"Look, buddy, take it easy," Jimmy Jack was showing no signs of being the hero Jacinta thought him to be.
There was no way JJ could handle one more blow. Even a brush against the skeleton''s shoulders would send him to the Promised Land. He knew he had to be close to the outdoors. That door in the back was too large and conspicuous to lead to anywhere unimportant. The chamber shared the rocky interior of the previous rooms but a quartet of flames in the corners lit the space, signifying further importance. In addition, small pockets of water and beds of grass gave way to the most life Jimmy Jack had seen since his arrival; not that he would be able to enjoy the ecosystem.
"Any last words?" the creep cackled as he folded into that pose that preceded his special attack.
"Nickelback....had some........bangers," the damned man unleashed his most hidden feelings in between sobs.
"ROAR," Jimmy Jack couldn''t even look at the loud bellow that was to serve as the last sound he ever heard. Seconds passed and he could still hear his pounding heartbeat and feel the tickle of softer blades on his body. Lifting himself out of the fetal position, the sight that awaited him had him wishing for Mr Bones.
The skeletal swordsman had been devoured from above by what looked to be a giant Venus Fly Trap, grown in the Devil''s Garden. The flowery fiend belched one of the now useless segments of its dinner at the feet of a terrified Jimmy Jack; a warning it still wasn''t full. In a panic, Jimmy Jack sprinted to salvation, which slammed shut with an iron bar. Turning around, the terror, Thornin to its mother, hung from the center of the ceiling, licking its toothless maw, chewing wasn''t really its thing, and gleeking rock-sized spit accumulations onto the flora below. Jimmy Jack knew he was in for a much greater fight; a boss battle of sorts. Thornin was much bigger than his previous enemies, a tender red boil on top of its head served as hint to what he needed to whack and the rustic ambiance he had been hearing was starting to build into a frantic barn-burner.
"Missed me, bitch," Jimmy Jack gloated at the charge even if it was more of a terrified half-faint than a skilled evasive roll. Thornin was able to curtail its momentum without slamming its weak point on the hard wall.
Undaunted, the first major monster snapped its head back to the middle of room, raising itself to the highest point the stalk it grew from would allow it to retract. Perfectly placed, it was too aerial for the rocks Jimmy Jack threw in desperation. Not that the weak lobs would do any damage anyway. Stretching its lips as far as they could go, Thornin began vomiting acid in a predetermined pattern that Jimmy Jack was fortunate enough to avoid. The upchuck burned through the grass, disappearing after just a few seconds.
"The hell?" Jimmy Jack was sure he was beginning to hallucinate. The removal of the patch had unveiled what looked to be a treat; heart shaped. He didn''t care if it was on the ground. A cookie was a goddamn cookie. Shoving the red snack in his gullet, he instantly felt slightly better. Boy, if he could find about three more of those!
Thornin tried in vain to deal a killing shot on the forager. He hadn''t been able to land a single glancing swing on anything prior but the possibility of plural pastries led to some yard work that would make Hank Hill proud. Having found enough pick-me-ups to feel completely recharged, Jimmy Jack had also found himself 20 Purls richer. What a tethered killer weed needed money for was anyone''s guess but Jimmy Jack figured he had no right to criticize the economy of another nation. Maybe things were booming in Hydenfell.
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"Thwack," Jimmy Jack''s attention was snapped back to the abomination, who connected with a solid headbutt, knocking its prey backwards several feet. Suddenly, he didn''t feel as good and the remedial resources had been plucked dry. It probably would have been a smart choice to save the last four in case of emergency.
JJ was able to sidestep several of Thornin''s offensives but he hadn''t made a dent in his opposition''s health bar. Soon enough, he found himself groggy once again. That damn sore stuck out but Jimmy Jack''s inability to lay into it was beginning to frustrate the Hope of Hydenfell. Every time he got close, the bastard would sway. It must have been 20 minutes with this nonsense. On top of that, his phone battery had died. He didn''t need it at that moment but that still sucked ass. If those brambles didn''t put him down for the count, exhaustion would.
"Wait, duh," Jimmy Jack felt like an idiot. Defeating a boss wasn''t a test of brawn. It was a test of brain. He couldn''t just expect to unga-bunga one of Hydenfell''s fiercest into submission. He had to think. He had to use a tool. He knew just the one. Pulling out one of the sticks Jacinta had bestowed upon him, he set up shop near one of the burning beacons. It was obvious what he was supposed to do.
"Err?" Thornin seemed surprised at the failed javelin.
"Shit!"
A second stick split harmlessly, as did a third and fourth. Only one was left in stock. He had to focus for this one. All it would take was one fastball right to that bump and it would have been curtains for the voracious vine villain. Steadying his aim, Jimmy Jack cursed the accelerating briars. Just when it looked like he had a clear shot, the neon sign would scuttle away safely. Feeling his hand begin to sweat and every teacher he ever had''s words of discouragement flood back in his ear, Jimmy Jack broke down.
"God damn it, this is too hard," a person never known for emotional maturity launched the last lob without scouting. As far as he was concerned, the stupid fucker could just eat him.
"Rehhhhh," Thornin howled in agony. The flung wood had inadvertently been set ablaze, crisping Thornin''s stalk into nothingness. Now just a head, the once fearsome creature struggled to stay upright, eventually flipping all its weight on the parasitic sac that kept its black heart beating, popping it like a pimple and rendering Thornin lifeless.
"Gross," Jimmy Jack commented on the ooze that leaked out before the fiend exploded into nothingness. The lock gave out, allowing passage. A much larger cookie served as a second prize. Jimmy Jack scarfed it down. They say too much dessert is bad for you but he now felt like he was in the best shape of his life.
An amazed "holy fuckin'' shit" escaped JJ''s mouth as soon as he swung the cave''s exit open. The dark dungeon had given way to a seemingly endless bright field. It was a clear day and you could see forever. A bustling town was on the horizon, a majestic snowy peak in the distance. He could have done without that ominous castle floating on clouds of purple that was way, way back there though.
"Hero! You''ve arrived!"
"Holy shitballs! A talking fox!?"
"Fox? I am Waldron the Wise, the eyes and ears of the Royal Family!"
"Ok."
"Princess Jacinta beckoned me while in the Spirit Realm. It is my solemn duty to assist the Hero From Beyond in defeating the evil Gnarl. Throughout your journey, I shall arrive to arm you with information. You are a hardened warrior but rest assured, this quest will not be easy! Wah-wah!"
"Oh, really?" Jimmy Jack pretended to care. The animal kept yapping for another five minutes. Even after a third "yeah" and five repeats of "that''s crazy," he was still blabbering. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, the tank ran out of gas.
"Do you need me to repeat that?"
"Yes! I mean, no," but it was too late. Why had that been his first instinct?
"Princess Jacinta beckoned me while in the Spirit Realm. It is my solemn duty to assist the Hero From Beyond in defeating the evil Gnarl. Throughout your journey, I shall arrive to arm you with information. You are a hardened warrior but rest assured, this quest will not be easy! Wah-wah!"
"Please kill me," Jimmy Jack thought as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance. Waldron may have been Wise but he wasn''t picking up on the hint to go kick rocks.