Despair struck as Peter found himself inside the stone building.


    All around him men and women moved, each looking like someone had kicked them in the privates, no one really excited about whatever task they were taking on or having just completed.


    Only one guy who strode in, all decked out in shiny gold armor seemed to be happy, moving to a counter that no one else approached, vanishing from his sight.


    Before him was a wooden board with tons of tattered parchments, all with jobs for him and others to apparently attempt.


    Apparently was the keyword as Peter didn’t know what he should try.


    GUILD JOBS:


    <ol>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Rat Hunter! - 10 Copper</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Goblin Hunter! - 5 Silver</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Dungeon Courier - 1 Gold per trip</li>


    </ol>


    He felt his eyes narrowing as he read three that were all stacked in a row.


    Rats feel kind of… low… and goblins… well those are like what every hero starts with, right? And what the hell is Dungeon Courier? Like delivering letters or something else to the people in a dungeon?


    Stroking his chin and wishing he had some hair on it, Peter began to reach out to tug on the quest for one gold.


    “Uh, you sure you want to do that?”


    Glancing to his side, he saw the top of some hair and then looked down, feeling his jaw drop at what stood before him.


    “A dwarf?”


    “Yeah. Got a problem with that?”


    As the muscular but stumpy dwarf moved to get in his space, Peter held up a hand to stop them.


    Gently, he pushed against their chest, frowning as something felt off.


    “If you don’t take your hand off my breast, I’m going to stick my foot so far up your–”


    “SORRY!” Peter exclaimed, taking a few steps back and trying to figure out what he had missed. “You… you got a beard! And you’re a woman.”


    “Gah, are all humans idiots or just the men?” the dwarf grunted as she frowned, stroking her brown beard slowly.


    “Uh… I’m not sure how to answer that one.  But… a beard… you–”


    “Yes… I have a beard, breasts, and other parts we won’t talk about. Perhaps I should have let you grab that job, but now I realize you are completely lost. Tell me you read the description on it.”


    Grimacing, Peter moved back to the paper and leaned in close, seeing the small words underneath the larger ones.


    “Deliver one package to the local dungeon’s merchant. No combat required. 1 Gold reward.”


    “Seems easy enough,” he stated, ripping the paper from the board. Immediately, a cold sensation came over him, like someone had poured ice water down his back.


    “Uh… what the heck was that?”


    Sighing, the dwarf shook her head.


    “The job is yours, you took it, now you gotta do it.”


    “Wait, what?” Peter asked, holding the paper in his hand.  “You can’t be serious. I mean, what if I took that one for 100 gold over there?”


    A chuckle came from the woman as she pointed at the one with a pack of one hundred ogres on it.


    “Well… you would die. I mean… it wouldn’t even be pretty.”


    “And if I die?” Peter asked.


    Sighing, the dwarf grimaced a little.


    “Depends on why you are here and the debt you owe… I’m Batrire by the way.”


    “Peter. I’m here because uh… my wife sent me here for alimony.”


    A grimace that could have scared off children appeared on the woman’s face and she came close, patting his arm.


    “I’m sorry to hear. It’s been good to know you.  Was she a witch?”


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    “A bitchy witch, yes.”


    Laughter that sounded like Santa might make came from her mouth four times.


    “Oh you poor poor thing.  Now then, pull up your sleeve and think about her for a moment,” Batrire said. “I want to see your mark.”


    “My what?”


    “Just do it. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.”


    Her grin and wink made him feel uncomfortable, yet ignoring the voice in his head he did just what she had said.  Rolling up his sleeve and thinking of Lilliana made a mark appear on his forearm.


    “Ew… the Mark of Matrimonial Doom!” Batrire exclaimed. “That means yer an Alimony Adventurer. And that’s why you need gold fast.”


    Nodding, Peter sighed.


    “So uh… you going to show me yours?”


    Batrire winked and shook her head.


    “If you make it back from that job, perhaps. I can’t do it in here or I’ll get fined and I already owe enough money. So take that paper to the counter over there with the ugly elf and if you survive, you can find me at the Drunken Dwarf Tavern tonight.”


    With those words said, she turned and moved away, whistling some song he remembered seven dwarves once singing.


    ***


    “Next!”


    Thirty fricking minutes…


    Not that he had stared at the timer the entire time he waited in line, Peter couldn’t help but admire the female elf behind the counter. She wasn’t ugly at all.  Perfect silver hair, white teeth, and blue eyes that reminded him of the shower curtain in his bathroom.


    “Uh, I want to do this quest,” he said quickly, putting the paper down on the wooden counter like all the others before him had.


    “A dungeon delivery… welp it’s your life. Just make sure you don’t die.”


    “Die?!” Peter gasped. “I thought this said no combat required!”


    “You don’t have to fight if you can make it past the bandits without being noticed. The Dungeon entrance is a mile south of town. Just try to avoid the bandits, and you’ll be okay.”


    As she spoke, she pulled a wooden box the size of a football and slid it across the counter to him.


    “Don’t open it either or you lose half the reward, even if you successfully deliver it without problems.”


    Staring at the plain-looking box and then up at the woman, seeing her start to frown, Peter grabbed it and tucked it under his arm like an all-pro running back.


    “Just a mile?” he asked.


    “You’ll see the big purple and black swirling portal.  Once you get close, the owner will start to glow.  Can’t miss em. NEXT!”


    Sensing she was done with him, Peter turned and quickly made his way toward the exit, doing a little shake and bake around the others in the adventurers guild, warming up his moves.


    ***


    Three things immediately became clear the moment he got a little bit out of town.


    First, Peter realized he wasn’t in as good a shape as he thought he was.  The fact he had worn the same size jeans always made him feel like he was holding steady. Now, the truth that he had married a witch made him wonder if Lilliana had altered them somehow without him noticing.


    Second, the jog to the gate had left him gasping for air.  He wanted to blame it on the chest he was carrying, but the truth was that it barely weighed more than five pounds.


    Thirdly, the elf had lied. Everyone had lied.


    The watch out for bandits was a massive understatement.


    Once he was four hundred yards from the city gates, the trees that lined the one side of the road suddenly had people on the outer edges.


    Elves, dwarfs, humans, maybe a goblin, perhaps just some ugly kid with green skin and hair, and half a dozen other races all seemed to be mingling about in groups of two or three.


    He did what he could, staying on the edge of the road opposite of them until he noticed others appearing in the large field on the other side.


    What the hell? It’s like creatures are spawning in everywhere inside some game.


    Peter wondered if this was a dream or coma but the truth was the weapons the poorly bathed, teeth-missing individuals carried looked sharp enough to cut.


    With what he assumed was 800 yards to go, a bush the size of a garbage can on the side of the road shook and three masked figures stepped out of it somehow onto the road.


    Each of them wielded a very sharp-looking sword and one took a few steps closer to him.


    A sneer came as the masked bandit pointed his weapon at him. “Give us the package and we won’t gut you like a fish.”


    Peter’s brain threatened to seize up but for once his uncanny use of comebacks that his friends complained about kicked in.


    “What kind of fish?”


    The bandit’s head shook in surprise and he waved his sword in the air again.


    “What? What do you mean what kind of fish?”


    Standing there, trying not to appear as if he was working on an escape plan, Peter went all in.


    “Like you know, there’s all kinds of fish.  You could be talking about a trout, which is small, so it''s a small gutting. Now a salmon is bigger, but it''s a special fish and you really don’t want to ruin the meat, so you gut it carefully.  And then of course one doesn’t want to forget about the puffer fish. One wrong move and you’ll kill yourself or anyone else who eats it if gutted wrong.”


    The three bandits all stood there, and after a few seconds they turned to face each other.


    “What kind of fish, Ted?”


    “How the hell do I know Dick? The boss said ‘gut you like a fish,’ not a specific one!”


    Glad that he spent way too many nights watching the cooking show instead of doing anything productive, Peter did what he knew this moment required.


    Some might have attacked but obviously those kinds of people were idiots.


    Peter ran.


    He got a head start and didn’t look back, hearing their shouts as he tucked the chest under his arm, channeling his inner lazy boy chair guy to track star.


    As he ran, wondering how long it would take before a sword ended up in his back, a notification appeared.


    [ New Skill Acquired: Coward’s Sprint (Passive) ]


    [ Effect: 20% faster movement speed when fleeing like an absolute coward. ]


    Somewhere, deep inside, he knew that many people might be insulted by that notification but Peter wasn’t one of those men.


    Instead Peter smiled as he felt his legs moving faster, and up ahead he could see a purple and black swirling portal with what appeared to be an ogre standing on the road before it.


    He wanted to groan and call out to whatever god might have cursed him. He didn’t because he knew full well it would go straight to Lilliana.


    Instead, Peter kept running like a coward, resisting the urge to cluck a few times as well.


    Slowly, as he approached the portal and the ogre, a soft golden glow appeared around the behemoth.


    Gasping for air and finally risking a glance backward, he saw that there wasn’t anyone chasing him anymore.  Gone were the three bandits.


    Immediately, he sensed his running speed slow down and almost tripped.


    Coming to fast walk, Peter drew big breaths, ignoring the ogre who was laughing, a massive hand in each pocket of his pants.


    “This… is yours… I believe,” he said between breaths.


    Nodding, the ogre held out a hand and after taking the small box, somehow opened it without crushing it with his immense fingers.


    “Ahh, perfect! Thank you, adventurer. I was getting hungry and wondered who might bring me lunch.”


    The groan Peter let out went on for a good ten seconds. The knowledge he almost died to deliver food to a hungry ogre didn’t go to waste on him.


    Laughing, the monstrosity shoved the food in his mouth and then flicked a gold coin to him.


    “Maybe I’ll see you again tomorrow! Just remember to watch out for the bandits!”


    The gold coin came toward him, and with the same agility as a newborn baby, his hands missed it completely, so he chose to pick it up from the road instead.


    On the two sides of the coin was the image of a devil and on the other an angel.


    Well that’s disturbing.


    Glancing back at the way he had just come, Peter paused and turned his attention back to the ogre.


    “Uh… are the bandit’s going to be there?”


    “Nah, now that you don’t got my food, they don’t care anymore.  Besides, if you get past them, the odds are they’ll get in trouble with their boss. The man’s got a debt to pay off and he ain''t going to like not gettin paid.”


    Standing there, the thought of what this world he now lived on was really like, Peter frowned.


    Is everyone working to pay off a debt? What kind of slave labor place is this?