"First one to complete five laps around the track wins," a jovial Grarft announced the stipulation.


    A confident Jimmy Jack was sure Elegance was his. Heef had elected to challenge the stallion with a sickly mare that looked half-dead. Peela pleaded with the debuting racer to stop cracking jokes and take her brother seriously. He was the undisputed champion around these parts. JJ paid this no heed. Sure, he may have been "the best," but it had to be a default thing; a niche Guinness world record like cup-stacking. He seriously doubted there were Derby caliber jockeys in Hydenfell.


    "Try to keep up," the dandy''s nose remained affixed as if he had smelt the world''s biggest fart. Based on his parents, that may have been the case at some point.


    "On your mark......get set......"


    "Jimmy Jack, focus," Peela begged as if there were dire stakes on the line.


    "I got this!"


    "GO!"


    The horn sounded, Elegance neighed. Jimmy Jack may have remained onboard for five seconds. The all show, no go horse sent Jimmy Jack to the dirt, his skull smashing like a bookend to his arrival. Not like it mattered. Heef drifted his companion masterfully through each turn. The hurdles were cleared with meters to spare. It was quite the show, albeit one a KOed Jimmy Jack missed until Heef glided over the finish line.


    "So sorry, dear boy. Almost had me."


    "Jimmy Jack," the empath Peela couldn''t help but feel for the unconventional hero.


    "I''m ok! My neck broke the fall!"


    "You must leave at once," she warned as she force-fed the groggy defeated Heart Cookies.


    "What? Don''t want my loser''s stink on ya or somethin''?"


    "Jimmy Jack, my boy," the gregarious yank wiped away half a piece of the regained health. "Tough luck out there!"


    "Yeah, it was the horse''s fault though."


    "Speaking of that steed, since you failed to beat Heef, I believe my offer remains unchanged. 60,000 Purls and he''s all yours!"


    "Thought you said it was 20,000 Purls?"


    "Interest!"


    "Look, G-Money, I don''t have the dough. I''m sorry. I appreciate you tryin'' to help me but I''ll just have to wrangle me up a horse in the wild."


    "Son, I''m afraid that''s not possible."


    "Hey, I was gettin'' pretty good at it!"


    "You don''t understand, you ignoramus. We had a deal. Even a low birth like you should know the value of somebody''s time."


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    "Don''t call me a igloonamus! Let me take the horse or one of equal or greater value. When I save Hydenfell, I''ll probably get a big fat check. I''ll pay you then."


    "Wah-hoo! If you''re the so-called Hero From Another World, I''m Goodwin the Great!"


    "I don''t know who that is!"


    "Here''s what''s gonna happen," he adopted a more grave demeanor as he launched Jimmy Jack with a suplex. "You''re going to pay me back alright."


    "Please," Jimmy Jack''s backwards crab walk ended up against the fence. "Don''t kill me!"


    "You''ll be joining my no good daughter in the stables, where you shall work..."


    "Kill me," those fatal four letters reduced Jimmy Jack to a fetal position.


    "Daddy, that is enough," Peela threatened.


    "Quiet, you," he turned to face his brazen spawn.


    "Take that," Jimmy Jack used the distraction to unsheathe his new blade. He didn''t want it to come to this but sometimes you had to whoop a man''s ass. To JJ''s surprise, the strike stopped on its own, as if there was some law that said the mortal humanoids of Hydenfell, devious bastards or not, were not to be harmed by weaponry. A bone-cracking shoulder tackle proved the intended target didn''t play under the same rules.


    "You coulda had it easy, my friend," Grarft went in for the kill as Peela could only watch it horror. Grasping his prey by the throat, he prepared to send another debtor to the Spirit Realm.


    "Wahhhhh," Jimmy Jack made the same noise as the previous two steed spears. However, he was able to successfully plant himself on this ride. "Bass Ackwards!"


    The dainty but determined collected Peela as well and set out to save the heart of gold and the heart of maybe aluminum or something from their captors. However, it would take more than a lucky break and spunk to escape Fun Fun Farms alive. Heef was rapidly barreling down on the trio and Borboro flipped the switch that activated the bulky seal of the one way out. There was no way this little dude could help them here. Shielding his eyes, Jimmy Jack prayed for a merciful hereafter.


    "Jimmy Jack, look," an exhilarated Peela gasped.


    "Holy fucking shit," was the elegant annotation.


    The jump was almost a flight. Landing on the other side without losing a stride of speed, the three were home free. Heef probably could have eventually caught them if he wanted but he wasn''t really feeling like going too far. Bass Ackwards left a near literal trail of fire behind him as FFF faded further into the distance, never once showing signs of fatigue. After 28 long years, Peela felt her first breath of emancipation. It tasted pretty good!


    "Take me to Kluklu Village," the backseat rider implored. "I want to start life anew!"


    Dropping Peela off at the gates, Jimmy Jack was rewarded with a side hug and a "you''re not so bad after all." Not exactly ringing endorsements for Hydenfell''s lone hope but he was willing to take them. During their extremely casual embrace, Bass Ackward''s adrenaline rush had ceased, turning him back into the insecure runt from before. Drooping his head and wandering away, Jimmy Jack had a whopper of an idea.


    "You wanna come with me?" was the question the horse answered with a pleased sound. "My dogs could surely use the breaks from walkin'' so damn much!"


    "Oh, Jimmy Jack, I knew you would come around to him!"


    "Yep. Hydenfell is in good hands with the team of Jimmy Jack Doyle and Bass Ack......Captain Kickass!"


    The newly-mined CK scooped up his human as they departed a waving Peela. Now with everything he needed to begin his quest, Jimmy Jack was ready for the First Trial.


    "Arachnines in beds," a massive paw wrote a damning letter in a topmost chamber. "That should shut ''em down!"


    "Lord Gnarl," Burle barged in. "I hate to trouble you but..."


    "What is it, Burle? I''m writing my reviews of businesses that don''t support my reign."


    "Sir, can''t you just execute them?"


    "Uh, then they would know it''s me? I can''t have people thinking their leader is self-conscious. By the way, did you pay the town criers to say it doesn''t boil my blood that I''m pink? ''Cause it doesn''t!"


    "Your Evilness, I have most troubling news: The Hero From Another World has arrived."


    "Who gives a shit? He, and it can only be a he by the way, won''t even make it to Marketia."


    "He''s almost to Generica."


    "Is that so? I guess I''ll have to keep my eye on him."


    "Do you want me to personally assassinate him, sir? I''ll have his head by nightfall!"


    "Nah, let''s just see where this goes. Could be fun!"