Finally, it was the weekend. I enjoyed this time of the week a lot. I was allowed by life to take a moment to relax and catch up with my body. an odd time of inner peace, in most cases. I decided to look up how my old classmates from middle school are doing. Levente, my first victim, seems to have dropped out of high school. He was never really a smart individual, and yet he was always spoiled by his rich parents. I can''t say I envy his family life, but I do wish for wealth. Don''t get me wrong; I am not a capitalist. However, it is an undeniable fact that greed is a natural human desire. one that humanity was able to repress for the greater good of working together, but still a desire. Though of course, I am not human, not really.
I didn''t kill him out of envy, though. It wasn''t anything I planned. It was when I was merely 13 years old. Levente was always an asshole to others, and I never really enjoyed his presence. What made me more angry is how he somehow had an easier time fitting in than me despite his clearly antisocial behaviors. But not even that made me want to kill him. I am not a psychopath. It was when we were both packing up to go home, since the last class was PE and both of us were exempt from it. I sometimes managed to have some casual small talk with him, and this time was the same. The topic of girls came up, and I couldn''t keep my mouth shut, admitting that I was in love with a classmate of ours.
Yes, yes, indeed. I can feel love too, just like anyone else. I have a wide range of emotions, in fact. It''s not like I am a machine or a rock with some words written on it. I am a fully sentient and sapient being, capable of feeling everything you can! However, I didn''t expect him to feel the same way towards the same girl. He felt quite offended by my desire for human touch from someone he already decided to mark down as his.
Once the topic died down and we left, I decided to follow him. We lived pretty close to each other, just a street away, so it wasn''t hard. When he went inside his home, I saw that he didn''t lock the gate. I decided to walk inside, maybe destroy a few things, as I was feeling angry and vengeful. I wanted to bring pain to someone who brought me pain.
It''s an odd part of the mind, a twisted way of justice. We wish to repay what was given to us, but we often wish to give pain back tenfold. I wonder if it''s not actually a sense of justice, but rather the desire to destroy that which threatens our peace of mind. Even stress can kill a man after all. However, as I went inside to find something that I could either destroy or steal, Levente walked into the room. He was always a very aggressive person. I once told him to shut up, which resulted in him punching me in the throat. One of the many reasons I do not enjoy that part of my body being touched.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
What came next was a fight that probably looked really pathetic from a spectator''s point of view. Eventually he put me in a chokehold, and I saw a knife on the table in front. I struggled and reached far to grab it and succeeded. I stabbed it in his forearm before pulling it out, turning around after he let go of me with a yelp, and I slashed at his neck. I didn''t think about it. I was overwhelmed by anger and a strong desire to survive. You can judge me all you want, but even you would have resorted to murder in that situation.
As a scared young teenager, I didn''t know what I was supposed to do. In the end, I found a saw in his home''s garage, cut his corpse into pieces while puking from the sight every now and then, and took his body one small piece at a time to the forest nearby. I dug shallow holes for the pieces that I hid in my backpack on my way to the forest before heading back for the rest.
After that, I spent the afternoon puking, shaking, and crying. I was scared of how karma would bite me for this. I was scared of someone finding the pieces. I am not a psychopath with no regard to human life. I am not a logic-over-facts mastermind who can stay stoic even after taking the life of another human being. Although I am not human, not really.
My mind was filled with a constant stream of thoughts about the situation. ways I could have handled it better, ways I could have avoided the end result. I also had and still have a habit of imagining being a godlike being, capable of reversing time and manipulating reality. a perfect world in my image. However, reality doesn''t entertain ifs.
When I went to school the next day, however, my mind exploded with a new stream of thoughts. Right there, in the middle row seats, Levente was sitting there and playing on his phone. I''ve had a very long time since then to think about the how and why of this peculiar situation of mine.
The righteous solution would be to avoid testing it and not become desensitized to taking the life of a human being. The selfish solution would be to experiment with the limits of the phenomenon and let the concept of taking a life warp into something less, potentially relieving me of the haunting nightmares that come after. You already know what I chose.