Once again, it was Monday. László was a horrible person as always, especially to me. I don''t understand why he keeps being like this to me. I have never hurt him in a way that he remembers. I have never cursed at him. I never tried to annoy him. What could I have possibly done to offend him so much? Was my mere existence making him disgusted by me?


    Once again, it was Tuesday. László''s friend, Kristopher, was talking pretty loud on the other side of the classroom. He was talking about me. Through the noise of the class, I heard what he thinks of me.


    "He walks up to us every day. He stares at us like an idiot. Then, he says 2 words, dramatic silence, and he leaves. His gay-ass voice pisses me off so much. At the start of the year, I couldn''t even tell if he was a man or a woman."


    I already guessed he didn''t really like me, but it hurt that my theories were correct. I wish I was incorrect on a lot of things. It makes me wonder if I could have done anything to make them like me in any way. Probably not; these people are just cruel and evil. Even I, who''s without consequences, do not insult people. Of course, I do kill, but only because there are no consequences.


    I know my view on murder is warped; it was like this even beforehand. I am not really sure what causes it, but I view other people wronging me to be a justifying cause for their deaths. It''s not something I logically agree with, just something I feel on an emotional level. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, and these are mine. The only reason I think mine is different is that despite being able to rationalize and explain why murder is bad, I feel that it is justified.


    Once again it was Wednesday. We started with an English class, and I cannot state enough how much I have come to hate it in the past 2 months. i used to be a big fan, though i always struggled with grammar, but then all the fun was sucked out of it. The teacher yells out a page number, and two people begin working on it, while the rest of them yell and scream and fool around like clowns in a circus. no consequences.


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    So, I decided to just not do anything either. After all, I am good enough at English to pass the final exam without any studying for it. The issue with this plan was that high schools take the students'' phones while inside the school. Meaning I had to either spend 45 minutes doing fuck all or spend 1 minute working on a single page and then spend 44 minutes doing fuck all. Once again, I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate English class.


    Once again, it was Thursday. I am seriously hurt over the thing from Tuesday. Despite my inability to socialize and be like others, I have an almost instinctual desire to be accepted by others. Maybe it''s because I genuinely thought I made at least a few friends, but I feel pathetic. Even Mátyás seems to be drifting away, despite being the most understanding one.


    Am I truly not like them? Can I truly not trust anyone? László made me feel like shit, but he had the balls to tell it to me face-to-face. cowards that crawl on the dirty streets, ready to abandon the ones they call brothers at a moment''s notice. And they dare call themselves human? But what do I know? After all, I am not human, not really.


    Once again, it was Friday. We went to the dentist. I find it humiliating to be dragged to a dentist as an 18-year-old. High schools and just the education system in general are a joke in this country. The dentist was not very pleased with me. I rarely brush my teeth, after all. I know that''s an odd thing about me, but frankly, I just don''t have the time for it in the mornings, and brushing my teeth in general just makes me want to puke.


    They are organic, sharp stones designed to be in constant contact with unknown objects; how are they this fragile? Once again, the human body laughs in my face when it comes to adaptability and reasoning. You had tens of thousands of years to evolve resistance to bacteria; how are you defeated by a fucking cupcake? But of course, how could I understand? I am just an outsider. After all, I am not human, not really.