chapter 22


    As I am waking up, I then realize I am no longer outside but inside on the couch. I am not really sure


    how I got here, I jumped up and ran to Jayden''s room. Wanting to check on him to make sure that he is


    ok, promising him that I would be there first thing in the morning, not wanting to break my promise.


    When I approach his room, I see Landon with his head down on Jayden''s bed, they are still sleeping. I


    leave the bedroom quietly, trying not to wake them. I hear someone in the kitchen I go to, and I see it''s


    Dean.


    “Good morning Dean, how did you sleep? I wanted to tell you thank you for carrying me inst night. I


    didn''t mean to fall asleep.”


    “Good morning to you also Lilly but I am not sure what you are talking about I did not carry you


    anywhere.”


    “Oh, I had fallen asleep outside on the stepst night I think I did anyway, but when I woke up this


    morning I was on the couch. I thought that you came out and carried me in.”


    “Sorry Lilly It wasn''t mest night I thought you went home.”


    “I was going to go home, but I could not bring myself to leave Jayden, so I just stayed and identally


    fell asleep.”


    “Well, would you like some coffee, then?”


    “I would love some, thank you so much.”


    As I get myself some coffee I stand there wondering did Landon carry me inst night. He was so mad


    at me. I honestly think he was just looking for someone to me. I am not sure of his history and what


    all has happened to him, I just hope in time he will tell me.


    I then hear footsteps as I look to see who it is, and I notice it''s Landon walking down the hall to the


    kitchen. I want to say good morning how did you sleep, but the words can''t escape my mouth. I want to


    ask him if he carried me inst night, but I don''t. I am just silent. I want to avoid upsetting him already


    this morning.


    Dean looks at Landon “good morning, would you like some coffee Alpha,” he asked him?


    “Thank you, that would be great. I would love some coffee,” he responds.


    I am surprised that he''s not asking me to get out. He was so angry with me yesterday, but it wasn''t my


    fault. He should be more worried about how the rouges are getting into his territory. If the attack didn''t


    happen to Jayden, it could have happened to anyone in his pack. He needs to put out more guards to


    protect his pack. I know his pack is not a very big pack, which isn''t good at all. If his pack members


    need help on the learning defense, I could always assist in training them. I am not sure if I should even


    say something I want to avoid offending him.


    As we all set the table and drink our coffee, it''s quiet. Not absolutely sure if anybody really knows what


    to say. I want to tell Landon that it was not my fault. I then start to wonder if Sam and I weren''t together.


    Maybe I could have protected Jayden from all of this. No, this is not my fault his territory should have


    been protected by his guards. Something isn''t right.


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    Landon looks at Dean “there is a pack meeting this morning. I want to understand how rouges are


    getting into our territory without being noticed.”


    “Are you sure you want to ask a question like that pack members might think that you''re ming them


    for his attack?”


    “There is no reason that a rouge should have been that close to our territory they should have been


    detected there''s no excuse for this attack it could happen to anyone.”


    “It Didn''t though it happened to your son, and they might think that his life is more important than


    theirs.”


    “Well, to me, his life is he''s a child that should have never happened.”


    I can tell the conversation is getting heated I don''t want to butt in, but I do. “Instead of trying to find


    someone to me, why don''t you suggest more training for your pack members.”


    “Further training I have guards that are trained that would have been able to take out this rouge.”


    “I''m not talking about your guards, what about the people who aren''t your guards if they could defend


    themselves against them? Maybe they could take the rouge out themselves or even if it''s just to train


    them to protect themselves or how to escape.”


    “I can''t just focus on training now, I need to figure out why all this is happening first.”


    “I know defense training my father taught me I could teach them if you allow it. You could even make it


    voluntary, so you''re not forcing them to do anything they don''t want.”


    “Why would you want to help my pack to train them to defend themselves.”?


    “If I am going to be a part of this pack, I want to contribute what I can, and I can do this if you let me.”


    “I will talk it over with my pack members and see what their opinion is if they want training, then you


    may train them.”


    I am surprised that everything went better than I thought it would go. I do want to help Landon and his


    pack to strengthen them. This is something I can do even being pregnant; this won''t put me in harm''s


    way training other wolves to help themselves. Training them to build confidence in themselves to make


    them believe they can do anything. I know my father trained me, that''s how I felt invincible against the


    world.


    “Landon, I also think Jayden should train with Me Too! If kids want training, they should be allowed to


    be able to defend themselves.”


    “I will think about it, I will mention it to the parents and I will not force their children to train.”


    “You need to make it known that this isn''t training to fight this is training to defend yourself from being


    killed to fight your attacker off. You can''t make it like I''m training their kids to fight wars.”


    “I also can''t talk their parents into doing something that they don''t think is right for their child.”


    “That''s where you''re wrong, you are the alpha. You need to talk them in to doing training so that their


    kids can defend themselves, so this does not happen to anyone else.”


    “Are you saying that this is my fault because I didn''t train my son to defend himself?”


    “No, I am not saying that at all I want to help with defense training. I know it''s how I can help if you let


    me.”


    “Like I said, if they agree to your training you ''re more wee to train them I don''t mind, but they have


    to be willing.”


    “You''re their alpha, you could encourage them, it is important to be able to defend yourself.”


    He says nothing back to me. I am so angry. I don''t understand what it would hurt for his pack to be able


    to defend themselves. Why wouldn''t anyone want to be able to defend themselves, to be able to fight


    back? To protect themselves from those who want to hurt them. He shouldn''t have to force them, they


    should want the training. I guess I am just going to have to wait to see how things are going to work


    out. If they don''t want my help, then fine. But I will help Jayden to learn how to defend himself, so this


    doesn''t happen to him again.


    Suddenly, I hear a sweet little voice, I automatically know it''s Jayden.


    Knowing that he''s awake, I got up from the kitchen table and I walked back to his room. Not caring if


    Landon wants me to see him or not, I am going to see him. I walk into the Room and I see his beautiful


    blue eyes staring back at me.


    “Good morning sleepyhead, I told you I''d be here when you woke up.”


    “Good morning Lily I am happy that you are here. I was hoping you would be when I woke up.”


    “I told you I would be here, there wouldn''t be anything that could stop me, especially when I promised.”


    “Lilly, I need to tell you something.”


    “What is it buddy, what do you need to tell me.”


    “You can''t tell my daddy though he will get mad at me, you promise you won''t tell him.”


    “I am not sure if I can promise you or not because sometimes daddy''s need to know things to help


    you.”


    “I sometimes hurt myself on purpose because I see my mommy. She always tells me not to, but I miss


    her and that''s the only way I see her.”


    “I know how it feels to miss your family, but we have to go on. It''s not fair to go on without them, but we


    don''t have The Choice. You need to stop hurting yourself, your mommy wouldn''t want that And your


    daddy needs you promise me that you will not hurt yourself again on purpose.”


    “Lilly, I don''t know if I can promise you that I miss her so much sometimes I can''t help myself.”


    “When you miss her,e to me, so we can talk about her and maybe do something that was her


    favorite that you and her did.”


    “My mommy told me that I can trust you that we are going to be best friends forever.”


    Tears start filling my eyes, knowing that his pain is just as bad as mine. I want to fix it and make him


    feel better, but I can''t. It''s not a pain that just disappears, it''s a pain that''s always with you. I need to talk


    to Landon, and it''s not his guards that aren''t defending his territory. It''s Jayden lowering the rouges in to


    attack him, so he can see his mother. I am not sure that Landon will believe me, but I really hope he


    does.