Who had first thought of using the relatively short distance between the two clan castles to exchange mutual insults could not be determined afterwards. The only thing that was certain was that it was used eagerly.


    One of the lower-ranking Thunder brothers, who felt very important, stood at the northern window of the newly conquered clan castle of 652 and shouted at the top of his lungs. At the western window of 656 stood an angry Russian doing the same.


    ''You''re all embarrassing!''


    ''And you first!''


    ''I said it first!''


    ''No!''


    ''Yes, you did!''


    ''No!''


    ''Yes!''


    ''No!''


    ''Yes!''


    Genny had returned from her mission a short time later in a much better mood and with a smile on her lips. ''Just diplomacy,'' she waved them off when the others asked her anxiously, ''don''t worry about it.''


    However, she remained silent about the content of her mission.


    The entrance hall was already much tidier and Lady Evelyne was tying on one of her neatly ironed kitchen aprons to take care of dinner.


    One of the members pursed his lips and complained: ''What took you so long to catch up with us? I think it''s completely crazy that you were still ironing your aprons and cooking!''


    ''Prioritisation. Simply prioritisation. Thunder Benexi also says that it''s incredibly important to get your priorities right.''


    ''We''re in the middle of a war and you''re cooking? Are those your priorities?''


    ''Well, yes. If the rulers of this world thought more about how to feed people instead of killing them, it might be more productive. I''m just saying. And now I''d like to quote Kodaxx.''


    __________________________________________


    After a long search, Thunder Dude had finally found his mate in the kitchen. Mink was sitting at the table, obsessively chewing on a pencil while poring over a paper.


    ''What''s that?''


    ''A secret code. Yikesy. She''s corresponding with the enemy. I''ll find out what is written here, and then I''ll burn her!''


    Thunder Dude pondered the scene doubtfully. Burn Yikesy? She was probably the devil herself and would feel right at home in the fire!


    ''Coordinates'', Mink giggled maniacally, ''they must be coordinates. Here, these numbers. All encoded.''


    ''Genny''s tiles maybe'', said the Dude thoughtfully, ''You know - we''re sure we''ve got a leak. A spy. A traitor. I wonder if this is one of those warning notes with the coordinates?''


    He took a closer look at the note.


    At the bottom was another sentence in a different language. ''What does this mean?''


    ''Hm, someone has added something. A different handwriting. I''ll translate it for you.''


    ''That''s German...''


    ''It says: ''Even works with lion meat''!''


    ''Someone else wrote that. But who?''


    Suddenly the Dude shouted: ''I know that handwriting! I''ve written with her! That''s Lady Evelyne!''


    ''You write with her? Tell me, does EVERYONE here correspond with the enemy? Why?''


    ''She wrote me that their eunuchs were coming over and joining us,'' replied the Dude, absent-mindedly and completely focussed on the note.


    ''Eunuchs? Aren''t they those guys with no balls?''


    ''Yes. I wrote back to her that they''d be a good fit for us.''


    __________________________________________


    Meanwhile, the Thunder brothers had discovered masses of alcohol in the cellar of the newly conquered clan castle. They enthusiastically pounced on the supplies. The good mood finally escalated when they discovered a huge barrel of beer in a separate vault.


    King Mink could no longer concentrate on the important task of decoding the discovered note due to the constant noise. Angrily, he made his way to the cellar.


    ''Tell me, do you have to make such an incredible noise? Do you want to drink yourselves out of your minds for good? I''m trying to think! I know it''s a completely alien activity for you, but if I wasn''t constantly doing the thinking for everyone here, we''d already be as fucked as all the other cities! Oh boy... sometimes I think you all share just one brain cell!''


    ''Tomorrow is MD, boss!'' roared one of the Thunder brothers cheerfully, ''We''re already celebrating our victory! Let''s have some fun! Come on, have a drink too!''


    Mink rolled his eyes, but then had a tankard of beer handed to him. This drunken gang here was only bearable if you were drunk yourself. He downed the tankard in one gulp.


    _________________________________________


    ''Lady Evelyne is just a noob and has no skills!'' roared from the direction of 652.


    ''That''s right!'' the woman yelled back cheerfully.


    ''All you can do is bake cakes and write embarrassing rubbish!''


    ''That''s right too!''


    Silence. The 652 team were obviously thinking hard about what else they could shout.


    ''How long until the next sentence comes?'' giggled SGH, who was standing in the background making coffee.''


    ''Five minutes at least'', yoMama surmised, ''when they were shouting earlier that Genny''s pink boots look totally crap and would fit the donkey better, it actually took them ten minutes to come up with the next sentence. It''ll be fun when they realise that we''ve actually put the boots on the donkey.''


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    __________________________________________


    Mink had run every decoding programme he had over the note and tried everything imaginable. Tomorrow was MD, and he was determined to finish before then. He almost had the impression that he could be more creative under the effect of the alcohol, finding more possibilities for what the letters and numbers could mean. It seemed to be a stronger beer than what he was used to. A German beer, obviously, but it tasted fantastic. He had one of his brothers bring him a refill straight away.


    The Dude stuck his head in the door: ''Don''t take too much longer, brother, you should be fit tomorrow. We''re going to take them apart for good, that''s what we planned.''


    ''I''d like to take Yikesy down with me,'' muttered the King, ''burn the Russian and German grandmothers together. It will be a feast!''


    Suddenly he faltered. He looked in disbelief at the combinations that suddenly appeared before his eyes. Electrified, he jumped up and grabbed the Dude by the shoulders. ''I''ve got it, brother, I''ve got it!''


    ''What? How?''


    ''I cracked this bloody code! Look at this!''


    The Thunder Dude looked at the jumbled jumble of numbers and letters that his king had written down on various scraps of paper and didn''t understand a thing.


    ''Take a look!''


    ''I''m looking, brother, but it doesn''t make any sense! You''re already too drunk, I think!''


    ''Yes, I''ve got the code! Here - look - I translated the note into Japanese first. Then I rearranged the numbers. Then translated it into Korean. Then changed the numbers again. Then translated into Spanish. Then rearranged the letters. Then restored some of the Japanese characters from the first translation, translated their figurative meaning into English and doubled them. Added the numbers and then subtracted the sum of the remaining letters. And then...''


    The Thunder Dude felt like he was riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt. His best friend for countless years of fighting was completely bonkers, that much was certain. His obsession with trying to decode the note had obviously completely blown his mind.


    ''Brother, sit down, calm down. Maybe have a glass of water in between, not more of that beer.''


    ''Stop pretending I''m stupid. Here, it makes a complete sentence now!''


    Thunder Dude bent over the piece of paper and read out loud: ''All players in big accounts who claim to be IRL lorry drivers are actually male strippers.''


    _________________________________________


    The Dude stared at Mink in surprise. ''What''s that supposed to mean?''


    Mink chuckled triumphantly. ''It means that some people here have screwed us big time. This isn''t about betrayal, this is about secret information that can be useful in other ways. The sum of the numbers equals the amount of tips that are collected! And it''s so high that it can only be gay clubs! No male stripper can earn that much with a female audience. And the one underneath, look, that''s the solution set.''


    The scales fell from Thunder Dude''s eyes. He snapped his fingers. ''That''s right! ''Even works with lion meat'' - that''s a reference to F1FMafia! ''Lion'' was his nickname! He also sat in a big account and claimed to be a lorry driver IRL!'' He paused for a moment. ''Er, Mink, my friend... don''t we have someone in our clan who claims to be an IRL lorry driver?''


    Mink''s nose had turned a little greenish, but his burnt face made it hard to see.


    ''I''m afraid I really need to go for a shit!'' he said and then ran out of the room as if chased by lions.


    _____________________________________


    ''We will destroy you all!'' it shouted from the direction of the 652.


    Since no one on her side seemed to answer, Genny went to the window and opened it. ''We know that!'' she yelled back.


    ''You''re a bitch!''


    ''I know that too!''


    ''And your R4 has pink icing in her hair and no skills!''


    ''She knows that too!''


    Silence on the other side. They searched hard for further insults. Genny knew this could take a while and closed the window.


    She sat back down at the kitchen table with Lady Evelyne, who was sipping her teacup in amusement.


    ''Do you think we can still achieve anything here?'' asked Genny thoughtfully. ''I mean, apart from the rearguard battles? Irrr was very successful now, he got four people... but some of the others? Sometimes I think I didn''t do enough here when I had to spontaneously take over the clan on the night of the highest betrayal.''


    ''I mean you''ve accomplished a lot, Genny. Look at the girls. All they could do before was sing and dance and beat a tambourine. Now they can hold a sword.''


    ''They can hold it, but they can''t handle it!''


    ''They''ll learn that too, Genny. You encouraged them. Because you have that girls-support-girls attitude.''


    ''But look at them! They wear high heels with their combat gear!''


    ''They value their appearance, my dear. As former harem girls, they have been brought up to do so. Mafia has chosen his girls for their beauty, willingness and youth.'' She hesitated briefly and looked down at herself. ''Okay, and sometimes for their entertainment value. Besides, what do you want anyway: you even wear pink boots with your combat gear!''


    Genny tried to hide her feet under the kitchen table ''I''m a bitch! Bitches ALWAYS wear high heels! And by the way, you wear them too!''


    ''I''m a lady, darling. I don''t want to look like I have club feet. These combat boots are terribly undressable and you trample around so ungracefully in them.''


    ''And you''re wearing a kitchen apron with your combat gear!''


    ''Impel is making mince with flatbread for everyone tonight. I''ll assist her with the cooking in a minute. And our generals have told us to keep our combat gear on, no matter what. Even when sleeping and stuff. Tomorrow is MD.''


    ''You know, that''s what worries me. You''re thinking about baking cakes and cooking. Our Austrian captain is always drunk. Our fireman runs away at the first real fire. Our girls wear high heels with their combat gear. Our combat teams run in the wrong direction. And there are fewer of us every day. Our men are running away to the enemy.''


    ''The eunuchs are running away,'' Lady Evelyne corrected gently, ''the men are staying.''


    Genny sighed deeply. ''I don''t know if we''ll make it as a former harem. Each of our girls knows about 150 different ways to make a man happy and drive him out of his mind in full ecstasy. Okay, I know a few hundred more. Still, I''d rather they knew 150 different ways to change formation quickly! What am I supposed to do?''


    Lady Evelyne reached across the table for Genny''s hand.


    ''Dear friend, they will learn. Because you made them strong for it. And no matter how this turns out, I will always remember you as Penthesileia, who never shied away from a fight or responsibility, and who trusted her women above all to persevere in hard times.''


    ______________________________________________________


    Suddenly, staggering footsteps and loud roaring could be heard from outside, then the visibly drunk Captain Zax staggered into the hall. He was greeted by shouts of enthusiasm. He waved a bottle and slurred: ''Too much honour, I think I got some too. Those damn cowards didn''t stand a chance. It was so boring that I was half-dead at the end and had no troops left. Bloody orcs. At least I came out second best. And those pathetic bastards are only in second last place.'' He burped loudly and tried to wrest one last sip from the now empty bottle. Unsuccessfully. Angrily, he threw it out of the window.


    ''Hey!'' the lady was outraged, ''You''ll clean that up later! Your way of disposing of rubbish is bad for the planet!''


    ''There was only vodka left anyway, the angry Russian had left the bottle there before he left. Where''s my liquid bread? Does anyone know where my beer barrel is?''


    He looked around searching.


    Genny bit her lips.


    ''It was down in the cellar when we had to escape... but it was so huge, we couldn''t... er... I''m sorry...''


    Zax froze, suddenly looking stone cold sober. ''You''re not serious, are you? You left my beer barrel over there in the cellar?''


    ''There was a bit of an accident, as it were,'' Lady Evelyne intervened, ''the girls couldn''t take it with them, and the donkey refused to carry it. He has pride and dignity. He declared he would carry the baby Jesus, but not a profane beer barrel. And when I escaped from the burning castle, everything had to happen so quickly... I put the bowl on my head and quickly packed all the remaining marshmallows from the pantry into this bag. No marshmallows for the 652! I hope we can agree on that!''


    Nods of agreement all round.


    ''Then I quickly packed the first-aid kit. In case anyone gets sick. There was also the box with the laxative in it, so I was packed full and didn''t have a hand free. Yes, that''s how it was. Then I went down to the cellar and tried to save your beer barrel, Zax, I really wanted to! But it was big and heavy and I didn''t have a hand free... and you know how clumsy I am. I never know which buttons to press in the raid and all that. So I''m standing on the ladder by this beer barrel and I want to save it and I don''t have a hand free, and that''s when the first-aid kit fell into your barrel, Zax. So not the whole first-aid kit, just this one box, fortunately. So not the whole box, just the powder without the packaging. That was lucky too, as it has to be disposed of in an eco-friendly way. It really was an accident. And then there was the fire above me and this Thunder gang stormed our castle and I quickly got out via the back stairs.''


    There was silence in the hall.


    Zax pursed his lips.


    ''You dropped a whole carton of laxatives - without packaging of course, what luck for the planet - into my beer barrel, purely by accident and clumsiness of course?


    Lady Evelyne managed to look as innocent as a Madonna.


    ''You know, I just have no skills. I always press the wrong buttons and stuff. Full noob and all that. Things like that can happen.''