Peter couldn’t believe no one jumped out of the bush as he approached the halfway point back to town. Off where the woods were, some ruffian-looking beings stood, yet none gave him more than a casual glance.


    I guess they’re part of a quest… or a cult?


    Part of him wanted to smile. The other part wanted to find some cosmic, magical ray that would smite his ex, but somehow, he doubted they had such things here.


    Who knows… maybe being a witch gives her access to those things.


    Lost in his thoughts, Peter found himself entering through the wide gates, dodging carts and the myriad of other races which somehow didn’t seem to shatter his mind at the variety he now realized he saw.


    Were there this many when I first came in?


    It was like his eyes were open, and for the first time he realized he wasn’t in Liberal, Kansas, anymore.


    Elves, dwarves, gnomes, demons or devils, Peter wasn’t sure, ogres, half-ogres, two-headed ogres, and so many other fantasy races he recognized were all moving about. Most looked like the average person did while going through a workday, bound to a life of slavery in the corporate world.


    His mind raced and suddenly, his crotch felt like it was on fire.


    Fearing he had pulled something while running, Peter reached into his pocket, surprised to find that leather breaches had pockets, and found the burning sensation spread to his hand.


    Like a bad high school experience with Bengay in his jockstrap, he quickly yanked the offending object out of his pocket and saw the quest sheet he had taken off the board smoking.


    The moment it was free of his nether region it was engulfed in flames, like some cheap magician''s trick, except his fingers were blackened and scorched.


    Practicing the technique every man learns from his father, he shook his hand quickly and then stuck his fingers into his mouth. The nasty taste of black licorice immediately hit his tongue, and Peter began to spit, ignoring the chuckles of a few passersby.


    “Newbie.”


    A sound went off in his head and while his hopes of a quick and painless aneurysm never came a string of new notifications did.


    [ Quest Complete ]


    [ Congratulations on completing your first quest. It’s a surprise you didn’t die. ]


    [ Bonus Experience not granted. This isn’t a charity. ]


    [ 500 Experience granted. ]


    [ Say the words Status to view how terrible you are. ]


    Groaning, Peter held his middle finger up at the sky and then quickly put it away upon seeing a few people staring at him.


    “Status.”


    *****


    Peter Park


    Human


    Level 1


    Experience: 500/1000


    Current Debt: 2 Gold


    Time Till Collection: 10 Hours 7 Minutes


    STR:  8


    AGIL: 7


    CON: 6


    INT: 8


    WIS: 5


    LUCK: 3


    Skills:


    Perks:


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Coward’s Sprint - 20% Increase to movement when fleeing.


    *****


    “Two gold?!”


    His words came out louder than he had anticipated, and yet there was the amount he supposedly owed in bold white text on the red box.


    “That’s not fair… I almost died.”


    “But you didn’t!” a lizard-looking person said as they passed by, carrying a bag in each arm. “Give it time. It will happen.”


    Unsure if he should say thank you or groan, Peter went with the first option, knowing the smile he showed didn’t convey how utterly lost he really was.


    Still I have ten hours before it’s due… so I guess I have plenty of time to finish it.


    Having set his mind to it and not going to let this world or his ex get the best of him on his first day here, Peter started making his way toward the adventure guild.


    ***


    “You survived.”


    “I did,” Peter replied as the same female elf looked him up and down, her head slowly bobbing.


    “And from what I can see, you managed to deliver the package. That is… quite impressive.”


    Her tone and facial expression reminded him of his mother-in-law—correct, his ex-mother-in-law. She spoke the same tone whenever he tried to impress her via words or deeds.


    “So, can I retake the same package?” he asked.


    “To Birek? I mean… it’s a little early but he always likes to eat. I guess.”


    “Wait, you’re serious?” Peter asked. “You mean I can keep delivering the same package over and over to him for the same amount of money and experience?”


    Shaking her head, the elf snorted. Actually it was more of an oink.


    His face clearly showed his surprise at such a sound coming from her, and she leaned over the wooden counter, her eyes narrowing as she glared.


    “Comment and I’ll make sure you never come back.”


    Waving his hands, Peter had learned in the last few hours that sometimes a man shouldn’t say a word as his current situation was from ignoring such a simple rule.


    When he didn’t say anything, she leaned back and nodded once, a slight frown upon her lips.


    “I can see your mark… married a witch… must have done something stupid and yet here you are, standing before me and ready to take on your second quest. I guess I can give you a little advice. Head my warning as many don’t.”


    Peter nodded, moving in slightly to ensure he didn’t miss a thing.


    “You can repeat quests but some get harder, faster. Simple tasks like rat killing aren’t bad until you slay a thousand. Then you can expect something nasty to show up, pissed off you killed all their friends.”


    “So the bandits on this one?”


    “Aren’t going to be as easy to defeat this time. Still it’s impressive you managed to kill them all without getting hurt.”


    “Uh… I didn’t kill any of them. I just ran,” Peter admitted.


    Two oinks came from the woman before she composed herself, rage and malice replacing the outburst as she glared at someone behind him in line who had laughed.


    “Good luck. Try not to die,” she said as she slid an exact copy of the box across the counter to him.


    Staring at it, Peter ignored the cough of the next person behind him, feeling that itch in his mind, glad it was there and not his nether region.


    “This… is just like the last one. The box I mean.”


    “It is.”


    Smiling, he looked up at the elf.


    “I don’t suppose I could get another one just like it?” Peter asked.


    “You want to try and take two quests at the same time? You’re not ready for that at all.”


    Shaking his head, Peter tapped the wooden box.


    “Nope, just an empty box that looks exactly like this one!”


    A tiny corner of her lip almost looked like it was going to turn into a smile before it was banished to hell, just like him.


    “Twenty silver.”


    “For an empty box?”


    “Nothing’s free and you’re holding up the line. Choose quickly.”


    Sighing, Peter took the gold coin from his pocket and stared at it. His dream of being done with having to quest today was crushed under the weight of not wanting to die or fail.


    “Fine,” he said as he put the coin on the counter.


    ***


    Part of him wanted to complain about the insane price tag on the box.


    Twenty silver… now I’ve only got thirty silver but I guess it’s good to know the currency rate.


    Learning fifty copper made a single silver and fifty silver made a single gold was pretty easy on the math side. The only downside was that he now had a pouch that clinked every time he walked. Combined with his boots, he sounded like some clown at a circus.


    “Oi! You! Pink skin!”


    It’s funny how one starts looking around and seeing who is shouting things.


    Like in junior high when someone yells out ‘Hey Idiot!’ and you turn, not because you were one, but to see who was talking and then from that moment on you gained a new moniker.


    A trio of goblins came his way, two wearing yellow shirts and one wearing a red shirt.


    “You talking to me?” Peter asked as the trio drew close.


    “See any other pink skins?”


    Glancing around, he did indeed see a few other humans and some weird pink-haired fox, but he didn’t feel it was a question they wanted answered.


    “So what do you need?”


    “You going to the dungeon south of town?” the one in the middle asked.


    “Perhaps? Why?”


    Unsure how this interaction would go down, he wasn’t sure if goblins were something to be trusted. After all killing some resulted in 10 silver and right now he could use some extra silver.


    “We got a quest and need to head there. I’m Kirk, this one is Dirk.”


    “Peter,” he replied, motioning at the one in the red shirt. “He got a name?”


    Both Dirk and Kirk glanced at the goblin who was looking at them.


    “Uh… I think so.”


    “It’s Mike!” exclaimed the one in the red shirt. “I’ve told you three times my name!”


    “Yeah… okay, well, that’s not important,” Kirk stated. “Regardless, if you’re willing, I’m open to paying you 1 silver to help escort us to the dungeon.”


    His spider-sense started to tingle, or perhaps it was the need to eat something, but Peter couldn’t help but wonder about this situation.


    “Wait, you can pay other people to help with quests?”


    “Gah, a newbie,” Dirk muttered. “Perhaps he needs a red shirt to wear.”


    “Wait a minute. Captain said I was the one getting a red shirt!”


    For some reason, Peter couldn’t recall the goblin in the red shirt name but it didn’t matter as the one called Kirk held up his hand.


    “I don’t got enough for two red shirts or I’d have another one. After this quest, we can easily get a few more.”


    Watching the two talk and ignore him for a moment, Peter began to turn when the leader grabbed his arm, almost making him drop one of the boxes he held.


    “Wait, do you want to earn that silver or what?”


    “Make it two silver and let me stop at one of the merchants on the way out of town and you got yourself a deal.”


    Kirk frowned but nodded.


    “Fine, but you’re out in front. Got it?”


    “Deal. Now then let’s get moving, I got alimony to pay.”


    Laughter came from the pair and a second later the red-shirted goblin joined in.


    “What’s so funny?” Peter asked.


    “Oh pink-skin… all of us have a debt to pay.”