"Finally," the Sun we somehow shared with Hydenfell despite being in completely different dimensions reared, sending the midnight marauders back underground yet again.


    Jimmy Jack had waited out their attack in the currents of the circumference. Hoisting himself back up onto land, his tunic remained soaked. No fast-service drying here. A mild inconvenience. It was going to take more than wet clothes to take Jimmy Jack Doyle out of the game. As a child of the county fair, he had gotten used to chaffing decades ago. The bridge had re-lowered and the gates had swung open as soon as the rooster announced the new morning. It was time to check and see what all the hubbub was.


    Upon strolling into town, Jimmy Jack could make out a jaunty medieval tune that seemed to reach every square inch of Marketia. Just like in the real world, he was instantly blasted with advertisements; vendors hawking arrows for a bow he didn''t have and more of those delicious cookies he needed to patch up those wounds from those goons outside the walls. It seemed to be a lively joint, despite the supposed totalitarian regime that gripped the land. One guy was so amped, he just ran in a circle around the large fountain that served as a centerpiece. A vain-looking couple swapped spit with each other in a similar loop. A woman was sitting on a roof for some reason.


    "Hey, man," Jimmy Jack tried to strike up a conversation with the least-animated person he could find. "Can you point me to the grocery store or something?"


    "Fun Fun Farms has the best milk. It''s a shame they''re in cahoots with Lord Gnarl."


    "Not really what I was looking for. I''m just..."


    "Fun Fun Farms has the best milk. It''s a shame they''re in cahoots with Lord Gnarl."


    "Fuck it, I''ll just ask somebody else."


    "Have you visited the MASK MUSEUM?" help was not found with the second bystander. "The guy who runs It gives me the creeps!"


    "That''s a nice sword you have there. Try swinging it in a circle for a powerful attack!"


    "Leave me alone. I''m hunting for Silver Butterflies!"


    "My friend says he found a cow in a hole out in Hydenfell Hub but that can''t be true, can it?"


    "Don''t any of you people have anything helpful to say?" Jimmy Jack was getting pissed.


    Taking matters into his own hands, it took jiggles on four different doorknobs before one gave him passage into one of Marketia''s buildings. Inside, a burly man oversaw a cramped shoppe. Jimmy Jack didn''t have a list but he assumed he might find something useful in here. At worst, the jingle was a toe-tapper. Evaluating the inventory, the lone customer was immediately taken aback at the limited inventory.


    "You buyin'' anything?" the mountain sounded exactly like Jason Statham.


    "Four items? That''s all you have?"


    "You gotta problem with how I run me store?"


    "Look, I''m very busy," Jimmy Jack pointed to a bottle of that crimson juice he recognized from the cave. "Just hand me that!"


    "Thirty Purls, that is! If you can afford it!"


    "I can," Jimmy Jack was offended by the insinuation. God, even in a land of goblins and ghouls, people were still on his ass about having steady income. "I think this should cover it."


    "You kiddin'', mate?"


    "Uh, no? Three red balls. That''s 30."


    "That''s ''free!"


    "No, three would be three green ones."


    "''Free green ''ins would be ''free hundred!"


    "So, you guys don''t do the Zelda system?"


    "What the bloody ''ell is you on about?"


    "Fine, just pick through this and tell me when it''s enough," Jimmy Jack spread the contents of his wallet he had worked so hard for onto the counter.


    "This oughta do it," the bear-man took every gem except a lone fiver.


    "Hey! That was supposed to last the whole trip."


    "Don''t like it? Take this and try to win some more Purls next door. Now, ''ere''s that potion you bought. Give me a bottle so I can pour it."


    "Uh, fuck me, I guess, but I kinda assumed the bottle came with the potion?"


    "You mad? You want me to give you me only bottle during the middle of the Great Bottle Recession?"


    "Ok. Jesus."


    "Nothing makes me madder than a bottle hoarder. I ''ear some folks got five. Bloody gluttons."


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Jimmy Jack said nothing as the shopkeeper continued to rant about bottle ethics as he transferred ownership of the liquid. Placing the jar into his pockets, he ventured to the bright facade of the neighboring establishment. It was in there he saw her: the sexiest babe he had seen in Hydenfell so far. Green skin, blue hair and a tight midsection barely covered by a crop top. Based on the other guy''s exposition, this had to be a gambling hall of some sorts. Jimmy Jack was an expert bettor in the real world, winning $10 on a $5 risk once every third NFL Sunday, so he figured that expertise, combined with the added power of impressing the hot hostess, would soon make him the wealthiest man in Hydenfell.


    "Five Purls, sugar," she hummed with effortless cool.


    "Rack ''em up. Wait, what do I do?"


    "There are two treasure chests. One has a Purl, the other, nothing. You pick the correct chest? You keep the Purl and can continue playing for a chance to win a higher amount. Grand prize is 500 Purls. Ready?"


    "I, sure, yes." the spellbinding beauty garbled Jimmy Jack''s tongue.


    "3......2.......1. Go!"


    "The one on the right," Jimmy Jack meant left but fortunately for him, the boner was rewarded.


    "Right," the second win earned him his deposit back.


    "Left," he seemed hip to the pattern. He was now in the black.


    "Right," earned him a cool 100 Purls.


    "Hey, you''re pretty good at this, but you can stop anytime."


    "Keep ''em coming, babe. Left."


    "Correct again. One more and you win the grand prize. Again, you don''t have to risk it."


    "Feel that, baby," he extended his palm to the surprised cashier. "That''s a hot hand!"


    "Kinda cold. Have you seen a doctor lately?"


    "Left!"


    "Sorry, that is not correct."


    "What? Just like that? It''s over?"


    "''Fraid so. But you know what? Since it''s your first try, I''ll give you a bonus turn for free."


    "Right!"


    "Incorrect."


    "Are you serious?" she was starting to become slightly un-hot to Jimmy Jack. "Look, I know I don''t look it but I need some money in the worst way. Come on, can I have the 250 I won the first time?"


    "Sorry."


    "Son of a bitch," Jimmy Jack, showcasing the temper that got him banned from his local Golden Corral, launched a decorative vase against the wall, causing a single unit to fall to the ground.


    "You can just take that, y''know?"


    "Really? You''re not mad?"


    "Not really. There''s good money in furniture smashing, if you have the patience for it."


    "Good to know!"


    Jimmy Jack searched the city high and low for pots, boxes and potted plants. Like the citizens inside one of his favorite series, the public didn''t seem to mind the funny-looking newcomer tearing apart their homes for spare coin. Tediously, he amassed his wallet''s limit, making a note to buy a larger piggy bank when possible. Now comfortable for the time being, he even considered flipping a Purl to the town beggar, electing not to do so when he remembered the blank screen on his phone. Now that his monetary issues were fixed, it was time to handle something of the upmost importance.


    "Aye, y''all got a commode I could use?" Jimmy Jack poked his head into the most quaint-looking place of business.


    "Oh, do you mean a Relief Sanctuary?" a meek innkeeper asked.


    "Sure, I guess, lady. Look, I''ve gotta drain the lizard. Show me the way."


    "Down the hall and to the left."


    "Thank ya."


    Jimmy Jack painfully swayed to the instruction. When he arrived, he was gobsmacked. There were no toilets, urinals, sinks. Hell, there weren''t even stalls. All there was was a giant hole. If he was in some kind of video game world, it certainly wasn''t rated E for Everyone. These dudes were hanging dong, unafraid to piss in front of strangers. About to burst, Jimmy Jack joined the circle with a couple of nervous coughs. Unzipping his fly, he added to the littering.


    "Careful," Jimmy Jack turned to a brick shithouse who looked like he was more stone than man. "I hear there''s a lot of dickheads around here."


    "Grr," the rock dude grumbled at the C- joke, causing Jimmy Jack to clam up. A fish-looking guy and a tall bird creature also peered holes into his soul.


    "So, uh, where does it all go?" the fresh arrival was morbidly curious.


    "We do not ask questions we need not know the answer to."


    "That''s right, I forgot," Jimmy Jack cringed in pain at the agonized bays from the veiled other side of the room, knowing he would need to brave it or a similar space sooner or later. Those s''mores were starting to take a left turn at Albuquerque.


    "Are you not staying with us tonight?" the girl at the front desk stopped Jimmy Jack, trying his best to hide his dry hands.


    "Why is there a hotel here? It''s been the same time in this town since I got here."


    Now loaded and unloaded at the same time, Jimmy Jack was on the prowl for wares. A solution came in the form of a weapons store. Perfect. Jacinta had been kind to loan him these piece of crap objects but he was going to need some real firepower to defeat that Gnarl guy. A weak little sword and a puny shield, already starting to crack, weren''t going to cut it. This Nightmare Lord would laugh if he brought them into battle. There was no way they''d leave a pimple on him. Jimmy Jack knew exactly what it would take to fell him.


    "Give me the biggest gun you have."


    "Gun?" a bald man who kept scratching his chin looked confused.


    "Ugh," Jimmy Jack still couldn''t reconcile the realm he was in. They really hadn''t perfected something to blast away the baddest of baddies yet? What was the tech deal here anyway? Marketia looked to be lighted modernly but he hadn''t seen a single contraption created post 16th Century. He needed to take down Gnarl quickly and get back to the wondrous land of Wi-Fi. "Just give me that bigger sword and that heavier shield and that dynamite-looking stuff."


    "Excellent purchases, sir! Paper or plastic?"


    "That''s the one thing you''ve developed?"


    Walking out a newly-armed man, Jimmy Jack heard a grumble. God, he was starving. Surely, a primitive place such as this at least had somewhere to get some grub. Asking around, only to get "tips" on how to check his map anytime and minimize damage from short falls, Jimmy Jack growled at the lack of fresh, never frozen, beef in his gut. Just when all hope was lost, the hungry visitor saw it: meat, fish and fruit. Admittedly, he didn''t give a shit about the last offering but all that mattered was he was just a few Purls away from prime rib.


    "A slab of your finest meat, my good man," Jimmy Jack bulldozed his way to the front of the line. You can''t have the Hero of Hydenfell at the back of the queue when evil was afoot!


    "Good choice," the butcher laid out the transaction.


    "Um, what the fuck is this?"


    Raw. Uncooked. This was not acceptable. He needed to speak to a manager about this.


    "Turkey, sir. I assume you know how to cook it. You''re doomed otherwise."


    "No!"


    Monsters and dark magic were one thing but hearing meals were DIY was the chilling reminder he wasn''t in Ohio anymore. This was awful. He was a growing boy and failing to get his 3500 daily calories would drop him sooner than any of Gnarl''s minions would. Taking the leg, he tried in vain to find a kind soul who would help him out. No dice. Leaving the cruel burg, he bawled in the Hub for several Hydenfellian days. The Bastards felt too bad to attack.


    "Maybe there''s a way I can quit," Jimmy Jack started pulling out all the tools Jacinta had given him at the beginning of his quest; the last, the stone. "37 missed calls?"