The book on good leadership that Mink had found on the bookshelf in his conquered Clancastle wasn''t bad at all. Goodness knows who had bought it originally, but someone had obviously studied it intensively. There was a whole chapter on internal resistance and dealing with dissatisfied employees. Mink read with interest. The authors advised professional complaint management. Employees should be given regular opportunities to voice their complaints to management. This would immediately ease the situation and often also provide good impetus for further action.


    Mink thought about it. There was actually nothing wrong with him taking half an afternoon from time to time, once a week for example, and letting his people talk. He had actually wanted to delegate it to Yikesy (after all, unlike him, she wasn''t busy!), but she had just tapped her forehead and given him a snippy ''Dream on!''.


    It was the same as always. You had to do everything yourself! But the advantage was that it was guaranteed to be done well.


    Mink took a piece of cardboard, wrote the word ''complaints office'' on it with a thick permanent marker and hung it on the door of the parlour on the ground floor. He then sat down at a table in the parlour and waited for what was to come.


    ___________________________________________


    ''We demand litter trays for the cats.'' Thunder Benexi sat coolly opposite the boss and knew exactly what he wanted.


    ''Thunder Cat and Thunder Loki are outside with a banner and a list of signatures. All the cats have already signed, and we''ve found supporters among the other animals too. As a dog, you can''t oppose it now.''


    ''Please what?'' Mink could hardly believe his ears.


    ''You''ve heard it. This clan castle is rubbish. There aren''t enough toilets, and it''s an imposition on the cats that they''re always expected to use the human toilets. We want litter trays.''


    ''And where am I supposed to get a litter tray in a hurry?''


    ''One? Several! Every cat wants its own litter tray.''


    Mink snorted. ''You''re not even a cat yet! Look at you! Look at your profile picture!''


    ''Careful. I define myself as a cat. So I am a cat. Diversity rules and protection of minorities. We demand both, by the way. In addition to the litter trays.''


    Mink counted slowly to ten inside.


    Then he endeavoured to put on a friendly face.


    ''All right,'' he said silkily, ''I''ll take care of it. Next please!''


    The donkey entered the parlour. Mink rolled his eyes.


    ''Do you want a special donkey toilet now? Or protection for minorities under the rules of diversity?''


    ''No, that''s too gay for me. I want my own stable!''


    Mink thought he had misheard him. ''You have your own stable!''


    ''Candycane has put her horse in my stable. I don''t want to be in a stable with that horse. The horse is gay.''


    ''Listen to me. I don''t have a second stable here. And I don''t see why, because of a horse...''


    ''The horse is sexually harassing me. I''m a straight donkey. The horse is gay. I demand that you remedy this.''


    Mink inwardly counted to ten again. ''We''ll put up a partition, okay? So the horse can''t see you any more.''


    ''And soundproof, please. And odour-proof. So that I can no longer hear and smell the horse. The horse farts all day. It''s unacceptable and the gayest thing ever."


    Mink nodded and stared at his notes. ''Next please!''


    Muslim Cat entered the room. Before he could sit down, Mink waved him off eagerly. ''You''ll get your litter tray! It''s all sorted!''


    ''I''m not here for the litter tray,'' Muslim Cat replied piqued. ''I want to complain!''


    Mink sighed. ''Okay, what is it with you?''


    ''I''ve noticed that the cat food they buy here has pork in it. I can''t eat that. As you may have realised, I''m a Muslim cat. I demand the purchase of cat food that is halal.''


    Mink felt like a merry-go-round was starting to spin in his head.


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    ''For the life of me, I don''t know where to get cat food that''s halal.''


    ''I don''t either. But I need something to eat. Yesterday I managed to catch and eat two squirrels that were running around here. But that''s not a permanent solution. You expect us to fight, I expect rations to be provided.''


    Mink nodded helplessly. He hastily made the necessary notes.


    Muslim Cat left the room, and the next moment an angry Russian came stomping in with a vodka bottle in his hand. He threw himself into an armchair opposite Mink and began to rave: ''I want to complain!''


    ''Yes, that''s what I''m here for,'' moaned Mink, ''what''s the problem with you?''


    ''I don''t have a problem! But this faction has one!"


    ''And which one is that?''


    ''Girls!'' grunted the angry Russian, ''you have too many girls in the leadership. That''s the end of any sensible faction, believe me on that. I saw that on the 656. A faction led by women can only capitulate in the end. If you don''t listen to me, that will be the end of you!''


    Mink cleared his throat. ''The women I have in charge here are doing a very good job...''


    ''Bullshit! They do a shit! You can see that you can''t really get through to the 656. They''re just weak women there! Just hit them! If you can''t do it because you''re too weak to get your way with the girls, give me R5 and I''ll sort it out!''


    Mink realised that he was starting to get angry. ''Now listen to me...''


    ''No, you listen to me! I''ve got a lot of experience and I know my stuff!'' roared the angry Russian, slamming his vodka bottle so hard on Mink''s table that it almost shattered. ''It''s all rubbish what you''re doing here! You''ve got nothing under control here! At least give me R4, then I''ll turn the faction into a powerful force that can really make a difference, not something half-baked, and I''ll throw all these women out myself!''


    Mink leaned back slowly and rang for his security guard, who was also immediately in the room. ''Take this guy back to the farm faction. Four weeks. And block him on all channels. I don''t want to see or hear him for a while.''


    ''Yes, because you''re weak and a wimp! The women have already completely softened you up!''


    ''Eight weeks,'' said Mink with icy calm, ''and every time you say another word, I''ll add another eight weeks.''


    While security removed the angry Russian, who was raging with anger, Mink first needed a coffee. The Dude joined him. ''How did they put up with that bloke on the 656?''


    ''Not at all! That''s why he''s with us now!''


    ''And who''s responsible for him being here?''


    They both looked at each other. Then they shouted in unison: ''Marzzzz!!!''


    Even the coffee and the grumbling didn''t help in the end, as Mink realised from his ever-decreasing mood.


    This complaints management was incredibly exhausting. Every front was easier! He thought about who he could delegate this to in future. He already had the feeling that his head was bursting.


    He had just sat down at his table in the lounge again when a fanfare sounded from outside.


    The Dude looked out. ''State visit!''


    Mink almost choked. ''Who on earth is that?''


    ''I don''t know! Do we have a red carpet or something?''


    ''I don''t know, I don''t think so. I never cared for all the pomp and circumstance.''


    ''Hm, maybe we can at least have a few people form a trellis or something, I''ll see...''


    ''Could you please open the second gate?'' shouted a shrill voice outside the entrance hall, ''We can''t get through!''


    Mink and the Dude hurried into the entrance hall, where several Thunder brothers were just heaving open the second door.


    As soon as this was done, four palanquin bearers carried in a large golden palanquin and carefully set it down in the centre of the hall. And Lil Arrow emerged from the palanquin with a corpse-bitter expression, clutching his golden cloak and holding his head stiffly so that his wig wouldn''t slip.


    He cast a sombre glance round and then tilted his head slightly in Mink''s direction. ''I salute you, King of the Bracket. Is there somewhere we can talk undisturbed?''


    Mink pointed silently at the door to the parlour. Lil Arrow looked at the cardboard sign with raised eyebrows, but then entered the room and took a seat opposite Mink.


    ''What can I do for you?'' Mink asked his unexpected visitor politely - after all, he was a professional.


    Lil Arrow pursed his powdered lips. ''I want to complain. I hear you''re giving us the chance today.''


    Mink nodded, cursing himself. He''d best burn that damn book on good leadership tonight.


    ''Do you want your right hand man back? That DemonAngel or whatever it''s called?''


    Lil Arrow''s nose twitched. ''No. I don''t need my right hand anymore.''


    ''Do you want me to chop off your left hand as well?'' Mink replied calmly.


    ''I''m serious!''


    ''I didn''t mean it as a joke either.''


    Lil Arrow''s eyebrows shot up. He hastily hid both hands under his cloak. ''Well - I''m glad you see the world with the same seriousness I do. I have a serious complaint to make.''


    Mink gestured for his visitor to continue speaking.


    ''You are the king of this GW bracket,'' Lil Arrow continued, ''still uncrowned, but soon to be crowned. So it''s your job to deal with lawbreaking and inappropriate behaviour from all the factions here on the map.''


    Mink pondered. Was that really his job? He had little desire to play police here. What on earth did his visitor expect him to do?


    ''I think,'' Lil Arrow emphasised every single word, ''that offences against the seriousness of this game in particular should be severely punished. Players who make fun of others and do so on a large scale should be banned completely. And a set of rules should be issued that makes this very clear once again.''


    The merry-go-round in Mink''s head spun faster.


    ''Er...''


    ''''''Er'' is not an answer to my request,'' Lil Arrow huffed. ''I have a serious problem here, especially with the 656, but unfortunately also with a lot of your people. They shout at each other through the windows all day, make stupid jokes, think it''s all terribly funny and get on my last nerve. They attack with Lupo and definitely have no idea about the game and make no effort at all. That''s a lack of respect for the opponent. I''m a serious player and I demand...''


    ''I''ll take care of your request,'' Mink replied hastily, his merry-go-round threatening to derail in his head, ''I promise you. In all seriousness, however, it will take some time to prepare, so I would like to ask you to return to your castle with the necessary seriousness. We will be in touch.''


    Satisfied, Lil Arrow left the parlour. At last someone had understood him! At last someone had listened to him!


    He even forgave his palanquin bearers for getting caught on the upper door frame as they left the castle, causing their boss''s wig to fall off his head and give him a severe bruise.


    The king had taken him seriously! That easily outweighed everything else.


    _____________________________________________________


    Mink dropped back into his seat, exhausted. It was an imposition! This complaints office had been the stupidest idea of the century. He would manage one or two more complainants at most, then he urgently needed a break.


    ''Next, please,'' he called out, exhausted, and was very surprised to see the Dude enter the room next. ''You???''


    His friend sat down opposite him and made a serious face. ''I want to complain...''


    ''Not you too! What''s going on today? What is it with you?''


    Thunder Dude sighed.


    ''Yikesy... she hardly bullies me at all anymore. She has almost no time for me anymore.''


    Mink thought. He realised that Yikesy hadn''t really bullied him for quite some time either.


    ''Damn, bro - we need Yikesy! I used to get upset when she bullied me, but now I miss it!''


    ''I agree with you. What should we do?''


    The king snapped his fingers. ''Got it, we''ll tell her she needs to bully us more again. And also get us a second Yikesy. To relieve and support the first one.''


    The Dude''s eyes widened. ''And where am I supposed to get that, bro?''


    ''Oh, don''t be like that. You''ll find some evil old hag somewhere. Get her here and hire her and everything will be perfect again.''


    The Dude nodded. ''That''s the perfect solution. I''ll get to work right away.''


    The Dude left the room much more satisfied than before.


    One last complainant was supposed to be waiting outside.


    Mink wondered whether he could manage this one, but then he was wheeled in: Lipsyte in his wheelchair! He wasn''t quite in the room before he started shouting: ''I want to complain! These are impossible conditions here! I stood in the storeroom for two days screaming for help until someone finally heard me, this is unbelievable, I''m your brother and you treat me like this, and one of you has eaten my squirrels, you should be ashamed of yourselves, as soon as I can use my arms and legs again I''ll burn you all...''


    Mink fled from the parlour, ran outside into the demonstration of the cats and the Thunder brothers, who were still chanting ''Burn everything!'' and were now beating each other with their banners and placards out of sheer boredom, hurried up the stairs and locked himself in his room.


    The first thing he did there was to grab the book on good leadership and put it at the very back of the shelf with the ''Legends''. He would never touch this devil''s work again! Without question, there were books that were very dangerous, and this one was undoubtedly one of them!