"Shit," a deluge of vomit, the 8th or 9th since his unfortunate meal, geysered out of Jimmy Jack''s throat. "I think that''s finally all of it!''


    One last Family Guy gag''s worth of puke arrived seconds later before pigment was restored to the Hope of Hydenfell''s features. Thank God the more successful bites had already worked their magic on his HP. Now feeling better, JJ climbed back up to the main clearing and started take two on his jaunt to the Pain Forest.


    Spotting the bear''s normal patrol radius, Jimmy Jack was able to sneak by the thing that almost did him in. Pocketing a few mushrooms and acorns for later suppers, he soon found himself at the entrance to the woeful woods. He was pretty sure this would be the easiest obstacle thus far. While he was no fan of the outdoors, he had spent plenty of time in the trees growing up. Granted, he was whining to go home to his consoles the entire time every time but the experience had to count for something.


    One step in, no monsters. Two steps in, no threats. Easy-peasy. All he had to do was follow the conspicuously linear trail and he would be arriving to a hero''s welcome. The Sun pierced through the trees and a chorus of off-screen woodland animals hummed a serene melody. One might even say it was a picturesque setting. That one was not Jimmy Jack, who had about as much appreciation for nature as he had skill with a sword. Yep, this was smooth sailing.


    "God damn it," Jimmy Jack tripped over another root. "The hell?"


    It was no longer midday and the music''s beat had slowed to a crawl. The Moon had decided to start its shift early, and chilly. It wasn''t a freeze. It was one of those blustery gusts that tickles the nape of your neck. In fact, weather would have been nice if it wasn''t for the wind. Now twilight, the abrupt change offered enough light to push forward. Jimmy Jack just needed to power ahead.


    "Aro," a bipedal canine jumped into view with a hellish hound. Jimmy Jack began his mad dash right away with no thoughts of a fight. He had already almost been dragged away by a coyote once in his life. It sure as shit wasn''t going to happen again.


    Stowing himself into a shack to hide from the damned dog, Jimmy Jack perused the shed for provisions. Nothing but a couple of cheap Purls and a few of those stunners that he no had interest in trying out. JJ waited out the hound''s sweep, flipping it the bird when it started to scurry back off to its spawn spot. The squatter chuckled at the failed ambush. All that thing did was cause him to haul ass further to the exit. There probably wasn''t a single brain cell in any of the creeps that called this place home.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    "Whoa," Jimmy Jack could almost feel his beard trimmed by the swinging ax he had accidentally triggered. Ok, maybe they had a couple brain cells.


    Brushing off the close call, JJ continued forward. The gales picked up, blowing leaves everywhere. Some of the biggest fire ants he had ever seen bullrushed our hero, who was able to thwart them with minimal damage taken. What pushovers. He felt nothing as the last one''s guts stained his steel. Now feeling cocky, he felt confident he could make similar mincemeat of the four-legged freaks blocking the next section.


    "Ow," a trio of chomps caused him to retreat back to base.


    Taking an alternate route, Jimmy Jack munched on the makeshift trail mix he had picked up to negate the blows. He also made sure to spoon himself a few drinks from a stream, It didn''t taste that bad actually. He doubted he had ever taken a sip of straight up H20 that didn''t taste like it had coins in it. A second dogman was noticed but this one was running around like an asshole and was out of JJ''s direct path. Another abandoned structure was found after another round of extermination. Maybe it had something good to pocket.


    "Now that''s what I''m talkin'' about!"


    Jimmy Jack couldn''t believe his luck. Hoping for something small but practical like a bigger wallet, a bag of explosives or a take-and-bake pizza, his expectations were blown away by the chest that waited inside. This wasn''t some dinky container surely filled with disappointment. This was a big honker. It had to be a major item for his quest. Maybe a bow? Maybe a quiver? Maybe a bow AND quiver? Like a kid on Christmas, he flung the box open with aplomb.


    "There ain''t shit in here," the blank innards baffled him. Shocking, sure, but not as surprising as the teeth that sprouted on the hinges.


    A fuckin'' trap. Jimmy Jack tripped over a can, leaving himself vulnerable to a pounce. Tucking himself in his most-used stance, he felt a mighty pull on his back. His shield, once formidable, was chewed into nothingness as if it were made of cotton candy. The phony prize holder let out a belch to make room for the main course. Shooting its tongue out, Jimmy Jack, by pure chance, managed to stick his blade up just in time. The prehensile projectile ripped like taffy as the dopple-fanger screamed in agony, disappearing into the void, leaving no presents old or new.


    Now defenseless, well, more than before, Jimmy Jack marched. He had grown used to carrying 15 pounds on his back and now felt naked. Waldron did say a town waited at the other end so perhaps he could buy another one. He had to be getting close to the city limits. The wind was blowing fast enough to make whip cracks. Surely, that was just a progression thing and not some build-up to an epic toll. It would be so tacky to put up a major challenge this early in the zone. What could possibly stand between him and Grassy Grove?


    The titanic bear knocking over trees was more than happy to answer that question.