"Jimmy Jack," Princess Jacinta appeared with a rub of the Crystal Stone that had been chiming for Goodwin knows how long. "There you are. I''ve been worried sick!"


    "Oh, sorry, Cinty. Reception has been a bit rough."


    "I was afraid you had gotten killed! I.....have you been crying?"


    "No," Jimmy Jack''s nose blew along with the lie.


    "Dearest Jimmy Jack, whatever is the matter?"


    "This is too damn hard! I''m hungry, I''m frustrated and my damn feet hurt! On top of that, I have no idea where to go!"


    "Generica," he was reminded for the umpteenth time.


    "That''s too far," the alleged alpha whined.


    "If the lengthy travel ails you, why not find a steed?"


    "How the hell am I supposed to know what that even is?"


    "An equine?"


    "Cinty, I don''t speak French."


    "They''re noble beasts that can spell a weary warrior."


    "What I need is a horse or something."


    "Hydenfell Hub is rife with such mounts. Search with your heart and you shall find what you''re looking for. Contact me if you need any help."


    Sure enough, although the sprawling field had been devoid of colts and fillies until then, a small pack came into view now that obtaining a ride was vital to Jimmy Jack''s progression. One was midnight black with a coffee swirl on its hind and the other two were chestnut-colored with red manes. Deciding to tame the coolest looking specimen, Jimmy Jack knew to approach the grazing creatures with caution. Didn''t want to spook them. He had no doubt his aura would be welcomed as soon as his intentions were understood.


    "Wahhhhh," the kick in the solar plexus waffled Jimmy Jack several feet.


    Undaunted, he chased after the stampede until his stamina bar gave out 15 paces later. Winded and with great pain in his tummy, he gave up the pursuit and began to look for another to convert to his personal vehicle. It took a fair amount of walking but he eventually spotted a speckled example whose main hue was that of a cocker spaniel. It wasn''t his personal favorite but he was eager to capture a transport before nightfall. Learning from his mistakes from the previous attempt, he decided to tiptoe in from the front.


    "Wahhhhh," the animal''s scared burst of speed gored Jimmy Jack so hard, he became one with the fauna. Holding on saddle-side for dear life, JJ must have been carried halfway across the Hub before he was bucked higher than he had ever been; including that wild night with his cousin in 2012. The climb was quick, the descent even faster......and harder.


    "Whe-whe-where am I?" a woozy Jimmy Jack asked days later.


    "Wah-hoo," a boisterous boom shook the room. "Glad to see you''re coming to! Welcome to the world famous Fun Fun Farms!"


    "Hope your injuries didn''t ruin your appetite," a low-voiced female was also looking over the dizzy displacement. "Breakfast should be ready in a jiff!"


    "Breakfast?" Jimmy Jack''s health surged back to full strength.


    Now a returned citizen to the waking world, the guest was able to make out his saviors. They were two very large people. Not overweight, not obese. They were bulbous; the size of a Depression-era New Yorker caricature of the hoarding wealthy. The man had yet to take his paws off of his own belly and the woman had remained with her hands on her hips, as if she was stuck in uproarious laughter. Their girth didn''t seem to impede their vitals though as they had easily scaled the staircase and they were easily upper middle-aged if not elderly.


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    "Come now."


    The trio marched downstairs and then down another flight at the end of a spacious hallway. Jimmy Jack''s brain matter had only just started to glue itself back together but it didn''t take too much cognizance to realize these people were loaded. The fully-staffed service squad whipping up a morning feast was another neon clue to their abundance. The pair introduced themselves as Borboro, yes, "Barbara" with vowel exchanges, and Grarft. Their son Heef, a haughty broomstick with poorly-fitting human skin, was already seated at the dining table.


    "Mofher, fafer," Heef broke up the sounds of slurping and sucking. "Wherever is that thing we call my sister?"


    "Probably still asleep, the useless bird!"


    Right after the bizarrely-sharp jab, the front entrance slammed open. One of the hired help stood in the doorway, huffing and sweating, caked with five or six stains. Despite the horrible stink on her, Jimmy Jack found her to be drop dead gorgeous. With her flaming crimson hair pulled into a maid''s bun and visible biceps and delts, she gave off a very rugged charm.


    "Peela," Grarft stood up with shocking speed. "You''re late!"


    "Forgive me," she spoke with an angel''s tone. "The cows were most stubborn this morning."


    "That''s no excuse! Now, take your gruel into your closet like a good servant and leave us be!"


    "Yes, daddy."


    "Daddy?" Jimmy Jack wondered aloud.


    "My daughter, Peela. Forgive her rancid features. She did not inherit our beauty."


    "Actually, sir, I think she''s quite attractive."


    "Wah-hoo! A man with a sense of humor. We''re going to get along just fine, you and me!"


    "So, Jimmy Jack," Borboro addressed the newcomer while still taking mitt-fulls of the helping of meat and taters stacked as high as her husband''s. "What brings you to these parts?"


    "Actually," JJ was not slouching in his consumption of his pile. "I''m in the market for a horse."


    "Well, you''ve come to the right place!"


    "You really think this peasant can afford one of our stallions?" Heef asked in a nasally drone.


    "Heef, mind your business! Forgive him. He might be a bit rude but he''s the best rider in Hydenfell!"


    "Daddy," the meek red-headed biological child was nearly in tears. "I tripped over the bucket again and spilled my food. May I have more?"


    "Gods, Peela, another plate?" Grarft rolled his eyes as he polished off his elevenths. "You''re gonna be as big as a Halehog!"


    "Daddy..."


    "Fine! But be quick. Lord Doyle needs a horse."


    "You know I wasn''t lying when I said I thought you were hot."


    "Whatever," now that Peela was out of range from her tormentors, her voice had some acid to it.


    "What''s that song you''ve been hummin''?"


    "It''s a tune I''ve composed during my long hours working the fields. I play it for the horses. They''re my only friends. It''s a token of my bond with them."


    "Oh, well, do you know anything else? It''s gettin'' kind of annoying to hear the same song over and over."


    "Look, just pick your horse and get out of here."


    "What''s up your butt?"


    "My parents are not good people."


    "They seem chill to me. They found me and fed me. Hey, sorry I didn''t offer you any of my food by the way."


    "It''s fine. I''m sure you needed all four plates. Look, they might seem jolly and fun but they are in cahoots with Lord Gnarl."


    "Oh, hey," a memory flooded back to Jimmy Jack. "That guy in Marketia said something about that!"


    "What guy?"


    "I don''t know. Just some guy."


    "Anyway, they sold out my ancestors'' legacies for Purls. Once upon a time, Fun Fun Farms operated with integrity. The Nightmare Lord brokered a deal with my father to buy into our business and distribute our famous Fun Fun Milk nationwide."


    "So?"


    "He tampered with the recipe! There''s alcohol in it now! They sell it to children!"


    "That ain''t so bad. I had my first Bud when I was eight. See, the key is moderation."


    "You sound just like them," Peela sighed. "Here, there is a horse I want to show you."


    Peela began to sing that old familiar piece at a higher pitch. A statuesque golden stallion raced out of nowhere and nuzzled her face. Jimmy Jack was sold before the embrace was over. This thing galloped at the speed of light. They could cover the entire map in mere minutes and good lord, was it beautiful. He would have been satisfied with something practical but he wasn''t going to turn down function and style. All she had to do was name her price, as long it was under 40 Purls.


    "I''ll take it!"


    "But you''ve not seen him yet!"


    "I''m lookin'' right at him!"


    "Elegance, go play," Peela shooed off the mighty steed, revealing a runt.


    "That''s the horse you want me to buy?"


    "Yes. As much as you disgust me, I can sense your purpose. You are the Hero from Another World."


    "Yep!"


    "Though this horse be small, he be mighty. He needs a name though," Peela explained as her ward tried to score some rubs from the potential buyer.


    "Um, how about Bass Ackwards?" Jimmy Jack pushed the nameless'' head away, causing it to drop in sadness.


    "Do not mock his spirit," Peela admonished. "He is a mount fit for a hero!"


    "Yeah, no thanks."


    "Have we reached a decision yet?" Grarft showed up.


    "Yes, sir," Jimmy Jack pointed to Elegance. "That one!"


    "Superb choice, Lord Doyle. That''ll be 20,000 Purls."


    "What? I mean, um, that''s all?"


    "Do not be ashamed of your lowly birth, Jimmy Jack. The horse can still be yours."


    "See, you''re not as bad as your daughter says you are!"


    "If you can defeat Heef in a race!"