JOHN.


    “The Christmas candles are already lit. Come on, John, everyone is waiting.”


    Aela is shining as always. I look up from contemplating the fire in the fireplace.


    “I’m coming, just wait a minute.”


    I’m taking a small rolled-up piece of paper, tied with a rope, out of my pocket and throwing it into the fire. It flares up brightly and begins to disappear. I’m watching without taking my eyes off it. And as the flame lazily turns over what’s left of it for the last time, I’m going to join the others. The house has been busy these last few years, just like it was when I was a kid. Only now it’s not Grandma’s friends who are with us, but Aela’s many relatives and her and Dad’s friends, new and old. Dr. Wilson and his wife are here too. And who would have thought it, but their son Peter and my childhood friend Amber are married and even expecting a child. We still don’t get along very well with this guy, but we don’t fight either. It’s better than it could have been. There’s a roasted sugar pig on the table, Marco is a real magician. He’s getting on in years, so he’ll soon be leaving us and going back to Italy. So Aela got some delicious recipes from him, and she’s pretty good at it.


    “Hey, John, you look good! Come on over! Let’s have a family get-together. You’re going to see your friends for the New Year anyway, and we don’t know when we’ll see each other again. Daughter, stop running and come sit with us! Son-in-law, sit her down, she is a real fidget!”


    “Dad, stop, please,” Aela laughs heartily.


    “What did I say wrong?!” the elderly gentleman is surprised.


    The tree is shimmering and blinking. There are presents lying underneath. And I’ve been putting one of them symbolically for two years now. And then I take it away and it lies in my room again. Of course, the one it’s intended for won’t come. But this is for my own satisfaction. She is my personal prison. I probably shouldn’t have let her go. But if she wanted it, I also couldn’t stop her. She is like a bird that has flown out of a cage, sensing freedom. And she is unlikely to return to look at the world through the bars.


    “John, you’re an idiot! Why can’t you just stop loving her? How did you get to this point?!” I’m mad at myself, but that doesn’t help matters.


    “Let’s have some hot mulled wine!”


    Well, here it goes…


    I know the evening will be long, and then it will smoothly turn into the night. Everyone here celebrates Christmas as before, although in Scotland not everyone celebrates it on the twenty-fifth anymore. The world is changing, and customs too. But this is what makes us all come together. Laughter, smiles, toasts and noisy chatter. It’s hard for me to stay with them for too long. I decide to leave them and go up to my room. How arrogant I was before… There is a framed photo on the nightstand. And in it she is in a pale gold dress with thick straps, holding a soft teddy bear. My father gave her this for her eighteenth birthday. On her face is a shy smile, which is so rare to see. Luckily, Aela captured it without Christina noticing. I look at the photo, then run my fingertip along the glass where her cheek is.


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    “You know, you’re an idiot,” someone says calmly from behind, “that’s why you piss me off.”


    I flinched. Who broke into my hideout? I turned around. Of course it was Peter.


    “What are you doing here?” I ask him tiredly.


    “Let me sit down.”


    He sat down in the next chair without waiting for my answer.


    “Don’t worry,” he continues, ”I’ll be brief. I didn’t want to communicate with you for a long time, I even hated you, because I loved her with all my heart. I still don’t understand what she saw in you. You did so much bad to Chris. I was so angry because she chose you and not me, although I was ready to do everything for her. Yes, our age difference is bigger than yours, but not much. Everything irritated me, starting from your appearance and your condescending attitude to everyone, to your manner of speech. I hated your endless girlfriends because she suffered from it. I was ready to go and beat you up, to shake all the shit out of you. But Christina begged me every time not to do it. She loves you so much that she even moved to another country so as not to hurt herself and you more. I don’t think she knows that you care about her. So now, when you suffer, I’m glad, I’ll say it honestly. And the more you suffer, the better for you. I have a beloved woman, and of course I don’t feel anything for my childhood friend anymore. But I’m very upset that she chose such an idiot. I think she’ll come back soon. I can’t be completely sure. But I suppose she will. Chris is independent, but she’s unlikely to stay in a foreign country for long, unless she finds herself a good guy…”


    “Shut up,” I say through my teeth, “leave while I am not in a condition to fight you.”


    “Don’t get worked up, hero lover, I’m almost done.”


    He gets up.


    “I’m not sure that will happen. But if you don’t appear on the horizon, you’ll remain alone. Although you deserve it.”


    “Get out of here!!!”


    I throw a slipper at the door, but it is already closed.


    “I can’t leave my wife for long, but think about what I said,” comes from there.


    “Damn!” I punched the wall. This lanky guy has made me angry again. I turn back to the photo. Christina is still smiling innocently, looking at me from behind the glass.


    “And you…” I point my finger at the photo, “You will be mine, got it? Don’t even doubt it. I will not give you to anyone.”


    By the way, where is she now? I still remember her number. I dialed her. But her phone is switched off. Seriously? I’m dialing again.


    “Subscriber unavailable…”Where are you, girl? You haven’t called or texted me once during this time! Although I haven’t contacted her since she left either.


    “I love you, John…”


    My throat is dry from these memories. I want to see her next to me again. I want her to repeat these words without a drop of wine, and then I could own her for the rest of my life, and she me…


    “It’s Christmas, John, maybe she found company. She must have been lonely there,” said my brain.


    My heart is pounding wildly. It’s because I’m angry and excited. I can’t control myself when I replay that night and her barely audible moans in my head. I need to relieve the tension, or I’ll break something now.


    CHRISTINA.


    I feel a little awkward. In an Italian family, it’s almost as fun as it used to be at home. Only here, everyone respects each other. As a child, no one respected me much, except for Ann. She took care of me. And then Jack, Aela. And John, whom I could only watch from afar.


    “How is he?” Thinking about him, my heart betrays me.


    “Christina, you’re so sad,” little Gabriella takes me by surprise. I smile shyly, “don’t you like it with us?”


    “Of course I do. That’s not the point…”


    “She likes it, very much,” Vico says, suddenly appearing next to me, and in a quieter voice, “you really like someone, right?”


    I shuddered.


    “Shh,” he puts his finger to my lips, “let’s talk about this later, not in such a situation.”


    “Baby, should I draw you something?” I ask.


    “Hurray, hurray! Christina is going to draw me now!”


    “Do you want me to draw you?” I ask in surprise.


    “Of course I want to!”


    “But it won’t be quick.”


    “I wa-ant! I’ll sit quietly, I promise!”


    “Okay, okay,” I agreed.


    I am given a sheet of paper and a notebook with a smooth cover. So, I begin.