Genny stood at the kitchen window on the upper floor of the clan castle and stared gloomily out onto the battlefield. The clan towers burned in the distance. Several swords leaned against the wall, showing that they had only recently been used.


    ''Do you know when you want to kill someone and then you think up a thousand ways to kill them?'' she asked into the room without turning round.


    ''Of course!'' came the reply from the direction of the cooker, where Lady Evelyne was putting the next tray of muffins in the oven, ''But then I usually think up recipes. For example, I think about whether the oven would be big enough for a lion roast. Or lion lasagne. Sliced lion would also be delicious. Or smoked lion bacon in strips.'' Lady Evelyne closed the oven door with a bang. ''By the way, I''d like a lion skin for my birthday. As a bedside rug.''


    Genny turned round. Only now did she realise that there were three piles of papers on the kitchen table. ''What''s that?''


    ''Today''s post. I''ve already sorted it all. On the left are the poaching emails. On the right are the threatening letters. And the ones in the centre are the ones that contain both.''


    ''Eh?''


    ''Well, some people threaten us first and then try to poach us on the back. Others try to poach us first and then threaten us if we refuse. It''s the same everywhere anyway. And I''m wondering whether I should be offended or not. I''ve written to everyone saying that I can''t do anything and therefore don''t bring any added value to their city. But they all write back the same as Mafia did when he wanted me so badly.''


    ''Like what?''


    ''That they don''t give a shit. That I don''t have to do anything. That my entertainment value is priceless. They even want to pay for me to move. My ENTERTAINMENT VALUE! There you see it again: if you''re completely useless as a fighter, you can still make a career as an entertainer! I''m really considering whether I should be offended!''


    ''OMG. Mail for me too?''


    ''Plenty, darling. Everything on top. Four cities want you as a player, two as a leader. The last two also want to pay for your move. I''ve already utilised the unusable rest.''


    ''What unusable leftovers?''


    ''There were also a few foul mails. One of those blokes out there...'' Lady Evelyne made a slight gesture towards the 652 ''... lost his manners yesterday. He thinks that because they''re winning, he''s now entitled to free sex with us. And we''d have to offer ourselves to him out of fear, to be spared, or whatever. If he doesn''t heed the stop signal I gave him today, he''s gone - and by completely different people.''


    Genny felt the anger boiling up inside her. ''Where are those bloody nasty emails?''


    Lady Evelyne smiled. ''I fuelled the stove with it, my dear. It burned well.''


    Genny sighed. ''Well, rumour has it that one of the girls from 649 has been offering CAM sessions to the big boys in the Discord. Probably leads to a bit of a shift in perception and self-assessment.''


    Lady Evelyne placed a fragrant fresh muffin in front of Genny. ''Eat this, my dear. There''s nothing a good piece of cake can''t fix.''


    Before Genny could even take his first bite, the door suddenly opened and Impel came in. Or rather, she floated in. What could be said about Impel was that she was certainly one of the most beautiful women in the former harem of the F1FMafia. Her long dark flowing hair, dreamy big velvet eyes and full lips made her an exquisite beauty. She was also a kind-hearted, compassionate person who you couldn''t help but love. Right now she was carefully gathering up her flowing robes, adjusting the slipped neckline and shouting desperately: ''Look what I''ve found outside! We have to go and rescue the poor chap now!''


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ''Please what?'' asked Genny confused, ''Who do you want to free? What did you find?''


    The beauty held an object in the air: ''A bottle! Down by the river! And look what was inside! A cry for help!''


    Impel unfolded the note, which all three women bent over. ''HELP!'' was written on it. And underneath: ''Yikesy is bullying me. Thunder Dude.''


    The girl opened her big velvet eyes in horror: ''I think we should go and help him right away!''


    Lady Evelyne smiled: ''I think we should invite Yikesy for coffee.''


    Genny hissed, ''I think you should take a look outside! Thunder Dude, yeah? That''s the guy out there burning our towers right now!''


    Impel was pleased: ''But that''s good, then we won''t have far to go if we want to rescue and free him!''


    ''A brilliant idea, really! Everyone take a sword and then we''ll set off to free the Thunder Dude. There''s a good chance that RxD won''t die in battle, but from laughter. That''s another way to win the war.''


    Impel smiled dreamily. ''I''m sure he''s a very dear one! And just listen to how desperate he sounds. If you give me a coordinate, I''ll do it and free him. But please only give me one. The other day you wrote two coordinates in the chat, which confused me. I didn''t know which one to go to.''


    Lady Evelyne put the next tray in the oven and nodded. ''Sounds very sensible, Genny. Like in the film Life of Brian. One cross each. One coordinate each.''


    Genny closed her eyes and tried to breathe evenly and calmly.


    Impel grabbed one of the swords leaning against the wall and suddenly looked like a medieval angel statue with her flowing hair, flowing robes and sword in her hand. She waved the sword to try it out. Lady Evelyne and Genny gave each other a quick glance, then Genny leapt forwards and gently took the sword from Impel''s hand.


    ''Dear, you shouldn''t pick up something like that. You''ll hurt yourself later. Leave it to the boys.''


    ''They''re all hanging out downstairs in the Knights'' Hall and are drunk!''


    ''I still don''t want you to get hurt! Yesterday one of the girls accidentally attacked herself. And Little Miss really wanted to join in too and... heavens! I can''t even think about what could have happened!''


    ''Just one coordinate each,'' came the know-it-all tone from the direction of the cooker, ''then it should work.''


    While Impel dreamily reached for her harp instead of her sword and sat down by the window to sing sad love songs, the door opened again and the visibly drunk Captain Zax staggered into the kitchen.


    ''There''s someone outside who wants to marry Genny,'' he mumbled.


    ''Oh, it must be Vind!'' Lady Evenlyne exclaimed, ''He proposed to her yesterday in the governor''s mansion! It was sooo romantic!''


    ''No,'' slurred Captain Zax, ''It''s a donkey! He says he''s travelled through ten worlds in search of true love. Now he wants to join here and marry Genny.''


    ''Oh, how romantic!'' exclaimed Impel dreamily.


    ''Oh, but I don''t want to!'' exclaimed Genny most unromantically, ''And now?''


    ''Then, he says, he''ll emigrate to America.''


    Impel had jumped up. ''Can I have a carrot for the donkey, please? Look, he''s out there, he''s sooo cute!''


    Lady Evelyne handed Impel a carrot and made a note in parallel on her recipe pad: carrot salad with pickled lion.


    Captain Zax stared at the swords on the wall. ''I''m going to fight again later. When I''m sober again. Where should I go?''


    Genny pointed outside with a vague gesture. ''Where there''s a fire. Everywhere, really. You can''t miss it.''


    ''But only one coordinate each!'' came a warning from the direction of the cooker.


    While Captain Zax staggered out of the kitchen again and Impel fed the donkey the carrot, Genny grabbed the note with the Dude''s call for help, took one of the knives from the kitchen table and rammed the note into the wall.


    ''Hey!'' protested Lady Evelyne, ''That was one of my best cake knives! What am I supposed to cut the cake with now?''


    Genny grumbled and retreated to her observation post by the window. Downstairs, Impel was cuddling with the donkey, who was clearly enjoying it. Every now and then he freed himself from her embrace and shouted in the direction of the 652: ''You''re all gay!''


    Genny turned round towards the lady with a sigh: ''Dear friend, you know I really appreciate your advice. What do you say to this, any idea of a solution?'' She pointed to the burning clan towers.


    Lady Evelyne thought about it and nodded. She reached for - the key to the pantry.


    ''Marshmallows. The order of the day is marshmallows. If there''s a fire anyway, there''s nothing that can top a good marshmallow party.''