Chapter 223


    “Enough about that asshole … Have you heard anything more about that god-awful psycho slut?” Le


    blinks at me and I know immediately that she means Marissa. The images that brassy whore conjures


    up in my head from the dining room experience make me bristle in hate.


    “Surprisingly not. She’s been lying low and hiding out since that little scene. Jake keeps expecting


    some sort of backsh like a refusal to let him see the kid after it’s born or something equally vindictive.


    He says silence is never good with her and I get the sense he’s on tenterhooks about it.” I try for


    nonchnt and just sound snooty. Le grins at me, seeing through my attempts at mature and


    disconnected.


    “Yeah, she’s always been a devious whore with a calcted mind … Watch that one, Emma. She’s got


    absolutely no scruples; money, looks and entitlement have made for a very deathly spoiled bitch.


    Barbie with a shotgun and a hunger for blood.”


    Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org.


    Iugh at Le’s description and sigh, lounging back to pick up thest of the grapes we retrieved from


    the bed. That pang of pain at the mere mention of her. Even though I forgave him I still find myself


    pondering it all and it can still hurt me when I let it.


    “Still no sex?” Le butts into my morose demeanor. I sigh extra loudly, shaking my head and rolling my


    eyes in frustration, flopping back against the cushions on the bed beside her feet.


    “Jake literally can’t muster up the ability to do it, anytime we get close he just has images of impaling a


    baby’s head or other such nonsense about guilt or making me miscarry. You know what he’s like about


    being forting with his insecurities … pretends that he’s got none. He’spletely freaking out


    about it and no amount of reassurance from the doctor has changed that. He’s treating me like fine


    china and if I so much as dare to move an inch he’s all over me asking me what I need or if I want to


    lay down or if I should even be moving around. He’s suffocating me with over protectiveness and to be


    frank, I feel like strangling him to death.” I let it all out in a gush then grin at the hrity of it all; it


    appears yboy Casanova Carrero has done a massive U turn.


    Le bursts into hystericalughter and falls sideways on the bed unable to control herself.


    “Oh, my God.” She wheezes trying to gain control. “Who knew hot stud Carrero would literally go


    celibate and turn into such a fish wife?” She bursts into another fit of giggles and I hit her with a


    cushion.


    “It’s not funny! Sex happens to be one of his most defining qualities.” Iugh and throw another cushion


    when tears start pouring down her face, uncontrobleughter bubbles forth from that petite little


    blonde.


    “It’s kinda cute though.” She chokes, trying to get theughter under control, hugging her ribs. “I mean


    he obviously loves his baby so much already that it’s messing with his head as much as you do,


    Emma.” She wipes her


    eyes and throws one of the cushions back at me. I can’t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth it gives


    me and try to ignore the niggle of guilt I get when I think of Marissa’s baby.


    “But what do I do about it? He says it’s partly to do with forgiving himself. But my hormones are crazy


    bad! I’m literally thinking of slipping Viagra in his coffee and raping him in his sleep!” I huff and flop back


    dejectedly. The inner frustration from aching for sextely has brought back touchy and grouchy


    Emma. I need more than cuddles and caresses. Jake has shown me a whole world of kinky sexual


    fulfillment and I need that back too.”


    “You wouldn’t need to. Jake has that sleep thing … Ummm sexo … something.” Le points out


    distractedly while thumbing through the magazine still on the bed.


    “Sexsomnia!” I sit upright remembering our conversation in Chicago a while ago. He initiates sex while


    sleeping if he’s overly stressed.


    “Yeah, get him stressed to the max then make the moves on him in the middle of the night and he’ll do


    the rest. If he does it once he’ll see, there’s no danger.” Leughs but I sigh and shake my head at


    her.


    “I couldn’t do that, it’s too sordid and seems like I’d be taking advantage of him. He wouldn’t be happy


    about it and I couldn’t do it. It would be wrong on so many levels.” I can just imagine the amount of


    pissed off I would get from Jake if he thought he’d done the deed while not being aware of it. The anger


    at not being able to protect me from himself and anger at me for deliberately pushing him to do it. I


    know only too well how that head works.


    “So? You just need to pull out all the stops and seduce him. Push out those crazy fears and doubts by


    whirling him into a lust fueled frenzy he has no control over. You seemed to be more than capable of


    that before all this.” Le winks across at me with a smirk. I think about what she’s saying for a long


    moment and smile.


    “You’repletely right. I’ve got so used to Jake running after me, pandering to my every need, and


    still basically kissing ass to make up for things, that I haven’t once thought about turning on the sex


    myself.”


    I have spent weeks being heartbroken and moody at having a version of Jake I’m not used to,


    pampering my every mood and I haven’t even thought about unleashing my own powers of persuasion.


    The Emma from our games and Emma from the night in this very house dressed in sexy lingerie and


    tight dresses that drove him wild. Emma who knew how to push Jake’s buttons. I need to up the game


    and remind him of just how much he wanted me.


    Where is that, Emma?


    She has been mourning and sulking, hiding herself for fear of letting him back in and now she has no


    reason not to. She wants him back in, needs him, and she sure as hell is going to show him that’s what


    he needs too. I’ll be damned if I spend the entirety of this pregnancy as a sex starved, hormonal, crazy,


    bitch with serious sexual frustration. I am sure as hell going to get Jake back to how he was when I had


    no baby bump on show and could make the most of sexy lingerie and kinky fun. He doesn’t know what


    is about to hit him. I am going to seduce Jake Carrero and sweep him off his feet this time! I need that


    man back, the one who drove me crazy with lust and wasn’t afraid to have sex in manypromising


    positions in various locations. He made me feel desired and sexy.


    “You know you’vepletely ruined one of New York’s most eligible bachelors now?” Le eyes me up


    with a mischievous smile.


    “How so?” I smile at her, furrowing my brow.


    “Workaholic, jet-setting man-whore, a seriousmitment-phobe with an adrenaline junkie lifestyle.


    Now he’s a doting fiancée with baby on the way, buying houses, avoiding work and dangerous hobbies


    like the gue. You know even if you left him now Emma, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.


    His old life has no appeal anymore, it wouldn’t satisfy him the way it once did. Irreversible damage little


    one. I’m so proud of you.” She grins and squeezes the ankle of my outstretched foot, affectionately,


    and I can only smile back at Le’s always refreshing view from the outside.


    “I guess you’re right.” I ponder her words and gaze at myp.


    Is that what happened to me too? Is this why going back to the Carrero Corporation no longer holds


    appeal or any sort of tug?


    That girl was so focused on her job as an assistant because it was what she needed. Focus and


    control and details to oversee, a distraction from her own life and pain. She liked to immerse herself in


    someone else’s realities and needs, it helped her push down any sort of emotion needed to connect to


    a life. She had no life.


    Now I’m struggling to go back because it no longer satisfies me or appeals in any way, because Jake


    changed me too. Irreversible damage! And if he left me now, I could never go back to who I was either.


    That life is so far in my past that it’s no longer connected to me in any way. The girl I was no longer


    resembles the woman I have be. I need a new tomorrow, a new purpose and focus in life, I need


    a new job.


    Sylvana watches me over the rim of her coffee mug as I eat breakfast. Jake is due back today and I’m


    starting to get serious withdrawals over his absence. The only good thing about him being gone for


    three whole days is that I seem to have built a bond with Sylvana: a lot of time together this past couple


    of days while chatting about everything and nothing. I’m morefortable in this women’s presence


    than I ever was in my own mother’s. She has a gentle way about her that makes you rx and never


    judges you at all.


    “You look so much better today, miele. So much more color in your face than the day you arrived with


    Jake.” She regards me with an affectionate warmth in her eye.


    “I don’t feel as bad. The nausea is getting better and I’m not so tired and emotional anymore. I think my


    body is settling with the hormones.” I drink my own cup of cocoa and nestle my feet under myself on


    the couch beside her.


    “It’s that Carrero blood, Jake especially, was a trying pregnancy. I was so up and down in the beginning


    and so very tired. It could be a sign you’re carrying another hot tempered, Italiano …” She smiles,


    cing a hand on my knee for a moment and squeezing gently, “…a mini hurricane.” The sheer pride


    in her statement has me smiling too. I can imagine Jake must’ve been a handful as a child. He’s a


    handful as an adult and that’s with maturing. I can’t imagine what his offspring are going to be like.


    “Sometimes it doesn’t seem real and then other times it’s so real I find myself panicking.” I sigh and


    realize at this moment it’s heading toward thetter. I’m a little breathless at the thought of a junior Jake


    giving me a good run around as a mother.


    “You’ll be fine. Jake will be a doting father as much as he will be a doting husband. You’re lucky to have


    such a strong rtionship to work with; a strong man who isn’t afraid to show the world he loves you.”


    She smiles my way dreamily, a twinkle in her eye at the obvious adoration of her child.


    We’re sitting in the cozy lounge, the one reserved for family, and have a cheesy romance movie on the


    big screen. She had the breakfast served in here this morning, bagels, and cream cheese, and we’re


    both sat in our fluffy robes curled up in the warmth of the quiet cozy room.


    “Yes, he does. I didn’t think I would ever be here. There was a time I really believed Jake never saw


    anything other than a friend.” I sigh at the memory; it seems like light years ago that I was that closed-


    off version of myself getting Jake’s inner thoughts so very wrong.


    “Jake always was a little lost when it came to his feelings and verbalizing them. He had a bad time with


    that Marissa, and it caused him to be a little overprotective of his heart. He had no defenses for you


    though. I still remember himing to me so broken-hearted because he sent you away from his


    office, thinking he could never live up to what he thought you wanted him to be or ever had a chance at


    gaining your love.” For a moment, she’s so pained that I get tearful. The thought of Jake so hurt brings


    tears to my eyes and a deep ache to my heart.