《The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO)》 Chapter 1: Emma Chapter 1: Emma I smooth my hands down my pencil skirt and gray tailored, jacket before touching up my dark lipstick in the hall mirror with a look of resignation. My eyes scan and check my tawny hair is neat and sleek in its high bun and I scrutinize my reflection again, to make sure it¡¯s precise. Sighing once more, I take a steadying breath trying to ready myself, pushing down the gnawing ache of anxiety and nerves deep inside my gut. I¡¯ll do. I look as good as I know I¡¯m capable of, and I¡¯m mildly satisfied with what I see before me; a cool, efficient image of cold poise and gray tailoring that exudes authority, with no hint of the turmoil of emotion inside me. I narrow my eyes to look for any ws to my immacte armor, any stray hairs, specks of dust, or creased fabric, and find none. I¡¯ve never been a lover of my own reflection, with my young appearance, cool blue eyes, and pouting lips, but nothing is out of ce and I look right for my new role as personal assistant to my very high- profile boss. Professional and capable on the outside which I guess is what matters, calm and upromising with every detail in ce and clothes wlessly neat. I have always been good at shielding the truth about how I feel inside. I slide on my stilettos with a slow careful motion, keeping my bnce with one hand on the wall and hearing the movement in the room behind me, I check the mirror in response. ¡°Morning, Ems ¡­ God, you look professional as always.¡± Sarah stifles a yawn as she wanders from her room and rubs her eyes with the back of her fist childishly as I watch her in the reflection behind me. It¡¯s unusual for her to be up this early on her day off; Sarah¡¯s never been a lover of mornings for as long as I¡¯ve known her. She¡¯s wearing her baggy pink housecoat, and her messy, short, bleached blonde hair is sticking up at all angles from her head; casually loveable as always, and I am warmed with affection for that bundle of happy energy. Her bright blue eyes are heavy with early morning fatigue and she¡¯s watching me closely with a silly smile on her face. A little too closely for my liking. ¡°Good morning, Sarah.¡± I smile lightly, I try to ignore the way she¡¯s looking at me and straighten up to stand tall. I turn, lifting my briefcase from the floor in front of me and head forward into our open n apartment. Ever conscious of my grace and mannerisms under scrutiny, even in front of her, and push out the sense of tightness in my nerves today; swallow down the listlessness and try extremely hard to curb the swirling of my stomach. ¡°Remember you need to be here for ten o¡¯clock ¡­ the boiler repair.¡± I remind her as she shuffles along behind me to the living room area, trying to distract her from the open gawking she seems to be doing. Running through my schedule in my head like a mental checklist to give me something else to think about, besides my uneasiness today. ¡°I know. I know! You left me a memo on the fridge remember?¡± she giggles childishly and throws me a patient look, raising a brow with an almost indulgent expression. She looks much younger than her age and sometimes I forget we went to school together. I¡¯m more like her guardian than her roommate nowadays, but maybe I always did, if I am being honest. I sigh again, pushing down the tight knot of apprehension growing inside and give her a small smile of bravado. ¡°Don¡¯t forget.¡± I sound stern, but she doesn¡¯t react, she¡¯s used to my serious tone and my endless organization of our lives. She knows this is the way I do things; my need to be in control and have everything just so makes me feel more capable. ¡°I won¡¯t. I swear ¡­ I¡¯m not working until tonight, so I¡¯m going to stick around and chix ¡­ Watch some back-to-back Netflix.¡± She moveszily in the bright white and gray kitchen to the side of me and begins making herself a coffee. Lifting the mug I washed earlier this morning from the rack for herself, with another sleepy bright smile. I watch her casual, confident movements around the space; her domain when she¡¯s at home, and it gives me a sense of calm. Sarah was always good at making me feel a little saner when I needed it, never aware of how I drew from that uplicated rxed manner of hers when I had to ground myself. ¡°I¡¯m going to work.¡± I walk steadily into the small hall by the side of the bar which juts out into the lounge and lift the few open letters from the counter I¡¯ve yet to deal with today. I know that I¡¯m lingering and acting indecisively,pared to my usual efficient routine every day, and normally I¡¯d already be walking to the subway station, despite being early. ¡°Oh, here.¡± She slides a white envelope out from behind the toaster and holds it out expectantly for me to take, a nk look on her face. ¡°Before I forget ¡­ I know you¡¯ve probably already taken care of them, as usual.¡± Her sparkling eyes sh at me with affectionate amusement. ¡°What is it?¡± I look at the long envelope, taking it from her slowly with careful fingers, eyeing it up with a frown, seeing no writing on the front. ¡°My half of the utilities and the rent ¡­ I got paid early.¡± She smiles brightly and sets about going back to making herself coffee, pulling a loaf of bread open to slide slices into the toaster. ¡°Right, and yes. I¡¯ve taken care of it already ¡­ Thank you.¡± I take it and slide it into my bag to bank at lunch and mentally note down a memo to do so. I ritually pay our bills at the start of every month when I¡¯m paid, having a very good wage in a greatpany with many perks makes it effortless to make sure we are always up to date. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. ¡°No surprise there then,¡± she mumbles and throws me another affectionate look, all cute eyes, and gentle sighs as she regards me from a sideways look that I clearly catch. I just shake my head at her, fully aware that she prefers that I take control of our living expenses and always have. She¡¯s never been good with money and I doubt she would remember to pay the rent on time without my ever- efficient presence to do so. Taking care of things is how I like it to be; it gives me purpose, control, and a focus in my life that I so desperately need to thrive. ¡°I won¡¯t be home until six o¡¯clock, Sarah. I presume you¡¯ll be at work by then, so have a wonderful day.¡± I turn from the breakfast bar and head for the main door of our apartment, lifting my warm jacket as I pass the dining table and turn with a smile when I reach the dark te door. ¡°Oh, wait ¡­ Good luck on meeting your super-hot boss for the first time, Miss. Anderson!¡± She beams at me excitedly, raising her eyebrows; leaning out across the worktop so all I can see is her head popping out from the kitchen at a funny angle. She looks messy but cute and far too awake for her today. I smile back emptily, not wanting to give my feelings away or show any weakness. ¡°Thanks.¡± My face heats slightly with the rise of nerves hitting my stomach hard again but ignore the sensation, swallowing it all down with the expertise of a seasoned actress. ¡°Are you nervous?¡± she probes with a little furrow of her brow, still leaning out a little too far to watch me adjust my briefcase handle and pull my outside jacket on over my suit. I frown back at her question, the tightening knot in my stomach intensifying somewhat but I shake my head with a ¡°No¡± in reply. If I admit it to her then I admit it to myself, then I¡¯ll let my nerves get the better of me and lose my edge. That just wouldn¡¯t do at all. ¡°Of course, you¡¯re not ¡­ You never are!¡± she adds quickly with a grin and slides back into her little culinary world, oblivious to anything amiss in my behavior today. I smile again as I watch her recede and turn with a wave of my fingertips before heading out the door on my mission to get to work. Sweet Sarah. So sure of my capabilities and cool, outward confidence. I sometimes wonder if she even remembers the old me at all. If she even associates me with the girl I was when we met, so many years ago? I close the door behind me quietly, holding onto the handle for a second as I take a deep steadying breath and take a moment to be still. Refusing to let emotion get the better of me and crack my armor. Looking down at the cool silver knob as a way of calming myself once more, steadying that creep of inner nerves and pushing down all my anxiety and fears. I can do this. It¡¯s what I¡¯ve been working so hard for; finally, my abilities recognized after years of hard work and climbing the internaldder. I need to push down the inner doubts and the final traces of my adolescent Emma, to focus on the tasks ahead of me. The responsibilities I¡¯ll be taking on after today. It¡¯s heady and overwhelming, but I steel my nerves inwardly, still my hands against me as I¡¯ve practiced a million times in thest ten years. Everyday working toward this person I¡¯ve be; this cool and confident persona known as Emma Anderson. It takes a moment to be able to walk from the door, but as I do, the armor sliding up and the mask fully connecting with my face. Each step strengthening my resolve, back to my normal practiced demeanor and that inner me finding the will power and steady strength to pull this off, day after day. I head to the subway station. Chapter 2 Chapter 2 He¡¯s twenty-eight and despite having worldly maturity about him, he looks younger than his age when you see pictures straight on and caught off guard. I can¡¯t deny that I see the appeal. He seems to have the body of someone who is graced with a good strong, tall physique, and he takes care of it. There are enough topless shots of him in the media to confirm that, and he¡¯s not shy about showing it off. He also seems to have a weakness for tribal and Aztec tattoos, which litter his body in a ratherplimentary way. He looks like a typical brainless model; too good-looking to be a nice guy and far too muscr to have a decent IQ. There¡¯s no doubt he¡¯s been blessed with more sex appeal than necessary for one man, and this is the root of my nausea. He¡¯s someone who charms and strings along women effortlessly. Unlike all the men I¡¯ve ever known, and that makes me distrust him. I can handle men who leech and grope, whose intent is written on their faces and have cowardly natures. I¡¯ve never been faced with someone with the capabilities Jacob Carrero seems famed for. The effortless ability to make women swoon at his feet and follow him around doe-eyed and lust sick. The man seems to just click his fingers to find dates and they all scramble to get a go at him. It¡¯s pathetic really. I know it¡¯s a huge honor to get this position. I know that I¡¯m good at my job, and I¡¯ve pleased the right people downstairs to even get here at such an early age, but I feel sick and scared for the hundredth time. I¡¯m doubting myself, despite my achievements; the curse of my self-doubts. The old Emma still hidden in the shadows, shaking her head at me, and trying to convince me that I am a fraud. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve overstepped my worth. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m capable of the task ahead of me. Capable of working with someone so young and as all-epassing as Jacob Carrero, the celebrity hotel tycoon and New York¡¯s most eligible bachelor. I pull my focus back to task, putting my mind onto doing something manual always helps me get myself together. I do as Margo asked and ready therge expensive espresso machine in the white kitchen. It¡¯s small, modern and sleek, if a little clinical, and seems to only be used to supply tea and coffee despite the huge refrigerators. I wipe down the surfaces of the machine and surrounding worktops, removing the dust from the coffee grounds and ready his tray with iced water. Taking somefort in this calming task. My nerves still rattled, and this irritates me. I thought I had gained more control than this. I arrange everything she has requested neatly on his desk, straightening things as I go and checking the room to make sure everything is in its ce. I like neatness, it makes me calm and feel more in control, as though somehow by everything being orderly, my life is more so. I smooth down my blouse, now that I¡¯ve removed my jacket, savoring the silky feel of the expensive pale gray fabric and return with the pile of mail and messages I took for him yesterday. They¡¯re only the ones that require his attention and ce them on his desk in line with the leather seat sitting neatly behind it. The office is spacious and airy. One wall of ss and through it, the view of New York at its finest, hindered only by vertical blinds that sit open. Large abstract prints fill the sea of gray expanse to the left. I can¡¯t help but let my eyes skim over the silver framed pictures to the left corner of the wooden desk, with various people in ck and white stills. Beautiful women, celebrities, and one of his father, Mr. Carrero Sr. Someone I¡¯ve seen from a distance before, during a huge functionst year that required extra staff. They look only vaguely alike in that Italian way, although I know Jacob must look more like his mother, as the resemnce ends there. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. In pride of ce is arge framed picture of, who I recognize, is his mother. She¡¯s very beautiful, and the resemnce is striking. Same dark hair, gorgeous face, cool tan. Same bright green eyes, and yet a gentle warmth in that face. Inparison, Carrero senior is fairer haired with deep brown eyes and a tight, harsh face, etched with lines as though his skin is weather beaten. In the picture of father and son, there¡¯s a coldness between them, despite the fact they¡¯re standing close, holding a champagne bottle in front of a ship¡¯s stern. It sends a shiver down my spine. I know cold looks on men and the memories arepletely unwee. I look around quickly making sure there¡¯s nothing else that requires my obsessive attention to detail and slide back out gracefully, assured everything is ready. It¡¯s almost 9.00 a.m.; he will be arriving shortly, and my nerves are so taut I may actually snap with the tension if it isn¡¯t over soon. I¡¯m absent-mindedly twisting my pen in my fingers back at my desk, and it gives me a huge surge of anger¡ªat myself. Stilling the pen sharply andying it down with a smack and scowling at it as though it¡¯s the cause. Another habit from childhood that I¡¯m permanently trying to ovee, and just one of the subtle tells that I¡¯m not who I perceive to be. The only w in my perfect demeanor that I grasp so tightly onto. I fidget. And it¡¯s so at odds with the persona I¡¯ve managed to create for myself since my teen years, getting away from the life I once knew. A stark reminder of how far I¡¯vee from my childhood in Chicago, and a habit that annoys me on a serious level. Not only because it betrays the confidence I seem to emit, but also because it¡¯s juvenile. My fidgeting urs on many levels. For the most part, I¡¯ve mastered it, but with my raw nerves this morning; I¡¯m betraying myself. I still my hands and focus on typing the documents Margo has given me to adjust, reminding myself to take steadying breaths as I do so. To stay calm while waiting for my new boss to appear. It¡¯s agony. Margo sweeps out into the foyer in a graceful cloud of Chanel No. 9, passes me at my ss desk near the entrance to our offices, indicating his arrival. My heart stops. She smiles my way fondly and quickly as she passes and gives me an encouraging wink as though I am about to meet royalty. Maybe I am. Oh hell! Swallow. Deep breath. Rx. I can hear her running through his itinerary out in the hall as they approach. I know she¡¯s been emailing him back and forth, but this verbal being brought up to speed is something she told me he prefers, to recap. Something I need to remember as it will be my role soon enough. I stay seated and keep my eyes on my keyboard, willing my nerves to stay under wraps. I catch him speak to her and despite seeing interviews online, I¡¯m taken by surprise by the natural sound of his voice. It¡¯s deep and husky and has a boyishness to it that I never noticed in his interviews. The kind of voice you would recognize anywhere, even across a crowded room, and it draws you in. So crazily familiar andforting. He sounds at ease with her and there¡¯s something alluring in it. Like a warmth sliding over you,pletely throwing me. I pause my typing as heughs at something she says. It¡¯s unexpected and I flinch, shocked that it causes butterflies in my stomach. I don¡¯t react like this to men! Fumbling fingers on keys betray me, and I¡¯m d no one is paying me any attention. I need to get hold of myself. Get a grip, Emma! My cheeks instantly begin to warm, and I take my practiced steadying breath to curb my blush. There¡¯s gibberish on my screen and I quickly hit the back button to remove it, hiding the evidence of my stumble. Cursing the inability of my clumsy fingers, cursing that childish part of me that I¡¯m forever pushing down and trying to gag into silence. Stop it, Emma ¡­ Just stop. You are more capable than this. There¡¯s a group of them walking through the main area of our airy office toward Margo¡¯s desk, which is behind me in a separate room. Margo is nearest, concealing him fully from view, but I catch a glimpse. He¡¯s still standing taller than her, despite her four-inch heels. There¡¯s two men with him; one in all ck, suited and looking serious¡ªhe has some sort of wire in his ear, indicating he¡¯s most likely security. The other is dressed more casually, in a tan jacket and chinos and strolling along behind leisurely. I realize this is Arrick Carrero, his younger brother. He¡¯s not in the papers as much, but I recognize him. He hasn¡¯t really inherited the same masculine beauty or presence as his brother, and he seems rather publicity-shy, although he is onlyte teens. I note that he¡¯s also only about five-foot nine, yet still muscr and has tawny hair much like his father¡¯s. That same weird nose profile too that Jacob Carrero does not have. Jacob seems to have a perfect nose, to match his perfect¡ªwell, everything. I wonder how Arrick feels, being the less attractive Carrero son, living in his brother¡¯s shadow. Chapter 3 Chapter 3 Within a moment all of them are in his office, past Margo¡¯s inner door, and it¡¯s closed. I take a deep breath of relief and try again to type this document out, meeting with my usual sess. Quick and swift skill with a keyboard now that I have no visual distractions. It seems like an eternity has passed when my switchboard lights up, and the distant voice of Margot interrupts my concentration. I was unaware I¡¯d been semi holding my breath until that second and give myself another stern inner shake. ¡°Emma, pleasee into Mr. Carrero¡¯s office. Thank you.¡± The voice sounds distant and tinny on the remarkably high-tech machine. ¡°Yes, Mrs. Drake.¡± I flinch at my use of her full name, knowing she asked me to call her Margo. I mentally scold myself to not repeat the mistake. I don¡¯t make mistakes. Ever. I slide up, smoothing down my clothes and putting my jacket back on quickly. Buttoning it up nervously as I walk the small distance to her door which blocks entrance to his. It takes all my willpower to walk into the office, and all of my acting ability, dredged up from somewhere deep, to pull off the undaunted calm demeanor that I try to present at all times. My stomach-turning somersaults, and my throat drying up. I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m having so much trouble with it today. ¡°Ah, Emma, here you are.¡± Margo meets me as I pull open the heavy wooden door and slide in. Suddenly conscious of how short I am, even in my spike heels, next to her swan like body. She stands tall for a woman and I stand at around five feet four. ¡°Jake, this is Emma Anderson. She¡¯s your new assistant in training. Your new number two.¡± She smiles fondly at me and gestures me toe to her. I move beside her and get the gentle familiar pat on my shoulder as she tries to put me at ease. I blink a few times, pausing at the use of the name Jake. Am I missing something here? It dawns on me he prefers the name Jake. Brain clicking with memories from my research. He corrected many interviewers and I remember he likes the informality and encourages using his first name; shortened first name. All my thoughts slip away to nothing and I¡¯m held captive to the floor, unable to speak as the object of my nerves gets out of his seat. This is what I¡¯ve been afraid of! My reaction when faced with someone I find attractive, and it¡¯spletely new to me. I don¡¯t even notice the others in the room as he effortlessly glides up and toward me. He has the walk of someone who¡¯s never doubted his own confidence or abilities. Someone who knew from early in life that he was devastatingly attractive and has the best kind of reaction from all women. It¡¯s mesmerizing in a way, but also disconcerting. He towers above me as he approaches, putting him over the six-foot mark easily. Wearing all ck; shirt and suit, minus a tie and top buttons open. The overall effect makes me breathless. He¡¯s beyond underwear model hot, he¡¯s like some female fantasye to life. Jeeze. ¡°Miss. Anderson.¡± He extends an arm, and all I can do is reach out and shake the neatly manicured, yet oddly masculine, hand. I¡¯m painfully aware of the way my heart quickens, and my breath is slightly labored at the tingling sensation of his skin on mine. I immediately feel betrayed by my own body. I push it down, abhorred that I should react this way. It¡¯s alien to me and has me shifting on my own axis. I don¡¯t like being forced out of myfort zone and into new experiences. ¡°Mr Car¡ª¡± my voice is feeble. I¡¯m so pathetic and obvious. ¡°Jake! Please,¡± he cuts in; those green eyes taking me in, leaving me no clue to anything going on behind them. ¡°Margo informs me she¡¯s happy with you so far and will be training you a little more extensively in time, to step in fully when she retires. I guess that means we should get better acquainted on a first name basis.¡± He throws me a charming, soft smile, and I¡¯m not immune to the effect. It¡¯s a gesture that hints that he knows exactly what he¡¯s doing with it though. So, this is how you win over women is it, Carrero? Melting them with seductive smiles. Ughhh. My insides lurch unexpectedly. His hand is smooth and inhumanely warm in mine, and I¡¯m starting to feel mmy. Anxious Emma peeking her head out, only to be pushed back down with a firm shove. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. Be still, Emma ¡­ Stay cool. Stop drooling. ¡°I¡¯m really grateful for the opportunity.¡± I sound normal enough, only a slight waver in my voice this time and I¡¯m relieved. If anything, my years of poise are saving me from myself right now. Pulling off the pretense. He subtly looks me over. There¡¯s nothing in it, which surprises me. Just an interested appraisal as he tries to measure me up. I guess he¡¯s used to women going all weak-kneed and pie-eyed at his presence and it interests him that I don¡¯t appear to be. I¡¯m d he can¡¯t see my internal reactions, as they are behaving disgustingly right about now. I¡¯m unnerved that this close he¡¯s just as handsome, if not more than his inte pictures, and his ruggedness is intimidating. The sheer power of his shoulders and toned body, straining behind the expensive clothing. I know from photographs he prefers more casual attire than suits and ties most of the time. He¡¯s sexually intimidating and so far out of my league in every way and now, in the flesh, it¡¯s so much more obvious. I swallow hard. ¡°Can I get you a drink, Emma? You look flushed.¡± His voice pours over me like honey, and my mouth dries up fully. I¡¯m blushing, heat emanating from my roots and scowl at my inner-adolescent self. He removes his hand and walks away from me to his desk with a confident swagger. I¡¯m uneasy and try to regain my equilibrium, swallowing several times to get the moisture back into my parched mouth and keep my eyes off his ass. A drink would be good right now, if only to release my throat. ¡°Thank you.¡± I catch Margot watching me with a strange look in her eye, and I realize it¡¯s a touch of uncertainty. Mr. Carrero moves off to a bar at the rear of the room, to the side of his desk, with his back to us to fix me a drink. Shit! She¡¯s thinking I¡¯m just another receptionist with the hots for Mr. Carrero. Another woman to fall at the hurdle of meeting him. I try to pull myself together, smooth invisible wrinkles in my clothes and straighten my body up, trying to get back my professional air and grace. I hate that I¡¯ve shown signs of being rattled. I don¡¯t normally break under so little pressure, and I¡¯m not impressed with myself. I catch her expression warm up, and I rx. Perhaps I¡¯m overthinking this. I¡¯m mindful that Mr. ck Suit is standing in a corner by the window, ring at us; it¡¯s a little intimidating, but also reassuring. Just out of sight to my far left on the long cream Italian leather couch, the younger man is sitting below some huge prints of modern artistry depicting what might be naked women. I blink and look again. Yes, naked women. Ughhh. Really? Could you be anymore yboy, Carrero? Arrick is disinterested in what¡¯s going on. He¡¯s ying with his cell, and I think I recognize the Angry Birds music that Sarah loves to irritate me with. An annoying, immature game, although Arrick looks late teens to early twenties so he can be forgiven for a juvenile game, I suppose. ¡°Here you go,¡± Jake¡¯s voice cuts into my thoughts, bringing my attention back to him as he hands me a tall ss of something bubbly with ice. I take a sip and give him a grateful smile, expecting vored water. It¡¯s a cold, clear liquid that tastes sweetly tropical with a hint of unexpected alcohol. I guess it¡¯s not iced water. It¡¯s a cocktail and I try not to show my surprise, but a tiny frown hits my brow before I can correct it. Inwardly startled. Surprising. He did this himself. Booze at work though? ¡°Thank you, Mr. ¡­ Jake.¡± I correct, and he gives me a soft smile again. I ignore the butterflies in my stomach rising from it, with a minor annoyance. Stop behaving like a fourteen-year-old! ¡°So, Emma, Margo tells me you¡¯ve worked here for just over five years?¡± he sits back to perch on his desk, body rxed, and eyes fixed on me. Margo standing close by, listening. He is distractingly good- looking, more so when hezes all casual and charming, and very un-boss like. ¡°Yes. I¡¯ve worked on various floors, but mainly tenth.¡± I move to ce my ss on the table, so my fingers don¡¯t toy with the rim showing my nervous habits. I¡¯m disappointed to be putting it down, it tasted amazing, but I¡¯m not a fan of alcohol at work, or anytime for that matter. He has skills with making drinks though. Chapter 4 Chapter 4 ¡°You were Jack Dawson¡¯s assistant for a while?¡± his eyebrows dip as he questions, unusually cute while studying me non-intrusively. Get a grip, Emma! ¡°Yes, Mr. Dawson.¡± I smile, although I know it must look as forced as it feels. Dawson is an unbearable letch who grabbed my ass at every opportunity and pressed himself against me whenever I tried to pass him. In histe sixties, small, and overweight. I was surprised he still had those kinds of urges at his age. He¡¯s the type of man I¡¯m used to dealing with, with his wandering hands and sleazy smiles. The kind of man I can handle after years of practice. ¡°It was Miss. Keith who rmended you for this position, I believe?¡± I hone in on his beautiful teeth, white and perfectly lined up, just as a billionaire¡¯s mouth should be. I wonder how much he spends on dental work every year, to be Carrero model material. Easily distracted by his appearance. ¡°Yes. I loved working for her while her own assistant was on leave, she was easy to attend to, and I learned a lot.¡± A surge of satisfaction at how cool and calm I sound once again rushes through my body. My nerves are settling and his effects on me winding down with effort. I guess the shock of meeting him is abating finally. I was wrong about his eyes, in person they¡¯re the most gorgeous pure green I¡¯ve seen; in fact, the photographs don¡¯t do them justice at all. ¡°She spoke highly of your efficiency and professionalism. It¡¯s rare for Kay to make an internal rmendation for a position like this.¡± He smiles briefly, and the butterflies swoop back in. I blush, the heat rising up my face, and it annoys me as I try to maintain my professional maturity, but I¡¯d loved Kay Keith as a boss. I was deste when her assistant came back to work, and I was demoted back to Dawson¡¯s office. The return to the letch and his slimy hands. ¡°Thank you.¡± I smile genuinely, inner pride glowing. It¡¯s not an easy thing to move from a lowly admin assistant through apany like this in just five years, especially with my meager qualifications. I have sacrificed so much in my life to get here. ¡°Well, so far, I¡¯ve found her to be a joy. Efficient and capable, with a good understanding of the business. Don¡¯t think it will take long to get her up to speed with her requirements.¡± Margo¡¯s beaming at me with an odd twinkle in her eye. I like her. She¡¯s still standing close, observing us and is oblivious to the other two men behind her. I know she¡¯s watching to see if we¡¯re a fit and is standing back to let us get to know each other. Her presence calming me. ¡°d to hear it¡ªso, Emma; how has it been so far? Learning the ropes of life on the sixty-fifth floor?¡± There¡¯s a slight humor in his expression, a hint of that Carrero charm he¡¯s famed for. It¡¯s hard not to fall for it if I¡¯m being honest, but I know it stems from years of schmoozing with the rich and famous, and probably fake. He¡¯s a pro. ¡°A breeze,¡± I answer coolly, avoiding that prative gaze he has going on now. ¡°Nothing I can¡¯t handle so far.¡± I allow a half-smile of confidence. ¡°Has Margo warned you about the frequent traveling you will have to undertake, or the unsociable hours we sometimes keep? This job can be full on, Miss. Anderson. It¡¯s not for the faint hearted.¡± He¡¯s frowning now, still watching me so closely, and it¡¯s a little unnerving. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m aware that this is not a nine-to-five job, Mr. Carrero. I¡¯m 100%mitted to my career, so it will not be an issue.¡± I reply without emotion, lifting my chin a little to show my determination. ¡°You¡¯re young ¡­ What about a social life?¡± Still frowning at me. Still trying to scrape away at my surface and figure me out. I would never give a man like him that chance. ¡°I haven¡¯t much interest in many social activities ¡­ I left my hometown toe to New York, and I don¡¯t know many people outside of work.¡± My voice sounds unsteady, but I doubt he has noticed. He nces at me contemtively. ¡°Career oriented? Can be lonely.¡± He tilts his head to the side and lightly hunches his shoulders in a move that¡¯s devastating to my hormones and makes my body tingle and my temperature soar without warning. I gaze down to the floor for a second and take a breath tobat these alien feelings. Stop eye raping him, Emma. Have a little more professionalism. ¡°I¡¯m never lonely, Mr. Carrero ¡­ I¡¯m an independent person who doesn¡¯t need assurances, or company, from other people to be happy.¡± I realize I¡¯ve let my mouth shift into gear ahead of my brain and revealed more than I intended to. Another ¡°old Emma¡± habit that grinds on me, despite years of trying to ovee it. It¡¯s true though, I¡¯ve been self-reliant from an early age. I keep people at arm¡¯s length, even Sarah, because it suits me to do so. Rtionships bringplications, disappointment, and pain. He narrows his eyes and studies me again, more probing as this excruciating ¡°chat¡± continues. Trying to peel myyers. ¡°Oh, Emma, that¡¯s not the way a young girl like you should live her life.¡± Margo cuts in, rmed. ¡°You¡¯re so pretty ¡­ You should have young men romancing you around New York.¡± She reaches out, touching my shoulder with a motherly squeeze, before returning to her previous position. I smile emptily and ignore the urge to grimace at her words. If only she knew how that thought repulsed me. One thing I learned from my life was that romance does not exist in the minds of most men. Only sexual gratification whether or not you consent to it. ¡°Sounds like you¡¯re trying to talk her out of stealing your job, Margo.¡± Jakeughs, lifting his boyish expression to the older woman; aplete change to his first smile. This one seems more natural and even more devastating. I catch the affection flicker between them, and it surprises me. She shakes her head at him. ¡°No. Emma knows I value her here. I think she¡¯s a perfect fit ¡­¡± She turns her cloudy gray eyes to me with a genuine warmth that thaws me a little. ¡°Not too sure how much you¡¯ll like it once Jake starts running you ragged, mind you.¡± She winks and ces a hand on his arm, showing the special bond they seem to share, and I wonder at it. They have a casual andfortable ambience between them, almost like a mother and son. Very odd. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can handle the demands,¡± I cut in confidently. ¡°Despite Jake¡¯s public yboy reputation, Emma, I¡¯m afraid he¡¯s a workaholic ¡­ Surprising, I know, but you¡¯ll get used to it; you¡¯ll rake up plenty of air miles in the next few months.¡± Margo smiles again wistfully, this time patting Jake on the shoulder. There¡¯s a silentmunication between them; secret smiles and nces, and I wonder how I will ever take her ce. ¡°You¡¯ll soon get fed up with seeing the world.¡± He gives me aical frown, those alluring eyes back on my face and I hate the way it makes me feel naked. ¡°And the inside of hotel rooms.¡± He adds with a cheeky smirk that heats my stomach with a sh. My insides flip over. I try to ignore the remark. Hoping to take him at face value and hope this internal wave fizzles away as quickly as it appeared. I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll never see the inside of his hotel room. In fact, I can promise I won¡¯t, despite his reputation. ¡°I¡¯ve seen enough of those tost a lifetime.¡± Margo waves her hand, throwing him a nce I cannot trante. Oblivious to my reaction. ¡°Right, we have work to be getting on with ¡­ Emma, you¡¯re with me for now.¡± She gestures to the door behind me, and I nod. Mr. Carrero stands from the perched position of his desk edge and smiles, lifting his hand out again while never breaking eye contact. Holding it to me. ¡°To our working rtionship, Emma.¡± I ept it, ignoring the same tingling sensation his touch creates, skin ignited and smile tightly to disguise all the sensations. Sighing with relief that this meeting is over; I nod before I turn and follow Margo out of his office. Exhaling quietly and pushing all my taught nerves and anxious tension out with a blow. Well, I survived meeting Jacob Carrero for the first time. My underwear didn¡¯t selfbust, and I remained intact. Strike one to me. Chapter 5 Chapter 5 It¡¯s after twelve. My head is a little woozy and stuffy as it¡¯s ridiculously hot in the office now, stiflingly so and it¡¯s making me feel nauseous. I¡¯ve called maintenance twice to find out why they still haven¡¯t fixed the AC yet, it¡¯s blowing out tropical heat, rather than cold air and baking us all. My face is ming, and my pulse is beating so fast and hard, like I¡¯ve been sprinting. My clothes are almost clinging to me with dampness, and I¡¯m irritated because of the inability to breathe or find relief. It¡¯s oppressive. Margo has left the floor for lunch and I¡¯m to follow on her return. She was wavering in the heat as much as me, but I told her I was okay to stay. Wanting to prove my abilities. Ever the hero, Emma! Good move. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. This is a huge sign of trust, and I think she¡¯s testing my capabilities, leaving me to man the fort and cope alone during a very busy schedule. It¡¯s been three days since Jake returned and I feel like Margo is relying on me a little more. Living up to her expectations and taking it in my stride. I can¡¯t stand the heat on my cheeks and my blouse is clinging in ces it never has before. Sticking like a second skin. I¡¯m obsessively clock watching for her to return, to relieve me for an hour, from this damned infernal sauna before I pass out. My switchboard lights up, my insides tightening as his voice comes across the buzzer, ¡°Emma, can youe in here please?¡± deep, low, and sexy. I get the now familiar tingle in my stomach at the sound of his voice which I still have no control over. I falter but reply with a, ¡°Yes, Mr. Carrero.¡± This is not what I need when I¡¯m melting into a puddle on my seat and already out of sorts. Crap. Crap. Crap. I¡¯m on my feet trying to peel my blouse from between my shoulder des and smoothing it down without sess. I pick up my notebook and pen, and glide past Margo¡¯s open office door at speed and into his, pushing the heavy dark wood open and sliding in. I want this over quickly. ¡°Yes, Mr. Carrero?¡± He looks casually seductive today, sitting behind his desk amid an openptop and piles of folders. His pale blue shirt has its top two buttons undone at the neck, His dark hair ruffled out of its normally spiked style, as though he¡¯s been running his hands through it, and his sleeves rolled up, revealing one of the tattoos on his inner left arm. A reminder of his rebel teen years. I know from images I¡¯ve seen online that he has a few across his body. All tribal ck tattoos and symbols; the effect is devastating even on me and I try not to react, annoyed that he still does this to me. ¡°Are maintenance any further forward with fixing the AC? ¡­ It¡¯s way too hot up here!¡± He leans back, putting his hands behind his head in a very ¡°guy¡± manner. Stretching out and showcasing that beautiful physique, his biceps increase in size while straining at the fabric of his shirt. It¡¯s hard not to get a little heightening of the pulse rate. Eyes down! ¡°I¡¯ve called down twice, sir ¡­ they¡¯re apparently on it.¡± I keep my eyes averted, my tone level and sound as normal as possible. ¡°Emma, you look like you¡¯re about to pass out, I think you need to head to another floor and cool down.¡± His eyes run over me; I¡¯m already conscious that I must look disheveled. I feel it. But the passing out has more to do with the way he¡¯s sitting now, and my body bes overly aware of how much sexier he is in just a shirt. Removes the formality somehow. Really, Emma? He¡¯s your boss! ¡°I can¡¯t leave until Margo ¡­ Mrs. Drake, returns, sir.¡± I blink at him and resist the urge to let my eyes wander over his figure. ¡°When is she due back?¡± he frowns at me, oblivious to the riot of hormones raging through my body. Or just unbothered by them. ¡°Soon, maybe fifteen minutes or so. She¡¯s on her lunch early, I¡¯ve to go on her return.¡± I sound polite and factual. Trying not to squirm in my damp shoes and hoping I do not look as awful as I feel. ¡°Soon as she¡¯s back, I want you to go cool down, it feels like it¡¯s melting up here ¡­ In the meantime, I need to dictate a letter. Maybe you¡¯ll feel cooler in here, I have the air vents open.¡± He gestures at the wall of windows and I note the blinds moving a little as the small amount of air gets in. He¡¯s right, it is cooler in here¡ªmarginally. Well, it would if he wasn¡¯t sitting looking like that. Emma, again? Really? ¡°Ready when you are.¡± I hold up my notebook to move things forward and kill my train of thought. He turns his chair so he¡¯s facing the couch to the left of me and gazes at it, deep in thought. ¡°It¡¯s for the CEO of Bridge-stone ¡­ A man called Eric Compton. You¡¯ll find his details on the system.¡± He is in business mode, tone serious and face focused already. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I scribble down in shorthand. ¡°Emma?¡± his questioning tone clicks my attention back to him. ¡°Yes?¡± I look up, at the tone of his voice, sure I¡¯ve done something he doesn¡¯t like. Momentarily phased. ¡°You can sit down you know?¡± he¡¯s smiling at me, amused, and nods at a chair at the side of his desk, pretty much in his line of vision. It¡¯s why he turned his chair. I blush ande around to sit in front of him abruptly. I hate that sinceing to work for him my inability to control my blushing has returned but he has a knack for making me feel childish. ¡°I don¡¯t bite ¡­ much!¡± He smiles with his ¡°I know I¡¯m irresistible¡± look. My eyes snap to him rmed, and see the humor veiled thinly. I give a short-embarrassed smile, to cover my reaction, my heart upping a gear and inwardly chastise my stupidity. He¡¯s a joker. Right. Got it. Don¡¯t take things so literally! ¡°I know you don¡¯t. ¡± I smile coolly. Outwardly un-phased, despite irregr heart pounding and crazy goosebumps hitting my skin. Annoyed at myself. ¡°You don¡¯t need to be so ¡­ stiff, around me, Emma.¡± He rxes back in his chair, dropping his hands on the arms, casually so. ¡°Stiff?¡± I stare at his eyes, avoiding following the motion of his hands. A mild irritation fluttering within that sessfully dampens anything else; I¡¯m not good with male criticism. Especially about my demeanor. ¡°You can thaw a little. I know you¡¯re efficient. You won¡¯t get sacked for rxing.¡± He looks amused, but annoyance churns down low inside of me. I came to do a job and I have pride in my professionalism, it¡¯s the one area I know I excel at. We can¡¯t all beid back, Mr. Born Into Money. We don¡¯t all have the ability to sway people with a smile, have charmed lives with happy childhoods and irresistible faces. ¡°This is me rxed,¡± I respond tightly, training my expression to not betray my mood. As rxed as you¡¯ll ever see me, Mr. Carrero, seeing as I¡¯m paid to do a job not pander to your ego. I pout inwardly, avoiding a direct look. He raises an eyebrow at me and breaks into an unguarded smile, confidently handsome and yet this time it irks me. ¡°If you say so.¡± That irritating smug look he has that¡¯s the other side to Carrero. It¡¯s that face that makes women drop their panties in a blink, but he also has this annoying male ¡°know it all¡± cheekiness. Arrogance. Like he¡¯s always on the verge of a good joke, and it has to be one of his most infuriating qualities. ¡°So, to the CEO of Bridge-stone ¡­?¡± I raise my eyebrows, tapping my pen on my notebook, indicating we should move on, with a tight tone. I disapprove of his overfamiliarity. As much as I¡¯ve seen him this way with Margo, I¡¯m adamant that this working rtionship will stay on a professional level. I have too much to lose. I¡¯ve worked too hard to get here. He frowns at me, holding my gaze for a moment, unphased, but I ignore him, looking down at my paper expectantly; relieved when he sits back and dictates what he wants me to note down. Chapter 6 Chapter 6 ¡°Is that all Mr. Carrero?¡± I finish my notes and push the pen in the top of the notebook with a sigh. mmier now than ever. ¡°I¡¯d like a copy of the letter sent to my father¡¯s email and I would like it if you would call me Jake! ¡­ Like I asked!¡± He lifts his feet to his desk, swiveling his chair back to face it and regards me with a rxed, smug look. ¡°If that¡¯s what you prefer?¡± I¡¯m not used to employers showing so little concern for titles, or who behave so casually. I¡¯m more than a little disappointed in thexness I¡¯ve seen from both Margo and Jake so far. In the way they behave with each other and it has me a little at unease. Here he is, sitting with his feet on his thousand-dor desk, like a lounging teenager and it kills the image I once had of him. ¡°I¡¯m not Mr. Carrero ¡­ That¡¯s my father.¡± His eyes flicker to the photo on his desk and I catch a dark shadow in them. He slides his feet back down, as though not so rxed with that one tiny word - father. It¡¯s gone before I can decide if I saw it or not and I shiver inwardly. Men and their dark looks don¡¯t bode well with me; it¡¯s one of the few things which unnerve me deeply enough to bring me out in a cold sweat. ¡°Okay, Jake!¡± It¡¯s almost painful to use his name, even if he insists. And it¡¯s forced. He seems to return to smiling, looking pleased as I stand, indicating my departure. ¡°Do you like working here, Emma?¡± he catches me off guard, leans forward onto his desk resting his arms in front of him, halting my escape for a moment. I pause, stunned by his question. ¡°So far,¡± I answer without thought, wondering why he even cares. ¡°Five years is a long time to work for thispany,¡± his voice is soothing to listen to, despite my reservations about him and I note how his tone alters when he¡¯s not talking business. He has this way of capturing you with just a subtle change, drawing you in. His rxed natural voice is almost sensual, but overallforting, genuine; he seems to have the art of rxing people down to a finely-honed skill. The art of making women want to chat to him effortlessly. Very good, very clever. Win over women with feigned interest. Smooth yer. ¡°I guess I¡¯m someone who likes to stick to something and work at it. See where it takes me.¡± I tap my notebook against my hip in distraction, trying not to react to that voice. ¡°You don¡¯t care that you¡¯re spending your twenties missing out on life?¡± He¡¯s appraising me again, something he does a lot whenever I¡¯m faced with him and I still haven¡¯t gotten used to it. Eyes eating me up as though I¡¯m a puzzle to be worked out. I guess I interest him on some level. ¡°Perspective, Mr. Carrero ¡­ This job offers me opportunities most twenty-six-year-old women never get the chance to experience.¡± I shrug. Trying to will those sharp eyes to look elsewhere and to stop tearing into me. ¡°You never aspired to be anything different?¡± he watches me thoughtfully, if not a little intensely. ¡°Such as?¡± I shift on my shoes, that internal rising awkwardness at his attention getting a little extreme. Uneasiness growing. ¡°Managerial role?¡± he grins. He¡¯s amused with his remark, but I fail to see the joke, so I smile frostily. ¡°I don¡¯t have the qualifications to be in a managerial position, Mr. Carrero ¡­ I worked hard to climb from admin assistant to here ¡­ This is where I want to be.¡± I retort, easily irked by him again. ¡°I guess that¡¯s lucky for me then.¡± He throws me his ¡°I can charm anyone¡± smile and I internally bristle. I want to get out of here. He obviously knows he¡¯s hot and he uses it to his advantage a little too well. I¡¯ve seen how he turns it up on women, seems to like the reaction and turns more ¡°Dude¡± with men. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°Perhaps.¡± ¡°Time will tell, Miss. Anderson ¡­ You can go now, see if Margo is back to relieve you. That letter is not urgent so take lunch first.¡± He smiles me away, obviously bored with myck of female swooning, with what I assume is his ¡°charming¡± look and I turn to leave. Exhaling with relief. ¡°Very good, Mr ¡­ Jake.¡± I throw him a tight smile and catch the flicker of amusement in his eye; aware now that he knows how much I dislike the informality. Very good, Carrero ¡­ Here for your fucking amusement. I walk toward the heavy door, mood ruined by his smug face and bubbling a tad hotly inside my stomach. ¡°Wait. Can you book a table for two tonight, at Manhattan Penthouse at nine, in my name?¡± he adds quickly, and I turn back to nod that I have heard him. nk faced and no reaction. Wonder which ymate is being wined and dined tonight? I¡¯ve got used to the special date entries on his schedule and the list of current ymates gracing his bed. I¡¯m sure he, long ago, ran out of headboard space to keep a tally of notches for his conquests and it¡¯s just another reason I will never warm to him. He¡¯s a slut. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I pull the door closed behind me and scowl through the closed dense wood. The urge to stick my fingers up with venom surprises me. I guess I¡¯ll have to get used to the reactions he pulls out of me. Work harder to remain impassive. Seems he has an ability to piss me off without effort or without real reason and I don¡¯t even want to analyze it. Twenty minutester, Margo returns, and I am free just as the AC finally breathes a fresh coolness over us from the ceiling, like a wave of relief. I¡¯m sticky, hot, and flushed, and I need a change of clothes. I head to the bathroom for a quick freshen up and gaze at the badly lit mirror on the wall, to see I¡¯m glowing red. My cheeks are flushed, there¡¯s high color across the nape of my neck, and I have a dewy complexion where my make-up has sweated. My hair is no longer slick and smooth in its bun but is weaving its way loose, despite the products I use to keep it sleek. I have natural waves which I straighten to get my hair this smooth and manicured. I¡¯m in disarray. Dammit. I can¡¯t continue with my day looking like this. I look like I¡¯ve done a workout in my work clothes, and I¡¯m melting away. Looking like a panda with the way my eyeliner has collected under my lowershes and my normally precision lipstick is smudged and damp. I blot my face and release my hair in an effort to minimize the damage. The humidity and heat have caused it to pull back into waves and it¡¯s covered in bumps and creases made by the hair ties. Without my straighteners it will never look right unless I wash it. Thepany has showers on the fourth floor within thepany gym, maybe I should sacrifice lunch and get a quick shower to cool off. Sweating like I¡¯ve been in the tropics. I check my watch and work out how much time I have and decide to go for it. I have a forty-five-minute lunch break and I can shower in less than half that time. Luckily, I keep a change of clothes in the office, a suggestion from Margo, in case I¡¯m ever asked on an overnight trip at short notice. I know I have toiletries in the bag too. I go back and retrieve the bag, with my hair held in a loose ponytail, d that Margo is focused on her laptop while taking a call and doesn¡¯t see me. Mona, the outer receptionist, throws me a funny look but says nothing. I head down in the elevator with my bag and enter the floor that has the employee fitness facilities and shower block. I work for apany that¡¯s invested in hotel, fitness, and spas, and these facilities are standard in Carrero buildings free for all employees. Another perk of this job, among the many. When I emerge I look brighter and neater. Make-up residue gone, fresh clothes, and hair falling into long, natural waves in its blow-dried state. Unfortunately, there was nothing to straighten my hair within the women¡¯s locker room, but I¡¯m cooler. Make-up back in ce, clothes a little less stifling, and a little fresher from being steamed and deodorized. Having my hair down bothers me, it¡¯s part of my uniform, part of my defense; being up and neat helps me feel more in control. Part of the image I present. Having it down like this makes me nervous. I know how often I tug at my hair and twist it when I¡¯m home on weekends; another nervous old Emma habit that I¡¯ve found no control over. Anxiety rted and childish. There¡¯s nothing for it; tying it up without my products and straighteners will look messy. I¡¯ve got to cope with it for half a day. Even I can get through that. I assure myself as I head to the cafeteria for lunch, ignoring people looking at me as if they don¡¯t recognize me and it makes me uneasy. * * * Back at my desk after lunch, the switchboard is shing like mad and I Margo and Jake¡¯s lines are busy. Nina has a few calls on hold, so I buzz her to tell her to put one through to me too. I sit down to deal with the first call and catch sight of Margo waving through to me, smiling widely. She points at her head, then mine, indicating my hair and gives me a thumbs up, which makes me grimace. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve worn it any other way than up during my five years working here. I feel like I¡¯m not dressed properly, and it bothers me far more than it should. I focus on the call. Half an hourter, I¡¯m lost in thought, absorbed in a financial spreadsheet Jake needs by this evening. I¡¯ve already plowed through a mountain of work today, making light work of it and not conscious of eyes on me until I hear the movement of feet shifting on wooden floor. Looking up absent-mindedly, more from reaction than any actual realization, I see Jake Carrero is standing staring at me. Six feet from my desk! I jump with fright and my face flushes with heat and fright. Crap. Chapter 7 Chapter 7 ¡°Sorry Mr. Ca ¡­ Jake ¡­ I didn¡¯t see you there ¡­ Is there something I can do for you?¡± my voice is all over the ce in my floundering panic. Heart thundering through my chest at a rate of knots as I dissolve into bumbling ipetence. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. How did I not realize that my boss is hovering by my desk? I¡¯m supposed to be constantly aware and attentive to his every demand; this is such a faux pas on my part. I¡¯m on my feet trying to ster on my most friendly and efficient smile. I¡¯m breathless. It¡¯s the fright he gave me; I¡¯m flustered and trying to recover quickly. Body trembling with the shock I gave myself noticing his presence. ¡°Emma ¡­¡± He too seems at a loss for words, looking at me peculiarly. An uneasiness to his expression. ¡°I wasing to give you these ¡­ You look different!¡± His face is unreadable. I can¡¯t even say what it is ¡­ I remember my hair¡¯s down and flush because I¡¯m not prepared; overwhelmingly vulnerable and I falter. ¡°It won¡¯t happen again. I took a shower at lunch, because of the heat from earlier.¡± I need to reel myself in and w back cool and controlled Emma. I¡¯m babbling. I try a steadying breath to stop myself looking like aplete idiot. ¡°You look ¡­¡± his green eyes are piercing through me and it¡¯s sheer agony. All my little insecurities peeking up in one fell swoop. ¡°Untidy? It¡¯s not how I would normallye to work.¡± I¡¯m rambling, and I¡¯m fidgeting like crazy, unable to just regain control. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is not me! Don¡¯t fall to pieces, Emma, not now ¡­ Please. Get a grip and pull yourself together. I know it¡¯s because he startled me; because I feel undressed, and I¡¯m at a loss because I am out of my comfort zone, and he¡¯s acting ¡­ strange. My breathing isbored and I¡¯m trying to steady it without making it too obvious and doing a terrible job. ¡°I was going to say ¡­¡± he clears his throat trailing off verbally and looks down at the papers, changing his direction of conversation probably because I¡¯m making him uneasy. Great job! ¡°So, here, I need these copied, emailed, filed ¡­ I¡¯m sure you know the drill.¡± He nces up and away again, as though he isn¡¯tfortable making eye contact right now. I do, yes. I do, of course I do. I don¡¯t need direction. I need a focus. I reach out taking them from him in haste, stopping myself from grabbing like a mad woman. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± ¡°Emma ¡­ You look nice,¡± he injects softly, ncing at me only to make the remark and then back at his cell, which is now in his hand. I ignore the strange look of apprehension on his face and the tingles inside me ignite with ferocity. Shifting nervously, I try to steady my hands on the folder. This escted quickly and I¡¯m so angry with myself. I¡¯ve literally just lost my cool and capable persona in milliseconds all because of my stupid hair. I ster on my cool expression and smile tightly to reel it all under wraps. ¡°Thank you, Mr. Carrero.¡± It¡¯s out of my mouth before I realize I didn¡¯t call him Jake and it¡¯s yet another reason to silently groan. Try and regainposure. Years of control, Emma, and you go to mush in seconds. I¡¯m beyond livid with myself. Margo appears a momentter carrying a briefcase and a jacket. I¡¯m grateful for her sudden appearance and instant calming abilities. I nce at the wall clock noting it¡¯s not even 2.00 p.m. and click on why they seem to be going out. I forgot they had a meeting across town at the second Carrero building and are leaving me to man the office. Carrero Tower HQ with Senior; something to do with quarterly finances. King Carrero in his ivory tower. He prefers to lord his empire in a separate building from Jake, several blocks away. I wonder if the coolness between them is why. ¡°Emma, divert any important calls and email me if you need anything. I¡¯ve left you a pile of folders here.¡± She taps a small mountain she has ced on the desk, oblivious to my making aplete fool of myself. ¡°Work through and leave by four thirty.¡± She smiles, her handing and hooking a stray tendril of my hair and catches me by surprise. ¡°I like this, it¡¯s softer. You look so much prettier, more carefree and younger.¡± She smiles again, eyes alive with genuine affection. I try to smile and force back the grimace that rises within, ufortable with the attention this slight change is getting me and fully aware it will never happen again. Not entirelyfortable with the way Jake is still looking at me as she fiddles with my hair and I smooth it out of her grasp gently. Nodding with a vague expression to avoidment. I sigh with relief when they utter goodbyes, turn, and leave. Thank god, it¡¯s over. For god¡¯s sake. I haul over the folders to the front of my desk and throw my hair back over my shoulder angrily. I¡¯m angry at myself, I¡¯m angry that Jake made me lose my cool without even meaning to. I¡¯m angry that for a split-second old Emma resurfaced, teenage Emma. Stupid, idiot, nervous, fidgeting Emma, raised her dumb head. I just made aplete idiot of myself. I¡¯ve spent years pushing her into the background and trying to rece her with the more capable and confident me. I don¡¯t need her presence or her anxiety and insecurities near me. She¡¯s a broken little girl who held me back, and thest thing I need is to see her again. It¡¯s raining by the time I get home and I¡¯m soaked walking from the station through the few blocks to my apartment. Sarah¡¯s out when I get into our third-floor apartment and I take in the coziness of the small rental instantly rxed. I¡¯m d to be home, surrounded by our familiarforts and bright rooms, our feminine haven. I¡¯m tired, it¡¯s been a long day and I want to take a bath and go to bed. I screw up Sarah¡¯s note, informing me she has made Mac ¡°n¡± Cheese, from the counter. It¡¯s in the refrigerator for me and I throw the paper in the garbage. The perks of living with a chef. She workste most nights and I can¡¯t remember thest time we spent more than five minutes in each other¡¯spany. Our livesprise asional brief conversations in passing, and notes on the refrigerator which suit me more than when I had to keep herpany every evening. Sarah has been my best friend since forever; we came to New York together five years ago and were lucky to get this ce. She¡¯d been epted to an elite cooking school and I had a temporary admin role in the Carrero corporation, as a receptionist even though I had zero experience and hardly any qualifications. I had been nothing more than a tea and coffee maker back then, eager to do anything to keep me here in this crazy city. My fresh start. My escape from who I didn¡¯t want to be anymore and reminders of it. Sarah was thrilled that I wanted toe with her; un-phased at leaving Chicago to go into the world on our own, but our rtionship has changed since then. We¡¯ve drifted apart in so many ways. I guess we don¡¯t need each other like we used to, and the apartment is the only thing holding us together. I kick off my shoes and head to my bedroom to get changed; haul on workout leggings and a sports bralette and towel dry my hair back to dampness before my short after work exercise regime. I find it helps me unwind from the day¡¯s stress and gets me in the mode for sleep. There¡¯s a shing light on the answering machine and press it, a surge of anxiety in my stomach as I hazard a guess at who it will be. It¡¯s Marcus. Sarah¡¯s on-off boyfriend¡ªit¡¯s who I expected it to be. They have been off againtely, much to my delight, but this call means he¡¯s back on the scrounge to hooking up again. I delete the message. She will never know he called. Marcus is as sleazy as theye, but Sarah can¡¯t see it; he¡¯s slimy, over- friendly and makes lewdments and sexual innuendos when he¡¯s around. I think she can do better as he makes my skin crawl, but she tries to tell me that my experiences with men are the reason I can¡¯t warm to them. I know deep down it¡¯s partly the reason I¡¯m this way, but he¡¯s still a creep. I try not to linger on it and switch on my iPad for some workout music. Chapter 8 Chapter 8 I¡¯m tired after my workout, meal, and hot bath yet I know I won¡¯t be able to sleep. I¡¯ve never been a good sleeper, not since childhood, as far as I can remember anyway. I have vivid dreams that make no sense, full of darkness and anxiety that leave me ravaged upon awakening. Working out before bed helps but doesn¡¯t eradicate them and I¡¯ve learned to live on the erratic, fretful sleep I do get. I still wish I could sleep like a normal person but I know that I may never lose the night terrors; my mind just can¡¯t let go of the past no matter how hard I try to move on. My cell vibrates, I jump with a small surprise noting it¡¯s a text from Margo. I¡¯ve been waiting for my job to infringe on me outside of regr working hours; I know they¡¯ve been going easy on me so early into the promotion. I wonder if this is the start of full on PA mode. Emma. I need you in an hour early tomorrow, you¡¯ll be paid overtime. There will be a car for you, so you won¡¯t bete. You¡¯re meeting Donna Moore. x That¡¯s fine, Margo. Thank you. I reply instantly, uneasily. This side of the job is new to me; Working earlyte and specific outfits¡ª the executives I handled on the lower floors weren¡¯t as important, I suppose. I¡¯m aware that working directly for a Carrero is a whole different ball game and in a way, I¡¯m eager to start properly. I need a new challenge as things on the tenth floor had be stale and predictable. * * * The car arrives bright and early next morning, a ck four by four; a typical Carrero choice and the driver is dressed in a ck suit simr to the security who had been in Jake¡¯s office. Their appearance makes me roll my eyes; aware the guy just loves all things ck. I have since learned the guard that day was Arrick Carrero¡¯s personal bodyguard; Jake doesn¡¯t seem to require such things apparently. Dressed in cream cks and a dusky pink, silk blouse; a present from my mother for my birthday which isn¡¯t until next week, but she mailed them early to be sure I got them. I don¡¯t celebrate my birthday and Sarah knows not to even mention it when ites around. I was surprised by my mother¡¯s gift as she doesn¡¯t normally bother, but for some reason, she did this time. I felt too guilty not to wear them. They¡¯re not as crisp and tailored as my usual attire but still passable and I¡¯m obliged to put them on at least once as I know how expensive they must have been. I hate that she felt the need to buy me things like this. Motherly guilt of some sort no doubt. It¡¯s her style, not mine, but she has tried. My mother is an eternal hippy; romantic frivolity is more her forte and part of her appeal to men. Even in her forties, she¡¯s still attractive and men find her desirable although the less I think about my mother¡¯s taste in men the better. I shake away that memory, pushing down the revulsion in my stomach. The car drops me at the familiar building; it¡¯s gray and wet this morning and there¡¯s a cold nippiness to the air. New York ising up for a season change. I run through the necessary security passes before I¡¯m on the sixty-fifth floor; the building is eerily quiet due to the early hour. Shivering, I pull my wool coat further around my shoulders to try to warm up although the building has state-of-the-art temperature control. Margo greets me at the office door with a blonde woman d in expensive clothes and an air of seductiveness. Tall graceful and dressed all in red, Margo introduces her as Donna Moore the personal shopper and informs me I¡¯m to be measured. Mr. Carrero insists that his closest staff receive this perk as his public image often sees him on red carpets and at the center of media interest. He expects anyone who might apany him to be appropriately dressed, always. His father cashed in on his son¡¯s natural sex appeal from an early age using him as the front man for their range of high-end grooming products and aftershaves, which means a never-ending media interest. The boy is basically a super model for his ownpany. Still New York¡¯s poster boy, even now, he can¡¯t seem to move without a camera sh or adoring fan appearing from nowhere. I stand on a stool feeling hugely ufortable at her invasive measuring as she flits around me with a tape and questions me on things I wear, colors I like, and such. She pulls out her cell and snaps a few pictures of me from all angles. Unhappy with the images, she fusses at me to untie my hair. I hold my patience and irritation in check and follow her instructions. I¡¯ll never get it back in its sleek style without a lot of effort. There goes another day enduring it around my face and having everyone croon about it. Just great! ¡°For my file, darling ¡­ So I remember your beautiful coloring and bone structure, and how you look with your masses of soft hair.¡± She smiles at me, eyes dazzling like a kid at Christmas. I¡¯ve no idea why that¡¯s a necessity at all. ¡°I love your hair down.¡± Margo smiles at me, eyeing me up and swooping in with a soft tone. ¡°It makes a world of difference, Emma, really, it softens your whole face.¡± She regards me with a warm expression and keen eye which adds anotheryer of ufortable to my mood. ¡°You don¡¯t think it¡¯s unprofessional?¡± I smart. I want them both to back off and stop scrutinizing me, making me nervy. ¡°Nowhere in the office uniform manual does it say¡ªhave your hair tied up like a school mistress.¡± The two women giggle rather surprisingly, killing the whole aura of mature professionals. ¡°We work in a very high-profile business that requires a certain attention to image.¡± The heat in my cheeks rises with irritation, at the giggling, and the fuss over my hair. ¡°Emma, darling, do you realize how gorgeous those waves are? You¡¯ve such a lovely color of hair, like pale autumn leaves.¡± Donna chirps over enthusiastically. I lock eyes on her nkly, trying not to dredge up images of moldy sodden ck and brown splodged leaves on the New York paving stonesst fall. Ignoring how ufortable I am looking ¡°softer¡±. ¡°She¡¯s right, Emma. I think you look so much more natural and pretty like this. I think Jake agreed yesterday.¡± Margo says a twinkle in her eye. A hint of a mischievous smile lurking. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Did he now?¡± I scowl, sarcasm light, meeting with amused looks. Ignoring the warm sensation deep in the pit of my stomach. ¡°Oh, I adore your pout ¡­ You¡¯re adorable,¡± Donna gushes and I sigh, realizing arguing is a lost cause. Donna is grinning at me in a mother hen kind of a way and it¡¯s the first time I notice the lines around her eyes, giving away a slight hint to her age. Margo is just encouraging it. ¡°Emma, I merely meant that you do seem a little severe and uptight when your hair¡¯s back. I know that¡¯s ironic, considering how I look, but you¡¯re young and pretty. You¡¯ve a natural beauty that you shouldn¡¯t hide. It doesn¡¯t make you look incapable.¡± She¡¯s gushing all over me. ¡°I look like a child like this.¡± My temper is fraying, only too aware how young having my hair loose makes me look. ¡°Well, doing that, you do!¡± Margo yanks my hair from my fingers and I flush, realizing I have been tugging at a strand under the scrutiny of two overbearing women. Annoyed and slightly embarrassed at being caught unawares. Crap ¡­ This is them ¡­ Anxiety! Making me feel pressured, putting me on a stand and fluffing around me, knocking me off kilter. Taking my hair down is like undressing me. ¡°Yeah, just don¡¯t do the hair twirling and lip pouting.¡± Donna nods in agreement, studying me with a finger on her chin. ¡°You¡¯re a woman child ¡­ It¡¯s surprising.¡± Sheughs genuinely, but it only chafes my already frayed temper. I don¡¯t need the hair twirling pointed out, thanks very much. I know how bloody stupid it is! Teen Emma scurries to hide from my ring wrath inside the depth of my head. ¡°Oh, to be that young and beautiful again!¡± Donna sighs, but Margo throws her a shocked look eximing that she¡¯s gorgeous and they go off on a tangent of how fabulous each other are. I find it tiresome. It¡¯s like I¡¯m in the twilight zone. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll start on your wardrobe darling. Margo has given me a list of the events you need to attend, and some work basics. I¡¯ll be back by the end of the day.¡± She waves her hands in excitement. ¡°We shall trust your judgment, Donna,¡± Margo gushes and we watch as she sweeps out in a flurry of red chiffon and a clip clop of heels. The cyclone that is Donna Moore. The energy in the room calms and I almost sag with relief. Chapter 9 Chapter 9 ¡°Is this necessary?¡± I get off the stool, relieved at being released, feeling like a full-size Barbie doll. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m afraid so ¡­ Jake¡¯s image is important; the Carrero name envisions luxury and wealth. If you¡¯re to attend events with him you need to represent the same image, my dear.¡± She smiles at me with a note of sympathy. ¡°Jake knows asking his staff to spend thousands of their hard-earned pay on an image is ridiculous, so just enjoy the perk.¡± She tries to appease my doubts as I try to calm my internal bristle and urge to refuse. ¡°I don¡¯t like other people choosing what I wear.¡± I like to be in control of every detail of my life. It¡¯s how I function. How I keep calm. ¡°Hush now. Donna is the one who helped me discover my inner goddess and made me look like this.¡± She twirls like a teenage girl. She¡¯s wearing a fitted ck suit today, molded, knee-length skirt and low buttoned jacket over a silky, silver camisole top, and perched on high ck stilettos. Her blonde hair is a wless French twist. She looks amazing. ¡°Really?¡± I am slightly appeased. She¡¯s the picture of sophistication and control that I aspire to achieve; maybe Donna won¡¯t be so bad after all. ¡°Oh yes. I was hopeless with my style when I started here. Fifteen years on and here I am.¡± She beams at me. ¡°Fifteen years?¡± the shock is obvious in my tone. That would mean she worked here before Jake was even old enough to help run an empire. He would have been thirteen! ¡°Yes, I used to be Carrero senior¡¯s assistant.¡± She¡¯s now clearing up the papers left askew by Donna on my desk. ¡°What¡¯s he like?¡± I¡¯ve always been intrigued by the older man and meeting himst year quelled none of the interest. He seemed to be a force to be reckoned with. Terrifying and cold. ¡°Like someone you never want to willingly meet.¡± The deep familiar smooth voice is so unexpected and close, I jump and spin around to see Jake striding in the door casually. The flutters in my stomach come back full force, reminding me I¡¯m still standing in the middle of the room and I move to my desk and sit down. Instant nerves returning. He¡¯s wearing designer jeans in a soft, washed-out color, a white T-shirt with a graffiti print logo that is slightly too neat on that body, a modern leather jacket, and his trademark shades. He doesn¡¯t look like a guy who¡¯sing to the office for the day. I¡¯m not sure I¡¯m impressed, despite how much it suits him, bad boy biker style. It¡¯s not exactly professional. ¡°Mr. Carrero ¡­ I mean¡ªJake ¡­ Good morning.¡± Controlled Emma is back in y, despite the hair tickling my face and the breathlessness at his appearance and attire. ¡°You look really nice today, Emma.¡± He smiles, allowing his gaze to travel over me from head to foot with a look of appreciation even behind shades. It makes me ufortable yet still my face flushes with telltale heat. Traitorous body! ¡°And you, Margo.¡± He turns his head toward her and it almost seems like an afterthought, but she smiles. ¡°Don¡¯t I always?¡± she smirks and throws him a wink. ¡°Of course.¡± He grins at her and lifts his shades to the top of his head to nestle in his hair. I try to ignore the slight flip low in my stomach, hate that I react to him this way and quash it, looking anywhere but at him. He probably practices every sexy move and mannerism he has in the mirror a dozen times a night for ultimate appeal! ¡°What¡¯s with the outfit?¡± she enquires, looking him up and down questioningly. ¡°Even for you that¡¯s rather casual for work.¡± ¡°All work and no y, makes for a very sad boy.¡± He grins back at her. Annoyingly confident in this attire. ¡°Touch of espionage today, Margo, Bambino.¡± His term makes me cringe. Baby? Really? Is this a hint of Casanova Carrero peeking out? I look down to my desk to hide the revulsion I know fleets across my face. ¡°Do you need me toe with you?¡± she looks him over intrigued andpletely un-phased by his pet name. ¡°I actually need Emma, if she¡¯s up to it?¡± he turns, throwing me one of the heart aching ¡°Yes, I know I¡¯m sexy¡± smiles, but I don¡¯t react. I¡¯ve seen this smile in action when I researched him, and it does little for me. Liar. ¡°I¡¯m up to whatever task you ask of me,¡± I respond drily. Within reason! The Lothario smile is making me uneasy. ¡°Intriguing.¡± Margo frowns at him, still trying to work out what he is up to. ¡°Is this the Daniel Hunter meeting? I thought we scheduled it for next week?¡± They¡¯re both standing at my desk, a little too closely for me to ignore, so I keep my eyes on the screen in front of me instead and try to appear busy. Opening today¡¯s schedule. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°We decided to do it this morning ¡­ He¡¯s free for a couple of days. Next week he¡¯s flying to Paris.¡± She nods, understanding what he¡¯s talking about; I¡¯m not yet privy to the inner office secrets between them, which happen frequently. ¡°My office, Emma, please.¡± He walks away, and I can only follow without question. I slide up and match his purposeful stride, even in heels. He waits until Margo and I¡¯ve followed him in and closes the door behind us; she goes straight to hisptop pulling it across the table to ess, leans over the desk pulling up files as he turns to me. ¡°Do you have anything less ¡­ PA ¡­ to wear here?¡± I falter and my entire face warms as he looks at me with a smile. A raised brow in question. What now? ¡°Emma, yes, dear. You¡¯ll be apanying Jake today, but you need to look like a date rather than an assistant.¡± Margo crosses to the printer to retrieve the files she¡¯s printed off. I pause and muster all my willpower to keep my lungs moving in and out. Suddenlypressed with weight and unable to breathe normally. Again ¡­ What? I don¡¯t even know how to respond to that. ¡°You are going to be his number two today ¡­ everyone knows I¡¯m his PA, whereas, you my dear, are new blood.¡± She smiles encouragingly, but it does nothing to my inner concerns. Panic raising its ugly head in the depths. ¡°We¡¯re up to no good.¡± He smiles at me in a disarming way as I try to gauge his expression and hers, not convinced they¡¯re being serious. Trying to remember how to inhale. ¡°No, I don¡¯t have any other clothes here,¡± I answer quietly, the irritation rising within me. ¡°Maybe we can stop at your apartment and let you change?¡± Jake¡¯s looking at me closely now and I frown in confusion. Hands cold yet somehow getting mmy. Why would I? ¡°Change?¡± I say icily. My stomach dropping at speed. ¡°Yeah.¡± He stands and walks toward me, eyeing me up as though trying to picture me in less formal clothes. Pushes his hands into his jean¡¯s pockets, which only further emphasizes his muscr body andck of formality. It¡¯s distracting. ¡°Something more casual.¡± He chews his bottom lip while thinking and staring, a lot of staring. I nce down at my tailored cream trousers and spiked heels. I look exactly as I should. ¡°What? Like jeans?¡± I try to control the edgy tone in my voice this time. Sarcasm oozing heavily. ¡°I was thinking more ¡­ feminine ¡­ a dress.¡± The humor in his voice grates on me, I thought I was done being Barbie already. This obviously is funny to him. Why does my being in a dress amuse him? Am I that un-feminine? ¡°If that¡¯s required, then yes. I have ess to dresses.¡± Sarah has a closet full of them. The kind of romantic clothes I avoid like the gue. ¡°We¡¯ll go there first then ¡­ I need this meeting to look more of a breakfast date between friends.¡± He straightens up, pulling his hands free and crosses them across his wide chest instead. Still glued to my figure and boldly looking me over. ¡°Am I to be enlightened on my role in this?¡± I ask stiffly. I didn¡¯t think I would be subjected to dress up. I try and outstare him, but he ignores it. ¡°I¡¯m meeting with Daniel Hunter ¡­ He¡¯s a yer in his family business.¡± He keeps his voice low, despite being closed in his own office. ¡°I¡¯ll not say why until we work out a few particrs but thanks to his very public break up, the media is all over his ass and he can¡¯t shake them to meet in private.¡± ¡°You¡¯re his fake date! Daniel will have a girl with him too, so it will appear as though four friends are having breakfast at the Waldorf.¡± Margo cuts in. ¡°You¡¯ll need to take notes and get acquainted with the particrs of the proposed merger, Emma; this is your first big responsibility. I¡¯m taking a back seat on this.¡± Chapter 10 Chapter 10 Crap. I¡¯m to do this while being stripped of all that makes mefortable and confident. ¡°I see.¡± My insides turn icy cold and my face numbs. ¡°All you need to do is smile and look adoringly at me until we get into the suite where Daniel is staying.¡± Jake shrugs with one shoulder. He really sees no issue at all. Yes, I¡¯m sure that¡¯s going to be easy. ¡°When are you leaving?¡± Margo presses, turning his hazy green eyes away from the scrutinizing he is doing over me. ¡°Now, if she needs to go home first ¡­ Where do you stay, Emma?¡± his eyes are back on mine, once again making me uneasy as he scans my attire. I tell him where in West Sunnyside and he nods before moving off to call his driver. I hear him telling him to meet us at the rear of the underground parking garage as I try to pull myself back together. ¡°Take a notepad and pen in a handbag, anything else will look odd ¡­ It¡¯s a preliminary meeting to thrash out the proposal, so take notes.¡± Margo soothes my nerves with a warm smile. Bringing my attention to her. ¡°Yes, Margo.¡± I answer nkly, head reeling with all of this and feeling overwhelmed suddenly. ¡°Emma?¡± She halts me with a gentle hand on my arm. ¡°Yes?¡± I pause at her sudden intense look. ¡°Try to rx around Jake ¡­ He¡¯s actually very easy to hang out with.¡± She grins, but it does nothing to remove the tension building up inside of me. I don¡¯t want to hang out, I want to do my job. * * * Less than twenty minutester, I¡¯m in the back of arge SUV with tinted windows and I¡¯m sitting mere inches away from him. My briefcase on myp and a pen in one hand. I¡¯m preupied, mulling over the weirdness of this request. ¡°That habit is at odds with how you present yourself, you know?¡± I look up at his remark questioningly. The way he is regarding me, and half-smirking my way. What the hell is he talking about? I realize I have a strand of hair between my fingers, absent-mindedly twisting it. I drop it and still my hands on myp, internally cursing him out. For god¡¯s sake ¡­ It¡¯s the being unprepared, it has me on edge. Nice move, Emma. I scowl at teen Emma, always peeking at me from the recesses of my mind and smile tightly in response. ¡°Nervous habit?¡± he presses further, looking smugger. ¡°I don¡¯t get nervous, Mr. Carrero,¡± I respond drily. Because I¡¯ve spent many years perfecting the art of hiding it and for some reason, you bring it out in me when I¡¯m not focusing. ¡°Do I make you nervous?¡± he smiles; he¡¯s leaning back in his seatfortably, an arm on the window ledge and looks effortlessly casual. Always annoyingly at ease. ¡°I would not say that, Mr. Carrero.¡± Content ? N?velDrama.Org. What would I say? Because he does make me nervous, if I¡¯m being honest. I don¡¯t know how to act around him sometimes. ¡°Do I intimidate you?¡± his tone is steady and quizzical, a hint of yful and it¡¯s already tiring me. Are we really doing this? ¡°I just don¡¯t know you well enough to feel at ease around you yet,¡± I answer, impressed with my diplomatic response under the pressure of his gaze. ¡°I don¡¯t think any woman has ever told me I¡¯m intimidating before.¡± His eyes twinkle mischievously, his focus on me intense. ¡°I don¡¯t believe I actually said that,¡± I say. Sighing. ¡°You didn¡¯t say no.¡± ¡°If that¡¯s how you perceived what I said.¡± I smile tightly, but heughs that only further grates on me. He¡¯s infuriating. ¡°I¡¯ve never met a woman who acts like you do around me!¡± he jests, pushing a foot against the door so he can lounge some more, and I throw him a cool yet questioning nce. What¡¯s that supposed to mean? Because I don¡¯t throw myself at you, begging to be mauled? ¡°Women usually flirt ¡­ Make their intentions clear, or just quiz the crap out of me.¡± He shrugs, un- phased by the statement he made and oblivious to how much of an ass it makes him appear. ¡°Women openly tell you they want to bed you, Mr. Carrero?¡± I ask pointedly. I already assumed this was the case, the fact he expects it is a little repulsive. The fact he expected it of me, makes me mad. ¡°Something like that.¡± He grins at my honesty, watching me closely still, his body turned toward me slightly. ¡°That must be nice.¡± I look out at the passing scenery,pletely ufortable with the direction of this conversation, finding him highly inappropriate and praying to just get to Sunnyside quickly. Only one more block to my apartment and I can get a reprieve from this crap. Why did I have to live so far? ¡°It gets old ¡­ I like being intimidating ¡­ That¡¯s one I haven¡¯t heard yet.¡± Heughs at me again and I try to ignore it, hating that hisugh is still nice to listen to, despite his ws. I cast him a shady look. Must be so boring having women fall at your feet every day and tell you how gorgeous you are. Must be so hard to have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth, and no real problems in life, except how sexy your outfit is that day. ¡°In what way?¡± he says in afterthought, turning his gaze back on me once more. ¡°What way what?¡± I am tense. I hate feeling this way and watch my fingers carefully, making sure they stay steady on myp. Willing him to leave me alone. ¡°In what way do I intimidate you?¡± he¡¯s finding this highly amusing, judging by the expression stered over his smug face, and the tone in his voice which screams tease. ¡°Is this necessary?¡± I bristle, tightly sitting upright and showing no hint of my inner feelings. ¡°What? Wanting to get to know my PA a little better? ¡­ I think so.¡± Sure, if that¡¯s what we call this ¡­ Ego fluffing. ¡°Probing.¡± I say evenly. ¡°I don¡¯t think wanting to know why I make you so ufortable is probing ¡­ We¡¯re going to spend the next few hours together; I think it¡¯s necessary. It¡¯s a novelty for me.¡± He looks smug without smiling. So talented. ¡°I never said I was ufortable; you¡¯ve summarized what I said and concluded what you¡¯re now pursuing. I merely said I don¡¯t know you well.¡± He¡¯s exasperating me now and getting pissed at your boss is never a good career move. I try to keep my tone steady and unemotional, but I even hear the note of dry agitation in my own voice. ¡°My apologies.¡± Heughs in that disarming way he has, and I sigh angrily. He knows how to get under my skin and seems to enjoy it. ¡°Are you always this defensive?¡± he asks, still pushing. For the love of god ¡­ I need to muster all my strength to remain impassive. ¡°Are you always so informal with staff?¡± I retort defensively. Gripping my jacket hem to try and keep my temper low and not show him how much he¡¯s annoying me now. ¡°Emma, my staff are people I respect ¡­ People whose skills benefit me. I don¡¯t see a need to act like a stuffed shirt because I employ them. I¡¯m not my father.¡± I hate the way he¡¯s studying me; I can feel his eyes on the side of my face, and I continue to ignore it. Continue to act cold. ¡°You¡¯re not like him ¡­ I met him ¡­ You¡¯re nothing like him.¡± In that he knows how to behave. He understands the boundaries between boss and employee. ¡°Good. I don¡¯t aim to be.¡± He shifts in his seat. ¡°We don¡¯t exactly see eye to eye on most things.¡± I give him a cool look and note he seems a little less rxed at that word again. Maybe talking about his father makes him uptight. I can rte to that, not that I would call the sperm donor a father, the absent sperm donor of my childhood. ¡°You¡¯re not curious?¡± he nces at me quizzically, green eyes once again boring into the side of my face and making me ufortable. ¡°Curious about what?¡± Chapter 11 Chapter 11 ¡°Why I don¡¯t get along with him? ¡­ Most women pry ¡­ They want the juicy details.¡± A hint of a smile in his voice, a gross generalization of my sex. I curb the urge to eye roll at him. ¡°No. It¡¯s not my business.¡± I answer tightly; I¡¯m not most women and I wish he would shut up. It¡¯s a relief when we pull up in front of my building and I glimpse my chance of escape for a few minutes. ¡°This is me.¡± I point up at the block of attractive brown apartments rising above us; he regards me for a second then gestures I should go and I almost exhale with thanks. ¡°I¡¯ll wait here, go get changed ¡­ Something feminine and soft ¡­ Something you wouldn¡¯t normally wear.¡± He gives me an odd look, hiding his amusement and I have the sudden urge to throat punch him. Something feminine? Really? I¡¯m pretty sure any clothes made predominantly for women are ssed as feminine! Once in my apartment, I go straight to Sarah¡¯s room. She¡¯s still sound asleep in bed, so I quietly pull two dresses from the back of her closet with a grimace. This doesn¡¯t sit well with me, but I pick the floral floaty number my mother would approve of. It¡¯s not as short as the other one and I know she has shoes that match this. I go to my room so as not to disturb her and change quickly, despairing at my reflection with a curse and return to the SUV looking like some floaty hippy girl in love, in less than ten minutes. ¡°Better,¡± he says, his eyes appraising me quickly as I slide in. I ignore it. Dressed like this I feel exposed; I need my armor ¡­ my tailoring and hair to keep my PA persona with me. Dressed like this I¡¯m like teen Emma and it scares me, takes away my defenses. I don¡¯t like to be unprepared. The car moves off again and I sit back trying to rx. It¡¯s hard to do when every one of your nerve endings is on high alert. My legs are exposed a lot in this floaty dress, and I pull them in tightly against the seat, pulling the hem toward my knees sharply. ¡°Why all the secrecy?¡± I ask in attempt to interrupt the way he¡¯s watching me. If I didn¡¯t know better, I would think he was checking my legs out. His gaze has certainly covertly swept the length of me twice since I returned. ¡°His father, much like mine, owns a majority share of his business. Family money. If either gets wind of what we¡¯re meeting about then they would oppose this before I can get things in ce. Once I maneuver this a certain way, they will be unable to refuse.¡± He sits back, turning to stare ahead, instead of at me, thankfully. Finally, no longer pinned down by those green eyes. ¡°So, you¡¯re going behind your father¡¯s back?¡± I nche, blinking at him as though I have no real sense of this. ¡°For now. He would refuse to even consider it.¡± He shrugs and starts pushing at something with the toe of his boot on the door. An odd mannerism for who he is. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Hunter and my father have a history. They let their rift cloud what¡¯s good for business.¡± He moves closer to me, abandoning whatever he was kicking at. Almost a conspiration lean. ¡°And you think a merger, with someone your father hates, is a good business move?¡± I sit back in my seat trying to keep the distance, trying not to inhale that aftershave or unique Carrero scent now it¡¯s closer. He smells too nice for my liking. ¡°If I do this right, then yes ¡­ We stand to make a lot of money.¡± He shrugs and goes back to looking out his window at passing scenery, moving back again and I exhale. ¡°What exactly are you going to be merging with?¡± I rx, d to have my breathing space back. ¡°They¡¯re primarily ship builders. I want to take our experience and build floating hotels and spas bearing the Carrero name. Modern conveniences with luxury fitness amenities onboard ¡­ Super boats.¡± ¡°Like cruise ships?¡± ¡°High-end cruise ships, only a lot bigger and more pamper based.¡± ¡°What makes you think they will be a sess?¡± I¡¯m intrigued by his n. ¡°The Carrero name ¡­ It¡¯s what Hunter needs for this venture to be usible. Their reputation ofte has suffered. They had a few multibillion-dor disasters. They get our reputation and our name, and we get rights to the designs they have in progress.¡± ¡°So, this meeting ¡­?¡± I¡¯m impressed with his idea and know only too well the rich clients of Carrero would jump at a chance to stay on a floating spa. Carrero is all about luxury. ¡°To outline my n ¡­ How I¡¯m going to maneuver my father to agree to the terms. He could dissolve the whole thing.¡± He looks serious, a return of boss mode. ¡°I see ¡­ What¡¯s expected of me when we get there, Mr. Carrero?¡± Best to know my part and be prepared so I can act ordingly. ¡°I just need you to look adoring if we see any lingering photographers. There may be press hanging around. Daniel¡¯s going through a bit of a media scandal ¡­ Caught screwing someone of importance and then she dumped him publicly. Then, when we¡¯re inside, I need you to keep detailed notes of what¡¯s discussed so I can backtrackter.¡± ¡°Great.¡± I grimace, wondering what looking adoring entails. Slightly nauseous at the thought. ¡°You¡¯ll just have to follow my lead, Emma, and don¡¯t get too insulted if I need to touch you.¡± He throws me a smile, watching for a reaction, a little too closely. My eyes widen and I almost gasp. ¡°Touch me?¡± I flinch at the tone of my own voice betraying me. My heart rate ups a few notches and my palms be instantly mmy. I never signed up for touching. ¡°You¡¯re my date remember ¡­ I may need to hold your hand, or it might look weird ¡­ When I take women out, they¡¯re usually inclined to hang over me.¡± He shrugs again, those piercing eyes back on the front of the car and giving me respite. Of course, they are. This makes me uptight. I want to run away. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. Great ¡­ Now he wants to touch me and cuddle up for the cameras; nowhere did I sign up for that in my employment contract. ¡°I have your permission?¡± He nces at me hesitantly, waiting for a response. ¡°Yes.¡± It¡¯s my job. I¡¯m anything but sure, but what harm could it do? Keep reminding yourself of that fact, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m sure I can tolerate hand holding for a few minutes, even with him. ¡°Good.¡± As the car draws up to a grand hotel, I¡¯m not relishing what¡¯sing, trying not to over-analyze any of this. Before I know it, his driver is opening my door. I step out as Jake follows behind me; we immediately see the hovering photographers with long-lensed cameras hung around their necks and they pique their interest as Jake slides smoothly up behind me, reaching his full height. Even without touching me, I sense him behind me. My body suddenly on high alert at his proximity. Nerves twist my insides to mush. ¡°Ready?¡± he whispers and loops his fingers in mine as hees around me to lead, pulling me toward the doormen. I can¡¯t concentrate on much else except the ufortable heat of his skin on mine and the way his hand practically dwarves my own. I¡¯ve never let anyone hold my hand ¡­ Well, my mother, maybe once or twice, but she doesn¡¯t count. It¡¯s not a wee experience and I have to steel against the urge to recoil and snap my hand away. Too soft, too hot, too intimate. Suddenly there¡¯s a small sh that startles me. Crap. They call his name from the right side of us, but he walks on ignoring them and pulling me toward our destination, pulling me against the side of his body, his grip tightening and keeping me close. I keep my chin down, watching my feet and for the first time d my hair is down to shield my face. We walk on and I allow myself to be led; there¡¯s something disturbingly reassuring about it, despite my reservations. I feel safer than I had expected with him. The photographers are denied entry beyond the huge ss doors by tall, uniformed doormen. ¡°Are you here to see Daniel Hunter, Mr. Carrero?¡± a faceless voice calls out. Shrill in the quiet air. ¡°Are you consoling your friend over the breakup with porn star, Candy Kane?¡± Another voice. I cringe ¡­ What the hell? Someone of importance. A goddamn porn star! ¡°Jake?¡± A male voice greets us from inside the lobby and I¡¯m introduced to Daniel Hunter. Another billionaire yboy from a wealthy family. The two men fist bump in such addish way and do that whole guy arm embrace thing, where they bump shoulders in a macho manner. I watch inplete disbelief that this man is my actual boss, acting like a street thug while his buddy is tugging along a leggy supermodel looking creature. Chapter 12 Chapter 12 Got over his porn star pretty quick. Daniel takes in my appearance rather obviously. ¡°She¡¯s not your usual type?¡± he smirks as the two men greet warmly. Eyes openly undressing me. ¡°She¡¯s definitely yours though.¡± Jake smirks, nodding toward the disinterested bimbo, reminding him of their purpose here and Daniel grins. I instantly dislike him. He¡¯s tall and well built, like Jake, but he has sandy blonde hair and dark brown eyes. He¡¯s handsome in a ssic American way but something about his features make him seem shifty. Sleazy maybe. The other girl looks bored; dark hair cascading over fake breasts, standing tall in stilettos and a short ysuit. She¡¯s picking at her red nails as we move on, following Daniel back into the hotel. Jake keeps hold of my hand, casting a nce back at the lenses pointed in through the ss entrance, he throws an arm around my shoulders shielding my face from view and I inwardly freeze. My lungs contract and refuse to function. ¡°Try to rx ¡­ You¡¯re tense.¡± He smiles down at me, close enough that most would assume he kissed me lightly and I know he¡¯s trying to give this impression. I hold my breath, suddenly assaulted with how good he smells and feels so close to me. It¡¯s unexpectedly sensual and the intimate closeness sends me into all out-panic mode. I react without thinking, to lift a defensive hand to his chest as my heart pounds crazily, ready to push him. I¡¯m overwhelmed and scared. I don¡¯t like the proximity; instinct taking over. He grasps my fingers with his free hand and holds them gently, shielding my reaction and making it look like something else entirely. I focus on my breathing trying to block out the creeping fear running over me. Don¡¯t fall apart, I scold myself internally. Hold your shit together, Emma. It¡¯s only pretend and he¡¯s barely touching you. ¡°I have a room.¡± Daniel winks at us as though implying something is going on. I almost pass out. ¡°I figured I would have a use for it afterwards.¡± He throws a nce toward the leggy, bored, supermodel, who looks like she¡¯s as excited for that as she is about being here. I grimace and flush at his insinuation. Jake releases me when we¡¯re in the confines of the elevator and throws me a smile, like it¡¯s meant as praise, but I don¡¯t respond, too busy trying to calm my pounding heart rate and trying to get my breathing to normalize. We get to the desired floor and follow Daniel; he already has his key card in his hand. ¡°I took the liberty of ordering a breakfast menu ¡­ I know you like to eat, Jakey boy.¡± He grins Jake¡¯s way and gets a smile in return. ¡°I¡¯m starving, and I¡¯m sure Emma needs to eat too.¡± I nod shyly. Shellshocked and quiet while recovering. I hadn¡¯t had time to eat this morning, but I¡¯m not sure how he could even know that. Finally, in the hotel room, I feel stupidly disconcerted. It¡¯s knocked me for six. Jake¡¯s hands on me have left permanent heat where heid them, asting sensation as though they are still on me. I give myself an internal p and pull myself together as best I can. I need to stop over thinking this. Chapter 5 I sit and pay attention as we eat from the breakfast buffet; the business merger sounds promising and I take key point notes on things he will want to recap. I listen intently to them thrash through proposals and possibilities with enthusiasm and can see that these men are genuine friends. They have a rapport you can only find between men who know each other well. Sarcasm and banter inteced with business talk. Jake is one of the ¡®guys¡¯ when he¡¯s around Daniel. I can¡¯t help but notice as I¡¯ve been sitting cross legged that Daniel Hunter has not concealed his open appraisal of me, his eyes following my legs and arms intrusively as Jake outlines some points of business. He makes my skin crawl and I¡¯m doing my best to ignore him. I catch Jake nce my way a couple of times, with an unreadable expression before he looks back at his friend. I look up asionally from note taking and am intrigued with the differences between them. The friendship seems genuine, but I don¡¯t see the connection and it interests me. The way Jake just upies a space, effortlessly cool and sprawled out; he always looks soid back andfortable in all surroundings, even at work. Right now, his feet, crossed at the ankles are on the low coffee table, he¡¯s sitting low down in the armchair like an adolescent with his forearms resting on the arms of the chair. His head nuzzled in the cushioned back, yet he still has an air of capability and command; he¡¯s just so at ease and still. I guess he¡¯s always beenfy in his own skin and probably had adoring girls throwing themselves at him from a very early age. A blessed life that instilled this self- assurance. Daniel, on the other hand, is more hyperactive and fidgety. Sitting straight up on the couch and leaning forward away from the back. He moves a lot when he talks and behaves over energetically when his interest is peaked. I wonder if he¡¯s a firm member of the ¡°Charlie¡± culture among the rich and famous. Cocaine use ismon; I¡¯ve seen a lot of it in thedies¡¯ bathrooms at the Carrero glitzy parties, events, and promotions. I nce at Jake wondering if he¡¯s someone who uses it too and get a heavy ache in my chest. I hope he¡¯s not; I¡¯ve always had zero tolerance to drug use. When we¡¯re done Jake stands and stretches out, revealing a tiny inch of the naked toned abdomen at his jeans waistband and it takes all my strength not to inhale sharply. I¡¯m beyond mortified at my own reaction but hide it well. I¡¯ve seen naked before. I¡¯m no virgin and I¡¯m pissed at myself for the stupid reactions I have to this man. He brings out such adolescent responses in me. Although ¡­ that abdomen is worth an ogle! ¡°I¡¯ll work out the finer points, Daniel and we¡¯ll meet again. Next time more formally to discuss this further.¡± He shakes Daniel¡¯s hand and they hug in a very ¡°Bromance¡± way. Nice. Male bonding over stabbing your fathers in the back. How admirable. ¡°Dude, we on for a drinking session when I get back?¡± ¡°You need to ask?¡± Jake jokes as they stand a foot apart. ¡°Yeah, guess you need your wing man to help you pick up on the pretties. You¡¯re pretty useless solo.¡± Danielughs and pushes Jake in the arm yfully. ¡°We both know I¡¯m the one with the moves, women just like your pretty boy smile and fat wallet, Princess.¡± Jake pinches his cheek and is rewarded with Daniel¡¯s middle finger. The humor is evident. Daniel turns to me with a sideways crooked smile and a glint of sleaze in his eye. I steel against an eye roll and remain impassive under his scrutiny, standing up slowly and pulling my bag to my side. Trying to stay invisible. ¡°Emma, it was really nice to meet you. I¡¯m sure Jake would let me take you out to dinner.¡± He smiles my way.Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. Does he realize his slinky, sexual, bored woman is ten feet away lounging on a couch and watching a movie on her iPad? My skin crawls. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t let you anywhere near her, Hunter! I know your MO remember.¡± Jake cuts in smoothly and easily between us, saving me from a refusal. His tone is light. ¡°Bro?¡± Daniel frowns with mock shock, holding a hand to his chest as though he¡¯s deeply wounded. ¡°Forget it ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t let you near her with anyone else¡¯s, let alone yours.¡± Jake¡¯s still joking, but there¡¯s a slight edge to his voice now. He¡¯s serious. ¡°I forgot you don¡¯t mess with the staff.¡± Danielughs smugly. I miss whatever look passes between them as Jake stands in front of me. ¡°I don¡¯t mess with good girls¡ªPeriod.¡± Jake turns, throws me a cavalier wink and my heart stops mid- beat. He thinks I¡¯m a good girl? What does that even mean? Boring, uptight? What¡¯s wrong with good girls? ¡°Amen to that!¡± Daniel cuts in and both men high five in a show of male camaraderie. This time I don¡¯t quell the urge to eye roll and catch Jake grinning back at me. I experience a swell of relief as he turns, cing a hand on the small of my back to guide me out. Signaling this is done. It¡¯s the first time skin contact has been eptable between us as he heads me out of the room, along the hall, and finally to the row of gold colored elevators leaving Daniel behind in the room to do whatever with his date. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I answered for you,¡± Jake nces at me in the elevator. There¡¯s an apologetic downturn to one eyebrow that¡¯s kind of cute. ¡°I just don¡¯t think any good woulde from dating Daniel Hunter ¡­ I know him too well.¡± The look of conviction and honesty is endearing. Chapter 13 Chapter 13 ¡°I don¡¯t want to date Daniel Hunter.¡± I smile tightly, suddenly warm and a little ustrophobic but also deadly serious. Daniel is a creep. Why does he have this knack of tilting me off keel? I don¡¯t like it. ¡°He¡¯s bad news with women.¡± He frowns at me, watching me closely and I have to look away for a second to stop the rise of heat running up inside of me and showing on my face. ¡°Bit like you then?¡± I smirk and catch the full width of that jaw-dropping smile from the corner of my eye. It¡¯s unexpected and makes me smile too. ¡°I¡¯m not bad news for women ¡­ I know how to treat them, whereas Daniel does not. He¡¯s a typical yboy, he doesn¡¯t care whose feelings he hurts.¡± Irony. He slips an arm around me, pulling me in against him, shielding me as we leave the elevator amid more shes and clicks. This time I anticipate it and am more rxed about the contact. I keep my eyes on the floor and try not to react to him, which is hard, considering he has me pressed very securely to that muscr frame and it¡¯s not exactly unpleasant. He feels solid. Outside I look up, blinking harshly as the sun res cruelly at us and I lift my hand to shield my eyes. He slides his shades from his head onto my face in such a fluid movement that I¡¯m taken by surprise and don¡¯t react. He registers nothing on his face, just guides me to our car as it pulls up and he deposits me in the back before following me in. I suddenly get a little inkling of how the women he dates must feel; he¡¯s attentive and in control, with great manners. He¡¯s a gentleman. Pretty surprising for a guy who loves himself. Very smooth, Carrero, unexpectedly smooth. I hand them back in the dark confines of the car and he pushes them back on top of his head with a smile. A nothing but thanks kind of soft grin. ¡°Back to the office?¡± I enquire, clutching my briefcase to offload my notepad. d to be back in here and back to normal territory. ¡°Not yet. I¡¯ve some things to do and I figure we could use the bonding time. Margo agreed we should get better acquainted.¡± He looks out the window as we move off, watching the photographers fall back with disinterest. Tinted windows concealing us fully. ¡°Why? I¡¯m only your PA.¡± I¡¯m surprised and too quick verbally to curb my stupid question. I know I should never quiz the boss. ¡°And that job entails a lot more than typing, Emma. I know you¡¯re used to working for the execs on the lower floors, but I¡¯ve certain tasks that my staff undertake. It¡¯s why I took you on a rmendation and didn¡¯t just dip into the temp pool.¡± He studies my face seriously. ¡°Tasks? Beyond those of a PA?¡± I ask carefully. Being obtuse and cursing myself for it. ¡°You¡¯ll apany me on business trips, dinners and such. Sometimes I prefer my PA to an actual date. Less hassle. Your being unmarried and having no kids are part of the reason Margo singled you out from the list. She recognizes that you¡¯re career oriented and like to go above and beyond for your position.¡± Above and beyond? What the hell does that mean? ¡°List?¡± I query instead, trying to not mull over the fact he sometimes reces dates with his PA. Trying not to read anything into what he just said. ¡°There were more than thirty employees rmended for your role.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not surprised. I guess this was a job worthy of fighting over.¡± I nche realizing just how lucky I was to get picked. Of course, there would have been a list; every woman this side of Manhattan would want to work for Jake Carrero. Work with him closely, very closely indeed. ¡°You¡¯ll soon get sick of the flights and hotels, Emma. I practically live out of a suitcase.¡± He sighs and once again finds that something with the toe of his boot at the door to start pushing. It¡¯s oddly juvenile. ¡°I will?¡± The thought is a little exciting; I long to travel, long to experience things beyond New York. I¡¯ve been waiting on it. ¡°Margo has a husband and family; she can¡¯t be my chaperone anytime I need her. She¡¯s missed out on so much of her kids¡¯ lives.¡± He looks genuinely guilty about this. ¡°Now her husband is retiring, and I think she feels it¡¯s time to rekindle her marriage. So, she took the opportunity to find a more suitable assistant. Natalia has already decided that on her return, she won¡¯t return to my office. She wants to offload some of her responsibilities and concentrate on family.¡± He throws me another disarming smile. ¡°Not everyone can handle the intensity of this job, Emma ¡­ Or the hours, and once you¡¯re ready to move up to Margo¡¯s position, we¡¯ll find someone else to work under you.¡± He stops with the fidgeting and rests his focus on me once more. ¡°I hope I don¡¯t disappoint. I aim to work my butt off,¡± I say, honestly, starting to rx in his presence and somehow seeing a new side to him after this little encounter. Time alone has made me a little less intimidated by him. He¡¯s human after all. ¡°Over thest couple of days, I¡¯ve been observing you; trying to find out if we¡¯repatible enough to have the same kind of working rtionship that I have with Margo.¡± ¡°And?¡± I¡¯m surprised by this. ¡°You¡¯re still my PA, aren¡¯t you?¡± He smiles warmly, that devastating natural smile of his that has the ability to curl toes and leave you fanning yourself. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. ¡°Early days, Mr. Carrero.¡± I smile back, a little bit of my rxed humor seeping into my tone, feeding from his casual atmosphere for once. ¡°Reading people is a gift of mine. I recognize ability. I think once you rx and thaw a little, we¡¯ll get on fine. Your skills are on point, you follow instruction and you take initiative.¡± I¡¯m stunned. I don¡¯t know why his praise shocks me. I know how hard I work; I know how good I am. I guess I¡¯m shocked that he even noticed and verbalized it. He seems too rxed to sharply watch people. I guess it¡¯s another of his hidden skills; a silent observer who is very good at hiding it. ¡°Margo aims to hand over to you eventually ¡­ I want to make the transition smooth, so she has no reason to backtrack. Margo deserves her retirement.¡± I pick up on the affection in his face. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen that kind of connection between co-workers that wasn¡¯t sex based. It¡¯s sweet, I guess. ¡°I¡¯m sure I won¡¯t disappoint her,¡± I shrug quietly, eyes on him and a soft smile crosses my lips. A genuine one. ¡°You need to learn to rx around me.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re implying I adopt your casual posture and manner, then I don¡¯t think the transition will go as smoothly as you want.¡± with an edge of seriousness in my tone, I want him to understand that I¡¯ll never be asx as Margo in our work rtionship. He just grins at me, all white straight teeth, and chiseled handsomeness. Self-assured and smug. Annoyingly so. Chapter 14 Chapter 14 It¡¯s been twelve weeks since I met Jake Carrero and I¡¯m no longer unsure around my over-familiar boss. In such a brief time, the forced proximity and grueling demands has carved out an amicable rtionship that doesn¡¯tpletely offend me. I find him tolerable, sometimes even amusing. I¡¯d go as far as sayingpanionable. I maybe even like him a little more than I ever imagined I could. The full force of my job requirements came upon me in a tidal wave after the Hunter breakfast. Margo decided to throw me in the deep end as it was the only way to test my resolve and she had slowly been receding from the picture, until now. Now she ispletely absent. I run after him to meetings, carrying files and folders, a wealth of information always at my fingertips. Awaiting hismands, always up to speed with every detail he¡¯s dealing with, always involved. He¡¯s an exhausting workaholic with a very hand on approach, yet I¡¯ve never been happier or more challenged. I¡¯m content. Trips are frequent and tiring and I spend my days in an endless flurry of typing, answering phones, having orders tossed at me and dealing with a hundred people via my iPad, iPhone, andptop; all of which he thrust at me rather ceremoniously after the Hunter meeting. I¡¯m excelling at the control and efficiency and I¡¯m starting to take it all in my stride. Despite acting like he¡¯s Mr. Cool andid back and takes nothing seriously, I was pleasantly surprised to find Jake is deeply embroiled in his father¡¯s business. Surprised to find Mr. Carrero does in fact possess a very shrewd business brain and high IQ that contradicts how he presents himself. I guess that¡¯s a part of his allure; he¡¯s smart, sharp, and attentive, but wrapped up in casual charm and sexiness normally associated with dumb underwear models. I¡¯ve been privy to so many contracts and papers in such a short time that my head reels every night when I go to bed. I¡¯ve lost the ability to switch off and I now lie awake, restless with things I need to get done the next day. Eager to go back to work. I¡¯ve found so much more enjoyment in submerging myself in my new role than I ever found on the tenth floor. Jake was right about identifying my skills; he pounced on them and uses them to full capacity every single day. He¡¯s never boring to be around, that¡¯s for sure. My wardrobe has expanded hugely thanks to the skill of Donna Moore and I can¡¯t say it¡¯s unpleasant. Her taste is impable, and she has chosen things I would have bought for myself. Margo was right, it¡¯s a perk that I am enjoying. I look forward to her frequent visits,den with bags of clothes that Jake has assured her I need. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice cuts through my thoughts as I run through my schedule on the iPad in my hand, engrossed in shifting appointments to fit in an impromptu trip and emailing the changes to Rosalie to organize. She¡¯s my new assistant, recing me in my old position now Margo has retired. He¡¯s just arrived back from an early lunch with one of his brainless bimbos and only walked in. ¡°Jake?¡± I answer without looking up, aware of his body heat close behind me. I am always aware of his proximity. ¡°I need the Hunter file.¡± His voice runs over me smoothly. ¡°Already on your desk¡± I smile graciously, pulling down the back of my tailored jacket, a gray woolen Dior courtesy of Donna; standing in the middle of my office which is right outside his. I walked out from cing those exact files on his desk when my email beeped. ¡°Thanks, did you call and arrange my dinner booking with re?¡± His girl of the moment, yet not the lunch date; some Hollywood actress turned country singer with endless legs and oversized boobs. I dislike all his girls, and the frequency in which he reces them. ¡°Yes. You¡¯re in at eight at the za, where she¡¯s staying. I¡¯ve arranged for the car to collect you.¡± I respond drily, trying to keep the disdain from my voice. ¡°Good girl.¡± He pats my back childishly and I give him an indulgent look ¡­ hating the term. ¡°Good girl?¡± Like I¡¯m some sort of puppy. Next, he¡¯ll be giving me a biscuit. ¡°Emma?¡± ¡°Mmm-hmmm?¡± I look back down distractedly as an email reply from Rosalie pings to the top right corner of my tablet. She¡¯s down at ounting and not at her desk, ten feet away. ¡°Fuck!¡± Jake breathes right behind my head; his breath moves my hair and it sends goosebumps over my skin from the contact. ¡°What?¡± I look up in surprise at him, craning round to see his face behind me. He¡¯s ring past me toward the wall of ss in the outer hallway as a group of suited men and women make their way toward us from the elevators. They haven¡¯t seen us yet, as their view is impaired from the angle. Jake swipes me around the waist and halls me backward, causing me to almost drop my iPad. Pulled into his office, he shuts the door as I squeal in surprise at being man handled in such a Neanderthal way and make a protest. ¡°Jake!¡± ¡°Shhhh.¡± He covers my mouth with his hand, still caught in his arm, he pulls me backward lifting my feet from the floor. My arms il with the sudden kidnapping, and I grip my iPad tighter, struggling weakly. I hate when he does stuff like this! He has no concept of personal space or how inappropriate it is to manhandle your PA. He manhandles me way more than I ever thought possible. This is often a daily urrence in some way or another and he sees nothing wrong with it. ¡°Just be quiet and do as you¡¯re told!¡± He drops me from his embrace, grabs my free hand hauling me toward the rarely used door of his office into his second room with apology. It¡¯s a changing roome office that I¡¯ve never actually understood. He stores clothes, art, and random crap in here, including the couches which used to grace the office floor. Hetches the door behind us and sits on one of the cream couches, leaving me heaving in the middle of the floor like a crazy person. Struggling to calm my thudding heart rate. ¡°Jake are you having some sort of mental breakdown?¡± I snap, looking around the room he has us caught in while I steady my breath. I run my hands down my skirt, trying to un-wrinkle my clothes now I¡¯ve been unceremoniously released to regain my demeanor. ¡°It¡¯s my father ¡­ I don¡¯t want to see him.¡± He shrugs at me as though it¡¯s all the exnation I need. I know that several heated calls have taken ce in thest few days when the Hunter merger be public. I learned quickly how strained the father-son rtionship is and it¡¯s not the first time we have evaded Carrero senior. He either evades him or insists on antagonizing him in heated rows. Usually public fights. They have a deep-rooted conflict I¡¯ve never pressed him about. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you leave me out there to tell them you¡¯re not here then?¡± I snap and keep my voice low. I hate when he grabs me, yet it¡¯s something he does frequently when he wants me to move in a hurry or get out of his way. Wouldn¡¯t kill you to just ask me to move! ¡°Because wherever you are, is where I usually am. He knows that!¡± I can¡¯t argue with that logic. Jake seems to require my presence a lot more than I ever saw him with Margo. His cell starts to ring in his pocket, and he pulls it out, sighs and slides it back down onto the couch, silencing it. I sigh at his hopelessness, my temper dissipating and push my cool facade back into ce as I take in the dejected look on his face. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. So boyish at times. He stretches his hands behind his head in that casual way he has, closes his eyes as I watch, bemused, but still irritated. My boss, the man-child. Sometimes endearing, but generally a huge irritation to my day. ¡°If we hide out here for ten minutes, he will fuck off.¡± He says with closed eyes, hands tucked behind his head and mimicking sleep. ¡°Jake.¡± I warn lightly; he rarely swears at work. He opens one eye and smiles at me, sliding to his left and turns, lifts his feet onto the couch and slides down to getfy. A move into aid down position. Yes, this is the CEO of this empire! ¡°Power nap until he leaves my floor?¡± He winks; even through tailored suits, I can still make out the strong lines of his body and nce away to steady my focus on the rail of clothes in here. Distraction always works. Mostly. When was thest time he used any of the suits hung in here? Focus on the suits! I¡¯m pretty sure the ck Armani is the one he had sent in for the banquet we never attended. I should have it returned, I think to myself, and make a note on the iPad. Chapter 15 Chapter 15 He pats the sofa next to him suggestively, a cheeky Carrero glint in his eye but I continue with my notes refusing to make eye contact. ¡°I think not, Mr. Carrero.¡± Sighing inwardly at the man I have to deal with every day; he¡¯s never dull anyway. ¡°Your loss.¡± He closes his eyes again. We pause as we hear voices in the room next to us, faint and distant, that quickly evaporate as the intruders leave again. Both of us silent and still. ¡°You¡¯ve a meeting in about fifteen minutes, I¡¯m sure half those suits are going to be in it.¡± I point out, sounding unamused and bored. ¡°I¡¯ll just imply I was busy elsewhere.¡± He shrugs, refusing to open those eyes and managing to look crazily attractive in this pose. I sigh. ¡°Busy doing what?¡± ¡°Busy in a cupboard with my PA, trying out the softness of the couch.¡± He smirks, opening one eye and then the other slowly, to grin at me. ¡°I¡¯m not having you imply we were up to no good somewhere in this building. Do you know how quickly that would get around the temp pool?¡± I respond calmly; this is a repetitive conversation which only makes me sigh again. Only I would be lumbered with a boss as trying as this, who loves nothing more than to stress me out. The sexual innuendos never run out with him or the jokes about implicating us. ¡°We are up to no good, may as well get on the couch and make it worth your while. I¡¯m sure I could help un-wrinkle that skirt.¡± I roll my eyes; he¡¯s in his yful mood. I probably won¡¯t get much work done this afternoon at all when he is like this. He¡¯s trying at the best of times, but worse in yful mode. I check my watch in irritation, we should get out of here. ¡°In your dreams,¡± I respond drily, trying my hardest to ignore him. ¡°Always.¡± He throws me a quick eyebrow lift, a cheeky smile. I remain impassive. He¡¯s tiresome and we have a meeting we should already be arriving at. Needless to say, he no longer intimidates me, and his overly familiar behavior is a sign that we have grown somewhat closer in the past weeks. He stopped behaving quite so properly a while ago and I gave up objecting because he is simply too exhausting. He¡¯s watching me as I smooth a stray hair back into my French knot, aware that his eyes are on me. I raise mine in question. Throwing him my haughty look. My silent, ¡°What?¡± ¡°I miss it sometimes you know?¡± He¡¯s watching me now, a strange look on his face and a faraway ze to his eyes. ¡°Miss what?¡± I mumble trying to sort my jacket out. He really did a number on making me look rumpled this time. ¡°Being able to intimidate you.¡± He¡¯s grinning again and eerily reading my thoughts of a moment ago. Something he does a lot. ¡°Shame,¡± I respond tly. I add a note to my nner for a reservation next week and pull up a new email I received. It¡¯s finance asking for the spreadsheets we finished this morning. Rosalie is obviously having no fun with them today. ¡°I think it¡¯s safe to leave the closet with you now, Mr. Carrero.¡± I close my iPad inside it¡¯s protective cover and don¡¯t look at him. ¡°We¡¯re back to Mr. Carrero, are we? Have I made you pout, Miss. Anderson?¡± He throws me his most innocent schoolboy look. I¡¯m fully aware of my using his title when he pisses me off, he thinks I¡¯m mad at him. Maybe I am. He did haul me into a cupboard after all. ¡°I think you need the boundaries redefined, seeing as you just manhandled me into a closet.¡± I pout at him. ¡°Point taken. I¡¯m so deeply sorry for my terrible behavior.¡± He¡¯s still smiling at me and I have the urge to smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. This annoys me immensely. I hate that he always manages to make me cave, even when he¡¯s pissed me off. He¡¯s incorrigible and exhausting. I don¡¯t know why I endure this every day. I push it down; I would rather stay pissed or appear to be, as it usually gets him to behave a little more demurely. ¡°Anytime soon?¡± I gesture at the door impatiently with a nod, crossing my arms. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°You go, I may stay here for a bit and watch you walk out.¡± He turns, gettingfy again to watch me move. A look of wickedness gracing his face and I exhale heavily. ¡°Enjoy the view,¡± I retort. ¡°I¡¯ll leave my resignation on the desk as I pass.¡± I smile sweetly, upper hand as always. He couldn¡¯t run things quite so well without me. ¡°Reason being sexual harassment ¡­ ¡­ Again!¡± I raise my voice to highlight my uppity tone. ¡°You couldn¡¯t leave me, Emma ¡­ You adore working for me too much. You would miss my sexual harassment.¡± Theugh in his voice indicates he is still smiling my way. Ass. I raise an eyebrow back at him and turn away as though I¡¯m serious and fight the urge to smirk. He has a way of getting under my skin even when being juvenile. I open the door and slide out, looking around cautiously. I notice that his office door is ajar, and I head out to peek around seeing everything is clear. A small walk to my old desk and I can check most of the floor is vacant, with only the regr secretaries milling around and paying no heed to me. I pull out my cell and text him that all is quiet rather than venture back in. I can¡¯t believe he made me hide in the closet from his father. Sometimes he acts like a two-year-old not New York¡¯s most eligible bachelor! He appears a momentter, looking cool and collected and smiles as he tugs a strand of my hair back down from my French knot. I could p him, he knows how much his fussing my hair annoys me, yet it¡¯s something he does several times a day for a reaction. I smooth it back in ce and curse under my breath at his back, resisting the urge to throw him a finger. I pick up the files for the meeting and check my watch again, we should make it if he moves his ass. * * * The meeting is eventful to say the least. His father makes a grand entrance halfway through and everyone clears the room quickly. The two Carrero men go at it like raging bulls as I stand outside, observing the many eyes watching them through the ss. I stand with my back to them, iPad in hand as I reply to emails and I can hear them arguing in Italian so that no one else can understand what they¡¯re saying. His father is pissed, but Jake is antagonizing him. I can tell by his tone of voice and a quick nce confirms it with his aggressive posture. He never knows when to stop. The merger could still be called off, he should be smoothing things over, not letting his feelings get the better of him. Finally, Senior storms out, yelling something in hostile Italian and Jake snorts in answer. Senior res back at him before stomping off with a flurry of nervous assistants running after him, without a backward nce, the air crackling with tension. ¡°Emma!¡± Jake¡¯s voice makes me jump. He sounds pissed and I snap around as he wanders out, loosening his tie; his eyes normally so still are stormy and dark and despite his controlled, cool tone, I can sense he¡¯s aggravated. ¡°The merger is going ahead.¡± He almost growls it at me, looking a tad ferocious. I swallow my nerves back down. ¡°He isn¡¯t stopping it?¡± I¡¯m surprised by this. ¡°He can¡¯t.¡± He frowns and takes my arm, pulling me back into the board room and slides the door closed. Holding me close to his face. Another example of his hands-on approach. ¡°It¡¯s gone public, just like I nned. If Hunter or my father back out now, it will damage both of their reputations. They both stand to make a lot of money and a lot of jobs ride on this merger. Hunter can¡¯t refuse, his business will go under if he does.¡± I realize that thest few weeks maneuvering this deal in certain ways, and letting certain facts leak, has been deliberate. Brain behind the brawn, and one of the reasons his father always pushed him to get involved in the family business. Funny that it¡¯s backfired on him. ¡°If he stands to gain from this, then why is he so angry?¡± I query. I know Giovanni Carrero values money above all things. ¡°He despises Carl Hunter, you know this.¡± He shrugs with one shoulder. Casting a look over my head and frowning at the meandering staff. ¡°Why did you choose to merger this deal if you knew it would be this way?¡± I¡¯ve been dying to ask him that question for weeks but never felt it was my ce to interrogate his decisions. Jake¡¯s expression closes, and he looks thoughtful. ¡°Let¡¯s go for food ¡­ I don¡¯t want to talk here.¡± He nces up and out one of the long windows again, as though insinuating he doesn¡¯t trust nearby ears. ¡°You just had lunch an hour ago, Jake,¡± I point out, but he shrugs in response and I know it doesn¡¯t matter. He has the appetite of a horse. The boy could eat all day and still find space for seconds. Chapter 16 Chapter 16 I¡¯m sitting across from Jake in Eleven Madison Park, a bustling popr restaurant, his current favorite ce to eat and watching him mess with his cell while we wait on our food. ¡°Jake?¡± I interrupt gently. ¡°Emma?¡± He responds without looking up. He¡¯s deliberately being evasive. ¡°The Hunter merger?¡± My curiosity has been niggling all the way here and I have been extremely patient. He sighs and looks down at his cell, puts it inside his jacket, bringing his steady green gaze back to me. His face unreadable. ¡°My father and Hunter are not what you would call the best of friends anymore,¡± he mumbles quietly. Sighing that he can¡¯t avoid this any longer. ¡°Anymore?¡± I repeat tly. ¡°Yes, Emma, anymore. They used to be as close as Daniel and I.¡± He leans back, sliding down into his chair a little and slides his feet to cage mine under the table on either side. Our upper ankles connecting slightly. Jake is a toucher; he always has to have some sort of contact it seems. It no longer bothers me given it was such a slow thing that I just got used to. ¡°What happened?¡± I watch his face carefully, he¡¯s good at giving nothing away, amazing poker face. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°My father had an affair with Elsa Hunter.¡± Daniel¡¯s mother, and Hunter¡¯s wife. Crap. I wasn¡¯t expecting that. Is that the basis of his bond with Daniel, shared anger at their parents? ¡°It¡¯s not exactlymon knowledge.¡± He sighs and moves his water ss; he needs a point of focus. I can tell this is something he hates talking about. Jake only fidgets when he¡¯s very ufortable and it¡¯s his biggest tell, watching items he moves around, as though for distraction. ¡°When?¡± I know I shouldn¡¯t pry, but Jake rarely denies me knowledge, on any subject. Weirdly. ¡°When I was in my early twenties ¡­ My mother forgave him, but I didn¡¯t, not for a long time ¡­ I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ve forgiven him, even now. He broke her heart.¡± Jake¡¯s rtionship with his mother is unparalleled. I can see why he harbors so much anger toward his father and I also see why Jake¡¯s a little apprehensive when ites to real rtionships. ¡°Is that why you pushed for this? ¡­ To get at him?¡± I nudge his ankle gently with mine, so he¡¯ll look at me. ¡°Yes ¡­ No ¡­ We stand to do well with this, but I guess it¡¯s always been a factor.¡± He shrugs and avoids my gaze, signaling that the money hasn¡¯t been the main reason. Jake¡¯s also a ¡°shrugger¡±; it has to be his mostmon mannerism, annoyingly so. It does, however, emphasize his shoulders and the sheer solid mass of them. ¡°How did you find out?¡± I try tearing my gaze from his upper body. Still appreciative that he looks good in everything he wears. ¡°Carl Hunter caught them in bed together, in his own house.¡± He¡¯s still focusing on his ss and turning it absent-mindedly. Clearly not happy. ¡°So, that¡¯s why there¡¯s a weird atmosphere when he¡¯s around?¡± I watch his every movement, a little empathetic to how young he looks when he does this. Makes so much more sense now. ¡°I don¡¯t think I can ever forgive him for hurting my mom like that. She deserves better than him.¡± I know Jake¡¯s close to his mother, he visits her often and he has me send her flowers every month. A dozen colorful Gerberas ¡­ her favorites. A thoughtful son. ¡°She stayed with him though? She could have left him if she wanted too.¡± I point out, a little enamored with how deeply he feels for his mother¡¯s heart ache. Sensitive and loyal. Who would have guessed it? ¡°You try leaving a publicly famous billionaire when he¡¯s been caught with his finger in someone else¡¯s pie, Bambino ¡­ She knew he would have caused chaos for her if she tried. It¡¯s one of the reasons I feel like I do about him. He¡¯s a fucking control freak and all about his reputation.¡± The sh of anger surprises me. Jake isn¡¯t one to lose his cool so easily, or publicly. He shifts in his chair, taking a deep breath and quells his outburst a little; his eyes are still stormy, but his awareness of the surroundings causes it to burn out quickly. ¡°He forced her to stay?¡± I understand why he feels that way. ¡°In a way, I feel he did.¡± He gazes across the restaurant as though trying to find his inner calm in the sea of strange faces around us. ¡°And now?¡± I urge. Coaxing him with no real input to give back. ¡°She¡¯s in her fifties, she¡¯s resigned herself to the fact she won¡¯t ever be able to find someone else and I guess she still has feelings for him. She¡¯s trapped in a loveless marriage.¡± He looks back at me, a small sardonic smile brewing. The hurt evident on his face and it makes me want to reach out and take his hand, but I hold back. ¡°A loveless marriage?¡± The thought is so sad, especially for someone as lovely as Sylvana Carrero. ¡°It¡¯s been loveless on his part for a long time, Emma. I think even before the affair there were cracks in the facade. My father married her after a one-month romance.¡± He finally stops looking around evasively, his eyesing to rest on my face. ¡°Do you think Elsa was the only affair?¡± I ask, wondering why he¡¯s telling me this now. ¡°Probably not, but it¡¯s the only one I found out about.¡± ¡°It exins why you¡¯re always so off with him. Your parents seem fine when I¡¯ve met them at events.¡± That is true; a beautiful woman and her adoring husband is what they excel at portraying in person. How odd that the truth is so very different. I know all about hiding true appearances. I am a master of deceit in my own right. ¡°A carefully yed ruse, Emma. My father is all about appearances, my mother knows her ce and how to y her part.¡± Jake looks angry again, but his demeanor is still cool and controlled, he moves his ss for the tenth time in a show of difort. ¡°Your behavior in your younger years? ¡­ Rebelling was payback?¡± This has interested me for a while, his teen wild days and then reform always seems at odds with how he is now. He shrugs and drinks his wine thoughtfully. ¡°Some ¡­ I had other reasons too.¡± He looks anywhere but me, and I can tell he¡¯s hiding something. Being evasive again. ¡°Such as?¡± I nudge again with a soft smile, not easily swayed. ¡°Italian blood.¡± He smiles cheekily, trying to pass off my question and I see it doesn¡¯t reach his eyes. It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever seen him truly avoidant when ites to our personal chats; normally he¡¯s so open with me about everything. I push down the tremor of doubt, my gut telling me that maybe I¡¯m over thinking it. Our steaks arrive, and we sit silently while the waitressys them out on our table. He gives her one of his seductive smiles and I watch her literally slump with desire. Jesus, you¡¯re being so obvious, it¡¯s actually pathetic woman! I frown across at him, a visual telling off. He likes to invoke the reaction for his own amusement, the eternal yboy with the childish temperament. He likes the effect he has on women of all ages. ¡°She may have trouble finishing her shift now,¡± I scold after she wanders away. ¡°Jealous?¡± He winks at me, but I just re at him coldly. No. Maybe? ¡°Your un-iling libido never fails to impress me,¡± I retort sarcastically. Ignoring how often it does annoy me. ¡°Least I have a sex life.¡± He takes a mouthful of food, giving me that teasing eyebrow lift of his. ¡°Meaning?¡± I pick up my fork and clean it on my napkin before I start with the sd, still watching him with a very serious expression. ¡°Meaning, I¡¯ve spent many intimate hours with you and am yet to see any form of date or fuck buddy keeping you cheerful.¡± He raises his eyebrows then digs into his food again. No shame in what he just said, and I swallow hard. ¡°I¡¯ve more important things to do and no desire to date or find a ¡°fuck buddy¡±.¡± I grimace at his term, throwing him a furrowed brow,pletely unamused. ¡°Might put a smile on your face.¡± He¡¯s grinning. I lift my chin towards him and throw on a mock smile, as widely as I can muster. Forced of course. ¡°There. See. No man needed,¡± I point out as heughs and shakes his head at me in amusement. ¡°Howe you never seem to date anyone? I mean you¡¯re not exactly unattractive, you could easily pull ¡­ I¡¯ve seen the way men check you out. Are you holding out for me to hang up my yboy hat and settle down?¡± He chuckles. The thought makes me feel odd inside, but I remain impassive. Chapter 17 Chapter 17 ¡°I¡¯ve more than enough testosterone to deal with, having you glued to my hip on a daily basis, Carrero. And no. I don¡¯t ever see you taking that hat off and being happy with only one woman to keep your interest.¡± I¡¯m trying to keep my focus on my food as my cheeks warm up, I¡¯m notfortable with this ever-probing fascination with myck of boyfriend. It makes me squirm in my seat. ¡°Emma?¡± he looks at me pointedly, that hint of seriousing through the boyish charm. ¡°Even women have needs.¡± Do they? I think sourly. I¡¯m pretty sure I¡¯ve never needed to go there. I tried it when I was young; non-serious boyfriends and the pressure of other kids doing it. I didn¡¯t like it much and it only left a nasty taste in my mouth. ¡°You would know, of course, being one hundred percent hot-blooded male.¡± Iugh at him, raising a brow at the man who is as far from feminine as any guy can get. ¡°I go to bed with enough women to know it¡¯s not only men who crave sex. There¡¯s no way you can tell me you don¡¯t get the raging horn, at all?¡± He¡¯s a little too focused on me now and looking all too invested in this. ¡°Jake, can we talk about something else? I don¡¯t think I want to talk about sex with my boss over lunch.¡± An anxious knot has moved up into my stomach at the topic of conversation making me ufortable, like I always am when any conversation is turned on me and my life. Something he often does. He has no sense of boundaries. ¡°Do you need me to set you up? Are you secretly man shy? Or maybe I should show you what a real man feels like.¡± He winks at me and I just roll my eyes, suppressing a smile at his humor. ¡°Like I would ever trust your choice of men ¡­ Or you! ¡­ The Daniel Hunters of this world don¡¯t do a thing for me.¡± I smile sweetly. That¡¯s an understatement. ¡°So, what is your type of man?¡± he asks curiously, focusing on me instead of his food now. I throw him a dark look, indicating that I really mean we are done with this topic. My type? Far, far, away from me. ¡°Okay, okay ¡­ Are you going home to visit your mom anytime soon?¡± he pushes in a new direction instead, but I just drop my fork, mood dying, and temper punching me in the stomach. For god¡¯s sake. ¡°This again?¡± I snap and shake my head at him, irritated, being too sharp with him in reaction. ¡°Don¡¯t roll your eyes and wave your hands at me!¡± He shoves my foot with his under the table, and I kick him back, a light satisfied smirk crossing my mouth as he grimaces with a re. Relieving me of my temper a little. ¡°Why do you always bring her up?¡± I use. Pissed that he does this ¨C a lot. ¡°Because I find it weird that you never go home to see her, Emma ¡­ She¡¯s your mother, and Chicago is two hours on a ne. It¡¯s hardly on the other side of the world. You know you can use the jet whenever you need it.¡± He¡¯s frowning at me, all green eyes and stiff, squared jaw, looking wounded at my anger over this. Reverting to child. ¡°I don¡¯t need to run home and see ¡®Mommy¡¯, Jake. I¡¯m a big girl with my own life.¡± I scold. I hate that he always presses me about this at every opportunity. ¡°I go see my ¡®Mommy¡¯ every couple of weeks ¡­ She gave birth to me and raised me. I can¡¯t imagine going five years without one trip home ¡­ it¡¯s odd.¡± He narrows his brows at me, and that green gaze just prates mine. ¡°It¡¯s not like she hasn¡¯te here to New York. I don¡¯t need to go home.¡± My food isn¡¯t satisfying me like it normally does, and I realize the conversation is souring the taste. I put down my napkin too now I¡¯ve lost my appetite. ¡°You grew up there ¡­ Don¡¯t you miss it?¡± he¡¯s still eating and trying toe across as non-intrusive, but I¡¯m not fooled. Jake is one of the most intrusive people I¡¯ve ever known; he has a severe craving to pry into my life every day and he is as subtle as a bull. ¡°No,¡± I snap. Finally letting the irritation rule and losing my cool with him properly. ¡°Did you leave for a reason, and that¡¯s why you get so pissed about this?¡± My eyes sh up as though he¡¯s struck me, but I quickly look back down. I won¡¯t have this conversation; he needs to leave it alone and know when he¡¯s crossing the line¡ªagain. I¡¯m tired of this. ¡°Drop it,¡± I say quietly, the rush of emotion running through me, dampening all of the happy I had on arriving here. It¡¯s not a good feeling. ¡°You never talk about you, Emma ¡­ You know everything about me,¡± he almost pleads but it falls on deaf ears. ¡°I never knew your father had an affair before now!¡± I snap, a little more harshly this time, looking at him usingly and hoping to push this away. ¡°But you do know now.¡± He sulks a little, his green eyes narrowing under furrowed brows. Little boy scoldedes to mind and equally as stubborn as me. Sometimes we bicker, it usually goes a lot like this and usually for simr topics. I sigh heavily, annoyed, at well, everything. Guilty at making him like this and regretting my harsh tone immensely. Jake makes me feel bad so easily. ¡°I¡¯m sure there are things you haven¡¯t told me, Jake ¡­ Everyone is entitled to privacy.¡± I remember the fleeting look earlier in our conversation and see it reflected in his eyes once more. Something is there after all. It seems to cause him to back off, thankfully. Realizing he has secrets too. ¡°Fine ¡­ But it¡¯s just weird.¡± He dips his eyes down at his te, definite sulk face on. I cannot help the tug of affection that softens my whole attitude. Man-child returns. ¡°You are the king of weird, you attract massive amounts of weird, so you have a cheek.¡± I try a friendlier tone, efforts to bring humor back into the conversation. I hate when we bicker and argue over pointless things and as his frown smooths out to be reced with a growing warmth, he knows what I¡¯m hinting at. ¡°You¡¯re talking about that freaky Lisa?¡± he smiles slightly, mood dispersing too. Such is our way. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. Yes, he got my hint. There hasn¡¯t been weirder than that. ¡°You didn¡¯t say no to her weird fetishes ¡­ You asked your PA to research them.¡± I narrow my eyes usingly but can¡¯t help the giggle that springs from my throat. Mood lifted, and irritation gone, just like that, like always. We recover quickly, effortlessly. Heughs too. ¡°I didn¡¯t actually partake, Emma, I just didn¡¯t think she was being serious ¡­ I thought I was missing some joke.¡± He smiles, his natural cute Jake smile, and it makes me smile too. d that he is once again his normal, infuriatingly smug, and cheeky self once more. Bickering over. ¡°You called me at four in the morning to ask me if diapers would turn me on.¡± I reminisce while chuckling, remembering the shock that had run over me when I had been rudely awakened with that drunken question. ¡°I needed another female perspective. A normal female perspective. She scared the shit out of me.¡± He flinches at the memory which only makes me grin all the more. ¡°How do you think I felt ¡­ I got a wakeup call from my drunk boss asking me about weird crap to do with adult babying fetishes, and diapers.¡± I remind him. Raising my brow and fixing him with an usatory look. ¡°You were very cool on the cell ¡­ Efficient as ever ¡­ Serious about the whole thing. I think it was the first time I figured you and I were going to be best friends.¡± He¡¯sughing at the memory as my heart ups it¡¯s beat on the best friendment and warms slightly. He has said something simr several times before. I guess the feeling¡¯s mutual. I never really thought about Jake and I being real friends before this promotion progressed, but I guess we are. I remember that night well, I had tried to gauge his seriousness and even attempted a rational factual conversation while skimming Google for answers. Cringing the whole time and wondering what the hell he was on. I shake my head, grinning too. ¡°Only you could pull the freaky one in a nightclub full of normal women, Jake.¡± I point out, rxing once more. ¡°She ended up going home with Daniel and he still doesn¡¯t mention it.¡± I burst outughing, unguarded and heartfelt, and that does make me feel better. Daniel still gives me the creeps and the thought of him tied up in a baby¡¯s crib with some strange diaper wearing crazy makes meugh. Jake is chuckling too. He leans over, topping up my now empty wine ss; we¡¯re only halfway through our food and I haven¡¯t noticed how much I¡¯ve drunk already. His bad influence on me has turned me into a wine with food type of person. He always orders by the bottle wherever we go to eat. I never drunk much before Jake. Chapter 18 Chapter 18 I pick up my fork, starting to eat again now that my temper has improved along with my appetite. Feeling light and merry now, and ravenous once more. ¡°I like you when you¡¯re like this.¡± He nods over at me, a happy expression on his face, eyes almost twinkling. ¡°Like what?¡± I look up innocently, the steak is so tender that I¡¯m now savoring every mouthful. Appetite fully restored. ¡°More rxed. PA mode on hiatus. When you forget to y cool.¡± It sobers me slightly, he has a way of making me forget myself when we are kicking back and much like now, it startles me. I don¡¯t like letting that mask drop, I don¡¯t like people seeing too deeply. Especially not him. ¡°It¡¯s hard to focus when you ply me with alcohol,¡± I return a little too quickly, trying to reel in my controlled facade once again, pushing the ss away from my te. That¡¯s enough wine. ¡°Maybe that¡¯s why I do it.¡± He smiles softly, but it makes me suddenly ufortable. I ram food into my mouth and stare across the restaurant, looking for a diverting topic. I gesture toward the far window with my fork, and he turns to look at what I¡¯m pointing at spotting the movie star too, he looks back at me shrugging. ¡°He¡¯s an asshole ¡­ I¡¯ve met him. He¡¯s a bit of a diva, and I mean look at him; he¡¯s wearing a god-damn flower brooch ¡­ If that doesn¡¯t scream closet gay, then I don¡¯t know what does.¡± He shrugs nonchntly, but for some reason this makes meugh unexpectedly and causes me to choke on my half-chewed steak. I erupt into a coughing fit which has me grabbing for my wine, in an effort to dislodge the lump in my throat before I die. ¡°Jesus, Emma, don¡¯t have a coronary over seeing some asshole Hollywood big shot.¡± He¡¯sughing at me now and I throw him a pained look. I gasp for air, thumping my chest to push my steak down and inhaling heavily. ¡°Fuck you.¡± I manage weakly, with a smile. ¡°Swearing at your boss is good grounds for dismissal ¡­ gross misconduct.¡± He jokes and tops up my ss again with a wink, highlighting the fact I just drank it all without meaning to. ¡°So, fire me.¡± I throw back, slugging down my red wine and finally clearing the food that is still caught in my throat and intent on half killing me. Not caring about intake while choking. ¡°Can¡¯t fire my future wife!¡± he acts shocked and grasps his chest in a mock horror response before he chucks his fork down on his te, also finished with his food. I ignore the wifement, another frequent joke he makes. ¡°Dessert?¡± He gestures at me with a questioning brow. I shake my head; I¡¯ve drunk too much wine, feeling a little tipsy now and I need to get out of here. I need coffee. ¡°Back to the grind, Be.¡± He offers me his hand as I get up, chucking my napkin on the empty te. I take it without hesitation and let him pull me with him, then immediately wonder when this stopped being weird. When we started holding hands casually. How many times have I let Jake touch me without repulsion coursing through me? Or questioning it? I walk behind him contemting this fact, staring at our loosely held fingers. It¡¯s be something as familiar as being around him now. Maybe it is just the nature of our rtionship ¡­ tonic and safe. We are real friends. The jokes about sex, the best friendments, and wife vibes are frequent, but I know it is all y. Jake is never anything but aplete gentleman, well, minus the man handling, but even that is not so bad. I¡¯ve never had a tonic rtionship with men of any age, and it makes me feel slightly strange now that I¡¯m examining it. * * * The afternoon is chaotic. For the first time, I¡¯m d of my assistant, Rosalie¡¯s, lingering presence; it feels like I don¡¯t get a second to think. Jake¡¯s in his office with just as much going on as me; I¡¯ve walked in there a dozen times with files and notes and each time he seems to be shedding clothes. He¡¯s now sitting with his shirt pulled out, unbuttoned at the cor and his sleeves rolled up. His normally styled hair is ruffled, messy, and his tie and jacket are strewn across his couch. His shoes are lying in the middle of the floor, a sure sign he¡¯s stressed. I pick up his tie and jacket and hang them neatly on the hooks behind his door, shuffling his shoes to under the edge of his desk with the toes of my stilettos. I move all the papers from the left side he¡¯s been through and pile them neatly into an open box file, beforeying out some stapled contracts he needs to sign to send down to legal. He smiles up at me briefly, leaning back so I can move the papers in front of him, before setting to sign them while propping his cell to his ear. I move around inpanionable silence, straightening and removing things from his workspace so he can take the new ones. Noting he¡¯s done with the Hunter briefs; I scoop them up to take them. We have gelled this way for a while now, anticipating each other¡¯s movements silently, and wordlessly working around one another. It¡¯s something that just happened organically over the weeks. ¡°Emma?¡± he pauses on the cell, throwing me a soft look. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°Organize a flight to Seattle for tomorrow, early as you can. We¡¯ll need hotel rooms for the next five days and a car.¡± He moves his cell into his neck some more and keeps signing papers. ¡°Yes, Mr. Carrero.¡± I always use his title when we¡¯re in front ofpany, or he¡¯s on the phone. Another trip! I sigh. We haven¡¯t been back from London that long, and Jake was right; hotels no longer did it for me, even five-star suites. It¡¯s just another few days getting tired from jetg and a week of grueling work with men in suits who look at me like I am worthless. We have taken so many trips already that it feels like second nature to me now. The novelty has well and truly worn off. Margo was right. * * * It¡¯s been two hours watching him through the ss panels in the boardroom as I sit in a temporary office. So far, I¡¯ve been in there several times with files, coffee, and whatever else he asks of me. I¡¯m not needed right now, so I¡¯m sitting in the next room waiting for the nextmand via text. I¡¯m as fed up as he looks. Myptop is keeping my focus; if this meeting runs over any longer then it¡¯s going to be ate night and we have flights to catch in the morning. I have an hour on the subway to get home to Sunnyside as it is after this so I can pack. I watch him lift his cell from the table in front of him and start touching the screen with a hint of amusement on his face, I wonder what he¡¯s up to. A secondter my own cell buzzes and I pick it up, seeing the email notification from Jake. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. Frowning, confused, I open the email and find he has gifted me a song. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. ¡°Rescue Me¡± by The Raffetillies. I stifle a giggle and shake my head, looking up through the ss and catching his quick eyebrow raise before he turns his attention back to the meeting at hand. Biting my lip, I scroll iTunes for a suitable title and purchase a gift in return. I send it to him and wait to see if he will read it. ¡°Cry Baby¡± by Mnie Martinez. I wait, watching for his reaction and hold my breath while smirking as he pulls his cell over and slides the screen. A couple of presses, then he lets out augh and tries to cover with a cough. I catch a couple of the stuffed shirts look up disapprovingly, but they say nothing, and the meeting continues. Jake throws me a wink with a small shake of his head. Very amused. Back at you, Carrero. Not so funny now, are you? I smile to myself, satisfied with our little joke. * * * Finally, the men all shuffle out of the boardroom as I stand dutifully by, politely saying farewells like a good little PA. Thank god. Jake emerges with a smile on his face and immediately pulls me to one side. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°Effective form ofmunication ¡­ Music.¡± He grins at me, looking as gorgeous as he always does, if not a little tired with dark shadows under his eyes. ¡°I can see this being abused by you, now you¡¯ve found something else that you think is clever and amusing.¡± I smile with a slight groan at the twinkle in his eye and can already predict this will be frequent. ¡°Say it with song titles ¡­ They do say music can speak volumes.¡± He winks, resting his arm on the door jamb over my head, so he¡¯s leaning into me extremely close and smelling a little too divine. Citrus and jake ¨C a perfectbo. I¡¯m aware of the odd nces a couple of passing assistants throw our way and try to press myself back a little, to make it look less intimate. ¡°Hmmm.¡± I look down at the time and point out that we should head home, ufortable with the attention he¡¯s drawing. After all we have a flight to Seattle to get on tomorrow and I don¡¯t want to fuel gossip. Chapter 19 Chapter 19 Seattle is miserable. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. It¡¯s rainy and cold and the meetings drag endlessly, another boring board of directors, and another boring meaningless round of chatter. Something I learned working in my new role is how much businessmen like to set up meetings to discuss nothing much at all and will take several sessions to conclude on something minor. The hotel is like every other we have stayed in and as usual we have a penthouse suite. Grand, opulent, and modern. Jake insists that when we travel, we have rooms in the same suite, so I can be at his beck and call as we usually workte from them. I spent the best part ofst night having him dictate memos and running through his schedules and itinerary before he made me get up at the crack of dawn to jog with him in the rain. Jake likes conversation when he runs, so whenever we leave home and his trainer behind, he harasses me into it. I have never jogged so much in my life until I started living with this man. I¡¯m tired by the time we get back to the hotel, it¡¯s been a long day and I¡¯m none too pleased, when upon arrival, we¡¯re met in the foyer by a familiar looking red head. I inwardly groan. Felicity Crane! This is the one with a voice like razor des and I have a headacheing on. She¡¯s also a screamer and the reason I carry headphones and an iPod when I have to live in the same suite as Casanova Carrero. I am instantly deted. I give him a withering look and catch his smirk; he knows how much I love Felicity. She¡¯s been on his date list for a few weeks with sporadic hook ups, because she understands the meaning of casual sex! Seattle is her home base, although she travels a lot and meets us in random cities. ¡°Miss Crane.¡± I smile tightly and try to look elsewhere as she embraces Jake eagerly, with loud wet kisses on his cheek. Gross. Have some ss for god¡¯s sake. ¡°Oh, Jake, you look so hot in this suit, so very businessman of the year.¡± She whines in that painful voice. I try to numb out the clingy baby tones as we hit the elevator. Like nails down a chalkboard. ¡°You look nice, Felicity ¡­ New hair?¡± Jake, as observant as ever, although he only noticed because I pointed at her hair with scissor motions as soon as her back was turned. ¡°Oh, Jake, you noticed.¡± I can hear her beam and I shake my head at him and turn away. Even though I¡¯m standing with my back to them I know she¡¯s probably curled around him possessively, like an octopus and eyeroll. I don¡¯t get what he sees in half the bimbos he dates. He¡¯s not a stupid guy so he can¡¯t get any enjoyment out of conversation with the brain dead. I guess it¡¯s not the conversation he¡¯s interested in, as I turn slightly and eye up the endless legs and tight ass of Miss. Crane. His woman all fit the same standard: gorgeous, tight bodied, and dumb. My cell vibrates in my pocket and I look down to retrieve it absentmindedly. ¡°Emma Anderson,¡± I answer, not recognizing the number and d for the distraction from the smoochy woman molesting my boss behind me. ¡°Emma?¡± It¡¯s a male voice, one I vaguely recognize, something gnawing at me in the back of my mind as I screw my eyes up and try to ce him. ¡°Yes, this is Emma.¡± My curiosity evident, I sense Jakes eyes honing in on me with interest, his probing gaze, because normally all calls rte to him in some way, and the fact that he is also a nosy git. Being a nosy shit, he probably thinks I have finally found a date. Felicity is babbling on incoherently right behind me and it¡¯s distracting as I¡¯m trying to listen to the hoarse voice on the other end, who is mumbling annoyingly. I have to plug my other ear to hear what he is saying. ¡°Emma, I wasn¡¯t sure if you would talk to me ¡­ It¡¯s been a long time ¡­ Emma it¡¯s your father, Frank Roberts.¡± The faceless voice slurs and my blood freezes in my veins, the warmth drains from my face, inhaling fast and I¡¯m at a loss for words as I zone out whatever else he is saying. The suffocating sensation in my lungs momentarily knocks me for six but I push it down harshly and find some resolve to answer. ¡°What do you want?¡± my voice sounds alien to me as I regain myposure, cutting off his babble. I sound as shocked as I feel and know that Jake will notice it too. A tremor of teen Emma slipping out. ¡°Emma, I just want to talk ¡­ I want to meet up and maybe if you give me a chance ¡­¡± His voice is weak and gnarly, it causes a creeping bile in my stomach to rise and an anger to swirl viciously from the depths. ¡°We have nothing to talk about ¡­ Leave me alone.¡± I snap aggressively and disconnect the call, my hand trembling as I fumble with it, trying to switch it off. Jake¡¯s hand is on my arm in a heartbeat, trying to turn me, but I stiffen to stop him. Not able to look at him while feeling this prickly. ¡°Emma are you okay?¡± he sounds concerned as my cell vibrates again before I manage to turn it off; it¡¯s the same number. I nch at the screen then reject it, this time managing to switch the cell to mute and shove it deep into my bag. I am ovee with emotion, and I don¡¯t want to be closed in this elevator with Jake and Felicity the ¡°Crone¡± anymore. I can hear Jake asking me what¡¯s wrong again but I¡¯m fighting to get my head calm and straight before I can answer. I¡¯m shaken. ¡°Emma?¡± his voice is intent. He pulls me back against him, his hard chest against my back, his face coming around the side of mine to see me. I block him out, trying to get a hold on selfposed Emma before I can say a word. Deep breath. Steady, calm,posed. The closing walls begin to move back out and I calm myself, pushing out of his embrace and against the elevator door with a palm to steady myself. ¡°I¡¯m okay ¡­ Really!¡± I give him a quick nce back and a tight smile, but his expression stays the same. He looks worried and only frowns at my reply. Felicity watching us silently. Suspiciously. Yes, Felicity. My boss often manhandles me, it doesn¡¯t scream affair! He knows nothing of my father, he¡¯s never broached the subject. Not that I would ever volunteer the information if he did. ¡°You want me to send Felicity home?¡± he says it right in front of her and I catch her small intake of breath, followed by the indignation in her voice. ¡°No!¡± we retort in unison. I don¡¯t want this kind of awkwardness. I feign a smile and give him a reassuring look as we stop at our floor. ¡°It¡¯s fine ¡­ it¡¯s nothing.¡± I warn, impressed with how quickly I¡¯ve managed to sound bright and normal. All those years of hiding finally paying off. I head to the door of our suite and let us in with my swipe card knowing his eyes are on me; I can feel it. Felicity is for once, silent, and I think she senses the oddness of the atmosphere. ¡°I¡¯m going to bed. I¡¯m tired, I¡¯ll grab a shower and a light snack and hit the sheets.¡± I need to get away from his probing eyes because I know he will start to question me, and we¡¯ll only end up quarreling about this. ¡°You don¡¯t want toe for dinner?¡± he sounds odd, tense; watching me intensely. ¡°No, I want to just stay here.¡± I sound normal despite the hammering inside my chest and the tremble in my fingers. Ever grateful for years of perfecting this. My whole body just feels weak and surreal and I¡¯m lightheaded. ¡°You want me to order you some dinner to the room?¡± The look of concern is still crossing his face and it endears me to him for a moment. Guilty that I¡¯m mming up, but I can¡¯t help it, it¡¯s who I am. ¡°Why, Mr. Carrero!¡± I smile at him, hoping to look amused. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you knew how to do such things.¡± I purr demurely, and he smiles back, rxing a little. Finally, that look in his eye dissipating, mission aplished. I¡¯ve always been good at quick recoveries, no matter how bad the shock; the mask is back on and he¡¯s none the wiser. ¡°You would be surprised at my capabilities, Emma. Maybe some time you¡¯ll let me show you the extent of them.¡± He¡¯s still eyeing me, only this time with that cheeky glint and I try a more genuine smile and shake my head. It¡¯s always sex with him. ¡°Do you want me to order food?¡± he asks again insistently. Serious tone back on. ¡°No, Jake. I can order food, go have fun.¡± I head towards my room in the suite now and throw my coat and bag over the nearest chair. I just want him to leave so I can sit down and process what just happened, alone. I need to think about what I¡¯m going to do if Frank Roberts continues to pursue me. He can go crawl back to his hole and die for all I care. Chapter 20 Chapter 20 Felicity makes a beeline for his room with her overnight bag, eyeing us weirdly, but he makes no attempt to follow. As she disappears his expression changes back to full blown frown mode. ¡°Who was it?¡± serious, no-nonsense boss tone. Ughhhh! I should have known better ¡­ He¡¯s hard to palm off even on a good day. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. God dammit, Jake. I turn away breezily, I know he won¡¯t let up ¡­ he¡¯ll cancel dinner and stay here if I say nothing. There¡¯s no point being evasive when he has that look on his face, so I resign myself to caving. ¡°My sperm donor.¡± I wave an airy hand as though I¡¯m saying something non-important, but I can already feel the tension in my face. I¡¯m d I¡¯m looking toward the open door of my room away from him and pull out my cell to cradle in the charging dock on the table beside it. ¡°Your father?¡± he sounds surprised. You and me both. ¡°Yep.¡± I look around quickly for a distraction, so I don¡¯t need to turn and look at him. I spot his personal tablet on the table nearby and lift it to scroll iTunes, to turn on music. It¡¯s the best I can muster when he¡¯s moved so close. ¡°You¡¯ve never mentioned a father.¡± His tone is serious and gentle, body a little too close forfort. ¡°I don¡¯t have need to. There¡¯s nothing to mention ¡­ I don¡¯t know him.¡± ¡°So, why is he calling? It didn¡¯t sound like nothing, Emma. You definitely didn¡¯t sound happy.¡± He¡¯s moved closer to me, invaded by his body heat emanating against my spine. So close he is touching me. ¡°I got a shock okay ¡­ I¡¯ve met him once in my life and it was brief. I don¡¯t know why he¡¯s calling.¡± I lie. I have a good idea why he¡¯s calling now, it¡¯s no surprise. He did this once before, a brief meeting at fourteen when he thought my mother had struck gold. A simple picture in the paper about the ¡°feed the homeless¡± charity she runs but he¡¯d been disappointed to find that she was as penniless as the charity itself. Sadly sure, that she would be swathed in dors, and able to help him out with a few hundred to tide him by. Here he is now, after I have been photographed more than a dozen times in the presence of a rich Carrero ¡­ New York¡¯s royalty. Figures. He thinks I¡¯m loaded and dating Prince Carrero. ¡°Talk to me, Emma.¡± He¡¯s standing so close to me that I¡¯m tickled by his breath against my hair. I move away quickly, tense, and jumpy; I need head space and solitude. Not probing Jake. ¡°Go. I really am itching to get in that power shower and let my hair down,¡± I flutter sweetly, moving further from him to give myself some much-needed distance, and finally managing to look at him. His look darkens, and he presses his lips together. I know he¡¯s contemting pushing me further. I know that look. He seems to think better of it and the frown on his brow lets up as though the thoughts have floated away on the breeze. He doesn¡¯t want to argue either. ¡°Want me to help take your hair down?¡± he winks and there it is, back in full swing, that cheeky Carrero grin and amusement in his eye. I inwardly rx. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure I could sue you for such suggestions, boss!¡± I throw with a half-smile. ¡°It¡¯s only harassment if you don¡¯t like it, Bambino.¡± He grins as he moves close to me again, fingers twitching at me as though making threats. I swat him away, he¡¯s not against threats of tickle torture in times of need. Not that he does it. I just need them to leave. I hate feeling vulnerable in front of anyone, especially him. I need to be alone. ¡°Your ego is never shy, is it?¡± He doesn¡¯t answer, just steps forward quickly and shoves me into my room so that I almost lose my bnce and heughs at my angry scowl. Turns on his heel and walks away. ¡°Asshole.¡± I yell after him with a smirk. He turns and blows me a kiss and a wave before walking across the suite to his own room and I¡¯m relieved. I fooled him well enough; they¡¯ll go to dinner now and he probably won¡¯t remember anything about itter. I hope he won¡¯t, I don¡¯t want to talk about this, not with him, not with anyone. I want to ignore it. I watch him walk into the room with Felicity before I shut my door quickly. Leaning back against it for a moment to steady my nerves and reel a little from shock, I exhale slowly. Who the hell did he think he was, calling me after all this time? I stifle the lump of emotion caught in my throat and shake it off. I won¡¯t sumb to tears over that scum bag, he deserves none of my tears, nor my time. * * * My shower is hot, steamy, and satisfying. Ie out flushed and breathless and figure I maybe should have gone easy on the temperature gauge. My head¡¯s swimming a little, and I¡¯m still feeling fragile. I haul on my nightdress and robe to try and cool off, pad out into the empty room, and instantly know that I¡¯m alone. I had been in the shower an hour and they must have left for dinner. It feels good to be able to chill out and have some alone time though. I mulled over the call enough in the shower and I¡¯m tired of thinking about it. I¡¯ll have to screen my calls from now on, maybe change my number. I¡¯ll need to call my mother; I have an inkling that she was behind him getting it and it pisses me off immensely. Always a sucker for a goddamn sob story. She needs to get a grip. I have been in the social pages a lot over thest few weeks on Jake¡¯s arm at various functions. I guess he figures I¡¯ve hit a goldmine and wants to see what he can get out of me. I push the bile down in my throat bitterly as I think about the fact that all I am to him is a meal ticket. Heart aching with the reality of it. He¡¯s a prick. A money grabbing asshole. He¡¯s never wanted any part of my life, except when he thought my mother could throw some cash his way and now, here he is again. Sleazing his way out of his dark hole once more. I¡¯m not my mother, I¡¯m not some sap who can be pulled around by a garbled confession, asking to get back in my life. I pace to the bar in the corner and m my hands on the counter, that old familiar rage in me creeping out, teen Emma¡¯s rage. I hate him for that, hate him for making that part of me resurface. A part of me I try so hard to quell. I reach out to the crystal decanters and pour myself arge brandy. I¡¯m not one for hard liquor but I need to quell all these emotions funneling up my throat. I need to get back in control. Rx a little. * * * I don¡¯t know how many brandies I drink, but the hotel floor gets reallyfy and plush. It feels a little warm and I¡¯m enjoying the soothing musicing from the surround sound. Jake¡¯s ylist is on repeat, he has an eclectic taste in music, but I like it; every song makes me think of him and I wish he was here on the floor beside me, enjoying this feeling. If I don¡¯t move my head doesn¡¯t swim too much but it feels kind of nice, like lying on a Lilo on the sea and drifting away into oblivion. I like the way my hair fans out and I can stroke its silkiness, mingled with fluffy floor, heightening my woozy senses. I never realized how soft my hair was before now, I should leave it loose more often. The ceiling looks amazing from down here too, smooth like whipped cream that¡¯s been spread out over an expensive cake. I am distracted by the distant noise above my head and feete into view as I tilt back to see, upside down. Tall ck stilettos on gazelle like legs, followed by ck tailored pants over expensive shoes. Even his shoes and legs are screwable! They have returned! I giggle naughtily at being caught in such apromising way. I wonder what they will make of drunk Emmaying sprawled on the floor. I find it highly amusing in my current state, and really have no cares about it at all. It¡¯s semi-dark with only the lights on dim and I can see they¡¯re walking toward me, maybe they can¡¯t see me. I chuckle again with mischief and pretend to be invisible. If I close my eyes, I¡¯m sure they will go right on by, maybe they might even walk over me. Chapter 21 Chapter 21 ¡°Emma?¡± his deep tone catches my attention. ¡°Jake.¡± I smile, opening my eyes again in a fluttery devilish way. Oops, busted. He found me. ¡°Emma are you drunk?¡± his voice sounds husky with amusement and Iugh in answer as he moves toward me, stands over me looking down. Oh boy, is it a breathtaking view! His tie is off and draped casually round his shoulders, his white shirt open at the cor, his jacket discarded somewhere already. Why did I never notice just how fuckable my boss is? I hup, and it feels funny in my throat, sounds so weird to me that it makes me giggle again. I like being drunk, I¡¯m lighter and more fun; it makes me think Jake is sex worthy and that¡¯s pretty hrious. I don¡¯t find men a turn on at all, so that¡¯s even funnier ¡­ Well, except Jake! He¡¯s the exception to the rule in that everything he does is panty warming and alluring, even standing staring at me as he is now. I¡¯m hit with a strange sound. It¡¯s me. I¡¯mughing; I guess I find myself amusing and I sound so detached and not here. I must be really drunk. ¡°Emma, I think you better get in bed. Come on.¡± He leans down to catch my hand from across my stomach, but I leave it floppy and weighted, so he gets nowhere pulling at it. I don¡¯t want to hold hands today, Carrero. You¡¯re looking a tad too Casanova tonight. When he picks it up again, he tugs, but I refuse to cooperate. Deliberately going limp and weighing myself down. Nope, I¡¯m not going to hold hands with my hot boss while he¡¯s swooning around looking all sexy on me. I giggle again. Too heavy and toofy to move. I want to sleep on my fluffy floor. It¡¯s nice here. It feels good. ¡°Wan sssstay right here,¡± I slur, I can hear it now and it amuses me even more. I¡¯ve never heard myself slur before, never allowed myself to drink to the point of slurring. I spot my hand held in front of me and prod dementedly at the air as if I¡¯m trying to make a point, fascinated at the uncoordinated motion of my own limb as it waves above me. Everything feels dreamlike and warm and these are someone else¡¯s hands. He frowns at me and I have the urge to poke him between the eyebrows. They are too even and straight to be real. ¡°You prefer the hotel rug to a bed?¡± he can¡¯t speak without smiling, so I guess he is finding me entertaining this way. He has a beautiful smile. No! A gorgeous smile! ¡°Hmmm mmm hmmmm.¡± That was almost an answer, I think. God, why did I drink so much brandy? Everything is swaying and soft. If I close my eyes, maybe I¡¯ll hear something soothing like the ocean, like I¡¯m on the ocean. Oh, yeah, the sperm donor and all those tidal waves of emotions I was trying to drown. ¡°Right, that¡¯s it.¡± He scoops down and slips his hands under me, hoists me up effortlessly as though I weigh nothing. I¡¯m too drunk to fight, or squeal, and I¡¯m being carried like a baby towards my room. Freaky Lisaes to mind, and I wonder if this is part of her fetish fancies, it makes me giggle some more. God, I feel amazing; why can¡¯t I always feel like this? ¡°No! Don¡¯t want to go to bed.¡± I sound petnt, like a child, and start struggling. If I go to bed, I¡¯ll stop feeling this way. I may lose this warm feeling and nk mind euphoria; I may start fixating on shitty fathers who abandon their kids in infancy. Pricks who only see dor signs instead of the damage they have caused. ¡°Emma, hold still.¡± He fusses, struggling to hold me. ¡°No. Nope, nope.¡± I shake my head and he finally stops and puts my writhing body on my own bare feet outside my door before he drops me, but upright isn¡¯t good. It really disorientates me as everything sways. I giggle then have the overwhelming urge to ¡°Shhh¡± him. Which I do with a grand finger gesture on my lips. He talks too much. He stifles augh, and it sounds good; looks even better. I like Jake¡¯sugh, it¡¯s so free and boyish, uplicated and deep. Like him. I could listen to hisugh for an eternity, it always makes me feel like smiling too. He frowns at me, but I know it¡¯s not a real frown, it¡¯s an, ¡°I think you¡¯re a funny drunk,¡± frown and it makes him cuter. Is my boss cute? I guess he can be when he looks like that. God, that makes me feel sad. Why does he have to be so cute? ¡°Emma? What is it?¡± he frowns at me some more, moving close; I guess my sad face is on show. I poke his dimple gently with my fingertip as if to eradicate the object of my sadness and the frown on my face turns to gentle usation. ¡°Why do you have to be soooo ¡­?¡± my fingers wave and I notice there¡¯s a shiny sparkly thing on the table behind him. I always liked sparkly things as a child; I want to y with it. It looks like my cell and it¡¯s all lit up and memorizing, I¡¯m like a magpie to a pretty sparkle and detour to bypass him. ¡°So? ¡­ What?¡± he tries to pull me back to him as I attempt a grab at the object of my interest on the unit. His arms loosely around me, his upper body tilted back so he can look down at me. It¡¯s hard to walk in a straight line and harder to control my limbs when a strong pair of arms are hauling you back. ¡°Sooo ¡­ What are you talking about?¡± I turn back at him confused, my head slightly spinning and I¡¯ve no idea what he said. I nce back at sparkly and see it¡¯s just my cell that I¡¯m trying to catch and lose interest immediately. It¡¯s no longer lit up. ¡°Emma, I¡¯ve never seen you stered. You just decided to have yourself a one women party on the floor, without me?¡± he¡¯s still smiling and regarding me affectionately. I love Jake¡¯s smile ¡­ It makes me sigh and go all warm and gooey. I ¡°Shhh¡± him again, except this time it¡¯s his mouth I cover with syed palms. His lips are soft and tickly under my hands. If I cut off the sexy voice, and adorable smile that goes with the cute look, then I can forget how screwable my boss is. I look around, seeing the cell again and I remember who called. ¡°My father called me you know?¡± I point out childishly. Yes, he did, that sad excuse of a human being dialed my number and connected to my cell. Asshole, scumbag! ¡°I¡¯m aware of that, Emma ¡­ Do you want to talk about it? Is that why you got drunk?¡± Jake holds me against him, leaning back to see my face again; I tilt up, liking what I see once more. You¡¯re my dreamy boss. I like you. ¡°No ¡­ Yes ¡­ No ¡­ Who?¡± I forget the question while trying to give an answer, and he shakes his head at me. I¡¯m perplexed, but I don¡¯t know why, and I¡¯m sure he¡¯s holding onto me a little too closely suddenly. It¡¯s awfully warm now. I wonder where Felicity has gone. I hope she¡¯s not the jealous type, not that she should be ¡­ I don¡¯t do sex ¡­ Or feelings ¡­ Jake sees me as he would a sister, or a tonic friend, I guess. That thought annoys me a little. He is sex-able tonight. ¡°Emma, I really think you need some sleep, or coffee?¡± he loses the frown, and a little seriousness clouds his tone. ¡°I don¡¯t like coffee.¡± The stuff stinks and tastes worse. I don¡¯t know why Jake drinks so much of it; I prefer brandy. I giggle as he pulls me toward the couch and maneuvers me onto the cool soft seat, lifting my feet up to the next space to me,ying me t on my back. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. Smooth move, Carrero. The motion makes meugh again and I like how it sounds. I never giggle like this. It feels very unlike me in every way. I¡¯ve turned into a giggler with zero control over it. ¡°You stay like that while I make you a drink ¡­ Tea? Water?¡± he asks. ¡°Brandy!¡± I never liked the stuff at all, it burns going down, but it did start to taste good after the third one and the side effects are positively awesome. ¡°No, Emma. No more alcohol.¡± He sounds stern, bossy, and paternal ¡­ Like a father should. It brings sperm donor back to the forefront of my swirling thoughts. ¡°Why didn¡¯t he want me, Jake?¡± I query sadly. I talk to the ceiling, it feels a bit like I¡¯m lying on a shrink¡¯s couch, like in the movies when sad people talk to psychiatrists in stark offices on green couches and stare at boring ceilings. I note the ceiling no longer looks smooth and creamy; it looks shitty. Maybe Jake could be my shrink. ¡°Because he¡¯s an idiot. Not all men are cut out to be fathers.¡± I catch the sound of the clink of sses or mugs. Chapter 22 Chapter 22 That¡¯s true. See, he¡¯s a good shrink ¡­ he seems to understand. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with me?¡± That¡¯s a good question to ask a shrink, as I want to know. His face appears above me and I jump a little in fright; I wasn¡¯t expecting him so suddenly, maybe it wasn¡¯t sudden. I have been taking long pauses to daydream between replies. This is a weird angle, but even down here he looks gorgeous. Why can¡¯t you look ugly from at least one angle, Carrero? Even the odds up a little. Maybe have a double chin or something. ¡°Nothing ¡­ You deserve so much more than someone like him.¡± He seems serious, and just hot. Too hot. ¡°I¡¯m part of him ¡­ I have his blood ¡­ But he didn¡¯t want to know me.¡± I sigh dejectedly as he moves from above me and on to the couch beside me; he has a ss which clinks with ice and slides it on the low table to my left. He sits near my head so he can look down at my face and he¡¯s no longer smiling. He seems nk. ¡°Does he want to know you now? Is that why he called?¡± he frowns once more, watching me pensively. ¡°He wants money.¡± I point out as a matter of fact. Yes, as much as he cany his grubby little hands on. Filthy, scum bag, gold digger. ¡°Money?¡± he pauses to watch me. His tone that of surprise. ¡°He thinks I¡¯m loaded, because I¡¯m always in the papers ¡­ with you ¡­ Probably thinks we¡¯re in love.¡± I laugh at this little fact, but Jake doesn¡¯tugh, he just goes on watching me and sips from his own mug before looking lost in thought. I can smell coffee and guess he¡¯s not drunk at all. ¡°Why are you chewing your lip like that?¡± I ask him, reaching up and prodding him gently in the dimple again. Jake has a touchable face. I¡¯ve never noticed before how much his face cries out to be touched; there¡¯s a beauty about his features, even his designer stubble, that makes your fingers itch to trace the lines and curves. He has a dimple on each side that should be investigated. ¡°I¡¯m thinking, Emma ¡­ stop poking me in the face, woman,¡± he chides with a frown and I push at it a little harder with my pointer finger, irritated at him calling me ¡°woman¡±. Asshole! ¡°You¡¯re very touchy-feely when you¡¯re drunk, aren¡¯t you?¡± he catches my finger and pushes it down. He has a cheek calling anyone touchy-feely. Mr. Hands-On, Carrero! ¡°You¡¯ve a touchy kind of face.¡± I smile but spinning starts to take over and I decide toy still to see if it will pass. Iy watching his green eyes in the dim light and wonder what he¡¯s thinking about. Mesmerized by the way his eyes change with his moods. Sometimes they¡¯re dark and almost brown, other times pale and almost aqua. Normally, they¡¯re a very bright, almost emerald green. When I love them the most. ¡°Hmmmm.¡± He looks at me in an odd way, and I can still see the hint of a frown; I stifle the urge to poke it again. ¡°Hmmmm!¡± I mimic in a mock deep male tone. ¡°What¡¯s ¡®hmmmmm¡¯ all about?¡± Jake can be exasperating! I like Jake. I¡¯m d he¡¯s my boss! I think we get on better than most boss- employees do. ¡°It¡¯s just hmmm ¡­ You¡¯re drunk. You¡¯re making very little sense, and your grabby hands are a little distracting. I think I need to put you to bed.¡± He¡¯s not in yful mode, which is disappointing. What does he mean, ¡°grabby hands¡±? I hold my hands up in front of me to look but they don¡¯t look ¡°grabby¡± at all. I was merely having a little feel of a beautiful thing. He sighs, pushing me to note he¡¯s closer, leaning down to peer at my face as if he¡¯s trying to gauge just how drunk I still am. I have the urge to say ¡°Hello¡± or ¡°Peek-a-Boo¡±. ¡°Where¡¯s your hot Crone?¡± Iugh at my own joke. It¡¯s rather funny. Miss Crane ¡­ Crone ¡­ Get it? He smiles, sighing deeply as though he has no idea what to do with me anymore. I notice that when he moves his jaw in any little way, his ear moves slightly and be fascinated by it. I wonder if all men have this special talent. Would you call it a talent? Ear wiggling ¡­ Special skill of sexiness. I giggle again. ¡°Emma, you¡¯ve seriously lost your filter.¡± Heughs at me, looking at me in a ¡°what am I going to do with my stered PA¡± kind of way. I reach up to poke his dimple again, but he catches my hand and pushes it down firmly. Damn, he¡¯s quick. ¡°Mr. Cartierro leave my fingers alone,¡± I sound out properly in a British ent. Amused. Now that¡¯s funny, because Cartier is one of his favorite ces to spend huge amounts of money on leggy dates like Crone. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. I¡¯m making himugh, when he smiles naturally like that it makes me want to smile too. He¡¯s infectious. God, I could lick that smile, it¡¯s so delicious. I want to taste it. ¡°As amusing as this is, Emma, you¡¯re going to have to go to bed. As much fun as you are drunk, I think I¡¯ll get more sense out of you over breakfast.¡± He puts his mug down on the table with a decisive nce my way. ¡°I don¡¯t want to sleep¡± I pout, full child mode returning. ¡°Tough, you¡¯re going to bed. I have a duty of care.¡± He scolds softly. ¡°I won¡¯t go, you can¡¯t make me.¡± I¡¯m sure my childhood sulky face still exists, I¡¯m pretty sure it¡¯s making aeback. I try and swat his face and hands as he reaches to help me up. ¡°Aargh. Emma!¡± He runs his fingers through his styled hairdo, messing it up. I think he¡¯s frustrated with me, but I don¡¯t care as I don¡¯t want to go to bed to be alone with my own mind. I ogle his fussed hair. I like it better like that; less groomed and perfect, a little rugged. It really does make him look so much hotter. That ¡°just fucked¡± look. I didn¡¯t think that was possible. I reach out and tousle it some more; I¡¯ve never touched his hair and it feels nice, kind of thick and smooth, a little crunchy with product, yet sensual. He catches my fingers, pulling my hands in between us and keeps hold of them tightly. He¡¯s giving me a testy look and I wonder again where his date has gone. She¡¯s lucky, because she gets to run her fingers through his hair anytime, she wants and that upsets me. ¡°If I have to drag you in there and put you to bed, I will. I¡¯m not against hauling you and holding you down.¡± There¡¯s seriousness in his eye. He looks like boss Carrero and that means no messing about. ¡°Promises, promises.¡± I tut, wriggling a hand free to poke him again in the dimple, he¡¯s not smiling but I remember where it is. Bullseye. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake, Emma. What you do to me woman!¡± He scoops me up speedily and I squeal. He¡¯s so fast it makes the room tilt and I grab on for dear life and try not to choke him with my vice like grip, my face almost pressed into his. He can walk fast and in a few easy strides we¡¯re already in my room and he¡¯s pulling back my sheets with one hand. ¡°Are you mad?¡± I suddenly turn tearful. I don¡¯t want my gorgeous, swoony boss, angry at me. ¡°No, Emma, I¡¯m not mad.¡± Heys me in the bed and pushes me onto my pillow softly. He pulls up my sheets and tucks me in like I¡¯m a child. Taking great care to do so. I don¡¯t remember my mother ever doing this for me. No one has ever done this for me. ¡°You don¡¯t like drunk Emma?¡± I ask warily. Upset at myself now. He gently smiles down at me and runs a careful hand across my hair then down my cheek, soothing me. The back of his fingers feathering softly across my face, igniting tingles over my skin. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s mad, and it makes me feel better. His touch has the same effect as a calming wave; that gentle look on his face rxing me back to submissive. ¡°I do like drunk Emma ¡­ maybe a little too much.¡± He seems distant when he says it and his eyes darken; he frowns, then quickly smooths it away. ¡°I don¡¯t like drunk, Emma.¡± I sigh and close my eyes. I¡¯m jealous that Jake likes drunk Emma. She¡¯s a bitch. I close my eyes but when I do, the face of that weasel man at my mother¡¯s table when I was fourteen sways in. I had just walked in from school and she had figured a cozy dinner to introduce my father was a good idea. How wrong she was. Chapter 23 Chapter 23 My brain swivels forward, drunkenness opening doors and letting my mind lose control. My mother with her various men and I recall their faces swimming past me in a rush, like a subway train until it stops on one looming grin that causes me shiver internally. That looming face which sometimes wakes me in the night with terrifying dreams. The ever-present face of my nightmares and terrors. ¡°Why?¡± he asks, bringing me back to the present and I focus on Jake, pulling myself out of my head. He¡¯s sitting on the edge of the bed twirling a strand of my loose hair between his fingers. It makes my scalp tingle and draws my full attention to his strong form, so close to me, smelling so very good and uniquely him. ¡°She thinks about things I don¡¯t want to think about.¡± I sigh quietly. Sadness oveing me with the wave of fatigue. ¡°Like fathers who weren¡¯t around?¡± he seems softer, warmer. Jake always asks me things about my past, I wish he didn¡¯t but tonight it doesn¡¯t feel so bad. So scary. I want him to stay and talk to me, not go to his room with that awful ¡°Crone¡±. I want him here with me. ¡°And people called Ray.¡± I let out a long heavy breath at the mention of his name, the looming devil is still watching me inside my own head. Evading my closing doors, his lip curling back to reveal his snarl. The bile rises in my throat as the fear travels up my legs and I shiver. ¡°Ray?¡± The confused husky voice distracts me. ¡°Ray, who beats up girls and tries to molest them.¡± I whisper, afraid of saying it out loud in case the monster hears me. Why did I start thinking of Ray? Stupid, Emma, very stupid! I don¡¯t like brandy anymore; it breaks down the walls of my carefully built ck box and lets things that I locked up tight run loose. A warm touch on my arm pushes it back to the distance; it¡¯s soft and delicate and sends a soothing sensation through the fear, bringing me back to here and now. It helps Ray¡¯s face move back into the shadows, where he belongs. ¡°Emma, why did you never tell me any of this?¡± Jake¡¯s voice is pained. I don¡¯t recognize his tone; concerned and breathy but I¡¯m experiencing the tug of drunken sleep falling over me despite everything running through my head. His touch too calming, and it¡¯s making me fall into peaceful darkness. My eyes get heavier and the bed sways like a cradle, pulling me away from his voice. I can¡¯t fight it. ¡°Don¡¯t tell Emma I told you ¡­ She will be really mad.¡± I whisper, urging my Jake to keep our secret. Naughty teen, Emma? How did you get out? I try and haul her back down into the shadows with me as darkness overtakes us both but all too soon, I am lost. *** The sun piercing tiny slices through the drapes is worse than having salt poured in my eyes. The nausea hits as I try to sit up and my mouth waters crazily. My cell is by the bed, and I realize it¡¯s been switched off; I never switch it off, I don¡¯t even know what time it is and I could have missed a multitude of calls. I swallow down the bile and reach for the ss beside my bed, lukewarm water will have to do. I know I should rememberst night but after my third drink on the couch I don¡¯t remember much else. I don¡¯t do hard liquor, so it¡¯s no surprise. I¡¯m a total lightweight. I know at one-point Jake came back; I think. Maybe. I have strange images of him leaning over me with his tie hanging free; I¡¯m not even sure if it was a dream or a memory from another time. I shower fast tobat the dizziness and ram toast and paracetamol down my throat in the sitting area in a bid to recover quickly. The ce is silent, and I guess Jake is still in bed. I remember Felicity is here, I forgot about her; I always try and ignore his female guests. At least I slept through her screaming for once which is the only upside to my hangover. My head winces every time I move and I¡¯m having to sip water to keep the gag reflex at bay. I¡¯m regretting drinking brandy immensely. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I let it get to me that much? Why did I let that idiot get under my skin? I have more resolve than that, but I think it was the shock. It¡¯s been twelve years since hisst contact and although I knew he would resurface one day, I hadn¡¯t expected it yesterday. I¡¯m wearing workout clothes as I intend to hit the gym when the nausea subsides to sweat this out of my system. I¡¯m d we don¡¯t have any meetings today, nothing nned until this evening with ate client dinner. I might be able to get through it if we¡¯re working from here. It¡¯s gone 9.00 a.m. and wonder why Jake¡¯s not up. Even on weekends he never sleeps past six, even with a hangover, and this isn¡¯t like him. I don¡¯t have to ponder it for long, as he appears, walking in the door, wearing sweats and a T-shirt soaked in sweat. He¡¯s already been down at the gym and has a towel draped around his neck. He is bright and cheery as usual; he¡¯s a morning person, something I¡¯m not and never have been. I smile with effort as he walks in, grimacing as I just feel awful. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. ¡°Morning, shorty,¡± he smiles back. ¡°Morning,¡± I mumble. ¡°How¡¯s the head?¡± ¡°Sore.¡± I sigh and wince almost in reply. ¡°There¡¯s painkillers in the bathroom.¡± He shes me a happy smile as he walks past the couch. ¡°I got some already.¡± I shake a packet in the air as proof. ¡°Have you eaten?¡± he walks across toward the kitchte intent on whatever he is doing. Always at home in our suites. ¡°Yup ¡­¡± ¡°Good. Quickest way to recover from a hangover. Can you order me some breakfast, I¡¯m going for a shower?¡± He¡¯s at the fridge drinking a bottle of water, before throwing me a Jake special ¡°I¡¯ll floor you with my sexy¡± smile and raised eyebrow in way of thanks and stalks off to his room. I wonder where Miss. Crane is as I watch his rather too pert ass sauntering away and guess she¡¯s still asleep. Jake must have exhausted herst night, and it instantly pisses me off. Killing any good mood, I may have thought of having today. Ughhh! * * * He eats breakfast in the sitting area while reading through papers, in his trademark jeans and T-shirt, he¡¯s barefoot and his hair is still ruffled and damp from his shower. He looks nothing like the CEO of the company I first met, and every bit a random guy on a weekend. It somehow feels a bit too domestic. Felicity is sound asleep in his room giving us some much-needed peace before her screeching voice grates on my nerves again. I am d of her absence, for some reason her presence today is annoying me, way more than normal. He doesn¡¯t seem intent on any kind of work yet, and I¡¯m d. I¡¯m trying to stay as still as possible, laying in my space on the couch beside him It¡¯s the only way the nausea and sore head are bearable and I¡¯m trying to concentrate on theptop on my thighs. The screen won¡¯t stay in focus and I¡¯m finding it hellish. I sigh, sliding it onto the table andy down properly, resting my head on the cushioned arm. He gives me a knowing smirk and I re at him in response. I¡¯m so not in the mood for him to take the piss right now. Yes, I¡¯m hungover, Jake. So, what! I should maybe remind him of how many times I¡¯ve seen him legless and stumbling into hotel rooms at stupid o¡¯clock. I¡¯ve seen sunsses wearing, grouchy, next day Jake, many times over the past few months. He finally puts down his mug of coffee and financial times and throws a nce at me. He shifts in position into his ¡°I¡¯m getting ready to chat¡± pose and I groan inwardly. I¡¯m suffering, and I would really like to stay silent for the entire day. Coolposed Emma is on holiday right now. ¡°You want to talk aboutst night?¡± he looks me straight in the eye, all Mr. Serious and my hair stands on end. ¡°Last night?¡± A memory of it for a start, might be helpful. He watches me carefully and I shift in my space, a little ufortably, unsure what¡¯s so engrossing. What did I dost night besides getting smashed? What does he want to talk about? ¡°Drunk Emma as fun as she was isn¡¯t someone I¡¯ve ever met.¡± He eyes me usingly. I already feel apprehensive about his tone. ¡°Or will likely to again, seeing as I feel like hell.¡± I grimace and haul my arm over my eyes, so I don¡¯t need to look at him, he¡¯s studying me a little too intensely. Chapter 24 Chapter 24 ¡°You want to continue our conversation?¡± He pushes on, regardless of my ¡°go away¡± posture. Lays his hand casually on my bent knee, propping it up at the wrist and rests quite happily there. ¡°What conversation?¡± I ask, genuinely confused but stay concealed under my arm, my gut churning like I may not like this. ¡°You don¡¯t remember?¡± The surprise in his voice makes me a little wary. I shake my head and the color rises in my cheeks; Jake never presses for no reason. What the hell did I say to himst night? ¡°I put you to bed.¡± Well, that exins why my cell was off. He turns his off every night, whereas I normally don¡¯t. Just in case I¡¯m needed. ¡°Thanks.¡± I mumble. I want to ask him what I said, but I don¡¯t, because I¡¯m scared. I¡¯m scared I might actually have told him something I didn¡¯t want him to know. ¡°You talked about your father.¡± He says matter of factly. Crap. Like that. The anger rises in me unexpectedly and it¡¯s too quick to grind back down. ¡°He¡¯s not my father! ¡­ He¡¯s just a donor to my existence, and nothing more.¡± I snap, jumping to my feet, his hand falling to the couch, surprising him. The heat rises in my chest; teen Emma¡¯s anger renewed with a fury and I¡¯m pissed at myself for her appearance once again. I angrily storm to the kitchte, I need water and a second to calm down. And a boss who stops bloody well digging into stuff that has nothing to do with him. ¡°And Ray?¡± The question is so precise and unimposing yet has a devastating effect on me. Stomach lurching to my throat, I falter and drop my water bottle hard on my foot, giving out a shocked yell and jump back as pain sears through my toes. ¡°Are you okay?¡± He leans around, looking at me. His eyes steady on me as I scramble back but my head reels as I bend down to retrieve the Evian bottle and try to take a deep breath through instant dizziness. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. Control Emma ¡­ Control. I stand back up slowly, and more deliberately, letting it pass. How does he know about Ray? ¡°Fine.¡± I answer stiffly. ¡°Come here, we need to talk about this.¡± He watches me intensely, a no-nonsense expression on his face. ¡°No.¡± I close him down and take a gulp of my water, it almost chokes me going down. I want to know what I told him about Ray, about my father but I also don¡¯t want to know, don¡¯t want to talk about this. I feel sick, maybe I should tell him I need to throw up and lock myself in my room for an hour, make him leave me alone. I need to think. ¡°Don¡¯t you trust me, Emma?¡± he sounds so hurt, it hurts me too and knocks me sideways in surprise. ¡°Of course, I trust you.¡± I turn to him, shing anger. Incensed at the question. How could he ask me that? We¡¯re together almost constantly, I have to trust him, I do trust him. I have never told him otherwise! I realize it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve admitted to myself that I actually do, and it startles me a little to really let it sink in. I trust Jake! I trust a man! When did that happen? How did that happen? What¡¯s more amazing is that I trust yboy Casanova Jake Carrero ¡­ my heart-throb boss with his string of women and his hands-on personality. ¡°Then talk to me, Emma,¡± he presses further, refusing to give up; his eyes still steady on me. I shake my head and turn away because I can¡¯t look at him while feeling so shellshocked. Why can¡¯t he understand that certain things don¡¯t need to be brought up ¡­ Talked about? The past is done, and I¡¯m done with the past; talking about it only makes it linger. Brings it to the forefront of my mind, where it has no ce to be. ¡°I don¡¯t need to talk about this.¡± I huff, urging him to drop it. He¡¯s on his feet and walks toward me and I feel trapped as he approaches. I know if I walk off, he¡¯ll follow me. He has that determined expression on his face, the one usually reserved for stubborn clients. He grabs my upper arm gently and pulls me to face him, visually his expression is angry, but his manner is calm. I try to twist free, but he holds me tighter; I think he knows I¡¯ll walk off if he lets me go. ¡°You said he beat you and tried to molest you.¡± I gasp and withdraw from him, shocked that I even let that much out in my drunken stupor. Heart flipping over in my chest. Crap. I don¡¯t want him to know about this. What the fuck, Emma? I don¡¯t want him looking at me like some sad little victim, incapable of taking care of herself. Why would I tell him that? He seems surprised by my reaction and lets me go instantly. ¡°Please, Jake.¡± Trembling with the unexpected bite of tears in the back of my eyes, I stalk past him. I can¡¯t do this; he has no right. I can¡¯t get upset and let him see weak Emma, she doesn¡¯t exist anymore; I¡¯ve no will to let here back now. ¡°I want to know, Emma, you¡¯re my friend.¡± He follows me, and the anger writhes inside of me once more. Teen Emma raising her ugly head and losing control like she always did, fiery temper ring. ¡°Why? It changes nothing!¡± I snap a little too aggressively and throw him a hateful re impulsively. Shit ¡­ I¡¯m falling apart; I don¡¯t shout at Jake. I don¡¯t shout at anyone like this. I¡¯ve more control than this now, I¡¯m no longer that hostile teen Emma. ¡°It affects you.¡± He¡¯s equally riled, but I don¡¯t care. Be angry. You started this, Jake. Leave me alone. ¡°This doesn¡¯t affect my ability to work for you, therefore it¡¯s none of your business.¡± I snarl through gritted teeth. ¡°You are my business; we work together almost every second of almost every day. Our rtionship goes a little deeper than boss and assistant. It depends on trust and honesty to be able to work this way.¡± His voice is heated, he reaches for me again and I move out of the way, tense, and prickling. If he touches me, I maysh out, I need to go to my room. ¡°I trust you with every detail of my life; would be nice if you did the same.¡± His voice matches mine, tense and tempered, rage bubbling between us and it feels like intense static in the air. ¡°You don¡¯t pay me to burden you with my past.¡± I snap at him. Evading him still. ¡°If you don¡¯t tell me, I¡¯ll find out for myself.¡± He threatens, and I catch the glimpse of darkness move into his eyes. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I falter at his threat. Losing my fire for a second. There¡¯s an edgy tone I don¡¯t relish, and it stops me in my tracks, causing me to re at him with uncertainty. ¡°I¡¯ll have security do a deep background check on you, and pull up old dirt,¡± he snarls. Caught in his own anger. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t?¡± I scream at him, panic ring at what he might find out and my heart almost implodes inside my chest. How dare he! That crosses the line in so many goddamn ways, and I¡¯m not even sure it¡¯s legal. What the hell is he doing? What¡¯s he even thinking about? I¡¯m supposed to trust him after he¡¯s just said that to me? Rage and hatred shoots through me at a hundred miles an hour and I can¡¯t contain it. I clench my fists and march away from him, stamping. I need space before I break something over his head. Before teen Emma and her erratic emotional self bursts forth and ruins my life. I¡¯m reeling but I¡¯m terrified that he may do as he says. What if he does? What will he find out? I pale and fall instantly weak at the thought. I don¡¯t want Jake finding out about my past, about how damaged I am. My time in a children¡¯s home and why. He would never look at me the same again. ¡°No. I wouldn¡¯t ¡­ I would rather you wanted to tell me.¡± He¡¯s shouting too. I can¡¯t even begin to start to calm down, despite his admission but it makes me feel slightly reassured, hysteria holding its breath despite my seething anger in full roar. A warm tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away furiously. I don¡¯t cry. I never cry, I hate crying. It¡¯s so weak and vulnerable and makes me feel inadequate and worthless; I bristle inside and turn on him once again. ¡°This conversation is fucking over!¡± The rage in my voice seems to startle him and instead of yelling more, he looks taken aback, remorseful. Silenced with my hint of psycho. Too little, toote, Jake. Go away and leave me alone. I turn and stalk away, stomping hard and pushing things out of my way. Felicity appears from the bedroom and I cast him back a haughty re with intent. I think he gets the message. The ¡°go fuck off and y with your fuck buddy¡± message and m my bedroom door, closing out his view of me. Chapter 25 Chapter 25 ASSHOLE!!!! I want to scream it at him through the closed door; I¡¯ve never had this wave of reaction toward Jake before and I can¡¯t control it. I¡¯m beyond livid. I¡¯m reeling, angry, and hysteria isn¡¯t far away. I hate losing control this way, every emotion bubbling to the surface like an angry volcano threatening to explode. I know I need to bring myself down or else my life is over. He¡¯s my BOSS! I mastered this once I can do it again. I can push it all down and force it back into its ck box. Put it all back neatly and close the lid. Bring calm back to the surface and put the mask back on. Salvage something before it¡¯s toote. But I can¡¯t! Because he knows! Because he saw a sliver of my shameful wretched past and I¡¯m devastated. He will see I¡¯m a fraud, that PA Emma, his number two is nothing more than a facade for a broken piece of worthlessness that men liked to knock around and touch. It makes me feel sick inside and I hurtle myself onto the bed amid a flurry of tears. I hate crying, I don¡¯t cry! I won¡¯t give them my tears; I won¡¯t let them have that from me. They took everything else. I roll on my back and take gasping gulps of air, swallowing them down painfully. Knowing I need to control myself. That¡¯s right, Emma, breathe. I hear myself telling teen Emma, as sheys on the floor of her Chicago room. That little voice talking her through. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­.Out. Slowly, and surely. I force myself to focus on the light fitting on the ceiling above me and keep going. Knowing it helps. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ That¡¯s right, nice and steady. I¡¯m not in Chicago anymore, it¡¯s okay now. I¡¯m in control of this. I regte my breathing to match my count, bringing myself down from near hysterics. Drying my eyes. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out ¡­ Slower, bring it down a notch. I¡¯ve ovee this a million times, and I can do it again. I can fix this. I¡¯m better than this. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out. Take deep breaths in ¡­ It¡¯s getting easier. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out. Calmer, smoother breathing. The tidal wave subsides slowly, and the ckness fades out. My lungs move easier, the heaviness lifting, and I inhale deeply. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In ¡­ Out. Like a chant. I¡¯m in control ¡­ I¡¯m not a child anymore. Ray is not here to hurt me. In ¡­ Out ¡­ In. The room around me is safe and still. No one can hurt me anymore. I¡¯m stronger now. I¡¯m more capable. It¡¯s not my life anymore. In ¡­ Out ¡­ The tears disperse fully, and I sniff back the remnants. In. Out. The anger subsides and I¡¯m left feeling raw and vulnerable. I stop chanting as I breathe fluidly. I¡¯m back in control andying so very still. It¡¯s easier than it used to be. I¡¯m better at it and it takes less time now than it used to; new Emma isying on the bed staring at the ceiling and she¡¯s remorseful. Logical, clear thinking, back in full swing. Knowing what she has done. I can¡¯t leave it this way with Jake. I screamed at my boss ¡­ my friend ¡­ I don¡¯t know if I can face him again. But if I don¡¯t, it will only get more awkward. I may get fired. I don¡¯t think Jake would fire me, but still. He can¡¯t work the espresso machine and coffee is his lifeline. A small smile tugs the corner of my mouth as I picture him trying and the inner calm of my regained self pushes me to sit up. I¡¯m ashamed and embarrassed. My iPad lights up on my side table, indicating I have an email and I catch Jake¡¯s name from my viewpoint. I lean across impulsively, sliding it over and pull it onto myp. Opening the screen with a tentative slide, I click on the email notification. Chest throbbing heavily. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. I open the email, thinking back to thest time he gifted me a song, and my heart retracts a little in pain. Remorse hitting me hard, nervous at what this may say. Jake Carrero has gifted you: ¡°Please Forgive Me¡± by Bryan Adams. A lump rises in my throat along with the threat of new tears, only this time they¡¯re not in anger or sadness. Jake is trying to make things okay with me and I can¡¯t just ignore him. The swelling of my heart at his attempt and his sweetness has me on the verge of breaking down. I need to w back some dignity and face him, let him see that I¡¯m still the same Emma I was and maybe ask him to forget this ever happened. That I¡¯m not an insane psycho with a troubled past who screams at him and runs away to hide. Well, maybe I am. I stand up and walk coyly to my door, shaking so lightly and open it quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid and steadily walk into the sitting room. My emotions churning like mad. He¡¯s sitting on the couch, leaning forward with his cell in his hands. His powerful body tense and stiff and he¡¯s looking at the floor lost in thought. It¡¯s his thinking pose, when he¡¯s trying to choose a course of action and I¡¯m ovee with remorse. I made Jake stressed. I did that. Felicity is standing in the space by the door pulling on her shoes and ring at him icily. Maybe it wasn¡¯t all me. I wait until she ms out dramatically, expecting him to react but he stays focused on the floor lost in his own head. She hadn¡¯t even noticed me standing here. Here goes! I take a deep breath and walk toward him slowly and unsurely. I have no idea what I¡¯m going to say as we have never fought this way before. We argue and bicker and we have disagreements, but we have never walked out on one another in rage. I nce at him shyly as I get to four feet away. Trembling. ¡°Jake?¡± I breathe softly, apprehensively. My voice startles him and his head snaps up. He must have been lost deep in his thoughts and I catch the uncertainty in his eye. ¡°Hey,¡± he says warily. He looks so lost it physically hurts. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°I ¡­ umm ¡­¡± This is harder than I thought it would be. I can¡¯t look at him, so I turn my face to my right, away from him, across the room trying to find a focus while I find the words. There¡¯s a noise from the couch and then I¡¯m hauled into his arms, my head pulled against his chest with a warm hand cupping my skull. He envelopes me in a bear hug and I¡¯m too stunned to react. I stiffen at the alien-ness of it and then slump with relief and ept his touch. Jake¡¯s not mad at me anymore, we¡¯re done fighting. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He breathes into the top of my head, his face buried in my hair. My bodypletely surrendering to the goodness of his embrace. My touchy-feely boss! I¡¯ll have to forgive him again, for manhandling me, only this time it¡¯s not that bad; it feels good and it takes away all the anger and doubts inside of me. It seems to be restoring me to my former self. ¡°I¡¯m sorry too.¡± The emotion catches in my throat, my voice breaking with hoarseness while I revel in the feel of him. Jake, my boss. Jake, my first real male friend. I don¡¯t want to fight with him this way. I¡¯ve never been hugged like this by anyone. Not even my mother and it feels so safe, so unfamiliar, yet so right. I close my eyes and allow myself to breathe him in; I wonder if that makes me weird. Freaky Lisaes to mind. ¡°I won¡¯t push anymore.¡± His voice is still soft and warm above my head and my arms have slid around his waist of their own ord. I¡¯m holding him as tightly as he¡¯s holding me. The realization makes me feel awkward and embarrassed by the intimacy and I let go. I¡¯m overstepping the mark. He senses my reaction and releases me too, sheepishly we stand apart and I¡¯m ovee with shyness. Crap. This is new. He shoves my shoulder like an adolescent and I know it¡¯s to cover our awkwardness, so I shove him back. For a twenty-eight-year-old he sure knows how to revert to fifteen at times. That gains me a Carrero grin and I shake my head at him, rolling my eyes, amazed at how easily we can just get over it. It reminds me of how easily Sarah gets over things and I suddenly miss her. He¡¯s back in yful mode and for once it doesn¡¯t irritate me, it relieves me. This is what I need. Chapter 26 Chapter 26 ¡°Knew you couldn¡¯t hate me for long, Bambino.¡± He¡¯s still smiling and trying to look convincingly assured while failing. Yeah, of course, you were so confident when I walked in. I remember his stressed posture and lost look, only moments before. ¡°Hmm, the jury is still out on that,¡± I answer impassively. I could never hate Jake. He throws me a mock injured look and I push him harder this time, so he falls back onto the couch with iling arms and a shocked expression. Easy there, teen Emma, he¡¯s still your boss. ¡°Hey, woman! Any more of that and I¡¯ll have to retaliate. I can promise you; my kind of physical exertion will put some color in your cheeks.¡± He gets up as though he¡¯s going to grab me and I squeal, throwing out my arms toward him and shoving him straight back down with more force than necessary. He falls into the couch and justughs at me. ¡°Hey! ¡­ Gross misconduct, Miss. Anderson.¡± He chucks a scatter cushion up at me, but I dodge it easily and catch it. ¡°Sue me.¡± I throw it back with a smile as I walk to lift my cell and groan at the numerous notifications. I¡¯m a little breathless, and a hell of a lot happier. I push down the thoughts about sperm donor, Ray, and Chicago. Jake says he won¡¯t press me on this issue, and I know he means it, I can rx again. We can rx again. We just need to move on now. I nce at my work out clothes and realize I need to get changed; we have actual work to do. I appraise him lounging on the couch, still watching me and I feel better, lighter. He drives me crazy sometimes but at least Jake isn¡¯t someone who harbors moods or anger for very long. Well, unless you¡¯re his father. Generally, he has a sunny manner. The thought makes me smile ¡­ Sunny ¡­ Never thought I¡¯d associate that word with Jake Carrero. ¡°Are you going to get changed?¡± I ask as I skim through my cell trying to now push us forward. I need to get myptop open and check the email from Rosalie. She¡¯s text me, informing me there are file attachments, revisions to the Hunter¡ªCarrero contracts Jake has requested that require his immediate attention. I push thest thoughts of sperm donor away and get back into PA mode. It¡¯s better this way. ¡°Nope.¡± Heys out on the couch tossing the cushion in the air casually and watching me from his vantage point; I frown at his casual attire andck of moving. ¡°Well, I¡¯m going to get changed so at least I can feel like I¡¯m ready for work.¡± I take my cell with me and start to walk back to my room, engrossed in replying to Rosalie¡¯s email. ¡°Emma?¡± he halts me in my tracks. I freeze; a tiny tremor of doubt crosses my mind and I hold my breath. Waiting. ¡°Uhuh?¡± I try to sound nonmittal. ¡°I¡¯m d we¡¯re okay ¡­ Let¡¯s not fight about that shit again okay?¡± his huskiness betrays a slight hint of emotion. ¡°Okay.¡± I turn and give him a genuine smile; a warm tide of affection fills my stomach as he throws me a genuine natural smile in reply. No showy yful or ¡°I¡¯m just so gorgeous¡±, but relief we¡¯re friends again and I return it even more so. No one makes me rx like Jake does. Sometimes it¡¯s a curse but right now, I don¡¯t mind it. It feels okay to sometimes relinquish a little bit of the control, to stop holding everything in, especially when that smile is the reward. * * * Jake has watched the most godawful movie on the huge t screen for thest half hour and I can tell he¡¯s bored of it. He¡¯s been channel hopping, messing with his cell andptop and moved position on the couch about a hundred times. He¡¯s restless. I¡¯m reading one of the proposals for a small start-up Jake asked me to consider, and I¡¯m fully aware he¡¯s been avoiding conversation. I know that look on his face, a little wary and a little unsettled. He¡¯s still unsure that we¡¯re okay but I¡¯m letting him stew by carrying on with work and avoiding chatter. ¡°Let¡¯s go running?¡± his listless tone drags me from the papers in my hand and I sigh heavily. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Because you drag me out at six most mornings to jog with you, and I know you¡¯re going to do it again tomorrow so I¡¯m not doing it now.¡± I throw him my best moody re. ¡°You suck,¡± he sighs childishly. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°Jake?¡± Iugh. ¡°You do realize you¡¯re my boss?¡± ¡°And?¡± he actually pouts, looking very much like a child about now. ¡°You¡¯re behaving like a moody teen ¡­ Don¡¯t you have any new bed buddies to pester?¡± I chastise, sighing loudly. ¡°Hmm.¡± He sounds uninterested. He never seems to find women that hold his interest long. My irritation rises because he has that air of frustration which I know only too well. I can practically time how long it will be before his mood starts to really tumble and I get to be on the receiving end of grumpy ass Carrero. ¡°For god¡¯s sake! ¡­ Okay!¡± I snap. This could go on all afternoon and I can¡¯t focus when he¡¯s being this way. He grins and jumps up to go get changed into sweats. He¡¯s a smug winner. Likes to throw his sess at me with huge champion grins. I swallow down the tension inside of me. Back to normal then. I go to my room and change into workout clothes and running shoes, I grab a hooded top and walk back into the main room as he walks from his door. He¡¯s in gray sweats and hooded top and as always looks so much younger and carefree dressed this way. Less yboy billionaire and more normal, good- looking guy going to the gym. He leads the way to the elevator, whistling the whole time in a far better mood and we head down to the main floor inpanionable silence. My cell vibrates and I haul it out to check, it¡¯s a text from Sarah. ¡°Hey, are you home this weekend?¡± We¡¯re due to fly back on Friday so I reply that I¡¯ll be around. ¡°I may need your DIY skills. I want to redo my room.¡± I sigh; decorating is not what I nned with my first whole weekend off in a while, but Sarah is useless with a paintbrush. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll textter, I¡¯m going for a run.¡± I reply, not wanting to talk about this right now. She sends me back some kisses and a smiley face and I slide my cell back into my pocket. I start smiling despite my mild irritation at her request. I do miss Sarah, despite how distant we¡¯ve grown and lately I have started to feel it more than before. I have no idea why the change in me, but I am more aware of it. Aware of how cold I have been. We exit the Four Seasons Hotel into the gloomy afternoon, and I fall into an easy pace beside him when we hit the pavement. It¡¯s wet and muggy and gray. The air is cooler than it¡¯s been the previous couple of days, and it forces me to jog a bit energetically to get warm. We stretched in the elevator but I¡¯m still feeling stiff. ¡°Trying to race me?¡± he grins and pulls up his hood against the rain. The street is quiet and practically deserted, yet so picturesque despite the overcast sky. ¡°You¡¯d have no chance.¡± I pull my hood up too, the drizzle isn¡¯t too bad, sort of refreshing. ¡°First one to the museum wins.¡± He lurches into an impulsive run and takes off without waiting for my answer and I follow in hot pursuit. My heart is pounding as I try my hardest to keep pace, but his stamina and long legs soon beat me into retreat, and I have to stop to gasp air into my lungs. My throat and legs are burning from exertion and I have to bend my head down between my knees to stop the rise of nausea. Hees jogging back, noticing that I¡¯ve given up. ¡°Lightweight.¡± He bends over beside me and pulls me over to him with an arm casually around my shoulders, making me stand up. He pushes his water bottle in my hand, and I ept it gratefully. Tugging me with him, we start walking slowly in the direction we had been heading as I catch my breath, already I¡¯m sweating all over. I¡¯m not as fit as I thought I was, and we have barely run three hundred yards at full speed. ¡°Shut up.¡± I breathe finally as my chest stops heaving and the nausea subsides. Throat clogged with over exertion. ¡°You need to get in the gym with my trainer ¡­ he¡¯ll sort you out. Take care of that wheeze.¡± Grinning as he winks at me, he¡¯s barely panting. ¡°Boxing is not my thing.¡± I shake my head; he still has his arm casually around my shoulders as we walk, our bodies leaning into one another side by side. To the average onlooker, we would probably look like a couple. ¡°Maybe it should be ¡­ It¡¯s better than therapy. Why do you think I¡¯m such a happy go lucky guy?¡± He winks. Chapter 27 Chapter 27 I hand him back his water, throwing him a look of indulgence. A look that says, ¡°all that casual sex?¡± and he lets me go to take a drink. He empties it and throws it in a nearby trash can, impressed he met his own bullseye. That juvenile boy inside fist pumping at his ability to dunk a stic bottle. ¡°Do you really want me to learn how to beat you up, Jake?¡± I smile cheekily, watching him with amusement. ¡°Carino. Even if you became a pro boxer, I would still put you on your ass. You¡¯re half my weight ss.¡± He smirks and squeezes my shoulder lightly. ¡°I don¡¯t even know what that means.¡± I stop, leaning back to stretch out my limbs and start jogging on the spot to signal I¡¯m recovered enough to continue. He pulls my hood further forward over my face and shoves me in front of him yfully, so that I¡¯ll lead. ¡°It means that you¡¯ll never be able to beat my ass, girly.¡± Heughs with a huskiness that is a little too alluring. ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me,¡± I warn. ¡°I like a challenge.¡± ¡°Well if beating is what you¡¯re into?¡± I catch the cheeky glint in his eye and sucker punch him in the ribs yfully before he can finish his sentence. He pushes me away and tries to trip me deliberately, catching my wrists so I don¡¯t fall, and he receives a pout and re. He rights me on my feet with a laugh and we set off again. He¡¯s in a childish mood this afternoon ¡­ Great! That¡¯s all I need. It¡¯s seriously his worst mode. We jog on in silence for two blocks before we round a corner and head in a new direction. I take in the unfamiliar streets and surrounding scenery; Seattle seems lower paced and more rxed than New York but it hasn¡¯t got the same buzzing energy and I kind of like it. It¡¯s a wee break in our hectic scheduletely. ¡°What are you thinking about, Miele?¡± his voice cuts into my thoughts. Jake¡¯s looking at me as we run, and he has to keep pushing his hood back at the side to see my face, the gesture makes him look childish and I smile warmly. ¡°Wondering where I would dump your body if I beat you to death.¡± It¡¯s a smug retort. ¡°It¡¯s like that, is it?¡± he grins. ¡°Yep.¡± I¡¯m not prepared for the sudden lurch at me as he grabs me by the waist and tips me upside down in mid-air. With his muscles, I¡¯m no more than a gym bag in weight and I squeal in surprise and choke on the sharp intake of breath. He tips mepletely over onto my feet so that I¡¯m still bent double but in a head lock, my butt facing away from him with my head against his abdomen. I¡¯m squealing and trying to wrench myself free as he keeps walking, but I¡¯m stumbling backward. ¡°Jake ¡­ Stop it.¡± I¡¯mughing stupidly and unable to fight as he has my arms pinned to my sides. ¡°I can¡¯t. I¡¯m looking for a shady corner so I can administer some much-needed discipline.¡± He threatens, but he has a yfulness in his voice. He finally releases me and hauls me back up, pulling me against him with an arm around my shoulders and drags me onward. My hood falls free, letting the soft rain cool my heated face while breathless from his antics and disheveled from his manhandling. ¡°You know how many sexual harassmentws you just broke? I could haul your ass through the courts.¡± I point out. Laughing hard as I do so. ¡°With my reputation, mywyers would probably just settle.¡± He smirks and winks and I shake my head at him and try to pull my clothes back into their rightful ce within the confines of his arm and fail miserably. ¡°Should stop manhandling the staff then!¡± I snort, unable to stop giggling as he¡¯s walking fast and making me stumble to keep up. ¡°Where are we going?¡± ¡°A walk ¡­ I¡¯m bored at the hotel,¡± he says dejectedly. ¡°Are you ignoring my suggestion?¡± I ask innocently. ¡°About manhandling my staff?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Yes ¡­ There¡¯s no fun otherwise. You were made for manhandling, Ems.¡± He throws his yful ¡°I¡¯m the shit and it means I get away with it¡± smile and I fight the urge to sucker punch him again. I pull myself free from his grip and shove his arm off so I can finally adjust my clothes properly. He has them all twisted around me and my hair is falling in my face. He tugs the hair tie out of my ponytail so that it all comes tumbling down and I throw him an exasperated look. ¡°It wasing down anyway.¡± He offers by way of an exnation and tosses the hair tie in a dumpster as we pass it. ¡°Hey,¡± I sulk. ¡°I don¡¯t have another one with me.¡± He shrugs, which only makes me narky with him. ¡°You¡¯ll just have to leave it loose then, won¡¯t you?¡± He ruffles my hair, trailing his fingers through the length and down my back softly. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Stop acting like a child ¡­ Sometimes I seriously can¡¯t understand why I work for you, or that you even run an empire.¡± Watching him now, he¡¯s far removed from Mr. Business, or even Mr. Public eye. He¡¯s adolescent Carrero. He reaches out a hand, ignoring me and tugs me closer by the hood so I¡¯m within reach of his arm and puts it back around my shoulders. Only this time it¡¯s loose and casual, and my clothes stay neat and in ce. I don¡¯t bother fighting this time; I¡¯m so used to touchy-feely Carrero by now that I¡¯ve stopped caring any more. He has very few inhibitions, and he¡¯s been raised by a touchy-feely Italian, family. Why doesn¡¯t it bother me? It would bother me if it was anyone else. I guess because Jake is the first man I¡¯ve ever known who touches me without intent. There¡¯s no threat, or ulterior motive. In the way that a child touches automatically because they want to, and they don¡¯t see the issue with doing it. In the way he constantly flirts or makes suggestions of a sexual nature, yet never follows through. It¡¯s harmless, it¡¯s just how he is. Saying that, however, he¡¯s a constant annoyance at work forever tugging my hair or prodding me in the side and manhandling me into cupboards. Maybe I should sue him for sexual harassment; I smile to myself. Teach him some boundaries, that would show him. ¡°We need a break, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m listless and tense all the timetely ¡­ distracted.¡± His voice is subdued suddenly. I appraise his expression as he seems distracted, even with his hood still up, making him look more street thug on the prowl and less Mr. Business. There¡¯s an empty, lost expression just under the surface. I couldn¡¯t sue that face. ¡°You¡¯re the boss ¡­ You don¡¯t need anyone¡¯s permission.¡± We¡¯re walking along an alley with no real idea of where we¡¯re going, and it¡¯s stopped raining. The sun peeks out between the dull clouds, threatening a better afternoon. ¡°Maybe somewhere to rx for a week.¡± He¡¯s looking around, seemingly lost in thought. ¡°Where do you want to go?¡± I ask curiously, there aren¡¯t many ces he hasn¡¯t been so his choice is limited. ¡°We could be spontaneous,¡± he answers quickly, and I raise a brow. Surprised at that. ¡°Could we now?¡± I emphasize the ¡°we¡±, making it clear that taking your PA on holiday with you defeats the purpose of a holiday. Not to mention it being odd. ¡°You don¡¯t want toe?¡± he looks at me in the way a child would on finding you¡¯re no longer taking them to buy candy. And all I can do is shake my head. ¡°Ummm, why would Ie on holiday with you?¡± I stifle a giggle at his expression. ¡°Because you work as hard as I do and could use the break too. Because I want you to.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s appropriate¡± I hesitate, somewhat amused that he would even suggest it. He¡¯s actually being serious? ¡°Emma, we have literally lived in hotels together for the past few months and you¡¯ve stayed the night in my apartment more than once ¡­ Why is it any different?¡± ¡°Because a holiday isn¡¯t work ¡­ it¡¯s different!¡± I¡¯m starting to feel ufortable with this direction of conversation. Why is he pressing this? I think of what kind of gossip would fly around the offices if wind got out that we headed off in the sun for a week together. Not to mention how it would look if the media took pictures of us together, rxing on a beach, or a boat, or whatever he chose to do to kick back. I wonder if he ever took Margo on a break. I should ask her next time she checks in to see how I¡¯m doing. Ask her if she ever got whisked away for a romantic time out. ¡°Don¡¯t overthink things, Emma.¡± He lets go and pulls my arm, indicating we should jog again. My limbs are getting heavy, so I follow without hesitation; we should slow the pace to warm ¡°down¡± anyway. I guess it also signals the end of conversation, I observe drily as he jogs ahead making it impossible to talk. I follow him as we round the corner and start heading back in the direction of the hotel trying to keep up. I get the vibe from him that he¡¯s sulking about this and I stifle the urge tough at him. What the hell? Jake sulks? Actually sulks. Since when? And why? Because I won¡¯t go on holiday with him? Surely, he can¡¯t be pissed at that? I keep my eye on the straight, muscr shape of his back as we jog and think rationally about this. He¡¯s been tensertely, maybe he¡¯s just stressed. Jake doesn¡¯t sulk. He¡¯s probably just tired and eager to get back. It¡¯s been non-stoptely with so much in the pipeline and he¡¯s right, we could use a break. He stays ahead of me at a good pace so that all I can do is jog to keep up as we head back to the hotel via an unfamiliar route and I can¡¯t help but feel a little miffed at his sudden cool attitude. Chapter 28 Chapter 28 It¡¯ste, and he¡¯s out with some blonde bimbo who posed in yboy who¡¯s all fake boobs and Botox with an irritatingugh and a weird pair of overly plump lips. We fly home tomorrow so he¡¯s letting off steam Carrero style. Loose women, booze, and a nightclub. So very Jake. I nce at the clock in distraction, noticing how quiet it is when he¡¯s not around to frustrate me. I don¡¯t get his fascination with nightclubs, all that loud, thumping music grinding bodies, and stifling air. But then Jake¡¯s fascination with jumping out of nes and down buildings is beyond me too. He¡¯s the original adrenaline junkie and never seems to sit still for long. It¡¯s a hot muggy night and I¡¯m sticky in my sweats and T-shirt, my hair has been up all day and it feels itchy with my scalp screaming for release. I had a good workout session in the gym after dinner, but I regret eating first. I¡¯m starving now due to the energy burn off, but don¡¯t want to eat more. I¡¯m always conscious of my figure, being on show all the time. Especially when paired with the Adonis known as Jake. Besides, food after 8.00 p.m. makes me feel bloated and restless. A shower cools me off but I¡¯m too mmy to put on more clothes. I look through my array of nightwear and pull out a short satin number that Donna bought me in four colors. My saintly shopper! She now takes my personal requests and I had thrown this in my suitcase in case it had been hot and stuffy. It¡¯s strappy and slight and looks cooler than my normal nightdresses, although, there¡¯s a lot less fabric to it than my normal style. I leave my hair down, but I blow dry it; soft waves hang around my shoulders and I note how long it¡¯s been getting. I rarely keep it down so it¡¯s hard to judge how much it¡¯s grown over thest few months. I should really get it cut to tidy it up and make tying it up less of an ordeal. I go to bed around ten, taking myptop with me so I can check my emails and reply to anything urgent. * * * I wake with a start, stifling and mmy and my throat¡¯s parched. I was dreaming again of the darkness of my room and the creeping sensation of someone in the shadows,ing toward me. I remember I hadn¡¯t been able to move, frozen with fear and I shake it off, pushing it down with the other five million of these vague night terrors I¡¯ve had over the years. Memories mixed with fear and imagination don¡¯t make for very pleasant dreams, even after twenty-odd years. I reach for my ss by the bed and notice I emptied it when working on my correspondence. I¡¯ll have to get up and get a drink now. The clock tells me it¡¯s 4.00 a.m. and still incredibly dark outside. I¡¯m aware that the room is still eerily quiet as I slide out of bed, meaning Jake is still not back. He usually falls through the door anywhere between four and five when he¡¯s gone out, unless he¡¯s with Daniel Hunter. Then you see him when you see him, sometimes not until the next day. Daniel is the bad influence that Jake doesn¡¯t need, and I worry when I know he¡¯s with him. I¡¯m d we¡¯re still in Seattle and he¡¯s not with him now, getting up to god knows what. I pad into the suite and across to the kitchen/mini bar area. I don¡¯t bother with lights as the dim glow from themp in the sitting area is enough, and if I wake myself fully then I¡¯ll never get back to sleep. I¡¯m d of the coolness through here and it feels good on my exposed skin after my mmy awakening. The water from the fridge has a slight lemon taste and it makes me think of Jake and the endless bottles of water with lemon slices he goes through a day; he drinks as much water as he does alcohol and it¡¯s him who started me on lemon water. I¡¯m aware of a noise outside the suite door knowing that he¡¯s just getting home, and it somehow comforts me while also hiking up the anxiety. Great! Let the fun begin! Leggy blonde will no doubt be falling around giggling and noisily attempting quiet. That¡¯s not what I need. I freeze by the fridge in an attempt to go unnoticed, hoping he will head straight to his room and I don¡¯t have to endure another of his low IQ bed mates. I lean on the counter and concentrate on sipping the water slowly, the coolness of the surface makes me look down and tense, realizing I¡¯m not wearing my robe. Crap. I¡¯m dressed like a hooker! I¡¯m standing in a scrap ofce and satin that leaves very little to the imagination and is pretty see- through in ces. I suddenly feel overly exposed and way too vulnerable. I also can¡¯t run now as he¡¯s opening the door. I push down my anxiety and stay still andposed, maybe he won¡¯t even notice me standing here. ¡°Emma?¡± Shit! My eyes jerk up from taking in the shortness of my nightdress and I straighten, suddenly awkward; he¡¯s looking at me oddly and even at this distance I can tell he¡¯s really drunk. I can smell the booze from here. I squirm slightly, noting that he¡¯s looked me up and down in a slow, very male way he never has before, and I don¡¯t like it. Fuck. This stupid nightdress. I notice there¡¯s no apanying blonde either. ¡°Hey ¡­ Did you have a good night?¡± I try to sound bright and bring his eyes back to my face but he¡¯s still watching me, making me self-conscious. I gauge that he¡¯s on the upper limits of drunkenness. A ten plus on the Carrero scale; he¡¯s really overdone it tonight. ¡°You should havee, tiny.¡± He slurs badly. I don¡¯t know why he always asks, as I always refuse. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. It¡¯s not my thing. I just smile tightly, willing him to go to bed so I can make a break for it and cover up. I move to walk past him, but he steps in front of me clumsily as he tries to walk to the fridge at the same time. There¡¯s an awkward pause and we bothugh nervously. Okay, this is beyond weird. I think he feels just as ufortable about seeing me so underdressed as this doesn¡¯t feel like our normal atmosphere. I¡¯m feeling overly sensitive to his body and movements, so close to me in a way I¡¯ve never experienced, and I don¡¯t like it at all. The amount of naked skin on show I have is tingling with the heat he¡¯s emanating. I can almost feel a sizzle of electricity in the air, it¡¯s so tense. ¡°I¡¯ll leave you to it.¡± He smiles and sways slightly toward me and I put out my hand to steady him. I¡¯ve probably never seen him reach swaying point before and this weird, whatever it is, has us both acting odd. Just how much has he had to drink tonight? Jeeze, he smells like a brewery and then some. He looks alien to me and not like Jake at all. ¡°You¡¯re really drunk, aren¡¯t you?¡± Normally drunk Carrero amuses me, but there¡¯s something off and I¡¯m aware of every thump of my heartbeat and my own shallow breathing. The weird tension that¡¯s making me stiffen and my body can sense the difference between us. ¡°I am!¡± He breathes but makes no effort to move away. I take my hand from his arm and wrap my arms around myself protectively, in a bid to cover cleavage and exposed body, really unsure now. All I manage to do is create more cleavage, so I loosen my arms again, embarrassed. I don¡¯t recognize him, the heaviness of his voice, the darkness of his normally clear green eyes that most definitely take in a long slow look at the aforementioned cleavage, the facial expression and bodynguage. I experience a huge pang for sober, normal Jake right now. As though he¡¯s gone away somehow. ¡°You cold?¡± his handes up to touch my shoulder and I jump. Crap. I¡¯m nervous. Why? It¡¯s Jake! I¡¯m being stupid. Is it because I¡¯m dressed this way and he¡¯s looking at me like that? Jake would never hurt me in that way. I¡¯m exposed and self-conscious and it feels like I¡¯m naked. Overly vulnerable, and vulnerable is not something I can do, it¡¯s making me edgy. ¡°Sorry ¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to ¡­¡± His voice is breathy, and he steps back, slightly swaying again. ¡°No, it¡¯s okay ¡­ Sorry, I¡¯m just ¡­¡± I¡¯m just what? Jumpy as shit! Freaking out over nothing. ¡°Just what?¡± The expression on his face changes to concern and I realize he does look the same. He¡¯s still in there, my sweet, safe Jake and feel stupidly relieved. I can¡¯t control the nervousughter that bubbles from my throat in a very non-Emma like way. ¡°Nothing, I¡¯m half asleep ¡­ I¡¯m going to bed.¡± I step back from him with a sudden need for personal space and move to walk around him. ¡°Emma?¡± he slurs. Chapter 29 Chapter 29 ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°I like this.¡± His fingertips skirt down the side of my stomach gently, causing me to inhale sharply in response. I flinch and move back, reeling, unsure. His touch feels so different ¡­ So not Jake! It makes my skin tingle and erupt, then crawl back in revulsion and fear. I don¡¯t even want to evaluate whether it is good or bad. It¡¯s wrong. It¡¯s too intimate. He lifts his hands defensively because he knows he¡¯s overstepped the mark. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Emma. I¡¯m going to bed ¡­ I¡¯m drunk as fuck.¡± He looks pained and uneasy. ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s fine. Go to bed.¡± I know I¡¯m stiff and tense, I can hear the coldness in my own voice, my heart pounding erratically like a scared deer caught in headlights. ¡°Don¡¯t say it like that.¡± He moves forward gently, lifting his fingers to trace my jaw, his eyes locking with mine. ¡°I would never do anything to you, Emma.¡± He sways forward again, bumping noses with me because he¡¯s too close and incapable of steadiness. His handes to my shoulder to steady himself and moves back slightly. I can¡¯t rx, this is not my Jake. This is a glimpse of Casanova Carrero; someone I¡¯ve only seen at a distance, someone who has never turned his attention on me. I¡¯m motionless, focused on every touch and movement, pinned by fear. Memories of a million dark nights and hot breaths near my face, shing through my head at a million frames a second. I feel as though I¡¯m suffocating. He leans in quickly, so quickly that I can¡¯t counteract, and his lips meet mine both soft and warm yet surrounded by the smell of alcohol. His handes to cup my face gently and pulls me in against his. I freeze, every piece of my body caught in time and I¡¯m suddenly detached, like it¡¯s happening to someone else and I¡¯ve lost the ability to do anything. To stop it. His fingers tug my chin down, opening my mouth slightly as he fully connects, his tongue sliding lightly over my bottom lip ¡­ gently ¡­ slowly ¡­ And I recoil. Sense finally hitting me. The panic searing through me is like an electric shock and I shove him away, hard. I¡¯m breathless and panicking. Teen Emma is making herself known and I feel like the room is spinning around me while the blood rushing through my ears is louder than I can bear. My head just might explode. ¡°Shit. Emma ¡­ Shit.¡± He seems flustered as he tries to grab for my arms and I start struggling away from him, to avoid the contact. Caught in my own terror. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Emma. I¡¯m sorry ¡­¡± he tries to grab me to make it right, but I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t let him touch me. My skin is on fire and everything is spinning out of control. I need air, I need space, I need solitude. I need away from him. I¡¯m so confused that I don¡¯t even know how I feel right now and he¡¯s stifling me with his sheer closeness. ¡°I ¡­ Need ¡­ To ¡­ Go.¡± I finally manage a few struggled words, my legs aching to run far, far away from him, the instilled fight or flight instinct kicking into action. He releases my wrist, having finally caught it and quickly moves out of my way. I can¡¯t look at him, I can¡¯t trust myself to slide past him, so I take a huge arc, keeping him at arm¡¯s length. I move fast and run to my room, mming the door behind me,tching it, and sliding to the floor in a crumpled, unposed heap. Everything reeling and dipping around me and I know I¡¯m either going to pass out or throw up. I lean forward, putting my face on the floor, trying to calm the chaos of my mind in the darkness of my room. I¡¯m panting. I need to pull in these spiraling thoughts, rationalize what just happened. Jake was drunk, really drunk. I¡¯ve never seen him that bad. I¡¯m amazed he¡¯s still upright. I must have given him signals, encouraged it? I must have looked wanton dressed this way ¡­ I asked for this! Isn¡¯t that what I do? I give off signals that make men want to do things to me? But Jake¡¯s not like that. Jake doesn¡¯t need to do that; he¡¯s never given me any inclination that he ever would. Isn¡¯t that why I rx around him? He has every woman he could ever want, falling at his feet; this must be me. I had to have looked at him in some way or sent some unintentional signal to him to make him kiss me. I¡¯m racked with guilt and shame, just like so many times before when my mother¡¯s boyfriends tried to touch me, tried to kiss me, tried to take my night clothes off. I can¡¯t even think about his mouth on mine. I don¡¯t want to. I can¡¯t even begin to process it; it didn¡¯t feel like anything I couldpare it to. I had no point of reference to what I was feeling at that moment. I have been kissed before; it¡¯s why I don¡¯t like it. Forced harsh mouths against mine, trying to pry my mouth open cruelly. I resisted them all; bit, squirmed, and wed. But Jake¡¯s kiss hadn¡¯t been forced, it was soft, and for a fleeting moment my mouth responded, opened and stilled as his tongue slid over my lip. I push the memory away harshly. Stop it! This is fucked-up ¡­ This is wrong; he¡¯s my friend. He¡¯s my boss! I hadn¡¯t let my two boyfriends kiss me at all, I turned my head, even when I finally felt pushed to have sex with them. And hadn¡¯t I only even done that because I felt I was supposed to? I hadn¡¯t wanted them to kiss me. It reminded me too much of things I didn¡¯t need to remember anymore. So why the hell did I let Jake kiss me just then? *** I don¡¯t get much sleep. I stare at the ceiling listening to the silence in the dark before dawn finally tugs me out of bed. I jog alone at 6.00 a.m. the familiar route I normally take with Jake, but he¡¯s still in bed and avoiding him is my only n of action this morning. I pound the picturesque streets of Seattle with my soft-soled running shoes and try to bring back all the calm and control that rules my life. We need to forgetst night ever happened if we¡¯re to move on. I need to stop over analyzing and obsessing over it and forget it ever happened. He was drunk! Jake¡¯s impulsive and sometimes irrational when he¡¯s drunk; he can be unpredictable and foolish, and I shouldn¡¯t put any weight onst night at all. He¡¯s a born womanizer andst night with beer goggles on I was just another possible conquest who was obviously giving him some sort of come-on signs. I shower and eat in my room and pack my suitcase. We¡¯re heading home today, the flights set for noon, so we have some time to kill. Jake¡¯s private jet, so it¡¯s not like we have a check in to deal with. The sitting room looks normal and serene, but it just feels ustrophobic to me. I try and settle with my laptop on the couch; it¡¯s still early so I sit with my bottle of water between my feet perched on the low coffee table. ¡°Emma ¡­ I¡¯m sorry aboutst night.¡± His voice startles me from behind and I jump. I¡¯ve been so immersed in thought; unaware he had even appeared. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°It¡¯s forgotten,¡± I respond a tad fast, and inwardly tell myself to calm down. The butterflies creeping up inside at his arrival and my heart pounds harshly. There¡¯s a rise of the heat on my cheeks, indicating a blush. Dammit! ¡°I had a lot to drink.¡± He sits down beside me on the couch resting his arms on his knees and leans toward me, so his eyes can fully lock onto mine. I know he¡¯s being the gentleman; I know it¡¯s my fault. I thought of nothing else all night. This is why I ran from Chicago and ran from angry teen Emma ¡­ to reinvent myself and to leave behind all the men, and my mother, who ruined my life. He is effortlessly on point this morning, freshly showered and bright eyed despite the fact he should have a hangover. ¡°I hadn¡¯t expected you to walk in, I was just getting a drink.¡± I ramble, overly bright, and trying to excuse my behavior. Trying to mask my uneasiness, trying to get back to yesterday. He watches me thoughtfully for a moment and then changes his gaze to the floor instead. ¡°When did you start wearing things like that to bed?¡± his tone drops. His whole demeanor alters slightly, and I realize he¡¯s never seen me in anything like that before. I always wear my toweling robe when I leave my room. ¡°Always.¡± Maybe that¡¯s the issue? I dress like someone who wants sex, even though I don¡¯t; maybe that¡¯s something I should consider changing. No. Stop thinking like that! ¡°I see.¡± His voice is low and brooding and he¡¯s watching me again, only this time oddly. I want to know what he¡¯s thinking. I want this to be over and the tension gone. I¡¯m trying to sit perfectly still and calm, but I¡¯m squirming inside. The way he¡¯s sitting has his T-shirt straining with tautness over his biceps and pecs in the best way and I try to focus on typing. I don¡¯t know who I¡¯m even typing to anymore. Chapter 30 Chapter 30 ¡°I¡¯m going for a run ¡­ I¡¯ll pack when I get back.¡± He makes to move away, but falters, reaching out, he shoves my shoulder so that myptop slips slightly. I snap my chin up to look at him, surprised, and identify the wariness and the glint of yful. He¡¯s trying to make amends; he¡¯s trying to smooth it over and get back to yesterday too. I rx with a sigh; there¡¯s my Jake, back to being adolescent, trying to make me smile and it¡¯s working. Our stupid juvenile way. ¡°I¡¯m suing you for sexual harassment.¡± I chuckle shyly. Making light of it all, hopeful that it¡¯ll work. My heart still beating fast, wanting to just let this go. ¡°I¡¯ll me Jack Daniels for my misdemeanors. I was in no way in control of my facultiesst night.¡± He smiles, filled with relief, the tension between us evaporates and he ruffles my hair in his irritating manner. ¡°Go away and have your run. Stop annoying me.¡± I mock pout and smile to myself as he wanders off, giving me a backward nce and a cheeky grin. We¡¯re okay. It¡¯s done ¡­ Back to how we were. Like it never happened. * * * I drop my pen several times and catch him frowning at me several more, alerting me to the fact I¡¯m twisting my hair absent-mindedly. When the hell did that habit return? That crap stopped months ago when I rxed with my new boss. I¡¯ve been so antsy and jumpy on this flight; I think it¡¯s theck of sleep. It¡¯s a six-hour flight, give or take, and so far, I¡¯ve spent most of it rereading the same document in front of me. My focus is shot so I slide theptop closed and check my cell for the twentieth time. Jake¡¯s now asleep in his seat, with headphones on, listening to his ylist before he dropped off. I smile as I recognize a song with the lyrics ¡°Cry Baby¡± ying quietly even from here. Our passing of jokes song. He appears rxed and young with a peaceful expression on that wless face. I¡¯ve seen him asleep a thousand times, but for some reason, right now, his face fascinates me. I forget that he¡¯s still only in his twenties. I know he¡¯s older than me, but still, it¡¯s only by two years at the most. Everything he handles, things he¡¯s capable of. I wonder if he will turn out like Carrero senior when he¡¯s older, work fueled and commandeering. No ¡­ Jake will always be this way. Cool and rxed like his mother. Effortlesslyid back and smiley. That happy look he always has in his eyes, the easy charm and smile he treats everyone to. I watch him for a while longer, finding peace in it, watching him breathe, watching himy motionless; fully trusting his staff to fly us home. I¡¯ve rarely slept on any of the flights at all. I¡¯m not a good flyer; something he teases me about it endlessly. Edgy and tense until wend as having to put my life in someone else¡¯s hands doesn¡¯t sit well with me; it¡¯s not easy. I stare out of the window and watch parts of a movie that doesn¡¯t really capture my attention for an hour. I know I keep adjusting my position and I pick up my pen so many times, just to have something to fiddle with. One edge for no reason. ¡°Rx!¡± His sleepy voice draws me to turn to face him, he¡¯s regarding me with heavy lids, all boyish yet handsome at the same time. My heart melts a little at that soft look. ¡°Hey,¡± I respond lightly. He looksfortable, still resting in the position he¡¯s slept in, but his green eyes focuszily on me across the aisle. We¡¯re sitting in opposite directions. ¡°I¡¯m trying.¡± I smile so it barely grazes my lips. ¡°I know something that will rx you.¡± He returns the same gesture, and I start frowning with the ghost of that smile on my lips. ¡°What?¡± suspicion rising internally. He rests his head back in its previous position and closes his eyes. Confidence returning to his tone. ¡°Two weeks on a yacht in the Caribbean ¡­ And you don¡¯t get to say no!¡± *** ¡°I¡¯m home,¡± I yell out into the apartment, dropping my keys on the hall table. There¡¯s soft jazz music coming from Sarah¡¯s room, the distinct smell of Marcus¡¯s aftershave in the sitting room, and a half empty bottle of wine and two sses on the table. I sigh, bristling inside and ponder showing up at Jake¡¯s apartment for the night as he offered. I should have stopped over, instead of the extra car journey home; we¡¯d be watching a movie by now. There¡¯s no response from the closed bedroom so I assume they don¡¯t want to be disturbed. I don¡¯t attempt to call out again. I just go to my room and dump my luggage by the bed, d to be home, yet at the same time the familiar pang of missing Jake is already washing over me. We have worked together so much over thest few months, glued side by side, so being apart feels abnormal. Even though we do asionally spend weekends apart, somehow the recent non-stop chaos of trips and work days flowing into each other has meant a long few weeks of barely, rarely, being separated and I guess it¡¯s why I feel it more now than ever. I haul open my suitcase and discard some of the dirtyundry into the hamper, plug my technology into the chargers on my desk and begin to change into nightwear. My cell vibrates across my desk and I glimpse the notification with Jake¡¯s name, lighting the screen. I pick It up with a smile that lifts my mood and I warm at the familiar notification. Jake Carrero has gifted you an iTunes song. I swipe open the screen without hesitation and open the email, beaming stupidly. Jake Carrero has sent you ¡°Bryan Adams¡± ¨C ¡°When You¡¯re Gone.¡± The grin spreads across my face widely and shake my head. I know the song well andugh at his cuteness. I guess he¡¯s feeling the same; like his right hand has been removed. Iugh at the pun, scrolling iTunes, looking for an appropriate title while listening to the song he¡¯s sent me. So very Jake, with his love of crooning rock stars. Despite the love lyrics most of the song mirrors how I feel so I send him back a gifted song. ¡°Are You Missing Me?¡± by Jim & Jesse McReynolds I have never heard it before, but the title makes me giggle. Iugh at its cheesy country-ness, knowing he will be amused by it too. I put my cell down and go back to unpacking my bags slowly, again interrupted by the vibration of my phone and another iTunes gift. Jake Carrero has sent you¡ªBon Jovi ¨C ¡°Always¡±. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. I can¡¯t help the wave of warmth, followed by the pang of sadness that ovees me. I really do miss him despite only leaving him less than an hour ago; he just has a way of getting into my head and under my skin. I wouldn¡¯t know how to carry on if he ever decided we were no longer to work together. The memory of what that kiss could have ruined shakes me inside and turns my blood cold. My cell vibrates in my hand again and my mother¡¯s cell number appears on the screen, instinct causing me to ruffle my brow. I take a deep steadying breath, letting out a sigh. I don¡¯t have time for her guilt trips tonight, I¡¯m tired and fed up, and all she ever does is make me feel bad for nevering home. I hesitate but answer despite my reservations. That ingrained guilty conscience she has burdened me with. ¡°Hello Mother.¡± I push out tly. ¡°Emma, hi,¡± A strange, young girl¡¯s voice answers, making me frown in confusion. Surprised by the voice. ¡°Is that Emma?¡± she asks with uncertainty. ¡°Speaking.¡± I reply tightly, unsure as to who she is or why she¡¯s using my mother¡¯s cell to call me. She sounds young, incredibly young. Early teens young and that riles up suspicion. ¡°Emma hi, my name¡¯s Sophie ¡­ Your mom¡¯s been helping me out.¡± She sounds scared, her voice wavering as trepidation moves up my spine. Sixth sense tingling that this is wrong. ¡°Mmm hmm.¡± I snap, aggravation building up; somehow deep inside me I can sense her apprehension and it¡¯s raising mine. I can feel the emotion in her voice and the fact she sounds scared. ¡°Your mom¡¯s in the hospital ¡­ You need toe home to Chicago ¡­ Someone really hurt her.¡± She all but bursts into tears. * * * Chapter 31 Chapter 31 Twenty minutes after I finally hang up on Sophie, I¡¯m sitting on my bed staring at the cell. Numb and raw at the same time. My heads reeling. Somehow my body and mind are detached. Someone has beaten my mother to within an inch of her life, left her for dead in her own apartment. My old home. Again! Sophie found her; a young teen from the homeless shelter that she¡¯s taken under her wing and let stay with her. The poor thing had been the one to find her, get her help. Just like I had so many years ago. She never changes. I get up and walk to Sarah¡¯s room, desperate to share my internal agony and find some calm in the chaos but discover it¡¯s empty. They¡¯re not even home; just the radio ying on low and I snap it off in irritation. I sigh and walk back to my room with spreading pain. My brain running through a memory of my mother this way once before, and I choke it back down. Refusing to feel it. When is she going to stop doing this crap to me? Is it not enough to go through all of this once? No. She has to keep going back, over and over, to the same kind of abusive rtionships. Like a moth to a goddamn me. Her choice of men my whole life is just one long bad memory of violence and abuse. She has a type and she attracts them, repeatedly. She never, ever, stood in the way of them, never stopped what they did. She chose her men over me so many times, letting them in, letting them hurt us both, and never once did she put my needs first. Not even her own needs, and here she is doing it all over again. She is caring for a fourteen-year-old girl and has just subjected her to the same sight I had seen at ten years of age; a sight which led to my being in a children¡¯s home for almost a year. Child services invading our life and taking me from an abusive environment and sending me to one that in my eyes was far worse ¡ª in a children¡¯s home. Only to return me when she promised that her life was different. That particr lover long gone, but we both knew a new one was around the corner any day. I learned to lie after that, to help cover up who she really was. That year in a home taught me that there are far worse people in the world than my mother when ites to parenting. I stare at my suitcase and can¡¯t stop the crushing weight consuming me. I¡¯ll have to go back there. I¡¯ll have to go home to Chicago after being away for almost six years. I want to cry; I want toy down open my mind and let it all pour away. I¡¯m deste and scared. An internal agony, threatening to consume me, vibrating inside my stomach. I never thought I would be in this ce ever again. I¡¯m scared and fear is not something I ever wanted back in my head. I pick up my cell and call Jake¡¯s number. It¡¯s impulse, something I do without a thought. He always knows how to make me smile, how to make me feel better. Just his voice on the other end will make me calmer. I need to tell him I¡¯ll be gone for a few days and maybe he¡¯ll let me use the jet, instead of commercial airlines to save me the misery of facing people for this two-hour flight. I just need to speak to him so badly I can almost taste it. Exclusive ? content by N(?)ve/l/Drama.Org. ¡°Hey,¡± He answers, after only two rings; he sounds cheerful and it tugs my heart into chaos even more so, picturing his smiling face and beautiful, clear emerald eyes. ¡°Jake ¡­ I need to go home ¡­ Back to Chicago.¡± My voice is shell shocked and small. I can¡¯t pretend right now, I¡¯m too raw to try. I try to control the waiver, but I fail, unable to contain my heartbreak at the sound of his deepforting tone. ¡°Emma? What¡¯s wrong, Miele? Are you crying?¡± his soft, soothing voice causes a solitary tear to slide from my eye and I wipe it away. Defenseless with him in my ear. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have called him. He sounds surprised to hear me tearful. ¡°No.¡± I lie. ¡°My mom¡¯s in the hospital ¡­ an ident.¡± I can¡¯t tell him that she¡¯s let another abusive man destroy her life and left her half-dead, open that can of worms and confessions. ¡°Shit ¡­ Do you want me toe with you? I¡¯ll call the airfield and get the jet ready.¡± He¡¯s concerned, my sweet Jake. I want to run into his arms and let him hug me, like he did in the hotel the morning we fought. What I would give to have him here right now. ¡°No ¡­ I have to do this alone.¡± I want him toe with me, so badly, but knowing what he would see, the questions he would ask, is unbearable. I don¡¯t want him to know that part of my past. Ever! ¡°If you¡¯re sure, Miele? I¡¯ll call the airfield. I¡¯ll send Jefferson to pick you up and take you to the airport. Just pack, okay?¡± He¡¯s reserved about it and doesn¡¯t push. ¡°Thank you.¡± I know I sound strange, even to myself. I wonder how I appear to him. I hope it¡¯s more in control than I feel but I don¡¯t want him to get off the cell and leave me with myself. ¡°You know, I¡¯lle if you want me to?¡± his husky statement makes me even more overly emotional and vulnerable. And it hits me in my chest like a thud. ¡°I know. I just can¡¯t, Jake ¡­ there are things ¡­¡± I stop myself. I was about to say too much; things he should never know about from my past life. He would never see me the same way again. ¡°One day, Emma ¡­ you¡¯ll want to tell me ¡­ I¡¯ll be here when you do.¡± He sighs with a heaviness and I¡¯m scared he¡¯ll go. I can¡¯t let him go just yet; my hands have started trembling and the tears building up in my throat, choking me with the ache. ¡°Jake?¡± I panic, not sure how else to stop him from going. ¡°What, Bambino?¡± his voice is breathy and he¡¯s being gentle with me. It¡¯s too much and the rip slowly tearing across my chest intensifies. A small sharp pain slicing through. I can¡¯t hold it in, and I break downpletely, unable to hide my sobs down the line. ¡°That¡¯s it, Emma! I¡¯ming over right now,¡± he states firmly with no hint of backing down in that commandeering tone. I can¡¯t respond, all I can do is try and refuse through tears, but only hysteriaes out. I hate that she¡¯s brought me back to this ce, brought down the walls and broken me open wide to the world, to Jake. All it took was the repeat of a buried memory. He says something else I don¡¯t hear over my own tears and the line goes dead. I can¡¯t even argue anymore. I curl up on the bed and cry my heart out in despair. Once again broken. I don¡¯t have the strength to deal with any of this, it¡¯s all too much, all falling apart after years of holding it all in, and I¡¯m so very tired tonight. I don¡¯t know how long Iy on the bed bubbling into my pillow, but I finally calm and realize I should call him back. Stop him froming over, but I¡¯m toote. I jump at the knock on the door and my heart lurches. I want him to leave, never to see me like this, but at the same time I need to see him. I rush to the door yanking it open without hesitation, all selfposure gone and reced with only the need to have him with me. Faced with the only person in the world I want to see right now. He says nothing, just stands there as my strong safe haven then steps in and wraps his arms around me tightly in the doorway. I fall to pieces with a tidal wave of pent-up tears breaking free and don¡¯t hold back. He holds me, patiently waiting, staying silent, just being my rock, holding me up, arms cradling me and fingers in my hair keeping me held steady. Finally, he guides me inside and pulls me to the sofa to sit me down, his face close and arms enveloped around me. I cling onto him as though my life depends on it and let all the tears and heartbreak out with fresh vigor. A million thoughts running through my head, swirling crazily. Emma who doesn¡¯t cry¡ªforgotten. Emma who never lets anyone see her vulnerable¡ªvacant. Strong Emma¡ªdissipated. ¡°Jefferson is downstairs,¡± he croons. ¡°The jet will be ready by the time we get there.¡± He pulls my chin up to his face and wipes away some of the wetness with his thumb. He knows I don¡¯t want to talk, so he¡¯s just being here. I want to tell him that he can¡¯te, but I don¡¯t have the strength. I allow him to pull me to my feet, toward my bedroom and he leaves me at my door; pulls my empty suitcase from the floor where I left it, hauls open my wardrobe and starts throwing in random clothes haphazardly. This makes meugh through my tears, breaking the pain. Jake looks hopeless as a domestic and I shake my head at him, pushing him aside gently. ¡°If you want me dressed in sweats and blouses for the next few days, then you¡¯re going about it the right way,¡± I sniff through a runny nose and hazy vision and start pulling out the clothes and packing my things properly, getting items out I¡¯ll actually need. The focus brings my emotions into check and soothes me fully. Tasks always do that. He moves back and stands watching me, looming close by, hovering as though I may keel over at any moment. Chapter 32 Chapter 32 ¡°Might be a sexy fresh look for you, Ems. You¡¯re cute enough to pull it off.¡± He smiles at me and I sigh, pulling myself back together and dry my face on my sleeve. I take the gadgets he hands me from my desk and put them in the base of the suitcase, gently wrapping them in the protective sleeves I leave in there. My mind is blocking out any thoughts about my mother lying in a hospital bed right now and I don¡¯t even want to process this anymore. ¡°I can¡¯t let youe Jake ¡­ I don¡¯t want you to see her like she is.¡± I nce at him nervously. Stomach churning. ¡°Why, Emma? You haven¡¯t told me what happened.¡± He moves behind me, taking a strand of my loose hair and tucks it behind my ear; a normal Jake gesture which serves to make me feel fully calm. Safe. His presence and touch like a balm. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to know ¡­ It¡¯s too ¡­ There are things about my life before here, that should stay in the past.¡± I nce back at him pleadingly seeing his frown soften into a gentle smile as he hides his disappointment well. ¡°Okay, Emma ¡­ I promised I wouldn¡¯t push.¡± He inhales heavily, defeated in a way. ¡°But you better call me every night and keep me updated ¡­ If you need me, I¡¯ll be there in a heartbeat. Can¡¯t leave my number one girl coping alone when she¡¯s upset.¡± He brushes another strand of my hair behind my ear gently, his fingers lingering, brushing softly over my cheek bone. His green eyes locked on mine steadily. ¡°Promise me?¡± ¡°I promise.¡± I nod, basking in the caress and turn away to continue packing. Poor Jefferson has been sitting down in the car for long enough already, and I have a two-hour flight to take, minimum. Then after that I must face a sight, I already know will be unbearable in so many ways. When I¡¯m done packing, I go into Sarah¡¯s room to leave her a note. I don¡¯t want to call her and say the actual words in front of Jake. Her bed is a riot of covers and clothes and I can only guess they¡¯ve gone for a night out on the town, not that it bothers me. We lead separate lives nowadays. I leave the note on her mirror and close the door as I exit. In a way I¡¯m d she¡¯s not here; not having to exin with Jake so close by about what¡¯s happened to my mother for the second time in my life. Not having to deal with that knowing look on her face, thinking exactly as I do. Will she ever change? Jake apanies me to the airfield and deposits me on the ne personally. Hugging me goodbye, he makes me promise that I¡¯ll call when Ind in Chicago and every night that I¡¯m gone. I am torn in two at leaving him and not wanting him to see who I used to be. I need him far away from that part of me right now, but I am distraught to walk away from him. Reluctantly, I let him go; nked by the onboard hostess taking my coat and bag, Jefferson depositing my suitcase on the ne himself. He waves from the tarmac and I head to my seat, shutting out every thought and emotion, holding myself in to focus on the long flight ahead and all that I¡¯m about to encounter. *** Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. It¡¯s the middle of the night by the time wend in Chicago, and the hired driver takes me to West Englewood. The streets are badly lit, but don¡¯t conceal the grubbiness or derelict area from view. The streets, although busy with traffic, seem almost deserted. The aura of poverty and hardship reflected in the brown buildings and scruffy stores and I get that old ripple of trepidation as unease moves through me and that weight of emptiness I used to feel at being here returns with a vengeance. I¡¯m to meet Sophie at my old home, the apartment that my mother has lived in since the day she brought me home from the hospital. My mother is stable in St Bernard Hospital, but I won¡¯t be able to see her until morning to assess how much damage has been done. I¡¯m still numb with a tinge of anger even thinking about her. I know this isn¡¯t natural¡ªshe¡¯s my mother. I should feel concern, devastation, worry even, but I don¡¯t. I¡¯m cold and empty and upset. Enraged at her, that she just keeps following the same path in life, over and over. She¡¯s my mother, yet all she ever taught me was that the people who are supposed to be there for you, above everyone else, only have their own interests at heart. She did teach me one valuable lesson though: the only way to get through life is to trust no one except yourself. Self-reliance is the only way to live, and never let anyone get close enough to damage you irreversibly. She taught me that men will only look to overpower you and abuse you, that she is so weak in her quest to find a man that she epts any form of control they exert. Any punishments they hand out. She disgusts me. I¡¯ll never be like her. The car pulls up in front of the scruffy convenience store, its lights flickering in the dark, the letters peeling, paint chipped, and exterior ugly. The apartments above are brown and grubby. The windows appear dark and dirty from down here, an icy shiver coursing through me and I shudder. Home sweet home. The driver gets out and retrieves my bags from the trunk, but I tell him I¡¯ll take them into the apartment myself. I don¡¯t want anyone in there, nor do I need his help. He reluctantly hands me the bags and watches me walk around to the side door, which is concealed by shrubs, into the main foyer of the building before he leaves. It¡¯s narrow and stinks of rotten food and urine causing me to wrinkle my nose in disgust. I push my way up the stairs to the topnding, straight to the scratched blue front door which met me every day of my young life. There¡¯s a light on inside shining through the ss indicating Sophie is here as nned. I stop and knock on the door with a sharp tap. Sophie opens it quickly. I guess she¡¯s been watching for my arrival. She¡¯s not what I expected and appears a lot younger in person than the age she told me on the phone. She¡¯s small and wiry with long tawny hair and vibrant blue eyes. She looks exactly as I did at the same age, even the pouting lips and innocent, naive expression. It tugs at my chest and I wonder if my mother sees me in this girl and that¡¯s why she feelspelled to help her. The thought makes me snigger internally. My mother was always good at seeking out those in need of help, offering her shoulder and arms, driven to be a good Samaritan. Yet she failed her own child in ways she has no way to fathom. Still, to this day,pletely oblivious to the fact she was no mother at all. All her energy at trying to be a better person for other people, to help them. Ironic really. Sophie is shy and sweet and leads me through to the open n sitting room. She tells me she¡¯s cleaned up the apartment for me, removing all traces of the attack after the police were done in here. She is obviously nervous. I nce around numbly; it¡¯s exactly how I remember it. Nothing has changed, not even the paintwork. The bohemian, almost hippy like d¨¦cor, cushions and throws and mismatched furniture, the odd pieces of art from junk shops hung on the walls. The whole ce crammed and cluttered. The smell of cleaners and incense lingering in the air bring back memories of so many nights locked within these walls, praying for the day I could run far, far away. A memory of her battered and broken body by the couch when I was ten years old flits to mind, like a bile in my throat but I push it down with the wave of emotions and anger. I¡¯ll not allow myself to think about her until I see her tomorrow. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind, I¡¯ve been staying in your old room ¡­¡± Sophie blinks at me shyly, warily, but I give her a friendly smile. ¡°It¡¯s fine, I won¡¯t be here for long ¡­ couple of days at most ¡­ I¡¯ll use my mother¡¯s room.¡± I appraised her, up and down again as she heads into the kitchen and makes us coffee. Watching the childish mannerisms and her obvious maturity for her age contradicting one other much like I always had. It¡¯s late, she should be in bed but I¡¯m curious about her. ¡°So, do you know who did this to my mother?¡± I ask outright to get it over and done with; time to have the talk I¡¯ve been dreading. She flickers hershes up warily and shakes her head abruptly. I catch the apprehension and immediately wonder if she¡¯s lying. I used to lie for my mother on a daily basis. I know the signs. ¡°Does she have a new boyfriend?¡± I coax, although I know nothing of the men she knows nowadays. What does it matter? Do I even really care? ¡°Yeah ¡­ I never met him; I don¡¯t know his name ¡­¡± She can¡¯t look me in the eye, and I know pushing her will tell me nothing. I had the same look of determination at that age, guarding my mother¡¯s secrets as though my life depended on it. I know she knows who he is. ¡°You found her? How bad is it?¡± I sit at the table, crossing my hands with precision; shees over with the mugs, sliding mine before me and sits opposite. There¡¯s something so fragile about her yet so strong and capable and I find it hard to believe she¡¯s only fourteen despite how she looks. Chapter 33 Chapter 33 Why are her parents not looking for her? How long has she been here? She is too young and vulnerable to be alone. ¡°Yes ¡­ I came home from school ¡­ she wasn¡¯t conscious at the time, but she came around when the ambnce got here. I think it looks worse than it is. Maybe a broken arm ¡­ ribs ¡­ her face is a mess.¡± She drops her gaze to her hands the whole time she talks, and I note that they¡¯re trembling. I think the girl may be in minor shock, even still, feeling instantpassion for her. This is not her burden to bear. ¡°The man was gone I take it?¡± I try a different approach. ¡°She was alone, I have a key, so I let myself in.¡± I see it fully this time, the slight waver in her lip, the darting of her eye. She¡¯s hiding the fact that she knows who did this. She doesn¡¯t know me, and I know from experience she will never tell me unless I gain her trust. ¡°Do you want toe to the hospital with me in the morning?¡± I ask, sipping my coffee and watching her, remaining calm and steady. She moves in her seat uneasily and nods. ¡°Go to bed, Sophie. I¡¯ll get you up in the morning for breakfast.¡± I smile warmly at her as the look of confusion spreads across her face. I want this girl to know I only have her best interests at heart, that I¡¯m nothing like my mother. She uses people like Sophie as a balm; self-gratification in helping people in need. ¡°I normally do breakfast and get your mother up.¡± She blushes as though she¡¯s said something wrong and the anger simmers deep down inside me. Sizzling with fire. Of course, she¡¯s living my old life. Being the caretaker, the cook, the cleaner, the mature responsible one while my mother is the eternal victim. Nothing changes.Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°Not while I¡¯m here, Sophie ¡­ You get to be the kid for a few days.¡± I want to ask her about her life, why she¡¯s even here, how she ended up in the homeless shelter¡ªmeeting my mother, but I know it¡¯s late. I¡¯ll have time to talk to this girl, save her from a life she doesn¡¯t need with a woman who can barely look after herself, let alone a teen. I won¡¯t let Sophie have the childhood with my mother that I endured. That much I can promise. This ends here. * * * After I¡¯ve cleaned up our mugs and straightened the kitchen a little, I head to my mother¡¯s room pulling out my cell to call Jake while sprawling across theforter. He answers immediately, d that I¡¯m here and that I sound okay. I¡¯ve nothing much to tell him, simply happy to hear his voice. I tell him that I won¡¯t see my mother until tomorrow and don¡¯t want to talk about her tonight. He makes meugh, talks about how much he¡¯s pining in my absence and being silly. My usual cheeky Jake and that¡¯s what I need right now. ¡°You know, tiny toots. I don¡¯t have anything much going on. Just Daniel¡¯s birthday.¡± Daniel protests in the background in response, but Jake ignores him. ¡°I could hop a ne and keep youpany?¡± he seems serious, despite the casual tone to his voice. An undertone I recognize. ¡°He¡¯s your best friend, you can¡¯t bail on his birthday bash.¡± I object but sigh at just how much I adore him for it. ¡°I¡¯m sure he won¡¯t even notice if I¡¯m not there; he has a new porn star to keep him upied. This one has even bigger breasts than thest. I swear he¡¯s going to die from imnt suffocation one of these days.¡± Again, Daniel¡¯s voice as he reacts to what Jake is saying but it¡¯s not clear. Jake muffles a reply to him with a jibe and then augh as he tells him to stop eavesdropping like a girl. Men! Iugh at Jake¡¯s joke, trying to picture Daniel with another brainless bimbo. He seems to choose girls who wear underwear as day wear and have a collective IQ of four. ¡°I needed that.¡± I giggle as I wipe moisture from my eyes, smiling like a fool. ¡°You always cheer me up, you know?¡± ¡°It¡¯s my job, Bambino. As your official shoulder to cry on.¡± He sounds like he¡¯s moving around, and I recognize the noise of jangling keys. My mood dying because I know he has to go. ¡°Are you getting ready to go out with him now?¡± I probe, wishing he was here. That heavy feeling that soon he will need to hang up and I don¡¯t want him to. ¡°Sure am, but I can change ns if you say the word. One little word, Ems and I¡¯m on a ne to windy Chicago.¡± ¡°Jake. Don¡¯t ¡­ I¡¯m okay, really.¡± I brush him off ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach while hating myself for refusing him. He sighs noticeably and the humor drops from his tone. ¡°I just want to be there for you and make sure you¡¯re all right, Emma. Is that so wrong?¡± The pleading edge is so far removed from who he is, and it just stirs guilt. My heart constricting for him while picturing that wounded face. ¡°No. It¡¯s justplicated with my mother and I don¡¯t want this life to touch on the one I have now.¡± I try to exin, hoping he won¡¯t get annoyed. That he¡¯ll understand. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll just have to get smashed out of my head and drunk call you in the early hours then, Miele. Better get prepared for it.¡± He chuckles softly, and I just shake my head, mockingly groaning. To ease the tension. ¡°Please ¡­ Just no asking me to research any fetishes for you. I don¡¯t want to know what weird and kinky things you get up to on nights out.¡± I grimace at the thought, pushing that horrid tightness in the pit of my stomach away. ¡°I could alwayse and show you some of the weird and kinky ¡­¡± ¡°Jake!¡± I break inughing fully, relieved at his inuendo on the other end of the line. His mood back to fun. ¡°Can¡¯t me a guy for trying.¡± There¡¯s the return of that smirk in his voice. Back to cheeky and who I miss most. ¡°You never stop trying.¡± I point out with a raised brow. ¡°I need to go, it¡¯s gettingte and I have to get up early.¡± ¡°Okay, shorty, call me tomorrow okay? I swear I¡¯ll try not to drunk dial you, but I ain¡¯t making no promises. For some reason, your cute little facees into my head when I want to have 4.00 a.m. drunken chats about the weather, cats, and weird fetishes.¡± Heughs, a deep, hearty, tumbling noise that only highlights how far away he is. ¡°Go away, Carrero. I¡¯ll be silencing my cell, so you can¡¯t do that to me again.¡± Iugh convincingly, hiding the pang of sadness coursing through me at having to hang up. ¡°Sweet dreams, Be. Dream of your sexy boss, I hear he¡¯s a big manly hunk.¡± I roll my eyes and sigh heavily, shifting on the bed where I have gotten rtivelyfy. ¡°You know you could bottle all your excess ego and make a killing with it as a new Carrero product. You certainly have enough to spare.¡± A jest, lingering and cradling my cell to keep him on for a few more seconds. ¡°Good idea, Anderson. I notice you never disagreed that I was your hunky boss though. That¡¯ll keep me warm tonight.¡± I can almost hear his winking down the line. ¡°Go to bed. Sleep tight and don¡¯t let the bed bugs bite ¡­ That¡¯s my job, Bambino.¡± ¡°So many things I could sue you for, boss! I should record our telephone calls. I would make a killing in lawsuits,¡± I jibe back, my mood is definitely lighter with his jokes. ¡°Baby, you would miss my attempts at sexually harassing you. I don¡¯t want you thinking that you¡¯re some ugly little pudding that no man wants to bed. I have to keep your self-esteem high, to keep up with mine.¡± ¡°Jake, I¡¯m hanging up now, I can tell you¡¯re already on the vodka.¡± There¡¯s a faint voice behind him that sounds a lot like Daniel Hunter again. Still eavesdropping. ¡°Whiskey actually! I like my drinks to put hairs on my chest. Goodnight, Emma. I miss you, kiddo.¡± The smile in his voice makes me picture his best Hollywood, Sex God smile and dimples and again the pit in my stomach starts aching. ¡°I miss you too, Jake. Goodnight.¡± I really do. I reluctantly put the cell down, wishing he was here with me. Even just his light carefree banter for ten minutes is enough to put my whole evening in a better mood. Sighing and getting ready for bed, I let nothing but thoughts of him fill my head while keeping the shadows at bay. I find that he¡¯s on my mind as I fall asleep, not my return to Chicago and it helps push me to peaceful slumber. * * * Chapter 34 Chapter 34 In the morning light I tidy up and make breakfast for us both. Scrambled eggs, toast, coffee, and a smile as Sophie wanders through already dressed in jeans and a hoody, with sneakers. Her hair in a boyish ponytail. She¡¯s an early riser like me. She sits awkwardly at the table as though she feels like she should be helping, but I brush it away with a warm beam and put her te and mug in front of her. I genuinely like the girl; even in such a brief time, there¡¯s something about her. I sit down to face her and let her eat for a few minutes whereas I can only pick at mine. My appetite is gone knowing we¡¯re going to see my mother this morning. Teenage anxiety in full force. ¡°So, Sophie, tell me about you ¡­ How did you end up here in Sunnyside?¡± I keep my tone bright and easy knowing if she¡¯s as guarded a person as me, then she will never open up if I don¡¯t tread carefully. She hesitates. ¡°I ran away from home ¡­ I had enough money to get on a bus and I just chose the first one ¡­ It brought me here, and I found the homeless shelter.¡± She avoids looking at me while she speaks, the telltale tinge of color high on her cheeks. She¡¯s trying to sound nonchnt, but her bodynguage gives her away. Her fork rattles lightly showing her hands are trembling. ¡°Who, or what, were you running from?¡± I coax gently, lifting my mug and sipping slowly. Trying not to stare, trying to act like I¡¯m engrossed in my mug instead. I used to hate coffee, but somehow Jake, like he does with everything else, got me used to it. It reminds me of him. ¡°My dad ¡­¡± She flushes, fully red in the face and shifts in her chair. I bite my lip, holding back the feeling that rises inside of me; a deep heavy pit of sadness for this girl as I click on why that might be. Showing too much emotion will make her m up but showing any form of sympathy will only bring her walls up fast. ¡°Physical or sexual?¡± I can almost see into her soul instantly and I can¡¯t tear my gaze from her. I can sense that she doesn¡¯t want to shut me out, even though it¡¯s hard for her to say the words. She¡¯s offering me a slight insight although she shudders. I hit the nail on the head. ¡°Both.¡± A single tear edges its way out from her eye, and she brushes it away, tightening her face, reigning in the pain, and recing it with a defiant look. She¡¯s like a mirror image to my teen Emma and seeing it on someone else for the first time causes me so much conflict. My heart breaks for her. Is this what Jake sees when I let him in, only to close that door? Do I do that? Look hopeless and vulnerable, then shut it down with fire and aggression. I swallow hard, pushing the thought away and focus on her face. ¡°They haven¡¯t tried to find you?¡± I probe gently, trying to feel out the situation and not pondering on what she wouldn¡¯t want me to pick at. My throat tight with feeling. ¡°My mother told me to go ¡­ She gave me what money she had so I could get far away from him.¡± She still can¡¯t make eye contact and the rage inside of me swells on her behalf. A mother just like mine, yet she had the misfortune to fall into thep of another, who would never protect her. ¡°What are your ns now that you¡¯re here?¡± I push on, wanting to know if she has tied herself to my mother for the long-term. ¡°Jocelyn enrolled me in school, but we never really decided on how long I would stay; indefinitely, I guess. I don¡¯t have anywhere else to go so until I finish school I ¡®ll be here.¡± She sips her coffee and comes to nce back at me, full on wide-eyed mistrust. A deep weight hits low in my stomach, knowing that for the foreseeable future she will be in my mother¡¯s life, under her care. I just can¡¯t. ¡°My mother is no good for you, Sophie ¡­ She¡¯s not the protector and carer that she pretends to be ¡­ This ¡­ Incident ¡­ It¡¯s not a one-off.¡± I want her to understand that staying here will not benefit her in any way. Her eyes flick to me quickly, and I¡¯m hit with a moment of hesitation and fear; she thinks I¡¯m telling her she needs to go. ¡°Sophie, I would like to take you back to New York with me when I leave ¡­ I have friends who work with abused children who can find you a better life than this.¡± I lock eyes sincerely, knowing I can¡¯t let the circle of abuse continue. I can¡¯t let this girl have the life I had. Jake¡¯s mother helps run a charity for damaged children, she will know what to do, find her a shelter or foster home and protect her. Jake would do that for me. I know without hesitation that he would do that for Sophie if I asked him. ¡°I can¡¯t just leave her ¡­ She needs me to help look after her. She was so kind to me and gave me a room here, instead of at the shelter.¡± She protests with wide eyes, dropping her fork in rm. Her panic evident. And there I see it, in her determined response. Emma shining through, that need to protect her, make excuses, the guilt at leaving her. She really has woven her pathetic spell over this girl, just as she had done to me all those years. I sigh dejectedly; I love my mother for the fact that she¡¯s my mother, but I don¡¯t love who she can be. I shake my head apologetically. ¡°Sophie ¡­ My mother will always be a victim in her own life, because it¡¯s the path she chooses over everyone else. She¡¯ll do it to you, no matter how much you do for her.¡± I reach out and cover her small smooth hand with mine, relieved that she doesn¡¯t pull away. ¡°She maybe won¡¯t be the one who hits you, calls you names, abuses you, but she will stand by and let them and do nothing to protect you. She¡¯ll look at you like you¡¯re to me when she loses another precious man who can¡¯t keep his hands to himself.¡± I realize as my eyes fill with emotion that this girl is probably the first person in the world that I¡¯ve opened up to in this way, without coercion. Mini Emma. I¡¯ll not leave her here when I go, I¡¯ll make her life something I always dreamed of. I can¡¯t exin why the feeling is so powerful, but I know I have to save her. ¡°I can promise you, Sophie ¡­ I¡¯m not her, I¡¯m nothing like her ¡­ I¡¯ll do everything in my power to change your life and protect you.¡± I swear, I will. Sophie finally looks up at me and the silent message that passes between us, a bond between kindred souls who recognize each other¡¯s pain. Recognizing a fellow sufferer who understands. She nods as a tear silently slides down her adorable face. There¡¯s wetness on my own cheek as quenched emotion slides out and it surprises me. She tightens her fingers into mine, that small gesture, an instant bond between young teen Emma and mature adult Emma. I can see myself in her eyes, and she believes my genuine concern and conviction. She¡¯ll let me take her away from all of this, and at least save one soul from the all-consuming energy that is my mother and her train wreck of a life. * * * The hospital is as every other in the state: clinical, white, and blue, sterile halls and rooms, and the strong odor of chemicals with a dingy taint in the air. Sophie is holding my hand as we walk, and she looks so noticeably young and afraid. My gut instinct is to haul her close to my side and ce a protective arm about her shoulders and the thought makes me smile. Who knew I was maternal? I do exactly that and meet no resistance from her. Jake and his over-familiar, hands-on way of life has turned me into a touchy-feely just like him but I¡¯m not mad at it. Does he see me this way? Is this why he¡¯s so hands-on? That strong urge to protect me, seeing glimpses of unsure scared Emma under the mask. The thought warms me inside and I miss him so badly it aches in the depth of my stomach. Sophie seems to rx in my embrace as we walk inpanionable silence. We may only have just met, but we both sense a deep instant connection with one another I¡¯ve never felt with anyone else. It¡¯s almost as though I¡¯ve just discovered a little sister, with my story to tell. We finally enter the side room and I get my first glimpse of my mother. I release Sophie and she swiftly goes to her bedside and lifts her hand tenderly. I can¡¯t deny the genuine love I see in Sophie¡¯s face, yet I feel only irritation. My mother¡¯s appearance causes me to take a sharp intake of breath, but I steady myself to hide it. I must be strong for the girl¡¯s sake, be her rock, like no one ever was for me. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. My mother¡¯s face is swollen, bruised, and scraped up, almost beyond recognition. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Her left arm is in a cast and her body, concealed by covers and sheets, looks thinner and more fragile than I remember. I scan the clipboard of notes quickly, able to determine that most of her injuries are minor; the broken arm and concussion seem to be most of the worst. She moves as she awakens and sps Sophie¡¯s hand, an attempt at a smile on her face. She hasn¡¯t seen me yet and I hold back. ¡°Emma is here.¡± Sophie breathes softly and looks toward me with a smile. Her blue eyes cloudy with the strain of trying not to cry. It tugs at my heart as my mother¡¯s face follows, breaking into a wuthering smile when she sees me. Chapter 35 Chapter 35 ¡°Emma! My little girl.¡± She releases Sophie¡¯s hand and reaches out to me, her other one bound in a cast and strapped to her chest. I hesitate, straighten my tailored pants, and blouse and walk toward her dutifully, bracing myself so that I stay calm and in control. ¡°Mother.¡± I take her hand; it¡¯s cold and smooth but feels like skin and bone and it angers me. She¡¯s obviously not eating properly again, so caught up in another affair of the heart, bogged down with infatuation. She was always good at ignoring her own basic needs when wrapped up in another unhealthy rtionship. ¡°It¡¯s so good to see you ¡­ You came home to Chicago for me!¡± her voice is soft and injured causing the reaction to catch in my throat. Guilt, tears, anger, a chaos of emotions, and I can¡¯t look at her in the face, already ufortable holding her hand. I re out the side window over the buildings in Chicago and the dull weather outside, trying to remain impassive. Trying to steel against all that she makes me feel. I want her to cut the crap with the over sentimental greeting, it¡¯s obviously purely for Sophie¡¯s benefit. ¡°What have you told the police?¡± I smart. I don¡¯t want to do this tear-jerking deep conversation crap with her. I just want to make sure she¡¯s okay, that she¡¯s healing, then I want to get the hell out of this ce. As soon as earthly possible. ¡°Emma, please? You know it¡¯s never that straightforward,¡± she whines, and I bristle and drop her hand coldly. My face snapping around to lock eyes with her in impulsive rage. Same old familiar conversation. ¡°You¡¯re kidding me, right?¡± I snort in disbelief, spinning my body around to match my re. ¡°You have no idea, Emma, you don¡¯t know what happened.¡± Her voice seems suddenly stronger, losing all ounce of vulnerability now that I¡¯m peeking anger at her. ¡°I don¡¯t need to, it never changes. Who was it this time? Another five-minute romance or is this someone longer term? How often has this one hit you huh?¡± I snap; my temper getting the better of me and Sophie moves off to sit in the corner. She looks ufortable and wide-eyed and it makes me all the more guilty. She doesn¡¯t need to see all this. ¡°That is none of your concern! This is my life and affects only me!¡± My mother snaps back at me, yanking her hand back to her chest in anger. Not so frail now. ¡°Don¡¯t you fucking dare! What about Sophie? ¡­ What about justice? What about me? It affects all of us!¡± The tears blind me, and I start losing it. Bubbling up inside. I storm away, wrapping my arms around myself and re out of the window to pull it all back in. Cool down, be still. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have started a fight, Emma ¡­ This was as much my fault.¡± The same pathetic cringey voice, the same pathetic excuses as she drops the attitude and goes on in full blown victim mode. There will be tears soon. I can¡¯t do this, not again;ing back was a mistake and this is just a sad repeat of a dozen conversations. I can¡¯t hold it in, hold my anger or the heart break. My mother is once again ripping out my very soul and throwing it to the wolves. She hasn¡¯t changed at all and this could be sixteen years ago all over again. ¡°This was a mistake ¡­ I can¡¯t be here. I was stupid to think this one might have knocked some actual sense into you. I¡¯m taking Sophie to New York with me, away from this bullshit existence that you inflicted on me ¡­ Don¡¯t even begin to argue.¡± I swing back around at her, my eyes pouring pitifully; she looks shocked at my obvious distress. She has never seen me cry, not since I was a very small child. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea the chaos that you cause ¡­ ¡°This ¡­¡± I gesture across her body and injuries. ¡°Is only the tip of the iceberg, Mother! I won¡¯t let you subject Sophie to more of the same crap.¡± I can¡¯t say anything more, my voice breaking, the tears taking over. I just shake my head aggressively and walk out fast. Unable to say anything else or keep myself in check and not staying to have her argue or try to bully me into changing my mind. I won¡¯t keep being her doormat. I already agreed to let Sophie stay this morning and get a bus hometer, giving her extra money so. I don¡¯t have to stay and endure this. I have no reason to stand another second and blindly storm out heading straight for the main exit while internally ranting. I march across the wet car park, my coat in my hands, shaking and sobbing. The driver that Jake hired standing dutifully to open my door as I approach, and I get in. I can¡¯t contain everything going on inside my head. I was stupid toe here! I was a fool to think I could handle this. She will never change. She will never see that she¡¯s the one who brings this on. She chooses these men, then makes goddamn excuses for what they do. It only makes me more determined to take Sophie with me when I leave. I decide it¡¯ll be sooner rather thanter as I can¡¯t stay here much longer; she won¡¯t talk to the police, even I know that. She will make Sophie lie to them for her too, like she used to make me. Deny she knew her attacker, and then what? He will be back in a heartbeat, until the next time when she ends up back here and then? Maybe one day one of them will kill her. Can she not see how what she does affects me, affects Sophie? I calm down as we drive, wiping my face and bringing rational thought back to my head. PA Emma winning over when faced with too much trauma to cope with. My defense mechanism kicking in and numbing it all away, pushing it down until I am nothing but a cool empty shell once more. I gulp down air, pull it all back in and focus instead on getting the hell away from this ce. I hate Chicago! I re out at the passing scenery and just feel like I¡¯m suffocating. I pull out my cell to see an email from Jake, instantly bringing softness to my face and a lift in my mood. He always brings me back from craziness, even when I think nothing will and I hurry to open it. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. ¡°Just Give Me A Reason¡± by Pink. I gawp at it with confusion, sure I¡¯m missing the message. I press y listening to the song, trying to decipher the meaning for sending it and can¡¯t. I nce at the time of the email and realize he sent it at four in the morning, most likely when he was out with Daniel. This was instead of a drunk dial episode. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. It seems to be a song about learning to love again ¡­ yet it causes a pain in my chest as I absorb it; it¡¯s beautiful and deep, but I can¡¯t see the connection. The title confuses me. I¡¯ve no idea what to send back to him. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t send anything because he was obviously intoxicated when he sent it. I like the fact he was thinking of me at that time though, while surrounded by friends and women. Even if it makes no sense. Maybe it was a mistake and he¡¯d meant to send something else? Knowing Jake, it was rted to his current thought and probably stupidly obvious in his state. It gues me as we head back toward my mother¡¯s apartment but it¡¯s a wee distraction. Jake is never usually one to be so cryptic either as his songs are either all about the title, or usually at least it has some obvious message in the lyrics. This time I have no idea. I slide out of the car and dismiss the driver in front of the shady convenience store, ignoring the two drunk men sprawled on the pavement. It looks as though one of them isying in a puddle of urine and I grimace as I scoot past and let myself in the side door. I intend to pack and wait for Sophie to call as we¡¯ll be leaving tonight; there¡¯s no reason to prolong the agony of this ce any longer than that. I turn the corner onto the uppernding, the keys in my hands ready to let myself in. A noise in front of me causes my head to snap up in reaction as I take in a dark figure standing against the wall in the shadows. I freeze, blood coursing through me at speed sending my heart rate up. There¡¯s something familiar, yet terrifying about the figure. I know they see me too and I don¡¯t move to make it obvious that I am rattled. They continue staring back at me. ¡°Well, well, well.¡± The hoarse gritty voicees at me icily, my body recoiling inside and my brain freezing at the sound. Even after all this time I know that voice and it makes my insides shrivel up. Ray Vanquis stands five feet away from me, like a mad man in the shadows, his eyes glinting cruelly before he steps into the light. All six feet of tattooed menacing rage and muscle. The devil from my nightmares. I gasp, and my body goes into high alert, adrenaline coursing as I begin to tremble. Fear gripping me but I stand my ground. Oh, my god! ¡°What are you doing here?¡± I snap coldly, bringing my shorter height up to appear more menacing, attempting to look in control. Ice and hatred in my voice as teen Emma bristles up getting ready to defend me. Every hair stands on end. ¡°I came by to see Jocelyn ¡­ To talk to her.¡± He sounds amused because he thinks I¡¯m intimidated by him, but he keeps his distance. I reach into my bag and feel for my cell; it¡¯s the only thing I have that I can use as a weapon. My body vibrating with nerves. I have nothing else, not even my trusty mace that used to be a constant when I lived here. I think of the baseball bat in my old wardrobe, something I slept with many a night and wonder if I can get inside to get it, to feel safer while in the presence of this monster. Chapter 36 Chapter 36 Would he follow me? Is he going to hurt me? ¡°What could my mother have to say to you after all this time?¡± I spit, edging toward the door slowly, but keeping my gaze firmly on him as I near him. Untrusting. He smirks and, in that look, a light switch goes on in my head. Surely not? She wouldn¡¯t do this to me, even the way she is, she wouldn¡¯t take back Ray after what he did to me and have a rtionship with him again, would she? The confusion, anger, and panic whizzes through my head at a hundred miles an hour; obvious he sees the realization dawn on my face and grins in that lop-sided sneer he has. He¡¯s the one she¡¯s been with, the one who beat her to a pulp. It shes like a spark in my head pushing all rational and logical behaviorpletely out of sight. ¡°You bastard!¡± I scream and lunge without thought, fueled by hatred. My nails and keys slicing at his face as I attempt to kick at him. He¡¯s surprised by my fierce, impulsive attack, caught off guard and tries to shield his face as I rain my fists on his head. It¡¯s a stupid insane move. His rage ignites, grabbing my wrists and thrusts me hard against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. He spins me and shoves me roughly into the cold concrete wall with enough force to almost break ribs and I gasp for air, adrenaline spiking with ferocity. Memories of his attack so many years ago sh through my mind and I fight back with all my might. Pure instinct of survival. Pushing myself back hard, using hands and knees so I collide with him. I elbow and stamp as he tries to encircle me, teen Emma in full rage and fight mode. I started this and I know I have no one to save me this time; he¡¯s twice the size of me, multiple times my strength. I¡¯m no match. He lifts me off my feet, squeezing around my pinned body with his huge arms so that I can¡¯t breathe, and I begin to gasp. I can¡¯t move. Nausea rises with the cknessing in around me, terrified I¡¯ll pass out. I know what he¡¯ll do to me if I do. I struggle to pull air into my lungs and focus on staying conscious, my voice lost in an effort to breathe. Then without warning, with a violent thud, he drops me on the ground in a heap and cackles as I crumble into lifeless submission. He kicks me with the tip of his boot, so I fall forward into a slump and walks offughing, amused at his conquest. Leaving me broken, devastated and huddled like a child. I break down and cry, crumpled on the ground. He¡¯s achieved the humiliation he desired, satisfied with his little power trip and exertion over me. Showing me who is still boss while he goes on his way, giving himself a high five and I want to die. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I crawl to my feet, falling against the front door weakly, sobs racking my body painfully as I pull myself up to rest against it and drag air into my bruised lungs. My forehead falling against the chipped surface as I try wildly to ground myself and bring some sense of calm back to my despair. Shame descends over me at my own defeat, my own stupidity. My fingers and hands sy across the door, trying to keep my body from self-imploding while shaking violently. I stand in the shadows gulping down air frantically. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice is suddenly behind me then he¡¯s around me, hauling me into the warm protective circle of his arms. A crazy surreal instance. His heady scent and warm body enveloping me into safety. It¡¯s like being lifted into a bubble of protection, a homeing and all I can do is submit. Why is he here? Is this real? Where did hee from? Oh, my God. Jake ¡­ My perfect Jake! I don¡¯t care right now, I just feel like I¡¯ve been pulled into the warmth of my life, to beforted and protected. I love that he¡¯s around me, I need him around me. Pulling me back from devastation. Concealing me from the world. Maybe I¡¯m dreaming. I hope I¡¯m not. I need him so badly right now. ¡°Bambino! What¡¯s happened? Is it your mother?¡± His husky smooth voice in my hair by my ear, his warm breath on my cheek bringing back the calm and sense to my inner world. My sobbing calming at the feel of him. He¡¯ll always be my life buoy, my lighthouse in the dark. I shake my head, allowing my arms to creep around his waist and hold onto him tightly, clinging to the familiarity of his body and skin against me. I need him more than I need air right now. He came, he¡¯s here, he ignored me telling him not toe ¡­ ¡°Give Me A Reason¡±. It was about why he shouldn¡¯te. It doesn¡¯t even surprise me as Jake never follows the rules. I can¡¯t even be angry with him, because he¡¯s everything I want and need to pull me back from the darkness that almost consumed me moments before. ¡°Talk to me, Emma ¡­ You¡¯re scaring me.¡± His voice is raspy, wavering and I lift my wet face and swallow down my emotion. The genuine concern in his eyes, looking at me in a way I¡¯ve never had anyone look at me. He has no idea how he makes me feel, no idea how much he has changed every part of me and my world. That I need him, I need his security, his calm reasoning and confidence. His way of making everything okay. My protector. ¡°You just missed the man who tried to rape me at eighteen ¡­ He reminded me that I¡¯ll never be able to match him.¡± I blurt out painfully, unsure why I¡¯m even telling him this. I just need to. Because he¡¯s really here. I think it¡¯s shock and it justes out without filter as I begin to shake. ¡°What?¡± His face breaks into something I never expected to see on him, his jaw tightening. Pure undiluted fury. He looks terrifying with instant aggression as my words connect with his brain. ¡°Did he hurt you, Emma?¡± He snarls and the air around us is immediately charged with electricity, emanating from his pores. I don¡¯t recognize this version of Jake. I nod, unable to say anymore, sure I must look exactly like Sophie did when she admitted her father abused her. Jake curses and lets me go, his body buzzing with tension and power. He tenses his jaw and paces across the hall. High voltage energy crackling. ¡°I passed a guying in here ¡­ Tall, stocky, and tattooed with a shaved head ¡­ Is that him?¡± his voice gritted between his teeth revealing a venom in him I¡¯ve never known him to possess. He scares me like this and all I can do is nod. ¡°Mother Fu ¡­¡± he turns and speeds into the stairwell, pursuing my attacker without a second thought. Oh, my God ¡­ No. Jake, no! *** All my vulnerable woe fleets away into panic as I realize what Jake intends to do. Jake boxes and practices martial arts as a fitness regime and he used to be a scrapper in his teens, always in trouble. I know he¡¯s a fighter, but I¡¯m still beyond terrified. Ray and Jake are equally matched in body size, almost in height and definitely in aggression so there¡¯s no telling what the oue will be, and I can¡¯t bear it. I run after him screaming his name manically; he¡¯s much faster than I am and he¡¯s already out of the building tearing off in the direction of a lone figure walking in the distance. Jake can run like the wind. I can¡¯t even begin to catch up, throwing my stilettos off and proceeding barefoot, my body shedding adrenaline fast and I get a cramp in my leg so badly I fall. Panic sears through me as I try to get up, they¡¯re too far from me to really see what¡¯s happening but the figures have collided. They¡¯re a jumble of blurry shapes, a joined mass of movement, armsing out and throwing back in with force. Oh, my god. Jake, no! One figure steps back holding the other by the throat, throws a punch with a short swing and the other hits the ground. Then the two are joined, rolling around once more. I feel sick. I¡¯m trying so hard to get up, dizziness and nausea fighting with my mind to take over, tears pouring down my face. Full blown hysteria consuming me. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. God please, don¡¯t let him hurt my Jake. The cramp begins to fade, and I haul myself up and stagger toward them, looking for anything as a weapon to defend him. My bare feet making running almost impossible. I get closer seeing that Jake has Ray by the shoulders as he brings his knee into the man¡¯s abdomen twice, the contact thudding as Ray snorts out with pain at every collision. Falling into a heap, Jake hauls him back up, delivers precise blows to his face, head, and body three times before Ray crumbles to the ground, lifeless. Jake in a powerful boxer stance, towering over him. ring with a fire I¡¯ve never known from him. I manage to close the gap and throw myself at Jake desperately, my clothes dirty and ripped but I don¡¯t care. I swing myself around his neck enveloping him. Grabbing onto him in despair and relief to shield him from harm. ¡°No more ¡­ Please ¡­ No more.¡± I beg, feeling his heart pounding through his chest as we press together, his breathing shallow and he¡¯s perspiring. His armse around my waist, pulling me in hard against his strong body and he turns me so I can look down at Ray Vanquis. He¡¯spletely out cold, laid out on the damp dirty pavement, looking pathetic. This devil of a man looks almost pitiful now. Chapter 37 Chapter 37 ¡°Tell me what you want me to do with him, Emma.¡± His voice is breathy, the serious tone terrifying, hinting that he¡¯ll literally do whatever I ask even if that means killing him. I catch the rage in his green eyes, making them almost luminescent. This is not my Jake. This is a primal, carnal version of my Jake and I want him to leave. I need my normal Jake back. I need his face, his voice, and his arms here with me. ¡°Leave him here, leave him to rot in the street.¡± I whisper, burying my face against his neck and his handes to cradle my head protectively. He rests his mouth against my temple and breathes out slowly, some of the tension in his body releasing as he sags against me. Using me to calm down and disperse all the anger and adrenaline coursing through his veins. We stand silent for agonizingly long minutes as I watch Ray¡¯s huddled body on the damp, dark ground. He doesn¡¯t stir at all and I begin to worry he has killed him. ¡°We should call the cops.¡± Jake utters tly, finally. His breathing has calmed to normal with his arms around me and it is all I can focus on. ¡°No ¡­ Let him go. My mother mes me for enough already ¡­ This will only send her over the edge.¡± I stammer hopelessly; his fingers slide under my chin to bring my face to his, showing the confusion in those green depths and I shake my head. ¡°Please don¡¯t make me tell you ¡­ Not right now ¡­ One day, Jake, I promise.¡± He frowns, pushing his forehead against mine firmly, as though he¡¯s trying to reel in the frustration and anger, but still respect my wishes. The fire zing in his eyes, but he just exhales deeply. His jaw tense, which only adds to that male aggression in his look. I can¡¯t help but think how breathtaking he looks in protective mode, fighter mode, scariness gone, and just overwhelming masculinity left. He¡¯s nothing like the men from my childhood who were aggressive and cruel. They liked to inflict pain on me, but Jake isn¡¯t that way. For all his strength and power, he¡¯s the gentlest person I¡¯ve ever known when ites to women. A real man in my eyes. He hauls me away from the lifeless body on the ground then stops, thinking a moment, he swoops down cing one hand on Ray¡¯s throat to check his pulse, his other hand still on my waist. He pauses, taking a count, sneers, then straightens up. ¡°He¡¯ll live ¡­ Unfortunately,¡± he growls, then delivers a swift kick to the man¡¯s ribs in passing, extruding a muffled grunt. He pulls me off in the direction of the apartment, his arm tightly around my shoulders, keeping me pressed against him. I can feel the ripple of adrenaline still coursing through him, but we walk in silence. ¡°Thank you.¡± I smile up at him honestly. I know thanking him for physically beating someone up for me is wrong in so many ways, but somehow teen Emma, broken and cowering at the hands of that evil man raises her sweet innocent head and smiles. Jake says nothing, just leans down kissing me tenderly on the forehead, lingering a moment before giving me a gentle squeeze. We walk as he pulls me along until he stops to pick up my discarded shoes. Realizing I¡¯m barefoot, he picks me up and carries me the rest of the way. I don¡¯t protest, just hold on and curl up within his hold and feel safe. Jake my boss. My friend, my protector. The first person in my life who has ever risen to the challenge of being one for me. No one else in my life deemed me worthy of fighting for. * * * In the apartment we sit drinking coffee, we don¡¯t talk about what happened, instead, I tell him about Sophie and that I want to help her. I can¡¯t tell him why without exining about my mother¡¯s injuries. I know that if I tell him Ray is the reason she¡¯s in the hospital he will go back out and find him, drag him to the police station or worse and I know it¡¯s pointless. My mother will never point a finger at him. I already know that she won¡¯t even break up with him after what he¡¯s done. She¡¯ll be angry at me for letting Jake beat him. Such is the twisted logic of my mother. ¡°Isn¡¯t that what your mother does?¡± he asks gently. I watch him carefully, realizing I¡¯m still scanning his face and hands for injuries obsessively. I¡¯ve been doing it since we walked into the apartment and I still can¡¯t rest at seeing no evidence of any, aside some bruised knuckles. He¡¯s indestructible, like a hero should be. ¡°No ¡­ She runs a homeless charity; she helps adults find shelter and food. Children are not her forte.¡± Obviously. ¡°Sophie has real abuse issues; she needs a ce that will help her heal ¡­ not here.¡± Never here. ¡°I¡¯ll call my mom ¡­ She has ces she can put her while she deals with the legal side. Sophie will need protecting, legally. So, her parents can¡¯t juste and take her back. My mother haswyers who deal with all that.¡± He frowns at me softly, reaches out and entwines our fingers on the table with one hand, giving reassurance. It feels so normal and necessary, sending warm rivers up my arm. ¡°Thank you, Jake, this really means a lot to me.¡± I look down staring at our hands, my small pale fingers in hisrge, strong, tanned hand; chalk and cheese yet they fit perfectly. They look right together. Content ? N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Where is she right now?¡± He¡¯s gazing at our hands too, yet his expression is nk. ¡°The hospital still. I stormed out ¡­ I should call her, she gave me her cell number.¡± The questions arise in his face, the twitch of an eyebrow but he decides to leave it alone. Thankfully. I reach into my bag, retrieve my cell, and text Sophie. I notice the email notification still in the top corner and think back to the song. ¡°Why did you send me that song?¡± I ask in distraction. He shifts back in his seat; his arm is at full stretch, so he doesn¡¯t need to break the hold of my hand; he looks thoughtful then shrugs. ¡°It came on in the club and it made me think of you ¡­ I just didn¡¯t think you gave me any really good reason not to follow you. You didn¡¯t respond, so I figured you still didn¡¯t have any good reason. Here I am.¡± His expression gives nothing away, but his eyes darken slightly, his pupils expanding a tiny bit. His gaze is steady on me as I study him, neither of us say anything. The moment is broken by my cell buzzing across the wooden tabletop and I pick it up to check the text. ¡°Sophie ising back, she got a bus ¡­ Jake, I want to go back to New York tonight.¡± I say it without looking at him, sure the questions wille this time. ¡°Okay,¡± is all he says as he squeezes my hand a little. I¡¯m confused, this is so non-Jake, but I don¡¯t push it. He¡¯s being agreeable for once; no questioning, no pushing, just letting me be and I love him all the more for it. * * * By the time Sophie walks in I¡¯m cooking dinner for the three of us as Jake watches an action movie in the sitting room. He¡¯s lounging on the couch as if he¡¯s always lived here, his shoes discarded on the floor and I smile at his ability to just exist in any surrounding that he¡¯s put in. He just adapts effortlessly and never questions or criticizes. I¡¯m sure he¡¯s on the verge of sleep; I can tell by his rxed posture. It all seems very domesticated and normal, like this is how we always are. When Sophie¡¯s changed and returns from my old room, she casts me a timid look. I know she wants to talk about what happened at the hospital, but I shake my head and nod towards Jake on the sofa. He¡¯s engrossed in his movie. She smiles softly, an understanding nod and lets me instead introduce them properly. They seem to get on immediately. He keeps casting looks from Sophie to me throughout the introductions and I know what he¡¯s thinking; he can see the resemnce. He¡¯s wondering how deep it goes. I¡¯m apprehensive; I try and ignore it while Sophie seems awed at his presence at first but that Carrero charm soon lulls her into rxation and he has her joking andughing with him before long. A cute camaraderie developing easily between them. Eventually, she joins me in the kitchen to finish preparing the food while he returns tozing on the sofa. I tell Sophie my n to leave, but it¡¯s met withpromise as she wants to stay until my mother is healing and home, to be here to take care of her. She wants to make sure she can cope alone. I think of Ray and shake my head. Sophie shouldn¡¯t be here at all; my mother won¡¯t throw him out or give him up and it won¡¯t be long before he¡¯s back. Jocelyn Anderson would never give him up. Not for her, not for me, not for anyone. I try and talk quietly, so Jake doesn¡¯t hear the conversation. Chapter 38 Chapter 38 ¡°One week?¡± she asks softly, and I hate the desperation in her eyes; her affection for my mother is strong. I close my own and steady the internal war. I need to relinquish a little over this. I don¡¯t want to push her away, but this is hard. ¡°Okay ¡­ But youe to me in one week and we go from there. You call me every night, Sophie, so I know you¡¯re okay. And no lies!¡± I am stern. She snaps up to look at me and we see each other, deeply. She knows that I know she lied for my mother. She forgets I used to do it too. She nods and bites her lip; another teen Emma trait and I wonder if that¡¯s why she keeps her hair tied up away from fidgeting fingers. I sigh at the girl, the shadow of my past, only this one has a chance at being saved. ¡°Okay.¡± She finally pouts, and I nod not fully happy. She makes me think of everything I was when I first arrived in New York. She has a fire inside of her just like I did, a determination to rise from the ashes. She¡¯ll be okay, she¡¯s a fighter and she is no longer alone. Jake sits up suddenly and fishes his cell from his pocket putting it to his ear, he says a few words then looks across at me with a nce and it catches my interest. ¡°When then?¡± he moves to sit properly and nts his feet on the floor, sounding annoyed. ¡°Okay, well yeah ¡­ Sure ¡­ First thing ¡­ Keep me updated.¡± He presses the cell and casts me an apologetic grimace. ¡°No flight home tonight, Emma ¡­ Jets grounded; there¡¯s a storm brewing outside Chicago and heading this way. New York is already in a full-blown blizzard.¡± He shrugs as if to emphasize that there¡¯s nothing he can do, and I curse inwardly. The drop of weight in my stomach at the disappointment is painful. ¡°When¡¯s the soonest we can leave?¡± I ask, certain he can hear the edge to my voice. ¡°Maybe in the morning, we have to wait and see.¡± He gets up andes to stand beside me in the kitchen, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and then moving to lean on the counter between Sophie and me. His touch makes me smile. ¡°Need any help?¡± I shake my head. Jake is a half-decent cook as his mother taught both her sons at a very young age and he told me he does it asionally. ¡°We¡¯re about to serve.¡± I shrug at him. Inside I¡¯m deted; I pinned my hopes on leaving tonight. ¡°I¡¯ll head to my hotel after we eat. After I lock this ce up and check there are no snooping assholes. I¡¯ll call you in the morning to let you know when the ne is ready to go.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not staying?¡± I snap my eyes up to him, the fear of Ray still in the back of my mind. Still shaken from earlier, despite pushing it to the depths of my brain. He clocks the hesitation on my face and moves close so our noses almost graze. Tilting his head in toward me and stooping slightly to bridge our height difference. ¡°You just need to ask.¡± He utters softly and the overwhelming urge to lean forward and rest my face against his grasps me, I move back unsurely. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°I would feel safer.¡± I say instead; in a way asking without having to say the words. I don¡¯t know why it¡¯s so hard for me to do so. I need him to stay with me. ¡°Well, if I¡¯m staying, I¡¯m sleeping with you, that couch is a no go.¡± He winks suggestively, grinning at me. I think he¡¯s waiting for my refusal, but I say nothing. Sharing a huge king size bed with Jake is hardly a punishment. It¡¯s not that much different to sleeping beside him on a ne, or the time he fell asleep on myp when our flight was dyed for two hours and we had to couch share in a waiting room. I shrug as if to say, ¡°fine by me¡± and ignore the shiver of anticipation running up inside my stomach. Truth be told, the thought of being alone with only Sophie tonight after what happened with Ray is thest thing I want. Having Jake in my bed may actually help me sleep. Tomorrow I get to leave here for good. I¡¯m nevering back. Not for anything. I think about my mother for a second, how she looked in the hospital and push it away. An internal pang I don¡¯t want to experience. I know she¡¯ll try and call me when she¡¯s mobile. She¡¯ll try and guilt me about leaving and taking Sophie away, and I don¡¯t want to hear it. She¡¯s betrayed me for thest time. This one is a huge deal. She let the one man back in her life who could havepletely destroyed mine, and it¡¯s unforgivable. * * * I wake early next morning,pletely entangled in Jake¡¯s limbs on my side of the bed, lying on my back. He¡¯s wrapped around me possessively. One arm around my waist, pulling me into his abdomen so that his face is in the nape of my neck, the other behind me. His arm is bent so his fingers are entwined in my hair above. His legs looped through mine and twisted so I¡¯m immobile in every way and I am stiflingly hot because he¡¯s so naturally warm. I try to maneuver out of his grasp, but my efforts only cause him to pull me in tighter, making it near impossible to get out. Who knew Jake was a cuddler in bed? More like a squeezer; suffocates all life out of you. Although part of my brain isn¡¯t surprised because he¡¯s so hands-on and touchy-feely in every part of waking life that I guess being this way in sleep is a given. Iy still, staring at the dark ceiling for a moment listening to the heaviness of his deep breathing. He seems so peaceful and being held this way isforting. I feel cherished and safe. I have never slept with a man; even my ex-boyfriends never spent the night so this is new and strangely nice. I am at ease. It dawns on me slowly that my usual night terrors have not woken me today, the sound of car rms outside have instead. Having Jake sleep with me has kept them at bay despite the events yesterday with Ray Vanquis. A little rush of affection swamps me at the thought he can keep me safe, even from my own dreams and my body heats with awe. I glimpse across at the rm clock on my mother¡¯s side table seeing it¡¯s only 5.00 .am. I don¡¯t need to get up anytime soon but now I¡¯m wide awake. I try to wriggle to my side to getfier, managing it very slowly before Jake shifts in his sleep, releasing me for a second. I quickly turn before he¡¯s hauling me back into him in a spoon hold. His body behind me, both armsing around me snugly, one leg lifting over mine and pulling them against his, so I am literally pulled in tight once more and my butt is nestled in his groin. For the love of god, Jake! I wonder how many poor teddy bears in his childhood died this way. I can barely move again as he¡¯s managed to pin my arms against my chest, his nose nuzzled into the back of my neck, so his breath tickles my skin below the neck of my oversized night shirt. I wonder at this position, how I¡¯mpletely rxed, no warning signals going off in my brain. No fear or awkwardness. No nerves because it¡¯s Jake, and with Jake it all stopped a long time ago. ¡°Emma ¡­¡± Jake mutters in his sleep and I still to listen. I wonder what he¡¯s dreaming about and wonder if it¡¯s a dream that has him grasping onto me for dear life. It would exin the death grip. I gasp as his hold tightens a tad too firmly. ¡°¡­ I¡¯ll kill him!¡± He growls into my hair and his body tenses; my heart constricts causing a wave of fear to wash over me. He¡¯s dreaming about Vanquis, I know he is maybe that¡¯s why he has been wrapped about me all night, holding me close, protecting me. More affected by it than I am, evidently. I wriggle my arms free of his vice like grip and try to pull them loose so I can breathe; it really is like being squeezed by an octopus, its limbs wrapped all around you and trying to expel the air from my body. I pull at his naked forearms managing to expand the space around my ribs just enough to take a breath. Circling his wrists, I pull some more, releasing me just enough to sag away from his body a few inches. I nce back at his sleeping face; his T-shirt has ridden up showing off the sculpted abdomen and the start of his tattoos on the side of his ribs. He really is the ultimate specimen of man. In every detail. I turnpletely around to face him, still held firmly in his embrace. I study his face, the shadow of his ever-present stubble and the chiseled features that grace magazines frequently. He¡¯s perfection in every line and curve. Dense eyebrows and eyshes so dark they¡¯re almost ck and it pushes the urge to reach up and trace his sleeping features with my fingertips. I¡¯m shocked by the intensity of it and try to move away to give myself some breathing space. Somehow my movement away from him triggers another sleepy reaction and he reaches out to me, his eyes still closed, his face still rxed in slumber. His hand grazes my breast on its way to my throat, he cups my jaw and pulls me forward, so we¡¯re nose to nose, and he exhales softly. Our mouths only a hairbreadth apart, his forehead against mine and inhaling from the same air. My body jumps into high alert, my breath held from the moment his fingers grazed the intimate parts of my chest and I¡¯m tingling with so many sensations that I can¡¯t exin what I¡¯m feeling. Chapter 39 Chapter 39 The fact that his action was innocent has quelled any fear; there¡¯s no panic in my response, no fluttering stomach. Instead the intimacy is sending me haywire. Without thought I lean up gently and kiss his mouth lightly. A slight touching of the lips, almost a chaste contact. I don¡¯t know what makes me do it. I¡¯ve no reasoning or thought in my head, only this need to feel his mouth on mine. His soft, warm, full lips enticing me for just a moment to see how it felt again. Pushed on by the proximity and gentle warmth of his breath against my own. My body reacts low down inside, spreading heat through my pelvis and shivers down my legs. I¡¯m ying with danger, and trepidation is beginning to rise within me; fear at my own reaction to him. He smells familiar, his mouth too alluring. I peck him on the lips again, only slightly firmer this time. Urged on by something inside of me but this time he responds, his mouth parting lightly and he kisses me back, pushing his own mouth to me. I freeze. My heart rate esctes into a frenzy and I hold still, very, very still. He doesn¡¯t open his eyes or move, just inhales heavily indicating he¡¯s still asleep. Crap. What the hell am I doing? Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. I make to move away, no longer able to trust myself but his hand on my jaw tenses, pulls my face forward and he sinks his lips to mine. It¡¯s tender at first, my heart pounding, my head spinning, but every part of my body responds with a vengeance. I open my mouth to his advance; his hand slides down to my breast once more,ying over it and cupping it while my body sizzles under his palm. His lips move against me seductively, kissing me¡ªnot tongues¡ªbut it feels like the most erotic thing in the world. Jake kisses exactly as I expected him too. Mind-blowing and experienced. His mouth matching mine in soft grazing movement, making me lightheaded and my breathing turns shallow. I allow my hands to wander up to his face and trace his square jawline softly, bringing us closer together. He feels so good! His face firm and I want this more than I should. I let myself move into the touch and let it continue. Lost in how he feels and tastes. His hand moves down boldly, curling behind my butt and pulls me into his groin, making it clear he¡¯s aroused, his hard body pressing into my pelvis. I groan involuntarily, closing my eyes tighter, letting him take control, ignoring the little voices in my head trying to pull me away. His lips part further, pressing into mine and his tongue slides into my mouth, setting me alight with passion. Deepening it. It¡¯s erotic and intense; the sensation causing my stomach to flutter and flip. He tastes like heaven and for minutes I¡¯m lost to what we are doing, all reason floating away. His tongue feels divine and I respond with a longing I never knew I was capable of as his armse around me suggestively. Breath hitching between us. One hand releases me totch my thigh and pull me up the bed so it¡¯s around his waist, grinding our pelvises together. He maneuvers over me, his body weight pressing down, and our groins rammed snugly against one another. I can feel everything, my body sizzling with the sensations and my breath shallow and fast. Passion ignited fully as his hands and arms cage my head and my own fingers, cupping his jaw, pull him closer. Mouths fully intertwined with his stubble grazing my soft face. Hell! I know where this will head, in the darkness, escting the way it is. Our bodies moving against each other in the first throes of forey. I know I won¡¯t have the strength to say no or stop it. He¡¯s causing cravings I have never experienced; a low, deep, throbbing heat and the desire to have him satisfy my hunger. His kiss too addictive to want to stop. I instinctively know that these urges are a longing to have sex, something I¡¯ve never felt before. Something so new and so overpowering. The apex of my thighs hard against him is almost on fire and waves of desire pulse up to my stomach. He rubs against me also breathing heavily; his kiss moving to urgent. Upping the gear from erotic passion into searing lust. Our tongues caressing one another in an intense motion; he knows how to seduce my mouth in ways that has me gasping for more, the taste of him exquisite. It¡¯s like we just know instinctively how toe together, how to kiss each other. A perfect fit. The first man I have ever wanted to ever do this to me, and he lets me lose myself in him. My first French kiss ever and it¡¯s beyond heavenly. I moan out softly, lost in this. My hands in his hair and nails raking down the back of his neck and over his shoulders. Feeling him out. Every rm bell in my brain starts going crazy, deafening me as the realization dawns on me and the lust fueled haze subsides a little. I¡¯m on the verge ofplete surrender orplete panic, body ready to selfbust, starting toe to terms with what the hell I am doing when he just stops. Instant halt to all of it. He pulls away. He moves back off me, rolling to his side, resting his face against me, his body rxing fully. He mumbles something incoherent and returns to deep heavy breathing while I pause and wait, scared to move, or breathe and realize he has been asleep this whole time. I¡¯mid panting and heaving and he¡¯s just, well, he¡¯s sleeping! I nche and stare at his profile in disbelief. It wasn¡¯t real! He¡¯s dreaming and acting out in his slumber; sleep walking in a way. I¡¯m confused, disappointed, but also relieved and yet conflicted. He¡¯ll never know what we did, he¡¯ll have no memory of it. I¡¯m not sure if I want this or not. I have no clue what the hell I¡¯m doing, or even thinking. I think about kissing him again, trying to rouse him properly, but don¡¯t. Instead, I slide free and get out of bed, aware of how close I just was to screwing everything up with him. Despite beingpletely captive to how kissing him felt, as though I¡¯ve broken some line of trust, that I abused him in his sleep, and it makes me feel disgusting and vile. No better than my mother¡¯s perverted lovers and what they did to me. I climb out of bed and get up quickly, in a rush to put distance between us and cool my overheated senses. I wander to the sitting room, shaking. Unsure what to feel. I¡¯m angry and so confused. Why would I kiss him like that? It¡¯s Jake! I have no excuse. I wasn¡¯t drunk, I wasn¡¯t half asleep; maybe it was the shock? But that kiss ¡­ Oh, my god ¡­ that kiss! It must be shock; yesterday, from the episode with my mother, with Vanquis, and here Jake is, my savior, my protector, the hunk of the Carrero empire. I am a woman after all! I can see why my body would respond to him that way. He is gorgeous in every way and despite my issues with my past, I am still capable of being turned on. By him anyway. And that kiss is something no woman could deny. I shouldn¡¯t have touched him that way. I crossed the line and I¡¯m d he never woke up to realize what we were doing. I could forget it ever happened if my brain would stop turning it over and over in my mind. I can still feel his mouth on mine, the taste of him, the way his tongue slid against mine, urging my body to tingle and sizzle. I can¡¯t shake it. The feel of his strong body caging me in, pressing down on me ¡­ Stop it! I shiver and reach for the throw on the couch, wrapping myself in it; standing by the window, looking out over dark Chicago to distract myself. The rough down-trodden area looks worse by moonlight and I¡¯m counting the hours until I get out of here. It¡¯s a distraction anyway. Something I so need right now, instead of obsessing over the highly erotic episode a few minutes ago. My skin is still tingling from head to toe. ¡°Hey,¡± Jake¡¯s husky voice startles me, and I turn quickly, my face flushing with heat and shame. Embarrassment oozing from every pore thinking there¡¯s a possibility he did know what we were doing after all, if he¡¯s awake so soon. ¡°I woke up in a bed alone ¡­ Thought you¡¯d run off.¡± He smileszily, still looking sleepy with messed- up hair, in his T-shirt and jeans. Poster boy for ultimate sexiness and I swallow the urge to groan with horniness. Crap. Don¡¯t go there. ¡°Hey,¡± I respond quickly, looking back to the window, unable to make eye contact with him while the memory of his mouth is still on mine. My body going insane with a thousand confused sensations. On high alert at his nearness. ¡°I¡¯ll call the airfield in a bit ¡­ You want to go see your mom before we leave?¡± he yawns, and I catch him in the corner of my eye stretching out, elongating his body, and showing off naked midriff in the motion. I inwardly tense. Sculpted abdominal muscles, memories of his body pressed on top of mine, the way I reacted to him. The heat in my body refuses to simmer down with so much of him on show right now and I curse my own weakness. ¡°No ¡­ I don¡¯t need to see her, she¡¯s fine, her injuries are minor.¡± I retort quickly, flippantly, tension in my voice giving away my emotion, but he doesn¡¯t pick up on it and if he does, he ignores it. Hees up behind me, wraps his arms around my shoulders while casually resting his chin on my head like he has no clue. He¡¯s acting as though nothing has happened and I tense up inside more so. I shrug out of his arms, unable to control the longings I¡¯m feeling. Leaving the throw to slide off onto the floor at his feet, I duck toward the kitchen and clock sight of him frowning at me. Chapter 40 Chapter 40 ¡°Something wrong?¡± he asks while studying my face. I put my head down and head into the kitchen, switching on the kettle, avoiding him. Willing my burning face to cool down; I know I¡¯m probably blushing like mad. ¡°No.¡± I answer over brightly and focus on getting the mugs ready. ¡°You¡¯re acting weird, shorty ¡­ What gives?¡± he¡¯s frowning. Noticing it from the corner of my eye, I carry on with what I¡¯m doing; the blood has rushed to my face even more so now and I am mildly freaking out. ¡°I¡¯m just making coffee.¡± I shrug, trying to appear normal. Jesus, Jake, leave me be. Stay back. ¡°Look at me then,¡± hemands. I tense and nce up, pasting a fake smile on my lips. Raising eyebrows before returning to what I¡¯m doing, the heat radiating all over me and return quickly to looking at anything but him but that is so hard to do in a space this small. ¡°Okay ¡­ What did I do?¡± he crosses his arms menacingly, his biceps bulging, the stubborn Carrero look stered all over him. I think I may faint. ¡°Nothing.¡± Iugh nervously. I drop the spoon and spill coffee granules everywhere with fumbling hands. Shit. ¡°Spill, Anderson ¡­ I¡¯ll torture it out of you. You know I will.¡± He walks toward me with a look that means business and I cave weakly. If I let him get too close, I may selfbust. I may actually pass out right in front of him. I need to calm my hormones down. ¡°We kissed,¡± I squeak as he gets dangerously close to touching me. Then I hide behind my loose hair as shame envelopes me tenfold. I can¡¯t tell him that I practically molested him in his sleep. That we were dry humping and I know what he feels like turned on and pushed up against me. ¡°I¡¯ve been known to do more than kiss in my sleep.¡± Heughs. No hint of shock at all. ¡°They call it ¡®Sexsomnia¡¯. It happens very rarely. It¡¯s like a form of sleepwalking.¡± He shrugs it off, obviously in eptance of this quirk of his. Only Jake would have a manly sex rted sleeping disorder. Well, that exins a lot! Hees to stand beside me, and I try not to shrink. ¡°Are you mad at me?¡± his breath warms my neck, indicating how close he is. I tense and move away to get more coffee from the cupboard, d of the reason to move away. He has no idea that internally my body is acting like a pubescent teen after her first sexual experience. ¡°No ¡­ it was ¡­you were asleep.¡± I have no idea what to say. Do I admit that I was the one who started it? That I liked it. My heart¡¯s pounding through my chest, his proximity making breathing difficult suddenly, in a way I have never reacted to him. ¡°Well, that¡¯s not fair ¡­ You get to have a memory, but I have none ¡­ I demand a re-enactment.¡± There¡¯s humor in his voice as his hand catches my shirt from behind, pulling me back against him softly, his mouth by my ear. ¡°How about a rey, Anderson? Literally make my dreamse true.¡± I swat him away, pulling myself free, my skin burning and shame swamping me. I should have known he would react this way. Casanova Carrero! He makes a joke about everything, so why not this? I can¡¯t help myself. I giggle, relieving some of the tension at his yfulness, the usual flirty Jake while still trying to twist free from the body I¡¯m a little too sensitive to. ¡°Go away.¡± I scald lightly as he tries to capture me again, this time holding my wrists in front of me so I can¡¯t get away from him. My body held taught, his mouth by my ear, he has my back pressed to his abdomen. God! This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°I want a second take so I can at least say I remember that time I made out with you in my sleep.¡± His husky voice sends tremors through my stomach. I wriggle free and he lets me go, grinning wildly. He tilts his head boyishly. ¡°At least this time you¡¯re smiling about it, Be.¡± I turn to look at him knowing my face is probably puce from top to bottom, met with the rxed easy look on his face. I shake my head and tilt it to the side to match his. His mentioning the kitchen kiss in such a s¨¦ way makes me feel calmer. I wish I had his ability to brush things like this off so easily. Make it all out to be nothing except forgettable misdemeanors. I guess when you¡¯ve had more bedroom romps than hot meals, it¡¯s easy. This really is nothing to him at all. ¡°I can¡¯t be mad about things you do while unconscious.¡± I lie, fully mindful that this is all on me. A secret I¡¯ll never tell him. He stops for a moment taking in my face, his smile slipping as something registers in his mind and my insides somersault. ¡°You said ¡°We¡± kissed? Not that I kissed you ¡­ So, you kissed me back?¡± he moves forward, closing the gap between us, his face now serious. All humor gone. I gulp and hesitate, unsure how to answer. Crap. Fuck. Shit. I look down at what I¡¯m doing, inhaling sharply, thoughts scrambling in panic at how to answer him now. My mouth dries up. Please don¡¯t, Jake! Don¡¯t go there. ¡°Morning.¡± Sophie¡¯s tired voicees out from behind Jake¡¯s all-consuming stance, and she wanders into view dressed in a fluffy onesie with rabbit ears on the hood. Her presence makes me sag with relief. I have never been so happy to have a third person show up in my life and save me from Jake¡¯s burning gaze. ¡°What time is it?¡± she yawns loudly, and I grab the opportunity to dive away from Jake toward the toaster as his attention is diverted. ¡°Just after six¡± Jake answers, turned toward her. I catch his eye as he turns back, a moment passes between us. I know that look; it¡¯s his ¡°we¡¯lle back to that¡± look, before he fully turns his attention to Sophie. ¡°Why you up this early?¡± he goes on. I blow out as a knot of apprehension rises inside of me, knowing that I haven¡¯t dodged the bullet fully. ¡°Nightmares,¡± she says softly, and we connect visually, kindred in so many ways. I throw her an understanding smile and she gives one back acknowledging it. Jake seems to notice the look, but says nothing, just a hint of narrowed eyes and thoughtful lip chewing before it fleets away. His sharp, keen focus never misses a beat. ¡°So, we¡¯re all up at the crack of dawn it seems.¡± I inject over brightly. I finish making three mugs of coffee and slide two towards them on the counter. ¡°Looks that way,¡± Sophie sighs as they both lift their mugs. ¡°Are you going to see your mom today before you go?¡± she asks innocently but I throw her a warning look that equates to ¡°not in front of Jake¡±. ¡°No. Sophie. I said everything I had to say to her yesterday ¡­ I wish you would reconsidering with me today,¡± I plead. I don¡¯t like the thought of leaving her here alone at such a young age. ¡°Your mom¡¯s going to be discharged in a day or two, Emma, I¡¯ll be okay.¡± She looks determined. Jake looks to me, then her, confusion on his face. I hadn¡¯t yet told him of Sophie¡¯s n to stay here another week. ¡°She¡¯s following us in seven days.¡± I point out to him and see the twitch in the corner of his eye briefly; he doesn¡¯t like this idea but knows it¡¯s not his ce to say anything. His jaw tenses, he gets up, and leaves the room for a few minutes. I know him too well; he¡¯s walking off, so he doesn¡¯t say exactly what he¡¯s thinking. ¡°Sophie ¡­ Yesterday a man called Ray Vanquis came here. I know he¡¯s the one who did this. He was very aggressive; he maye back.¡± I tell her, scared to divulge the full story in case it makes her afraid. Maybe I should, so that she¡¯lle with us today after all. She swallows hard, her eyes shifting to the window, she looks nervous. ¡°Your mom told me not to tell you it was him,¡± she replies softly, and I nod, indicating I already guessed that. ¡°He won¡¯te here until she gets out,¡± she adds hastily. I want to point out that he already did, but her expression hushes me. For a moment she looks so young and uncertain that my throat catches with emotion. I can¡¯t leave her here alone. The thought of himing back when she¡¯s here by herself makes me tense up. I hadn¡¯t thought about this fact. I realize she¡¯s staring at me and I assume my expression is betraying me. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go until youe too, Sophie.¡± I sound uptight. Suddenly unsure about what to do. Insides tying me up in knots. Chapter 41 Chapter 41 ¡°I know, Emma ¡­ But I can¡¯t just leave her like that. Helpless and injured.¡± She tries for a smile, but I just stare at her impassively. ¡°Is that the issue?¡± Jake¡¯s voice breaks in, he¡¯s at the door with his cell in his hand, as though he¡¯s just used it. Walking back in at the opportune time. ¡°She has no one else.¡± Sophie answers him, ncing at me warily. I experience a pang of guilt but push it down. She has no clue howplicated my rtionship with my mother is. I watch as Jake frowns, his eyes losing focus for a second as he thinks something through. Even standing like that, the heat of attraction surges through me still and I push it away. ¡°If I arrange for someone to care for her, until she¡¯s well, Sophie. Will youe with us? ¡­ Today?¡± he¡¯s in negotiation mode. Mr. Business. and watching him lifts my heart. I knew from the second he met Sophie that he had taken an instant like to her, I knew he would help her. Jake is that kind of person. ¡°Maybe,¡± she says quietly, mulling it over in her mind. ¡°If I can go see her and tell her myself,¡± she adds softly. My heart lifts, hopeful and satisfied that he just gave me an answer to this problem. The sooner I detach this girl from this situation the better. I could kiss him right now; he is just beyond amazing sometimes. ¡°It¡¯s a deal then, Sophs.¡± He beams at her, dazzling and charming. ¡°I¡¯ll call an agency this morning and hire a live-in nurse until she¡¯s fully recovered ¡­ On me.¡± He flits to me as though asking for my permission, but I just shrug, a smile creeping over my face. At this moment, I could not love him any more, he is just everything to me. ***This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. Sophie spends a half hour in the room with my mother as we wait in the hall. Jake has asked me a dozen times if I¡¯m sure about not going in and I re at him coldly. He mps his mouth shut and looks away. His jaw tenses in agitation, but he leaves it alone. He just doesn¡¯t get it at all; he has no way to understand my rtionship with her when his own mother is everything you could want in a parent. Kind, caring, protective, and loyal. She would move mountains for her sons and is an advocate for abused children across all states. He wouldn¡¯t understand. My mother is the pr opposite. I spent my childhood being her carer, protector, and mother. Fighting off aggressive men she brought home. I bought my baseball bat with money from a news delivery job at eleven and I used it more than once to shield her from overly violent arguments with her current beau. Even at such an early age; my fire and rage uncontroble. It saved me from advances so many times. Men pushing the line into perversion, but I fought back, said no, and erupted. I have been hit so many times, but for each strike, I wouldsh back. It was never worth their while to pursue it. A crazy little fireball of spitting rage, wielding fists at them. Ray on the other hand, was truly a monster and the fighting back only turned him on. He pushed the boundaries and showed me that at the end of the day, I was still a weak little girl. Sophie finally emerges, her eyes wet and her nose running. I¡¯m hit with the bite of anger. My mother always knows how to break you down and make you feel guilty. It is just one of the many reasons I can¡¯t walk into that room today, or ever again. ¡°She¡¯s asking to see you,¡± Sophie says softly to me, touching my hand gently. I say nothing, only shake my head and turn on my heel indicating they should both follow. Jake doesn¡¯t however, he stands his ground, regards me with narrowed eyes before he turns and walks into my mother¡¯s room with a frown. I freeze, my breath catching in my throat and gawp after him. I snap around and run after him at speed, ready to haul him back out as anxiety peeks. He knows nothing about why she¡¯s in here, one look will tell him everything and he has that stubborn air on; the one which means he isn¡¯t going to take no for an answer. I¡¯m toote, his long strides have him past the curtain and around her bed as I enter the room. My mother has the good grace to at least sit up and fix her hair at his sudden presence. Well, who wouldn¡¯t? Look at him! There¡¯s confusion as she takes in his appearance. Casual in jeans and a leather jacket, trademark tight T-shirt and his shades nestled in that spiked hair. Definitely not a doctor, although he looks like he would make a really gorgeous one. He¡¯s appraising her face, his eyes moving to her broken arm, the bruised swollen chaos. I slide up beside him ring coldly, but he only raises an eyebrow at me, and I know what he¡¯s thinking. He knows this was no ident, he knows I¡¯ve been keeping this from him and somewhere in that quick brain, he¡¯s wondering if Ray is involved. I can bet he¡¯s already figured it is Ray who did this. I crumble under his scrutiny as my mother grabs at my hand, taking full advantage of my distraction. ¡°Emma, I¡¯m so d you changed your mind,¡± she wells up, sounding pitiful and childish. I force down the wave of guilt and emotion. I won¡¯t let her get under my skin this time. ¡°I never had a choice.¡± I re at Jake again, who at least has the sense to step back and shove his hands in his pockets. His eyes resting on me, but his face is nk. ¡°Hey, Mrs. ¡­ Ummm, Jocelyn?¡± he pulls a hand free again and waves awkwardly at her. ¡°I¡¯m Jake Carrero ¡­ Emma¡¯s ¡­umm Boss.¡± His eyebrows twitch as though he feels stupid introducing himself that way. My anger simmers: I don¡¯t see shy and awkward from him very often, in fact, I¡¯ve never seen shy or awkward with him. It¡¯s so at odds with who he is. ¡°It¡¯s lovely to meet you, Jake ¡­ I¡¯m sure Emma told you about my car ident,¡± she lies easily, and I roll my eyes and clench my teeth. Mother, he¡¯s not a fucking moron. She¡¯s still gripping my hand forcefully, but I tug it free and move away from her so she can¡¯t try to touch me again. My mother never really did affection in the form of touching as I grew up; she never cuddled me or sat me on her knee. This little scene is for Jake¡¯s benefit, much like yesterday was for Sophie¡¯s. ¡°I came to say goodbye, mother, the doctors informed me your injuries are not life threatening. You¡¯ll be home in a couple of days.¡± Cool and distant. Jake¡¯s gaze is on me, studying my tone of voice and controlled manner. I know he¡¯s trying to analyze the rtionship; I wish he would stop watching us so closely. ¡°I will be, yes ¡­ I hoped you would stay a few days,¡± she blinks wistfully, big eyes fluttering up at me childishly, trying to give me her most needy look through the swelling and bruises. I turn my face away to inspect the tubes hanging by her bedside. Avoidance always works a treat. ¡°I have work ¡­ A life.¡± I mumble; there are a minefield of emotions and thoughts rushing through me. I hate how she always reduces me to this over-emotional erratic mess so that I never know which way is up. I made the best decision years ago when I walked out on her. I needed my mind free of this trauma and tugging, to find myself and gain some inner peace. I need it again now. ¡°Emma ¡­ you¡¯re my child ¡­¡± She whines quietly, putting on a show for Jake. I snort involuntarily, causing Jake to narrow his eyes at me. My mother carries on unhindered, used to aggressive, insolent Emma, used to my coldness toward her. ¡°Regardless as to how you behave, I know you love me. Somewhere deep inside the icy exterior is a heart. It¡¯s why you came at all.¡± A tear tugs at my eye involuntarily and I storm away from the bed in response to her. I won¡¯t do this again; every time she¡¯s near me, this is how she gets to me. ¡°We have a ne to catch, Mother ¡­ Jake¡¯s arranged for a home help until you¡¯re healed so she¡¯ll be there for your release and won¡¯t leave until the castes off,¡± I throw back tly. ¡°Appreciate it, sort your life out.¡± I stalk out of the cubicle, my heart pounding with so many sensations, my hands trembling. I walk past Sophie who¡¯s staring out of a window in the stark hall and she turns and follows as we start heading out toward the main floor exit. I stay at a fast pace. Jake catches up in a jog momentster,ing to walk beside me. He reaches down, taking my hand in his, entwining our fingers softly. He opens his mouth to say something, but my cold, ¡°back off¡±, re makes him mp it shut again. He looks away, that familiar tense of his jaw as he quells his annoyance. We know each other too well. He slides his arm against mine as he thinks better of pursuing it, body rxing and the calming effect he always has over me kicks in. Grateful that he¡¯s here after all and enjoying his hand enveloping mine securely. Grateful that he says nothing and just holds my hand. We leave the hospital wordlessly. Chapter 42 Chapter 42 Everything Sophie owns is in the car with our bags, which isn¡¯t much. She is, after all, a runaway from a poor town and impoverished parents. One grubby and torn rucksack that¡¯s so full the zipper ising undone. The trip to the airfield is short and silent as we all mull things over in our heads. Jake has nced down at his cell a ton of times and I know he¡¯s been waiting for his mother to call back with more definite ns for Sophie. In the meantime, we have agreed that we¡¯ll both stay at his Manhattan apartment with her until she¡¯s ced in a safe environment through the proper channels. He has more than enough rooms for all of us. Jake feels she needs me there to feel safe as having her with him alone just doesn¡¯t feel right to him, considering her back story. It¡¯s not appropriate. Sophie is sitting with eyes as wide as saucers; all of this so overwhelming to her and I think, realization, is finally dawning that this is the start of her new beginning. I remember feeling that way on the coach out of Chicago with Sarah by my side. Finally free, running far away from all of it. Running from the influence of my mother. Running from a lifetime of terror and fear. She reaches out to me and takes my hand, sitting between Jake and I on the rear seat and this small motion brings up an internal feeling I had before. Maternal protective instinct. This girl will have the chance I should have had at her age. I¡¯ll make sure she has a life that is so far removed from where she hase. In a way, I know partially my reasons are for myself, as though adult Emma is somehow reaching into the past and pulling teen Emma to freedom, saving her in a way I could not so many years ago. * * * Sophie looks around the apartment with the same saucer eyes and gaping mouth as she did at entering his private jet. This whole thing, like a fairy tale dream to her. I know the feeling well; first time faced with the mour of the Carrero empire so many years ago when entering Executive House to be interviewed. Girls like us, so unused to refinery and wealth, apletely different life from where we hade. It is amazing how in the years that followed, I have stopped noticing it at all. Be so un-phased by the expensive furnishings and more recently, with the way Jake is always surrounded by it. I stopped seeing his expensive clothes and essories. Stopped looking at the five-star hotels and luxuries as anything abnormal. They are just a part of who Jake is; he never makes a show of it, or makes you feel in awe of it; to him it is normal. I show her to the guest room that¡¯s never used as it¡¯s right beside the room I use when I stay here; Jake thought she may like my closeness. I guide her in. It¡¯s like a modern hotel room, but the bed is laden with bags and boxes. I frown and walk over to open one and I¡¯m hit with the tug of warmth as Donna¡¯s perfume rises from the bag, her scent over everything. Inside are clothes, shoes, toiletries; everything a fourteen-year-old girl would ever need to start a new life. Jake and his ever-attentive nature surpassing my expectations again. ¡°These are all for you ¡­ courtesy of Jake.¡± I smile, nodding to them. ¡°When you go, you¡¯ll take all this with you.¡± I pull a bag toward the edge of the bed and nod again, this time giving her permission to look through them. Her eyes almost popping out of her head. ¡°I¡¯ll leave you to get adjusted, your bathroom is through that door.¡± I point at the inner white door of the room. ¡°If you want a bath or shower, go ahead. Jake is having Nora, his housekeeper, cook for us so you¡¯ve an hour before we eat, okay?¡± I smile widely at her, her face disying her overwhelming gratitude and shock. She looks like she needs to pinch herself and get back to reality. Time alone to adjust is exactly what she needs right now. Processing time. ¡°It¡¯s all too much.¡± A tear rolls down her cheek and I give her a quick embrace. Her eyes huge and damp, her cheeks flushed. I just can¡¯t express how much it tugs at me. ¡°We all deserve better lives, Sophie ¡­ This is just your beginning.¡± She hugs me tightly before I leave her to absorb all of this and get herself acquainted with her temporary room. A swelling of happiness inside me now that we have her here, away from Chicago, away from the likes of Ray Vanquis. Away from my mother. Jake¡¯s in therge, open n sitting room, using his cell, when he sees me approach, he grins and motions me toe over. I obey and close the gap between us smoothly. ¡°That¡¯s great, Mamma ¡­ Yep ¡­ Completely ¡­ Tiamo anch¡¯io ¡­ until tomorrow then ¡­ Uhuh.¡± He repeats his goodbyes and hangs up, beaming at me like an excited child. ¡°My mother has found Sophie a ce to stay with a friend of the family. Someone she trusts, I trust too ¡­ Long-term foster arrangement while it goes through the legal process, then a forever home if she likes life with them.¡± He¡¯s grinning at me in a way that makes me equally ecstatic for her; the Carreros work fast. ¡°That¡¯s amazing, Jake, really brilliant news! ¡­ So, what happens now?¡± I gush and throw myself into him for a quick celebratory squeeze as he hugs me briefly then releases me, sighing lightly. Keeping a hand on my shoulder as we face each other, so I am held closer than before. ¡°Sophie will need to be interviewed as she¡¯ll have to tell the child services her story. Everything will be video documented, so they can put her under the protective services umbre ¡­ My mom is taking special interest in this, so she¡¯ll be helped at every step, Emma.¡± I frown and look away nervously; that will be agony for her. If she¡¯s anything like me, the thought of telling people everything will be the hardest thing she will ever do. She¡¯s strong and if I exin that this will help her secure a happy future, I¡¯m sure, I can assure her it¡¯s the best thing to do. ¡°She¡¯ll do it ¡­ She wants to start over again so badly.¡± I look back at him with determination, already formting my speech for Sophie in my head when I break this news. ¡°That¡¯s what she¡¯ll get ¡­ The Huntsbergers are a lovely family; they have grown children, all of whom they adopted. They have experience with troubled kids. She¡¯ll get a loving home and a good education with them.¡± He¡¯s watching me closely, his emerald eyes sparkling with happiness. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°You know them well?¡± I ask nervously, suddenly afraid that this won¡¯t be a right fit for my precious little Sophie. I don¡¯t want her life to be out of her control, unable to break free if it¡¯s not right for her. ¡°Very ¡­ My friend, Le, is their youngest daughter. She¡¯s been my friend since she arrived at age seven, when they adopted her too. They live rtively close to my parents so my mother will be able to keep tabs for both of us, Emma.¡± He rests his forehead against mine, bringing both his hands to my shoulders reassuringly. ¡°It¡¯s the fairy tale ending she deserves ¡­ I promise, this is a good thing. Trust me on this, trust that I know these people well enough.¡± He brings his focus to me and moves closer, intimately closer. Igniting the fluttering in my stomach again. Damn. I thought I had this under control. ¡°If you think so, then I trust you, Jake ¡­ I just want her to be safe.¡± ¡°I promise you, Emma ¡­ This is the best oue I could have ever hoped for.¡± He ces a gentle kiss on my forehead, leaving his mouth against me as we stand motionless, lost in thought. My skin warms and my stomach flips at his touch, my inner worries and stress drain way. Jake would move mountains to make things right when it¡¯s something he¡¯s invested emotion in. I know Sophie will never want for anything again and he¡¯ll have the best legal team he can buy to guide her through the process of cutting all ties with her real parents. He¡¯ll bring her perverted father to justice and I want to be there to hold her hand through it all, watch her rise like a phoenix from the mes. Leaving my mother in her dust. Chapter 43 Chapter 43 The day is tiring, and my hair has endlessly stuck to my face in this humidity. Vegas is hot and dusty and I¡¯m still grumpy and tired. We flew out here right after Sophie was taken away by the care worker and Jake¡¯s mother, Sylvana Carrero. The beautiful, kind goddess, who looks so rmingly like her son, but in a very feminine way. I love her in every way; anytime I meet her, she has this easy charm and stunning green eyes and the ability to put you at ease, much like he does. I fought tears when hugging Sophie goodbye; our time together so short, yet she hase to mean so much to me. Jake bought her a new cell and pre-set both of our numbers and emails into it as a parting gift, that way we can always stay in touch and she knows we will be there if she needs us. We are to be her eternal guardians in life, and I know that from this day on, I will always be in Sophie¡¯s story. We have a bond like no other. We understand each other. ¡°Want to try the casinos, tiny?¡± his voicees up behind me as I empty out my suitcase onto my bed, looking for a change of clothes, anything to relieve the stickiness of my suit. We arrived in such a rush that neither of us have unpacked yet, normally housekeeping do such things in our absence but this time they haven¡¯t. I hate ipetence in one¡¯s job. ¡°I¡¯m still tired, I think I¡¯ll have a bubble bath and go to bed.¡± I sigh. ¡°First time in Vegas, and you want to go to bed? Bambino, No! You gotta live a little.¡± He sounds frustrated with me; it¡¯s been a hell of a long week by normal standards and I¡¯ve been free falling for days. I can¡¯t keep up the pace like he can. Jake has no sense of exhaustion¡ªEver! ¡°Would you rather I stay outte with you, then pout for the entire morning like I did on the ne?¡± I was probably the most irritated, grumpy person I have ever been on that flight, reeling with emotions about Sophie, my mother, Ray Vanquis. Trying to ignore memories of kissing my boss and going pie- eyed over him on that brief trip. Thankfully, I seem to have normalized a little in his presence again. The kiss not such a bright burning memory as it has been and allowing me to detach a little from it. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can have the hotel bring me a bag for your head, so I don¡¯t have to see it.¡± He grins, raising a cheeky eyebrow. Everyone back to normal. ¡°Nice ¡­ Charming. As understanding as always Jacob!¡± I pout again, sighing. ¡°Less of the Jacob or I¡¯ll put you over my knee. Come out with me.¡± He¡¯s in boyish pleading mode now. Tugging at my hair in a bid to annoy me into a yes. Bored, Jake, darling? I don¡¯t know where he gets his boundless energy; it¡¯s after nine at night and we¡¯ve had a day of grueling appointments, boring meetings, ate business dinner, and now he wants to go y. Has he no clue of how much of an emotional roller coaster I have been ontely. ¡°Don¡¯t you have any Vegas hotties lined up yet?¡± I sass him demurely; of the vast number of women he has tucked at every port, I often wonder in awe that he manages to find half of them with extraordinarily little effort. I guess being drop dead gorgeous, built like an underwear model, and rich, has its own perks. My own suggestion for him to find a date grates on my nerves, rattling me inside. A little jealousy raising its head and I bite it back down. I have no idea why I even suggested it. ¡°I don¡¯t want a Vegas hottie tonight. I want my pouty PA to let her hair down ande kick back with me.¡± He moves in closer, so his warmth radiates along the back of my neck and it makes my skin tingle. His familiar aftershave surrounding me in a very disturbing way. ¡°I was under the impression I already did.¡± I ruffle my loose hair to make the point;tely I¡¯ve been too tired to tie it up at all. Its length has been annoying me too and I keep thinking I may get it cut shorter, maybe shoulder length. ¡°You know what I mean, sassy pants.¡± He mock chucks me on the chin with a smile. ¡°You pay me to be bright and chipper at your meetings.¡± I try a wavering smile, turning to look at him over my shoulder as he walks away to lift his cell from the charging dock. I¡¯m trying to express my tiredness as I flutter at him coquettishly. ¡°I pay you to do what I say ¡­ And right now, it¡¯s toe out with me. I want to go y. Get drunk and feel up my sexy PA.¡± He throws his charming wink over at me and walks back, cell in hand, moving closer in behind me, his presence invading through the thin material of my blouse. He¡¯s almost touching me, his heat radiating rmingly. I have been way more sensitive to him since our sleep kiss and it¡¯s throwing me all out of whack these past few days, especially as his touchy-feely hands-on self seems a lot more so. ¡°We both know that¡¯s not on the cards; besides, I didn¡¯t bring anything to wear to a casino, Jake.¡± I lie, I know there¡¯s a ck cocktail dress in the suitcase. I¡¯m always under order to carry a dress for an impromptu dinner or party when we travel. He leans past me, pulling my dress out, like an eagle with his eye on prey at a distance. Lifting it up to let it roll loose and hangs in the air between us usingly. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. Hmmm, busted! ¡°Perfect! Sexy dress, for little sexy Emma.¡± He drapes it over my shoulder and ps my butt with a swift sharp smack. I squeak in protest and throw him a haughty look. ¡°Put it on, I¡¯ll be five minutes max.¡± I sigh heavily. Ordered about by him again! In Jake terms, he will be more like twenty minutes. I can¡¯t even argue. I exhale again, more defeatedly this time and sag, knowing that he¡¯s in his delightful stubborn mode and I¡¯ll get no say; arguing is pointless. I really am tired, and I want to go to bed; the last thing I need is a tight dress, alcohol mixed with the proximity of my boss when he¡¯s in flirt mode and I¡¯m struggling to control my hormones around him. I make a habit of avoiding him in drunk mode, ever since the kitchen kiss. Drunk Jake just makes me wary, he loses even more of his inhibitions, if that is even possible and I have no idea how to deal with him if he gets a little amorous. Or I do. * * * I grimace as I catch sight of myself in the mirror; once again Donna has excelled herself and I chastise myself for not trying this dress on before this trip. It¡¯s tight and short and revealing. My stilettos do wonders for my legs, but I feel a little naked. It has no sleeves, just thin straps and a fitted bust, leading down to a tight figure-hugging knee-length skirt. It¡¯s mainly made ofce with an underyer retaining my modesty, but the result is slinky, in a non-slut way. Well, maybe a little slutty. I¡¯m all boobs. I brush my hair and leave it down in a bid to try to cover some of my exposed shoulders and cleavage. It waves naturally,ing down to my elbow. Make-up is darkened and smoky. I¡¯m ready unusually fast, still with a deep knot of anxiety in my lower stomach and fidget impatiently. Jake strolls back in wearing his favorite ck shirt, open at the neck and ck trousers. Effortlessly suave. He always looks amazing in ck and his eyes practically glow with green coolness. He seems to falter as he catches sight of me, frowns, and adjusts his cuff, averting his eyes. He says nothing at first, before setting a normal smile on his face before looking me over once again. This is a bad idea; I can feel it already. I want my suit, my hair tied up and my cool and in control mask back in ce. ¡°You look stunning, Emma ¡­ May have to beat off a few men tonight on your behalf. Pee on you and mark my territory.¡± He grins at me as I nch in disgust. ¡°E, hell no!¡± He checks his hair in the mirror over the mantle one more time, before reaching a hand out to me. His eyes still skimming me with a look that he never throws my way¡ªappreciation. Not flirty Jake eyefuls, like he normally does, but serious, eye skimming, checking me out. I swallow down the nerves, no idea why I¡¯m this uneasy and ept it. He takes my hand and pulls me toward the door before I can argue, always so overbearing when his minds made up. Chapter 44 Chapter 44 The casino is everything I imagined it would be; I¡¯ve watched enough episodes of CSI to not be awed at the splendor of the vast red carpeted room, filled with machines and tables and noise. He tries his luck at a few tables and soon looks bored. He¡¯s never been much of a gambler; he likes to have situationsid out in a way that he controls the yers and always wins. It¡¯s why he¡¯s his father¡¯s second inmand with his inherited skills. Although after the Hunter merger, I¡¯m beginning to think his skills surpass that of Senior, seeing he knew how to y him well. ¡°You want to hit a club instead of this?¡± he¡¯s close to me and I can already tell he¡¯s fed up with the casino. I nce at a couple of women appraising him up and down and am mildly irritated. Maybe I should point him in the direction of the two leggy blondes and go back to the room. Have my quiet night after all. Seeing them look him over like fresh meat I pout; I¡¯m irritated by it again and I¡¯m aware it¡¯s unattractive. I re and turn my attention back to him. ¡°Sure.¡± I decide defiantly as I catch blonde girl licking her lips and thrusting her boobs forward, readying herself to approach him from the corner of my eye. No doubt the slutty pair don¡¯t mind group sex. He grins happily, unaware of the female attention he¡¯s receiving. Impulsively, I slide my arm through his possessively, throwing back my hair and sending the ¡°hoes¡± a signal. Back off, he¡¯s not interested. * * * The nightclub is dark and booming and we get in easily; they know who he is, even though we¡¯re far away from home. Amon Carrero curse. I spot some well-known faces and gush when I realize there are some celebrities here and even more so when a couple of them wave his way. He¡¯s holding my hand and pulling me through the crowds. Jake is never wary of unfamiliar ces, and new crowds, he feels at ease wherever we go. I¡¯m trying to go easy on the alcohol, but Jake¡¯s a seasoned-drinker and frequents the bar for top ups faster than I can drink. He has me half-drunk already and I don¡¯t know how many times he¡¯s pulled me onto the dance floor; everything bumping and thumping around me. He¡¯s a good dancer and even though we have danced close at times, I get the impression he¡¯s trying to keep a gentlemanly distance. He¡¯s still flirty and having the usual banter with me, but there¡¯s a definite coolness in him now we¡¯re here. He is also staying sober, considering the way I have seen him fall into hotel rooms after a night out. We¡¯re dancing to a high-tempo song and people he knows are around us. He seems to find acquaintances everywhere we go. The upside to having a famous face and travelers¡¯ blood, I guess. We sit with them and share a few drinks before I get up to dance with a girl named Lolly, who can¡¯t keep her eyes off Jake: it¡¯s irritating as hell. It only makes me snarky and I find I have no warmth for the girl at all. I cut in a few times to dance in front of her with an invasive shimmy, in the name of saving him from her wandering hands anytime she gets too close to him. Jake seems amused and just pulls me close to let me dance against him. Oblivious. He came out to have fun, not get mauled by some overbearing red head in a Wonderbra. Jake doesn¡¯t even seem to acknowledge it at all. Maybe this is why I avoid going out with him? This need to have women leave him be and let him enjoy his night. I suppose it¡¯s the opposite of what he wants, but right now I don¡¯t care. I¡¯m not ying third wheel. He leaves to go to the bar with one of the men that we have started to party with. I¡¯m pretty sure I¡¯ve seen him on the big screen, but I¡¯m too shy to ask and his posse all look a tad familiar. I¡¯m wildly outside myfort zone. Hands move around me as a shady, sleazy, familiar face slides in behind me and tries some groin to butt hump dancing. I remove his fingers icily, aware of that rise of bile in my stomach at a male touch, and stumble to the bar feeling thoroughly cringe; looking for the one guy I feel safe with. I don¡¯t want this creep¡¯s hands on me, his breath on my neck. I want Jake¡¯s presence and the security it offers from overly handy men. Jake¡¯s being served and hands me a colorful cocktail as soon as I appear beside him. It has a sparkly straw and umbre and he grins as he ces it in my hands. I¡¯m sure there¡¯s some sort of joke in it, but I¡¯m thirsty and it tastes amazing. It reminds me of the drink he gave me in his office the first time I ever met him. He regards me weirdly and shakes his head in amusement, looking at the drink in my hand. I guess it¡¯s the fact I¡¯m holding a pink sparkly drink with a m¨¦nage of decorations that¡¯s amusing, without argument, and obviously liking it; it¡¯s not me. I kind of like it though and I like that it amuses him. That smile always makes me smile, while looking down at my pretty drink. Again, a hand slides slowly over my ass, copping a feel with a firm suggestive squeeze, and I jerk my head up in shock. What the hell is he doing? Except, Jake is standing in front of me with a beer in one hand and his cell in the other, staring down at the illuminated screen; he clocks my reaction and looks past me, scowling. ¡°Hey, buddy ¡­ Hands off.¡± He res, and the shady familiar face lifts his palms in mock apology. Still towering behind me a little too closely. I move nearer to Jake in a bid to put distance behind me. ¡°Jake, mate ¡­ You said she was just a friend,¡± he¡¯s slurring, almost in my ear, he¡¯s so close. ¡°I know what I said.¡± Jake moves forward, pulling me aside with a strong hand and ces himself between me and sleazy. I¡¯m not sure how to react so I sip my drink nervously. d of his powerful body shielding me; in this state I may just curl up and cry. Where is feisty Emma? The rear-view of Jake¡¯s body towers in front of me and I can almost taste the tension emanating from him. I guess this is a hint at angry Jakeing out to y. He¡¯s always quicker to temper tantrums when he¡¯s drunk, or so Daniel implied when regaling drunken talesst time he stayed over. His stiff body and electric sparks crackling in the air, even from back here. Angry Jake is not much fun. Whatever sleazy is saying to him, he doesn¡¯t seem to like it at all. I can¡¯t hear their mumbled conversation over the music, so I look him up and down instead, enjoying the waves of drunkenness calming and pulling me into dreamy euphoria. I like his back, it¡¯s strong and sexy, especially in ck tailored shirts; and those ass hugging ck jeans. He has the nicest ass. He has the swooniest male body if I¡¯m being honest, no matter what he wears. He¡¯s still so cool and in control, regardless of his stance. ¡°Buddy¡± disys defeat, says something quietly and moves off with a frown. I can tell, even from behind, that Jake¡¯s glowering at him. I saw his ears move. I had to suppress the giggle it pulls out of me, some vague drunken memory about his ears. I don¡¯t know why that¡¯s funny. I can only me the copious amount of alcohol that Jake has kept throwing at me since our arrival. ¡°Jake?¡± I¡¯m already tipsy and a bit unsteady on four-inch heels. Damn Donna and her love of high shoes, and my weakness at seeing them. Damn me for not keeping track of how much I¡¯ve drunk and letting him fuel me on cocktails this way. I take stock of how much things are swaying around me, or maybe it¡¯s me that¡¯s swaying? He turns to me and there¡¯s a look on his face that¡¯s unfamiliar, scary in an attractive way. Possessive, dangerous, but then it¡¯s gone and he¡¯s all Mr. Smooth. smiles again and asking what¡¯s wrong, with a look of concern.This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. I love his looks of concern; they make me all warm and gooey inside. Sexiness personified when he looks that way. I just love all of Jake¡¯s looks, heck I love Jake¡¯s face. I just love Jake. ¡°I think I¡¯m too drunk.¡± I giggle, sloshing my drink over the ss and barely miss both of our shoes. He frowns down at where it went before a smile breaks across that charming face. How the hell did that happen? ¡°I think you¡¯re right, lightweight; I forgot how intolerant you are to liquor.¡± He takes the ss from me carefully and ces it on the bar as I sway around. I can¡¯t help but watch the way his upper arm bulges when he bends it. Why does he have to be so muscly and hunky? He always buys fitted clothes that only add to the effect and it¡¯s really soul destroying. He should wear sack¡¯s from now on, maybe that would help. I can picture him in a sack, it¡¯s still a turn on and that rms me. Life isn¡¯t fair in any way. Chapter 45 Chapter 45 ¡°Dance with me, Jake.¡± The slurring, flirty, female voice sounds so bold. Who said that? I think that was my voice, wasn¡¯t it? Damn, maybe. I guess by the way he smiles at me in response, it was. I feel merry. I like being merry, it¡¯s kind of light and warm. I¡¯mpletely aware that my internal dialog is that of a very drunk person with no filter but he says nothing, just puts his beer down, slides me toward him with a firm hand, and pulls me toward the dance floor with ease. He¡¯s smooth. Why would I expect any less from Casanova Carrero? He manhandles women effortlessly on a daily basis. Lots of practice at it. Well, not so muchtely as he seems to be cooling his jets on the women front. There hasn¡¯t been a girl on the scene for a couple of weeks at least, maybe longer, but I hadn¡¯t noticed at first. It¡¯s a slower song and he moves in close to me as we join the throng of dancers. It¡¯s hard to dance when you¡¯re this drunk and in very high heels on jelly legs. I¡¯m swaying, but I don¡¯t think it¡¯s in time to the music. I trip, stumble into Jake¡¯s nice strong arms, d he knows just how to catch me, and I gasp in fright. He¡¯s good at pulling my body into his in a hurry mid catastrophe, saving me from myself. God, he smells good! My hero! Who would have thought slinky boss Carrero was my sexy savior? Cute and hot¡ªyes! Hero. Most definitely! ¡°Maybe we should go, tiny?¡± he seems uneasy and puts me back on my own feet, at arm¡¯s length. Startling me with what seems like nervous tension. Except that can¡¯t be right because my boss is never nervous. He¡¯s always Mr. Confident. ¡°I want to stay and ¡­ Let my hair down.¡± I giggle and fall into him again as I lose my footing for the second time, my shoe moving into a right angle that should have broken my ankle ordinarily. He catches me and my nose grazes his cor bone getting a lungful of Carrero scent. It¡¯s pretty heady; his aftershave and his personal smell, an intoxicating mixture. I could breathe it in, over and over, enjoying how unique it is. Enamored with it and how he¡¯s so good, strong, powerful and safe ¡­ Crap, what am I doing? If I keep this up, I know I¡¯m going to do something stupid, like the kiss in my mother¡¯s bed. I¡¯ve snaked my hands around his neck and I¡¯m nuzzling my face into his chest without even being aware of my own body¡¯s actions. I¡¯m too drunk, this is a bad idea. Almost as brazen as the night I kissed him in his sleep. ¡°Okay. Time to go, tootsie.¡± He unravels my arms from his neck, leans down and picks me up, lifting me up in a fireman¡¯s hold, so my face is behind him. One easy swoop. His firm hands around my thighs, holding them tight against his muscr chest. I wonder if this is a safety precaution so I can¡¯t attempt to seduce him. I¡¯m too drunk to react and I¡¯m kind of d to be off those shoes; my ankle is tingling. I¡¯m dizzy and I don¡¯t think I should stay and explore what I was attempting to do. Good save, Mr. Carrero. I can¡¯t trust myself, but I can trust you to look after me. I hang down his back limply, sliding my arms around his sides so theye around his waist to the front. I can trace out his taut stomach muscles under my ttened palms and have to quell the urge to slide my hand inside his shirt for a better feel. Iy my cheek against his back, closing my eyes at the familiarity of him instead, inhale that citrus goodness. I give in to the motion of his walk as he takes me out of the pumping club. There are a lot of nces our way, but Jake doesn¡¯t seem to care. I guess a Neanderthal carrying a drunk woman out of a club in Vegas is a normal urrence. * * * In the car heys me down t on my back and pulls off my shoes, cradling my feet in hisp with warm sensual hands kneading them softly, avoiding conversation or eye contact; I nestle my head against the door to stop the world spinning.All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. His hands are exquisite on my ankles and feet and it feels better than good; no one¡¯s ever taken my shoes off like this. No one has ever just run soft fingers over my feet at all, the way he¡¯s doing now. He¡¯s gentle and attentive, something most people would not expect of Jake Carrero. Handsy, but not in a sleazy way, not really, despite all his jokes and sexual innuendos. He just always makes me feel safe. ¡°Why are you stealing my shoes?¡± I mumble yfully, trying not to squirm in case he stops. ¡°I like those shoes.¡± I¡¯m angling for humorous Jake, flirty Jake. I like arguing with him, he¡¯s always funny; I don¡¯t like this silent, pondering version, even though I¡¯m sure he¡¯s drunk as much as me, but he looks so serious. ¡°I¡¯m taking you home, Emma. You¡¯re going to bed and you don¡¯t need your shoes for that. I¡¯m satisfying my foot fetish instead.¡± He smirks, but it doesn¡¯t reach his eyes. He sounds tired; maybe he really hasn¡¯t got boundless, eternal energy after all. ¡°You don¡¯t have a foot fetish, silly! I need to walk up the stairs.¡± I argue with a snigger. Stifling the urge to giggle. ¡°I don¡¯t think you could, even without your shoes, Emma. I¡¯ll carry you. How do you know I don¡¯t have a serious thing for feet?¡± The memory of the shoulder lift to the car pops into my head and it¡¯s not altogether unpleasant. In fact, I almost start looking forward to it. The Neanderthal carrying from Jake has its upside. I get to feel those abs for a start. ¡°Okay ¡­ And you don¡¯t. You check out women¡¯s boobs, asionally an ass, not their feet.¡± My eyes are closed, my arm isid across my head as I try to getfy. The car is spinning, and my hair is tickling my face. My limbs too heavy to move it away, so I try and blow it out of my face instead, childishly, while making a lot of noise. I¡¯m blowing, but it¡¯s still in my mouth, irritatingly so. ¡°You¡¯re a hopeless drunk, you know that?¡± he utters warmly. I think he¡¯sughing at me, but I¡¯m a little toofy to reply. I tingle all over as his touch connects, moving the hair off my face, he lifts my arm to untangle the strand caught in my bracelet. It¡¯s nice, relieving to have the irritation removed as he pulls my arm straight toward him andys it on the cool leather seat. The sway of the moving car lulls me into a soothed, rxed mode with closed eyes. I could fall asleep so easily. ¡°I¡¯m just hopeless in general,¡± I chuckle again. He says nothing, and I experience a tug of outrage that he may agree, but I let it slide over me the same way these waves and warm tides are doing. My arm is still warm, I think he still has his hand on it. I open one eye and look down to check: he¡¯s tracing my bracelet with his fingertips looking lost in thought, a hint of a frown crossing his beautiful face. ¡°What are you thinking about?¡± I ask, like a child, no filter. Alcohol taking away my normal inhibitions. ¡°You ¡­ Me ¡­¡± He seems distant. Something cold in his voice and I don¡¯t like it; he looks away from me, toward the window and gazes at the passing night scenery and bright lights of Vegas. His all too godly profile looking very much like a magazine cover, outlined in the dark window. I¡¯m saddened by his mood and expression and it swells inside of me. ¡°Are you mad at me for being this drunk, and making you bring me home?¡± I ask, trying to understand his somber look. My voice is almost vulnerable. Wounded. ¡°No ¡­ I like this side of you. I just wasn¡¯t feeling it anymore, figured it was a good time to leave.¡± He throws me a small quick smile and looks away again. His eyes so dark with emotion. I hate seeing him like this and want to know what¡¯s wrong. ¡°Then why so glum, Mr. Cartierro?¡± my joke again, rising from myst drunken bout. How funny. I giggle impulsively and heughs softly. He remembers my joke too. I love hisugh. ¡°There¡¯s so much about you that you keep from me ¡­ Your mother ¡­ Nightmares.¡± He releases my arm and leans away, shoving his shoulder against the door, resting his head against the frame dejectedly. I wonder why this is going through his head now, after a great night. Why now? ¡°My mom¡¯s a Pandora¡¯s box, Jake ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t know where to begin with her. Yes, I have dreams about what Ray did to me. I didn¡¯t think it was something I had to share ¡­ Are you upset with me?¡± I sit up a little, trying to read his expression, his handes up to the side of his face cushioning it from the door frame and he¡¯s ring outside. He doesn¡¯t reply. I know he¡¯s mulling over Vanquis, both the past, in my teens, and more recently in Chicago. Chapter 46 Chapter 46 ¡°Physical pain goes away, Jake ¡­ Don¡¯t focus on injuries that healed in weeks.¡± I flop back down, the irritation rising to strangle out my mellow drunkenness. Dismissing it. I don¡¯t need this right now. My insides start to clench with anxiety. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I sense his shift in position, so he¡¯s looking at me. Does he really have no clue? The physical side means nothing in the grand scheme of things; it¡¯s the emotional mess left inside of me that I don¡¯t want Jake to see. ¡°He broke my arm and ribs; he almost broke my nose and he gave me a concussion that had me in hospital for days. But it all healed in time.¡± I don¡¯t even remember how that felt. Why am I telling him this? Alcohol is like a lubricant for my goddamn mouth. I¡¯m drunk and somehow it doesn¡¯t feel as bad saying it out loud when I am this detached from normal Emma. It¡¯s like I¡¯m talking about someone else; sad little Emma back home in Chicago, so far away. He needs to understand that none of it means anything anymore. I¡¯m not her. Jake makes an odd noise; I think it¡¯s a grunt, a snort¡ªmaybe a moan. I don¡¯t know, but it¡¯s not a good noise, it¡¯s a reaction to what I have said, and I talk fast to cover it. ¡°I mean, I don¡¯t remember the physical pain. You should forget it too,¡± I say it so matter of fact, yet softly, trying to fix the point I was making. It makes me sick in reality and tears sting my eyes despite my shrugging it off. ¡°How can I forget it?¡± he looks at me as though I have two heads and it pushes me into over-sensitive and defensively emotional Anytime we broach this subject, we fight. I don¡¯t want that right now. I can¡¯t handle this tonight. ¡°Same way I do; push it out of your head. Ignore it. Lock it away deep down and don¡¯t talk about what he did to me.¡± I try for a shrug, but at this angle it¡¯s more of a squirm because it IS upsetting me on some level. ¡°He raped you?¡± his voice is quiet and unsteady, he sounds different¡ªafraid. I guess he has been trying to figure this out for a while. How far Ray had gone. Oh, Jake, don¡¯t sound that way. A lump forms in my throat and threatens to choke me. ¡°No ¡­ He didn¡¯t ¡­ He tried ¡­ I fought back ¡­ My mom came home.¡± I stare at the ceiling of the car, listening to another version of Emma, talking out loud, detached from the secrets she¡¯s telling and trying to quell the low pain building up inside. Killing me inside. ¡°Jesus, Emma.¡± His voice is breathy, talking as he exhales, he sounds relieved, but also sad for me, and I don¡¯t like it. I pull myself up and re at him angrily. That spitfire ignited with his pity. I can¡¯t take sympathy or being made to feel weak. ¡°Don¡¯t do that!¡± I snap angrily, swirling emotion from deep down suddenly jumping out. He spins his head to look me in the eye, shocked, confused at my reaction. ¡°Don¡¯t do what?¡± he frowns defensively. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare feel sorry for me,¡± I spit, pulling myself up awkwardly while trying to force away the spinning sensation. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me in that way, like I¡¯m some sort of damaged broken ss who is too fragile for life.¡± My feet have been in hisp this whole time and I pull them away fast. Struggling up, I sway, and realize I¡¯ve got a seatbelt clipped over my waist. Safety Jake! I un-clip it and pull myself to sit properly and face him. ¡°Emma, how can I not feel something when you tell me that asshole beat the shit out of you and tried to rape you?¡± he¡¯s angry and it¡¯s unexpected. I wasn¡¯t prepared for pissed Jake, but maybe that¡¯s better than sad, sorry Jake. I don¡¯t want sad sorry. I hate people looking that way at me. ¡°Well just don¡¯t ¡­ I don¡¯t need sympathy. I fought back ¡­ Hard ¡­ He broke my bones for it, but you know what? He didn¡¯t manage to rape me; he didn¡¯t do what he wanted ¡­ I won!¡± I yell out loudly, not at Jake, but at the world in general. Anger spewing out in every direction as I snap. ¡°And what if your mom hadn¡¯t shown up, Emma? What if I hadn¡¯t shown up in Chicago and he had come back?¡± he retorts. I don¡¯t even know why he¡¯s angry, I¡¯m the one who has the right to be enraged. Not him! ¡°I would have kept fighting ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t have let him do that to me. He wasn¡¯t the first of her creep boyfriends to try.¡± My face is wet, I ignore it, barely noticing the tears running down my cheeks, oblivious until this second. I¡¯m furious and I¡¯m yelling, but I don¡¯t even know why I¡¯m yelling at Jake. He¡¯s not the one who did it. Sleazy Ray is the one who did it, my mom¡¯s creepy ass boyfriends and their wandering hands. I¡¯m shaking with heartache, my body has betrayed me and heaving with tears in my drunken stupor seems to let all this mess out. ¡°Emma,¡± he breaths sharply. Jake hauls me toward him, trying to wrap his arms around me, but I don¡¯t like it. I¡¯m in memory mode and men¡¯s unwee touch firing through my brain. I don¡¯t want him to see me cry over this, not over these memories and those men. Not over that shit or Ray Vanquis. My mind is a chaos of rage and trauma. ¡°Stop it ¡­ Stop it ¡­¡± I¡¯m resisting him, but he¡¯s stronger and faster and I¡¯m still drunk with slow reactions. The racking sobs making me weak and he¡¯s determined to hold me. ¡°Shhh. Shhhh. Emma. Shhh.¡± He captures me, cradling my head against his cheek, even though I¡¯m still fighting, but I¡¯m losing. I don¡¯t like the noisesing from deep within me, like I¡¯m spiraling out of control. I hate this. I¡¯m not weak. I¡¯m not vulnerable. The wails don¡¯t sound like they¡¯reing from me and I push his hands off me again and again, but he¡¯s relentless and his grip tightens. He pulls me hard onto him, so he can get better control of me. I¡¯m in hisp in a blink and he¡¯s all around me. Strong, tight arms and firm hands, trying to calm me so I finally give in. Ray wasn¡¯t the first to try and touch me inappropriately, there had been many hands and each one had met my sheer fire and fury. Ray hadn¡¯t been the first man to hit me either yet despite all of it, I never allowed myself to be a victim. I¡¯m not a victim now. I¡¯m stronger than all of them. ¡°You¡¯ll never look at me the same way, will you?¡± I choke; it¡¯s what I always fear about people knowing. It¡¯s one of the reasons I left Chicago. I hated people knowing what happened, looking at me that way. My friends knowing that my mother never protected me against the myriad of perverted fucks she brought home, refused to acknowledge it instead. Why she couldn¡¯t be stronger and protect me? Sarah never looked at me that way, she knew, even then, that I was made of stronger stuff. I look after Sarah now, it¡¯s my way of proving I¡¯m stronger and somehow showing myself how my mother should have been for me. ¡°Emma ¡­ You don¡¯t know how I look at you ¡­ Even before this ¡­ This won¡¯t change any of it.¡± His voice is sincere, but I¡¯m confused, I don¡¯t know what he means, I¡¯m too distraught to think straight. The tears still rolling down my face while his forehead rests against mine, his hand cupping my cheek and thumb trailing across my skin softly. His arm around me so tightly while keeping me against his warm, strong body. My eternal protector. He always brings these emotions out of me; they struggle to the surface somehow. ¡°I¡¯m not broken ¡­ I¡¯m not ¡­ I¡¯m strong and this means nothing.¡± I pull myself out of his embrace, off his lap, and move away; he doesn¡¯t stop me. I have to show him that I don¡¯t need him to feel sorry, or sad for me, that my past doesn¡¯t change who I am now. I have a fire inside of me. ¡°I know you¡¯re not, Emma ¡­ Is that what you think?¡± his voice is low and husky, as full of raw emotion as mine is. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°Do I think I¡¯m broken?¡± No, did I say that? I don¡¯t think I did. God why did I get so drunk? Everything is spinning wildly and my mind a mess. ¡°No, Emma ¡­ Do you think I would look at you any differently?¡± That¡¯s what he meant. Well, now he mentions it. Yes, I did actually. Why wouldn¡¯t he? I let men think I want them to touch me, I somehow attract it. I must do something to deserve it for it to have happened over and over. Evening here, men at Carrero House still targeted me. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t you?¡± I reply tly, staring out of the window absently, back in control of my sobs and tired from the exertion. ¡°Emma ¡­ You did nothing wrong.¡± It¡¯s breathy and tense, I think he¡¯s having trouble believing I would feel that way. He has no idea. He¡¯s probably never been in a situation anything like my past. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to be strong and cool and capable. I mean, you rely on me for everything. I can¡¯t just fall apart and whimper like some broken China, because I have a shitty past.¡± I stare away from him. Trying to fully regain my cool. He¡¯s looking at me with such an odd expression, and I realize we¡¯ve been driving for an age. Chapter 47 Chapter 47 How far from the hotel did we stray? Seems like an eternity. I need to get out of this stifling car. Take deep breaths to both cool and calm myself. ¡°You¡¯re all of those things, Emma, and I think partly, because of the shit you endured.¡± He sighs heavily. He truly doesn¡¯t know what he¡¯s talking about. ¡°You¡¯re also allowed to be human and ¡­ vulnerable ¡­ You¡¯re allowed to let someone in. Let me in!¡± he¡¯s almost pleading at me. ¡°Not with my job, Mr. Carrero.¡± I smile emptily, my voice lighter while trying to sound normal, wishing to end the tension between us. Even though he doesn¡¯t reciprocate, his eyes soften, and I wipe away my tears, turning to him once again. Calm and in control once more. ¡°Even with your job,¡± he answers gently, reaching out and taking my fingers in his tenderly, entwining them with mine and leaving our hands on the leather seat between us. I don¡¯t look down, but the warmth of his touch sends a small reassurance through me. Fully bringing me to calm. ¡°I think the boss would soon have something to say if I reverted to some feeble, emotional victim who wept over old scars, don¡¯t you?¡± I smile, hoping to turn this conversation back to our usual banter. Release this heavy fog like tension around us. ¡°The boss would be an idiot if he did.¡± He looks over at me, a hint of a sad flicker. No fun and flirty from Jake, he¡¯s still in serious mode. ¡°My boss is sometimes an idiot.¡± I flutter at him cheekily. ¡°He gets me drunk, irrationally drunk and lets me fall apart when he should know better.¡± ¡°Maybe getting you drunk is the only time you¡¯re truly yourself around him. That, and it¡¯s easier to seduce you when you can¡¯t see straight.¡± Finally, I catch that glint of cheeky in his eye. He visibly rxes into casual pose. ¡°So, you nned on getting me drunk, Mr. Smooth? To take advantage of me!¡± I shake my head, mood fully restored to tipsy mellow, everything fading away, and I¡¯m d that we¡¯ve steered away from emotional topics. This weird habit we have of going from fire to softpping waves in a sh. ¡°No ¡­ Maybe ¡­ Yes. Damn, you caught me!¡± he¡¯s smiling, but it doesn¡¯t reach his eyes and I know he¡¯s still digesting what he¡¯s learned about me. I didn¡¯t want him to know any of that stuff. I want to take it all back. What does he see now? Damaged goods ¡­ Some pathetic little girl that men tried to molest. A slutty girl who encouraged it maybe? Her own father couldn¡¯t even look at her, was too disgusted to want her. That inner shame and self-loathing rising out from the fiery depths once more and I swallow it down. ¡°I don¡¯t want to do this, Jake.¡± I utter quietly. Looking down at our hands, held together so weirdly fitted and snug. ¡°What? Snuggle in the cab? Let me take advantage of you?¡± he nces at me a little unsurely. Humor evident, but not quite hitting the mark. ¡°This whole bonding over shitty childhood experiences ¡­ I want to take it all back, so you don¡¯t know any of it.¡± I breathe out honestly, still holding his hand, still takingfort from his touch. He¡¯s my harbor in the storm right now. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s ¡­ Shameful. I¡¯m ashamed of it.¡± It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever said it out loud and admitted it. I sigh, steadying my inner turmoil but this is harder than I thought it could be. He shakes his head and pulls me close to him across the seat, releasing my hand to bring an arm around me tightly, his forehead resting against mine as he pulls my face back to him. His hand along my jawline carefully brining me to him. ¡°Emma, you never did anything wrong ¡­ You didn¡¯t ask for any of it.¡± His green eyes lock on mine forcefully, dark with emotion. ¡°I must have ¡­ Why did they keep trying?¡± ites out from somewhere inside of me, causing a sharp pain in my chest and I hate that alcohol causes this verbal diarrhea. Anytime I think I have a handle on it, teen Emma blurts out the dark secrets and insecurities to Jake. He has a way of making it happen. ¡°Because you¡¯re beautiful, and they wanted you ¡­ It makes them the sick fucks. I would destroy every single one of them to prove to you that this isn¡¯t your fault.¡± The conviction and fire in his voice and eyes makes me want to curl up in hisp again. I know that he means it, that he¡¯s capable of it. I can¡¯t let things slide so far into personal in this way, it would affect our rtionship in so many ways. I nce up at him, with what I hope, is a grateful expression and a soft smile. ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about this anymore.¡± And this time I mean it. I¡¯ve never opened up about this, never cried about it to anyone, except him and I feel nauseous at the thought that Jake just saw all of that. I want to recoil and hide in shame and take it all back. I move his hand from my face and pull away, still sitting close but gazing away from him, out of the window. ¡°Emma ¡­?¡± I can tell by his tone that he¡¯s going to push this further. I stiffen with slight hostility. Bristling up. ¡°No!¡± I answer boldly with determination. ¡°You can¡¯t open a door to let me in, then shut it in my face.¡± He pleads, his handing to trace my jawline tenderly. His touch dissolving some of my resolve for a second. His caress always makes my body sag hopelessly. ¡°Yes, I can ¡­¡± I stay, calm and aloof, wanting to remove his fingers from my skin but needing his touch more. Taking sce in it while fighting him. ¡°I won¡¯t let you, Emma ¡­ This isn¡¯t thest time we talk about this, next time you won¡¯t be drunk,¡± he seems determined building the tension between us. ¡°There will never be a next time, Jake, just let it go.¡± I¡¯m back in PA mode. Emotion pushed down and voice steady. I know he¡¯s frowning at me. I can tell by the tone of his voice, but I don¡¯t care, the alcohol is numbing things again, but I¡¯m starting to feel overwhelmingly sick. The car stops as we pull into the hotel garage, finally, the endless journeyes to a halt. I slide out as soon as we stop, moving from his side yet he tugs me by the wrist back to him and then follows me out into the dark electric lit basement. He has my shoes in one hand and he stoops to scoop me up in princess carrying fashion. My arm sliding easily behind his neck. ¡°I can walk,¡± I protest weakly. Too tired to mean it. ¡°There¡¯s broken ss and all sorts of crap down here ¡­ Be quiet and just hold on. Enjoy being the damsel for once, woman!¡± he¡¯s in boss mode and I know argument is pointless. In a way, I¡¯m d because I¡¯m still swaying, and everything keeps sliding around me. I hold on around his neck and rest my temple against his jaw, inhaling him. He feels good, he smells amazing, safe, strong, and warm and I nce up, trying to gauge how drunk he is, in the hopes he¡¯ll forget our entire conversation, but he seems normal. His focus intent on where he¡¯s heading. His green eyes clear and gorgeous as always. Was I the only one to get stered? This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. He catches my eye and gives me a genuine smile, a soft and warm look. The urge to trace his chiseled lips with my fingers shocks me and I rest my face back down into the hollow of his neck, inhaling him while I can and taking away the temptation. He carries me into the elevator and back to our rooms. Chapter 48 Chapter 48 I spend the meeting the next day wearing Jake¡¯s sunsses and nursing a hangover. My eyes are puffy and sore and my head¡¯s banging. He put me to bedst night and left me alone until our first meeting this morning; he didn¡¯t even push at me to eat breakfast or jog with him for a change. I know he¡¯s walking on eggshells waiting to see how I am. He¡¯s giving me distance, or maybe he¡¯s just looking at me and thinking I¡¯m probably mentally broken and could fall apart any day now so he should handle with care. I¡¯m in cool and grumpy mode and I¡¯m really excelling at it. Covering my inner turmoil and regrets; so far, I think I¡¯ve snapped at every person I¡¯ve met in triplicate and Jake¡¯s met my PMS face with a vengeance. He¡¯s said nothing about it, no funnyments or sarcastic telling off¡¯s, just frowned at me. He¡¯s tugged my hand out of my hair repeatedly, which is down because I couldn¡¯t bear to stand doing it this morning and I¡¯ve finally decided it¡¯s going to get cut short. So, done with all the fussing and styling it. He¡¯s being unusually patient and steady, despite the endless raised eyebrows and cool res. I think he¡¯s allowing me to behave badly because he feels responsible for getting me drunk and urging some shocking truths from me. Guilty that I¡¯m suffering a headache at his request and alcohol fueling. I¡¯m angry at him today, angry at everyone. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s because I feel rough or that I had some sort of emotional breakdown which dredged it all up to the surface for me. Either way, a bear with a sore head hasn¡¯t anything on my mood and the day is dragging endlessly. The flight back to New York isn¡¯t as bad, I sleep a lot and feel better for it. I sit in one of the rear seats, away from Jake, amazed that for the first time in my life I manage to pass out on a flight. I guess a hangover really is a cure for fear of flying. Maybe, I¡¯m finally learning to trust his pilot. I have my own space to just get a grip on myself. I thought things would be awkward with him after I let all that horrendous crap slip out in the car, but he seems the same; if anything, he seems more normal than normal. Effortlessly Jake. Finally, I wake and move to a seat beside him. Sliding in easily and meeting his charming smile with my own. Within moments I¡¯m staring out onto the clouds in the beautiful blue sky while Jake has papers in front of him with his cell on top. ¡°Emma, for the love of god.¡± I flit back up confused and frown as he tugs my fingers out of my hair. I roll my eyes, both at him and myself. I¡¯ve literally given up trying to counteract this annoying habit when it surfaces, half the time I am oblivious to it. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°I swear, I¡¯m going to insist on tying that back up.¡± He seems narky now. Whatever has transpired while I slept has him in a grumpy mood. ¡°So, first you get on at me to wear it down all the time, and now you want it tied back up?¡± I pout, a little annoyed at his new mood. ¡°I didn¡¯t think you would pull and twirl your hair like a child every time you got stressed.¡± He tenses his shoulder and moves in his seat a little. He looks agitated, hands raking over the paper he¡¯s dropped in hisp. A quick nce shows it¡¯s a contract that has been causing problemstely. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s endearing to your clients ¡­ I¡¯m not stressed.¡± I lie. Lately my head never stops obsessing over how Sophie is getting on. Whether my mother is home yet, and whether Ray has crawled back into a dark hole after Jake¡¯s beating. Stressed would be an understatement and probably the cause of the hair twirling. He gives me a strange look and frowns. ¡°I don¡¯t care if my PA is endearing to my clients, I just want her to do the job I ask of her,¡± he sighs; he¡¯s on edge too, he seems distracted. Moody Carrero on full show. ¡°Which I do ¡­ Hair twisting and all. Grumpy!¡± I huff too and he looks at me for a moment, a brief flicker across his face as he gives up this pointless bickering. We¡¯re both so touchy today it seems. No idea where all this came from. Possibly his dyed hangover if he even got one. ¡°Have you got any info on this dance my father has conned us into? Eternally pimping me out to yet another glitzy affair,¡± he says instead, softening his frown. I slide the file out of my bag d of the change of direction and give it to him. It¡¯s for a dance and auction for some charity. We received his father¡¯s request that we should make an appearance at this event and luckily, I managed to print off the details before getting on the ne. It¡¯s not unlike Senior to make such requests. He flips through the file and I go back to gazing out at the clouds floating by. His eyes are on me and I realize I¡¯m doing it again; I release my hair and tuck my hand under the side of my leg. I can¡¯t help it. Everything that¡¯s happened in under a week has me on edge, even when I¡¯m not thinking of anything. I¡¯ve been uptight constantly. I seem to be unable to stop fidgetingtely. I can¡¯t even begin to trace back when it started again, subtle and mild fidgeting. I¡¯m sure he started chastising me after ¡­ The kiss¡ªin the kitchen. I gulp. ¡°We may have to get really drunk to get through this one,¡± he sighs dramatically and ps the papers down on the table. ¡°I think we should give the booze a rest for tonight. I don¡¯t think my poor body can handle a new hangover when it¡¯s still suffering with one.¡± I grimace. ¡°Never heard of ¡®hair of the dog¡¯, tiny?¡± Jake smiles at me. ¡°Drink to kill a hangover and worry about it later.¡± ¡°Is that a Jake Carrero hangover cure?¡± I roll my eyes. ¡°Tried and tested. I¡¯ll happily let you try it.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll pass. I don¡¯t want to spend my first weekend off dying in bed, thank you very much.¡± ¡°You can stay in my bed, and I promise I¡¯ll distract you from any nasty hangovers. Second tried and tested method, is to sweat it out of you, with some vigorous acrobatics.¡± He winks at me with a cheeky grin and gets another heavy sigh in response as I battle the urge tough. Jake never tires of the sexual references. I wonder if I¡¯ll ever tire ofughing at them. If it was anyone else, I don¡¯t think I would find them funny at all or harmless, but with him. They don¡¯t mean anything. * * * The dance is nice, very grand with an awesome Asian feel. There are lots of authentic looking costumes, drinks, and lots of sparkly things to eye up. There¡¯s a whole host of speeches and droning speeches before the dance gets underway, and as usual, the shing of a million cameras. I¡¯m so used to them nowadays I never really notice anymore. ¡°Dance, Miss. Anderson?¡± Jake¡¯s back in charming and happy mode and dazzles me with a gorgeous rxed smile. ¡°Certainly, Mr. Carrero.¡± I take his hand and follow him through the crowd to join other guests; it¡¯s a slow song and he moves me expertly. Dancing with Jake is fast bing one of my favorite past times. Like everything he does, it¡¯s with a smooth, confident capability that seems annoyingly easy for him. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing you have a young female PA.¡± I smile up at him, feeling rxed in his embrace, letting myself ooze into him. Chapter 49 Chapter 49 ¡°Why is that?¡± ¡°Saves you having to wine and dine leggy blondes on short notice, when you can¡¯t be bothered or have a hangover.¡± I smirk. Inwardly d he has no date with him tonight. ¡°I guess. Although that stiff double whiskey sorted me right out.¡± He¡¯s smiling, he seems rxed tonight despite his earlier weirdness and there¡¯s that casualid back energy. ¡°What¡¯s with that anyway?¡± I ask curiously. ¡°What¡¯s with what?¡± he looks over my head and nods at someone trying to catch his attention - ever sociable Carrero. Back to swaying with me to the music, he seems distant suddenly, but I know he¡¯s trying to avoid my gestapo questioning. ¡°Theck of leggy bosomstely?¡± It¡¯s been in the back of my mind, hisck of ymates and sleep overs for weeks now. He shrugs and spins me around, pulls me back into his arm yfully and lightly smacks me on the butt. I throw him a mock rmed look; the tug of his grin is not lost on me and I get that warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach at his good mood. He¡¯s so much more mellow since wended. ¡°Lost your sex drive or merely misced it?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± He¡¯s smiling, but that guarded look is back with my probing, he¡¯s being deliberately evasive, pulling out that tug of irritation at him. Oh, so we¡¯re ying the one-word answer game, are we? He looks amused at my dry expression. ¡°Bored?¡± I press. ¡°So, so ¡­ Just taking a break.¡± He shrugs and looks over me again, this time winking at another attention grabber. For goodness sake. ¡°You do that, do you?¡± I cock my head to the side, studying his chiseled jawline, the sparkle of his mystical eyes in this light. He looks particrly handsome tonight. ¡°Sometimes.¡± I doubt it very much. I¡¯m pretty sure in all the years I researched his social endeavors, I have never seen a break in the flow of women, but maybe some of them were just stand in dates, like me. PA and assistants when he couldn¡¯t be bothered. ¡°Are you sick?¡± I know I¡¯m prying but I live with him and I know how much he likes to roll in the sheets, and by my calctions it¡¯s been a while since thest one. A long while. ¡°Not that I¡¯m aware.¡± He throws me a quizzical nce with raised eyebrows that says, ¡°Where are you going with this?¡±, but he¡¯s still smiling. He catches my hand and holds it to his forehead with a furrowed brow. ¡°Do I feel sick?¡± I pull my hand free and shake my head at him in exasperation. We go back to swaying, but my brain is still mulling it over. ¡°You¡¯re not? ¡­ You know?¡± I hesitate as the telltale heat runs up my cheeks and I curse myself for asking this. ¡°What?¡± he¡¯sughing now, I think he knows what I¡¯m going to ask and it¡¯s absolutely hrious to him. He has that amused look on his face, the all-knowing eye. How does he do that? ¡°Having man problems?¡± I blush furiously. Why am I even asking this, god? I¡¯ve be as nosey as him! And as inappropriate! ¡°No ¡­ No ¡°man problems¡±, Emma. Don¡¯t worry, my libido is still intact and waiting for you to name the ce. Why are you so interested in myck of sexual partners?¡± He shakes his head, locking eyes with mine finally, being direct. ¡°It¡¯s just ¡­ I¡¯ve worked for you for a while now and it¡¯s the first time there¡¯s been a lull in ¡­ ytime.¡± I answer, my skin on fire and I suddenly wish I never started this line of interrogation. I am practically squirming with awkwardness. Why do I care so much anyway? ¡°You¡¯re keeping tabs? Little bit jealous, maybe?¡± he smirks at me, a twinkle in those alluring eyes. ¡°No!¡± I flush and realize my cheeks are ming now, I must be bright red. He¡¯s smirking at me as he moves me around in time to the music and pulls me against his jaw so we¡¯re resting easily. Giving me a break from his interrogation and instead enveloped by his warmth against my face. He moves my body against his expertly, slowly moving us. ¡°I just need a little break from demanding, stroppy women ¡­ even casual sex can be a hassle.¡± He shrugs, tly. ¡°I see. So, am I just the stand in date from now on then?¡± I ask seriously. A tingle of annoyance in that fact. ¡°Never! You¡¯re always my number one girl.¡± He throws me a mock shocked look, as though I¡¯ve offended him. ¡°I don¡¯t know why you¡¯reining. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve seen you warm to a single female I¡¯ve dated,¡± he states as a matter of fact, then spins me and brings me back to his face, tipping his chin down so his nose grazes my shoulder when he pulls me in. His breath fans my naked skin as this dress is strapless, and it makes me goose bump all over. It¡¯s a little red number and far too molded to my body for my liking. He presses his ear against my ear intimately, the new position meaning my face is almost buried in his shoulder and neck, closer than moments before. I¡¯m a little breathless and to anyone watching, this is not a tonic pose. Especially as this dress is all cleavage, and Jake¡¯s looking directly into it. ¡°I didn¡¯t know I was meant to?¡± I stumble over the words, conscious of the fact I¡¯m suddenly light- headed. Overly aware of how well our bodies fit together and how sexual this feels. ¡°You¡¯re not ¡­ It¡¯s up to you ¡­ Either you like them, or you don¡¯t, it doesn¡¯t matter ¡­ not one of them is permanent.¡± He moves back to his previous hold, giving me some breathing room again and I exhale with relief. He lifts his hand from my waist and waves at someone behind me then returns it back to its warm spot on my body. Pulling me in a little closer if that is possible. I¡¯m practically part of his body like this. ¡°What do you see in them?¡± I¡¯ve mulled over this every time I met one, never seeing the connection and I can¡¯t stop asking dumb questions. He raises his eyebrow, followed by a smile which says ¡°really?¡±, and I feel stupid. Okay, so he¡¯s a man! And they¡¯re all drop dead gorgeous, with scantily covered, lithe bodies, and huge boobs; every one has been stunning, in that fake, stic over-manicured way. ¡°I mean besides that?¡± I falter drily. ¡°Nothing ¡­ hence why they¡¯re all temporary. None have your cute little face, perfect figure, or sexy little personality.¡± He throws me another flirty grin. I think eye rolling has be my most used facial expression since meeting him and his cheesy lines. ¡°So, another deliberate move by smooth Mr. Carrero then?¡± Another premeditated game y? Maybe we¡¯re not so different after all, both control our lives so fluidly. ¡°Pretty much.¡± The music tempo changes slightly, but it¡¯s still a slow song so he lifts my hand in his, a tad higher, checks his watch and puts his arm back to its previous position. He¡¯s getting bored being here, all the Jake signsing out. We¡¯ll be leaving soon at this rate, but I want to know. ¡°So, you avoid people you might actually want to make more permanent?¡± I press on. Like a dog with a bone. ¡°Mmm-hmmm ¡­ makes sure I don¡¯t get too involved ¡­ Waiting on you to hurry up and confess undying love, Bambino.¡± He winks at me, flexing his eyebrows knowingly. ¡°You¡¯re exhausting, you know that?¡± I sigh again, exasperated by him at times. ¡°So? What is your type if it¡¯s not leggy boobs with killer nails?¡± I push, smiling shyly. Determination pushing in. His eyes flicker to me seriously for a moment, then he shrugs. ¡°Someone real. Maybe short, blonde, blue eyed with a name like Emma.¡± His grin is over the top, full on charming Carrero and I resist the urge to bop him on the head. He¡¯s never serious about this stuff. Ever! I exhale heavily. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°More real than fake boobs and Botox you mean?¡± I ignore thements about me, despite the little elevated heartbeat it has erupted and swipe them aside as another joke. ¡°Something like that.¡± His short answers are starting to drive me slowly insane; I think he¡¯s deliberately trying to be obtuse and pull a reaction. ¡°You¡¯re not giving much away,¡± I pout, a little huffily. ¡°What do you want to know exactly? I thought I already described the perfect woman ¡­ did I forget pushy and nosy?¡± he spins me again and now I¡¯m back in his arms, but able to see his face properly form how he has me in his arms. It¡¯s like he¡¯s avoiding eye contact now. ¡°If I believed you for one minute, Carrero! What¡¯s your type, if you wanted more than just sex? Brte ¡­ red head, short ¡­ curvy? What?¡± He frowns down at me, spins me under his arm and pecks me on the cheek with a quick kiss almost like a shut-up motion. ¡°It¡¯s not so much about looks, Emma ¡­ It would be someone I can hang out with, who doesn¡¯t bore me ¡­ Someone with an IQrger than her bust size.¡± Chapter 50 Chapter 50 Well, that¡¯s a revtion, and it¡¯s kind of sweet. I grin at him, stupidly pleased with his answer for no reason. ¡°Someone smart ¡­ and normal?¡± I gush ¡°Pretty much.¡± For once he doesn¡¯t add in a flirtyment, finally being serious. I figure so many women in the world would squeal over this tidbit of information right now, giving hope to the millions of adoring women. ¡°Someone like me?¡± Iugh ovee with hesitation and a touch of nerves. ¡°I already told you, Bambino. Confess how crazy you are for me and I¡¯ll marry you before dawn. We both know you¡¯ve the serious hots for your sexy boss.¡± That face is nothing but sheer jest and smiles. I shake my head, eye roll at his usual annoying self and sigh all at the same time. ¡°You¡¯re infuriating,¡± I scold gently. ¡°That¡¯s why you¡¯re crazy in love with me, shorty. Drink?¡± He leads me to the table, but I shake my head; I guess he¡¯s signaled the end of conversation. Something we¡¯re both good at and he obviously is done with this direction of prodding. ¡°Maybe best if I don¡¯t,¡± I giggle, still not fully recovered. He studies me for a second then shrugs. ¡°One won¡¯t hurt. Live a little.¡± ¡°I think you like getting me drunk, Jake.¡± ¡°I like loosening you up, starchy pants. Makes it easier to get you naked.¡± He winks at me and that devilish smile reappears, a nearby waitress gawps at what she has overheard and moves away fast. I can only sigh and raise a brow at him. ¡°You pay me to keep my pants starched remember, and on! If I was, Miss. Loose and lively, I would be a shitty PA.¡± We move to sit at an empty table amid my disapproving scold. ¡°I don¡¯t know, might be fun having a drunk PA. A naked one would be even better. Would love to see you endure a stuffy meeting in full blown drunk Emma mode. Not sure I would let others see you naked though.¡± He shrugs again, pulling out my chair and seating me at the table. He gestures for another waiter seeing as our server has taken off. ¡°I probably wouldn¡¯t be a hit ¡­ naked or not. Especially with the stuffed shirts you have meetings with.¡± ¡°I can agree with that.¡± He¡¯s smiling and hands me a champagne ss from a passing tray. ¡°I like drunk Emma, might ask her to be my temporary girlfriend. You know, anytime we¡¯re both drunk¡ª we¡¯re in a rtionship.¡± Despite my protests, I take the ss and throw him an indulgent look, fighting the urge to grin. ¡°So, you¡¯ve mentioned many times before.¡± I¡¯m feeling edgy with his persistence tonight and I don¡¯t like where this is heading. All jokes and fun tonight. ¡°I¡¯d like to see you really let go, Emma.¡± He watches me carefully as though examining something under a microscope. ¡°In what way?¡± I¡¯m not sure I like that look on his face. ¡°No work ¡­ just chilled and loose and free to have a good time.¡± ¡°I work for you remember ¡­ if I¡¯m around you, then it¡¯s usually a good sign that I¡¯m meant to be working.¡± I raise my eyebrows at him and sip my champagne, seeing his look of approval at my ¡°living a little¡± and sigh. ¡°Maybe I need to take you on holiday then.¡± That annoying spark of determination fleets across his face. His body sliding down into the chair, a casual Carrero posture and my heart sinks. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°This again?¡± my gut tightens, and my mood dwindles. ¡°We go away together a lot ¡­ maybe we both need a trip for pleasure? Lots and lots of pleasure.¡± He¡¯s off on negotiation mode and I grit my teeth. ¡°Jake ¡­?¡± I warn, frowning to tell him not to say it. ¡°Listen to me ¡­ after Chicago ¡­ everything that went on, please ¡­ We both need this; it¡¯s only two weeks, Emma ¡­ you¡¯ll have your own room. No hanky panky, I swear. I will be the ultimate gentleman. My dad¡¯s yacht ¡­ the Caribbean ¡­ just picture it.¡± It¡¯s almost a childish beg, from a stroppy boy. ¡°I agree, Jake, but it¡¯s still not right to take me on some romantic getaway.¡± I try to refuse and ignore the sense of guilt at making him look this way. ¡°Is that the issue? You think a tropical beach on a boat is too romantic? Worried I may make good on some of my promises?¡± An edge to his tone indicates he¡¯s getting annoyed with me, he¡¯s disappointed and he is not used to the word No. Why am I so reluctant? ¡°No, it¡¯s just ¡­¡± I don¡¯t actually know what it¡¯s just ¡­ ¡°Just?¡± he presses moodily I¡¯m lost for words, and he sees me flounder. ¡°It¡¯s agreed then?¡± he looks smug at my hesitation and dives in with hisrge Carrero feet. ¡°What is?¡± my voice tight, knowing him only too well and how overbearing he can be. ¡°We go on a trip,¡± he shrugs oh so casually. ¡°I didn¡¯t say yes.¡± I grind out but Jake is in steam rolling mode and he always does this to me. I¡¯ve never known anyone with this ability to maneuver me into his way of thinking. Or just bullying me into it. ¡°You didn¡¯t have a reason to say no either ¡­ I¡¯ll just make youe with me and call it a business trip ¡­ I¡¯ll fire you if you refuse.¡± He drinks some of his champagne, his eyes never leaving mine, with that look of goading to challenge him. ¡°That¡¯s not fair,¡± I sigh, knowing I¡¯m losing because this is how he can be. ¡°You¡¯re the only girl I know who would turn down two weeks in the sun, Emma ¡­ I¡¯ll still be paying you, regardless.¡± He shrugs at me as if that¡¯s answers all my concerns. I could scream. ¡°I¡¯m not worried about the money.¡± I re at him haughtily, king of insulted but it only gets me a smile in return. ¡°You¡¯re worried about being alone with me? Worried I¡¯ll get you naked and you can¡¯t refuse me? We¡¯re alone most of the time ¡­ we¡¯ve shared a million hotel rooms ¡­ you¡¯ve stayed in my apartment too.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that, it¡¯s just ¡­¡± I falter and sigh, not even sure how to verbalize it. ¡°It¡¯s not work, and you¡¯re unsure how to navigate it?¡± he cocks his brow at me, a softness epassing his expression. ¡°Maybe.¡± I shrug, perplexed at this whole thing. ¡°Rx and trust me, for once in your life, woman.¡± He sighs, irritation in his eye because he¡¯s starting to get annoyed with my persistent refusals. ¡°I do trust you and stop calling me that.¡± I shove his foot with mine, hard. It¡¯s in its usual close position, almost welded next to mine and an easy target. ¡°Do you?¡± he considers me seriously and I can¡¯t ignore the hint of hurt. Wow, when did that happen, when did Jake start doubting that I trust him? A wave of guilt runs through me, impulsively I want to smooth away his frown on his wless face as it causes all kinds of guilty pangs. ¡°Yes, I do ¡­ I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re looking at me that way. Who else would get away with half the crap you say and do to me?¡± I try a softer tone, but he just looks across the crowded room sulkily. He sighs and indicates we should go. Deted. Jake my sulker. I nce at my watch and smile tightly, it¡¯s not toote, but he¡¯s right. I¡¯m tired and I don¡¯t like the way this is going. It¡¯s no fun here anymore. We only needed to show face, and we have done. I sigh and look away from him, knowing he¡¯s right, he¡¯s never mentioned what he did to Ray after we walked away from his lifeless body, but I know he¡¯s been thinking about it. We do need a break. To clear the air, to reset the button. All this irritation and tension between ustely, maybe he has a point. I don¡¯t want this to be something we bicker over endlessly. What harm could it do? ¡°When do you want to go?¡± I finally breathe out. ¡°You¡¯re serious?¡± he catches my chin with his fingers and forces me to look at him. I shrug in answer, knowing when I¡¯m defeated and his face breaks into adolescent happiness. He swoops down with a kiss on my head and I can¡¯t help but smile as he beams at me. Like a kid who found a lollipop. This is the man worth billions of dors, who runs an empire. Yes. This childish pain in my ass is meant to be my boss! Chapter 51 Chapter 51 We¡¯re finally home and I¡¯m standing in my apartment. Sarah isn¡¯t here, as usual, only this time it vexes me. There¡¯s a crap load of male things infused throughout the apartment, and that rank smell of Marcus¡¯s aftershave is over everything. I¡¯m also aware that in the whole time I¡¯ve been gone, I have only heard from her via text, asking about my mother briefly. I know I shouldn¡¯t be upset. I barely touch base with her either, but I assumed I would have at least one call. Seeing as I haven¡¯t been home in a week or more. I march to my room and throw my suitcase down in agitation. I have two whole days at home for a change as Jake is shooting off to see his momma for her birthday, and for once, I¡¯m not being dragged along for the asion. I know Jake loves his mother and he wants some alone time with her; he has ns to take her on a shopping and spa day, her and her two sons. My room is depressing, after the weeks of jumping from grand hotels and Jake¡¯s apartment for quick changes and flight stop overs. I kind of miss it, the view from hisfy ivory tower and the city lights stretching below. My room¡¯s ustrophobic and it doesn¡¯t help that there¡¯s a mountain of clothes piled on three surfaces, from mying home to throw out the contents of one suitcase, and pack another before leaving again. My cell beeps and I open the text, surprised to see Jake¡¯s name already. We¡¯ve barely left one another and I¡¯m still wearing my dress from the dance. Red satin and floor length, all boobs, and shoulders on show. What are you doing? I guess he¡¯s bored already, maybe like me he¡¯s feeling listless and unsettled. I¡¯ve been home less than an hour and already I¡¯m itching to get out of these four walls. He¡¯s supposed to be getting an early night for his trip home tomorrow, but I send a reply with a smile on my face. Staring at a sea of pointless clothes and wondering how I¡¯m going to wrestle Donna¡¯s gold card away from those itchy fingers. Can Ie stare with you? His reply makes me smile and that usual warmth grows in my chest. My poor boss is really losing the ability to socialize with normal people, beyond me ¡­ What am I doing to him? It¡¯s still early, so I guess he isn¡¯t ready for sleep. I know I¡¯m not. What¡¯s the matter, Mr. Carrero, are you lonely in your ivory tower without me? Maybe. His reply is instant. I stifle a giggle; he¡¯s impossible at times, like a child who needs my constant attention. Unable to satisfy his own boredom and I wonder where all his buddies and ythings are tonight? Surely, he can¡¯t only have me to hang out with. If you¡¯re that bored, how can I deny you my sparklingpany? I have to admit, I miss him already, I¡¯m so used to his constant presence that standing here alone feels alien. Are you home alone? His replies are swift, and I can¡¯t help but grin. Aren¡¯t I always?All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. He knows about Sarah¡¯s almost constant absence, yet he knows that Marcus hangs around, even when she isn¡¯t here. I¡¯ll be there in 20 minutes. I close my cell and look around with a critical eye. Should I clear up? It¡¯s only Jake. I giggle at my ownck of care in this matter. When did I start thinking that way, ¡°it¡¯s only Jake?¡± How many weeks ago would I have had a meltdown at the thought of Jake Carrero in my apartment? There¡¯s noise at the door and I¡¯m surprised he¡¯s here already, that¡¯s been less than five minutes. I¡¯m pretty sure he won¡¯t have been hanging about outside waiting, he¡¯s not that kind of creepy at all. It can¡¯t be him, he¡¯s not rude enough to just walk in, he has impable manners. I wander out of my room ande face to face with the sleazy Marcus, all floppy curly brown hair, and sulky brown eyes, in that unshaven face, carrying a brown grocery bag. Great. So now he has a key. ¡°Marcus,¡± I retort drily. He seems to be a little shocked at my arrival and throws me a nervous tight smile. Hisnky frame meandering into the kitchen to dump the bags. ¡°Emma, you¡¯re home for once ¡­ started to think you were nevering back.¡± He grins with his lop- sided, toothy mouth. Eyes appraising me openly and I shudder. ¡°I¡¯m guessing you¡¯re living here now. If my whereabouts has be your concern?¡± I reply tly, anger simmering low down inside of me. Sarah has no right. I despise this guy on normal terms but him living here is worse. She should have at least asked me if I minded. ¡°Sarah and I decided to give it another go, and as she works a lot, we figured this would give us our best chance at working it out¡± Great ¡­ thanks Sarah. I grind internally. ¡°She didn¡¯t think I should know?¡± I thinly veil the venom in my voice; I can¡¯t stand this wiry, curly headed, out of work actor. Free riding from my friend in our home. My voice is tight and haughty and holds nothing back about my dislike. ¡°Why?¡± he nches at me, and I push down the urge to throw something at his head. ¡°Because it¡¯s half my apartment, and I pay half the bills.¡± I retort angrily. Incensed at his nerve. ¡°We kinda figured you would be moving out, seeing as you¡¯re shacked up with your boss.¡± He smirks at me. His eyes do the usual route from my cleavage down to my ankles and slowly back up. He makes me sick. I¡¯m beyond livid, and Sarah knows that nothing is going on with Jake and me. I swallow the urge to p him across his messy head, tightening my fingers into fists by my side while swallowing hard. Smarmy prick. ¡°I¡¯m not shacked up with my boss! I work for him, that¡¯s all.¡± my teeth clenched, my voice full of hatred. ¡°Yeah sure.¡± He¡¯s eyeing me in that ¡°know it all¡±, sleazy manner of his, that makes my skin crawl, his face saying, ¡°I can imagine you screwing him in all those fancy hotels¡± ¡°Fuck you, Marcus! ¡­ You know nothing!¡± I turn on my heel and stamp back into my room, anger threatening to burst out, and I just cannot be bothered with him or a fight. Asshole. I can¡¯t stand that weaselly little prick. What the hell is Sarah thinking? He has the good grace to disappear into Sarah¡¯s room and I¡¯m left to change quickly, diffuse the rage. d I have a lock on my door as I just don¡¯t trust men like him. Men who undress me with their eyes, they always make my skin crawl. I opt for jeans and a T-shirt and leave my hair in a ponytail loose, pushing thoughts of Marcus away as a minor irritation, and focus on the task at hand. If I¡¯m going to be clearing out a mountain of clothes, then I would rather befy. It¡¯s not lost on me that a few months ago I didn¡¯t even own jeans, Jake mentioned that fact in sarcasm right at the beginning. What has Jake Carrero done to me? I haul a pile of clothes from the top of my dresser and dump it on my floor, followed by subsequent piles around my room and open my door so I can listen for Jake¡¯s arrival. Jesus, that¡¯s a lot of clothes! It¡¯s almost half as tall as I am. I really need to mp down on this excessive buying from Donna, it really is abusing thepany assets, spending so much on stuff I don¡¯t need. I haven¡¯t even worn half of the things she sends my way. I¡¯m like her own human sized dress up doll. I put the iPad in my docking station and turn on some music, it¡¯s the random mix of popr songs that I like, and the ones Jake has sent me over the months. Our weird form ofmunication. I smile at some of the titles, lifting my mood again as I scroll through, able to pinpoint the memory or the reason he sent each one. I don¡¯t hear Jake arrive, but Marcus lets him in and next thing he¡¯s standing in my bedroom doorway, looking muscr in a red T-shirt, and jeans over sneakers. His presence, as always, makes me instantly happier. ¡°Hey.¡± He smiles but throws a wary look and thrusts his thumb over his shoulder, indicating he¡¯s asking about Marcus. I shake my head and shrug; he knows I don¡¯t like him. He frowns in response as I turn my attention back to the piles on the floor of my neglected bedroom. ¡°You weren¡¯t wrong ¡­ I think Donna has dressed you for a year.¡± He exims,ing to sit on the floor beside me, sprawling out casually. It just looks odd on him, sitting among a sea of girl¡¯s clothes on the floor in a girly bedroom. ¡°Whose fault is that? Mr, Oh, buy her an outfit for this, that and the next thing, every time you see her.¡± I poke at him with a giggle. ¡°Maybe I should tell her to ask you from now on, when you need something?¡± he holds his hands up in mock apology. Chapter 52 Chapter 52 Too much money and not enough sense. ¡°That would be an idea.¡± I smirk, raising a brow. ¡°Get rid of what you don¡¯t want.¡± He pulls a dress from the pile and holds it up to admire it, thrusting it down to pick up lingerie instead, with a smile and a dirty wink. ¡°Most of it still has tags, Jake, she should return them.¡± I snatch the bustier from him and throw it toward my dresser where my lingerie lives. His raised eyebrow is not lost on me and yet, I ignore it, not really wanting Jake to ogle my lingerie. ¡°Just give them away, Emma, they¡¯re already paid for.¡± He shrugs. ¡°Jake, there¡¯s thousands of dors worth of stuff here.¡± I implore him in frustration, he has no concept of money sometimes. ¡°And?¡± he says as if to prove my point. I forget that he probably spends more than that on one piece of jewelry for a passing date. He¡¯s always been generous in that way. ¡°So, I should just donate it? What I don¡¯t need?¡± I ask sardonically. Really not amused with hisck of care. ¡°They¡¯re your clothes, Mio Amore.¡± He shifts on the floor, picking up another dress, this time having a closer look at it and looking at me. He¡¯s trying to remember if I¡¯ve ever worn it. I throw him a disdainful look and start throwing items to the door for donating; this feels so wasteful. I don¡¯t even want to tally up the costs of half of this and, apart from Sarah, I don¡¯t know anyone I can give them too. ¡°You¡¯ve never worn this?¡± he raises an eyebrow at me so that I look over at what he¡¯s holding. ¡°Nope.¡±Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°Why not? It¡¯s nice, kind of cute, yet sexy.¡± He¡¯s still admiring it and I frown to survey it properly. ¡°Where would I wear it?¡± it¡¯s not exactly formal, but it¡¯s not exactly casual. It¡¯s a sort of romantic floaty dress, in a short, flirty style, and a lovely deep red shade. ¡°Take it with us on our trip. Parade around on deck for me in it.¡± He puts the dress on the bed as though he¡¯s decided it¡¯sing on the trip, regardless of my view on the matter; sometimes Jake can be exasperating. I can¡¯t argue though, it¡¯s a lovely dress and perfect for a holiday. ¡°Just the two of us?¡± I ask warily, I¡¯ve been wondering about this since I agreed, churning it over nervously. ¡°Not if that makes you ufortable ¡­ I have friends we could invite; my father¡¯s boat has six double cabins if you want a crowd.¡± He¡¯s still looking through the clothes on the floor, with a little too much dedication. ¡°Who would you invite?¡± Maybe it¡¯s the thought of just the two of us alone for two weeks on a beach, that¡¯s bothering me. No work to converse over, nothing to distract me from my own mind. I think he¡¯s hit the nail on the head; no boundaries and rules to keep things in check. ¡°Daniel, a couple of the guys I sometimes take trips with, and whoever they want with them ¡­ I was thinking Le Huntsberger, that way you could meet Sophie¡¯s new sister.¡± He cocks his head at me, and I smile gratefully. I would really like that a lot. ¡°So, they¡¯re going to be couples?¡± I press warily, not sure how this will work. What if Jake wants to hook up while we¡¯re there? ¡°Really, Emma?¡± he sighs. ¡°What do you think I¡¯m going to do? Try and seduce my PA, because we¡¯re surrounded by couples and I¡¯m incapable of abstaining from sex? I may always be trying to chat you up, but I¡¯m not an idiot. I know where the boundaries are, Bambino.¡± He seems exasperated for a moment. I¡¯m not sure that would be a reason to refuse, if I am beingpletely honest. I¡¯m just anxious about all the possible oues, not having the control or nning. ¡°No, it¡¯s just ¡­ It will be awkward.¡± I don¡¯t look at him, just keep sorting random clothes from the pile. Jake has stopped and is leaning against my bed watching me. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°They might think we¡¯re ¡­¡± I hesitate and catch his eye. His rxed pose entuates that upper body mass and I nce away quickly. Always caught off guard by my own hormones. ¡°Who cares what they think? I don¡¯t give a shit what anyone thinks, Emma ¡­ I need a break and so do you. Stop overthinking and just agree; besides, they¡¯re my friends, they¡¯ll know right away that we¡¯re not screwing.¡± He slides his hands behind his head, frowning at me and shrugs, a little angrily. ¡°Okay, for god¡¯s sake.¡± I put my hands up in defeat, he¡¯s so grouchy tonight and I throw him an apologetic look. ¡°Don¡¯tugh, Jake, but I don¡¯t own anything I could wear on a beach, or a boat.¡± His face breaks into the biggest smile I¡¯ve ever seen. *** In great Jake fashion, the trip is organized in lightning speed. A matter of days at most, which pass in a flurry of a busy schedule, and before long, we¡¯re heading to the sunny deck of Jake¡¯s father¡¯s boat. The boat is huge, we¡¯re anchored a half a mile from the shore of the most luscious, secluded beach I¡¯ve ever seen. I¡¯mpletely overwhelmed at the beauty of this ce; the sun¡¯s beating down, a gentle breeze and sweet salty air. It¡¯s truly a paradise haven,plete with palms and white sandy shores. The crew is formal and walks around in white uniforms, the captain even wears a hat and everything we desire is brought to us by these magical servants who stay out of sight until needed. It¡¯s beyond my wildest dreams, and for a minute I wonder what it would be like to be married to someone like Jake, having this life all the time. He seems so much more chilled out and carefree, a smile never far from that handsome face and somehow different. Jake¡¯s friends seem okay. Daniel is keeping his distance and I wonder if Jake has warned him off. There are six of them with us. Daniel and two other men - Vincent and Richard, twins with white blonde hair, gray eyes, all American good looks, and square shoulders. Jake has an rming number of good- looking friends. They have brought hot, leggy women on board who arepletely topless, bar the one called Le, and wandering about on deck having some sort of bitchy ringpetition with one another. Marissa, Vincent¡¯s date, is small and tawny haired like me, although hers is browner with highlights; she¡¯s curvy, and has an almost exotic look to her, a bit like Jennifer Lopez, only sulkier and with a lot more curve. There¡¯s something I really dislike about her immediately; she¡¯s superior and icy toward me, from the second Jake arrived hand in hand with me at the airport. Le, Richard¡¯s date, is amazing; she¡¯s small and blonde and like a little hurricane in a teapot. I fell in love with her spirit and hyper energy as soon as she blew on deck, always smiling and the center of fun and hrity. She introduced herself with a hug and a giggle and then poked fun at Jake mercilessly, highlighting a real friendship there. The other girl, obviously Daniel¡¯sdy of the moment, is a mirror image to most of the women Daniel has dated in the past; her name is Miracle. I assume it¡¯s a porn name, as she¡¯s hanging over Daniel¡¯s arm, practically licking him. She¡¯s tall, slim, and seems to be all brown hair, boobs, and legs. It has not been lost on me that two of the women swoon and pout whenever Jake appears. Le seems oblivious to his charm, and spends her time crooning over Richard, adoringly. Jake¡¯s looking as handsome as always, he¡¯s wearing long shorts to just above his knees, he¡¯s topless, showcasing desirable physique, bad boy tattoos and tanned skin, his usual sleek shades and ruffled hair. I admit that not staring at him half-naked has been hard, awkward at first, considering he¡¯s my boss and I have never actually seen him minus T-shirts before, except on Inte pictures. He is a lot sexier in the flesh. He¡¯s been swimming with Daniel in the ocean, topping up that Italian tan and he is looking jaw- droppingly yummy. Despite that, we¡¯ve been here almost two days and I¡¯ve managed to rx a lot and start on my tan. I was met by Donna before our trip,den with bags of clothes suitable for a tropical getaway and threw Jake an usatory re. He¡¯s since promised to limit Donna¡¯s gold card to a budget, under my direction, and promised to stop reaching for her number anytime he has an obsession to dress me up like a Barbie doll. Wasn¡¯t hard to figure out that he was behind the non-stop purchasing. I¡¯m wearing a bikini that¡¯s a nice shade of coral and a matching sarong around my waist in a pale print. I¡¯m not really a bikini wearer, but I don¡¯t feel so self-conscious, now two women¡¯s breasts are jaunting around on deck before me. The men must be used to the spectacle as none of them seem to pay any attention to the naked boobs. This surprises me, in fact, Jake seems to avoid looking that way at all. Totally un-Carrero of him. Chapter 53 Chapter 53 I¡¯m leaning against the rail near the front of the boat, absent-mindedly watching the gentle waves, aware of his presence as soon as hees close. It¡¯s that warm tingling feeling whenever he¡¯s around, an aura of safety and familiarity, and even a couple of feet away, my skin prickles at his proximity. ¡°Here.¡± He hands me a bottle of cold, vored water, with a smile, his eyes shielded from view by his Ray Bans. ¡°Thanks.¡± I open it and take a long drink. I didn¡¯t realize how parched I was, maybe a little too heated with his topless body so close. ¡°You look nice.¡± He appraises me through tinted lenses, and I wait for the sexual banter or jokinge- ons, but it doesn¡¯t happen. I noticed since our arrival that flirty, always giving me the charm, Jake, has rxed back. He¡¯s being respectful. ¡°Thanks.¡± My cheeks warm. He¡¯s skimming my swimsuit, appraising me with his eyes and I turn away, so he doesn¡¯t see how awkward it¡¯s making me. Bikini wearing is a new sensation, I have to limatize to it. I also don¡¯t want to stare at his expanse of naked torso, it¡¯s an understatement to say he looks hotter than hot. Up close it¡¯s hard not to admire what being a fitness freak has done to that chiseled body. ¡°We¡¯re going to the shore tonight for dinner ¡­ You want toe?¡± He¡¯s looking across the calm water now. Stretching out, sparkling peacefully, and distracting him. ¡°Sure.¡± I smile back at him. I shield my eyes from the sun and he automatically swipes his sunsses from his face to mine, sending a little shimmer of warmth through me, like it always does. My attentive Jake. I can¡¯t help but beam at him. I feel like I¡¯m always doing that nowadays. ¡°I really should carry a pair of these.¡± Iugh, but he just shrugs it off. ¡°They look better on you than they do on me. Your cuteness just goes with my shades.¡± He winks cutely. That¡¯s doubtful, he has a knack for buying things that just increase the level of sexiness he exudes. ¡°Where are we going for dinner?¡± I try to direct conversation away from staring at his face, his shoulders, his rippling chest, his carved abdomen ¡­ Oh lord. ¡°Some little seafood ce Marissa knows.¡± ¡°I want to get my hair cut while we¡¯re here ¡­ Do you think there are any hairdressers on the maind?¡± I regret asking as he turns toward the topless women, sunning themselves on towels, two of them watching him studiously. ¡°Le will know ¡­ Shees here a lot.¡± He nods toward the only one wearing a bikini. I resist the urge to ask him if he¡¯s slept with any of the three women, but I know it¡¯s probably inevitable. I know how these rich men pass around their beauties between them, like some sort of guy¡¯s club; the women only too eager to please. I notice Marissa watching him coolly, a strange expression on her face. He catches her eye, his jaw flexes and turns away quickly; a sudden sharp pain in my chest pushes me to ask before thinking through my impulsive observation. ¡°You know Marissa well?¡± I blink toward him and he pauses for a second. So does my heart rate. ¡°Once.¡± There¡¯s a coolness to his voice and he stares off toward the distant horizon; it sends trepidation through me. This is a side to him that mystifies me; when he ms up and doesn¡¯t speak. It doesn¡¯t happen often, but it makes me anxious as he¡¯s usually always so forting. Jake never has weirdness over women he used to date either, normally they know they will always be temporary and most stay friendly after. I nce at her again, watching her biting on her lip and staring at his powerful body lustfully. I hate her already. ¡°Want toe for a swim with me?¡± his voice slices through my wandering thoughts, visions of him and her passionately entangled as I stab her in the head. Stop it, Emma! What the hell? ¡°Now?¡± I blink. Shaking the horrifying images out of my brain. ¡°Why not?¡± he smiles at me, watching me closely, I¡¯m pretty sure he¡¯s waiting on the magical moment I unwind and chill out he¡¯s expecting to see on this trip, and I¡¯m really trying to rx. Hard to do when two of your holiday mates are mentally undressing your date, openly; well, escort ¨C because we are not dating, not that we ever would, of course. I¡¯m regretting noting alone with him after all. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. Maybe it would have been easier without the yboy bunnies over there, trying to eye screw him. ¡°Sure.¡± It beats watching them writhing on deck suggestively as their men folk slug back Martinis, listening to bass pounding dance music, while snorting lines of cocaine. I¡¯m d that¡¯s not something Jake has done around me or has ever admitted to anyway. He¡¯s never mentioned Daniel¡¯s frequent use of drugs or that he¡¯s ever joined in when with him. I think I would cry if Jake was doing it now. We wander to the open area of railing and I strip off my sarong, admiring Jake expertly dive in and follow him. * * * The water feels luxurious and Jake is an amazingly powerful swimmer who looks as good in, as he does out of the water although he has pushed me under twice now. I swim toward the beach, but I¡¯m too slow as he catches my ankle for the third time, dunking me again. This game isn¡¯t so fun now; he¡¯s too fast and too strong. ¡°Stop ¡­ it.¡± I splutter to the surface, coughing and choking, wiping the water out of my eyes again until I¡¯m met with his childish grin. ¡°Only if you ask me nicely, tiny tots.¡± He smooths the water from his face, and I can¡¯t help but notice his hair gel must be water-resistant, apart from looking a little ruffled, it¡¯s still pretty much spiked to the center in his trademark ¡°do¡±. Carrero products really are worth the high price tag. He swims to me and gets dangerously close. Whoa there, boss. My bikini is virtually underwear here, and you¡¯re only half dressed. It seems a little more inappropriate somehow. To me, it really is like frolicking naked. ¡°Will you please stop trying to drown me, Mr. Carrero.¡± I beg, the cheeky glint in his eye only makes my heart sink knowing he¡¯s in full blown y mode. This will not bode well for me, it never does. ¡°Seeing as you ask so sweetly, Miss. Anderson.¡± He pushes me under again, this time though he catches me under the water by the hip and I¡¯m pulled back up against him, hard. Nose to nose and it doesn¡¯t seem so right anymore; now it¡¯s a little too much like being truly naked. It¡¯s closer than I think even he expects, and he releases me quickly. I¡¯m more than conscious that my exposed stomach just had an undeniable graze with his bulging groin and now I can¡¯t shake the feeling from my skin. Maybe this is a bad idea after all. There¡¯s a strange atmosphere between us and I don¡¯t like it. He swims away from me quickly, towards the shore and all I can do is follow him. The beach isn¡¯t that far, but it¡¯s exhausting, yet I manage the swim behind him in the crystal depths and the reward is worth it. It¡¯s gloriously scorching, with swaying palms and soft white sands. I can make out the distant hum of music from the boat behind us and watching Jakezily walk across the shoreline is breathtaking. I¡¯m lucky that my boss makes for a gorgeous view in all terrain which keeps things interesting. Can¡¯t ever deny a good bit of eye candy. I realize I¡¯ve left my sarong on the boat and now I¡¯m walking around in bikini bottoms, showing the full length of my naked legs. It¡¯s nerve racking, considering I¡¯m someone who rarely wears short skirts, or dresses and now here I am, skimpy beachwear in public, in front of Jake, with a body like his. This is enough to give anyone aplex. My hair is heavy in its ponytail, so I pull it free, ringing out the water and leave it to hang down my back in a bid to cover some skin. It¡¯s gotten way too longtely, and I should look at a new style, it¡¯s time for a change. Maybe a sleek bob? Maybe not! All that loose hair to twirl will send Jake crazy, he¡¯ll probably shave my head. He stops to look back at me and pauses, his gaze on me as I close the gap slowly. It¡¯s hard to ignore his eyes doing that same sweep over me he did on deck. Male eyeballing, taking in the amount of exposed skin and how my boobs look in a bikini. I squirm under that gaze yet feel nothing of my usual revulsion when men check me out. He takes my hand to drag me with him and thankfully turns away, facing toward our destination. Chapter 54 Chapter 54 It¡¯s not long before the sun dries me off, the glistening heat on my shoulders, warming me through, making me feelzy and forgetting all about his smoldering looks. We walk a fair bit and skim pebbles on the waves; easy, quietpanionship. I find so many beautiful shells to take home for Sarah and we pass the time with small talk, about Sophie, about work. I never realized how easily we blend when we¡¯re just chilling out. It¡¯s natural, unforced, and we talk about everything from current events, and movies, to what we think is happening on the boat in our absence. I like it; I think he¡¯s right. We needed this. We needed this time to chill and rx with each other again, remove all the pent-up frustration and agitation. Rebuild our easy friendship. I needed this to let go of all the Chicago crap. ¡°Here, Emma.¡± I turn back and he hands me his shades again, now the sun has moved higher in the sky. I was shielding my eyes without even realizing. I smile and put them on noting they have a crazy rubber band thing across the back that holds them to your head when swimming. I guess that¡¯s how he kept them on his head on the swim over here and I give him a grateful smile. ¡°Thanks.¡± I ept gratefully as he throws another pebble into the water, looking at me oddly. I can¡¯t help but notice the expression, but I can¡¯t decipher it. ¡°What is it?¡± I tilt my head to watch him. ¡°You seem a bit more rxed now we¡¯re over here.¡± That¡¯s an understatement; being away from over- sexed women with lusty gazes certainly takes the edge off the atmosphere. I am regretting noting on this trip as just the two of us. I think I would have preferred it. ¡°I feel more rxed,¡± I answer lightly, without exnation. ¡°You look it.¡± He skims another stone, like an expert. I watch him, catch his smile, and return it. ¡°I¡¯m d you made mee.¡± Hard to admit but he was right. ¡°I¡¯m d I didn¡¯t have to force you.¡± His smile turns mocking and that little eyebrow raises as dimples appear. ¡°Technically, you gave me no choice.¡± I frown back at him. ¡°You always have a choice with me, Emma, you know that.¡± His voice is gentle. Irony without meaning it. He has no clue how overbearing he can be sometimes. I justugh and shake my head in exasperation. Sure, I do, Carrero. ¡°We should be getting back; the others will think we don¡¯t like them.¡± He¡¯s watching me, and I can¡¯t help but notice the way the sun glistens on his skin, shadows falling under prominent muscles, making him look all the more chiseled. Yes, we should. ¡°Sure, I¡¯m kinda hungry too.¡± I pull off his eyewear to hand them over. Following him to the shore to wade out until the water lifts our feet from the bottom and break into a swim behind him. We swim back leisurely, and he stays close to me; I think he¡¯s worried I won¡¯t have the stamina to do it, but I prove him wrong. It¡¯s exhausting, but all those sessions in the gymtely, the early morning jogging, has been doing me wonders. I¡¯m d that I prepared my beach body ahead of time, without knowing I needed it. It makes lounging with Jake, in barely any clothes, less mortifying. * * * We spend lunch on deck with the rest of the party, eating chicken Caesar sd and drinking wine, rxing on the padded double loungers on the main deck. Jake¡¯s beside me, leaning toward Daniel¡¯s bed, his strong back covered in a pale gray T-shirt, in the mid-day sun. They¡¯re talking about the New York Giant¡¯s game they recently went to at the MetLife Stadium, while I¡¯m leaning toward the bed with Le and Richard, engrossed in girl talk and making ns. Le agrees to take me to the maind for some girly shopping, and to source a salon to cut my hair. I catch Jake staring back at me as she picks up strands of my hair, talking about cutting it short; he frowns when she mentions a real short pixie style, but I shrug it off. I wonder what he¡¯s thinking. He seems only half tuned to what Daniel is saying, and more interested in how much of my tawny locks are to be shorn off. ¡°I think you would suit maybe shoulder length.¡± Le¡¯s sweet little voice breaks into my thoughts. The girl is the dictionary definition of a perky blonde. All smiles and cuteness, ample boobs, and gentle curves. ¡°Maybe.¡± I pick up a strand too, twirling it as I look at it considering it. I catch Jake watching me again and this time lock eyes. I want to know what he thinks but I don¡¯t want to openly ask his opinion. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with how it is?¡± he breaks in with a frown, creasing that pretty face and pushing in anyway. ¡°Jake ¡­ Men have no clue. Woman like a drastic change every so often.¡± Le quips at him, with a beaming smile. ¡°If it¡¯s not broke, then don¡¯t fix it.¡± Jake raises eyebrows in reply and his eyes skim my hair, an air of hostility brewing. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s not broken but can definitely be revamped. Women do like to shake it up every so often. Try on a new look.¡± This has aedy battle of two obviously good friends written all over it as she sasses him back. ¡°It¡¯s my hair!¡± I point out, putting my hands up between the two of them. Jake reaches out, takes a strand, and tucks it behind my ear, his eyes skimming it again as though he¡¯s thinking about something and he doesn¡¯t seem happy. ¡°I like it how it is. If you want to change it, then fine, it can always grow back.¡± It¡¯s that childish sulk tone. Le smirks, and I justugh at him. He sounds like a boyfriend and definitely not a boss. ¡°Worried your girlfriend won¡¯t get you all hot and bothered with short hair, Jacob?¡± Le leans over me to prod her finger in Jake¡¯s cheek. I open my mouth to right her on the fact we¡¯re most definitely not in a rtionship, but Jake leans over me, shoving Le back. ¡°Shut up, wench. Emma has more sense than to let me be her boyfriend.¡± He sounds a little more serious than I think he means too, and I mp shut. ¡°Oh right, I forgot. You¡¯re just friends.¡± The honey like way she says it, makes both Jake and I throw her agreeable fake smiles. ¡°I can see that,¡± she adds sarcastically. ¡°Really, we are.¡± My feeble attempt is almost ignored by her. She smiles and sighs loudly, throwing herself back on her lounger. ¡°Well then, you won¡¯t care if I take her to get it all shaved off then, will you?¡± Jake just casts her a look that¡¯s somewhere between a challenge and a re, before turning to me, friendlier. ¡°Emma can do whatever she wants with her hair. She¡¯ll always look beautiful.¡± He gets up and walks off, following Daniel, who has left his seat to go to the table,den with lunch, and turns his back on us. Sulk vibes growing. ¡°Someone is not a happy little yboy today!¡± Le grins and throws me a charming, feigned innocent, smile. I am focused on that little lurch in my stomach at his calling me ¡°beautiful¡± and push it down quickly. I don¡¯t bother replying to Le. I don¡¯t even know how to if I am being honest. He certainly didn¡¯t behave like my boss just then. Chapter 55 Chapter 55 After lunch, Jake takes us ashore on the speedboat which is moored to the back of the yacht. He doesn¡¯t say anything again about my hair, whether I should cut it or not, and I don¡¯t bring it up. He has a car and driver waiting onnd to take us anywhere we desire, and leaves us with a goodbye at the port, and orders to call him when we¡¯re returning. He hands me a credit card which I try to push back at him but meet his death re. I know better than to argue with that look. I slide it in my bag, knowing better than to push when he made it clear before we came here that this was all on him. That if I even mentioned paying for a single thing, he would tie me up and dump me in the ocean. Jake¡¯s funny about very few things, but women paying is a strong dislike. He likes to be the traditional, chivalrous gentleman. Some may think it chauvinist, and maybe it is, but it¡¯s a Jake characteristic. Brought up in an old-fashioned Italian family paying for everything when a girl is with him is natural to him. There¡¯s no arguing with it. I¡¯m excited and apprehensive about a shopping spree, spending time alone with this girl I just met. I don¡¯t really hang out with women, apart from Sarah, and even then, it¡¯s been so long since we did. I don¡¯t do social outings and girly shopping days. I never did. Sarah was always more of a tomboy type, with movies and baseball games. Le soon puts me at ease with her never-ending chatter. She catches my heart with talk of Sophie almost immediately even though she only met her briefly, but I can tell that Le will be a good, protective, older sister. Her mother sounds amazing. A woman who adopted five children from varying backgrounds, loves and raises them all like her own, and is the most maternal woman you will ever meet, ording to Le. It is obvious she adores her. She drags me into a couple of boutiques, swanning over rails of high price tag dresses. I don¡¯t need any more clothes; Donna has made sure of that and I already know most of the items she bought me carry tags higher in price than anything here. Jake is rather indulgent on that front. I wonder what he¡¯ll be like as a husband, should he ever find the inclination to marry. I can see him as a spoiler of his wife, money no object and the inability to say, ¡°No¡± to what she wants. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I don¡¯t like the idea of Jake marrying some woman and doting on her with gifts and clothes. ¡°Here we are.¡± Le announces proudly as we stand in front of a ssy looking building with tinted windows and potted bushes at either side of the door. It¡¯s a bit Mediterranean-twee yet somehow not. ¡°Where?¡± I ask, confused, looking around. ¡°Best salon in the Caribbean ¡­e and meet Andre.¡± She beams, a huge bright sh of white, neat teeth and charm, and drags me inside the cool, air-conditioned building. Our sandals echo on the tiled floor and there¡¯s a strong chemical smell in the air. We¡¯re greeted by a round man in a Hawaiian shirt and a bald, shaved head as he waves his arms around energetically at the sight of her, before they embrace excitedly amid air kisses. It¡¯s obvious they have met before. Many times. The cooing and crooning which follow make it abundantly clear that Andre is very gay, and his personality is just infectious. * * * An hour or soter I¡¯m staring at my reflection in the mirror, unsure how to feel as Le and Andre gush over my new hair. It¡¯s cut to shoulder length, but the natural wave of my hair has pulled it up by a couple of inches, the weight which had kept it straighter now gone. It¡¯s lying in natural beachy waves, framing my face and he has lightened my tawny color with some sheer highlights, so I am transformed. Younger, softer, blonder. I shake my head, enjoying it moving around my face freely as it¡¯s different. So un-me. This is a huge step; cutting away my security, so that it hangs loose around me at all times, too short to really tie up in the way I always did. I wonder how often I¡¯ll have Jake pull my hands out of my hair now, when I fidget. This was such a dumb idea. I am all big eyes and pouty lips now, more like a vulnerable child. ¡°I love it ¡­ You look super sexy yet, adorable still!¡± Le grins at me via my reflection, and Andre nods in agreement. I grimace but show nothing on my face. Instead I ster on a bright, fake smile as though I agree while my stomach churns unsurely. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°I guess, I¡¯ll get used to it.¡± I try for a bright tone with a smile. Completely torn about what I really think as I stare back at the stranger in the mirror. She¡¯s pretty. ¡°Jake will go pie-eyed for it, trust me. You look so hot!¡± Le giggles connecting with my eye in the mirror, catches my blush and I try to push it away. ¡°Yesss, beautiful girl, now has beautiful hair. You look so very sassy.¡± Andre cuts in with his two pennies worth and over-dramatic hand waving as he returns to fluffing myyers. ¡°Sassy and sexy!¡± Le giggles. ¡°Seductive, sassy, and sexy!¡± Andre quips in, not to be outdone. ¡°Okay, we should go.¡± I bust the little ¡°S¡± wordpetition they¡¯ve started and slide out of the chair. I stand and let him remove the cape, now seeing it with my floaty beach dress and tanned skin, it doesn¡¯t look so bad. I can see why she thinks it¡¯s cute, I mean sassy. I guess it is a little bit. A lot more than my long locks were. I can see why they would say it¡¯s sassy as whenever I move my head it sways around in a very slinky way. It certainly suits my face, I¡¯m just not sure. I¡¯ve not cut my hair in over ten years, letting it grow out so I could always tie it up, this feels terrifying and new. The girl staring back at me is nothing like the manicured PA that graces Carrero Tower. This girl with short, wild hair and floaty dresses looks romantic and soft, and a little bit flirty. She looks like a girl I never have the courage to let anyone see. I don¡¯t know if I like it at all and my stomach is in knots with what Jake will say. Nerves peeking. As we walk out into the sunshine, Le fusses with my hair, fluffing it out with her fingers as I pull my head away. ¡°I really do love it; your hair is so nice. I love your natural curl, it¡¯s to die for.¡± She gushes with a grin. ¡°I just feel weird,¡± I utter tensely and look away stupidly; I feel like a child admitting it. ¡°Why?¡± sheughs. Le is too easy to be around, she¡¯s like Jake in that she can make me lower my defenses and rx. Maybe it¡¯s not her, maybe this is his effect on me, carrying through, even when he¡¯s not around. ¡°I¡¯ve worn it tied up for years, to keep it neat and feel more professional ¡­ Like this, I look more rxed and less precise.¡± Iugh nervously. Yes, it sounds more dumb verbalizing it. ¡°And that¡¯s a bad thing, because?¡± she giggles at me. ¡°I¡¯m not used to being so casual andid back.¡± I shrug, my cheeks warming with mild embarrassment. ¡°Jake kinda has that effect on everyone.¡± She winks. Genuine affection in her eyes and it makes me smile, then frown, wondering in what way she really thinks of him. ¡°He¡¯s the master of making people lower their guard.¡± I appraise the look in her eye and the hidden meaning within it. A moment of uncertainty fleeting through me. Little green-eyed monster poking out again. ¡°You?¡± I ask cautiously, an inner pang of worry that maybe Jake and she dated in the past. I really hope not. ¡°I didn¡¯t have a good start ¡­ I was adopted when I was seven, my mother was a drunk and she didn¡¯t look after me too well.¡± Le says bluntly. I see no shame or embarrassment in her eye, and it surprises me. She¡¯spletely open about her past, you would never know from how she is now that she even had a bad start in life. ¡°You, were guarded?¡± Iugh, unable to believe it. ¡°Jake¡¯s a really good friend, he¡¯s like a big brother, in so many ways to me ¡­ He¡¯s known me since I was just an angry and troubled little girl and he made meugh, pulled me out of myself.¡± She links her arm through mine casually, her eyes wide and bright. I get the distinct impression Jake has never been romantic with her. I don¡¯t know how I know, but it¡¯s obvious on some level. I exhale softly with relief. ¡°So, you two ¡­ You never ¡­?¡± I stumble over my words. I just need to be sure and make myself cringe at the same time Chapter 56 Chapter 56 ¡°Eww, hell no. That¡¯s gross. Jake is like a brother to me, there¡¯s literally nothing there at all. No spark¡ª there never was. I mean; I appreciate he¡¯s good to look at, but I just don¡¯t get any butterflies from it, from him. He¡¯s just Jake, and he knows how to annoy me on so many levels, just like my brothers.¡± She squeezes my arm, as though trying to reassure me and there¡¯s only honesty in that sweet face. ¡°You¡¯ve nothing to worry about from over here! I¡¯m all like eww, no. Jake is not someone I would ever go there with ¡­ And I¡¯m like, totally hot for Richard right now.¡± She grins, and I bat her away yfully. ¡°You know that¡¯s not how it is with him. He told you that already.¡± I try and defend our rtionship, a slow rise of heat hitting my cheekbones. ¡°I know, so did you ¡­ Three times already. Thou doth protest too much.¡± She bursts into a childish, but adorable giggle and I try for a subject change instead. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine you being anything other than you are now.¡± I¡¯m trying to steer back to our pre-Jake conversation. ¡°Jake introduced me to all his friends, he would let me hang out with them ande away on trips. He really took me under his wing ¡­ I see him doing it with you, and I guess, Sophie, because my mom says she raves about both of you.¡± Le¡¯s smile is infectious, but this makes me stop and take note. Is that what Jake does with me? Protects me like a little sister? No! He kissed me ¡­ He touches me in ways that would be wrong if I was his sister ¡­ ¡°Jake and I are just friends, and co-workers ¡­ He doesn¡¯t need to take me under his wing.¡± I respond over brightly, but she gives me a knowing look. ¡°Whether he does or doesn¡¯t, I know him. He¡¯s very protective of you. It¡¯s really kind of sweet.¡± ¡°We have a weird rtionship ¡­ forced together, I guess, and it¡¯s made us really close.¡± I know I¡¯m trying to sound nonchnt, but truth is, I¡¯m fluttering from her observations. ¡°It¡¯s more than that. You forget, I¡¯ve known him since I was seven. His flirty little remarks, his almost aggressive protectiveness of you, and the way he just had to butt in over your hair. Jake doesn¡¯t do stuff like that with girls he isn¡¯t invested in.¡± Le stops me with a hand on my arm, turning me to face her. Even though I¡¯m small, I stand taller than her curvy little frame. ¡°You¡¯re reading too much into things. I¡¯ve been his PA for a year now, we really arepletely tonic in every way.¡± I can¡¯t help the creep of blush at the little white lie; tonic didn¡¯t involve sleep kissing in the slightest. ¡°He flirts with every girl he meets; he can¡¯t help himself. It doesn¡¯t mean anything.¡± ¡°No, he doesn¡¯t. He doesn¡¯t have to make any verbal effort at all. Girls tend to throw themselves at him, literally. Jake is all about the hot looks and quick smiles, he never has to try; it¡¯s boring to witness. He rarely breaks out the cheesye ons, or fast lines, for any girl. Until you ¡­ with you he uses so many cringe worthy lines, he¡¯s so obvious. Emma, I think the boy has it bad. You gotta trust me on this.¡± Le can¡¯t stop beaming at me, but I shake my head. ¡°I know Jake better than you think; he¡¯s funny and he¡¯s over-sexed. The flirty lines are just his humor at y because he seriously does not look at me that way. It¡¯s our banter, our friendly to and fro.¡± I sound a little sterner than I intend. Who am I trying to convince¡ªher or myself? She needs to stop with this crazy notion already. ¡°When you guys finally get over this weird denial, you¡¯re both going through, I want to be maid of honor.¡± She winks at me and wraps an arm around my waist, ushering me onward again. ¡°Le, it¡¯s never going to happen.¡± Even though the words sound true, a little hard jab in my heart betrays me. ¡°Jake will figure it out, or you will. Then we¡¯ll see.¡± She smirks cheekily. My cell vibrates and it¡¯s a wee distraction. I don¡¯t like how this conversation is going anymore and would love an end to it. The text is from Jake, informing us that they¡¯re heading to the maind so to meet them at the bistro for dinner. Le knows where we¡¯re going, so we go off in pursuit of our driver and car. * * * Le chatters non-stop while touching up her make-up in the car. The journey is short, and before we know it, we¡¯re stepping out onto a scene from the movie Cocktail. The restaurant is nice and private, it has a beach theme with little palm roofs over each table which spill out onto the sand, near the shore, strung with fairy lights which are twinkling now that the light is fading. As we approach from the entrance, we spot our party immediately and make our way across the crowded sands of the outer part of the bistro. Jake has picked us an almost shore-side table. He stands up as we approach, unaware that we¡¯ve arrived. He¡¯s gorgeous in a white shirt and blue designer jeans over sneakers, while talking to Daniel in a rather animated way as Daniel hops about beside his chair, demonstrating something ridiculous. They¡¯re both laughing heartily, Richard shaking his head at whatever they¡¯re reminiscing about and his twin crimson with sheer embarrassment. It doesn¡¯t take a genius to figure out that he¡¯s the source of the joke. Jake nces our way absent-mindedly, then does a double take, his eyesing to lock with mine in recognition. His mouth almost drops open as he runs his eyes over my hair then back to my face. A spark of static shes across my stomach and almost makes me gasp. Holy hell. He¡¯s never looked at me in that way before and it sends a shiver through my abdomen, heating my pelvic floor instantly. Jesus, Emma. He smiles and walks toward me, his hand impulsively straight to my hair and pushes a strand back off my face gently. Runs his fingers through it lightly, the motion tingling my scalp seductively; his face is close enough to feel his breath on my low neckline of my dress, and I almost stop breathing with this intimacy. He knows how tomand attention anyway; I can see why he doesn¡¯t need to make much verbal effort. ¡°I like this. A lot,¡± he utters softly, his piercing eyes suddenly heavy, his pupils dted. I guess they¡¯ve already been drinking beforeing to the maind, he looks intoxicated. The overall effect is devastating on my hormones. My body is on high alert to him, like it has been since Chicago and I inhale slowly, trying to not to openly react to his proximity. Every part of me trembling at his contact. ¡°Thank you.¡± I blush and pull the hair from his hand, tucking it back with the rest of my short waves, shyly. He leans down, nting a gentle unexpected kiss on my cheek causing a sensation of warmth and stomach fluttering with the brief graze. I quell the urge to moan at the contact. What the hell is going on? Le nted seeds in my head, and now I¡¯m all out going cuckoo. Grasping my hand, he motions, ¡°Come on,¡± and leads me back to the table; Le throws me a wink and grin. She looks mighty pleased with herself and all I can do is follow weakly, momentarily knocked limp with his reaction to my hair. I¡¯m over analyzing everything, from the reaction, the cheek kiss, hand holding, and the way I¡¯m almost falling over myself, to the look in his eyes as he turns to me to guide me to a chair. Le has messed with my head big time and I¡¯m uber aware of him, sexually stirred and I try to shake it off as I sit down. * * * We sit outside under palm frond umbres and the food is amazing; we¡¯re drinking cocktails and it¡¯s helping me unwind and rx. Fruity, decorated drinks that taste like tropical juice and soda. All three of his male friends have whistled andplimented my hair and I keep catching him looking at me as though he¡¯s seeing me for the first time. I try to ignore the frequency in which I catch his eyes on me. A small ripple running through me, with both warning, and thrill. Why does Jake have to be so good-looking, with eyes that can strip you bare? It¡¯s unnerving. I¡¯m starting to warm a little to Daniel Hunter now he¡¯s stopped leering at me, that is. Well, in such a sleazy way, now it¡¯s more of a male flirty nce every now and then. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°What motivated this?¡± Daniel reaches out, scooping a strand of my hair and Jake bats his hand away aggressively. ¡°No touching.¡± The scowl is somewhere between funny, and serious; Daniel just raises an eyebrow and grins. ¡°Sorreeeee, big man. You have to admit though, your girl does look extra hot with this new do.¡± He winks at me. ¡°Ummm, thanks.¡± I cut in ndly, watching the way Jake res at Daniel, then punches him lightly in the shoulder. ¡°She¡¯s not going to sleep with you, so you can cut out thepliments, and the flirty crap.¡± Huffy tone, alpha male stance going on and sulky boy brewing. Chapter 57 Chapter 57 ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know. I reckon I could charm Miss. Ander ¡­ OWWW.¡± Daniel squawks like an injured animal as Jake¡¯s shoulder punch is applied with a lot more force. ¡°Calm your pants, Jake. God! You¡¯ll be pissing on me next.¡± He huffs and swipes his beer from the table casting his friend an angry frown. ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me.¡± Jake¡¯s joke seems drier than humor and he swipes his own beer. Both men throwing a snarky look at one another, before taking what looks like a precision nned swigs of their drinks. ¡°Jeez, testosterone flying, much?¡± Le interjects, pulling some of the tension away with a heavy sigh. ¡°Men!¡± I offer as in way of answer, and we both raise eyebrows at one another in agreement, ¡°Needless to say, I was right!¡± Le grins triumphantly. ¡°About what?¡± Marissa cuts in with a pinched tone that makes us both flick towards her with cool indulgence. She¡¯s sprawled at the table with full cleavage on show, right in Jake¡¯s eyeline. Miracle is picking her nails at the right of her, in a simr posepletely bored. Ughhh. ¡°That Jake would be enamored with her short new do ¡­ That she would look sexy as hell!¡± Le¡¯s triumphant tone earns her a roll of the eyes from Marissa and a bitch snarl. ¡°Jake¡¯s a man. He appreciates it when women try really hard to get a reaction from him,¡± she drolls icily with a flick of her hair. Jake and her exchange instant harsh res while I simmer, holding my tongue. ¡°You would know.¡± Le¡¯s scathingmentes with a new tone for her. Disdain. Major attitude. I nce over at her and catch sight of the twins moving uneasily in their chairs as they lift their drinks to focus on that instead. Miracle lifts her head in interest, eyes gleaming with the possibility of drama. ¡°Emma doesn¡¯t need to vie for my attention, she already has it, and her hair is a knockout. Much like her.¡± Jake cuts in smoothly, his cold gaze fixed on Marissa, and everyone hushes up, eyes averting and a lot of fidgeting. Le smirks. ¡°Man did it just get cold in here?¡± Daniel jumps up from his perch on the edge of the table and ps Jake on the back. ¡°We need a new topic and way more booze, man.¡± ¡°Couldn¡¯t agree more.¡± Jake rxes back, leaning to peck me on the cheek softly before he turns to gesture a waiter. I get that inward surge of smugness to match Le¡¯s. He cut Marissa down easily and made a show with a kiss. My champion. * * * Having Jake keeping the conversation light and funny helps a lot being he¡¯s a great socializer. He knows how to keep the chatter flowing, he¡¯s attentive and quick witted and draws everyone in, even the dreaded Marissa. All previous tension forgotten as we all return to happy. He revels inpany and I can imagine what he was like in his teens, hanging out with friends. I wish I¡¯d met him then and seen what adolescent Jake was like. I imagine he wouldn¡¯t be very different, only younger, maybe with a less powerful physique, less stubble. I doubt he would have liked teenage Emma, though. Not his type at all. The cocktailse regrly and soon I¡¯m warm and floaty, I¡¯ve even managed to carry out a coherent conversation with Le and Richard, despite the swaying; we¡¯ve talked books and movies and the more time I spend with this girl, the more I like her. Jake watches us and smiles, a hint of affection in his eyes. He likes that I like Le, I guess. For him, I realize, it¡¯s a first as he¡¯s never seen me warm to women, in general, especially not around him. He must think I don¡¯t like my own gender. Marissa watches me coolly from the other side of the table, nked by Miracle, who looks bored, both only talking when the men direct conversation their way. I get the impression they don¡¯t like Le, me, or each other. Suits me fine. I don¡¯t like her in the slightest, or the hawk eye way she watches Jake¡¯s every move. Jake hauls me up to dance when the bandes out and it¡¯s then I¡¯m fully aware of how drunk I am. I¡¯m giggling as I try to dance with him and there¡¯s a lot of him holding me up, keeping me from falling into other people. He¡¯sughing and picks me up several times to ce me back on my wedge sandals, persevering with my atrocious dance partnering. Flirty Jake is back now he¡¯s rxed with way too much alcohol. ¡°Your moves are terrible when you¡¯re stered, shorty.¡± He spins me around, catching me from the back and pulls me in against him. Our hips swaying in time and his firm arms around me snugly. It¡¯s sexy yet still safe. Cuddling, yet in tune to music. ¡°Shhhh. I¡¯m doing just fine.¡± I slur yfully. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°Sure, you are. The second I let go, you¡¯ll face palm the deck. I¡¯m all that¡¯s keeping you upright,¡± he laughs softly. ¡°I¡¯m sure I wouldn¡¯t ¡­ You¡¯re exaggerating my drunkenness.¡± I purr demurely, turning in his arms and giving him a gentle chest shove in jest. ¡°Let me go and see.¡± Jake lifts his hands with a shrug, and a mocking smile, and steps back. That look of ¡°know it all¡± all over his face so I attempt a dance sway and stumble dramatically. Crap. His quick reflexes mean he catches me before I kiss ground and he chuckles at me instead. Hauling me back to that chiseled chest and hard abdomen to ¡°cuddle¡±. ¡°You were saying?¡± he raises a brow. ¡°Shut up.¡± I warn, leaning back to throw a threatening finger his way. Pointing ridiculously at his nose. ¡°Not another word, Carrero.¡± I slur. He motions the locking of a key over his lips, and pretends to throw it away, before casting me a wink and then he pulls me back in for another slow groove. Another bout of my terrible bncing act against his body. After another song, he gives up on us dancing and leads me back with a grin while I throw that warning look and almost challenge him to mention my drunkenness again. He justughs, tugging me by the hand and pulls me in, so he cansso me instead. Back at the table, Jake practically carrying me with the arm around my waist; the men are in the middle of some heated story. Daniel is sitting up on the back of the chair with his feet up on the seat. They¡¯re laughing and joking about something mid-conversation when we approach, and don¡¯t stop to acknowledge us at all. Jake slides his hand from around my middle and throws it casually around my shoulders instead, as we stand to listen. Resting on me like it¡¯s the most normal thing in the world as though we snuggle a lot. He hands me my drink from the table, before taking his beer and turning his full attention to the men. All on their feet now and crowded by one side of the table; Le is resting in the crook of Richard¡¯s arm, gazing up at him adoringly. I can¡¯t help but stare at Jake¡¯s profile as he listens intently, of all the men here, he¡¯s by far the best looking and most sexually appealing of the group. In fact, the whole restaurant. I need to stop thinking this way. Bad alcohol, bad! ¡°Yeah, so Jake¡¯s like, I¡¯m sure we can make it ¡­ and he goes speeding off on his fucking jet ski, right in ¡­ Doesn¡¯t give a fuck.¡± They all burst outughing and look toward him as Daniel pats his back. I can¡¯t focus on anything except the way Marissa is watching him. She¡¯s zoned in on his every feature, biting her lip sensually, and trying to seduce him with her eyes. My internal mood churning into irritation as my chest tightens. What the hell? Whore. So shameless! It¡¯s obvious she¡¯s a lot more drunk now than she was prior to our going to the dance floor. He seems to be avoiding her gaze, but every so often I catch them connect and he flicks away. I feel him physically tense every time through our joint postures, and it rms me on so many levels. I want to know what¡¯s going on, if these looks mean anything, if it¡¯s just irritation on his part or if he has reason to be mad at her. Earlier, I got the distinct impression that he didn¡¯t much like her. But now? Vincent, her man of the moment, seems oblivious. I resign myself to the fact I¡¯m imagining it, that he¡¯s merely willing her to stop eye raping him. I¡¯m being paranoid and stupidly jealous, even though I have no right, but it still causes me to watch them a little too closely. Nerves piqued. ¡°What choice did I have?¡± Jake cuts in. Oblivious. ¡°Daniel would have had us sleep out there at that rate, not that he would have minded. Daniel¡¯s always trying to get in the sack with me, the boy¡¯s still trying to deny his feelings.¡± He jests and swigs at his beer, throwing Daniel a wink. Chapter 58 Chapter 58 ¡°It¡¯s kind of heartbreaking to watch him suffer ¡­ Unrequited love.¡± Richard breaks in, stifling a grimace as Daniel ps his back with a noisy ¡®thwap¡¯. ¡°Fuck you. Both of you.¡± An annoyed tone and no smile. ¡°You know when you know ¡­ Right?¡± Vincent throws a wink at Daniel too and three of the four men burst outughing, Daniel rolls his eyes and gives them the finger. ¡°Tried so damn hard to let him down gently, he¡¯s just too sensitive.¡± Jake ruffles Daniels hair yfully, chuckling at him. ¡°I¡¯ve caught him sobbing into his Hagen Das a few times when you stood him up, Jakey.¡± Richard shoves Daniel in the ribs yfully and they allugh at their friend. ¡°He stole my Endless Love CD when you missed his birthday bashst year. Perfect crying anthems on there.¡± Le quips in, throwing a huge grin at Jake, yet avoiding Hunterpletely. ¡°I swear to god, you guys better stop with this shit. Even if I was that way inclined, I wouldn¡¯t jump Carrero¡¯s bones. I know where he¡¯s been, I have standards.¡± All of the men turn to Jake with eyebrow wiggles, and he only sneers at them. ¡°Umm, I think I¡¯ve way higher standards than any of you three.¡± He defends himself with a frown and a haughty tone. ¡°Questionable.¡± Le throws him a disbelieving look. ¡°But you¡¯ve improved a lot.¡± She then smiles at me, concealing nothing. A big hearty, yful type of smile. ¡°Leave her out of this.¡± Jake warns, squeezing me a little too tightly. I haven¡¯t been able to help laughing along with all of them, but things just shifted tone and Jake feels suddenly tense. Mr. Protector. unleashed.Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. ¡°You know when you know, right?¡± Vincent smirks Jake¡¯s way and I try and ignore the way all three men seem to look at Jake for a split, perfectly timed moment, all three with raised eyebrows and smirking expressions. Eerily unified. ¡°Daniel certainly seems to think so.¡± Jake makes kissing noises, releases me to haul his friend into a head lock and ster his cheek with wet, noisy assaults. ¡°Fuck off, you creep.¡± Daniel fights as everyone snorts inughter. Everyone except Marissa. Her straight faced, bitchy self has been observing with nothing but boredom this whole time, but she seems to change tactic as soon as the men settle down and Jakees back and puts his arm back around me. Back to his previous position. Marissa pouts at Jake sexily, and I bristle. Back off, Se?orita, get a grip and take a hint! ¡°Admit it, you¡¯ve been nning the Hunter-Carrero wedding since you were just a little girl. It¡¯s kind of sweet really.¡± Jake prods Daniel with his beer bottle and receives two fingers on one hand and one on the other as a response. ¡°You¡¯re riding dangerously close to a Hunter free existence. Then we¡¯ll see which dude is crying into his Hagen Das. We all know that Mr. Smooth Carrero. has the biggest man crush on me.¡± Daniel picks up a beer, mock throws his hair back like a woman and flutters his eyshes. ¡°In your dreams, pretty boy. I¡¯m hoping for a threesome with the twins.¡± Jake winks at Vincent and Richard who throw on matching ¡°Eww¡± faces. Everyoneughs, even Marissa this time and then she goes and ruins the atmosphere by biting on her lip suggestively and making direct eye contact with Jake. She¡¯s practically screaming, ¡°Take me.¡± I hate her! I turn my head into his chest softly, unsure why I feel like I should be sending her messages. Jake just seems to adjust his hold, so I can move in andy my head against his neckfortably. His arm moving further around to amodate me, he switches his beer bottle to his left hand, so it hangs in front of me. His other takes my empty cocktail ss from me and puts it down. He doesn¡¯t falter, just continues talking to his men folk as though my snuggling closer is the most natural thing in the world for us. I listen to the steady, strong thud of his heart under his shirt, enjoying the solid muscle under my cheek. None of the group seems to even acknowledge the way we are cuddled up together or the way he slides towards me to allow me to get even closer to his torso. Now they¡¯re talking about some tripst summer I¡¯ve not got any interest in as soon as I realize that Marissa had been there too and not with a beau in tow to upy her. Again, a look on her face aimed at Jake, and I assume its meaning is to rekindle a sexual memory. Had she been his hook up on that trip? God please, tell me no. I shake the thought away, nausea rising with a sharp pain in my heart. Gulping down my instant fury. The waitresses with a tray,ying down another round of drinks on the canopied table. Jake hands me a fresh cocktail with his free hand, his mouth lingering close to my temple longer than necessary as though he¡¯s watching me, or simply feeling my hair against his face. Maybe I¡¯m imagining it, but I like it. The gentle intimacy. The cocktail tastes amazing; I¡¯ve no idea what he ordered for me this time, but it has a tropical coconut vor and I could drink it like juice. He has a knack for buying me drinks that I really like, always varying them so I don¡¯t get sick of them. He knows me a little too well. He lets go of me as he bends down to look at a picture on Hunter¡¯s cell, that he¡¯s holding out, some past memory they¡¯re all discussing, and I feel strangely lost. His sudden departure from my body and the realization that I was only happily listening into this group the way I was because of him. He always grounds me, makes mefortable, wherever we are, and I forget that I am out of ce. I tense as I clock Marissa gaze up at him with doe-eyed innocence and a suggestive part of the lips. She¡¯s seriously ruining my calm. He pauses and locks her eye, before he turns his head to me with a quick smile and straightens back up, returning his arm around my shoulders. This time, though, he pulls me in tightly and kisses me on the side of my face quickly and firmly. I experience an instant rush of warmth and satisfaction at his touch and equally at Marissa¡¯s frosty scowl. I guess he¡¯s sending her a message, telling her to back off and I¡¯m reaping the rewards. I can¡¯t say I mind. d to be back in his arms, back to safe and warm. ¡°You¡¯re very quiet ¡­ Want to go back to the boat?¡± he asks softly, for my ears only. His eyes on mine, the restaurant around us fading away. ¡°Yes, please, I¡¯m so tired, it¡¯s been a long day.¡± I smile faintly, but I know it should be, ¡°I¡¯m actually really drunk, and I¡¯m probably going to fall over or pass out.¡± Truth is, I just want to get far away from Marissa and her silent messages across the table. She¡¯s like a thorn I can¡¯t pull out and I am so over her. ¡°Oooh, party on the boat.¡± Le chants and jumps up, impressively bouncing her boobs while all male eyes immediately follow, and it causes me to dig Jake in the ribs. A mock ¡°hey!¡± to get him to behave. He gives me an apologetic shrug and grin. Casanova Carrero, what will I do with you? Men and the inability to watch a decent cleavage, pass them by, even if it¡¯s someone they are not screwing. *** As much as I wanted to go to bed, ory down, the full sway of my drunkenness hits me, fueling my desire to join the party. The lights on the deck glow beautifully in the dark and the thrum of music from speakers give it a romantic vibe. Le has a tray of cocktails and they look too good. It¡¯s then I find out she spent one summer here as a barmaid and has a wealth of knowledge on tasty drinks. Despite a super-rich family, it seems Le is pretty self-sufficient at times. She loves nothing more than sharing anecdotes of her past experiences and she has a humorous way of reliving the past. ¡°I should stop, I think I¡¯ve had enough.¡± I try to reject Le¡¯s push of another, now that I¡¯m barely upright anymore, and should probably sit down. I¡¯ve overdone it way more than I intended and now it¡¯s dark and the boat is moving all around me as though we are on a stormy sea. ¡°Hush now, we¡¯re on vacation ¡­ Party, party, party!¡± She grins and tries once more with a sassy choice of a ss my way. ¡°End upatose, or throwing up in my own shoes, you mean?¡± I sigh and sway, grabbing the rail for support. ¡°Your loss, sweet cheeks.¡± She turns, shrugging to swing her impressive booty across toward Richard, with drinks in hand. A giggle as she saunters off. Jake is sprawled over one of the loungers and he¡¯s been hitting the booze,zily watching us dance and chatter, asionally joining in the conversation. His manner is slightly more rxed than normal, if that is even possible, and despite seeming mostly okay, I can tell he¡¯s in the top limits of his drunkenness. I wonder who¡¯ll be putting whom to bed tonight, and it makes me snigger; he¡¯s so inviting on the double lounger and I have the urge to curl up beside him and sleep right there. ¡°Come, Bambino!¡± Jake¡¯s eyes meet mine with a beckoning finger wiggle before he pats the lounger beside him suggestively. I aim to slide demurely to the bed next to him but end up sprawled over the top instead after connecting with a chair leg. Falling in the most ungraceful manner. Chapter 59 Chapter 59 ¡°Shit.¡± I gasp as his armssso me, he shifts so my weight ends up beside him on the lounger, instead of on top of him, keeping me in his embrace andying us both back. It¡¯sfy and warm from his body heat in the now cooler night air and I sink contently. ¡°Bit drunk there, Miss. Anderson?¡± he chuckles at me, sounding boyish and happy and I smile too. Just charming. ¡°Sof course not¡± What? Okay, so maybe, I¡¯m a lot drunk. Heughs into my hair, his mouth pressed to my temple as he slides his other hand across my neck and shoulder and pulls me against him. Cuddling me in easily. ¡°d to see you letting go.¡± He smiles, almost nose to nose with me. His warm breath on my face and heavy scent of alcohol; it gives me an overwhelming sense of closeness and my body tingles deliciously from head to toe. ¡°I think falling on top of your boss is more than letting go.¡± I giggle, rxing to the sensation and surrendering to the sway around me, regaining the control of my vocabry, even if it¡¯s slurring still. ¡°I¡¯m not your boss for the next two weeks.¡± He winks. That handsome face close enough to touch with my tongue. ¡°Okay, I shall rephrase ¡­ Falling on top of your temporary not boss, is overdoing it.¡± I chortle again, so light, and free and a little bit silly. My hair blows gently across my face, yet he strokes it back, lingering, ying with its short new waves. I think he¡¯s more than a little obsessed with the cut, and it makes me sigh adoringly. The sensation of having my hair yed with is addictive when he¡¯s the one doing it. ¡°Do you need me to put you to bed?¡± he asks, still focusing on twirling a strand, his face is really so close I can almost lick him without moving. Stop it, Emma! ¡°Do I not need to put you to bed?¡± I slur again and bask in hisughter; he finds that highly amusing. I want to wrap myself up in thatugh, it¡¯s so inviting and familiar. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can handle way more alcohol than you, tiny.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not so sure, I haven¡¯t seen you walk yet.¡± I point at him with a drunk air jab. Being drunk can be pretty amazing at loosening me up and forgetting my Boss/PA boundaries. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°I¡¯m sure after seeing you try that; it proves you¡¯re worse than me.¡± He stays smirking down at me, finally letting my hair go. Shifting his body weight, causing the bed dip lightly. The chatter of the others nearby has droned down to a background hum and I¡¯m barely even aware of them anymore. It feels like it¡¯s just the two of us. ¡°I like your dimples when you smile.¡± I prod his face. Focusing on his features a little too closely, distracted by them and how he never ceases to look gorgeous, no matter how long I have known him. ¡°And there she is.¡± He grins at me with a twinkly in his eye. ¡°There who is?¡± I ask in confusion, a frown creasing my forehead. ¡°Drunk Emma ¡­ How are you doing? ¡­ I missed you, baby.¡± His dimples cutely indent with the huge smile he¡¯s giving me, sheer joy in that look. ¡°You missed drunken Emma?¡± I ask blinking suspiciously, not jumping into the merry reunion vibe. ¡°I did.¡± ¡°Why? Do you like her more than me?¡± I pout with sad eyes, not even smiling when heughs at me and shakes his head. A childish surly mood instantly brewing in my depths. ¡°You are drunken Emma ¡­¡± ¡°No. I¡¯m not ¡­ I¡¯m just Emma ¡­ Drunken Emma is ¡­¡± I¡¯m confused and I¡¯ve no idea what I¡¯m saying, he¡¯sughing at me again and it¡¯s infuriating my sulky side. ¡°Why are youughing? I¡¯m being serious!¡± I scowl at him and pull my hands down to cross over my chest to re. He prods my nose yfully. ¡°Both Emmas are you, they just choose toe out at different times. You¡¯re cute when you pout.¡± He prods me in the face lightly again, before pinching my nose, like I¡¯m some sort of juvenile. ¡°Why do you like her more?¡± I p his hand away. I¡¯m being sulky, and I can tell by the humorous glint in his eyes he¡¯s finding me entertaining. It does nothing to help my somber state of mind on this topic. If anything, it just adds to it and the fire of outrage in my belly. ¡°How can you not love this version of you?¡± He wraps his arms tighter around me, pulling me closer and nts a kiss on my cheek, just shy of the corner of my lips. Snuggling his head into the crook of my neck and maneuvering my body to mold into his so we almost be one. ¡°Pffft ¡­ I don¡¯t love her then.¡± I try and wriggle free. ¡°Because I do?¡± he has a permanent smile on his face now, as alluring as it is, I¡¯m still frowning. ¡°Yes!¡± ¡°That makes no sense.¡± He ignores my dash for freedom and holds on, ¡°Yes, it does ¡­ If you like her so much, she must be a leggy bimbo.¡± I huff and make another attempt at squirming before giving in and slumping instead. ¡°I already told you, I don¡¯t actually like leggy bimbos, Emma.¡± He closes in on me, nose to nose. His smile vanishes, his eyes instantly serious and dark. His focus moves across my face and rests on my mouth for a long moment. I pause, breath held before he hits me with a slight frown, a chew of his bottom lip and he nces back at my eyes with a sigh, moving back again. ¡°I don¡¯t believe you.¡± I almost gulp at the nervous reaction I¡¯m having to whatever that was, and the way it sent my insides into twisted chaos. My heart rate elevated. ¡°Well, that¡¯s your prerogative.¡± He softly smiles this time, his mouth moving dangerously close to me again, achingly close. I swear I get a vibe that he means it before there¡¯s a noise on deck and we nce over to see Daniel stripping off Miracle¡¯s clothes in a rather smutty fashion. Jake frowns and pulls me up quickly to his side by the lounger, breaking that moment of tension and bodily moving me. ¡°Time for bed ¡­ I know what Daniel¡¯s like. Show-time equals go time!¡± his voice turns grim, tight, all humor gone as he hurries me. ¡°What¡¯s he like? What do you mean, ¡°Show-time¡±?¡± I honestly don¡¯t know and as I¡¯m being pulled up like a child, I can¡¯t help but stare at the group. ¡°He likes kinky sex, he¡¯s an exhibitionist, doesn¡¯t matter if you¡¯re male or female; he¡¯ll try and pull you in, he has no qualms about fucking in front of an audience.¡± He hauls me to my feet as I inhale sharply, staring over at the man and his bimbo porn star, in wide eyed shock. That¡¯s so gross. I hope Le has the sense to get out quick. Richard and Le get up knowingly and move to loungers, away from Daniel. Thank goodness. ¡°Will you join in?¡± I squeak in surprise, a sudden swift knock inside my stomach that hurts like hell. I don¡¯t like the thought of Jake doing that, with them, with anyone. ¡°No, it¡¯s not my thing, Emma.¡± Jake narrows his eyes at me, a deep frown on his forehead as relief washes over me and he pulls me by the hand, a small tug to break my focus on Daniel. ¡°You said you did it on your dad¡¯s boat when you were younger ¡­ group ¡­ stuff.¡± I use shyly, thinking back to an old conversation a long while ago when he was drunk. ¡°Who do you think was at the root of that?¡± he raises an eyebrow toward Daniel and pulls me with him to the stairs leading to lower deck. I don¡¯t argue, just follow. ¡°So, you liked it then?¡± I ask, casting my eyes back once more as Marissa gets up and begins a slow strip tease, her eyes following us. Jake ignores her, and I get a wave of happiness at this fact; he shrugs and slides his arm around me as he leads me down the stairs slowly and carefully, so I don¡¯t fall to the next floor. Guiding me. On the second to bottom step, he pulls tight and lifts me off my feet to the floor. ¡°I was young, it¡¯s just sex. I was pretty much partying and pissing my dad off at every turn.¡± I stumble on the carpeted floor and he rights me, holding me close. I notice him sway a little as we head through the door to the internal hall of the boat indicating he isn¡¯t much more sober than I am. I¡¯m d he¡¯s leaning against me though; I¡¯m finding it so much harder to walk than I realized. ¡°You don¡¯t do group sex anymore?¡± I hup. Hating myself for saying. Why the hell am I so obsessed with this topic? I do not even want to know any of this. He eyes me warily, a soft questioning smile on his lips, showing those neat white teeth, devastating dimples and I¡¯m instantly distracted. ¡°I like your smile.¡± I say, alcohol very effectively removing my internal filter again. Chapter 60 Chapter 60 ¡°No, I don¡¯t, and I like that you like my smile, shorty.¡± He stops and pushes me against the wall to steady me, pulls his cell from his pocket, swipes the screen, checks who¡¯s calling and pushes it back from where he produced it. ¡°I like when youugh like that.¡± He nces up at me and it¡¯s then I realize I¡¯ve been giggling for no reason. Where did thate from? All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°Like what?¡± I ask innocently, still unable to stop grinning like a freak. Maybe it has something to do with the fact he has my body pressed to the wall with his and he is every bit my idea of a good dream. ¡°Unguarded ¡­ I like drunk Emma.¡± He peels me back off the wall and leads me to my room, disappointment flitting through me that it was fleeting. ¡°I like drunk Emma too.¡± I sigh, following him as he opens the door, his hand still epassing mine. She gets to touch Jake in ways sober Emma doesn¡¯t. ¡°I thought you said you didn¡¯t?¡± he squints at me with a confused smirk. Pulling me through to my bedroom. ¡°I was jealous ¡­ You like her way too much.¡± I exhale moodily and heughs at me again, only this time it¡¯s deep and heartfelt as though I¡¯ve said the most hrious thing. I pout at him, annoyed that he finds everything I say so funny. ¡°You¡¯re the same Emma ¡­ No reason to be jealous, Bambino.¡± He calms hisughing, pulls me to the base of my bed, letting me go, sits me down, and pulls my sandals off my feet easily. I like when he takes care of me like this, as though I¡¯m something more to him than just his PA. ¡°Nooo, you like one more than the other.¡± I exhale loudly. He smiles up at me and moves closer, so we¡¯re nose to nose, him bent down at my knees, his handes to my hair and ruffles it, toying with its new shortness. He really is infatuated with my new haircut. Best idea ever! ¡°I like both versions of you, in different ways, equally.¡± He utters, keeping close. The lights are off in the room and the only light is from the moon shining in the porthole window beside us. It¡¯s so intimate and romantic. ¡°What do you mean ¡®different ways¡¯?¡± I¡¯m inquisitive, being drunk seems to make me crave for knowledge and to keep him this close. He sighs, running a hand across my face lightly, moving my hair to tuck behind my ear, erupting a million tingles across my skin. He chews his lip in that childish way he has when he¡¯s trying to think out an answer before he speaks. He has no idea how much it makes me ache to bite his lip too. ¡°PA Emma is cool and capable, and she¡¯s the best assistant I¡¯ve ever had, she¡¯s funny and sharp and she¡¯s good at what she does. I like PA Emma.¡± He nods to himself as though rattling off a tick list. Finished with my shoes, he kneels up, so even though he¡¯s still on the floor his head is towering over me. ¡°You like her in an employee-employer way?¡± I reach up and toy with his spiky hair, seeing as he keeps messing mine up, I think it should work both ways; he raises his eyebrows in surprise, but only smiles and lets me continue. ¡°Yes and no ¡­ I just like her because she¡¯s her.¡± His gazees to rest on mine, distracting me from his hair. It feels good and exactly how I thought it would feel. ¡°And drunk Emma?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a little infatuated with drunk Emma, if I¡¯m being honest.¡± He pulls my hand down and straightens up. ¡°You are? Why?¡± I sulk at both his answer and his removal of my fingers. ¡°Because she¡¯s fun ¡­ She doesn¡¯t guard what she says ¡­ or does.¡± He nods toward my fingers to prove the point. ¡°She giggles and lets her hair down.¡± ¡°So do most of your leggy boobs!¡± I sulk at beingpared to one of them. Except am I not the one doing theparing? I¡¯m confused. ¡°They¡¯re not the same. Not even close, Be. They don¡¯t have the other side to her ¡­ That¡¯s what I mean by ¡°I like you both¡±. One can¡¯t exist without the other. I wouldn¡¯t like there to be only one and not the other.¡± ¡°So, you like my split personality? A lover of the cray cray.¡± I grin yfully, motioning in circles at my temples and cross my eyes. He chuckles and moves another hair from my face. Seems short hair equals messy hair that clings to your skin at every opportunity. Not that having him stroke it away is a bad thing, it¡¯s a very, very good thing. ¡°It¡¯s not split though, there¡¯s glimpses of both versions all the time, just one chooses to dominate ¡­ I see drunk Emma sometimes in PA Emma when she asionally rxes too.¡± ¡°Maybe she doesn¡¯t know how to rx all the time.¡± I confess, with a conspiratorial wink. Aiming for sass and failing. ¡°I think she¡¯s scared.¡± He answers thoughtfully. ¡°Why?¡± I retort slightly shocked, watching him carefully; I want to know why he thinks this third person me is scared. I¡¯m curious as to how he sees her and why he believes that. He stands up, his hands sliding across his chest; he looks too appealing standing like that, touchable, grope able and I quickly avert my eyes. I¡¯m conscious of the fact my head is now level with his crotch. I¡¯ll definitely not look. Much. ¡°Because letting her guard down means she lets go of a little bit of control, and she likes to hold it all together. Letting go makes her vulnerable, leaves her exposed, and that¡¯s worse than death for her.¡± His voice is steady and low. My breath catches in my throat with a tug of surprise in my chest. A little emotional suddenly that he really seems to know me. ¡°If I¡¯m vulnerable, people can hurt me ¡­ Men can hurt me.¡± I whisper into the darkness of my room, too honest in my drunken stupor as the words slide out. I sense his eyes on me as he bends so his forehead meets mine and presses our noses together, an awkward position for him but the cutest move I¡¯ve ever seen him make; there¡¯s something insanely innocent and tender about it. I nce up at him. ¡°I¡¯d never let anyone hurt you, Emma.¡± He breathes against me. His handsing down to hold his weight on the mattress at either side of my thighs, so it brings his mouth so close to mine, we¡¯re sharing air. ¡°What if you couldn¡¯t stop them?¡± I sound young and scared, suddenly serious, and afraid. ¡°I¡¯d always stop them.¡± He promises, with conviction and I sink forward wanting the safety in his arms I feel when he¡¯s around me. Reaching up so I can wrap myself around his neck and press us together more firmly. ¡°You won¡¯t always be around.¡± I whisper quietly. ¡°I¡¯m always around, if you haven¡¯t noticed.¡± He smirks, his voice low, urging me to pull my face away enough to stay level with his eyes. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Let go, Emma ¡­ Trust me to look after you ¡­ If not long-term then for these two weeks at least. Trust me to protect you.¡± He¡¯s so endearing in this moment; I could never deny him. ¡°I¡¯ll try,¡± I whisper. Not wanting to part from this intimate position, my heart bursting with the tenderness I have for him right now, the sensual emotions swirling. ¡°Good girl.¡± His arms slide around me, pulling me up to him slightly for a gentle embrace, lifting me from the bed. ¡°Don¡¯t say that to me.¡± I pause mid-hold, causing him to halt. My voice childish as it hits me somewhere in the gut. ¡°Why?¡± I don¡¯t know. Jake called me it before, and I felt like he was talking to a puppy. Maybe it¡¯s calling me ¡°girl¡± ¡­ Ray called me girl. Stupid, slutty, cock teasing, little girl. I always hated it. ¡°Just don¡¯t ¡­¡± I flinch as he smiles and slowly pulls me the rest of the way to cuddle me; I¡¯m on my feet against him. It¡¯s unexpected and so gentle and I¡¯m instantly sagging into his body greedily. Held solidly in a bear hug. When he loosens his hold to let me go, I stumble backward, grabbing onto him, but the sheer suddenness of it catches him off guard. His own drunken stupor causing a loss of bnce. He leans forward to steady me, catch me, losing his footing too. Somehow, we both end up falling t on the bed behind me. Him on top of me, nose to nose, and laughing like fools at the awkwardness of our ungraceful copse. His face so close, like the night we shared a bed, his mouth too inviting. Everything within me clenching tight and hungry for him now that his body is fully connected to mine in such an intimate pose. His lips too kissable to be ignored. I¡¯m drunk and I¡¯m going to regret it so badly when I sober up, but in the mind of a drunken, wanton female who fancies this man crazily, what I¡¯m doing seems totally fine. I throw my mouth against his in a rather satisfying manner, soft lips hungrily connecting, instantly on fire. Aching to feel his mouth on mine, like that night in Chicago. Chapter 61 Chapter 61 We are entwined in seconds because he doesn¡¯t hesitate. Our tongues are most certainly finding pleasure at meeting once again as he slides his hands into my hair and around my throat, softly holding me still. I¡¯m rejoicing in the feel of his muscr body on top of mine, a little wave of smug pride and deep desire. It¡¯s right in every kind of way; male hardness and soft feminine curves entangling. This is good, too good, and the fact he¡¯s just as into this as I am, has me ravenous, losing any inhibitions. Panting as my heart pounds from my chest, lost in the perfection of it. I should really listen to him more when he says let go. His fingers find mine and he presses them against the mattress beside my head, pulling away to catch his breath momentarily, his eyes dark with dted pupils, so close. Don¡¯t stop please, don¡¯t stop. Content rights by N?velDr//ama.Org. He regards me for a millisecond, his face in shadow so I can¡¯t read his expression clearly, pondering what we¡¯re doing, then drops to kiss me intensely. Breathing hard and fast, this could go one of two ways. Right now, that giddy head is throwing the sensible option off the boat. I don¡¯t care about the consequences; I want him more than I¡¯ve ever wanted anyone in my life. Doubts gone, mind fuzzy with alcohol, for once just following instinct and ignoring my brain. He pulls away, changes angle, and kisses me again, this time, sucking my bottom lip passionately. I almost lose all control right then. His hands back around my face, he¡¯s putting all effort into seducing me, and caressing my tongue with a fire that could wipe out cities. Jake knows how to kiss; he does it like a guy who has learned the art of making a woman pliable under his skilled attentions. I am no different; body and soul screaming for more, heightened and buzzing with longing. He tastes like alcohol and tropical juice, mouth soft yet agonizingly sensual. I can¡¯t help but tremble with every movement he¡¯s making. Every slight tensing of his muscles, and lines of his body against mine, is beyond sensual. My hands exploring his upper torso, those hard, taut muscles, turning me on. I¡¯m probably the most inexperienced girl he¡¯s ever had under him, but he makes me crave him. His mouth on mine drowns out every good thing I¡¯ve ever known as a pale second. His taste, his caress, his smell; it¡¯s intoxicating, the best kind of drug. He¡¯s making love to my mouth, pulling me further into erotica, my body aching for more while I¡¯m clinging to him and trying to pull him further into me. He responds with equal fervor; his hands move to skim the side of my breast and I softly moan in pleasure. Holding his weight up so he can shift against me, bringing his groin to my pelvis and parting my legs, never breaking contact with his mouth. His body is all over me in the most satisfying way. I¡¯m almost on fire with the longing in every cell of my being; I¡¯m so ready to let him take me that I am almost rubbing up against his crotch. We just fit so perfectly, everythinging together easily and in unison. There¡¯s a mass bang in the hall behind us that sends a startling shockwave through the room. Pulling our mouths apart as fright hits me in the chest and he seems to instinctively shield me slightly. He jerks up to look to where we left the door wide open. There¡¯s lots of hysterical screaming in the distance as the door fills with the dark looming figure of a man and Jake turns his head to him. ¡°What the f¡ª?¡± Jake¡¯s shocked, yet angry, maybe like me he¡¯s not so happy about the interruption when what we were doing was mind blowing. He¡¯s still on top of me, braced on his arms, our bodies still entangled, and Iy here panting, clinging to him, my body buzzing with pulsing heat. ¡°Jake? Jake?¡± The voice at the door sounds hysterical. I think it¡¯s one of the twins. ¡°What is it?¡± He snaps. ¡°It¡¯s Daniel ¡­ He fell off the boat ¡­ We can¡¯t find him.¡± *** I¡¯m grasping the rail with white knuckles and leaning over, scanning the dark sea frantically. The ship¡¯s crew are out on small boats searching the water and Jake¡¯s already dove in and swam back twice. I¡¯m hysterical about the fact he¡¯s this drunk and yet swimming to find his friend in an almost pitch-ck ocean. Watching the water with fear gripping my throat, holding my breath with every dive he takes and willing them to find him so Jake will get out of the water. I¡¯ve never been so terrified in my life that I can barely move. ¡°He¡¯s here, Mr. Carrero.¡± Yells one of the crew from the lifeboat; I spin to them, shlights illuminating the hauling of a lifeless body into it under the moonlight. Oh my god. * * * I¡¯m sitting in my room and I¡¯m tired and cold, I haven¡¯t slept. Last night was hell, Daniel was airlifted to a hospital on the maind, he¡¯s okay but it gave all of us a huge scare and the atmosphere left behind is silent and tense. Jake has been gone most of the night and I¡¯m left reeling from what happened, churning it over and over. Daniel being given CPR by Jake, then his coughing up tons of water anding around. The drama at thinking Jake was going to drown every time he dove under; all I could think was how drunk he was. How terrified I was of losing him, counting the seconds until I would see him surface again, and the terror whenever he went back down. The craziness when he left in a flurry of paramedics, and helicopter turbulence hovering over the yacht; I barely got to say two words to him, or even check how he was, and it was agony. Finally, what we were doing when Vincent raised the rm that Hunter was in the water. What Jake and I had been doing! Where that had been leading, and just how far down that road to having sex with him I had been. I can¡¯t bear thinking about it. How stupid I was. I¡¯m sobering up, and it¡¯s hard to digest how close I came to ruining all of this. How could I contemte even doing it? I need to get off this boat and put some distance between us. I need to w some perspective back and sort my head out. This is getting ridiculous, my inability to separate my hormones from rational thought when he is in proximity. I did this! I¡¯m the one who made a move and kissed him when we were both clearly drunk, but I¡¯m the one who initiated it. Hunter maybe did a dumb thing and almost got himself killed, but he inadvertently stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Jake doesn¡¯t look at sex as any big deal, but I do. I¡¯ve only slept with two people in my life and that was years ago when I was pushed into it. He would have been able to brush it off to a drunken night, but would I? I have a feeling that would have killed me more than being fired. What¡¯s wrong with me? I get up and head to the boat deck in a bid to stop torturing myself. In the early morning sun, it¡¯s warm but not overly so, and I¡¯m still wearingst night¡¯s dress. I like the fact it still smells of him, soothing me and right now I need it while I miss him so much. I can¡¯t stop obsessing over him, how he is, when he¡¯s coming back. This is exactly why I need to get my head together, this kind of stupid thinking. I¡¯m seriously losing it over my boss. It was that inability to touch him, stop him, and check he was okay that has left me pacing and restless. Iy down on the double sun lounger on deck, sinking into the softness of the cushioned mattress; the sun has warmed it enough to give me some much-needed heat. I¡¯m beyond exhausted, fatigue washing over me while leaving me detached and cast adrift. Why haven¡¯t I slept? I know why. Jake left with Daniel, wet with ruffled hair, in sweats and a T-shirt, a towel around his shoulders. He looked ¡ª primal. Devastated. I never really understood the bond between him and Daniel Hunter, but it exists. They¡¯re like oil and vinegar, yet they really are best friends. I guess, in his past, he was more like Hunter than I want to admit but I¡¯m d Jake is nothing like him now. I doze, finally, warmed by the rising sun, listening to the noise of a boat returning across the soft lapping waves and it pushes me nce up. Startling me from the first stages of slumber as my heart rate elevates. Is it? Oh my god, it¡¯s them ¡­ He¡¯sing back. My heart lurches painfully and I¡¯m suddenly shy and afraid, despite my longing to see him back and safe. We kissedst night. I mean properly kissed, a two-way, no objections, and taking it further than just a moment of madness, kind of kiss. A real make-out session. Chapter 62 Chapter 62 I¡¯ve never been kissed like that, before Jake. I have never really been kissed by someone I wanted to kiss me. I never wanted to be kissed, yet with him it¡¯s like an instinctive urge. I almost lost control, I have never known a man could ignite such a me, with something so simple. Do I get up and greet him, or do I stay here and hope he bypasses me? I don¡¯t want him to bypass me. I don¡¯t know if I want to face him either. I¡¯m shy, ashamed, embarrassed, and uneasy. He¡¯ll be sober now and so am I. I have lost all bravado. What will he say? What will he think aboutst night? I am still as I listen to him get on the boat, sensitive to every tiny noise and movement. His low voice as he quietly converses with the crew, even that simple sound, making my heart pound through my chest wildly. The engine thrums as the little taxi boat moves away; I swear my heart is going to explode through my chest and for a second, I waver, wondering if he will evene up here or head straight to his room. I wonder if he¡¯s even thought about what we were doingst night at all, if he remembers. God, this is agony! ¡°Emma?¡± his voice pulls my gaze to him; husky and exhausted and my stomach lurches up into my chest. I guess that answered my questions. ¡°Hey.¡± I smile unsurely from my position on the lounger as he walks toward me intently, he doesn¡¯t hesitate but slides down beside me andys down with a tremendous sigh. His body sagging heavily, taking up a vast amount of room beside me. He¡¯s close enough that we can touch delicately in ces, but not deliberately. He smells good, of sea and sun and him. If I could bottle that smell and keep it forever, I would. My body is tingling at the proximity, but I¡¯m holding my breath, waiting. He¡¯s on his front and he¡¯s buried his face in the crook of his arms making it obvious he is utterly exhausted. I nce over his profile appraising how tired he really is. For once, his hair has nothing in it, and it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen it au natural. It¡¯s ruffled like he has a hint of curl in it and looks boyish and sweet somehow. I like that he keeps a short back and sides, it showcases his neck and jaw, but there¡¯s enough hair on top to run your fingers through. Not that I should. It¡¯s thick, dark and unruly, a bit like him and the temptation to touch it is overwhelming. I study him for a minute, wondering what he¡¯s thinking. His eyes are closed, and he seems like he¡¯s fallen asleep, maybe he has. I don¡¯t me him. He was up all night, in a cold sterile hospital after the drama of diving into the ocean, frantically searching for his friend and then whisked away in a helicopter ambnce in a flurry of chaos before dawn. ¡°I¡¯m still awake.¡± It¡¯s as if he¡¯s listening to my thoughts. My eyes widen at being caught and I nce away. I don¡¯t respond. Crap. How does he do that? Maybe he could feel me staring, I know that I¡¯m always aware of his eyes on me. He reaches out an arm, shifting his position slightly, and drapes it across my waist loosely. He pulls me closer so our bodies mold in the best way they can and brings his face closer to my shoulder. Still, his eyes are closed, I¡¯ve literally stopped breathing and I think my heart skips at least three beats. The position is sensual,forting, but the fear inside of me is notching up into frantic worry. ¡°You smell good.¡± His nose brushes against the naked skin at my shoulder, where my dress strap stops, his touch burning through me, igniting some ofst night¡¯s passion. I need to push it down and shove it away fast before I make another stupid mistake. ¡°Thanks,¡± I mutter, really trying to calm my racing thoughts. I¡¯m tense as hell, rigid with it. I need to rx. I must be emanating all sorts of crazy anxiety, but he smiles against my shoulder and I cannot only see it, but feel it, the delicate, soft graze of his face as it moves. The slight scratch of the stubble of his jaw on my exposed skin. God! ¡°Are you ever going to just learn to let go when you¡¯re sober, Miss. Anderson?¡± His voice is hoarse from tiredness, the change in its normally clear tone is devastatingly alluring. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I nche. ¡°I can feel you ¡­ Stiffer than a board ¡­Why so formal afterst night?¡± He smiles again, tickling the skin at my shoulder with his mouth and breath, his tone flirty. I wasn¡¯t expecting this kind of conversation, especially after the kitchen kiss. I want the kitchen kiss conversation, the ¡°sorry we were drunk, it never happened¡± speech. I¡¯ve no clue what to say, so I swallow and chew my lip, twisting my hair; practically ripping the strand from my scalp. He reaches up, still with closed eyes and tugs my hand out of it. He has that annoying habit perfected nowadays; he can even do it when not looking. ¡°Rx, I only want to sleep,¡± he mumbles, returning his arm to its previous throw across my waist as if there was some agreement to do more. ¡°Stop thinking and sleep with me ¡­ You look tired.¡± He sounds gruff but I¡¯m bristling all over. Full alert mode. I re at the side of his face, hating his ability to read me. Why did I ever let my boss get so goddamned close? I know, because since I took this damn job, he¡¯s practically forced me to live with him. I¡¯m at his side every second of my waking life, and now it seems he wants me there unawake too. The betrayal of my own body, reacting to his, has set me off in a weird mood, irritation rising like a beast. ¡°I¡¯m not tired,¡± I huff and slide out of his grasp, diving off the lounger to dodge any attempts to keep me. ¡°I¡¯m going for a swim.¡± To cool myself off and put some much-needed distance between us. I catch his movement from the corner of my eye, he lifts his head, watches me storming to the stairs, thenys back down. ¡°Don¡¯t drown ¡­ I don¡¯t have the energy for a repeat ofst night.¡± He¡¯s already making jokes about Daniel, I guess that means Hunter really is going to be fine after all and I am pressed with guilt for not even asking him, also pissed off. I don¡¯t even know why. I throw him a shady look and head to my room for a bikini with a toss of my hair. * * * The water is exactly what I need, it¡¯s cooler than yesterday, because of the early hour and even though I¡¯m tired, it helps rejuvenate me. I love the ocean, the peace it brings over me is unparalleled to anything I¡¯ve ever felt, maybe because there are no oceans in my past. No childhood traumas in the sea. I eventually haul myself back onto the boat, along the lower floor and to my bedroom, to dry and get dressed. I notice as I pass, Jake¡¯s room, which is next to mine, has his door ajar. It was closed this morning; he must havee inside. I peek into the darkened room and I can make out his still form in the bed, the heavy, calm breathing indicating he¡¯s asleep and I suddenly get stupidly emotional. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. My Jake, my friend, boss stroke, whatever he is; he ignites some maternal urge in my belly when he looks so still and peaceful. I can almost make out his face in the dark; he¡¯s just so damned cute when he¡¯s asleep like this. Irresistible in apletely different way to his wakened self; vulnerable and young. He sleeps in a way I would expect him to; childishly sprawled over the whole bed, taking ownership with cushions strewn, and sheets tangled in his limbs. No wonder he wrapped himself around me in Chicago. He¡¯s a bed hogger. He¡¯s face down and his arms are sprawled, letting his fingers hang over the edge of the mattress,id diagonally from corner to corner. He¡¯s in his sweats and T-shirt, despite the heat and I¡¯m hit with a tug of disappointment at not glimpsing some naked flesh. Something innocent about this spectacle as though he came in and literally flopped down to sleep in any way hended. It makes my heart pang with adoration and I close the door gently and head to my room to get changed. * * * Breakfast on deck is amazing after the swim, pancakes, and syrup, with a fruit cocktail. We have a cook on the ship¡¯s crew, who¡¯s only too willing to throw food our way whenever we beckon. I like this bonus of being with a super-rich guy, being with Jake. Wherever we go, I¡¯m always well fed and never have to cook or clean up. Definitely a perk! I cast my mind back over yesterday and inwardly hope the next two weeks are not as eventful as our first couple of days here, I may need a holiday to recover from my holiday. I dig out a book and return to the lounger when I¡¯m full, trying to put it all down in one filebeled ¡°crazy drunken night¡±, to stow away in the recess of my brain. I¡¯m sure most people have those kinds of nights and manage to get past them quickly. It¡¯s what I intend to do. Chapter 63 Chapter 63 I don¡¯t expect to see any of the others up at this hour, most of them stayed up long after the chopper left and I¡¯m not sure when they finally went to bed. It had been a traumatic night for all of us and Le was particrly hysterical. I manage a few pages of my book before my eyes get heavy andy it across my face to shield myself from the sun; a nap would be good. Five minutes of shut eye. Exhaustion finally catching up with me and I don¡¯t need to try and force it as I start to slide away. * * * I¡¯m vaguely conscious of the fact that the shadowing cover on my face has been slid away, but I¡¯m still sleepy and don¡¯t want to open my eyes to be assaulted by the ring brightness. A warm sensation runs across my cheek, igniting goosebumps and removes the tickling hair which has been bothering me in the mild breeze. Now my sunscreen has been taken from me, I¡¯m starting to waken fully and register that my book has been removed. I blink my eyes open groggily, faced with a dark figure leaning over me, the sun behind its head. I know without focusing it¡¯s Jake. I can just tell. ¡°Hey,¡± he sounds husky, like he¡¯s not long woken up. ¡°Hey.¡± So do I, except, I really have just woken up. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t sleep in the sun,¡± he scolds gently, and I blink up at him, trying to make out his face, but I can¡¯t. ¡°I didn¡¯t intend to.¡± I know that¡¯s not entirely true; truth be told, I didn¡¯t think about it. It annoys me that I can¡¯t make out his face, as it¡¯s so cast in darkness in contrast to the zing circle of light behind him. I squint and pause at the smooth movement as he slides his sunsses on for me. I smile involuntarily, like I always do when he does this. Oh, Jake. ¡°Want to go somewhere?¡± His voice is uncharacteristically quiet, and he seems to be looking off to the side at something, distracted. It makes my heart expand with a pang; I hate seeing him so deted and the urge to fix him unravels inside of me. ¡°Such as?¡± I push softly. He shrugs and tilts his head up, looking away from the direction which first caught his attention, to across the water. He¡¯s sitting on the lounger, that¡¯s why he¡¯s towering over me, one arm across my body holding his weight, so he can look down at me directly. Present yet he seems so far away. ¡°Anywhere but here.¡± His voice is detached. I bite my lip. He sounds uptight; maybe I was wrong about Daniel. Maybe he¡¯s not okay and Jake¡¯s mulling it over. ¡°How¡¯s Hunter?¡± I ask gently. I don¡¯t like Jake this way and he¡¯s making me edgy. He turns back to me and visibly rxes a little. ¡°He¡¯s fine ¡­ He will be. They just need to monitor him ¡­ Secondary drowning is a risk when you swallow as much as he did.¡± He says it lightly, no untruth in his face as though he really isn¡¯t worried about Hunter¡¯s recovery, yet his mood is unexinable. Maybe he¡¯s just tired still. ¡°Secondary drowning?¡± I query. I have never heard of it. ¡°You can drown long after youe out of the water ¡­ It¡¯s in your lungs still.¡± He tenses, and I know he doesn¡¯t want to talk. I vaguely remember a conversation where he told me one of his friends, in their teens, drowned after a boat party. I wonder if it still hurts him. The thought makes me long to wrap my arms around him and squeeze it away. Take away this somber mood he seems to be in. ¡°So, where will we go?¡± I change the subject instead. ¡°We could drive somewhere.¡± He¡¯s back to watching the horizon, distant and distracted. I don¡¯t think there¡¯s any chance that he¡¯s going to bring upst night, he seems preupied and down. ¡°Okay.¡± I just want to get him out of this funk, and maybe going out will do that. I move to sit up and he gets out of my way steadily. ¡°Shall I get changed?¡± I motion at my clothes. He shakes his head, looking over my floaty dress and sandals with no hint of a facial response. Not him at all. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°No ¡­ You look perfect.¡± His eyes flicker down the length of me again so I smile and indicate I¡¯m going to put my book in my room, sliding off and quickly leaving. Stressed over his mood. * * * I check my reflection noting I¡¯ve caught the sun majorly during my time here. I¡¯m glowing and tanned. My hair has developed some new light highlights among my chemical ones, which catch the light, giving me a blonder look. I grab my bag and chuck in the normal essentials; cell, book, sun cream, sunsses, despite Jake¡¯s being on the dresser. I put them back on my face instead of my own, I like having them on as a reminder of how well he takes care of me. I¡¯m ready and I meet him back on deck quickly. Now I can see him standing and not cast in shadow; he¡¯s in jeans and a T-shirt, with that superman body, his hair is still damp. He¡¯s had a shower or been for a swim before he woke me. He appears rxed and casual, as usual. I¡¯m always in awe of the way his clothes sculpt his powerful body, it should be illegal to look that good in everyday wear. He smiles as I close the gap between us, he automatically ruffles my hair, lingering to twirl a strand before he makes me follow him down to the lower floor behind him silently. He seems in a better mood already as we head to the back of the boat where a small speed boat is anchored ready and waiting. * * * He¡¯s as good at driving the low grumbling sports car his father keeps ashore for maind visits as he is the speedboat; effortlessly confident and capable, and it¡¯s kind of seductive. Seeing a man capable of driving an expensive, powerful machine is a turn on. He drives fast, but I don¡¯t feel unsafe; he molds to the curves and the roads like a pro, while I¡¯m left to ogle the surroundings in awe. The scenery is breathtaking, and we don¡¯t talk much as music res from the speakers, wind in my hair from the open roof. We don¡¯t need to talk, we long ago mastered thispanionable silence through forced proximity and I¡¯m d of it now. Scatterings of meaningless small talk and mostly quiet. I nce at his profile and watch the concentration etched on his face, he¡¯s too handsome to be real sometimes. I can¡¯t help but linger on his mouth and get lost for a moment in the memory of how his kiss had feltst night, of how it had made me feel. Allowing myself the brief memories before guilt and shame push them away. He nces my way, catches my eye and smiles, all soft and rxed and I can¡¯t help but return it shyly. Sometimes he just looks so young, weing, and I forget that he¡¯s my boss. That this is beyondplicated and could never work. We still haven¡¯t spoken aboutst night and I¡¯m not sure I want to; in fact, I don¡¯t. I want to forget it happened, forget what it felt like and act like everything is the same. I need this job, I need my mental faculties to deal with this job, and I feel that going to bed with Jake would probably have altered that for an eternity. He¡¯s watching the road again, so I rx back in my seat, sighing. This is so not simple at all and I ponder. My friendship, career, fear of being used and hurt. Just fear. My inability to let a man in or trust fully¡­ There¡¯s no simple solution when ites to Jake and me. He¡¯s the poster child for casual sex, andmitment phobia. Complicating everythingst night with drunkenness was stupid. I try and focus out on the scenery to clear my mind and not dwell on this, but he hasn¡¯t even told me where we¡¯re going. ¡°So, are we literally just driving then?¡± I ask brightly; he¡¯s uber focused on the road and giving off a weird vibe. ¡°Nope.¡± He¡¯s obviously still in that weird mood. Preupied and tetchy, monosybic despite seeming okay at first. ¡°No clues?¡± I try, irritation rising. I hate vagueness and surprises. Jake doesn¡¯t do vague very often and when he does, I really don¡¯t like it. ¡°None!¡± Hmmm. ¡°How do you know I¡¯ll like it?¡± I try a different approach, shoving down the surge of annoyance in the pit of my stomach to coax answers. He only shrugs. For God¡¯s sake, why is he being so ¡­ So pissy and closed off? ¡°It¡¯s not fun is it?¡± There¡¯s a tightness to his voice, but he¡¯s keeping his focus steady on the road still. ¡°What?¡± I snap back around, catching his face turned to me for a second, his eyes narrowed, he looks minorly pissed off. Chapter 64 Chapter 64 What the hell? Where did thate from? ¡°Being closed out.¡± He has a hint of humor in his eye, but I know he¡¯s being serious, sardonic, and not in a friendly way. I frown at him and go back to my sight-seeing, confused at his manner. Trying hard not to rise to it and inwardly churning up with anxiety. ¡°What does it take, Emma?¡± That edgy tone in his voice betrays a bad mood looming up. Why today? I curse inwardly. Jake¡¯s negatives moods are the worst thing ever; maybe he¡¯s hungover and obviously still tired. He shifts gear as we round a rather craggy coastal road; his focus on the road, his brows furrowed, and a tightness to his jaw that screams of tension. ¡°Jake, please ¡­ What are you talking about?¡± I squirm in my seat and adjust my clothes to distract the awkwardness in my pose. How have I closed him out? He¡¯s seen more of me, knows more of me, than anyone on the, does he not see that? ¡°You¡¯re not even going to mentionst night? Is that another conversation over?¡± he snaps this time and I bristle. ¡°You didn¡¯t mention it either.¡± I spit, a little too aggressively. Riled by the up by this attack; it¡¯s like he¡¯s getting his period. ¡°I was waiting to see if you would.¡± Eyes cool green and face tense, he¡¯s in difficult and stubborn mode. Great! ¡°Why?¡± I snap, but he just shrugs again. Oh my god. He can be so infuriating. I think he¡¯s still exhausted for sure, and he¡¯s being crabby as hell. I don¡¯t want to fight, I want to go back to yful, fun Jake. This is not the little outing I was expecting. ¡°Jake ¡­ It shouldn¡¯t have happened; we crossed a line.¡± I plead, trying to make him see sense, trying to stop this fiery conversation and get back to something lighter. ¡°And there she is! Right back to square one.¡± The sarcasm thick in his tone. His body stiffening in his seat. ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± I turn to him angrily. ¡°Anytime you get close, Emma, even a hint of letting go, you snap right back in and shut the door. No conversation. No acknowledgment of it, just wham. Over!¡± He barks at me, all hope of not fighting out the window and my emotions tank. ¡°What?¡± I hiss with a sardonicugh. ¡°Because I won¡¯t sleep with my boss? I¡¯m not letting myself go? That¡¯s being closed off?¡± I turn away, anger ming my face,pletely furious now. Fuck you, Carrero. Why is it always about sex with him? ¡°I don¡¯t think there was any doubt about itst night ¡­ It¡¯s not the issue ¡­ It¡¯s the afterwards, Emma.¡± His voice isced with venom, anger seething from every pore, his body tense. I stay silent, anger prickling my scalp. I¡¯m as wound up as him now. ¡°I was drunk ¡­ being stupid, anyone can make a mistake.¡± I huff. Stop being an asshole and ruining this. I shift in my seat to turn away from him, trying to fully face out of the side window. I¡¯m thrust forward as he ms on the brakes and we screech to a halt, kicking up dust and stone around the car, throwing everything loose toward the front with a violent tter. What the hell? I snap my head at him shocked. He¡¯s gripping the wheel aggressively and staring straight ahead, taking a calming breath. I notice he¡¯s swerved us into the side of the road, out of the non-existent traffic. He unbuckles and gets out of the car and stalks off toward the side of the high edged road, overlooking the vast drop off the cliff. Every muscle in his body tight and flinching with rage. What should I do? What the actual hell? Where did this evene from? I¡¯ve never actually been the focus of this version of angry Jake, not like this, not with this kind of rage. I feel sick, unbearably emotional and I reel it back in, taking deep heavy breaths, trying to still my hands. Trying to not let him get to me while my stomach ties itself in knots. Hees back to the car and slides in stiffly; he¡¯s making me jumpy and nervy. He¡¯s not looking at me and he doesn¡¯t try to put his belt back on. I really don¡¯t know what to say. Angry, aggressive men as big as Jake are my worst nightmare. Why is he reacting this way? I¡¯ve no clue what goes on in his head sometimes as I watch him warily, every nerve ending in my body on high alert. ¡°It¡¯s not about sex, Emma.¡± He¡¯s quiet and pensive and his hands move back to the wheel, but he doesn¡¯t start the car. ¡°It¡¯s about this eternal need in you to stay in full control ¡­ Never letting anyone in, never letting yourself enjoy anything, and letting your guard down. Always keeping me at arm¡¯s length.¡± His voice is gruff and edgy with an undertone of aggression. ¡°That¡¯s not true.¡± I do enjoy things in my life, he has no idea. He¡¯s the closest person to me in the world. ¡°Really? Emma, I¡¯ve been with you for months now, I¡¯ve seen just about every version of you there is ¡­ Tired, grumpy, bossy, happy, PMSing like fuck.¡± He¡¯s calmer, but his voice is still strained, that edge to his tone. I sit stiffly, focused on his hands gripping and un-gripping the wheel as he talks. His body language speaking volumes about his inner hostility. ¡°I¡¯ve seen vulnerable only briefly.¡± He flicks his eyes at me, and I spin away, hating that he¡¯s even seen it at all. ¡°I get it, Emma ¡­ You¡¯re strong, you want everyone to see that. You don¡¯t need anyone ¡­ But it¡¯s not who you are ¡­ And it¡¯s not true.¡± It¡¯s almost an usation. ¡°Yes, it is ¡­ Do you ever think that maybe you overthink it and try to see stuff that isn¡¯t there?¡± I spit angrily. I hate him analyzing me, trying to make out that I don¡¯t know myself inside out. He has no clue what goes on inside of my head. ¡°I think I know you better than most people.¡± All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. I think of my mom and Sarah, and push both images away, I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve cried in front of either of them since I went through puberty. He¡¯s right. He does, but it doesn¡¯t mean he knows all of me. ¡°What if I don¡¯t know how else to be, Jake?¡± I turn to him in frustration at his know it all ideas. ¡°You keep pushing ¡­ Keep telling me to let go, and what if I can¡¯t? What if this is me? This is all I know. I¡¯m not capable of doing it any other way, or needing other people, because I don¡¯t know how.¡± I¡¯m yelling at him. Why am I shouting? Because he¡¯s hit a nerve and it hurts, and I hate him for it, hate him for stripping me bare. I don¡¯t get a second of warning before he bridges the gap, instantly molding his mouth to mine,pletely unexpected. His lips are warm and soft and swiftly push mine apart. His tongue in my mouth, caressing, and it feels like heaven, instantly crushing my defenses and melting my armor. His hands get buried in my loose underyer of my hair and I kiss him back, tangling my fingers in the cor of his shirt so I can pull him closer, instinct taking over. Breathing heavily, getting lost in the sensation of his touch, that sensual mouth which does amazing things to my very soul. We both moan lightly as the kiss deepens, my stomach lurching with desire and I almost let go. My head reels around full circle as though trying to p some sense into me and somehow, I mentally recoil. I can¡¯t do this; I can¡¯t. Yet I can¡¯t stop, it¡¯s addictive as he¡¯s pulling me tight and I¡¯ve literally no defenses. My belt slides loose as he unclips it and I¡¯m against him, his arm around my waist, pulling me hard into his body over the central controls; awkwardness of the car¡¯s confined space ignored. I fear he will drag me onto hisp and then what? This will change everything, this could ruin my career, my life, my mental state, our rtionship. What if we cross the line and I start to feel more for him ¡­? I don¡¯t think I can trust him not to hurt me; it¡¯s what he does. Sex and casual affairs, meaningless hook ups. I¡¯m just a challenge to him, a new toy that holds his interest, because I¡¯ve been evasive and once he has me, what then? I can¡¯t, I just can¡¯t. I start recoiling from him, the passion in me burning out, reced with genuine fear, suffocating terror. My hands sagging and I start pushing against him. He feels the change in me and lets me go, coldly, no real hesitation. Both of us inhaling heavily as he sits back in his seat harshly, ring at me. ¡°That¡¯s exactly what I mean.¡± His voice is cold and angry. ¡°This is your biggest enemy, Emma ¡­ Not me.¡± He taps my temple with a finger, rage brewing in the depths of his green eyes. ¡°Why did you do that?¡± I spit. My body still reeling and out of whack from the assault on my senses. Lungs struggling to self-regte and I am in free fall. My lips on fire from his kiss. Chapter 65 Chapter 65 ¡°To prove a point.¡± He snarls and turns away coldly. ¡°What point?¡± I almost cry at him. I¡¯m so overwrought with emotion. So confused. He scrubs his hands through his ruffled hair and blows out; for a moment I think he¡¯s going to jump out of the car again and walk off, but he just sits and sighs, grasping the wheel, pulling himself to sit properly. ¡°What does it matter?¡± his voice is deted, and he avoids looking at me. His aggression evaporating. So? What? He¡¯s decided, screw it, we¡¯re not talking anymore? How can he assault me with a kiss then just say forget it? What the hell? I¡¯m angry, I¡¯m really goddamn, seething, angry. How dare he! ¡°Fuck you!¡± It¡¯s out of my mouth before I even really contemte screaming at my boss, and I¡¯m out of the car too. I¡¯m raging. My eyes are stinging and blurry. I hate that he makes me fall apart like this. He knows how to rip my head open and I hate him for it, hate the way he strips me of the control I¡¯ve built up over the years. He pulls me into him and spins me around as he¡¯s fast out after me. I try to fight, but he envelopes me and buries his face in my hair, holding me in a vice like grip so that I can¡¯t struggle free. A bear hug to stop me from escaping. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Emma, stop ¡­ Emma. I¡¯m sorry.¡± His voice is raw and strained. I¡¯m fighting but losing as he knows how to hold me so that I can¡¯t move, my body wrapped in his, almost suffocating me. He hugs me in tighter and I slump, anger dissipating when pinned to him this way. In so much emotional pain. He¡¯s breathing into my hair, the warmth of it on my scalp; overwhelmed, tears running down my cheek as he slowly breaks me. ¡°I don¡¯t want to fight with you.¡± His voice is somber now, close to my ear, his crazy mood taking a new direction again. I rx into his hold, no longer struggling, unable to hate him when he¡¯s this way with me, sounding this sorry and I am this upset. ¡°I don¡¯t want to fight either.¡± I swallow a sob. Slumping into him in a bid to let him heal my heart. ¡°Maybe we should go back to the boat?¡± he sounds tired. I don¡¯t know how to navigate this version of Jake; more moods than I¡¯m used to. It¡¯s exhausting but I put it down to the scene with Hunter and the aftereffects of too much alcohol,ck of sleep, stress. This isn¡¯t him. ¡°Maybe,¡± I whisper; at least there I can go to my room and get some distance, some perspective. Let him alone to get a grip of his roller coaster mood swings. ¡°No,¡± he snaps, surprising me again with a U-turn in attitude. The way he says it causes me to bristle and look up. Mood shift suddenly ¡­ again? What the hell is going on with him? He pulls away and stalks back to the car, stops at the hood, leaning down to tense his arms against it, broody and aggressive in his stance. Unapproachable and I just stare. ¡°I can¡¯t do this, Emma.¡± He snaps, his gaze steady on the hood of the low sleek car. For a moment, I think he may even hit it. ¡°Do what?¡± I¡¯m beyond confused. I think Jake has been invaded by a body snatcher. He¡¯s all over the ce and I just can¡¯t keep up. Wiping my tears and pulling myself together. ¡°This! ¡­ Us!¡± He waves his hand in an exasperated motion and I¡¯m dumbfounded; I blink at him. I don¡¯t actually know what else to do. There¡¯s no us! He res at me haughtily, most likely because I¡¯m still silent and frowns. ¡°You drive me crazy ¡­ and not in a good way.¡± He snorts, facing the car again. His body emanating all kinds of erratic, manic, signals. ¡°I do?¡± my voice is tiny and unsure, like I¡¯m walking on eggshells with him right now, yet he¡¯s using me of driving him crazy! Well, it¡¯s goddamn mutual. He sighs again and his face tenses. ¡°You frustrate me on so many levels.¡± He carries on, although he¡¯s lost all conviction in his tone. Likewise. ¡°Sorry,¡± I murmur sarcastically. Rolling my eyes at his back while trying to simmer everything I am feeling. Yes, Jake, I can do moody and sardonic too. He throws me an unamused look over his shoulder and I nce down to twiddle my fingers evasively. He¡¯s sighing again, I can hear him kicking the wheel of the car, funneling some of his rage onto the rubber, and it makes me flinch. ¡°Why do you never talk about your childhood?¡± his tone changes again; a new tactic or a new mood? My head¡¯s dizzy with this swing door version of him. ¡°What?¡± I pale; my face swept with icy cold and my hand¡¯s pause. Nerves fluttering from low down at a topic I do not want to follow through. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to talk about ¡­ You have knowledge of the highlights.¡± I respond drily, the urge to mp down and stop this direction of conversation kicks in, there¡¯s a mild warning in the back of my brain. ¡°I know bits and pieces, Emma, mostly from getting you drunk.¡± He res at me and it¡¯s almost like another usation. Jesus! ¡°Where is this going?¡± I plead; I don¡¯t want to do this, I don¡¯t want to have this type of psycho babbling conversation with Jake. Especially when he¡¯s being so weird, so pissy. How did we even get to this? Why is he so obsessed over this? Freaking Jekyll Jake and his neck breaking mood swings. ¡°It hurt you.¡± His eyese to rest on me, his face endearing and open. All anger gone, but it only makes me want to cry, so I look away, crossing my arms around my body protectively. His expression ws at my heart. ¡°It¡¯s the past and it should stay there.¡± There¡¯s a strong sting in my eyes but he won¡¯t make me cry again. My heart aching with everything he is trying to pull out of me. What¡¯s wrong with him? Is this what he¡¯s after? Tears, confessions? I move away and turn my back on him, it¡¯s better when I can¡¯t see him. Can¡¯t see that look in his eye. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°Your mom? You don¡¯t talk about her much either.¡± He pushes, his voice gentle. Every part of me screaming, leave me alone, let me be. I hold it all in, closing my eyes. Insides wing desperately to escape this torment. Just hold it together, Emma. Take deep calming breaths. ¡°She¡¯s my mother ¡­ What else is there to say?¡± I say it coldly, hoping he understands that he should back off. ¡°Tell me about her.¡± He obviously ignores the silent plea and decides to just go in for the kill. Thanks, Jake. I¡¯m wary of his crazy mood swings, I don¡¯t want angry and irrational Jake back. I grit my teeth against the urge to tell him to mind his own business and try to appease his curiosity instead. ¡°My mother is a sucker for a sob story.¡± My voice grates every word out painfully,ced with anger and warning. ¡°That¡¯s about all there is to her.¡± So back off. ¡°She has bad taste in men?¡± his voice is closer, so I walk further off, putting the distance back between us a little. Every part of me on high alert; my anger simmering to something more heart wrenching. I hate these kinds of conversations; someone trying toy you bare and uncover your pain. ¡°That¡¯s an understatement,¡± I snap, shielding my despair with anger. Control ¡­ Emma! ¡°Her boyfriends hurt you?¡± his question catches me off guard, his voice nearer yet again, despite my moving away. His fingers move into my hair near my ear. Flexing into my scalp, making me lean into his touch, closing my eyes. I¡¯ve no defenses when he touches me. So much pleasure from such a simple motion, dispersing my rage and hostility. His other hand slides over my shoulder on the other side and down my arm a little. His breath on the back of my neck, between my shoulder des before his mouthes to rest on the back of my head and he sighs. It surrenders me to him, body and soul, my anger draining away. Jake knows how to get under my skin with so little effort. Just a touch. ¡°Some ¡­ Some just wanted to ¡­¡± I can¡¯t say it. I swallow hard. His hand leaves my arm, snakes around my waist, and pulls me into his body smoothly. His mouth moving to my neck gently as he snuggles in and surrounds me. His hair against the side of my face, pulling me snug and close to him. ¡°She didn¡¯t protect you,¡± he whispers against my cor bone, the gentle flutter of his mouth on my skin and the heat from his breath sending a thousand electric tingles through my body. I know I should pull away from him, but I¡¯m memorized by the way he¡¯s holding me, the way my body is sagging into him, losing all control. Floating away on a warm breeze without any pain. The memories ofst night pulling me back and unable to resist the way he makes me yearn to be connected to him. Chapter 66 Chapter 66 ¡°She did what she could,¡± I mumble, even though I know that¡¯s a lie. I¡¯m too lost in the way his nose is skimming my shoulder and neck, my skin erupting with goosebumps. The hand that was in my hair now trailing down my naked arm and wrist and back up. He¡¯s a clever one with all his seductive ways. Lulling me into a sense of soft security, teasing my body so I¡¯ll open up to him. I don¡¯t have the energy to fight it, I¡¯m his captive when he touches me this way. ¡°She didn¡¯t stop bringing men around her child, Miele.¡± His voice takes on a hoarseness and I stiffen. I¡¯ve told myself this, a million times over and over. He¡¯s not saying anything I don¡¯t already know, yet, it still hurts like he¡¯s thrust a knife into my chest; to hear someone else say it. ¡°Why did you leave Chicago? Leave her?¡± his voice has deepened, his hands trailing down my arms and up again, leaving gentle tingles on the surface. His face back in my hair, releasing me a little. I want to melt into him, let him do with my body as he pleases. His touch sending searing pleasure wherever itnds, my eyes still closed and lost in sensation. For once the doubts sliding away. He¡¯s bewitching me to open up and I¡¯mpletely lost to him. ¡°I needed to walk away from all of it ¡­ I needed to save myself because no one else was going to.¡± A tear courses down my cheek while saying it out loud for the first time. It¡¯s bittersweet, yet I sound so pathetic. Heart gnawing with pain. ¡°I think you need to talk to someone about all of this, Emma ¡­ a counselor ¡­ I could ¡­¡± My eyes snap open and I jerk away instantly, spinning to re at him angrily. My mood changing with those simple words that wound me deeply and ignite a fire all over again. ¡°Not a goddamn chance.¡± I spit, all venom returned, defensive andshing out. ¡°I¡¯m not fucking crazy!¡± ¡°Emma, that isn¡¯t what I said,¡± his voice is one of surprise at my reaction, he attempts to put his arms around me again, but I hold out a hand, stopping him. Brimming with fury. He stays back, wariness in his narrowed eyes, my anger spilling out like a burst dam. ¡°Don¡¯t, okay ¡­ You wanted to know ¡­ Now you know, and that¡¯s the end of it.¡± The strength is back in my voice ¡­ PA Emma has returned, and I stalk past him toward the car signaling the end. I can¡¯t look at him, my eyes are drying now, and that steel wall building back up, I¡¯m gaining control again. To be looked at like some broken mental case is too much. I don¡¯t need a shrink. I need him to stop prying. ¡°Don¡¯t do that,¡± he snaps usingly, following me back to the car, close on my heels; he grabs my arm to turn me, but I yank it away. He thinks I need therapy! He thinks I¡¯m some broken, pathetic girl with emotional issues, and he¡¯s wondering why I¡¯m pissed. I knew this was a bad idea, I knew he would see me differently the more he knew. ¡°Do what?¡± I yell, deliberately looking anywhere but him to get away. He grabs my arm again and tugs me around to face him harshly, this time seeding. ¡°Don¡¯t shut me out again ¡­ mp down like you always do ¡­ Not after everything ¡­ I¡¯m sick to death of this never-ending fucking circle.¡± He rages at me. Fire meeting fire. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to tell you ¡­ You just keep pushing.¡± I wrench my arm away, and I¡¯m back in fight mode, ready to push it all back into the ck box in my head and act like it never happened. ¡°Let¡¯s go back to the boat. I¡¯m hungry and I¡¯m tired.¡± I spit. I didn¡¯t know I could sound so cool, amid the sea of emotions swirling around my head. Sending a very loud and clear message that this conversation is over. He lifts his hands as if he¡¯s going to choke me and grits his teeth, his eyes burn, and he paces away from me again, cursing and raging into the open air. I ignore him. I walk to the car and get in, mming my door and buckling up in stony-faced silence. Eventually, he angrily slides into the car and I can tell he¡¯s given up, he knows it¡¯s pointless. My mask is well and truly back in ce and even though his mood ising off him in aggressive droves, he doesn¡¯t look my way. ¡°Conversation fucking over!¡± he mutters to himself and thins his lips; he¡¯s angry. He¡¯s sulking. I don¡¯t care; I don¡¯t want to do this. I re at him then turn away, to stare out of the window as he turns the car in the road and heads back to where we came from at a neck breaking speed that makes me uneasy, but I bite my tongue and say nothing. We don¡¯t talk as we drive; he turns up the stereo loud, indicating he won¡¯t attempt it and I try and rx into my seat. Pretend to anyway. Hard to do when you¡¯re being driven around winding cliffs by a maniac in a temper, with a sports car at hismand. His hand tugs mine out of my hair angrily, biting pain with it and I throw him another furious re. ¡°Stop fucking doing that!¡± he barks over the music, eyes glinting. Nice. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°That hurt.¡± I snap, reaching out to turn it down again. I touch my head where I yanked my own hair painfully, almost out at the root. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to hurt you.¡± He¡¯s talking through gritted teeth, ring even though he¡¯s apologizing. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know why it bothers you so much.¡± I spit at him childishly. ¡°I don¡¯t know I¡¯m doing it.¡± ¡°It bothers me because it¡¯s a sign that you¡¯re anxious ¡­ That you¡¯re nervous or upset ¡­ I don¡¯t like it.¡± He retorts with that same pissed tone and bad mood. ¡°Oh, so you want me to unleash vulnerable Emma, but only if she doesn¡¯t act nervous or anxious ¡­ Makes so much sense.¡± I seethe. He res at me, his jaw tensing, fury meeting fury. The sizzle of static between us causing the air to crackle. He turns away and focuses on the road, gripping the wheel so hard I¡¯m sure it¡¯s going toe off. I hope it hits him square in the face. The journey back to the boat is silent and quick. Helps when your driver thinks he¡¯s Schumacher. Chapter 67 Chapter 67 The others are up on deck,zing around and eating a cold buffet that has been set out on a long, low table by the loungers; it looks awesome and my stomach rumbles, despite the anxious tension between Jake and me. It¡¯s a wee distraction and I head straight for it to pile myself a te, deliberately ignoring him behind me. ¡°Oh, the love birds have returned.¡± Le squeals and almost throws herself into my arms for a hug. I cast her a warning look, but she doesn¡¯t seem to notice. ¡°We went for a drive.¡± Jake¡¯s broody tonees from far behind me, as though he¡¯s still standing at the top of the stairs to the deck, I ignore him. Le casts a worried nce behind me, then back at me, but she keeps her mouth closed. I hear his footsteps as he leaves and heads down to the second floor and I¡¯m relieved. We could do with some time apart to get over whatever this is between us; I can¡¯t even begin to dissect the past twenty-four hours of this trip. So much for a holiday break that would rx us! Le, sensing something is up, goes into overdrive in a bid to distract me. She is infectious, and she soon has meughing, some of the tension easing and I¡¯m good at pretending every is okay on the surface, that Jake isn¡¯t at the forefront of my mind every second. I just want Jake toe back up as rxed and normal and join in. Put this mess away, but he doesn¡¯t re-appear. I¡¯m cool toward the other girls ¡­ Marissa has been watching me with a sour expression on her face since I arrived, and Miracle is lying topless, facing me, pouting and applying her thirdyer of lip gloss. Jesus, put them away. The men are huddled together over one of the double loungers, listening to some gameing from Richard¡¯s cell and making male grunts and moans when something isn¡¯t going well. I assume it¡¯s baseball. Jake reappears half an hourter, changed into a ck fitted shirt and jeans, his usual clubbing look. I love that on him, and it cuts me inside. I just need us to be okay again. He has his shades on, hair spiked, and looks casual as always; even when I¡¯m still mad at him, he makes me ache inside. ¡°Emma, I need you a second.¡± He sounds like boss Carrero and not Jake and I prickle inside but get up dutifully. Well, at least I know where I stand with boss Carrero. I follow and we walk down to the lower floor of the boat, I can sense his tension and stiffness; even at a distance, he¡¯s emanating anger. It makes my stomach drop down to my knees, but I only stand taller and maintain a look of disinterest. sping my hands behind my back to hide the trembling. My stomach twisting and my heart pounding. ¡°I¡¯m leaving for a couple of days ¡­ I¡¯ve left you a credit card in your room in case you want to go out; there¡¯s a car on shore that will take you anywhere you want to go.¡± His voice is t, he avoids looking at me directly. Wait, what? The panic rises in a tidal wave of emotion. ¡°Where are you going? We cleared your schedule for two weeks, so you wouldn¡¯t need to go anywhere.¡± I react instinctively, my voice slightly higher and faster than normal. I¡¯m practically hyperventting because this was never part of the n. He can¡¯t leave me! ¡°Change of n ¡­ Try and rx and have fun. If you can.¡± He almost spits thest words, sarcasm oozing from him and it cuts me like a knife, right to the heart. So, we¡¯re still at this, are we? ¡°Do you need me toe?¡± I reply coolly, in my best PA tone. Pushing everything down and bringing that mask into y. I won¡¯t let him see how much he¡¯s wounding me. ¡°No, I don¡¯t!¡± he¡¯s closed off, face devoid of expression, only his eyes betray him, with anger seething in the glittering green depths. ¡°Jake, you pay me to be at your beck and call and go with you at a moment¡¯s notice.¡± I¡¯m indignant, I don¡¯t want him to leave, I want to know what¡¯s going on. I want to be with him. Know what he¡¯s thinking. I want us to go back to before, and behave like we normally do, like we used to do. ¡°I don¡¯t pay you to watch me fuck other women, Emma.¡± He snarls at me and I recoil as though I¡¯ve been pped. The knife slicing into my chest, causing my body to reel back slightly. He knows how to deliver a low blow. He stalks away from me, toward his room, oblivious but I follow angrily. ¡°What? ¡­ Why are you being an asshole?¡± Why are you going to fuck other women suddenly? You don¡¯t need other women, what happened to your sabbatical? I want to grab him and shake him, bile rising in my throat at the thought of him with someone else. Pushing it down, trying to fight the urge to cry. ¡°I¡¯m redefining the boundaries of our rtionship ¡­ Uncrossing the line. That¡¯s what you called it, right?¡± He tosses back casually. I fall back, but I steel myself. Swallowing my sobs and forcing my face to stay as impassive as I can muster. My body retching inside in agony. Isn¡¯t this what I wanted? Him to go back to him and his women and I return to being just his PA? No! Yes! ¡­ I don¡¯t know anymore. ¡°You think going off to screw someone will uncross that line?¡± The words catch in my throat like steel wool, I feel sick with the pain he¡¯s inflicting. ¡°It¡¯s a start.¡± He turns into his room and pulls a suitcase from the cupboard; I notice he¡¯s already packed a flight bag on the bed, his passport lying beside it. ¡°Got over your little break, I see.¡± I sound cold. The reality is that I¡¯m dying inside, and I want to yell at him. Hold onto him. Beg him to stop doing this, but I can¡¯t. You kissed me, Jake ¡­ twice. No three times. You kissed me and now you¡¯re going to have sex with someone else. ¡°I think that¡¯s probably the reason for thetest tension ¡­ I need to go let off steam.¡± He smirks icily. So devoid of feeling. I don¡¯t know this Jake. I hate this Jake. I want my normal Jake toe back, the one who would never talk to me this way, hurt me this way. My Jake would never abandon me to go off and be a Lothario! So, kissing me was ¡°recent tension¡±? I¡¯ve never known this uncaring and distant angry Carrero. I don¡¯t like it, I don¡¯t like it at all; I want to throw myself at his feet and cry and hold him back from going, but I won¡¯t. I pull my chin up defiantly and push down the hurt, rece it with anger and re, let that trained part of me take over, in all her icy maiden coolness. That old reliable self-preservation kicking in. I have pride! ¡°Enjoy yourself.¡± I turn on my heel, close to tears, inside I¡¯m a chaos of emotions and trauma, but my exterior is calm and unflustered as if this means nothing to me. ¡°Don¡¯t miss me while I¡¯m gone, Tesoro Mio.¡± His voice is oozing with charm. It only stabs at my heart more. Unbearable pain that I won¡¯t let him see. ¡°I won¡¯t,¡± I reply snarkily. Holding myself tall. Fuck you, Jake ¡­ Fuck you, Mr. Carrero. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find something exciting to do.¡± He¡¯s focusing on packing, but his voice is t and emotionless, the cruel and harsh side of him; the first time I¡¯ve ever seen his father within him. I want to p his smug, angry face, with all my strength. ¡°When shall I expect you back, Mr. Carrero?¡± I¡¯m in full PA mode now, I¡¯m making a point, a ¡°you don¡¯t affect me¡± one. If he¡¯s trying to get a reaction out of me with this shocking move, then I won¡¯t let him enjoy it. I won¡¯t let him see that it¡¯s hurting me at all. ¡°When I¡¯m done ¡­ hard to say ¡­ It¡¯s been a while.¡± He sneers without looking up, clearly, twisting the knife harder in my chest. Fuck you¡ªfuck you¡ªfuck you. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. I smile graciously, ten out of ten for acting ability and still the need to clench my teeth. So precise in my mannerisms. His cell vibrates and he slides it out, answering it despite my presence. ¡°Hi ¡­ I¡¯ll be leaving soon ¡­ Yeah, I missed you too, Honey ¡­ I¡¯ll meet you there.¡± He sounds like Casanova Jake of old. The ¡°Honey¡± makes me gag. Oh my god. I want to throw up, but I steel myself against the door frame. Why, Jake, why? ¡°Who?¡± It¡¯s out before I can monitor it, cursing at myself for breaking, showing an ounce of emotion over this. Giving him the satisfaction of knowing he¡¯s got to me. ¡°No one you know. Old me.¡± He closes his suitcase, throwing me a fiery look, warning me to keep going with this, he wants to torture me with details. I can¡¯t bear this. My self-preservation kicks in even more viciously and I smile fakely. ¡°If that will be all, Mr. Carrero. ¡­ I¡¯ll leave you to it. Enjoy your trip.¡± I¡¯m using the door frame as a crutch, but I can¡¯t stand watching this painful scene unfold; he¡¯s going away with some brainless boobs on legs on to screw her for at least two days ¡­ maybe longer. I don¡¯t want him to. I don¡¯t think I can bear this. Chapter 68 Chapter 68 When did this happen? When did my feelings spill beyond friendship this badly? I¡¯ve seen him with other women ¡­ He¡¯s always been this way, when did I start reacting like this? Breaking my heart over him being his Casanova self. ¡°Tell the others, after I¡¯m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.¡± He¡¯s picking up his suitcase, his body stiff with tension and the hatred oozing between us is unbearable. ¡°What reason shall I give?¡± I sound alien. This fake politeness between us, thick in the stifling air. We¡¯re both exceptionally good at cold and polite. ¡°I don¡¯t give a shit, Emma ¡­ The truth for all I care.¡± He flexes his eyebrows sardonically. That was a blow ¡­ it hurt; it knocked the wind out of my sails. I move back as he stalks out with suitcase in hand, he slides his shades on, despite it being duller in here and he doesn¡¯t even look at me; he seems beyond pissed. Should I follow him? Should I stay here? Stop hovering, Emma, it¡¯s pathetic. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. I don¡¯t know what to do, this isn¡¯t me, not anymore. He¡¯s up the hall and out the door in the blink of an eye, obviously determined to leave. I hesitate and follow, I¡¯m not sure why, but I suddenly need to cling to his presence, thest moments of him. I just want him to stop this, he¡¯s making me feel so alone. So, broken. I lose him at the top of the stairs, the sun hurting my eyes. I blink and shield them from view and suddenly I want him to slide his sses over my eyes, the way he always does. I want him to brush my hair back and take care of me. I want the Jake I know and care about, not this cruel cold man who doesn¡¯t give a shit about me. I want to cry as sheer hysteria and panic consumes me. I catch sight of him near the rear of the boat, he¡¯s following one of the crew down to the awaiting speed boat. Oh my god. He really is going, it¡¯s not a ruse. He really wants to kill me. I want to scream out and run after him, but I¡¯m rooted to the spot as I watch him descend into the waiting boat. I can¡¯t bear to see him leave, so I turn on my heel and run back to my room at full speed. I run like my ass is on fire and don¡¯t stop until I m down onto my bed and sob every bottled up, deep wracking emotion, right up from the tips of my toes in a spewing out of desperate agony. I don¡¯t know how long I¡¯m there, but I can¡¯t stop; it¡¯s like a damn has opened and the floodgates break. Everything I¡¯ve ever held back slips out with the pain I¡¯ve always avoided. I can¡¯t breathe, it¡¯s suffocating and unbearable. It¡¯s excruciating and every cell of my body is in bleeding agony. Jake¡¯s breaking my heart. *** Lying in the dark, watching the shadows of the water on my ceiling, I¡¯m still and numb. As sensation as though I¡¯m floating on the ocean directly, but I¡¯m stillid on my bed. It¡¯s night and dark¡­ I haven¡¯t left, and I don¡¯t want to. I¡¯ve cried so much that my body is ravaged and weak. I didn¡¯t know that it could do this to me ¡­ release so much ¡­ doubt ¡­ insecurity ¡­ pain. I haven¡¯t sobbed properly since I was five years old; back then I didn¡¯t cry over heartache, I only knew the tears from physical pain and illness. This is so much worse. Crying over Jake has to be the worst pain I have ever experienced, it leads to breaking down over the way my life has turned out. The way I am. I think of my mother and wonder if she disintegrated like this over the men she dated. Did she break this way over Ray Vanquis when he left? Except Jake never dated me, he never left me in that way. I never experienced her kind of heartache. Ray inflicted more than heartbreak on her. I have no clue what to call this. The thought of that monster makes me nauseous. Did she cry when he beat her to a pulp and left her half-dead on her own floor? Why am I even thinking about this? I never dwell on this, I don¡¯t want to, it¡¯s a thought that makes me ill. I can¡¯t stop though, in my emotional state, the walls in my head have been smashed and I¡¯m not in control of the thoughts and memories flooding in. The memories shing into my mind like a stop motion movie and I¡¯ve lost control. Ray and his ugly, screwed up face towering over my mother, her body broken and bruised after he had raped her, yet again, for making him angry. I witnessed so much cruelty and perversion when she was in a rtionship with him, powerless to stop him and afraid to try. My mind is like an open door, without any ability to stop it; he¡¯s in my head and she¡¯s there, crying on the floor but then it¡¯s not her ¡­ it¡¯s me and I¡¯m eighteen ¡­ memories I¡¯ve tried so hard to push down, for an eternity, breaking through my broken walls and fatigue. The first hit was a punch, a reaction to my self-defensive p when he tried to force a kiss on me, right in the face. It knocked me down, made me groan, my head spin with a warmth spreading over my lips. It wasn¡¯t the first time I¡¯d been punched. I tasted the blood in my mouth, fueling my rage, and tried to get back up, but he hauled me up by the hair and threw me against the wall. He was a big man ¡­ strong and cruel. I had seen the bruises on my mother from being with him, she wouldugh them away uneasily and say he was just a rough lover. Rough was true, he tried to push his tongue in my mouth, and I fought with all my might, but he grabbed my clothes and started to tear at them. My jeans at the waist, bursting the button off, trying to thrust his hand down there. I kicked and bit, wed until the floor was hard against my face with another jarring punch. He yanked my jeans down when I was reeling, hunched over onto the wooden floor. He knocked the sense out of me and I knew what he was going to do, I had seen him hold my mother down this way more than once; she didn¡¯t know I came home and saw it many times. I had hidden in the shadows and slunk away quickly, afraid to intervene. Ray was a devil and he instilled so much fear with his aggression and bulk. He got off on this shit. My pants were around my ankles and he pulled my underwear to follow. I flipped, in terror and rage, turned and twisted and thrust about, trying to save myself from him; his grip was strong, but I had a renewed strength as adrenaline coursed my veins. I managed to gauge his face with my nails cruelly, and it angered him, getting up to rain more cruel kicks on my body. Beating me down. I remember chanting internally, ¡°I¡¯m not going to crumble, I¡¯m not going to pass out, I¡¯m going to fight,¡± in a bid to stay conscious. I reached for the table nearby and it fell, the vase smashing over the top of me; scrambling desperately to grab a piece of it, but he hauled my ankles and dragged me backward, my arm pulled through the broken mess until my blood was smearing the floor, my arms warm with the thick liquid. I kicked with my restrained ankles, knocking him over into the couch and it gave me time to yank my clothes back up and stumble to my feet. I was dizzy and swayed. Chapter 69 Chapter 69 I tried to run, but he was on me with the fury of a psycho, beating me and pushing me into a corner, ckness wrapping around me. I thought he would kill me for sure, but then there was a thud ¡­ a low, empty thud, and he stopped. His face turned nk, his eyes zed over and zoned out and he crumbled to the floor to reveal my mother standing behind him. A huge, twisted, wooden sculpture from the wall unit, held above her head. She red at me, her eyes red rimmed, her face white and bloodless; it¡¯s what I saw in that look that will always haunt me; worse than what he had done, what he had been attempting to do that had finally ripped my heart right out and stomped it to death. The anguish on her face, the usation in her eyes as all I could see was¡ª ¡°What did you do, Emma?¡± I close my eyes against the fresh torrent of tears as I try to push that memory away again and again, but her face stays insistent. My mother always med me for Ray leaving. I was eighteen by then, no longer a child. No longer her sweet innocent little girl, but she saw me as a capable woman who must have given him some sign that I wanted it. She felt betrayed by me; it¡¯s the one thing I¡¯ve never been able to admit to myself. Her jealousy and me. If she believed that of me, then, why wouldn¡¯t I? All of this with Jake ¡­ Has it been because of me? Because I led him to believe I wanted these things from him? How can I recall these things and feel like I asked for them? I didn¡¯t ask for them ¡­ I didn¡¯t ask him to try to rape me, but deep down, somewhere inside, that child is nodding at me and she¡¯s saying: ¡°Yes, Emma, yes you did. Why else would these men, one after the other, try to touch you? Try to take you? You must have done something, Emma. Your own mother believed it.¡± It¡¯s the guilt that I forever shy away from, the shame and misery of my internal battle. It¡¯s what she programmed me to ept. Is this what I do to Jake? Do I make him want to push things further between us? Like them, will he take what he wants, then leave me broken on the floor, the way my mother was left. I was left. Jake isn¡¯t capable of such things, but I must be doing something for it to turn out this way. What has Jake done to me? Why is he doing this to me now? This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. My mind is a messy scramble of thoughts and emotions, half of which make no sense and I¡¯m dying inside. I didn¡¯t drink before Jake Carrero, I didn¡¯t like how it made me feel. Like I lost control. I never kissed men ever, because all it did was bring back memories that make me feel ill. Never wanted anyone sexually, or even felt turned on by anyone before Jake. I never opened up and told anyone the things I¡¯ve told him. I never kicked back and just let go, rxed and had fun, before him. Never took my hair down, let alone cut it. I never cried, and now I can¡¯t seem to stop. Jake has slowly unraveled me, and he has no clue. He has no idea the depth in which he has infected me, changed me. That damn Carrero and his effects on me can¡¯t be reversed. I keep people at arm¡¯s length, even Sarah ¡­ She¡¯s my best friend, yet I¡¯ve never told her anything that would justify that title. I don¡¯t me her for drifting away, because I¡¯ve never given her a reason not to. I know everything about her, yet she knows very little about me. Only what she witnessed at being around me. I was always a closed book. We drifted apart, and I was d. She was my focus, my person to protect and care for, in ce of the mother I was leaving behind. She gave me a purpose, someone to take care of, and when she no longer needed me, I pulled away. I didn¡¯t want her looking at me and remembering who I was. It suited me that I got a job that required devoting all my time and attention to organizing someone else¡¯s life. It¡¯s what I needed, control, calm, organization, safety, and security. Independence and self- reliance. I could focus on someone else¡¯s existence and deny my own. Sarah never really knew the real me, she¡¯d always seen the facade. Everyone has always seen the facade. Everyone except Jake. He broke through theyers. Men have always made me nervous ¡­ despite moving away and starting over. Men have a way of making that wall go up. I don¡¯t trust them, I never have. I don¡¯t trust anyone except myself. Well, I didn¡¯t. Until Jake. Do I trust Jake? I did ¡­ In my own way, but now? Knowing what he¡¯s gone to do, I don¡¯t know anymore. I deserve it. He¡¯s been patient and he tries in a way no one has ever tried, to see through my brave facade. He saw it right from the start, he said as much. I don¡¯t want him to see through it, because if he did and he found this Emma, what would he see? Insecure, troubled, and emotionally all over the ce. What would he do? She¡¯s a broken little girl who flinches when men raise their hands, even though she¡¯s practiced remaining cool. She¡¯s scared of getting so close to anyone, even a friend, in case they rip her heart out like her own parents did. Her first start in life was learning that she could rely on no one. That no one loved her. I can¡¯t even rx and let anyone else look after me, I¡¯m the only one I can rely on. But I let Jake ¡­ so many times, he¡¯s taken care of me. It hurts to remember the countless ways he¡¯s done so over the past months, but that Jake has just walked out on me, gone to hurt me in the cruelest way. Wiping the te clean and ripping the floor from under me. Letting people in just takes away your defenses and they learn how to wound you deeply, like Jake has done now. People say they love you, but they don¡¯t ¡­ it¡¯s the ones who apparently love you, that cut the deepest. So why let anyone love you at all? Why care about him leaving you now? Stop caring, stop crying. Go back to numb, it was always better that way. Loving no one, letting no one in. Let him go close him out and never trust him again. * * * I finally emerge, like an exhausted shell, hours before dawn. I watch the oceanp up and down on the distant beach in the moonlight; the boat is still and quiet and I feel so alone. I wonder where he is, and it slices across my heart cruelly; I wonder who ¡°she¡± is. Don¡¯t do this to yourself, this isn¡¯t worth it. I push it away and try not to dwell anymore. I create a new little ck box in the recess of my mind and push everything in there ¡­ I¡¯llbel this one ¡°Jake¡± and file every single hurtful memory in there. Every kiss, every touch, every tear. Then I won¡¯t just close the lid; I¡¯ll lock it tight and throw it into the deepest part of my crazy mind. That¡¯s what I do when life throws me so much pain and misery. I move on. I stop myself from caring anymore, and that is exactly what I will do to him. He wants to uncross the line, well I will erase the line and build a fucking steel wall, to keep him on the other side. He wants PA Emma back, that¡¯s what he will get. *** He¡¯s been gone more than two days, and I¡¯ve tried his cell so many times. He¡¯s monitoring his calls and I get voicemail almost immediately. I know he¡¯s declining my number and it hurts more than I can bear. I don¡¯t want to email or text, so I don¡¯t, because my pride is bruised, and I won¡¯t beg. I don¡¯t know what to say, I only want to hear him and know he¡¯s still there. I want to know what the hell is going on in that head of his, to know why he¡¯s being this way, and what happens when we go back to work together. I¡¯ve been swimming and reading to distract myself and eating with the others; I¡¯m getting used to them and although Marissa and I give each other a wide berth, I¡¯m starting to warm to the rest of them. Le, as always, is a joy to be around, but I¡¯m mncholy and would rather my ownpany. We went shopping on the maind yesterday and I loved what having a girly friend felt like again. I made sure I abused Jake¡¯s credit card shamelessly, somehow it felt a bit like payback, not that he would care. More money than sense; he would not even blink at it. She showed me how she does her beachy make-up and gave me some tips on how to wear my hair; she¡¯s the girly girlfriend I¡¯ve never had before, and she¡¯s a good distraction. Sarah was never much into female things and shopping. Daniel seems to have changed somewhat, in that he¡¯s treating me respectfully now he¡¯s back on board and fully recovered. I don¡¯t know where the shift happened, but I¡¯m warming to him. We have had many an enjoyable conversation about movies, books, and politics, which surprised me. He seems to have heard from Jake, seems to be in the know, and gave me a knowing look over dinnerst night when Marissa continued to press about his absence. Daniel is an odd one. The yboy, sleazy persona, all round party guy, seems to have slipped a little after his near drowning. He¡¯s been reserved, lessid back. I wonder if this is a Jake-less Daniel, or if the near-death experience has maybe given him something to ponder. He seems somehow, sad. Pensive. I miss Jake in a way I¡¯ve never really evaluated until now. Even when I¡¯m not working and have time off, he¡¯s always on the other end of the cell, sending me frustrating texts and pointless jokes. Sending me songs that make meugh or have some vague meaning in the title or lyrics. His presence has always been looming, until now. I¡¯m getting the cold shoulder. He¡¯s freezing me out and it really hurts; I know he¡¯s punishing me, but I don¡¯t understand why. I can¡¯t stop thinking about him, my mind wandering over memories of him, his face, his body, his mouth on mine. It¡¯s only been days, but the inability to talk to him is making it seem like weeks. I¡¯m so done with crying in bed over him. He¡¯s supposed to be my friend, yet he¡¯s acting like a prize ¡°A¡± asshole. Margo emailed me asking about my trip and I broke as I read it. She¡¯s enjoying retirement, only not as much as she thought she would, and she enquires about Jake; I think she misses him. I think she misses being part of the sixty fifth, and her husband has a newfound love of golf, which she hates. She asks a dozen questions about her golden boy, obviously suffering fromck of Carrero charm and I honestly cannot tell her the truth. I know how she feels. I reply as breezily as I can, being vague and not mentioning that he¡¯s left me here. Not mentioning that we have ceased tomunicate and send it on into the depths of the Interweb. I hover over Jake¡¯s personal email address in my contacts list and then close myptop sharply. No, I won¡¯t lower myself to that. Chapter 70 Chapter 70 It¡¯s now been six days and I¡¯m pretty much done with this boat. I¡¯m done with the people, and the sea, and the silence, I¡¯m going out of my mind. The others like to party every night, and even joining in, I can¡¯t really get in the mood. I don¡¯t drink much without him here; I don¡¯t want to let my guard down and get in that state with no one to put me to bed. No one to watch over me. I smile sardonically at that. Who knew the reason that I felt able to get that drunk and let go a little was because he was around? Ironic really. The one thing he used me of not being able to do and I did it because he was here. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. I check my cell for the millionth time, I guess he really needed to let off a lot of steam ¡­ I wonder how many women it¡¯s taken exactly. It isn¡¯t like Jake to spend six full days with just one ¡­ he doesn¡¯t like any of them that much. In six days, he¡¯s probably seen at least three women, if not more. It¡¯s a sobering thought and I try to squash it back down. I¡¯ve trawled my iTunes list so many times, considered sending him a song and picked more than a dozen, ranging from deep and meaningful, to witty, then angry. I discarded them all, knowing I should leave him alone to simmer, sulk through whatever is wrong with him. This is sheer agony, slow torture. But I have my pride, and he¡¯s bruised it. Pounded the crap out of it, more likes. * * * ¡°Are you sure?¡± Le is pouting at me and I give her a quick squeeze, she cuddles me back. It¡¯s like being hugged by a child; she¡¯s so small, and cute, and adorable. That tug in my chest at leaving her, but I can¡¯t stay here any longer. ¡°Yes, I think I just need to head home.¡± I sigh. I¡¯ll genuinely miss her. She¡¯s the friend I never knew I needed. Infectious and sweet. Like Jake, she has a way of getting under my skin and pulling a different Emma out. ¡°Was it a bad fight?¡± she throws her doe-eyed expression up at me, petting her lip, which only makes me chuckle at her. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I smile and bat her on the head yfully, trying to y it cool. She moves herself to perch on the rail of the boat as we¡¯re standing on deck, watching the early morning water. ¡°You and Jake? Butthead is not answering calls, so I can hardly ask him.¡± She¡¯s blinking at me innocently, not fooled at all. ¡°I told you, he had to go leave for business, I wasn¡¯t needed so he left me here.¡± I lie expertly, PA mask perfectly in ce, despite my wild wavy hair. I reconnected with feeling-less Emma, somewhere along the past six days. ¡°I think you had a fight and he¡¯s off sulking ¡­ Men sulk! Jake not so much, but he¡¯s still capable.¡± She blinks at me. ¡°There was no fight, we¡¯re not together ¡­ I¡¯m his assistant, that¡¯s all.¡± Betrayed by the warmth in my face I hope she doesn¡¯t see rising, I turn back to my bag and push my cell inside, to hide the blush. My luggage is already packed and on deck as I wait for the speed boat toe for me. One of the crew has gone ashore for supplies and is due back any minute. ¡°Men only bring assistants on holiday that they¡¯re screwing, Emma, or if they¡¯re in rtionships.¡± Her tone is serious. Honestly forward, one of her cute qualities. ¡°I¡¯m not screwing my boss, Le. We¡¯re just friends.¡± I¡¯m irritated at how close to a lie that statement hase; I need to go; I have a ne to catch and still have to get ashore. ¡°Are you in love with him?¡± she shes up at me with flutteringshes and a wispy half-smile. I blink at her and swallow hard. ¡°No, I¡¯m not.¡± Am I? I don¡¯t know how I feel anymore, and I don¡¯t want to examine that possibility. ¡°I think you are ¡­ I think he¡¯s maybe in love with you too.¡± She pouts sweetly, her eyes wide with possibility. I shake my head sadly. Well, I know for a fact that¡¯s not true. The fact he¡¯s somewhere, doing god knows what, to other women, is proof of that. ¡°Jake doesn¡¯t do love, Le ¡­ He likes things casual.¡± I point out emptily. A fact I know only too well. Hasn¡¯t he even admitted it? ¡°I¡¯ve seen him in love once,¡± she responds wistfully and looks away from me shadily, as though she¡¯s let a secret out. ¡°You have?¡± I blink hard and my cheeks flush. That stomach lurch of pain at her admission that almost strangles me. ¡°Just friends huh?¡± she watches me with a little smirk on her face. I stay silent and just frown. ¡°I¡¯ve known Jake since I was seven ¡­ Our parents are friends.¡± She¡¯s avoiding my gaze. I wonder why she¡¯s never been on his bed list, if he¡¯s known her all that time. She¡¯s adorable and pretty. I look her up and down and try not to dwell on that tidbit. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine him being with just one woman.¡± I shrug, my insides pounding erratically at the way this is going. Do I really want to hear this? ¡°He was very young ¡­ I think he was maybe fifteen or sixteen ¡­ She was his first real girlfriend ¡­ We don¡¯t get on much.¡± She nces at me shyly, a wicked look in her eye as though she wants to reveal more. I don¡¯t want to know; I don¡¯t like this feeling burning inside of me and I want this conversation to end. ¡°Le, I really have to go. Don¡¯t forget I told you to keep my number and we could meet up sometime.¡± I kiss her on the forehead affectionately, impulsively Jake like and lift my bag. ¡°Yes, yes, I love New York. Just try and keep me away, sassy Ems. Give that boy a good talking to when you get home.¡± She gushes and kisses my cheek, over excited and energetic, a Le trait. The subject change is something she does, flitting from one thing to another in a blink of an eye. I really am sad to be leaving Le behind, I never imagined I would let someone in as my friend the way I¡¯ve let her. Sarah would be shocked at seeing us together these past few days, and I experience a pang of guilt about it as Sarah¡¯s face lingers in my mind¡¯s eye. * * * The ne ride is going to be long so I pull out myptop, drink my ss of water, and try not to dwell on the fact I¡¯ve cut my vacation in the sun short, to go home to New York and Sarah¡¯s sleazy boyfriend in my apartment. I should tell Jake somehow, maybe a text or email, but I don¡¯t want to. If he wanted to hear from me, he would answer my calls. I answer some emails briefly, sort some minor issues out for Rosalie. Now she knows I¡¯m back in work mode I tell her to relieve the temporary stand ins on my return. I can¡¯t concentrate. I dwell on Le¡¯sst conversation and find myself pulling up Google images of Jake in his early teens, trying to see if I can find this mysterious first love. There are so many images of him with women, it brings a pain to my chest and I can¡¯t look anymore. Can¡¯t bear to see the endless pictures of him with gorgeous bimbos. I don¡¯t want to see some ethereal looking woman child that he once fell in love with, I can almost bet that she wasn¡¯t one of the leggy boobs and would stand out a mile. It mustn¡¯t have been serious because she no longer exists. He¡¯s never mentioned her. Not once. Or maybe she is the one that got away and that¡¯s why he never brings her up. Why he nevermits to women. Way to ruin your mood, Emma. * * * My apartment is depressing after living on a luxury yacht for a week and I can smell Marcus in everything, even the air around the front entrance. It makes me cringe. There¡¯s no one home and I¡¯m grateful for that; it¡¯ste, Sarah will be at work and Marcus, god knows where. I leave Sarah a note on the fridge, not to disturb me because I¡¯m jetgged and head to bed. I just want toy down and get lost in a book or movie, anything to keep my head empty and unfocused. I need to wait until my boss decides to finally show face or contact me, to know what the hell is going on. I dwell over the fact he might fire me, for the hundredth time, and shrug. Maybe I¡¯ll quit ¡­ With this job on my resum¨¦ I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll get another PA job quickly. Do I want that? I don¡¯t know anymore. It might be for the best now things have gone south. Chapter 71 Chapter 71 It¡¯s after midnight when I¡¯m woken by the buzz of my cell sliding across my nightstand. I reach out to it, fuzzy from fatigue and blurry eyed, disorientated. ¡°Emma Anderson.¡± I breathe huskily without opening my eyes. I¡¯m on auto pilot. ¡°Where are you?¡± That bark has me sit up with a start. Crap. Jake! He sounds pissed and I¡¯m too frazzled with sleep for this, shocked awake with his surprise contact. ¡°New York,¡± I gulp, suddenly reeling by the fact he¡¯s finally calling me. Is he back on the boat? I get a tinge of regret at leaving. ¡°You¡¯re at your apartment?¡± he¡¯s grumpy and coldly distant. ¡°Yes.¡± Is the only reply I can give; I sound so vulnerable and young it annoys me. There¡¯s a silence and a tension crackling on the line. I rub my eyes in a bid to feel less zombie like, pinch my cheek to waken me up more, hands trembling. ¡°You cut your vacation short?¡± he starts, his voice softer, but still tinged with irritation. ¡°Yes ¡­ I wasn¡¯t in the mood for any more surf and sun, Mr. Carrero.¡± I hope he hears the sarcasm in my voice. Did he really think I would stay out there without him and hang out with his friends for a full two weeks? Again, another agonizing silence. ¡°Good, because we need to be back at it ¡­ The Hunter merger has encountered issues. I need you at the office tomorrow.¡± He¡¯s in business Carrero mode, all affection and humor devoid. ¡°Will you be there?¡± I¡¯m trying to sound as cool as him, but that rising warmth of hope lift its head and I scold it back down. Get a grip, Emma, stop being pathetic. ¡°No ¡­ I¡¯m still elsewhere ¡­ You can handle things for a couple of days.¡± A curt response and I want to cry. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I hate that it sounds childish and weak ¡­ He¡¯s caught me off guard. I¡¯m half asleep and crumbling at the way he¡¯s being, still aching for some of my normal Jake to shine through, but he¡¯s completely gone. ¡°I¡¯ll be back Friday. I want a full report on my return.¡± His tone is still icy and t. I miss my Jake. It¡¯s obvious that whatever he left for, is still in his head, that despite the distance, he isn¡¯t going to talk about it. He¡¯s making it clear that now our rtionship is all business, no hints of care, or friendship, anymore. ¡°Very good, Mr. Carrero.¡± PA Emma raises a haughty head and pushes feeble out of the way. Well fuck you very much, Mr. Cold and Moody, Yes, sure, I shall jump, because you¡¯ve demanded it. ¡°Enjoy the rest of your trip.¡± I press sarcastically, knowing that will only piss him off more. ¡°I intend to.¡± It¡¯s raspy and almost threatening, but it has the desired effect and I¡¯m d he hangs up before the sob surfaces. The wound in my chest turning into a crater. Leaving me alone with a silent line and not even a goodbye. I fucking hate you ¡­ Bastard! I throw my cell across the room, uncaring if I smash it. Screw you! Maybe I¡¯ll resign. I don¡¯t want to work for an ego maniac with a constant fucking hard on anymore. Chapter 26 The office is a wee sight, my assistant, Rosalie, greets me warmly andpliments my hair, tan, and natural highlights. She gushes a little too much at how I look, and I¡¯m forced to coolly look her down, to get her to return to a professional manner. The issues with the merger are nothing and could have been handled by anyone involved, there is no need for me to be here at all. Thewyers have handled mostly everything, and the minor details are rectified in half a morning. I walk through to Jake¡¯s office and dump the files on his desk, I like that they scatter messily, and I don¡¯t bother straightening them. I quell the urge to push over his desk tidy beside them. ¡°Fix them yourself,¡± I mutter and toss his pen on top. It¡¯s fair to say I¡¯m still as pissed as ever and right now; the thought of resignation is swirling in my mind rather childishly. No, if I¡¯m going to do that, I¡¯d rather say it to his face. I wouldn¡¯t want to miss THAT reaction. I have a business lunch with a client that¡¯s been waiting to discuss some points with Jake and assure them that at Mr. Carrero¡¯s earliest convenience, he will arrange another meeting. I smooth over the fine particrs and swell with satisfaction that I¡¯m more than capable of doing his job for him when he¡¯s not around. What do I need him for anyway? To pander to his ego and swat away sexual innuendos all day. Pffft! ¡°Where is my son?¡± the booming voice rips me from my reverie at my desk, as I snap up to see the force that is Carrero senior, stalking in. I stand quickly and gulp quietly. Hell. This guy is like all of Jake¡¯s worst traits, amplified tenfold, and stuck in a far moodier exterior. Less attractive exterior. ¡°He¡¯s away for a few days, Mr. Carrero, sir, he returns on Friday.¡± I smile brightly and smooth down my skirt impulsively as he always makes me feel so nervous. He¡¯s verymandeering in a superior way. ¡°I¡¯m guessing if you¡¯re here, then it¡¯s not on business.¡± He balks at me, and I grimace tightly. The urge to stick my fingers up almost choking me. ¡°I presume it¡¯s a personal trip, yes, sir.¡± I fold my hands gently across my waist and smile brightly, the urge to fidget is strong in his presence, must be a family trait, having that sort of intimidation over me but I hold steady. ¡°He¡¯s ignoring my calls.¡± He rages at me. Well, at least I¡¯m not the only one. He was ignoring Le too apparently, and now Senior. ¡°You tell him I want to hear from him today,¡± he snaps. Well, that might be hard considering he¡¯s also ignoring me. I sulk inwardly. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I answer, fake brightly. ¡°I¡¯m sick of this goddamn sulking fucking distance he¡¯s put between us these past few weeks. He got his fucking merger, so he can fucking talk to me.¡± He erupts at me. mming a hand on my desk and makes me jump in fright. Wow, Carrero is a swearer! I remain impassive, my insides liquifying to melted Jell-O at his booming voice and aggressive manner. ¡°Very good, sir.¡± I smile sweetly and try not to crumble when he throws me that intense re. I catch the family resemnce. That scary, intimidating expression and furrowed brows as he storms back out and I realize my hands are shaking. He¡¯s not a Carrero you want to piss off at all; Jake but with a much worse temper and I am aware that my blood has run icy cold as my legs almost give out from under me. I reach for the office cell and dial in Jake¡¯s number, hand still trembling ¡­ talking to me or not, he has to call his father. I would rather not have a repeat of that little meeting. My nerves would rather not have a repeat. ¡°Jake Carrero,¡± he answers smoothly, and I know he¡¯s aware it¡¯s his own office calling him ¡­ he has caller ID, yet he¡¯s in Mr. Business mode. Maybe that¡¯s why. ¡°Jake. Your father requests a call from you before the close of business today,¡± I sound out smoothly, that inner dance in my chest bounding out to remind me that I miss him. Achingly so. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°Does he now?¡± t toned and disinterested. He doesn¡¯t even question why I used the office cell to call him and not my cell. Hmmmm. I hate that the tension between us is still as thick. I¡¯m shaking, and I have to sit down, his voice, even like this, is pushing me to break inside. I just want it back to how it was. ¡°He was rather verbal about it, so I suggest you call him sooner rather thanter,¡± I add quietly, praying he just calls him, my nerves can¡¯t deal with anymore visits. He scares me so much. ¡°He yelled at you?¡± there¡¯s a hint of annoyance in his voice this time, a slight hope lifting in me that maybe he still cares. ¡°Not directly,¡± I reply softly. ¡°He yelled ¡­ about you ¡­ in my general direction.¡± There¡¯s a tense drawn out silence. ¡°I¡¯ll call him.¡± His tone is even softer, a hint of Jake in there somewhere. Emotion rises in my throat at the slight show of someone I love ¡­ I can¡¯t bear this. ¡°Thank you.¡± My voice is softer too, I push down the urge to exhale heavily and try to think of something else to say, to change how this is between us. I open my mouth to say something, but I¡¯m cut off by him. ¡°Well if that¡¯s all.¡± With that he hangs up. No goodbye, no thank you. Nothing. Just click and the line is dead. I stare at it nkly, silent with shock andpletely miffed all at once. Fuck you very much, Carrero. Asshole. Chapter 72 Chapter 72 I get bogged down with work and end up with the headache from hell, before heading home; it¡¯s been a stressful first day back, and now, more than ever, I¡¯m hating his absence. We¡¯re a team ¡­ We work on all this crap together and we do it well. I¡¯ve never had to single-handedly take over and I don¡¯t like it anymore. I¡¯m angry at him for making me do this. Angry at the way my emotions are up and down, and I can¡¯t stick on hating him or missing him. I know it¡¯s part of my job and I know I¡¯m capable but still ¡­ I detest it. I know more about the Carrero empire than I could have ever imagined, I¡¯ve so many staff at my fingertips it¡¯s terrifying. I converse withwyers, security, HR, and other crazily titled employees constantly, and sometimes I wonder how my head hasn¡¯t self-imploded. I¡¯m only twenty-six and to have so much resting on my shoulders at this age, is a huge achievement. I know I¡¯m good at what I do. But still. Why the hell did I have to find my calling at the side of aplete asshole named Jake, who makes me feelpletely lost without him? * * * ¡°Miss Anderson?¡± I nce up at Rosalie as she stands in my office doorway, so lost in this spreadsheet, my thoughts, and never heard her approach. It¡¯s Thursday afternoon and I¡¯m feeling the strain of another busy day. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°There¡¯s someone at the reception desk who¡¯s asking for you.¡± She seems nervous and moves from foot to foot. Do I make her nervous? I don¡¯t like the fact that I do. ¡°Send them in.¡± I smile brightly, trying to put her at ease. I never used to care about the effect I had on her, but I don¡¯t like the way she¡¯s hovering, or the unsure aura she has about her. Am I that bad to work for? ¡°Not up here, Miss ¡­ down at main reception ¡­ security doesn¡¯t want to send them up.¡± She hesitates. I frown and nce at my watch, I¡¯ve no meetings nned for another two hours so this confuses me. ¡°I¡¯ll go down.¡± I smile and wave her away. Seeing her obvious relief at my calm response. * * * I check over my appearance in the elevator mirror, smooth down my pencil skirt and jacket. I¡¯m back in PA mode with tailored perfection, the only difference being my hair, which softens all of it. I¡¯m getting used to it now, even though it throws off my whole style and often, I catch people staring at me. I move through the building and out toward the main desk at reception. ¡°You¡¯ve someone here to see me?¡± I smile at the faceless red head as she looks me over nkly. ¡°I¡¯m Emma Anderson.¡± She balks, obviously realizing who I am and fumbles; I¡¯ve had this a lot since I returned with new hair. I sigh heavily in irritation and suppress an eyeroll. ¡°Of course, Miss. Anderson, yes. They¡¯re right over there in the waiting area ¡­ The gentleman in the green coat.¡± She points toward the seated area, seemingly flustered. Jeez, do I just have that effect on all of them? How have I never noticed this before? ¡°Thank you. His name?¡± ¡°Ummm, he didn¡¯t leave one, he said you would know him, Ma¡¯am.¡± She looks away quickly aware she¡¯s just peeved me off further. I frown and nod, a little irritated at herck of capability. I move toward therge seated waiting area and run my eyes along the people lurking around waiting for appointments. The green coat has his back to me and does seem vaguely familiar. I hesitate, then move forward, and tap his shoulder gently. It feels like the world stops spinning when he turns, and I¡¯m faced with the familiar blue eyes that resemble my own, that faded gray stubbly face, and crooked mouth, aged but still recognizable. The shifty eyes and awkward posture of that creep from my teen memory. My father. I inhale sharply and step back, trying to conceal my revulsion. ¡°Emma.¡± He grins at me as though we¡¯re old friends and I just openly stare at him, speechless. Momentarily dazed. ¡°I know I shouldn¡¯t have just shown up but ¡­¡± he starts. ¡°Why are you here?¡± I snap, tone as cold and shocked as I feel, cutting him off with a re and raspy voice. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to call you or contact you. I tried before, a few times, but you¡¯re never here. Your cell says it¡¯s cut off.¡± He actually has the nerve to grin again and I wonder if he¡¯s mentally unstable. What the hell? ¡°Why are you here?¡± I repeat, grinding my teeth. Not even taking a moment to point out that I changed my cell number because of him.This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°You¡¯re my kid, Emma ¡­¡± He shrugs, as if that¡¯s all the excuse he needs, my anger simmering under my skin rises a hundred degrees. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you¡¯re aware of that.¡± I realize surrounding eyes have looked up in interest and we are drawing attention to us. People wondering why I am so hostile. Crap. I can¡¯t do this here, too public and we have an audience. PA Emma takes control over shocked and emotional Emma and regains instantposure. ¡°Pleasee with me, we can talk somewhere private.¡± I turn on my heel briskly, gripping my fingers together harshly, my nails biting my flesh and ignore it. I want to throw up, my skin bristles as I sense him move behind me into the elevator and I take my stance as far away as I can. Trying hard to breathe. ¡°You don¡¯t know what it means to me, to actually have you see me.¡± He slurs, a lop-sided grin on his face but it does nothing for me. ¡°Stop talking,¡± I hiss as the doors close on us and face him aggressively now that we¡¯re concealed. Fury revealed. ¡°You can fuck off back to whatever hole you climbed out of, you hear. When I get off this elevator, I¡¯m going to have security remove you.¡± I spit, venom thick and pure in my voice, not concealing my rage. My body barely concealing the anger running through me, or the revulsion at his presence. ¡°Emma, please, I¡¯m your dad,¡± he whines, defensively lifting his hands. His eyes widening in disbelief at my sudden change in demeanor. So clueless. ¡°No, you¡¯re fucking not!¡± It takes more than a sperm donation to be a father! He steps back blinking, but I have nothing but seething fury and anger growing from deep within, hatred consuming me like a burning ball of wrath in my stomach. ¡°You think I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re here?¡± Iugh sarcastically. ¡°You think I¡¯ve lucked out and got myself a rich man in Jake Carrero ¡­ He¡¯s my fucking boss, okay? So, boo on you ¡­ I get paid a wage, like everyone else. A normal fucking wage, that doesn¡¯t even touch on any sort ofvish lifestyle. I am nothing to him except his assistant.¡± I sneer at him. The urge to shake himing over me and tears hitting the backs of my eyes as I am wed with devastation. ¡°No, no ¡­ I¡¯m not here for that, really.¡± He scrambles, his eyes darting anywhere but on mine, he looks confused. Dare I say it ¡­ Disappointed. Yes, that¡¯s right, asshole, squirm! ¡°Really?¡± my voice is dripping with hatred, unconcealed disbelief that he would stoop this low. ¡°I just want to get to know you ¡­ I missed so much.¡± He¡¯s iling, he knows he¡¯s dive bombing, his voicecking conviction. His eyes searching the elevator for a point to focus on. ¡°You¡¯re a fucking liar ¡­ You had your chance when I was fourteen ¡­ Where were you for thest twenty odd years?¡± I bite. Emotion stinging my eyes, heart aching badly as I try to reign it in. ¡°I was, uummm, ehhh.¡± He¡¯s raking his hand through his hair evasively. Probably shocked that I¡¯m nothing like my mother. If I was, I would be lying in a bed beside her in Chicago, thanks to Ray Vanquis. The elevator pings and the doors opens, but no one¡¯s there to walk in. I turn on him again unable to calm down at all. Chapter 73 Chapter 73 ¡°What do you really want? Be honest ¡­ I might actually give it to you if you are.¡± I test him. He has the grace to look ufortable at least, and shiftily looks away. I can smell booze at this distance and it¡¯s the first time I notice the yellow stained whites in his eyes. Maybe he¡¯s a drunk. Maybe it¡¯s drugs. I don¡¯t care! ¡°I could do with a little help out ¡­ Get back on my feet, you know?¡± he answers sheepishly, barely able to look at me. ¡°You mean money?¡± I grit my teeth so hard it hurts my jaw. His face flushes and he nods. ¡°What is my middle name?¡± I snap suddenly. My frayed emotions kicking in and teen Emma sliding out impulsively. ¡°Ummm.¡± He moves back, blinking hard. ¡°What is my birth date?¡± I yell, this time loudly, voice shaking. He gulps and tries to look anywhere except me. ¡°Do you even know what age I am?¡± I scream in his face, fully erupting as his inability to answer consumes me and myposure dissolves. He looks like he¡¯s going to run. I throw my hands up in exasperation and turn away before I truly explode. ¡°How much money do you need to get the fuck away from me?¡± I am so beyond mad I can barely think straight, heart pounding through my chest and head aching badly. I just want to curl up and cry right now. Body in full trembles. ¡°If it¡¯s like that, then as much as you can spare.¡± He whispers, there¡¯s a hint of sess in his tone that hits like a final spear in my chest. Splicing agony. I¡¯m floored. I can¡¯t even formte a response; It rises up inside of me like a volcano about to blow out spectacrly. All-consuming, pushing down any rational thought, after the week I¡¯ve had, the month I¡¯ve had. The heartbreak I have sobbed through. Theck of self-worth because of men like this shithead right here. I spin and impulsively p him hard across the face, with the force of all my pent-up emotions of the last week and all the shit Jake has put me through. The strength of the impact stings my hand and I recoil, gasping in shock as it reverberates like a throbbing pulse through my wrist, shaking me back to sense. What the hell did I just do? His eyes are huge, and he falls into the corner of the elevator with the sheer force of my smack. I¡¯ve never actuallyshed out and hit anyone just like that, with unprovoked violence. I can¡¯t talk. I¡¯m in as much shock as he is at what I just did. I just shake my head, words catching in my throat as I stifle a sob and run for an escape. The doors are still open, and I blindly move with speed, immersed in a surge of hysteria. I head for the stairs, kicking off my shoes erratically and hurtle past a couple of shocked suited women, in passing. I hit the stairwell in its gloomy darkness, tumble clumsily down a few steps, hurting my ankle and sink down onto the cold metal to let loose. My chest caving in, and I¡¯m struggling for breath. My head is a jumbled mess of confusion, adrenaline coursing through me savagely and I wail with pain as the tears begin to cascade. I clutch at my head yanking my hair as though to calm the chaos. I just assaulted a man in the elevator of my high-profile workce! I¡¯m pretty sure security have cameras in there and I¡¯ve probably just broken about tenws. I can¡¯t get up. I can¡¯t make my legs work. My breathing isbored as the sheer panic at what I have done sets in and my body is unresponsive to mymands. Why did he have toe here? Why did he have to ask me for money? Why couldn¡¯t he just leave me alone? My mind spirals out of control, my body turning into a mass of shakes and shivers, the realization dawning on me like hitting a brick wall. The tears increase to fall thick and fast, realization I have literally, single-handedly destroyed my career, over someone who was always supposed to love me. Why did he have to do that? Could he not pretend, even for one minute, that I was worth more than money? Genuinely want to know me? As much as I hate him, it still crushes me to know that the only value I have, to my own biological father, is in how much cash I can give him. I break down fully, howling, and falling to pieces. I can¡¯t breathe, this pain is too much and now to top it off, I¡¯ll be fired for sure. The only worthwhile thing in my life, and I go and do something that is sure to get me dismissed. Blinded by tears, all logic gone, I pull my cell out of my jacket, without thinking, I dial Jake¡¯s number with vibrating fingertips; tears coursing down my face and my nose running wildly. I can¡¯t think straight, I just need to feel grounded again, to feel safe. I need to hear his voice. I need my Jake to do what he always does and bring me back from the brink of hysteria. It rings twice, and he answers ¡­ even seeing it¡¯s me. ¡°Hello.¡± Oh my god¡ªhe answered. I cradle the cell tighter to my face, stifling my sobs to try and talk. The wave of relief hitting me hard like a punch in my gut and I am momentarily stunned that he actually picked up. ¡°Emma?¡± he seems concerned before I even speak, he must be able to hear my heavy breathing and pathetic sobs and sniffs. I¡¯m hardly quiet. ¡°Jake I ¡­ I.¡± I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m doing, I can¡¯t get the words out. I don¡¯t want him to be mad at me anymore, I need my friend, I need my Jake. I¡¯m so desperate for it that it physically hurts. I have no idea what to say, or that I should even be calling him, but it was automatic, like breathing. ¡°Are you crying?¡± that shocked tone is a wee relief. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°Please don¡¯t fire me.¡± I sob, it¡¯s the only rational thing which forms in my head. I¡¯m wiping my face with my sleeve, but it¡¯s pointless as the tears are falling fast and endlessly. There goes my make-up. ¡°I¡¯m not going to fire you ¡­ Emma. Is that why you¡¯re crying? Is that what you think? Where are you? What¡¯s wrong?¡± He has my Jake¡¯s normal voice, his tone concerned; a little more than concerned. He sounds worried. It makes me break more so; I miss him so much, it¡¯s killing me. ¡°I hit him ¡­¡± I whisper painfully, ignoring his questions. I¡¯m ashamed of my own admission but I can tell Jake the truth. ¡°In the elevator.¡± I know I¡¯m barely coherent. I need to calm down, take some deep breaths, bring the hysteria to a more manageable level. ¡°Hit who? Emma has someone hurt you?¡± his voice is panicked, he sounds odd, angry; but not at me. The same anger he had before he beat Ray to a pulp. I wonder if he thinks Ray¡¯se back and it softens the pain. Knowing he cares. ¡°Yes ¡­ No ¡­ Yes.¡± I¡¯m so confused. He hurt me, just not physically. But it hurts so much. ¡°Emma?¡± his voice bes strained, he¡¯s trying to keep his emotions in check, he¡¯s trying to get me to talk sense and pick out the details he wants. ¡°Where are you exactly?¡± ¡°I¡¯m in the stairwell of Carrero H..H..House,¡± I stutter and sniff loudly, gasping in much needed air. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I crumble again, in pieces andpletely useless. He has no idea how it feels to have him talking to me again. The way my heart has flourished, pushing a ton of weight away. He sounds like my Jake. ¡°Listen to me, Miele,¡± he soothes gently. ¡°Look around, there should be a sign with the floor number, at every entrance.¡± He¡¯s tense, and I¡¯m d ¡­ I want him concerned. I want his care. I don¡¯t want mad, cold and cruel. I want my Jake toe back, my real Jake. The one who looks after me. Just his voice is calming me down and the tears have stopped spilling so vehemently. I take a deep breath to steady myself, patting my face on my sleeve, not caring about the mess that it leaves. I look above me, up the small flight of stairs I¡¯m sitting on and locate the white sign high on the wall over the exit. ¡°Floor thirteen,¡± I sniff and swallow back the tears that are lingering, gaining some control, and wiping moisture from my chin with the back of my hand. ¡°I¡¯m going to send security to get you, stay on the line Emma, I¡¯ll be one-second. I promise. I won¡¯t leave you,¡± he pleads gently, and the irony is not lost on me. I cradle the cell to my ear as though my life depends on it, the only contact I have with him, and the version of him that I have been pining for. My line goes quiet; I¡¯m calmer, but I can¡¯t stop the fresh tears pouring down my face silently. This time they¡¯re tears of relief, because he¡¯se back to me. Jake is being Jake. ¡°Emma?¡± He finally returns, and I let my breath out, unaware I have been holding it in the tense gap. Chapter 74 Chapter 74 ¡°I¡¯m still here.¡± I¡¯m quiet and weak all over. I guess opening up this damn of tears has caused considerable damage, I can¡¯t seem to stop them nowadays. ¡°Who hurt you, Be?¡± his voice is soft and gentle. His pet name causes another fresh tear to roll down my face. ¡°You need to tell me who he is, so I can have them sweep the building.¡± He coaxes gently and firmly, sounding so warm and safe to me right now. ¡°I hate him ¡­¡± I whisper softly, the child in me making herself known. I sit in silence for a moment. My throat constricting painfully but I am starting to pull through. ¡°Talk to me, Emma ¡­ Please. I can¡¯t stand this.¡± Pleading and gentle. Jake¡¯s irresistible to me right now, I wouldn¡¯t deny him anything when he is back to being the man I miss so very much. The one I can rely on. ¡°My father ¡­ He came here.¡± I sniff, wiping away residue tears, starting to gain control over them too; he just calms me effortlessly and he has absolutely no idea. He¡¯s my lifeboat in a storming sea. ¡°To the offices?¡± a startled response, much like mine was. ¡°Reception, on the ground floor.¡± I swallow and sit up, able to take a steadying breath, my voice getting stronger. ¡°What did he do, Be?¡± his voice is barely above a whisper. Treating me like fragile ss. God, Jake, I need you so much. ¡°He asked me for money ¡­ To stay away from me.¡± I smirk bitterly through the pang it causes and laugh sardonically. I sound heartbroken. Maybe I am. There¡¯s a deathly silence then curses quietly, calling my biological an awful name. Jake at least gets it. ¡°I pped him in the face ¡­ My hand hurts.¡± I drop my eyes down to the bright red skin on my palm and the throb it¡¯s emanating. It was worth it. ¡°I would have broken his neck,¡± he snarls. ¡°Emma, you need to calm down, okay. I¡¯m getting on the first flight back, Bambino ¡­ I¡¯ll be home as soon as I can get there.¡± The genuine affection in his voice causes a fresh wave of tears, more relief. I want him home more than anything in the world and he¡¯s finallying. ¡°Why did you leave me?¡± ites out before I can stop it, emotion fueled. Desperation at finally having normal Jake back. ¡°Don¡¯t talk about this now ¡­ When I¡¯m home.¡± He breathes, as mene into the stairwell, feet nking on the floor and door creaking; they call my name out from above. ¡°Security is here.¡± I whisper and hear him sigh with relief. ¡°Go with them ¡­ show them what he looks like on the security footage, then I want you to go home ¡­ to my apartment. Stay there until I¡¯m back, wait for me.¡± Bossy Carrero is back, but I won¡¯t argue, this is who I need. I won¡¯t even refuse going to his ce, I want to be there when he gets back. ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Emma?¡± he adds as an afterthought. ¡°What, Jake?¡± I pause. ¡°You won¡¯t get fired for pping that fucker in the elevator. The tapes will be wiped ¡­ I¡¯ll deal with him myself.¡± The gruffness of his voice is reassuring; I sigh, sniffing and finally calm my tears. Relief that he will take care of everything, like he always does. The man above me on the stairs is holding my shoes out to me and I ept gratefully, the other offers a hand to help me up. I¡¯m suddenly aware of the mess I¡¯m in, a little self-conscious now at being caught by two strange men this way. ¡°I need to go now,¡± I whisper into the cell reluctantly. I don¡¯t want him to go. ¡°Put one of them on,¡± hemands gently so I hand the cell to the one holding my shoes. ¡°He wants to talk to you.¡± I hold it out and he epts, and promptly puts it to his ear. ¡°Yes, Mr. Carrero?¡± ¡­. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± He nces at me and away again. ¡°Right away, sir.¡± ¡­.. ¡°As soon as she identifies him.¡± ¡­¡­ ¡°Understood!¡± ¡­¡­. ¡°Yes, sir, She¡¯s ¡­ She¡¯s calming down.¡± He looks me over again, this time I frown at him. Fully calm and back in control of my faculties, but I just feel drained. ¡°Okay, sir.¡± He hands the cell back to me and I notice it¡¯s still in call mode, I put it back to my ear. ¡°It¡¯s me,¡± I utter softly. ¡°Go with them, do as they say ¡­ I¡¯ll be back as soon as I can. Try not to think about this until I¡¯m home.¡± I tell him I need to go, calmer and grounded. Commandeering Carrero has taken control and suddenly there¡¯s nothing but fatigue. I say goodbye before I hang up; a wash of warmth, relief overtaking me. My Jake ising back ¡­ He¡¯sing back for me. He¡¯s going to make it okay again. He makes everything okay. * * * Laid in bed in my room at Jake¡¯s apartment, I have dozed in and out of sleep, listening to distant sirens and noises from afar. The calming hustle and bustle of Manhattan. It¡¯ste, I¡¯m tired yet I¡¯m not. I¡¯m somewhere between dosing, and over thinking and restless. The housekeeper has retired to bed and the apartment security is out wandering the outer halls again. I¡¯m aware of the faint sound of a crackling radio asionally although they never really venture inside the main part of the apartment, but I like knowing they¡¯re out there. Jake isn¡¯t one for much security, but his father insists. He doesn¡¯t see the need for it when he¡¯s home, he rarely uses it when we¡¯re on business either. I guess he knows he¡¯s capable of beating the crap out of most assants, seeing as boxing and martial arts are some of his past times. I¡¯m uneasy and antsy, I know he¡¯sing home, and I¡¯m afraid about how we left things. Will he look different to me now? Knowing that he¡¯s been ¡­? I don¡¯t want to think about what he¡¯s been doing. There are voices in the apartment suddenly. Distant, but they¡¯reing in. I¡¯m not sure why they would be ¡­ Oh wait! It¡¯s Jake¡¯s voice, he¡¯s home! I don¡¯t know what time it is, but he¡¯s really home. I can¡¯t control the wave of euphoria or buzz of energy this gives me. I sit up in bed and wait, I¡¯m not sure if I should go see him or stay in here; I¡¯m suddenly shy and nervous and apprehensive. Don¡¯t be stupid. I scold myself. I ignore the little voice trying to remind me of how things were thest time I saw him but squash it. I let myself out of my room quietly and pad along the hall toward the noise, it¡¯s one of the security men and ¡­ I freeze. All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. There¡¯s a leggy red head standing a couple of feet away from Jake, looking bored, but I recognize her instantly. She¡¯s one of ¡°his¡± Leggy Bimbos and it hits me like a sucker punch. I hadn¡¯t expected this ¡­ It causes a heavy pain in my chest, that I immediately push down and gulp down the sudden nausea it brings with it. What the hell? Is that who he¡¯s been? I don¡¯t want to know. I don¡¯t want to see. I lean against the wall in the shadows grasping for a steadying breath, my heart shredding to pieces. He¡¯s Jake Carrero. This is how he is; this is how he always is. I need to forget all that crap on the boat and get a grip, put the mask back on ¡­ Please put it back on! ¡­ I can¡¯t! Its fallen on the floor and broken into a million pieces today and I can¡¯t find any crazy glue to piece it back together. I¡¯m left vulnerable and I hate it. This isn¡¯t me. I stare at my hands in the dark watching them tremble, then my body follows suit. ¡°Is she asleep?¡± his deep voice rumbles through the pain in my heart and pulls my gaze back towards the voice. Jake ¡­ Why do you have to sound that way? Why did you get a voice that can ravage me with only a few words? I¡¯ve missed it, he sounds so clear, and close, and touchable. ¡°Yes, sir. She went to bed almost as soon as she appeared.¡± One of the men reply quickly, almost apologetically. ¡°How did she seem?¡± Jake sounds tired. My arms ache to be wrapped around that voice but I¡¯m so hurt by him. ¡°Upset, sir.¡± ¡°How did she look?¡± Jake sounds apprehensive anyway. ¡°Unlike her normal self, Mr. Carrero.¡± I realize he¡¯s talking to Mathews, his head of security. I like him, he always smiles and greets me with a warm look. A man who looks a little George Clooney, yet completely capable of snapping necks. ¡°Was she still crying?¡± Jake sounds like he cares, maybe he does, except he brought home a y mate, so he doesn¡¯t care that much; I ponder sadly. ¡°No, sir. She just looked exhausted.¡± Mathews is certainly observant, and I wonder if I still look that bad. ¡°Did she eat?¡± Chapter 75 Chapter 75 ¡°No, sir, Nora said she skipped dinner and went straight to bed.¡± It feels weird listening to people talking about me in that way. As if I¡¯m a broken child and not really here. ¡°That¡¯s all ¡­ Thank you.¡± He dismisses him and I slide back along the hall to my room to stand by the door; my room is at the opposite end of the apartment to his, he won¡¯te here so I¡¯m sure I¡¯m safe. I lean my head back against the cool surface and close my eyes. I want to wrap myself around him and forget everything but the feel of him, close out everything else including the red head. I remember how that feels. I need it more than I ever imagined I would; I miss his touch and even while he¡¯s close, I feel alone still. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice is rmingly near. I snap up and catch sight of him standing a few feet away. Shit. He never ventures down here. ¡°Uhuh¡± I answer nervously, my heart pounding from the fright at being caught like this and ovee with awkwardness. ¡°I came to see if you were still asleep ¡­ Why are you standing there?¡± There¡¯s only normal Jake in his voice. Jake my friend. As though the past week hasn¡¯t happened. ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure if I wanted toe through or not.¡± So, I¡¯m Miss. Honesty now, am I? I¡¯m too drained to pretend. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± he coaxes gently,ing to stand only two feet from me. His closeness making me antsy and we both seem uneasy. My nerves rising up, now that he is really here and appraising at me. ¡°Detached,¡± I utter shyly; he frowns, evident even in the shadowy hall and I nce away and sigh. This is harder than I thought it could ever be. ¡°You look tired ¡­ Go back to bed.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve slept enough. I can¡¯t sleep anymore.¡± I sound drained and empty; I pull my hair across my cheek and twirl it absent-mindedly, the soft touch on my skinforting me. Partly trying to conceal my nervousness, now he¡¯s here. ¡°I was worried about you, Miele.¡± He moves closer, narrows his eyes, and gently tugs my hand from my hair, keeping his fingers wrapped around my closed fist and pulls it down between us to hold. His skin on mine is likeing home. It breaks my heart. He has no idea that he can do this to me. ¡°You would have been impressed ¡­ I think I left a permanent handprint on his face.¡± I smirk quietly, covering the way his touch makes me weaken, sobering my mncholy. ¡°How¡¯s your hand?¡± he turns it over in his grasp, using his other to tten my fingers open while he examines it, seeing nothing there. His thumb crosses the skin of my palm lightly, achingly gentle. His touch like a balm. ¡°Sore.¡± He nces up at me. It does throb still. A burning reminder, yet there are no marks. ¡°Do you want painkillers?¡± ¡°Not that sore.¡± I attempt a smile and chew on my lip. ¡°Do you want to talk about it?¡± his brows narrow, a small, encouraging smile tugging his mouth. ¡°Not really. I just want to forget.¡± I let out a slow sigh and shrug it off hinting that he shouldn¡¯t push. ¡°Do you want a hug?¡± his eyes never leave mine. I dart up, startled at his question and flush shyly; I shrug awkwardly, amazed that he would even offer, after everything; days of being that way toward me and yet here he is. As though nothing has happened. He pulls me by my wrist and wraps me in his arms solidly, molding me to him. He rests his lips against my temple as I sag into him. This feels too good, but this is what I need, this is what I¡¯ve missed. I snake my arms around his waist, fully enveloped in one of the best hugs I¡¯ve ever felt in my life. I could stay this way forever, inhaling him, his warmth around me like a security nket. It just makes all the anger, pain, and chaos drift away like a dream. Forgotten. We both exhale heavily, releasing the tension fully. ¡°I hate fighting with you, Emma.¡± He croons into my hair, and the tug of tearse back. Oh, no you don¡¯t! No more, I¡¯m done with all that. I¡¯ve poured enough emotion out this week and I don¡¯t think I can handle anymore tonight. I mentally shake myself to pull it together. ¡°I hate it too.¡± I nuzzle into him as he tightens around me reassuringly. Inhaling him slowly. ¡°How was your vacation? Even though you bailed a week early?¡± His voice is low and husky, it does things to my insides and I bury my head against his chest. My hair falling over my face to conceal my expression. ¡°Lonely.¡± I admit and he sighs again. ¡°You weren¡¯t alone though.¡± There¡¯s a tinge of regret and I can¡¯t stay mad at him anymore. He¡¯s always had this ability to make me forgive him. No matter what. The curse of Carrero and his damn spell over me. ¡°I guess ¡­ I like Le.¡± I admit with a shrug, staring down at his t stomach. ¡°Me too ¡­ We¡¯ve been friends since forever ¡­ She¡¯s probably one of my few female friends.¡± He admits. ¡°You have lots of female friends.¡± I tease, finally lifting my chin to look at him properly, our eyes meet as all the awkwardness slowly disperses and there¡¯s just us¡­. Back to normal. ¡°No. I have dates ¡­ I have very few female friends, and no, I haven¡¯t slept with Le ¡­ She¡¯s my friend, nothing else.¡± He moves his forehead to mine, resting easily against me, it feels so natural. Natural, yet agony to be this intimate again. ¡°You don¡¯t sleep with your friends?¡± I¡¯m surprised, considering we almost ¡­ ¡°No, I don¡¯t, Le is like a kid sister to me. She was around a lot when I was young ¡­ It wouldn¡¯t feel right.¡± He shrugs it off. Did that mean that sleeping with me might have felt right? I push it out of my head along with the warmth rising up my cheeks. ¡°She said you had a proper girlfriend, when you were young ¡­ fifteen?¡± I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m even bringing this up ¡­ Somehow, I want to hear it from him. I want to know if he had ever loved. Despite the warning pain in my stomach. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. ¡°Good old loose mouthed Le! ¡­ I did ¡­¡± He watches me warily and I glimpse evasive Jake. I was right, the times I thought I imagined this, he was hiding this little piece of history from me. Why? ¡°You don¡¯t want to borate?¡± I coax gently but my heart rate has elevated. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to borate on ¡­ I had a first love ¡­ We dated for a year, she wasn¡¯t my first sexual encounter, and then it was over.¡± He shrugs, still holding me, but loosely now. ¡°So, it was love though?¡± My ribs constrict painfully. ¡°I guess ¡­ maybe.¡± He deflects again, his handing up to my hair and ys with a wavy strand. Distraction as focus which means he¡¯s ufortable talking about this. ¡°So why didn¡¯t itst?¡± I hate that I¡¯m asking, that his evasiveness is making me question him, but something in me needs to know. Obsessively so. ¡°I was sixteen ¡­ she was fifteen ¡­ do the math. Kids ying at rtionships.¡± He slides his fingers down the length of hair he¡¯s ying with, rubbing its softness between his fingertips. I wonder if he¡¯s doing it to distract himself, or me. ¡°Do you still talk to her?¡± Why do I even care? I guess knowing there has been someone he loved bothers me more than it should. ¡°Can we not do this, Emma?¡± he inhales deeply, the definite peek of tension in him again. ¡°Go to bed ¡­ We have a busy day if you¡¯re up to it?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I mutter, but he pulls me close again, hugging me tightly one more time. His arms around my shoulders now, so my head is mostly squished with a squeeze then he rxes. Kissing me lightly on the top of the head, the way a sibling would or a parent. He turns me slowly then shoves me back into my room with a yful force, catching me off guard so I stumble. Reluctance across his face, reced with that sudden cheeky Carrero grin. ¡°Hey!¡± I yelp and swat at his hands, instantly outraged. ¡°Feisty!¡± He grins. ¡°p one shithead out, and suddenly you¡¯re karate kid?¡± Heughs at me and it¡¯s the best noise in the world. I mock re at him, but he just tweaks my face in a juvenile fashion and pushes me further into my room with an easy motion, following with his head around the door, pulling it against him to keep me trapped in here. ¡°I¡¯m d you¡¯re okay ¡­ I didn¡¯t know what I wasing back to ¡­ You sounded ¡­ Not like you.¡± There¡¯s apprehension as he speaks but he smiles reassuringly. If only he knew that I have been that way in his absence, on the boat, that whole time. ¡°I¡¯m made of tougher stuff, Carrero.¡± I bow lightly. ¡°I never doubted that, Miss. Anderson ¡­ now go back to bed. We have work tomorrow if you¡¯re sure you¡¯re okay?¡± I nod with a convincing smile, but then I remember leggy red head waiting out there and it¡¯s sobering ¡­ He wants rid of me, so he can go y in his bedroom and left off ¡°steam¡±. We¡¯re back to old Jake once more and our previous rtionship ¨C just like he wanted! All the happy bubbles inside of me pop and dissipate as I realize that this is how it is always going to be. Chapter 76 Chapter 76 It¡¯s amazing what the human heart can endure when you have a will like mine. It¡¯s amazing how you can bounce back, like you were, no matter what life throws at you. It¡¯s amazing how many masks I must keep in my back pocket for when one gets smashed into a thousand pieces so I can slide a new one on. We¡¯re on a ne already, and I¡¯m cool and controlled and acting like yesterday never happened. Red head is gone, thank god, and Jake seems like the normal good old Jake from before our vacation. The past week or so erased from memory. Just like that! All is almost right with the world if I can just ignore all of that. Forget all the tears, and ignore the crazy way he makes me feel, that I can no longer honestly say is tonic. He¡¯s on his cell, despite me ring at him about using it on the ne. ¡°Yes, that¡¯s right.¡± He waves his hand at my expression, dismissing me as I picture us crashing into the ocean. ¡°No, it doesn¡¯t need his permission, it¡¯s my money.¡± He sounds annoyed with whoever he is talking to. ¡°Exactly as I sent you.¡± He frowns into space and I go back to working on myptop. ¡°As soon as.¡± ¡­ ¡°Let me know if there¡¯s any more contact.¡± He slides his phone off and chucks it down, giving me a wary nce, yet says nothing. I¡¯m working through a document and go back to being absorbed, ignoring him. I hate flying ¡­ It¡¯s boring, stressful, and I¡¯ve done enough of it tost a lifetime these past few months. Life has just reverted toplete normalcy overnight. I¡¯m not sure how to feel, but it¡¯s better than his absence and his anger. ¡°You look serious.¡± He¡¯s appraising my profile as I stare at my screen and try my hardest to block him out. ¡°I¡¯m working.¡± I try and ignore that probing gaze. ¡°So, it¡¯s your serious work face?¡± I can almost hear the smile in his voice and squint up at him ¡­ He¡¯s in yful mode and I just sigh in response. Great, that¡¯s all I need; he can be irritating in this mood, when we¡¯re stuck on a long ass flight. Think bored child without any toys, and only me to upy him. ¡°Aren¡¯t all work faces serious, Mr. Carrero?¡± I respond sassily yet tly, refusing to be distracted. Still notpletely back to normal with him but trying. ¡°Yours is especially serious this morning,¡± he teases, pinching my cheek annoyingly and I quell the urge to react. Lord help me. ¡°Perhaps it¡¯s having me up and on a ne before sunrise, boss.¡± I¡¯m trying so hard to stay focused on my screen and ignore his invasive hands or I will never get this done. ¡°Perhaps.¡± He¡¯s smirking, I can see it from the corner of my eye. He leans out and closes myptop almost on my fingers. I flinch, pulling them away quickly, ring at him icily. ¡°I haven¡¯t saved that!¡± I point out. ¡°It saves automatically.¡± He shrugs knowingly, and I pout at him as I go to open it again, but heys a hand on it firmly. ¡°Leave it ¡­ We have a long flight ¡­ I want you to rx.¡± He slides down in his chair as though demonstrating what rxed looks like. ¡°It¡¯s important,¡± I stress. Irritation rising. Only I could have a boss who doesn¡¯t deem his ownpany¡¯s business as important. ¡°It will keep.¡± His tone firm, the flicker of irritation makes me back down wary of him still being touchy under the surface. ¡°Okay, fine ¡­ You¡¯re the boss ¡­ How shall I rx, Mr. Carrero?¡± I sulk as he lifts a hand to the attendant and shees over with the tray of champagne, he takes two and hands me one with a nod. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°Why is it always alcohol with you?¡± I sigh and sip it anyway. So not in the mood to refuse him. ¡°Proven method. I stick with what works.¡± He raises his eyebrows cheekily, all hints of annoyance gone so quickly. ¡°The resurface of drunken Emma?¡± I¡¯m still pouting, my tone tight as I say it and I can feel his grin without looking. Asshole! ¡°Maybe just tipsy Emma ¡­ She¡¯s nice too.¡± He winks my way naughtily. ¡°Hmmm.¡± I¡¯m unimpressed. ¡°Or just Emma ¡­ I like Emma just as much.¡± I flicker a nce at him and turn away, unsure how to read the distant look in his eyes. He¡¯s being unusually nice all of a sudden. Guilty conscience? ¡°Maybe Emma and her other Emmas don¡¯t like you much anymore.¡± I mutter quietly, averting my gaze to the bubbles popping in my liquid refreshment. Sometimes my brain has this amazing habit of saying out loud the most random of little thoughts, hiding in the back of my head. It really is the worst trait and I bite my own tongue. ¡°And why is that?¡± he chuckles watching me steadily. ¡°Because ¡­¡± I pout childishly. I don¡¯t really want to follow this line of conversation and start a row. ¡°Just because?¡± he probes, his eyes burning a hole in my face, being stupidly obtuse and grating on me. ¡°Do I need a reason not to like you anymore?¡± I know I¡¯m being petty, but a small part of me has still not forgiven him for leaving me on that yacht and closing me out for days while he ¡­ never mind. This is why I should never have said it. ¡°I guess not ¡­ would be nice to have one though. Can¡¯t have random acts of boss hating being thrown about.¡± He grins, adjusting his casual lounge in his chair while making it creak. I stifle augh, despite myself; he can be funny sometimes, if not a little dumb. I frown, trying to bring back my pout in a bid to stay moody. ¡°You could always just boss me into liking you again ¡­ bossy.¡± I tease solemnly, trying to retain my upset look and failing miserably. He¡¯s too good at always bringing me around. ¡°I might do that.¡± He watches me for a long second then frowns deeply. ¡°Is it because I fucked off and left you?¡± there¡¯s an edge to his voice with this one and a knowing look. I guess he¡¯s decided now is the time to talk. We haven¡¯t, not about this. Shit. ¡°Maybe.¡± My voice is inordinately tight. Sensing his frown, even though I¡¯m not looking at him directly anymore; he takes the ss out of my hand andys both on the table before us. ¡°We need to talk about this, Emma ¡­ Right now. Get it out of the way.¡± Yup, this is what I feared. Boss Carrero tone, this is all I need. I shift slightly to look up at him, my heart stilling and my breath pausing. I guess we had to do this sometime. What better ce than a private jet, thousands of miles high in the sky, where I have zero escape. ¡°I had to leave.¡± His focus on me is almost ufortable. ¡°Of course, you did,¡± I say quickly, a little too sharply and chastise myself inwardly for bristling at the first sentence. ¡°Stop it,¡± he warns. ¡°Look at me, and stop fiddling with theptop, it¡¯s staying closed.¡± I roll my eyes. His on me watching me steadily. He takes myptop and slides it on the floor between his feet away from me. ¡°I left for both our sakes, Emma,¡± he continues, still locked on me intensely. ¡°If I remember rightly, you left for your own ¡­ needs.¡± At least he has the grace to look away and sigh; my face is flushing, and my cheeks are hot. Talking about this is making me uptight already. This was never going to be a good conversation. It just hurts me irreversibly. ¡°Yeah, well, we had started to overstep the mark a little too frequently, as you kept reminding me.¡± He points out calmly but there¡¯s a sadness sin his voice. ¡°Is that what we¡¯re calling it nowadays?¡± I sound pathetic, huffy, and immature and I actually hate myself for it. ¡°What would you rather we call it ¡­ gross misconduct? Sexual advances from your boss?¡± There¡¯s a slight, but overall, he sounds calm. His face almost expressionless, although his green eyes have darkened stormily. ¡°Um, no. Drunken antics that got out of hand ¡­ twice.¡± I utter nervously, trying to lighten the mood a little. ¡°Three times,¡± he corrects. ¡°I¡¯m sure you weren¡¯t drunk in the car,¡± I add. ¡°Maybe I should have been.¡± He shrugs with one shoulder and shifts in his seat. ¡°Well, that would have been safe ¡­ Driving the way you were.¡± I sound more than immature now; I sound sarcastic and confrontational and in no way ready to talk. Why am I trying to antagonize him? Does he just bring this need out in me, to fight with himtely? ¡°I¡¯m an excellent driver, Emma ¡­ I¡¯ve driven with some of the best racing instructors in the world.¡± He ignores my jibe. Chapter 77 Chapter 77 ¡°Is that the direction we¡¯re taking now ¡­ squabbling over your driving aplishments?¡± I pout, crossing my hands in myp and sighing deeply. He wrinkles his forehead at me and looks out over the aisle at the empty seats, shifting in his chair for the second time. ¡°I left because if I didn¡¯t, it was going to go one of two ways ¡­ either I ended up fucking you or strangling you.¡± I¡¯m rendered gob smacked. There¡¯s no other word for it. He just put it right out there so bluntly. I¡¯m sure I should read my contract under the section about appropriate conversation topics with your boss, and maybe check the sexual harassment uses. He flicks over my burning face, epting my silence. ¡°It¡¯s clear that parts of our rtionship sometimes blur the lines ¡­ We work closely, we live in each other¡¯s pockets, and sometimes I forget that you are my PA above everything else.¡± ¡°What exactly do you confuse me with?¡± I snort because that would be nice to know. I kind of need a definition. What else would you call what I do? He throws me a pained and disdainful look. ¡°You¡¯re younger than any assistant I¡¯ve ever had; we get on, and we¡¯re friends ¡­ I forget sometimes that I need to act a certain way with you.¡± He goes back to staring at the side of my face and I resist the urge to meet his gaze. ¡°So, you never kissed any of your other PAs?¡± I sulk. Margo shes across my mind and I immediately shake it away with disgust. My stomach is already in my throat. Eeww, she¡¯s like a mom to him. ¡°No, Emma, I haven¡¯t. Before Margo took over full time for me, I went through a few assistants and they neversted any more than a couple of months. I¡¯ve tried male and female assistants and Icked interest, and trust, in all of them.¡± ¡°I see.¡± News to me, but okay¡­ ¡°Working the way we do, requires both ¡­and being this close means, sometimes I forget there would be consequences in trying to screw you.¡± He¡¯s still watching me closely; I¡¯m dying under his scrutiny and the tant way he¡¯s talking about sex between us. I think I¡¯m also upset by the fact he¡¯s making it pretty clear it would only be that ¡­ Nothing deeper! I forget that sex for him doesn¡¯t carry consequences, maybe that¡¯s the issue. He¡¯s too used to meaningless sex and has to remind himself that he would still have to work with me after. While I¡¯m too hung up on what sex with him would do to my heart afterwards and unable to work with him at all. ¡°So, the red head?¡± I ask, smarting at this conversation. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°What about her?¡± ¡°She¡¯s the one you ran off with for a week?¡± I¡¯m back to sulking Emma. Half pouting. Heart twisting in my chest, broken inside. He just frowns at me and shakes his head. ¡°No ¡­ I picked her up before I flew home.¡± He avoids my eyes this time and I swear I catch a moment of shame. Nice ¡­ Picked her up ¡­ like you pick up a quart of milk on the way home from work, at your own convenience. ¡°Back on form then?¡± I spit, the temper returning at the way I¡¯ve maneuvered the topic. I¡¯m such an idiot. ¡°Completely.¡± I sense the coolness return to his voice too, he¡¯s reacting to my anger and my snippiness. ¡°Got to the root of the issue?¡± I ask sardonically. Try and keep calm, Emma. I scold myself inwardly for this argument. ¡°Yes ¡­ Isn¡¯t an issue anymore.¡± He grunts. I swallow hard, so close to crying and paste a smile on my face instead. ¡°Good ¡­ Can¡¯t have you incapable and suffering now, can we? Carrero losing his edge is worse than death for you right?¡± I smile curtly with the most fake smile I¡¯ve ever given. He regards me icily and hands me back my champagne. ¡°Maybe we should clink to that,¡± I add drily, hating him in this moment and unable to stop the internal distress. ¡°Maybe we should.¡± He pings his ss against mine harshly and I catch the sarcasm on his face. He seems angry now too, but I smile icily, hating on him as much as I detest myself. Are we fighting? It feels like we are, but it¡¯sced in uber cool and polite, and I can¡¯t read him at all. I¡¯m smarting, emotional and I want to throw my drink at him in a bid to feel better. He¡¯s acting like this is all some meaningless, casual joke; maybe it would have been two weeks ago but not now, not ever again. Iy my head back against my seat, irritation clouding my thoughts. ¡°Maybe I should follow your example.¡± I pout loudly, I hadn¡¯t meant to say it out loud but it¡¯s out. Crap. ¡°What example would that be?¡± he pulls out his cell and starts typing in response to a text, I wonder which leggy woman has his attention this time. I don¡¯t even want to know. ¡°I should get a string of fuck buddies to go visit for a week, rid myself of the tension.¡± I sigh heavily and stare straight ahead bracing myself for his agreement which is going to hurt. His hands falter, and pause, his body tenses and it gives me a moment of satisfaction. His thumbs hover over the screen, out of the corner of my eye, putting it down instead, leaving the text unanswered. ¡°If you want to be that sort of girl?¡± his tone is instantly different, tight-lipped, and kind of pissed. Hypocrite! I think he¡¯s mad. Hmmmm, well, if it¡¯s good enough for the gander, or whatever that saying is. ¡°Well, I work as hard as you do, maybe I should follow your lead and y hard too. Seems to work wonders for you?¡± I¡¯m fluttering myshes innocently as his shoulders tense up. I¡¯m enjoying his reaction a little too much, in a way it feels like payback. His jaw is tensing, and I notice his ear move as a result. ¡°I don¡¯t think it would make you happy, Emma ¡­ Sleeping around ¡­ Fucking strangers.¡± There¡¯s definitely an edge to his voice. His frown has deepened and he¡¯s gripping the arm of his seat a little aggressively. ¡°You seem happy enough?¡± I push on, feeling brighter. See, Jake? Two can y at being assholes. ¡°We¡¯re nothing alike ¡­ I don¡¯t get hung up on the emotions of it.¡± He¡¯s ring out of his window now, avoiding me, his voice stillced with anger. He¡¯s trying to keep his cool. I know him too well and it seems I got to him; the mighty Jake is possessive of his almost conquests it seems. ¡°You don¡¯t know that I would. I don¡¯t think I would.¡± I know only too well that I can¡¯t. I know how I feel when it gets close to having intimacy, hence my boyfriends notsting long. But Jake doesn¡¯t know that. His hand drops onto my thigh, and he squeezes it rather harshly, biting with the motion. Ouch. Now that¡¯s gross misconduct and sexual harassment rolled into one, but I grit my teeth and refuse to show it. ¡°End of conversation, Emma.¡± He snarks at me darkly and I can see tell he¡¯s raging mad, his eyes have turned the darkest green I¡¯ve ever seen, almost terrifyingly so. Maybe he does care after all. Is this as close to jealousy as I¡¯ll ever get with him? ¡°You¡¯re the one who wanted to talk.¡± I smile sweetly. ¡°Not anymore ¡­ Drink your champagne and shut up.¡± I mp shut at his rude response , inwardly surprised but a whole lot of satisfied that I riled him. Charming! Loss of Carrero charm in one fell swoop. Seems I¡¯ve more power than I realized. Huffy and seething. Well, I feel better at least, a little tick on my imaginary clipboard. One¡ªnil to me, Mr. Casanova, who fucks women like it¡¯s going out of fashion. I guess we were fighting after all and looks like I won. Chapter 78 Chapter 78 I catch Jake ring at me across the table and stop twisting my hair for the fiftieth time; he¡¯s been touchy this entire trip. Who would have thought a week¡¯s worth of screwing leggy bimbos actually made him more goddamn sulky? I thought sex was meant to put men in a great mood, it must have been awful sex. I look him up and down, trying to appraise that possibility. I¡¯m sure he couldn¡¯t do bad sex, if I¡¯m being honest. He has more stamina than most humans I know and he¡¯s an attentive man naturally. I wonder if women can make sex shitty, even if they¡¯re being bedded by a ¡°sexpert¡±. Even though I don¡¯t have carnal knowledge of his bed hopping habits, I am pretty sure his confidence is a great hint that he doesn¡¯t haveints in the bedroom. He¡¯s barking orders at his cell and I¡¯m d it¡¯s not me on the receiving end. Bear with a sore head certainly suits his mood this past forty-eight hours. Thewyers are moaning and whining in the next room over his absence, and I¡¯m sitting here waiting with pen in hand for the notes he wants me to take. It¡¯s after lunch and I¡¯m hungry. We haven¡¯t stopped to eat yet and my hair is sticking to my face in this oppressive heat. I regret not being able to tie it up and keep blowing it away. We¡¯re back in Vegas, same business, second time round and I wasn¡¯t prepared for the soaring temperatures. I move in my jacket ufortably and catch another re. God¡¯s sake! He¡¯s been all over me these past two days, tugging my hands out of my hair, pping my fingers when I y with my pen, now I¡¯m getting the eye assault for moving in my chair. What¡¯s eating grouchy? I¡¯m the model of professionalism ny-nine percent of the time, he can¡¯t be pissed over the one percent which fidgets under duress. Especially when he¡¯s the cause of it. ¡°Emma?¡± He barks and snaps my attention up. ¡°What?¡± I sound equally narky, he¡¯s been a bastard since the flight, he can have some nark back at him. He glowers at my tone of voice. ¡°I need those memos resent to Walters in New York; the idiot¡¯s lost them on the system.¡± He¡¯s still ring like that¡¯s my fault. Great! I sigh heavily and pull out my tablet, but he kicks my foot under the table, making me jump. ¡°Ouch!¡± I react more from the fright than any actual pain, he didn¡¯t actually hurt me but still¡­¡­ Jerk! He¡¯s ring again and I bite my lip to curb a cuss word. What the actual hell? ¡°What was that for?¡± I snap angrily. ¡°Stop pouting ¡­ and rolling your fucking eyes when I tell you to do something.¡± He snaps angrily and slumps back to his call. Growling at the world in general. Wow. Jake has a whole new level of pissed off, it seems. Fuck off! This is how thest forty-eight hours have been, my once charming boss is now my asshole, irritating as shit, dick head of a boss who¡¯s been riding my back about everything. He¡¯s made me redo a million menial tasks that my assistant could have dealt with and he¡¯s snarked at me incessantly. If anyone has a PMS issue it is him, not me. I have the urge to throw a tampon at him. For the love of god. Even for Jake, the moods of thest two days have beenpletely out of character. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure kicking me breaks all sorts of employment rules,¡± I hiss. Throwing a warning look frostily. ¡°I¡¯m sure rolling your eyes and scowling at the boss will get your resum¨¦ chucked at you.¡± He¡¯s also not been in any flirty or fun jokey moods. If there wasn¡¯t a room of stuffed shirts five feet away through a ss door right now, I would have chucked my pen at him, square in the face. And I would have enjoyed it! Instead, I give him a sickly-sweet smile and mouth ¡°Whatever youmand!¡± I resist the urge to stick my fingers up at him. Once again, he¡¯s back giving someone else a hard time on the cell, my own vibrates and haul it out. ¡°Emma Anderson.¡± ¡°Emma, it¡¯s Rosalie ¡­ I need your help with some of Mr. Carrero¡¯s requests.¡± She¡¯s been getting it too, has she? What the hell is with him? ¡°Go ahead.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just some of the documents he¡¯s sent down, I¡¯m not sure what I¡¯m meant to do with them.¡± She sounds nervous. I ask her to go through what she has and tell her they¡¯ve to be printed and filed. I go through her concerns about some other matters and sign off. I like Rosalie, she¡¯s precious, although shecks initiative and confidence. If Jake has been bitching at that little cloud of sweetness, then he really is in the foulest of moods. Asshole bully. I wonder why he sent them to her directly and never went through me, I normally do all of that so I can instruct her properly. I guess because he can barely talk to me without fucking moaningtely. ¡°Emma. Here.¡± He slides his cell at me across the desk sharply. ¡°Stay here and take any calls. I need to wrap this up.¡± He gives me a dark look, devoid of any pleasantries. Jerk. ¡°Yes, Mr. Carrero.¡± I watch him stalk into the board room and shut the door noisily. He¡¯s in aggressive boss mode, he¡¯s probably going to bark at all the suits and have this meeting finished pronto. I shake my head at his back and concentrate on not sticking my tongue out. He really is trying my veryst nerve, and it¡¯s taking all my will power not to tell him to go shove his job up his butt. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. His cell immediately vibrates, and I swipe it open. I flinch at the name which appears on screen and my insides die a little. Marissa Hartley. Jesus Christ! That was not expected. I nce over at him, through the ss door, trying to figure out if I should ignore it. I decide against it and then answer, my nosiness getting the better of me and I would rather not get yelled at for ignoring his calls. ¡°Mr. Carrero¡¯s cell ¡­ Emma Anderson speaking.¡± I answer icily. ¡°Oh! Emma?¡± she sounds shocked to find me on the other end. I don¡¯t know why? I¡¯m his assistant after all, I sometimes do man his cell for him. Bimbo! ¡°Marissa?¡± I try and deliver friendly, but just sound pissed. Oh well. What a shame. ¡°Ummm, I need to talk to Jake ¡­ is he there?¡± Would I be answering his phone if he was? I mean really, Marissa, it¡¯s calledmon sense. I bristle internally and cross my legs. I can picture her doe-eyed face and have the urge to poke a Biro in one of her eyeballs. I actually hate you! ¡°He¡¯s in a meeting, Marissa, can I help you?¡± My clipped tone almost betrays my inner thoughts. ¡°No ¡­ I just need to speak to him urgently.¡± She whines, her voice grates on me like nails on a chalkboard. I don¡¯t like the tone either. I nce again at him through the door, he¡¯s in full CEO mode, commanding the room. Somewhat angrily. I hesitate; his bad mood is enough to put me off and I sigh. ¡°Look, he¡¯s actually in a really important meeting, all I can do is take a message.¡± I respond drily, she¡¯s just adding to my irritation today. ¡°Just tell him to call me back as soon as he can,¡± she snaps at me haughtily. The rich kid attitude toward menial employees. The urge to swear at her is strong, but I bite my tongue and mentally count to ten at speed. ¡°Is there any other message, besides calling you back?¡± I¡¯m trying to ignore the creep of suspicion sliding up my spine. Choke on your own tongue, Marissa. ¡°Just tell him it¡¯s urgent, that we need to talk. Today! ¡­ As soon as he can!¡± Venom in her voice, intended for me. Seems the feeling is mutual between us. ¡°Okay ¡­ I shall, bye then.¡± I retort coolly and end the call before she gets a chance to say another word. Smug at hanging up on her. Bitch! My fingers hover over the screen with temptation and yet I waiver. Don¡¯t do it ¡­ Don¡¯t look, Emma. My curiosity gets the better of me, and I swipe and go to his text inbox, the passcodees up and I falter. I know the codes to his cell; he gave me them ¡­ I¡¯ve never needed to check his texts before though. Most business-rted enquiriese as calls. Chapter 79 Chapter 79 I punch it in quickly before I change my mind and scan a list of names. Marissa is near the top; he¡¯s been texting her recently. What am I doing? I notice a couple of other female names and feel instantly sick. Why am I doing this? I hesitate again and click Marissa¡¯s name ¡­ Thest text is from her to him. I pale as I scan it, knowing how stupid this is, but now I can¡¯t unsee it. I still love you Jake ¡­ We can make this work, I¡¯m so d this happened between us, a new beginning. xxx It¡¯s from two days ago and I feel physically nauseous. I close the screen, my hands shaking, and I slide it back on the desk. My breath instantlybored and my heart is fluttering. Shit. I shouldn¡¯t have looked; I shouldn¡¯t have pried. He¡¯s sleeping with Marissa again. The tone suggests she was a past conquest. Maybe more. The thought bothers me so much more than red head, or any other female I¡¯ve ever known him with. Although that didn¡¯t sound like nothing ¡­ That sounds like more than just sex. She told him she loves him ¡­ Jake never does love, he moves on quickly, so it never gets to that point. How long has he been seeing Marissa, for love to be involved? Was that why she was being that way on the boat? Was he seeing her even then, behind Richard¡¯s back? Even while kissing me? I rub my face and realize my cheeks are ming. I¡¯m dizzy and sick. I shouldn¡¯t have done that. I need to eat ¡­ Maybe it will make me feel less faint. I¡¯m hot, stifling; maybe I need a ss of water. All I know is that I am out of sorts and the room is ustrophobic so suddenly. I get up to move from the table and the swirling dizziness hits me out of nowhere. Shit. I reach out to grab the table and miss. * * * ¡°Emma? ¡­ Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voicees at me from far away. I flutter my eyes open and realize there are several faces above me. Hemming in like a bad dream. What the hell? Jake¡¯s holding my skull up with one hand and pulls me slowly to sit, a hand sliding behind my back to support me. ¡°Are you okay?¡± He¡¯s pale and seems stressed. I realize I¡¯m lying on the floor of the office I was in, my head still spinning, and the scratchy carpet is irritating my skin. Some of the suits move back as I struggle upright, held by Jake¡¯s strong arm as he kneels over me. I have no idea what¡¯s going on. ¡°I just felt a little light-headed.¡± I try, but sound childlike, trying to make excuses. I feel so odd. Like this is all some weird dream. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever fainted before and if that¡¯s what this is, it¡¯s surreal. I can only assume that¡¯s what happened and why I¡¯m on the floor with no memory of how. ¡°Emma, you full blown passed out.¡± Jake studies my face with a scrutinizing frown, not giving me any room at all.All content is ? N0velDrama.Org. ¡°I missed lunch,¡± I answer weakly, confused by what¡¯s going on, I don¡¯t remember even falling. I don¡¯t feel so good, I¡¯m shaking inside and it¡¯s spreading to my hands. Someone passes Jake a ss of water and he holds it to my mouth like I¡¯m incapable. ¡°Drink,¡± hemands. Bossy pants is back; I don¡¯t argue and take a sip anyway. Heat radiating from my face and adding to my wooziness; this is so embarrassing. He¡¯s still holding me like fine China and I¡¯m conscious of the many faces and quiet whispers all around, watching me, watching us. ¡°We¡¯re going back to the hotel right now. I want a doctor to look at you.¡± Jake is oblivious to anything but the marching orders he¡¯s issuing me. ¡°No ¡­ No, Jake, honest. I¡¯m fine. I just need to eat.¡± My voice is wavering and weak, I don¡¯t feel right at all, sleepy almost. I take a breath and the creep of heat expands over me, maybe that¡¯s got something to do with this too. ¡°I¡¯m just too hot,¡± I stammer as he leans forward and starts unbuttoning my jacket with one hand, easing it off for me. Someone hands him a damp paper towel, and he holds it behind my neck; it feels good, it helps a little to clear the fogginess and I start toe back to reality. The swimming head is starting to pass. I notice there¡¯s still an audience and frown, he follows my gaze and looks up as though for the first time noticing the men in suits. ¡°Can you all give us a few minutes ¡­ Give her some space,¡± hemands. There¡¯s a mutter of chatter and they all file back through to the other room. Except it¡¯s a ss wall and I¡¯m aware of the eyes still being cast this way. Crap¡ªthat¡¯s never going to go away now, I bet everyone in the building hears how Carrero¡¯s PA ked out over a simple contracts brief. ¡°I can get up.¡± I try, but he stops me. ¡°Stay ¡­ for a few minutes.¡± He¡¯s trying to make me sip again, but I take the ss from him and drink myself. His eyes on me, boring into my skull. ¡°You gave me a fucking scare, shorty.¡± He sighs and takes my ss when I¡¯m done. Oh well, he¡¯s still sweary anyway. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I murmur apologetically. ¡°Next time I¡¯ll be more considerate with my fainting spells.¡± I add drily, and he frowns at me, but says nothing. ¡°I can get up, I feel better.¡± He watches me intently for a second then moves to pull me with him. He keeps his hands on my hips as I waiver, holding me still. ¡°I¡¯m good ¡­ I¡¯m just a tad unsteady.¡± My voice is still shaking, and my body feels cold despite the heat. I shudder involuntarily. ¡°We¡¯re leaving,¡± Jake says without hesitation. Fullmandeering mode on and I know he won¡¯t be swayed. ¡°No, honest ¡­ Go finish ¡­ I¡¯ll sit ¡­ I just needed to ¡­¡± I wave my hands airily and the words trail away absentmindedly. Okay, maybe I¡¯m still a bit scatterbrained. ¡°No ¡­ we¡¯re going and you¡¯re seeing a doctor.¡± He¡¯s in ¡°no argument¡± mode, bossy and frowning. I sigh heavily, I know this mood and even in my strongest sulks. I¡¯m no match. ¡°Don¡¯t, Jake ¡­ I¡¯m fine ¡­ make them order lunch instead, then I¡¯ll be perfect.¡± I try a smile and fail. I feel weak and he¡¯s right. ¡°Emma, I¡¯ve seen you skip lunch before, you¡¯ve never keeled over on me.¡± He has a dark look and I¡¯m too fuzzy to even begin to decipher it, too tired for this to continue. ¡°It¡¯s the heat, ¡­ hot and hungry are not a goodbo.¡± He slides me closer to him with both hands on my waist and steadies me against him, so he can let go with one where he moves it to my head and takes a temperature guess. Really? Like I¡¯m a child with a fever? It¡¯s so at odds with his serious, frowning facial expression, it makes me giggle, breaking my tension. He too breaks into a smile. ¡°Just checking.¡± He shrugs, bad mood dissipating almost as fast as it started. Boyish Carrero shining through finally. ¡°I¡¯m okay ¡­ I¡¯m not sick, Carrero.¡± I flutter, all aggravation of thest two days forgotten so easily. ¡°Promise?¡± he looks suddenly so very young; I think it¡¯s relief. I can¡¯t ever stay mad at this version of him. That face could melt icebergs when he turns on the adorable. ¡°Promise.¡± I hold up my attempt at a girl guide oath as proof, and he smiles. ¡°I¡¯m still making youe back to the hotel, Emma ¡­ Enough for today.¡± The tone is still stubborn and serious. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I¡¯m tired and maybe the hotel won¡¯t be such a bad idea. I mean, I¡¯m hungry after all, room service is pretty tasty. I could use ay down to let this pass. ¡°You¡¯re not arguing?¡± he seems surprised. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Okay, then you¡¯re definitely seeing the doctor. I think you¡¯re terminally ill.¡± Now he¡¯s being funny, nice to see flirty face is back on form once more. I missed him. Very good, ha ha, Jake. I waver again, and he pulls me back against him, maybe I should feign fainting in the future if this is the result. Falling into his arms seems to be far too easy and satisfying a habit nowadays. Although, talking of falling. Oh God. My mind ps me. ¡°Marissa!¡± I blurt out suddenly, remembering what had first caused my dizziness. ¡°What?¡± he mps on me with confusion. A stormy frown creasing his face almost instantly. Shit. Did I say that out loud? Chapter 80 Chapter 80 ¡°She called ¡­ she needs to speak to you.¡± I cover, hiding the tremor in my voice. He looks both instantly annoyed and something else¡­ wary. ¡°When?¡± The dark look is back, I hope that means he¡¯s not happy about her call and not that I forgot to tell him. Not that I could be med. I was unconscious after all. ¡°Before I ¡­ dramatically met the floor.¡± I try a small smile, but he doesn¡¯t look pleased, he¡¯s glowering, at me. No ¡­ Too soon? I think he¡¯s displeased in general. He frowns and picks his cell up from the table, slides it open with one hand. I have a moment of panic, wondering if I exited his text box but he doesn¡¯t react, so I guess I did. That was close! Stupid, Emma, really stupid. He¡¯s still holding me, keeping me upright and quickly sits me down in the seat nearby, before he presses his cell screen. He¡¯s going to call her right now! ¡­ Right here, with me sitting beside him? I squirm, sure I don¡¯t want to witness this at all. ¡°Marissa ¡­ You called?¡± he doesn¡¯t sound friendly. There¡¯s a long pause as he listens, and I don¡¯t want to be here. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. He may think we¡¯re back to just PA and boss, but my heart says differently. ¡°I told you,¡± he snarls. He sounds different. I¡¯ve never heard him in lover mode and he actually sounds annoyed, and in asshole Carrero mode, but hey ho. ¡°No ¡­ Don¡¯t bother. I¡¯ll call you,¡± he snaps at her. Well, I¡¯m d I¡¯ve never met him in lover mode, because he¡¯s being quite pissy with her. If this is what his dates get, then why the hell do they still date him? He sighs dramatically, tense as he paces back and forth listening. Like a caged animal who is desperate for freedom. ¡°Okay, okay ¡­ Don¡¯t fucking cry ¡­ I¡¯ll call you back when I¡¯m done.¡± Now that made me shut up and take note. Confusion all over my face and brain whirring at the attitude. I try to feign ignorance and seem like I¡¯m engrossed in the edge of the table, picking at it. His voice was hushed, but not enough, so maybe he doesn¡¯t know how much I heard. He casts a look at me warily andes over to help me up when he hangs up on her. ¡°We¡¯re going ¡­ Now.¡± He¡¯s back in pissed and grumpy mode. Boss Carrero calling the shots. I don¡¯t even react, just allow him to guide me and stay quiet. My head whirling with the little snippet of conversation between Marissa and him. Completely clueless as to how to feel. *** At the hotel, he dumps me graciously in my room. He ordered me toy down and there¡¯s a tray of half eaten food by the bed. He has a doctoring, despite my protests and has left me to stare at the quiet TV to ¡°recuperate¡±. He¡¯s being distant and as soon as I was settled, he pulled his cell out and stalked off, closing himself in his own room. I know he¡¯s calling her and despite his manner with her earlier, it still makes my heart constrict painfully. I hate the fact he¡¯s calling her. I don¡¯t know why, but from the moment I met her, I had this weird, gutsy inkling that I really didn¡¯t like her at all. Far more potently than any of his other bimbos and I can¡¯t exin it. It¡¯s some female thing going off inside of me, that makes me hate her more than the others. On top of that I just hate that he¡¯s calling a woman,pletely unable to control my jealous pain inside and that sucks most of all. * * * He¡¯s back thirty minutester as the doctor is wrapping up her stethoscope after examining me. ¡°What¡¯s the verdict?¡± he sounds concerned. Well, maybe ¡­ Bossy mainly. ¡°She¡¯s fine, Mr. Carrero. ¡­ A little rest and she¡¯ll make a full recovery.¡± The doctor beams at him confidently, her swathe figure in a nice fitted gray suit and she has a lovely face. I like this doctor; she has gentle hands and an easy manner that makes me rx under her care; she also seems immune to Jake¡¯s charms. I¡¯m d, because she¡¯s hot for a doctor and most definitely someone I could see him bedding. ¡°Why did she pass out then?¡± he doesn¡¯t seem convinced and doesn¡¯t seem to notice how attractive she is either. All eyes on me and frowning. No schmoozing charm evident. ¡°Miss. Anderson. informed me she¡¯d skipped meals and was overheated; I¡¯m guessing she wasn¡¯t drinking enough fluids either and she became a little overwhelmed. We need to take care of our bodies ¡­ She needs to limatize to Vegas weather, I think.¡± She throws me a wide smile and I return it; how could you not, she¡¯s lovely. He¡¯s frowning, his arms crossed and scrutinizing me closely. He doesn¡¯t look convinced and I know he¡¯s inwardly cursing me about how many times he¡¯s told me I need to drink more water too. The man should have shares in Evian, the amount he goes through in a day. ¡°She¡¯s going to get enough rest, she¡¯s hotel bound until tomorrow, when we fly home,¡± he points out a tad rudely. The doctor smiles and nods. She approves. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. What? This is news ¡­ Since when? We¡¯re due to stay here for a week. I keep quiet as he shows the doctor out, then slide up from the bed and march through to the sitting area purposefully, to find him. To confront him. ¡°What do you mean we¡¯re flying home?¡± I use angrily as soon as she departs. ¡°Tomorrow morning ¡­ It¡¯s already arranged.¡± He has an air of irritation, his green eyes simmering with warning, but I ignore it. ¡°Why? Because I fainted? ¡­ We have stuff to do here, Jake.¡± I strop at him in sheer agitation, throwing my hands around gesturing like mad. ¡°Yes ¡­ No ¡­ Because of that, and because of shit I need to deal with, okay?¡± I pale as I take in the agitated tone and manner. He doesn¡¯t need to spell it out, I know him well enough to know ¡°Shit¡± being Marissa! ¡°You¡¯re going to blow out this week¡¯s schedules?¡± I snap with a dead pan expression. Hating that he dumps work for a fucking woman! This is not how he normally operates; this is a crappy way to run an empire if you ask me. ¡°Sometimes life does get in the way of work, Emma.¡± He res at me sarcastically and just cements my suspicion. Actually, now I think of it, this is exactly what he does. He takes off on personal time, or holidays or blows out work for a week to go off and sulk. Abandoning everything! ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± I snap at him furiously. Why am I so goddamn angry with him? I should be ecstatic ¡­ I hate Vegas and I want to go home. I should be dancing my joyful dance at getting out of this ce early. But I¡¯m just pissed! ¡°It means what it means ¡­¡± He stalks off away from me and it only makes me angrier. Igniting that temper. Chapter 81 Chapter 81 Oh, so we¡¯re fighting again? What happened to happy go lucky PA and hot boss? When we used to flirt more than we fought? I liked them ¡­ I wish they woulde back and rece the constant arguments and anger between ustely. The constant sizzling tension and instant re ups of bad mood and hurt feelings. What the hell happened to us? ¡°You think I¡¯m all about my work and I don¡¯t what? ¡­ Let life ever interfere?¡± I snap usingly. ¡°Take from it whatever you will.¡± He¡¯s pouring himself a drink, a strong one. Being cryptic as per usual. For no reason whatsoever, his motion makes me more furious with him, his chilling and kicking back with booze whenever things get serious. Screw him. ¡°I know how to have a life ¡­ I choose to work more than I fuck about with sex and parties.¡± I know that isn¡¯t fair. He works harder than he ys, more than most in his business, that¡¯s why I¡¯m always by his side and flying across continents. I¡¯ve seen it. I¡¯m being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. ¡°Do you, Emma? ¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure that stick up your ass is well and truly lodged.¡± He growls at me and I nche. What the hell? Why is this attack Emma suddenly and how did we get so goddamn mad at one another, over nothing? We¡¯re literally yelling at each other, tension crackling in the air as the atmosphere thickens. This constant goddamn weird, uptight air is always around us now. ¡°What the actual fuck? ¡­ You chose me as your PA because of how I work ¡­ Now what? You¡¯re saying I¡¯m too what? Anal? You want a party buddy instead?¡± I yell at him. My body tense and I¡¯m waving my hands around in frustration, steel matching res on both our faces. ¡°I want a fucking normal assistant! One who doesn¡¯t fucking make me feel like I want to beat the shit out of her one minute and screw her the next! This sexual tension between us all the fucking time, is absolutely killing me!¡± he spits cruelly, locking me dead in the eye angrily and itpletely floors me. Wow. I¡¯m literally frozen ¡­ I mean what? That¡¯s what this is? I gawk at him, wide-eyed and speechless, mouth slightly open with surprise as his words sink in. ¡°Fuck this shit!¡± he snaps and throws his ss across at the sink rather dramatically. It smashes across the tiles sending shards everywhere, making me jump, his hostility reverberates around the room and silence hits hard. Without another word he stalks toward me, looking dark and crazy, sending a shiver of fear down my spine, immobilizing me for a second before sense has me backing up until I thwack into a hard surface. I¡¯ve no clue what he¡¯s doing. Jakees right at me as I attempt to flee sidesways, he pushes me hard against the wall behind me once more and crushes his mouth to mine like our lives depend on it. His lips rams against mine with such force it takes my breath away and I¡¯m too stunned to stop him. My head is still in the middle of the floor, miles behind me, floundering at his statement, and hasn¡¯t yet caught up. I take a minute to pull in my breath. I respond in a way that shocks me to the core; some primal inner me, taking advantage of the few seconds of shock. Itch to his kiss purposefully, opening my lips to have his tongue and mine entwine. A groaning from deep inside me; hot and wanton. Nothing about this is right, but I can¡¯t stop it, I¡¯ve never known this surge coursing through my body which consumes me. I wrap myself around him, his hands in my hair and mine are around his neck. He¡¯s kissing me with all the passion and pent-up frustration of weeks of weird vibes between us. Making love to me with his mouth while his hands run over me and pin me to him forcefully. Our bodies pulsing in unison. This sudden overpowering need to have every inch of him joined with mine overtakes all sense and reason. A release from all the anger and fighting and heartbreak, bursting over me like a damn. The urge to let him devour me and take it all away. He lifts me up smoothly, so I¡¯m against the wall and pulls me hard into him, my legs moving automatically around his waist and my skirt riding up, exposing my thighs. The strength emanating from him only pushes me further into this feeling of raging desire. I want this ¡­ I need this ¡­ I stop that little inner voice of fear and panic trying to wheedle in and I push her down harshly with an icy shove. No! You won¡¯t stop it this time. Everything that¡¯s happened, everything I¡¯ve felt these past few weeks in his absence and feeling like we let a gulf open between us. I don¡¯t care about the consequences anymore. I want to lose myself in everything that¡¯s him and let my control, for once, subside. I need him. He pulls me off the wall and we¡¯re on the floor in an instant, the carpet soft under my back as he cushions the transition, mouths still deliciously molded together. His attentions waken up that deepest desire in me while his body weight is sexy and turns me crazily on. He¡¯s over the top of me and we¡¯re pulling each other¡¯s clothes without thought, every hard curve of his body pushed against mine, grinding into me. He wants me as much as I want him as his erection crushes into my damp panties; his mouth knows no limits and he¡¯s kissing me with all the expertise of a seasoned pro; he could make me tip over the edge with his kiss alone and he seems to know it. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. Why have I never wanted to be kissed like this? This is every fantasye true. There¡¯s nothing terrifying or repulsive about this, it¡¯s drawing me in, opening me up, making my head go nk with desire. I suck on his lip the way he has mine before, extracting a moan from him that pushes my fire higher. His hands sliding over my body, exploring, and ravaging me, feeling out my breasts, my waist, and my thighs as he maneuvers me into exactly how he wants me. I¡¯m breathless and burning up with a feverish need. I¡¯ve never felt this way or wanted it more. There¡¯s a rip across my chest as he¡¯s yanks my blouse open, tearing it like paper. I¡¯m surprised, but yet I¡¯ve never been so horny in my life over something this primal; I grasp for his buttons instinctively. I try to get them open but I¡¯m not as smooth as him with his Hulk-like clothes ripping ability, and I¡¯m fumbling. He¡¯s all over me, caressing my curves and pulling me into him in new angles as he continues his possession of my body. His mouth running over every inch of skin he can find while exposing more. We¡¯re frantic and panting and lost in passionate heat that¡¯s leading to explosion. I¡¯m lost under his attentive hands and I¡¯m imploding inside with desire, my body is clenching in ways I never knew it could. My core pulsating and throbbing for fulfilment. It¡¯s really going to happen this time and I¡¯m not going to stop it; it seems neither is he. He¡¯s intent on tasting every piece of me and returning to my mouth with every few licks and sucks, to capture me again, push my surrender to him. This is what it feels like to be Jake¡¯s focus and desire, and it¡¯s amazing. He rips my skirt open, giving no shits about it. Jesus ¡­ Does he really have to do that? It¡¯s making me crazy for him and I¡¯m sure they unbutton easily. It used to be my favorite skirt; I reflect fleetingly. Who am I kidding? It¡¯s a turn on, searing hot ¡­ It¡¯s crazy erotic and primal and I love the fact he¡¯s literally tearing my clothes off with impatience to get at me. I¡¯ve never felt desired this way and weed it openly. I follow suit and yank his shirt, experiencing the overwhelming satisfaction of ripping cloth, buttons popping off, revealing his toned physique and tanned skin. He grins against my mouth mid-kiss and I almost spasm with pleasure. How can one man be so sensual, with so little effort? His handse up and cradle the side of my face, smoothing up my jawline, trying to calm the pace before pulling my hands up beside my head and holding them down. There¡¯s an urgency to it, but I squirm under him, pushing against him hard trying to ignite full on sex. ¡°Slow down, Emma.¡± He breathes against my face. No, no, no. Don¡¯t stop, don¡¯t let me slow down and let my mind take over ¡­ Don¡¯t let me start thinking this through. If I let the memories and doubts creep in, then I won¡¯t let go. I won¡¯t let this happen. I need this to happen. He shifts his position on me slightly, pushing firmly between my thighs and I know he¡¯s not going to stop. He¡¯s turned on too, majorly so, and even with my inexperience I can feel the full hardness of him against my pelvis, his dick straining against his pants. My cheeks flush with the knowledge and embarrassment at the evidence; my innocence and naivety showing. My fingers wriggle free, roaming over his body and arms hungrily in response, trying to feel out every forbidden part of him. He¡¯s teasing my mouth, kissing and nibbling my lips. Driving me insane with need and I can almost feel my body building to self-implode, yet he¡¯s still trying to slow the pace. Chapter 82 Chapter 82 No! I want the passion and the hunger, the fast clothes ripping and heated motion of seconds ago. I want him to lose control in the way I am. I groan and pull him down on top of me, trying to make that clear. Forcing the inner voices away in a surge of stubborn passion. The intensity of this burning longing overpowers me as he goes for my throat, kissing and trailing his warm breath across my skin, goosebumps forming while I writhe and squirm under him in desperation. He pulls what¡¯s left of my skirt free and casually tosses it aside. Confident in what he¡¯s doing, a sign of his ¡°sexpertease¡± and experience. His hands are at thece of my panties, and I mentally thank Donna for her love of buying me sexy ck lingerie. Or not! Now that he¡¯s literally just ripped it off, the thince disintegrating under strong fingers. I squeak in surprise as he smiles again, this time against my throat, his teeth against me and the movement of his face, his stubble gently scraping my delicate skin. It makes me arch under him as I moan out. I love how that feels, how he feels. He¡¯s teasing me, he knows how to drag this out, so I¡¯m literally begging for more and it¡¯s all so new to me. If only he knew how big a deal this was. Sex is easy for him, and he has no idea how broken I really am inside. How, even getting this far is a massive leap for me and I¡¯m really letting go, for him. He lifts his body to one side and shrugs out of his shirt over me, I can¡¯t help but lock eyes with him, caught in his steady gaze. No hesitation. His pupils dted, a look of sheer lust and he¡¯s still as seductive as the first time I everid eyes on him. No niggling doubts anymore; I don¡¯t care if he fires me after this. I want this more than I want my job. I yank at the button of his trousers at his waist, impatient to feel him inside of me, to quell this craving, but he stills my hand. He moves down my body trailing kisses across my naked stomach and lower down to my ¡­ Oh fuck! I writhe back into an arch as his mouth connects with my core and I cry out. I grasp at the floor. I hadn¡¯t expected that at all. He probes with his tongue, and I moan loudly, unraveling ¡­ I¡¯ve never felt anything like this in my life and I¡¯m so close to the edge of a precipice, it¡¯s terrifying. No one¡¯s ever kissed me down there. It¡¯s warm and engulfing; sensations so purely divine that I literally roll my eyes back in my head and lose control of my limbs. I writhe beneath his attention, hot waves building inside of me and I¡¯m trying to hold still, squirming and moving and aching. I try grabbing his shoulder, to haul him up. Scared that it will overpower me. I want more than his mouth, but he pins my hands down at my sides, holding me in ce. He continues his erotic assault and I can¡¯t take it ¡­ I can¡¯t let go, I can¡¯t release like this, this sensation ¡­ I¡¯ve never orgasmed before, but I know that¡¯s what this building inside of me is, and the growing tension is terrifying. Like a tidal wave from my toes. I have heard enough about what orgasms are to figure this is happening. No. No, no ¡­ Yes ¡­ No. ¡°Let go, Emma,¡± he coaxes me, but I can¡¯t, I¡¯m trying ¡­ I¡¯m trying, but my head¡¯s spiraling with confusion. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. What happens if I let it happen? What happens if I let him push me over the edge? I don¡¯t want to fall, I don¡¯t want to reach that pinnacle and drop down, free falling. I like control ¡­ I need control ¡­ I don¡¯t want this to end, because I¡¯m scared of what happens next. It¡¯s too much. It¡¯s terrifying. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s on the other side. He shifts over me, bringing my hands above my head in a swift change, pinning them down. His eyes heavy with longing, his mouth parted and breathing hard. I want him so badly it physically hurts. ¡°Fine ¡­ Have it your way.¡± He raises his eyebrows sardonically. Was that a threat? He¡¯s at my mouth again kissing me hard and I can taste myself on him. I know it should repulse me, but it doesn¡¯t, because it¡¯s ¡°his¡± mouth and what it just did to me was mind blowing. He¡¯s on me once more and feeding a fire inside, taking my mind and pushing all sense away. He pushes down the remains of his clothes with one hand, while the other cups my face to keep my eyes on his. Oh god ¡­ He¡¯s naked ¡­ He presses against me and his manhood is ¡­ Oh god. I groan at the contact. I lurch back against the floor in ecstasy at the touch of warm skin against me, the slick caress over my most sensitive parts¡­ The sensation overwhelming. I¡¯m so responsive to his body, it¡¯s taking me over like I¡¯m a virginal teen with zero experience. There¡¯s a rip of foil, a condom packet; I guess he keeps them handy and he moves for a moment ¡­ He¡¯s back quickly and in one slow easing movement he slides inside me, softly, gently pushing in, as I exhale with pleasure and grip his shoulders ¡­ It overwhelms mepletely as I¡¯m stretched and filled deliciously in sheer ecstasy. I gasp and grip his upper arms, grinding into him, hungering for more. The feeling unlike any sex I have ever had before. Overtaken with an insanity for him; he begins moving slowly, bracing himself over me on his muscr arms, caging me in as I grab and pull him down. The motion sending extreme waves of pleasure and ache through me. Jake starts to find his rhythm, screwing me. His mouth next to my ear, breathing heavily as he too experiences insane pleasure. It¡¯s too much ¡­ that build again as he¡¯s thrusting slowly and surely, his lips on my neck. He shifts to pin my hands down again, so his torso presses against my body possessively. It¡¯s actually happening, Jake¡¯s making love to me. We¡¯re having sex! Slow and sensual, building into a faster harder frenzy, with a rhythmic stroke, he knows exactly what he¡¯s doing and is barely breaking a sweat; while I w, grip and try to hold myself together from rippling waves that are trying to unravel me. I¡¯m full of him, stretched to capability and yearning. I¡¯m climbing higher and higher while my body heats and trembles and tingles crawl up my skin. Oh my god, oh my god. It¡¯s all I can chant, not sure if it¡¯s internal or out loud as thepping waves of extreme pleasure wash over me with every thrust. I¡¯m moaning and groaning, oblivious to my own sounds and caught in the best moment of my life. It feels beyond good ¡­ It feels like everything I ever wanted it to feel like. Could only imagine it would be. The heaviness of that reality ps me in the face so suddenly, like an ice bucket of water and I start trying to fight for control against the waves running through me as fear begins to fade in ever so coldly. What are we doing? We can¡¯t ¡­ We shouldn¡¯t be doing this. I struggle with my mind, my biggest nemesis, unaware that my body is responding to the doubts it¡¯s pushing to the forefront and pulling away from him. Reality wing at me like a ravaged animal, trying to force my mind back to attention. Terror taking grip and I know I¡¯m losing a battle with myself. ¡°Stop over thinking, Emma.¡± He grunts into my ear, hoarsely, his breathe running over my throat, kissing my naked shoulder, biting, nipping. I turn my face to his and breathe him in, nuzzling his hair and trying to get back to the lost abandon of moments ago. To get immersed in how good this feels. How good he feels. Desperate to join him again. He¡¯s changing the angle and he thrusts harder. I moan out and arch against him as a spasm of pleasure courses through me unexpectedly. I can¡¯t hold on for much longer. He¡¯s managed to pull me back so effortlessly and I pant through a cry. I¡¯ve never had sex like this ¡­ I¡¯ve never felt this kind of all embodying sensation, and it¡¯s terrifying yet amazing. What about when he stops? What happens to me once I¡¯m done being ravaged by my boss? The tears sting my eyes unexpectedly and I try to bite them back ¡­ emotional stupid thoughts kicking in to remind me what Jake is like with sex. What about Marissa? ¡­ What does she mean to him? I grasp at his shoulders turning my face away; afraid he¡¯ll sense the fear and doubt. Overwhelmed again, fighting the building tension within my body as it nears a greater height. I¡¯m still clinging to him, still pushing against him, despite my emotional turmoil, and it only confuses me more. My body wants something my brain does not, and all I can do is move in motion with his thrusts, groaning and wing to make him push harder. Submissive to what he¡¯s doing. I¡¯m so confused. ¡°Stop it, Emma,¡± he pleads ¡­ He grabs my chin in one hand and forces me back toward his assault of kisses. Stop what? Chapter 83 Chapter 83 I¡¯m doing what he¡¯s making me do, my body moving in time to his, held captive by his mouth and hands. Climbing again, only so intently I know I¡¯m going to rip apart. I don¡¯t know how to react. How to stop it. I don¡¯t want to stop it ¡­ but I have to ¡­ I¡¯m scared that it¡¯ll overwhelm me ¡­ Marissa invading my mind, what we¡¯re doing, doubt searing through me. It¡¯s too much, it¡¯s too intense, writhing under him, trying to keep control, but he grabs my wrists roughly as I try recoil, holding them down to the floor while making my senses reel back to him. He stops fucking me. ¡°I¡¯ll stop, Emma ¡­ Do you want me to stop?¡± his tone is serious and dark, but his eyes are wary and begging me. It¡¯s like he drags my focus back in from all the messy over thinking that is pushing in and I shake my head ¡­ I don¡¯t want to face the after ¡­ It can¡¯t stop. I don¡¯t want him to stop. ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± I pant, scared of the intensity in his look, just how ovee with lust he is and how desirable he is to me right now. He visibly rxes and starts moving hard and fast inside me, as though he knows I may change my mind, pulling my thighs up for leverage and holding me more firmly with every thrust. His desire drowning out sense and Jake really goes for it. Every part of him against me, his mouth on mine again and I¡¯m lost as his tongue caresses my own. I relinquish all control. Thatst piece of him entwined with me, drowning out thest of the voices in my head. His kiss, my savior from myself, while he pounds me like he just can¡¯t stop. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. It sends me off the edge and I erupt so suddenly; I can¡¯t even prepare as it¡¯s like nothing I¡¯ve ever experienced. I cry out, scream his name, digging my nails into his shoulder des while spasms explode inside and out, causing a million sensations to ignite at once. My brain spins and jerks in ecstasy ¡­ It¡¯s devastating ¡­ It¡¯s amazing and overwhelming all at once as my thighs clench around his waist forcefully. He thrusts hard into me once more, heightening mypletion, causing another volcano eruption of stars which have me spiraling out of control, up and over the crashing waves, free falling, crying out and clutching for dear life as he holds me. Spent as soon as the shudders recede, Jake stills with me, falling on top of me, panting as much as I am so I guess he found his own climax inside of me while I was mid orgasm. ¡°Emma ¡­ Merda.¡± He breathes and groans into my neck,ying heavily over me after his own cumming. Iy sated and breathless as the world slows around me and my senses start to calm. My body is tingling all over, and I¡¯m exhausted. Suddenly emotional and all too aware as sense loses its lust fog. The self-consciousness in me rolls over and it¡¯s like I suddenly see what we just did which shakes me before kicking me in the gut with a rude awakening. I¡¯m semi-naked and entwined with him on the floor of our suite. This is more than an ¡°oh shit¡± moment ¡­ That¡¯s a massive understatement. This is more of a ¡°I¡¯ve lost my fucking mind¡± moment. I shrug out from under him, instantly mortified, cold, terrified, ashamed, unsure, and he rolls away reluctantly. Kicking his pants and underwear from around his ankles. I start to tremble as this hits me properly, and I scan his naked body in panic. What we have done? My face starts burning and my legs turn to Jell-O ¡­ I can¡¯t breathe as anxiety tears my mind open, my body still basking in the aftereffects, yet also regret swooping in. I try to get away quickly, but he hauls me back to him, against his naked body and I stiffen all over. ¡°Emma, don¡¯t.¡± He warns, with an unreadable tone. ¡°Don¡¯t what?¡± I sound small and terrified and I hate that voice, it¡¯s betraying the overwhelming hysteria growing up inside of me like a tornado, about to engulf my entire world. ¡°Don¡¯t close that door ¡­ not after this.¡± He stretches out beside me on the floor, voice low and raw but I want to die with the shame at what I have just allowed him to do with me. No better than all the whores he beds. I can¡¯t ¡­ I can¡¯t do this. What the hell have I done? I¡¯ve just destroyed my rtionship with Jake and my entire career in one fell swoop. I¡¯ve just opened Pandora¡¯s box on a whole host of chaos I can¡¯t deal with. My mind¡¯s running at a hundred miles an hour. I¡¯m seeing everything we are, and I¡¯ve worked for, crumbling away to dust. He can do casual sex and brush stuff like this off, but me? I justpletely surrendered what was left of my heart to the one man who would never want it, and I can¡¯t go back. He¡¯s ruined me for anyone else ever!!! ¡°We crossed the line, Jake ¡­ we can¡¯t go back from this.¡± There are tears in my eyes, because I know this changes everything. He swears under his breath and rolls over me, leaning in while trying to bring me back to him, but I resist. His eyes searching my face, trying to gain contact. Caging me in with his muscr arms but my walls are rising. ¡°Emma, don¡¯t do this ¡­ It¡¯s sex ¡­ Don¡¯t over think it.¡± His words are like a p in the face. This is the problem right here! This was just another meaningless screw to him ¡­ Another faceless woman. But it wasn¡¯t. It was me ¡­ Emma! And now everything is destroyed, and I¡¯ll never go back. ¡°I¡¯m not you!¡± I spit angrily, I shove his chest hard, the emotion bubbling up, ready to burst forth. That inner self-doubt and fear flooding through. ¡°I can¡¯t just have sex then shrug it off meaninglessly.¡± Why did he have to say it like that? Like this is nothing. This is why I should have never let it get this far. ¡°You think that¡¯s what I¡¯m going to do?¡± instant hurt, then anger, all at the same time, his arms tensing over me, keeping us apart to re eye on eye. His face a picture of rage and betrayal but I am so far gone in my own mind. ¡°Maybe I should ask Marissa!¡± I snap at him, close to breaking down. Jealousy ripping through me at saying her name. Heart wrenching pain hitting me hard and my own eyes smarting with the instant need to cry. Is that what he does? Screws and then forgets it ¡­ Is this who he is? Why am I shocked at this? ¡­ I know that¡¯s who he is ¡­ I¡¯ve seen it a million times. ¡°Fuuuck ¡­ Emma.¡± He groans, dropping his face into his hand, rolling onto his back, away from me once more. It sounds like he¡¯s asking god for strength as he pushes up and moves awaypletely, jumping to his feet and stalking off toward the bathroom to deal with the condom. I turn away, I don¡¯t want to see him naked. Not now ¡­ Not ever again. I leap up, fully submerged in emotional madness and regret, and run to my room. I m the door, locking it behind me and brace myself behind it panting, unable to reel in the chaos inside of me. The beginning of a panic attack overwhelming me. I let him kiss me ¡­ I let him have sex with me ¡­ I let him touch me in ces with his mouth no one ever has ¡­ How can I go back to normal after this? How can I just rewind and delete what happened? It¡¯s monumental. It changes everything between us; how I feel about him. A minuteter he pounds the door behind me violently, causing me to jump and hold the handle tightly. My heart racing in sudden fear and I just can¡¯t face him. ¡°Emma, open the fucking door.¡± He sounds livid. ¡°No.¡± If I do, I¡¯ll break, and I can¡¯t break, I have to stay strong. I need to put distance between us, until I can get a grip on what we¡¯ve done. ¡°You¡¯re being childish ¡­ We need to talk about this.¡± He¡¯s enraged and it just closes me down more. ¡°Why?¡± I spit. So, he can inform me that it¡¯s casual sex, and I¡¯m making a mountain out of a molehill. Is this the chat he has with every woman he fucks? ¡°For god¡¯s sake ¡­ This is the fucking problem with you, Emma. You¡¯re like a fucking swing door.¡± He raps the wood with a p, and I jump, still clinging to the handle. What the hell does that mean? He¡¯s the one with the crazy moods and bad temper. I re at the door and flinch away when he pounds on it again. My body a trembling bag of nerves at his reaction. Seriously, Jake! ¡°Open the door or I¡¯ll fucking kick it in.¡± He is beyond mad, and sounds terrifying ¡­ I¡¯m scared, I¡¯ve never known him this insane; Jake has never intimidated me before in this way. Maybe the night he beat Ray, but now I¡¯m shaking so badly I think I may throw up or pass out. I believe him, that he will kick the door in, he¡¯s strong enough. Angry enough. And it makes me pale. Memories of a thousand angry men flitting through my brain as my blood runs cold and I shrink back. ¡°Jake, you¡¯re frightening me,¡± I cry out desperately, my voice overtaken with emotion. Tears stinging my eyes. My body trembling as I revert to teen Emma. He seems to still for a long drawn out pause. ¡°Open the door. Please,¡± he switches to talking through gritted teeth, lowering his voice as though he¡¯s trying to quell his temper and soften, but he¡¯s still so pissed. The shrill tone of the buzzer of our room door goes and he curses, only quieter, as though he¡¯s turned his face away from me. Chapter 84 Chapter 84 Go away, Jake. I silently pray. ¡°Emma, open the door ¡­ For the love of god.¡± He returns, his voice calmer, yet still booming through at me. ¡°Someone¡¯s at the door, Jake ¡­¡± Go answer it and leave me alone to freak out. Leave me to calm down and stop shaking like a leaf. I¡¯m trying to sound cold and cool, but I¡¯m petrified. ¡°I don¡¯t give a fuck, now open the door ¡­ Why are you hiding?¡± he¡¯s exasperated, hurt. Why am I hiding? Because I¡¯m scared ¡­ The overwhelming realization of what I¡¯ve just done is drowning me. Jake¡¯s anger and aggression are scaring me. I¡¯m suffocating, and I can¡¯t think straight. I can¡¯t look at him ¡­ How could I? I¡¯ve just seen every part of him naked and let him do things to me; intimate things ¡­ Pleasurable things! For the first time in my life they didn¡¯t feel wrong, yet I experience the most guilt and shame I¡¯ve ever felt. It¡¯s too much. My head feels like it¡¯s going to self-implode, taking my body with it. The buzzer goes again, only this time longer and repetitive, someone making it clear they have no intention of going away. He thumps the door once more, making me jerk, as he storms away, cursing. Whoever is out there is persistent, and he knows they¡¯re not going to just leave. I run to grab a robe, now that I know he¡¯s gone. I¡¯m vibrating all over and I know it¡¯s not just from fear. My body is still reeling from what he did to me; the overwhelming climax that rocked my entire world. I pull off the remains of my clothes until I¡¯m fully naked and swathe myself in the plush bathrobe, hoping to feel more secure. Hoping to feel a slight releasing of this crazy cold fear. There are voices in the room ¡­ I can¡¯t make them out, but one is Jake and one sounds like it might be female. Who¡¯s he talking to? My curiosity calms me, nosiness bing the overriding emotion, pulling me out of my own head. A little green-eyed monster pushing herself out, knowing he¡¯s with a woman out there and my suspicion is peaked. At least it means he¡¯s leaving me alone, for that I¡¯m grateful, but I need to calm down and pull myself together. I need to get my emotions in check. I¡¯ve no idea what I¡¯m going to do, I need to think, work out the next course of action, put it all back in the little ck box. I still hear the voices; they¡¯re raised now, and I hold still. I strain to hear, but I¡¯m scared to get too close to the door. I don¡¯t know how to navigate this ¡­ I don¡¯t know how to fix what I¡¯ve done. What happens now? I don¡¯t want to be another one of his y mates, he picks up and drops on a whim ¡­ ¡­ How could that work when I¡¯m with him all of the time? I pale at the sudden realization. He won¡¯t want me around anymore, if I¡¯m just another fuck buddy. He never keeps any of them around; he doesn¡¯t date anyone beyond a month at most, and never goes back to dating someone he¡¯s seen before. Very rarely anyway. It¡¯s not his style to back track. We can¡¯t work together if this is what we do. Have done. He¡¯ll rece me. Fire me. I¡¯m not sure I want to do that again anyway ¡­ I¡¯m dirty and ashamed for letting this happen. I did what every other female on the does. I fell at the feet of Jake Carrero and gave him all of me. I am no better than any other women he has ever had sex with. No, in fact I am worse! I am a broken, emotionally messed-up woman who turns every little act into a huge brain fuck and over thinks every tiny detail. I am a woman who let herself fall for him, despite knowing what he is. Why would he want to deal with all the mess that I am? The voices in the room have moved away and I realize they¡¯re more muffled than they should be. Whoever is here has been moved to his room, and he¡¯s shut the door. I physically slump, knowing he would only take someone whose shared his bed into his room to talk. Someone here in a non- professional manner. Despite all my inner chaos, this thought causes a sharp pain in my chest. I pull the robe tighter around me and slowly slide forward to unlock the door, peeking out as I do. I can see his from here and it¡¯s shut, the sitting area clear. My hands trembling, I move out slowly, pulling the robe tighter. Fear giving way to paranoia as my gut aches with warning. I can see the remains of my skirt and panties on the floor nearby and Jake¡¯s clothes are still lying in a heap. Whoever came here would have seen them too. I move out to try and listen. My turmoil held in check for the time being. I want to know who¡¯s here and in his room with him. I want to know if it¡¯s one of his y mates, even though I don¡¯t have the right to care. It¡¯s getting to me on extreme levels, jealousy eating away inside. Agonizing. I get close enough to distinguish the voices and freeze as the raised clear voice that¡¯s overly familiar to me hits me like a ton of bricks ¡­ That snarly, whiny, bitch of a voice. I gasp as my ribs retract and my heart thumps against them painfully. Marissa Hartley! Fuck. Chapter 31 I hurriedly pick up the remains of my clothes from the floor and throw them in the bin. I leave his clothes folded on a chair in the room and discard the condom packet in the kitchen waste bin. I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m trying to hide this now, she¡¯s already seen it, and I¡¯m guessing by the raised voices, she¡¯s making it clear. Like a guilty, dirty secret, I¡¯m his mistress and she¡¯s the wife showing up and catching us. I¡¯m scurrying around trying to erase what I¡¯ve done; I¡¯m also trying not to listen at the door and my heart is doing some sort of ¡°Cha Cha¡± as I rush in circles. I¡¯mpletely out of control, all traces of PA Emma banished, my palms are mmy and cold, and I feel physically sick. I creep back to my room and turn on the shower. I need to clean his smell off me, eradicate the memory of how he felt. I need to wipe away my shame and get back that cool calm PA who would know how to handle this ¡­ That¡¯s one of her job skills ¡­ Handling awkward situations. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. The water¡¯s hot and harsh, but I don¡¯t care. I want it to punish me. I want it to scold the crap out of me and take away the lingering feel of his touch, his skin on mine. His kiss, his hands, his smell ¡­ Him inside of me. I can¡¯t bear to think about how it felt. Not now. Not ever. I¡¯m running ¡­ I know I am ¡­ Mentally pulling away at speed and ramming myself back into that tiny box in my head, that safe concealed, controlled box where my life is one long mass of tick boxes and orderly lists. No emotions and noplications. I can handle that life, because I control every part of it; there are no surprises, no unnned events. No feelings that can rip your soul to shreds. No one to reject you. Coming to work for Jake had been a mistake. From day one he made me question myself over and over, made me forget and lose my reserve, made me rx too much. He has a way of making me lose sight of who I am and what I am doing. He let that part of me I lock away, slide out, and I hate it; he makes me feel unsteady and vulnerable and I can¡¯t do this. How can I go back to before? He¡¯s unraveled me in so many ways. I¡¯m more broken now than I ever was. * * * When I emerge, I¡¯m wearing my workout clothes, a clear n in my head and I¡¯m more optimistic. Determined. I¡¯m going to go running, clear my mind and get the hell away from him for a while, until I can reel in my thoughts and feelings. I also need to put a huge sea of space between Marissa and myself, simply because I can¡¯t stand her, or the fact she¡¯s here with him. I don¡¯t know how she fits in, or what she means to him anymore. What I am in this mess. I don¡¯t intend to find out. My heart is aching, but my defense system is connecting, and I just need air. My damp hair is tied up the best it can be, now it¡¯s so short, and my sneakers are on my feet. It¡¯s quiet. I assume they¡¯re still in his room, doing god knows what. I don¡¯t even want to think about it. I open the door, pulling my hooded top on and zipping it over my sports crop top in a distracted movement, but freeze as I catch sight of him sitting alone on the couch, facing my door. Pausing mid- movement, and then continuing to haul on my jacket, I try to ignore that he¡¯s watching me in an unsettling, silent way. His expression bleak, he¡¯s still topless, wearing jeans and bare feet and I gulp, so easily affected by him. Chapter 85 Chapter 85 He looks poster boy sexy, ruffled, but totally stressed; his arms are up and resting on top of his head in a pose that just screams ¡°My life is fucking over¡±. I falter, but he says nothing, just sighs; still watching me and I force myself to walk into the room. I look around for his guest and note his door is shut. ¡°She¡¯s in there ¡­ It was Marissa.¡± He points out darkly. I say nothing, just chew my lip nervously. My heart¡¯s pounding so hard I think I may have a heart attack and I want him to stop staring at me. He¡¯s making me even more nervous than I already am, dissolving my resolve. ¡°Are you done having your after-sex crisis?¡± his tone droll, I flinch at his words but ignore them and take a slow breath. ¡°I¡¯m going running ¡­ I need some air.¡± I respond quietly. Unable to meet his eyes. Focusing on putting my iPod in my holder on my arm, and plugging the headphones in. ¡°How appropriate, Emma,¡± he sneers at me. I re at him, but move to the side, to walk around the furniture for the door. He jumps up, leaping easily over the couch and standing face to face with me, blocking my route menacingly. He towers above me, anger all over his face and I hesitate. ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°What? You¡¯re going to stop me from leaving?¡± I reel back in trepidation. A little unsure of him right now. ¡°If I have to.¡± He looks sardonic and I back off unsurely. ¡°You want a cozy chat with me and Marissa, do you?¡± I can¡¯t help with the sarcasm; he¡¯s knocked me off bnce with his behavior and I¡¯m just reacting. Why am I being this way? ¡­ Why is he? What¡¯s wrong with us? We should be able to just go back to before. He steps back, seemingly stung by what I said and rubs a hand over his face, losing his menacing re. He scrubs his fingers through his unruly hair, looking deste and I get a twang of guilt and pity, but I steel myself to stay still. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°Things are fucked, Emma ¡­¡± His voice wavers, he sounds exhausted, just like I am. That¡¯s an understatement if I ever heard one, and I¡¯m heartbroken that he¡¯s now only realizing this! He lifts his hand, cupping my cheek and runs his thumb across my mouth unexpectedly, causing me to flinch at his touch, at the surprise of such a tender motion. He withdraws as if I¡¯ve scolded him, puts both hands into his pockets instead. He looks like a child and turns his face away, hunching his shoulders. It makes me ache to reach out for him, but I still my hands by my side. I have more control than this. I need to do this. ¡°Are you going to fire me?¡± I ask tly; I need to know ¡­ I need to prepare myself. Figure out where I go from here. ¡°Why would you ask me that?¡± he snaps, his fiery green gaze on me, anger instantly returning. Oh ¡­ I don¡¯t know maybe because you¡¯ve another woman sitting, waiting in your bedroom, and coitus is not part of my pre-arranged employment contract. ¡°I need to know where I stand.¡± Is all I say, cool and crisp, devoid of my betraying emotions. He snorts as if I¡¯ve said something outrageous, then mumbles something that sounds like ¡°you and me both¡±. I¡¯m not sure, but I ignore it anyway. ¡°Why is she here?¡± I nod toward the door behind him fighting that inner twang of pain. Jealousy. He stops for a moment, as if he¡¯s trying to find the words, then just says it. ¡°Marissa¡¯s pregnant ¡­ I fucked up.¡± He blows it out. It¡¯s as though he¡¯s punched me full force in the stomach, I¡¯m reeling and dying all at the same time ¡­ Unable to really take in his devastated expression fully. What the hell? Nausea rises quickly and spins head, before I can grasp control. It¡¯s as unexpected as thest time I fainted and fueled by the instant carnage of his words. ¡°Whoa, Emma.¡± He grabs my arms as I crumble and rights me against him, jumping the couch to stand t on the floor with me, the familiar feel of his body and touch acting like an anchor for my spiraling mind, stopping me from fully nking out. ¡°Sit.¡± He barks and yanks me around the arm and down toward the couch beside him, he draws me in, sitting me quickly. I grasp my face and sink my head between my knees, trying to push the tilting sensation away. Trying to stop the overwhelming urge to throw up. ¡°That doctor was fucking useless,¡± he hisses and rubs my back. ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I lie. ¡°Stop swearing.¡± I can¡¯t lift my head just yet or I may actually die ¡­ I think I¡¯m losing the ability to see. Everything is swimming and heat has washed up from my toes in a sickening wave. My body is tingling and not in a good way. ¡°You¡¯re not fine, Emma ¡­You¡¯re getting seen by someone else.¡± ¡°Stop it!¡± I snap and sit up, swaying a little, grasping his wrist. ¡°It¡¯s dizziness, that¡¯s all. I¡¯ve had a shock okay ¡­ You just told me you¡¯re going to be a father, just after we ¡­ For fuck¡¯s sake.¡± I snap, and he stops dead; paling visibly, he slumps down and exhales slowly. ¡°You¡¯re not the only one, okay.¡± Ironically put. ¡°When did she tell you?¡± I try and sit up unaided, swaying a little, but feeling less likely to keel over. Trying to figure out how long he has been seeing her. Did he sleep with me, behind her back? ¡°A couple of days ago.¡± He sighs looking down at hisp. That exins his monumentally shitty mood for the past couple of days, and hints at just how unhappy he is about this. ¡°What are you going to do? ¡­ Marry her?¡± my voice falters so full of anguish. Why do I sound so childlike? Oh, I don¡¯t know, maybe because the thought of Jake marrying her is killing me. I¡¯m hushed by the twisted frown he throws at me. Okay, maybe we don¡¯t live in the neenth century anymore, but I¡¯m sure Father Carrero will have something to say about a namesake being born out of wedlock. His father is a traditionalist after all. ¡°No, I¡¯m not going to ask her to marry me, because I knocked her up, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m not that stupid.¡± I remember him telling me about his father marrying his mother on a whim and I realize why. Jake has more sense. Thank god. ¡°What then?¡± Why do I even care? I shouldn¡¯t care. I¡¯ve royally fucked over my job, our friendship, and my life. It won¡¯t be long before I no longer work for the Carrero empire at all. I shouldn¡¯t care about this; I shouldn¡¯t be experiencing that aching pain in my heart and chest at this fact. I¡¯ve blurred the lines of how I should feel about him, and I need to bring them back into focus. My head is aplete mess. ¡°It¡¯splicated.¡± He looks torn, that hint of lost little boy and it hurts me. Even after all this, I still care about how he feels. I¡¯m pathetic. ¡°Asplicated as what we just did?¡± I flush as I realize the voice that said it was mine. Mouth, why do you hate me so? ¡°Contrary to what your crazy little head tells you, Emma. There was nothingplicated about that,¡± his t tone and angry expression shut me up and I redden, squirming under his scrutinous re. What does that even mean? Oh, wait ¡­ It¡¯s just sex, Emma ¡­ Right? I turn my face away and stare at my hands. Tears burning my throat. ¡°It was Marissa ¡­¡± he says it so quietly that I almost don¡¯t hear him. ¡°What was?¡± I flick upright, snapped around by his random deration. ¡°When I was sixteen ¡­ When you asked me about the girl I loved.¡± He stares at the floor and not at me, his hands t on the couch. I¡¯ve nothing to say, no words filter through my brain ¡­ I just gawk at him as he frowns back at me. I¡¯m stilled by the shock and heavy thud inside my chest, nausea swirling back up violently as each syble registers and I absorb the confession. I think my heart gives out completely. I don¡¯t want it to be her, anyone else, just not her. Why did it have to be her? Was that some female intuition all along, inside of me screaming that she¡¯s meant more to him? ¡°I was with her for a year ¡­ I was mad about her.¡± He sounds like he doesn¡¯t believe it himself. A dryness to his tone. I don¡¯t want to hear this. I can¡¯t bear it. ¡°What happened?¡± I croak. Mouth? Were you not listening to my brain when it said I don¡¯t want to hear? He looks ufortable and gets up to walk across to the table near my bedroom door. He pushes around some weird modern wooden sculpture there, the tension running through him as he searches for the words. I¡¯m frozen and holding my breath, a sea of emotions aching inside. ¡°She broke my heart, Emma ¡­ She fucked my best friend.¡± He drops the sculpture back in ce. Chapter 86 Chapter 86 Oh my god. Why would anyone want to cheat on him? I mean look at him. Why would she want to hurt him? I shake my head as if I can¡¯t believe it. I don¡¯t want her to be the one. Is she the reason he¡¯s the way he is? Why he keeps women at arm¡¯s length, and it¡¯s just sex and fun? Did having his first love savagely rip his heart open make him unable to trust women in his life? Keeping them all at a distance, the way I do with everyone else. ¡°Why did you start seeing her again?¡± It¡¯s out before I can stop it. Do I want to hear him tell me how he¡¯s never got over her? No, I don¡¯t. He shrugs and gazes at me intensely. ¡°It¡¯splicated.¡± When is it ever not? ¡°Stop saying that,¡± I wail, instantly on my feet and I¡¯m angry. Why? Because he¡¯s my Jake. Not hers. I want him to want me, and only me; I know it¡¯s never going to be that way and it ruins every part of me. Rages and burns that once, long ago she had exactly that and she threw it all away. She was aplete idiot! ¡°Emma ¡­ What do you want me to say?¡± he moves to me, and pushes me back to sit down, so he¡¯s standing over me. ¡°You think I nned any of this shit?¡± he looks broken, eyes damp and face unreadable, yet somehow sad. ¡°Do you love her?¡± I ask of him,plete fear gripping me inside and I almost sob it out in desperation. Don¡¯t cry ¡­ Please don¡¯t cry. Not here. Not now. Not in front of Jake. Disbelief shes across his face and I can¡¯t read it. I¡¯m scared of his answer, so I cover his mouth. ¡°Don¡¯t.¡± I¡¯m shaking my head. ¡°I don¡¯t want to know.¡± He grasps my hands and pulls them away. ¡°Emma, it¡¯s not what you think,¡± he pleads, his body trying to cage me in against him, but I resist. No? What do I think? ¡­ What could be worse than this? ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ I can¡¯t right now ¡­ I just need to go.¡± I shove him away, lost in teen Emma mode and rejecting contact, while my heart is crushing in on itself. ¡°Stay, Emma, please. We need to talk.¡± He¡¯s trying to pull my arms to him, but I¡¯m pushing him off. Marissa is right there in the next room, she¡¯s pregnant with his baby. She¡¯s the first love of his life. She¡¯s the reason he avoids rtionships. What am I supposed to think? She¡¯s the reason I¡¯ll never have a chance with him. ¡°I need air ¡­ space ¡­ Jake ¡­ I need space.¡± I gulp down tears and panic, and finally throw his hands off me. He lets me go and moves back rejected, he¡¯s letting me leave, but I don¡¯t want to go anymore. I don¡¯t know what to do. I hesitate. He says nothing, just gives me his boyish wary look, his frown deepening. I can¡¯t stay here, so I go into automatic pilot. I stalk toward the door, pulling up my hood, and don¡¯t look back, knowing that walking out is the only choice I have. I don¡¯t look back, even when I hear him call my name. * * * I run about three blocks before I stop and let the heart wrenching pain overtake me. I cry like I did the night he left me on that boat, and I think I may actually die this time. If my lungs don¡¯t self-implode, I think my heart might. The pain is unbearable and raw, and I¡¯ve never willingly exposed myself to enduring it this way, except that night. I sit on a bench cradling my head between my knees and I think I may even throw up; this isn¡¯t my life ¡­ My life is calm and easy and straightforward. My job, my apartment, my responsibilities. They all slot into ce and I manage them all well. This isn¡¯t really happening. I¡¯m in a parallel universe, or I¡¯m dreaming. I¡¯ll wake at any minute and this will all have been one long, bad dream. Except I know that it¡¯s not. Meeting Jake has slowly changed it all, he is too potent to be around, changing me, changing how I think and live, until I don¡¯t feel like I am in control anymore. Is this how we got here? This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. * * * I finally start walking back to the hotel, I don¡¯t know how long I¡¯ve been, but I¡¯m calm, and my tears have dried on their own, my face tight and swollen, but I don¡¯t care anymore. I¡¯ve been through so many emotions these past weeks; I think I¡¯m slowly losing my mind. I¡¯m definitely losing the grip on my control. I don¡¯t even know how to w it back. The room is dark and empty, I¡¯ve been gone for two hours ording to the wall clock ticking loudly in the modern suite. There¡¯s a light under Jake¡¯s bedroom door. It halts me. Pain clenching in my chest that he¡¯s in there with her. Is this how it¡¯s always going to be? There¡¯s always going to be me, deste, alone on one side, and Jake on the other side of a bedroom door with another woman? Isn¡¯t that what this is all really about? Except I know this isn¡¯t all on him ¡­ I¡¯m incapable of letting him get close to me, even if he actually wanted to try. I¡¯m afraid of what that means, what that will feel like; too much has happened. Even if he told me he wanted me and only me, then how would that work? I don¡¯t see how this could get any better, it¡¯s better if we forget it ever happened, it¡¯s better if we just act like we did before the kiss in the kitchen and go back to an easier time. Can I do that? Can he? Can I bear it? I¡¯m going to have to if I want to keep my job, and I do. I love working with him, I love being his right hand, but surely that in itself is half the problem. We crossed the line and now I¡¯ll never be able to just be what I was. Because I love Jake. Shit. I love him. ¨C I think I already knew that though. I push the door of my room open and halt suddenly. Jake¡¯sid on my bed, illuminated by themp beside him with hisptop on his thighs. He¡¯s been waiting on me, his cell tossed carelessly in the center of the bed, beside mine. I guess he tried to call me and found mine left behind. He flits his gaze from the screen, up to me and closes it silently, without breaking eye contact. He looks every bit like the CEO he was the first time I ever met him. Mature and poised. In control. It makes me ache so badly. ¡°We need to talk.¡± His voice is steady and deep, hoarse from tiredness as my inner confidence slides silently from deep within and makes a quick exit via the door. I swallow and take a deep steadying breath, suddenly coy and afraid. I¡¯m better than that and move coolly into the room to start removing my hooded top, all control being forced back in ce, hiding my inner turmoil, hours of tears giving me some of my facade back. I can do this. ¡°Can I have a shower first? I¡¯m sweating from my run.¡± That¡¯s a lie as I barely ran anywhere, I just don¡¯t want to do this. I want him to leave. I need space to function and deal with the unavoidable fact that I¡¯m in love with a guy who can¡¯t love me back. ¡°No ¡­ I¡¯ve waited long enough.¡± He bristles, the feel his eyes on my back. I kick my running shoes off and slide them under the vanity with my toes, smooth fluid movement, giving nothing away about the tension and panic rising in my throat. So, this is where Emma has been hiding ¡­ Finally. Great time to make aeback. ¡°Fine, but be brief, I want to go to sleep.¡± The tone is cold. I can¡¯t help it, PA Emma is my dominant self, who slides in effortlessly to protect me whenever she feels me falter, and tonight I have fallen so far from my tree. I have fallen in love with Casanova Carrero, and I am drowning. I can tell by his slow, steady intake of breath his anger is still hanging around between us. He pauses, and I nce in the mirror slightly to see what he¡¯s doing; he¡¯s looking at his hands, on the bed, and frowning, contemting his next move and he isn¡¯t happy. I¡¯ve rarely seen him lost for words; I feel hopeless watching the anguish rush across his brow, I can tell he¡¯s trying to decide what he wants to say next. ¡°Is this how it will always be, Emma?¡± tone defeated, and I cave inside. Why can¡¯t I just be honest with him for once? Why can¡¯t I tell him about the chaos that goes on inside my head? Why can I never just talk to him the way he talks to me? Why can¡¯t I tell him that I¡¯m being this way because I love him, and it kills me to know it¡¯s unrequited. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I ask steadily and coolly, making slow, deliberate movements to untie my hair, maintaining that outward poise, despite the internal shaking and nausea. I want to wipe this day out and start again, go back to safer ground. ¡°One step forward, and six steps back,¡± he mutters quietly to no one in particr, a tone of detion in his voice. I can still see him in the corner of the mirror, his body slumped in a non-Carrero way. I can¡¯t help but long for the strong curve of his shoulders to return. He looks so vulnerable suddenly. ¡°I¡¯ve called Ryan¡¯s, the jet is being prepared to take us back to New York, tonight ¡­ Pack.¡± He slides from the bed, scooping up hisptop and cell and stalks to the door, stopping briefly. He stares at my back; I catch sight of him in the mirror and look away from the angry sh across his face. His body locked in a disturbing pose that says he¡¯s beyond done with me. ¡°I used to think all you needed was time ¡­To learn to trust me, but now I see that talking about this is pointless. You don¡¯t need time, Emma ¡­ I was fucking wrong.¡± He storms out, mming the door as a a wave of pain slides over me. I bite my lip to hold the tremble still and push down the threatening tears. He has no clue how much I trust him, no clue whatsoever. I wouldn¡¯t have let him do those things to me otherwise; it¡¯s better this way, better that he¡¯s pissed. Better that he never knows the truth. We won¡¯t talk about what we did, maybe we can start over again tomorrow. We¡¯re getting good at sweeping everything under the rug. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I can at least fool myself into hoping that¡¯s how this will be. For now. Chapter 87 Chapter 87 We get to the airfield in the dark. Marissa is traveling with us, invading my territory and I resent her presence. She¡¯s wearing Jake¡¯s sunsses over her pale face, despite thete hour; I¡¯m guessing she has puffy eyes from crying, and even that tiny little detail causes me so much internal trauma. Those sses are always meant for me, not her. She looks effortlessly seductive in a clingy cream dress, showcasing her curves and long curled hair. She hasn¡¯t said one word since the tense meeting in the room as we left and then drove over here in hostile silence. I avoid looking at her, and him, he¡¯s ushering her onto the ne like she¡¯s some petnt child. His hand asionally touching her lightly to guide her and burning my soul. He¡¯s avoided me since he left my room, his manner toward me is cool and distant and I can¡¯t stand it. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. Maybe it¡¯s better like this. There¡¯s been icy silence, avoidance of eye contact between any of us and an atmosphere so thick you could slice it with a knife. Marissa is acting like I don¡¯t even exist and hasn¡¯t once looked my way. Not that I care. That wless face and pouting mouth only ignite my internal rage and I wonder how she would look with myptop rammed down her throat. I sit alone on the left of the aisle and pull out myptop to give me something to focus on, besides the last few hours. I don¡¯t want to open my mind to what I did with him, and I can¡¯t bring myself to look at him with her. I don¡¯t want to see his nk expression, devoid of any emotion, cutting me off. They both go to sit over the aisle, facing one another across a small table. I try not to watch as she attempts a reach at his hand. My stomach tightens but he removes it from the table, returning it to his lap coolly and they sit in silence, tension heavy. I want him to move and sit somewhere else, away from her, or across from me instead. He doesn¡¯t. I watch from the corner of my eye, breath held, she¡¯s pouting at him, but he ignores her. Shifting in his seat so that he can look out of the window instead, he doesn¡¯t seem to have anything to say to either of us. I guess Jake has never had to deal with a messy situation like this before. He never really oveps women so that anye face to face. And anyone he dates normally knows it¡¯s temporary and doesn¡¯t make a fuss. This, however, is beyond awkward. Two women who actually love him and want more. Although he only knows about her because I¡¯ll never admit it. * * * I attempt to work through the flight as I have enough to keep me upied, to pretend to anyway, and I¡¯m aware of him for the entire journey. His closeness across the aisle, his scent lingering between us. We¡¯re not far apart, but it feels like there¡¯s a canyon between us. A million miles of vast baronnd and he¡¯s so un-reachable, like I¡¯ve lost him. He¡¯s using hisptop, but unlike me he¡¯s not as focused and wired into it the way I¡¯m trying to be, he keeps staring pensively out of the window and fixing a nk gaze at the darkness outside. His mood is preupied. I wonder what he¡¯s thinking about and it tugs at me. I long to know what¡¯s keeping his head busy as he stares silently into nothing. Is he thinking about what we did? Or is he thinking about the baby and her? I want to know how you feel, Jake, about all of it. This is sheer agony. I long to be alone with him and have him tell me what¡¯s going on in that dark look and still face. I know I never will again, we¡¯ve reached an impasse. The only way forward doesn¡¯t bear thinking about and I was right about what would happen. I try not to look at Marissa, now sound asleep in her chair, his sunsses still in ce on her wless face. We contrast in so many ways so only our hair color matches. She¡¯s small and curvy with deep dark eyes and a sensual mouth, everything about her scream¡¯s exotic beauty. Her figure curvy, yet not overweight, her breastsrger than average and they look natural. She¡¯s a born seductress in every way and I never stood a chance against her. We¡¯re unevenly matched. How could I everpare to her? I¡¯m small and petite with average curves, average face, average Emma. Pale and blonde with no sexy skills at all. She¡¯s the first girl he ever loved, and now she¡¯s carrying his child. She isn¡¯t some damaged mess, unable to rx and let Jake in fully, she¡¯s not some girl he just screwed out of frustration on the bedroom floor to cure weird tension between us. That was me! I watch him longingly, knowing I never stood a chance against him, or with him. How could I? Some worthless little tramp from Chicago with hopes of grandeur, no way of knowing how to deal with the force that is Jake Carrero. I have deluded myself for so long. He¡¯s always been out of my league. Chapter 88 Chapter 88 I finally get home to the apartment in the early hours; Jake had two cars awaiting us at the airfield, so I didn¡¯t need to share the journey to his apartment first. This was a new move for him, we¡¯ve always shared carsing home, so this spoke volumes about what he¡¯s feeling about me. He never looked at me once in our entire trip. At the car, he just guided Marissa into his and departed, left me standing in the dark with Jefferson. Empty and broken hearted, aching to have him say something, anything to me. I almost burst into tears right then and there. Sarah¡¯s in bed and I know, without checking, that Marcus is here too, I can sense his presence in the house and smell his scent lingering in the air. Cheap cologne and deodorant. The thought makes me uptight, but I ignore it and go to bed, taking sleeping pills before Iy down. I¡¯m going to need them; my head is so full to bursting that I know if I even try and extract one tiny piece it will unravel like a chaos of stic bands. That I¡¯ll unravel, and I¡¯m so done with that kind of pain and turmoil. * * * I wake to the sounds of Sarah making breakfast, my head groggy, but at least I managed to sleep. A dreamless ck haze and the usual night tremors waking me early before I finally dozed again. The aftereffects of the pills are not great, my mouth is fuzzy, and I feel hungover, so I venture through in my robe for a drink, seeing her moving from stove to worktop effortlessly. The kitchen has always been her territory and it shows in her graceful, easy movements. She seems different this morning though, tired, and uptight. ¡°Hey,¡± I breathe, and she startles at my voice then breaks into a warm smile. I notice theck luster in her normally bright eyes causing the hint of concern to unravel inside of me. ¡°Hey, stranger ¡­ God, I love your hair, when did you do that?¡± she gushes at me, the tight look dissipating quickly. I automatically reach up and tug on a strand self-consciously and shrug. ¡°Felt like a change.¡± I respond emptily. Has it really been that long since we have been in each other¡¯spany? ¡°You look so different ¡­ So un-Emma,¡± she giggles and continues to work, returning to the stove. ¡°You hungry?¡± she goes back to focusing on the batter she¡¯s mixed up and drops some in the pan she¡¯s oiled. ¡°Not really.¡± I answer tightly. How can I tolerate food while my insides are violently rejecting life? I notice the pile of letters on the surface and rake through to give myself a task, flinching at the ones addressed to Marcus and cast her an usatory look. ¡°So, were you going to inform me I had a new roommate?¡± I utter quietly, catching her pause for a second, the whisk stills, then resumes. ¡°I really didn¡¯t think you would care, Emma ¡­ You¡¯re never here ¡­ I get so lonely.¡± Her voice wavers and I¡¯m hit by sudden guilt from her admission. Lonely? Sarah? The bright and sassy soul of the party, surrounded by her chef friends and busywork schedule ¡­ Since when? I rake her up and down, my mind racing over recent months, pushing further back ¡­ I guess I have never realized, always focusing on my own turmoil, and keeping her at arm¡¯s length. I regret it instantly, as though for the first time, seeing it from a different viewpoint. I¡¯ve left her alone so many times, assuming she has everything she needs. That she didn¡¯t need me. No one else ever did and I never gave her a second thought. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sarah,¡± my voice breaks unexpectedly, my emotions just tumbling out from a deep recess as the walls start to crumble; her head snaps around, staring at me in confusion. Overwhelming shame and guilt hits me hard in the gut, almost winding me and I struggle to inhale. ¡°I¡¯m sorry that I¡¯ve been such a shit friend ¡­ And a worse roommate.¡± The dam I¡¯ve been holding back all-night bursts, such a tiny reason to fall apart, yet here it is, that extra nudge of my vulnerable emotional bubble and it pops. Magnificently. Truly losing the plot, Emma! ¡°Hey ¡­ hey, shhhh.¡± She drops her pan anddle, rushing to my side and cradling me awkwardly in her arms as the tears start to course down my face in a wild torrent. ¡°Where the hell has thise from, and what have you done with Emma?¡± sheughs, an anxious edge in her voice as her breath warms my hair and it pains me even more, it reminds me of him. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I sniff and try to reel myself back in, embarrassed by my behavior, but in a way relieved. Sarah has never seen this side of me and maybe it¡¯s time I let her in on the fact that I¡¯m not the strong capable shell of a person she has known so long, after all - I am so tired of pretending. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry, Sarah.¡± I stutter incoherently, my face damp and dripping. ¡°Emma you¡¯re scaring me ¡­ This is so not you ¡­ To be honest, I don¡¯t actually know how to react.¡± There¡¯s a definite edge of wary, still holding me awkwardly because we¡¯ve never hugged before; so, this is monumental. I stand up, pushing the bar stool aside and wrap my arms around her fully, giving her the most Jake- like bear hug I can muster. I did learn from the best after all. At least he taught me that. This girl has been there in times when I was no one and I¡¯ve pushed her so far into the background of my life in a bid to forget who I was that I forgot about her, how much she used to mean to me. I¡¯ve left her floundering in my past and never realized she needed a ce in my present. She squeezes me back, the hesitation in her falling away and she embraces me with equal vehemence. We stand this way for minutes.This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. When we part, there are tears in her eyes too, confused, unsure, but overwhelmed mostly and she keeps my hand in hers. ¡°I¡¯m different, Sarah ¡­ things ¡­ Jake ¡­ He¡¯s changed everything.¡± I smile through my pain, unable to exin. He has no idea what he¡¯s done to me, these months, these agonizing few days; he¡¯s opened a dam and I can¡¯t pull the flood waters back. He¡¯s broken me open and let the parts of me I try to contain leak out everywhere, the cracks growing so wide I can never piece them back together. He¡¯s made me face emotions I have always been so afraid of feeling, or letting other people see. I was selfish. Sarah deserves to see how much I care for her. Always have. ¡°Emma ¡­ I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s done or how, but I would really love to give him one huge kiss right now.¡± She grins at me, her eyes full of love and sincerity, but I only crumble again. Catching my sob in my throat, I begin to pour my soul out through my eyes as the ferocity of that mess hits me full whack. ¡°He¡¯s made me fall in love with him ¡­ But he doesn¡¯t love me back.¡± I cry at my own admission, broken by it and fall into the arms of my long forgotten best friend. Ready to unload the burden finally. * * * Marcus res at Sarah as he leaves the apartment, his bag over his shoulder as he heads out. She throws him a haughty look and turns back to me on the couch; they have been arguing over something pointless, now he is going to work. Apparently, this is normal for them. We¡¯re huddled together under a warm throw, drinking hot chocte, my emotions are calm finally. I haven¡¯t been able to tell her everything, there is too much to tell, too much to exin and I am still unable to just open up, even to her. Baby steps. She knows the basics of the story, how things built up to thest few days in the hotel room and having sex with Jake, then the appearance of Marissa. The final breaking of my heart on that horrible flight home. ¡°What was it like?¡± she asks, there¡¯s nothing in her face, curiosity maybe; trying to understand me, understand what I feel. ¡°Sex with him, I mean.¡± ¡°Amazing ¡­ Terrifying ¡­ Heartbreaking.¡± I answer honestly, because that¡¯s what having sex with him had been; to fall so deeply under his spell, even though I know it will go nowhere. The realization that I can never wipe it away and it will haunt me for an eternity. No one will everpare, in any way. Jake ¨C the ruiner of women. ¡°I can¡¯t get over the change in you, Ems,¡± Sarah points out in awe, her eyes wide with awe and she squeezes my hand across myp. ¡°I feel like I have my old Emma back, but somehow, she¡¯s different too. There has never really been this version of you, despite the heartbreak, you seem somehow, better.¡± ¡°New version?¡± I quiz, confused, smiling a little. Chapter 89 Chapter 89 ¡°Teenage Emma, only less aggressive.¡± She shrugs. ¡°And yet so much changed ¡­ emotional ¡­ open, and honest ¡­ even warm.¡± She giggles with an apologetic expression. ¡°You make me sound like I was awful to be friends with.¡± I chide softly, guilt coursing through me again. I lower myshes, ashamed in a way that I¡¯ve been this way toward her for so long. So blind to it. ¡°You have your charms, Ems ¡­ You¡¯ve no idea the allure you have, even when you¡¯re acting the ice maiden.¡± She smiles. ¡°There¡¯s always a hint of something more in you ¡­ Like it¡¯s just out of reach; I can see why Jake would pursue it ¡­ That elusive prize, always dangling out there, that door sitting ajar, waiting to be opened.¡± She grins at me, my face flushing with her version of how she sees me. It¡¯s so disconnected with who I am. Who I think I am, and my mind reels. Is she right? Does Jake see something worth chasing, worth holding on for, and trying to figure out? ¡°My messed-up brain.¡± I grimace sadly, she smiles back at me gently. Her eyes softening with understanding. ¡°Have you ever juste out and told him how you feel? He may surprise you.¡± She coaxes, cing a hand over mine once again. Why have I never done this? With Sarah I mean, this female bonding, sharing our problems, being real and letting someone else figure out your heartbreak with you. That shoulder to lean on. Because I¡¯m incapable of showing people that I¡¯m capable of being hurt, defensively protecting myself, always hiding. Jake has stripped me of my armor, slowly and surely. ¡°It¡¯s too hard.¡± I admit sadly. ¡°I¡¯m scared all the time, Sarah ¡­ Scared of what he¡¯ll say ¡­ Scared of what he¡¯s thinking ¡­ feeling ¡­ He¡¯splicated, he sleeps around ¡­ He has women at every city we go to, always at arm¡¯s length ¡­ He doesn¡¯t do love and I couldn¡¯t bear his rejection.¡± The words slice me open; I can¡¯t think about these women he has sex with, the pain is too acute. She¡¯s watching me carefully, sipping her cocoa and thinking. ¡°You think he wants to be with that girl though; Marissa?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, they have history ¡­ He seemed angry at her, but then he still brought her home with us and left the airport with her.¡± the tears tug at my eyes and I push them down. I shift to cross my legs under the throw and cradle my cup closer, in a bid to regain my equilibrium, feeling like the warmth is soothing me somehow. I can¡¯t analyze what is there between them, it¡¯s too painful. ¡°How did he take the news about the baby?¡± she pushes gently, but I just shake my head and shrug, I really am bewildered about all of that, I¡¯ve barely let my brain process that whole mess. ¡°He didn¡¯t seem happy ¡­ He closed up ¡­ Jake isn¡¯t ready for that kind ofmitment. He can¡¯t even commit to a girl, let alone a baby.¡± I sigh sadly. Isn¡¯t that where all my self-doubtes from? No ¡­ My self-doubt has always existed, always gnawing at me, reminding me how worthless I am, in the grand scheme of things. Having a father reject you and a mother who eternally put her own needs above you will do that to a person. I¡¯m a broken mess. I push it down hard, Sarah sighs heavily, mirroring how I feel; there isn¡¯t anything much to say on this subject. We¡¯ve dissected it all endlessly through three cups of cocoa. Finally, after a brief reflective silence, Sarah cuts in. ¡°Your mom keeps leaving messages on the answer machine ¡­ She knows you¡¯re never here and I know she has your cell number, so I guess she¡¯s not actually trying to contact you directly.¡± She pauses, hesitant for a second. ¡°I spoke to her briefly, she¡¯s doing well, her nurse is taking care of her.¡± She smiles at me gently. Sarah text me this all before and hadn¡¯t been surprised at my non-responses to her messages. I remain impassive making it clear my feelings have not changed. ¡°Did she mention her new beau?¡± I grit my teeth and slide the mug on the table, full of too many hot drinks with nausea rising. Sarah raises an eyebrow, then lets myment pass. I haven¡¯t told her about Ray ¡­ About what happened in Chicago. I will, I promise myself to tell Sarah everything, just not right now. This is all new to me, sharing ¡­ talking. ¡°Are you going to talk to her?¡± she asks instead, her bright blue eyes focused on my face. I¡¯m avoiding it, looking at my hands in myp, and I shake my head. How can I ever talk to her again? How can I ever go back there? Ray ¡­ Sophie ¡­ My past ¡­ Her past. It¡¯s one huge ball of string waiting to unravel, and I don¡¯t have the energy or the inclination to go there anymore. I have so many emotions about my mother, so much conflict, love, and hate. It¡¯s not something I can evaluate anytime soon. Especially not with all this new chaos overtaking me. ¡°What about the little girl?¡± Sarah asks as though reading my mind. I briefly told her, via text, and the odd call, about Sophie when all that happened. ¡°She¡¯s doing well ¡­ She¡¯s going through the process of being awarded a protection order, so she can stay with her new family without fear of being returned home. Her father will be prosecuted. She¡¯s in counseling ¡­¡± I sigh at Sarah. I have been keeping tabs on Sophie via Le, Jake¡¯s mother and via Sophie herself, in email. Jake told me his brother seems to have taken her under his protective wing, and she seems to trust him which is a good sign. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. That damned Carrero charm. ¡°You did for her what someone should have done for you, Ems.¡± Sarah is so direct and spot on that I snap my eyes to her, inhaling lightly. I want to deny it, want to brush it off like old Emma would, return to cold and controlled, ¡°no one hurts me¡±, but I don¡¯t. I bite my lip, pushing away the force of emotion and nod painfully. ¡°I know.¡± It sounds so sad it hurts me. Sarah¡¯s eyes widen, moisture zing them, she knows how hard my eptance is, how far I must havee to even admit this to her. She has seen the years of denial, bravery, and fight in me. She knows me better than anyone in the world ¡­ Well maybe, except for Jake. He has even carnal knowledge now. ¡°Promise me something.¡± She soothes with a shaky tone, a solitary tear rolling down her cheek. ¡°What?¡± Right now, I wouldn¡¯t deny her anything. I¡¯m responsible for her sadness, and it¡¯s aching inside of me. ¡°You won¡¯t go back into hiding ¡­ I want you to talk to a professional ¡­ Take this further, Ems ¡­ Regardless of what happens with Jake.¡± There¡¯s bravery in her eye, she¡¯s waiting for my reaction, pushing to see if I really am old Emma after all. This is a request she¡¯s made many times over the years. The same one Jake made, which sent me into a rage and used him of thinking me crazy. I bristle, old Emma habits are hard to kill. I stiffen as the defensive response forms on my lips impulsively, but I take a steadying breath, exhaling slowly to calm my reaction. ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡± It¡¯s all I can promise her, noting the tion in the depth of her eyes, the celebratory smile at the realization that something huge has changed within me. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s something to be all that happy about, but it is what it is. Jake has ruined all that I was. * * * I help Sarah clean the apartment inpanionable silence for the rest of the afternoon, we talked ourselves out and there¡¯s nothing more to say. I have so much to process on my own. She keeps catching my eye and shaking her head at me in awe. I don¡¯t think she can really ept that this is how I am now, as though she keeps waiting on the old Emma to jump out and throw herself into commandeering, emotionless mode, again. Pull out some tight tailoring and my iPad checklist. Her attention unnerves me, but I don¡¯t want to freeze her back out again, she deserves more. I deserve more. I keep checking my cell obsessively, but he doesn¡¯t call or text; every time I see the nk screen, I die a little more inside. I long for one of his song emails, a message, anything! I understand his silence, she¡¯ll be with him, he has a lot to think about, talk about; he¡¯s mad at me, he¡¯s overwhelmed. It doesn¡¯t make this any less painful and it feels like eternity. I spend an hour going through emails and work files, before throwing myptop aside listlessly. I¡¯m trying not to focus on him, on her, what we did. It¡¯s like trying to turn back the tide in a way, and my head is my own worst enemy. I can¡¯t even begin to dwell on what the future holds, my job ¡­ Jake and a baby ¡­ Seeing him again. like I¡¯m in an alternate universe while sitting here in my own apartment, yet it looks so different to me. The whole atmosphere has shifted since I opened up to Sarah. I feel like I¡¯m home for the first time since I moved here, that this ce feels like a safe haven from the outside world. Chapter 90 Chapter 90 I think back to my childhood room in Chicago, I never really felt like it was my home. I never connected with the city, or the people; my own mother ¡­ always on edge. Sarah had been a force to be reckoned with, she was shy and small, and looked vulnerable. So, I swooped in to protect her, in a way that I needed someone to protect me. Except, she wasn¡¯t really that vulnerable at all. She let me believe it, so that I had a purpose, a focus. That¡¯s what I did ¡­ I fixed things, helped others have better lives than me, organized things to make it all so safe and steady and predictable. Much like my mother does for her homeless shelter patrons. I was trying to fool myself, trying to detach myself from my own life. It¡¯s why I excelled at my job, distancing my own needs and emotions, and robotically taking control. Is that what my mother does? Are we more alike than I care to admit? Jake flipped the tables on me when he brought my own life, my own ws, and insecurities into the picture. He didn¡¯t want a brainless PA to do his bidding, he wanted involvement from me. A two-way friendship. To delve into my life and fix things, that others failed to do. This insane need in him to pry and figure me out, like a kid with a toy. The first time someone took control of my problems and wanted to hear them. He is a child sometimes, hardly surprising that I posed as a challenge and an adventure. I was probably the first young female to grace his presence who didn¡¯t want to bed him, who hadn¡¯t fallen at his feet drooling. It was probably refreshing to not have a girl swooning demurely all the time. I was real; we bonded as friends and got to know each other. Not posing a threat to one another at all and catching me by surprise. That¡¯s how he got in, by being the one man I have ever met who didn¡¯t want anything from me at all. He didn¡¯t desire me, he didn¡¯t frighten me, his easy,id back manner, forcing me out of my formal mode. Always pushing the boundaries further intoxness. I crossed the line, not him, I fell in love with him and in turn I gave him a free rein to chase me as another conquest. He is a hot-blooded male, and that¡¯s what he does. I removed the rules to our friendship by kissing him, and opened a can of worms, sending us both spiraling into confusing, blurring the lines of what we are, causing chaos between us. I only have myself to me. * * * Marcus returns mid-afternoon, his short shift for the day over and offers to take us both for ate lunch, which shocks me. The fight between them forgotten and reced with giggles and hugs like it never happened. I still can¡¯t warm to him, so decline the offer, aware Sarah¡¯s eyes are on me. She¡¯s asking me to give him a chance, for her sake and I throw her a look which I hope conveys the message ¡°baby steps¡±. They finally leave, giving me head space to think. Time to figure out how I¡¯ll face Jake at work on Monday. *** I¡¯m tense as I sit in the office waiting for Jake, he hasn¡¯t called or text me all weekend and I¡¯ve been too afraid to contact him. Apart from after our time on his boat, we¡¯ve never gone this long with no contact and it has me overly touchy and emotional. My nerves eating away at me. Already I¡¯ve snapped at two receptionists whening through the floor to the office, for the smallest things. I check my watch repeatedly. When Rosalie takes up residence in her own area of the office outside of mine, I realize it¡¯s after nine and Jake still hasn¡¯t shown up; he¡¯s rarelyte. I¡¯m tense and on edge, and I¡¯ve no idea what we¡¯ll even say to each other. All I¡¯ve thought about all weekend is what we have done. How it felt to have him kiss and touch me that way, what it felt like to let Jake have sex with me, and it brought me to tears over and over.This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. Despite everything I thought when it first happened, I can¡¯t deny that the memory is bittersweet. I felt alive and cherished, sexy, and wanton, all in one go, and his touch is the only touch I can ever trust, the only touch I ever want to feel. Sarah has gotten to me, another long talk the next morning, turning my way of thinking. Showing me that I haven¡¯t anything to lose, and everything to gain. That my parents have set me up for insecurity and worthlessness in my own mind. Fear of rejection and a warped version of life. She convinced me that it is only in my head that I am not loveable. That only I am convinced I am not worthwhile enough to be loved by Jake. I¡¯ve lingered over the memory so many times, I see it every time I close my eyes, remember how he feels, smells, kisses, and I just want him toe in, so we can talk properly. I want to run into his arms and have him take all this pain away. I¡¯ve already resigned myself to the fact that I finally need to be honest with him, about as much of my past as I can bear. I need to tell him that I¡¯m scared about how I feel about him, and I don¡¯t know where it will lead. The chaos which goes on in my head when I seem cold and distant. I need him to truly understand me. I know one thing for certain after all of this ¡­ I love him hopelessly, and I need to tell him that. Despite how he feels about me, his obsession with casual sex and a stream of women. I need to tell him how I really feel. No matter the oue. No matter his response. It¡¯s expanding inside of me so quickly now that I can identify it; I¡¯ll self-implode. Sarah was right about that at least. I need to take a chance and be brave. Give him the opportunity to tell me if there is hope. Chapter 91 Chapter 91 Jake walks in with a man in tow and I take a sharp breath at his mere appearance; he¡¯s in a deep gray shirt, left open at the cor, and dark jacket, matching pants and shades, his face has a little more stubble than normal. He looks wless in every way, a seductive cool, confident heartthrob and it causes my heart to constrict painfully. His eyes are concealed with Ray Bans as they walk by me in the office. I long to reach out and touch him as he passes. He keeps his distance, throwing me a tight smile, and says nothing; just heads with his male friend to his own office and shuts the door. I feel sick. I just want to be alone with him to talk, a chance to exin, apologize, win back my Jake in any small way that I can. I want to know what¡¯s happening with Marissa. How he feels about it, what the future holds for her, and him. I sit at my desk and fidget with everything within reach, but I just don¡¯t care. I don¡¯t have the strength to be PA Emma anymore. I¡¯m listless, tense, and emotional, and I¡¯ve fallen to pieces so many times in the past two days that I could cry right here, in front of everyone, and it wouldn¡¯t matter. I need him. My hair falls forward into my face so many times as I shift about, I start regretting this hair cut at all. Why did I ever change it? I smile sadly as I ponder it; my hair is just another sign that I had been letting go. Taking away a piece of the armor, oblivious to the fact at the time. Another small change pushed on me by Jake¡¯s looming presence. I tug my fingers from my scalp, I¡¯ve been tangling them absent-mindedly, and straighten my back in a bid to pull myself together. This is sheer agony, my nerves are all over the ce, my mind anywhere but work. Finally, his visitor leaves, and waves me a passing goodbye and friendly smile. I sit with bated breath, wondering if I should just walk in and try to talk to him but my courage fails me. I don¡¯t have to ponder over it for long, as my switchboard lights up and he asks me toe into his office. I hold my breath, my nerves reeling as I get up, palms sweaty, stomach fluttering and slowly make my way in, pushing the heavy door closed behind me once I¡¯m inside, unable to take my eyes off him. He¡¯s facing down towards hisptop, concentrating, and typing, he¡¯s taken off his shades and his jacket; too good to be real, yet avoiding directly looking at me. I crave for him to nce at me and smile in his usual way. Hollywood handsome, but he doesn¡¯t. He nods up darkly and indicates I take a seat; all Mr. Business Carrero, devoid of all friendliness, acting ultra-cool toward me. I can sense the tension already. I do as I¡¯m told, still unable to tear my eyes from him, my body trembling, waiting for some sign of how this will y out. Something doesn¡¯t feel right, and my inner fears start churning low down. ¡°Emma, this isn¡¯t easy for me to say.¡± He gazes at me for a long moment, darkness in his eyes, but his face is closed off, giving nothing away. He shifts in his seat so he¡¯s sitting taller and closes hisptop slowly, watching me as intently as I¡¯m watching him. I hold my breath, my nerves piquing. ¡°We can¡¯t work together anymore ¡­ Too much has happened for this to work.¡± He sounds so cold, unaffected by the words he¡¯s just stabbed me with. I gasp sharply, as though I¡¯ve been struck. Shaking my head impulsively as I take in what he¡¯s just said. I never saw thising at all, and my insides drop with the gravity of how bad this is. ¡°What?¡± I blurt out, dazed, my voice detached from my reeling mind, my body frozen to the spot. ¡°I¡¯ve made arrangements for you to go to our headquarters across town, Carrero Tower. To work on my father¡¯s floor, Emma ¡­ It¡¯s for the best.¡± He looks away and turns his chair to the windows of the office, gazing over New York as if to dismiss me. His bodynguagepletely unreadable, straight, and solid, physically closing me out. I can¡¯t formte a response at all, gasping like I¡¯m drowning. I can¡¯t breathe. I try to speak, but only a sob is forced out. Without any warning I crumble, falling forward into my hands and I lose control, crying softly, unable to stop anything anymore, just a shadow of the person I have been ying for so long. Jake can¡¯t do this to me, to us ¡­ He can¡¯t break me this way. Not him! ¡­ Not after everything. He¡¯s sending me away, and it¡¯s ripping me apart inside. ¡°Emma, don¡¯t, please.¡± His voice cracks and waves over me closely as his armse around me, pulling me from my chair. I can¡¯t look up at him. I can only let him guide me around and crush me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me so tightly, I can barely breathe. ¡°Not now, Emma ¡­ Not like this,¡± he croaks breathily. I don¡¯t understand what he means by that, all I can do is sag against him and let everything flow out of me, all the anguish and heartache and pain of thest few days while basking in the feel of him. I try and regain control of myself, my sobs finally turning to soft tears as I calm down. Unable to think of any words to fix this. I take deep breaths and try so hard to be calm again, ashamed of him seeing me this weak. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. Finally, with immense effort, I aplish stable, still held tightly in his arms, surrounded by strength and his intoxicating scent. Taking sce in the cause of my pain, a safe haven to me; but how can he be when he¡¯s told me I¡¯m to be sent away from here, that I¡¯m done working for him? He¡¯s not my haven anymore, he¡¯s my destroyer and cause of my desperate agony. ¡°I¡¯m calm,¡± I finally mutter, numb and empty. Lifting my hand to wipe my face, my make-up smearing across the back of it, but I don¡¯t care. I want him to see how broken I am over this. I have nowhere to hide now. The warmth of his breath on top of my scalp seems to move away; he¡¯s been resting his face in my hair the whole time, as I was breathing him in. Painfully familiar. ¡°Emma ¡­ This ¡­ Us ¡­ It¡¯s toxic ¡­ We just fight and feel angry with each other, all the time.¡± He sounds defeated while my head¡¯s screaming at me to say it, to open up and tell him. That how I¡¯ve behaved, how I¡¯ve reacted and held back, is all in the past, that I want him to see the real me. I want him to finally get through my walls, show him the constant inner chaos of my fucked-up mind, but I can¡¯t. Old Emma still has control over my mouth and she¡¯s mortally wounded. Old Emma is recoiling in fear of rejection, because he is already hurting me and pushing me away. He pulls away from me, leaving me vulnerable and sits me back down on the chair behind me. The look on his face stills every word I have brimming in my mind that I want to say. So cold, as though he¡¯s shut a door and he¡¯s trying to gain distance. I know that look. It¡¯s my look. Nothing I say will make a difference now, his minds made up. ¡°We don¡¯t work anymore.¡± He turns and walks to the windows and stares out, his body tense as he ces a palm against the ss, his focus fixated outside silently for what seems like an eternity. That powerful body, outlined against the skyline, only serving to torture me. ¡°We can talk about this, Jake.¡± I finally manage, my voice broken and childlike. I want to get up and walk to him, throw myself back in his arms and beg. Tell him, Emma ¡­ Tell him you love him. ¡°No ¡­ There¡¯s nothing to say.¡± The iciness in his tone kills my voicepletely, shutting down the words I long to let out. A scolding so harsh it silences them. ¡°It¡¯s done, Emma, it¡¯s arranged ¡­ Clear out your things today, take the rest of the day off, then report to the HQ offices first thing tomorrow. You¡¯ll work for my father from now on.¡± His tone cruel ¡­ Jake¡¯s gone and only the version who left me on the boat remains, ripping my heart to shreds. I shake my head, a new wave of tears building up inside of me, the panic and hysteria, and chest-crushing pain returning tenfold. ¡°Jake ¡­¡± I can barely talk through the crippling suffocation. When will this ever end? It hurts so much. I¡¯m like a bottomless sea of tears that I can never empty. His shoulders sag and he moves closer to the window, stiffening, his breath forming a small steamed area in front of him. ¡°Don¡¯t make this harder on both of us ¡­ Just go,¡± he utters it so softly, and so surely, my breath catches in my throat, stilling my tears as that numb barrier sweeps over me. I really have lost him. There¡¯s so much I want to say, but I can¡¯t. He¡¯s closed the door on me. Ironically, after months of me refusing to open mine and his always being wide open, it¡¯s now shut in my face and locked tight. I¡¯m toote. I hold on a moment, in the hope he¡¯ll look at me, but he remains where he is. Pensively staring over New York, refusing to move. He wants me to go, it¡¯s in every tiny tense cell of his body. I can practically taste it and yet I¡¯m frozen to the spot, my head reeling and desperate to say so much, but my mouth stays shut. I¡¯ve lost everything that mattered to me ¡­ I lost Jake. He¡¯s all that matters to me. I stand slowly, limbs shaking, self-preservation kicking in as I forcefully steady myself and turn deliberately. Concentrating so hard on not crumbling. I walk slowly, agonizing each step, praying he stops me; but he doesn¡¯t. When I finally open the door, I pause, inhale heavily and take a final turn to look at him once more; he hasn¡¯t moved. His stiff posture still the same, still emanating hostility. ¡°Will I see you again?¡± it¡¯s an impulsive question, my voice filled with fear and longing. ¡°I don¡¯t think so, Emma ¡­ What¡¯s done is done. It¡¯s better this way.¡± His tone is lifeless, empty. It rips thest shred of my soul out and lets it loose on the wind, leaving a hollow space, full of fire and hurt. I can¡¯t bear to look at his strong tall body, held tautly against the New York skyline anymore; this will be myst memory of him and it¡¯s unbearable. I turn and pull the door closed behind me, walk through my own office, shut the door which always stood open then I sit at my desk, concealed from everyone and break down within the circle of my own arms. Chapter 92 Chapter 92 I¡¯mpletely numb when I finally say goodbye to Rosalie. I¡¯ve packed my personal things and she¡¯s having anything else taken to my new office in Carrero Towerter today. HQ across town. No excuse to evere this way again. Jake stayed in his office the whole time I packed up, and no matter how many times I stared at that door, willing him toe to me and beg me stay, he did not. My heart¡¯s broken into a million pieces, I¡¯m amazed that it hasn¡¯t killed me, that is still beats, that I¡¯m still upright yet I¡¯ve nothing left to live for. I manage to leave via the stairs. I don¡¯t want people to see my scrubbed clean, raw face, and puffy eyes. My hair hides most of it as I walk from the building with my box file, containing everything that is personal to me, everything that connected me to him, even his dumb novelty souvenirs from our many trips. ¡°Miss. Anderson?¡± I¡¯m startled out of my sorrowful reverie by Jefferson, Jake¡¯s driver. ¡°Yes?¡± I ask quietly, I must look nothing like my normal self, but he smiles at me gently, a hint of sympathy in his wrinkled gray eyes. He¡¯s been there so many times with Jake and I, yet I barely know the man. Rarely acknowledged him. The elderly looking man with a warm face and impable manners. This will be thest I will see of him too. So monumental. ¡°Mr. Carrero told me I was to wait for you and take you home, Miss.¡± He leans forward relieving me of my box. I haven¡¯t got the energy to argue, so I allow myself to be ushered into the back of the SUV and driven home. Back to Queens, back to the emptiness of my own room and own bed. A Jake-less life and an endless empty future. Sarah isn¡¯t home when I open the door to the apartment. I don¡¯t even care, I don¡¯t want to see anyone. I dump my belongings on the kitchen bunker and set about taking off every piece of PA Emma that is upon me. Hating her, loathing her. An anger building from some deep ce that takes over and I turn to hysterical wing to decloak my nemesis. I hurl my shoes across the floor in rage, I rip off my jacket and skirt, and throw them down the hall dramatically, kicking them away. I strip piece by piece, every clothing item, every jewelry item, stockings and lingerie, panting, wild with exertion and stand naked in my own living room, bawling my heart out. Wanting to rid myself of every cold, controlled ice maiden piece of me that attributed to losing the only man I have ever wanted. I want to scream and rip my own hair out one root at a time. I reach for a throw on the couch and wrap it around me, trying so hard to bring back the memory of being in his embrace. I feel like I¡¯m dying, the pain is so acute, so overwhelming, all I can do is crumple onto the couch and let it overtake me. I¡¯m making up for a lifetime of bottled up tears and emotions, a lifetime of pain and rejection. Heartache. Abuse. Neglect. Jake cut through all of it and found a beating heart somewhere in the darkest depths of me. He kept trying to bring it to the light and I fought every step of the way. Look where it got me. Alone and broken and losing the only man I was ever capable of trusting, ever capable of loving. He has a child on the way, maybe he will try again with Marissa now I am no longer a thorn in his side, a constant distraction to ruin his day. He called us toxic ¡­ That hurt the worst to hear. It struck me like a knife to the gut - I am toxic to him. What does that even mean? I slowly poisoned him in some way, until he couldn¡¯t bear it anymore. I finally drag myself to my bedroom and pull on some pj¡¯s. I haven¡¯t worn anything like this in so long, I am amazed I even still own a pair. I climb on the bed, moving aside the huge bear Jake won for me at a street carnival on one of our trips. It causes a new sh of pain across my chest and I sob into the bear¡¯s stomach, slumping across it pitifully. I can¡¯t take this, I should have said something to him, I should have at least tried to tell him how I felt. Maybe if I had, then I wouldn¡¯t be here now, crying into a plushie¡¯s fluffy belly; the only symbol I have of him that I can actually hold this way. As if something dawns on me. I sit up and dry my eyes. What would I have said to him? I love you, Jake? ¨C Why not, it¡¯s true! What if he doesn¡¯t feel the same way? Who am I kidding? He sent me away ¡­ He doesn¡¯t feel the same way about me. I think back to every time he tried to get me to open up, every kiss, and having sex with me. I let myself wonder if it was all ever about the challenge and it smarts. Had I just been something to conquer? No¡ªI don¡¯t think I had been. I learned to trust him, saw more than just the Casanova yboy. I saw the real Jake. The caring, funny, and sometimes vulnerable, Jake. He told me everything about his life. Our bond was real ¡­ Our friendship. He¡¯d been affectionate and attentive while no one else cared for me and looked after me the way he did. I refuse to believe that none of it was real. I pick up my iPad and scroll the monumental list of songs we sent one another over the past few months, the jokes, the apologies, the hidden meanings, trying to see the truth behind it all ¡­ I stop on a song, pausing my inner anguish with that of confusion as my gaze falls on the unfamiliar. Skr Grey¡ª¡°I Know You¡±. I wonder when he sent this? It¡¯s not one I remember ever being gifted to me, no memory of it as I flit back through our time together and I can¡¯t recall him ever sending me this song. Sometimes he just added music to my iPad for me when we were bored or on a flight. He would sit and leave me songs in humor, or just because¡­ he cared. Because he knew I would listen to them. Was this one of them? I pause and click y on the music file,ying back on my bed to listen to the lyrics intently. The haunting melody drifts over me soothingly, but the words strike a chord deep inside; each word like a message from him, so urate in every way ¡­ Asking me to let him in, to give him a chance to love me. That he knows I put myself through so much pain, because of my past; begging me to just stop pushing him away. The lyrics cause my soul to ache and a new flood of tears breaks silently down my face. Longing to see it as a real form ofmunicating with me. Why hadn¡¯t I listened to this before? Why now when it¡¯s toote? ¡­ What does this mean? When the music fades away, and my sobs silently subside, I sit up, taking my iPad in my hands without hesitation. Sniffing, I scroll iTunes purposefully ¡­ There¡¯s a song that I listened to, a dozen times when we were apart, I need to send it to him now. It says more than I ever could. A girl telling a guy that she loves him, despite her walls, she cares. Her memories of him and what he means to her. That she misses him and all his crazy ways. She will do anything to be with him. Maybe it isn¡¯t toote after all, he put that song on there for me to find, maybe he thought I already had and just never told him, ignored it. Had that hurt him? Been part of the reason he has withdrawn? Finding the one I¡¯m looking for; I forward it to Jake¡¯s email before doubt can creep in to stop me. Before I can talk myself out of it with logic and sense ¡­ and fear. Avril Lavigne¡ª¡°Wish You Were Here¡±. It says everything I want to say to him. I sit staring at my mailbox chewing my lip anxiously, frozen still, waiting, watching, praying he opens it and listens to the song. Every lyric equally able to pass a message, as his just has for me. I pray I¡¯m not toote. Tapping my foot nervously. I¡¯m aware of every noise of my room, and the world outside as the minutes drag on endlessly. Like a weird countdown of torture in my airless cell. I¡¯m holding my breath and even my heart has stopped beating it seems. I finally get an email notice that Jake Carrero has gifted me a song as my page times out. A ping that startles me to flinch and gasp, scrambling with fumbling fingers to touch on it and bring it back to life. Even his name appearing at the top of my screen makes my chest constrict in painful suffering. With wobbly hands, loss of coordination because I am so damned scared, I slide my screen cover aside, lighting it back up, my heart pounding through my chest, my breath halting. I¡¯m shaking violently as I open the email to read the subject: ¡°Always an Avril fan.¡± Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. I inhale sharply as I scan the next line¡­blood draining from my face as realization hits home. Crushing agony consuming me heart and soul. He couldn¡¯t be any clearer. ¡°Let Me Go¡± by Avril Lavigne. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. My world tips into darkness as pain overtakes and I copse onto the bear again, the iPad sliding to the floor while wailing out in hellish anguish. Like someone dying horribly. He doesn¡¯t want to know; he¡¯s gone and I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll die End of book 1 ¨C Book 2 follows right on Chapter 93 - Book 2 Chapter 93 - Book 2 The subway to work is crowded as usual, even at this early hour the smell and noise are overwhelming. I¡¯m overly fragile, nausea guing me all the time these days; the stress of moving offices and away from Jake making me physically ill. I check my watch for the fiftieth time this morning. I¡¯mte again ¡­ What the hell is wrong with metely? I groan inwardly. I can¡¯t seem to get my head together or get back on track with anything. Giovanni Carrero has yelled at me so many times thesest three weeks, I feel like resigning. He¡¯s demoted me to coffee bearer for now and I¡¯m slowly losing everything I¡¯ve worked for. My reputation as an efficient PA is shot and I¡¯ve heard the rumors circting the building. Jake Carrero dismissed me for my ipetence and moved me to his father¡¯s building, because he felt sorry for me. That stung. The lies upset me, but I push them down into the depths of my mind along with everything else about Jake Carrero. It¡¯s better than people knowing the truth; that the stupid, naive PA fell in love with her boss and he didn¡¯t feel the same way. That truth hurts more than rumors and lies ever could. His father has more assistants than he needs but he likes to be surrounded by a swarm of servants, yet still, I am surplus to requirements it seems. So, instead, I''ve be a glorified receptionist without a desk or any actual tasks or responsibility. I am that person who is asked to do the menial things, like hauling files to the library, making trips to Starbucks, and serving hot drinks to stuffed shirts when a meeting is in full swing. It just adds to the rumors that I am useless. My life is over. I''ve thought about leaving so many times, scanning the ssifieds in the paper almost every chance I get, but something always holds me back. More like someone! Somehow, still working for the Carrero Corporation is my link to Jake and I¡¯m not ready to let him go just yet if I ever will be. The pain is still too raw even though I haven¡¯t seen him or heard from him. This is the true definition of being frozen out and even the office gossips don¡¯t seem to know about anything going on in Jake¡¯s life since he dismissed me. That¡¯s the whole point of him keeping his staff small and in his trust, I guess. Unlike his father, who has an army of minions and everyone seems to know Senior Carrero¡¯s business. He¡¯s so public about a lot of things, and loud, andmanding. He yells at staff frequently and isn¡¯t shy about his movements or dragging an entourage with him wherever he goes. He has a mix of security, assistants, and god knows what else, always crowded around him pandering to his every whim. I miss Jake¡¯s less inted, uplicated character. He¡¯s only ever needed me ¡­ as ironic as that is. I walk thest block to my new office building; it stands tall and blindingly bright, another column of pointy ss and harsh edges¡ªjust like Executive House. A sharp knife looking column amid the Manhattan corporates, standing as tall as most. I shudder. I hate working here. I hate everything about this ce. I miss what I had at Executive House in so many ways, beyond Jake. The sterile interior is uninviting, and the staff at Carrero Tower are always so afraid to step out of line under themand of Senior. The rxed aura of Executive House ispletely absent in this building and I never thought I¡¯d see the day where I missed Jake¡¯sxness and personal touch. The whole atmosphere between the two is so different. The receptionist casts me a disapproving look as I shuffle past in a hurry, knowing for a fact I look disheveled. I slept in, rushed about, and practically got dressed while running out the door. This shorter wavy style in my hair is always doing its own thing nowadays but I simply don¡¯t care anymore. I re back at her icily to cut off her stare. Yes, I¡¯mte ¡­ I don¡¯t fucking care. She nces away fast. She¡¯s met my anger before; during the first three days I was here. She spilled coffee down my cream pencil skirt when passing, so I unleashed teen Emma in a rather grand fashion. I¡¯d been a touchy, aggressive, nightmare those first few days and one wrong word got her a tongue lashing from hell. My face twists into a snarl, thinking of the calm and controlled Emma of the past who was always so poised. Where is she now? She¡¯s jumped off a goddamn bridge! I can¡¯t seem to muster her ofte, no matter what. I miss her. Jake Carrero killed her; weeks of tears can do that to a person. I drop my bag and cell on the desk in the office, among the sea of temp desks. It¡¯s pretty much a free for all where you sit when you need a seat. I miss having my own office and my own space, but it¡¯s not like I deserve it anymore. The inclination to run and organize my new boss¡¯s life has deserted me. I have zero interest in his calendar or responsibilities. I¡¯m a train wreck nowadays and probably couldn¡¯t organize an alcoholic¡¯s party in a brewery. My cell vibrates across the table, Sarah¡¯s name lights up the screen along with her face brightening it with a grinning selfie. She never calls me at work so concern rises in my stomach as I reach for it. She¡¯s my best friend and roommate, but even she knows not to bother me here. ¡°Sarah, what is it?¡± I ask in a clipped tone,ced with nervous apprehension, inner dread rising that something is wrong. At least I still have anxiety by my side. Nothing changed there then. ¡°Emma, I¡¯m really sorry to bother you at work ¡­ I know you don¡¯t like it ¡­ But your mother is here,¡± she mumbles sheepishly then silences at my angry gasp of air. ¡°What the f¡ª?¡± I cut myself off, ncing around the room for listening ears. There are a couple of assistants milling about so I lower my voice, bringing my mouth to the receiver to quietly hiss. ¡°What the hell is she doing there?¡± I know I shouldn¡¯t take this out on Sarah, she¡¯s only the messenger but I¡¯m seething from every pore at the mere mention of Jocelyn Anderson¡¯s appearance. Weak pathetic woman who chose another abusive boyfriend over sense or logic. She has no right to show up like this! Invading my life after what she¡¯s done. ¡°She says she came to see you ¡­ To talk ¡­ What shall I do with her, Ems? I need to leave for work soon, I¡¯m on an early shift today.¡± She sounds genuinely upset, knowing she¡¯s stuck between a rock and a hard ce, but my girl knows which side she should be rooting for¡ªif she has any sense at all. I take a steadying breath, pushing down my internal rage in a bid to remain calm and adjust my tone to as neutral as I can muster. ¡°Show her the door,¡± I reply bluntly. ¡°I need to get back to work, Sarah. Goodbye.¡± ¡°Emma, but¡ª¡± I hang up quickly. I know Sarah will try to talk me around, but I can¡¯t deal with this right now. I can¡¯t deal with anythingtely. I just need everything in my messed up, pitiful life, to take ten steps back, give my brain time to stop reeling and find its feet again. Thest few weeks have been one constant headache and I¡¯m drowning, I can barely breathe with it all. My cell rings again but I reject the call. Sarah is persistent, more so ofte since the changes in me have hit her hard; I feel like she¡¯s been smothering me with over-protectiveness. She doesn¡¯t know this version of me, this unraveling mess of tears and bad moods, the scatter brain behavior, or the chaos I¡¯m leaving in my wake. I think even she longs for a hint of the old Emma toe back and I¡¯m really trying, for both our sakes. Her insecurity over my new persona is obvious and upsetting. Somehow the mention of my mother has flipped a little switch inside me though and a wave of numb seeps in as the icy controlled part of PA Emma takes hold. I¡¯ll have to deal with my mother at some point, just not right now, and it only angers me further that she thinks she can just waltz in unannounced as though I owe her my time. I lift my chin defiantly. That¡¯s right, use the anger to fuel your return, cling on to that tiny piece of defiance and get your goddamn life back on track! I am relieved at the tiny inkling of fire burning deep down inside my belly once more. You¡¯re still in there, Emma. You can do this. Walking into the board room I catch sight of the mess left behind from the breakfast meeting I obviously missed. Not that I really care. I sigh, heavily, since it¡¯s me who is going to have to clear this up, despite this floor paying cleaners to keep the ce tidy¡ªbut they usually only appear after hours. I pout at the monotonous tasks that have be mine. It¡¯s so deting considering I used to travel the world as the right hand of an aplished CEO. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. What the hell happened to me? This timest month I was PA to Jake Carrero! I was organizing his entire life, sitting in five-star hotels, pouring over contracts with him. We were friends and the whole time I was trying to ignore the fact I was head over heels in love with him. I shake my head, discarding the thoughts thate uninvited into my mind, and start picking up the scattered documents and brochures from the table and returning them to the cart to be filed away. I stack the empty mugs and tes on the trolley, meant for serving food and drink, by the door. At least I can lose myself in cleaning up this room and bringing some calm back to the chaos in my head. I set myself to task, submerging my brain into deep cleaning the room and wiping away the mess made by its previous upants; hopefully some of it will rub off on my thoughts and help me get back to myself. Chapter 94 Chapter 94 ¡°Emma? Mr. Carrero wants to see you.¡± A small childish voicees up behind me, causing me to flinch and drop my duster. My heart hits a sudden stop as I inhale heavily pushing back my hair which is stuck to my face from the exertion of my enthusiastic cleaning, my eyes widening in disbelief. What? Jake? He¡¯s here? My brain reels a moment with a lurch of possibility before sense smacks me in the chest sharply, kickstarting rapid heartbeats. No. Giovanni! Of course! I feel like an idiot. I throw a tight smile her way before turning smoothly to acknowledge the girl, pushing down signs of my overreaction and trying to calm my crazy thudding pulse rate. It¡¯s one of the small receptionists, all blonde hair, and big boobs¡ªlike most of Senior¡¯s staff. He¡¯s sickeningly singr about the women in his employ, finding those whose looks are less like the woman he¡¯s married to and more like the ¡°bunnies¡± of the Hugh Heffner world. ¡°Okay, where is he?¡± My voice is even, despite my irritation and internal mental breakdown and a familiar wave of control moves across me unexpectedly. ¡°In his office, you¡¯d better go right away, he¡¯s in a bad mood.¡± The tone in her voice betrays her fear of Senior Carrero, but I ignore it. He doesn¡¯t scare me in the slightest. His attitude toward his employee¡¯s grates on my nerves at the best of times; I¡¯m used to that familial Carrero re and its wily ways. Jake hadn¡¯t been against using that re when bad moods struck, impossible scenarios or general mess ups. I think, somehow,ing here, I¡¯ve lost all unease around Giovanni Carrero. My heart being ripped out by a man who shares his name has made me immune to the effects any Carrero could¡¯ve tried to pull on me. I push memories of Jake aside harshly swallowing that lump in my throat that hits me whenever my brain focuses on him. I can¡¯t think about him right now. Ever! If I do, I¡¯ll just dwell on how much I miss him and how much I think about the night we had sex ¡­ repeatedly. I¡¯ll torture myself into insanity, and I can¡¯t afford to do that. Mentally, I am only just starting to see glimpses of the old me and don¡¯t want to scare her back into submission already. I follow the girl silently from the room and head toward the long hall leading to King Carrero¡¯s domain with my chin in the air once more, showing pride and defiance that I don¡¯t feel. I am not going to be intimidated by this man. No matter how badly he thinks I am doing at my job. Senior visibly bristles as I enter his office, for once he¡¯s alone, and sat in his leather throne behind his oversized, polished walnut desk. The sun is zing in from the wall of ss behind him and the breath- taking New York scenery pulls my eyes to the city for a second. He looks like a formidable billionaire framed by his kingdom; small and tanned with highlighted brown hair and dark evil eyes veiling that shrewd brain. He watches my every movement as I stroll nearer his desk, knowing that he would never ask me to sit, so I don¡¯t even try. ¡°You asked me toe see you?¡± I start tonelessly, my body rigid under his scrutiny. My nerves swirling uncontrobly low down in my belly despite my demeanor. There is no love between us, I am merely another irritation to his life and another faceless employee. ¡°Yes, Miss. Anderson, I did ¡­ My son sent you to me as a PA, yet I¡¯ve no need for more assistance. Your performance has left me with a sour taste in my mouth and I think we need to have a little chat.¡± He doesn¡¯t even have the grace to continue looking at me while saying it, his eyes on hisptop as he types as though I no longer interest him. He¡¯s not one to mince his words and I stare at him nkly, unsurprised. I¡¯ve expected this moment for a while, amazed it¡¯s taken three weeks for us to have this conversation. ¡°My son obviously saw something in you, so I¡¯m not ready to dismiss you just yet ¡­ In fact, he insisted you stay in thispany, indefinitely.¡± His unexpected confession causes a sharp knife-like pain in my chest, a slight confused expression warms my face. When he nces up, his uninterested gaze sweeps my features with a deadpan look, betraying nothing. Jake asked his father to keep me employed? No matter what? Despite sending me away ¡­ But why? Raw painful emotion tugs at my throat like arge ball wedged mercilessly but I push it down harshly, almost unable to swallow. I¡¯m not ready to dissect Jake¡¯s reasons yet, if ever. It¡¯s too hard. Senior never says anything lightly, always direct and to the point, not wasting his breath on small talk. I know he¡¯s not embellishing. If he thinks I am a drain onpany finances, excess to requirements, then I¡¯d be gone already. ¡°So, what¡¯s to be done with me?¡± I respond drily, less confident at the turn of this conversation. Grasping my hands together as they start to tremble, Iy them across my waist to regain my posture, trying to appear business-like, despite the pounding thuds in my chest. Right now, I wouldn¡¯t care if he sent me to Timbuktu if it meant I didn¡¯t get fired. ¡°You¡¯re going back to Executive House, floor thirty-two ¡­ Public rtions, organizing events and the like ¡­¡± he waves his hand around, uninterested ¡°¡­ Jacob told me you excel at nning and juggling a high workload, so I hope you finally prove it to me.¡± His harsh prative gaze rests on me coldly, assessing me, but I steel myself against his stare. The thought of going back to that building surges through me like fire, igniting my fear manically, but I remain impassive under his scrutiny while my blood freezes in my veins and my lungs turn to ash. ¡°I don¡¯t know what happened with my son, Miss. Anderson, but I am pleased with your discretion on this transference. There has been no real gossip as such, but I do want to point this out ¡­ You¡¯re still employed under duress of my son, he was very clear on this, and as you know, my rtionship with Jacob is somewhat strained; so this ¡­¡± he waves his hand to me then back to himself dismissively, ¡°¡­ is thepromise I made to keep him happy. If I hadn¡¯t made such promises to Jacob, I would¡¯ve fired you in under a week.¡± He visually releases his grip on me as an end to our discussion and he goes back to tapping away on hisptop. I lower myshes and swallow, involuntarily, face hot with shame and body weakening with cold anxiety. I suppose I should be grateful for this, despite my inner organs trying to shrivel up and hide. I still have a job. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. What the hell has happened to me? My job was my universe. The one thing I excelled at and pushed through. My life consumed with work, got me to where I was because of it. Yet here I am, saved from unemployment because Jake felt guilty enough to ensure I kept my job. The thought is sobering, and Giovanni¡¯s revtion is a surprise. Jake and he were always so formal, distant, and cold, it makes me wonder at his willingness to please his son. There may be more to their rtionship than either Jake or I realize. Maybe Senior loves his son more than he shows. ¡°Jake didn¡¯t need me anymore ¡­ That¡¯s all there is to say.¡± I point out ndly, avoiding the eyes that have once againe to rest on my face at the utterance of words. In a way, it¡¯s the truth. He doesn¡¯t need me ¡­ not in the way I need him, so, there was no reason to keep me any longer. ¡°Right ¡­¡± His voice is drenched in sarcasm. I nce up and for a moment I catch a hint of challenge in his eye, maybe even a slight thawing of his normally cruel tight mouth. He¡¯s almost as unreadable as his son. ¡°Pack up whatever you brought here; you¡¯re going there today. Wilma Munro is expecting you.¡± He moves his focus back to his screen; a clear move to signal my dismissal. He¡¯s issued his demands and now wants me to remove myself from his presence. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I nod briefly and turn on my heel, needing no more direction. I walk out briskly, d to escape, my steps seemingly confident despite my insides turning to mush. I can barely breathe with the weight caving in on me. I¡¯m not sure how to feel right now. I¡¯m going back! Back to Jake¡¯s building, back to being only floors below him and I don¡¯t know how to navigate it, or how to process it. Chance sightings ¡­ chance meetings. I don¡¯t know if I can handle it. I don¡¯t think my heart can handle it. Waves of nausea return bitterly, my hands tremble at the thought of possibly seeing him again and a sickening dread almost consumes me. This has to be the worst decision ever made in the history of mankind and somehow, I feel like it¡¯s going to be myplete undoing. Chapter 95 Chapter 95 Wilma Munro is a shock to the system. She¡¯s Scottish and her ent is thick, but notpletely alien, with hints of a long New York residency. I can understand her for the most part and she¡¯s a resolute force to be reckoned with. Wilma is small with dark coppery curly hair and huge brown eyes set in a love heart face, standing at only four and a half feet tall. She catches me immediately in her whirlwind of enthusiastic energy. Loud, but not in amanding way, she is direct, yet friendly and slightly terrifying. She whisks me into my new domain, assigns me a desk near her office, and outlines my responsibilities as part of her team, thrusting a box of files at me. She believes throwing someone in at the deep end brings out their inner worth. ¡°I¡¯ve heard enough about you, Miss. Anderson, to know you were being wasted at Carrero Tower. I¡¯ve great expectations of you.¡± She smiles warmly, soft eyes twinkling merrily as she fawns over the files. ¡°Mr. Carrero seemed to imply I was only seconds away from dismissal,¡± I respond drily, instantly regretting letting my mouth jump in before my head. I look away nervously, my fingers finding my jacket to twist the hem, anxiously. Nice move just tell your new boss how useless you are. ¡°I¡¯m particrly good friends with Margo Drake, my dear. I spoke to her only this morning when I was informed you wereing to me. She only had good things to say about you ¡­ and maybe some insight on recent behaviors.¡± I spin to look at her, sudden shock on my face, blood draining away and leaving me cold as I get the jist of what that might mean. What did Margo say to Wilma? What did Margo know? Surely Jake didn¡¯t tell her about sleeping with me? Everything that happened? My head is reeling. Of course, he would. He tells Margo everything about anything, she¡¯s like a surrogate mother to him, and my old mentor. She would¡¯ve pushed him to give her the real reason he let me go, unsatisfied with excuses and seeing through any untruths. He would¡¯ve told Margo about that night for sure. That we had sex on the hotel floor. But would Margo have told this woman? Even when I was with Jake, I kept Margo up to date with how he was doing; she always wanted to know, she always seemed discreet to me, so I hope right now she has been. Wilma winks at me knowingly and I pale, my body turns colder as the blood leaves my veins and my mind almost crumbles hysterically. Oh, my god. She must know! I feel sick and betrayed by my old mentor, the pain is almost overwhelming. I swallow hard, unable to think of a response, but Wilma doesn¡¯t dwell. She sweeps away from me with a wave of her hand, leaving me reeling in panic with nothing more to say on the matter. ¡°The schedule is on top of that file, Emma ¡­ We¡¯re arranging a dinner and dance for the Carrero anniversary. Read the files, we have press releases and a guest list to sort out, that¡¯s going to be your job. Look over what¡¯s been arranged, then we¡¯ll talk. The suggested guest list is in there too.¡± I watch her walk away, gob smacked,pletely overwhelmed, my head somewhere in outer space, stunned, like I¡¯ve been hit by a tornado, but I push it all down deep inside and stare at my hands as they tremble around the file I am grasping. Forget Margo, forget Jake. This is my life now and they owe me nothing. He owes me nothing. Wilma doesn¡¯t seem to care about the past, so neither should I. I turn my attention to the box, dismissing all of it and focusing on work as it¡¯s what I do best. The schedule looks full and exhausting, but I see potential. I can work my ass off on this and regain some of my reputation. This job should be easy; easier than facing Senior Carrero and handing out coffee like a mindless minion every day. This is exactly what I need, a new challenge and a new distraction. Time to get myplicated head back together and file everything into that little ck lock box in my mind. I can be the old me again. I set to work, finding myself engrossed in tasks I¡¯m more than capable of and the hours fly by for the first time in weeks. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. I nce up seeing people leave, realizing it¡¯s the end of the workday already and I have been so zoned I didn¡¯t notice. This is exactly what I needed to forget him. * * * The apartment seems quiet when I put my key in the door and my heart pounds through my chest wondering if Sarah made my mother leave, but something deep down tells me she hasn¡¯t. I open the door slowly and take a deep steadying breath to calm my nerves. The small hall which opens into the sitting room, smells of food bring cooked and I sigh, anxiety riling up again. Sarah won¡¯t be home from her shift at work, Marcus is unlikely to cook so that means someone else is here. I stiffen as I walk in, glimpsing my mother leaning over the stove, her arm still in a cast. There¡¯s a young brte hovering by her side helping with whatever she is currently massacring. Figures. My mother¡¯s cooking expertise stops at heating a can of soup. I take a moment to work out that the brte is the nurse Jake¡¯s still paying to take care of her. He¡¯s honoring his promise to Sophie, a runaway we met when she was living with my mother in Chicago and who is now being adopted by family friends of the Carreros¡¯. He gave Sophie his word he would take care of her until her injuries are fully healed, despite cutting ties with me. It causes a dull aching lump to form in my throat and my eyes well up with tears I refuse to cry. My heart breaking all over again. Throwing my briefcase on the nearby couch I tense up, ready for this little altercation. They haven¡¯t heard mee in, too busy making noise in the kitchen with bubbling pots and pointless chatter. My rage simmers at the sight of her in my home, taking over. I¡¯m still reeling with the fact that she let Ray Vanquis back in her life, after everything and yet here she is. ¡°Mother,¡± I snap, loudly and firmly. No warmth at all as both heads spin round, minor surprise reced with quick smiles. ¡°Emma.¡± My mother gushes as shees out of the little kitchen toward me, her face still bearing some of the yellowing bruises from being beaten to a pulp by the so-called man in her life. She attempts to hug me but meets my icy stance and statue like posture. I flinch at her touch, so she quickly recoils to stand a foot away from me awkwardly. I notice her nurse hovering in the background, her face a picture of confusion and embarrassment, at least she has the good grace to turn back to the stove and continue cooking, acting like she hasn¡¯t seen anything. ¡°Are you still mad at me?¡± My mother whimpers like a child, causing my anger to re again. That childish, wide-eyed expression of hers, the one I¡¯ve seen a million times on her frail little innocent face, reserved for an audience. I turn away from her before I say something I can¡¯t take back. ¡°I¡¯m going to get changed,¡± I snap and walk off, leaving her to stand in the center of the room like a lost puppy. I take satisfaction in the hurt evident on her face, maybe it¡¯s about time she knew what it felt like to have someone who¡¯s a part of you treat you like you don¡¯t matter to them. * * * In my room, I sit on my bed and take a moment to inhale slowly, despite my outward frosty reception, I¡¯m shaking on the inside from her visit. She affects me in ways I¡¯ll never understand, no matter how I try to deny it. The woman knows how to make me feel worthless without trying. She always pulls the rug out from under me, is that the curse of her being my mother? On some level, that child inside of me still wants her to wipe away my pain, unaware that she¡¯s the one who causes most of it. I smart at the thought and my eyes wander to my closed door. I know that I dislike who she is. I don¡¯t hate her ¡­ I don¡¯t know if I love her anymore ¡­ But I don¡¯t know what I feel. I get up and change into casual clothes, tight jeans, and loose top, d to be out of the confines of a suit. I used to love dressing that way, but nowadays it feels stifling and ustrophobic. My hair, already loose, has grown an inch since I had it cut, it brushes my shoulders constantly with its wild waves. I look in the mirror at my head of tawny hair, brushing it back to reveal tired eyes and a sad face. Do I look like this all the time? Or is this the effect Jocelyn Anderson has had on me just by walking through the door? I push back the sad expression and lift my chin defiantly, pasting on the face of self-preservation that I¡¯ve perfected over the years. Refusing to let her see my pain. Returning to the sitting room I see she¡¯s trying to help dish out beef stew into bowls with a smile on her face. Bad moods forgotten, pushed to one side, like always. This is just the way she is, acting like nothing has happened. The sad story of my life with her. I bristle and grind my teeth to curb the raw fury which rushes up. I¡¯m on edge just watching her, while she acts like this is the most normal scene in the world. I nce at her young nurse; she seems capable and has a maturity about her. I wonder how much she knows. I wonder how much Jocelyn Anderson has let her see. ¡°Food¡¯s ready.¡± The young woman chirps brightly upon seeing me,ying the bowls on the small dte table. I watch my mother hesitantly stay back. She¡¯s waiting on my reaction before she makes a move. I slide into a chair at the table and concentrate on picking up the cutlery, starting to eat. I know I¡¯m being cold and rude, and right now I just don¡¯t care. Thest time I saw her she was in a hospital bed, battered and broken and I¡¯d just learned that the man responsible was the same one who tried to rape me when I was eighteen. She¡¯d gone back to him, the abusive prick, without a second thought to what it might do to me, or to our rtionship. Chapter 96 Chapter 96 They both sit and begin to eat; the silence is awkward and tense, but no one attempts to initiate conversation. The nurse looks around timidly before deciding staring at her te is the best option and lowers her head. Finally, feeling my irritation rise beyond control, I break the ss-like atmosphere with a sledgehammer. ¡°Why are you here?¡± I blurt out, with not so subtle venom. ¡°I ¡­ We needed to talk about things, Emma.¡± She lowers hershes, attempting to be coy, maybe even feebleness, but it only angers me. Putting her fork down and crossing her hands on the table she leans toward me. ¡°About what exactly? The fact that you¡¯re screwing the man who loves to beat both of us up and tried to rape your only child?¡± I spit, harshly, taking delight in the nurse¡¯s gasp of shock and the color rising up her cheeks. I guess she didn¡¯t know after all. ¡°Yes ¡­ Emma, he¡¯s gone ¡­ I know what I did, I see what I did.¡± She tries to reach for my hand, but I yank it out of reach. Her voice has that air of victim that I hate. How many times have I heard this bullshit? How many times has she pushed men away after they hit one of us, only to have him crawl back into her bed dayster? ¡°Too little, far toote, Mother! You think you can just show up here and smooth it all over? Do you even know what he did while you were lying in a hospital bed?¡± My voice is raised and agitated; I need to regain a little control in this if we are to have it out. I hate that she always makes me break this way. ¡°No ¡­¡± Her weak tiny voice betrays her nervousness, she¡¯s afraid I¡¯m going to tell her he seeded this time. I catch that moment of doubt, casting my mind back to the look on her face when she caught him trying to hurt me once before ¡­ The fear he would want me instead of her. It makes me sick to my stomach, which only helps fuel my rage. ¡°He attacked me!¡± I snarl. ¡°He¡¯s just the same evil man he was eight years ago, nothing has changed!¡± ¡°What?¡± her eyes widen in rm ¡°Did he¡­?¡± She can¡¯t formte the words, but I can read her like a book. All she wants to know is if he had sex with me. This isn¡¯t about me or my getting hurt, it¡¯s about her boyfriend cheating on her. ¡°No. He didn¡¯t. He just wanted to prove his dominance over me, to scare me, and he did,¡± I yell at her, the twist in my gut deepening as her expression confirms my thoughts. She¡¯s relieved. Her boyfriend didn¡¯t betray her. She¡¯s happy. She never cared about me; it was always about her and her men. I just got in the way. I was coteral damage. I start unravelling and lose my temperpletely. Something inside of me snapping so very easily. It¡¯s like a damn just implodes and the waters crash free. I have been holding this in for weeks and I just can¡¯t do it anymore. ¡°Jake beat the shit out of him and I¡¯m d ¡­ he deserved it! I wish he¡¯d killed him.¡± I breakpletely, screaming like a banshee, jumping to my feet, and sending the table into chaos as my body knocks it furiously. The bowls spill and sses tip over, knocking drinks everywhere. I have no control over the way I react. Her face pales in sudden realization of how Ray incurred his injuries and I catch the look as it clicks in her brain. The nurse tries to grab the cups to set them straight, without sess, all the while her face ming in terror at my outburst. Yes, Momma! Jake did that to him ¡­ Jake beat him to a pulp forying his hands on me ¡­ Someone who didn¡¯t have any obligation to love or protect me. My boss! Not my mother ¡­ My mother never would¡¯ve stood up for me in that way, never chosen me over her man. The thought makes me want tosh out and beat her stupid face to a pulp the way Jake beat Ray. ¡°Why can¡¯t you see what you do to me?¡± I screech again, tears flowing down my face, emotions getting the better of me. My voice hoarse with the effort of losing my shit. ¡°Emma ¡­ How is any of that my fault? Jake had no right to hurt Ray ¡­ He¡¯s the reason Ray left!¡± She yells back at me, dropping her mask, voice filled with rage and usation, poised like she wants to hit me. She¡¯s on her feet trying to bring her small wiry frame to my height to scold me. The nurse stays seated, staring at her hands in herp as though she wants to be anywhere but here. I have a tremor of pity for her, she wasn¡¯t paid to get involved in the Anderson women drama or to witness any of this. ¡°Wait a minute ¡­ What?¡± My inner body lurches at her words as I click on what she said as I scramble to calm myself. ¡°What do you mean he left? You said he was gone ¡­ You implied it was your choosing?¡± I fall still, that moment of pause in my hysteria as logic shakes me. My tears halt as numbness holds me steady. I was so stupid to ever believe she¡¯d make the decision on her own to send him away. ¡°He left. He came by looking like he¡¯d been in a car wreck, told me it was over and left. I haven¡¯t seen him since. You chased him out of my life ¡­ again!! I hope you¡¯re happy this time, Emma,¡± she yells at me hatefully, unaware that she¡¯s just incriminated herself with every word from that harsh mouth. Is she so self-absorbed that she is deaf to what she is saying? The rage inside me, teen Emma, is unable to hold herself back any longer. All the recent weeks of agony without Jake built up, breaking my ability to reign myself in. And I explode. Ish out uncontrobly, snatching and throwing my te of food at her blindly as tears overtake my vision, missing her head by an inch and smashing into the wall behind her with dramatic effect. Both woman squeal and jump in fright and I push the table hard onto its side, so it rolls over onto the floor, spilling everything else down with a horrendous crash. The fury and aggression that have been tethered too long are flowing out of me, unbridled. ¡°GET OUT OF MY FUCKING APARTMENT!!!¡± I scream devilishly at her, kicking away my chair ruthlessly so I hurt my foot, grabbing at my hair, almost ripping it out in frustration. I¡¯m pacing, trying so hard to hold in thest ounces of control I thought I had conquered in my time here. I haven¡¯t been this way since the week before I left Chicago, so many years ago. When she pushed me to this stage of erupting and going insane and I ran away. I ran, to protect myself, and protect her, from this anger inside me that wants so badly to hurt her; to retaliate at her failings as a mother. I can¡¯t run away now, nor do I want to. This is my home ¡­ my space and my life. ¡°Just fucking get out!¡± I screech again, only less insanely as my voice breaks hoarsely. This time the nurse hurriedly picks up their bags and pulls at my mother¡¯s sleeve in a desperate attempt to remove her. She can see I am losing my sanity and have more than this toe. ¡°Emma ¡­?¡± Her lip wobbles as she throws all into the victim role once more. That mask back in ce once again. ¡°No! Enough! Just go!¡± I throw my arms up, wild and seething, looking insane. She needs to leave before Ish out directly at her. I know I¡¯m more than capable of it. I¡¯ve hit back before at men in the past, but I¡¯ve never hit her even though right now I want to. Like a pulsing need inside of me. The need to punch her stupid head against something hard and knock sense into her. I hate her so much! This is what she does to me. They both turn and rush out mid panic, leaving me behind in my own chaos and rage. A moment of pause as the door crashes against the wall behind them and my desperation crumples over me. As soon as the door swings back and clicks closed again, I crumple to the floor, letting it all go in a devastating wail, tumbling out until my body has no energy left to make a sound. * * * I finally sit up and look around, taking stock of the mess I¡¯ve made but I don¡¯t care. I watch the food sliding down the light gray painted wall like a gaping wound. It feels right to sit here, surrounded by broken things and ugliness, like I belong here. I know soon I¡¯ll get up and clean it all away, hiding the evidence of my break down. I¡¯ll pull myself up, straighten my face and my clothes and go back to poised Emma before the morning. Haven¡¯t I always? This is what I do, this is what she taught me! That no matter what, I must contain all that is wrong with me and hide it away, show the world that I¡¯m capable and strong¡­ but still worthless. No one gets to see vulnerable Emma, and no one, no one ¡­ gets to inflict more pain on me. By morning I¡¯ll have filed it neatly into my internal ck box and will have pasted on my professional smile, ready to face another day. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. That¡¯s who Emma is, who I am. She¡¯s a fake smile and cold demeanor. She¡¯s outwardly unshakable and cool and has nothing going on in her empty life that would even raise a slight question about her sanity. Jake saw that Emma and honestly believed that¡¯s all there was of her. He¡¯d chosen to send her on her way, rather than see the broken mess inside, literally falling to pieces at just knowing him. He broke the fa?ade and he doesn¡¯t even know it. Chapter 97 Chapter 97 I get into the elevator, smoothing down my skirt, and nce at the narrow mirror by the door, sighing and take my ce at the side of a couple of staff in here. I look better, feel better, and more in control. I¡¯ve only been back at Executive House for a few days, but somehow the familiarity of this building, and the people who knew me as Jake¡¯s assistant so treat me with more respect than I received at Carrero Tower, have helped me get back on track. I¡¯ve barely slept thest few nights. My mother¡¯s appearance has left my mind in a constant cyclone of thoughts and insecurities. I¡¯ve reyed my mother¡¯s words a million times in my head, none of it makes sense to me, the obvious aside, I can¡¯t wrap my brain around her admission. Ray isn¡¯t the kind of person to up and run off because another guy gave him a taste of his own medicine. He only left years ago because I threatened to involve the police. I¡¯m sure something more must¡¯ve happened after Jake left him lying in the street. What did Jake do to make sure Ray left for good? I need to ask him, but I know I can¡¯t. Seeing him would be agony and I can¡¯t bring myself to ask him via email. As much as I want to know if he did, I¡¯m too scared to inflict that kind of pain on myself. Seeing him, speaking to him, would kill me all over again. I need distance if I¡¯m going to get over Jake Carrero. I should just forget about Ray and my mother. Forget all of them. I cast the idea of confronting Jake aside, and get to work, something I¡¯m getting better at doingtely. I flick through the guest list on my iPad to distract my thoughts. A sea of influential guests, business tycoons, minor royalty, A-listers, and a whole host of visiting dignitary. The anniversary dinner is going to be a star studded and spangle bannered event, the talk of New York and I¡¯m a very huge part of it. I sigh, rising pride as I think about how amazing this is going to be, yet it doesn¡¯t dent the huge dark void inside of me. The elevator chimes as we stop, I move to step out realizing it¡¯s not my floor. We¡¯re only on ninth and I go back to my iPad, scrolling down the list once more, making note of who I need to contact and when. A few men in suits walk in so I shuffle over to one side, eyes down to make more space. Checking the credentials of some suggestions from Wilma; a Hollywood yboy and his wife, a businessman from Europe, both seem possibilities for our invitation only event. My skin prickles, unexpectedly, instantly aware as a wave of heat soars down my body, alerting me to something. I nce up at the men who have crowded in and only see the backs of navy and ck suits, nothing sinister, no one¡¯s even looking at me. Two of the men move back beside me as more people shuffle in and I freeze as my eyes connect with the ¡°something¡±. My whole world freezes as I inhale sharply. Jake walks inst, his perfect green eyes catch mine for a millisecond, that handsome face, designer stubble and boyishness. A frown crosses his face and he shifts away quickly almost like our connection electrocuted him. The effect is crushing, my heart instantly elerates into overdrive and starts pounding in my chest like a painful war drum. I bite down on my lip to try to even out my heartbeat as my limbs turn cold and begin to tremble. This is another reason why I could never ask him about Ray. That look said it all, he doesn¡¯t want to know me anymore. He¡¯s wearing a tailored dark blue suit with a white shirt and dark tie. Looking impressively handsome, like the CEO I first met almost a year ago. My breathing shallows and my hands turn to ice, but I¡¯m fixated on his back, unable to remove my gaze from his tall physique. His wide, sculpted shoulders emanate strength, his straight neck outlined by his short, dark hair. The agony of his proximity is tearing at me. I ache to reach out and brush my fingers against him, the man whose touch was once as normal as breathing. The wave of emotion throws me a curve ball and I have to fight to keep the tears at bay, my body wracked with intense agony. I never knew seeing him would hurt this much. I¡¯m still in love with him. Four weeks of separation have done nothing to quell the intensity of these feelings. This is all too much. I knew there was a chance our paths would cross at some point. But I hadn¡¯t expected it to be so soon or for it to feel this awful. I stay stock still, finding it hard to breathe. Trying my hardest to keep my eyes on my iPad, looking like I¡¯m in full control of my faculties as I force myself still. The elevator stops a few times and one or two men get on, pushing Jake to move closer toward me, where I am trying to pretend he¡¯s not here. His gaze stays on the front of the small space, deliberately ignoring my presence, and never straying my way. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. Oh, my god. Please, just acknowledge me ¡­ Please. I stare at my iPad on the verge of breaking down. The doors open again, and a crowd of people move in filling the elevator to full. Jake has no choice but to move closer, so he¡¯s almost beside me. The motion causes me to look up nervously. I catch his eye and he gazes at me for no more than a second, but his eyes are clear and steady, expression nk, before turning to face the door again. Another jolt in my chest, another slice of pain in my frazzled heart. He has no idea of the damage he can inflict with his impassiveness. My heart is pounding, the weight in my chest is suffocating me. I can smell his aftershave, smell his unique scent, so close, yet so far, the tension is almost radiating from every part of my body. God, I can¡¯t do this. I miss him so much. I nce up with relief as the elevator chimes at the thirty-second floor and push forward to get out. I have to cross in front of Jake to leave and almost brush against him, my skin surging with electricity and face flushing at the near contact. ¡°Miss. Anderson,¡± he utters quietly and politely as I go. His deep husky voice causing me physical pain. I dart a look back quickly, seeing his tight emotionless smile, confusion running through me and then overwhelming sadness. He doesn¡¯t seem surprised or phased to see me. In fact, he doesn¡¯t seem bothered in the slightest, just bored. ¡°Mr. Carrero.¡± I breathe, holding in every ounce of heartbreak. I can¡¯t manage a smile. I can barely manage a normal voice. As soon as I get to the open door I flee, pushing my way free, ignoring the puzzled looks from the men in suits as I dash into the hall to solitude. I¡¯m hyperventting by the time I hit my desk, overwhelmed, and ravaged, struggling not to cry with the aftereffects of finally seeing him. How can he still have this affect over me? How can I be so weak? My emotions, already taut from thest couple of days are not helping. I¡¯m overreacting and overtired. The chaos of eventstely is destroying any hold I have on old Emma¡¯sposure, breaking me down into this sniveling mess I¡¯m trying so hard to ovee. Wilma throws me an odd look from her desk, through the ss partition. I slump down in my chair, trying to feign a smile, and turn away to conceal my devastation. My head is aching. I¡¯m cold and dizzy and my throat is constricting so much I can¡¯t speak. I¡¯m holding back tears with so much effort it makes my throat ache. ¡°Emma, dear ¡­ Are you okay?¡± Wilma appears beside me as I rush to w myself back together, not wanting her to see the mess I¡¯m in. ¡°Yes, I ¡­ Ummm. I¡¯m fine.¡± I try but my voice betrays me; wobbling and breaking, raw with emotion. ¡°Emma, what¡¯s happened? You left for lunch fine. Now you¡¯re as white as a sheet. You look so distraught?¡± Sheys a gentle hand on my shoulder and I almost flinch at the alien contact. It¡¯s so unexpected from someone I barely know. ¡°Nothing.¡± I stammer. ¡°I just didn¡¯t feel well for a minute.¡± I lie, expertly, pushing it all back down inside. At least my mother taught me one thing growing up, how to lie like a pro. ¡°Do you need to go home?¡± She takes my arm gently, forcing me to look at her, her expression grim as though I may break into a million pieces. This woman is so motherly and nice, it¡¯s hard to keep my cold composure, it isn¡¯t helping my mental state at all. Why couldn¡¯t I have had a mother like her instead? A mother who genuinely cared for my wellbeing. ¡°No ¡­ no. Honestly ¡­ I just need a moment.¡± My breathing is shallow with the effort of struggling to calm the erratic beating of my heart, ¡°Emma, maybe lie down and rx. It¡¯s not like you to get overwhelmed.¡± She pats my arm and gives me a knowing look. One that says, ¡®do as I say. Now!¡¯ I nod, relieved when her expression lightens, and she moves away to leave me to get going. I look around at the other staff sat at their desks typing away or on their phones. No one looks my way and Wilma is hovering over a new girl, showing her some files. I don¡¯t hesitate. I take my bag and purse and head out as soon as I see her entering her office. I need some head space to fall apart and reel myself in privately. It¡¯s better than trying to hold this all in to self- combustter in the day. Chapter 98 Chapter 98 I sit in thedies¡¯ restroom on a soft plush chaise lounge in the washing area. It¡¯s the only ce I could get to quickly that was private enough to bring myself back to inner calm. My head is all over the ce. This is about more than just Jake. It¡¯s everything. I¡¯ve been holding it all in since the morning after my mother left. Her, myck of ability to stay in control, the aching loneliness of Jake¡¯s absence, and now seeing him. It¡¯s all too much. Maybe it¡¯s time I faced reality and looked for another job. I was stupid to think I could work here, only floors away from him. Acting like we don¡¯t know each other anymore. I just can¡¯t do it. I can¡¯t handle the thought that any time I leave this floor I might see him. There¡¯s a chance we could run into one another anywhere in this building, and I¡¯ve just proven I can¡¯t deal with it. Looking around at the contemporary furnishings I sigh. My heart rate calmer, for now, but I know I can¡¯t keep living like this, in the hope of feeling better. How long before I¡¯m an emotional train wreck again because I¡¯ve spotted him across a hall? Or in an elevator? Or even in a meeting? I need to get a grip of myself. I need to think about this rationally, think about what¡¯s best for me and moving on with my life. * * * I take the elevator down to the lower floors where there¡¯s a huge canteen for staff to eat with a pleasant seated area that is surprisingly private. I need time to think in a calm and quiet ce, take a moment to browse the ssifieds again and really think this through. Think my future through and where I go from here. I grab a chair and sit by therge ss windows, with my English tea and bagel, to spend some time pondering over my next steps now I am back to calm. I have no intention of walking away from this table until I have a n in my head about where I go next or what I do. I know one thing for sure, I can¡¯t work here anymore. I was an idiot toe back at all. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. I skim the ssifieds in the paper someone had left on the table and I circle a couple of jobs, but neither have the lure of the one I¡¯m in now, or evenpare to being the PA to New York¡¯s richest yboy. They don¡¯t meet the sry I¡¯m used to having either. God, I need to try harder. I pull out my cell and scroll through some online job sites. There¡¯s a position for a PA to some European businessman so I jot it down on my note pad. Am I really doing this? Have I really decided to leave Carrero House? ¡°Emma?¡± The chirpy voice draws my attention and I nce up to see Rosalie beaming at me. My old assistant. She looks pretty today, long auburn hair loose around her shoulders and her fitted cream suit entuates her olive skin and hazel eyes. She always was a friendly looking girl. ¡°Hello, Rosalie! It¡¯s nice to see you.¡± I smile back, easily, folding my paper over and moving it aside, gesturing to her to sit. She smiles brightly and flops down in front of me. ¡°I really have missed you on the sixty-fifth, you were my ideal boss.¡± She grins again, her smile overtaking her face beautifully and for the first time I realize just how much I¡¯ve missed her. I never really gave the idea much thought when we worked together but seeing her. She used to ease my stresses and organize finer details, leaving me free to be brilliant. My secret weapon. But above all, she always had a smile for me, and I knew she was my back up, someone I could always count on. With her, I never felt like I was doing it alone. ¡°I miss you too. I really miss your hot choctes, a lot.¡± Iugh, being genuine with her, probably for the first time. ¡°You seem different now ¡­ I¡¯m sorry if that¡¯s rude.¡± She lowers hershes. ¡°It¡¯s just, I¡¯ve seen you at a distance a couple of times and I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s like there¡¯s something different,¡± a hint of blush creeps up her cheek. ¡°I feel different, Rosalie, it¡¯s not rude ¡­ I guess I¡¯m the talk of the office, right?¡± I sip my tea and raise an eyebrow. It¡¯s inevitable they¡¯re all talking about the PA who was sent away, only to be sent back again a monthter. ¡°A bit ¡­ There¡¯s so much gossip about why you left.¡± She blushes fully this time, averting her eyes to the paper on the table. ¡°Ignore the gossip, it¡¯ll blow over soon enough,¡± I reply so calmly I surprise myself. I know the gossip¡¯s been running thick but not one ounce of truth has made it out there. Rosalie¡¯s never been one to push for information when ites to Jake and I wonder how much she picked up on, and how much she guessed. ¡°He misses you; you know?¡± She watches me a little intently and I freeze with my cup mid-air and shake my head. Carefully cing the cup down. ¡°He was the one who chose to send me elsewhere, Rosalie. Jake and I ¡­¡± I sigh. ¡°We reached a ce in our rtionship that wasn¡¯t working anymore.¡± I avoid her eye for a moment. ¡°I get that, I could see it happening. It¡¯s just ¡­ Since you¡¯ve been gone, he¡¯s not much fun to work for anymore.¡± Her cheeks glow still, revealing her difort and she looks away quickly. ¡°He¡¯ll get over it, I¡¯m sure. That¡¯s what Jake does best.¡± I tap my nails on the tabletop, trying to end this line of conversation. Squirming as heartache grows stronger. ¡°Are you leaving?¡± she squeaks, alerting me to where she¡¯s looking, sitting up straight in a sh, she¡¯s noticed my notes on the pad beside me ¡­ The European PA job. I mustn¡¯t have folded it away as discreetly as I thought I had. Uh-oh. Smooth move, Emma! ¡°Thinking about it.¡± I cut in smoothly, flipping the pad over. I don¡¯t know why I care about her knowing. Everyone will find out soon enough if I hand my resignation in. I¡¯m sure even that would make it to the sixty-fifth floor in a hurry. ¡°I know things went south upstairs, but I always believed you¡¯de back ¡­ That whatever happened with you and Jake, it¡¯d blow over. He misses you, regardless of what you say. You were both such a perfect fit, it¡¯s just so awful to see you drifting apart.¡± Her face is so earnest it quells my urge to snort, instead I shake my head sadly, as a familiar lump in my throat resurfaces. ¡°It¡¯splicated. I really doubt he misses me at all ¡­ We wanted different things. This is for the best. I know that¡¯s not really an exnation but trust me.¡± It¡¯s the only one I cane up with. ¡°Men are reallyplicated but I know one thing ¡­ Men in bad moods? Angry, shouty men, like Jake has been for thest few weeks? Are usually angry and shouty because they¡¯re hurting in some way ¡­ It started the day you left, and he¡¯s only gotten worse. Take from that what you will.¡± Her pointed expression and raised eyebrow make my insides droop. I look at the table knowing full well his recent mood has nothing to do with me. He came home with Marissa in tow, and the knowledge that he is going to be a father. His ex-girlfriend turned drunken one- night stand in a moment of weakness, made sure of that. No wonder he¡¯s gone off the scale with his moods. His life has always been so perfectly uplicated with no real ties or rtionship commitments. Marissa dropping that bombshell on him upends everything that makes him happy. Jake isn¡¯t missing me; Jake is missing the life he had before he got a girl pregnant. I cast a picture in my mind to one of his petty res and it makes me smile for a moment, even mad or pissed in some way, he was too beautiful for words. ¡°Jake has a lot going on, Rosalie ¡­ I¡¯m not even a factor in his moods ¡­ Trust me.¡± I smile tightly, as she stands. She lightly squeezes my hand on the table and straightens her jacket, picking up her paper cup of coffee. ¡°I need to head back if I¡¯mte he¡¯ll probably yell at me again ¡­ It¡¯s been nice to see you, Emma ¡­I mean really, really, nice.¡± She gives me a killer smile and it melts me. My reaction is almost spontaneous, without thinking, I jump up and give her a hug. Something inside tells me this is a goodbye hug. She hesitantly hugs me back after a moment of shock and pulls away. ¡°You really are so different ¡­ I like it.¡± She turns on her heel, grinning, leaving me with a wave. I watch her walk off among the milling people until she¡¯s out of sight, a strange feeling of longing as she goes. She represents everything I had ¡­ The office, the job with Jake, her, my friendship with him, and a whole other world. Saying goodbye to her represents how I¡¯m feeling now. It¡¯s time to move on with my life. Chapter 99 Chapter 99 I walk up the hall toward my desk ncing at the clock. I¡¯ve been gone almost two hours, but something tells me Wilma won¡¯t mind. I¡¯ve worked like crazy sinceing here and she seems to trust my skills. I¡¯ve returned a lot calmer and happier. I¡¯ll happily put in the hours at the end of the day to make sure she knows I¡¯m not abusing my second chance at being here. She¡¯ll be happy with that. Plus, now I have some sort of n about what I¡¯m going to do, I feel better. I¡¯ve always liked ns and control, knowing where I¡¯m going and what I¡¯m doing. Despite it not being exactly what I want in life, it¡¯s a step forward with a new focus. Determined to move on I have a notebook full of jobs to look atter tonight, resolving to apply for at least one of them. I beam at her as I pass her ss walled office and she grins back, phone to her ear and animated hand gestures. I¡¯ll miss her, even though my time in her department has been brief. I¡¯mfortable working with her, there¡¯s something about her that makes me like her; she instantly puts you at ease with a feeling that you can trust her. The files on my desk are full of guest list suggestions from this morning. She wants me to research some new additions, some big names, and big money to satisfy the media attention. People who sum up what the Carrero name stands for, elegance, opulence, and grandeur. My cell rings as I¡¯m reading through the list, picking up the receiver I put it to my ear, lost in the words before my eyes. ¡°Emma Anderson, speaking,¡± I answer distractedly, holding it between my chin and shoulder as I flick over a page. ¡°You¡¯re going nowhere, Emma.¡± Jake¡¯s harsh voice halts me, my breath catches in my lungs. My stomach receives a sudden punch reaction to his deep familiar tone. He sounds pissed, his voice is deep and growling, terrifyingly close to my ear. I pull my cell away, scowling, as though it¡¯s offended me in some way before returning it, angrily. ¡°I¡¯ll go where I damn well please ¡­ It has nothing to do with you!¡± I spit, his domineering behavior has never been a hit with me, nor do I fancy his chances now. His reaction bringing out the fight in me impulsively. ¡°It¡¯s got everything to do with me ¡­ You¡¯re still under contract. I¡¯ll make it impossible for you to leave until your contract ends ¡­ To the fucking second it ends.¡± He¡¯s yelling at me now. Like a psycho bull in rage mode. Ughhhhh. What the actual hell? Why is he being like this? How is me leaving anything to do with him? Absolutely fucking nothing! My rage seers dramatically, triggered by his. ¡°Why do you care?! You don¡¯t want me around, but you don¡¯t want me to leave either? That makes no sense ¡­ You can¡¯t dictate my life to me anymore, Jacob!¡± I snap, taking the wind out of his sails slightly. ¡°You can¡¯t just up and leave, New York is your home.¡± His tone switches a little, pleading slightly but the moment I realize it, his voice changes back again, ¡°Don¡¯t call me fucking Jacob!¡± His temper matches mine. Fire meeting fire. If there was ever hope in my mind of an emotional reunion with Jake, this proved I was sopletely wrong. This here, sums up everything he sent me away for. This anger between us, always simmering, for no goddamn reason. It reced how we used to get along. Jake is pig-headed, domineering, stubborn, asshole! ¡°Last I checked it was the name your mother graced you with. Suits you when you¡¯re being an idiot. I¡¯ll leave New York if I want to. Hell, if I want to leave the goddamn country then you don¡¯t have a say. Back off, Carrero. I¡¯m not your PA anymore.¡± I let it all out in a gust of emotion, anger, and bravado. Steeling the internal tremors of having him finally contacting me, finally talking to me, knowing he made first contact. ¡°Be rational, Emma. You¡¯ve worked so hard ande so far in thispany, don¡¯t throw it all away to spite me.¡± His anger is wavering, he sounds more like he¡¯s pleading yet I am so confused with this, and angry. I¡¯m not backing down, not after the way he hurt me. I¡¯m also mad at Rosalie right now, I know she wouldn¡¯t have meant this reaction. She must have mentioned it to Margo and Margo, of course, has told Jake. I groan, inwardly, there¡¯s only one way to deal withmanding Carrero when he¡¯s like this. ¡°Butt out, Jake. I¡¯m nothing to do with you anymore. That¡¯s what you wanted, remember?¡± I retort coolly, taking a deep breath and hang up on him. I turn my cell off, my hands shaking violently. I know what he¡¯s like, he¡¯ll call back and I won¡¯t have the willpower to be quite so brave. I inhale deeply, steadying myself against my chair and smooth a hair from my face in a bid to regain control. Taking a moment to still the absolute chaos of a train wreck inside me, looking around seeing no one has raised eyes toward me. No one heard anything. I¡¯m visibly shaking and try to cool it down. Good ¡­ No scene ¡­ No damage. Wilma is still on her call, writing notes as she talks. The other few girls at nearby desks are engrossed inptops and papers, there¡¯s a man wandering across the far wall toward the water cooler. No one has looked my way at all. My desk phone rings, and I automatically pick it up. ¡°Don¡¯t fucking hang up on me again.¡± Jake snaps down the line, my body sagging into my chair in detion. I clutch my temple, a headacheing on at his grumpy asshole mood. I know this side of him only too well and I¡¯ve no energy for it. All I¡¯ve done is make him worse and antagonized the part of him that wants tosh out at me. This is all I need. Well done, Emma, well done! ¡°I can¡¯t do this, Jake ¡­ Please.¡± My voice has lost all its conviction. I sound weak and tearful. I¡¯m exhausted, he exhausts me, this whole thing is exhausting. Last thing I need is this, him on the line giving me the Mr. Dominant Ice routine. I don¡¯t have the ability to deal with him anymore. ¡°Do what?¡± He sounds genuinely confused and I roll my eyes. ¡°I¡¯m looking for jobs elsewhere, nothing you say can change it. It¡¯s better for both of us that way. Please stop calling me, I have work to do ¡­ Goodbye.¡± I don¡¯t give him a chance to talk but hang up again. I''ve barely cradled it before it starts ringing again, a light on my phone indicates it¡¯s an inside line. I know it¡¯s him. Screw you, Jake ¡­ Stop doing this. Leave me alone! I get up and walk away from my phone. It¡¯s loud ringing drumming in my ears. Some of the others in the office have looked up to see the cause of their interruption at work, but they quickly look back down when met with my angry re. I¡¯m d in such a brief time they¡¯ve learned not to mess with me; at least I still have that part of PA Emma somewhere inside of me. I walk to the water cooler and get a cup of water as it finally stops ringing, relief atst ¡­ only it starts again secondster. Shit. I can¡¯t keep ignoring calls. What if they¡¯re from clients? Actual work? I walk back and flick on my answering machine, killing it mid-ring. At least this way I can catch genuine calls, take messages, and filter out Jake. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. I grab my iPad and a file then head to the hall. If I go to the copy room to get duplicates of some work Wilma gave me then I can focus on doing something menial until he gets bored and gives up. Unfortunately, I think that may take a while seeing as Jake can be as persistent as toothache. He¡¯ll get the hint soon enough, I hope, knowing only too well that ¡°dog trying to sniff out a bone¡± attitude he possesses. I notice Wilma catch my eye as I walk past her ss wall, waving and pointing to the copy room with a smile I wander off as she nods me away. I may have wanted to talk to you again, Jake, but not like this. All you¡¯ve done is show me how right you were to send me away. * * * I copy several sheets needed to make booklets about the status of the dance for the meeting tomorrow. Leaning against the side table I put the copies into piles for stapling. My head¡¯s spinning with Jake at the forefront of my mind. His reaction to my wanting to leave and his attitude. I don¡¯t get why he¡¯s being like this. It¡¯s got nothing to do with him. Is he worried he¡¯ll look bad if I up and leave? No. Jake never cares what people think, it¡¯s his most admirable quality, no matter how annoying. Maybe he¡¯s just really annoyed that my contract isn¡¯t out. After all, I did sign for another year not long before I left, maybe he just wants to make sure he gets every second he can out of me. At least that¡¯s what he said on the phone anyway. He always saw my potential. I¡¯m sure he¡¯ll want to keep face with his father after making such a huge deal about keeping me employed in the Carrero empire. This isn¡¯t about me, I don¡¯t matter to him, this is about him in some vague narcissistic way. The door creaks open and I turn expecting to greet one of the girls but freeze, my face dropping and coldness sweeping up from my stomach to my neck. Jake is towering in the doorway. His eyes are cial, his body emanating extreme power and rage as he stares at me like a rabid dog. He¡¯s dressed in navy suit pants, white shirt with rolled up sleeves and open cor. His tie is loose and hanging down his chest, jacket: AWOL. He¡¯s impably dressed but with the re of a psychopath. He looks ready to take on a rabid beast. Oh hell. Chapter 100 Chapter 100 I swallow hard, a wave of fear creeps up from my toes and envelopes my body. ¡°You and I need to talk ¡­ Now!¡± He ms the door,tching it so no one else can enter. I¡¯m sure the entire floor heard the bang. My body stiffens, this is thest thing I need. Being in here and feeling the way I do; I have no defensive y for him this way. How can he just sweep in like a tornado and ruin me? All the control I mustered, all that inner calm, gone, with just his voice and a look. I turn away, sure he¡¯ll see the emotion filling my eyes as I pull the file from the copier, throwing it among the piles I¡¯veid out. It¡¯s a good excuse to keep my head turned away, using the task to stop tears from spilling over while I scramble to hold on to any control I have left. The only thing I manage to say is, ¡°Go away,¡± my voice, small and fragile. His strong hand grabs my arm, yanking me round to face him, setting me off bnce so I il my arms out and nt my palms on his chest to steady myself. I recoil my hands at the heated touch as searing tingles race through me from the contact. ¡°You¡¯re not going to Europe!¡± His eyes bore into mine, his jaw tense. He looks dangerous and wired, I think he¡¯s lost his mind. This is the first time I¡¯ve ever truly been afraid of him physically hurting me, he looks ready to hurt someone and as I¡¯m the only one locked in here with him, I¡¯m nervous. The blood drains from my face, my body sending another surge of coldness through me in response. ¡°It¡¯s not even a possibility yet ¡­ I¡¯ve only just seen the job ¡­ I haven¡¯t applied.¡± I sound timid and afraid; his face softens realizing my fear, so he releases some of the grip he has on my arm. This has nothing to do with him ¡­ He can¡¯t control your life. Stand up to him, Emma, don¡¯t let him stamp all over you. ¡°You belong here ¡­ In New York ¡­ In the Carrero Corporation.¡± He looks away, his rage sizzling into something else, something unreadable. He lets go of me and I move away, fast, putting distance between us, standing against a table at the far corner. He sees me move and frowns, as though he doesn¡¯t understand why I would be nervous of him. Really, Jake? ¡°Please, Jake ¡­ This isn¡¯t your concern anymore.¡± I turn away, confusion and heartbreak fighting one another. He¡¯s standing straight and tense, every pore sending me mixed signals in the small, windowless room. Why couldn¡¯t this have been different? Himing to see me and treating me like this only serves to drive a wedge even further between us. ¡°You¡¯re always going to be my concern, Emma ¡­ Whether you know it or not.¡± His voice is lower and softer now. I turn back to face him and find him looking at the wall to the right. His eyes are transfixed on nothing, as he sighs heavily, it seems his fiery burst of anger has fast burned out. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. ¡°You make it sound like a burden, like you have no choice?¡± I almostugh as I say it, feeling anything but joyous, just broken. He looks at me, eyes slowly move over my face, his expression guarded. He says nothing, just frowns, infuriatingly, giving nothing away. Someone bangs on the door, causing him to jump. From my corner, I can see he¡¯s lost his angry re, his temper fully dissipating making his body slump a little. Burned out from being the giant fire ball of fury that barged in here, he seems to have lost all his fight and I realize he¡¯s not acting like the Jake Carrero I thought I knew. ¡°Open the door, Jake, before the office temps start a rumor that we¡¯re making out in the copy room.¡± I sigh, overwhelmed, heavy and tired. I think I¡¯m probably on the verge of fainting. Internally rattled but mostly just fed up with being an emotional wreck. I need a drink. All of this, today, with Jake, has been too much for me; from no contact at all to seeping into my entire day. Jake is like an all-consuming ck hole. ¡°Maybe we should give them something to gossip about?¡± he smirks at me and I recognize a hint of my Jake ¡­ My cheeky Mr. Carrero, he hasn¡¯t changed one bit underneath the ¡®bear with a sore head¡¯ demeanor and it makes me sad. Despite myself, a smile tugs my lips and I shake my head at him. ¡°I could still sue you for sexual harassment you know ¡­ since I still work in the samepany.¡± I look away, shyly, as he unlocks the door, letting in an irate receptionist. She looks from him to me and back again before turning cherry red and making excuses to disappear. Jake watches her go but leaves the door standing ajar. It seems neither of us have the energy for this anymore and he puts his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hunching like he¡¯s been deted. Instead of making him look more vulnerable all it does is make him look so much more male and stronger. A pang in my chest, hits hard, almost winding me. ¡°I¡¯d probably deserve it.¡± He shrugs, looking me up and down. I can¡¯t read anything in his face, only that he¡¯s no longer angry. ¡°Don¡¯t go, Emma ¡­ Please.¡± He sounds so sincere. It¡¯s so unexpected, it causes a lump to catch in my throat. ¡°I haven¡¯t decided on anything, Jake ¡­ I need space to think ¡­ Not you, charging in here yelling at me and ordering me around. I need time to figure things out.¡± I respond, firmly, watching him. Aching bodily for him. He sighs, heavily, looking me over slowly, more deliberately and I goosebump under his gaze. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to go ¡­ I need you to understand that.¡± There¡¯s a hint of that boyish Jake I love so much, and it rips through my chest like a chainsaw. He pulls out his hands and walks toward me, closing the gap between us, forcing the air around me to thin so I can barely inhale. ¡°You wanted me out of your life a month ago. Nothing¡¯s changed between us. New York is my home, Jake, but maybe it¡¯s not where I¡¯ll find my happy ever after. If you¡¯re still my friend, then let me make my own choices.¡± I step toward him slowly, impulsively, itching to reach out and touch him but stop a foot from his tall, powerful frame as I realize what I¡¯m doing; we¡¯re standing face -to- face. ¡°I want you to be happy, I do. I just don¡¯t want it to be in a ce that I¡¯ll never see you again.¡± He frowns down at me, his green eyes darkening to almost hazel and the intensity of his frown furrows his perfect brow. ¡°Thest thing you ever said to me was that we would never see each other again. Now it seems like you didn¡¯t mean it.¡± The ache to fall against his body, and feel his arms close around me, pushes me to move a step away. I¡¯m not stupid enough to believe we could ever go back. ¡°Maybe I just don¡¯t know what¡¯s good for me when ites to you. I don¡¯t know when to leave it alone.¡± His handes to push a stray hair from my face, something he¡¯s done a thousand times before, but it never felt as unbearable as it is now. I turn my face, so his hand falls away. Unable to stand it. ¡°You need to leave it alone. Leave me alone to get on with my life.¡± I swallow down the tears, so close to breaking. ¡°I know.¡± It¡¯s barely audible, more a breathy agreement. His eyes lose a little of their Carrero sparkle. We both inhale, slowly, acknowledging what we know is for the best. As heartbreaking as it is, for me at least. ¡°Walk with me, Emma ¡­ at least to the elevator?¡± It¡¯s such an odd request, one that leaves him looking so young and unsure. There¡¯s a vibration in the air between us, a heaviness full of tension. I hesitate, then nod and move forward. He takes my movement as eptance and opens the door for me, following out at a distance. ¡°Does this mean you¡¯re sorry for acting like a stalker?¡± I throw him a shy smile, unsure how to navigate this situation, hoping humor, like always, would break the tension. ¡°No.¡± He smiles back but it doesn¡¯t reach his eyes. At least we¡¯re no longer yelling. Now we¡¯re just quiet and reflective. ¡°Nice to see you haven¡¯t lost your touch, still overbearing and arrogant.¡± I smile softly at him again, walking side by side, trying to act normal yet nervously filling the silence. The change between how we used to act around one another is highlighted more so. We¡¯re just pretending now, the awkwardness of this walk, cracking the air. ¡°You haven¡¯t even begun to see the depth of my overbearing stalker skills.¡± He grins, the usual humor in his voice is missing. We¡¯re just going through the motions of how we used to joke andugh. It¡¯s all very polite, hiding a sea of emotions under the surface. ¡°Talking of which ¡­¡± I hesitate and look around as the words fall out impulsively. Ray shes into my head but I pause. Not here ¡­ People will hear. He frowns at me, sensing I have something serious to ask him. ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°I need to talk to you about something ¡­ Well, actually, ask you something ¡­ Just not here, okay?¡± I look around again as we get to the elevator. Too many curious eyes are ncing our way, wondering why Jake Carrero is walking me to the lift. Too many ogling women appreciating the sight that he is. The elevator pings as the doors open and I turn to him to say goodbye. Suddenly, Jake hauls me into it with him and I stumble into his arms against his hard chest as his arm slides around my waist to stop me crashing to the ground off my heels. Stunned as I gasp in shock, aware that most of the hall has just seen what he did. I push him away hard and angrily, trying to right myself on my own feet. Why the hell does he do things like this? Always manhandling me any time he chooses, like a freaking child. Even after everything, he still thinks he has a right! ¡°What are you doing?¡± I snap, annoyed that my frustrations are met with a smile and a shrug. The urge to throat punch him is overwhelming. I try to straighten up, my clothes now riding up to my armpits. ¡°You wanted to talk, what¡¯s more private than in here?¡± The doors slide shut, locking us in and I re at him, motioning a strangle at his neck with my w like mannerisms. ¡°You¡¯re so ¡­ Aargh! Always with the grabbing!¡± I bark, turning away from him in agitation, ignoring the self-satisfied look on his smug, asshole face. He actually looks amused! He¡¯s right though, although there are cameras in here watching everything, they have no sound. My temper simmers down to minor annoyance as I realize he¡¯s done me a favor. How many times has he acted like this in the past? Too many to count. The eternal child in him is frustrating. Chapter 101 Chapter 101 ¡°What do you want to ask me, Emma?¡± He leans against the wall of the elevator and casually sprawls back, crossing a foot at the ankle over his other and perching his butt against the handrail. His hands are in his pockets and he¡¯s looking at the floor. This is the Prince Carrero pose I¡¯ve seen so many times before, rxed, in his domain. I eye him up warily and sigh down my rejections to his manhandling. ¡°Ray Vanquis,¡± I utter quietly. He looks up, but I¡¯m unable to meet his eyes. When I don¡¯t say anything else, he stands upright and steps toward me. ¡°Has he contacted you?¡± his anger evident with each word. ¡°What has he done? Has he hurt you?¡± His hand grabs my wrist, pulling me to him, harshly. There is a fire in his eyes, an instant rage almost boiling over. His body is hunched into me, as a sort of protective shield and his face is terrifying. Sharp angles and simmering fury. ¡°No, Jake, no ¡­ I promise.¡± I resist the urge to recoil knowing he¡¯d never hurt me. He rxes a little, letting me loose so I can move back, agitation over his face. ¡°I would kill him this time, I swear.¡± He grits his teeth then runs his hand through his cropped hair, trying to bring some calm to his demeanor, yet only messing up his neatness. I missed protective Jake, seeing him like this makes me ache and tugs at my heart as I watch him. The urge to fix that ruffled hair almost overwhelming me. His stance is rigid as though ready to fight. ¡°Jake ¡­¡± I sigh, ¡°I need to know what happened after Chicago?¡± I gaze at him, imploring his eyes to come to meet mine, frowning. ¡°Why?¡± He¡¯s instantly evasive and my suspicions click in ce. ¡°Something happened then?¡± His question confirms more than he¡¯d have ever told me if I hadn¡¯t brought it up. ¡°What makes you think that?¡± He¡¯s trying his smooth, I can talk myself out of anything, routine, moving back to the wall, leaning against it, stiffly this time. I know this side of him. I know when he¡¯s covering. ¡°Because men like Ray don¡¯t up and run the way he did ¡­ He broke it off with my mother and disappeared.¡± I keep my tone gentle; I don¡¯t want a fight. I just want the truth and going up against Jake with anger never works. ¡°Did you really think I would just forget it, Emma? Come home and not do anything?¡± His eyes me with aggression and the heat rises in my cheeks. ¡°What did you do?¡± My voice is quiet and unsure. I¡¯ve never known this side of Jake, and although I¡¯m d, I¡¯m also scared by what he¡¯s potentially done. ¡°You want details, Emma, or confirmation?¡± He moves forward and closer to me, expelling the air from my lungs. I can¡¯t think when he¡¯s so close and moving to almost touch me. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± My voice cracks, and he sighs, tracing a knuckle down my cheek slowly, my body flinching but I don¡¯t pull away. His touch igniting a million sensations across my skin, making my knees weaken. The urge to close my eyes and savor this is overwhelming, but I resist. Fight it. Don¡¯t let him affect you. Be strong. ¡°All you need to know is that it was made clear to him, that you and your mother are out of bounds, that should he ever reappear, there will be consequences, Emma ¡­ Worse than what I did to him in Chicago ¡­ That¡¯s all.¡± His voice is low, our faces so close I can breathe him in and it¡¯s heady. The ache to kiss him overwhelming me badly as he pauses so close to my mouth, his eyes stopping on my lips briefly. An odd paused moment runs between us, a tense static crackle I swear ignites in the air and then he steps back and moves away. I almost stop breathing. ¡°Are we done here?¡± He sighs with detion and a hint of returned hostility, the elevator pings almost at his request and opens as two men get in and I nod at him, working my way out to the hall. He follows me for a second holding the door open. Both of us suddenly again stiff with the appearance of other people. ¡°If you ever hear from him again, youe to me ¡­ No matter what.¡± His dark re sends a shiver down my spine. I nod, obediently, watching him, knowing that he means it. He gazes at me with a satisfied smirk and returns to the elevator, eyes glued to me as the door closes between us, blocking him from view. I stand, transfixed, staring at the elevator doors, feeling like I¡¯ve been ravaged. I hate that he does this to me anytime he¡¯s close to me. Pushing down the crazy turmoil inside I move to another elevator and wait until a door opens to return to my floor. I need to get back to my desk where I can recover from all that is Jake and process what he¡¯s just told me. * * * Back at my desk, I switch my answer machine off and turn my mobile on. There¡¯s already a notification waiting for me; an email from Jake. I sigh in frustration as I open it, torn between happiness and anger. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift ¡°I Will Find You¡± by nnad. I guess it¡¯s a joke about his stalker tendencies, apparently no matter where I go, he¡¯ll find me. He won¡¯t let me leave New York, at this rate I¡¯m sure I¡¯m not going to be allowed to leave thispany. I sigh and throw my cell down in agitation. We¡¯ll see about that, Carrero. I¡¯ve no idea which way is up or down anymore ¡­ Jake sends me away and acts like he doesn¡¯t know me. Next thing I know, he¡¯s all over my life, trying to tell me what to do and sending me songs. I¡¯m more confused than I thought possible. He¡¯s like a roller-coaster ride with his emotions, and it seems my feelings are taking a cue from him. It¡¯s all got to go. These stupid feelings and emotions, at least he confirmed my doubts about Ray Vanquis. Do I never have to worry about him again? Will Ray stay out of my mother¡¯s life for good? If he doesn¡¯t then I can only imagine what Jake will do. He isn¡¯t someone you mess with. For all his outward charm andid-back manner, Jake has a dangerous side. I¡¯ve seen it before, briefly. Having his money and power means the sky has no limits. He could make someone disappear if he wanted to. He certainly has the mind set to do it. His family have ties with the mafia, they keep it out of the media attention, deny the links but they are old-world Italian. His grandfather founded thispany amid mafia blood money rumors; stories which Jake has never denied nor confirmed. I shudder at the thought, but somehow takefort from it. Whether he is in my life or not, he¡¯s protecting me ¡­ Still. His power, reaching out, and sheltering me from afar. I could never hate him for that, he is the only person I¡¯ve ever met who cared enough to do that for me. That¡¯s why it hurt so much knowing I had to give him up when he pushed me away. * * * The afternoon goes by uneventfully. Jake left me be, and despite my shock at hearing from him and then seeing him; I¡¯m once again wavering over my decision to leave this ce. In one day, he¡¯s taken me down; then up and down again; from almost crying in rage, to smiles; then back toplete destion as I realize we have no reason to see one another again. All his visit has done is remind me of how much I miss him, his anger, humor, and charisma. His beauty and ability to change mood like the wind. I miss every part of him, and it makes me cry inside, seeing him only highlights how far I am from getting over him. Wilma doesn¡¯t mention his appearance at all. I¡¯m so bogged down with work the afternoon goes by quickly. I make up the lost two hours after most of the office staff leaves. I like having this quiet time to work through everything Wilma has asked of me. Focusing on work helps me ignore him and forget all about today and seeing him again.N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. Chapter 102 Chapter 102 It¡¯s dark out by the time I look up. I stretch out my back and get out of my seat. I¡¯ve ced more than twenty calls, emailed back and forth with several PAs dealing with invites for various important people, and I¡¯ve liaised with the event nner. I¡¯m sure there¡¯s nothing else I can do tonight since it¡¯s nearly 7.00 p.m. The weather¡¯s moving toward winter so the sun¡¯s setting earlier. I didn¡¯t expect it to be this dark. I regret staying sote, since the walk from the station in Queens will be dark and slightly frightening. I clear up my desk and power down myptop then pick up my coat and bag, walking to the elevator with a stifling yawn. It pings, the doors open, and I enter, not surprised to find it empty. The elevator slows down and pings again, I look up to notice it¡¯s stopped at the fourteenth floor. Odd, since very few staff stay beyond five thirty. I don¡¯t think Jake and I ever left before seven when I worked with him, but he always was a workaholic. The door opens and I¡¯m expecting another empty floor; my eyes focused on my cell, checking messages. Someonees in, a male. I can see his shoes and trousers from this angle, and he stands close to me, a little too close. His aftershave takes over the space, sticking in my throat, pushing me to nce up. There¡¯s something vaguely familiar about him and I¡¯m sure we¡¯ve met before, when I was Jake¡¯s PA. He¡¯s in histe forties with silver gray hair and heavy-set features. He smiles at me before I return to my cell. There¡¯s something about him that makes me uneasy, so I move further away, subtly. I wrap my arm around myself, guarding my body. ¡°You¡¯re Emma Anderson, right?¡± his gruff voice interrupts my obvious disinterest in him, and I nce over and frown. ¡°I am, yes ¡­ Why do you ask?¡± Looking him up and down, I note the well-tailored gray suit, and expensive shoes, he must be one of the executives, rather than just office staff. He has an air of wealth and confidence about him, and the arrogance of a man who always gets what he wants. You know? Like Jake. ¡°I¡¯m Dan Gabrielle.¡± He extends a hand and the name rings a bell, yet for the life of me I can¡¯t ce it. I¡¯m normally good with faces and names. ¡°Pleasure,¡± I answer coolly, shaking his hot, rough hand and retract to stand as gracefully as I can to the side. My brain connects the dots and I recognize him. Dan Gabrielle is one of the Carrero¡¯s top tier executives. He deals with merchandising the beauty and grooming products. I¡¯ve heard so many rumors about this man, and his lifestyle, from the office staff. He¡¯s known as someone to steer well clear of among the women. It¡¯s only my stupid luck that I would get trapped in an elevator alone with him after hours. ¡°I heard you used to be Jake¡¯s PA? ¡­ I¡¯ve been looking for a new girl myself ¡­ Myst one left suddenly.¡± He smirks, and an odd glint in his eye causes my stomach to lurch in apprehension. I wonder how many advances she rebuffed before leaving, knowing all too well the kind of behavior the executives sometimes like to use on their PAs, especially since I have first-hand experience of it with Dawson. ¡°I¡¯m not looking for another PA position within thispany ¡­ I¡¯m working with Wilma Munro on events and such.¡± I look away, pushing my cell into my bag to give me something else to focus on. He moves closer, gaze stilling on the neckline of the blouse under my fitted jacket. With a disgusting grin widening on his face I realize he¡¯s found the slightest hint of cleavage peeking out at the top of my clothes. My stomach drops and my nerves start to flutter. rm bells drowning out everything in a crazy manic fashion. Sexual harassment ismon in the offices, moremon than people like to admit, and this guy is giving serious vibes. I¡¯ve been here before, handled this kind of thing multiple times before working for Jake. I know most of those high-ups here would never believe me, but Jake never made me feel this way in all the time he was with me, not once, regardless of his hands-on approach. ¡°I¡¯m sure we cane to some sort of agreement.¡± He moves closer, so close his arm is against my shoulder. I¡¯m against the elevator wall, there¡¯s nowhere else for me to go. ¡°I need a pretty girl with good skills ¡­ I hear Jake couldn¡¯t keep up with you, so he had to let you go.¡± The slimy snake-like tone in his smarmy voice causes my chin to snap up and re at him. I know what he¡¯s hinting at, he¡¯s heard rumors, or assumed, that Jake and I were having sex. Oh, my god. ¡°I don¡¯t know what your implying, but I¡¯m not interested.¡± I spit angrily, trying to move back but feel the walle up behind me, it¡¯s closer than I thought it was. It doesn¡¯t stop him shifting even closer, caging me in so I am trapped. ¡°I¡¯m a believer in never saying never, Miss. Anderson. I normally get what I want. I¡¯ve seen you around the building ¡­ I particrly like the attire.¡± He leans into me and talks into my ear, ¡°Tight, fuckable skirts and sexy stilettos.¡± He runs a hand up the side of my tight pencil skirt, from thigh to hip, then travels across the front heading toward the apex of my thighs. His touch causes revulsion and bile to creep up my throat and I shove him away hard. Using all my strength so he forcibly staggers back. No ¡­ No ¡­ No! Why does this shit always happen to me? Just like Dawson when I worked for him and his wandering hands! What the hell is it about me that screams¡ªTouch me? ¡°Get the hell away from me!¡± I yell at him, hearing the door ping. I run out at full speed, not caring if anyone sees my manic departure and run smack into a brick wall. ¡°Fuck,¡± grunts the wall. There¡¯s an ¡°ooomph¡± and a groan, then a thud as we both hit the floor. I¡¯m lying fully on top of someone¡¯s warm, hard body. Their arms around my waist as I scramble to take a breath, the fall must¡¯ve knocked the wind out of me. ¡°Jesus, Emma ¡­ A hello would have sufficed.¡± N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. I groan at Jake¡¯s voice and raise my head,ing nose to nose with him. His perfect green eyes locking onto mine from a far too intimate angle, memories flood into my brain. Really? It had to be him! Of all people. Why him? I push myself up, quickly, from sheer embarrassment, and haul myself to my feet ungracefully. There¡¯s two men standing close by watching us with amusement, one of them leans down and helps Jake to his feet, picking up his cell in the process, handing it to him. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I breathe, panting. I look back at the lift, but it¡¯s shut ¡­ that creep has gone but my body is still vibrating with adrenaline and fear. ¡°What was that all about?¡± He smooths down his clothes before reaching out to drape back a strand of my hair, realizing what he¡¯s doing, he moves back quickly, dropping his hand to his side. I nce at the other men awkwardly, both seem to be staring anywhere but where we are, they mutter something incoherently and move off to give us space. ¡°Your employees are all assholes.¡± I bite, shaken by the encounter and speaking without thinking. The past me wouldn¡¯t have said anything about this. But this isn¡¯t the past me anymore, and new me is sick of men thinking I¡¯m a free for all. ¡°Why? What¡¯s happened? Is this the reason you came thundering out of the lift like a pro footballer, tackling me in a take-down?¡± He smiles at me gently and adjusts his jacket again, looking down to button it back up and smooth his tie behind it. I can¡¯t help but begin to smile too. ¡°Maybe.¡± I look away, embarrassed about this whole thing. ¡°Who was in there?¡± He thumbs toward the lift door, curiosity on his face. ¡°Wasn¡¯t my father by any chance?¡± He smirks, knowing too well his father is someone I would call an asshole. Jake and I share that kind of love for him. ¡°No. Your father, unlike you, knows to keep his hands to himself.¡± I regret it as soon as it¡¯s out of my mouth and I catch the darkness move into his eyes instantly, the grim look on his face that turns to psycho mode. Oops. Good one, Emma! ¡°Someoneid their hands on you?! In there ¡­ right now? Tell me who! Tell me, Emma!¡± He steps close enough to make me feel intimidated, his voiceced with anger. I sway over whether to tell him or not and know it¡¯s not wise to evade this. The two men have moved far off now, trying not to eavesdrop as Jake gets considerably louder. Me and my big mouth! ¡°He said he was called Gabrielle ¡­ Dan, I think ¡­¡± Ites out in a feeble mumble and I can¡¯t look him in the eye. I watch as his jaw tenses, he looks over my head at the lift door, his eyes narrow and jaw taught. ¡°I know exactly who he is,¡± snarling, he grabs my hand and pulls me with him so I almost stumble. I¡¯m jerked behind him, throwing a wave to his escorts, indicating he¡¯s leaving. They seem to hover for a second then walk off assured he is dismissing them. ¡°Where are you hauling me?¡± I try to pull my hand free, but he continues, holding tight, dragging me to the internal offices of this floor. My heart is racing, and my head is protesting every second. Fuck, fuck, fuck. ¡°To use an office ¡­ You need a seat and I need to have that mother fucker fired.¡± He sounds terrifying. His voice isced with venom and his muscles are rigid, a jolt of adrenaline shoots through me. Is this what I want? Oh, my god, the drama that wille because of this. It¡¯s not the first time I¡¯ve been groped in this building, but it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve told anyone ¡­ Told Jake. ¡°Wait, no. Jake, wait!¡± I panic, but he hauls me inside a small office and shuts the door behind us. Ignoring me, he swivels a chair round and sits me in it briskly, grabbing me by the arms, pushing me around like a rag doll. He perches on the desk beside me, pulling out his cell, his eyes gleaming with rage and I know better than to try to stand back up. ¡°Tell me exactly what happened ¡­ What he did ¡­ Every detail.¡± He¡¯s spitting razor des; his expression is serious and yet, I hesitate. Maybe I overreacted or misjudged the scenario ¡­ My face pales, unsure if I should tell him everything but I know he won¡¯t let this go. Chapter 103 Chapter 103 ¡°Now, Emma!¡± He growls my way and I realize this is futile, he won¡¯t let me leave until I do. I take a deep breath and stare at him, telling him in detail, as much as I can remember. He sits the whole time in silence, jaw clenched and brows down in an angry re, watching me intensely. I hate him looking at me that way. I¡¯m doubting myself, wondering if he¡¯s thinking I¡¯m being a drama queen. If he even believes me or is wondering why I would assume Dan had done anything wrong. When I¡¯m done, he pulls out his cell and barks orders at some poor soul, issuing marching orders on grounds of sexual harassment. He stills while they exin something to him on the other end of the line. ¡°Then set it up ¡­ Him, you and whatever legal team representatives are avable, first thing ¡­ Offer him severance. I don¡¯t give a shit! ¡­ I want him gone! No oneys a hand on any woman in this company without consequence ¡­ There¡¯s footage from the elevator CCTV, I¡¯ll deal with security myself.¡± He snaps themands, eyes fixated on my face, showing contained rage. There¡¯s a rise of pride within me as I watch him on the cell, that surge of love I always felt around him. Mr. Commanding ¡°don¡¯t mess with me¡± Carrero ¡­ Scary as shit boss. One thing that surprised me when I first encountered him, was how passionately he seemed to stand up for women, their rights and giving them respect in the workce. I guess his rtionship with his mother has a lot to do with how he is. It¡¯s one of the reasons I trust him so fully. I know he¡¯s probably one of the few men in this building I am safe around, despite his yboy, womanizing, status. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. ¡°No. The woman in question will not be there ¡­ I will ¡­ on her behalf.¡± He¡¯s still angry, shouting down his cell to whoever was unlucky enough to have a direct line to Jake. ¡°Call me back when it¡¯s set up ¡­ No matter what time ¡­ I¡¯ll clear my schedule ¡­ Yes ¡­ Goodbye.¡± He hangs up his cell, his mouth held in a tight line. ¡°I¡¯m taking you home.¡± It¡¯s amand, not a question and I know there¡¯s little point arguing with him when he¡¯s in battle mode. After the lift scene, I don¡¯t fancy walking to the station alone anyway. I¡¯m shaken but all I can do is nod and look away unsurely. I sense him move close to me so he¡¯s almost touching my knees with his legs. ¡°Are you okay?¡± His voice is so soft and gentle I¡¯m forced to nce up. He¡¯s holding out a hand to me and I ept as he pulls me to my feet. Slowly, he wraps one arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him and gives me a soothing hug, like Jake of old. His chin rests against my temple, letting all the tension seep out of me. This is the Jake I miss the most, the friend that he always was. This is the Jake who rips out my heart whenever he shows face. I miss you so much! ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I sigh, trying not to sag against him, or react to his body against mine. The two of us stand embraced, but it¡¯s awkward and tense; nothing like our hugs of the past. He releases me, searching my face for a hint of untruth, but sees nothing. I¡¯m so beyond used to men behaving that way toward me that I¡¯m no longer affected by it as I should be; a sad fact. ¡°Come on, my car¡¯s in the garage.¡± He takes my arm and guides me out of the small room, keeping me close beside his warmth and heads for the elevators once again. Once inside the atmosphere bes strained, neither of us knowing what to say or how to behave. He lets me go and moves away, giving me some space and I wonder if it¡¯s because of Gabrielle. If maybe he doesn¡¯t want to make me feel ufortable, enclosed in a small space with him, not that he ever would. Thankfully, the trip to the ground floor garage is short. He leads me to his car, something he rarely uses whening to work. It¡¯s a low, sleek, and powerful sports McLaren P1. His baby. Yet, I¡¯ve never seen it, or seen him in it, let alone drive it around New York. He¡¯s mentioned it many times before and I know it cost him over a million dors and I¡¯m stunned by just how seductive it is. It¡¯s jet ck and looks almost sinister, sat in his personal parking space, like a shadowy bat-mobile in the corner, shiny and purring at him from afar. The car is the epitome of sexiness and I can¡¯t help but get a little stir of internal heat at how it looks. Figures that his car would scream with as much sex appeal as he does ¡­ This garage is only used by the higher paid execs and has a full-time security post wandering around, gated entrance, and a hoard of CCTV cameras, making it feel like Fort Knox. I follow him as the car beeps in response to our approach, signaling it¡¯s unlocking. I walk to the passenger side as he touches the handle and lifts the car door up toward the sky to let me into the molded seats and high-tech interior. He then pushes the door down, concealing me behind the tinted windows before gliding round to the driver¡¯s side, getting in smoothly. This car just screams Jake, from every pore; something about its rxed coolness, sleek sportiness, and intimidating shape. He presses a button by the steering wheel, and it roars into life, sounding like an expensive jet ne, purring with vibrations as he hits the gas. The interior lights up from a disy in front of us, whirring and electrical noises from the rear as a tail fines up from the smooth sleek t back. It¡¯s hard not to feel a rush of excitement with this car. ¡°I like your car.¡± I smile his way, seriously impressed. It feels like I¡¯m sitting in a Form One dream machine and even though I¡¯ve never been interested in vehicles of any sort, I can¡¯t help but feel like this one is special. ¡°I like my car too.¡± He grins over to me like a boy with his favorite toy, all bad moods lifted at being re- united with it. He reverses out of the space, expertly in control of his beast and head outs of the underground park, waving to the men who lift the barrier to let us out. The tunnel exit is lit by ground lights guiding us to the outside traffic, giving it a sense of driving out of some concealed spaceship into the air above. The loudest, roaring machine I¡¯ve ever heard. I can sense the way we¡¯re sticking to the road as it moves effortlessly out into traffic. It just adds to the excitement of feeling like I¡¯m sitting next to Bruce Wayne. ¡°Why do you never drive it? I¡¯ve heard about it, but this is the first time I¡¯ve actually seen it?¡± I blink around in the dark interior, like the co-pilot in a private airne. ¡°I only got it back a couple of weeks ago, it¡¯s been away for months, having adjustments to my specs. I also had the color changed ¡­ it used to be bright orange.¡± He¡¯s keeping both eyes on the road, driving carefully as we hit traffic. The engine¡¯s louder than I expected in the open air and I can hear a whizzing wheeze of a turbo. This car is sex on wheels that makes my adrenaline rise with its vibrancy around me. ¡°ck is more your color.¡± I smile at him, awed by how good he looks sitting in the pilot seat of this monster, effortlessly taking control of something so powerful. He belongs in a car like this. ¡°So, is this the reason you learned to drive with Form One favorites?¡± I tease. ¡°So, you can drive your own ridiculously expensive car?¡± ¡°No. I bought the car after many years of lessons, and a lot of research ¡­ This baby is a car made for people who can actually drive.¡± He shes me his because I can grin, and I shake my head. His ego untainted by histest admission. ¡°Seems like a waste for the streets of New York.¡± ¡°I have it transported every so often to my family¡¯s home in Italy ¡­ They have amazing tracks over there to give this girl a run for her money.¡± He swells with pride, patting the dash, and smiles at the dark interior, stopping at a red light. The car drops into purring mode, reducing the noise greatly. ¡°Girl? Please tell me you haven¡¯t named her?¡± Iugh at him, but he looks my way with a shocked expression. ¡°That¡¯s sacrilege! Of course, you must name your baby. She¡¯s my girl!¡± He rubs the dash again and croons a little as though soothing an offended woman. ¡°She¡¯s called Miss. Anderson!¡± He winks at me with a grin, receiving a sigh and a shake of my head in return. ¡°Of course, she is!¡± I look out the window, away from his smile and cheeky expression. Ordinarily I would give anything to have the casual humor between us back, but this, normalcy, hurts. ¡°You doubt it? She¡¯s stubborn, fast paced, and fiery. Miss. Anderson made perfect sense.¡± He shoves my shoulder lightly with his fingertips as if to prove the point. I frown and shove him back with a haughty pout. ¡°Actually, now you mention it, seems like it should be called Jacob. It suits you.¡± I smile and look away triumphantly. ¡°Thin ice, Anderson!¡± He throws me a warning look steeped in humor. He despises his birth name with a passion, so, of course, I use it to tease him. ¡°Like I care. I spend my entire life walking on it when ites to you.¡± I stick my tongue out at him and he just pushes my face childishly, his palm squishing my nose for a second. I muffle a, ¡°Hey¡± and pull his hand from my face. ¡°Jerk.¡± ¡°Diva.¡± We smile at each other for a second, then tense, drop our hands, looking forward simultaneously out the windscreen as though suddenly realizing this isn¡¯t right anymore. Funny how we¡¯d forgotten for a moment, only toe crashing back to reality and then silence. Jake seems to mull over something before breaking the tension. ¡°How¡¯ve you been, Emma?¡± He nces back at me, then concentrates on the road, watching for the lights to change. I shrug awkwardly, heart rate elevating at the sudden seriousness in him. How can I be honest and tell him I¡¯ve been dying inside since he made me walk away? That this situation just highlights how much I miss him, and us. ¡°Okay, I guess.¡± I can¡¯t look at him. I can feel his eyes on me, then the car bursts into a roar again and we¡¯re moving. I don¡¯t think Jake has ever driven me home himself before, this feels too intimate somehow, just the two of us. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you,¡± he says, so honestly, I can¡¯t help but nce at him. His eyes on the road. His handsome profile showing no hints of emotion. Just honesty. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you too.¡± I sigh. Our eyes meet for a millisecond then we both look away, tension rises fast, cracking in the air. He tenses his jaw, looking as though he wants to say something but bites it back turning his eyes to the road. I can¡¯t say a word, I don¡¯t know what to say, conversation is harder than I imagined it ever would be, especially when all I want to do is crawl into hisp and be enveloped by every part of him. Chapter 104 Chapter 104 ¡°Do you like working with Wilma?¡± he finally asks, keeping his eyes steady, nothing in his voice betraying what he might be thinking and I sigh, somehow disappointed in his question but I don¡¯t know why.. ¡°I guess ¡­ It¡¯s not as challenging as working for you though ¡­ Feels more like a holiday.¡± I giggle as he tries to grab my leg impulsively, once again the atmosphere reverting to old, squeezing it in punishment. I bat his hand away realizing painfully we¡¯re forgetting ourselves again so easily. He straightens back up and shakes his head at me with a mock re, his features rxing as he sighs and smiles instead. That genuine non showy real one. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. I miss that smile. ¡°I missed that sound.¡± His revtion silences me, the ache inside grows bigger, and I try not to look directly at him. ¡°I missed your grumpy bad moods and overbearing demands.¡± I reply wittily, trying to shift the deep ache before it consumes me. ¡°I miss drunk Emma.¡± He retorts with a cheeky glint in his eye. I hate that he likes that version of me, a little jealousy seeps in and I react without thought. ¡°You would ¡­ You¡¯re a terrible influence on her.¡± Every word he says is making my heart heavier with longing. He has no idea how much he affects me or how hard this is sitting here with him. We¡¯re swerving through traffic and I can¡¯t help but be impressed with his ability to drive this car in the chaotic New York traffic. I¡¯m rxed, despite the lurches in my stomach every time he hits the gas. This car is immense, getting up to speed so quickly. He¡¯s quiet for a few moments, seemingly thinking, then turns to me with a serious expression once more. ¡°Gabrielle will be gone before the end of the week, Emma ¡­ I promise. He had no right toy a hand on you or say anything to you that made you ufortable.¡± The no nonsense tone and dead pan expression remove the traces of lightness from the atmosphere. ¡°I seem to attract it somehow,¡± I reply, quietly, catching his frown from the corner of my eye and he sighs heavily. ¡°Men want what they can never hope to have ¡­ You have no idea just how beautiful you are, and it¡¯s part of the allure ¡­ You¡¯re vulnerable and young, yet there¡¯s something so unbelievably sexy about you and you turn heads with zero effort. Men like that should be strung up ¡­ You deserve far more in life.¡± His words startle me, and I dart a look at him, catching my breath. ¡°You think that about me?¡± I squeak. He¡¯s never said anything like this before or told me anything about how I look to him. I always assumed men looked at me like an easy target, someone who longed to be abused. Just like I assumed Jake only ever saw me as his mildly attractive assistant and friend. ¡°You mean, do I think you¡¯re beautiful and sexy, yet vulnerable and innocent? Yes, I do¡± His eyes lock onto mine, my insides sizzling as my face heats with a blush. Oh my god. His words seduce me as much as he does. Is this a Carrero line? Is he being genuine? No one has ever told me anything like this before; all I see when I look in a mirror is the shadow of an awkward girl in the body of a cold, in woman. He pulls up to another set of lights, the car powering down to a gentle purr. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say.¡± I squirm in my seat, my face burning, and I¡¯m ovee with shyness. I let my hair fall forward, concealing me. I have absolutely no clue how to react to his confessions. ¡°You don¡¯t need to say anything ¡­ I¡¯m being honest. Looking like you do doesn¡¯t give men permission to behave the way they do ¡­ I can¡¯t exactly take the moral high ground, can I?¡± He sighs defeatedly. Our eyes meet quickly. I flush at the memory of him making love to me as it floods into my mind. I turn away quickly as emotion hits me hard in the stomach knowing that night will haunt me forever and continuously break my heart. Crap ¡­ Yes, he could. That night was consensual, and I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. I still want him! ¡°You¡¯re nothing like the rest of them,¡± I breathe morosely. ¡°I wish I felt like I wasn¡¯t,¡± he mumbles, barely audible, eyes forward like he¡¯s ashamed. I have no words. Does he really believe he forced me? Does he think he¡¯s done to me what other men have done and forced himself upon me? How can he think that? We kissed more than once, long before that night in the hotel, I kissed him back. I clung to him with a fever so hot it almost consumed me. ¡°I wanted it ¡­ Please don¡¯t ever say that again.¡± I utter softly,ying a hand on his leg without thinking about what¡¯s appropriate. Our eyes lock, heat building in the small confines of the car and tension sparks almost instantly. I want him to kiss me so badly, I can almost taste it. His lips part and his pupils dte. I want to throw myself across the car into him, my body responding insanely fast, shivers taking over. How the hell did this start? He snaps his head away, looking around, and throws the car into a right turn which shunts me in my seat. Luckily, I¡¯m restrained by my seat belt. He steers us down an alleyway into unlit darkness, then with a roar and a lurch forward, we m to a halt. He jumps out, leaving me bewildered and shocked as hees around and yanks open my door. Confused and dazed, I stare at him as he unclips my belt and hauls me from my seat, pushing me against the rear body of the car. He crushes his mouth into mine, knocking the wind out of me with the sheer unexpectedness of it. My handse up to wrap around his neck instinctively as his fingers tangle in my hair, and his other hand swings around my back to haul us together. My ass grinds against the cold metal as his body pushes hard into mine, kissing me with fevered abandon. We groan in unison. Our tongues meet and our mouths mold perfectly, in rhythm. Effortlessly matched movements, that ignite my fire. I love kissing him, he makes it feel like the easiest thing in the world and all thoughts of what we¡¯re doing fly off in abandonment. This is what I have longed for. His hands release me,ing down under my butt to cup my upper thighs. He hoists me up as my legs open to move around his waist, my skirt seam rips up the back violently to allow for extra movement and I gasp against his lips. My body is slid up the sleek hood of the car to rest on top of it, our heads at the same height for once. My inner body spiraling out of control, heated, and sizzling inside, my heart pounding erratically, almost jumping through my chest as I self-implode with desire. His kiss deepens passionately, our tongues caress erotically and there it is, kissing like we¡¯ve always been made to do it. Hot and fire fueled, consumed only with how it feels. I want to fall into this and never wake up. I want to be devoured by him endlessly. This is everything I¡¯ve needed to heal my heart, all the pain melting away, reced with hunger and a sense ofpletion as I cling to him desperately, sliding my arms around his neck. I am hauled hard against his growing desire in his pants, and it makes me burn inside. My body clenching with heat as his hands squeeze my butt. He pulls me into his groin fully. I need him. I want this more than anything I¡¯ve ever wanted in my life. My hand trails down his front, skirting his carved abdomen shamelessly to pull his shirt up so I can feel his naked, taut skin. My fingers crawl under the thin material greedily, along the tickle of hair, down toward his waist band and throbbing muscle. He groans, pushing against me firmly as one hand slides up my inner thigh until his thumbes to thece edge of my panties. I thrust my pelvis forward, aching for him to keep going as his thumb traces over the outside of the material, over my femininity, sending tingles and waves of pleasure through me. God ¡­ I groan in ecstasy. Peeling me off the car, picking me up, he walks with my body wrapped around him fiercely, mouths still connected. The cool air around my underwear and my naked legs, one of my shoes falls off, hitting the ground with a tter but I don¡¯t care. His mouth pleasures mine as he maneuvers me then sits me on hard sloping metal, tipping me back toy down as he scoops forward on top of me, his mouth moving to my neck. Warm breath causes a million sensations to flow through me as I grapple my arms out to stop myself sliding down, realizing I¡¯m on the hood of his car, sheaved in darkness under the edge of a fire escape. His groines to meet mine, stopping me from falling further, and pushes against me for a moment, a hard thrust as we collide. Dizzying lust soars through me before his hand finds me again. I push my fingers into his hair, arching my body up to him hungrily, with one swift tug he rips myce underwear off, leaving a burning sensual pain across my skin that drives me crazy. I squeak in surprise, moaning as his hand moves back to tease me into submission, exploring my warm depths deliciously, tracing me out. I writhe around under his expert touch, savoring the weight of his body over me. His hand explores me, teases, and stimtes my body and I¡¯m more than ready to lose all control, surrendering to him. I¡¯m soaring, my heart is lifting at his attention, my emotions reeling with mounting happiness as he slides his fingers across the slick depths of me and I gasp at the contact. Suddenly, his attention snaps up, unexpectedly, leaving us both breathing heavily, he stops and pulls his fingers away. His eyes focus on mine and his expression changes, from heavy and fiery lust to sudden ice-cold nkness. He pulls my hands from what they¡¯re doing to him, feeling his erection out, grabs my wrists and harshly pins them to the car by my head. His expression is so angry suddenly, and his re is so frosty, it makes me catch my breath, cooling my body as though he¡¯s thrown me in ice. ¡°This is why I made you leave, Emma ¡­ This shit that I do to you! This shit we do to each other!¡± He rasps then lets me go, pulling away so I slip down unexpectedly on the smooth surface with a squeal. He catches me and slides me to my feet, almost aggressively. Missing one stiletto, I stumble against him and grab his arms for support somehow angering him. He picks me up like a child and marches me around the car, wordlessly, depositing me into my seat harshly. He retrieves my shoe and hands it to me before mming the door shut, almost in my face. Chapter 105 Chapter 105 I don¡¯t know what to say. I¡¯mpletely dumbstruck into silence. I want to rewind to seconds ago when his mouth was on me and his fingers sliding inside of me when I didn¡¯t want him to stop. I¡¯m reeling with confusion, stung by his instant rage and close to tears. My heartache returning with a passion as he walks off from the car into darkness for a few minutes. I can barely make out his powerful figure as he paces back and forth. He seems to be really pissed off, trying to regain some control, arguing with himself. If it weren¡¯t so traumatic it would be kind of funny to watch. I try to pull in my thoughts, hauling my skirt around me a little, trying to conceal as much nakedness as I can before he returns. He spins toward the car, and stalks back with a re of sheer fury as he ms into his seat with a closed off expression on his face. He doesn¡¯t look at me, just throws us into reverse at speed, causing me to shoot forward. His hand darts out, grabs me and stops my collision with the dash. ¡°Put your fucking belt on!¡± he barks, angrily. Almost like he¡¯s pped me in the face, and I remove his hand from my waist and scramble to pull my belt over, harnessing myself in obediently. I can¡¯t speak ¡­ On the verge of breaking down because I have no idea what I¡¯ve done wrong and I be a jumble of shaking nerves. What the hell happened? N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. He flicks on the stereo with a push of a button and music res around us. Nickelback¡¯s ¡®Rockstar¡¯ is mid-chorus, loud and invading, drowning out the ability to talk. He¡¯s making it very clear he has no intention of talking anymore. His focus is on the road as he reverses out into a clearing, a little more gently this time, but his face is a picture of rage. He gets us back on route, jaw tight and frowning. I can see the darkness in his eyes, even from this angle, and know he¡¯s in another shitty mood, clearly in psycho mode. He¡¯s driving a little more aggressively, just like he did on the way back to the boat when we went away on holiday. Even that nightmare ended with me not seeing him for over a week. I don¡¯t feel quite so rxed anymore as he makes full use of the car¡¯s responsive eleration. I know a severely pissed Carrero when I see it, but I don¡¯t understand why. I slide down in my seat, trying to look out the window away from him. My heart pounding through my chest manically, so afraid to even look his way. I have so much I want to say to him, but this reaction, and the way he¡¯s acting has killed the words on my lips. I want to cry and get as far away from him as possible, so I can sob this night away. I maneuver my skirt around my waist, so the split is up the outer side on my thigh, at least I¡¯ll be able to hold it together when I make my exit and only expose my leg instead of ass. I catch him ncing at me, his expression harsh. He clenches his teeth, making his jaw move in agitation and looks away again quickly almost spearing my heart with the ferocity of his re. The rest of the journey is tense and conversation free as loud music res around us, adding to the heightened fragile atmosphere. * * * When we finally pull up to my building, he gets out, andes around to let me out of the car. Yanking the door upwards, he stands back, keeping his distance as I mber out, ungracefully holding my skirt with one hand and gripping the doorframe with the other. We avoid looking at one another, the icy air between us sending out chills. I long for him to say something ¡­ anything. But he doesn¡¯t. He just closes the door behind me and walks off, getting back into his beast, pulling away, and leaving me standing on the curb. The sound of his tires immediately screeching on the road adds another slice to my already shed heart. One more Jake scar for the collection. Sarah looks me up and down in confusion and worried rm, questions held on her lips, yet she says nothing. She¡¯s waiting for me to exin, watching my expression earnestly. I¡¯m holding my skirt together with one hand at my thigh but it¡¯s not doing much to conceal my naked leg, she can probably see myck of panties too. I shake my head, sighing, my face pleading with her, as though begging, ¡®Please don¡¯t say a word¡¯ and I walk past her. She moves aside, her mouth agog but thankfully, she leaves me alone to let me walk to my room to shut her out. I strip, quickly pulling on sweats and a loose T-shirt before sinking down onto my bed, letting loose the scrambled thoughts in my brain. I groan inwardly. Dampening the agony. My aching heart is solidly back in ce and I run a hand over my eyes and rub harshly, smudging my make-up. What the hell did we do? Again? I¡¯m more confused now than ever before. I thought Jake sending me away had been so final. It told me he wanted me out of his life, that he wasn¡¯t into me at all. Yet look what just happened. I didn¡¯t initiate any of it this time, he did. But he also ended it just as abruptly. He even said doing those things to me were why he sent me away in the first ce. Jake will never want what I want. He¡¯s not looking for a girlfriend, especially not one like me. Yet, somehow, I seem to have had as much of an effect on him as he did on me. I want to cry but there¡¯s a tiny glint of hope inside of me, not just from thest few minutes together but about the entire day. The events leading up to his kiss, his touch. He was going to have Dan Gabrielle fired. He¡¯d already warned Ray off, then he forbade me to leave New York; almost pleading with me not to go. If I think logically, he¡¯s acting like a man with some deep feelings for me. But, if I listen to my heart, it¡¯s telling me I know Jake¡¯s way better than that. He¡¯s always been protective of me. He cares because I¡¯m his friend, he¡¯s a good man who defends any woman¡¯s right to be respected, more than any man I¡¯ve ever known. It only makes him even more appealing. But kissing me? Almost having me on his car? And then, there¡¯s Marissa. Something neither of us broached. Marissa and his unborn child. There¡¯s no way I could ever forget her presence in his life. A gentle knock on my door interrupts my train of thought and Sarahes inside, shyly bearing two mugs of cocoa. She slides them down on the bedside table and climbs on the bed beside me, lying down, mirroring my pose across the quilt. ¡°What happened to your skirt?¡± she asks, reaching down to the floor to try to grab it. She untangles it and holds it high, smirking in admiration. ¡°Jake happened.¡± I shrug. We¡¯vee so far in our rtionshiptely; we no longer have secrets. I¡¯ve learned how tomunicate with her a little better and enjoy having someone to confide in nowadays, about Jake anyway. ¡°Wow! ¡­ As in ¡­ You had sex?¡± She turns to gaze at me. ¡°Ripped skirt says sex to you?¡± I blink back tly. ¡°Theck of panties under ripped skirt says sex to me.¡± She grins but her smile falters when she catches my dark expression and shaking head. ¡°Well, if you call getting me to the point of almost screwing me on his car bo, then walking away, and dumping me out front without a goodbye, sex then ¡­¡± the tears bite at my eyes but I don¡¯t allow myself to cave. I¡¯m so tired of crying these past weeks. No wonder I¡¯m confused. ¡°¡­Wait ¡­ He did what?¡± She turns to stare at me, her eyes boring into my profile with as much confusion as I have. ¡°I don¡¯t even know. It¡¯s been a long day, so much has happened, and it sort of led to being dragged out of his car for a heated make out session that he ended ¡­ And now he¡¯s pissed at me for something he started.¡± I raise my hands in agitation, voice pitched. ¡°He drives me crazy.¡± ¡°Holy hell ¡­ I thought you didn¡¯t even see him anymore ¡­ You left for work in a funk ande home half dressed ¡­ How the hell did you get from there to ¡­ Well, here? In a day!¡± She grins at me, but I shake my head again, more confused than even her. ¡°I don¡¯t even know, Sarah ¡­ I don¡¯t know what to think anymore ¡­ I ran into him in the elevator, then things just seemed to escte from there. I saw him twice after that and he brought me home ¡­ The kiss happened on the way here.¡± My eyes drop to the satin bed spread and I fumble with the surface threads, my mind a chaotic mess. ¡°Did he say anything?¡± She narrows her eyes, studying my face. She¡¯s been trying to analyze everything ¡°Jake¡± since he sent me away a month ago. ¡°You know about making out with you, then stopping it?¡± I shake my head and take deep heavy breaths, trying to stop the thundering of my heart. Calm the trembling of my body as the shock finally dies away and the pain starts. Chapter 106 Chapter 106 ¡°Maybe you should call him then ¡­ He owes you an exnation, Emma ¡­ You can¡¯t just keep second guessing him all the time.¡± She picks up my phone andys it on my chest, but I don¡¯t move. Thest thing I want to do is call him. He¡¯ll be driving back to Manhattan anyway, back to his apartment, miles away from me. He wouldn¡¯t pick up. ¡°Can we drop this?¡± I sit up so the phone slides down my body andnds on the bed. She sighs and flops back beside me, t so her head is nestled in my cushions. Thinking for a moment, she sits up and takes my hand. ¡°You know what the biggest problem with you two is?¡± Sarah blinks at me but I just re at her and offer no response. ¡°You don¡¯tmunicate with one another when ites to feelings. You¡¯re as bad as each other. Neither of you seem capable of justing out with it and putting your heart on the line. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s as immune to you as you believe. I think he¡¯s scared, and so are you, and if this continues then neither of you will get anywhere.¡± Sarah crosses her arms triumphantly and sits back. ¡°You finished?¡± I slide my legs out from under me to make myself a little morefortable. ¡°I know you think you have this figured out, but remember, I know him. I know what he is. Jake likes uplicated and he knows we¡¯re exactly the opposite of that.¡± I raise my hand as Sarah goes to say more. I don¡¯t want to listen to it. Every time I talk or hear a single word about Jake it just makes me more depressed and anxious. I don¡¯t want to analyze it anymore. I just want to drop it. She narrows her brows at me then changes tact, her face turning coy. I can almost see her drop the subject mentally. She wavers for a moment, then something else sparks in her face. ¡°Your mom called me.¡± Her tone is gentle, but I still stiffen as though she¡¯s pped me hard. She really chooses the most epic of topics! ¡°Did she now?¡± I bite back emotion through gritted teeth. I certainly don¡¯t need this line of conversation either. ¡°She asked if you¡¯d calmed down yet ¡­ Told me you¡¯dunched a bowl of food at her head ¡­ I did wonder where half the crockery had gone.¡± She pushes some of my loose hair behind my ear, watching me closely. My face betrays the fact that I don¡¯t want to talk about it. ¡°Anything you want to let out?¡± She smiles at me encouragingly, but I shake my head and pull myself free to retrieve the mugs. I hand her one and avoid eye contact. ¡°When ites to her, I think it¡¯s safe to say, our story has ended ¡­ There¡¯s nothing more for us to say to one another.¡± As much as it hurts me to say it, I know it¡¯s true. My mother and I have reached an impasse, a road in our lives where too much has gone on to ever be set right. She chose her bed many times and now she must lie in it. I¡¯m done being dragged back, time and time again, to a ce that causes me pain. If Jake taught me anything it was that I deserve more from her. I didn¡¯t deserve the men she dragged into my life. He showed me that what those men repeatedly did wasn¡¯t my fault. It was hers for not protecting me. The thought causes a tear to run down my cheek. ¡°Are you okay, Ems?¡± Sarah¡¯s handes to my shoulder in gentleforting affection. I close my eyes swallowing the tears down, empty and defeated with all of it. ¡°I¡¯m just really tired, Sarah ¡­ It¡¯s been one hell of a couple of days. I think I just need some sleep.¡± I turn and give her a weak smile. Relieved when she takes the hint and gets up to leave me be; she knows there¡¯s still a huge part of old Emma in me, the one who sometimes needs space to be alone. ¡°I¡¯ll let you get some shut eye ¡­ Marcus is workingte so I won¡¯t be going to bed until he¡¯s home ¡­ If you want me, I¡¯ll be in the lounge with my old friend Netflix.¡± She grins back at me, blowing a kiss, shutting my door behind her. Leaving me alone with my thoughts. I should eat, but I have no appetite. Instead I pull out my oversized Joey bear. I never found the heart to throw this gift away from Jake. I curl up on my bed into its huge furry belly, sliding the mug of cocoa, untouched, back to the side table. I just want to sleep today away and forget it ever happened. * * * This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. I¡¯m half asleep when I get to work the next day. I tossed and turned most of the night, seeing every hour on the clock despite my exhaustion. Anytime I dozed off, Jake gued my dreams, the memory of his mouth on mine, the feel of his arms around me. Torturing me over and over. My mother crept in there too, haunting the depths of my mind with a ghost like face, her arms outstretched trying to pull me back into the darkness. Jake¡¯s arms solidly folded around me, pulling me back with him into the sunshine. The irony of the dream isn¡¯t lost on me. Wilma hands me an envelope as soon as she arrives, sliding it onto my desk with a smile that makes me stop what I¡¯m typing and look up questioningly ¡°Margo asked me to pass this on.¡± She grins, walking off toward her desk, looking almost smug. I rip open the envelope and pull out the letter, opening the folded cream paper as a ticket slides out and I scan the note Dearest Emma, this was bought quite a while back and as it¡¯s a named guest list, only you can use this. Jake insisted I send it to you. I hope you do go and have some fun! See you there. Xx Margo The ticket has my name, plus guest, printed neatly on it, in gold foil. It¡¯s the Marie Curie charity ball in Manhattan tomorrow night. I was the one to get Jake these tickets for his entire staff on the sixty-fifth, a goodwill gesture from Jake, as each ticket raised funds for the event. I groan inwardly knowing if I don¡¯t go then Jake¡¯s wasted hundreds of dors on my ticket, but if I do go, then he¡¯ll be there and so will half the people I worked with. Do I go? Can I see him again so soon? If I do, then who do I take with me? How can I face him after last night? As his PA, we decided to go together. No dates required, but that was then, at a time when he seemed to be going off his endless casual dates and was happy to have me escort him everywhere. Who am I kidding? I only have Sarah to ask and I already know she has shifts tomorrow night. Apart from her, there is no one else I feelfortable asking and I¡¯d never ask a date. I sigh, heavily, sliding the envelope and its contents into my bag. Thankfully, the days of working for Jake have left me with a wardrobe full of expensive clothes, I¡¯ll have no problem finding a suitable dress if I do go alone. I check the time, it¡¯s only mid-morning so I submerge myself in the details of the Carrero Corporation anniversary event. The one-hundred-year celebration of the Carrero empire. Today¡¯s job is dealing with an array of mind-numbing details; liaising with the event designer over napkins and such while Wilma has a week of press releases to get through. Somehow, in the brief time I¡¯ve been here, she¡¯s designated me as her own PA rather than just another member of staff. It¡¯s given me a little pride knowing I haven¡¯t lost my skills after all and my confidence is slowly ebbing its way back to me. My phone rings just before lunch and I pick it up, in my usual cheery tone. ¡°Hi, Emma, it¡¯s Rosalie ¡­ From Mr. Carrero¡¯s office.¡± She sounds sheepish. I guess she¡¯s wary after Jake¡¯s little angry appearance down here yesterday. I¡¯m a tad sorry for her because I know only too well what he can be like and she was never one to deal well with him directly, always seemingly intimidated by him if I¡¯m honest. ¡°Yes, Rosalie, how can I help you?¡± I keep my tone friendly; I won¡¯t mention yesterday. I have no intention of making her feel ufortable ory me, I¡¯m over it. ¡°Mr. Carrero has asked that youe up to see him, immediately to discuss a matter, he was dealing with this morning ¡­ He says on your behalf.¡± She hesitates, trying not to say too much on the phone. We all know that most of the calls inhouse are monitored and she probably has ears listening in, nearby. ¡°Right now?¡± I ask. It¡¯s so like him to expect me to drop everything ande running when he clicks his fingers. Has he forgotten that he dumped me on the pavementst night, without a backward nce? ¡°Umm yes ¡­ He did say ¡­ Immediately.¡± She gulps. I get the impression he¡¯s either close by in the office or has his door open and can possibly hear her. If he knows I¡¯m arguing against him then he¡¯ll no doubt take his mood out on her, so I sigh in defeat. ¡°Okay ¡­ I¡¯m on my way ¡­ Goodbye, Rosalie.¡± I ce the receiver on the cradle then send Wilma an internal message that I¡¯ve been summoned to the sixty-fifth for a minute and walk out. She¡¯s engrossed in a call, but she reaches over to herptop as I pass her window. Upon reading what I presume is my message she turns and waves at me with a smile, in confirmed approval of me leaving the office. Chapter 107 Chapter 107 ¡°Rosalie.¡± I smile, graciously, as I arrive. I don¡¯t wait for her to announce my presence to Jake, his door is sitting half open, so I walk straight in. He¡¯s typing on hisptop, eyes narrowed in concentration. The sight of him jars me as he¡¯s sat in a pale blue shirt, open, as usual at the cor, sleeves rolled up. He looks too divine for words and I can almost forget how pissed at him I am for a second. His dark hair is freshly trimmed and styled. He looks like a model for businessman of the year and I still my beating heart and clear my throat to catch his attention. ¡°Sit. Emma.¡± He thrusts a thumb to the chair which always sits at the side of his desk, without looking up. Hmmm. Like father like son! ¡°You¡¯d better shut the door too.¡± He adds as I go to move forward. I sigh loudly, then turn and shut the door. I should be acting grateful instead of irritated because I know he¡¯s calling me here to talk about Dan Gabrielle but what happened between me and himst night, has left me feeling raw and irritated. I¡¯m hurt. The look on his face doesn¡¯t bode well, maybe he wasn¡¯t able to fire him after all. I walk around his desk and slide into the seat closest to him. It reminds me of the many times I¡¯ve sat here before, wasting time, chatting to my ex-boss, andughing until my sides ached, and now here we are, like strangers. I miss ¡°Funny Jake¡±. I miss all those moments. As I sit, I catch his eyes running over my exposed legs under my skirt, then he shifts in his chair as though he¡¯s suddenly extremely ufortable. He shuts hisptop and swivels his seat to face me. His expression grim. ¡°So, this morning I sat in a board room with half of legal, three from HR and Margo, negotiating Gabriel¡¯s early retirement ¡­ He epted the severance ¡­ He¡¯s gone.¡± His tone is almost nasty, his fire filled green eyes are narrowed and he doesn¡¯t sound happy at all. ¡°You¡¯re mad about that?¡± I feel instantly guilty, wary of his unusual mood and fully aware this is my fault. Has he changed his mind about sacking Gabriel after all? Maybe he thinks I overreactedst night? ¡°No, Emma. I¡¯m mad that the son of a bitch got paid off to leave. That I couldn¡¯t just outright fire him¡­ Legal was all over my ass and brokered a deal because they didn¡¯t want a messy sexual harassment case¡­ Bad for business.¡± He snarls through gritted teeth, turning back to his desk and clenching fists on either side of hisptop. ¡°I see.¡± I sound small and childlike. I should¡¯ve known this could happen seeing as Sexual harassment is still taboo in this crazy world of high-profile business and men in suits. ¡°I did some digging, hisst four assistants left quickly. I managed to contact three of them and they¡¯ve agreed toe forward about his advances on them too ¡­ He¡¯s a snake ¡­ You weren¡¯t the only one.¡± Jake growls at his fists and the air thins around us. ¡°If he¡¯s going then why are you pursuing it?¡± agitation lifts to my shoulders, making me tense and I sigh. He has no idea how hard it is for me to sit here with him, clearly avoiding all talk ofst night and acting like nothing happened. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. ¡°Because making him take an early retirement and a huge sum of money is not dealing with it ¡­ I¡¯m pissed ¡­ I want his ass raked over coals and I¡¯ll make sure he gets what he deserves and what he deserves isn¡¯t my money!¡± He ms his palms on the table so that I flinch with the thwap sound. ¡°Why are you taking this so personally? You just saved a lot of future assistants from being groped, regardless.¡± I snap, nervy with his aggression and not in the mood for his Carrero temper today. I¡¯m uneasy as hell and this is not where I want to be. ¡°Because it is fucking personal!¡± He snaps back, rising to stand and stalking past me to his drink cab. ¡°Heid his hands on you!¡± He tters decanters, indicating just how angry he is, and I take a steadying breath. My heart aching but this time not in pain. Why does he always have to say things like this? Making me hope that there¡¯s more to us than this weird toing and froing thing we do. Hees over and thrusts a ss in my hand, returning to his seat with his own and I look down at the amber liquid. I can smell it from here, the strong stench of brandy. I hesitate but take a sip of the burning liquid, coughing and cing it on his desk instead. His temper seems to dissipate slightly as he slugs it back and slides his ss next to mine. ¡°What happens now?¡± I eye him warily as he turns to gaze out on the skyline, every muscle in his body taut while emitting fierce energy. ¡°I told you ¡­ He¡¯s gone ¡­ As far as you¡¯re concerned, it¡¯s done. No one knows anything about you ¡­ I made sure of that.¡± It¡¯s low and snappy. ¡°So, I guess ¡­ Thank you, Jake.¡± I smile softly as he turns to look at me and I try so hard to seem amicable and genuinely thankful. I really do mean, thank you ¡­ He¡¯s no idea what he¡¯s done for me. He sighs heavily, his body rxing slightly, and he turns to me and watches me closely. His brows furrow, and his gaze intensifies on mine. ¡°Look, Emma ¡­ Aboutst night? I¡¯m sorry I acted like such an asshole.¡± Okay, that now. Great! At least he sounds sorry. I¡¯m taken aback by this revtion. I never thought he¡¯d ever mentionst night again, especially with the way he was acting a moment ago. I nce away, embarrassment enveloping my face knowing it wasn¡¯t all one-sided, yet I still feel shameful. ¡°You confuse me,¡± I mutter quietly, keeping my gaze on the art on the far wall, unable to make eye contact while this subject lingers in the air. I can see him from the corner of my eye, he leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his legs. He rubs his palms together slowly and then rubs his face. ¡°I know ¡­ Which is why I need to say this.¡± He slides up as I turn to look at him, his eyes boring into mine heavily. ¡°You and I ¡­ We don¡¯t work ¡­ Not as friends, not as boss and PA ¡­ Not as anything ¡­¡± He sets his gaze on the New York skyline outside over my shoulder, breaking the spell, he has over this situation, ¡°I think it¡¯s best if we both try to keep our distance and keep things civil ¡­ I¡¯ll back off over this Europe job, Emma. Maybe it¡¯s a great idea. If you want, I can make some calls? Ensure that you get the position?¡± His voice is low and husky with no hint of emotion and it¡¯s like being shot. My throat constricts painfully, it feels like he¡¯s thrust a knife into my heart and I¡¯m bleeding to death. I can¡¯t swallow, or move, my hands are frozen on myp, my breathing stills. He has no idea of the impact his sentence has on me. In one fell swoop he¡¯s broken my heart all over again and maimed me. I can¡¯t stay here and wait for anymore. ¡°Don¡¯t bother,¡± I snap icily, rising from my chair, scolded by what he¡¯s said. ¡°I don¡¯t need you to do anything else for me.¡± My pain fuels my need to leave and my hostility. I go to storm away but he¡¯s on his feet fast and catches my arm roughly. ¡°What? So now I¡¯ve pissed you off? I thought running to Europe was what you wanted?¡± he yells at me, pulling me toward him angrily so I stumble and try to wrestle myself free of his hold. ¡°You¡¯ve no fucking idea what I want,¡± I yell, yanking my arm free. Enraged by the pain he¡¯s causing me, infuriated by his never-ending need to manhandle me. ¡°You know what? You¡¯re right! I¡¯ve never fucking known! You¡¯re like a goddamn enigma to me. Anytime I think I get even remotely close to figuring you out, you turn on me like this. Screw you ¡­ I¡¯m done with this shit between us. Go find a job elsewhere. I¡¯ll dissolve your contract so you¡¯re free to fuck off anywhere you please.¡± He barks, letting my arm go and raising his palms in agitation. ¡°Fine! Maybe you should! Maybe I will! It¡¯s obvious you feel like you have some weird obligation toward me ¡­ I¡¯d be better long gone, out of your life and yourpany!¡± I spit, and this time sessfully storm off, mming his door in grand fashion, behind me in hellish fury. Then jump six feet in the air as a loud smashing soundes from inside his office. He¡¯s obviously hurled his ss at the wall, or the door. I¡¯m seething, spitting nails as I storm back to my own floor, giving cial res to anyone foolish enough to nce at me. Caught up with an argument inside my own head in which I hurl every goddamn thing at him which pisses me off. My blood is pumping at an rming rate, but I know the second the rage calms down I¡¯m going to crumble. When I get to my desk, I thrust my drawers open and begin mming things on top. I¡¯ll leave right bloody now. I¡¯ll show him. I won¡¯t even wait for another job. I¡¯ll just go and be done with this crap. I lose my resolve and slump into my seat dejectedly. Energy wavering and temper fast dissolving away as I fight to hold back the tears that are now overwhelming me as my heartache mbers out on top. Why does he do this to me? He knows how to wound me, and the worst thing is, I don¡¯t even think he knows he does it. I hate him so much but ¡­ I love him. More than anything in the world. I¡¯m so done feeling like this. I¡¯m so done with hurting at his hands. ¡°Emma? Darling, are you okay?¡± Wilma¡¯s concerned tone breaks into my train of thought and I realize she¡¯s standing almost in front of me. The scattered contents of my drawers strewn across the desk and some on the floor. I look up at her tiredly. Jake saps all the life from me and I exim breathlessly with a broken tone. ¡°Men!¡± I mumble, instantly mortified as a fresh bout of tears pour down my face, shocking both of us. Chapter 108 Chapter 108 ¡°Feeling any better?¡± Wilma¡¯s arm is around my shoulder. Her soft voice is in my ear as she rubs my back in her office. I had a full-blown emotional break down and did something I never ever imagined PA Emma would ever do. I told her everything about Jake, and how I really feel about him in a fit of blubbering sobs. Things I haven¡¯t even told Sarah. I me the maternal pull Wilma has over me and the darn gentle look she manages to throw my way at every opportunity. I¡¯m using an almost empty packet of scrunched up Kleenex to mop up my mess of a face, sniffing down thest dregs of my self- esteem. She sat and listened, and nodded, and some of the time, I saw that knowing look in her eye and assumed Margo had told her the odd tidbit of my sorrowful tale. She listened quietly, her gentle touch on me the whole time, letting me get it all out. She seems unsurprised to know I had sex with Jake. But then I guess most of New York¡¯s single women had. His headboard¡¯s probably run out of space to keep tally years ago. It¡¯s not exactly a small or hard list to get on. ¡°A little.¡± I sniff, using the new tissues she¡¯s given me to blow my nose again. I¡¯m aplete mess. ¡°Sounds to me like you two have got it really bad, yet neither of you has the ability to admit it to each other.¡± She smiles knowingly, but I shake my head. She doesn¡¯t know Jake the way I do. She has this so wrong in so many ways. Yes, I¡¯ve got it bad ¡­ Jake just ¡­ I don¡¯t even know anymore, he¡¯s just Jake. It¡¯s all sex with him. ¡°You sound like my roommate; she said the same. Jake¡¯splicated. He doesn¡¯t feel the same way ¡­ He pretty much told me to leave and go to Europe.¡± I smile tightly, hurt. She¡¯s no idea how much of a roller-coaster ride Casanova Carrero is. I take sce from her stroking my back, it¡¯s motherly and nice. My mother never did this for me, ever. Not even as a small child. I¡¯ve never had a maternal figure in my life, not really. No one soothed my tears or hugged me back then. My mother was all about her pain, her drama. I was the one who smoothed back her hair and wiped her tears. ¡°I want you to go home, Emma, for the rest of the week ¡­ You need some space to really digest everything. What you¡¯ve told me is so much in such a small amount of time. Take some R and R. Don¡¯t come in until Monday. You¡¯re due some holidays anyway, so you won¡¯t lose any pay.¡± She pats my back and smiles softly but there is amanding tone to her hint. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­¡± I begin to protest but she catches my hand and squeezes it tightly. ¡°This isn¡¯t a suggestion, Emma ¡­ I need you sharp and focused. This is for my benefit as much as yours, sweetie. You also need time to figure out if your future is in thispany or in Europe.¡± She gives me a full body squeeze before standing up and walking to her desk from the couch where we are perched. She pours me a ss of water and brings it back to me, sitting down once more. ¡°Go to the dance tomorrow night. I¡¯ll see you there. And, if you still feel like you don¡¯t need time off, then we¡¯ll talk.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I move uneasily. Jake will be there, probably with a date. How can I even contemte going after what¡¯s happened? I¡¯m so done with this roller-coaster. ¡°You need a good night off, a pretty dress, and a lot of alcohol. Take a friend, have a st, kick back, and set these gorgeous waves free.¡± She picks up a strand of my hair and pushes it behind my ear. It seems everyone has the urge to tame my wild hair nowadays. Maybe I should grow it back out and return it to ¡°sleek poised Emma mode¡± since my life seemed to start unraveling not long after I cut it all off. Chapter 109 Chapter 109 I walk into the empty apartment two hourster, dump my bag on the table and survey the room. I don¡¯t even want to be here, I should be at work organizing, instead ofing home to sob into my pillow. I need to get a grip of my life. Wilma is right and all of this has been non-stop, yet all I¡¯ve done is bury my head in the sand and pushed myself to go to work, never taking the time to absorb it all. I need time to think. Real time to myself, to figure out what I¡¯m going to do. Do I want to work in Europe? No ¡­ I don¡¯t want to leave New York. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. Do I want to leave Carrero House? No. I love working there, it¡¯s familiar and stable. Plus, I adore Wilma, Margo, and even Rosalie. I would miss the people I see every day even though we don¡¯t interact much. I couldn¡¯t leave Sarah. I mean, I know she has Marcus andtely, I¡¯m starting to warm to him a little. I evenughed at a joke he made a few days ago, but still ¡­ She¡¯s my best friend. But, on the other hand, things aren¡¯t going anywhere. I feel like every time I see any light at the end of the tunnel, Jake appears and cks it out. He¡¯s all I can see; all I can focus on and it¡¯s driving me slowly insane. How did we get here? He used to be my everything, my friend, my protector, my lifeline ¡­ and now he¡¯s the cause of everything that¡¯s wrong with me. It feels like we¡¯ve been apart for months, but the reality is, it¡¯s only been weeks, just a month. Dragging days and sleepless nights have caused time to stand still and I need to get over him, yet I haven¡¯t even begun. Pulling on jogging clothes I decide to go for a run. It¡¯s mid-afternoon in Queens and the sun is out, kids ying in the street. It¡¯s gettingte in the season so it¡¯s unexpectedly warm for the time of year. Christmas will be here soon and that¡¯s going to be an ordeal and a half as I know my mother wanted to come here this year for some reason. Obviously, I don¡¯t want her to. I¡¯ve invited Sophie on Christmas Eve to spend some time with her, and thest thing I need is my mother anywhere near her or me. God, I miss that girl. She¡¯s been emailing me religiously. She seems to be doing well in her new home and in such a short time she¡¯s settled so well. She can¡¯t believe how blessed she is, getting used to a wealthy family and all the perks that go with her new lifestyle. I pound my feet into the pavement, working up a sweat and it feels good. I¡¯ve missed running even though I only seemed to do it when I was staying in hotels with Jake. It had be part of the ritual of our life. Since I¡¯vee home my running shoes have red at me angrily from the corner asking why I¡¯m neglecting them, but not anymore. I¡¯m going to start doing this every day again as it helped before, helped me get my emotions in check, helped me work through my internal dialogue. I¡¯m sweating like crazy, working over everything, emotionally, mentally, and physically, but I push on. I¡¯ll go to that dance tomorrow night. Show everyone who I am, who I used to be. I don¡¯t need a date at all. I¡¯m PA Emma and I was always happy to stand alone with my chin held high. There will be plenty of people I know there. All the staff from sixty-fifth, Margo, Wilma, Rosalie, Le. I miss Le. Jake¡¯s childhood friend and my ally when he took me on his family boat for a week. Her emails are less frequent than Sophie¡¯s, but we¡¯ve stayed in contact and I know her family are all going to attend this event. Sophie sadly won¡¯t be, it¡¯s adults only. I need this, I need a social outing where people I know and like will be present. Wilma¡¯s right, lots of alcohol and dancing with Le is just what I need. Jake can stay the hell away from me. Since it¡¯s what he said, right? We should avoid one another ¡­ Well, Carrero, you¡¯re the one who sent me the goddamn tickets. I wonder if Marissa will be there and my stomach lurches in agony; up until now I¡¯ve done well to ignore that little issue. It pains me in so many ways to know that she and Jake hooked up and could potentially be together again. It kills me to know she¡¯s carrying his child, whether he wants it or not. I wish I could see inside his head and really know how he feels about her, and the baby, gain some insight. She¡¯s the one person in the world I hate as much as Ray Vanquis. I can¡¯t see what her appeal is, I mean Jake and Marissa are so unmatched. I¡¯ve never understood how he could fall in love with her, even as a teen. She¡¯s so vain and self-centered, cold, and domineering in so many ways. Her poor child will have one loving parent, at least, one rock to rely on. And, as much as it hurts me, so much more than I¡¯m capable of enduring, I know Jake will be a good father. * * * I hit the shower on my return and eat with Sarah and Marcus quietly. It¡¯ste and they have no clue that I¡¯ve been home for hours. Conversation is light. I watch them and for the first time I see it, the compatibility, thepanionship between them. Despite still thinking he¡¯s a smarmy creep, I can see the genuine affection he has for Sarah and it humbles yet pains me. I want this with Jake, so badly. We had something close once, but we let this mess and sex get in the way and we destroyed everything. I destroyed everything so I only have myself to me. I don¡¯t tell Sarah anything. She¡¯s too happy andfy in Marcus¡¯ arms watching a movie so I endure the romanticedy for a bit then excuse myself and head to bed. Faithful old sleeping pills working wonders and getting me through my current tragic life. Chapter 110 Chapter 110 I get up with renewed vigor the next morning. I¡¯ve slept better than I have for days and somehow, I¡®m more able to cope. I eat, wave Sarah off to work and tell her I have a day off to get ready for the dance. It¡¯s not aplete lie as I intend to get ready in grand fashion, going to lengths I¡¯ve never bothered with before. Wilma is right, a good dress and a girly night with Le will help. I intend to follow Le¡¯s example. Something she taught me on the yacht was pampering is an enjoyable girly pursuit and can almost fool you into believing you don¡¯t have a broken heart. She also told me that a good night with a girlfriend can change your whole outlook on life. I manage to book an appointment at a beauty salon for just after noon and I¡¯m having the works. Nails, hair, waxing, make-up. I have a room full of people to impress, who have seen nothing but gaunt and lifeless Emma for weeks. Senior Carrero will be there, and I want to regain some of my pride in front of him. This dance means so much more than a night of fun for me, it¡¯s a chance to save face and present my old self again. Emma reborn as who she used to be. I spend the morning trying on dresses and finally settle on a floor length, red, slinky dress. It has a low cut back, corseted front and no straps. It clings to every curve and falls in a pool of fabric on the floor. It¡¯s one Donna chose for an elegant banquet we never attended weeks ago, at his request, seeing as she¡¯s his personal shopper and shops for anything he needs on demand. Jake¡¯s Armani tux was sent back but this was mine. Jake never expected me to return anything that was bought for me, always generous to a fault. I find the shoes to match in the pile of unopened boxes in my bathroom. She¡¯s gone for Hollywood m, vintage red heels in matching satin to the dress. Jake always said red suited me and I hope he¡¯s right. It¡¯s a color I¡¯ve only worn once ¡­ at his pushing on that damn boat. I make my appointment with time to spare, feeling nervier than I should since this is something I¡¯ve rarely done in my life. Le was my first proper experience with salons and beauty treatments. So, I¡¯m d when they don¡¯t keep me waiting for the full m treatment, starting with a hair trim and highlight retouch. I want my hair back to how it was the first day I cut it. It¡¯s grown so much and tickles my shoulders a lot. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I know I¡¯m thinking about Jake¡¯s reaction, the first time he saw my hair and deep down I want him to see me that way again. Don¡¯t go there. Tonight, is neither about him nor for him. It¡¯s about moving forward. * * * Standing at the mirror in my bedroom, nauseous with anticipation. I look every bit red-carpet ready; it even wows me, and I wish Sarah was home to see. I look, for the first time in my life, elegant and dare I say, a little bit beautiful. They¡¯ve given me subtle neen-fifties make-up with a nude lipstick and winged eyeliner. My skin is wless, my cheeks blushed and high, my nails a natural French manicure, so clean and polished. My hair is left down in its natural waves. It¡¯s shorter again and brushed to one side and I look seductive. I can¡¯t believe the girl in front of me is my own reflection. The dress sculpted to a body I¡¯m rather proud of and I stand elegantly in my heels. A tremble of nerves courses through me, anticipation, and dread in equal amounts. I know tonight is either going to be wonderful, or disastrous. I just hope that it won¡¯t be thetter. I know Le can get me through this and I need to see her so badly. I grasp my silver clutch and pull on the silver fur stole that Donna chose for another outfit, but it looks good. I¡¯ve booked a cab and it¡¯ll be here any minute. I feel sick to my stomach; my hands are shaking badly when I slide the ticket into my bag with my cell and cash. I steel down my nerves and head out to wait for my ride in the cool evening air. This is a new me. Be brave. Take a deep breath, and smile. You can do this. * * * The huge venue is every bit as morous as any I¡¯ve been to with Jake before,plete with a red- carpet entrance, shing cameras, and tuxedo wearing security. I pass easily with my ticket, getting slight interest from photographers as they try to decide if I¡¯m a celebrity or not, a few shes just in case. I¡¯m a little proud but I keep my chin down and walk inside. Le knows I¡¯ming, her text said she¡¯d find me, so my only task is to get inside and amuse myself until then. Find something to do until she rescues me. The inner floor is full of people mulling around in various degrees of expensive formal wear. The music from the full orchestra is loud and invading and the noisy bustle of chatter and scraping chairs, chinking sses is almost overpowering. It¡¯s been going on for an hour already and seems almost full, no huge wave ofteers to this merry event. I weave my way through the crowd, looking for my table, names are ced on cards at the tes for the main meal. I refer to the huge easels in the corner, holdingrge printed seating ns, and pale as I locate my name among the guests. I¡¯m still seated at the Carrero table next to Jake, seated as his date. Shit! What was I thinking? I should¡¯ve known this would happen. No one would¡¯ve informed them of a seating change ¡­ Margo would¡¯ve known this. I lose all bravado, blood running cold, turning, I panic, and rush off toward the entrance, flustered and emotional. I¡¯m not staying and doing this; the meal takes up more than an hour of the night. I can¡¯t sit beside him sipping wine and acting like all of this is okay. What the hell was Margo thinking? I can¡¯t breathe, I need to go. Go home and forget all of this. All my confidence is gone, and a sickening feeling is rising inside of me, urging on the breathlessness of an anxiety attack. My face heats as color creeps up my skin and I desperately push my way across the overcrowded floor, rushing to find my escape through the crowds haphazardly. I feel like an idiot and start tugging and twirling a strand of my hair manically. I¡¯ll just text Le and tell her I felt unwell. I move forward into the room and realize the only way out is across the dance floor. It¡¯s less crowded and easier to navigate than the bustling walkways. I push on, rage and emotion spiraling inside of me and I¡¯m not looking where I¡¯m going, blinded by watery eyes andplete disappointment in myself. I look up as I push through a tight group of people in ck formal wear ande face to face with Jake, mid-dance floor, stopping dramatically and almost have a heart attack. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. Shit! Literally two feet away. My breath halts in my chest painfully, the sight of him spins my world and drowns out everyone around me. His eyes meet mine with equal trepidation and I¡¯m captivated, a prisoner to him, under that steady green gaze pushing away everything else that surrounds us. We stand motionless, feet apart. An instant increase in the tension around us, making me want to crumble. He looks like my dreams, wless perfection in a ck tuxedo and white shirt, a doorway to my soul. He looks every bit James Bond and bad boy rolled into one and it¡¯s painful to witness. His gaze is steady on me, never leaving my eyes as neither of us move or say anything. His expression is calm, but I want to know what he¡¯s thinking. Long for him to say something instead of just staring at me that way. ¡°Oh, my god, Emma!¡± Le¡¯s excitable voice grabs my attention as she dives on me from the left. Jake was obviously with her and she begins hauling me into an overeager embrace around the neck, turning me to her. I grimace in surprise but let my arms find a path around the energetic creature and tear my focus away from the one man holding all my attention. ¡°Whoa, Le.¡± I choke,ughter breaking over me at her exuberant wee. d of her sudden distraction. She releases me and grabs my hands, bouncing up and down excitedly and I catch a glimpse of Jake watching us. His expression unchanged, his bodynguage stiff. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you, millions! Emails are not the same, Miss. Ems. You look freaking sensational!¡± She spins me around, surprisingly strong for someone so small and I gasp at the movement, lose my footing on the high heels, and fall sideways. Strong arms catch me, pulling me upright while instant searing heat at the contact flows through me. I know without looking that Jake has me. He expertly stands me and holds my upper arms, releasing me once I¡¯m steady. Trying forposed and cool seems to be my only focus. I just hope he doesn¡¯t see the way I trembled at his touch or closed my eyes until he had put me upright. Unable to bear his touch. I take a slow breath to regain myposure, but Le seems oblivious. ¡°Careful, Le.¡± Jake scorns in a paternal tone. I try to avoid looking at him, my body fluttering at his presence even though he¡¯s let me go. I catch his eyes skimming my dress and flush inside, but he looks away and watches other people in the crowd. That unreadable face and taut body hiding everything going on in hisplex mind. ¡°I can¡¯t help being so happy to see her, Jake, you keep her hidden from me.¡± She smarts with a cheeky smile. I nce at him quickly, seeing the frown flicker across his face when he looks back at Le. He hasn¡¯t told Le that I don¡¯t work for him anymore? I guess neither have I, it never crossed my mind to tell her or anyone that Jake removed me from his life. ¡°I¡¯ve been working.¡± I cut in smoothly, avoiding his eyes again. Music overtakes our conversation as the instruments heat up and a slow bades across the air, making conversation near impossible. Chapter 111 Chapter 111 ¡°Oh, I promised someone a first slow dance.¡± Le turns me, shoving me into Jake, hard. He automatically reacts and catches me, again, keeping me upright as I collide with his chest, righting me once more. He lets me go as though I¡¯ve burned him, shifting apart and upping the awkward tension between us. ¡°Keep her warm for me until Ie back, Jacob!¡± She grins cheekily and takes off at speed. ¡°That girl ¡­¡± he utters tightly, avoiding my face. ¡°You¡¯ve got to love her though.¡± I shrug, biting my lip. The nervousness is overwhelming me, unable to look at his face and the music is moving into full swing as couples move around us, joining together to sway. I fidget with my hair awkwardly and shuffle my feet, looking around for a quick exit. This is beyond unbearable and incredibly intense. I catch him ring at my fingers mid-twirl and release the strand nervously. He can still close me down with a look. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. ¡°Want to dance with me, Anderson?¡± His low tone halts me as my stomach flips and hesitation jumps in. I don¡¯t know if I can bare this. ¡°I don¡¯t bite ¡­¡± He smiles, and I catch the flicker of amusement in his eye, remembering thest time he¡¯d said it to me, so long ago. No, he didn¡¯t bite, he just devastated hearts. He doesn¡¯t give me a moment to answer or think, just reaches out for my wrist, and pulls me into him so my body softly collides with his, and I reach up with t palm to his chest. He maneuvers me perfectly in his arms and sways me in time to the music, his face above me and turned away, so there¡¯s no confusion as to what this is. I tense, his touch is all I¡¯ve craved for, for days, all I¡¯ve thought about, but not like this. He¡¯s forced into this, standing in the middle of a ballroom floor surrounded by important people trying to pretend we are how we used to be. He doesn¡¯t want to cause a scene. He doesn¡¯t want to be here with me and I waiver as a swell of emotion overtakes me causing my eyes to well up. I can¡¯t do this. I can¡¯t pretend like everything is okay and we can just put the past behind us. I can¡¯t put the past behind me, I can¡¯t pretend that I don¡¯t still feel the same way about him. It¡¯s agony. ¡°I can¡¯t do this ¡­¡± I whisper, emotion breaking in my voice and I pull myself free. I try to turn away, but he catches my chin with his hand, lifting it up to him quickly. I know he sees my pain and my eyes are almost overflowing with the effort of not crying. I¡¯ve be so useless at finding my mask nowadays, it¡¯s long since deserted me and this close to him I¡¯m defenseless. His lips part and he frowns, but he lets me go. There¡¯s some sort of recognition run over his face as if he¡¯s seen something he doesn¡¯t like, maybe he¡¯s finally realizing why we can never go back to before. Because his stupid ex PA has be so utterly devoted to every part of him that she can no longer function in his presence. That¡¯s one thing for sure that could send him running for the hills ¡­ Love. ¡°I need to go.¡± I turn my face downwards trying to hide the tears as they spill down my cheek. I turn on my heels, walking away as fast as I can, taking deep breaths, trying to calm the inner chaos begging to erupt all over this ballroom floor. Trying to get the feel and smell of him away from me so I can breathe, so I can function. He stands motionless on the floor, but I can feel his eyes following me and it hurts me more than I can bear. I walk through the crowds on the dance floor until I find open space, maneuvering among people and faces trying to find a way out of this infernal room. My heart is beating erratically, I¡¯m afraid to turn around and see him again, I need to stay strong and leave. Pushing until I get to the edge of the dance floor, I stop to take a deep breath, my legs weak as I try to steady my pulsing heart rate. My cell vibrates in my clutch bag and I curse inwardly at whoever it is who has picked the worst moment to summon me. I grate my teeth as I yank my cell out, anger growing inside me at this damn job and the way it always imposes on every part of my life. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. I freeze, almost dropping my phone in shock. My breathing ups a gear, making me afraid to move. I stare for a long second. What? Why would he? Why now, after everything? Our long-forgotten mode ofmunication. Jake sending me songs as way of giving messages is lost and forgotten since he severed our tie and sent me away, along with our friendship. I don¡¯t understand why he would try and get to me this way now, how much this hurts me. I screw my eyes closed. I¡¯m dreaming, this is all a hallucination and when I open my eyes, it¡¯ll be gone. I can¡¯t do this; I can¡¯t have him acting like we used to. I just saw him, and it was obvious it¡¯ll never go back to how it was. Is that what he wants? PA Emma back, friend and tonic assistant? I can never go back there. With shaking fingers, I swipe the screen slowly, scared, and hesitant but my breath catches as I read the email, a small gasp leaving my lips as my eyes fill with moisture. Jake Carrero has sent you: ¡°Say You Love Me¡± by Jessie Wares. The tears fall before my brain has time to connect. What does this mean? He knows I love him? I don¡¯t know what to think or feel. I spin around scanning the dance floor, looking for him, for some hint of an idea at what this means or what he wants from me. All I see is an ocean of people. I¡¯vee too far, my sight of him hindered by the crowd and I stay facing the floor, my head whirling. I made the mistake once before of not being honest with him. No matter what this means, I won¡¯t make the same mistake again. Sarah was right. We didn¡¯t ever just say what we felt, we never talked about feelings. I don¡¯t want to be that girl anymore. Even if I humiliate myself, then at least I¡¯ll leave him in no doubt as to how I feel this time. If anything, maybe he¡¯ll finally leave me alone and stay out of my life. I open iTunes and scroll; every titlecks what I want to say. I try some keywords and there it is¡ªit¡¯s perfect. I know the song, it¡¯s what I should have told him a long time ago. I purchase and send while holding my breath incase air destroys my courage. Emma Anderson, you¡¯ve sent Jake Carrero ¡°Only Love Can Hurt Like This¡± by Paloma Faith. I look up again, scanning the crowds, searching the floor but I don¡¯t see him. It pains me more, every face a disappointment and I shove my phone back in my bag and push it aside. My body is in chaos, my mind floundering and my breathing isbored. I¡¯ve never been so terrified. If only I could see him, figure out what all this means. I want to see his reaction; I want to know how to feel. Feeling like I¡¯m hanging from a cliff by my fingernails torn that maybe I should go back and see if I can find him. And then, there he is. Pushing through the wave of bodies toward me, looking around, his eyes search every girl with tawny hair in a red dress and they finally fall on me while I am rooted to the spot. He falters, his body straightens, his eyes lock on mine with a force that make me stand stone still, caught in his spell. I¡¯m in no doubt that he was searching for me. He strides toward me, his eye on his target, he¡¯s homed in and his look is stern with intent. He marches toward me, without breaking eye contact, not stopping to look at the people beside him who try to get his attention. Just me and he¡¯s moving fast, he doesn¡¯t hesitate. Two more strides and he¡¯s at me, his hands on my face, cupping my jaw, pulling me forward hard and his mouth molds to mine. The power of his kiss makes me melt, grabbing onto his arms for support so my legs don¡¯t give out. The emotion behind it opens me up to him and I surrender. Letting him capture me, drag me into him and lose myself. His lips mold to mine and our tongues caress in perfect unison. I¡¯m free falling and time ceases to exist, everyone disappears and it¡¯s only him. Pulling me under into a wave of euphoria that¡¯s untouchable. It doesn¡¯t matter that we¡¯re surrounded by people, doesn¡¯t matter how many see this, all there is in time and space is him and I. Locked this way as my heart soars and my stomach flutters with a million butterflies and the noises fade away. After what seems like forever, yet not long enough he pulls away from me, breathing hard, matching my own breathlessness. His hands are on my face, gently holding me still like I¡¯m precious ss. Holding me close, his forehead against mine, my hands on his upper arms are gripping on tightly to his jacket. We don¡¯t speak, just breathe each other in, our eyes locked, pupilsrge and focused, passing a million messages. Chapter 112 Chapter 112 The doubts I had about Jake in the past are dispersed with the strength of the look he¡¯s giving me. His pain and heartbreak mirrored in mine, that same longing to have me as I have wanted him. I think Jake loves me! My world spins, the realization that everything I¡¯ve felt, everything I¡¯ve been so afraid of is right here in his green depths, staring back at me without hesitation. ¡°Come with me?¡± he whispers, even though the room is noisy, I hear him loud and clear and nod. His gaze is focused so intently on me, flicking from my eyes to my mouth. His face flickering as he concentrates on my lips as though he¡¯s experiencing internal pain. He kisses me again, lightly, sending flutters through me, tingles to every cell. A sweet kiss, not one of passion and misunderstanding but a ¡®You¡¯re mine and I can¡¯t believe get to touch you this way¡¯ kiss. He lets go of my face and grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers possessively as he pulls me in the direction of the grand exit. I can¡¯t stop myself devouring him with my eyes, my heart¡¯s in a frenzy and my blood rushes through my entire body so I can only hear the same words inside my head. I love him so much it hurts. A pain so severe I think I may fall right here, my heart giving out under the pressure. His tall, strong body guides me, pulling me out of the room with my spiraling crazy thoughts. Is this really happening? My heart¡¯s soaring, my chest heavy with uncertainty yet beating fast with anticipation. Someone stops us, I vaguely remember them, business acquaintances, someone important. That irritated wave of disappointment and impatience hits me hard and I stop abruptly as he does. No, no, no. We have things to work out, things to say. Go away! He pauses, throwing me an unreadable look, then shakes hands with the suit before him. He tightens his grip on me as though he¡¯s afraid I¡¯ll run away or leave him. He pulls me into his side, his muscles tense and he tucks my arm under his possessively. He¡¯s making it clear that he¡¯s aware of me, wanting me to know I¡¯m not far from his mind. Another man intervenes, and Jake gets impatient, he tugs me forward and slides an arm around my waist. Pulling me against his body so my head leans into his shoulder and chest, turning to nt a kiss on my temple. The excitement rises inside, threatening to unravel me as I wait, so hard to stay still and not scream in frustration. Finally, he makes an excuse and moves fast, jerking me with him, then nces down at me as I stumble, pausing to right me on my feet. I can barely function. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ I just need to get you out of here quickly ¡­ I need us to be alone. To talk.¡± He rushes his words in a very un-Jake-like manner, his voice is so husky, my inner body almost explodes. He scans around the main hall and seems annoyed, hauling me with him, he heads for a door concealed behind the sweeping staircase. I can barely match his steps with my flowing dress and high shoes. I lift the hem of my skirt to stop myself tripping and catch his eyes on me, a look of sheer lust and longing which makes my stomach tighten. This is happening! Checking around he opens the door into a dim abandoned hall and pulls me inside, closing it behind us firmly. He turns me, so I¡¯m pushed against the wall in front of him, sweeping back to me, capturing my mouth, without hesitation, his palms syed on the wall at each side of my head. This kiss out does the first. Every single longing and insatiable ache being poured into this meeting of our lips and I crumble under the force. His armse around me, pinning me to him with my back against the wall, breathing heavily. He¡¯s just as lost as I am as I slide my fingers around his neck, holding on for dear life, crushing one another with a vehemence so powerful it¡¯s terrifying. After a moment he pulls away, leaning against me, our bodies heaving with desire, forehead to forehead, breathing each other in with eyes locked. A flutter of apprehension followed by a frown and it causes my voice to stifle in my throat and mute my words. This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?. Is he regretting this already? Maybe I was wrong about how he feels. About what I saw in his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m waiting on it, Emma.¡± His voice is low and pained, he seems upset, suddenly so different and my stomach drops. Fear gripping me that he¡¯s about to abandon me again and kill what¡¯s left of my heart ¡°On what?¡± I sound meek, scared, and confused by his expression and this quick change in him. Not again, Jake. Don¡¯t leave me again. Please. ¡°The door to hit me in the face again ¡­ Another reason you think we shouldn¡¯t be together,¡± he says sardonically and it¡¯s only now I notice the flicker of fear in his eye too. How many times have I done that to him? How long was he waiting for me to let him in? I shake my head, lifting my fingers to trace his lips softly, the chiseled curve of the perfect mouth. He makes me ache for his kiss again. He catches my hand with his, pressing my palm to his mouth and kisses it lightly, closing his eyes at the touch as a smile tugs my lips. ¡°I¡¯m not going to do that ¡­ Jake. I won¡¯t push you away again.¡± I breathe softly. The agony of time apart has chased my fears into the darkest recesses of my mind, nothing can hurt as much as not having Jake in my life. I lost all the things that mattered to me. In the end, I realized he was the only thing I had that was worth losing in the first ce. His pupils dte at my words, sending a surge of power through me. Jake¡¯s here with me ¡­ For once we¡¯re on the same page and I know by looking at him that we want the same thing. ¡°I love you ¡­ I think I¡¯ve been in love with you for a very long time ¡­¡± He smiles shyly, unaware of the devastating effect those little words and that smile have on my soul. My heart constricts in joy, my tears falling with happiness and I be a mess of emotions melting in his arms instantly. ¡°I ¡­ I ¡­¡± I can¡¯t get the words out and fall to pieces in a flood of sobs. I¡¯ve been waiting so long to have him feel this way about me. It¡¯s all too much and the dam breaks. He wraps himself around me, burying his face in my hair, his strength and power, holding me where I need to be. I could lose myself completely to him and know I¡¯d always be safe, held like this. ¡°Don¡¯t cry, bambino ¡­ Please, Emma ¡­ I didn¡¯t think telling you I loved you would cause this.¡± He sounds ravaged, his voice torn with emotion too while I cling to him as though I¡¯m adrift in the sea and he¡¯s my lifeline. ¡°Say something ¡­¡± ¡°I ¡­ love ¡­ you.¡± I sniff and sob incoherently, feeling his body rx. He pulls my face from his chest, lifting my chin, kissing me softly on the mouth. Savoring the touch, so gentle and perfect that it sets me off again. Like an erratic overemotional woman on her period, I literally burst into tears, just shy of wailing like a cat. ¡°Jesus, Emma ¡­ If I¡¯d known this was how it would be, I would¡¯ve brought some tissues and a lot of chocte.¡± He grins at me, fingers tangling themselves in my hair and I giggle through my tears, leaning against him again. He can always make meugh, despite everything, despite the sheer deep emotion of what we¡¯re doing, what we¡¯re saying. Here we are, smiling. ¡°They¡¯re happy tears.¡± I sniff back the waves of emotion, trying to regain someposure. Digging in my purse for tissues and finding nothing to stop the rivulets of mascara pouring down my cheeks. ¡°Should I be crying too then?¡± He smiles, wiping my cheek with his thumb, doing his best to dry my face by using his jacket sleeve to dab the worst away. He¡¯s caging me against the wall with one of his arms, lowering his face to stay close to me. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to see you cry.¡± I smile up at him feebly through watery eyes, experiencing a rush of warmth as he delivers another soft kiss to my mouth. I could let him do this for an eternity and never tire of it. ¡°Good. I¡¯m not much of a crier and you¡¯re doing a grand enough job for the both of us ¡­ I¡¯m happy, though, you have no idea. I never thought we¡¯d get here. I didn¡¯t think this was how you felt about me.¡± He rests his brow against mine, tracing my face with his fingers, breathing so closely. This time I lean up and kiss him, feeling brave enough to do it, in the knowledge that he loves me. It ignites into a more passionate kiss with his hand sliding behind my neck and his tongue searching out the warmth of my mouth. We both groan and sag against each other. Sexual tension igniting with rage and he pulls away, sucking my lower lip slowly and gently. Both of us lock on one another through heavy lids, seeped in lust. ¡°If we keep doing this then I can promise you I won¡¯t be a gentleman for much longer.¡± He warns with the softest voice, his eyes glued to my lips. I¡¯m fascinated by the way his mouth looks so right nestled among designer stubble and that chiseled jaw line. Slightly blushed from kissing. Chapter 113 Chapter 113 ¡°Oh, I always knew you weren¡¯t a gentleman.¡± I jest, biting my lip unable to tear my gaze from his mouth either. You¡¯re perfection. ¡°Hey! I¡¯ve been very well behaved. You have no idea the kind of thoughts that went through my head concerning you.¡± He catches my wrists and pins them over my head with one hand, his other sliding up from my waist and along my ribs suggestively. ¡°None of that surprises me, you and your ex-rated mind. I always knew you had Casanova tendencies.¡± I tremble with shivers as his touch ignites feelings inside me that are equally ex-rated, and I tense my thighs together to fight insane urges. ¡°Cheeky!¡± He nts a swift kiss on my lips then leans back to continue watching me. He lets my hands go, ¡°You¡¯re beautiful, and you¡¯re all mine!¡± We smile at one another, then he quickly delivers another lip grazing kiss. Trying it out, enjoying the fact that he can, and I can see kissing bing his number one hobby after tonight. Maybe mine too. ¡°I¡¯m still mad at you.¡± I push my palms up his abdomen and slide them over his chest, exploring, being able to freely roam and braver than I have ever felt before. ¡°I don¡¯t me you, be.¡± He frowns. ¡°I¡¯m mad at me too,¡± there¡¯s a tint of regret in his eyes as he brings a hand down and smooths my hair behind one ear, stopping to y with the delicate diamond cluster earring, his eyes focused on it as he moves it around gently. ¡°Makes a change from being mad at me, I guess.¡± I smirk. I¡¯ve finally gained control of my emotions again, as much as I can after a love confession from the man of my dreams. He stares at me for long agonizing moments, his eyes locked on mine, taking in every detail of my face, his expression unreadable. ¡°I only got mad with you because of how I feel about you, Emma ¡­ It was ripping me apart. I didn¡¯t know how to behave around you or how to deal with all this crap inside of me ¡­ Overemotional men are just narky shits.¡± He softly smiles. So, all those times he seemed so crazy pissed off at me ¡­ All came down to this? Surely not? ¡°I get mad at you because you¡¯re an asshole sometimes; nothing to do with emotions or love.¡± I smirk and nce up at him shyly. He breaks into another heartthrob smile and I can¡¯t resist running my fingers across his mouth again. He moves into my touch igniting my love of being able to freely touch him like this. It feels like I¡¯ve died and woken in a heavenly ce. ¡°We need to make this work.¡± He breathes. ¡°I can¡¯t walk away again ¡­ I don¡¯t want to. This past month has been unbearable, like I had my insides wrenched out.¡± His confession is sobering, his voice strained. Rosalie was right. Jake had been missing me as much as I was missing him, and I can¡¯t believe we have been suffering apart silently. Jake loved me. All that denial and second guessing him was for nothing. ¡°Are you asking me to be your PA again?¡± I ask quietly, bravely, soothed by knowing he¡¯s had the same pain I have when we were apart, a pang of hope rises in my chest. I¡¯ve no idea how that¡¯ll work now, things are so different. ¡°I¡¯m asking for way more than that, Miele.¡± His voice softly caresses me, his fingers still in my hair, sensually moving over my scalp, sending shivers of desire through me. ¡°Tell me what you want from me, be specific.¡± My inner strength takes a step forward and I know I need him to say it. Be brave, Emma ¡­ stop hiding and put all the cards on the table. Sarah said we didn¡¯t every it all out, well, here we are. I need him to be straight with me. I need to hear him to tell me what he wants from me. No more second guessing. ¡°I want you ¡­ All of you ¡­ I want us. Just you and me and no one else. No games, no hiding, no more misunderstandings ¡­ I want you to be the one woman I share my bed and my life with. I want a real rtionship with you, Bambino.¡± I¡¯ve never seen Jake so open and honest and ¡­ raw in my life. The fear in his eyes and the trepidation, because for him, this is just as huge as it is for me. His brokenhearted past, his need to keep women at arm¡¯s length for fear of being hurt and here he is, offering all of himself to me. I throw myself into him, sliding my arms round his waist, holding tight as my heart gushes with love and his arms tighten around me too. This is everything, this is what¡¯s meant for me. I love him so much I can barely breathe. ¡°I want that too,¡± I whisper, as his handes up into the back of my hair, fingers entangling to hold me tight. ¡°You better not be crying again.¡± His voice isced with humor and I lean back shaking my head, face dry but mouth wide with a happy smile. ¡°No tears ¡­ Brownies whatsits.¡± I attempt a girl guide salute and watch Jake shake his head at me pitifully. He pushes my hand down with a frown and kisses my forehead with a ¡®nice try¡¯ kind of look on his face. ¡°This ¡­ Us ¡­ It¡¯s really happening?¡± Jake suddenly looks so young and vulnerable, tipping his head back and letting his eyes run over my face as though he has reverted ten years. ¡°It looks that way.¡± I manage, tangling his fingers with mine, tugging his hand against my chest to feel his skin on mine, bing greedy with the need to stay connected. ¡°You may need to pinch me a couple of times to actually believe it, shorty.¡± He moves in again, brushing his mouth against mine tenderly. His hand skims my throat and across my shoulder seductively, reigniting his obsession with touching me again but a little details falters through my head. I pull away, my mind racing ahead and pin a look on him seriously. There¡¯s one thing guing me, and I need to know. One thing that causes a pain in my heart, even amid the tion now bashing me in the face. ¡°What about Marissa?¡± I curse inwardly at how feeble I sound saying it. His jaw tenses but he smiles at me gently, bringing our noses to touch tenderly, treating me like a fragile and priceless piece of ss. ¡°I don¡¯t want her; I didn¡¯t want her. It was a stupid drunken mistake. I¡¯ll be there for the baby but as far as she¡¯s concerned, she means nothing. It¡¯s you, it will always be you.¡± His fingertip traces my eyebrow gently, then smooths back a strand of my hair that¡¯s fallen forward. I see only truth in his eyes, and it pushes me to find the courage to go on. ¡°How do you feel about the baby?¡± I ask. I want to know everything that¡¯s ravaged my mind for weeks. He frowns, wondering where I¡¯m going with this, but he¡¯s my Jake now and I get to ask him this because he loves me. That thought gives me confidence and power, opening parts of me that I never knew I had. ¡°I¡¯d be lying if I said I was happy ¡­ I¡¯m not ¡­ But I did this, and I need to take responsibility. I hadn¡¯t ever thought about having kids, so this is all pretty overwhelming right now.¡± He screws his face up cutely, looking far too appealing. ¡°Don¡¯t walk away from your child,¡± I state. I know better than anyone what a father who didn¡¯t want to know could do to a kid emotionally, for a lifetime. He kisses me softy on the lips. Each time he does a look passes over his beautiful face, disbelief that I¡¯m letting him so freely do this. This content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org. The feeling¡¯s mutual. Did I really torture him that much? ¡°That¡¯s not me, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m nothing like your father. I won¡¯t walk away.¡± He gently pushes my forehead with his. ¡°Can we drop this conversation for now, there¡¯s something I would much rather be doing.¡± He grins with the glint of ¡°Cheeky Carrero¡± in his eye. All signs of doubt and vulnerability moving out and sexually confident Carrero moving back in, even his body seems to suddenly grow bigger. ¡°Such as?¡± I smile. Deep down a slight wave of insecurity moves into my mind and I waiver. Is he going to leave me here? Where else does he need to be? Surely, he isn¡¯t nning on leaving me here now? After this? ¡°Taking my girlfriend home and fucking her brains out. It¡¯s long overdue.¡± He grins, capturing my mouth as I inhale sharply in surprise, a passionate kiss stilling my words. His hands firmly pull me into him again. This time harder, making his intention clear; I¡¯m taken aback by his deration and my body tingles in anticipation. Girlfriend? Me? I squeal internally. And what he wants to do ¡­ Most definitely! My body is practically convulsing in excitement. Only Jake could make crass sound like the most romantic suggestion in the world. Chapter 114 Chapter 114 The car journey to his apartment passes in a flurry of back seat grinding and fumbling, lying t across the smooth leather seat. Jake heavy on top of me with hands and mouth all over my skin, pushing me to a searing heat that has me panting and kissing me as though he¡¯s been deprived for years. Toe- curling kisses that have me begging for more. My fingers feel out his shirt and bow tie, undoing both so they hang freely open while his naked strong chest is covered in my lipstick kisses and his jackets discarded on the floor. If the internal, cked out window of the limo hadn¡¯t been there, I would be ashamed of what Jefferson would be witnessing. Jake almost has me on the seat, his desire set free, my body no longer out of bounds for him and he¡¯s making the most of it. All my inner voices and fears chased away by his kiss while the doubts and panic are gone. He bites, nips, licks, and kisses every exposed part of me, rips my underwear off under my dress and explores me with his hands, making me climax on the seat in a way I could never have imagined. His fingers exploring my point of ecstasy as he devours my mouth with his. I had never done anything like this, never imagined I could allow myself or trust a man enough to let one, yet it feels like heaven under his practiced hand, for once his experience not something which upsets me. I never had the urge to do anything like this until Jake, he¡¯s insatiable and irresistible and from the second he had me locked in this dark box of a car, I have been his. His growing desire kept firmly locked away as he stills my hands telling me, ¡®No ¡­ My turn first.¡¯ He has a year¡¯s worth of fantasy about me to catch up on and he wants to take his time. * * * I can¡¯t walk from the car to his building, my legs are weak and shaking from what he¡¯s done moments before, so he scoops me up with a look of a sexy devil and carries me to the inner building. Trussed up in his arms like a fragile prize as the doorman opens it at our arrival and Jake looks down, winking at me naughtily. He looks like the cat that got the cream N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°That was just the starter, bambino. I have weeks of pent-up sexual frustration to take out on you yet.¡± His voice is heavy andden with intent and my insides clench while held fast in his arms. Melting under his scrutiny. Oh god! There is no going back now, I am hopelessly his and I want this more than anything. I just hope I have the stamina to keep up with Jake Carrero. In his apartment, he carries me to the living room and ces me on my feet in the middle of the floor carefully, leaving me standing and takes my stole and bag, tossing them on a nearby chair. His fingers trail across my naked shoulder and down my arm as he walks away, igniting tingles and my heart lurches up in rhythm. He walks to his side unit and pushes his phone into the station dock and turns on slow music that fills the air soothingly. ¡°Are you trying to seduce me, Carrero?¡± I smile coyly, biting my lip and watch him move around the semi-dark room. He seems nervous, much like I am now we¡¯re here. ¡°I¡¯ve learned, that when ites to you, nothing is a certainty. I¡¯m definitely seducing you.¡± His eyes come and meet mine as he slowly walks back to me, lifting my face by cupping my jaw with his palms, he lowers his head and kisses me slowly and deliberately. A slight touch of his tongue across my bottom lip and I open my mouth and kiss him back, letting my arms slide up between his and around his neck. We move against each other firmly so every curve and line meet, his kiss deepening and sending a spiraling pit of longing through to my core. His hands skim my ribs, my waist and thene around behind me, cupping my butt and he lifts me closer to his height, my feet lifting me from the ground, so I tip my heels up and I give a little squeak in response and pull away to look at him. ¡°This isn¡¯t your first rodeo, is it, cowboy?¡± I giggle as his hold tightens on me. Holding me high against him. ¡°First one that matters.¡± He grins and moves to my throat, kissing and sucking while I let myself go weak and close my eyes, sagging slightly as I let him devour me, my grip around his neck loosening as he slides me back to the floor. Each touch sending a thousand sensations to every nerve ending, my body erupting and my stomach fluttering so much my insides tremble. I slide my hands up to the back of the bodice of my dress, fumbling with the catches that are concealed in the corset fastening, eager to be naked with him, but he stays my fingers, cupping them and pulling them away from the clips. ¡°We have all night, there¡¯s no rush.¡± His eyes are heavy and hooded and despite slowing me down, I can see the lust in his dark green eyes. ¡°I¡¯ve waited for what seems like an eternity for this. I don¡¯t want to hurry it.¡± He kisses me again slowly and then lets me go, takes my hand, and pulls me toward the center of the lounge even though his open bedroom door is nearby. ¡°Where are we going?¡± I gaze at the bed longingly through the open door, after what he did in the car, I was sure we would get in there and go crazy with passion. Jake seems to want to savor every second and dy the actual moment but I¡¯m too hot for his body to be with mine; I want to be naked and writhing right now and put all the months of anguish behind us. I want that night in the hotel again, only this time with no doubts and internal voice trying to stop me from enjoying it. Who the hell are you and what have you done with Emma? ¡°Patience, bambino ¡­ All good thingse to those who wait.¡± He pulls me into the sitting room to the larger clearing between the couches. Lifting a remote from the nearby table, he switches on a concealed stereo which ys the dock music across the room at a louder level. Soothing soft music made for lovers. He pulls me into his embrace and starts dancing with me, slowly and tenderly stroking my arms and neck, his mouth gently pressing to every exposed part of me. He¡¯s keeping the tempo slow and seductive. Feeling a tad frustrated, I lift my hands and wave two palms in his face almost stomping my foot with full attitude on show. ¡°Stop! What¡¯s this?¡± I flick my hand up and down his torso as though gesturing him. ¡°What?¡± He looks amused, if not a bit confused. ¡°This slow and smooth, easy, lovey dovey, seduction? Jake from the hotel was more of the m me to a wall and take me kind of a seducer. This feels too much like Casanova putting the moves on.¡± I pout, frustration brimming, unsure why this has me so wound up. ¡°That Jake was a little sexually frustrated, this Jake is crazy in love and knows you¡¯re all his for an eternity.¡± He moves in again to start kissing my neck, dismissing my tantrum. ¡°Nope, no ¡­ Nope!¡± I grab his hand and turn on my heel, yanking him with me toward the bedroom which is futile as I¡¯m jerked to a halt. When he doesn¡¯t follow, I haul his wrist with a harder jerk, but he justughs at me. He¡¯s like unmovable stone and is just regarding me as one would a child who has no chance of pulling him anywhere. ¡°I didn¡¯t agonize for thest month to be made to wait now!¡± I huff and pull him stubbornly. Trying to back into his room and straining with all my might. He doesn¡¯t budge. ¡°Are you telling me you want me to throw you on the bed caveman style and screw you?¡± He¡¯s still holding his ground, hardly moved by my feeble attempts. Watching me with a look that just screams ¡®you¡¯re so fucking adorable right now.¡¯ Ughhh. ¡°Yes!¡± I yell it at him in frustration. I don¡¯t want soft and gentle Jake, I want ¡®fuck this shit¡¯ m me to the wall Jake. The heat of how he was when he just needed to have me. I want that to seal this deal. I need that from him. ¡°You have no sense of romance, baby, something we need to remedy.¡± He shakes his arm, testing how tightly I have a grip and sighs. ¡°Fine ¡­ This time! Next time is my way!¡± He steps forward, bends down, and flips me over his shoulder, smacking my ass hard, which gets an excited squeal from me, before striding into the dark bedroom and tossing me on the bed. Yesssss! I giggle as I bounce and watch him slide off his loose bow tie and then shirt. The beauty of that body on show atst and it¡¯s enough to make me drool. My heart rate elevates, and palms get sweaty while the inner nerves push to the forefront. Chapter 115 Chapter 115 ¡°Turn over.¡± Hemands gently, and I do as I¡¯m told as hees to kneel over me and starts undoing my dress. My body sags a little at the release from the tight corset. ¡°This dress ising out to y again, next time we¡¯ll keep it on.¡± He almost growls, his voice raspy and deep. He sounds more like passionate Jake now and it excites me beyond belief. He catches my hips, pulling me down the bed until my feet slide to the floor and stands me up. When I do, the dress falls around my ankles, so I¡¯m left standing ince panties with the warmth of his naked torso against my back, his hands trailing down my exposed waist and igniting goosebumps. I close my eyes and let my hands drop to my sides, exposing my naked breasts. ¡°These can stay on.¡± He helps me step out of my dress, his hand cupping my foot in my high stiletto shoe and he runs a finger up the back of my naked leg, causing me to shiver in anticipation. He moves away and I glimpse his trousers being thrown to the side of the room from the corner of my eye before he¡¯s back against me. ¡°Are you nervous?¡± his soft voice brushes against my ear gently, sending a wave of tingles and electricity rushing around my body, prickling every inch of me and my inner self clenches. ¡°A little,¡± I admit. It is partially the reason I wanted it to be fast and passion driven, no room for nerves or shyness. Now we¡¯re standing, almost naked, and my anxiety levels are dwindling to be reced with desire and the way Jake always makes me feel, calm, and safe. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°It¡¯s a first for me ¡­ being nervous I mean,¡± he utters softly as his breath fans my neck, a soft kiss ced on the apex of my shoulder des and his hands slide softly over my hips while he takes my panties down slowly to my ankles. I lift a foot at a time and let him remove them fully. Watching as he carefully maneuvers them over the shoes, he wanted me to keep on. I say nothing, just nce down and catch his smile from his lowered pose before he slides back to standing. ¡°I know I said caveman style screwing ¡­ How about we just go with the flow instead.¡± He kisses my neck gently, tracing the curve below my ear lobe softly. I can only nod, my voice caught in a groan as I rx into him and his handse around, slowly turning me toward him. Despite having sex with him so long ago, he¡¯d never seen me fully naked and I¡¯m more than aware of it now as his eyes roam over me appreciatively. The look takes away my shyness and apprehension and I can see he wants me badly. It¡¯s written all over his face as his eyes slowly devour me, he makes me feel desirable and sexy. He¡¯s naked too, all hard angles and lines and ck ink tattoos, making me weak at the knees. He¡¯s the ultimate male specimen and I can barely contain the longing tearing through me with intense heat. He leans down, lips to mine, not so softly now, the evidence of how turned on he is pressing against me. His tongue smooths against mine and he deepens the kiss, passion notching up a gear. I let my hands skim his muscr biceps, up to his carved shoulders and to his strong neck. I trail across the hard, even in of chest and tangle in the slight scattering of hair there, feeding on the way he¡¯s moving to me and kissing me erotically. With a swift move, he scoops me up, so my legs are drawn around his waist and I¡¯m holding on around his neck. He walks us forward, still his mouth on mine as he lowers slowly to his knees on the bed and shimmies us fully onto it. He drops me down onto the padded surface yfully and grabs my ankles, a little tug to pull me down the bed so I¡¯m catapulted onto my back and sprawl out. He¡¯s not slow in getting on top of me and nestling himself between my legs, nudging them open so we¡¯re connected fully. ¡°I love you.¡± He looks deep within me, igniting my soul, his eyes green and heavy with longing. His face so smooth and rxed. ¡°I love you.¡± I bite my lip to stop the wobble of emotioning over me. That ache deep inside, love fueled and ravaging, so tender it hurts. He kisses me softly then sucks my bottom lip a little harder and I can¡¯t help but close my eyes and groan against his mouth, igniting so many ripples of desire. ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m not going to fuck your brains out though.¡± He grins up at me and all softness is reced with hard core lust, his hand cups me between the thighs and slowly circles me. I gasp and arch back as his mouth traces down to my exposed breast and sucks down on my nipple. I convulse in pleasure and get lost in longing and sensation. He moves his thumb to rest on my clitoris, with small circr movements sending me wild and goes back to kissing and sucking on my mouth and lips sensually. I start squirming and wing at his back with my nails, unable to stop the moans and groans from deep down inside of me as he expertly slides a finger within me, circling and teasing while kissing me into submission. It doesn¡¯t take long before the waves start building up inside, that same feeling of climbing again to an orgasm and I brace my hands on his chest, pushing him up so he stops and looks at me, wariness on his face. ¡°Not like this ¡­ I want you, I¡¯m ready,¡± Imand it so breathlessly, but he understands, pulling his hand from between us, he leans to the bedside unit and pulls open the top drawer. Momentster he¡¯s slid on a condom and is back on top of me, easing himself between my legs carefully. He runs a gentle finger over my breast, up my throat and to my face, where I surprise myself by catching his hand in mine and push his finger into my mouth to suck. He groans and tenses over me, the tip of his hardness pressing against the opening of my softness, where it twitches in response to what I¡¯m doing. It empowers me so that I ease my hips down and up so he can push inside of me, stretching me and hitting that ache inside as he slides in. He exhales slowly. ¡°This is so much better than I remember,¡± he groans,ing down to press his lips to mine, fully pushing himself inside me. I almost implode with how good he feels there. I arch up so he¡¯s filling mepletely and w at him as he slides back and forth, tantalizingly slow. He stops to watch me, savoring the sensation as the expression on my face goes to pieces and he pushes again with a little more intent. He catches my hand and props it above my head, pinning it down, then he does the same with my other arm and brings them together. Holding me down this way and looking straight into my eyes, he begins moving inside me slowly and deliberately, his lips parting, his eyes glued to me as pleasure sweeps through us. I resist the urge to arch my head back and close my eyes, I want to look at him as the ecstasy takes hold of me, I want to stay focused on those perfect green eyes and that perfect face. Imprint this moment to memory. It¡¯s as though we¡¯re made for one another, I¡¯m already panting and groaning as the waves of heat start tingling at my toes. The slow steady wash as it begins to move up through my legs, my body so in tune with his and so responsive. He seems to sense the approaching orgasm, so he thrusts harder, letting my hands go kissing me, his tongue probing my mouth. He quickens the pace so that his movements have more force behind them, and I grip at the sheets beneath me, unable to control it anymore. Each thrust has me gasping out, my legs tightening around his waist, my nails returning to his skin and wing up his back and tangling in his hair. I have no control and my body just reacts like an unleashed vixen. His hot breath against my neck as the pressure of his hands push into the mattress, making it dip by my head and I am lost in extreme waves of pleasure. Harder, faster, bodies moving in unison, moans and groans entwined as I cry out with every thrust closer to what feels like a huge orgasm building. ¡°Fuck ¡­ Emma ¡­ I¡¯m not going tost ¡­ This is too good.¡± He grunts into my neck and thrusts again; one hand grasps my hip, so he can increase the pressure of each movement. I can¡¯t hold on as the wave moves up over my body, my tingling senses igniting as it hits me right in the core and I completely unravel around him, my body exploding as spasms hit and I cry out in sheer ecstasy through stars and full body tingles. ¡°Oh, my god ¡­ Jake ¡­¡± I cry out, losing all control underneath his powerful form. He thrusts twice more, my body writhing with his and falls hard on top of me with a groan, muttering my name huskily as we both copse in contentpletion and interwoven bodies. Chapter 116 Chapter 116 I wake in the early morning light entangled in Jake¡¯s limbs and bed sheets, my body aching and heavy from everything he¡¯s done to me through the night. I can¡¯t help but smile at the memories, a warm blush traveling over my sensitive skin. If I had thought Jake had a high sex drive when dating his string of floozies, I have severely underestimated him. Last night, he¡¯d been addicted to my body, barely giving me time to recover. He¡¯d been true to his promise and brought me to dizzying heights of orgasm more than once with his expertise and confidence in pleasuring me. There is not a single inch of my skin he has not kissed or licked or massaged softly and I finally passed out from exhaustion, rather than his wavering libido. My brain too confuddled to function anymore. My Casanova is truly a master in the bedroom, with the confidence of a man who has no sexual inhibitions. I am literally glowing all over. Old Emma has been reborn. I manage to free myself from his arms and slide out without waking him, standing by the bed in all my glory to gaze at him for a moment. His beautiful body sprawled out, possessing the bed in the way he possessed me over and over. My heart swells to almost bursting and I know I¡¯m smiling like an idiot. My heart swelling to bursting. I love him more than words can ever express. His almost ck hair messily ruffled, his darkshes closed on wless tanned skin and that designer stubble, sexily hot against crisp white sheets. He looks like the cover of an erotica book, naked torso, and tattooed shoulders, carved in perfection and yet, he is all mine. It takes my breath away. How did I ever manage to get him? To win his heart? I must be dreaming. My head is still reeling over the fact that I¡¯m here, that I¡¯m with him. I¡¯m in his apartment after sharing his bed all night and that he told me so many times already that he loves me. Jake Carrero loves me ¡­ Emma Anderson, a nobody PA from a nothing existence. Jake Carrero ¡­ Infamous yboy heartbreaker, actually fell in love. With me¡­ Ti amo. Maybe I should learn Italian, just to understand the many pet names he bestowed on me now, I might understand just what he¡¯s calling me. I giggle inwardly to myself. I go to the bathroom to shower, so that I¡¯ll look fresh when he wakes up. The downside to a specimen like him is it makes me feel a little like an ugly duckling inparison, especially whenst night¡¯s make-up was first cried off and then sweated all over me through vigorous pursuits. I¡¯m sure my hair has seen better days and the fright awaiting me in the mirror is so not worthy of someone like Jake. I¡¯m tired and I should be asleep, but my body is hyper actively awake. Still tingling from his touch, his mouth, and his love making. I stand under the water, my head tilted up to the jets, so it blocks everything out. Noise, thought, bodily aches and just revel in the heat and pounding massage it gives me. For the first time in my life my thoughts arepletely nk and there¡¯s nothing. No doubts, no niggles, and insecurities, no memories or anything of the sort. I just feel at peace. Peaceful and something else, a small lifted weightlessness deep inside of me I can only describe as contentment. Who is this new person? There¡¯s a small draft behind me of the shower door opening and a grin spreads across my face immediately. I know his presence; I could feel him feet away without even trying. His handse around me from behind, his hard, chiseled body against my back as he joins me under the huge water jet, his mouth instantly on my neck teasing me gently as I surrender body and soul. ¡°Hey there, beautiful. Mind if I join you?¡± He sounds hoarse and tired but utterly adorable. ¡°Bitte for asking, don¡¯t you think?¡± I wiggle my butt into his groan, and he responds with vengeance, a hardening I cannot ignore. Despite the amount of times he¡¯s had me already, I also react, my insides clenching with desire as a heat rises within and I turn in his arms to capture his mouth, feeling brave, letting my hands run over him then push him back hard against the tiles andunch myself at him. He seems momentarily shocked then grins, his pupils dting almost instantly. He picks me up under the thighs, so my body wraps around him, every naked inch to every naked inch, walks me forward so my back is against freezing tiles and water is pouring over both of us. ¡°Better hold on, mio amore.¡± He sounds low and gruff, almost threatening. ¡°This is going to be memorable.¡± His eyes heavy with longing as I bite his lip and suck it in response and lose myself in his low groan. * * * N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. We¡¯reid out on his bed once more, loosely held in his arm as we both stare at the ceiling in companionable silence. For the first time in my life, I¡¯m content and truly happy. We¡¯re saying nothing, justying side by side, his hand twirling a strand of my hair and gazing up, finally sated and it feels like perfection. It only took half a dozen times, in as many hours, to stop him wanting to have sex every moment we stilled to catch our breath. My body is tingling in ways I never knew it could, embarrassment at being naked with him is gone, just sheer euphoria and exhaustion in its ce. Months of pent-up frustration finally being realized and now here we are,fortably silent and entwined as we recover. I can hear Nora in the kitchen making us lunch, it¡¯ste morning and the sounds of her nging pots and the low mumble of the television she has on somehow seems homely. The blinds are shut, the room still dim but everything feels right, like I¡¯m finally where I belong. Like I waited my whole life to find myself exactly here in this time and ce with him. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine anywhere else I would rather be right now,¡± he says softly, as though reading my mind, his eyesing to rest on my profile adoringly. ¡°Not missing your big-busted, casual sex then?¡± I tease, grinning like a Cheshire cat. He watches me, a smile moving across his mouth as he shakes his head. ¡°Not one of thempares to you in any way, Emma ¡­they never did, amante. Besides these are pretty big if you ask me.¡± He cups my breast, leans forward so our noses touch with a wicked gleam in his eye and brushes them together softly. I giggle and p his hand softly. ¡°You¡¯re my everything,¡± he soothes with serious intensity. ¡°No, Jake, you¡¯re mine,¡± I answer tenderly, my eyes filling with moisture at just how romantic my Casanova can be, he knows exactly what to say to me. That tugging ache going off inside of me again which I am starting to recognize as love pangs. ¡°Do you want toe somewhere with me today?¡± he asks, his eyes still locked on mine, unmoving. Our bodies linked at the legs and torso. Arms casually intertwined. ¡°An adventure? With you? How could I resist?¡± I smile genuinely, the longing to wrap myself around him again already rising in me as he leans in and kisses me on the mouth. Gently yet seductively enough to fill me with heat again. I¡¯ll never tire of this, never tire of his need to feel my lips on his, it¡¯s as though they were made to fit mine perfectly. ¡°I need to be with you. All of this seems like a dream ¡­ I¡¯m scared I¡¯ll wake up ¡­ I just want to take you out, away from here, away from a bed.¡± His eyes glint sexily. ¡°I want to feel like we¡¯re actually real ¡­ Not just sex.¡± ¡°You want to spend a day not having sex? Are you ill?¡± Iugh in disbelief, feeling his forehead for a temperature check. He slides a hand down under the sheets and cups me at the apex of my thighs to prove he¡¯s not sick. Then pulls away with a dirty look and a smirk. How he could even have anything left after thest few hours performance was beyond me. He seems shy and awkward suddenly, not a Jake trait at all as the humor drops away. ¡°I know it sounds stupid ¡­ But this whole serious thing ¡­ It¡¯s a long-forgotten memory, I need some practice at having a girlfriend. I¡¯m worried I may just keep you naked in my bed indefinitely, bambino.¡± He grins again,ing toy on top of me, his weight pressing me into the bed and he gently kisses me again, his fingers ying in my hair. ¡°I¡¯ve never really had to evaluate what a real rtionship was like; I have no idea what I¡¯m doing.¡± He leans his chin on my chest and looks up at me cutely with a face that could melt the most frozen of hearts. I am so besotted with his face. Chapter 117 Chapter 117 ¡°I never imagined you could be so cute. This is all new for me too, I was eighteen when Ist had a boyfriend and I never exactly had a steady or normal rtionship.¡± I smile down at him and stroke my fingertips across his ruffled hair. ¡°Uh-uh.¡± He covers my mouth with his palm in a sh move so I almost jump at the sudden contact. ¡°You were an untouched virgin who¡¯s never had a single boyfriend in her life, lived like a nun.¡± He moves over me so he¡¯s hovering above my head. ¡°I was your first everything and will be yourst everything, too.¡± The wicked look in his eyes doesn¡¯t fully cover that tiny hint of seriousness and I pull his hand off my mouth. Amused at this sh of jealous. ¡°So, it¡¯s okay for you to have been a man-whore, but I¡¯m a pure untouched maiden?¡± Iugh at him, shaking my head. ¡°I was a virgin too; all those girls were just all smoke and mirrors. I was keeping myself for you.¡± He grins and nuzzles my neck, pushing me back into the mess of pillows. ¡°Of course, they were, I totally believe you.¡± I shift under him so I can slide my legs open to amodate him and move them around his waist a little more easily, he settles on his elbows, coming down to watch my face. ¡°Completely true story. Scouts honor.¡± His face turns serious and he frowns at me a little. ¡°It¡¯s just us, the past doesn¡¯t matter, it never existed before this moment.¡± He sighs, eyes focused on mine. The hint of a little frown showing just how serious he is in this moment even while being yful. ¡°Nope ¡­ You can erase the past if you like, but not from this point! Reverse tost night on the dance floor and anything before then can get the giant push. I¡¯m keeping that memory forever.¡± I slide my arms around his neck, so I can pull him closer, the warmth of his breath fluttering across my naked cleavage and igniting desires I thought we exhausted. ¡°Actually, I think I may want to keep the hotel floor memory. It maybe wasn¡¯t our happy start, but it was something I never want to forget.¡± He nudges my nose with his as though asking if I agree and I don¡¯t have to hesitate. ¡°Fine. If we¡¯re picking and choosing memories, then I¡¯m keeping the boat kiss.¡± I lower my brows to show I mean business and narrow my eyes at him pointedly. ¡°Yeah, I want to keep that too, just not everything in between that and the hotel fuck.¡± He quirks an eyebrow and there¡¯s a cheeky glint in his eye, but I can only sigh. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°Please do not refer to what we do as that.¡± I roll my eyes, cringing at his constant use of the F word. ¡°As what? Fucking? Why not?¡± Heughs at me animatedly. ¡°Because it¡¯s a vulgar word and makes this sound so ¡­ So. Sordid!¡± ¡°I like fucking you.¡± He sucks a small area of neck and my toes curl in response despite trying to tell him off. ¡°Ruining the moment.¡± I mutter tly. ¡°Making love? Having sex ¡­ What about screwing?¡± he murmurs while distracting me with gentle nibbles heading south. ¡°Hmmm, yes, yes and no. Equally crass.¡± I close my eyes at the feel of his breath running down my neck, igniting tingles and shivers through every part of me. ¡°Jesus, Emma, there has to be some sordidness to our ¡­ Making love.¡± He sits up and looks me in the eye, halting his progress abruptly. ¡°See, there you go. Such a good boyfriend.¡± I smile up at him, patting him on the head like a puppy and he shimmies his groin into mine suggestively pulling a giggle from me. ¡°Easy to train, great! I feel so proud. Can we now go back to my previous subject? You know, now that¡¯s all cleared up.¡± He slides his hands around my wrists and pulls my arms over my head to pin them down gently. ¡°You want to take me on a date?¡± I reply with two raised eyebrows and wiggle to getfy in this pose. ¡°No ¡­ Dates are all I¡¯ve done for years, empty pointless things. I want to take you out. Something meaningful, I don¡¯t want to call it a date, that seems so far removed from how I feel, from what I think we have.¡± He¡¯s behaving so unsurely, like a nervous teen again, it only makes him more appealing. Who knew he had this side to him? ¡°So where to?¡± I ask coquettishly, fluttering myshes as I watch intently. He makes me feel sexy and yful and I like thistest version of me. His eyes fix on my face, lust moving back in as he seems transfixed on my mouth once more, automatically parting my lips at his focus, my breathing bing shallow at his expression of pure longing. Oh boy, is sex all we think about? ¡°I was thinking.¡± He clears his throat and pulls his gaze away from my mouth with a long pause as though it was hard to do ¡°¡­ The Caribbean ¡­ A yacht for some unfinished business.¡± He looks away, he obviously wants to get to the point without another sexual interlude and I nche at him. ¡°In a day?¡± Iugh in disbelief, breaking into a smile at how absurd that is. ¡°Okay, so maybe for a week, or three ¡­¡± He grins back at me, his eyes so clear and alluring in that sparkling green. ¡°I need to undo the memory of thest time we were there.¡± He kisses me tenderly again, my body heating under his expert mouth. His body shifts to fully pin me down and he brings his groin to mine so snugly she almost invites him in. ¡°I thought you just erased the past?¡± I smile up and wiggle my hips to get him to proceed with reuniting us down there. ¡°Okay, so maybe I just want to take my very serious girlfriend on holiday. Romantic time out ¡­ I like saying that ¡­ Girlfriend.¡± He sounds it out slowly and breaks into an adorable grin and I¡¯m rewarded with a firm kiss nted on the mouth. Jake seriously likes kissing. ¡°Don¡¯t you actually work anymore, Mr. Carrero?¡± I give him the innocent coy look that I¡¯m getting good at. Amused by him while so in love with him. ¡°Not much since I stupidly sent my PA away, I¡¯ve been worse than useless at my job ¡­ She¡¯s going to freak when I get her back in my office and she sees the chaos she¡¯s left in her wake.¡± ¡°Is she now?¡± I sigh at his admittance. ¡°What about your stand in? Was she no good?¡± I ask innocently, knowing fine well my mentor Margo has been back at his side while he was searching for a recement. Jake seems intent on twirling a strand of my hair now, softly tugging it across the pillow and ttening it out, fiddling. A tell-tale Carrero trait when he is uneasy in a topic of conversation, he fidgets like he needs a distraction. Who knew he could be this utterly cute? ¡°I think she probably hates me now; I¡¯ve been a nightmare of a boss ¡­ She threatened to throw me from the sixty-fifth floor window more than once. Told me to get my head out of my ass and get you back.¡± He grins again, only this time I catch that hint in his eye that he¡¯s only half joking. Another gentle kiss on my mouth like he can¡¯t stop doing it. I like kissing too. ¡°You were always a nightmare of a boss, grumpy ass, and very trying on my nerves ¡­ ¡­You really missed me that much?¡± I wiggle an arm free and prod him in the shoulder with a finger. He brings out the yful in me and I like it. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea, bambino, I felt like I¡¯d severed my own limbs¡­¡± He sighs. ¡°When I saw you in the lift that first time back in my building, it was the worst agony I¡¯ve ever felt ¡­ I wanted to say so much to you.¡± He presses his forehead to mine, our eyes meeting. Our conversation taking another serious turn and I forget all about sex when reminded of how much that hurt. ¡°All you said was my name, you barely looked my way.¡± I remember sadly, uttering from somewhere dark and try to shake it away. ¡°I couldn¡¯t formte the words; I definitely couldn¡¯t look at you. I felt like I was back in high school, nervous as hell, dying to just push you against that wall and kiss you until you surrendered to me. I could smell your perfume from the second I walked in. I could feel you in there without looking at you ¡­ I couldn¡¯t deny how much I was missing you, how good you looked, and it felt like shit.¡± His voice is raw as he recounts something just as painful for him. Tears catch in my throat because I felt the same way. I lean up and kiss him, letting my fingers trail across the perfect brows and down that sexy stubbled cheek as though to soothe us both. ¡°It felt that way for me too.¡± I breathe softly. ¡°I still didn¡¯t know how you really felt, it was the only thing holding me back ¡­ Kept telling myself I never had a chance with you. When I heard Rosalie tell Margo you were going to Europe, I thought I might actually explode. I couldn¡¯t just let you go.¡± He looks tortured and lost in the memory. ¡°Jake, it was always you,¡± I whisper gently. ¡°I was scared of how you felt, but I wanted you so much.¡± Being open with him is proving so much easier than I ever anticipated. The barriers between us finally gone, from the second he told me he loved me I let go. I let myself fallpletely into his trust. ¡°I didn¡¯t see it, miele. So many times, I got close and your wall mmed back up. I figured you didn¡¯t feel the way I did. That I was pushing you and you had no choice. The night we had sex I felt so confused after ¡­ I felt like you hadn¡¯t even consented. I tried to think it through a million times, trying to remember if I had just railroaded you into it.¡± He frowns, his eyes darkening with emotion and that hint of agony wounds me. Chapter 118 Chapter 118 ¡°I had wanted nothing else for so long.¡± I choke back tears. ¡°I was so scared I would just be another conquest ¡­ A good time ¡­ That I¡¯d lose you, my job, our friendship ¡­ I was terrified.¡± Tears blur my eyes and I choke on the lump forming in my throat. He leans up, brushing hair away from my face, tracing my mouth with his fingers carefully. ¡°I wish I¡¯d told you so many times how I really felt, I wish I had juste out and said I love you, Emma. I¡¯m in love with you.¡± His voice strained with emotion and my heart swells painfully. ¡°If I had, we could have avoided so much heartache. So much craziness between us.¡± His gaze holds so much regret I can¡¯t bear it. Jake really loves me. As much as I love him. Every time this realization hits me it takes my breath away and I want to pinch myself in case it¡¯s a dream. ¡°I was going to tell you the morning you sent me away.¡± I sigh wistfully, a single tear pooling in my eye before escaping. He frowns and lifts his head so he can use his fingers to smooth it away as it trails down my cheek. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me that ¡­ It makes me feel like shit knowing that.¡± He looks down at my throat and sighs heavily ¡°Really?¡± His eyes flickering back up full of question. ¡°Yes, really. The whole time you were telling me that I had to go, I was fighting with myself to say it to you, but when you looked at me, you were so cold I knew I couldn¡¯t. You didn¡¯t want me.¡± Tears fall freely down my cheeks, unleashed as he groans and presses his mouth to mine, kissing me thoroughly, removing the pain of the memory in one fell swoop before moving back to look at me again, his face fierce with raw emotion and so much turmoil. ¡°Emma, miele ¡­ I was dying inside ¡­ I thought it was always going to be me on one side wanting you and you on the other trying to keep me away. I did what I thought was best, so I could function and move on. I wanted you more than air. I needed you. I need you!¡± He kisses me again, trying to push away the sadness on my face. Mine his for the kissing with soft pecks to wipe away my tears and my sadness. ¡°Why did you send me the song on the dance floor ¡­ After everything?¡± I break in inquisitively; we¡¯ve never really talked openly about our feelings this way. We¡¯ve always skirted the issues, never communicated and I want it all now, I want every detail. I want to devour all the knowledge I can, to understand. Bask in his confessions, hear him talk about things I always believed to be different, that had kept us apart. I want to know what changed. Why then¡­ ¡°The way you looked at me ¡­ I know you ¡­ I saw the same broken heart I¡¯d seen in the mirror for weeks, that agony of wanting someone and thinking they¡¯ve rejected you. For a fleeting second, I saw it, I knew I had to ask you, but I had no words and I was scared to ask. When I watched you walk away, I thought about our songs. Ourst songs to each other and the song you sent. I¡¯d dismissed it as missing my friendship at the time.¡± He exhales heavily. ¡°You listened to it right there?¡± I giggle, but he shakes his head. ¡°I realized I couldn¡¯t because you were leaving, I panicked, I needed to stop you going. I¡¯d heard that song a million times on the radio that week, every time thinking of you ¡­ Figured what better way to ask how you felt. Take a chance even if you rejected me.¡± His mouth brushes mine again softly, achingly seductive as though with every touch he¡¯s trying to erase it all. ¡°I¡¯m d you did,¡± I whisper as his kiss deepens and my body begins to unfurl. He pulls away, brushing his mouth against mine once more, so delicately it tickles, making me smile. This, between us, it all feels so natural, so right, like we were always meant to be this way. ¡°Not as d as I am ¡­ I practically ran after you when you replied. Okay, maybe I did kinda run. Felt like all my Christmases hade at once. I think I must have shoved at least five important clients out of the way,¡± he mutters against my mouth, both of us breaking into bigger smiles, our breaths so close it¡¯s erotic. ¡°You¡¯re mine now ¡­ All of you ¡­ I get to touch and kiss you, any which way I want. No restrictions. No holding myself back. Anytime I want ¡­ It feels like heaven.¡± He kisses me on the nose this time, cooling the heat between us a little. He¡¯s trying not to escte things sexually and I¡¯m a tad disappointed, but I know he wants more, more than sex, more than a casual fling. He wants forever. ¡°We don¡¯t need to go away to have some romantic time, Jake.¡± I nestle in his arms, moving to get comfy, resigned with ¡®no sex¡¯ right now, even if I don¡¯t agree. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°Not this argument again, what is it with you and refusing my offers of holidays in the Caribbean?¡± He pins me down, an evil look flitting across his face. ¡°Don¡¯t make me torture you into a yes.¡± ¡°It¡¯s only torture if I don¡¯t like it,¡± I reply cheekily and push my mouth into his. If he isn¡¯t going to ignite this passion, then I sure will. I slide my hands around his neck bringing his mouth hard against mine, deepening the kiss and bravely pushing my tongue against his. He groans and surrenders, his body instantly molding to mine fully and I know he¡¯s done for. Chapter 119 Chapter 119 He buckles me into the passenger seat of his car, leaning in to kiss me tenderly once more, his green eyes alive and twinkling. Jake can¡¯t seem to stop kissing me and it¡¯s not like I canin, after a year of being crazy for him, I don¡¯t want him to stop. I¡¯ve not seen him this happy and carefree for a long time, since before the first time he ever kissed me. Had I really been torturing him all that time? My heart lurches at the thought as he closes my door andes around to slide into his sleek powerful car in an effortlessly graceful maneuver. ¡°Your ce for a change of clothing, I guess.¡± He runs his fingers down the thigh of my satin dress, his pupils dting. ¡°I forgot to tell you how amazing you look in this by the way. I practically passed out when I saw you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re so easy.¡± I giggle watching his lips part as he raises his eyebrow and winks at me ¡°Can¡¯t help it, bambino ¡­ You¡¯re sex on legs, and this dress only emphasized that fact.¡± He throws me his killer smile and starts the car. ¡°Maybe we¡¯ll get a rey of making out on the bo sometime soon.¡± He tilts his head toward me with a raised eyebrow and I shake mine in response with an added eye roll, a smile breaking across my face. Is this real? Is this really happening? We¡¯ve been together all morning, showered for a second time and managed to get clean that time, ate pancakes and bacon in bed and teased each other mercilessly. It¡¯s so easy and natural, it feels like we¡¯ve always been this way, devoid of awkwardness. All heartache forgotten, all the tension, fights, and stupid behavior. All of it had faded away as though we were never just boss and PA, or even just friends. It¡¯s well after noon and we were only now getting out of his building. ¡°We can¡¯t just hop on a jet to the Caribbean.¡± I point out since he hasn¡¯t dropped this subject yet. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure we can. I own a ne and a boat and thepany who employs you.¡± He pulls into traffic, the hum of his powerful car sending excitement through me, something about this car gives me thrills. I guess because it¡¯s so him ¡­ Powerful, sexy, expensive ¡­ A thrill of a ride in that almost trademark ck and the thought of it makes me redden. ¡°I hope whatever¡¯s making you blush is something I¡¯ve done in the past twelve hours, miele?¡± His hand comes to my thigh and he squeezes gently, his focus going quickly back to the road. ¡°It¡¯s the past twelve hours I¡¯m blushing about.¡± I smile back, our eyes lock longingly, I¡¯m overwhelmed by the strength in the electricity between us which has only grow stronger. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. Will it always be this way? Is it like this for everyone? ¡°It will only get better, be. Once I get to know what really turns you on ¡­ Just you wait and see.¡± I don¡¯t respond, just let the heat ride up from my thighs into my face, and I¡¯m biting my lip as the inner desires overtake me. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s possible for him to improve on anything he¡¯s done to me in the last few hours. ¡°I love you, Jake.¡± Ites from somewhere inside of me, so impulsively it even surprises me. Like it had to be said in that second. He turns to focus on me, his face happy, his fingeres to stroke my cheek delicately. ¡°I¡¯ll never tire of hearing that from you ¡­ Ti amo, bellezza.¡± I love you, beautiful. I am beginning to understand some of the things he says to me but too many times I have asked the question¡ªWhat? I love that Jake litters his affectionate terms with Italian words and he sometimes slips into fluent Italian sporadically, it¡¯s sexy as hell, even if most of the time I can only guess at what the meaning is. ¡°We¡¯re still not going to the Caribbean.¡± I point out stubbornly, ¡°We both have jobs, and I¡¯m sure my new boss won¡¯t be happy about my sudden sabbatical.¡± I try for stern, PA Emma tone and get halfway there. ¡°I¡¯m your new boss ¡­ Wilma will have no say.¡± that flicker of Jake dominance shining through but for once it doesn¡¯t annoy me, it excites me. We always did y the power game with one another, even when we got on well. Does Jake really want me back as his PA? How in the hell will that work? ¡°Do you think that¡¯s wise? Meing back?¡± I watch him maneuver the car confidently, my knees pressing together in anticipation of having those hands back on my skin. Impatient already. ¡°Do you think I would leave you down on Wilma¡¯s floor and hire some other woman to fly around the world with me to share cozy hotel rooms now?¡± He shes a knowing smile at me, and I get a severe jealousy twinge. He¡¯s right! I wouldn¡¯t like that at all, and I know Margo is only his temp stand in. He could hire anyone and have them by his side the way I had been. Someone small and blonde and sexy who wore tight ass skirts and stilettos while bending over her desk. No, I do not like that at all. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t find anyone as tolerant as me,¡± I mutter darkly, contemting some other woman sharing his room, suddenly overwhelmed with hostility. He grins, knowing his hint has worked and pokes me gently in the cheek. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want any other woman, Emma ¡­ Not anymore ¡­ Not ever again, my little green-eyed seductress.¡± The seriousness in his tone sends a thousand butterflies through me and he pinches my cheek yfully to kill my mood. I never, ever, imagined I would hear words like thoseing from Casanova Carrero¡¯s mouth, let alone his willingness to be with one woman in a real rtionship. I guess hell could freeze over after all. ¡°You don¡¯t think being together twenty-four seven will affect things?¡± I ask as doubt creeps in and a little tremor of anxiety hits. ¡°I was with you practically twenty-four seven before, and I felt like it wasn¡¯t enough, Emma ¡­ I wanted you around all the time, I wanted you in my bed. Look, miele, we can try this and if it starts affecting our rtionship, we¡¯ll sort something else out.¡± He nces at me again; I can tell that he¡¯s deadly serious and it kills further questioning; he¡¯s right. I need to stop over thinking everything, all the time. We don¡¯t know until we try anding back to work with him is more than I could ever ask for. I loved working with him every day, organizing his life. I missed all of it so badly. Somehow, knowing there would be no more leggy dates and separate bedrooms makes it seem even more exciting. I inhale deeply and grin at him widely, the urge to dive on him and kiss his mouth to death overtakes me but I steel it back inside. I guess this is what being in love is meant to feel like, a huge wave of euphoria and a severeck of hormonal control or ability to keep my hands off him. ¡°I¡¯m still saying no to the Caribbean.¡± I cock a brow at him; I at least need to pretend I have some say over things nowadays. ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± He¡¯s still watching the road with quick nces at his mirrors. It¡¯s his ¡®I know I¡¯ve made up my mind tone and I just need to make you see sense or bully you into it¡¯. I sigh and wonder what I¡¯ve let myself in for. I mean, really! ¡­ I know him better than most, he can be stubborn and overbearing, dominant, and sometimes terrifying. But he can also be protective, attentive, gentle, and so extremely sweet. ¡°We shall.¡± I challenge masterfully. He narrows his brows and looks at me in a way I¡¯ve never seen before, a cross between determination and lust and ¡®challenge epted¡¯ ¡°I¡¯ve new ways in which to bend your will to mine, neonata ¡­ New ways to torture you now that sexy body is no longer out of bounds ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t test my limits.¡± He grins wickedly, and I sense the veiled threat, catching my breath. Well, this is new for us. I¡¯ve never had the sexuallypetent Carrero make erotic promises of punishment and torture and actually mean it. My pulse quickens and I squirm in my seat, he¡¯s no idea how he can turn me on with a look and very few words. Or that his threat is more of a lure to behave badly. ¡°You don¡¯t intimidate me, Carrero ¡­ Bring it on,¡± I whisper seductively. Turning with a satisfied lick of my lips followed with a bite of my lower one, I smooth my hands up my thighs in a bid to get a reaction, only it¡¯s more extreme than I anticipate. He literally swerves into the side of the road, ms the brakes on, unclips my belt, and hauls me into hisp in a quick, effortless move, crushing our mouths together. I¡¯m forced into the smallest space ever, a window at my back and a steering wheel in the ribs, but his hands all over me are drowning out the difort and my mind reels at his assault. Chapter 120 Chapter 120 I¡¯m putty in his hands. He¡¯s showing me that with a kiss he owns me and it¡¯s working. I¡¯ve melted to a gooey puddle in hisp where he could literally strip me naked right now on the sidewalk and I wouldn¡¯t argue. He¡¯s uncovered my weakness for him in one night and he fully intends to utilize it. Jake has always had skills in maniption, so this doesn¡¯t surprise me in the slightest. He pulls his mouth from mine, keeping his hand around my jaw, holding us nose to nose ¡°We¡¯re going away for some time alone ¡­ We need it ¡­ I need this.¡± His voice is thick and husky, and he kisses me again before I can answer, pulling me back down into erotica, his tongue caressing mine until I feel like the longing will make me self-implode. His hand moves up under my dress finding what he¡¯s searching for, pulling my underwear aside and connects. I arch on hisp, gasping in pleasure, his mouth still on mine as I squirm. ¡°Say yes, bambino.¡± He breathes into my mouth, pushing his fingers inside me slowly, his thumb circling at the front deliciously. I wriggle and w at his shoulders, the sensation overwhelming me. Every part of my already sensitive womanhood is throbbing with pleasure. His fingertips gently circling and teasing until I¡¯m almost panting, almost begging. He withdraws, leaving me wanting and aching. ¡°Say yes.¡± He breathes again. The sensation is too extreme and too intense to fight, and I want more of it. I grasp his arm and try to force his hand back to its previous position, bite his lower lip in a bid to make him take me but he stays still, his eyes dark with lust. God this man is stubborn! ¡°This isn¡¯t fair,¡± I moan and grind into hisp trying to take control from him, but he only smiles. He¡¯s far better at this game than I¡¯ll ever be. I can feel his desire beneath me, hard and obvious but he¡¯s still as a statue, amusement on his face, making it clear he likes this version of Emma. ¡°One little word, miele, and I¡¯ll do whatever you want, I¡¯ll screw you right here in the car.¡± He smirks. Only Jake could make that the most appealing sentence in the world. I give in, saying, ¡°Yes,¡± loudly as I wrap my arms around his neck and falling into a passionate kiss, my inner self squealing out in ecstasy as his hand moves back inside me, and his other hand pulls down my bodice. I don¡¯t even care that he¡¯s just manipted me without effort, most likely starting a pattern for things toe now that he knows he can. * * * I try to right my dress when I¡¯m back in my own seat, pulling its skirt back down my body awkwardly, my face hot and I¡¯m sure I must be several shades of pink and red, my skin is glowing. Despite the tight confines of the car and invasive controls around us, Jake somehow managed to make good and made love to me in his car. Facing me forward to the front windscreen, sat in hisp with his arms around me, d of the heavily tinted windows. It was awkward but erotic and I ended up sprawled over his steering wheel gasping in the afterglow. I only then became self-conscious about our surroundings, relieved when I saw he put us in an empty alley, shaded by tall buildings on either side. He knew he was going to have sex with me as soon as he turned the car. The appearance of the condom a huge hint, the cheeky wink and grin confirmed he pre-nned my surrender to his way of thinking. I have no chance with him as a lover ¡­ I will never have any say in this life ever again. ¡°So ¡­ Guess we¡¯ll be going to yours to pack a case then, right?¡± He grins at me, leaning over to clip my seat belt back on, always obsessed with taking care of me as though I¡¯m incapable. He looks completely unaffected by what we¡¯ve just done, even his hair is still in ce while I shake my head at him ¡°Is this what life is going to be like? You decide something then use your ¡®sexpertize¡¯ to make me agree?¡± I gaze at him, trying to look unamused, but I can¡¯t stop smiling. ¡°Like you thought it would be any different?¡± He grins back, righting himself in his seat and pulling his belt on. ¡°Now make sure there¡¯s a lot of bikinis ¡­ We¡¯ll be solo this time, I doubt you¡¯ll need any actual clothes.¡± He winks and for some reason I know he means it ¡­ bikinis or naked, I can be sure that¡¯s how I¡¯ll end up if thest thirty minutes are anything to go by. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll have a three-week headache, darling ¡­¡± I reply haughtily, trying to keep the humor from my face. He has us back in traffic, moving on, his face animated and he shrugs. ¡°Bambino, best way to get rid of a headache is to have your hot Italian boyfriend sweat it out of you in various energetic positions.¡± He throws me a serious look with a raised brow. Arrogant sod! His ego is big enough for the both of us. Who am I kidding? It¡¯s one of the things that make him who he is; his confidence and directness and he knows it. Damn you, Carrero! * * * Sarah is home when we get to the apartment, she looks frantic and I¡¯m hit with instant guilt. My phone diedtest night, and I have been so absorbed in being with Jake I haven¡¯t even thought she would be worried. She looks us over in surprise then grins knowingly. I guess I still have that flushed, ¡®just been screwed,¡¯ look and with Jake¡¯s arm around my waist possessively, it pretty much tells her all she needs to know. ¡°Emma? Thank god! Well, I can call off the search party!¡± She grabs me in a hug and points a finger at Jake. ¡°You better be treating her right this time. Stopping all this nonsense and bullshit evasive behavior.¡± She waggles it at him, bringing her tiny frame to his in an overly aggressive manner. Jake raises his palms and tries not to smile. ¡°Like she¡¯s my Queen ¡­ She was a little too busy to think about phoning home, Mom.¡± He darts out of the way of her yful p and she turns to me instead.C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°I was worried about you. Next time a text to say ¡­ Oh I don¡¯t know ¡­ My boss stopped being a schmuck and finally hooked up with me.¡± I smooth back her stray hairs and try to fix her baggy shirt. She¡¯s obviously been in her nightshirt all day and pacing erratically. The old rtionship we had would have never seen her worrying about my absence this way, it¡¯s a little cute and I feel awful for this. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I really didn¡¯t think you would even notice. I won¡¯t do that again ¡­ Promise.¡± I hold up my girl guide oath, despite never being one and try for a smile. She res then shakes her head and resigns to a smile. ¡°Marcus said you would probably be away trying out some guy¡¯s bed springs¡ª¡± She snorts. ¡°Hey! ¡­ Less of the some guy. Jake cuts in, a frown creasing his brow as he moves tosso an arm around my neck and pulls me close, linking his hands in front of me. ¡°There¡¯s only one guy Emma will ever test bed springs with and that¡¯s yours truly. She¡¯s ady, a one guy kind of girl.¡± He frowns, a little grumpily. ¡°Marcus is an idiot.¡± I retort and look around for signs of him but find none. He¡¯s obviously at work. ¡°What about you, Carrero?¡± Sarah narrows her eyes and hunches forward to scrutinize Jake¡¯s face. ¡°Are you a one girl kinda guy now?¡± she interrogates almost menacingly; I stifle the urge tough at her protective mother hen routine. ¡°Scouts honor.¡± He holds up fingers in an attempt to make a scout¡¯s oath and fails. He was obviously never a scout. We share something else, a severe inability to get an oath right. He leans out to tweak her in the face and gets his handed batted away aggressively. ¡°I swear you better treat her like a queen. She doesn¡¯t tolerate side chicks or any of that nonsense you hear? You hurt her, and I''ll cut off your family jewels. I¡¯m a chef! Trust me I have big sharp knives and a lot of skill.¡± Sarah looks convincingly scary, so much that even I nche at her in rm. Where the heck has this little psycho been hiding? ¡°Look, tiny scary person, I love her. I told her so many times and I¡¯m telling you. No side chicks, I¡¯ll definitely be looking after her from here on in. You can stow the knives elsewhere, possibly in the back of the next guy who insinuates my girl has been sleeping around.¡± Jake shes her one of his Hollywood smiles and kisses me on the top of the head. Sarah seems satisfied, her manic expression drops and is reced by a weing smile and I sigh with relief and pull myself out of Jake¡¯s arms. Still a little wary of crazy girl though. ¡°I¡¯m going to get out of this dress and pack.¡± I lift the skirt from the floor, so I don¡¯t trip and start heading to my room. Jake moves to follow me, but Sarah¡¯s raised eyebrow ande-hither finger wiggle stops him. She obviously hasn¡¯t done talking to him yet and I throw him a supportive smile and gesture for him to stay, he looks like he might refuse, and I don¡¯t me him. Sarah has the air of ¡®Gestapo and torture methods¡¯ swarming from her in droves. I can also tell in a look he wants toe with me and continue what we did in the car. I need to get my stamina up living with him, I¡¯ll never get through a week at this rate. He¡¯s insatiable; I may not be the most experienced woman on the but even I know his hunger for sex isn¡¯t normal, or the ability to go at it as much. I wonder if this is his Italian blood or just Jake blood that makes him a sex addict with a stamina second to none. I can¡¯t reallyin, since knowing he loves me, I have be just as insatiable and it still shocks me. I never knew I had it in me or that it was even possible to even try to have it in me. * * * Chapter 121 Chapter 121 I start packing up my case, my phone on charge in its dock by my bed as I take my time and breathing space from Jake so I can think. He¡¯s like a tornado that devours everything in its wake when he¡¯s with you and sometimes I just need some time to process things more slowly. I¡¯m wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which skim my figure, Converse on my feet and a denim jacket. This is probably the most casual he¡¯s ever seen me other than my gym attire, but for some reason, I like being this way around him. So far removed from the Emma he met a year ago who didn¡¯t even own jeans at all, so he has to see how much he¡¯s changed me. I want him to see how different I want to be with him. My hair alone is a huge deal, changed from long, sleek, and always tied back immactely, to short and wild waves hanging just under my jaw, blonde highlighted which makes me seem young and carefree. I catch sight of myself in the mirror, free of make-up. He¡¯s seen me this way before, in hotels early morning,te at night, but I look different to me. My skin rosy, my eyes softer blue, my lips stained pink from being kissed endlessly. I am happy and almost beautiful. Even for me to see, it¡¯s amazing. Love really changed you. I pick up my phone, now it¡¯s charged, and call Wilma Munro knowing this has to be done. ¡°Emma, darling ¡­ I didn¡¯t expect to hear from you today.¡± She sounds overjoyed and it makes my heart sink because I really do like this woman. I¡¯ll miss working beside her even though it¡¯s only been a couple of weeks. ¡°Wilma ¡­ Hey ¡­¡± I sound as awkward as I feel. ¡°I need to tell you something.¡± I hesitate, knowing I should get straight to the point. ¡°I already know ¡­ I¡¯m really happy for you, honestly. The sixty-fifth is getting a great asset back.¡± She beams down the phone and I hesitate as I catch my breath. ¡°How?¡± I¡¯m confused as hell. ¡°Oh, honey, you and Jake are the talk of the building. Apparently, his storming over and kissing you passionately in front of a few hundred people will do that ¡­ Besides, he called me about twenty minutes ago.¡± I can almost hear her smiling and I resist the urge to facepalm at my own dumbness. ¡°He did?¡± I¡¯m beyond speechless. I don¡¯t even want to start contemting the public disy we put on and what gossip will be doing the rounds about it right now. Why do these things always shock me? I know him ¡­ I should have known this. Eternal domineering boss mode. ¡°Yes, he told me that you¡¯re being rehired as his PA effective as of this morning and you¡¯lle see me when you get back from a little trip.¡± She sounds positively ecstatic, despite losing an employee. ¡°Right,¡± I say floundering, heat in my face. I¡¯m kind of lost for words that he¡¯s always one step ahead. I really need to get my man to stop doing this crap to me ¡°Okay, I guess I¡¯ll see you on my return ¡­ Right?¡± I reply softly, there¡¯s so much more I want to say, she deserves more after listening to my woes and being my shoulder to cry on. I want to say more but I can¡¯t find the words. ¡°Just tell me, Emma ¡­ Did he tell you he loved you yet?¡± she asks cheekily, and I blush and smile despite myself. ¡°Endlessly.¡± Iugh, and she joins me. ¡°Good, thought he might. Was pretty obvious by the way he stormed into my office a couple days ago, demanding to know where you were. Just remember my invite to the wedding.¡± Sheughs again. ¡°I better go, dear, I¡¯ve some irate man in a suit ring at me.¡± We say our goodbyes and she hangs up. I don¡¯t know whether tough, cry, or be angry at Jake, either way, I am relieved that Wilma isn¡¯t upset about my departure. My door opens and Jake strolls in, as though it¡¯s the most natural thing in the world. All anger dissipates when I see him, his jeans, white T-shirt sculpted to his body and leather jacket make me weak. Effortlessly Hollywood. I bite my lip as I try not to fall into a daydream about the things he does to me. ¡°Ready? You¡¯ve been an age, baby.¡± His all too perfect smile shes my way, spying the case, he moves forward to pick it up and checks for my passport and iPad inside. I stand watching him, bemused. He walks over to my bedside table and lifts a couple of books I¡¯m in the process of reading and slides them into my case along with my phone which is now on the bed. ¡°Need any help there?¡± I ask with augh. Fairly sure he could have packed my clothes too at this rate. ¡°Toiletries?¡± He raises an eyebrow, ignoring my sarcasm as I steadily watch him with the overwhelming desire to sigh at him. Nothing he does should surprise me. ¡°In the case,¡± I reply ndly. ¡°Sexy lingerie? You know that corset thing I spied way back when I helped you clear out your clothes?¡± He looks me up and down. I guess it¡¯s been on his mind since then and that thought pleases me, the fact he still remembers, and I¡¯ve never actually worn it. ¡°In the drawer.¡± I point at the dresser and go to move past him, but I halt as he yanks it open, empties the entire contents into my case. ¡°What are you doing?¡± I ask,ughing at him in surprise as he attempts to pad them down to fit. ¡°I think, as your boyfriend, I should know every piece of your underwear intimately ¡­ For future gift buying.¡± He smirks and closes the case, pushing it closed to conceal the bulge. ¡°You can model it for me when we get to the boat ¡­ I think I should get a job as your un-dresser.¡± I sigh this time and can only shake my head. What the hell am I going to do with him? I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll be getting much of a tan on this yacht break. I¡¯m starting to think keeping me in a bed as a sex ve has been his n all along. And he said he wanted to take me away so our rtionship would be more than sex! I¡¯m starting to wonder if he¡¯s capable of that at all. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. He stops by my oversized bear and frowns at him. ¡°You won me him in Las Vegas. He¡¯s called Joey.¡± I remind him, following his death re with amusement. ¡°You¡¯ve been sharing your bed with this fe?¡± he asks seriously. I can¡¯t see any humor in his eye but he¡¯s obviously not being serious. ¡°I have.¡± I smile demurely and wink at Joey for added effect. He picks the bear up by the throat rather aggressively. ¡°By the time wee back, buddy, I want to find that you¡¯ve moved back into the wardrobe or there¡¯ll be hell to pay ¡­ I share her bed now ¡­ I¡¯m the only guy she¡¯ll be cuddling up with.¡± He grins at me and throws the bear across the room at my door in grand fashion and I watch as it slumps ungracefully into an unloved heap. ¡°Poor teddy, he never did anything wrong ¡­ A perfect gentleman every night.¡± I pout. ¡°I never took you for the jealous type.¡± I poke at him, but he drops my bag, grabs my hand, and pulls me into his embrace. ¡°I¡¯m not the jealous type ¡­ I wasn¡¯t ¡­ But with you ¡­ ¡­ Maybe.¡± He kisses me firmly, my body melting to his. ¡°Just don¡¯t turn cray-cray on my ass ¡­ I don¡¯t mind jealous as long as you don¡¯t take a lighter to my teddy bear.¡± I giggle only his face turns serious momentarily, leaning back to look at me with mock dead pan focus. ¡°Don¡¯t put ideas in my head.¡± He catches me with a swift kiss then turns me in a twirl and pats my butt to get me moving before scooping up my case. ¡°You don¡¯t need any encouragement.¡± I flutter myshes back at him. Catching my face in his free hand, he squeezes my cheeks slightly, so my lips pucker up. ¡°You¡¯re just so freaking cute. I could eat this face.¡± He leans in, nibbles my lip, then kisses me on the nose amid my giggles and protests. Sarah meets me in the hall and gives me a huge cuddle as she adorns me with all her departing advice, obviously brought up to speed by Jake about our little holiday. Be safe, don¡¯t drink too much, don¡¯t sleep in the sun, send her updates. I smile and peck her on the cheek. A little overwhelmed with the speed in which this is happening. Such is life with Jake, and I should be used to the whirlwind that he is by now. ¡°Don¡¯t let Marcus sleep in my bed when you have a fight ¡­ Jake may take a blow torch to him; I think he just killed my teddy bear.¡± I pass her with a pat on the head and move toward the front door. ¡°What can I say?¡± He shrugs at Sarah leaning down to nt an unexpected kiss on her cheek, she looks surprised and flushes. ¡°Dirty fur-ball had been sleeping with my girl.¡± She waves us off amid a flurry of giggles and I roll my eyes at him. Leading the way out of the front door and pulling it closed behind him when he gets out beside me. ¡°You can stop torturing girls wherever we go, Casanova ¡­ I know you get your kicks out of the reaction, but your new ¡®girl¡¯ might have reason to start feeling jealous.¡± I mean it light-heartedly but somehow ites out more serious than I intended, insecure Emma wing free and I hate that I just doubted my best friend. He pushes my bag under his arm with one hand and grabs me with the other, catching my wrist and hauling me back to him. Chapter 122 Chapter 122 ¡°She gave me some good advice while you took about three hours to get ready¡­. I didn¡¯t want a reaction, miele, I was grateful. I¡¯ll never make you jealous either. I¡¯m sorry, baby.¡± He kisses me, breaking away to rub his nose against mine, a little show of affection that I¡¯m getting fond of. ¡°I don¡¯t have any interest in getting reactions from other women ¡­ Only you.¡± I smile up at him shyly; he always knows just what to say to me and that inner anxiety fades away, reced with a sudden desire to curl around him and squeeze tightly. ¡°What advice did she give you?¡± I question softly, my arms finding his waist even though we¡¯re still standing at the top of the stair in my apartment building. His mouth staying close to mine. ¡°To remember how easy it is for you to hide behind that wall when you¡¯re scared ¡­ To never let it stand between us again.¡± He kisses my forehead softly. ¡°She reminded me that despite seeming like you¡¯re always in control and capable, deep down you¡¯re that same kid from Chicago who learned to keep people out. No one protected you ¡­¡­ But I¡¯m here now and I¡¯ll always look after you, il mio amore.¡± He kisses me again, slowly, more deliberately, sending my heart into a fluttering mess as I be putty in his hands. ¡°I know you will,¡± I answer honestly, my mind casting back to Ray Vanquis and his admission that Ray was gone from my mother¡¯s life for good. He smiles at me, locking eyes, before pulling me after him down to the car in the street below. Some teenagers are gathered around admiring it and stand back in awe when he opens the door and throws my bag into the tiny rear seats. Jake gives the kids money and thanks them for watching his car while there are smiles and high fives all around. One of them whispers loudly that he knows who he is, and they all seem to flush. I notice he¡¯s given them each a fifty and almost balk at it. Kids from around here aren¡¯t exactly well-off, he probably just made their month. Easiest way to spend a few hundred bucks. Something I¡¯ll never get used to with him is thisplete disregard over money. They stand back in admiration to watch us drive off. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. Less than an hourter we¡¯re at the airport boarding Jake¡¯s private jet with all our bags in tow. This has happened so fast, I¡¯ve barely had time to think, let alone breathe. I feel like I¡¯m running away from work, from life, from everything and taking a time out in some fantasy romance novel with a millionaire who can pull strings like no other. I should be used to this side of him, we used to take business trips at the drop of a hat and to him this is no different. To me, this is craziness. My whole world has been upended overnight. Jake pulls me up the steps and leads me into the jet with him, a sense of familiarity that feels so good. I missed this ne, I missed everything that was a part of him, of being with him. I missed our trips together. He guides me to a window seat and slides in next to me,ying a hand on myp with a smile and another kiss. Jake¡¯s constant kissing is starting to be my normal, but it still catches me by surprise how demonstrative he can be, I¡¯ll never tire of it. With hugging, hand holding, affectionate gestures, and constant verbal praise, I never imagined he would be this way. I never saw it with any of the women he hauled along or went out with, they were the ones who always clung to him, pushed him for a kiss or a hand to hold, always trying to get affection from him. He always seemed aloof and overly polite with them. He shifts in his chair retrieving his phone from his pocket and looks down at the vibrating gadget, a frown of frustration crosses his face. He nces at me, a fleeting moment of doubt but then answers hesitantly. ¡°Marissa ¡­ How can I help you?¡± he sounds tense and nces my way warily, obviously watching for my reaction. My stomach drops and I turn away to look out the window and bite my lip in vain. I won¡¯t let him see me upset over this. She had to surface at some point, I couldn¡¯t go on pretending she didn¡¯t exist. His hand finds mine on myp and pulls it back to him, entwining our fingers gently and giving me much needed attention and reassurance. My caring boyfriend. Who knew that Casanova could be this attentive? So in tune with me he knows when I need his touch. ¡°I won¡¯t be here for the next couple of weeks, so that will be a no.¡± He seems irritated. I try not to listen and lean my face against the window instead, concentrating on watching the airfield while the crew load our luggage and get ready to take-off, the door is still open, and I have the urge to get up and go outside until he¡¯s off the phone. ¡°Look, I told you ¡­ No, I did ¡­ I¡¯ll be there at the end of the month ¡­ You¡¯re the one who doesn¡¯t want me at the other appointments ¡­ Because I¡¯m noting to see you. There¡¯s no reason toe more often.¡± He snaps. ¡°OK, Marissa, I need to go ¡­ I¡¯m taking my girlfriend on a break ¡­ Emma! Fuck off, Marissa. Just hang up before you say something you¡¯ll regret.¡± He disconnects angrily and throws his phone across the aisle at another seat with surprising uracy and aim, that fiery temper of his has seen many cells hurtling this way. He turns to me and tugs my hand, so I nce at him, seeing he looks worried when I face him, and it melts some of my iciness. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, bambino. I didn¡¯t expect her to call.¡± He leans down, rubbing his nose against mine, catching my chin with his hand and tugging my mouth open a little so he can kiss me tenderly. I respond, trying to forget my upset in the midst of his touch as I hear the click of the door being shut and pull back to look past him. We¡¯ll be taking off soon, so I move to fasten my seatbelt. ¡°You don¡¯t want to talk about this?¡± he asks warily, watching me, but I just shrug and tend to my belt. What is there to talk about? I don¡¯t want there to even be a situation with Marissa, but there¡¯s nothing I can do about it. ¡°What¡¯s there to say?¡± I finally answer because his eyes are boring into me and he hasn¡¯t moved. ¡°You haven¡¯t even asked for updates ¡­ What¡¯s expected of me before the babyes.¡± He¡¯s walking on eggshells trying to gauge my reaction and I look away as the tears rise inside of me. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever feel able to talk about this. ¡°What is happening?¡± I mutter softly, only because I feel he wants me to. He senses my distance and sits back, he knows Emma in closed down mode, knows when to step off a little. I may be improved Emma nowadays but it¡¯s early days and easy to revert to kind. Although Jake seems to be in new and improved mode too, and instead of old Jake pushing me for answers, he¡¯s being gentle. ¡°I need to fly to LA once a month ¡­ Go to antenatal sses with her as she wants me at the birth.¡± He shifts, making the seat creak with his weight, and turns toward me so he can watch my profile a little better. I continue to stare out of the window, trying to detach myself from this conversation. Distancing myself from the pain that¡¯s wing up inside me and strangling my soul. ¡°She doesn¡¯t want me at any of the medical appointments, scans et cetera, just the sses ¡­ Every four weeks for the next six months, then fortnightly until the babyes.¡± ¡°LA?¡± I repeat in surprise,st I knew, Marissa lived in New York. Location seems like a safe topic, but also one that annoys me. He¡¯ll have to go there once a month to see her. ¡°Yeah, she headed out there after we came back. She¡¯s got a condo that she¡¯s living in ¡­ It means though, that when I fly there, I¡¯ll need to stay over one night for the ss and head home next day.¡± He nces down at my hands, seeing it held loosely drops it. I hadn¡¯t realized I¡¯d let go of my grip on his and instead he slides an arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward him. ¡°Talk to me.¡± He pleads a little desperately. ¡°I am ¡­¡± I start but his look stops me, furrowing his brows and I swallow down the pain. ¡°You¡¯re asking questions ¡­ Not really telling me what you¡¯re thinking, baby.¡± He chides softly. ¡°I want to know how all of this is making you feel. I want to know if my going to see her will upset you.¡± He sighs. ¡°You¡¯ve never told me how you feel about there even being a baby.¡± I turn my face away and hold down everything because talking about this is too hard. If I tell him how I really feel, what then? It¡¯s not exactly good ¡­ And then he¡¯ll know how much I hate this. All I can manage is a shrug, the words too painful to spit out but he sighs and squeezes me a little tighter. ¡°You know the old me would have been pissed at this ¡­ You going silent and brushing it off. Acting like you¡¯re bored and don¡¯t care ¡­ I now realize that this version of you is when you¡¯re hurting the most, miele. You don¡¯t need to say it, Emma, it¡¯s pretty clear that you¡¯re distraught over this whole situation. It¡¯s okay to not be fine with this ¡­ I¡¯m not fine with it either.¡± Chapter 123 Chapter 123 He pulls me tighter; his mouthing to my temple and presses softly. Exhaling warm air across my skin soothingly. I¡¯m beyond not fine. I¡¯m devastated. She¡¯s the thorn in my happily ever after that just ruins everything. ¡°This is thest thing I ever wanted. I want you and I want to just have us and a clear future ¡­ This shit with Marissaplicates things but all I can do is try to do the right thing at the same time as trying to make you feel better about it.¡± His nose brushes the side of my face as he ces a gentle kiss on my temple again, over my hair. I rx slightly, as always, his touch soothing me even when my hearts shredding. ¡°I hate it,¡± I utter softly, finally. ¡°I hate her.¡± The tears fill my eyes bitterly and he turns my face to him by holding my chin,ing close enough to inhale me. ¡°You¡¯ll never have anything to be worried about when ites to her ¡­¡­ I choose you; I¡¯ll always choose you ¡­ She¡¯s my past, I¡¯m only putting up with her for the sake of this kid. If I had a choice, she would be nothing to do with my life at all. Our life.¡± He soothes me huskily. ¡°Why did you even go back to her?¡± I search his face imploringly, I¡¯ve never understood it; he told me it was a drunken mistake, but I know how safety conscious he is when ites to sex, he always carries protection. I ordered him bulk amounts to his apartment in the past. He also had his heart broken by this woman when he was a teenager and spent years after unable tomit to any girl because of her. It makes no sense to me that he would be able to spend just one night with her. ¡°Honestly? I don¡¯t even remember it ¡­ I¡¯m not saying that to make you feel better, I¡¯m serious. I went to a party with Daniel and some guys I know, I was already far too drunk. I don¡¯t even remember seeing her there, but I woke up in a strange bed beside her. I left. She hounded me for days after and I told her to forget it.¡± He shrugs, sighing, and holds me firmly. I should have known his rich, party-wild, idiot best friend would have been involved in him getting so drunk he couldn¡¯t see straight. ¡°You don¡¯t remember any of it at all?¡± I question dubiously. I¡¯ve seen Jake really drunk and he always seemed to remember most of his nights, regardless. ¡°Seriously, Emma. I swear ¡­ You¡¯ve never seen me as drunk as I can get. Last thing I can actually remember is downing shots with Daniel then waking up feeling like an elephant had stomped on my head and there she was, lying beside me. I felt like an idiot and got out of there as quickly as I could. I didn¡¯t even wake her to say see ya!¡± His frown deepens as he tries to keep my eyes on his. I could imagine Casanova Carrero high tailing it without a backward nce, he hadn¡¯t been shy about telling women he wasn¡¯t interested. ¡°This was before the boat?¡± I ask, thinking back to her behavior and the way she kept trying to make eyes at him, some unspoken message. ¡°Yes ¡­ And, no. I didn¡¯t know she would be Vincent¡¯s date on the boat. I never invited her. When she showed up, I wanted to dump her ass over the side. I already knew I had feelings for you by then, she was thest thing I needed around, she manipted being there because I wasn¡¯t returning her calls.¡± I stare pensively at the front of the ne aware we¡¯re already climbing in the air so I un-click my belt and stretch out taking a deep breath. ¡°I didn¡¯t like her from the second I met her.¡± I shrug ¡°There¡¯s something about her.¡± ¡°Most of that is show on her part, she can be okay sometimes. Used to be anyway, we haven¡¯t exactly been friends for a long time.¡± He pushes his arm further behind me, his other scooping my legs and lifts me onto hisp with a quick effortless movement. He sits me sideways across him, cradling me close so we¡¯re nose to nose. ¡°I love you. I¡¯m not hung up on my ex ¡­ I didn¡¯t have sex with her because of any unfinished business, closure, or feelings that still linger. It¡¯s only you ¡­ It will always only be you. She¡¯s only in my life now because of circumstances and she would be gone in a second if there was no baby.¡± He holds me close so we¡¯re forehead to forehead, I smile despite the pain in my chest and the doubts of insecurity within me. ¡°You always know what to say.¡± My fingers trace his chiseled jaw, across the roughness of his stubble and seductive lips softly. Findingfort and cooling the inner turmoil. ¡°It¡¯s easy with you ¡­ It¡¯s always been easy with you. I can tell you anything.¡± He kisses me lightly, yet I experience only pain constrict across my chest, guilt rises inside of me and tears begin to fall involuntarily ¡°Hey, hey ¡­ bambino? What is it? ¡­ Don¡¯t cry.¡± His handes up to smooth away the tears, his expression concerned as he cuddles me closely. ¡°I know I¡¯m really useless at talking, it just feels so one-sided. You¡¯re giving me so much and I m up, the words won¡¯te.¡± I bury my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around him tightly, afraid he will disappear, clinging on like he¡¯s a life raft. His armse around me snugly, hauling me as close to him as humanly possible. ¡°When we were apart, I did a lot of thinking ¡­ How hard it was for you to tell me things, how much of a big deal it was that you told me the things you did. It still is. I know how much of an ass I was being, I talked to my mom a great deal after Sophie ¡­ Gained some insight into why you¡¯re both this way. I¡¯m not expecting miracles miele. I know I need to be patient and not push you. You¡¯ll open up in time, it¡¯ll be worth the wait when you do.¡± He soothes softly. ¡°What if I can never tell you everything? Some of it¡¯s too hard ¡­ Too shameful.¡± I cry against his T-shirt, dampening it slightly as his hands caress up and down my back, trying tofort me. ¡°Then I¡¯ll live with it ¡­ Nothing that ever happened to you will change how I feel, it doesn¡¯t change who you are to me.¡± He strokes my hair, his face pressed against it. ¡°Knowing there are things which haunt you, be, they make me so angry. I want to be the one to take them away, I¡¯ll always protect you.¡± His voice is raspier, a hint of raw emotion which causes me to lift my chin back to face him. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. I search out his mouth fiercely, crushing mine against it and meeting no resistance, his handse around my body and then head possessively. He deepens the kiss, pulling me hard against his chest, searing into instant heat. Panting, I pull away, desire flooding me and caress his erection suggestively, but he just grins back. ¡°As much as I want this right now, I¡¯m pretty sure one of the flight crew will walk back here.¡± He smiles, hovering close and covers my hand over his crotch. ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± I reply defiantly, catching the gleam in his eye, his lips parting and I wiggle my fingers free to continue feeling him out. ¡°And I thought I was the wild and naughty one.¡± He grins, needing no more encouragement. Lifting me up, he pulls my legs over, so I straddle him on the seat. He moves me back, so he can unzip his pants and then slides my dress up my thighs. ¡°I love this side of you, bambino ¡­ My cute and sexy little wildcat. Who knew once I thawed out the icy exterior, I would find such a fiery little number?¡± ¡°You bring it out in me, with all this crazy Italian hotness.¡± I poke him in the cheek and give him a puckered air kiss. Watching the way he dips his brows, frowning with a smile, which I¡¯m starting to realize is his, you¡¯re too cute for words look. God, he makes me horny. ¡°Better make this quick then; can¡¯t disappoint my girlfriend.¡± He grins and pulls me down for another skin scorching kiss. * * * ¡°Wake up, bambino ¡­ We¡¯re almost there.¡± Jake¡¯s mouth hovers over mine, his breath soft on my skin. I yawn and stretch out in the seat beside him, confused that I¡¯m in a car and not the ne, I look up and around quickly as I sit up fast. ¡°How the ¡­?¡± I¡¯m seriously confused, we¡¯re in a limo and the scenery outside is tropical. ¡°You fell asleep on myp, I carried you to the car ¡­ We¡¯ll be at the port in a couple of minutes.¡± He smiles at me, stroking back my hair from my face. ¡°You look beautiful when you sleep, bambino. Completely at peace and cute as a button¡±. My face heats as the blush rises up and I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m always taken by surprise when Jake is being so sweet, so non-Carrero. I knew he could be this way even when I was only his PA, but he¡¯s definitely upped the ante since telling me he loved me. Fewer sexual references and more adorable ones, he makes me feel desirable and beautiful, like I¡¯m floating on top of the world. Chapter 124 Chapter 124 As for sleeping in peace, I learned a long time ago that sleeping anywhere near him put an end to my night terrors. I don¡¯t wake with dark shadows looming over me when he¡¯s close by, protecting me, even in my dreams. ¡°Are we in the Caribbean already?¡± I rub my eyes and sit up in the seat to look out the window, despite the air conditioning blowing on full, I can tell we¡¯re in warmer climates, there¡¯s a stuffiness in the car. ¡°It¡¯s only a four-hour flight, the yacht¡¯s already docked here; my father likes toe out here a lot, so the boat has permanent moorings.¡± He hauls me back to him, pulling me into an embrace. ¡°I missed you while you were sleeping.¡± He grins before sinking a kiss on me that fully wakens me up. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. Will this burning desire he ignites ever calm down, I feel like I may self-implode every time his lips meet mine. Moving against him fully, absorbing myself into the sensation of his kiss, his handse up around my face and tangle in my hair. We always seem to ignite the passion quickly. He pulls away to lock eyes with me once more simmering the heat between us a little. ¡°I never ever told you how much I love your hair ¡­ I could run my fingers through it like this for an eternity.¡± He smiles softly again, melting thest ounces of me and I beam back. The cares to a slow stop as I smile and flick my hands through the short waves with a wink. Cutting it had been the biggest change of all and now obviously one of my favorites. ¡°We¡¯re here.¡± He nods out with a raised brow, before turning to slide out of the car. He helps me out after him, the sun immediately blinds me as heat engulfs us, the familiar slide of his shadese down on my face. The movement, so normal, so typical boss Carrero, makes me grin and hug him like a child. This tiny detail and mannerism so vacant in my life ofte, it makes me stupidly ecstatic. He drapes his arm around my back and walks me out into the port, leading me along the concrete walkway past some expensive looking boats until wee to the familiar Rosalina. A beautiful, long, white yacht belonging to his family. A boat that held only heartbreak for me thest time we were here when he left me alone and I shiver at the memory. He¡¯d gone off with god knows how many women to put distance between us, to try to forget how he felt about me. As though sensing my memories, he kisses me on top of the head and gives me a squeeze. ¡°Erasing the past ¡­ Remember?¡± He nudges me, and leads me on board by the hand, fingers intertwined like they belong together. Thest few days have been like some sort of erotic fantasy with endless days of sex, sunbathing, and frolicking in the sea. We¡¯ve been wrapped up like a couple on their honeymoon with only eyes for each other. He was right abouting away, we needed this time to just be together, to just get used to our new roles as a couple and no longer fighting our feelings. Time to heal the hurt. It¡¯s been more about bonding and gettingfortable, talking through the misunderstandings, and just learning to co-exist in a new dynamic. Uninterrupted, eyes only for each other time, just to be. We¡¯ve been swimming, sunbathing, and reading, eating on the loungers on the upper deck and rarely leaving the close proximity of our bedroom. The staff have given us space and it feels like we¡¯re on the cruiser alone. I guess Jake has given orders that we¡¯re to be left in peace as some forewarning since he tends to have sex wherever he sees fit and I think we¡¯ve christened every sun lounger, t space on deck, and most of the rooms on the boat. As I¡¯vee to learn, Jake¡¯s sex drive is never fading, it has kept us upte almost every night and in bed untilte every morning. He¡¯s made love to me several times every day, until my body constantly tingles and glows with his attentions. I never knew it could feel this way, be this way. That someone could make me believe I am so desirable and beautiful or that I could trust a man enough to let him do any of this to me. I never knew that I¡¯d have any reason to like that he had a past like his, littered with affairs and constant one-night stands, but now I see the benefits of it. Years of honing skills and now I¡¯m reaping the rewards with apetent lover. He¡¯s shown me so many ways in which I can be pleasured, hisck of inhibition at trying things out, his superior confidence at being able to pleasure the female body. He¡¯s taught me so much in such a short time, taking me forward into my own journey of sexual awakening, trusting him more than I ever thought capable, and finding the confidence of being in my own skin. He has a way of taking away my awkwardness, my shyness, and recing it with a hot, wanton, version of myself who wants to be adventurous. I¡¯m flowering beneath his capable hands,ing into my own, learning new things, and growing within myself. Finally putting part of my past to bed in ways I never thought I could , but it¡¯s because of him. The trust and love I have for him is making me capable of it, he¡¯s healing me just by loving me. Our rtionship hase on so much further than I imagined it could. Talking endlessly about things we like, things we hate, small talk, and general life. Even before, when I thought we were the closest friends, we never had the conversations orughs that we¡¯ve had thest few days. We talk about the vaguest things,ugh at each other¡¯sme jokes, and have grown so much closer than I ever thought possible. I feel like I¡¯ve finally got to know him in ways that had been denied me previously, that inner working of his mind and how he feels truly. I¡¯ve learned that Jake isn¡¯t all of the Mr. Confident he portrays, and his humor is sometimes used to cover what he¡¯s really feeling. All those endless jokes and sexual innuendos were his way of testing the waters, probing to see if I loved him back. The childish part of him, I sometimes see, which is so at odds with the alpha male everyone else sees there. He has insecurities about love, about himself, but he always seems able to shrug them down, ignores them for the most part and lets his stubborn nature tramp all over them. Letting me in, letting us happen has opened a whole new side to him, a vulnerable and scared side, the part of him who was too afraid to tell me he loved me, and it makes me want him all the more. We¡¯re not so different after all. Jake has opened up about things that I never knew, never shy at being honest with me and coaxing me to question him on anything I want to know. I¡¯ve met the gentle, attentive lover, the guy who¡¯s forever touching me, cuddling, holding hands, and kissing. With me he¡¯s patient, never pushes me to talk about things anymore, giving me time to just let it happen and not saying anything when I can¡¯t. He tells me he knows it will take time, and for now I¡¯m floating in the clouds. * * * Chapter 125 Chapter 125 It¡¯ste afternoon, I¡¯m pacing on the upper deck in a mix of agitation, upset, and anger. A turmoil of emotions and I want to scream. ¡°I¡¯m not talking to you!¡± I pout childishly, rage beginning to grow inside of me at his confession. Turning away from him on the main deck of the boat, I pull my sarong tightly around my waist and tie it off with an angry tug. ¡°Bambino, please.¡± He tries to catch my arm, but I storm away. He stifles augh andes at me again. ¡°You¡¯re really mad at me?¡± He sounds like he¡¯s in disbelief that I could actually be angry over this. I forgot how obtuse he can be. He catches my face in his hands, trying to bring me to him and croons at me softly, his baby voice coming on strong. It only makes me so much madder and I shove his hands off and re fully at him. ¡°Baby? ¡­¡­ bambino? ¡­ Don¡¯t be like that.¡± He tries to kiss me, sucks my bottom lip seductively, but I shrug him off and bat him away. The doe eyed and faux boyish coy lookpletely lost on me while furious beyond words. Forget it, Carrero ¡­ That does nothing for me right now. ¡°Go away, leave me alone.¡± I snap and walk toward the metal railing of the boat; I want to smack him over the head and grip the railing with a vengeance until my knuckles turn white. He has no idea how insane he can make me. He¡¯d no right to interfere without even asking me ¡­ He should have told me long before now. ¡°Emma? ¡­ You didn¡¯t want him in your life, I did what I thought you¡¯d want ¡­¡­ He wanted money; I gave it to him on the understanding he stayed away.¡± He catches my arm this time and hauls me to face him ¡°miele ¡­ bambino ¡­ Ti amo.¡± He¡¯s trying to sweet talk me. ¡°Fuck off with your fancy foreign words.¡± I spit childishly, pushing him away, my hands t on his exposed torso. ¡°I can¡¯t even talk Italian, so for all I know your calling me names!¡± I try to tug my arm out of his grasp, but he only pulls me closer. Smiling indulgently as though I¡¯m a tantrumming child. In a way, I feel like one and could easily stamp my feet all over his right now. I¡¯m seething. ¡°Do you want to see him?¡± He¡¯s trying a different approach, trying to distract me from what he¡¯s done. His eyebrows raised in question and I hesitate. Not a chance, Carrero ¡­ I¡¯m seething with you! ¡°No! ¡­ It still gave you no right to pay off that asshole ¡­ He¡¯s my biological father, it should have been up to me to cut him off for good.¡± I give up trying to pull my arm free and instead turn my body away, so I don¡¯t have to look at him as tears fill my eyes. ¡°Okay, you¡¯re pissed because I didn¡¯t tell you ¡­ You¡¯re right ¡­ I did it without consulting you, but at the time, Emma, you were only my PA and we could barely talk about this stuff without you storming off and mping shut.¡± He tries to plead his case, stroking back my hair to turn my face to him, he sounds remorseful, but I¡¯m not done being angry about this. Doesn¡¯t he see how much this hurts me ¡­ Not what he did, but the fact that my biological donor happily took his money and agreed to never contact me again, for the rest of my life. It¡¯s Jake who¡¯s getting my rage but it¡¯s my father I¡¯m really seething at. ¡°How much?¡± I snap, still facing away from him. ¡°How much money did you give him? How much did you flush down the toilet?¡± I snap, heart crumbling in agony a sit sinks in. I¡¯m thinking he would have happily taken a couple of thousand dors to walk away, he was that pathetic. What was I worth? Ten thousand at the most? Less? He would have agreed to a meager $500Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. when he approached me not so long ago. ¡°I gave him what I thought was a reasonable amount to stay away ¡­ I didn¡¯t give him a chance to ask for an amount, it would have pissed me off more.¡± He smooths my hair back again, pausing as I shrug him away and onlying back to it when I still. Persistent in trying to tame me. ¡°What am I worth then?¡± I retort, emotion breaking my voice. Pain searing through my chest like a hot spear. Do I even want to know? Could it be anymore humiliating than this? ¡°I would have given him millions, baby. To me there¡¯s no amount that you¡¯re not worth ¡­ Mywyers gave him $500,000 and made him sign a contract agreeing to stay away indefinitely,¡± he says it so matter of factly. I spin around in shock, nching at him. ¡°You gave him how much?¡± I choke as my body turns cold. That¡¯s half a million dors? Jake gave that slimy weasel half a million goddamn dors? The blood drains from my face. Why would he do that? Why would he give him so much money? For me? ¡°I would have given him twenty times that much, if he¡¯d refused to go ¡­ To me you¡¯re priceless, there isn¡¯t enough money in the world that would make me walk away. I hoped he would put up a fight.¡± He smooths my hair again, this time I don¡¯t pull away, too busy with my eyes glued to his face, my brow creased. ¡°Jake, that¡¯s so much money.¡± I am bewildered, shaking my head at his shrug. I can¡¯t get over the shock and the disbelief. ¡°It¡¯s just money, baby.¡± Jake turns me in his arms fully to face him, loosely draping them around my shoulders so his hands hang down behind me. Resting his arms on my slender frame out straight. Only someone with too much money could make a statement like that! ¡°You didn¡¯t have to, you¡¯re crazy.¡± I stare down at his abdomen, a ce to focus while I calm the rambling of my thoughts, his tanned, naked skin is definitely a good focus point and I inhale steadily to bring calm back. ¡°Get used to it, I haven¡¯t even shown you half the crazy things I get up to.¡± I nce up at his humorous tone and shake my head at his smile. Adrenaline junkie and racing car addict, I¡¯m sure I could guess what he means. I exhale it all away. ¡°He took the first offer, right?¡± I ask, swallowing down the pain my own question gives me. Trying to numb out the biting lump of heaviness in my stomach and sniff the watery emotions away. Refusing to break over that man. ¡°Yes! He did ¡­ They low balled what I told them to give him, they figured he would negotiate an amount above that ¡­ He didn¡¯t.¡± He¡¯s angry at the memory. His eyes almost changing to the darkest of greens, betraying his rage under that scowl. ¡°He¡¯s lucky he never met me face-to-face.¡± I turn away this time, his arms sliding away as the emotion swells up from somewhere deep inside and a tear trickles down my face despite my efforts. I can¡¯t believe Jake gave him half a million dors, I wasn¡¯t even his girlfriend, I was only his PA. He did that for me anyway, regardless to everything else we had going on back then. My Carrero. So stupidly rich, sometimes he¡¯s on a different from me. ¡°I¡¯m not really mad at you, Jake, well I am now I know how much money you threw away ¡­ I¡¯m mad at him.¡± I cry softly, caving as his armse around me from behind, his face nuzzling my neck. I cover his hands with my own and savor the feel of him around me. He has no idea how it feels to have someone who¡¯s supposed to love you from birth reject you repeatedly. My own father used me as a way to get money. I always knew he would, I just didn¡¯t think Jake would be the one to give it to him. ¡°I wish you could see how little that guy deserves to even call you his daughter ¡­ He¡¯s scum, he¡¯s nothing. The money was nothing, miele. It was worth it to keep him out of your life and away from causing you more pain. I hated him upsetting you and he never once got to know anything about you. If he had, then there isn¡¯t anything in the world which could have torn him away, you¡¯re amazing. You deserve a real father. Someone who would do anything to be in your life ¡­ He¡¯s not that guy and it¡¯s no reflection on you, bambino ¡­ Trust me,¡± he says it calmly, tenderly, breathing against my neck softly. ¡°Stop doing things like this without telling me.¡± I chide, but there¡¯s no anger anymore, only detion in my voice. Sadness always makes me tired. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, be ¡­ It was before you were mine. I did what I thought you needed me to do as your friend. I won¡¯t keep anything from you ever again ¡­ I promise.¡± He kisses my neck and I close my eyes, rxing into his touch, softened by how he always knows how to calm me, how to stop my mind from over analyzing myself into desperation. Chapter 126 Chapter 126 I turn in his arms and hug him fully, savoring his naked skin on my bikini d body, hot and smooth and strong. Sending tingles and aches through me so easily while taking my mind far from the topic that¡¯s hurting me, my insides responding on some primal level. ¡°Make meugh. Distract me,¡± I whisper against him, indicating that I don¡¯t want to talk about this anymore, I don¡¯t want to think of that creep any longer. Burying my face against his chest. For thest few days, it¡¯s all he¡¯s done, even over stupid, tiny disagreements, he somehow manages to take it all away and get me to smile andugh. I want that more than ever right now, to remove this heavy knot in my stomach at realizing my father was the scum I always believed him to be. The disappointment I always knew he was. He moves me out of his arms so I¡¯m standing in front of him, bends down and picks me up over his shoulder in one swift movement, making me squeal. Holding my thighs with a strong arm he takes a few strides to the side of the boat, to the open railing, and jumps in the ocean taking me with him. Sarong and all, even his sunsses nestled on top of my head. ¡°I saidugh, not drown!¡± I cough, grinning and spitting out warm salty water when we resurface; he has his arms around me, treading water so we stay afloat, wiping droplets from his face. Devilish and grinning, his hair infuriatingly still in ce; the boyfriend with the indestructible hair. I really should investigate Carrero grooming products. ¡°You¡¯re smiling so I got it halfway right.¡± He grins, kissing me solidly. ¡°Want to have sex in the sea?¡± He pulls my body to him, so my legs are around his waist, my arms around his neck, even in the cooler water he feels hot and smooth and inviting. ¡°Again? Oh, if we must,¡± I answer demurely as if it¡¯s the most boring request known to man, but my body is clenching in anticipation and a huge grin on my face. Best way to get over upset is to have your fit sexy Jake make love to you, works wonders every time. His eyes move to my lips as he focuses on them for a few seconds, I¡¯m fascinated by the clearest green of their depths and the way his pupils contract and dte as he thinks about something, his expression so serious. A smile breaks across his handsome face, throwing a kiss on the corner of my mouth, he lets me go, pulling my hand and makes me swim after him toward the edge of the boat. ¡°Where are we going? I thought you wanted to ¡­ Ummm ¡­ y in the sea?¡± I query, following him regardless. ¡°You¡¯re right, we¡¯ve done it a few times now ¡­ Figured I would try something new with you, tiny.¡± disappointment tugs at me. I like when he makes love to me in the sea even if it¡¯s not actually all too lubricated, it¡¯s wild and erotic, but a sense of exhration raises instead. New with Jake could be anything, he has no end to the sexual positions he puts me in, no end to his experimentation. I also have no qualms with letting him, trusting him always. I follow him up the chromedder onto the boat, water pouring down my skin, and my sarong, molded to my legs. My sunsses are surprisingly still stuck in my hair as he turns when he gets to the top and helps me thest few rungs before leading me to our bedroom on the lower deck, hand in hand. Walking into the darkened room, he leaves me standing in the middle of the floor with amand to wait while he leaves. I pick up a towel and dry myself off quickly, peeling off the sarong and throwing it into theundry basket, I pull the sunsses out of my tangled hair andy them on the vanity for safe keeping. I¡¯m rather partial to his sunsses. He returns carrying a ck velvet bag and throws it on the bed, so the contents empty over the sheets. I shiver with nerves as I watch him, we¡¯ve never included anything in our sex sessions, just him and me and now here he has some sort of collection of Gothic looking cuffs and straps. I narrow my eyes and nce at him questioningly. Suddenly wary. ¡°They¡¯re not mine before you start freaking out, thinking I¡¯m some sort of Mr. Grey hiding some red room obsessions.¡± He grins. ¡°The staff found them after thest time we were here, I think they belonged to that porn chick.¡± ¡°Miracle?¡± Iugh at the memory of the bimbo with the high-pitched squeal, Daniel Hunters entourage for that trip. He nods looking down at the things on the bed. ¡°Do you trust me?¡± He moves forward so we¡¯re nose to nose and lightly grazes my lips with his. ¡°Trust me to tie you up?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not so sure anymore.¡± I giggle gazing past him at the pile of restraining devices and there seems to be a blindfold too. I swallow and sigh, ¡°Yes, Jake, I trust you.¡± I exhale quietly as he kisses me hard then lifts me up to straddle his waist and carries me to the bed. ¡°Good, because I¡¯m going to handcuff you to my bed and fuck you like there¡¯s no tomorrow ¡­ In a very loving way of course.¡± He drops me down, so I¡¯mid on my back with my legs still firmly propped up around his waist. ¡°You and that word ¡­¡± I roll my eyes. ¡°Baby,e on ¡­ Would it sound quite so sexy if I said anything else? If I said I¡¯m going to boink you like there¡¯s no tomorrow, it wouldn¡¯t have the same ring to it.¡± He starts devouring my body with his mouth before I respond. ¡°When you put it like that ¡­¡± My sentence trails off as I surrender to the sensation of his tongue tracing my stomach muscles, every touch sending soft, hot tingles of pleasure over my skin, silencing me effectively. He makes light work of moving back on top of me, his damp body acting like a sensual distraction of cold and wet against my warm and dry, moving up the bed, he takes one of my wrists and pulls it toward him. He slowly straps on one of the wide, leather cuffs which is padded with a Velcro fastening. I wouldn¡¯t be able to get my hand out unaided. He takes my other hand and does the same, slowly, and deliberately, watching my face for signs of disapproval. When he has them on, he moves down my body with kisses, licks, and nibbles, making me groan. I close my eyes as Iy back on the bed, rxing, letting him take control and enjoying every delectable sensation. Finally, he puts one on each ankle amid a flurry of gentle kisses and soft caresses, with the same slow deliberate movement and watching me for signs of refusal. Hees to kneel over me, picks up the straps that look like wide nylon hiking cord and clips them to the metal rings on each cuff; long lengths that trail down the bed. They look more like horse leading ropes. ¡°You sure about this?¡± He stops and ponders me, kneeling over my body and caging me in. The excitement slowly building within me has knocked all sense of doubt away as tingles and nervous excitement shoot through me instead, ¡°Very sure.¡± I breathe sexily as his eyes darken, lust moving in. Things getting heavy and serious as our bodies awaken again. He decides on using the light fixtures on each corner of the headboard as his point of connection and pulls my arms up above my head to anchor me close to them in mid-air. My breath catches in my chest, my body goosebumps with excitement as my hands dangle and the cuffs tighten with the weight. I¡¯ve never been tied up, never had any urge to be, yet with him it doesn¡¯t feel wrong or weird or even scary. It feels achingly good. I¡¯m powerless to stop him devouring me. ¡°Okay?¡± He scoops to brush lips with me reassuringly. ¡°Perfect.¡± I kiss him back and lick his bottom lip gently, a tiny teasing motion, satisfied in the reaction growing in his swim shorts. The look on his face is almost boyish, he likes trying new things, he likes finding new ways to have his way with me. Jake and his love of games, spicing it up. I want this, I want anything he does to me over and over, never tiring of the endless ways he can make every time seem new and exciting. Hees up to my face, pulling the blindfold over my hair so he covers my eyes and sinks a long, slow passionate kiss on my mouth. A gentle, perfect molding of two into one, his tongue exploring mine. A reassuring ¡°I love you and I want you to trust me¡± sort of a kiss. I can only wriggle my arms but can¡¯t move them from side to side, up or down, I¡¯mpletely his and the sensation is sending hot thrills through every cell in my body. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. He traces his tongue down my body again, slowly teasing and nibbling me, making me arch and move involuntarily. Moaning softly as he maneuvers me into submission then he tugs my legs apart with a swift action that makes me gasp under my breath. His handse down my inner thighs, his hot skin sending electric jolts across my stomach. He ties my ankle straps somewhere low down, the strain of the cuffs putting light pressure on me, so I¡¯m spread open,pletely unable to move at all and exposedpletely. I flinch, aware his weight leaves the bed. Hyperaware to sound and sensation so quickly. Chapter 127 Chapter 127 I stay still and quiet, waiting now he¡¯s no longer touching any part of my body and the inability to see has heightened all my other senses drastically. I flinch and yelp when a warm hand touches my inner thigh, then giggle in reaction and hear him stifle a softugh. A warm mouth follows, causing me to arch my back from the bed in response, it feelspletely different and far too good. Held captive,pletely at his mercy and unable to predict his movements. Every single touch is heightened to an intoxicating degree. I¡¯m vulnerable with no control in every way, but I like it, it¡¯s exhrating because I¡¯m sopletely trusting of him and know I am safe, even tied down and exposed. Old Emma would have died like this. He unties the straps of my bikini pants, slowly, pulling them free, sliding them away, my body lifting to aid the removal. His knees dip the bed at each side of my hips, so I guess he¡¯s straddling me, but nothing else touches me. Soft lips graze my cleavage, so I jump again andugh impulsively, nerves on high alert, still held in my bikini top as his warm fingers trace the thin straps up to my neck, sliding behind to pull it free. The bow unravels, letting the soft damp fabric be pulled out from behind me easily. A hot firm hand slides under my back and I arch upwards, allowing the removal of the second tie, inhaling slowly and deeply when the bikini is pulled awaypletely. I¡¯m fully naked and utterly his to do with as he pleases. This slow act he has going on is building up the tension inside of me, the anticipation to feverish levels. His warm breath hovers over my abdomen, the weight shifting down the bed as he moves. I keep tilting my head to try and figure out what he¡¯s doing but I¡¯ve never felt so alert, so in anticipation of a touch. His lipse to my skin and again I tense abruptly, rxing to the small gentle kisses, a lick, then his mouth moves to the apex of my thighs. He hovers, blowing gently, sending a thousand sparks through me before his warm sensual tongue probes me deeply. I moan out loud, writhing within my confines and tug against them as I respond.Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. He continues expertly licking and toying with me even though I can¡¯t bring my legs or knees closer so I¡¯m wide open to him, unable to stop anything he is doing, and it makes it all the more erotic. This is a new level of sex for us, a level I didn¡¯t know we could reach, because what we have done so far already blows my mind. I groan and arch my back again as the pleasure intensifies, his mouth doing things to my clitoris that makes my body shudder and writhe in ecstasy. Wet, hot softness of his tongue entering me over and over, teasing, sucking, probing. Gentle pleasurable jolts shoot through me, bringing me to the brink, his breath on my most secret part achingly good. I bite my lip hard, groaning from deep down, experiencing the build of internal heat while unable to stop my body from moving around. There¡¯s warm wetness flowing, showing him just how much he¡¯s turning me on, making me open up and I throb for him, begging to be devoured. I strain on my confines, savoring the feel of the pressure around my wrists and ankles, the harsh rasp as I tug again and the cuff jerks against me. It¡¯s so in contrast to what he¡¯s doing, it only adds to the effect. Harshness and a biting ache of being held prisoner and then sensual softness and deep pleasure as though he¡¯s serving me. There¡¯s something so highly sexual about surrendering myself to him this way, letting him have full possession of my body and being unable to stop him. As someone who always had to have control in life, never willing to drop her guard, I¡¯mpletely helpless to the lure of being his captive. It¡¯s a fantasy I never imagined I would like, but it seems to be exactly what I want and need to truly let go. The heat building inside of me intensifies and the beginning of the waves which will climb to a higher euphoria. I¡¯m climaxing quickly like this; whatever he¡¯s doingbined with being restrained this way is certainly talking to my inner goddess and I¡¯m unravelling effortlessly. His fingers trace my curves as he flicks and sucks at my core and pushes me beyond the brink. I cum secondster, crying out in a thundering glory, unable to tense and pull my legs in yet it only makes it even more mind-blowing. Leaving me exposed to him, he doesn¡¯t stop as I cry out, his tongue pushing in for a final assault, his hands on my hips, yanking me down to force me further into him which causes an almost instant second explosion of ecstasy. I groan out wildly as I convulse more harshly. This time the stars going off in my darkened vision,bined with the internal explosions cause a rush of moisture to run down my inner thighs as I pant and grind myself into him and soak the sheets beneath me. ¡°Seems like I¡¯m doing something right.¡± His husky, lustden voice finally warms my ear, hisrge body covering me as the waves begin to slowly subside, leaving me on fire and high alert. My body reacting to his warm, smooth skin, desire already coursing through me again despite two orgasms. His lips graze my neck, his hands on my breasts, stroking, teasing, exploring me. His fingertips tug at my erect nipples and in turn it causes me to strain at my confines in reaction, but I¡¯m held taught, still his willing captive. A crazily hot electrifying sensation courses through me once more as my body cries out for more of this kind of love making. He pushes against me, still wearing his shorts, the damp sea water is cold against my overheated skin, so sensual and sends sparks in every direction. A jolt like a thunderbolt. I push against him savoring the feeling, the inner ache for his body to join with mine overpowering me so that I¡¯m almost delirious with aching. I¡¯m still blinded by the mask over my eyes and can only anticipate his movements by sound and touch, so it heightens everything inside of me to the point I¡¯m panting helplessly. ¡°Who knew my cute little Emma was such a freak in the bedroom?¡± His husky voice is hoarse and low, sexily arousing against my neck once more as he slides up me, his lips meeting mine, his tongue slowly opening my mouth to him and sliding inside. I can taste mypletion on his tongue, and it makes me groan, aroused by something so primal, so dirty yet so satisfying. He moves off me, leaving me panting, longing for more as I listen to every sound he makes, moving across the bed. The noise of him opening a drawer, then the familiar rip of foil as he gets a condom. My hearing tuned in like it¡¯s never been capable, the anticipation has me shivering, skin igniting with goosebumps. Secondster he¡¯s back over me, his weight making the bed dip, leaning on all fours caging in my body like a predator, his body heat surrounding me on all sides. I shiver in anticipation, alert and wanting as he leans down, capturing my nipple in his mouth, sucking, and gently biting until I¡¯m wriggling around, moaning softly. He tends to the other in the same fashion already my body climbing back into the initial stages of orgasm. Already highly sensitized and responsive to him like I¡¯ve never been before. It''s never been like this, so effortlessly bringing me to the verge of another body racking explosive climax and I thought Jake had done a pretty outstanding job to date. He moves back on the mattress near my ankles, sinks down and then rips open the ankle restraints causing a surge of relief as I can pull my legs up again. Hot strong hands grasp me around the pelvis, then he flips me over causing the upper restraints to cross my arms at the wrists and I gasp at the surprise. It¡¯s tighter and I¡¯m even less mobile, held with them in mid-air, my head locked between my inner elbows and facing down like a submissive. I¡¯m defenseless and held ready to be taken; something I would never have imagined I would ever befortable with, yet with him, nothing is out of bounds. He lifts my body so my knees prop me up instinctively, pulling my thighs apart so he can move behind me, never letting me go. His fingertips slide to my warmth and probe me softly before he enters me from behind in an easy, slow glide. I arch letting out a satisfied moan, breath catching and pushing myself back against him so I can experience his entire length filling me and hitting the ache deep inside that¡¯s been building and craving the feel of him. There is never a substitute for the feel of him inside of me, no matter how good he is with his hands or mouth; this here is what I crave. He cups my ass and squeezes hard, moving his palms up my body until he grabs my hips pushing me forward with his weight but follows me, the restraints biting in. It feels better than amazing. There¡¯s nothing but satisfying fullness and pressure from him,pletely filling me while starting a slow steady rhythm in and out which soon has my body climbing higher and higher. Groaning and whimpering out loud, I can hear his breath equally loud andbored. The rhythm of our joined bodies a sensual dance that is slowly unraveling me, blowing my mind. Chapter 128 Chapter 128 He quickens the pace until he¡¯s mming hard into me, almost ruthlessly, both of us breathing hard, eliciting soft grunts and moans. He¡¯s gripping my waist so tightly I know it¡¯ll leave marks with passion overtaking gentleness and lust driving him further. I savor the roughness and know this is not lovemaking, this is Jake¡¯s definition of fucking and I like it. I cry out with every thrust. I love what he¡¯s doing, I anticipate every movement, grind back to him, encourage it to be harder. Every jolt sending a deep wave of pleasure, my body losing all control as I begin to hit that dizzying height again. I moan loudly as the tension builds, this time it¡¯s so fast and so close to thest, it threatens to tear me apart. The build-up making me pant out loud; heat, and wetness which only seems to make him more excited and he thrusts harder and faster. Jake screws me senseless. I¡¯m unable to slow it down, held captive in my pose, his hard, hot, body is ruthless. I tug at my restraints harshly in fear of the precipice I¡¯m almost on the verge of reaching, the intensity overwhelming me and I¡¯m unable to move. It¡¯s exhrating and so god damn satisfying. And then it happens, like a mass all- consuming explosion as the waves of my climax quickly envelope me and I spasm wildly without warning, verbally letting out a wail of sheer ecstasy. Syed out in front of him,pletely immobile, it adds to the intensity of the orgasm, causing it to multiply and string out for endless mind-blowing seconds that are so much more intense than anything before. I cry out loudly for what feels like forever, racked with something so huge I can do nothing but surrender in the most earth-shattering moment of my life. Body flushing with moisture at my release, covering us both and I lose all conscious awareness of anything but the ripples of extreme deliciousness catapulting through me. My body alive with sensation. He falls over the top of me as I begin to still, and we both copse on the bed in a heap, my arms outstretched above me. Still inside me, throbbing at his own climax, spurring a sprinkle of tiny mini explosions within me that makes me twitch involuntarily. I¡¯m still moaning in ecstasy and unable to feel anything but extreme release. Both of us lost inside our own internal pleasure while joined. It¡¯s like nothing I¡¯ve ever experienced, not even with Jake these past few days and I¡¯mpletely hopeless to do anything butnguish here. He reaches up, tugs off the wrist cuffs, and pulls me into his arms toy and bask in what he¡¯s just done to me, our bodies sagging in satisfaction. I¡¯m panting and tingling all over, my limbs have turned to Jell-O as he slides the blindfold off me from behind, throwing it toward the wall and spooning me as I blink to adjust to light. I¡¯mpletely useless to move my own limbs and still trying to catch my breath, body heated crazily. He smiles against my shoulder where he¡¯sid his head, the graze of his stubble on heightened sensitive skin and I smile too. Even after something like that, something so new and kinky, there¡¯s no awkwardness or shyness. He satisfies me in ways I could never have dreamed of and rocks my world with so truly little effort. He kisses me gently on the back of my shoulder and exhales with a sigh of contentment. ¡°Now that ¡­ Is definitely in the top five. Might even be a number one spot.¡± He pants breathlessly and I can tell by his tone that he¡¯s smiling still. I grin too. ¡°I¡¯ve never made you cum like that before,¡± he mumbles nuzzling my neck softly. ¡°I think we¡¯ll be taking this set up home with us, bambino. I¡¯m definitely up for a repeat of this.¡± His voice is deep and husky. ¡°Mmmm hmmmm.¡± Is all I can say in dazed response. I¡¯m beyond exhausted, unable to formte a reply. I never knew sex could be the way it is with Jake, every time different, mind-blowing, but this has to be a favorite now. He literally just rocked my world. ¡°That good huh?¡± He kisses me on my cheek, a fingering to stroke my jaw line and then he stretches out to yawn, a hand appearing in the air above me as he loosens his limbs. I stretch out and nod, closing my eyes and snuggling against him, ready to just fall asleep. He wraps around me a little morefortably, nuzzling his face into my hair, his legs entangling with mine in his getting ready to take a nap pose; it seems we¡¯re both exhausted. ¡°Emma?¡± His voice thick and hoarse, so close to my ear it gives me goose bumps, rouses me. ¡°Mmm hmmm?¡± I answerzily, letting my hands follow the curve of his arms and cover them possessively. Enjoying the strong, hard muscle under smooth skin and softest hair. ¡°It¡¯s never been like this ¡­¡± He breaks off as if he¡¯s not sure if he wants to say this. I open my eyes, listening intently. Does he mean that he¡¯s never had sex like this? Or that it¡¯s never felt as good as this? N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. I turn slightly to gaze at his face in the now shadowy room, the sun must be going down and catch the coyness in his expression. ¡°In what way?¡± I croak, finding some of my shaking voice, my body still tingling in the afterglow. ¡°Wanting to have sex with you every second of every hour, like I just can¡¯t get enough of you. No matter how much I get you naked, the urge never dies.¡± He leans closer to me, stroking my face gently. ¡°Long before I got to touch you, I wanted you, it drove me crazy.¡± He pulls me so tightly it almost makes it impossible to breathe. He has no clue that I¡¯ve felt the same way about him from the first time I everid eyes on him, his effortless sexiness, his over the top hotness. I¡¯ve been under his spell, aching at his every movement for so long. I turn to him within the loop of his arms, he loosens his hold enough so I can, and our eyes meet. ¡°You¡¯re the most adventurous girl I¡¯ve ever met, there isn¡¯t anything yet that you haven¡¯t let me do to you ¡­ You¡¯ve no idea how much of a turn on that is. How much of a surprise it¡¯s been, considering everything I know about you, what that means to me.¡± He is so sincere it just floods me with warmth. ¡°I trust you; I know you¡¯d never hurt me or do anything I didn¡¯t want.¡± I gaze up at him, watching his gentle expression with adoration. ¡°I¡¯ve been yours from day one, Jake, even before I could admit it to myself ¡­ Unable to function in your presence without fantasizing about your hands on me ¡­ The reality is so much more than the fantasy, everything you do only makes me love you more.¡± I lean up and kiss him passionately, his mouth responding with equal fire. His hands sliding down my body to my naked butt, cupping it, and pulling me up toward him. ¡°I¡¯ll never stop trying to fulfill your fantasies. Or making new ones together.¡± He frowns lightly, a seriousness to that wless face, he kisses me again, slowly, and deeply, moving against me. My body responds instantly; he was right about one thing, no matter how often we make love, our bodies yearn for more. Even when I think I am beyond the capability, it surprises me. This ability to instantly recover and want it so soon. He hardens against me and know he¡¯s reacting in the same way, with his subhuman skill. ¡°How about round two?¡± He grins, pulling away from my mouth, his hand reaches up to catch the cuff and pull it back down toward us with a glint of wickedness in his eye. Chapter 129 Chapter 129 I wake up and try to stretch out, but I¡¯m restricted by Jake¡¯s heavy body, wrapped around me like always. If I have oneint about my lover, it¡¯s this unearthly way of sleeping. He literally manages to get as much skin on skin and limb twisting as possible and somehow maneuvers me into positions while unconscious that defy the human body¡¯s ability to bend. I slide a leg out from between his, rotating my foot to get some feeling back and attempt at retrieving an arm which has gone to sleep pressed under his weight. He is impossible to get loose from in bed, the second I move free he reaches out and re-curls himself to me, pulling my limbs to how he wants them around him. He¡¯s sleeping heavily, I can tell by his deep, even breaths, so moving slowly I manage to get myself loose with some effort. Sitting up beside him, I gently stroke his cheek with a smile on my face. His sleeping habits are more of an insecure child longing for cuddles than the confident awake Carrero, just anotheryer to my fascinating man that endears him to me. I get up, finding a robe quickly and head out to the upper deck for some air. It¡¯s dark but the horizon has hints of color as though sunrise is not far away, the air is cool and refreshing after his stifling body temperature. I was dreaming about my mother again,tely she¡¯s been guing my thoughts. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because of Jake being in my life this way, I somehow feel obliged to tell her, or if it¡¯s just being with him which has started to make me feel differently about my decision to see her again. She is still my mother and being with Jake has shown me what she¡¯s always been searching for and never found, which, in a way, is sad. That one guy who can bring such happiness to her life, the way Jake has mine and I have some remorse about it now. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. Is it wrong to want to find love? To be that desperate for it that you push away all the bad and try not to see it. There¡¯s no denying he¡¯s changed me in so many ways, he¡¯s brought that cold ice queen PA back in touch with emotions and feelings that I could never have imagineding back to. Changed my way of thinkingpletely. I¡¯ve seen my mother in a different light and yete back around to feeling some sort of forgiveness toward her in such a short space of time. Maybe it¡¯s because Jake told me about my father and somehow, it¡¯s made my mother more appealing to me. Despite her ws she kept me, raised me, and in her own way, I know she loves me. No amount of money in the world would have made her walk away, even when she chose her lovers over me, in the end it was I who left and she never tired of asking me toe back to Chicago. I breathe in slowly and deeply, finally cool enough to go back below deck, tiredness fogging out the thoughts which woke me. The call of his body luring me back toy beside him, as though it¡¯s starting to fade at hisck of presence. I am a butterfly who needs the sun to fly and he is that light for me. I climb back in bed slowly, he¡¯s shifted in his sleep, so he¡¯s moved away to lie on his back and it¡¯s easier for me toy down beside him. cing my head on his chest, his arm automaticallyes around me, pulling me up tight against him, his chines to my head. He makes me smile; even asleep he somehow has this sixth sense that I¡¯m here. I wrap my arm around his ribs and close my eyes, trying to push my mother out of my mind¡¯s eye for the time being. ¡°I¡¯m awake, baby.¡± His voice startles me. ¡°I woke up and figured you needed some ¡®you¡¯ time ¡­ I always wake up when you leave me.¡± I sense his smile against my hair, the irony of his sentence. He told me that my going away had been a huge wake up call to how much he needs me. I shake my head at his cheesiness and throw a light kiss on his broad chest. ¡°I was thinking about my mother ¡­ I guess I¡¯d been dreaming about her.¡± I shrug nonchntly and sigh. ¡°You thinking you maybe want to see her?¡± he asks cautiously, he still has no idea how to tread over the subject of my mother. As far as I know, he thinks I should have a rtionship with her because she gave birth to me. I¡¯ve always known he had some mixed feelings about the woman who left me subjected to so much in my youth, but his own rtionship with his mamma has made him ignore them. ¡°I don¡¯t know anymore.¡± I exhale heavily. ¡°Part of me never wants to see her again ¡­¡­ Then part of me feels like I¡¯ve so much more to say to her.¡± His other armes across and envelopes me in a tighter hug, cradling me in. ¡°She¡¯s still your mamma. I think you¡¯ll always regret not trying to talk to her again. If you want to see her, I¡¯lle with you ¡­ For moral support.¡± His hand moves up to my hair and begins caressing my scalp gently. ¡°I think I¡¯d like that,¡± I utter softly, closing my eyes and listening to the steady beat of his heart in his chest, lulling me back into calmness. I think about the fact that old Emma never wanted Jake near her past or her mother, yet here we and I¡¯m happy to have him with me. His chest rises and fall a little more quickly and his arm tenses a touch making me take note of his sudden change in demeanor. I open my eyes, aware of how in tune I¡¯ve be to him, how he seems hesitant suddenly. Does he maybe not want toe to Chicago? ¡°What is it?¡± I ask bluntly, alerted and I too tense, sensing something is off. He sighs heavily as though he¡¯s just been busted and stiffens all over. ¡°I had a message on my phone when I woke up.¡± He sighs again. ¡°We might need to cut this trip short, miele.¡± He lets go of me and slides out of the bed, reaching for his jeans and pulls them on before coming to sit back down to take my hand. I can see his face in the moonlighting in the uncovered window ports. I¡¯ve learned that when he thinks an argument is likely he¡¯ll always get up and pull pants on. It amuses me as somewhere in my head I wonder if he¡¯s protecting his tackle in case things get frisky. Maybe he thinks I¡¯ll go in for the kill below the waist in anger. It only makes me anxious now that he thinks a fight is brewing. ¡°Why? ¡­ What is it?¡± I stutter in confusion and my heart beats a little harder. ¡°Marissa ¡­ She¡¯s demanding that we sit down withwyers, she wants our agreements in writing. A contract so to speak, and my father is pushing for it like crazy. She also wants to talk money and her requests. If I ignore her, she¡¯ll only keep hounding me and ruin our time here.¡± The tightness in his voice makes my skin prickle and irritation sparks as that green eyed me kicks out. ¡°She wants what? Does she think you¡¯re going to go back on your promises? She doesn¡¯t need your money; her family is as loaded as yours, and what goddamn requests? You owe her nothing, until that babyes then she¡¯s nothing to you ¡­ Your rtionship will be with the kid, not her!¡± I snap, my rage getting the better of me and the rush of negative emotion fuels my outpouring. Sitting up quickly, my insecurity and jealousy showing face in unison. He leans forward grabbing me and pulls me over toward him, his hand stroking my cheek gently in a bid to calm me. ¡°She thinks I won¡¯tmit to the sses and being at the birth because I now have a vested interest elsewhere ¡­ You ¡­ It¡¯s also pushed her to demand that you¡¯ll not be included in the trips to LA or the rtionship I have with her, and that after the birth you can¡¯t have anything to do with the baby unless I marry you,¡± he says hurriedly, an edge to his tone as he rushes to get it out. I gasp in shock ¡­ Confusion crushing me. What? She¡¯s threatened by me? She¡¯s trying to drive a wedge between us in the only way she can. It¡¯s obvious she¡¯s still in love with Jake and this is her biggest weapon. She¡¯s going to use his child as a pawn to maneuver him to meet her demands and try to tear us apart in the process. ¡°You¡¯re going to agree?¡± I snap in anger, his hands tightening on me as tears gather in the back of my eyes, stinging with a bite. ¡°No! Why would you think that?¡± He frowns. ¡°She can¡¯t dictate who I take with me on my own fucking ne to LA, or who stays in the hotel with me, she doesn¡¯t own me. She¡¯s not my goddamn wife. Once that kid arrives, if she wants me to have ess then she¡¯ll need to get used to the fact you¡¯ll be there, whether we¡¯re married or not.¡± He gets up, letting me go and paces back and forth in agitation. ¡°She doesn¡¯t need money, but I¡¯m giving her money anyway, for our child ¡­ Not for her. Marissa is maniptive, it¡¯s a fucking gift of hers, she thinks by throwing in the jibe about marriage that I¡¯ll run for the hills because she thinks I¡¯m amitment-phobe.¡± He sneers. ¡°She¡¯s no idea how different things are with you ¡­ If I need to marry you to let you see my kid, I¡¯ll marry you tomorrow, because I¡¯ll marry you anyway ¡­ Now or in the future, Emma, you¡¯re going to be my wife.¡± He storms around letting that infamous temper rip and I just gawp at him, stupefied. Chapter 130 Chapter 130 My voice catches in my lungs and I can¡¯t formte a reply, I just stare at him in open-mouthed silence, inner tingles waving over me like hot sauce. Jake¡¯s never mentioned marriage before, I know he loves me, but part of me still finds it hard to believe he loves me as much as this. ¡°You want to marry me one day, right?¡± He halts and suddenly sounds so young and unsure, my silence making him think I¡¯m freaking out in a bad way. I guess a small part of me is, but mostly I¡¯m shocked into silence. He moves closer, panic in his face, the doubt that he¡¯s said something he shouldn¡¯t have. I reach out for him and he follows, wrapping himself within my arms. ¡°I just didn¡¯t think you would want that with me,¡± I mumble, the tears stinging my eyes for a different reason and I sniff. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I? You know how I feel about you ¡­ I¡¯ve told you enough times.¡± His facees to mine, his hand sps my chin and tugs my eyes up to meet his. ¡°It¡¯s just ¡­ I¡¯m broken ¡­ You can have any woman you want, why would you choose to marry someone as messed up as me?¡± It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever verbalized some of my inner insecurity and anxieties to Jake. Something I¡¯ve always hidden because it¡¯s such an ugly way to think and I don¡¯t want him thinking me pathetic. He seems taken aback for a moment and stares at me with furrowed brows. ¡°Is this what goes on inside that head of yours? Is this how you think?¡± He seems genuinely surprised and I close my eyes and nod, painful to even admit this to him. This inner voice that¡¯s always with me, always doubting my worth, always hiding in the recess of my brain that I would never let anyone see. Suddenly his mouth is against mine, his kiss forcing me to respond, his handse up to cup my face and hold me close. I return the softness, parting my lips, sagging against him as our tongues meet, gently caressing. He kisses me until I¡¯m panting then pulls away. ¡°You¡¯re not broken ¡­ You¡¯re scarred ¡­ You¡¯re the only woman I ever want! Even if you left me tomorrow, I wouldn¡¯t move on. Even when I thought I could never have you; I couldn¡¯t just get over you. I couldn¡¯t get you out of my head. Everything reminded me of you ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Tell me what I need to do to make you feel secure, be. To believe me ¡­ I¡¯ll do whatever it takes to remove those doubts from that beautiful little head.¡± His gaze is so intent on mine that I feel like he¡¯s trying to dig deep within my soul, trying to figure out why I would think this way. He¡¯s no clue to the depths of insecurity I have inside of me, the depths of self-doubt andck of worth. I¡¯ve always hidden them so deeply behind my mask that no one knows, not even Sarah. ¡°Everything you¡¯re doing already ¡­ Little by little, it helps.¡± I finally respond softly. I don¡¯t know what else he could do to make me believe that I mean as much to him as he does to me. ¡°Non avete idea di quanto ti amo, bambino,¡± he mutters, his eyes focused on mine, slipping into his secondnguage because he¡¯s emotional. I giggle and raise an eyebrow. ¡°What?¡± I gaze at him indulgently as he breaks into a smile and looks down at his hands between us, holding mine. ¡°I really need to teach you the basics of Italian. I said: you¡¯ve no idea how much I love you, baby.¡± He kisses me on the nose. ¡°You tamed il Casanova, mio amore, that in itself should be proof of what you are to me.¡± He smiles lovingly. I close my eyes tightly and take a huge deep breath. He¡¯s right, he¡¯s told me a million times, and now maybe it¡¯s time I told him why I¡¯m so sure that I¡¯m not worthy of anyone to love me the way he says he does. I trust him, he shares so much with me, yet I hold back. There¡¯s a part of me that¡¯s always afraid that if I tell him about my past properly, he¡¯ll turn from me. Disgusted at what I am, but if I don¡¯t, he¡¯ll never really understand me. I owe it to him to open up, to at least try. He opens himself to me in every way possible and yet, he no longer pushes me to do the same. I love him enough to let him in fully, it¡¯s time. ¡°Ray Vanquis wasn¡¯t the only man to ever hurt me in that way,¡± I say it so quietly, with such fear that I can¡¯t even open my eyes and see how he¡¯s looking at me. He stiffens, he isn¡¯t sure if he should say anything or move, still holding my hand in his. He can sense that my statement is something more than a random sentence. He knows I¡¯ve decided to start talking about my past, he knows me well enough. I reach over and cover his hand with mine, take another steadying breath and I gulp unsteadily. Knowing it¡¯s now or never and before I lose my courage; I should just get it all out. ¡°There were more than a dozen men in my mother¡¯s life who tried, some a little more sessfully than others, to abuse me.¡± My voice breaks but I swallow down the urge to cry. This is so much harder than I could ever imagine. Telling Jake of all people is the most devastating thing I¡¯ve ever done. I don¡¯t want to open my eyes, I don¡¯t want to do this, but I know I must; If I¡¯m ever to feel worthy of his love then he must know all of what he¡¯s trying to love. Give him the full picture, so he can run if he wants to. He needs to see that dark side of me, the part I keep hidden away and only then, if he still loves me, will I genuinely believe that he can love me as much as I love him. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. He doesn¡¯t speak, or move, I think he¡¯s holding his breath in case any sort of interruption stops me from going on, bringing that door closed in his face again, like so many times in the past. My hands begin to shake with the effort of doing this, but he stays, unmoved as my breathing gets shallower and nausea swirls crazily up from my stomach. ¡°Some just managed to kiss me and touch me in ces they shouldn¡¯t have ¡­ I was really young the first time, so young I didn¡¯t understand, I just knew it felt horrible and wrong.¡± Tears begin trickling down my face, more from the shame of having to tell Jake than the actual memories. I long ago stopped crying over those men. Breathing so heavily, finding it painful to go on, his foreheades to mine, grounding me a little, his own breaths shallow too. His thumb stroking my cheek, urging me to go on, to finally tell him and I swallow hard, my body trembling with the effort. ¡°Some hit me ¡­ Kicked me, it wasn¡¯t sexual with those ones ¡­ I saw them do things to my mother that I¡¯ll never forget though, things no one should see, especially not a child.¡± I swallow down bitterly, a lump rising in my throat, threatening to choke my voice from me as images flicker through my brain. Memories I had long ago ground down into a tight little box away from the light of day. ¡°Some of them tried to have sex with me, but I learned quickly to fight back, they didn¡¯t like that and would leave me alone, but they tried. I still remember the feel of their hands on me.¡± I shudder heavily as his grip tightens on mine, giving me the strength to continue. ¡°By the time, I was seven I¡¯d been groped and mauled in so many ways, I felt sick to my stomach when boys woulde near me in the street or at school ¡­ I became very introverted, extremely aggressive. I got kicked out of school so many times for my behavior,shing out, hitting boys ¡­ Smashing things up. I had so much rage.¡± I sob as he pulls his hands away, wrapping them around me instead and tugging me against his chest to support me. If I stop now, I¡¯ll never have the courage again. If I let myself stop and think about what I¡¯m telling him then I¡¯ll never find this voice again ¡­ ever. Those memories will only be driven down deeper inside of me to never see the light again. ¡°I started sleeping with a baseball bat that I bought with money from a news delivery when I was too young to even know what sex was. I bought it because I knew the men wouldn¡¯t stoping and I hated what they would do to me ¡­ I ended up in protective services by the time I was eleven; a neighbor reported my mother¡¯s boyfriend for beating her up, hearing the screams almost daily ¡­ You would think that losing me for a year, to a horrendous life in a children¡¯s home would change her, but no. I came back to exactly what I left behind.¡± his thumb moves across my cheek, wiping fresh tears and I tilt my face into his touch. Still he stays quiet and just listens intently, barely making a sound. ¡°Somehow, it was better than what I dealt with in that home; kids can be cruel and the carers were just as abusive, so I learned to lie and hide the things going on as much as she did. I didn¡¯t want to go back there, it was awful ¡­ But the older I got, the more sexual the advances became. She has a knack, you see, for finding men who are the same as thest. Perverted assholes with serious dominance issues and no qualms about using women as punchbags. I would fight back as hard as I could, but the first time I got properly beaten up my mother wouldn¡¯t take me to the ER because she knew I would get taken away again. I had to strap up broken ribs myself for weeks on end and pretend I was fine.¡± I gulp down more sobs; my face is soaked, the sheet covering my breasts getting cold with dampness. Jake is still silent, breathing hard, gripping me so tightly it¡¯s beginning to hurt, but I don¡¯t care. I need him holding onto me, to find the strength to get it out and done with so we can move on from this. I can¡¯t bear to look at him, can¡¯t bear to see the rage in his eyes or the despair I can feeling off him in droves. I just need to keep going, keep talking and get it all out there. Chapter 131 Chapter 131 ¡°By eighteen, I was good at defending not only myself but her, I would chase them out with my bat swinging. I¡¯d learned to use my anger effectively, I had so much of it, so much hatred inside of me. I would just keep hitting until my arms ached with the effort ¡­ I smashed two of her boyfriend¡¯s cars up in a bid to chase them off.¡± I shift position on the bed, pulling my legs out and stretching them out, sighing heavily. ¡°She would hate me after and make me go elsewhere to cool down so I slept rough for days on end because she wouldn¡¯t let mee home until I apologized to them for it, which meant returning to being abused in one way or another.¡± Iugh sardonically, my wonderful mother and her screwed-up sense of parenting. ¡°Ray was the first one to put me back down on my ass and show me I was no match for a man ¡­ He wanted me to have sex with him and when I refused, he beat the crap out of me while trying to take me by force, he tried to rape me. She came home and stopped it, but she never forgave me.¡± Jake tenses, his whole body emanating so much anger, sadness, pain. He¡¯s listening so intently, so silently and it¡¯s unnerving me. I know without looking that fury will be the dominant emotion on his face right now, I can feel it and just push on blindly. ¡°She always treated me like I caused it. I think Ray was the first man she¡¯d seriously fallen deeply in love with and it blinded her in the craziest of ways, she couldn¡¯t see what he was. It was after Ray that I finally found the courage to run away with Sarah, to run away from her and what she kept doing to me ¡­ It¡¯s why I never go back, why I don¡¯t want to go back. To that house and the endless memories of things that went on. She wasn¡¯t a real mother, Jake ¡­ I was the one who cooked and cleaned and took care of things, took care of her. She was so wrapped up in her affairs and rtionships it was like I was invisible. She didn¡¯t want to know what they were doing; she didn¡¯t want to face it. She sure as hell didn¡¯t try to save me.¡± I sniff back my unshed tears. ¡°I still dream of things that terrify me, when I¡¯m notid beside you in bed, they haunt me ¡­ You keep them away, make me feel safe and stop the past from getting to me ¡­ You have no idea.¡± I finally sag and more tears fall down my cheek, calming my breath and trying to push it all back down inside. I feel like I¡¯ve just let a monumental weight from my shoulders but at the same time I¡¯m being crushed with panic at how Jake will react. Afraid to look at him, afraid to breathe. ¡°That¡¯s pretty much a condensed version of everything you ever asked me about.¡± I mumble, so quietly it¡¯s barely above a whisper, my head hanging in shame as I stare at the fingers I¡¯m twisting together. It wasn¡¯t a detailed outpouring, but it¡¯s as much as I can handle. I don¡¯t ever think I could give more. ¡°Emma?¡± His soft voice breaks and makes me look up to see the devastation on his face, his furrowed brows and tear-filled eyes, the tight clenched jaw, holding back raw emotion. There¡¯s nothing but agony in his eyes. ¡°My angelo.¡± He smooths his hand across my cheek, removing a fresh tear as it rolls slowly down my face. ¡°How can you love me knowing all that I am?¡± I mumble with so much conviction in my voice, I sound hoarse. He lets me go and for a second, fear grips my body, fear that he¡¯s walking away, that he¡¯s disgusted at me. As he moves back, forming distance the panic overwhelms me, my eyes widening but he shakes his head as though in answer, slides his arms under me and pulls me to hisp. Wrapping me in a proper embrace torso to torso, pulling my legs around him so we¡¯re as close as humanly possible. With his hand cupping my jaw, the other around my back and pulling me in, our faces touching. I slide my arms around his neck, rxing into his embrace, eyes wide with apprehension, heart beating erratically. ¡°I want to find every one of those men, every single one and kill them with my bare hands ¡­ I would serve life in jail for what I would do to them for hurting you. For touching you.¡± He growls, holding my face to his so we¡¯re only a breath apart. ¡°How can I not love you, Emma? Everything you¡¯ve told me just makes me love you more, want to fiercely protect you more. Your strength, your undying will to carry on despite it all ¡­ You¡¯re an amazing woman, and after all of that, everything men showed you about themselves, you still found it inside of you to trust me, bambino ¡­To fall in love with me, to let me touch you. You¡¯ve no idea how immense that is ¡­ I¡¯m in awe of you ¡­ You didn¡¯t just survive, Emma; you built a life for yourself thatpletely transformed what you came from, so that no one would have ever guessed.¡± His mouthes to mine, pressing me softly. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea just how amazing you really are. I think I¡¯ve just fallen in love with you all over again, il mio amore.¡± His words cause so much bittersweet pain in my heart, tion, yet a crushing, overwhelming ache. Not because his words have hurt me, but because they are exactly what I need to hear after so long. That in some small way they¡¯re a healing balm, a tiny start at making me feel whole again. I wrap myself in him, pushing my head against his chest and listen to the sound of his heart, beating faster than usual, his breathbored. My story has affected him physically, his body tense. I know he¡¯s mulling it all over, disgusted with what he¡¯s heard but not at me. I always believed he would look at me like some sort of slut or dirty whore if I told him, but he¡¯s not. He¡¯s looking at me like I¡¯m a fragile piece of ss and he wants to mend it; he wants to protect me. I close my eyes and lean against him; surrounded by security and realize I¡¯m not scared anymore. ¡°It¡¯s hard for me to talk about this stuff ¡­ When I do, it brings it all to the front of my mind and it gues me for a long time after.¡± I confess shamefully, unable to lift my voice above a breath. ¡°I don¡¯t want that ¡­ I¡¯m so grateful you finally opened up to me. I know what it¡¯s taken, you¡¯ve no idea how it makes me feel to know you trust me this much.¡± His eyes are cool green again as he brings my chin to him to look at me deeply, clear, and bright yet still so sad. ¡°I finally understand why you shut me out anytime we got close, Emma ¡­ I get it ¡­ I¡¯m sorry, bambino, I¡¯m sorry that I was such an asshole and I kept pushing you.¡± He¡¯s forlorn, full of regret. I don¡¯t want him to feel that way, we¡¯re here now, he came for me and he¡¯s changed everything. I needed his rejection to finally get me to this ce where I can open up and let him in. ¡°You didn¡¯t know, Jake ¡­ You couldn¡¯t know ¡­ I was so used to pushing things down and being alone, closing doors, keeping people at arm¡¯s length to protect myself.¡± I kiss him gently on the mouth. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter anymore. I¡¯m here, you¡¯re here, we both want the same thing. Erase the past ¡­ Remember?¡± I hold his face with my fingertips, so we can look into each other¡¯s eyes, empowered suddenly. ¡°I remember.¡± He looks down and frowns, so much swirling in the depths of those eyes. ¡°Some pasts may be harder to forget though. Some men will always be on my hit list, no matter how much time passes.¡± There¡¯s an edginess to his tone and I brush my fingers across his lips softly. ¡°Forget them ¡­ For me. So, we can have a future, without the past interfering.¡± He raises his head and once again locks green eyes on cool blue ones. ¡°Does that mean you will marry me someday?¡± He smiles, his eyes glinting, still haunted by my confession. I can tell he wants to talk more but he knows me, I¡¯ve let it out and now I want it left alone. There¡¯s nothing more I can say, I don¡¯t want to be more specific, no more digging into it. N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content. ¡°Maybe, when you learn how to ask me properly ¡­ I¡¯m not one of your leggy bimbos who¡¯s ready to drop their pants onmand.¡± I pout, pretending to be upset and deflecting talk of marriage. I¡¯m not ready for that whole mess of emotions just yet, I¡¯ve had no chance to consider a life with marriage in it. The awkwardness is slowly dispersing, he smiles, pulling my chin down to kiss me seductively, his mouth effortlessly making mine surrender with tender fluttering kisses, then pulls away. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure I do get you to drop your underwear onmand, miele.¡± He strokes my face with his thumb, tears drying and all but gone. He¡¯s steering the conversation away from my painful topic to let me move on, yet this new topic has me antsy. ¡°As for asking you properly ¡­ I¡¯m Italian, bambino ¡­ When I ask you, there will be fireworks and a floor show ¡­ Trust me ¡­ You won¡¯t be able to refuse.¡± That Carrero confidence! He already knows I¡¯ll say yes, does he? I don¡¯t even know if marriage is something I even want just yet. I wrap myself around him fiercely, wiping out everything I¡¯ve told him and just return to the safe security of his strong body, shielding me from every bad thing I have ever faced alone. ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± I bite my lip through a smile, squealing when that frowning face dives in with tickling hands and hauls me down with him. Chapter 132 Chapter 132 The departure from the boat this morning is tense, Marissa calls several times, ending in heated arguments over Jake¡¯s refusal to meet withwyers until she agrees to Jake¡¯s terms and not hers. Every time causes Jake to hang up in agitation and throw his phone in various directions, violently, cursing and going off in a full Italian rant. I sit watching with my breath held until he calms down, unsure what to say to bring him back to a simmer instead; there isn¡¯t much to calm that hot temper and I know to let it run its course. His emotions are on edge with the topic of the baby and Marissa seems to know exactly how to push his buttons. The flight home is silent, listening to music as he thrashes emails back and forth to his legal advisor about the meeting over paternity rights. He¡¯s tense and agitated and very much the Jake Carrero I used to work for; boyfriend Jake on hiatus as he frowns his way through a heated typing rampage, his poor laptop taking a beating. The Carrero re, stuck firmly in ce as I watch him hit the keyboard several times. That fiery Italian temper is always out of ce in the cool calm demeanor of the mostid-back Carrero alive and I smile, despite the look on his face. I had even missed that part of him when he¡¯d sent me away, his monumental arsey moods and dangerous re never phased me at all. I watch him pull out his phone, give the screen the most hateful look I¡¯ve ever seen then he rejects whoever is calling before returning to pounding keys. ¡°I think yourptop might need medical attention when you¡¯re done.¡± I poke him in the rib lightly. Hoping to calm some of that brewing storm. ¡°I think Marissa will need it if I talk to her right now.¡± He grinds out. Ahhhhh, enough said. * * * We get to his apartmentte evening; his staff dump our bags in his master bedroom and leave us in peace. We never spoke again about the things I told him of my past and I¡¯m d. I feel like all I needed to tell him is now done, I don¡¯t have anything more to say about it, nothing else to get off my chest, putting an end to aN?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. Chapter 133 Chapter 133 ¡°Ready?¡± He gazes at me as his car door is opened and holds out his hand. The Carrero building looms up in front of us and it feels like I haven¡¯t been here in weeks. So much has changed in such a short time. He slides out of the car, pulling me with him and straightens up as Jefferson shuts the door behind us. Normally, Jake would use the underground car park, but Jefferson has errands to run for him today, so we are being dropped at the front door. This is all very public, right outside the main entrance to Carrero House in the morning rush. I take a deep, anxious breath, pushing down the onught of emotions and nod and try not to run away. I tense as we enter the building, the urge to pull my hand out of his as heads turn at our arrival. Faces beaming our way, quiet whispers, and stifled grins as people pretend not to be staring. We are obviously the talk of the building and very much confirming rumors while walking hand in hand through the foyer. Ughhh, this is embarrassing. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. I was surprised to find my work clothes hanging in Jake¡¯s wardrobe beside more of my outfits from my apartment this morning. Apparently, while we were away, Jefferson had Sarah pack me some essentials for our return at Jake¡¯s bidding. Nice to know mymandeering man still exists in there somewhere. I¡¯m in my familiar gray suit jacket and pencil skirt and my favorite Louboutin ck stiletto heels, like old PA Emma except for the fact my boss is now casually walking with his fingers entwined in mine. Leading me to the elevator with a smug expression on his face of a guy who got a lot of sex before getting out of bed this morning. I shake my head at him, wishing he wouldn¡¯t make it so obvious but that glint in his eye serves as a warning that he will be far worse if I protest. I wouldn¡¯t put it past him to pick me up over his shoulder and drag me to the nearest elevator to make out. He throws me a warning eyebrow lift when I try to slide my fingers out of his and I give up, he¡¯s never been a guy who it¡¯s wise to try to push. He has no qualms about making a scene and he doesn¡¯t care what people think about him. We get to the sixty-fifth floor without too much drama, or people making it obvious they are outright mesmerized. I know most of the building has non-stopped gossiped about our dance floor kiss at the Marie Curie ball and as this is the first time most can see for themselves that the rumor is true, people are nosing our way. Was that really just over a week ago? I can¡¯t believe it¡¯s only been days. I feel like Jake¡¯s been with me for so much longer, that we spent a month on that yacht, so much has happened and things between us got so intense so quickly that I can¡¯t even begin to dissect that it¡¯s only been a week. Luckily, the elevator is full, so Jake¡¯s wandering hands can only skim my ass briefly, trying to be on his best behavior. ¡°Want toe christen my desk?¡± he whispers as he pulls me after him to my old familiar offices when we hit our floor. ¡°Jake!¡± I scold, my old PA mode kicking in. ¡°When we¡¯re at work then I¡¯m going to be the Emma you paid for.¡± I let go of his hand haughtily and walk forward fast, toward my old desk, feet away. Jumping with a flinch as he smacks my ass loudly and about ten heads snap around to look as I hold myself in check from reacting. ¡°I swear to god ¡­¡± I begin to grind slowly through gritted teeth, but he only smiles with a flick of his eyebrows before walking past into his own office and leaving the door wide open. I stand outside it and throw my bag on the desk, my face ming with embarrassment, pushing down the urge to throw something at him through his door. I swear, I may actually throttle him. I note that Margo¡¯s personal effects are gone already, she¡¯s cleared this in anticipation of my return. I¡¯m sad at the evidence, I would really have loved to see her again, a chance to just talk to her about coming back. ¡°Miss. Anderson ¡­ I¡¯ve something that requires your immediate attention.¡± Jake¡¯s voice floats through at me and already I regreting to work for him. I push down that inner irritation knowing that this is going to be some sexual reference, except unlike old me, I can¡¯t threaten to sue him to make him behave or brush off his advances anymore. I walk into his office, turn, and walk back out when I see him patting the new couch in his office suggestively, loosening his tie with a naughty look in his eye. ¡°Work! ¡­ Remember!¡± I yell back and stomp off to find a coffee, I¡¯m going to need it today. We really need to set some ground rules about this working together or I¡¯ll end up choking him with his own tie. ¡°I forgot what PA Emma was like.¡± He yells back, but there¡¯s only amusement in his voice. ¡°I¡¯ve changed my mind ¡­ I might fire you after all.¡± I ignore him and instead begin pulling out all the files Margo has left for me, briefs getting me up to speed on things I¡¯ve missed and other things in mid-flow. I¡¯ve missed a huge amount of work in thest month, this will be a nightmare to get my head around and thest thing I need is Jake trying to get me naked in his office. I nce up and spy Rosalie grinning at me from the outer office and smile back. She seems genuinely happy to see me, waving, she turns back to her desk and carries on working. It makes me feel a little bit warmer inside, a little less upset with my boyfriend, or boss¡¯s, overly public disys of affection. An hourter Jakees strolling out to my desk where I¡¯m wading through all the documents Margo has left for me, two empty coffee mugs and a lot of scrunched up notes in the bin. He¡¯s lost his jacket and tie and is back in rolled up blue shirt with open cor, untucked at the waist, it¡¯s devastating to me, like it always is. I¡¯m a sucker for this look on him and without looking directly at him, my temperature soars along with my heart rate. ¡°I want to fuck you,¡± he utters quietly, leaning into my ear so only I can hear. My knee¡¯s press together under the table; I put my pen down and look up at his serious face with indulgence ¡°Jake. First, will you stop calling it that ¡­ Second ¡­ No! We¡¯re at work, to work ¡­ You get enough at home, and this morning,¡± I whisper looking around nervously in case anyone can hear us. Maybe I should shut my office door from now on, Rosalie is within ear shot most of the time. ¡°Fine ¡­ Lets screw, copte, make love, have sex ¡­ Whatever you want to call it. You¡¯re literally ten feet away, wearing a tight skirt and stilettos and I¡¯m supposed to not feel horny? bambino, please ¡­ I¡¯ve a really convenient second room that locks, with a couch in there ¡­ Remember?¡± He looks at me in a way that sends my inner organs into a frenzy, my body clenching ecstatically, leaning in close enough to kiss without effort, his aftershave drawing me in. I need to have more control than this. I cast my mind back to the changing room type second door inside his office and thest time I saw that couch, months ago. Before he ever kissed me, before I even knew how I felt about him and I¡¯m more than tempted. ¡°You can¡¯t do this to me.¡± I pout. ¡°It¡¯s not fair.¡± ¡°You think this is a one-sided deal?¡± heughs. ¡°Baby, I¡¯ve had to stop myselfing through here about eighteen times in thest hour, just ripping that skirt off and taking you on the desk ¡­ It¡¯s not fair on me, you, looking like that and not being allowed to do anything about it.¡± He leans down nting a chaste kiss on my cheek. ¡°I¡¯m going for a cold shower before I do end up making good on that threat.¡± He walks off toward the outer office, toward Rosalie¡¯s external desk, his ass looking particrly hot in his tailored gray pants. ¡°Jake, wait,¡± I blurt out impulsively. He turns slowly and looks me up and down, his face nk but his eyes heavy, his pupils dted still from his obvious horny state. Oh god, how sexy he looks standing there. Screw it. ¡°Yes, Miss. Anderson?¡± His voice is low and husky and full of hidden intent which makes my knees press together more firmly in response. Jesus ¡­ what he does to me. Chapter 134 Chapter 134 ¡°I ummm, think I need you to look these over in your office,¡± I chirp brightly, deliberately getting up to walk sexily into his room without a backward nce. I make sure I walk to his desk in full sight of the open door and bend over enough to slide the file down, just enough for my jacket to ride up, exposing my tight skirt, hugging my butt, lifting one foot slightly as though I¡¯m reaching out, so my legs look shapelier in the confined material. The door shuts behind me almost immediately, his hands running up my thighs and igniting passion; I¡¯m turned and thrown over his shoulder instantly, letting out a small squeal and giggle as he marches me toward that internal door. * * * I stretch out in my chair and arch my back, my desk is littered with papers, myptop, files, and an overwhelming amount of random crap. It¡¯s been a hard few days, not made any easier by my oversexed boss-lover and his attempts at dragging me into his cupboard at every opportunity. He¡¯s seeded more times than I want to admit, making that couch almost like a bed away from home. He¡¯s finally settled down into some sort of work routine and left me alone today. I can see him through the open door, head down as he types, focus intent, that old Carrero frown in ce, showing he means business. I watch him for a few seconds, that familiar that swell of love inside of me. I can¡¯t stop it, every time I look at him, I have to pinch myself that this is real, that I¡¯m really here. He senses my eyes on him and nces up, throwing me a knee weakening smile, his youthful boyish, ¡®I¡¯m way too hot to be legal¡¯, smile. I beam back and turn away, not wanting to give him too much encouragement. It doesn¡¯t take much to send that libido spinning out my waytely and I only just managed to get really absorbed in my work. I hear his phone ring and he sounds agitated when he answers, I know without confirmation that it¡¯s her again. Ever since our return they have argued non-stop. He¡¯s refusing to sit down with thewyers until they cane to some sort of middle ground on where I fit in on this whole thing.Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. I¡¯ve told him so many times that I shouldn¡¯t be a factor in this, that I¡¯ll step out and keep my distance until the baby is born for the sake of peace. He¡¯s adamant he won¡¯t let her dictate his life and I know that stubborn streak too well; he will never back down. He¡¯s not capable of backing down when he¡¯s got the bit between his teeth, that side to him won¡¯t let him. I tune out and focus back on what I¡¯m doing and try to ignore the way his tone and anger are rising slowly or the way my stomach aches at the thought of her. * * * A little after noon I get up and take him through the files I¡¯ve gone through, some contracts he needs to check, a new start-up he¡¯s interested in investing in, and some minor publicity suggestions from Wilma. He¡¯s ring at a document in front of him, obviously unhappy with something contained within and it makes me smile. Despite loving him as boyfriend, the Jake I missed most was boss Carrero and his multitude of facial expressions when he was absorbed in something mundane. He has a face that can say a million things without opening his mouth, when he isn¡¯t maintaining his poker face that is. ¡°Hey,¡± I utter softly and his chin lifts to look at me. ¡°Hey,¡± he replies with a smile, getting up anding around the desk to pull me against him. I nce back to see if anyone is watching through the open door and catch Rosalie turning away quickly. I try to push myself away, but he only tightens his grip. ¡°Stop caring about what people will think or say.¡± He nuzzles my neck, making me melt against him a little too readily. I really have no willpower when ites to his touch. ¡°It¡¯s easy for you to say that ¡­ You intimidate everyone ¡­ No one would say a thing about you, for fear of your wrath. They all think I¡¯m some sort of gold-digging whore who¡¯s bedding the boss to get my job back.¡± I sigh. He brings his face to meet mine, ring, obvious he doesn¡¯t like what I¡¯ve said. ¡°I¡¯ll fire anyone I catch saying that,¡± he growls seriously, his tone a tad harsh and sadly, I know he means every word. I push away from him and straighten my clothes, making it clear that I need to go. ¡°I¡¯ve got to go to Queens to meet Sarah.¡± I remind him. ¡°I need more clothes and things from the apartment, and I need to sit down and talk to her properly before she goes to work.¡± He steps forward, closing the gap between us again and kisses me on the mouth, taking a moment to linger with his lips against mine. He has one hand on my face, holding me steady, slow grazing of lips and brush of tongue. It¡¯s hard not to react when he kisses me this way, the urge to grab him and kiss him harder makes my fingers twitch. He finally steps back. ¡°Jefferson is already waiting.¡± He straightens my jacket and smooths down my blouse, lingering over my cleavage with a naughty smile that gains him an indulgent one back. What am I to do with you? ¡°I¡¯ve a meeting with mywyer while you¡¯re gone, we¡¯ll eat when you¡¯re back, miele.¡± His fingertips come up to stroke my lower lip tenderly, his eyes focused on mine. ¡°She isn¡¯t going to be too pleased when I tell her you¡¯ve asked me to move into your apartment full- time.¡± I add. We briefly talked about thisst night, him adamant and even though I want nothing more than to curl up in his bed every night, a part of me knows the thought terrifies me and Sarah will be upset at the speed this is all progressing. It¡¯s all happened so suddenly; we are moving so fast. He shrugs, that infuriating mannerism of his when he couldn¡¯t care less about someone opposing what he really wants. ¡°She has her live-in boyfriend ¡­ You two rarely see each other because of your work schedules.¡± He moves back around his desk, sliding back into his seat and picks up the file he¡¯d thrown down. ¡°It¡¯s going to happen, Emma ¡­ Whether it¡¯s now or in a month or two ¡­ You think I¡¯m going to be happy with living apart for long?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t think this is moving too quickly?¡± I tried to talk this through sensibly, but he closed me down every time, stubborn and set on what he wants. Typical Jake, it¡¯s always how he wants things and I get no say unless it is to agree. ¡°Nope ¡­ We practically lived together when you were just my PA. Why is this suddenly something scary? ¡­ If you don¡¯t want to do it then just tell me.¡± He sits back in agitation, childish pout face appearing, indicating I¡¯ve hurt his feelings. He pushes away the file, in an almost mild temper tantrum. Little boy Carrero. ¡°I do want this,¡± I retort quickly, trying to smooth the ruffled feathers of my man child. ¡°It¡¯s just, it¡¯s serious, Jake ¡­ What if spending all this time working and living together makes you feel caged in ¡­ Restless ¡­ I just want to be sure that you¡¯ve thought about it. I mean, you went from serious man- whore to a one-woman man overnight.¡± I move to the chair beside his desk and sit down, moving closer so outside ears won¡¯t be able to hear us. ¡°I¡¯m just worried this is so full on so quickly that you¡¯ll start missing being free and single.¡± I look away from him to the view outside, cursing myself for letting Miss. Insecurity show face again. He sighs then leans forward so our heads are close, his handes to find mine and pulls it between us. He starts ying with my fingers between his thumb and forefinger, dwarfing my hand. ¡°You¡¯ve got to stop thinking that way, and you¡¯ve got to stop measuring our rtionship from the night I told you I loved you ¡­ I¡¯ve loved you for a lot longer than that, I¡¯ve wanted you for months. Our rtionship started over a year ago, Emma. There¡¯s nothing rushed about where we are now, if anything, I¡¯ve had the patience of a saint to wait this long to ask you.¡± He smiles, his killer Casanova Carrero beam and I return it; he knows how to y me so easily. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to get fed up with me ¡­ Constantly being together can¡¯t be healthy.¡± I add gently. ¡°It won¡¯t be like that, we¡¯re still enjoying being together in ways which we never allowed, this is the honeymoon period. When we getfier, we¡¯ll do things apart ¡­ You and Sarah, Le ¡­ Sophie ¡­ I still want to go out with Daniel. I have other friends too that you probably wouldn¡¯t befortable around. Friends I really wouldn¡¯t trust near you. I¡¯ll still have to take some solo business trips when things are hectic, and you¡¯re needed here. There are no rules, we make them up as we go miele.¡± He strokes my fingers, voice low and sincere. I know he¡¯s not saying it, but he also means trips to LA once a month, too. Chapter 135 Chapter 135 ¡°It makes no sense to me having you beside me at work, then you going home to Queens at night ¡­ I want you home with me, to kick back and unwind. Here, we¡¯re starting to get back into our roles as boss and PA ¡­ I want my girlfriend when we¡¯re not working.¡± ¡°Sarah¡¯s going to try and talk me out of it¡± I sigh, watching him y with my fingers one by one, enjoying the sensation. ¡°She¡¯ll think we¡¯re rushing things.¡± I look up at him and shake my head when he shrugs, his answer to everything. Infuriatingly so. ¡°I¡¯m not going to force you, Emma ¡­ Go see her, collect what you need for this week anyway then let me know what you decide ¡­ I won¡¯t be mad, but I want you to know that it will happen.¡± He moves forward, kissing me quickly before letting me get up to leave. I ruffle my fingers lightly through his hair for a moment, smiling at the way he looks up at me and our eyes instantly connect. A face that could melt icebergs. And it¡¯s all mine. Stubborn to a fault. I turn and walk off, grabbing my bag as I pass my desk. I can sense his eyes on me, but I don¡¯t look around. I like torturing him in subtle ways, it makes me feel good to know that I have a little power over him too. Probably more than I realize, besides, he can be somandeering sometimes that he deserves it. I want to move in with him, but I¡¯m also terrified. It¡¯s a huge step for me, to be dependent on someone else. His apartment, his things, he pays all the bills, his money, his furniture, his way! I¡¯ve always stood on my own two feet and what if it all goes to hell and we break up? I can¡¯t go crawling back to Sarah if I¡¯ve nowhere else to go. My head goes into overdrive thinking this all through as I make my way down to the underground car park to find Jefferson and one of Jake¡¯s four by fours, parked and waiting. * * * ¡°Wow ¡­ Are you sure, Emma? ¡­ It¡¯s really fast!¡± Sarah remarks, sitting opposite me on the couch, her eyes wide in disbelief. ¡°I know it¡¯s just ¡­ He¡¯s right, though. We¡¯re working side by side, we spend so much time on business, flying ces, sharing rooms ¡­ We dove straight into amitted rtionship and missed out on dates and going slow. It¡¯s what he wants and as much as it scares me, I want it too. It just feels like this is how it should be.¡± I answer a little stiltedly. I rehearsed this on the drive over, yet she watches me for a long time, sipping her coffee and thinking. ¡°But? Come on, I can practically hear the hesitation.¡± She raises an eyebrow at me. I sigh and sink back on the cushions. ¡°But a part of me is terrified, a part of me is running for the hills screaming right now. I don¡¯t even know why; I can¡¯t begin to analyze it.¡± I slide my coffee mug on the table and slide off my stilettos, letting them drop to the floor as I tuck my legs in under me. ¡°No wonder. You spent your entire life being self-reliant, your own boss. Keeping people at arm¡¯s length so they didn¡¯t hurt you. He¡¯s asking you to just throw all in and put all your hopes and trust on your rtionship after like a week ¡­ That¡¯s crazy.¡± She waves a hand in the air as though to emphasize the point. ¡°Except we¡¯ve been in love for so much longer. I can see why this isn¡¯t fast to him, he¡¯s that kind of impulsive person. He wants, so he takes, he¡¯s always had things his own way.¡± I sigh and haul a cushion into myp, picking at the fringe in agitation. ¡°I think that¡¯s just a male trait to be fair.¡± Sarah slides her mug down and mirrors my pose with her legs underneath her. She¡¯s dressed in her chef whites ready for her shift this afternoon. ¡°So, what are you going to tell him, what are you going to do?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt him; he¡¯s always been right in the past when I¡¯ve been scared to follow. Maybe this once I should just trust that he knows best.¡± I rub my cheeks with my palms, frustrated at myself for feeling so torn about something that should be so simple. ¡°I don¡¯t want another room mate.¡± She pouts. ¡°What about, you move in with him, but we leave your room avable for you? Like, you can leave stuff here that you wouldn¡¯t want to take and maybe have it ready for staying over sometimes?¡± she asks hopefully, her eyes almost pleading. I know her too well, she¡¯s offering me a way out of making a final decision, she¡¯s offering me a backup n. She¡¯s being that girl who always helps me figure things out, that girl I love. ¡°I guess that could work ¡­ It¡¯s not like Jake will expect me to pay for anything, so I can still contribute here, like I¡¯ve always done.¡± I shrug, annoyed at myself for adopting his mannerism. ¡°So technically I¡¯ll have moved out, but I¡¯ll still have the option ofing back? Maybe I could spend the odd night here to catch up.¡± I smile, warmed by her enthusiastic nod. I like this n; it gives me an option C ¡­ Not living solely with him or her but choosing to stay with him unless I need an out. Some stability, should he decide the full-onmitted rtionship with someone so emotionally messed up isn¡¯t so great after all. The thought makes my stomach sink with a lurch. ¡°Okay, sorted! So, enough about that ¡­ I only have an hour before I have to get to work and I want all the juicy gossip ¡­ What being in love with the Jake Carrero is like! How good is he in bed, really? I want all the dirty, minute details.¡± She giggles cheekily, and I sigh, I knew this wasing the second she got me alone. * * * I walk out of the elevator a couple of hourster, Jefferson is taking most of my bags straight to Jake¡¯s apartment and has dropped me back at Carrero House. I¡¯m disappointed to see both Rosalie¡¯s deskN?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. and Jake¡¯s office are empty and check my watch. It¡¯s only mid-afternoon, so I walk in and check my iPad on the desk, pulling up the schedule and see Rosalie has added in a meeting. Jake¡¯s meeting with the legal team overseeing the Hunter-Carrero ship merger, things must be moving along with the first hotel cruiser. I sigh and make my way back out to Rosalie¡¯s desk to collect some letters and make myself busy. All the answer machines are on, the office is deathly quiet and even the other secretaries on this floor seem to have disappeared. I miss him already and it makes me smile. I¡¯ve only been gone a couple of hours and already I¡¯m impatient to see him again, to feel his hands on me and kiss me the way he does. I keep telling myself that it¡¯s only been a week, that I shouldn¡¯t be this dependent on him so soon or even at all. I¡¯m falling too far and too deep, yet something inside of me tells me to let it go, to trust him for once and just go with it. See where this goes. * * * Absorbed in an email I¡¯m typing I hear them finally return, it¡¯ste in the day and I ended up eating lunch alone when hunger made me feel faint. ¡°You missed an epic meeting.¡± Jake¡¯s voice smooths over me deliciously, he dumps files on my desk andes around to haul me out of my seat by the arm. I squeal as he slides down into the chair, he pulled me from and tugs me back on top of him in a heap across his knee like a child as he leans back casually and swings the chair. I have to hold on for dear life. He grins childishly and lifts his legs, nting his feet on the desk so I¡¯m tipped closer to him, my face ending up nose to nose with him, he raises his eyebrows suggestively then nts a soft kiss on my mouth. ¡°I missed you, sexy.¡± ¡°Stop misbehaving.¡± Iugh and try to push myself upright, I should give up trying to conceal the things he does from the floor staff out there, it¡¯s like trying to swim against the tide, he¡¯s always so inappropriately public. ¡°What did I miss?¡± I challenge yfully, giving up the fight and insteadying in his embrace simply happy to be back in his arms while sliding my own around his neck to nuzzle closer. ¡°My father having a massive tantrum and ring at everyone silently through the entirety of the meeting. Epic in every way.¡± He grins, obviously amused. ¡°He still hates the fact I put this merger in ce, it didn¡¯t help that Daniel¡¯s father was there ¡­ if looks could kill. I felt sorry for the poor guy, though.¡± ¡°Ouch.¡± I respond remembering that Jake told me Carrero had an affair with Daniel¡¯s mother years ago. The two men are still at war over it even now. ¡°Apart from that, everything is going to n, they¡¯re moving to start production on the first two ships ¡­ It¡¯s a lengthy process, maybe two years or more before weunch our first five-star floating spa and hotel. Better book ourselves a suite now.¡± He can¡¯t hide his excitement and I congratte him with a kiss, but as usual, he takes the opportunity to turn it into a full-on passionate embrace,sting minutes. Finally breaking away he tilts me back to him, so we¡¯re nose to nose again. ¡°So? Are you going to break my heart and tell me you only brought enough clothes for a couple of nights?¡± he asks seriously, his eyesing to mine, there¡¯s something almost apprehensive about the look he¡¯s giving me. Always disarming me with that lost boy look in those deep green eyes. ¡°I packed up anything I want ¡­ Everything I need ¡­ To stay with you indefinitely.¡± I smile softly, grinning as his face breaks into his famous happy as Larry smile. ¡°I left my room with the stuff I would otherwise need to put in storage until I decide what to do with it and the understanding that I pay Sarah for it instead ¡­ In case you ever kick me out.¡± I giggle as he pulls me back to his mouth for a celebratory peck on the lips. ¡°There¡¯s more chance of you leaving me, be.¡± He swings us back in the chair like it¡¯s a rocker, and it creaks miserably under ourbined weight. ¡°Want to call it a day and go home with me to celebrate? ¡­ There¡¯s a huge hot tub with our name on it and I haven¡¯t seen you naked in seven hours, I¡¯m getting withdrawals.¡± He pulls his feet off the desk, moving to stand with me in his arms. ¡°Do you intend to carry me off regardless of the answer?¡± Iugh. ¡°Pretty much.¡± He nts a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and puts me on my feet. ¡°I need to go grab some files from my desk and myptop ¡­ Get ready to go. Home it is. There¡¯s some advantages to being your boss.¡± He orders with a wink before stalking off to his open doorway with a smile. Chapter 136 Chapter 136 We¡¯re sitting with feet entwined on the huge king size bed in Jake¡¯s bedroom, backs against the padded headboard and a mountain of cushions with some action movie ying on his oversized t screen TV hanging from the ceiling. There are Chinese food tubs standing all over the bed around us, open and easy to reach for dipping into. I¡¯m wearing one of his T-shirts after our not so clean bubble bath and he¡¯s in a pair of dark gray sweatpants and a naked torso, showcasing his chiseled body and tribal ink perfectly. I have a serious case of ¡®my boyfriend¡¯s so hot¡¯ swoons as I watch his muscr arms and shoulders flex and tense as he shovels food into his mouth with the expertise of an avid Chinese food eater. He leans forward with chop sticks full of noodles and pops it in my mouth without waiting to ask if I even want any, his eyes glued to what he¡¯s watching. I¡¯m being obedient and letting him stuff me full of food despite having the ability to feed myself. Amused by the way Jake has this constant need to tend to my every need like a mother hen. Somehow, I like it like this, that he looks after me in small ways I would never have guessed him capable of. Force feeding me his food seems to be a recurring thing. He never seems to feel I¡¯ve eaten enough and is always trying to ram food in my mouth. There¡¯s a knock on the bedroom door, which is standing open and one of his security staff appear, dressed all in ck. Another faceless person I¡¯ve yet to find out the name of. ¡°Mr. Carrero ¡­ Daniel Hunter is here to see you,¡± he states apologetically, averting his eyes as he sees my long, naked legs on top of the sheets and his extremely scarce shirt covering over my body. I¡¯m d I put some underwear on after our bath. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°Send him in,¡± Jake replies with a mouthful, still not taking eyes off his movie, he leans to the end of the bed yanking up the throw which normally getsid neatly there by the housekeeper and pulls it over my lower half. It makes me smile; he obviously didn¡¯t like the fact his security just checked me out. He covers me up while still chewing and watching his godawful film. Jake is a contradiction in so many ways,id-back and confident yet also a little, green-eyed jealous child who doesn¡¯t like other men looking at me. The green eyes suit him. The man walks away while I make a mental note to learn the names and make friends with this almost invisible staff I asionally see now that I live here, especially the house keeper, Nora, who is the master of discretion. I feel ignorant and awkward when I see them in passing. It never bothered me when I was just his PA because they were his staff, and I was staff. But this was my home now and I don¡¯t want to be rude. ¡°All right, bud.¡± Danieles bounding in, stopping a moment when he sees me but continues almost wlessly. ¡°Was going to ask if you fancied a night on the tiles but I can see you¡¯re busy with the little woman.¡± He looks me up and down oddly, I guess he¡¯s trying to figure out why I¡¯m still on the scene, it¡¯s been over a month since the yacht trip he was on with us and he knows Jake¡¯s attention span for women peaks at four weeks, max. I guess he figured Jake would have got bored with mypany long ago. ¡°I¡¯m off the boozetely.¡± Jake shrugs and this surprises me. I noticed hisck of alcohol on our trip, but he¡¯s never mentioned it was intentional ¡°She¡¯s not my little woman, she¡¯s my better half.¡± He throws Daniel a look that¡¯s hard to trante, they have their ownnguage these two. Goes hand in hand with the special bromance of Carrero and Hunter. ¡°Hey, better half.¡± Daniel salutes me with a smile and I smile back, he¡¯s an odd one and our rtionship is still in the teething stage. ¡°Hey.¡± I smile back genuinely, for Jake¡¯s sake I really want to try to like Hunter, maybe form a mutual friendship now I¡¯m no longer staff. I never felt at ease with him as Jake¡¯s PA, maybe I will now that the dynamic has shifted. Danieles to the bed, climbs on the end and getsfy before picking up a box, Jake throws him some unopened chop sticks as though granting permission to dig in and both men sit glued to the movie in silence for a few moments. It¡¯s some loud, all shooting, all exploding, macho male thing with a guy who looks a lot like someone who once felt me up in a nightclub in Vegas. Daniel starts eating, before pointing at something on screen with a mouth full. ¡°That asshole still owes me $1500 for that bet in London,¡± he mumbles. ¡°Jesus, Danny, tell me you didn¡¯t actually bed that weird chick with the wonky teeth.¡± Jake drops his chop sticks into the tub of food he¡¯s eating and grimaces, looking at Daniel as though he¡¯s something disgusting. Something that puts Jake off his food is clearly Daniel¡¯s sex life. ¡°A bet¡¯s a bet, Jakey boy. I just got really pissed and then she looked doable.¡± He shrugs and continues eating. ¡°I thought you had some standards, maybe even really low ones. But that chick looked like a man in drag with a really shitty wig.¡± Jake turns to me with a look that says, ¡®you had to see her.¡¯ He throws a chopstick at Daniel¡¯s head but Daniel ducks toote and it bounces off the top of his perfect fair skull. Daniel may have a fetish for one-night stands and slutty girls, but he has the looks of a guy who should get any woman he wants. He¡¯s all blonde and blue eyed to Jake¡¯s dark hair and green eyes. As a duo, I¡¯m sure the two of them must have pulled any women for miles. ¡°I thought Daniel¡¯s standard was porn star, isn¡¯t that like the lowest you can go. A girl who¡¯s paid to let everyone sleep with her?¡± I smirk at Jake with a wicked gleam in my eye, Daniel frowns up at me. ¡°Hey! Some of thosedies are the highest paid in the profession, they¡¯re not prostitutes. I happen to like a girl who can get down and dirty and knows what she¡¯s doing.¡± He throws the chopstick back at Jake who bats it away expertly. ¡°They¡¯re kinda like prostitute¡¯s, mate.¡± Jake smirks. ¡°Shut up! Totally different. Besides, not so long ago you weren¡¯t so high and mighty with the standards. Just cos you¡¯re all loved up doesn¡¯t mean you haven¡¯t ground on a few¡ª¡± ¡°I swear if you finish that sentence, you¡¯ll regret it.¡± Jake warns, an instant frost to the atmosphere between them. For a moment, there¡¯s a cold standoff of res and eyeballmunication. Seems Hunter is just as stubborn as Jake. ¡°I¡¯d say keep your shirt on but it¡¯s already AWOL.¡± Daniel breaks the tension with a smirk and Jake just throws another chopstick at his head. I wonder if this is how all men behave in thepany of their so- called best friends. ¡°You¡¯re just jealous that my shirt¡¯s off for Emma and not you.¡± He winks back. Lifting an arm and tensing a bicep with a sexy wiggle toward Daniel. I can¡¯t help but admire the bulge, I¡¯ve never actually seen him tense a bicep on purpose and I almost faint with just how toned and muscr he is when he does it. Is it okay to swoon over your own boyfriend? I think it is, right? ¡°Put it away, Carrero, I¡¯ve told you a million times, I¡¯m just not into you.¡± Daniel seems to be fed up with his choice of food and looks through the extra boxes on the bed for something else. ¡°Says the guy who crashed my Chinese food party toe stare at a TV with me. Are you worried I won¡¯t love you anymore now I have Ems?¡± Jake discards his food and stretches out, leaning back into the sea of cushions behind us. Noticing I have long since discarded mine, he hauls me over to nestle in his arm andy my head on his shoulder. I stretch out alongside him and snuggle in against his body. ¡°Totally heartbroken over here,¡± Daniel replies tly without looking up, finds something he wants and settles back down to dig in and watch a particrly bloody scene on the screen. Both men seem zoned in on the mass shooting and blood thirsty hero, hacking bad guys to bits with a large sword. I never understood action movies and all that bloodlust. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Danny, I¡¯ll still keep you as my side chick, snuggle when Emma¡¯s not looking.¡± He squeezes me, and I quell the urge tough at them. Chapter 137 Chapter 137 ¡°I¡¯m too much woman to be your side chick, I¡¯m an all or nothing kind of guy when ites to you.¡± Daniel doesn¡¯t even look back. There¡¯s a moment of pause, his bodynguage changes subtly as he changes tonepletely. ¡°Have you heard from Letely?¡± His voice instantly tense, I catch Jake frowning at the back of his head rather pointedly for a moment. ¡°Why would you ask about Le? I thought you two stayed well clear of each other?¡± Jake sits up, I know that look on his face. A dog with a bone, sniffing out some little secret. Whatever he¡¯s caught onto has peaked his Rottweiler mode. ¡°No reason. Just, you know, sometimes I wonder how she is.¡± Daniel slides his food on the floor and lays out across the end of the bed lifting his feet up to getfy. ¡°Okay, cut the shit. What happened with Le?¡± Jake¡¯s domineering protective tone cuts in, he picks up the TV remote and pauses his movie, slides up, leaving meying on the bed and leans forward, arms braced on his bent knees. Daniel gets up and looks sheepish, hesitates then blurts it out. ¡°I kinda did a shitty thing. Don¡¯t go crazy ¡­ I know you¡¯re going to want to go crazy but swear. Swear on Emma¡¯s head¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you fucking dare!¡± Jake jumps to his feet at the side of the bed and stalks toward him menacingly, all male testosterone flying now. ¡°What did you do?¡± ¡°Look, maybe we should take this elsewhere, I mean, I know Emma and Le are kinda close.¡± Daniel¡¯s stalling, hands up defensively and Jake looks ready to start going twelve rounds with him. ¡°All the more reason she should know, because if Le needs a shoulder to cry on then I¡¯m pretty sure she would choose Emma over me. Spit it out.¡± Jake is mad and Daniel hesitates, eyes darting to the floor, fidgeting with a chopstick in his hand. He sighs heavily. ¡°We had sex ¡­ And then I kinda bailed out and didn¡¯t call her again.¡± Daniel at least looks sorry, his complexion losing all color. I tense and Jake goes stiff, fighter mode engaging, before he stalks away angrily, pacing around and muttering a string of curse words as he clenches and unclenches fists. I¡¯m shocked that Le would even look at Hunter, let alone sleep with him. I¡¯m devastated that he would treat her that way and the urge to go call her hits me monumentally in the stomach. I just re at him with severe hatred. ¡°What the fuck? I told you to stay away from her, you don¡¯t think you hurting her once was enough? Of all the women to fuck around on, she isn¡¯t one of them.¡± Jake¡¯s yelling, voice tense and waving hands at Daniel. I sit biting my lip, nervous of the unfolding scene. Confused that Jake¡¯s implying this isn¡¯t the first time he¡¯s hurt her. I want to punch Daniel in his smarmy face. ¡°I know, okay, I was aplete shit. I didn¡¯t know how else to deal with it.¡± Daniel is also pacing now in the opposite direction and they keep bypassing each other at the foot of the bed. ¡°You deal with it by not fucking sleeping with her. Did you learn nothing when you did it the first time around? You ripped her fucking heart out!¡± Jake¡¯s furious, Daniel even seems nervous of his rage and they¡¯re doing some sort of male walking around dance in a circle now with a lot of heightened tension. I almost choke on the thought that he and Le have been together twice in that way. I can¡¯t imagine it at all. ¡°I know ¡­ I know. Okay! Le¡¯s like goddamn kryptonite for me. I want her but then when I get her, I want to run for the hills man. You know me. I didn¡¯t go out to intentionally hurt her, it just happened.¡± Daniel slumps down on the bed and Jake looks exhausted. His anger drifting away quickly as his friend crumples, forlorn. ¡°How did it happen? You swore ¡­¡± The two of them sit down on the end of the bed, side by side and I watch intently. Silently drawing the back of Daniel¡¯s head daggers with my eyes. Asshole! ¡°I know ¡­ We were drunk, partying ¡­ You know how it is, you know how she is. All fun and smiles and flirty and then she kissed me. That¡¯s all it took.¡± Daniel gets up and runs a hand through his hair. ¡°Le is too good for me, I know that. I can¡¯t help myself though. I haven¡¯t talked to her since ¡­ Jake, maybe you could ¡­¡± ¡°Hell no. Not this time. You do the decent thing and you talk to her. You man up and you tell that girl you¡¯re sorry, stop being the asshole you always make her think you are.¡± Jake gets up too and they face each other. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say to her.¡± Daniel looks lost and they stand silently mulling it over, staring at one other. Daniel wary and Jake pissed. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°Can I just intervene? ¡­ Daniel, Le would probably feel a lot better if you just sent her a text and said something like I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m an asshole. She doesn¡¯t hold grudges. She¡¯s not naive and if it was just a one-night hook up then show her some respect at least. Treat her like a human, not a cast off.¡± I still want to punch him in the throat for hurting my beautiful little friend. ¡°That¡¯s the issue.¡± Jake turns to me with a look that seems deted. ¡°Daniel¡¯s been in love with her since forever, he just can¡¯t admit it to himself. So, he acts like a prize moron instead.¡± He throws an usatory re back at Hunter. I almost choke. I could never imagine the man-whore known as Hunter to give two craps about any woman let alone love one. I was with them on the boat, he had his porn star and she was with one of Jake¡¯s twin friends, neither seemed to care that the other had dates. ¡°I¡¯m not in love with her, she just makes me crazy.¡± He paces away and then back as though he¡¯s unsure how to behave. ¡°Scared. I think that¡¯s the word you¡¯re looking for.¡± Jake crosses his arms across his chest and stands tapping a bare foot, watching Hunter mull around. ¡°Shut up. It¡¯s not love, I¡¯m not scared. It¡¯s just ¡­ It¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Complicated?¡± I butt in and sigh with a smile when I see the agreeing nod from him. ¡°Told ya.¡± Jake smiles at me. ¡°Totally.¡± I sigh. ¡°What? What the hell does that mean? You two have some coupley insidenguage now, or what?¡± Daniel¡¯s almost pouting as Jake and I turn to sigh at him a little sympathetically. ¡°I think I used the wordplicated maybe a dozen times to brush off how I really felt for Jake.¡± I point out. ¡°I think it was more like thirty times for me.¡± Jake shrugs. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake. You two need to back off, okay. Le is not the girl I¡¯m in love with. Enjoy your Chinese, I¡¯m going to hit the gym and then abuse your shower. I¡¯m staying the night so keep the noise down.¡± Daniel goes to storm off, but Jake halts him. ¡°Stay here, be, I need to have some words with my so-called best mate. I won¡¯t be long.¡± He kisses me again, his hand smoothing my hair back before he jumps up, leaving all the food behind and stalks out, closing the door behind him. I exhale heavily, a weird trepidation in my gut. I wait until everything goes quiet out in the sitting room before I get up and pull on some more modest clothing, pick up all the food and arrange it on the tray the security guard brought it all in on. I pad out of the room with it to the kitchen to get myself a drink andy it on the counter. I notice neither of them are in the open n space, they have obviously gone to Jake¡¯s games room, his room full of boy¡¯s gadgets, games consoles, and all things that I¡¯ve zero interest in. It¡¯s far down the hall that lies opposite Jake¡¯s room. I stand and ponder over what to do about Le. Ponder over whether I should call her or wait to speak to Jake. She¡¯s my friend but all of this is so wildly outside myfort zone, wildly outside my knowledge of sex and love and rtionships. They all seem to have history and I know nothing until Jakees back. If Daniel really is in love with her then Jake needs to talk sense into him, he needs to figure it out before Le can hear from him. I ache for my friend, having been the one on the receiving end of heartache for the past few months and agonize over how she must be feeling. I won¡¯t do anything until Jake tells me more, I need details, I need to know what¡¯s gone on between Daniel and Le to get them here. The wave of exhaustion runs over me,tely I haven¡¯t been getting enough rest thanks to Jake and his eternal spark and over potent libido, maybe I should just hit the sheets early tonight and sleep. No doubt Jake wille back and watch the rest of his movie, he could use the early night too. Despite his appearance of boundless energy there¡¯s no way he isn¡¯t as tired as I am. It¡¯s been a long couple of weeks already. Chapter 138 Chapter 138 Returning to the room I climb into bed properly, stripping back to his T-shirt and pick up a book from my bedside table, some light-hearted romance Le gave me that never piqued my interest back then. It¡¯s not toote but it¡¯s past seven, so going to bed isn¡¯t exactly unheard of. It¡¯s not long before my over exhausted mind drifts off mid-sentence. * * * ¡°Baby, no!¡± Jake¡¯s disappointed voice breaks into my sleepy state. ¡°I had ns for you.¡± His voice is husky and thick but I¡¯m too tired to open my eyes. ¡°I¡¯m exhausted.¡± I sigh, enjoying his hands on my face, the heavy weight of his body on top of me, he smells good, a little too good. ¡°You¡¯re such a lightweight, bambino ¡­ I¡¯m going to have to build your stamina up.¡± He kisses me on the forehead and lifts off me. ¡°I¡¯m going down to the gym with Daniel to expel some of this excess tension seeing as you¡¯re out of order. We¡¯ll talk tomorrow about Le, okay?¡± he murmurs softly, a finger stroking my cheek. I attempt to open one eye and focus on his gorgeous face inches above me, watching me with appreciation. ¡°He¡¯s spending the night, we¡¯ll be an hour or two ¡­ Sleep, bambino.¡± He leans down, kisses me on the mouth again and leaves me to get the first decent night¡¯s sleep I¡¯ve had since I was pulled into his arms on that dance floor. * * * I wake up alone in the huge bed, but Jake¡¯s side is messed up as though he¡¯s been here, I nce at the clock on his side, it¡¯s early, before 6.00 a.m. I vaguely remember him telling me that he needed to get back into his routine, early morning jogging and gym now that we¡¯re home. It seems that having me in his bed means he no longer drags me out to run like he used to, he¡¯s neglected it since we¡¯ve been together. Not that he needs it with all the extra activitytely, I certainly don¡¯t. I roll over to his side and inhale his pillows, the bed smells of him, his aftershave, and personal scent which is moreforting than any smell in the world. I wrap my arms around his cushions sighing heavily and fall back asleep. I wake again with the rm at seven and I can hear him in the shower off our room, it sounds like he¡¯s singing, and I stifle a giggle, he¡¯s surprisingly melodic. I close my eyes and listen intently. Actually, he¡¯s more than melodic, Jake has a really sexy singing voice ¡­ I¡¯m more than impressed. I¡¯m literally swooning at this unexpected talent he has. He sounds like a singer from a band I was obsessed with in my teens, husky yet boyish, he could easily pull off soft rock with a voice like that. Desire overtakes me, and I slide out of bed and pad into the open bathroom, I strip off and slide into the shower behind him. He seems to sense my approach, stops singing and turns, catches me, and pulls me under the jets with him. ¡°She¡¯s awake!¡± He kisses me, wet faced and smelling of his familiar citrus shower gel and shampoo. ¡°Barely. That sexy voice called me through here.¡± I wrap my arms around his neck as he maneuvers me under the water and starts running his fingers through my hair, soaking it, and letting it trail down my neck. He picks up the shampoo bottle. ¡°My irresistible singing in the shower, had your heart all of a flutter did it?¡± He dollops the shampoo in his hand and starts massaging it into my hair and scalp a little roughly. ¡°Maybe ¡­ Calm the hands, Carrero, you¡¯re not washing a dog.¡± I lift my hands over his and slow down and ease his motion a little, helping him wash my hair. We stand for a moment while my hair is rinsed clean, his eyes flickering up and down the full length of me. I pause to reach for the shower gel which I put in here and he stops my hand. ¡°After ¡­ You¡¯re going to need it.¡± He gives me the naughty look I¡¯vee to know so well then knocks the breath out of me with his mouth against mine; in seconds he hoists me up to straddle him around the waist and pushes me back against the cold, tiled wall behind me. Deepening his kiss, his arms around me tightly, grinding against me with a fever that overtakes us both within seconds. My body never failing to react to this man. ¡°Do we still need a condom?¡± he asks gruffly, hands holding me up and I shake my head. I began oral contraception before heading out on the boat with him, the doctor assured me we should be okay after two weeks to stop with condoms. Which would be today. He remembered. It feels amazing to no longer have anything between us, just skin on skin. He makes love to me up against the tiles, slow and deliberate, his mouth exploring me and bringing me to dizzying heights effortlessly, savoring the new sensation. Water pouring overhead, the noise muffling out my moans and cries. * * * Leaning against his body on my own feet as he washes me, I ampletely rxed, my body still tingling, my breathing stillbored. He bends down, kissing my shoulder and neck every few strokes of lathering my skin, his hands massaging me seductively. I couldy back and fall asleep this way, he has no idea how much I trust him, how soothing his touch is. I could literally curl naked around him and let him do whatever he wants to me for an eternity without any fear or doubts. ¡°Baby?¡± he breathes softly behind me, his handse down over my shoulders and back, softly massaging soap into me with confident strokes, tracing patterns with his fingers across my skin. ¡°Mmm hmm,¡± I sigh,pletely mesmerized by his hands. ¡°After you went to bed, I got a call ¡­ I need to go to LA tonight. We¡¯re finally sitting down with the lawyers tomorrow ¡­ Marissa¡¯s agreed to some of the terms Iid out.¡± His tone is wary, and I stiffen. ¡°I want you toe with me.¡± I close my eyes and shake my head impulsively. If he¡¯s going to see her then I don¡¯t want to go. I don¡¯t want to sit in a hotel twiddling my thumbs or pacing around waiting for him toe back. I could be here at work, or with Sarah. Not obsessing over the two of them sitting across a table, talking about a linked future, and their child. The thought makes me feel sick. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go to LA,¡± I utter quietly. He moves closer, pressing against my back, his hot body heat warming me, but it doesn¡¯t help my internal chills. ¡°I don¡¯t want this to be something we fight about.¡± He runs his finger down the back of my neck, sending shivers through every part of me. nting a soft kiss between my shoulder des before bringing his mouth back up to nape of my neck, pushing my head to one side and tracing his lips across my jaw. I know what he¡¯s trying to do, seduction as distraction. Yeah, I¡¯m well versed in all the Carrero tricks I¡¯m afraid. I see through this. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go ¡­ To sit about waiting while you and she do whatever.¡± I sigh heavily. I want to stay in my little ignorant bubble pretending Marissa and this baby don¡¯t exist for a little while longer. When the child is born, it¡¯ll be a part of our lives for an eternity, for now I just want the bliss of the two of us and no outside disruptions. Later, when it¡¯s here, I can ept and get used to the new dynamics it will bring to our lives, but for now, I don¡¯t have to like it. ¡°I told you, Emma ¡­ She doesn¡¯t get to keep you out; you¡¯ll be at the meeting too.¡± His voice is determined. I spin on my heel so suddenly he almost loses his bnce. ¡°No!¡± I snap ¡°I don¡¯t want to go! ¡­ I don¡¯t want to be part of all that or to see her ¡­ And you ¡­ In the same ce.¡± Emotion fills me, and I try to turn away again, suddenly ashamed of my violent outburst. I don¡¯t want him to see just how insecure and jealous I am or can be. Embarrassed by my uncontrolled reaction. ¡°Bambino? ¡­ Emma? ¡­ Hey!¡± He grabs my face and hauls me back, pulling me against him, fresh tears rolling down my cheek. ¡°Okay ¡­ okay.¡± He soothes. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I just figured keeping you involved was the best way ¡­ I don¡¯t want to upset you, be.¡± He kisses me softly on the mouth, trying to soothe away my distress. He nibbles my lower lip, yfully trying to bring my mood back and quell my tears, it works a little and I begin to rx again. Sighing away the stupid emotions and wiping a hand across my already wet face. Completely pointless as every part of me is wet, Jake runs a thumb across my cheek with the same poor sess. Chapter 139 Chapter 139 Crying in the shower makes so much sense. ¡°I¡¯ll miss you while I¡¯m gone.¡± He smiles softly, bringing our heads together, the water from the shower still trickling over his hair and causing rivulets to run down his cheek onto my breasts in an almost mesmerizing pattern. ¡°We haven¡¯t slept apart since you told me you loved me,¡± I whisper shyly. ¡°It¡¯s been intentional.¡± He gazes at my mouth, a fingering up to trace my lips slowly. ¡°Don¡¯t m up on me, neonata ¡­ We should be talking about this.¡± He sees my expression tighten and backs off. My external bristle and cold mask connecting. Our eyes meet, and I catch the indulgent frown. ¡°Okay, but we will talk about this at some point ¡­ The babying is inevitable. I know your instinct is to shut down and nk it but I¡¯m not going to let you, not over this.¡± That stubborn set to his jaw and raised eyebrow tell me that he means it. I turn back around so I don¡¯t have to be interrogated by those eyes, tilting my head back so the water begins to rinse the left-over suds away from my hair, trying my best to make it clear that I¡¯m done talking about this. He takes a slow steady breath, readying himself to say something else and I cut in first. ¡°Just not today,¡± I mutter quietly, rxing when his hands smooth over my hair to free it from the shampoo residue. He kisses my head and carries on washing my shoulders and back. The thing about Jake is that he knows me, maybe not every inner thought but he¡¯s learned enough about me to know when the wall has gone back up. Old Jake would have got pissy and tried to push, but all new and improved Jake knows when to let the battle simmer. I know it won¡¯tst, his impatient, overbearing, self will win over and he¡¯ll push me again and I hope to god by then I can get my head around this enough to talk. ¡°Stay home with me today ¡­ We won¡¯t go to work, if I have to leave you tonight then I want us to do something besides sitting in two different rooms stressing over paperwork all day.¡± His hands move down my arms slowly, his body close enough it sends tiny shivers through me but he¡¯s not actually touching me. His height towering over me, his wide frame making me feel small and dainty and suddenly so very vulnerable. ¡°You can¡¯t just take days off to stay in bed with your girlfriend.¡± I turn and wrap myself in him, pushing away the sudden fragile emotional vibe I¡¯m feeling. ¡°Since I came back, workaholic Carrero seems to have run away.¡± he kneads my shoulders, so I tilt my head to the side, closing my eyes, enjoying the way it feels. ¡°Well if we stayed on the boat we wouldn¡¯t even be back by now, so I think I¡¯m entitled to take days off, besides, I was focused on my job because I had nothing else worthy of my attention. I now have you.¡± He tucks me back under his chin, so he can wrap his arms around me tightly and let his hands wander down my breasts teasingly. ¡°You had me before.¡± I push back against him yfully, my butt molding into his groin. ¡°Hence why I made you work every waking hour and then some ¡­ Had to find ways to be around your sexy little self almost constantly.¡± His husky voice is right next to my ear, it sends tingles through me. ¡°It¡¯s easy to be a workaholic when your PA is all you can focus on night and day and she¡¯s most definitely a ve driver.¡± His lipse to my throat as he traces my jaw from behind, slowly, achingly good. Jake has moves, I¡¯ll give him that. He knows how to seduce. ¡°So, I must be cking then, if now you¡¯re sox about work that you¡¯re pulling constant sickies.¡± I shove him off, giggling, batting his hands as they try to grope at me. He lifts me up off from my feet, wrapping his arms around me and squeezes me tightly, knocking the wind out of my sails, his mouth at my ear. ¡°Nope, you just got easy and let me do things I only fantasized about.¡± He drops me on my feet, turning me to him before bending down further and scooping me in a swift move so I¡¯m up and straddling him within seconds. My armsing around him and my legs gripping his waist. Back in the same position he had me in when he made love to me in here. He kisses me on the mouth, his elbow pushing the lever on the wall to cut the water off and carries me out of the cubicle, lifting towels from the heated rail with one hand. He slides me to my feet again, wrapping one around me the way you would wrap a child in an oversized towel and I pull it in, the warmth enveloping me as I watch him wrap one around his waist. He lifts another to dry his upper torso and then his hair, stopping toe and rub my hair a little brusquely. ¡°You¡¯re so romantic.¡± I giggle, enjoying hiszy smile and the glint of his green eyes, he¡¯s amused, a good turn in our conversation. Away from her. ¡°Soooo?¡± He pulls me close by the towel at my neck, nose to nose. ¡°Stay home or go to work?¡± I hesitate, it feels so wrong to choose to not go in to work, it goes against all of PA Emma¡¯s ethics and principles, that version of me lives for her job. Girlfriend Emma, however, is already thinking about getting back in bed and being curled up in those tanned, tattooed arms with his wide chest only inches in front of me. I sigh with the effort of the decision. ¡°Times up!¡± He grins, bending down to scoop me up and marches me back through to the bedroom, throwing me unceremoniously down on the bed so that I bounce and lose the grip of my towel. I squeal as he dives on top of me, yanking the towels away and pinning my arms beside my head, his mouth tilting in to devour my neck. I try to fight him off but he¡¯s relentless, pinning me down with arms and legs until I can¡¯t move, nibbling and biting and tickling me. I can¡¯t helpughing like a child. I¡¯m finally so exhausted from fighting and giggling that I stop trying, he leans over me looking utterly devastating. His hair ruffled and messy, his ted face more shadowy due to not shaving, muscles taut and bunching because of the way he¡¯s straining himself up. Carved perfection of ripples and lines that put most magazine models to shame and I can¡¯t believe it¡¯s all mine, I almost selfbust from longing, my body reacting instantly. My lips part, my eyes get heavy as we gaze at one another, expressions turning hot and serious in an instant. He leans down, nting a quick kiss on my lips then slides down the bed so his mouth trails down my abdomen. I giggle at the feather light touch, tickling me, his handse to my thighs, slide down slowly as he pulls my legs up at either side of him, pushing my knees outwards so I¡¯mpletely syed out in front of him. I gasp in surprise, a little vulnerable at the position, catching a wolfish grin and naughty glint as I gaze down at him, he looks unbelievably young like this. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. He bites his bottom lip, quirks his eyebrows, before yanking me down the bed a tad, making me yelp in surprise. He brings my pelvis underneath his face, my arms still stretched above my head. He¡¯s in dominant mode again, his mostfortable persona when ites to sex. I¡¯ve never really had to initiate much sex rted fun with him, he¡¯s always in control and ready to possess me. It makes him exciting and primal. It also takes away my insecurities about being too inexperienced with someone like him, not knowing how to behave or what to do to satisfy him, it¡¯s never been an issue as he¡¯s always just taken control of me effortlessly. Guided me, never made me feel like I had no clue to what I was doing. It¡¯s because I trust him. He dips his head showing only dark hair and strong shoulders from my viewpoint, my body arching as his mouth connects with my femininity. * * * Panting, I finally still, my legs flopping down with zero ability to hold them up any longer, my body sated and tired. He moves up and over me and gives me a slow, sexy kiss on my mouth, his tongue gently caressing mine with the taste of mypletion. Soft, erotic molding of mouths, gentle and toe-curling kissing. He pulls back with a satisfied look in his eye, the hint of a smile. Leaning over me like a predator surveying its dead prey proudly. I would let him dive in and devour me all over again just to feel this way every second. He bends as though to kiss me but pauses as there¡¯s a knock on the door. His face instantly changing to furrowed brow and irritation. ¡°What is it?¡± He barks back at the door. I stifle a giggle at his annoyance, it¡¯s a fate worse than death to interrupt Jake mid-sex. He smiles at me, shaking his head and jumps up to retrieve some sweatpants, throwing me a towel. I scurry up and wrap myself tightly before disappearing to the wardrobe, away from the view of the door. Chapter 140 Chapter 140 He opens it once he pulls the pants on and stops to talk to whoever is on the outside, keeping it closed enough to conceal the bedroom, conceal me in stages of undress. I can only hear mumbles. I wait with my towel around me, unsure if I should dress, unsure if he¡¯lle back to what we were doing. My body feels like liquid, I¡¯m sure if I look in the mirror I¡¯ll be glowing and flushed and showing signs of having been ravaged. I¡¯m breathless as hell and overheated. Heughs, and it catches my attention. I love hisugh, it¡¯s so deep and carefree and male, yet there¡¯s a hint of boyishness to his normally husky tone when heughs. I could close my eyes and listen to it forever. He shuts the door and turns around to see where I¡¯ve gone, his gaze returning to lust when he catches me still draped in my skimpy covering. I¡¯m surveying my clothes in the open cupboard in a bid to decide if I¡¯m to get dressed or get back on the bed. He inhales deeply as though trying to calm his inner libido with a hint of disappointment on his face. ¡°We need to continue thister ¡­ I forgot Daniel was here.¡± He grins, and I flush with embarrassment. Oh, my god, how loud was I? Did he hear that? I¡¯m beyond mortified. ¡°He¡¯sing to LA with me, be ¡­ Seeing as you won¡¯t.¡± He throws me a wary look but I only nod. Trying to ignore that remark. I don¡¯t like Daniel much right now, I don¡¯t like his influence over Jake, well the influence he had in the past, before us, and I don¡¯t like the fact he¡¯s just royally hurt my friend. We still have to talk about that. I need to show Jake that I¡¯m capable of trusting him; up until now it¡¯s been easy, we¡¯ve been together every second, there hasn¡¯t been a need to test the limits of my trust. Going to LA with Daniel is going to be a test and it terrifies me. I don¡¯t want my inner doubts and anxiety to affect my rtionship with him, my mind acting as my own worst enemy and obsessing over the man-whore he used to be, especially when he¡¯s going to see her. ¡°When will you get back?¡± I ask, trying to steer the conversation to neutral territory, to avoid any subject that may let jealous Emma rear her head and show her full ugliness. ¡°I¡¯m leaving around four, it¡¯s about a six-hour flight, so if I leave LA same time tomorrow, I should get home between eleven and midnight.¡± He walks over to me pulling out a red dress from my wardrobe, one he chose for me to wear the first time we ever went to his father¡¯s boat as friends. ¡°Here ¡­ I like this on you.¡± He hands it to me and kisses me on the cheek with a look that says ¡®please¡¯. He knows better than to make demands on my choices, but I don¡¯t mind a gentle nudge if it makes him happy. It¡¯s a knee length summer dress with a floaty over skirt, a bit formal for lounging around the apartment. He chose this long before I was even more than just his PA and I nce at him quizzically. ¡°We¡¯re all going out for breakfast,¡± he answers. ¡°Seems this apartment echoes a little too much, amante, and Daniel is threatening toe in and hose us down if we keep at it. What can I say? He¡¯s a little jealous that you get to have all of this.¡± He gestures down his naked torso with a wink and I just roll my eyes in response. He bends down, fishing out the silver sandal wedges I wore with this dress on the boat, I¡¯m awed at his memory and smile as he hands them to me. The fact he remembered makes me all warm and gooey inside. He really was enamored back then to remember every detail of my outfit. I reach in and pull out a soft gray cardigan for over the top of the dress, it¡¯s short and fitted and feels like cashmere; another Donna Moore purchase on Jake¡¯s expense ount, his personal shopper for all things Emma-rted, it seems. It¡¯ll take some of the formal out of the look and ward against the slight chill in the air. He walks off to the other wardrobe door and yanks out his trademark ck shirt and jeans, a leather jacket I haven¡¯t seen before, with racing logo badges on one sleeve and a pair of ckced boots. I love him as sexy casual Carrero more than I like him in suits, it goes more with his bad boy look and youth, makes him less intimidating and more approachable. He walks off with his clothes into the bathroom leaving the door open and the buzz of his shaver goes on. He never fully shaves, just keeps his stubble trimmed for that sexy, designer look. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen him without a five o¡¯clock shadow since the day I met him. Margo, my old mentor and now his PA once more, told me that he feels like he looks like a kid when he shaves it all off, that clean-shaven baby-faced look is just so not him anyway. It also doesn¡¯tst as his dark hair and Italian roots means it grows in fast through the day and never fully looks gone, even if he were to have a wet shave. I dress quickly, brushing out my damp hair and blow drying it fast, the one good thing about my shorter wavy hair is it requires no maintenance, it styles itself. I throw on the most basic of make-up and a spritz of perfume and am ready by the time he walks out of the bathroom, fully clothed and smelling divine. He looks me up and down appreciatively. ¡°Beautiful, as always, mia cara.¡± He takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, gently kissing my knuckles in a very gentlemanly fashion. ¡°Have you got everything?¡± His eyes focus on mine, today they look hazy, softer green with hints of silver flecks, rxed and happy. I nod, lifting my handbag from the floor with my free hand and follow him out of the room into the sitting room. Daniel is lounging on one of the long, low couches using his phone, dressed in practically identical attire to Jake. Either it¡¯s this season¡¯s hot look or we have a little bit of imitation going on and I can hazard a guess that it¡¯s on Daniel¡¯s part. He has both feet up on the leather even though he¡¯s wearing shoes. Jake yanks at a leg and causes both feet to slide off, throwing him a frown of disdain. I try to shield my smirk; Jake has a lot of pride in his apartment, unlike most rich New York penthousers, he chose and designed everything in here. From paint colors to furniture and he keeps the ce pretty neat, despite having a housekeeper that I rarely see. It annoys him that when Danieles over, he treats it like a hotel, leaving stuff around, putting his shoes on the white, Italian leather. Even as PA Emma, I used to deal with Jake¡¯s bitching fits whenever Daniel stayed with him. I think Daniel enjoys the reaction it causes; they have many a heated row with Jake never shy to voice hisints. ¡°Ready?¡± He flicks Daniel¡¯s head as he passes him, and Hunter causally slides up, extending his middle finger toward him. The nature of their friendship has always amused me. Jake still has my hand, pulling me with him as he leads the way to the door; I catch Daniel looking me up and down and recoil at that slide of eyes down my legs and over my cleavage. My repulsion of the male sex still intact despite the ability to let Jake devour me. I can¡¯t help it, even though I¡¯ve let Jake do things to me, be with me in so many ways. I¡¯ve learned that he¡¯s the exception. Men still make me cringe; I recoil at the touch of a strange man and my skin crawls when they look me over. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever get over that. We pass two ck d security men in the outer hall and smile our goodbyes when I catch a glimpse of Nora teetering into another room further down, she has a hoover in hand, off to tend to this apartment and go about her day. I sometimes forget how big this ce actually is. Jake bristles as Daniel gets extremely close to my rear nearing the door, so close he¡¯s almost spooning me from behind. His phone in hand, he¡¯s focused on the screen and walking faster than I am so isn¡¯t really paying attention to his proximity. I sense his body heat get close and instantly feel ufortable. ¡°Hey, never heard of personal space?¡± Jake pushes him in the shoulder yfully, knocking him backward and pulls me to his other side, a protective arm around my shoulders and a re thrown at Daniel that looks less than amused. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°I¡¯m sure if I wanted to butt hump your woman, I wouldn¡¯t let you watch.¡± Daniel throws him a cheeky smile and ducks as Jake swings a hand at his head. ¡°You even try getting within a foot of her butt and you¡¯ll suffer like no man ever has.¡± Jake lets go of me and grabs Daniel in a head lock, the two carrying on like teens in a yground. Batting at each other, Jake squeezes a little harder and Daniel turns puce. ¡°For goodness sakes, boys ¡­ Children!¡± I snap as they separate to stand apart, sly jabs at each other and stupid pulled faces. Acting as though they just got busted by their mommy. ¡°Asshole,¡± Jake mutters at him under his breath as he leans in, giving me a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. ¡°Dickhead.¡± Daniel prods Jake in the back and swans past us to lead the way out of the apartment. They exchange haughty res, but I know it¡¯s only in jest. I hope it¡¯s only in jest anyway. I get the distinct impression that Jake would never leave me alone with his so-called best friend, there seems to be a distinctck of trust and I hope it¡¯s for Daniel and not me. My mind casts back, trying to decipher if he¡¯s ever given me a hint that he didn¡¯t trust him, and I falter. His childhood best friend and ex-girlfriend Marissa betrayed him, I guess not trusting friends and lovers is ingrained now. I know it wasn¡¯t Daniel. He told me he no longer has ties to the man in question, but I guess it¡¯s a deep insecurity inside of Jake, without knowing it, that he can never really trust best friends. I hope he realizes that not all women are like her. I¡¯ve seen hints of jealous Jake but nothing concerning, nothing to make me think that he wouldn¡¯t trust me, and I will never betray him. Chapter 141 Chapter 141 The hotel restaurant is bustling despite the earliness of the day. Daniel was quick to invite a leggy blonde beauty to join us for breakfast and is currently trying to feed the poor bimbo strawberries, managing to drop most into her exposed cleavage and fish them out manually. It¡¯s cringe worthy. Jake watches him with a serious frown creasing his brow and he eye rolls every time Daniel swoops in for another berry. We both know he¡¯s using the girl as padding, so Jake won¡¯t bring Le, up again. That sweet bundle of blonde, Daniel is hopelessly in love with. Jake has pretty much got nowhere with him on that front. The girl giggles hopelessly, pretending to be embarrassed but the look on her face shows she isn¡¯t shy about it at all. Jake looks down and starts flicking through his phone with one hand, answering messages from his little brother, coffee held in the other while I eat my pancakes beside him. We¡¯ve been here around a half hour and conversation has been strained. Jake stuck on wanting to talk and Daniel doing his absolute best to make it impossible. I¡¯m tired today, happy to sit in silence and eat while Jake¡¯s beside me, absorbed in Arrick, on his cell and Daniel¡¯s acting like aplete sleaze in a five-star hotel¡¯s dining room. I catch the girl throwing a flirty look Jake¡¯s way for the fiftieth time as Daniel¡¯s mouth heads back to her cleavage, my inner rage washing over me. It¡¯s obvious that despite being Daniel¡¯s date and allowing him to eat food from her boobs she has the hots for Jake and a hope he might be interested. My Jake ¡­ My man! I re at her coolly, wondering if stabbing a fake breast with a fork would cause an explosion of silicon. I¡¯m hardly able to conceal my jealousy as I stare at her across the table, yet she seemspletely oblivious or just doesn¡¯t care. Jake¡¯s movement catches my eye, he puts his cup down, scratches his chin absent mindedly, stretches out his jaw in such a typically male way, his eyes still glued to his phone, unaware of the devastating effect any of his little macho mannerisms have on the female poption. I catch her staring openly at him, her lips parting, her eyes growing heavy with desire. The anger inside me snaps finally and I throw down my fork and stand up fast. ¡°I¡¯m going to the bathroom.¡± I smile tightly, voiceced with venom. Jake¡¯s questioning lookes to meet me, seeing the direction of my re, he looks across and catches the she devil¡¯s lusty focus on him. She has the nerve to bite her lip and wink, Daniel¡¯s face fully buried in her bust. Ugghh. Jake turns back to me quickly with a raised eyebrow and I smile as if to say ¡®yup¡¯ before I turn to leave but he catches me by the wrist, yanks me down toward his face and hits me with a jaw dropping kiss that¡¯s a bit too steamy for a morning breakfast table. It makes my knees go weak and I almost end up in hisp, my face flushing with heat at having to grab his upper arms to steady myself. Releasing me finally, I¡¯m left panting, he smacks my ass firmly and loudly as I attempt to walk off, pulling a shocked giggle from me. Jake¡¯s devilish smile and wink, iming his territory and sending the other girl a clear message. Not interested, sister! A nce back shows he¡¯s smirking to himself but fully focused back on his phone while the busty girl is more than a little annoyed. She looks utterly disgusted. My inner Emma swells with satisfaction, he¡¯s no idea how much what he just did made me love him even more. Only Jake could understand what I had needed in that moment, even if it was ridiculous. It¡¯s why he¡¯s perfect for me. All my crazy fucked-up-ness and all. On my return, I find Jake arguing with Daniel over some sport, something to do with the New York Yankees no doubt. The girl is staring at the te in front of her, oozing boredom now Daniel has lost interest in her ¡°assets¡± and Jake¡¯s given her zero attention. I slide down beside him, instantly smiling as his armes around my shoulders, pulling me over to him, he shifts in his chair so that he can stay this way, me nestled in and continues talking to Daniel. I take a moment to look the bimbo up and down and catch her doing the same to me. She¡¯s wondering what I have that she doesn¡¯t. She¡¯s wondering how someone like me has managed to pull Jake Carrero into an actual rtionship. I smirk at her with malice and turn my face into his shoulder to snuggle in. A huge surge of satisfaction at her expression and the sheer envy she isn¡¯t even trying to conceal. ¡°Emma could knock one out better than him.¡± Jake¡¯s voice breaks into my inner dialogue and I look up at him in confusion, he¡¯s talking to Daniel about baseball still. ¡°Guy hits worse than a girl.¡± Jake motions for the waitress to refill the coffee mugs and sits back as she leans over to do so. ¡°You¡¯re clueless. Just stick with jumping out of perfectly good airnes and leave the baseball to real men.¡± Daniel swipes his mug and starts downing the refill. I move to the side as the waitress leans in to fill mine up with a gentle smile. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t know how to be a real man even if Emma wrote you a checklist.¡± Jake leans out and flicks Daniel on the forehead, Daniel¡¯s dyed batting of his hand misses it entirely. ¡°Leave me out of this.¡± I shove Jake¡¯s elbow yfully, catching his animated expression, he¡¯s entering childish Carrero mode and Daniel has no chance against that. ¡°Emma is way more man than you, Jake. Maybe get some pointers for yourself, I bet she talks sports better than you do too.¡± He slides his mug back on the table and barely nces toward bimbo, she¡¯s making motions as if to get up. No one acknowledges her. ¡°I honestly don¡¯t know anything about sports and trust me, he¡¯s all man.¡± I smile adoringly at Jake. ¡°You, on the other hand ¡­¡± I throw him a questioning look and smirk. Jakeughs heartily. ¡°Meaning?¡± Daniel¡¯s retorts in defensive mode. ¡°Real men don¡¯t sleep with girls they obviously have feelings for then leave them hanging.¡± Jake interjects on my behalf, almost in tune with exactly what I was about to say. ¡°Pot, kettle, ck!¡± Daniel frowns at Jake, his stubbornness veils his face. ¡°Okay, I admit, I fucked-up when it came to Emma but look where we are now. Man up, Daniel. Le isn¡¯t always going to be avable; some guy will swoop in while you¡¯re busy chasing your own ass.¡± Jake leans back in his chair, one arm draped across my back, so he can stroke my shoulder and the other on the table, sprawled down in his seat casually. Daniel sits up and tenses. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°Look, can we drop this?¡± Daniel rolls his eyes toward the bimbo, like she matters, and both Jake and I smile in unison. Neither of us believe she cares; she¡¯s absorbed in her phone with a face that pretty much says she¡¯s oblivious to anything we¡¯re talking about. Disinterested. ¡°I¡¯ll drop it when I know you¡¯ve at least called her and groveled. She deserves more; you know it as well as I do. You know her story.¡± Jake is fed up, sits back as his hand runs across my back. Daniel just seems evasive. ¡°I will ¡­ When I figure out what to say to her,¡± Daniel mumbles and everyone is alerted to bimbo¡¯s leaving with the scrape of her chair and dramatic hair toss aimed at Daniel¡¯s face. Daniel sees it as an excuse to evade more interrogation and offers to walk her out. She doesn¡¯t acknowledge us as he guides her out, just a moody re and she¡¯s off. I have to admit, I do feel a little bit guilty that we were just the most awful breakfastpanions, but then she did spend most of it eye-raping my boyfriend. ¡°Do you think he¡¯ll call her?¡± I ask when they¡¯re gone, the look on Jake¡¯s face says it all and I bristle in anger. ¡°It is what it is,¡± he says tightly, still looking across the restaurant. ¡°Daniel¡¯s messed up in the head when ites to women; thank his mother for that. Le is caught up with a guy who¡¯s too afraid to feel anything for her and too in love with her to stay away.¡± He puts down his mug without taking a drink and picks up his phone instead, his little habit making itself known. Jake fidgets with things when he¡¯s being evasive, when something is really bothering him. Chapter 142 Chapter 142 ¡°What exactly did his mother do to him?¡± I slide my arm through his now that he¡¯s got both hands on his phone and rest my head against his shoulder. Looking up at him with wide-eyed, inquisitive adoration. ¡°Let¡¯s just say Daniel caught her in a lot ofpromising positions from early in life with men who weren¡¯t his father. She had time for affairs but never any time for her only kid or her actual husband. The boy has serious mommy issues that I don¡¯t even think he understands, and hepletely idolizes his father.¡± Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°So that¡¯s why he surrounds himself with endless porn stars and one-night stands?¡± I blink in surprise, this little insight into a guy I thought was just a jerk and a sex addict. Maybe he has as many issues as me. ¡°Daniel doesn¡¯t trust women; he doesn¡¯t have much respect for them either. He looks at them all the same way he looks at his mother. The guy needs therapy but try telling him that.¡± Jake throws me a look that means the conversation is over as we see Daniel swaggering back toward us, his hands jammed in his jean¡¯s pockets. Watching him walk over with renewed knowledge helps me see him in a different light. The face I always dismiss as smarmy and arrogant looks a little lost and vulnerable, the confident swagger more like a veil to hide an insecure person. Something I know about all too well. ¡°We done here?¡± Daniel looks us over and doesn¡¯t attempt to sit. ¡°We¡¯ll meet you back at the apartment before two,¡± Jake says. ¡°I want to take Emma shopping for some things we need.¡± He nces at me with a nk expression as though checking if I¡¯ve any objections, I just smile up at him. I¡¯ve never been shopping with Jake. I used to either deal with it for him or had no part in it. He did it on his own time and despite most men avoiding any form of clothes shopping or anything shopping, Jake seems to enjoy it. ¡°We?¡± Daniel smirks and I dismiss the urge to make a face at him. Still a jackass under that sad look. ¡°She lives with me, Daniel. There are things we need. I know that¡¯s beyond any of your mental capabilities toprehend. You know? What a rtionship is.¡± Jake smirks at him and throws down the napkin he was using on his hands, standing fast and pulling my chair out for me then offering a hand to help me up. ¡°I thought you were just shacked up temporarily for some hot sex and tension release, I didn¡¯t predict you joining the long line of shackled men in the world.¡± He grins but Jake just shakes his head at him. ¡°Green isn¡¯t your color, princess. I know you¡¯re hot for me, Danny Boy, but don¡¯t belittle yourself in this way.¡± Jake, now beside Hunter, pats his butt and gets a p back in the chest. ¡°Whatever, asshole.¡± Daniel grins and we turn to go. Heading out through the hotel foyer into the bright morning light. ¡°We leave for LA at two ¡­ Don¡¯t bete as I won¡¯t wait for you.¡± Jake continues, Daniel shrugs then turns and takes off with a grin toward our car with Jefferson patiently waiting. ¡°He can drop me off first then. You pansies can enjoy your shopping without a third wheel.¡± He throws back, but Jake just shrugs in return. ¡°Take him, we can walk ¡­ I need the air.¡± We watch Daniel slide into the car and turn away toward the busy streets. Jake¡¯s hand already entwined with mine. He stops me from walking forward with a small tug and I¡¯m pulled back to face him. ¡°Can¡¯t go anywhere with you looking like that without doing this first.¡± Jake leans down kissing me softly, his handing to the back of my neck before he deepens the intensity. Pretty soon he has me almost panting as his tongue smoothly caresses mine, his lips brush delicately and his whole mouth makes me melt against him. It¡¯s a sensual kiss, meant for the pleasure of the kiss yet he has me burning up with longing. Finally, he lets me go and I lean back on my heels, unaware I was on tiptoe. ¡°Bit sexy for the pavement, isn¡¯t it?¡± I giggle as he smooths the corner of my mouth with his thumb, fixing my nude lipstick smudges. ¡°Staking a im on my beautiful girl. Too many men already checking you out.¡± He grins and turns me with a twirl under his arm as though we¡¯re dancing before pulling me along the sidewalk toward the hustle and bustle of the busy, New York streets. Chapter 143 Chapter 143 I giggle as Jake finally releases me from his arms in the changing cubicle, shaking my head at him in disbelief. My face must match the color of the dress I¡¯m trying to retrieve from the floor. His eyes dark and wicked, buttoning up his shirt with a huge grin on his face as I try my hardest to get dressed without being knocked into the narrow walls, it¡¯s so cramped in here. I can¡¯t believe he managed to get me naked and have sex without knocking the feeble walls down. ¡°Was this your n from the word go? iming to need me in the changing room to admire your shirt choices.¡± I dart up at him while trying to get my bra straps on untwisted, he drops his shirt and instead straightens the strap on my shoulder, reaching behind me to help straighten it. He answers with a wolfish grin, dimples on disy. Why am I even surprised by this? I should have known the second his hand ran under my skirt as we walked to the changing area. He¡¯s close enough that I can practically lick his pecks without moving my head, the smell of him intoxicating, as always. It¡¯s insane how good he always smells. I am trying to keep quiet, knowing that the busy shop out front is probably aware what the young couple has been up to, seeing it¡¯s taken almost forty minutes in the farthest dressing room from the front to try on two shirts. We tried to stifle the giggles and then the moans. Jake is incorrigible, only he could seduce all reason out of me and have me doing things in a boutique like this. He leans down and catches me in another passionate kiss, stilling me for a second, unable to ever refuse him. ¡°They won¡¯t care as long as I spend copious amounts of money before we leave.¡± He winks, returning to doing up his shirt. He turns his attention to his jeans, adjusting things before buttoning them up too. He¡¯s effortlessly back to normal, not hard when you always look casual and slightly ruffled anyway. On the other hand, I¡¯m flushed, my hair probably wild and my dress has been crushed to death and wrinkled beyond repair as we have trampled on it a lot. I manage to step into the dress, holding it with an extended arm, the other hand against Jake¡¯s torso for stability and pull it up finally. Jake turns me to zip it up, presses his mouth against the back of my shoulder before helping me slide my cardigan back on. We kept our shoes on as bending down in here is almost impossible and I look around for mycy panties and don¡¯t see them anywhere. I frown, lifting first one foot then the other before noticing him watching me with the hint of a smile across his face. ¡°They¡¯re in my back pocket.¡± He grins with a raised eyebrow, the look of wickedness returning. ¡°Why and how?¡± Iugh. I didn¡¯t even see him retrieve them. ¡°Because that¡¯s where I put them when I got them off you and that¡¯s where they¡¯re staying until we get home ¡­ Maybe even after I go to LA.¡± He grins as I cross my arms and give him my best PA Emma look that means ¡®I don¡¯t think so¡¯. He just turns, ruffling my hair, and opens the door before striding out. I follow him, instantly annoyed He is being serious? I can¡¯t walk around in a short dress without underwear ¡­ I follow him, attempting a grab at his back pocket but his handes around catching my wrist and pulls me forward. ¡°There they stay.¡± Hemands with that glint ofmander and chief, I furrow my brows and try my best angry re, but it only amuses him more. ¡°You¡¯re unbelievably sexy like this.¡± He whispers pressing his mouth to mine, still smiling through his kiss. ¡°Why would you want to leave me panty-less while walking the streets of windy New York in a very floaty dress?¡± I grind out through gritted teeth, he stays close, his voice low, his handing to trace my lip seductively ¡°Because it¡¯s all I¡¯ll think about when we¡¯re walking out there, and it will make me want to fuck you ten times more.¡± ¡°Like you need any encouragement.¡± I raise a brow, pushing a kiss on him then walk away. If he wants to y games then fine, he¡¯ll regret this one. Jake likes his little sexual games, he likes teasing me to death, likes to have little internal jokes. Maybe I should start learning to do the same. I walk into the shop, trying to push down my embarrassment as several women stop and nce at us departing from the changing area with knowing looks. He brought me in here because he wanted some new shirts, which he¡¯s left lying in that changing room. Half the shop sells women¡¯s clothes, so I stroll over casually, as though I¡¯m browsing. I wait until I know he¡¯s followed me then I bend just enough to a lower rail so that my dress rides up dangerously close to my ass. I slowly straighten catching him watching, his hands move to his pockets as though he is about to surrender my underwear, then doesn¡¯t. He leans back against the pir he¡¯s standing in front of, the look of amusement on his face spreading. Hmmm, so he wants to enjoy the show, does he? He thinks he knows what I¡¯m doing. I know his desire to protect my modesty will kick in and he¡¯ll give me back my underwear. I walk around a tier of shelves with underwearid out and bend lower this time to look at the bottom row ofce things, my dress rides up and slides slightly, exposing a lot of thigh. Even for me it feels dangerously close to revealing my secret parts, the air odd against the exposed parts of me under the dress, but I give nothing away. I hear him inhale heavily despite being far away from me as my dress skims dangerously close. I spy a rail on the wall with some corset style Basques and reach up to get one down, the motion of stretching lifts my dress high, not enough to expose me fully but enough thigh and long legs to get Jake to push off the wall and walk over behind me. I wait, sure I¡¯ve won this little battle of the sexes and he regrets leaving my panty-less. But he just lifts down the one behind it and hands it to me instead, his body brushing against me from behind and a warm hand flicking across the thigh just under the curve of my naked ass. ¡°I prefer ck.¡± He smiles taking the harlot red and putting it back. I smile haughtily and turn away from him throwing it over my shoulder. Fine, maybe he needs a new kind of message thrown his way. I move over to a whole wall of sexy lingerie and stand as though I¡¯m trying to decide, I pick up several pairs of boring panties in every color from the shelf below and throw him a defiant look. He suppresses a grin, still watching where I go and what I do. I¡¯ve no idea anymore ¡­ It¡¯s like trying to win over a master of his craft and I¡¯m failing. I decide I¡¯ll just buy all the panties, the most unattractive ugly, full butt-covering, practical ones I can find and then I¡¯ll go straight to the dressing room and put all five pairs on just to annoy him. And, yes, I¡¯ll choose every color minus ck. I throw him a rebellious look and drop the corset on the pile of knickers as though it disgusts me. He narrows his eyes at me, as though he¡¯s thinking, then he turns to the nearest assistant and loudly says, ¡°Can you help my girlfriend pick some new underwear out ¡­ Preferably ck and fuckable as I ripped hers off and she¡¯s currently goingmando.¡± He grins and throws me a triumphant look as every face in the shop snaps around to stare first at him, then me. Gob smacked. My face turns puce and I spin awaypletely mortified. I don¡¯t know whether tough, cry, or throw what I¡¯m holding at him and storm out. I¡¯m frozen to the spot. ¡°Ummm, sure ¡­ Yes.¡± The girl stammers, and I¡¯m not so sure if it¡¯s because of his statement or if it¡¯s him as she turns every shade of pink there is and hurries to my side. I throw him a re as shees over, fussing and taking the pants from me. She looks at the ones I¡¯ve chosen with surprise and looks to him as though needing his permission. He shakes his head and she puts them all back down. How the hell did this turn into a lingerie buying trip? One where he gets to dictate what I pick out? He¡¯s turning this to his advantage again. ¡°Actually, I don¡¯t need underwear,¡± I snort loudly, stubborn Emma kicking in. ¡°I like the feeling of not wearing any.¡± I remark and walk past her, then him, with my chin in the air. I stop at a rail of all in one cat suits and re at him pointedly. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll start dressing in such ways that my panties are inessible after this.¡± I pout before walking out of the shop, his smirk following me before he even attempts to. He¡¯s fast to catch up, trying to grab for my hand but I pull it away, keeping my face turned so he can¡¯t tell if I¡¯m mad or not. I know I should be but somehow, I¡¯m not. I feel strangely powerful. I should torture him this way as I know it¡¯s one way I¡¯ll win ¡­ He may be the dark lord of sexual prowess, but I know how to shut him out, close down on him so he doesn¡¯t know what I¡¯m thinking, and I know he hates that more than anything. ¡°You mad at me, bambino?¡± He soothes but I catch theughter in his voice. So, he thinks he¡¯s funny? ¡°I¡¯m perfectly fine,¡± I snap coldly, keeping my gaze averted as I walk fast, trying to stay in front of him. ¡°You¡¯re sexy when you¡¯re pissed.¡± He breathes into my ear, my skin tingles in anticipation but I steel it back, keeping my cool. Old Emma effortlessly moving in. ¡°I¡¯m not pissed ¡­ I¡¯m not anything,¡± I utter matter of factly, all emotion devoid in my tone of voice. He catches my hand again; this time keeping a hold and hauls me back around to him. I don¡¯t look at him but down at our hands, keeping my face still, nk, and expressionless. ¡°Now are you mad because I stole these?¡± He holds up the ckce that he¡¯s retrieved from his back pocket and currently letting half the sidewalk see. ¡°Or because I announced it to a shop full of uptight women that I fucked you and left you without them?¡± He grins at me, nothing in his face saying he¡¯s even minorly bothered that I may be in a bad mood right now. It only annoys me more. His normally clear green eyes look very dark, his pupils have erged crazily even in the brightness of the day. I push them aside as though it doesn¡¯t bother me that he¡¯s holding them for all to see, I act like I don¡¯t even want them and instead shrug. ¡°I¡¯m not annoyed in the slightest ¡­ I happen to like this ¡­ Isn¡¯t the first time I¡¯ve gone panty-less for a man.¡± I smirk as his expression dropspletely. That little flicker of doubt, and suddenly he¡¯s the one looking pissed. Luckily, he¡¯s no memory of the fact he was also the one who made me that way, the night he first took me home after the dance and shredded my underwear in the back of his limo and then the night he got me on his car bo then dumped me home. I turn to move away but he hauls me back a little aggressively, anger searing across his face. ¡°When? With who?¡± he yells at me,pletely losing his cool. I suppress the smile forming on my lips, lifting my chin defiantly. He likes reactions, now I see why. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t start games if you can¡¯t handle them.¡± I smirk, attempting to pull myself free again but his rage only heightens, pulling me hard into his chest so that I catch my breath. ¡°Thought you weren¡¯t the jealous type?¡± I retort. the heat emitting from him doubles in ferocity, he¡¯s raging, aggression peaking inside but it only makes me feel a little bit empowered. Serves him right. He started this and when I tell him it was him it will end this little mood of his. So, for now I¡¯m dishing it back at him and enjoying the rare upper hand. Chapter 144 Chapter 144 ¡°Over something like this, Emma, I¡¯ll literally rip heads off.¡± He snaps at me, pure fury in those normally calm eyes and I lose my courage, his voice is venom. I flinch in fright as his hand grips my wrist harder. The inner fear of male aggression takes over, I reach up with my free hand and snatch back my underwear, hauling my hand free and shout at him impulsively. ¡°You¡¯ve a goddamn nerve! With the amount of conquests, you¡¯ve had? ¡­ It was you! Jackass!¡± I snap and turn on my heel to storm away, tears instantly pricking my eyes. From our happy morning to this, I don¡¯t even know how we got here. I feel like bawling. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. I should never y games with Jake; I learned a long time ago that it only ignites this side of him. Even before I was his, when I was just PA Emma, I saw this side of him when I tried to get a rise from him. Jake likes to be the one to initiate and control games on his terms, but when it swings back at him, he instantly goes into death mode. So, stupid. People who love each other don¡¯t do things like this. He grabs my upper arm and tugs me back, turning me to face him and halting me once again in the street. People continue pushing past uninterested in the little domestic going on. ¡°Neonata, I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Emma, baby, please don¡¯t.¡± the tear trickles down my cheek as he pulls me into him his arms,ing around me securely. He cradles my face against him, his hand on the back of my head. ¡°Perdonami, bambina, non ¨¨ questo quello che volevo,¡± he rushes huskily, falling into that habit of fluent Italian as he¡¯s overly emotional. It makes me stop and smile, I lift my chin up to him with a furrowed brow. It¡¯s rare that he does this, but on the asions he does it¡¯s the most beautiful sound in the world. A sign he is overwhelmed. ¡°What?¡± I giggle through tears and his expression softens. He smiles and pushes our foreheads together, sighing in relief. ¡°Ignore me ¡­ Only you can make me forget the art of the Englishnguage.¡± He grins, his mouth finding mine, kissing me softly yet passionately, all the hurt falling around our feet. He finally releases me from his kiss and searches my eyes with his. ¡°The first night after I told you I loved you and the night I stupidly dropped you at your apartment like an asshole too?¡± he questions, I nod. He remembers after all. ¡°I¡¯m an idiot, Emma ¡­ Everything you ever told me, I should have known it would only be with me. I just saw red, be ¡­I know I¡¯ve no right to be this way, especially with my past, but I can¡¯t help it. I know I wasn¡¯t the jealous type, but with you it¡¯s worse than bad. Do you think you can live with a boyfriend who gets so insanely green eyed that even his best friend was riding close to a broken nose this morning?¡± He looks away as though he¡¯s embarrassed, but it only makes me ted, I push my mouth on his and kiss him thoroughly, panting when we finally break apart. ¡°I like it,¡± I utter shyly; no one had ever made me feel the way he does or reacted like he does over me. ¡°I don¡¯t recall any time that I have given you reason to be jealous where Daniel was concerned though.¡± I add thoughtfully regarding him quizzically. He raises an eyebrow with a dramatic sigh and shakes his head ¡°For his own safety he should just keep at least five feet between you at all times.¡± He grins, grabs my hands in his, taking myce panties back from me and puts them in his inside jacket pocket with a smile. I just shake my head at him. ¡°I¡¯m still keeping these though ¡­ Until I get home again.¡± He swoops down, silencing me with a kiss before I can protest, and I finally give up. ¡°So, in the meantime I¡¯m to walk the streets without a stitch on under this skirt? What should I do if the wind exposes me and my overly jealous boyfriend catches another man ogling my assets?¡± I raise my eyebrows knowing this could very well happen. He frowns back at me only this time in thought and pulls his phone out, hitting the screen and putting it to his ear. He tells Jefferson where we are and to come immediately before hanging up. ¡°If I take you home and get you naked in my bed then we don¡¯t have to worry about it.¡± He smiles and hauls me into the circle of his arms again, a hand moving down over my ass as though he¡¯s going to make sure the wind takes my dress nowhere. Iugh at him and his severe inability to function normally. ¡°No shopping? I thought we so desperately needed things like shirts and underwear.¡± I tease. ¡°I don¡¯t need any more clothes right now ¡­ You definitely don¡¯t need any morece panties.¡± He grins naughtily as we wait for our car to appear. Chapter 145 Chapter 145 Jake pushes the cream cannelloni into my mouth, almost choking me with the amount he¡¯s picked up from the te. I struggle to push him away, stifling a giggle but he tries to ram it in further, close to choking me. I lift my hand and push him off, taking half out of my mouth and dropping it on the napkin in front of me, attempting to chew what¡¯s already there. He stuffs some into his own mouth, seemingly oblivious to what he¡¯s done to me. ¡°What is this deal you have with ramming food in my mouth?¡± I finally say, shoving his shoulder yfully. He leans around attempting another go at pushing more into my mouth, but I turn away. ¡°Jake!¡± I scold, pushing his hand back, he shrugs redirecting it into his own mouth instead. ¡°Feeding you is part of taking care of you.¡± He smiles but I only look at him with disbelief. ¡°There¡¯s feeding someone ¡­ You know like sexily in the movies? And then there¡¯s your version of trying to ram my mouth full in one fell swoop and almost choking me to death.¡± Iugh. ¡°Seeing how much you can fit in there.¡± He winks suggestively, and I turn crimson as I get what he means. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. Oh boy ¡­ we have never crossed the whole ¡®me giving him oral pleasure¡¯ yet, I wouldn¡¯t even know how, and he¡¯s never tried to initiate it. He¡¯s never mentioned it despite doing it to me so many times. Is this a hint? ¡°Before your overactive brain starts going on a time out, thinking I want you to drop your face in myp right now; I don¡¯t.¡± He looks at me pointedly, always able to read me before I even finished thinking it. ¡°You¡¯ll get there when you¡¯re ready and if you don¡¯t then it¡¯s not an issue.¡± He picks up another piece of cannelloni and points it toward my mouth. I shake my head and watch him eat it instead. For some reason, eating our meals on or in his bed cross leggedtely has started to be the norm. We¡¯re in stages of undress again aftering home and making out on the couch. Actually, more grinding and squirming hotly on the couch and trying to stop his wandering hands incase Nora appeared. His lust led to the bedroom soon after as he was unable to function knowing I had no underwear on, and it was obvious with the speed in which he got me naked. He¡¯s fed me what the housekeeper left us for lunch. Steak dinner followed by cream cannelloni, which is apparently a Jake favorite. I¡¯m full to bursting and his bed looks like a food explosion happened. I¡¯m wearing his shirt over my nakedness and he¡¯s only wearing his jeans. All that delicious torso and muscr back and arms on show. My favorite view of him. ¡°I hate girls who y with food and eat nothing except lettuce.¡± He finally adds, looking me up and down. ¡°You¡¯re thin and seem to have a fast metabolism, I like seeing you fed.¡± He smiles at me before another attempt at pushing food my way. ¡°Something sexy about a girl who eats normally.¡± ¡°I swear I¡¯ll be sick if you try that again ¡­ I¡¯m not you with your endless stomach.¡± Iugh, this time he aims at my nose smearing cream down my face then dives on top of me to lick it back off. I squeal and wriggle as his weight ttens me to the bed, his mouth sucking parts of my face the cream didn¡¯t even touch, he¡¯s trying to rub more on me that has smeared up his hand from my fighting him off. I squeal his name in objection, wriggling and battling those overly strong hands. Finally, he nts a kiss on my mouth, smiling as he does so, making meugh in the process. ¡°Sometimes you¡¯re like a child.¡± I push him up so he¡¯s no longerying all over me and he sets his hands down either side of my head to take his weight. My favorite view of Jake. ¡°Yeah, well get used to it, men never grow up, baby.¡± He picks up pieces of cannelloni and throws it toward the te, the sticky mess on the sheets making him frown. I look around at the carnage from eating a full lunch here. ¡°Your bed is a total mess.¡± I point out. ¡°It¡¯s our bed and I¡¯m not sleeping here tonight so good luck with gettingfy in it.¡± He grins, leaning down to kiss me again. I stop and sigh, reminded that he¡¯s leaving in a couple of hours, suddenly morose over that fact. It¡¯s only for one night but it¡¯s the why he¡¯s going and the fact we haven¡¯t been apart since we started this rtionship that I¡¯m feeling depressed about it. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me like that.¡± He breaks into my thoughts and leans in closer. ¡°You make me want to cancel it and stay home with you, bambino.¡± His eyese to mine and I try a happier look, despite wanting him to do anything else but go. ¡°You need to sort this out or she¡¯ll just keep trying to call the shots.¡± And endlessly calling with her huffs and demands as though she owns him. That makes me grumpier than hell and he grins before poking me in the frown. ¡°Definitely don¡¯t do that ¡­ Or I¡¯ll just run away with you and forget anything about responsibility.¡± He frowns too, flopping down beside me on the bed then flinches in disgust, arching up off the bed swiftly. ¡°What the ¡­? Ugghh.¡± He leans up looking over his shoulder at the splodge of cream down his back and sends me into hystericalughter. ¡°We should start using your dining table.¡± Iugh as he slides off the bed and grabs a towel to clean it off, he surveys the mess we¡¯ve made, seeing the gravy spills from the steak when he tried to get a hand up my thigh mid-eating. ¡°You think that¡¯s funny?¡± He locks on me menacingly. I watch him, stillid t on my back with amusement then squeal as he yanks the sheetspletely off the bed, causing me to roll with them andnd in a heap on the floor at his feet, bundled up in white and gray bedding. ¡°Hey!¡± I choke, trying to get out as a strong hand grabs my ankle and hauls me across the floor out of it all. I¡¯m picked up and thrown heavily on my back on the now single sheet covered mattress and he comes to straddle me with a determined look on his face. ¡°Little girls whough at their boyfriends deserve to be disciplined.¡± He pins my arms above my head with one hand then tortures me with tickles until I¡¯m howling, pinned under him expertly. I squeal with laughter, writhing and wriggling with protest until I¡¯m too exhausted to fight anymore and tears are pouring from my eyes. Unable to breathe properly. Finally, his relentless torture stills, and he moves to lay over me again, kissing me softly. ¡°You¡¯re a horrid boyfriend,¡± I gasp, trying to wipe my face and catch my breath, exhausted by him. A smile forming on my lips as he moves close enough to rub noses, leaning over me, toying with almost kissing me but keeping it just out of reach. ¡°I guess.¡± He smiles again,ing close as though he will, then moves back slightly with a gleam of wickedness. I get infuriated and lift my head to kiss him instead. He¡¯s quick and moves back smiling. ¡°Too slow!¡± He¡¯s enjoying this ¡­ yful, teasing Carrero has a new game. Torturing Emma! ¡°Fine!¡± I pout and turn my face away so he can¡¯t kiss me anymore, but he grabs my chin pulling me back with a look of sheer annoyance on his face that his game has been turned on him and hits me with an extra seductive, passionate kiss. That glint of childish rage in his eye that he has been out maneuvered. He moves over me with more than a nudge of his intentions. My body instantly igniting at the slightest signal that he wants sex and she¡¯s already purring. * * * ¡°Wake up, neonata ¡­ I need to go.¡± Jake¡¯s voice rouses me from my sleep. I¡¯m sprawled over the bed on nothing but a sheet with a fur throw over me,pletely naked. He exhausted me to the point I finally passed out, I have no idea how long I¡¯ve been asleep and now he is going. I open my eyes in protest, looking at him like a child who¡¯s about to cry. ¡°I know, baby ¡­ It¡¯s almost four, I¡¯mte as it is because of this. I should have gone already ¡­ Daniel¡¯s already downstairs in the car.¡± He kisses me, leaning over me on the bed, fully dressed in a dark suit and dark shirt left open at the cor and he smells like he always does. Aftershave and his own special scent. He kisses me longingly, his handing up to tangle in my hair, his bodyes down to rest on mine gently, suddenly, I want to cling to him and not let him go. Emotion getting the better of me and anxiety piquing. Chapter 146 Chapter 146 He¡¯s going to see her; he¡¯s going to stay away from New York and talk about his future with Marissa¡¯s baby and I don¡¯t want it to be happening. ¡°Nora wille in and change the bed for you, bambino, she¡¯ll make you dinner around five ¡­ Make sure you eat, okay?¡± He lingers over me, a look in his eye of reluctance. ¡°I¡¯ll be back before you know it ¡­ Don¡¯t go to work tomorrow, stay here, and take some you time. I¡¯ll call you, okay?¡± ¡°Okay and okay.¡± I smile emptily, wrapping my arms around his neck onest time, pushing down all my inner upset before he slides up and waves. He grabs my foot at the end of the bed and strokes down my sole gently, causing me to flinch and giggle. He pauses, looking one more time as though he¡¯s reluctant to leave then turns and goes. I think maybe he¡¯s feeling it too, that trepidation at leaving me, at going to see her. I hold it together and let him go. * * * Jake finally calls me around midnight, when he¡¯s just getting to his hotel and he seems a million miles away. I miss him so much, even more soying in this huge bed in his apartment all alone. The security staff have an outer hall that leads to a corridor of small rooms outside Jake¡¯s main apartment, so they rarelye inside unless needed. Nora left around seven to go home to her cats after I finally spent some time getting to know her while she cooked. Here I am in this huge, modern apartment, which lacks any homeforts, all on my lonesome. ¡°This hotel sucks,¡± he sighs down the line, sounding so much huskier than his normal voice, he sounds tired and agitated and as unhappy as I feel. ¡°Are you slumming it in something less than five stars?¡± I ask giggling. Knowing that would never happen. ¡°It¡¯s a shitty Carrero hotel.¡± He returns, his voice betraying the fact he¡¯s smiling. Jake has always tried to avoid staying in his hotels for some unknown reason to me that I always found hrious; all those trips all over and he had me booking us into anything but a Carrero hotel. ¡°Why on earth are you staying in one of those?¡± I ask,ughing at the irony. ¡°Seems my stand in PA is a bitch.¡± Heughs, I know he has Margo still on staff, filling in for our disappearing acts. She asked that she be allowed to work on, even when I returned, finding the life of a retiree unfulfilling. So technically, he now has two PAs. Margo has been given an office elsewhere on the sixty-fifth floor all of her own, with regr office hours which seems to suit her much better. ¡°She must be mad at you to stick you like that.¡± I giggle, turning onto my back in bed and twirling my hair above my head. ¡°Yeah, maybe recing her with a younger PA I frequently bend over my desk put her nose out of joint.¡± I eyeroll and just ignore hisments about sex. It¡¯s always sex with him. ¡°I¡¯ve never been in a Carrero hotel.¡± I exim suddenly. It¡¯s true, in all the time I¡¯ve worked there I have never been to one. Ironic really. Never evenid eyes on one. I would never have gone to one without Jake as its price tag is above anything I could ever have afford, they are in the top tier of luxury amodations. ¡°You¡¯re not missing much ¡­ Think old-world Hollywood mour and ridiculously expensive ¡­ Nothing modern ¡­ Much like my father and his Godfather tastes.¡± He sighs and then I get it right away. The hotels are his father¡¯s babies, the style and service something he established long before Jake was even a twinkle in his eye, and well, if it oozes Giovanni then I can see why Jake avoids it. He tried, in thest year, to have them updated but his father always came down hard on the styling of his chain. ¡°Can¡¯t be all bad ¡­ I mean I bet the staff are working extra hard to make you happy ¡­ Being the heir of their empire.¡± I giggle at his defeated tone. ¡°Bambino ¡­ There is only so much ass kissing I can take, besides, they all dress like ma?tre d¡¯s from Disnend ¡­ My father really has no clue at all.¡± He pauses, going silent for a moment and I¡¯m hit with that tug of longing even harder. I want him here next to me already. I don¡¯t like this at all. ¡°I wish you¡¯de with me,¡± he croons softly, almost reading my mind. ¡°I understand why, Emma, but I hate this. I want you here,id next to me, not just a voice on a phone.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be a part of this, not yet.¡± I admit honestly ¡°I¡¯m not okay with it yet. I need time.¡± I sigh, waiting for the start of an argument; I¡¯ve never said that before. ¡°That makes two of us, be.¡± He sighs too, seeming so extremely far away from me. ¡°Do you think you''ll starting with me sometime?¡± he asks cautiously. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± It¡¯s doubtful that there¡¯s enough time before the actual birth for me to get over it but he doesn¡¯t need to know that. ¡°I understand ¡­ It just sucks that I miss you this much already. This big old hotel room and huge bed isn¡¯t appealing without you in it.¡± ¡°I miss you too.¡± that horrid tug inside me, regretting staying here but I know that going would have caused a different kind of pain. I didn¡¯t want to go and then feel angry at him the whole time we were in LA; I don¡¯t want to address those feelings toward him for all of this. ¡°Daniel¡¯s giving me the evil eye, so I better go ¡­ Go to sleep, I¡¯m going to get ate dinner. I hate airne food ¡­ Then I¡¯ll be in bed dreaming of you soon enough and pretend like you¡¯re actually here.¡± ¡°I love you,¡± I whisper sadly, not wanting him to hang up. Aching for him to be in the bed beside me so I can trace that wless face and snuggle in close. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°I love you way more,¡± he soothes with a hint of a smile in his voice. ¡°Sweet dreams, bambino, dream of a big hunky Italian with a naughty streak stripping you naked.¡± ¡°Most definitely!¡± I grin, my inner body heating for his touch. ¡°Goodnight, girlfriend.¡± He adds sweetly. ¡°Goodnight, boyfriend.¡± Iugh at him and his cuteness. With that he hangs up and leaves me feeling lonely, his apartment seeming so much emptier now. I move down under the sheets to his side of the bed, disappointed at theck of his smell on the fresh linens. I get up and go to the hamper looking for any of his clothes and find none. Nora is an efficient housekeeper. Too efficient it would seem. I climb back in bed annoyed and emotional all at once, I force myself toy down and close my eyes in the hopes that morning wille quickly, and it will be the day he¡¯sing home to me. What the hell is the matter with you, Emma? You had a whole life before him, a self-reliant, independent life. Get a grip. * * * I sit up bathed in sweat, crying out in the darkness. My heart beating fast and loud in my ears, fear gripping me as Ie to, managing to focus on my whereabouts. I¡¯m breathing rapidly with shallow gasps, my fingers gripping the sheets cruelly. I was dreaming, horrid awful dreams. What the hell? I look around trying to gain calm from the surroundings, so different to where I was moments before. In Chicago, with my mother. We were fighting ¡­ No ¡­ Talking. I can¡¯t even remember exactly, the dream already starting to fade as my senses be fully alert. I remember the snarl of a face close up; I remember there was blood but it¡¯s hazy ¡­ My mother was sobbing and then she wasn¡¯t, a darkness in the shadow enveloped us both and took her from me ¡­ Lifeless, she fell to the ground at my feet and I knew she was dead. With shaking hands, I reach out to themp on the bedside table and touch it, instantly springing to life with the merest trail of fingers. Jake and his love of gadgets. I scan around me, grounding myself again and taking slow deliberate breaths, my phone on the docking port is nearby and I pick it up and dial my mother¡¯sndline impulsively, ignoring that it¡¯s only a little after 3.00 a.m. After a long wait she finally picks up. My hands shaking as I try to slow my erratic pulse. ¡°Hello.¡± A grumpy, sleepy, slow, voice brings me more relief than I ever knew was possible and my body sags. ¡°Mom?¡± I breathe softly, using the term I haven¡¯t uttered since I was seven years old. Overwhelmed and not myself. ¡°Emma? Is that you?¡± Her voice instantly more alert and awake as it dawns on her it¡¯s me. ¡°What is it? What¡¯s wrong?¡± Chapter 147 Chapter 147 ¡°I just ¡­ I dreamt you died.¡± I break into a sob and there¡¯s nothing but silence between us. I know she must feel awkward, she doesn¡¯t know emotional Emma, I don¡¯t think she¡¯s seen her for a very long time. She¡¯s no idea how much I¡¯ve changed, what Jake has done to me or even that I¡¯m with him at all. Last time we saw one another it ended so badly and she¡¯s probably wondering what¡¯s changed. ¡°I¡¯m fine, darling ¡­ I¡¯m just bobbing along, you know ¡­ Getting on with things.¡± She sounds wary, she doesn¡¯t know what to say, which helps me reel back in the tears and regain my equilibrium, back to the Emma she¡¯s more able to deal with. My mother isn¡¯t one to be overly emotional and she sounds ufortable at the evidence I am. ¡°I think I mighte home for a few days ¡­ With Jake.¡± I add, surprising even myself. Knowing her, she won¡¯t even ask why I would bring him. ¡°Oh, that would be lovely ¡­ For both of you toe, he¡¯s done so much for me and I would like to say thank you in person.¡± She beams down the phone. It¡¯s obvious thest time she saw him she was enamored with the impressive Carrero heir. She doesn¡¯t even ask about us, about what rtionship we have. Just epts that I¡¯ll bring him, and she doesn¡¯t mention ourst meeting. This is how she is; this is what she always does. My life is of no interest unless it has some point in hers. ¡°I better go and let you sleep.¡± I finally add, my need to speak to her dissipating now, that inner nudge of disappointment she always makes me feel grows steadily inside of me. I don¡¯t know why I always delude myself that she will be different. That for once I¡¯ll get some sort of emotion. The affectionate names are all just an act. ¡°Okay, sweetheart.¡± She pauses as though she wants to say more but doesn¡¯t. ¡°Just text me when you¡¯re going toe, and I¡¯ll get your old room ready,¡± I say nothing, knowing we will stay in a hotel close by; too many harsh memories to stay there. We say our goodbyes and I hang up, feeling only marginally better. A different kind of emotion waving through me now. I sigh and send Jake a text for him to get when he wakes up, part of me hoping he wakens with the vibration of his cell. I need to hear him. ¡®We¡¯re going to Chicago to see my mother ¡­ I finally bit the bullet and called her. P.S I miss you xx¡¯ I slide my phone onto the bedside table andy down reluctantly; he won¡¯t be awake at this time. Jake has the ability to fall asleep anywhere and quickly, he¡¯ll reply when he gets up and maybe call me. I settle into the bed, trying to getfy and toss and turn before I finally start to drift back off. * * * I wake early slightly energized, knowing he¡¯sing home today, and it thrills me in ways I never thought possible. I feel like he¡¯s been gone forever. I jump up and shower with renewed happiness, the memories ofst night returning and thoughts of Chicago dampening it down again. I¡¯m not regretting calling her but somehow, in the light of a new day, I regret agreeing to go back there. I know Jake doesn¡¯t quite see my mother in the same light anymore either, so maybe taking him with me isn¡¯t a good idea after all. Jake calls me a little after seven, he left it until after his gym workout and run time in case I was still asleep, and I¡¯m so overjoyed to hear his voice again. ¡°Hey, bambino.¡± He¡¯s happy and I grin at the mere sound of him and melt at his usual affectionate term. ¡°Hey, sexy.¡± I giggle, ted. ¡°Did you miss me? I missed youst night.¡± His voice takes on a husky tone which sends shivers through me and the sudden urge to have him wrapped around me ws at my chest. ¡°Of course, not ¡­ Hardly noticed your absence.¡± I jest and heughs softly. He knows me better than that, can¡¯t get anything by him. ¡°I couldn¡¯t sleepst night, I think I tossed and turned until almost three before I finally got some shut eye,¡± he says. ¡°Think I was yearning for my live teddy bear.¡± There¡¯s a smile in his voice. ¡°That¡¯s odd, I woke up just after three with a horrendous nightmare.¡± I admit ¡°I dreamed my mother died and ¡­ Vanquis was here.¡± Ites out a little too shakily as though I¡¯m more torn about it than I am. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. Maybe I am ¡­ My hands are trembling at the memory. ¡°I wish I¡¯d been beside you, miele.¡± He sounds somber and his joyous tone drops. ¡°I hate that you woke up alone after that.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have nightmares when you¡¯re here,¡± I add in haste to reassure him, my heart aching at the tone of his voice. The guilt he feels at not being here. ¡°I hate that leaving you means theye back then ¡­ You stopped having your night terrors when we started sleeping together?¡± He sounds genuinely surprised. ¡°I guess ¡­ I haven¡¯t had a dream likest night in a couple of weeks and that one night we shared a bed in Chicago I never had one either.¡± I admit, my face flushing at the memory of that night and kissing him. I still haven¡¯t told him that I initiated it, maybe I will. He¡¯ll like that. ¡°It makes me happy to know that I keep them away, that in some way I¡¯m protecting you from the past ¡­ Is that why you called her? Why you want to see her?¡± His tone changes subtly and it makes me a little wary. ¡°Yes ¡­ You don¡¯t think I should anymore?¡± I push gently. ¡°She¡¯s still your mother, maybe I don¡¯t favor her as much as I did, but only you can choose what rtionship you have with her.¡± There¡¯s a noise from behind him, it¡¯s Daniel¡¯s voice and Jake tells him to get lost, yfully. ¡°Do you need to go?¡± I ask, disappointment washing over me as he sighs lightly. ¡°Yes, but I¡¯m not going to ¡­ Stay on the phone, baby.¡± The noisesing down the call suggest he¡¯s getting up and moving around, maybe putting his shoes on. ¡°Daniel is eager to get breakfast, but not here ¡­ The menu is as bad as the room.¡± He jests, and I conjure up images of seafood tter banquets and overborate poached egg dishes. Jake hates fussy food disys; he likes food to look like food and a bit rustic. ¡°I can still talk to you while I walk, though.¡± ¡°Do you think you¡¯ll get everything sorted today?¡± I know I should ask, after all, it¡¯s the reason he¡¯s out there, but even uttering the words causes me a great amount of heartache. Life would be perfect if it weren¡¯t for this little hurdle. ¡°I hope so, I don¡¯t want to be going back and forth withwyers for much longer ¡­ I¡¯m not leaving until some sort of legal agreement is reached in terms of money, visitation, boundaries.¡± His voice goes quiet as he moves the phone away, I can almost imagine him sliding his jacket on. I close my eyes to see him in my mind¡¯s eye, aching to touch that face and those biceps. ¡°You think she¡¯s ready to agree?¡± I force myself to open my eyes again and not get lost in the memory of his touch. ¡°Yes ¡­ I told her that if she wanted me to have any sort of rtionship with the baby she needed to back off because my love life was nothing to do with her.¡± Hees back clearer and louder, the phone obviously back where it belongs. ¡°I¡¯m not going in there with her calling the shots on this ¡­ I made it clear that it goes my way or I¡¯m on the first flight home.¡± He sounds determined, typical commandeering Carrero on a role. Marissa has no idea what she¡¯s trying toe up against. ¡°I forgot you were the king of negotiation.¡± Iugh, he¡¯s the king of maniption and getting his own way more urately. ¡°Right, be, I¡¯m heading into the elevator so I¡¯m going to lose you ¡­ Ti amo, p ragazza,¡± he says it so seductively my insides tremble. ¡°I love you too ¡­ Goodbye, Jake.¡± I smile down the phone when he utters his goodbyes and then, he¡¯s gone. Chapter 148 Chapter 148 My day is going to consist of sitting about here if I don¡¯t n something productive. I end up sat in Jake¡¯s rarely used home office with myptop and try to work through everything Margo has forwarded at my request. It seems taking that month away from this side of the business has made it so much harder for me to slot back into this life and I¡¯m finding it less than satisfying. The time we¡¯ve spent at the office, I barely made a dent and found every file ridiculously hard to focus on. My mind always wandering to the six-foot two hunk in the next room. I used to love working for, and with, Jake but now, looking back, I think it was more than just the job; it was him and being around him, even if back then I couldn¡¯t admit it to myself. Now that he is mine and all I can focus on; I¡¯m finding returning to PA mode more than difficult. Staying home today hadn¡¯t only been because Jake insisted, I just didn¡¯t want to go in and deal with the mundane right now. My head is all over the ce and old in control and got her crap together Emma so far removed from who I have be, this is getting difficult. The change in dynamics between us has altered how I feel about my career, something which shocks me to the core. I have more than just a job now. I have a future to look forward to, I have hope. I have love from someone who makes me re- evaluate everything I nned for in my man free, single life I had painstakingly worked toward. By lunch I ampletely fed up, close to tears at my own inability to focus and decide I need a change of scenery. Looking through my clothes, I find something feminine and floaty, bought by Donna the personal shopper that I previously dismissed as ¡®not my thing¡¯ and throw it on. I¡¯m aware of how differently I have begun dressing because of Jake. Romantic clothes that I would never have tolerated before. Soft, girly dresses, cute shoes, and essories, my whole style losing the hard tailored and cold PA look and bing far more young college girlfriend. A style I have never embraced but somehow, seeing that look on his face when I dress this way makes the world of difference. I don¡¯t have to be scared of attracting sleazy men anymore, I have my protector and he will rip men apart who try to touch me. I like the fact that Jake has that sh of jealousy to match mine, makes me feel less insecure and stupid. He is my security nket now; I don¡¯t need my armor anymore. * * * Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. I get Jefferson to take me to Queens to see Sarah before she heads out to work and spend some time with her in front of the TV, catching up. It seems like forever since I was here, even though it¡¯s been barely days. Marcus is at work, having finally found himself a regr nine-to-five position in an office block and things seem to have settled between the ever-sparring couple. I notice the apartment looks different, small, subtle, masculine changes such as a new stereo and upgraded TV. Part of me a little hurt that he¡¯s changing things with Sarah and I¡¯m no longer part of the decisions or part of the atmosphere anymore. I guess it¡¯s a good sign, we¡¯re going in our own directions, letting life lead us. I enjoy my time with her and while I sit watching Sarah make us food, I catch up with Sophie on the phone. ¡°I¡¯m doing good ¡­ I really like my school; Le takes me shopping almost every weekend. She¡¯s awesome and I love the fact that she says she¡¯s your bestie.¡± She giggles, obvious affection for her new sister. Le hinted that Sophie has befriended Arrick Carrero too. ¡°Tell her I¡¯lle next time you go. I could do with some new girly things.¡± I smile and actually mean it. I catch Sarah throwing me a puzzled look and mouth, ¡°Shopping¡±, at her. She looks rmed and makes meugh at her reaction. I guess the old me would never have wanted to go on a girly shopping spree. The old me ordered all her clothes online and never cared about anything girly. ¡°That would be amazing, Le never shuts up about you ¡­ And Jake,¡± she adds hesitantly then bravely asks, ¡°Are you two really together now? Like, as in, properly a couple?¡± ¡°Yes, we are,¡± I answer proudly and smile at the satisfied giggle on the other end. My face warming at her childishugh, so good to hear my girl in such a way. After everything, she sounds happy. Really happy and it forms a huge lump which lodges in my throat. ¡°Good, because you already seemed like a really good couple. He looks after you.¡± She remarks as though giving her blessing. No hint of the scared and sad girl that she was in Chicago not so long ago. ¡°Yes, he does. He¡¯s perfect.¡± I agree, that longing for him toe home washing over me again. I check my watch and catch another haughty look from Sarah. She¡¯s chided my constant time checking since I arrived. He won¡¯t be home until the middle of the night and it¡¯s only mid-afternoon. Not long now. Emma, you¡¯re being one of those predictable, pathetic women who cannot function without their man! The conversation soon turns to my mother and Sophie is overjoyed to hear I¡¯m finally going to see her to smooth things over; the girl has real affection for my mother. Despite all my issues with her, my memories and my past, all Sophie has known is a woman who took her in when she needed someone and that led her to me. She begs me to take her next time, once she has a break from school and makes me promise. I can¡¯t tell her that I regret making ns to go, she would never understand. Before long, Sarah needs to leave for work, and I get Jefferson to drive her there before I head back to the city. It¡¯s still early but I¡¯m restless so I swing by Carrero House to collect some files from Margo. Maybe if I just throw myself into it without Jake around to distract me then I might finally feel capable of doing this job again. I get up to the sixty-fifth floor, ignoring the looks from almost everyone I pass. For once, I can¡¯t decide if it¡¯s because I¡¯m Jake¡¯s girlfriend now or because I¡¯m dressed in a romantic floaty dress and look nothing like PA Emma. I stick my chin up defiantly and walk on regardless. Chin held high and a confidence glowing from me that seems to be flourishing with love. * * * I end up sitting in Jake¡¯s chair in his office with my feet, free from shoes, curled up under me, pouring over the documents Rosalie has brought for me. A lot of it is just reading and catch up, the merger details, some other small projects Jake has on the go, some new updates to thepany policy. It all just blurs together and soon I¡¯m distracted and bored. Bored? I never bore of work. I check my watch again, sighing that it¡¯s barely 4.00 p.m. At least he¡¯ll be getting on a ne around now, I frown as I realize he¡¯s not called me since this morning. I didn¡¯t want to call him in case it interrupted the meeting. Not one text. Which shocks me and hurts me at the same time. I check my phone and realize that¡¯s because it¡¯s died at some point between the apartment, Sarah¡¯s, and here so I go off in search of Jake¡¯s charging dock to plug it in on the other side of the room, it¡¯s too t to switch on so I leave it alone for now. Completely bored, I end up swiveling my chair around and watching the New York scenery with a heavy sigh, letting the papers slide down myp. Leaning back in the seat and curling my feet under my legs, I smile at the fact this is the first time I¡¯ve sat in Jake¡¯s chair. Even as his PA I would never have dreamed ofmandeering his office and snuggling in his chair, somehow it seemed too intimate, yet here I am now. Using his chair in ce of him, using his office to feel closer. This is as much his style as his apartment, all masculine colors and modern art and tiny, sentimental touches. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his scent lingering in the room. Chapter 149 Chapter 149 It¡¯s starting to rain, nothing heavy just gentle rivulets of water running down the vast windows and it¡¯s almost mesmerizing highlight the fact I¡¯m tired. Last night it was hard enough to fall asleep but waking with my nightmare and then waking early has taken its toll on me. Lately I have been feeling the effects of living with someone who rarely sleeps. He¡¯s up early and waking me with him or keeping me awake late into the night with sex or talking. I need to start being firmer with him, this fatigue that¡¯s almost daily right now is a little annoying and making me more emotional. There¡¯s a soft knock on the door and Rosaliees in as I turn to face her, still tucked up in Jake¡¯s oversized chair. ¡°That¡¯s me heading off, Emma, I¡¯ve a doctor¡¯s appointment, Margo said I could leave early.¡± She smiles widely at me, hovering by the door. ¡°Okay, Rosalie, thank you ¡­ Just go, I¡¯ll probably head off soon.¡± I reply before using the desk to push my chair back around to the skyline, the sky is darkening over, threatening a proper rainstorm and I hope it doesn¡¯t affect Jake¡¯s flighting back. The clouds are rolling and turning in the sky and it¡¯s almost mystical to watch. I slide down, gettingfy. I always loved watching a good storm from the safe inner-warmth of a building. I hear Rosalie depart with the soft click of the door and settle down. I¡¯ll rx for a bit before calling for Jefferson toe get me, just enjoy the peace of Jake¡¯s office and this amazing view. * * * I jump awake to a warm touch on my face and almostunch myself at my attacker violently, my heart lurching in fear, stuck in a memory of an unwanted man. Vicious me reacting to defend herself. ¡°Woah, hey ¡­ It¡¯s me! It¡¯s Jake!¡± Jake grabs my arms in rm holding back my fists and lifting them over my head as I scramble to throw him off. It¡¯s dark outside and I¡¯mpletely disorientated, panting, eyes darting around as Ie to my senses, heaving breath as I realize it really is him. I¡¯m still in the office and it¡¯s lit with low lights only used when the floor gets put into sleep mode, his face close to mine, stopping my struggle and let out a long low breath in relief. His grip loosens and he slides my arms back down slowly, eyes watching to make sure I¡¯m fully awake. What the hell is Jake doing here already? Where is everyone and why is it so dark in here? ¡°Where? How ¡­?¡± I¡¯m still half asleep, rxing my tight muscles as he pulls me forward slowly and cautiously, pulling my face up to kiss me softly, calming my panic. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to give you a fright, baby.¡± He lifts me up with a tight grip around my waist so I¡¯m nose to nose with him and sinks a proper kiss on me, finding no resistance, he deepens it passionately, taking my breath away before putting me on my own feet and leaning back to look at me with a much more rxed expression. I think my little violent outburst shocked him. ¡°What time is it?¡± I ask weakly. He sighs and smiles at me shaking his head. ¡°It¡¯s almost 1.00 a.m., I got off my flight and Jefferson told me you never called him again ¡­ I tried calling you a thousand times, bambino.¡± A look passes over his face fleetingly, relief with a tinge of apprehension. ¡°I came looking, wondering if I¡¯d missed something ¡­ Like a fight we never had.¡± He smiles with that panty-melting, megawatt grin, chasing away the look in his eye and pulls my arms around his neck. He smells amazing, he feels even better. God, I missed you so badly. I rest my head against his throat and apologize with small kisses to his exposed neck, between the open, top buttons at his throat, he tastes divine. I ached to be back like this, and it feels like heaven. ¡°I fell asleep, I think ¡­ Last thing I remember was the rain starting to fall when Rosalie left work.¡± I sigh against him, closing my eyes to hear his heartbeat below my cheek, he kisses the top of my head. ¡°What happened to staying home?¡± He bends and scoops my legs up over his arm, lifting me in a bride to be hold, snuggling me close and adjusting until I¡¯m molded against him, my armsfortable around his neck. Our faces close enough to kiss. ¡°I got bored ¡­ I came here mid-afternoon to try to do my job ¡­ I failed badly.¡± Iugh pointing toward my shoes on the floor. He nods, and Jefferson appears from the shadows picking them up with my bag, and jacket and turns to walk with them to the elevator. Jake follows him, carrying me. ¡°I can walk, you know?¡± I point out, enjoying being back in his arms, my nose against his neck, breathing him in. I¡¯ve missed him so much and merely being here has my insides singing and fluttering like crazy. ¡°I know.¡± He smiles down at me, walking effortlessly with my weight into the open elevator and just throws Jefferson another nod, indicating we¡¯re ready. He presses the ground floor button and faces forward keeping his eyes on the doors and not on us. ¡°Am I to be carried to the car then?¡± I poke fun at him as his mouthes to my forehead, lips grazing softly for a moment as he inhales me before nting a soft kiss. ¡°And then some,¡± he answers, his arms tighten around me, lifting me up a little higher, he nts a kiss on my mouth then lowers me back to previous height. ¡°I¡¯m taking you home where I expected to find you waiting naked for me in bed.¡± He grins; I flush and nce at Jefferson nervously. The man doesn¡¯t react or move, professionally ignorant of our conversation or at least pretending to be. ¡°I intended to be there,¡± I whisper with a quiet smile just as a thought hits me. ¡°Shit. I left my phone in your office, Jake.¡± I yelp and attempt a wriggle to be let down, he just pulls me in and smiles. ¡°Jefferson has it ¡­ It¡¯s first thing he picked up when I found you, he told me it was switched off and charging.¡± He looks at me closely. ¡°While I was waking my sleeping beauty up and instead finding karate kid.¡± That smirk has me shaking my head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ I intended being curled up in bed for youing home ¡­ I just got soooo ¡­¡± I sigh ¡°I can never focus on work anymore and your nocturnal habits are taking their toll on me.¡± I admit in defeat ¡°That makes two of us, be.¡± He nudges me softly and I catch truth in his eye, he¡¯s been struggling as much as me. It makes me feel better though, he¡¯s a born CEO and if he¡¯s having a hard time getting on top of things then maybe I¡¯m not doing as badly as I thought. ¡°I¡¯m way too focused on the nocturnal stuff to actually work right now.¡± He winks at me and I flush, once again checking to see if Jefferson is listening. Jake has no cares about this sort of thing, I cannot think of a moment I have ever seen him embarrassed. ¡°I me you.¡± I sigh. ¡°I can¡¯t seem to get back into PA mode, no matter how hard I try, she evades me.¡± ¡°I broke you.¡± He grins. ¡°As much as I love PA Emma, I think I prefer this version of you, bambino ¡­ PA Emma can retire if she likes.¡± ¡°Not likely ¡­ But maybe a little break for now. Which version would I be now?¡± I giggle at him, my fingers tracing his open cor and stopping on the top button to y with it, his chin against my forehead as we talk. ¡°You sort of morphed into drunk Emma, kicking back Emma, PA Emma and this new sexy Emma, all in one ¡­ Girlfriend Emma I¡¯m calling her.¡± He kisses me on the cheek with a grin. ¡°I see ¡­ You don¡¯t think I should be concerned having these multiple personalities all collide into one?¡± I nce up at him adoringly, a surge of happiness at just how beautiful Jake is in the dim elevator light hits me. ¡°Nope ¡­ You seem perfect to me.¡± He shrugs, this time dropping my feet onto the floor gently, so he can wrap his arms around my waist and pull me up to his height again. I slide my arms tighter around his neck as he swoops in for a killer kiss, this time getting a little more heated than I think he intended. Time apart bringing out instant fire and longing. I¡¯m more than aware that Jefferson is so close and try to pull back, that tighten of muscle behind me as he pulls me in, so my mouthes straight back to what he¡¯s doing. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. Seems I¡¯m not getting out of it that easily. Jake doesn¡¯t seem to care at all. A lifetime of being surrounded by staff and personnel makes him immune to their hovering presence. He stays close, holding me tightly until he finally releases me from the toe-curling kiss. Chapter 150 Chapter 150 ¡°What I¡¯m going to do to you as soon as we get home.¡± He threatens seductively, eyes heavy and dark, voice husky. Sending shivers through me, losing all thoughts of the nearby driver. He leans in, sinking another kiss on me, letting me down on my feet so his hands can slide down over my back and butt hungrily. He hooks me just under the curve of my ass and pulls me up against his groin, the urge to wrap my legs around him immediately pushed aside as I catch Jefferson clear his throat awkwardly. Jake thankfully releases me, turning me so I face the door and wraps his arms around my shoulders, his face against my cheek, tilting my head to the side. He nibbles my neck and ear softly, his breath warming my skin, sending a thousand hot tingles through me. My body aching to be alone with him. When the elevatores to the ground floor, he pulls me around and picks me up again with a wink. He likes this game, he likes to manhandle me, carry me around like a Neanderthal. I think it gives him some macho man kick as he¡¯s been doing it since the first month, I worked for him. We pass the night security guards in the lower parking lot without a second nce. Jake¡¯s known to all who work for him, hard to miss that face when it graces so many magazines and poster boards. I gaze up at him, watching his handsome profile, the smooth curve of his mouth and straight nose, his dark eyebrows over gorgeous mythical green eyes. He just makes me tingle when I look at him, so much physical perfection in one person, it¡¯s almost unreal. He doesn¡¯t have a bad side at all, no matter which direction you¡¯re looking at him and I know becausetely I have seen him from every angle. He slides me into the back of the limo, I note the screen is already up, separating us from Jefferson with a ck out and I budge over, so he can get in beside me, his hand immediatelying to my legs and pulling me back against him when he shuts the door. His arm goes around me and cradles me against him. I get the distinct impression he¡¯s missed me and wants to be as close as possible; I feel the same way. I snake my arms around his upper body resting my head on his chest, his other hand comes up to y with my hair. ¡°Mi sei mancato tanto.¡± He breathes, kissing me on top of my head. I smile to myself and don¡¯t even ask what he¡¯s said this time, the way he¡¯s muttered it tells me enough; he¡¯s missed me as much as I¡¯ve missed him. The car journey home is only twenty minutes long, we sit in silence, wrapped together, him stroking my hair and cheek while gazing out of the window lost in thought and me reveling in being back in his arms. Listening to the steady beat of his heart under my ear, I run my hand across his abdomen, over his shirt. It¡¯s fitted, showing the hint of his musclesid t beneath, he flinches as I tuck a finger underneath in the space between two buttons tickling his skin. His smilees around to meet mine with a dark, wicked look in his eye ¡°Keep doing that and we won¡¯t make it home before I strip you naked, bambino.¡± His voice gruff, sexy, and devilish and my heartbeat quickens, my inner body heating up while uncurling from slumber. She¡¯s been waiting for something more than kisses and caresses now that I¡¯m fully awakened. I bite my lip in anticipation, his eyes move to my mouth, his own lips parting. In a mere second his whole face changes, from wicked gleam toplete seriousness, his pupils dting fully. He pulls me up onto his lap to straddle him, his hands under my butt, and pulls me hard against him. ¡°If I even so much as kiss you right now I¡¯ll lose all control,¡± he whispers huskily, his mouth hovering tentatively close, our breaths tickling one another¡¯s lips; it¡¯s highly sensual. His body stiffens under mine, but he doesn¡¯t break eye contact. ¡°I don¡¯t want to fuck you in the car, miele ¡­ I want a long, slow night in bed. It¡¯s all I¡¯ve thought about since I left.¡± His words send shivers down my spine, my body tingling in longing and I squirm in hisp. The heat radiating from within me. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°You could do both.¡± I smile, aching for him to kiss me or touch me intimately. He rests his head back against the seat moving away from mine. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea the self-control I¡¯m exercising right now ¡­ Please don¡¯t say things like that, I¡¯m barely holding on.¡± His handes to my face, stroking down across my cheek, then across my bottom lip slowly, his eyes following the progress intensely. I close my eyes, leaning into his touch, savoring every second. He takes a deep breath, trying to stay in control but the growing hardness under me tells me he¡¯s losing the battle. I don¡¯t get his sudden need to fight it, Jake has never turned down sex in cars, he¡¯s the master of sex in any ce we feel like it. It¡¯s one of the kinky charms he has, no inhibitions about taking me any ce he sees fit. Feeling brave, I grind down on him gently, letting one hande up to trail up his abdomen over his silky shirt. Feeling out the hard curves of muscle underneath, his chest, across one shoulder then back along the top and up his neck before reaching his jaw. Tracing slowly along and up over his mouth, his body leaning into me at every touch, his eyes growing heavy with lust. I swoop forward and suck in his bottom lip, gently nibbling before I rub my mouth across his and push the tip of my tongue into the part that¡¯s opened for me. He tenses, on the brink of letting go, fascinated by my taking control. It¡¯s something I rarely do, it¡¯s usually him who initiates everything due to my inexperience andck of confidence as a lover, or at least takes the lead as soon as I do. This time he seems more than happy to let me continue, fighting everything inside him to not throw me down on the seat and make love. It¡¯s highly erotic, the tension and teasing fueling me in a way I have never tried ¡­ Like a game. And we both know how much Jake loves his games. ¡°Let¡¯s see how much willpower you really have,¡± I whisper seductively. Leaning down to unbutton his shirt, down his smooth broad chest, my fingers trailing on his skin as I do so. He shuts his eyes, leaning his head back fully against the head rest, his arms rxing around me. He¡¯s trying to disconnect so he doesn¡¯t react, and I giggle inwardly. He likes games yet he¡¯s extremelypetitive ¡­ He hates to lose, and I just issued a challenge. I smirk before bending and trailing my lips across his exposed skin, my teeth finding his nipple and I bite gently. He flinches under me, his abdomen muscles stiffen and move as his pecks tense, his manhood twitching under the heat of my pelvis, straining in his pants. This is beyond hot. I¡¯m scorching with desire at this ability to torture him. I yank his shirt open wide, pulling it from his waistband, trailing kisses, licks, and nibbles everywhere I can reach. Bending low to taste the hard bumps of his crazily sculpted abdomen, he groans quietly but it¡¯s not doing enough. I want to win this game and make him take me with force, lost in the desire of it, just to prove to myself that I have that much of an effect on him. I¡¯ve seen Jake lose control and forcefully take me and I want it more than anything right now. I slide off hisp and move to kneel on the floor, pushing his legs apart to make space between them. Undoing his trousers, I nce up, seeing the flicker of a frown but he stays still, his eyes still closed. He is trying to be the model of control. The nerves rise but I push them down, intent on my chosen path. I can do this, I understand the mechanics of it and even though he seems tense and unsure, I want to blow his mind. I free him from his pants and take his erect shaft in my hands before lowering my mouth, taking a steadying breath, and sliding him into my parted lips. He¡¯s hot and hard andrge, the sensation new to me, desire overtaking me, I suck gently and start to enjoy both the taste of his skin and the feel of his manhood in my mouth, the power it gives me. I¡¯m surprised by theck of gag reflex as I slide it as far back as I can manage, pushed on by the stifled moansing from his throat. The heat inside my body swells and surges and awakens every sexual urge I have. He moans heavily and slides down the chair slightly, his handsing to tangle and grasp my hair. I take this as encouragement and begin to move up and down, licking and teasing, sucking, and swirling around as much of him as I can manage. Fascinated that doing this not only makes him harder but makes me hotter for him. Every suck pushing a pulse deep inside my body, causing the warmth flooding between my thighs. He¡¯s longer than I¡¯m capable of fittingpletely in my mouth and fuller than isfortable but somehow it only adds to my raging desire. His legs move, his kneese up slightly, indicating he¡¯s struggling to stay still and calm. He mutters my name barely above a whisper, yet I continue, sucking harder, empowered by every new squirm and moaning from him. I must be doing something right as his dick tenses and twitches inside my mouth deliciously. I wonder if this means he¡¯s close to cumming, and as much as I want to experience that, I don¡¯t want to give him any sort of relief when this game relies on him losing control. I pull away and stretch back, wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and begin mock yawning, raising my arms as though I¡¯ve just woken up. Chapter 151 Chapter 151 ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll just take a little nap.¡± I sigh, watching evilly as his eyes snap open and focus on me intently. Holy crap, I¡¯ve never seen him look so primal. ¡°Fuck that shit.¡± He sounds enraged, bends, grabbing me under my arms and yanks me up, throwing me on the seat onto my back. I let out a squeal. Within seconds he¡¯s on top of me, pulling up my dress and ripping my pants off. Another lost pair of underwear at the hands of Carrero. There¡¯s no forey, no soft kisses or teasing, he¡¯s just inside me within seconds, his hunger pushing all traces of sanity away and he¡¯s grinding into me with unleashed fever. I writhe and arch under him, burning with how this feels, my head meeting the door with aggression as he rams into me again, using his feet against the other side to lever his thrusts into me. I like it, I like this hard, almost violent way he¡¯s screwing me, his need overtaking all rational thought and gentleness. This is a new side to him, and I want more. Just desire so raging he needs to take me as fast as he can before he selfbusts. His handse up, pinning my wrists to the seat beside my head, holding me down almost savagely, his face buried in my neck. My legs are up around his waist, the trousers causing friction because he¡¯s barely pulled them down, but it all adds to the exotess of it all. For the first time in the many sessions of having sex with Jake this time really does feel like I¡¯m just being banged without emotion, and the contrast is mind-blowing. Hot, hard, and fast, I¡¯m surprised by how quickly my body reacts, cumming in grand fashion in seconds. Unable to stay sane when he is literally ravishing me. He follows with his own climax shortly then slumps on top of me, panting. ¡°Emma ¡­ Jesus!¡± He leans up with a weak smile. ¡°That¡¯s not how I intended our reunion sex to be.¡± His eyes have lost that darkness and now are soft and hazy and rxed. I grin back at him. Beaming. Immensely proud of myself and the way I just yed the king! ¡°I thought you were the master of second rounds.¡± I tease issuing another challenge. ¡°Trust me, there will be a lot more when I get you out of here ¡­ And it won¡¯t be so fast or so goddamn fevered. You¡¯ve no idea how much I¡¯ve wanted this, bambino.¡± He grins, shaking his head at my ability to undo him. ¡°Who knew my little icy Emma would be such a hot little seductress? I think you¡¯re starting to get too good at this and out maneuvering the master.¡± He drops a kiss on my mouth and pulls me up, pulling my dress down for me and helps me slide up to sitting before sorting himself back into his pants. He bends, retrieving my tornce and waves them triumphantly. ¡°I should stop collecting these or else I¡¯m going to need a spare room to keep them all.¡± ¡°You need to stop ripping my underwear off or soon I¡¯ll have to gomando from necessity.¡± I joke, catching thece in his hand and yank it free. I shove it into his inside pocket with a wink. I¡¯m rewarded with a smile that makes me want to bite his lip again. Who am I kidding? I want him again already. ¡°Baby, I¡¯ll buy you as much lingerie as you want, just show me what you like ¡­ I¡¯m more than happy to keep ripping it off.¡± He grins and then nces out of the heavily tinted window. ¡°I think we should maybe get out of the car and head upstairs if you want a round two.¡± He points out and it¡¯s only then I realize the car is motionless. ¡°When did we stop?¡± I ask in surprise, wondering if Jefferson is even still in the driver¡¯s seat. That would be beyond awkward with no engine to drown out what we just did. ¡°During that mind-blowing oral.¡± He grins, pushing the door open. I notice Jefferson standing a few feet away at the elevator holding my bag and shoes patiently and flush with shame. Oh, my god, does he know what we were doing? Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. It sends a blush rushing through me. At least that means he wasn¡¯t in the car when Jake was having sex with me, but did that mean he was outside instead, watching the car rock? And judging by the sheer aggressive nature of what Jake was doing I guess the car had to be rocking pretty badly. Oh, my god. I almost die inside with embarrassment. ¡°That¡¯s something I haven¡¯t seen for a while.¡± He points out, looking at me intently, no sign of shame on him at all, just a smirking confidence of a guy who just gotid. ¡°What?¡± ¡°That awkward Emma blush ¡­ Soon you¡¯ll be back to twirling your hair and chewing your bottom lip ¡­ I miss those little Emma-isms.¡± He leans forward nting a kiss on my mouth before sliding out of the car, I move along the seat, taking his outstretched hand and get out, making sure to hold my skirt down so I don¡¯t sh the poor driver with my panty-less self. ¡°You used to get mad at me for doing that!¡± I pout usingly. ¡°I didn¡¯t realize I stopped doing any of them.¡± I frown in confusion. After years of trying to master those anxious habits, had they really just gone away? ¡°I hated that I made you stressed, miele, and you stopped the second I told you I loved you, bambino.¡± He grins and pulls me into his arms, lifting me again on the way to the lift. ¡°Guess you don¡¯t have anything to be uptight over anymore and this time it was caused by something way more fun.¡± He kisses me on top of my head and carries me home. Chapter 152 Chapter 152 Jake moves off me and flops down on his back, his skin damp with perspiration much like mine. There¡¯s a subtle smell of male sweat which only turns me on more, proof of his exertion in thest few hours erupting in multiple orgasms. ¡°Told you the second time would be slow.¡± He grins at me but I¡¯m too tired to move. I feel like I¡¯ve just run a marathon. My breathing isbored and my body tingling and heavy. I could sleep for a week. The clock on the bedside tells me it¡¯s almost 5.00 a.m. and we¡¯ve been awake since we got home just before two. ¡°We will never get up for work.¡± Iugh. If I fall asleep now, I won¡¯t get up for hours. He¡¯s exhausted me again, despite my long office nap. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°That¡¯s okay, because we¡¯re not going.¡± He points out, his eyesing to rest on mine. ¡°Why?¡± This cking off work is getting to be a bad habit with himtely, I¡¯m not sure I have such a good effect on him anymore. He rolls toward me and leans up onto his arm, so he can look down at me, his handes to trace my jaw line. I can¡¯t help but watch the haziness of those endlessly deep green eyes. ¡°Because I said so ¡­ And we need to talk about it.¡± He adds with a slight furrow of the brow. ¡°Talk about the fact that you never go to work anymore?¡± I smile indulgently. He smiles too, biting his lip thoughtfully. He always looks so young when he does that. I also know that means he¡¯s pondering a decision. ¡°Talk about the workce dynamic ¡­ I think it needs changing. I did a lot of thinking on the flight home.¡± He suddenly looks so serious, that I get a little jolt in my stomach of apprehension. He has on boss Carrero face. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m going to like what he has to say. ¡°Go on.¡± I urge nervously ¡°I think we should hire two new assistants to take your ce and do more for me.¡± His frown increases and he sit¡¯s up a little more. I shoot up suddenly, the shock on my face apparent as I bolt upright. ¡°You¡¯re firing me?¡± I yelp, confused, and instantly upset. His just catches my shoulder and pushes me down harshly back to the bed, he shifts over on top of me trapping me in his arms, his biceps straining as he keeps his weight over me. Overpowering me. ¡°No! ¡­ Listen to me ¡­ Neither of us can seem to get our shit together since you came back ¡­ It¡¯s because neither of us can think about work when we¡¯re an office apart and just want to go fuck in the cupboard.¡± He smiles at the memory. ¡°We came back to soon, Emma ¡­ All of this is too new, and it was dumb to think we would just slot back into boss and PA mode. I don¡¯t think we ever can do that again; I don¡¯t think I even want to. We should have taken more time to get through the honeymoon phase before we came back.¡± ¡°It was your idea.¡± I pout, distraught that he no longer wants me at work. I should have known this would happen. ¡°It was ¡­ And it¡¯s why I¡¯vee up with a new way to try it ¡­ You¡¯re no longer going to be my PA ¡­ You¡¯re my number two in a new sense, like an assistant CEO I talk over the big decisions with. I always valued your opinion and trusted your decisions anyway. We oversee the major stuff but let two capable assistants do our jobs for us under Margo¡¯s watchful eye ¡­ I relinquish a little control and we get to just enjoy being together for as long as we need. No more stress on your shoulders, no more taking my bad moods out on you with work shit, baby.¡± I stay silent, watching his face suspiciously while I run what he¡¯s saying through my head slowly. I can see his logic, but it isn¡¯t really taking the sting out of it. ¡°What does that mean exactly?¡± I ask a little too pointedly. ¡°It means for the near future anyway; we only go in sporadically. Margo gets a promotion and has some suggestions for two assistants that will work under her, the three of them doing our jobs ¡­ We just sign things, make the big decisions, and show face at meetings that I¡¯m needed at. No more flying around the world for the menial crap we did ¡­ It¡¯s time I followed my father¡¯s example and spent less time working and more time enjoying being stupidly rich and young.¡± He lowers himself to rest his head against mine. ¡°I want time to be with you, time for us to really get into this rtionship. Working, focusing on work will just get in the way of that for now.¡± He kisses me lightly. ¡°I want to show you the world ¡­ Take you ces you¡¯ve never been ¡­ Stay in hotels in locations of our choosing. I want to take you to Italy to meet my family and lie on white sandy beaches with not a care in the world. We have six months, if we¡¯re lucky, before the baby arrives and I want to make sure you¡¯re so hopelessly in love with me by then that it won¡¯t change things between us.¡± He looks so genuine and hopeless that my heart melts. ¡°I¡¯m already hopelessly in love with you,¡± I admit quietly, his face lighting up at my admission. ¡°Trust me ¡­ By the time it arrives, I¡¯ll have turned your world upside down.¡± He kisses me slowly and surely, lingering to tease my mouth with his, running his nose against mine. ¡°So, are you in agreement that we try this out? Or do you love your job more than me?¡± He teases and watches me for an answer, that tiny fleck of self-doubt in his eye, that scrap of a waver in his overconfident self that I love so much. ¡°PA Emma is distraught,¡± I say, ¡°She¡¯s folding her arms and ring at you like she wants your head to self-implode right now but seeing as she¡¯s on a long leave of absence, I guess it doesn¡¯t matter.¡± I giggle, his smile matching mine. This is temporary, as long as he knows I will go back to work. For now. This is temporary. ¡°That¡¯s my girl.¡± He breathes before swooping on me all hands and mouth and working me into another fever, aching for much more than yfulness. Chapter 153 Chapter 153 ¡°Come on, miele ¡­ We¡¯re going to bete.¡± Jake is harassing me from outside the bathroom door. It¡¯s been a day ofzing in bed, food, and movies, but now he¡¯s rushing me to get dressed up to meet friends for his brother¡¯s birthday. The n is to all meet up at a nightclub called Top of the Standard. Apparently one of the most exclusive clubs you can find in New York city. It didn¡¯t take much for Jake to swing entry for two dozen of Arrick¡¯s friends and closest family members. ¡°Well, seeing as you gave me zero warning, I¡¯m doing the best I can.¡± I pout, finally emerging in a ck, strapless cocktail dress that is tight and short, gold high heels, and a gold clutch, I¡¯ve made up my face with nude lips and a smoky dark eye shadow that Le showed me a few weeks back on the boat. My hair is its usual loose, tousled waves in a side parting. ¡°Wow, si ¨¨ assolutamente sorprendente, bambina.¡± He exims, the look on his face telling me that it¡¯s most definitely apliment. He swoops down to kiss me hard, taking my breath away. ¡°Maybe being late will be worth it.¡± He smirks, tracing a finger down from shoulder to cleavage diagonally and moving a little too close. ¡°Oh no you don¡¯t.¡± I p his hand away sassily. ¡°I did not rush this kind of perfection to have you mess it all up with a quickie.¡± I put my hands on my hips as he sighs off the lust. He relents, his eyes still devouring me. ¡°Only because Arrick has text me twenty times already, that¡¯s the only reason I¡¯m not bending you over the bed right now.¡± He throws me a hot Casanova smile and I get that annoyingly predictable internal flutter of heat. Really? Weeks together and I still cannot control the urge to jump his bones. He¡¯s in his trademark ck shirt and leather jacket, only this time with ck tailored trousers and ck shoes. He looks every bit the billionaire yboy tonight, his hair spiked to the center and his designer stubble trimmed to perfection. He smells amazing. ¡°You look sexy.¡± I grin as he pulls up the dark gray jacket from the bed and helps me ease into it. It¡¯s calf length and made of expensive wool and has the most ttering, fitted shape. A new acquisition from Donna at his urging that I needed a winter coat for formal events. New York is starting to get cooler already. ¡°You look far sexier than me, neonata.¡± He leads me out of the apartment, nodding at the security staff in the outer hall. * * * The club is bumping when we finally find our party inside, taking over an entire corner of tables by the wide windows overlooking New York. We¡¯re up high with the lights sparkling below like a sea of fairy sparkles and plenty of high-rise buildings looking like neon shows in the dark. The club is bustling and mourous with a center light reaching up from the floor and spreading out across the ceiling like an upturned chandelier, the whole ce aglow with gold tones and shimmering magical aura. It¡¯s busy and bustling with people everywhere. Jake¡¯s has his fingers entwined with mine as he introduces me to the hordes of new faces that swarmed toward him as we arrived. I recognize Arrick right away. He kisses me on the cheek boldly and pats his brother on the back affectionately. I spy Le and she waves frantically at me, too caught in her conversation with some tall blonde toe over and as I¡¯m glued to Jake¡¯s hand, I can¡¯t go to her. Daniel appears from the background; he looks toward Le on the fly and heads in the opposite direction without even the briefest of acknowledgment of us. He¡¯s too busy eye stalking my friend, it seems. I turn back quickly seeing a slight creep of color run up her delicate cheeks and then she goes back toughing loudly with her friend, it¡¯s obvious Hunter affects her more than she lets on. Her eyes never stray toward Daniel again which is a huge tell-tale sign. I long to go talk to her about it, but I¡¯m soon pulled into the arc of Jake¡¯s arms in front of his body as he introduces me to a vast number of unnaturally handsome people in expensive outfits. There¡¯s a mix of both male and female friends, too many to count and Jake seems to be at ease with most of them. It makes me feel in awe. He¡¯s effortless with people, he knows everyone and yet I¡¯m the pr opposite. People in social situations make me ufortable. I prefer the business deals and meetings where I can wear PA Emma¡¯s face and demand respect. This happy social stuff is beyond my comfort zone. I¡¯m a fish far out of water, but Jake seems to sense my apprehension and pulls me against him with an arm around the shoulders, keeping me in the middle of whomever he¡¯s talking to and involved; nudging me into the conversation at every opportunity. I just sip the cocktail he¡¯s bought me and listen for the most part, smile on cue and eventually start to rx under his attentive and protective care. The music is good, the ce is bumping and as I drink more, I start to loosen up. Jake relieves me from his hold, so he can lift his beer, a casual arm about my shoulders. Le winds her way toward me and soon she drags me out of Jake¡¯s arms to dance with her near one of the windows. I find it easy to be a little freer in herpany, she has that effect on me and her happy energy and bubbliness is infectious. ¡°Can I just say ¡­ Wow ¡­ I mean, wow!¡± Le giggles and pulls me close to a quiet table by a window, she throws herself down and clicks her fingers toward Jake, motioning a drink. He sticks his fingers up at her then turns and walks toward the bar which only makes meugh. ¡°What are you wowing at?¡± Iugh and slide down beside her, watching his sexy ass swagger across the club. ¡°Ummm, you and Jake! Like only the most loved up couple I have ever seen, like, ever. He rarely lets you out of his grasp, and for him, that¡¯s really something, Ems.¡± She beams at me. ¡°Yeah, I guess we kinda like each other.¡± I giggle and look over at him at the bar, he¡¯s propped his elbows on it as he waits for the bartender and is in full conversation with some guy on one side. I notice Daniel move up behind him and throw a casual arm around Jake¡¯s shoulder, motioning two fingers at the bartender over Jake¡¯s head. The contrast of the two men happens to be the most attractive sight in the bar. I guess I¡¯m slowly starting to warm to Daniel enough to no longer see him as a sleazy creep. He isn¡¯t a patch on Jake¡¯s looks, but he¡¯s a close contender. ¡°Pity he has such shit taste in best friends.¡± Le res across at the two men and looks down at her lap, suddenly fiddling with her nails. ¡°You want to talk about it? He kinda showed up a few days ago and I got the brief outline.¡± I throw her a supportive smile as her eyes widen. ¡°He told you and Jake?¡± I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s surprise or hurt. She is definitely shocked. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°He sort of asked after you and Jake almost beat it out of him, Jake was really pissed, too.¡± I move to the seat next to her and take a hand in mine, pulling it to myp and entwining fingers. ¡°I¡¯m here if you want to vent, he¡¯s not exactly my most favorite person in the world.¡± I try for augh but herck luster look, and down turned mouth halt me. I think she¡¯s going to cry. I¡¯m going to fucking kill him. ¡°No, there¡¯s nothing to say. I fell for it again, I slept with him and he never called me back. I¡¯m so stupid when ites to Daniel Hunter, I never learn.¡± Her eyes fill with moisture and then she sniffs them back down, her inner strength forcing its way up. She lifts her chin defiantly and looks at me with extreme purpose. ¡°I won¡¯t let him get to me; you know. He doesn¡¯t deserve the time it takes to talk or think about him, so let¡¯s just forget it.¡± ¡°I think he does care for you, Le, the way Jake and he were talking, it seems like overanalyzing and a huge case of cold feet.¡± I try and soothe my friend, but I catch the cold look move into her eye. ¡°Guess that¡¯s why he brought a date, right?¡± The color drains from my face and anger ignites. My eyes scan the room in fury, and I glimpse the tall porn star like waif hanging close by the bar where he¡¯s still hanging over Jake. Asshole. Chapter 154 Chapter 154 ¡°What? He knew you would be here though?¡± I¡¯m beyond perplexed, seems I have given him more due than he deserves. ¡°Exactly! Fuck him. Fuck men.¡± She slides up as Jake approaches with two pink cocktails oozing with sparkly decorations. Le reaches up and kisses him on the cheek as he slides one into her hand and then dips down and puts mine on the table. He slides in beside me and drapes an arm around the back of my chair as Le stands, watching us and downing half the drink in one go. I think she¡¯s deliberately turning her back on the scene of Hunter and his date dancing nearby. It¡¯s pretty obvious they are hooking up tonight. I could literally kick him in the face right now. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a bit.¡± She smiles and takes off toward the far side of the club with drink in hand and I sense Jake frowning at me. ¡°Is she okay?¡± I can tell by the look in his eye he really means, ¡°How much has Daniel hurt her this time?¡± ¡°She will be, she¡¯s a tough cookie who knows she¡¯s worth far more.¡± I stick up for her gantly. It¡¯s all true. Le is a feisty one and a fighter, it will take more than Daniel Hunter to break her. Jake gazes after her departing figure for a moment, lost in thought then seems to shrug it off. Whatever thoughts transpired; the alcohol obviously pushes aside. I can tell he¡¯s pretty mellow right now. ¡°Want to make out? I¡¯ve been missing you over there.¡± He smiles at me and I can¡¯t help the tug toward his mouth as soon as he even hints at kissing. It doesn¡¯t take long for us to end up wrapped in a clinch with mouths engaged in our second favorite physical pursuit. His tongue caressing mine softly and lips moving in perfect unison. His arms around me with one hand in the back of my hair keeping me held close. I could kiss him for an eternity. ¡°Will you twoe up for air?¡± Daniel¡¯s voice breaks in, the sharp shove transfers through Jake, obviously at Daniel¡¯s hands. ¡°Seriously man, I¡¯ve been standing over there for like twenty minutes waiting for you to stop.¡± ¡°This jealousy thing, man, it¡¯s killing me. I just don¡¯t fancy you, Danny!¡± Jake smirks up at him, arms still draped around me, holding me close. ¡°Funny! ¡­ Look, I need to talk to you ¡­ Alone.¡± Daniel is serious and some sort of secret look passes between them. ¡°Okay, keep your wig on.¡± Jake turns to me with a kiss and a smile. ¡°I¡¯ll not be long; I can see Le coming anyway.¡± We both nce up and see her heading for us, her eyes deliberately zoned in on me and avoiding Hunter. ¡°Seriously, dude?¡± Daniel lookspletely panicked and hurries Jake with him just as she approaches. Neither acknowledge one another and even though I catch Jake throw him a re, they both walk off. ¡°Asshole,¡± Le mumbles under her breath and moves back in beside me to grab my hand. ¡°Was powdering my nose and having some girly bathroom bonding and now we¡¯re dancing, sexy Ems. Come on.¡± She hauls me up to a clearing where some of the other women from our party are already gyrating in time to music and pulls me to the inner circle. I get the distinct impression she doesn¡¯t want to talk about this at all. A couple of the girls pull me over in sheer delight, asking me loudly over the thump thump of music, how I bagged the Jake Carrero as an actual boyfriend, and they make me feel about twenty feet tall. I try to give the briefest and vaguest of replies, saying Jake just couldn¡¯t resist me and sense Le start to unfurl back to that happy go lucky girl I¡¯m used to. Seems I¡¯m the envy of most of the women in the group. By the fifth cocktail, I¡¯m decidedly drunk,pletely epted into the group of giggling women and stumbling on my own shoes frequently. I¡¯m d when familiar strong armse around my waist from behind, his husky voice in my hair as he searches out my neck with his mouth. ¡°I feel neglected over there, be.¡± He pulls me into his body, molding me with his. Catching the envious and swooning looks from the women I¡¯ve been dancing with and experience an inner warm glow spread through me. I like the fact that Jake is as irresistible to other women as he is to me, it makes me kind of smug and on top of the world. ¡°You should havee over to dance then.¡± I grin, sinking into the feel of him, stumbling on my shoes again as he braces me. ¡°Think I should have, instead of sending over more alcohol, bambino ¡­ I think I see the return of drunk Emma, I¡¯ve never got down and dirty with her,¡± he breathes hoarsely into my ear, sounding so sexy I turn and nt a kiss on his lips impulsively, instant touch searing into hot kiss. He cups my face and pulls me back to his mouth a little more firmly. The second kiss is more scorching than the first and my legs literally turn to mush as he holds me up. I hear the giggling and coos of the women behind me and ignore them although the warmth of knowing he¡¯s all mine seers through me in an instant and ups the inner heat and urge to rip his clothes off. When he lets me go, I¡¯m panting with the effects of that kiss. ¡°You might get lucky, then.¡± I try my seductive look as he smiles in response, a perfect slow, smooth ¡®Hollywood¡¯s best¡¯ smile. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll be looking for a cab about now.¡± He grins against my mouth as he moves in for a repeat. I don¡¯t get a chance to respond as Le cuts in. ¡°Stop pawing at her and go back to your men folk.¡± Le snorts and we move apart slightly so we can both see her. ¡°Your obvious amore for your woman is making me green with envy, Jacob!¡± She pulls his arms off me and attempts to push him away, back to where he came from. I frown with disappointment. He grabs Le in a head lock and nts a kiss on top of her head as she battles to get his muscr arm off her face. ¡°Lay, if you stopped eating the men who tried to date you then one would be around to romance you too.¡± She shoves him off, throwing that famous pout at him. N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. ¡°Stop calling me that ¡­ We¡¯re not eight years old anymore, Jacob!¡± She huffs then breaks into a scowl when he pokes her in between the eyebrows. I¡¯ve always loved the almost sibling love between these too, I love Le so much that she can be forgiven for teasing Jake, as often as she does. ¡°And my name is Jake!¡± He points out haughtily, he hates his Christian name so badly, it¡¯s adorable. I just smile at the pair of them and shake my head. ¡°Children please.¡± They re at one another before Jake leans out, grabbing me by the hand and with a swift tug, has me back in his arms behind Le. Raising his eyebrows in mock disdain before kissing me slowly and deliberately. I catch her unamused snort and inwardly giggle. I can almost visualize her hand on hip posture and dramatic eye rolling. Le loudly exims something, and Jake looks up and over my head, his body instantly tensing as his whole manner changes. The look in his eye goes from light-hearted and rxed to sudden death re. Dark and dangerous, his whole demeanor changing instantly to solid stone. ¡°What is it?¡± I ask, straining to look around, but he¡¯s holding me against him so tightly I can¡¯t move more than a couple of inches. His jaw moves, eyes darkening heavily, teeth clenching¡ªit can¡¯t be good. I get a deep surge of anxiety, small ripples of apprehension in my stomach. I wonder what he sees that has fighter mode Carrero lifting its aggressive head from his fiery depths. ¡°Ummm, so, Emma ¡­¡± Le¡¯s voice drifts over, she sounds nervous. Jake makes no attempt to release me or even let me turn to see what she¡¯s doing. ¡°This is Ben, my older brother.¡± ¡°I know who he is.¡± Jake¡¯s voice is venomous, the arms around me relentless, he won¡¯t let me turn and be polite. Just held as his prisoner and I can¡¯t even look at Le. I look at him hopelessly, irritation rising at his behavior, only being able to see the upper side of his face and his strong steady re on whoever Ben is. He¡¯s practically emanating hate in a way I¡¯ve never seen from him. ¡°Nice to see you again, Jake.¡± The male voice replies smoothly, he sounds flippant, unscathed by Jake¡¯s obvious hostility, in fact, he sounds pleased about it. ¡°And you ¡­ Emma.¡± The presence moves away behind me and Jake finally lets me down enough to turn and see Le move toward the others with a tall, dark man standing at a simr height to Jake, but his back to us. His build and posture are remarkably Jake-like though, and that dark hair a perfect color match. ¡°Are you going to tell me what that was all about?¡± I ask pointedly. Jake scowls at the back of the person and fully lets me go, ignoring my question. Instead he turns, grabs my hand, and pulls me to the bar and orders shots. Up until now he¡¯s been going easy on the alcohol, staying mostly sober compared to me, but I guess he¡¯s changed his mind. Not that I care, I like Jake drunk or sober and never understood his recent sobriety. Chapter 155 Chapter 155 He drinks three shots to my one for a couple of rounds until I protest, a lot. He¡¯s being evasive and as much as I try to bring up the mysterious Ben, he just nks itpletely. I¡¯m already drunk and anymore I¡¯ll be unable to walk at all. Jake switches to vodka on the rocks and hands me a fruity cocktail which I leave on the bar for fear of passing out. He¡¯s avoiding conversation, so I let the subject lie, trying to get glimpses of Le¡¯s brother when Jake¡¯s not looking at me to figure out who the heck he is. Daniel appears and swings an arm around Jake¡¯s neck from behind, whispering something close to his ear that makes Jake frown. He turns his back on me in Daniel¡¯s hold and the two of them lower heads to one another and carry on the conversation in hushed tones. They look strangely cute yet totally male in that hunched way and even though he¡¯s being uncharacteristically weird, I try to ignore it. ¡°Dance!¡± Le demands appearing with another girl in tow and grabbing my hand, her eyes dart at the huddled pair and for a moment, I note a flicker of pain. Then defiant Le brews up in its ce and the smile is pasted back on. You go, girl! ¡°Sure thing.¡± I beam, I turn, tugging the back of Jake¡¯s shirt to alert him to the fact I¡¯m leaving. He turns as I¡¯m motioning the dance floor and he smiles, kisses me quickly on the cheek and turns back to Daniel, who has the bar filling up with doubles and shots in front of them. Oh boy, from sober to stered in the shortest time ever. Looks like that¡¯s what he intends to do. * * * ¡°Wow.¡± I scream as Le spins me for the third time sending me wheeling across the narrow area we have chosen as a dance space; the ce is jam packed and bumping into random strangers is inevitable. I catch Jake looking over from the group of men he¡¯s epassed within and smile at him. He smiles back but there¡¯s a tension about him that wasn¡¯t there before. I¡¯m pulled back by Le minutester, before being thrust out in a twirl and colliding with someone hard. ¡°Ouch¡± I yelp as strong handse up to steady me. I pull myself from the person, apologizing profusely and stand on my own two feet. Hard to do when you¡¯re extremely drunk and I¡¯m sure I¡¯m slurring. I look up into the face of the tall dark wall of collision and I¡¯m surprised by the resemnce to Jake, it¡¯s almost eerie, although, where Jake is casual sexy with designer stubble and green eyes this one has a clean-shaven face and blue eyes and more of a James Bond thing going for him. He smiles at me and extends a hand. ¡°A proper introduction ¡­ I¡¯m Ben Huntsberger ¡­ Le¡¯s brother.¡± He smiles and I¡¯m d to see that he doesn¡¯t have Jake¡¯s heart-wrenching ¡®I¡¯m too hot¡¯ smile, he doesn¡¯tpare at all and his smile seems somehow all too white and all too engineered in that fake tan glow on his skin. Jake¡¯s tan is at least real, even without the sun, he has that Italian olive skin coloring anyway. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°Emma Anderson.¡± I shake his hand and quickly pull away, not liking the feel of his skin on mine, somehow it feels wrong to be touched by him and sends a weird unease through me. Jake aside, I still cringe at men touching me. ¡°She¡¯s told me a lot about you.¡± He grins at me and I get the distinct impression he¡¯s trying to flirt. I lower my brows, narrow my eyes suspiciously and move back, feeling a little ufortable. There¡¯s that same thing with him that I get with most men, most men except Jake. I never ever felt it with him, not even from the start. An off feeling of mistrust. ¡°Most of it¡¯s probably not true ¡­ She likes to embellish.¡± I smile tightly, making sure I don¡¯t encourage him in any way, I know his type. ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯s all true.¡± His eyes wander up my legs and over my body before taking a second too long on my cleavage. ¡°She tells me you¡¯re Jake¡¯s girlfriend?¡± there¡¯s that inner wave of bile and unease. He¡¯s making my skin crawl, but I don¡¯t get a chance to answer when I¡¯m tugged back harshly into a hard chest and a very irate Jake, holding my upper arm almost painfully. ¡°Yes, she is ¡­ So, you can go letch somece else, asshole.¡± The aggression is oozing off Jake in overwhelming waves, making me extremely uneasy almost instantly. My rm bells going off at being caught between them and the mounting alpha male vibe that Jake is throwing off in swarms. ¡°Well, didn¡¯t you turn out to be the jealous one after all?¡± Ben quips grinning, but it¡¯s the wrong thing to say and Jake moves forward to him in a sh, face to face. Pushing me a little too abruptly aside so that I stumble into someone else. I catch myself and stagger behind him to keep my distance, eyes wide at this new version of him, unsure what to think or do. I¡¯m stunned that he actually shoved me. ¡°You think I¡¯d be jealous of you? Emma wouldn¡¯t give you a second look.¡± He snaps in Ben¡¯s face, the men nose to nose in a disy of dominance, equally matched in height and muscle. The air sparking around them. My inner body begins to tremble in fear, unsure how to react. I¡¯ve never seen Jakee head to head with someone in this way. Never seen him behave like this. Only Ray Vanquis and that ended in bloodshed for a totally justified reason. ¡°I¡¯m sure you thought that about Marissa too, yet she was only too willing to climb into my bed.¡± Ben sneers and my brain instantly clicks the pieces into ce, and I gasp quietly. This was Jake¡¯s best friend? The man who betrayed him so long ago. No wonder Jake feels this way about him. I don¡¯t see iting at all, it¡¯s so sudden and uncharacteristic of Jake that I barely see it happen. He hits Ben full on in the face with one perfect punch in his trained boxer stance, energy rippling around us and the room almost falls silent as the thud echoes in my ears. The other man crumples to the ground. Chaos immediately erupting around us as others jump to their feet as Le starts yelling. I¡¯m pushed back behind other girls by the force of those getting involved and can¡¯t see what¡¯s happening. For minutes I¡¯m pushing and struggling to get out from the corner I¡¯ve been trapped into, panic searing through me, surrounded by noise and shouting which is drowning out the music. I¡¯m yanked forward by Le finally, who drags me out between groups of people, and hurriedly leads me along the windows and out in front of the bar by a smaller side door before heading for the opening. ¡°Where¡¯s Jake?¡± I demand trying to wrench free. ¡°Le, stop! Where is he?¡± I squeal in panic. I can¡¯t leave without him, I need to know where he is, what¡¯s happening, and if he¡¯s okay. ¡°We¡¯re following him!¡± Le barks. ¡°Security threw him outside with Ben, I need you to calm him down before he fucking kills him.¡± She ispletely distraught. ¡°Wait, what?¡± I grab her hand, pulling her to a sharp stop. ¡°I thought Jake hit him and that was the end ¡­ Everyone got in the way and I couldn¡¯t see anymore.¡± The fear that has taken hold in my stomach is most definitely in panic mode. ¡°Ben got back up, when Jake went to walk away, he lurched at him and tried to hit Jake back.¡± Le starts to cry, and I wrap my arms around her. ¡°I got pushed aside and I couldn¡¯t see anymore ¡­ Next thing I knew both Ben and Jake were gone and apparently heading out of the building to finish what they started.¡± She starts sobbing. ¡°I love them both ¡­ I don¡¯t know what to do.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± I soothe, trying to act more sober and braver than I feel, the shock of what¡¯s happened has improved my senses. The deep pit of worry inside me takes over, pushing good old familiar PA Emma head in ce. I pull La along, following others who are leaving the building, hoping I¡¯m going the right way. I spot one of the men who had been with us upstairs ahead of us and follow him at speed, dragging a silent and tearful Le along by the hand with determination. My heart thudding through my chest. We get outside after the longest time ever, people in the way hindering us. Arrick appears, looking less frantic and just shakes his head in our general direction, like this is something normal and every day. I feel ill with nerves, but my outward demeanor is that of cool and controlled PA Emma, she was always best in a crisis. There seems to be a crowd in the street. Pulling Le by the hand, I spot more familiar faces and finally see Ben being held back by two men. His face is bloody, his perfect hair messy, and his shirt pulled and torn. He¡¯s yelling and struggling to get loose, but they have an arm each and are doing their best to keep him back. Chapter 156 Chapter 156 I follow the direction of his hateful gaze and see Jake standing about twenty feet from him. He has another few men in front of him, talking to him. He lookspletely unscathed, less agitated than Ben and requiring a lot less force to keep him still, not a hint of anything wrong with his attire at all. I let go of Le and run for him, pushing in between him and the man shielding him back with a hand and throw myself around him. The tearsing from nowhere. He seems to jolt back to reality at my touch, and instantly rxes, tension I hadn¡¯t seen in his face seeping from his rigid body. His handse to my face and pulls my chin up to bring our eyes to one another. ¡°Hey ¡­ Don¡¯t cry.¡± He soothes, the furrow on his brow deepening and showing remorse instead of anger. ¡°Bambino, hey ¡­ Stop now.¡± His armse around mepletely, his face and mouthe into my neck, surrounding me wholly. He squeezes the life out of me, lifting me from my feet in a bear hug that almost winds me. The rage inside of me rises surely and so suddenly now that I know he¡¯s okay, the fact that Jake physically pushed me out of his way in a nightclub to fight with some idiot over her. It sparks to the surface without warning, igniting crazily, I shove him off hard and square up to him as best I can, being so much shorter. ¡°Don¡¯t ever do that to me again,¡± I yell at him, tears reced with anger, his face a picture of disbelief. He goes to grab me, but I hit him away angrily, the fire inside me fully zing. Jealousy eating my soul. How could he behave like that in a nightclub? He pushed me aside and physically attacked someone? No. He attacked the person who stole Marissa from him, the girl he doesn¡¯t care for anymore¡ª apparently! That, more than anything, is at the root of my drunken fury. My insecurity piqued and sensitized and irrational Emma on a full-blown tirade in her woozy state. ¡°I¡¯m going home!¡± I snap, giving him no chance to answer. I turn away, looking around for Le, for anyone to get me away from him and the utter rage I am in right now. ¡°Emma?¡± Jakees at me again, apprehension all over his face. I¡¯m beyond livid, I need him not to touch me. I spin away and march back in the direction of Arrick, who¡¯s standing nearby, looking toward Le with Ben. She¡¯s got her arms around her brother¡¯s waist and is talking to him, crying her eyes out, pleading with him, all the while he¡¯s ring over her head at Jake with unveiled venom. He locks on me storming past, pushes Le aside and marches forward grabbing me by the wrist and tries at a revengeful kiss on my mouth. He wants Jake to go for him again and he¡¯s using me as a weapon. I p him hard across the face as I see iting, instant defensive Emma, so honed and acting impulsively. Incensed with anger. I don¡¯t even geta chance to feel the burn wave through my hand. I¡¯m thrust forward into Arrick Carrero with a hard shove from behind, that makes me fly forward straight into his arms as though he¡¯s expecting it. Flying like a rag doll and enveloped in his surprisingly firm hold. Shocked and winded and trying not to fight, I turn in the younger man¡¯s arms¡ªhe¡¯s strong for someone so lean¡ªand I see Jake and Ben rolling around on the ground, going at it on the hard, concrete street. Jake is most definitely getting the upper hand and the look of sheer hatred emanating from his face sends chills down my body. I try to lurch forward but Arrick keeps a tight hold, picking me up off my feet and marches me away from the craziness. I squeal and struggle in protest but it¡¯s futile, he has Jake¡¯s strength and iron will and in no way am I a match. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. I¡¯m deposited into a waiting car, Arrick slides in holding my arm tightly with a vice grip and looks toward the scene from the window. ¡°Take us to Jake¡¯s apartment,¡± Arrickmands the driver while I wriggle, trying to get my hand free and protest. ¡°Hell, no! ¡­ Your brother is back there fighting ¡­ I¡¯m not leaving him.¡± I yell aggressively and try another twist at my arm to get free. His grip only tightens, and it begins to hurt a little. ¡°Jake¡¯s a big boy ¡­ I know him well enough to know this is the only way to get him home and away from Ben Huntsberger in a hurry ¡­ Jake used to spend a lot of his younger life beating the crap out of people, Emma, I¡¯m seriously not worried. Ben should be though ¡­ My brother is an aplished fighter and Ben just touched the one thing in the world that flipped Jake¡¯s psycho switch.¡± He seems almost proud and is smirking as the car pulls off. Like this he doesn¡¯t look quite so young or immature as the boy I remember in Jake¡¯s office. He looks eerily like him. For the first time ever, I note a slight resemnce to Jake in his face, it¡¯s in the smirk, the slight curve of his mouth, the straight brows and intense re and it quietens me momentarily. ¡°Why would dragging me away make hime? He¡¯s back there fighting over his ex-girlfriend.¡± I snap, tears biting at my eyes irrationally. Arrick nces at me with a confused frown then shrugs and murmurs, ¡°Women,¡± almost sarcastically. When the car is up to speed on the road, he finally lets go of me and pulls out his phone, sticking it to his ear casually. ¡°Hey, Daniel ¡­ Tell my brother I¡¯m taking his girlfriend back to his ce ¡­ Tell him she¡¯s absolutely livid with him and thinking of packing her bags.¡± He throws me a triumphant look, as though he¡¯s just put the best master n in motion, then sits backfortably. A master of dominance and maniption, just like his brother. ¡°Look, Emma, just rx and let me take you home. I know him better than most. Trust me to get him home ¡­ Deal?¡± He holds out a muscr, squared hand and throws me his most charming smile as though asking me to shake on it. Jake¡¯s smile in a face that is weirdly both like and not like his. I soften a little, despite my head full of anger, insecurity, and chaos and stuck back somewhere on the street of New York where my boyfriend is reenacting a scene from Fight Club. ¡°Thanks. I guess. Deal ¡­ I¡¯m sorry Jake ruined your birthday.¡± I shake his hand then look away, my mind still racing back to what¡¯s happening with him as my insides writhe in chaos. ¡°Ben¡¯s an asshole. Any chance he gets, he likes to start this shit with Jake, it¡¯s been ten years or more and he still won¡¯t give it up.¡± Arrick shrugs in that annoying Carrero manner. Jesus can he have anymore of Jake¡¯s mannerisms? ¡°Wait, what? If Ben¡¯s the one who hurt Jake, then why is Ben the one causing an issue?¡± I nche at him pointedly, confusion muddling my already muddled brain. ¡°Ben¡¯s been in love with Marissa since forever ¡­ Even after Jake broke up with her, she just kept trailing after him and pushed Ben aside ¡­ Ben has never got over the fact she still picked Jake over him.¡± He checks his phone as it lights up and texts someone back absentmindedly. He¡¯s annoyingly confident like his brother. ¡°So, this has happened before? Anytime they meet?¡± The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. ¡°Well yeah, in a way. Never as physical as tonight though ¡­ Jake¡¯s normally a lot more in control ¡­ He normally just blows him off with sarcasm and a lot of posturing. Tonight, is the first time he¡¯s hit Ben in years.¡± He¡¯s back to looking at me across the back seat. A small smile of assurance on his face. I guess Arrick does have more of Jake in that face now I can see him up close, he doesn¡¯t have that devastating, male-dominant thing going on with wless masculinity, but he has something. More boyish and cute than rugged. Like a little brother should, especially one who is still so young. ¡°Jake drunk a lot tonight. Maybe that¡¯s why?¡± I turn away to watch the passing scenery, a horrid heaviness inside of me waiting to burst open. ¡°I think Ben saw something he¡¯s never had before ¡­ A weapon to rile my brother, that¡¯s why he tried to kiss you.¡± He smiles at me and I shake my head, that inner anguish firing back up and tears threatening. ¡°No, the first hit was after he mentioned Marissa ¡­ You¡¯re wrong.¡± I shrug, the emotion inside of me raw. I start biting my thumb nail anxiously, fingers instantly finding a strand of my hair to tug at as old Emma insecurity takes over. ¡°Jake wouldn¡¯t hit him if he weren¡¯t already riled, Emma ¡­ He started growling the second he saw Ben talking to you, I was beside him ¡­ As soon as he saw him near you, he put his drink down in readiness for battle.¡± He smiles gently and disarms me with Jake¡¯s most annoying trait ever. He pulls my fingers out of my hair and puts my hand on myp with a gentle tap before letting it go. It causes a surprised shock to run through me, just the sheer paternal way he did it, like he¡¯s the older one here. Chapter 157 Chapter 157 I sit for what feels like an eternity, waiting with bated breath and extreme anxiety coursing through me. Finally, the door opens, and voicese into the apartment. There seems to be more than one and I can¡¯t tell if any are Jake. I wait and listen. A maleugh that sounds like Daniel, possibly Arrick too and then I hear Jake, low and husky and my heart constricts with relief. The bedroom door opens almost instantly, and he sticks his head around sheepishly, his brows furrowed as he locks eyes with me. Like a child about to meet the headmaster. There¡¯s no evidence of any fighting on him at all, no messy face or mussed hair, no torn clothing. I look away from him, emotion rising in my throat, relief and upset. I want to cry suddenly now that he¡¯s finally here and safe. He walks toward me, I can smell the outside air from his clothes and the faint smells of nightclub and a lot of alcohol as he gets closer. ¡°You still mad at me, bambino?¡± he asks, he has my coat and bag in hand and throws them to the chair in the corner, sliding across the bed and gently pulling my legs out from under me so he cany me t. I ignore him, looking away still as my body starts to slide down with his maneuvering. ¡°Don¡¯t do that, miele.¡± He slides my hand out of my hair, it¡¯s followed by a tug on my chin to make me stop chewing my lip. He¡¯s being gentle and cautious, wariness in his voice. He pulls me so I¡¯m t out on the bed then slides over me, resting a knee between my legs, his weight on his arms so he¡¯s above me and looking down. I stay steady with my head turned to one side, fighting the urge to cry, fighting the urge to curl up into that body. I want to search his face and body for signs of injury, but the overwhelming emotion has me stone cold still, like old Emma would be. Emotions bubbling inside in chaos leaving a nk expression and icy demeanor. ¡°I see through this, you know.¡± He breathes, leaning in to touch his lips against my cheek, his nose traces gently across my skin igniting that familiar fluttering and crazy tingles. I close my eyes, so he doesn¡¯t see any hint of response. ¡°The silent treatment, huh?¡± He kisses my neck gently, trailing down to the line of my shirt, one of his hands sliding under it, skin on skin, across my abdomen and up to my breast, slowly and surely. I hold my breath, biting my inner lip to quell any noise that maye out involuntarily, I can¡¯t just give into him and let him think his behavior is eptable. ¡°I can make you respond, Emma ¡­ I know you better than you think.¡± He whispers, still a drunken slur to his voice and the overwhelming fumes of alcohol seeping from him. He starts gently sucking my ear lobe, his hand still moving over my breast, his fingers stop over my hardening nipple as he smiles against my ear, ¡°Doesn¡¯t take much.¡± He leans against me, lifting my shirt up and putting his mouth there instead. I flinch as desire courses through me, my body dying to turn and wrap around him. I hold myself steady, trying to find that inner anger and hold onto it, angry at myself for being so weak when ites to him and angry at him for thinking all it takes is a slow seduction and I¡¯m won over. His hand moves and trails down toward my underwear, skimming the waistline suggestively before sliding inside, his fingertips moving to my core slowly and finding it more than willing. ¡°See.¡± He stops his assault on my nipples and concentrates on the apex of my thighs instead. I bite my lip hard to kill the moan that threatens to erupt, his teasing is working but I¡¯m not ready to back down yet. I can do this, I can fight Carrero¡¯s charm. He leans down low to my navel and licks my abdomen suggestively, my pulse quickens, desire coursing and I hope his mouth moves further south. Hating my own weakness to his advances but he stops, so suddenly, jumps up from the bed and walks off, turning at the door. ¡°I¡¯m not going to rape my girlfriend, Emma ¡­ Come find me when you get over it.¡± With a smirk he pulls the door shut and walks off to the low hum of male voices in the sitting area. It¡¯s like a p in the face and my rage ignites fully, grabbing the nearest thing to me I throw it hard at the door with vengeance. The hard-back book Jake¡¯s been reading hits it with a loud thump before sliding to the floor amid a flutter of pages in a dramatic fashion. I jump out of bed and storm to the bathroom, holding back the tears and m the door shut, locking it tight before sitting down on the fluffy bathmat and crying my eyes out. I¡¯ve no idea what the hell is wrong with me, this overwhelming need to be angry at him, to punish him and now this broken heart because he refused to y my game. I¡¯m a crazy bundle of emotions that don¡¯t rte to one another, probably still more drunk than I realize with an overwhelming need to hit something hard. The bathroom door handle moves a little, startling me then stops, then again as he tests that I really have locked it before it stills, his footsteps moving away. I wait and watch, unsure if I want to even see him, but then that rage erupts again because he didn¡¯t even try and coax me out to talk to him. Jake always pursues me, always wins me around, it¡¯s one of his most infuriating qualities. He never just lets things lie, always pushing to get me to open up. So why not tonight? Why is he being an asshole and acting like I don¡¯t matter? I get up wiping my face dry with rage and utch the door, storming into the bedroom; surprised to see him standing, waiting for me with folded arms. His eyes meet mine with a hint of triumph which only annoys me further. Damn him for always anticipating my next move. ¡°So, she¡¯s in a temper tonight. Drunk, horny, and angry. Interestingbo for my beautiful little hell cat.¡± He tilts his head watching me. ¡°Poor book didn¡¯t much like meeting the door though.¡± He shrugs in amusement. I re at him frostily, tilting my chin up and go to march to the bed to make a show of how pissed I am. He catches my arm, tugging me to him abruptly. Catching me with both hands around my upper arms he leans down to kiss me, his mouth finding me weak, betraying myself. My senses snap back into focus and I bite him on the lower lip viciously. He moves back in surprise, his handing to his mouth for second, a frown enveloping his face and then he tightens his hold on my arms tugging me toward him and kisses me again. This time it¡¯s harder, I respond greedily and then bite him again as fury surges in front of lust. This time it¡¯s done with more intent, feeling a rush of something inside of me when he clutches me tightly and tosses me back on the bed. For a moment I think he¡¯s going to storm out, but he doesn¡¯t, he follows me slowly, climbing on top of me, catching my hands and pinning them by my head and staring at me in a very calcted way. I struggle and start fighting him off, unable to tear away from his gaze, his pupils widening with lust and something terrifying. A look he¡¯s never given me and I¡¯m not sure if he wants to kiss me or hit me. I struggle weakly, but he has me expertly pinned down. His lip looks red where I bit him and the urge to soothe ites from nowhere. I reach up mid-fight and suck it, that gains a groan from him which only pushes me further. Confusion ripping through my mind at my inability to pick a mood and stick with it. Angry at myself for being weak I bite him again; he pulls back harshly, forcing my arms higher above my head, aggressively, so that I can no longer move my upper body. I bring my knee up impulsively but his leg pins me down swiftly, anticipating it. ¡°So, she wants to fuck, but she also wants to fight, huh?¡± he growls, gazing at me wolfishly, a smirk moving across his face. ¡°If you want angry sex, baby, all you need to do is ask ¡­ I¡¯m all yours.¡± He moves down, nibbling my neck, aware I can¡¯t fight him off, all I can do is re at him. Do I want him to have sex with me while feeling this way? Yes ¡­ The desire building within me is threatening to explode if he doesn¡¯t take me like he can¡¯t control it. This is what I need, an extreme reaction from him ¡­ To take me as though he¡¯s no control anymore, even if I¡¯m fighting him. To heal the wounds his fighting over Marissa has left me with.C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. Chapter 158 Chapter 158 It¡¯s what I want. It shocks me, that after everything in my life, every man who ever tried to force himself on me, I want him to do this to me. He¡¯s right though; the thrill of what he¡¯s suggesting has me writhing and arching my body below him in wanton desire, almost begging him to take me with force. I¡¯ve so much anger and aggression within me tonight and it needs release. This endless need to have Jake forcefully take me must have deeper, emotional roots but I don¡¯t care. Whatever messed up part of me switches this on is beyond myprehension and I don¡¯t want to begin analyzing it. He sits up, letting go of me suddenly so he can lift his weight over me at a distance, giving me space. He releases my legs, too. His eyes meeting mine. ¡°One little word, Emma, and I quit, okay? Just say stop and I¡¯ll leave you alone.¡± He looks at me differently, apprehension in his eyes for a moment. His voice unsure. I steel my gaze, lift my hands, and shove him hard so he falls onto his back beside me, swiftly moving to straddle him. I yank up his shirt exposing wless perfection and rake my nails down his chest with every ounce of venom I can muster, watching him flinch and bite his lip at the pain. Releasing my anger in a very satisfying way. This is what I need. A grin breaks across his face, he grabs me by the hips and throws me back down on the bed jumping over me once more into dominant position. ¡°Game on, baby,¡± he mutters,ing in for a crushing kiss, starting something he excels at. Games are Jake¡¯s forte, his weakness when ites to sex and he can flip it like a switch. I fight, I bite, and I even attempt to p him, but he¡¯s fast with quick reflexes and grabs and pins every one of my movements down on the mattress. It ignites something between us so hot we¡¯re almost engulfed in the mes, releasing teen Emma and her pent-up fury. I yank his shirt over his head, he follows suit, yanking mine off and ripping my underwear free. I have to sink my teeth into my bottom lip to quell the urge to moan out. He flips me over on the bed, grabbing both my wrists and sying me out star shaped under him, my face buried in the pillows as his weight moves up behind me. His pants grinding against my ass heavily, he bites and kisses my exposed shoulders roughly, holding me down. Using his foot to kick my legs apart and nestles in between them. I can feel every part of him against my ass and the effect only causes a rush of warmth and excitement to surge through me. I fight and squirm, but I¡¯m so powerfully held that I can do nothing buty, ttened. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°I¡¯m going to fuck you any way I want, baby.¡± His hoarse growl is nothing like any Jake I¡¯ve ever known, and it sends a thrill through me. I can barely breathe, held this way, my legs forced open by his body, his weight crushing me and his grip merciless on my wrists. All I have is extreme hunger and desire, an ache so overpowering but I won¡¯t sumb. I really want this, some crazy internal need to be forced. Chicago Emma is being allowed free for the first time without consequence, a part of me I never wanted him to see and he¡¯s almost goading her out to meet him. I try to buck him off, but he pushes me down, a handing to my neck and holding me from behind, fingers firm and constricting. He grinds into me some more, increases the force with every one of my muffled cries into the pillows. My rage is pulsing from me, but it only serves to increase how turned on I am. Jake has never been this way with me, even when consumed by lust there¡¯s always an element of gentleness, a feeling that I¡¯m always safe with him. Tonight, it¡¯s gone, he¡¯s primal and aggressive and it pushes me beyond control. He¡¯s drunk and wired from fighting, pushed on by my mood and I want this more than anything I have ever needed. I need this release. He lets go of my hand and neck, his body moving back off me a little, I can feel him maneuvering his trousers off, wriggling about behind me, face still close to the back of my head so I reach back with my one free hand and tug his hair, it¡¯s all I can catch, struggling to tangle my fingers in its shortness, but managing enough. I tug at it again, satisfied as hees down biting me on the shoulder, not enough to draw blood but enough to sting. I buck and lift my legs to try to kick, but it¡¯s futile. It just enrages me. Moving back, he leans off me, yanking his hair away and smacks me hard on my bare ass. Enough of a p to cause a sting and then a wave of heated warmth. I yelp in surprise, my first instinct is to feel outraged, maybe even upset by him hitting me so ruthlessly. I bite down the reaction, push my butt back hard so I collide with his now naked groin in mid-air with a satisfied grunt from him. His hand grips my hips hard, fingers biting my skin, pulling me back to him with a thrust. I can feel all of him, he¡¯s fully aroused and the tension only seems to be getting thicker around us. Bent over like this, resting on my elbows, my face still in the pillows, I feel vulnerable. I¡¯ve got myself into a position where he can do anything to me, and I can¡¯t do a single thing in defense. He seems to realize it too, both handsing to my waist and pulling me back further, so my knees are bent below me. He enters me roughly, no forey and soft touches, only the wetness of my earlier arousal and what we¡¯ve been doing. He isn¡¯t gentle, he thrusts in hard and I yelp out again in surprise at the movement. My head jerking forward further into the cushions and I w at his hands. Yessss! I start moaning out as he begins thrusting hard into me, I want to fight but I also want to grind into him, making his pration harder. He feels better than good and the tiny stars going off inside of me already are a sign of just how turned on I am. I¡¯m practically unraveling without any effort from him. He grabs my hair from the back, yanking my head back with a tug so my chin lifts from the pillows, his other hand between my shoulders, holding me down to the bed so I can¡¯t raise up from my chest. He¡¯s got me underplete control and even though the waves of pleasure are already coursing through me, that inner instinct to fight back surges out and I start to resist him. Using my hands to reach back and try to grab at his arm and hand on my back, to w him, to hitch onto anything to give me a fighting chance. I¡¯m struggling and twisting as his thrusts get harder and more relentless, he grunts and groans in a way he never has, and I moan out too. His heavy weight is crushing me, his hold biting into my skin and his grip tightening cruelly but I want it harder. Unable to control the first waves of orgasm approaching, my body starts to tighten, he bends forward over me to put more pressure on me, changing the angle and pushing into me further. I cry out, giving up the fight, my fingers instead clutching the sheets below me while I pant in ecstasy. I can¡¯t let go and lose control, let him win so easily. I need more. I bite down hard on my lip, pushing back with all my might, using my hands as leverage on the mattress and somehow, we both end up falling backward, his armsing around my waist, taking me with him. We¡¯re too close to the edge of the bed and fall with a thud to the floor, meing tond on his front rather dramatically, he¡¯s still inside of me. That wave of satisfaction has a smile widening on my face now that I¡¯m back in control and on top. I begin moving in rhythm, too horny to not want it. His body goes from tense to rxed, his hands unwrapping from around me and moving to my hips instead, slow steady and intense grinding as a soft sigh leaves his lips. Moving me to ride him. I don¡¯t think so, Carrero ¡­ I¡¯m not ready to switch to sensual love making just yet. I arch myself, lifting my arms over my head and sliding around his neck at full stretch. He seems to feel iting and as I try to tighten into an angry head lock, he thrusts his pelvis hard, my body losing focus for a moment, enough for him to yank both my arms apart. Holding them either side of his head, his grip tight and biting. He ups the rhythm, thrusting into me so hard I¡¯m moved up and down on his body. His feet are on the ground lifting us up, so he can get momentum, my legs syed with feet dangling over the floor and unable to steady myself. My anger ignites, no matter what I do, he gains control. Using his sheer muscle against me. He anticipates my every movement. His mouthes to my ear biting and nipping my lobe. ¡°Yield, baby, because like it or not, I¡¯m going to make you cum when I want you to. Not the other way around.¡± The gravelly tone sends shivers through my core and kills all my resolve. His voice can push me into submission effortlessly. His movements inside of me harder and faster and that wave that threatens to envelope me building again and I¡¯m so near it¡¯s starting to consume me. I want it too badly, giving in too easily. I¡¯m screaming out for that release, aware that I¡¯m moaning and panting out loud, but I don¡¯t care who hears us. I only want him to make me cum loud and hard, so I can feel that peak and fall finally. The building yearn, threatening to consume me with his aggressive pounding. He senses the change in me and pushes me off him so hard I roll onto the floor with a squeal and then a thud. Unceremoniously dumped but a smile breaks my face darkly. Chapter 159 Chapter 159 ¡°I don¡¯t think so. I said when I choose, not you.¡± He lifts me up from the floor around the waist, igniting my flight or fight mode and I begin wing and kicking furiously. Physically fighting him but he just laughs at me when he dumps me back on the bed. The anger searing now, teen Emma so undeniably on show and spitting teeth. All hands and ws, pping andunching at him. No hiding my crazy from him anymore, she is on full show and he isn¡¯t fazed by her at all. Instead he handles her like a pro. I was so close to orgasm that his stopping has sent me over the edge. I throw myself at him, trying for a p, his hand catching my wrist, I try with the other, but he catches that too. Throwing me on my back hard on the bed and following fast, he kisses me harshly, his mouth demanding, his touch forcing me to open and let him in. His tongue pushing against mine almostmandingly. He¡¯s forced my arms at the side of my head, his body bringing mine to heel once more. He¡¯s never kissed me this way, it¡¯s almost punishing, a fierceness I never knew him capable of. I¡¯m distracted by what he¡¯s doing and then shocked into a gasp as he thrusts himself into me again. No love, only sheer need to screw me. I cry out with our mouths still locked together, at the harshness of it, yet somehow it only reignites the closeness of my orgasm. Why are you liking this so much? Emma, what the hell? This is worse than anything any of those men tried to do to you, this is beyond perverse. You have serious mental issues. He pushes against me harder than before, pinning my arms higher above my head, aggressive dominance pouring from every cell, a hint at his strength and ability to hurt me should he want. He holds me down, biting my lip hard as he moves fast and finally makes me reach that pinnacle of orgasm with speed. I have no way of fighting back, no control anymore, he has mepletely at his whim. A dominant, aggressive man taking what he wants from me and not caring about how he gets it. It¡¯s not the same, it¡¯s Jake. Jake would never do this to me if I didn¡¯t want it. I trust him, even this way, even acting like he wants to hurt me. I know that I¡¯m safe, that he is still holding back his strength. I need this, some strange broken part of me aches for this, despite everything. I cum loudly, screaming out and spasming out of control around him, my vision going ck with the sheer intensity of it. Stars igniting all around and I lose sense of time and space as everything goes nk for a moment. My body finally stilling as he too cums inside me. His body tenses over me before falling heavily, breathing, and panting in unison with me. All myst ounces of anger and rage are dispersed with that explosion and I suddenly feel fragile, vulnerable, and emotional as my body stills from release. My fight disperses to nothing. He rolls off me onto his back to catch his breath and wey quiet for a moment. Neither moving nor saying anything, only the deafening silence between us in the now pitch darkness of the room. The sudden urge to cry hits me, I don¡¯t want this version of Jake anymore. I want my gentle Jake who kisses me softly and strokes my face. I had my fun, expelled all that anger and energy inside of me with that crashing release, now I want my security back. I want my Jake! I don¡¯t like this version. I shiver, the internal war of emotions getting to me, afraid that he may just go to sleep or go back to whoever he has in the next room, still angry and oozing aggression. There¡¯s a moment of pause, I stop breathing as I try to listen and see if I get any inclination of who he is right now and then he moves. He rolls back to me, his handes to my face and gently strokes my cheek softly, slowly, his breath over my skin. ¡°Are you okay, be?¡± His voice is soft and soothing and normal, I¡¯m hit with relief as it washes over me and move into him, curling myself around him possessively, burying my face in his neck as I let all my rage go. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I mutter quietly, fighting the tears. His armse around me fully, wrapping me against him. My gentle Jake was always there. I¡¯ve nothing to worry about, he never left me. ¡°No, baby, I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Sorry that I made you upset tonight. I¡¯m sorry I left you in that club and I¡¯m sorry I shoved you out of the way ¡­ I¡¯m sorry I made you feel the way you did when I came home, you know I can be a prize asshole. Especially when I drink.¡± His voice is husky, his hand finds my face to lift my chin as he kisses me slow and soft. A perfect Jake ¡®I love you¡¯ kiss that melts every part of me. ¡°I was so mad at you,¡± I whisper unsurely, closing my eyes against the feel of his skin, confusion running through me at what I just made him do. ¡°I noticed.¡± He grins against my mouth; it makes me smile despite myself. ¡°I liked this ¡­ Angry Emma sex ¡­ But I don¡¯t think I want to do it very often, bambino ¡­ I feel guilty now, guilty that I hurt you.¡± His hand traces my shoulder and upper arm slowly,ing down to stroke across my ass where he struck me. ¡°Are you okay?¡± He sounds genuinely concerned and remorseful, his face hovering over mine. ¡°You didn¡¯t hurt me, not really.¡± I breathe. ¡°I liked it ¡­ But now I want normal Jake.¡± I sigh, my body fully rxing as his face moves against mine, bringing his nose across my cheek, small yful kisses. ¡°I¡¯m always here, bambino ¡­ Even mid angry fuck, I would have stopped and just made love to you had you said the word.¡± He brushes his lips against mine, still cupping my face. ¡°You can always trust me, Emma ¡­ Even when I¡¯m acting like a violent, crazed, jealous, idiot.¡± He smiles against my mouth again and moves his body to mold against mine a little better. He pulls the bed sheets up over us now that we¡¯re calm, and our body heat is cooling. ¡°Jealous?¡± I repeat, confused and wary. Had he been jealous when Ben brought up Marissa ¡­ Or had it been me? This is what had started my rage after all. ¡°As soon as I saw him touch you, I wanted to hit him, he gave me enough reason by bringing up the past ¡­ It wasn¡¯t about her though ¡­ I told you, Emma, with you I get crazy jealous. I can¡¯t even think straight, and this is new for me, I don¡¯t know how to handle it ¡­ It just makes me so overwhelmingly angry and I want to hurt people andsh out.¡± The tension in his voice surprises me. ¡°I¡¯ve never been this way, hence not knowing how to deal with it ¡­ Marissa used to try to get me jealous a lot, she would flirt with Ben for a reaction. I guess half the reason things went so far with them was because she wanted me to react and I just never did.¡± He sighs, tracing my eyebrow with his thumb. ¡°I never loved her the way I love you ¡­ This ¡­ Us ¡­ It¡¯s all-consuming. It terrifies me, Emma. Theck of control I have when it hits, I¡¯m scared of my own reaction. I would give up everything to just be with you. I would do anything to keep you, you have to realize that?¡± ¡°But why?¡± I finally answer, so quietly, so unsurely, tears rolling down my cheek at the wordsing from him. I¡¯ve never understood what was so special about me. He is everything any woman could want. Rich, sessful, beautiful, fun, and confident. Amazing in bed. He makes me feel like the most desirable women in the world. He takes care of me in every way and I just made him abuse me in an almost rape-like way for my own perverted release of anger. What does he see in me? A broken abused nobody, a skinny girl from a horrible past who was just his assistant. A cold ice-maiden who kept him at arm¡¯s length for so long that he finally sent me away. How could he have fallen so badly with someone so unworthy? Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Because you¡¯re you ¡­ Everything about you ¡­ Even when you¡¯re trying so hard to be cold and distant. I can see through it for the most part. I remember thinking you would be a challenge ¡­ An ice queen I could melt with my irresistible charm.¡± His mouthes down to find mine and gently grazes my lips, soft and sweet. ¡°So, the lure was because I didn¡¯t want to sleep with you?¡± I push him yfully but only half of me is joking, I¡¯ve always wanted to know why he pursued me, why he feels for me what he does. So many thoughts racing through my head, overanalyzing everything. ¡°At first, it confused me, I¡¯ve never had a woman so obviously uninterested in me. I¡¯m not going to lie. I didn¡¯t like it, but it wasn¡¯t just that, it was something which caught me off guard in the first week you worked for me.¡± his fingers begin tracing the curve of my bottom lip and trail along my jaw. ¡°What?¡± I rest my forehead against his, pulled in by the gentle words and gentle touch. Chapter 160 Chapter 160 ¡°You took your hair down ¡­ It sounds so nothing when I say it aloud, but I saw you at your desk, sitting engrossed in work. I watched you for a moment, transfixed by the difference it made. You looked soft and innocent, almost vulnerable, like losing that polished, school mistress hair had made you forget the mask for a second and I knew straight away that I was in danger of having my head fucked over by a girl who didn¡¯t seem to want to know me.¡± He kisses me again, more meaningfully this time. ¡°How could you know that when you barely knew anything about me?¡± I giggle at him and his earnestness. My racing thoughts calming away as wey here. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°Because I hade to realize that you didn¡¯t trust men. You didn¡¯t trust me. There was something about you, a fear about letting me, or any guy, close, I could sense it even though I didn¡¯t understand it ¡­ And seeing you just for that moment without the mask, a glimpse of a girl you were trying to protect ¡­ I wanted to pull her out of you and protect her for you.¡± He frowns against me, sighing deeply. ¡°I made it my mission to make you trust me, miele, to let me touch you without you flinching, without that look of fear that you had first time I everid a hand on you. I wanted it more than anything ¡­ The harder I tried to make you rx with me and saw the crazy number ofyers that there was to you, the harder I fell for you.¡± ¡°Why would you try? The truth must have been disappointing.¡± I close my eyes at the memory of first admitting to him I was damaged. The way he had looked so torn and ravaged by it. ¡°Why would you think that? Finding out why you were so guarded only made me crazy protective of you in ways that made me lose my mind. I¡¯ve never been that way with any woman. Emma. When are you going to realize that I fell in love with all of you, every bad thing that happened only contributed to who you are ¡­? I¡¯ve never known anyone like you. You¡¯re beautiful, brave, strong, smart, sexy, sometimes even funny. I love all of that, but what I love the most is this.¡± He kisses my nose softly. ¡°The scared, vulnerable, insecure you, who lets me in, who lets me protect her. The part of you who lets her sexual inhibitions go and feels safe enough to let me do anything with. You make me feel twenty feet tall. I want to squeeze the shit out of you. I love this part of you so much more because it¡¯s only for me, because you trust me. Because you love me.¡± His voice is hoarse and low and filled with emotion. In one sentence he removes my shame about the way I just let him screw me. ¡°You¡¯re effortlessly easy to love.¡± I admit quietly, blown away by everything he said. My own voice torn with emotion and my eyes glistening with unshed tears. My heart aching. ¡°I think there are a lot of people who would disagree, miele.¡± Heughs, kissing me more slowly this time, more purposefully, pushing my mouth open to explore mine with the tip of his tongue, igniting that same rush of desire inside of me. Longing to have him devour me. ¡°I¡¯ll never tire of kissing you ¡­ Of touching you. Of finding new ways to have sex with you.¡± His nose touches against mine again in the darkness, his body heat all around me and his breath gently ying on my mouth. ¡°You may tire of my jealous outbursts though, but then I did enjoy being punished, so maybe that¡¯s not so bad.¡± ¡°You? Punished by me?¡± I giggle at the ludicrously of it. ¡°That never happened, I think I had the upper hand for all of ten seconds, Carrero ¡­ Your dominant self isn¡¯t one to just let it go and relinquish any sort of control.¡± I giggle, amazed at this ability to talk about what we did as if it was normal. Maybe it is, maybe couples have angry sex all the time and I am putting too much emphasis on it being rted to my past. ¡°Well next time just fish out that bondage gear and tie me up, then I get no say.¡± He smiles, I feel it even though I can¡¯t see him anymore. ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me.¡± Iugh, his mouthing to mine again gently, my body curling up into his with longing already. Rxed and happy, pain and fury forgotten and now aching to have my normal Jake¡¯s love. ¡°As fun as it was baby ¡­ Can I just make love to you the normal way now, as much as I like our kinky games, I love just making love to you slowly and gently. I really want to just get lost in the feel of you and forget tonight ever happened. Sex with you is healing, it brings me so much more than I ever knew possible.¡± He breathes, moving over me suggestively, his handsing to brace his weight at either side of my head as he eases his body between my legs. I ache at how in tune we are and that it makes us both feel the same way. ¡°Can I ever refuse?¡± I smile as his mouthes to me, lost to him with every touch. His kiss taking over and pulling me back to a gentler, more satisfying long, slow love making sessionsting until dawn and pushing away any shame at what I made him do. Chapter 161 Chapter 161 ¡°You said you wanted to go see her, so we¡¯re going.¡± He hands me my case to pack, but I put it back down on the bed moodily. ¡°I¡¯ve changed my mind.¡± I pout, trying to avoid his gaze on me, sitting on the edge and pulling at my hair. I¡¯m emotional again and I¡¯ve no idea why. This was decided by me and yet now he¡¯s making good on my decision, I¡¯ve changed my mind. ¡°Look, Emma ¡­ I know things with her are messy, but I don¡¯t want you waking up one day and regretting this. Go, talk ¡­ Just do it.¡± He picks up my case and flips it open, pulling my fingers out of my hair as he passes, wandering to the wardrobe he starts pulling out some of my casual clothes and throwing them toward it. What is this obsession he has with packing for me? ¡°Why do you care if I see her or not?¡± I snap, irritated by his pushiness. We¡¯ve had a week ofzing around and lots of bedtime y. Suddenly, he wants to vacate the apartment and take me to Chicago. ¡°Because I love you ¡­ And I want what¡¯s best for you. I happen to think this is going to help. You need to talk to her.¡± He walks over with a pile of clothes and dumps them onto myp so I¡¯ve no choice but to take them. He leans down tugging on my chin to pull my lip free of my teeth and reces it with a chaste kiss and a ruffle of my hair as though I¡¯m a child. ¡°You¡¯re a bossy ass.¡± I pout, ring at him as he grins. He stops, looks down at me in a very manly manner, his shoulders rxed and his hands slipping to his back pockets. ¡°Baby ¡­ You haven¡¯t seen the full extent of my bossy assholeness ¡­ I don¡¯t think you should tempt fate.¡± Our eyes meet and lock ¡­ Simmering, stubborn, fire on fire. ¡°Fine.¡± I finally break, not in the mood for a head to head when I¡¯m feeling so fragile. ¡°But I¡¯m not staying in that house.¡± I nce away from him. ¡°I¡¯ve already booked us into a hotel nearby, miele. Close enough to walk if that¡¯s what you want to do. Look we don¡¯t need to stay for the whole weekend, just go and see her once.¡± He bends to kiss me, his green eyes distracting, and I surrender, letting his mouth capture me and push me back onto the bed slowly. He slides up over me, his heavy torso pinning me to the bed. ¡°Just don¡¯t fight with me over this, can we just get ready and go and argue on the ne?¡± He kisses me again, slowly, and teasingly before getting back up, satisfied that he¡¯s quieted me for now. ¡°You need to stop using your sexpertize to get your own way!¡± I pout up at him from the bed, my body still tingling from his touch. ¡°With you it¡¯s the only weapon I have ¡­ You¡¯re infuriatingly stubborn and strong-minded, baby. I¡¯ve never known a woman like you.¡± He grins down at me before padding off, barefooted, across the plush carpet of our room to drag his case out of the closet and start filling it with clothes. ¡°Well, you better hope I don¡¯t get as good as you.¡± I smile wickedly ¡°Else you will have zero chance of bending my will.¡± I lift my chin with a defiant smile, watching as he straightens from the lower half and turns. ¡°Baby, your sexpertize is already beyond my capabilities ¡­ You¡¯ve no idea how crazy you make me.¡± He winks and leans down to scoop shoes from the bottom shelves, his sexy ass tight and alluring as he bends over in tight blue jeans. My inner body react and press my knees together. Okay, my horny levels thest few days had certainly peaked, even for us I have been insatiable. What¡¯s up with that? I watch him for a moment, biting my lower lip and squirming on the bed. The downside to a super-hot boyfriend I guess is the inability to think about anything other than sex. Even when you are mid- conversation and mid-argument about a trip home. ¡°Jake?¡± I purr seductively, my eyes almost attached to his ass now. He stands up and nces over, his face breaking into a wide smile, his eyes instantly changing to dark. ¡°I guess the ne could wait an extra half hour.¡± He strides over to me. ¡°The upside to owning it I guess.¡± Sliding onto the bed he catches my mouth with him in a sweeping effortless motion, his hand coming up under my dress to find me already willing. * * * Chicago is cold when we get out of the car, I scan around the familiar street and close my eyes, taking a steadying breath. Jake¡¯s handes up over my shoulder giving me the extra strength I need. ¡°You okay, bambino? he asks bringing his face to my ear and kissing me lightly. ¡°Yes.¡± I smile up at him, inner peace washing over me at his touch, and I lead the way to my mother¡¯s apartment. The street is dull and gray, matching my mood as we pick our way up the internal stairway of her building. It stinks of urine and the corners of the concrete stairs are littered with condom wrappers, dried leaves, papers, and broken needles. I pick my steps carefully, angry that this ce seems to fall into more disrepair the longer it stands. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. Jake¡¯s handes up to my ass behind me, holding me from behind to guide me, I smile at his choice of grabbing ce already knowing, without looking back, that he¡¯s grinning. It lightens my mood and as we finally round the corner into the hall leading to my mother¡¯s door, I take a deep heavy breath. His handes up my back resting on my shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s going to be fine ¡­ I¡¯m right here,¡± he whispers before leaning past me and knocking on my mother¡¯s door confidently. We barely have to wait as she yanks the door open, the waft of baked cakes and perfume hits us in the face with an almost rming force. She¡¯s certainly gone all out! She¡¯s obviously tried a little too hard for this visit. Her long gypsy style dress, in rainbow colors, is on over silver sandals and, for once, her hair is down, gleaming in all its tawnyness and brushed into long, loose, shining waves. I can see why men flock to my mother, she¡¯s still beautiful, with her delicate face and calm, blue eyes. She smiles, leading us in with a flow of idle chatter. ¡°Seeing her minus bruises, I can see the resemnce,¡± Jake whispers in my ear. I frown up at him, I¡¯ve never seen the resemnce with my mother apart from the color of my hair. Maybe the same pouted lips and eye color but my mother is beautiful, whereas, I¡¯m just average. ¡°My mother got the looks, but I inherited all the brains,¡± I whisper back as my mother swans off to fill the coffee pot while still gushing and chattering animatedly about our arrival. ¡°Bambino ¡­ You got the beauty too ¡­ More than your mother did.¡± He leans down quickly, kissing me on the mouth and moving off to ept the serving dishes she¡¯s holding out to us. I can¡¯t help but smile at his back, a warm feeling washing over me because I know he isn¡¯t one to make emptypliments. Jake really does think I¡¯m beautiful. ¡°Take them to the table.¡± She grins, nodding to the lounge as he carries the cooked chicken and sd bowls over to the dte set in the small room. It¡¯s already set up with other dishes and tes. Coming out of the tiny kitchen she walks up to me and lightly kisses me on the cheek. I stiffen automatically because we don¡¯t do this kind of touchy-feely stuff, ever! Feeling awkward I reach out and pat her on the shoulder before making a swift exit toward Jake and sliding into the nearest chair, draping my jacket on it behind me. ¡°My beautiful daughter is home.¡± She gushes toward me before choosing the seat facing me and sitting down, Jake sits beside me after sliding out of his leather jacket and slides it onto the back of his chair. He seems to upy this space a little too much; it¡¯s always been a small table in a small room, and he seems massive in it. We bang elbows as we both reach for a te in the center of the table andugh. ¡°Ouch,¡± I say rubbing my arm, he pulls it up automatically and kisses me where we connected, before handing me a te. ¡°Sorry, bambino.¡± He winks at me and I catch my mother watching us closely with a strangely serious look on her face. She looks away when our eyes connect and continues dishing out food for us. Chapter 162 Chapter 162 Strange. ¡°I¡¯m really d you¡¯re here ¡­ Both of you.¡± She smiles without looking up. I hand Jake the bowl of sd after dishing my own and watch her, I feel like there is so much to say yet I don¡¯t have the words at all. Where would I start? Twenty-six years of pent-up emotions and usations, yet here we are, acting like meing home for a weekend with my boyfriend is normal. Not that she¡¯s even asked if that is what he is now. Maybe that¡¯s what that look was all about, maybe it¡¯s obvious. Jake digs into his food, his normally chatty self, quiet, he¡¯s leaving me to take the next step and for once I would rather ultra-sociable Carrero would just step in. He¡¯s a master at idle chit-chat and dominating a conversation, normally. ¡°I¡¯m not sure how long we¡¯ll be staying,¡± I mutter indirectly to break the silence. Maybe it¡¯s best to say it now and not let her think the whole weekend would be ¡°catching up¡±. I take a forkful of my chicken and dressing and watch the frown develop on her face. I try to ignore it. ¡°Well, even being here for a quick visit is enough for me ¡­ I do miss you, Emma.¡± She finally looks at me and smiles warmly. I grimace back but I know it doesn¡¯t reach my eyes, we¡¯re doing what we always do. ying nice and polite and pretending there¡¯s no issue in front of other people. Being back here, in this apartment, this town, and already I can feel myself closing. Old Emma mannerisms pushing in. The walling up between us. That controlled mask of indifference that Jake spent months peeling away. I don¡¯t want to go back to her, to who she was. To that empty cold and feelingless shell of myself, the person who let no one in and never experienced real emotion. That girl is gone. I was stupid to think I coulde here and do the whole heart to heart thing with her. Being faced with her acting as though life is so fricking normal just reminds me that she will never see my side of it. She will never take any me in how I turned out and why would she? Here I am with my billionaire boyfriend doting over me, dressed in expensive clothes and living the high life in New York. To her, she¡¯s a sess as a mother. I¡¯m jolted out of my head by Jake¡¯s warm hand on my back and I nce at him, he¡¯s studying my expression and frowning lightly. I realize I¡¯ve been silently staring at my empty fork, probably with a nk expression as I mulled things over. My mother is chatting about nothing of importance, unaware that neither of us are listening. Jake strokes my back gently, rxing his hand when I continue eating and returns to his own food, a silent little message between us that he knows I¡¯m not okay being here. He smiles softly at me and a small look in his eye tells me he loves me. I inhale slowly and pull it all back down to the calmness he gives me. That peaceful ce I spend most of my time now. ¡°So, Mom, how¡¯s things at the homeless shelter nowadays?¡± I interject to try to connect with her, try to make things less awkward for Jake. Calling her mom? Since when? ¡°Good, really good. I managed to get some funding help and with the volunteers and the grant from the city, I have the ce ticking over really well. We managed to convince some of the food stores in Chicago to donate the food with sell by dates instead of sending them to the trash.¡± She grins, obviously proud of herself. She turns her smile on Jake impressively. ¡°And the donation from the Carrero Corporation went toward fixing up the building and redecorating the shared sleeping rooms, thank you so much for that, Jake.¡± He smiles back but I just blink. What? When the hell did Jake donate anything to my mother¡¯s charity? I nce at him, questioning with my eyes and he just shrugs. I¡¯m irritated by this little new piece of information, something else he swooped in and solved with a cheque book, something else he didn¡¯t tell me about. I re down at my te and push my food around, I¡¯ve no idea why I feel so tetchytely. My emotions up and down for thest few days. Of course, I¡¯ve no right to be mad about this, it¡¯s nothing. Jake¡¯s company donates to causes every year as part of a tax relief move, of course he would donate to her. She¡¯s my mother and he loves me. He probably didn¡¯t even write the cheque, just forwarded her details to finance to be added to our list of preferred causes. I know because it used to be my job to do it. I sigh heavily and try to force more food into my mouth although I have zero appetite. Being here is just making me irrational. ¡°I¡¯m d it helped.¡± He smiles, his eyes on me, but I ignore him. Finally, fed up with the way I¡¯m feeling, I get up. ¡°I¡¯ll make the coffee,¡± I state and walk off toward the kitchen without looking at either of them, I keep my back turned as Iy out cups and get them ready. I can hear my mother carrying on the conversation about the home, but Jake sounds only half interested, his replies polite yet he¡¯s not really conversing. I nce back and catch him looking at me every few seconds. He¡¯s trying to read me, trying to gauge what¡¯s going on in my head. I look away and close my eyes. This fucked-up part of me that he doesn¡¯t see as much in New York, she rules down here in Chicago. Her moods all over the ce, her temper short, and the suffocating air of this wretched apartment makes her agitated. I carry the cups over andy them down in front of them, returning for my own before I finally sit back down. I push my uneaten food away, curbing the urge to start tapping my nails on the table. There¡¯s a growing energy of restlessness inside of me, that familiar pang to run very far away from here. ¡°So, Sophie seems happy, doesn¡¯t she?¡± my mother points this question at Jake, and I bristle at the mention of her name. My protectiveness of her standing to attention, my mother needs to stay out of her life. ¡°She does yeah, she really is blossoming with the Huntsbergers.¡± There¡¯s obvious affection in his voice and just like me, he¡¯s been keeping tabs on her and calls her once a week to check in. ¡°Such a lovely girl, such a sad past ¡­ She deserved better.¡± My mother sighs innocently. and I choke on my coffee, a snort of disbelief setting it off and begin coughing badly as Jake pats my back and tries to console me with circr rubs. Finally, I clear my lungs and, gasping for air, I stare up at her in complete disbelief. ¡°You think Sophie deserved better?¡± I ask, my voice holding the slight hint of disdain. ¡°Of course, I do.¡± She blinks back at me with wide innocent eyes as though she has no idea. ¡°Such a horrid life for a young girl ¡­ Being sexually abused by her father is just awful.¡± She shakes her head and swallows down with a face of disgust as though she can¡¯tprehend it at all. ¡°So, because it was her father, it¡¯s wrong ¡­ What if he¡¯d just been her mom¡¯s boyfriend?¡± I ask, sarcasm oozing. An inner argumentative teen Emma aching to be let loose. Since our angry sex a week ago she had been showing herself in small ways, subtle tells that Jake doesn¡¯t seem to mind at all. My inner voice jumps to attention, telling me to let it go but my piqued anger ignores it. Jake shifts in the chair next to me awkwardly, his hand stilling on his coffee mug as he waits for a response, he¡¯s letting me act out because he thinks I need this. I can¡¯t look at him. ¡°Darling, what a silly question ¡­ Any man touching Sophie that way is wrong.¡± She smiles toward Jake as if trying to excuse my weirdness but my rage kicks in stupendously. This is just typical of her in every way.N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°It¡¯s just not wrong when it¡¯s me though ¡­ Right?¡± I snap. Gritting my teeth and lifting my re toward her with full fiery fury. She blinks,ys her mug down very carefully and locks on me steadily. This is how she used to deal with me as a teen, this cool and calm control she has over me. ¡°I don¡¯t know what hase over you, Emma, but I really don¡¯t think this is a conversation we should be having in front of Jake.¡± She grits her teeth, her blue eyes icing over. If I ever wondered where I got the ability to bring up that icy wall and shut Jake down with a look, I see it reflected at me. ¡°Scared Jake will find out something less than favorable, Mother?¡± Iugh at her, sounding a tad manic and notice he¡¯s still not moved his cup. ¡°He already knows ¡­ I told him everything.¡± I smirk, shoving myself away from the table and walk off toward the counter to put space between us. That inner anger growing, and I don¡¯t want tosh out in front of Jake. He¡¯s never seen psychotic Emma inplete crazed mode beyond that night of sex. I don¡¯t think I ever want him to see that part of me. He would leave. ¡°There is nothing to tell, Emma ¡­ The exaggerated versions of a child¡¯s memory, nothing more.¡± She dismisses me so easily that it physically wounds me, a pain shing across my chest so it knocks my breath away. Chapter 163 Chapter 163 ¡°What the fuck?¡± I spin, yelling at her. ¡°Is that how you justify it to yourself? That I just imagined it?¡± My pain can¡¯t conceal itself. ¡°Or was it that I asked for it, Mother? Like I seduced Ray?¡± I swipe the counter in my rage, sending crockery flying and smashing to the floor. Jake¡¯s on his feet instantly andes to me in two strides, pulling me to him as tears fill my eyes and he tries to reign me in a little. I push him away and turn on her again. Putting myself in front of him so I can face her. ¡°Why do you always do this?¡± I yell but she continues to sit with her eyes faced forward on the wall across from her, her expression nk as though her child is just having a tantrum. ¡°You always make me feel this way! You always act this way whenever I try to broach this subject.¡± It¡¯s all ripping loose from inside of me, teen Emma not caring if Jake sees her in all her ugly fury. Jake tries to haul me to him, to embrace me but I fight him off. I need to get this out. I need more of a reaction than this same bullshit, every time I find the courage to face her. ¡°This is why I left ¡­ Why I ran ¡­ This is why I don¡¯te back.¡± I cry in desperation, Jake stands behind me his hands on my upper arms, trying to support me, he stays silent but just feeling him close helps me find courage. ¡°You can never admit what you let happen to me, can you? You can never acknowledge that I¡¯m a fucking mess because of you ¡­ You¡¯ve no idea the shit that goes on inside of my head every second of everyday, because of you!¡± I yell at her, the pain in my voice raw as the tears pour down my skin pathetically. I¡¯ve never felt so close to hysteria in my life. She stays sitting and doesn¡¯t move one single inch. Her focus intent on the wall. Jake¡¯s grip has be reassuringly tight, his strength keeping me up. I¡¯m the unraveling mess of a child who can never understand why her mother just didn¡¯t love her enough. ¡°Look at me!¡± I demand, but she doesn¡¯t. She just picks up her mug and takes a long, slow drink until I almost break, the crumbling of resolve as tears begin to pour. ¡°What did I do to ever deserve any of that? ¡­ Any of this? I was your only child, Mom ¡­ I was your baby. Why didn¡¯t you protect me?¡± My voice is oozing absolute heartbreak. Jake¡¯s armse around me and this time I don¡¯t fight him. He pulls me under his chin, turning me into his chest and holds me close, his heart beating a little more rapidly than normal. I dissolve. So much heart-wrenching pain and tears pouring out of me. Jake saw who I really was and yet he¡¯s not letting me go, he¡¯s holding me closer than before. ¡°Jocelyn, for the love of god ¡­ If you don¡¯t acknowledge her and what she¡¯s saying to you, I think I¡¯ll be the one to fucking lose my shit in here.¡± His deep gravelly voice holds so much anger, yet it¡¯s steady and strong. It snaps me out of my misery, and I turn my head to look at her. This makes her snap her attention to us, so good at always blocking me out yet add a dominant male with an edge to his tone and she¡¯s all ears. You¡¯re pathetic. ¡°You believe the things she says about me?¡± she whimpers like a child, switching on doe eyes and blinking at him expertly. I have seen this face a million times. Her victim act and she is damned good at it. It wounds me to the core. ¡°Emma has never lied to me and I know she never will ¡­ I met Ray Vanquis ¡­ I beat the shit out of him, and I would do it to every guy you ever let touch her.¡± The malice in his voice wipes away her expression instantly. Gulping back unsurely, she slowly stands. ¡°I think you should both leave ¡­ I¡¯ve nothing else to say.¡± Her expression may look unaffected but her voice wobbles, her hands tremble as she crosses them across her waist in such a PA Emma way. ¡°Emma deserves so much more of a mother than you,¡± he growls, his temper let loose, the vibration of rage rippling through his body. ¡°Your daughter is scarred to hell because of the shit you let her endure, everything she became was a coping mechanism to nk it all out. You¡¯ve no idea how far she¡¯se, what she¡¯s gone through. Yet you stand here like she means nothing. That her pain means nothing. You make me fucking sick ¡­ As a mother ¡­ As a human being.¡± Jake wraps me in his arms more forcefully, trying to blot out the pain for me. ¡°I made here ¡­ This was a mistake. I see that now and it won¡¯t be one I¡¯ll be making again.¡± He snaps and finally pulls me with him toward the table. Lifting our coats but keeping one arm around me, he finally turns to her. My champion, with every word he¡¯s pulling me back from desperation. ¡°There is so much that she had to say to you, but I see now why she never could ¡­ I finally see why Emma spent her life so closed in and keeping people at arm¡¯s length, even me. You taught her that she wasn¡¯t worth anything, she wasn¡¯t worthy of love, only being abused. You taught her that letting people get close at all only left her open to be hurt. That men would only hurt her and no one but her was going to protect her. When I marry her, I don¡¯t want you there, you will just jade it.¡± He snarls and turns, pulling me with him toward the door without a backward nce. I have never heard or seen Jake this way, especially not with a woman, the fairer sex. His body bristling with anger, he guides me out of the apartment and into the hall. My tears still falling silently. I¡¯ve lost all ability to do anything except be pulled around by him like a child. I watch him as he tugs my coat around me, his eyes shing and sizzling, he bites his lip to curb his temper, his jaw tense and stiff with so much aggression brimming in his muscles. He sighs dramatically before leading me out into the Chicago air and back to the car he¡¯s hired. ¡°We¡¯re going home,¡± he says as he pulls the door open for me, deposits me inside and clips my seat belt as though I am a child. He leans down nting a soft kiss on my tear damp lips, wiping my face with the back of his fingers before closing me in, walking around, pulling on his jacket, and slides into his seat and ms the door. Starting the car, he ms his hand on the wheel, making me jump, jaw tensed, fingers bunching into fists, he finally rxes and turns to me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, baby ¡­ I didn¡¯t know it would turn out this way ¡­ I finally get it. Completely ¡­ The parts I could never understand. You learned all that closed in bullshit from her, you know. The icy demeanor and inability to just talk. I know you probably don¡¯t want to hear it; you probably don¡¯t even see it.¡± He sighs and leans toward me, his hand capturing my face and pulls me to him. ¡°I¡¯ll never make youe here again ¡­ I¡¯ll never question anything about your rtionship with her. As far as I¡¯m concerned, she¡¯s the fucking problem, the reason you couldn¡¯t trust anyone. The reason you can¡¯t ever talk about the past.¡± He kisses me a little more firmly, it¡¯s as though he is trying to push his own anger out as well as mine. I rx into his touch, lost in the way he opens my lips and feels his way inside of me, leaving me breathless when we part. ¡°It isn¡¯t just what those men did, Emma ¡­ She¡¯s a huge part of the problem. What she did was far worse and probably had the biggest effect on you, but you don¡¯t even realize it.¡± He pushes his forehead to mine and finally lets me go. ¡°Just get me away from here, Jake,¡± I whisper finally, unable to say anything else about what just happened or to even acknowledge anything he is saying. That part of me that¡¯s so emotionally damaged taking icy control. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it baby ¡­ We¡¯re as good as on a ne home, we just need to pick up our bags from the hotel and we can get the hell out of this ce.¡± He thrusts the car into gear and maneuvers out of the parking spot, getting us back to the hotel in mere minutes. He stops before getting out to call his pilot and tells them to ready his ne for a trip back to New York. In our room, he pulls me with him to the bed and hauls me down on top of him, wrapping himself around me like a second skin and just breathes in my hair without saying a word. I nuzzle close, listening to the steady beat of his heart, my tears dried, my demeanor calm but the ache inside me engulfing my body in pain. His body emanating sheer anger. He stays that way with me for long minutes before finally rolling us onto our side and bringing his face to mine. ¡°I love you more than anything in the world, Emma ¡­ I love you so much that there isn¡¯t anything I wouldn¡¯t do to protect you. I need you in ways that I never knew were possible, in ways I didn¡¯t think I could ever need anyone. You¡¯re my world.¡± He pushes his face to mine, raw with emotion. ¡°She isn¡¯t someone you should ever measure your worth up against. You should only think about me; how much I love you and need you and measure your worth against that. There is no one else in the world who compares to you, neonata. You got a shitty deal when it came to parents and yet you turned out like this, you¡¯re perfect. You¡¯re amazing.¡± He kisses me hard, pouring as much feeling as he can into this single thing, pushing the meaning into me. Trying to convince me of my own worth as a person. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°Jake,¡± I whisper breathlessly when he finally releases me. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea how much I need you.¡± Tears roll down my cheeks as he pulls me back into his arms, crushing me against him in an effort to take it all away for me. Chapter 164 Chapter 164 He helps me pack my things back into my bag silently. We hadin in silence, just entwined, until the pilot called to inform us the jet would be ready for take-off by the time we got to the airfield. He watches me steadily but leaves me alone with my thoughts, he knows I won¡¯t talk about this anymore. The wall is up on the matter and I¡¯m already filing it into the back of my head with all the other crap I never want to face. I won¡¯t bring it up again, much like I never bring Marissa up. He knows me well enough to leave it alone, now that he seems to finally understand how I tick inside. I feel like aplete failure. I¡¯m numb from over thinking, pushing it all back into the recess of my mind, back into that little ck box with the rest of my heartache and terrors. Back with the child who used to cry herself to sleep in fear of her bedroom door creaking open in the darkness. * * * As we settle into the ne, Jake looks me over thoughtfully and slides my hand into his. I¡¯ve been quiet ever since we packed and left alone to my internal dialogue. ¡°Instead of going home I want to take you somece ¡­ After this, I think you need it.¡± He leans down, brushing his lips across mine, followed by his fingertips. ¡°I just want to go back to New York, Jake.¡± I sigh and close my eyes, willing this to be over and for us to be high above Chicago already. I need the miles between me and this wretched memory. ¡°It¡¯s in New York ¡­ My parents¡¯ house in the Hamptons. I want to take you home for the rest of the weekend, miele. To the ce I grew up.¡± He straps his seat belt on. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I look away out of the window, utterly deted and exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep now. I want to wake up back home and act like none of this ever happened. ¡°Trust me, a change of scenery will do you good ¡­ My mother wants to meet you as my girl, finally, not just as my PA. She¡¯s been driving me mad with calls about bringing you home. The trip will make you feel a hundred times better, bambino.¡± He shes his charming smile at me, and I melt. Bending me to his will again with a smoldering look and a sh of pearly whites. I shake my head at him, a hint of a smile ying on my lips and see the relief wash over his face. ¡°I already had the pilot plot the flight n to the Hamptons.¡± He admits sheepishly, I bat at him with my hand, but he only catches it and kisses my fingertips. ¡°You¡¯re the most overbearing man I¡¯ve ever known.¡± I smile quietly at him. ¡°Who else would have the steel to break down the Emma walls?¡± He grins. ¡°Or the determination?¡± Pulling my hand to hisp and wrapping both of his around it, he sits back, sliding down to getfy. That strong, handsome profile looking mighty pleased with himself. ¡°I¡¯m d you did,¡± I whisper at him affectionately, my heart heals a little as he gives me his best ¡°You¡¯re wee¡± smile and a look that sends me into a frenzy of longing. * * * ¡°Ahh, il mio bel ragazzo ¨¨ a casa e lui mi porta sua be ragazza troppo.¡± Sylvana Carrero gushes at our arrival and sweeps Jake into a motherly hug. This isn¡¯t the first time I¡¯ve met the tall, lithe, beauty of a woman, but it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve met her in a non-professional capacity and at her own gorgeous home. ¡°Si guarda bee sempre, Madre.¡± Jake responds before kissing her on the cheek and moving out of the way for her to wrap herself around me enthusiastically. I¡¯m little overwhelmed but hug her anyway. Jake has been getting me used to being manhandled so much ofte that this kind of affection is wee when it is from women. ¡°Emma, my darling girl, you look so very different ¡­ Belissimo.¡± Sylvana has a strong Italian taint to her ent and is the reason Jake litters his English with Italian affections. Standing tall with dark hair and Jake¡¯s green eyes, she looks like a woman in her early thirties and not the mother of my twenty-eight- year-old Adonis, more like a sister. ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Carrero, it¡¯s a new dress.¡± I look down at the short, floaty, floral print dress I changed into at the airfield, a present from Jake via Donna. ¡°Please, call me Sylvana, or even Mamma, and I mean everything ¡­ You look so soft and rosy cheeked and glowy, your hair is lovely this length too, really makes you appear ridiculously cute and young.¡± She grins, kissing both of my cheeks dramatically and I blush at the attention. ¡°She is young and cute, Mamma.¡± Jake cuts in and pulls me around to nestle in his arm, pulling my cheeks together so I pucker my mouth at him. ¡°Crazily cute, so much so I sometimes just want to squeeze the life out of her.¡± His mother beams at us with unconcealed joy. I attempt to bat his hand off my face and am instead rewarded with a kiss on the nose before he lets me go. ¡°So, in love, chi l¡¯avrebbe mai detto?¡± She pinches his cheek before heading to the kitchen with us in tow across the grand marble hall, past a huge sweeping staircase. The house just screams money. She chatters on to Jake about the others she hasing to stay this weekend, it seems Arrick and his newest love interest are toe. Jake¡¯s cousin and his wife and a couple more of the extended family that I¡¯ve never met. I listen, fascinated by the rapport between them and the crazy simrities in how they look and move. ¡°Mamma, I brought Emma for a quiet weekend, not a family gathering ¡­ I do want her to still be here by the time I¡¯m ready to go.¡± He jokes and receives a pout from that beautiful mother of his. Mock sadness on her unlined, timeless face. She¡¯s breathtaking. ¡°Jacob, you know how much the family has been dying to meet the girl who finally reigned in the Stallone Italiano and tamed him.¡± Sheughs, patting him on the cheek in a very motherly way. ¡°Promise me there are no parties, Mamma?¡± He groans as she winks yfully at him. ¡°I swear you¡¯re killing my rtionship before I even get a ring on her finger.¡± He scolds as I giggle at them and she spins suddenly. ¡°So, there will be a ring on the finger will there?¡± She hones in like a blood hound, her eyes shing merrily as she searches our faces. A little too energetically and my stomach lurch with that familiar doubt. ¡°Eventually.¡± He smiles, pulling me in to kiss me quickly. ¡°When I ask her.¡± He looks at me warily and I bite my lip and hold my breath. We have barely covered this subject and it is way too soon to even contemte. ¡°And when will that be?¡± she pushes, and I can already see her calcting which part of the grounds would make a good wedding alter. My heart rate quickens in panic. ¡°When we feel like it.¡± He smirks and pulls me forward, past her to the fridge. ¡°What¡¯s for eating, Madre, we¡¯re starved.¡± He lets go of me and pulls open the huge built-in double cooler and looks through the covered tes. Master of misdirection, batting away anymore wedding talk and I sigh with relief. I haven¡¯t even begun to analyze that yet. ¡°I¡¯ve been cooking all morning, go sit and I¡¯ll bring you some pomodoro cremosa e gnhi di spinaci, it¡¯s delizioso.¡± She smiles, I know Jake¡¯s mother loves to cook, he¡¯s told me many times it¡¯s her way to rx on a weekend, and I follow him eagerly to the next room to sit down at therge oval table. Despite myck of appetite in Chicago, I¡¯m ravenous now. * * *Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. The food is amazing, creamy tomato and spinach, light fluffy gnhi, as delectable as his mother¡¯s company. The three of us sit and fill our stomachs with the beautifully made dish and lots of crispy bread. She¡¯s easy to rx around, with Jake¡¯s same chilled personality and easy joking manner. The same social ability to chat and carry on conversation. The two of them are so alike it¡¯s almost rming. I feel better being here, Jake¡¯s right. His mother is like a soothing balm with her endless cheeky jibes and loving nature. She exudes the sameid-back confidence that Jake oozes and it¡¯s obvious they are very close. Soon the conversation turns to Sophie and his mother¡¯s work with abused children and I start to feel ufortable. Jake admitted to me that in our separation period he¡¯d spoken to his mother about me, about us, and some of what he¡¯d known about my past to gain a little insight to why I was the way I was. She doesn¡¯t seem the type to pry but when the conversation pushes along this line, I¡¯m ready to close down and nk them both out. Jake seems to sense my change and instead looks to me, grabs my hand, and pulls it to him quickly. ¡°Mamma, I¡¯m going to take Emma around the grounds and show her this ce, maybe take her on a tour of the house, too.¡± His eyes meet mine, holding so much gentleness, it makes me smile and rx again. ¡°Feel free, I¡¯m going to clean myself up for the others arriving this afternoon miele. Go wander and let your mamma put her face on.¡± She smiles at us both warmly before sliding up and with a kiss on each of our cheeks, leaves us to it. Not that she needs make-up, she is as stunning as her wless son. Good genes. ¡°Want toe see my old bedroom?¡± Jake winks and I shake my head. ¡°How did I know that within seconds of being left alone you would be thinking about getting me near a bed?¡± I giggle at him. ¡°Bambino, I¡¯m always thinking about getting you in a bed, no matter what I¡¯m doing.¡± He grins wickedly. ¡°Unless you want to go see my mother¡¯s greenhouse, it¡¯s hot and full of roses and pretty private.¡± the tingles run through me almost onmand, that actually sounds fun. I bite my lip in response, the thrill as his eyes move to focus on my mouth, his eyes darkening instantly. You are so easy, Emma! * * * Chapter 165 Chapter 165 The greenhouse is massive, more like a ss pce, full to bursting with flowers and bushes everywhere we turn, the scents strong and heady and blocking out most of the lower windows. It¡¯s so hot it¡¯s like a tropical jungle and Jake pulls me against him from behind, so my ass nestles his crotch, showing me how turned on he already is, and I giggle. ¡°You haven¡¯t even touched me yet.¡± Iugh as his hand skirts up my dress, cupping my breast. ¡°I don¡¯t need too, just looking is enough.¡± He catches my hair from behind with his free hand, tugging it back to reveal my neck to him so he can move in and devour me. I instantly lose all willpower, my body sagging back into him, his teeth toying with my jaw line and throat seductively. His hand on my breast, moves down my dress pulling it up and disappears under to find myce panties. ¡°Baby, you¡¯re already so wet.¡± He groans into my ear in unison with me as his fingers find their way inside of me. It¡¯s not hard to be turned on all the time when your lover is Jake Carrero. ¡°Jake, if you do that here my legs will give out.¡± I breath heavily, aware that my limbs are already trembling with what he¡¯s doing. He walks us forward into a tiny open room that seems to house nothing but a chaise lounge, a small table covered in gardening books, and empty pots and vases stacked on a set of metal shelves against one frosted ss paneled wall. Jake lets go of me and shrugs out of his coat, pulling my cardigan off and dumping both on the chair in front of us. His fingers skim behind me and I nce back to see him unbuttoning his shirt fully. I clench internally, that heavy ache of longing, throbbing already in anticipation as I watch him expose the smooth expanse of chiseled perfection only interrupted by the ck ink of tribal tattoos curling across one of his pecks. I move to turn and help but he catches me, turning me back away, unzipping the back of my dress and sliding it down so I¡¯m standing in the expensive lingerie he had delivered for me only hours before our flight to Chicago. His handse up my sides softly, tracing up under arms, sending goosebumps everywhere, my skin tingling with the contact. ¡°I want to screw you over that chair, bambino.¡± His husky voice bites into my ear as his stubble tingles over my cheek. Obediently, I lean forward to ce my hands on the higher edge of the seat so I¡¯m bending, his handing up from my thigh and over my ass before he pulls my thong down over it, sliding it down to my ankles where I step free. * * * ¡°Shit!¡± He murmurs, bringing a hand to my mouth as I cry out in first waves of orgasm mid-thrust, covering it fully, leaning down close to me so he can pull my covered face into his neck. He softens the thrust making the waves calm rather than build and I writhe in frustration to make him go harder. ¡°Shhhhhh, baby. Someone¡¯sing in.¡± He whispers, keeping his hand over my mouth, he keeps pushing into me slower, trying to keep me quiet but it¡¯s toote, the continued movement has me unraveling below him unable to be quiet. His arms tighten around me as I convulse, and my body gives out, flopping forward onto the chaise longue. He leans down, kissing me on my back for a second, before finally releasing my mouth, lifting his head off my back as he strains to listen. He keeps me still, holding me against the couch which is now under my abdomen and serving as a resting ce for my slumped body, my arms curled beside me on the arm. Voicese dangerously close and we both tense, but they move away again, and he rxes. Pulling away and sliding me upright in one easy movement, he turns me and sinks a passionate kiss on me. His tongue exploring my mouth before breaking away. ¡°That was close, too close to finish here.¡± He grins and pulls his jeans up, concealing himself. ¡°That was my father and my uncle Dimitri.¡± He kisses me on the cheek before leaning down and grabbing my underwear for me, handing them to me he scoops up the dress and holds it out so I can step inside of it. He zips me up with another kiss on the back of my shoulder and runs his hands through my loose hair. ¡°I¡¯m going to screw you in every part of this house before we leave.¡± He threatens huskily and my body tingles in anticipation, his hands skimming my butt through the thin fabric of my dress, making me aware that I¡¯m still holding my panties between us. He takes them and shoves them inside his jacket with a wink. ¡°We¡¯re not done yet, I¡¯m way too horny to let it go.¡± He kisses me on the back of my head, catching my hand as he lifts our coat and cardigan and pulls me with him toward the side door of the green house toward a building across argewn. Pulling me closer he throws his arm casually around my shoulder and brings his mouth to my ear. ¡°Would you rather be fucked on a Ferrari or a Lamborghini?¡± His voice is heavy and gruff, I know he¡¯s not kidding as we make our way into a low building which turns out to be a dark garage. He presses codes into a panel on the wall and opens a door which he locks behind us. Inside is a row of shiny expensive cars in various bright colors. His eyes scan them all and he drags me to a low yellow car with a sloping hood that just screams wealth. ¡°Jake?¡± I giggle as he turns me, he¡¯s really going to attempt to push me on the hood. ¡°What? You don¡¯t want to bang on top of my dad¡¯s car? I really do ¡­ Can¡¯t think of a better way to piss him off without him even knowing, payback for interrupting us. Besides, baby, I told you we would finish making out on the bo of a car someday.¡± He grins wickedly, and I know refusal is pointless, he lifts me up under the thighs and props me on top of the shiny bo, sliding my dress up before he is back inside me in seconds, only fully dressed this time. * * * The sex on the car is hard and fast but also fun, the awkwardness of the angle and the slide of the slope has us giggling as much as groaning and finally turning me over to lean on it serves better in getting us both to cum. He pulls me up into an embrace afterwards and holds me tenderly. This is the Jake I love the most, this fun and impulsive and thoroughly naughty version of him. The one who makes me pant and selfbust and can still make meugh while doing it. ¡°My little freak.¡± He grins and kisses me soundly, smacking my ass as he pushes me in front of him to lead the way back into the outside world, panties fully intact and on under my dress. ¡°You¡¯re a bad influence on me.¡± I smirk, stretching outzily as we walk, his handing to entangle with mine. ¡°That¡¯s so not true ¡­ If anyone had any influence on the other, then it¡¯s you, baby.¡± He smiles at me and pulls me close again as we walk, lifting my hand to my shoulder so he can have his arm around me and keep his fingers entwined with mine. ¡°I didn¡¯t turn you into a kinky sex addict.¡± I giggle. ¡°You were already one and you just made me join you.¡± I look up at him pointedly, grinning at his smirk, he knows he can¡¯t deny it. ¡°You just turned me into a one-woman man, by keeping up with me, and making me far hornier than I could ever imagine.¡± His hand moves from mine and he slides his arm down my back to pinch my butt. I jump as we walk and give him a jab in the ribs. His hand sliding back up to my shoulders. ¡°You don¡¯t like being a one-woman man?¡± I throw on a mocked painful expression, my eyes wide with feigned heartbreak. His mouthes to capture mine surely. ¡°You know I love being an Emma only man.¡± He catches my lip with his mouth, gently sucking. I¡¯m shocked at how quickly my body starts aching already, this insatiable need in me. I groan loudly and catch him looking at me in disbelief. ¡°Now who¡¯s the sex addict?¡± he smiles. ¡°I¡¯ve created a monster.¡± I shrug and look away, enveloped by the blush on my cheeks as his handes up to grab my chin and pull me back to him.Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°As long as I made you feel better and forgot about this morning.¡± His tone is soft, I look away again and shrug. Making it clear I don¡¯t want to talk about it. He sighs and then kisses my temple, affirming that he understands and still drags me toward the house. * * * Chapter 166 Chapter 166 ¡°You two look very rxed.¡± Sylvana points out, standing by her kitchen ind making a sd as we enter, my body flushes seven shades of morbid embarrassment. Jake mock frowns at me and leans in to whisper for my ears only. ¡°There¡¯s no hiding what you¡¯ve been up to is there?¡± His mouth lingering seductively by my ear and I give him an elbow jab to move him away. Luckily, Sylvana seems oblivious or at least has the good grace to pretend she is. ¡°We had a little stroll in the greenhouse and the garages.¡± He answers his mother smoothly, no hint of shame in his voice or manner. I keep my face down so my hair hides my hues of pink skin, heating all over. ¡°Oh, my roses are looking beautiful today, I only watered them this morning, that¡¯s if you noticed the flowers, of course.¡± She beams at us and I catch a knowing look in her eye which only makes me want the floor to open up and take me. Jake lets go of me and dives into the fridge for two bottles of water and hands me one, I didn¡¯t think I needed it but I¡¯m soon dragging it into my throat like someone who has been stuck in the Sahara for a week. Trying to push down my external blush and calm that internal flurry of panic and awkwardness. Jake¡¯s quizzing his mother on anything he¡¯s missed within the family for thest couple of weeks as this is the first time he¡¯s been home since being with me. I get lost inside my own head, thinking of nothing, just a sense of fatigue and a slight surreal feeling in the back of my mind. I me him and his undying energy and libido. I¡¯m in much need of a holiday from him to justy down and sleep. I¡¯m a little warm too, both of their eyes on me and I look up warily. ¡°Emma isn¡¯t really okay with all this yet, Mamma.¡± Jake warns and pulls me toward him and slides me into a stool by him. I¡¯m confused but say nothing. I must havepletely zoned out for a bit and have no idea what they said. ¡°Well, it isn¡¯t going to go away, and it isn¡¯t exactly the way I expected my first grandchild toe into the family.¡± She sounds upset and my stomach tightens at the topic. Great time to zone back in, well done. ¡°It¡¯s not how I imagined bing a father either,¡± he mutters, ncing to me for signs of anger or even emotion but I keep it all locked safely inside and just focus on my bottle of water and the growing heat up my spine. I catch him looking at me with a frown, second guessing my nk expression. Sometimes his knowing me this well is a curse. I tighten my resolve to give nothing away and ignore him. ¡°So, what did you finally agree on?¡± she pushes, oblivious to anything I may be feeling as she doesn¡¯t know my PA Emma face at all, or my ability to lock down and act fine. Jake stares at me warily, seeing nothing, he carries on. ¡°I attend sses to prepare for the birth, I go to the birth and after it¡¯s here I get fortnightly visitation two days a week until the baby is older. Then we¡¯ll re-meet to arrange weekly times and days.¡± I can still feel his eyes on me, waiting for a reaction, instead I focus on peeling off thebel on the bottle, my lip finding its way between my teeth absentmindedly. I catch his frown in the corner of my eye and take my lip out of my teeth. ¡°Well, it¡¯s best to get these things sorted out and legal ¡­ Marissa has always been one to change her mind like the weather.¡± Sylvana retorts and for the first time I sense a dislike in her for the girl. ¡°Has your father discussed the DNA test with you?¡± she adds in hastily and averts her eyes to her task Jake bristles instantly; his body close enough to send out signals in every which way. The air buzzing with him. ¡°Do you mean has he ordered me to enforce one after the babyes?¡± I catch the icy tone and nce up at him in surprise. ¡°He¡¯s only making sure the name of our family is protected, Jacob ¡­ That you really are the father.¡± She leans out and pats his hand gently. ¡°Women can be very maniptive with a means to an end, miele.¡± ¡°Marissa doesn¡¯t need money; she doesn¡¯t need my name either. Her family does just fine on its own.¡± He huffs, moving back to reach for an apple in the fruit bowl and starts tossing it between his hands in agitation. Jake is entering the ¡®I¡¯m done with this¡¯ mode. Fidgeting is his tell. ¡°You never told me about a DNA test?¡± I finally butt in quietly; Jake¡¯s eyes snap up to me in surprise at hearing my voice. That I am actually interacting with this topic. ¡°You never want to talk about it, bambino ¡­ I didn¡¯t think there was point in telling you, seeing as it¡¯s a moot point.¡± He looks annoyed with Sylvana yet wary that I¡¯ve started talking about something I normally avoid like the gue. ¡°Why?¡± Sylvana demands. ¡°Because Marissa and you had sex? Jacob, women who want something will sometimes do all in their power to get it ¡­ Marissa has always wanted you back, this isn¡¯t about money or title.¡± She boldly points out. ¡°She¡¯s definitely pregnant and she knows that she has no chance with me ¡­ Ever.¡± He snaps and turns, pacing to the patio doors, looking outside, his body emanating aggression. The pain coursing through my heart right now is enough to make me stay seated, unable to go to him. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°I don¡¯t doubt she is ¡­ And despite you saying you believe her; I think it would be best for everyone if we just made it official after the birth.¡± She is trying to smooth over his bad mood. I take in his straight, stiff posture and know best when to leave him be. He is in angry mode and she needs to stop talking and leave him be. Back off, Mamma Carrero, your son is on the verge of rage mode. ¡°Maybe we should drop it for now.¡± I smile quietly at her. ¡°I really don¡¯t feel so good.¡± I add without thinking and realize it¡¯s true, since sitting here and gulping down water I have started to feel really lightheaded and my cheeks are burning. It¡¯se over me almost instantaneously. Jake turns and comes to me quickly, tuned in as soon as I say it. ¡°What¡¯s wrong, are you okay?¡± His handes to my face and it¡¯s thest thing I know before darkness overtakes me. * * * ¡°She¡¯sing around.¡± I make out Sylvana¡¯s voice over the top of me and something cold and damp across my head, Jake¡¯s facees into focus, leaning over me, etched with concern. His normally yful expression now dark and foreboding and his green eyes almost ck. Sylvana appears further back, removing the dampness on my head and reces it with another, colder, one. ¡°Hey,¡± Jake breathes, as I flutter myshes open. ¡°You scared me, bambino.¡± His voice is husky and shaky, his hands gripping both of mine tightly and I can feel the tension radiating from him. ¡°What happened?¡± I ask weakly, closing my eyes again as exhaustion washes over me. I feel woozy still. ¡°You fainted, miele.¡± Sylvana cuts in softly, a warm gentle hand stroking my cheek. ¡°Luckily, Jake was quick enough to catch you before you did yourself a terrible injury, you were only out a couple of minutes. I think we need to get a house visit from our family doctor.¡± She smiles at me as I focus on her face again. I feel nothing but fatigue and disorientation, as though I¡¯ve been asleep for days. I realize I¡¯m lying t on my back and there¡¯s arge ornate ceiling above me and central light fixture with borate center rose, I¡¯m in some sort of grand sitting room. ¡°Emma, look at me.¡± Jake¡¯s voice urges, and I obey, focusing on his worried face, his mouth set in a thin line, he¡¯s frowning deeply. His shoulders hunched forward as he scrutinizes me. ¡°The doctor is a good idea, be.¡± ¡°No. No doctors,¡± I say, finding some inner strength and trying to sit up but he pushes me back down. ¡°You don¡¯t get a say.¡± Hemands, that furrowing browing close tomandeering Carrero face. ¡°Yes, I do ¡­ Look, it¡¯s been a long day, we had an early start and two flights today followed by an ¡­ erm ¡­ long walk.¡± I add blushing wildly and avoid looking at his mother, I catch the smirk on his face at my meaning. ¡°I¡¯m just exhausted and a little overwhelmed.¡± His hand strokes across my face, sending tiny shivers through me. ¡°I don¡¯t want a doctor, I think I just need a nap, I¡¯m so tired.¡± I point out. It¡¯s been an emotional day and I¡¯m seriously king right now. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s wise¡ª¡± Sylvana starts but Jake cuts in. ¡°I¡¯ll take her upstairs and let her sleep, if she¡¯s still shakyter then I¡¯ll be the first to get her a doctor, Mamma, I swear ¡­ Okay?¡± I rx as Jake sides with me. I know he wants nothing more than for me to obey her, but he also knows if I want to be stubborn, I¡¯ll point nk refuse to let a doctor touch me. She regards his expression for a moment and then me. ¡°Okay, take her to your old room, miele ¡­ I had all the beds made up fresh when you told me you were coming.¡± She leans and kisses him on the cheek before moving back. ¡°Come on, you.¡± Jake¡¯s leans in, scooping me in his arms and hoists me up revealing that I have been laid on an expensive looking white couch and carries me out toward that sweeping marble staircase in the grand hall. * * * I wake in the darkness, my body held tightly in Jake¡¯s arms and maneuver to free myself a little. I¡¯m surprised to find that both of us are undressed and under the bed clothes. When I fell asleep, I was fully dressed, lying on top,id on his chest as he watched a movie. It¡¯s dark around us and reaching for the phone in the semi-dark room I¡¯m shocked to find it has gone 4.00 a.m. How long have I been asleep? I must have been exhausted. I look down at hispletely still face, breathing heavily in slumber, his strong arms encircling me protectively. It takes away the urge to get up and instead I nuzzle back down into him, nose to nose and watch him sleep before slumber overtakes me again. Chapter 167 Chapter 167 Jake stills over me, bracing himself on his arms, biceps straining impressively. His naked skin has a soft sheen of moisture and is glistening at me from inches above my own nakedness. I¡¯m heated, tingling and tired and yet outraged he has stopped. ¡°What¡¯s wrong, bambino?¡± His intense gaze dissecting my face, his breathing rapid. I wriggle impatiently, unimpressed with his sudden halt. ¡°Nothing ¡­What are you doing?¡± I stay nestled in the pillows watching him in confusion. My heart rate still elevated and my breathing shallow. ¡°Baby, we have been having sex for the best part of a half hour and I haven¡¯t made you cum once ¡­ That¡¯s unheard of for you ¡­ I¡¯m starting to feel a little more than inadequate.¡± He pulls off me, indicating he¡¯s not going to continue. ¡°Jake, don¡¯t stop ¡­ It still feels better than good.¡± I pout, trying to pull him down against me but he only resists. ¡°Not until you tell me what¡¯s wrong.¡± He persists, his face serious. ¡°Nothing¡¯s wrong.¡± It¡¯s not exactly a lie, I have been more than enjoying what he was doing but my head has been all over the ce making it impossible to sumb to the growing waves of orgasm every time they started. ¡°Are you still dizzy? From yesterday?¡± The concern etched on his face tugs at my heart, guilt rising inside of me. ¡°No. I told you when we woke up, I¡¯m fine today.¡± I bite my lip anxiously; I know he¡¯s not going to let this go. As sex crazed as Jake seems to be, he always seems honed into how I¡¯m responding and feeling. He¡¯s an attentive lover. ¡°Is this about Marissa?¡± He leans down so he¡¯s closer to me, his eyes locking fully on mine for any hint of hesitation. ¡°No ¡­ Maybe.¡± I break. It¡¯s true. All I¡¯ve been thinking about is her and the baby since his mother brought her up. The DNA test foremost in my head. A mass of confused thoughts eating away at my brain and driving me insane. ¡°In general? Or more specifically?¡± Intuitive as always and straight to the point. I turn to look at the bedside clock, uneasy at his intent gaze on my face. It¡¯s after ten in the morning, most of the house will probably be up now and I wonder if maybe we should go downstairs instead of this interrogation. He catches my chin and pulls me back to face him. ¡°I can stay here all day, baby, and drag this out of you one letter at a time.¡± He threatens, and I know he means it, no one has more stubbornness in them than him. ¡°I think you should have the DNA test done.¡± I blurt out then cringe, biting back on my lip in remorse. His face tightens but he doesn¡¯t fully react. I watch as his pale hue of green changes to a darker shade with more brown flecks than normal and he narrows his eyes with a frown. It always mesmerized me the way they could change depending on his mood. A typical green eye characteristic. ¡°You don¡¯t think the baby is mine?¡± He questions tly, face devoid of any expression, except a subtle furrow. I can feel the ripple of tension, though, and my stomach lurches with the energy. ¡°I don¡¯t know ¡­ What your mother said, Jake, the fact you say you don¡¯t even remember sleeping with her and I know you ¡­ No matter how drunk, you¡¯ve never forgotten to use a condom.¡± Didn¡¯t I used to order your goddamn supply for you? ¡°You don¡¯t think myck of memory indicates just how drunk I was? That not using a condom in that state is likely?¡± His voice has an edge to it but he¡¯s still not giving much away.Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°If you were that drunk then how did you even ¡­ You know.¡± I look away awkwardly, hating this conversation, a deep pit in my stomach building up. My nerves tightening and nausea threatening to take hold. Something prickling all the way up my skin and making me nervy. ¡°Get it up?¡± He replies sardonically and all I can do is nod mutely with a flush of shame and warming cheeks. ¡°It¡¯s never been an issue; even drunk enough to forget what I¡¯ve been up to.¡± He points out and that inner hope I have been starting to cling to, dies immediately. He rolls off me onto his back and stares nkly up at the ceiling. ¡°You really want me to do this?¡± He sounds almost exasperated. Maybe angry. ¡°Don¡¯t do it if you don¡¯t want to,¡± I reply numbly, this shift in his position and mood throwing me. Ten minutes ago, he was inside of me, breathing heavily in my ear as I groaned and writhed under his body, mounting again to another wave of pleasure. Maybe I wouldn¡¯t have cum, but I was certainly enjoying it way more than this. ¡°You can¡¯t just hit me with what¡¯s wrong then say something like that.¡± He snaps. ¡°Of course, I¡¯ll take the fucking test.¡± He gets up quickly and stalks off toward the en-suite. ¡°I would do anything you asked of me ¡­ Doesn¡¯t mean I have to be fucking happy about it.¡± He ms the bathroom door as soon as he¡¯s inside and I well up instantly. A tremor of emotion running through me painfully. I didn¡¯t want to fight. I roll on my side and wrap my arms around myself, an effort to push away the threatening tears, absolutely no clue what the issue with the test is. Doesn¡¯t he want to be sure? Why is he so against it? Why did he get so angry about it? I would want to know if it was me. It¡¯s not like he has reason to trust her, she¡¯s proven that years ago. He finally emerges wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, I can smell toothpaste and he looks like he¡¯s trimmed his stubble, his hair styled. I guess he¡¯s no intention ofing back to bed. He walks past the bed, hauling his running shoes from the bag on the floor that holds his gym clothes and sits down on the edge of the bed to put them on. I say nothing, just watch him silently, hating the atmosphere between us. He finally gets up, stretches out his arms over his head and flexes hisrge shoulders, rotating them before throwing me a look. ¡°I¡¯m going for a run ¡­ Stay here or go for breakfast ¡­ Don¡¯t wait on me, I don¡¯t know how long I¡¯m going to be.¡± There¡¯s nothing in his tone, no anger yet no love and he doesn¡¯t stoop to kiss me before yanking the zip of his hoodie up and walking out. No backward nce or even a smile, he just stalks out, emanating all kinds of anger and then he¡¯s gone. All the tension bubbling inside of me to epic proportions and I immediately burst into tears and bury my face in the pillows of the bed to drown it out. Pulling them around me to blot out the world, I pull my knees up to my stomach and let the full force of the pain run through me. He¡¯s no idea how he can make me feel, how little effort it really takes to hurt me. Especially about this, he has no clue to the depth of insecurity it¡¯s inflicted me with. ¡°Don¡¯t cry, baby, please.¡± His sudden tone in my ear makes me jump as his armse around me tightly from behind. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Emma ¡­ Please, bambino.¡± His tone is soft and gentle, his fingers uncurling my grip in the cushions, so he can pull me into his body, encircling me with his face in my hair by my cheek. ¡°Shhhhhh,e on. Turn around.¡± He breathes, finally coaxing me to face him and pulling me against his chest. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Neonata. Stop. You¡¯re making me feel even shittier than I do already.¡± His fingerse down across my face, wiping away the dampness, his noseing down to mine so he can look at me. I¡¯m nestled in his arms under him. I take a breath, stilling the onught, sniffing back any more threatening toe. Confused as to why he¡¯s back. ¡°I¡¯ve stopped.¡± I sigh emotionally, sniffing again and suddenly embarrassed. ¡°Why did youe back?¡± I look up at him with wide eyes. ¡°I didn¡¯t get far ¡­ This overwhelming guilt that after finally getting you to actually tell me how you¡¯re feeling, I just acted like a prize asshole and you would probably never open up again. You can¡¯t help that you feel that way, bambino. Being pissed at you for it is a sure-fire way to make sure you never trust me to talk about it again. I can¡¯t let that happen.¡± He regards me remorsefully, his brows lowered in regret. ¡°It¡¯s a touchy subject ¡­ Do you forgive me?¡± He leans down as I nod and kisses me gently on the mouth, soft and reassuring, his handes to curl in my hair. He breathes heavily and looks away across the room over the top of me as though trying to find a focus. ¡°I¡¯m not mad about taking the tests, Emma ¡­ I agree. It¡¯s just Marissa can be a prize bitch normally and hitting her with this will set her off again. She¡¯s going to flip out and cause me all sorts of agro, miele. I can¡¯t me her though; it¡¯s doubting her honesty and probably going to look like I¡¯m looking for a way out.¡± He sighs again. ¡°From day one she¡¯s been using me of not being invested ¡­ This is just going to look like she¡¯s right.¡± Chapter 168 Chapter 168 ¡°You¡¯re putting up with so much crap from her and running to LA for all of this,¡± I retort. ¡°How can she say that you¡¯re not invested?¡± ¡°You really want to know?¡± He looks at me warily. ¡°You never ask about any of this.¡± He watches me carefully. I bite on my lip, and twirl my hair nervously, everything in me wanting to push this topic away and mp shut, but the way he¡¯s looking at me stills me. He lifts his hand to mine, cupping it slowly and pulls my fingers from my hair with a frown. He keeps my hand in his yet uses his thumb to stroke my cheek. ¡°I want to talk to you about this, but not if it¡¯s going to upset you.¡± He finally admits but I stay still, looking intently at him. My heart racing erratically. ¡°I need to stop pretending it¡¯s not happening.¡± I finally let out quietly and watch the indecision flit across his face. He knows I won¡¯t lead the conversation, so he volunteers it instead. ¡°I asked her to have a termination.¡± He grimaces as though he¡¯s not proud of the memory. ¡°The night in the hotel, the first time we ever had sex ¡­ I didn¡¯t know what was happening with us, all I could think about was you. She wanted me to marry her, for the sake of her pride and I told her no. I thought a baby would mean I would never have a chance with you, so I told her I didn¡¯t want it.¡± He looks anywhere but at me and despite looking ashamed there¡¯s an inner glow inside of me, a tiny spark calming over my insecure heart. Does that make me aplete bitch? ¡°I was aplete jerk. She showed up at the wrong time, things between us messy and all I wanted was to march to your room and talk about everything that happened; not be pacing around my room with an angry Marissa preaching to me about responsibilities.¡± I love you so much! ¡°You think I don¡¯t agree? I would have done the same if I were you.¡± I reach my fingertips up and try to smooth away the furrow of his dark brows. ¡°This baby has been a massive cloud over us from day one.¡± He sighs and turns his attention back to me, his knuckles running down my cheek. ¡°I keep trying to feel some sort of peace with this, trying to get things legal is an attempt at being okay with it but I just can¡¯t. No matter how many times I tell myself I¡¯m going to be a father, I just can¡¯t seem to ept it.¡± He exhales heavily. ¡°The DNA testing just points out to me more than ever how much I¡¯m desperate to find a way out, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m ashamed that I can even think that way. It¡¯s why I don¡¯t want it ¡­ Because I don¡¯t want to focus hope on some miracle that it¡¯s not mine.¡± Hearing him verbalize all of this makes me cry, only not with insecurity or anguish but with relief, a part of me needing to hear all of this finally. He rests his forehead to mine, his fingers tracing my mouth. ¡°This isn¡¯t how I nned any of this. It was supposed to be just you and me and a whole future ahead of us to get married, have kids ¡­ Marissa and this baby turn everything upside down. It kills me to know how much it hurts you and that hurts me too.¡± ¡°I wish it never happened.¡± I admit shyly, my cheeks heating at the admission, afraid to show him how selfish I am. You¡¯re an awful person, Emma! ¡°I wish it never happened either; I¡¯m not just saying that because I got her pregnant ¡­ I wish I had realized the moment I fell in love with you that sex with anyone else was never going to fix me. I was stupid and only gave you more reason to push me away.¡± He¡¯s gazing deeply into my eyes intensely; every shade of green hase into y with every emotion and right now I¡¯m mesmerized. I look away, swallowing down the surge of hurt, the memory of him leaving me on that boat to expel his sexual tension with other women in a bid to get over me. ¡°It never helped me. I just felt shitty.¡± He whispers against my cheek. ¡°It just made me even more messed up in the head, feeling more and more distraught.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t need to tell me this.¡± I start, the panic rising that¡¯s he¡¯s going to admit to everything I don¡¯t want to hear. I don¡¯t need to know about the women who kept him upied while we were apart. ¡°I need to tell you this, Emma ¡­ You need to hear it, if anything so that I stop feeling guilty about it every time I look at you. I regret it so much.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to know about other women when you left the boat.¡± I start, wriggling to get free but he holds me still. ¡°There was only one ¡­ Once. I swear. Then I sent her away and took some alone time because I realized sex wasn¡¯t going to straighten my head out, it wasn¡¯t going to fill this emptiness inside of me that you left.¡± It rips through my chest but in no way near the destructive way I expected. I was waiting to hear about a multitude of women and non-stop sex, yet his admission takes it all away. ¡°But you came back to New York with a date.¡± I point out. My brain scrambling at the memories in disbelief. ¡°I¡¯m capable of sharing my bed with someone and not having sex you know, I brought her with me to make sure I didn¡¯t try anything with you.¡± He shrugs. ¡°I didn¡¯t care if it pissed her off, I just didn¡¯t trust myself to be close to you.¡± ¡°Before the boat?¡± I blurt out, my mind chaos and trying to think back to the women he had around me back then. So sure he¡¯d been keeping up with his dates throughout. ¡°Probably less than half you thought I was sleeping with, slowly, over the months I couldn¡¯t find anything in them that turned me on. I pretty much lost all interest in every woman that Iid eyes on after the first time I kissed you.¡± He smiles at me. ¡°Up until that point, I didn¡¯t really understand how I felt, I knew I cared about you a lot. I knew that you drove me crazy with your tight skirts, hints of cleavage, and high heels but I figured it was lust ¡­ Challenge of the unattainable. I was confused.¡± ¡°But we barely kissed, and I pushed you away?¡± I frown, my memories falling into one another haphazardly. ¡°I know. But in that brief second, I knew I was crazy about you, the feel of you.¡± He stops and runs a gentle fingertip across my lower lip longingly. ¡°I¡¯ve never felt that way kissing anyone, the deep lurch in my stomach and goddamn butterflies¡± He grins. ¡°All that mushy girl crap you hear them talking about ¡­ It actually happened for me.¡± I grin back at him. Who knew Carrero could turn into a teen girl? ¡°Pity all I could think was how terrified I was, it drowned out everything else for me.¡± I admit apologetically but he only smiles and throws a quick kiss on my mouth. ¡°I felt it baby ¡­ That fear, that instant terror and it only made me want to be the guy to rescue you even more. I knew I had to gain your trust slowly. I made up my mind that I was going to be the guy to bring you out of yourself, no matter what it took.¡± ¡°Not enough to abstain from sex though?¡± I pout. ¡°Hey, no fair. I was still figuring it out. I tried to just carry on as normal, but I didn¡¯t get the same kick out of casual sex anymore and I didn¡¯t sleep with most of them.¡± His brow furrows and his gazends on mine again, that remorse overtaking his beautiful face. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°So, your break in women? You were really celibate by then? That must have been hard when surrounded by over sexed bimbos,¡± I grimace, unable to conceal my jealousy. ¡°Why? You don¡¯t think I could cope without constant sex? I kept up the pretense for a while, baby, in case you caught on something had changed and then I just let the dates fizzle out until I didn¡¯t bother with them anymore. Which, can I add, was a relief, because man, you women sure get prissy as shit when a guy refuses sex. I knew what I wanted, Emma. No one else held any interest for me. It was harder to be around you and not want sex with you every minute of the day.¡± ¡°Jake Carrero gave up sex for me. Hell must have frozen over.¡± I¡¯m grinning, this admission has completely blown me away. I squeal and giggle as he goes for my stomach with tickling fingers. ¡°I told you ¡­ This rtionship didn¡¯t start after that dance, neonata, for me, this has been a very long timeing. I¡¯m amazed I still had thesting capability the first time we had sex. It had been a hell of a while and the way you got to me I was shocked Isted more than thirty seconds.¡± He was on top of me now, brushing back my hair and nuzzling his nose against mine. ¡°I guess it exins why you¡¯re making up for it nowadays.¡± I giggle, heughs too, flooring me with the beauty of that white grin. ¡°Trust me. Theck of sex is not the only reason. You, my love, drive me insane with lust.¡± He kisses me more thoroughly, pinning me down to the bed and moving against me suggestively. ¡°See.¡± He points out as the hardness in his pants press through the sheets against my pelvis. ¡°I didn¡¯t stop things.¡± I remind him. ¡°You did.¡± He frowns and takes a deep breath, his eyes on mine as he stills. That serious, all-business look coming across his face. ¡°I¡¯ll have mywyers draft in the request for DNA for as soon as the baby is born, this may change things with our current arrangements knowing how Marissa can be. I¡¯m not going to get my hopes up, Emma ¡­ I may not remember it happening but I¡¯m pretty sure she would never stoop that low.¡± He brushes his nose against mine before stealing a soft kiss. I smile in response despite the inner trepidation and sudden flutter of anxiety. There¡¯s nothing more to say on the subject and knowing that he will get the test helps put it out of my head. This whole conversation has helped put it all out of my head. Lifting my chin up, I kiss him passionately, catching his bottom lip and sucking it sexily, the stirring in his sweatpants harden I and grin triumphantly. ¡°Want to get naked and finish what you started, Casanova?¡± Iy back watching with satisfaction as the heavy dark lust clouds his eye color. ¡°Bambino, I¡¯m on a mission to make you cum at least once before we head down for food.¡± He grins, pulling away to peel his clothes off. Chapter 169 Chapter 169 Entering the dining room sote in the morning feels like a huge giveaway as to what we¡¯ve been doing but I¡¯m d to see it¡¯s absolutely deserted. Jake¡¯s walking behind me with his hands on my shoulders and is much more rxed, he¡¯s practically horizontal now, his mood is so mellow. I guess finally making me orgasm multiple times has him in a much better mood, all my inner thoughts and emotions no longer a hurdle when he started making love to me again. In fact, his confessions had only made me extra responsive to his touch and barely able tost minutes before the first waves had overtaken me. He kisses me on the back of the head before letting go and taking my hand to lead me to a sunny breakfast roomid with bowls and cereal. Almost as soon as we sit a maides in bringing us hot tes of pancakes, eggs, sausages, and bacon and a fresh bowl of sliced fruit. He doesn¡¯t even acknowledge the girl, but I smile warmly at her with thanks. ¡°That¡¯s really rude you know?¡± I chastise him lightly, sitting opposite him and watching him lift his mug as he scans the newspaper and picks up his phone. ¡°What is?¡± He looks up from the phone in his hand with a quizzical expression. ¡°Not thanking people for bringing you food.¡± ¡°It¡¯s her job, she does it several times a day ¡­ If I thanked her for every time she served us something she would think I fancied her.¡± He grins at me cheekily but is met only with my unamused frown. I shouldn¡¯t be testy about a lifetime of being blind to the people who serve him. He hasn¡¯t known any other life except the one with money and servants. ¡°She¡¯s still a person, Jake ¡­ An employee. No different to what I was to you.¡± I point out, a surge of irritation and that weird overreactive feeling again. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s all that¡¯s going ontely that has me so touchy. My emotions and moods had been erratic to say the least. ¡°You know as well as I do no one could everpare to what you were to me ¡­ Are to me.¡± His intense look floors me, yet this time when the girl brings the pitcher of fresh orange juice, he thanks her with a winning smile, which makes me smile too. Satisfied I have that effect on him. The girl blushes and twirls off, almost skipping away. ¡°I bet I find her naked in my bedter.¡± He points out sardonically, but I glower at him and shake my head. ¡°Being a gentleman doesn¡¯t automatically encourage sexual advances.¡± I scold but then bite my tongue when our server returns with the day¡¯s newest papers and lingers a little too long next to Jake with a very improper twinkle in her eye. I sigh and look away, resisting the urge to throw my te at her head. ¡°Did you forget who you¡¯re in love with, baby?¡± he says in front of her, staring at me fully with a raised know-it-all eyebrow and ignoring herpletely. His reputation even in this house preceding him. She moves away and then a thought urs to me and I lean forward in irritation. ¡°You never? ¡­ You know? ¡­ With her? Or the staff?¡± I wince at the jealousy in my voice and instantly hate myself. God, will I always be this insecure? Jake lifts a fork and digs into the fruit bowl, a smirk on his face. Dragging out the silence a moment before answering. Asshole, he¡¯s enjoying this! ¡°No, bambino. Never touched any of my staff ¡­ Never touched any employees until you.¡± He throws me a wink then settles down to start stuffing his face heartily. That appetite as always is huge. If Jake didn¡¯t work out religiously then I am sure that huge muscr frame would carry a lot more weight.C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°Beneath you, I assume?¡± I snort haughtily, annoyed with the fact he¡¯s enjoying this. Heughs and despite myself I smile. ¡°No, my sweet little hell cat; not beneath me at all. I don¡¯t care what a girl does as a job or what she earns, I don¡¯t however like messywsuits over the misuse of my position or shocking headlines ¡­ Anymore.¡± He throws me a boss Carrero look and I rx a little with a smirk. I dig into my food, stopping to pour syrup on it first. Ravenous isn¡¯t close to how hungry I am right now. ¡°I guess you better dig out my employment contract and make some amendments under the sexual harassment section.¡± I smirk, lifting an eyebrow in amusement. ¡°Miele, I literally burned that thing the second I knew I was going to chase you to the ends of the earth. Technically you haven¡¯t been an employee for a very long time.¡± He winks, and my face drops. I¡¯m not sure if he is being serious or not, his face giving nothing away at all. ¡°You¡¯re kidding, right?¡± I eye him warily. Surely Jake really wouldn¡¯t have done something so underhanded as to remove me as an employee of Carrero Corporation. He isn¡¯t that kind of maniptive. ¡°Am I?¡± He smirks, between mouthfuls and carries on digging in, turning over the paper to the business section and dipping his head. ¡°Of course, you¡¯re kidding.¡± I add shaking my head at my own stupidity. ¡°I still got paid every month, I¡¯m pretty sure legal wouldn¡¯t dish out cash to anyone not on the payroll.¡± ¡°Oh, but for a second there, you doubted me.¡± He grins without looking up. I pick up a grape and toss it at him, hitting him in his shoulder. ¡°With you, I can never tell!¡± I point out innocently. ¡°You think a contract would stop me fromying my hands on you?¡± He looks up, his eyes almost glittering and I blush. I shake my head knowing only too well it would never stop the tornado that is Jake Carrero. He smiles at me and tosses the grape, which had rolled to hisp, on to the table, leaning over to dump some fruit on my te and steals a bit of my syrup-soaked pancake. * * * After breakfast, we wander the gardens in the sunshine, enjoying the quiet before the rush of people getting up. It seems most of the Carrero family eat in bed on weekends and stay out of sight until afternoon. All of them work and have demanding careers so they use this time when they are all together to bezy and rx. This big house and its grounds are all but deserted, only the meandering staff running around doing whatever they are paid to do. Jefferson arrives a little after twelve with a ck folder for Jake and several brown envelopes, taking his leave immediately to go be wherever he goes when Jake does not require him. I guess it¡¯s to go back to New York. Pulling me with him to the kitchen through the wide patio doors Jake sets about opening the mail and smiling at me as he fumbles through papers. ¡°Here.¡± He holds out a gold card to me without looking up, automatically I take it and notice my name on the front. It¡¯s a credit card. ¡°What¡¯s this for?¡± I nce at him in confusion. ¡°For abusing, miele.¡± He pulls out some papers and flips them over, practically ignoring me. ¡°Why do I need this?¡± I put it down on the counter and slide it back to him, but he only stops my hand mid-push and slides it back toward me with a frown. ¡°Because you¡¯re my girlfriend and I pay for the standard of living I¡¯m trying to get you used too.¡± His tone is edgy, we re at one another for a moment and I bristle internally. This is not part of the deal, Carrero! ¡°I¡¯m fine with how things are, I don¡¯t need you giving me this on top of everything you already pay for and buy me.¡± I retort, but this time I catch his full undivided angry re. ¡°Well you¡¯re going to be pissed with this then.¡± He flops down the paperwork in front of me, almost in a challenging way. I take it, eyeing him warily and notice it¡¯s a contract. My contract. My new position in his corporation with a wage rise of almost ten times what I have been paid previously. I almost choke on it. As a PA I had always earned top dor, but this sum tops some of thepany executives¡¯ sries. I snap up to him inplete confusion. ¡°I don¡¯t need this.¡± I gasp but he only shrugs. So many conflicting emotions hitting me at once. Chapter 170 Chapter 170 ¡°Regardless to whether you do or don¡¯t, I told you we had reshuffled our job roles. This is just an informality required by legal.¡± He leans down kissing me on the temple before moving off with the rest of his papers to the table and sitting down. Picking up both the credit card and the contract, I walk over and toss them down in front of him, folding my arms stubbornly. You will not buy me or control me this way! ¡°I do not require any more money or a new title. This says I¡¯m your VP ¡­ Your second inmand?¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re already that. Time you got paid for it, and some recognition.¡± He¡¯s already flicking through papers and trying to dismiss me. I don¡¯t think so! ¡°Jake, first, you don¡¯t even let me go to work anymore so I shouldn¡¯t be getting paid anything at all!¡± I snap haughtily. ¡°And second, everyone in the building will think you did this because you¡¯re screwing me.¡± I balk, emotion rising inside of me at an rming speed. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°Don¡¯t turn this into a fight.¡± He sighs with a wave of his hand,mandeering Carrero returning in full. ¡°Don¡¯t make our rtionship about money,¡± I snap again, tears brimming to the surface with this damn crazy sensitivity I havetely. What the hell is with that? ¡°You¡¯re the only one doing that,¡± he snaps back, equally riled and slides his chair back in agitation. ¡°Emma, get used to being rich, because I¡¯ll marry you and like it or not, I¡¯ve no ns to go bankrupt in my lifetime. My money will be your money too and trust me, there is a lot more than either of us can spend in a lifetime.¡± He gets up, pushing past me and stalking to the fridge, retrieving a water bottle and taking a drink before he turns back to me a little more calmly. I¡¯m still ring at him with my arms crossed across my chest defiantly. ¡°Look, I get it ¡­ I¡¯m not stupid. I know you. It¡¯s hard for you to ever just ept anything from anyone that you don¡¯t think you¡¯ve earned, crazy independence in case everything goes to shit. This ¡­ Us ¡­ It¡¯s not going to end, Emma, and you do deserve everything I have to give. I just happen to have shit loads of money and I want you to not need to ask me to splurge on yourself. This way, you can have your own money and do what you want with it, the credit card is for when you get used to abusing my finances and let me pay for things instead.¡± He sighs watching me, my face still bathed in irritation. Walking back to me he lets his hand wander up my arm to my jawline. I nudge my face away. I don¡¯t know how to feel about this right now. That inner war waging. Independent and fearless Emma showing her face. ¡°Baby, please ¡­ I know you¡¯re not with me because of this ¡­ You don¡¯t have anything to prove, it¡¯s okay to enjoy having a filthy rich boyfriend. There¡¯s no shame in it.¡± He kisses me gently and rxes as I start to respond to it, always incapable with maintaining a mood when he touches me. His mouth opens mine and is soon engulfing me in a hot, searing kiss. ¡°I don¡¯t want this,¡± I finally sigh, calmer and push the contract back at him. ¡°I don¡¯t need it.¡± It¡¯s true. Jake already pays for everything, leaving most of my wages every month untouched. Only the regr bills toward the apartment with Sarahe out. Jake is generous to a fault with having Donna bring me clothes and lingerie often, he feeds me almost ritually, and I never want for anything. I never have to spend anything. I don¡¯t need a bank ount filling up with money I won¡¯t even use, money I¡¯m not even earning anymore. I¡¯m not one to go shopping often or splurge on things for fun. Since Jake has decided that work is out of the question, I don¡¯t do anything to deserve any money at all. I¡¯m only epting my monthly wage on the understanding we will eventually go back, and I will eventually do something to be paid for, so that I can pay Sarah for my room. ¡°If you don¡¯t sign it, I¡¯ll stop sleeping with you until you do.¡± He smiles wickedly, that stubborn look in his eye. He means it. ¡°You would cave before I did,¡± I retort, turning my back to him in defiance, folding my arms across my chest again. Not too enamored with threats right now. His hand slides down my summer dress, across the curve of my ass gently and ignites a million sensations so effortlessly. ¡°Baby, you held me at arm¡¯s length for almost a year ¡­ I¡¯m sure I can handle it.¡± I catch the amusement in his voice, he really believes he has me over a barrel and it only spurs the determination in me. A battle of wills. ¡°Fine ¡­ You want to y games over this then we¡¯re on. No sex until I sign? Get used to a very tonic rtionship, baby!¡± I grin smartly using his own term of endearment, wiggling my ass into his crotch before sauntering off and leaving him standing alone with his contract and credit card on the table. An inner goddess lifting her sassy head and deciding to beat him down with his own methods. He follows close behind, catching me by the arm and pulling me back, a smug look on his face. ¡°Game on, sweetheart ¡­ No rules. First one to cave loses. Either you sign the contract, or I can¡¯t take it anymore and fuck you. I¡¯ve no doubt that you¡¯ll sign it before we head home, bambino.¡± His voice thick andden with intent, I can read the glint of excitement in his eye at the chance for a new game. That cocky confidence that he will win only ignites something inside of me. Well really? ¡°No rules? At all?¡± I flutter myshes innocently before letting my hand run up his sweat pant leg, pushing into his waist band and seeking out his manhood, rubbing him under his boxers until I get a response. He catches my wrist and yanks it away, nose to nose. ¡°You forget who¡¯s better at the art of seduction, Emma ¡­ You¡¯re the one who likes instant gratification and can never wait ¡­ I, on the other hand, like to drag things out, remember?¡± His mouth lingers close enough to mine, I think he¡¯s going to kiss me, our breaths getting heavier as lust builds in both of us. The excitement of this little game sparking something naughty and pushing all anger out of the window. He moves forward so he breathes against my lips, his handes up my inner thigh slowly and deliciously under my short dress, creeping closer to my now wet underwear until he sees my lips part and my eyes get heavy with longing. His mouth teasingly near, the urge to reach up and suck one of his perfect smooth, soft lips. He smiles and pushes off me, turning and walking away. I¡¯m left reeling, my body tingling, and my inner core throbbing with heat. That backward smug look of his as he saunters away only ignites the self-doubt. Why did I start this? I know better than anyone that he has more sexpertize than most. I tremble at the thought of what he¡¯s capable of, but I push aside the shrill of excitement I feel. The lure of being chased and turned on by Jake in an effort to have me begging him for sex. The thought of him pulling out all stops to make me yield, is strangely appealing. We¡¯ll see. I know one thing for sure. When he said ¡®no rules¡¯ he didn¡¯t take into consideration that by turning me on he would have to fight himself not to lose control ¡­ I, on the other hand, could seduce to my heart¡¯s content and that made the odds tip in my favor. I could make Jake insane with longing, push him to take me forcefully. The shiver of excitement courses through me; I could pull out all the stops to seduce him, but he has to keep it at a level that leaves him able to stop. I know how to push his buttons, it¡¯s almost a certainty that I¡¯ll win if ites down to that. I can¡¯t deny that inner excitement at seeing my aggressive lover again. That part of me that needs primal sex and hisck of control. I walk out into the hall to go in search of him and find him embroiled in a friendly group of people in casual clothes as they all appear from various directions, talking animatedly. He pulls me close to introduce me to his brother again and his current girlfriend, his cousins with women in tow, and a few other family and friends his mother invited. Arrick and Jake head off into a quiet corner togetherughing and joking, I know he¡¯s trying to put distance between us in the name of his game and I¡¯m left in a throng of loud, energetic people all vying to get each other¡¯s attention, in the maternal hold of Sylvana¡¯s arm. The overall atmosphere is loud and bustling, but you can feel the genuine warmth and energy. These people actually like one another. Before long, Sylvana moves us all out to the pool side loungers where everyone seems to spread out and form little huddles. Arrick¡¯s young girlfriend seems painfully shy and sticks close to me, feeling somehow as left out as I do with both our men seemingly ignoring us. Jake has barely looked my way and is doing a magnificent job of making me feel invisible. Chapter 171 Chapter 171 Just great! I like Arrick¡¯s girlfriend, I guess, she¡¯s sweet and shy and despite being maybe five years younger than me it¡¯s striking how simr we look. Both with tawny hair, highlighted to blonde in waves, both small and busty with soft gray blue eyes. I guess the Carrero brothers have a type. The only obvious difference I can see is she seems incredibly shy and mousy whereas I¡¯m more of a silent, outwardly confident type by manufacture. She shadows me to the loungers and seems relieved to get a seat right beside me on the double bed. Jake and Arrick strip off across the other side of the pool, so different in build. Arrick is athletic and young with a lot of lean muscle to his frame whereas Jake is all hard ridges, muscle, and manliness. There is a lot more of him next to his smaller sibling. He throws me a look and a smile that screams ¡®game on¡¯ and then dives expertly into the water, closely followed by his equally stunning younger brother. ¡°Wow, Jake has a lot of tattoos.¡± Cara exims, watching the men in wonder. I nce over at her and get that familiar hint of jealousy starting to rise from my stomach. Her eyes are wide with appreciation and her mouth parted; I can see she¡¯s starting to pant. For god¡¯s sake. ¡°Yeah, I guess ¡­ He got them all in hister teens I think.¡± We have never really talked about the tribal ink across his upper torso and scattered down his arms. I know he also has one on his upper back spreading across his shoulder des, all ck and no color. ¡°It¡¯s kind of hot, I wonder if Arrick would get some?¡± she whispers dreamily watching the two swimming easily across the pool before sshing water at each other. I can hear Jake¡¯sugh echo my way and it makes my insides clench. Is it now? Want to put your eyes back in your head sweetie? ¡°I¡¯m sure his parents wouldn¡¯t be impressed,¡± I respond tly. ¡°I know they both hate Jake¡¯s.¡± Which isn¡¯t entirely dishonest. I know they had both given him a lot of grief about them at first, but no one seemed to notice the additions inter years. Jake mentioned wanting a new tattoo briefly only recently. ¡°What¡¯s to hate? I mean on that body they only entuate things.¡± She grins, then immediately drops it when she catches my look, inner green-eyed me scowling unnecessarily. I know it¡¯s normal to check out Jake, everyone does it, but I don¡¯t need someone sitting beside me verbalizing it. Especially not someone so young and beautiful with an obvious resemnce to me. A younger less fucked-up model. That¡¯s called severe insecurity, Emma! Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to upset you.¡± She adds hastily. ¡°How long have you been dating?¡± She asks quietly, obviously trying to make amends for the eye ogling, her eyes still on the water and the now swimming men. ¡°A while,¡± I answer, contemting poking her in the eyeballs. In truth not long at all but as Jake always tells me this rtionship started long before it did and I¡¯m happy to let her believe it. Marking your territory? ¡°Wow, so like as in real dating, not just sex?¡± She looks impressed. Her eyes once again flicking to him as he pulls out of the water at the far side. A vision of slick muscle and gorgeousness. Maybe you need a poke in the brain, followed by a sharp poke in the throat! ¡°If you¡¯re asking if we¡¯re serious then yes, I live with him. He loves me.¡± I point out tly and turn to the magazines on the low table, picking the first on the pile. Trying to act indifferent to her and seeding. Something I was always good at. ¡°How did you manage that? I heard Jake was a hopeless womanizer, more chance of getting blood from a stone.¡± She looks me up and down and I can tell she¡¯sparing us as she pushes her bust out and rearranges her legs on the lounger. I swear, honey, you¡¯re going to meet the water in a second and I¡¯m sure swimming will be hard with my foot on your head. ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything; Jake is the one who pursued me ¡­ Relentlessly.¡± I smile to myself, even though our rtionship is far moreplex, it sounds good to summarize it that way. I nce over at him and see his smile turned our way, that same inner heat hitting me with the contact and distracting my crazy jealousy for a second. I still my response and just raise an eyebrow at him instead. He¡¯s the one keeping his distance, he doesn¡¯t get a smile for it. ¡°I guess you either had a chastity belt to stave that off or were an absolute tiger in bed to keep him interested.¡± She smiles, her eyes focused on Jake as he pulls himself out of the pool, his shorts now clinging to his butt and thighs and showing off every muscle perfectly, not to mention how much he is packing below the waist. Her head follows his saunter across the side, eyes widening at his obvious bulge and the way his muscles flex and tense as he moves and lifts a towel from a nearby lounger. I hate you. The girl has irritated me enough, I ignore her and turn to my side, away from her, to get a grip of the irrational thoughts and violent intentions. Opening the magazine to make it clear I¡¯m done. She shifts on the lounger and her foot grazes me as she maneuvers herself into a new position. ncing back in anger catching her posing like a wanton tramp, thrusting her bust forward and exposing her leg through her open wrap as Jake approaches. I guess I was wrong about this one, not so sweet and nice after all. Definitely ripe for a brutal beating. I jump up and walk away from the lounger. Jake doesn¡¯t stop, he just walks on to where I¡¯ve moved off and sits beside her instead, making me stop dead in my tracks. What the F ¡­? Jake always soothes my jealousy! She positively beams at him despite him shedding water all over her. Giving him a haughty re, I go back and sit on the lounger next to them, I¡¯m not leaving with him acting like an asshole. I sit a foot apart and pick up my magazine again, ignoring his grin and jutting my chin out in anger. I can feel that wicked gaze flicking my way and see the way he¡¯s sprawled out casually beside her, all tanned, carved torso, and long legs. Asshole. ¡°So, Cara ¡­ Arrick tells me you¡¯re a freshman in college?¡± His smooth Casanova Carrero voice eases over her and I literally want to throat punch him. He¡¯s in flirt mode, I can just tell by his entire manner. I suppress the urge to openly re at him, pushing the magazine open to another page aggressively. ¡°Umm, yes, Jake.¡± She rolls his name on her tongue as seductively as she can. I look up seeing Arrick shaking his head in amusement and it only angers me more. Isn¡¯t this his girlfriend? This girl, practically spreading her legs for my boyfriend to bang her? My rage ignites and I get up and storm off toward the house. I need to get out of this sundress and into something that Jake will take notice of. I reel as I notice he doesn¡¯t follow me. Hurt and anger battling one another, I catch that smug look in his eye as I nce back. All part of his little game, he thinks he can make my jealousy work against me, so I¡¯ll cave and beg him toe make love to me. I think not. I lift my chin defiantly. * * * In the room, I pull out all of my clothes and rage when I can¡¯t locate a bikini at all. I hadn¡¯t packed for a weekend in the Hamptons and have nothing that will turn his head at neck breaking speed. Looking through, the only thing I can find is my running clothes and I chuck them down in dismay. I get up and stomp out of the room, feeling more than a little annoyed and run into the girlfriend one of the cousins. Alessandra. She¡¯s a swimwear model with a body to die for and a heavy Italian ent. ¡°Ahh, hello, Emma? Right?¡± She smiles warmly, a towel draped over her arm and a sun lotion bottle in her hand. She¡¯s heading back down and looking devastatingly sexy in her own ck molded two piece. ¡°Yes ¡­ Hi ¡­ You wouldn¡¯t have a spare bikini, would you? I didn¡¯t pack for this.¡± Iugh shyly and see the sparkle in her eye. ¡°Of course, I always pack many. Come with me, I have something so perfect for you.¡± She smiles and turns, leading me back to her room with a sexy catwalk thrust. I can¡¯t help but be awed by this sexual being swaying in front of me. She has the body of a woman who works out religiously and eats only organic bagged fresh air. * * * Chapter 172 Chapter 172 ¡°You don¡¯t think it looks skimpy and kind of slutty?¡± I evaluate myself in the mirror in the smallest red two piece I¡¯ve ever seen and feelpletely self-conscious. I¡¯m not against a bikini, Jake¡¯s seen me in them plenty of times, but this is borderline indecent. Somehow, while still covering all the necessary areas it has managed to lift up and push my cleavage into something most impressive, my stomach and hips look longer and leaner when edged with the low-cut briefs which seem to sculpt my lower half too. She has put me in high heeled red sandals toplete the look and my legs look endless. ¡°Trust me, it suits you very much.¡± She gushes,ing behind me and tucking my hair back from my face before applying a little bronzer to my cheeks and between my breasts. ¡°You have gorgeous body ¡­ You work out? I think you should keep it, suits you much more.¡± Her heavily ented English is almost sensual, and I¡¯m swayed by her purring praise. ¡°Sort of ¡­ And thank you.¡± I blush;tely all my work outs have been at Jake¡¯s hands but before that I did used to run and keep fit so I¡¯m toned and bikini ready. I just feel majorly underdressed. ¡°You look perfect, keep Jake on his toes, huh, with all those man eyes on that derri¨¨re.¡± She tweaks my breast unabashedly before turning and walking out with a confident air, my face ming from herck of inhibition and I follow reluctantly. I stupidly confessed to her that Jake and I were having a little bet and she grinned with the wise words, ¡°All is fair in love and war,¡± before digging out this red number for me to wear. She has that same wicked glint in her eye I¡¯ve seen on Jake many a time and it¡¯s hard to not think of this one as his cousin rather than her boyfriends. Getting back to the pool with a towel over my arm, I lift my chin defiantly, I can work this and make it look like I would wear something this revealing every day. Jake¡¯s engrossed in conversation with two men, Cara has been moved to a chair with Arrick nearby and all eyes turn as we approach. One of the men nudges him in the shoulder and nods toward me. Jake¡¯s face literally drops when he sees me, and he mps his mouth shut with a frown. I walk past him with a smile and follow Alessandra to the loungers across from the pool. Smiling only briefly at him in passing, as if he were no more than an acquaintance. Eat that, Jake. Gettingfortable slowly and surely, aware his attention is on me from afar, the girl asks me to rub lotion on her back with a wicked smile. I can feel his eyes boring into me without looking, every one of my senses on high alert and goose bumps littering my skin. ¡°You want men to be hot for you, baby girl?¡± She whispers seductively. ¡°Then take my lead, rub me good, yeah.¡± She hands me suntan oil and rolls onto her stomach untying her bikini at the back and encouraging me gently. Feeling brave, I stand up and slide beside her onto the lounger so I¡¯m leaning over her and slowly and deliberately start to take small amounts of oil and cover her naked skin. Far enough to not be heard by the men, she gives me direction, enjoying this little chance to tease our menfolk. I know one of the boys sitting with Jake is his cousin, Gino, her current beau and judging by the nces from them our little ploy has not gone unnoticed. They can barely keep the conversation flowing or control the looking over. ¡°Men are easy, Emma,¡± she says huskily, watching me from her tilted head on the cushion. ¡°They think everything is sex, sex, sex ¡­ As a woman, you can make them think it is.¡± She giggles huskily, a strangely seductive sound and encourages me to massage the oil lower. ¡°I think Jake¡¯s on the verge of taking a cold shower.¡± I giggle as I notice him shift position more than once in his seat. He¡¯sid a magazine on hisp and seems to be struggling with his facial expressions. I can¡¯t decide if he wants to punch someone ore over and strip me. ¡°Want to really make him squirm?¡± She sits up, pulling her bikini back and quickly tying it before turning onto her back and sitting up. ¡°Your turn, bambina ¡­ See men they like to see their women being touched. Gino¡¯s fantasy is to see me fuck a girl ¡­ I¡¯m not into girls but teasing him is fun.¡± She gets up, pushing me down on the lounger onto my back and immediatelyes to straddle me, her small pelvis resting over mine in apletely awkward manner. I take a quick breath and hold it. Sexual disy makes me feel unbelievably ufortable even when it¡¯s from a woman. Well, unless it¡¯s Jake, he seems to have cured me of any inhibitions when ites to him. She drizzles oil on her hands and begins working it onto my skin across the exposed part of my stomach and up onto my exposed cleavage, grinning at me because she¡¯s facing away from them enough not to be seen. From their angle, they can see her hands working me over, her face concealed by her hair. ¡°What they doing now?¡± She smiles innocently. ¡°Breaking necks to see what you¡¯re doing.¡± I giggle and witness Jake almost topple off his lounger at the angle he¡¯s leaned over. He rights himself, moving to stand and pulls shades over his eyes in an effort to coolly cover it. I can tell by the way he starts adjusting his shorts that he¡¯s having a hard time. Literally. ¡°Turn over, bambino.¡± She whispers and moves up, so I can flip. I gasp as she smacks me lightly on the ass before tending to my back in the same way I had to hers. The bikini loosens as she unties it and I close my eyes, trying to rx and enjoy the feeling of her gentle hands. I freeze as her body comes down on top of mine, her feet pushing my legs apart to nestle against my butt and starts nuzzling my neck softly. Her breath on my skin. I stiffen at the contact and immediately pull out from under her, pulling my bikini with me to stay concealed. It¡¯s beyond ufortable and I¡¯m barely keeping the panic under control. ¡°Aww, bambino ¡­ too much? You will be thanking me in a second.¡± I don¡¯t get a chance to respond as Jake is over me in an instant, pulling my hand and barely giving me a chance to tie my bikini. His focus is dark and piercing, his manner agitated, and he seems to be oozing sexual tension. My heart rate skips up a gear. He¡¯s so easy! ¡°Wow, wait!¡± I yelp, aware I¡¯m losing my scrap of fabric, he stops, turning to see me clutching it across my breasts and turns me to tie it. ¡°I need you toe with me, we need to be alone ¡­ Right now!¡± He rasps in my ear huskily and yanks me with him away from the poolside gathering, eyes lifting in curiosity as he practically hauls me at speed. I¡¯m not sure if he¡¯s angry or craving sex but either way his body is radiating enough hot energy to power a. There¡¯s a ripple of apprehension and I try to gauge if this is sex mad Jake or green- eyed jealous Jake. Surely not jealous over a woman? We barely get out of sight behind a building close to the house when he yanks me around, pushes me against the wall and crushes a kiss on me so hard it catches my breath. His mouth devours mine in a frenzy of passion and need and I surrender weakly. His hands yank my bikini down under my breasts to ravage me, lifting me up so I¡¯m around his waist and pushing me so hard into the wall behind I¡¯m practicallypressed. His obvious desire is bursting from his damp swim shorts, his hands iming me carelessly as though he¡¯s lost all sense of gentleness. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. This is who I wanted. He grinds into me, kissing every ounce of rejection and defense away before moving to my breast and sucking my nipples to attention. Ovee with a sense of triumph, celebration at how easy this win was I lower all defenses. Mentally thanking Alessandra and trying my hardest not to moan out loud. The growing heat inside of me is throbbing manically for release as his hands bite into my skin under my butt, his fingers of one hand slide further under the edge of my bikini pants and slide into me. Finding me more than ready he groans into my mouth. He drops me to my feet, pulling his hands away and turns me against the buildings smooth cream wall roughly, forcing me to brace my hands against it. He has one hand on my breast, his mouth against my neck, his other hand finds its path back inside of me under my bikini panties and starts pushing in and out from the back. I¡¯m moaning and grinding into his palm, eyes screwed shut so I can get lost in the sensations. I can¡¯t control the build of waves that he always effortlessly begins in me, he¡¯s hard against me yet doesn¡¯t escte to sex, just fingers and mouth on my skin bringing me closer. Chapter 173 Chapter 173 ¡°Is that good, baby?¡± He growls into my ear, breathless and hot. His voice doing as much to me as his hands and I tremble under his power. ¡°Uh, mmmmm huh.¡± I moan, equally breathless as he slowly tortures me with his fingers, his other hand skillfully teasing my nipple. I¡¯m so wet I can feel it throbbing and sliding effortlessly. My hands braced on the building, which is scratching slightly under my smooth palms, unable to do anything except surrender to him with legs wide apart. His hard body molded to mine while those wicked hands pleasure me deeply. ¡°You want to cum like this?¡± He pushes against me again, showing me how turned on he is. His strong naked torso against my own naked skin, that in itself causing a wave of sensation. I¡¯m so lost to him it¡¯s pathetic. ¡°Mmmm, hmmmmm.¡± Is the only answer I can give, unable to talk as I move back against him, the building pleasure soaring through me, making my body tingle and nipples ache. He continues to probe and slide into me, feeling me start to tighten around him, his kisses tracing my neck and shoulders slowly and seductively. I moan and writhe as I start to climb, the orgasm merely seconds away and my legs trembling with the threat of giving outpletely. I breathe harder, my moaning pitching as it comes closer and closer to the almost brink, the internal building and tingles coursing through me, legs turning to Jell-O and insides tingling in anticipation, my whole body heating and vibrating. ¡°Pity we made that little deal then huh?¡± His voice changes like night from day and his hand pulls out of me fast, letting me go to sag against the building in outrage. All sensations cutting off like being dunked in ice water in a sh. It takes a moment to recover from the ecstasy of what he was doing, and I turn on him, faced with smugness andplete control on his face. He looks like the cat who got the cream. I stare in open-mouthed disbelief. ¡°Denying a woman an orgasm when she¡¯s as close to it as you, baby, is almost torture.¡± He grins, leaning out to yank up my bikini to cover my breasts and turns to walk away while adjusting himself in his shorts. ¡°I rmend a change of outfit, Emma, you¡¯re not really concealing how much you want to be fucked right now.¡± With a wink he adjusts this manhood once more and walks off toward the house without a backward nce. I erupt into a violent spew of curse words and anger, turning the air blue; if I had something to throw at him then I would. Unable to control the internal wave of anger and sexual frustration and just letting rip with no cares as to who can hear me. He¡¯s right in a way he didn¡¯t even mean. Stopping when I was so close to the brink makes me crazy mad and I storm after him yanking his arm, so he faces me. ¡°What the fuck?¡± I yell at him, concealed by palm trees from the pool so no one can see us. I don¡¯t even care if they can hear us right now, I¡¯m that pissed off. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°You agreed to this game, Emma ¡­ Think you can y out some little lesbian fantasy scene with Alessandra and I¡¯ll what? Come begging to have sex? I told you, baby ¡­ We¡¯re not matched in this; I¡¯ve been around a lot more than you have. I was just reminding you of that little fact.¡± He leans down, kissing me chastely on the corner of my mouth and moves off again. Smugness personified over that face of his. I literally have no words at all. No retorts or violent outbursts, just complete speechlessness, and the urge to hit him over the head. I march into the house and throw him a re as he nestles himself down at the breakfast bar, ignoring the overly pleased grin across his face. I walk past to the stair and run for our room inplete rage. So many emotions racing through my head I think I may selfbust in a grand fashion. * * * Even the icy st from the shower doesn¡¯t help alleviate the burning ache inside of me, he¡¯s never left me mid-orgasm before and it¡¯s agony. Every part of me crying for release and I even consider finishing the job myself. I don¡¯t though. Maybe that¡¯s what he wants ¡­ I can¡¯t forget how maniptive he can be when he sets his mind on something and I won¡¯t give him the satisfaction. I shower quickly and then storm into the room to start getting dressed for him. He wants seduction? Then he¡¯ll get seduction. I packed enough lingerie for this trip to see me through a week, he likes to rip enough of it off me and I¡¯ve a newcy, see-through set that I bought for bed that he hasn¡¯t seen yet. A tight see-through underdress and ckce I ordered online as a surprise to rile my sexy man up in all his aggressive fury. We shall see, Carrero! Chapter 174 Chapter 174 I finally appraise myself in the mirror, smoky eyed make-up, and full red lips wless. Killer blush on my perfectly made up face. My see-through under dress over ckce lingerie which has pushed and perked everything up. High cut lines and seductive contouring making my body look awesome. I topped it all off withce edge top ck stockings, suspenders, and a look on my face of pure unadulterated lust. I slide my feet into the ck stilettos I take everywhere, like a security nket; and spritz perfume on across my bulging cleavage. This underwear does me wonders so I spill seductively, straining breasts above the low cut of the dress and I bronze between them to enhance them some more. Can always use a little extra help. The panties are a thong that shows clearly under the shimmering dress, everything made for seduction and I¡¯m mighty pleased with myself. Look at you go, girl. I pick up my phone with a smile. I¡¯ve been up here for about an hour and a half now, there isn¡¯t much time before dinner tonight. Most of thepany get changed into formal attire to eat, ording to Sylvana. So, if I ask him toe zip me up then he will just assume I¡¯m dressing for dinner. I text him and wait, standing in the center of the room, my blonde hair extra wild and falling over one eye, one hand on my hip as I pose. I need your assistance in zipping up my dress for dinner, and your opinion as to whether I¡¯m underdressed. xxx My dress for dinner isid across the bed and if I fail at my before dinner seduction then it will easily pull over what I¡¯m wearing, leaving him a clear image throughout the meal. The dress for dinner is one of his favorites, ssy, ck, and tight. I¡¯m betting on seeding and skipping dinner altogether though. He walks in after a few minutes, adjusting a cufflink and pauses, faced with me standing sexily, legs apart and hands on hips, jutting out my bust toward him with a look of ¡®fuck me¡¯ on my face. He regards me up and down, slowly, and physically changes into immediate apprehension as I see the confidence waver in his eye. I¡¯ve at least thrown him, so I give myself brownie points for that. He moves past me, his eyes unable to tear free, saying nothing but goes and picks my dress off the bed and holds it out to me at a distance. His face is such a picture of confusion it makes me inwardly smile. ¡°Maybe I need help putting it on.¡± I bite my lip seductively and his mouth parts in response, he sighs heavily. Those green eyes are dark and heavy, he can¡¯t conceal his longing from me. Casanova Carrero where have you gone? He looks almost nervous, like a tongue-tied teen. I¡¯m waiting on him, starting to fumble with the dress, he looks ready tobust. He¡¯s never met overly sexual and forward Emma. I¡¯m kind of liking her. Was it really only five minutes ago that all sex abhorred me, and I kept everyone at a firm distance? Look at me now. ¡°Sure.¡± He swallows hard and opens up the dress to find the shoulders, he holds it up, looking how to drape it on me. He¡¯s already changed into a dark shirt and pants, looking devastating as always with freshly styled hair and I wonder when he came in here to get a change of clothes. Possibly when I was showering. He walks forward, lowering the dress so he can hold it open for me to step into, his eyes skimming me achingly as he pulls it up my body and over the tight mesh dress, keeping his hands away from touching me. He doesn¡¯t trust himself to touch me. Strike two. It¡¯s only being this close that I can hear his breathing is a lot shallower than normal, his eyes fully dted and almost ripping my clothes off mentally. I give myself a little internal apuse. Leaning forward smoothly as he gets to face height, I open my lips mere millimeters from him, seeing him stop. He doesn¡¯t move just waits, anticipating my kiss. Eyes heavily focused on my mouth, every muscle in his face pausing and waiting and that overwhelming lust radiating from his expression. I tilt my head, breathe on his soft mouth gently and linger achingly close, inhaling him and heating up with his closeness. It makes me ache so badly and my fingers are almost itching to touch him. I swear he holds his breath for a moment, his head moving forward a touch as his desire to kiss me grows. I pull away with a smile. ¡°Don¡¯t want to ruin my lipstick.¡± I feign innocence, basking in the furrow of his brow as he pulls the dress the rest of the way up with attitude. His eyes narrow and he spins me, zipping me up a little forcefully and smacking me hard on my ass. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Ouch.¡± I yelp and move away from him quickly. The storm starts brewing in the delicious face and I can see his body stiffening, muscles tensing. ¡°Dinner is going to be interesting.¡± He growls huskily, and I can tell I have more than thrown him, he¡¯s possibly about to self-implode. ¡°Sure, you don¡¯t just want to sign the contract, and admit defeat, bambino?¡± He moves close to me this time, his mouth even closer than I dared. I shake my head as I watch him, eyes locking with mine, his hand trails up my legzily, skimming the tight dress until he grazes my breast and ignites the usual sizzling response in me. His hand, feather light, makes its way to my jaw until I¡¯m almost breathless with its journey. He pulls me forward for the softest kiss of my life, his lips barely brushing mine, moving into me further, teasing and grazing. His hand grazes along my jaw softly as his otheres to cup the other side. Soft and sensual kissing that¡¯s so in contrast to every signal he¡¯s sending off right now. Moving deeper into my mouth, he teases my lips open with the sheer strength of seduction, he kisses me gently, easing in slowly to a more passionate motion. His tongue slipping across my bottom lip and tentatively touching mine. As kisses go, he¡¯s never hit me with the expertise of this make out session. This is a different kind of assault, a new tactic with sheer softness. Within minutes he has me fully wrapped around him, dragging his arms to me to try and push the kiss further,pletely panting at how much he¡¯s turned me on in a matter of seconds. Still locked together, tongues still caressing, and lips molded together. I am so close to surrender. If he had a pen, I would sign the contract while still being kissed this way. Jake knows exactly how to weaken me, he doesn¡¯t even need words or his body, he could always do it with a kiss. Realizing that is exactly his n, I pull away sharply, heaving in air and trying to steady myself against him. He sucks in his bottom lip seductively, eyeing me with satisfaction, tasting me and smiles upon releasing it. His mouth stained with my red color. ¡°Your lipstick tastes good ¡­ Pity it now looks pretty fucked-up.¡± He lets go of me the way you would drop a piece of trash and smirks before walking off toward the door. That look of strike two on his face and I internally rage. Turning to the mirror faced the mess of my mouth and grit my teeth. This is because I refused to kiss him on grounds of my lipstick and now it¡¯s so smeared and smudged, I have no alternative but to wipe it off and start again, or just go without. He¡¯s made a mess of all of my make- up around my mouth. He grabs for tissues as he leaves, wiping off the berry shade evidence of his assault, with a whistle and a slight bounce to his walk. I just yed right into his hands for the second time. Asshole! He¡¯s just too damned good at this! My inner strength kicks in, aware he had me so close to giving in and he didn¡¯t even know it. Well, that was my one weak moment and from now on, I am going to strengthen my resolve. If he¡¯s ying dirty, then I have every intention of ying dirty too. Fight fire with fire. * * * Chapter 175 Chapter 175 Emerging twenty minutester, the stains reced with a sheer gloss instead, I make my way to the huge, opulent dining room and slide in beside him at the table amid the arrival of some of the others. He¡¯s using his phone andpletely ignores me. I bristle, knowing this isn¡¯t a normal Jake move but I¡¯m not going to let it get to me, I¡¯m going to act like I don¡¯t care at all and just sit down. I stop myself from looking at him, even though it¡¯s almost impulsive to eye up how gorgeous he always looks. As soon as everyone is seated, he puts his phone away, leans back on his chair and ces an arm across the back of mine while throwing me a triumphant look. I note that his father watches us from a distance at the head of the huge dark wood table and physically still. I have managed to avoid him until now, but dinner will be interesting. I get the distinct impression Giovanni is not all that enamored with his son hooking up with an employee from his own office. Especially a nobody with no fortune and a troubled past. ¡°You can still back out now, bambino, and we can just enjoy dinner and a lot of fun after.¡± Jake nudges me quietly,manding my attention, his eyes steady on my face. He drops his gaze to my mouth and smirks some more at theck of red lipstick. It only ignites that inner stubbornness. ¡°Why would I? You¡¯re obviously struggling, Jake, I¡¯m sure if it¡¯s too hard you can just admit defeat.¡± I smile sciously and turn my attention to my champagne ss, running my finger around the rim teasingly. He watches me with interest for a moment then gets up with a smile. ¡°I told Cara I would sit beside her tonight.¡± He smirks cruelly at me then saunters off to the seat beside the girl, receiving an award-winning smile from her. I almost inwardly curl up and tremble. Nausea and anxiety equally consuming my stomach and a tight gut-wrenching throb. Jealousy punching its way into my gut. What is he doing? Surely Jake would not do this to me for the sake of a stupid challenge? Arrick appears in the doorway and immediately sits next to me, greeting me with a warm hello and no sense of surprise at all. I try to smile but it doesn¡¯te naturally. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about Cara.¡± He leans into me conspiringly. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t know what to do with someone like Jake and he only has eyes for you, mia cara.¡± He nudges me with his shoulder and this time I smile genuinely, at his niceness and at the family trait of mixing English and Italian. Something they all seem to do. ¡°You¡¯re not worried if your girlfriend tries to run off with your brother?¡± I pout keeping my eyes away from Jake who¡¯s engrossed in his deep conversation with a devoted fan. Cara is almost salivating over him. Slut! ¡°Nah, Jake would never do that to me or you, besides Cara isn¡¯t my girlfriend, she¡¯s just a passing interest.¡± He studies my shocked face. ¡°I¡¯m more like my brother than you realize and, yes, he told me you two have some sort of bet going ¡­ Abstaining from sex until one of you breaks.¡± He winks and picks up his ss. ¡°I suggest you y him at his own game, Jake hates to lose but he does love the thrill of the challenge.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± I nce over, seeing Jake effortlessly sprawled in his seatmanding not only Cara¡¯s attention but the quiet brte that came with his other cousin too, both flutteringshes and smiling at him coquettishly. He¡¯s in full flirt mode, demanding adoration effortlessly. For god¡¯s sakes! ¡°You¡¯ve a table of virile young men to charm, and a face pretty enough to do it.¡± He pats my hand and sits back as his starter isid before him. I lean back as my te of asparagus spears, boiled egg, and hondaise sauce piled delicately on top is ced before me by one of the uniformed maids. I smile warmly at her and get one in return, catching Jake from the corner of my eye and seeing him thanking the girl who gave him his food. Stupidly, I smile internally and push it back down. ¡°I¡¯m not, Jake. Commanding the attention of men isn¡¯t my style.¡± I turn back to my dinner mate. Arrick is unaware that despite how I am with Jake, most men still make me feel ufortable. Arrick seems to be an exception and sitting with him now, I couldn¡¯t feel more at ease. I guess it¡¯s because he is enough like Jake to feel rxed around, something about him, much like his brother, makes you feel safe. ¡°You know Jake better than most, Emma ¡­ You know how to push his buttons and throw him off his game. Use what you know. It¡¯s obvious that you have an influence over him that no one can evene close to.¡± He smiles and tucks into his food while I sit and look at the te, pondering his words. Arrick is a wise one, he has that quick Carrero mind and that wless confidence. He is one to watch in coming years as hees into his own and manhood. Jake may have apetitor within the family business with this one. It''s true though; I knew Jake well enough to know a few things about him. One, that he can get insanely jealous and it¡¯s never a good route to take. I have already proven that more than once. Two, he¡¯s better than most people at games, seems to get a kick out of winning and can read people and situations with deathly speed. Three, when ites to me, he always takes care of me obsessively, that even when he¡¯s mad, he still can¡¯t help but be protective. I nce at him for a second, catching his eye as he eats and look away. A small n formting in my head. This has gone beyond a battle of sex, this has be a game of the upper hand, and if I have to y a low card like he¡¯s done with his ¡®sexpertize¡¯ already, then I will. My strong point isn¡¯t sex, it¡¯s Jake¡¯s inability to see me hurt or cry. His never-ending need to fix things for me. It¡¯s Jake¡¯s love for me that is his ultimate weakness. I soar with internal smugness at figuring this out, purring to myself confidently. I can¡¯t beat him at sex with my inexperience, but I can bend him with emotions. My emotions. Tucking into my food slowly I remain impassive and stare at my te as I mull it over. I know how to y this. PA Emma¡¯s cool emotionless outer shell always drove him crazy. I stay quiet through dinner, never looking at him, even though I can hear him flirting and trying his hardest to affect me, but I don¡¯t react. I don¡¯t want him to see that it¡¯s bothering me a lot because it brings him amusement to see my fiery green-eyed reaction, but I want him to feel it, feeling my emotions hits him differently. It brings out that need to fix it. So, my n to appear somber and un- chatty is put into ce. Jake will agonize over what I¡¯m thinking, I know him well enough to know that my obvious closed mood will worry him. Ites easily the longer it carries on and I start to feel tearful at his over-interest in the women around him, it¡¯s not hard to picture him as Casanova Carrero when I can hear it. Jealousy growing inside of me. With upsetes the ability to remain cool and devoid of any outward emotion at all. At first, he tries to up his game when I seem quiet but as the dinner wades on, I can feel his change in mood. The listless way he fidgets with his ss and cutlery, the small nces at me. He¡¯s tapping his fingers on the table and I listen to the almost uninterested tone in his voice as his dinner mates lose all interest to him. He¡¯s pre-upied. So in tune with me that my mood is seriously affecting him. I wonder if he¡¯s thinking of calling it quits and have to quell the surge of smugness from affecting my expression. I asionally converse with Arrick on my right and avoid all looks to my left, luckily the seat next to me is filled with a rather drunk elderly man who sits the entire night ying with his phone, a hand of ck jack on some online gambling site. He¡¯s some uncle or rtive that never seems to converse with anyone but is making a great barrier from Giovanni. I have a feeling he may be Jake¡¯s uncle, there is a slight resemnce to Giovanni. His body is blocking me from his view and letting me get through dinner without his interest swaying my way. Jake has spoken to him only in Italian and there seems to be a constant coolness between them. There are enough family between my seat and his, further up the table, that there is no need to converse with him at all. The whole table has been noisy throughout the meal, people throwing conversation at all angles and I only have to sit and listen. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. I sense Jake¡¯s eyes on me several times, but I resist all urges to even catch it. Twirling my hair, chewing my lip. I can¡¯t tell if it¡¯s getting to him or not in the way I want it to, unable to read anything from the corner of my eye. As dessert is handed out, I bepletely silent, gazing at his mother as she tells a story or listening quietly to those around me and never really engaging. I hope no one else is as attuned to me as him or else they all might think I¡¯m the most ignorant dinner guest of all time. I hope they just assume I am reserved and listening. Chapter 176 Chapter 176 I have to y this out if I¡¯ve any chance of beating him. Lifting my wine ss, the other hand tugging a strand of my hair, to wash down the cream cannelloni, I shiver with the smallest breeze behind me as someone passes and nce up expecting to see the maid. The elderly gentlemen walks by and leaves the room with a puce colored face and bored expression. Heat envelopes me as an armes around my shoulder unexpectedly and a firm hot mouth kisses me on the exposed skin. ¡°Hey, bambino ¡­ You okay?¡± that inner triumph sparks as Jake surrounds me with his heat and smell. Sitting in the recently evacuated seat next to me. I nce down, noting he¡¯s brought his ss of wine with him and push down the urge to beam in his presence, instead keeping my tone controlled and t. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± Just enough of a sigh to portray that I¡¯m not. I should get an Oscar for this. ¡°You want to go for a walk or go upstairs?¡± He sounds concerned, a hesitation in his voice that maybe he¡¯s pushed things too far. My little boy Carrero in full flow, so unsure and sweet. Don¡¯t melt at it, stay strong. ¡°No. I¡¯m good, thanks.¡± I keep my face turned from him and push the rest of my dessert around the te absentmindedly. I know it looks to him as though I¡¯m upset. ¡°You know I would never do anything, baby? I love you; I¡¯d never hurt you like that.¡± The tone in his voice betrays more than apprehension, he¡¯s trying to reassure me. He¡¯s back peddling this evening and my inner smugness rises up. I keep my expression nk and my exterior controlled. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°I know.¡± I smile tightly and pull away from him to get up, announcing I need to go to thedies¡¯ room and excuse myself quickly. Jake follows close behind me, catching me in the hall. ¡°Emma, wait.¡± He catches my arm, pulling me to him and encircles me with his arms. ¡°Baby, I¡¯m sorry, I shouldn¡¯t have behaved like this and made you feel this way. Look, can we just forget all of this, bambino? You know me. I would never do anything to make you leave me. Come upstairs and we can just go to bed early. Veg out and watch one of those trashy movies you love so much.¡± His narrowed brow and genuine concern make me melt and even feel slightly guilty. This is the guy I love to death, right here. This one with the beautiful green eyes and loving heart. ¡°You would do that for me?¡± I lower myshes and look away as though I¡¯m surprised he cares, and he falls for it hook, line, and sinker. ¡°Baby, it was just a game, a stupid game. I don¡¯t need the contract signed. I just need you.¡± He kisses me and wipes away all my resolve. His arms sliding around me firmly and pressing every inch of me against him. My inner body almost selfbusting. ¡°Take me upstairs, Jake.¡± I breathe into his mouth as his hands work down my curves, he doesn¡¯t need to be told twice and grabs my hand, leading the way. * * * Minutester he peels me out of my dress and under dress in the bedroom and pulls me down on top of him on the bed so I¡¯m straddling him in my lingerie and stockings. He leans up against the headboard, my shoes discarded on the floor with his and I kiss him full on while unbuttoning his shirt. The need for sex rising inside of me, his knees bent behind me, so it keeps me against him. His hands skate over the soft skin at my ass as he pulls me closer into his groin with a moan. The heat of our mouths together ignites, and he flips over so he¡¯s on top of me, my legsing around his waist and his hands running down the silkiness of my stockings hungrily, finding their way into thece of my thong. His mouth covers my neck and the swell of my breasts trying to burst out of my bra. I¡¯m panting and heaving as he devours me, grinding into me with his hardness, making me even more wanton than I was down at the pool earlier. The unquenched orgasm still lingering inside of me ready to be reignited and almost begging for him. We moan in unison as we grind together, and his handse up, lifting both of mine above my head in the way he seems to love holding me down. His fingers slide up my arms as his lips tease my cleavage mercilessly, fingers trailing all the way up to my wrists. I close my eyes and surrender to my master. There¡¯s a clink and a strange noise as cold metal encircles my wrist causing a startled yelp and I jerk my eyes open. My head snaps up at the direction of the noise and Jake pulls away, sitting back on his haunches with a satisfied smirk as I realize he¡¯s handcuffed me to the bed by one hand. I tug at it looking to him in confusion. ¡°I know when you¡¯re upset, Emma, and I know when you¡¯re trying to y me. Sweet dreams, baby ¡­ Only way I¡¯m sleeping next to you tonight is if your powerless to touch me.¡± He climbs off the bed and strolls to the bathroom, fully untucking his shirt and throwing it into a hamper by the door. ¡°What the hell, Jake?¡± I writhe and tug at the cold metal, trying to free my hand and ring at him angrily as it nks and digs into my skin. Inner rage igniting, torn between disbelief and sheer mortification that he would do this to me. ¡°Do you need a pen?¡± He asks mercilessly, turning away as I hurl abuse at him, rolling and trying to get free. ¡°No point in struggling, shorty, those ain¡¯ting off unless you rip that headboard off too, and before you ask, I borrowed them from Alessandra. Seems she¡¯s no loyalty to which side wins.¡± He walks into the bathroom and turns on the tap, brushing his teeth and leaving me leashed to this goddamn infernal bed. I manage to maneuver myself to my knees and sit up, pulling with all my might but it¡¯s no good. The biting pain in my wrist makes me give in long before the bed does, and I slump. Sitting down dejectedly, the rage rising inside of me crazily. He¡¯s always one step ahead. Always knows how to shut me down at every turn, even using Alessandra to borrow these cuffs as payback for my borrowing the bikini and her behavior. It¡¯s so typically him! Cold and calcted and bloody merciless. He has no qualms when it comes to winning; all that somber shit at dinner was an act. ying me for ying him. For fuck¡¯s sake! He finally walks out of the bathroom wearing sweatpants and smirks when he sees me. ¡°You can¡¯t sleep like that.¡± He slides onto the bed and pulls over a book from the bedside table, settling down to read it and flicking the TV onto a chick flick for me, pushing cushions behind him and getting comfy. ¡°You¡¯re really going to leave me like this?¡± I nche in disbelief, raising my hands in question ignoring the bite of the cuff again. The clunk of metal. ¡°If youy down and go to sleep, I¡¯ll maybe take it off when I¡¯m sure you¡¯re out cold.¡± He doesn¡¯t even look my way. Turns a page in his book and crosses his ankles. I feel like screaming at him or at least pping that book out of his stupid hand. I am beyond livid. ¡°Fine!¡± I snap, hauling back theforter and maneuvering inside of it awkwardly, I slide off my stockings one at a time and throw both at his face angrily. He doesn¡¯t react, just lets them fall down his shoulder and leaves them propped there with a satisfied smile on his face. ¡°Well, goodnight then.¡± I snort andy down so that my arm is held up above my head on the cushion, it¡¯s not wholly ufortable, it¡¯s just awkward. I huff and sigh and try to getfy, but I can¡¯t. The anger simmering inside of me is too much. ¡°Goodnight sexy.¡± He chuckles. Actually chuckles. Fuck you! ¡°You¡¯re a jerk,¡± I snap and turn away from him so I¡¯m leaning on my arm as a pillow. Close to tears with sheer frustration. ¡°Sadly, I am.¡± He jokes but doesn¡¯t move. ¡°All this over a stupid contract,¡± I mumble to no one in particr, rage seeping from every pore. ¡°Nope, all this over you issuing a challenge, miele. I stopped being interested in the contract the second I stopped looking at it.¡± the arrogance in his voice makes me bristle. ¡°Well, I take it back.¡± I smart and kick my feet back in an attempt to get him but being under the sheets and him on top means I achieve nothing except awkward wriggling. He doesn¡¯t even acknowledge it. ¡°Told you, sign it and we¡¯re done with this ¡­ That¡¯s the same as taking it back.¡± He sounds highly amused and I just want to stab him with my stiletto. ¡°Go to hell, I¡¯ll never sign it, just to show you what an asshole you are.¡± I pout, my voice high and childish. ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± He smacks my ass through the sheet and flicks off the bedroom lights, a soft thud of his book beingid down as he moves in the bed to getfy. I flinch at his breath on my back, meaning he¡¯sid on his side, facing me and I stiffen. The sound of some annoying love-based movie ying on the screen facing the bed. ¡°I guess you better get used to never having sex again.¡± I retort angrily. ¡°I think handcuffing your girlfriend to a bed just to break her will is unbelievably bad form.¡± heughs quietly at my rage and it only fuels it further. ¡°Asshole!¡± I jerk my body further into a ball to tell him not to touch me. ¡°Emma, I happen to think you¡¯re even sexier when you¡¯re this seething mad, definitely more amusing, baby. I know for a fact that if our rtionship has a sex ban ced on it, you¡¯ll be the first one to cave. Women need that physical connection to feel secure more than men do ¡­ If it¡¯s a game of waiting, then I¡¯ve more than enough patience.¡± He reaches out, running a finger down my spine and makes my body shiver in response. ¡°Besides, if I really wanted it, I could make you break so easily. I¡¯ve gone easy on you so far, baby ¡­ I¡¯m enjoying this way too much.¡± That voiceced withplete amusement makes me grit my teeth. ¡°Screw you.¡± I bite back angered more as he finds even that funny. The overwhelming fury building to a height where tears are starting to threaten. I should never y games with him; he always makes me feel so ¡­ Soooo ¡­ Alone. ¡°Soon enough, sweetheart ¡­ Now go to sleep.¡± He leans forward and kisses the back of my head before turning away and nestling away from me in the dark. Chapter 177 Chapter 177 Iy awake in the night with his body coiled around me possessively, his face buried in the back of my hair breathing soundly. My arm free of the restraint and only the sheets of the bed keeping me captive as he¡¯s still not got under theforter with me. I must have dosed off at some point and he¡¯d taken it off, but I can only remember turning and tossing until he switched off that damn movie. His arms are wrapped around my upper body and fingers entwined with mine, I sigh and rx into his hold, needing this to balm over the events of yesterday. I¡¯m too weak for this game, already that ache of insecurity threatening to engulf me at theck of his body joined with mine. He¡¯s right. I don¡¯t just need the sex though; I need the small things. The gestures and touches, the attentiveness and kindness too. All the things he deprives me of when he wants to win a stupid game. This helps though, that even in sleep he needs to cling to me and revives my will a tiny little bit, giving me a little inner strength. That stupid stubborn part of me, that inner teen Emma, who can¡¯t relinquish control, won¡¯t give into this challenge and let him win. Jake¡¯s too good at these games, he always wins, it¡¯s his mission in life to alwayse out on top. It¡¯s why he¡¯s a ferocious CEO and more than a match for his father, he just can¡¯t help it, it¡¯s in his nature to dominate at everything. Even though he¡¯s aid-back and easy-going kind of man, there¡¯s an inner alpha male dominance that shines through and shows face whenever pressed. I shiver as the thoughtes over me that maybe in this, I¡¯ve bitten off more than I can chew. If neither of us breaks, then what? Jake won¡¯t back down, it¡¯s not in his capabilities to do it. Will I? I¡¯m suddenly saddened by the fact that this game has turned into something more, a battle of the wills and feelings are starting to get bruised. My feelings are starting to get crushed. The knowledge that he doesn¡¯t need any emotional security to get through it, because emotionally he¡¯s stable while I¡¯m iling. Always that internal fear in me that this is only temporary for him. That he will see what I really am and get bored or just hurt me, the way everyone else did. That is his upper hand, not the sex alone. He is emotionally capable of ying this game because to him it is just that, harmless and thrilling. He has that inner confidence and self-assurance, he''s stable in my feelings for him and feels secure in our rtionship. I don¡¯t. He mumbles in his sleep and it makes me smile despite the turmoil of emotions brewing inside of me. His low sexy voice, husky as always, seems even more so, and I recognize my name among the garble of words he whispers into my hair. He shiftszily, his arm letting go of my fingers anding across my upper chest, pulling me closer to him. His face and mouthing down to bury into my neck and warm me with his return to steady breathing. He mutters ¡®love you, bambino¡¯ almost silently under his breath and I melt. I let my fingers trail his muscr arm, the light feathering of hair across that perfect olive skin, surprisingly light considering his dark hair and Italian coloring, but then he is overall not a particrly hairy man and the amount of time he spends in the sun probably bleaches away most of the darkness. I trace my fingers over the symbols tattooed along his arm almost reaching his wrist. A long straight row of ck ink, possibly Arabic, maybe Buddhist and wonder at what they mean in the early dusk light. I have never asked him about his tattoos or the meaning of each, or why such a weakness for symbols and tribal patterns. I close my eyes to try to return to sleep but find it near impossible, that sudden urge to cry envelopes me again and for no reason at all it springs on me from nowhere. Maybe it¡¯s the calm gentle way I¡¯m being held and being able to steal genuine moments of affection with no games, maybe it¡¯s how lonely he made me feel yesterday by his distance andmitment to winning. Before I know it, I¡¯m breaking my heart, face wet with tears and trying to be silent; trying not to move despite my racking sobs. My heart breaking without any good reason to. I curl up into the fetal position on my side to try to quiet it, try to hide it. ¡°Baby?¡± His voicees at me through my pain, his arms tightening slightly. ¡°Emma, baby, what is it?¡± His body moves so he¡¯s leaning over me, trying to see my face but I only bury the evidence of my sadness into my palms and try to hide from him. ¡°N ¡­ N ¡­ Nothing.¡± I stammer out amid painful tears, gut-wrenching and pain so sharp inside of me I can barely breathe. ¡°Emma, this isn¡¯t nothing ¡­ Hey ¡­¡± He pulls me toward him so I¡¯m on my back in the crook of his arms and tries to tug my hands away. ¡°Is this about yesterday? Emma, you know none of it¡¯s serious. Baby, talk to me.¡± He sounds different, huskiness from sleep and gentle concern mixed to make him sound devastating, it makes me cry more. I can¡¯t answer and finally he tugs my hands down, bringing his nose to mine. ¡°Baby ¡­ You know I love you more than life. Don¡¯t do this. I hate seeing you cry.¡± He runs a hand across my face gently and wipes some of the tears away. Realizing just how tear stained I am, he slides out of bed, flicks on themp, and grabs a box of tissues before hauling me against him again. I take a few, unable to meet his eyes and wipe my face, only to let fresh tears roll from my eyes. ¡°I¡¯m calling an end to this. Seriously this time.¡± He sighs and pulls me against him hard. ¡°Nothing is worth this.¡± He kisses me then, not forceful, or passionate but needily, his mouth taking mine and pushing all the emotion he can muster into kissing me intensely. I kiss him back hungrily, needing him more than air right now. It¡¯s as though he¡¯s trying to push away my heartbreak and I¡¯m clinging onto him. Pulling back, he stays nose to nose, his fingers tracing my face and finally I sniff back the newest tears. Gulping down an onught of more. ¡°Talk to me.¡± He pleads, his eyes never leaving mine. ¡°It kills me to see you this way, bambino.¡± ¡°I miss you.¡± Is the only thing I can force out and it¡¯s true, in only a day Jake feels a million miles away from me, my security shaky in the name of a game, and the carpet ripped out from under me in ways I don¡¯t even understand. He groans regretfully. ¡°Baby, I¡¯ve never left you.¡± He kisses me harder this time, sliding over me to cover my body with his, impatiently he yanks the sheets from between us, so he can mold himself to me. I¡¯m still in the ck lingerie and he¡¯s in sweatpants. His handse to my wrists pulling them to the sides of my head as he pushes himself up, still connected to my mouth but shifting so his body and mine be wrapped up sexily, my legs automatically wrapping around his hips. His mouth is hungry for me and kisses me so thoroughly I¡¯m left panting. ¡°No more games, Emma. I can¡¯t do this to you anymore.¡± The steel in his voice reassures me and I surrender to him in every way possible. Jake makes love to me slowly and tenderly until my body is beyond exhausted. His hands cover every inch of my skin as though they¡¯ve been starved for an eternity, fromck of my touch. His passion brims under the surface, threatening to break free, staying harnessed so that he can look into my eyes while taking me. I¡¯ve experienced gentleness from him many times, but this is beyond anything I knew him capable of. His mouth soft and fluttering on my face and lips, his hands light and gentle. For the first time, I know exactly how it feels to be made love to and Jake is wiping away every ounce of pain and insecurity with every second. Despite its low-key motion, and theck of fiery passion, he makes me climax spectacrly, twice, before finding his own release and covering me with kisses. Laid in the crook of his arms I¡¯m sated, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. ¡°Feel better, neonata?¡± He kisses my ear, his arm across my neck and hand buried in my hair, cupping my scalp on the opposite side, holding my face to his. ¡°Much.¡± I blush and turn into him, nuzzling closer at his affection. ¡°I can¡¯t stand seeing you cry.¡± He moves to my temple, kissing me firmly, our bodies still entwined. ¡°Makes me feel like someone rammed a poker straight into my chest.¡± His confession sends a bittersweet knot of pain through my heart. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°Maybe I should feel victorious.¡± I sigh. ¡°Jake Carrero threw in the towel while he was ahead.¡± I nce up at him with a shy smile, he smiles back. ¡°I knew the second I saw you crying, baby, that I was never ahead, winning should nevere at that cost.¡± He presses his forehead to me and frowns. ¡°I guess you found my Achilles heel. Lesson well learned.¡± ¡°I learned that I¡¯ll never be a match for you.¡± I pout in jest, but he only shakes his head and moves a hair from my cheek. A small, intimate motion that makes me wants him so much more. His eyes grazing my face as he lifts strands of my wild waves away. ¡°You¡¯ve no idea how crazy you were making me. I was losing badly, I couldn¡¯t stand to touch you for long or I would have folded, so I tried to keep my distance instead.¡± His mouth lifts at one corner, a self- defeated smile of sorts. ¡°Maybe I just should have held out after all.¡± I reflect with a cheeky smile on my face, he bites his lip, his eyes moving to my mouth and grins. ¡°You almost had me so many times, that sexy set up when I walked in here ¡­ Jesus, Emma. I almost came in my pants, you¡¯ve no idea the restraint that took. Why do you think I got away from you at dinner?¡± He grins at me and brings his eyes back to mine, light green and clear. ¡°To make me jealous!¡± I pout again, throwing him a haughty re. ¡°Neonata, I knew if I sat next to you picturing what was under that dress, I was going to end up banging you on the table in front of my family. I couldn¡¯t keep my eyes off you through the entire meal, I don¡¯t think I ate anything.¡± He brushes his mouth against mine with the gentlest of kisses. ¡°You¡¯re a jerk ¡­ You had me believing I had zero effect on you.¡± I smile as his fingers move down my naked cleavage and starts circling my nipple, bringing it to immediate attention. His focus most definitely honed in on what he¡¯s doing. ¡°I¡¯ve been a walking hard-on since you issued the challenge.¡± He leans down and kisses the swell of my breast before turning back to me with a wicked glint. ¡°I know I said no more games, baby, but I¡¯ve other ns for those handcuffs and I¡¯m pretty sure it¡¯s a game you¡¯ll like.¡± He leans in fast, kissing me hard and I know before he even slides his hand under the sheet to my warm hot core that he will find no resistance. Chapter 178 Chapter 178 Lounging in between Jake¡¯s legs on the huge sofa in the family room feels amazing after the events of the day before, my head against his chest as he concentrates on a document in his hand and strokes my hair and neck with the other. I¡¯m attempting to read a book, but the sheer blissfulness of our morning has me daydreaming idly instead. Every so often he nts a kiss on top of my head before turning his papers and silently focusing back on work; he¡¯s reading through contracts for something I¡¯ve no idea about. When did this happen? When did I be so disconnected from the business side that I don¡¯t even know what Jake¡¯s reading through anymore? I realize it doesn¡¯t bother me at all, I likeying here detached from work while he still keeps tabs on things going on in his empire. I¡¯m in danger of bing a kept girlfriend at this rate and I¡¯m not sure how I feel about it right now. The maides in a little after ten and leaves us a fresh tray of coffee and bagels. We were up early for breakfast, revived, even with ack of sleep. Both in the happiest of moods and yful, tickling, and y fighting as we walked through the house. Jake sighs heavily. ¡°This is the agreement with Marissa.¡± He strokes my face again as he feels me tense up. ¡°I called the legal team and requested a new meeting to discuss the DNA test and some other minor details in the draft Marissa¡¯swyer sent me.¡± I curl around to my side, so I can look up at him, he smiles when we lock eyes. That beautiful face. ¡°You look rxed today.¡± Leaning down he kisses my nose bringing out a smile in me, despite his mention of her. ¡°I feel it.¡± I sigh and tug the corner of his document held slightly to the side. ¡°What details?¡± I remind him of his topic. He sighs heavily. ¡°I¡¯m refusing to fly to LA every month for sses. She¡¯s nomitments like I do, it makes more sense if she relocates to New York until after the birth. That way I can fit her into my schedule and not vice versa.¡± I look at the paper rather than at him, aware how much it still aches to talk about this and swallow it down. I know he has to go to LA again soon for the first of the maternity meets, but with things still in limbo he¡¯s refused to do anything until this is settled. My hatred for her never ceases to eat at me. ¡°Why is she making this more awkward?¡± I ask finally once I have my emotions fully under control. ¡°Marissa likes to think she¡¯s in control, she likes to y stupid games.¡± I watch his mouth and inwardly nche. I wonder if Marissa¡¯s games were the start of Jake¡¯s need to always have the upper hand. He has no idea how ironic his statement is. ¡°She wants you to jump through hoops and agree to anything she decides?¡± I push my other thoughts away. Trying so hard tomit to talking about this; he obviously wants to. ¡°I guess ¡­ She doesn¡¯t know me very well then does she, bambino?¡± He winks at me and despite myself, I smile. It¡¯s true, she¡¯s no idea what she ising up against in him. He isn¡¯t a fifteen-year-old boy anymore and if she hasn¡¯t really known him as he grew up then she is about to get a rude awakening. Jake will wipe the floor with you, sweetie! ¡°No, she doesn¡¯t.¡± I admit with a degree of somberness which makes him frown at me, he leans down giving me an almost upside-down kiss on the mouth, sticking his tongue in unexpectedly and then licking my chin yfully. I squeal in disgust and wriggle to get free, trapped in his muscr arm. He nibbles my cheek before releasing me and hauling me up against him from where I slid down. Grinning at me. Despite the shitty topic of conversation, he¡¯s been yful all morning and that little maneuver just one of many simr since dawn. He''s in affection overdrive to make up for yesterday. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°I¡¯m done with negotiating with her, most of her demands are in stupid ¡­ She¡¯s acting like a woman in a rtionship.¡± He closes the papers and throws them onto a nearby table with a dramatic inhale. ¡°It¡¯s not even close to what I¡¯ll agree to.¡± ¡°I thought you sorted things out when you flew out there?¡± I nestle my head in his neck again, a little less likely to run and hide with the topic being opened again, adamant I need to try to face this. Knowing how he really feels about all of it has helped me, taken some of the sting out of it. Or maybe I am just starting to get used to the idea that this is happening after all. ¡°We did, to an extent ¡­ The basics were agreed on. Marissa keeps adding demands anytime we get close to signing and now she wants me to spend a weekend a month in her condo with her, going to maternity and parenting sses. Plus, an additional day, every two weeks, going to some bonding shit so that we will work together for the sake of the baby. I don¡¯t know what she¡¯s been smoking but she can forget it.¡± He wraps both arms around me tightly and squeezes me hard. ¡°Sounds like she just wants excuses to have you with her.¡± I pout jealously, anger overtaking me and filling my stomach with a heavy knot of hatred. ¡°Well, she can try.¡± He lifts me up, sliding his legs under me so I¡¯m sitting on him instead, my head just slightly higher than his. I open my legs to sit morefortably on top of him, still being spooned by his body. ¡°Are you going toe with me this time?¡± his serious tone and despite really trying to agree, I shake my head. I still can¡¯t do this. He sighs but says nothing. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I whisper, leaning my head back against his cheek, heavy with overwhelming guilt but I just can¡¯t, it¡¯s still too soon, too raw for me. ¡°I understand, bambino ¡­ If it were a role reversal, I wouldn¡¯t be able to handle it either.¡± He hugs me tight before getting up and sliding me onto the couch. ¡°I need to go make some calls; I¡¯ll be in our room if you want me.¡± He leans down and kisses me on the mouth before turning and lifting a coffee and a bagel. ¡°Go roam the gardens or take a swim, no one shows face until noon around here on weekends.¡± He walks off and throws me back a smile with a glint of wicked in it. ¡°Or maybee see me in a little while and I¡¯ll upy you.¡± With a wink he¡¯s gone, and I¡¯m left toy back on the cream plush settee and stretch out like a satisfied cat. * * * I end up taking a walk in the gardens and gazing at the view of the distant shoreline visible from the Carrero home. It¡¯s peaceful and sunny despite thete season, the view is so beautiful and calming. I¡¯m surprised to hear footsteps lightlying up behind me and turn in curiosity, a smile breaking across my face as Sophiees running toward me at full pelt with a massive grin on her face. Turning with complete joy I grin right back and am soon met with the crushing hug of an overexcited teenager. ¡°Oh, my god, it¡¯s so good to see you again.¡± She gushes, looking every bit the pampered and tanned socialite, a far cry from the skinny tomboy in oversized clothes of weeks ago. My heart swells at the sight of her. ¡°You look so healthy and happy.¡± I hold back the emotions that threaten up inside of me, hugging her back with equal force. Tears brimming in my eyes; she looks so good it¡¯s painful. Happiness bursting out of me in every direction. That tawny hair is highlighted and silky in a plumper face, deliciously tanned, and sporting hints of make-up. ¡°I can¡¯t ever thank you and Jake enough for the way my life has turned out, Emma. I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re actually here. I almost died of happiness when I got Jake¡¯s text.¡± She releases me, raking me over with appreciation, obvious she can see the change in me just like everyone else. ¡°I¡¯m happy to hear you¡¯re doing so well here, Sophie. I must say, you lookpletely different.¡± I lift her hand and make her twirl under my arm, all skinny jeans and ttering sparkly T-shirt with a cheeky logo, her body fuller from a better living, losing the unhealthy gauntness of Chicago. Chapter 179 Chapter 179 ¡°Likewise.¡± She giggles and hugs me again for added measure, her energy infectious and soon we¡¯re walking along, hand in hand, catching up with anything we forgot to add in our emails to each other. Sophie is infectious, her happiness brimming over into every word and mannerism and I can see Le¡¯s influence in the quirky Converse with animal printces and the sparkling diamantes on her jeans. Le always liked a little bit of showiness. We make our way back to the main house, lost in easy conversation. ¡°There she is!¡± Jake¡¯s deep tone catches us both and she beams at him, she doesn¡¯t, however, close the gap between them, the way she did with me and it¡¯s the first time I see she has that same distance with males that afflicts me. It causes me a moment of pain. A flicker of heartache for her. Jake strides forward, giving her a light hug quickly before releasing her and scooping forward to nt a kiss on me. He unashamedly makes me blush with the sheer passion in its brief touch. ¡°Well look at you two nowadays.¡± Sophie giggles with open eyed wonder. ¡°Nice to see that you finally stopped fighting it and just got around to giving her a good kiss.¡± Sheughs as I throw a jab at her shoulder and she ducks away. ¡°What are you? All of fourteen?¡± I giggle, affected by her youthful fun so easily. ¡°Can I just point out, I never fought it.¡± Jake¡¯s smiles, the face of a boy trying to earn points. ¡°I always tried like a bear.¡± He slides an arm around my shoulders,ing beside me, his other hand in his pocket. Sophie regards him thoughtfully and smiles with maturity. ¡°Thing is, with girls like us ¡­ Sometimes it takes a lot to trust people. We need the ones who try like a bear to get in.¡± She throws me a bashful look and we pass a smile of solidarity. A blush rising on Sophie¡¯s face that hints at a double meaning, but I let it slide. Jake says nothing but kisses me on the temple; no exnation required. He definitely is someone who tried like a bear. ¡°So, who¡¯s ready for lunch, because I¡¯m starving?¡± He cuts in with good humor after a few seconds and is delighted to get two very strong ¡°Me¡¯s¡±. * * * Sophie is easily integrated into the Carrero family lunch, it¡¯s obvious that she¡¯s a frequent visitor with the Huntsberger family home being a mere walk away from here. Sylvana clucks over her like a mother hen and family and friends pull her into easy conversation on topics they seem to already know about. Arrick slides her in beside him through lunch and it¡¯s easy to see the rapport they have already built, her hesitation absent at his touch. A very brotherly Arrick watching over her the way Jake did for me. I wonder if he¡¯s Sophie¡¯s ¡®bear¡¯ that caused the blush. We¡¯re all sat around a garden table that¡¯s big enough to seat about twenty people or more and eating a light chicken sd lunch with lots of side dishes. Jake¡¯s beside me with a casual arm around the back of my chair, already full from his huge mountain of food the minute he sat down, while the rest of us picked and made polite conversation. He¡¯szing in his chair andughing at whatever Arrick, or ¡®Arry¡¯ as Sophie keeps uttering, is saying to the left of him. The bustling noise of this family is a joy to be a part of, having grown up with just my mother. It¡¯s a little overwhelming but so very enjoyable, aplete contrast to the life I¡¯ve known in my own family. The conversations are littered with fluent Italian as well as English and it seems not one of them knows how to speak without crossing over each other and butting in at every direction. They are a fun and verbal family and I now know where Jake learned the art of being social and finding his confidence. They also endlessly touch one another, prod, poke, and push or throw sarcastic gestures around. I absolutely love them all. His fingerse up trailing my back and I throw him a sweet smile. ¡°You must be hungry.¡± He grins, watching me clear my te for the second time,tely I¡¯ve been ravenous at meals. ¡°I told you I was starving,¡± I shrug defensively, wondering if he¡¯s having doubts about me staying thin. I put my fork down feeling that bite of anxiety. ¡°Don¡¯t stop on my ount. I like seeing you well fed, bambino.¡± He kisses me lightly on the cheek and runs a finger across my cheek with a smile. ¡°Voi due siete cos¨¬ appassionati di belle, mi fa cos¨¬ caldo dentro.¡± Alessandra gushes toward us, but I can only look in confusion as Jake smiles at her. C0pyright ? 2024 N?v)(elDrama.Org. ¡°E facile amare, Emma, non-ho potuto chiedere per una ragazza pi¨´ perfetta.¡± Jake responds with a look toward her then at me,plete infatuation sweeping his expression, but I just stare at him, completely lost. ¡°What now?¡± I burst intoughter, and he shakes his head, leaning in close to talk quietly. ¡°Alessandra is envious of how we are together ¡­ She appreciates people in love.¡± He kisses me on the corner of the mouth, that rise of inner-warmth spreads through me and makes me blush. ¡°And you said?¡± I tease yfully. ¡°That it¡¯s easy to love you ¡­ Because you¡¯re perfect.¡± He grins and this time it¡¯s me that throws a kiss on him with a smile ofplete devotion. Smooth! My man is so smooth he¡¯s slick! ¡°You¡¯ve no idea how perfect you can be sometimes.¡± I gush. ¡°Sometimes, it¡¯s easy to love me.¡± I correct him and get a look of agreement in response. ¡°Hey.¡± I protest with mock outrage, but he just pulls me into a headlock and devours me with nibbling kisses across the face and cheek which has me squealing for help. No one at the table does but I catch Sylvana watching us with extreme glee across her face. ¡°Mio figlio, cos¨¬ innamorato.¡± She gestures at Jake and I can only assume she¡¯s happy that he finally settled down with one woman as most of the table turn and smile at us. It makes me all warm inside. Jake slides his hand down my arm and gives me a cute squeeze against him. Beaming with pride. What¡¯s with this family talking Italian though when It¡¯s obviously about us? The day seems to go by effortlessly sharing time with his family,ughing, joking, and rxing, and then time alone, wandering the beach,te in the day, with naked feet in the sand. All too soon it¡¯s Jake telling me we have to catch a flight home in the morning, and I am hit with reluctance. ¡°I could stay here forever.¡± I grinzily from his embrace as we lounge in a double swing bed in the huge manicured gardens. ¡°It¡¯s so peaceful and so unlike the city. I love it here so much.¡± ¡°Maybe we should just buy a house here and make Mamma happy.¡± He smiles and kisses me on the side of the head, wrapped behind me. Our breaths intermingling from close proximity. I shift around so he¡¯s spooning me from behind and pull his hands into my stomach. ¡°What and leave your much too adored bachelor pad behind? I¡¯m not that cruel to you, Jake.¡± I giggle and toy with his fingers. ¡°Maybe I realize having a bachelor pad isn¡¯t for me anymore.¡± The seriousness in his tone makes me nce back at him in surprise, catching a look that is anything but humorous. ¡°You¡¯re serious?¡± I nche, a sudden winding fear hitting me in the gut. He¡¯s talking long-term houses, future, ns. Forever ¡­ ¡°Why not? I don¡¯t need to be in the city to stay in contact with Margo ¡­ You like it here, so why don¡¯t we get a house here?¡± He shrugs it off and goes back to nuzzling into me. ¡°No ¡­Stop it.¡± I snap pushing myself out of his embrace and climbing off the bed, agitation prickling my skin. His face drops and he follows,ing to stand in front of me. ¡°What? Why the reaction? It¡¯s okay to talk about marriage but not a house, Emma?¡± The confusion all over his face makes me falter, waving my hands around and trying to get my thoughts in order. I have no idea why I¡¯m reacting this way, fear gripping my heart that this is something huge. ¡°It¡¯s serious, Jake ¡­ These houses cost millions ¡­ You¡¯re moving too fast, so soon. We have barely had time to just be together and you¡¯re talking about uprooting and moving away from the city. You¡¯re talking about buying a house that most families can never dream of affording and just setting up home in the blink of an eye.¡± My voice is high and breathy. How can I make him understand how terrifying this is? It¡¯s easy to slot into his life and his apartment because it doesn¡¯t really change it in anyway and if we were to break up then he wouldn¡¯t lose anything ¡­ Just me. Chapter 180 Chapter 180 But buying a mansion, moving to beside his family like a little married couple. He will never let me go back to working in the Carrero Corporation now, it¡¯s too much. To be a kept woman with no chance of being able to just slide back into city life should he ever get tired of me. To get cozy and make bonds with these people who I have loved being around. What if it all blew up in my face and I had to give up more than just him? His family. Sophie close by. It¡¯s all so overwhelming I can¡¯t think straight. My fear and anxiety threatening to choke me at the huge change he wants to make in my life. He has no idea how hard this is. Not so long ago, I was alone, reliant on only me. I had my own money, my own ns, and my own life and I didn¡¯t want to let anyone else in. Now here I am, willing to gamble everything on uncertainty and faith and let someone else take control. I need control. ¡°If this is about money, Emma, then it¡¯s not a problem. I¡¯ve my own money ¡­ I can more than afford a house here. I won¡¯t even need the apartment in New York, but we can keep it if you want a ce to stay when we do go back there, if it makes you morefortable?¡± His face is dark and closed in, his voice edgy and husky. I can see the rising ofmandeering boss Carrero, that no nonsense temper moving in. ¡°It¡¯s not the money,¡± I snap. ¡°It¡¯s how fast this is moving, Jake. How you think that it¡¯s just so easy to up and move in the blink of an eye. To change everything in life on a whim, because you get an idea and impulsively want to act on it.¡± No discussion. It¡¯s just what he wants, and I have to ept it. I know this means my career will be over. That overwhelming emotion hits me again and I step back to sit and steady my legs on the edge of the swing. Nausea rising up and blinding fear threatening to engulf me. He has no clue how much this is scaring me, he¡¯s changing all the rules, changing all the yers, and knocking things on their head. ¡°Emma, I thought we were on the same page?¡± He snaps at me and stalks away to stand stiffly, his back turned. I can feel his rage, even from here, that fiery temper of his bubbling under the surface like moltenva and that pig-headed logic moving in. ¡°We are, Jake, but so much is new, so much we¡¯re still getting used to ¡­ So much we haven¡¯t even agreed on ¡­ It¡¯s terrifying and so final.¡± I blurt out, eyes watering with unshed tears. My hands trembling. ¡°No, Emma, it¡¯s not ¡­ If you love me then it¡¯s no different to staying with me in New York. It¡¯s just a house.¡± He turns, shing me with a cold green re that does little to hide the tornado brewing inside of him. ¡°Don¡¯t say it that way. I do love you!¡± I snap back, the urge to storm off in rage surging over me. That¡¯s right, Emma, you always run when you¡¯re scared. You¡¯re pathetic! ¡°Then what¡¯s wrong with looking for a home we can actually make together?¡± He pleads, his voice laced with anger, but I can only shake my head. ¡°I¡¯m not ready.¡± I almost cry with the panic gripping me inside like a vice of coldness. I can¡¯t exin it, I only know that this is too much too soon. There are a million thoughts racing through my head, what ifs, oues of things going wrong. Moving here, away from the city, away from the closeness of Sarah as security. It¡¯s not even a drive away, it takes hours to get there if I ever needed to try to leave. Everything choking in my throat as it piles up and I fear a panic attack starting. ¡°So, if I hadn¡¯t suggested a house but had proposed instead ¡­ Would the answer have been no?¡± his eyes re in rage and hurt. Spitting it at me usingly, Carrero ego well and truly bruised and seeing only what he wants to see. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°That¡¯s not fair ¡­ It¡¯s not the same thing.¡± I il. ¡°It¡¯s exactly the same fucking thing ¡­ Answer me ¡­ If I had asked you to marry me right now, then what would it have been? Yes, or fucking no?¡± He moves to me menacingly and grabs my arm in a biting embrace. I can¡¯t answer, my throat closing in panic and unable to formte a response that will satisfy him. It¡¯s too soon and I¡¯m terrified, I wouldn¡¯t say no, I love him, and I want a life with him, but I can¡¯t say yes to that when he¡¯s asking me in this way and being this way. I stay silent and just grasp for words toe, the panic all over my face under his intimidating re. ¡°That speaks fucking volumes.¡± He grinds and storms off toward the house angrily, wearing his bruised feelings openly. I reach for him with a sob in my throat but can¡¯t find the strength to move my legs. Unable to call out to him. He throws me a hateful re that catches in my lungs and almost ps me into sense, my inner panic spikes into rage instead. So, goddamn typical of him. It¡¯s his way or no way and he won¡¯t entertain any defiance or wait to find out why I even feel this way. He doesn¡¯t care how I¡¯m freaking out about this, just doesn¡¯t like the refusal so storms off. Too used to getting his own way in everything. Screw you, Carrero I bubble inside, storming around with my internal rage. I don¡¯t want this; I don¡¯t want the pressure of him buying me a home. ying happy families with all these people who actually matter, so soon ¡­ Not yet, not when everything is still so new, and I still feel so insecure all the time. And work? I know for a fact he won¡¯t want me to fly to the city and take up my old position, he barely wants to go back himselftely and moving here will make it final. The truth is that I thought it would change, that I would have some sort of epiphany that I was finally with the man I would be with forever and it would all just go away. That I would be happy to be kept by him, but all the doubts, fears, and insecurities remained, and I wondered if I was destined to be gued with them forever, that Jake would bore of it and leave me. My insecurity won¡¯t allow me to ever think beyond right now, think about when Marissa¡¯s babyes, or Jake and I in any long-term sense. I can only think about the here and now, so sure that I will be tempting fate if I dare to hope for more than I¡¯ve been given. I¡¯m someone who¡¯s used to happy ever afters, of people sticking around. Not even my own father saw a reason to stick around. Somewhere, inside of me I¡¯ve convinced myself that Jake will never stay, that one day he too will walk away. Jake¡¯s obsession with always thinking ahead and trying to n our forever is terrifying. He¡¯s putting so much emphasis and hope on an imagined future with me without hesitation. It feels like a huge weight of responsibility. I¡¯ve never been someone who thought of other people taking the lead in my life. All my careful ns and goals self-orientated, leading to self-dependence and security, without relying on other people. Other people can hurt you, let you down and walk away. Everyone is capable of it, everyone capable of changing toward you and Jake is no different. All along, a part of me has held her breath waiting for that fateful moment when he realizes I¡¯m not everything he wants in life and he will cut me loose. That¡¯s why I can¡¯t let him do this, can¡¯t let him push me deeper into thefort and security of being his forever, starting to build a home and a life so different to anything I have ever known, because I know, one day, he will tire of the broken little girl full of fears and anxiety. When I am no longer so much fun or mystery. And then the devastation of so much loss will end me. The loss of a life with him, with all of this, will kill me. I take deep steadying breaths, trying to calm the manic panic inside my head and getting my shit together. I need to stop rambling and focus. I need to pull it all in and calm the hell down. Stop letting teen Emma control your thoughts. I finally follow Jake¡¯s route to the house and bypass all who are milling around in the family room, going straight to our bedroom. Jake¡¯s packing and my stomach drops. His body radiating aggression, his face dark. I stop for a moment to watch him by the door, I know he sees me, he pauses mid-stroke throwing his clothes in the case but then continues without turning my way. Well and truly pissed then. ¡°I guess we¡¯re leaving today?¡± I try with a gentle tone. But Jake nks me. He walks to the wardrobes in the wall and yanks more of his clothes out in a manner that screams fuck off. ¡°Jake?¡± I try patiently, hating this thick atmosphere and the way he¡¯s practically massacring his expensive shirts as he rolls them into balls and almost punches them into his case. ¡°Yes. We are ¡­ I¡¯m not in the mood to hang about any longer.¡± He snaps and then continues tossing and throwing his clothes in haphazardly. ¡°You don¡¯t think you¡¯re taking this way out of context?¡± I push, my own anger rising but trying not to lose it Chapter 181 Chapter 181 ¡°Hmmm. I don¡¯t know, Emma, am I? The woman I want a life with tells me she doesn¡¯t actually fucking want it with me.¡± His anger rises at the closure of his sentence, his husky voice turning more to a growl. Deathly venomcing his tone. That stubborn, impulsive, logic clouding his normally quick brain. ¡°I never said that ¡­ I said not yet, there¡¯s an enormous difference.¡± My resolve is crumbling and some sort of weary feebleness creeping over me. I was used to Jake¡¯s crazy violent temper when I was his PA, but I¡¯ve never seen it as his lover. Right now, I don¡¯t know how to react or calm him. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Why not yet? I know how I feel already. If you don¡¯t feel the same way after everything, then I doubt you ever will.¡± He ms his case shut and yanks it toward him to zip it up. The strength in the way he savages it is almost enough to snap it off. He¡¯s being impossible, how can you even argue with such stupid logic. Just because self-assured, always knows what he wants in life Carrero has decided this is his chosen path, it doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m there yet. He has to understand that my past, my life has taught me to be cautious. To be wary of letting others take too much of my control away. It¡¯s an ingrained reflex to survive and I need time. ¡°You¡¯re being ridiculous, Jake.¡± I bite my tongue, wanting to say so much but knowing by his simmering temper that it will lead to an all-out fight in his mother¡¯s house. That rage inside of him is bubbling dangerously close to an all-out explosion. I can¡¯t deal with the humiliation of a blow-out while they¡¯re all here. ¡°Look ¡­ I think we need to drop it. I have to go say goodbye, you need to pack. I called the airfield; the jet will be ready by the time we get there.¡± He¡¯s gritting his teeth as he talks to me, inner fury seeping out and for once, I¡¯m d that he¡¯s leaving the room. I¡¯m shaky and vulnerable and so close to tears it¡¯s unreal. Jake¡¯s temper never used to phase me when I was just his PA but now, he has this ability to make me feel young and stupid and insecure. He has the ability to wound me deeply and a pain starts gnawing through my chest. Why can¡¯t I just say yes? ¡­ Yes, I want a home with you, Jake. It¡¯s what I want more than anything. I know why ¡­ I can¡¯t because I¡¯ve an inability to back down or verbalize my fears, the same as he does, and this isn¡¯t going to change until one of us changes our mind. I¡¯m not the one being unreasonable. He is! Chapter 182 Chapter 182 Jake continues to refuse to acknowledge me, even when we get on the flight, his earphones in and his music ring. He submerges himself in work across the aisle from me on hisptop,ying a bag on the seat beside him, making it clear he wants space. I grit my teeth and jut out my chin in anger. Getting up and shaking my head at him in fury. Screw you, Jake, act like an asshole and I¡¯ll happily treat you like one. I move down the ne, pick a seat facing away and haul out my book. Not that I can focus. I¡¯m seething that he¡¯s behaving this way. Why is it always about what he wants, and I must go along or be frozen out? Sometimes he¡¯s impossible. * * * ¡°You¡¯re noting?¡± I balk at him as I slide into the car that Jefferson is holding open for me, my heart falling to my feet like a heavy sandbag. Pain constricting in my throat. ¡°No, I¡¯ve to go take care of a few things.¡± Jake avoids looking at me, his expression hard as he gazes off across the airfield toward an approaching familiar car. He lets Jefferson take our cases and load them in the boot as I stare with open astonishment through the wide car door. ¡°Jake, we need to talk about things?¡± I plead, my angry resolve that hassted through our entire flight dissipates, reced with hurt. Anxiety and panic rising inside of me. How ironic that now I¡¯m the one who wants to talk. When did that flip? ¡°I¡¯ve nothing else to say,¡± he says coldly, he turns and heads off toward his car, now parked on the runway about twenty feet away, I note Daniel sliding dutifully out of the driver¡¯s door with a confused look on his face. He obviously had orders to drive Jake¡¯s pride and joy here and is wondering what the hell is eating his ass. Daniel looks him over, noting the tense scowl, the rigid posture, and the way he completely nks my existence without a backward nce. Daniel looks at me hesitantly and I glimpse, for a moment, an almost worried expression. My stomach lurches. ¡°You¡¯re being an asshole,¡± I spit at his retreating back, but he only lifts a hand in a gesture that dismisses me. A wave at an irritation that he doesn¡¯t want to deal with; the pain rises up my chest and threatens to suffocate me. He stalks to the driver¡¯s side and thumbs Daniel out of the way arrogantly, he reluctantly moves out and around the car to get in the passenger side. Taking onest look at my direction and a quick flick to Jake¡¯s profile, his face says it all. Daniel thinks we¡¯re over. He frowns and retreats. Oh, my god. My breath catches in my throat with the overwhelming despair inside of me as I try to figure out if we really are. Jake slides into the P1 and pulls down the door aggressively, firing it up, and revving the engine so it roars across at me. The sound is both intimidating and terrifying. I¡¯m pretty sure that if he had something to smash right now, he would be focusing all his energy on beating the crap out of it, he¡¯s practically aching for a fight. The car reverses at death defying speed with a squeal, a huge drift of ck smoke billowing from the tires as he spins the car around in a show of idiocy. Hand brake spinning it, so it¡¯s facing the other way in a blink. He ms his foot down, wheel spinning viciously for a few seconds and takes off like a bat out of hell, the air ringing with the powerful engine and squealing of brakes. The stench of burned rubber and god knows what else tainting the oxygen around me. All I hear is the roaring hum as it clings to the tarmac and speeds out of sight, it makes me want to scream in frustration. What the actual fuck, Jake? We¡¯ve had arguments before and none since we got together where he¡¯s ever just walked off and left things in the air like this, he¡¯s obviously in arrogant asshole mode. Not since the boat, so very long ago, has he behaved this way. Surely, he won¡¯t end things over this, even he isn¡¯t that dumb. I get that I¡¯ve hurt him, maybe more than I realize, but there is no need for him to behave this way toward me. Things are different between us now. I m my door, not waiting for Jefferson, and throw myself into the seat in a tearful rage. If he¡¯s trying to punish me then it¡¯s working but I¡¯m not going to let him know that. He can be a jackass; if he wants to act like this then he should never have chosen me as a girlfriend. Of all the women in the world, I¡¯m not one who will chase after him like some pathetic girl with a broken heart and try to make this right. This is on him; his stupid asshole behavior and he needs to get a grip. ¡°Take me to Queens,¡± Imand as Jefferson slides in. ¡°I¡¯ll be staying there tonight.¡± I sound more in control than I really feel, my inner body twisting and aching in pain. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°Yes, Ma¡¯am.¡± The cool gentle tone responds, a flicker of a frown in his mirror and know that he¡¯s pissed at Jake too. It soothes me a little. Before long, we¡¯re heading out of the city and forward in search of Sarah and solitude. Jake needs to realize that despite his domineering ways, I am still my own person. Maybe I¡¯ve let him take the lead a little too often ofte and he¡¯s getting used to dictating my life. He can take his mood and sulk as long as he needs and then when he finally sees just how much of a jackass he is being, he cane find me. I¡¯m not ying this game again! One thing his leaving the boat taught me was, that Jake is an impulsive ass when his feelings are bruised, and he acts like an adolescent. He carries on like a child andshes out impulsively at those he loves. Hasn¡¯t he done that to me once before? I will leave him to simmer. God knows how long this will take him to get over; that one time on the boat saw him in a mood for almost two weeks but he came back, and he made things right. I have to trust that he will do that now. * * * Chapter 183 Chapter 183 Sarah isn¡¯t home when I let myself into the apartment carrying my case. I let Jefferson go, assuring him I can manage and despite his fatherly protests, he is finally gone. I still have a key to the apartment and want nothing more than the coziness of the couch and throws and space to mull over Jake¡¯s asshole attitude. I text Sarah informing her of my arrival, so she won¡¯t be surprised when she gets home but my heart sinks at her response. Marcus has taken her to Florida for a few days to meet his family and she only left this morning. She tells me to help myself to the freezer contents and to call herter. My heart aches but I don¡¯t tell her why I¡¯m here. Meeting the family equals seriousness. It signals forever! Maybe Sarah and Marcus are really making a go of it this time, the thought bothers me, but not as much as it did before. I¡¯m lost now that my stability isn¡¯t here to lift my chin and help me get through my first meaningful rtionship fight with Jake. Not that there is much of a fight. Just him acting out like the spoiled brat he can sometimes be and trying to domineer his own way as per usual. Sometimes I like Jake¡¯s wealth and the confidence it gives him but at times like this, when his tantrumming, asshole moods and attitude that money has ingrained in him rears its ugly head, I hate it. I submerge myself in catching up with Margo and work via email. Step one of showing Jake this is not how a rtionship works. I¡¯m going to reacquaint myself with the current tasks he¡¯d been overseeing, touch base with Rosalie, and make it known I want to be involved again. I¡¯ve be too used to being kept by Jake in eternal vacation mode and stubborn PA Emma is stamping her foot in defiance at his behavior today. He seems more than happy to slide me into his personal life more and more, taking me worlds away from PA mode and partly it¡¯s what¡¯s wrong with metely. The weird moods and emotions, the tiredness, and listless feelings deep inside. I have lost my value as his partner in work and left only as his girlfriend with no real security the way I need it. I want to be more than just his bed partner and cuddle buddy; I need that challenge back of being his partner in work; decision making and overseeing things. I am so out of touch with all of that and disappointed in myself. The thought of making a home in the Hamptons with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs makes me terrified. I don¡¯t know how to be nothing¡ªa doting girlfriend and kept woman. I don¡¯t know how to slot into a domestic life and leisurely existence, and I don¡¯t want it. I want to be worth something, to be something worthwhile, for me, something to aspire to. Margo soon dumps the email catch up in recement for a real phone call and has me up to speed, lost in idle chit-chat and asking how life as Jake¡¯s love is treating me. It feels so good to talk to her, to talk through everything, and even to confess to the fight at his parents. This opening up to people had slowly been getting more natural with me, shockingly so, and I¡¯m finding it helps me right now. She assures me that Jake wille around and realize that pushing me has never worked in the past and always sent me running away from him. To have a little faith in his ability to retrace his bad decisions and make things right. I smile when we hang up, more assured and less heartbroken. She¡¯s right. Jake may be an impulsive ass sometimes but eventually his logical brain brings it back around and he sees the error in his judgment. I¡¯m just not sure how long this is going to take him. You made him feel like he wasn¡¯t what you wanted in life, Emma, good move. That ego alone has taken a massive dint today, never mind his heart. I sigh in exasperation and try to focus on anything that¡¯s not him. Byte evening I¡¯ve returned to despair at hisck of contact and check my phone endlessly. That pit of anxiety and tension coursing through me and the absolute agony of not knowing what he¡¯s thinking anymore. Finally, I can¡¯t stand it and call him, beyond hurt that my absence has been ignored. So much for caring about my feelings! ¡°Jake?¡± After endless ringing, he finally picks up and all I get is noise and music all around him, it¡¯s obvious he¡¯s at a nightclub and my heart thuds hard through my chest, winding me painfully. Jake has never just up and gone out without me like this, not since he told me he loved me. He¡¯s out getting drunk and ignoring my existence. What the fuck? ¡°Hello?¡± his slurred husky voicees through the noise, he¡¯s extremely drunk, but he¡¯s talking to other people in the background, some female voices too. Giggling and chattering and a lot of hrity. My tears well up and anger flies higher. ¡°Hello?¡± He can¡¯t seem to hear me over the music. My jealousy rages, my heart and temper sparring with one another and it engulfs me. ¡°Jake, where are you?¡± the pitiful tears slip out unexpectedly and warmly roll down my cheek, despite my rage. My heart¡¯s breaking. I hate the way he can twist a knife in me this way. All he¡¯s done is go out, but somehow it feels like a momentous thing considering how we left things. What¡¯s he doing and who with? I suddenly feel so alone and so insecure it¡¯s almost strangling me, cursing my inner stupid self and her eternal inability to believe Jake will never hurt me this way. ¡°Look, honey, I can¡¯t hear you ¡­ I¡¯m staying out, maybe see you tomorrow or something. We¡¯ll see.¡± He sounds distant, cold, just like the Jake who left me on that boat to go have sex with other people. He doesn¡¯t wait but just hangs up and leaves me staring numbly at a nk screen, my heart ripping free in screaming agony. He obviously hasn¡¯t been home, never realized I didn¡¯t get there or if he has, then it doesn¡¯t matter to him and now his attitude ¡­ calling me honey ¡­ The pet name he used on his casual sex buddies. The anger soars through me and I yank the phone back up calling again. This time when he answers the noise isn¡¯t so loud as though he¡¯s moved to another room or maybe the bathroom. ¡°Where the fuck are you?¡± I stand up, rage coursing through me, pacing hysterically. My body trembling with so much emotion ripping through me at one time. Who the hell is he to treat me this way, like I don¡¯t matter? He spent months making me believe that I matter more than anything in the world and on the back of one stupid disagreement, he¡¯s treating me like one of his passing whores. Some of whom he¡¯s probably with. I mean who in New York hasn¡¯t he had sex with? Our rtionship is more than this. I¡¯m so angry the pulse beating in my head is almost loud. ¡°Calm the fuck down and go to bed. I¡¯m out. I told you. I need space to figure things out.¡± Is his reply and it only makes me seethe more. A girl says his name and giggles, the phone muffles as he replies to her and I can¡¯t make out what either are saying. I see red, jealousy spiking to psychotic levels, and my lungs exploding to battle the pain I¡¯m feeling. Screw him. Screw Carrero and his stubborn, arrogant, dick-faced attitude! Screw him and his whores and yboy fucking lifestyle. ¡°Don¡¯t worry I¡¯m going to bed but it¡¯s not yours, asshole.¡± I almost crack my screen with the force I hang up. I storm through to the kitchen to get a drink of water for my suddenly sand dry throat, my hands are shaking but I¡¯m literally vibrating with anger. This is so stupid, so goddamn over the top dramatic, even for him. My phone rings again, Jake¡¯s name shing like a red g on my screen and the urge to hang up bites at me. I pick it up and hesitate but then answer. Rage consuming me. ¡°Whose bed exactly are you climbing into?¡± his venomous, slurring, jealousy fueled erratic response winds me. What the f¡ª? Does Jake really believe me capable of climbing into someone else¡¯s bed? I¡¯m not him! I re at the screen; my inner logical self has jumped out a window but instead, this need to wound him raises her ugly head. My lowest pettiest reaction bites out, wounded. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. How could he use me of something like that? ¡°I¡¯m fucking waiting on an answer!¡± He shouts down the phone at me with so much hatred I recoil. Stalking back to my room I haul the huge teddy bear out of the closet and pull him upright, he wears a tag around his throat with his name, I flip it over and read it before mming my mouth back to the phone. Chapter 184 Chapter 184 ¡°Joey¡¯s ¡­ An old friend from Queens.¡± I know how stupid his reaction to the bear was the first time he ¡®met¡¯ him, whether it was in jest or not, it highlighted Jake has a severe jealous side and would probably miss the name of the bear. I hope it makes him suffer in the way he¡¯s making me suffer right now. I hang up just as he explodes. Silencing the onught of Carrero abuse and craziness. I stand trying to calm the panic surging through me, my body shaking violently and my nerves trembling. Weak and hysterical, my heart pounding through my chest. I know everything is falling apart around me. My world is crumbling. I jump as my phone rings and his number shes across my screen, but I red button him in defiance. He wanted to be an asshole and now he suddenly wants to talk. I reject button him a second time when it rings again. ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!!! The text beeps on almost as soon as Iy it face down on the bed, inner fear sweeping over me, so my body turns cold and my limbs weaken. Jake¡¯s angry, angry. Maybe I pushed things too far? My anger almost drops out of me with insane speed to be reced with immediate remorse. I should know better than to rile the jealousy card with Jake, it makes him irrational and aggressive, even with me. He sees red and can¡¯t seem to control it. He admitted to me he¡¯s never had any feelings like that in his past, all so new to him and overpowering and I¡¯ve just handed him a lit grenade when he¡¯s drunk and already pissed. I know him. I know his need tosh out and hurt things, hurt people when consumed like this. As a teen he beat his way through a drunken fueled haze many a time and made the headlines. Last thing he needs now is another front-page mess because his girlfriend tipped him over the edge. What have I done to him? I¡¯m so stupid! So, fucking stupid! I¡¯m supposed to make him a better man, want to be a better man. I pick up the phone, swaying with indecisiveness and try to call him, my hands shaking violently. Sick with nerves. I get his voicemail and my stomach drops. I try again and again, five times in twenty minutes but I get his voicemail every time and it suddenly dawns on me he¡¯s switched his cell off. He¡¯s beyond raging with me; he¡¯s gone off the charts angry. I text him quickly, hoping to god he switches it on and sees it before he does something beyond stupid or calls me back. Jake, I¡¯m sorry, I was angry, please don¡¯t go mad ¡­ Joey is the bear you won for me, remember? I¡¯m in my old apartment xxx I love you. I¡¯m sorry. I send it with the overwhelming feeling of fear tightening my stomach. Choking on tears and regret. Maybe I should go back to the apartment tonight and be there for himing home; fix this. Fix my stupidity. I should know better than to ever y that card with him, it¡¯s the guaranteed way to make him lash out and do something stupid like get in a bar brawl ore home and smash another wall. That much testosterone fueled by booze and jealousy is a lethalbination and I just lit the fuse. If he¡¯d done the same to me, I would have flipped the psycho switch and no telling what I would have done. I feel so stupid. I sit shaking for what seems like an eternity before I finally get enough courage to gather my things and call for a cab, it¡¯s going to be one expensive ride home and the most agonizing journey, but I need to be there when Jake finallyes home. I need to show him that the only bed I was climbing into was his. I pick up my phone and send onest text. Pleasee home, Jake ¡­ I¡¯m getting a cab back to Manhattan. I¡¯m sorry xxx I need to see you. I miss you. I take a deep, steadying breath and swallow down the urge to cry. Body shaking violently, and all resolve gone. Pulling myself together, I call for a cab and get ready while awaiting its arrival. * * * The journey feels endless and the driver makes no attempt at conversation, luckily Jake always insists I carry cash for emergencies and his generosity means it¡¯s more than I realized was even in my purse. It warms me a little knowing he put it there should I ever be caught somewhere in desperate need of assistance; that I had money to use. It just makes me feel even more wretched for hurting him this way, for letting him think I would do that. I¡¯m an idiot, I know this and try his phone for the hundredth time, it¡¯s still off. Tears pour down my cheek and my heart aches. I have so much to make up for. Mathews lets me into the apartment with a warm smile and a look of concern, yet he knows his ce and doesn¡¯t ask. I know as soon as I walk in that Jake has never been here. I can just tell from the emptiness and the fact his case is sat by the kitchen counter, that only his things were dropped off and he¡¯s never set foot back in here. I drag both of our cases to the bedroom and get ready for bed, pulling on one of his T-shirts forfort. It¡¯ste, Jake probably won¡¯t be home for hours if he refuses to turn his phone back on and well, he assumes I¡¯m doing god knows what with someone else. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if he neveres home at all. I want to find him, but I don¡¯t know how and all I can do until he reads my messages is wait. I pick up my phone for onest attempt and stifle a sob as it hits voicemail immediately. I have no idea where he is or what he¡¯s doing. I want him home with me so badly. I would agree to anything right now. Eloping, mansions on the moon, and a lifetime of only saying yes to his every whim. I leave one pathetic message on his machine ¡°Jake, pleasee home. I need you.¡± Muffled through sobs and sniffs and heartbreak. I finally curl into his side of the bed, crying my heart out until I drift into a hazy tortured sleep, dreaming of Jake consumed by rage and ripping apart men trying toy hands on me.Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. * * * I¡¯m torn awake by noise in the apartment, I jump in fright realizing the darkness around me is more of a soft gray and it¡¯s now almost sunrise. It has to be Jake. I jump out of bed and run through to the sitting room, my pulse beating crazily in my throat, mming to a halt as our eyes meet across the calm spacious room. My heart ted at his final appearance and almost jumping out of my chest. He looks devastating to me and I just want to run into his arms. ¡°Where have you been?¡± I cry, stilling the urge to run at him when he moves through to where I¡¯m standing. He stares at me with emptiness; tired, disheveled, his eyes dark and ravaged. His appearance makes me nervous; it could not be more un-Jake if he tried and he doesn¡¯t seem anywhere near as drunk as he was. I¡¯m desperate to talk, to try to convince him that nothing happenedst night. That I¡¯ve been frantic with his absence. He sighs and takes in my appearance with the most gut-wrenching look of despair I¡¯ve ever seen. He swallows hard. Something in his manner starts sending off a million warning bells, the atmosphere he¡¯s creating sends a cold surge down my spine. A weird distance between us. Has he really ended things with me? ¡°Emma, sit down ¡­ We need to talk.¡± His voice is hoarse, he can¡¯t seem to look me in the eye and his manner is making me feel queasy. He loosely catches my wrist, flinches at our contact, and pulls me with him toward the couch to one side. I don¡¯t fight, my body on high alert and screaming that something is majorly off. Terrified of hearing the words that will rip my soul from my body. Nerves still the words on my lips. Something feels wrong, despite our fight, despite the events ofte something has changed in him. Panic rising inside of me. He sits me on the couch carefully, sliding down next to me, close. Close enough to reach around me and hold me tight but he doesn¡¯t, he sits touching legs, maneuvering me into the corner so I¡¯m caged in by him, still unable to look at me. I can feel the tension from his body, my nerves choking me. This isn¡¯t Jake, not my controlled and overly confident Carrero, this version of him is making me feel sick with nerves. ¡°What is it?¡± I breathe, my hands beginning to tremble, aching to reach for him but his entire body language keeps me at bay. I can feel his distance pounding out at me. Does he think I betrayed him? Does he really want us to be over? Chapter 185 Chapter 185 ¡°Emma ¡­ I want you to know how much I love you ¡­ I mean really love you ¡­ There¡¯s no one else in this world for me. I need you ¡­¡± He gets up and paces around for a moment, making me feel sick with worry but relieved that this isn¡¯t a breakup speech. Hees back to his previous position and swallows hard. ¡°Last night, when I thought you¡¯d done something, after the talk about not wanting to marry me and pretty much breaking up ¡­ It fucked me up in the head.¡± His eyes are focused on my hands and I can see they are filled with unshed tears; he can¡¯t look at me. ¡°None of this changes how I feel about you ¡­ I need you to know that I still love you every bit as much as I did, I still want the same things with you, and I acted like aplete fucking idiot at the airport ¡­ I believe you when you text me that nothing happened. I wish I had the sense to realize itst night, but I was so drunk and jealous, and I wasn¡¯t rational ¡­ bambino I was so goddamn distraught.¡± He lifts my hands to his mouth rubbing my knuckles against his face, his stubble scratching at me achingly and kissing them lightly. I hold my breath. Closing his eyes for a moment, savoring my touch, my smell as though they are to be hisst. My inner trembles begin to shake my whole body, my breath held. ¡°I did something really stupid, miele ¡­ ¡­¡± His words instantly send a heavy dread inside of me, pulsing out through every limb, an ache in my chest so strong I think my heart is going to give out. I can¡¯t do anything except sit like stone, eyes wide and frozen and wait, wait for whatever it is he needs to tell me with the growing trepidation that this could change everything. ¡°What?¡± It¡¯s so strained I don¡¯t recognize my own voice, the question impulsive at the agony of what¡¯s coming out of his mouth. I¡¯m paralyzed in fear, knowing only this man has the power to truly destroy me. ¡°I was beyond drunk, Emma ¡­ Seriously fucked up ¡­ Upset ¡­ Not thinking straight.¡± He tightens his hold on me as though the words are painful, and he¡¯s scared I¡¯ll run. I¡¯m terrified, my mind racing at a hundred miles an hour with growing dread. What has he done? Why is he being this way? ¡°Tell me.¡± I beg, desperate to end this torture, tears already finding a path down my cheeks as if some part of me already knows what¡¯s happened and is mourning in advance. ¡°I kissed someone.¡± The shame of those uttered words makes him drop his head in disgust. My hands shoot out of his, scolded in reaction, my body darting back as though he¡¯s hit me with an electric volt. My heart sears with pain and a blinding ache through my head. I gasp and try to catch my breath but only a sobes out. He looks up, panic in his eyes yet stays still, he¡¯s prepared himself for my reaction. This is why he sat so close, so I¡¯m hemmed in, even if I try to pull away. I can¡¯t run without pushing him away and he knows I don¡¯t have the physical strength, he thought about this first. God knows how long he¡¯s yed this over in his head in thest few hours. ¡°What?¡± I cry in shock when I can find the words. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I can¡¯tprehend this, I don¡¯t want it to be true, for those painful words to being from my Jake¡¯s mouth. Killing me and I¡¯m bleeding from every pore. My Jake the one I trust, my security ¡­ My heart. My betrayer. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°Someone who was at the club. She wasn¡¯t there with us, someone we know. Just a coincidence she was even in town at all. I kissed her. I guess I wanted tosh out, so sure we were done.¡± His eyes come to mine, keeping his hands steady on hisp, he knows not to touch me. He can see I¡¯m perched ready to react, only held still by my shock. Unable to make any part of my brain function beyond the pain of what he¡¯s said. The world spinning around me. My body goes before my mind does, I gag, as though to vomit grasping my mouth with both palms and then break down, the racking sounds of sobbing and the dissolving of my posture. The wrenching pain of someone ripping your very soul from within. His face crumbles and he reaches for me but I p him away, hard, shoving his chest in anger. I don¡¯t know what to do ¡­ What to think, what to say; the pain is so unbearable, unlike anything I¡¯ve ever experienced in my life. ¡°Why? ¡­ How could you, Jake? ¡­ Who?¡± I can¡¯t breathe but my voice is screeching out. I can¡¯t think straight; my heart is being shredded out through my stomach and I¡¯mshing out in teen Emma mode. He tries to restrain me, but I battle him off until he stops. Unable to let him touch me. I think I may fall down and pass out. I think I may die. Oh, my god this may actually kill me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Baby. I¡¯m sorry ¡­ I didn¡¯t think about what I was doing, I just wanted tosh out ¡­ I was drunk and stupid, I¡¯m an idiot ¡­ I fucked-up so badly ¡­ When I turned on my cell and got your messages, Emma ¡­ I died.¡± His cheeks are wet with moisture, his voice low and shameful, his expression reflecting the agony of what he¡¯s telling me. I don¡¯t doubt that he regrets it but he¡¯s killing me inside. This pain unbearable, I can¡¯t begin to think about what he¡¯s done to us, it destroys everything. It takes all that we are and sets it alight, reducing it to nothing but ashes. ¡°Who?¡± I say again robotically, it¡¯s the only detail I can focus on right now. I don¡¯t know why it matters but something inside of me says it matters a lot ¡­ I need to know. What if it¡¯s Le? I trust Le, I love her as a sister, and she¡¯s meant to be in France; it would fit. The pain of both betraying me that way would end me. A final, fatal blow. He hesitates and looks away, standing to tower over me, his hands shaking as violently as mine. He¡¯s putting distance between us because he knows his next confession is going to be just as bad. I can tell, I can feel it. He shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at the floor between us. His distance makes me afraid; he thinks I¡¯m going to freak out,sh out again. He¡¯s getting ready to move out of the firing line. Oh, my god! He¡¯s going to tell me it¡¯s Le, he¡¯s going to turn the knife and make it hurt more if that is even possible. He¡¯s going to kill me with his words, and I¡¯ll die right here on the couch. ¡°Who?¡± I press again firmly, my heart ceases to beat, my breath held, still sitting with my hands sped so tightly my nails draw blood from my own palms, body rigid awaiting the blow. He takes a long slow deep breath, locks eyes with me, where there¡¯s fear and regret and tears. The look of a man who has just lost everything and doesn¡¯t know what else to do. I know that no matter what he tells me the damage is already done and this is just adding salt to the wound. How can I ever trust him again? He swallows, as though preparing himself for the worst moment of his life and breathes the name slowly. ¡°Marissa.¡± END OF BOOK 2 Book 3 follows right on Chapter 186 - Book 3 Chapter 186 - Book 3 I¡¯m lying in a heap on the bed, numb from endless sobbing and wracking pain. I don¡¯t know how long I¡¯ve been lying listening to my own blood rush through my head as my heart self-implodes inside my body. I¡¯m nothing but a shell, a quiet empty shell of exhaustion and heartache, rumpled beyond recognition. Ished out, hit at him, and shoved him away with every ounce of strength I possessed, yet still he tried to cling to me. My Jake, my body, and soul. Now the destroyer of everything that I was. I told him not to touch me, to never touch me again, to leave, and to go away. I screamed and cried and fell to pieces on the floor at his feet. His words tumbling around me like noise that I couldn¡¯t understand, so consumed by my grief. It¡¯s only when I whimpered and begged that he leave me alone he finally listened; moving away so I could find my way to my feet, running into the solitude of this room ¡­ our room. His room. Shutting him out and locking him away. I can¡¯t bare for him to be near me, to touch me, or look at me anymore. What we are is lost; his betrayal sealed our fate and my world has been ripped apart with such devastation. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever be the same again. All I can think about, is his mouth against hers, over and over, and it rips through my heart. Kissing the mouth of the one woman in the world I hate beyondpare. He has no clue of the depth and damage cheating with her has done. He has no idea how deep his betrayal has wounded me. He kissed someone else. Not just anyone else, but her, the object of all my hatred and pain for thest few months. The woman who possessed his heart once upon a time, the only other woman who has been loved by him, and now carries his child. Marissa Hartley. How can I ever get beyond this or believe that his feelings for her are as clear cut as I thought? Her name is like a dagger in my chest, a wound so unbearable burning and searing, making sure I never recover from the fatal blow. Why, Jake? ¡­ Why? Because you were so sure of my readiness to betray you? Fueled by insecurity because of my refusal to start a home with you or answer your proposal? Fueled by my stupidity in making you believe I would betray you so readily over a fight. Were we so fragile that something this stupid has ripped us in two? There¡¯s a light chap on the door, my breath halts, and my pulse stops. His closeness still affecting me, even at a distance, my body feels him in the air and trembles. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice, hoarse and raw, causes a sharp pain in my chest. I slide onto my side to blot him out, covering my ears, curling into a ball with a fresh wave of unbearable aching inside of me, silent tears pouring down my face. I just want this pain to stop devouring me. ¡°Emma, please? ¡­ Let me in.¡± He pleads, his voice as far away from my Jake as it could possibly be, different to how he normally sounds, crushing my soul. I¡¯m so far away from myself, I fear I¡¯ll never find my way back. I close my eyes tight, screwing them hard, willing him to leave. My voice wouldn¡¯te even if I wanted it to. It¡¯s so raw and painful making it too hard to swallow, aftereffects from the wailing of a desperate woman. There¡¯s a gentle thud against the door, it creaks with the pressure of human weight, a noise of something heavy and soft sliding down the other side slowly. ¡°I¡¯m not going anywhere, neonata. I¡¯m staying right here until you let me see you. I need to see you, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m going insane out here.¡± The sadness in his tone makes me ache. He sounds as broken as I feel. His normally low husky tone is strained and hoarse; emotion breaking with every agonizing word. He left me until I became quiet, but I can¡¯t lock him out forever. This is his apartment ¡­ his home. Not mine anymore. I need to get up, take everything I own, and leave him; he¡¯s left me no choice but to go. There¡¯s nothing here for us anymore. Fresh waves of devastation hit me, causing me to break the silence with a sob. I can¡¯t begin to think about leaving him, not yet, not while my body wants to lie here and die. The pain is so all epassing I can barely breathe. ¡°Please ¡­ Please, bambino. It¡¯s killing me staying out here listening to you cry. Let me in. Let me hold you.¡± His voice breaks; the pain too much. I can imagine him slumped against the door, his knees up, and arms around his shoulders, maybe cradling his head, as broken and as crumpled as me. I try to shake the image of him from my mind, tears consuming me; the thought hurts me more than I can imagine. I can¡¯t bear for him to be as broken as me, to be aching in agony outside his own door. I¡¯m drowning in confusion. I can¡¯t endure the pain of letting him close. The thought of his touch brings the sh of a vision into my head of him and her, him touching her, his focus on her eyes, kissing her. It slices through me like a hot poker and tortures me to my core. What has he done to us? ¡°I ¡­ I ¡­ I can¡¯t.¡± I breathe out through tears, unsure if I¡¯m even loud enough for him to hear me. My voice is weak and fragile, a ghost of the normal tone I usually possess. ¡°Emma, I won¡¯t touch you. I swear. I¡¯ll keep my distance. I just need to see you ¡­ look at you.¡± He begs. He shifts toward the door to strain for my response and it shatters me all the more. I don¡¯t like him this way. He¡¯s my strong, domineering Carrero, always so sure and infuriatingly confident, in control of everything. I can¡¯t bear this sad quiet version of him, begging me, sitting slumped outside, and seeking permission to enter a room in his own apartment. This is not Jake. I want my Jake back. I want the Jake from a week ago, the one who never betrayed me and left me this way. The Jake who would move mountains to protect me; not this man sitting out there who is so far removed from the one I thought I knew. ¡°I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t get up.¡± it¡¯s true, I don¡¯t have the strength to walk to the door. My body¡¯s broken. I cry quietly, tears falling freely beyond my control. I can barely lift my head, so drained of life I am beyond the point of moving. Fatigue is wracking every limb with emotional exhaustion. I don¡¯t know what time it is, but it feels like I¡¯ve been here for days. Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Just tell me I can open the door and I will,¡± his voice is strained, he¡¯s waiting and hoping I won¡¯t hold him out while still seeking my permission. I can¡¯t keep him out, as much as I desperately want to, he¡¯s the one causing me paralyzing agony but is also the only person in the world who has a hope in hell of helping me. That¡¯s my torture. My healer is also my tormentor. When all I can feel is devastation, my heart aches calling out for the one person who always grounds me and makes me feel secure. ¡°It¡¯s your house,¡± I crumble, not making the decision for him. I flinch momentster, clenching my body in surprise, as he kicks the door open with effortless force. The wood splintering and metal sheering violently; light flooding from the other room, showing his strong masculine figure silhouetted in the frame. I curl into myself tighter, as I did when I was a child, covering my face with my arms, instinctively defending my body. The pain of him being near me is more excruciating than anything I¡¯ve ever endured before. I hear him moving closer, the bed dips as he slides on, keeping his distance. He sighs heavily. I can feel every ounce of strong energy radiating from him, despairing and remorseful energy, surging with as much heartache as me. ¡°I love you, baby ¡­ I can fix this. I want to fix this. I want you so badly that this ¡­ What I¡¯ve done ¡­ It¡¯s killing me. It¡¯s ripping me apart that I¡¯ve hurt you, that I¡¯ve lost you.¡± His voice aches and trembles and the urge to turn and wrap myself into his safe arms overwhelms me, but the relief I desperately desire I know I won¡¯t find. His touch will only cause more devastation to my heart. Marissa, with her nasty snarl and wicked eyes is running through my head smirking at me; cackling at me. I can almost sense her satisfaction coursing through me. She¡¯s won. She¡¯s taken him from me in the worst way. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I cane back from this ¡­ I need time to breathe, time to think,¡± I whisper, afraid that saying it louder will be more crushing to my soul. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to leave.¡± He croaks, as he tries to see my face in the gloom of the dim light, leaning closer so I can feel his body heat hovering over mine. He¡¯s caging me in without touching, and I hold my breath. ¡°I can¡¯t stay.¡± I curl up tighter, hiding what I am from the man I loved most in the world; the one person who changed everything in my life for the better and yet destroyed it all in the same gentle stroke. ¡°I¡¯ll do anything, whatever you ask, Emma ¡­ Just please, don¡¯t leave me,¡± his voice is softer, almost breathless. He sniffs, and I know he has tears on his cheek. It kills me inside, despite what he¡¯s done, I don¡¯t want him to be hurting. I¡¯ve never seen Jake cry over anything before this and I don¡¯t want to see it now, I can¡¯t bare it. ¡°I need to go. I need time away from you ¡­ It hurts too much having you near me. I don¡¯t know if I can forgive you while everything is so raw and fresh. I need space and time to think.¡± My words are empty, as though from another person. I wish I had conviction in my request but I just sound pathetic and small, like I¡¯m asking for his permission to go. He takes a sharp breath, trying to fight the internal battle threatening to consume him, trying to keep it all in but I can hear it in every noise he makes. His regret is the only thing keeping me sane right now, his obvious pain at what he¡¯s done to us is the only balm in this horrible train wreck that was once our rtionship. The only thing keeping my anger at bay. He stays silent, the bed moves as he clenches the sheets, his hands trawling in desperation at whatever his inner dialog is saying to him. Jake in turmoil is devastating on my soul. ¡°I¡¯ll have Jefferson take you back to Queens whenever you want to go.¡± He breaths the words as though I just stabbed him through the heart with a dagger. If I have then I¡¯ve also turned it on myself and now I¡¯m bleeding to death. Chapter 187 Chapter 187 "I think it¡¯s best if I go as soon as I can get myself together.¡± I don¡¯t think that¡¯s possible right now, my body is detached and useless, barely wanting to move, let alone get up. My heart is aching so heavily it throbs through my chest and stomach. I feel sick with all of it. My head is light and swimming with the effort of trying to breathe. My nose is blocked from crying and my throat is raw and raspy. ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ I can¡¯t, Emma!¡± His voice suddenly turns powerful, tugging me to him in a sh and I yelp in surprise. He buries his face into my hair, crushing me in his embrace letting out the pain he¡¯s been holding back. I never in my life thought I would see Jake cry and it¡¯s the most awful thing I¡¯ve ever witnessed. My heart is broken in two. It has the same effect as watching everyone I love cut down and murdered while I lie useless and watch. I sob into his body in reaction, trying desperately to push away the thoughts running through my mind tormenting me. I stiffen against him, afraid to let him hold me or to let me go; afraid to give in to the thoughts spiraling out of control in my mind, thoughts of him and her; afraid to try to envelope myself in him, for fear of what will consume me. ¡°Please, let me go.¡± I cry silently, begging him to stop making this worse for me. He has no idea of the agony that touching me is causing or how much internal pain it inflicts. He seems topose himself, sensing that I¡¯m unresponsive in his arms and loosens his grip, letting me go. He stands and quickly turns his back to me as he takes several heavy breaths. His posture is that of detion and hopelessness. ¡°I¡¯ll let you leave, Emma, but I can promise you this. I¡¯ll never let you go ¡­ Even if I need to chase you for the rest of my life, I won¡¯t stop trying to get you back.¡± He walks off slowly. I sense it¡¯s before he does something he will regret, like pushing me further away. He pauses by the door taking a final look at my disheveled form lying carelessly on the bed. His discarded, broken woman. Our eyes meet, and it causes the sharpest wrenching kick to my gut, so much sadness and pain mirrored there. Why did you have to kill me so? ¡°If I have to spend the next sixty years begging at your feet, Emma, then I will. You¡¯re the only one for me. The one! ¡­ I love you with every piece of my soul, baby. I won¡¯t ever stop trying to get you back in my life, getting back in your heart. Because I need you.¡± With one final aching look he leaves the room, walking further into the apartment, heading toward one of his many unused guest rooms to give me space. I wish his words could bring me somefort, but they don¡¯t; they only bring heart ripping anger cutting through my grief. If I really meant that much to him then he would¡¯ve never touched her at all. * * * I get up when my body is finally able to hold my weight and I dress quickly. I can¡¯t bear to wander the apartment. I don¡¯t want to see Jake at all. I grab what clothes I can and then with a final walk out the door I press the inte button which summons Mathews into the internal apartment. He appears, dressed in his Men in ck attire, informing me that Jefferson will only be a few minutes. He seems to know what I want, and I guess Jake has brought him up to speed like he always does. Jake is nowhere to be seen, but I can sense him somewhere in the apartment. I can feel his presence. I¡¯m trying not to give way to thoughts of him or else I won¡¯t cope. I need to stay strong to be able to leave. Mathews agrees to have Nora pack and send on the rest of my belongingster today. I¡¯ve made up my mind that I need to walk away, taking all that I am. I need to get organized, get back to Sarah, and home, take time to really think all this through. It¡¯s a n and it¡¯s all that is keeping me held together, the old PA Emma taking over, clinging to organized thoughts and nning to help me get through the worst moment of my life. It¡¯s all so very polite and calm. My requestsing from a seemingly sane person arranging a little trip, while in sheer agony, I try not to show the tormented soul that I am. It¡¯s what I need right now since any emotion would make me crumble at my own feet. Mathews stands polite and silent as I give instructions on certain items I don¡¯t want or couldn¡¯t bear to have with me. His ck hair is speckled with gray, his crinkled eyes highlighting the soft blue kindness in them. He¡¯s maybe in histe forties. I¡¯ve always liked him in a quiet protector always present sort of way. I can see why Jake trusts him to run his security both in and out of his home. He has the air and quiet gentleness of a military man, underlined with a hint of danger. I¡¯ve no doubt he¡¯s the kind of man who would take a bullet for Jake. I like the fact he has Mathews to take care of him now that I won¡¯t be here to do it anymore. I manage to find the old part of me deep inside that shields how I feel, PA Emma, she lifts her chin and sets her face in a nk mask. My body held together only by sheer will as Mathews takes my case and leads me to the elevator at the outer doors of the penthouse apartment. I take onest look around. My heart aches like a dead weight in my body, not for this apartment, since it was never really mine anyway, but for what walking out of it symbolizes. I¡¯ve lost everything just like I thought I would. Not because I let Jake seduce me into a one-night stand but because I fell in love with him. I let go of so many defenses which kept me safe. Yet the oue was the same and I lost him, my job, and our rtionship, here I am again, walking out of his life for the second time, only this time I don¡¯t see a way of evering back. It¡¯s only been a day since I left him, but it feels like an eternity. The apartment is eerily quiet while Sarah and her boyfriend, Marcus, are visiting his family for the next six days. I have all technology switched off, so Jake can¡¯t contact me and I¡¯m slowly dying inside. It doesn¡¯t feel like I belong back here, in this apartment. Queens isn¡¯t where I should be anymore either. The anger sweeps through me, followed closely by grief, then mourning. I can¡¯t seem to be still, every part of me cycling through emotions over and over. I feel like I¡¯m caught in a nightmare I can¡¯t wake up from and everything around me is so surreal. My palms are cold, my body trembles, but I feel hot and sick. I¡¯ve tried to do something other than lie on the bed and sob, but I¡¯ve lost all my capabilities. The years I was hurt and abused at the hands of men used to somehow give me strength to fight back, no matter what they did, my anger fuel me on to be better. But Jake has left me bereft and empty. There¡¯s nothing in me but an agonizing pit of despair and hopelessness as I¡¯m lying crumpled and useless on a bed. Food doesn¡¯t tempt me, I can¡¯t swallow water, and the thought of getting up is abhorrent to me. I¡¯ve thrown up so many times since I got here, maybe a reaction to the emotional trauma. Thoughts of Jake and Marissa run over and over through my head. My imagination taking hold, running wild, seeing them kissing passionately, hands running up and down her body pushing things further. I can¡¯t shake it; every new visualization bes more detailed and more excruciating than thest. I¡¯m literally torturing myself into insanity. I¡¯ve no idea how far things went or how they even started but my mind is slowly tormenting me. I know if I stay here, like this, I¡¯ll slowly go insane or die from starvation. I need to get up and shower, get up and eat, just get up and not lie falling into oblivion. I need to start rationalizing my thoughts to help process what has happened. You need to pick up the pieces and file them into the back of your head. You are better than this! I finally drag myself up, sitting and watching the rain fall down the window from my padded, silver-gray headboard. It seems to echo how I feel inside. The dark gray sky brings a dull light to everything around me in my stark modern room. I¡¯ve no idea what time it is; it ceased to exist the moment he told me what he did. I pull myself to standing, ashamed that I¡¯m still in his T-shirt and running pants, acknowledging the mess of me. I don¡¯t want his smell around me or the memory of him so close. I need to pull myself together and try to look like I¡¯m coping with life, maybe doing this I¡¯ll find my old resolve. I force myself into the small shower of my apartment. The confines of the cheerful pink bathroom Sarah insisted on decorating brings me a littlefort, a minor spark of happiness amid a sea of darkness. A touch of Sarah with her bright happy face pushes Marissa aside for a moment, giving my head respite.Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. Chapter 188 Chapter 188 I¡¯m a little saner from the harsh jets of hot water drilling into my skull, distracting me from my own reality, and stand that way until my legs go numb, like a mindless drone on autopilot. I dress in fresh clothes and brush out my hair before moving to unpack my things into the empty wardrobe. The doorbell ringing snaps my focus around, and I hesitate, stomach lurching in panic. Sarah won¡¯t be back for a few days and I¡¯m not expecting anyone I can think of. Experiencing a moment of fear as my gut tells me it might be him, that maybe he doesn¡¯t want to give me space to think, but I can¡¯t see him so soon. My insides go weak, turning to liquid mush, my legs be rubber, and hands start sweating. I¡¯m close to fainting when sense steps in. Wait! My brain snaps into focus, telling me it¡¯ll be Mathews with my belongings! I asked him to bring them to me sooner rather thanter, wanting the pain of the task out of the way quickly. I feel ridiculous and try to regain some stability in my legs. Get a grip, Emma. Breathe ¡­ Count ¡­ Breathe. I stumble to the door through the open-n lounge opening it hesitantly without checking the spy hole; willing myself to find courage and poise to hide the internal disaster that I am. I¡¯m right and Mathews stands with another man dressed in matching ck, holding cases, a serious expression on his face. I know he¡¯s taking me in, trying to ascertain how I am without asking. It¡¯s what he does, appraises people instantly, analyzing me at a nce. ¡°Miss. Anderson, shall I have everything brought in?¡± His deep gravelly voice isforting. I smile emptily, moving out of the way gesturing they should, finding PA Emma, pushing her out in front to take control of my lifeless body for a while. It doesn¡¯t take long them to bring the cases and boxes in; each time my head and heart hurting a little more. I didn¡¯t realize how much I umted moving in with Jake; ever generous, always flourishing me with clothes via Donna or little surprise things among my jewelry or shoes; even down to books I read. Always finding a new one beside my bed when I was nearing the end of the one I had. He never ceased to anticipate my needs knowing exactly what I¡¯d like. He never made a big thing of it though; no large dancing gesture, presenting me with gifts he knew I¡¯d feel embarrassed about epting ¡­ so he¡¯d slot them in with my things to find while alone. I never refused anything that way, always warmed by the thoughtful touches he left for me. God, I miss him so much. He always knew what I needed. When the men are done, Mathews turns to me at the door, ushering his man out, and gives me a paternal, warm, sympathetic smile. ¡°Miss. Anderson, Mr. Carrero asked me to give you this.¡± His steady gaze taking in the flicker of emotions across my face as he holds out the long slender cream envelope with my name on the front with the achingly bold and beautiful handwritten script of Jake¡¯s on the front. My heart pangs and contracts at the sight of it. I instantly bite on my lip to quell the tears, the heavy swallowing to calm my emotions doesn¡¯t go unnoticed. He gives me a sympathetic look, sliding the envelope into my palm with a brief pat on my shoulder and a nod. ¡°He loves you, ma¡¯am, men are idiots when ites to love and rtionships. We all make mistakes. Just don¡¯t dismiss all you have without really thinking things through. You are his universe, Miss. Anderson.¡± Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. Interesting observation from a man who sees so much and yet is only a mere brief presence in our lives. He smiles at me gently and I nod too, ignoring that tug in my throat which aches so badly. Tears pool in the back of my eyes, my throat throbbing. ¡°Please tell Jake I need time alone. I¡¯m grateful for my things, Mr. Mathews and thank you, really.¡± I smile emptily. He understands that I¡¯m dismissing him before I fall apart, because even hearing Jake¡¯s name brings an unbearable agony that cuts through my core. He nods and says a small farewell before leaving, pulling the door closed behind him. I¡¯m stood stiff and numb, staring at the handle of the door for a few moments, lost in an empty daydream, before my head snaps me into focus and I stare down at the letter in my hand. I¡¯m grasping it so tightly I¡¯ve put a wrinkle across its smooth surface. I walk to the couch and sit down, holding the letter in front of me as though it¡¯s some foreign object I don¡¯t recognize, and I don¡¯t know what to do with. I sit for the longest time and just stare, my heart beating through my chest, my breathingbored. His neat beautiful writing scraping at what¡¯s left of my strength, knowing whatever is inside has the power to fuel another onught of tears and sobs and crushing pain that I¡¯m just not ready for. I get up, walk to my room, and slide it in front of the mirror on my vanity instead. I need time, time to get myself together, before I read it. Jake kissed someone else, Marissa, of all people! Will I ever be ready to face that? To some the act is excusable, maybe even understandable, considering everything that went on leading up to it. I can¡¯t change how irreversibly it has hurt me. It¡¯s about trust, betrayal, and security. He did something as painful as full-on sex. He touched her and gave her something that should only belong to me from the second he gave me his heart, regardless to what pain he was feeling. He gave his touch to someone he knew would crush me. The woman he will be tied to for an eternity because of her unborn child. I know drunk Jake can be irrational and impulsive, fueled by rage, but there¡¯s still a part of me that shakes its head sadly. If he loved me then he wouldn¡¯t have been able to throw me aside so carelessly and cruelly turning to that woman and doing something so vindictive. Maybe this is what I deserve in life. Maybe this is my retribution because of the insecure afraid of emotion weird mess that I am who pushed him away for so long, even though I¡¯ve no doubt that Jake loves me. I¡¯ve seen it so many times in the ways he¡¯s changed his life for me. I¡¯ve no doubt that he regrets what he¡¯s done. I would be blind not to see it written all over him, but it¡¯s not any of that which holds me here. It¡¯s knowing I may never be able to trust him again; letting my insecurities expand beyond control, knowing I¡¯ll always be second guessing him anytime he leaves me alone. Always doubting if he has unresolved feelings for Marissa. It¡¯s a ck mark in our almost perfect union, a hideous ugly scar, forever there between us. He showed me that all men, even the ones who love you, can still crush you so easily. I know I have me in this too, maybe that¡¯s why I can¡¯t hate him, maybe it¡¯s why even as I¡¯m dying inside, all I want is him. The source of my pain is my only cure and as much as I hate what he¡¯s done, as much anger and hurt there is inside of me, I can¡¯t stop pining for him. It makes me more messed-up in the head and unable to get my thoughts straight. Chapter 189 Chapter 189 I spend the next several days locked in my own solitude, leaving only to buy groceries then returning home. I¡¯ve mindlessly sat through so many hours of daytime TV and horrible romantic movies that make me want to throw books at the screen. Sarah should be back soon, and I don¡¯t want her to see what I¡¯ve be; some slobbish, tear-stained, mess of a girl who¡¯s been living in a sea of junk food, chocte wrappers, and screwed up tissues. ssy look, Emma; really holding yourself together, aren¡¯t you? After a much-needed pep talk and a long agonizing look in the mirror I am finally so sick of my depressive mood and disgusting behavior. I force myself to get up and stop moping around like a broken-hearted zombie, doing anything to stop mulling it over in my brain. I busy myself with cleaning the apartment, wiping away hours of lying around sobbing into tissues eating carbs; the endless sea of clothes on my floor I can¡¯t bear to look at, all tied viciously to memories of him. I need to get myself together and show Sarah I can be who I used to be. I can pretend at being in control for her sake, by looking as I should, and having our home as neatly kept as we usually do. I won¡¯t inflict this person I¡¯ve be on her when she gets back. I¡¯m ashamed of who she is. I have texts from him and emails, all unopened, the bunches of flowers and expensive gifts sent to my door all turned away. Jake¡¯s trying so hard to reach through my wall of silence and contact me but as I told him on every returned gift card: Leave me be, give me time. X Every time the bell goes, the pain of being betrayed rears its ugly head, with each bunch of gorgeous flowers more extravagant than thest, choctes, jewelry, and even a stuffed bear holding a broken heart. Each one causing a flood of tears and a ravaged heart. It¡¯s been hell trying to tell the couriers to take them back, that I don¡¯t want any of them. Inflicting my sobbing, manic, blubbering, messed-up self on any delivery guy brave enough to try to give me any of Jake¡¯s gestures, pping my hands to motion them out of my sight. It¡¯s all too much to bear and now I¡¯ve muted the inte, so drivers assume no one is home. I can¡¯t fault him for trying to reach me, not a day has passed that he hasn¡¯t tried, but I¡¯m not ready to face this or him just yet. My head is a mess; my body is a mess; my emotions are a mess. I feel like I¡¯ve been cut loose and left adrift. I can¡¯t focus on a single thing. I¡¯ve never experienced this kind of torment. I thought being sent away by Jake, to his dad¡¯spany, was the worst pain I would ever endure in my life, but this tops that. This is excruciating. At night, I barely sleep and reach for him when I do. I dream of him and each dream gives way to my old night terrors, waking me up in panic, causing me to dive toward my headboard. I pull my covers to my chest trying to fight off the shadowsing at me as I drag myself out of my mind, desperate to fully wake up. Those nights are the worst, drenched in sweat and fear, gasping in panic as I p at the shadows around me. I wake up, often hoping that it¡¯s all been a dream and that I¡¯m in his apartment again. Held captive by his limbs, and he¡¯s right there beside me to make me feel safe, but every time, my body gives way to sobbing when I realize where I am. I¡¯ve cried so much I¡¯m not sure how my body still has any fluids left but it seems I have a never-ending supply reserved just for him, exhaustion is the only thing which helps numb the pain; my head is foggy with fatigue constantly. * * * ¡°Emma?¡± Sarah¡¯s worried voice hits me as I¡¯m scrubbing the cooker for the fiftieth time, her arms flying around me as she sees me. I didn¡¯t even hear here in. I finally caved a few hours ago, in a phone call while she got ready to travel home and told her why I was here, unable to talk through tears but she finally understood. ¡°Oh, my God! I was frantic the whole flight, desperate to get back to you.¡± She croons, holding me tight and I rx into her embrace, holding myself together, telling myself to not fall apart. To not be the girl who crumbles when her friend asks how she is. ¡°I¡¯m okay, Sarah ¡­ Better than I was thest couple of days.¡± a numbness has started to envelope me most of the time, making me able to cope with menial tasks and mindless routines in an almost zombie like state. I turn in her arms and spot Marcus scurrying away with cases to her room, a typical man avoiding female tears, a real charmer. Jake would have brushed them away for me and asked me to tell him all about it. He would¡¯ve wiped the floor with the likes of Marcus and his evasive behavior to female tears. I push down the thought and bite my lip. I can¡¯t keep torturing myself this way. Stop thinking about him. ¡°Is this it? Are you really walking away from what you had?¡± She gazes at me with an intense frown. ¡°He made a mistake, Emma ¡­ He¡¯s human.¡± Her revtion takes me by surprise; makes me stop what I¡¯m doing and gape at her. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°On our call, you were all for me kicking him the balls if I remember.¡± I point out in surprise, a look of complete disbelief etched on my face, in truth I¡¯m more than a little hurt. ¡°Yeah, but then I had time to simmer and think about everything, Ems ¡­ Jake really loves you. I don¡¯t think this is something he¡¯d ever repeat.¡± She looks incredibly sincere at this very moment. Why am I shocked? She¡¯s given Marcus so many chances in the past and here he is again. She¡¯s just another version of my mother, letting a man hurt you then crawling back to him again. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m going to do. I¡¯m beyond confused.¡± I admit, ncing down between us at the way she¡¯s holding both of my hands tightly, a sudden urge to haul her into my arms and cry. I don¡¯t miss the old me who never allowed this kind of touch between us. It¡¯sforting and so necessary to me right now. ¡°Emma, think about it, he could¡¯ve done more than a kiss ¡­ He could¡¯ve taken her back to her hotel and done the deed. As soon as he kissed her, he knew he¡¯d fucked-up, right?¡± Her hopeful blue gaze bores into my face and I try to ignore it. I can¡¯t deny the Jake of old would have thought nothing of screwing some girl from a bar, even screwing Marissa if he was drunk enough. He¡¯d done that already, the baby proof of that. I quash down the vile thoughts of his body entwined with hers, revulsion pushing up my throat at the traumatic visions going through my mind. ¡°So, you think I should just forget it ¡­ Brush it off as nothing?!¡± I snap, yanking my hands away, of all people I expected Sarah to be on my side. But not this! ¡°No of course I don¡¯t, he¡¯s hurt you, Emma. But I think you can move past this and be with him again when you¡¯re ready.¡± She sounds so young and pleading. I don¡¯t want this version of Sarah. I want her jokes on what she would do to maim him in her unrelenting loyalty to me; dragging his name through dirt, calling him all the cusswords she can think of. Instead she¡¯s championing him making me feel anger that hasin dormant the past few days. ¡°It¡¯s not just the kiss ¡­ It¡¯s who he kissed!¡± I stamp, pulling myself away heading to the couch and slumping down. Trying hard to simmer the wave or irritation growing in my belly. ¡°It was her ¡­ Marissa. The one person I hate more than anyone and the one person that can truly kill everything between us.¡± the tears sting my eyes at the mention of that bitch¡¯s name, and I bite them back defiantly. Not while her name is on my lips, I wouldn¡¯t dare. That bitch will never get my tears. ¡°It probably wasn¡¯t a choice, Emma, just a coincidence. Someone or anyone that happened to throw themselves at him because that¡¯s how much he was hurting; how irrational he was being ¡­ There was no attraction in it.¡± She raises her hands almost in exasperation and meets my furious scowl. How are you so sure, Sarah, because I don¡¯t even know!? ¡°If he loved me then he wouldn¡¯t have so cruelly kissed her.¡± I spit, her stance unmoving, arms folded across her chest as though dealing with a petnt child. Her voice is steady and stern with a look in her eye that belongs on a school mistress. ¡°If he didn¡¯t love you then he wouldn¡¯t have done anything at all, Emma, it¡¯s because he was in an incredible amount of heartache that he stupidly did it. You hurt each other. He only found outter that you were just bluffing about the other guy, but you still rejected him.¡± She walks forward sliding down beside me regarding me, pleading, and takes my hands gently but I turn my face away defying her defense of him. ¡°He should¡¯ve known I would never do anything like that, and I didn¡¯t reject him, I just said it was too soon.¡± a tear rolls down my cheek; my head is in chaos again. I never seem to be able to get any of this straight in my head, at exactly whose fault this is, if I should¡¯ve done anything differently, or how we could¡¯ve prevented all this. ¡°Men can be idiots, especially drunk and emotional men. He was already hurting because he felt like you rejected him. With an ego like his I¡¯m sure that was a devastating thing, Ems, and the other guy comment sent him over the edge. Maybe he just figured you had finally realized he wasn¡¯t what you wanted anymore.¡± She¡¯s trying to sound soft, but I just feel so angry and enraged. ¡°Well then he¡¯s an idiot because he was everything that I wanted and needed. I would¡¯ve followed him to the ends of the fucking Earth.¡± I sob, unleashing a heart-breaking cry so raw even Sarah is silenced by shock. She watches me withrge blue eyes and her lip trembles. ¡°Emma?¡± she finally whispers, leaving me to calm to a gentle sniffing, my anger deting before she continues, ¡°If he¡¯s everything to you then why would you reject a home with him?¡± She watches me closely, regarding me with a confused and gentle expression on her face. ¡°Because I¡¯m scared,¡± I admit finally. ¡°I¡¯m scared that I¡¯m not enough to keep him with me for a lifetime. I¡¯m scared of letting someone else take the lead and losing all that I am. I¡¯m scared of this new life he¡¯s offering me that could be taken away at any minute.¡± It¡¯s then that I realize I¡¯ve never believed in myself, never thought I could keep someone like him for more than a few blissful months, let alone a marriage and life. That I could be more than my career, and give him something, anything equivalent to all that he was trying to give me. Even now I feel like I never really deserved any of it. I have so much to thank my mother and her lovers for; a self-doubt so huge I¡¯m too scared to let myself be happy. Jake is right, I¡¯m incapable of ever fully letting go or letting him in all the way. Chapter 190 Chapter 190 ¡°Emma, I believe he¡¯s the one for you, mistakes aside. I truly believe you¡¯ll never find another love or happiness in the way you found it with him. He seems to know what you need, almost instinctively, and he gives you it. He understands you. You have no idea how rare that is.¡± She tightens her grasp on my hand and gazes at me fondly. Those tropical blue eyes twinkling with love. ¡°You changed someone like him, Emma, he changed you, you have no idea how huge that is. I don¡¯t think he¡¯ll ever look anywhere else again if you give him another chance, no, in fact I know he won¡¯t.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t just push aside what he did.¡± I sigh. ¡°But you can learn to forgive him, and you can only do that by talking to him and seeing what happens next.¡± She strokes back my hair from my face wiping away some of the wetness on my cheek. ¡°You can¡¯t wallow in here and hide away forever.¡± ¡°It hurts me when I think of him, or even see his name on a text or an email. I can¡¯t bear to open any that he¡¯s sent; not even the letter Mathews brought the first day.¡± I shrug at her hauling my hair across my face twisting it harshly. Lately, every anxiety driven habit and fidget I¡¯d learned to control has returned tenfold, reminding me of him and his warm hands pulling my fingers from my hair. I yank my hands away clenching my fists to curb the urge. ¡°You¡¯re doing what you always do, you¡¯re pushing it away, denying its effect on you. It¡¯s hurting you trying to catch it all in that little ck box in your head, but it won¡¯t work with this. You look awful.¡± Sarah smiles at me but I can see the concern in her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not telling you to run back to him with open arms, just go see him ¡­ Or let hime see you. Talking is the only way forward.¡± The way she inclines her head with a knowing look gives me a tingle of suspicion. Something in that ¡®know it all¡¯ expression makes me stop and take note. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°He¡¯s talked to you, hasn¡¯t he?¡± I finally click that she knows more than I managed to say through hysterical tears, and she changed her whole attitude in thest few hours since my call. I¡¯m not dumb, only Jake could¡¯ve given her the insight that I don¡¯t have. The way she¡¯s been fighting to give him a chance when only hours ago she wanted to rip that pretty head from his wide, strong shoulders. More like his asshole head and arrogant shoulders. Man up, Emma! ¡°Yes, he did. I wasn¡¯t sure if I should tell you. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind if I¡¯m being honest. He gave me his number a while back when I couldn¡¯t get through to you at work and had to call your main office.¡± She looks away sheepishly as though she¡¯s done something wrong. ¡°What did he say? How did he sound?¡± I can¡¯t help myself, it¡¯s like dangling alcohol in front of a drunk, any tiny insight into Jake right now is what I need and crave, even if it¡¯s something I¡¯m not sure my frayed emotions can handle right now. I know how contradictory my reaction is to what I¡¯ve been thinking, but it¡¯s an instinctive impulse I have no control over. ¡°He sounded so ¡­ broken. The first thing he said was ¡°How is she?¡± ¡­ That kind of threw me.¡± She shrugs nonchntly. ¡°I was all set to yell at him but then I sort of didn¡¯t, he sounded like a man who¡¯s living through hell Emma ¡­ Not very Jake Carrero at all.¡± I swallow hard, returning my focus to my hand, as the tremble in my lips betrays my urge to cry. I don¡¯t want to hear how hurt he is or how different he is. I want to know my domineering cocky asshole is still in there. I need him to be the Jake I love. ¡°Tell me ¡­¡± I stumble over the words like lead in my mouth. ¡°¡­ Tell me what he told you.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s besting from him sweetheart? He told me because he needed someone to offload to, someone who would be on your side. Someone he knew loves you as much as he does. I think he wanted me to see it from his side and somehow maybe if I could understand it then he would have a chance at getting you to understand too.¡± The honesty in her eyes makes me break. ¡°No ¡­ I couldn¡¯t bear to hear him say any of it. I don¡¯t think I could handle it. Please Sarah.¡± I turn to her with watery, pleading, eyes, and a grim expression. My pain is so visible she lets out a small cry of sympathy, the sound of it makes my heart thump harder in my chest. She thinks for a long while before resigning herself to saying more, my begging gaze boring into her, weakening her resolve. Defeat in her eyes as she slowly gives in to my silent willing. ¡°He barely kissed her, Ems ¡­ seconds at most, and then felt an almighty kick in his gut. He said he knew instantly he was throwing away everything that mattered to him, that he was being an idiot, so he turned around and walked away. Left her standing in the club. He went home with Daniel until he was ready to face you.¡± She looks at me, waiting for some sort of response, and when I don¡¯t give one, she carries on. ¡°He said he switched on his phone when he couldn¡¯t stand it any longer and had two messages and a voicemail from you. It was like having his heart ripped out all over again. He knew as soon as he saw them, he¡¯d lost you. He knew the second he told you what he¡¯d done you would go.¡± She sighs and raises her eyebrows in an ¡®I¡¯m sorry¡¯ kind of gesture. ¡°I just don¡¯t get how he could do that to me.¡± I sob as pain sears through my chest despite her telling me something I already know. I bite down the burning knot of agony in my throat, fighting down the words trying toe out of my mouth. ¡°He¡¯s a man, Emma ¡­ He¡¯s human and not perfect. God, you¡¯ve told me how many times before how imperfect your Boss was? He¡¯s still the same guy; except now you love him. We all have insecurities, and we all jump to conclusions and make stupid mistakes, even him.¡± She hands me the box of tissues from the side. No one knows more than me that we¡¯re capable of irrationality when insecurity raises its head. I am the queen of insecurity and jealousy. ¡°What if I can never forgive him? Never stop feeling this broken?¡± Fresh tears roll down my cheeks, hopelessness devouring me. ¡°I promise you that you can move on from this, and if he¡¯s the guy for you, he¡¯ll earn your forgiveness a thousand times over. I really have faith that he will Emma.¡± She tips my chin with her fingers, so I look at her. ¡°He really loves you in a way that makes me kind of jealous.¡± She smiles, casting her eyes to her shut bedroom door. ¡°Not all men are so easy to love or show it so openly. But Jake and you, I think you¡¯re the exception to the rule, you two really are the fairy-tale couple despite his impulse to fuck it up all the time. He dotes on you in a way most men aren¡¯t capable of and he doesn¡¯t care who sees it either.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t feel like it right now.¡± I sigh, wiping my nose with my sleeve, ungraceful andpletely angst pushed. The old Emma would be rolling in her metaphorical grave right now. ¡°Don¡¯t walk away from him ¡­ I¡¯m not saying that for him, I¡¯m saying it for you. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever see you get over him if you do.¡± She sets a serious look on her gentle face. ¡°You owe it to yourself to try to forgive him, if you can¡¯t then at least you know you tried.¡± Sarah¡¯s warmth calms me bringing some sense of numb back to the ache in my chest. ¡°You really want the apartment to yourself, don¡¯t you?¡± I smile through my watery tears and Sarah giggles. ¡°Totally! It is my love nest after all.¡± We bothugh, softly, releasing a tiny bit of the tension. ¡°You know you can stay here forever. I would love nothing more, but really I want you to be happy and I think it¡¯ll only happen when you¡¯re back with him.¡± Typical. Find happiness in the arms of the one person who can destroy you. ¡°What should I do?¡± I finally sniff, still so confused at the riot of emotions and thoughts coursing through my head. ¡°Read the letter, the messages, and emails. Then maybe reply to one of them and take it from there.¡± She presses a palm to my cheek in a surprisingly maternal way. ¡°Do what you feel is best for you. But don¡¯t just sit festering, doing nothing.¡± Sarah gets up and walks to her door, leaving me to digest our conversation. ¡°I need to go unpack and see Marcus, tell him it¡¯s safe toe out. He has a phobia of women¡¯s tears and a public show of real emotions. Just yell if you need me, okay?¡± She smiles at me widely and I realize she still has her coat on froming home. She didn¡¯t even stop to take it off beforeing and being here for me. I love you, Sarah. ¡°I¡¯ll be in my room ¡­ Reading.¡± I sigh, resigning myself to following her advice for once, unable to stop the trembling in my body but my mind is made up, even if every part of me is screaming in fear. Sarah halts and throws me a wink and a smile. ¡°I was hoping you¡¯d say that.¡± Chapter 191 Chapter 191 I stare at the folded paper in my hand, with shaking fingers, the envelope discarded, now lying on the bed with his neat scroll on the front. I take an eternity to run my fingers across the neat lettering, pain shooting through me from every angle. I inhale deeply steadying my nerves, unfolding the thick cream paper, biting my lip. I drag courage from somewhere telling myself I should dive in and do it. Emma, I¡¯m sorry, bambino, so extremely sorry. I don¡¯t even know what writing to you is going to achieve, but I had to do something. I saw them packing up every piece of you and I had to stop myself from tearing it out of their hands and holding onto it all. I can¡¯t bear it. I feel like everything they remove is a sh across my heart. I know I don¡¯t deserve you, I don¡¯t deserve your forgiveness, but I¡¯ll do anything to have it, anything to get you back. I made a stupid mistake, I wasn¡¯t thinking clearly, and I wanted tosh out at everyone. I¡¯ll never hurt you again, I swear, just give me a chance to fight for you. I¡¯ll never give you reason to doubt me again. I hurt the one person I love and need more than anything in the world. I won¡¯t ever make that mistake again, being here without you is a torture, so unbearable I can¡¯t breathe. I can¡¯t get you out of my head or the way you looked at me when I told you what I¡¯d done. It was like a knife being thrust deep into my chest and turned and I know what I¡¯ve done. You don¡¯t need to punish me, baby, nothing is as bad as this and no punishment coulde close to the pain I¡¯m in right now without you. I¡¯ve never felt regret like this before and never intend to earn it again. Please. Talk to me. I just want to see you, look at you, and have you near. I¡¯m slowly going insane without you, baby. I need you. I love you and I can¡¯t, won¡¯t lose you. I¡¯ll fix this. Just give me a chance. Jake x Tears roll down my cheeks dripping onto the paper and I watch in agony as some of the ink from his signed name bleeds across the surface. I watch in dismay as his name bes a blur of stained grey and throw the letter on the bed as though it¡¯s burned me. It hurts more than I thought it would, reading something he wrote for me, connecting to him in some small way. It hurts because I miss him, so damn much and I¡¯m literally dying of pain. Everything he wrote makes me ache and want to see him more. I¡¯m so confused; in turmoil about what to do. His words have cut me to the core with longing and anger, so much love from one man. Yet he¡¯s capable of cutting out my heart in one selfish childish act. I want him right here with me, but my mind wants to punish him by staying away. I pull my phone out of the bedside drawer and switch it back on. I turned it off days ago, after his third text, unable to cope anymore, hoping to find relief in the silence. I needed a break to be alone and process things. It bursts back into life and I try to steady the inner wave of tears and fear waiting to drown me. I need to do this if I have any desire to move forward in any way. I need to see what he wants to say and decide where I go from there. Sarah is right. I can¡¯t dwell on hoping that I¡¯ll wake up fine tomorrow and forget all about it. The only way to sort this is to face it head on and start taking steps to either fix us or forget him. When my phone is fully caught up, I flick to my texts from him, opening the oldest one unread in the row on disy. I love you and I miss you xx I¡¯m sorry, baby. J N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. I bite my lip and quell the new onught of tears, moving to the next text quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid fast, trying to avoid the overemotional response to each one. I wish you would just say something, anything. Even if it¡¯s to just yell at me and tell me you hate me. Silence is torture. Xxx J My hand¡¯s tremble as I trace the words on my screen. My heart aching for him like a pathetic idiot. My fingers hover on the kisses longingly for a moment before I shake myself out of it. I notice under the third message is one more; a new one received when my phone was off, updating now. Tell me what to do. What you need from me. Talk to me. Please. Xxx J Another punch in the gut and another tear to my collection, I sigh, biting back the tremble on my bottom lip and push the next one open. I can¡¯t do this; I¡¯m going to end up banging down your door just to see you. Please, Emma. Reply or something. I got every bunch of flowers, every piece of jewelry, and every gift sent back to me. Emails ignored; texts ignored. You¡¯re not giving me any choice but to show up and fight for you, baby. I love you too damn much to let this go and I¡¯m going crazy with this silence, we had so much, too much, to just let it end this way. Xxx J My breath catches in my throat at thest one, a mix of heartbreak and something else, a tingle of something I can¡¯t even pinpoint. I should be angry with the way he¡¯s text me but strangely I¡¯m not. He should be groveling at my feet for my forgiveness. This is the Jake I need to see. The one who ignores all andes pounding after me regardless. The Jake who came after me to Chicago despite me saying no. The Jake who always pursues me because he can¡¯t help being the dominant one. Do I want Jake to show up and break down my door just to see me? Prove to me he will fight for me? Maybe I do. Maybe it¡¯s partly what I need from him, that instinctual way he cuts through everything, to come for me regardless of protest. I shake the thought aside and open my email app, logging into my personal ount quickly, before I can linger on my confusing thoughts, there are two. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes song. Jake Carrero has sent you Beyonc¨¦¨CHalo. Attached message ¨C I never had a way to resist letting you in, you¡¯re my angel baby. The light in my world, the reason I want to be better, you¡¯re in everything I look at, you¡¯re always around me even when you¡¯re not here. You¡¯re the voice in my head that tells me to be a better man. I waited a lifetime to find you and I¡¯m not going to lose you now. Talk to me Emma, Please. I need to know what you¡¯re feeling and thinking. I won¡¯t just lose you without a fight. Xx J. The use of our old mode ofmunication hits me like a punch to the heart; painful yet not. Memories of how sweet he can be, how attentive, funny, and loving. It confuses me more and despite myself I press y on the song as I agonize over his sweet words. Listening to it almost breaks me, more tears and more internal assault, as I imagine Jake saying every single word to me. I can¡¯t stop the ache of longing or the insane depths to which I miss him. Each lyric wing at me reminding me of all the good in him and the way he shows me love, the way he¡¯s always expressed his devotion without any hesitation, it hurts so much. When the song ends, it lingers in my head for a while before I have the strength to read hisst email. Thoughts of his touch, his kiss, his heart like a bittersweet torture. I tried your cell and got your answering machine a dozen times. I hate that you don¡¯t want to talk to me. Just tell me what to do, baby ¡­ Please. I¡¯m literally on my knees begging here. Xxxx J I have no clue in which order the emails and texts were sent, my head too frazzled to care. The point is I¡¯ve done it. I¡¯ve read them, despite the emotional turmoil, the tears, and the ache to see him and yet, I¡¯m still breathing. The salty warm tears are pouring down my face and I slump back onto my bed staring at the ceiling, my head a whirling mass of crazy emotions and thoughts. I don¡¯t know what to say to him or what I need from him. I¡¯ve never been here before, never dealt with this kind of heart ache, or been in a situation where I¡¯ve freely given my trust away only to have it wrenched apart like a worthless rag. The thought of never seeing him again destroys me but the thought of him brings a full vision of his mouth on hers that tortures me. I¡¯m so stuck between two excruciating realities I can¡¯t breathe. I hold the phone above my face and read his texts once more, wanting his nearness through the only contact I¡¯ve allowed. My heart constricts and twists inside of me. I devour the messages over and over, memorizing them until etched into my heart, absorbing the words, letting the slice of agony they cause dim. Trying to find calm in my chaos yet still being connected to him in some small way. What do I say? If I say nothing he¡¯lle here at some point, I know him. Jake won¡¯t sit back forever and wait. Do I even want him toe? I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s what I want; my mind and body are at odds with one another, fighting a grand battle to the death. Self-preservation, PA Emma, telling me to keep him out, the new weaker me begging to let hime. I sit up, take a deep breath, and wipe my face, steeling myself to do this; to do something. I don¡¯t want him to sit suffering with my silence indefinitely, despite the pain he¡¯s caused me. I can¡¯t do that to him. I can¡¯t keep inflicting silence when he¡¯s trying in any way possible to reach out to me. My hands tremble as I impulsively type a response. I needed head space to think. I¡¯m confused and heartbroken. You hurt me. I don¡¯t know what I need from you so how can I tell you what to do? X Emma. I look at the text before I send it then inhale heavily, emotions swirling up again, my hands shaking violently. If I don¡¯t know how to deal with my head, then what chance does he have? This day may kill me after all. My phone beeps secondster. My heart skipping a beat, and when I swipe my phone my fingers shake. Let me pick you up so we can talk face to face. X J I inhale sharply as panic sets in knowing it¡¯s too soon. I don¡¯t know if I can handle seeing him right now. My heart bleeds that he¡¯s so quick to connect, like he¡¯s been waiting, it feels like he¡¯s right here beside me. But he¡¯s not, he¡¯s somewhere alone, mirroring what I¡¯m doing, touching me instantly when I need him, like he always has done. What happens if I can never handle seeing him again? What happens if this destroys everything, so I can never move on? Maybe it¡¯s better to try to see what happens rather than hide and die a slow painful death of heartbreak? I grab onto my hair at the temples of my head tugging in frustration, my emotions and brain are tormenting me relentlessly. I can¡¯t pick one path to follow and it¡¯s driving me insane. I take my phone from myp and stare at it, taking a deep and calming breath before deciding what to do and what to say. Not yet. I need time to digest all the messages and your letter. I only just read them. Give me time, that¡¯s all I ask. My response to your song, Jake, Beyonc¨¦, ¡°Broken-Hearted Girl¡± X I sigh with a deted breath as it sends onto him. My heart aching a little, but I can¡¯t see him, not yet. This war raging inside of me, relentlessly consuming my thoughts, needs to be dealt with first. The song expressing the craziness of what¡¯s going on inside of me. I¡¯m scared about his response, holding my phone with bated breath. I wonder if he¡¯ll listen to the song, pondering it and then my phone beeps. Chapter 192 Chapter 192 You¡¯re killing me, Emma. I¡¯ll do what you ask. Xxx I love you so much. I don¡¯t feel any better with his response, an inner wave of disappointment that he¡¯s not trying to change my mind. Anger boils up inside of me,ing from nowhere, and with it the impulse to smash my phone off a wall. What the hell is wrong with me? What is with my undying need to make Jakee after me and devour me? It was the same when we fought after Arrick¡¯s birthday. My anger wanted him to take me with a vicious passion, as though he had no control, and now here I am angry because he isn¡¯t ignoring my wishes and pushing his way here to see me. It¡¯s like I need the extreme from him. Maybe theck of real love in my life growing up has caused this deep aching desire to have someone show their love in dominant ways. I can¡¯t begin to analyze that right now. All I know is I want him to take away my decision to not see him, let his own needs takeover, that¡¯s the Jake who swept me into his world. The guy who never took NO as an answer and pursued me regardless. God. Maybe I do need therapy after all. There¡¯s a gentle knock on my door and Sarah pops her head around warily. Her eyes flickering over me in a very analytical way; she¡¯s clearly assessing my mental state. ¡°Emma ¡­ honey? Are you up for a visitor? There¡¯s someone here to see you.¡± She looks sheepish and my heart plummets in cold fear. Oh, my God, he didn¡¯t?! He couldn¡¯t?! I really don¡¯t want to see him. Forget all that pushing his way in stuff ¡­ NO! She sees my face pale visibly and immediately cuts in. ¡°No, no, not him ¡­ God no ¡­ That girl you told me about. Le?¡± She smiles in an almost terrifying effort at bravery and I sag with breathless relief. Oh lord ¡­ Le. I get up and start adjusting my casual, rumpled, clothes self-consciously. I must look like a fright. My hair is wild, my face is tear-stained and puffy, God knows how crushed and dirty my lounge wear is. Sarah takes my fussing as a cue to let Lee in. Within seconds the whirlwind that is Le bounds in, dressed from head to toe in a gray tracksuit with fur trim and silver sparkly trainers. She¡¯s like my modern-day Fairy Godmother. A crazybination of sporty woman and cute child. She practically knocks me over with the force of her hug and over energetic hand gestures. ¡°Jake is an actual fucking idiot.¡± She releases me enough to gaze up at me with angry eyes, carrying on her dramatic emphasizing signnguage. ¡°I told him as much before I threw the contents of his kitchen at him a couple of hours ago,plete fucking idiot ¡­ I swear. Him and that shithead best mate of his both need a major fucking brain overhaul.¡± ¡°Le, you did what?!¡± I gasp in shock, unsure if this is what I really want Jake to be enduring right now. I can visualize her fiery little self, causing chaos in his immacte kitchen with her mad temper. Images of her mounting a full-on arsenal of pans and cutlery flies through my head as Jake ducks and weaves to avoid collision. ¡°Yeah I did! It¡¯s not like he can¡¯t afford some new gadgets and a clean-up crew. I¡¯m just sorry I have such a shit aim. He was stupid enough to tell me why you were no longer at the apartment; fuckwit!¡± She grins at me and I can¡¯t help but smile back, beautiful, crazy, little Le. I wish that smile meant she was joking but I know it¡¯s unlikely. I would never like to be on the wrong side of that small blonde cyclone in full fury. I can only specte that, despite his own ferocity even Jake was probably slightly scared. ¡°Please tell me you didn¡¯t mark that face though? As much as I hate him right now it would be devastating to know you ruined it.¡± I catch her wrist as she fusses with my mess of hair and just shake my head out of her palms. I know this mess is beyond repair and her efforts arepletely futile. ¡°Stop right now with that pouty look of despair, and no, I didn¡¯t ¡­ Lucky for him he¡¯s got fast reflexes. Pity his brain doesn¡¯t have the same skills. We¡¯re going to get you dressed up and go somewhere cozy, for cocktails, music, and a girl chat. It¡¯s an order not a request.¡± She lets me go and starts yanking through the cases of clothes on my floor that I still haven¡¯t had the heart to unpack; pulling dresses loose and holding them up to investigate. ¡°I really don¡¯t think I¡¯m up for this.¡± I balk at her, my voice on the pleading side. My stomach is doing somersaults at the mere thought of venturing into the public domain. ¡°It¡¯s about time I made good with your side chick through there, can¡¯t have my girl mooning around with another woman without getting a look in, bet you¡¯re d I like threesomes.¡± She winks at me with that devilish air that can only be described as Le. She¡¯s not going to take no for an answer. I sigh heavily and brace my hands on my hips trying to look more authoritative. ¡°Le. I really look like crap and I¡¯m just not in the mood¡­¡± ¡°Shh, not a word. Your job is to do as you¡¯re told and let Auntie Le take care of everything.¡± With one stubborn Le look I know I¡¯ve no hope in hell of arguing my way out of this. I sigh for the hundredth time as I sit across from Le and Sarah in a small booth of a trendy little cocktail bar. I feel like crap. I don¡¯t want to be here, but the force that is Le not only whipped me into a dress and heels, and a face of make-up, but also cajoled Sarah out with us too. Sarah is inplete awe of this sassy, little whirlwind and I can tell, Sarah really loves her, like everyone else who ever meets her. ¡°Sex on the beach?¡± Le blinks at me innocently. I blink back, gulping, instantly incredibly awkward. ¡°What?¡± My head immediately zooming to the week Jake took me to the Caribbean and I flush with both the memory and the heartache. Why the hell would Le be asking me this right now? ¡°It¡¯s a drink, Emma.¡± Sarah cuts in cupping her hand over mine. She¡¯s still being the gentle and sweet maternal one; still anticipating my moods, mothering me. Meanwhile, Le is being a rather bossy and domineering little pest. ¡°Get that look off your face, by the time we leave I¡¯m going to have you smiling and pissed. Broken hearts are cured with lots of delicious alcohol and you know ¡­ the quickest way to get over a man, is to get under a new one.¡± She winks naughtily, grinning, as my stomach hits my ankles and a cloak of dread passes through me. This was so not a good idea. Le ispletely nuts. Le shoves Sarah¡¯s hand back from the top of mine with a rather sassy eyebrow raise. ¡°Stop molly coddling her. She¡¯s made of much tougher stuff and this new all teary Emma is not a good look. I swear if you don¡¯t suck it up a little for one night I may have to get my whip out.¡± Le¡¯s words hit me, almost like a p, and I try to ignore the whip thing, wondering how serious she really is. She¡¯s goddamn right! I am not someone who sits and cries their way through life¡¯s upsets. I¡¯m stronger than this. I also think that secretly, Le is really a sadist. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. I lift my chin and paste a defiant smile on my face. Meeting Le¡¯s approving wink instantly, her nod of pride at the show of my old self. ¡°Yes, sex on the beach all round!¡± I chirp up, trying to sound brighter, my heart trying desperately to push down the resistance and tears. Sarah regards at me a little warily before shrugging and leaning back into her chair with a resigned look on her face. ¡°Why not? Been ages since I had to get through a shift with a hangover.¡± She shrugs. Chapter 193 Chapter 193 ¡°Oh, my God! Le get down!¡± I¡¯mughing so hard my sides hurt as Le dances along the bar top shimmying and singing full pelt into the wireless mic of the karaoke machine. She¡¯s in full rock star mode, strutting her stuff like a coyote ugly wannabe. Sarah is so drunk she¡¯s sprawled over the bar; laughing at my poor attempts to control the wild petite blonde. ¡°Leave her alone honey, she looks mighty fine up there.¡± Some sleazy fat man grabs my wrist tugging my arm from Le¡¯s leg and I recoil in disgust at his touch. His eyes travel up under the dress she borrowed from me to wear and my repulsion grows into something more empowering; seething anger. I elbow him hard in the ribs and stand back with a feisty re when hees around at me. ¡°What the hell is wrong with you? Crazy bitch!¡± He moves in angrily, but my inner anger and psycho switch clicks on, pulling my height up to its full length in readiness, too drunk to care about what I¡¯m doing or any subsequent consequences. Bring it on asshole! ¡°That¡¯s enough. Do you need me to escort you out, Tom?¡± The bartender cuts in, sliding the empty ss away from the man, with a warning re. The man snaps his attention to the burly tender, with his bulging muscles and no-nonsense expression, and sneers my way. ¡°Fucking bitch ¡­ No. I¡¯m going anyway.¡± The chubby older man turns on his heel and stalks off, leaving me feeling a little smug. I¡¯m trying to ignore the deep welt of pain growing inside of me, managing to convince myself that it has nothing to do with the anger inside of my broken heart. Anger is a good emotion for me right now. It¡¯s pushing away the mncholy from thest few hours. I¡¯ve been thinking about Jake almost every second, despite the alcohol fueled party mood that Le has inflicted on me, and I¡¯m trying my hardest not to let it show for fear of Le¡¯s wrath. ¡°Try not to get yourself into a fight honey. Some of the regrs can be prissy as shit.¡± The tender winks at me and moves off to tend to the crowded bar. I re after him, drink bringing out this rming inner rage from inside of me, rather than my merry carefree drunken Emma. What would Jake think of drunk Emma like this? Wouldn¡¯t like her very much, would he? This is more like Drunk Teen Emma. Le is still singing her heart out but the song switches to something slower and now she¡¯s swaying around up there. I¡¯ve given up trying to reach her now she¡¯s moved further along the bar, which spans the whole room and turns in a U shape along the other side. I have no idea how she¡¯s still upright considering we¡¯ve been here for hours and drunk enough alcohol to render the three of us unconscious. My legs ache from our dancing attempts and I have the head of a drunk girl, wandering around the crowded room aimlessly. I have a fuzzy almost dream-like haze going on with my consciousness and I just want to lie down. I am suffering the effects of my drink and the room is spinning and swaying around me. I hold onto the bar for support, and stand slumped, watching the room, a little detached from reality. She starts belting out a love song rather tunefully, a little t in ces, but she¡¯s giving it her all and enjoying herself, so I sit down to listen. It takes only a moment to realize it¡¯s a song Jake has sent me in the past. Pink, ¡®Give me a Reason¡¯ It hits me like a punch in the stomach, winding me, bringing the huge weight of agony back to the forefront of my mind. Emotion heavy in my chest, I let out a long heavy breath to hold back the new onught of tears prickling behind my eyes. I miss him so damned much. I wish he was here right now. Why did he have to infect every part of me with his presence? I realize, suddenly, I don¡¯t like being drunk anymore. I only ever drank with Jake because I knew he would take care of me, and my little bubble of bravado well and truly pops. I hate being in a bar, without my protector, surrounded by strange men, who stare and sleaze over the women around them. I¡¯m vulnerable and emotional. Thest thing I should¡¯ve done wase here and get so drunk. I feel so powerless and small. Now I¡¯ve started this monsoon of depressed feelings I can¡¯t seem to switch it off. I watch Le for a moment and see, almost with new eyes, the way the men around the bar are looking up her dress, checking out her ass, almost drooling with every little movement she makes. Male eyes check out every girl that walks by, all with the same leering stare and licking of lips. Like animals searching our prey and it sickens me. I feel nauseous, so aware now of how awful this is. We¡¯ve left ourselves vulnerable in a lions¡¯ pit, too drunk to function and take care of ourselves and in this moment, I¡¯ve never wanted Jake beside me more than right now, to take care of me. Sarah¡¯s passed out, Le is surrounded by hordes of drunk men, and I¡¯m so out of my depth an edge of panic startsing on, the old Teen Emma freaking in my mind. I haul out my cell in my drunken haze, noticing the wetness on my chin and wiping it with surprise, unaware tears had even been falling. The phone sways in my vision, my focus shot, and I try to make the screen less blurry by holding it at various distances. ¡°You all right beautiful?¡± A male voicees considerably close to my ear, I recoil as his warm breath hits my neck, revulsion creeping over my skin like a moving tide of cringe. ¡°Piss off and get away,¡± I snarl, all ws, hissing and recoiling against the bar. I¡¯m in full defensive Emma mode and feel like I¡¯m hemmed in by over-sexed sleaze bags who wish to touch me. I¡¯m prickling with angry energy. ¡°Fuck you, lesbo!¡± he snaps and moves along to try his luck with the next one. That knot of anxiety stays well and truly tightened within me, my body tense. Charming. Dickhead. I stab at the phone manically, unsure if I¡¯m managing to call anyone at all, suddenly desperate for him to be here. I can hear ringing, so I put it to my ear and hold my breath. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice is like aplete st of light beaming heaven running through me, hitting me right in my center. Trembling rivulets of warmth run through my body at just hearing his voice. His low sexy, soothing tone, and the way he says my name, yet with a hint of worry. Oh God, I miss you. I managed to get Jake on the first try. I¡¯ve never felt such relief at hearing his voice, my heart constricting in pain and longing, now I¡¯ve finally broken the silence. It feels like it¡¯s been months since that gentle tone was inside my head. ¡°Who else would it be¡­¡± I slur crazily. I try for light and humorous then get angry at myself for being this weak and calling him at all. Even now I¡¯m unable to stop the stupid onught of tears pouring down my face. I¡¯m aware that my mind is still in a deep pit of confusion, but my itchy hands and aching heart must¡¯ve overridden my brain with the need to see him. I hate you. I love you. God, I miss you. ¡°Baby are you drunk?¡± I can decipher the concern in his beautiful voice and it only makes me want to cry even more. He¡¯s still calling me baby, his baby. I want my Jake. ¡°I¡¯m too drunk ¡­ I don¡¯t like it much. You¡¯re not here to take care of me.¡± I burst into half gasp half sobs trying desperately to right myself on my own shoes, stumbling and recoiling rapidly when my arm scuffs a warm arm. ¡°Don¡¯t touch me,¡± I snap, in anger, at the blurry mess of a figure to my right. Recoiling at the male touch, wishing that Jake was here beside me. ¡°Calm yourself, sweetheart. You fell into me, watch where you¡¯re fucking going.¡± The male voice snaps back angrily as they turn away from me. Screw you, asshole. ¡°Who the fuck was that asshole, baby? Where are you? I¡¯ming to get you.¡± Jake isn¡¯t so gentle anymore; he sounds like bossy Carrero with a serious touch of aggression. Internal me picks up with a satisfied warmth, the same me who wants the Jake I know and love to raise his head. He must¡¯ve heard the asshole, down the cell, who is now snarling at me with evil gleaming eyes and a twisted mouth, over his shoulder. I turn my back to him and stumble against a bar stool. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I sigh heavily, tears reced with exhaustion. The desire to listen to his voice and hear him talk. I sigh, the drunken wave of daydream tugs at me for a moment. My drunken mind instantly distracted with Le hitting an impressive high note. ¡°Le is singing, can you hear her?¡± I lift the phone above my head and hold it at an odd angle, so he can get full rity of that wonderful sexy soul-stress. She¡¯s in the full throws of Christina Aguilera¡¯s ¡®Voice Within¡¯. Right now, it¡¯s all I can think about to distract me from his voice being so painfully close, too alluring, even though I wanted to drown in in a second ago, causing me pain and joy and then more pain. Damn you, Carrero. I sway in time to her singing a few lines then bring the phone back down when I¡¯m able to stand the sound of him again. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°Emma? ¡­ Emma?! ¡­ Fuck¡¯s sake! Emma?!¡± Jake¡¯s mid-ranting and sounds overly worked up into aggressive mode. Oops. He obviously didn¡¯t like Le¡¯s singing. ¡°Don¡¯t swear at me! You of all people should not be swearing at me right now,¡± I snap and immediately burst into tears, drunk and emotional are not a goodbo, having him verbally close is just making me worse. Does he have no clue of how much he¡¯s hurt me or messed my head up? He inhales slowly, steadily, to calm his temper, his tone lowers but there¡¯s that sound he makes when he¡¯s talking through gritted teeth; his angry yet trying to control myself tone. I get a little ripple of longing again. ¡°Baby listen to me don¡¯t cry. I¡¯m sorry, okay. I¡¯m really worried about you right now and losing my mind a little, tell me where you are, and I¡¯ll be right there. I¡¯lle take you home. I¡¯ll take care of you.¡± Home? Home sounds good, the apartment in Manhattan overlooking the sea of lights and tall buildings, wrapped in bed with Jake, wrapped up in Jake; that¡¯s home for me. Chapter 194 Chapter 194 ¡°I don¡¯t know where we are; somewhere Le brought us. Sarah¡¯s here too but I think she¡¯s dead.¡± I watch as she slides ungracefully off the bar where her body previously was, and she ends up in a disheveled heap on the floor, behind her bar stool between two men who are seemingly ignoring her. For someone who thinks Sarah might¡¯ve died I don¡¯t seem overly concerned. I trip toward her a little, stooping to see if she¡¯s breathing, almost losing my bnce, and nearly fall on top of her. ¡°Never mind. She¡¯s just snoring,¡± I slur down the phone with a dramatic sigh of relief. I slump down on my knees beside her to peel what looks like a beer mat off her cheek. Yay, my friend isn¡¯t dead after all. But that is disgusting. I hold the beer mat out in front of me and squint, looking at the blurry, sticky vile thing, before tossing it casually over my shoulder and rub my hands, on Sarah¡¯s dress. ¡°For the love of God, are any of the three of you capable of something coherent? Emma put Le on,¡± Jakemands, the tone of his voice riling me a little. You¡¯re supposed to be groveling for my forgiveness, not barkingmands, Dick. Asshole. Gorgeous, sexy asshole ¡­ But I still hate you. ¡°Jerk.¡± I sniff down the phone and I swear Jake growls ¡­ like, actually growl. I find myself sighing and attempt to a walk toward Le, rolling my eyes, my defiant chin stuck in the air, instantly confused when I¡¯m face down on a leather booth seat after the wall I was using to keep me upright opened into nothing. ¡°Ouch,¡± I murmur as my face peels painfully from the seat. I realize my phone is squished to my face, and I can hear Jake rather loudly in my cheek, opening my eyes I¡¯m blinded by the lit screen near my eyeballs. ¡°Did you just fall? What the hell ¡­?! Emma, hello?! Okay, look, hang up but don¡¯t leave that bar. I¡¯ll find you my way.¡± It sounds more like a threat and when I go to reply I realize he¡¯s disconnected my call. Asshole! I didn¡¯t ask you toe for me. I don¡¯t want you toe for me! You don¡¯t know where I am anyway so good luck with that. I crawl onto the booth in which I¡¯m already lying and curl up on the seat trying to get a hold on these damn infernal tears. I should call him back and tell him to go to hell, but I don¡¯t want to, part of me wants him to find me, toe and take care of me. Wanting him to ignore my pleas to stay away and do what Jake does ¨C Come charging in all dominant mode trying to bend my will to his. If he does that maybe my confusion can take a long walk off a short pier for a while, give my mind a well needed break. I don¡¯t like it here anymore and I think Sarah may really be dead, she¡¯s not moved at all but as she¡¯s too far away to get to, I¡¯d rather rest first. I wiggle my feet out of my shoes and drop them on the floor, feeling an odd sense of heartache at this simple act. Jake always took my shoes off for me when I was drunk, he always took care of me regardless of his mood or sobriety. I hate that everything I do is gued by him. I sigh trying to wipe away the mess pouring down my face, resting my head against the wall and closing my eyes to block out the wave of people mulling around the bar and floor. For a small ce, it¡¯s crowded and really noisy, with a thick foggy atmosphere. Maybe if I just drown it all out for a few minutes then I could get my head straight and get us back home. Take Sarah home somewhere safe, to sleep in a position a little more natural and get Le off that damn infernal bar so men stop trying to grope her. * * * ¡°Emma, bambino, wake up.¡± Jake¡¯s voicees at me through the darkness and suddenly I¡¯m aware of music, and people, and a lot of noise. Warm fingers trace my jaw and I push my face into them, rubbing like a greedy cat at the touch. I choke on the atmosphere ande to inplete confusion. I find my neck stiff from the angle I¡¯ve been curled up in at the corner of the booth. ¡°I¡¯m going to lift you up okay?¡± warm, strong, familiar arms slide under my legs and behind my back and I¡¯m hoisted up against the smell of my Jake, the feel of him, his warmth, and his strength like some fantasy dream. I close my eyes, nuzzling into him, wanting this dream tost forever. I want the safe andforting feel of him surrounding me tost, keeping the horrible ache of not being with him at bay. Ie to my senses a little, aware of movement, and open my eyes suddenly, finding myself looking right at Jake¡¯s face. Not a dream or a hallucination but really him and the pain of what that means right now is sheer agony. I choke back the gulf of emotions at seeing him again. Bittersweet sums this uppletely. My chest feels like it might concave, and my heart has literally stopped beating. He looks beautiful, if a little tired and sexy and ruffled, yetpletely here and familiar and safe. We¡¯re still in the bar and he¡¯s carrying me out of the booth across the floor, my head is swimming, and I realize he did it; he found out where we are and came for me. Impulsively I reach out to that beautiful face and poke him in the cheek, checking that he¡¯s real and not some sweet figment of my imagination. I always did like poking that man of perfection in the face, but he frowns at me with an amused expression. How the hell did he do that? I shouldn¡¯t be surprised with Mathews on his security he probably tracked my cell. Asshole! ¡­ My asshole ¡­ Jerk! ¡­ My sweet jerk. ¡°Your face is still too pretty!¡± I sigh in defeat, looking for something to criticize and finding nothing. ¡°d to hear it.¡± He smiles at me softly and just lifts me up with a little jerk to right me in his arms a little better. ¡°Wait, my shoes! ¡­ Sarah ¡­ Le,¡± I mumble, as coherently as I can, regaining my senses, surprised at the slurring mess I hear in my own ears. Still drunk then? How long was I out? ¡°Daniel has taken Sarah to the car already. He¡¯lle back for Le in a sec and I have your shoes here.¡± He lifts his fingers that are under my legs and I see my shoes swinging below them. Of course, Jake would never forget a detail like that. ¡°Why are you here?¡± I gaze up at him with wide eyes, trying to focus on the double Jake I can see in front of me. I know why he¡¯s here, but I need the words. I need Jake to be the balm that heals my wounds and he needs to find the way to do it because trying to do it alone isn¡¯t working. ¡°You know why, Emma. You think I could just sit in the apartment knowing you were out here in the city somewhere and vulnerable? You may not like me very much right now, be, but I love you, I wouldn¡¯t just leave you here. I couldn¡¯t.¡± He pulls me closer and lifts my temple to press against his mouth, closing his eyes and inhaling me, it brings me an odd sense offort. ¡°You don¡¯t need to like it but I¡¯m taking the three of you back to the apartment. Not one of you is capable of taking care of the others.¡± His eyese back to mine, those beautiful hazy green eyes, with so much going on inside of them. So much tranting from him to me with just a locking of them. My heart thuds heavily, held in his arms like I have been so many times before, but this feels new. I don¡¯t get a chance to protest because I flinch at Le¡¯s voice piercing the atmosphere. ¡°I don¡¯t fucking think so!¡± Such a sweet thundering tone of malicious intent scouring the air; precious little flower that she is. I squirm in Jake¡¯s arms to see which direction her yell came from and catch sight of her immediately. She¡¯s still on top of the bar with mic in hand, hands on hips, ring like a psychopath at one Daniel Hunter. Daniel is standing in front of her on the floor, looking up, one hand attached to the hem of her short dress with a vice-like grip. He has zero intention of letting go and meets her fiery snarl with one of his own. Equally matched in the ability to throw harsh icy scowls and in the ability to handle one another. ¡°I¡¯m not fucking leaving you here alone so get down now or I¡¯ll fucking make you. I¡¯m not ying, Le!¡± he yells back at her. Jake stiffens as a man approaches Daniel and tries to pull him back with a hand on his shoulder. It seems that someone is trying to act chivalrously by thinking of protecting my feisty little friend. ¡°Can you stand?¡± Jake turns to me and I catch the look in his eyes that spells trouble for any guy giving his best friend grief. Jake is getting ready to kick ass, but it scares me. ¡°Please, Jake, don¡¯t.¡± I whisper, sudden fear for his safety consuming me, nerves swarming up like a tornado to overwhelm me. I don¡¯t want him to fight. I don¡¯t want that version of him right now, I just need him to keep doing what he¡¯s doing, sweeping me out of here regardless of my opposition. There¡¯s an instant look of regret in his eye. He wants to go help Daniel but, with me in his arms looking at him like I¡¯m about to cry, he¡¯s torn. He genuinely doesn¡¯t know what to do. He tightens his grip on me and lifts me closer as though his decision is already made. ¡°Fuck,¡± he mutters under his breath, sighing, gazing at me a little too intensely. Luckily, he doesn¡¯t need to do anything as Le yelps and then squeaks, spinning my head back to see Daniel walking our way with her thrust over his shoulder, arms and legs iling, as she screams obscenities at his back hauling at his shirt to fight him. Daniel looks grim and strides purposefully past us. His face is a picture of sheer anger, yet the boy obviously has muscles. He has Le in a grip that means she can¡¯t get out, he¡¯s not even reacting to the weight of her, nor is he disturbed by theshing violent outbursts happening down his back. ¡°I fucking hate you!¡± Le is yelling at the top of her lungs, in his strong embrace, hauling his shirt up his back, twisting it around her fists. Jake follows at a distance keeping a tight hold of me in his arms. His expression giving nothing away. My heart is pounding so fast at his proximity yet part of me can¡¯t tear my eyes away from the couple walking ahead of us. My heart torn as to where my attention should be; Jake¡¯s perfect profile and touchable face or the hellcat being kidnapped by the guy who wants her. ¡°Le, I¡¯m not against dumping your ass on the sidewalk and making you walk home if you keep that up.¡± She¡¯s still pulling his shirt up his back, wing at him, and using his trouser waist band as leverage to pull her weight down to smack him. He smacks her ass hard in retaliation, the sound echoing across the night air and smirks back at Jake when Le instantly quiets and bes motionless. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. What the hell? Bastard! Chapter 195 Chapter 195 I squirm in anger to be released but Jake only tightens his hold and gives me a look that tells me to leave it alone. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°You know as soon as you let her go, she¡¯s going to give you a ck eye for that right?¡± Jake throws back, with an edge to his tone, and follows Daniel to the waiting car. It¡¯s the ck four by four, usually driven by Jefferson but he¡¯s nowhere to be seen. ¡°Looking forward to her trying.¡± Daniel prods Le in the ass, looking mightily pissed. ¡°Still with me, kitten? You¡¯re awfully quiet up there now.¡± He shifts her weight on his shoulder for a better grip; almost as though he¡¯s trying to shake a response from her. ¡°Screw you,¡± Le mumbles from her hanging head, hair falling over so I can¡¯t make out her features, her hands are up near her face and suddenly I realize she¡¯s crying. ¡°Le?¡± I reach out toward her with my free hand. My insides hurting for her. ¡°Daniel ¡­ Man ¡­ You¡¯ve fucking got that girl sobbing,¡± Jake snaps. Daniel spins his head toward us then looks up at the little ass on his shoulder and gives her a jiggle. ¡°Le? Le?¡± When she doesn¡¯t answer, he slides her down to the ground, smoothly and protectively and pulls her to face him, lifting her chin in an almost tender way, meeting her wrath in the blink of an eye. Through tears and sobs she flies into furious hell-cat mode, pping at his arms and chest wildly; ws unleashed in full fury mode. ¡°I hate you! I fucking hate YOU! ¡­ You don¡¯t give a shit who you hurt or who you use! You ever smack me like that again and I¡¯ll tear your fucking head off!¡± Her tears flowing and anger searing as she fights hard, but Daniel effortlessly restrains her, batting away her attempts to w him, and shakes her into submission with a hard jerk. ¡°Stop it ¡­ Stop it or I¡¯m fucking done. I mean it, Le, I won¡¯t put up with your psycho shit the way Jake did earlier.¡± He grabs at her iling hands, trying to restrain her once again, as she goes for another onught. I watch, holding my breath, while Jake tries to maneuver us around them; yet there are too many people trying to get past us with eyes on stalks to watch this little domestic unfold on the sidewalk. ¡°Done? Done?! We never fucking started. You¡¯re an asshole, you just think sex and see ya with every girl stupid enough toe near you. You used me for sex then dropped me like trash.¡± She¡¯s writhing free of his hands and attempting ps once again. ¡°It¡¯s never just sex with you! I fucking care about you, Le, okay?! I just don¡¯t know what the fuck to do about it,¡± Daniel snaps and shocks almost everyone standing here. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve seen him more shocked at himself. It seems to do the trick though, Jake slides me down to my feet beside the car, and I can¡¯t help but watch with glued eyes at the pair of them standing on the sidewalk looking at each other silently. She¡¯s stopped her assault and seems to just be standing blinking at him with her wrists in his palms; there¡¯s a moment of pause then Le breaks the tension. ¡°I¡¯m getting a cab, go away. I don¡¯t need you to take me home and I don¡¯t want your fucking help. I can handle my booze!¡± She yanks her wrists free and turns on her heels to attempt to storm away but Daniel only grabs her by the arm and hauls her back far too easily. ¡°You¡¯reing to Jake¡¯s whether you like it or not. Try fighting me on this, sweetheart, and I will literally gag you and throw you in the trunk. Don¡¯t try me, honey, we both know I¡¯m enough of a cunt to do it.¡± Every time she turns from him, he hauls her back, meeting another bout of her pping and rage. Le, did Daniel just tell you he cares and you¡¯re still acting crazy? Le seems to visibly change from sheer fury to something else, her face crumbling. ¡°Why would you say that to me? Why tell me you care about me? When it doesn¡¯t mean shit, Daniel! You know no matter what you¡¯re still going to leave me alone and fucking broken, anytime I get close.¡± Her rage has turned to angry crying, make-up pouring down her cheeks at an rming rate, yet despite it she still looks breathtakingly beautiful and I soar with sheer venom at the man who is causing her so much heart ache. Jake is trying to get me into the car beside Sarah, but I resist, watching and waiting, wanting to see what happens next, ready to jump in and defend my friend, ready to gouge the shit out of the man upsetting her despite being Jake¡¯s worse significant other. I don¡¯t want to leave her alone to deal with him this way. ¡°I¡¯m not doing this here.¡± Daniel lets her go and turns on his heel ready to walk off, but he catches Jake¡¯s death re, a look that says, don¡¯t do it man. ¡°I¡¯ll get a cab. Take her back with you and look after her. I need to think when she¡¯s not screaming in my face. She needs to sober up before we can talk.¡± ¡°Danny?¡± Jake moves past me toward him but meets defensive palms and a look of utter emotional turmoil on Hunter¡¯s face. ¡°If I stay, I¡¯m just going to make this whole fucking thing worse. She¡¯s too drunk and upset right now. I don¡¯t even know what the hell is going on in my head to begin to try to make her understand.¡± He shrugs and shakes his head as he walks off toward the road and Le is left gaping after him with tears pouring down her face. ¡°You¡¯re a fucking coward, Daniel Hunter. You don¡¯t deserve me!¡± She calls after him and he doesn¡¯t respond he just keeps walking off into the busy street without a backward nce. Jake pushes me into the car lifting my legs in gently, sliding my shoes into the space on the floor, not giving me anymore room to fight him on this. ¡°Slide over while I get her.¡± He nces over his shoulder toward Le¡¯s sobbing figure and I obediently move up. Secondster, with his arm around her shoulder, he guides her in beside me gently and I envelope her against me, letting her cry. Her petite frame is shaking with the effort of holding in so much heartache. ¡°I hate him so much ¡­ I don¡¯t want to love him anymore, Emma. It hurts too goddamn much. He just makes it so painful.¡± She buries her face against me and let¡¯s it all pour out in a muffled sob. I guess I know how that feels right about now. I nce up catching Jake¡¯s eyes in the rear-view mirror as he slides his seatbelt on. A moment of pain run across his face, that moment of taking Le¡¯s words as mine, he looks away quickly, jaw tightening, and ears moving; his body stiffens. Chapter 196 Chapter 196 I must¡¯ve gone back to sleep at some point in the car ride through the city because I wake up, completely disorientated, in a very familiar bed; Sarah¡¯s loud snoring and body next to me. I sit up, warily, as the spinning nausea and headache of the world¡¯s worst hangover hits me, and I push down the urge to throw up. The room is dark and quiet but that doesn¡¯t mean much. Jake has ckout shades on all his windows, blocking out the sun whenever he wants to sleep. I scramble around under the sheets, catching the smell of him from the cushions under my head, and it instantly overwhelms with me with a mix of longing, pain, and upset. I still don¡¯t know how to feel. Great. I slide out and carefully tread my way to the bedroom door, not wanting to wake Sarah or anyone else; especially when I¡¯ve no idea what time it is. I open the door slightly and hear muffled voicesing from the kitchen, followed by a sudden rush of brilliant light which makes my eyes smart and I hurry to cover them from the blinding pain. It takes a moment to get used to the adjustment and I check I¡¯m still wearing clothes;st night¡¯s dress and underwear are still intact; which surprises me. I would¡¯ve expected Jake to at least undress me, it¡¯s not like he hasn¡¯t seen me in varying degrees of nakedness before. I guess I¡¯m seeing how much of a gentleman he can be. The fact he chose not to sleep in bed beside me hints at him respecting my need for space. Part of me feels disappointed and I wonder how it would¡¯ve felt waking up in his bed in his arms. The thud in my stomach hits when I realize that may never happen again. We may never sleep in a bed together again and I try to push down the thought, as a twisting wave of tears runs up inside of me. I head out in search of a drink and some pain relief in hopes of distracting myself from those agonizing thoughts. I pause when I see Le and Jake sitting at the breakfast counter, across from one another, talking in hushed tones. They have their heads bent over coffee mugs and a te of butter croissants, seemingly oblivious to me as I wander out quietly. Just the sight of him takes my breath away and my palms start to m up. ¡°Give him time, Le ¡­ You know Daniel¡¯s head is royally fucked-up. He has some serious issues when ites to love.¡± Jake leans out and covers her hand with his in a small affectionate gesture, which makes me want him back so badly. I miss having him act that way with me. I miss his attention and soft touches, his never-ending understanding, and the way he grounds me. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. No! Don¡¯t even go there. He hurt you. You¡¯re not your mother, running back to men who don¡¯t care about what they do to you. My mind ps me hard. Somewhere old PA Emma, voice full of stern disgust, finds her way back inside of my head. I clear my throat quietly, spanning the area from his door to the kitchen, and they both look up. Le smiles and Jake slowly rises; not hurrying to take his hand from hers. He walks around the kitchen making me a mug of coffee without lingering too long or looking at me. It hits me like a pain under my rib cage and it confounds me. ¡°Morning, you. How you feeling?¡± Le looks freshly showered and wearing a T-shirt and shorts belonging to Jake. Her clean face, free from make-up, looks unbelievably young and cute; her blond, choppy hair is tucked behind her ears making her look ten years younger. No hint of the tear-stained emotional wreck ofst night and I can only admire her for it. I¡¯ve no clue how awful I must look right now and she¡¯s making me so self-conscious. I try to run my fingers through my hair, and I know my make-up under my eyes must be smeared. I catch Jake¡¯s eyes flicker to mine and wonder if he thinks that I look like an absolute mess; maybe that¡¯s why he¡¯s trying not to look at me. Great. ¡°Like I¡¯m dying,¡± I mumble, trying to get onto the stool beside her; my head aching and mouth dry like sandpaper. I¡¯ve never felt a hangover this bad. I drop my face to avoid him, I obviously look like trash. I wish he could see me looking better; or showered at least. Jake wanders over and slides the coffee in front of me with a ss of water. He reaches out for a pack of aspirin and ces them beside me too, his eyes never leaving the task, not once looking at me. I am stabbed with that tug of pain again. I want his beautiful green eyes on me, to look at me the way he always does. This is just painful. I want to feel like the center of his universe again,manding his attention and attentiveness. I want him to tell me that I look nice, even though I know I don¡¯t, because that¡¯s what he does; what he¡¯s supposed to do. I miss it. ¡°Thanks,¡± I utter softly, trying not to focus on him for too long. He pulls the te of croissants over toward me. ¡°They¡¯re fresh; picked them up about a half hour ago, on the way back from my run.¡± His deep voice is like molten sexiness and I can¡¯t help but nce up at him. Our eyes meet but he¡¯s the first to look away and it emotionally ps me, hard across my heart. Why won¡¯t he look at me? Because I was a drunken messst night and now probably look a hundred times worse. Hardly the picture of beauty he was probably imagining in our separation. My head starts going crazy with suspicions, self-doubt, and panic, my stomach lurching once more, and my nerves get the better of me. Has he been with someone else in my absence? Because he could, we¡¯re not together and it¡¯s who he used to be. Has he decided he doesn¡¯t love me after all? Oh, my God ¡­ has he decided we¡¯re not worth the fight? I swallow a little too heavily, my hand trembling around the ss with shaking fingers. Wetness building in my eyes as I try to focus on the water inside the cup. ¡°I love you. Even hung over withst night¡¯s make-up on, you¡¯re stunning,¡± Jake whispers quietly, as his hand slides over mine on the ss, his face close enough for my cheek to warm from his breath; his touch the healing balm I ache for. I flicker up sharply, surprised at the way he guesses my inner thoughts, always knowing how to calm me. ¡°Stop doubting it, Emma.¡± Our eyes lock, and he lets me go, quickly, leaving my hand cold and pining for his warmth. Then, as though nothing happened, he goes back to drinking his coffee. I can feel Le¡¯s eyes on me. ¡°I¡¯m going to leave you two to talk while I go get dressed. You guys need some time alone.¡± Her hand comes to my shoulder. ¡°Give him a chance, Emma, babes, men are programmed to be shitheads, they can¡¯t help it.¡± She kisses me on the cheek softly, throwing Jake a supportive wink, before sliding down, and padding off toward the guest rooms at the far end of the apartment. ¡°If you¡¯re not ready to talk yet I can understand. I¡¯ll take you and Sarah home when you¡¯re ready.¡± He stays focused on swirling the coffee in his mug, steady voice, and rxed posture. He seems to be quietly mulling over his thoughts, not really letting me get any vibes into what he¡¯s feeling. I swallow hard and inhale very slowly. Decide, Emma. It¡¯s time to either bite it and talk or go back to hiding in self-pity. This is the moment to either move forward or stay here in this pain. ¡°Maybe when you take Sarah home, I can get a shower and freshen up here?¡± I can¡¯t bring myself to look at him, my insides turning to jelly. ¡°I¡¯ll need to get her up soon anyway because she¡¯s working today.¡± I sound feeble and unsure of myself; part of me wondering if he¡¯ll even want me to stay or if he¡¯ll just send me home. ¡°I¡¯d love nothing more than to have you stay; if you¡¯re sure?¡± the tiny hint of hope in his voice is obvious and it hurts more than I can bear. Not in a bad way but in an ¡®I¡¯m so royally broken hearted over you yet you still give me tingles¡¯, kind of way. We nce at one other and quickly look away, awkward and emotional, unable to stand the gaze of one another¡¯s eyes for more than seconds. Okay, now I get why he won¡¯t look at me for long, this shit hurts. ¡°You don¡¯t need to get me up, I¡¯m up.¡± Sarah¡¯s hoarse and grumpy voice echoes our way from the bedroom door; we turn in surprise to see the disheveled mess slumped there, her face a smear of make-up and her hair sticking up at odd angles. ¡°What the hell did we drink last night?¡± She groans looking around searching for something. ¡°Your bags are all on the couch with your shoes.¡± Jake points out, and I spot the little mini mountain of bags, shoes, and coats all piled carefully on the sofa, another thoughtful Jake move; any other man would have dumped them on the floor by the door. ¡°Thanks. I¡¯m sure Marcus is going crazy over my whereabouts right now.¡± She practically crawls to the couch and starts rummaging in her bag. ¡°I called him from your cell when we got herest night and told him I¡¯d bring you home this morning. He was cool with that.¡± Jake cuts in and I find myself ncing at him with no surprise at all. This is who he is, smart, intuitive, and mature in so many ways; always thinking of every detail and doing what needs to be done. I sigh a little. ¡°God. Did you tell him what an absolute drunken mess I was?¡± She groans, trying to scroll through her phone one handed while pulling her shoes on in a rather awkward and dangerous pose. ¡°I left out the part about peeling you off a bar floor and having you throw up all over the back of my car.¡± Jake smirks at her and I catch the grimace run across her face as she tries to remember. The look of disgust at her behavior. ¡°Jesus. I¡¯m so sorry. I never drink as much as that. Le is an awful influence on me but damn that girl is hrious.¡± She giggles and goes back to her phone. ¡°It¡¯s fine, the car¡¯s already been taken to get detailed. Jefferson was the only one to endure the smell; almost enough to get him drunk on the fumes.¡± Jake is smiling. God that smile. Good humor from him, despite looking shattered since he obviously hasn¡¯t slept. ¡°Ha. You need to let me pay for it, seriously. I can¡¯t let you pay to clean up my mess.¡± Sarah turns our way and walks toward us, pure sincerity on that stubborn face, but Jake only shakes his head. I¡¯m surprised at theck of hostility toward him, especially since this very awkward scene is because of him. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it, if it wasn¡¯t you then it was going to be Emma, kudos to her though she waited until we hit the curb.¡± I snap up and gawp at him with a shocked flush to my face. I threw up in front of Jake. Oh, my God. Chapter 197 Chapter 197 ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I fumble the words out, embarrassed, my eyes hit my fingers in myp, and I twist at the hem of my very short dress. Great way to show the man who hurt you that you¡¯re so in control and worth every inch of fight to get you back. Especially when you drunk dial him, need his rescue, and then throw up at his feet. ssy, Emma ¡­ just ssy. ¡°Don¡¯t be, I¡¯m d I was the one there to take care of you. It was a drunk Emma I¡¯ve never met before.¡± His eyes linger this time and I can feel them boring into me a little too closely, his scrutiny making me feel more awkward. I wish the ground would just open below my feet and swallow me whole. Sarah wanders over toward us and turns green at the sight of food. Jake waves a mug at her to offer coffee, his eyes finally giving me respite, but she just shakes her head. ¡°No, really, no. If I take a sip, I¡¯ll hurl. I really need to get home and get sorted out before I start the lunch rush at work. I can call a cab, so you don¡¯t have to ¡­¡± Her eyes are flicking between Jake and I and the obvious tension between us. ¡°No, it¡¯s fine. I want to give Emma some space to get herself together and my driver is out for now anyway. I¡¯ll take you; I¡¯ll just go get my shoes.¡± Jake pushes off the counter, ncing at me quickly, and saunters off toward his guest rooms. I can¡¯t help but watch his strong and fit body swagger, like a man with too much sex appeal, crossing the room and that ass; sighing as I watch it go. When did he start keeping clothes down there? ¡°You¡¯re noting home anytime soon I take it?¡± Sarah looks me up and down warily, a slight hint of hope on her face and a smirk at where I¡¯ve been staring. What is with all these looks? ¡°No. I think I need to stay for a bit and just see what I feel.¡± I turn away from her, my mind getting itself out of the gutter with the memory of Jake¡¯s ass. I down two aspirin with the water and hold the pack to her but she just shakes them away. ¡°Don¡¯t close down on him. Give him a chance. No one¡¯s perfect, babe.¡± She runs a hand over my hair and tweaks my cheek. ¡°The guy obviously adores you. I mean, who elsees tearing across Manhattan to find his ex because he¡¯s worried she¡¯s in danger?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not his ex!¡± I snap a little too quickly, the outburst surprising me. I¡¯ve not even begun to contemte what we are, but I am not that, not if he loves me. ¡°Well then, seems there¡¯s a small part of you that acknowledges it¡¯s not over.¡± She smirks at me, knowingly, then moves away as we hear Jakeing back. ¡°Tell Le I said thanks for a memorable night.¡± Sarah smiles as she moves to go. ¡°Ready?¡± he asks her, bending to kiss me on the cheek, impulsively, as he passes. He freezes as his mouth connects with my skin, it reacts with goosebumps and shes of flutterings deep in my stomach, my body still electrified by his touch even when things are this way between us. It hurts me knowing my body would so easily fall back into his arms. Pathetic. ¡°Sorry.¡± He straightens up and looks away from me. ¡°Habit.¡± He mutters it so softly, almost sounding painful. He walks off cing a hand on the small of Sarah¡¯s back, guiding her toward the door with an unreadable backward nce toward me. I¡¯ve no idea how to feel about any of this and I¡¯m starting to wonder if it¡¯s even a good idea. I¡¯m not sure if I have the strength to face Jake alone and fight the pull he has over me. I watch him from loweredshes and aplete pit of confused despair churns me up. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. Sarah slides on her coat and picks up her oversized bag, throws me a wave, and blows a kiss with a wink as I watch them leave; a strange sense of nerves creeps up inside me as Lees sauntering down the hall dressed inst night¡¯s clothes. ¡°I have my drivering for me so I¡¯m going to head down, babes. Sarah still here? Has Jake gone?¡± She scans around in surprise. ¡°Jake¡¯s taking Sarah home,¡± I say, picking at a croissant on the te, having no desire to eat. My stomach is making a good effort at impersonating a washing machine. ¡°Yet you¡¯re still here?¡± She grins, cing her hands on her hips and I sigh in response. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m feeling or thinking anymore. I¡¯m giving him a chance to talk and I guess I¡¯ll take it from there.¡± I can¡¯t meet her eyes as she hovers beside me. Part of me feels like I¡¯m being weak for being here after only a week of separation. I know Le and Sarah are both urging for me to work this out but still I feel pathetic. ¡°Make him suffer, Ems, but don¡¯t let him go. He¡¯s one of the good ones, despite all this shit, trust me. So, maybe a little messy in the brain department but I can promise you that he¡¯s worth it.¡± She hugs me around the shoulders tightly before skipping to the couch for her shoes and belongings. ¡°What about you and Hunter?¡± I watch as her body, halfway to putting her shoe on, goes rigid. ¡°That boy has been breaking my heart since I was fifteen. I doubt he¡¯ll ever sort out the mess in his mind long enough to let me in. I just need to learn to get over him,¡± she shrugs, shoes now on and turns to me with a resigned expression, meeting my gaze confidently. ¡°Daniel is always going to be the first boy I fell in love with, he was my first kiss. He was my first sex too; not even Jake knows about that time so please don¡¯t tell him. I¡¯m sure he would kill Daniel for it, but he¡¯s so far down that route of woman hating and mistrust and emotionally fucked-up that I doubt we¡¯ll ever be anything more.¡± She shrugs and continues getting ready, sliding her coat on. I nche at her open-mouthed in shock. ¡°Your first time having sex?¡± I just can¡¯t ¡­ Just can¡¯t. ¡°Yeah, my sixteenth birthday. I saw another side to him and stupidly fell for it. I was already gooey eyed over him because he¡¯d kissed me senseless a couple of weeks before my party. He was eighteen and just as handsome as he is now, all muscle and big grins of self-confidence.¡± She sighs, dreamily, almost as though lost in memories of a boy she once knew. Then, snapping out of it, she picks up her bag and walks toward me with a tear in her eye. ¡°What was it like? What happened?¡± I can¡¯t seem to get my head around any of this at all. ¡°Daniel¡¯s brain happened. It was nice. None of the horror stories about first times that you usually hear about. He was gentle and slow and made sure I was ready before he did it. It didn¡¯t hurt, and I even had an orgasm. So, I guess he was my first of those too. He kissed me the whole time and told me I was beautiful, and I really felt it. He was obviously already a seasoned yer by then.¡± I know I¡¯m gawping, but I can¡¯t help it. I¡¯ve seen the way Daniel is with women and none of those images match up to the vision of Le¡¯s first time. Daniel must be in love with her after all. ¡°So, what then? Did he just not call you after that?¡± I¡¯m trying to understand how the hell he could¡¯ve got that by Jake unnoticed. Jake is like a sniffer dog with his crazy sixth sense and bloodhound instincts when ites to protecting the women he loves. ¡°He told me I was too young, that it was dumb, and Jake would kill him. I was so in love with him that I didn¡¯t want to argue, and it hurt like hell, but I wanted to y it cool and act mature. I think I died a little every day after that, and then the weeks passed, and he never spoke about it again. We¡¯d fallen back into our old ¡®friendship¡¯ and he went back to acting like nothing had happened. I was so confused!¡± I guess that would be why no one knew! ¡°Oh, Le. What an asshole.¡± I frown at her; irritation rises from deep inside of me; angry that Daniel could dismiss something this important to Le without a care. She shrugs, nonchntly, rummaging through the contents of her bag until she locates a lip balm and applies some with her fingertips. ¡°It¡¯s nothingpared to what he did to me in Paris a few years back ¡­ That time I really did think this was it, a whole night of crazy passion and drunken fun and I was so freaking happy. I realized how crazy about him I still was. We were locked in a room for eight hours solid and having sex, multiple times, making me orgasm like crazy. The best night of my life. Come morning, he gets up before I¡¯m awake and sneaks off, doesn¡¯t speak to me for months, won¡¯t return my calls, nothing. I only started being okay with himst year when Jake convinced me to try to be civil for his sake.¡± ¡°Jesus.¡± I cringe, trying to figure out how I would¡¯ve felt if it had been Jake. It doesn¡¯t bear thinking about. ¡°Yeah, that time hit me hard. I went on a drink fueled binge for a few months, partying wild and man hungry, trying to get him out of my system. My brother, Tom, and Jake came and dragged my ass back home, and put me on lock down for a few weeks until I stopped and got sober.¡± She hauls on her coat and throws her bag over her shoulder airily, hiding her innermost feelings away from sight. ¡°Le, I¡¯m so sorry.¡± Tears catch in my throat and I get up and walk to her, throwing her in my arms, giving her the best Jake style hug, I can muster. ¡°Should¡¯ve learned huh? Giving him the chance to do it again was stupid, especially as I know what he¡¯s like. I know him.¡± Her eyes hold a thin veil of moisture and her lip trembles a little as she fights hard with her internal emotions; small tears in the wall of strength she always tries to exude. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say, other than, I know it¡¯s not as simple as not liking you. He seems to genuinely feel something, maybe even love.¡± I appraise her expression, seeing that wall of impassiveness slide back up. ¡°Jake¡¯s told me pretty much the same, but it doesn¡¯t change any of it. I can¡¯t live my life waiting for him to sort his shit out. I¡¯m done. Last night I finally realized it as I stood considering those devastating blue eyes of his. I¡¯ll die alone and unhappy if I don¡¯t move on.¡± She shrugs it off and despite being sad for her, I also see her point. She deserves a man who pursues her and loves her completely. The way Jake does with me? Don¡¯t think about him! ¡°Le, why are men so frickin frustrating?¡± I ask, sitting back down, staring at the hands I drop loosely in myp. ¡°Don¡¯t lose him, Emma. Jake¡¯s an ass who goes into self-destruct mode when he can¡¯t handle his emotions and that¡¯s exactly what he did. Marissa did more damage than he likes to admit and those years of hitting back with women, booze, and drugs are still in there deep down. He¡¯s never had to face the consequences of his behavior before, but something inside his crazy head obviously snapped, because kissing her for the briefest moment is as far as it got before he was running off and agonizing over what he¡¯d done.¡± She stands over me andys a gentle hand on my shoulder. I lock eyes on her in wide-eyed silence, the pain a little too acute to form a response. ¡°I¡¯m not excusing what he did, God knows I was livid beyond belief when he told me. I¡¯m just saying it won¡¯t be repeated, he learned a valuable lesson that night. Life without you is unbearable and he won¡¯t ever chance risking it again if he ever wins you back.¡± She pats me on the shoulder and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. My heart thudding heavily as I absorb every word. Emotion catching in my throat and making me feel a million times worse than a hangover should. ¡°You sound like someone who¡¯s been talking to Jake.¡± I sniff back a tear, threatening to pour out the rising ache inside of me, making my hands tremble. ¡°Had to return the favor, after all, he did let me cry on him when you drunk weirdos were too passed out to care.¡± I catch her smiling at me with fondness and she ruffles my hair childishly. ¡°Go. Go get cleaned up and fresh for the most important heart to heart of your life. I need to go.¡± She bends and kisses me on the side of my mouth with a devilish smile. ¡°I love you, girl, and I love that sassy Sarah, we three are so hooking up again!¡± With that she saunters off as though she hasn¡¯t a care in the world and heads out the door. I can¡¯t help but admire her. Broken-hearted, and as emotionally hurt as me, yet she has her chin held high and a smile on her face, as though everything is right in her world. I could learn a lot from Le. Chapter 198 Chapter 198 I stand in the shower for an unbelievably long time, the hot water pouring down me, refreshingly, helps to push the nausea down. I¡¯m aching at everything so familiar about being here, so many memories and thoughts of Jake beside me. I feel like I¡¯ve woken inside a dream, some strange alternate reality where I never left, and this feels like where I should be. It¡¯s disconcerting and doesn¡¯t help my emotionally confused state of mind at all. Fully cleansed of my shameful drunken night and drying myself I can hear noise in the apartment. The sound of music drifting though the walls and I know Jake must be back. I pause for a moment listening to the faint drifting of one of his favorite songs and the sound of a juicer going in the kitchen, emotion swirling in apprehension in my stomach. I¡¯m nervous being here with him, being alone and having to face him. I pull on an oversized white bath robe and wander cautiously out through to therge open-n lounge, looking around for him, holding my breath. I¡¯m like a jittery teen going on a first date. He has his back to me, dressed in a fresh T-shirt and jeans and seems to be making a smoothie or some sort of healthy drink, the blender is going strong, so he doesn¡¯t hear me approach. I can¡¯t help but watch the way his strong wide shoulders move and flex under his body hugging T-shirt, or the way his arms and biceps tense and grow with every bend and stretch. His masculine mannerisms strong with effortless ease and grace, the signs of a man confident in himself without the malice of cocky arrogance. I must admit, he¡¯s the perfect specimen of manly form, just the thought of it makes me depressed. Every nerve in my body is torn between lust and betrayal, I want him, yet I don¡¯t. I long for his touch yet I know it will only bring me pain. I miss those arms around me and those hands on me but know having them back would break me. The machine stops, and I watch from the other side of the counter as he pours half into a tall ss before turning my way with a flicker of surprise. ¡°Hey, didn¡¯t hear youing through.¡± He smiles, in his shy and charmingly beautiful way; it has the same effect on me that it always has. I mp my knee¡¯s together as a wave of hot warmth rushes through my veins. Seems he hasn¡¯t lost that ability over me anyway. ¡°Here, your favorite smoothie. I figured you may need it seeing as you haven¡¯t eaten anything yet.¡± He nods toward the te of croissants on the counter now covered in stic wrap. I take the tall ss, carefully avoiding his hand so we don¡¯t touch and smile shyly. I pull my robe tighter across my chest and slide up onto the bar stool trying with every ounce of self-control to stop trembling and acting as awkward as hell. ¡°Thanks, not sure I can drink it right now, but I¡¯ll try.¡± I take a sip of the forest fruits, mango, and banana smoothie, touched that he would do it for me; but I gasp and swallow hard when the bile rises from my stomach. I put my drink down with a grimace and hold my throat until the nausea calms down. ¡°Maybe just water?¡± He nods at me with a slight frown, before getting me a ss of iced water from the machine on the fridge. There¡¯s a weird quiet atmosphere as he watches me sip, tension, and awkwardness, as though neither of us knows what to say first. I turn away from him around the room to find something to rest my eyes on that isn¡¯t six feet two, sexy as hell, with an ability to break me into a million pieces. I can feel his body heat across the kitchen bar and the tingle of electricity in the air. Drawn back to him like a moth to a me. I nce up and down his fresh clothes and know for a fact he never came into his room for them, I motion with my ss at his attire shyly. ¡°Why are you keeping clothes in the guest rooms?¡± I ask gently, confused by this unusual fact. He frowns at me for a moment before answering. ¡°Because I can¡¯t bear to be in there.¡± He nods toward his bedroom. ¡°Without you ¡­ I had Nora move some of my things so I wouldn¡¯t need to go in there at all.¡± He looks down at his hands awkwardly. I flinch, like he¡¯s just sucker punched me in the stomach, it¡¯s such a painful response. We look away from each other instantly. ¡°I see.¡± I choke back the tears threatening to break loose and clear my throat to try to shift them away again. ¡°I brought you something to wear when I took Sarah home. The bag is by the bedroom door.¡± He nods toward the pink hold all that belongs to Sarah, changing the subject quickly and I smile gratefully; only Jake would¡¯ve had that kind of foresight. ¡°Figured you would keep me in that dress if you had a choice.¡± I smirk at him and catch the tension in his face ease a little. Trying to lighten the heavy mood I created with my question. ¡°I would have, but I think it needs dry cleaning first, you smelled like a breweryst night.¡± His devilish smile melts the pain in my heart slightly, and I slide off the chair. Jake¡¯s trying for the light easy humor we used to have, it¡¯s a little warming and helps with easing my nerves. ¡°I think I¡¯ll go get dressed. I don¡¯t feel toofortable like this.¡± I point out, an instant pain in my heart at the hint of disappointment across in his face. Jake used to love me in nothing more than bathrobes; easy to peel apart and ess me underneath. This is a sign of how things are between us and without trying to wound him, I have. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°I¡¯ll be here.¡± He throws on a brave smile that doesn¡¯t reach his eyes. I nod and move off, grabbing the bag as I pass, trying to remove the spike wedging itself in my heart. * * * I feel much better dressed in leggings and a silky camisole under a long, oversized, cashmere jumper. He chose one of my casual lounging at home outfits, whether it was deliberate, or Sarah had chosen it, but I¡¯mfortable. They¡¯re my much-needed hugs from clothes I would¡¯ve chosen myself. I pull on the long thick socks leaving them wrinkled at my ankles. The nausea, headache, and overwhelming hangover are still lingering but that constant hunger I seem to have is starting to battle with it; urging me to eat after all. I¡¯m not sure how well it¡¯ll go down but I¡¯m ravenous despite what is waiting for me out in the kitchen. I pad out into the lounge and see Jake hovering in the kitchen, messing with the expensive coffee maker, filling up the smallpartments. I never see much of his domesticated side when Nora is around, but he shows hispetence on the rare asions she has a day off. He turns with a timid smile, sensing my presence and puts down the packets he¡¯s holding. We both know it¡¯s time we talked and stopped evading this. I walk past him, retrieving the smoothie from the fridge, take a proper drink and he smiles at my efforts. ¡°Do you want to sit here or in our room?¡± His gentleness makes me waver; he¡¯s still calling it ¡®our¡¯ room and I can¡¯t trust myself to not fall under his spell almost instantly if we were near that bed. ¡°The couch.¡± I nod in the direction of the white leather and chrome behind him, and with trembling legs, I make my way to the padded seat and sit down, hating the tension that has suddenly thickened in the space between us. I push around some of the fluffy cushions I picked out a few weeks ago, nervous anticipation and stomach butterflies returning, and nestle myself near the side table so I can put my ss down. I haven¡¯t up chucked it yet, surprisingly, it seems to be soothing my stomach. The aspirin is helping my head a little. He waits, then sits near me, still giving me space. His whole body is turned to me and his focus solely on my face. This close I can almost feel his touch, his smell is intoxicating, and his nearness a little too suffocating. I tip my head down, letting my damp hair cover me, suddenly aware how tired and pale I must look. I don¡¯t want him to see me this way. I should¡¯ve worn make-up or paid more attention to my appearance earlier! Chapter 199 Chapter 199 ¡°You look beautiful, neonata,¡± he says, almost as though he can read my mind. I swallow hard as the lump of emotion threatens to rise through my throat at the fact that he always knows. Is there another human being alive so effortlessly in tune with me? Who always says just what I need to hear? ¡°I look tired and awful,¡± I reply quietly. ¡°I haven¡¯t been sleeping a whole lottely.¡± I bring my hands to the hem of the cozy long jumper dress, fiddling with the soft wool, and chew my lip. Now I¡¯m here beside him and ready to get this out I don¡¯t know what to say or how to say it; I don¡¯t even know what I want. ¡°Makes two of us.¡± His voice is lighter and without looking up I can tell he¡¯s staring at me with his beautifully gorgeous green eyes. God, I miss him so much. Even his smell and closeness are aiding wounds that have opened over thest few days. The eternal despair and loneliness that consumed me is fading with his mere presence and him being his normal gentle self. I can almost forget the past few days of agonizing loneliness. ¡°You hurt me.¡± It¡¯s the only thing I can think of to say to get this in the direction it needs to go. I¡¯m so used to Jake leading conversations that involve feelings but not this time. I need him to understand what I¡¯m feeling and thinking and not let it bubble up inside me. ¡°I know ¡­ I hate myself right now, Emma, you have to believe me. If I could go back and stop it then I would, in a heartbeat.¡± He shifts closer, his leg up on the couch so he¡¯s fully turned to me. I can¡¯t bring myself to turn to him; tears welling up inside me now that we¡¯re doing this. ¡°I can¡¯t function without you ¡­ I miss you like crazy, bambino, and I¡¯m losing my mind not being able to touch you.¡± His nearness causes waves of tingles and cold to run over me, my body as confused as my mind, turning into a chaos of mixed signals. Lust, fear, longing, defiance, love, hate, heartbreak. I¡¯ve no idea what to feel about him. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can ever forgive what you did.¡± A silent tear rolls down my cheek. ¡°I trusted you.¡± I lift my hand tangling my fingers into my hair, turning the strand, and twisting it absent-mindedly, trying to focus on something else rather than the erupting chaos inside of me. Jake leans out over me, automatically, taking my hand in his and slides thest gap between us holding my hand to his chest and over his heart. His touch is searing yetforting but pushes the vision of his hand on her into my head and I pull it away as though it¡¯s been scolded. He says nothing and doesn¡¯t react but sighs gently, epting the fact that I can¡¯t have him holding my hand. ¡°I¡¯ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn it back ¡­ I¡¯ll do anything, Emma, I¡¯ll go anywhere. If you want me to cut all ties with her then I will.¡± His voice only holds strong conviction. ¡°What about the baby?¡± I croak, my heart thudding like a war drum. I can¡¯t look at him when he¡¯s sitting so close, but I can feel his eyes burning into me; devouring me. ¡°If you asked me to walk away from that too then I would. I know how bad it¡¯s going to be for us, to have that connection with her. All I want is you back in my arms, Emma.¡± He leans closer so he¡¯s almost touching my hair with his nose. I hold my breath, fighting with myself to move away, but my body stays still, betraying my mind. My body wants this even if my brain is screaming to get away from him. I feel so powerless. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want you to do that. I don¡¯t want you to abandon it, despite me not wanting the baby to be there.¡± My hands are shaking so badly I push them between my knees and press my legs together to hold them still. ¡°I know you wouldn¡¯t, but I need you to know that I would do anything for you.¡± ¡°I need you to tell me why.¡± The tears spring out without warning, my voice crumbling, and I tense away as his hands rise to hold me, he stills and puts them back down. ¡°There is no why, baby. Only a stupid drunken mess who convinced himself that you didn¡¯t want a life with me. I wasn¡¯t just drunk, Emma. I went off the rails and took shit I haven¡¯t touched since my teens. I gotpletely shit-faced and got into a fight with two men during that one night.¡± The regret in his voice causes me to look at his hands. It¡¯s the first time I notice the faint bruises and healing cuts across his knuckles. That inner weight gets heavier and my heart bleeds a little more; a surge of disappointment at knowing he¡¯d taken drugs. The Jake I loved didn¡¯t do those things anymore and I don¡¯t like that he¡¯s admitted it. ¡°I didn¡¯t say no to a life with you, I didn¡¯t say no to marriage. I said it was all happening so fast and I was scared.¡± I leave my focus on his hands, they¡¯re sat on his knees. It¡¯s a better, safer view than his green eyes deeply boring into me. ¡°I know.¡± He sounds ashamed, deted, and devoid of hope; the tone of his voice yanks through my chest, tugging painfully at my emotions. ¡°I need to know what you were thinking, how far it went. It¡¯s all that goes through my head all the time. You and her and I can¡¯t bear it.¡± I don¡¯t hide my tears and my voice is trembling as much as my hands. He lifts his hands automatically fisting them and puts them back down. His urge to console me and touch me is torturing him as much as his closeness is torturing me. ¡°I wasn¡¯t thinking, Emma. There was just rage and mess and a lot of pent-up anger. The more wasted out of my head I got, the less logical everything became. It could¡¯ve been any girl, it just happened to be her. She appeared almost out of nowhere and was trying to get me to talk to her. I don¡¯t remember much of what happened only her kissing me and I didn¡¯t stop her for a minute. Jesus this is so hard to say to you.¡± His voice breaks, his body tense beside me yet I stay focused on myp. ¡°I need to know, I need to hear all of it,¡± I whisper, tears coursing down my face. My heart has finally met so much pain it¡¯s temporarily gone numb; a deep hollow of disbelief taking over me and giving me a moment of respite before it wears off. ¡°I guess she thought there was a chance for her. I knew I was making a mistake, even as messed-up as I was, so I pushed her away after seconds, baby, I swear. Nothing else happened, I didn¡¯t even touch her. I didn¡¯t stick around either ¡­ I stormed outside and ended up beating the shit out of a security guard in pure anger because I was so fucking mad at myself. I knew I¡¯d fucked-up, even in that state, baby, you must believe me, Emma. I¡¯ve never felt so much disgust at myself.¡± He shifts, getting as close as he can to feel my heat, still unsatisfied with not being able to touch me. Part of me longs to feel his arms around me but I ignore that inner defiance. ¡°Did you do it to hurt me? That¡¯s what you said that night. Tosh out.¡± I look away from him toward the kitchen and focus on the bedroom door I left open, trying not to think of the first time he carried me in there. So long ago yet still there to visually torture me. ¡°I worded it badly, Emma. I never did it in such a calcted way. I was acting up andshing out at everyone because I was a mess. Drunk, off my face on God knows what. Hitting people and kissing her ¡­ It was all part of my fuck you all haze. It wasn¡¯t like that. I couldn¡¯t intentionally do something to cause you pain or score points, I¡¯m crazy about you. You¡¯re everything to me.¡± He sighs heavily, voice broken, and this time without hesitation he catches my hand, pulling it into both of his firmly and holding tight. I don¡¯t resist this time, watching as his fingers move around my clenched fist slowly and gently stroking me, enjoying the way his skin always feels on mine, allowing myself this littlefort. I¡¯m trying to take in everything he¡¯s saying, and my head is getting so fuzzy with fatigue. ¡°I know I always seem like the cocky, arrogant asshole who¡¯s so sure of everything. I¡¯m that way because I¡¯ve had a lifetime of being on show in the limelight. It¡¯s a part I y so well that sometimes I forget to tell you about the other side ¡­ There is another side, Emma, the jealous, grumpy, shitty side. He¡¯s insecure and so sure that he¡¯s only holding onto you by the skin of his teeth. He¡¯s lurking inside me telling me that I¡¯ll never be good enough to keep you, that my past will push you away. It¡¯s why I push for more, push to get you to move in, push for the house, and the dream, push for marriage.¡± He¡¯s gazing at me intently, squeezing my hand into his, I think he¡¯s waiting for me to say something, but I can¡¯t. I don¡¯t know what to say or how to say it. I¡¯ve never been here before either. I look away, unsure of what he¡¯s going to profess next but the passion in his stare pulls me back. I nce at him pleadingly, not knowing how to respond. He realizes I need something else, something more, something that brings this is all back together and he takes a deep breath ready to continue his onught; knowing it¡¯s anything but unrequited; speaking to my inner soul. ¡°You¡¯re the one for me, Emma. The woman I want my happily ever after with, the big house full of kids. I figured rushing you into that stuff would make me feel more secure. Stuff I never imagined myself ever hoping for, but I see it all with you. It¡¯s that guy who got unleashed with force that night and I couldn¡¯t rein him back in. The insecure guy who figured he¡¯d been right all along, and he could never keep you; that destructive me hasn¡¯t reared his head for a very long time and he never will again ¡­¡± He leans in toward me, his voice closer to my ear, his breath tickling my face. ¡°At Daniel¡¯s that night, while wanting to beat the shit out of myself, I realized something ¡­ I always had you, every part of you, and I was too stupid to see it or believe it until I fucked it up.¡± His hoarse voice breaks a little, his tone deep and full of despair. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. I sniff back the overwhelming wave of pain he¡¯s caused me and lift my chin to look at him, gulping back the onught of tears a little forcefully, his words slicing through my heart. Chapter 200 Chapter 200 ¡°I still love you, Jake, but I¡¯m so confused right now and so hurt. I was always yours. I don¡¯t know how else I could¡¯ve made you believe it. What else I could have said or done?¡± I¡¯ve no idea what else to say after that. So many things are running through my head, trying to process that Jake could be as insecure as me in our rtionship haspletely thrown me, I never imagined someone like him would doubt anything; let alone how I felt about him. ¡°You didn¡¯t need to, baby. I should¡¯ve realized it before acting like the world¡¯s biggest asshole. I love you more than anything in the world, you have to believe that.¡± He catches my other wrist and pulls both hands up, so I¡¯m drawn toward him, his forehead touching mine, giving me no option but to obey. His alluring green eyes meet mine, but they are dark and foreboding with the intensity of his emotions. Emotions matching mine. I missed those eyes so much, like doorways to my soul. ¡°You¡¯re mine, you¡¯ll always be mine, and I¡¯ll literally rip the world apart to keep you, bambino.¡± He leans in and I know he¡¯s going to kiss me, moving in slowly, his eyes focused on my mouth with a hint of longing so intense it stings through my chest. My heartbeat rises in tempo and my blood runs cold as fear overtakes me. My breathing hitches as he gently grazes his lips across mine, soft, warm, and tender. Familiar lips that I could almost fall into, hoping to erase the pain they caused. Marissa floods into my head smirking at me, pulling Jake¡¯s mouth to hers while her eyes bore into the recesses of my mind, forcing me to push him away sharply. ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ Not yet.¡± I gasp yanking back trying to reel in the crazy burst of emotions that are overwhelming me, suffocating me, and making my body tingle crazily. He lets me loose with a sigh and a look on his beautiful face of utter detion. ¡°I understand. I told you, whatever you need, no matter how long it takes. I¡¯m going to do whatever it takes to have you back with me.¡± The sincerity in his voice helps calm me. ¡°I can¡¯t think straight ¡­ I¡¯m so tired and overemotional.¡± I sag against the couch, letting out a slow breath, wiping more tears from my already sensitive face. The hangover hits me hard again and fatigue pushes at my eyelids cruelly. I long for some peace in this nightmare for just a little while, all this emotional roller coaster has done is make me crave for sleep. He leans out pulling me into his arms, strong, safe, and secure. He slides back along the couch and nestles me alongside him as he lies down, his arms and legs around me, spooning me. I don¡¯t fight or struggle. I¡¯m too tired to protest or resist, a part of me wants this, after everything that he¡¯s told me, a part of me needs to feel him around me right now. The pain of being close and not have him touch me has been agony. ¡°Go to sleep, neonata. I¡¯m not going anywhere; I could use the sleep too. I was up all night checking on drunk women.¡± He buries his face in the back of my hair and breathes me in, surrounding me with the security that I¡¯ve been aching for. My mind is telling me to push him away, but my heart is aching with his touch. I close my eyes, trying to bring calm to my reeling mind, trying to ignore the way my body is rxing into him, molding itself to his hold like a traitorous whore. You¡¯re weak, just like her! Your mother would be so proud! I push the voice in my head away, too tired for battle, too tired for any of this. I know I shouldn¡¯t let him touch me, but I can¡¯tpete against this. I¡¯m tired, broken, and hungover and right now, lying here in his arms is a battle I¡¯m too exhausted to fight against. ¡°Maybe for a little while,¡± I say. ¡°Then I should go.¡± I¡¯m already rxing into him, tiredness fuzzing out my brain, like being enveloped into a soft, fluffy, warm room after a terrifyingly cold night. It¡¯s so easy to rx in his arms, they¡¯ve always been my safety and my whole world. The fatigue is moving in with just his hold over me as though I¡¯ve been waiting toe back to this. Lying here like this I finally feel able to still my mind, focusing on just the feel and smell of him. The gentleness of his breathing and the way his fingers stroke my arm. It¡¯s all so familiar and so necessary to my mental state. I don¡¯t fight sleep as it moves in, enveloped in his arms, in the warmth and security my body has been longing for. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. * * * I wake with a jump, dreaming I was falling, my heart racing as I bump back to reality. Jake¡¯s arms tighten around me and hold me still. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± he mumbles, sleepily, not fully coherent, bringing my cheek to his mouth and kissing me lightly. His warm breath giving me tingles and soothing my racing heart. ¡°I¡¯m here.¡± His voice is gravelly, he¡¯s half-asleep and I¡¯m still held in his arms on the soft leather couch, only now there¡¯s a warm, fur throw over us and the room is so dark it¡¯s almost impossible to see. The only lights on show areing from New York¡¯s sparkling glow through the long, wide window behind us and I guess we must¡¯ve slept for hours as it¡¯s the middle of the night. Hisfort pains me, the way he can be asleep and still try to reassure me. ¡°I¡¯m okay, it wasn¡¯t one of those dreams. I dreamed I was falling, and it gave me a fright.¡± I try not to move, knowing if I turn to him, I won¡¯t stay here, I¡¯ll leave. I don¡¯t want to face reality and do this right now or give up being in his embrace just yet. ¡°Do you want to get up?¡± He squeezes me a little, clearing his throat to sound more awake, a huge lump hitting me in the stomach. The surge of emotion at his closeness and all his Jake mannerisms. He sounds unsure, wondering if I¡¯m going to ask to go home. I can feel it in the tense way he¡¯s holding onto me and my heart bleeds a little. ¡°Don¡¯t ever do that to me again,¡± I cry, suddenly letting all the emotion break loose at his tenderness. He freezes, his body going stiff , a slight ripple of his muscles against me. ¡°Do what?¡± His voice hoarse, as I unleash this burst of crazy Emma who has pounced out in the dark. There¡¯s a mild hint of confusion in his voice as he tries to understand what it is he¡¯s done to me while lying here next to me. ¡°Don¡¯t ever hurt me again ¡­ Don¡¯t ever do that to me again! Don¡¯t kiss another person or shut me out or make me feel like I don¡¯t matter! Don¡¯t make me feel like you don¡¯t love me anymore or don¡¯t give a shit about how you make me feel.¡± The sobs overtake me, and I can¡¯t say anymore. He crushes me to him, wrapping those arms tightly around me, pulling me into his body so we¡¯re almost one. ¡°Emma ¡­¡± The pain in his voice matches mine, grabbing me so close that he¡¯s squeezing me. ¡°You think I would ever be that stupid again? Thisst week has destroyed me. Do you know how many times I drove to Queens and sat a block away from your apartment, stopping myself froming for you? About three times a day, every day. I had to stop myself because I knew you didn¡¯t want to see me, and it killed me. I was right there, baby, when flowers were rejected, and gifts thrown back, because I hoped one of them might make you call me, and I wanted to be there as soon as you did. I swear I¡¯ll never, ever hurt you, never betray you again. I¡¯m sorry, sorrier than I can ever find the words to tell you. No one hates what I did more than me. Please, Emma, just give me one chance and I promise you I¡¯ll never give you another reason to leave me for the rest of our lives. I love you, you¡¯re all that matters to me, nothing else is worth anything if you¡¯re not a part of it. How you feel is everything. You¡¯re inside of me, you¡¯re a part of me, my heart doesn¡¯t beat without you, baby. I need you,¡± he says it all, barely taking a breath, clinging to me fiercely. I turn in his arms and throw myself around him takingfort from the person I need most in the world. I still ache, I¡¯m still grieving for what he¡¯s done but I need to be here with him if I¡¯m to heal. The wracking pain from being away from him is more unbearable than facing the pain of what he¡¯s done to us. It¡¯s crazy and messed-up; maybe it makes me weak but it¡¯s the only way I can function. ¡°I don¡¯t want to leave,¡± I whimper, with my head buried in his neck. ¡°No one is making you go, Emma, in fact, they¡¯re going to have to fight me to the death to try to get you out of my arms. I won¡¯t let you go.¡± The hoarseness in his voice betrays his emotion, close to breaking down, yet with a hint of stubborn Carrero. ¡°I want toe home.¡± I sniff, quietly, my heart wrenching through my chest, painfully. ¡°I want you home. I need you home.¡± He presses his mouth to my forehead and inhales me heavily. I sound like a broken child, wrapped in my security nket, longing for him to take all my decisions away and take care of me. I can be angry and sort out the mess of what we have left tomorrow, then, when I¡¯m more able to, we can face this, together; whatever ¡®this¡¯ is, or is going to be. ¡°I still don¡¯t know if I can ¡­¡± I hesitate, screwing my eyes shut against his chest, breathing in his scent. ¡°I told you, I¡¯ll do whatever you need, baby. As much space as you need ¡­ As much time as you need. Come home, I¡¯ll sleep somewhere else in here if that¡¯s what you need. I¡¯m begging you.¡± His voice is rough and low, his arms holding me tight, and I know he¡¯ll never let anyone take me. My Jake. My security. My tormentor. Chapter 201 Chapter 201 ¡°Can we go to bed?¡± I whisper. I¡¯m still so exhausted, I want to stop thinking, just for one moment and forget any of this, forget everything but what he feels like. I¡¯m not ready to be free of his arms around me giving me much-needed serenity. I sniff back thest of my tears and lift my chin to him. ¡°Together? Same bed?¡± He¡¯s wary and being gentle. He doesn¡¯t want to presume anything, so I nod and bring my eyes to his in the dim light. ¡°Don¡¯t do anything more than hold me ¡­ I can¡¯t ¡­ I just can¡¯t do anything more than that, I don¡¯t even know if we can even do this.¡± Even though I know I need this. I close my eyes and rest against him, trying to calm all the inner protests and voices telling me how pathetic and weak I am. ¡°We¡¯ll take it every hour at a time, adjust to what you need. Just being with you is enough, neonata, it¡¯s always enough.¡± He slides up and scoops me into his arms like a child, letting the throw slide from us to the floor almost gracefully. He carries me, as though I¡¯m fragile and ready to break, to the bedroom and lies me down gently on the bed before moving back to give me space. Then he turns his back, so I can have privacy to change. I pull off my clothes, without hesitation, until only my underwear and the silk camisole remain then I slide under the sheets. Being back in this room and in this bed with him, makes my heart lift a little, that empty hopelessness moving away just enough to let me breathe. When he hears me sliding into the sheets, he pulls off his clothes too, keeping only his boxers on and he slips in beside me. He waits hesitantly to see if I want his touch, until I tug his hand toward me and he rxes taking me back into his arms, holding me tight then begins to stroke my hair softly. ¡°I love you so much.¡± His soft low huskiness makes me close my eyes and I trace my hands along his powerful arms around me. My body is yearning for more than his embrace but is quietened by my emotions building inside. I can¡¯t bear to do more than this until I can push her out of my head if I ever can. What he did with her, the confusion about what I want and all the emotions swirling up inside of me waiting for release. There¡¯s a storm brewing inside of me and she¡¯s not ready to give up the fight just yet but she needs this for herself. She needs a break from the pain and he¡¯s the only one who¡¯s capable of giving it to her. A lull in the storm to get my head straight with some much-needed rest and solitude from my own brain. I snuggle down under the duvet and wrap my legs through his, without even thinking about what I¡¯m doing, in the way we have done a million times before. His deep steady breathing calms me completely, the thoughts, aches, and pains, drift into numbness. I¡¯m shocked at just how quickly I start dosing off again, days of emotional insomnia finally catching up with me. Weak, pathetic girl. Mommy¡¯s little mirror image. Shhhh, I¡¯m nothing like her. * * * I yawn, stretching out like a satisfied cat in the silkyfortable bed, my mind taking moments toe to terms with where I am. Fully rested for the first time in days and for a second, I forgot everything. Jake is close by, his arms around my waist, his legs across mine but he¡¯s sound asleep. I take a minute to evaluate how I feel about waking up this way. I slowly pull myself free from his embrace and sit up in the bed, pulling my knees to my chest and sighing. Confusion still present? Check. Emotions all over the ce? Check. Still not further forward in how I feel about him. Check. Just friggin dandy! It¡¯ste in the day; past eleven am. I don¡¯t remember thest time I slept this much so I sit and watch him sleep a little longer. The longing to reach out and touch him is overwhelming me, so I slide out of bed and go to the shower, locking the door for the first time ever. I¡¯m not ready for anything to happen between us and need some time alone to stand under the massaging jets of water and think of nothing. I don¡¯t regret being here or sharing a bed with him, my heart needs it and I meant it when I said I wanted toe home. This is where I belong, and Sarah is right; the only way I can begin to forgive him is by being here, surrounded by him and taking everything a day at a time. I don¡¯t know when things will feel better for me, but I love him, and I can¡¯t bear for it to be the end. I need him. Does this mean a part of me has made up my mind to give him a chance? This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. I stop for a moment to blink through this thought. I guess a part of me knew from drunk dialing him that I wasn¡¯t ready to end things. I wasn¡¯t ready to live a Jake-less life, but it doesn¡¯t mean I can¡¯t walk away. I need to see how this goes; see if I can move on and really get back to what we had. If I can¡¯t then I¡¯ll go. When I wander through to the bedroom draped in a warm fluffy robe, the bed is empty, and the covers strewn messily, but the smell of coffee and food is wafting through the walls. I pull my robe tighter and rub my hair with the towel, then leave it down to air dry; it¡¯s at its waviest when damp. The internal war inside of me seems to be giving me a break for now; it¡¯s like she¡¯s holding her breath, just waiting to see how things develop. For once I¡¯m d of theck of constant emotional torture, and this new rtive peace sweeping through me. I guess a decent night¡¯s sleep with no night terrors has helped immensely. I wander through to find Jake sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee in T-shirt and sweatpants. He looks better, less tired and ruffled, and has damp hair too. He smells divine. He¡¯s trimmed his stubble and sorted his hair. He looks like normal Jake, not the slightly tired and rumpled version of yesterday. Something I wasn¡¯t aware I was aching to see until now. He smiles at me when I approach, wide and happy, uncovering a te of croissants, bacon, and pancakes for me; my breakfast of choice from one of my favorite local deli. I slide onto a stool beside him and watch as he pours me an orange juice before sliding it in front of me with a peck on the cheek. I pause at the affectionate touch; waiting for the pain or the image of her but nothinges. Just the warmth of his skin on mine. He seems to sense my hesitation but just goes back to his coffee without a word. I¡¯ve no clue about how we¡¯re meant to do this, touching or not, cuddling or not. I¡¯ve no idea if I want it or not. I¡¯m ravenous, despite having zero appetite thest few days, and dig in in silence. I didn¡¯t eat at all yesterday, we¡¯d slept the day and night away. Catching up on rest from days of emotional angst and emotional insomnia; food has been thest thing on my mind. I¡¯m aware of Jake¡¯s eyes on me a few times but concentrate on eating without looking his way. My head is calmer today and I¡¯m more positive, but there¡¯s still a can of worms waiting to be opened; not sure I even want to try to prize it open yet. ¡°What do you want to do today? Stay here and talk? Or go somewhere else and talk?¡± Jake¡¯s voice cuts into the quietness of my brain. He drops his fork and lifts his coffee mug, his eyes on my profile watching me eat. ¡°Maybe we could go for a drive?¡± I say shyly. ¡°I don¡¯t really think there¡¯s much left to say, to talk about I mean ¡­ We can only see how it goes.¡± I swallow hard. I¡¯ve no idea why this makes me nervous; talking has never been my strong point but indecision is not something I¡¯ve ever dealt with. It¡¯s knocking me off kilter, so I focus, a little more intently, on eating my food. ¡°I told you, Emma, whatever you want. If it¡¯s to talk or not, if it¡¯s to take you ces and distract you or even if it¡¯s to sit in silence. Whatever you need, I just need you to tell me.¡± His fingerse to brush my free hand and I watch, mesmerized, as he trails the tips over my knucklesid on the countertop. So softly, it¡¯s barely a tickle, but it feels natural and right; my own body betraying me once again. Pathetic, Emma. ¡°Right now, I don¡¯t want to think anymore, Jake. I just want to rx and not feel anything for a little while. Pretend that everything is normal.¡± I sigh heavily, pushing away PA Emma¡¯s voice in my head. ¡°Don¡¯t hide inside your own head, bambino. I know your impulse is to block it out and push it away with all the other things that hurt you ¡­ But please not this. We have to deal with this properly, neonata, so it neveres back to hurt us again.¡± He turns in his seat pulling my stool between his open knees, so I¡¯m nestled close to him. It seems letting him wrap himself around me all night has given him permission to proceed with his touchy old Carrero self. I know I should be setting limits, making him keep his distance but I don¡¯t. My body is yearning for his soothing touch; a rxing balm for me today. I went days without it, and it was agony, now my body is making up for its loss. ¡°I know.¡± I can¡¯t help ncing at him, his knucklesing to graze my cheek gently, the fluttering inside of me at his touch even now. I pull my face away and bite my lip as his hand drops between us, even after what he¡¯s done, I¡¯m responding and feel angry at myself. Chapter 202 Chapter 202 ¡°Where do you want to drive to?¡± His voice is softer, with being so close and his gaze is intent on my mouth. I can tell how much he wants to kiss me, and it only makes the fear inside me lift higher. That kiss invites her into my head, all the pain of what he did and I¡¯m not ready to deal with that right now. I turn away, so I¡¯m not tempted and push my empty te aside. I look out across the open-n room and sigh knowing that he¡¯s reading every signal I¡¯m giving off with apprehension, probably overanalyzing every one. Being so near him has my head in chaos about what I want from him, blurring the lines of how much touching I can bear to allow. ¡°I don¡¯t know ¡­ just anywhere, somewhere pretty. Somewhere that¡¯s not here.¡± I shrug. I don¡¯t know why I want him to drive me anywhere, maybe the motion of the car, and Jake being the one in control somehow makes it feel better. It means I can take a time out from life while he focuses on the road and maybe we can just listen to music and not talk. I don¡¯t want to talk. I¡¯m scared that if I start talking about everything, about her and the baby, if she still means anything to him and our life, then it will alle crashing painfully in on me like a fragile tower of cards. Today I want quiet and calm and to be with him. The past few days have taken a toll and this little respite is like a breath of warm air in the frost. I want a time out and nowhere in the rules of whatever this is does it say that I can¡¯t have that. ¡°Okay ¡­ Your wish is mymand beautiful. Do you need me to take you to Queens for clothes first?¡± His fake jovial tone makes me falter and I hate that it¡¯s not genuine; that we¡¯re hurting each other this way. I inhale, heavily, trying to get at least one breath that doesn¡¯teced with pain. ¡°Later. I¡¯ll just keep on the clothes you brought me yesterday seeing as all I¡¯ve done is sleep.¡± I can¡¯t exin the weird way I feel, but all I want right now is to get out, go somewhere where no one knows us, where I don¡¯t need to exin anything to anyone. Sarah would ask questions, but I need reflection and silence and maybe him. Okay, definitely him. I¡¯m still tired and despite eating I¡¯m a little lightheaded. All the recent emotional turmoil,ck of food and sleep has taken its toll on me and now it¡¯s ying catch up. ¡°Can we go now?¡± the apartment closing in on me and restlessness is kicking in. If I keep sitting here, near him, like this, I¡¯ll want to kiss him, and kissing would lead to touching. Then I¡¯d want him all over me, inside of me and I¡¯m not ready to take that step just yet. I don¡¯t know if I ever will be, it¡¯s too confusing with him being close enough to inhale. ¡°Sure, go get ready. Which car do you want to take?¡± He slides his mug beside his empty te, and I sigh, pushing myself up from the bar stool. ¡°The Bat-mobile.¡± I smile shyly at him, knowing a ride in his pride and joy will make him happy and right now I want to hear it genuinely in his voice, and not just y pretend. ¡°Lucky for you I keep it downstairs.¡± He grins merrily at the mention of his toy and slides out of his own chair; stooping down to kiss me behind the ear, thoughtlessly, before picking up his phone and walking toward the bedroom. I falter at his touch but take a deep steadying breath. Make a choice; either he¡¯s allowed to touch you and throw affection your way or he¡¯s not. You¡¯re only confusing him and yourself by not deciding whether he can or not. I swallow down the ball of emotion rising in my throat and head toward the bedroom to get dressed. I just don¡¯t know okay! * * * Less than half an hourter we¡¯re heading out of the city onto calmer scenery. Jake suggested driving to Long Ind, over an hour away, and maybe stopping somewhere to walk and take in the beautiful surroundings. He¡¯s packed a couple of warm jackets, and a hat for me, and looked up some quiet spots for lunch for when we get there. He¡¯s being romantic and thoughtful Jake, trying to show me how much I mean to him. The car is stiflingly hot, even though the weather is mild, and his air con is blowing gently, and a slow heat is creeping up my spine. I wonder if maybe the way I¡¯ve been feeling is a sign I¡¯m getting sick. Yes, that¡¯s really what I need right now on top of everything else. I¡¯m exhausted, even though I slept a lotst night, this fatigue can¡¯t be from the emotional insomnia I¡¯ve suffered from for the past week. Right now, here with Jake, listening to quiet country music as we pass through the city, I feel anything but emotional, yet my body ispletely out of whack. I¡¯m tired and sensitive. The nausea from my hangover lingering, despite sleeping for almost an entire day and night so I crack the window a little for air. ¡°You okay, bambino?¡± Jake¡¯s voice cuts through my inner dialog and I nce at him, quietly. ¡°You look a little pale suddenly.¡± He lifts his fingers to my cheek, and frowns. ¡°You feel warm too.¡± He looks around, veering the car into a side street and pulls over before he leans across further to feel my face properly. The touch of his hands on my skin sends out another brain filled bout of arguing voices that I¡¯ve zero energy to contend with. Fine, he can touch me ¡­ End of! ¡°I think I¡¯m getting sick. I¡¯ve definitely been feeling off colortely.¡± I admit, resting my forehead against his palm instinctively. The inner voices seem to have shut up now that I¡¯ve given consent for him to touch me. ¡°I don¡¯t think a trip to Long Ind is the answer, Emma. I¡¯m taking you home and you¡¯re going to bed.¡± He has the serious don¡¯t arguemanding tone in his voice that for once I¡¯ve no desire to argue against. My bile has risen, slowly, since getting into the car and right now I have an overwhelming urge to gag. ¡°I¡¯m not that sick, Jake, it¡¯s just remnants of my hangover and this past week.¡± I try for a smile but without warning the nausea rises out of me and I jack the car door open just in time to get my head out before I throw up. ¡°Jesus. Emma!¡± Jake lets go of me and within seconds appears at the outside of the car pulling me away from the contents of my stomach, to a nearby step and sitting me down. I rest my head between my knees before turning away in panic as I throw up again into nearby bushes; retching in pain as I lose the only things I¡¯ve eaten over the past two days. This time Jake holds back my hair and bnces my shoulder keeping me steady. ¡°Can you sit up?¡± He pulls me back against him and doesn¡¯t let go until I nod. ¡°I have water in the car.¡± He jumps up, dashing to the open doors of the car and back again in a sh. He takes up his position behind me, bringing the bottle to my hands and I lean against him sipping the burning taste of vomit away from my mouth. My head is swimming as the nausea subsides and suddenly, I feel weak and tired. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen you ill ¡­ You¡¯re worrying me, miele. I think we need to get you home and looked at.¡± He sounds concerned, with a hint of panic to his voice. He holds me to him, with his palm on my forehead, giving me more reasons for taking a chance on him and getting this, between us, to work. He¡¯s taking care of me, just like he always does. I love you so much. ¡°It¡¯s just a bug, or something I¡¯ve eaten. I¡¯ll be okay. I¡¯m starting to feel a little better now.¡± I try for a convincing smile, tilting my face toward him, but his face only hardens some more. I feel fragile and my voice is exposing my little white lie. He doesn¡¯t like what he sees, and I know it¡¯s futile to hide this from him. ¡°You¡¯re so white and you¡¯re trembling. We¡¯re going home.¡± He scoops me up onto hisp, closing his legs beneath me, holding me close. ¡°If it¡¯s nothing then it won¡¯t do any harm having a doctor look at you, will it?¡± He rests my head against his neck holding me in. ¡°If it makes you happier but I can promise you, this is nothing.¡± I¡¯m too tired to argue with him and too faint to care. I¡¯m not even protesting when he lifts me up and carries me to the car, sliding me in to avoid the puddle I left beside the door. He clips my belt over me and closes the door down before getting into the other side and starting up. ¡°Home and bed,¡± hemands, reversing out, resting a hand on my cheek one more time, testing my temperature to see if I¡¯m hot. Iy my head into him for a moment before pulling away as the emotional confusion hits home again. Maybe touching isn¡¯t such a good idea. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. ¡°Yes, sir,¡± I say, closing my eyes and resting my head back against the seat. If I block out the motion and try to rx, I¡¯m sure I can keep the nausea at bay until we¡¯re back at the apartment. It isn¡¯t that far. Chapter 203 Chapter 203 ¡°We¡¯re here, miele.¡± Jake lifts me from the car when I blink my eyes open. I¡¯m sure it¡¯s only been seconds since I closed them. I¡¯m in his arms being lifted out of the car and the garage around us looks exactly like underground parking at his apartment, and I¡¯mpletely thrown. ¡°We¡¯re home already?¡± I blink a few times snuggling closer into his strength still trying to get a grip on reality, confusion all over my face, severely disorientated. ¡°You fell asleep pretty quickly, bambino, you don¡¯t look so white anymore, so I think it did you some good.¡± Jake brushes his mouth against my forehead with a soft smile. What the hell is with the sleepingtely? I close my eyes and let Jake carry me into the elevator and home. He¡¯s right, I do feel better for having taken a nap. The nausea has subsided almostpletely and now I just feel hungry. I know I should be fighting him to let me walk but my body and mind are in unanimous decision to let him do this. I open my eyes when heys me on the bed in his room. Nora has been in and cleaned up in that precise hotel-esque method of hers. The room is surprisinglyforting, and I take a breath feeling like I¡¯ve returned home. I¡¯m more than aware of the surge of happy tion it gives me and frown at myself. ¡°I don¡¯t need to go to bed. I feel better and I¡¯m hungry.¡± I smile as he slides down beside me on the neat sheets. I sit myself up a little, wary he might start wrapping himself around me, and cross my arms over my chest defensively. ¡°You¡¯re staying here regardless. I¡¯ll get you some food if you¡¯re sure that¡¯s what you want.¡± He frowns at me with aical look on his face, his eyes take in my posture, and he moves away a little. Not that I me him. Vomiting then asking for food isn¡¯t exactly normal. He lifts his fingers to my cheek, and I let them linger there. ¡°You still feel hot but you¡¯re not so pale anymore.¡± The way his touch feels is more than enough proof that I should make it clear that I¡¯m not ready for it. ¡°I guess the car just made me feel worse.¡± I shrug with one shoulder, nestling onto the bed a little more comfortably. I watch the way the sunshinees into the room, lightening the color in his beautiful eyes to an almost transparent, gem-stone green. One thing Jake will always be to me is gorgeous, despite how much he has hurt me. ¡°Maybe.¡± Jake gets up and leaves the room, telling Nora to make me something light. Nora replies saying something about home-made chicken soup, and I roll my eyes. The two of them are acting like I have a terminal illness. I swing my legs off the bed, standing quickly, to tell him how ridiculous he¡¯s being and instantly crumble. My vision cking out and my body losing all control, Jell-O legs andplete disorientation as I stand far too quickly. ¡°Shit.¡± I groan, feeling the cold wood floor connecting harshly with my limbs. I realize that I knocked my elbow, sharply, on the way down to my current crouching position. ¡°Emma? Emma ¡­ Fuck!¡± Jake¡¯s panicked voice is followed by heavy boots running toward me and I¡¯m being dragged up from the floor into his strong embrace. ¡°Did you fall? Why were you up? Are you okay?¡± He¡¯s lifting me up onto the bed with him so I¡¯m sitting in hisp, wrapped in him, aware my whole body has started to tremble and heat flushes across my face in a devastatingly horrible way; the rise of nausea strong again as dizziness gives way to coldness. ¡°I think it was a fainting spell,¡± I mumble weakly. ¡°I don¡¯t think I fainted, but I don¡¯t feel so good.¡± I slump against his chest, knowing what¡¯sing next and I don¡¯t have the energy or inclination to argue. I¡¯m completely out of whack and ready to lie down and stay in bed just like he ordered. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°That¡¯s it, this happened in the Hamptons and now this, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m calling my doctor. Get into bed and do not move ¡­ I swear if you so much as lift your head there will be hell to pay.¡± He¡¯s in snappy, bossy Carrero mode. He sweeps back the covers andys me down in the open space, pulling my boots and sweater off, before covering me up gingerly. He looks stressed and wired and all I can do is smile weakly in return. There he is ¡­ That¡¯s my Carrero; a vision of domineering aggression in all his concerned beauty. God I¡¯ve missed you. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± I throw a mocked salute at him, still shaken, but lying down in the cool sheets helps. The overwhelming trembling is subsiding, and the nausea is calming down. He picks up the TV remote and presses it, the TVing down from the concealed space in the ceiling, choosing a romantic chick flick for me from the menu. His body stiff as he scrolls but I can¡¯t help smiling at his choice. ¡°Here.¡± He hands me the remote with a warning glint in his eye. ¡°Stay put, Nora is making you food, I¡¯m going to call the doctor. I¡¯ll be back soon, and I better not find you¡¯ve moved out of this bed; even once,¡± hemands. His eyes fiery and his facepletely serious. It makes my inner nerves jump a little in a tug of heartfelt emotion. He bends kissing me lightly on the forehead, then walks off lifting his phone to his ear, heading to his office. I can tell he¡¯s trying to act like he¡¯s in control but that flicker of worry and the fact he¡¯s left the room to call his doctor makes my heart swell a little. Through all my crazy internal emotional mess it¡¯s this part of him that always wins me over. Jake is really worried about me. It¡¯s so sweet it¡¯s almost funny as is his choice of movie for me. Ten Things I Hate About You. I guess he knows I¡¯m emotionally all over the ce with how I feel about him, and he¡¯s using movies the way he uses iTunes; except this film is for me to him. He knows I¡¯m struggling to get past the things he¡¯s done to make me hate him. I can¡¯t help but sigh feeling more than a little bit torn. I don¡¯t hate you, Jake. I¡¯m hurt, and I hate her. I¡¯m just confused. I know I¡¯m fine, physically, maybe in need of some bed rest and sleep. I¡¯ve caught a little bug but I¡¯m positive there¡¯s nothing for him to worry about ¡­ nothing physically anyway, my mind on the other hand, apletely different ballpark. I wake up to Nora cing a tray of home-made soup on a table beside the bed and realize I fell asleep again, another sign that I have a virus. I move to sit up as Jake¡¯s handse from beside me, lifting the cushions, helping me to sit. He¡¯s on the bed next to me on top of the covers in sweats and a T-shirt with a mountain of files scattered beside him. I guess while I slept, he¡¯s been keeping mepany and working. Jake doing what he does while he lets me rx and just enjoy the peace, it almost feels normal, like before any of this mess came between us. The movie is still ying so I mustn¡¯t have been out for too long. ¡°Thank you, Nora.¡± I smile, looking down at the bowl of soup and te of crusty bread served with a ss of fresh orange juice. She knows how to melt her way into my heart, the woman is a saint. ¡°How¡¯re you feeling?¡± Jake smooths back my hair as I pull the tray toward me. His fingers grazing my cheek as though checking my temperature and I can feel his eyes on me. ¡°Too fuzzy from sleeping to know.¡± I smile at him over my shoulder quickly, halted by how gorgeous he looks. It makes my insides clench, part of me longing for a time before any of this happened, a time when I could turn and curl into him without any of this emotional turmoil inside. ¡°How long was I out?¡± I turn my attention back to the bowl, leaning out of bed, and taking a spoonful. The soup tastes amazing, like I¡¯ve been starved for a week. ¡°About an hour and a half.¡± He picks up the files on hisp and shuffles them around. ¡°The doctor said she¡¯d be here about two hours after my call. So, eat up. She should be here soon.¡± He shifts and chucks a bunch of files onto to the floor from his side of the bed. I hear them scatter as some slide across the floor. I have zero inclination to ask about work right now. If anything, this separation has highlighted how detached and non-interested in the Carrero Corporation I¡¯ve be, and I know deep down I¡¯ll never go back to that job. ¡°I don¡¯t think I need to see a doctor you know.¡± I try to start reasoning with him but the dark look on his face quietens me. He has that no-nonsense verging on yelling kind of scary look that I have no energy to handle right now. Oh, hello, Boss Carrero; nice to see you still exist. ¡°Emma, whether you want to see her or not she¡¯sing.¡± He watches me eat with his prating gaze, causing me to lose my confidence. ¡°You¡¯re looking pale again.¡± He leans over to feel my cheek and frowns. I don¡¯t feel hot just tired, and hungry, in fact more than hungry. This soup is the best I¡¯ve eaten in my life. Jake sighs and he leans back pulling his warm hands away; a mixed tingling of relief and disappointment runs through me. Chapter 204 Chapter 204 Jake is right, less than half an hourter the lovely Doctor Rachael Brown is shown into the room to examine me. I tell her there¡¯s no point evicting Jake as he¡¯ll only linger, asking questions, at the closed door every two minutes distracting her from her job. He has an air ofmand oozing from him and he¡¯s in a no- nonsense mood. He¡¯s already hanging at the side of bed with a grim expression on his face, as though he wants to beat someone. ¡°Doctor.¡± He nods her way and watches her like a hawk. She smiles, indulgently, and gives me a sympathetic look. I guess she¡¯s met a few overprotective men in her career and looks like she can handle the Carreros of this world. ¡°So, now, how can I help here?¡± She smiles sweetly, her voice as smooth as honey, with one perfectly manicured hand she runs a stray copper hair back into her neat French roll. She looks more like one of Jake¡¯s top executives than a doctor. ¡°She¡¯s passed out more than once recently, this morning being thetest and she vomited when we were out earlier. Something is just off with her. I can feel it. She never gets sick.¡± Jake¡¯s husky tone and narrowed gaze is almost impaling her hands. He¡¯s watching intently as she moves a stethoscope toward me. ¡°You know she¡¯s not going to stab me with it, right?¡± I giggle at him and watch his facial expression soften slightly. He gives me half a smile and the doctor smirks from the corner of her mouth as she encourages me to pull down the sheets so she can get to my chest and abdomen. Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org. Jake walks over to his wardrobe andes back with a T-shirt. I¡¯m just wearing underwear right now, so he holds it out to me as the doctor moves behind me to listen to my back and I slide it on over my head awkwardly. ¡°Do you have any other symptoms or concerns?¡± She¡¯s gazing at me intensely, checking my throat and nds, generally fluttering around my body while she listens to me. Her hands are surprisingly soft and warm andpletely non-intrusive despite being all over me. ¡°I want to sleep an awful lot, constantly feel exhausted, a little weak I guess, and I¡¯ve noticed I¡¯m hungrier than normal.¡± I sigh and catch Jake¡¯s eyes narrow even further. I know he¡¯s using me of not telling him something important. It¡¯s not like wanting more food and being crazy tired is a symptom of anything but emotional exhaustion and insomnia. So he can take that re elsewhere! I narrow my eyes back at him and I¡¯m met with that stubborn furrow of his brow. ¡°Hmm, mmm, hmmm.¡± The doctor pulls something from her bag, a book, and jots some things down. ¡°Anything else? Tender anywhere? Unusual behaviors or cravings?¡± She¡¯s not looking at me but instead rummaging in her bag pulling out some bottles and vials then moving to stand. ¡°Um ¡­ not that I can think of.¡± I hate being put on the spot when I haven¡¯t really been paying attention to my own body. ¡°I¡¯ve been distracted with other thingstely, so I¡¯ve not really taken much notice of anything like that,¡± I exin, smiling. But then I catch Jake¡¯s re dissipating, he lookspletely guilt ridden and hangs his head a little. The effect is devastating, and a surge of ache hits me hard. I want to reach out and cuddle him and make it go away. He looks so forlorn. ¡°I think some urine and bloods might be a good idea. Then, some more questions and a more thorough work up. Are you okay with that?¡± She blinks at me with a professional smile and I nod. I catch Jake in the corner of my eye; hands in pockets, leaning back against the t gray paintwork with the air of a guy who has no will to do anything but wait and watch. He¡¯s obviously mulling things over in his head; lost in his own regrets and guilt. I want to pull him out of it and wrap myself around him. But the doctor¡¯s hands jolt me back to what she needs to do right now. During the next half hour, she examines me thoroughly, questioning me endlessly about my daily routines and other things that don¡¯t seem to have much rtion to tiredness and extreme hunger. She takes blood and asks me to urinate in a cup which is awkward, given that the act of standing makes me feel too lightheaded. Jake tries toe to my rescue but there¡¯s no way I want him to watch me peeing in a cup. I hold him back with a raised palm, hating the look of pain that shes across his face, he must think I¡¯m refusing his help because of what has happened thisst week. He moves back to his deted posturing against the wall, sinking into a quiet somber mood; I hate him this way. The doctor takes away everything she has collected, all cups and samples and moves to the oak unit that sits against the bedroom wall. She is spending a long time pouring, dipping, and using other chemicals and powders in her chemistry kit. It¡¯s fascinating to watch her, and it reminds me of the scientists in CSI. She has a very serious expression while she dips and tests and writes down notes, then picks it all up and takes things to the bathroom to clear it up. No one has said a word in what feels like an eternity, there are long tense silences and the apartment is eerily quiet; despite Nora being out there somewhere. We wait patiently while she disposes of things in the trash and washes her hands in the sink for at least five agonizing minutes. Jake pushes off the wall andes to sit on the bedside helping me fix his T-shirt, so I can remove my ufortable bra from underneath. He pulls up my sheets, kissing me lightly on the forehead as though I am a simple sick child in need of mothering. He plumps the cushions for me wordlessly, guarding his emotions, his face is set in a nk expression, but his bodynguage betrays his worried demeanor. ¡°What¡¯s the verdict, doc?¡± He watches the doctor as she strolls back into view. She writes something, studiously, on a medical pad left on the side unit and turns to look at us with a smile. He tenses, then take a long deep breath very slowly, emanating all kinds of fear. It makes me want to wrap my arms around his neck to make him feel better. He¡¯s the young boyish version of himself right now and I¡¯m incapable of withstanding that side of him. ¡°Emma, are you okay to discuss a diagnosis in front of Mr. Carrero?¡± She eyes me kindly; a no- nonsense attitude and raised brow that tells me she has every intention of evicting him if necessary. Jake stiffens. He either doesn¡¯t like her question and it¡¯s grating on his infamous ego, most likely bristling with attitude ready to take her on, or he¡¯s worried that the diagnosis is something to be truly scared about. ¡°It¡¯s fine. You can tell Jake anything you have to tell me.¡± I smile, graciously, knowing full well the drama that would ensue if I dared to try to make him leave. It would be horrific. Jake cuts in instantly. ¡°So, what is it? What¡¯s wrong with her?¡± His low growl indicating he¡¯s stressed over the diagnosis, his caveman aggressive demeanor a show of the scared Jake who has been riled by her attitude. I know him too well. He¡¯s sping my hands ying with my fingers in his I¡¯m nervous as hell way; but to anyone else, he looks terrifyingly pumped and ready to beat someone down. The doctor isn¡¯t fazed at all, she starts sliding her tools back into her open case, smoothing down her jacket, in a show of control and poise that PA Emma would have admired, and smiles widely, turning her full attention to my face. ¡°Nothing eight months of TLC won¡¯t cure, and I¡¯ll have your blood tests checked for low iron.¡± She smiles, seemingly pleased with herself. She doesn¡¯t falter at her hidden joke and moves to close the front part of her case. ¡°Eight ¡­ Months ¡­?¡± Jake¡¯s face nks. His voice is suddenly breathy, and all the aggression evaporates, he repeats it almost numbly, something registering in his head that I¡¯m not getting but his whole demeanor is stunned. ¡°Give or take ¡­ Here.¡± She hands me a slip of paper. ¡°It¡¯s a prescription for some folic acid and some vitamins.¡± Another bright smile, an air of confidence at thinking I know what she means but I truly don¡¯t. ¡°Doctor Brown ¡­ Why eight months? What¡¯s wrong?¡± I blink up at her, confused by her manner and answers. Perplexed at Jake¡¯s instant zombie like state. It¡¯s like I¡¯ve entered the twilight zone. Why do I need vitamins? What¡¯s wrong with me? Shit ¡­ I really am sick. I don¡¯t feel sick, and eight months to recover is not good at all. She smiles at both of us and sits down on the edge of the bed. Jake is being scarily silent, staring nkly at her and her apparent two heads. His hands have mped on mine firmly and there¡¯s a good chance he¡¯s stopped breathing, my stomach is tightening in fear, my senses going haywire, and my fingers turning a little blue at Jake¡¯s deathly grip. What the hell? ¡°I¡¯m guessing I should be more direct, Emma, I¡¯m saying you¡¯re pregnant. I would say given the answers to the questions I asked you¡¯re roughly under a month gone. Your contraception failed I¡¯m afraid.¡± She beams at me as though this is the most wonderful news in the world, but my throat tightens, and my stomach flips out, the room tips as the bubbling surge of panic hits me hard. What? Jake doesn¡¯t move, I¡¯m not sure he even heard her, he¡¯s acting like he¡¯s in a trance. Theplete opposite to what my inner mind is doing. ¡°Pregnant?¡± He finally says, before his shoulders flex and his fingers loosen the death grip on mine. He seems to sag a little, still staring but now down at hisp, his mind must be running through the possibility and the realization of what is happening, but I¡¯m just freaking out. My mind is racing, palms are sweating, and my throat closing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Chapter 205 Chapter 205 ¡°You¡¯re going to be a father.¡± She smiles at him and pats his arm gently before getting up. ¡°I should leave you two to it, let it sink in. Congrattions to you both.¡± She pulls her bag up onto her shoulder. ¡°You have my number, call when you want to discuss details about having her transferred to a specialist, Mr. Carrero. I can rmend a few. Emma, good luck.¡± She gets up to go and the panic surges over me in a terrifying wave of ice, loosening my tongue atst. ¡°Wait. I can¡¯t be, I mean I really can¡¯t. I¡¯m on the pill and we, I mean, I ¡­ haven¡¯t missed one. It¡¯s not possible, this isn¡¯t what was supposed to happen. I mean I should know, I would have known, wouldn¡¯t I? Oh, my God. I can¡¯t ¡­ I can¡¯t be pregnant; how can you be sure? You can make a mistake, right?¡± I¡¯m rambling, voice bubbling out in sheer freak out mode and about two tones higher than normal. My hands pping crazily in front of me. She pauses and gentlyys a calming hand on my shoulder leaning in close enough to make me sit still with bated breath. ¡°They pay me the big bucks because I¡¯m never wrong, sweetie. Contraception isn¡¯t one hundred percent and right now you¡¯re probably a little in shock. Take time to think it through and contact me with any questions until I sort you out a referral.¡± She pats me gently, then without any sign of me responding due to beingpletely speechless, she gets up with a goodbye to Jake, who is, quite frankly, freaking me out with his unearthly quietness. She moves off smiling gently and waving, then walks out without another word as we both sit silent, still staring at the spot she vacated. I turn my head to look to him for some sort of help, willing him to say something ¡­ Anything ¡­ To make this better or take it away or just help me stop floundering and freaking out. My body is ready to selfbust with the sheer amount of panic coursing through my veins and I want to shake him hard. Fucking snap out of it. A strange sense of disbelief washes over me; some inner voice trying to get me to calm down. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m awake. If I stay still, then I almost feel like I¡¯m dreaming. I can try not to think about what she¡¯s just said as the cold fear washes over me, over and over, like an all-consuming ck hole. I¡¯m sure doctors get it wrong all the time. Even the $10,000 a pop variety that Jake employs? ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s gravelly tone cuts into my thoughts, his grip on my hand has almost fallen away, and now he¡¯s looking at me with an odd expression; a faraway spooky kind of look in his eyes. He breaks into a slow steady smile, as though realization has crept up from somewhere low down, and he jerks forward in a sh, kissing me on the mouth ungracefully, hauling me into his arms for a hug. I¡¯m completely shaken by his reaction, wind knocked out of me, and still reeling with this new development. Jake¡¯s face radiates sheer joy, from zombie to hyperactive crazy man in one swift move, and it only makes me want to throat punch him even more right now. ¡°Jake, she has to be wrong. I¡¯m on the pill! I haven¡¯t missed any.¡± The tears in my eyes are threatening toe spilling down my face, my body is like Jell-O, and I¡¯m shaking. The shock is changing into some sort of soul gnawing reality that this is not a dream at all. Jake holds me close, wrapping me in his arms slowly and carefully, as though he¡¯s expecting me to turn hellcat and fight him; his eyes on me warily. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°It¡¯s going to be okay, bambino.¡± His soothing tone holds my panic in ce and stops it from escting into the full-blown hysteria that has been simmering inside of me. His embrace unleashes the overwhelming emotion hiding behind the fear in the recesses of my confuddled brain and ites springing out causing me to burst into tears. I can¡¯t be ¡­ I¡¯m not ready for this. I don¡¯t even know if I want to be a mother. Ever. I have no n in ce for this, no real expectation of ever doing this. ¡°Hey, baby, it¡¯s not what we expected but it¡¯s not awful. Don¡¯t cry. I know you¡¯re scared, Emma, but I¡¯ll always look after you, I¡¯m right here.¡± His tone almost sounds ¡­ pleased! I sit back ring at him in ¡°How is this not awful? How is this not fucking craziness personified? This is a life, a real human life between us that we never even talked about let alone nned.¡± I choke on the tears forcing their way out and Jake wipes them away, receiving a hand p in the process. It seems anger was close behind my emotional outburst and I¡¯m suddenly ragingly aggressive and want to smash things. Barely five minutes ago, we were contemting a life apart and whether I can ever let you kiss me again and now we¡¯re having a ¡­ Oh, my God I can¡¯t even say it. Anger gives way to choking fear, my head is a mass of confused emotions and feelings swirling dangerously close to consuming me. I think I¡¯m having some sort of heart attack. ¡°I know you¡¯re scared, miele. I know this is a shock but, Emma, we¡¯re going to be okay. It changes nothing about how much I¡¯m going to fight to make you trust me. It just gives me more reason to pull out all the stops.¡± He looks down at my abdomen and smiles. I have a serious urge to punch him in the face. Jake Carrero has left the building and some doppelg?nger crazy weirdo is sitting in his ce. There¡¯s no way in goddamn hell he can seriously think this is a good thing. What the hell is wrong with him? ¡°Jake, it¡¯s easy for you to say ¡­ You don¡¯t have to be pregnant, or give birth, or do whatever a mother does! Or be a mother!¡± I p my hands at him and he has the sense to lean back so his face is out of range; but he looks just the same, happiness bubbling under the straight and serious expression that he¡¯s trying to keep up, for my sake only. ¡°How the fuck can I be a mother?! I don¡¯t know how a mother is supposed to be! I haven¡¯t even touched a baby; I¡¯ve never actually met one up close. Do you have any idea how stupid this is? How messed-up we are and how bad bringing a life into this situation would be?! Oh, my God I think I¡¯m going to be sick.¡± I il my arms around trying to grasp the sheets of the bed to get out, but Jake is quick. He scoops me up and hauls ass to the bathroom just in time to get my head aimed at the toilet bowl. I give up my chicken soup in an udylike projectile manner before slumping back in his arms and start crying again. Emotional train wreck Emma is making a grande back in remarkable fashion. I literally have no control of the emotions I possess. I can¡¯t even begin to dissect them or get them into any real order or control. So much for a timeout! ¡°And how many more months of this?¡± I cry, waving my hands at the toilet hopelessly, grabbing the flusher in repulsion, sniffing back new tears. ¡°And the fucking crying ¡­ I¡¯m so done with all this crying!¡± I yell at him. ¡°Listen to me.¡± He pulls me into hisp on the floor, and cradles my face close to his, trying to calm down the freak-out I¡¯m in the middle of having. He battles with my hands, so I¡¯m not quite so viciously poised for attack and smooths his fingertips across my mouth, softly and slowly. He knows how to bring my focus to him. It slows down my crazy, my temper taking a moment to pause, drawn into his touch, despite the whirlwind inside of me, he¡¯s grounding me as effortlessly as he always does. Breathe, Emma, get control. Watch those endless eyes and take some calm from him. ¡°Take a breath slowly with me ¡­ Try to calm down. Breathe with me, bambino.¡± Jake moves so our noses are touching, and inhales slowly, those wicked fingers stroking my bottom lip tenderly, encouraging me to do it too. I follow his steady breathing in and out as those entrancing green eyes keep me locked in ce. Slow, even, steady deep breathing, and exhaling until I feel less psychotic. He¡¯s bringing some sense of control back to my body even if my emotions are still out of whack. ¡°You need to let this sink in, okay? If you really don¡¯t want to do this, Emma, there are other options. I wouldn¡¯t ever force this upon you.¡± The heartbreak in his face makes me feel physically sick and I think back to when he told me about asking Marissa to terminate her baby. I doubt he looked at her the same way as he does me at the idea of a termination, the look on his face has the same gut-wrenching effect on me as seeing him cry did. No, I couldn¡¯t do that to him ¡­ to us. I shake my head, catching the sweep of instant relief washing over him, removing any doubt as to whether he wants this or not. I wish I could feel the same way but at least I know part of me, somewhere inside, refuses to consider termination. I¡¯ve never been someone to have an opinion over pro-choice. I¡¯ve always believed everyone should have their own choice in life and follow a path that makes them happy in all things. ¡°I¡¯m not going to get rid of our baby, Jake. I wouldn¡¯t hurt you that way.¡± I sob as the words hit me. Our baby. It¡¯s like a p, saying the words without even thinking about them, somehow makes this more real. We¡¯re going to have a child together, our own little bundle of Jake and Emma mixed up together for eternity, a creation inside of me that we put there. Chapter 206 Chapter 206 I don¡¯t know how to feel. Fear and panic are consuming me, and I can¡¯t process anything beyond the next thirty seconds. I can barely breathe ¡­ again. Jake catches my hands and brings them to his chest, pulling me to look at him, slowing my erratic breathing as it matches his. I¡¯ve never had a full- blown panic attack before, but I know instinctively that¡¯s what this is. I let him bring me back from the verge again. ¡°We are in this together, I won¡¯t sit back and let you deal with all of this alone, bambino. I¡¯ll take care of you every step of the way. I¡¯ll be the guy who gets up and feeds the baby while you sleep, and I¡¯ll change the nappies and take care of mom the best I can. Trust me with this. Trust that I would never leave you to do this alone even if you decide you don¡¯t want me back.¡± He kisses me on the nose and my heart melts at the way he always grounds me; a thought creeps, and I instantly go cold. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°But this won¡¯t be your first child, Jake. Marissa will give birth before I do and ruin another thing in my life. Your time will be split ¡­ between us, between the children so you can¡¯t promise me anything.¡± Tears run down my cheeks and I pull away from him, anger rising again at the thought of him and her, that horrible stomach-churning vision of his mouth on hers, lingering to always make me ache physically. I slide away from him and cross my arms across my chest, ring at him, daring him to try toe near me because right now his touch is abhorrent and I¡¯m spring loaded for attack. Having that bitch in my head makes sure of it and this feeling, here, right now is as close to hate as I could ever feel for him. He watches intensely for a moment before sliding back against the tub, resting himself against it. He knows when to choose his battles, he¡¯s annoyingly good at reading me sometimes, and yet other times as brain dead an idiot as you could possibly get to what I¡¯m thinking. ¡°I need to say this, Emma. You can look at me like that the whole time if you want but I¡¯m still saying it.¡± He looks down at my abdomen between us and then back up at my face, his expression serious. I scowl at him more hatefully. ¡°Marissa may have got in there first, but it doesn¡¯t mean shit. Difference is, this one I want more than anything and hers, I never did ¡­ I guess that makes me an absolute shithead for saying it.¡± He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, flexing his shoulders, resting both palms on the back of his head. His expression is that of fatigue more than anything. ¡°You will always be my priority, despite having two kids, I already know which baby will hold my heart more.¡± He nces across at me, apologetically, as though he really does realize how horrible a person that might make him. ¡°You are a shithead.¡± I spit out, childishly, lowering my re to the floor, a new wave of tears hits hard. I can¡¯t begin to think about this now, or I¡¯ll just fall to bits. It¡¯s aplete mess, her, me, babies, Jake. How the hell did it evene to this horrible fucked-up situation? Jake ignores myment, and continues to watch me closely, keeping his distance while I flounder in emotional turmoil. I have no clue what to do with all the excessive energy coursing through me. ¡°Emma, when Marissa told me about the baby, I felt like jumping off the building or hopping on a flight to Australia and nevering back. I still feel sick every time I think about it, even after weeks of knowing it¡¯s happening. But this ¡­ US ¡­¡± He slides up onto his knees shimmying across the floor toward me, awkwardly, yet extremely appealing somehow. He leans down lifting my chin to look at him, he leans his forehead against mine. The urge tosh out and fight has once again dive bombed into my feet; fatigue and sadness wells up, drowning me instead. ¡°It feelspletely different with you. I want this. I want it more than I ever knew I wanted it.¡± He grins, that sweet little boy smile spreading across his face. ¡°The second I realized what the doc was telling us I felt this crazy joy building up inside of me, bambino, like straight from my toes and slowly up and over me. This is how it¡¯s supposed to feel when you find out you¡¯re going to be a father; desire to shout it out from the rooftops and instant love ¡­ I love you so much and I won¡¯t let you down.¡± He grazes his mouth against mine, but I only stiffen at the touch. Marissa is too close to the forefront of my mind right now for his touch. Everything he¡¯s saying has stoppedputing, I need space to think and fresh air. I need to get off this bathroom floor and eat. We need sustenance because I just threw it up and that can¡¯t be healthy. ¡°I can¡¯t process this right now.¡± I pull away from him, leaning out, telling him clearly to give me space. He sighs and moves back but doesn¡¯t go far. I think he¡¯s starting to realize the turmoil I¡¯m in over him touching me, thankfully, without me having to verbalize it. ¡°You¡¯re moving back in as of today.¡± Amand, and there¡¯s an edge to his tone I instantly don¡¯t like. I snap up to re at him. ¡°What the fuck? You don¡¯t even know if I¡¯m even willing to take you back and you¡¯re issuing orders to me?¡± I m my hands on the cold tile floor angrily shoving myself to stand. He knows how to ignite my fury button, I¡¯m instantly seething, my skin is prickling with rage at the nerve of him. I¡¯m already on my feet ready to march out but he catches my wrist andes up to tower above me. ¡°If you think I¡¯m going to let you stay anywhere but here when you¡¯re this fragile then you can forget it. This isn¡¯t just about you anymore. It¡¯s my baby too. You get no say in this.¡± He has his stubborn face stered on, a mild amount of aggression radiating from him, I know when a huge fight is about to erupt, and I have no energy for this. I lift my chin defiantly meeting the fire in his re with fire of my own. ¡°You will back the fuck off and let me decide what I¡¯m doing. Right now, you¡¯re thest person I want to be living with.¡± I snap, angered at the turn in this situation, and yank my arm free. He clenches his teeth and res over the top of me at something above my head, thoughts circling around his mind. We are standing feet apart, stubborn meeting stubborn. There¡¯s a change in his expression as he tries to figure out the best way to handle me, but I will not back down to him. He lost the right to cajole me the second he kissed that bitch; having a baby in this now only makes me more determined to stomp the shit out of thatmanding tone of his. His face softens unexpectedly, a gentle handing to stroke down my jawline and throat tenderly, his voice soothing. I p his hand away. I know he¡¯s changing tactic. Maniptive asshole. ¡°Look, I know I have no right. But you¡¯re still here after everything and that tells me that maybe I have more than a small chance of getting you back. That I have something to hope for. This isn¡¯t about trying to trap you here with me, Emma; it¡¯s about protecting who I love and there¡¯s two of you now. I need to be able to take care of you and not go out of my mind worrying when you¡¯re in Queens. I wouldn¡¯t be able to function knowing that I¡¯m not protecting you and caring for you in the way that you need me to.¡± When he puts it like that ¡­? My anger simmers, my emotions tug a little, the way he¡¯s looking at me is breaking down my defenses. His eyes drilling straight into my heart with a face that is annoyingly irresistible. My breathing calms and I try like crazy to ease the irrational mess in my head. He has no idea of the intoxicating effect he can have over me and despite wanting to fight him on this, I know I want him to take care of me. I don¡¯t want to be a strong capable mess back in Queens, who fights herself to get up and eat, or fights to get up to do something to distract herself from the pain. Being here with him and having him close to me has been far more bearable than thest week of my life, despite the gulf between us. ¡°One day at a time ¡­ I¡¯m not bringing my stuff back until I decide if I can live with you again. You¡¯ll just have to send Jefferson for clothes as I need them or crack out your credit card because I¡¯m not making any long-term ns to be here.¡± I stick my chin up defiantly and turn on my heel. I catch the slight smirk on his face out of the corner of my eye and storm through to the bedroom, yanking off his T-shirt, reaching for my clothes. I try to ignore the satisfaction he thinks he¡¯s feeling because he has not won this battle. I¡¯m in charge and I intend to make that clear. Jake has a lot of making up to do and I¡¯m not a girl who will let him stomp over her heart so easily and just get back in. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Jakees out after me and standszily against the door frame; one hand on the jam almost reaching the top effortlessly. His eyes trailing down my body, so I turn my back on him. ¡°I¡¯m obviously not sick or dying so there¡¯s no need to be bed bound. It¡¯s morning sickness so I need to get over it.¡± I grind my teeth. ¡°I need to eat seeing as I lost my lunch and I¡¯m starving.¡± I sound angrier than I am. My brain automatically trying to push all of this into a contained space, so I can take little bits out at a time to analyze, process, and get my head around. ¡°And you need clothes to eat?¡± He¡¯s watching me, a little amused at my obvious bad mood. His whole demeanor has dramatically rxed knowing I¡¯m staying. Asshole. ¡°Yes, because you¡¯re taking me out to eat. I want barbecue chicken wings and a side of fries, a huge tub of banoffee ice cream, and coffee donuts with caramel sauce.¡± I lift my face to him as though saying ¡°got a problem with that?¡± I¡¯m freakin hungry. ¡°You think you can handle a car ride and not throw up?¡± His gaze doesn¡¯t back down from my intimidating re. He¡¯s not even phased by my menu request. ¡°We¡¯re walking. I need the air and the exercise,¡± I snap out and wait for his protest. He shifts uneasily, his desire to argue with me crossing his beautiful brow before he thinks better of it. I will not back down on this. I know what I need right now and it¡¯s notzing in bed swanning about like some weak sick person. Maybe he¡¯s finally remembering that he should be groveling right now and not making demands. ¡°Fine.¡± He pushes off the door frame and turns to his wardrobe, opening a door, yanking out a shirt. ¡°We walk there but we drive back. Jefferson cane get uster.¡± We¡¯ll see! Chapter 207 Chapter 207 We sit across from each other in the busy little barbecue bistro, the used tesid between us, and I feel a hundred times better if not a little too stuffed. I sort of regret the pie and donuts, but I had a point to make to him and I was in no backing down mood. The walk here, the food, and the time to silently ponder it all, has brought me down to a more even level of insanity. He¡¯s kept his distance, not touched me, or talked, but let me think, until I had some sense of calm; outwardly at least. The food has almost annihted my thoughts of anything else. My hunger was so ravenous, that I focusedpletely on demolishing the food he bought me, trying to ignore the surprising yet affectionate expression he had while watching me eat. He hasn¡¯t dared to touch anything on the tes I requested but has stuck to his own as though he knows that in doing so, I¡¯ll most likely turn feral. This hunger is rather worrying. I hope it doesn¡¯t stay this way for the next eight months! This ce is one of my favorites for take-out. Being surrounded by normal people doing normal things is easing the chaos in my head. If I can pretend that things are not as bad as they seem, I can act like none of it is happening to me right now. ¡°You look better.¡± Jake cuts into my train of thought, and I nce up at him. He¡¯s lounging in the wooden seat, watching me, while folding a napkin into a tiny square. The fidgeting tell-tale sign that he¡¯s not asid back andfortable as he appears but is mulling over the emotional turmoil in his own head. ¡°I just needed to let everything sink in. It¡¯s been a lot to deal with thest few days. To be honest, I have no way of coping with it all at once.¡± I push away my te, now full and no longer wanting the smell wafting up at me. It¡¯s no wonder that I¡¯m having some sort of mid-life breakdown with all of this. I¡¯m the girl who used to shun all emotions, locking them away, so they can¡¯t touch her at all. I guess I¡¯ve never really learned how to handle my feelings from my younger life; yet Jake has forced a change in me over all of that. I was still ying catch up, even before all this mess hit me. ¡°Look, if you want to stay in Queens, I know I can¡¯t stop you. I¡¯m finding all this hard, Emma, not just because of the baby, because I really miss you. I don¡¯t want you anywhere but with me. I can¡¯t think straight when you¡¯re not around me.¡± He looks away and frowns across the caf¨¦ and my heart constricts a little at the sad expression on his face. He¡¯s obviously been thinking about how unreasonable his request was, given our current circumstances, mulling over his actions long after his crazy impulsive brain kicked the idea out there, typical of Jake. I can¡¯t help the little warmth of love spreading out from the pit of my stomach as I watch the lost look in his expression. ¡°Jake, I want to move on and forgive you, I really do, but it¡¯s going to take time. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t miss you, I¡¯m just in so much pain, and this ¡­ today ¡­ well it just adds to the mess going on inside of my head. I¡¯m hardly singing from the rooftops about it am I?¡± I sigh, flicking at pieces of food on the table, attempting to not stare at his pensive face and cry. He makes me want to just erase it all and hold him. ¡°Do you really hate being pregnant that much?¡± The pain on his face makes me wince. He can¡¯t conceal that level of hurt, even in public. ¡°I don¡¯t hate it. I just don¡¯t know how to react. I have no idea how to be a mother or even deal with kids, it¡¯s not like I had a good example ¡­ When have you ever seen me near a child? Please don¡¯t say Sophie because she¡¯s almost an adult. I¡¯m scared; and this ¡­ It couldn¡¯t havee at a worse time than what¡¯s happening between us right now.¡± I sigh, rubbing my fingers into my scalp, twirling a strand of my hair. I look out the window at the far end of the bistro, closing my eyes, wishing I could go back to a week ago. ¡°I know ¡­ I¡¯m sorry baby. I¡¯m sorry for all of this but you must believe me when I say we¡¯re going to be okay. All this right now, it¡¯s a lot, but we can get through it together. If you let me in, just a little, let me help you get through this. I want all of this with you.¡± He leans forward, taking my hand in his, focusing on my eyes, bringing my gaze to him far too easily. Damn you and your persuasive pretty face. Why do you make me so stupidly weak? Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°Trusting me, forgiving me ¡­ It¡¯s not something you need to do right now to move on, Emma. That¡¯s something I¡¯ll earn over time when I prove to you that you can. I¡¯m just asking for a chance to do this right, for you to take a chance on us again. We were good together. We are good together and I won¡¯t lose you over a dumb mistake that I made impulsively. We can be happy, Emma, I know I can make you happy.¡± That intense serious face, the love in his eyes, I sigh at it all and feel a little less broken somehow. ¡°But a baby, Jake?¡± The word hits me in the gut every time I say it. I have no idea how I¡¯m ever going to get used to this. It¡¯s terrifying and a ck hole of confusion in my head right now. I need time to let it sink in. ¡°You¡¯re going to have to have a little faith that this is going to be amazing. You¡¯re a natural, Emma. I have no doubt that you¡¯ll know exactly how to be a mother when ites. I know you¡¯re more than capable and I¡¯ll be there every step of the way to help you.¡± He turns my hand in his and starts circling my palm with his fingertips. It would be almost mesmerizing if it weren¡¯t for the internal battle going on over whether I want his touch or not, I must admit that it soothes me. I still ache for it, yet it hurts when I see her. I can¡¯t keep confusing the boundaries this way. ¡°What about her?¡± I can¡¯t bear to say her name, it catches in my throat like a spiked apple, she isn¡¯t going away anytime soon, and neither is the bundle that she carries. ¡°What about her?¡± Jake asks, carelessly, pausing and looking at me a little too intensely. My heart is thundering with an achingly familiar pain and he looks deadly serious. ¡°Well ¡­ She probably thinks she has a chance with you, since you kissed her and she¡¯s already carrying your kid, she isn¡¯t going to like finding out about mine.¡± I yank my hand away, the inner wave of tears hitting hard. Either hormones are making me crazy or bouts of anger and pain at Jake are taking it in turns to show face when I least expect them. I have absolutely no control over this at all; one second, I adore his face and the next I want to throw my mug at it. He sighs, pulling over the tray with our check on it, sliding a note from his wallet, leaving it on the table. He¡¯s obviously dismissing my outburst and being patient, which may be wise. He knows he has no grounds for protest on my behavior in any of this. ¡°For all I care right now Marissa could emigrate to the moon. Come on feisty; I think you need a nap.¡± He smiles at me knowingly and it makes me more pissed. ¡°Don¡¯t patronize me. I¡¯m not tired!¡± I snap, as I mber out my chair, knocking away his offering hand. I have no control over the crazy up and down moods I seem to be harboring toward him. ¡°I¡¯m pregnant not a child!¡± I stalk past him in a haughty manner and yank open the door before he can get close. He¡¯s still pulling our coats up from the chairs, silently and calmly, and I can feel his eyes on me with every step I take. Catching up with me outside he drapes my coat over my shoulders, wordlessly, sliding his shades over my eyes, and I stop dead on my heels, an old forgotten Jake-ism, knocking the wind out of my sails a little. His constant tender care is enough to make my crazy anger simmer back down to a defeated hum. He¡¯s keeping a pace or two behind me. My insides are pricklier than a cactus right now and that bitch¡¯s face is beaming at me from inside my head. Chapter 208 Chapter 208 I try to ignore Jake¡¯s smug look when I saunter into the open-n living space, finally awake from my two-hour nap on his bed. I had a tantrum on the way home, making him walk with me while I refused to get in the car, while Jefferson drove alongside at the pace of a snail. It was utterly ridiculous, but I was adamant that Jake wouldn¡¯t tell me what to do and he walked alongside me with hands in pockets; daring not to argue. I¡¯ve woken up feeling a hundred times angrier and more emotional, whether it¡¯s dyed shock or my brain unraveling slowly I have no clue. I only know that I feel like breaking down and sobbing about everything and eating a lot of ice cream ¡­ with chips ¡­ and hot sauce ¡­ And maybe a bowl of pistachios too. I suddenly want food more than anything; again. Food and some damn mental rest. This ispletely exhausting, like I am going through some sort of grief that I can¡¯t understand. He¡¯s standing in the kitchen, with a very smiley Daniel Hunter sitting across from him at the breakfast bar, and it only makes me tense up. The causal way Jake is sitting his butt against the sink sipping coffee and Daniel¡¯s rxed posture on the stool facing him, looks so normal, so unaffected and ¡°everyday¡±. Assholes. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± I snort at Daniel with an expression of utter disgust. I know it¡¯spletely none of my business, this is Jake¡¯s apartment and Jake¡¯s friendship after all, and honestly, I can¡¯t imagine Jake inviting him here while things between us are an absolute hot mess. Plus, until Daniel grovels at Le¡¯s feet, he¡¯s no longer on my ¡®I almost like you¡¯ list. I¡¯m not entirely sure of when he got on that list it but he¡¯s certainly off it again now. I wander into the kitchen past Jake without meeting his smug look and yank open the fridge in search of food, ignoring the smirk or whatever cutesy look he¡¯s trying to give me. Piss off. Asshole. Know it all. Will this hunger ever calm the hell down? I swear I know what vampires must feel like now. ¡°Hi to you too, now is that the heartbroken Emma biting, or the hormonal one? I hear congrats are in order.¡± I spin and scowl at Daniel, then Jake; for even daring to let that idiot in on our personal matters. So, he told his bestie and now they¡¯re out here having some little womanly chat over fatherhood and broken-hearted girls! Dickheads. ¡°Both.¡± I turn back to the fridge, rummaging through the tubs and trays Nora has stocked it with, finding a tub of cold chicken sd and digging in with my fingers. My eyes still searching for something more satisfying ¡­ preferably something greasy. ¡°I love her just as much when she¡¯s being this adorable.¡± Jake smirks and I catch Daniel frowning. ¡°You¡¯re totally under the thumb dude. Your life is going to be a living hell if she gives you a girl, two to one and with that attitude, you¡¯ll have no chance.¡± I m the bowl down, my inner emotion hitting hard, a lump catching in my throat; irrational feelings bruised so bloody easily. ¡°I¡¯m sure Marissa will even up the odds by giving him a boy.¡± I snap, mming the refrigerator door before turning to walk off with tears in my eye. ¡°Hey¡­¡± Jake catches me mid-storm and pulls me into his arms, cradling me against his chest, smoothing a hand down the back of my neck. Bringing some calm to my outburst with his gentle touching rxed tone. I don¡¯t fight him, just sag against him, but I refuse to put my arms around him or my hands on him. I close my eyes pushing my face against his chest instead. Is this apromise on the touching thing? ¡°Nap didn¡¯t help huh?¡± He soothes me and my fire dies. I shake my head and press my face against him, turning my cheek, letting a little of my tears run free before trying to sniff them back. His hand travels down my back, and he slowly circles the base of my spine with light caressing, bringing some calm to my inner chaos and taut frayed emotions. I wish I could get a handle on things for five minutes. ¡°Chicks are cra¡ª¡± Daniel is frowning at me. ¡°You finish that, and I won¡¯t have to hurt you, Emma might snap your head off your neck, the way she¡¯s feeling,¡± Jake warns as he tightens his hold a little. He emanates a little irritation and I know it¡¯s aimed at Daniel; always protective even if it¡¯s just over my feelings. ¡°Guess I better get used to crazy women if I¡¯m going to go ahead with my n, right, Jake?¡± Daniel doesn¡¯t sound so smug anymore, his voice uneasy and a little nervous. I twist in Jake¡¯s arms to re at him suspiciously under furrowed brows. ¡°What n? What¡¯s he talking about?¡± I look up at Jake usingly, whatever Daniel is up to I know Jake will surely be involved. He doesn¡¯t look phased at all, just sips more coffee and gazes at Daniel for a moment. ¡°You going to tell her, or am I?¡± Jake smiles over the top of my head and then looks down at me when I don¡¯t hear Daniel respond. ¡°Danny has put himself into therapy ¡­ The goal is to not run screaming for the hills when he convinces Le to give him another shot.¡± ¡°Hey,¡± I say to Sarah when she answers the phone. Her sweet hello makes me smile. I am missing her like crazy, even though it¡¯s only been two weeks since Jake brought me here. I¡¯ve been hiding, mulling things over, trying to get my head around everything that is my life, before reaching out to her or anyone else. I swore Jake to secrecy about the baby until I could let it sink in and see how things went between us. I need time and he¡¯s giving it to me. ¡°Hey you. How¡¯s it all going? I didn¡¯t want to call after your text in case you two needed some time alone.¡± She responds with a gentle tone, the one she uses when she thinks I¡¯m fragile. Oh, are you about to find out how fragile I am.? ¡°I¡¯m getting there. It¡¯s been a bit up and down. I¡¯m still taking crazy angry turns at Jake, but I have to admit he¡¯s been the model of absolute patience.¡± I sigh, and think back over thest couple of weeks, cringing. Jake has been understanding. He¡¯s keeping his distance unless I initiate touch which is rare, still no kissing, and no sex. He¡¯s enduring my cyclone of moods like a champ. I can¡¯t fault him at all. Jake has been everything he promised; patient, understanding, calm, non-demanding and gentle, sometimes a little too gentle. He is letting me behave appallingly towards him; not yelling back when I need to shout at him, not reacting when I p his hands away, or when I avoided his touch, and surprising me with take-out whenever he has to go out. He brings me everything I crave, at any hour, night, or day, even when he has to drive thirty minutes to go fetch it. He moved to another bedroom for the first two nights of me being here, until I woke from another night terror and crawled in beside him, sobbing my heart out. After that he refuses to sleep apart again so on that front I relented. Sleeping apart was miserable anyway, not only because of the dreams but because I missed having him nearby even when I wanted to throw things at him. Even in bed though, he¡¯s kept his distance for the most part. ¡°He should be, seeing as he¡¯s the one who did this to you.¡± She soothes. Oh, the irony. ¡°Sarah ¡­ talking of things Jake¡¯s done to me¡­¡± I break off and inhale slowly. I still haven¡¯t got my head around this little detail, petrified by the idea, still not sure if I¡¯ve absorbed it at all. ¡°Please tell me he hasn¡¯t done anything else that stupid?¡± Sarah gasps, suddenly in ferocious mode, her tone almost a growl. I can picture that sweet face twisting in rage and over protectiveness. Well actually¡­ ¡°I¡¯m pregnant,¡± I blurt it out, breathing out so ites out like a whoosh noise. I figure using the whole ripping off a Band-Aid method is probably best; say it quickly and it won¡¯t be as bad. ¡°Say again?¡± Sarah halts with a sharp intake of breath. ¡°I¡¯m going to have Jake¡¯s baby.¡± Another quick whoosh of breath in a zombie-like monotone. God, even the way I say it sounds like I¡¯m inplete disbelief, trying the words out for the first time after two weeks of mulling this over. There¡¯s an eerie silence for a moment and I¡¯m not sure if Sarah¡¯s there anymore; maybe she¡¯s passed out, but I didn¡¯t hear a thud. The inner swirl of fear I¡¯ve been harboring for thest two weeks rises, getting ready to spill over. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°You know ¡­ ordinarily, anyone else saying this to me, especially with all you two have going on would make me feel a bit¡­well, upset. But I have this weird sense of happiness right now that I really can¡¯t exin.¡± the slow swell of joy in her tone as she lets my news sink in. She sounds almost as confused at her reaction as I have been the past weeks here. ¡°You¡¯re happy?¡± I question tly, not sure of what response I wanted from her. Now I¡¯m confused, and suddenly a little irritated. Sarah was always the word of reason and wisdom. Now she¡¯s being a Jake. ¡°I think you need this, Ems.¡± She encourages, softly, with a gentle tone. I am beyond stupefied right now. ¡°I need an unnned pregnancy?¡± I repeat like apletely brainless dimwit who can¡¯t absorb anything she¡¯s saying, an edgy tone to my voice. I am trying to figure out how her brain works. ¡°No. I mean I used to think you needed someone like Jake to bring out the inner you, but now I think, this here, this is what¡¯s going to bridge thatst gap. Motherhood Emma. I think you need motherhood.¡± She sounds sure, enlightened, as though she¡¯s just had the most amazing epiphany. I don¡¯t think so! I have no words; my brain is whirring and whizzing at my friend¡¯s idiotic logic. ¡°We¡¯re not in the neen fifties. I won¡¯t have a fulfilling life if I just get married and pop out babies,¡± I snap a little too aggressively, trying to reel in the anger I¡¯ve been going through a lottely; annoyed at myself for getting snippy with her. But really, she has the most idiotic logic ever, it wouldn¡¯t surprise me if in her next breath, she tries to marry me off to him! ¡°No that¡¯s not what I mean, look, stop getting upset. I just mean that part of you, maybe, needs unconditional love and the nurturing maternal stuff thates with being a mom. That with Jake and a baby you¡¯ll maybe find that ce you¡¯ve been looking for. What he can¡¯t give you himself he can give you by making you a mother.¡± She leaves me dumbfounded, so sure of her crazy ideology. I run a hand over my face in agitation and rub at my closed eyes. Sarah has really lost her mind. ¡°I have no idea what you¡¯re on but send some my way. I could do with that kind of special this morning,¡± I snap grumpily, hostility in full flow, only she giggles at the other end. ¡°Oh, my God, poor Jake. Emma, really? In less than five minutes I can only imagine the crazy mess he¡¯s dealing with. All those versions of you colliding dramatically with hormonal imbnce thrown in and you¡¯ve probably no idea how to handle it at all. No wonder you¡¯re being so pissy.¡± Her tone seems to quell my anger and despite myself I smile. Sarah, of all people, knows me well and she¡¯s right. Chapter 209 Chapter 209 My life has been turned on its head and every version of who I was or am has me so upside down and back to front, I¡¯ve no idea who I am anymore. All I know is graceful, cold, PA Emma, would never be in the crazy mess I¡¯m in now. I haven¡¯t worn any of her clothes in weeks, let alone those stilettos, which I¡¯ve kept with me almost like a protective talisman. I wear ts now ¡­ ts! Girly clothes, cute jumpers, and goddamn summer dresses in romantic fabrics. Hell must have frozen over surely. ¡°I¡¯ve been a nightmare, Sarah. It¡¯s a wonder he¡¯s still here.¡± I cast my mind back to the tearful sobbing, angry shouting and smashing tes of crazy Emma who has been upying the apartment with him. The woman who woke from a nap on the couch to find Jake had set up the bathroom with candles, music, rose petals and a gorgeous bubble bath for me, and told him I hated him before breaking down in sobs. I am a mess. Jake is in pain too, but I¡¯m selfishly stomping all over him, ignoring what he¡¯s feeling, marking it as invalid because he hurt me and ruined things, because he took my trust and ripped it up into tiny shreds. The stuff with Marissa still ws at my brain every day. I¡¯ve spent thest two weeks knowing he¡¯s been avoiding her contact and it only adds to the build up inside me; that somehow the moment he sees her will make me break. It¡¯spletely unhealthy, hanging over me like some doom and gloom cloud of tension. It just intensifies my anger when it hits, and I know a time wille that I¡¯ll blow up at him, an outlet for all the crazy inside of me. ¡°Jake loves you and he¡¯s repenting for his sins. If he can¡¯t handle all you¡¯re throwing at him now babe, then he¡¯s not the man for you.¡± Sarahughs and jokes, but I know she¡¯s being serious. Jake is handling all I am throwing at him, bringing home my favorite foods when he goes out to meetings, pampering me with gifts and love notes to find whenever I open a drawer or use the bathroom. He leaves little surprises for me to find whenever he goes out. He¡¯s trying so hard to show me that I am loved and wanted yet all he¡¯s getting in return is an unhinged emotional psychopath who asionally shows hints of the girl he loves. I need to stop pushing him away and acting so hostile or it¡¯ll be me chasing Jake to win him back. But I can¡¯t help it. Something in me in thest two weeks has grown overly uncontroble with an emotion bubbling inside of me that I can¡¯t pick out, an aching cavern of emptiness that I have no way of dealing with or know how to deal with. ¡°I think he might get sick of how I¡¯m being,¡± I verbalize my inner doubt, without thinking. Shivering at the thought. ¡°No, he won¡¯t, Emma. You¡¯re pregnant and you¡¯re grieving over what he did. I¡¯m sure even Jake has the intelligence to see that and he¡¯s sure as hell got the sense to let you do it. Are you back? I mean, are you ¡­ intimate again?¡± Her question surprises me but with Sarah, she does like the juicy details. ¡°I let him touch me; asionally. We share a bed and sometimes he reaches for me in his sleep but, no, other than that we don¡¯t go near each other. I can¡¯t let him kiss me, or get too touchy-feely just yet, and definitely no sex.¡± I can¡¯t even begin to exin the sense of heartbreak I get whenever I even contemte kissing him. She¡¯s always there in my mind, pushed up against him. It¡¯s all bound up with my trust in him and my inner need to inflict a sort of punishment on him. I can¡¯t even dissect it myself and I haven¡¯t let him try in weeks. I¡¯ve been too scared to let him if I¡¯m being honest because that bitch being in my head causes so much pain. ¡°It¡¯s normal, Ems. He betrayed you, all that stuff isn¡¯t owed to him ¡­ it¡¯s earned. He needs to earn back the trust needed to let him go there again. Ipletely understand.¡± She sighs. I¡¯m d she does as I have no idea. I catch the noise of Jakeing into the apartment and the shuffle of bags as he strolls in, him and Mathewsughing over something. He sounds happy and it tugs at my heart, lightening my mood, the voice andugh that has so much power over me. I miss thatughtely; it hasn¡¯t been around much. He had an early meeting at his father¡¯s building and was gone for hours. There¡¯s a rise in my stomach, the lightening of the heavy pit, the urge to go to him overwhelms me. At least there¡¯s a part of me that still wants him just as much as I did before; and it reminds me every time he¡¯s been away. I miss him when he¡¯s not here; even if I am being aplete bitch to him when he is. ¡°Sarah, I need to go. I¡¯ll text youter okay. Jake¡¯s home.¡± I suddenly have an unyielding urge to see him. We say our goodbyes and as I hang up Jake sweeps past carrying a multitude of shopping bags with various brands and designer names emzoned across them. I sigh and hope he¡¯s not brought home another mountain of gifts like he didst time he was in the city. I don¡¯t want gifts and trinkets I just want my head to stop with all its confusing crap. He heads into the bedroom, with a smile my way, and I get that surge of disappointment that I¡¯ve been getting a lottely. Sometimes I miss the forceful Jake who says, Fuck this shit, and pushes me to a wall kissing the hell out of me. I miss him in that way and part of me wonders how I would react if he did just that; if he took away my choice to try kissing him and just did it. If he took away my choice and just forced physical contact again. Would I push him away? You chose to keep him at a distance until you can handle this Marissa shit! I stare down at my phone to distract my own thoughts, contemting calling Le, swiping to her face among my contacts, and telling her, when I¡¯m suddenly hoisted up in mid-air off the couch with a squeal. Jake doing his best bride to be hold, nts a kiss on my cheek with the most gorgeous smile I¡¯ve ever seen. I melt a little inside and can¡¯t help but smile back at this forbidden contact. My inner stomach fluttering crazily and a tiny sparkle of something else; something warm and tingly. ¡°Did you miss me? I missed you.¡± He¡¯s obviously in a very good mood; this spontaneous grabbing has beencking ofte. Severelycking. ¡°Maybe.¡± I reply softly looking away shyly. It feels weird to be nose to nose again. It feels like an age has passed since we were this close while awake. I¡¯m suddenly nervous, and awkward, like I used to be before I knew he loved me. ¡°Ie bearing gifts.¡± He grins, trying to tilt his head around to get me to look at him. His cuteness has me shaking my head and giving in to his intoxicating mood. ¡°Stop spending money on gifts. I told you I don¡¯t need them,¡± I huff lightly. But the inner swell of joy I¡¯m getting from being in his arms is nudging away the anger, so I don¡¯t sound mad at all. I sound like the old me. ¡°Technically, they¡¯re not for you, bambino.¡± He winks cheekily and nts another kiss on me, this time on the corner of my mouth, his eyes focusing a little too long on my lips. I can feel myself urging him to just do it. I can¡¯t think straight as I take in those perfectly chiseled kissable lips so close to me. I clear my throat and bring my attention back to his eyes. Oh, those eyes. ¡°Who are they for?¡± I sound childish and he only smiles harder, a look of adoration very evident on his face. He¡¯s chipping away at me, melting some of my ice with his current behavior and mood. ¡°I¡¯ll show you.¡± He turns and carries me to the bedroom gentlyying me on the bed beside the bags. Yet as he does, I instantly return to cold and upset, that inner swell of warmth dissipating fast, my mood trickling away, and I realize what it is almost instantly; a rity or epiphany like a lightning bolt out of the darkness. I miss Jake¡¯s affection! His touch, his caresses, his hugs. I miss us! That¡¯s what this constant anger is. I miss him touching me, freely and without permission and without needing to ask for it. I miss the spontaneous, arrogant, ¡®I can touch you because you¡¯re mine¡¯ Jake. I miss being picked up, hauled around, and grabbed. I miss the way he would kiss me a million times a day just because he had to, and I miss that body molded to mine making me feelplete. I miss that I belonged to him and he never looked for my permission in possessing me. I owned him, and he owned me and neither ever needed any urging to take what we needed from one another. This space between us is what¡¯s killing me, knocking me off kilter, because Jake is the one who always grounded me. Always brought my sanity back with his affectionate, touchy, ¡®hands on Carrero¡¯ approach. And he isn¡¯t giving it to me anymore. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. I watch as he lifts a corner of a bag and ungraciously dumps stuff all over the bed, while I try to get a handle on my thoughts and the realization I¡¯vee to and what to do about it. A sudden catch in my throat almost chokes me as a bundle of tiny white baby clothes unfurls before me, shocking me with the unexpectedness of it,pletely tearing my thoughts from anything else. ¡°Jake ¡­ You shouldn¡¯t, it¡¯s too soon.¡± I blurt out in hushed tones. My hands betray me as they go to automatically pick up a tiny white Babygro in soft velvet fabric. I¡¯m picking it up to hold against my abdomen without even realizing what I¡¯m doing. It¡¯s so tiny and fragile, so real and symbolic. A surge of something wells up inside of me and the urge to cry overwhelms me. It¡¯s precious and small making me think of the little life growing inside me with every breath I take. My heart catches in my throat. ¡°I ¡­ kinda got a bit carried away.¡± He tips up another two bags, pouring out a bundle of blue, a bundle of pink and one of lemon, then one fluffy giraffe sitting proud among them with a goofy grin on its adorable face. It strangely reminds me of Jake, but I can¡¯t fathom why. Chapter 210 Chapter 210 For the first time in weeks I get a stupid spontaneous smile spreading across my face and I stare at him in apletely new light. It¡¯s as though I¡¯ve just woken up, and blinking in sunlight, I gaze at him as he comes into focus. He looks happy, idling through the stuff on the bed, his green eyes almost luminescent. I¡¯ve never seen him as gorgeous as he is right at this very moment, beaming over his baby¡¯s things looking every bit irresistible to me. I couldn¡¯t fill my heart with any more love than this moment right here. Everything that has happened, everything we¡¯ve done to one another, yet this little moment here seems to wipe it all out. Just looking at him like this, knowing I¡¯ve been falling apart without his touch, has me aching. I want him, and I need him so badly, this is making me crazy. ¡°Kiss me,¡± I say it so directly and spontaneously that I even take myself by surprise. His eyes snap to mine and he seems to take a moment to realize what I¡¯ve asked. A sh of something in his eyes, hesitation, and something else ¡­ apprehension. The tension rises in my stomach with every dyed second. We seem to stay motionless, looking at one another, while I wait for some sort of verbal response, every moment bing agony as the pit of self-doubt grows inside of me. It¡¯s almost like he no longer wants to kiss me. Shit ¡­ I¡¯m losing him. Crazy Emma pushed him too far away. Stupid Emma, you''ve been pushing him away for weeks despite everything he has been doing to show you he loves you. Jake sweeps forward, pinning me to the cushions, his mouth meeting mine in almost a flicker of a second. I don¡¯t see the reactioning so I¡¯m bowled backward and before I really know what¡¯s happening our mouths are locked and his hands are cradling my face. That soft warm mouth, the feelings it rips up to the surface consume me, gently molding our movements in perfect unison. His mouth was always made to kiss mine. My toes tingle right up to my pelvis and my heart aches for him. He literally kisses the breath right out of me, moving on top of me on the bed so he can lie over me yet holding his weight up. He slides his tongue gently into my mouth, a soft yet firm motion, as we get used to one another once again. I get lost in the feel of him and what he¡¯s doing to me. It feels like he hasn¡¯t kissed me in an eternity and it physically pains me. This is so right it makes me want to cry. He tastes like I remember, smells, and feels like my dreams, and with every second of this unity a part of me starts healing. I groan almost instantly, a thousand butterflies fluttering up inside my stomach, warmth spreading through my veins. My fingers find their way up around his neck and across those muscr shoulders, his hair, and his jaw. I¡¯m roaming, devouring what I¡¯ve beencking for so long. I wait for the vision of her to break in, wrenching us apart, but I¡¯m too absorbed in the sensations and over whelming tug of desire building up inside of me to let her in. I push myself into him firmly, intensifying the passion of the kiss, letting our tongues caress, breathing hard and heavy. His touch is intoxicating, driving my body into a frenzy now that his mouth is locked with mine. Hormones kick in and I lose control, arms sliding around his neck fully, I yank him down on top of me; forcefully. I want to wrap every inch of him around me, within me, devour him with a need so overwhelming, like I¡¯m going to self-implode. All those pent-up desires unleashed; hormones and heartbreak; anger and lust; I¡¯ve been denied, love starved for agonizing weeks; and theye crashing down with a passion that has me yanking his tie off, ripping open his shirt buttons aggressively like a crazed wild cat. Jake pulls away, a handing to my wrist, stopping the snaking motion of my nails running down his exposed torso. ¡°Emma, slow down,¡± he pants, trying to untangle me, but I only dive back in sucking his lower lip into my mouth and biting him; deprived for too long and turning feral with need. My inner body is combusting with fiery heat and my lower body is aching with a hunger so intense I want to scream. He automatically releases my wrist and moves down over my breast through the sheer satin of my dress; soaring heat from the sensitivity of it. He moves back into this, losing himself in the lust for a moment, deepening the kiss, his hardness against my pelvis. He wants me just as much as I want him but then with now warning he pulls away fast, lifting his hands up in defense. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°Okay this stops.¡± He kneels back and lifts me up under the arms, pulling me into a sitting position, before releasing me, standing back on the floor, expression wild and heaving in air. ¡°I¡¯m trying so hard to be good, Emma ¡­ I can¡¯t if you keep doing that.¡± He takes several deep breaths trying to calm his body down. He¡¯spletely irresistible like this, standing there with an open shirt and raging hormones cloud any rational thought. His muscles and tanned skin are on show, ruffled hair, kiss swollen lips and lust fueled hazy eyes trying to control his own emotions. ¡°Maybe I don¡¯t want good Jake, maybe I want normal Jake.¡± I pout angrily. My inner core almost twisting itself into a frenzy of horniness just looking at him. I want authoritative, no-nonsense Casanova Jake. I need him. I need this, I need sex. I¡¯m so crazy for him right now. ¡°Emma, please. I told you I won¡¯t touch you or do anything until you¡¯re ready.¡± His tense body turns me on, and I bite my lip, fixated on his muscles moving under the form fitting shirt, exposed toned abdomen and tailored pants. A sex crazed hazeing over me, fiercely. Throwing all thoughts except sex out the window I stand up and yank his shirt out at the waist. I slide my hands under the hem of the smooth fabric and up the sculptured muscles across his abdomen; reveling in the feel of the body I missed so much. I bite my lip and focus my all on the body in front of me; a body built to make women gopletely weak at the knees and their panties selfbust. He groans and slumps toward me, slightly, tensing at my touch, making me feel empowered. ¡°You know how much restraint I¡¯m exercising right now?¡± His low husky voice and shallow breathing confirm it. I can feel the energy pulsing from him, making me feel desirable, knowing he¡¯s fighting the lust driving through him; knowing I could break his will with a mere touch. Knowing I have this much control over him only drives my need to have him joined to me even more. I reach up on tiptoes and kiss his neck, nibble, and lick the skin I have been denied, as he stiffens in response. The tension is oozing from him, yet he doesn¡¯t move out of my grasp or move to touch me. My hand slowly traces the soft hard muscles down his chest, across his sculpted stomach, around past his hips and finally over his ass. Every stroke making the burning ache inside of me notch up until I¡¯m almost melting from within for him. I reach down grabbing his hand, not satisfied with his self-control, pulling him into me, almost groaning at the look in his eyes as wee nose to nose. He may not be initiating anything, but he certainly isn¡¯t stopping me from doing it. He¡¯s just as weak as I am and no matter how much will power, he¡¯s trying to dredge up, it¡¯s failing him. Jake has many levels of lust, I¡¯ve seen them all, from flirty starts toplete lust driven sex and right now this look crowns them all. His pupils almost take over the green of his eyes, his face set in complete longing, and his mouth ready to kiss. I maneuver his hand under my dress, to my waitingce underwear, and let go of him as it touches the flimsy fabric. I bite my lip and use his wrist to turn his hand to cup me fully and groan as the mere touch ignites sensations that can consume me. We both groan at the contact as his hand flexes slightly and he fully connects to me, neither of us looks away, eyes intensely locked. ¡°Emma. Don¡¯t,¡± he whispers so softly it almost makes me break. I shake my head and lean up, brushing my lips across his, and he bends down further to amodate me, kissing me softly and enjoying me. He is savoring me while his hand stays between my thighs, gently cupping my heat, making me throb with the mere touch. His thumb travels slowly to the front of me, hitting the exact spot I need him to be at and gently moves slightly, a sign of his weakening resolve. God, I missed the way he kisses; so badly. I missed how he felt down there, how his touch could rip me apart so easily. I glimpse the shadow of her inside my head moving into view and I push it away. I won¡¯t let her keep taking him from me. I need him too much. I¡¯m not ready topletely forgive and forget but I want so desperately to start moving on; to stop the overemotional angst of thest couple of weeks. He¡¯s mine, she can¡¯t have him, and she has absolutely no chance of getting near him if I have any say. He pulls back suddenly, face a picture of confusion and agony, and rests his forehead against mine, sighing heavily. He removes his hand, much to myplete disappointment, and runs fingertips across my lips; his eyes filled with conflicting thoughts and regret. ¡°Who¡¯s the over thinker now?¡± I smirk, the tension still sparking between us. He smiles softly and runs fingers from his other hand lightly across my abdomen before looking back up at me; a sliver of emotion flickering through my stomach at where his mind is right now. It quells mybustion a little. ¡°I want you ¡­ Badly. I just can¡¯t ¡­ Not this way. You¡¯re not yourself right now baby. It wouldn¡¯t be right.¡± He kisses me on the temple and then pulls me with him to the bed and sits me down like a child. His whole manner has returned to the gentle Jake ofst few weeks and the soft caring mellow mood he¡¯s been in. I¡¯m not ready to back down yet. I know him too well. He¡¯s trying to be the good guy, probably worried that I¡¯m too fragile; or that he¡¯ll hurt the baby; or that I¡¯m doing this because I¡¯m crazy horny with hormones; or that it¡¯s going to mess us up even more. Maybe I am. Maybe it will. I¡¯m so confused about so many things, but not this, I know what I need. I need assertive, confident, lover, Jake who dominates me. He¡¯s the missing piece of this puzzle. The anger and frustration that snaps out of me is a direct result of missing him so badly that I can¡¯t function. I need the intimacy back, above everything else, the kissing, touching and yes even the sex to feel whole again. I need to be owned by him fully to truly feel like I can move on again. Chapter 211 Chapter 211 I watch him resist, but he wants me, it¡¯s singing out from every pore of his body. I know he has very little will when ites to me. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck as he leans in to go for another soft kiss, catching him by surprise and he tumbles on top off me gloriously. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake, Emma!¡± He snaps in sparking anger rolling off me onto the bed with a furious re and jumps up onto his feet like a panther. ¡°I could¡¯ve hurt you or the baby.¡± His lust reced with sheer annoyance. I instantly bristle and scowl at him; spurned on by his overreaction and the rejection to what I really need. ¡°Is this what I have to endure for eight months? Being treated like fine china and pandered to? Regardless of my behavior?!¡± I snap, frustration turning me into that crazy monster he once denied an orgasm to in his mother¡¯s gardens, my good old trusty anger bouncing up out of nowhere to devour me again. ¡°Yes!¡± His retort is nowhere near as anger fueled, but it still pisses me off majorly. ¡°No fucking way.¡± I haul myself off the bed and start mming through cupboards looking for clothes. I have some here that Jefferson collected, and the new things Jake ordered for me. Rage is coursing through me that he would deny me this, that he of all people, would be annoyed at ME about this. ¡°What are you doing?¡± He follows me and tries to haul me back with a hand on my upper arm, but I shove him off aggressively. ¡°I¡¯ll leave you and go back to Queens if you¡¯re going to start being like this.¡± I huff and stamp around, knowing I¡¯m being crazy and irrational. Jake¡¯s just trying to be the good guy and I¡¯m acting like the bitch that I have been for weeks; acting this way because he doesn¡¯t bloody well touch me anymore. Your choice, Emma! ¡°You don¡¯t want me to take care of you?¡± He croaks, dumbfounded and more than a little hurt. I nce up and catch the expression on his face, his little lost boy look, and it physically hurts me; a sharp pain in my stomach fueling my temper tantrum. ¡°I want you to rip my goddamn dress off and remind me of the guy I fell crazily in love with! The one who didn¡¯t take no for an answer or me pushing him away as a hindrance!¡± I snap and turn on him with tears in my eyes. ¡°I miss you ¡­ The real you, not this over gentle and walking on eggshells keeping his distance you; I miss us, Jake and it¡¯s torturing me.¡± ¡°It¡¯s what you asked for, Emma, and it¡¯s what you need. You think rushing back into sex is going to fix how you feel? Well, it¡¯s not and I don¡¯t want it that way.¡± He runs a hand through his hair inplete frustration and starts pacing around the side of the bed to avoid being too close to me. He¡¯s agitated and angry and something else; hopeless. He¡¯s out of his depth with this, just as I am, neither of us knowing what we should be doing to fix this. ¡°I¡¯ve spent thest two weeks so confused with what I need from you and holding you at arms-length, but it isn¡¯t working. You know why? Because you¡¯re not being you either. I need you; not this half-assed version of you! I need the Jake who came after me in Chicago; who pushed me into a hotel wall and kissed me; the Jake who stormed across a dance floor to find me. I need him toe get me because I¡¯m so damned lost right now.¡± I cry, a sudden wave of emotion hitting like a ton of bricks as tears spill down my cheeks. That wave of heartbreak overtaking me as everything I¡¯ve been holding back, deep inside, works its way free. ¡°You need time, Emma. I¡¯m not going to risk losing you by rushing things and pushing you further from me. I would die without you.¡± He implores me pleadingly. Stopping his frantic walking andes close to me, his hands pausing on my face, brushing away my hair and tears. ¡°How can you know what I need when I don¡¯t even know what I need?¡± I almost wail at him, emotions soaring, as I wave my hands around angrily between us. ¡°Because I know you, like it or not, and sometimes I know what you need more than you do, yet you¡¯re too damn stubborn to trust me on it!¡± He barks back then frowns, instantly remorseful for losing his temper. ¡°No! You¡¯re just arrogant; always thinking you know what I need, but most of the time you don¡¯t have a fucking clue about what I really need or want.¡± I rant, storming and pacing, every ounce of me burning with heated fire. I¡¯m angry at him and at myself for God knows what; an all-consuming fury that needs to be released. These past few weeks I haven¡¯t let all this pour out, not this way anyway. All my outbursts and tantrums have been aimed at other issues and lots of misdirection from the real topics, doing what I always did, avoiding the painful roots, letting them fester inside. ¡°You never tell me what you need, or what you really feel, Emma, so I¡¯ve had to learn to second guess you. You¡¯re always so damn scared of truly letting it all out! Tell me what you need ¡­ Say it to me and fuck the consequences ¡­ Scream it at me if you have to, because right now I need to hear it. Hear once and for all that you fucking love me enough to let me see every fucking thing that goes on in your head!¡± he yells at me, losing his cool , fueled by my temper and I snap. Enraged that he would even yell at me like this; uncontrolled anger at one another that brings back the memory of him walking out on me that night. My mind just spews out via mu mouth hysterically. ¡°I need you to have not done what you did!¡± I wail out loud, my voice fracturing, the harshness of my temper breaking free. ¡°I need her to not be pregnant with your baby because I hate them both, and I don¡¯t care if you¡¯re disgusted at me for it. I want us to be normal, for none of this to hurt this way because it all hurts so damn much, and I did not need an unnned pregnancy thrown in the mix to royally fuck my head up more than it already is. I don¡¯t even know how to feel about this baby other than I don¡¯t want to get rid of it and that has me crazy as hell ¡­ You want to know why I didn¡¯t want the house, Jake? Because I¡¯m scared, I¡¯m so goddamn fucking scared of all of this, because it¡¯s real and frightening. All I¡¯ve ever had in life to show me what rtionships are is a fucked-up, selfish bitch of a mother who let men abuse me, and a father who let himself get paid off to never fuckinge near me again after years of acting like I didn¡¯t exist! I don¡¯t believe that anyone can ever truly love me the way you say you do, or that you¡¯ll stay with me and protect me when no one else has, why would you? You alone have the power to destroy me and leave me broken without any effort on your part and giving myself over to you fully is utterly terrifying! What I do fucking need, Jake, is just one piece of frickin normal, for one day, to stop me going out of my freaking mind. I need the Jake Carrero, CEO, bossy, arrogant, cocky, shit, who liked to get me naked and screw me on top of fucking cars and desks, and any damned ce he pleased, because he liked to point out every fucking second of every day that I was his, and only his and he owned that shit without even trying! I need him because he¡¯s the one who found me once before and pulled me out of this shit with everything that he was ¡­ is ¡­ so¡­ YOU can you fuck off and go find him? Because he¡¯s the one who I need in this room with me, right now, not you! He¡¯s the one I love with every piece of my messed up soul; the one I would follow to the ends of the Earth, it¡¯s his baby in here and we both need no one else but him!¡± I explode at him, letting all the anger and rage and aching paine out in a rush of crazy sobs before I slump down onto the floor and start weeping violently, letting it all seep out. I feelpletely free with my rambling, uncensored, emotional, verbal outburst over. Like a weight has been lifted. The building heaviness and pain of the past few weeks has just exited the building, and all that¡¯s left is emotional exhaustion and a lot of light headedness. I don¡¯t even know if what I¡¯ve screamed, rather psychotically, at him made any sense. I just got lost in the outpouring of every single emotion that¡¯s been bubbling inside of me; rather manically. Jake¡¯s armse around me, slowly, and tightly and he lifts me up into him; cradling me as he slides us both onto the bed to sit entangled. His mouthing close to my cheek, his breath tickling my face, and his whole body ispletely still; calm beneath me despite seeing the woman he loves turn into some crazy, ranting, mental person. ¡°I never left you baby. I¡¯m still here but I¡¯m just so scared of losing you that I don¡¯t know how else to be right now. I¡¯m trying to give you time, and understanding Emma, trying to undo what I¡¯ve done and not make this worse for you.¡± He strokes back my hair as I whimper and cry, curled in hisp, hopelessly ovee with extreme fatigue; finding the strength inside of me to pull myself together and calm down the flood of pain to listen to the voice that seems to run through me with every word. I sigh and sag into him fully. ¡°I¡¯m scared ¡­ I love you so much and I know I¡¯m messing it all up despite trying so fucking hard. I need you, Emma, more than air, more than anything and I can¡¯t lose you. It would end me. I have no idea how to navigate this because I¡¯ve never been here before. I¡¯m just hoping that I know you well enough to try to guide you when you¡¯re struggling.¡± The painful break in his tone pushes me to look up to connect with two beautiful green eyes filled with moisture, studying me with the rawest pain I¡¯ve ever seen, mirroring my own. ¡°I want to let it all go. I just want to be us again.¡± I cry and push my face into the crook of his neck, feeding form the warmth of him around me, just drawing everything I can from him. I can¡¯t go back to not being held by him after this, it¡¯s healing me in ways that I so badly need, bringing me back to some sense of reality, grounding me in the way only he ever could, the way only his touch ever could. I don¡¯t want to go back to not having him around me. ¡°I want that too, I miss us. I miss this ¡­ Just being able to touch you and kiss you whenever I want to, just being able to be close to you again, this is everything; this is my reason for breathing, baby.¡± He rests his chin on top of my head and sighs heavily. ¡°I miss this too ¡­ I want this back Jake; give it back to me.¡± My tears have turned to silent droplets trickling down my face and he tightens his strong arms protectively; a silent promise to keep me safe and always take away my pain if he can. I love him so much. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°You can have this back, Emma, all of it. There is nothing in the world I want more, right now, than this. Just not sex, not yet trust me on this baby.¡± He lifts a hand running it across his face rubbing hard at the spot between his eyebrows. ¡°I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m even saying this ¡­ I won¡¯t touch you in that way until I know that you¡¯re ready for us to go there again. You¡¯ll know when, Emma, and you¡¯ll thank me for not doing this; as much as it¡¯s killing me. I need your forgiveness first and I need to forgive myself before we can ever go there. I need to ept what I did to you too, I need to be able to look in the mirror, not hating what I see staring back before I can allow myself to give you every part of me again.¡± He sighs and kisses me on the forehead, each touch and caress makes me curl into him more and more, trying to take from this what I need right now; more than anything I need Jake wrapped around me and loving me in the way only he can. Chapter 212 Chapter 212 ¡°We need to go out today, Emma.¡± Jake wakes me from my nap with a gentle kiss on the mouth. I¡¯m on the couch where I fell asleep with a book. Kissing has made a definitee back, although Jake never lets it move into full-on passion. I know it¡¯s because he doesn¡¯t want to escte things, but he has gone back to kissing me softly, tenderly, and sometimes a little erotically. I¡¯ve managed to gain control of the Demon Bitch appearing in my head, with the kissing at least; she doesn¡¯t pop in there as easily anymore. ¡°Where?¡± I stretch out and yawn. Thisst week I haven¡¯t felt like doing anything or going out at all; morning sickness and tiredness are currently ruling my life. I guess I¡¯m finally starting to ept the idea of a baby growing inside of me; appointments for doctors have been arranged for a week¡¯s time. I¡¯m not exactly jumping around with excitement, but at least I¡¯m not trying to ignore that this child exists anymore. I¡¯m slowlying to terms with it; whether that eptance has found happiness yet is another issue entirely, but I¡¯m no longer fretting every time I think about it. I¡¯ve beenzing around the rooms, watching movies, eating a lot, and reading; curled up with him or watching him workout at the gym while Ize on a lounger with a smoothie or a book. Jake has been working from home a lot more and generally letting me get away with extremeziness since that day in our bedroom. My anger is calming with his constant affections and I have found myself in more level moods, if still a little touchy at times. I¡¯m more in control and at peace with myself, sort of. Jake¡¯s touch and his intimacy are what I needed all along. We¡¯re still healing. I still need to fully forgive him and I¡¯m not sure of where I am with trusting him yet because we haven¡¯te to a point where it has been tested. Demon Bitch is still a situation he hasn¡¯t even begun to approach yet, still not facing the fact he needs to contact her regarding the child she¡¯s carrying, pushing that issue aside in favor of focusing on me. I have the impression he is not only avoiding her because of how it makes me feel but because of what he did. It¡¯s a mess in his own mind and it¡¯s obvious his guilt is right up there beside my heartbreak. ¡°The Hamptons.¡± He smiles, leaning down kissing me on the cheek, before helping me to my feet. He smooths down my dress and hauls my cardigan around me to button it up in a very paternal way. ¡°Why are we going there?¡± Izily watch his fingers at their task and ignore the urge to have them on my naked skin, the desire to be with him fully still aching inside of me. but I¡¯m trusting him; to know that sex wouldn¡¯t help how I am thinking or feeling. He asked me to give him a little faith in knowing what I need and so I am. ¡°First, we need to tell my family about this.¡± He smooths a hand down my t stomach affectionately, making me smile warmly. He¡¯s been waiting to see his mother face-to-face and had wanted things between us to be more stable before telling them. ¡°Secondly, I set up a house viewing.¡± He pauses warily, that flicker of doubt crossing his eyes and furrowing his brows as he waits for my reaction ¡­ Tenses for my reaction more like. I still at the subtle change in his demeanor and can¡¯t help but eye roll that only he could bring us back around full circle to the reason we¡¯d ever hurt one another in the first ce. ¡°A what?¡± I ogle him with narrowed eyes, but he only kisses me quickly, a fleeting look of apprehension and continues straightening out my appearance for me, acting like he¡¯s in full control and not nervous in the slightest. Hmmmm. I rub the tiredness from my eyes and try to get my foggy brain together. I¡¯m not sure if I even have any real reaction to this. ¡°We¡¯re going to look at a house ¡­ Our possible future home.¡± He at least has the grace to seem ufortable and straightens up to lock eyes with mine. ¡°You wantedmanding bossy asshole back? Here he is. Now if you want to tell me you still don¡¯t want it then fine, I won¡¯t be an asshole about it, but at least let me show you first.¡± The confidence doesn¡¯t quite reach his tone, but I just sigh and realize I¡¯m not even mad. I¡¯m not anything. No fear, no panic, no irritation. He is exactly who I wanted him to be and I should ept that a future with him involves a new house. ¡°Okay.¡± I run my fingers through my hair and try to fluff it out. ¡°Okay, you¡¯ll let me show you the house?¡± He queries, with a severe look of trepidation on his face. The cute youthfulness he sometimes gets when he¡¯s doubting himself makes him more adorable. ¡°Somewhere that has a garden and maybe less bachelor pad d¨¦cor might be nice.¡± I sigh, waving around the apartment. It¡¯s modern, sleek, and male, and even though I am happy here with Jake, most of the time, it¡¯s not exactly child friendly or homely and the city is never somewhere I¡¯ve loved living. It was just convenient for work, but I¡¯ve never bonded with it at all really. Jake¡¯s grin widens, and he throws a toe-curling kiss on me, taking my breath away, upping the level of hormones in my blood as he wraps his arms around my waist and thoroughly ravages my mouth. I¡¯m almost panting with horniness when he pulls away. As kisses go this is one of the pre-fucked up rtionship variety. He sits me back on my feet but stays close, nose to nose, as I try in vain to catch my breath and cool the heat creeping up over my skin. This no sex thing better not be something we need for much longer. ¡°We¡¯re driving, not flying, so it¡¯s going to be a long trip, bambino; pack some books. Nora is fixing you some snacks for the road.¡± He turns and walks off toward his office; a ce he¡¯s using frequently nowadays. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. ¡°Why driving? The flight is only an hour.¡± I watch his strong back and shoulders dip as he picks up his cell from the charging dock on the way past. I¡¯m a little too enamored with his butt right now and itsck of nakednesstely. ¡°You can¡¯t fly in the first trimester of pregnancy; it¡¯s too risky, bambino.¡± He throws me a smile and walks into the open door leaving me to watch him depart and shake my head. Jake the attentive daddy-to-be. Who knew? It makes me smile despite myself; this is a whole other side to the Carrero yboy I met long ago. I never in a million years imagined that the smooth Casanova with a sexy smile and hunky body would be the guy pampering me to insanity over his unborn child. I swear one of the books I¡¯ve seen him read lately is a pregnancy book. I stare after him nkly as my head swims with how different he¡¯s being with me over this,pared to Demon Bitch. He seems to want this a whole lot but never seemed to care with Marissa, about any of this, and never seemed to take any real interest in her pregnancy. I know he¡¯s kept in contact with thewyers since their kiss and she¡¯s fighting the DNA request; seems after getting her hopes up with a kiss she¡¯s now digging her ws in to make things difficult. He told the lawyers a few days ago, he won¡¯t be attending maternity sses with her as nned and doesn¡¯t intend to be at the birth. He said that he saw no need toplicate things further; not that he won¡¯t be attending those things with me anyway. I gaze down at my normal t stomach and sigh. We¡¯ll be needing those things soon enough and the idea doesn¡¯t appeal at all. You have a lot to answer for tadpole. Going to tell his family is nerve racking and neither of us know what the reaction is going to be, considering he already has another baby on the way with another woman. I haven¡¯t even contemted telling my mother. That¡¯s a whole other ball game I don¡¯t want to approach just yet; something in me knows she wouldn¡¯t exactly be a doting or happy grandmother either. * * * ¡°Ready?¡± Jake appears at the door, as I zip up my case, cing it beside his. He¡¯s already done his, finishing beforeing to get me off the couch. I¡¯m ying catch up under his watchful eye. ¡°Yup.¡± I smile and squeal as he scoops me up into his arms for a kiss and tells me he loves me. I have missed this kind of spontaneity from him; thest couple of days have been filled with never-ending touching and giggles. He¡¯s still being gentlemanly with where he ces his hands and it reminds me a little of the man he was before I was properly his, that boundary of what is appropriate touching but still hands on in every way. ¡°I love you too.¡± I breathe him in, before he puts me back on my feet, biting my lip in painful adoration as he bends and kisses my abdomen softly and mutters, ¡°I love you too¡± to my dress before hauling me with him to the living room. I can¡¯t stop the gush ofplete infatuationing over me at that little thoughtless moment, just instinctual, to tell his child he loves them. I know, instantly, he¡¯s going to be the kind of father I can only dream of. He directs Mathews to our bags and asks for the Mercedes keys. ¡°Mercedes? What about your bat-mobile?¡± I quiz; watching him take keys from one of the other men being handed my case by Mathews. ¡°It¡¯s a long trip, bambino, if you want to nap you can¡¯t in the P1. Its seats don¡¯t move, and it isn¡¯t built for long distance travel. You need to be able to stretch out and getfy, the Mercedes is that car, unless you want me to take one of the SUVs? They¡¯re bigger and spacious.¡± I gawp at him inplete jaw dropping awe. Where did I find him? What has he done with Jake Carrero super-hot yboy who dropped women by the wayside weekly? Here he is sacrificing driving his pride and joy so his girlfriend can take some pregnancy naps and befier. I couldn¡¯t love him more if I tried. ¡°I love you.¡± I say it with so much conviction he turns around and looks at me like I¡¯ve never said it before. A grin breaks over his face and he closes the gap between us, kissing me softly right in front of the waiting men; a wave of sheer emotion running through me, my stomach tingling with butterflies. I can¡¯t imagine a life in which Jake didn¡¯t kiss me anymore, it doesn¡¯t bear thinking about. That gorgeous face and masculine jawline, those teasing lips and the pearly white Hollywood smile that he always casually throws my way. He really has no idea how devastating he is to me. I am finally starting to leave the pain behind to make space to appreciate what he still is to me. I am never going to leave him, we will get through this, we have to; life without Jake doesn¡¯t bear thinking about ever again. ¡°Feelings mutual.¡± He smiles with his most seductive ¡®I¡¯m hot¡¯ twinkle, leading me by the hand to the waiting elevator. Chapter 213 Chapter 213 Two hourster I¡¯m regretting the road trip as we stop for the fiftieth time so I can get some air. The nausea seems to take over anytime we get on the road and I¡¯ve had to stop and throw up a few times already; seems my morning sickness likes to rear its head badly the second a vehicle is involved. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I grimace as the waves of nausea roll over me. He holds my hair away gently rubbing my back while I grip my bottle of water. I¡¯ve been sick a few times already and no longer embarrassed at Jake seeing it. I need him with me to hold me and hold back my hair. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°No, baby; I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t know it would make you sick like this, we should¡¯ve just asked Mamma fly to New York for a visit.¡± He helps me up from my perch in the grass and holds me tight against him, my body trembling at the effort of throwing up, not really relishing at the thought of getting back into the car. I feel like hell, as badly as the first few days of knowing I was pregnant. ¡°We¡¯re only an hour¡¯s drive away from Manhattan; we could head back?¡± Jake seems to read me, as he usually does, but I¡¯m adamant he gets to tell his mother face-to-face. I owe that to him at least. I know how much it¡¯ll mean to him to see her reaction first-hand. ¡°No ¡­ I¡¯ll take some of the anti-sick pills Nora gave me and try to sleep; that might help. I¡¯ll manage. I really want to go Jake.¡± I lean against his chest, closing my eyes, inhaling his smell enjoying the moment of calm before I get back in the car and let the nausea build again. I¡¯ve managed twenty minutes, maximum, before having to get him to stop again; secretly hoping for a lot longer before we need to do it again. ¡°I don¡¯t know, Emma. This was a bad idea; I¡¯ll take you home.¡± He sounds dubious and concern is etched all over his handsome face. ¡°No, really, I can¡¯t stay locked up in the apartment for the next few months or I¡¯ll go stir crazy. I really want to see your family and I really want to see the house.¡± I smile up at him and flutter myshes, instantly knowing he¡¯s folding. The lure of showing me the house and the look on my face; Jake is so whipped he has no clue and it makes me grin. I can literally see him caving in. ¡°Okay, but if we need to stop then we stop, even if it takes three days to get to my mamma¡¯s, okay? I don¡¯t mind stopping for breaks and letting you get air or even finding a hotel and staggering the trip.¡± He helps me back into the car putting my seat belt on,ing back from the trunk he hands me a pillow and nket, helping me getfy before kissing me on the forehead and closing the door. ¡°You know ¡­ you¡¯re nothing like the Jake Carrero I met in his office on day one.¡± I giggle at him as he settles himself back in the driver seat and pulls on his belt. His wide shoulders make me long to strip that shirt off him and see them in all their glory. ¡°I¡¯m one and the same.¡± He winks at me cheekily, pulling his seat belt out from his shoulder to untwist it, starting the car and revving the gas as he fiddles with some buttons on the dash. ¡°Sure, you are.¡± I smirk. ¡°That Jake wouldn¡¯t have entertained the idea of a girlfriend, let alone a baby and a house. I can¡¯t see him stopping to prop a cushion under his moaning girlfriend¡¯s head on a boring four-hour drive either.¡± ¡°I guess you broke me, bambino, not that I¡¯mining ¡­ In breaking me, I got to break you too and that reward is worth it all.¡± He grins and ruffles my hair affectionately. ¡°You¡¯re nothing like the Emma who walked into my office in stilettos and the tightest gray skirt I have ever seen, staring at me like I was the enemy. Oh, and for the record, in those first few seconds I thought about taking that damn skirt off and bending you over my desk. I wanted to fuck you the second Iid eyes on you.¡± I turn my head to gape at him in outright surprise. ¡°You did not ¡­ You barely looked me up and down.¡± I protest,ughing, as he tries to tickle me in the ribs. yful Jake has been slowly seeping back in thesest couple of days, rxing in a way. Our rtionship starting to return slowly and surely. The change in both of us had been a lie. We are still in there; trying to find our way back to each other, back to how it was before. ¡°Bambino, I¡¯m a seasoned pro. I could check out any woman without even looking in her direction.¡± He flexes his eyebrows. ¡°You gave me hot dirty dreams from day one, Emma, those skirts seriously ruined my concentration.¡± ¡°Liar.¡± I move in the seat, gettingfy with my cushion and nket, snuggling down so I can watch him drive; he¡¯s too adorable not to watch¡­ ¡°Trust me; I¡¯m a guy. I thought about having sex with you at least once a day; sometimes once an hour. Even back when you were trying your hardest to keep me at arms-length.¡± He has us out on the road smoothly sailing along the tarmac. It¡¯s sunny out and the scenery is pretty and soothing. I can¡¯t imagine that back then Jake was looking at me that way; I guess he really was a seasoned pro after all. ¡°Okay, well maybe you did. I admit I checked you out way more than I allowed myself to deny.¡± I smile when I catch his satisfied grin. ¡°I knew you fancied me.¡± He smirks, and I just shake my head indulgently. His ego does not need any encouragement; then or now. ¡°I had to take a ticket and get in line.¡± I respond with a lowered eyebrow. We haven¡¯t had this easy amusing kind of flow with our conversation in a while. Experiencing an inner swell of happiness because I¡¯m starting to feel this way with him again, easing into this, signs that maybe things could be okay again; that maybe in time we might be how we were. ¡°You must¡¯ve had the golden ticket, bambino.¡± His cheesiness and wink set me off giggling, and I tell him to shut up. My face meets that annoying palm of his, as he slides his hand across it, squishing my nose in the process. ¡°Stop it. Jerk.¡± I p it away. ¡°Make me. Sexy.¡± He throws me an air kiss, and a wink, then tugs the corner of my nket up. ¡°Now go to sleep, before you feel like you¡¯re going to throw up again and let me drive. You¡¯re too distracting with that beautiful face.¡± He beams at me genuinely. I can¡¯t help but smile to myself, as I snuggle down at hismand, closing my eyes. * * * ¡°Jake. I need to get out.¡± I wake with a start, my head spinning and nauseaing at me as soon as my sleep addled braines around. It¡¯s close and I¡¯m going to hurl badly. ¡°We¡¯re here baby, hold on, let me help you.¡± Jake jumps out andes around the car pulling me out fast, just as my stomach throws up the bottle of water, I drank mid-journey, all over the gravel driveway of his mother¡¯s house. Jake jumps back making sure his trainers don¡¯t take a direct hit but keeps me in the crook of his arm. ¡°I swear that time you were aiming.¡± His mouthes to my forehead and holds me against him as the retching subsides. He sweeps back my hair instinctively. ¡°Pay back for waking me up with a bottle of water an hour ago,¡± I grimace, my stomach aching from the effort and I¡¯m rewarded with a smile. He picks me up in his arms like a child and walks me toward the house. He has no qualms about picking me up anyway; not that I amining. ¡°I can walk you know, your mom¡¯s going to think something¡¯s wrong,¡± I protest, weakly. The feeling of extreme warmth in my cheeks and forehead from vomiting is rising again. I hope this passes soon, feeling this way is the worst thing ever. I never was good with being sick or having an illness, even as a child. ¡°Something is wrong, miele ¡­ You¡¯re very pregnant and look like you¡¯re probably running a temperature again.¡± He scrutinizes me as he carries me up to the front door and up the wide sweeping steps. He makes carrying me seem effortless; nothing showing on his face or body and his walk seemingly unaffected. ¡°It¡¯s the car, it seems to make this so much worse.¡± I sigh, burying my face into his neck. This is not how I expected to greet Sylvana Carrero when seeing her again. ¡°I should walk, Jake.¡± ¡°You¡¯re fine like this,¡± he responds, with a no-nonsense tone and I know arguing is futile. Jake has be that scary, overprotective, ¡®loss of a sense of humor¡¯ father-to-be, and I¡¯m too tired for another battle of wills. He manages to get the front door open without letting go, and carries me inside, calling out that we¡¯re here. My face colors at literally being carried over the threshold and wonder if Sylvana will get the wrong idea. I try not to think about how it makes me feel. I¡¯m just getting used to thinking we have a chance at forever again; marriage is not even an idea I¡¯m thinking about right now. Sylvana appears from a room down the hall lookingpletely flustered. Her cheeks have a high spot of red on them and she¡¯s manically squeezing a cordless phone in her hands. Her eyes go wide with both relief and absolute stress; she doesn¡¯t seem to be phased or even acknowledge the way Jake and I have entered. ¡°Jacob! I¡¯ve been trying to call you!¡± She strains in hushed tones, using his full name is never a good sign, quietening her voice as her eyes dart around behind her. She ushers us toward the kitchen in haste. Sylvana is normally the picture of cool and controlled, like her son, so I already have a rising sense of apprehension at her very odd behavior. ¡°Mamma, what the ¡­?¡± ¡°Shhhh.¡± She waves her hands at him to shut him up, pushing us into the kitchen, hauling the door shut behind us when we¡¯re standing in the cool neat interior. ¡°Answer your goddamn phone in future, Jacob! She scowls at him usingly. ¡°I was driving, it¡¯s on silent, I wasn¡¯t expecting anyone to call me. I was letting Emma sleep, Mamma. She¡¯s not too well. What the hell has gotten into you?¡± He huffs childishly at his mother and it¡¯s not hard to picture little Jacob as a kid being told off. I imagine that he was a bit of a handful and can only hope he has the necessary wisdom and training to handle a mini him. ¡°Can you two stop arguing and can you put me down?!¡± I frown up at Jake, with an eye of bewilderment and awkwardness, at being held aloft between a squabbling mother and son. Jake frowns then tips my feet to the floor standing me upright, pulling me into him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders to nestle me in front of him. I feel better out of the car, recovering quickly, and it seems I¡¯m not allowed out of an inch of his reach. ¡°What¡¯s the problem? Is it Dad?¡± Jake almost growls: still no love lost between father and son. When we werest here, he barely acknowledged him at all and still doesn¡¯t seem interested in ever giving Giovanni another chance. I wonder if having a child will make a difference to the rtionship at all. ¡°No, it¡¯s so much worse. Oh, and before I forget.¡± She leans forward and smacks Jake hard in the upper arm near his shoulder. The noise echoing a little loudly; making him jerk to the side with the connection. Sylvana has a mean swing arm, another trait for tadpole to inherit. ¡°Ouch, what the hell was that for?¡± He tenses, flexing his shoulder and I can only guess at the look he¡¯s giving her over my head; especially if the anger radiating from him is anything to go by. ¡°For being an idiot. You know exactly what!¡± She looks at him then down at me with a softening smile and a softening of sympathy. Oh God. Jake told his mother about our breakup. Chapter 214 Chapter 214 ¡°She¡¯s here, isn¡¯t she? I got her back. I¡¯m not going to be that dumb again, I swear.¡± He huffs and squeezes me a little tighter. Sylvana scowls at him, then her face drops, and she heaves a sudden sigh, remembering her dilemma. ¡°This is what the so much worse is.¡± She ps her hands with a dramatic sigh. ¡°Marissa is here. In the sitting room.¡± She grimaces and both Jake and I tense up instantly. My breath catches painfully, but Jake is the first to speak. ¡°What the hell for?¡± He sounds angry, no, he sounds pissed as hell. Meanwhile I just feel sick, and emotional, and about ready to cry and storm away. This is turning into the day from hell for me. ¡°She¡¯s staying with her family for the weekend and just showed up asking to see me and talk about things ¡­ She¡¯s carrying my grandchild remember. I couldn¡¯t turn her away!¡± Sylvana ps her hands on her hips and glowers at her son. Great. Of course, she lives near here, or is from here. When Jake met her, he was only fifteen! Why didn¡¯t I realize this before agreeing to a house here? ¡°For the love of fucking God!¡± Jake curses, and moves me to a seat nearby, helping me slide down into it. He strokes me across the shoulder and nts a kiss on my cheek despite his obvious agitation. He moves off and gets me a ss of iced water beforeing back to stand behind me, resting his hands on the back of my chair. He¡¯s pacing to control the war of emotions going on in his head. I know his tells almost as well as he knows mine nowadays. ¡°Fuck.¡± He grinds through gritted teeth. I drink the water slowly, d of the small task to focus on and the cool liquid to quell my nausea; my head spinning out of control with a million emotions and crazy thoughts. The bitter pit of anxiety in my stomach expands at speed. I wonder if you can me murder on pregnancy hormones? Some sort of mental breakdown and loss of faculties? ¡°Language, Jacob!¡± Sylvana res at him, then pats me on the shoulder, and walks to the fridge hauling out a bottle of wine. ¡°We need something stronger,¡± she exims, waving the bottle toward us with a wicked smile. ¡°Umm. No alcohol for Emma, Mamma.¡± It¡¯s out before Jake even thinks about what he¡¯s saying and Sylvana spins. In an instant I see it and so does he. The clicking mind of a very sharp woman who has just registered that he carried me in looking sick, he¡¯s been clucking around me ever since; more so than normal, and now, he¡¯s refusing alcohol on my behalf in a tone that suggests ¡­ well suggests I¡¯m pregnant. Her eyes widen, and her handes to cover her mouth in a swift gasp. ¡°Really?¡± Tears prick her eyes and she visibly shakes herself. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°Depends on what you¡¯re asking?¡± Jake turns sheepish, trying to gauge his mother¡¯s reaction, trying to figure out if she¡¯s shocked happy or shocked pissed. I¡¯m not counting on one more than the other as I just don¡¯t know. Marissa¡¯s baby puts a different spin on what would normally be a grandmother¡¯s dream. I, meanwhile, am still sitting thinking about the fact that Demon Bitch is sitting a few rooms away. The woman carrying my boyfriend¡¯s baby. The woman he kissed not so long ago. She¡¯s right here in his family home looking to talk to Sylvana about her future as the mother of Sylvana¡¯s grandchild. The ironic timing of this situation is not lost on me. My stomach thumps hard and my heart aches with shattering pain. I still hate the bitch with a vengeance even if I am learning to forgive Jake. ¡°Are you pregnant?¡± She watches Jake closely, poised and still, barely breathing. Her voice is almost a whisper as though she daren¡¯t believe it. ¡°Well not me personally, Mamma, but yeah, Emma and I are having a lil¡¯ Carrero.¡± Jake sounds pleased and proud; for a tiny moment, I forget about her and look at him with sheer love. It never ceases to surprise me seeing his reaction to our baby. The genuine happiness in his tone and no doubts whatsoever despite how crazy in turmoil I still feel every day. Any time he says it he always looks fit to burst with sheer joy. I can forgive him anything when he looks like this. ¡°Oh, my God.¡± Sylvana runs to her son, throwing her arms around his big frame, dramatically, hauling him down to her height and kissing him on both cheeks in a very Italian manner before bursting into fluent Italian dialog. Jake answers her in a mix of English and Italian and I have zero clue to what is being said, other than she cries and grins a lot. It¡¯s emotional to watch and it¡¯s obvious she¡¯s ecstatic. I can¡¯t help but wonder how she reacted when he told her about Marissa¡¯s child. I try to push away that lump of pain in my chest. She turns to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, kissing me on the cheek from her position above me. Gushing and tweaking my cheeks with another bout of fluent Italian. I just blink back with a smile and have no idea what to respond with. Jake always seems oblivious to the fact that I need a trantor sometimes. I¡¯m not even sure that he¡¯s aware of when they switch betweennguages. ¡°There¡¯s more, Mamma. Emma and I are here to go see a house this weekend. A house I might want to buy for us.¡± He can barely contain the beaming happiness bouncing off him in giant waves. I think it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen a beautifullyposed, graceful woman, like Sylvana, literally burst into a happy dance and sob at the same time. He just made her wildest dreamse true and it goes a long way to making me feel a better in an instant; forgetting about Demon Bitch for a few needed minutes. ¡°Is it close by?¡± She chirps ecstatically. Jake nces at me for a second, I note the little flutter of doubt, then he smiles slowly and cautiously and looks back at her. ¡°You can see it from here.¡± He nods toward the refrigerator wall facing him, indicating the direction, and Sylvana breaks into a huge grin. ¡°The Wilsons? They haven¡¯t even told anyone it¡¯s on the market yet ¡­ Jake it¡¯s practically next door!¡± Sylvana is back to calling him Jake so I¡¯m sure he¡¯s just made her month. She really is the happiest woman alive and I am feeling a little buzz about his confession too. The Wilson house is next door, close enough to be a part of his family, and a small part of me is really warming to this idea. Okay maybe not next door in New York sense; I mean they are far apart with grounds in between and a huge massive line of trees and security fencing ¡­ But next door as in a five-minute walk across the back grounds. If you didn¡¯t have any fences to climb. ¡°You know I can¡¯t leave her chatting with ra in the sitting room forever, Jacob?¡± Sylvana finally points out when the excitement and chatter about the house dies down. She¡¯s still holding a hand to her heart as though it¡¯s fluttering. Her beautiful face radiating sheer motherly bliss. ra is Sylvana¡¯s assistant from her charity office and a very close friend who lives nearby. Jake nces at me and I catch the flicker run across his face. He has no clue how to y this. If it was just a case of it being Marissa and the baby he would go and speak to her; but now it¡¯s a case of Jake having kissed Marissa, knowing his actions can affect me tremendously, affect what he¡¯s trying to fix. I don¡¯t want to tell him what to do. I want him to decide for himself. I want to trust him. If I¡¯m ever going to move on, then I need to learn to trust him, especially when ites to her. I remain impassive, no expression or messages, just a nk look so he gets nothing from me. He frowns watching my face then finally sighs. ¡°I¡¯m going to take Emma upstairs for a while, Mamma, let her lie down and have some time to recover. Just get Marissa to leave.¡± He kisses her on the cheek beforeing to me and pulling my chair out. He catches my hand, kissing my palm before enveloping it in his and pulling me up, tugging me into his arms and toward the kitchen door. I don¡¯t know how to really feel so I just allow him to take control and guide me. ¡°Jacob ¡­ Ordinarily I would agree, but this isn¡¯t about any of you ¡­ It¡¯s about a child. Now, more than ever, you should understand the importance of that.¡± Sylvana¡¯sment hits home and Jake stalls in front of me, his body stiffening and he sighs hard. She obviously knows how to get under his skin with very few words. ¡°What do you want me to do? I¡¯m standing here with the love of my life, very aware of how close I came to fucking it all up with the girl in the next room, Mamma ¡­ There is a baby involved but I¡¯m not going to ignore how this affects Emma and our baby, and our future together.¡± He¡¯s upset. I can feel the despair emanating from him and can only give him a sympathetic look. I hug close to him as his arm tightens around my shoulder. Complication at its best. Chapter 215 Chapter 215 ¡°You¡¯re all adults, Jake. Let the past stay in the past. Emma is here with you. You have all got to get it together, for the sake of these babies, they will be siblings after all.¡± Herment hits me this time and I swallow hard, tears threatening. She¡¯s right, as much as this is killing me she¡¯s so very right; my baby has a sibling already and as much as I hate the girl in the next room I can¡¯t hate the part growing inside of her that belongs to Jake. His eyes on me as I stare at my stomach and a tear rolls down my cheek involuntarily. ¡°Go see her, Jake. I¡¯ll be upstairs.¡± I pull out of his arms and head away, but he catches me and hauls me back against him, lifting my face to his with that no-nonsense expression set in. ¡°Hell. No.¡± He kisses me gently on the nose and wipes my face with his thumb, keeping me close, reassuring me with his hold. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mamma, but I¡¯m not changing my mind in this. Emma is my priority. If Marissa wants to talk, then fine, let her hang around ore backter. But right now, I¡¯m taking Emma upstairs and I won¡¯t be down until she¡¯s ready toe with me. The pregnancy is making her ill and she needs rest. She needs me beside her to take care of her like I promised I would always do.¡± His eyes are steady on mine, so much transpiring in those green depths. He¡¯s making a stand, showing me that no matter what it¡¯s always me first, and whether I knew it, it¡¯s what I needed and I¡¯m grateful for the way the pain in my heart let¡¯s go a little. ¡°I knew I raised you right.¡± Sylvana smiles, patting his shoulder. ¡°Marissa cane back for dinner and you¡¯ll talk to her before she leaves. I¡¯ll send food to your room if you prefer not eating with her but at some point, you¡¯ll sit down and be adults. Enough of all this foolishness now.¡± Jake grits his teeth and narrows his eyes before he finally nods. ¡°Fine. I¡¯m sure we can all handle dinner without anyone throwing a few steak knives.¡± His jaw is still rigid and his body still solid. He may be agreeing but he¡¯s not happy in the slightest. I really hope the nce at me was not in any way rted to hisment. Although,e to think of it, I better make sure he removes anything sharp if I¡¯m to sit at dinner with her. I don¡¯t have a clue about how I¡¯m going to handle this. ¡°Good. Now go. I¡¯m being extremely ignorant leaving her this long. Go to your room, it¡¯s all made up.¡± She smiles, waving us off, then bustles away toward the long wide marble corridor leading to the family room. Jake leads me up the long sweeping stair before pulling me into our room and into his arms. ¡°Are you okay? About all of this I mean?¡± He looks worried. No. He looks scared and it only makes me love him more. ¡°No ¡­ Not really, but your mom¡¯s right, Jake. This isn¡¯t about any of us anymore.¡± I hate that I¡¯m even agreeing to it, agreement doesn¡¯t mean it doesn¡¯t hurt like hell, but here we are. Being pregnant has changed my outlook so much in such a short time despite the fact I don¡¯t even know how to ept it. Maybe it¡¯s an internal maternal change but I¡¯m thinking about Marissa¡¯s child and suddenly I don¡¯t want to be the bad guy in this. I don¡¯t want to be the bitch that shuns a child because she can¡¯t handle the rtionship between her boyfriend and his ex. Jake is pensive, his fingers tangling in my hair and his forehead resting against mine; sighing as he finds sce in me. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°I love you. I don¡¯t want you upset.¡± He sighs. ¡°I don¡¯t want you looking at her and thinking about ¡­¡± He closes his eyes, the regret shining all over his face. I can¡¯t say I¡¯m not thinking the same thing, but this is how it is. ¡°I¡¯m not going to leave you again if that¡¯s what you¡¯re worried about,¡± I reassure him, and he opens one eye to look at me then the other. ¡°Promise?¡± His boyish smile followed by a tentative kiss on the lips, soft and gentle, everything I need right now. I sigh against him and let him pull me out of my own head. ¡°I promise.¡± I try a smile and fail. I may be saying the right thing but I¡¯m not feeling it. I¡¯m overemotional and just a slight bit insecure. Nerves getting the better of me, yet all that aside I do mean what I say. He¡¯s stuck with me, whether he still wants it or not, I¡¯m not going anywhere without him ever again. ¡°Breathe, bambino.¡± Jake¡¯s mouthes to my cheek in a soft peck from behind; his hands on my shoulders as I stand smoothing down my dress in the mirror. It¡¯ste and we¡¯ve been up here for a couple of hours. I slept a lot and weid together just talking, while watching daytime TV, about everything and nothing. Idle chit chat and jokes; Jake trying his hardest to just make this feel normal. Neither of us wanting to acknowledge that she is going to be under the same roof soon enough. Neither of us wanting to talk about anything to do with her. I would be happy with never talking about what he did ever again. I am so ravenous for food, but I know she¡¯s down there somewhere; I¡¯m about toy eyes on her for the first time since he touched her. I gulp softly and quell the nerves running through my stomach which are causing a swirling ache of nausea. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± I try to reassure him, even though I¡¯m far from it. I smile back at him from our reflection. I¡¯m looking better, less pale, no more rosy cheeks from a high temperature. My ck shift dress clinging in all the right ces and my t pumps making me a little less formal. I look right for a dinner in a family home; just not right to face the woman who is crazy in love with my Jake. The woman he betrayed me with not so long ago and my stomach lurches with a stab of pain. ¡°You look beautiful. Sexy ¡­ Fuckable.¡± Jake grins, kissing me on the neck, burying his face against me and smelling me. I close my eyes. He always knows what to say and how to touch me. That familiar ache in my lower abdomen stirs that I get frequently, any mention of sex or gentle kisses or caresses, especially my neck and I yearn for him. It¡¯s been too long, and I find myself salivating over him, more and more, with every passing day. He¡¯s just too damn masculine and utterly devastating to not want to be nakedly entwined with him. Just looking at him walk across a room in casual or formal clothes could send any woman¡¯s heart racing, let alone someone who knows what those hands and that body are capable of. I am seriously craving everything he could do to me right now while watching him in the mirror. Jake is right though, something inside of me isn¡¯t ready and I¡¯m not there yet. He never gives any signs of getting beyond kissing and cuddling, my lower body seemspletely off limits to him. When he touches me anywhere below my waistline, hips are all he will put his hands on, except my abdomen where our baby lies. ¡°Ditto.¡± I smile, devouring him visibly in his fitted navy shirt under a dark gray tailored suit, cor open as always,cking a tie. He looks dressed for more business dinner rather than family meal, but I know he¡¯s conveying a message. This dinner will be all business while Marissa is at his mother¡¯s table. He told me his mother wants to be involved, to try to mediate the situation he¡¯s been failing to get on top of for weeks. In a way, I feel better knowing she¡¯ll be there for support. Sylvana, with her wless grace will bring a presence to be table that will, maybe, finally, get Marissa to agree to set terms and stop the emotional tug of war and maniptive moves. The problem is simple. Marissa is still in love with Jake so she¡¯s not going to stop trying to maneuver this situation her way. She obviously figures that baby means leverage, and after Jake kissed her, she thinks she has a chance of getting him back. She clearly has no clue to the meaning behind his kiss. To her it was a glimpse into the problems in our rtionship and maybe a hint that he still wanted her. I have no doubt her showing up here is because she thinks she can push Jake¡¯s mother to her side once more. I know back as a teen she was a regr in this house and she¡¯s angling to get back in. I watch him move back to fix his hair, his gaze over my head in the mirror as he expertly styles it with his fingertips. He looks adorable when he¡¯s doing simple things like this. Young and effortlessly sexy. I can¡¯t deny that with every passing day I¡¯m starting to learn how to forgive him, a tiny bit at a time, and it¡¯s starting to hurt a little less intensely. Looking at him now there¡¯s none of the carnage I felt in those first few days, none of the confusion I used to feel when stood close to him. I know he doesn¡¯t still have feelings for her. Finally, that inner insecurity, in thest few weeks, somehow has shaken itself free; in every look he turns my way, with every touch and every word out of his mouth. Jake loves me, really, really loves me. In the way that I love him. A fully epassing and world changing, blow your mind kind of love. Marissa never stood a chance with him. That kiss meant nothing, and I am not going to let it hurt me, or us, anymore. The attention he continually shows to our unborn baby is like a final sign that I am everything to him and our life together will always be his soul focus. He catches my eye in the mirror and smiles at me, that sexy natural slight flex he throws me every time we look at each other. My heart lurches a little and skips a beat. Jake could always say so much with a look, maybe because I know him so well and am tuned into him on another level. In one look, he¡¯s telling me everything I ever need to know, and he means it; telling me I look beautiful and he¡¯s completely in love with me. He¡¯s giving me courage. Chapter 216 Chapter 216 As much as I try to prepare myself by pulling on my most efficient PA Emma face none of it truly prepares me for the st of sickening pain when I am finally faced with one Marissa Hartley. Walking down the stairs and into the dining room I don¡¯t take in the beautiful room, elegant settings, or wonderful smells of food. I just see the girl with the long, curled, brown, highlighted hair. The seductive, Latino looking face with sensual lips, wearing an overly tight floor length animal print dress, fully emphasizing her bust, curvy figure, and undeniablypact baby bump protruding at her front. I also can¡¯t ignore the way her eyes devour Jake hungrily as he walks in behind me with a guiding hand. She exudes pure sexual energy, every movement calcted for maximum impact, hips swinging and cleavage swaying. Her pouting and hair flicking mannerisms all made for pure seduction. I hate you so much I want to smash that center piece right into your face. I re at her icily, our eyes meeting for a moment, and I catch a glimmer of smugness. She has no qualms about meeting me dead on and even licks her lips in the process. I feel nothing but revulsion and soul scratching hatred for her. ¡°Jake ¡­ Emma.¡± Her low husky voice purrs our names as she slips effortlessly into a seat ushered by Sylvana, sliding down gracefully and never once taking her eyes from Jake as he settles me into my chair. I nce at the steak knives in front of me and wonder if Jake would mind if I stabbed her in the face with one. The waiting staff nearby areying sses of wine down on the table. I note that both the ss before her and I are full of fresh orange instead, an inner smugness washes over me and I wonder if she will even notice. See, you think you have something over me, Marissa, I have a secret that you¡¯re going to hate more. I catch Jake watching me, carefully, as he slides in beside me. Neither of us has said a word since walking in here. I catch his eyes going to the ridiculously sharp cutlery, a slight hint of a smirk draws across his face. He obviously knows where my brain has been heading and I raise an eyebrow at him as if to say, What? He just shakes his head with a smile and leans in to kiss me behind the ear. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°I love you, but please don¡¯t stab her while we have witnesses.¡± The low husky tone, followed by his chuckle, sets a smile on my face and I¡¯m even more smug at catching Marissa scowling our way. Her eyes narrow at Jake¡¯s affection, and she twists a fork in agitation. Arrick appears, casually, with a new, non-descriptive girl in tow; a mirror image of the little thing who annoyed me so muchst time we were here. He says his hellos, passing smiles and introductions, when Giovanni Carrero saunters in greeting us all unemotionally. I suddenly feel a little more ufortable when he¡¯s here, that steady sharp gaze seems to devour this scene, the polite greetings as though he¡¯s walking into a business meeting and not seeing his own flesh and blood. Everyone sits, including Sylvana, and there is an almost fake politeness in the atmosphere as quiet chatter and light idle conversation begins. I re at Marissa as we¡¯re served. This is a family dinner and she¡¯s been allowed to join in. Sylvana is trying to bring her into the fold of the family to send Jake a clear message. She wants him to fix this and ensure her grandchild is not kept from her. She wants Marissa to feel like she¡¯s a part of this, and belongs here too, so in the future she will want to bring her child here. My heart plummets at just how much I hate her presence in this home with these people who are supposed to be my family one day. The realization that this is how it¡¯s going to be, that this isn¡¯t just about her, Jake, and I, but it¡¯s about all of us and what these people will be in her child¡¯s life. That tug of emotion rises, hitting me hard, swallowing down the pain that threatens to consume me suddenly. Jake slides his hand over mine and pulls it to his mouth kissing my knuckles, softly, pulling me toward him a little. He bridges the gap and pecks me softly on the cheek whispering ¡°I love you¡± as he pulls back. He senses the change in me, senses that I¡¯m feeling emotional, and like always, he¡¯s there to ground me. I can¡¯t help but smile at him adoringly. Green eyes locking onto mine, so many messages tranting in one tender look. My heart rising a little that I have him and she never will, not in the way she wants him. I catch Marissa watching us with a re of sheer hatred in her eye as the death grip on the fork she¡¯s holding turns her knuckles white. It only strengthens that inner feeling of triumph and I smile toward her almost sciously. ¡°So, I hear there¡¯s some news you have for me, Jacob?¡± Giovanni cuts in smoothly, across the chatter, as the starter tes are slid before us by efficient house staff. I flicker up catching both men¡¯s eyes locked across the table, no sort of emotion or message on either face. They are acting like they always do, like two men in a standoff, trying to be polite. Try as I might I have never really understood how they can stand this rtionship. Jake never seems to want to try to fix things and Giovanni never seems to make attempt either. ¡°I have a couple of things I need to tell you, just not here right now.¡± Jake¡¯s voice betrays a slight edge in his tone and his father instantly smirks. The irritating Carrero smirk that shows they are undeniably rted despite their very different appearances, neither looking away, the air almost sizzling with tension. I catch a nervous flinch in the corner of Sylvana¡¯s eye and start to feel a little ufortable too. Giovanni is one of the most unreadable people I have ever met in my life. He gives no inkling to what he¡¯s thinking or feeling, ever. An amazing poker face and never seems to have any other moods apart from this one or yelling at staff. Even in his family¡¯s presence there is his usual, air of authority and emotional distance. It¡¯s a little chilling. ¡°Yes,ter, when we don¡¯t have guests.¡± Sylvana warns with a tone of authority and throws a smile at Marissa sitting to her right. It¡¯s a reassuring smile. Giovanni is at the head of the table and doesn¡¯t acknowledge Marissa at all. He doesn¡¯t even look her way, keeping his dark set of eyes focused on me, I begin to tremble. ¡°Emma? I hear congrattions are in order.¡± Giovanni raises an eyebrow at me, and I choke hard on the piece of broli I put in my mouth. My eyes dart around the faces at the table and Jake tenses. The ripples of anger from him surging, instantly, because I¡¯ve been put on the spot by a man who rarely acknowledged my presence thest time I was here. I can feel Jake¡¯s whole body change like lightening. ¡°Ummm.¡± I falter. Stammering because I have no idea what to say. ¡°Jake told us you¡¯re his VP now, because you have a good business head and could do a lot of good in the future of ourpany.¡± Arrick cuts in, with a knowing smile, and I get the same edgy tone from his voice that Jake has. I notice for the first time the same cool look he gives his father. Arrick is obviously the family mediator when ites to this vtile rtionship, moving in to easily diffuse whatever this is. I smile at him gratefully, warmed to him instantly. ¡°I¡¯m undecided if that¡¯s what I want anymore. I need to take some time to evaluate my career.¡± I return quickly. Jake seems happy with the answer, Arrick smiles encouragingly, and everyone sets about the food in front of them. Jake rxes and starts digging into his food with his fork. I can¡¯t help but nce at Marissa directly across the table and she¡¯s watching him under hershes as she digs into her food. The whole atmosphere is tense and weird, nothing like thest time I was with these people. All that friendly energetic chatter and cozy banter is severelycking. ¡°Actually. No. I meant the fact that he¡¯s buying you a house next door.¡± Giovanni drops the bombshell and Marissa¡¯s head almost snaps off; with the speed she spins toward him. Sylvana gapes at him, in anger, and throws him a look that can only mean she¡¯s got some serious words for him when they¡¯re alone. Jake stiffens, his fingers tighten around his ss mid-way to his mouth. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I? I intend to marry her one day so of course I¡¯m going to buy us a house where we can raise a family and settle down.¡± Jake¡¯s tone gives nothing away. I could almost kiss him when I see that bitch¡¯s lower lip wobble. Jake is obviously used to dealing with Giovanni, and ys his part effortlessly, never giving his father a hint of being rattled at all. The constant power struggle between father and son that I have witnessed a million times at work. I try to swallow down the ravioli I¡¯ve jammed into my mouth, but the ability has deserted me. I gulp down orange juice to dislodge the lump in my throat, trying to calm my pounding heart and mmy palms. This dinner is tense, and I just need to get through it before the dramatics with Marissa commence. I wish we had eaten upstairs after all. ¡°Well ¡­ seeing as you¡¯ve already made a start with reproducing, I think it¡¯s a great idea, especially so close to home.¡± Giovanni smiles toward him with an evil glint in his eyes. My heart rate quickens and my stomach drops. I really do wonder why Giovanni hates me so much. This is obviously a remark to hurt me, maybe he dislikes Jake looking to make a future with me. Giovanni obviously disproves of Jake marrying his ex-PA. Oh my God. Ground please open and take me now. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m sure when he gets weekend ess to our child a house here will be great seeing as I intend to move back home for the first few years.¡± Marissa flutters hershes, deviously throwing Jake a sexy smile, hiding nothing of her malicious jibe. All I can do is gawp at her and what she¡¯s saying, the fact she intends to be a more permanent, closer thorn in my side by moving back here. Consumed with an inner rise of anger and heartbreak, dueling to get on top of one another. This is not how a new home is supposed to be received into our lives. I catch Jake frowning at her from the corner of my eye and know he¡¯s thinking the same thing. Marissa moving here was never part of the n at all. Chapter 217 Chapter 217 ¡°Actually ¡­ I was talking about Emma¡¯s baby.¡± Giovanni leans back with a wolfish grin and satisfied glint in his eye. The tter of cutlery as Marissa drops her fork and gapes at me with open-mouthed shock. I realize she¡¯s not the only one, Arrick¡¯s girlfriend is practically bug-eyed gawping my way and no one is holding cutlery now except me. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake¡­¡± Jake snaps, raising a hand to pinch his brow, his elbow hitting the table to hold his arm up. He knows the shit is about to hit the fan and he¡¯s waiting on it. ¡°Dad, you¡¯re an asshole.¡± Arrick cuts in, instantly, and Marissa erupts. ¡°What the actual fuck?! Since fucking when?!¡± She throws her napkin down on top of her food, ring at him then me, focusing on one after the other with sheer fury across her pouted mouth. She doesn¡¯t look quite so attractive now and yet all I can do is lower my head and stare at myp to try to control the surge ofplete tension running through me. Giovanni certainly knows how to ruin a dinner. ¡°Arrick. Please take Gloria to the front room and I¡¯ll have your tes sent through ¡­ Giovanni. I suggest you go eat in your office!¡± Sylvana snaps, taking control, and stands up. She puts a hand on Marissa¡¯s shoulder, sharply sitting her down, since Marissa has risen from her seat in anger. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°How did you find out?¡± Jake res at Giovanni furiously. The waves of rage can almost be seen rippling across the table. Everyone turns to look at the older man sitting smugly, sipping his ss of wine, as though he¡¯spletely unaware of the scene he¡¯s just caused. ¡°You underestimate me, Jacob. Two women at this table with a pregnancy glow and drinking fresh orange instead of my $2000 a bottle Chardonnay. You forget I¡¯m a father who knows when ady is carrying, and I¡¯m fully aware you set up a viewing for the Wilson house, he¡¯s my golfing partner after all. I¡¯m just disappointed that you felt you could tell your mother and brother who are the only two who did not react to this news and yet still hadn¡¯t told me.¡± He slides up, lifting his ss, and walks coolly toward the door while Jake visually throws daggers into his back. All I can think of is how keen eyed Senior Carrero is. He really is a smart cookie after all. I can¡¯t help but be a little impressed with his scarily keen observations. I want the ground to open and devour me. The seething hatred emanating my way from Demon Bitch is making my skin prickle and inner-Teen-Emma rage, looming inside. Arrick and his girlfriend are practically high tailing it out of the room and Sylvana is ring at everyone with a sheer angry momma bear look. This is not how I envisioned this would go. I had no idea we¡¯d even be telling Marissa about the baby just yet, so, I guess in a way Giovanni has done us a favor. ¡°So, this is why you keep fucking stalling and pissing me about?!¡± Marissa spits with venom across the table as Sylvana moves toward her. I¡¯m not sure what her intentions are but gone is the kind maternal expression, now she¡¯s angry mamma ready to tackle a crazy pregnant woman down if she dares get up. ¡°Shut up, Marissa, and calm the fuck down.¡± Jake res at her. I catch the simmering of something between them; fury on his part and possibly the same from her. I wonder if this was how the meetings in LA went in the past. ¡°Mamma. I think the three of us need to do this without you here.¡± Jake turns to Sylvana and the sh of stubborn flick across her attractive face. She lifts her chin for a moment as she narrows her gaze on him and then sighs in defeat. ¡°Behave like adults. I¡¯ll be dealing with your father.¡± She turns, walks around the table, and leaves, picking up Arrick and Gloria¡¯s tes in passing, ushering thest of her house staff with her, including the poor girl who was caught like a deer in heamps in the corner and pulling the door closed behind them. We¡¯re left, just the three of us, fused together with heightened emotion emanating across the dining room, air filled with the stifling atmosphere and a moment of deafening silence. I look to Jake for any sign of how to act or what to say and notice he¡¯s looking down at the table pushing around his wine ss, steadying his anger with slow even breaths. He¡¯s thinking about what he wants to say before he erupts too. I know this version of him, I¡¯ve seen it in boardroom meetings, when someone is pushing his buttons and he¡¯s about to go all ¡®Alpha Boss¡¯ mode and take them down. I shiver in anticipation and suddenly I don¡¯t want to be in here and doing this. I want to be upstairs or anywhere else but here between these two. ¡°Well?¡± Marissa snaps impatiently. ¡°Marissa, yes, Emma is pregnant. It wasn¡¯t nned but I¡¯m happy, we¡¯re happy about it. It doesn¡¯t concern you in the slightest.¡± Jake¡¯s steady even tone isced with aggression. He¡¯s trying so hard to get control of this conversation before it erupts again. ¡°How the fuck does this not concern me exactly?! Everything I have asked for with our baby, Jake, every request has been fucking denied me and now I know why! You¡¯re setting up happy families with her and my child is being tossed aside like it doesn¡¯t fucking matter!¡± She spits and ms her palms onto the table wildly, setting cups and sses rattling unsteadily. I jump with the impact and Jake immediately brings a hand to myp tofort me. ¡°This is recent, Marissa. It has nothing to do with any of that. Your demands are ridiculous, parenting sses, running to LA every time you click your fingers. We¡¯re not in a rtionship and I don¡¯t want to spend more time than necessary with you.¡± Jake growls back at her, tempers rising, and I grasp his fingers to urge him to calm down. Jake¡¯s so much better than this. He deals with negotiations and hard- headed business tycoons daily. He shouldn¡¯t lower himself to her standards. He squeezes back and I throw him a supportive subtle smile. He takes a calming breath and sits back, lifting his wine taking slow deliberate sips, giving himself a moment. ¡°So, tell me, Jake ¡­ You say you¡¯re happy? Funny ¡­ Because I can remember the word abortion coming up when I told you that you were going to be a father! You said you didn¡¯t even want kids! Yet here you are now ying Mr. Daddy-to-be of the year; buying her a fucking house!¡± Marissa is sitting back with arms crossed across her cleavage, every word like venom on her tongue, ring at me and not him, with highly intoxicated hatred. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I feel differently? You came to me after one drunk night, that I can¡¯t even fucking remember, and told me there was a baby. I am in love with Emma, had been for so long and your appearance almost screwed up the chance I had with her.¡± Jake stands up and walks off toward the unit behind us, grabbing the bottle of wine, he walks back filling his ss to the top. ¡°When Emma found out she was pregnant it was different. It changed everything Marissa, because I love her, because I want a life with her, because she¡¯s my world.¡± He picks it up and downs the whole thing in one go. Oh, this is not good. Jake drinking is Jake sliding into more impulsive, more aggressive mode, where he can be unpredictable and harder to control. I throw him a wary look and when he goes to top it up again, I swipe his ss away quickly, giving him a pleading ¡®please don¡¯t¡¯ nce. He frowns at me and sighs before nking the bottle on the table, sitting down instead. I inhale heavily, trying to rx as much as I can, while this crap is going on. ¡°So where does that leave me?! Our baby?!¡± She spits. ¡°Same ce it already is. Visitation, ess. I¡¯m just not jumping through hoops for you. There¡¯s no reason to be a part of your life before the baby is here. I don¡¯t need a rtionship with you because to be honest it would always be like this; it has always been like this.¡± Jake waves a hand between them, gesturing each other, locking his green no-nonsense focus on her, and willing her to back down the way I¡¯ve seen him make many a man crumble. ¡°Fuck no! ¡­ You want to see your baby then you sure as hell ept that I¡¯ll be here and in your life. No rtionship with me, then no fucking visitation!¡± She ps her hand on the table again and I can¡¯t contain it anymore. ¡°Is that what it¡¯s all been about? Having him in any way on your terms? Whether he wants it or not?¡± I sound angry, maybe even as venomous as her, but I don¡¯t care. I¡¯m seeing through her bullshit. This isn¡¯t about the baby, this is about being close to him, having control over him like he¡¯s her possession; needing to bow to her will in some way. It¡¯s about forcing Jake to have her in his life. ¡°Is that what your jealous little head tells you? That I want him? That I¡¯m trying to take him from you?¡± Marissaughs nastily. ¡°Sweetie, please, he¡¯s the one who fucked me senseless that night and got me pregnant. He¡¯s the one who was all over me asking for me to go home with him. If I wanted Jake back, I only need to ask.¡± She smirks but I only narrow my eyes and frown. Even I know that¡¯s wrong, Jake isn¡¯t someone who lets what he wants slip away. He¡¯s someone who goes after it and if he wanted her all along then I wouldn¡¯t be sitting beside him now. I saw her texts telling him she still loves him, and he never bothered to reply to her. The woman is deranged if she believes what she¡¯s saying. ¡°Marissa. I haven¡¯t wanted you in any way since I was about fifteen and even back then I¡¯m pretty damn sure it wasn¡¯t even real love.¡± Jake sighs, even he¡¯s exhausted with this conversation, and I can feel the vibesing from him. He wants her to leave, as do I, since he doesn¡¯t see this going anywhere. ¡°He¡¯s never wanted you, Marissa. I know him better than you ever will,¡± I say tly, focusing on my hands and the napkin I¡¯ve been twisting the life out of, instead of those vicious dark eyes emanating all sorts of hate my way. ¡°You know your fucking boyfriend cheated on you, right? With me ¡­ about four weeks ago,¡± Marissa spits at me across the table, shoving her te out of the way, knocking over some empty water sses. ¡°If you mean he kissed you then yes, he told me.¡± I re back at her, lifting my chin defiantly. I lock my gaze onto those dark brown almost ck dangerous eyes ring back at me. My facepletely devoid of emotion, even though it feels like a punch in the stomach to say it, just like it used to do. There¡¯s a look in her eyes of surprise, at me knowing about the kiss, before she narrows them viciously. ¡°Kiss? Ha fucking ha! He had his tongue down my throat and his hand up my fucking dress almost making me cum, inches away from fucking me if I hadn¡¯t stopped it. He wanted me just as much as he did the night, he stuck a baby inside me.¡± She tosses her hair back over her shoulder and I jump when the table is mmed by Jake¡¯s palm disrupting everything, scaring the hell out of me. Chapter 218 Chapter 218 ¡°That¡¯s not what fucking happened, and you know it.¡± He yells at her and I cringe in fright pulling myself back in my seat, my heart rate going crazy, my mind a swirl of emotions of images of him and her. I don¡¯t even know what to believe in. She seems to find pleasure in sitting up straighter, meeting his fire head on and I seriously start to wonder if there was more between them that night. My doubts and insecurities filtering in as I try to get a handle on the pain in my chest. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you can even remember, Jake darling, seeing as you were obviously high on God knows what and probably can¡¯t remember exactly what happened. You were an absolute mess if I remember rightly.¡± She purrs and flutters at him. I feel sick to my stomach, my head a mass of confusion, I look to him and her and back again in painful panic. I don¡¯t want to believe her, I shouldn¡¯t. I can trust him. He¡¯s been proving that to me all along, hasn¡¯t he? ¡°Why? You think because fucking you once had been so unmemorable that I wouldn¡¯t remember four weeks ago? I remember every single moment, Marissa, right down to the second youunched yourself at me and I rejected you because I realized the only girl I ever wanted is Emma.¡± Jake is seething. I know him. I watch him and read his bodynguage. He¡¯s not lying. He¡¯s angry that she would imply there was more, he¡¯s enraged that she has the gall to try to do this to me, to hurt us, and I¡¯m not going to let her do it to him or me. I have one hundred percent faith that what Jake told me was the truth and this maniptive bitch is just trying to make me leave him again. Making a pathway for her to try to get her ws into him and I sure as hell will never let that happen. ¡°You have no clue. I saw the state of you. There¡¯s no way you remember urately what you did with me and I can assure you that you definitely remember how to finger fuck me to an orgasm, Jake.¡± She smiles and evilly licks her lips, looking directly at his crotch now that he¡¯s on his feet and I flinch. The urge to use one of these steak knives has never been so appealing. ¡°You¡¯re a liar.¡± I lift my chin, eyes pouring tears that I wasn¡¯t even aware were falling and face her full- on. ¡°You¡¯re a disgusting pathetic tramp and a liar. Do you really think I would believe you? Over him?!¡± I stand and slowly start folding my napkin neatly, lying it on the table, old PA Emma taking control, pushing my erratic emotions down. ¡°Then you¡¯re a fucking idiot, because once a cheat always a cheat, whether he kissed me or fucked me, he still cheated! Believe me, he will again!¡± Everyone is standing and ring at one another, well Jake and I at her and her at both of us. ¡°You would know.¡± Jake cuts in with a snidement and a snarl. ¡°You are the queen of fucking cheating, Marissa, right?!¡± I catch that spark of fury, bracing myself for another onught of nastiness, but she cackles,ughing like a crazy witch. ¡°All these years, Jacob. You¡¯re still so sore about all that because you¡¯re in denial. You feel the way you do about me because it still hurts, baby. You still love me. You never forget your first love and you never get over them. You remember telling me you loved me bambino? When you used to fuck me over and over. You could never get enough of me, could you? Seems you still can¡¯t.¡± She¡¯s purring at him, using his own pet name which makes me pale, my fists clenching and my nails biting into my palms. Jake is shaking his head at her and snarling again. My fury is building to epic proportions at just the thought of the two of them, back then and now, when they made a baby. It¡¯s all one giant mess of visions and agony and it makes me want to rip her head off. ¡°I don¡¯t want you. I have everything standing right next to me that I could ever want. You¡¯re just that irritating nail in my shoe that I can¡¯t get rid of.¡± Jake delivers it with a sneer, but she doesn¡¯t falter, just more bedroom eyes and lip licking. ¡°He did more than kiss me, Emma. He was unzipped and ready to go if only I¡¯d stopped resisting. Pushed up against the wall in a dark smoky club. I bet you were thest thing on his mind, baby cakes.¡± She meets his eyes full-on, challenging him defiantly, a glimmer of calction in that face and I know without a doubt she¡¯s lying. Jake may be all about kinky sex and hot blooded even when drunk but I know he wouldn¡¯t screw someone in a public bar; especially not her. I don¡¯t even have to think about it. Jake¡¯s whole posture, his anger at what she¡¯s trying to do, and the tension in the room all tell me that I know the truth. I know he wouldn¡¯t have done that to me. She kissed him, pushed herself onto him, and he didn¡¯t stop her right away. He let it happen, for seconds, and then his head snapped into ce; his brain came around, and he pushed her away. I know him better, I know that he didn¡¯t do this to us, I know without question because every part of this unfolding scene is telling me so. I don¡¯t know Marissa at all but even I can see she¡¯s lying, pure, barefaced maniption. ¡°You know who else was there, Marissa? ¡­ Daniel ¡­ and Daniel¡¯s version will undoubtedly match up to what Jake remembers so don¡¯t even try to split us up with your rancid bullshit because yes! I am pregnant and we¡¯re not only buying a house right next door, but Jake¡¯s asked me to marry him more than once. So, please, a guy who is so quick to run off to his ex is surely not going to ask me to marry him and mean it.¡± I rant at her. Enough is enough, it¡¯s time I made a stand, I need to show her exactly how this is going to go. Jake and I are untouchable; some maniptive little bitch full of lies is not going toe between us in this way. I trust him, I know what he¡¯s done, and I am ready topletely forgive him. I¡¯m not going to let some narcissistic trampe between us. All the pain and anger and the weeks of going without sex, not only because of my broken heart but also his guilt, and this slut is at the center of it. Enough is enough. I throw aside my napkin and hoist myself to my feet in sheer fury. ¡°And I say yes ¡­ Yes, fucking yes!¡± I turn to Jake and grab his hand pulling it to my stomach, ready to fight for what is rightfully mine; not about to let some cheap ass fake tramp take it from me. Jake and I have a future to look forward to and a child but holding back and being afraid made all this happen in the first ce. I rejected the world he wanted to give me and hurt him and now I have him back. I¡¯m not going to let some asshole womane between us and get in the way of that. Jake is mine, always mine. Now. Then and forever! ¡°Will you marry me, Jake?¡± I fixate on him with pure sincerity, my heart pounding crazily, every part of me thumping out of my chest with sheer adrenaline, meaning every freakin single word. Jake¡¯s dumbfounded and stalls for a moment before yanking me to him, so I¡¯m facing him full-on, his eyes searching my face in sheer confusion. ¡°I told you I would give you fireworks and a floor show, Emma, but if this is what you want, you know I¡¯d marry you right now. Just say the word and I¡¯ll marry you in a heartbeat.¡± He can¡¯t conceal the sudden soft emotion in his eyes, and it fuels what I¡¯m doing, making my decision concrete. I love him. I need him, and I never want anything or anyone to ever pull us apart again. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°I just want you.¡± I lean up and softly kiss him on the mouth, my eyes filling with emotions and tears, sniffing back the sudden surge of happiness. ¡°You¡¯re pathetic. Both of you. Screw you both!¡± Marissa throws her ss at the wall and storms toward the closed door, spitting venom at us both, sheer hatred, and disgust all over that face. ¡°You¡¯ll wake up one day and look at that miserable icy little bitch you married and think of me, Jake. I was your first love and despite this bullshit show right here, you kissed me, you still want me, and you¡¯re just too hung up on the past to see that.¡± She turns to me with pure malice. ¡°Good luck trying to trust him, Emma. I can assure you he will crawl into my bed repeatedly in years toe because we fit, him and I, we¡¯re the same and it¡¯s only a matter of time before I get him back.¡± ¡°Marissa just get the fuck out.¡± Jake throws her a look that screams leave before I make you leave and turns back to me pulling me into his body a little forcefully. The door ms, but neither of us look her way, too locked in on one another and the fact I just gave myself to himpletely and wholeheartedly. We both exhale almost in unison at the sudden silence of her exiting. The immediate calmness and serenity that washes over the whole room so very quickly now she¡¯s not in it. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, baby. None of what she said is true. I swear, Emma. That¡¯s not what happened.¡± He pushes his forehead to mine and focuses on my mouth, my heart ripping into shreds at the look of devastation on his face. He¡¯s worried, despite my show of unity, that I still doubt him, but I just shake my head. ¡°I believe you, Jake. I know you wouldn¡¯t do that to me.¡± I start to cry again, as I reach up and slowly kiss him on the mouth, tears of relief and maybe even joy. Possibly hormonal; seeing as crying is bing second nature ever since he impregnated me. Jake closes his eyes and kisses me back, deepening it slightly, tongue flicking against mine deliciously, aiding the wounds from the confrontation from hell. He pulls back and runs his fingers through my hair, scooping it behind my ear, focusing those beautiful green calm eyes on me. ¡°I love you more than life, bambino ¡­ I know you said the stuff about marrying me in anger, Emma, to hurt her¡ª¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t!¡± I cut in and cover his mouth with my fingers. My heart soaring at the peace I feel right now. ¡°I mean it, Jake ¡­ You¡¯re my life and I¡¯m done with all this bullshit. I want our baby to be born a Carrero. I¡¯m done being scared ¡­ I love you so much and I forgive you.¡± Chapter 219 Chapter 219 Jake, Sylvana, and Giovanni are locked in the sitting room with a lot of yelling and banging as I sit in the kitchen with Arrick and try not to self-implode. It¡¯s been only minutes since we left the dining room and my nerves arepletely done in. Sitting so tensely my body aches with the effort and I¡¯m on high alert. ¡°Here.¡± He hands me a mug of cocoa and slides into the chair beside me at the kitchen table with a supportive smile. ¡°Thanks.¡± I ept it gratefully, still picking at the te of food he warmed for me, trying to ignore the noise echoing down the hall. All the house staff have retired for the night and the ce is eerily empty. Arrick¡¯s girlfriend is either in his room or gone, so here he is, babysitting me at his brother¡¯s request, because Jake didn¡¯t want me left alone to ponder everything. ¡°I guess I should say wee to my crazy family.¡± He nods casually toward the direction of the noise and I just take a long slow breath. Blowing it out to try to bring some sense of calm to my chaotic inner body, so tired suddenly. ¡°Is this what it¡¯s like? I never really had a real family.¡± I shrug and look down. ¡°It was only my mother and I and she¡¯s not exactly going to win any awards for mom of the year.¡± I sigh a little in detion. ¡°Sometimes it¡¯s like this, especially when Jake and my dad go head to head. They seem to be able to get to each other in the worst way.¡± Arrick smiles and sips his own mug of cocoa carefully. He has Giovanni¡¯s grace and smooth quiet confidence and authoritative quality when he¡¯s sitting like this, contemting things. Mature for his young age. He looks more like Giovanni than Jake does yet somehow there is still enough of Sylvana in there for him to be attractive in a way not too dissimr to Jake, as I used to think. The older he gets the more I see tiny hints that when he fully grows out of his teen years, he may be more Jake Carrero like than Giovanni Carrero. It¡¯s a little odd given his lighter hair and soft brown eyes, although sitting this close I can see he has a lot of green flecks through the color, giving them more of a hazel quality. ¡°What was all that about with your dad?¡± I blink up at him with a face full of confusion trying to work out the motive behind his father¡¯s behavior. Giovanni is one person I¡¯m never going to figure out. ¡°My dad hates Marissa, he always has. mes her for Jake going off the rails when he was younger and screwing his head up, to the degree that he brought the family name shame for a lot of years. My dad doesn¡¯t trust her and loves nothing more than to get a dig in at every opportunity.¡± He watches me closely for a second and then smiles. ¡°He called you Emma at dinner, did you notice?¡± ¡°What?¡± I nce up at him, as he pulls that half-smile that Jake does, the way his eyes light up when he thinks he knows something you haven¡¯t figured out yet, making me well and truly confused. It adds to me feelingfortable with Arrick, because he¡¯s remarkably like his brother when you really stop and dissect him. Strong genes. ¡°My dad ¡­ He¡¯s only ever referred to Marissa as Miss. Hartley or doesn¡¯t use her name at all. It¡¯s kind of his thing. He called you Emma, so he likes you, he sees you as something permanent in Jake¡¯s life and if Jake hadn¡¯t been so busy trying to control that crazy aggressive rage of his then he would¡¯ve noticed it too. It¡¯s almost like dad¡¯s giving his consent.¡± He winks at me and takes another drink. ¡°You¡¯re telling me your dad gave his approval at the same time as causing a massive fight?¡± Iugh at the ridiculousness of it, breaking the tension in my stomach with giggling. ¡°My dad never does anything without reason, Emma. He gave his approval and tried to annihte your competition in one fell swoop to protect his son. I know what Jake thinks of him but believe it or not his intentions were only for Jake. My dad just doesn¡¯t show affections the way we do. He¡¯s a man from another time and lifestyle, back when men didn¡¯t show love or affection openly.¡± He raises an eyebrow and I take a moment to try to analyze this. I remember the mafia rumors a while back about the Carrero family and I wonder if this is what Arrick means. Does Giovanni still have ties to mafia? The thought is a little disconcerting, but it would exin the man¡¯s terrifying demeanor, the quick sharp maniption, and the way he keeps all his cards very close to his chest and no one can ever read him. ¡°How does announcing a house and baby to Marissa get rid of her? She¡¯s still carrying Jake¡¯s kid. She¡¯s still going to be connected to him for an eternity.¡± I scrutinize Arrick¡¯s face with an expression of sheer disbelief. ¡°She¡¯s refusing a DNA test despite my dad informing her that no proof means no rtionship with the Carreros. He doesn¡¯t believe this baby is Jake¡¯s any more than I do. So in a way he was calling her out, showing her, she haspetition with a baby that really is Jake¡¯s.¡± He focuses on me intensely, a hint of a frown and a look ofplete belief in what he¡¯s saying. ¡°Why would she lie, she would obviously be found out eventually?¡± I sigh and push down the fatigue sweeping up my body. My fingertips pressing at my temples to try to dull the throbbing headache growing there. I think all the emotions of that little dinner scene are ying catch up and I really need to goy down. ¡°Marissa has always been maniptive as hell; she used to y Ben and Jake off one another like crazy. She tried with Daniel too, but weirdly he¡¯s the one guy who saw through her shit and kept Jake sane and clear from her for the longest time after, so he could start to move on. The girl is twisted as hell.¡± Arrick shrugs, seemingly well versed in all that is Marissa, giving me more ground to not believe what she said about that night with Jake. ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean she¡¯s lying about that one specific night ¡­ You saw her right? Baby bump! And even Jake remembers waking up in a bed with her.¡± I push my cocoa aside, unable to stomach anything more. I just want to lie down and stop talking about that stupid Demon Bitch. I want Jake toe to bed and hold me tight and forget tonight ever happened. ¡°I don¡¯t know, Emma, it¡¯s just the fact she¡¯s refusing the DNA ¡­ She should want to prove it just to shove it in my dad¡¯s face.¡± ¡°From what I¡¯ve seen she¡¯s stubborn and difficult and is only refusing because she can to be stubborn and difficult.¡± Demon Bitch does not like being told what to do, or ultimatums. The dealings Jake¡¯s had with her so far have only proven that she¡¯s someone who digs in her heels and fights hard, even when it¡¯s futile. ¡°That could be true too, I guess. Look ¡­ I didn¡¯t say this before because Jake swore me to secrecy until my mom knew, but congrattions on the baby, Emma. I really mean it. I know you¡¯re kinda freaked out over the whole thing but Jake¡¯s crazy happy about this. He tells me everything, and from the day you found out he¡¯s been gushing about it non-stop. I know he fucked things up and I¡¯m d you¡¯re giving him a chance to put things right. You¡¯re good for him in so many ways, I¡¯ve never seen him this happy.¡± He smiles and puts an arm around my shoulder giving me a small awkward squeeze before pulling away again. Unlike his brother, Arrick isn¡¯t as handy, touchy-feely as Jake. Every time I¡¯ve seen him with girlfriends he isn¡¯t as publicly affectionate either. He¡¯s more like Giovanni in a reserved, less emotional way. ¡°He¡¯s good for me too ¡­ When he¡¯s not fucking things up.¡± I smile softly, noticing for the first time it doesn¡¯t hurt quite as much to talk about this and mentioning the baby seems a little less scary too. I don¡¯t know when I stopped panicking about the baby and our future, I guess it¡¯s been a gradual thing and my mind is now, hopefully,pletely at peace with both. It feels good to realize it.Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°You belong together and every one of us is rooting for it. You have a whole bunch of Carrero family members talking of nothing else but when Jake going to get his head out of his ass and get you walking down the aisle.¡± I blush and look down at my hands. ¡°After tonight, I¡¯m guessing sooner than you think.¡± I smile and can¡¯t help but let it grow across my face with a sudden rush of certainty that I am doing the right thing. ¡°You finally said yes?¡± He grins at me, a show of enthusiasm and genuine joy. ¡°I did one better ¡­ I asked him to marry me, in an angry loud kind of way, in front of her.¡± I giggle naughtily and then appraise him genuinely. ¡°Funny thing is though, I actually meant it. Something snapped while listening to her and I realized that he¡¯s mine, for now and forever, no matter what happens. Jake¡¯s mine, he always will be and there¡¯s absolutely no reason for me to keep freaking out over all of this in my head anymore. Wasting time and holding back is only making us miserable.¡± I sigh and start picking at my nail varnish, still blushing at this outpouring of my inner emotions and thoughts. Especially with this almost stranger. ¡°You¡¯re going to fit right in with this family, Emma Anderson! Or should I say Carrero ¡­ Emma Carrero, has a nice ring to it.¡± Arrick has a beautiful smile when he¡¯s happy. He has variations of smiles he throws around, like Jake, but this one here, boyish, and genuine, is the prettiest. He has that whole sparkly white Hollywood teeth thing too. ¡°Yeah it kinda does.¡± I giggle again and kiss Arrick on the cheek rather quickly and nervously. ¡°I always wanted a sibling.¡± I smile at him and stand up rather purposefully. I look him over and evaluate my feelings. I¡¯m not awkward around him and I don¡¯t recoil at his touch. Probably because he¡¯s just another version of Jake. But I do have a growing affection for him, having never known what sibling love feels like I can hazard a guess that it feels somewhat like this. ¡°You can tell my fianc¨¦e that I¡¯ve gone to bed. His child is very tiring and having a head on with his psychotic ex took it out of me.¡± I grin and throw him a little wave as I turn on my heel and head toward the stairs. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure when I go interrupt them and tell them his wavering fianc¨¦e is teetering unsteadily up the grand stair all alone and overwhelmed with fatigue he will be racing right along.¡± Arrick¡¯s smiles wickedly, master of manipting his brother, and I can¡¯t help the little giggle that escapes my lips. Arrick is slowly bing my second favorite Carrero. I nce down at my stomach. Okay maybe my third! Chapter 220 Chapter 220 Jake climbs into bed minutes after I do. I¡¯m lying awake staring at the semi-dark ceiling lost in thought when hees in. He strips off, without looking over, and climbs into bed sliding up against me, pulling me into his arm. I can¡¯t help but smile that he dide swiftly along when Arrick intervened on the drama with his father. ¡°I¡¯m awake,¡± I utter quietly, turning toward him so I can face him, melting into his body heat and feeling glorious against him. Its dull in here but not pitch dark so I can see him. ¡°You okay?¡± He leans in and kisses me soundly, mouth molding to mine, hand running up my spine delicately. I can¡¯t help the tingles he ignites or the way my inner thighs tense deliciously at his touch. ¡°Surprisingly fine,¡± I say when we finally break apart. My desire aching to strip off the rest of his clothes and start licking every inch of that taut smooth tattooed skin. I¡¯m starting to forget why we¡¯re not having sex anymore. ¡°Really? We should talk about what happened. I want to know how you¡¯re feeling baby.¡± Jake sounds concerned but with all that flesh on show I¡¯m a little distracted. Maybe fighting with that bitch has upped my adrenaline or maybe those naughty hormones are acting up again but at this very moment I am glued to muscr pecks and a slight masculine scatter of hair at his chest, tickling my nose. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. I run my fingers across Jake¡¯s naked torso and along his body up to his throat slowly. Without saying anything I inch myself up so were eye level and move in for a more seductive kiss, letting my tongue slip into his mouth, moving my body so I mold against his in every way. An inner surge of satisfaction when a hardness starts to grow between us, and he pushes me back. Jake certainly has no problem with getting turned on. I think it¡¯s time we explored the next step to forgiveness. ¡°Emma, we ¡­¡± I silence him with my fingers on his lips. ¡°Jake, I¡¯m ready. Don¡¯t keep this from me anymore please. I need you so badly it hurts.¡± My body is yearning for more and this is the kind of more I need. Somehow facing her, marriage proposals, and eptance of the babying, has kick started a stubbornness in me that we¡¯re going to fix us fully and finally. I move back against him and sense the hesitation rippling through him as he contemtes whether we should do this or not. I don¡¯t give him any choice and slide my hand into the waist band of his boxers, moving down to encircle him with my fingers, feeling that jolt of surprisee through him. He obviously wasn¡¯t expecting me to start forcefully seducing him, so readily, especially after seeing Demon Bitch and everything she said. I push my mouth to his and kiss him as passionately as I can, using my hand to fully arouse him in the best way I can. Jake¡¯s catches me around the throat loosely pushing my face back so he can stare into my eyes in the almost pitch-ck room intensely. Without warning he flips me on my back and is instantly over the top of me caging me in. His arms straining at either side of my head. He leans in and kisses me, slowly and softly, my hands still pleasuring him with even strokes and getting impatient. I bite his lip, nipping it hard enough to get a smile from him before he devours me again. His kiss sends searing pleasure through every nerve ending in my body, notching up the fire within me a hundredfold. Hees down low enough to rub against me and leaves me no choice but to remove my hand from between us. He pushes himself between my legs, now no longer obstructed, opening me up to him fully as he grinds into me seductively. Our bodies connect to match the way our mouths are, passion rising, and Jake is fully immersed in the action. His hands trail over my breasts and downwards. I groan at his touch, at the feelings and sensations I have been crying out for, and now that I¡¯m finally getting what I need, I¡¯m soaring with desire. Passion ignites inside of me, heat pouring through me at an rming rate and I push Jake off me, aggressively with a lot more strength than I knew I was capable of. I flip on top of him so I¡¯m straddling him fully and peel off my nightdress and bra and start grinding down on top of him. His hands slide up my body across my abdomen, fingers grazing and exploring me sexually. Hands itching and aching to trace every part of me that has been denied him and I can feel it in the way he caresses me, biting his lip, eyes locked on me with undiluted lust. He covers my breasts tweaking my nipples with harsh grasps that make me throw my head back and gyrate on top of him a little harder. No shame or embarrassment because this is his body. He¡¯s seen every single inch of me before now, tasted every single piece of me. His hands skim my ribs and move to my hips, pulling me back and forth to get the routine of my grinding into him more fluidly, his hardness below me trying to force its way through the fabric between us. His hands skim upwards ande to a slow halt as they cover my abdomen. Jake¡¯s face changes from sex crazed to frowning in almost a second and every part of that body physically recoils. ¡°Fuck.¡± The instant change in him as his hands drop by his side, catching my legs, lifting me effortlessly off him gently, ¡°Emma, I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°What?¡± I don¡¯t understand. My body is brimming with desire and longing. I¡¯m seconds away from self- combusting and he¡¯s putting the brakes on?! He sits up so his back is turned slightly toward me. What the hell, Jake? ¡°I can¡¯t do this! Shit!¡± Jake slides away and gets out of bed, adjusting himself in his boxers, walking off toward the en suite at a fast pace. ¡°Jake what the hell?!¡± I snap after him, suddenly self-conscious, hauling the bed sheets over my naked upper half, the shame of rejection coursing through me. A sob hits my throat as I¡¯m filled with self-doubt but Jake spins at the bathroom door. ¡°It¡¯s the baby, Emma ¡­ As soon as I touched your stomach it¡¯s all I could think about and the fact I¡¯d be fucking you while it was in there. It¡¯s weird. Not to mention it can¡¯t be safe!¡± He sounds angry, and tense, and annoyed at himself mostly. He switches on the bathroom light and flops back against the door frame, running an agitated hand through his hair, lookingpletely devastated. I just gape at him in shock. ¡°You¡¯re kidding, right? You haven¡¯t touched me in a month and now you don¡¯t actually want to because I¡¯m pregnant?¡± I can¡¯t contain the hurt in my voice, or theplete disbelief and he stalks back to me immediately. ¡°Jesus, Emma. I want to have sex with you right now so bad, I just can¡¯t.¡± He holds up despairing hands, that perfect muscr body so ripe to be devoured by me yet denying me of what I really want, what I need. The anger inside of me spikes. ¡°Yes, you can.¡± I grab his hand and haul it back to my breast, forcing him to cup it loosely, but he makes no effort to try and lets his arm flop back down. No effort whatsoever. ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± he repeats in detion, eyes downcast, and he looks miserable. Well that makes two of us! ¡°I¡¯m sure pregnant women have sex every day, Jake. You¡¯re being ridiculous. It¡¯s not in the same ce and it¡¯s sure as hell not going to hurt something that¡¯s barely the size of a bean right now.¡± I pout, close to frustrated tears and burning up with need, almost painfully. That inner crazy hormonal me, being denied sex, is back with a vengeance. Jake leans in and kisses my temple slowly and surely. He¡¯s trying to smooth my ruffled feathers and balm my feelings but it¡¯s not going to work. ¡°I can¡¯t touch you until we see your doctor, Emma, and hear it straight from her. All I can think about right now is how much I just can¡¯t.¡± He frowns at me apologetically and tries to embrace me with a soft cuddle instead. I pick up the cushion from the bed and shove it into his chest angrily, so he moves away. ¡°You¡¯re an ass,¡± I snap, sexual frustration hitting me hard, aware of howpletely unreasonable I¡¯m being. I don¡¯t care though. I feel like after everything this is like getting a massive p in the face. I want him, I need him in that way, and he isn¡¯t even trying to give it to me. ¡°Jesus, stroppy. Hormones so bad you¡¯re that pissed at me right now?¡± He tries to sound jokey and lighthearted, but I just scowl at him. ¡°You have no fucking idea!¡± I turn away angrily, throwing myself down on the bed, slinging an arm across my face inplete frustration. Jake stills on the bed for a moment then he slides off and saunters over to turn off the bathroom light. Probably trying to figure out how to make this up to me without any fucking sex! Un-goddamn believable. A whole month of nothing and now I¡¯m offering it on a te and he just can¡¯t?! Where the hell is the sex-crazed Jake that I¡¯m crazy over?! He slides into bed while I try to get my crazy mood under control, disappointment surging through me at an rming rate. ¡°Did we really get engaged tonight, Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s husky voicees close in the dark and my anger dissipates a little at his question. I sigh and push the traces of my mood deep down. He¡¯s trying misdirection. His favorite maneuver. I guess he¡¯s good at it because it¡¯s working. I blow out an agitated breath and slide my arm down, so I can stare at the ceiling for a few agonizing minutes to calm down. I can¡¯t be mad at him over this. ¡°I know it wasn¡¯t exactly some romantic blow your mind moment, but I meant it. Something inside of me just stopped running and decided to stand and fight ¡­ To fight for you.¡± I turn on my side and watch him in the dark. His handes to trail down my shoulder and arm, slowly and tenderly. I flinch because my skin is still burning with desire and his touch isn¡¯t exactly helping right now, but I stay where I am and don¡¯t pull away. ¡°You know it was probably the best moment of my life, but I still want to ask you properly, Emma ¡­ Can I do that? My way? I don¡¯t know, somehow, it just doesn¡¯t feel official.¡± He¡¯s watching his fingers trail my skin hypnotically. I can¡¯t help but give up on the rest of my anger when watching him. So still and beautiful and wholly irresistible, with that little boy lost look, asking me for permission. I sigh. ¡°You mean fireworks and a floor show?¡± I smirk, reaching out to run my nails across his chest lightly, the ache to have his body still coursing through me despite knowing there is nothing I can do about it. ¡°You¡¯d expect nothing less from Jake Carrero CEO,mandeering, bossy, cocky, asshole! I need to put a ring on your finger anyway, might as well make the most of the moment I do.¡± He beams at me and I know I¡¯mpletely beaten. Something changed within me tonight, some shift of the axis, some inner defining moment that I¡¯m still not sure of but I know one thing, this is it for me. No matter what he did, it doesn¡¯t matter anymore. I know he¡¯ll never hurt me like that again and I need to stop hurting him. We have done this to each other and it¡¯s time to stop. We have someone else to think about now and it¡¯s growing inside of me, slowly but surely, already starting to affect our life and rtionship with its mere presence. Our rtionship has changed somehow, no more sexy games or misunderstandings, no more pandering around what we meant or felt. We are growing as a couple. The other stuff wille back naturally. Maybe he really does just need that piece of mind that he won¡¯t harm our child. I can¡¯t exactly be mad at the gentle caring protective side of Jake that most people don¡¯t even know exists. How can I stay angry when at the heart of his inability to touch me is love for our unborn child? I sigh and cuddle closer, resigning myself to the idea of this being temporary. He better damn well give me some crazy, hot, kinky sex as soon as someone puts his mind at ease. Chapter 221 Chapter 221 We¡¯re walking hand in hand, fingers entangled, along the sunny pavement in the crisp morning air toward the house Jake wants to buy. It¡¯s almost a replica of the Carrero family home, yet instead of warm sandy brown roughing on the outside it¡¯s brilliant white with palm trees gracing the front of the manicuredwn in an arc, it¡¯s beyond gorgeous and postcard picture perfect. Two storeys high with modern clean lines andrge windows under a sloped tiled roof. It looks so much bigger than the Carrero family home because of the bright colors and straight manicured lines of the surroundingwns. It¡¯s neat and modern looking in contrast to the flower beds and bushes of Sylvana¡¯s gardens. It reminds me of Jake¡¯s apartment in small ways. His neat masculine style and bold edgy taste but somehow this has a much homelier quality and a long sweeping drive up to a very beautiful, dark wood, grand front door. The agent meets us at the open door, a man in histe 30s sporting a side parting, with smoothed back hair and expensive suit. He ushers us inside proficiently with a huge grin. He has a tall slim frame and very cheesy smile with wandering eyes as I approach behind Jake, still being pulled by that possessive hand. ¡°It¡¯s a nk canvas to put your stamp on.¡± The man beams at us, leading the way through the white marble, neutrally painted hall, identical to Sylvana¡¯s, to a modern ck granite kitchen with white units and steel appliances. He sweeps an arm around the expanse as though encouraging us to look around. ¡°That¡¯s what we want ideally, a ce to mold into our own.¡± Jake¡¯s eyes flick to me with a smile then walks forward to properly look around the kitchen, letting me go so I can stand and admire it all. He likes to cook, asionally, and I can imagine him in here making pancakes on a Sunday morning for me like he normally does. The thought warms me through my stomach, and it rises to my cheeks. I can see Jake happy in this room, it¡¯s his kind of taste, enough modern and high-tech to satisfy him yet still warm and weing into the heart of the home. I can imagine small chubby legged children sitting around the long low table near the huge wall of patio doors looking out into a massive manicured garden with an outdoor pool. In the distance, there is an outdoor garage in the same gleaming white and a row of steel doors, suggesting he could fit a lot of cars in there. I have no idea how many cars Jake owns seeing as he keeps them all over the ce; his apartmentplex, the Carrero business buildings, parking under the apartment, and I know he has a car here as well at his mother¡¯s home. ¡°Any chance we can do a walk around alone first?¡± Jake throws back to the agent who is standing close to me, smiling a little too charmingly. The normal urge to recoil at his attention has been reced with an empty ignorance and lifted chin. I find his interest in me more of an irritation that an outright sense of repulsion. You have no chance; you don¡¯tpare to Jake in any way. I catch Jake frowning in that I¡¯ll beat you re now that he¡¯s spotted where Mr. Agent¡¯s attention is ced, and I smile at my jealous boy with adoration. Some things never change. ¡°Yes of course. I¡¯ll wait right here if you want to wander. The owners are away for a few days and all the staff are non-residential. The ce ispletely empty so feel free.¡± He beams and steps away when Jakees back to my side, slipping his fingers into mine, leading the way with another unfriendly re in the man¡¯s direction as heys his im to me deliberately. ¡°Asshole,¡± he mutters under his breath as we move back out into the hall away from the agent and I stifle the urge to giggle. ¡°Really, Jake? Are you always going to be brow beating other men just for looking at me?¡± I slide my other hand around his arm and pull myself against him as we walk. ¡°Yes.¡± He replies non-apologetically and I shake my head at him. At least he¡¯s honest. I guess never having to deal with jealousy in his life means he has no clue how to notch it down. I sigh affectionately as he leads me through the downstairs rooms. Theyout is almost identical to next door. Large spacious lounge, big open formal lounge, both with huge windows and great fireces dominating one wall, both decorated in neutrals and wooden flooring. Downstairs holds a couple of offices or study rooms depending on what use you have for them and a separate utility room; tucked far along the long corridor through the long corridor. There are a couple of small bedrooms possibly for house staff and each has their own en suite. He pulls me back along therge hall and upstairs we find more of the sameyout as the Carrero house; more than half a dozenrge bedrooms with en suites and equally fabulous neutral d¨¦cor. The house is grand and airy. It¡¯s more than big enough to house a veryrge family, there¡¯s so much space, rooms with walk-in closets and little nooks here and there. It¡¯s everything you would ever need even if you nned on adopting a football team. ¡°What do you think?¡± Jake asks, turning to me in thest room of the house, another vast bedroom. This one housing an en suite withrge jacuzzi and gorgeous view of the distant ocean. Through full- length ss doors, I can see there is a little private balcony. ¡°The house is huge, Jake. I mean I knew your parents¡¯ house was big, but I¡¯ve never actually had the tour. This is more rooms than we¡¯ll ever need.¡± I blink around at the sheer size of this one room. Sarah¡¯s whole apartment in Queens could fit into this one room and it¡¯s a little overwhelming, if not slightly intimidating, to say the least. ¡°I¡¯m sure we could upy most of them.¡± He smirks and runs a hand over my abdomen with his t palm and I gape at him inplete horror. He giggles at my reaction, giggles, yet I¡¯m still standing open-mouthed in shock that he might intend on having an army of kids. Right now, I¡¯m on one and one is almost just bearable for now. ¡°It¡¯s a house to grow into, Emma, and enough rooms for people toe stay over. I¡¯m sure moving out here would mean Sarah and Marcus would want toe and see you asionally. Plus, Le lives in the city and even though her folks are nearby I¡¯m sure she¡¯d want to kick back here when she visits. Daniel too. I¡¯d rather buy a house that has space to expand than up and move again down the line when we decide on more kids.¡± He¡¯s let me go, walking around the room, looking at the space pulling open a door onto a full walk-in closet as part of me jumps up and down inside with a happy dance which urges my feet toward the walk-in. I quell the urge to be swayed over by a momentous wardrobe. Oh, my God it has a built-in vanity and make-up lighting. So weak, Emma ¡­ But look at how many shoes I could fit in here. ¡°More kids? Let me get my head around this one Jake ¡­ One right now!¡± I frown at him sternly, trying very hard to pull my head out of the vast space for lots of clothes and shoes and wonderful essories. He turns and walks back to me, cing his hands on my shoulders and looks me directly in the eye. ¡°Do you want this house, Emma?¡± He¡¯s deadly serious, his intense focus doesn¡¯t falter. I bite on my lip and look past his numbing gaze, around the room we¡¯re standing in, at the huge four poster bed and modern sleek furniture, plush carpets and heavy drapes framing the most magnificent view I have ever seen. It¡¯s more than a little tempting if I can get my head around how much a house like this would cost. ¡°I could see you living here, it¡¯s totally your style.¡± I sigh, trying not to think about the price tag attached to this vast amount of space. ¡°Could you see you living here?¡± He nudges me gently with a small half-smile on the corner of his mouth. His face utterly devastating with that twinkle in his eye. He¡¯s going all ¡®Charming Carrero¡¯ on me and my knees are already weakening. God don¡¯t do irresistibly cute right now. ¡°If it was made a little homelier? Maybe less modern and harsh? I love the view.¡± I know I¡¯m being evasive, part of me is thumping about like a maniac getting ready to jump into full panic mode. This is the forever house. The big leap. The ¡®letting myself go and fully trusting Jake to take care of things¡¯ house. Letting him go ahead and spend ridiculous amounts of money on ¡®our¡¯ house. I take a slow heavy inhale. He still hasn¡¯t uttered a word. He¡¯s just watching me with his intense green gaze, boring deep down into my soul. My mind whirring and clicking, trying to stay sane; life with Jake is always going to include money. Life with Jake is always going to include trusting him to take control because he doesn¡¯t know who else or how else to be. I just need to learn to give in a little and enjoy that about him. I need to just trust him to always do what is right for us and let him make me happy. I need to relinquish that part of me scared of a new life and just have faith. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°On one condition.¡± I finally blink at him and resign myself to the fact that I need to be brave for once. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± He smiles softly, eyes glued to my face with a little smug hint of triumph that I¡¯m trying to ignore. ¡°I choose the d¨¦cor,¡± I respond boldly, and he throws me the widest happy grin I¡¯ve ever seen, nting a kiss fully on my mouth in an over eager fashion before picking me up into a crazy round swing. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t have it any other way, baby.¡± Chapter 222 Chapter 222 ¡°So, when do you move in?¡± Le lounges across the bed in Jake¡¯s old bedroom and takes a grape from the tter of food between us; snacks and sandwiches including lots of fruit, courtesy of Mamma Carrero and her constant care. Sylvana is the perfect host and she¡¯s been doting over me when the house is empty during the week, when the men are at work or doing whatever the Carrero men do when not glued to their women folk. She enjoys mypany and Le has flown to see me when I finally drummed up the courage to tell her about the baby. To say she was ecstatic is an understatement and the five-foot teddy bear suspended on helium balloons, in the middle of the bedroom floor over the massive hamper of baby products, was her arriving gift, humped in by two very good-looking men. It¡¯s been four days since the house viewing and Jake had to go into the city to oversee some business details and deal with the house sale. He¡¯s been gone two days and already it feels like an eternity without him here. Still not able to fly and still getting car sick means Jake has put me on a travel ban for the time being and now I¡¯m stuck here living in his old bedroom in the Carrero family home and twiddling my thumbs in boredom. ¡°I think Jake¡¯s pushing for a quick sale. He has hiswyers tying things up already and I know the Wilsons were ecstatic about him being interested in the house.¡± I imagine that Giovanni is applying pressure to his golfing partner to ensure his son seals the deal and ording to Arrick, Sylvana having us next door will make her year. I have given up on contemting my job and career for the time being but it¡¯s not something I am going to give up onpletely just to live the life of a kept woman. I intend to figure that out in time, but for now being pregnant and just enjoying being pampered no longer makes me feel guilty at all. Finally resigning myself to the fact that this lifestyle is a part of being with him. My phone lights up across the bed and I reach over, grabbing it to me impulsively. Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift. I start grinning and Le shakes her head at me. She knows the face that implies Jake has texted me, obvious glee because I miss him so much and have been acting like a teen girl with a mega crush the last few days. His back to back meetings means he has only been able to text through the day and not call me much at all. I flick it open, and smile again, unable to conceal my joy and the way my heart gets all warm and gooey and tingly. Jake Carrero has sent you¨CAvril Lavigne ¡°I Miss You¡±. I chew on my lip as I waiver over whether I should reply with a song which once broke my heart or scroll for a new one. Maybe it¡¯s time to make that song mean something else to us now; take away the pain I feel anytime I hear it on the radio or in passing. I push down the doubt with a slow inhale and send it on its way to him. You have sent Jake Carrero¨CAvril Lavigne ¡°When You¡¯re Gone¡± Attached message ¨C Erasing the past. Remember? E xx I stare at the screen of my phone as my ¡®gift¡¯ slips away across the inter web to my awaiting love, hoping he remembers it. The special song I once sent in hopes of him figuring out how I felt and instead rejected me, and the words attached are his words at a new beginning so long ago. Le ispletely immersed in a magazine, while I¡¯m focused on the love of my life, amusing herself while I¡¯m distracted. Surprisingly patient for such a little firebomb of energy. My phone shes with a text and this time it¡¯s a message instead of a song and again I can¡¯t stop that heart fluttering gooey response in me. I¡¯ll never let you go baby. I¡¯ll never let you walk away either. I would never be stupid enough to ever go down that route again. The past doesn¡¯t matter, only what the future holds. I love you xxx. J My heart aches with his response and a tear catches in my throat. My Jake with his fast words that always sing to me, so in tune with everything I need to hear. I reply with a text and a song, a twinkling little smile stuck clearly on my face. Avril Lavigne ¡°Keep Holding On¡± ¡­ I love you more xxx¡± ¡°You two are sickeningly cute you know?¡± Le is watching the obvious happiness spread on my face, thanks to Jake¡¯s messages, and seems a little forlorn where love is concerned. I feel guilty for ignoring her and pull myself up to move closer to her, putting my phone face down on the bed so it won¡¯t distract me if he replies. ¡°Jake and his pushy one hundred mile an hour self.¡± Le giggles, bringing us back to the conversation about the house and a quick sale now she has my full attention, she pops another grape into her mouth. I beam as I think of him. I wouldn¡¯t change him anymore; not even that part of him now I know where it stems from. Jake is always going to be pushy, bossy, and sometimes domineering but I¡¯m sure I have traits that are equally bad and I¡¯m learning how to counteract him in my own way. I love him regardless and sometimes I even love those things about him. ¡°Pushy, impulsive and spontaneous while I¡¯m cautious, over aware and over analyze.¡± I sigh and reach for a piece of fruit to pick at despite being full to bursting already. ¡°Perfect bnce, babes ¡­ You need each other to even things out.¡± Le grins at me knowingly, all hints of sadness now gone from that pretty face. I push more grapes in my own mouth and smile at her observation. I never thought of it that way. ¡°What about Daniel? Any word on that front?¡± Since Hunter started therapy he¡¯s been keeping out of the way, only calling Jake every couple of days, and Le hasn¡¯t mentioned him at all since her arrival earlier. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°One text ¡­ Telling me he was trying to figure things out and to give him time.¡± Le shrugs and rolls on her back, avoiding my eye contact suddenly. ¡°I told him I met someone else, so to push off.¡± She adds quickly and avoids even looking at me, lifting the magazine above her face as though she¡¯s trying to read in that position. ¡°What? Why?¡± I sit upright a little too quickly, upsetting the tray on theforter, sending grapes rolling everywhere, and eye her usingly. She shrugs and pastes on the defiant furrow of her brows that I can still see clearly even from this angle. ¡°I told you I¡¯m done waiting for him, yeah, he¡¯s finally in therapy ¡­ Bravo. But for how long? And how long before he doesn¡¯t run a mile at any hint of real affection, Emma?¡± Le sits up with a single tear in her eye. ¡°He hurt me for thest time. Really hurt me. Why would I sit around waiting for something that may never actually happen? Therapy is a start, but it doesn¡¯t mean it will actually change much.¡± I must admit I didn¡¯t see thising at all. She has waited so long for some sort of real emotion from the guy and now he¡¯s doing something about it, she¡¯s running the other way. I can¡¯t help but wonder if Le is now scared about the change in him and the possibility of more. ¡°I think he loves you, Le ¡­ He¡¯s doing this for you,¡± I try, but that stubborn lift of her chin and hardening of her soft face shuts me up. ¡°He should be doing it for himself. I don¡¯t want that pressure.¡± A tear rolls down her cheek and she brushes it away with an angry jut to her bottom lip. Inner Le always fighting toe out and push him away, pushing away the memory of heartbreak and any weakness concerning Daniel. ¡°Is there really someone else?¡± I push in a new direction. I know how she can be; the more you pry, the higher that defensive wall kicks in, Le really doesn¡¯t do victim at all. In fact, she rarely does any sort of weakness. ¡°Kurt Robson ¡­ He¡¯s followed me around for years. He¡¯s like a little puppy dog always trying to get my attention and I figure maybe it¡¯s time to let him try. He¡¯d never hurt me. He¡¯s safe and gentle and kind and hepletely dotes on me.¡± She can¡¯t look me in the eye at all and I feel utter sadness for her. She¡¯s running to safety, running to a man she doesn¡¯t love, because he can¡¯t and never will hurt her. ¡°How do you feel about him?¡± I reach out and touch her fingers when I see that distant daydreamy look in her eye as her head gets lost in thought. No doubt thinking about the one man she¡¯s refusing to give any sort of chance to. Oh, Le! ¡°I¡¯ll learn to love him. I mean he¡¯s sweet, handsome and funny. He treats me nicely and he never drops me like I¡¯m some infectious disease, he doesn¡¯t care about my past. He¡¯s calm and straightforward with no wild tendencies, the exact opposite to Daniel. It¡¯s what I need.¡± She swallows down the surge of emotion and pastes a bright smile on her face. Her eyes betray what¡¯sing out of her mouth, but I let it go. An overwhelming sadness hits me in my stomach and can¡¯t stop the moisture hitting my eyes. Here is a girlpletely in love with a man who ispletely in love with her and yet neither can get it together and just be happy. Daniel is what Le needs. Safe, dull, and kind will onlyst so long. She needs someone as hot and fiery as her to match her every mood and handle her at her worst. She needs someone who will stand up to her bullshit and sweep her off her feet; someone who keeps life fun and interesting and is just as impulsively wild as her. She needs a man who can embrace her wild side and not want to tame it, someone who won¡¯t let that pushy side of Le dominate him and knows exactly how to handle her. She needs Hunter. Yet she¡¯s too damn scared to let him hurt her again. I get that lump in my throat and think of Jake. I¡¯ll go out of my way to do anything to make sure we never go back there. I¡¯ll never let us drift apart again. It¡¯s the most heart-breaking thing I¡¯ve ever witnessed. Chapter 223 Chapter 223 ¡°Enough about that asshole ¡­ Have you heard anything more about that god-awful psycho slut?¡± Le blinks at me and I know immediately that she means Marissa. The images that brassy whore conjures up in my head from the dining room experience make me bristle in hate. ¡°Surprisingly not. She¡¯s been lying low and hiding out since that little scene. Jake keeps expecting some sort of backsh like a refusal to let him see the kid after it¡¯s born or something equally vindictive. He says silence is never good with her and I get the sense he¡¯s on tenterhooks about it.¡± I try for nonchnt and just sound snooty. Le grins at me, seeing through my attempts at mature and disconnected. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s always been a devious whore with a calcted mind ¡­ Watch that one, Emma. She¡¯s got absolutely no scruples; money, looks and entitlement have made for a very deathly spoiled bitch. Barbie with a shotgun and a hunger for blood.¡± Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. Iugh at Le¡¯s description and sigh, lounging back to pick up thest of the grapes we retrieved from the bed. That pang of pain at the mere mention of her. Even though I forgave him I still find myself pondering it all and it can still hurt me when I let it. ¡°Still no sex?¡± Le butts into my morose demeanor. I sigh extra loudly, shaking my head and rolling my eyes in frustration, flopping back against the cushions on the bed beside her feet. ¡°Jake literally can¡¯t muster up the ability to do it, anytime we get close he just has images of impaling a baby¡¯s head or other such nonsense about guilt or making me miscarry. You know what he¡¯s like about being forting with his insecurities ¡­ pretends that he¡¯s got none. He¡¯spletely freaking out about it and no amount of reassurance from the doctor has changed that. He¡¯s treating me like fine china and if I so much as dare to move an inch he¡¯s all over me asking me what I need or if I want to lay down or if I should even be moving around. He¡¯s suffocating me with over protectiveness and to be frank, I feel like strangling him to death.¡± I let it all out in a gush then grin at the hrity of it all; it appears yboy Casanova Carrero has done a massive U turn. Le bursts into hystericalughter and falls sideways on the bed unable to control herself. ¡°Oh, my God.¡± She wheezes trying to gain control. ¡°Who knew hot stud Carrero would literally go celibate and turn into such a fish wife?¡± She bursts into another fit of giggles and I hit her with a cushion. ¡°It¡¯s not funny! Sex happens to be one of his most defining qualities.¡± Iugh and throw another cushion when tears start pouring down her face, uncontrobleughter bubbles forth from that petite little blonde. ¡°It¡¯s kinda cute though.¡± She chokes, trying to get theughter under control, hugging her ribs. ¡°I mean he obviously loves his baby so much already that it¡¯s messing with his head as much as you do, Emma.¡± She wipes her eyes and throws one of the cushions back at me. I can¡¯t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth it gives me and try to ignore the niggle of guilt I get when I think of Marissa¡¯s baby. ¡°But what do I do about it? He says it¡¯s partly to do with forgiving himself. But my hormones are crazy bad! I¡¯m literally thinking of slipping Viagra in his coffee and raping him in his sleep!¡± I huff and flop back dejectedly. The inner frustration from aching for sextely has brought back touchy and grouchy Emma. I need more than cuddles and caresses. Jake has shown me a whole world of kinky sexual fulfillment and I need that back too.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t need to. Jake has that sleep thing ¡­ Ummm sexo ¡­ something.¡± Le points out distractedly while thumbing through the magazine still on the bed. ¡°Sexsomnia!¡± I sit upright remembering our conversation in Chicago a while ago. He initiates sex while sleeping if he¡¯s overly stressed. ¡°Yeah, get him stressed to the max then make the moves on him in the middle of the night and he¡¯ll do the rest. If he does it once he¡¯ll see, there¡¯s no danger.¡± Leughs but I sigh and shake my head at her. ¡°I couldn¡¯t do that, it¡¯s too sordid and seems like I¡¯d be taking advantage of him. He wouldn¡¯t be happy about it and I couldn¡¯t do it. It would be wrong on so many levels.¡± I can just imagine the amount of pissed off I would get from Jake if he thought he¡¯d done the deed while not being aware of it. The anger at not being able to protect me from himself and anger at me for deliberately pushing him to do it. I know only too well how that head works. ¡°So? You just need to pull out all the stops and seduce him. Push out those crazy fears and doubts by whirling him into a lust fueled frenzy he has no control over. You seemed to be more than capable of that before all this.¡± Le winks across at me with a smirk. I think about what she¡¯s saying for a long moment and smile. ¡°You¡¯repletely right. I¡¯ve got so used to Jake running after me, pandering to my every need, and still basically kissing ass to make up for things, that I haven¡¯t once thought about turning on the sex myself.¡± I have spent weeks being heartbroken and moody at having a version of Jake I¡¯m not used to, pampering my every mood and I haven¡¯t even thought about unleashing my own powers of persuasion. The Emma from our games and Emma from the night in this very house dressed in sexy lingerie and tight dresses that drove him wild. Emma who knew how to push Jake¡¯s buttons. I need to up the game and remind him of just how much he wanted me. Where is that, Emma? She has been mourning and sulking, hiding herself for fear of letting him back in and now she has no reason not to. She wants him back in, needs him, and she sure as hell is going to show him that¡¯s what he needs too. I¡¯ll be damned if I spend the entirety of this pregnancy as a sex starved, hormonal, crazy, bitch with serious sexual frustration. I am sure as hell going to get Jake back to how he was when I had no baby bump on show and could make the most of sexy lingerie and kinky fun. He doesn¡¯t know what is about to hit him. I am going to seduce Jake Carrero and sweep him off his feet this time! I need that man back, the one who drove me crazy with lust and wasn¡¯t afraid to have sex in manypromising positions in various locations. He made me feel desired and sexy. ¡°You know you¡¯vepletely ruined one of New York¡¯s most eligible bachelors now?¡± Le eyes me up with a mischievous smile. ¡°How so?¡± I smile at her, furrowing my brow. ¡°Workaholic, jet-setting man-whore, a seriousmitment-phobe with an adrenaline junkie lifestyle. Now he¡¯s a doting fianc¨¦e with baby on the way, buying houses, avoiding work and dangerous hobbies like the gue. You know even if you left him now Emma, he wouldn¡¯t know what to do with himself. His old life has no appeal anymore, it wouldn¡¯t satisfy him the way it once did. Irreversible damage little one. I¡¯m so proud of you.¡± She grins and squeezes the ankle of my outstretched foot, affectionately, and I can only smile back at Le¡¯s always refreshing view from the outside. ¡°I guess you¡¯re right.¡± I ponder her words and gaze at myp. Is that what happened to me too? Is this why going back to the Carrero Corporation no longer holds appeal or any sort of tug? That girl was so focused on her job as an assistant because it was what she needed. Focus and control and details to oversee, a distraction from her own life and pain. She liked to immerse herself in someone else¡¯s realities and needs, it helped her push down any sort of emotion needed to connect to a life. She had no life. Now I¡¯m struggling to go back because it no longer satisfies me or appeals in any way, because Jake changed me too. Irreversible damage! And if he left me now, I could never go back to who I was either. That life is so far in my past that it¡¯s no longer connected to me in any way. The girl I was no longer resembles the woman I have be. I need a new tomorrow, a new purpose and focus in life, I need a new job. Sylvana watches me over the rim of her coffee mug as I eat breakfast. Jake is due back today and I¡¯m starting to get serious withdrawals over his absence. The only good thing about him being gone for three whole days is that I seem to have built a bond with Sylvana: a lot of time together this past couple of days while chatting about everything and nothing. I¡¯m morefortable in this women¡¯s presence than I ever was in my own mother¡¯s. She has a gentle way about her that makes you rx and never judges you at all. ¡°You look so much better today, miele. So much more color in your face than the day you arrived with Jake.¡± She regards me with an affectionate warmth in her eye. ¡°I don¡¯t feel as bad. The nausea is getting better and I¡¯m not so tired and emotional anymore. I think my body is settling with the hormones.¡± I drink my own cup of cocoa and nestle my feet under myself on the couch beside her. ¡°It¡¯s that Carrero blood, Jake especially, was a trying pregnancy. I was so up and down in the beginning and so very tired. It could be a sign you¡¯re carrying another hot tempered, Italiano ¡­¡± She smiles, cing a hand on my knee for a moment and squeezing gently, ¡°¡­a mini hurricane.¡± The sheer pride in her statement has me smiling too. I can imagine Jake must¡¯ve been a handful as a child. He¡¯s a handful as an adult and that¡¯s with maturing. I can¡¯t imagine what his offspring are going to be like. ¡°Sometimes it doesn¡¯t seem real and then other times it¡¯s so real I find myself panicking.¡± I sigh and realize at this moment it¡¯s heading toward thetter. I¡¯m a little breathless at the thought of a junior Jake giving me a good run around as a mother. ¡°You¡¯ll be fine. Jake will be a doting father as much as he will be a doting husband. You¡¯re lucky to have such a strong rtionship to work with; a strong man who isn¡¯t afraid to show the world he loves you.¡± She smiles my way dreamily, a twinkle in her eye at the obvious adoration of her child. We¡¯re sitting in the cozy lounge, the one reserved for family, and have a cheesy romance movie on the big screen. She had the breakfast served in here this morning, bagels, and cream cheese, and we¡¯re both sat in our fluffy robes curled up in the warmth of the quiet cozy room. ¡°Yes, he does. I didn¡¯t think I would ever be here. There was a time I really believed Jake never saw anything other than a friend.¡± I sigh at the memory; it seems like light years ago that I was that closed- off version of myself getting Jake¡¯s inner thoughts so very wrong. ¡°Jake always was a little lost when it came to his feelings and verbalizing them. He had a bad time with that Marissa, and it caused him to be a little overprotective of his heart. He had no defenses for you though. I still remember himing to me so broken-hearted because he sent you away from his office, thinking he could never live up to what he thought you wanted him to be or ever had a chance at gaining your love.¡± For a moment, she¡¯s so pained that I get tearful. The thought of Jake so hurt brings tears to my eyes and a deep ache to my heart. Chapter 224 Chapter 224 ¡°Please don¡¯t. I can¡¯t bear to think of Jake that way, knowing we were both hurting and both too stupid to just be honest with each other. If we¡¯d been honest after we did get together then the mess with Marissa would¡¯ve never happened.¡± I sigh,ying my cup down on the low table in front of us. ¡°Honesty is very important ¡­ as ismunication, and still cherishing one another even after the first throws of passion and excitement have died.¡± Sylvana focuses on me very seriously. ¡°I know from first- hand experience that marriages can stray if you don¡¯t keep a focus on what you mean to one another and if you stop telling each other how you really feel.¡± She pats me again and I get the impression she¡¯s talking about Giovanni¡¯s affair. I have no idea what to say, or ask, or even let on that I know what she¡¯s talking about. It¡¯s too forward to say a word so I say nothing at all. Sylvana doesn¡¯t seem to notice my awkward silence, more intent on carrying on. ¡°Giovanni had an affair with a woman I¡¯d thought my friend.¡± She states rather factually. No flicker of emotion at all whichpletely surprises me. ¡°We grew apart, no time for one another anymore and sadly we¡¯d forgotten to still love and cherish one another. He found sce in another¡¯s arms.¡± She sighs at the memory. ¡°Oh, Sylvana, I don¡¯t know if I could ever forgive Jake for more than a kiss, I can¡¯t imagine.¡± The tears start brimming in my eyes as I try not to think of the pain she must¡¯ve endured. How much that would destroy me if I had been in her shoes, a kiss was hard enough to forgive. ¡°In a way, it saved our marriage. We¡¯d grown so distant with one another and this brought emotion and pain to the surface. I realized by the depth of my heartbreak that I still loved him and by seeing me so heartbroken he realized he still loved me. The guilt pained him so much that it brought us back together, eventually, and now we¡¯re stronger than we ever were. The same will be said of you and Jake over this nonsense with that girl.¡± She seemspletely un-phased by this revtion about her marriage, yet I¡¯m so gob smacked that she could¡¯ve ever forgive something so utterly destructive. The thought of her husband having full-on sex with someone else doesn¡¯t even seem to flicker across her face. ¡°What happened with her? The other woman?¡± I sigh at the thought of an affair, heart wrenched for this woman I adore so very much. ¡°I¡¯m sure Jake told you that it was Daniel¡¯s mother? I know Jake tells you everything, miele. It¡¯s okay. Unfortunately, his rtionship with his father is very strained because of it and I know Jake believes that Giovanni had more affairs, but I know the truth. Giovanni cut that woman from his life and has never had another dealing with her.¡± Her expression holds only conviction and I really believe her. I nod rather than deny the fact, sure in the idea that she won¡¯t really be upset about my having prior knowledge. I nod to show I¡¯m listening because I don¡¯t really have any actual words to say; nod to agree that Jake really does believe his father is some sort of womanizing man-whore and still despises him for it ¡­ Ironically. Whatever she took my nod to mean I hope I covered all bases. ¡°Jake was already bing more than a handful. He¡¯d gone off the rails, with that hot blood and impulsive nature of his meeting teen hormones and then a broken heart, and Giovanni was having a very difficult time reeling him in. Jacob has always been a very big handful to deal with.¡± She smiles affectionately for a second, crinkling her nose with a sigh. ¡°He had a chip on his shoulder about trust and love, so finding out his father hurt me that way sort of sealed his fate. Jake has never trusted him since and he¡¯s so very stubborn, like his father, that he wouldn¡¯t listen to reason.¡± Sylvana looks so sad and broken over the fact her son and husband are still at odds over something she herself has long forgiven. ¡°Maybe if he knew the finer details of the affair and knew for sure his father never did it again ¡­ or even why he did?¡± I offer, trying to find a way to help. Really wanting my beloved to find a way to mend bridges with his dad. ¡°I¡¯ve told Jake all of this. He even knows that the women in his father¡¯s employment are blonde and blue-eyed because I made him promise never to have another woman who resembled me close to him again. Marianne Hunter was almost like a sister in looks. Daniel takes after his father with his fair hair and blue eyes while his mother and I were almost like twins. Giovanni has a very specific type of woman he finds attractive.¡± Sylvana pats my knee almost to emphasize the point with a hint of a smile. This piece of information stuns me. I, myself, once took note of the sea of small blondes that Giovanni kept as his own personal staff and just assumed, he had a type. It never urred to me that respect for his wife had prompted him to never employ any small brtes with green eyes and Italian beauty like his wife. In his own way, Giovanni was showing his love for her and Jakepletely misunderstood it or chose to ignore it. Stubborn ass of mine! Jake is such a publicly attentive and demonstrative person that his father¡¯s seemingly emotionless attitude must bepletely abhorrent to him. Chalk and cheese with apparently absolutely no understanding of one another in the slightest. ¡°But you found a way through it? You learned to love him again? Surely in time Jake can also forgive him?¡± I¡¯m now sopletely in awe at the inner working of Giovanni and how his head must actually work. The man is a total enigma. ¡°Yes, we¡¯re so very much in love.¡± Sylvana smiles dreamily, looking very much like me in that moment. A woman devoted andpletely in love with a hard-headed Carrero. ¡°Hees home every night regardless of the time it takes to get here. We made a promise to never drift apart again. I know he¡¯s not an easy man on the surface, but our private moments are so very much filled with affection and love and a lot of sex.¡± She grins again naughtily and winks my way, part of meughs and another wants to cringe at the very thought. ¡°I can only hope that one day Jake finds a way to have some sort of rtionship with him; where they are now is very heart-breaking.¡± Sylvana positively glows as she talks of her newfound rtionship with her husband, but the obvious pain about her child¡¯s connection with him is very evident in her tear-filled eyes, it renders me speechless. A mother¡¯s love torn with that of a wife¡¯s heart. Jake has no clue to the depths of care that still exist between his parents. I guess he probably avoided any sort ofmunication on the matter, purely because that stubborn mind of his decided his father was a viin no matter what and he would be damned to believe otherwise. If only Jake knew of the love that still runs between them and that his father still cherishes and respects Sylvana, above all others. Giovanni obviously has the same capabilities of love Jake has, that same deep heart but they just disy it so very differently. I sigh hopelessly and gaze at Sylvana affectionately. ¡°Maybe bing a father will make Jake re-evaluate things with Giovanni.¡± I smile with a small offering of hope. ¡°Maybe.¡± Sylvana smiles back with a twinkle in her eye and a tiny little glint of possibility, knowing deep down it is highly unlikely. * * * ¡°Like this, Tesoro.¡± Sylvana¡¯s soothing voice is close to my ear as she molds my hands in the bowl of dough. ¡°Gentle and delicate so the Gnhi stays fluffy.¡± She smiles and pulls away as I continue the motion she¡¯s shown me. I have a strange surge of emotion at her tender touch and the way she brushed my hair from my face with a smile. My affection for Sylvana is unlike the affection I have for Margo or even Wilma, there is something more, something deeper. I feel like I cane to her with anything, even cry over Jake, and she would embrace me with those loving, deep green, eyes with maternal security and just love me no matter what. I know she would never pick sides between us in our silly arguments and when he hurt me, she had been just so angry with him on my behalf. Sophie is making a mess on therge table with a lot of flour and a lot of hand pping and energetic pping sounds but smiling widely as Sylvana moves to calm the frantic pounding of her small delicate hands in her own heavy bowl. Sylvana¡¯s guiding touch is not rejected by the young girl either and I smile to myself. It¡¯s incredible knowing that her touch, so effortlessly, seems to be able to break through the force-fields that Sophie and I have; two kindred souls who used to recoil at human contact in any form and yet here we both were. Le is leaning over watching Sylvana, working through a bowl of shelled nuts, with a magazine in one handzing in the kitchen after showing up for lunch. It¡¯s obvious she¡¯s bored, mulling over something, and she hasn¡¯t been her chatting sparkling self but neither does she seem upset. Le is one of those people who lets you know when she wants to talk and is very good at saying nothing at all if she doesn¡¯t. She just seems happy to watch us learn to cook Italian food and revel in the atmosphere. N?velD(ram)a.?rg owns this content. It¡¯s all so very rxed and I cast my mind to where I would be right now if Jake and I had never embraced what we were to each other ¡­ probably decked out in tight tailored clothing and a set of stilettos on the sixty-fifth no doubt; stressed over contract briefs or mundane issues with financing and listening to Jake going off like a boar on the phone to some ipetent person. The thought doesn¡¯t bring me any sense of regret or loss at all. I don¡¯t even feel a spark of missing the offices, just the people, which is odd. For the first five years, I worked there I made no long-term bonds with anyone in that building, until Jake. He somehow infected me from the word go and changed my entire outlook on the people I worked beside. ¡°I think you¡¯re maybe killing it, Sophie, dear.¡± Sylvana chides gently, bringing my thoughts back to the present, and I can¡¯t help but watch with adoration as the two of them stand side by side bringing the bowl of mess to order. There¡¯s something soplete about the whole scene at this very moment, watching someone who is truly maternal, working with a child she treats as her own, giving healing to a girl who needs it with such a simple domestic task. Simply giving her time and patient attention in safety, trusting that no one will hurt her here or would let anyone else for that matter and as I watch the same love in Le¡¯s eyes. I see now that maybe Sylvana did that for Le too. Chapter 225 Chapter 225 I know Le came through the same channels as Sophie did as a child. Sylvana¡¯s charity ispletely embroiled in taking children in from abusive pasts and I realize, in this kitchen I am among kindred spirits and I never really thought about it before. I¡¯m not the only one with scars and memories that haunt my dreams sometimes. I¡¯m in the fold of two other beautiful young women who have their own demons and came out the other side happier and hopeful because they let people in again and learned to trust. They both sit here now, mere reflections of who they once were, smiles and genuineughter in the knowledge they found a better, safer loving ce. I¡¯m the outcast I used to be, I¡¯m one of them. The warmth of the kitchen and the peaceful serene atmosphere. This is what I need. This is what I¡¯ve missed out on my entire life; a mother, a real loving maternal mother who cared enough to show her children how to heal, cook, how to improve themselves and it doesn¡¯t matter that she isn¡¯t rted by blood. She changed the lives of at least two of us in some way and her son has done the same for me. I¡¯m happy here with her and with him because I needed this somehow, in my life. I needed that kind of nurturing love and guidance, to show me how to be nurturing and kind to myself, so I could be whole again. Learning how to let others have a little piece of my heart. Jake found that little scared Emma, locked down tight in the corner of that terrifying dark room, and he slid his arms around her softly, told her it was okay to trust him, to let him save her from the dark recesses of her life and lead her out to the light. To let him protect her and he did, still does and always will; in a way that I know he learned from her ¡­ Sylvana, the woman who without realizing it, nurtured the man of my dreams into a replica of herself. I watch, with a tear in my eye, the smiling happy faces in front of me, absorbed in such a simple task, aglow with life and genuine contentment. Emotion coursing through me for this family, even if we¡¯re not all rted by blood, that¡¯s what we are. Jake isn¡¯t just giving me a family by loving me and having a child. He¡¯s sharing his entire family with me, showing me I¡¯m so effortlessly epted. They are all my family too. My heart expands achingly at the thought. This kind of unconditional love that so many take for granted, and here it is, a gift being given to me so selflessly. They have no idea what it means. I want this kind of purpose. This kind of touch on the world. I want to find others like me instead of hiding from life and locking myself away, take them by the hand and draw them to the light, show them their world doesn¡¯t need to be so cold and alone. I want to make Jake proud and do to others what he¡¯s done for me. He gave me courage and hope. He taught me to look at the person I have be and not the person I was cowering behind in the darkness. He taught me to let people in. I want to be like her, Sylvana Carrero, a genuine heart who reaches in and pulls out the parts of children they¡¯ve hidden away for fear of being hurt again. Smothering them with a mother¡¯s love and gentle touch. I want to be like Jake, refusing to see only the walls we put up, looking beyond, at someone worth coaxing out. Being strong enough to bypass all the walls and the shields and anger to find that soul inside. I saved Sophie from a life of pain. In that moment in Chicago it was the first time of my own existence I felt worthwhile, in some small way, being her protector and drawing her away to a better life was my one defining moment, and I want it again. I want to see more Sophies and more Les shining in the world, pushing through from the darkness, finding their way into kitchens like Sylvana¡¯s and the lives of parents like the Huntsbergers. For too long I¡¯ve denied my past and let it consume me, ashamed and ming myself for what was done to me. But I¡¯ve realized that true release from the memories came when I let them out and shared them with Jake; shared them with someone capable of loving me without seeing any me or disgust in what I had to tell him, and now, I want to do that for others too. I want to be a better person than the empty shell who existed for so long, I want to be the person who saves myself and continues to do so, now they have shown me the way. I gaze down at my stomach and run a protective hand across it softly. I want to be someone nurturing and warm, whose children will be proud of them, someone children will run to and embrace in the knowledge that I¡¯ll always keep them safe and always, always, put them first no matter what. I¡¯ll never let anyone, not even Jake,e between me and my children or inflict any kind of pain on them in any way. * * * ¡°God, I missed you.¡± Jake leans in and kisses me passionately, our mouths connecting sensually. He makes sure I know exactly how much he¡¯s missed me in one breathless embrace, lingering a moment, and runs a hand across my face before turning to loosen his tie and pulling it off. He¡¯s literally just arrived home and straight to our bedroom skipping up here like a child to see me. I can¡¯t help but giggle and sag into that strong embrace weakly. Finally putting me down he slides his jacket off and throws it on the end of the bed. I¡¯m lounging, watching him in adoration, magazines strewn, and TV on low in thete evening, just so d to have him with me again. He¡¯s been gone three whole days; work was demanding today, and his texts informed me there¡¯d been three back to back meetings he needed to get out of the way beforeing home. He has so much going on and a little part of me feels guilty that I¡¯m not helping anymore, in fact I have no clue about any of the ventures he is overseeing nowadays. It feels like we haven¡¯t seen each other in weeks and devouring that face and body with my eyes makes my heart swell to enormous proportions. God, I love him so much. He strips off, hauling on a T-shirt and sweats quickly as I watch inplete admiration. His tantalizing body still being held aloft from me. I need to put my seduction n into high gear soon, but right now I have other ns. As much as I ache for him, I must follow through on what I decided, and he looks tired enough to be less of a stubborn boy tonight. He looks exhausted for once and ripe for a little Emma cajoling. I slide off the bed in my sexy nightdress, padding over to the side unit and pick up the cream envelope, turning to him and holding it out delicately with a soft smile on my face. ¡°Here.¡± I try for a gentle tone, watching him closely for signs of how this may go. Jake can be unpredictable at the best of times and when it¡¯s something like this he can be very prickly. ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± He takes it warily, a small frown crossing that gorgeous face as hees close, and leans in kissing my temple, a hand running down my throat tenderly. I wait until he goes back to the envelope in his hand, watching him turn it over to open, my stomach tightens with nerves, but I stand my ground, and clench my hands in a bid to give myself courage. I need to do this if I want to carry out the ns I have made. ¡°My resignation from the Carrero Corporation,¡± I state calmly and slowly. Jake¡¯s eyes shoot up to mine with a little look of hurt that instantly pains me, but I remain impassive. He opens his mouth with a severely intimidating re, and I hold up my hands quickly, my nerves most definitely skyrocketing at his obvious instant reaction. ¡°Listen, before exploding ¡­ Let me talk,¡± I blurt rapidly, hoping to God he¡¯s missed me enough to have more than a little patience over this. He closes his mouth and crosses his muscr arms over his chest in an almost menacing way, a very unamused expression on that face which goads me to carry on. The unopened letter is still in his fingers on one hand. He isn¡¯t going to open it until he hears me out. I know him. He thinks he will just rip it up if he doesn¡¯t like my exnation and that I can forget all about it. I grit my teeth to find my inner steel. Jake doesn¡¯t scare me in the slightest anymore, these bad moods of his are mostly just noise and temper, and if I¡¯m going to be married to him for a lifetime then I¡¯m going to have to learn to hold my own when Mr. Dominant.es into y. Undeterred I lean up on tiptoes, kissing him softly and tenderly on the mouth in a bid to show him that I am not doing this out of any malice. He stays stock still. His eyes burning into me with no hint of amusement at all, he¡¯s probably over analyzing every reason for me doing this and getting it all wrong. I walk to the bed and sit down, deliberately making a show of being calm and in control, and hopefully a little bit sexy. I¡¯m not against showing a lot of leg and cleavage to get my grumpy bear distracted. Use your female prowess to tame that man, Emma. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go back. That part of me is done Jake. The girl I was, her focus on that job ¡­ It¡¯s all in the past. The person I was, she used her job to avoid any real emotion, any real life, to avoid rtionships with people. There¡¯s nothing for me there anymore except you and I have you here.¡± I blink up at him innocently, my voice full of conviction. He¡¯s watching me, a million emotions crossing his face but he¡¯s waiting for me to finish now that I¡¯m on a roll. He¡¯s holding his temper, and desire to demand, for once in his life and I have to say I am a little impressed with his newfound willpower. ¡°I want to do something that means something to me. Something more fulfilling, where I can make a physical difference. Something that lets me be this version of who I am and gives me the flexibility to be a mother and a wife. This version of me that you keep encouraging toe out, this version you love.¡± I look up at him pointedly and adoringly, a small hint of a smile his way. Yup, hit him emotionally, wear him down. Jake sighs, his look of aggression dissipating fast, and walks toward me. His hand trails my hair, and he scoops down to kiss me solidly, a passionate kiss that knocks the breath out of me with a lot more steam than his first. When he leans back up, he appraises me closely. His whole demeanor softening as he thinks through what I¡¯ve said. ¡°There¡¯s too many smarts in this beautiful little head to ever be fulfilled as just a wife and mother, Emma. You¡¯re a tough cookie, whatever it is you want to pursue you have my back up, every step of the way. I just want you to be happy. I¡¯ll move mountains to help you achieve it.¡± He sits down beside me on the bed, his arming around my shoulders, pulling me close to him and smiles at me in a completely infatuated way. I¡¯m shocked at how easy this was. He didn¡¯t even try to argue a point against it. Who are you and where is Jake Carrero? Chapter 226 Chapter 226 Maybe Jake¡¯se to the realization too, that going back to how it was just isn¡¯t going to be an option for me, for us. His taking over work and leaving me alone is almost a sign that really, deep down, he doesn¡¯t want me to go back down that path either. Jake is a lot happier not bringing work between us, knowing the stress and arguments it could cause again. He¡¯s taken a back seatpared to how he used to work, allowing Margo and her team do both our jobs. I know she now has six people under her control, all taking various positions and responsibilities, allowing Jake to be able to wander in and out freely and deal with only the most important things. Jake¡¯s head is no longer embroiled in the Carrero Corporation. It¡¯s here with me, most of the time, and our future family. He engineered his work routine to dissipate as it gets closer to the babying and I know he fully intends staying put and going nowhere in thest month of my pregnancy or the first six months of our baby¡¯s life. That¡¯s why he¡¯s spending so much time now sorting and organizing things in Manhattan. There¡¯s no real ce for me in that role anymore, even if he wanted there to be. ¡°I want to do this on my own, Jake, whatever it is. I don¡¯t want you throwing money at me in a bid to make it happen for me. I don¡¯t need your money.¡± I gaze up at that expressive face and sense the protesting by the slight tension in his jawline. He shifts around to face me, bringing a knee between us on the bed, letting me go so he can sit full-on and lock eyes. Mr. Let¡¯s talk business. mode. ¡°Emma, you need to do something for me if I¡¯m to ept this.¡± He holds up the letter and throws it onto the bed carelessly. He doesn¡¯t even look as he does it, just eyes on me. ¡°What?¡± I¡¯m waiting for negotiator and maniptor to move in, but he sighs instead. He has a look on his face that shows no fight at all just my beautiful man and so much love shining back at me. ¡°ept that the money is a part of who I am. It¡¯s what I¡¯ve always known, how I was raised. It influenced my lifestyle, my character, and my abilities, seeped into every part of the person you love. I never knew any different and I probably never will, so when you constantly push it away, you¡¯re pushing away a part of me. I¡¯ve always known the money was never something you pursued but you need to ept that it¡¯s going to always be a part of our lives and our kids¡± lives too. I can ept every part of you, Emma, scars, and all, so you need to ept this part of me and maybe even enjoy it a little. I worked hard to make my own money away from my father. Not a penny I have hase from him since I was twenty-one years old. I wanted it that way and now I want for you to revel in it a little too.¡± He looks at me so very seriously that I find myself shifting closer to him, so I can feel our bodies touching forfort. I slide my hand into his on hisp, entangling our fingers. I regard him thoughtfully, absorbing everything he¡¯s saying, and I myself sag a little with the realization that he¡¯s right. I fell in love with that high-profile, rich CEO, with his expensive clothes and suave cocky attitude, and overbearing demeanor. Truth be told, a part of me always liked his lifestyle because it did make him so much more powerful and sexy and had women swooning at his feet. I¡¯ve had some seriouslybusting panties for his car anyway and it all somehow collided together to make the man sitting in front of me. As much as I always knew I would have him without it all, I can¡¯t deny he probably wouldn¡¯t be the same person if he¡¯d had a different path in life. Jake¡¯s confidence and authorityes from this lifestyle, his public persona is molded from a life in the limelight, his attention to his body and attire has be second nature, looking hot all the time to meet the demands of the media. His heart and soul didn¡¯t stem from wealth but everything else around his personality has been molded by it, even his spoiled child attitude and inability to back down. He grew up never wanting for anything and never having to wait or earn what he wanted in younger life. He has a spoiled little boy spark inside of him because of all that, which created his impulsive nature. I need to ept that turning down his money because of some stupid moral pride is ridiculous. I sigh, knowing that if he was just a man with a normal bank bnce then I would ept his financial support, so this is no different. I need to get off my moral high ground and ept that I want to marry a billionaire with a default setting of generous. I need to get used to it or leave him. If credit cards, overindulgent gifts, and trips are part of what Jake is offering me then I¡¯d better suck it up and stop being so goddamn stupid. ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± I smile knowing I¡¯ve already backed down, but he doesn¡¯t need to know that. Some fun is always to be had turning Jake down from time to time. I can¡¯t really let him get away with thinking $10,000 dresses thrown my way should ever be normal. I tingle as his hands slide up my arms to rest on my shoulders. ¡°Good. Because I brought you home a beautiful and slightly expensive dress to take you out to dinner tomorrow night and I would be really gutted if I had to take it back.¡± Really? A dress! After what I was just thinking? He never changes ¡­ ¡°If you¡¯re using the word expensive then I don¡¯t even want to know how much it cost, Jake.¡± I sigh with complete detion. Jake is someone who considers a couple thousand dors as pocket change. Expensive to him makes my head ache. This is going to be so much harder to get used too than I thought. For a start, I already own way too many of Jake¡¯s expensive dresses, I swear he has some sortpulsion in buying me one almost weekly. The dress is spectacr as are the shoes he bought with it. Like a good little girl, I don¡¯t attempt any sort of rejection when he brings the boxes in from the car with the sweetest expression on his face. He looks almost boyish and a little excited. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. I¡¯m standing in a full-length, dark plum, figure hugging dress, studded with sheer Swarovski crystals across its full length and fuller skirt. My shoulders are exposed from its crisscross bodice style, ending in low cap sleeves off shoulder and my cleavage is almost bursting forth. Lately my bust has started to get a littlerger and I¡¯m sure Jake won¡¯t mind one bit. My feet are encased in low heeled satin plum shoes because since I found out I was pregnant he literally refused to let me wear my sexy heels, which is another argument still not done with, and then of course there¡¯s the underwear. Jake¡¯s gone all out bringing me home aplete outfit. Sexy underwear, I am d to see he at least thinks about sex even if he¡¯s not giving me it. He¡¯s been very evasive about the dinner ns all day and now trussed up like a red-carpet movie star I¡¯m starting to wonder why we need to be so formal. Jake¡¯s in a tux of all things but I don¡¯t remember any mention of any sort of event or dance. Jake avoids tuxedos like the gue if he can help it. * * * The restaurant is gorgeous, as is the appearance of Sylvana on Giovanni¡¯s arm and Arrick with Sophie in tow looking sweetly cute together; even Le is with us as we all walk to the pre-booked table near the back of the grand room. I assume this may be rted to the Carrero Corporation after all, but it¡¯s just odd that Jake would be so elusive about the details. This ce exudes money, every table delicately set with lily center pieces and crisp white tablecloths under a ceiling of grand chandeliers and fairy lights. The color scheme is opulent reds and mauves and a lot of gold, with sparkling crystals everywhere. There are tables and tables of richly dressed diners with both an orchestra ying low music and a booth set up for a DJ in another corner. The floor in the middle is a dance floor and there must be some dancing or entertainment after dinner. The old me would¡¯ve felt so out of her depth in a ce like this, even as Jake¡¯s PA, but I walk with my head held high on the arm of the most gorgeous man in here, with the handsome Carrero family and I can¡¯t help but feel proud. I feel like I belong with them and not out of ce in the dress Jake chose for me. It isn¡¯t Donna¡¯s style of dress to choose for me, so I¡¯m sure Jake has chosen this himself, which is more than a little sweet. He always had good taste for a man. When we¡¯re shown to our table, I realize there are more familiar faces from Carrero Corp dotted around. I spot Margo with her husband waving at me. I flush as an inner panic starts to creep up. I swear there¡¯s a red head of hair behind her that could possibly be Wilma. Even if this is a Carrero thing, or some charity event, we¡¯re so far outside of Manhattan that I wouldn¡¯t expect to see them here. Why are we surrounded by people that shouldn¡¯t be here in the Hamptons? I nce at Jake and spot veiled nervousness hinting across his face, that he¡¯s so desperately trying to hide, and the way his sculpted body seems a little too rigid in his tux, even for him. Jake is never nervous at events and a sickening lurch connects the dots almost instantly. Out of the corner of my eye I catch a couple trying to usher their way out of sight through the shadows and realize it¡¯s Sarah and Marcus. They¡¯re trying to hide from me, and I freeze. Oh, my God. Sarah and Marcus? They wouldn¡¯t be at a Carrero event. Oh shit ¡­ Oh shit! I know what he¡¯s doing. It hits me like a lightning bolt out of the dark with rather painful ferocity. He¡¯s bought me a pretty dress that he chose by himself and assembled everyone in one of the most beautiful restaurants in this town. He¡¯s gathered together people that I know, people that matter to me and matter to him, regardless of the costs. He has my best friend trying to hide before she lets the cat out of the bag and I¡¯m sure if I check the sea of faces, I¡¯ll recognize more and more people. Chapter 227 Chapter 227 I catch sight of Daniel moving in from the side under cover of shadow and he slides into a seat beside Margo, throwing her a smile, and I suddenly feel sick and breathless. Daniel most definitely doesn¡¯t show face at corporate things. He never has. He always says it¡¯s not his thing and bores him to tears. Warning bells are going off inside my head and that flight or fight impulse has my feet itching to head for the nearest exit. I tighten my grip on Jake¡¯s arm for security and a sense of calm. My heart is pounding erratically through my chest, palms mmy, my body turning cold with fear. He covers my hand with his, a grounding sensation that I¡¯m aching for, but I¡¯m still in panic mode and can almost feel the tension radiating from him. That¡¯s why his touch isn¡¯t working right now because Jake¡¯s more scared than I am and he¡¯s transferring it rather than taking mine away. My strong calm and in control Carrero is now adjusting his cor as though it¡¯s choking him and tilting his neck from side to side in a massive show of uncharacteristic nerves. Fuck! ¡°Are you okay?¡± He lookspletely terrified as his eyes meet mine. His beautiful gorgeous face looking about fifteen years old andpletely out of his depths. I swallow hard, willing him to just stop, stop whatever his head has nned and whatever I think. Thest thing I need is for him to look so goddamn out of his depth, making me feel like I¡¯m suffocating. Don¡¯t hurt him, Emma. Don¡¯t do this to him after everything. Just look at him and breathe. Steady breaths and remember how much you love him. The fear gripping me holds at his eye contact and I find the inner courage to slowly slide it further down inside of me, gripping with fingernails to keep control. I hold still, trying not to portray my feelings on to my face, in case he sees it, and paste a smile on my mouth, loosening my death grip on his arm. I can¡¯t ruin this for him, I can¡¯t hurt him again after everything We¡¯ve been through. I just need to pretend I don¡¯t know and pray I don¡¯t freak when he finally gets on one knee. ¡°Yeah, just a little overwhelmed with all this grandeur.¡± I smile, maintaining a steady voice with stoic effort and he rxes a little. I draw on all my old PA Emma abilities to be emotionless, even in the face of extreme pressure. He¡¯s studying me a little too closely, so I stretch up and kiss him quickly, making him kiss me properly and deeply, trying to remove any doubts about what I know. It seems to do the trick and he rxes a little, all flickers of question smoothing from that beautiful brow and back to just a rather bad case of nerves. I squeeze his arm in a bid to calm him and really, to calm myself ¡­ a lot. Count to ten, breathe. Focus on Jake, on just him and how much he loves you. When we¡¯re shown to our table Jake suddenly seems listless and his fidgeting demeanor hits full force, moving his ss from hand to hand and back to the table, avoiding eye contact when he has me seated beside him. He tenses and keeps looking out of the huge windows behind us as though checking for something. He picks up the drink they justid beside him and downs it in one go, impulsively which is never a good sign or a good move on him. His hands raking through that immacte hair, trying to sit still. He is all over the ce and unraveling in front of me; this is not a version of him I have ever known. Jake is always so effortlessly in control publicly, so his behavior is making me even more uptight. He smiles at me, but I know it¡¯s pasted on and in-genuine. His eyes flicker to the side until he spots something then excuses himself with a peck on my cheek in a hurried fashion. I watch as he almost drags Daniel Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. out of his seat in passing and they disappear through a door near the side exit which takes you further into this grand hotel restaurant. Leaving me alone only makes me a hundred times worse. My heart is pounding through my chest. The people around me are chatting and smiling my way, even Sylvana is trying to draw me into conversation, but my eyes are scouring the room for Sarah. She¡¯s obviously been told to stay out of sight until the big moment. I have no idea what to do with myself. I can¡¯t even voice my fear because I¡¯m not supposed to know what this is. I can only sit here, curling up the napkin in front of me, counting as I breathe, trying to quell the panic that has every nerve ending on high alert. I don¡¯t even know if I¡¯m angry at this, at what he¡¯s doing so publicly or if I want it this way and I¡¯m just terrified. I have no clue how to feel or why I even feel this way. All the old inner Emma instincts are to run and hide but new Emma is holding me in my seat, all battling inside of my head with fears and reasoning, weighing up pros and cons, making my head ache. Shit, crap, fuck. Breathe. Breathe. I can do this. I already said yes. I asked him! This is just Jake needing to do it his way and give me a ring. You love him. Let it go. Let him take control in this and trust him. Trust him, Emma. Trust that he¡¯ll always make you happy. I find Giovanni¡¯s eyes on me across the table. He¡¯s watching me with a slight smirking expression, those dark terrifying eyes unmoving as I meet his. He slowly lifts his tumbler of gin and raises it toward me, like a little toast, a hint of a smile on his face and then in an instant, it¡¯s gone. He turns to his wife and ces a kiss on her cheek leaving mepletely dumbfounded. What was that? A light flush of color creeps up Sylvana¡¯s face as he leans in to whisper in her ear and her blush intensifies as she looks down at her hands. I¡¯m almost shocked to see such a private intimate moment so publicly shown from him, given that I know he abhors public affection. I start to watch a little too intensely, distracting myself from my inner panic, as she slides a hand from the table down and across his t stomach. It¡¯s so discreet and slow, disappearing out of sight, and I can only imagine her hand in hisp. I look away quickly, almost embarrassed. Holy crap. Sexless marriage? I think not! Jake obviously has no clue that his parents are still having sex and naughty sex by the looks of it. I cringe in disgust when I realize Jake takes after his father in more ways than he knows. Ughhh. Jake has the demonstrative affection of his mother, the public loving nature. But his kinky naughty side is from his father. I wonder, seeing it now, if that cool demeanor and uncaring attitude hides a man with a whole lot more going on in his heart than anyone ever sees, and it dawns on me. I¡¯m more like Giovanni than Jake is! I have the same outwardly cool persona and reserved side with a cool demeanor and Jake is Sylvana. Jake has brought me out of myself greatly but he¡¯s still the one who always initiates public disys of affection like the hand holding and kissing. I am happy to be pulled along by him, but if he¡¯d been like his father, I would¡¯ve been okay with that too because I¡¯m that way. I clear my throat and down the ss of fresh fruit juice I¡¯ve been served; trying to push all thoughts of what my inws to be are doing under the table, trying to cast it very far away from my mind. Sylvana is feigning innocence but her hand hasn¡¯t reappeared, and Giovanni looks more than a little smug right now. Eww. I notice Le is wandering around like a maniac across the currently empty dance floor. She doesn¡¯t look so calm and controlled now, more of the feisty and pissed variety in her short ck dress, she grabs a random man in the most aggressive manner as he approaches her. What the hell? The man isn¡¯t very tall, around five-foot eight at most, and sort of stocky with dark brown hair and brown eyes. Le is hauling him this way, like a dominatrix leading a gimp, and as they approach, I realize this must be Kurt. The gentle features and adoring way he¡¯s gazing at her as she bullies him toward our table says it all. The guy has smitten written all over him and is in no way even attempting to battle down the wild Le peeking out. So not good for her at all. She orders him to sit down, icily, taking the seat next to his, and slumps in her chair downing three drinks in a row in the most rming way. He tries to talk to her and she totally nks him, far too intent on waving down the passing waitress for another drink, by holding her empty one in the air. I¡¯m too far across the table to warn her to slow down or throw her any kind of message at all and I have no clue why she¡¯s trying to get so drunk so quick. At least they¡¯ve taken my focus away from the near overwhelming panic attack I was close to. The waitress is rambling on in my ear about the courses and specials. I¡¯m not even sure if she¡¯s asking me about ordering food or talking to someone else as I home in on the reappearance of Jake across the room. I¡¯m always drawn to that masculine sexiness whenever he enters a room, like a moth to a me. But then I am pretty sure about a dozen other female sets of eyes do the same thing. Jake is here, minus Daniel, and looks on edge. His whole manner is uptight, and his hair is a little messy, the tell-tale sign he¡¯s been running his hand through it, and his jacket has been unbuttoned with his tie loosened. He¡¯s disheveled to say the least and not the immacte guy who was present a couple of minutes ago, he looks a lot like the Jake who came home and told me he¡¯d hurt me, and my heart tightens a lot in response. He would never do anything like that again. Trust him. Chapter 228 Chapter 228 Sylvana snaps around at his approach, guiltily, and immediately jumps up to meet him. She¡¯s saying something under her breath, fixing his bow tie and jacket hurriedly. His hands go to his hair to calm it down, suggesting she¡¯s pointed out that he looks a little less groomed than before, and I can¡¯t help but watch the expression on his face, as he does what he¡¯s told to, with zero argument. He¡¯spletely out of his depth and nothing at all like the Jake Carrero I know and love. His eyes are raking in the faces of the people around the room, as though taking some sort of mental checklist. My stomach tightens and my hands get mmy again. His behavior is all I need to see to know I¡¯m right about what he has nned. Only one thing could make Jake this scared out of his mind that even his appearance is something he¡¯s oblivious of. Fuck. He¡¯s really going to do this, isn¡¯t he? He¡¯s going to do this, and they all know! It¡¯s why They¡¯re all here and why she¡¯s fussing over his clothes. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want it, it¡¯s just so public and so ¡­ Oh my God! It hits me suddenly ¡­ Fireworks and a floor show! His words. His promise. He really is going to do this after all. Tonight. Here! My insides lurch up in a terrifying need to throw up. I stare down at my cold trembling, mmy hands, and take steady breaths, long, low and calm. Deliberately holding them longer and counting it out. I won¡¯t run. I won¡¯t freak. I can do this. I have hurt him so many times and it always ended up hurting me as well. I need to rx and trust him on this, go with the flow just like he would. Don¡¯t ruin something so obviously special. I nce up as he moves to me, catching his eyes instantly, and somehow that small contact changes his demeanor. He grounds me the way he always seems to. Those endless eyes and his handsome face bringing me out of my own head. I seem to be calming him too and he¡¯s returning the favor, if we keep looking at one another then maybe I can get through this without turning into a crazy loon who high tails it out of the door in a ridiculously long dress. I love him, he¡¯s all I need. His heart is just as fragile as mine, don¡¯t bruise it, Emma. ¡°Dance with me?¡± he asks, holding out a trembling hand as he gets to my side. I take onest steadying breath to push it all down as far as I can and try to find my inner bravery. I smile up at him, adoringly, and brace for what is about to happen, resigning to let him take the lead. You won¡¯t fuck this up, Emma. He moves against me on the dance floor as the orchestra ys a smooth bad, soft and romantic, and others join us on the floor. His eyes on mine and even though he¡¯s smiling I can feel his heart beating at a hundred miles an hour through his chest. Jake is nervous and he¡¯s making me even more so. The tension radiating from him is rming. Even locking eyes is starting to fail, as his inner emotions start to get the better of him, and suddenly I don¡¯t want to let him fall apart. I want to calm him down, so he can do this for us. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°I love you.¡± I smile at him andy my head against his chest trying to soothe him without giving the game away. Hoping that I radiate some needed reassurance that I¡¯m here with him, that I¡¯m not running, and that there is no doubt about my answer. I always knew what my answer would be, from the moment I figured this out. It was never about saying no to him because I know I never would. ¡°I love you, baby ¡­ maybe too much.¡± He smiles at me, and this time as I tilt my face back up to him, I can see it¡¯s genuine. I notice a small squaring of his jaw reminding me that he¡¯s still coiled up like a spring about to erupt. I catch sight of the outer patio doors in the grand room being opened by waiting staff and lift my head to look, slightly confused. It¡¯s not an overly warm night and it¡¯s not nearly warm enough to open every door wide this way. Jake takes a loud breath slowly, so close to my ear, and I face back up at him, questioningly. He blows it out over the top of my head and avoids my gaze. His body is hitting an all-time tension high and my heart starts hammering again knowing that it¡¯s close. Breathe ¡­ Don¡¯t freak out. His eyes are focused on the orchestra and he¡¯s so tense he¡¯s almost rigid. Our dancing has slowed to a partial halt and the couples around us seem to be moving away as though they¡¯ve been given some signal that they should do so. I¡¯m not sure that I like the fact we seem to be in the center of the room with a widening gap happening all around us, so very public, among a sea of faces. I just need to keep reminding myself of whose strong arms are around me, that he will always keep me safe. I stare up at that handsome face to ground myself once more. Jake has a silent trance-like look on his face, the same one as the day we found out I was pregnant and suddenly I don¡¯t feel so brave anymore. Even in his arms I¡¯m submerged in the icy coldness of fear engulfing me. He¡¯s not with me right now, his head elsewhere and I¡¯m left adrift. Looking around in a panic I realize people are staring this way, terror is rising inside of me, and hysteria grips hold until it¡¯s like I¡¯m almost choking. My body starts to tense with the first signs of an all-out panic attack. I¡¯m starting to freak out, the tension starting in my toes, sliding up my body slowly, in a horrible sickening cold wave that I know is going to ck out my mind and devour me. My feet making ready to run far, far, away from something terrifying and I have no control of it. And then I hear it. The beautiful words of the singer floating our way across the crowded room. The words that will be ingrained on my brain for a lifetime. Itpletely stills me, like a calming balm, and somehow, he¡¯s already figured out the one thing that would halt my fear, focusing me back to him. His armse around me gently and with one hand he pulls my chin to face him. I can feel him begin to calm too as our eyes meet once more and he mouths along with the song, swaying me gently to dance once more with me in his embrace. ¡°Say you love me¡­¡± The woman sings out the song that makes my heart break wide open and, in this moment, I forget about everything else. Every person, every terrifying feeling and anything that isn¡¯t him. Emotions flood me and pushes every single fear away, my stomach aching and my heart fills with love. It¡¯s this song, the one that started it all between us, the real rtionship, and the beginning of feeling his love for me. The one he sent me across a crowded dance floor in an opulent setting, much like this one, and I suddenly get it. He¡¯s re-enacting that dance floor, wiping out the memory of me running from him, and he¡¯s using the same song to ask me the same thing only this time he wants to know if I¡¯ll be his forever. He¡¯s offering me himself the way he did that night, a chance to clear everything that has happened between us since that dance and start again. To forget about her and hurting me and everything else. To let him love me the way he promised he would. Jake you¡¯re killing me with your ability to sweep me off my feet right now. I gaze up at him withplete adoration. Tears filling my eyes while my soul is aching, watching him sing to me with that beautiful husky rock star voice. It seems like hours lost in those green eyes and that face, dampness hitting my skin as he brushes my cheek with his thumb and moves me slightly in his arms. He moves further away again, holding me at arm¡¯s length but never breaking eye contact and slides down to one knee mid-song. I catch the sob in my throat as it hits me deep in my chest and I hold onto his shoulder when the urge to crumble overtakes me, almost turning my body to mush. I steady myself, focusing on the way he¡¯s looking at me so intensely. Those emerald eyes which hold me so readily in their strong gaze, grounding me in the way only he can, despite everything around us, bringing my focus to what is happening between us. I forget about everyone, the faces; the sea of people; even the noise, and I see only him. Always ¡­ only him. The sounds of fireworks echoing from outside set of a chorus of ¡®oohs and aahs¡¯ from other diners, but I don¡¯t turn to look. I¡¯m caught with him in his gaze, he has me captured, and I¡¯mpletely mesmerized. All fear and panic and doubt fluttering away on the breeze as though it was never there, locked together, just the two of us. So, when he opens a box, containing the most beautiful delicate ring I¡¯ve ever seen in my life, my hand flies to my mouth and I let the tears fall freely. No longer ashamed at people seeing my vulnerability or emotions. ¡°Marry me, Emma? Make me the luckiest guy that ever lived. I¡¯m yours. Always yours and I¡¯ll spend a lifetime worshiping and cherishing every single part of you, bambino ¡­ You¡¯re my heart, baby.¡± Jake holds the box out toward me. His hands trembling, his gaze is focused on my face as I take deep calming breaths so I can find my voice. Completely overwhelmed with emotion and love for him, with the perfection of what he has done for me. This cocky CEO who infiltrated my heart every second of every day since the moment Iid eyes on him and here he is, kneeling in front of me in front of everyone in the world who matters to the both of us, asking me to trust him. Giving himself to me fully, not caring about being on his knees before a woman, and wholeheartedly letting me take the lead. Hanging up his Casanova crown rather spectacrly. ¡°Yes, Jake. Yes!¡± I cry silently and my hand shakes as he slides that cool piece of metal and sparkle onto my finger. He is every bit as overwhelmed as me and the happiness all over his face is radiant. I¡¯m swept up in the arms of the strongest, sexiest man I have ever met and when his mouthes crushing to mine in a toe-curling assault of love I know I ampletely and hopelessly lost to him for an eternity. Chapter 229 Chapter 229 The song choice from me to Jake is ying across the floor surrounding us as we sway. We¡¯re still wrapped up in each other our eyes focused intently. The swell of happiness between us is infectious and I don¡¯t think either of us has stopped smiling since his dance-floor proposal an hour ago. I truly know happiness beyond all bounds. I wanted to reply to his song, after all it was our tradition, and in a grand fashion to match his, the DJ was more than happy to oblige when the orchestra finally took their leave. E Henderson ¡°Yours¡± ys beautifully across the room, telling him everything I want to say right now. He sways me around the dance floor for the hundredth time, wrapped in his arms and smiling like crazy. Feeling like I could die from contentment. People were congratting us the whole way through the meal and neither of us has managed to stop touching the other; smiling brightly with only eyes for each other. I can¡¯t stop ncing at my hand over his wide shoulder to the understated delicate diamond ring, showing me he¡¯d really thought about what I would like. Non-showy, vintage, and perfectly me. He chose something that I would¡¯ve chosen for myself, elegant and meaningful, rather than a disy of wealth. Jake knows me a lot better than I think he gives himself credit for. Sarah appeared and enveloped me in kisses and tears as soon as I had that ring on my finger. She¡¯s now swaying with Marcus, feet away on the floor, looking merry and drunk, and very much like a girl in love. Marcus is looking quite groomed and a little different, eyes aglow with infatuation for Sarah, evident on the face of a man I¡¯ve never warmed to. Maybe I¡¯ve always been too harsh on him, seeing them together with new eyes, the love evident between them, and the way they seem to fit so effortlessly together, like Jake and I do but in their own way. I can¡¯t help but look back at the man of my dreams and take in every part of that face. Someone has his attention to the left of me, and he¡¯s smiling and answering with an amused furrowed brow, his sultry low voice always makes my blood pump faster. His arms around my waist tightly, mine around his neck, bow tie now undone and hanging loose at each side of his cor. The jacket is gone and shirt open at the top. He looks exactly like he should, sexually casual, and a little rough around the edges, yet confidently tailored to perfection even when his tie is discarded. The boyish bad boy Carrero always dominating every part of him and it¡¯s exactly who I always want him to be. The whole night is a blur of smiles, giddiness, and floaty memories of people I know hugging me, and lots and lots of kissing. Jake has kissed my lipstick off, kissed me until my cheeks are permanently blushed, and my mouth puffy. Yet that doesn¡¯t seem to be able to stave off the craving to kiss me more, not that I¡¯mining. Kissing Jake is my all-time favorite thing in the world. That seductive mouth locked onto mine bringing our hearts together as one. No one makes me feel the way he does with something so simple as a gentle brushing of lips. Just the proximity of him to me, eyes locked and noses touching, makes every part of me surrender to his will. Jake stops talking to whoever has his attention and turns back to give it all to me, another kiss and soft grazing of noses that make my body tingle for him. He knows no bounds when ites to being tender and gentle with me, and I love that it¡¯s a part of him reserved only for me and our unborn child. The side of him that the world never sees and probably couldn¡¯t associate with the ¡®yboy Carrero Casanova¡¯ public figure that women still drool over. He was never that way with his endless meaningless women, never so touchy and adoring with them at all and it only highlights what I mean to him. ¡°You thought I was going to say no, didn¡¯t you? Even though we were technically engaged.¡± I sway with him, nowpletely rxed, with so much heart swelling love. Moving to the music emphasizes his powerful body and he positions my feet to stand on the shoes of his toes so he can dance me around, reaching my lips a little better. I feel like a child, but with his arms encircling me tightly I don¡¯t want to be anywhere else. He always has a way of making me feel protected and cared for, even if it¡¯s just propping sunsses on my face in bright light or taking off my Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. shoes in the car home after a dance, or swirling me around on his feet so I can stand and rx as he takes control of my movements. ¡°The thought crossed my mind about a million times once we got here. I¡¯m not going to lie I started to panic that I was going about this the wrong way, bambino.¡± He grimaces at the memory and scoops down to kiss me again. His face one of confidence, showing no hint of doubt now. Camera¡¯s sh nearby but Jake ispletely oblivious to paparazzi attention, I on the other hand am still adjusting. ¡°I love you, Mr. Carrero. This was beyond perfect.¡± I smile lovingly. The fireworks disysted forty-five minutes and was beyond spectacr. We crowded outside in droves, after the emotion of the moment calmed down, and saw thest half of the most magnificent fireworks disy ever. Jake draped his jacket around me and held me in his arms for warmth while we watched in awed silence. He certainly supplied, as promised ¡®Fireworks and a floor show¡¯ and in true Jake Carrero style it was go big or go home. He smiles back. ¡°Mrs. Carrero ¡­ Emma Carrero. God, I love how that sounds.¡± He moves his forehead to mine and continues to move our feet in time to the bad. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine anything more perfect than this.¡± He brings a hand to my face and trails his fingertips across my bottom lip, oblivious to the shes of cameras nearby going off repetitively again. Unfortunately, the press appeared at some point. I¡¯m not sure if they caught the moment he proposed but they were here for the fireworks and seem to like the tender moments we are having a little too much. We¡¯re moving around lost in each other¡¯s eyes when we be aware ofmotion behind us; raised voices and the smashing of a ss. I turn to see what¡¯s going on and I¡¯mpletely unsurprised to see iting from Daniel and Le, off to one side of the floor amid a group of gaping bystanders ¡­ ¡°Why are you here with him?¡± Daniel has Le by the wrist and she¡¯s struggling to wrench it free; fiery furytched onto fiery fury. Daniel looks poised and ready to beat someone with a death re across that handsome face. His grip on Le only entuates how muscr he is. I never really notice it when he¡¯s with Jake since Jake is much broader. He is equally tall, with sandy blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes, and right now he¡¯s terrifying; aggression rippling through him the same way it seems to ignite Jake. I wouldn¡¯t want to get on the wrong side of them as a pair. ¡°Shit,¡± Jake mutters and lets me go, lifting me from his shoes, pulling me with him. He heads their way in a rather brisk fashion. ¡°It¡¯s nothing to do with you who I date.¡± Le spits back, eyes ring at him from her much smaller height, arm wrenching and attempting to kick him with her killer pointed heels, just as Jake intervenes. ¡°Daniel, take this outside,e on. It¡¯s too public here and the press are lurking because of my engagement.¡± Jake nods toward the men mulling around with cameras, aiming this way. Jake keeps my hand in his and draws me closer to shield the pair from probing lenses. Daniel looks around as though realizing where we are, his face softens a little, and I can¡¯t help but feel a twinge of heartache for him at the utter devastation on his face. Kurt is lurking nearby but even I can tell he knows he¡¯s no match for Daniel Hunter, not in the slightest; that dominant alpha male thing that Jake exudes is a Hunter trait too. Le snatches her hand away and turns to Jake, imploringly, raising her hands inplete frustration. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to take outside ¡­ I¡¯m. Not. Interested!¡± She throws her hands on her hips in defiance, but Daniel scoops her up in his arms in a sh, ignoring any attempts from her to refuse him, and turns on his heel to march out toward the pitch-ck gardens with a look of sheer rage. There¡¯s a sh of cameras and Jake grimaces, grabs my hand a little more firmly, pulling me to follow the bickering pair into the night air. We stop a few times to thank well-wishers in passing, as if it¡¯s the most surreal thing ever. I can see Hunter¡¯s back with a struggling pair of legs sticking out to one side. They disappear behind a swaying velvet curtain and I have the urge to go follow them in a hurry. ¡°Put me down ¡­ NOW!¡± there¡¯s an unmistakable yell as we get into the cooler night air and dim lights. Jake pulls the doors closed behind us and a waiter inside draws the curtains instinctively. I blink back at the movement and catch a tight look on Jake¡¯s face. It makes me wonder if he issued themand for privacy. Or maybe the staff of this establishment are used to safeguarding its high-profile clientele from the media. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever get used to their intruding presence. Jake pulls me in front of him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders now we¡¯re about seven feet away from the pair. Le is sitting as stiff and as straight as she can in his hold. Her legs taught and knees together, arms folded across her chest, staring straight ahead to avoid his re. It would be almostical if it weren¡¯t for that hopeless look on Hunter¡¯s face as he gazes at the rigid little woman in his arms. I can see the love he has for her pouring out like a waterfall. ¡°Not until you tell me you¡¯re going to break up with that asshole, Le.¡± Daniel is beyond livid, speaking through gritted teeth, sounding every bit the jealous boyfriend. I nce at Jake aware of another simrity and catch him smirking back at me. At least he knows it. Daniel has an air of aggression that Jake usually emanates and for a moment I think he might chuck Le on the ground. The way he¡¯s taking in her stubborn face and closed-off posture I wouldn¡¯t me him right now. The girl is more stubborn than me and has less ability to give any leeway. ¡°He wants to marry me. Why would I dump a guy who actually wants love andmitment from me?¡± She spits at him sarcastically, wriggling instead, realizing neither of them are going to back down with this odd standoff. Daniel drops Le down onto her own feet and yanks her around to face him with a little too much fury. He¡¯s holding her by the upper arms, so they are inches apart, ducking his head to try to bridge their height difference. I tense up, ready to wade in at his vtile behavior, but Jake¡¯s arms on me tighten. He obviously knows Daniel would never physically hurt her or I would be behind him right now. Chapter 230 Chapter 230 ¡°I¡¯m not there yet, Le. Okay? I¡¯ve only just started getting my fucking head together but I¡¯m doing this for you. Can¡¯t you see that? I¡¯m trying to sort my shit out, so I can be that guy who gives you love and commitment. I asked you to give me time and I fucking meant it. I wanted you to just give me a chance and wait for me. I fucking love you!¡± Daniel sounds ravaged and Le¡¯s stance crumbles a little. I open my mouth in shock at what he¡¯s just said but Le turns on him, usingly, sheer anger in her little body as she tries to bring her height up to his by stretching. ¡°So, I¡¯m supposed to just hold my fucking breath and wait? For how long? Put my life on hold while you figure out if you really can give a shit about one woman? In the meantime, we do what, exactly? You still fucking around and me twiddling my thumbs?¡± She starts to cry as her words tumble out of her mouth, her body sagging in defeat and Daniel softens too, his grasp on her arms loosening and he slides both hands down to bring her palms to his chest. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to navigate this. You know I¡¯ve never been here before! I¡¯ve never wanted to fix this or go down this route Le. All I know is that when we get close to something real, I freak out and run. I¡¯m terrified that if I try to date you right now, I¡¯m going to do it again. I don¡¯t want to keep hurting you that way.¡± There¡¯s sheer fear in his eyes, pleading, and his body is almost all but curled around her. At least he¡¯s honest. Another Jake trait. ¡°You don¡¯t know if you don¡¯t try.¡± Jake cuts in tly, from his position behind me. His arms around my shoulders and his back to the closed patio door. ¡°Just saying.¡± He shrugs, and I can feel his smirk as Daniel eyes him up and Le stays intensely focused on Daniel¡¯s profile. I can feel her willing him to make a choice¡ªa real one. ¡°I don¡¯t want to keep hurting you.¡± He looks at Le and even from his tall, over six-foot height, to her tiny, five-foot odd, they still manage to lock eyes. No one can deny the electrical surge sparking all around them, an ever-present hum whenever these two get close. I wonder if Jake and I exude the same thing and he instinctively pulls his arms up around me a little more firmly. ¡°You¡¯re hurting me now. By doing this. This nothing. This waiting thing.¡± She cries quietly, and he slowly lifts a hand to, tenderly, brush away the tears on her cheeks. She just ps it away and he lifts his hand back up to try again, ignoring the furious little wildness in the girl he loves. Hisck of reaction shows just how used to Le¡¯s outbursts Hunter really is and how tolerant he is. I wonder if the other man could so easily brush off her violent tendencies and passionate true self quite so effortlessly. Daniel seems to be taking moments to think and his eyes never leave that little blonde head as she stares at their feet on the ground between them. Her body is emanating all kinds of aggressive self-defense, but he holds tight. ¡°Tell Kurt it¡¯s over and give me a chance Le. I¡¯m willing to swallow my fear and try if that¡¯s what you want. I can¡¯t promise I¡¯m not going to fuck things up and make mistakes, but I can¡¯t stand the thought of you being with anyone else anymore. Too many years we¡¯ve done this ande around in circles. I just want you, and no one else. It¡¯s never been anyone else.¡± It¡¯s barely above a whisper, but we all hear it loud and clear, oozing inplete sincerity. ¡°By try you mean stop fucking around with me and other women? Stop acting like some man-whore on a mission to bed everyone in the northern hemisphere?!¡± Le lifts her chin and res at him fully. She¡¯s not for backing down just yet and I wouldn¡¯t expect anything less of her. She is a spitting little fireball, even with love derations and promises of more, still not quite ready to trust him. ¡°I mean by dating you, Le, exclusively, and seeing where this goes. No fucking other women, if you swear you¡¯ll stop fucking other men. Stop seeing other men all together.¡± Now he sounds deadly serious, that jealous tone is back in full fury, his intense gaze boring into her eyes. He tilts his head, so she can¡¯t escape it. They are obviously more alike than I thought. ¡°What? You didn¡¯t bring a date?¡± Le is still holding out, still being a defiant little pest and still meeting his eyes with a huge amount of attitude. I sigh at her. Jake¡¯s soft chuckle under his breath from behind shows me he¡¯s thinking the same thing. Le is a fighter until the very end, but you¡¯ve got to admire that about her, and I¡¯m sure by his patient demeanor, it¡¯s one of the many things Hunter loves about her. Daniel isn¡¯t even remotely intimidated by the wild little hellcat before him or the hateful tone she¡¯s throwing his way. He just smooths her hair behind her ear, not flinching when another pes his way, and the sound echoes around us. I knew you two were a match. ¡°No dates and no women. None since the night we picked you up from that bar and you told me you hated me. That hit me more than any p in the face. You have to believe me on this, Le.¡± He¡¯s leaning in, trying to get her to look back at him, but she¡¯s intent on looking anywhere else. I notice when she shes her eyes our way that she¡¯s crying. Le doesn¡¯t do vulnerable very often and she doesn¡¯t want him to see the affect he¡¯s having on her. She¡¯s fighting him to thest. Le looks this way again and chews her lip, swallowing hard, as she tries to gain control of her emotions. She catches Jake¡¯s eye over my head and I¡¯ve no idea what look he returns but she pulls her head down to face her feet, inplete defeat. She thinks long and hard, leaning into agonizing long moments of silence. ¡°You must be suffering a lot right now then? It¡¯s not like you to go five minutes without a woman and sex.¡± She nces our way, a look on her face I don¡¯t understand, as Jake chuckles under his breath. I have no idea what I¡¯m missing, but something seems to be funny. ¡°I don¡¯t want anyone else, Le. Sex is great yeah, but with you it¡¯s mind blowing and nothing else compares. Why would I want anything else?¡± Daniel uses his fingers to tip her chin back to his and this time she doesn¡¯t resist. His eyes find hers, drawing her close with an arm around her waist, he begs ¡°Give me a chance, Le. Please.¡± ¡°Maybe I need a reminder.¡± Le sniffs quietly, that little defiant chin stuck up, a re on her face too cute to be intimidating. Daniel smiles as Jake shifts behind me and leans forward, closer to my ear. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°Come on. They don¡¯t need us here for what¡¯s going to happen next.¡± I look dumbfounded at the two, still standing feet apart in some sort of quiet standoff, silently regarding one another but Jake pulls me with him. We shouldn¡¯t leave those two to self-implode. I¡¯m obviously slow on the uptake because I have no clue of what he thinks is going to happen. He turns me away guiding us toward the ss doors and opens them into the overly bright room. I squint my eyes as they adjust, and I nce at him as confused as I can be. ¡°What do you think they¡¯re going to do?¡± I blink, trying to adjust to the brightness, his arm loops casually around my neck and he draws me against him with a kiss to the temple. ¡°Isn¡¯t it obvious?¡± Jake winks down at me. But I still can¡¯t gain any sense from how we left the two of them out there. He forgets I¡¯m not as wise in the acts of sex, love, and rtionships as the rest of the poption. I didn¡¯t see any foregone conclusion to that little scene we just abandoned. I shake my head inplete nk mind mode. ¡°Something I seriously wish I could do right now,¡± he sighs and frowns at me with a spark of sheer regret, a flicker of pain, replying, ¡°Much-needed reunion sex, Emma.¡± Oh. That ¡­ Chapter 231 Chapter 231 I stare at the cell in my hands for the hundredth time and sigh. My mother¡¯s name is on the screen staring at me and I¡¯ve contemted pressing dial a million times. I should tell her about the baby and our engagement. She¡¯s my mother and yet something inside of me is holding back. It¡¯s been days since the restaurant and here I am sitting in the huge, empty garden of Sylvana¡¯s home agonizing over what to do. Jakees strolling out to me, carrying a nket and a hot drink,ing level to my face with a look of adoration in his eyes. He drapes the nket around my shoulders carefully and slides the mug in front of me kissing me on the temple. ¡°Still undecided?¡± he asks gently, slipping onto the bench beside me and sits with it between his legs so he can face me and pull me close in between them, nuzzling me against him, cradling my head with his palm. His fingers thread themselves into my hair in the way he always does. I close my eyes at the feel of him, surrounded by his unique smell, driving away anything but a feeling of serenity. ¡°How we left things. What I feel about her now. It¡¯s all so confusing.¡± I sigh against his chest,pletely confused. ¡°I can¡¯t make this choice for you, baby.¡± Jake pulls my head up while he angles down to look at me, my head nestling into the crook of his neck, automatically his hand smooths over my abdomen and I get that inner swell of warm emotion. I¡¯ve been thinking about little tadpole more as ofte, more frequently and more affectionately; no longer hit with the tremors of despair that I had in the beginning. We had an appointment with the OBGYN yesterday, making everything real. Jake was his usual domineering self and tried to intimidate the poor doctor when he realized my specialist is a male. The unamused look on Jake¡¯s face at finding out Dr. Sandy Jones wasn¡¯t the female he¡¯d expected was hrious, for me anyway. His posture grew by about a foot and Boss Carrero appeared in full fury in all his glory. Jake went into feral jealous mode and glowered any time the poor man put his hands on me. Temper bristling as he held my hand in a deathly grip and watched with gritted teeth as the doctor listened to my heart and took my blood pressure. Jake still has this no touching rule when ites to men and as much as I wanted to be mad and tell him it was ridiculous I found myself giggling instead; which only made his brow furrow more prominently and therefore give me more amusement in the process. He was trying so hard to be good, sit still and say nothing but his face said it all. When the doctor suggested an internal test, called a sonogram, I thought Jake would rip his head off his shoulders. ¡°No. No fucking way is anyone sticking anything anywhere near Emma until that babyes out!¡± Jake was in full aggressive mode and the poor guy could only raise his hands in defense trying to sooth Jake¡¯s very angry feathers. No sonogram, and no more touching of any kind. I was rapidly pulled into hisp and encircled protectively like a wolf guarding it¡¯s kill with an expression that clearly said, if you touch her again, I¡¯ll actually kill you with my bare hands. Poor Jake. I didn¡¯t help make anything better, falling into a giggling fit, finding the whole situation hrious, the poor doctor. I couldn¡¯t answer any questions without tears filling my eyes anytime I caught sight of Jake¡¯s violent re. In the end my demeanor softened Jake enough for the doctor to get within five feet of me and finish our appointment. I know I¡¯ll probably never see that poor man again. Jake was on the phone as soon as he ushered me out of the office in his very tight embrace. He barked orders at whatever poor soul was on the other end of the phone, bidding them to find a list of the top female obstetricians in New York. * * * It reminds me of the Jake I miss like crazy. The one I have yet to seduce. If only I could get my head to calm down over these confused emotions about my mother, so I can concentrate on seducing Jake back to his former glorious self. Theck of sex is starting to show on both of us. He isn¡¯t himself without it and I¡¯m not myself without him being that way. His over-sexed and kinky nature is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and it¡¯s really starting to take its toll on my emotions. He jogs like a maniac, daily, hitting the gym, and has a new trainer putting him through boxing training three times a week, trying to kill the excess frustration not being able to have sex has given him. He¡¯s burying his head in work and when he¡¯s frustrated the poor employees on the phone are often yelled at. He¡¯s mean and short with everyone except me, acting like a bear with a sore head most of the time. He has tried to pleasure me in other ways. Jake¡¯s got many tricks and methods in his armory that don¡¯t require full-on sex, but I stopped him. Until he gives me himself fully, I don¡¯t want any substitutes at all. It¡¯s not the same. This means I am also severely grouchy and sexually frustrated while living with a man who is the walking breathing epitome of sexiness and it¡¯s killing me. I bring my head back to my cell, and my mother, in hopes of finding some sort of solution to at least one of my problems today. ¡°If I don¡¯t tell her then this will just keep bugging me every day until I do.¡± I sigh heavily, curling up into him, wishing life could be as simple as it feels anytime I snuggle up in his embrace. Nothing can touch me here and nothing can infiltrate those arms and that aggressive demeanor when he¡¯s in protector mode. I just want to stay inside my Jake bubble. Jake is my home in every way. ¡°How do you think she¡¯ll react? Are you afraid she won¡¯t take the news well?¡± Jake is trying to figure out what¡¯s holding me back. It¡¯s hard for him to understand a mother who wouldn¡¯t want to know that her only child is engaged and pregnant but then, his mother is Sylvana and he has no way topare. His mother is the walking definition of motherhood, no wonder she produced such amazing sons. ¡°I honestly don¡¯t think there will be a reaction, maybe she won¡¯t acknowledge it at all.¡± I shrug and as his arm moves further around me, nting a kiss on the top of my head as an attempt to sooth me. How can anyone not feel loved when they have someone like Jake? He¡¯s the walking and breathing perfection of my life. He knows what I need as effortlessly as breathing and never fails to deliver. ¡°It¡¯s her grandchild, surely that will push some kind of emotion?¡± Jake sounds unsure but I¡¯m not. My mother only cares about things that pertain to her and her life. Getting married and having a child, cementing the fact that I¡¯m nevere home to take care of her again is not something she¡¯d want to hear. These revtions won¡¯t enhance her life, so I don¡¯t have any hope of stirring up some long forgotten maternal warmth from her. I need to once and for all realize, I¡¯m chasing the love of a woman incapable of giving it. For whatever reason, my mother has never been able to give me what I deserved and I¡¯m certainly not going to get it now. Maybe some women just miss that essential gene; and I hope I¡¯m not going to be one of them. The fierceness of that thought has me cradling my stomach protectively. My mother¡¯s never spoken of her own childhood, her parents died before I was born, and I never knew them. Her past is a closed book and I only know the life she put me through. Maybe there¡¯s some deeper cause that created Jocelyn Anderson but one thing I know for certain, I am not going to be the mother that she is. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. I stare down at my stomach, a swelling sensation in my chest and an ache in my throat as I trail my fingertips across the t expanse. I will be a mother who gives a shit; a mother who cuddles her child, kisses them, and tells them that she loves them. A mother who picks up her child and walks out of Jake¡¯s life if he ever dares to hurt either of us no matter how much I love him. Because that¡¯s what a mother is supposed to do; put her child above anyone and everything and fight like hell to protect it. That¡¯s the mother Sylvana is and the type Le¡¯s adoptive mother is too. A surge inside of me swells at an rming rate, an anger bubbling forth at the thought of what has been denied me my whole life; a given right to any child. I sit up suddenly and lift my chin defiantly, immediately so sure about what I need to do. ¡°I want to look her in the eye when I tell her, Jake. I want to see how she reacts because when I tell her, I¡¯ll also say goodbye; once and for all. No child of mine is ever going to know the pain of rejection that woman can inflict, and I won¡¯t give her a chance to try with our baby. I want her to know but not give her a chance to change because she never will, but to give myself some closure and knowing that she found out from me.¡± My revtiones from nowhere, the dots connecting in my mind, and now the words are there between us it¡¯s as clear as day to me. If I let that women linger in my life the way I always did, this to and fro thing I used to allow, I will be inflicting her on my baby. I will be hurting my child by letting that kind of poison linger in its life, and I¡¯m not about to do that. I am the protector now, the nurturer and the mother, and I¡¯ll be damned if that woman, with her toxic love, is going to poison my baby¡¯s life. There¡¯s no doubt in my decision and as Jake¡¯s eyes scrutinize me, I know one thing for sure. ¡°Jake, I need to do this on my own. You cane to Chicago with me, but I need to face her alone for onest time.¡± It¡¯s just something I need to do; this has always been between her and I. I¡¯m going back to see her, in the way that I left her so long ago, with my mind made up about the direction of my life without her in it. Chapter 232 Chapter 232 Jake holds the keys out in front of me, swinging his hand just out of reach like a torturous ything and I lean up to swipe them. He lifts them higher and hits my mouth with a kiss when I try for a second time. He has a happy yful smirk on his face and his sexy stubbly jaw looks very delicious this morning to match his very good mood. ¡°Stop tormenting me and open the damn door.¡± I giggle, and step back, folding my arms across my chest in a no-nonsense Carrero pose. I try to appear authoritative, but he just frowns and tweaks my nose in the most annoying way. ¡°Ask me nicely.¡± He grins and lifts them higher above his head with a wicked look in his eye. He¡¯s been like this since he got up and I¡¯m enjoying the return of yful Jake. It¡¯s been almost non-existenttely and I can only sigh at him. ¡°Please, Jake ¡­ loving, gorgeous, beautiful man of mine. Can I have the keys to our new home? Thank you very much!¡± I pout at him with a sickly-sweet voice, oozing sarcasm. My hands on his magnificent chest, imploringly, in a very sexy ck sweater. ¡°Nope.¡± He turns in front of me walking toward the front door we¡¯ve been standing a few feet from and I scowl, viciously, jokingly at his back. Asshole. He wants me to beg. He seems to get a kick out of ittely, torturing me over thesest few days, some sort of sexual gratitude. Not that I mind. Jake in fun and yful mode is almost as good as Jake in sex mode. OK not even a close almost. I walk up behind him sliding my hands into the butt pockets of his jeans as he unlocks the door. My hands t against his pert ass, enjoying the way I can grope every movement of his body. It makes me ache for him more and my temperature climbs as my eyes devour that muscr set of shoulders straining under his ck smooth knitted sweater. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. He opens the door and pulls me in with him, pressing numbers into a keypad on the wall beside the door, shutting off the infernal beeping that started the second the door opened. I gaze around the grand entrance at the white marble floor and sweeping staircase almost a mirror image to the Carrero house next door with a surge ofplete excitement. This is ours. Jake and I have a home together, a new start. We really are home. He reaches behind and pulls my hands out of his pockets turning to face me, bending down to scoop me up in his arms. I squeal with the sudden motion and I¡¯m met with a full-on passionate kiss. Tongues, teeth, and smiles. ¡°Get a room.¡± Le¡¯s voice cuts into our intense meeting of mouths and I lift my head as shezily saunters in. Jake told her we were getting the keys today and she assured him she wasing over as soon as, to get first dibs on a guest room. Her timing is impable. ¡°I thought that¡¯s what we were here to do?¡± Daniel walks in behind her and I can¡¯t help but throw her a smile with raised eyebrows. He goes to ce a hand on her shoulder, and she pulls away, throwing him a defiant little look, met with a sigh from Hunter. Still torturing the boy then. Oh, Le give him a break, even a little one. He¡¯s really trying. Jake told me that Le has been making life as difficult for Hunter as possible since our engagement party. At least he¡¯s clinging on, so far anyway. He just needs to break through her wall of hostility and prove himself worthy to her. She has so much to guard considering their past history. ¡°Go ahead. I¡¯m taking Emma on a tour to refresh our memories.¡± Jake smiles at Daniel encouragingly, and we watch as he wanders off after his little hell-cat, trying to get a hold of her, being met with little ps on the hand each time and quiet, I don¡¯t think so¡¯s. It¡¯s obvious that Le has no intention of letting Daniel in just yet and it amazes me that he¡¯s following her around so tolerantly. ¡°What¡¯s going on with them?¡± I ask. ¡°A lot of angry sex and Le trying like hell to push him away ¡­ That girl is hell bent on making him hurt her because it¡¯s what she¡¯s expecting.¡± He shrugs and carries me toward therge downstairs formal lounge, sliding me to my feet when we walk into the huge nk room. All the furniture is gone, despite the owners leaving some included in the sale. Jake wanted us to start from scratch and choose everything together. ¡°And Daniel?¡± I look back through the door, but they¡¯ve disappeared. ¡°Has been well and truly forewarned that he only gets one shot at this. Honestly, I think he kinda likes her behavior, he¡¯s always been a warped kind of guy.¡± Jake grins and I can¡¯t tell if he¡¯s joking or being serious. I try not to wonder too much. I know one thing for sure ¡­ Hunter needs to y this right because Le is done with being hurt by him; there will be no second chance this time. She wants him to prove he has what it takes to be with her, and she¡¯s going to put him through a lot worse before he gets past that wall. I just hope he has what it takes to persevere. I turn my attention back to the room as Jake wanders off to pull the drapes wide open, letting the sunshine in and dazzling me momentarily. Somehow, without furniture, the ce seems monumentally bigger, the huge floor to ceiling windows frame the view, taking my breath away instantly. I turn slowly and scan around; this room has onerge open firece and a distinct marble mantle on a far wall. It¡¯s hard not to imagine this room filled withfy furniture, expensive Christmas trees, and trimmings by a roaring log fire. ¡°Dime for your thoughts?¡± Jake cuts into my daydream of children opening presents on a warm furry rug on a snowy day, and I break into a smile. ¡°Just imagining this room with furniture.¡± I blush, a happy surge at where my mind was. ¡°I was imagining this room with a huge roaring fire and serious plush rug down there.¡± Jake smiles and nods at the floor where I¡¯d been imagining the same thing. I wonder if we had the same thoughts on the rug. ¡°Great ce to fuck.¡± He winks cheekily. Yeah, I guess not. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that is.¡± I smile sassily, and he sighs, bopping me on the nose with a fingertip. We¡¯ve been making jokes about theck of sextely. I guess in a bid to try to get our head around the emotional barrier that Jake still has, one I can no longer understand. We¡¯vee so far and yet he still doesn¡¯t attempt to touch me that way. I¡¯ve never pushed because I don¡¯t want to be rejected again. ¡°Well y your cards right, shorty, and I might be talked into trying again. I can¡¯t keep beating the shit out boxing bags for the next few months. I can¡¯t handle looking at you and not doing anything about it.¡± His pained gaze tells me he¡¯s obviously been thinking about this a whole lot more recently than he lets on. My ears prick up and I pass him my wanton look below loweredshes with more than a little hope simmering. ¡°Keep looking at me like that and it¡¯ll convince me to try right now.¡± He groans and walks off toward the doorway as though reeling himself back in. Jake is walking off again, like he does anytime it looks remotely like something will happen with us, and again that huge surge of disappointment hits me painfully. ¡°I¡¯m not stopping you from trying right now.¡± I retort huskily, throwing him my best seductive look, mustering all the sexual prowess I can, willing him toe back to me. He pauses in the doorway, appraising me for a moment. I can tell he¡¯s arguing with himself over whether he should or shouldn¡¯t. The moment is broken by a bang above our heads and we both look toward the ceiling in surprise. There¡¯s another thud, not as loud this time, followed by some smaller noises and then the unmistakable noise of Le moaning. Oh, my fucking God. Really. ¡°For the love of God, the wrong fucking people are christening this damned house.¡± Jake snarls, bristling at another man marking his territory and without warning he storms toward me, lifts me up around his waist, pulling my legs around him and backs me against the wall a little too aggressively for how he¡¯s beentely. His mouth hits mine with force and he braces all my weight on his hips. His handse to undo my wool cardigan and push it back over my shoulders rapidly. He¡¯s obviously got his mind hell bent on his purpose, fueled by the couple upstairs taking away what is his right in our new house. I mentally tell myself to thank Leter. Or Hunter, as this is probably more of a male pissing on another¡¯s territory kind of thing and it¡¯s doing the trick. Right now, though, I¡¯m too zoned in on what his mouth is doing to mine, sudden exhrating heat coursing through me with the fact that Jake is attempting sex again finally after so freaking long. He stopped trying to initiate it after the first few times and judging by the intense way his hands are roaming over me, he¡¯s managed to build himself into a lust-filled fury without any help from me at all. Okay maybe a tiny little bit of persuasion ¡­ and a lot of help from upstairs. His tongue slides into my mouth as I grasp my arms around his neck, our bodies pressed close, and I can¡¯t help but grind against him mercilessly. Jake feels better than good, so much so that I almost forgot what this feels like, it¡¯s like realizing a fantasy all over again. I slide one hand down to the hem off his T-shirt and yank it up. rewarded with his helping hand as his top is soon lying on the floor behind us exposing all that chiseled muscle and tattooed sexiness that has me panting. He pulls my dress up, moving his hands up my thighs slowly, his mouth trailing to my neck as I buck and arch at the way he feels. No sign of any wavering libido or confusing and conflicting thoughts from him anyway. I missed every second of this, wanted every single one of his erotic touches so badly that I¡¯ve dreamed of him around me, and inside of me and woke many a time after experiencing the craziest sleep orgasms known to womanhood that I didn¡¯t even know existed. The surge of pregnancy hormones has only served to make all those feelings more intense. He cups me from underneath, his thumb pulling myce panties to one side and I gasp in pleasure at the connection, I slide my hand to his waist band and yank open the buttons of his jeans with little effort ¡­ given that he¡¯s pushed against me so hard. I slide and wiggle my fingers into his jeans, finding the source of what they ache for and I¡¯m practically singing in happiness, I¡¯m so ready for this kind of reunion. Long awaited. This is really happening, God. Chapter 233 Chapter 233 Jake groans against my neck as my hand closes around him inside his boxers. I almost jerk out of his hands with pleasure as his fingers find what I¡¯ve wanted from him for weeks. Lack of touch down there has me at my most sensitive and I can tell already that I¡¯ll cum the second he really is inside of me and not just those wickedly good fingers. Jake¡¯s mouth captures mine again as he slides his hand in a rhythmic motion and I start the familiar internal building of hot waves and clenching pleasure. It¡¯s happening too fast, weeks of not being touched is making my body long to climax. I¡¯m over-sensitive and at this rate it¡¯s going to be over before it¡¯s started. I don¡¯t want it that way. I want to savor this and enjoy it. I have him back, in his entirety, and I want it to be everything I¡¯ve been dreaming of. ¡°Jake wait.¡± I pant, as my legs start trembling. I don¡¯t want it this way, I want us to get past this emotional barrier he has and have him inside of me, all hot hardness of him. If he makes me finish before he starts, then he might not follow through and I need him more than air right now. I need his body and mine as one. He buries his face in my neck again, kissing me and pushing further into the rhythm our grinding has created with subtle moans. ¡°Jake? Emma?¡± A voice rings through the house rather loudly. The familiar song of a woman that you don¡¯t want catching you up against a wall with her son; semi-naked and about to screw you. Jake immediately snaps his head up and looks at me in sheer surprise. ¡°Fuck, it¡¯s my mom.¡± Jake pulls his hand out of me, slides me down to my feet and hauls down my dress, throwing a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth before retrieving his T-shirt from the floor and yanking it on crazily in one fell swoop; a move suggesting this isn¡¯t the first time he¡¯s almost been caught red handed by her. Noooooooooooo! I huff and pick up my cardigan, previously discarded on the floor next to me. Jake adjusts himself and buttons his jeans in almost lightening sh speed, already walking toward the door to go see Sylvana, while I sort myself back from the frazzled horny mess we¡¯ve gotten ourselves into. My face is on fire and my body is screaming for release, tingling in a crazy motion, making me as grouchy as sin. I want to cry right now or just kick something ¡­ really, really, hard. We were so goddamn close! Jake was so close to getting over whatever this bloody stupid fucking thing is. I stomp around in a circle, buttoning up my cardigan and straightening my dress, trying hard to bring some calm to the fury of hormones ravaging me. Maybe smashing something will help. We were so close to him trying again but now, with the interruption from his mother, I¡¯m not sure he will do that anymore, especially if cooling off while talking to Sylvana gives him time to re-think all this; make him go back to not wanting to try at all. It was unnned andpletely fueled by the thought of Daniel and Le marking his territory. I could scream right now! How on Earth am I going to find a way to get that spark back in him to where we¡¯d almost been? My skin is still tingling with the memory of his touch and I am sure as hell not going back to its absence. That sizzling sensation on my body has me aching with longing, a pain so intense that I am not, in any way, going to let this go. I need Jake to have sex with me or I am going to go insane. I wander out into the hall and am greeted with the sight of mother and son talking. Jake looks unruffled and normal, not that it surprises me, even after full-blown, mind-numbing sex he has a knack for lookingpletely fine. Sylvana, on the other hand, looks flustered andpletely ufortable. There¡¯s an embarrassingly loud wailing sound echoing our way from upstairs, which is so much louder out here than in the room I just left, traveling due to having no furniture or no floor coverings in the empty echoing house. Sylvana¡¯s face turns beetroot as the noise pitches higher. Yes, we¡¯re standing here listening to Le having what sounds like an earth-shattering orgasm right now ¡­ Lovely. ¡°So, yeah, I¡¯ll bring Emma over soon, Mamma. We won¡¯t be long.¡± Jake kisses her on the cheek and walks her to the door talking loudly to cover the moans still happening overhead, trying his hardest to get her out the door fast. Jake is still an old-fashioned boy at heart and subjecting his mother to any kind of sexual noise is almost as painful for him as it is for her. He looks positively agitated. I¡¯m trying not to count how many seconds it¡¯ssting, annoyed, with green-eyed jealousy as I re at Jake¡¯s back, a little moodily, and curse internally at our interruption. It should be me making all that noise. I don¡¯t know why Sylvana was here, or if her departure is because of the obviously cringe worthy noises upstairs, but I can¡¯t help but sigh with disappointment. The noise upstairs reaches its pinnacle with a rather embarrassing long drawn out scream and then deafening silence. Thank God for that. Jake shuts the front door and looks toward the ceiling with a hint of the Carrero Death re before walking back to me a little slowly. He lets out a long breath and nces back at the door as though checking his mother ispletely out of ear shot. ¡°Remind meter to beat the shit out of Danny.¡± He grumbles and takes my hand loosely. I immediately get the vibe that what started between us is not going to continue at all. He has that whole aura of distance again with a calm and gentlemanly touch that screams celibate. ¡°Why¡¯d your mom leave so soon?¡± I ask with more than a little attitude. Jake looks at me, with a frown and raised eyebrowbo, pointing out the obvious. Ah okay. So maybe I would¡¯ve run off too if I hadn¡¯t been in the middle of trying to achieve the same noises myself. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°About before, Emma, maybe we should leave it for a bit.¡± Jake avoids looking at me. That urge to bash him on the head takes me over, disappointed rage and crazy hormones rise, hitting me hard. I goddamn knew it. ¡°Not a fucking chance.¡± I snap inplete tantrum mode and yank my hand out of his. ¡°I¡¯ve had enough of this, you¡¯re more than capable as you''ve just proven and if you don¡¯t make good on what you started in there at some point today ¡­ then I¡¯m going back to Queens until you fucking well do!¡± I spit harshly, lifting my chin toward him inplete frustration, weeks of pent-up sexual desire kicking in. Jake gawps, totally taken aback by this sudden and very loud verbal defiance and raises his hands in defense. ¡°Emma ¡­¡± Jake puts a hand to my face, and I p it away, a Le type maneuvering in handy. I am so beyond angry right now and theck of sex between us has finallye to a head. I can¡¯t handle this anymore, it¡¯s torture. ¡°Don¡¯t goddamn ¡°Emma¡± me!¡± Tears prick at my eyes through sheer exasperation. This situation is getting beyond ridiculous and if I¡¯m being honest it¡¯s not just about theck of sex either. ¡°You don¡¯t want me, do you?¡± I spit as tears start falling hard. ¡°You don¡¯t get the same lust that I used to make you feel?¡± His face crumbles as he steps toward me, but I step back. He looks devastated which only upsets me more, but makes me think that maybe, finally, I¡¯ve hit a nerve. ¡°Baby?¡± He tries to reach out for me again, but I hit his hand away, harder than before, fueled by heartbreak and emotions cruising through me at speed; pain aching inside. ¡°No. Don¡¯t touch me unless you¡¯re going to have sex with me! Do you have any idea how it feels having you go from being unable to keep your hands off me to this?¡± I wipe the tear away from my chin, angrily, moving anytime he tries to catch hold of me. Every frustration of the past few weeks bubbling to the surface in an extreme emotional breakdown and raging insecurity raising an ugly tortured head. ¡°It¡¯s not like that, Emma ¡­ You know I still want you that way.¡± He¡¯s trying but I¡¯m not interested in hearing it, so fueled by hormones and frustration, my irrational mood moving back in. His actions ofte haven¡¯t shown me that he still feels that way, and now it¡¯s no longer good enough to just hope. ¡°I want the Jake Carrero with zero ability to stop lust and love consuming him. The guy who screwed me in the back of a limo and the guy who pushed me against a hotel wall. Where is he? Because that¡¯s who I fucking need!¡± I¡¯m stomping around waving my hands, letting all fury loose, Teen Emma throwing her ponytail back in defiance. ¡°Emma, I don¡¯t know what else to say.¡± Jake¡¯s face is a mix of panic and pain, holding up his hands in a defensive manner, and he has no clue how to handle my sudden outburst or this version of me at all. This was supposed to be a happy day, getting the keys to our first home, anding to see it now that it¡¯s all ours. It¡¯s ruined because our friends were too horny to get out of this house before having a quickie and it makes me aware that they are behaving exactly like we used to. ¡°You haven¡¯t touched me that way since you kissed her!¡± I snap loudly, and his expression instantly turns sheepish. I swear I see the blood drain from his face, and I falter for a moment; as a tiny sh of doubt, from that bitch¡¯s words,es back to haunt me. Maybe he did do more than kiss her? I shake it away as stupid. ¡°I know.¡± He drops his gaze to the floor and closes his eyes. ¡°I know how this looks, bambino, but it¡¯s not like that. Hurting you, breaking up and then the baby, it fucked my head up more than I know how to exin, and I¡¯m scared to have sex with you.¡± His voice is low and sincere, and it stops my rampant storming around, almost instantly. I turn to him more calmly, holding the crazy still for an exnation. ¡°Because of the baby? Talk to me, Jake, because this is killing me.¡± I beg him, moving toward him, holding onto the hem of his jumper like a vulnerable child, trying to understand. ¡°Every time I get close, Emma, all I can see is the way you looked at me that night. It¡¯s not just about the baby it¡¯s about how much I hurt you!¡± His eyese to meet mine and flit down to my mouth, unable to rest on one feature, from eyes to mouth and back as though all he¡¯s thinking about is kissing me. I¡¯m shocked into silence by this unexpected confession. ¡°What do you mean?¡± I breathe softly. His slides his hands over my shoulders and he me closer, so we¡¯re nose to nose. Chapter 234 Chapter 234 ¡°I told you I needed to learn to forgive myself too and that¡¯s what¡¯s stopping me. I haven¡¯t forgiven myself for hurting you. It doesn¡¯t matter that you seem to be able to forgive me and love me. I still feel like aplete shitty asshole for what I did to you. I don¡¯t deserve every part of you back, Emma. When I look at you it kills me that I hurt you, this perfect, angelic, trusting face, that looks at me like I¡¯m her everything. Don¡¯t you see how much it hurts to know the sadness you carried in these beautiful eyes for the past few months is because of me? Not some bastard from your past but me ¡­ That I hurt you, baby. I never wanted to be that guy to you. When you told me what happened to you, I swore to myself, right there and then, that I¡¯d never do that to you. That I¡¯d never do anything to put that look of devastation there again, but I did, and I saw it, and no matter how hard I¡¯ve tried I can¡¯t get your broken face out of my head anytime I think of touching you that way.¡± Jake¡¯s voice breaks. His hands tighten on my shoulders and he clears his throat in a bid to dislodge the intense emotions caught there. I am stupefied into silence. My head is racing around in circles unable to formte one sentence with the mish mash of thoughts brimming through my brain. My heart aching between love at what he¡¯s saying, how deeply scarred it has made him and by sadness that he can¡¯t ovee it the way I have. ¡°Jake ¡­ If I can forgive you, then all of this is stupid.¡± I blink up at him and see nothing but guilt and self-hatred looking back. This is never what I wanted for him; this is not how I want him to still feel about what he did. I need to fix this, because this is not the Jake I want, or the one I know he can be. I lift my hand to his on my shoulder and clutch it, pulling it down, then turn withplete determination and yank him with me. He follows obediently like a child as though he somehow knows I¡¯m in no mood to be questioned or refused. I storm straight for the front hall, hauling him with me at speed before he can protest. I turn at the stair and pull him after me. He¡¯s beingpliant, letting me for the first time in existence be the one to take charge without argument; a part of me tells me he wants this as much as I do. I¡¯m empowered and not in the mood for any resistance. Daniel and Le appear at the top of the stairs as wee level with them looking a little disheveled. Daniel is sporting a bloody noise and a grin like the Cheshire Cat; I don¡¯t want to know. They obviously have some severely kinky preferences and Daniel is more than able to handle Le at her absolute worst. She seems to look a little less aggressive at least and as his hand is on her ass without any refusal from her, I assume it¡¯s all good. ¡°Let yourself out, we will resume whateverter ¡­ Don¡¯t wait for us.¡± Imand and give Jake another demanding yank behind me. He just follows obediently with absolutely no expression on his face. He¡¯s probably mulling over everything he said in the kitchen and wondering if I am having some sort of psychotic break that he should indulge in because of me being fragile and pregnant ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t put it past him. I catch Daniel throwing a cautious look over my head at Jake. He seems confused but sees some sort of sign in Jake¡¯s face that satisfies him so they both slide past us and head down the stairs. Le giggles as she mumbles ¡°about time.¡± The sound of a pped ass echoes our way and they disappear out the door. I lead Jake in a verymanding manner to the biggest bedroom of the house. The one that previously held the huge four poster bed, the one I¡¯ve already chosen as our bedroom. It¡¯s the master suite of the whole house with the best view and I¡¯ll make a goddamn start on iming my home! Bedroom first. It has thick plush carpets that are still here, and drapes left hung on the windows. I let go of Jake at the door and walk into the room toward the windows, grabbing the curtains and drawing them hastily. My mindpletely made up, set on what I¡¯m going to do to fix this little situation. Jake has spent the past couple of months fixing my emotional issues for me and I am sure as hell going to do it to him in true grand Carrero style. Never take no for an answer and don¡¯t back down when what you want shows resistance. I¡¯m going to earn my future surname. Turning to the middle of the room I march forward and immediately start taking off all my clothes in a confident non-caring manner. Completely unbashful and not giving an actual fuck that the door is still open. I watch him stand a little taller, raising an eyebrow as he watches me. ¡°You have thirty seconds to get in here, shut that door and get naked or this.¡± I hold up my hand with the engagement ring on. ¡°Gets posted to you from Queens when I dump your ass. No fianc¨¦e of mine is going to let guilt destroy our rtionship ¡­ I¡¯m no fucking nun and if you want a celibate girlfriend it won¡¯t be me!¡± I snap and throw one of my shoes off, letting it fly across the room at the wall beside him aggressively. It hits it with a thud, sliding down the wall and I wonder for a moment, if this is what Le did too. Jake watches the descent of the shoe silently before turning his eyes back to me. There¡¯s a look of humor and a tiny upward crease to the corner of his mouth as though a smile is not far behind, yet he¡¯s frowning. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. He still hasn¡¯t uttered a word. He moves in wordlessly and shuts the door very carefully and deliberately, looking very much like a guy who is contemting running away from his crazy girlfriend or fianc¨¦e or whatever. I continue pulling off every item of clothing I have on, with furious intent, and throw each item at the wall by his feet very pointedly, each time with a raised eyebrow his way. ¡°Well?¡± I stand naked, with my hands on my hips and face him. Completely unashamed at being nude with a guy who can¡¯t seem to get over his emotional impotency. Jake runs a hand through his hair nervously and takes a deep breath. All hint of humor gone, and he just seems torn and scared, yet little hints of lust are in there. The darkening of his eyes and the way he can¡¯t stop trailing up and down my naked body with them. He stands staring at me, as I am in front of him, for the first time in God knows how longpletely stark naked. ¡°I fucking love you.¡± He stalks toward me and pushes me backward at speed, walking me the full distance of the room, with eyes locked on mine. His green depths growing more lust fueled with every step. His expression changing from dubious and scared to dominating and sure. As my back hits the wall Jake bends into me and lifts me up around his waist pushing against me and grinding into me as his mouth meets mine. He slides his tongue into my mouth, and I can already feel the difference in his kiss, a hint of old passion and burning desire switching on his more aggressive Carrero Casanova mode. Thank the stars ¡­ Finally! ¡°I said naked, Carrero.¡± I push his face away, so I can give him my best haughtiest re. He smirks and lets me loose from the wall, sliding me down to my feet and steps back. His sweater is off in one easy movement over his head, making him strain every one of his delicious muscles. My body heating up in readiness as I watch him. I can¡¯t tear my eyes off that magnificent frame. He looks down and unbuttons his jeans easily, sliding them and his boxers down in one go, as he pulls his trainers off discarding it all in a heap quickly. There is no hesitation in his glorious face anymore, just the look of the guy who carried me into his room the first night he ever took me as his. He wants and needs me, and nothing will stop him. My heart soars that I finally have all of him back. Within moments he¡¯spletely naked and I can¡¯t stop my eyes wandering over that hunky body, hungrily, devouring every inch that he¡¯s kept from me, my eyes almost glued to the part of him that will bring me the most pleasure. ¡°Looking at me like that definitely helps.¡± His husky hoarse tone sounds exactly like the Jake I need, and he grabs my hand yanking me toward him forcefully. He catches me, behind my neck and the small of my back and flips me onto the plush carpet in one fast stroke, making me catch my breath. I squeal in the delight at the obvious return of his manhandling at its finest, the grand return of Carrero. He maneuvers on top of me with a firm stroke down between us, along my abdomen and down to my thigh. ¡°No hands,¡± I murmur breathlessly, ¡°I¡¯m too close and I just want you.¡± I lock eyes on his and catch the flicker of doubt cross his face suddenly. His focus moves across my body between us as his brain starts to take over. ¡°Look right here at me.¡± I urge him. His eyese back to my face. ¡°Look at me Jake, don¡¯t stop looking at how much I love you and how much I need you in this way. I forgave you and I need you to forgive you too if this is ever going to work.¡± I silently plead, hoping my expression trantes all that he needs to see. Chapter 235 Chapter 235 He gazes at me with the slow change of his eyes, from darkest green to pale as every doubt and thought starts consuming him. I push my head up and kiss him slowly and gently to stop the onught. He opens his mouth enough so I can slide my tongue in, and he follows me back down to the floor, so I can lie my head back. His touch raises the heat inside me once more to a soaring temperature, effortlessly and I start to let my hands roam him sexily. My kiss devouring him in the way he always consumes me, and he starts to respond. His body hardening against mine as his hands move down over my exposed breasts. I slide a hand between us and find him, urging him with strokes and caresses as he groans into my mouth, and I know I¡¯m winning. I¡¯m pushing away his doubts and indecisiveness, bringing him back to me again. I slide my legs apart, so hees to nestle between them and wrap my thighs around his hips suggestively, securely, so he has no way to escape from me. Our bodies naturally starting to move against one another. He breathes in heavily and breaks from my kiss. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt the baby.¡± He murmurs against my mouth and I just shake my head. ¡°There¡¯s more chance of you hurting me by not doing this, the doctor told you that this is perfectly fine and even healthy for us to have sex.¡± I soothe and stare straight into his eyes lovingly, open trust all over my face. He takes another deep breath, locking his focus fully onto my face, roaming over my eyes and nose and mouth slowly, as though imprinting it to memory. ¡°You¡¯re so beautiful, Emma. I don¡¯t know what I did to deserve perfection like you,¡± he croons softly, staring at me, without fully connecting our bodies yet. ¡°You have no idea how many times I tell myself the same thing about you. You rescued me from myself, Jake. I owe you everything. I belong with you. I belong to you and I always will. Stop fighting yourself on this and just show me how much you love me instead of telling me. I need to feel it again because I miss it, so much more than you can ever imagine.¡± I kiss him, feeling the change in him as his body rxes into me. His hands find my wrists, sliding them above my head pinning them to the soft floor, a move that only my sexuallypetent man would make without thinking about it. Yes,e back to me, Jake, I need you. The real you. His body moves slowly against mine, that furious arousal in me heightens and hitches, he devours my mouth and then my neck and back again. His tongue caressing mine, helping me get lost in pleasure as his body slowly slides with mine. I wriggle a hand free and once again find him hard and ready. I maneuver myself and use my grip on him to find our way together, lifting my hips, sliding him into me very slowly, pensively, waiting for him to put a halt to all of this and hold my breath. He tenses and pauses as his kiss stops for a sheer second. Stay with me, Jake, don¡¯t give up on us please. He exhales and screws his eyes closed tight. Our bodies adjusting to the sensation of being joined again, my body stretching, as he inches slowly inside of me. We¡¯re fully connected yet neither of us are moving. Jake lifts himself over me, using his hand by my wrist to steady his weight, and catches my free hand returning it to the same position beside the other. I let out a slow sigh of relief. Him holding me down and gazing directly into my eyes is a sure sign that he isn¡¯t going to try to stop this. He slowly moves back and then forward easing in and out of me letting us both get used to the feel of each other again. I groan as the sensation floods through me, keeping my eyes wide open, never breaking our connection, so I don¡¯t lose him in his own head. I want how I look now to be the thing he sees when we make love, not the memory of that girl he broke in two. I want to erase his guilt and see only where we are now¡ªthat¡¯s all that matters anymore. He does it again and some of the tension softens in his furrowed brow and gorgeous narrowed eyes. This time he groans softly under his breath as my body tingles and soars.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°You feel so good.¡± He moans softly. My answer doesn¡¯t make it out of my mouth as he moves again, in quick session, with a few gentler thrusts. All I can do is inhale and arch my back as my body jumps into high pleasure mode. Being held down this way he has full ess to my breasts, and he tips his head catching a nipple between his teeth softly. ¡°Harder.¡± Imand, in a raspy tone, as he moves into me again with the same painfully slow motion. He sucks my nipple and a shooting wave of pleasure sparks straight from there to my core, causing me to groan out far more loudly than I realize. It spurs him on, the next thrusts are firmer and more intense. Jake lets go of my wrists and cages my head with his hands, so he can push his body higher above me, giving him a better leverage. He thrusts again with more passion and intent, his eyes never leaving mine. ¡°Oh, my God.¡± I start whimpering as the rolling waves of hotness tingle at my toes moving slowly up with his every push inside of me. My handse to his arms, snaking around his muscles, my nails dragging on his skin. I¡¯m rolling around in ecstasy and when he begins to push into me more rhythmically, with harder thrusts; I start to lose all control. ¡°Oh God! Yes! God ¡­ Jake.¡± I cry out as I scream internally with extreme divine pleasure. Every single moment of being joined with him takes away thest pains or regrets in my heart; being reunited this way is the final healing balm I need. ¡°Wait for me, baby, I¡¯m really close.¡± He groans with a devilishly low tone that is as sexy as sin. It¡¯s been so long for both of us that neither of our bodies can contain the pleasure, brimming close to conclusion without effort. The tidal waves and ripples growing are coursing up from my legs and over my pelvis. His thrusts harder with more intent. I¡¯m trying so hard to let him find his release with me but I¡¯m being taken over by them, crying out and groaning, panting, and wing at his shoulders in ecstasy. I can¡¯t contain it much longer as it consumes every fiber of my body and my visions turns to the tingling sparks of an orgasming close enough to engulf me. ¡°Now baby. Fuck.¡± Jake¡¯s groans out and we both explode together, stars and sensations crashing through my body making me convulse and arch into him, losing all sight to the ckness that consumes me while each wave and racking spasm runs its course. Itsts for what seems like forever, bursting fireworks and satisfying ripples then convulsions before I¡¯m finally still. We lie motionless, entangled in the aftermath of our release for a few moments, my fingers in his hair and I run my nails lightly through it as he rests his head in the crook of my neck. ¡°I love you so much, Emma, more than I can ever tell you, baby.¡± His voice is raspy and deep, and I start smiling against his head. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure what you just did more than tells me.¡± I grin as he levers himself up to nt a firm kiss on my mouth; the look of hesitation he had is now gone, that haunting faint look in his eye that was lingering for weeks, always brimming under the surface like a tiny insecurity; ispletely gone. ¡°We just christened our house ¡­ Now we just have to do that in every room before we can officially move in.¡± He grins at me, boyishly, his face returning to the man I missed so much, a hint of cheeky and a lot of sexual innuendo lurking in its depths. You¡¯re finally back. God, I missed you. ¡°Well, seeing as I have crazy ravaging hormones that make me sex mad and I¡¯m already hoping for a second-round I wouldn¡¯t say it¡¯s a chore.¡± I grin at him some more, seeing his body heave with a huge rxed sigh. ¡°I¡¯m game if you are,¡± he winks sexily; that gorgeous dark lust-filled depths to those eyes already returning. ¡°Completely!¡± Chapter 236 Chapter 236 Jake is nibbling my neck and his hands are all over my breasts as we walk back to the Carrero family home. He¡¯s walking behind me, making it impossible to get on at a decent pace while he¡¯s groping the life out of me. I can¡¯t stop giggling with every suck and nibble, and when his mouth finds my ear lobe, I sink back against him halting us in the street again. The pleasure overtaking me at being back in a world where Jake can¡¯t keep his hands off me. We spent an rmingly long time making up for wasted hormones by christening every room and almost every cupboard in our new home and now I¡¯m tingling from every pore with the biggest radiant grin on my face. Jake has well and truly found his long-lost libido and by thest two rooms he was over his previous concerns about hurting babies or feeling guilty. The sex in those two rooms was hard and hot and taken from behind. I¡¯m sure my skin is marked from the ferocity we finally built up to in the last screaming stages of christening the house. There is no way I¡¯m allowing him to go back to a sexless rtionship now. ¡°Put her down will you.¡± Daniel¡¯s voice cuts into the extremely naughty thoughts running through my head and both Jake and I look up at the same time. We forgot about our so-called guests who I guess were sitting waiting for us at Sylvana¡¯s. ¡°You two were a very long time.¡± Le winks at us, sliding into Daniel¡¯s bright red sports car parked in the Carrero drive, she looks happy for once and Daniel¡¯s bloody nose is clean; except now I notice faint bruising along his jawline starting to develop. ¡°What did she do to your face?¡± I ask Daniel, as Jake¡¯s wraps his arms around my waist, possessively, pulling me against his torso to stand beside the driver¡¯s door in front of Hunter. ¡°I¡¯m dating a crazy little hell-cat who likes to y rough.¡± Daniel shrugs as though it¡¯spletely normal behavior. ¡°I can imagine you two featuring in a BDSM article for sure.¡± Jakeughs, and Daniel¡¯s raised eyebrow and smirk makes me think that maybe Jake isn¡¯t that far wrong. I really don¡¯t want to think of the weird crazy things these two get up to; knowing Hunter¡¯s reputation in the past I¡¯m guessing Le must be equally wild to keep him on his toes. ¡°I need to punish him for all his wrongs,¡± Le cuts in clicking her fingers, ¡°Daniele.¡± She res at him from the passenger seat and he inclines his head at her. ¡°Sorry, dude, can we maybee back for the grand house tour and shitter?¡± He checks his watch. ¡°I have a session to go to and the little woman ising with.¡± He smiles when he calls her that and his sheer adoration for her is obvious. Daniel is hopeless for my girl. ¡°I heard that, I ain¡¯t no little woman, Daniel ¡®bastarding¡¯ Hunter. I¡¯m thee fucking woman.¡± Le snorts at the eye roll Hunter throws her way. Le is still trying to exert her dominance over him for sure. ¡°Calm your sexy,cy, panties, baby cakes. You¡¯re thee fucking woman that¡¯s going to get fucked ck and blue in the car if she doesn¡¯t stop with the attitude.¡± Daniel throws Jake an indulgent look and I can only shake my head at the pair of them; at least things in that rtionship will never be dull. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°You sure as hell pick the most challenging things to do in life, Danny.¡± Jakeughs and bends to throw Le a cute little wave. She sticks her fingers up at him and her tongue out. Iugh at her, my heart brimming with love for the girl too adorable for words, even when she¡¯s being a little psychotic. ¡°She keeps things interesting. How else is a guy like me supposed to stick with one chick for the rest of his life? Le has enough personalities to keep me amused for a very long time ¡­ and enough sass to keep me horny for an eternity.¡± Daniel winks at us and with a grin bangs the top of his car over her head. ¡°And enough violence to make you suffer if you screw this up ¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure this version of her is not against cutting the family jewels off if you fuck it up again.¡± Jake cuts in. He¡¯s still watching Le in the passenger seat and the warning tone is evident in Jake¡¯s voice. He¡¯s reminding Daniel that he only gets this chance once. ¡°Must be fucking love then, eh?¡± Daniel shrugs and turns to open his door in such a nonchnt manner, making me giggle. ¡°That is almost romantic in an extremely vague way.¡± I point out with a smile and blow Le a kiss, seeing her smile and return one at me. ¡°I¡¯m not Jake, honey, he¡¯s the smooth talker and Mr. Hands-on-cuddly-feely and all that crap.¡± He slides into his seat and puts down the window before shutting his door. Le switches on the radio and starts scrolling until she finds a song she likes, turning it up loud. Taylor Swift ¨C ¡°nk Space¡± It fills the air and Daniel sticks his head out of the window throwing Jake a deadpan look. ¡°This is Le¡¯s theme tune. If I ever go missing check her basement for my body.¡± There¡¯s such a serious look in his eye that I burst outughing and Le ps him hard on the shoulder. He doesn¡¯t flinch at her assault. ¡°Are you trying to say I¡¯m insane?¡± She balks at him angrily, leaning forward in her seat so he¡¯s close enough to lick. ¡°If the shoe fits princess.¡± He smirks back at her, starting the car, revving the engine, and adjusting his seat belt seemingly ignoring her close proximity and threatening expression. ¡°Fuck ¡­ you!¡± She says slowly and deliberately, leaning toward the side of his face, dangerously close, with a look of pure hatred. Daniel turns to catch her chin and kisses her full force on the mouth with startling speed. I can¡¯t help but watch how cute they look kissing. They make for an attractive if not slightly crazy couple. ¡°I love the fucking crazy in you Le. It happens to be the most adorable part.¡± He sits back, leaving her blinking at him, and waves at us as he screeches out of the drive at speed. Le is no doubt being thrown back in her seat violently with the force of his maneuver. Well, They¡¯re certainly interesting together anyway. ¡°Normally I would say that a girl has no clue what she¡¯s getting into with Danny, but in this case, it¡¯s him I¡¯m more worried about.¡± Jake watches the car screech out into the street and turn at a junction at an rming speed. Daniel drives like a maniac, his red Lamborghini ringing through the air even long minutes after we can¡¯t see it. ¡°I think they¡¯re perfectly matched, but they need to calm the hostility, before someone gets scarred for life.¡± I giggle as Jakees to possessively wrap his arms around me once more and dives back into my body. ¡°Honestly, I think Danny is the only one in danger of receiving wounds and the pervert in him will probably love it.¡± Jake leans in and bites my neck again, making me squeal. ¡°Now where were we, bambino?¡± * * * Syed out like a star on the bed with Jake¡¯s palms pressed to mine, our fingers inteced and pinned down on the mattress. I¡¯m lying in the afterglow of the best morning of my life. He¡¯s panting on top of me and finally finds the strength to move, rolling off gently and lying beside me instead, after an energetic couple of hours in an empty house. Yesterday we endured a day of meetings, one with an interior designer; then the local press for the announcement of our engagement in the paper, and finally we had Sylvana clucking around for the remainder of the day treating me like fragile ss, just like Jake does. Le and Daniel never returned for the tour so Sylvana finally got hers, minus the sexual moaning from upstairs. We hadn¡¯t had another moment all day to be alone until we came to bed when his parents left for a dinner date. The day has been busy and unstoppable and by the time we got to bed Jake was tearing my clothes off in a frenzy to get our bodies back together now his mental block is gone. It¡¯s safe to say he¡¯s returned to his former glory, all emotional crap in his head finally dealt with. This morning he woke me in the most spectacrly sexy way which led to the hottest morning sex of my life and I¡¯m hopelessly falling in love with him all over again. He¡¯s finally the man I loved, all domineering, bossy and sexy, and now that every part of him is as it should be, I am glowing, both inside and out. Basking in an afterglow of multiple orgasms. Anyone who thinks sex isn¡¯t important in a rtionship is crazy. ¡°You up for trying a car journey today?¡± Jake leans in, kissing me on the temple, my body still tingling and vibrating from our recent energetic session, like I¡¯ve had a serious workout and my body could do with a shower. Irritatingly, he looks immacte, like always, and smells exactly as he always does. Fresh and citrusy. How the hell he does that I¡¯ll never know, it¡¯s annoyingly seductive. ¡°Depends on where we¡¯re going.¡± I turn to him, snuggling into his broad chest, dragging those strong arms around me satisfyingly. These arms are still the best ce in the world, and luckily for me Jake gives me them whenever I want, night or day. ¡°We need to go back to the city and sort out what we want from the apartment. I¡¯ve got three days¡± worth of crap to deal with at work over the Hunter contract and I¡¯d rather you were close by so I can see you at night.¡± Jake releases me and slides out of bed, he obviously has his bossy brain in gear this morning and a look on his face that says we have ns, not that I mind. I¡¯ve been getting bored withzing around in the Carrero family home while he dashes back and forth from the city. I¡¯d rather be back in our own private space until our home is ready, then after that I¡¯ll just have to get used to his disappearing acts when he goes to-and-fro from work. ¡°I haven¡¯t been as sicktely, so I should be okay.¡± I stretch out and yawn, feeling like the cat who got the cream and then some. It¡¯s early but I¡¯m restless and want to do something beyond a day of reading books, lying around and cooking lessons. I need to sort out other parts of my life before I cane here and start a new chapter. Other parts being my mother, work, and seeing Sarah properly. ¡°Sophie¡¯s supposed to being overter today, after school, to see the house.¡± I watch him move around the bedroom lifting towels for the shower, that magnificent naked ass and body on full show. He¡¯s never been shy about wandering about in front of me naked, not that I can me him; with his body I would¡¯ve taken up naked modeling just to show it all off. Not that I want him to, I think I¡¯d scratch the eyes out of any girl who ogled his body these days. ¡°I¡¯ll leave keys and rm code with Mamma and tell her to show Sophie around. The designer has all your preferences for our bedroom and the lounge so if she gets that in motion quick, we can move in while the rest of the house gets done.¡± He throws me a panty melting happy face. I start smiling, biting on my lip, aching for his body to be entangled with mine again already. It¡¯s rming at how my lust has returned tenfold with a reminder of his skills. I have to drag my eyes forcefully back to his. Chapter 237 Chapter 237 ¡°When do we leave?¡± I roll onto my stomach to watch him. He yanks on sweatpants and throws a T- shirt over his head, covering up that gorgeous expanse of tattooed lusciousness. He¡¯s obviously changed his mind about having the shower right now. ¡°After you eat baby. I¡¯ll have the housekeeper pack up food for the trip, still can¡¯t have you flying so it¡¯s a long drive back. Jefferson ising with the Lexus so I can sit with you in the back.¡± He picks up a gray bathrobe and throws it beside me with a raised and suggestive eyebrow. Hmmmm sexy back seat time. I like this idea. ¡°You¡¯re very bossy this morning Mr. Carrero. I like seeing some of the old you kicking in.¡± I giggle as he comes crawling quickly across the bed to haul me onto my back, kissing me passionately. Caging me in with those glorious muscles assaulting me with his very sexy essence, like a strong aftershave folding in around me. ¡°Amazing what a lot of sex with the woman I¡¯m crazy about can do.¡± He grins and takes a shot at devouring my neck yfully. Amazing what a lot of sex with Jake Carrero can do. ¡°No more guilt and crazy thoughts about hurting the baby?¡± I push him up so I can see his face, smiling at how lust filled those eyes are again already. ¡°Still lingering a little but no longer crippling me into celibacy. I needed yesterday more than you could ever know, Emma. I needed to get back to this, to us. I love you so much.¡± He runs a finger over my mouth before scooping to rece it with his lips. I moan at the contact, so ready for more and he sits back up looking at me adoringly. ¡°I love you too, although yesterday I was contemting triggering your sleeping disorder if my n didn¡¯t work. I even googled it.¡± Iugh as he shakes his head at me. ¡°I would¡¯ve probably liked it.¡± Heughs, biting my neck yfully again, sending me into squirming giggles. He slides up and flips me over to my front, smacking my butt a little hard, but I like it. I¡¯ve missed all forms of Casanova Carrero. It¡¯s like he¡¯s reappeared from being away for a long time, our honeymoon period in full force once again. ¡°Get up, we have shit to do today.¡± He jumps to his feet over my body on the bed, and bnces walking over me carefully then drops down to the floor before stalking to the bathroom. I sigh obediently and slide out of bed to retrieve the fluffy robe he¡¯s left there and haul it on. I¡¯ve got so used to living in this house that breakfast is normally eaten dressed this way, curled up in the cozy main room on the couch in a fluffy robe. Sylvanaes to breakfast dressed the same way and always with a huge grin on her happy morning face. I¡¯ve seen Giovanni, briefly, he¡¯s always impably dressed; never caught him wearing anything less than a shirt, waistcoat, pants, and shoes. The man must rise at dawn and always that same cool controlled demeanor, never a hint of rxed softness or harshness either; just being Giovanni. I can see why Jake and he collide. Giovanni is never demonstrative or outwardly emotional. He¡¯s not touchy or affectionate. Arrick has more of Giovanni¡¯s traits than Jake does, that same cool mature manner and even when girlfriends are here Arrick doesn¡¯t overly pander to them. The odd hand holding, but no real public disys of affection that Jake is always happy to throw around, and no open flirting or cuddly feelings. Even with his mother, Arrick, is more reserved than Jake. Jake kisses her on the cheek, hugs her in passing or walks with her arm in arm. Arrick is like his father, hands in pockets as he stands in a domineering manner among people, those eyes never missing a beat. Arrick understands his father a lot more than Jake, that much is obvious, and I believe it¡¯s because he¡¯s far more like Giovanni than Jake is. Giovanni works in the city, so he flies back and forth a lot to be home every night just as he promised his wife, another disy of respect and love for Sylvana that Jake doesn¡¯t notice either. Arrick¡¯s still in education. I¡¯m not sure if that means college or some high-priced university or business school but he seems toe home sporadically, always with a new girl in tow much like the Jake of old. Carrero blood has a lot to answer for and I¡¯ll be damned if this little Carrero gets up to such things ¡­ if he¡¯s a boy that is. Sylvana splits her days between here and her charity, so sometimes she¡¯s home for days and sometimes gone for days depending on hermitments. She has gushed at me on asion at how much she¡¯s looking forward to having little feet running around again and a little face to spoil with kisses. I can imagine her as a grandmother, giving so much love to a new generation of little Carreros. She¡¯s a woman built to love and to keep on loving every child whoes her way and I know she¡¯ll love both mine and Marissa¡¯s child equally. I have tried to ignore the pain in that statement. Once again realizing that everyone will bond with Marissa¡¯s baby months before minees. Ours won¡¯t be the first tiny feet, the first grandchild or even Jake¡¯s first child and that still hurts me to the core. My baby will be second in everything, second to arrive, second to be loved, second to be pampered, but in Jake¡¯s eyes my baby will always be first. My baby will be first to him in every way and I should use that thought to be okay with this. That¡¯s all that matters to me. He will love his other child, but I know his bond with me and living with this child will make a difference to the rtionship. Something Marissa hasn¡¯t thought of. ¡°Come on sexy.¡± Jake reappears from the bathroom and catches my hand in his, dragging me with him off the bed and through the door in that infuriating bossy manner of his. * * * For once we¡¯re sitting at the table eating breakfast together. I¡¯m on toast and fruit sd with fresh orange juice, Jake¡¯s got a mountain of pancakes and bacon and Sylvana is on some healthy gran stuff, piled high in a bowl with yogurt and fruit. The two of them have been amusing to watch. They have the same mannerisms as they read the morning paper and then switch pages, both shifting in their chairs, rounding their shoulders, and tilting heads to one side. Both talking with full mouths when they point out something interesting in the paper. The same way they cradle their mugs, not using the handles, and the way they hold their cutlery when eating; propping a fork in the air when engrossed in reading a column or news story. It¡¯s beyond adorable and they are like mirror images. The housekeeper wanders around picking up used dishes, replenishing the coffee mugs and I can¡¯t help but feelpletely rxed sitting here this way. Smiling at the two bowed dark heads noticing from this angle they have the same exact nose profile and eyebrows and it makes me giggle impulsively. Jake looks up at me with a cute smiling frown. ¡°Something funny?¡± ¡°You two are like book ends ¡­ Just wondering if this one will have the same Carrero good looks and quirks as you two do.¡± I tip my head to one side and smile at him, his face breaking into a grin. ¡°With my genes, bambino ¡­ more than likely.¡± He sits back in his chair and appreciatively looks me over. ¡°Oh no. I hope this little one looks like Emma.¡± Sylvana chirps in with a dreamy expression. ¡°Can you imagine a little curly blonde-haired cherub with soft blue eyes and little pouty lips just like his mother? Face of an angel but of course the little devil child that you were, Jacob.¡± Sylvana is beaming and Jake gazes at me intensely. ¡°When you put it that way, I¡¯d love nothing more than a mini Emma ¡­ Would be the most beautiful baby on the.¡± He sighs, and his look grows intense, eyes locking onto mine in a devastatingly gorgeous way. He knows exactly what to say. Gold star to you Carrero. ¡°I want a mini Carrero.¡± I sigh, loving the way Jake is looking at me, a focused warm caress, because before today I haven¡¯t really expressed much about our baby other than not being sure of how I felt. I guess part of me is starting to get used to what this is, what we haveing, and I can feel the joy radiating from him at this sudden change in me. I guess I should tell him more often that I¡¯m not entirely unhappy about a little Jake growing inside of me. He looks like he needs the reassurance. ¡°Either way it¡¯ll be a mini Carrero, in looks or charm; there¡¯s enough of my genes in there to make sure of it, not like we haven¡¯t had enough attempts.¡± He winks naughtily, and I blush. Sylvana throws a piece of fruit at him and it bounces off his head. ¡°Your mother is sitting right here, young man.¡± She lifts an eyebrow to him. ¡°Don¡¯t make me put you over my knee.¡± The warning tone is deathly but the insincere way she¡¯s smirking ruins the whole effect. ¡°Mamma ¡­¡± He raises his hands at her in shrugging defense, but she only shakes her head. ¡°I wish I could me that high sex drive and naughtiness on his father alone, sadly I think Italian blood is naturally rich with it, I¡¯m just as bad.¡± Sylvana winks my way and its Jake¡¯s turn to cringe at her. ¡°Jesus, Mamma, what the hell? I swear I need to poke my ears out with something sharp now.¡± He res at her with an utter look of disgust on his face. I can¡¯t help but giggle at them, Jake catches my hand and leans in to pull it up to his mouth and kisses my palm. He lets me go and continues with his coffee. ¡°Well since we¡¯re talking about libido, you should know, that kid has no chance of boyfriends if it¡¯s a girl. I¡¯m buying a shotgun and a really big dog for the dating age.¡± He frowns, and the hunch of his shoulders gives me the impression he¡¯s not kidding. ¡°You¡¯re going to be a nightmare as a father. I can see it already.¡± I sigh and watch him studiously. ¡°Yeah, well, guess you better just keep me in steady supply of kids, so I get lots of practice at getting better.¡± He winks at me andughs when my face drops to a stone cold nk dead pan. My heart doing a sudden drop of sheer panic. ¡°Oh Emma.¡± Sylvana bursts outughing as she clocks my expression. ¡°You¡¯re marrying a Carrero honey, if Giovanni had his way, we would¡¯ve had fifty kids, sadly my body wasn¡¯t too happy about that.¡± She croons at me. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°I¡¯m not that bad, fifty is maybe a bit much ¡­ maybe five or six?¡± Jake winks at me with a mischievous smile and I scowl at him. I hope to God he¡¯s kidding right now, for a reaction from me. ¡°When you start popping them out you can have five or six, until then I¡¯m not making any promises beyond this one.¡± I pout at him, huffily, only to be met with a look I know all too well. The one that says, ¡®you know I¡¯ll have it my way by any means.¡¯ I stick my chin up and raise my eyebrows at him. ¡°Baby, you wait until this little onees out and melts what¡¯s left of PA Emma¡¯s heart.¡± He grins at me with wickedness and the urge to throw my fork at him is not lost on me. ¡°You¡¯ll be begging me to keep you bare foot and pregnant.¡± ¡°I think not.¡± I stare at him steadily. ¡°I have decided that when this babyes, I want to study.¡± I divert down at the table suddenly losing courage. I¡¯ve thought about this a lot, considered it when Jake¡¯s been gone long hours, and even though I¡¯m not sure how I¡¯m going to form a future with what I have nned I know it¡¯s what I want to do. Chapter 238 Chapter 238 ¡°Study what?¡± Jake regards me with interest, a small quirk of a smile on the corner of his mouth and Sylvana is watching me with an equally warm expression. Encouraging is the word thates to mind when I look at them both. Is this what family does when you have some hair brained idea you want to try? ¡°I was thinking I could, maybe, possibly try bing a counselor of sorts¡­You know to work with kids who ummm ¡­¡± I lose the courage again and focus on my fingers as they make their way to my hair, nervous fidgeting habiting back to haunt me; saying it aloud sounds dumb. What do I know about helping other kids? ¡°¡­ came from abused backgrounds and broken families?¡± Jake finishes my sentence, taking my hand away from my hair, calming me, like he always does. I nce up at him and nod, shyly, as he focuses on me with an encouraging smile. ¡°I think that would be pretty amazing and not just for the kids you could help, Emma, but I think for you too.¡± He gets up and slides his chair back, walking around the table behind me, leans down, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, kisses me on the neck and buries his face in my soft hair to nuzzle me. Telling me that he¡¯s fully on board with my n and making me feel a hundred times surer. ¡°I think that is a spectacrly selfless n, Emma.¡± Sylvana beams at me. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure with my connections I could help you along the way, help you find your feet and direction. If helping kids from the same abusive situation you were in, is what you really want to do?¡± She literally shines at me and my courage returns tenfold. And there it is ¡­ Sylvana says it so effortlessly, like it¡¯s not some shamefully, horrible, ugly secret, just amon piece of knowledge between the people close to one another in the room and I don¡¯t feel anything like I used too. No shame, no pain, no anything. Just Jake¡¯s arms around me and when he straightens and runs a hand down my hair igniting the usual thrill of shivers and heat, ites to me in a sh. My past doesn¡¯t hurt me anymore. I¡¯m not ashamed of it. I gaze adoringly at the man I love, as he moves back to his seat ncing at me with equal infatuation, and I feel different. I¡¯m sat taller, my chin held higher and my expression migrates to a bright smile. That kid from Chicago who separated herself into different versions and locked boxes has somehow come crashing back together again into oneplete person. Her past no longer a deep dark secret she hides from those who she thought would run from her if they knew ¡­ because here they are, sitting facing her, with love and care despite knowing about it all. They don¡¯t look at her as though she¡¯s some broken or dirty shell, they don¡¯t look at her the way her own flesh and blood did. They ept her and love her even more for the scars she bares ¡­ a real family with real love. I¡¯m not broken anymore; I am whole and only one piece of my puzzle remains out of ce. I¡¯m going to have to face my mother and the fact that she will never give me what I¡¯ve been trying to get from her my entire life. Her love. The difference now is I no longer need it. ¡°Baby, wait until I¡¯m back to do this?¡± Jake is trying to tug the case out of my hands. We¡¯re back in the Manhattan apartment and have been for a couple of days, overseeing the packing of some of his favorite items and our clothes to be shipped to the Hamptons. The journey home was sickness free and I¡¯m starting to feel a lot better these days. I am starting to feel great, especially now that I have the full undivided attentions of my lover once more and he¡¯s only too willing to keep me satisfied. ¡°No, I told you. I¡¯ll take Mathews if you¡¯re so damned hell bent on me having an escort. I¡¯m sure he¡¯s a major in karate kill whatsits or some other nonsense. I know you spar with him in the gym downstairs sometimes, so he must be a deathly ninja of some kind to put up with your crazy martial artmando ways.¡± I huff back, trying to wrestle the handle free from his annoyingly strong grip. ¡°Emma, I said no!¡± Jake yanks the case out of my hands, throwing it behind him on the floor. The contents sy everywhere in a crazy dramatic fashion. I square up and re at him angrily. So seriously not in the mood for immature bossy dickhead Carrero right now. ¡°Are you telling me what to do?¡± I stick out my chin defiantly. My rage bubbling forth at the return of one stroppy domineering asshole I thought I stupidly missed. Ha fucking ha. ¡°I am the guy you¡¯re marrying and the father of that fucking baby. If you dare step foot in Chicago without me then I¡¯ll seriously lose my shit.¡± He¡¯s scary right now with his zing green eyes and tense stubbly jaw. Scary in a sexy male model ¡®who could possibly use his toping off to cool him down¡¯ sort of way. Really, Emma, sex while you¡¯re raging at him? Hormones! ¡°I lived there my whole life, Jake. I¡¯m sure I can handle Chicago, and stop yelling at me ¡­ I don¡¯t particrly appreciate the swearing either.¡± I stomp and pull my height up to meet his, unsessfully seeing as he¡¯s six feet two and I¡¯m barely scraping five-foot four. He¡¯s ring down at me, anger emanating from every pore. His aggressive psycho mode that does absolutely nothing to me. ¡°Last time you went alone some guy hurt you in the fucking stairwell. You¡¯re never going there alone again and your mother ¡­ Don¡¯t even get me started on her becausest time she fucking crushed you.¡± He is radiating pure aggressive dominance, an alpha male asshole but I am not backing down on this. ¡°I¡¯m not the same anymore, Jake. I¡¯m stronger and stop it.¡± I p him in the abdomen churlishly. ¡°Stop talking down to me like I¡¯m your PA.¡± He doesn¡¯t even flinch when my palm connects with his hard six pack. Or is it eight? Hard to count as when I¡¯m usually on that body, I¡¯m preupied. ¡°Emma!¡± He has his gritted teeth voice on, and the bunching muscles of a severely pissed off Carrero. ¡°I have to go for two days, that¡¯s all, two fucking days to oversee this crap and then I¡¯ll take you myself. I¡¯ll drive there and back. Until then I¡¯ll lock you in this apartment and tell Mathews I¡¯ll fucking fire him if you step one foot in his car.¡± He seethes at me; pretty sure breathing fire would be one of his things if it was physically possible. I step back at the wave of his rage and lift my chin a tiny bit higher, inner Emma refusing to be railroaded by this cocky arrogant ass. ¡°Jake if you dare try to intimidate me right now I¡¯ll not only get a fucking train to Chicago, carrying my case by myself, but I¡¯ll go as soon as it¡¯s dark and you¡¯re gone and not even take a goddamn phone, so you can¡¯t track my cell or call me.¡± I threaten, smugly. Not phased one bit by his show of scary. There¡¯s nothing Jake would hate more than that! He¡¯d go into worried protective overload and maybe blow a brain cell ¡­ or three thousand. We have a monumental angry stare off, rage bubbling between us but I simply don¡¯t care. I¡¯m not scared of Jake¡¯s little moods anymore, or him storming off with hurt feelings, and I¡¯m sure as hell not scared of any little consequences. Somewhere along the way I¡¯ve realized that I have nothing to worry about when ites to Jake and if anyone is going to be leaving anyone it will be me. This right here is not the behavior I am about to put up with for the rest of my married life and he should learn that fast! ¡°You wouldn¡¯t dare, Emma.¡± That nasty growl does nothing for me. If anything, it makes me want to unbutton his pants but we¡¯re so not doing sex right now. Maybeter! ¡°Try me.¡± I bite back, my defiant, hormonal mood in full swing, and he straightens up, that tiny smirk twitching to his mouth breaking his scowling intimidation in a second. He rubs a hand across his face and scrubs it for a second. I guess all his posturing is just a very convincing act if he¡¯s so quick to chuck it aside. Hmmmmm. ¡°You, woman, are going to be the absolute death of me.¡± He sighs heavily and reaches out, tugging me toward him, nting a kiss on my mouth, cupping my jaw with both hands, and burying his fingers in my hair. Sighing in defeat because he knows there is not a thing he can possibly do to me. You¡¯re so whipped Jake. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to go.¡± His tone is softer, gentler and he¡¯s obviously changing tactics, but my minds made up. I know all his devious little maniptions, he¡¯s going in for soft and tender, but if that fails, he¡¯ll pull out the sex strategy. And, well, sex I can never resist, especially his kind, so I better get this stopped now, since my head has been heading that way for thest twenty minutes. ¡°Jake, please don¡¯t make me beg you to do this. Let me do what I need to do to move on in life.¡± I flutter myshes at him and give him my sincerest wide-eyed look of adoration.Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. There¡¯s a flicker of doubt in his eye and I know I have him over a barrel. Two can y that emotional card Jake. ¡°Arghhhh.¡± He raises his palms in agitation and paces away from me and back again. ¡°I¡¯ll fucking beg, do you want me on my knees right now?¡± He pleads in an annoyed tone. Maybe not ready to let this go just yet. Depends what you¡¯re nning on doing down there. ¡°Stop being so melodramatic.¡± I sigh and turn away, leaning down to pick up my case but Jake grabs my wrist to stop me from bending. He scoops instead, throwing everything on the bed, and I can¡¯t help but smile. I stand watching him with folded arms. He¡¯s a stroppy ass but even in a mood he¡¯s still taking care of his pregnant woman. ¡°I¡¯m not happy about this at all.¡± He¡¯s back to brimming with sourness but I pinch his butt as I walk past him to the bed and smile. He throws me a look of indulgence and I sigh. ¡°So, I see.¡± I flip the case over and start folding my clothes again, sliding things in neatly and slowly, bringing some order back to the mess he made. Un-phased by the amount of death ray looks aimed my way as he watches me painfully. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake!¡± Jake snaps and my case is yanked off the bed and thrown behind him again, like a child having a meltdown. It¡¯s going to be a very long night if things carry on at this rate. I really should check his birth certificate sometime and make sure he is not actually a five-year-old in a man¡¯s body. ¡°Are you really going to keep doing that?¡± I¡¯m not angry anymore, just amused by the temper and childishness of my husband to be. The massive man child I used to love working for hase back in full fury. If it wasn¡¯t frustrating to keep refolding the same clothes, I would beughing at him right now. ¡°Yes.¡± He sulks and res at me, knowing he¡¯s not winning this argument one iota, so he¡¯s stropping about instead. Sulky Jake¡ªOh lord. Chapter 239 Chapter 239 I walk up to him and slide my hand into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet effortlessly, and flip it open. He narrows his eyes watching as I slide out his sexy ck credit card without attempting to stop me and wave it in front of him. ¡°If I¡¯m not allowed to pack or take anything to wear then I¡¯ll just buy what I need and that¡¯ll resolve that little issue.¡± I tease with a naughty smug smile. Jake takes hold of my wrist with one hand and yanks the card out of my hand with the other, throwing that behind him on top of the scattered case too. His expressionpletely serious and I can¡¯t help but burst into giggles. He still has my wrist in his hand and it¡¯s obvious he¡¯s not about to let go. ¡°You¡¯re impossible.¡± I poke him in the chest usingly but can¡¯t stop the giggling. ¡°That¡¯s why you love me and that¡¯s why I¡¯ll cancel my fucking trip and stay right here if you keep this up.¡± He moves toward me menacingly, and I spring back, yanking my hand free and wave my hips at him yfully, goading him childishly. His mood is simmering but that twinkle in his eye hints at a desire to stop arguing and do something far more fun; that never-ending heat between us always is never far away nowadays. There¡¯s a small knock on the open bedroom door and Mathews appears, graciously clearing his throat to alert us of his presence. ¡°Mr. Carrero, Mr. Hunter is here to see you.¡± He nods and then waits for Jake¡¯s response. Jake looks immediately irritated, and sighs, resigning himself to the fact that this is going nowhere. ¡°Show him to the lounge I¡¯ll be there in a minute.¡± Jake smiles and Mathews turns and leaves us to it. Jake goes to walk forward, then stops and nces over his shoulder at the case on the floor, his eyes narrow suspiciously as he knows I¡¯ll just pick it up and keep packing as soon as he leaves. He stalks toward me in two easy strides and without warning bends down to flip me over his shoulder with a sharp smack to my ass and a squeal, as he marches both of us through to the next room with determination. He thinks that if I¡¯m with him then I can¡¯t disobey him. Asshole. ¡°Jake put me down.¡± I protest, squirming on his wide shoulders helplessly in his vice-like grip, and he only sets me on my feet when we¡¯re beside the long low white leather couch. Daniel is sitting far too rigidly on the far end not even looking our way but studying his own hands. Jake catches my wrists and pulls me onto hisp as he sits down, catching me so I don¡¯t fall, nestling me into his embrace. It seems I¡¯m to be his prisoner in case I go defy him and pack my case. What am I going to do with him? Seriously! ¡°What¡¯s up, Danny? You look a little stressed.¡± Jake turns his steely face to Hunter. I struggle to get free but realize it¡¯s futile, Jake¡¯s grip is like that of a man on a mission to keep me here. I might as well give in for the time being and see what¡¯s going on with Daniel Forlorn-Looking Hunter. I must admit I am a little nosey seeing as he looks rather ¡­ well sad. I wrap my arms around Jake¡¯s neck and curl my legs up on hisp. His arms are loose around me and I turn ncing at Daniel. Jake is right about him looking stressed, the boy is sitting straighter than a poker-set, and those blue eyes, normally so calm and cheeky, are a little red-rimmed. His usually slightly ruffled hair is too t and unkempt. ¡°I need your words of wisdom.¡± He runs fingers through his hair in agitation and I notice his shirt is more than a little rumpled. His face isn¡¯t its usual clean-shaven self either, he¡¯s sporting Jake¡¯s designer stubble and on Hunter it looks odd. He¡¯s too blonde to pull it off. ¡°Le?¡± Jake asks with his sharp instincts and I immediately zone all attention on Hunter again. I have learned from watching Jake that only woman issues could make a man go to hell like this. ¡°She¡¯s dumped me.¡± He sits back, flopping dejectedly, and slides his feet out wide, sighing heavily, bringing his gaze to the ceiling as though he¡¯s going to find some divine wisdom up there. ¡°Why?¡± I ask, slowly and deliberately, with a hint of edge in my tone. My body bristling in Jake¡¯s embrace as he slides his hands down to my ass, pulling me in a little closer to getfy. I¡¯ll kill him if he¡¯s hurt her again. ¡°She¡¯s bat shit crazy! That¡¯s why! Jealous as fucking hell and nothing I said to her helped one bit. We had a fight over some stupid chick who came up to me in a club two nights ago, and Le flipped the fuck out.¡± He sounds exhausted and all hints of smug Hunter are gone. ¡°Please tell me you haven¡¯t done anything, Danny?¡± Jake slides me off hisp onto the couch next to him, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees toward Daniel. It seems I¡¯m no longer a flight risk now that his friend is genuinely in need, but I stay put anyway. ¡°No. I¡¯m not stupid, Jake. The girl was someone I hadn¡¯t seen in a long time. She tried to get me to dance and I told her to beat it. Le just saw red.¡± He sighs again. ¡°I¡¯m trying so fucking hard, Jake, trying to see her as often as I can, trying to show her that I¡¯m not dating anyone else and seeing my shrink every week despite the undying urge to take off at a hundred miles an hour. It doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m not struggling with all of this rtionship shit but I¡¯m doing it for her.¡± Daniel slides forward to mirror Jake¡¯s pose so they¡¯re closer together. ¡°But what exactly happened?¡± I pull a fluffy cushion onto myp and start stroking it as I stare at the poor guy¡¯s tight expression and tortured eyes. I can¡¯t help but feel a little sorry for him. He truly looks miserable and I know only too well how that can feel. ¡°She threw her fucking drink at me, told me it was over, and to go fuck the whore; stormed off and went home. She won¡¯t answer my calls.¡± A hint of anger in his tone seems to spark the same on his face. ¡°Have you thought about going around there and seeing her? Le is obviously majorly insecure, Daniel.¡± I narrow my eyes on him and he just sighs again. ¡°And say what? No Le, I¡¯m not fucking you about, or touching other women publicly on a dance floor five feet away from you. She wouldn¡¯t let me near her front door. I know Le too well she won¡¯t let me in if she¡¯s not answering calls.¡± He sits up sharply. ¡°What about some fucking trust? Some fucking benefit of the doubt?¡± He gets up and then immediately sits down again. ¡°See this shit?¡± He throws a gesturing hand down the length of him ¡°She¡¯s got me so messed-up I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ming or going ¡­ Fuck¡¯s sake! Seriously. I¡¯m all over the ce. I don¡¯t think I can handle this anymore.¡± He seems flummoxed, slowly unraveling, and I can¡¯t help but wonder if this is how Jake was during our separation. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°What are you saying?¡± Jake doesn¡¯t look happy at all; his body tenses a little too sexily for my liking. I can¡¯t seem to get my head out of the guttertely. All this rush of sexual longing has hit hard since getting our back intimacy and now I can¡¯t seem to switch it off. I wonder if this is a pregnancy thing. Damn these hormones, I¡¯m so horny for him right now. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m not able to do this ¡­ Maybe Le and I are better off not together because I can¡¯t seem to keep that chick happy.¡± Daniel looks defeated. He shifts position three times in a row, restlessly, and then resigns himself to going back to his first position, flopped on the couch with legs apart. I go to snap at him in anger, but Jake stands, and I¡¯m silenced by his sudden motion. I wait for his sh of anger, but nothinges. ¡°Fine ¡­ Leave it this way then. Finished.¡± He shrugs and walks toward the kitchen rendering me utterly speechless. He soundspletely normal and, well, sort of epting. What the fuck? I have no idea what he¡¯s ying at but whatever it is I don¡¯t like it at all. This isn¡¯t the Jake who loves Le to death and puts Hunter in his ce when he¡¯s being a moron. I¡¯m not happy about hisck of care for her and start ring at his back. ¡°You agree I should give up?¡± Daniel seems equally shocked at theck of lecture. ¡°If you can¡¯t do it, then don¡¯t. Walk away. Let her go back to that Kurt preppy boy asshole and have a happy life with Mr. Squeaky Clean.¡± Jake¡¯s level even tone is giving nothing away, but I know the maniption tells in his sexy body, the way he¡¯s casually in control, setting out mugs for coffee nonchntly, unemotional about the topic. Everything a bit too precise and because I know him, I see a very calcted famous Carrero maneuver from miles off. I smile internally at the cleverness of my man. Reverse psychology. Well done Mr. Carrero. ¡°Just walk away from her? And then what? That guy won¡¯t make her happy ¡­¡± Daniel can¡¯t do anything but stare and question Jake¡¯s mental state. ¡°Go back to being a man-whore with parties and whatever else, just forget about her.¡± Jake shrugs, holding up a mug waving it at me asking if I want one too. I smirk and shake my head adoringly. He is ying Hunter so well. My devious asshole of a man. Daniel sits for a moment and stares at his hands quietly. ¡°I can¡¯t do that.¡± He says it more to himself than to either of us, sounding sadly defeated, looking up at Jake as he says, ¡°I love her too much.¡± ¡°Well man up, Danny, and stop acting like you weren¡¯t expecting any of this shit from her. Le is acting out because she¡¯s waiting for you to fuck things up. She¡¯s pushing her damned hardest to make sure you do, because she¡¯s expecting it and sooner is going to hurt far less thanter.¡± Jake snaps at him and I know exactly what he is doing. His insight into Le¡¯s head warms me. God, I love you. Chapter 240 Chapter 240 Daniel contemtes this for a moment as I watch in absolute silence. Jake¡¯s ability to read people and situations has always impressed me. His ability to sometimes understand the female mind must be a rare gift for a guy? I¡¯m sure not many men have his level of understanding. ¡°Why did I have to fall for the one who drives me so fucking crazy?¡± Daniel sighs, returning to picking at his thumb nail absently, staring at his hand with aplete utter lost boy look on his handsome face. Jake gazes at me intensely from the kitchen. ¡°It¡¯s not love if she can¡¯t get under your skin and make you a whole lot of crazy.¡± He smiles, winking at me, and I can¡¯t help but smile back especially when he opens the fridge and starts fixing me a tropical alcohol-free cocktail that I¡¯ve been craving like madtely. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. Now that¡¯s the man I love right there. ¡°Le has always got under my skin but dating her has made it so much worse.¡± Daniel admits, seemingly confused that finally loving his girl would intensify what she does to him. ¡°Is the therapy helping?¡± I nudge in with a lighter, warmer tone, and Daniel turns to me, expression a little young and tired and more than a little bewildered. ¡°Yes, I guess, and no ¡­ Well it¡¯s bringing up a lot of shit I need to deal with, but Le¡¯s been with me twice and when she¡¯s there I dunno, it doesn¡¯t mess me up as bad.¡± He shrugs, as though just the thought of her brings him some peace and the sudden flicker of heartache that runs across his face is a give-away of the fact he¡¯s just realized it as the words came out of his own mouth. ¡°You know she won¡¯t always be this way, she just doesn¡¯t trust you not to run again.¡± I soothe, a little more sympathetic at the real pain I¡¯m seeing in his tropical blue eyes. ¡°Thing is, for the most part, I don¡¯t actually mind Le¡¯s kind of crazy. She¡¯s feisty and wild and stroppy as shit. Man, she¡¯s got a temper and a hell of a right hook. I kinda dig it though ¡­ It¡¯s the silences and not letting me near her when we fight that¡¯s killing me. Not knowing what¡¯s going on in that head of hers and having her freeze me out of her life.¡± He sighs again and just looks tormented. ¡°She¡¯s hiding.¡± Jake interjects. ¡°She¡¯s probably just as messed-up as you are right now.¡± His husky soft tone as he watches his best friend gives me all sort of horny thoughts, and I shift to a sitting position crossing my legs. I catch Jake¡¯s smirk and realize he knows exactly what I¡¯m thinking about. Jerk. Daniel frowns, staring emptily down at his hands; he has a fidgeting tell like Jake has, and he starts picking at his other thumb nail. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to do this, Jake ¡­ but I don¡¯t want to just walk away. I¡¯ve spent years trying to run from how I felt about her, but I can¡¯t outrun it anymore. I can¡¯t do it ¡­ I need her ¡­ But I know her, she won¡¯t see me or talk to me.¡± Both men fall silent as they contemte the best way to deal with Le and an idea hits me, a self- serving, killing two birds with one stone kind of idea. ¡°Sarah and I could take her out. Then casually run into you both, that way she would have no choice but to see you and she wouldn¡¯t suspect that I side with you and set her up.¡± I smile innocently and flutter myshes Jake¡¯s way with an innocent smile. Jake frowns at me and I know what Mr. Protective-father-to-be is thinking, I focus on him intently, seeing that frown deepening and I don¡¯t think this is going down well at all. ¡°You could run into us almost as soon as we arrive, and molly coddle the shit out of me, Jake, so don¡¯t worry about my being out on the town in such a delicate condition.¡± I smirk at him and he has the nerve to smirk back only confirming what is running through that beautiful head. What am I going to do with him? ¡°It could work, Le wouldn¡¯t suspect a set up at a club. If Jefferson drops you at the door, we could meet you at the other side.¡± His intense look boring into me, makes me sigh. He¡¯s trying to make it very clear that I am not allowed out of his sight. We¡¯ll see. ¡°You¡¯re only going to get worse the bigger this gets, aren¡¯t you?¡± I point at my slightly fuller stomach, decidedly less t thesest couple days. ¡°Count on it.¡± Jake lifts his eyebrows at me as though challenging me on the subject before he turns back to Daniel. ¡°What do you say? You want to see her this way?¡± Jake gives up on making coffee and leans on the counter instead, those glorious biceps straining at the fabric on his arms. Oh man. Hot flushes. ¡°Any way is better than no way man. I fucking miss her so much already.¡± Daniel sighs and drops his head into his palms between his knees and scratches his head, then sitting back up he looks at Jake, then at me with so much pain in his face. ¡°How soon can we do this? I can¡¯t stand the agony of waiting.¡± Jake kisses me in the sitting room, as Mathews takes his luggage past us toward the elevator outside the apartment door, his hands cup my jaw leaving me with a kiss that curls my toes. My hormones perking up to say hello, giving me the usual warm tingling longing. I still haven¡¯t got a handle on this pantybusting thing he causes. ¡°I¡¯ll call you when Ind okay?¡± He brushes his nose against mine and lightly kisses me. ¡°I¡¯ll miss you.¡± I sigh against him, my arms around his neck, I reach up to be wrapped around him tightly. He slides his hands down my sides and around my back pulling me in further still. There¡¯s nothing in this world that feels like a full-on cuddle from Jake. Nothing will everpare to this. ¡°No sneaking off to Chicago until I¡¯m back. Promise me.¡± He narrows his eyes at me, and I sigh. Last night and again this morning he predictably used his ¡°sexpertize¡± against me and had me screaming out in agreement that I wouldn¡¯t go. I can¡¯t believe he can still maneuver me that way and yet here we are. I really am pathetically submissive when he gets me naked. ¡°I¡¯m only agreeing because you¡¯re agreeing to Operation Le and taking me on a night out when you return.¡± I smirk at him. His green re hits me again, he isn¡¯t too enamored with the finer details yet. ¡°We could¡¯ve just arranged for them to meet here you know?¡± His voice hitting a slightly edgy tone. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t fall for that and I wouldn¡¯t get my night out on the town that I so badly need. All thiszing about and being housebound is getting old. I¡¯m so bored.¡± I sigh and give him my most appealing smile, fluttering myshes and pouting my lip slightly. ¡°You do know I¡¯m putting a curfew on this, right? No alcohol, minimal dancing and home in bed by ten.¡± He is focusing on my mouth, making me think about kissing him again. Yeah, I think not, Mr. Carrero. You sound like a father right now, not a fianc¨¦e! ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± I smile sweetly. ¡°No, that¡¯s what¡¯s happening!¡± He¡¯s narrowing his gaze on me and I kiss him quickly. Sometimes that mouth is too tempting, even when he¡¯s being difficult. ¡°We shall see,¡± I shrug, slowly and deliberately, watching that twitch of a smirk start at the corner of his sexy mouth. Jake likes to be bossy and inmand, but he also likes me defiant too. He¡¯s getting a kick out of my standing up to himtely, but he can¡¯t keep his temper when I do. I¡¯m d though, life would be dull and tiresome if he expectedpliance from me. He never got much of it when I was his PA so he sure as hell won¡¯t get any more of it just because we¡¯re together. ¡°I need to go, bambino. When I call you tonight, we¡¯re going to try some phone sex. If I have to leave you for work, then we¡¯re definitely doing that.¡± He grins, and I roll my eyes at him and his typical guy- ness. Well, you wanted this side of him back and in full roaring glory after all. ¡°You know you¡¯re only going for forty-eight hours? You sound like it¡¯s going to be weeks.¡± Iugh at him, swiping a hand at that delicious ass, as he turns away. ¡°Forty-eight hours without you does feel like weeks.¡± He catches my hand and uses his hold on it to twirl me around so he can deliver a hefty smack on my ass, showing me how to do it. I yelp at the contact, grinning. Oh, Casanova, still very smooth, aren¡¯t you? ¡°Well you better get going then so I have time to brush up on my most seductive chat up lines for your call Mr. Carrero. I might start with what I¡¯m wearing.¡± I giggle, and he catches me in one final kiss that melts my bones. I wonder if all couples still kiss this way after the honeymoon period has worn off? I can¡¯t ever imagine him not doing this to me, even when we¡¯re old and crippled. ¡°I¡¯ll expect our kind of phone sex to be conducted naked, via Skype, on video call baby,¡± and I get the Carrero wink that makes my knees go weak. Of course, he does. The naughty look he throws my way says he¡¯s serious, then he turns, and I walk with him to the door. He kisses me onest time before sauntering out, dressed to impress in an immacte three-piece gray suit over a crisp white shirt. He doesn¡¯t often do waistcoats under his jackets, but this Saville Row number makes him hotter than hot. I sigh blissfully, watching that ass move out the door, then muse a little sadly when it shuts, and he¡¯s gone again all too soon. He is far too tempting nowadays, and I still can¡¯t get a handle on the craziness of my sex crazed hormones. Damn. Maybe video phone sex isn¡¯t such a bad idea after all? Especially if I need to get through forty-eight hours alone. Forty-eight hours to amuse myself and I¡¯m determined to find something more productive to do than sitting around twiddling my thumbs, feeling like a crazy horny pregnant woman. There¡¯s no denying it, that man has simply ruined me. Tomorrow I am going to shop, maybe abuse that sexy gold card Jake always leaves in my purse, buy some things for this little tadpole seeing as I can¡¯t get round the fact of iting. We¡¯ve already picked the nursery in our new home. I¡¯m sure spending money on Jake¡¯s offspring is eptable seeing as I¡¯m still getting used to this money thing. I did agree to ept this part of his lifestyle and indulge a little, so that¡¯s exactly what I¡¯m going to do. At least try to. Chapter 241 Chapter 241 Daniel contemtes this for a moment as I watch in absolute silence. Jake¡¯s ability to read people and situations has always impressed me. His ability to sometimes understand the female mind must be a rare gift for a guy? I¡¯m sure not many men have his level of understanding. ¡°Why did I have to fall for the one who drives me so fucking crazy?¡± Daniel sighs, returning to picking at his thumb nail absently, staring at his hand with aplete utter lost boy look on his handsome face. Jake gazes at me intensely from the kitchen. ¡°It¡¯s not love if she can¡¯t get under your skin and make you a whole lot of crazy.¡± He smiles, winking at me, and I can¡¯t help but smile back especially when he opens the fridge and starts fixing me a tropical alcohol-free cocktail that I¡¯ve been craving like madtely. Now that¡¯s the man I love right there. ¡°Le has always got under my skin but dating her has made it so much worse.¡± Daniel admits, seemingly confused that finally loving his girl would intensify what she does to him. ¡°Is the therapy helping?¡± I nudge in with a lighter, warmer tone, and Daniel turns to me, expression a little young and tired and more than a little bewildered. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°Yes, I guess, and no ¡­ Well it¡¯s bringing up a lot of shit I need to deal with, but Le¡¯s been with me twice and when she¡¯s there I dunno, it doesn¡¯t mess me up as bad.¡± He shrugs, as though just the thought of her brings him some peace and the sudden flicker of heartache that runs across his face is a give-away of the fact he¡¯s just realized it as the words came out of his own mouth. ¡°You know she won¡¯t always be this way, she just doesn¡¯t trust you not to run again.¡± I soothe, a little more sympathetic at the real pain I¡¯m seeing in his tropical blue eyes. ¡°Thing is, for the most part, I don¡¯t actually mind Le¡¯s kind of crazy. She¡¯s feisty and wild and stroppy as shit. Man, she¡¯s got a temper and a hell of a right hook. I kinda dig it though ¡­ It¡¯s the silences and not letting me near her when we fight that¡¯s killing me. Not knowing what¡¯s going on in that head of hers and having her freeze me out of her life.¡± He sighs again and just looks tormented. ¡°She¡¯s hiding.¡± Jake interjects. ¡°She¡¯s probably just as messed-up as you are right now.¡± His husky soft tone as he watches his best friend gives me all sort of horny thoughts, and I shift to a sitting position crossing my legs. I catch Jake¡¯s smirk and realize he knows exactly what I¡¯m thinking about. Jerk. Daniel frowns, staring emptily down at his hands; he has a fidgeting tell like Jake has, and he starts picking at his other thumb nail. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to do this, Jake ¡­ but I don¡¯t want to just walk away. I¡¯ve spent years trying to run from how I felt about her, but I can¡¯t outrun it anymore. I can¡¯t do it ¡­ I need her ¡­ But I know her, she won¡¯t see me or talk to me.¡± Both men fall silent as they contemte the best way to deal with Le and an idea hits me, a self- serving, killing two birds with one stone kind of idea. ¡°Sarah and I could take her out. Then casually run into you both, that way she would have no choice but to see you and she wouldn¡¯t suspect that I side with you and set her up.¡± I smile innocently and flutter myshes Jake¡¯s way with an innocent smile. Jake frowns at me and I know what Mr. Protective-father-to-be is thinking, I focus on him intently, seeing that frown deepening and I don¡¯t think this is going down well at all. ¡°You could run into us almost as soon as we arrive, and molly coddle the shit out of me, Jake, so don¡¯t worry about my being out on the town in such a delicate condition.¡± I smirk at him and he has the nerve to smirk back only confirming what is running through that beautiful head. What am I going to do with him? ¡°It could work, Le wouldn¡¯t suspect a set up at a club. If Jefferson drops you at the door, we could meet you at the other side.¡± His intense look boring into me, makes me sigh. He¡¯s trying to make it very clear that I am not allowed out of his sight. We¡¯ll see. ¡°You¡¯re only going to get worse the bigger this gets, aren¡¯t you?¡± I point at my slightly fuller stomach, decidedly less t thesest couple days. ¡°Count on it.¡± Jake lifts his eyebrows at me as though challenging me on the subject before he turns back to Daniel. ¡°What do you say? You want to see her this way?¡± Jake gives up on making coffee and leans on the counter instead, those glorious biceps straining at the fabric on his arms. Oh man. Hot flushes. ¡°Any way is better than no way man. I fucking miss her so much already.¡± Daniel sighs and drops his head into his palms between his knees and scratches his head, then sitting back up he looks at Jake, then at me with so much pain in his face. ¡°How soon can we do this? I can¡¯t stand the agony of waiting.¡± Jake kisses me in the sitting room, as Mathews takes his luggage past us toward the elevator outside the apartment door, his hands cup my jaw leaving me with a kiss that curls my toes. My hormones perking up to say hello, giving me the usual warm tingling longing. I still haven¡¯t got a handle on this pantybusting thing he causes. ¡°I¡¯ll call you when Ind okay?¡± He brushes his nose against mine and lightly kisses me. ¡°I¡¯ll miss you.¡± I sigh against him, my arms around his neck, I reach up to be wrapped around him tightly. He slides his hands down my sides and around my back pulling me in further still. There¡¯s nothing in this world that feels like a full-on cuddle from Jake. Nothing will everpare to this. ¡°No sneaking off to Chicago until I¡¯m back. Promise me.¡± He narrows his eyes at me, and I sigh. Last night and again this morning he predictably used his ¡°sexpertize¡± against me and had me screaming out in agreement that I wouldn¡¯t go. I can¡¯t believe he can still maneuver me that way and yet here we are. I really am pathetically submissive when he gets me naked. ¡°I¡¯m only agreeing because you¡¯re agreeing to Operation Le and taking me on a night out when you return.¡± I smirk at him. His green re hits me again, he isn¡¯t too enamored with the finer details yet. ¡°We could¡¯ve just arranged for them to meet here you know?¡± His voice hitting a slightly edgy tone. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t fall for that and I wouldn¡¯t get my night out on the town that I so badly need. All thiszing about and being housebound is getting old. I¡¯m so bored.¡± I sigh and give him my most appealing smile, fluttering myshes and pouting my lip slightly. ¡°You do know I¡¯m putting a curfew on this, right? No alcohol, minimal dancing and home in bed by ten.¡± He is focusing on my mouth, making me think about kissing him again. Yeah, I think not, Mr. Carrero. You sound like a father right now, not a fianc¨¦e! ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± I smile sweetly. ¡°No, that¡¯s what¡¯s happening!¡± He¡¯s narrowing his gaze on me and I kiss him quickly. Sometimes that mouth is too tempting, even when he¡¯s being difficult. ¡°We shall see,¡± I shrug, slowly and deliberately, watching that twitch of a smirk start at the corner of his sexy mouth. Jake likes to be bossy and inmand, but he also likes me defiant too. He¡¯s getting a kick out of my standing up to himtely, but he can¡¯t keep his temper when I do. I¡¯m d though, life would be dull and tiresome if he expectedpliance from me. He never got much of it when I was his PA so he sure as hell won¡¯t get any more of it just because we¡¯re together. ¡°I need to go, bambino. When I call you tonight, we¡¯re going to try some phone sex. If I have to leave you for work, then we¡¯re definitely doing that.¡± He grins, and I roll my eyes at him and his typical guy- ness. Well, you wanted this side of him back and in full roaring glory after all. ¡°You know you¡¯re only going for forty-eight hours? You sound like it¡¯s going to be weeks.¡± Iugh at him, swiping a hand at that delicious ass, as he turns away. ¡°Forty-eight hours without you does feel like weeks.¡± He catches my hand and uses his hold on it to twirl me around so he can deliver a hefty smack on my ass, showing me how to do it. I yelp at the contact, grinning. Oh, Casanova, still very smooth, aren¡¯t you? ¡°Well you better get going then so I have time to brush up on my most seductive chat up lines for your call Mr. Carrero. I might start with what I¡¯m wearing.¡± I giggle, and he catches me in one final kiss that melts my bones. I wonder if all couples still kiss this way after the honeymoon period has worn off? I can¡¯t ever imagine him not doing this to me, even when we¡¯re old and crippled. ¡°I¡¯ll expect our kind of phone sex to be conducted naked, via Skype, on video call baby,¡± and I get the Carrero wink that makes my knees go weak. Of course, he does. The naughty look he throws my way says he¡¯s serious, then he turns, and I walk with him to the door. He kisses me onest time before sauntering out, dressed to impress in an immacte three-piece gray suit over a crisp white shirt. He doesn¡¯t often do waistcoats under his jackets, but this Saville Row number makes him hotter than hot. I sigh blissfully, watching that ass move out the door, then muse a little sadly when it shuts, and he¡¯s gone again all too soon. He is far too tempting nowadays, and I still can¡¯t get a handle on the craziness of my sex crazed hormones. Damn. Maybe video phone sex isn¡¯t such a bad idea after all? Especially if I need to get through forty-eight hours alone. Forty-eight hours to amuse myself and I¡¯m determined to find something more productive to do than sitting around twiddling my thumbs, feeling like a crazy horny pregnant woman. There¡¯s no denying it, that man has simply ruined me. Tomorrow I am going to shop, maybe abuse that sexy gold card Jake always leaves in my purse, buy some things for this little tadpole seeing as I can¡¯t get round the fact of iting. We¡¯ve already picked the nursery in our new home. I¡¯m sure spending money on Jake¡¯s offspring is eptable seeing as I¡¯m still getting used to this money thing. I did agree to ept this part of his lifestyle and indulge a little, so that¡¯s exactly what I¡¯m going to do. At least try to. Chapter 242 Chapter 242 I¡¯m lying in the bath resting my aching bones after dragging Sarah around the city with Jefferson in tow. I did it, I abused Jake¡¯s credit card shamelessly and bought a mountain of stuff for my growing tadpole and its swelling vessel, in the form of cute maternity clothes. I was a woman on a mission, pushed and encouraged by Sarah and her undying enthusiasm, gushing over the cutest baby items ever. I don¡¯t have an ounce of guilt over it either. Okay so maybe this baby thing is finally real. I¡¯m starting to feel ¡­ Dare I say it ¡­ Excited. It¡¯s the bootee aisle in the baby shop that did it. I skim my hands over my stomach, that little inner tingle expanding some more, only this time I stop and analyze what this weird feeling is, the one thates anytime I allow my thoughts tond on this little being suspended inside of me. The tingling, slight achy sensation in my heart and stomach, a strange fluttery breathless tightening. Love. I love my baby ¡­ I love Jake¡¯s baby ¡­ I love our baby. I sigh and rx into the tub a little looser, a smile stered on my face as I recognize and embrace this new feeling. Now that I can identify it, I can see how different it is to anything I¡¯ve ever felt before, something deeper and instantly stronger, almost close to what I feel for Jake, yet different. I love this sweet unformed being, body and soul in a way that is as all-consuming as how I feel for him. I know if Jake ever did anything to hurt it or me, in the way my mother¡¯s lovers did, then I would take this child and run, run far as I can and lock us both in a safe little box that no one would ever get through. I would die to protect this tiny being inside of me. This is what my mothercks. The overwhelming protective desire to do anything within her power to protect me. Maybe not all women get that maternal surge, but Jake is right. I do and it¡¯s so strong it¡¯s overwhelming me; from this instant I know I¡¯ll never be anything like her. So sure in this fact and realizing it, I smile to myself and slide down in the tub with a sense of happiness and self-assurance. I have wireless headphones on, the iPad running through all the songs Jake has sent me, sighing at the memories, feeling more than a little euphoric with every melody. Shopping today was exhausting and yet, I¡¯m strangely energetic. My body is alert and tingling and extremely happy; only one more day and he¡¯ll be back with me ¡­ with us. I stroke down my stomach,forting our little tadpole, missing its daddy as much as I am already. I sit luxuriating in the hot bubbles,pletely immersed in thought, eyes closed, when I¡¯m shocked, blood freezing, hearts stopping, terror induced to sudden attention. A hot mouthnds on mine delivering a kiss that has me jerking back in shock, followed by an almighty slosh of water which drenches my face in a gasping wave and has me grappling for air. Strong hands yank my headphones off my head at the same time as I make an attempt at rescuing myself from drowning. The urge to panices out full throttle, snapping my eyes open at the assault, I¡¯m met with cheeky green eyes and the biggest grin I¡¯ve ever seen. Jake is straddling me in the water, and he leans in for a second kiss without any apology. ¡°Surprise.¡± He grins, as our mouths meet again, his teeth colliding with my lips. I¡¯m startled and floundering in his embrace, not sure if I should be happy at his sudden appearance or smack him for scaring the living soul out of me. My heart is pounding through my chest right and I¡¯m heaving in breaths to calm down. I p his shoulder haughtily and only get a grin in response. ¡°You scared the shit out of me!¡± I scorn, as he lifts me higher in the bath, stroking the damp hair off my face; nestling me into position so he can get closer. ¡°I saw you lying here looking fucking breathtakingly beautiful and I just couldn¡¯t help it.¡± He grins again and I flick water at him as he leans over me, waist high in the bath. I realize he still has his T-shirt and hoody on, and I can feel jeans ¡­ maybe even trainers down the sides of my legs. He¡¯spletely insane. ¡°You couldn¡¯t stop, and you know ¡­ Undress?¡± I nce him up and down as he starts slowly and sexily unzipping his sodden hoody. My eyes welded to the way his clothes are molding themselves to every hunky muscle in his bodyplimenting his appealing physique. ¡°Nope ¡­ Like I said, you looked too inviting. I rushed my meeting and got everything done in one day to get back to you, so I wasn¡¯t waiting a second more.¡± That smile though ¡­ heart stopping to say the least. Oh, God that man. He melts my heart so effortlessly. He peels off his upperyers, wringing them out, and tosses them toward the open shower floor in a basketball m-dunk move. Could you be any more of a guy? ¡°nning on staying?¡± I look him up and down as he slides back to sit at the other end of the bath, fishing into the bubbly depths for trainers and socks,unching them toward his discarded clothes. ¡°Yup.¡± He leans back against the tub and wriggles a lot before producing the rest of his attire. The water is sloshing everywhere so now the floor is soaked too. ¡°Nora will kick your ass when she sees this mess.¡± I push my toes at his chest, and he catches my foot with a quick hand. He pulls me down the tub, with a little tug, and I squeal in response, pping my arms to the side to stop myself submerging. He doesn¡¯t let go and starts kneading the ball of my foot expertly. Really! ¡°Well, seeing as I¡¯m the one paying her, then tough.¡± He grins some more and it¡¯s obvious he¡¯s happy to be home and with me; his cheery yful mood is majorly adorable. ¡°I¡¯m d your home.¡± I gush at him, rxing into his foot massage, that inner warmth swelling when I¡¯m hit with his sexiest ¡®I¡¯m hot and I know it¡¯ smile. ¡°I¡¯m d too. I missed you more than is healthy.¡± His massage stops, fingers travel up my ankle slowly. His body seems to rise in the water, and he starts easing his way toward me, hands skimming my inner leg and up my inner thigh. Oh ¡­ hello. ¡°Want to help me get clean?¡± He winks as hees over me, his nose grazing mine and our bodies delicately touching in the hot water. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure what you mean is giving you help in doing something dirty.¡± I point out, and that wicked gleam is thest thing I see before he devours me. The floor is going to see a lot more water than this before we¡¯re done. * * * This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. I sigh as I watch him empty bag after bag onto the bedroom floor, starting to feel more than a little guilty at my mountain of purchases. Seeing it all now in the daylight I¡¯m sure I¡¯ve gone and lost my mind ¡­ maybe got a little credit card happy. Yesterday it was easy to keep on buying, as each purchase was swiftly carried off to the car by Jefferson, and I didn¡¯t see the entirety of it until heid it all together on the sitting room floor. I cringe and watch Jake¡¯s face for some sort of reaction but there isn¡¯t any. He doesn¡¯t seem to care that I probably maxed out the card he gave to me. He rifles through some of the tiny things I purchased, holding them up with a happy expression on his face, then eyes a couple of the dresses I bought for myself. I watch him lift the leggings with the weird stretch stomach panel and giggle at the confused look on his face. ¡°I can¡¯t picture you this way yet.¡± He says as a matter of fact and stretches out the panel with his hand to simte a bulge. ¡°You¡¯ve just been presented with your crazy fianc¨¦es credit card happy shopping, probably a rather obscenelyrge card bill, and all you¡¯re thinking about is me getting a baby bump?¡± I stare at him completely bewildered. I¡¯m sure any normal husband to be would be hitting the roof right now at the momentous mountain of stuff. Jake just shrugs and picks up a tiny little pair of fluffy bootees. ¡°I told you to start abusing my cards, God knows I do it often enough.¡± He lifts a baby-grow in the tiniest size ever, holding it between us closing one eye, squinting at me and the little suit at the same time. Looking utterly devastating and making my inner thighs clench. ¡°Are you trying to envision me wearing that?¡± I raise an eyebrow at him and pull a hand to my hip. I¡¯m not sure what sorts of kinky run through his brain sometimes. ¡°I¡¯m trying to figure out how something this size is going to fit inside something your size and to be honest I¡¯m starting to not like myself very much.¡± He drops it back down and picks up a tiny hat instead, fingers tracing it delicately, getting back that little tugging happy smile. You¡¯re so cute. Jake is obviously one of those rare men who like babies, whether he¡¯s aware of it or not, and I can guarantee he will be a very ¡®hands on¡¯ daddy. The thought warms me to my core. Chapter 243 Chapter 243 ¡°I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll manage like every other pregnant woman on the, baby.¡± I smile indulgently at his slightly cautious look before he goes back to snooping through my purchases. As soon as he knew I¡¯d bought items for the baby he¡¯d been all over the bags searching for new tiny and cute treasures. He really is odd for a guy. I try not to think of that bitch when I say pregnant women or while watching the mountain of baby things on the floor. Inner peace ¡­ Breathe. She will not ruin this. ¡°You¡¯re not just another pregnant woman though. You¡¯re my pregnant woman and I must admit baby, now I¡¯m thinking about this whole birth thing ¡­ I¡¯m getting pretty fuck ¡­ goddamn scared.¡± Jake nces up suddenly, stopping mid swear to correct himself,pletely ashen faced and white. I gulp in surprise praying to God he didn¡¯t get his first shes of doubt about being a father. I don¡¯t think I could handle it if he was changing his mind; after all his happiness and being the first one excited about it. I¡¯ve just realized how much I love and want this little bundle and I don¡¯t know how I¡¯d deal with Jake if he didn¡¯t. My heart sinks dramatically. ¡°You are?¡± My voice wobbles a little and his eyebrows lower. ¡°Women still die giving birth.¡± Jake looks utterly devastated and I rx. He¡¯s so heart destroying sometimes. I get up off the bed and walk to him, sliding down into his waiting arms, finding myfy ce on hisp, and nuzzling close among the sea of pricey things ¡­ now eating away at my inner morality. ¡°You¡¯d never let me die. You¡¯re far too stubborn a man to not grip onto me for dear life.¡± I joke, but his tense body tells me he¡¯s serious about this. Jake is overthinking, stressing the shit out of himself, while I¡¯m barely two months gone. Yet another level to that quick brain and keen eye of his ¡­ he¡¯s just too loveable for words. ¡°We should see your OB-GYN again. Work out all the birth details and start nning for a C section early and¡­¡± It alles out in a rush and I silence him with a kiss. ¡°Stop and breathe.¡± I gaze into his bottomless green eyes and smile, calm about this whole conversation, while he¡¯s the one doing an Emma. Crazily turned tables. ¡°Shhhh¡± I kiss him for a second time, trying to nudge his narrowed frown away. ¡°We are going to be okay, you told me so ¡­ Remember?¡± I give him that ¡®you¡¯re never wrong¡¯ face and hope it calms him. ¡°If I lost you¡­¡± His voice is breathy and afraid, his eyes decidedly damp, and I wrap my arms around his neck tightly, bringing us nose to nose so I can inhale his intoxicating smell. His sexy designer aftershave mingled with just Jake that¡¯s devastating to me. ¡°I¡¯m too stubborn to let that happen,¡± I smile, catching a tiny glint of a grin hidden in those hazy greens, peeking through the fear. His armse around my waist and to my back pulling me close, bridging that tiny gap so our noses touch and I¡¯m straddling him on the floor, bodies close ¡­ Intimately close; seeing as I¡¯m in a bathrobe that¡¯s now draped open revealing my naked body, and he¡¯s only in a pair of very sexy boxers. It¡¯s hard to stay on topic with so much naked skin on skin contact on the go. ¡°Maybe you could take my mind off it for the next few months?¡± He smiles, and I catch his eye flicker down between us; seems being naked has its advantages at distracting him anyway. I can¡¯t help but giggle, with a shift of wariness hitting on a full sexual glint, he swings me around onto the floor on my back, lying over me, elbows and forearms at either side of me, holding his body taut over top. I¡¯m still wrapped around him so add my legs around his waist tightly and suggestively. ¡°Are you going to let me set a date anytime soon?¡± His eyese to mine; fingers tangled in my hair that¡¯s fanned across the carpet. ¡°If you think I¡¯m getting married with a bump then you can forget it. I¡¯m not having pictures of me hideously lumpy as our forever photos.¡± I pout at him, but he only smiles at me in a way which screams ¡®You¡¯re adorable.¡¯ ¡°I think it would be sexy, marrying you while carrying our baby.¡± He smirks. ¡°Not a chance. I want to look and feel gorgeous on that day and seeing as you ooze that already ¡­ I can¡¯t have you outshining the bride.¡± I bring one hand down and poke him in the cheek gently. ¡°You will always outshine me, you are perfection in every way, not one woman in the world will ever be as beautiful as you. Bump or not, Emma, you¡¯re stunning.¡± He¡¯s deadly serious as he gazes at me. My heart aches deeply at what he¡¯s saying. Could I love you anymore right now? ¡°I¡¯m still not marrying you with a baby bump.¡± I point out with a devilish smile; romantic heart-wrenching derations don¡¯t sway me that easily, Mr. Carrero. I¡¯m notpletely under his spell and I know in his head he¡¯s still trying to manipte me into what he wants. He just can¡¯t help himself. ¡°Fine we¡¯ll wait until Juniores, then get married. I¡¯d rather it was the other way around, but I¡¯m not in the mood for a fight over this. In fact, I don¡¯t want to fight about our wedding in any way, so I¡¯m going to let you decide on how it goes and how you want it.¡± He smiles in that swoon worthy way and I narrow my eyes suspiciously. ¡°Why are you being so amenable suddenly?¡± It¡¯s not like him at all. He leans in and starts running a gentle lick up my neck, shivers tingling through my body, and his hot breath is making my inner core clench. You¡¯re so easy, Emma, it¡¯s pathetic. His stubble scratches me in a sensual way, before he goes for my exposed throat, nting kisses vertically down my neck, from my ear to my shoulder. ¡°I have other battles to deal with and I don¡¯t want our happy day to be one of them.¡± He¡¯s focused on making my body tingle with expert attention to the ces he knows affect me most. Good answer, Carrero. ¡°So, you¡¯re fine with waiting until baby is here and we¡¯re all set in the Hamptons then?¡± I tilt my head to catch his eye as he lifts his gaze to mine. ¡°Sure ¡­ Just so you know, that tonight, when we go on your little Le Operation, I¡¯m bringing you home as soon as things look rosy for the two of them.¡± He smirks, and I eye roll. God damn you, Carrero. I¡¯ve managed to convince both girls to have a celebratory ¡®I¡¯m having a baby¡¯ night. Jake should¡¯ve been flying home today so I arranged it for this evening. Sarah¡¯s fully on board and up to speed with all that is the ¡®Le and Daniel¡¯ show. Marcus is even invited to tag along with the men. Fortunately, he works most evenings at a bar in Queens, so Jake and Daniel are going to be a duo tonight. Le doesn¡¯t seem to suspect a thing when I called her at lunch while shopping. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°That is in no way some sort of verbal agreement orpromise, Mr. Carrero.¡± I huff and get a little pouty as he smiles at me, his mouth lightlying in to trail my neck near my jawline. His hot warm breath sending shivers in every direction and his voice takes on the severe husky low tone that always drives me wild for him. ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± Oh, no you don¡¯t. My words. Not yours. ¡°No, we won¡¯t.¡± I turn my face away from him as though I¡¯mpletely unaffected by the way his mouth is seducing me; my body is literally brimming with horniness right now. ¡°Annoying ¡­ isn¡¯t it? Those few little words?¡± He nibbles my ear lobe and I sigh, rxing into what he¡¯s doing because it feels good, the way he lowers his groin into me, slowly and gently rocking over me. My eyes snap open. ¡°Oh no, you don¡¯t. Mr. Sexpertize! You are not bending my will with this.¡± I know exactly what he¡¯s doing, and he chuckles in the most annoyingly young way, like a young boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Smart bastard! ¡°We both know I can,¡± and he can, it¡¯s true. I can¡¯t think straight with the infernal body rubbing going on. I know I should stop what he¡¯s doing but all my resolve is fading into nothing with his pressed to mine and those hands skimming me seductively. Jesus. ¡°No. No. NO!¡± I try for pushing, my hands meeting his unmovable hard chest muscles, he doesn¡¯t budge an inch. I want this night out to rx and let my hair loose, Hunter and Le drama aside. I¡¯m really looking forward to doing something sociable and morous. Okay, who are you? Where is Emma? What the hell does he bench press? Freakin yaks or something?! For God¡¯s sake! Wow. ¡°You¡¯re pregnant.¡± He says as though it¡¯s the only answer in the world which should matter. ¡°Yes. Pregnant, not disabled, or dying, or incapable.¡± I point out, trying again with the pushing, getting nowhere. ¡°Fragile.¡± He says a little more forcefully. ¡°Please. I¡¯m not that goddamn fragile. It doesn¡¯t stop you maneuvering me into kinky positions pounding into me at your heart¡¯s content when the moment overtakes you.¡± I point out. ¡°That¡¯s a hell of a lot different. I¡¯m always conscious of how Iy my hands on you and how I¡¯m fucking you.¡± He frowns at me and shows me his deadly serious re. He really does remain aware of little tadpole, even during sex? My heart flutters a little. Okay that is unbelievably sweet ¡­ despite his use of that vulgar word. I roll my eyes and sigh. ¡°I need you to loosen the reigns a little and stop saying ¡®fucking¡¯. I¡¯m not asking to go out without you, just stop smothering me so protectively. You¡¯re driving me insane with this. I mean that poor doctor looked like he was afraid for his life.¡± I attempt to get my arms into a chest fold but he¡¯s too close, so I end up just slumping them down beside my head on each side. ¡°Good, he should¡¯ve been. If he had the urge to touch you one more time, I was going to¡­¡± I cover his mouth with my hands. ¡°¡­That¡¯s what I mean! He was feeling my stomach, like he¡¯s supposed to, not feeling me up. You never once noticed that I was letting an actual man touch me without wanting you to rip his throat out. I was very proud of myself that I could ept he was just doing his job and not being some sleazy leech. If I can ept that then you can too.¡± I smile triumphantly, feeling a little courageous. Chapter 244 Chapter 244 ¡°I changed your doctor,¡± he says it in such a deadpan way that I literally choke on disbelief. I guess that¡¯s why I haven¡¯t received any follow up appointments yet. Although to be fair I already knew this wasing because of his call straight after our appointment. ¡°Why?¡± I pretend to sound stern. I¡¯m really not though. He narrows his eyes at me and sighs, rolling off me onto his back, staring at the ceiling, looking guilty as hell, arms bent at the elbow, crossed over at his forehead. ¡°Because I¡¯m still a jealous dickhead. I got you a woman instead.¡± He throws an arm over his face and looks a bit remorseful, in a sexy ¡®bossy little shit¡¯ kind of way. I know I should be angry at him. I know I should be throwing all sorts of stroppy tantrums but right now I just want to kiss him, so I start to giggle. Giggling turns intoughter at the realization that I¡¯m stuck with this man child who can be so suave and confident one minute, then this insecure impulsive little boy the next. ¡°I didn¡¯t think you would find it funny. I was so sure you¡¯d be pissed so I was hoping to just spring her on you.¡± I nudge him in the ribs. If he wanted to do that then he shouldn¡¯t have openly called for a list of female GYN¡¯s in front of me. ¡°She better not be prettier than me!¡± Iugh at the absurdity of the two of us, and he rxes then laughs too. ¡°Fuck, no baby. No woman will ever take your beauty queen crown ¡­ Are we always going to be like this?¡± He turns on his side and leans on his elbow, propping himself over me, his free handing to cup my abdomen possessively, sying his palm out t, covering our baby. ¡°Probably. I mean maybe we won¡¯t be as bad the longer we¡¯re together, but I don¡¯t think I¡¯m capable of not being a little bit jealous about other women lusting over you.¡± I smile hopelessly as he leans in and kisses me softly. ¡°And I¡¯ll never want to stop beating the shit out any man who dares to touch you, baby.¡± He smirks at me and I sigh. ¡°We¡¯re perfect for each other,¡± I giggle as his hand trails my face, tracing my features slowly. ¡°I¡¯ve been telling you that since the day you met me.¡± He winks and leans down for another passion fueling kiss. His mouth molding so deliciously to mine, tongue teasing me intoplete submission. ¡°Want to spend the day in bed letting me show you all the ways in which we¡¯re perfect for one another?¡± He smirks wickedly, and my body heats up almost instantly. He should know by now that lately I never turn that down. ¡°So long as I¡¯m notte for meeting Le tonight. We have a couple of friends to sort out.¡± I giggle as that adoring hand moves from my abdomen to my inner thighs, sliding slowly up under my robe, arching as he connects with me divinely. ¡°You look sexy as hell. I¡¯m not sure about leaving you in that bar for an hour. This was dumb.¡± He rakes a hand through my hair, catching it in his fist and giving it a little pull to bring my mouth to him for a gentle kiss. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°Le will smell a rat if you¡¯re all there when we walk in. I want her to loosen up a little so give us time to talk before you twoe crashing in.¡± I¡¯m trying to be patient with him tonight, his jealous and protective side is wanting to dominate but his loving side is trying to give me a little space. He is visually struggling with himself. ¡°Then you should¡¯ve let me arrange a quiet club. Less people, less chance of someone knocking into you and¡ª¡± ¡°Stop.¡± I lean up and kiss him. Jake¡¯s heart is thudding, and the way he keeps rubbing his hands on his jeans tells me he¡¯s on the verge of a panic attack. He¡¯s turned into aplete contradiction of who he normally is over this, like our proposal night all over again, and it melts me. He¡¯s been sweating rivers since we arranged this little Operation, at the thought of me being be out in the big old world without his constant protection and I giggle at the thought. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, we¡¯re going to get a corner seat, ply her with cocktails, and just talk. It¡¯s a weekday, the ce will be quiet, no real party animals on a Tuesday night, Jake. Just people meeting for drinks.¡± I¡¯m trying to soothe away the face that hase over him, furrowed brow, infamous Carrero re and touch of childish pouting. My heart softens to goo. ¡°An hour though? I¡¯ll go out of my mind. Maybe if Mathews sat ¡­¡± He¡¯s close to pacing again, like he was before, a frantic wild-eyed look draining over his face. ¡°No. Stop. Seriously.¡± I take both of his hands and pull them to my waist, he follows obediently. ¡°Trust me to take care of myself. I was doing it long before I had you. You on the other hand ¡­ I¡¯m not sure you can be trusted out with Daniel Hunter, there¡¯s a lot of things you two could get up to in an hour.¡± I point out and his face crumbles. ¡°You know I never would again, Emma ¡­ You know...¡± Again, with the panic-stricken expression. I silence him with a kiss. ¡°Trust,¡± I say slowly and deliberately with two raised eyebrows and he sags with defeat. That green- eyed re is turbulent, but he¡¯s resigned to the fact that this is happening. Realizing that trust is a two- way thing and he wants me to trust him more than anything in the world. ¡°Keep your cell out. We¡¯re going to a bar that¡¯s close, really close so if you need me sooner, I¡¯ll be there.¡± He raises an eyebrow at me in finality. I sigh at him then kiss his cheek indulgently before moving off to finish getting ready. He sighs heavily as he goes to the wardrobe to fish out his usual ck shirt and jeans for a night out. I know this isn¡¯t easy for him, the thought of not being there to look after me, but he needs to let this go. He trusts Nora and Mathews to take care of me here in the city, and he trusts Sylvana and her staff to tend my every need when in the Hamptons, so now he needs to trust that I can take care of myself when out with my girls ¡­ when out anywhere in general really. He needs to learn this, or my life is going to be almost impossible with him in the future. ¡°Don¡¯te until I text you. That¡¯s the deal. If Le is still too hostile, then it won¡¯t go well, so let us talk her round first. Promise me, Jake.¡± I turn toward him with my most efficient PA Emma tone, the one that used to get him to behave. He tenses his jaw as he stares into his wardrobe mulling over his response. ¡°You have an hour, max, if no text after an hour, then we¡¯reing.¡± He grits his teeth and I find myself eye rolling. I¡¯m not in the mood to keep this going. I¡¯ll have to y it by ear and hope I can deter the force that is Carrero from turning into a cyclone in that bar if he tries to enter before I need him. ¡°Stop ring at your clothes ande over here and help me with my ne.¡± I smile at him, a tad happier as I catch that naughty look wash over his face. I¡¯m in for some serious groping, before Jefferson takes me to meet the girls; no doubt of that. * * * ¡°Whatever you have that¡¯s going to get me smashed in the shortest amount of time.¡± Le eyes the bar tender, wildly tossing that choppy blonde hair back off her face. She¡¯s dressed to kill, wearing a strapless, short, tight, electric blue dress with killer spiked heels that look rather dangerous. Steel spikes sticking out the rears with a defiant look welded to her face. She¡¯s been this way since we picked her up at her apartment and she¡¯s not our usual, bubbly, happy Le at all. ¡°I¡¯m not getting smashed tonight.¡± Sarah cuts in. ¡°I have work tomorrow andst time was brutal; we cooked seafood all day. Do you know how bad raw seafood is when you¡¯re hungover?¡± She grimaces at the memory. ¡°I obviously can¡¯t drink.¡± I point down. ¡°So, I suppose, I¡¯m on orange squash or something fruity and non-alcoholic.¡± Both girls throw me a pitying look but then smile and rub my belly, almost in sync. They¡¯ve already dered themselves aunties and argued over godmother rights of my future Carrero offspring. Back at our seats in the corner I rx a little as I look around, even for a weekday the ce is busy and full but there¡¯s a mellow atmosphere and people are milling around chatting rather than hard core partying. The DJ box in the corner is on low, ying some chilled music, only adding to the calm atmosphere. I find myself aching for him to be here already, despite myself, and push it aside. ¡°Get that dreamy look off your face already and tell me when they¡¯reing.¡± Le breaks in with a look that says busted. She doesn¡¯t sound happy but not angry either, just resigned, knowing this would happen at some point. ¡°What?¡± I blink at her rapidly, guilt coursing through me and wonder how the hell she worked it out from just one expression on my face. ¡°Oh,e on. I¡¯ve known Jake practically my whole life and I happen to know what he¡¯s like over you. This phony little freedom right here ¡­¡± she says pointedly, drawing a circle around me in the air, ¡°¡­without armed security and a huge stic bubble keeping you and his heir safe from people breathing on you ¡­ God forbid ¡­ I knew instantly you two had set me up.¡± She looks rather pointedly at me and then Sarah usingly. I blush and Sarah just giggles. ¡°Gee this one¡¯s sharp. Is thatmon with all Jake¡¯s friends? Far too quick on the uptake!¡± Sarah takes a sip of her drink and watches us both with amusement. I should¡¯ve known she would figure this out, she¡¯spletely right. My being out of Jake¡¯s sight for any length of time these days screams of huge red warning gs. Dammit. ¡°Okay fine. But we did it out of love and Daniel really wants to see you, Le. You dumping him is just in absurd.¡± I wave my hands guiltily. She throws back her drink and starts waving manically toward the bar with her ss in the air. The tender throws her an obvious What? shrug, informing her this is not a table serving service, but starts making her a new drink regardless. Le and her power of persuasion. ¡°I can¡¯t do it.¡± Le looks down at the table and sighs, the feisty girl I adore taking a moment to lower her angry guard. ¡°He¡¯s going to crush me; the longer I see him the more I fall for him and he¡¯s going to fuck it all up.¡± She ils at me inplete raw despair while Sarah reaches out a careful hand. Le just looks so broken somehow. Sarah¡¯s always been good at giving touching, empathetic, love. ¡°Le, it¡¯s fear, you¡¯re not really giving him a chance,¡± she croons at her with her wide doe eyes in sympathy. ¡°You never saw him, some girl all over him trying to get in there and he was just so ¡­ nk.¡± A single tear fills her eye and she wipes it away, angrily, with the back of her hand. Her little face crumbling and her lip wobbling adorably. ¡°I¡¯m lost. I don¡¯t get you?¡± I sit back trying to analyze her face. Trying to put myself inside Le¡¯s head and failing. The girl has as manyplicated walls and levels as I used to have. Chapter 245 Chapter 245 ¡°He didn¡¯t exactly push her off, the way Jake would for you. No beat it or fuck off, he just stood there watching her gyrating at him with her hands on his chest. Then it hit me, if I wasn¡¯t there then he would¡¯ve totally fucked her.¡± She brings a red-rimmed set of heartbroken eyes to me and I sigh. I know how soul destroying that kind of insecurity can be. Hunter probably wasn¡¯t even aware of the affect his indifference to the girl had on Le. ¡°I know he wouldn¡¯t have. You¡¯re not giving him a chance, Le. You¡¯re so sure he¡¯s going to disappoint you and hurt you that you¡¯re looking for fault. Looking to push him away.¡± I take her hand in mine, trying for mature and direct. Sarah can be the soft one, I need Le to see sense. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°Did you confront him?¡± Sarah is watching her with the same expression as me, maybe she¡¯s decided logical is the best route too. ¡°Of course, in grand crazy bitch fashion, the stupid me who has been giving him hell for weeks.¡± she sighs and sinks even lower in her seat. ¡°I told him to fuck off, we were done, and I threw my drink at him. Told him to take the whore if that¡¯s what he wanted.¡± A blush of red surges over her delicate features as she cringes at the memory; at least she has the sense to realize she acted like an insane woman. ¡°Jealousy is a killer.¡± I point out, knowing fine well I probably would¡¯ve kicked Jake¡¯s ass if it¡¯d been me. Jealousy makes us irrational, seeing red no matter how innocent the situation. ¡°Well, aren¡¯t we little angelic bundles of insecurity?¡± Sarah chirps in with a smile, patting Le¡¯s hand. ¡°I once threw an entire te of pasta at Marcus in a restaurant because some ex-girlfriend kissed him on the cheek when she came by to say hi.¡± She shrugs as a matter of fact. ¡°I tried to convince Jake I was climbing into another guy¡¯s bed because I heard a girl in the background when he was on the phone to me.¡± I also shrug. The three of us regard each other for a moment, then burst outughing. Even Leughs and wipes her smudgy eyes. ¡°None of that is healthy at all.¡± Le looks deted. ¡°But it makes me feel less insane. I know I flew off the handle, but honestly, this is so hard. Daniel has made an art out of fucking my head up for thest ten years and now he¡¯s doing it again. I¡¯m so scared that one of these days he¡¯s going to turn around and be like ¡­ ¡°This ain¡¯t for me, kitten.¡± She does a very good Hunter impression, rmingly so, even the way she tilts her head and raises a palm. ¡°Have you ever thought about not being so hostile and giving him a genuine chance? Letting him in a little so that maybe he won¡¯t want to turn and run?¡± Now it¡¯s my turn to pat Le¡¯s hand and she sighs as the bar tender nudges in with a round of drinks, leaving his card in full view in front of Le, cockily and a little too smoothly. A move Jake would¡¯ve pulled off a hundred times more seductively. ¡°Call me.¡± He winks at her, before wandering back off back to the bar, with a smile. All three of us watch him go with equally unamused expressions. He¡¯s tall like Hunter, overly muscr and blonde, but way less appealing. He has an I¡¯m in love with myself, so I bet you are too aura about him, making him unattractive instantly. ¡°Arse,¡± Le retorts, dumping the card over her shoulder toward the floor, no care to the fact that he can still see her. ¡°So, if sexy barmen dropping their card on yourp are not going to cut it then what next?¡± Sarah is the one trying to decipher Le¡¯s thoughts now, appraising her intensely. ¡°Guess you better tell the assholes they cane in then and at least try to pretend to look surprised at seeing us here.¡± She mumbles, sitting up straight, and taking a steadying breath. Fingers in her hair, tidying it up, self-consciously. * * * As soon as Le knew they wereing she lost courage and high tailed it to thedies¡¯ room alone, telling us she needed a minute to breathe and fix her face. I know the men won¡¯t take long to get here, knowing Jake they are probably camped out on the bar doorstep. He¡¯s probably wearing out a hole in the pavement from frantic pacing. Sarah and I sip our drinks watching the scenery, chatting non-descriptively, in the few minutes it takes that sexy six-foot two Adonis toe swaggering in, making my insides liquefy. He has the same effect on me every time I see him. He makes everyone else disappear, with just an appearance, like watching him course through the crowds at the Charity Ball all over again and my heart soars. He spots us with his eagle-eyed observation and immediately turns our way with Hunter behind him. Some little brte appears, stopping their progress, waving her hands and hips at him and a frown crosses Jake¡¯s face as he looks down at whatever she¡¯s saying. He gently and firmly puts a hand on her shoulder, pushing her aside without another nce, and he just keepsing toward me. Suddenly, I get what Le meant. She wanted some sort of sign that Daniel was hers, not just weird angry dating and sex. She wanted to see him show loving possession in subtle ways like Jake just did. The girl was a test in Le¡¯s messed-up head, and he failed where Jake just seeded. Hunter needs to start making obvious shows of his love for her, be demonstrative, and assure her that this is the real deal for him. I doubt that he¡¯s had any chance of showing any form of softness while Le¡¯s been in high maintenance feisty mode. He needs to be the guy he was when she was sixteen, the gentle boy who made her first time beautiful, if he¡¯s ever going to win her round. Le is the same insecure and terrified girl I was. She needs Daniel to cut through all her crap and see it too. He needs to romance her, rather than handle her; under that crazy spirited exterior she¡¯s still a girl shielding a fragile heart. When they approach, Jake swoops in and kisses me hard on the mouth, a hint of aggression telling me thest half hour has probably been torture for him and now he¡¯s here needing to expel all his tension. I tilt my head back, straining my neck with the ferocity of his kiss and lose my breath at the sheer passion in it. ¡°Steady on, Carrero.¡± Sarah giggles, pping him on his huge muscr shoulder. ¡°Let thedy breathe. You might actually break her neck if you keep that up.¡± Jake throws her a non-apologetic smirk thenes back to kiss me, a little gentler, while still cupping my face and saving my neck from injury. Daniel is holding back behind Jake, looking around sheepishly. He seems tired and stressed and, need I say, a lot heartbroken. He looks nothing like the Daniel Hunter of old, the little lost soul inside of him on full view. ¡°Where is she?¡± He butts in, doing another eye sweep of the room. It¡¯s obvious he¡¯s on tenterhooks and can¡¯t seem to stand still. Jake stands and motions to the bar almost ignoring his question. ¡°We¡¯re going to get drinks; we¡¯ll be a couple minutes. You need top ups?¡± He strokes a hand down my face, turning away when Sarah and I shake our heads. ¡°Bathroom.¡± I raise my eyebrows at Hunter as Jake pulls him away, part of him so sure she wouldn¡¯t be here, and he rxes a little. Bless him. ¡°Wait,¡± I say hurriedly. Jake halts and both men look my way. ¡°I know you¡¯re expecting fiery hell-cat and her usual shitty attitude, Daniel, but she needs some tender handling. It¡¯s all an act and maybe if you try the gentle approach it might make a difference. She needs the guy who made her first time the best time,¡± I raise a brow subtly, seeing the way his frown ripples across his face as he takes in what I¡¯m saying. Jake throws an arm around Daniel¡¯s neck with a rather intrigued and mildly aggressive expression ¡­ Oops ¡­ a reaction to finding out about Hunter¡¯s removing of Le¡¯s virginity I expect. ¡°In that case, seeing as I¡¯m the ¡®pussy touchy one¡¯ that you¡¯re nothing like, we shouldpare notes, right?¡± Jake jibes Daniel¡¯s own words back at him and pokes at his ribs with his free hand dragging him off to the bar. I would love to be a fly on the wall in their next few minutes of conversation. I watch the pair saunter to the bar; heads close as Jake obviously imparts some words of much-needed wisdom or maybe drags Les first time truth out with hostility. They¡¯re only just getting there when I spy Le appear across the room. She instantly spots the most attractive pair here, by a long shot, and she loses every ounce of Le confidence and spark. She fumbles with her bag and turns, retreating to thedies¡¯ room as though her ass is on fire. This is not going well. I go to get up, but Sarah catches my arm sitting me back down, her eagle eyes having seen Le too. ¡°Let her regroup and try again, she¡¯s only justid eyes on him and I¡¯m guessing it threw her. Give her time to do this on her own.¡± Sarah is always the wise one and I nod as we watch impatiently for any sign of her return. I can¡¯t help catching the way Daniel¡¯s head tilts in the same direction and I know he¡¯s watching for hering out, he didn¡¯t see her the first time. His bodynguage is emanating all kinds of fear and tension. The boy is seriously desperate to see her, it¡¯s so touching. If Le can¡¯t see how much he loves her then she¡¯s quite frankly a fool. It feels like a long time of Sarah and I passing silent tense facial expressions before she nods toward the distance. I turn to see Le walking out with head held high, a look of pure defiance on her pretty little face and the stride of a woman inplete bitch mode. She looks at us, locking onto her focus, before marching our way on a mission. She turns as she gets to the DJ box swinging her hips sexily as she makes her way toward him, leaning in and touching the DJ on the shoulder, whispering something in his ear. I catch Hunter out of the corner of my eye looking her way and he moves out. Jake¡¯s hand on his chest stops him, suddenly, and Jake leans in saying something in his ear. Close and serious and Daniel nods without tearing his eyes from his prize. Chapter 246 Chapter 246 The DJ nods at Le and seems to put on whatever request she has made as she moves back with a satisfied fake smile on that little face. The sound of Pink ¡°So What!¡± starts flowing across the room and I know Le is trying to convey to Daniel that she doesn¡¯t care one iota about his presence. She¡¯s in full defensive mode and the walls are up. Her song choice is one of attitude and I don¡¯t need you. So definitively Le She¡¯s obviously found her spark again and Daniel better bring his backbone. She turns to saucily saunter away from the DJ booth and I¡¯m drawn to the fact that Daniel is almost upon her, catching her arm mid-stride, she recoils and tries to haul it from him. But he just keeps a strong hold tugging her back with him by the wrist to the booth. His arm stretched out as she tries to go the opposite way, but he keeps a firm hold of her while leaning into the DJ and saying something. He holds out what looks like a hundred-dor bill then the music is cut instantly. As soon as the softer notes of a new song starts Hunter turns back to the deathly still, ring, girl in his grip. Ed Sheeran ¡°Thinking Out Loud¡±, waves across the room and I can¡¯t help but smile. Hunter is taking my advice, doing this the softly, softly way. I could almost apud him right now; instead of bringing his wild cat back to heel he¡¯s sweeping her off her feet. He should have done it this way long ago. The only thing on his face right now is fear, and I watch in fascination. Her little chin lifts and bristles with defensiveness, his body sags and he bespletely submissive to her, almost in response, reading her. Daniel is not being his usual dominant, cocky self with his little fury girl. He¡¯s reaching inside showing her a part of him that obviously existed when she was sixteen years old, when he¡¯d made her first time with him memorable. A part of Daniel I¡¯m guessing no one ever really gets to see. Jake slides in next to me, cing two beers on the table, sliding an arm around me and joins in on watching The Hunter and Le Show. ¡°I told him to stop with the games and just talk to her, like a normal person; to stop acting like this was all some ¡°casual see where it goes bullshit¡± and just be honest with her,¡± he says huskily. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. Games huh? Not so long ago I knew a certain guy who was rather partial to our little games. That guy seems to have calmed down nowadays though. I smile up at him, warmly, receiving a kiss on the forehead as a reward before my eyes snap straight back to the couple that I really want to sort things out. Le tries to tug herself away again, but Hunter won¡¯t let go, despite her resistance her normal fire is absent, and she turns her body instead, so she can look away from him. He only steps closer so he spoons her, his hand instantly moving to her hair, gently brushing it away as he leans in saying something in her ear. His whole manner is soft and agonizingly sincere, and I can¡¯t help feeling like we¡¯re getting a glimpse into something deep and meaningful. The music flowing over the entire bar only adds to the heart tugging scene before me, the song, somehow, crazily Daniel. Whatever he¡¯s saying is having some sort of effect as Le¡¯s lip starts to wobble, and she bites on it to stop herself from crying. The music obviously giving a helping hand as her defenses start to crumble, lifting that chin again, tensing her body to try to resist. He lets go of her arm and runs a trail of fingers from her wrist to her shoulder, still bent in low, talking directly into her ear. She physically trembles and I smile, knowing exactly how Jake can make me feel by doing that, knowing Le has zero chance with Hunter if she does love him. Brief tender touches have a way of going straight into your soul. Daniel stands up straight, walking around her so they¡¯re face-to-face. He tilts her chin up on gentle fingertips, softly. Le stiffens and presses her lips together hard. She¡¯s trying to stop herself from crying, stop herself from submitting, but Daniel is obviously doing an amazing job with whatever words are flying from his mouth. He has an expression of sheer adoration on his face as he moves in, slowly lowering himself to her height. He looks nothing like the boy I met so long ago, smug, and cocky, checking me out. Instead, there¡¯s the softness of a heart on show, desperation to win back the woman who makes him whole. It pulls a little tug of emotion from my chest. It¡¯s obvious to the entire room that Daniel Hunter is well and truly deeply in love with Le. He delicately cups her jaw with one hand, brushing back stray hairs from her face with the other, he¡¯s still saying something to her. In fact, the whole time they¡¯ve been standing there, while she¡¯s been in defiant silence, he hasn¡¯t stopped talking to her. Her body is slowly loosening its stiff resolve. A tear rolls down her cheek and he wipes it away with his thumb gently, kissing her where it was. There¡¯s a body flicker a little at the contact. He leans in lower, bringing his mouth achingly close. Sarah and I are locked on, with bated breath watching and waiting. Captivated by every beautiful moment unfurling across the room, mentally pleading with Le to let him in. Jake¡¯s drinking his beer, casually stroking my shoulder, not as fascinated by this emotional scene as we women are. I nudge his thigh and point, urging him to look and take some interest in what¡¯s happening here. Daniel and Le are really connecting. I re at him as he smirks and shakes his head at me. He¡¯s obviously a typical man after all, having no clue or care right now and looking moderately bored. Watching him means I¡¯m missing them, so I flip my gaze back to the pair feeling Jake¡¯s hand run across my head, petting me, because once again I¡¯m so devastatingly adorable to him. I sigh, eye rolling at his typical guyness, and wait with bated breath. Daniel is so close to her that their mouths are almost touching, he¡¯s still talking, still moving painfully closer. Edging in, softly, keeping her eyes locked on his. I wonder what the hell he¡¯s been saying all this time? He¡¯s cradling her face and slowly the tension in her body seems to be sapping away. He¡¯s breaking down the Le defense system and the walls are slowly lowering. Finally, agonizingly, he bridges the gap and kisses her, painfully slowly, eyes fully locked. Their gaze, one of the gentlest and tender I have ever witnessed in my life and it tugs right into my stomach causing a huge pit of female emotion. Sarah and I both sp hands and gasp ¡°Aww ¡­¡± at that same moment I catch Jake eye rolling, dramatically, which earns him a smack on his thigh. Unfeeling bastard. As soon as Le rxes into Daniel¡¯s kiss, their eyes close and he slides his arms around her waist and lifts her up to his height. Her arms slide around his neck and presses into him, so they mold together perfectly. All cute littlepact curves against tall hard and athletic muscle, they make a gorgeous blonde couple. Le¡¯s heels pick up, she bends her knees so any passing victim could be impaled on those shoes, but neither of them seem to care. They are oblivious to everything around them as they move into a deep passionate kiss with a lot of tongue, getting as close to one another as is humanly possible. I know how that feels. I shy away with an ufortable frown as their passion turns up a gear. Okay, so cute when it¡¯s romantic. But now it¡¯s just a little pervy to be watching them hit full-blown erotica. Jake leans into me and kisses me on the cheek. I guess that¡¯s his little ¡®Oh I¡¯m happy for my mates¡¯ gesture, and now he can get back to convincing me that I really want to go home. He seems to be * * * We¡¯ve been here hours and it appears everyone, except me, is moderately drunk. Le is wrapped around Hunter, on hisp, and the pair of them haven¡¯t stopped ogling and kissing one another since they sat down. We gave up trying to keep them in conversation ages ago. They only have eyes for each other tonight. The crazy aggressive nature of their rtionship ispletely missing, all gentle looks and caresses, and they seem so ridiculously in love. I guess there will be no bloody noses and bruised jaws when they finally get to a bed. Jake has pulled me against him in a very possessive manner, arm looped casually around my neck, hand hanging loose in front of me. He¡¯s been this way since he got here, constantly close. A few more of Jake¡¯s friends have joined us at the table, familiar faces from Arrick¡¯s birthday. Sarah¡¯s lost in conversation with two brtes who keep ogling over Jake and Hunter, despite the men being very obviously attached to Le and me. They¡¯re lucky I¡¯m too tired to care. Jake has spent the entire time looking at some guy to his right and Daniel is too wrapped up in Le to even notice. Luckily, or both those bitches would have very sore faces. I yawn, snuggling against Jake, bored with drunken chat, aching to go to sleep. Jake is merry and not as sober as he seems which, I¡¯m guessing, is why he¡¯s rxed enough to let us stay. Jake wasn¡¯t interested in staying after his bro¡¯ and Le hooked up. I wanted to stay, and with some perfectly ced doe eyes and pouty lips aimed his way I started to realize just how much I can wrap him around my little finger. Outright defiance bristles his domineering side, but sweet soft looks seem to melt all his resistance. So much for marching me home before ten! I won this little battle, not that there won¡¯t be many more in our future, knowing him. I think Jake is enjoying kicking back again, drinking and being in a club is something he¡¯s avoided since the night with that bitch. I sigh up at him, adoringly, no tug of pain from thinking about her at all. Am I finally ready to just ept what happened? All of it? Baby included? Jake spots me yawning for the second time and slides his beer on the table, an instant change of expression as full on care giver mode moves in. Chapter 247 Chapter 247 ¡°Come on, baby, let¡¯s get you home.¡± He kisses me gently on the temple and for once I¡¯m not arguing, I¡¯mpletely exhausted and happy to be going home to curl up with him. I can¡¯t imagine anything more tempting in the world. He pulls me up with him and starts looking around for something. ¡°I didn¡¯t bring a coat if that¡¯s what you¡¯re looking for.¡± I yawn again, ignoring the look of irritation pass over his brow. He picks up his leather jacket and puts it on me instead. I smile, especially when he tugs me forward to zip me up like a child. I get a tiny vision in my head of Jake doing this for his child. He¡¯s an absolute natural and I can¡¯t help but notice the sheer envy on the two brtes faces at the way he¡¯s tending to me. ¡°Danny? I¡¯m taking Emma home.¡± Daniel lifts his bottle in acknowledgment over Le¡¯s head then goes back to saying something close to her mouth that makes her smile and she kisses him gently. Completely enamored, all signs of feisty Le dissipated, this tame snugly version far more her somehow. Hunter has one hand on her ass, the other on his bottle but his eyes are all for her. Maybe they have a chance this time. ¡°Sarah, you cane now, or you can let Jeffersone for you when you want to go? Danny has his number.¡± Jake nods toward her and she grins back at him, shamelessly drunk. So much for going easy on the booze. ¡°This here is Delh; she¡¯s taking me home as we¡¯re both from Queens.¡± She beams a little too drunkenly and Jake doesn¡¯t smile back. He takes his caretaking role very seriously. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°Then you won¡¯t mind if Jefferson takes both of you, it¡¯s non-negotiable.¡± He¡¯s obviously in no-nonsense mode, thinking practically, looking after my friend, and dismissing her wishes. I love him! ¡°Okay, okay, keep your hair on.¡± Sarahughs, good humoredly, and I Jake rxes. ¡°I don¡¯t know how you put up with him being so bossy.¡± Sarah smirks at me but I just curl myself around him and snuggle in. ¡°Because I like it for the most part,¡± I mumble, as his arm tightens around me appreciatively and he lovingly kisses the top of my head. Jake leads me out through the milling people, and we head toward the main entrance of the bar. His hand is entangled with mine and his jacket warm around me smells of him, in a very sexy manner that has my tiredness giving way to something naughtier. Thoughts of Jake in the back of the car are sweeping through my head at a hundred miles an hour and I¡¯m suddenly so eager to get him alone. Drunk Jake is usually a lot of kinky fun and far less cautious of being gentle. ¡°Jake?¡± A male voice cuts into my thoughts, the instant aggressive stiffening of Jake¡¯s entire body alerts me to him as we stop in the foyer. He turns and looks over his shoulder at the direction of the voice and scowls with a deathly re I¡¯ve only seen on him once before. I gulp and turn as I see who invokes that reaction. My stomach hitting the floor and instant apprehension prickling my skin. Ben Huntsberger. Oh shit. He¡¯s making his way toward us from across the room and he looks anything but friendly. Jake tugs me behind him in a heartbeat and seems to grow about two feet as he rounds in front of me, putting himself between me and Ben like he¡¯s posturing for a fight and the waves of sheer terror move in. ¡°What the fuck do you want?¡± Jake growls and snarls; it¡¯s the most unnerving sound in the world. His body bristling with sheer aggressive tension and I start to feel afraid. Last time Ben appeared, Jake shoved me out of the way, not once but twice. Am I in danger of being roughly handled again? The coldness sweeps through me at the thought of what harm an innocent push could do to the child inside of me, my hand instantlyes up to cover my stomach protectively. I start to try to free my hand from his grip in panic, wriggling my fingers to be released and pulling back. Jake, feeling my attempts to disentangle, seems to sense my unease and looks back at me with a slight softening to the look he¡¯s throwing Ben¡¯s way. His eyes go to the hand on my belly and back to my face with an intense gaze. ¡°Emma, no! You know ¡­ I¡¯d never ¡­¡± He utters softly to me, a moment of tenderness in his eyes, reassurance during the cyclone rearing its ugly head. Still. I¡¯m scared. ¡°I need to talk to you.¡± Ben finallyes level, seemingly more agitated than aggressive, despite Jake¡¯s posturing and bristling like an alpha male. He has none of the scowling smug behavior ofst time we saw him and looks directly into Jake¡¯s eyes confidently. They are matched in height and being stuck in a corridor behind them is not exactly my idea of a good night at all. ¡°What the fuck would I have to say to you?¡± Jake¡¯s being charmingly Carrero. No fake politeness or friendliness, just direct and to the point. ¡°Look I know we have a history but right now I need you to put that aside, because we have one big fucking thing inmon and I need to talk to you.¡± Ben raises defensive palms raking his hand through overly neat hair, weirdly Jake-like. It¡¯s crazy how much more they resemble one another, especially now that Ben¡¯s hair is a little messier. I wonder how the hell that happens with two men who are completely unrted. Jake¡¯s grip on me loosens a little and I sigh in relief when his body seems to go back to natural stance, losing that terrifying fighter¡¯s attitude. ¡°And what would that be?¡± He still sounds defiant and most definitely aggressive. No love lost and all that. ¡°We both fucked Marissa in the week she fell pregnant. Me more so than you.¡± Ben states as a matter of fact, with a raised eyebrow, and a look that says, ¡®Yeah exactly¡¯ ¡­ Fuck. Wait ¡­ What? ¡°I just found out that she¡¯s pregnant.¡± Ben is pushing fingers through his hair, rubbing his face in complete agitation. ¡°I¡¯ve been away for a while on business ¡­ London. I only got back yesterday.¡± He seems so overwhelmed andpletely rattled. We¡¯re sitting in the quiet booth of a bar near the one we came from. It¡¯s almost deserted and both men are cradling neat gin while I hold a ss of coke. I¡¯m too wired and awake to contemte sleep now. Ben¡¯s revtion has all sorts of crazy plots swimming through my overemotional brain and Jake seems far too calm and in control from this revtion, to be good for him. ¡°So ¡­ The baby could be either of ours and yet she failed to mention it?¡± Jake appears pensive. He¡¯s been in closed-off thoughtful mode since Ben¡¯s disclosure, with his dark looks and scowling tone, and I really want to know what¡¯s going on in his brain. He¡¯s not someone to hide a temper re-up unless something more sinister is brewing in that clever head of his. This is very much business brain mode and usually means a whole lot of trouble is brewing in its calcted depths. ¡°She came to me after the awards show. The after party you and her apparently hooked up at.¡± Ben downs his gin and slides the ss away while Jake continues to cradle and swirl his. ¡°Told me she wanted to give us another go and proceeded to fuck me stupid for three days with no protection because she was on the pill. Then I never heard from her again.¡± Ben¡¯s face tightens, anger on show, now obvious to the game of maniption he¡¯s been duped into. There¡¯s a lurch in my stomach at the disgust of any woman being that vile, that conniving. ¡°But if she was on the pill then she wouldn¡¯t have got pregnant, right?¡± Ben looks at me as though expecting to confirm it, but Jake cuts in. ¡°Emma¡¯s pregnant and she was most definitely on the pill.¡± I nod, what else can I do in a conversation so over my capabilities right now. This bitch was riding Jake¡¯s back for months and now he might not even be the father at all. ¡°Oh ¡­ Congrattions, Emma.¡± Ben frowns and gazes at his ss again, both men mulling things over, trying to decide if Marissa¡¯s pregnancy was nned or idental. ¡°Thanks, Ben,¡± I reply shyly, noticing Jake¡¯s unapproving re toward Ben. I interrupt to break up whatever that look meant. ¡°I think she got with you to ensure she would get pregnant and lied about the pill. She was making sure there would be a baby no matter what and she probably has no idea which of you it belongs too, hence the resemnce.¡± I carry on, instead of silently listening. My brain is whirring in chaos, trying to figure out if one woman could really be this cold and calcted. Ben is as close to Jake in looks as earthly possible, so it would make sense to ensure that when she got pregnant, she would pick someone to resemble Jake. That way, when the baby came, he wouldn¡¯t question paternity and possibly drop the DNA request just on looks alone. Was she that desperate to link herself to him for a lifetime that she would do this? How could any woman have so very little morals or self-decency? ¡°She¡¯s turned down the DNA request enough times.¡± Jake cuts in before Ben can answer, his mind slowly turning over my theory. I can see it in his face, the same one used to churn over business proposals that I thought might be of benefit to hispany. Both men regard one another for a second, some strange look transpiring before them, and Ben sighs heavily. The atmosphere is weirdly calm considering these two are at the same table and the topic is Marissa. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Jake ¡­ Not for this shit, but for the past, for letting her get inside my head making me believe she meant more to me than our friendship did.¡± Ben looks defeated and remorseful sitting with a bowed head and sad expression. My breath catches in my throat as a hit of emotion inside of me shes, at this sudden apology right out of the blue. Jake pauses and stiffens, exhaling loudly, before sitting back in his seat. ¡°You were in love with her ¡­ I thought I was too.¡± He shrugs quietly looking at Ben with absolutely no emotion whatsoever. Thought? Meaning he never really was? Chapter 248 Chapter 248 I catch the way he¡¯s looking at me and I get it. He thought he knew love until he found it with the right person and my stomach somersault, a little jump of happiness, probably mildly inappropriate right now. ¡°I know, but I should¡¯ve seen her what she was, the way she always twisted things, so she was the victim. For years, she had me hating you, believing that you broke her heart and she could never trust me because of it. Too stupid to realize it was all her and you were just as much a part of the fall out as I was.¡± He looks genuinely sorry. There¡¯s something decenting through about Ben, despite what I know of him and the past, underneath all that anger and rivalry is a guy that once meant a lot to Jake. ¡°And now? ¡­ Your obviously still in love her if you wanted to try again?¡± Jake watches Ben intensely and Ben shrugs. ¡°I was ¡­ Maybe I still am. I don¡¯t know. I never could understand why no matter what I did she wanted you. But now I realize, Marissa doesn¡¯t know love, she only does possession. She thinks you owe her; she hates that you walked away and won¡¯t ept that she can¡¯t have you. To her I¡¯m a sure bet she can pick up whenever she feels like it so to her, I¡¯m not any fun anymore.¡± He sighs, knocking his ss against the table, emotions running across his face in a sh. ¡°She¡¯s cold and calcted so none of this surprises me.¡± Jakeces his fingers in mine and pulls my hand to his mouth, rubbing my knuckles across his lips. A gentle gesture to reassure me because of the topic, always caring about how I feel. Right now, with him and all this mess, I¡¯m strangely detached and emotionally tired; Marissa and her antics exhaust me. ¡°So, what do we do now? ¡­ How do we find out who the father is?¡± Ben is watching us a little closely, hints of envy glimmering in his pretty face. ¡°We can¡¯t find out for definite until it¡¯s here, but I¡¯m not one to sit back and wait while she calls all the shots. We go see her, now, and let her know her little fucking game is up.¡± Jake¡¯s tone has tightened considerably, and I think the anger is beginning to settle in. The fact that she¡¯s been deceiving us all for months has obviously dawned on him. My chest tightens and I turn to Jake with wide worried eyes. ¡°You want to confront her?¡± I sound childlike and vulnerable suddenly, every instinct telling me he shouldn¡¯t do this tonight. ¡°Why not?¡± Jake has the look of a man severely pissed and not about to drop it. He¡¯s also more than a little drunk and impulsive spontaneity is his worst trait when he¡¯s under the influence. ¡°Because it¡¯s stupid o¡¯clock in the morning and you¡¯re both drunk.¡± I try for sense, not getting any, with a wolf like snarl they both nod in agreeance at Jake¡¯s n. ¡°Can¡¯t imagine a better time.¡± Ben quips in and both men raise an eyebrow in solidarity. It¡¯s not hard to see that these two used to get along. They are annoyingly simr right now, reading each other¡¯s minds, already making moves to get up. Oh crap, crap, shit. ¡°You don¡¯t even know where she is.¡± I sound panicked and I am. This has stupid written all over it and a part of me wants Jake to take me home so we can talk alone and process all of this. I have no idea what confronting her right now will do. ¡°She¡¯s here in Manhattan, her father¡¯s apartment.¡± Ben points out as Jake lifts his full ss from the table and downs it in one very fast glug. That¡¯s not a good sign. Oh god. ¡°You sure?¡± Jake¡¯s even voice is simmering with rage. His no-nonsense posture and tense muscles make my heart pound through my chest. ¡°Positive. I was screwing her friend Amyst night, that¡¯s how I found out she was pregnant. Amy told me where she is.¡± Ben shrugs into his jacket. What is it with these Casanova men and random hook ups? ¡°Why haven¡¯t you gone to see her then? Asked her before you saw Jake?¡± I wish he had, we could¡¯ve avoided all of this, saved it for a time when Jake is sober, and this isn¡¯t so fresh. I can feel anger bubbling inside of him and it¡¯s only spelling disaster. ¡°I needed space to think. Then when I saw you two at the club earlier, I figured some confirmation was a good idea. For all I knew Amy was lying.¡± Ben is seemingly more epting of this situation than Jake, but it¡¯s most likely because he hasn¡¯t had months of Marissa badgering him, arguing, and digging her ws in. There¡¯s something so ¡­ Jake-like in Ben ¡­ old Jake. It¡¯s in his mannerisms and rmingly simr face, something disconcerting about his presence and authority too. Only, Ben is less fiery, calmer, in the way that Hunter appears to be. Jake always seems like he has something hot brimming under his surface, a sense that you know he¡¯s capable of pouncing. Changing fromid back to crazy aggressive in an instant, but Ben doesn¡¯t. He seems to be a calmer and more rxed person than Jake. ¡°No better time than the present.¡± Jake¡¯s already on his feet, pulling me with him, that spark simmering, highlighting what I was thinking. I wonder if it¡¯s the hot Italian blood Sylvana likes to boast about. Uh oh. ¡°Jake. Wait until tomorrow or maybe I should go home?¡± inner panic is setting in and a wash of fatigue. I don¡¯t want to get into an all-out screaming match with Marissa again, as much as thest one ended in happy tears, this one might not. ¡°No. I want you with me, baby. I swear we won¡¯t need to stay long. I¡¯m sure Ben will want some time alone with her to talk when we¡¯re done, then I¡¯ll take you home. I want you to witness this too.¡± Jake leans in, kissing me tenderly, his hand grazing my face softly and I catch Ben¡¯s eyes on me. Jake doesn¡¯t want to be with Marissa without me being there, always in the back of his head that I won¡¯t trust him. I would rather he went without me in this. ¡°This is a better fit,¡± Ben says suddenly, nodding at me, ¡°You and Emma. I see what Marissa always wanted with you and never got. It¡¯s obvious how much you love her; it was never obvious with Marissa.¡± He drops his chin to his chest. ¡°I don¡¯t have that with her either ¡­ I don¡¯t think I ever will, even if the kid is mine. I can¡¯t trust the bitch anymore.¡± He lets out another deted breath. Ouch. Ben lifts his head and gets to his feet, a showing seriousness to his face and we all head out. Jake all but has to drag me out into the crisp dawn air on a mission I want to be no part of. Jefferson appears as though by magic, and I wonder where he¡¯s been hiding all night. Surely that isn¡¯t what he has to do? Sit around and wait for us? We slide into the car and Jake pulls his phone out and dials before sticking it to his ear with a look on his face of sheer determination and a somewhat sardonic expression. It rings for a few minutes before she answers him. I can almost make out her sensual purring on the other end of the receiver even from my distance. ¡°Marissa, it¡¯s Jake. I need to see you, where are you?¡± He sounds deceivingly sexy as he tries to keep his tone even. I know he wants to make her think he¡¯s begging to see her for something she may actually like. I shiver with jealousy but bite it down. He sounds like the guy from the office, the one who used to call dates and arrange casual hook ups, back when I was nothing more than his assistant. Casanova in full control. ¡°Stay there. I¡¯m on my way.¡± He slurs a little, trying to make sure she thinks he¡¯sing to see her for a booty call in the middle of the night or early morning whatever it is, believing that she¡¯s getting a drunken Jake and some sort of reunion. He¡¯s making sure she¡¯ll open the door to him, alone. I know it¡¯s pretend but it still makes me hurt and emotional. I look at myp and instantly feel his mouth against my temple. ¡°I love you, baby,¡± he whispers quietly in my ear brushing my hair back, his eyes finding mine reassuringly with a small tender smile. Always so in tune with me. I smile up into his adoring face and melt. ¡°Still a clever fucker.¡± Ben smiles and Jake pulls me closer, an arm around my shoulders between the two men, as he helps me get my seat belt on in the ck Lexus. Ben is still on the pavement at the open door, leaning in. This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡°Much smarter than you ever were Benny-boy.¡± Jake smiles back, a moment of friendly sparks suddenly fill the air. It¡¯s weird yet strangelyforting. ¡°That¡¯s true, you saw through her shit and got the fuck away ¡­ I kept getting dragged back, repeatedly it seems.¡± Ben sighs and climbs in beside me. I notice that Jake has no qualms about sitting me between them. Jake of yesterday would¡¯ve put me on one side away from Ben, guarding me possessively from the guy he hates so much. But, in thest hour something has changed between the two men, some sort of truce and forgiveness in such a simple conversation. Chapter 249 Chapter 249 Getting into her apartment is easy enough; all Jake needs to do is bark two words into the inte. ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± and she lets us in without any hesitation. Whore. She has the shock of her life when she answers the door, in nothing more thance bra and panties under a see-through robe and is faced with two angry men and a seething little blonde girlfriend. All I can do is balk and take in her slutty attire, she truly believed he wasing to fuck her. What is she from? Marissa visibly steps back mouth gaping, before recovering her equilibrium, making no attempt at covering herself. She nces swiftly at Ben, noticing him seems to knock the wind out of her sails and she pulls her robe across her protruding bump. ¡°What the fuck is this?!¡± She snaps. Jake pushes past her dragging me, quite confidently, by the hand into therge expensive apartment. It¡¯s a loft apartment and is decorated in an almost industrial style. I don¡¯t want to know if he¡¯s ever been here with her, even when they were teens. ¡°What does it fucking look like, Marissa?¡± Jake growls, taking me to a low couch, sitting me down gently, plumping a couple of cushions up behind my back and running a finger across my mouth as though to ground me, trying to help me rx. His attention is always on me. ¡°We came to party.¡± Ben breaks in sarcastically. He wanders over to the mini bar and I notice the way he starts fixing two drinks, acting equally as cocky as Jake. He seems a little toofortable in here as well. I guess this is an apartment they¡¯ve both known quite well, and it makes me feel a tad sick. ¡°I want you all to leave, I don¡¯t know what this is but ¡­¡± She starts with hands on her hips, nastily pouting. ¡°Cut the shit, Marissa,¡± Jake snaps and walks beside Ben to lift a ss, downing it in one go. I cringe at every drink he takes, knowing it¡¯ll fuel that less than reasonable side to him. Jake is more capable of ferociousness when he¡¯s consumed alcohol. ¡°Were you ever going to tell me that your baby has two possible fathers, Marissa?¡± He res at her icily, all hostility on show. Ben seems immersed in cracking ice for his own drink and pours Jake another without question. He is irritatingly cool,id back and almost smiling. I wonder if this is why they used to get on so well. Jake was the hot head and Ben was the calm one. Hunter is that for Jake now, sometimes. It¡¯s weird to see them so buddy-buddy, side by side at the drinks bar while impressively intimidating the shit out of her. Both scary in full-blown scowling-alpha mode, in entirely different ways. I can see why she has a hard time picking between the two when they¡¯re like this, so effortlessly alike, domineering in their own way. But to me, Jake is far more beautiful. I like his impulsive fire way more than Ben¡¯s cool mood. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. I know which one of you is the father.¡± She lifts her chin nastily, no hint of remorse, surprisingly no hesitation either. Interesting. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°Sorry ¡­ How can you tell who the father is when you fucked two men within twenty-four hours of one another?¡± Ben remarks snapping at her and I catch a tiny flicker of something appear on Marissa¡¯s face. Not knowing her well I assume it¡¯s a tiny il in her perfected bitch stance. She¡¯s lost her confidence, but Jake¡¯s sharp eyes swoops right in. ¡°What the fuck was that?¡± Jake snarls viciously, and I jump at the temper only moments ago, I was admiring. ¡°Hmm?¡± Ben looks up, a little clueless,pletely non-phased with Jake¡¯s outburst. ¡°That look ¡­ That tiny little falter on her calcting face.¡± Jake raises his empty ss like a pointing tool and Ben is now staring intently at her. She moves her hands to her hips. ¡°You can stop the double act and get the fuck out before I call security,¡± She walks toward me, and Jake grows a little taller, bristling if she darese anywhere near me. She sees it in the corner of her eye and halts, changing direction and goes to the chair near the door. It seems like she knows enough about that Carrero temper to not be sure of how he would react to her getting so close to me. Atst she realizes I mean more than life to him and it gives me a sudden sense of calm and control, old Emma moving in, making me sit a little taller. ¡°You have thirty seconds to leave.¡± She sounds confident and bolshie but both men justugh at her, almost manically. ¡°I¡¯d love to see your fucking security try sweetheart.¡± Jake bubbles, his anger simmering as he downs another drink equally as fast as thest. I¡¯m a little nervous. I¡¯m starting to wonder if his fast alcohol consumption is wise. He knows how it can make him and Marissa isn¡¯t someone he can take his fists to. He¡¯s bristling for a fight and I pray to God she doesn¡¯t bring any men in here that he can inflict damage upon. If I was her, I¡¯d fear the psychotic sound to Jake¡¯s tone. He can be as scary as hell and I can¡¯t imagine what he¡¯d do to her security. Ben isn¡¯t much of a fighter against Jake, but I¡¯m sure he would give it a damn good go countering some heavy-handed bouncer. He has Jake¡¯s build and height and looks like he could inflict a great amount of damage and, despite downing as much booze as Jake, he still appears to be the calmer of the two. ¡°What do you want? You want me to say yes I fucked you both?¡± Sheughs and nothing, but manic bubblinge out; acting like this amuses her. I¡¯m starting to wonder if she¡¯s mentally all there. ¡°We already know that sweetheart.¡± Ben res at her icily. Yes, that¡¯s what it is, ice and fire, Ben, and Jake. I can see it clearly now. ¡°So, what? You¡¯re going to try to force me to consent to DNA testing when it¡¯s born? You can both fuck off and I¡¯ll see you in court! No one can do anything to this kid without my fucking consent and as neither of you will get a chance to be alone with it ¡­ good luck with that!¡± She gets up and goes to walk airily toward the phone sitting on the table beside me. I automatically pick it up, standing to meet her. ¡°Looking for this?¡± I hold it up. ¡°Calling your security?¡± I raise an eyebrow at her and catch Jake moving nearer to me from the corner of my eye, always trying to protect me. He¡¯s ready to take her down, I have zero doubts about that and I¡¯m not sure how I would react if he did. Jake isn¡¯t someone who would hurt a woman, but if he felt I was in danger maybe he would. ¡°Thank you.¡± She holds out her overly manicured hand sarcastically, red talons and swinging charms, but I just slide her phone into my bag with a wicked smile. She isn¡¯t bringing any form of help that would put Jake into fight mode until he¡¯s finished with her. I can protect him too. ¡°When we¡¯re done ¡­ I wonder how many close friends you talk to about your pregnancy, Marissa? I know I have at least one female friend who knows everything intimately. You know? Every single tiny detail.¡± There¡¯s that tiny ray of hope inside of me, the one Arrick nted a while back, the slithering of doubt that this baby is Jake¡¯s at all. The way she seemed to confidently suggest she knew exactly whose baby this is ¡­ there¡¯s only one way a woman would know for sure. There¡¯s that faltering flicker on her face again and I sense Jake¡¯s warmth right behind my shoulder. I¡¯m a little more empowered as he seems to get what I¡¯m hinting at. His handing to my waist lets me know he¡¯s right behind me, not that I need it. I can always feel his presence. ¡°I wonder how many texts you¡¯ve sent about it?¡± I reach back into my bag slowly, wondering how easily I can make her fold especially if I¡¯m right about this. ¡°You can¡¯t ess my fucking messages. I have a pin.¡± She smirks, but Jake steps in front of me protectively, sliding a hand behind him to keep me close, telling me he doesn¡¯t trust her not to fly at me. ¡°I don¡¯t need one,¡± he growls at her. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure any of my tech guys could ess your messages seeing as I managed to track my girlfriend¡¯s cell in less than five seconds when I needed to.¡± He¡¯s back to that snarling furious tone sending shivers down my spine. So, that¡¯s how he did it? ¡°What do you hope to find?¡± She lifts her chin defiantly, smirking, but the look of smugness has evaporated from her dark eyes, reced with a slight hint of apprehension. ¡°Maybe something fun and incriminating, maybe nothing.¡± Ben slides in and seems to be enjoying this a little too much. I¡¯m sure he has no idea what we¡¯re on about but he¡¯s ying along. An old friendship flickers between the two men who used to, so closely, have each other¡¯s backs. ¡°Did I actually fuck you?¡± Jakees out with it, getting to the point, and I catch Ben¡¯s confusion flicker across his brow. He quickly regains his previous expression, nk-faced, and says nothing while turning to look at Marissa. She snorts but doesn¡¯t answer. Her head shaking as though this is ridiculous. Her foot tapping and hands firmly on her hips as she pushes her bust out. She looks impressively feisty and ready to take them both on. I can see why she may have held some attraction to a fifteen-year-old Jake. He likes the feisty in me and my ability to stand up to him. He always smiled when I bristled back at him and gave him attitude as his PA. ¡°Did. I. Lay. A. Single. Fucking. Hand. On. You?¡± Jake says it very slowly, so agonizing to hear. Every word, precise, oozing with a hint of poison. ¡°It¡¯s not my fault you can¡¯t remember, baby. But you still fuck hard, even when you¡¯re drunk, and I more than loved it. You made me cum like a freight train.¡± She throws me an evil look, her arched eyebrow and haughty smile trying to wound me. Ben clenches his jaw and looks away, still obviously affected by her. He has some feelings left for her, but Jake is showing that there¡¯s nothing at all in there for her with him. Inner anger seethes and bubbles inside of me and I want to gouge her eyes out. Fucking bitch! Chapter 250 Chapter 250 ¡°I never did I?¡± Jake sounds shocked. My head snaps up to him wondering what he sees close-up in that cocky whore¡¯s face that I can¡¯t. She hesitates and looks back at him, like she¡¯s been caught, and she loses the mask for a millisecond. It quickly draws back up, but I think even Ben caught it, a tiny flicker of shit he knows. ¡°Yes, you did,¡± she snaps a little too quickly. The flicker turns into a full-on twitch as she has trouble keeping her face under control. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t. I can tell when you¡¯re lying to my face ¡­ I never had sex with you, did I?¡± Jake¡¯s tone has completely dispersed, instead of rage he sounds shocked, something in his brain whirring and clicking. Figuring it all out, trying to work through the drunken haze of a night he still can¡¯t remember. ¡°Marissa? Surely even you couldn¡¯t scrape as low as that?¡± Ben snorts in absolute disgust and I see the ways she clenches her teeth, pure hatred emanating everywhere. Ben shakes his head, appalled, deciding that this is the truth right here. He walks off to get another drink. ¡°That night in the hotel ¡­¡± Jake¡¯s lost in memory and talking out loud, his voice a little soft, ¡°¡­ You never said my baby. You said you were having a baby.¡± He seems to be trying to pull something out of his head, running fingers through his hair. ¡°You knew I would see a lie when you were faced with me that way.¡± His chin lifts again and res at her angrily. ¡°You¡¯ve got no clue of what you¡¯re saying.¡± She throws her hair back over her shoulder and turns to storm off, but Jake¡¯s lightening quick reflexes means he catches her wrist and pulls her back with serious aggression; yanking her to him with a hollow thud as she hits his chest with her arm, he draws her wrist up to his shoulder angrily. The grip is harsh, even from here. ¡°You said you were pregnant and having a baby. You asked me what I was going to do about it, but you never actually used the fucking words my baby ¡­ Not once ¡­ In that whole conversation. Later when we were separated bywyers and distance, sure ¡­ but up close like this ¡­ Never fucking once!¡± He¡¯s standing but his back is bent, nose to nose with her, voice seething, scarily intimidating and I being to wonder if he¡¯s capable of hurting a woman in this state. I recoil behind him, suddenly unsure of this person I¡¯ve never seen beforeing out. My heart is pounding and every part of me is fighting to intervene. I can¡¯t let Jake hurt her even if I hate her. I would never look at him the same way. This isn¡¯t what I want, this isn¡¯t who I love. I can feel his hatred for her sweeping off him, around us, like smoke filling the room. So many memories of cruel men with power over me and I can¡¯t let that happen to anyone else, even her. ¡°Stop it, you¡¯re hurting me,¡± she snarls through gritted teeth but there¡¯s fear in her eyes too. She doesn¡¯t know this version of him and neither do I. I feel faint with the confusion tearing through me. My hands cover my mouth and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Even Ben looks a little uneasy at this terrifying version of Jake in full-on viciousness and he tenses as though ready to intervene. ¡°Did I fuck you?¡± His angry re and nasty growl, through clenched teeth, show a man on the verge of so much rage it¡¯s sweeping off him in droves so powerful the air seems to be cracking around him. His knuckles are white with the grip of his fisted hand by his side, and the one on her wrist is almost crushing her. This is a side to Jake I¡¯ve never known and he¡¯s terrifying. Her eyes fill with tears and she stops pulling at her wrist because it obviously hurts. The color drains from her face, her eyes losing a little of their confident arrogance and her lip starts to wobble in the presence of this version of him. She feels the same fear I feel, but she¡¯s the object of his pure undivided attention so I can only imagine how much worse it really is. He¡¯s almost nose to nose with her in the most vicious scowl I have ever seen. I reach out to his back and touch him, a begging touch, to stop hurting her for me. I may hate her but right now I can¡¯t bear to see her hurt like this, not by him or any man. No women ever deserves to be treated this way even if she has done the unthinkable. His grip loosens enough for the color of the pale skin in her fingers to start warming again. He¡¯s responding to me even full of rage and I calm a little, knowing he¡¯s still in there and still responsive to me. He hasn¡¯t sumbed to some red veil of rage and nking me out at least. Marissa looks ashen faced and scared. I don¡¯t me her; this isn¡¯t my Jake. This is a man with the potential of someone like Ray Vanquis, someone with enough strength and aggression to make a woman submit to the truth by any means. Someone who could beat a woman to the floor without a second thought if he wanted to. The tears start pouring down my face, willing me anywhere but here so I don¡¯t have to witness what he thinks is necessary. I couldn¡¯t forgive him if he does this. I don¡¯t want to see this, so many memories brimming to the surface of my brain and wounding me. ¡°You still want me,¡± she whispers to distract him, aiming for some emotion inside of him that she¡¯s sure he still has for her, trying to manipte and w back some of the man she previously knew. But this time she¡¯s pushed him too far. ¡°Marissa, I fucking hated you for years, but I don¡¯t hate you anymore, because I don¡¯t give enough of a fuck about you to feel a single fucking thing.¡± He lets her go, with a voice as cold and empty as ice and steps back, much to my absolute relief. I feel faint with it. His words must sting as eyes fill with moisture and tearse pouring down. If it were me, I¡¯d be dying right now knowing that Jake could be so brutally cold and cruel and emotionally dead inside. My body sags with relief that he¡¯s backed off and I¡¯m so confused with all the emotions hitting me over this scene. I shiver and wrap my arms tightly around myself, willing my Jake toe back into this room. I hate being here without him. I need him to be the one dealing with this, not this crazy, rage brimming Jake that Marissa seems to have pulled out of him. He¡¯s like a stranger to me. He stands towering over her, every part of him poised and solid. Even Ben has moved away far enough for me to get the impression that this isn¡¯t over, and I start to tense again. That tingle in the air, a mix ofThis content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. dangerous and crazy, lingering and I am on the verge of tears again. My body, heart, mind, and soul are really struggling to endure this. She doesn¡¯t say anything, just looks from one man to the other in desperation, like she knows she¡¯s losing and is floundering at what to do. Afraid of the man before her, her face softens, her tone changes, eyes widen to rming Bambi type levels. Her whole body seems to sag and turn submissive. ¡°Ben?¡± she whispers tearfully reaching out for him, turning on the tears and victim eyes much like my mother used to do, as though trying to get some sort offort or reaction. She¡¯s acting scared hoping Ben will protect her from the obvious lunatic in the room. She¡¯spletely nuts. ¡°I don¡¯t think so, sweetheart. I¡¯m done being head-fucked by you. Just answer him.¡± Ben downs another drink, clinking the ss down on to the counter without another look her way. Offering no help at all but he does, however, shift closer and I wonder if deep down he would still protect her; especially from this angry and raging man stood in front of her. Jake is possessed by something, by her and their past, and the way she nearly messed-up our future; all his anger is focused on her, built up, ready to burst. She raises her chin in onest show of pride and then nastiness moves in, a darkness taking over her face as she stands tall to meet Jake with matched venom. She¡¯s decided to stand and fight. A switch in her head goes off and a new personality steps in; she knows she¡¯s lost so she¡¯s going down in a ze of fire. ¡°All yourme-ass drunk self could do was talk about her.¡± She nods at me nastily, eyes never leaving his, defiantly. ¡°Some fucking assistant you were hung up on, then you told me to fuck off, before you passed out face down, fully dressed.¡± She¡¯s decided that if the truth is toe out, she¡¯s going to do it in grand fashion, twisting the knife at the same time. She¡¯s on a sinking ship and doing herself no favors. A massive gust of relief rushes through me, my heart soaring, squealing, and aching that even back then, Jake obviously loved me. It makes me forget the past few minutes, in tion. But I need to hear her say it, I need to be a hundred percent certain. I want the actual words to finally free us from all the anguish she¡¯s held over us these past few months. ¡°So, I never touched you in any way ¡­ Nothing? Not once?¡± Jake is back to snarling as pieces of the puzzle click into ce. The agony of these past few months and all the drama and hassle she¡¯s caused over a baby that wasn¡¯t even Jake¡¯s? All of that and there was never even a tiny sliver of a chance at it being his. He is ripping her head off with his eyes, yet his ferocious unpredictable poise has slowly dissipated. Her confession was all he wanted. It was all an act, a maneuver, another Carrero maniption on his part. ¡°You were as much of a disappointment to me that night as you always have been, Jacob. You don¡¯t know what to do with a real woman like me and you sure as hell couldn¡¯t get it up. Yeah, I fucked Ben to make sure I got pregnant because payback is a fucking bitch!¡± She ps the ss out of Ben¡¯s hand since he¡¯d sauntered over to hear every word from the lying whore¡¯s mouth. It smashes to the floor and she turns on her heel storming away. Jake seems to be immobilized in rage and maybe relief, while Ben with blinking disbelief, is still trying to take in the fact that he is one hundred percent the father. He¡¯s ashen faced as though it¡¯s dawned on him that he¡¯s having a baby ¡­ with her! He has the look I must¡¯ve had when I found out about tadpole, and Marissa¡¯s baby. ¡°Marissa?¡± I call after her and she stops, spinning her head to me with a look ofplete hatred. I toss her phone onto the floor between us, not caring if I break it and scowl right back. ¡°You¡¯re pathetic ¡­ It¡¯s sad that you had to go to such lengths to get something he gave me so freely.¡± I lift my chin and slide my hand into Jake¡¯s, anger tremoring through his body, vibrating with rage, as I tug him with me. I¡¯m no longer afraid of that scary psycho look on his face. Jake would never hurt me in that way no matter how seething he is, and my touch seems to calm him. He never left me in here at all, he just needed to push her to break her barriers and confess, always the maniptor and never a Vanquis. I was stupid to ever doubt him. ¡°Take me home, Jake, I want to go home.¡± I turn my adoring eyes to the man who loves me, smug at the seething despise on her face as she watches us. Secure in just how little he must¡¯ve ever felt for her to be able to scare her that way and now ted that her hold over him is gone. Jake slides an arm around me pulling me in, watching the sheer toxic rage in her eyes, and we leave Ben and Marissa to sort out the future their baby will have now. I niggle with a little remorse at poor Ben¡¯s crushed demeanor as we walk out. With every step away from that apartment Jake seems to lose some of the soaring anger coursing through his body and starts to loosen up. Every footstep pulls him back to the man I know and love and as we reach the stairwell, his palms slides over my stomach with a huge sigh of relief. He pulls me to a stop before hauling me into his arms and exhales slowly right into my hair in an all-consuming full body embrace. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I scared you, bambino ¡­ Really, really sorry. I just needed to push her for the truth ¡­ I needed her to be scared enough to admit it.¡± Chapter 251 Chapter 251 ¡°I can¡¯t get my head around it.¡± Jake utters for the hundredth time as we lie in bed, our bodies entwined. My exhaustion has dissipated, giving way to mind-numbing silence after the events of the evening. We finally have freedom ¡­ from her. We¡¯ve been home for a few hours and yet mostly all we¡¯ve done is lie together and talk. Hours spent regurgitating the fact that there is no other baby, wondering how his family are going to react and how different things will be from now on without it hanging over us. It¡¯s still too surreal to really believe and emotions between us have been swirling like crazy. ¡°I can¡¯t believe it¡¯s over,¡± I exim out loud, hearing him sigh again. A happy heavy relief kind of noise. ¡°Me either, it feels like it¡¯s been consuming me ¡­ us ¡­ for months.¡± He¡¯s lying on his back, staring at the ceiling while I rest my head on his firm abdomen, tracing the tattoos on his inner forearm of the arm across me casually. ¡°How did she think she would get away with it?¡± I nch thinking it through, and turn, shifting up to him, resting my head on the bicep of his arm nestled behind his head and stare at his profile with an inner bubbling happiness. Jake¡¯s naked torso is deliciously on show, the sheets pulled up to waist level. ¡°That level of crazy has no logic, Emma, I¡¯m just d Ben had the sense toe see me and not let the festering past stop us.¡± He sounds calm and stress free for the first time in forever. It¡¯s only taken hours though for it to hit home. ¡°I can¡¯t believe it.¡± I say again through the numb disbelief still hanging in the air; after shock, anger, tears, and relief subsided. We have really been through it all. ¡°Just you, me and tadpole from now on.¡± He beams turning to face me. His arm shifting under my head, bending at the elbow to make himself into a better cushion. Jake was angry when we came home, rage pouring out of him like a spewing sewer and it took a lot for him to expel it. He disappeared into the gym for a while, to recklessly punch and kick the of crap out of his boxing bag with deadly precision. But lying here now, calm, and serene, I think it¡¯s finally sinking in that this is a good thing, a happy thing. I know a part of him will feel a sense of loss at the severing of the connection he built up emotionally with Marissa¡¯s baby; in the belief that it was his. Some part of him epted the child she was having; the anger is his way of grieving its loss, as well as Marissa¡¯s depth of betrayal and deceit. ¡°I guess it won¡¯t be a tadpole now, if you¡¯d let that doctor look, I¡¯m sure we would have a better idea on what size it is.¡± I point out with a smirk. Jake touches his fingertip to my nose with an unapologetic smirk. ¡°I have an appointment for you this week, I forgot to tell you, and I¡¯m still not letting anyone stick a wand up there to see. Male or female.¡± His furrowed brow and smile tells me he doesn¡¯t care if it makes him look possessive, controlling and slightly overprotective. ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯s not long before they can scan my stomach instead, plus the thought of being impaled by some nasty looking probe isn¡¯t giving me the greatest of thrills anyway.¡± I cringe at remembering the weird medical implement the doctor was stupid enough to wave around near one very hostile Carrero, and giggle at the memory. The probe, moments from being used in a very different way and leaving the doctor with an unusual walk if he kept waving it within Jake¡¯s reach. ¡°New obstetrician and a lot more appointments, I just wasn¡¯t happy with the guy all over you.¡± He grimaces at the memory as though I was somehow assaulted in front of him. I roll my eyes at him with an indulgent smile and stroke his face tenderly. What can I do with him ¡­ Honestly? ¡°You¡¯ll need to tell your family about this now you know, this thing with Marissa? We need to tell our friends too.¡± I focus on those soft green eyes and see nothing more than uplicated love shining back. Whatever demons he needed to expel, were banished sessfully in the gym. That version of him a little too ufortable for my liking, reminding me of how easy it would be for someone Jake¡¯s size to hurt someone my size; serving to highlight how gentle he really is. ¡°I think it¡¯s a given that everyone will be happy for us; pity I can¡¯t say the same for Ben. I wish it wasn¡¯t him that got left with the fallout, even after everything.¡± He frowns and runs a hand across my mouth, a habit usually followed closely by kissing or sex. His mind moving from mundane topics to fun activities instead. My skin starts tingling in anticipation, and a small warmth appears low down in my stomach as I watch his green eyes darken. ¡°Maybe in a way it¡¯s retribution? They have each other now whether either one wanted it or not. Ben will have some hold over her with the baby and seeing her for what she is has probably helped him a little.¡± I inhale softly and nudge my face into his palm, so his touch applies more pressure, longing for him like a never-ending craving, yearning for the extras that his hints usually lead to. ¡°Very philosophical for you baby.¡± Jake smiles and strokes my hair back from my face. ¡°Maybe you¡¯re right, karma has a way ofing around to bite you in the ass. God knows I¡¯ve felt that set of teeth in thest few months.¡± He shifts us closer with a hand around me and in one swift maneuver I¡¯m suddenly pressed right up against him, hard body to my soft curves. Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org. ¡°Hmm, you must¡¯ve repented sessfully seeing as you¡¯re living a very charmed life; everything working in your favor nowadays.¡± I giggle when his hands slides down below my waist trying to push my thighs apart with a sexy naughty glint in his eye. ¡°Charmed is only one of the many ways to describe it.¡± He slides his knee between my legs, maneuvering them apart, a wicked glean in his eyes taking over. ¡°Right. I guess we¡¯re done talking about serious issues and now you¡¯re angling for sex?¡± I giggle but don¡¯t resist, my body fully heated and ready for some meaningful energetic action. ¡°Pretty much ¡­ I¡¯m a man with needs, neonata.¡± He leans in to devour my neck with tiny nibbles. I giggle and squeal as his hands turn yful and he tickles me, pulling me into him. My happy carefree Jake let loose. ¡°Jake!¡± I protest, but that encourages him to flip me onto my back, covering me in one swift move. ¡°You¡¯re amazing baby. Beautiful, sexy, smart and so unbelievably perfect.¡± He hovers above me tantalizingly, keeping his mouth from me that¡¯s crying out to be kissed. ¡°I¡¯ll be expecting to hear the same when I¡¯m the size of a whale, or a crazy hormonal mess again like I was in the beginning.¡± I bite on my lip as I devour the way his eyes roam my face as he smirks in that lustful way of his. ¡°You¡¯ll always be sexy and beautiful and perfect to me; a baby just adds to what is so amazing about you.¡± He leans in, kissing me softly, our mouths molding as he slowly brings his body weight down to me. His hands seeking my hair and neck,ing to hold me close, a sign that Jake is going to blow my mind in ways that only he can. * * * ¡°Here.¡± Jake hands me the small cooler bag that Nora packed for me, crammed with food and snacks, since I¡¯m still eating like a starved animal and he only encourages it with a constant food supply. ¡°Thank you, gorgeous.¡± I wink at him and I¡¯m rewarded with a smack on the ass as he walks past me with our cases. I grin at him; still the sexiest man alive, possessing the ability to turn me to mush with one look. ¡°Grab my sunsses,¡± he calls, and I obediently pick them up, my beloved Jake defining symbol, and slide them onto my head, smiling at myself as I do. He doesn¡¯t need them as much when he¡¯s driving now since the weather is getting colder and the sun is disappearing earlier from the sky. But I still carry them around with me whenever I get the chance, holding them close, reminding me of him in so many ways, a constant item in our rtionship of trials and tribtions. He¡¯s driving us to Chicago and I¡¯m in surprisingly high spirits, despite knowing what this journey is for. I¡¯ve felt on top of the world ever since finding out Marissa never slept with Jake and nothing can ruin my buzz. That high feeling and rxed smile ingrained on me and Jake is in the same amazingly good mood. Our ck cloud is gone. When he told everyone about Marissa there were some mixed reactions; anger and outrage and even tears from Sylvana, shocked that Marissa could be that maniptive, but for the most part everyone sighed with relief. Even Giovanni seemed pleased in his own little way, since he promptly sent over to our apartment a bottle of champagne and some fruit punch, tied together in a blue and pink ribbon. Jake glowered at them and left them on the counter. I don¡¯t know what he imagines the symbolic value of the gift is, but I doubt it¡¯s the same one I interpreted it to be. To me, the gift from Giovanni symbolizes his congrattions to us on the removal of Marissa, and the building of a family between me and Jake. It¡¯s that simple, he¡¯s not so hard to figure out when you realize a good heart beats beneath his cool tightened demeanor. Le told me she and Hunter are off to a remote ind destination for a week, despite still being an emotional enigma, to start putting the past behind them. Daniel is holding in there, treating her tenderly now that she¡¯s not putting up such a fight. She sounds happier, less hostile, and not as angry bitchy, especially with his voice in the background cooing and telling her toe back to bed. It was noon when she called so I take it things are still going well, since they¡¯re still in bed and I can hear him dotingly calling her his ¡°princess¡± in the background. ¡°Baby, are you ready?¡± Jake¡¯s voice echoes through the apartment and I look around for my handbag. This ce is looking decidedly less polished nowadays that Jake¡¯s favorite art and furniture have been sent to the Hamptons already, along with a lot of our personal belongings. We¡¯ve decided when we come home from Chicago, we¡¯re going straight up to follow our personal effects up there, then Jake is having this ce redecorated and revamped as his pad to stay in when hees over for work. He ns minor changes to the roomyouts, making this apartment child friendly and moving our bedroom down to the hall with the guestrooms, bringing us closer to the nursery he wants to put there. Chapter 252 Chapter 252 Nora is staying here as a housemaid since Jake¡¯s going to be here at least once a week and Mathews is training the new security to be positioned here since we¡¯ll be taking him to the new house; their choice of course, always so loyal to Jake. Jefferson will be keeping on driving Jake around when he¡¯s here and Mathews will be spending time chauffeuring and protecting me in the Hamptons, as well as training the new security staff at the house. Jake has kept on the previous owner¡¯s house staff and once we¡¯re moved in, they¡¯re alling back to work as they did before. Jake has this all effortlessly organized and everything smoothly in ce. I admit the thought of cooks and cleaners and chauffeurs is no longer something I balk at; a life looking after my child without the stress that most mothers endure sounds like heaven to me. I know how lucky I am not to have to worry about mundane house tasks or troubles with money. I am finally epting it all, seeing it as a perk of loving the most amazing man in the world; another gift he¡¯s effortlessly giving me in this fairy-tale life. I¡¯ll have the Carrero family nearby to support me, including Sylvana and her amazing cooking skills; Sophie, and Le when shees home to visit. Giovanni in his own little way. Daniel ¡­ and Arrick when he¡¯s around too. All people as important to me as Jake, infiltrated into my life. Not to mention all the staff bending to help me at every beck and call. This move is the best way to start a new life with the perfect man of my dreams. I finally convinced myself daily that this isn¡¯t a dream I¡¯ll one day wake up from. The one person I¡¯ll miss more than most when I leave is Sarah, but she¡¯s promised to head our way at least once a month for God-motherly visits and girly catch ups, so I¡¯m sure everything will work out perfectly. Jake appears at the door and visually scans me. Hees over and smooths his hands down me appreciatively, my little bump barely on show, yet somehow the dress draws attention to it because of the way the high waistline kicks out as it reaches the top of my bump. ¡°You changed your mind?¡± He rubs his nose against mine, affectionally, and I shake my head. ¡°No, just thinking about how much I¡¯ll miss this ce when we leave.¡± I look around the open sitting room and stark modern d¨¦cor, realizing that it¡¯s everything Jake used to be the epitome of bachelor pad. Jake looks around and shrugs. ¡°I guess. Been here a while, bambino.¡± He pulls me into his arms, turning me to spoon him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and rests his head on mine as he looks at the four walls around us. ¡°If these walls could talk.¡± that dirtyugh pulls a frown from me and I elbow him in the stomach; my green-eyed monster peeking through. ¡°They would only say that I¡¯ve had some seriously amazing sex with one feisty little PA.¡± He quickly replies and chuckles when I shove him again. There¡¯s no way I¡¯m letting him ruin my beautiful moment of reflection and sentiment with his prissy wild ways and past seductions of other women. ¡°That¡¯s all they need to say.¡± I warn with a half-smile, bursting into full-on giggles when he spins me around under his arm, nting a big sloppy kiss on me. ¡°That¡¯s all that matters, sexy.¡± He smacks my butt again and pulls me with him, tugging me yfully. ¡°Come on this is a long ass painful drive so we¡¯d better get going.¡± I follow and grin widely at his sexy ass and broad set of shoulders. * * * The drive to Chicago is long but pleasant, between listening to the radio and talking about everything and nothing, Jake has me giggling for more than half of the journey. It¡¯s like a huge heavy darkness has lifted from us and we¡¯re back to being who we used to be when I was his very close friend and Personal Assistant. Although, back then, we didn¡¯t stop the car a million times to fumble in the back seat and get half naked like we have on this trip. ¡°You¡¯re getting too good at that, baby.¡± Jake winks at me and zips up his pants with a smug look on his face. I surprised him with a false nap in hisp with a naughty twist, something I¡¯ve been bravely improving on, returning the pleasure that he so freely gives me ¡­ many times over. I know it had to be good when he groaned out loud and pulled into the firsty-by he saw. Jake, the master of control, unraveled in under three minutes. I am feeling decidedly pleased at myself because of how quickly I brought him topletion with some masterful oral. ¡°Well you¡¯re driving me back to the windy city, so you deserved a little reward.¡± He sits back in his seat and stretches his legs before starting the car. ¡°I¡¯m going to miss these high levels of horny when tadpolees.¡± He twists in his seat to check his blind spot before pulling us back into traffic and my body heats up at his muscr frame and strong neck. He has a profile that makes me drool, and watching him drive has me fluttering, in panty- combusting heat. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s all pregnancy hormones.¡± I fluttershes at him, as he turns to me, eyes running wide over my face with one of his amazing swoony smirks. I¡¯m sure the high levels of horny I¡¯ve been having are from theplete package of one Mr. Jake Carrero. Hmmm. Swoon. His hotness, muscr perfection, all round sexy voice and charm should be illegal. He has no idea of the effect he has on the hearts of the female poption. Yes, he¡¯s good-looking and I know he used to use that trait many times to his advantage, but it¡¯s his caring nature and beautiful heart that wins me over time and time again. ¡°Bambino keep looking at me like that and we¡¯ll never get to Chicago. You make me want to find a motel, fast.¡± He winks at me as his eyes roam my face, it makes me wonder exactly how much ogling I¡¯ve been doing. I giggle and exhale slowly. ¡°I shall try to contain myself until we get there; you need to stop looking so sexy. It¡¯s ruining my calm.¡± I moan as his fingers trail up my thigh lightly to under the hem of my dress, sliding into my inner thigh so my body is instantly delirious with the tingles he ignites. ¡°Wee to my world, miele, it¡¯s called pay back.¡± His lust-filled gaze is distracting, and I¡¯m surprised that he¡¯s hard so quickly for me; given the reason we stopped the car a few minutes ago. I push his hand away as it gets seductively higher and shove his shoulder. ¡°Eyes on the road, Carrero,st thing we need is a prang in your stupidly expensive car because your mind is between my legs.¡± I pull my knees together in a bid to calm my devouring need. He is right though, if we keep this up, we¡¯re never going to get to Chicago. The conclusion to the Marissa debacle has sent our hormones on the crazy up and uptely. Not that it wasn¡¯t already, but still. ¡°Our stupidly expensive car! My mind is eternally between your thighs, it¡¯s all I think about, whether you¡¯re beside me or not.¡± He winks my way and it increases the heat in my lower pelvis more so, making me squirm. ¡°I was serious about getting you on the road.¡± Jake flickers a look at me, both hands on the wheel, as an eye roll takes me over, instantly calming my fire. He¡¯s been on me to learn to drive so I can be more independent when we move to the Hamptons, but he¡¯s handing me a chauffeur so I don¡¯t see the point, plus the thought of managing New York traffic terrifies me. ¡°For a guy obsessed with being overprotective; it¡¯s pretty contradictory of you to want me to drive.¡± I poke a finger into his cute boy dimple on his face and he catches my finger, kissing it before releasing me. ¡°I¡¯m protective, baby ¡­ not archaic. I do actually want a wife that has her own independence, a career and something more than just me and babies.¡± He throws me a sympathetic look then concentrates on the mirror and windscreen systematically as he maneuvers us into ane. ¡°You surprise me, Mr. Carrero. I figured being the overbearing man you sometimes can be that you¡¯d be happy for me toze around being served and kept.¡± I watch as his handsome profile picks up with a beaming smile. ¡°I would be happy with that if it made you happy, but I know it won¡¯t.¡± He answers diplomatically and we both know if I chose to be a kept woman, he would have absolutely no problem with it. ¡°No, I suppose it won¡¯t.¡± I sigh, rxing into my seat a little snuggly. I have no idea how long we¡¯ve been driving; it feels longer because of the constant stopping and naughtiness on the journey so far. I stretch out and run a hand over my stomach absent-mindedly, a mannerism bing second nature. ¡°My mom is pulling a few strings for you, gathering info on ideas and directions you may be interested in. She thinks you could start by maybe seeing a counselor yourself ¡­ and talking through the past?¡± He tenses as the wordse out a little delicately. I know he¡¯s waiting for my overreaction or possibly just an angry reply and I watch him go from rxed and cocky to unsure and nervous and my heart swells. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. This suggestion met an icy and angry reply when he mentioned it while we were stood on the hills of the ind overlooking his father¡¯s boat, right before he stormed off for a week. But the past is in the past and I¡¯ve already moved on from everything else. Maybe now is the time to try to shake it all for good. ¡°It might be an idea, seeing as I can¡¯t exactly encourage kids to talk if I haven¡¯t had the guts to do it myself.¡± I shrug when he nces my way, seemingly surprised then relief sweeps his face. ¡°I mean if Daniel of all people can handle therapy ¡­¡± I smile with a raised eyebrow, waiting for his reaction. ¡°You never cease to amaze me you know? I never would¡¯ve imagined this conversation going this way a year ago,¡± His handes to my leg with an affectionate squeeze. He looks overjoyed with pride and his smile is infectious. ¡°Yeah? Well I never imagined, even a month ago, that we¡¯d being back here, or that I¡¯d want to see her alone and tell her what I need to say either but ¡­ things change.¡± I sigh, trying to push it out of my head. The pit in my stomach of going to see her is starting to weigh heavily as the air around us stirs up unwee memories. ¡°You sure you don¡¯t want me toe with you?¡± He¡¯s watching me with wary eyes. He¡¯s been trying to convince me not to do this alone, afraid she¡¯ll hurt me as much as she did thest time we were here, but this time is different. I¡¯m not going to give her the ability to keep hurting me. Coming here is a test of that since I¡¯m not sure she even has that power over me anymore. My mind, emotions, outlook, and whole life are very different to what they were thest time I saw her. ¡°I¡¯m sure, Jake. Drop me at the door ande back for me, but I need to do this alone. I need to see her alone.¡± It started with my mother and me, so it¡¯ll end the same way. I owe her that much. I want to show a modicum of respect despite her never having the decency to show me any. ¡°You should¡¯ve told her we wereing.¡± He¡¯s ncing in his mirrors and I realize it¡¯s because we¡¯re cutting off, signs for Chicago are looming over us and a dreaded weight settles in my stomach with a sickening lurch; my nerves jangling inside me. ¡°No, it¡¯s better this way; surprising her means she hasn¡¯t time to prepare or dress things up. I¡¯ll catch her off guard.¡± I tap my leg with my fingertips and start to bring my hand up to y with my hair, as the tension of familiar surroundings sweeps over me. Jake, instinctively, ces his hand over mine, bringing it back down to myp, grounding me effortlessly. ¡°I¡¯m crazy about you, just remember that ¡­ no matter what she says.¡± He smiles warmly, indicating for a turn off, eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. I can¡¯t help but start chewing my lip as insides churn despite his assurances. ¡°I know, trust me, it¡¯s different now. I¡¯m different. It won¡¯t be likest time, Jake. I know what I want to say and why I¡¯vee.¡± I sound surer than I am, I know I¡¯ll find the strength to do this. ¡°I¡¯d be lying if I said I won¡¯t be pacing like crazy while you¡¯re with her and you know, bambino ¡­ one call, and I¡¯ll be there for you.¡± The seriousness in his eyes warms me and helps ease the tightening despair growing up inside my body. ¡°I know, I love you I just need to do this and get it over and done with.¡± Chapter 253 Chapter 253 Gazing up at the crappy brown building that houses ¡°The Haven¡± homeless shelter, an internal wave of anxiety builds up inside of me, like an all-consuming ck hole, now that I¡¯m faced with old memories. Jake is standing behind me with hands on my shoulders, a kiss on my neck brings me back to the present. ¡°Call me and I¡¯lle, okay?¡± His voice is a reminder that I can do this, I can be strong enough because of him. ¡°I know. Now leave, before I change my mind about going to the hotel first.¡± I giggle as his hand skims my ass; he¡¯s a tempting distraction to what I know I need to do. ¡°If I¡¯d known you were this torn about it, I would¡¯ve applied a little more pressure.¡± He smirks wickedly, letting his hand trail lower under my dress. Iugh and shove him off yfully with my butt, which only serves to cheer him on because he pushes his hand further between my legs and I fight the scalding surge of heat it causes. For the love of God. Stay focused. ¡°Go! There¡¯s plenty of time for thatter, a lot of that.¡± I smile as he holds up hands in defeat. ¡°I¡¯m holding you to that, baby.¡± He smacks my ass and turns back to the car, winking and waving as he slides in effortlessly. I stand watching him and sigh, a chaos of emotions churning up at the loss of his touch. He waits by the sidewalk until I swallow down the inner dread; when it passes, I turn with a wave and head inside. Jake won¡¯t wander far, probably a nearby caf¨¦ or something within walking distance so he can get back to me in a hurry. Knowing he¡¯s close helps, knowing I can call him, and he¡¯ll be right here gives me strength. It gives me the peace that I desperately need. The man is too much for my heart to handle sometimes but I wouldn¡¯t have him any other way. I swallow down everything building up inside of me and push through the doors into the main foyer of the building; it¡¯s a lot nicer than thest time I stepped in here, and I remember my mother talking about refurbishments to this ce thest time I saw her. It¡¯s airy and light but cozy and weing. I spot the familiar receptionist, ire, even after all these years she looks the same, but surprised to see me and beams at my entrance. ¡°Hello, Emma! Well look at you! God, you look really great. The vision of happiness with that glowing face of yours, and your hair is adorable.¡± I smile warmly, myposure slipping when faced with people from my past. The urge to lift my chin and force out those cold mannerisms and icy tone is almost overwhelming me, but I don¡¯t. That instantpulsion died a while back, in the glory of Jake¡¯s presence and I won¡¯t slide into an old habit just to deal with my difort around this poor woman. ¡°Hey. Thank you. I was wondering if my mother was here, if I could maybe go surprise her?¡± I take her in with a genuine smile hiding my inner waves of fear. My palms are already mming up and I can¡¯t ignore the faster thumping of my heart now I¡¯m in here. ¡°You¡¯re in luck. She¡¯s in her office today doing the ounts, she¡¯ll be alone too I imagine; holed up with her head in the books.¡± She pats my shoulder gently and smiles ¡°Just go on up. She¡¯ll be so happy to see you.¡± Doubtful. I smile gratefully at her before I head toward the staircase at the far-right corner, thanking ire as I go, by-passing a couple of undesirable looking teens loitering nearby, eyeing me up. Wonderful. I swerve around a little elderly woman, with a huge sense of sadness for her as she drags carrier bags behind her, containing all her worldly possessions. I skip up the steps, two at a time in a bid to get this over and done with before I lose my courage, then turn a corner toe face-to-face with the old familiar corridor leading to her office. The same pale cream walls and red carpet, no refurbishments up here to keep my memories at bay. Her pine office door is chipped and scraped, but her name is executively etched onto a brass sign screwed to the outside, looking so out of ce against the old entrance. I stand outside, fixing my hair, smoothing down my pink sundress and take a deep calming breath before I steady myself to bring a sense of calm to my demeanor. I picture Jake¡¯s soft caring face and breathe deeply, seeing him clearly, imagining him here beside me with an encouraging hand in mine, a genuine smile lifts at the corners of my mouth. I can do this. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. I don¡¯t knock or hesitate, reaching out I turn the handle and walk in, like it¡¯s the most natural thing in the world for me to do. She¡¯s sat at her desk, sses perched on the end of her nose and face inclined toward the papers she¡¯s looking at. Her tousled wavy hair, the same color as mine, is falling over her face. She looks up, hearing the door creak open and I catch a moment of shock gape across her mouth as it quickly turns into a warm smile, a little wary but still warm and it makes my stomachache. Doubt creeps in and makes this instantly harder. My mother is always capable of signs of affection when she knows it¡¯s appropriate, but even now I can¡¯t decipher whether it¡¯s genuine or not. ¡°Emma?¡± She stands and smiles, rolling a pen between both her hands, elbows bent in front of her. We still for a moment, neither being the type to initiate any sort of touching with the other. ¡°This is a lovely surprise.¡± She gestures pointedly with her pen for me to sit down. ¡°Please, have a seat.¡± Her voice is steady, no hint of anything other than minor surprise at my appearance. ¡°Mother.¡± I swallow hard and move slowly, closing the door behind me to give us some privacy; deciding not to sit down, knowing I won¡¯t be here long enough to get fortable¡¯ ¨C if that¡¯s even the definition of what this situation is. I¡¯m d we¡¯re here and not at the apartment; this is easier, detached, and business-like with a desk separating us and making me feel more capable. This is a ce I rarely visited as a teen so there aren¡¯t many lingering memories or heart-breaking thoughts here to distract me. ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure I¡¯d ever see you back here, after the way you both leftst time ¡­¡± She raises a brow with a hint of attitude, and I bristle. She¡¯s clearly still angry about my behavior and my usations, no doubt irritated that Jake saw that side to her. This is the reaction I¡¯ve been expecting though, no hint of her own wrongdoing just highlighting her disappointment in me and noting my failures ording to her. Again. You know her, Emma, this is what¡¯s she¡¯s like, don¡¯t take the bait. She wants an apology, wants me to admit I behaved badly, like always, and because I¡¯m not ying her game, she¡¯s not giving me anything in return. She¡¯s turned on her cool demeanor and closed-off persona, a sight I¡¯ve seen many times; withdrawing any form of affection, like she always did when I was a child. She¡¯s freezing me out, except this time it¡¯s not because I¡¯ve upset one of her lovers, it¡¯s just because I¡¯m here and she didn¡¯t know I wasing. She can¡¯t pretend with me this way. Right now, she wants to punish me for daring to turn the finger back on her about my childhood. My mother is a narcissistic person, clear to me like a sh of light as I take in her familiar pose and expression, deadpan nkness. ¡°Actually, I¡¯m here to tell you my news.¡± I push down the chaotic feelings threatening to override my courage, a wave of nausea washes over me; tadpole¡¯s instincts at knowing something is wrong with me. I nod toward the chair in front of her desk looking for permission to sit despite already having it. She frowns at me, annoyed because of my ignorance to her request before, yet obliges and nods toward the chair opposite her desk, with an exasperated look on her face. I scold myself at my childish questioning to sit; PA Emma would¡¯ve never sought out her permission. An adult should be able to sit without needing consent, but she has a way of making me feel like a child all over again. ¡°Please.¡± She sits herself back, removing her sses andying her palms on the table across one another. I can¡¯t help but watch her stiff upright posture and careful mannerisms and sigh. Jake is right, I used to behave exactly like her, but I just didn¡¯t see it; every movement, carefully ced, always aware of her grace and gestures, cool and coldly poised. I look down at my hands, casuallyid in myp, and my sagging posture and smile. I¡¯m sitting how Jake would sit, loose and rxed with no thought to how I¡¯m perceived and can¡¯t help but feel his warmth run across me as though he¡¯s here with me; giving me encouragement even in his absence. ¡°Jake asked me to marry him.¡± I smile up at her, shining with inner joy at his face in my mind, thinking back to the night when he asked me to be his forever. God, I love him so much. She sits for a moment and I scrutinize her every expression, a hint of surprise followed by a look of disappointment and then a fake smile is stered on to hide it all. Her fa?ade disrupted, only momentarily, and then she¡¯s back in full control. Why am I not surprised that she doesn¡¯t want me to be happy? She never has. She doesn¡¯t care if it¡¯s not something for her benefit. ¡°Congrattions. I¡¯m assuming the wedding will be in New York?¡± She can¡¯t look me in the eye but there¡¯s a new tone to her voice, a slight edge and for the first time I click to what it is. I¡¯ve been completely oblivious before today, but now there¡¯s a bright shining magnifying light forced over the top of her for me to peer through. She¡¯s jealous!! She is jealous of her own freaking child finding happiness. Her own child finding love. What kind of mother is that?! ¡°There¡¯s more.¡± I sit up straighter, old anger inside me rising at her response to her only child getting married; Inner-Teen-Emma making a grand appearance; the girl pushed down repeatedly by the woman before her. She hasn¡¯t even asked me if he makes me happy, or how much I love him. She has never acknowledged my rtionship with him before, so it¡¯s no surprise that she wouldn¡¯t now. ¡°Let me guess ¡­ You¡¯ve quit work to live the life of a billionaire¡¯s trophy wife? I¡¯m so proud.¡± She stares at me nkly and I start stiffening. She isn¡¯t good at hiding her envy now since we¡¯re really getting into it, forgetting herself and her outward demeanor because we have no audience. Hence needing to do this alone, for this persona right here. The woman who used to tower over me in passive emptiness when her boyfriend was upset or when one left because of me. Breathe, don¡¯t let her get to you. Chapter 254 Chapter 254 ¡°No, actually I¡¯m currently looking toward a new career. One more fulfilling in which I can help children who have been abused; like I was.¡± I lift my chin proudly, meeting her eye ready to take on her response in a non-emotional way. I am at peace with how I am going to handle this. Her eyes ze over, and her eyebrow rises as she sighs, acting as though ¡®little girl Emma¡¯ is at it again, being over-dramatic, making herself out to be the poor defenseless, innocent child. She is no mother of mine. I can see it now. I¡¯ll never call her my mom again; she¡¯s never been deserving of the title. In the short time Sylvana has known me she¡¯s been more of a mom to me than Jocelyn ever was. She¡¯s pondering over how to respond, no doubt bringing memories of ourst meeting fresh to her mind, afraid that raging and violent Emma may strop out again. That tiny trigger of annoyance builds higher at her silent pause. Hold your temper, Emma, she¡¯s not worth this. I swallow it down; just say the words and get it over and done with. ¡°Oh,¡± she finally says, sounding disinterested, no reaction to what I said as though she¡¯s already internally decided to dismiss it. I used to stupidly think my achievements would make her proud, that if I did something worthwhile with my life somehow, she¡¯d love me. I ran to New York to be free of her, but I spent years allowing her in, still trying to please her from afar. Excelling in my work and trying to show her I was worthy. I did expect some sort of reaction about my chosen path or why, but I¡¯m wrong. So very wrong. It¡¯s not me who has to prove my worth anymore, it¡¯s her, and honestly ¡­ She¡¯s not worthy of my love and affection or my time. ¡°We¡¯re having a baby.¡± I state tly, not expecting the same type of response that Jake and I received from Sylvana. ¡°You¡¯re going to be a grandmother.¡± I add rather pointedly, to make a statement; to get everything out that I want her to know. I¡¯ve lost all will for being here since this is going exactly how I should¡¯ve known it would. She is too emotionally exhausting, and I don¡¯t need to stay and take it anymore. A wave of love sweeps over me when I say it out loud, noticing the way my smilees out despite my irritation at her. It spreads across my face without any help from me; tadpole bringing me a sense of serenity from within. My hand instantly moves to cover my stomach gently, feeling its presence here with me gives me so much more strength. I focus on this tiny joy of my life and gain strength I need to finish this, letting it flood through me. ¡°I see.¡± She nces at me and then back at her desk and my smile fades. Has she never felt the love for me that I now have for Tadpole? Is it something she¡¯s ever possessed for me? ¡°Is that all you have to say to me?¡± I ask dejectedly, suddenly tired, the anger that was bubbling seems to have given up on me and I find myself sighing instead. I can¡¯t do this with her anymore. I don¡¯t have the emotional energy to keep going through this scenario, repeatedly. How many times have I built myself up for something, anything from her and alwayse face-to-face with this reality? This deting reality ¡­ This nothingness. ¡°Well, a baby isn¡¯t something I ever thought you wanted. You¡¯ve never been very maternal or shown any interest in children. It¡¯s no pic being a mother, Emma, I hope you know what you¡¯re letting yourself in for.¡± Her tone, one of seriousness, edged with ice. I blink at her in dumbfounded silence, my heart aching, ¡°Is it because of the baby that he proposed?¡± She asks as an afterthought with a smug expression. ¡°You never wanted me did you, Jocelyn?¡± I blurt out, more as a realization than an usation and she at least has the decency to let herposure falter, especially at my use of her first name. I don¡¯t feel anything about it now that I see it, not a single drop of pain over the fact that she never wanted motherhood or the clinging arms of a child. All those years of keeping me at arms-length, no affection, no warmth, and no protection, alling together in clear rity atst. ¡°I didn¡¯t not want you, Emma, I just didn¡¯t n on ever having a baby. I just wasn¡¯t suited for motherhood, but I made the most of it.¡± There¡¯s no apology in her tone at all, no trying to soothe my feelings or deliver an answer in a gentle way, but there never has been. She looks down at her desk moving a couple of files, avoiding my gaze. There are so many things I could say, so many usations I could throw at her, but they evade me. Instead there¡¯s nothing but pity and a little sadness, all the fight and will to somehow make her see the way she¡¯s scarred my life is gone. I have nothing, no inner need to do this and no fight left to push this anymore. I realize, with a vague sadness, that I don¡¯t care anymore. I sigh and sit up, looking at her fully, willing eye contact. ¡°You¡¯re broken, Jocelyn. There¡¯s something inside of you that doesn¡¯t work and maybe never did. I¡¯m sure there¡¯s a reason that you¡¯re built this way; a reason to why you¡¯re drawn to men that hurt you. Maybe some of your past is so bad, like mine, you¡¯ll never be able to tell me or maybe you don¡¯t have the capability to be a mother of any kind ¡­ But I¡¯m done.¡± I shake my head sadly, aware that she isn¡¯t responding to me in any way. I stand slowly, my heart aching but no longer ripping in two, a pain that is bearable and will fade in time. She watches me with herrge wide eyes and says nothing, no emotion, no protest; just looks at me ¡­ emptily. The same way she always used to, yet this time it doesn¡¯t feel the same way.This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°You¡¯re not capable of being what I need, and I¡¯ve spent enough of my life trying to get you to just love me. That¡¯s not a child¡¯s job ¡­ That should¡¯ve never been my burden. Maybe you do love me, in your own way, but it¡¯s not enough. I want my child to know love the way it¡¯s supposed to be, and I could never inflict your sort of indifference, and inability to nurture, on my baby.¡± I move my chair back gathering myposure. ¡°I¡¯m walking away Jocelyn. I¡¯m saying goodbye to the pain that you¡¯ve always inflicted on my heart and the way you always made me feel like everything bad that happened in my life was my fault. Jake showed me how wrong that was.¡± I give her a moment to do or say anything, but I already know it won¡¯t happen. She is sitting still and straight with that icy wall up and a nk expression on her face. ¡°I love you, you¡¯ll always be in my heart, but I don¡¯t need or want you in my life anymore. I want this between us to end right here. So, if you have anything to say to me then, do it now.¡± I feel braver, my trembling hands and the aching pain inside of me are a sign that I care, that I always cared, and I can ept that. Because I do know how to love, and nurture and protect, and I¡¯m never going to let myself be ashamed of knowing how. I am worthy of having a heart and giving a piece of it to those I love, but she doesn¡¯t deserve my love anymore. She doesn¡¯t deserve me in her life and the fact she hasn¡¯t asked about my wedding or even congratted me on the baby says it all. I was never her focus in life, never any part of her world where it mattered. ¡°I hope you¡¯ll be very happy in your new life.¡± Her emotionless cold words seal her fate. Even if she knew any kind of warmth, she would¡¯ve never allowed herself to show it. No emotion, no tears, and no attempt to try to change my mind. Her and my father are alike in so many ways, they used what they could from me until I was of no value anymore and then left me to find my way on my own; at least he¡¯d been more honest about it. I was always the one to care for her, protect her and love her unconditionally; even before I was old enough to understand what she was taking from me. I gave my childhood away to please a woman who gave me nothing in return. ¡°I know I will be ¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± I turn to leave before I cry, because I know I¡¯m going to and that¡¯s okay too. I¡¯ll grieve for a mother I never had; and I¡¯ll make a space in my heart for a mother already working her way around it, epting the woman I am without any expectations. Mamma Carrero will give me what I¡¯ve always yearned for and I¡¯ll give her a grandchild that I know she will smother in real love. The only one losing anything is Jocelyn Anderson and she doesn¡¯t even care. ¡°I hope you find happiness, Mom. I hope you find your Jake because God knows you need him, just as much as I did. Everything that happened, everything I endured, none of it was my fault. I know it, without a shadow of a doubt, but I don¡¯t need you to acknowledge it anymore, because I see it for myself and I ept it. I own my past because it brought me here to him¡­. I forgive you.¡± I smile sadly, the wave of tears rolling down my cheeks. She swallows hard, a tiny break in her wall, a flicker of something as she watches me, but it¡¯s only a small drop of raw emotion in an ocean full of false affection. It¡¯s the only reaction I¡¯ll ever see. But it¡¯s not enough and it¡¯s far beyond toote now. ¡°Goodbye.¡± I whisper, letting the tears fall, letting it hurt because this is what I need to do to let her go. I turn and leave and don¡¯t look back. I don¡¯t stop and I don¡¯t feel regret. And she doesn¡¯t stop me. My heart aches and I know I¡¯ll probably grieve for her at some point, maybe sooner thanter but I need to do this for me, for my own happiness and my future with Jake. I need to do this for a child who will look to me to learn what love really is and I am doing this to make sure they¡¯ll never know anything but real devotion, and a real mother who would die for them. A family who will shelter and protect them every step of the way. I¡¯m lighter, walking down the stairs to the main hall, like a part of me has sprung wings and flown away. I feel like I¡¯ve let something go, despite the tears streaming down my face and the ache in my heart. ire raises her head, acknowledging my return to the foyer at the bottom of the stairs, with a confused look at my emotional demeanor. ¡°Hi again, Emma,¡± ire nches, concern etched on her face. There¡¯s no reason to exin anything to her, she wouldn¡¯t understand it anyway. I¡¯m not the only one my mother puts false walls up against; pretending everything is okay when really it isn¡¯t. I look at her and smile weakly. ¡°Pregnancy hormones¡± I reply with a light smile, gently grazing the top of my small bump, highlighted by the sundress I decided to wear today. ire¡¯s face suddenly beams with happiness. ¡°Oh! Congrattions Emma!!¡± She swivels off her chair around her desk andes to give me a small hug; I reciprocate. She¡¯s not my mother and having little tadpole seems to soften my heart long enough to let ire embrace me. ¡°I thought there was a certain look about you!¡± She smiles, pulling out of the hug to look at me. ¡°You look absolutely radiant. Motherhood obviously agrees with you already.¡± I can¡¯t help but smile. She has more joy for my announcement than my own blood. ¡°Thank you, ire.¡± She goes to sit back down but turns to face me as I head toward the door and my freedom from this ce and my mother. ¡°We¡¯ll see you soon then, Emma!¡± She calls out. I gaze back at her nkly, not daring to correct her assumption, and wave. ¡°Goodbye, ire.¡± I smile faintly. Chapter 255 Chapter 255 I push the door open with one hand and pull out my phone with a heavy sigh, slowly inhaling as I inhale fresh air. I¡¯m okay, I really am okay. I text Jake, asking him where he is, letting him know I¡¯lle to him. I need the air and the walk. I need the time to myself to let all that happened in that room sink in. I want to walk to him smiling, to show him that I¡¯m so much stronger than I ever have been before. She never fought for me, she never told me she loved me, but then she never did. I¡¯m not the one who is broken or unlovable, she is. Yes, I am scarred, but I¡¯m healing, and I¡¯ve finally found my way into arms I know will always be waiting for me. Jake is watching me over a mug of coffee in the small caf¨¦. My tears have finally stopped. I¡¯m not heartbroken, just resigned and letting go of all that pent-up emotion; part of me is relieved. There really are no other words for it. His eyes never leave mine and his arms are aching to hold me, but he knows I just need a moment to let my body, emotionally, mentally, and physically, settle. I want to get through this without any outside help, it¡¯s just something I need to do. He listens, intently, as I repeat every word from my encounter, holding my hand and letting me cry. He has wiped my tears and been the rock he always is. My Jake, grounding me, always understanding what I need. ¡°You don¡¯t want her at the wedding at all? No visits when the babyes?¡± He¡¯s watching me closely, trying to understand my decision, wanting to affirm what and who I want in our future. I shake my head. ¡°No, as far as I¡¯m concerned both my parents are dead. I have my family and its surname is Carrero.¡± I link my fingers through his on the table and tug his hand closer to me, wanting him nearer now that I feel stronger. He lifts our linked hands up to his face, running my thumb across his jaw tenderly, always so caring, and there whenever I need him. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°You¡¯ll be a Carrero soon, bambino. You¡¯re the daughter my mamma has always wanted. She told me.¡± Jake¡¯s fingerse to rest on my bottom lip as I smile at him and he smiles back. His adoring eyes locking on mine, mesmerizing me with their green beauty. I hope our child will have Jake¡¯s green eyes, the kind that draw you in and steals your soul with love,passion, and kindness like his. ¡°I love your family, even Giovanni.¡± I giggle to see Jake frowning at me, a look of ¡®really?¡¯ running across his face. He shakes his head as though I¡¯ve seriously lost the plot. ¡°My father is ¡­plicated.¡± He sighs, looking out across the small caf¨¦, still no closer to seeing his father in any other light than the man who hurt his mother. ¡°Of course, because I know nothing aboutplicated parents.¡± I roll my eyes and giggle again when he tugs my chin forward leaning over to kiss me across the table. The gentle brushing of his lips quells anysting hints of sadness inside me. He sits back down but doesn¡¯t let me go. ¡°I know he¡¯s the strong silent type who thinks it¡¯s weak to show so many goddamn emotions, but he really is allergic to any sort of affection.¡± Jake frowns harder, a mild irritation passing over his sexy mouth. He doesn¡¯t like talking about Giovanni in any way, if anyone has any allergy then it¡¯s Jake and the topic of discussing his rtionship with his father. ¡°I¡¯m sure your mother disagrees; she was definitely manhandling him under the table ten minutes before you proposed.¡± I let out a stifledugh at the mortified gaping expression startled across Jake¡¯s beautiful face. He looks torn between being physically sick or hurting someone. ¡°No, she wasn¡¯t!¡± He shakes his head, frowning and grimacing to remove the image from his mind, then lets me go so he can use both hands to scrub his face. ¡°I don¡¯t even want to know.¡± His voice is ridiculously cute. He sounds like a childpletely traumatized at catching his parents canoodling. ¡°More of your daddy in you than you care to admit, Mr. Carrero. Your mamma and papa are obviously still very young when ites to their libido.¡± I smirk at him wickedly, trying to contain theughter in my throat at his obvious difort, and then jump when I see that mischievous grining my way. He rounds the table for me and I high tail it out the door. He is a little terrifying. We¡¯ve already paid so he catches up to me quickly in the street, swinging me into his arms. ¡°I¡¯m taking you back to our hotel to wash that mouth out and apply some discipline for saying really disgusting things.¡± He¡¯s smiling but I think I may have scarred him for life. He still has a rather pale hue and an unamused expression on his face. I hope to God he never actually witnesses any of his parents¡¯ shenanigans first-hand or Jake will need to join me and Daniel in therapy; that would be cozy. ¡°What kind of discipline?¡± I lift an eyebrow, snuggling in closer, arms snaking around his neck and pressing myself close. This could be interesting. Jake¡¯s kinky side has been toned down since our reunion but here¡¯s hoping it makes a grandeback. ¡°Depends on how frisky you get between here and there ¡­ I could be persuaded to tie you down or maybe work you into some seriously aggressive angry sex.¡± The lust fueled promise in those eyes has me squirming against him, unable to contain the way they light my insides on fire. Promises of lingering memories have me all out panting. ¡°Or both ¡­ you¡¯ve never angry fucked me while I¡¯ve been tied up.¡± I grin naughtily as he turns from serious to boyish chuckling; his brow lifting in surprise. ¡°I¡¯m seriously starting to worry about what I¡¯ve done to you, miele. What happened to my sweet na?ve little ice maiden? When did you start calling it fucking?¡± He kisses me on the nose adorably but I¡¯m not going to be swayed. I start kissing him seductively and sucking in his bottom lip with a bite. ¡°Keep doing that and I¡¯ll fuck you right here in any fashion you want.¡± Jake growls at me and my inner core selfbusts. I can¡¯t deny an invitation like that ¡­ and move in for a steamier kiss, wrapping myself around him tighter and higher. I don¡¯t care who is walking around us, or that we¡¯re standing in the middle of a busy street. He has always taken my pain away, knowing instantly what I need to help ground me, and right now I can¡¯t imagine anything I want more than a crazy angry release and a lot of kinky fun with him to forget about her and everything thating here symbolized. ¡°Lucky I parked the car so close.¡± Jake growls again against my mouth, sliding down to cup my butt and pulls me off my feet. Pinned to his taut body as he strides purposefully towards it carrying me with him, not giving a crap about the heads turning our way. * * * I¡¯m breathless, exhausted, and most definitely satisfied, staring at the hotel ceiling while Jake channel hops on the TV aimlessly. He¡¯s sat up with his back against the headboard and a sheet at his waist, a little flushed and most definitely perspiring, showing signs of a lot of exertion for once. His hair, for the first time ever, looks ruffled because I ran my hands through it crazily when we had crazy sex. It is a good look on him. ¡°Your stamina seems to be failing you, Mr. Carrero.¡± I grin at him, lying t on my back and stretched out in the afterglow of an afternoon of kinkiness. I¡¯m sprawled, luxuriating in how I feel right now. He smirks down at me and tweaks my nose. ¡°I¡¯ve still got it, baby, you¡¯re just catching up to match me, took you long enough.¡± He settles on some loud macho movie and slides back down beside me. ¡°Want to order room service and stay here all night?¡± His fingerse up to trace patterns on my cor bone, softly, as he leans over me on one arm. ¡°I wasn¡¯t aware we had any other ns while in Chicago.¡± I point out, snuggling into him, entangling our limbs under the sheets. ¡°I was thinking that you could give me a tour of where you lived and grew up, but to be honest I don¡¯t want you here. I want you out of this ce and back where you belong. Back in the Hamptons, getting our new house together.¡± He ces a hand on my face, stroking across my cheek, bringing his nose closer to mine so we¡¯re sharing air. Those hazy green eyesing to draw me in like they always do. ¡°I agree.¡± There¡¯s nothing here for me in this city anymore and the n was always to stay one night and leave in the morning when I¡¯d seen her, starting our journey to our new home directly from here. I am closing the door not only on her but also on this city and all its memories. ¡°Food, movies, and more sex ¡­ Sounds like my kind of night, bambino.¡± He kisses me slowly, then pulls back to look at me again. I can¡¯t resist the urge to reach up and tangle my fingers in his hair, tugging it a little so he leans toward me, kissing me at the invitation. ¡°Better make the most of it, soon our nights will be filled with feeding, crying, and ack of sleep.¡± I grin and watch as that filters through his over-sexed Carrero brain. The little flicker of a frown as he contemtes life with a baby. ¡°That¡¯s what grandparents are for, and often.¡± He smirks again, and I can¡¯t be mad at him for that as it¡¯s another thing I¡¯m looking forward to. How loved my child will be in this crazy family of people. Not just Jake¡¯s immediate family, but the extension of people who flock to the Carrero home every couple of weeks; cousins and inws and all the others who live around too. Plus, our extended circle of friends who will adore our little one as though they are blood rtions. ¡°We really are going to be okay, aren¡¯t we?¡± I stroke his face gazing at those beautiful eyes, losing myself in them and daydreaming; bringing Jake¡¯s own words back as a reminder that I should always trust him. ¡°I told you, didn¡¯t I? I would move mountains to make sure of it, you¡¯re my world, this ¡­¡± he cups my stomach, ¡°¡­is my world. I would move heaven and Earth to protect you both. You changed my entire life, Emma, for the better. I don¡¯t think you realize how much you¡¯ve given me.¡± The seriousness in his look and the way he¡¯s lingering over my abdomen sends a sweet ache into my soul and my voice catches in my throat. Chapter 256 Chapter 256 ¡°I haven¡¯t given you anything but me, and you''ve given me all of this.¡± I wave my arms around at the five-star hotel room, the ring on my finger and then run a hand down my stomach, finding his hand there and I entangle our fingers. ¡°You gave me the fairy tale, the perfect sexy man, the crazy opulent lifestyle and the happy ever after, Jake, all I gave you was some scared girl so afraid to love.¡± Tears fill my eyes. ¡°That is the most amazing gift you can give anyone. Having you is more than all thisbined. You saved me from myself, from an empty life of parties, fame, women, and booze and driving myself into the ground with work. You gave my life meaning and feeling. You gave me a purpose andpletion, Emma. I know it took a while for me to stop and realize that I had it all, but we¡¯re here now and I promise that this is only the beginning, this will only get better. We have so much more to look forward to and this baby will change everything.¡± I¡¯m bowled over with the intensity of Jake¡¯s gaze and every word he¡¯s saying to me. His voice is husky with emotion and I can¡¯t breathe with how much I need him in this moment. ¡°Miele, I didn¡¯t save you, you saved me and yourself in the process, I only showed you the way.¡± Tears prick in my eyes over the way Jake views what we are, but he couldn¡¯t be anymore wrong. He saved me from myself, from emptiness and loneliness and from fear. He has given me the strength I pretended I always had, unlocking the doors to let me deal with my past. He gave me love in so many ways and in return it enabled me to love myself and heal. He truly is my world, and in this room, I have everything that I could ever need or hope for. ¡°I love you so much, so very much. I never want to hide or run or lose you again. I swear I¡¯ll always try my hardest to tell you everything that I¡¯m thinking and feeling, to never shut you out or make you think I don¡¯t need you. I can¡¯t breathe without you.¡± I sigh tearfully, and Jake¡¯s eyes mist up too, holding me close. My words tumbling out in a way that I can¡¯t control, and I can¡¯t help but smile about it. I think back to PA Emma, she would have been verbally frozen, unable to say a word, but here I am, letting every single thought in my head pour out uncensored for him. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to marry you, to have you as my wife ¡­ I want you. I want the world to know you¡¯re mine and see how proud I am of you. I worship the ground you walk on, Emma, you¡¯re my everything.¡± Jake kisses me hard, passion spiking between us. I can¡¯t say anymore, my throat full of tears, bursting with intense emotion, my heart is cracking under the pressure of so much love. I wrap myself around him greedily, holding tight andmitting this moment to memory. This moment is too precious for sex or more talking, so we hold each other tenderly, stroking hands and kissing; erotic but in a slow and sensual way, heightening our feelings for one another. ¡°Home sweet home.¡± Jake walks past me through the open doorway, carrying the cases into our new multi-bedroom two story Hamptons mansion, excitement bubbling over me. There are sheets and tools everywhere, amid the chaos and noise of power tools, sawing and a lot of banging, there are workmen wandering around doing seemingly important jobs. ¡°I thought they were decorating? Sounds like construction.¡± I point out, with a raised eyebrow, looking to Jake suspiciously. ¡°I kinda okayed some minor changes in various ces.¡± Jake smirks at me and my eyebrow raises higher. He doesn¡¯t even try to feign guilt over his admission. ¡°What happened to the agreement that I would choose the d¨¦cor? And oversee any refurb!¡± I narrow my eyes as he ducks under a low hanging cable to avoid my scrutiny and I catch a tell-tale mischievous grin pasted on his face. He is shameless. ¡°Baby ¡­ Bambino, I was never going to be easy to live with. I don¡¯t get why you¡¯re so surprised.¡± He walks off fast with a backward wink and I shake my head after him, a little exasperated. No, I wouldn¡¯t expect anything else. This is who he is, and for the most part I like this side of my Cocky Carrero. Two workmen wander past and I catch them looking me over, eyes skimming my legs as they carry a large sheet of wood; leering at me and passing smirks to one another in quiet agreement. I lift my chin defiantly and re right back. ¡°I suggest you keep your eyes on your work or you¡¯ll be finding them scanning the ssifieds for another job,¡± I snap, and both men immediately look away, moving off quickly, acting sheepish. There is no way I am putting up with wandering, sleazy eyes in my own goddamn home. I have realized, through Jake, that men do not have the right to objectify me anymore. ¡°Saved me the job of doing that.¡± I¡¯m hit with Jake¡¯s low growl and realize he¡¯s leaning in the doorway watching me. His hand sexily on the jam above his head, stretching out his sculpted torso, a hint of skin peeking from under his lifted shirt and smirking at me with those sexy devouring eyes. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s about time I started doing it for myself.¡± I point out and smile as I slowly cross the marble hall and slide into his waiting arms; nuzzling my face into a chest that screams of home. ¡°I might allow that asionally, not every time though. I get a kick out of growling for a fight and iming what¡¯s mine.¡± He buries his face in my neck and kisses it slowly, teasing me into submission. The noise all around uspletely kills the mood. ¡°Maybe we should take a tour and see what has been done.¡± I look to the ceiling as he slides me loose, taking my hand and leading the way across to the marble stairs, equally curious to get an eyeful of our new home. ¡°Our bedroom should be done and our en suite ¡­ Lounge and kitchen were on the list ofpleted rooms too, so all of this is everything else. I¡¯ve been told that they¡¯ll only be here 9-5 until it¡¯s done and not weekends.¡± He points out and I¡¯m d to know this invasion of sweaty men and decorators will be gone soon. I don¡¯t relish the thought of being stuck here with a bunch of men I neither know nor trust. ¡°What are you having redone that needs all these carpenters and ¡­ Is that a crowbar?¡± I ask, shocked to see therge metal pole lying dangerously mid-way up the stairs. Jake scoops down and picks it up with an angry frown to his handsome face, hanging it on the banister to the side. ¡°Those idiots need to be more damned careful; you could have fallen over that! ¡­ I¡¯m having a couple of the extra rooms switched from bedrooms to something we¡¯ll have more use for; and the library and office knocked out into one space for us to have a ce to work together.¡± He¡¯s still ring at the metal bar hanging between the rails as he guides me past a pile of sawdust on the next step. The workmen are carelessly untidy, something that really bothers me. If they¡¯re going to be here from 9-5 for five days of the week, in my home, they could have the decency to sweep up every now and again. Or at least move a goddamn crowbar so I don¡¯t fall over it! ¡°So ¡­ Exactly how long do we have to endure all this mess and noise for?¡± I squint at the men below, walking around carrying what looks like a granite worktop into a small side room. Tell me again, why we moved in so quickly? ¡°It looks worse than it is, this crew should be done by Friday, neonata. The house mostly needs paint and paper and our choice of a shit load of furniture, these are all temporary contractors.¡± Jake waves a hand across the milling workers and continues leading me slowly and carefully up the minefield of the stairs. One hand on my back and the other holding my hand in front of me as though I¡¯m elderly and fragile. He sometimes makes me feel like both when he¡¯s in protector mode. ¡°Mr. Carrero, Miss. Anderson!¡± The gushing friendly voice of Monica Briggs, the interior designer, comes at us from the top of the stairs and she starts floating toward us in a puff of Chanel number five and a red shift dress. I choke as she gets close, trying to ignore the cheek kissing thing she does to Jake, leaving nasty rouge lip tar across his chiseled cheek bone, whorishly marking my man yet air kissing me from a distance. Hmmmmm. I reach up and immediately start wiping her mark off his face with my thumb and throw a rather snippy re in her direction. Only bitch marking him will be me! She seems un-phased by it and I resist the urge to elbow Jake when I catch that half smirk on the corner of his mouth as he watches me having a little green-eyed moment; amused by my possessiveness over him. Yeah, Mr. Carrero, you think that¡¯s funny? I know you wouldn¡¯t like it if some guy was giving me marks all over my face!Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°Miss. Briggs, we¡¯re finally home and eager to see what¡¯s been done.¡± Jake¡¯s in charming mode, all Carrero suave and sultry voiced with his smile reserved for clients and shoulder rubbing rich folks. ¡°You must let me show you then.¡± She gushes, leaning down to slide her arm through his but I step up beside him quickly, so she¡¯s met with my rather close cleavage; at least she has the decorum to look mildly ufortable. She smiles tightly and moves back awkwardly, a small rise of red creeping up her neck. Yeah, I¡¯m the woman of this house ¡­ Back off. Jake slides an arm around my shoulder, swooping in to kiss my temple in a show of adoration. His way of telling her to move away, so fluently she probably doesn¡¯t realize it. He¡¯s doing what needs to be done to get her to understand he¡¯s not interested. It must work as she seems to have remembered her ce and smiles, stepping back further to let us continue, gesturing up the stairs towards a lot more noise, raising an eyebrow at Jake. I let him lead the way, pulling me along at a casual pace. Upstairs, the sound is far worse than the mess and I can see, despite the tools and sheets all over, a lot has been done. The long, wide hall has stic covering the thick carpet and an array of glossy white doors stand open to let light fill the area from each room. It¡¯s like a corridor of doors. She leads us across the walkway, dodging plugs, and wires, to our master bedroom which is close to the start of the mainnding and I¡¯m met with the vision we created on design boards and high-tech computer software. My breath catching, dreamily, at the vision of perfection before us. The reality much more breath-taking than the view from aputer screen. Neutrals, softness, and a cozyrge leather bed with a million cushions artfully ced in the center of a huge suede covered wall. Plush carpeting in a soft mink, fur rugs, and a chaise longue at the bed stead with a lot of beautiful furniture and seating dotted around. It¡¯s aplete haven, a room fit for reading in, lying around, and rxing in, or long romantic nights of passion by candlelight. I can already envisionzy Sunday mornings with Jake in this room, wandering around half dressed or even just nakedly christening every surface I can see. Chapter 257 Chapter 257 The view up here of the sea, beyond therge wide windows facing us, is perfection. ¡°It¡¯s gorgeous.¡± I breathe, letting go of his hand to walk forward and trail my fingers over a furry throw on the back of a beautiful armchair in the softest camel colored fabric. Immersing myself in the peaceful serenity of this room and catch my breath as I spot arge, traditional, dark wood crib nestled in a nook by the en suite door near the bed. Jake has obviously chosen this. It looks like it belongs there, perfectly suited to the old meets new style and cozy features of the room; the wood matches our bedframe. I turn and smile at him with damp eyes and a lump in my heart. His returning smile telling me he knows what I¡¯ve spotted; a special moment passing between us that Miss. Briggs. ispletely oblivious to. ¡°What do you think, Mr. Carrero?¡± Monica is almost kissing at him with her pouty voice, but I¡¯m too absorbed in the vision around us and the emotion of that little addition. ¡°If Emma loves it then that¡¯s all that matters. I love anything she¡¯s picked out.¡± I smile without looking around, knowing he¡¯s trying to shut down Miss. Briggs in all her flirting fury. He¡¯s equally irritated by her amorous attention. A while ago he admitted to me that the female adoration, he receives is tiresome and annoying; even more so since meeting me. ¡°Oh ¡­ you have no opinion?¡± She sounds disappointed at hisck of interest in her pet project, she probably thought that with this being his room the work she¡¯s done would somehow mean more to him. She¡¯s obviously forgotten that as a man, Jake has an extremeck of interest in soft furnishings, especially when there is an equalck of high-tech gadgetry in the room. She seems to be nking my existence. Stupid hoe. ¡°Well ¡­ Honestly? There¡¯s a bed and a lot of ces to prop up my sexy as sin fianc¨¦e so yeah, I love it.¡± I snigger at the smirk in his voice from behind me and can visualize the one shoulder shrug he¡¯s probably giving her. I snort and cover my mouth to hold back the giggle trying to escape, warmed by his hand running up my back softly as hees to me, brushing around the back of my neck lightly, cing a kiss on the back of my head. Monica seems to be at a loss for words and I can¡¯t help but side eye him with an indulgent grin; complete adoration and tingles for my ¡®reason to live¡¯ standing beside me, but I shake my head at him sighing. Mr. Carrero, when will you ever behave? But I love you for it. ¡°If you¡¯d like to see the alterations to the games room and the home cinema you asked for?¡± She cuts in, a tad frostily. I roll my eyes, some things will never change with Jake, including his love of all things manly and of course his Xbox room for when Danieles to y. Do men ever really grow up? ¡°We can look aroundter when you all leave for the day, we¡¯re going to unpack and get acquainted with this room first.¡± Jake turns and throws her his best panty-dropping heartthrob smile. I know without looking she¡¯s probably swooning and close to fanning herself. I jump when he grabs my ass, possessively and dramatically, in full view of her line of vision. ¡°Need to christen the bed after all.¡± He adds cheekily with a wink. I guarantee her face has turned fuchsia. I sigh and continue staring out of the window, knowing full well he¡¯s having more fun shocking the poor woman, than is necessary, purely making a point at her expense. When she retreats amid a fumbling flurry of words and shuts the door all too quickly, he turns back to me to catch my impatiently arched brow. ¡°Remind me again why we hired her?¡± I stare at him pointedly. I am sure there are probably a million other men who could¡¯ve easily done the job with less of the eye raping of my fianc¨¦e. ¡°Because she was avable for an immediate start and she has a great reputation.¡± He slides his arms around my shoulders and props his chin on my head, joining me in looking out of the window. ¡°So, Friday you say?¡± I sigh, the noise of loud hammering and screeching cutting through the tranquility of the room, irritating me immensely. This is hardly the homing to a new life I¡¯d imagined when driving here. ¡°Well ¡­ she promised on the phone. No more construction after Friday just a lot of decorating and moving men to deal with instead.¡± He kisses me in the nape of my neck and runs his fingertips across my corbone sending tingles in every direction. ¡°Great, just what we need.¡± I sigh heavily, trying to push out the overwhelming urge to turn and molest him, currently running through my bones. ¡°The old PA Emma is going to love bossing around all those sweaty men and Miss. Briggs. and you know it. You were always an intimidating force in full PA mode.¡± His mouth has decided to linger on my throat and the warm waves of longing are bing distracting. I suppose I can¡¯t argue with that, overseeing, organizing, and making things perfect is what I excelled at when working at Carrero Corp. I¡¯m sure this is going be far more enjoyable than anything I organized when I worked there. ¡°I suppose. If I can¡¯t stand it, we could always stay next door.¡± I beam at him when I say it; having the Carrero home less than 200 meters away is making me stupidly happy, and the only thing taking over my rising hormone levels. ¡°We could, bambino.¡± He smiles as he lets me go and wanders toward the inner door of the room, near to where we¡¯re standing and opens it. He reaches inside and flicks on a bright light in the en suite. His eyes scanning the inner room with a look of delight. ¡°Oooh,¡± I say out loud when I spot the shining coffee-colored sparkling floor from the doorway and venture closer. The bathroom is in matching neutrals with the biggest jacuzzi I have ever seen and so many shiny, chrome taps and knobs that I ampletely clueless as to what they are for. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°I know what we¡¯re doing for the next hour.¡± Jake winks and yanks me into the bathroom with him, a mischievous twinkle in his eye finding no protests from me. Wandering around, getting my bearings long after the men have packed up and gone for the day helps this feel less like a dream. The tools are tidied away in piles against the hall walls, the masses of dust brushed to one side and all that remains is the stic protecting the floor and the canvas sheets covering delicate pieces of furniture from Jake¡¯s apartment. The aura of moving in settling around me, making me grin in excitement. Jake is busy exploring the rooms and checking for things he wants altered, being his usual commanding self while I wander this beautiful house, absorbing the feel of it, realizing that this is going to be our home from now on. It¡¯s helping me; making me feel less like a guest in an expensive show house. It¡¯s big enough that if Jake and I should ever need space we could wander in two different directions with no hope of seeing one another. The house is eerily empty and silent, the staff are still away until all construction work ispleted. For now, Mathews is living in the pool house while his self-contained annex is decorated, ready for the arrival of his wife. Jefferson is being allocated to the city for when Jake flies back for business and his cars moved here so he doesn¡¯t require a driver. However, Mathews will happily still chauffeur Jake around when I don¡¯t need him. The n is to sleep here, in our new room, and oversee the decorating, picking out furnishings and furniture with Monica. We can eat and escape to Sylvana¡¯s when we need to, but we need our own space to start this new chapter of our lives. The freedom to rx and have intimacy when we feel like it, without prying eyes. ¡°Emma?¡± Jake¡¯s voice echoes down to me from the top of the stairs, making me smile. There¡¯s something extremely homely and domestic about his voice calling through this house looking for me, sexy and husky as always. ¡°Down here.¡± I call back, padding into the kitchen to admire my shiny new appliances. I¡¯m surprised to find a full ready to use kitchen, stocked cupboards, and bursting refrigerator. Sylvana¡¯s trademark Tupperware in the huge double steel doors and shelves; allbeled with heating instructions, she has thought of everything. Jake strolls in, looking seductive in sweats and a T-shirt and I¡¯m still in an over fluffy bathrobe from swimming around that huge tub with him. He immediately heads to the coffee machine that looks like the one from his apartment; but this one is chrome instead of ck. This added touch to the kitchen must be one of his choices; the coffee maker clearly having a small ce in his heart. ¡°Mamma says she has a bunch of info sheets for you from her counselor friend and some insight on how to be one.¡± He smiles over at me while preparing the machine, all sexy shoulders and tensing biceps,pletely distracting. ¡°We should go over in the morning.¡± I yawn, trying to drag my gaze off his beautiful body. We arrived late in the afternoon and the ¡®unclean¡¯ soap fun took considerably longer than an hour. Tadpole and I need food and sleep, in that order. This baby is ruining me, I am such a tired lightweight these days. ¡°Yeah, I told her it would be tomorrow.¡± He nces at me and I nod gratefully, the soft look he¡¯s giving me is making me feel content; he knows I need some rest, just from looking at me. Jake is running things with Carrero Corp. in his own way; a trip once a week back to the city until he¡¯s happy Margo and her new staff arepetent enough to take over, then he¡¯s nning on fortnightly trips to check up on things until after the baby is here. The idea of having weeks of blissful home making with Jake while waiting on our little tadpole is my idea of heaven. I thought we¡¯d never get to this point. The baby¡¯s nursery is one of our first projects to tackle together, now we¡¯re here. ¡°I just want to get things sorted and settle in properly,¡± I beam. ¡°It feels like this is thest hurdle before life can actually start.¡± I run a hand over my stomach affectionately; a small bump starting to firm up and extend slightly, another sign bringing the reality of this back to me. ¡°It will be, soon enough, bambino, if I have to pay them triple time to haul ass, I will. I want nothing more than to start feeling at home here with you.¡± Jake slides a mug under the machine, catching the hot liquid as it pours out. ¡°Home.¡± I sigh, gazing around the wide modern kitchen with a touch of emotion, that¡¯s what this ce is; a home to start a family in. To fill with memories; where I belong with him, a new chapter, and a fresh start to forget everything from before. ¡°Home is anywhere you are.¡± He suddenly nuzzles into me from behind and nudges his groin over my backside suggestively. ¡°You¡¯re still as insatiable as ever.¡± I giggle, his handsing around to slide inside my robe, in true smooth Casanova fashion, his mug discarded at the machine. ¡°Do you me me? You¡¯re still as fuckable as ever.¡± His hand is heading south on a mission, thanking my inner stars for myck of underwear, as he kisses my neck and moves in for the kill. His hands skimming my nakedness and yanking the robe open, so he can ess me undeterred. Moving around to my front and into me, he slides his arms around my waist underneath the fabric of the robe, delicious skin on skin movement, lifting me up onto the kitchen counter in an easy maneuver. His mouthing to mine, teasing me into erotica as his hands skim my naked upper body. Jake moves his groin firmly between my legs, his tongue sliding into my mouth, catching the back of my head in his palm so he can pull me into his kiss. I have zero capability to stop things heating up while in this verypromising position. Chapter 258 Chapter 258 I groan as he pulls back, sucking my bottom lip, moving in to kissing me passionately, his hand smoothing down my naked abdomen, meeting the apex of my thighs with a wee moan. His phone vibrates across the countertop beside me, making me jump and giggle as he pulls back slightly with a lusty expression to retrieve it. He curses under his breath and throws me a naughty half- smile. ¡°Saved by the bell.¡± He growls, his voice low and sexy. He still has his hand between my legs cupping my warmth gently while he retrieves his phone and sticks it to his ear. ¡°Jake Carrero, speaking.¡± He leans in and kisses me again slowly, that tongue dipping into mine mercilessly despite the phone almost poking me in the face. ¡°Uhuh.¡± He props up his phone with one shoulder and returns to running his other hand over my exposed breast, leaning in to trace his tongue up my neck and send a thousand tingles through me. He obviously doesn¡¯t care that he¡¯s mid-conversation with someone. ¡°Thursday?¡± He sighs, looking at me with a flicker of annoyance crossing his face, his hand between my thighs is extracted as he takes his phone and swaps ears, a look of agitation on his boyish face. ¡®Business Carrero¡¯ moving in to kill his libido, something must be wrong at work disappointment washes over me. ¡°Fuck¡¯s sake, Margo! Can¡¯t they do a fricken thing without me standing over the top of them shouting fucking orders.¡± He lets me go fully, stalking toward the huge wall of french doors and res outside. His body rigid but divine as hell and tense as he pushes a hand to his waist, fisting it there in agitation; lookingpletely intimidating, like a diator about to embark on a war. I guess things with work aren¡¯t rosy today, he has a fewrge developments he¡¯s overseeing so his stress levels have been up and down. ¡°One night ¡­ We kept the apartment ¡­ Yeah arrange to have my flight there Thursday and home Friday morning first thing. Jefferson is still in Manhattan, so he can pick me up at the airfield.¡± He almost barks the orders at her and for a moment I¡¯m relieved that this is no longer our rtionship. As much as I loved working with him and love him in general, I don¡¯t think I could tolerate the bossy ass he can be where work is rted ever again. ¡°Sure, I¡¯ll see you then ¡­ I will, Margo, thanks.¡± Jake hangs up and sighs in irritation, sliding his phone onto the counter beside me where I¡¯m still perched with legs dangling freely, my robe pulled back together. ¡°Problems?¡± I enquire gently, sliding my robe sash across and tying it in a knot. He frowns and walks over tugging it out of my hands so the robe gapes open, pulling the sashpletely free, tossing it over his shoulder onto the floor with a childish look on his face. Oh boy. ¡°Same shitty headaches; a contracts oversight needs signing off and dys on the building we purchased for another sportsplex. I need to fly out for a night baby. I¡¯m sorry to leave you here, but you still can¡¯t fly, and this needs to be sorted quickly.¡± He leans in kissing me on the cheek tenderly, bringing his body firmly between my legs and that undeniable warmth of his. It feels like home. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll be fine, your mother is next door and Mathews is here on guard duty. I can wander around daydreaming about color charts and throw cushions.¡± I wrinkle my nose at him, receiving his sexy smile as a reward, making my smile wider. ¡°Get used to domestic bliss, bambino, there¡¯s going to be a lot of that as soon as we get this ce Emma worthy.¡± He kisses me softly on the forehead. ¡°Emma worthy?¡± I giggle at him and run a hand across his gorgeously rough jawline. ¡°Don¡¯t you care how our house turns out?¡± ¡°If you two are in it then nope; happiest guy alive and easy to keep content.¡± His hands find my abdomen, his fingers running gently across my sensitive skin and round my hips slowly. ¡°You¡¯re impossible.¡± My skin tingles under his expert touch. ¡°Sexy too.¡± He winks at me. ¡°Hmmm, big headed with too much of an ego, more like.¡± I retort with a yful push on the hard expanse of taut chest before me. ¡°I earned the ego because I know I¡¯m sexy as hell baby and your sweet ass knows it.¡± He links his arms around my waist underneath the robe, tugging me forward, so we¡¯re almost connected at the groin. Ah, so he¡¯s back in Casanova mode and being his delightful cocky self again. ¡°What will I ever do with you.¡± I gaze adoringly at his face, my arms sliding about his neck that feels so strong and very edible. ¡°Go with it ¡­ Margo says hi by the way.¡± He mumbles as he finds his way back to my throat by tracing his tongue across my cor bone. It takes all my willpower not to let my head drop back and sag beneath Jake¡¯s roaming hands, instant submission to his touch, like always. ¡°Mm.¡± I close to my eyes to the sensation and it¡¯s all I can say to respond, my inner self getting hot at his attention and tingles erupt within my entire body. His phone vibrates harshly, for the second time across the countertop, and I groan this time in irritation. ¡°For the love of fucking God.¡± He lifts an irate face and grabs the phone looking at the screen before putting it to his ear; scowling at me as though somehow, it¡¯s my fault. I mock scowl back and giggle when he tweaks my nose. ¡°Hunter this better be fucking good I was in the middle of something.¡± He snaps down the phone, a devilish look and wolfish smile appear on his face as Hunter correctly pinpoints what kind of busy. ¡°Yeah I was ¡­ Why aren¡¯t you doing the same thing and leaving me alone?¡± Jake isn¡¯t snapping anymore he just sounds boorish and tantrummy; both normal Carrero traits so I rx, knowing this is probably a social call. ¡°Okay, mate, calm down and breathe.¡± Jake¡¯s eyes soften and once again he lets me go. This time I¡¯m quick to slide down for my sash and tie up my robe, I love being essible but being nakedly on show while he walks around the kitchen talking to Daniel isn¡¯t really my idea offortable. The expression on his face is making me more concerned than horny right now, he no longer looks chilled; Jake sighs and eye rolls at me, making me break into a smile. Whatever it is can¡¯t be that bad if Jake is implying that Daniel is a drama queen. ¡°Look if you¡¯re reacting like this then maybe you should hold off for now. Get your head around it first?¡± Jake pauses to listen then moves the phone away for a second. ¡°Daniel wants to ask Le to move in with him when they get home but he¡¯s having a panic attack in the bathroom of their hotel over it.¡± He lifts his eyebrows inplete deadpan seriousness, not even bothering to cover the mouthpiece when passing on the details. ¡°Poor, Daniel.¡± I sympathize and watch Jake¡¯s face intently. ¡°It¡¯s not a heart attack, it¡¯s a panic attack, stop being a fucking girl.¡± Jake has his bossy unamused face on and his male ¡®no sympathy no-nonsense tone¡¯ced in his voice. I shake my head at him and walk forward, stealing the phone from his ear gently, sometimes bull in a china shopes to mind with Jake and his sensitivity toward Hunter¡¯s romantic problems. ¡°You¡¯re unbelievably hostile for a guy who is usually all love hearts and roses with me.¡± I slide the phone to my ear with a raised brow and school mistress look. ¡°Daniel, it¡¯s Emma.¡± I at least sound friendly and I hope a lot more sympathetic to the poor guy¡¯s current situation. Jake grabs my ass hard and breathes into my neck as he steals a kiss. I quell the urge to yelp. ¡°Men don¡¯t do ¡®roses and hearts¡¯ chats with each other, baby.¡± He moves off smoothly and I throw another indulgent look his way. He finally walks to the coffee machine and takes a sip of the coffee he left there. ¡°Emma. I ¡­ can¡¯t ¡­ fucking ¡­ breathe.¡± Daniel is panting and gasping. He sounds like he¡¯s in serious distress. My heart immediately goes out to him. He sounds nothing like the yboy master of control he normally is. ¡°You don¡¯t need to do this right now you know? It¡¯s early days and she won¡¯t be expecting it, so stop pressuring yourself.¡± I suggest, hoping to at least get his breathing back to normal. ¡°I ¡­ love ¡­ her.¡± He pants, and I cringe at his efforts to gain control of his breathless fear. I know what that crushing panic feels like. I¡¯ve had many panic attacks in my past. ¡°She loves you too, but it doesn¡¯t mean you need to follow Jake¡¯s example and push her at a hundred and fifty miles per hour.¡± I raise an eyebrow at Jake, and he narrows his eyes right back with a scowl. When I jokingly remark about the speed in which he maneuvered our rtionship it always ignites a bristling face from him; he hates being criticized, but it makes me giggle at him. ¡°Hey!¡± He pouts at me and I blow him a kiss. ¡°I ¡­ I ¡­ can¡¯t ¡­ lose ¡­ her.¡± Daniel seems to get a little hold on himself for a moment. ¡°I .. need .. her. She ... needs . me to show her ¡­ I¡¯m serious about us. I can¡¯t think of how¡­ else to do it ¡­¡± As though a little self-rity has distracted him from his crippling tight chest as he seems to regain some verbal control. ¡°You can only do what feels right.¡± I soothe, wandering away from Jake toward the fridge, turning my back on him; my eternal hunger pushing my feet to scope out the munchies. ¡°What if she says no?¡± He gasps, his breathing still shallow and his voice hoarse but he seems to be normalizing. He¡¯s talking more freely now. ¡°Then it means neither of you are ready and that¡¯s all; it doesn¡¯t mean she doesn¡¯t love you to death or doesn¡¯t want a future with you.¡± I can¡¯t help but turn and look at Jake over my shoulder with a sarcastic smile, but he just frowns back at me, knowingly. ¡°Yeah, yeah. Point made.¡± Jake shakes his head at me and jumps off the counter, back to the coffee machine to fiddle with the knobs, obviously unimpressed with the coffee it produced first time. I shake my head at him and sigh at his beautiful body. ¡°Are you mooning over Jake right now?¡± Daniel asks rather pointedly, with a haughty tone, despite distracting Hunter to an almost even breath and I reply, guiltily. ¡°No ¡­ Well, maybe.¡± I blush at being caught and Daniel lets out a long slow exhale. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°I want this, I¡¯m just terrified.¡± He sounds so young and vulnerable. It reminds me of the lost looking boy who sat on our couch when Le broke up with him; the boy who is slowly bing a friend to me ¡­ of some sorts. Who ever thought that would happen? Chapter 259 Chapter 259 ¡°Then tell yourself that she loves you. Remind yourself of why you¡¯re asking her.¡± I croon softly, aware Jake¡¯s messing with the damn coffee machine, making it lookplicated as hell to work, a frowning and confused look zing over his face. I think it¡¯s more impatience than anything. ¡°I want her ¡­ every day, every night ¡­ I want to be able to call her and be like hey, babe, I¡¯ll see you at home.¡± Daniel sighs heavily. ¡°Fuck, I sound as soft as Jake right now.¡± At least he¡¯s calmed down now, and he hasn¡¯t noticed that his attack is over; talking about Le is calming him without him even realizing it. ¡°Yep you kinda do, he¡¯s a sucker for love too.¡± I smile at Jake¡¯s wide strong back and flutter myshes as he nces over at me; all manly attempts at nonchnce disappearing. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°Should I be concerned about you two on the phone?¡± Jake res at me with his I¡¯m starting to get jealous tone. I stick my tongue out at him. ¡°Tell Jake he¡¯s an asshole for turning me into this fucking mess with all his talks of the one and happy ever afters.¡± Daniel growls down the phone at the same time as Jake growls at the phone in my hand. Men don¡¯t talk soppy to one another? Right then, Jake. I sigh with exasperation at being caught between two pig headed males. ¡°Jake you¡¯ve ruined Daniel¡¯s life by pointing out he loves Le,¡± I say drolly, eye rolling again. Daniel is a drama queen. ¡°Stop dicking about, man the fuck-up and just propose, Danny. It¡¯s obviously heading that way.¡± Jake says loudly for Daniel¡¯s benefit and there¡¯s a sharp inhale of breath and sudden silence on the other end of the cell. ¡°I think you just caused him to have a cardiac arrest, Jake¡± I look at him deadpan hearing the smallest whimpering of hesitation from Daniel. ¡°Oh, never mind. I hear signs of life.¡± I smile wickedly, and Jake continues to glower my way. He¡¯s still not in control of that little green-eyed monster growing inside of him, but he¡¯s obviously trying to rationalize how stupid he¡¯s being. ¡°You think that¡¯s what she expects so soon?¡± The fear in Hunter¡¯s voice is back with a vengeance and my heart melts. ¡°Honestly ¡­ No. Le knows you better than anyone and I think she won¡¯t expect that for a very long time. Stop over thinking this.¡± I smirk at my reflection in the steel refrigerator door, at the irony of my sentence. When did I stop doing that? I nce back at Jake and catch the same smirk aimed at me as he thinks the same thing. Yeah, okay, smart ass. ¡°No, no ¡­ You¡¯re right. Le¡¯s fucking amazing and supportive and ¡­ Fuck. Fuck. She won¡¯t want that yet; I don¡¯t want that. Emma, I want that. Why wouldn¡¯t she want that with me?¡± The confused turn around in Daniel¡¯s tone has me almost giggling. Oh God, Daniel is either having some sort of mental breakdown or he¡¯s truly head over heels for that girl and has no control over his own emotions. I catch his heavy breathinging back. ¡°Daniel, just breathe and stop, you¡¯re driving yourself a little crazy. It¡¯s too soon and Le probably does want that in time. Right now, you¡¯re just trying to show the girl she can trust you and have a future with you.¡± I remind him. ¡°She doesn¡¯t need anything like this yet, just you to keep proving you love her, and she can trust you.¡± I sound like Sylvana, imparting soft wisdom in hushed tones. ¡°Trust her, she knows what she¡¯s talking about.¡± Jake cuts in, he¡¯s had enough of his best friend monopolizing me and swipes the cell from me, propping it on his ear with his shoulder. He manhandles me onto the countertop in a very dominant way, walking me backward toward it with a slight thud. ¡°Hunter, man up and stop being a pussy. Ask Le to move in and just get off the fucking phone.¡± Jake isn¡¯t exactly friendly, but he has a tone of warmth in there somewhere. He yanks open my robe and runs a hand down my abdomen; obviously given up trying to be patient. ¡°Go find your girlfriend and fuck her, trust me. I¡¯m sure even you can handle asking her while having sex to take your mind off the fact that you¡¯re an emotional cripple.¡± I grimace at the way Jake handles Hunter, but I can¡¯t really be mad since his hand is expertly moving in ces that have me writhing already. I have a weakness inside me for him that he knows all too well and I¡¯m instantly submissive putty in his hands; no arguments from me. Oh God. I squirm against his delicious hand between my thighs and watch the change in his transparent green eyes, zing over to dark and hazy, his pupils dting. Excitement rushes up over my body at hisck of patience and control. ¡°¡­currently trying to seduce my fianc¨¦e and get you off the goddamn phone ¡­ Good n let me know how you get on ¡­ Just, not anytime soon,¡± Jake smarts in a lust-filled angry tone and hangs up. He goes to continue his advances up my thighs but stops, realizing something, he tosses his phone into the hall with a crashing thud as it breaks into pieces, echoing around the house. I guess phone shopping will be on the list tomorrow. ¡°Jake?!¡± I giggle, but my breath is halted out of me with a sharp tug of my body to his and my robe falls open fully. I go limp with desire and can¡¯t do anything except gape at his mouth as it moves closer. ¡°Any other asshole interrupts this, I¡¯ll rip heads off.¡± He growls and moves in with the look of a killer animal devouring its prey. ¡°Mathews is nearby, and I¡¯ll only be gone until tomorrow baby, and you know Mamma wille check on you if you don¡¯t show face.¡± I¡¯m getting the paternal type lecture from Jake as he gets ready to go to Manhattan. He¡¯s looking sophisticated in a wlessly tailored dark suit and, for once, a tie; one of his clients is sharing his flight to get business out of the way, quickly, mid-air. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can look after myself for a night. I did actually handle some independence before I had you, you know.¡± I smile sarcastically as he frowns at me. ¡°Workmen finish up this afternoon, a day early, so by tonight you¡¯ll be chaos free.¡± He continues, ignoring my jibe. He¡¯s on a roll in bossymander business mode, and I revert to PA Emma to listen patiently while he gets it all out of his brain. I remember one of the first things Margo told me about Jake when I to work for him; she told me he likes information to be repeated back to him, tasks ryed vocally in order of importance. It¡¯s nice to think that even on a sub-conscious level I¡¯m at the top of his list. ¡°Good. I n on a lovely bubble bath, annoyingly soppy movie and an early night in that luxurious bed of ours.¡± I lean up and kiss his cheek. ¡°That sounds a lot better than having to go back to work,¡± he grumbles boyishly. ¡°Jealous?¡± I utter sweetly, leaning in to kiss him goodbye on the mouth this time, always aching to have that intimacy with him. ¡°No, just wishing I was part of your evenings ns, baby. I can¡¯t even Skype call this time because I want to get through everything to get back home tomorrow morning. I¡¯m going to miss you, a lot.¡± He runs a hand down my jaw and ruffles my hair before the obligatory kiss on the forehead and leaves. My goodbye waves are rudely interrupted by the chaos of noise starting for the day in the house, somewhere behind me. I sigh inwardly as the screeching sounds of a power drill and instant hammering over my head start echoing around the emptiness. One more day of workmen and chaos and noise, just one more day. You can cope with that. We¡¯ve been here a few days and spent most of it locked in either our room, the lounge: another perfectly decorated room, or next door. We have avoided most of the hired staff renovating and tried our best to escape from Monica when she tries to repeatedly show Jake around the developments. She just doesn¡¯t seem to take no for an answer, and certainly doesn¡¯t seem to be phased by his pregnant fianc¨¦e hanging on his arm every time they enter the house. I¡¯ve told Jake repeatedly and much to his amusement that I think she¡¯s one of those older women cougars that you hear about, preying on young hot rich men. I need to grin and bear it for today and then they¡¯ll be gone, dragging all their tools and mess and chaos with them out of my way. I want to finally start adding some homely touches to our castle. I wrap my arms around my shoulders and hug myself, unable to stop an internal squeal of happiness. I wander through the rooms toward the kitchen in my robe and catch two men walking from the library to the dining area: carrying boxes. I sigh in agitation and avoid eye contact, instinctively pulling my robe tighter around my body; forfort, more than anything else. At least, for the most part, they keep out of my way. One of them seems to have an eye for me though but it¡¯s nothing I can¡¯t handle. I¡¯ve only noticed it the past day or so, and since they¡¯re leaving today, I can deal with a couple more hours of this crap; if anything, just to prove to Jake that I can. My nausea is running high at the stress of moving into the house and all the upheaval. The constant drilling and banging and heavy sounds drowning out any peace for me means I can¡¯t sleep through the day because of it, so I doubt my little tadpole can. This tidbit brings my annoyance at the workmen boiling up inside me. It tilts my brain off focus with fierce protectiveness. I can¡¯t seem to settle here yet because of it all, that¡¯s why I¡¯ll be d when they leave. Chapter 260 Chapter 260 I swallow it down in agitation and walk to the kitchen, to fix myself something to eat. I¡¯ve found that I have a love of cooking now since I have all the time in the world to leisurely stand around in this beautiful chef¡¯s dream. Sarah would love it. I¡¯m sure she¡¯d be proud of how domesticated I¡¯ve be, knowing my way around a kitchen. I¡¯m liking not having a cook until she returns at the end of the week, it¡¯s somehow enjoyable making meals with love and caring precision for Jake and me to enjoy. Maybe I¡¯ll follow in Sylvana¡¯s footsteps and cook for my own family once or twice a week like she does. Soon the noise of drilling and male chatter andughter annoys me enough to send me to my room for refuge, at least in here I can turn on the TV or run a bath and lock them all out. Therge hall echoes around downstairs and amplifies it to incredibly ridiculous proportions. Somehow so much louder today. The bed still smells of Jake and has retained some of his body heat locked between the sheets, so I go and curl into his side and wrap the nkets around me to drown out the chaos and take a nap. I am exhausted enough to try to get some sleep. I¡¯m too tired to exchange pleasantries with the workman today and even Monica isn¡¯t around for me to roll my eyes at. Thank God. Her overly eager eye fluttering and sexy smiles at Jake every five minutes are slowly bringing out inner violent Emmately. The woman simply has no scruples at all. She reminds me of the bored rich bitches Jake and I would meet at every event; those who hung on him and his every word despite their husbands standing close by. The downside to a popr hot man! This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. The noise is too much, even in here, and I give up. I haul my restless body out of bed and resign myself to getting dressed; every intention of spending today in the sce of Sylvana¡¯s kitchen, hoping for some inner calm and serenity ¡­ if not for me then at least for the baby. If I have the possibility of avoiding thest day of banging and hammering, surrounded by strange men, then I will. I¡¯m uneasy here without Jake so going to see his mamma with her gorgeous weing heart will be afortable break. I swear maxi dresses were made for thefort of pregnant women; in one fell swoop I¡¯m dressed and ready to get on with the day since I am begrudgingly forced out of bed by the invasive chaos. I tap down the stairs of the stairwell and slip my feet into the ballet pumps I have lying by the entrance to the living area. I can¡¯t seem to go anywhere downstairs without ayer of dust settling on my feet; at least after today that should hopefully be over. I pick up my bag and drop my cell into it then head out to leave. ¡°Miss. Anderson?¡± One of the burly men calls to me as I¡¯m walking for the door through the main hall downstairs. ¡°Yes?¡± I turn sharply, Jake normally deals directly with the workmen while Monica and I focus on the d¨¦cor, blissfully ignorant to the construction work going on; that¡¯s Jake¡¯s kind of thing. It¡¯s unusual for them to address me directly. ¡°We should be out of your hair by noon at thetest, ma¡¯am. Just wondering what you¡¯d like us to do with the keys if you¡¯re not back?¡± He regards me with a rxed business-like expression on his face and my insides instantly calm, no danger here. Old Emma always rears up inside of me when I am faced with unexpected, strange men. ¡°Drop them next door if I¡¯m out. I¡¯ll either be there or close by. Sylvana is my mother-inw so that¡¯s fine.¡± I smile gratefully. ¡°Sure thing.¡± He nods at me and lets me on my way, walking out into the warm day and I chew my lip a little. I didn¡¯t know this whole time they¡¯d been gaining ess with their own key. I assumed Mathews or someone at Sylvana¡¯s had been letting them in and out; and it bothers me, a lot. Those random men have keys and ess codes to my house and it¡¯s grating on my inner calm, old Emma showing face and trying like hell to point out the dangers in it, in a rather disturbing way, through visions of what those men could do to me. I¡¯m d to be leaving and more relieved at this being theirst day. I¡¯ll ask Jake to change the locks and the codes when he¡¯s home, that¡¯ll make me feel better. How could he have forgotten to tell me that the contract workers have full ess to the house? Maybe it¡¯s just something that richer people are used to. I sigh inwardly and head to my second home; a huge smile on my face and a rumbling stomach despite having eaten. Sylvana¡¯s cream cannelloni are singing to me across the grassyne, as is a morning curled on the couch with her like yesterday. Cocoa mugs and daytime soaps, chatting our boredom away. This new way of life is starting to agree with me. * * * I leave Sylvana¡¯s not realizing howte in the evening it is, and let myself into the house, the entrance hall is inplete darkness, so I p my hands to switch on the lights. Jake and his gadgets. It¡¯s eerily quiet and peaceful in here, now I can see my hall minus a lot of tools and mess and protective sheeting. I blink around appreciatively and ce my bag on the uncovered side unit and sigh with annoyance when I notice that damn crowbar, from here you can just spot it between the rails. The workman who left it on the stairs in the first ce obviously hadn¡¯t realized that Jake moved it, so here it is still in my house, hanging halfway up my banister where Jake left it. Every other tool in the ce is gone just not that. I suppose given the color of the vertical dark metal railings it¡¯s easy to miss a crowbar hanging dejectedly beside them; simr in color, it would be easy to slip from eye sight at every other angle in the house but this one. I head for the stairs to save my beautiful wooden handrail from the ugly metal bar, but my phone ringing distracts me, drawing me back to the entrance way. Jake has kept in contact a few times today and I spoke to him on my cell at his mamma¡¯s before I came home so it¡¯s probably him; making sure I managed to walk the fifty yards back home without injury or getting lost. I walk to my bag and fish it out, seeing Mathews name sh up on the screen. It¡¯s strange for Mathews to ring me so I instantly inhale like something¡¯s wrong, internally tensing. ¡°Hello?¡± I ask in a friendly tone. ¡°Miss. Anderson, good evening. I¡¯m just calling to inform you that I¡¯m on my way back.¡± Oh, of course. He¡¯s been out collecting some things I ordered from a nearby home d¨¦cor boutique. Sylvana sent him to get them earlier since I was at her house for the day and he was hanging around waiting for something to do. Since Sylvana has security at her house it seemed a waste to not let Mathews out for a few hours. He¡¯s probably only been gone an hour at most anyway. ¡°Okay, that¡¯s me home now so I¡¯ll probably go upstairs and take a bath, you can retire for the night.¡± I smile as I say it, so he¡¯ll get warmth in my tone. Mathews has a fatherly quality to him that is growing on me; he makes me feel safe in the same way Jake does and I¡¯m starting to wonder if that¡¯s why Jake has entrusted me into Mathews care, because he knows that I feel this way about Mathews. So, in a way it¡¯s like Jake is watching over me even in his absence. ¡°Very good, Miss. Anderson. I¡¯ll check the house and lock up before I go to my own quarters. Have a good night.¡± His friendly yet efficient tone is as close to unprofessional as I¡¯ll ever get with him; the man is all business. ¡°Good night,¡± I breathe softly and hang up, remembering suddenly that we never got the keys back. The workmen must¡¯ve forgotten to bring them to Sylvana¡¯s or took them home ready to bring in tomorrow. These contract workers are so ipetent, their inability to follow instructions and keep a clear workspace irritates me. I call Mathews back immediately. ¡°Miss. Anderson is there something else?¡± He sounds very business-like and professional again instantly, never missing a beat. ¡°Yes, Mathews. The workers have finished here but they didn¡¯t leave the keys as instructed.¡± I sigh heavily, irritation creasing at my forehead and I look around overwhelmed at the high-tech door locks and fan dangled things that I haven¡¯t a clue of how to operate. Those keys do everything. ¡°I¡¯ll deal with it, ma¡¯am. I¡¯ll collect them before I return; may I suggest, in the meantime, you can arm the house with the code 101, it¡¯s a temporary rm that can only be bypassed with a code that only Mr. Carrero and I have.¡± Smooth efficiency and no hint of worry; he instantly makes me feel better. ¡°Thank you, yes. I shall do.¡± I smile, knowing how safety conscious Mathews is and the thought of that little bit of extra security makes me feel better; at least I won¡¯t have to mess with the crazy looking boxes on the door I assume are locks. I wander to the digital panel on the inner wall of the entrance and arm the rm, making sure the doors and windows down here are shut securely first, then grab my bag and head upstairs in a much more rxed mood. Chapter 261 Chapter 261 I can¡¯t stop yawningtely, good old pregnancy fatigue has been my worst enemy and I can¡¯t even imagine trying to work like this. All I do is sit around, eat, sleep, or have sex. It really is awful when I think about the person I used to be. I know people often talk of baby-brain, but I didn¡¯t think it affected someone this early. Jake has ruined me for the real world and going back to it will be absolute hell. It¡¯s strange, I never imagined I would ever submit to being some pampered billionaire¡¯s girlfriend ¡­ fianc¨¦e, but Jake is the king of pampering. He really does treat me like his queen. God, I love that man. I know it¡¯s temporary though, once this little bundlees and gets a little older, I have every intention of pursuing a new dream, a new career. I have no reason to live life this way, indefinitely. There is still a huge part of me that wants my own achievements, my own worth proven to myself by myself. I want to leave some worthwhile mark on the world and a legacy for our children. I want to be more than just a billionaire¡¯s wife. I think I owe it to myself. I get upstairs and pad toward our bedroom, pping for the lights up here but they don¡¯te on. I¡¯m stood inplete darkness with little lighting through into the hallway of doors, the moonlight peeking through the bedroom windows of one open door, sshing little slivers of light through but not enough to see much. I kick my shoes off by the top of the stairs and leave them lying there to feel my feet along the ground, trying to find my way while my eyes adjust. I p louder, trying to remember where the sensors are in case, I¡¯m not close enough. ¡°Oh, for fuck¡¯s sake!¡± I snap and p again, but nothing happens. I haven¡¯t got a clue to where the manual switches are up here. I¡¯m standing in the hall between doors to various rooms and no windows in the hall in front of me. It¡¯s too dark up here to try running my hands around the walls and I¡¯m internally cursing these God forsaken workmen. It¡¯s just my luck to finally have the house done and empty for a stupid fault like this to show up. Jake is going to have to call them back here tomorrow to fix the damn things and I¡¯ll have to endure another day of them invading my space. Carefully treading my way across the carpet, my palm runs along the smooth walls slowly until I reach the handle of my door and slide my palm round it to grip it. In the room, I know there are switches by the door and at least fourmps, plus, the huge picture window will be allowing the moon to cast some light and I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll be a lot better than standing in a dark hall. ¡°Don¡¯t fucking breathe.¡± A harsh heavy growlshes into my ear, hot breath assaulting my face and the metallic smell makes me gag as I freeze like a stone cold statue; an armes around my throat at lightning speed and my mouth is covered cruelly, blocking out my ability to squeal. Everything inside of me thuds with a sickening terror and my blood turns to ice in my veins. A rough hand crushes my face painfully, bruising my lips against my teeth. I¡¯m pushed forward against the door with force, my body pinned hard and heavy with a thud so that I don¡¯t have any time to react. The solid weight of a big man crushing against me cruelly and restricting my breathing brings sheer fear and consuming panic through my hazy brain. I¡¯m imprisoned with a dead weight and can¡¯t move a single muscle. My feet nted on the floor are pushed far apart with a kick and the disgusting wide body and legs of a man are forced right against me from toe to head. His erection forced up against my ass, making me still andint with sheer feint fear. I can sense the aggressive violence pulsing in the air around me, crackling like stars in my vision. I can¡¯t breathe, or see, or move but I can smell, all my other senses in utter chaos. My heart thudding hard as my hands w at the wood in front of me, instinctively, looking for anything to grab. But my sense of smell invokes a memory that has my knees trembling and bile lifting from my toes, a cold sweeping wave of panic and realization hitting me hard. I smell him. I know him. I choke on my own terrified tears as it creeps through me. Ray Vanquis is here with me all alone. My body goes into temporary shock from the fear and I can¡¯t move, his rough hands painfully and cruelly grope my breasts from behind as he keeps me pinned against the wall immobile. My mind races back to the deste horror of my teenage assault and the way he exerted power over me in Chicago. My body trembling, involuntarily, and my mind constantly racing to the miracle inside of me and my maternal need to protect it against all odds. This isn¡¯t just about me anymore; I need to find the strength to save my child from what I know ising. He¡¯s going to take what I denied him a few months ago, and back when I was a teenager; payback for Jake for beating him. He is going to ravage my body sexually in ways that will devastate my mind emotionally, but I can¡¯t give in to this. I have to search deep inside myself for safety with my baby and wrap my body around us; lock us both in and let my mind detach. I can¡¯t fight someone like him, I could try but I know he would beat my child from within me and it matters more than the damage he could ever inflict on me. ¡°Remember me, darlin¡¯? I didn¡¯t forget about you, my little whore. You and I have some catching up to do.¡± He snarls against my ear, pushing a hard-erect lump into my ass and roughs up against me, straining through his rough jeans. His rancid breath is heating my face and making my skin crawl in revulsion. My heart pounding through my chest and all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut, trying to will Jake to know I¡¯m not okay, for some sixth sense to make him feel my need for him; mentally calling for help, attempting to keep my body from unraveling at the panic building inside of me. All rational thought is fleeting away, and I know I ampletely and helplessly about to be abused. Ray seeding where previously he failed. I know it¡¯s pointless trying to telepathically call for help. Jake flew to Manhattan, he¡¯s an hour by ne, four hours by car, and not due home until the morning. Mathews is on some goose chase for keys and could be just as long. I am alone, but Ray knows he doesn¡¯t need long to inflictsting damage on my soul. He only needs a few minutes to subdue me, even if Mathews is heading back. This will take me away from Jake, remove my ability to handle a man¡¯s touch, and inevitably take my life from me. I try to flex my body, to get some purchase but the biting grip and heavy pressure copsing me into the door takes my breath away. If I fight against him, he will push down with more aggression and I can¡¯t let him hurt my child. My baby girl! I know it! My little Mia, maybe ¡­ Mommy is going to protect you, my sweetheart. We¡¯ll hang on in here. Just listen to my voice; we¡¯re going to be okay. She is the one thing I must protect no matter what he does to me. ¡°What do you want?¡± My voice is small and shaking as his hand uncovers my mouth while he changes his grip position, my palms are ttened to the cold door in front of me, and I¡¯m trying my hardest to w back some sense of calm to my fevered mind. I¡¯m so terrified I can barely breathe but strength is chanting through my fear addled brain that my baby needs me to stay calm. We¡¯re going to be okay, baby girl. ¡°Your rich prick boyfriend and I have some unfinished business and man, I have been patient, waiting and watching. Did you feel me, Emma? In your house? Watching you from afar? Did you feel me near you and sense the way my cock hardened for you anytime you passed me?¡± The smell of his breath in my face makes my choke, as his dirty mouthes to my cheek. I try to recoil from him, but the biting grip on the back of my neck pushes my face hard against the door. His disgusting slimy tongue makes its way up my cheek and his hot sour breath assaults my senses. I gag as a huge bolt of nausea lifts in my stomach, lurching over and over. I gulp down my tears, fighting back the cold wave of terror. Then it clicks in my brain; he was the man watching me from the shadows, the one whose eyes I could sense on me asionally! The one lingering around that I¡¯d noticed thest couple of days. He¡¯d been here, among the workmen, all along. He¡¯s probably the one they trusted to bring the keys back to me. My gut tried to warn me, tried to tell me that something was off about him, if only I¡¯d voiced something to Jake at the time then Ray would¡¯ve been found out. Jake, I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so sorry. My baby ¡­ our baby. I¡¯m sorry. ¡°If you hurt me, he¡¯ll kill you. He won¡¯t juste after you, Ray. He will fucking kill you, slowly and painfully, and enjoy every fucking second.¡± I snarl between clenched teeth willing myself to sound braver than I feel. I am trying so hard to get my body to draw in some strength to stand stiffly, instead of the mush of Jell-O I am right now. I know I shouldn¡¯t be antagonizing him but the inner fight in me is finding her feet at the thought of those clear green eyes, his sexy natural smile, and our beautiful baby girl. My inner strength urging me to protect them both. Mommy¡¯s got this, okay, baby girl? I¡¯ve got this. ¡°Baby, I want him to know what I do, to see what I¡¯ve done to you. I want to know the agony he¡¯s in when he¡¯s looking for you and knowing I have you and I am fucking every part of you until you bleed.¡± His raspy threat ends with a hard bite on my ear, sting, and warmth oozes instantly down my neck. I scream in pain impulsively, the sound muffled as his fingers bite back at my mouth, crushing me to silence once more. My inner rage kicks out and I try to elbow him, my leg thrusting back in sheer defiant hate, only meeting with defensive blows. The pain, kick-starting that inner teen rage,shing back to fight and to be free, to never be his victim again.Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. Heughs, grabbing the back of my skull and with rming force pulls back my head, smashing me forward into the door with a bone crushing thud to my forehead that draws instant nausea up my throat and blood into my mouth as my teeth pierce into my tongue, my nose collides with the door and heated liquid runs down over my mouth. Chapter 262 Chapter 262 The sensation of darkness hits me before any real pain does, and overwhelming dizziness, as my body buckles in front of him. My bones melt instantly, and I have no idea what is happening to me. He¡¯s knocked me senseless but notpletely out and he slips me over his shoulder limply and effortlessly. I¡¯m fighting with my own consciousness to wake up and failing. There¡¯s a dark haziness over me, I know what is happening, but I have zero ability to do anything about it, my body temporarily paralyzed, my willingness to fight locked inside my head. It feels like I¡¯m dreaming, and all pain and fear has slipped aside. I can hear harsh whimpering mewlsing from somewhere and realize it¡¯s my own voice. My inability to fight back and the fear inside of me blows up to dramatic proportions but I have no strength or courage to do anything. He is carrying me toward the stairs, effortlessly taking me from this house with an aura of satisfaction; my limbs are heavy, and I have a slow tingling sensationing into my fingertips. I¡¯m sure I¡¯m going to throw up, the beginning of retches and jerks of a stomach getting ready to empty itself. I start tingling and aching in my legs as I realize my body ising out of the shock that his assault ced it in. I¡¯m slowly, so very painfully slowly able to move my fingers, fighting the huge weight of my own limbs to lift them. I whimper and reach out, trying weakly to grope at the closest banister to me as we pass, every jolt and nudge is painful in my abdomen as my body bounces on hard shoulders with every step downward. I¡¯m trying to hold on, but my weak fingers slide with no grip, still notpletely responsive. I slump and try to inhale slowly, try to regain strength in my body as the mind fog in my brain starts to clear. My head aches heavily as it begins toe through. His pace is slow and steady, he¡¯s enjoying the build up to taking me from my home, getting a kick out of his dominance. His cruel vindictive game of building my fear, knowing I¡¯m helpless. He nned this, thought about every step and now he¡¯s relishing in every second. His body odor and sweat wakes my senses up, gagging and retching. The undeniably strong stench of a man who is used to physical work andck of hygiene. ¡°I¡¯ve seen how weak pretty boy is over you. I¡¯m going to enjoy sending him the videos of what I¡¯m repeatedly doing to you. I¡¯m going to enjoy this so much more than you are, sweetheart! I have so many inventive ways to fuck you, I just hope you live long enough to really torture him into insanity.¡± He laughs again, almost to himself, hisments more of a smug self-assurance in an evil sadistic way than a confession of his ns for me. It makes me realize how deeply he has been fantasizing about this, thinking it through, every step nned for precision at how to get back at Jake and me; serving punishment on a man he¡¯s no match for and a girl who evaded his demands twice. He¡¯s taking me somewhere ¡­ somewhere he¡¯s prepared with cameras and God knows what else. He intends to rape me, torture me, and probably beat me; violence has always been his turn on, and he wants to inflict pain upon Jake in the most demonic way possible. He¡¯s seen the love Jake has for me and he¡¯s going to use it as a weapon knowing Jake can never physically touch him. He¡¯s a coward and a twisted son of a bitch, a man who can only dominate women that are of no match for him. Fight for God¡¯s sake! Get up and move, Emma! That inner voice ws at me, a wave of fear running through my stomach for me and little tadpole. He¡¯ll kill us both for sure, and if he doesn¡¯t kill me then he¡¯ll kill the innocent life that grows inside me. She would never survive repeated rape and torture and killing my baby will end me too. Even if I survive this, I know I would never survive the loss or the knowledge that I didn¡¯t protect her. I am her mother; I need to protect her always. Emma, you are not your mother. You can and will protect your daughter from Ray. You can do this. Baby girl, sweetheart, Mommy is here. I¡¯m here. A surge of anger, and some deep unearthly protective rage rush from somewhere inside me. My arms straining out as my hands grasp the banisters, desperately trying totch on. My palms sliding on the wooden surface, but I try again and grasp on, gripping hard onto my lifeline, tugging us to a sudden unexpected halt, mid-step. It earns me a massive searing smack across my legs and butt, pain and burning sensations sh across my skin in agonizing pain. I yelp but grab out again, catching further down the banister in the hopes of doing it once more, each time dying him so that maybe Mathews has a chance of getting here in time after all. We¡¯re almost halfway down the huge sweeping staircase, closer to the door and probably a waiting car to take me to never be found alive again. If I let him get me out there, let him take me from this ce then all is hopeless. No one will know where toe and find me. I¡¯ll be his to do with as he pleases, and I can¡¯t let it happen. Jake won¡¯t survive this, it¡¯ll kill him, it will destroy him. The beautiful soul that makes him who is, will be devastated and broken forever. I try to picture him in my mind, to give me strength and courage. His beautiful face and powerful body, that calm demeanor but passionate heart. My body and soul, my reason for breathing; him and our baby. They are my whole world, my life, and my future and no one has the right to take that away from me or to take me away from them. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. I close my eyes tight in determination, and with a slow steadying breath I grab at the smooth wooden rail, resolving to hold on to it with everything that I am. My hand connects with something loose on the smooth surface, it slides and ngs against the railings as I¡¯m tugged onwards in our descent. It¡¯s cold and heavy and my fingers have grasped it before I can really contemte what it is. The lights are off down here, he must¡¯ve killed them before following me upstairs and I can just make out the solid object I¡¯ve caught in my palms, we¡¯re still moving so he mustn¡¯t have noticed it. He¡¯s too engrossed in his thoughts of what he¡¯s going to do to me once he gets me into his car, my eyes dart open in surprise at the sudden weight I¡¯m gripping onto ¡­ What is this ¡­ Long and thin and heavy ¡­ My breath catches in my chest as my scrambled brain makes sense of it, suddenly clicking my thoughts into ce. The crowbar ¡­ The crowbar! I yank it up, harshly, lifting it as high as I can above my head, positioning myself with my abdomen crushing against him, giving me bnce and arching my back and head as high as I can. I stretch my arms to full length and extend the bar upwards for a fully heightened swing. I bring it down with the sheer force of hatred and self-preservation, teen Emma engaging my brain and taking control. Take this fucker! The crowbar connects with the base of his spine instantly with a magnificent self-satisfying crack, a body-vibrating shudder runs through him to me in a sh and suddenly I¡¯m flung backward at his shock of the connection. I am flying in slow motion down the stairs, disconnected from him, and surprisingly fearless. He cries out with a deep throaty gurgling scream of pain echoing around us in the dark space. I hit the stairs sharply at an odd angle and I¡¯m tumbling backward as my ankles turn under me, the stomach-churning crunch and burning pain in my left foot lurches through me. I yelp loudly, gripping onto bar as tight as I can because my life depends on it. I catch it across steps, trying to stop myself from sliding backward down the steps, my butt wedged over the edge and my head pressed to a wall from behind. I¡¯m bncing crazily just below where he is on the stairs and my senses are finally He¡¯s falling toward me in the dull light, brighter down here nearer the white marble hall because of the wide long windows and white reflective flooring. He trips down the steps trying to regain bnce, attempting to catch the banister with one hand while his other is on his back. He¡¯s moaning out loud, grappling and struggling to regain his equilibrium as I shuffle backward to get some purchase on the floor with my butt and legs, trying not to wince at the pain coursing through my body, pushing away the searing agony. I am ready and waiting as soon as he stumbles close enough, sheer fury coursing through me, fear giving me strength; my body numbing out the pain as adrenaline spikes in my blood. I swing hard as I can with both hands grasping the bar at the very base, right at his knee level giving it all that I have left. The crushing, gnawing sound of crunching, snapping and splintering bone echoes out before his scream does and he crumbles over the top of me, like a sack filled with air being deted. His heavy weight crashes down on me, winding me, his big arms and disgusting stale sweat entangle around me in panic and jolt my body down with his. He¡¯s pulling me off bnce, and down thest few steps in a tumble as we roll thest distance in an entangled mass of limbs, grunts, and groans. The sheer smell and feel of him bringing back the nausea in my throat and the realization I am about to throw up ¡­ My stomach is my only concern and my child within. I curl into a ball holding tight with the bar in my arms against my breast; one hand protecting my baby, and fall into darkness with him, at astounding speed. My eyes are closed, willing myself to hold on tight to what is most precious to me. The vision of Jake and our baby in my mind giving me strength to keep going. Our harsh marble floornding is softened by his body at the base of the stairs and wee to a sudden stop. I uncurl around him, realizing I¡¯m on top and can get away if I shuffle backward on my butt. He¡¯s too focused on grappling at the floor, writhing in agony and whimpering pathetically. I¡¯m empowered by the groans and moansing from his hunched-up body and drag myself away from him, turning on my knees with only the thought of getting away, crawling to safety, and getting help. His vice-like gripes out to catch my broken ankle, causing excruciating pain to course through me, resulting in a high-pitched scream. I bite out and catch my breath trying to hold myself together but I¡¯m not stupid. I¡¯m still holding the crowbar, clutching onto it with the fury of a woman unleashed. I know what I must do. I know he will keeping for me, keep pursuing me unless I disable him properly. I bring the bar down with perfect precision and great rity over his skull and the force of a desperate and terrified woman. Chapter 263 Chapter 263 There¡¯s a deafening thud, an echoing and eerie silence as a breath escapes him and then nothing. His body lies motionless, his hand on my ankle drops loose over my injury and I kick it away with my other foot hastily. I¡¯m crouching at an odd angle, still gripping the bar so tightly that my nails have pierced my own palms, breathing so hard it¡¯s painful and making me dizzy. I turn to stare at the bulky form in the dusky light and something inside of me snaps. All fear and flight go out of me and emotionless rity and sense come over me; a dark sense of quiet calming stillness, followed by a moment ofpletely detached pause and I listen to the long slow steady breaths from his almost lifeless body. If I leave him this way to go and get help, he could get away, he could wake up and run or he could catch me before I get anywhere. He will never stoping for me if I always run from him. I hold up the bar and contemte hitting him again, but he doesn¡¯t appear to be conscious and I know in my own heart I don¡¯t have the stomach or the willpower to kill a man ¡­ Even him ¡­ Even if I could justify it to myself, justify it to the world, I could never look at myself in the mirror the same way again. Jake would never look at me the same way and how could my child? I scramble around on the floor trying to find something to help me figure out what to do. The pain in my ankle is hot and burning through me intensely but I push it down and w my way across the space, dragging my leg behind me like an injured animal, slowly and surely. My head is a scrambling mess, my emotions all over the ce and a hard tension growing in my pelvis is making my body rigid. I can¡¯t begin to analyze how I really feel I¡¯m just spurred on by the breathless anxiety of knowing that I am not out of danger yet. He could wake up at any second and the pain in my body is weakening me with every movement. My vision is blurred by sticky liquid in my face and my mouth is full of the taste of blood. My head is pounding and swelling across my brow at an rming rate, bringing back the deep nausea and dizziness once more. My body is giving up on me and I need to save myself before it does. My eyes wander to the phone on the unit and I crawl to it, yanking the cable right out of the wall like a crazed woman, biting into my hands and slicing my palm with the strength of my force. I pull it from the base of the phone stand and crawl back to him. I¡¯m determined to do this, the overwhelming trembling of my body going into shock is slowly creeping up from my toes, so I need to be quick. I¡¯ve never restrained a person this way before, but sheer fear and adrenaline has me looping his hands behind his back and tying as tight as I can a multitude ofplicated knots. I don¡¯t care if I cut off all cirction, the feel of his rough skin is making me recoil internally, the stench of his musky body is choking me, but I keep tying the cord hoping that this will be enough. His breathing is shallow, so he¡¯s alive, and I can make out dark liquid oozing onto the floor by his head. I injured him in the way he injured me and somehow it starts a tiny spark of strength deep inside of me; a calm that sweeps up through me, giving me focus and determination. I take a deep breath, and sit back to look at my handiwork, taking a moment to calm my crazy body and reeling thoughts. He¡¯s strung up at the back and I¡¯ve run out of cord to do more. I hope it¡¯s enough and his knee is too smashed to be able to use his legs should he want toe get me. I need Jake. I need help. I need the police. Get help, Emma ¡­ Go. I realize my phone is in my bag upstairs and I must¡¯ve dropped it with his assault. There¡¯s no way I can muster the ability to get up that steep winding staircase and I¡¯ve just disabled the onlyndline nearby. Fuck¡¯s sake, Emma. Well done. Stupid. Stupid. Okay, look around, Emma. Look! What can I find? What can I do? How can I get help? I grab at my temples and knock my head, trying to think. My eyes wandering around the room desperately searching for something to help me getfort. Calm, Emma, be rational. Sylvana is right next door. The street ¡­ Get to the street. I try to get up and my ankle gives outpletely, another sharp agonizing pain, wooziness hitting me with ferocity and a dampness now coursing down my chin as a fresh wave of blood pulses further down my face. I¡¯m shivering, my body is shaking so badly that my hands are bing unusable. I trace the warmth of the liquid up to my forehead and realize he¡¯s cut my head open with the force of my collision into the door upstairs. My brow is swelling, and my hairline is crusting with blood. ¡°Jake is going to fuck you up!¡± I snarl at his motionless body, suddenly enraged at what he¡¯s done to me. What he intended to do to me! The anger I used to harbor kicks free and ims me with a fury I normally keep locked up, like some seething crazy past Emma. This is not going to be over if the police take him away, he will just bide his time ande back. He¡¯ll wait in the shadows again until we least expect it andsh out in a new more horrendous way. I look down at my stomach and recoil in sheer fear and terror. He wille for our child ¡­ I know he will. Something in me tells me he would, that his level of patience and craziness means he will be a threat forever, one that even Jake can¡¯t keep us safe from. I need to get to Sylvana, she will know what to do. Mathews wille back, and he can do something with this piece of shit while Jakees to me and figures out what to do. Jake always knows what to do. I try to stand again, with more determination, to walk out of this house but my ankle bites at me in pain and I crumble in screaming agony; nausea washing through me so fast I can¡¯t contain it, and I throw up on the floor; finally giving up the contents that had been threatening to expel all along. I lean back in disgust and grab at my swimming head, spitting blood and sick out of my mouth and use my sleeve to wipe at it. I clutch at my stomach as a tremor of ache courses through my lower abdomen, a prickling of anxiety at the fear that maybe my baby might be damaged in some way; that this physical encounter has hurt her. The ache hits again, low and winding, like a punch in the gut and it strokes panic in me once more. The sheer force of deep-rooted fear at the possible loss of her hits me, consuming everything but the need to get help for her ¡­ For my baby. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. He will not take you from me. He cannot win. The tears start pouring down my face and I can¡¯t take much more of this pain soaring in my heart; every aching assault on my abdomenes in waves and is like a piece of my heart being sliced away. I lift my chin, defiantly, and drag myself onto my knees moved by the power inside to get my child the help she needs to stay with me. My belly is aching and twisting inside of me and tears flood my face, diluting the blood and mess, leaving a trail across my shirt and neck. My arms are aching, and my body is shaking violently. I crawl purposefully, ignoring everything else but the need to save her, my beautiful little green-eyed girl. I want to see her smile back at me. I want to hold her in my arms and know the smell of my little one against my face. The feel of her delicate skin and soft breaths. I won¡¯t lose her now; I¡¯ll grip onto her harder than I¡¯ll ever grip onto anything in my life. I crawl to the front door, trying to haul myself to my feet to reach the handles, crying with every single effort and calling out in pain. My eyes are screwed shut and my fists are clenched to get my body to move upwards. I won¡¯t let him do this to me. I won¡¯t let him destroy any chance of happiness or take away our life in this way. I reach up, hauling at the handle in onest desperate effort, trying to get enough purchase to open the door and shove myself up further against the screaming pain. I connect with the handle and tug, the door opens enough to catch with my fingers in the crack and sob out loud in relief, grappling manically and slumping back down onto my knees, relieving the excruciating pain of my ankle somewhat. I pull the door back as far as I can against me, shifting my weight out of the way to amodate the opening of the door. It is less than a second before the rm engages at the disruption. My home turns into some shing beacon of lights and wailing sirens, overwhelming my senses in a terrifying assault; crying for help in deafening proportions and I make out the blurred lights near the front door, blinking in time to the brain fogging ringing all around me, knocking thest of my senses into oblivion. I did it. I signaled for help and now I want to lie down and curl around my child and hold onto her for a little longer. My body is giving up on me while my brain tries to find the calm in the chaos all around me. Stay with me, sweetheart, hold on for just a little longer. They¡¯reing. Daddy wille. Please baby ¡­ Chapter 264 Chapter 264 It all happens so fast that it¡¯s like a dream, the car sweeping past as I gaze out of the open door hazily, distant enough to be a blur but close enough to see it turn this way. Headlights turning to blind me painfully as the wailing of the house rm bes almost unbearable. My consciousness giving way as the pulsing aches and ripples through my abdomen course along my legs and up my front, making my jaw ache. The warmth between my legs causing my heart break and silent tears pour down my face. I can no longer move or cry, immobilized and cradling her to me, begging her to stay. My head is foggy as the ache starts to devour me slowly, like a wave of numbness moving in. It¡¯s just the two of us cocooned together in a safe little bubble of non-reality; together and holding on in the hopes ofing out of this okay, of never being parted. The blur is Giovanni running toward me, a dark expression of concern on his face and his familiar wide shoulders, like Jake¡¯s, grounding me. I focus on nothing but him and try to breathe as his face of safety gets closer, relief sweeping through me as heavy fatigue takes me over. Now Mathews¡¯ face is close to mine, I must¡¯ve closed my eyes for a moment. The nausea, dizziness, and blurry vision heighten as my body raises up away from the cold hard ground. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s happening anymore. Human warmth around me, the smell of distant aftershave and mixed voices. Familiarity in some weird distant way. ¡°Emma! Emma.¡± I hear my name but it¡¯s far away ¡­ so far¡­ my baby girl and I want to sleep. Yes, sleep and wake up in Jake¡¯s arms and his beautiful smile, that I call home. * * * My head aches so badly that I¡¯m afraid to open my eyes, my throat stings and my whole leg is throbbing. My abdomen feels of nothing, just cold calm numbness. I¡¯m too hazy to experience any sort of emotions inside me. Woozy and sick, disorientated, and I have no idea if I¡¯m dreaming or dead. The pain is too much for me to push through to open my eyes and my body feels so heavy and unresponsive that I¡¯m not even sure I can. There¡¯s a low gentle noise seeping into my thoughts, tenderly stirring emotions that I am trying so hard to cling to. The sound is fading in and out of mind and every time I try to follow it, it seems to move further away. I feel like I¡¯m at one end of a long dark tunnel and everything else is all the way over there, at the glimmer of light in the distance; if I move toward it I can hear it a little clearer. I pull myself along the dark cold space, moving closer to the light in the far-off distance, straining to listen and hope that if I do then my eyes will open and let me see where I am. The silence starts to recede as I urge along toward the muffled noise, bringing it louder into my sub-conscious and the notes vibrating around my brain. The faint melodic notes of a familiar song tugging me toward the light and the warmth that now seems to be trailing across my cheek. Something so familiar and inviting, begging me to turn toward it. Tiny notes of a song I know and the soft touch that I need with emotions connected to memories that are fuzzy and just out of my grasp. I need to try harder. I strain forward, the heaviness bing tranquil, helping my mind stay tuned. I recognize the melody instantly; the beautiful soft words of ¡°Halo¡±ing through the haze toward me and a soft gentle breath crosses my brow. Jake¡¯s words, his songs; exining to me how he feels in a way he thinks he never can. My emotions rush my heart at finding this small piece of joy in my dark prison. The familiar intoxicating smell of his body and soul and the touch of his fingers across my lips as he tries to draw me out to the light to be with him. ¡°Emma, bambino ¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so sorry I wasn¡¯t there for you. Come back to me, baby ¡­ Don¡¯t leave me, please ¡­¡± Jake! Jake, my sweet Jake. You¡¯re here. You found me. I love you. His low husky tone is wracked with anguish and pleading, reaching out to me, and I want to stretch out and console his voice. I want to open my eyes and draw him into me. His voice is drowning in pain and aching for me, and I try desperately to reach out toward him. My mind is too exhausted, it wants me to go back into the darkness, but I won¡¯t submit. I won¡¯t leave him, he needs me. I can hear it in the pain that tortures his voice. He needs me to make it all okay for him. I did it, Jake. I fought him off, Ray was here at our house in our lives, but I fought him off and I won. I did it for us, for you and our baby. He can¡¯t hurt us anymore. ¡°I love you, Emma ¡­ I can¡¯t do this without you, I¡¯ll never survive. Please? I need you to try for me. Just try toe back to us ¡­ I¡¯ll never let you go and never let you out of my sight again.¡± I¡¯m trying, baby. I swear. I want to tell you everything. I want to be with you forever. Jake¡¯s soft voice pulling me upwards against the tide of heaviness that¡¯s trying to consume me. His hand, a graceful soft stroke of tenderness, runs across my face and I beg my sub-conscious to open my eyes and tell him that I¡¯m here. I¡¯m trying so hard to be with him. Consumed with aching emotion and overwhelming sadness at whatever this is, trying to keep us apart and I want to fight so hard; fight for him and us. I feel like I¡¯m stuck in a dream and I¡¯m losing time every time the darkness draws me back in. I awaken to the flicker of light again, still trapped in Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. my tunnel and a song takes over, its volume increasing, and his soft warm breath and gentle lips graze mine, starting my body with a jolt and a surge of energy. The lightes closer and within grasp, so I beg for him to kiss me again, to wake me from this nightmare properly. It¡¯s like I¡¯m holding my breath waiting for another touch, but his mouth moves away, the soft breath fading, along with his smell and I know the kiss isn¡¯t enough. I¡¯m sliding backward, the darkness inviting me in, peaceful on my senses and helping my confused and dazed mind recuperate. ¡°Emma, you need to open your eyes for Mamma. They said you can do it, so I know you can. You just need to try to find us again.¡± Sylvana. Her soft feminine voice is so close that I can almost reach out and touch it. Her homely, weing warm tone is waiting to embrace me as soon as I leave this darkness. But it just keeps wing me back and the moments feel like days, the seconds could be hours. There seems to be no concept of time in my mind, just the changing of the music every time my sub-conscious brings me round from another wave of enveloping darkness. ¡°Emma, you listen to me now¡­This is not on! You get your ass up and you wake up, you hear me.¡± Le ¡­ sweet feisty Le, how much I love you. Her haughty tone and fiery rasp are dampened by the soft crying through her voice, as her gentle tiny fingers cup mine and I can smell her sweet, sweet perfume. The aroma sliding up my nostrils trying to awaken all my senses. ¡°Move over, Le, let me in. Emma, it¡¯s Sarah, honey. Listen to me, they said if we talk to you that you know ¡­ Maybe you¡¯ll hear us. We love you. We are all right here with you.¡± There¡¯s sniffling and the shifting of bodies as the skin on my arm tingles with goosebumps at her tender stroke. ¡°Don¡¯t let that bastard win, baby girl. Don¡¯t let him take you from Jake ¡­ from us.¡± I try so hard to just do something, say something or respond in some way but I can¡¯t. ¡°Can I just be alone with her?¡± His broken voicees through at me and I try again so hard to reach for him, to will my voice to work. He needs to help me; I need his strength because I¡¯m just too exhausted to do this alone. I need him to draw me out from this ce that holds me still and motionless, suspended and floating like I¡¯m drifting away on the water. I don¡¯t want to be here anymore. The musices closer and louder, something new that makes my heart ache. The one song that is always going to hold my heart. Bringing me back from another brief trip into oblivion. I have no idea how long I go there for. ¡°Say you love me ¡­¡± His voice is closer than the music and in perfect sync, his fingers are trailing my face and he stops singing to lean in and breathe kisses across my closed eyes. Every touch and caress is making it easier for me to move closer to where I want to be. I ache to end this darkness, so I can feel him, and run my fingers across his mouth and jaw. I want to open my mouth and kiss his, responding to his song in any way that I can. But I¡¯m held captive and can¡¯t find the strength I need to pull me out of this, I need him to help me, like he always does. I need you, Jake, please save me. ¡°Emma Anderson, you listen to me ¡­ I¡¯m not going to sit back and watch you fucking sleep for the rest of our lives, you hear me? Where is my PA Emma? She has way more sass than this, she wouldn¡¯t lie around like this doing nothing. Who else is going to kick my ass in gear when I¡¯m misbehaving? If you don¡¯t wake up right now, I¡¯m going to haul your ass up and make you.¡± Jake¡¯s forceful tone is almost a growl, full of emotion and tears and a bunch of aggression. He¡¯s trying to find me in here and he knows that the bossy, domineering asshole he can be always had a way of giving me what I needed; even if it¡¯s just to wake up and give him attitude back. I get a spike of defiance in his non-gentle tone, yet a surge of deep hearted love at this version of him. ¡°Listen, neonata ¡­ No woman of mine is spending her life lounging in bed, letting everyone fall apart around her ¡­ Enough is enough, it¡¯s been days, Emma, now get up!¡± His tone deeper, huskier, and almost breaks. His raw emotions areced in every word he says, trying so hard to reach me. Chapter 265 Chapter 265 I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I¡¯m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub- conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It¡¯s like the beginning of our rtionship all over again. I¡¯m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most. No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won¡¯t! The song is a reminder that he doesn¡¯t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever realityes when my body wakes up. Maybe that¡¯s why my mind doesn¡¯t want me to wake up. It¡¯s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won¡¯t be able to love Jake and let him in the ways I did before Ray tried to kill me. But it¡¯s not going to be like that this time. I need to be the one to put the pieces back together in the aftermath of what happened. I need to ept help from others who only want me to feel loved and safe, but I also need to be the one to put Jake back together after this. He¡¯s going to need me to help him get through this, his guilt will eat at him if I don¡¯t. I bite at a tinkle of defiance growing into something more. I¡¯m stronger than this. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. I push with every ounce of strength and stubbornness within me and aim for the light trying with all my might to break free. I can feel it; every ounce of my being ising together and fighting with an almost deafening pain. The exhaustion of trying to wake up is almost drowning me back down into the darkness. I know I¡¯ll only need one push to break the barrier holding me here, that once I leave this ce I¡¯ll be free and nevere back again, the confines of my prison will fall away, and I¡¯ll be free. I CAN DO THIS. I push with everything within me, all I¡¯ve got but realityes up too fast and my senses go into overdrive with the sudden explosion of noises, smells, and sounds consuming my brain and the pain and aches of my body overwhelm me all at once. The harsh lights from the room are blinding even with my eyes closed, from one side the smell of coffee and flowers are rushing up to nose into my brain and I can feel the softness of a bed under me. My body is heavy, and my limbs are aching too much to move but I know I could move them if I try. I suddenly feel connected to the heaviness I know is me and no longer floating in some weird tunnel. My face aches and my eyes are glued shut. My mouth is dry and cracked and suddenly the nausea consumes me. Yet, somehow, through all of that, I know I¡¯m here with him, in his reality and not some dream-like state anymore on the other side. I can hear the hum of machines, the noise of something blowing air in and out and the mumbling sounds of hushed voices passing by in the distance. ¡°I just don¡¯t know what else to do, baby.¡± Jake¡¯s voice breaks and tears me in two. The sound of defeat and broken-hearted pain is so obvious, I can almost sense his body sagging close to me and I can hear his breathing so very close, the smell of his aftershave and just him, luring me out of my haze. I blink my eyes open and be brutally aware of the bright white crisp surroundings and agonizing light over my head, buzzing like an electronic device about to explode. Blinking harshly to try to adjust and fighting the will to just close them once more as pain envelopes my skull. A warm heat is enveloping my right hand securely, a touch I¡¯d know from anywhere and it brings my full focus and attention straight to the one person I want to see and feel right now. My eyes flicker once more before finally being able to open enough to see things, I gaze down to my hand before taking in my surroundings. Hisrge tanned hand grasps at my lifeless delicate one and I look so pale inparison. He¡¯s holding on desperately, fingers entwined softly, dwarfing my hand inside his. That strong forearm exposed, his olive skin and hints of tattoos along his inner arm under the rolled-up sleeve of the shirt I saw him put on the day he left the house. It¡¯s rumpled and wrinkled, and my eyes follow the length of his arm up to his beautiful face. My Jake. My beautiful reason for fighting to hold on. The sight of him makes my heart explode in my chest as though we¡¯ve been apart for months and I¡¯m only just seeing him. He¡¯s sat on a chair, slumped forward with his face in his palm and facing the floor. He¡¯s still wearing the same clothes he wore the day he left for the office, minus his tie and jacket, but his hair is a mess and his face is unshaven; his posture is screaming of emotional agony. He looks completely awful and ridiculously delicious; I couldn¡¯t love my little lost boy any more than I do right now. His brave attempt at domineering when it¡¯s obvious he¡¯s anything but. He looks broken beyond belief. I clear my throat at seeing that gorgeous, beautiful sight, the man who makes my heart soar and suddenly feel so safe; with him so close I know I¡¯ll always be protected. His head snaps up at the noise and I feel like I¡¯ve been pped. All thoughts of chastising him are gone as soon as Iy eyes on the face that means the world to me. He looks devastated, his eyes are bloodshot, red-rimmed, and tired. His face is ashen and drained of all life. It hits me in the gut seeing him this way, a mirror image of the broken Jake who betrayed me so long ago. ¡°Emma, bambino!¡± He jumps to his feet, his palm hitting a button on the wall and he starts cradling my hand against his face. Eyes wild, he doesn¡¯t seem to know whether to cry or smile and he¡¯s unsure if he should even be touching me; hands hovering in case he hurts me, unable to conceal the trembling of his body. ¡°Jesus, baby, oh God, Emma ¡­ I didn¡¯t think you were going to wake up.¡± A single tear escapes his eye and slides slowly down his face. ¡°I¡¯ve never been so scared ¡­ I couldn¡¯t breathe.¡± He leans in, kissing me softly on the mouth, and I take great delight in being able to enjoy it. I lift a hand to his neck to pull me closer to him and lose myself,pletely, in everything that is him. He pulls away and strokes my hair back gently, a slight, tensing throb, running across my face at the touch. ¡°Jake.¡± I croak softly, my voice is weak and hoarse and almost non-existent. I¡¯m suddenly so very tired and my emotions start to tumble out of me as a tear escapes and rolls down my face. The pang inside my abdomen hits me as though somehow being conscious reminds me of my baby, we¡¯d been apart in my dream world but now that I am back here I can feel her clinging on ¡­ somehow, I know she¡¯s still connected to me even if she¡¯s so very weak. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, baby. I¡¯m so fucking sorry ¡­ I should¡¯ve been there. I should¡¯ve known. It was so monumentally fucking stupid of me to have not done a major background check on the people I left in our fucking house ¡­ I should¡¯ve made sure, back in Chicago, he would nevere back.¡± He¡¯s rambling, all emotions set loose, eyes brimming and body trembling. I grip his fingers to try to bring him somefort, trying to calm him with my touch. I want to be the strength for him that he is to me, the one that helped mee back from the darkness. ¡°Jake ¡­ stop ¡­ please ¡­ This isn¡¯t your fault.¡± I grate out painfully, as soft gentle tears fall down my bruised and aching face. I flinch when his hand brushes them away, my face aching more and more with every second that my eyes are open. I can¡¯t ignore the awful aching agony in my foot either and nce down to see some sort of tent monstrosity over the top keeping the nkets from touching my leg. I¡¯m guessing it¡¯s in a cast. Jake leans in and pushes a kiss to my forehead in a bid to calm himself, breathing in fast and seemingly unable to take in the fact that I really am awake. ¡°Ouch,¡± I yelp, and he recoils. ¡°Shit ¡­ I¡¯m sorry, bambino. Fuck ¡­ Oh, baby, I¡¯m so fucking sorry.¡± Jake breaks down again and cries over me, leaning down to lie his head on my neck, making my heart ache right through my chest for him. The doctor appears in the doorway with a professional smile reaching his eyes, as Jake¡¯s gentle hands cradle me close, never once letting me go. I could lie like this with him connected to me forever. ¡°Miss. Anderson, wee back. Let¡¯s take a little look at you now you¡¯re awake.¡± Chapter 266 Chapter 266 I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It¡¯s ssy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, andyers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It¡¯s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory. I admire my wless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride. I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever. I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. I am that woman. I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be back in heels after so long and I turn around, hearing movement from the room behind me, alerting me to tropical blue eyes catching mine in the reflection as I straighten up. ¡°Oh, my God, Ems ¡­ God, you look stunning,¡± Sarah holds back a tear, touching her eyes with a tissue and waving her hands to save her mascara from running, as I watch her in the mirror behind me. She¡¯s wearing her fitted aqua bridesmaid dress and her messy blonde short hair is pinned up in a loose half up style like mine and I¡¯m ovee with a huge surge of love. Her bright blue eyes are heavy with emotion as she¡¯s watches me intensely in a way that has my heart lifting with excitement. ¡°It¡¯s happening, Sarah.¡± I smile widely, a tremor of passion rippling through me. My nerves are tingling, my stomach is fluttering, and my knees are turning to mush. I spin around lifting my delicate veil and let my eyes skim that wless silhouette in the mirror, t stomach once more and a body that looks like it never changed. I¡¯ hit with that familiar tug of emptiness at no longer feeling her life growing within me. The vacuum of emptiness inside never leaves me, but I smile to myself, weakly, and push it down, lifting my chin defiantly, looking like old PA Emma, yet so different in so many ways. This is my happy day; no tears unless they are ones of joy. I remind myself that I¡¯m not going to cloud this day with running make-up and emotional breakdowns unless they¡¯re rted to taking my vows. ¡°Oh, my God, Emma.¡± Le bursts into tears when she sees me, sliding into the room behind Sarah. They only left me for a few minutes, so I could step into my dress, yet they¡¯re acting like this is the first time they¡¯ve seen it too, even though they¡¯re the ones who helped me choose it. It took me endless shopping trips to find the perfect one and constant boring fittings with selfies that Le just had to litter over Instagram. I banned Jake from using any social media the entire time we were nning the big day, for fear of trending posts giving away ideas of which shops I was heading into and people snapping sneaky photos of me trying on gowns in shops. Le saw them, on more than one asion and promptly chased them off, but still, pictures would still find themselves all over the social media sites. The world still loves their Carrero hotty after all and his hashtag on anything wedding rted seemed to top the bill on a weekly basis. ¡°You¡¯re ruining your make-up.¡± I chide Le softly, but she shakes her head and smiles back through a wave of tears. Her eyeliner is already making a quick exit down her face. ¡°Daniel likes me looking like a train wreck nowadays ¡­ Will just turn him on seeing me with mascara down my chin yet again.¡± She sniffs, and Sarah starts fussing with the hankies, cleaning Le¡¯s face up in a desperate attempt to salvage her perfected make-up. Le is so hopelessly cute when she cries, and I agree with her on the Daniel point. The boy clucks around her like a mother hen anytime she burst into tears. Daniel is turning as hopeless as Jake nowadays and never far from hisdy¡¯s side; gone is the Hunter of old who partied and messed around with women galore. Le is his world. ¡°I think the fact that you¡¯ve done nothing but cry non-stop since he got you pregnant means he has no choice but to love that train wreck ¡­ Invest in waterproof mascara.¡± Sarah chides, and I watch as Le runs a hand over her bulging bump. I am hit with another hint of rising tears and a small tug of envy. Her growing bump is twins, much to Daniel¡¯s shock when they found out she was even carrying. That day I really thought we needed an ambnce for him since he literally passed out in the doctor¡¯s office. I run my hand over my own t stomach automatically with an internal sharp pain to my heart, the familiar wave of emotion I get every time I realize there¡¯s nothing there anymore. I was warned that it would take a long time for the feeling of emptiness to go away, and maybe not until I try for another child, but even the thought of having another baby brings fresh tears to my eyes. The hormones are still messing with me even now. There is gut-wrenching heartache at the emptiness of my body, so I try to push it aside mentally with a deep inhale, slowly letting it back out. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll have to marry him now then, huh?¡± Le dabs her face with Sarah¡¯s tissue and sniffs a little to reel in her tears. ¡°He¡¯s asked enough times and I¡¯m really only saying no because I¡¯m such a fucking mess all the time. Why would he want this?¡± Le sighs back her tears again and tries to limit the damage to her face with apact, squinting at it disapprovingly then dabbing manically over the streaky areas in a bid to fix it. I predict it will happen many more times today. ¡°You¡¯re asking me?¡± I look at her with a knowing expression; one that says you do remember the crazy mess I¡¯ve been this past year? My recovery from a head fracture and small brain bruise was arge ordeal and included a very long and messy recovery. I had a lot of counseling to deal with my past as well as the emotional aftereffects of what Vanquis did to me. Recovery involved rehabilitation to get past some of the brain damage I incurred from the incident, such as impaired bnce, bouts of severe low mood, and awful headaches for months on end. My crying and psychotic behavior consumed me thesest few months and really tested everyone¡¯s love around me. It has been a very trying period in my life and Jake has been my absolute rock throughout, the perfect fianc¨¦e with the patience of a saint. Now I¡¯m throwing myself into my new path and studying to be a counselor for abused children within Sylvana¡¯s charity. I want to be a beacon of hope and a hand to guide children to a better life. I want to do for the Sophies¡± of the world what Jake did for me. It was hard to study and go to sses, still seeing my therapist weekly to keep on top of everything while aiming for a new future. Jake supported me in everything and finally let some of his domineering side rx. ¡°Well, Le, you¡¯d better hurry up because my wedding is in a month and you¡¯ll be the only single one of our trio.¡± Sarah has given up on salvaging Le¡¯s make-up, and instead hands her a wet wipe. It¡¯s a safe bet to say Le has looked better but it¡¯s no surprise that her cute face can pull off the smudgy look any day of the week. I gaze at Sarah¡¯s wless happy face and smile at the radiance I see reflected at me. Marcus surprised everyone by proposing to Sarah, rather publicly, at her birthday bash which Jake organized for me, as a thank you to Sarah for being my friend. The proposal was beautiful, and I admit that Marcus really is right for her. Sarah was bowled over, not only by my public appreciation of ¡®the girl who loved me when no one else did and persevered anyway¡¯ but the sheer spontaneity of Marcus¡¯s proposal. She didn¡¯t see iting at all, none of us did, except maybe Jake. I¡¯m sure Marcus had a few whispered conversations with Jake to organize the whole thing. ¡°Okay!¡± Sarah turns to me and takes a deep breath. ¡°Ready?¡± She holds out an arm to me, bossily, being the only one who seems to be organizing things today and I tilt my head with ast final breath. I don¡¯t feel any of the nerves or inner doubts I¡¯d been expecting to sweep over me when this moment arrived. Instead I just feel impatient at knowing he¡¯s out there waiting, picturing those devastating green eyes smiling back at me and his unbelievably kissable mouth. ¡°Feels like I¡¯ve been waiting for this for an eternity.¡± I smile and allow my best friends to guide me from the room, one on each arm, out into the hallway, they pick up my dress to avoid catching it on the door. We make our way down the hall and I¡¯m met with the almost unemotional face of Giovanni Carrero. He extends an arm to me with a smile and a nod, his eyes appraising my dress and I slide my own into his. He smiles wider and brighter, inclining his head approvingly. This is about as far as the man ever gets with any real show of emotion, but I get it. I know him better nowadays and I smile, sighing with indulgence at the father-inw who is sopletely loveable. It has taken some time to figure out this rogue enigma, but I¡¯m sure I have some understanding of him now, after all we¡¯re simr kinds of people. The type to be more reserved in affection than Jake and Sylvana and subtle in how we show it to those who don¡¯t know us well. ¡°Ready to walk me down the aisle and present me to your son?¡± I nudge him gently, a little affectionate grin on my face and that huge warmth runs through me when I see a little softening of his stern focus. The subtle tells that underneath the cool Giovanni exterior beats a warm and loving heart. ¡°Of, course. I can imagine nothing more I¡¯d rather be doing today.¡± He winks, smugness appearing on his face and I shake my head at him. He reminds me so much of Jake at times, but I know neither would ever admit to it. ¡°d you feel that way.¡± I lean up and nt an impromptu kiss on his cheek, with absolutely no qualms about bestowing loving affection on my family members, even the males. From the corner of my eye I catch his eyebrow twitch, much like Arrick¡¯s, showing a betrayal of t emotion. My happy heart is too full of warmth and excited energy today and it must be rubbing off on him. ¡°Well, I didn¡¯t go to the bother of losing an assistant and sending her back to my son on a whim.¡± He winks at me, surprisingly, because he¡¯s not a winker ¡­ and that¡¯s twice now, but I¡¯m bbergasted more because of what he said. ¡°What?¡± I blink up at him nonplussed, suddenly, thinking I maybe misheard him and can¡¯t quite compute what he¡¯s saying. I blink at him while gripping his arm tightly and look confused. Chapter 267 Chapter 267 ¡°My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,¡± he says so factually, looking down at me, ¡°I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.¡± Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless. He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn¡¯t ¡­ an ultimatum that led us to where we are now. Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake¡¯s building, so we would end up back in each other¡¯s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything. ¡°No need to thank me, Emma.¡± He raises his brows in an almost smug manner and I clear my throat, finding my voice, still shocked that if he hadn¡¯t done that one simple thing, then I wouldn¡¯t be here today, with him, getting ready to do this. ¡°You sent me back to him, so he would? So, we would? How did you even know?¡± I ampletely blown away by his confession, emotions brimming to the surface and a deep aching pain in my heart, so touched by a man who always seemed indifferent toward me. We¡¯re still standing in the hall as the two girls mess about nearby with their dresses and hair while we wait for the rest of our party. They haven¡¯t heard any of Giovanni¡¯s confession, since they¡¯re further back and neither are paying attention to my almost tearful expression. ¡°He¡¯s my son, I see everything. I know him even if he doesn¡¯t like to admit it. You were actually a very competent assistant.¡± That wily look and lift of a satisfied smile have me shaking my head at him again inplete disbelief. Giovanni is a sneaky man, but I absolutely love him for it, for every sneaky underhanded card he has ever yed in the final happiness of his son. I squeeze his arm and throw caution to the wind by throwing my arms around him instead, giving him my best version of a Jake hug that I can muster. He tenses for a second awkwardly, Giovanni is not a man who does public disys of affection, and then hugs me back, a solid sort of fatherly hug for just a moment, but it means the world to me. He lets me go and straightens his jacket, returning the mask of effortless grace and poise I know only too well. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°Move down the hall a bit, we¡¯ll wait for Sophie nearer the door ¡­ She better hurry up.¡± Le huffs impatiently, pushing us gently, bossy pants back on and face wless once more. She¡¯s checking the time on her wristwatch and frowning at Sarah who is looking up and down the hall for any sign of our missing bridesmaid. I don¡¯t expect anything else from Sophie nowadays, the girl is a fifteen-year-old ball of fun, but we all adore her mercilessly. Giovanni begins to lead me out of the hallway toward therger area outside the main hall doors, a brighter and airier half circle room with ceiling windows letting the sun stream in. I lift my chin a little with each step, my heart expanding more with the realization that this really is it and it¡¯s really happening. The Carreros are making me one of their own and I am getting my Jake for an eternity, never to be parted again. This crazy man is taking me as a daughter with his terrifying family and secrets I¡¯d never like to guess at or even know. Like what exactly he did with Ray Vanquis after he handed me to Mathews. Not that I want to know and it¡¯s something I¡¯ve never pressed Jake about either. Giovanni took care of things because I am family and the less I know the more I can pretend it never happened at all. Jake never speaks of Vanquis either, and as much as I know that Jake would¡¯ve never been involved in anything like that, I also know he¡¯s probably relieved that his father swooped in. I don¡¯t want to know if Vanquis is dead or alive, all we got was a promise that Vanquis is never going toe back. Giovanni assured us of that and by now I¡¯ve learned that his word is his bond. Jake changed toward Giovanni after that. He no longer disapproves of his father¡¯s less than legal ties, especially when they swoop in and deal with a problem that is over Jake¡¯s head. Jake couldn¡¯t exactly take a moral high ground with his father¡¯s dealings when he told his father to do whatever it was that needed to be done to keep his family safe. The rtionship between them is far more level now because of it, changing with every passing month and I¡¯m happy to see some sort of genuine bond building on both sides; I¡¯m sure Sylvana feels the same way. Here I am, arm in arm, with the man who is possibly capable of making a human disappear to the waiting arms of the man who spent a lifetime misunderstanding him. Now the two of them have some sort of mutual bond because Giovanni saved me in ce of his son. He won Jake over, by saving the one person in the world who mattered to him the most ¡­ Me. We are a family. All of us. My heart catches in my throat as we reach the double doors that hold my life inside and pause to wait. My heart and my happiness await me; and very soon I¡¯m about to take that step inside and finalize it all. Just a few more minutes of waiting and we will be going in there, to end one chapter of my life and start a new one with the person I adore more than anything in the universe. My heart growing with excitement and my nerves rising in anticipation; even though I know I have nothing to be frightened of. ¡°Do you think she¡¯ll be in there, Emma?¡± Sarah whispers behind me and I shake my head, already knowing who she means without asking. Nothing registers in my heart at her question, not a flicker, no feeling at all about knowing my mother won¡¯t be among the sea of friends and faces in that room to watch me marry my soul mate. I am long healed over the absence of her in my life. I just feel a sense of freedom, much like the day, over a year ago, when I walked out of her building. She never made contact again, even when the papers reported my near-death experience and four- daya at the hands of an intruder at ¡®Billionaire Business Entrepreneur Jacob Carreros New Family Home¡¯. The media had a field day with that story and ran it for weeks, even long after my exit from the private care hospital and back home. My mother never graced me with a phone call or even a text or email in that whole time. I didn¡¯t have a single visit from her in my several weeks at recovery in the private hospital, not even a bunch of flowers or a get-well card. I ceased to care about her at all. It only helped me move on. ¡°Are you okay about it?¡± Le soothes in and I turn to both my girls and nod, honestly, smiling happily. I am worth far more than any effort she ever put into my life and I am surrounded by people who genuinely care, showing a real kind of love and affection, not some cold shadow of an attempt at it. ¡°Wait! Wait.¡± Sophie¡¯s panicked voice ising at us anxiously and she appears, down the hall, looking a little flustered. Her dress is barely zipped up and her hair already working loose. She¡¯s rushing down the hall with Mrs. Huntsberger in tow looking every bit like the wild teen she has be lately. The poor woman looks flustered and tired, chasing down that energetic girl and trying to bring calm to the chaos of the child she loves so much. ¡°That¡¯s what we were doing.¡± Giovanni winks at her and Le and Sarah start fussing with her hair in a bid to calm the wildness that is Sophie nowadays. She is fast taking Le¡¯s ce of ¡®wild child¡¯ and is excelling at being more than a handfultely. Sometimes she¡¯s exhausting but we all love her dearly and we all understand that this is Sophie¡¯s way of dealing with her past; much like it had been Le¡¯s ¡­ Teenage girls! ¡°Is that everyone?¡± Giovanni smiles at me and I nod back at him, taking another steadying deep breath. Nerves overtaking me, not because I have doubts, but because this is the most important day of our lives and I am tingling all over with suppressed excitement. I am finally bing a Carrero ¡­ Mrs. Emma Carrero. Jake¡¯s wife. I can barely stand still with the urge to burst through the door and get to him now that we¡¯re all assembled in the right positions. The girls take their ces behind me; Sarah fixing my veil at the back and fluffing my dress onest time; Le handing me my simple eloquent bouquet of lilies and beautiful tropical flowers and I close my eyes to take a moment for myself. With a deep breath, Giovanni opens the door that throws open my view to the sea of people who mean everything in the world to me. The room is fit to bursting with standing guests all waiting patiently, looking this way, and the immediate melody of music echoing toward us. Christina Perri ¡®A Thousand Years¡¯ ys down the aisle and I frown back at Le, questioningly, with a half-smile on my face. It¡¯s not a song I would¡¯ve chosen myself. ¡°Sophie picked it,¡± Le mutters, rolling her eyes. ¡°She¡¯s a Twilight fanatic and we drew straws.¡± Le and the others fought over the job of head bridesmaid almost ruthlessly in the run up to this day and drawing straws becamemonce for decisions. I let them squabble over who picked my wedding march song while I focused on my studies. They took away the wedding stress from me by organizing most of it between them. ¡°Nice ¡­ I suppose it fits.¡± I giggle at Sarah¡¯s eye roll and disapproving look at Sophie, the girl just shrugs, mischievously, with a huge smile. The music drifting over me brings my attention back to the front, making me emotional, and for the first time I really listening to the words of this very beautiful song. I take a deep breath and gesture to my ¡®father inw to be¡¯ that I am ready, so, we move forward. Slowly and surely, held safe in his gentle embrace as we walk down the aisle together, followed by my beautiful girls. The room is huge with high ceilings and the smell is overpowering with the array of a hundred flower arrangements ced on every wall and row of seats. There are beautiful gands at every high arched window and colored sashes acting as a walkway to my red carpeted aisle. It¡¯s a glorious and stunning wedding venue, made more magnificent by the people standing and watching me with beaming happy faces as I pass by. I scan the aisles as we walk on and take in the faces as we go, the Carreros at my left in their droves. Rows and rows of beautiful Italian looking people with big smiles, most of whom I¡¯ve only briefly met in these past few months. Then there are all Jake¡¯s friends, now people I consider myself close to. He seriously has too many people in the world that he sses as family or friends. I feel like I¡¯ll never get to the end of all the people he knows. On the right are those from Carrero Tower and Carrero House that worked alongside me and knew me when I was a different person. I am not ashamed that they sit in ce of my family, because really my family are all here with me, watching me walk down toward him and he¡¯s all I need. Chapter 268 Chapter 268 I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They¡¯re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna¡¯s mascara is pouring down her normally wless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way. I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He¡¯s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent of him, seeing as Marissa lost all interest in a baby that she had no purpose for anymore. She went under themunication radar soon after giving birth, not that I¡¯mining, I¡¯m happy that Marissa stopped being our problem and we¡¯ll most likely never have to deal with her again. The girl Ben has been dating for thest six months, sits beside him in the row and smiles my way, shyly. Grace is everything Marissa isn¡¯t, and she dotes on little Adam as much as Ben does. We¡¯ve all started to be friends recently and she seems to be looking like a permanent fixture in Ben¡¯s life; a new mummy for the most beautiful little mini-Ben you could ever see. It¡¯s obvious Ben has found his Emma, and Jake has regained some sort of friendship with him over thest few months. Hunter is obviously a little jealous that someone is moving in on his bestie in a very manly ¡®bromance¡¯ kind of way and it¡¯s endearingly amusing. Jake¡¯s staff from the Manhattan apartment are sitting nearer the front as part of the family. Nora, Jefferson, the array of security guards, and of course, good old Mathews, another of my heroes that never leaves my side nowadays. He is like a guardian angel and makes my life in our Hamptons home safe and secure. He rarely leaves my presence when I go anywhere, Jake didn¡¯t need to ask that of him, he just naturally became a father figure to me and took it upon himself to always watch over me in a very protective manner since he felt like he failed me when Vanquis came after me. He hauled ass to a hospital with me and saved my life that night. I was suffering from a bleeding brain injury caused by the blow to my head which would¡¯ve been my end if Vanquis managed to take me from the house, as intended. I only lived because of the fast-medical attention given to me, because of Giovanni and Mathews showing up when they did. I catch his eye and smile warmly as he and his wife grasp hands and I swear I see a tear. It tugs my heart and makes me smile widely. I would trust my life under his care and protection for an eternity and I never doubt my safety when I am with him. My eyes scan the room as I walk the long white aisle, rows of white benches edged with wild flowers and lilies and my eyes can¡¯t help but travel thest distance to the most beautiful thing in the entire room getting achingly closer ¡­ That gorgeous man smiling my way. I¡¯m drawn to him and know that once I meet his glorious face I¡¯ll never turn away for anything in the world ever again. He¡¯s watching me walk toward him with his steadfast green gaze and attractive smile, giving me courage, grounding me to him in the way he always does. He¡¯s looking every bit the billionaire yboy in a wless navy suit and gray cravat and waist sash, perfectly tailored and groomed; every bit the man of my fantasies. He can pull off the groom-to-be look effortlessly. His calm fa?ade not failing once, as he stands gazing at me in his usual casual yet cocky pose. I smile back radiantly, my heart swelling with pride at the picture he makes, and I quell the urge to run thest few steps and jump into his arms. He¡¯s standing between Arrick and Daniel, holding the most precious little blue-eyed bundle of mischief in his arms near his face. My chubby legged little heart, my tiny perfection of blonde curls and happy smiles that can make my whole day better with a mere sigh. They¡¯re beckoning me toe and finally join them in name and make our family unitplete. The most enticing reason to ever walk toward anyone ever in the whole wide world. These two precious faces hold my entire universe. My little girl, so like me and almost three months old already; adoringly gazing up at the daddy who is as smitten with her as I am. Jake pulls her up to his face and kisses her tenderly on the forehead, hugging her onest time before handing Mia to Sylvana with a beaming smile. He¡¯s unable to conceal the adoration of a daddy, rarely prized from his daughter, since the day she was born. She¡¯s as much his world as she is mine. Our reason for living. I reach instinctively for my little one as we close thest gap, my heart swelling with overpowering love and my stomach aches with pride at that wless piece of perfection being held in her grandmother¡¯s arms. I kiss her tiny little head, inhaling Mia¡¯s unique smell with closed eyes and take a moment to make herugh for my enjoyment, a sound that brings my heart unbelievable swellingpletion. She always hasughter for her mother, a smile, and a little cheeky face. I coo at her, biting my lip with overwhelming love as her grandmother moves aside, both Jake and I watch her go, for a moment, before turning back to one another. Our eyes lock, filling with tears as we take each other in and realize what this moment is. He looks as stunning as the first time I everid eyes on him and I can¡¯t help instantly longing for him, despite having been with him for as long as I have. Giovanni releases me to Jake and takes Sylvana¡¯s arm to help his wife and grandchild back to the waiting seats close by. They are amazing loving grandparents and spend as much time trying to steal her from us as Le and Sarah do, everyone loves Mia to death and fight over her affections endlessly. I turn to look at the men before me, they look gorgeous, the three most handsome men you ever did see; and I know Le will be behind me bawling her eyes out the sight of the man who has been begging her to marry him for months. Daniel is well and truly a changed man and Le is close to giving in and trusting him for once. The boy is so obviously smitten; the wild party animal with an endless stream of porn stars, booze and drugs is long gone is. He treats her like she¡¯s his princess and bought her a house almost across from ours in the Hamptons. I¡¯m rather proud of how fast Hunter is bing another domesticated good boy; much like Jake. The fiery nature of Le and Daniel¡¯s rtionship still exists but in a much healthier way, despite her sometimes-violent outbursts and he¡¯s sticking around for an eternity. She never has anything to worry about with him ever again and I have a feeling Hunter is going to be a surprisingly good daddy. He¡¯s already amazing with Mia and little Adam; after the first shocks of learning he was going to be a father wore off. Jake¡¯s eyes hold mine, his hand slides into my fingers and he pulls me toward him with a determined tug and a naughty smile on his handsome face. He doesn¡¯t wait for permission but kisses me fully on the mouth. His lips molding to mine and cupping my jaw so he can get as close as possible while naughtily gliding his tongue, passionately, across mine. He puts an arm around my waist and brings me to meet his body with another tug. I¡¯m not sure full-on tongue is appropriate, but I have no chance of resisting given the way that he kisses; I never could. His kisses always have that ability to make me forget where we are. ¡°I think you¡¯re meant to wait for the ¡®you may now kiss the bride¡¯ bit.¡± Daniel smirks at us when Jake pulls back and fixes my lipstick with his thumb, he throws Daniel a defiant smile looking like the cat who got the cream. ¡°Fuck off. I can kiss her whenever I damn well please ¡­ It¡¯s a perk of being hers.¡± Jake grins, his effortlessly ¡®I¡¯m hot and I don¡¯t give a fuck¡¯ smile that melts my panties on sight. He turns back to me, almost ignoring the uneasy shuffling of the man, above us, ready to take us through our vows. ¡°Sorry, Father,¡± Jake mumbles apologetically. ¡°She¡¯s irresistible and I can¡¯t help it.¡± He smiles up at the poor priest with a look that¡¯s decidedly unapologetic. The man just nods with a rather blushed face and rattled expression. I guess he doesn¡¯t like his service being yed out backward. I nudge Jake with my bouquet to tell him to behave but he only winks at me and earns himself a sigh. Jake has never cared about making public disys of affection and he isn¡¯t going to change now; the small titter ofughter running from the audience confirms it. I can¡¯t really say that I¡¯m mad, this is the guy I fell in love with after all and this is part of him, I wouldn¡¯t change for the world. ¡°You look breathtaking, bambino ¡­ woman of my dreams. My angel.¡± He lifts my hand and kisses it, his eyes never leaving mine the whole time. The man in ck uses throat clearing coughs to bring us back to attention and back to the reality of the few hundred people staring at us, patiently waiting on the end of Casanova Carrero. I nce at Jake as he moves me to stand before him, taking my hand in his and holding it tightly. Daniel moves to one side, pulling Le, gently, with him to stand at the step below us, fingers entwined, kissing her on the cheek lovingly and proudly. ¡°You look stunning, baby girl,¡± he whispers at her and I catch the rise of color in her cheeks, and a small giggle escape the lips of a girl who ispletely smitten. I have no worries that the wedding is coming, since I know Le is ready to put him out of his misery and say yes the next time he asks. I¡¯m sure it won¡¯t be long, seeing as asking her to marry him has be a fortnightly habit until she does. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. Arrick takes his ce behind them and smirks, looking from us to Sophie as she sashays into the space next to him, taking his arm with a cheeky grin. She is bing a cute and feisty little woman, developing so fast it¡¯s terrifying and Arrick is probably the only one she ever listens to nowadays. They have an almost sibling bond. His calm Jake-like nature cools her jets when other¡¯s fail to get her to listen. They look adorably cute side by side, and he¡¯s whispering something in her ear that makes her giggle. She adjusts her dress to smooth it down before using her hip to bump into him and grin his way. He reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind her ear and they look our way like an innocent pair of teens who could do no wrong. It¡¯s hard to believe there¡¯s a five-year age difference between them, especially when stood side by side, looking like the most adorable couple ever. Sarah finds her ce next to Marcus who has wandered over from the side, looping his arm in hers with a smile and a gentle kiss to her cheek. They look like the ultimate example of happiness, despite turbulent ups and downs which now seem forgotten, and he looks good for his part today. I smile at them all with such an embracing love in my heart. They are my new family and I wouldn¡¯t have this day any other way, they make it as much as Jake does. Now it¡¯s only Jake and I standing on the top step. The others have taken their ces on the podium below us and we turn to face the man who will join us forever in vows and love and step up to meet him. Jake keeps a firm hold of my hand and pulls me to his side, close enough so no one else will hear. His strong body making me weak with his mere touch as he leans in closer and turns his head my way with a sh of those bewitching hazy greens of his. ¡°I love you, bambino.¡± He throws me a sexy wink, and a Carrero Casanova smile then tilts his head to lean down to me, rubbing his nose against mine in the way that Jake has perfected. ¡°I love you more.¡± I lean up and kiss him on the nose cutely, dying to be alone with him, to see what he¡¯s hiding under that sexy tailored suit and cheeky grin. We turn to face the voice of the man who will join us in marriage and feel nothing but love, devotion, and certainty, standing hand in hand with bodies touching. I tell the man of my dreams, without a doubt in my heart, that I¡¯ll be his forever. End of the trilogy - the following chapters are fan voted bonus scenes from Jake''s perspective. Chapter 269 Chapter 269 These chapters are bonus chapters from Jake¡¯s perspective. Earlier scenes which were chosen by fans. The Carrero Effect ~ The First Meeting ~ Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of therge mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar ck and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake¡¯s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman¡¯s idea of a fantasy male. Which guy wouldn¡¯t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah. He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he had just looked like a menacing street thug and was met with serious res from Mamma Carrero. He caught sight of the girl in the mirror, trying to catch his eye from the bed. She was lounging sexily and letting the bed sheets slide down her naked body in a bid to lure him back in. Jake just frowned at the effort and went back to getting ready for work. He¡¯d had enough ytime thesest two weeks, and she was already boring him. This one was his most recent fuck buddy, long legs, a little too skinny for his liking, and surprisingly in faced after all that muck was wiped off. Another supermodel who was obsessed with dinner parties where she only consumed lettuce and had her face in hisp at the click of his fingers. Nothing remarkable, boringly predictable and zero conversation in that head. He didn¡¯t know why he kept falling into the trap of dating the same types over and over. ¡°I¡¯m feeling energetic still ¡­ if you¡¯re game?¡± She tried for husky-voiced and just irritated him. Sliding his jacket over his crisp shirt and adjusting the cuffs without looking at her once, he continued with the task of getting ready. Jefferson would be waiting with the car now and he had to go. Back to reality and back to running his part of the family empire. ¡°Nora will feed you, see yourself out.¡± He smirked back at her and felt a tad guilty about the look of sheer disappointment on her face. Just a tad. He stopped caring the second he lifted his shades, slid them on his head, and made his way out of the door. He was greeted by Nora in the open-n lounge, wielding a hoover and smiling gracefully, his heart warming a little at the maternal, little widow who kept his apartment for him. He smiled genuinely. ¡°Can you make sure ¡­ Umm.¡± Fuck, what was her name? Trisha? Tracey? Shit, I¡¯ve been sleeping with her for almost a week and I still can¡¯t remember the damn thing. I¡¯m such an asshole. ¡°Tiffany?¡± Nora blinked at him and he smiled, feeling more uneasy at his mind nk. He knew it just made him look like a dickhead, and he didn¡¯t like Nora thinking that way about him. The woman was like a second mother and her opinion mattered. ¡°Yeah, her. Could you make sure she gets fed and see that she¡¯s taken home?¡± He smiled again and headed toward the kitchen where he grabbed the coffee she had waiting for him in a steel travel mug. He was runningte, and she obviously knew it. Best housekeeper on Earth, she deserved another raise. ¡°Arrick?¡± He turned back to her with a raised eyebrow and then dismissed the question as his brother sauntered from the direction of his guest rooms. ¡°Hurry up, man, I¡¯m alreadyte. Margo will have my guts today, she¡¯s all in a tizzy about my new PA.¡± Arrick just yawned and ran a hand casually through his sandy hair carelessly. His brother was fairer, but had his dad¡¯s dark eyes and sallow skin, while Jake had inherited his mother¡¯s dark hair and green eyes, and he guessed her looks, seeing as he had been voted New York¡¯s hottest bachelor the second year in a row. He never saw the simrity to his brother, but people always said it was there. ¡°Shut up, I¡¯m hungover fromst night. You¡¯re lucky I¡¯m even upright, and how the hell do you look so fucking normal?¡± Arrick was irritable today,st night had been a hell of a party and they had hit the booze a little too hard. Jake was almost immune to hangovers nowadays, years of hitting it hard had given him a more steel constitution than his baby brother. He needed to get him worked up to that now he was almost legal drinking age. He had a reputation to follow and if he was going to keep up with Jake¡¯s friends, he better get up to speed with alcohol tolerance. ¡°You ready to shift?¡± Jake pushed his brother on the shoulder as he passed him to get him moving faster, he was already restless about being away from work for a couple weeks. He had no idea how much he had missed or what was needed to catch up today. He wasn¡¯t so sure anymore that snowboarding and base jumping in between blow out parties had been such a good idea when he had so muching up. He didn¡¯t feel any more rested than when he had taken off with his brother and best mate in tow. In fact, he maybe should have cut the fun a day early and actually got some real sleep. Last night was ate drunken return and then a lot of sex before his rm assaulted him way too early. A shower had barely straightened him out. He shook himself mentally and followed Arrick out through the main door to the corridor where his head of security was waiting with his bag. Mathews looked like a George Clooney of sorts with an air of Jason Statham; the man was scarily efficient. Jake took the bag being held out to him, he wasn¡¯t much of a briefcase kind of guy so had a leather messenger bag instead. ¡°Here you go, sir. All the files arrivedst night per your request.¡± He smiled a thanks at the older man and patted his shoulder before taking a mouthful of coffee. A slight stirring of nausea in his stomach at the first non-alcoholic liquid to hit it in forty-eight hours. Not a good idea at all. Arrick was practically tripping over his own feet and holding his head. Jake swiped off his shades and propped them on his brother¡¯s nose; poor guy would not be any better hitting the New York sunlight in a few minutes, and he felt guilty about his suffering. Jake had goaded him into a drinkingpetition, knowing only too well he would beat him hands down. The baby boy had to learn to man up with the rest of them if he was going to survive in his circle of friends. ¡°Thanks.¡± He finally managed after swallowing down probably the worst thing to drink when his guts were fragile. Nora¡¯s coffee was enough to put hairs on a man¡¯s chest. Jesus! With the bag secured over his shoulder, he hauled out the first file and sauntered into the elevator. ¡°Work already? You have issues,¡± Arrick mumbled from the corner he was slumped into, and Jake could only shake his head at him and smile. This was the futurepetition in his father¡¯spany? He needed to get Arrick toughened up.Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°No. Margo sent this over. My new PA¡¯spany record and resume. She wants me up to speed with whoever she is before I meet her today. Apparently, she has high hopes that this is the one I¡¯ve been looking for.¡± Chapter 270 Chapter 270 Floor sixty-five of the Carrero corporation¡ªExecutive house. Lexington Avenue, Mid-town Manhattan. Walking through the building with a brother who was looking decidedly pale with nausea with his ever- present bodyguard, courtesy of his father, Jake felt that familiar ease move back in. The ease of being back in his own building and in control. This was where he excelled in life. This right here, a building apart from his father¡¯s and it was his domain, all business conducted herein was nothing much to do with Giovanni Carrero, just the way he liked it. Jake ran the sports side of thepany while Giovanni lorded over the hotels. The grooming line hade to Jake seeing as his face was all over it and he had a million tiny smaller sidelines all being run through Carrero House. His father had his darker dealings, and sometimes borderline illegal mafia shit, going on and he wanted no part in the old family ties. He¡¯d convinced Arrick to start taking an interest in his side of things; he wanted him working alongside him rather than being pulled into Carrero Tower with the old man. The further he could keep Arrick away from the people his father knew, the better. Besides, Arrick had a good business brain, much like Jake¡¯s, and he could be useful in a couple of mergers and acquisitions lined up in the near future. Jake ignored the constant flow of female swoons and smiles aimed their way, not so big-headed he didn¡¯t realize his brother was getting attention now he was getting older. Not that he cared, Arrick would soon find out how boring the female attention could get. Hell, the guy was obviously a looker, they shared DNA after all. He stifled a yawn in the elevator and shoulder punched Arrick to wake him up a little, his brother¡¯s obvious fatigue was affecting him a little too much, and he needed to look like he was in control. Arrick was still almost slumped in a ball and Jake leaned out and pushed his shades back, slotting them back on top of Arrick¡¯s head carelessly. ¡°Fuck off,¡± his brother mumbled under his breath, and the security guard just red Jake¡¯s way. Jake red right back, aggression prickling instantly to put him in his ce. No paid heavy of his father¡¯s was going to try to lord over his rtionship with his kid brother. He was sure he could take him, even in here. The guy was about five-foot-eight max and looked like he could only bench press half of what Jake did. Besides, Jake had years of cage fighting and mixed martial arts training under his belt, he would give it a go even if the guy was ex-military. With the hot Carrero temper of his, he was sure it wouldn¡¯t take much, just another disapproving look his way. ¡°Get up, dickhead, we¡¯re here.¡± He was a little too snippy with Arrick and threw him an apologetic frown, his own hangover was there even if it didn¡¯t have the magnitude of Arrick¡¯s and he was feeling rougher than normal. He should have had the sense to killst night¡¯s ns, he was sure as hell regretting it now. Who was he kidding? A night of craziness, lots of booze, a blow job in his car from that feisty red-head, and a night of hot and heavy sex back home with Trisha ¡­ Trudy ¡­ Fuck! Was not something he ever bypassed. Margo swept out into the foyer in a heavy cloud of Chanel No 9 as soon as the elevator doors opened, like a breath of fresh air, ever-ready with her professional smile and attractive body wrapped in Christian Dior tailoring. She had served him well for years and was the temple of cool and efficient he was looking for in a new assistant. He needed a new Margo to rece her or this was just never going to work in the long run. Previous temporary assistants had either been useless or tried like crazy to fuck him, and he didn¡¯t ever cross work with y. He knew what he was looking for and he hoped to hell she was right with this one, he was in no mood for another repeat of Gloria. That chick had stripped naked in his office and tried to entice him with some oral before being handed her resume and a swift shove out his door. He was maybe a loose sex mad yboy outside of these four walls but inside was a whole other level of y. Jake was serious in business and serious about never crossing that line. He smiled back at Margo, his right-hand woman and slid her arm in his affectionately, Arrick humphing and trailing behind with asshole, soldier boy in tow. All sorts of grumbles andints going on behind them. Arrick was going to be pointless here today, and Jake wondered if sending him home might be a better idea. ¡°You look particrly suave today, Jake, a little tired though.¡± She smiled at him in that motherly way she used in private moments, fixing his cor over his jacket and tutting at hisck of tie. He rolled his eyes as she shook her head. ¡°You know they make me feel like I¡¯m being slowly choked.¡± Jake maneuvered her beside him once more and removed her fiddling hand from hispel. She was being a little too OCD about his appearance this morning, and he wondered if he looked especially rough. He was feeling uncharacteristically so. ¡°She¡¯s lovely, you''llpletely adore her. You want your run through as we walk in?¡± Margo smiled at him adoringly and despite the urge toy his head on the floor and take a five-minute nap, he nodded instead. Okay, this crap was seriously starting to catch up on him, maybe he was getting too old for behaving like a rock star. Twenty-eight wasn¡¯t that old but today he felt ten years older. God, he needed sleep. He caught sight of a tawny blonde head over Margo¡¯s shoulder, sitting down as they passed the outer desk, a mere glimpse of the recement as Margo was standing in between them. He was caught by the interesting honey-blonde hair color, anyway; none of that bottled white-blonde crap of all his father¡¯s employees. This one looked natural which was rare in this building. In fact, it was rare in his circle. Most girls opted for fakery as soon as they were old enough to hold a makeup brush and a padded bra. He had no idea why that thought hit him as he sauntered through to his own office via Margo¡¯s open- n one, women and their guises were not things he ever pondered. If they looked fuckable, and gave him a hard-on, then that was good enough for him. PA, remember? No-go ¡­ No fucking. He mentally shook the thought out of his head and aimed for his desk as soon as they were inside. Margo had been talking nonstop about what he had missed, but he hadpletely zoned out on her and hadn¡¯t heard a thing. He felt irritated at himself suddenly. Shit. When did he ever do that? What the fuck was he doing? Oh yeah, staring at some chick¡¯s fucking hair and having an internal debate on it. Get a grip, Carrero, this hangover is messing with your head. Arrick slumped into the low couch under the naked lesbian painting done by Hunter¡¯s cousin. He wasn¡¯t that enamored with it, but the fifty grand he¡¯d paid to give the guy a helping hand meant he had to hang it somewhere. He sure as hell didn¡¯t want it at home and no one really ventured in here much except Margo and now this new girl. The New York skyline was getting an unobstructed view of tits and ass, anyway. His phone vibrated in his inner jacket pocket and he pulled it out, still practically ignoring Margo as she read from a clipboard. All he could hear was ¡°meeting¡± wyers¡± and something about contracts. This was not him at all and he was starting to realize fighting it was futile, soon as this was done he was closing the door and taking a nap. Arrick looked ready to do the same and he could move the hell over on that couch. Soldier boy could guard the sleeping duo if he had nothing better to do. ¡°Shall I get her?¡± Margo blinked his way as he focused on his phone, he waved a hand, and smiled as if to say sure. Let¡¯s see what the honey-blonde was like. He sure could use some focus today and meeting his new assistant might be that. He had scoured her file on the way over here and on paper she sounded a little too good to be true. Career girl, smart, no rumors swirling about sexual favors to climb the ranks; young and unattached, so ripe for trips anytime he needed them. She sounded promising. ¡°Emma, pleasee into Mr. Carrero¡¯s office. Thank you.¡± Margo was leaning over his desk and pressing the inte to summon his future number two, meanwhile, he was reading the text from the chick with the elusive name, wondering how the hell he could see the same girl for a week and not have saved her phone number under an actual name. He¡¯d saved it as T.This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. Chapter 271 Chapter 271 Fuck¡¯s sake, Carrero. The name Emma swam in his mind¡¯s eye and he found himself sounding it out, he liked it. Short and sort of soft, in a way. Easy to remember. Do you want to see me tonight? I really like being with you xxx T. ¡°Yes, Mrs. Drake.¡± The voiceing back from the inte distracted him from replying momentarily; sultry and sort of cute, if he had to describe it and hepletely forgot what he was about to respond to T. He definitely had some sort of internal reaction to the sound of her and that wasn¡¯t an entirely good thing. Frowning it away, he focused back on his phone and typed out a response, this one had already met the limit of interest, a week quicker than most and the thought of fucking her again did nothing for him all of a sudden. Look, sweetheart, it¡¯s been fun. Let¡¯s part as friends and just agree to see each other around. x J He knew cutting them loose before things got emotional was the best bet and this one had clingy written all over her. He didn¡¯t do rtionships, and he certainly didn¡¯t keep the same chick hanging on for weeks on end. ¡°Ah, Emma, here you are.¡± Margo purred with a voiceced in adoration, this girl obviously had his second inmand wrapped around her little finger already, which was unusual for Margo. The woman didn¡¯t sway easily. Pushing his phone back into his inner pocket and ignoring the buzz of a reply from T, he inclined his head a little in interest at whoever was obviously winning over his assistant and his body paused. ck, sexy-as-hell stilettos running up creamy, shapely legs to a tight and figure-hugging skirt, from knee to thigh had him almost dropping his mouth open. She wasn¡¯t skinny in that gaunt, supermodel way, she wasn¡¯t even that tall, but she had the kind of curves that were made for holding onto and definitely his kind of thing. She was pretty tiny as women went, but that only added to the whole effect. Moving further up past that well fitted and obviously expensive tailored jacket he caught his breath on the most astounding pair of tits he had ever seen. Not overly huge, just soft and inviting and barely concealed under the low-cut jacket and soft silk blouse. Not much on show, but enough to pique his interest. If he was being honest, then a hell of a lot more interest than he had managed to conjure for any girl in a heck of a long time and that was disturbing. If he had met her anywhere else but here, she wouldn¡¯t still be dressed right now. A graceful creamy neck that looked seriously touchable and he could imagine holding her around it to push her against a wall and devouring that skin. His eyes swept finally to the face that was turned toward Margo, only a profile but a damned perfect one at that and Jake just couldn¡¯t seem to think anymore for a moment. Fuck. ¡°Jake, this is Emma Anderson. She¡¯s your new assistant in training. Your new number two.¡± Margo smiled his way, and he realized he was staring; she hadn¡¯t caught him yet and she sure as hell wouldn¡¯t. He wasn¡¯t some prepubescent teen with zero skills. Looking down at the floor he could already feel himself instinctively taking calming breaths, regainingposure quickly with all the skill of a seasoned Lothario. Okay, you¡¯re just horny ¡­ Obviously! And she¡¯s just not your usual type. New and exciting and you have been bored with the likes of women with forgettable names and no titstely. ¡°Miss Anderson.¡± Jake got up slowly, tensing his neck from side to side, and extending his hand out toward her politely, trying like hell to not react as that face turned his way. She pretty much floored him with the biggest, softest, blue eyes he¡¯d ever seen. An internal sort of gut-punching reaction he had never experienced in his life and had no idea what to do with. It momentarily stunned him. She had a soft pouting mouth that could do a lot of damage if put to use in the right way and delicate, almost childlike, features that somehow worked in a mature face. There was very precisely and expertly applied subtle makeup under a sleek updo of soft hair, yet you could still see the girl was pretty. God, he would go as far as saying this one was beautiful, and that was rareing from him. He had seen and bedded enough models over the years to stop being pulled in by symmetrical features and so-called perfection. She was beautiful in another way entirely, not in a fluffed and preened attractive but a real unapologetic, born to make men want her kind of way. Jake felt suddenly ufortable and let his eyes flicker back to that body, hoping to God he wasn¡¯t showing just how much she was affecting him. Her hand felt soft and small in his when she took it to shake, a little too fragile when dwarfed in his and he suddenly got the impression he might hurt her. A tense moment of doubt and he loosened his grip instinctively. Little delicate hands, perfect pastel manicured nails, free from any jewelry. He found himself looking at her hand a little too intensely and let it go abruptly. What the fuck, Jake? Seriously? Hand fetish now? ¡°Mr. Car¡ª¡± That voice distracted him again, drawing attention to that mouth. She had a soft, sultry tone to her voice. Huskiness in the depths yet youthful and girlish. Fuck. ¡°Jake! Please.¡± He cut in quickly, to try to get his focus back on track, his brain moving in smoothly from years of self-control and practice to save him from himself. ¡°Margo informs me she¡¯s happy with you so far and will be training you a little more extensively in time to step in fully when she retires. I guess that means we should get better acquainted on a first name basis.¡± Jake smiled involuntarily at the hint of knowing her better, his mind immediately dragging her to his desk and most definitely not being allowed to take it any further. He needed to get control of the raging hormones and ept that she was obviously fuckable. He wanted her, she was piquing some primal interest in him and as soon as he epted that and got over the fact he would never go there, they could move along. ¡°I¡¯m really grateful for the opportunity.¡± She drew him back in with that voice, and he couldn¡¯t help but notice she wasn¡¯t reacting to him the way women normally did. He had been too caught up in what she was doing to him to notice and, now he did, it irked him. What the hell was wrong with him? Why wasn¡¯t she flirting and pouting, it was obvious that there was chemistry. He could feel it in the air. He realized that maybe all that chemistry was possibly one-sided, and irritation hit him hard in the gut. He couldn¡¯t even remember thest time he had met such indifference in someone so appealing; maybe Le when she was like seven, but not any women he¡¯d met since his teen hormones evaporated and he¡¯d filled out and learned to use what God gave him. He needed to get his crap together and just stop whatever this was; he needed a moment to breathe because those baby blue eyes staring into his soul right now were distracting the shit out of him in all kinds of ways. ¡°Would you like a drink, Emma? You look a little flushed.¡± That tiny pink spot high on each cheek after he had shaken her hand seemed to be more from being ufortable about him touching her than any sexual yearnings, and he was feeling really pissed about it. He had no idea why he was being such an asshole about this. Acting like a spoiled, prissy, brat because a girl didn¡¯t fall for his charms. Maybe because this waspletely fucking new to him. Belongs to N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved. ¡°Thank you.¡± She smiled a little, a hint of one and he paused for a moment. It wasn¡¯t full on, but it suggested that she probably had a pretty smile too, the way her cheeks puffed a little and her eyes softened just slightly from doe-eyed to a little more carefree. It did all kinds of weird crap to his insides, and he had no idea what was going on with him today. He was never drinking that lethalbo of crap he hadst night again. Fuck, he wanted to see her smile properly. Jake caught sight of Arrick watching him from the corner of his eye, an obvious smirk and that annoying goddamn phone app game he loved to y, ring away in the corner. He wanted to throw something at his head for the way he was looking highly amused at his expense. No one knew Jake like he did, and he could obviously tell something was off. Lap it up, princess, it¡¯s not often I get knocked off my game and you¡¯re never going to get a repeat. Chapter 272 Chapter 272 Jake walked to the minibar and found himself mixing up one of Le¡¯s cocktails as he looked down at what he was doing, stupefied for a moment. Literally no idea how getting her a ss of water had turned to this in his head. The only thing he could think was that he was subconsciously trying to impress her, or on some deeper level had decided she simply wasn¡¯t a girl you gave water to. She was somehow much ssier than ice water. Maybe it had been that heady, fruity, slightly sweet perfume clinging around her that had made him move to start fixing one of Le¡¯s girlybos for her. He literally had no idea what he was doing anymore. Downing a quick gin to get his head straight, he took back the drink to the awaiting distraction. Margo was regarding him with a really odd expression, probably wondering why the hell he was trying to get his new PA drunk if the clinking of bottles was anything to go by. Be damned if he had a fucking clue. He was acting all kinds of crazy. ¡°Here you go.¡± She lookedpletely lost in thought, and he feltpletely out of his depth. He was a guy who had no problems with being in thepany of the fairer sex, yet he was acting like an idiot. He decided to perch on his desk, put some distance between them and put all of this down to still being half drunk and crazily horny fromst night. He dated women twice her height; confident, boring models, and women with their own money. Women who knew what causal sex and having a good time was all about and he knew how to read women effortlessly¡ªuntil this one. She was tightly closed andpletely unreadable, no hint of anything at all. No signs of interest, in fact, theplete opposite and her mannerisms and movements were so precisely graceful and swan- like, he felt he was the one being scrutinized for a job. He figured this was the problem right here. She made him ufortable because he had no way of knowing how to y her at all. And ying woman in all sorts of games was pretty much his forte. ¡°Thank you, Mr. ¡­ Jake.¡± She looked at him for a second and again he got that stomach jerk reaction he was seriously starting to dislike. He needed to distract himself, maybe stop acting like aplete moron and remember he was her boss. He was versed in the art of conversation, and he just needed to get some sort of professional rtionship set in his mind and push this nonsense out. She sipped her drink, and he caught the slight hint of confusion about the fact it was loaded with alcohol. He could only look at the floor,pletely nonplussed about that too. He had nothing. ¡°So, Emma? Margot tells me you¡¯ve worked here for just over five years?¡± His mind gazed back to her file,ingpletely clear in his head. He could focus on what he had read and quiz her a little. His photographic memory served some purpose anyway. It was better than undressing her mentally. ¡°Yes, I¡¯ve worked on various floors, but mainly tenth.¡± She ced her ss on the table and Jake immediately wondered if she disliked it, if maybe he should fix her something else, and then stopped himself. Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? This isn¡¯t a date in which you need to please her ¡­ She¡¯s here to impress you as your next goddamn assistant. He was seriously starting to get annoyed with himself. ¡°You were Jack Dawson¡¯s assistant for a while?¡± He frowned trying so hard to focus on what he was meant to be doing, business head being screwed on firmly and the calming of hormones with a seriously stern hand. ¡°Yes, Mr. Dawson.¡± He watched her forced smile and got the strong impression she hated Dawson but was too polite to say it. He wondered what the guy had done to deserve that kind of dislike and hoped to hell he avoided doing the same thing. Maybe leering at her and thinking about bending her over his desk wasn¡¯t exactly going about warming her to him in the right way. If Dawson, the creep, had been openly ogling her then he could pretty much assure he wouldn¡¯t be caught doing the same, Dawson was known for making women feel ufortable. He felt a sense of confusion at the irritation thinking of Dawson openly eye raping her gave him. Girls like Emma were ssier than the intentions of some sleazy fuck who thought he had a given right to heavy breathe over them. ¡°It was Miss Keith who rmended you for this position, I believe?¡± He tried to bring his head back into the game, the sudden urge to find a reason to fire Dawsonpletely at odds with him today. He was obviously grouchy fromck of sleep and should wrap this up, let her go, and get down on that couch beside his annoyingly watchful brother until noon. He was acting all kinds of crazy in here right now and he was sure some shut-eye would sort him right out. ¡°Yes. I loved working for her while her own assistant was on leave, she was very easy to attend to and I learned a lot.¡± Jake felt the inability to breathe hit him hard when she smiled unexpectedly, a genuine warmth at the mention of Kay. He had been watching her and waiting without even realizing he was doing it, and it had been worth it. Her whole face lit up, and he had the urge to smile back. He had been wrong about her smile being pretty, it was goddamn mesmerizing. He could watch her smile that way all day and just get lost in how soft it made her whole face, or the way her palest blue eyes turned a hint warmer. You¡¯re being incredibly fucking female right now ¡­ Next, you¡¯ll be spouting goddamn poetry, Carrero. ¡°She spoke highly of your efficiency and professionalism. It¡¯s rare for Kay to make an internal rmendation for a position like this.¡± Goodeback, he almost patted himself on the back. He had to just pull this off and go to sleep. ¡°Thank you.¡± He couldn¡¯t tear his eyes off the smile that came out at him once more. ¡°Well, so far I¡¯ve found her to be a joy. Efficient and capable with a good understanding of the business. Don¡¯t think it will take long to get her up to speed with her requirements,¡± Margo said, saving the odd silence with a very weird look thrown his way, even she was picking up on his odd behavior and this was not going well. Jake suddenly saw the funny side to this whole scenario, being the one panting and getting heated over a woman for a change, instead of vice versa. This is why he was falling to bits. This never happened, and it waspletely throwing him off kilter. He was having the tables turned and had most likely met a female version of himself. It exined the indifference she was exuding, he just had to look at her to know men fell at her feet effortlessly, and she was probably as bored of it as he was. They were going to get along just fine if he could notch down the need to screw her a little. ¡°d to hear it. So, Emma? How has it been so far? Learning the ropes of life on the sixty-fifth floor?¡± He felt better at figuring this out, this weirdness, and suddenly all his good humor was back on form. Rxing back and feeling more than a little amused at seeing how it felt from the other side for once. Reassured that he wasn¡¯t having some weird mental breakdown or had been put under some crazy female spell. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°A breeze.¡± He couldn¡¯t help but admire her coolness, and effortless grace. ¡°Nothing I can¡¯t handle so far.¡± ¡°Has Margo warned you about the frequent traveling you might be required to undertake or the unsociable hours we sometimes keep? This job can be really full on, Miss Anderson. It¡¯s not for the faint hearted.¡± The thought of spending many an hour locked in hotel suites with her suddenly had him frowning at how hard that might prove to be. He would have toy off the booze on trips and reel back the charm a little to keep on top of this little debacle. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m aware that this is not a nine-to-five job, Mr. Carrero. I¡¯m fullymitted to my career so it will not be an issue.¡± That defiant little chin lift had him almost instantly snapping back to what she would look like bent over his desk with that skirt pulled up and those shoes ¡­ Enough! ¡°You¡¯re young ¡­ What about a social life?¡± He frowned even harder, chastising himself, and giving the inner third degree to that over-sexed, over-creative, mind of his. ¡°I haven¡¯t much interest in many social activities ¡­ I left my home town toe to New York and I don¡¯t know many people outside of work.¡± She seemed to hesitate with her answer, a flicker of something he couldn¡¯t read. Damn, it annoyed him that he couldn¡¯t read her at all. This was probably another part of why he was feeling so frustrated. He was amazing at reading people and second- guessing them. It was one of his most used and highly gifted skills. Chapter 273 Chapter 273 But her? She was aplete enigma. ¡°Career oriented? Can be lonely.¡± He felt stiff and ufortable and tried to release the tension in his body by moving his shoulders, his seat on the edge of his desk wasn¡¯t asfy as hisid-back posture suggested and he was barely keeping himself still. Too much nervous energy running riot. ¡°I¡¯m never lonely, Mr. Carrero ¡­ I¡¯m an independent sort of person who doesn¡¯t need assurances or company from other people to be happy.¡± He stopped and regarded her answer, momentarily quietened again. He wondered if that meant there was no boyfriend lurking in the background and felt slightly happy at that thought. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Oh, Emma, that¡¯s not the way a young girl like you should live her life,¡± said Margo warmly. ¡°You¡¯re so pretty ¡­ You should have young men romancing you around New York.¡± Margo leaned out, touching the girl, and Jake could only frown, he didn¡¯t like Margo¡¯s suggestion at all. ¡°Sounds like you¡¯re trying to talk her out of stealing your job, Margo.¡± Heughed, mostly at himself for his stupid reactions or wherever his goddamn head was. He sure as hell didn¡¯t want to be romancing her around New York either. He didn¡¯t do romance¡ªever! He didn¡¯t do any sort of long-term thing and knew his capabilities were to fuck and forget. That¡¯s why he couldn¡¯t go down this route with her, he needed a PA to rece Margo and he needed one now. Margo was itching to let go of the reins and as she had handpicked this one, it put all question of anything else far out the window. He would just have to get used to the idea that Emma was out of bounds for eternity and maybe he should start looking to small curvy blondish girls to distract him for a while. His body certainly piqued an interest in that direction ever since she¡¯d walked through his door. ¡°No. Emma knows I value her here. I think she¡¯s a perfect fit.¡± Margo turned to Emma, an obvious show of affection on her face that only strengthened Jake¡¯s mindset. ¡°Not too sure how much you¡¯ll like it once Jake starts running you ragged, mind you.¡± She winked at her and ced a hand on him. Jake knew Margo too well. It was a warning gesture ¡­ A Margo special. She¡¯d been reading his body language, knowing Jake was normally far more rxed than this¡ªshe was telling him no! ¡°I¡¯m sure I can handle the demands.¡± Emma lifted that chin again, and he found himself sighing softly in defeat. It was for the best if he just put this chick on the ¡°No-go¡± list. ¡°Despite Jake¡¯s public yboy reputation, Emma, I¡¯m afraid he¡¯s a bit of a workaholic ¡­ Surprising I know, but you¡¯ll get used to it, you¡¯ll certainly rake up enough air miles in the next few months.¡± Margo smiled Jake¡¯s way and with a knowing look and a very forceful pat on his arm, he took his visual telling off graciously. Out of bounds, eyes off! He damn well knows it without your insistence, Margo! ¡°You¡¯ll soon get fed up with seeing the world,¡± he said, but couldn¡¯t get that stupid frown off his face, the urge to re at Margo for reading him a little too well. ¡°And the inside of hotel rooms.¡± Yeah, hell, he wanted to throw that in there, just for the reaction. See if she waspletely immune to being in a bedroom with him, for his own amusement. ¡°I¡¯ve seen enough of those tost a lifetime.¡± Margo waved her hand and gave Jake that raised eyebrow look. He was being told off again, and she wasn¡¯t impressed with him right now; it seemed she was also ending this little introduction. ¡°Right, we have work to be getting on with ¡­ Emma, you¡¯re with me for now.¡± She gestured to the door behind Emma and waved her onward, with one more warning scowl his way, which only got her rewarded with a smirk. The girl smiled back again, only not the beautiful, real one of earlier, more of a relief that it was over, and Jake felt that tug of disappointment that she¡¯d been relieved to be getting away from him. Definitely out of bounds. ¡°To our working rtionship, Emma,¡± he said half-heartedly, trying to figure out how long it would take to get used to her in this ce and stop having a serious dog-humping reaction to her. He hoped it would be sooner rather thanter and he was already mentally going through his little ck book for a look-alike to quell the frustration. If he had a look-alike, he was pretty sure she wouldn¡¯t be so damn appealing right now. She turned to the door with Margo to leave and Jake almost groaned out loud, catching himself quickly as his eyes connected with possibly the most perfect ass in a tight gray skirt he had ever seen, his body most definitely reacted this time. The door was swiftly shut after they left, and he exhaled fully, unaware he had been holding his breath for a moment. That girl was going to be the death of him. He had always been an ass guy, and she had got the first perfect ten score he had ever given out. Standing up quickly to adjust his trousers, which had gotten too tight all of a sudden, he caught Arrick grinning at him. ¡°The fuck you smiling at?¡± he said in an irritated tone, his mind still following that ass out mentally, not impressed with his own stupid disy for thest God knows how long she was in here. ¡°You! Never seen the great Carrero unravel quite so magnificently in the face of a little girl.¡± Arrick got up and wandered to him casually, the same Carrero saunter as his. He shoved his brother¡¯s shoulder yfully. ¡°Fuck off, that was definitely no little girl ¡­ That was a born siren if I ever saw one. Work is about to get a lot fucking harder for me.¡± Jake slumped back down on the desk and pulled over her drink, smiling stupidly at the perfectly shaped mouth her lipstick had imprinted on the side and turned the ss so he could down it from the same spot she had touched. That¡¯s weird, Jake, fucking weird. ¡°Not my type, but I see the appeal; she¡¯s cute ¡­ I¡¯d say marriage material though, so definitely not worth your time.¡± Arrick shrugged nonchntly at him. He regarded his brother critically and frowned hard. How the hell he had got that much from her without barely looking her way once, he would never know. But Arrick did have his skills at reading people too; maybe the foggy lust haze had clouded his temporarily and Arrick seemedpletely unaffected. ¡°Fuck no ¡­ Marriage is definitely not on the table at all.¡± Jake put her ss back down on the table with an arrogant crack of the neck. Pushing all thoughts of that tiny little temptress out of his fuzzy brain. ¡°I need some goddamn sleep so I can get this head straight, lock the door, the couch is mine and I will fight you for it.¡± Chapter 274 Chapter 274 The Carrero Effect ~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~ Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they¡¯d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and getfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly rx. Maybe he needed a drink. He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn¡¯t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. She had been too alluring tonight, that dress had driven him crazy and dancing up close no longer felt safe anymore. He¡¯d made them leave for her sake as much as his own. It was getting to the point he could no longer trust himself not to try kissing her again whenever he was drunk. He wished he had a memory of Chicago, the night she said they had kissed. He wanted to know what it felt like to kiss that sexy pouted mouth fully. Not just a second of brushed lips but a real, deep and meaningful, kiss. He already knew that was an awful idea, she had this much of an effect on him now, a kiss would seal his fate. N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. Picking up the remote from his coffee table he hit the stereo control and his iTunes ylist came to life, and he turned it up to consume the entire apartment before he headed for his shower; peeling off the bow tie and jacket as he walked into his room. Smiling as lyrics from a song Emma had sent him followed through and he couldn¡¯t help thinking of those blue eyes and quick smile and feeling a hint of longing to have her here right now. God, he missed her already. The thought hit him in the stomach and he tried to ignore it. They had literally separated less than an hour ago toe home and he was being unbelievably pathetic. He knew he was bing too attached to her in ways that would make working impossible; always wanting her around and it bothered him because he could tell she didn¡¯t feel the same way. He had tried to convince himself a million times that it was because they were more than work colleagues, they were friends. Real friends, maybe even best friends. He was pretty sure he told her more than anyone he knew and that counted for something. He needed to realize what they had was already special. She was too special to him to fuck this up with sex or one-sided emotions. That first kiss in the hotel had thrown him, had started all of this. He didn¡¯t fully understand all the feelings rted to it at the time but he sure as hell knew that it wasn¡¯t as tonic as he tried to tell himself. Emma had been shocked, non-responsive, and scared even, and as shit as it made him feel, he couldn¡¯t get the feel of her mouth out of his head. For a moment, he had kissed her, and it felt like nothing he had ever known before. His stomach had tingled, his heart rate elerated, and he had just be zoned-in on everything about her as though time had stood still. He had imprinted every single detail of that night to memory. Her smell, her hair, the way she felt, that goddamn nightdress that gued him and how it clung to her perfect body. Underneath all her tailored suits and precise clothing was a body made for seduction and she had him with one look. Since then things had only got worse, every touch, every look, every smile, only served to torture him. It was long past sex, even he could admit that to himself. Right now, just having a chance at another night wrapped up together in a bed would be enough. He never wanted to forget what sleeping beside her had felt like; he had done something he never did with a woman. He had wrapped her in his arms and kept her close all night, unable to set her free even if she wanted to. He had thought that fucker Vanquis had been the cause, but that was a lie. He would always hold her that way given the opportunity. She brought something out of him that he couldn¡¯t exin, a need to shield her and keep her close. He tried to shake her out of his head; something he was getting good at since employing her, but tonight she wouldn¡¯t budge. He was falling hard, and he had no way to stop it. Emma was everything he needed, and he hadn¡¯t even seen iting. That perfect, angelic face and soft voice, the tiny, perfect body that made him want to protect her always. Everything he learned about her as time went by made him all the more fiercely protective of her. She wasn¡¯t the girl she showed the world; she was so much more. A vulnerable, beautiful, perfection that men had tried to destroy, men he would kill with his bare hands given half a chance and wouldn¡¯t regret doing it. She was strong in a quiet, gentle way but she was also vulnerable and made him feel a hundred feet tall. He could still smell her perfume on his shirt from dancing with her tonight and still feel the way her body molded to his effortlessly. Looking down, he realized he still hadn¡¯t pulled any of his clothes off despite turning the shower on. Suddenly unwilling to be parted from the smell of her. Get a grip, man, you need to stop this shit. He stalked back to his bedroom from the en suite and sat down on the bed, his hand automatically swiping his phone out before his brain connected the dots. He wanted to talk to her, despite only just leaving her, he needed to reach out. Maybe if he did, then this feeling would shift, and he could go back to enjoying time home. Go back to trying to ept that this was never going to happen and actually get his life back. He hated how little control he had anymore, how much she had changed him, and how much he had let her. He didn¡¯t even drink or party as much anymore. Each time he got drunk he would call her with some lame ass excuse for drunkenly waking her at stupid o¡¯clock. Even before he knew what was happening to him, his drunk self had always wanted to speak to her at the most inappropriate times. He had calmed down so much of his lifestyle, just so he could be around her more, work more, no hangovers invading time spent around her. A part of him wanted to show her he was capable of being so much more than the reputation that hung over him. He liked being around her way more than he liked hanging out in a nightclub with Daniel nowadays. Jake Carrero, yboy billionaire heart breaker was fast losing that title. What are you doing? He texted her before sense stopped him. He rubbed his face and once again tried to evaluate what the hell he was doing. He had tried to y off theck of dates tonight, but the truth was he didn¡¯t want to see anyone else right now. Women had stopped appealing to him the more he got to know her, and casual sex had lost its sparkle. He got more from spending a day with her at work than hours fucking some pointless girl, and it was messing his head up badly. He should go out, get drunk with Danny, and fuck someone. Get rid of all this tension building up in him, he knew a lot of it was theck of sex. Staring at a sea of pointless clothes and wondering how I¡¯m going to wrestle Donna¡¯s gold card away from those itchy fingers. She replied quickly, a smile hitting him as soon as he saw her name on screen and that goofy sense of tion that made him snarl at himself. He sighed and frowned at the phone. All thoughts of sex with someone else dispersing. Jesus, he had no handle on this at all. Can Ie stare with you? He sent it before thinking and then cursed himself out for it. He was acting like some desperate teen with a crush. Breaking every rule known to mankind on the etiquette of ¡°tonic¡± friendships but he just wanted to be back with her. Jake, back off ¡­ Leave her be. What¡¯s the matter, Mr. Carrero? Are you lonely in your ivory tower without me? Her face swam in his mind¡¯s eye, that sexy little smile she gave when she was being yful. The innocent flirting, she probably wasn¡¯t even aware she did, in fact, he guaranteed she didn¡¯t. To her, he was just Jake, good old boss and friend, and everything between them was light-hearted and fun. Every warning rm in his brain was going off, telling him that for his own sanity he needed to just leave well alone, but his fingers were replying without any permission from him. Maybe. Chapter 275 Chapter 275 He could hardly admit that he was missing her crazily, pining like some love-sick fool over being apart for an hour. He knew he should be putting down the phone, turning it off, and heading straight out that door to the nearest bar with any of the guys he hung out with. He should be concentrating on finding a woman. Fuck it¡ªtwins, and fucking Emma out of his head. If you¡¯re that bored, how can I deny you my sparklingpany? Fuck. Walk away, Jake, stop! He knew this was stupid, working beside her was one thing, sharing hotels borderline, but actually going to hers socially after hours like this? Completely fucking stupid. He was blurring the lines of what they were more and more, the holiday idea was even more stupid but part of him couldn¡¯t let it go. He wanted to see her have fun, kick back with him around to look after her. He wanted to take her away, to the boat, to sun and sea, and he had to admit the thought of seeing her in a bikini had his blood pulsing. Are you home alone? If others were home, then it would be better, not just the two of them. He had never been into her apartment before, couldn¡¯t believe he was even considering it, but he was sure they would be in a smaller space than a hotel suite and most likely near her bed. He was trying so hard to tell himself that this is what friends did¡ªhung out after work¡ªbut he already knew it was ame excuse. He wanted her. Aren¡¯t I always? Fuck. I¡¯ll be there in 20 minutes. Why, Jake, why? He stared at his own reply for a moment and sighed. His mind and body always at war with how he was supposed to treat her nowadays. How could he be rational when his own head was acting like an idiot and throwing caution to the wind? He ran his hands through his hair, dropping his head between his knees and scratching his scalp slowly. He rolled his shoulders and tried to rationalize. His feet pulled him to his wardrobe while his head was still telling him to cancel, not just this but the boat trip. Emma had never shown any hint of wanting more, not even a ime fling. He wouldn¡¯t have done it even if she had. The one-night thing that was, he would happily give her more even if it scared him shitless. She was a girl you gave it all to, nothing less, and one night would never be enough for him. * * * He floored the pedal to the metal as he hit Queens, getting closer to her apartment made him impatient and his car liked being opened up on the straights. The thrill of a car with this much power meant it demanded a little release every so often. He loved his car almost as much as he loved the girl he was driving toward. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. Wait! What? Fuck ¡­ Did he just think that? Love? Getting to the apartment he remembered from bringing her here a year ago, he raced up the internal stairs two at a time, heart a little erratic still, from the adrenaline of flooring his sports car and getting here in record time. Trying not to think too hard about the love thing, he just pushed it back down. It was dumb and impulsive, and he hadn¡¯t really thought about that whole love thing; sure, he knew he had feelings for her, but love? He had no goddamn clue. He couldn¡¯t love Emma, she had never asked that of him and he had been pretty sure he was incapable of feeling that way, given the number of women who had tried to get it from him. The asshole boyfriend of her roommate let him in after a quick knock on the door and he couldn¡¯t help himself ring a little. He knew Emma didn¡¯t rate him highly for whatever reason and that was enough reason for him to dislike him too. He didn¡¯t say much, just a shrug and nodded toward a room down the hall which he assumed was Emma¡¯s, they both sort of grunted instead of conversed. Returning to caveman behavior was fine with him; if this asshole everid a finger on his girl he would happily caveman-style smash his skull in. Jake walked past him, towering over him by a few inches in height and most definitely out-muscling him. Jake was already sizing him up in his head for possible oues if he ever needed to get heavy- handed on this one; heading toward Emma¡¯s room and keeping an eye on the retreating idiot. The door was sitting open, all thoughts of her pushing away the asshole, and he slid into the space. Instantly assaulted by her enticing perfume and the girlishness of her bedroom. It was like suddenly stepping into Emma¡¯s head, a secret part of her, and he couldn¡¯t help but look around, a little overwhelmed. All soft grays and silvers, a cozy stylish boudoir of sorts, cuddly bears on the bed and a million cushions. Pictures on the wall of scenery, mainly New York skyline and some more tranquil ck and white stills. The room had a matureness to it, but the small soft touches, candles, trinkets, and sparkly things hinted at a girly-girl that she kept hidden from view. Jake felt like he was intruding suddenly, it was like seeing a part of her that even he hadn¡¯t seen. The romance book on the night stand surprised him. ¡°Hey.¡± He smiled and threw a thumb over his shoulder, indicating asshole¡¯s presence; he wanted to know if he had bothered her. She shook her head, but he could tell she wasn¡¯t rxed and it made him frown. If that dickhead had done or said anything he would literally kill him. Her face softening and that pretty smile calmed his aggression almost immediately, his eyes slid to the floor at the Everest of girls¡¯ things in a bid to avoid the way he wanted to stare at her mouth. He had never really got control of the staring thing when it came to her face, he had to stop himself doing it a hundred times a day. ¡°You weren¡¯t wrong ¡­ I think Donna has dressed you for a year.¡± He tried to turn his attention anywhere but Emma in jeans and a T-shirt. She looked like a college student and cuter than hell. He had seen her in various casual attire on long trips but being here, surrounded by her things, made it different somehow. Like she was letting him in on herpletely unguarded and rxed, seeing her in a new setting. She didn¡¯t even seem to find it weird that he was here at all, another hint at the fact she thought all of this was harmless. Friends¡ªthat¡¯s all she saw in this and that was a sobering thought. He sat down on the floor in front of the huge mountain of clothes a little guiltily. Jake sighed under his breath. He knew this, and he had to stop ignoring it. ¡°Whose fault is that? Mr. Oh, buy her an outfit for this, that, and the next thing, every time you see her.¡± Emma poked him yfully in the ribs and he curbed the urge to grab her hand and haul her into hisp. Lately, his hands-on approach was bing a little too hands-on. He had practically molested her out jogging in Seattle, too much of a pull to always touch her. He leaned back in a bid to stop himself from initiating yful pushes, she brought it out in him, just by being near. ¡°Maybe I should tell her to ask you when you need something from now on.¡± He held his hands up, trying to appear apologetic but Emma didn¡¯t need to know how many times a week he sent Donna pictures of dresses or clothes or even requests and told her Emma needed them. He had no idea what that was all about; women¡¯s fashion didn¡¯t interest him, but seeing Emma wearing expensive clothes made him happy. He didn¡¯t care if she never wore half of them, he just liked making sure she always had what she needed, and she always looked too beautiful for words. It was worth abusing the company credit ounts. ¡°That would be an idea,¡± Emma smirked, and he couldn¡¯t help but smile back, he loved when she tried to sass him. The girl who had once been so closed off and reserved hade out of her shell in the past few months, he had loved watching her bloom. He liked this version of her a lot more than the closed-off ice maiden of those first few weeks. ¡°Get rid of what you don¡¯t want.¡± He shrugged; he didn¡¯t care if she threw what she didn¡¯t like away, it was only money. He pulled a pale-pink dress from the pile that caught his interest and held it up to admire it but something else caught his eye before he really examined it. Chapter 276 Chapter 276 Lingerie. Much more interesting. He leaned in for it and winked Emma¡¯s way cheekily, damn sure he was getting an eyeful of that baby. He held up a corset type thing, allce and structure, and really wanted to not be picturing it on her right now, but his mind was making a good go of it. She whipped it out of his hands almost immediately and threw it off behind him toward a tall ss set of drawers with a hint of a blush. Not that he minded; his thoughts had definitely gone down the gutter, and that wasn¡¯t a good thing. ¡°Most of it still has tags, Jake, she should return them.¡± She sounded childlike and almost hopeless. Lifting clothes up in frustration at him. Jake raised an eyebrow her way at the cuteness of that statement. The money he had Donna spend on clothes for Emma was nothing in the grand scheme of things. ¡°Just give them away, Emma, they¡¯re already paid for.¡± He shrugged nonchntly, sometimes he forgot that she didn¡¯te from his world. She fitted in so effortlessly, so graceful, and never balked around grandeur. She really was fucking perfect. ¡°Jake, there¡¯s thousands of dors¡¯ worth of stuff here.¡± She sounded frustrated with him, but it only made him smile. She had no idea how cute she could be; one second all seductive and irresistible and the next childish and endearingly sweet, so much so it gave him the urge to squish her. Adorable was the only word he could conjure up for her sometimes. He had never been one to think any girl was that, but Emma sure was. ¡°And?¡± He just shrugged, he honestly didn¡¯t care. It was just money. ¡°So, I should just donate it? ¡­ What I don¡¯t need?¡± She asked sardonically, eyeing him up in her haughty PA way. She tried this look on him a hundred times a day, but it had zero effect. He found it entertaining that she could close down anyone in the building with a re, yet to him, it was just amusingly cute as fuck. ¡°They¡¯re your clothes, mio amore.¡± He shifted on the floor picking up another dress, this time having a closer look at it and looking at her as he tried to picture her in it. She threw him a disdainful look and started throwing items to the door for donating, a look on her face that almost said it was painful for her. Emma would need to get used to money if she was going to stick with him, he had no intention of seeing her live a life without it, even if she never saw him as anything more than a friend. He would always take care of her. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°You¡¯ve never worn this?¡± He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. It was pretty; somehow her. He wanted to see her wear it; red and floaty and short. Not too clingy yet romantic and something he had never seen her try. ¡°Nope.¡± Blunt and to the point, she barely looked its way, but he was determined now. She would look good in red, she had the fair hair and porcin skin to pull it off. Her blue eyes would make it perfection. ¡°Why not? It¡¯s nice, kind of cute, but sexy.¡± He held it up to get a better idea of the style and really tried to picture her in it. ¡°Where would I wear it?¡± She smiled his way a little unsure. ¡°Take it with us on our trip. Parade around on deck for me in it.¡± He put the dress on the bed to make sure it got kept with the clothes she was keeping, he wanted to see her in it more than anything. He wanted to see Emma dressed all girly and floaty and carefree. More than he wanted to see her in her underwear, whichpletely confused him. Was Carrero losing his edge? Libido wavering? Turning into a fucking woman? ¡°Just the two of us?¡± she asked him nervously and it distracted him, he couldn¡¯t help but feel the sunken weight at how nervous she seemed to be with that thought. ¡°Not if that makes you ufortable ¡­ I have friends we could invite; my father¡¯s boat has six double cabins if you want a crowd.¡± He tried to focus on the clothes on the floor rather than let her see that it disappointed him¡ªhe wanted her alone. Just the two of them, but he knew how disastrous that would be. ¡°Who would you invite?¡± She looked his way with a furrowed brow, cuteness personified, and he had to fight the urge to smooth it out with his thumb. ¡°Daniel, a couple of the guys I sometimes take trips with, and whoever they want with them ¡­ I was thinking Le Huntsberger, that way you could meet Sophie¡¯s new sister.¡± He tried for nonchnt and seemed to pull it off, picking names right from the top of his head. Le would like her, he could see them gelling and that made him happy. He wanted his friends to like her. Daniel had finally stopped leering her way whenever they crossed paths after more than a dozen death threats from him. ¡°So, they¡¯re going to be couples?¡± She looked scared suddenly and that familiar gut kick hit him. Fuck. Always a reminder of what they would never be. ¡°Really, Emma?¡± He sighed in irritation at the reality of this situation, annoyed and being an asshole. She hadn¡¯t done anything wrong. ¡°What do you think I¡¯m going to do? Try to seduce my PA because we¡¯re surrounded by couples and I¡¯m incapable of abstaining from sex? I may always be trying to chat you up but I¡¯m not an idiot. I know where the boundaries are, bambino.¡± Yeah, sure he did ¡­ He just chose to fucking forget them frequently. Asshole. ¡°No, it¡¯s just ¡­ it will be awkward.¡± She looked at the clothes and started pulling through them, obviously avoiding his eye. He sighed at making her feel this way. Softening his tone and trying to stop being a dickhead. ¡°Why?¡± he said softly. ¡°They might think we¡¯re ¡­¡± She hesitated and caught his eye. Jake tried to rx back and look completely nk. More than anything in the world he wanted her trust, but that spike of irritation still lingered inside of him though, peeking out. ¡°Who cares what they think? I don¡¯t give a shit what anyone thinks, Emma ¡­ I need a break and so do you. Stop overthinking and just agree. Besides, they¡¯re my friends, they¡¯ll know right away that we¡¯re not screwing.¡± He slid his hands behind his head, frowning at his own snarkiness and tried to shrug it off. It wasn¡¯t fair on her, his little mood swings because of his feelings for her. She never asked him to get hung up on her, and she sure as hell hadn¡¯t encouraged it in any way. He needed to stop and take a step back. Be friends, because if that¡¯s all she was offering then he wanted it. It was better than not knowing her at all. Life without Emma wasn¡¯t a life worth knowing. ¡°Okay, for God¡¯s sake.¡± She put her hands up in defeat, then looked shyly his way with the hint of a smile. ¡°Don¡¯tugh, Jake, but I don¡¯t own anything I could wear on a beach or a boat.¡± He couldn¡¯t help but smile back at her, at the irony. She really was beautiful. * * * Jake had pulled out all the stops to get the trip together in record time; once he had the idea in his head and knew she wanted it to happen he was all over it. A few calls here and there and a few nudges and everything was set. He had steam- rolled over her doubts, refusing to let her back down, and they had got there without any more arguments. His mind was set to seeing her in a bikini, not that he would be able to do anything about it, but still. It was a sight he wasn¡¯t passing up. That tense ache in his groin had only reminded him how badly he needed sextely. He wasn¡¯t a guy who had ever gone extended periods without and now here he was, starting to doubt his ability to rx. She would be walking around semi-naked and he was almost spring loaded like this. Fuck, he should have gone out in a glory of drink and fucking before this trip. * * * She seemedpletely in awe of his dad¡¯s cruiser. Jake had seen it a million times, so to him, it was nothing special. A long yacht, white like every other and sat in an idyllic port surrounded by blue sea and white sands. Just being surrounded by sun, friends, and her was enough to lift his mood tenfold. If he could push the lustful thoughts aside, they could have a really good time here. Chapter 277 Chapter 277 The crew was under orders to keep out of the way; he didn¡¯t want her feeling intimidated by them. He knew she wasn¡¯t someone who liked wealth being a showy thing, and he was damned if he was going to make her ufortable with anything while here. She had been forewarned that he was taking care of anything and everything, including shopping trips if she wanted them. He had felt like an ass as she had blinked at him, aching to argue but in this, his word was final. Date or not, he was old-fashioned, he paid for his girl. Even if he wasn¡¯t sleeping with her. His friends had all been forewarned to behave; no jokes about being his secretary or any of the men trying their luck. He would literally beat them to death with their own shoes if they tried. He hadn¡¯t exactly been happy to see Marissa in tow with Vincent. He had no idea what her fucking game was being on this boat, but he sure as hell wasn¡¯t being drawn into any little Marissa games. Vincent was an idiot, he should have known she would sucker one of the twins, they¡¯d always trawled along after her in hopes of a date. He hadn¡¯t seen her since the night he had stupidly got drunk and fucked her, not that he could remember. He had no clue how he had even ended up with her that night, he must have been royally messed up and if she thought there would ever be a repeat, she was wrong. He would throw her overboard if she got in his way. He was happy to ignore her presence, knowing it would annoy her more than having her escorted off. Emma need never know anything about her or who she ever was to him. It was history and nothing he would ever rehash. Daniel was keeping his distance, just like Jake had told him to. Emma wasn¡¯t one of his ythings, and he knew better than to cross Jake. There were six of them with Jake and Emma on the boat, he figured a crowd would give him more chance to get time alone with her than just another couple of people. With them were Daniel in all his tanned blond glory and the twins, Vincent and Richard, white-blond hair and gray eyes, all American good looks and square shoulders on all three. Le was wandering about on deck having some sort of bitchy ringpetition with Marissa and Miracle, Daniel¡¯s porn star, and this was thest thing he needed. At least Le wasn¡¯t being viperous to Hunter for once. Seemed things had finally cooled down with them after months of frosty res. Being in the same ce again without toxic warfare was pretty great. He would have to warn her about starting anything with either girl, not that he worried Le couldn¡¯t handle them, the exact opposite in fact. If Le flew off the handle, it would be an airlift to the coast ER for two females and Le wouldn¡¯t be one. He had bad memories of Le taking on some of Daniel¡¯s dates in the past and flying bottles. Jake had already had to deflect advances from the leggy porn star who, while topless, had tried to grapple him alone in the lower hall. Hands going for his groin. He wasn¡¯t immune; he was horny as hell, and she had managed to get her hand into his shorts while he had dodged her mouth. She was fuckable, but as soon as her hands had been on him all he could think about was Emma. He knew Daniel wouldn¡¯t care if he fucked Miracle down here; they had shared in the past, and all he needed to do was open a door and bend her over a bed; she was obviously game. He had pushed her off and told her to stay the fuck away; she wasn¡¯t what he wanted by a long shot. * * * Emma was up on deck when Jake came up from his room, he had been taking a shower in a bid to rx a little. His heart almost stopped when he saw her silhouetted against the railing in a coral bikini and some flimsy wrap around her hips that kept pping open to reveal long sexy legs. Even for a small girl, her legs looked endless. She was the most perfect sight on and off this boat and everything else paled inparison when she was around. Jake was oblivious to Miracle and Marissa¡¯s breasts lounging on deck, didn¡¯t see anything except Emma and herpletely intoxicating body, much more appealing even covered than either of the brtes. Creamy skin and curves of perfection. He was definitely horny as hell now, just looking at her made his insides want to explode. He wasn¡¯t one for self-pleasuring to get sexual gratification but right now, with her in mind, he would happily go back to his room for some release. It had only been a couple of days here and already his constant hard-on was painful. He had been taking cold showers a little too frequently. Why he had ever thought he could handle Emma in bikinis was beyond him. He should¡¯ve known it would be hell on earth to be around her and not want to fuck her badly. ¡°Here.¡± He handed her a bottle of cold, vored water with a smile, his eyes shielded from view by his Ray-Bans and trying to control every ounce of his body like the expert he was. Years of self-control finally having a use. He was watching that makeup free face and wondering why she ever wore it, she never needed it. Emma was a natural beauty by all standards, wless perfection. ¡°Thanks.¡± She opened the bottle with a smile and took a long drink. He had to look away from the way her lips cupped the rim. An internal groan in his head and trying not to picture that mouth doing anything else. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. Breathe, Carrero ¡­ You¡¯re like a horny fifteen-year-old virgin right now. ¡°You look nice.¡± He focused on her loose hair, his sses shielding what he was really thinking and trying not to skim her body visually. He needed to disrupt this view somehow and get his head back in the game. ¡°Thanks.¡± She blushed, and he felt himself frowning, suddenly conscious of the fact she had nced at his naked upper torso quickly. He was wearing shorts and nothing else and despite never having an issue stripping off in public he suddenly realized why this might be awkward for her. He was still her boss, and he had never been topless in front of her. Not that he was self-conscious in the slightest. He spent enough time in the gym to make sure he was underwear model ready at all times, and his tattoos were always ced in ces that enhanced what he had. He was never ufortable being naked, especially not in front of women. He felt like an ass for not even thinking that this whole thing might make her uneasy, especially with her background and the way men had treated her. Jake felt like a complete dickhead all of a sudden for not realizing. ¡°We¡¯re going to the shore tonight for dinner ¡­ You want toe?¡± He looked over her head across the water to try to reel in his thoughts, his mood plummeting a little. He had never wanted her to be nervous around him, especially not in this way. He had never thought that maybe Emma¡¯sck of dates this past year had something to do with sex making her uneasy, her childhood had scarred her. Of course, men made her uneasy. He made a mental note at wearing a shirt while walking about on deck, he would make all of them wear one if it made her feel better. ¡°Sure.¡± She smiled and shielded her eyes from the sun, and Jake swiped his shades from his head automatically and ced them on her dainty face. ¡°I really should carry a pair of these,¡± sheughed, that natural carefreeugh that lifted his mood back up a little, he just shrugged in response. Still mulling over the effect he was obviously having on her. It was like a punch in the stomach, a dull ache that wouldn¡¯t shift. ¡°They look better on you than they do on me. Your cuteness just goes with my shades.¡± Truth be told he never ever thought about putting them on her face, from the first time it had been a natural movement, like breathing. She had shielded her eyes, and he had done it. Something he had done to his kid brother his whole life and somehow, she raised that same protective impulse. ¡°Where are we going for dinner?¡± Emma seemed to be looking anywhere but his body and he only frowned harder. He wanted her to be able to stand here with no effect. Well, he wanted him to affect her in a good way but not like this. He wanted to wrap his arms around her right now and tell her it was always going to be okay. He would never let another man touch her, hurt her. He would protect her for eternity. She didn¡¯t need to be afraid ever again, it killed him knowing she still carried the burden of those memories. Chapter 278 Chapter 278 ¡°Some little seafood ce Marissa knows.¡± He tried to keep his tone even at saying her name. He usually avoided any use of the curse word and it felt like broken ss in his mouth. ¡°I want to get my haircut while we¡¯re here ¡­ Do you think there are any hairdressers on the maind?¡± Jake had the instant urge to tell her she didn¡¯t need to change her hair, he liked it the way it was so he looked away toward Le in hopes of hiding the frown on his face. He didn¡¯t like the thought of her changing anything about how she was. You couldn¡¯t improve on perfection. ¡°Le will know ¡­ Shees here a lot.¡± Jake nodded toward his childhood friend, hoping to God Le wouldn¡¯t push Emma into some radical hairdo; he knew her only too well. She was wandering around wearing a top, and for the first time he noticed the other two were not. Completely topless and he suddenly felt pissed. If topless men could make Emma uneasy, then that sure as hell would do it too, he wanted to throw towels over both of them. ¡°You know Marissa well?¡± Her voice broke into his thoughts and he felt himself freeze. He had never expected this question toe from her and thest thing he wanted her to know was anything about his past with Marissa. How the hell she had even picked up on anything was beyond him, he sure as hell wasn¡¯t putting out any signals where that harpy was concerned. ¡°Once.¡± He felt his pulse quicken and his head going into evasive mode. He didn¡¯t want to dredge up the past and admit he had been too blind to realize his teen girlfriend and best mate had been fucking behind his back and sent him into a few years of booze, drugs, idiotic behavior, and woman. He didn¡¯t want Emma knowing that part of him, or tying him to the bitch on deck. He wanted her to see him as he was now, the person he was with her anyway, the better version of himself. He found himself scowling Marissa¡¯s way with his back to Emma, Marissa caught his eye and, licking her lips seductively, she squirmed toward him. Even from here he could pick up her fuck me signals and he just scowled back. Not a chance, princess. ¡°Want toe for a swim with me?¡± He threw back at Emma. He wanted to get as far away from the slut eyeing him up and away from the topic about her. He needed time alone to help his girl rx. Away from all this naked skin. He turned back to her open expression and had the instant urge to stroke her hair back from her face. His sunsses did look good on her, a little big but adorably cute. ¡°Now?¡± She sounded apprehensive. ¡°Why not?¡± Jake smiled, hoping to make her feel more at ease. He needed to get her to unwind a little and he couldn¡¯t do that here, tense with a pair of eyes on the back of his head trying to undress him mentally. They needed to leave the past on the deck on her lounger and go find a secluded beach to roam. ¡°Sure.¡± She smiled brightly, and he could hear Daniel kicking the tunes into a higher gear, looking back to the deck he could see the tell-tale signs of cocaineing out, and he growled internally. He had fucking warned him against this shit while she was here. He didn¡¯t do this crap anymore, and he wasn¡¯t going to subject her to it either. He was d to see Le wander off deck, knowing she too was out of that whole scene. They had had their young, wild, and reckless days and left them far behind. Daniel needed to catch up. He noted that the twins and their dates seemed into it and put an arm around Emma¡¯s shoulders. Guiding her to the side, he waited until she undid her sarong and hung it up before diving in first to make sure he would be in the sea to help her if she needed him when she dove in. * * * Being away from them and in the water instantly lightened his mood, her being in here seemed to make her forget about being self-conscious or his naked torso and that made him happier. She smiled and rxed as they swam and before long he started yfully sshing and pulling her with him. She tried to dunk him under, but he was faster and got her first every time. She seemed to be a prettypetent swimmer, so Jake decided to have a little fun with her before swimming ashore. He had pulled her under with him a few times, enjoying the fact that in the water he could touch her freely without feeling like he was doing something wrong. ¡°Stop ¡­ it.¡± She spluttered to the surface, pleading with him and pushing back her wet hair from her eyes. She looked too cute like this to listen. ¡°Only if you ask me nicely, tiny tots.¡± He wiped the water from his face, pleased to feel his hair wax was withstanding the sea test. The newb improvements he had requested were obviously working and Carrero hair wax was now waterproof. He swam to her to close the gap, aware just how naked she really was when he was inches away from molding to her. ¡°Will you please stop trying to drown me, Mr. Carrero?¡± She begged, it only made him feel more yful. That adorable little soft voice asking so delicately¡ªshe had no chance. N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. ¡°Seeing as you ask so sweetly, Miss Anderson.¡± He pushed her under again, this time catching her under the water and pulled her back up against him hard. Nose to nose and it didn¡¯t seem so right anymore. It was closer than he intended, her body skimming against him in ways that got an immediate hard reaction and he released her quickly. He wasn¡¯t sure which part of her body had just rubbed up his groin, but it didn¡¯t matter, he was definitely battling down an erection with the efforts of a sumo wrestler right now. He hated that despite all his sexual prowess and years of being a man whore, he couldn¡¯t control this shit around her. It was fucking embarrassing. He swam away from her in an effort to get this under control and put distance between them. He hoped to God she could manage the half mile swim as holding onto her in any way right now would end in an impalement he didn¡¯t want to exin. The beach wasn¡¯t that far but it would be exhausting for someone as tiny as her. Jake slowed his pace to make sure he stayed close in case she struggled. He would never let her drown even if he did have to ram a hard-on against her back while rescuing her. He was d to find that by the time they hit the beach he had it back under control and mentally chastised himself about getting that close to her again while she was wearing practically nothing. He wandered ahead to let the water drip off and the sun warm and dry his skin in hopes her bikini wasn¡¯t showing more than he could handle right now. God, he needed sex badly. They wandered around on the beach for a while, the hot sand felt amazing and Jake couldn¡¯t help but watch her and those legs strolling around as she picked up shells. So lost in her own head about something, andpletely oblivious to him watching her intensely. She was breath-taking in every way, now that her nervousness about being in that pretty mind-blowing bikini seemed to be calming down, he just wanted to stand this way all day and see that little content look on her face. She made him feel all kinds of things right at that moment. Protective, warm, and happy, maybe even a little tug in his heart if he was being honest. He definitely felt horny but not in an overwhelming way like in the water, a moreid-back, gentle attraction. He could handle it this way; if only it would stay this constant. She stopped and nced his way, he could feel her eyes before he really saw them as he had taken a moment to wander the shore and breath in some of the surroundings to get his head straight. This was one of his favorite ces to kick back after all. Jake loved anything to do with the ocean and being in the great outdoors. He caught sight of her making her way toward him and turned to watch her walk, the way she moved had always captivated him, graceful, even, and swan-like. At first, she had seemed more stiffly in control over her motions, months ago, but over time she had rxed. Especially with the ice queen postures and now she was just elegant. Her little nervous habits bugged him though, he hated thinking she ever felt that uneasy around him and whenever he saw her twirling her hair, he wanted to cut her hands off. As soon as he saw those fidgeting fingers, he could never stop the impulsive need to still them. Chapter 279 Chapter 279 As soon as she was close enough, heced her tiny hand in his and tugged her with him. So many times, he had told himself to stop with the touching and hand holding he had started, but he couldn¡¯t. It was essential, like breathing and came so naturally with her now that it would be futile. He had started it to get her used to him, long ago when he had first taken her to meet Hunter, he hadn¡¯t liked the flinch at his touch, or the fear in those big baby blues. He had made a conscious decision to get her used to his touch if only to rx her and somehow it just grew to this. Holding hands was something he did constantly, pulling her along, hell, even taking her to business meetings. So many times had he caught strange looks from other receptionists that he was pulling his PA along and he would re back at them. He knew it wasn¡¯t normal, but Emma just assumed he was this way with everyone. Margo maybe, not so much hands-on but definitely not everyone. Just people he cared about and always her. Holding her hand now felt right, a perfect fit in the palm of his hand, the familiar soft touch that made him want more from her. ¡°Here, Emma.¡± He could see her shielding her eyes as the noon sun lifted higher in the sky, so he handed his shades back to her, with her eye color she needed them more than him. He practically spent half his life in the sun and had never really felt any effects from sun re. Letting her go, he moved along to pick up some pebbles, the sun warming his already brown skin. ¡°Thanks.¡± She smiled his way as he bent down and expertly skimmed his pebbles across the soft, lapping waves. Looking her way for a moment to gaze on how much more rxed she seemed away from the others on the boat. Once again, he wished they hade here alone. He wanted nothing more right now. ¡°What is it?¡± She tilted her head questioningly at him. ¡°You seem a bit more rxed now we¡¯re over here.¡± He could definitely see it. ¡°I feel more rxed.¡± She sighed and began looking around her feet, pushing the sand with her tiny toes, and looking a bit too squeezable. He took a slow breath and continued skimming stones to distract himself. ¡°You look it.¡± He skimmed another stone like an expert and was unable to stop the goofy smile hitting his face at watching her. ¡°I¡¯m d you made mee.¡± She was watching him more closely now, giving nothing away in that face. Like always. ¡°I¡¯m d I didn¡¯t have to force you.¡± He grinned, knowing that forcing Emma was never that easy, she had a stubborn streak and was one of the few women he had ever met who stood up to him defiantly. Even when he was being an arsey dickhead. He loved that about her. ¡°Technically, you gave me no choice.¡± She pouted sassily at him, that tiny little spark that was always beneath the surface. He would love to see her fully let go of it and just turn into a tornado like Le could. He got the sense she was more than capable but her reserved nature kept it locked down. He wanted to see her release that passion a little. Okay, maybe not to Le¡¯s extent but some of it, anyway. He often wondered if she did it deliberately, kept herself calm and even so she would never lose control. ¡°You always have a choice with me, Emma, you know that.¡± He looked her way once more, feeling rxed too, wanting to memorize her standing that way, hands on hips and a body to die for. He shook that mental thought away, knowing that if he stuck with it, his mind would find the shortest route to the gutter again. Being around her minus a whole lot of clothing was trying to say the least, and his libido was starting to fight back. ¡°We should be getting back; the others will think we don¡¯t like them.¡± He tensed and flexed his body, catching a quick nce of her eyes as he did so, and it immediately caught his attention. Definitely no fear that time or any sense of difort. That had most definitely been an eye wander of the appreciative female variety¡ªmaybe she wasn¡¯t as immune as he thought? He would love to explore that possibility. About time his assets were winning her over, he knew he was built and had enough sex appeal. Hell, he knew he was a good-looking bastard, women had made that obvious his whole life. ¡°Sure, I¡¯m kinda hungry too.¡± She pulled off the shades seemingly shaking it off and handed them back to him, he tried to do the same but that tiny flicker of hope in his chest wouldn¡¯t recede back to where it came from. He felt like a girl with all the mushy crap going on inside of him right then and had to chastise himself. He led the way back into the sea, staying close and making sure the swim back wasn¡¯t an ordeal for her. He would have carried her the full way had she seemed tired, but she handled it well. No hint of fatigue, just long, graceful strokes that matched his, and he felt proud of her. She never ceased to impress him. * * * They spent lunch on deck with the rest of the party, eating chicken Caesar sd and drinking wine, lounging on the padded double loungers on the main deck. Jake was making sure he stayed by her side and warned his friends off visually. He wouldn¡¯t put it past any one of them to make a y for her if he left her alone. Such was the nature of their trips. Each guy always brought dates and some unspoken agreement that all was fair game, and no one would get prissy about it after. The girls they normally brought were bed hoppers, no loyalty and definitely never anyone serious. Le was the exception normally, she wasn¡¯t much for it, and even though he could see she wasn¡¯t really that into her date, he knew she wouldn¡¯t sleep with any of the others. Emma waspletely off limits to any of them, and he would damn well break the neck of any who tried. N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. Jake was leaning toward Daniel¡¯s bed, Emma at his back and in conversation with Le. Daniel was arguing about sports, one of his passions and Jake just loved to goad him on the matter anytime it came up. He was more into manual stuff, extreme sports he could do himself, but he wasn¡¯t against watching the odd football or baseball game. Daniel was just too easy to wind up. He was only half listening though as he could most definitely hear the words ¡°hair¡± ¡°cut¡± and ¡°short¡± going on behind him and he didn¡¯t like it one bit. Looking back at Emma, he caught Le picking up a strand of that soft honey-blonde hair with the look of someone contemting cutting it all off. He could feel the frown taking over his face and minor irritation as Le said, ¡°pixie cut¡± and he could only assume that was something very short like hers. Emma wouldn¡¯t suit Le¡¯s hair, she needed soft and sweet around her face, not edgy and choppy like hers. ¡°I think you would suit maybe shoulder length.¡± Le¡¯s sweet, little voice was all too sultry, and he could tell she was trying to talk Emma into doing it. That persuasive eye fluttering she had suckered him with many a time in the past twenty years. ¡°Maybe.¡± Emma picked up a strand too and wound it around her finger, Jake was no longer listening to Daniel at all, he was fully integrated into defending Emma¡¯s hair. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with how it is?¡± He frowned, keeping his hands down and quelling the urge to run his fingers over the strand she was holding. She suited her wavy halo of soft hair, it was feminine and her. He didn¡¯t like the idea of no longer having it hanging down her back and blowing gently in the breeze. ¡°Jake? Men have no clue. Women like a drastic change every so often.¡± Le quipped at him with that sassy raised brow and he just wanted to sit on her right about now. ¡°If it¡¯s not broke, then don¡¯t fix it.¡± He bit back, he was used to these little head to heads with this short fiery devil. He would be damned if she was going to push his Emma around. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s not broken but can definitely be revamped. Women do like to shake it up every so often. Try on a new look.¡± Le was putting on her sarcastic tone, raising that brow and challenging him, yet again. This girl never ceased to push his buttons and sometimes he wondered why the hell he hadn¡¯t just drowned her in the past. ¡°It¡¯s my hair!¡± Emma cut in, raising hands between the two in a bid to distract them but she wasn¡¯t swaying these two. This was amon thing, Le and Jake head-on in subtle ways, always finding something to challenge one another over. It was just how they were. Chapter 280 Chapter 280 ¡°I like it how it is. If you want to change it then fine, it can always grow back.¡± Jake felt stupid as his tone came out, he sounded more like Emma¡¯s boyfriend than her boss about now and Le was smirking. The urge to push her face into the lounger was strong; if she still had pigtails he was sure he would tie them over her mouth right now. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°Worried your girlfriend won¡¯t get you all hot and bothered with short hair, Jacob?¡± Le leaned over Emma and prodded him in the shoulder. He just scowled back at her, she was pushing her luck today. He could easily pick her up and throw her overboard. ¡°Shut up, wench. Emma has more sense than to let me be her boyfriend.¡± And didn¡¯t he know it? ¡°Oh right, I forgot. You¡¯re just friends.¡± The honey-like way she said it made him grimace a smile her way, clenched teeth and warning her off with his eyes. He could see that glint of cheeky amusement and really did wonder why Mrs. Huntsberger didn¡¯t smack Le more as a child. ¡°I can see that,¡± she added sarcastically, and he wondered if spanking her now would make any difference. ¡°Really, we are.¡± Emma sounded quiet, flustered, and he tried to ignore the crazy going off inside of him, trying not to react badly to something he already knew. He should have been used to her subtle rejections by now. ¡°Well then, you won¡¯t care if I take her to get it all shorn off then, will you?¡± Le threw a defiant look his way and he bit his tongue in a bid to stop bickering, frowning, and ring. As soon as he got her alone he was going to chew her head off. Devilish little minx, she knew exactly what she was doing. ¡°Emma can do whatever she wants with her hair. She¡¯ll always look beautiful.¡± He got up, walking away before he made good and sat on Le and tried to pull her ears off or something equally immature. Brat. ¡°Someone is not a happy little yboy today!¡± He heard her say, even though he was moving away to the buffet table and ignored her. Witch! No, he¡¯s fucking not. Last thing he wants is Emma changing, she was perfect the goddamn way she already was! * * * After lunch, Jake took Le and Emma ashore on the speedboat kept moored to the cruiser, any excuse to get that thing out on open waters and let rip. He hoped she wasn¡¯t going toe back with some crazy short hair but what could he do? He had no right to say anything. He wasn¡¯t her boyfriend, just her boss and as much as he invaded her life at times, he knew where the boundariesy. They met the car and driver he had waiting at the port and handed Emma his credit card. That immediate frown on her face and her mouth pouting to verbalize a refusal was shot down with his no- nonsense re. She knew his looks all too well and seemed to think better than pushing her luck on this front. He had warned her enough times at work that this trip was being financed by him and if she argued about it, then there would be hell to pay. He had been raised that way, and it wasn¡¯t just about taking care of her, it was about his ego too. Emma slid it into her bag gracefully, she had used this card for ordering things for him at work, so she was more than capable of using it now. He pushed away the urge to kiss her on the cheek, with Le hovering he knew that it would just raise more knowing eyebrows and he knew for a fact Le was the type to point out to Emma that he had the major hots for her. He had kept his cool this far and thrown everyone off the scent, and he was sure as hell not letting Le get her teeth into that little-known fact. Emma would run for the hills if she knew how he really felt about her. He watched them go before putting the boat into reverse and backing away from the pier. She was in the red dress today and much as he tried not to look at her this way, he couldn¡¯t help it. She was irresistible in every way and only so much more in floaty, girly clothes that had made an appearance on this trip. God, he would keep her this way all the time if he could. As much as he loved her office outfits, and he surely did, this much sexy was hotter than hell, he liked this far more. She looked like the kind of girl you married like this, perfect, angelic, soft, and he wanted nothing more than to walk around showing her off. Back at the boat Jake headed to his room and pulled off his T-shirt. While Emma was on shore he was going to kick back, swim some, and spend some time with Danny and the twins, having a beer and catching up. He knew that Marissa and Miracle were afternoon nappers, unlike Emma and Le, and wouldn¡¯t show face for a while at this time of the day. He hatedzy women who partiedte and then lounged all day with nothing else in their lives. Emma had more get up and go than that, even hungover she still dragged her ass to work and rarelyined. He could never imagine someone like her ever being happy with the lifestyle Marissa was effortless at. Spoiled rich bitch with nothing to do all day except work on a tan. He made his way to the deck and found Daniel already on a lounger, topless with a beer in hand and the twins sshing around in the ocean trying to drown one another. Jake moved to the next lounger and sat down heavily, Hunter automatically grabbing a beer from the cooler beside him and tossing it to Jake. He opened it and downed half. Drinking in the sun was pretty dumb, but he had done it for years and it never affected him like it used to. ¡°So, the little women off to abuse your ounts?¡± Daniel smirked his way, and Jake just nodded his head at him. ¡°Probably.¡± He shrugged and sat back, easing his body onto the padded bed fully and lifting his legs, kicking his trainers off the side. Le would definitely encourage Emma to abuse his credit card and he hoped she would. ¡°What¡¯s the deal with you and her? Don¡¯t give me that friends bullshit line again man ¡­ It¡¯s pretty obvious she¡¯s under your skin.¡± Daniel lifted his shades and looked at Jake pointedly, scrutinizing his face with that intense Hunter re. ¡°I¡¯ll be fucked if I know. As much as I tell myself I have a handle on this ¡­ I don¡¯t.¡± He sighed. He had never lied to Danny, in all the years they had been friends, brutal honesty was always their thing, and he knew he could trust him to never breathe a word to anyone else. Hunter was a lot of things, but a loyal tried and tested best mate above all. Surprisingly wise when he saw fit and not against love despite his own aversion to it. ¡°Being honest here, mate ¡­ I¡¯ve never seen you this way over any chick, what¡¯s so goddamn special about this one?¡± Daniel frowned his way, genuine curiosity across his face. ¡°Everything ¡­ Nothing ¡­ Fuck knows. She¡¯s her. I can¡¯t pinpoint it¡ªjust from the minute she walked into my office I wasn¡¯t me ¡­ No control, zero ability to function properly, and the longer I know her the worse it is.¡± Jake was stressed talking about this, he had never analyzed it, he tried not to. ¡°There must be something specific?¡± Daniel was maneuvering his position to stare at Jake more fully, going in for the shrink¡¯s approach it appeared. He did seem genuinely curious. ¡°Which specific thing do I pick ¡­ How she looks? How she is? How she makes me feel? ¡­ She¡¯s Emma, she¡¯s not got anything about her that¡¯s not great. Except maybe the not wanting me part.¡± Jake hunched his shoulders and scrubbed a hand down his face. ¡°Maybe that¡¯s it ¡­ Maybe because she¡¯s probably the first woman in the history of Carrero to actually not want to jump your bones?¡± Daniel said smugly, and Jake considered it for a moment. ¡°I genuinely used to tell myself that exact thing.¡± He sighed. ¡°You¡¯re suffering from some sort of bruised ego, man, chick turned you down t and doesn¡¯t want the great Carrero boner. It¡¯s reverse psychology or some shit. If she was all over you, then maybe you wouldn¡¯t be interested.¡± Daniel grinned but Jake knew this was wrong, as much as he wanted to tell himself Daniel could have a point. Maybe in the beginning but not now. He knew that having her once wouldn¡¯t take away this need. If he was right, he would want a one-night stand, and he didn¡¯t. He wanted something meaningful with her. Chapter 281 Chapter 281 ¡°I wish you were right.¡± He grimaced, at least Daniel¡¯s idea had some sort of resolution. ¡°It¡¯s a crush, something you don¡¯t ever get ¡­ You obviously think she¡¯s beyond hot and your picky ass self doesn¡¯t normally find that in a girl,¡± Daniel said. ¡°She¡¯s beautiful. Perfect even.¡± Jake shrugged this time, he meant every word. ¡°Okay, bit strong on that front, she¡¯s cute, I¡¯ll give you that, but she¡¯s not really like mind-blowingly beautiful.¡± Daniel waved an airy hand his way and Jake instantly growled back. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. Daniel had to be kidding right now. ¡°Are you blind?¡± Jake was defensive, skin prickling with almost instant aggression at anyone tearing Emma down. ¡°Come on? I mean she¡¯s hot, I get it ¡­ She¡¯s ¡­ She¡¯s not Le hot. Le is my idea of a beautiful girl.¡± Daniel averted his eyes to the rail of the boat, evasive anytime his own emotions came into y. ¡°Don¡¯t even go there, you know that subject just pisses me off because you¡¯re an asshole.¡± Jake frowned a warning and the hostile change of tone rendered them both silent for a moment. Daniel finally shifted ufortably. That topic was a long-done deal and history had proven they couldn¡¯t talk about Le without a heated fight soon after. ¡°You know, maybe you just need to getid, this isn¡¯t like you at all ¡­ How long has it been? I¡¯m sure your balls are probably blue by now and it would ount for the moody assed nature.¡± Heughed, and Jake just threw him an amused frown. Daniel was a dick. ¡°I lost count, it all became pretty mind-numbingly painful after a week and now it seems like years.¡± He sighed and drunk more beer, pulling his shades down to cover his eyes when facing the sun this way. ¡°Just fuck someone and at least release some tension. Marissa is giving you the all hot and ready signs and as much as I¡¯m against you going down that route again, I am not against you abusing her body. It¡¯s still fucking fit ¡­ Miracle wouldn¡¯t say no either, and that chick takes it in every way. Her ass is pretty fine too.¡± Danielughed dirtily, and Jake only sighed again. He wasn¡¯t in the mood for picturing sex right now, his body was barely holding on. ¡°I think not ¡­ On both ounts. I don¡¯t need toplicate this shit more than I am.¡± He sat up agitated, a stirring in his groin at the sex talk and for a moment contemted heading down to Miracle¡¯s room and seeing what she could do with her mouth. Emma¡¯s mouth came into his mind¡¯s eye and he slumped back down in irritation, all urges of any other woman evaporating. For the love of God, she was infiltrating every part of his head nowadays. ¡°So, fuck it, put the moves on her properly. This pussy shit you¡¯re doing is not the Carrero I know and love. You¡¯re wimping out big time over this chick. Just swoop in like you always do and get her naked and screaming in under five minutes.¡± Daniel hauled another beer out and threw a second to Jake, he caught it swiftly and propped it against his short-covered hip. ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ She¡¯s not like that. She doesn¡¯t do one-night stands and then what? I still have to work with her.¡± Jake was starting to feel agitated, the tight ache in his lower stomach growing and he couldn¡¯t decide if it was irritation or something else. He had the horn, he needed to fuck someone. Daniel was right on that front. He was a hot-blooded guy with a high sex drive and he had never put himself into self-inflicted celibacy in his life. ¡°The way you¡¯re acting, Jake, I don¡¯t think one night would be your goal ¡­ You¡¯re totally pussy whipped over this chick and you know it. Suck it up and just go all in for her.¡± Daniel was smirking his way again, and this time he needed a moment to just think. Daniel was right. He wouldn¡¯t be happy with a ime thing with her, he knew the second he had her he would want more. He knew it so painfully that it had stopped him ever trying. She didn¡¯t want this and, to be honest, having her outright reject him would be agony. He looked out over the water at the ripples on the surface from the twins and sighed. ¡°Unrequited ¡­ That¡¯s a word I never thought I¡¯d hear myself using ¡­ Especially in terms of it being me on the painful side.¡± He smarted and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb, avoiding Daniel¡¯s eyes. ¡°Jesus, man, what girl could resist you? You¡¯re a handsome fuck and way too sexy for most women to handle. Have you ever just asked her?¡± Daniel sprayed beer his way, and he snapped his face back, ready to beat him over the head with something in an instant anger spike. ¡°Fuck off, wanker.¡± He wiped the spray off his arm and contemted chucking his unopened can at Hunter¡¯s face as payback. Ruining that pretty smile would be entertaining. ¡°Seriously, though?¡± Daniel smirked at him, a bit too obnoxiously. ¡°No. There¡¯s no point, I know her. She gives me nothing. No signals, no hints, no tiny mannerisms to even suggest she would be interested. Emma ispletely immune to me in every way and it fucking sucks.¡± He put his can down and crossed his arms over his head to block out the light. He wasn¡¯t enjoying this conversation at all and Daniel seemed to be enjoying it a little too much. ¡°Then why the fuck are you celibate? She has no hold over you, she¡¯s not making you wait with any fly teasing or hints of more ¡­ Fuck someone and end this misery.¡± Daniel leaned out and pushed him aggressively. He couldn¡¯t exin it, he was already so messed up over this. He just knew that it was pointless. If he even got close to a woman that wasn¡¯t her, he knew for a fact his dick would cease to cooperate, he had a mental block and until she got out of the way he was stuck this way. ¡°If I could I would!¡± he snapped back. ¡°Look, man, can we just drop this shit, I¡¯m seriously not in the mood for this and it¡¯s ruining my calm.¡± He sulked, childish Carrero on y and he didn¡¯t give a shit right now. Hunter was used to all versions of him. ¡°Right ¡­ as your best mate, I¡¯m doing you a favor. Stay put.¡± Jake kept his eyes closed and arms over his face and just ignored him. Whatever n he was hatching Jake wasn¡¯t interested. He heard Daniel slide up and pace off toward the other end of the deck and sighed. Reaching over to Daniel¡¯s lounger he picked up the iPod left there and stuck the headphones in. When Hunter came back he was killing this conversation, it was pointless and going nowhere fast. Rehashing his feelings wasn¡¯t going to make a damn bit of difference. He switched on the ylist and was immediately sted with Nickelback, Hunter¡¯s favorite band right now, and went back to covering his face with his arms. He was tired fromst night¡¯ste one, maybe a nap would put him in a better mood while she was away. * * * It felt like only secondster when in the darkness a warm, moist sensation ran down his abdomen toward his shorts¡¯ waist making his muscles tense in a really good way, in his dream-like state he pictured Emma running her tongue down his body and smiled. He could picture her doing exactly that as it felt much like he would expect a small warm tongue to feel. Moving south, the sensation twirled around his waistband and he squirmed sleepily. God, she was good with her tongue. He could picture her soft blue eyes looking up at him sexily and he was definitely getting hard with it. His waistband was tugged slightly, and he felt himself heating up with the dream, fucking her in his sleep wasmon but this was a new turn, never had he dreamed about her blowing him off and he sure as hell wasn¡¯t about to stop it. He was aware that his brain was trying to wake him up, but he fought it to hold on to the pictures in his head. He didn¡¯t care if he had a wet dream lying here, she had given him plenty in the past months and Daniel sure as hell wouldn¡¯tugh. All guys did it. That hot, warm mouth moved lower, pulling his shorts down enough to get the tip of him free and connected with a suction that almost made hime right then. Suddenly realizing this was all a little too un-Emma and feeling a little too real had him sitting up with a start and blinking at his surroundings harshly. He looked down at the still warm sensation encircling his dick and scowled at the brte with her face in hisp, before shoving her away hard. He sent Miracle, who was fully naked, sliding across the deck aggressively and unceremoniously. Fuck! ¡°What the fuck are you doing?¡± he barked at her, pulling himself right and jumping to his feet. He felt dirty ¡­ like he needed a shower all of a sudden. ¡°And put some fucking clothes on.¡± He snapped again, lifting the towel from Hunter¡¯s lounger and throwing it at her as he saw the tears in her eyes. A look of complete shock and humility, not that he could me her. Old Carrero would have been more than open to this little scenario only a couple of months ago. Hell, he would have helped it along and taken his shorts off and pulled her onto hisp impatiently. Chapter 282 Chapter 282 God damn, Daniel! This was Hunter¡¯s idea of helping him? Getting his porn star sidekick to blow him off while he was asleep and, judging by the nakedness, she had intended climbing on top when he was turned on. The thought made him feel sick. If he hadn¡¯t woken up, he would have fucked her. God, if his sleep condition had kicked in he would definitely have done it and not exactly in a good way. Like that he was aggressive and fevered and had been known to screw like a caveman with zero control. Did she even have a goddamn condom with her? Or did she just assume climbing onto him bareback was fucking eptable because she was a porn star who obviously used birth control? The thought made his skin crawl, porn stars had never been his type. He liked his women with fewer air miles, so to speak. He wanted tosh out right now, find Hunter and beat him. He was so unbelievably pissed off. The girl just sat cowering at his temper, clutching the towel across her breasts pointlessly, still as much on show at his unexpected reaction, he felt guilty and held out a hand to help her up when she just continued to stare at him. ¡°Look, I¡¯m sorry, okay. Just don¡¯t do shit like that. If I wanted to fuck you, then you sure as hell would know about it. I don¡¯t. I¡¯m here with Emma.¡± She hesitated, then let him pull her to her feet, using the towel a little more sessfully and sniffing back a tear. Big doe eyes on show and his temper calming. Girls were hard to be mad at when they did all that vulnerable shit. ¡°Daniel told me to surprise you, said once I started, you would blow my mind.¡± She bit on her lip and he felt the rest of the anger dissipate at the childish mannerism Emma had too. ¡°Daniel¡¯s a prick. You can tell him I said so.¡± Jake clicked his neck to release the tension and waved her away. Hoping to God she would never try this crap again. He would need to sleep with one eye open or just sleep beside Emma anytime he needed a nap if Hunter was hell-bent on curing his celibacy. Wanker. ¡°Go, leave me to cool down and don¡¯t bring this up again, okay?¡± He would be having some fucking stern words with Hunter; this shit was not on at all. He noticed how the sneaky bastard had never reappeared. With his woman up here, he was probably screwing the other slut down below. Not that he cared. Marissa had had more men than hot dinners in thest decade and Daniel would use and abuse her in any way he saw fit. The more degraded the better. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Pussy.¡± Hunter¡¯s voice carried from behind, and he saw him rising up thedder from the sea, asshole was swimming not screwing. Rare for him. Mind you, despite all his leering at Marissa he knew Daniel hated her with a passion, maybe enough to bypass sex. ¡°Fuck off ¡­ What the hell was that?¡± Jake moved at him angrily, temper reigniting at his presence and Daniel feigned a submissive position. pping hands like a woman. ¡°Please don¡¯t hit me, big boy.¡± He whimpered in a girly voice with flutteringshes, kissy lips on top of it all. Jesus, why was this moron his friend? ¡°Prick.¡± Jake dove in, grappling Hunter around the waist and pulling him into a wrestling hold on the deck floor. Hunter was quick to fight back and soon they were knocking lumps out of each other and rolling around like idiots. Jake got Hunter with an elbow to the jaw, a muffled grunt before the twins appeared. ¡°Get a room, pansies,¡± Vince smirked as he stalked by, dodging the leg that came out to kick him. ¡°Jealous much?¡± Daniel pouted from the headlock Jake had him in before Jake shoved him away and punched him in the shoulder a little forcefully. Asshole needed to learn some manners. Daniel threw him a re and tried to flick him in the face, Jake dodged easily with his lightning reflexes and jumped to his feet as Richard climbed thest rung onto the boat too. ¡°Lovebirds at it again?¡± Richard smirked at his twin and he nodded back. The two of them were like a double act, not a funny one though just a couple of assholes. Jake turned to Hunter with a frown. ¡°Don¡¯t ever pull that shit again ¡­ If I wanted a blow job I would go down and demand one,¡± he fumed, but both twins just broke into huge grins. ¡°What have we missed here? Hunter, did you finally embrace your Jake love and try to give the man a BJ?¡± Vincent burst into hystericalughter and Daniel only shook his head. ¡°Ha funny ha, fuck off ¡­ He turned down Miracle ¡­ Laugh it up, dickheads.¡± Daniel stuck his fingers up at the pair, lifting a towel from the bed and throwing it at them. ¡°Why would he want your cast-offs when he has that tight assed little thing looking all fuck-me-now wandering around? I would tap that ass over Miracle any day.¡± Vincent grinned but Jake¡¯s temper red. ¡°Knock it the fuck off ¡­ Don¡¯t speak about her like that. Ever!¡± Jake was growling, full-on fierce protector and he didn¡¯t want them talking about her like she was some piece of meat. He didn¡¯t want them even breathing her way, let alone thinking of touching her. ¡°Ahhhhh ¡­ Jake¡¯s in lurve.¡± Richie threw a beer toward him and he caught it mid-air. A grip that almost caused it to explode on impact. ¡°Jake¡¯s not fucking impressed with this conversation so can we just drop it?¡± He red at both of them, opening his can while Hunter had the sense to wander off and copse on a lounger, getting the bed damp with the water still clinging to him. Jake was not in love ¡­ Okay, maybe Jake could be in love, but he shouldn¡¯t be because this was going nowhere and had heartbreak written all over it. ¡°What¡¯s she like in the sack?¡± Vincent threw a look his way, but Jake only growled in response. All tension returned, body prickling and ready to start boxing for real. ¡°Leave him alone, can¡¯t you see he has zero sense of humor when ites to Emma?¡± Daniel cut in and the warning look he was throwing off matched Jake¡¯s. He may be a twat and a half, but Daniel didn¡¯t like anyone else giving his best mate a hard time. It was his job alone. Jake was relieved to see the twins take the warning, one thing about them was they respected Hunter¡¯s word. Jake wasn¡¯t with the twins often enough anymore to have the same hierarchy with them that Hunter did, he was losing his edge and getting soft ording to them nowadays. He should beat the shit out of them and show them he was still as much Alpha as Hunter was. Beat them for even daring to mention Emma in a derogatory way. ¡°I think everyone should just chill the fuck out and crack open the beer.¡± Daniel lifted an eyebrow his way and Jake softened. Drinking was a sure-fire way to calm him down right now and he was game. Emma would be hours yet and if he slept before she came back he would be sober enough to withstand her. * * * Being sober at some point had been the n but as the day had worn on the men had kept on drinking beers, they had swum, headed to the private beach he¡¯d taken Emma to and yed a littleball, ran around like kids for a while, and they had pretty much eaten nonstop most of the afternoon. He had kept checking his watch, wondering what she was doing and hoping she was having a good time with Le. Not that he should worry, Le was a good time girl and sweet enough to make Emma feel right at home. He just wished she was here right now, he missed her. He was too drunk to drive the speed boat ashore when the day drew on and had the ship¡¯s crew taxi them instead, Emma had been gone all day and he had quelled the urge to call her and text her a dozen times. The merrier he had got the stronger the urge to just have her right here in his arms, beside him with that intoxicating little face and perfect smell. Smell? Jesus, he really was in trouble ¡­ Knowing her smell was pretty much admitting in neon lights to himself that he was in love with her. What guy associated a girl with how she smelled and actually ached for it? Fuck. He was in so much trouble with her. Chapter 283 Chapter 283 Miracle kept her distance on the boat ride, but Marissa was borderline humping his leg much to the un- amusement of her date. Vincent was watching her with a face that just yelled ¡°Tramp¡± at her. Poor guy should have realized this would happen, there was a reason all their trips had a ¡°No Marissa¡± rule and he had stupidly broken it. She was like a dog on heat whenever she got within a fifty-mile radius of Jake, had been for years. Apart from one drunken fuck-up that he had no memory ofst month, he had never gone down that route and never would again. Even if she hadn¡¯t broken his heart years ago, she was a coldhearted maniptive bitch that he would have seen through eventually. She was the exact opposite of Emma in every way. Not just in looks but in body and soul. Emma was pure and good in every way that Marissa was dark and nasty. He shrugged her away and moved forward enough in the hopes that they would get ashore before he let go and threw her overboard. The restaurant was nice and private, it had a beach theme and little palm leaf roofs over each table that made it quirky and rxed. The tables spilled out onto the sand near the shore and were strung with fairy lights now it was getting dull. Not that Jake cared, his mind was on one thing only. Jake couldn¡¯t help but keep watching for Emma¡¯s arrival, he¡¯d text them when they were on the way here knowing a phone call would only have his so-called mates crooning in the background. He was missing her crazily, it felt like she had been gone for days already and a part of him was nervous that he would hate her new hair. He swore, not one of them better say anything about the day¡¯s conversation. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. Marissa was making a hell of a y at trying to get him into some eye on eye action, he had no idea what was with this chick. No patience for the way she was trying to catch his attention when they all picked seats, so he decided to stay on his feet as far from her as he could manage. Last thing he needed was Emma arriving and seeing Marissa eye humping him when he really wanted to avoid all talk of her. Daniel stayed upright too,ing to his side as the twins ordered in the first round of drinks at the bar. Miracle was sitting next to Marissa, avoiding him at all costs and obviously still embarrassed about earlier, it was obvious the two didn¡¯t exactly get on but were making conversation out of boredom. Marissa was still watching him a little too hawkishly. He wished she would just fuck off. The twins came back with trays and started dispersing sses and bottles all over the table, Jake was handed a beer, Daniel already unsteady on his feet was a sign that maybe he should stop drinking. Daniel had the same tolerance as him, and they had pretty much stayed level in the amount they had drunk all day. If he could see signs of it in Hunter, then he was sure he was probably worse than he realized too, and drunk Jake would be no good at behaving himself around Emma. She was too much of a lure for wandering eyes, hands and mouths. Jake pushed Hunter yfully as he swayed closer and banged into him for the third time. ¡°Jesus, man ¡­ stop trying to cuddle up to me.¡± He smirked at him and Daniel just shoved him back. ¡°You¡¯re the one who¡¯s trying it on with me, all thisck of ytime has you thinking bro sex is eptable.¡± Hunter just smirked right back cheekily at him as the two twins decide to stay standing too, the four of them forming a little group on the side of the table and ostracizing both women. ¡°Never, ever would that be eptable.¡± Richard cringed, and Jake just shook his head at him. ¡°Says the guy who slept naked in a womb with another bloke for nine months and most likely a bed for the first few more.¡± Jake pointed his bottle at him with a cheeky smile. Jake had no problem with gay men, he knew and liked a few of them but his immediate circle of friends right now was obviously not asfortable with it. ¡°Yeah, I reckon Vince is the big spoon and Richie here takes it like a trooper ¡­ Brotherly love and all that.¡± Hunterughed, amused by his own jokes. Jake smiled too, taking a swig of his mellow beer and watching them closely. ¡°Shut the fuck up ¡­ I am not that way inclined!¡± Richie made an effort at putting on a manly pose and grabbed at his package crudely. ¡°I¡¯m all horny male for tits and ass.¡± ¡°Notice he said ass ¡­ Not pussy?¡± Daniel frowned Jake¡¯s way, they clinked beer bottles across the neck with nods of agreement. Riling your mates was the best amusement a guy could get. ¡°Busted, little brother, now bend over and take it like a good little bitch!¡± Vince tried to push him forward but was only met with a flustered and almost angry Richie pping him away. ¡°Shut up or I¡¯ll tell them about that tramp you let use a strap-on up your ass.¡± Richie spat at his brother and thenughed when Vincent turned crimson. Only reinforcing the fact he had done that. Both Jake and Daniel grimaced at the thought and looked at one another as if to say ¡°Yeah ¡­ just NO.¡± As kinky as both of them were when it came to sex even they drew the line on some things. Anal on a guy was one of those things, although he was pretty sure if Emma was ever up for that sort of thing he would do it to her. Mind out of the gutter, Carrero ¡­ She¡¯s too pure for that shit. Jake nced in the direction of approaching blonde hair for a moment, some inner sense to turn that way, then did a double take when he realized that small blonder wavy-haired girl was in fact Emma. And she looked fucking amazing. Holy hell. Her hair had been cut to above shoulder length, somehow the waves had only gotten wilder and sexier being shorter, blonder highlights which lightened her honey-blonde and framed that perfect face in a way that just made every single nerve in his body react impulsively. She was beyond stunning. Man, he wanted to fuck her right now. Badly. He quelled the urge to groan, reeling back in the five thousand filthy thoughts running through his head right now and walked toward her. She was locked on him visually, smiling softly andpletely inviting. For a second, he could have sworn she had missed him too if her expression was anything to go by. Without even thinking, he was drawn straight to touching that hair, pushing back a strand from her face and reveling in how soft it felt between his fingers. How soft she looked, how she smelled. God, he had missed her like crazy and right now she was like some perfect vision of angelic beauty captivating him and knocking everything else out of focus around them as she smiled up at him almost adoringly. The urge to kiss her was killing him. He ran his hand through that touchable hair and concentrated on staying in control as much as he could. Realizing just how close to her he had gotten and cooled his heavy breathing so she wouldn¡¯t see how much he was unraveling. He really needed to sober up if he was going to stop himself. ¡°I like this. A lot!¡± He said softly, his eyes heavy with lust and intoxication and knowing being this drunk this close to her was a bad idea, he was fighting with every piece of his strength to not just lean down the rest of the way and kiss her. Her mouth was just calling to be kissed right now, soft, pouted and free of makeup and achingly inviting. He could almost reach her, taste her and he knew she would taste as good as she smelled. ¡°Thank you.¡± She smiled, sexy soft-voiced and pulled the hair from his hand, tucking it back with the rest of her short waves shyly. Eyes flooring him in that way she sometimes looked at him that almost convinced him he stood a chance with her. She looked so goddamn adorable when she was like this and he had zero control. He leaned down almost losing the battle to stop himself from kissing her and at thest moment caught it and redirected it to her cheek. Close, Carrero ¡­ So, fucking close. He needed to have more control than this, he needed to sober up a little if he was going to have to look at her all night in that dress and new very fuckable hair. He had been wrong about her cutting it, as much as he had loved it the way it was this somehow was more her. Made her a hundred times more appealing even though he had never been one for shorter hair. It was softer, sexier yet still angelic and he loved it. Chapter 284 Chapter 284 Grasping her hand to ground himself back to reality he looked back at those perfect baby blue eyes which only somehow seemed bigger and softer with all theyers around her face. Jesus his girl was probably the most breathtaking woman he had ever known, and it was taking the strength of a hundred men not to lift her up around his waist right now and devour her. It was almost painful to just take her hand when every fiber of his body was aching for more. ¡°Come on.¡± He entwined her small delicate fingers in his, happier than hell to have her back with him again and led her proudly to the table. She was the most beautiful woman in the bistro and he would be damned sure no one else was going to get a look in at her. He wouldn¡¯t be held liable for having to endure some other guy making a y for her, she would see a violencee out of him that would probably send her running for the hills. Emma followed obediently, tightening her hand in his snugly and making him feel like the only thing that mattered right now was that tiny little set of fingers wrapped in his. She felt like home. * * * They sat outside under palm frond umbres and the food was pretty good, it helped Jake to sober up enough to not want to haul Emma down the beach and molest her. They had all moved on to drinking cocktails thanks to Le and her crazy huge knowledge on all things cocktail. The girl had once run a little bar somewhere exotic for fun a few years back and seemed to retain the recipe of every drink known to man. She was always handy in teaching Jake new drinks to impress thedies and right now his knowledge of Emma¡¯s preferences was helping him keep her in a steady supply of drinks she was happily downing. He liked seeing her rx this way, sitting beside him and fully leaning back in her chair without any hint of defensiveness. He was more than aware of the way the three of his so-called friends were honing in on Emma with her new hair, warning res at them had proven futile and Daniel smirking was a hint that he was heatingN?velDrama.Org exclusive content. up to start trying to goad Jake. The guy got a kick out of it. Jake shifted uneasily ready to defend her with his life if that¡¯s what it took, he wouldn¡¯t let any of them make even a tiny hint at trying for her. ¡°What motivated this?¡± Daniel reached past Jake, scooping a strand of Emma¡¯s hair and Jake batted his hand away aggressively. ¡°No touching.¡± The scowl was somewhere between funny and serious and very impulsive. Daniel just raised an eyebrow and grinned at him knowingly, Jake wasn¡¯t amused in the slightest at what Hunter was ying at. ¡°Sorrryyy, big man. You have to admit though, your girl does look extra hot with this new do.¡± He winked at Emma and Jake had to push down the urge to kick him in the face from this angle. If he thought he could flirt with her to get at him then he better back off. Jake¡¯s years of mixed martial arts and boxing meant even from a seated position he could take his head off his shoulders. Best mate or not there was a line Daniel shouldn¡¯t cross, for Jake it would always be her. ¡°Umm, thanks.¡± Emma cut in ndly, watching the way Jake frowned at Daniel then punched him lightly in the shoulder. He was trying to curb the aggression but still warn Daniel to back off. ¡°She¡¯s not going to sleep with you, so you can cut out thepliments and the flirty crap.¡± Jake huffed Hunter¡¯s way with a scowl. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know. I reckon I could charm Miss Ander ¡­ OWWW.¡± Daniel squawked like an injured animal as Jake shoulder punched him a lot harder. Fist connecting with the bone under the muscle and most definitely warning him off. ¡°Calm your pants, Jake. God! You¡¯ll be pissing on me next.¡± He huffed and swiped his beer from the table. ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me.¡± Jake wasn¡¯t kidding, he wanted to send a clear message to all three men that YES, he had zero humor when it came to her and they all better learn that fast. Daniel and Jake threw angry looks at one another before taking what looked like precision nned swigs of their drinks. ¡°Jeez, testosterone flying much?¡± Leughed, pulling some of the tension away. ¡°Men!¡± Emma sighed in exasperation, ncing Jake¡¯s way with amusement before joining Le in an eyebrow raise. Jake felt his jets cooling at just watching her interact with Le. He wanted her to have a friend in her, she was his best girl mate and they were well suited. It helped soothe his hot temper a little. ¡°Needless to say, I was right!¡± Le grinned at Emma with some underlying message between the two girls and Jake found himself narrowing eyes on them. What now? ¡°About what?¡± Marissa cut in with a pinched tone that made both women look her way with rather snooty expressions. She was sprawled at the table with full cleavage on show, right in Jake¡¯s eye line and making it obvious it was intentional. He swigged on his beer and looked away. Miracle was picking her nails at the right of her in a simr pose, seemingly a new-found love of Jake all of a sudden and he felt himself eye roll and looked back to Emma. Women! ¡°That Jake would be enamored with her new short do ¡­ That she would look sexy as hell!¡± Le¡¯s triumphant tone made Marissa eye roll and Jake had the urge to pour her cocktail over her head. Even for a girl with pretty features, a nice body and generally attractive, he found her repulsive. That ck heart and snooty face just killed any looks she once had. ¡°Jake¡¯s a man! He appreciates it when women try really hard to get a reaction from him.¡± Marissa said icily with a flick of her hair, Jake red at her harshly, not liking her dig at Emma one bit. She red back challenging him and he had to hold his tongue. ¡°You would know!¡± Le¡¯s scathingment came with a new tone for her. Disdain. Jake couldn¡¯t agree more though, if anyone needed a crown for trying to get Jake¡¯s attention then it was Marissa. Emma didn¡¯t need to try at all. Jake caught sight of the twins moving uneasily in their chairs and both men lift drinks to focus on that instead. Miracle lifted her head in interest, eyes gleaming with the possibility of drama. He sighed knowing the signs of trouble brewing and he wouldn¡¯t let any of them ruin this for her. ¡°Emma doesn¡¯t need to vie for my attention. She already has it, and her hair is a knockout. Much like her.¡± Jake cut in smoothly, his re fixed on Marissa coldly, that sinister tone in his voice, devoid of emotion yet portraying a lot to the people who knew him, and everyone hushed up. He hoped to God his dangerous tone and angry scowl gave everyone the message to back off. He used to be the Alpha of this little circle and he sure as hell would be taking that title back if they kept this shit up. ¡°Man, did it just get cold in here?¡± Daniel jumped up from his perch on the edge of the table and pped Jake on the back. ¡°We need a new topic and way more booze, man.¡± Daniel was toeing the line, taking his ce in the hierarchy and nces toward the twins saw them shuffling their feet too. ¡°Couldn¡¯t agree more.¡± Jake rxed back, happy with the sudden submissive atmosphere. Marissa and Miracle looking down at their fingernails. Jake feeling better, he leaned in and kissed the oblivious Emma on the cheek spontaneously, giving Marissa that back off signal as much as the rest of them. She maybe wasn¡¯t his woman in the normal sense, but she was his queen while on this boat and they would damn well treat her that way. * * * It didn¡¯t take much to get the happy jovial atmosphere back, and Jake rxed into his usual sociable self. Happy that everyone was having a rtively good time and even Marissa seemed to be backing off and asionally smiling. Emma had never seen him surrounded by people he could rx with and even though the group was small he was kicking back as much as she was. He had tried to slow down his alcohol consumption and was not any drunker than he had been, although Emma was definitely getting tipsy. He had never laughed so much at her in the whole time he had known her. She was cute drunk, funny and less guarded. She giggled like a child and lost all the airs and graces she sometimes hid behind. Jake loved Emma like this. As though it was like getting a glimpse of who she could be if she ever really did feel comfortable enough to fully let her guard down around him and he wished she was like this more of the time. Chapter 285 Chapter 285 She seemed to get on with Le effortlessly, and he was d that out of all the girls here she had chosen her. They gelled, and it was nice to see because he knew Le was one of the few decent girls who was genuine in this lifestyle. She would stick up for her and defend her with honesty if the catty other two started that shit again. Jake hauled her up to dance when the band came out and it was pretty obvious Emma had gone beyond tipsy. He had danced with her a million times at events and never had she been this useless. He couldn¡¯t stopughing and having to grab onto her to support her every two seconds as she kept falling off her shoes. She was all over the ce and even when he pulled her against him suggestively she somehow ended up teetering all over the ce unable to stop swaying. The temptation to wrap his arms around her fully and put her on top of his shoes so she could stay at peace was killing him. She was so much sexier like this, fully trusting in him to put hands on her wherever he saw fit, but he was trying to be a gentleman. So hard to do when the girl was grabbing his hands and pulling them to her body in a way too sexy dance, the drunker she got. Emma was outright flirting with him now she was drunk, and he wanted nothing more than to just stop caring and go with it. ¡°Your moves are terrible when you¡¯re stered, shorty.¡± He spun her around, catching her from the back and pulling her against him. Hips swaying in time and his arms firmly around her, he knew he had to get them off this dance floor before the gentleman in him fucked offpletely. ¡°Shhhh. I¡¯m doing just fine.¡± She slurred yfully. Giggling at him and just making him smile all the more. God, he loved her. ¡°Sure, you are. The second I let go, you¡¯ll facepalm the deck. I¡¯m all that¡¯s keeping you upright.¡± He joked with her, her hair was just under his chin and smelled like tropical fruit and her and just made him want to taste her all the more. ¡°I¡¯m sure I wouldn¡¯t ¡­ You¡¯re exaggerating my drunkenness.¡± She purred demurely, turning in his arms and giving him a gentle chest shove. ¡°Let me go and see.¡± She challenged him and that inner boy of his lifted his hands with a shrug and a smile and stepped back to leave her to it and prove a point. She attempted a step away sassily and stumbled over her own heels immediately, Jake¡¯s quick reflexes catching her and pulling that delicate curvy body into his with a tug to save her. He had to steel the surge of lust at pulling every one of them damn curves against him so fully. ¡°You were saying?¡± He smiled at her and let her loose a little. Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org. ¡°Shut up.¡± Emma toppled, sliding in his embrace, swaying a finger under his nose in the most adorable fashion and looking every bit the cute drunk student with her short wispy hair. ¡°Not another word, Carrero.¡± Finding her amusing, he motioned the locking of a key over his lips and pretended to throw it away before casting her a wink and pulling her back in for another slow groove. Another bout of Emma¡¯s terrible bncing act but he didn¡¯t care, it was an excuse to hold her a little closer and enjoy how she felt being against him. An excuse to wrap his arms a little tighter and pull her a little more closely than he ever dared when it was just work. He finally gave up when it became obvious the only way she was going to manage dancing anymore was in his arms this way and he grinned her way. He could take advantage of it or he could do the decent thing and put her down. Grudgingly he chose the decent thing as she always made him feel like he wanted to be better. Too freaking cute for words. Too goddamn intoxicating. He tugged her by the hand, watching her unsteady wobble and the way her big eyes watched him adoringly, he had to give her that much. She knew exactly how to wind him around her little finger with just a look whether she meant it or not and he had no will to ever refuse that face. He slid an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to support her and possibly take advantage of holding her once more. He couldn¡¯t help but listen to her drunken rambling with a smile, she was making very little sense, but he just liked the sound of her voice. It was something he never tired of hearing. She wasn¡¯t one of those girls who talked incessantly, in fact, she didn¡¯t talk enough if he was being honest. Emma was reserved most of the time, even in conversation and he liked the version that appeared when drunk. That version of her let any damn thing out of her head as soon as it hit her brain and that was a girl he was crazy for, incredibly sweet, a little too adorable and a lot of sexy. Back at the table, Jake had practically carried Emma with an arm around her waist to the others who were mid-story about a trip they had takenst summer. Jake could hear Hunter reminiscing over the Ibiza party they had thrown for his birthday, that one time they had ended up drunkenly stealing Jet skis and going on a middle of the night adventure while too drunk to be doing anything of the sort. Jake guided Emma to the group of standing men this time, instead of the seats where Marissa had switched to one directly beside where he had been, sliding a casual arm around her shoulders and pulling her close so she would stay away from that vicious look Marissa had all over her face. Emma didn¡¯t seem to notice his over-familiar handling of her, so he took that as encouragement that she was fine with being a little manhandled. He handed her a drink and leaned in to catch up with what his friends were talking about. Le was on her feet too, standing between the twins, and he couldn¡¯t help noticing that Daniel was avoiding looking her way. The boy waspletely hopeless when it came to Le, and he wished he would just sort his act out and tell the girl how he really felt about her. ¡°Yeah, so Jake¡¯s like, I¡¯m sure we can make it ¡­ and he goes speeding off on his fucking jet ski, right in ¡­ doesn¡¯t give a fuck.¡± They all burst intoughter and looked toward Jake as Daniel patted his back. Jake was trying to remember the point in the story and mildly aware Marissa was trying to catch his eye again, he ignored her best he could but she was making him ufortable with the efforts she was applying and he cast his mind back to that midnight romp in which they managed to get stuck out at sea with a storm brewing and had ended up using a cave for shelter. ¡°What choice did I have?¡± Jake cut in, finishing Daniel¡¯s memory. ¡°Daniel would have had us sleep out there at that rate, not that he would have minded. Daniel¡¯s always trying to get in the sack with me, the boy¡¯s still trying to deny his feelings.¡± He joked, taking a swig of his beer and rxing as he felt Emma¡¯s eyes on his profile, looking adoring and kissable as ever. God the urge to justy im to her in front of everyone right now was killing him. He wanted her badly and cuddling up together was making things so much worse. ¡°It¡¯s kind of heart-breaking to watch him suffer ¡­ Unrequited love.¡± Richard broke in, stifling a grimace as Daniel pped his back a tad too aggressively. ¡°Fuck you. Both of you,¡± Daniel spat a little harshly. ¡°You know when you know ¡­ Right?¡± Vincent threw a wink at Daniel and three of the four men burst outughing, Daniel rolled his eyes and gave them the finger. ¡°Tried so damn hard to let him down gently, he¡¯s just too sensitive.¡± Jake ruffled Daniel¡¯s hair. ¡°I¡¯ve caught him sobbing into his Haagen-Dazs a few times, when you stood him up, Jakey.¡± Richard shoved Daniel in the ribs yfully and winked Jake¡¯s way. ¡°He stole my Endless Love CD when you missed his birthday bashst year. Perfect crying anthems on there for dumped lovers.¡± Le quipped in throwing a huge smile at Jake and he smiled back, Le had been trying for months to be okay around Hunter and this trip was the first time in so long they had not tried to kill each another on sight. They had some serious history between them. ¡°I swear to God, you guys better stop with this shit. Even if I was that way inclined, I wouldn¡¯t jump Carrero¡¯s bones. I know where he¡¯s been, I have standards.¡± All three men looked at Jake with eyebrow wiggles and he only sneered at them. By their standards, his whites were a hell of a lot cleaner, he had at least some morals when it came to the women he pursued in the past. ¡°Umm, I think I¡¯ve way higher standards than any of you three.¡± He defended himself with a frown. Suddenly feeling ufortable with the topic while Emma was standing so close and almost scrutinizing his profile, he couldn¡¯t look her way when talking about past conquests. God, she had no clue he wasn¡¯t even doing that anymore. Chapter 286 Chapter 286 ¡°Questionable.¡± Le threw him a look. He didn¡¯t need to see more to know she meant Marissa and almost grimaced at the memory. Everyone could make mistakes, even hellish ones like that. ¡°But you¡¯ve improved a lot.¡± She then smiled at him concealing nothing. A big hearty, winky type of smile and he felt that hint of warmth knowing she meant Emma. Le wasn¡¯t so dumb after all and maybe it was her he should offload to rather than Hunter. Get a female perspective. ¡°Leave her out of this,¡± Jake warned, squeezing Emma a little more tightly. He may have liked the way Le was thinking, but he had to make sure none of them got the wrong idea for her sake. He also wasn¡¯t exactly too enamored with the way Marissa seemed to be honed right in, staring at them both and giving him her best fuck-me-now eyes. He regretted picking a ce in her line of sight to stand. ¡°You know when you know, right?¡± Vincent smirked Jake¡¯s way knowingly, and in that second, he really wanted to throat punch him. Like a performing fucking circus, the other two men joined him in knowing looks and all three winked his way slyly. He nced to see if Emma noticed anything untoward, but she was busy resting her head into him innocently. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. Assholes. ¡°Daniel certainly seems to think so.¡± Jake made kissing noises at Hunter in a bid to cover the moment ofplete awkwardness, letting go of Emma to haul Daniel into a headlock and ster his cheek with wet, noisy kisses. Fucker could take that for initiating all this in the first ce. ¡°Fuck off, you creep.¡± Daniel fought as everyoneughed. Everyone lightening up from the all too serious turn in conversation much to his relief and he could see even Emma was smiling. Jake came back to put his arm back around her possessively and ignored Marissa once again hitting him with a sexual pout. Piss off, for the love of God. ¡°Admit it, you¡¯ve been nning the Hunter-Carrero wedding since you were just a little girl. It¡¯s kind of sweet, really.¡± Jake prodded Daniel with his beer bottle and received two fingers on one hand and one on the other as a response. It was an attempt to keep his focus off what Marissa was now doing with her tongue in the bottle she was holding, he had never had the urge to push it down her throat this badly before. ¡°You¡¯re riding dangerously close to a Hunter free existence. Then we¡¯ll see which dude is crying into his Haagen Dazs. We all know that Mr. Smooth Carrero has the biggest man crush on me.¡± Daniel picked up a beer, mock threw his hair back like a woman, and fluttered his eyshes. ¡°In your dreams, pretty boy. I¡¯m hoping for a threesome with the twins.¡± Jake winked at Vincent and Richard who threw on matching ¡°EWWWW¡± faces. Everyoneughed, even Marissa this time which meant she had to stop blowing off the bottle and giving him orgasm looks. He felt that draw for a moment of a guy who definitely had not had enough sex ofte and watched for a mere second as she bit on her lip suggestively, memory serving him right about what she used to do with that mouth before sense got the better of him. Emmaying her soft head against his heart almost made him feel guilty even pondering it for a second. Jake adjusted his hold, so he could pull her closer and rest his arm further around her. She was the only girl who belonged near his heart, whether she wanted it or not. He switched his beer bottle to his left hand, so it hung in front of her and gently took her empty cocktail ss andid it down, ncing at her happy face for a moment and being reassured that bringing her on this trip was the best thing. He had never seen her so chilled or smiley in all the time he¡¯d known her and even being grossly manhandled by him tonight hadn¡¯t brought out one PA telling off. Maybe she was warming to him after all. Daniel started rehashing another tripst year, another summer vacation a group of them had gone on. There had been sixteen of them that time and of course Marissa, she had tried to get into his bed on more than one asion, and he had even woken up with her writhing on top of him naked, trying to get him hard. He had considered it for all of ten seconds before shoving her ungracefully to the floor and then proceeded to fuck every girl she¡¯d brought with her over that next couple of days just to piss her off. Marissa looked his way devilishly, obviously remembering his little bacsh, and he felt smug for a moment. He maybe had no feelings for the girl anymore but getting some sick payback for what she had done to him always got a reaction. They seemed to keep doing this; going around in circles year after year until he had met Emma ¡­ Now it no longer interested him at all and he had no intentions of trying to beat her at any more games of seduction ever again. The waitress came with a tray andid another round of drinks on the canopied table. Jake handed Emma a fresh cocktail with his free hand, his mouth lingering close to her temple a little longer than necessary as he smelled her, weird and probably a tad obsessive but she always smelled edible. Tropical fruits and slightly sexual in a way and he liked to just do it because he was fucking weird when it came to her. He had long ago stopped even questioning the shit he did around her. Hunter started eyeing him oddly, waving his phone around and talking about some vague memory that Jake could barely remember. He was flicking his phone at Jake enough that he finally took the hint, letting go of Emma and leaning in to see. He was being strangely secretive by only showing it to Jake and then he saw why. There was no picture only the start of a text which read. Jake ¡­ She seems totally into you tonight ¡­ Fucking get in there ¡­ Look at her man, she¡¯s all over you. Jake looked at Daniel with a warning frown but couldn¡¯t help but feel a little torn. Emma had been cuddling up to him as much as he was since standing here, all the flirting on the dance floor with him and now ring Marissa down; he was starting to wonder if he should make a y for her or not. He didn¡¯t know if it was the alcohol or what, but Emma was different on this trip, had been since they arrived and maybe he should stop acting like a woman and just go for it. Daniel was obviously seeing something he wasn¡¯t. He caught Marissa once again giving him the bedroom eyes and sighed internally. Staring at her for a moment to give her the back-off warning, he felt Emma looking his way. God, she looked beautiful with that hair. He couldn¡¯t help that same rush of lust whenever he looked at her and being drunk was certainly not helping at all, he pulled her in instinctively for a kiss, part of him saying DO IT and then chickened out and hit her on the cheek tonically instead. She was making him all kinds of nervous now that he was even considering trying to make a move on her tonight. He wasn¡¯t sure whether to listen to Hunter or not, he had zero clues when it came to Emma. Still no way closer to ever reading her but Le¡¯s encouraging smiles his way and now Hunter giving him a green light had his palms getting mmy and his throat drying up. Fuck ¡­ He was scared shitless. ¡°You¡¯re very quiet ¡­ Want to go back to the boat?¡± he said to her softly, hoping that maybe if he got her alone he would rx and be able to read her signals a little better. Decide if she wanted this or not. Decide what to do instead of freaking out like an amateur over here. ¡°Yes, please, I¡¯m so tired, it¡¯s been a long day.¡± She smiled at him and his crotch most definitely stirred, Emma¡¯s husky tone was a little too inviting for tonic thoughts. Fuck, maybe Hunter was right, Emma was definitely looking at him in a way he had never seen her look. ¡°Ooh, party on the boat.¡± Le chanted and jumped up, impressively bouncing her boobs, all male eyes immediately followed because that¡¯s what men were designed to do, seek out impressive tits when jiggling. Even Le¡¯s, even though Jake realized how weird that was and felt a harsh dig to his ribs. Looking down he could see one very unimpressed look from Emma. He knew this look. Her haughty little PA re which signaled she was not happy with him, a little hint of jealousy from his green-eyed princess. Feeling suddenly euphoric that she had just given him the green light he had been looking for, he gave her an apologetic shrug and wink. Baby, tonight you¡¯re going to be kissed senseless. Chapter 287 Chapter 287 Going back to the boat Jake had been disappointed to find the entire party followed them, so they had no time alone. The boat ride back had been eye-opening though, with Emma standing between his legs as he had perched on the edge of the side and her arms around his neck. She had been about an inch from his face the whole time talking about nothing specific, her eyes had kept moving to Jake¡¯s mouth longingly and he had to curb kissing her about a thousand times even though his hands were on her hips and she was pulled practically into his groin. One little inch forward and a tiny head tilt was all it would have taken, she was already mirroring his pose and screaming ¡°kiss me¡±. He didn¡¯t know if she had any idea what signals she was giving him right now or if she was subtly telling him to go for it, she was obviously drunk and feeling more carefree and it just confused him as to what to do. She was giggling enough, touching him enough, and if she had been any other girl, he would have high-fived himself as all the cues were there that he had scored. But this was her, and she was innocent in all ways sexual, she trusted him, and he didn¡¯t want to kiss her in front of these people, anyway. If and when he did make a move he wanted it private, so she could rx and decide without pressure if she wanted it. He didn¡¯t want to ruin anything between them and that kiss so long ago in the hotel had made him wary of trying too haphazardly. On the boat, he had left her to wander the deck with Le and headed to the lounger, he was going to let her make the moves if that¡¯s what she wanted. Let her rx, let here to him and y it by ear. It was the only way he could think of ying this where she was concerned and that way he couldn¡¯t screw this all up by assuming it¡¯s what she wanted. He kicked back and decided to let it go a little, drink more and get as merry as her if he was going to stop overthinking all of this. Maybe that was half his problem, he was trying to stay sober so he wouldn¡¯t make moves on her when he should really be throwing caution to the wind and going with the flow. That¡¯s what she seemed to be doing tonight and watching her dance, drink, and get in the party mood was definitely doing it for him.Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°You¡¯re in there, you know?¡± Daniel slid down on the lounger next to him and smiled his way, waving a bottle toward Emma and Le on deck. ¡°She¡¯s been giving you thee on since she got to the restaurant, man, what are you waiting for?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know her like I do ¡­ She¡¯s nothing like the women we normally chase, Danny, she requires a little gentle handling.¡± Jake frowned his way and then back at Emma. She wasughing with Le and falling over one another while trying to change the song on the stereo. He smiled at just how adorable she was. ¡°Is this what love does to you? Makes you wimp out and over cautious. The normal Jake Carrero would have had that chick naked in less than three minutes, fucked, and back on deck to party within the first couple of hours on this boat. Man, by now you would have fucked her a dozen times in every position and moved onto someone else ¡­ You really are pussy whipped.¡± Daniel slumped back and shook his head at Jake, smirking uncontrobly. ¡°Shut up ¡­ I don¡¯t want to be that guy anymore.¡± Jake mirrored Daniel¡¯s pose and slid another beer from the table to cradle on his abdomen. Both staring up at the perfect starry sky contemting things in general. ¡°No, you don¡¯t want to be that way while your head is all invested in her. If she was out of the picture, you would revert to kind, mate.¡± Daniel prodded him in the shoulder and he flicked him away. ¡°Maybe she made me realize that doing all the shit I¡¯ve done in my past isn¡¯t enough, it was fun, but it was never fulfilling enough to make me happy. It¡¯s why I hit it so hard and so constantly ¡­ Looking for more and never finding it ¡­ Until her.¡± Jake looked towards his best friend with a sigh. Daniel regarded him coolly. ¡°Look, she¡¯s obviously hot for you tonight so go for it, do me a favor though. If she doesn¡¯t want more when you¡¯re both sober, Jake, then you need to move on, get back in the saddle and put this shit to bed. Bang her, spend the night making her fantasiese true but know if a line is drawn then all of this stops. You go back to who you were, and you let that chick do her job.¡± Daniel¡¯s stern tone was not that of a guy being a dick, but a best mate offering wisdom. Jake had to agree with what he was saying despite it not being what he wanted to hear. Tonight, was the turning point. If he made moves, and she wanted it, then he would go for it, but if she didn¡¯t then he would stop it all. And by all, he meant all of this celibate shit and pining for her and epting it was never going to happen. None of this was healthy, and he had no more energy for it. ¡°I should stop! I think I¡¯ve had enough.¡± He could hear her protesting Le¡¯s advances with more alcohol. Voicesing their way and Daniel raised an eyebrow at him before sliding off to join the twins dancing badly on deck with Marissa and Miracle. ¡°Hush now, we¡¯re on vacation ¡­ party, party, party!¡± Le was loud and obnoxious like her normally drunken ass could be. ¡°End upatose or throwing up in my own shoes, you mean?¡± Emma sighed as he watched her grabbing the rail for support. That perfect little body encased in that short floaty red dress and looking a little too divine. ¡°Your loss, sweet cheeks.¡± Le pouted cheekily and turned toward the dancing group with a smile, swinging her hips and leaving Emma to either follow or not. Emma turned his way looking at him in a way he knew meant she wanted to be beside him right now. She wants this ¡­ Take her cue, Jake. ¡°Come, bambino!¡± Jake¡¯s eyes met hers, a look between them that he couldn¡¯t mistake. Years of those same looks from women meant that, even on her, he could recognize it. Emma most definitely was finding him attractive enough tonight to want something more than just tonic touches and with a little beckoning finger wiggle, he patted the lounger beside him suggestively. She wants you, she wants this! Rx and go with it. His heart had upped its beat and his body was definitely feeling a little mmy, nerves kicking in and telling him he should drink a hell of a lot more. Jake never got nervous around women ¡­ Ever. She pushed herself off the rail without hesitation and with a sultry look pasted on her face, chewing her lip, she made her way toward him on unsteady legs. She got within a foot of the bed and fell ungraciously on top of him. Luckily even drunk Jake had fighters¡¯ reflexes and caught her soundly. Okay, maybe in some awkward ces that his hands shouldn¡¯t have strayed, but he pulled her to the side of him and wrapped an arm around her quickly to avoid drawing attention to the hand that had fully palmed her breast. She has amazing tits. ¡°Crap.¡± She breathed through a giggle that made him only want to pull her closer, her skin was a little cool from standing up on the deck all night and he wrapped his warmer body around her to cocoon her in his own heat. ¡°Bit drunk there, Miss Anderson?¡± Heughed at her, enamored by that twinkling set of eyes and the precious smile stuck in ce. Trying to erase the feel of her breast from his hand. ¡°Of course not,¡± she slurred and then looked immediately confused. Jake just cuddled her more, too goddamn perfect for words. He had it bad, and he knew it. Everything she did had him weak for her and even something as simple as cute slurring of words had him wanting to squeeze the life out of her. ¡°d to see you letting go.¡± He smiled, almost nose to nose with her. ¡°I think falling on top of your boss is more than letting go.¡± Sheughed, rxing in his arms and regaining control of her vocabry once more. ¡°I¡¯m not your boss for the next two weeks.¡± He winked suggestively, plying on the hints thickly that he waspletely on board with however she wanted to y this. Full flirt modeing out but being yed low. ¡°Okay, I shall rephrase ¡­ Falling on top of your temporary, not boss, is overdoing it.¡± She giggled again, the breeze blowing her hair up around her face suddenly, and he reached out to smooth it back so he could continue to stare into those cool blue pools of perfection. Her eyes had always drawn him, from that first time in his office those baby blues had captured him and haunted his mind, always. She could unravel him with one look. Chapter 288 Chapter 288 ¡°Do you need me to put you to bed?¡± he asked, hoping that if he got her away from watchful eyes and maybe alone they could further explore what this was tonight. He also hoped she was picking up the subtle hints in that question. Gentle handling, Carrero. Listen to her, read her signs. ¡°Do I not need to put you to bed?¡± she slurred again, and he couldn¡¯t help butugh at that suggestion. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. If only. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can handle way more alcohol than you, tiny.¡± He joked, keeping a firm hold on that body and letting his hands trail down her back slowly toward her ass, she wasn¡¯t stopping him, anyway. All signs that he wasn¡¯t reading this wrong at all. ¡°I¡¯m not so sure, I haven¡¯t seen you walk yet.¡± She pointed at him in the universal drunk air jab. Too goddamn adorable for words and her mouth was most definitely getting closer to his, her body moving toward him so very slowly. ¡°I¡¯m sure after seeing you make an attempt at that, it proves you¡¯re worse than me.¡± He shifted to move his groin away from her a little, she was getting too close forfort, and unlike most women who liked to feel the effect they were having on him he knew Emma wouldn¡¯t. She wasn¡¯t like any girl he had ever known, and this game of seduction was nothing like any he yed. The ball was in her court, and he was just ying along with whatever she was allowing. He wouldn¡¯t scare her off by moving in all Carrero panther-like. ¡°I like your dimples when you smile.¡± She prodded his face. Focusing on his features a little too closely, distracted by them it seemed and licking her lips as her eyes moved to his mouth. He all but groaned. She¡¯s giving every prompt and signal unknowingly, innocently ¡­ Fuck. ¡°And there she is.¡± He grinned trying to deflect just how horny she was making him right now. ¡°There who is?¡± she asked in confusion, a frown creasing her forehead and eyesing back to his. ¡°Drunk Emma ¡­ How are you doing? I missed you, baby.¡± He smiled, although truth be told she had been drunk since the restaurant. ¡°You missed drunken Emma?¡± she asked, blinking suspiciously. ¡°I did.¡± He smirked as that little jealous twinkle hit her eyes. All good signs for him. ¡°Why? ¡­ Do you like her more than me?¡± She pouted with sad eyes, not even smiling when he laughed at her and shook his head. Too sweet for words. ¡°You are drunken Emma ¡­¡± He soothed, shifting his knee between them a little to keep that wriggling body of hers from getting back into his groin as that was the way she was heading. Aware of it or not she had inched herself right against his chest and abdomen and caught her feet in his, she was trying to get as close as possible and it was taking all his willpower not to flip her on her back and just stick his tongue in her mouth. He was almost certain she wouldn¡¯t refuse it right about now but the voices of the others on deck were killing this. He wanted it a little more special than making out in front of them, especially Marissa and her wolfish eyes that had been undressing him all night. ¡°No. I¡¯m not ¡­ I¡¯m just Emma ¡­ Drunken Emma is ¡­¡± She looked flustered and he could onlyugh. ¡°Why are youughing? I¡¯m being serious!¡± She pulled her hands across her chest between them defiantly, but it only made her more appealing, he prodded her nose yfully. ¡°Both Emmas are you, they just choose toe out at different times. You¡¯re cute when you pout.¡± He prodded her in the face lightly again before pinching her nose. He could touch her all day and never tire of it. ¡°Why do you like her more?¡± She pped his hand away sulkily, more pouting and the saddest eyes he had ever seen, it just made him want tough all the more. God ¡­ adorable personified. Jesus. ¡°How can you not love this version of you?¡± He wrapped his arms tighter around her, now that she had taken them from her chest, back to her previous close position and nted a kiss on her cheek. He snuggled his head into the crook of her neck and maneuvered her body to mold into his a little better. If he wasn¡¯t in direct line of that luscious mouth, then he would less likely pounce on her and down here he could at least inhale that sweet skin and perfume to his heart¡¯s content. Jeez, she felt good. ¡°Pffft ¡­ I don¡¯t love her then.¡± She tried to wriggle free huffily, and he had to lift his head just to see that wounded expression which was all but killing him, she really had no clue how freaking awesome she was. ¡°Because I do?¡± He smiled at that adorable frown. ¡°Yes!¡± ¡°That makes no sense.¡± He jested, stopping the urge to poke her in the face. yground flirting techniques were not normally his thing, but she seemed to bring it out in him. ¡°Yes, it does ¡­ If you like her so much, she must be a leggy bimbo.¡± She sulked and looked away from him, all hints of childish green-eyed monster on show. Interesting. ¡°I already told you, I don¡¯t actually like leggy bimbos, Emma.¡± He lifted his head more to stare at her fully nose to nose. He instantly thought about stopping that sad little face with a kiss, he was close enough, sure enough, that she wanted him to, and yet he didn¡¯t want to do it this way. Not here. He inched close enough, eyes fully locked on the target and didn¡¯t take the shot. What the fuck is wrong with you? ¡°I don¡¯t believe you.¡± She almost gulped at the slight reaction to his near kiss, another hint that she was into this. He just had to stop being a pansy and just do it. Stop worrying about fucking things up and kiss her. He had built this moment up in his head so much that now he had too many nerves to try. She couldn¡¯t throw any more signals at him if she tried. ¡°Well, that¡¯s your prerogative.¡± He smiled softly this time, willing himself to just go for it. Moving in slowly once more, pushing his crazy scared shitless self aside and just forcing himself to kiss her. The scrapes and shifting noises on deck snapped his attention guiltily away as though his mom had just walked in and caught him trying to fuck someone in his room and he looked toward them. It was obvious by the way Daniel was maneuvering Miracle¡¯s dress off that sexy time was about to get underway and Daniel wasn¡¯t exactly shy about fucking in front of others or letting them join in. Shit. ¡°Time for bed ¡­ I know what Daniel¡¯s like. Show-time equals go time!¡± He didn¡¯t like the fact that Hunter was doing this with Emma here, he would never expose her to that sort of degrading show. Emma wasn¡¯t that kind of girl. ¡°What¡¯s he like? What do you mean ¡®show-time¡¯?¡± She looked at him questioningly as he effortlessly pulled up with her in his arms, he was getting her below deck before she saw anything that made her ufortable. ¡°He likes kinky sex, he¡¯s an exhibitionist, doesn¡¯t matter if you¡¯re male or female, he¡¯ll try to pull you in, he has no qualms about fucking in front of an audience.¡± He frowned Daniel¡¯s way knowing no way in hell would he ever let any of them touch his girl. Jake caught sight of Le getting up to leave too, she had never been into that whole scene and well, being Hunter, she didn¡¯t want to hang around to see. Richard was following her. ¡°Will you join in?¡± Emma squeaked at him, apletely crestfallen look on her face thinking that he might want to. His heart warming a little at the obvious upset thinking he might. He had her. Fuck no ¡­ She was far more alluring than that shit. ¡°No, it¡¯s not my thing, Emma.¡± Not anymore, not in a long time and especially not when he had something better to be a different guy for. ¡°You said you did it on your dad¡¯s boat when you were younger ¡­ group ¡­ stuff.¡± She used him softly, obviously thinking back to old conversations from when he was stupid enough to think they would just stay friends. He regretted being so open about his past, wondering if it made her look at him in the way she was looking at Daniel right now. Disgusted. Chapter 289 Chapter 289 Fuck. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. ¡°Who do you think was at the root of that?¡± He raised an eyebrow toward Daniel usingly, not that it was fair, he had never forced him into all that just helped it along. He pulled Emma along by the hand and toward the stair to the lower deck trying to get her away from this quickly. The music was louder now and Miracle, already lying naked on a lounger, had started to touch herself. The girl seriously had no shame, and it made Jake grimace. Why he¡¯d ever thought that lifestyle was better than this was beyond him. Looking at Emma he knew he would never go back to that shit even if he never got with her. ¡°So, you liked it then?¡± she asked looking back once more as Marissa got up and began a slow strip tease, her eyes following them. Jake ignored her and shrugged. Putting an arm around Emma to guide her and hold her up on those Bambi drunk legs of hers. ¡°I was young, it¡¯s just sex. I was pretty much partying and pissing my dad off at every turn.¡± He tried to y it off casually, wishing he had never let her know what was going on and just whisked her off quickly. She was too inquisitive when drunk and this was not putting him in a good light at all. She stumbled on the carpeted floor and he righted her, pulling her close protectively. He could feel the effects of the alcohol more now that he was upright and the rxed feeling moving over him fast. At least it was quelling his nerves. ¡°You don¡¯t do group sex anymore?¡± She hupped, still chasing this goddamn infernal subject and he could only frown and sigh internally. Jesus, Emma. Are you trying to ruin my chances with this? He smiled at her inplete frustration with her line of questioning, looking skywards for a little help. She was like a dog with a bone on this and it was killing him. ¡°I like your smile.¡± She smiled, obviously instantly distracted in her drunken haze. ¡°No, I don¡¯t, and I like that you like my smile, shorty.¡± He stopped and pushed her against the wall to steady her as he pulled his phone from his pocket as soon as he felt it vibrate, he swiped the screen seeing Daniel¡¯s text on the front and had to hide a visual reaction. Fuck her hard so she never wants to go back to being mates ¡­ Good luck! He wanted to kill him about now, swiping the screen closed and shoving it back in his pocket. ¡°I like when youugh like that.¡± He nced up at her trying like hell to stop visualizing fucking her now, thanks to Hunter, and trying instead to focus on her sweet girly giggling instead. Focus on her sweetness, not her cleavage, not her mouth, Carrero. ¡°Like what?¡± she asked innocently, still unable to stop grinning. He regarded her for a second then realized he had pretty much pinned her to the wall so every inch of her was against every inch of him, the hardness growing down between them in his pants was bing a little too prominent and he shifted away. ¡°Unguarded ¡­ I like drunk Emma.¡± He pulled her off the wall and lead her to her room, he would take her there and give her onest attempt at turning him down before he would make a move. As long as all the signs were the same as thest hour then he was going to kiss her. More if she wanted but right now he just wanted to kiss her more than anything. Sex would be a bonus he wasn¡¯t counting on. ¡°I like drunk Emma too,¡± she sighed, following him as he opened the hall door, his hand still grasping hers gently. ¡°I thought you said you didn¡¯t?¡± He frowned at her with a confused smile. Her drunkenness was as pr opposite to PA Emma as she could get. ¡°I was jealous ¡­ You like her way too much.¡± She pouted and looked a little forlorn which made him laugh out loud. Leading her the short distance to the next door. ¡°You¡¯re the same, Emma ¡­ No reason to be jealous, bambino.¡± He calmed hisughing, opening her bedroom door into the dark room and pulled her to the base of her bed, he had deliberately put her in a room next to his so he could be close if she needed him. Letting her go, he sat her on the end of the bed and undid her high-heeled silver sandals, sliding warm hands over delicate feet on his knees and feeling her watching him. He knew he should switch the lights on, but he knew what he was doing in here. He was going to rx her, then he was going to move in without hesitation and go for it. No lights needed for that. ¡°Nooo, you like one more than the other.¡± She sighed. He smiled and shifted closer, so he was between her open naked legs with her dress sliding up high as she amodated his body, nose to nose almost and practically the same height with her sat on the low bed and him on his knees. Not physically touching but he could feel that sizzle of electricity between them sparking in the darkness. He had been right about her giving off signals. He had no doubts anymore and thisst little invited maneuver was sealing the deal. PA Emma would never have let him slide into her open legs so suggestively. He reached out, touching her hair and running a hand through its silky softness, watching in the dim moonlit dark for her reactions. As expected she tilted her head toward his hand and parted her lips suggestively, her knees pressing to either side of his thighs as her body instinctively responded to him. All the things he had been watching for. Maybe sex was an option after all. ¡°I like both versions of you in different ways, equally.¡± He sighed, trying to keep his libido under control as his blood started warming up at her obviouse-ons, keeping close. ¡°What do you mean ¡®different ways¡¯?¡± She blinked up at him innocently. He sighed, running a hand across her face lightly and moving her hair to tuck behind her ear, he chewed his lip as he tried to think of the most diplomatic way of answering her. Truth be told he was in love with every version of her, but drunk Emma let him in more than the others, he got a chance of more with her. That¡¯s the only reason he wanted more of this version. ¡°PA Emma is cool and capable and she¡¯s the best assistant I¡¯ve ever had, she¡¯s funny and sharp, and she¡¯s good at what she does. I like PA Emma.¡± He nodded to himself, rattling off his mental tick list. Finished with her shoes, he kneeled up, so even though he was still on the floor his head was towering over Emma and his groin was not so pelvis to pelvis. ¡°You like her in an employee, employer way?¡± She reached up and toyed with his spiky hair childishly, instantly making him smile and raised eyebrows at this innocent un-Emma maneuver. Alcohol was definitely bringing out a whole new side to her and a flicker of guilt hit him in the stomach all of a sudden. Kissing her like this would overstep the mark; she trusted him to take care of her when she was drunk, and all of this was just drunk Emma letting go a little. The flirting, thee-ons ¡­ She wouldn¡¯t be like that sober and he was realizing how much of an abuse of her trust it would be to kiss her like this. It hit him suddenly and seemed to swamp his intentions with doubt at an rming rate. ¡°Yes and no ¡­ I just like her, because she¡¯s her.¡± His eyes came to rest on hers, an overwhelming feeling of disappointment hitting him in the gut. He couldn¡¯t hurt the rtionship they had this way. ¡°And drunk Emma?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a little infatuated with drunk Emma if I¡¯m being honest.¡± He pulled her hand down and straightened up to leave, resigned to doing the decent thing and walk the fuck away. Taking every ounce of his inner strength to do this. ¡°You are? Why?¡± She sounded sulky, maybe sensing a change in him but he had to do this for her. She meant more than a one-night stand or awkward drunken kiss and the more he thought about it, the more he knew he couldn¡¯t do this. Daniel was right, his head was fucked when it came to her and he over thought every single detail. ¡°Because she¡¯s fun ¡­ she doesn¡¯t guard what she says ¡­ or does.¡± He nodded toward her fingers, reinforcing what he was saying. Sober Emma would never have yed with his hair. ¡°She giggles and lets her hair down.¡± And trusted him to not take advantage when she was vulnerable. Shit. Chapter 290 Chapter 290 ¡°So do most of your leggy boobs.¡± She sulked at him again, big doe eyes that sucker punched him more, and a little petted mouth that was killing him right now. He couldn¡¯t believe he was contemting walking back to his room and stopping this. ¡°They¡¯re not the same. Not even close, be. They don¡¯t have the other side to her ¡­ That¡¯s what I mean by ¡°I like you both¡±. One can¡¯t exist without the other. I wouldn¡¯t like there to be only one and not the other.¡± He shrugged being almostpletely open about his feelings for her. ¡°So, you like my split personality? ¡­ A lover of the cray cray.¡± She grinned yfully motioning in circles at her temples and crossing her eyes. He smiled, that overwhelming affection for her cuteness hitting him hard and making his mind up for him. He wouldn¡¯t abuse her trust when she was drunk. He loved her and that meant no breaking boundaries when she was vulnerable. Fuck you, Carrero, wimp! He moved another hair from her face taking ast longing look with the intention of saying goodnight. Every part of his body was yelling at him, but he didn¡¯t care. He wanted her to be able to face him in the morning and deep down he knew this was not the way it should be between them. ¡°It¡¯s not split though, there¡¯re glimpses of both versions all the time, just one chooses to dominate ¡­ I see drunk Emma sometimes in PA Emma. When she asionally rxes too.¡± He had lost all his merriness, sobering up hard and lingering when he should have been walking out. ¡°Maybe she doesn¡¯t know how to rx all the time,¡± she confessed with a conspiratorial wink. Emma couldn¡¯t look anything but gorgeous to him. ¡°I think she¡¯s scared,¡± he answered thoughtfully, not sure if it was her he was talking about anymore, or him. Was he too scared to try to move things on? Was her being drunk an excuse? ¡°Why?¡± She watched him carefully, that sweet inquisitive expression on that wless face. He stood up, his hands moving to cross across his chest and moved away from her. Putting distance between them deliberately. ¡°Because letting her guard down means she lets go a bit of control and she likes to hold it all together. Letting go makes her vulnerable, leaves her exposed, and that¡¯s worse than death for her.¡± His voice was steady and low, betraying none of his emotion; it¡¯s what he knew about her, but she didn¡¯t know it was about him too. Moving in on Emma was letting his guard down fully, removing the final barrier which had kept him safe fromplete devastation. Wimping out was about protecting him as much as her. Protecting his heart from being broken again. ¡°If I¡¯m vulnerable, people can hurt me ¡­ Men can hurt me,¡± she whispered into the darkness of the room, sounding suddenly fearful, bringing him out of his own head and that fierce protective instinct for hering out to y. Watching her he bent so his forehead met hers and pressed their noses together, an awkward position for him but as natural as breathing. He wanted tofort her and make her feel safe. He would always keep her safe. It took precedence over everything. ¡°I¡¯d never let anyone hurt you, Emma.¡± He breathed against her. His handsing down to hold his weight on the mattress at either side of her thighs so he could stay leaning over her. Bringing them close enough to breathe the same air and smell her gentle tropical skin. ¡°What if you couldn¡¯t stop them?¡± She suddenly sounded so young and vulnerable and he wanted to squeeze her badly. He would die to protect her, always. ¡°I¡¯d always stop them.¡± He promised with conviction in his voice because he truly meant it. Emma sank toward him impulsively, looking like a lost child, reaching up so she could wrap her arms around his neck and brought their foreheads to touch. He wanted to close his eyes at the way she initiated this cuddle and imprint it to memory, she didn¡¯t often initiate touch at all. ¡°You won¡¯t always be around,¡± she said quietly. ¡°I¡¯m always around if you haven¡¯t noticed,¡± he said softly, bringing attention to the fact that since he had met her he had engineered almost a constant presence on purpose. Even before he knew what she was bing to him, he had wanted her around him all the time. He felt her lift her head and tug him a little closer, so their eyes could lock. The most intimate thing Emma had ever done, and he had to steel himself back in to stop the impulse to kiss her again. She looked so trusting which only calmed his fire. ¡°I guess,¡± she whispered at him. ¡°Let go, Emma ¡­ trust me to look after you ¡­ if not long-term, then for these two weeks at least. Trust me to protect you.¡± He was almost begging her. He wouldn¡¯t do this drunk but if she was this way tomorrow, then maybe he would. Sober, he would kiss her if she let him. ¡°I¡¯ll try,¡± she whispered, not loosening her hold on him at all. ¡°Good girl.¡± His arms came around her, pulling her up to him slightly for a gentle embrace to say goodnight and leave before he did anything stupid, lifting her from the bed for a full body embrace. ¡°Don¡¯t say that to me.¡± She paused mid hold, causing him to halt. Her voice childish. ¡°Why?¡± He was suddenly confused at what he had said. Good girl? What was wrong with that? ¡°Just don¡¯t ¡­¡± she said a little more firmly, he smiled in acknowledgment and slowly pulled her the rest of the way to cuddle her. Dismissing it for a conversation when she was more lucid. Emma snuggled into him a little too readily, making his body react in the worst kind of way for this given situation; he had to release his hold or impale her. The sudden release of her body made her stumble awkwardly and Jake cursed himself internally, reaching to catch her and losing his own footing as his toes hit the bed leg painfully. Fuck. Graceful this was not. He leaned forward too far to try to keep hold of her and somehowpletely lost his bnce, too drunk for these kinds of maneuvers and even though she weighed practically nothing he went down on top of her, nose to nose andughing like fools at the awkwardness of their ungraceful copse. His face was so close to hers and his body fully connected in such an intimate pose that for just a second, he couldn¡¯t react, his mind a whirling mess of ¡®kiss her ¡­ don¡¯t kiss her¡¯. He just stared instead like a dumb asshole and couldn¡¯t foresee Emma lunging at him full force in a sh. Her mouth connected with his so suddenly that she almost winded him and took a millisecond to realize that she was kissing him, Emma was kissing him! Fuuuuuckkk. His heart somersaulted to his abdomen and sent all manner of craziness inside of him. His mouth and hers entwined in seconds, moving into the one thing he had wanted for so long and being hit with an overwhelming onught of emotions and sensations all at once. Euphoric tingles and extreme hunger, losing himself in her taste. Goddamn, she tasted like peaches and cream and her soft lips and softer tongue were made for devouring. She kissed like an angel, a little unsure at first, obviously inexperienced which only made him want her more. He knew he should stop it, but he couldn¡¯t. The second her lips had met his he was lost to her and no amount of willpower would drag them apart right now. He was adjusting his body to lean all over her without crushing her and losing himself into the kiss in ways he had never experienced. This was love, he couldn¡¯t deny it anymore. The way she felt, what kissing her made him feel. He was lost with no hope of aeback after this. His hands moved to her hair and around her throat impulsively, wanting to hold her to him and im her. Softly holding her still so he could lead the kiss, showing her how to mold to him as she found her way. Her movements became more confident and meeting him wlessly, he loved the fact that it was obvious she hadn¡¯t done a whole lot of kissing this way, her inexperience was noticeable, but she was adjusting herself instinctively to him. She was his perfect pure angel. God, she was made to kiss him.This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. Chapter 291 Chapter 291 He could feel her heart rate increasing under him, her body moving to amodate him more comfortably and her breathing getting shallower as she got more turned on. Jake knew without a doubt this was heading for sex and he knew he might not have the willpower to stop it, lust consuming him and love driving him. He caught her hands in his and pressed them against the mattress beside her head, pulling away to catch his breath momentarily, trying to slow things down and gain control. Trying to rationalize this, but he couldn¡¯t, the way she was looking at him just pulled him back down. He had no control over this, she had opened a flood gate, and he wanted her so badly he had no say anymore. His head was nking his thoughts out and just lost to the sensations. He dropped back to that inviting mouth and gave himself all in, no regrets, no holding back, just kissing her more passionately and harder. Both breathing hard and fast, Emma responded with fervor, arms wriggling to be free to go to him. Legs moving up around his waist and inching herself against his abdomen even though he was trying to keep distance down there. She was moving against his body suggestively in time to the kissing and making him groan wildly. He knew Emma was no virgin, she had mentioned boyfriends from her teens, but she clearly had never been a casual sex kind of person which made this all the more intoxicating for him. Her movements were not skilled and honed, there was an innocence and almost awkwardness, holding onto him as though asking him to guide her. He had been with enough women in his lifetime to know this was almost as close to her being a virgin as he could get, and he fell in love with her all the harder. She wouldn¡¯t go all in for just a drunken night surely? He pulled away and kissed her again, this time sucking her bottom lip seductively and testing how far she may want to go. She writhed under him, reaching up to try to kiss him again, her body fully molded to his and despite his obvious arousal she wasn¡¯t backing down but pressing herself to him. Jake¡¯s head was cloudy with lust and he could no longer think straight, nothing except getting her body naked and being inside her. She was clinging to him and trying to pull him further into her, moaning at his touch, moaning as his tongue moved back into her mouth slowly and she began scrambling her hands free to haul him down by the shoulders greedily as though pinned together was not close enough. There was no denying she wanted this as much as him and he was beyond stopping it, his hands moving to skim the side of her breast and reveling in how fucking sexy her body was to him. Holding his weight up so he could shift against her harder. Bringing his groin to her pelvis and parting her legs further so there was no denying where he was pushing this, she just opened up and let them connect. Her body heat, scorching hot in the apex of her thighs, fueling his desire. He groaned against her mouth, her body too perfect for words, hand moving down to trace her thigh and head toward her heat ready to take this a step further without hesitation. That point of no return. There was a massive bang in the hall behind them, he had left the door wide open and the sudden noise made him jerk around quickly, shielding her to protect her from whatever it was. There was lots of hysterical screaming as the door filled with a dark looming figure of a man and Jake pulled away from her reluctantly to turn and look. Confusion clearing his foggy brain. ¡°What the f¡ª?¡± Jake was shocked yet angry that he had finally got to this point with the girl of his dreams and some asshole was wading in to ruin it. He was still on top of her, braced on his arms but their bodies still entangled achingly. ¡°Jake? Jake?¡± The voice at the door sounded hysterical. He recognized Richard¡¯s voice instantly. ¡°What is it?¡± he snapped, raging that this was his fucking life right about now. ¡°It¡¯s Daniel, he fell off the boat ¡­ We can¡¯t find him.¡± The Carrero Effect ~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~ Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn¡¯t found him. He wouldn¡¯t give up on him, he wouldn¡¯t lose his best friend this way. Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Le and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him. ¡°He¡¯s here, Mr. Carrero,¡± yelled out one of the crew from the speed boat nearby and he felt his body lose all fatigue and started swimming their way frantically. He could see them hauling a lifeless body into the boat under the moonlight and a sickness swept through him, a fear that maybe they had been toote which only made him swim faster to his friend¡¯s side Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. * * * The hospital had given Jake some dry clothes to wear, he hadn¡¯t really thought about anything when he had jumped into the air rescue chopper holding Hunter¡¯s hand, only that he had to be with him at all costs. It had all passed in a blur of drama and chaos. Daniel¡¯s lifeless, pale face lying still and closed- up on the stretcher below him, he felt like he had barely breathed in that entire journey to the maind hospital. Hunter had been breathing on his own but still wasn¡¯t conscious and the paramedics had been messing with tubes and venttors while Jake curbed his panic the best he could. He had lost a friend this way once before, saved them from drowning only to have them dieter from too much fluid intake. It had felt like an eternity sitting in that hall waiting for word, his stomach churning itself in knots and his hands trembling and cold when they had got here. The ship¡¯s captain had been sent back to the boat as daylight had broken. He wanted him to take care of Emma in his absence, it was the only rational thought he could formte, focusing on her to give him some peace. He hadn¡¯t given himself much chance to think about what had been happening with her when Daniel had fallen overboard, he had been focused on him and what was going on, the fear and agony of searching for Hunter. Anytime she hade into his head he had pushed her back down, wanting to analyze itter, not tarnish the happiest moment of his life with possibly the worst. Until he knew Hunter was going to be okay, all thoughts were on him. Losing Danny would be like losing Arrick, he was as close as a brother and would never forgive himself if he died. Chapter 292 Chapter 292 ¡°Mr. Carrero? Mr. Hunter is asking for you.¡± A young female voice drew his attention, looking up at a young nurse in blue scrubs beckoning him to follow, so he did without hesitation. She smiled his way warmly. ¡°He¡¯s okay? He¡¯s going to be okay, I mean?¡± He tripped over his words, half relief and half exhaustion. Walking behind her and trying to drag his heavy weight with him. He felt about a hundred years older suddenly. ¡°Yes, he will be kept in for observation of course but he¡¯s fine. His father has been notified and on his way.¡± Jake sighed, relief washing over him and a sudden ache to wrap arms around Emma shocked him. He didn¡¯t have his cell with him to call her. He¡¯d gotten here in soaked clothes, a shirt, and chinos, not even wearing shoes. Jake was ushered into a side room that resembled every hospital he had ever been in, a lot like that time he had gone with Emma to Chicago. A single bed that was tilted into afier position, surrounded by white curtains and a bunch of machines and Hunter sitting grinning at him from the middle of it all like a fucking asshole. Dressed in a hospital gown and tucked in like a goddamn child under blue sheets and a nket. ¡°Dickhead,¡± Jake grunted at him but still moved in for a shoulder to shoulder man-hug and patted his best friend on the back with sheer relief. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. ¡°You¡¯re my hero, baby, hear you swam your little lungs out like Aqua Man trying to find me.¡± Daniel winked at him, but he had the urge to just punch him in the face for being so fucking normal. ¡°Fuck head. At least pretend to be remorseful or at least injured, right now you¡¯re making me want to hurt you and I wouldn¡¯t feel any guilt at all.¡± Jake flicked Hunter in the forehead in agitation then hauled a seat over and slumped down ungraciously. ¡°Charming! You look like crap ¡­ Tired and definitely not like a guy who gotid.¡± Hunter eyed him up warily and Jake only stuck the V up at him. ¡°Yeah, well, whose fault is that?¡± he growled at him grumpily, rubbing his face and feeling severalyers of fatigue hitting him all at once. Relief was a funny thing, it let loose everything he had been holding back for hours and all of a sudden, he was drained in the worst kind of ways. Goddammit, he was beyond tired and no longer anywhere near drunk at all. ¡°Sorry, bud ¡­ So, how far did you get with little miss icy pants?¡± Hunter grinned but Jake only red at him coldly. ¡°Don¡¯t call her that. Danny? How the fuck did you fall off the boat? There are safety rails for that specific reason and even a drunk asshole like you couldn¡¯t just tumble over them.¡± Jake shifted in his chair trying to find afier spot but couldn¡¯t. His body aching and desperately in need of sleep. ¡°Misdirection! Interesting ¡­ So maybe started something but didn¡¯t finish it huh?¡± Daniel smirked his way and got another finger aimed his way. ¡°How?¡± Jake repeated. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll go first if you go second ¡­ no bullshit from either of us ¡­ deal?¡± Hunter looked sheepish and peaked Jake¡¯s attention. He obviously had something juicy he was hiding. He sighed and then nodded knowing Hunter wouldn¡¯t give this topic up. ¡°I saw Richie trying to coerce Le into my wild little party, pulling at her dress and trying to haul her back ¡­ She was saying no, and I just saw red. I flew for him but being drunk as fuck I misaimed and went straight over the rails. I don¡¯t think they were even looking my way so everyone thought I¡¯d just jumped up and Superman dove into the ocean.¡± Hunter shrugged, a little color rising up his cheeks with embarrassment and Jake couldn¡¯t do anything but burst outughing. He leaned into his knees and just gave in to the worst kind of hysterics. Relief, pent-up emotional trauma. Who knew? But heughed so much his sides started to ache, and tears poured down his face, when he stopped he realized Hunter wasughing too. Just how ridiculously close he had been to death in trying to save Le from an orgy he had started. The whole thing waspletely crazy. ¡°Jesus, Danny ¡­ for the love of God please tell the fucking girl you love her for fuck¡¯s sake!¡± Jake hauled his arms around his ribs to stop the ache, but Hunter just raised a knowing eyebrow at him. They knew it wasn¡¯t that simple. ¡°Touche!¡± He winked at Jake but was met with another heavy sigh. ¡°Yeah, whatever.¡± Jake shrugged and once again pushed thoughts of Emma away, he didn¡¯t really want to think about this right now. ¡°So?¡± Hunter pushed at him with a finger and Jake red back. Telling him was inevitable and a part of him wanted to talk about it. Let it out of his head. ¡°We kissed ¡­ for a while ¡­ would have been more if some idiot hadn¡¯t nosedived off the fucking boat.¡± Jake shrugged and tried to rx but talking about this had him tense and edgy. He couldn¡¯t pinpoint why. It had been everything he had thought it could be, more, but now in harsh daylight and sober as hell he was worried as to what would happen now. How Emma would feel. Maybe not getting to sex had been a saving grace instead of a cmity. ¡°You don¡¯t think she wants more do you?¡± Hunter was eyeing him up intensely, reading his best mate effortlessly as he always did. ¡°No.¡± Jake hated to admit it, saying it out loud hurt like hell but something deep down was telling him he was crazy to think someone like her would even want more with someone like him. His past, his lifestyle, and all the shit he had done even while she was his PA. He had fucked it all up by not realizing from day one he should have been showing her he could be a guy worth more. Not a yboy asshole with a string of fuck buddies and a long history of wild parties and reckless acts. It was no wonder Emma never looked beyond friendship, the chemistry was there for both of them, but he was an asshole to let her see into all that he had been so easily. Last night had been drunken fun for her, he was stupid not to realize that. How could he win over a girl like her, a pure and sweet angelic girl when he had done nothing to deserve her? ¡°Look, man, you know how I feel about this ¡­ If you think there¡¯s no future in it you need to be the one to cut ties.¡± Hunter was frowning at him and he knew what he meant. Firing Emma so they didn¡¯t work together anymore was thest thing he would ever do. He couldn¡¯t imagine not having her in his life. ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ I won¡¯t,¡± he said firmly, his no-nonsense tone that even Hunter knew not to argue with. ¡°Then you need to cut ties emotionally. If she wants to be just friends and co-workers, then you need to get up and go back to who you were until she doesn¡¯t mean anything anymore.¡± Hunter was watching him,ying back on the cushions a little helplessly. ¡°Has that worked for you?¡± He regarded him thoughtfully. ¡°It helps. Over time, I hope I feel nothing for her, but over thest couple years I find it easier to put her out of my head.¡± Hunter shrugged again, and they both looked up at the ceiling to contemte the craziness that was Hunter¡¯s love for Le. Jake tried to imagine doing the same thing and couldn¡¯t. He was far worse than Hunter in terms of how he felt and his rtionship with Emma wasn¡¯t exactly something he could just drop and run off to the other side of the world from. He was her boss and love aside, he did actually need her at work. She was amazing at what she did, and he didn¡¯t have the heart to look for another PA. He didn¡¯t want another PA. Jake got back to the boat in the early morning, a long drive from a passing farmer he managed to g down and then having to persuade a boat trip out to the moored yacht from a local when he got to port. Not having his phone or any form of money on him had been brutal, but he was d to be finally climbing the silverdder onto the back deck of the boat. Hunter was being kept in for forty-eight hours to make sure he would have nosting effects and some minor antibiotics to make sure he didn¡¯t catch any bugs. He woulde back to the boat in due time, so Jake was happy to leave him. Seeing one of the crew approaching at his arrival he beckoned him over. Chapter 293 Chapter 293 ¡°Go to my room and get some money from the vanity and pay the guy for the ride ¡­ Just take whatever¡¯s there.¡± He patted the crewman on the back knowing he was trustworthy and left him to speak the native tongue of the local to pay him for the kindness. Jake was too tired to deal with any more, he wanted to find Emma and check she was okay, tell her that he was back and then go to bed. He was exhausted and almost dead on his feet. ¡°Ricardo?¡± He turned to the young man quickly ¡°Where is Miss Anderson?¡± he asked pointedly. ¡°Up on deck, sir, she was on the loungers about five minutes ago.¡± The young man nodded his way, receiving a pat on the shoulder as way of thanks and Jake headed for the stairs to the upper deck. It was early even for an early riser like Emma, suggesting she had probably waited on him all night and that didn¡¯t make him happy at all. She would be as tired as him. ¡°Emma?¡± he called out as he got to the top of the deck and could see herid out on the double lounger like an angel resting on the clouds. God, she was a sight for sore eyes, and just being back within ten feet of her rxed every taut muscle in his body. He felt like he had been tense waiting to get back to her and could finally breathe now that he could see her. ¡°Hey.¡± She smiled shyly from her position on the lounger as he walked forward intently, she just looked too inviting to not go to her and all thoughts of anything else swam from his fuzzy head. She was like a constant lure for him, pushing sense aside. He slid down beside her on the lounger with a satisfied sigh, his body giving way to thefort of lying down. He sprawled alongside her, not caring if he draped all over her, too fatigued to move, andy on his front. He buried his face in his arms to block out the light and felt like he could fall asleep instantly beside her, the smell of her and her nearness was like being home, and now his brain was shutting down with relief. Despite his brain closing down slowly, he could feel her breath on his arm and her eyes on his profile, silently looking at him. He could sense her, her shyness at saying anything vibrating his way and as much as he wanted to just sleep he wanted her to be okay aboutst night too. ¡°I¡¯m still awake,¡± he mumbled, sliding an arm out across her waist with his eyes closed, pulling her to his side so he could snuggle into her and kill this insane need to stare at her. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but he didn¡¯t have the energy to do anything about it. He moved his face nearer her neck so he could tuck his forehead against her hair and inhale all the sexy goodness and subtle tropical scent that was just her. He had missed her like crazy. ¡°You smell good,¡± he muttered almost incoherently, still with eyes shut and sleep trying to overtake him. He could feel her slowly beginning to tense her body, her breathing bing shallower and the tell- tale signs of Emma going into PA mode, all business and no emotion. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. Fuck, he didn¡¯t need this version right now. ¡°Thanks,¡± she muttered a little tightly. Jake sighed internally that she wasn¡¯t even going to give him five minutes to rejoice inst night before ripping this to shreds for him. He smiled against her naked skin with a little hint of defeat, smiled because he knew her only too well. ¡°Are you ever going to just learn to let go, Miss Anderson? When you¡¯re sober.¡± He sighed again, wishing she was still drunk for at least a little while. ¡°What do you mean?¡± She sounded irritated, maybe a little surprised. ¡°I can feel you ¡­ stiffer than a board ¡­ why so formal afterst night?¡± He smiled again. Teasing her might be more fun than an argument right about now, not that he could do much. He had no use of his limbs anymore. He felt her movements and the tell-tale motion of her twisting her hair anxiously, her cute little annoying habit of nerves on show. Goddammit, Emma. He reached up, covered her hand in his and pulled her fingers away from that soft, beautiful hair. ¡°Rx, I only want to sleep,¡± he mumbled, returning his arm to its previous throw across her waist casually. ¡°Stop thinking and sleep with me ¡­ you look tired.¡± Hemanded a little more than he meant to, but he wanted thisst time with her before reality set in and she found every reason to rip his heart out. He felt her eyes on his face again and knew she was probably ring at him for pulling her fingers out of her hair like she always did. Truly a return to her uptight former self and not even a hint of carefree holiday Emma left on show. ¡°I¡¯m not tired,¡± she huffed childishly, feathers ruffled for whatever reason and whatever he had done this time. Hungover, Emma was on show and even though it was normally cute, not so much today when he actually cared about what had happened between themst night. He felt her slide out of his arms, leaving him feeling a little empty. ¡°I¡¯m going for a swim,¡± she added as she rose, voice all cool and very PA and Jake could only sigh at her return. Last night had obviously pushed her further than she wasfortable with and here she was reeling it back in again with a vengeance. Jake lifted his head to look at her walking away, sexy and cute all rolled into one perfect little package of sheer angelic beauty. He felt that ache of longing at knowing this would never be what he wanted, and she was already closing down on him. ¡°Don¡¯t drown ¡­ I don¡¯t have the energy for a repeat ofst night.¡± He sighed, watching her leave with a serious bout of regret at leavingst night, as much as he was d to stay by his best mate¡¯s side he couldn¡¯t help but wish he had stayed with her and seen through whateverst night had been. More now than ever seeing as cold and closed off Emma had made a grand return. She was back in work mode, and he was not too happy about that at all. When Emma had left the deck Jake hauled himself up, the lounger no longer appealing without her on it and dragged himself back to the confines of his own room to sleep in peace away from the death rays of the sun. Leaving it dark and only kicking the door semi-closed he copsed face down on the bed, barely managing to haul the covers back with his heavy fatigued body and passed out immediately. * * * Jake finally woke up feeling almost normal, his room was still in darkness, and he had no clue how many hours he¡¯d been asleep. He was still in the exact position he¡¯d flopped down in and was now stiff as hell. He pulled himself up and dragged his aching muscles to the en suite shower in an attempt to wake up fully. He hated sleeping the day away even if he had an excuse and wanted to make sure he did something more active thanzing around today to counterbnce his messed up sleeping pattern. Once showered and dressed he headed up on deck to see what the crew had going for breakfast, or lunch, or whatever the hell time of the day it was. For all he knew it could be evening, anyway. Heading up into the sun he was surprised, and a little irritated, to see Emma had fallen asleep under the highest point of it in the day, it was noon judging by its position, and she was only being saved from the rays by a book over her face. He knew it was her just from that little body alone, she had a figure the other girls should envy, soft curves and perfectly proportioned little limbs. Even her dainty feet always fascinated him. He¡¯d never been a fan of small delicate girls before Emma but somehow it only added to everything about her that was perfect. He sat down on the lounger beside her, smiling at the romance book cover with a shake of his head. The girl wasplicated, to say the least, he would never have pegged her for romance books, and he slid it away slowly to reveal her peaceful perfection underneath. Tiny little nose and perfectly kissable lips, a perfect face if he ever saw one and the tiniest hints of freckles forming over the bridge of her nose now she was getting a tan. He gently brushed her hair away from her forehead, savoring the silent moments before she woke up fully. Taking in a face that would haunt him for a lifetime. Chapter 294 Chapter 294 ¡°Hey.¡± He sounded husky as she began to rouse with the sun fully hitting her face, adorably sleepy and those perfect soft blues that he loved so much flickering open to melt his heart some more. I love you, bambino. ¡°Hey.¡± She half smiled, half blinked up at him sleepily, his heart aching a little too much. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t sleep in the sun,¡± he scolded gently, watching her trying to focus on him. Even though he¡¯d put himself in between the sun and her to shield her, she seemed to be having a hard time looking at him properly, squinting at the brightness. ¡°I didn¡¯t intend to.¡± She blinked some more as Jake slid his sunsses onto her face, smiling back when she smiled at him in that endearing way she had. He knew they had to talk aboutst night and set things straight, not just brush it aside as she seemed to want to do. He didn¡¯t want to do it here either. ¡°Want to go somewhere?¡± Jake looked off to the ocean, away from her face. A deep sense of trepidation that this was not going to go how he wanted it to but that doing it was unavoidable. ¡°Such as?¡± She sounded inquisitive, mellower than before he had gone to bed and less PA toned. He shrugged in reply, he just wanted them away from here, away from the others who would start questioning him about Hunter, tilting his head up to watch the sea crashing on the distant shore to give him some sense of calm. ¡°Anywhere but here.¡± He sighed dejectedly. He had told Hunter that deep down he knew Emma didn¡¯t want a rtionship with him, but he had always held a tiny spark of hope that he was wrong. Being here now with her afterst night and how normal she seemed had killed all his chances. He knew undeniably that Emma was never going to see him as anything other than a boss and a friend. ¡°How¡¯s Hunter?¡± she asked gently, watching his face a little too closely. ¡°He¡¯s fine ¡­ he will be. They just need to monitor him. Secondary drowning is a risk when you swallow as much as he did.¡± He answered on autopilot, his head too wrapped up in what was missing between them to divulge much about Danny. ¡°Secondary drowning?¡± she asked looking at him shyly. ¡°You can drown long after youe out of the water. It¡¯s in your lungs still.¡± He tensed, remembering ke Carlisle, his childhood friend who¡¯d drowned after a stupid drunken boat party. It hurt to remember him. ¡°So where will we go?¡± she asked a little more brightly, a smile stered on her face, but it did nothing for his mood. She was so far removed from the Emma ofst night it was scary. ¡°We could drive somewhere.¡± He went back to watching the horizon instead of that beautiful face of hers, tense, distracted. He just needed to get things moving and get this over and done with. He had formted a n at the hospitalst night with Hunter. A way out of this emotional mess he was in if things were looking hopeless with her. ¡°Okay.¡± She smiled a little warily, unsure of his mood. ¡°Shall I get changed?¡± He shook his head, looking over her floaty dress and sandals, she was always gorgeous no matter what she chose to wear but in the summer clothes and dresses she was even more so. ¡°No ¡­ You look perfect.¡± His eyes flickered down the length of her as she got up, waving her book at him to say she was going to put it in her room. He watched her walk away elegantly and felt his stomach drop heavily. He had got enough from these few minutes to know he might be putting his n into actionter today. Emma wasn¡¯t the same girl of yesterday, the connection was gone, and she was most likely never to get that drunk again, knowing how far they had gone. Minutester, Emma walked back on deck toward him, looking every bit the angel who held all the keys to his heart and every bit the destroyer of it. He smiled, despite feeling like absolute hell, and gestured for her to follow him to the stairs again to get off the boat. * * * N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. Driving the coastal roads on the cliffs above where the yacht was moored in the rented sports car wasn¡¯t helping Jake¡¯s mood much, despite thepanionable silence between them, he was tense as hell. He caught her looking his way a few times, but he ignored it, keeping his eyes on the winding road, and handling the powerful car expertly. He had been using the quiet time to think things through, look for ways to fix this, other oues and yet always came back to the same problem. Emma just didn¡¯t feel the same way about him, and he had to ept it. Sighing to himself for the hundredth time, he tried to focus on just the here and now, of being with her and enjoying the beautiful scenery and the rest of their trip. Feeling her eyes on him once more he tried to lighten his mood, smiling her way softly, remembering a little too well what she had felt like in his arms. That soft mouth and smooth skin, that tongue of hers meeting with his, that body molded so seamlessly to his own. If anything, he could imprint all of it to memory for a lifetime and never regret one second of it. To be able to kiss her so freely had been more than he had ever imagined it could be. ¡°So? Are we literally just driving then?¡± she asked brightly, breaking the silence between them and looking his way openly, a small subtle smile on show. ¡°Nope,¡± he replied unemotionally and just kept his gaze fixed on the crazy road to maneuver another dangerous narrow turn. ¡°No clues?¡± She tried again with another look his way, a small hint at irritation. ¡°None!¡± Jake just answered in the same unemotional one-word way. He didn¡¯t much feel like talking just yet, he had a scenic destination they were heading for that he could stop at. ¡°How do you know I¡¯ll like it?¡± She bit a little more aggressively, temper rising quickly in her. Emma was obviously still hungover and easily irritated but it only grated on his already fragile mood. He shrugged as a response. ¡°It¡¯s not fun is it?¡± he responded dryly, unable to keep a curb on the emotions building up inside of him now that they were nearing the lookout point where he intended to stop. His own hangover biting and emotions fragile. ¡°What?¡± she snapped back around, catching his face turned her way for a second, both of their eyes narrowed at each another. ¡°Being closed out.¡± He tried for nonchnt, but emotion betrayed his words, he just sounded sarcastic and he knew he was being an asshole, but he couldn¡¯t help it. Getting closer to stopping and really talking was no doubt getting closer to Emma telling him this would always be a boss and PA rtionship and he was hurting like hell. ¡°What does it take, Emma?¡± He asked impulsively, really wanting to know what he had to do to just get her to look at him the way he looked at her. He shifted gear, eyes back on the road and whole body tense as hell while he waited on her response, he was driving a little faster and heart beating louder. He knew he was working himself up into this frenzy of a bad mood and had little control over it. ¡°Jake, please ¡­ what are you talking about?¡± Emma shifted awkwardly in her seat, fixing her seat belt as though the speed was making her nervous and he eased his foot on the gas a little. Slowing down to round another turn. ¡°You¡¯re not even going to mentionst night? Is that another conversation over?¡± he snapped at her as emotion overtook and regretted it almost immediately. Cool the fuck down, Carrero. ¡°You didn¡¯t mention it either.¡± She spat a little too aggressively back at him. Riled by his mood, obviously and changing the whole tone of how he had intended this conversation to go. ¡°I was waiting to see if you would.¡± He tried to keep control of his tone this time, trying to defuse the anger and just talk. He wasn¡¯t doing a good job of it at all and every word out of his mouth sounded snarky as fuck. ¡°Why?¡± she snapped, still pissed, and he could only shrug. He had wanted her to broach the subject, acknowledgest night in some way because it fucking hurt him that she hadn¡¯t. That it had been nothing to her except a drunken mistake. Chapter 295 Chapter 295 ¡°Jake, it shouldn¡¯t have happened, we crossed a line.¡± She nced his way, softening her tone the way she did at work when she was trying to soothe a bad mood over some shitty business meeting. She was pandering to him, and he couldn¡¯t fucking stand it over this. He lost thest ounces of control on his temper. ¡°And there she is! Right back to square one.¡± The sarcasm was thick in his tone. His body stiffening in his seat with sheer anger and heartbreak fighting each another for control. ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± She turned at him angrily. ¡°Anytime you get close, Emma, even a hint of letting go, you snap right back in and shut the door. No conversation, no acknowledgment of it, just wham. Over!¡± He barked at her, letting his anger loose, unable to stop the infernal ache in his gut from leaking out. ¡°What?¡± She hissed with a sardonicugh. ¡°Because I won¡¯t sleep with my boss? I¡¯m not letting myself go? That¡¯s being closed off?¡± She turned away anger ming her face, body seething rage, and he wanted to punch the goddamn windscreen so badly. ¡°I don¡¯t think there was any doubt about itst night. It¡¯s not the issue ¡­ it¡¯s the afterwards, Emma.¡± His voice wasced with venom, anger seething from every pore, his body tense. He had never been on this side of it before, women had always wanted more from him, and he hadn¡¯t felt anything. Knowing that was now Emma¡¯s stance got to him more than anything ever had in his life, knowing what she was probably thinking right now because he had been that same cold bastard so many times. ¡°I was drunk ¡­ being stupid, anyone can make a mistake!¡± She huffed and stayed looking away from him. Shifting herself away so she could turn her body from him toward the door. Jake felt that surge of complete ache hit him hard, rage kicking in and he mmed the car to a halt with his foot hitting the floor on the brake pedal. Uncontainable pain oozing from every pore. This wasn¡¯t her ¡­ his Emma was not this cold-hearted, unfeeling bitch who just mmed sex like that; who dismissedst night as a drunken mistake not worth mentioning. Everything loose in the car flew around them dramatically but he didn¡¯t care, he needed to get out and away from her before he ripped the goddamn steering wheel off and used it to smash the windscreen out. He felt her looking his way as he hauled off his belt and got out of the car. Stalking far away from it and leaving the door wide open, walking to the cliff edge to try to regain some control over the huge swarm of painful emotions consuming him right now. For a second, he had an urge to jump off the fucking cliff just so it would stop. He dragged in a few deep breaths to cool his jets, simmer his mood until he had control once more. His pain dulled down as sheer anger overtook him, anger that she would be this way aboutst night. Anger that despite knowing it would turn out this way, he had still gone down this fucking route. Anger that he hadn¡¯t just left it alone and enjoyed a day on the beach with her doing anything except this shit. He was a fucking moron. Calmer, he turned back and slid into the car once more, swallowing it down, breathing hard. He knew there was no way ofing out of this conversation now and he had to do this, for his own sanity if nothing more. Things between them couldn¡¯t keep going on this way andst night had been a final line for him. He couldn¡¯t stay loving a girl who only wanted friendship. ¡°It¡¯s not about sex, Emma,¡± he said quietly putting his hands back on the steering wheel to give him a point of focus, but he didn¡¯t start the car. ¡°It¡¯s about this eternal need in you to stay in full control. Never letting anyone in, never letting yourself enjoy anything and letting your guard down.¡± It was about her inability to love him the way he loved her and as much as he tried to skirt around the issue, there was no getting away from it anymore. It was make or break time. ¡°That¡¯s not true,¡± she replied defensively, looking at him like a wounded rabbit caught in headlights. His gut aching again that he was doing this to her right now. ¡°Really? Emma, I¡¯ve been with you for months now, I¡¯ve seen just about every version of you there is ¡­ Tired, grumpy, bossy, happy, PMSing like fuck.¡± He was calmer, her sad expression simmering the heat of his temper, but his voice was strained, that edge to his tone that hinted at anger bristling below the surface. ¡°I¡¯ve seen vulnerable only briefly.¡± He nced at her and she looked away a little too quickly. ¡°I get it, Emma ¡­ you¡¯re strong, you want everyone to see that. You don¡¯t need anyone, but it¡¯s not who you are ¡­ and it¡¯s not true.¡± He didn¡¯t want it to be true, he wanted her to need him. ¡°Yes, it is. Do you ever think that maybe you overthink it and try to see stuff that isn¡¯t there?¡± she spat angrily, turning to him frostily and ring him down in that way she intimidated people at work. He didn¡¯t even blink at it, he knew this look on her was nothing more than a defense mechanism to make people back off. ¡°I think I know you better than most people.¡± He sighed, knowing this was going nowhere that he wanted it too. He did know her, knew that he was fighting a losing battle and he no longer knew why he was even trying. ¡°What if I don¡¯t know how else to be, Jake?¡± She turned to him usingly ¡°You keep pushing ¡­ keep telling me to let go but what if I can¡¯t? What if this is me ¡­ this is all I know ¡­ I¡¯m not capable of doing it any other way because I don¡¯t know how.¡± She started yelling at him, eyes brimming with emotion and he couldn¡¯t help but ache. Even mad she was too beautiful for words, mad and closing him down little by little. All he was ever going to get wasst night, the memory of a kiss that he wanted one more time. Throwing caution to the wind and knowing this would probably make her madder than hell he thought ¡°fuck it¡± and threw his lips against hers. Without hesitation, his mouth molded to hers and lips searched hungrily for the feeling ofpletion she gave him. He was surprised when she responded to his kiss and opened her mouth to meet his. Jake felt every part of him sag into her, his hands finding their own way into that soft hair, tangling his fingers, and pulling that sweet mouth closer. Tongues gliding against one another, lips perfectly connected and the easy motion of two people so right to kiss each another that it made him die a little inside. He felt her fingers travel up his chest and tangle in his shirt cor, tugging him toward her and his heart soared. Maybe he had been wrong about this and she was finally letting go. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. Tilting her head more to amodate his mouth on hers, giving as much to him as he was to her, not breaking the embrace but pushing it higher and hotter. Breathing heavily and getting lost in the sensation of the kiss equally. They both moaned lightly as the kiss deepened, soft lips and intense feeling pushing him on. He wanted her closer, needed to feel that body he longed for against him. Letting go with one hand and sliding down to find her belt buckle he unclipped it. Sliding an arm around her waist he pulled her into his body as best he could in the small confines of the car, pressing as much as he could have her to him hungrily. Praying for seconds longer to enjoy this but feeling her start to lose the passion between them. Her hands loosened their hold on his shirt, her kissing keeping time with his, but he could feel her reluctantly pulling back as her palms turned to his chest and she gently started pushing him away. Disappointment, anger, heartbreak all colliding at once as he reluctantly pulled away from her and sat back, letting her go dramatically, no longer able to keep his emotions in check. He looked at her with such devastation. ¡°That¡¯s exactly what I mean!¡± he bit in pain. ¡°This is your biggest enemy, Emma ¡­ not me.¡± He tapped her temple with a finger, an extreme crushing pain in his chest as he watched her soft expression move back to cold defensive PA mode, back behind her safe barriers. ¡°Why did you do that?¡± she spat at him, both breathing hard and trying to regainposure. ¡°To prove a point,¡± he snarled and turned away. He had no point to prove, just a longing to kiss her one more time and feel everything he had felt once more to savor it because deep down he knew it would be thest fucking time. This was over. Chapter 296 Chapter 296 ¡°What point?¡± she asked him usingly, anger and emotion all over that face. So confused. He scrubbed his hands through his ruffled hair and sighed, grasping at some sense of control and thinking he should just have got out and gone for a walk, but he didn¡¯t. ¡°What does it matter?¡± his voice was deted. He was deted and tired. He was giving up and just wanted to go back to the boat and forget this day ever started. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°Fuck you!¡± Emma screeched at him angrily, tears filling her eyes and shocking all the anger out of him. She had never actually sworn at him while yelling like that, and he was rendered momentarily speechless. He hadn¡¯t ever seen Emma scream at him quite like that either,plete emotional rage. She turned, shoving the car door open, and was gone in a sh, storming away from the car. Impulsively, he followed in hot pursuit. Guilt eating at him and an inability to ever just let her be upset, even if he was the cause. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He caught up in seconds as she stalked toward the road, pulling her back into him and spinning her around to face him, tear-stained and all and it just hit him in the stomach like a punch. Emma crying was something he could never handle, she rarely did it, and when she did, he felt like the biggest dickhead on the. He hated seeing her cry, it wounded him in ways he could never exin. She tried to fight him off angrily sobbing, but he just folded her into his embrace, pushing his face into her hair and cradling her so she couldn¡¯t get away, trying to soothe her. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Emma, stop ¡­ Emma. I¡¯m sorry.¡± His voice was raw and strained. She kept fighting but was losing against his sheer size and strength, she was no match. He just held her close, stopping her outbursts and trying to cuddle her in until she finally began to slump and give up the effort. Finally stilling in his arms, silently crying against him yet not really cuddling him back. He knew if he let her go she would still walk off. ¡°I don¡¯t want to fight with you.¡± His voice was quieter, closer to her ear, his crazy mood taking a new direction again and just trying to stop the stupidity between them. No matter how he felt for her, above all she was meant to be his friend and friends didn¡¯t hurt each other like this. ¡°I don¡¯t want to fight either.¡± She swallowed a sob. Slumping into him dejectedly and he could only hold her closer, that horrid feeling of sadness sweeping through him once more. ¡°Maybe we should go back to the boat.¡± He sounded tired, he was emotionally exhausted and physically fatigued from the events of thest twelve hours. He had no fight left in him and right now all he wanted to do was lie down and try to block all of this out of his head for a few hours. ¡°Maybe,¡± she whispered with slight relief and Jake just snapped at her easy agreement. Losing his temper erratically for no obvious reason other than all of this just fucking sucked and he wanted her to care more about it. He couldn¡¯t exin or control any of this anymore. ¡°No,¡± he snapped, surprising her and making her tense in his arms, looking up with a look of pure confusion. Fuck this shit ¡­ Fuck her and everything she did to him! He stalked to the car quelling the urge to push her away from him, cing his hands on the hood in a bid to stop the angry energy surging through his entire body. He needed to go to a gym and beat another boxing bag to death to get rid of it this time. ring at the hood of the car and wondering how much damage he could inflict before his hands gave out. ¡°I can¡¯t do this, Emma,¡± he snapped, his gaze was steady on the hood of the low sleek car. He clenched a fist and went for a punch, stopping it millimeters from the hood andying his palm back t on the hot sun heated surface. Deep breathing to try to curb every internal crazy impulse. ¡°Do what?¡± Emma tried softly, keeping her distance and obviously a little wary of his mood. He tried to quell it some more for her sake. ¡°This! Us!¡± He waved his hand in an exasperated motion, turning back to her, looking at her with sheer frustration and frowned. ¡°You drive me crazy ¡­ and not in a good way.¡± He sighed. Facing the car again. His body emanating all kinds of crazy signals no doubt, but he had no control over all the crazy messed up emotions colliding from months of this hell with her. ¡°I do?¡± Her small fragile voice soundedpletely surprised. She had no clue at all the effect she had on him which only strengthened the fact she saw only friendship between them. She was so innocent and na?ve to what this really was for him. Too angelic for words. He sighed again, and his face tensed. ¡°You frustrate me on so many levels.¡± He carried on, deted again. Just so fed up with everything that this was. ¡°Sorry,¡± she murmured sarcastically, he could tell she was probably rolling her eyes too, while he wanted to just forget he ever met her. He threw her an unamused look over his shoulder, seeing her look down to twiddle her fingers nervously and it only made him sigh. Looking back at the car to get a grip on himself and reality, he began kicking at the solid rubber of the tire with his boot toe childishly, trying to just distract his head from the urge to throw something. He needed to self-calm. ¡°Why do you never talk about your childhood?¡± His tone softened, new direction, trying to change this whole topic to something else ¡­ anything. He didn¡¯t even know why he would choose this topic among them all. He just needed to talk about anything else, maybe a little insight into her past would help him understand why she was this way. Simmer his anger. ¡°What?¡± He heard the defensive scared tone in her voice instantly and it didn¡¯t help with his own mood. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to talk about ¡­ You have knowledge of the highlights,¡± she said drily, that warning tone in her voice she used when the conversation was over. ¡°I know bits and pieces, Emma, mostly from getting you drunk.¡± He red at her usingly, so pissed at everything right now, even though he was trying to dampen it. Especially this one-sided fucking rtionship they had and the fact that after everything, she couldn¡¯t even let him know the details of her past. It said a lot about how she felt about him. ¡°Where is this going?¡± Emma red back at him suspiciously, always closing him out. He was sick of being shut out. ¡°It hurt you?¡± His eyes came to rest on her, trying to push every ounce of aggression away again with a mammoth effort and barely holding on. She messed him up in so many ways, and she just had no clue at all. She looked away, crossing her arms around her body protectively and he just sighed and crumbled inside. He was mad, he wanted to be mad but somehow all she ever did was make him feel guilty and want to stop being angry with her. No wonder he was all over the ce. He had no control over his own emotions. ¡°It¡¯s the past and it should stay there.¡± Her voice wobbled a little this time with raw pain, and she moved away to turn her back on him. Jake took that hint of softness as a signal that maybe this wasn¡¯t the brick wall he was meeting this time after all. ¡°Your mom? You don¡¯t talk about her much either.¡± He pushed, his voice gentler, trying hard to just not be a dickhead. Coaxing her to open up about this gave him a little hope that he meant something to her at least. This topic was easier than the previous one and it was something he had always wanted to know. It was distracting him from his anger, which was a good thing. ¡°She¡¯s my mom ¡­ What else is there to say?¡± She replied coldly, still keeping her back to him defiantly. ¡°Tell me about her.¡± He turned on the hood of the car and sat down to watch her, intrigued that for once he wasn¡¯t having to battle any information out of her and it was helping take his mind off other matters. Her poise was hostile and stiff, but she hadn¡¯t ended the conversation and closed up in true PA fashion like normal. ¡°My mom is a sucker for a sob story.¡± Her voice was raspy with emotion yet held a hint of anger, at him or her mother he wasn¡¯t sure. He hated knowing that she had never had the childhood she deserved, hated knowing she had been hurt in ways that someone like her should have never endured. ¡°That¡¯s about all there is to her.¡± Chapter 297 Chapter 297 ¡°She has bad taste in men?¡± He got up silently and moved toward her, aching to soothe her while she talked about this stuff, just wanting to be there for her. Despite everything, all Jake ever wanted was to help her and learn more about what made her tick. She walked further off, putting the distance back between them a little as though she had sensed him getting closer, always holding him at bay. ¡°That¡¯s an understatement,¡± she snapped angrily. ¡°They hurt you?¡± He had moved faster, got to right beside her before he had spoken again. Instinctively reaching out to her like he always did when she was close, the smell of her shampoo in the fresh air luring him against her, his fingers moving into her hair near her ear. Flexing his fingers into her scalp, causing her to lean into his touch, with a sigh and dampening over his mood like a balm. Touching her always brought him calmness, even when the topic was hard to digest. She leaned into him and he was lost to her almost instantly. His other hand sliding over her shoulder on the other side and sliding down her arm a little. Savoring the softness of her creamy skin with little resistance. She always feels so fucking good. Leaning in close to the back of her head, breathing slowly and cing his mouth on the back of her hair, inhaling her, and curbing the urge to kiss her pain away. ¡°Some ¡­ Some just wanted to ¡­¡± Her voice weakened as she swallowed hard. His hand left her arm, snaked around her waist, and pulled her into his body smoothly. His mouth moving to her neck gently and pulling her tight and close to him to be the strength she needed. ¡°She didn¡¯t protect you,¡± he whispered against her cor bone, the soft delicate smell of her skin bringing him a sense ofpleteness, the gentle soft curves of her body making the pain in his chest fade a little and he just held her, wanting to always keep her safe. He could stay this way forever. ¡°She did what she could,¡± she mumbled, softly allowing her body to meet his, having a little too much of an effect on his ability to think clearly and instinct at being joined with her was taking control. He couldn¡¯t stop his nose skimming her shoulder and neck, the hand that was in her hair trailing down her naked arm and wrist and back up. He couldn¡¯t deny that no matter what he would always want her this way, always want to touch her and devour every inch of her. Even while trying to give her sce about that bitch mother of hers a part of him wanted to turn her in his arms and just kiss the pain away, lose himself in that mouth and against that honey-sweet tongue. ¡°She didn¡¯t stop bringing men around her child, miele.¡± His voice was hoarse with a mix of emotion and lust, and he felt her tense again, this time he knew it was at his words not his actions, his minding back to what he said and honing in on a tiny glimpse of Emma¡¯s past. ¡°Why did you leave Chicago ¡­ Leave her?¡± His hands were still trailing down her arms and up again, but his focus was fully on her words now, the thought that his Emma had run from home to find safety in New York of all ces. The thought of the girl he knew running scared from anything made him feel sick to his stomach. ¡°I needed to walk away from all of it ¡­ I needed to save myself because no one else was going to.¡± Her voice broke a little, and he knew without turning her there were more tears and it tore him open to the bone. ¡°I think you need to talk to someone about all of this, Emma ¡­ a counselor ¡­ I could ¡­¡± She jerked away instantly, spinning to re at him angrily. All moods snapped closed with simple words, and suddenly she was fire and anger and squaring up to him like he was the enemy. ¡°Not a goddamn chance,¡± she spat, all venom and pain in her face. ¡°I¡¯m not fucking crazy!¡± ¡°Emma, that isn¡¯t what I said,¡± Jake responded a little surprised at her sudden turnaround in mood, seeing a side of her she normally kept so under control. Sheer emotion and rage seeping from that beautiful face. He attempted to put his arms around her gently again, but she held out a hand stopping him. He stayed back, allowing her breathing space to vent. Unsure how to deal with the fire he had always sensed was just under the surface. ¡°Don¡¯t okay ¡­ you wanted to know ¡­ now you know, and that¡¯s the end of it.¡± The strength was back in her voice, PA Emma had returned, and she stalked past him toward the car, keeping her eyes averted. Her whole demeanor closing up, standing taller and her grace and mannerisms of the polished PA sliding in defensively. He could read her signs, she was putting that fucking wall back up because he was an idiot that somehow always pushed it. He was pissed as hell again, instant anger flooding back too, but mostly at himself. ¡°Don¡¯t do that,¡± he snapped usingly, following her back to the car, close on her heels, he grabbed her arm to turn her, but she yanked it away. ¡°Do what?¡± she yelled, deliberately looking anywhere but him in an attempt to get away. He grabbed her arm again and tugged her around to face him harshly, this time seeding. ¡°Don¡¯t shut me out again, mp down like you always do. Not after everything, I¡¯m ¡­ I¡¯m sick to death of this never-ending fucking circle.¡± He raged losing his temper at always feeling like he would get so far and then boom, door mmed shut in his face again, driving him crazy. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to tell you; You just keep pushing.¡± She wrenched her arm away, chin lifting defiantly. ¡°Let¡¯s go back to the boat. I¡¯m hungry and I¡¯m tired.¡± She sounded so cool and closed off he could feel himself erupting again internally. Always the goddamn same shit with her. He lifted his hands to grab at mid-air in sheer agitation, not sure if he could choke her about now and gritted his teeth, eyes burning, he paced away from her again, cursing and raging into the open air. She ignored him, turning and getting back into the car. Jake walked to the car and got in, mming his door, and buckling up inplete stony-faced silence. He knew when something was futile, he knew when to give up and stop going around in circles of fury and rage that would only end with him doing something stupid as hell. Jake had a lot of ws but his worse was his impulsive knee-jerk reaction to any kind of hurt. He knew he could be a massive jackass when feelings were involved, and he was done with this once and for all. ¡°Conversation fucking over,¡± he muttered to himself, starting the car and throwing it into gear as he pulled back out onto the road, he turned the car and headed back to where they hade from; breakneck speed to expel some of the energy building up inside of him wanting to blow out like an explosion. He needed to just get her back to the boat, dump her on deck and put some much-needed distance between them. He turned the stereo up loud indicating he wouldn¡¯t attempt conversation, in fact, he had nothing left to say to her. She was just messing with his head in all kinds of ways, and he couldn¡¯t do this anymore. Noticing her hand in her hair twisting it anxiously he lost what hold he had left of his temper. Seeing her like that always irritated him, but now it just fucking enraged him. He tugged her hand out of her hair aggressively. ¡°Stop fucking doing that!¡± he barked over the music, eyes glinting at her with fury. She red back haughtily. ¡°That hurt,¡± she snapped, reaching out to turn the music down, he had no idea what was even ying it was all just noise to drown her out, and it was failing. She touched her head at the root of the hair she had been twisting indicating he had pulled it and he felt bad despite his anger. He always felt stupidly guilty when it came to her. She had a way of making him feel like the biggest asshole on the effortlessly. Maybe being an asshole was what he should be doing and kill this once and for all. If they weren¡¯t friends, maybe they could just be professional and not give a fuck about each other anymore. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to hurt you,¡± he apologized through gritted teeth. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He meant it, but it sounded like itcked conviction. He was done with all of this and he just had to get her back to the boat and out of his face for a while so he could think. ¡°I don¡¯t know why it bothers you so much,¡± she spat at him. ¡°I don¡¯t know I¡¯m doing it.¡± Angry shing eyes aimed his way once again, and he literally wanted to just hit something.N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. Chapter 298 Chapter 298 ¡°It bothers me because it¡¯s a sign that you¡¯re anxious, that you¡¯re nervous or upset ¡­ I don¡¯t like it,¡± he snapped back, sick of feeling like this all the goddamn time, sick of feeling like he should walk on fucking eggshells around her. ¡°Oh, so you want me to unleash vulnerable Emma, but only if she doesn¡¯t act nervous or anxious ¡­ Makes so much sense.¡± She seethed. He red at her, his jaw tensing, fire meeting fire. The sizzle of electric between them causing the air to crackle. He looked away and focused on the road, gripping the wheel hard in an effort to not m something with his fist. She brought out so much rage in him with so little effort. He got them back to the port in record time and didn¡¯t bother to get out when they pulled up, waiting for her to open her own goddamn door and go first so he could take a minute to hang back. He took a moment to calm down and was d to see the speedboat was still moored to the jetty, he wouldn¡¯t have to wait around for the ship¡¯s crewing for them; guessing the captain was still in town after bringing them over here, and he would send the boat back for himter, he had Jake¡¯s number. Going back across the water to the boat was silent, and she kept herself standing away from him, gripping the rail and looking out to sea. He wasn¡¯t going to try anymore, he had made up his mind that enough was enough, and he was ruining everything by being fucking hung up on her. He had to remind himself that she wasn¡¯t anything more special than a million other girls out there. He just needed to get her out of his head, and he could only do that with some real time apart. Maybe that was the issue, too much time spent together every goddamn day had made it impossible to ever really move on. When they moored to the back of the yacht, Emma didn¡¯t wait for him, just hopped up and off the boat and headed up to the top deck. Jake handed off the rope to the crewman who appeared to greet them. ¡°Someone will need to go back for Maxter, call him and tell him I brought the boat back,¡± Jake said abruptly and left the young man to secure the boat before following Emma upstairs. When he got up on deck, Emma was already at the buffet making a food te, her back to him and he seriously felt like yanking her around and just choking her. She had him so wound up and pissed that he couldn¡¯t think straight. No woman, except maybe Marissa, had ever caused this amount of a reaction in him and he needed to be far away right now. ¡°Oh, the love birds have returned,¡± Le squealed and threw herself around Emma for a hug, she grinned Jake¡¯s way, but he only red back. ¡°We went for a drive.¡± Jake red at anyone who dared to look his way then turned on his heel and headed back to his room. He wasn¡¯t staying here for this crap feeling like this. He needed head space and time out. Heading back down to the lower floor he pulled out his phone to text Daniel. You may be right about putting my n B into action. J He got to his room just as Hunter replied, he had his phone sent over to him with belongings first thing this morning before heading out with Emma to make his stay in hospital morefortable. Sorry to hear it, man, but onwards and upwards ¡­ Fuck her out of your system. Jake stared at the screen for a moment before sighing in resignation. I intend to. See you in a few days. J Jake stormed to his room and kicked the door shut with a professional kick-boxing maneuver, every nerve ending tingling with the need to release some pent-up tension. Jake was a simple creature, he expelled his excess energy in four ways. Either through fighting, sports, other extreme physical pursuits or sex. Andtely, sex had beenpletely off the table for him; he was about to remedy that and hoped to God some of this crazy aggressive anger that had been building up for weeks would subside. He couldn¡¯t do this shit anymore with her, his life had be one mass of up and down emotional bullshit. His head was all over the ce to the point he acted like he had PMS like a fucking woman on a daily basis. She drove him nuts, yet he couldn¡¯t stay away from her. He loved her, yet he wished he could walk away and never see her again. He didn¡¯t know which way was up or down, but he knew one thing¡ªhe couldn¡¯t bear the thought of firing her and starting over with a new PA, so he had to sort this another way. Hunter had been right about one thing, theck of sex was screwing with his head,ck of dates and women in general. This wasn¡¯t who he was, wasn¡¯t who he wanted to be anymore. He would get his ass off this infernal boat and away from her for a few days. Hunter had already agreed he would look after her should Jake take off, and he was going to screw himself back to sanity with as many women as it took. Hell, he might even go back to the days of more than one at a time if it eased his pain. Emma had only seen that version of him, so what difference would it make if he went back to it? She had no idea of how much he had changed his lifestyle for her, she didn¡¯t see theck of parties and booze, theck of women. She only saw what he wanted her to see andtely, it had been a moody fucker who was useless at his job and all over the ce. No more. Jake was taking his heart and his goddamn life back. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. He picked up his phone from the docking station and skimmed the names until he came to one in particr, hit call and stuck it to his ear. Every part of his gut was trying to stop this insanity, but he had made his mind up and pushed down all the guilt he was feeling to the back of his mind. ¡°Hello.¡± The female voice that answered sounded surprised to hear from him after so long, but he didn¡¯t care, he had chosen her because he knew she would be up for it and avable. ¡°Hey, Brianne, long time no see. Thought I would call and see if you were still up for partying,¡± Jake said smoothly, old Casanovaing out to y effortlessly. He may have been aplete mess around Emma, but with other women, he had no problem at all. He knew how to y them, and he had always done it well. He had zero nervousness about booty calls. ¡°Of course, for you, Jake, I would literally drop everything.¡± She purred, unable to contain her excitement, and the lust-fueled husk to her tone now. Jake knew he had her right where he wanted. Brianne, from the first time he had met her in a downtown bar, had been hot for him. Obviously so. ¡°I¡¯m heading home in a few minutes, flight back from a little trip so you could meet me at my apartment tonight, take it from there.¡± He moved his phone from his ear as he hauled off his shirt to get changed, mind already making ns to get the hell out of here. ¡°Definitely, baby, I¡¯ll be naked and waiting for you, sexy. Do you want me to bring some booze?¡± She giggled girlishly, doing nothing at all for his libido but he yed along. ¡°Sure, whatever you want, I don¡¯t n on much sleep,¡± he growled sexily and hauled on a new shirt with one hand awkwardly, trying not to picture Emma with every word out of his goddamn mouth. He also couldn¡¯t shift the feeling that right now he was a disgusting human being who had never deserved Emma in the first ce and this right here proved it. He shoved the sickening lump aside and focused on Brianne. ¡°Sounds like my kind of party, I can¡¯t wait to see you again, it¡¯s been far too long, Jakey baby.¡± She once again purred down the line, and he could almost picture her getting wet for him. Girls were too damn easy, maybe that¡¯s why he had fallen hard for Emma. She had been the first real challenge to come along in a very long time, the first woman to not drop her panties at the first smile. The first girl that had made him feel something for her that wasn¡¯t just lust. ¡°Cool, so ¡­ters then. I¡¯ll be home around five I guess.¡± He flipped the phone to his other shoulder as he buttoned up his shirt. Not really feeling the same thrill he used too at hooking up with someone as hot and wild as Brianne, but he figured once he got home and had her naked it would all fall into ce. Brianne was one of the more adventurous ex-ymates. She was up for any kind of sex and liked to be dominated roughly. Right about now Jake needed to expel a little aggression and doing it sexually was his idea of the perfect solution. He wasn¡¯t against a little bit of rough and ready, she liked bondage too and he sure as hell had no problem with being dominant in bed. ¡°Laters, baby ¡­ a lot ofters.¡± She giggled sexily and then he hung up, he wasn¡¯t much for unnecessary small talk and threw his cell on the bed as he continued to get ready. Chapter 299 Chapter 299 Jake headed up on deck looking for Emma half an hourter, changed into a ck fitted shirt and jeans, his usual ready to party look. With shades on and a grim expression on his face and a mood to match. He saw her lounging with Le and called her over, pushing down the ache inside at the sight of her. ¡°Emma, I need you a second.¡± His tone was emotionless and borderline pissed, guilt trying to push into his mood, but he stuffed it back down knowing he had to stay in this frame of mind to do this. He gestured her to follow him as he turned and headed away from prying eyes, she followed obediently, and he tried to ignore every part of his heart trying to soften at her mere presence. No more of this wimpy shit, Carrero. They walked down to the lower floor of the boat, he could feel Emma behind him, tense, quiet and uncertain, but he had to do this for his own sanity. He had to maintain this anger and mood and leave. Leave her and this stupid infatuation behind so he could go back to just working with her. ¡°I¡¯m leaving for a couple of days; I¡¯ve left you a credit card in your room in case you want to go out, there¡¯s a car on shore that will take you anywhere you want to go.¡± His voice was t, devoid of emotion and trying so hard to avoid looking at those wounded baby blues that could unravel him in seconds. From the corner of his eye he saw her head snap up and eyes search his face, he got a punch in the gut feeling of regret, but he clenched his fists in defiance and gritted his teeth against it. ¡°Where are you going? We cleared your schedule for two weeks, so you wouldn¡¯t need to go anywhere.¡± She sounded shocked, her voice slightly higher and faster than normal. He could feel the tension and fearing from her that he was leaving her alone with these people, but he knew Le would take care of her and Hunter was back tonight and had sworn with his life to watch over her. To make sure no one else tried anything, and that she had a rxing end to the trip. He felt like an asshole to be leaving her though, he had promised he would take care of her, and he was being a dickhead by not doing that. She had to know this was the best for both of them though. ¡°Change of n ¡­ try to rx and have fun, if you can,¡± he said it angrily, at himself, not her. She was looking at him more and more like she was about to cry, and he just felt like punching himself in the face. Anger ripping through him at a hundred miles an hour and worsening his mood. I¡¯m sorry, bambino. ¡°Do you need me toe?¡± she replied coolly in her PA tone. It wasn¡¯t what he wanted, but it made this easier on him, closing her out. Taking the feeling out of the conversation and it just reminded him of the fact that this would always be her. She would never love him. ¡°No, I don¡¯t,¡± he replied coldly, fully resigned that what he was doing was right. ¡°Jake, you pay me to be at your beck and call and go with you at a moment¡¯s notice,¡± she retorted haughtily, mannerisms back and the tight lift of that defiant chin. He took a moment to look at that face as a reminder that he would never cross this line again. Every part of him hurting to the point he just felt destion again. ¡°I don¡¯t pay you to watch me fuck other women, Emma,¡± he snarled at her nastily, frustration making him react. Regretting it as soon as it was out of his mouth but not willing to apologize over this and show any weakness. If he wanted professionalism back, then he had to make her hate him a little bit, even if it killed him. Emma looked shocked and a little hurt and the urge to take it all back hit him harder, only giving him more resolve to be harsher to kill this friendship the coldest way and be done with it. He looked away from those endless sea eyes that ripped his heart from his chest and hardened his face. ¡°I¡¯m redefining the boundaries of our rtionship¡ªuncrossing the line. That¡¯s what you called it, right?¡± He tossed back casually, avoiding looking at that beautiful face, he couldn¡¯t keep this up with her so close. Don¡¯t hate me, miele, just understand this is for the best. ¡°You think going off to screw someone will uncross that line?¡± Her words sounded pained, quiet and for a moment Jake doubted all of it. Doubted her feelings and doubted his whole stupid n. The urge to tell her he didn¡¯t mean any of it, to turn and wrap his arms around her and beg forgiveness for being a prick was strong. He would call Brianne in a second and cancel if he thought for one moment Emma would love him back. He turned and saw only cool PA facing him, hands sped at her waist and a raised brow that contradicted everything. ¡°It¡¯s a start.¡± He turned away in disappointment, heart hitting the floor once again as he led her into his room and pulled a case from the cupboard. He had packed a flight bag already and needed only a few clothes. ¡°Got over your little break, I see.¡± She sounded cold, reminding him of admitting to ack of sex at that charity dance. ¡°I think that¡¯s probably the reason for thetest tension; I need to go let off steam.¡± He smirked icily, d to have an excuse to cool things between them if he was being honest. He couldn¡¯t, in all honesty, keep doing this to himself anymore. His body wasn¡¯t built for long periods of celibacy, and his shitty moods and fuzzy head might actually improve. She was watching him with a cool expression, poised and motionless as though observing a naughty child carrying out a punishment, that whole school Miss thing going on. He tried not to look at her, he didn¡¯t want to remember her this way anymore. Soft hair and pretty dresses, tanned and beautiful. He would see her back at work, back in tight tailoring and her no-nonsense mask on and take it from there. ¡°Enjoy yourself.¡± She turned on her heel, a slightly pinched expression that only riled him more, but didn¡¯t leave. ¡°Don¡¯t miss me while I¡¯m gone, tesoro mio.¡± Jake smiled in full Casanova charm, he all but winked at her. Laying it on thick. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find something exciting to do.¡± He was back to focusing on packing, but his voice was t and emotionless, the cruel and harsh words had been deliberate. He was severing more than unrequited love, he was severing friendship and cing Emma back on the employee list with everyone else at Carrero Corp. He was done. ¡°When shall I expect you back, Mr. Carrero?¡± She seemed to get with the program, returning to her business-like manner and tone. His insides bristling with the change in her but epting what he had chosen finally. This was the future for Jake and Emma. He should never have ventured down this path to feelings and emotions. ¡°When I¡¯m done ¡­ hard to say ¡­ it¡¯s been a while,¡± he sneered without looking up. Twisting the knife to make sure that he had sealed the fate of their rtionship. In turn, he was twisting it in his own chest and repulsed at how he was treating her, how he was being with her. If any other guy had dared be this way to her, he would have broken their neck. He could see Emma smile his way in her fake office face, the one she used to greet business acquaintances and was distracted by his phone vibrating in his pocket. Swiping it out he saw Brianne¡¯s name on the screen and hesitated. Old Jake had openly dated in front of Emma, had openly had women in the same hotel suites, and if he wanted to go back to that, then he had to ignore how sick to his stomach answering this call in front of her was making him feel and get back to being that guy. He hesitated as his conscience tried to get the better of him, quickly making a decision that he hated. He swiped it and pressed the screen. ¡°Hi,¡± he answered without looking her way, ignoring the nerves ripping through him or the way his hand started trembling with the effort. Hecked his cocky confidence in answering because right now he felt anything but. ¡°Hi, baby, it¡¯s me again. Just checking if you had left yet as I might meet you at the airport instead.¡± Brianne was trying for sexy and soft and only irritated him, Emma¡¯s eyes were boring into him and making him feel about a foot tall. He cursed her internally and wished he had ignored the phone. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°I¡¯ll be leaving soon.¡± Jake didn¡¯t want to have a conversation right now, and he hoped his tone conveyed that to Brianne. Chapter 300 Chapter 300 ¡°Oh, do you havepany and can¡¯t talk? Sorry, I just missed your voice, it¡¯s beyond sexy, and I am so excited about seeing you.¡± She purred irritatingly, and Jake had to steel the urge to tell her to forget all of this. ¡°Yeah, I missed you too, bambino,¡± he said tly, still feeling Emma¡¯s presence burning into him like rays from the sun, he wanted to just curl up and die about now. ¡°Okay, well my flight gets in around four, so I may hang around at the airfield for you if that¡¯s okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll meet you there,¡± Jake said quickly and didn¡¯t wait for her reply just hung up quickly to stop the way his throat was trying to strangle him to death with guilt. He slid his phone back into his pocket and couldn¡¯t look at her at all, every part of him felt like aplete shithead as though he was openly cheating on her. In his own head, he was, and it had the ability to stop it all if he let it. Fuck. ¡°Who?¡± Emma blurted out and caused another slice to his heart. He couldn¡¯t tell her it was the girl he used to rece her so many times when she first started working for him. Brianne was small, blonde and could have been Emma¡¯s sister to look at, but she didn¡¯t need to know that. ¡°No one you know. Old me.¡± He closed his case, throwing her a fiery look, willing her to back off and not pursue this agony. ¡°If that will be all, Mr. Carrero, I¡¯ll leave you to it,¡± Emma said icily and threw him a look that tranted to nothing at all,pletely deadpan. She was stiff and devoid of emotion. Sad that he had made it happen this way, pushed her to this version of her that she hadn¡¯t been since the first week he had known her, but this is who he needed to see from now on. ¡°Tell the others, after I¡¯m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.¡± He was picking up his case, his body stiff with tension and he just had to get out, he couldn¡¯t breathe now it was getting closer to leaving her. He was slowly suffocating and on the verge of some sort of anxiety attack. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. ¡°What reason shall I give?¡± She was painfully polite and factual. Another nail in the coffin of his heart. ¡°I don¡¯t give a shit, Emma ¡­ the truth for all I care.¡± He flexed his eyebrows sardonically at her, really completely done. Jake lifted his bags and strolled out purposely past her, not looking her way again and determined to just go and be done with it. The sooner he put distance between them the sooner he would be able to think straight and start rationalizing all of this. He could start to move on and no longer initiate anything non-business rted with her. He felt her follow him down the hall and willed her not to ¡­ to stay back and give his heart a chance at letting go of her, he was weakening with every step toward the back of the boat, doubts flooding in and that inner part of him that eternally wanted to protect her wing him back. To stop, to go back and just get on his knees and beg her to forgive him for being an asshole, but he couldn¡¯t. He knew all it would take was her following him here and one sad look, one sad fucking set of baby blues his way and he would bail on all of this because, like it or not, he fucking loved her, and thest thing he wanted to be doing right now was leaving her for anything in the world. It took all of his strength to walk thest steps and hand his bag to the waiting crewman he had told to get the boat ready. If she came out now he was done for, he knew how weak he was when it came to her, but she didn¡¯t. She had retreated before he hit the open air and had probably gone back on deck. She had let him go because she had never loved him and as much as he hated himself for doing this it had never been so fucking right. She had made it clear, and he loved her enough to let her fucking go. He needed to find his own sanity again, and if he could do that between the legs of Brianne it would be a goddamn start. * * * By the time the ne touched down in New York Jake was beyond drunk, he had hit the booze hard on the four-hour flight and was at the point of seeing double. He had tried to drown his sorrows and give himself enough Dutch courage to see this through and gone way overboard. He had been consumed with her, memories of kissing her, aching to go back and just stop this bullshit. God, he missed her already. Just being away, the miles widening, had been torture for him, and instead of distance giving him the ability to breathe he had felt each mile choking him to near strangtion. He was so fucked over this girl and out of control. Every part of him wanted to turn around and go back. He had pulled up her name on his phone a hundred times and just stared at it, stopping himself from drunk dialing her and telling her he was an asshole because he fucking loved her to death. And he did ¡­ all-consuming, every single aching part of him loved her beyond anything he could ever exin. She was his world whether she wanted to be or not and he was a major idiot for letting it get this far. He hovered over the song he had pulled from his iTunes a hundred times and thought about sending it but didn¡¯t. Apologize¡ªOne Republic. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, he felt like the biggest prick in the world and his heart was wrenched in two at being this way to his angel. His beautiful perfect fucking little angel. God, he was so fucking drunk. Getting off the ne had been an ordeal, he hadn¡¯t been this smashed in a long time and almost fell down the steps onto the runway in front of Jefferson. He casually came and helped Jake walk to the car with a silent unamused expression on his fatherly face. Jefferson knew better than to say anything; he had been there through Jake¡¯s wild years and tended to let him get whatever was eating him out of his system in any way that Jake felt necessary. He just helped Jake get into the car and almost groaned when he saw Brianne already there and grinning his way. She really did look like Emma in a devastating way, but she wasn¡¯t her. No one would everpare to her even if they were fucking twins who had been separated at birth. Fuck. He realized the privacy panel on the limo was already up and groaned, he knew only too well what that meant and didn¡¯t have to even look to find she was naked under her fur coat as Jefferson closed the door on them, locking him in his dark hell with a girl who was only focused on sex. Jake was seriously regretting this all over andid his head back on the seat and just closed his eyes. ¡°You smell like booze, Jakey baby, did you start without me?¡± She smiled and crawled over suggestively to straddle hisp as the car moved off. Jake didn¡¯t have the energy to react. He just tried to not see Emma in his mind¡¯s eye as small hands ran up his abdomen and chest and started unbuttoning his shirt. He was no stranger to sex in the back of his cars but right now he didn¡¯t care if he never had sex again as long as she let him sleep this off. She tried to kiss him on the mouth, but he turned away. She wasn¡¯t her, she didn¡¯t kiss like her. He wanted Emma. ¡°Hmm, yeah.¡± Jake was trying to just sleep, his swimming head trying to give into the darkness, the only thing stopping him was the probing hands on his body or the small wet mouth now moving across his neck and cor bone as she exposed skin. Jake couldn¡¯t deny his body was reacting, but he also couldn¡¯t deny the whole fucking time he was seeing and hearing Emma in his head. Closing off Brianne completely and just letting his head go any route it wanted. He was definitely getting hard with the writhing, small body on top of him and his hands automatically slid up naked legs under a fur coat to find soft naked skin and curves. He opened eyes and looked down at the blonde hair across his chest as she licked and nibbled her way down, breathing in her musky perfume and instantly hating that it wasn¡¯t tropical or sweet. It was all wrong for how she looked. Her body ducked lower, and she started unbuttoning his pants, horny Jake starting to take control of his mind and with a visual so Emma-like he couldn¡¯t help but react. He shoved her back and helped speed the way, unbuttoning and yanking them down until he was fully exposed and ignoring her face. If he looked at her he would know it wasn¡¯t her and wouldn¡¯t be able to do this. He closed his eyes again and rxed into her mouth devouring him. Chapter 301 Chapter 301 Pleasure waving up his limbs and the amazing sensation of a hot wet mouth on a part of him that had been severely neglected. She was good at doing this and soon had him reaching that pinnacle of release far too quickly, he came in her mouth, and only for a second felt remorse at doing something so dirty to his beautiful angel. Looking down and seeing Brianne licking her lips back at him. He pushed down the surge of anger and looked away from her again. So goddamn conflicted. Closing his eyes forcefully as she let her hand bring him back for a second round, her body fully naked now she had let her coat slide down to the floor, the motion of the car only added to how quickly she was getting him turned back on. Deciding to take matters into his own hands he shoved her off him onto the seat. Facially she didn¡¯t have Emma¡¯s beauty, and he didn¡¯t want to fuck anyone else. So, Jake did the only thing he could, he turned her around and pushed her hard against the seat with every intention of abusing this body until every part of his mind that wanted Emma in every way was satisfied. This is why he had chosen Brianne. From behind she was almost her, and she had no boundaries in the ways she would let him fuck her, she didn¡¯t care how rough or how many times as long as it was him. Brianne was one of those all consumed by Jake kind of women and it would serve his purpose tonight. Pushing her into the leather he got up behind her and smacked her hard across the ass. Leaving his mark with satisfaction before leaning in to wipe Emma out of his head for good. * * * ¡°Take her home.¡± Jake barked at Jefferson as he got out of the car, Brianne tried to follow, but he pushed her back in by the face cruelly. He had screwed her mercilessly until he came and then he had bluntly told her that she wouldn¡¯t being home with him. Jake was beyond pissed at himself right about now, and he needed to get the fuck away from her and out of these clothes. He felt dirty and angry and wanted to just go beat the shit out of any mother fucker who looked at him the wrong way. Sex hadn¡¯t done what he wanted¡ªit had given him instant relief for the half hour car journey, he had kept her facing away and let out months of tension and frustration until she screamed. But then he had felt empty and fucked-up and just hated himself more than he did already. Emma wasn¡¯t out of his head, instead he had made this a whole lot worse by fucking someone who could so easily be her in his memories and just added to his constant goddamn torture. He was aplete idiot for choosing Brianne. He should have gone for tall, brte and skinny as hell. Brianne tried to grab at his wrist as he maneuvered away and he just red at her coolly. ¡°It was a fuck, Brianne, let it go.¡± He yanked his hand free, and all but mmed the door in her face. Jefferson looked at him with a stern expression, but he ignored him. He was still drunk enough to fly off the handle and thest person in the world he wanted to hit was him. Jefferson said nothing but went back to his door and got in. Jake stalked across the car park and toward the elevator in a rage. He was home, back at his apartment yet he didn¡¯t want to be here anymore. He had royally just fucked himself up more in the head. Pressing his penthouse floor code into the keypad, he leaned back against the elevator with a sigh. He wouldn¡¯t stay in New York, he would go stay with Arrick in LA for a few days and get his head straight. His brother was only young, but he had a wisdom that sometimes made more sense than Hunter¡¯s. He knew women just as well as Jake did and maybe time with his brother and no women at all was what he really needed to do. Sex had cured nothing, just made him realize until he no longer loved Emma, then he would never want to have sex with another woman again. She was it for him, no one would everpare, and until he stopped looking at her that way then he would forget about sex. Brianne was a mistake, and he had never felt this much regret and guilt in his life. It was eating at him mercilessly and all he wanted to do was pass out and forget all about it, forget thest half an hour and forget the one woman who relentlessly tortured his mind to near insanity. The Carrero Influence ~ The Elevator Scene ~ Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for thest hour. Margo had been ring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ¡®out of it¡¯ he was. He had been this way ever since his father¡¯s email hade in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn¡¯t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn¡¯t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn¡¯t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. If he was being honest, he hadn¡¯t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ¡®not well¡¯ he was doing without her in his life. Traipsing behind a couple of his colleagues toward the bank of elevators, he tried like hell to focus on his afternoon schedule. He knew he had a one-to-one with the head of finance over the Hunter-Carrero merger, but for the life of him, he couldn¡¯t remember why. ¡°I¡¯ll see you upstairs in a bit.¡± Margo smiled his way from walking beside him, she was rifling through files from the meeting and frowning his way. ¡°Where you going?¡± He looked at her nkly, trying like hell to act like a functioning human being instead of the mindless zombie of the past few days. Honestly ¡­ few weeks. ¡°To take these to Brandon.¡± She stared at him deadpan. ¡°Yourwyer.¡± Again, staring like he had two heads. He just stared backpletely clueless, and she sighed heavily. ¡°Well it¡¯s just as well one of us was paying attention to the bloody contracts you just signed off on then, isn¡¯t it? Jake, for the love of God, go see her, I don¡¯t know how much more of this I can endure.¡± She gave him a stern look, sighed, and kissed him on the cheek in her motherly fashion before smoothing down hispel with her free hand and waving as she walked off. He watched her go feeling even more space cadet andpletely out of touch with reality. So, you signed off on contracts? Idiot! He heard the elevator ping and open somewhere in front of the men crowding before him and watched them all file into it, sighing and looking back toward Margo for a moment as she disappeared down the hall, he contemted if she was right. If seeing Emma again would get him out of this funk or if it would just make it all worse. God, he missed her so fucking much. Chapter 302 Chapter 302 Waiting for them all to clear he walked forward to follow them into the elevator and immediately felt his heart thud through his chest. As though some unearthly force had just conjured her up for him out of nowhere because he had dared to think it. His eyes met hers as soon as he stepped foot inside. Some force of nature making sure he connected with her as soon as he had even walked into the damn thing. She was near the back, behind a bunch of employees and those baby blues met his for a mere second with all the force of a tidal wave. He couldn¡¯t breathe. She was wearing her light-gray tailored jacket and pencil skirt from the first time he had everid eyes on her, over a pale-pink silk blouse but with her soft hair still loose, still waves of perfection and a golden halo around that perfect face. It was all a little too painful to bear after weeks of only conjuring her up in his head, and he turned as he found a spot to stand, putting her behind him so he could think about how to handle this. His stomach was churning, a deep painful ache in his chest that made it near impossible to pretend she wasn¡¯t so close. Every part of him straining and aching to just turn and look at her, he wanted to hear her voice, see her smile. She was beautiful, stunning, still his angel. The elevator stopped, and some men shuffled in and out, he moved further back, still just focusing on his breathing and scrambling thoughts, staring straight ahead for a little control and wondering what he should say to her. He wanted to say something, anything, but he was temporarily rendered mute. Her perfume filling the air around him, he couldn¡¯t move, feet locked to the ground and unable to rx at all. She was close enough to just reach out and touch if he turned to look at her, but he just couldn¡¯t. It hurt too damn much and being back with her only highlighted how much he was still crazy in love with her. He hadn¡¯t moved on in any way at all and this just reminded him of how much his life waspletely fucked without her. More people moved in at the next stop, and he had to shuffle back, closer to her, her perfume getting clearer and causing him considerable pain. He could feel her, the heat of her body in the elevator despite the other people and he was aware of only her and her proximity. He was almost beside her now, almost shoulder to shoulder save for a gap being forced between them by the man standing just in front of them, he nced her way warily. His mind just wanting to look at her again and caught those beautiful blues as she did the same thing. Fuck. It was like a thunderbolt to his heart and when she looked away quickly and stared at the floor, he couldn¡¯t help the overwhelming need and longing to just step forward and touch her. To lift her chin up and just stare at her and tell her he wanted her back in his life. He needed her in his life. Instead, he stared forward at the doors like a coward, trying to rein it all in and losing sight of anyone else in here apart from her and the sheer agony of this. Say something to her, stop being an asshole and speak. The lift chimed, and he saw her move to go, his heart pounding erratically and a mild panic set in at the thought of her going, of seeing her leave without anything from him. No words, no smiles. You¡¯re a fucking asshole, Carrero¡ªspeak to her! She had to squeeze past people in front to go, and she brushed against him lightly causing a surge of electricity and a major pang of longing. It was a brief touch, but it rendered himpletely useless. Looking at her hopelessly and just aching to reach out and pull her against him. His tongue working loose in ast-ditch effort as she caught his eye momentarily. She was the only girl he had ever met who could turn him to mush with just a look at those perfect almond eyes that turned his knees weak. ¡°Miss Anderson,¡± he said quietly and politely, trying for a smile that was genuine and just feeling like he was stiff and disconnected. Her beauty floored him, her eyes meeting his had made him unable to function, and her perfume would stay in his head for eternity at this rate.N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. I love you, bambino, and I fucking miss you so much that I can¡¯t bear this. ¡°Mr. Carrero.¡± She breathed back, no smile, no emotion just a cold tone and obviously still hurt over his betrayal. He couldn¡¯t me her, she had been his right hand, and he had severed it and sent her off to work in a ce he knew she probably would have hated. They had crossed a line by having sex, but it had been the best moment of his life, one night that would haunt him forever and he never wanted to lose the memory of what she felt like. He wanted to rey it for an eternity and would never regret being with her. To her though, he had done what he always did, he had fucked her and disposed of her. As much as it pained him to have her think that way he knew it was for the best, for both of them. He had hurt her, cut her off, and disconnected from her in the worst possible way for his own sanity, and looking at the cool way she hurriedly walked out of the elevator without a backward nce he, knew he deserved her icing him out. He had been a shithead and a coward and sent her away rather than keep going through the torture of being around her. He just wished that seeing her again wasn¡¯t like a stake being driven through his heart over and over and he slumped against the back wall as the doors closed on the most beautiful view he had ever seen. Back to reality, Carrero. You never fucking had her. You never deserved her. Chapter 303 Chapter 303 The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on theptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn¡¯t keep himself on tracktely. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. ¡°Sorry. What?¡± He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. ¡°For God¡¯s sake, Jacob. I¡¯ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.¡± Margo¡¯s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising re. He went to hisptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. ¡°Don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. And less of the Jacob.¡± He shrugged with one shoulder and pushed images of Emma from his head for the millionth time. He wondered if maybe he should remind Margo that personal rtionship aside, he was still her boss. Damn Emma for always being inside his head. ¡°Sure! Because moping around like a love-sick kid for weeks on end after impulsively firing the best assistant you ever had means nothing. Look ¡­ you may not want to spell things out to me, but it is pretty obvious you crossed the line with her, problem being that for some stupid reason you then let her go, or should I say pushed her away.¡± Margo moved toward him and perched her tight-skirted ass on his desk the way Emma used to do anytime they had time in here. He shook his head to dislodge it from his mind¡¯s eye and instead went back to typing pointless words on a ruined document. ¡°Stop that.¡± Margo covered his hand with hers and stopped him from continuing. He yanked his hands free, agitated, pushing back his chair and getting up to walk up and down the length of his windows, finding no peace in the skyline out there for once. ¡°I didn¡¯t just let her go, it was never going to be anything more for her, so I stopped myself from crossing that line again. Why are we even talking about this? Is there something I can actually help you with?¡± He stomped back to his seat, not sure what the hell he was even doing and slumped back down, creasing his shirt and not giving a damn. Running his fingers through his cropped hair and frowning once more at the stupid document on screen. ¡°You can figure out what you¡¯re doing with these then. Deal with it yourself. I do not happen to like dealing with the Giovanni stubbornness in you, short-sighted and pig-headed to boot!¡± She threw the paper she had been waving around in her hand on top of hisptop keyboard distastefully. Taking them idly he noticed tickets stapled to the top corner with Emma¡¯s name printed on. He looked up at her quizzically with a frown. N?velDrama.Org exclusive content. ¡°What are they?¡± He genuinely had no clue. ¡°Tickets to that bloody dance you wanted all the staff to attend. I suggest she gets them and decides for herself if she wants to see you.¡± Margo didn¡¯t wait for a response, she was turning on her heel and moodily trotting out on stilettos that made an echoing clip-clop at speed. She was still pissed at him, had been since she came back and found out what he had done concerning Emma. ¡°Margo? What the hell?¡± It was futile, she was waving him away and ying deaf. She kicked his outer door shut to emphasize that she was still seriously furious with him. He had endured weeks of her snippy attitude and stern chastising already, he had no clue why he hadn¡¯t fired her ass for it. Probably because deep down he knew he deserved it, he had behaved like an asshole and Margo was only thinking about Emma and how this must hurt her. All he had thought about since her departure was how much this must be hurting her. He lifted the tickets again and read over the name printed clearly in gold foiling, a thumb tracing her first name slowly as that familiar ache in his heart panged to the forefront. Without hesitation, he hit his inte buzzer to Margo¡¯s desk. ¡°Send them to her as soon as you can.¡± He let it go without expecting a response, chucked them back to the outer part of his desk and sank back covering his face with the back of his hands and sighing. He had no idea if she would even go to the dance but part of him wanted it to be her choice if she did. He wanted to see her, yet he didn¡¯t, because it would hurt either way. The door to his office opened almost instantly, the clip-clop of heels, the swish of fabric and waft of Margo¡¯s perfume, by the time he moved his hands she was retreating to her own part of the office carrying the sheet of paper and still freezing him out. He rolled his eyes and thought better of trying to chastise her about this ongoing behavior. Margo was like a second mother to him and his own mother would probably be acting the same way right about now. He had better get used to her angry standoff because he knew she wasn¡¯t going to let up on him anytime soon. * * * Jake pulled at the cor off his tux repeatedly, trying to stop the choking sensation of wearing a bow tie and ignored the nces his way. He had been here only minutes and already showing up single was attracting way too much attention, probably because he had nevere to an event dateless. He could feel the judgmental and surprised looks from the array of rich and minor celebrities in the ballroom, less than an hour after opening and he already hated it here. ¡°H!¡± Le butted into his thoughts and slid an arm through his confidently. ¡°Looking as suave as always my lovely.¡± She grinned up at him with that cheeky youthful face he adored like a sister and just yanked at his cor once more, stifling in this crowded ballroom and hating having to dress up in this monkey suit. She pulled his hand away and started to fix his crooked bow tie for him, pping his hand down when he tried again to get at his top button. ¡°You look nice, ssy dress.¡± His eyes swept the long ck glittering ball gown with the peak of pink at the neckline while she fussed over him, typically Le. ¡°You brush up pretty well for a skinny tomboy.¡± He was relieved to be released when she had done fluffing him over. ¡°Shut up, loser.¡± Le nipped his bicep with her overly long manicured nails, arm slid back into ce inside his and threw him a suddenly serious look. ¡°She¡¯sing you know? She texted me, I don¡¯t think she knows that I know.¡± Jake swallowed hard, an impulsive response he had no control over, frowning as the stomach-lurching sensations hit him again. This had been happening all day. Chapter 304 Chapter 304 ¡°What do you expect me to say to that?¡± He focused his gaze across the room, ufortable with this topic of conversation and already wishing he had never confided in Le about any of this over the phone the night before. She was unpredictable sometimes, and he knew she rooted for Emma like no other. She had been one of the worst to give him a hard time about sending her away. ¡°I expect you to look happy at least, Jake, you need to tell her how you feel.¡± Jake held his hand up and hushed her, it was all new to Le and nothing he had not heard before from Margo, his mother and hell, even Daniel. ¡°Look. Stop. Not the time or ce, Le, so get any dumb thoughts out of your head about interfering in this.¡± He threw her a warning eyebrow raise and hated that her stubborn jut of the chin became more prominent. He had no energy for a Le maneuver tonight. ¡°Oh, for God¡¯s sake! Look just stop being arsey as fuck and try to act like you¡¯re happy to see her when she gets here. She did nothing wrong, Jake, and you need to man up and stop sulking when someone mentions her name.¡± Le jutted her hip out and almost mmed her hand on it. Jake red at her, his own mood taking a nose dive, a skill Le had since childhood. ¡°You can stop looking at me like that too or else I¡¯ll poke you in the eye with my new nails. Do you like them by the way? Extra sharp in case your asshole best mate shows up to piss me off.¡± She swayed around her sparkling pink nails. ¡°Stunning,¡± Jake replied tly and then dodged her pretend cat-like w aimed at his face. Le was one of those annoying friends that you let get away with murder because they were genuinely more family than friend. At times though he just wanted to strangle her, tonight was one of those nights after a full day of her constant texts, questions and lectures. ¡°I can see you watching for her you know.¡± Le cut in, looking at him smugly and lifting one eyebrow as she edged in close. Not that it made a difference as she hadn¡¯t bothered to lower her voice over the in-house orchestra ring some Mozart. ¡°Jesus! Le, for fuck¡¯s sake.¡± He lowered his voice when he realized he had just snapped loudly, and people were looking his way. ¡°I¡¯m going to the bar, you can stay here and piss someone else off for a change.¡± He dropped her arm from his and moved away, striding aggressively in the direction of hordes of overly dressed up strangers in a bid to get some head space. He hated that she was right though, he had been scanning the crowd ever since he got here. On edge, nervous and tense and just watching for the one girl in the world that he couldn¡¯t mentally escape from. He had been a fool to kiss her only days ago, to keep ending up with her no matter how hard he tried to stay away. He knew he was only torturing himself and dragging this out. The inner floor was full of people milling around in various degrees of expensive formal wear. The music loud and invading from the full orchestra as he pushed through people that wanted to cling to him and bask in his presence. Jake strode purposefully through a heavy crowd of glittering women in floor-length dresses,ing out into a clearing with a side step away from an overeager pair of hands and walked smack bang into the one face that made his heart stop beating. Emma walked into the clearing at the exact moment he did, and they both just seemed to stop and stare at each another, his heart pounding erratically as it recovered, his breathing bing shallow. She looked beautiful, beyond his wildest dreams. Wearing a fitted floor-length red dress that left little to his imagination and seemed to defy gravity while clinging to her bust and waist. He could barely swallow, taking in every perfect wless curve up to the face of perfection and that wild hair he just wanted to tangle around his fingers at every opportunity. She looked like a Hollywood star from the fifties, perfection in every way and effortless grace. She stood out from everyone in this room, hell, to him she stood out from every single woman in the world. She always had. Fuck. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. They stood motionless, feet apart. Tension crackling in the air between them and neither seemed to know how to react or what to say. All Jake could think about was what it was like to have her in his arms, to feel her against him and how much he wanted to touch her right now. ¡°Oh, my God, Emma!¡± Le¡¯s excitable voice grabbed her attention as she dove on Emma from the right of Jake; she had obviously followed him when he headed to the bar. Throwing herself around Emma, who was only inches taller and almost hauling her off her shoes. Jake didn¡¯t move, just continued to watch her, unable to tear his eyes from that face that could stop the world from turning. He didn¡¯t care that the women just to his left were trying to capture his attention subtly. ¡°Whoa, Le,¡± Emma choked,ughter breaking over her delicate face and changing the apprehension to knock out beauty. Jake stiffened, trying to keep his emotions in check and trying to hide any reactions she caused him. Just being this close to her, unable to just be how they used to be was complete agony and his heart had continued some sort of rumba inside his chest. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you, millions! Emails are not the same, Miss Ems. You look freaking sensational!¡± Le spun Emma round and sent her reeling, losing her footing on high shoes, Jake moved swiftly forward and caught her mid tumble. Pulling her against him despite every one of his senses telling him to let her go. The feel of her body against his sent an electric jolt through him, heating his blood and making his stomach lurch with emotion. She smelled better than good and her scent would only keep haunting him even after he left here, now that he had the smell of her on his tuxedo. Jake stood her up carefully, holding her upper arms until she found her footing once more and released her as soon as she was steady. He knew the danger of keeping her close, and he just couldn¡¯t handle her proximity with her looking as devastating as she did tonight. ¡°Careful, Le.¡± Jake scorned Le, catching the wicked gleam in her eye of a calcted plot she had brewed up. Jake narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head over the top of Emma. Moving to look away as she turned back to him, in case she saw what was transpiring. She seemed to focus on him for a moment and as much as he wanted to just turn back and dive into those baby blue eyes, he couldn¡¯t bear it. ¡°I can¡¯t help being so happy to see her, Jake, you keep her hidden from me.¡± She grinned wickedly at him, messages in their silentmunication they had perfected from years of being friends. Jake tried hard not to re and instead threw her a slight frown and a subtle warning to back off. ¡°I¡¯ve been working.¡± Emma looked quickly from Le to him and back, an air of confusion about her, but she recovered quickly and smiled softly. Jake had to tear his eyes from that perfect red-lipped smile and push out thoughts of kissing her over and over again. She wasn¡¯t normally one for bold lipstick, normally subtle shades and he was finding it near impossible to stop looking at the perfect pout and curve of lips so obviously made for passion. Music overtook the conversation as the band heated up a notch, a slow bading across the air, making conversation near impossible. ¡°Oh, I promised someone a first slow dance.¡± Le turned Emma harshly, shoving her into Jake hard with that wicked smile aimed right at him, a twinkle of trouble in her eye. His arms automatically caught her and pulled her into his chest, throwing Le a look ofplete intolerance; he would be having words with herter. Jake quickly put Emma upright and back on her own feet as her perfume hit him again, too much for him to handle,bined with how good touching her always felt. He shifted her away, so he could gain some distance and regain control of his equilibrium. Chapter 305 Chapter 305 ¡°Keep her warm for me until Ie back, Jacob!¡± Le grinned cheekily and took off at speed, knowing that Jake was probably about to explode and hightailing it so she could leave them alone. She knew there would be repercussionster, but she didn¡¯t really care. ¡°That girl,¡± Jake said tightly, irritation concealed but his anger simmering inside. He avoided looking at Emma, wondering how the hell he could walk away from her and leave her here alone while looking so utterly fucking lost right now. She had an air of Bambi with big eyes and seemed to be suddenly ufortable with Le¡¯s departure. Jake couldn¡¯t control the stomach punching sensation it gave him. ¡°You¡¯ve got to love her though.¡± Emma shrugged nervously, biting on her bottom lip and causing yet another wave of excruciating pain. All her little anxiety tells had always been a point of agony for him, he hated seeing her doing it but right now any little Emma-ism was just killing him more. He missed everything about her so much. Do you really have no idea how goddamn adorable you are? The music was moving into full swing as couples moved around them, joining together to sway. Emma went into ultimate fidget mode almost immediately, twirling her hair like she always did when she was tense, looking around for an escape route and pretty much making him feel like the biggest asshole known to man. He watched her hand in her hair intensely for a second, lost in so many thoughts and memories, hating the habit yet pining for the familiarness of it. He realized she had caught his look, misunderstood what it meant and yanked her fingers out of her hair like a scolded child. Great! Another notch of assholeness. Jake frowned and looked about the floor, making a decision almost instantly. ¡°Want to dance with me, Anderson?¡± He had no clue why he thought this was the best course of action, all he knew was that he didn¡¯t want to walk away and leave her here and had no desire to see anyone else dance with her. He would kick seven shades of shit out of any guy who dared touch her. She looked momentarily shocked, color draining from her face a little and her fingers twitched as though aching to be back in her hair. Jake felt a warmth ofpassion, an old memory of her looking this unsure and untrusting of his intentions once before. ¡°I don¡¯t bite.¡± Jake smiled at the memory of a long-ago moment in his office. Emma seemed to register the memory too, a small smile warming her mouth and looked a little less shell shocked. Jake didn¡¯t wait for an answer; his body had been aching to be with hers for so long that it was almost impulsive to just reach for her. Pulling her close by the wrist, encircling her dainty smooth skin and bracing himself for the onught of emotions that hit him with her nearness. Emma automatically slipped into dance pose, hand in his and the other on his chest to stop the collision from the suddenness of his maneuver. Her palm was ced directly over his heart and with a searing touch, he was sure she could probably feel how hard and fast his heart was beating. He couldn¡¯t tear his eyes from that perfect red mouth as he drew closer. Emma looked stricken suddenly, a mixture of emotions flitting across her face so fast he had no clue what to even think. ¡°I can¡¯t do this,¡± she whispered suddenly, her voice breaking, and he could have sworn he saw a glint of a tear in her eye, but she was turning from him and trying to break free. Jake impulsively caught her chin with his fingers, tilting her back to him so he could try to read what she was feeling. Confused at seeing a look that, to him spelled outplete heartbreak and rendered him almost immobile as he tried to piece together what it meant. Before he had a chance to speak or control the sudden hammering of his chest, she had pulled her hand away and was pushing away from him. ¡°I need to go.¡± She yanked her chin away, face down so her hair spilled forward to hide her features from him. Jake felt panic rising within him, confusion and emotion consuming him, he stood motionless, unsure how to react as he watched her move away out of sight into the crowds. Jake¡¯s head became a mass of thoughts and feelings all warring for space, chaos clouding logical thought as his body seemed to jolt into a mess of heart-pounding sickening panic. He kept questioning that look, trying to dissect in seconds why she would look at him the way he had been looking at himself in the mirror for weeks. His head skimming through memories and conversations of thest weeks with her, tidbits of clues and puzzle pieces. He remembered thest song she sent him and reached into his jacket for his phone, looking up to see if she was still close enough to catch and realizing she waspletely gone. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Jake was glued to the spot, uncertainty keeping him here despite every part of his being screaming at him to go after her. It was then that it hit him, like a sudden lightning bolt moment. He had to know if he was just imagining it or if she could feel the same for him that he did for her. If that¡¯s what he just saw in her eyes. Looking at the phone in his hand he knew the way to ask. Hands shaking, he skimmed songs quickly until he found one which had been guing the radio for thest week. Sending it out into thework and to her phone without hesitation and hoping to God she had her cell with her. He had nothing else to lose, he had lost everything when she had walked out of his office and standing there watching her leave was only a harsh reminder that he would never love anyone the way he loved her. He needed to be sure. Jake Carrero has sent an iTunes gift to Emma Anderson. The email notice popped up on his phone and his stomach churned with nerves. Jake Carrero, you sent Jessie Wares¡ª¡®Say You Love Me¡¯. He knew there was no backing out of it now, she could only take that song one way and he would finally know for sure if he had ever stood a chance with her. The world seemed to stop around him, music dulling out to nothing, as the rush of blood ran through his ears. Close to his first ever real panic attack, he was sure his heart might explode. Come on, Emma, any sort of answer, please. He was staring at his phone, motionless in a sea of dancing bodies andpletely unaware of anything except the nk screen in front of him. It seemed like an eternity before an email notification pinged up on his screen, his heart lurching and his stomach dropping with fear, with trembling hands he hit the screen and opened the email. Emma Anderson has gifted you an iTunes song. Emma Anderson has sent you¡ªPaloma Faith¡ª¡®Only Love Can Hurt Like This¡¯. Jake¡¯s world stopped, a moment of pause as he took this in and it slowly dawned on him what her response meant. He read it twice to be sure before impulse took over and he was moving fast in the direction she left. Body alive with energy and tingling. He was on hyper-drive and determined that his only goal now was finding the girl who was about to be kissed to within an inch of her life. He was soaring, still desperate to push through the crowds and just find her. Emma loved him. His Emma really loved him, the way he loved her. His eyes were scanning the floor, people getting in his way were moved with a little force, ignoring people trying to stop him and talk. He just had one thing on his mind and he was damned if anyone was going to get in his way. He needed to find her and just see her, talk to her. Every blonde head and red dress was being assessed as he moved at a fast pace, shrugging off hands and hellos, sliding through groups of people with determination. Not giving a shit at how ignorant he was being. And then, there she was. Stopping him dead in his tracks, her eyes focused on him at the edge of the dance floor as though she had been waiting for him to find her. Looking like everything in the world that mattered to him, standing stock still only feet away. His entire being halted. Chapter 306 Chapter 306 Jake didn¡¯t hesitate a moment longer, the look on her face said everything he needed to act. She was wide-eyed and distraught, heartbroken and almost begging him toe to her. Who was he to refuse when all he had ever wanted was for her to want him this way? His feet had him marching her way, fast long strides to get to his end goal as soon as humanly possible. He didn¡¯t stop when he got to her, just intent on his purpose, aching to do what he had nned when he found her. His hands automatically cupping her face and pulling her to him, cupping her jaw, and meeting her mouth with unleashed force and passion thatpletely sent his head spiraling and heart soaring. Finally,plete. He kissed her as though his life depended on it, reveling in the way she sagged into him and kissed him back with matched fever. Jake was flying, his heart erratic, and he knew this was all he would ever need, just her and him and the ability to be this way with her. She was his soul. She clung to him as much as he held her, matching his passion and movement and neither breaking away from the intensity of the meeting for long minutes. Belongs to ? n0velDrama.Org. They were breathing hard, oblivious to the room around them and only focused on each other. He couldn¡¯t stop himself from kissing her, but he knew he had to do more, he had to tell her how he felt. He had to let her talk and confirm that this was something more than sex or lust. He needed her to know that he was serious about her, that for him, she was his forever. He needed to say the words he had been holding back for months. Jake needed to tell her that he was hopelessly in love with her. Breaking away finally, only enough to rest his forehead against hers and breathe her in, he just stared into the depths of those cool blue eyes that seemed to see right down into his very soul. Neither seemed to have words, just matched shallow breathing, oblivious to the room and people around them. He didn¡¯t care if reporters were taking pictures, or if people were staring right now, all he cared about was her and what she was thinking. ¡°Come with me?¡± Jake finally managed a whisper, tearing himself physically away from being so close to her and aching to get her alone. Despite the noise of the orchestra and the hustle and bustle around them, she seemed to hear him loud and clear, never tearing her eyes from his and nodding. Jake couldn¡¯t help the surge of happiness running through him, couldn¡¯t resist brushing his mouth against hers once more. Emma always tasted sweet, like cakes and candy and her; a headybination that was addictive to him, he didn¡¯t even care if her lipstick was all over him right now. He let go of her and slid her small dainty hand in his, interlocking fingers possessively and leading the way toward the main entrance fast. He couldn¡¯t stop the dizzying euphoria coursing through him or the sense of urgency in getting her alone. He just felt like this was all surreal after what felt like a lifetime of not being able to have her. He was walking on the clouds. Winding through the crowded room, Jake¡¯s impatience was rising with every person who got in his way. Familiar faces stopped them and even though he tried to deflect the attention, he had to stop when nked by a client who was a little more forceful in getting his attention. The stocky man seemed oblivious to the young, beautiful girl he was so obviously trying to usher out of the room with him. Jake could feel himself almost growling with frustration as heunched into a speech about some funding nonsense for a new venture. Jake nced down at Emma to check she was okay, to check she was real and this wasn¡¯t some weird hallucination. That face looking trustingly up at him only tore at him more and made him more determined to get her alone. God, I love you so fucking much, bambino. Jake¡¯s attention was pulled back by the gray-haired suit extending a hand, some feeble attempt at agreeing to a lunch date for a business chat. Jake hadn¡¯t even been listening, so overly aware of the warm, soft hand in his and the way Emma was curling gently around his side. He wanted to have more contact with her than this. He wanted to wrap himself up in her. Pulling her in closer, Jake tucked her slender arm under his and grasped her hand a little firmer, closer but still not close enough to be able to deal with these idiots holding them up. Right now, he would agree to pitch a million at any stupid idea as long as they shut the fuck up and got out of his way. Finally, suit moved and Jake made a move to get them going once more, they didn¡¯t get far before another one slid in front, blocking their passage. Jake almost yelled at him in sheer frustration. For fuck¡¯s sake. Impatience andplete frustration had him nodding eagerly, trying to slide past and pulling Emma into him a little forcefully. He was trying to palm the suit off with a hand wave, but he was having none of it. ¡°So, Mr. Carrero, we could meet up ¡­¡± Jake zoned out, focusing only on her, sliding her hand free and instead put an arm around her waist and bodily molded them side by side, she rested her head against his chest impulsively, and he almost melted into a mushy puddle on the floor. She had no idea what she could do to him with minimal effort. Jake kissed her temple, he just wanted to be done here and to be able to get this all out. To look her in the eye and ask her straight out if she wanted to be with him from now until eternity. That¡¯s all he could think about. ¡°Yeah sure, just call my office to make a lunch appointment. Anytime.¡± Jake almost waved the guy out of his face, missing his handshake a little prematurely and just moving to get past quickly, oblivious to the awkwardness he had just caused in the man left iling hands in mid-air. Jake pulled Emma with him fast, seeing an opening within the standing people and aiming for it before anyone else snagged him to a standstill. Emma stumbled on her shoes, and he almost cursed at the fact he knew he was practically dragging her, guilt hitting him hard and knocking him for six. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¡­ I just need to get you out of here quickly ¡­ I need us to be alone¡ªto talk.¡± He sounded nervous as hell and maybe he was, all he knew was this ce was starting to piss him off and looking for escape was proving to be more difficult than he nned. Getting them finally to the main hall, he looked around for privacy, spying a little door marked staff that was sat ajar and showed a dark unused hall. Perfect. Leading the way once more, he slowed down as Emma lifted her dress and seriously thought about scooping her up to carry her for a moment. Looking around at the volume of milling guests he thought better of it and slowed his pace to let her keep up. Looking at her in that dress, her sexy-as-hell shoes peeking out in all their tall stiletto beauty, his body went into immediate hunger overdrive. God, he wanted more than just to kiss her, he wanted her naked and under him. Her shoe choices had always made him horny, she had perfect legs, and he loved nothing more than seeing them slid into shoes like this. If he got her home in this dress, or even out of that dress, those shoes would be staying on. Checking around he opened the door further into a dim abandoned hall and pulled her inside with him, turning her so he could push her back against the wall behind the cover of the door and unleashing every urge he had been fighting out there to kiss her again. This time the force of all the pent-up lust hit out harder, flooring her with a kiss that sent him into lust overdrive. He could barely control the way she made him feel, the way he wanted her and as she crumbled into him he had to crush her further into the wall to hold her up. His hands slid around her curves, fingers smoothing over sweet warmth. Sense seemed to catch up with him with the unleashing of pent-up passion and doubts started to creep in. He hadn¡¯t let her talk even once since he kissed her, he hadn¡¯t let her confirm that she even wanted this. Isn¡¯t this always what I do to her? Push myself onto her with force, so that she can¡¯t do anything but y along. Jake tilted his head back, unable to let her go even though insecurity and doubt were now flooding through his over-wired brain, he was a jumbled mess of emotions and had no way to deal with the flood of self-doubt that had just hit him square in the stomach. He frowned, swallowing down his fear and realizing she still hadn¡¯t said anything, just staring at him helplessly and ripping his heart to shreds with silence. It was starting to feel all too familiar and every single instance just like this came flooding to mind. A million rejections that had started with promise. Chapter 307 Chapter 307 ¡°I¡¯m waiting on it, Emma.¡± His voice was low and pained, hating himself for his tone and acting this way after the way he had just kissed her. He was an emotional mess and had been for months. He just couldn¡¯t bear any of this anymore, and he needed her to just say it. ¡°On what?¡± She sounded young and vulnerable, doe-eyed, and meek. He wanted to punch himself in the face for his sudden change toward her, but he couldn¡¯t help it. Part of him was back peddling and getting ready for another scene that left him here and Emma walking away, preparing for another stab in the heart. ¡°The door to hit me in the face again; another reason you think we shouldn¡¯t be together.¡± He said it sardonically, his tone t as though already resigned that this was too good to be true. He felt the overwhelming fear rising up his spine, knowing from experience that her kissing him back meant nothing. Emma shook her head, her face softening and lifted her fingers to trace the shape of his lips. The touch sending a tingling sensation right through his very soul, catching her hand to press it to his face and commit this moment to memory in case it was thest. Emma smiled at him. ¡°I¡¯m not going to do that, Jake. I won¡¯t push you away again.¡± Jake felt the inner pain and dread loosen a little, watched the way Emma remained calm and continued to gaze up at him with unveiled adoration. This really was different for her this time. His tense muscles rxed as a warm realization hit him, he really had her after all. She wasn¡¯t running or closing down, she wasn¡¯t even pushing him away. Still in his arms and touching him freely. ¡°I love you ¡­ I think I¡¯ve been in love with you for a very long time.¡± Jake let it out, like a wave of relief, something that had been on his lips for what felt like an eternity and had never had the courage to say to her. Smiling at the release and suddenly not feeling so scared anymore. Emma, however, burst into an instant mess of unexpected tears that shocked him. Jake pulled her against his chest, confused and a little unsure how he was meant to take that at all. All he could do was hold her, stroke her hair and pray to God she was ¡°happy¡± crying. Hoping that¡¯s what women did anyway. ¡°I ¡­ I ¡­¡± she stammered and then got even more emotional, falling to pieces in his arms and gripping onto him tightly as flood gates of tears and sobbing opened up. All he could do was cling right back on and bury his face in her hair helplessly. His heart upping a beat and fearing back to gnaw at his insides. Emma wasn¡¯t much of a crier and whenever she did he hated it, made him feel pretty much like it did now, as though his insides were being twisted out in the most excruciating way. ¡°Don¡¯t cry, bambino ¡­ Please, Emma ¡­ I didn¡¯t think telling you I loved you would cause this,¡± he said hoarsely, tensing his arms around her and just trying so hard to mold every line and curve to him while supporting her. ¡°Say something.¡± Anything, please ¡­ Tell me you want this. ¡°I ¡­ love ¡­ you.¡± It came from her so breathily between sniffs, Jake immediately exhalingplete relief and suddenly aware he had been holding his breath. His body went into instant warm and fuzzy overdrive and for once in his life understood all that girly mushy crap about butterflies and inner tingles. The overwhelming euphoria of three little words from the only person who truly mattered changed everything in that one moment. Jake lifted her chin gently, unable to stop the goofy happy smile breaking across his face and kissed her softly. He could do this for an eternity and never tire of how good she felt. How kissing her seemed to make the world stop turning and everything make sense. He could kiss Emma every second of every day for a lifetime and know it would always feel this good. This material belongs to N?velDrama.Org. His gentle meeting of the lips set her off again into another flood of hormonal tears, only this time Jake didn¡¯t crumble into insecurity, he smiled instead and watched her with a small shake of the head. ¡°Jesus, Emma ¡­ If I¡¯d known this was how it would be, I would¡¯ve brought some tissues and a lot of chocte.¡± Tangling his fingers in her soft, silky hair, no longer pained at her tears because he knew sometimes girls cried when they were happy. In this case, he had no doubt his beautiful girl was happy. Her giggle through tears confirmed it and he sighed against her once more. What am I going to do with you? Emma looked up under loweredshes, her makeup doing a pretty good job of staying put for the most part, despite the waterworks and smiled at him coyly. It had the same effect as a thud to the chest. ¡°They¡¯re happy tears.¡± She smiled once more, another sniff and some signs of regainingposure. Emma pulled her bag forward and began to search for something, he assumed a tissue, seeing as now her cheeks were starting to get little rivers of diluted ck running subtly down them. It only made her even more goddamn adorable to him, and he lifted his hand to her face to start removing the traces of makeup as they fell. ¡°Should I be crying too then?¡± He smiled down at her, wiping her cheek with his thumb and then switching tactics to his jacket sleeve and dabbing at her instead. He didn¡¯t care if this was a ten- thousand-dor suit, his baby needed a tissue, and he would let her use his entire shirt if she wanted it. He wiped most of her upset away before caging her in against the wall to just take her in. Every little detail of her in full glory had his heart soaring, he moved in close, so he could breathe her in. Three words had just changed everything between them and now his life was looking a hell of a lot better. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to see you cry.¡± Emma blinked up at him cutely, a face so innocent and beautiful that he had no resistance to her. ¡°Good. I¡¯m not much of a crier and you¡¯re doing a grand enough job for the both of us. I¡¯m happy though, you have no idea. I never thought we¡¯d get here. I didn¡¯t think this was how you felt about me.¡± Jake moved in, wanting contact with her at all times and rested his brow against hers. She leaned up suddenly and bravely and kissed him this time, knocking the wind out of him momentarily and pretty much making him the happiest guy on the in that second. It only ignited his deep longing for her and passion brimmed in milliseconds, bracing her face to him by sliding his hand behind her neck so he could deepen the kiss and caress her tongue with his. Emma groaned under her breath which in turn made him groan too, still hopeless to how much power she always had over him. Jake pulled away before he lost all control and ripped her dress open, unable to just break free, he sucked in her bottom lip and gently slid away. He loved the taste of her in every way and could only imagine how much he was going to devour every single inch of her skin when he got her alone. The way Emma was looking up at him told him that would be sooner rather thanter, the unleashed raw look on her face of sheer lust had his body stirring and heat rising within. He wanted her so badly it was almost painful. ¡°If we keep doing this, then I can promise you I won¡¯t be a gentleman for much longer.¡± He warned her, voice soft as his focus stayed on the slightly kiss-swollen set of perfect lips. The red lipstick was still in ce and weirdly unsmeared. ¡°Oh, I always knew you weren¡¯t a gentleman.¡± She jested, biting her lip seductively and staring right back at Jake¡¯s own mouth. She wasn¡¯t helping calm his libido one little bit. God, I want to kiss you and fuck you nonstop. ¡°Hey! I¡¯ve been very well behaved. You have no idea the kind of thoughts that went through my head concerning you.¡± He caught her wrists and pinned them up over her head, loving how it made her both vulnerable and open to his control but the way it made her bust rise up from her dress a little, peeking a little riskily on the verge of overflow. He wanted her naked more than anything and still glued to her body it was really hard to keep the obvious sign under control in his pants. ¡°None of that surprises me, you and your ex-rated mind. I always knew you had Casanova tendencies.¡± Emma grinned up at him, shifting her pelvis closer and almost nudging him. ¡°Cheeky!¡± He threw her a fast, chaste, kiss and let her go, more than aware that he was about to lose his shit and fuck her against the wall if they kept this up. He had little control around her normally, so this was only testing all his powers to the very verge of his limits. ¡°You¡¯re beautiful, and you¡¯re all mine!¡± Chapter 308 Chapter 308 He moved his body from hers and leaned in for another soft kiss, something he knew would be an addiction from here on in. Having this ability to just kiss her whenever he wanted was like all his birthdaysing at once and he intended to use it to its full potential. ¡°I¡¯m still mad at you.¡± Emma slid her palms across his stomach, sending shivers of anticipation through him, her hands smoothing within his jacket which was open and sliding up across the muscles in his chest. He had to steel himself against the urge to turn to Jell-O. His eyes followed her progress and the tiny hint of a smile tugged at her lips, he couldn¡¯t stop looking at her. ¡°I don¡¯t me you, be.¡± He frowned. ¡°I¡¯m mad at me too,¡± Jake replied regretfully, smoothing her hair back behind her ear and taking a moment to focus on untangling a strand from the dangling diamond cluster earring. He needed to calm down his yboy impulses if he was going to romance her into a happy ever after. She wasn¡¯t going to be some one-night piece of fun for him; Emma was all he had been waiting for in life. The other half to his soul. He watched her carefully, regret at so many lost months eating at him, knowing if he had just been honest with her long ago then he would have always had her. Complete idiot. ¡°Makes a change from being mad at me, I guess.¡± Emma¡¯s smile widened to a smirk as he regarded her. Lost in how many times he could have changed the course of their rtionship by saying three little words to her. ¡°I only got mad with you because of how I feel about you, Emma. It was ripping me apart. I didn¡¯t know how to behave around you or how to deal with all this crap inside of me. Over-emotional men are just snarky shits.¡± He softly smiled, knowing it wasme as apologies went, but he intended to spend every day for the next hundred years making this up to her. ¡°I get mad at you because you¡¯re an asshole sometimes; nothing to do with emotions or love.¡± She joked, smiling widely with a hint of amusement in those gorgeous pale eyes. She moved to run her fingertips softly across his mouth again, drawing his attention to how perfect they gelled. Each touch tailored to the other almost perfectly and how she could weaken him so easily. ¡°We need to make this work.¡± Jake sighed. ¡°I can¡¯t walk away again ¡­ I don¡¯t want to. This past month has been unbearable like I had my insides wrenched out.¡± ¡°Are you asking me to be your PA again?¡± she asked softly, looking him dead in the eye with a hint of the old Emma confidence seeping back in. He couldn¡¯t help but smile at her. ¡°I¡¯m asking for way more than that, miele.¡± His hands had moved back into that blonde curled hair he loved so much, fingertips grazing her scalp as he entangled its silky smoothness between his fingers. He loved that every time he touched her hair it not only felt good but released more of her delicious scent. ¡°Tell me what you want from me, be specific.¡± Emma had gone into full-on PA mode, that stern yet inquisitive look, she was waiting for him toy his cards on the table before she let too much of her own hopes out. Typical Emma, still guarding her heart until she was sure he wasn¡¯t going to trample on her. I love you, bambino. Jake did not hesitate in doing what she needed. ¡°I want you ¡­ all of you ¡­ I want us. Just you and me and no one else. No games, no hiding, no more misunderstandings. I want you to be the one woman I share my bed and my life with. I want a real rtionship with you, bambino.¡± He didn¡¯t think he could spell it out any clearer than that, and she deserved his full honesty after everything he had put her through. Somehow though, even knowing she felt this way too, it was still terrifying to justy his soul bare out there. Emma threw herself against him so suddenly it almost winded him and wrapped herself tightly around him like a child would to a parent. She squeezed him as tightly as she could. ¡°I want that too,¡± she whispered so softly it was barely audible and his heart swelled tenfold, he slid his hand back into her hair, resting her head against him and cradling her close. ¡°You better not be crying again,¡± he joked, warming more when she tilted back to look up at him with wide happy eyes and the most gorgeous of Emma smiles, the one thing that had always captivated her to him was that genuine smile. Even eons ago when they first met, any hints of her genuine smile had floored him. ¡°No tears ¡­ Brownie¡¯s whatsits.¡± Emma attempted some sort of disastrous salute that had him grinning like a kid, pushing her hand down with an indulgent look. She maybe wasn¡¯t so perfect at everything she did, but she was perfect enough. ¡°This ¡­ us ¡­ it¡¯s really happening?¡± Jake needed to say it aloud, needed to get to grips with the fact this was real, and she wasn¡¯t just a dream, resulting from a major emotional breakdown at losing her. ¡°It looks that way.¡± Emma wiggled her fingers into Jake¡¯s and pulled his hand to nestle against his own chest beside her face, he could feel the soft sensation of her breaths on his wrists and it was sending tingles all through him. ¡°You may need to pinch me a couple of times to believe it, shorty.¡± Jake slid her off of his body so he could bridge the height difference and kiss her once more, his hand freed from hers was now skimming across the softest expanse of creamy throat, across her shoulder slowly. Her skin felt like the softest velvet. Emma looked suddenly so very serious, her facial expression dropping in an instant and her body tensing as quickly, she looked up at him with wariness. ¡°What about Marissa?¡± Her voice broke subtly, emotion under the surface and pain in the depths of those eyes, he cursed internally. Hating that this was one situation he couldn¡¯t just wipe away, even for her. ¡°I don¡¯t want her! I didn¡¯t want her! It was a stupid drunken mistake. I¡¯ll be there for the baby but as far as she¡¯s concerned, she means nothing. It¡¯s you, it will always be you.¡± It¡¯s all he had, the best he could do, knowing that it was something he would need to deal with soon. He traced her eyebrow gently, trying so hard to erase that goddamn soul-crushing look of doubt in her eye. She was thinking about the one thing that could potentially ruin what they hadn¡¯t even started yet. ¡°How do you feel about the baby?¡± she asked sheepishly, and he knew there was no getting around it at that moment. She wanted to feel secure, and it was his job to make her that way. ¡°I¡¯d be lying if I said I was happy ¡­ I¡¯m not ¡­ but I did this, and I need to take responsibility. I hadn¡¯t ever thought about having kids, so this is all pretty overwhelming right now.¡± Jake screwed up his face at the thought of that wretched whore Marissa crossing his mind¡¯s eye, all smug and repulsive. ¡°Don¡¯t walk away from your child.¡± Emma blinked up at him earnestly, her mind obviously following through to what it was like in her own childhood with a guy who didn¡¯t want a kid. Jake leaned in to kiss her again, this time to try to erase some of that self-doubt and heartache almost instinctively. He hated that guy for doing that to his beautiful girl. ¡°That¡¯s not me, Emma ¡­ I¡¯m nothing like your father. I won¡¯t walk away.¡± He pushed her forehead with his reassuringly. ¡°Can we drop this conversation for now as I have something I¡¯d much rather be doing.¡± Jake grinned, determined to take her mind elsewhere and her body too if she was willing. Enough of the dying and standing in a dark hall surrounded by strangers; he wanted to take her home and make this thing real. ¡°Such as?¡± Emma smiled warily, sudden doubt as to his motives and it only made him want to grin. Always a little unsure and childlike, it was something that had always drawn him to her and made him want to take care of her. She had no clue how vulnerable and na?ve she often came across even in full- blown school mistress PA mode. ¡°Taking my girlfriend home and fucking her brains out. It¡¯s long overdue.¡± He grinned, hitting her with a ground moving kiss in a bid to recapture some fire between them, hands sliding around her possessively and pushing her back into the wall to support them both. Owned by N?velDrama.Org. Emma kissed him back with equal fervor and passion, her body molding to his and hands sliding up inside between the buttons of his shirt. Bodies igniting with raw lust and on the verge of losing control. He knew there was no stopping them now, he was taking her home as soon as he stopped kissing her and never letting her go again. The end of The Carrero Trilogy book 1 , the next in this series is The Carrero Heart and Follows Sophie and Arrick. The Novel will be updated first on this website. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!