Secret History scripture: first disciple


    Wars were fought over any hint that our lord could be weak, and even to speak in whispers such words would have your tongue removed without a second thought.


    Yet I witnessed that day and saw how fragile our lord was and wept in my impotence to help our lord, yet he was there, and he saved our lord where we did not. It was always my secret shame…


    The second  passage from the seer


    He sniffed the ground, still no food even here… a new scent on the wind mixed with random rot, maybe food? He looked in the distance and saw many burning buildings he knew best to avoid that area things could hurt him.


    Yet still his stomach tightened pushing him closer to death he was thirsty too but managed to drink a day ago coming this way food though? No food in a long time…


    A bit of dizziness overcame him he tried to focus he knew the beast liked weak prey he had to show strength even in his weakened state.


    Left with no other choice he went to the smell of rot food might be among it and if not he could run away.


    The distance passed slowly, trying to reach that location, the ground gradually changed, surprising him he was used to death, but this spot seemed more excessive, so much rot and darkness flowed there.


    He ignored it finding a random bit of flesh among the ruins of buildings and ate it feeling a little better.


    He noticed in the distance a painful light shining he wanted to flee it on instinct alone yet he felt compelled to look and saw a shadow fleeing the light ever so slowly it fled its touch even as the light slowly expanded denying it escape.


    He wasn’t sure what to do he looked around and found a rock he knew what it was like to be weak and more out of a desperate desire to be needed he wanted to help the shadow.


    He wasn’t sure how to help the light hurt to get close even outside the area it touched and purified it made his breath shallow and his mind go fuzzy but he saw a center point where it shone the most and threw up unable to focus and losing what little it just ate.


    He no longer felt the shadow was worth helping, but now that he was closer, he felt it looking at him, and as he looked back upon the shadow, he felt hope it was life and promised more if he just helped…


    Resoved one more he focused with his weak arms and took aim he was used to try kill by throwing rocks so his aim flew true the rock hit the light causing it to roll ever so slightly away.


    It allowed the shadow to relax it still fled the light but no longer was been eaten away from the light.


    He tried throwing dirt to smother the light but it just cleaned it and made it part of its soil so he threw more rocks few missed but he managed to push it a little more the nausea came back but he had nothing more to throw up but the sickness still made him collapse and blackout for an unknown amount time.


    He awoke to pain the light was burning him his arm was charred flesh he pulled back as best he could from the light weakly he looked around and saw the shadow never stopped fleeing the light it was not far away so he dragged himself close to the darkness.


    He wanted to laugh we were both so weak with nothing to show for it and this light it slowly poisoning are home he wanted to weep at the injustice Why cant he just live and have food… he studied the shadow closer he felt kinship… no. He felt more.


    The shadow was life it was hope it was home. That made no sense but he felt he could die and have no peace if the shadow took him the pain from the arm reminded him he was hurt and to his shock, his arm turned to ash and he screamed not from the pain that was always there but from the shock of his arm just gone not there…


    After rolling and screaming till he lost consciousness, he awoke one more near the shadow he felt…better perhaps it was just having to accept this was life or maybe feeling kinship with this thing he had hope, something he never knew he lacked he tried reach out to the darkness to touch it but flinched.


    It felt perverse… to dare try to touch this entity so he forced himself to rise with his one arm the light was still spreading slowly getting closer even now he hated it.


    He stumbled but went to a random chared house and found a little more bit of flesh he wanted it for himself but felt it was wrong to welcome the darkness as kin yet deny even a scrap of food. So he went to offer what he could.


    The shadow showed no interest he knew it was alive he thought maybe it was slime he was worried it might try to eat him instead of his offering but again that feeling if it was it will would he say no?


    He was meager, much like the food he offered, but he kneeled instead, wobbling from only having one arm he was tired, tired of fighting for life. Tired of hunting for food. Tired of trying.


    His last hope was this meager shadow he saw as kin, so he prayed more than anything he believed that this meager shadow was hope, and he prayed it would find a way to set him free, even if it was from a death devouring him at least… it…would…be…free…


    Emerging from the abyss, thoughts were a jumbled mess the light which he assumed was guiding him to freedom burned him once more, searing his existence.


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    He tried to flee the light but it was everywhere he could not focus so he did what he could to crawl to freedom everything felt wrong as if he had no form even as he felt everything he was burning with the light.


    Even as he tried to pull himself away, he felt the light follow, still eating away at his existence for every inch forward he fleed the light took an inch once more keeping him in a stalemate that it was slowly winning as he was moving slower each time.


    So it was a surprise to his senses when he was free, even if just from the searing pain to a dull burn.


    He saw a giant beast standing above him,  a huge orge!? He tried fleeing the beast even as it was throwing rocks, chasing the light from him.


    As he crawled away desperate to flee his flesh still felt off as if everything he was was nothing and….everything.


    It was then he noticed why the beast seemed so big he was small, like a puddle it was enough to break his mind, or so he thought, but he had a calmness instead as he observed the beast instead.


    He watched as the beast randomly tried different ways to fight the light he felt relieved it wasn’t hunting him. Though he wondered why.


    He kept watching the giant/little beast fall defeated by the light that surprised him as he was no longer just trying to survive fleeing the light or the beast. He could see it was not an orge like he thought, but it was a little goblin?!


    Yet it gave it life…for me? That moved him devotion… that meant a lot to him, and this meager beast devoted itself to me… he watched as the light ever so slowly clawed its way forward, one more an endless source of hate trying to kill all it touched, even him….


    The goblin’s arm was searing away before his eyes and it lay unmoving, MOVE, he willed the creature to life he refused to watch it burn to nothing after helping preserve his life.


    He watched as it stirred to life, weak like him but still trying to fight. It fled the light, but one of its arms broke apart to ash. He saw the light was still in the creature, eating away at its existence He knew it as he watched the goblin with the arm slowly fading to ash, so he willed once more NO. HEAL.


    It should been absurd to believe all it took was a willingness of thought to defeat the light that consumed even him, but he felt defiant that thing gave it flesh for him he would not let the light take that which believed in him.


    The goblin screamed from the pain and lost consciousness yet the light still crept forward inches from it once more…


    It awoke soon after it seemed he healed it, if partially enough for it to move he tried to reach for him and flinched as if fearing his touch would be no different than the light and instead left for a place unknown.


    He thought maybe the creature abandoned him, not worth the effort. He did not judge the beast it tried, and he offered it nothing could he blame it for seeking something more?


    He turned his attention to the cursed light. He felt he loved it before, yet the only memories that came were the burning pain of death. Why would he love such a thing? And even if he did, the moment it was displeased, it turned on him with no recourse…


    He vowed to be better if given the same power he would allow a choice a failure deserved to rot in that he agreed but he did not fail the light failed him…. He knew it in his core he was betrayed.


    Breaking his thought, the goblin was back once more and offered him flesh. He was touched broken, pitful, weak… yet with your last breath, you give to me. That should be rewarded I will not betray you like the light betrayed me.


    He watched as the goblin saw he did not take the flesh and just gave up on the long fight for one more moment of life, no longer caring if it lived.


    Laid down to let him devour it, or the light consumes it, either way, it wanted an end.


    He knew he was formless even this puddle was more of a manifestation than a real form but the light crept ever closer and the eating of both their existence never stopped so he crawled to the stump where the goblin arm was and merged with it.


    He felt its lifeforce so frail, a slow ember of life fickle close to fading, he embraced it not to consume but to preserve and willed a truth, his first true blessing, his first follower.


    YOU ARE MINE, MY WILL IS YOURS. LIVE, AND WE WILL RISE TOGETHER, MY FIRST DISCIPLE.


    He never let go of it, soul wrapped deep within his embrace, he merged with the beast, not in consumption but a unity he felt part of it and yet knew he was still whole and could be elsewhere, but for now, he slept as the beast as it was, now him.


    Hunger, confusion, pain, it all faded away with the blessing he felt free for the first time in his whole life he knew no fear, no hunger, no pain it was beautiful, and it wept.


    He could think now, really think. Not like not a slinking rat wanting to be loved or to still your food but as one who knew God will God’s truth.


    He looked over at the vile light, still wishing to burn him it was close, and he felt if he stayed, it would succeed, so he got up and left.


    As he pulled himself up, he noticed he had two arms again, amazing him he also was all black in the flesh he could not remember his color before he had never thought about it.


    Yet now he could think he knew things whispering in his mind telling him things showing him things beyond. It was knowledge. Power. Ecstasy…


    God chose him, and as the first, he knew God’s will and what must be done, so he walked the broken land free from all and sought a powerful beast our lord needed a guardian first before we built he must be watched and safe.