《Let Tomorrow Come》


 Prologue

    My name is Chris and I¡¯m fourteen years old. I live with my grandmother and my brother in a big beautiful house with pillars in Scotland. My family emigrated here during the abolition of the Russian Empire. The estate emanates antiquity and austerity, which is why my ancestors chose this place. My grandmother¡¯s name is Evgenia, but everyone here calls her Eugena. She¡¯s very old-fashioned. I have already come to terms with this fact, but sometimes it still annoys me. She has no special sympathy for me and loves my capricious nineteen-years-old brother John more than me. He is very emotional, probably because grandmother allowed him too much as a child. I can¡¯t say I¡¯m happy with it, but I hope it changes.


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    Our hired workers also live with us, although for me they are almost family. I was more friendly with some, less with others. I don¡¯t remember the first ten years of my life well. But when I told our housekeeper, my friend Anne, that I wanted to write all this, she found some notes from one of our maids, who told about my childhood. And perhaps my story will seem boring to some, but this is my story.


    But we¡¯ll start in order.

 Part 1. Chapter 1.

    ¡°Christina, we¡¯re leaving! Lessons are already over, but you can¡¯t get ready¡±, a very middle-aged lady, with gray hair visible here and there, said slowly.


    A girl of about seven came out to meet her. She was short even for her age, with light-brown hair, wearing a strange long dress, which girls about seven had not worn for a hundred years, if not more.


    ¡°I¡¯m coming, grandma!¡±, she said, hastily putting on her small shoes.


    Leaves were falling outside. They slowly circled in the air, flew past and smoothly fell to the ground.Gathering in heaps, they rustled merrily underfoot. I wanted to jump and bury myself in them and look at the still blue sky, along which the clouds were slowly floating. It was a wonderful day. Something still darkened the girl¡¯s joy, or rather someone: a stately lady walking next to her.


    Christina was not a diligent student. Her lessons always came down to hands smeared with ink, torn dresses, the desire to run away towards adventure and devote her time to the garden, leaves and pieces of sky, and not to boring receptions in the halls with her grandmother¡¯s friends.


    The girl¡¯s parents were constantly in distant lands and came only twice a year: at Christmas and once at the beginning of summer. As usual, when returning to the family nest, they spent more time with grandmother Eugena, whose acquaintances immediately flocked for fresh gossip. Tea was poured into small cups from personalized sets, and the servants barely had time to run for new portions of the drink. In the kitchen there was an unimaginable noise of ladle spoons; in a room full of guests, a cake was smoking, liters of tea were being drunk and there was a hubbub. Then Jane stood up and made a slight bow towards her grandmother. The latter nodded to her daughter-in-law, and long stories began about various incidents during work travel. Jack gave his mother something from these trips. The grandmother ceremoniously thanked her son, and this was followed by endless distribution of orders. Who doesn¡¯t love it when somebody brings him something from abroad that he has only seen in various magazines, or even pictured in his head?


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    After the feasts everyone went to bed. In the morning, Jack and Jane went into their daughter¡¯s room. Christina was already waiting for them, dressed and combed. She didn¡¯t like to upset her parents. However, the grandmother did not want to leave any misdeeds unpunished, and she considered any little things characteristic of children, or rather Chris, to be misdeeds. And she didn¡¯t understand children¡¯s pranks, no matter how sad it was. The parents treated their daughter warmly. However, they were very upset when they all paid a visit to their grandmother at noon, and not a minute earlier or later.


    The old lady was sitting in a chair. When the door opened, she stood up slowly and, as usual, slowly bowed her head. Then she hugged Jack and Jane after him and invited them to sit on the sofa. Then she pointed her granddaughter to the chair opposite herself. The girl silently settled into it, feeling awkward from this whole official atmosphere. Next, tea again, conversations about upcoming plans or holidays.

 Part 1. Chapter 2.

    So now we know a little about our little girl¡¯s family, let¡¯s get back to the fact that she was following the old lady home. The day was gradually approaching evening. [Actually, they could just take a bus or car, but grandma preferred to walk. After all, it is good for health]. The only joy was that you could watch the landscapes, and the seven-year-old girl with bright dreams really liked this.


    And finally, an alley of old straight trees appeared in front of them, which looked quite well-groomed. It was obvious that the ¡°golden¡± hands of the gardener regularly work here. Walking along the alley, Christina noticed that the path was so perfect that there wasn¡¯t even a single leaf on it. The trees parted to reveal a beautiful view, a pond with ducks, water lilies and various ornamental plants around. And behind it was a large house with four columns on the facade and an angular center. Yes, the era of classicism has not yet faded away in this estate. Scotland has always been famous for its various types of buildings with reflections of past beauty and eras. The grandmother and granddaughter went to this house. On the way, they met the same gardener. The grandmother gave him a couple of instructions. And then the head of the family headed towards the house.


    A young woman opened the door. Grandmother came in first. A girl followed her sadly.


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    ¡°Anne! Where are you?¡± the old lady called, giving the woman her thin openwork shawl.


    A middle-aged woman in a brown dress with yellow and red flowers ran down the stairs almost silently.


    ¡°I¡¯m going!¡±


    The dress rustled a little and smelled pleasant, like all of Ann, who was about thirty-five years old, no more.


    ¡°Take Christina. Lunch is in half an hour, she should be ready. Then follow the schedule. However, everything is as always¡±, Mrs Eugena said.


    With these words, she walked ceremoniously up the stairs to her room. Ann nodded and helped the girl take off her jacket. And then she took her to the children¡¯s room.


    ¡°Well, little lady, how are you doing?¡±


    Ann was a very nice woman, she knew how to look after children. Unlike many of the house¡¯s residents and servants, she did not grow up there; she was hired five years ago, as soon as Christina¡¯s parents began traveling together for work. During this time, Christina and Ann not only found a common language, but also became friends in some way. Of course, it was a special friendship, but the girl could only say something to Ann. It was the same now, while the woman was changing the girl into a house dress with lush ruffles on the sleeves, which our heroine did not like so much, they chatted cheerfully about all sorts of nonsense. A smile constantly flashed on the child¡¯s lips, and her soul was light. But only until it was time to go down to lunch.

 Part 1. Chapter 3.

    The dining room was a large, bright room with an elegant pine table with curved legs and soft, comfortable chairs with high backs. On the windows, of which there were three, hung heavy curtains of dark blue velvet with golden fringe at the bottom. A little further from the table stood a pair of armchairs, also upholstered in velvet, but in emerald green. The interior of this rich room was completed by a massive chandelier in the Gothic style, made to resemble the Middle Ages. On the tops there were electric lamps in the form of candles, but unless you looked closely, they could not be distinguished from real candles. The work of a skilled craftsman.


    So Anne led Christina into the dining room. On the way, the girl tripped over her long dress and almost fell head over heels down the stairs, but the caring housekeeper and part-time nanny managed to grab her by the hand and nothing happened. Rustling her hated dress, the little girl entered the hall. Grandmother was already looking at her with a stern look:


    ¡°You barely made it, my child. However...¡± she said in a tone that brooked no argument, ¡°...this is better than yesterday. After all, you were a minute late. Now have a seat.¡±


    Christina was embarrassed and hurried to quickly take her place. But grandmother still did not start the meal. She called the governess, Mrs. Alice, over to her. The respectable lady hired Alice not only for her good knowledge, but also because at the age of thirty she was already a widow, having been married for only four years. And then Mr. Olson died in a car accident, right on the spot. Most likely, his death was not accidental, because the circumstances were very strange. However, Mrs. Alice Olson did not know where to find solace, and at that moment they accidentally crossed paths with Eugena Winnes, known throughout the town of N. not only for her condition, but also for her manners. The old woman offered her a good salary, permanent residence so that the widow would not feel so lonely, and most importantly, the opportunity to relax in a beautiful garden and paint landscapes, which the mistress of the house sometimes bought from her. Eugena whispered something to Alice, who answered. And the grandmother finally gave a sign indicating the beginning of the meal. Immediately the cook brought out delicious dishes. Christina¡¯s eyes widened. She didn¡¯t pay much attention to her grandmother¡¯s comments and instructions.


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    ¡°Nanny Sophie, I¡¯m home!¡±


    A perky boyish voice rang out, just beginning to break and change its structure. An old woman of about sixty stood up from the table. Gray-haired, with slightly pursed lips, a short, plump lady. She spent her whole life on this estate and knew the rules very well. Even grandmother Eugena respected her. That¡¯s why Sofia kept an eye on this boy.


    ¡°Madam? We¡¯ll be back soon.¡±


    Then she came out, her long skirt rustling.

 Part 1. Chapter 4.

    So what was the owner of a perky voice like, who, by the way, was not reprimanded for his vivid display of emotions?


    ¡°Honey, let me take your coat. You don¡¯t have to undress yourself. This is not the case for a descendant of a noble family.¡±


    The boy laughed:


    ¡°Nanny Sophie, I know perfectly well what is and is not possible. However, grandma is always happy to see me, and you know it. I am a descendant of a noble family, (unlike some others), as you said. Everyone loves me.¡±


    He pursed his thin lips into a charming smile.


    ¡°Little sir, it¡¯s time to change clothes and go to the table.¡±


    The old woman and the boy went upstairs. Grandmother Eugenia always tried to make an angel out of her golden boy, and she herself took care of his appearance. John was twelve years old. But he looked somewhat younger, because his grandmother believed that all angels had curls and every couple of weeks she invited a hairdresser to the boy so that his dark brown hair would not lose its fullness and shape. Also, his wardrobe was in the latest fashion, thanks to the efforts of his grandmother. The boy was taught by the best teachers, not only governess Alice.


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    ***


    ¡°My beautiful grandmother, hello!¡± the boy exclaimed and flew into the dining room. Nanny Sophie pulled out a chair next to Eugena and pushed it towards the boy.


    The grandmother immediately began to smile and show her grandson all kinds of attention. Her severity turned into cordiality. The child was given special dishes from the chef. And this curly-haired angel sat and smiled, receiving all the attention from everyone sitting at the table, except our heroine.


    Christina became quiet and watched with her big sad eyes what was happening. It seemed that an atmosphere of absolute happiness reigned in the house. But she seemed to be aloof from all this, no one paid attention to her. Finally her brother noticed her:


    ¡°Well, are you sitting? Silent girl, I¡¯m much better than you, and I always behave as I should, right grandma?¡±


    The grandmother stroked her grandson¡¯s head:


    ¡°Of course, my angel! Take the lollipop and run to play.¡±


    The boy grabbed a large lollipop in the shape of a horse and, kissing his grandmother on the cheek, ran from the dining room up the stairs, straight into the room with toys. The nanny hurried out after him. Grandma thanked everyone for the meal and looked sternly at Christina.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to go rest, because you¡¯re probably tired, and then do your homework with Mrs. Alice. I¡¯m waiting for dinner, and don¡¯t be late. Anne, please look after her.¡±


    The girl curtsied. After that, the grandmother left. The house immediately became quiet. Only the ringing voice of John could be heard occasionally, playing upstairs with his favorite soldiers.

 Part 1. Chapter 5.

    Ann and Christina went upstairs.


    ¡°Well, little lady, shall we begin?¡±


    Ann began to take books out of the girl¡¯s backpack and lay them out on a small table, not too low and not too high, just right for the child¡¯s comfortable position while studying.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to study, better tell me a tale!¡± Christina asked.


    ¡°Well, please¡­¡± she added.


    ¡°Well, okay, but only one little fairy tale, and then lessons, okay?¡±


    Ann smiled at the girl and began to tell the story. Christina was smiling, and her face expressed happiness and peace.


    ¡°A delicious Gingerbread lived in one sweet kingdom. So delicious that it would melt in your mouth as soon as you put it in there. But unfortunately, gingerbread was sad and therefore tasted a little bitter. Therefore, Queen Night Pleasure did not allow him to serve people for the benefit until he was happier. A Gingerbread shed bitter tears and wandered around this and that region in search of his older sister. She disappeared about a year ago, and he wandered, increasingly filled with bitterness. Desperate and having lost all hope of finding her, he decided to go to the Mediterranean Sea and see the sun and beaches for the last time, and then made a promise to himself not to cry anymore and to finally go to the world of people, so that his period of relevance would not expire.


    Gingerbread went to the sea. He met a lot of caramel girls, saw a lot of palm trees, many different stalls where his fellow sweets sometimes met, and he asked everyone about his younger sister. But no one had heard anything about her. Gingerbread completely wilted and sat down to rest, and did not notice how he fell asleep. He dreamed that he was sailing on the sea, and there was no end or edge. He alone miraculously survived in the expanses of water, where massive ships sail only occasionally. He woke up from the feeling that someone was lightly touching him, and saw a slender candy on a stick. Our Gingerbread talked to her and found out that she was brought here by accident, but she lives well here. And he stopped worrying.


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    Gingerbread was delighted, returned to the sweet kingdom, they put it in order, refreshed it, and then it found its owner, a little girl, right?¡±


    With these words, Ann took out a small gingerbread and, smiling, handed it to Christina.


    ¡°It¡¯s our little secret,¡± she said.


    Footsteps were heard. Christina and Ann winked at each other, moved the table closer, and pretended that they were very keen on Christina¡¯s lessons. The door swung open sharply, the ¡°miracle¡± burst in and, like a whirlwind, tried to turn everything around with loud laughter.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell grandma that you played, and then you¡¯ll both feel bad, especially you!¡±, John pointed his finger at Christina¡¯s chest.


    Ann, without ceremony, pushed the boy out and placed him right outside the door of the room. John squealed. But Ann sternly told him:


    ¡°Grandma won¡¯t believe you after everything you¡¯ve done, even if she loves you very much.¡±


    The boy bit his finger and thought. We didn¡¯t have to wait long for Grandma Eugena.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on here?!¡°, her authoritative voice thundered from below, reaching the far corners of the house from the open space. She began to walk up the stairs, holding her long, elegant skirt.


    ¡°Grandma, let¡¯s play chess!¡±


    John didn¡¯t like chess, but it might distract the attentive grandmother, and she wouldn¡¯t go any higher to figure out what was going on. He wasn¡¯t wrong. He wasn¡¯t wrong. The elderly woman immediately accepted the offer, and they went to the practice hall. The grandmother never ceased to be touched by her beloved grandson. And this time Christina was just lucky, and she and Anna put things in order. The evening passed quietly.

 Part 1. Chapter 6.

    Sunday morning always starts the same. The hired workers wake up in the house. Chef Marco prepares two large picnic baskets. Ann prepares books for reading, which the mistress approved the day before. Governess Alice helps Nanny Sophie get ready early in the morning, because the day is going to be active. The gardener Claude and the cleaning lady Marie are two more of the servants. They are married. And while Marie is washing the house until it shines, Claude is cutting fresh flowers in the greenhouse, because the elderly lady believes that the smell of flowers is very useful. Their smell makes the air cleaner and germs disappear, although this is just her superstition. But no one will contradict her, because that is not the way it is done in the house. Also, not so long ago Lady Eugena (yes, she likes to be called like that sometimes) decided to get herself a Yorkshire terrier. And since Alice supported her in this, she has to brush the dog before a walk, although the furry creature spends most of the time with the mistress of the house herself.


    Christina also wakes up early. Caring Ann had already woken her up and brought her oatmeal and two toasts with aromatic blackcurrant tea for breakfast. The girl stretches in bed, reluctantly gets up and goes to wash her face and brush her teeth. She returns and puts on a clean flared dress, pale yellow on top and blue with pale yellow flowers on the bottom. She quickly eats the oatmeal, which, by the way, she doesn¡¯t really like. And then she looks out the window and chews toast, washing it down with tea. There are small clouds outside, but it doesn¡¯t look like it will rain. Christina is happy about this. When the days are rainy, she have to walk through the park under an umbrella, then come in a gazebo, which is a twenty-minute walk away, in a distant park behind a stream, and sit there for about an hour, looking at the streams of rain flowing from the sloping roof gazebos. And then the way back, and although she could sit at home and just look out the window, her grandma believes that the schedule comes first. Also, she had to read books to show her reading skills. The books were often incomprehensible to her because they were not age appropriate, but her grandmother was a tough woman, and Christina really didn¡¯t want to anger her. Christina didn¡¯t understand why the grandmother loved her grandson so much, but felt a restrained dislike for her.


    Ann came in, removed the tray and brought the girl a coat. She combed Christina¡¯s hair into a ponytail, and now the girl looked very decent.


    ¡°Put this on, it will suit today¡¯s weather best¡±, Ann said and gave the girl a loud kiss on the forehead.


    Christina cheered up a little. She put on her coat and went out onto the stairs, the servants were already ready, they all greeted the girl quite warmly. Mrs. Eugena treated the servants at the proper level, we must say, respected them, but on the condition that they followed the rules. And the Sunday promenade was one of them. Christina put on black patent leather shoes, which had already been polished by caring Marie. It was about ten o¡¯clock in the morning when grandmother came down, followed by John, whose curls were falling in his face and disturbing him. The grandmother hugged her grandson, wished everyone good morning, and then the house was empty.


    If a central alley led to the house in front, then at the back there was a large lawn with a fountain in the middle and trimmed trees around the perimeter. Near the fountain there were two stone benches for those who wanted to sit. Under the trees on one side there was a smaller alley, which gradually narrowed, turning into a wide path. A little further away there was a stream, across which there was a somewhat narrow bridge with elegant metal railings. Next was the city park, a little overgrown, but still maintained in decent shape. Since it was a good day, we planned to walk around the lawn several times and then sit on blankets right on the green, trimmed grass. The dog Astra ran back and forth, squealing happily. While the grandmother and grandson were walking, and the other inhabitants of the house were laying out everything for a comfortable time in nature, Christina walked behind and kicked a small pebble that came her way. The shoes were getting dusty. John was telling some funny story, and grandma was in a good mood. Suddenly, the girl stumbled and fell noisily to the ground. The old lady turned around, the boy immediately ran up to Christina and pointed his finger at her:


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    ¡°Grandma, look, the clumsy girl fell again!¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to say that, honey,¡± said Eugene¡¯s grandmother.


    ¡°And you! You ruined the dress again. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t buy them at all until you learn to wear them with dignity?! Now please go to the clearing with the others and wait for John and me there. You will read aloud and show whether there is progress or whether you haven¡¯t learned anything in your classes.¡±


    The elderly woman turned around quite sharply for her age and, taking her grandson by the arm, walked on. Dejected Christina shook out her dress and trudged toward the blanket-covered clearing. Governess Alice looked at her disapprovingly, but said nothing. And Ann quietly squeezed her hand for a second and winked. The rest pretended not to notice anything.


    Soon the walking owners also arrived. Everyone sat comfortably on spread blankets, with mats placed under them. And they began to slowly eat. Tiny canap¨¦s, ham rolls stuffed with cheese, beef Wellington and vegetable snacks went into mouths. And all this was very tasty, and she wanted to eat more, but my grandmother paused the process and told Christina to read. The girl was very nervous, as always. She was a little afraid of her strict grandmother. She read well for her seven years, but she still stammered with excitement and the elderly woman was very unhappy at such moments. Christina wanted to sink into the ground, but she continued reading without taking her eyes off the book. John occasionally teased her, but his grandmother gently reined him in and then let him go completely. He ran across the lawn with Claude, and Claude caught up with him, and then circled him.


    Half an hour later, the grandmother gave everyone a sign indicating the end of the picnic. But before the inhabitants of the house could return to the premises, Lady Winnes made a speech:


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you spent another Sunday in the fresh air with me. We must not forget about the benefits of fresh air. Also, I have gathered you here to tell you some important news. We don¡¯t usually welcome guests to our estate that often, but two days ago my old friend Agnia called me from Belfast. She had been planning to visit me for a long time, but said that she was a little sick and would please us with her presence a little later, but her daughter Mabel would still come next weekend along with her granddaughter Amber. The girl is already ten, but she has never been here. Their visit will be somewhat drawn out. We rarely accept guests for such a long period of time. So I want the house to be in the best possible condition. Marie, tidy up the two rooms on the first floor in the right wing. Claude, special attention needs to be paid to pink roses. Mrs. Mabel loves them. Marco, give me the menu on Thursday. And you, Anne, find someone who will repaint the railings on the stairs from olive green to dark brown and varnish them. It will be more noble that way. Mrs. Olson, please focus on working on Christina¡¯s manners so that she behaves with dignity, yes?!¡±


    Lady Winnes looked at the girl with a meticulous look.


    ¡°As for you, my angel, just be yourself, because you are my best. And if you live up to expectations, grandma will give you a gift.¡±


    With these words, she pinched her grandson on the cheek, and let everyone go about their business, and she went home, calling Astra. John secretly stuck out his tongue and, pulling his sister¡¯s hair, skipped after his grandmother, who was already approaching the house. Christina hissed something after him, but he had already run away. She waited for Ann and went with her to the kitchen to help Marco carry everything back. The rest went about their business.


    Sunday evening ended routinely. First, a dinner with what Christina thought was too much pathos. And then she played with the doll. At nine in the evening Ann came and put the girl to bed, telling her another bedtime story, of which there were many in her head. And the first-grader fell asleep.

 Part 1. Chapter 7.

    It¡¯s Wednesday. The stairs had already been repainted, and the house smelled of an unusual aroma of varnish. Christina inhaled the smell and thought that another girl would arrive soon, they would definitely become friends, and she would no longer be alone in these inhospitable walls. Yesterday, the grandmother explained that the girl would no longer go to school because when interacting with other children, she becomes undisciplined and disobedient.


    ¡°Mrs. Olson, now the girl is completely under your responsibility. In the coming days, take care of the children¡¯s manners, especially hers. On other days, all the classes will be on you, I believe you can handle it, I think she no longer needs school. And of course, I will increase your salary.¡±


    ¡°Of course, Mrs. Winnes, don¡¯t even think about it. I have everything under control. The girl will not disappoint you after my lessons¡±, Alice took out one of them from the baggage of prepared smiles.


    And now Christina had to study under the supervision of Mrs. Olson all the time. The girl was not happy about this, because at school she had at least some kind of communication, but in this not very welcoming house, it was completely reduced to nothing.


    ¡°Probably the self-confident governess knows something, because she teaches my brother how to draw, but my manners are already in perfect order,¡± the girl thought.


    At nine o¡¯clock in the morning Alice herself arrived, dressed in a long black dress of a narrow cut. She smelled of harsh perfume. Christina wrinkled a little, but tried not to show it. The girl herself was in a dark green dress just below the knee with small fern leaves, not too wide, but not too narrow. It was Jane who, before leaving, ordered a dozen new and very beautiful dresses for her. And although grandmother shook her head disapprovingly, dad also supported mom. So now Christina loved wearing them more than others, because they saved a piece of parental warmth. Her hair was braided into two tight braids with green ribbons that matched her dress. This is what Ann did for her favourite girl early in the morning.


    Alice made the girl perfect her curtsey to begin with. It remained a mystery to Christina why she should do this, because no one did this at school. But she had to pass the time before lunch, so she over and over again did what the harmful governess told her. And if before the girl did not communicate with her, except for meals, now she began to dislike this dry woman, stingy with kind words. At one o¡¯clock Alice finished the lesson and said:


    ¡°I believe, miss, your grandmother will organize a party at which there will be classical dancing, which she loves so much. Now I¡¯ll go and help Mr. John learn them. If you want, you can sit in a corner in the hall and watch, you still have nothing to do, you are too small for this. Just be quiet. Mr. John is focused on his studies, unlike you.¡±


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    ¡°Why is she slandering me, I tried to do all these useless things,¡± the girl thought.


    She settled in a corner of the hall out of curiosity. Not everything went so smoothly for the prankster brother, but Alice was very patient, and seemed to be currying favor with him. Christina didn¡¯t like this, but she remained silent and only quietly slipped out of the hall. She decided to find Anne or go to Marco, who had steam beautifully billowing from the pots in the kitchen.


    ***


    At four o¡¯clock on Friday afternoon, an elegant retro car slowly drove into the yard and stopped. As Christina later finds out, it was an Aston Martin. A woman came out wearing a cream long dress and a slightly old-fashioned white hat with long strings and a not very wide brim. She opened another car door and a girl jumped out. She looked a little older than Christina. She was wearing a soft blue fluffy dress that barely reached the knee and dark blue sandals. Unruly blonde curls were neatly styled and braided into a ponytail. Mabel whispered something to her daughter, and the girl immediately assumed a dignified air, and her face became serious and cold.


    ¡°Hello Mabel, I haven¡¯t seen you for so long, I¡¯m very glad you¡¯ve blossomed like a rose. By the way, it¡¯s already waiting for you in your chambers. They are your favorites, do I remember correctly?¡± the grandmother said languidly and hugged the woman.


    Mabel looked a little shy from it.


    ¡°Mrs. Eugena, thank you so much for having us. We are so tired of the bustle, but here it is always quiet and calm. We can immerse ourselves in thought, take a walk, or sit with a book in our hands. And we really haven¡¯t seen each other for a long time, you¡¯re right. Mom will definitely visit you in December. This is my daughter, Amber. Meet grandmother Eugena, an old friend of our grandmother, and here we will spend a month and a half.¡±


    Amber barely tilted her head. The old lady also hugged her.


    ¡°This is my grandson John! He¡¯s a very sweet boy, you¡¯ll have fun. You¡¯ll show little ms. the house, won¡¯t you, my angel?¡±


    ¡°Of course, grandma.¡±


    He winked discreetly at Amber, and she grinned back.


    ¡°And this is Christina, the daughter of Jack and Jane¡±, she added, not as willingly.


    Mabel looked at the girl friendly and squatted down to be at her height.


    ¡°How old are you, Christina?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Seven.¡±


    ¡°Cute baby...¡± she said, looking at Christina¡¯s grandmother, who frowned, but Mabel didn¡¯t notice and added, ¡°...And my girl is ten and a half. In any case, I think you will find a common language.¡±


    The dinner was great, Marco cooked great. They didn¡¯t pay much attention to Chris, only Mabel occasionally glanced at her with some sympathy. But John tried to stick his tongue out at her once. Amber noticed this and smiled. She seemed to like John much more than Christina. The dance was scheduled for tomorrow, and the grandmother said that she had already invited local friends along with their families. After dinner, Amber immediately ran away with John, laughing happily. And Chris¡­ She wanted to follow them, but the grandmother showed a gesture, and the girl trudged to her room, citing business. There she finally gave vent to tears. Amber seemed different to her, but she didn¡¯t really show any interest in Chris. Ann put her to bed as always, and she reassured the girl, saying that everything would work out soon, it just needed time.

 Part 1. Chapter 8.

    On Sunday everyone gathered for tea in the large living room. In one part, the housewife¡¯s friends were interested in Mabel, because it¡¯s not every day that they see guests from afar. The woman willingly shared information about her life, family life and the latest news from Northern Ireland. The living room was a beehive; there was noise from conversations in this corner and that corner. In another part, a children¡¯s table was set. In addition to Christina, John and Amber, grandmother¡¯s friends brought three more, two eight-year-old girls, like two peas in a pod, and one shy teenager of about fourteen. Christina was not so bored today, because she communicated well with the twins. They came once a month with Grandma Greta to Grandma Eugena. They had been friends since they were young, and always found something to chat about, sometimes they knitted something together over a cup of tea, and behind their chairs the fireplace crackled comfortably. Christina loved to sit and watch the fire, or play with dolls with the twins, because then her grandmother would let her play with the girls. And Grandma Greta was not so strict towards Christina. And the shy teenager¡¯s name was Peter. He studied at the same school with Christina, was very smart and inquisitive, and preferred to read books alone. His parents were friends of Christina¡¯s and John¡¯s parents, and sometimes visited the elderly woman. Their son sometimes came by himself, because he loved such things, as the silence, the old-fashioned atmosphere of the estate and the crackling of the wood in the fireplace. Lady Winnes always told John that he would become as smart as Peter if he studied hard, to which he assured his grandmother that it would be so. And then laughed for a long time because of her naive faith in him.


    So today, after having a snack, the children went upstairs to have fun with toys. Nanny Sophie went to look after them. Peter took another book, sat down in the corner of the room on a soft mattress and seemed to isolate himself from the rest of the world. Only John and Amber remained downstairs. They kept whispering about something and did not go with the others to the leisure room, but headed to John. Christina didn¡¯t like it, but she quickly forgot about it because her friends were with her and she didn¡¯t feel lonely. And when they were playing with a small ball and laughing loudly, Nanny Sophie tried to reason with them, but the little girls quieted down for a while, and then it all started all over again.


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    After seven o¡¯clock in the evening the guests slowly began to leave. Christina said goodbye to the twins, for whom Grandma Greta had already come, smiling warmly at Christina goodbye. Peter decided to read a little more. Nanny Sophie took Chris to her room.


    ***


    Ten days later, absolutely identical, with tedious classes from Alice, who was already quite annoying and constantly nagging, although Christina grasped everything on the fly, the girl went out to get some fresh air to the fountain, then decided to walk along the lawn. She was left to her own devices: John and Amber tried to do petty mischief together while grandma wasn¡¯t looking. Chris even noticed the day before how they stole into Amber¡¯s room her grandmother¡¯s favorite shawl, which her parents gave grandma two years ago when they arrived from India.


    "I wonder where they got her from... I should say, but what if she scolds me again,¡± the girl thought and decided to remain silent.


    Today Christina wore a beige turtleneck and a blue felt skirt.


    ¡°How beautiful and airy she is.¡±


    With these thoughts, the girl decided to spin around a little as she approached the house. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, her skirt caught fire. Christina didn¡¯t even have time to understand what was happening, and the fire was already eating up all the beauty. She screamed and started rolling on the grass. After about fifteen seconds she managed to knock the fire off herself, but she was so scared that she passed out. Ann ran out first and found the girl lying unconscious and rushed to her lamenting. Gardener Claude came running from his greenhouse. A little later, an old lady came out. She began to say in a raised voice that screaming was unacceptable in this house, then she saw Christina in Claude¡¯s arms. Amber peeked out from behind her skirt. John ran out and started saying something harmful. But the grandmother motioned him to shut up.


    ¡°Ann, call Peter¡¯s father, maybe he can help, he¡¯s a doctor. Claude, take her to the hospital, just wrap her in something. I can¡¯t look at this shame.¡±

 Part 1. Chapter 9.

    Christina opened her eyes with difficulty. Sunlight entered the room through the blinds.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have such curtains in my room...¡± the girl thought, ¡°...where am I?¡±


    But she had no strength to think, and she fell asleep again. The next time she woke up, it was already evening. I was terribly thirsty. My legs ached somehow unusually.


    ¡°How long will her treatment take, doctor?¡±


    ¡°Listen, Ann, the burns are not that serious. But the girl will have to stay here for about a week and a half until she recovers completely. But will you visit her? I understand Mrs. Winnes is a complex woman, but still¡­¡±


    ¡°Of course, Mr. Wilson. I¡¯ll try to come here as often as I can.¡±


    ¡°Do her parents already know about what happened?¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course, I was able to reach them yesterday. Mr. Jack will arrive in a few days, and then Mrs. Jane. They are on another expedition, you know.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand how the girl could catch fire...¡±


    ¡°I really don¡¯t know, Mr. Wilson, but Claude, our gardener, found a lighter at the place where everything happened. Of course not right away. He noticed it by chance while returning in the evening. But I know that Christina has never played with fire, it¡¯s all strange.¡±


    ¡°I agree with you.¡±


    ¡°But why does she sleep for so long, doctor?¡± Ann asked.


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    ¡°This is expected. Such stress for a child. In our practice this is a little more than the norm, but it happens. Don¡¯t you worry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m thirsty,¡± Christina said with dry lips, although it didn¡¯t come out very loudly. But the doctor heard.


    ¡°Well, you see, you were worried without a reason. She¡¯s a fighter, she¡¯ll be fine, right, baby?..¡± the doctor turned to her with a smile, ¡°... We¡¯ll heal you a little, that¡¯s all. Ann, bring the girl some water.¡±


    ¡°It hurts...¡± Christina whispered.


    ¡°It will pass, you got burned, but we will help you. Can you tell me why this happened and why they found a lighter next to you?¡±


    Ann brought water. Christina drank it greedily, and then recounted yesterday.


    ¡°But I didn¡¯t have a lighter,¡± she added honestly.


    ¡°We believe you, baby. Ann, try to find out what happened. We always knew Chris as a quiet, obedient girl. Now you can talk a little, I¡¯ll leave you. My working day is over.¡±


    Dinner arrived and Ann spoon-fed Christina. She decided to try to find out something else and get to the bottom of this whole story.


    ¡°I won¡¯t be able to stay here long, honey. Aren¡¯t you afraid to stay alone?¡± Ann began.


    ¡°It¡¯s a little scary,¡± the girl whispered, looking around.


    ¡°There¡¯s a light on the side, and you can leave it on at night. The doctor said that you will have to stay here for a while, but I will definitely come to you. Can you sit down?¡±


    Christina slowly tried to sit up, her legs ached, she winced. Ann looked sympathetically.


    ¡°Listen to how it happened. Maybe you have some ideas?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. Just yesterday I saw that my brother was holding ours grandmother¡¯s favorite shawl from India. He and Amber quickly ran into the room, but the rest of the time he behaved as if nothing had happened. Although no, it wasn¡¯t yesterday, I don¡¯t know how much time has passed. Basically, the day before it happened.¡±


    Anne arched an eyebrow.


    ¡°Hmm, very interesting. Thanks for sharing, honey. I¡¯ll try to find out more. It¡¯s a shame that you don¡¯t get the attention you deserve. Everyone would dream of having such an obedient child. What should I bring you next time?¡±


    ¡°I want a coloring book with animals,¡± said the girl.


    ¡°Okay, my angel, get well soon.¡±


    With these words, Ann kissed the girl on the forehead and began to get ready.


    ¡°Remember about the night light,¡± she said goodbye.


    The door closed and Christina was left alone. She tried to think about what had happened, but she still felt weak and soon fell asleep again.

 Part 1. Chapter 10.

    A few days later, everyone in the house calmed down. Grandma didn¡¯t seem to notice Christina¡¯s absence. It looked strange, but everyone was silent. She spent a lot of time with Mabel, Amber¡¯s mother. John and Amber played or ran in the yard all day long, except when Alice was teaching the boy. And Mabel teached Amber herself. Sometimes it was very noisy on the lawn and the grandmother shook her finger at them from the window, but she was not angry with her grandson. Ann brought coloring books for Christina yesterday; the girl was very bored from lack of attention. Dr. Wilson shared with Ann that Peter wanted to keep the girl company in order to relieve the loneliness that is so harmful for a child her age. Ann was grateful to him for this. However, she did not give up the idea of clarifying everything and talked to Marie. She withheld the details, but warned that John and Amber¡¯s rooms needed to be searched when she cleaned up and Mrs. Winnes¡¯s shawl should be found. As she expected, Marie found a mutilated shawl in Amber¡¯s room.


    ¡°He¡¯s a cunning boy, he hid it with her so that he wouldn¡¯t be suspected,¡± Ann stated the fact.


    ¡°Young Mister would do well to be more restrained, he¡¯s very rowdy...¡± Marie remarked, ¡°...and what are you going to do about it?¡±


    ¡°By the way, yesterday Mrs. Winnes couldn¡¯t find this shawl. We said we didn¡¯t see it. But since it was found, I will take it. Thanks for the help.¡±


    In the evening, the mistress of the house was clearly not in the mood. Anne told her everything she knew. Once again, Eugena Winnes did not attach much importance to Christina¡¯s story, but she did not come out for dinner, citing poor health. However, she called John to her, and after ten minutes in his grandmother¡¯s chambers, he came out depressed. Anne internally rejoiced. The truth has finally triumphed.


    ***


    The next day after lunch, Christina lay aimlessly and looked out the window, still covered with blinds. Heavy November clouds floated across the sky. I didn¡¯t want to color the animals anymore. The girl felt completely sad. But at some point, the door was opened and Peter slipped into the room with two books. One was smaller, and the second was larger. He handed the larger one to the girl with the words:


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    ¡°Welcome to my world. Take it, don¡¯t be afraid! It has pictures. If you like it, I¡¯ll bring you more. If you want, we can chat. If I was left alone, I would be sad. That¡¯s why I came when I had free time and will come again. Do you want?¡±


    Christina nodded, took the book and put it on the shelf.


    ¡°Thank you, I¡¯ll read later. Why do you always read so much, Peter? There are no pictures there.¡±


    ¡°Pictures help the imagination, but the basis is still the content. Then you will understand me. Besides, with books you are not so alone. You will learn something new. You can also imagine the characters and complete their story in your head.¡±


    ¡°Sounds good,¡± Chris agreed.


    In general, she was an inquisitive girl, and therefore she asked Peter about everything, and he answered what he could. Three hours passed like this.


    ¡°I¡¯ll come see you once every couple of days if you want,¡± Peter said.


    Christina smiled and nodded affirmatively.


    The next day, she finally risked opening the book. At first she looked at the pictures and didn¡¯t read, but then decided that she would try. Ann came infrequently, and the girl missed her terribly. But the book captivated the girl into its story, and ended faster than Christina would have liked.


    Peter came exactly as scheduled and brought new picture books. Christina was very happy. During the period of treatment, they became close, and now he was not just the son of Eugena¡¯s grandmother acquaintances, but her friend.


    Two weeks later, Christina was finally discharged, the burns were almost gone, but when she went outside, she felt dizzy. The dim light of the ward did its job and it was unusual to see daylight.


    ¡°Do you want to take a walk?..¡± Ann asked, ¡°...As soon as you get tired, we¡¯ll call a taxi.¡±


    ¡°Of course I want to...¡± Chris beamed. ¡°...Is there a park nearby? I want to run there while grandma doesn¡¯t see.¡±


    ¡°Little lady, you shouldn¡¯t run.You haven¡¯t fully recovered yet,¡± Ann worried.


    ¡°Then just let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°When we get home, Marco will give you something tasty. You probably missed his food,¡± Ann reassured.


    Chris smiled, took the housekeeper¡¯s hand. And they walked, inhaling the smell of gloomy, rainy November.

 Part 2. Chapter 11.

    I raise my face. I pull it out of the sand. The desert is all around me. In theory, I should have suffocated in this position. But nothing happens, I just get up. Sand pours off me, but I don¡¯t feel it. I¡¯m walking through this desert under the scorching sun, but I¡¯m not hot. I see an oasis, I come closer, and lo and behold, it doesn¡¯t move away from me. This is truly an island paradise. I see in the middle of a small green island either a pond or a stream, it does not go beyond the borders of rampant plants. I could stay here as long as I wanted, in peace and serenity, in the shade of the trees while the sun beat down. I want to wash my face, I lean towards the water and look at my reflection. And suddenly I feel that water is starting to pour into my nose straight from this stream. I wake up terrified.


    ¡°Wake up!¡±


    ¡°Are you crazy?!¡±


    Water ran down my face and onto my pillow. This is my mischievous brother John, who has never learned to behave normally, although three years have passed since the very incident when he set me on fire. I get out of bed faster, no one likes sleeping on a wet pillow, and run to wash myself. During this time, a lot happened. But I want to tell you about all this in order. Now I have been keeping a diary for several years. But there are almost no dates. Just events that became important to me, that¡¯s enough. I recently turned ten years old. And I¡¯m still the girl I was three years ago. But thanks to Peter, I no longer feel lonely, he is my best friend. Grandma Eugena has a library. I used to not pay attention to books, but now we often spend time there. Sometimes we just sit in silence, each immersed in our own story. By the way, my burn scars have healed and are almost invisible, thanks to Dr. Wilson, he tried so hard. Otherwise my life has changed little.


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    In addition to Peter and his father, I communicate with Ann. She may be an adult, but that doesn¡¯t make her any less close to me. I, of course, love mom and dad, but they hardly began to come more often, they are always busy¡­ Of course, they try to pay more attention to me, especially after what happened. We communicate by letters. It¡¯s a little old-fashioned and not very fast. But I am always glad to hear any news from them.


    Grandma is still stingy with a kind word, and even after the accident with me (she said so), she loves my tomboy brother. There were also small changes in his life, but this contributed to the deterioration of his character. Well, perhaps this is a transitional age, which is now often talked about in the house. I admit, John annoys me, but sometimes I think he is still capable of reform. Although no, he¡¯s not capable, since he was smart enough to pour water on me.


    But let¡¯s return to the events of three years ago.

 Part 2. Chapter 12.

    My parents arrived a couple of weeks earlier than planned. They still managed to finish their work early and arrive from India. I always wondered why India? There are so many countries in the world closer to Great Britain, and they traveled either to Africa or to the East. Actually the answer was simple. They were both involved in excavations of ancient cultures. But in my heart I was offended that they spent so little time with us, although I tried with all my might to understand them. John, on the contrary, liked that they were not there. They sensibly judged his actions, and our grandmother forgave and idolized everything. And now that they arrived, I was especially happy. I really wanted them to feel sorry for me after the stress and pain I experienced.


    Mom immediately ran to me, and dad stayed with my grandmother to pay tribute. How upset she was when she saw my legs with ugly scars that had not yet fully healed¡­ She hugged me, shed a few tears and said that everything would be fine. I think she was just trying to keep herself in good shape so as not to escalate the atmosphere. Then dad came. They both asked me about what happened. I didn¡¯t tell them the whole truth. After all, I quickly guessed who did it. But I chirped about how much I liked the dresses they bought for me, and also about my school success and transfer to homeschooling, and about my friendship with Ann¡­ Mom listened to me and shook her head. Then they left me to rest and went to their room. It was just next door and was between mine and John¡¯s rooms. I heard my mom burst into tears and my dad asking her to calm down. At that moment I felt awkward, I wanted them to smile, but now they are sad because of me.


    The next day, dad decided to get to the bottom of the truth. He called Ann, and she told him everything. Dad¡¯s displeasure was impossible to describe. He burst into the grandmother¡¯s room and began talking to her in a raised voice. It was rare to hear such noise in our house. I didn¡¯t hear what she answered. But based on his remarks, I guessed that the grandmother was justifying John. As a result, my father left her chambers, loudly slamming the door.


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    Mom was just studying with me instead of Alice when dad came into our room. He looked nervous and immediately began to speak:


    ¡°Jane, Jane, what does my mother think? She said that Chris set herself on fire and was more upset that John had ruined her shawl! How can she behave like this? This is absurd!¡±


    ¡°You know, honey, what your mother is like. She always prefers boys. But I¡¯m very sorry, because our girl is very smart. She even experienced this. She doesn¡¯t deserve to be treated this way, does she, daughter?¡±


    Dad beckoned Mom with his finger. She patted me on the head and left with him. Nothing could be heard from behind the closed door. Then she came back and started dressing me for the walk. Dad was already waiting for us, and we went to our pond in front of the house. My parents decided not to overload me and generally treated me very kindly. By lunchtime we returned home. There was absolute silence at the table, only occasionally interrupted by Marco, who clarified something about the dishes. Today I was given a dessert with strawberries, my favorite berry.


    ¡°Is it tasty?¡± Dad asked, smiling.


    I nodded. I didn¡¯t want to answer with my mouth full.


    After lunch, dad told me about working in India and its culture. It turns out to be a very interesting country.


    ¡°You¡¯ll take me there, won¡¯t you, Dad?¡±


    ¡°Of course, Chris, just get better and grow up a little.¡±


    John was not at dinner. Grandma tried to find out where he was and express her opinion, once again throwing a stone at my garden. But no one answered her. It seems that mom and dad decided to ignore her. This made me feel awkward. The evening was calm, and my mother helped me color pictures with colored pencils.

 Part 2. Chapter 13.

    My parents arrived a couple of weeks earlier than planned. They still managed to finish their work early and arrive from India. I always wondered why India? There are so many countries in the world closer to Great Britain, and they traveled either to Africa or to the East. Actually the answer was simple. They were both involved in excavations of ancient cultures. But in my heart I was offended that they spent so little time with us, although I tried with all my might to understand them. John, on the contrary, liked that they were not there. They sensibly judged his actions, and our grandmother forgave and idolized everything. And now that they arrived, I was especially happy. I really wanted them to feel sorry for me after the stress and pain I experienced.


    Mom immediately ran to me, and dad stayed with my grandmother to pay tribute. How upset she was when she saw my legs with ugly scars that had not yet fully healed¡­ She hugged me, shed a few tears and said that everything would be fine. I think she was just trying to keep herself in good shape so as not to escalate the atmosphere. Then dad came. They both asked me about what happened. I didn¡¯t tell them the whole truth. After all, I quickly guessed who did it. But I chirped about how much I liked the dresses they bought for me, and also about my school success and transfer to homeschooling, and about my friendship with Ann¡­ Mom listened to me and shook her head. Then they left me to rest and went to their room. It was just next door and was between mine and John¡¯s rooms. I heard my mom burst into tears and my dad asking her to calm down. At that moment I felt awkward, I wanted them to smile, but now they are sad because of me.


    The next day, dad decided to get to the bottom of the truth. He called Ann, and she told him everything. Dad¡¯s displeasure was impossible to describe. He burst into the grandmother¡¯s room and began talking to her in a raised voice. It was rare to hear such noise in our house. I didn¡¯t hear what she answered. But based on his remarks, I guessed that the grandmother was justifying John. As a result, my father left her chambers, loudly slamming the door.


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    Mom was just studying with me instead of Alice when dad came into our room. He looked nervous and immediately began to speak:


    ¡°Jane, Jane, what does my mother think? She said that Chris set herself on fire and was more upset that John had ruined her shawl! How can she behave like this? This is absurd!¡±


    ¡°You know, honey, what your mother is like. She always prefers boys. But I¡¯m very sorry, because our girl is very smart. She even experienced this. She doesn¡¯t deserve to be treated this way, does she, daughter?¡±


    Dad beckoned Mom with his finger. She patted me on the head and left with him. Nothing could be heard from behind the closed door. Then she came back and started dressing me for the walk. Dad was already waiting for us, and we went to our pond in front of the house. My parents decided not to overload me and generally treated me very kindly. By lunchtime we returned home. There was absolute silence at the table, only occasionally interrupted by Marco, who clarified something about the dishes. Today I was given a dessert with strawberries, my favorite berry.


    ¡°Is it tasty?¡± Dad asked, smiling.


    I nodded. I didn¡¯t want to answer with my mouth full.


    After lunch, dad told me about working in India and its culture. It turns out to be a very interesting country.


    ¡°You¡¯ll take me there, won¡¯t you, Dad?¡±


    ¡°Of course, Chris, just get better and grow up a little.¡±


    John was not at dinner. Grandma tried to find out where he was and express her opinion, once again throwing a stone at my garden. But no one answered her. It seems that mom and dad decided to ignore her. This made me feel awkward. The evening was calm, and my mother helped me color pictures with colored pencils.

 Part 2. Chapter 14.

    When I go outside, I feel like a princess. Snow falls in large flakes. I spin around with the snowflakes, roll up a small ball and throw it into the pond. It melts. Tomorrow is Christmas, it is so wonderful! And we will have a small feast. The most fun will be in the New Year. We will be joined by Mr and Mrs Wilson and Peter, we have decided to celebrate together. In addition, we will give each other gifts. And the day before yesterday grandma Agnia arrived. I didn¡¯t have time to get to know her closely, because my grandmother immediately dragged her to her place, and they constantly spent time together. I only see them during lunch and dinner. They seem to be good friends. Grandmother Agnia is a big fashionista, unlike my grandmother, but this does not prevent them from finding a common language. And they both like chess and crosswords. This is all I managed to understand in these two days.


    ***


    This is New year¡¯s night. We have two tables in our living room. Our parents and we are separate. I would love to sit with them, but the grandmothers are categorical on this issue. They have a tradition of making adult and children¡¯s tables. Mom dressed me in a soft purple dress. Toward the bottom, the satin flounces turned out to be a little fluffy, so it was not comfortable for me. But my straight hair turned into beautiful curls. Peter was in a suit and what seemed to me to be new fashionable glasses. They clearly suited him. John was also dressed in a suit. Although he resisted, his mother persuaded him to wear it anyway, citing the fact that Amber and I would also be dressed up. And Amber was wearing a pink tight knee-length dress and elbow-length gloves. Mabel made a high bun out of her curls, although it looked dubious because unruly hair was constantly trying to get out of it.


    When we arrived, there was a lot of fruit and various juices, cookies and pudding on the tables. But most importantly, there were my favorite poultry pies. And then Marco brought us a stuffed turkey. Mmm, what a delicious treat it was. Meanwhile, grandmother and the others periodically made some toasts, joked, and discussed something. We finished eating. John and Amber immediately ran off to play, but Peter and I stayed because we knew that they would soon start giving gifts, and we wanted to be the first to receive them. I drew a portrait of my dad and mom. I can draw quite well, so they had to like it. And that¡¯s what happened in the end. And my mom and dad gave me an art set and an Imaginarium. So nice of them. They gave John a construction set. Peter received new books, some very old editions. I don¡¯t quite understand the difference between new and old. But if he likes it, I¡¯m sincerely happy for him. Mom gave dad new cufflinks, and he gave her some handmade beads. It looked beautiful on her neck. Afterwards we parted ways, agreeing to meet again the next day.


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    However, something unpleasant happened at night. It always seemed to me that mom and dad loved each other very much, they were always together, and took care of us and each other so touchingly. When I went to bed, I heard someone on the stairs talking quietly. Out of curiosity, I decided to lean against the door and listen, although this is not in my rules. But my inner voice told me that today is possible. One of the speakers was dad, but the other one was not mom¡­


    ¡°I know, I¡¯m sorry that it all turned out this way.¡±


    ¡°Who and what did you want to prove, Jack?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t prove it, you were too cold towards me, and I tried to forget about my feelings. I spent years on this. I met Jane and now we have wonderful children. So why are you and I standing here talking now?¡±


    ¡°Because you¡¯re a fool! I just wanted to be a little naughty, but I would have given up. You ruined your life and mine. But my husband died a couple of years ago. Therefore, I am not worried, but I still have a daughter, but I will raise her. And she will be as beautiful as I am, with good manners and always fashionably dressed. Compare what your wife and I are wearing. Provincial ugliness! Don¡¯t make me laugh, I know that you still love me, and I would not refuse you even now, although you are not free.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t say anything bad about Jane, you don¡¯t even know her. She is a wonderful woman. It¡¯s all your own fault, your arrogance and contempt for others has no boundaries! I do not want to talk to you. You¡¯ve already been visiting my mother for too long. Go back soon. Good night.¡±


    I decided that I could sleep, but then I heard my mother¡¯s voice:


    ¡°So what are you doing here? I knew it. You and I have been together for so many years. Did you decide to give a damn about everything now? You two are standing here, hugging each other, and even kissing, aren¡¯t you ashamed?¡±


    I opened the door slightly.


    ¡°I don¡¯t even want to stand next to you!¡± - she continued and ran away, slamming the door.


    ¡°Wait, dear, let me explain everything!¡±


    Jack wanted to rush after her, but Mabel held his hand.


    ¡°Do not dare!¡± he shouted and pulled his hand out of Mabel¡¯s. She swayed, and he urgently had to hug her so that she wouldn¡¯t start falling down the stairs.


    Everyone else came running at the noise. Nanny Sophie took Amber and John back to bed. Meanwhile, the grandmothers tried to find out what happened. Mabel already had a ready version of what happened. She said that Jack wanted to give her a gift because they were childhood friends. The grandmothers took her side.


    In the morning, my mother packed her clothes and left, although on my desk I found a piece of paper with my mother¡¯s phone number. She also wrote that she loved me very much, apologized. She said that she had urgent matters, and therefore she had to leave, but I could always call her if I wanted. Unfortunately, I understood what was going on. She was just trying to protect me from this information. Who knew that I became an unobtrusive witness to what happened.

 Part 2. Chapter 15.

    For the next few days, my grandmother spoke unflatteringly about my mother. Dad looked dejected. Looks like he couldn¡¯t get through to my mom. Mabel hovered next to him constantly. For the first time in my life I wanted to hit her, because no other person has ever disgust me so much. She made some vulgar hints to him, and he tried his best not to yell at her. He made me very upset with his actions. But it all seemed strange to me, because I heard what he said to her on Christmas night. And why didn¡¯t Mabel tell me about their kiss? Because of this, my grandmother thinks my mom is not good, but my mom is very good, I know.


    Dad tried not to show it in front of John and me. He went with us to the fair and bought me candy. John also had his eye on something. But bad luck, even here Amber followed us, and her mother with her. I was beside myself with anger. I would talk to dad, but I¡¯m still too young for such conversations, in his opinion, I understood this. But the next day Peter came to visit me. And I tried to share it with him. Maybe it¡¯s not very right to wash dirty linen in public, however, I don¡¯t have a closer friend at the moment. While the parents are here, we just exchange a few words with Ann during the day, but we cannot have a heart-to-heart talk, because due to the large number of people in the house, she is constantly busy. Peter listened to me and confirmed my fears that something was wrong with that. But he advised me to just watch. Peter had a slider phone and always carried it with him. He immediately dialed his father and asked something. When Mr. Wilson arrived to take him home, Peter handed me some strange rectangular black thing.


    ¡°Look, Chris, it¡¯s called a voice recorder.¡±


    He started showing me the buttons and explaining how it works. And although I wasn¡¯t sure that I remembered, I nodded. I need to be able to figure it out myself. Now I knew that I would prove my father¡¯s innocence.


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    ***


    Yesterday I snuck into Mabel¡¯s room while Marie was cleaning and asked her some stupid question. Marie got distracted, and I threw the recorder under the bed. I had already figured it out, so turning on the record button was not difficult for me. It¡¯s good that he could record for a long time. I walked out without any worries. At about six in the evening, right before dinner, Grandma Agnia came to see Mabel.


    ¡°Mabel, Jack doesn¡¯t look happy. I know that you have been friends since childhood, and even dated for some time. I know you love him. And I don¡¯t know why Jane reacted so harshly...¡± she started.


    ¡°Mom, stop. Are you serious? She is a usually hysterical woman, can¡¯t you see?!¡± Mabel interrupted irritably.


    ¡°Please listen to what I have to say¡­¡± Grandma Agnia continued, without raising her voice, ¡°... I¡¯ve known you for a long time. And if your relationship doesn¡¯t work out, it¡¯s both of you to blame, but not Jane. I got the impression that she is a good person. Even if Eugena treats her well, although you and I know that Eugena doesn¡¯t like people she has not known for many years, then that says something. Yes, now she is grumbling at her daughter-in-law because she doesn¡¯t know you as well as I do. Eugena believed your story, but you can¡¯t fool me. And I don¡¯t know where you kept silent, but a balanced woman would hardly react like that to a simple exchange of gifts. So talk to Jack tonight so this doesn¡¯t happen again. You have no right to destroy someone else¡¯s family. Do you know why Carl divorced you? Not because you didn¡¯t love him and only thought about his money. He got divorced because he realized what you were like.¡±


    ¡°MOTHER!!!¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t talk to you about this often, but you behaved badly this time. Now think about what I said.¡±


    Our guests have left. I was very happy. I¡¯m pretty tired of the noise from Amber and John. I couldn¡¯t fully understand what Grandma Agnia was like, but she didn¡¯t seem like the worst woman to me. And most importantly, now I had two important recordings on the recorder. I¡¯ve already listened to one, but I haven¡¯t had time to listen to the second yet, but I¡¯ll definitely do it later. I really wanted mom and dad to make peace. I tried to call my mom, but her phone was on voicemail. I left her a message. I was hoping she calls back soon.

 Part 2. Chapter 16.

    July 2010.


    Six months have passed since the ill-fated family left us. I was very worried. Dad was worried too. He looked for any clue to find our mother¡¯s trail, but it seemed to have disappeared. And since none of their mutual acquaintances knew where she was, he had to go to work alone. I shared with my dad what I knew, but didn¡¯t mention the recorder. Dad apologized to me. But I said that although I looked small, I understood everything, and that it was not his fault. He seemed glad to find an ally in me. Ann and I became close again. I don¡¯t have a mobile phone, and my grandmother didn¡¯t allow me to use the home phone. But dad left me some coins. So when Ann and I were shopping, we would find a phone booth, throw in a coin, and I could talk to Dad for two or three minutes. I was happy that I could keep in touch with him. I think he was glad to hear me too. John began to spend more time studying because Alice rescheduled his studies. The grandmother decided to make him a child prodigy, and he studied even in the summer. Several teachers come to give him deeper knowledge. And we began to intersect less. In a month I will be eight, but so much has happened...Sometimes it seems to me that I am already quite an adult, although this is still very far away.


    Yesterday I was in the greenhouse with our gardener Claude. This spring I asked him to plant hyacinths for me and¡­ One day we went to nature, and I saw beautiful purple flowers, it turns out they are called bells. In general, I asked Claude to plant them too, but we take care of them together. And next year he will plant several yellow orchids for me. Our greenhouse is small, but I feel very comfortable there. In recent months I have been spending all my free time there when Peter does not visit me. His parents went on holiday to Greece because it is warm there. Also, my dad works there now. I gave him the letter through Peter.


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    ***


    It¡¯s October. Still no news from my mom. It¡¯s sad, but my dad and I are gradually learning to live with it. Perhaps my mother was too vulnerable. There is a lot in the house that reminds me of her, and in her and dad¡¯s room there are still a lot of mom¡¯s things. Although grandma wanted Marie to throw them all away, everyone who works in our house refused to follow this and persuaded grandma to leave everything in its place. Dad can get rid of them himself if he wants. But I don¡¯t think he will do it. He loves her too much. Today is Peter¡¯s birthday, and the Wilsons invited me to their place. At first my grandmother didn¡¯t want to. But then she decided that she wanted to take a break from my presence on a day off and invite Grandmother Greta to her place without her twin granddaughters. Ann helped me choose a gift. I don¡¯t know what Peter has already read and what he hasn¡¯t. Therefore, after thinking about it, I chose an unusual keychain with four coats of arms of the faculties of the Harry Potter universe. Peter probably read these books, and I plan to read them next year. Anne approved of my choice. She will come by soon and take me to visit. It¡¯s time to get ready. I think I¡¯ll wear a red and white plaid dress that hits just below the knee and ask Ann to make me ponytails with red scrunchies.

 Part 2. Chapter 17.

    February 2011.


    It seems that I have remarkable artistic abilities. Dad recently watched me paint flowers from our greenhouse and he really liked it. He decided to pay for my education at art school. So twice a week I will take lessons there. Dad left yesterday; his excavations in Greece are not over yet. He said that in a couple of years we would go together for a couple of weeks. It is hot there and there is less rain. I really want to see the world and I¡¯m looking forward to it. I will know more techniques and will definitely draw some Greek landscape as a memory.


    I read the first Harry Potter book, and the impressions wash over me. Peter read them all a long time ago. However, we will discuss the heroes and their lines of behavior. We often discuss books. I don¡¯t think everyone does this, but it¡¯s our common hobby. We are real bookworms. Besides, we are good friends, and we immerse ourselves in everything we do. It¡¯s good to have common interests.


    ***


    I turned nine years old. Today Linda and Kate will come to visit, those same twins, granddaughters of Grandma Greta, both with wavy red hair and wearing the same dresses or overalls. They are cheerful and laugh often. Peter will come too. John will be with us too. Grandma decided that he needed a week off from classes. I wonder what they will gift me?


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    Marco made a delicious heart-shaped cake with chocolate frosting. I¡¯m already looking forward to it. I love sweets, but for some reason my grandmother thinks that they are not good for me. Therefore, in honor of this occasion, I will definitely eat more. Let my butt stick together, but I will be happy.


    Grandma decided to congratulate me and even hugged me for the sake of decency. At least that way, thanks. She didn¡¯t wait for the evening and gave me two books in the morning. She is satisfied with this hobby of mine, in general. Although she believes that there is no need to have my head in the clouds. Therefore, these are not some fantasy stories, like the ones Peter sometimes brings me. One book is ¡°Emil of Lonneberga¡± by Astrid Lindgren, and the second¡­ How can I say it better... In general, this is an encyclopedia of flowers. Grandma loves flowers, and probably thought it would be useful for me. Not likely now. But maybe later I¡¯ll get to it. Anyway, I thanked her. It¡¯s good that she paid attention.


    Ann gave me some interesting owl hair clips. They are beautiful. Now she will pin my hair with it. Dad also sent me a gift. This is a handmade hat. I loved it. It will match my plaid dress and will make me look like Pollyanna from the book of the same name.


    Ann tried especially hard today. She dressed me in a light green monochromatic dress with a fluffy felt hem that reached to the knee. I made a high ponytail and tied it with an elastic band with bunny ears. Very cute and a little unusual. I¡¯m ready to go out to the guests, they are already waiting for me.

 Part 2. Chapter 18.

    Yesterday was a noisy, fun evening. I ate too much cake and don¡¯t feel very good. It really was very tasty, so it¡¯s not my fault, it¡¯s Marco¡¯s. He shouldn¡¯t cook so amazingly. The twins made so much noise yesterday that I had a bit of a headache towards the end. They even fired a firecracker, which made grandma very upset. They gave me a half-meter talking doll. Although it only speaks a few phrases, I like it. Now this is another friend of mine. Ann and I will sew new clothes for her; what she¡¯s wearing now is boring. I¡¯ll draw the patterns and Ann will do the sewing. It¡¯s more honest. John gave me some expensive writing pen, although I don¡¯t know much about them. Although he doesn¡¯t love me, attention is always good, I also always give him something on his birthdays. What I liked best was Peter¡¯s gift. Handmade wooden ship model. It looked so fragile, I was scared to even breathe on it.


    ¡°You may not understand what I say now. But adventurers, in pursuit of a dream, sail on the sea of life like this ship. And the question is, will the storm overwhelm a ship and sink it? Or when the sun comes out, a ship will be a little shabby, but its sails will proudly rise above the water surface in the endless ocean? Think about it,¡± he said and kissed me on the cheek.


    He¡¯s always so sincere. He¡¯s already sixteen, so we won¡¯t see each other often anymore. This is the last year before exams. And then he and his parents will decide whether he will continue his studies to prepare for university or go to college after graduation. The only thing I know is that he wants to connect his life with literature.


    ***


    Outside the window the trees are turning yellow. I¡¯m learning again. Our governess Alice planned my education for this year, and I began to learn French, and next year I will also add German. Uff, I¡¯m afraid my head can¡¯t handle such a volume of knowledge, but I¡¯ll try. In any case, I have classes at an art school, and there I rest my soul. The day before yesterday my teacher and I learned to draw a still life with geometric objects, and tomorrow we will finish it. My teacher is a nice woman of about forty. She always treats me kindly and explains clearly, and thanks to her I understand that painting is part of me.


    ***


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    A week ago an unpleasant incident occurred. John had a few days off because he was constantly studying with his teachers. He slept and ate a lot. Grandma thought he had lost weight. In fact, he just grew up. Apparently, he missed those times when he was eleven or twelve, and he could play pranks all day long.


    John is still as angry at heart. It¡¯s just that studying distracted him from the opportunity to do dirty tricks. But during these few days of freedom, he decided to play out in earnest. First, he caught a pigeon somewhere and fed it to a street cat. All this happened before my eyes. Apparently he specifically invited me to go out with him for company in order to anger me. He likes to scare and offend me. This frankly annoys me. I love pigeons because they are not afraid of people. I love cats because they are furry and cute. I would like to have a kitten, but my grandmother doesn¡¯t allow it. And besides, some of our employees are allergic to wool. But grandma still respects them. I was upset by the heroic death of the pigeon and the impudent cat who did not give up the prey. Of course, he also needs to eat, but I felt some disappointment. Most of all I was offended by John, I was so outraged that I swung at him. But he turned out to be quicker, so he twisted my arm. And when I screamed, he dragged me to a large puddle and put me in it, although I resisted. I was wet, dirty and angry. John dragged me home and told my grandmother that I myself had jumped into a puddle and played in it. I don¡¯t know why Grandma didn¡¯t question this theory, but she again decided that I was at fault and scolded me. And told me that I didn¡¯t deserve dinner for my bad behavior. Ann brought me milk and bread in the evening. She always takes pity on me, dear Ann. I shared that accident with her, and she was also angry.


    ¡°Let¡¯s take revenge on this scoundrel!¡± she told me.


    I smiled and nodded to her.


    ¡°You see, Chris, the smile has returned to your pretty face.¡±


    She made my bed, covered me with a blanket after I lay down, kissed me loudly on the cheek and was about to leave, but I pulled her sleeve. She looked at me questioningly.


    ¡°Tell me why grandma treats me this way. Am I behaving worse than my brother?¡± I asked.


    Anne¡¯s face immediately became serious.


    ¡°That¡¯s a very difficult question. She has reasons for this, and they are inside her head. Maybe someday she will tell you about it. But I know for sure that you are a good girl. And it would be good if John were as obedient as you. Even adolescence will not force a person to behave the way he does. This has been his choice since childhood. We can only hope that someday he will change¡­¡±


    With these words she turned off the light and left. I thought for a long time, what if my brother finally changed. But I could never imagine what he would be like.

 Part 2. Chapter 19.

    Grandma has a dog. Yorkshire Terrier. Her name is Astra. As long as I remember myself at a conscious age, she has always been with us. Grandma prefers to spend time at home, but does not forget to tell the other inhabitants of our large house what and how they are supposed to do. And I was tired of her endless lectures about the benefits of fresh air. Only every day at half past four she leaves the house for twenty minutes and no more, goes to the backyard with Astra and walks along the path that stretches along the perimeter of the lawn. There, then back, and so on several times. And she comes back again. My grandmother is sixty-three years old, although she looks somewhat younger. For example, Grandma Greta runs in the morning, although they are the same age. But my grandmother doesn¡¯t understand her. On the other hand, my grandmother is fond of creams and masks for rejuvenation, but Grandma Greta is not. But this does not stop them from being friends. But I talked a lot for now. In the morning my governess Alice walks with Astra, and in the evening the gardener Claude.


    On Sundays, everyone who lives in the house gathers for a picnic, regardless of the weather. And we always take Astra with us. When I was younger, my grandmother would make me read aloud so I could practice my reading technique, just at these picnics. She hasn¡¯t been doing this for the last six months, so I can just sit, eat a nice meal (thanks Marco), and look at the nature around me. In winter we don¡¯t have picnics outside because it¡¯s cold. Then we gather in grandma¡¯s large living room. On such days I eat a lot and just absorb books somewhere by the fireplace. Where Peter usually likes to sit.


    It¡¯s March outside, the snow has begun to melt, we go to the park not far from our house and sit in a gazebo with columns. I think it¡¯s precisely because of the strict shape of the columns that grandma loves this gazebo, otherwise we wouldn¡¯t come here. Marco has prepared food, and after a long winter break we must again make a second foray into the damn gazebo¡­


    I just wanted to write about the fact that in my life there is also a furry creature named Astra. But it turned out that I remembered the poor dog just in time. In order to get to the gazebo, we still need to cross the bridge over the stream. While we were sitting in the gazebo, John was trying to shoot birds in the park with a homemade slingshot. I tried to tell my grandmother, but when she turned around, this bad guy pretended that he was just walking. However, Astra also ran with him, and as a result, a pebble from the slingshot hit her. Apparently it was not the smallest, because she squealed and rolled down in surprise, straight into the stream. At the edge, she was still able to slow down, but remained lying motionless.


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    ¡°I told you so!¡± I shouted to my grandmother and ran after the dog.


    Claude hurried after me, and John tried to pretend that he had nothing to do with it. But the grandmother came up to him and grabbed his hand.


    ¡°Young man, this is the last thing I expected from you. Pray that everything will be fine with her,¡± she said this displeasedly, but quietly, but I still heard it. Claude had already joined and picked Astra up in his arms.


    ¡°Mrs. Eugena, we should take her to the vet.¡±


    ¡°Of course, call Miss Litter now so that she can see you urgently. I¡¯ll go with you. Ann, take the children home. You,¡± she turned to John, ¡°will stay in your room until the evening. Nanny Sophie, please keep an eye on your charge, Anne, you will also help her. Alice will come with us. Sorry we had to finish earlier than usual.¡±


    They walked quickly towards the house. As soon as they were no longer visible, we breathed a sigh of relief.


    ¡°Do you understand that you just did a very bad thing?!¡± Ann turned to John.


    Nanny Sophie nodded disapprovingly. John trudged after her sadly. And so do we.


    ***


    Two days have passed. Astra has a broken hip and internal damage (though I didn¡¯t understand what exactly) from the pebble that John threw at her. The grandmother does not speak to her grandson. She is very sad. And we are all sad. If my brother had just hit a stone into it, there wouldn¡¯t have been such problems. Although this is also a bad thing. But since she couldn¡¯t resist and rolled down a fairly steep slope, this complicated the situation. But we really hope that everything will be fine.


    ***


    Unfortunately, our poor Astra passed away a few days later. I cried, Alice cried, and even my grandmother shed a few stingy tears. The vet told us she had an internal hemorrhage. But at night when this happened, everyone was sleeping, and in the morning it was already late. I don¡¯t want to add anything more, I¡¯m upset about what happened.

 Part 2. Chapter 20.

    It¡¯s April now. After the incident with Astra, everyone finally calmed down. My dad is supposed to come see me in May. Lately he has been somewhere with poor communications. And I have to send him letters. I finally got an answer, and in a month daddy will be here again. There is another good news, or maybe not so good¡­ I don¡¯t know how to take it. Yesterday the Wilsons came to visit. I was really glad to see Peter; we had not seen each other for about a month. He is completely immersed in the educational process and rarely finds time for me. It¡¯s not surprising, because we have a decent age difference. He is a friend to me, but perhaps he just considers me a child and treats me condescendingly. In any case, he told me important news.


    My mother called Mrs. Wilson a few days ago, asking how we were doing and whether Dad came often. Peter¡¯s mom said that everything was fine, except for the case with Astra. Mom also asked when Dad was coming, and the Wilsons paid us a visit over the weekend to see if we knew anything about it. Only my mother asked them not to tell my grandmother that she was interested. So they will not inform my grandmother for now and just want to know how dad is doing. I told Peter that if they contact my mother again, they should tell that I miss her. Peter nodded and hugged me goodbye.


    ***


    Today is a sunny warm day. The trees are starting to turn green. I love watching the process of the leaves opening. We are waiting for dad any day now. Yesterday, when Ann picked me up from art class, the teacher told her that if I continued to develop my talent in this area, I would have a promising future. I was glad to hear this. Lately we¡¯ve been learning the basics of portraiture and sketching different face shapes. For me, working with a face is a little more difficult than working with nature or objects. The artist¡¯s world is huge. It turns out that there are many different techniques and directions. I never thought about it. Ann admires my work, but I doubt it¡¯s that good. This is just friendly support on her part. But this suits me too, I will try even more. Alice notes my progress in regular school-related activities. She rarely praises me, but recently she was talking about it with my grandmother, and I accidentally heard it when I passed by. True, grandma is reserved as always.


    I¡¯m waiting for my mother too, I miss her so much. I hope she really comes and doesn¡¯t leave us again. I think she didn¡¯t behave very well after all, we children always need both parents. We need warmth and support. In any case, I still have the recordings on the tape recorder that Peter gave me. And I keep wondering why she didn¡¯t try to contact me, although I left her a message on her answering machine.


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    ***


    I¡¯m wearing a beige turtleneck with black birds on it and a black skirt just above the knee. The hair is braided to one side. When I look in the mirror, a short girl, whose movements are a little angular, smiles at me in the reflection. Her clothes make her look more mature, but she is far from being a graceful lady. Large eyes remain serious and somewhat wary, despite the fact that the mouth lives its own life.


    ¡°Christina, remember, you will study a lot. You will be as smart as Peter, and maybe even smarter,¡± I say, pointing a finger at my reflection.


    ***


    Dad arrived and we hugged for a long time. And we chatted about mom in the evening. He has already come to terms with her absence and it will be exciting for him to see her after a long separation. But I know that he will control himself, although he is a little hot-tempered by nature. Dad found out about Astra and was upset even more, because my brother showed himself poorly. He had an explanatory conversation with John and even hopes that he heard him. I hope too, because my brother became a little calmer after this incident. And my dad and I also went to Claude¡¯s greenhouse. Claude has already planted hyacinths and bluebells, as I asked last year. I look after them. And dad wanted to see the results of my labors. Then he would catch up with me on the lawn next to the fountain and circle when he managed to catch me, and I would laugh. I love the family atmosphere of warmth and comfort a lot¡­


    ***


    Mom has changed. She¡¯s even thinner than she was before, which makes her seem a little taller. She withdrew into herself. Grandmother disapproved of her return. But in this case, I am not surprised by the reaction from my grandmother. The relationship between dad and mom is strained. She hardly speaks, and if he tries to talk to her, he does so very carefully. She told me that I had grown up noticeably. Well, of course, because she hasn¡¯t seen me for so long. And then she stroked my head and was silent. Finally, I asked her:


    ¡±Tell me, are you still angry with dad? And why were you gone for so long? Do you know that we missed you?!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know...¡± she answered, barely audible, ¡°...A lot of time has passed, dad and I will talk about everything one day.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to interfere in your affairs, otherwise you¡¯ll say that I¡¯m small and don¡¯t understand anything. That¡¯s what grandma usually says. But here...¡± I handed her the recorder, ¡°...take it. I won¡¯t explain anything, but Peter gave it to me. He and I are friends. I recorded this down for you. I don¡¯t know what your problem is, but it¡¯s not dad¡¯s fault. I know this for sure.¡±


    ¡°What is this, Chris?¡±


    She seemed surprised.


    ¡°Mom, this is an ordinary voice recorder. I threw it under Mrs. Mabel¡¯s bed, and when she left, I took it from there. Don¡¯t ask anything else, it doesn¡¯t matter. And I hate that you didn¡¯t call me, although you left your phone number when you ran away. And I sent you a voice message. I¡¯m a little offended by you.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, daughter, I didn¡¯t mean to. I changed my number. Okay, I won¡¯t ask you. Apparently you have not only become taller, but also smarter. I¡¯m happy for you.¡±


    She kissed my forehead and left.

 Part 2. Chapter 21.

    It seems that my mother took my advice and listened to the tape recorder after all. However, now she is more sad and thoughtful. Dad tries to stir her up. I have already told him about the story with the recorder. He, of course, shook his head disapprovingly, but praised me for my intelligence. He tried to talk to his wife several times, but she avoided him. It seems strange to me that she behaves this way, but dad told me that this is normal. She¡¯s in shock after getting the full picture and is probably feeling uncomfortable or ashamed right now. But she never said anything about life without us, although dad told her how he missed her and was looking for her.


    ¡°You see, Chris, there¡¯s no point in being angry with her. We don¡¯t know what happened to her or how she lived. But I see that not everything is alright with her. I don¡¯t know if we can fix this. The psyche is a very complex thing. And as you get older, you¡¯ll know more about it. From your own experience.¡±


    I¡¯m glad that he communicates with me as an adult.


    ¡°Of course, daddy,¡± I hugged him, ¡°but she¡¯s very sad. And she hardly speaks. Are you sure she¡¯ll be okay?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t give any guarantees, my dear. I hope she¡¯s not going crazy because this is weird behavior. But I¡¯m always with you, you know. We can handle it.¡±


    ¡°How does John react to this?¡±


    ¡°Wow, are you worried about John?¡± he smiled.


    ¡°Of course, no matter what he does, he is still my brother and your child. Maybe he¡¯ll improve, though...¡±


    ¡°Although it¡¯s hard to believe,¡± Dad interrupted me with a laugh, ¡°but suddenly a miracle will happen. By the way, does he still play chess with his grandmother?¡±


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    ¡°Sometimes. But his grandmother kept him busy with his studies. Will his head explode from so much knowledge?¡±


    ¡°Daughter, a head cannot burst from knowledge! I have an idea about your mom and my wife. Maybe Anne can talk to her? They always communicated well.¡±


    ¡°Why not? I¡¯m glad you¡¯re here, but I want to read before bed,¡± I waved the thick book in front of his nose.


    ¡°What are you reading?¡± he asked and looked at the title, ¡°Oh, it¡¯s ¡°Nils¡¯s Wonderful Journey with the Wild Geese. ¡±Did you find this in our library?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°I read this book once, it¡¯s a good thing. By the way, would you like me buying you the latest Harry Potter book? You haven¡¯t read it yet, have you?¡±


    ¡°Cool, dad. Want Want. And what about grandma?¡±


    ¡°And grandma won¡¯t know anything, we¡¯ll buy you a small bookcase for your room. Do you want?¡±


    ¡°Thank you, daddy!!!¡±


    ¡°Now I¡¯ll go over to John¡¯s and check on your mom.¡±


    He kissed the top of my head and left me alone.


    ***


    The Wilsons came over for Sunday dinner. Marco made shrimp and pineapple salad and blueberry pie. I love it when he cooks something atypical for our table. These are masterpieces. Sometimes it seems to me that he is an artist, only instead of brushes he has knives, and instead of canvas there are products.


    I¡¯m glad. Mom communicated with them quite willingly, although things weren¡¯t working out with dad yet. Dad is still trying to find an approach to her. I look at her and begin to doubt that everything is okay with her. She waves her arms twitchingly, although she has never done this before, and says that she has been in Spain and in Turkiye for the last six months, although she has worked in different places that are not even closely related to history. Mr. Wilson smiled at her restrainedly, and he looked sympathetically at dad. And after dinner he went up to dad, and they whispered about something.


    It¡¯s June now, Peter still wants to go to university, so he will continue to study here. Although rare, we will be able to communicate for another year until he leaves. Peter and I decided to build a construction set today, but a little unusual. This is a wooden car that is assembled from prepared parts. It turned out beautiful. Peter said it was a retro model, but I didn¡¯t remember its name.

 Part 2. Chapter 22.

    Well, my first anniversary is behind me. I¡¯m just kidding, I¡¯m not that old, almost my whole life is ahead of me. The holiday was noisy and fun, as always. Dad bought me a bookcase, and the first books began to appear there. Dad went to Egypt, this time, and promised to bring me photos from the next excavation. I look forward to it. I never saw what he does at work.


    But my mother did not go with him. Dr. Wilson talked to my dad and she will be undergoing rehabilitation for the next six months. We still don¡¯t know what happened to her, and maybe we never will. She has lost some fragments of her memory. Because of this, she behaves strangely. She is trying to gradually establish contacts with us, but so far she has not been very successful because she is losing her thoughts. The doctors said that she might not return home, it was more of an accident. Dad believes that everything will work out. I hope so. However, I always go out with her whenever I have free time. Sometimes John goes with her. The day before yesterday he poured water on me so that I would wake up. And in retaliation in the evening I pinched his side, he squealed so funny. I think he¡¯s a bit of a sissy. By the way, until the age of thirteen, the grandmother chose what he would wear, how he would cut his hair, where to go, and what to do. And although she allowed him almost everything, he looked at other boys his age and rebelled. He doesn¡¯t wear any old-fashioned ruffles anymore. We don¡¯t live in the nineteenth century. However, he still has wavy hair, which his grandmother never allows him to cut short. But he looks like the average teenager. This is already good.


    Grandma lately prefers to stay in her room and tells a little less who should do what. Sometimes she goes to Grandma Greta¡¯s and they watch old films. She also started following a diet. I concluded from all this that perhaps she has some health problems. But I¡¯m not sure yet.


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    As for me, I still draw. Recently, my teacher and I went out into nature and painted a picturesque landscape with hills. She sent my work to some competition. We will wait for the results. Alice and I started learning German. It¡¯s just the first lessons, but I feel it will be easier for me than French. Each language has different pronunciation, you have to get used to it. I¡¯m not very good at math, unlike my brother, but everything else seems to be normal. Soon there will be rain and slush. I love winter so much. We still have two more months to wait for snow. I¡¯m already dreaming about how dad will come and mom will return from the center for the New Year holidays. And the Wilsons and I will go to the skating rink.


    Ann recently went shopping and met some nice man. Sometimes they go out together. I think they are on dates. She talks so animatedly after these meetings. It seems to me that she loves him, although I haven¡¯t seen them together yet. It¡¯s good that at least someone in this house is happy.


    After the New Year, Marie and Claude will go to their parents in France for a month, and we will have to temporarily invite a gardener and a maid. I¡¯ll try to get along with them.


    I¡¯m already used to the fact that we are all together and inseparable. It¡¯s like we¡¯re one big family. Yes, we have quarrels sometimes, but we love each other, and I feel much more comfortable in this whole environment. The only one I can¡¯t understand is my grandmother, who treats me undeservedly badly. But I hope that I will get to the truth, and she will tell me the reason herself.

 Part 3. Chapter 1.

    Four years have passed since I kept my diary. I¡¯d like to talk a little bit about how the same thing happened to my mom Jane. We tried for a long time to find information about what happened, some of which she told herself. Not me, of course, the doctors. It turned out that my mother was traveling around Europe for a couple of months when she left my dad because of the incident with Mrs. Mabel, but then she decided to change things radically and went to the Eastern countries. It so happened that she met a man who promised her prosperity and love. But he turned out to be not at all the savior she had imagined. As a result, he began to treat her more harshly. She was depressed and started smoking hand-rolled cigarettes with various contents, and in the meantime agreed to try some strange powder. Basically, it was drugs. Meanwhile, she got involved. He offered her to men, and they paid him good sums for it. Besides, my mother is an attractive woman. She had no pocket money, but he paid for her basic purchases. She didn¡¯t really like all these men, but she had little choice, and besides, he gave her new doses, and then life seemed more harmless. As a result, she was completely tired of it all, and when she was conscious, she thought about how to get out. She tried to escape, but the attempt failed. She went out to get some air and walked wherever her eyes looked. She was in no hurry, hoping to look at ease. He caught her. Jane tried to justify himself, but he hit her several times and broke her nose. Then he finally took her to the hospital, where her nose was set. But there were some bruises on her face and arms. He waited a week and then started propositioning her to men again. One day he came to check on Jane, but not alone, with some blonde about twenty-five. My mom tried to find out what was happening, but the girl did not answer her questions. He only had to step away for a minute before leaving Jane alone again, having previously pushed the dose into her.


    When mom opened her eyes, it was daytime, and she felt terrible weakness. She tried to get up, but she had no strength, and she fell asleep again. She woke up again when the window was already dark. With difficulty she turned on the light and walked to the kitchen, warmed up the kettle, found cookies in the drawer and got ready to drink tea. As she began to sit on the stool, a piece of paper fell out of her back pocket.


    ¡°If you woke up, it means I¡¯m no longer here. And HIM too. You are not only one for HIM, there are 8 more women whom he sells. But I heard you have children, so I can help. Put this scrap under the doormat if you agree.¡±


    Two days later Jane was cleaning the apartment. When she lifted the doormat, she found a new note.


    ¡°Tomorrow you have a date with a dark man of about thirty-five. Do what you should do. And then I¡¯ll come to you myself,¡± she said.


    My mom looked forward to the new day with interest. After the visit of the person described in the note, some young girl of pretty Asian appearance actually came to see Jane. Her face seemed familiar to mom. She took my mother aside.


    ¡°Actually, I brought you the powder, here you go,¡± she began in a whisper. Mom looked around and quickly put a small package with its contents into her pocket.


    ¡°Who are you?¡±


    ¡°I am Shu. And you¡¯re Jane, as far as I know. Basically, your boss is my guy.¡±


    ¡°Then how and why are you going to help me?¡±


    ¡°Wait, we don¡¯t have much time. That handsome guy is about to get out of the shower. But he doesn¡¯t know that you are not alone for now. We are not allowed to have anyone extra with visitors. I¡¯ll be brief. I have personal scores with our boss. He cheated on me, but he doesn¡¯t know that I¡¯m aware of it. It happened, I decided to help you. Besides, he keeps you here forcibly, and the rest of the women work voluntarily. I¡¯m sorry this happened. Take some money and this¡­¡± she handed my mother a black bag, ¡°...You put on what¡¯s here. The hood is as low as possible, no one in the block should see you. My things are old, but they will suit you. I haven¡¯t worn these since my boss and I started dating. I have to run, inside the package you will find a sheet of paper with instructions.¡±


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    After that, Shu quickly ran away, and when the client got dressed, my mother, as if nothing had happened, took the money from him and put it in a drawer of the table. The boss was supposed to pick it up the next day. Then she seemed lost in thought, took out a package from under the bed and decided to see what was inside. There were black sweatpants and a loose khaki sweatshirt. There were also black sneakers with yellow stripes inside. The note Shu was talking about fell out of the clothes.


    ¡°The boss will leave tomorrow in the morning, he has urgent business, he will not have time to collect the money.But you will wait until five o¡¯clock in the evening. You get dressed, take the keys to the apartment, they are in your right pocket. I made a duplicate for you, he won¡¯t know. Before leaving, you take the money, throw a couple of bills on the floor, break the window as if someone broke in, quickly lock the apartment and leave as if nothing had happened. Throw the keys in a trash can further away from here. You will go straight down the street, at the fifth intersection you will turn left, then after two more intersections you will turn right. The push-button Nokia is in the left pocket of your pants. There is a taxi number there. Call and say that you are going to the airport. Then you buy a ticket to where you need to go. There should be enough money, I know that you are paid more than others. But if it¡¯s not enough, I left some more in the left pocket of my sweatshirt. You¡¯ll use the powder when you really can¡¯t stand it. You will use the powder when you really can¡¯t stand it. There¡¯s not much there, in case you have withdrawal symptoms, save.¡±


    After that, my mother returned to us. She underwent rehabilitation, but her memory was damaged due to stress. Plus, she was still using drugs. It is unclear where she found them. But the fact remained a fact. She finally went crazy after a year in a rehabilitation center. And she had to be sent to a mental hospital. That day became a black day on the calendar for us. We tried to visit her there, but it did not bring us positive impressions. She looked a little like the mother I knew before. Haggard, with matted hair, she asked to be taken away, or began to fight against the walls like a fish. One day she attacked me and shouted that I didn¡¯t look like my father, maybe we aren¡¯t from the same family, and she doesn¡¯t know me. Dad quickly called the doctors and they took her away. A few days later, when she calmed down, she was released for a walk under the supervision of nurses. She sat down under a bush and sat there for a long time. By the time the two nurses suspected something was wrong, it was too late. One of her old friends from the rehabilitation center, who had escaped earlier, brought and placed under this very bush a dose, which became her last. And she found it¡­


    It was a summer rainy day in unison with the mood. We were all in black. John even burst into tears when his mother was buried. And I cried too. And dad looked at what was happening with some kind of silent despair and hugged us tightly to him. There were a lot of people I didn¡¯t know: my grandmother¡¯s friends or our parents¡¯ acquaintances. Although the grandmother herself did not go to accompany my mother on her final journey, citing poor health. The Wilsons drove us home. All this time, through his contacts, the doctor tried to make my mother¡¯s life easier. He helped us as much as he could, and we were grateful to him. At that moment, when we were driving in the car, and streams of rain flowed down the windows, I thought that if Peter was nearby¡­ Perhaps it would have been easier for me, but he had already left for another city for university.

 Part 3. Chapter 2.

    I twirled in front of the mirror again to check if there were any flaws. Suddenly a hair fell out of my two braids or my dress got dirty somewhere, but everything was perfect. Having meticulously examined myself, I went down to my dad, who was already waiting for me.


    ¡°Christie, incredibly long. You become like the average girl, they all take a long time to get ready,¡± he laughed.


    ¡°Sorry for keeping you waiting,¡± I grinned, ¡°besides, what¡¯s the new nickname, dad?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s always welcome for my daughter! Miss Aela, are you ready?¡±


    ¡°Of course, sir, I¡¯m always ready for you,¡± she answered flirtatiously.


    Aela is our new housekeeper. She has been working with us for the last three months. She¡¯s a funny girl. She is red-haired, has freckles, has a normal build and loves to laugh. She is twenty-seven years old. And dad seems to like her. He grieved for a long time after the death of his mother, but Aela came and gradually everything began to change. He became more cheerful.


    Where did Ann go? My dear Ann got married. So we had to let her go. She left for the province, and we have only seen each other a couple of times since then. But she simply glowed with happiness. So if she liked this life better, I¡¯m happy for her. If only someone would love me as much as Bill loves Ann. But I didn¡¯t dwell on this thought for long.


    Today the three of us decided to go shopping. I needed new canvases. Last year, my dad and I went to Greece; he had long promised to take me there. There is so much there that is historically important and has survived to this day. Old civilizations are very interesting. I painted three landscapes, two of which dad sold to our friends. And he kept the one he liked the most. It hangs in our living room. Last week, my teacher and I drew two more paintings: a garden with roses and a photograph of Keira Knightley, and sent them to the competition in different categories. My teacher always believed that I would achieve a lot in this field.


    Dad and Aela chatted the whole way about something that they alone understood. So I didn¡¯t interfere and just kicked pebbles under my feet if they came across me along the way. I wondered how Peter was doing, since he was still my only close friend. Dad promised to buy me a computer. This was for training purposes so that Mrs. Olson would no longer have to spend entire days tutoring me. We decided that studying remotely is much better. Besides, if I had a computer, we would connect to the Internet, and I could correspond by email with Peter. He returned to his parents twice a year, and not for long. He came to us once during all this time, and the other times I went to visit the Wilsons. They, of course, were always happy to see me, but their son was much more important to them, and of course, they are right. Sometimes they went to campus during school hours to see him. But it wasn¡¯t enough, and they missed him, I guess. Peter always brought me some souvenirs from Glasgow. I may not have said it, but his studies are taking place there. And in a year he should already become a bachelor¡¯s graduate. Dad promised that we would go to his graduation together. So, immersed in thoughts about Peter, I walked to the store with dad and Aela.


    ¡°Well, girls, shall we meet at the store at the entrance in half an hour?¡± Dad asked cheerfully.


    ¡°Christina, should I go with you to get some canvases?¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Aela, I can do it myself. You and dad can buy everything you need,¡± I answered.


    And with that we parted ways.


    In the evening there was a brand new laptop on the table in my room. We still thought it was more compact and portable. So the decision was made unanimously. I was terribly happy. It has finally happened. We burst home with noise and laughter. At that moment, the grandmother came out, and it seems that she was unhappy that her peace was disturbed. But she was crazy about her only son, and therefore remained silent. In addition, Aela always managed to do everything, although she was younger than Ann, and was just learning how to properly distribute finances, without having much experience behind her. She always listened to the advice of those who had lived in this house for a long time, but did not follow them literally. She chose the average of all the opinions she received, and therefore easily found a common language with everyone. And my grandmother really liked it, even with her unhealthy love for the male and underestimation of the female half.


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    ***


    Two days later, I was connected to the Internet. Dad was pleased, besides, he was going to leave for work in a few days and wanted everything to be done before his departure, and I didn¡¯t need anything. He also wanted to go to Belfast before the end of his vacation; my brother is studying mathematics at the university there. Dad wanted to send him to one of the Scottish universities, but grandmother insisted that he go to Northern Ireland to her friend Grandma Agnia and to that unpleasant Mrs. Mabel, because of whom everything happened to my mother. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever forgive her for this. And then there was Amber, her daughter and John¡¯s friend. I was sure that he would not be bored there. But it doesn¡¯t matter. It was easier to breathe at home without him, nobody could jump out from around the corner and scare me or trip me up. So peace and order reigned at home. Only one thing did not change: grandmother¡¯s love of exaggerated conservatism, walks on Sundays and overly formal lunches and dinners every day. I was really tired of this. I think dad did too, but he respected grandma and came home rarely, and therefore didn¡¯t change anything, although sometimes he argued with her. He was completely focused on John and me. John came last Christmas for the last time. For some reason he decided not to come in the summer, but grandmother was not very upset after she talked about something with grandmother Agnia. Well, okay, there will still be winters ahead.


    I decided not to delay, called Mrs. Wilson and asked for Peter¡¯s email, after which I immediately sat down at my laptop.


    ¡°Hello. This is Christina. How are you doing? P.S. Dad bought me a laptop, now we can communicate if you want.¡±


    I waited about ten minutes, and there was no answer.


    ¡°He¡¯s probably busy. I¡¯ll check later,¡± I thought and went to the greenhouse. Claude was always glad to see me. He was moderately sociable. And since his wife Marie was often busy cleaning the large house, I kept him in good company. I often sat down and sketched flowers. Sometimes human faces appeared among the outlines of flowers. Merging into one picture, they told their story. It seemed to me that flowers perfectly convey people¡¯s emotions. Luckily, Alice was busy and I didn¡¯t have any lessons. So I sat until the evening, til§Õ they called me for dinner. I quickly glanced at the sketch: a young girl with a thin, pointed face was looking up with a cold and slightly desperate expression. And her body was replaced by a slender delphinium. It looks like the idea was a success, and I was pleased with myself.


    Dinner passed with the grandmother lamenting that her son was leaving again, and at the same time, she gave instructions on what to convey to John, including from her.


    ¡°It¡¯s as if dad has never seen his son, and he is not able to figure out what to say or what to do. My brother wouldn¡¯t mind the lack of attention at all, since he doesn¡¯t want to come,¡± I thought irritably.


    At the end of the evening bustle, I wished my father a good night¡¯s sleep before the journey, then I went upstairs and hurried to check the mail. A message was waiting for me:


    ¡°Hi Chris. I¡¯m glad you wrote. I¡¯m doing great, you know I love to study. It¡¯s like I¡¯m in my element. I read constantly since the university library is nearby. This is my final year and I will already have a bachelor¡¯s degree. I don¡¯t know if I want to continue studying or stop. But soon I will know for sure. I¡¯ll come in winter, and we¡¯ll definitely go for walks together, because you haven¡¯t seen a lot of things yet. I respect Grandma Eugena, but it seems she¡¯s too hard on you. But you know I¡¯m your friend, so we¡¯ll fill in those gaps.


    P.S. How are your paintings?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s good that you¡¯re okay. I was bored without communication. Now dad is visiting, but tomorrow he will leave. I have to see him off, so I¡¯ll go to bed early today. I will write to you in my free time. Now I also have to study a lot. Pictures... Well, there is progress. Today I was in Claude¡¯s greenhouse, and I¡¯m finally happy with the sketch. Good night!


    P.S. We will definitely take a walk if I¡¯m allowed. But it¡¯s too early to talk about this, it¡¯s only September.¡±


    The power sensor has stopped lighting. closed my laptop and smiled to myself. Even from a distance, I was no longer alone. Also, now I could not lose touch with my dad. I brushed my teeth, undressed and dived into bed.

 Part 3. Chapter 3.

    Over the next few weeks, Peter and I discussed the latest youth popular works. He promised to send me new books by parcel, and I waited impatiently. I was glad that I could communicate with my best friend again, even if he was a busy student constantly sitting in front of his textbooks. I painted my paintings, perfecting my style, but I didn¡¯t forget about my regular activities. Alice was strict at times, but she no longer scolded me. All shortcomings were compensated for by my efforts. I also had a second teacher, Mr. Bronx, who came twice a week. These were the days of the exact sciences, with which, to put it mildly, I was not good. But Mr. Bronx never scolded me, he just tried to explain again. This elderly, balanced man knew his subjects very well and was ready to share knowledge and guide students on the right path. In this case I was that student. Besides, he caught me drawing a couple of times. And although he loved more conservative movements in art, he said:


    ¡°Baby, you are undoubtedly talented. Now put the sketch aside and let¡¯s gnaw on the granite of numbers and physical laws.¡±


    I liked how unobtrusively he taught. His face often lit up with a wide smile. And sometimes he shared funny stories from his life. And I felt relaxed. If only Alice were as calm and unbiased.


    ***


    ¡°Dear daddy, hello!


    You probably work a lot, but I just wanted to know how you were doing. I miss you a lot and am looking forward to Christmas. We will finally be able to see each other. Send me some photos from Brazil. Are there a lot of rainforests there? It is very interesting to me. And yesterday I painted a new picture. Remember I had a girl with the body of a delphinium? And now I drew a girl with a salvia body.Looks original. I¡¯ll show you when you arrive. It¡¯s late, I¡¯ll go to bed.


    Kiss!¡±


    I told Peter about the paintings and said that I wanted to draw a flower with his face on it when he came home for the holidays. I was a little worried because I was worried that he would refuse. I checked the new messages.


    ¡°Hi Chris!


    It is an unexpected offer. No one has ever drawn me, much less in such an abstract form. But I trust you ;)¡±


    I was damn glad, I ran down the stairs in search of Aela and found her in the kitchen.


    ¡°Aela, Marco, this is amazing! Can you imagine if I could draw my best friend Peter as a flower?! This will be a bomb!!!¡±


    ¡°Miss First Brush of Scotland, calm down!¡±


    Marco playfully covered his ears, and then stroked my head. And Aela squeezed my hands in hers and smiled warmly:


    ¡°You will achieve great success with such perseverance, Christina.¡±


    Aela looked like the sun with her red head of hair. She always lifted my spirits with just her appearance. Of course, I was more accustomed to seeing my mother next to my dad. But what happened to mom already happened. And we all needed to move on with our lives. Aela would really cheer up dad, change his life, and maybe he would want to spend more time at home. Although I rarely saw my parents since childhood, and took it for granted, because that was their job, I wanted more attention. And this is not surprising. It¡¯s good that except for Grandma, John and Alice, everyone treated me with warmth, and I didn¡¯t feel so lonely.


    ***


    ¡°Hi Peter :)


    All our trees are yellow, and it rained for several days, but it finally stopped. Today I sat by the pond and read ¡°Emma¡± by Jane Austen, one of the books you sent me. Emma seems to be a strong woman, and although she is proud, she is not heartless. She has feelings too, I definitely like this novel.


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    Christina.¡±


    ¡°Hi Chris!


    Glad to hear that. Have you already read ¡°Divergent¡±? If so, what do you think?¡±


    ¡°Oh yes, I read the first part. I haven¡¯t gotten to the second one yet. I prefer to alternate genres of books to read. As for this book... There are factions, I would choose Amity or Sincerity.¡±


    ¡°Probably Chris. True, these people had no choice. Beatrice wanted to join the Fearless faction, but due to her family, she was raised according to the canons of Abnegation, and her parents expected the same from her. And those who were able to get into several factions based on their personal qualities, those same divergents, were condemned by society. The faction of Erudites, trying to seize the championship, was simply afraid of them¡­ The masses can be controlled if you know exactly the levers of pressure. And if you don¡¯t have such knowledge, you cannot predict their actions. Don¡¯t you think this is stupid?


    Friendliness or Sincerity? I appreciate you and your opinion, friend, but I think you didn¡¯t read carefully.These are rival factions. Sincerity is open to the truth, and Friendliness is ¡°both ours and yours.¡± It¡¯s not that hard to understand.


    I wish you a good evening.¡±


    ¡°Peter, hi!


    Well, let¡¯s start with the fact that any information can be presented harmlessly, and at the same time sincerely. And in general, now you are talking like an Erudite. A little arrogant, don¡¯t you think? Do you know what¡¯s really stupid? It¡¯s good when a person has principles. But this should not lead people to hostility and the desire of some to destroy others. People have set barriers for themselves and do not want to break them. This novel would not be relevant if people had not continued to this day to build a wall, protecting themselves from others. My grandmother is an example of this, and you know it.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t agree with you. But I don¡¯t want to prove anything. You will understand when you grow up that the world is not ideal!¡±


    Wow, he looks pissed. I always knew my friend to be calm, kind and balanced. Maybe he just liked to always be right. It probably had to do with age. He was still older than me, although he had been around for several years, during which, it seemed to me, I got to know him well. Apparently I knew him badly. But life goes on. Perhaps he was having a bad day. But I decided not to write to him anymore until he cools down. He imagines himself to be the smartest. But I¡¯m not that stupid, even if I¡¯m only fourteen.


    ***


    ¡°Hello, daughter!


    I¡¯m fine. True, everything turned out to be a little more difficult than we expected. So I don¡¯t know yet when we¡¯ll get it done. And we have almost no free time. However, I am enclosing for you a photo of the Amazon River and the local fauna. And a little bit of myself :)


    I hug and kiss my daughter tightly on the very top of her head.


    Loving dad.¡±


    What wonderful photos those were. Nature is completely different from what I saw looking out the window or going outside. It¡¯s incredible. I promised myself that day that one day I would travel around the world. Maybe not all of it, but those places that are not well explored by man. The rustling of trees always brought me to the right mood. I felt peace being in nature, especially alone. Although I didn¡¯t like loneliness in itself. It was unusual to not communicate with Peter. But he was in no hurry to apologize, although it was just a discussion about the book. I tried many times to figure out what I said wrong and couldn¡¯t find the answer. In the last autumn days, I often sat by the water in a warm coat. I no longer read outside the home. It was already getting cold outside, and it was often raining. I just came to think and dream there.


    ¡°December will come soon,¡± I thought, ¡°and dad will be there again, hugging me and telling me funny stories.¡±


    I missed him very much. I returned home and tried to make pencil sketches. Sometimes it turned out better, sometimes worse, but drawing calmed me down. I lived in hope of a merry Christmas in the comfort of my family, but at the end of November my dad wrote to me¡­


    ¡°Dear daughter!


    I¡¯m very sorry to tell you this news, but I won¡¯t be able to come home for the holidays.


    We don¡¯t meet the plan. They could have sent me home for three days. But I won¡¯t get anything done during this time. I¡¯d rather come in the spring or summer. But remember, this is not a reason to be sad. Daddy loves you. Besides, John will probably come. At least he was going to. I think he¡¯s wiser now, so you won¡¯t be bored. I¡¯m sending you some more photos since you liked the last ones so much. We can find many different photos of interesting places on the Internet. And mine, like many others. But in real life it always looks more juicy and colorful.


    I love my baby. Dad.¡±


    I was upset, but I understood that dad really wouldn¡¯t have managed anything during such a short vacation. Therefore, I restrainedly answered him that I understand everything, because I am no longer little. And it will really be better this way.

 Part 3. Chapter 4.

    Christmas didn¡¯t take long to arrive. The rains stopped and the ground was covered with a barely noticeable layer of snow. And the wind, which kept blowing at people who were planning to take a walk, did not encourage them to be outside, And I spent my evenings at home, reading books or drawings. I was expected to have a week and a half off from studying. I can not say I was too tired, but my teachers clearly wanted to relax and spend time with their families. Mrs. Alice rustled with her grandmother in high spirits, washing the bones of her neighbors and girlfriends.


    ¡°What kind of gossips they are,¡± I thought and once again felt a slight hostility towards these two women, one of whom was still my relative, but did not want to acknowledge me.


    Marie was finishing cleaning our big house for the holidays. And she prepared my brother¡¯s room just in case. After all, he has not yet announced that he will come. I thought it was hard for her alone and offered to help, but she refused. Probably because she received a salary for her work. But I didn¡¯t stay idle. Marco was bustling around in the kitchen, as he always does, while Eila, Claude and I were decorating the house. The festive atmosphere was darkened only by the absence of my dad. Aela also laughed less than usual. Grandmother was indignant, but could not change anything.


    On the evening of the twenty-fourth the door opened and John appeared on the threshold with a suitcase. The grandmother clasped her hands and rushed off to meet her grandson. Hugging him, she asked Marie if everything was ready. She nodded, and Claude carried my brother¡¯s suitcase to his room. The grandmother wanted to immediately take her grandson to her place before the festive feast. But Mrs. Alice said:


    ¡°Mrs. Winnes, excuse me, but the boy only came. He might want to rest. You will have time to talk.¡±


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯re right, Alice. This is me with joy. Of course, dear grandson, rest and change clothes. And join us for our festive dinner.¡±


    After that, everyone left, and I remained sitting on the top step of the main staircase and drawing a sketch. For some reason I wanted to do it at that moment.


    ¡°Hello, John! Long time no see,¡± I smiled politely.


    ¡°Hello, Christina,¡± he walked past, ¡°beautiful sketch, girl,¡± came to me from behind.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± I answered, but the door had already closed.


    ***


    Dinner went well, except for Grandma¡¯s constant questions about John¡¯s studies. I got the feeling that she doesn¡¯t think of him as a person, only as a mechanism for achieving success. Whose success was it supposed to be: his or hers? She is selfish. It seems that her grandson was not particularly happy with all these questions either. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about something more appropriate. About his interests or life in a big city.


    ¡°By the way, what are his real interests? Besides chess and this tinsel that his grandmother instilled in him, spoiling his already difficult character,¡± I thought.


    After a while, everyone began to sigh at grandma¡¯s immaturity and pickiness, because what was happening could no longer be called simple curiosity. More like an interrogation. I stepped on his foot a little under the table. It turned out to be not very simple, because we were sitting opposite each other. I hiddenly showed him with two fingers if he wanted to leave, pretending to wipe my mouth with a napkin. He nodded.


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    ¡°Grandma, I¡¯m sorry, but I¡¯m tired. I have already given you my gift. Can I go?¡±


    I wish I hadn¡¯t said that. My grandmother¡¯s face reflected the arrogance and disdain with which she often spoke to me. She wanted to tell me something unpleasant, but Aela and John stopped her together.


    ¡°Grandma, it¡¯s late. And you shouldn¡¯t stay too long. At your age, healthy sleep is important,¡± and he smiled dazzlingly.


    ¡°Yes, Mrs. Eugena. It¡¯s time for you and Nanny Sophie to rest. John will be staying with us for about a week. He will definitely spend time with you,¡° Aela said.


    ¡°Of course, grandma. I love you,¡± he loudly kissed the elderly woman on the cheek. And she melted.


    ¡°Okay, then good night everyone. Today we sat in the family circle, but guests will still come for the New Year,¡± she turned to me, ¡°And you need to be more restrained, Christina.¡± You are no longer little, but you still can¡¯t learn a simple rule.¡±


    Everyone began to busily clear the table. I also volunteered to help.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± John squeezed my hand lightly, winked and went to his room.


    ***


    Grandma, like a dangerous shark, dragged John into her lair, and we hardly communicated in the next couple of days. But the night before, Peter wrote to me.


    ¡°Hello Chris!


    Sorry I haven¡¯t written for so long. I¡¯m having some difficulties. Now I have decided everything and came to my parents. We will come to you for the New Year, as usual. And I would like to take a little walk with you on New Year¡¯s Eve after the feast. What do you think?¡±


    ¡°Hi, Peter.


    I don¡¯t even know, the offer is tempting. Only my grandmother won¡¯t let me go at night, probably. Let¡¯s take John with us too.¡±


    ¡° I don¡¯t even know. Okay, we¡¯ll figure something out. Did you miss me at least a little while I was away?..¡±


    ¡°Umm... This is an unexpected question. Of course I missed you. You are my best friend.¡±


    ¡°Okay, see you soon. Looking forward to our meeting.¡±


    This was indeed a strange question. But I decided not to think about it. Maybe he just hasn¡¯t seen me for a long time, that¡¯s why he asked. We¡¯ve been communicating for so long.


    ¡°Dear daddy!


    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! You may be far, far away now, but I still love you. Relax there with friends and light a sparkler, like we did a year ago. Have you stocked up on tangerines? After all, they smell so delicious.


    Everything is great with us. John arrived, and he¡¯s even trying to be polite to me, can you imagine? It looks like he really has matured a little. Eila is a little sad. She can be understood. I think she likes you too¡­


    Yes, yes, your daughter is already big and she saw how you look at the new housekeeper :-)


    I¡¯m happy for you. We have all gone through difficult times, but we must move on. And I want you to be happy. Then I will be happy too.


    I kiss you deeply. Your not-so-little daughter.¡±


    ***


    Yesterday it was a little cold, but it was perfect weather for walking. I prepared a jacket just in case grandma did let me go. had big doubts about this. I offered it to John, but he refused. He preferred to be glued to the phone he brought with him.


    ¡°It¡¯s a pity that I don¡¯t have this. Convenient thing,¡± I thought.


    But I had a laptop, and that suited me. I could still communicate with whoever I needed, look for photos with ideas for my works, listen to songs and sometimes watch movies. This was more than enough. While watching films, I could relax and immerse myself in a parallel reality with superheroes, magic and other things that are so atypical for us.


    Peter arrived a little earlier than his parents. Aela asked me to come down and meet him. I ran down the stairs. Peter had already taken off his coat and boots.


    ¡°Hello¡­¡± he said with some embarrassment or something, ¡°...you love flowers. This is for you¡­¡±


    He handed me a pot of cyclamen with petals that were pale pink in the middle and crimson at the edges. The flower looked very delicate. Peter made the right choice.


    ¡°Thank you. It is beautiful,¡± I answered with a smile.


    I wanted to hug my friend, but I was uncomfortable with the pot in my hands. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I was a little surprised.


    ¡°I need to take the flower to my place. Go to the restroom, I¡¯ll be right there too. Everything is just being prepared for the feast in the hall. I will also help a little later, but I have half an hour of free time to talk. We haven¡¯t seen each other for a very long time.¡±

 Part 3. Chapter 5.

    I woke up around noon. I really didn¡¯t want to get up, I still had a couple of hours before lunch. I decided to just lie in bed for another half hour and think about what happened the day before. Peter has been my friend for seven years. Why did this have to change now? I didn¡¯t want to change anything. But this could hardly remain in the same state.


    Yesterday we were left to ourselves for a short time before the holiday and went to the restroom, where we loved to spend time with the twins, the granddaughters of one of our grandmother¡¯s friends. Then Peter often sat in a bean bag chair in the corner and read books, not paying attention to us. Now we have come there again to remember the old days. Isat down in that same chair, and Peter went to the window. He wanted to talk to me. First cyclamen, now conversation. All this really bothered me.


    ¡°I¡¯ve known you for years, but lately you¡¯ve become more than just a friend to me. I asked myself many times, maybe I was imagining something for myself. When you sent me a message by email, I was very happy. We haven¡¯t seen each other often in recent years. And not only because of my studies away from home. I just wanted to figure myself out, and I think I finally figured it out. I don¡¯t want to demand anything from you, but you are very important to me, and I would be happy to move to the next level of relationship.¡±


    I wanted to object, but he turned around, came closer and put his finger to my lips.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to rush you, just think and give an answer when you¡¯re ready. Until then, I won¡¯t bother you, and yet I can¡¯t help myself, I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    He took my hand and I stood up. We often hugged before. But now he paused, and then leaned down and lightly touched my lips with his.


    ¡°Sorry, I couldn¡¯t resist¡­¡±


    With these words Peter left. He had to say hello to John, although he had no particular liking for my brother. I could still smell the subtle scent of men¡¯s perfume after his hug. I hurried to get dressed for the feast to put all thoughts aside for later. I just didn¡¯t want to think about it before Christmas.


    ***


    I was still lying in bed. I wrapped myself in the blanket tighter. But not from the cold. I just couldn¡¯t wrap my head around the fact that our friendship was over.


    ¡°No no no. I just dreamed it. I felt comfortable with this guy... Although yes, he is already twenty-one years old. Maybe he just thinks differently now. What to do?¡± - flashed through my head.


    ¡°How come I didn¡¯t think of this right away?!¡±


    I jumped up, turned on the laptop, and waited for it to boot. Dad can probably help.


    ¡°Merry Christmas, daddy!


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    I know you¡¯re probably celebrating on the other side of the world, but I need to share my thoughts with you. Something happened. Yesterday Peter came and gave me a flower. It seems that he is asking me to date, and I don¡¯t even know what to answer him. He doesn¡¯t rush me, but that doesn¡¯t make me any happier. We¡¯ve been friends for so many years. We were just talking. Whether I refuse or agree, nothing will ever be the same as before? What am I supposed to do?¡±


    I got up, washed, got dressed and went down to dinner.


    ¡°Hello Aela, how did you sleep?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, Chris. But I wouldn¡¯t refuse to continue. And you?¡±


    ¡°And I surprisingly slept well. I just lay there in bed for a while.¡±


    ¡°Someone is lucky, I see,¡± she smiled at me and continued laying out the cutlery.


    ***


    ¡°Hello, sunshine!


    I can¡¯t say that this is unexpected for me. I think sooner or later this could happen. You are of different genders, and he may well be attracted to you. Of course, you can try if you want, but think carefully. Peter is a decent young man. I think he can keep himself within the bounds of decency. After all, your age difference is not the smallest. And you should be careful. The main thing is, if it doesn¡¯t work out, don¡¯t blame yourself for it. People are all different, and when they are together or apart is normal. It¡¯s just life. You¡¯ll always be Daddy¡¯s baby, but experience is great too. Especially when it isn¡¯t sad.


    I hug my daughter tightly.¡±


    It was probably really worth a try. If I had refused, communication could have ended completely. But he was my best friend, and I didn¡¯t want to lose him. So, I decided to agree, because at least we could continue to communicate, albeit a little differently. I decided to write Peter a letter by email, out of old habit. It was easier for me this way, although I still didn¡¯t feel too comfortable with this proposal in general.


    ¡°Hello.


    If you want to see our relationship in a new format, this is possible. But for me this is unexpected and therefore not too easy. I¡¯m used to the fact that you and I are friends, that we communicate, and I can ask you for advice. There is only one person who is closer to me than you - my dad. Thanks to him, I agree to date you. But if we don¡¯t succeed, please don¡¯t blame yourself or me for it. We are just trying something in this life.¡±


    The next day Peter asked me out on a date. If this, of course, could be called a date. It was terribly awkward for me to walk holding his hand. I looked around, worried that someone we knew would see us. But then he invited me to go visit him and his family. We drank delicious tea with rose petals and ate sponge cake that Mrs. Wilson baked. Mr. Wilson grinned as he looked at us. It seems he knew something. I was confused. But Peter¡¯s parents were so kind to me that I quickly calmed down. And then we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. In general, the evening passed comfortably. Only when I returned home, my grandmother was unhappy that I was late. But Eila came to my aid and assured my grandmother that it was the Wilsons who invited me to visit, and furtively winked at me. Grandmother grumbled something and went to her room.


    ¡°Thank you, Aela¡­¡± I nodded to her gratefully, ¡°...but it¡¯s true, Peter called me home, and we ate cake and tea. So it¡¯s okay. you didn¡¯t even have to lie.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m always happy to help,¡± she responded, flashing her snow-white teeth in response.


    I sat down near the window and looked out of it. Wet snow fell heavily to the ground.


    ¡°Not the best weather¡­¡± I thought, ¡°...It¡¯s good that I¡¯m already home. And the evening turned out to be pleasant. Maybe it¡¯s not so bad.¡±


    Peter kissed me goodbye on the cheek as I got into his dad¡¯s car to drive me home. Mr. Wilson and I hardly spoke. In parting, he smiled, patted me on the head and said:


    ¡°There¡¯s always a first time for everything. In any case, I¡¯m glad.¡±

 Part 3. Chapter 6.

    A few days later, when the holidays were almost over, John and I were sitting and drinking tea. I can¡¯t say that our relations have improved much. But he began to show himself a little more tolerant of me, and I was pleased with such changes in him, because as a child I experienced a lot of humiliation and neglect from him. But we were still family and we needed to get along. Therefore, I tried not to mention anything, although, of course, I was unable to forget. My brother and I never talked about anything serious. And it wasn¡¯t a matter of age gap at all. I just preferred to live in the present, but I couldn¡¯t look into his head and understand his attitude towards me. And this time we were laconic, sometimes exchanging meaningless phrases. Before we had time to finish our tea, Eila told John that his grandmother was calling him. John put down his cup, rolled his eyes and walked out, leaving me in splendid isolation. I approached our cook and asked him for another tartlet with cream. Marco¡¯s culinary skills had no equal. The cream instantly melted in my mouth, so delicious it was. To my happy exclamations, the cook grinned into his mustache. After that, taking a glass of lemonade with me, I was going to go up to my room and read something (lately I¡¯ve been too busy with studying and painting). Walking past grandma¡¯s door, I heard John¡¯s dissatisfied voice:


    ¡°But I don¡¯t love her!¡±


    This made me stop. Actually, I¡¯ve never eavesdropped, but this phrase intrigued me. I couldn¡¯t explain to myself why I did it, but I moved closer and tried to hear more.


    ¡°Is she a bad girl? People do not always marry for love.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m nineteen, grandma, only nineteen. I want to at least finish my studies.¡±


    ¡°Agnia and I have known each other for a long time. And Mabel, you saw her. She is very sophisticated, and what manners! The child of such ladies cannot be a bad match for my grandson,¡± the grandmother continued, not paying attention to my brother¡¯s attack.


    ¡°What if I love another girl?!¡±


    ¡°For the sake of your family, you have to do this. Everyone will be better off. And you too. I married the man my father gave me away as. And I didn¡¯t regret it. Your grandfather Nicholas was a wonderful person, it¡¯s just a pity that he died early¡­¡±


    ¡°Get me out of this!¡±


    ¡°I believe that you and Amber will be an ideal couple, and love will come with time. Besides, you have known each other for a long time.¡±


    I froze and was afraid to move. My heart thudded against the walls. I knew that eavesdropping was bad, they told me this since childhood, but I couldn¡¯t tear myself away. Something important was happening behind the door, namely, the grandmother wanted to bring Amber into this house. It¡¯s not that I felt hatred. Of course not! But I remember her as a capricious girl who talks people into doing pranks, and then hides behind someone else¡¯s back and smiles, happy that everything was a success. And now she was about to appear again. Of course, we wouldn¡¯t have to see each other often, but I still didn¡¯t want to.


    The door opened and John quickly walked out of the house. Along the way, he cursed irritably, without mincing words. He didn¡¯t notice me. I exhaled and was about to leave as quietly as possible, but then I heard a loud voice above my head:


    ¡°Who do we have here?! Christina!¡±


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    She unceremoniously grabbed my ear. I tried not to show that I was in pain, but she began to twist my ear, and then tears flowed from my eyes. But I still tried to hold on and tried not to spill the lemonade, and tried to wriggle out, keeping the glass in balance.


    ¡°You decided to eavesdrop. Didn¡¯t I teach you that it¡¯s so bad? You don¡¯t listen to anything at all!!!¡±


    Aela came running at the noise.


    ¡±What¡¯s going on, Mrs. Winnes?¡± she asked scared.


    Grandma let go of my ear and pushed me. I sank to my knees. Aela managed to catch me in time, the glass still fell on the parquet and splashed.


    ¡°You are a slob!¡± Grandmother said disgustedly, ¡°Take this obnoxious girl, and no dinner today. Let her think about her behavior!¡± She turned to Aela.


    With these words, she slowly turned around and left, closing the door to her room as if nothing had happened. Aela shook her head sadly and helped me up.


    ¡°Go to your room, I¡¯ll ask Marie to clean up here. And I¡¯ll bring you new lemonade.¡±


    I nodded to her and, without saying anything, ran upstairs to the room, fell on the bed, and cried for about 20 minutes, burying my face in the pillow, until Eila came with a new glass of lemonade.


    ¡°What did I do to her?¡± I asked her through tears.


    She stroked my head:


    ¡°Of course, you did wrong by listening to someone else¡¯s conversation, but she was also wrong to do this to you. I don¡¯t know why she does this, baby, but you need to rest now,¡± she said.


    ¡°Do you want me to bring you a blanket? Cover yourself and it will immediately become more comfortable and easier. I¡¯ll call your brother. I don¡¯t understand where he went.¡±


    I pulled her sleeve:


    ¡°Wait, it seems his grandmother wants to marry him to one of our mutual friends.¡±


    Aela stopped.


    ¡°And how did he react?¡±


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t want to follow it.¡±


    ¡° Is she good?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure,¡± I answered.


    ¡°But you said you know each other?¡± Aela arched an eyebrow.


    ¡°Yes, but we weren¡¯t friends a few years ago. I don¡¯t know if she has changed now. I only know that they were friends with my brother. Do not think about it. I¡¯m also surprised.¡±


    ¡°John has matured a little, and may have changed his mind about this girl.¡± Aela stroked my head again, ¡°This happens. But I¡¯ll still call him.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell him anything,¡± I folded my hands pleadingly, ¡°we¡¯re still not on the best terms, he¡¯ll be angry if he finds out.¡±


    ¡°Of course honey.¡± She winked at me and left.


    When I calmed down a little, carefully covered with a blanket, I decided to sit down at the table and think about what I heard. I never had to get used to my brother¡¯s temper. But for some reason I really didn¡¯t want to upset him even more. Amber was sometimes an insufferable mess, but I always remembered them together. §¦hey even set my dress on fire together. Why doesn¡¯t he want to date her now? They would make a good match, both of them a little nasty by nature.


    ¡°You can¡¯t say that, even to yourself,¡± I thought, and playfully hit myself on the lips twice. But for some reason I felt happy. I curled up under the blanket and didn¡¯t notice how I fell asleep.


    ***


    The next day, when I woke up and, stretching, left the room, I saw that the door to John¡¯s room was open. Rubbing my eyes, I came closer and saw Aela. She was packing the suitcase that my brother arrived with.


    ¡°Good morning. Is he leaving?¡± I asked, nodding towards the suitcase.


    ¡°Yes. Your grandmother doesn¡¯t know yet. I think she will be unhappy.¡±


    ¡°I agree...¡± I came closer, ¡°...but she is always unhappy,¡± I said almost in a whisper, although she could not hear me from her room on the first floor.


    Aela ruffled my disheveled braids.


    ¡°I¡¯ll wash up, then I¡¯ll come for breakfast. Do you know what Marco is doing today?¡±


    ¡°Does it matter?¡± Eila arched her eyebrow, smiling ironically. ¡°You already eat everything he offers.¡±


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯re right.¡±


    I went to the bathroom at the end of the corridor, opened the door and was about to go in, but I covered my mouth with my hands so as not to scream. John was shaving, but he was only in pajama pants, and his shirt was lost somewhere. He turned around and looked at me questioningly.


    ¡°The door needs to be closed,¡± I squeaked, ¡°I¡¯ll wait outside,¡± and jumped out.


    I inhaled and exhaled several times to calm myself. My heart was beating faster again.


    ¡°Probably out of fear,¡± I thought.

 Part 3. Chapter 7.

    Six months have passed. Grandma was extremely unhappy that John ran away. If she wanted something, she believed that no one had the right to refuse for her. After all, she is the eldest, and her descendants should respect her. She did not stand on ceremony with me, as always. I really wanted to know why she treated me this way, but I never dared to ask her this question. Over the years she became even more harmful. And I definitely didn¡¯t want to get a slap on the head or something worse. And I preferred to remain silent when she read morals to me, or not to be seen at all, so that there would be no reason to scold me.


    My paintings confidently took prizes at competitions, probably due to my unusual style. The art teacher was delighted and predicted a great future for me. And I would be glad. I wanted to leave this heavy, stuffy house, where, despite the kindness of the domestic workers, the presence of my grandmother did not make me feel comfortable. Peter and I corresponded regularly. He began to visit his family more often and outwardly looked happy. I¡¯ve known him for a long time, but I¡¯ve never seen him so happy. He always brought me flowers or some nice little things. I invariably kissed him on the cheek for this, and sometimes on the lips, but more often jokingly. And I was feeling that he was freezing, apparently afraid to disturb this moment. I rather did it because I had to, I didn¡¯t have any of the feelings that they write about in books, and my heart remained in place at the sight of him. Probably all people dream of such regularity, but our relationship seemed to me somehow forced and empty. Although I don¡¯t think Peter thought so.


    Dad was supposed to come in the summer. In the latest letter, he told me that he would soon come on vacation. And this will also be the last year when he will leave us, after which he will go on a long vacation or look for another job. He worked so hard that he missed one child growing up, and now he will miss the second one if he doesn¡¯t stop working. I was extremely pleased with this statement. Yes, I¡¯m used to him not being there. But sometimes I felt very sad without him. Although I think it wasn¡¯t entirely about me. Waiting for him at home was a red-haired beast with freckles on her face, looking more like a girl than an adult woman. A smile played on her lips almost always. Any man would like this.


    ¡°Dear daddy!


    I¡¯m terribly glad to hear that next year we will be together. Your daughter hugs you tightly, do you feel it? I¡¯m afraid I¡¯ve grown up earlier than you¡¯d like, but I always want you by my side.


    I¡¯ll be waiting. Kiss¡±


    ¡°Chris, I¡¯ll be a little late. I came to your brother, and there was a surprise waiting for me. I don¡¯t know whether it¡¯s good or bad, but it seems your grandmother decided that she knows better what her grandson needs.


    To be honest, I¡¯m shocked.¡±


    ¡°Amber, huh?¡±


    ¡°How did you know that?¡±


    I¡¯m sure at that moment dad frowned thoughtfully.


    ¡°I heard it by chance. Grandma wanted them to be together. John didn¡¯t seem too happy.¡±


    ¡°Hmm. Not happy, you say. Looks like he¡¯s normal. A little more polite, but he looks quite ordinary. I don¡¯t really understand what motivated both grandmothers. But we¡¯ll see what comes of it.¡±


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    ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re okay there? Mrs. Mabel didn¡¯t behave well...¡±


    I didn¡¯t like Mabel. The daughter could well take after her character, as she showed it in childhood. And I didn¡¯t like that this family was getting closer now. I had nothing against Grandma Agnia, but my grandmother¡¯s persistence surprised me. It seems that Dad and Mrs. Mabel were friends in childhood, but then things didn¡¯t work out for them. Probably my grandmother decided to unite the families at all costs. If not children, then at least grandchildren.


    ¡°She¡¯s still trying to impose herself. But I¡¯ll get over it. Her husband left her a long time ago. She has a complex character. Don¡¯t worry, she¡¯s not my type.¡±


    ¡°I hope so. Otherwise, my mother¡¯s death would have been in vain...¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re right. But don¡¯t worry, I remember everything. I don¡¯t really like the idea of my mother and your grandmother. But only time will tell whether Amber grew up to be like her mother or her father. As a child, she was a naughty child. Now she behaves more reservedly. But I¡¯m still watching.


    We will come to you all together soon. I have already notified our family what needs to be prepared for our arrival. We¡¯ll be home in a couple of days.


    I kiss my smart, talented daughter.¡±


    Well, there wasn¡¯t long to wait.


    ***


    The day was approaching evening. The sun played in the treetops, sometimes illuminating the bench on which I was sitting. The brim of the hat provided shade for my face. A new July sketch was emerging in my album. Birds hid in the foliage and filled our not very cheerful estate with ringing songs. It seemed that I could sit forever, enjoying the sounds of nature and focusing on what brought peace and distracted me from everyday life. Aela pulled me out of my thoughts.


    ¡°Miss, they¡¯ve arrived,¡± she exclaimed.


    I perked up.


    ¡°Does Dad too?¡±


    ¡°Certainly.¡±


    ¡°I want to meet him. Can you bring my album home?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said and, taking the album from me, headed towards the house.


    I ran, holding my hat with my hands.


    ¡°Daddy! Daddy!¡±


    I threw myself on his neck when he was about to enter the house.


    ¡°I recognize my daughter!¡± Dad, laughing, kissed me on the cheek.


    When I let go of him, I looked towards the car. I saw my brother and the girl next to him. She was slightly shorter than John, blonde. Her hair was no longer as curly as when she was a child, but now it flowed over her shoulders in soft waves.


    ¡°Nice figure,¡± I thought to myself, and looking at my flat body, I was upset, ¡°I wish I had a figure like that. Surely a third breast size, no less, guys love that.¡±


    Amber was wearing a tight T-shirt and skinny jeans, which made her look even curvier. I remembered everything that happened to me as a child, and now I didn¡¯t know how to relate to her. Dad¡¯s laugh brought me back to reality.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be jealous, you¡¯re my most beautiful. I¡¯m sure Peter likes it that way. Besides, you will grow up and become even more beautiful.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m already an adult, I¡¯m almost fifteen,¡± I told my dad. He patted me on the head.


    ¡°Women grow up to twenty years old.You have another five years ahead. Besides, you will always be small for me.¡±


    ¡°Well, Da-ad,¡± I whined.¡°Let¡¯s go to the house, grandma is waiting for us. Guys, hurry up¡­¡± the father called out to John and Amber, ¡°...Claude, please help them with their bags,¡± he shook hands with the gardener who came out to meet them.


    ¡°Of course, Mister Jack. Glad to see you,¡± Claude smiled and went to the car.


    In the evening I lay in bed, covered with a light summer blanket and thought. Usually the time to think about something personal was only before bed. So I devoted this time to thoughts with which I fell asleep. Dad said that Peter likes me the way I am. And looking at him, it was obvious. He treated me with tenderness, like a fragile vase. But for some reason it didn¡¯t grab me. Besides, we looked strange. His height was almost one meter ninety, he was thin, which made him seem even taller. And I was a little over one and a half meters tall, and looked like a child next to him. But I had no doubt about his feelings for me.


    ¡°Does it have to be this way?¡± - I thought.


    ¡°Is that what love is? It¡¯s completely different in the books. Or maybe this will change and we need a little more time?¡±

 Part 3. Chapter 8.

    My dad is the smartest man I know. Peter, of course, is also smart, but dad knows the answers to all the questions and can solve anything. So, our dad decided to talk to my brother, because according to him, John was not in the mood to talk to him about anything serious before arriving home and was avoiding him and Amber¡¯s family too. Maybe he thought that dad was involved in this decision? The misunderstanding needed to be resolved as soon as possible.


    ¡°Daddy, can¡¯t I find out what you¡¯re going to talk about?¡±


    ¡°No, daughter. I love you, but this is our man¡¯s conversation, and you will be superfluous. You and I have secrets from John, why can¡¯t we have secrets with him?¡±


    He patted me on the head, affectionately, as always:


    ¡°You can go shopping with Aela. I already gave her money.¡±


    ¡°But dad!¡± ¡ª I exclaimed indignantly, ¡°I don¡¯t like shops. It¡¯s always long.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, honey, but you¡¯re growing. And no matter how many clothes you have, you grow out of them. Buy something new for dad, okay?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I muttered.


    ¡°Well, fine. Hurry up!¡± He said with a smile.


    There was no choice left. Of course, I liked Aela, but I didn¡¯t like shopping. I didn¡¯t really like going out into the city at all. It was always lively there, cars were noisy, people were running somewhere. And the buzz coming from the taverns and pubs gave me a headache. I didn¡¯t like our big house because it was heavy and a little gloomy, but at home I could communicate with the people I was used to. I could always sit under the trees and listen to the soothing rustling of leaves, read books, sketch ideas out of my head. Or just walk through the forest to the park and listen to the birds and watch the occasional squirrels run by. And then I felt comfortable. Admittedly, I was a little savage and most people wouldn¡¯t understand me. But they didn¡¯t interest me.


    ¡°And yet, Peter loves me,¡± flashed through my head.


    What about Peter? Yes, he loved me, and even very much. But he could not boast of sociability himself. He is smart, I would even say handsome, but somehow... ordinary.


    ¡°Chris, we have to go!¡± ¡ª Aela poked her head into the room, opening the door slightly, ¡°You¡¯re kind of sour. Soon it will be possible to squeeze fresh juice out of you. What¡¯s happened?¡±


    ¡°I was just thinking,¡± I answered.


    And this was the absolute truth. I really didn¡¯t want to go, but I promised dad. I sighed and looked away from the window.


    ¡°Only for a little while,¡± I begged.


    ¡°That¡¯s OK.¡±


    She smiled, as always, and it seemed to me that the freckles on her cheeks began to dance.


    ¡°How cute she is,¡± I thought.


    We bought me a dress of deep emerald color. I really wanted earrings to go with it, but my ears weren¡¯t pierced yet. Dad promised to take me to the salon on my fifteenth birthday. There was not long to wait. I looked up from the display with alluring gems and went to buy myself jeans and a shirt. There weren¡¯t too many of these things in my wardrobe. At first, because my parents sewed clothes to order and wanted to see me as a little princess, and then I developed complexes. I was not fat, but not too thin either, and I was not tall. My breasts have recently started to grow, and I definitely shouldn¡¯t expect any roundness like Amber¡¯s.


    ***


    In the evening I could not sit still. I wanted to get some fresh air, and before it got completely dark, I decided to walk around the house. John did not come out for dinner, citing a headache, and grandmother showed Amber all sorts of attention. It looked extraordinary. I would say it was so unctuously that it seemed false to me, and maybe not only to me. Dad also winked at me sarcastically. I was sick of it. Even Amber was more embarrassed than usual, and I felt a little sorry for her. I left the table without waiting for the end of the performance. Dad nodded understandingly. Grandma muttered something after me, but I had no time for her. I returned to the room and collapsed on the bed. I needed a break from this nightmare. I woke up a couple of hours later and needed to freshen up.


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    I walked along the alley behind the house, then decided to sit by the pond in front of the house. And I was just about to sit down when I heard a quiet dialogue. I became quiet.


    ¡°It¡¯s not my fault that someone chose this same place. I just want to relax,¡± I decided.


    There was silence for a while, and then the conversation became quieter, and I could only hear fragments.


    ¡°You said... your grandmother... left me¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh God, a sweet couple are here,¡± it dawned on me.


    ¡°... obliged?... Not interesting¡­¡±


    I cautiously moved a little closer. It seems they were quarreling.


    ¡°What, so fast? They barely started dating? Peter and I don¡¯t fight. Is this even normal?¡± - I thought.


    ¡°I try to do everything for you. I even try to please your grandmother, although you know that I don¡¯t like her very much. I¡¯m trying to have a dialogue with your father, and it¡¯s not my fault that my mother doesn¡¯t get along with him. Finally, even though this should be an arranged marriage, I like you. Maybe I even love you. Do you feel it?¡±


    A short pause, and John¡¯s dissatisfied voice:


    ¡°How stupid you are! We were friends as children, and nothing has changed now. No matter who told you this nonsense, there will be no marriage, you¡¯re not even 18 yet!¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡±


    I looked out a little. The moon was shining. But I let my guard down a little. I became interested. Amber grabbed his hand.


    ¡°Please wait. Just once. I really want this,¡± she begged.


    ¡°What does she want?¡± - flashed through my head.


    ¡°One¡­¡±


    ¡°One,¡± John grinned, ¡°well, if you insist¡­¡±


    He leaned slightly towards her. His lips touched hers, she pressed herself against him...


    ¡°So this is how it should be,¡± I thought.


    There was a slight groan from her side. It was John who lightly stroked and squeezed her breasts.


    ¡°More...¡± she breathed.


    I hurried to escape as quietly as possible. How many times have I been told that eavesdropping is bad?


    ¡°But this didn¡¯t happen on purpose,¡± I mentally said to myself. I ran home. Due to the cluster of bushes near the pond, I could not be seen. I took a breath. Suddenly Amber ran past me, sniffling. I barely had time to press myself against the wall of the house in the shadows. But she didn¡¯t notice me. I went around the house and was going to go in from the back, but the door was locked.


    ¡°We¡¯ll have to wait a little,¡± I decided. It was completely dark. I walked along the alley and pressed myself against one of the trees.


    ¡°She seemed to like it at first¡­ Peter never did that way. But for me he is a good friend or a little closer. We seem to be dating. Maybe I should propose to him. On the other hand, if my breasts were bigger¡­ What am I thinking about again ?! It¡¯s bad to be jealous! But why was she upset?¡±


    After standing like that for about 10 minutes, I moved towards the house, and was about to open the door, but then someone pressed me to the wall by the throat. I screamed clunky.


    ¡°Do you want me to do the same for you? Might you like it too?¡± The man burst into a prickly, nervous laugh.


    I froze. John finally noticed me. I¡¯m such a fool!


    ¡°Did you really think that I wouldn¡¯t see anything?¡±


    ¡°Let me go,¡± I whispered, barely audible.


    ¡°I hate it when you eavesdrop! You¡¯ve been told this since childhood. I¡¯m not your lanky smartass!¡±


    He pressed himself closer to me.


    ¡°I¡¯m your sister,¡± I tried to slip out of his grip.


    ¡°Tell me where, here,¡± he pointed to my lips, ¡°here,¡± on my neck, ¡°or maybe here?¡± - on the chest.


    He pulled back the collar of my dress a little.


    ¡°Oh, I forgot, it¡¯s too flat there. You¡¯re complex, aren¡¯t you? My daughter is the best,¡± he mimicked his dad, ¡°And when did he take care of me? Always Christina, Christina, and Christina again! How is my daughter doing? And I was left to be raised by my grandmother, who tried to make me as smart as the lanky one. Whatever his name is, Piper, I think. I always tried to please her, and now instead of the freedom of a bachelor, she forces me to marry this empty-headed girl?!¡±


    ¡°But dad¡­¡± I tried to object.


    He roughly pushed me against the wall with his full weight.


    ¡°Just tell me where, it won¡¯t hurt,¡± he continued.


    I was ready to pray to all the gods so that he would not mock me now. I became very scared. My legs buckled, and only his bulldog grip kept me from falling.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll choose it myself,¡± he decided.


    With one hand he pressed down to squeeze my ass. The other swiped a little casually across my lips.


    ¡°Probably here,¡± he hissed, and immediately stuck his tongue into my mouth. It was unpleasant for me, but I couldn¡¯t move, he blocked me. I closed my eyes and decided to just wait. He didn¡¯t hesitate to touch me. The seconds passed too slowly. He removed his tongue, but still kissed me. And I, to my shame, began to answer him, somewhat ineptly, but still. His lips were demanding, but warm. I began to sink into this feeling, when suddenly he let me go.


    ¡°You see, it¡¯s not scary at all. You haven¡¯t tried that yet. I forgot, you¡¯re too small. Oops, sorry miss,¡± he said mockingly.


    I didn¡¯t even notice how my now free hand slapped him in the face. In the silence of the night it sounded too loud. He swore dirtily in surprise and said to me:


    ¡°Curiosity is punishable. I would never do this to my sister. You will still answer me for everything.¡±


    He left, and I slid down the wall. Not his sister? What did he say? How could my brother say that? I will never forgive him now. And yet, I liked it, I liked this feeling. What a fool I am!


    After some time, I got up and, staggering, made my way into the sleepy house. Only from one room there was barely light leaking from the bottom of the door, but did I care? I made my way to my room, threw myself under the covers and cried almost all night. I felt sad and very lonely. What did I do to him?! Only when dawn broke did I doze off.


    But I didn¡¯t know then that every single one of my sobs was heard by one person. And he was in pain too.

 Part 3. Chapter 9.

    Soon my brother left. Could I call him brother after that? I don¡¯t know. Dad took me to the salon, as he promised. My ears had already healed, and he gave me my first emerald earrings. Amber returned to her studies. Dad told me he appreciated her efforts. And if she wins the heart of his son, then there will be a wedding. Although he still had reasonable doubts about this. John, in a personal conversation with Dad, said that he was completely uninterested in Amber. He even hinted that he liked someone else, but didn¡¯t say who. But what difference does it make to me? I¡¯m just his little sister.


    ¡°I would never do that to my sister!¡± This phrase constantly sounded in my ears. But I was embarrassed to ask anyone about it. We grew up together, and no one ever even mentioned it. Then why did he say that? I should have asked him about it himself, but I couldn¡¯t. First of all, he left too quickly and didn¡¯t tell anyone. I just told my dad that he no longer wanted to be a part of the play. The grandmother was extremely unhappy with him and tried to persuade Amber to stay, but she still returned to her parents.


    ¡°Grandmother Eugena, don¡¯t you see how he treats me?!¡± - she said indignantly and at the same time pitifully.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, dear, he¡¯ll come to his senses. He¡¯s just a stubborn boy. But he must obey his grandmother. If you like him, then you will be happy. He¡¯ll love you, you¡¯ll see.¡±


    ¡°It seems you really don¡¯t understand¡­¡±


    John would not be John if he did not do as he wanted at the moment. That¡¯s why we don¡¯t know anything about him for two months. I thought about that kiss, replayed it in my head many times and condemned myself for liking it. Peter returned to his studies. I didn¡¯t tell him about that incident. First of all, I was ashamed. Secondly, I was simply afraid that he would judge me or go to sort things out. And we never know how it will end. Both options were unacceptable to me. Of course, I tried several times to kiss Peter in the same manner. But I didn¡¯t experience anything unusual. I didn¡¯t care, the strings of my soul remained in place. Peter was too gentle for that. He was afraid to offend me even with a word. And John could use some manners. But there was something in his rudeness. And I liked it.


    ¡°Stop doing that! He¡¯s your brother. Even if he doesn¡¯t like a busty blonde, there are plenty of girls who won¡¯t turn him down and who will impress him. Don¡¯t you dare think like that!¡±


    I slapped myself on the cheek and winced. I miscalculated the power a bit. I tried to throw away unnecessary thoughts, took the album and went to draw in the greenhouse. This calmed me down the best. But this time it didn¡¯t work. I thought about him again.


    ¡°What color are his eyes? I¡¯ve never looked at them¡­ Oh, that¡¯s it, get this nonsense out of your head, girl! You are about fifteen, he will be twenty soon. With Peter the difference is greater, of course, but Peter is different.¡±


    I shook my head.


    ¡°Please stop it, finally!!!¡±


    ***


    A few months later, when the snow had already begun to melt and the first snowdrops appeared from the ground, Amber came to visit again. Or rather, she accompanied grandmother Agnia. The latter came to visit an old friend. They haven¡¯t seen each other for several years. Grandma Agnia looked almost as good, still younger than her age, but new wrinkles appeared on her face. She was smiling as before. She stroked my cheek.


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    ¡°You are very cute, Christina,¡± she said, looking at me, ¡°how is your dad?¡±


    ¡°Dad¡¯s okay,¡± I said.


    ¡°Mabel told me that he¡¯ll be home next year? You were probably bored without him?¡±


    ¡°Certainly. I love him very much,¡± I smiled.


    ¡°This is good.¡±


    She walked towards the living room.


    ¡°Where is John?¡± she asked.


    ¡°My brother? Should he have come?¡± ¡ª I was surprised.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I just asked. Eugena said he should.¡±


    ¡°No, he is studying.¡±


    ¡°I also thought, why should he? But since my granddaughter has arrived, he might as well visit us all for a couple of days.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll ask dad,¡± I said, and left them alone.


    It turns out that my grandmother wrote a letter to John and told him to come urgently, but he said he was busy and didn¡¯t come. It¡¯s for the better. I wasn¡¯t ready to see him. (Will I ever be?) Amber was devastated. The grandmothers only talked about the upcoming wedding, and decided that their grandchildren should get married in a year, in the summer. John would have completed his bachelor¡¯s degree and Amber would have turned 19 and was ready to become a homemaker. And the girl had to be present at all conversations between the two matrons. I sympathized with her. I decided to talk to her.


    ¡°Do you want to take a walk?¡± I asked her.


    ¡°With whom? With you? What should I talk to you about? With a little girl who draws flowers while sitting among the flowers? Don¡¯t you have anything else to do? It seems like this... And now I have a lot to do...¡± She said the last phrase dejectedly.


    ¡°No, not with me. I know that you don¡¯t like me enough.¡±


    ¡°Then with whom?¡±


    ¡°You will find out if you agree.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have any friends,¡± she snorted.


    And yet she went to the meeting. Probably because she was completely sick of being at home. I really couldn¡¯t boast of having many friends, but I had one. And for me he was still my closest friend. I thought that a smart, level-headed guy could calm her down. At least she¡¯ll be distracted. In addition, I was busy preparing for the competition and could not keep Peter company in the coming days. Peter was going to graduate school next year, but for now he was free and helping his parents with business, so he had enough free time.


    Amber, as I expected, no longer looked like a citrus when she returned home and even smiled faintly. She, of course, did not thank me, but I was not offended. I tried to understand her.


    ***


    John never arrived. My grandmother was negative all these days. Grandmother Agnia once asked her directly:


    ¡°Eugena! When people love each other, they rush to their soulmate at the first opportunity. John almost never visited us, and he hasn¡¯t come now. Are you sure that what we are doing makes sense? I¡¯m not sure their feelings are mutual.¡±


    My grandmother just waved her hand with displeasure and said:


    ¡°I just didn¡¯t raise him well, and he¡¯s stubborn. But it will pass. Let¡¯s wait a little. It¡¯s impossible not to love your granddaughter!¡±


    I chuckled to myself. Yes, grandma always thinks that she can decide for everyone. But that doesn¡¯t happen.


    ¡°Dad, how are things with John?¡± I asked in the evening.


    ¡°He¡¯s doing great,¡± the father smiled, ¡°we were just talking this morning. He studies, and quite well, as always.¡±


    ¡°And he¡¯s not going home?¡±


    ¡°Why are you interested in this?¡±


    ¡°The grannies were just talking today. Our grandmother seems to have already decided everything for him.¡±


    Dad laughed and ruffled my hair. Today my hair was tied up with a ribbon in the middle of my ponytail.


    ¡°My daughter, do you really believe that she will succeed in something? Until our tomboy wants it himself, nothing will happen.¡±


    I smiled back at him:


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯re right. Listen, what about Aela?¡±


    Dad¡¯s face took on a worried expression:


    ¡°What¡¯s with her?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I hastened to assure him, ¡°everything is fine. You love her, right?¡±


    ¡°Oh, is that what you mean?¡± ¡ª he noticeably relaxed,¡ª ¡°Yes, maybe in a year I will propose to her, but now, I think it¡¯s too early.¡±


    I hugged him.


    ¡°Dad, I love you!¡±


    ¡°I know honey. Now go get ready for class and go to bed. It¡¯s already late!¡± He playfully threatened me with his finger.


    Half an hour later, I was lying in bed and trying to sleep.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t do that to my sister!¡± - it came up in my head again.


    ¡°Come to your senses! You can¡¯t do this. Amber already loves him. Even if it¡¯s not mutual. He can¡¯t belong to you! But how I want to look into those eyes again, just once...¡±

 Part 3. Chapter 10.

    Amber and grandmother Agnia left soon after. I once again organized a meeting between the blonde and my boyfriend. And I didn¡¯t feel sad or restless about it. On the contrary, it suddenly seemed to me that I was doing something good. I even insisted that he give Amber his email address when he decided to consult me. He was at a loss, but I said that in difficult times we should support her.


    He initially objected:


    ¡°Christina, this girl hurt you as a child!¡±


    ¡°It was in childhood,¡± I calmly objected, ¡°but now it¡¯s difficult for her.¡±


    Peter hugged me tightly and shook his head in displeasure:


    ¡°You¡¯re too kind, you can¡¯t be like that.¡±


    ¡°And you take too long to be offended by people,¡± I turned away from his embrace and loudly pecked his cheek.


    ¡°Come on, come here, little naughty girl.¡±


    He jokingly ran after me. But I dodged. We ran out onto the lawn near his house. There were no signs of trouble, but then I turned around and stumbled. Peter barely managed to grab me by the waist, but he fell with me.


    ¡°Little marquise, I caught you!¡±


    He turned his face to me with pointed features.


    ¡°I love you, do you hear?¡± ¡ª he whispered, barely audible, ¡°if something happens to you, what will I do? Be careful please. Now let¡¯s go into the house. It¡¯s cool outside.¡±


    With these words he stood up and extended his hand to me, and then we went home. For a second I held my gaze on his eyes.


    ¡°Beautiful,¡± I thought, ¡°the color of buckwheat honey, but John¡¯s are a deeper color, almond and chocolate. I wonder what he¡¯s doing now?¡±


    ***


    Dad went to see John for a while. I think he decided to improve his relationship with his son. I can not say that they were bad, but only six months ago dad gave up traveling and began spending time at home. However, my wayward brother studied in Belfast, so he was still at a distance from dad. He was in no hurry to come home, so dad began to visit him himself. And after such visits he arrived in high spirits.


    ¡°Dad, dad, what¡¯s new?¡± I jumped near my father and clapped my hands.


    ¡°Look who we have here! How old are we, five or maybe seven?¡± He laughed and stroked my head.


    Aela came out to meet him:


    ¡°Glad to see you again.¡±


    She kissed him on the cheek, shaking her fiery curls. Dad hugged her and, squinting his eyes slyly, answered:


    ¡°It¡¯s mutual¡­¡±


    ¡°Wow! Even in front of me you¡¯re not embarrassed,¡± I said.


    Dad scratched his head and said:


    ¡°Well, actually, we seem to be adults. And you¡¯re not too little anymore.¡±


    ¡°Come on, it¡¯s a joke,¡± I was embarrassed.


    ¡°We didn¡¯t hear it the first time,¡± said Aela, winking at me conspiratorially.


    I faked a pout and trudged into the house, muttering towards my dad:


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    ¡°You have to tell me how it went.¡±


    ¡°Why are you interested?!¡± Dad¡¯s suspicious (or it seemed to me) voice reached me.


    ¡°Oh, what can I say?¡± ¡ª I thought.


    ¡°So I always ask, don¡¯t I?¡± I decided to go on the offensive.


    ¡°That¡¯s true,¡± my dad answered, and I breathed a sigh of relief.


    After lunch, Dad decided to show me a photo of Belfast, although Aela insisted that he should rest after the trip. To this, dad told her:


    ¡°But I have only one daughter!¡± And he ruffled the hair on my head.


    After that, she gave up and, shaking her head disapprovingly, left us alone.


    ¡°This is Belfast Castle. You¡¯d probably love living there, wouldn¡¯t you, princess?¡±


    ¡°Only on the condition that you take the throne, my dear father!¡± ¡ª I laughed.


    ¡°Of course. And this...¡± he continued, ¡°...is the Ulster Museum. And it has an archaeological hall. I was there for half a day.


    ¡°Of course, you probably miss work trips. But I¡¯m glad that you¡¯re home now,¡± I hugged my dad.


    ¡°And this is a botanical garden. I went there especially for you. Look, there are views here that you have never seen before.¡±


    ¡°Thanks a lot. It wasn¡¯t worth wasting your time on me. We also have a greenhouse.¡±


    ¡°But you can see rare specimens. Can¡¯t I please my daughter? And this...¡± he flipped through the photo, ¡°...A friend of mine took a photograph of me and your brother.¡±


    ¡°What other friend?¡± I asked, squinting suspiciously.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be afraid, it¡¯s not the one you¡¯re thinking about,¡± Dad smiled, ¡°I accidentally met a classmate, she now also lives in Belfast.¡±


    ¡°You look good. Is John even studying or is he still being mischievous?¡± I looked at the photo, and my heart thudded against the walls.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it later,¡± I said to myself and hastened to put on a carefree expression on my face. Dad didn¡¯t seem to notice anything.


    ¡°How to say... He studies, of course. But that girl Amber is always trying to reach him, to get to him. In general, to attract his attention. But from the outside it is clear that he does not need it at all. Otherwise, he is cheerful and a little indifferent, as always.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you need to ignore him anyway,¡± I said, ¡°You think he¡¯s doing well, but in reality he¡¯s a little lonely, he just doesn¡¯t show it.¡±


    ¡°Where does such awareness come from, my daughter?¡± ¡ª Dad stood up and put his hands on his hips.


    ¡°These are my observations,¡± I laughed.


    ¡°Okay, rest for now, and I¡¯ll go to sleep until dinner.¡±


    Dad kissed me on the top of the head, and jokingly waved goodbye and left. And I was left alone, with a head full of thoughts and impressions. And if everything was relatively clear with my impressions, my thoughts were in complete disarray.


    ¡°Just one photo of him and dad together. Just a photo, but my heart is already starting to beat faster. It shouldn¡¯t be like this. Do I really like him?¡±


    I opened my laptop and went to check my email:


    ¡°Hi. I¡¯d like to talk to you. When can we see each other?¡±


    Then, after hesitating a little, I decided to write a second letter. My heart was beating wildly. It seemed to me that if it weren¡¯t for the chair I was sitting on, I would have fallen from excitement. I slowly inhaled and exhaled three times.


    ¡°Hello, brother. We haven¡¯t talked for a long time. How are you? Dad returned today, now he¡¯s resting. He showed me a photo, and there was one of you together. You look great together. I¡¯ll wait for an answer.


    Your sister.¡±


    It turned out somehow dry for the brother and sister. But it was clearly better than not communicating at all.


    ***


    Peter came to me fast. He broke away from his work and rushed over as soon as possible. Half an hour later we were already walking through the city park, holding hands.


    ¡°Peter is so caring, he¡¯s ready to do anything for me, he¡¯s always worried about me. He is an ideal boyfriend. What a pity that I can¡¯t love him. And John? He doesn¡¯t even care about me. But when I think about him, something unfamiliar awakens in me.¡±


    ¡°Are you all right?¡± Peter stopped and looked at me with concern.


    I found that my hand was squeezing his hand too tightly. He even winced a little. I rather tried to unclench my fingers.


    ¡°No... Not really... I don¡¯t know,¡± I really didn¡¯t know how to start a conversation.


    ¡°Let¡¯s sit down...¡± he pointed his hand towards the nearest bench, ¡°...now take a deep breath and exhale slowly... Once again. And now I¡¯m listening to you.¡±


    ¡°Can we just be friends again?!¡± I blurted out.


    Peter shuddered involuntarily, but quickly pulled himself together. And soon his face expressed almost nothing. He was silent for a while and then said:


    ¡°I knew that sooner or later this would happen and I was afraid. But when I heard this from you¡­ Don¡¯t worry, I will survive, it just takes a little time. We probably won¡¯t communicate much in the coming months, but then everything will be fine. If you change your mind, I still love you.¡±


    I finally raised my head and our eyes met. His eyes were very sad. I felt truly sorry for him and myself. And all this happened through my fault.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I whispered, barely audible.


    ¡°Everything is fine. Time is the best assistant,¡± he said.


    We were returning home in silence. I was sad, but I felt a little lighter. Because now Peter didn¡¯t have to hope or expect anything from me.

 Part 3. Chapter 11.

    Peter didn¡¯t call or write. And I tried not to disturb him. I fully understood that if I made myself known, he would feel bad. I truly valued him as a friend and didn¡¯t want him to suffer even more.


    There was no answer from John either. Of course, he did not glow with love towards me. Only I tried to build castles in my head, even knowing that it was pointless. Dad spent a lot of time with me. Of course, I couldn¡¯t tell him about my strange feelings, because there can¡¯t be a relationship between brother and sister. I heard about this and tried to follow generally accepted concepts. But I still felt very comfortable. The warmth that had been missing for so many years appeared in my life and was wrapping me in the warm blanket of my father¡¯s hugs in the evenings. He read me something before bed, as if I were five again. He looked when I drew something and was sincerely happy. He walked with me and was ready to talk to me about everything in the world. Of course, except for what I didn¡¯t want to talk to him about. Grandmother often tried to point out to him some of my shortcomings. She never wanted to accept me into her world. I tried to ask dad and Aela why she treated me this way, but I never received a clear answer. There was something strange about it all, but I preferred not to think about it too much.


    Unlike me, my dad did not have frequent communication with John, but they communicated at least twice a month. I tried not to ask directly what they were talking about, but dad shared with Aela, and I definitely tried to be there, although I didn¡¯t always succeed. So in three months I was able to learn about four news reports from him out of six, so to speak. From it I learned that Amber never stops chasing after him. Well, that wasn¡¯t surprising to me. It looks like this girl really fell head over heels in love with him. It made me a little angry, but not much. It just tingled me unpleasantly upon realizing this fact. Grandmother wrote John letters with teachings, and he was furious after each of her letters. I knew how much she loved her grandson, but her desire to marry him to Amber and his reluctance to follow this whim of hers created a serious rift between them. He also continued to be angry with dad. And here I could not influence or settle anything. In some ways John was right. Dad paid him little attention before. But in some ways he was wrong, because now he himself was not too eager to get closer to his father. In any case, it didn¡¯t concern me much now. I had to study hard, which I did successfully, and think about my final art work, so that if the result was good, I would have the opportunity to place my first personal exhibition. True, it still needed to be supplemented with a couple of paintings.


    ***


    One fine sunny day my dad took me to Belfast. He decided to take me to the same botanical garden, the photo of which he showed after the last trip. It was spring, I had a little vacation. The governess asked for a few days off for personal reasons, and we immediately rushed away from home. Moreover, this was my first trip further than our town, but still inside my country. John had a busy session, and therefore he could not come home for Christmas and New Year, but he seemed to be planning to come in the summer. In general, while he was still on campus, we were supposed to meet after a while, but for now I was happily looking at the trees and flowers. I actually saw many of them for the first time. I inhaled the aroma of some and associatively created stories in my head for future plots.


    Then we went to the restaurant. Dad offered to have a snack. I agreed because my stomach was empty. Today I was wearing a crimson dress, a pale blue sweater, black tights and black retro school shoes with laces, a braid of hair encircled my head in the form of a wreath. I didn¡¯t paint my eyes yet, but I had a coral gloss on my lips, which made them look a little fuller.


    John didn¡¯t come alone. He took Amber with him. This girl was flawless as always, her hair lay in even curls. Jeans, T-shirt, black jacket.


    ¡°I can never look like her,¡± I thought.


    Only her face was sad. But I didn¡¯t attach any importance to this. John walked in right behind her and I got nervous. Skinny jeans and a burgundy T-shirt. He immediately took off the jacket he had casually thrown over it. As he walked past me to say hello to Dad, I smelled his perfume, not too strong and not too faint. And my head started spinning.


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    ¡°Impossible,¡± I frantically grabbed the table, ¡°what is wrong with me?¡±


    ¡°Are you all right?¡±


    ¡°Why exactly did he notice this?¡± I sincerely hated myself at that moment.


    ¡°Yes, it¡¯s just stuffy,¡± I lied and tried to give my face a calm expression.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take her out into the fresh air, we¡¯ll be back soon,¡± he said. Then he said something quietly to dad. He nodded in turn.


    ¡°I need to get out quickly, get out, but where... Where can I run away?¡± I asked myself and couldn¡¯t find an answer. I quickly moved towards the exit, but my legs did not obey me, I walked too slowly.


    ¡°Hurry up, come on,¡± I told myself.


    ¡°Where did you go? Are you the smartest one?!¡± John¡¯s voice rang out in my ear.


    ¡°Not this, please!¡± - I thought.


    ¡°Give me your hand. Lean on me.¡± His voice sounded quite cold. It¡¯s probably for the better. I tried to think about something else, but his presence next to me made me feel strange. And that damn smell of perfume¡­


    I tried to ignore his offer and speed up my pace. Then he roughly grabbed me by the elbow and took me outside. The entrance to the restaurant was next to the park, and John quickly walked into the park.


    ¡°It hurts me! Let me go! I can not go so fast!¡±


    For a second, embarrassment flashed in his eyes, and he sharply unclenched his fingers. He took out a cigarette.


    ¡°Wow. I didn¡¯t know he smoked,¡± I thought and looked at him with curiosity. He took a drag and his face acquired a relaxed, mocking expression.


    ¡°Oh, why are you blushing and turning pale?¡± ¡ª He exhaled a ring of smoke right in my face, ¡°it¡¯s stra-ange¡±


    I tried to run.


    ¡°Oh, little Chris thinks she can run away from me so as not to answer. It¡¯s so funny!¡±


    He caught up with me a few steps away and grabbed me by the elbow again.


    ¡°It¡¯s no use,¡± he puffed again, ¡°I don¡¯t know what suddenly happened to you, but it¡¯s so fun to watch.¡±


    He put out his cigarette. And without letting go of my elbow, but more slowly, he walked back.


    ¡°I think my father has already talked to the narrow-minded blonde, let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.¡± I felt that my face was no longer burning.


    ¡°Why are you so sure that she is stupid?¡± ¡ª I asked.


    ¡°Because she doesn¡¯t understand that Irene, Kylie and Linda have more in common with me than she does,¡± he answered seriously.


    ***


    Amber was desperate. Dad tried to calm her down when we returned.


    ¡°I hate you!¡± She threw these words over her shoulder and left. We started having lunch. The atmosphere was tense. The father just asked:


    ¡°Maybe it wasn¡¯t worth it?¡±


    ¡°It was worth it, of course. And you finally turned out to be useful,¡± John said. We finished our meal in silence, and when we were leaving, Dad and John exchanged a few words and went our separate ways.


    ¡°How are you feeling, my girl?¡± The father was clearly alarmed.


    ¡°I just felt hot.¡±


    ¡°Maybe the dress is too small in size?¡± ¡ª He asked, examining me.


    ¡°No, daddy, it is just right.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t want to see a doctor?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m fine, fine. Just a lot of impressions. Let¡¯s go for a walk through the city streets, if you don¡¯t mind.¡±


    My father did not refuse. And in the evening, when we boarded the train, I fell asleep almost immediately.


    When we returned, grandma asked dad at dinner:


    ¡°Son, has John already told you when they will arrive?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid they won¡¯t come anytime soon,¡± he said.


    ¡°What does it mean?!¡± Lady Winnes demanded and began tapping the table with her knuckles.


    ¡°They have difficulties in their relationship.¡±


    ¡°What kind of difficulties could this scoundrel have?!¡± ¡ª the grandmother began to speak in a raised tone, ¡°he simply does not respect that I spent my time raising him as a wonderful grandson to the delight of his grandmother. It¡¯s your fault. You should have forced him. Are you a father or not?!¡±


    ¡°I am the father of this young man. That is why I believe that he himself has the right to choose what to do,¡± dad retorted.


    ¡°What do you know about choice? You have already chosen the woman you wanted and what came of it? You didn¡¯t pay enough attention to your son, and also this¡­¡± She contemptuously pointed her finger in my direction.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s enough, mother!¡± ¡ª the father flared up, ¡°You are not alone here. With all due respect to you, your grandchildren can figure out for themselves what they want. They must remain full-fledged people, and not become pawns in someone else¡¯s hands. I won¡¯t allow this. We¡¯ll talk to you later when you¡¯re ready for a calm discussion.¡±


    He took my hand. I just finished my tea. We went out into the hall and I asked:


    ¡°Dad, why was Amber so upset?¡±


    Dad rubbed his forehead and said:


    ¡°You see, daughter, not everyone can say what they think. Although your brother tries to hide his weaknesses, he still has them. He is not perfect, like all of us. They broke off the relationship. He couldn¡¯t tell her about it because he felt sorry for her. But she reacts quite violently to his negative comments about something. So he asked me to talk about it. Only she got even angrier. Well, I hope that in time she will find a good person to her liking. And your brother will decide for himself how to live.¡±

 Part 3. Chaper 12.

    One day, two friends from London came to visit my grandmother. More precisely, the grandmother¡¯s friend and her friend, also elderly women. They were very well-groomed and respectable-looking. And with them came a boy and a girl. They were seventeen. At first I thought they were brother and sister because they looked alike, but it turned out that they were dating, and after they came of age they have to get engaged because their families decided so. At the same time, the guys clearly liked each other, so further rapprochement could hardly frighten them. But they constantly communicated with each other in such a fake way that it looked too cloying. And the sight of them made my mouth felt sticky, like after an unripe persimmon. A little later it turned out that the grandmother invited them deliberately, because John was about to arrive. Dad was unhappy, but grandmother could not be convinced. Dad told John. He, of course, was annoyed, but since he and Amber were no longer dating, there shouldn¡¯t have been any problems.


    However, the appearance of my brother turned out to be more enchanting than anyone could have expected. He didn¡¯t come alone. Next to him was a tall, hot brunette in a beige top with thin straps, a short leather skirt and shiny short stiletto boots. The shoes added to her height, and she was slightly taller than John. In addition, she turned out to be indecently thin. She laughed loudly and blew bubble gum. A couple of sweet guys looked at them with interest as they entered the building.


    ¡° I¡¯m John!¡± My brother extended his hand.


    ¡°I¡¯m Nolan!¡± ¡ª the guy answered, ¡°and this is my Nancy.¡±


    With these words, he sweetly kissed her on the lips. John wrinkled.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go, honey!¡±


    He hugged his partner around the waist and walked in with her. Grandma came out to meet him from the dining room.


    ¡°Hello, grandma!¡±


    ¡°Who else is here with you?!¡± The grandmother looked at the girl with displeasure.


    ¡°The one I want to marry!¡± ¡ª John said cheekily, ¡°Isn¡¯t that what you wanted?¡±


    ¡°Come to me, dear grandson!¡± Grandma¡¯s face darkened. ¡°Jack, this applies to you too!¡±


    Dad was holding my hand at that moment. He let go of it, nodded encouragingly to me, and John winked at the thin-legged girl, and they both left us.


    Then a noise was heard. Basically it was the grandmother who scolded everyone. Soon John came out and quickly walked to the backyard. Dad followed him out. I decided to go after them. But I stopped a little further away.


    ¡°Wait, son!¡±


    ¡°You knew, right? Didn¡¯t I tell you to drive her away?!¡±


    ¡°Wait, don¡¯t get excited. Although we have our differences, I am not only your father, but also your friend.¡±


    ¡°Then why the hell is she coming again?!¡± John screamed.


    ¡°I would like to know if your grandmother seems to be up to something. She invited these too¡­¡± he looked towards the house, ¡°...for some unknown reason. They follow each other all day long, like two doves. We need to come up with something¡­¡± Dad said.


    I decided to approach them.


    ¡°Why did you bring the girl with you? And what¡¯s her name?¡± Dad asked with interest.


    ¡°Oh, this is Kylie. Don¡¯t worry, she¡¯s not that cheeky. We agreed so, but it seems everything didn¡¯t go according to plan.¡±


    ¡°Well... Oh, Chris, and you¡¯re here.¡±


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    ¡°Hello, John. We finally said hello,¡± I said.


    ¡°Listen, I don¡¯t want to ask you, but I think I need help,¡± he scratched the back of his head, ¡°anyway, Amber is coming today. I know you don¡¯t like her that much, but she shouldn¡¯t interact with Kylie no matter what I do.¡±


    I thought about it. Dad intervened:


    ¡°Chris, John really needs your help. Besides, you haven¡¯t talked to Peter for a long time. Is everything OK? Maybe you can take the girl to your company for a couple of days.¡±


    ¡°Actually...¡± I started, ¡°but okay, I don¡¯t think it will be a problem.¡±


    ¡°Well, fine.¡±


    Dad kissed me on the cheek and left.


    ¡°Really, how is your boyfriend doing?¡± John asked, smiling tightly when we were alone.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, everything is complicated here,¡± I answered. I was surprised at myself, but now I had no time for my feelings. I sincerely wanted to help him.


    ¡°I need to write to Peter, let them meet with Amber, I don¡¯t really want to see him. I¡¯ll solve two problems,¡± I thought. I still felt bad for my refusal.


    ¡°Did you quarrel?¡± ¡ª my brother asked with interest.


    ¡°You could say that,¡± I answered absently.


    ¡°Well, see you, Kylie is waiting for me.¡±


    He waved his hand at me and, grinning, headed towards the house, whistling something cheerfully.


    ***


    Peter didn¡¯t answer right away, but he agreed to meet with Amber, and I was grateful to him for that. He asked me when we would meet and he wanted to try to communicate again. I agreed, but after Amber left. That¡¯s what we decided on.


    The evening turned out to be quiet because John didn¡¯t show up for dinner with his imaginary girlfriend, and Grandma met Amber and tried to treat her to a fruit dessert from our chef Marco. Nolan and Nancy fed each other strawberries. It was a little stressful. Amber, on the contrary, somehow became sad looking at them. The elderly ladies were already playing checkers for the fourth round. The score was still a draw. Grandma tried to talk about John when Amber was about to leave, but I rather stood up from the table and said:


    ¡°Grandma, we want to walk a little.¡±


    With these words, I pushed her towards the exit.


    ¡°But,¡± my grandmother tried to protest my words.


    I grabbed Amber¡¯s hand and pulled her along.


    ¡°You¡¯ll say thank me later.¡±


    ¡°What do you need from me?¡± ¡ª she asked tiredly.


    ¡°I really suggest you join me for tonight. I don¡¯t know if you¡¯ll be interested, but I can show you a couple of pictures that I painted. At that moment we passed by the guest rooms, and a groan was heard from one.


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± Amber asked in surprise.


    But then the answer to the question came by itself. The door opened and John appeared. He was wearing a half-unbuttoned shirt and jeans.


    ¡°Darling, come back quickly,¡± a female voice said. Then the brunette¡¯s head poked out of the door. She pulled him by the shirt and, oh my God, she started kissing him shamelessly right in front of us. Moreover, he hugged her to him and reciprocated. In surprise, I covered my mouth with my free hand, but quickly came to my senses and pulled Amber¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go faster.¡±


    Amber was shocked. When we entered my room, I sat her down in a chair.


    ¡°Wait, I¡¯ll get some water.¡±


    She just nodded. I quickly went downstairs. There was no one in the kitchen. I poured water from the carafe and went back. Amber was still sitting in the position I had left her in, looking at her hands folded in her lap with an unmoving gaze.


    ¡°Hey. Drink and let¡¯s go!¡±


    I tried to make my voice sound more cheerful, but I didn¡¯t feel too good myself. I wrote an SMS to Peter:


    ¡°This is a disaster! Come out. Meet me in fifteen minutes at the park.I¡¯ll see her off. In my opinion, her heart has been completely broken. All hope is in you.¡±


    ¡°Get up, you need to go out into the fresh air.¡±


    I felt like an adult compared to her at that moment.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to,¡± she said in a dull voice.


    ¡°I want.¡±


    I took her hand and led her. She didn¡¯t resist.


    ¡°Why did we stop?¡± She asked when we were already standing at the appointed place.


    ¡°Hello!¡± Peter approached unnoticed, and I shuddered.


    ¡°Hello. She will tell you if she wants, but for now, accept her¡±


    ¡°And you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll go home, next time we¡¯ll definitely talk. Bye.¡±


    Peter tried to hug me, but I deftly dodged.


    ¡°Well, see you later. I¡¯ll see her off,¡± he said.


    And he and Amber went deeper into the square. I smiled, without knowing why, and went home.


    However, at home, I sat down in the same chair in which Amber had sat before me and replayed what I had seen in my head again. I felt a pang in my chest, and two tears quietly rolled down my face, one after the other.


    ¡°If this is really love, then no one should ever know about it. He¡¯s my brother. But I can¡¯t get rid of feelings for him. I just have to learn to look at his strange behavior and control myself,¡± I decided .


    Amber stayed the night at Peter¡¯s, which was unexpected. He didn¡¯t usually do that. I don¡¯t know what they were talking about, but it was clearly for the better. She returned only in the evening, and a day later she went back to Northern Ireland, thanking me not too verbosely. But even that was nice to hear from her. And I was no longer jealous of John for her. All that was left for her from my side was pity. Although to be honest, I myself was not in the best position.

 Part 3. Chapter 13.

    John and Kylie stayed for about a week. All this time they did nothing but stick to each other. They constantly imitated Nolan and Nancy, who quickly got tired of it, and their grandmothers had to immediately take them home. At the same time, both couples did not hesitate to kiss passionately for everyone to see. John would sometimes slap Kylie¡¯s butt, and she would squeal loudly. And it seemed to me that he was seriously hooking up with her. Of course, they did strange things with each other, but my brother was basically strange and cheeky, so I wasn¡¯t surprised. I felt uncomfortable when I saw them together. So I went to the greenhouse and spent the whole day there. Sometimes my dad came to me and watched me draw, we chatted about something not too important. Sometimes we discussed images for the exhibition. I passed my exam successfully, and finally received the right to an exhibition in our city. After a tiring day, I went to my room and often saw how he pressed her against the wall in the corridor, and she put her hand on his jeans where it would clearly not be normal in front of strangers. This happened almost every time I passed by. It even seemed like this was being done to spite me. But he couldn¡¯t guess about me, I controlled myself and didn¡¯t give him a reason. Dad pretended not to notice anything. Perhaps they agreed that way. Grandmother was extremely dissatisfied and even paid almost no attention to me. Although, to be honest, now I didn¡¯t really care about her comments. We started communicating with Peter again. Honestly we haven¡¯t met yet. He found work in Glasgow and went there immediately. In anticipation of my exhibition, I opened an account on Facebook, and I also communicated with Peter there. While we did not see each other, our communication acquired the same warm shades as before. And he was my saving island of something unshakable against the background of stormy emotions inside my head.


    But finally John left, although he had planned to return for a few days before his last school year. And it became easier for me to breathe. I went to city parks or just the forest behind the house, to a stream nearby, or just sat by the pond next to the house and read books. There was just over a month left until my birthday. In the mornings I took lessons from the governess and visiting teachers whom my father hired for me. And we worked so hard with them that I had every chance to finish the school program as an external student and go to the College of Fine Arts. So that I could then have a chance to enter the Royal Academy of Arts in London.


    Dad and Aela were inseparable; they were always doing something together. Sometimes the three of us would set a table in the courtyard and drink tea. Sometimes Marie and Claude or Marco would join us with their wonderful treats. My dad and brother¡¯s nanny, Sophie, went to live with her relatives, where she died a year ago. Now only my governess, Mrs. Alice remained with my grandmother, with whom she often spent time together. She was not old, but as long as I could remember, she always preferred the company of my grandmother to us, who began to hold her official ceremonies less often. Her health was becoming less strong. Looks like age has taken its toll.


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    One day, a few days before my sixteenth birthday, I was sitting under one of the oak trees in our alley, and an idea came to me. I was wearing only a pair of ratty lounge jeans, a T-shirt, and a gray-green checkered shirt. But I didn¡¯t put on a bra. It was unusually warm outside, in the evening the air temperature was still +22¡ãC, and I ran to the pond next to the house. I put the book on the bench and jumped into the pond with a running start. The water turned out to be quite warm. It was shallow. I shook out my wet hair and ran my hands over my head to smooth it. Then I dived and decided to swim a little there and back. As I was about to get out of the water, I decided that I would swim a little further. Although the pond was not used for swimming, it was cleaned annually. Just in case. I sat on the shore for a while and looked into the water, which was cloudy after my swim. And then I lay down right on the grass. I didn¡¯t think about the time, sunset had not yet come, I just closed my eyes.


    ¡°It seems you forgot the book!¡± A male voice sounded above me.


    ¡°What a familiar voice,¡± I thought.


    I reluctantly opened my eyes, but immediately jumped up.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing here?!¡± ¡ª I asked.


    ¡°It turns out that you can swear. How interesting¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t answer a question with a question! And give me back my book,¡± I tried to jump, but my height did not allow me to reach it. I tried again, but all my efforts were in vain. The grass near the pond was still a little slippery, and at one moment I realized that I was falling into the water and grabbed onto John. He suddenly lost his balance and let go of the book. The book flew to the side, but no one could stop our fall. There was a noise and splashes flew in all directions. Suddenly I remembered that I was without a bra, and the water made my clothes stick to my body. And now this body is hugging another body, which is very warm and does not seem to resist.


    This is terrible,¡± I thought, ¡°so what should I do now?¡±


    I pushed John away as soon as our heads were above the surface and we could stand in the water.


    ¡°It¡¯s all because of you,¡± I muttered to him.


    ¡°Whatever, evil little miss,¡± he replied in his characteristic sarcastic manner.


    ¡°Go away,¡± I said much more quietly.


    ¡°What if I don¡¯t leave?¡± He asked and looked me straight in the eyes. I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t behave like that,¡± I reminded myself, ¡°otherwise he might figure it out and he¡¯ll bully you for the rest of his life, Christina.¡±


    It worked.


    ¡°I will call for help.¡±


    ¡°Do you think so?¡± He came closer with his usual nasty grin. I opened my mouth to carry out the words, but he immediately covered it with his hand.


    ¡°Okay, the joke was inappropriate, I¡¯m leaving.¡±


    He climbed out of the water and threw over his shoulder:


    ¡°Don¡¯t forget the book.¡±


    And he left. His shirt and jeans were now also stuck to his body, and I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off. I dove again to push my thoughts away. I liked this young man with all his habits, but he could not be mine.

 Part 3. Chapter 14.

    I couldn¡¯t understand why my brother decided to come to my birthday. It was unexpected. He even gave me a gift I wouldn¡¯t have expected from him before. But his mood swings had happened before, and there was no guarantee that he would always communicate normally with me. Now I¡¯m sixteen. I plunged headlong into my studies. I had to think about my future. The exhibition was supposed to take place at the end of November, and I was finishing the last couple of paintings. I have already looked around the hall. It was small and cozy. The question remained whether to put the paintings on easels or hang them on the walls. Easels would have created more of a lamp-like quality, but the room with warm light was already inviting.


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t turn out too sweet, although there can never be too much comfort...¡± I thought.


    On the other hand, if the paintings were hanging, then an additional composition would be needed for decoration. And I also had to think about the composition. There wasn¡¯t much time left, and I had to decide what to do best.


    ¡°Da-ad, I need help,¡± I said a few days before the exhibition, because nothing came to mind.


    ¡°Mmm?¡± He responded, raising his head from the rose bushes that he had so carefully trimmed. Claude was given the weekend, so Dad decided to work in the greenhouse himself.


    ¡°Do you think about the exhibition?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. The problem is that I like the wall idea better. But then what else needs to be added?¡±


    ¡°I have one idea. You need to find vases that are not too big to hold a flower in each. In your paintings, flowers are people. In the second part of the hall you can create an installation. There will be your landscapes from your lessons, mainly the seasons. This means you can put a small cylindrical podium in the corner between two walls. Divide it into four parts and decorate each part at a different time of year. Add artificial moss, for example. And then everyone will be able to stand on it and take a photo between the two paintings.¡±


    He patted me on the head, as he always did.


    ¡°You know, Chris, you deserve a good life,¡± he said quietly and added, ¡°and it¡¯s my duty as a father to help you. You¡¯re trying really hard, and that¡¯s great. You are a talented, beautiful daddy¡¯s little girl and you will always remain such for me.¡±


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    He kissed the top of my head.


    ¡°Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me.¡±


    I was so moved that I even shed a tear, which I secretly wiped away so that dad wouldn¡¯t see.


    ***


    Sunday has arrived. Today was supposed to be the opening of the exhibition.


    Your paintings will hang in the exhibition hall for a whole week. I can¡¯t believe it. Christina, you are so cool!¡± I mentally said to myself.


    I was very nervous. Dad has already taken care of everything, and yesterday we arranged the vases. All that remained was to cut the flowers and buy additional samples that were missing. However, we started doing this in the morning. Yesterday we sent out invitations to all our local friends. We didn¡¯t know how many of them would come, but we hoped. Exhibition by an unknown teenage artist. If I were an adult, I probably wouldn¡¯t go. That¡¯s why I was worried.


    It was 2pm on the clock. It¡¯s time to open up. Today I was wearing a black little dress. The very thing that every woman should have, as Coco Chanel said, an ash-colored bolero, boots of the same color with ribbon laces on the heels. My hair was styled in soft waves and had two thin Celtic-style braids that met at the back of my head. Dad came up to me and hugged me:


    ¡°Prepare for any outcome, my daughter. Your speech is due in an hour. And no matter how many people come, you should look confident.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t promise, but I¡¯ll try very hard,¡± I said, showing him my fist, palm forward.


    Dad smiled. Then somebody called him and he said that he would most likely miss my speech. Of course, I was upset, but he said that there was something urgent at home, and I didn¡¯t dare detain him.


    There really weren¡¯t many people, at least when the time came for the speech. But among them there were still our acquaintances, and they were adults. This means that curiosity really got the better of them. An employee of the hall asked those gathered to pay attention to me. I was shy, but tried to look natural. They gave me a microphone.


    ¡°Good day everyone! Thank you for coming. For those who don¡¯t know, my name is Christina. And what you see around you is my work. This is my first exhibition. And I am grateful that the organizers gave me the opportunity to show my paintings here over the next week. I¡¯ll be glad if you like them.¡±


    ¡°Can I ask you?¡± A pretty middle-aged woman approached me. ¡°You don¡¯t sell them? I liked the one with the rose.¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately, not yet,¡± I threw up my hands.


    ¡°Well, I hope this isn¡¯t the last time we see each other. Perhaps you will change your mind,¡± she shook my hand and walked away.


    I put on my coat, said goodbye to the employees and went to the exit. And then near the entrance I saw HIM. From surprise, I stood rooted to the spot.


    ¡°Hello to you too,¡± the corner of his mouth lifted.


    ¡°What have you forgotten here?¡± I asked suspiciously.


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t miss such an important event. Besides, your works are quite good, and their style is interesting. But in general, I was waiting for you. Father said that grandmother was not well, so we would have to return home.¡±


    ¡°Okay, whatever you say,¡± I had nothing to object to. We took a taxi home and got there very quickly.

 Part 3. Chapter 15.

    ¡°What¡¯s happened?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Grandma is very ill. We are waiting for a doctor and also a notary. Come in, take off your clothes. Hi John, have you just arrived?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I came to look at the paintings and immediately came here.¡±


    Aela smiled at him:


    ¡°Lately you¡¯ve been coming here often.¡±


    ¡°Well, I couldn¡¯t miss this. Even I became curious what the result of her efforts would be,¡± he pointed his finger at me.


    ¡°Hey, be careful!¡± I warned him.


    ¡°I¡¯ll go, it seems we have a lot to do,¡± Aela said and left.


    ¡°Is it strange that this happened to our grandmother? I haven¡¯t been gone not so long,¡± my brother asked.


    ¡°Yes, but for the last week she hasn¡¯t been feeling well and almost didn¡¯t go out for lunch and dinner. I heard she had some health problems, but she certainly didn¡¯t tell me about them.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said John.


    ¡°I need to change clothes. Tell dad to call me when he needs me.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he responded reluctantly.


    About an hour passed, but dad still didn¡¯t come in. I decided to go out on my own and have some tea. I went down. There was no one in the dining room. I went into the kitchen, Marco, as always, did not leave the stove. He treated me to sugar cookies that melted in my mouth. After that, I decided to walk around the house. The door to grandma¡¯s room was tightly closed, and a rumble could be heard from behind it.


    ¡°Okay, Christina, this doesn¡¯t concern you,¡± I told myself.


    I left the house. On the street I met the cleaner Marie and the gardener Claude. They were talking about something quietly. I came closer.


    ¡°If they look for me, I will go to the gazebo in the forest.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± they responded simultaneously.


    November turned out to be dry. There wasn¡¯t much rain, but it was still cooler than usual. I put on sneakers especially for such a walk, and now the leaves rustled softly under my feet. Passing by the ravine, I paused on the bridge. Once upon a time, my grandmother¡¯s lapdog injured her paw here because of John. He and Amber also set my skirt on fire one time. But that was a long time ago and so unimportant. I was alive and well, and today I opened the first exhibition of my paintings. This is incredible. From a little defenseless girl she grew into a big, brave girl.


    ¡°Don¡¯t exaggerate, you still have to grow and grow,¡± an inner voice reminded me.


    Of course. I wonder why he came? Although, did it really matter? The main thing is that he showed up at all. Every time I saw him my heart sank.


    I moved on, the trees were so sad and empty without leaves. As empty as my life without him.


    ¡°Comparisons are unnecessary,¡± my brain suggested again.


    Approaching the gazebo, I saw that someone was already sitting in it with his back to me. I came closer:


    ¡±Excuse me, can I disturb you?¡± I started.


    The man stood up and turned around.


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    ¡°Why is it that wherever I go, you always get in my way?!¡± ¡ª I got angry.


    ¡°Please, do not go. Just sit next to me. You don¡¯t even need to talk to me, we can just be silent,¡± he grabbed my hand.


    I was confused, but I didn¡¯t pull my hand out. He looked straight at me with his dark chocolate eyes, and I knew I couldn¡¯t refuse him.


    ¡°Okay, just let me go.¡±


    I went into the gazebo and saw that there was a bottle of whiskey on the table. I sat down opposite him.


    ¡°I should leave quickly, it¡¯s not clear what he can do in this state,¡± I thought.


    ¡°This is Scotch whiskey, would you like it?¡± He asked, looking past me.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll refuse. I didn¡¯t know that you not only smoke, but also drink!¡±


    It was strange, but for some reason I felt superior because I was clean and led a healthier lifestyle than him. And it was nice. John didn¡¯t answer, just took a sip from the bottle. Then he took out a cigarette and lit it.


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m not an angel, don¡¯t look at me so condemningly. You know this better than me.¡±


    He took a drag and began to blow out smoke in rings.


    ¡°I know. And I never tire of being amazed at how you sink to the bottom of life. Why are you doing all this? Bad habits are called bad habits for a reason!¡±


    He patted me on the head, just like dad.


    ¡°Do you think that you are the smartest?¡±


    He took another sip and stood up.


    But you are a child. Yes, I like it when you¡¯re angry, so I provoke you, but that doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m dumber than you. You just don¡¯t know adult life. Wait, you¡¯ll become just like me,¡± the tone of his voice rose, ¡°and do you know why? Because you don¡¯t deserve the attention you¡¯re getting. I was the one who should have received it, you have no right to this!¡±


    ¡°I am your sister, and I have the same right to attention. You wasted time to annoy me, but not to get the attention you needed!¡± I was indignant.


    ¡°Shut up!!!¡± He roared.


    I didn¡¯t notice when he was nearby. I tried to get up, but it was too late. It seems he had too much to drink and couldn¡¯t control himself at all.


    ¡°You will answer me for this!¡±


    He swung, it looked like he wanted to hit me.


    ¡°What should I do? What should I do?¡± ¡ª I thought feverishly.


    He squeezed my cheekbones with his hand and began to shake. It was painful.


    ¡°What should I do?¡± He said out loud, and his gaze passed through me again.


    My position was very uncomfortable. I sat and he hovered over me. It was impossible to kick him right away, so I took extreme measures. I looked straight at him and with my free hand pulled his sweater towards me. Out of surprise, he loosened his grip and sat down on the bench next to me. I let him go and grabbed the bottle.


    ¡°I¡¯ll break it now,¡± I squeezed through his hand.


    He seemed to have woken up.


    ¡°Just dare!¡±


    He finally let go of my face. I put the bottle back on the table and started running. Finding myself at a safe distance from him, I shouted:


    ¡°You¡¯ll apologize later if you remember!¡±


    And I went home.


    ¡° I hate you!!!¡± I heard after me.


    ¡°How cruel he is towards me. This is unreasonable. How could I fall in love with such a monster? If we weren¡¯t from the same family, I would definitely stop communicating with him,¡± I thought.


    ***


    Grandma was getting worse. She made a will that left the house to my father and half of her savings. The jewelry and the other half of the savings were to go to John, but on one condition¡­ I didn¡¯t get anything, but this was expected from my grandmother.


    One evening she called my brother, with whom we had not communicated for several days. Of course, I didn¡¯t expect an apology from him, but they weren¡¯t needed. This made it easier for me to distance myself from him. It just so happened that John did not close the door behind him, and there was a small gap left. I don¡¯t know what they were talking about, but when I passed by, I heard:


    ¡°... When you were young, the customs were different. Did you love grandpa?¡±


    I didn¡¯t hear her answer and came closer. He continued:


    ¡°It is important. Because in the end you fell in love with him, but I will never love her. You see her only from the side with which she shows herself. I see it from the other side. And I don¡¯t like this other side.¡±


    I was about to leave, they were talking about Amber again. But something made me stop again.


    ¡°I love you and respect your opinion, but you also understand me. Why is Christina not married off to anyone in advance, but I have to?¡±


    ¡°Because you are my grandson, and we have a good pedigree, but it¡¯s unclear where they brought her from. If it weren¡¯t for your father, I wouldn¡¯t have left her here for a day. And she would have grown up in this den of rootless people, as she should have¡­¡±


    I recoiled as if struck by thunder. So this is what he knew and what he was hinting at. That¡¯s why the old lady treated me badly. And dad or what should I call him now? How did he live with this? He smiled, hugged, listened and always bought something, knowing that I was not his daughter. No, it was worth thinking about. I walked slowly and felt that I had no strength. And if it weren¡¯t for Claude passing by by chance, I would have already fallen.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± He asked.


    ¡°My head is spinning. Can you help me go outside? I want to breathe.¡±


    ¡°Yes, sure.¡±


    I leaned against the cold wall of the house and closed my eyes. Life could no longer remain the same...

 Part 4. Chapter 1.

    CHRISTINA.


    The alarm clock is ringing, I need to wake up. The sun peeks through the morning fog. I reluctantly stretch and look at my graduate neighbor Lily. She is still sleeping. Today her classes start later than mine. She¡¯s lucky. I try not to make any noise and go to wash and take a shower.


    I moved to Glasgow a year and a half ago and am now in my second year at Art School. We have a lot of theory and even more practice. Studying comes easy to me, and therefore I have a lot of free time, during which I often walk along the city streets or read books. Sometimes Lily invites me to her friends, but they are noisy and I don¡¯t really like them. I have a good neighbor. She is the life of the party, but not too open. Friends always go to her for advice. She knows how to keep secrets and calm down heartbroken students. At the same time, she does not have a boyfriend, although she is pretty and well-mannered. This is, of course, strange, but for me it¡¯s only a plus, because I¡¯m in love with John, who turned out to be not my brother at all. However, my love is unrequited, and I like that someone else is lonely besides me.


    I wrap myself in a towel and go make breakfast. Today let there be toast with cheese. Before class I want to walk a little. I really love May when the leaves bloom. I can watch them endlessly. And then everything around turns green.


    Nothing special happens in pairs, the session is coming soon. My classmates are nervous, but I¡¯m not. I¡¯m always a little away from them. They unite interest groups of several people, but I still haven¡¯t found a company for myself. But I don¡¯t need that. The teachers praise me, but I don¡¯t care. I¡¯m just doing what a good student should do. I draw with particular enthusiasm, but at the School of Art we often paint something more standard.


    Sometimes I want to come home and be in a familiar environment, then I call Jack (now it¡¯s difficult for me to call him father) and ask him to pick me up. He always finds time for me. And I still love him like a father. And now, when the pairs run out, I dial the number and say:


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    ¡°Jack, will you come for me?¡±


    Of course, he agrees, and a few hours later I am sitting in his car, we are driving along a road with hills and fields. Depeche mode songs are playing. I fell in love with this band for their melancholic and calm sound. As a result, I fell asleep. I woke up already near the house.


    ¡°Come out, Chris,¡± he tells me.


    I get out of the car, walk, say hello to the house workers along the way, go up to my room, throw my bag on the chair and fall back onto the bed. I look at the ceiling and inhale the smell of home. I change clothes, go downstairs, and go into the kitchen. Marco smiles at me.


    ¡°Your favorite cakes, miss.¡±


    ¡°Indeed, with waffle mushrooms. Thank you, dear chef,¡± I say to him.


    I go to the living room. There is now a large TV on the wall. I turn on ¡°Jane Eyre¡± and watch it again, for the third or even fourth time. And every time I discover something new for myself. I imagine myself in Jane¡¯s place. But where is my Mr. Rochester? Probably, someday in my life he will appear and love. Although I already love a person who hardly loves me. I¡¯ll never ask John about this directly, it¡¯s too embarrassing. Moreover, I heard that beautiful girls always hover around him. Well, yes, he is harmful, but charming. And I¡¯m short, unremarkable, what can I claim? I can only look at how his future life will be arranged. It hurts me to see someone next to him, but there is nothing else I can do.


    But how exactly is John? In those rare moments when we cross paths, he is always cold towards me, very tense and, as usual, rude. But that¡¯s good. It¡¯s easier for me to focus on the fact that he didn¡¯t know about my feelings, otherwise he will laugh at me. And I can¡¯t stand this.


    I turn off the TV and go to the greenhouse. They allocated a corner for me and Jack personally planted tea roses and chrysanthemums there. Some look pompous and festive, others are simple and strict but no less beautiful. Today I don¡¯t want to draw. I sit down on the chair left for me and inhale the smell of flowers. This brings back memories of my first exhibition. And about HIM¡­ The sun is partially hidden behind a cloud, and rain, small and fast, begins to knock on the glass of the greenhouse. It gives way to some clouds, rainbows and evening sun. I open the door and turn my face towards the departing warm rays.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go home, honey. Now the sun will set below the horizon, and you will feel cold. You didn¡¯t even put on a jacket.¡±


    Jack hands me my denim jacket. I pull myself up and reluctantly leave the beautiful island of my hope and dreams. Tomorrow a new day awaits me.

 Part 4. Chapter 2.

    The school year is over. Now I can rest a little. My classmates left. Only Kenzi and Glenn remained. They are brother and sister. They have no one except their grandfather who raised them. They are my age and have just finished their first year. They do everything together. They even paint one picture for two. Kenzi is a tall girl with long dark hair. There is something rough about her features. She is decisive and straightforward. Nobody ever argues with her. She loves the dark and always wears bright makeup. She has a sonorous voice. And she is the leader of her group. Glenn is an inconspicuous boy, always dreaming about something. He is indecently thin, and any clothes hang on him. He is not much taller than me. He brings lightness and elegance to his joint work with his sister. He always speaks quietly. Sometimes he looks at something for a long time with his bright eyes. They are so opposite that they absolutely complement each other. It seems to me that none of them will find a mate, because they live only for each other. And now they are sitting in the courtyard of the hostel at a table with a canopy and enthusiastically arguing about something.


    ¡°Bye guys, see you soon!¡± I wave to them as I walk past with my suitcase.


    ¡°Oy, flower girl! Come back soon, otherwise Glenn and I will completely wither away here alone!¡±


    ¡°Definitely,¡± I laugh, ¡°why won¡¯t you go to your grandfather?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid he¡¯s tired of us after so many years!¡± Kenzi laughs loudly, and I see a row of snow-white teeth. Glenn doesn¡¯t say anything and looks at me for a long time.


    We rarely communicate, but it seems as if I have known them all my life. Although neither brother nor sister are anything like me. Jack is already waiting for me in the parking lot.


    ¡°Hello, Chris! Get in the car.¡±


    He takes my suitcase, puts it in the trunk and gets into the car.


    ¡°Where do you want to go?¡± ¡ª he asks casually.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. Maybe in Dundee. I want to visit Mills Observatory and sketch Glamis Castle,¡± I reply.


    ¡°As you say.¡±


    He starts the car and we drive along endless hills and winding roads. In the evening we arrived in Dundee. The city glows with thousands of lights. We are staying in a small hotel. For dinner I order Cullen skink soup with cream and aromatic tea with thyme. Jack helps himself to pork stew and Scotch whiskey. Then we¡¯re going to the observatory. Fortunately, the sky is starry today and I can see the constellations through the telescope. It¡¯s so cool! And then we happily walk along the city streets, and I look at the windows of closed shops. By morning we returned to the hotel. Jack goes to his room, and I go to mine. And I fall asleep, happy and carefree.


    When I wake up, it¡¯s cloudy outside. But sometimes the sun peeks through the clouds. I put on a bright light green dress with polka dots, a black cardigan and black shoes with thick soles. I braid a high ponytail. For breakfast, a ham and cheese sandwich. Having finished eating, Jack and I go out and go to the castle. In the morning he didn¡¯t order whiskey and therefore drove the car himself. We stop and I hurry to the castle.


    ¡°Wait, daughter,¡± he shouts after me, but immediately stops, ¡°you forgot your pencils!¡±


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    He is hurrying after me. He catches up and gives them to me.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± I smile at him, ¡°I¡¯ll make sketches here from different angles. If you have something to do, you can leave for an hour or two.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he says, ¡°I¡¯ll bring you an umbrella now, just in case.¡±


    ***


    Jack is about to leave when his phone rings. I¡¯m usually not interested in who calls him. But now I¡¯m trying to listen. I do not know why.


    ¡°Certainly. Are you in Dundee too?.. Of course, I¡¯m already on my way¡­ Christina? Yes, good. Do you want to talk to her? ¡­ OK¡­¡±


    I should ask who it was, but Jack is already too far away. I walk around the castle, here it is, my comfortable place. I begin to transfer the look I like into my sketchbook. Meanwhile, the clouds are gathering. But I even like this, the castle looks even darker. I decided to make another sketch. I¡¯ve never been to Dundee before, but I¡¯ve read a lot about the city. So now my little dream is coming true. I retreat under the spreading oak tree and draw again. Half of it is already ready, but as luck would have it, it¡¯s starting to drip. Luckily, the tree¡¯s foliage is thick and I¡¯m finally finishing the sketch. I get ready to go and put my pencils and sketchbook in a bag, but I find that the little rain has turned into a downpour, and Jack is still not there. And then a strange thought comes to my mind.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t I run in the rain?¡±


    I leave the bag with my supplies and my umbrella under the tree, and go out into the rain. I rejoice like a little child and expose my face to the cold drops. The mascara begins to run from the eyelashes, leaving streaks on the face. I laugh at the rain. I probably look like I¡¯m crazy, but who cares? A heavy downpour instantly washes away the remnants of black stains from the face. But by the second minute of a cold shower it¡¯s not so funny to me.


    ¡°It¡¯s time to call Jack... Okay, just a few more seconds,¡± I think and, closing my eyes, continue to spin under the June streams. Yes, now, the last days of June.


    ¡°Look at this fool!¡± I hear a familiar voice.


    Oh my God! I shudder. I guess it was just my imagination.


    ¡°Take an umbrella and move your legs faster! You annoy me!¡±


    I open my eyes.


    ¡°What the heck!¡±


    John is standing in front of me, and I understand that I don¡¯t want to look like this in front of him. But nothing can be done. I¡¯m taking the umbrella reluctantly. John walks very quickly and I have to run after him. When we get to the car, he opens the back seat door, takes a blanket out of the trunk and throws it to me.


    ¡°Take cover!¡± He looks at me contemptuously and slams the door. We¡¯re driving in silence. The atmosphere is tense. I want to ask him so much. But I can¡¯t. It¡¯s probably good that he¡¯s mad at me now. I let it go its own way. Otherwise, he will understand everything, and then we will definitely stop communicating. And that¡¯s clearly not what I want.


    ***


    Not surprisingly, walking in the rain worked exactly as expected. So now I¡¯m lying in bed, and my temperature has not dropped below thirty-eight degrees for three days. It¡¯s so shitty when July is just beginning, and you¡¯re lying in bed and can¡¯t even get up for a while. Jack sits next to me and Aela looks worried:


    ¡°It was the wrong decision,¡± she tells me for the umpteenth time. At the same time, he shakes his head sympathetically.


    ¡°No,¡± I say, ¡°don¡¯t waste time, I¡¯ll just sleep a little more.¡±


    Jack pats my head. I don¡¯t resist. I don¡¯t really have the strength to do this. They walk out, whispering something to each other.


    I woke up in the evening. It seems a little easier to me. The first thing I see is gladioli in a vase on the table by the window. I¡¯m trying to go over in my head everything that we planted this year and I can¡¯t remember that there were gladioli.


    ¡°I wonder if they were planted just recently? But I would remember that...¡±


    I¡¯m trying to get up. I really want to eat something and drink even more. But there¡¯s no one nearby. It looks like I¡¯ll have to go down myself. My vision still stays blurry at times. No, lying down was definitely more comfortable. I lean against the wall, the railing, I understand that I don¡¯t have enough strength and sit down on the steps.


    ¡°Now someone will pass by, and I will ask them to help me.¡±


    But no one is coming yet. I put my head on my knees and close my eyes, I hope time will go faster. But who am I kidding?.. Time passes just as slowly. Plus I¡¯m getting cold. I am already despairing and am about to continue my long journey to the kitchen. But then I feel that someone is quickly descending, and he is lifting me into his arms.

 Part 4. Chapter 3.

    JOHN.


    I was really angry when I saw her in the rain that day. I just wanted to see her. I even went to Dundee for this. It¡¯s good that my father warned me. I wanted to yell at her, shake her by the shoulders and do something else impulsive so that she would understand that this was wrong behavior. My grandmother explained to me since childhood that she was not from our family, and she was accepted out of mercy. And I thought that way for a long time. I didn¡¯t like her; an introverted girl who loves to read. My father and mother devoted a lot of time to her, but it seemed to me that she did not express to them the gratitude that she should have. And I really wanted to get attention from them, but there was none. Only my grandmother revolved around me with her instructions. So it seemed to me.


    Then I started to get older and had more time to think. Sometimes I behaved disgustingly, but all attention was focused on me, even if I was scolded. Then my grandmother decided to pair me with her friend¡¯s granddaughter in order to continue to control my life. And my pseudo-sister seemed like an angel compared to Amber.


    I knew everything, but preferred to remain silent. After all, nothing would have changed, and she wouldn¡¯t have been kicked out just because I threw a tantrum. I was irritated by her boundless patience. When Amber did the nasty thing of setting Christina¡¯s skirt on fire, I tried to dissuade her. But she was determined. I wanted to stop her, but she turned out to be faster. And poor Christina probably thought about me. I felt guilty, but there was nothing I could do to help. And I also began to withdraw.


    At the age of fifteen or sixteen, I finally realized that the problem was with my grandmother. Of course, I was offended by my parents, but it was she who protected me from them, because she tried to raise me like a fragile vase, saving me from all adversity. She may have meant well for me, but she wanted to completely suppress me. And this did not fit with my nature. And I didn¡¯t hesitate to show it to her at any opportunity. At some point I tried to reconsider my attitude towards everything that surrounded me. To a father who worked a lot. Probably for the same reason that I so wanted to get rid of the pressure of an overbearing and tough grandmother, he preferred to be far from home. To the servants who work in our home. And finally, to HER. She was small and completely defenseless. She wasn¡¯t beautiful. At first I tried to offend her, told her all sorts of rude things, but then I realized that I liked something about this unsightly girl. And I am drawn to her. And I couldn¡¯t do anything about it. Just like I couldn¡¯t find an answer to the question: why? I just decided to stay away from her. But that didn¡¯t help much either. She was dating her friend Peter. He was a good guy, but I didn¡¯t like it. Some part of me strongly disagreed with this.


    Grandma kept forcing Amber on me even after I left the house and I couldn¡¯t take it anymore. It seems that during this time she also grew up and became less of a tomboy. She was beautiful, but her beauty did not attract me. I was still drawn to Christina. I decided to just scold her at every meeting, say all sorts of barbs. When she accidentally found out that she was not my mother and father¡¯s daughter, she was shocked. And when she realized that everyone knew about it except her, she probably felt betrayed. I was sure of it. I remembered her face when she saw me after that conversation with my grandmother. I couldn¡¯t forgive myself. I so wanted to hug and feel sorry for her, but I couldn¡¯t do it and just ran away.


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    I tried to intersect with her as little as possible and every time I was drawn like a magnet. I was quite attractive to girls when I was at university. Studying was easy for me, so I did not disdain dates. I could choose any one, but I couldn¡¯t stay with them for a long time. There was something missing in all of them. When I finished studying I moved to Edinburgh. And she studied in Glasgow. So we could be far away from each other. I improved my relationship with my father. It seems that he was happy about it too. After my grandmother left this world, relations between everyone began to improve, but not with HER. She no longer called my father the father and me brother. But I wasn¡¯t that for her by fact. I ended up sharing my headache with my father. He sympathized with me and said he didn¡¯t think I had much of a chance. We are too different. However, he always told me about her successes, and I rejoiced like a child. That day I couldn¡¯t stand it and rushed to Dundee. I recently passed my license and asked my dad to borrow a car that day. He agreed. And then I saw her smiling and wet. She seemed happy. But the rain was freezing, and I was afraid that she would get sick. I took her to the hotel faster. Dad also disapproved of her idea. We made her change clothes and immediately went home. She immediately fell asleep in the back seat. And then it started. I kicked myself for not arriving a little earlier. It would be better if I said a bunch of crap, or, on the contrary, gave vent to my feelings and kissed her, but not this! However, it was impossible to rewind time. She had a fever. Dad carried Christina to her room, and all that was left was to wait. I couldn¡¯t find a place for myself. I was ready to sit next to her as long as necessary, but I couldn¡¯t give myself away now, so I left it to my father and his passion Aela. It seemed that they would soon get married. But if they feel good together, then I didn¡¯t mind. After two days of torment and terrible dreams, I decided to go to the city and find gladioli for her. Neither Claude nor Dad nor she grew them, but she loved flowers, so I got her a bouquet. While she was sleeping, I quietly slipped into the room and placed them on the table. I wanted to be at least a little helpful, even if she didn¡¯t know about it. I fell into oblivion. I shuddered and woke up from the rustling of the door, as it seemed to me. But then there was silence. I thought that I had misheard, but then I decided to check. And then I saw HER. She was sitting on the stairs. Her hands were on her knees. She dropped her pale face at them. I couldn¡¯t stay away any longer.


    I ran down the stairs and carefully picked her up in my arms. She was still too weak:


    ¡°I¡¯m thirsty...¡± She said barely audibly.


    ¡°I¡¯ll bring it now. You just need to get back to bed,¡± I whispered.


    Her hair was so close to my face, I could smell it. And before I put her down, I realized that I seemed to want her. And it was terrible. Now she was liked by me not only mentally, but also physically.

 Part 4. Chapter 4.

    CHRISTINA.


    I try to open my eyes, but my eyelids are so heavy. However, someone picked me up. I¡¯m still thirsty and hungry, and I try to speak as loudly as possible, but nothing comes out. I hope they heard me. But somebody immediately answers me in a whisper that he will bring it. I give up trying to cheer myself up and just rely on the mercy of the one who carries me back to bed. Before laying me down, the man squeezes me a little tighter and a little longer than necessary. Then he lays me down and covers me with a blanket. But he doesn¡¯t leave. I feel like he¡¯s looking at me. And then I hear him say in a whisper:


    ¡°You are so stupid¡±.


    I¡¯m starting to shake nervously. But I try not to show it. He doesn¡¯t linger and leaves quickly. I jump up, the sleep has vanished.


    ¡°Why him? This is definitely not fate. I don¡¯t believe in fate. And in general, why is he here, at home? He¡¯s almost never at home.¡±


    Questions remain, but Aela soon appears.


    ¡°Baby, I brought you some water. There was no need to get up. Do you want to eat something?¡±


    I nod my head. She always understands me. Soon she brings me hot toast with ham and cheese. This seems to be exactly what I need.


    ¡°Where do gladioli come from?¡± I ask.


    She looks surprised and says:


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t bring it. And in general I see them for the first time. Maybe your dad brought¡­¡±


    ¡°Sorry, Aela,¡± I remind her, ¡°but this is a sore subject. Don¡¯t call him that. I understand that he did a lot for me. He loves me, I have no doubt. But why didn¡¯t anyone tell me about this? After all, he and John were the closest people to me, because I believed that we were of the same blood. And now my world has turned upside down. I¡¯m trying to come to my senses, but for some reason I can¡¯t.¡±


    Her face lights up with a kind, snow-white smile, and her freckles dance on her face.


    ¡°Everyone needs different time to realize and accept certain things. You probably need more of it. Now it¡¯s time to rest.¡±


    ¡°Wait,¡± I¡¯m lightly pulling her skirt.


    She looks at me questioningly.


    ¡°Why is John here? He¡¯s rarely at home.¡±


    ¡°Who knows...¡± she says thoughtfully, and leaves me alone.


    ***


    A week later, I finally feel relatively healthy and can afford to go out to the pond near my house and read another book. There is a light breeze in the shade of the trees, and the pages shake a little. I haven¡¯t seen John since he carried me sick back to bed. He probably hates me. We¡¯re not even family. Now he can openly say whatever he wants, and I won¡¯t even be able to object. Not only because I care about him and I¡¯m ready to endure everything, but also because it¡¯s justified. I am nobody, and someday he will get all this. So, when I graduate, I need to find myself a good job, thank the people dear to me, and all the inhabitants of this house are dear to me, and go my own way. Without violating anyone¡¯s personal space. Starting from scratch is always hard, but I will have the opportunities that Jack and the late Jane gave me. It is thanks to them that I am what I am.


    ¡°It takes you a long time to read the page.¡±


    I flinch and the book falls out of my hands.


    ¡°Well, here we go again... Just as clumsy as always.¡±


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    John picks up the book and places it on the bench next to me. He seems to be in a good mood today.


    ¡°I wanted to say that I¡¯m leaving.¡±


    ¡°Are you back to Edinburgh?¡± I ask with a certain note of hopelessness in my voice.


    ¡°Yes of course.¡±


    He twirls the hat in his hands, which he decided to wear with a T-shirt and jeans. This is a little unusual for him.


    ¡°Why are you telling me about this? It seems we don¡¯t have the best relationship?¡±


    ¡°Oh, why did I say that?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just...¡± he says, and without looking back, he leaves.


    ¡°And what was that?¡± I ask myself. I look after him. I really want to stop him, but I can¡¯t and just keep looking after him.


    JOHN.


    My father and I shake hands.


    ¡°Call, son, don¡¯t forget your old father!¡± he tells me, and he laughs.


    ¡°Yah? Quite an old man!¡± I continue his joke, ¡°Sorry that this happened, we need to get back to business. Yes, and you need to relax after busy days.¡±


    ¡°Yes, our girl was hot. However, as always. Sometimes she is unpredictable. Don¡¯t worry, she¡¯s fine, I assure you.¡±


    ¡°I have no doubt,¡± I say, take my hat and go. I want to leave unnoticed, but passing by the pond, I see her and decide to observe a little, remaining quiet. Christina is deep in her book and doesn¡¯t notice me. Although I can¡¯t approach quietly because of the long grass. I look for about five or ten minutes, brown hair is scattered over the shoulders and back. I want to inhale their scent, but I can¡¯t. Plus she might get scared. But I can¡¯t stay here forever. My friend Michael is already waiting for me in the car. We agreed that he was on his way and would give me a lift to Edinburgh.


    ¡°It¡¯s taking you so long to read the page,¡± I tell her.


    The book falls from her hands. I¡¯m picking it up and putting it next to her. I say a couple of phrases about how I need to get back to business. And then she asks me:


    ¡°Why are you telling me about this? It seems we don¡¯t have the best relationship.¡±


    I stand rooted to the spot. This question outraged and confused me at the same time. I need to answer something quickly.


    ¡°It¡¯s just...¡± I say and walk away, trying not to turn to her, otherwise I won¡¯t go anywhere. I think I¡¯m stuck. But why for her?


    ¡°I just love you¡± is spinning in my head.


    ¡°Wow, buddy, what¡¯s with that old-fashioned hat you¡¯re wearing?¡±


    ¡°Hello, Mickey! I¡¯m not late?¡±


    ¡°As you can see, I¡¯m here. And I haven¡¯t left yet. So you¡¯re on time.¡±


    ¡°Then get your horse and let¡¯s go. Hot chicks are waiting for us!¡± I say.


    ¡°I like your attitude, guy,¡± he answers, and the car roars off.


    CHRISTINA.


    I¡¯m alone again. No, of course not. Five other people live in the same house with me. However, there is no main man. The one I¡¯m trying to get out of my head. He left me about a week ago. Two days after he left, I waited until evening and quietly entered his room. I¡¯ve never been here before. It was made in dark colors. I didn¡¯t really look into it. Besides, in the evening the sun had already disappeared below the horizon, and I didn¡¯t want to turn on the light. I felt for the chest of drawers in the dark and opened it. But nothing was visible, so I had to shine my phone¡¯s flashlight. Some of his things lay in the chest of drawers, not very well organized. I rather grabbed something furry. Looks like a sweater. It was so soft when I pressed him to my cheek.


    ¡°No, that¡¯s not possible. Too big and noticeable,¡± I decided and put it back, ¡°what should I take?¡±


    ¡°Chris?! Chris, where are you?¡±


    ¡°Oh my God, it¡¯s Aela! She definitely shouldn¡¯t see me. Damn, the door is slightly open, and I won¡¯t have time to close it.¡±


    I grabbed something small. The steps were getting closer, she seemed to be walking up the stairs. First she went to my room. But of course I wasn¡¯t there.


    ¡°Hmm,¡± she said.


    I quickly crawled under the bed.


    ¡°Chris, I wanted to show you something.¡±


    I held my breath. She came closer, but did not go in, closed the door and went downstairs. It¡¯s not that I shouldn¡¯t come here, but I didn¡¯t want anyone to know about it. Without getting out from under the bed, I shined a flashlight. Apparently this time I came across his T-shirt. It seems blue. However, I understood that I could not take it with me. These are still not my clothes. But I wanted to press it to my nose at least once and take a deep breath. I wanted to know what he smells like and always remember it in difficult moments of life, because we were not destined to be together. At least that¡¯s what I thought.


    John¡¯s T-shirt smelled of something tart and a little sweet. It was very remote. The smell of perfume probably wouldn¡¯t last if it was washed, but he left quite recently. In addition, his things were never touched, and if he wanted, he took them for washing himself. And it worked to my advantage. Nothing was ever rearranged in his room; everything always stood the way he left it. I put it in the depths of the chest of drawers, folding it carefully. Luckily, I could sneak here while no one was looking. I carefully opened the door and looked outside. There was no one nearby. I returned to myself with the memory of this smell, which caused an inexplicable bitterness when I thought about it. In order not to arouse suspicion, I went downstairs a couple of minutes later and said that I had gone to the restroom. Of course she believed me.

 Part 4. Chapter 5.

    I¡¯m a diligent student. This is no secret to anyone. I love spending time in the library. So today I¡¯m going there with Glenn. Kenzi goes to a party. It seems that this is the only thing that can separate brother and sister. I buy coffee for myself and for him at the same time. In fact, I spend a lot of time in the library. After all, there are really a lot of books here. And Glenn doesn¡¯t always read; sometimes he draws comics that only he can understand. He doesn¡¯t share them with anyone. A couple of times I saw, passing by, that there were strange animals from the world of fantasy. But for all Glenn¡¯s modesty and outward dreaminess, these comics looked quite sinister and did not evoke any desire to be interested in their contents.


    ¡°Maybe he is not so different from Kenzi?¡± I thought, but still didn¡¯t attach any significance to what I saw.


    Glenn¡¯s hair has grown over the summer and falls almost to his shoulders in light waves. Sometimes he wears it in a ponytail on top of his head, but today it just frames his thin face, making him look almost transparent. The matter is complicated by a hoodie that is several sizes too big. He goes deeper into the book. I do this too, periodically sipping coffee from a glass. When the coffee runs out, I pause and notice him staring at me. I don¡¯t know how long ago.


    ¡°Everything is fine?¡± I ask him.


    But he doesn¡¯t seem to hear and continues to look straight at me. I wave my hand in front of his face. He winces.


    ¡°Sorry, I was just thinking¡­¡±


    And he immediately looks away, pretending to be engrossed in reading, but then suddenly asks:


    ¡°The weather today is cloudy, but it¡¯s still not that cold. Do you want to go for a walk?¡±


    To be honest, I don¡¯t really want to tear myself away from the book and go somewhere, but I don¡¯t have many friends at the university, so I agree.


    ¡°Just a little while, Glenn,¡± I tell him.


    We go out and walk down the street. It¡¯s October. There is almost no wind. Yellow leaves fall slowly, sometimes turning over in the air once or twice. My dark red plaid skirt makes it a little difficult for me to walk, because it is not very short, and Glenn walks at his own pace, and it is no use asking him to slow down. We are silent, and then he suddenly stops at a coffee shop and says:


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    ¡°Can you wait for me a minute?¡±


    ¡°He is strange,¡± I think. And I answer him myself:


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    It takes a little longer, but he returns quickly enough and hands me a heart-shaped cookie on a stick.


    ¡°What is this?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Take it...¡± he replies, ¡°It¡¯s delicious, I¡¯m telling you for sure.¡±


    I take it, but I really don¡¯t understand why I need it. I¡¯m about to put it in my bag, but he snatches the wand from my hands and hands it to me again:


    ¡°We¡¯re friends, right? I have almost no friends, but with you I don¡¯t feel out of place, just like with Kenzi¡­¡±


    He pauses briefly and continues:


    ¡°I want you to eat it now. No need to put it off until later.¡±


    I can¡¯t say that I¡¯m really hungry right now, but I decided not to offend the guy. He really has no friends except his sister. But she has plenty of them.


    ¡°In this they are completely different. Probably their relationship is not as ideal as it seems to me from the outside,¡± I conclude.


    ¡°Okay, friend, I¡¯ll eat, but...¡± I grab his hand and drag him back to the coffee shop, ¡°you forgot about the drinks. You don¡¯t want me to choke on your cookies, do you?¡±


    Luckily, they sell more than just coffee. And I take two cans of cola.


    ¡°Take it,¡± I hand it to him.


    ¡°What for?¡± He resists.


    ¡°Everything should be mutual,¡± I say and smile at him with one of the widest smiles I can muster.


    In fact, I know that she and Kenzie share one scholarship. Because she is still more successful than him. In addition, sometimes they work part-time, while Jack pays for me, even though I¡¯m not his daughter. So strange.


    ¡°This will end soon,¡± I remind myself, ¡°you have to find the strength in yourself and give up all of this, girl, it doesn¡¯t belong to you. Find your own way, move into a room for four, find a part-time job and be independent. Don¡¯t abuse the kindness of strangers. You know how to paint portraits to order.¡±


    Exactly, I can draw portraits to order!


    We are standing under a large oak tree. Glenn finishes his Coke, I¡¯ve already finished mine. An acorn falls on my head.


    ¡°Damn it!¡± I swear.


    A twig from it gets tangled in my hair.


    ¡°Wait,¡± Glenn says, ¡°lean over a little. Like this,¡± he takes out a twig.


    ¡°I think we should head back to the dorm, don¡¯t you think?¡± I say dissatisfied.


    ¡°Yes, you¡¯re right,¡± he replies.


    We return and disperse to different sides of the building. That same evening I go online and try to see other artists who do the same thing as me. I find that the market is already crowded. My idea fails miserably. Then I decided to look for jobs that require my abilities. I find one suitable, but... I¡¯ve never drawn sketches for clothes. And now I need to decide, will I train or will I leave everything as it is and look for something else?

 Part 4. Chapter 6.

    JOHN.


    Life in Edinburgh goes on as usual. I practice with an elderly mathematician and sometimes teach lessons in his place. Unfortunately, he is not in very good health. Middle school girls respect me, and older girls always look at me with wide, loving eyes. I¡¯m used to it, but it still annoys me a little. I have a colleague named Linda. She is also young, but three years older than me. She¡¯s twenty-six. Sometimes she and I go for coffee at a nearby cafe after we finish our work day, or we visit each other and play video games. I¡¯m not sure if she likes me, but sometimes she acts a little strange. When I have free days, we meet with Mike and his friends. They are a little strange, but I like their company, I belong among them. Linda doesn¡¯t approve of Mikey. I don¡¯t think it concerns her. We are not in a relationship. I think she¡¯s trying too hard to get into my personal space. But I try to ignore these moments on her part, because I still need to communicate with her at school. I don¡¯t need conflicts. If I have absolutely nothing to do, I go to the gym nearby. This is better than spending time with myself and asking myself how Christina is doing, what she is doing, whether she ate and slept well.


    Yesterday I called my father. He¡¯s asking me to come this weekend for an engagement party he¡¯s planning. True, his precious half is not yet aware. But I think it¡¯s worth a look. For some reason Linda also wants to go with me. And she expresses his desire so persistently. And I just shared the news with her today that my father will soon marry for the second time. I decided to call him.


    ¡°Hello. I¡¯m listening.¡±


    ¡°Hi, Dad. There is one problem. How about I not come alone?¡±


    ¡°Young woman?¡± he asks.


    ¡°No, colleague... Will Christina come?¡± I ask after a short silence.


    ¡°Well, I told her. She seems to be getting ready.¡±


    ¡°Is she alone? Or will she also invite someone with her? It¡¯s not her style though. Okay, dad. Keep in mind, there will be two of us.¡±


    ¡°Okay, John. There is still so much to do.¡±


    ¡°Listen, how will you present all this to Aela?¡±


    ¡°I said that we haven¡¯t gotten together for a long time. In fact it is. Besides, since you won¡¯t come alone, it¡¯s even better.¡±


    ¡°OK. See you Saturday then. Wait for us in the evening.¡±


    ¡°Will you take Michael¡¯s car?¡± he asks.


    ¡°For now, yes. No options. Next year I¡¯ll take mine out on credit,¡± I say.


    ¡°I¡¯ll help you with the down payment.¡±


    ¡°Not at all necessary, but we¡¯ll see.¡± This ends our conversation.


    ***


    ¡°Take it, friend. What kind of chick is this?¡± Mike asks, looking at Linda, smoking on the sidelines and looking displeased in our direction.


    ¡°Oh, this? Her name is Linda. It¡¯s better not to get involved, she¡¯s a bore,¡± I wave him off, ¡°besides, she doesn¡¯t like you.¡±


    ¡°Wait, wait, did you tell her about me?¡± Mikey smiles.


    ¡°Nothing special. She just knows that I communicate with you and the guys, and she always makes this face.¡±


    I roll my eyes and make a pained expression on my face. Mike cackles.


    ¡°She is a brave little girl. So this is your girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t even joke like that,¡± I snort.


    ¡°Then I just have to meet her,¡± he says and heads towards Linda.


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    ¡°She¡¯s twenty-six,¡± I say, ¡°and she works as a teacher at school.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s even better.¡±


    He throws me the car keys and goes to Linda. I throw my gym bag in the trunk, there are a few changes of clothes in there. I sit in his Skoda and laugh to myself. I¡¯m sure she¡¯ll blow him away. I start the car and drive up. I open the right window and lean out:


    ¡°Do we drive?¡±


    ¡°Get out and put my suitcase too. Let¡¯s go already,¡± she says.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk to me like that,¡± I answer, but I still go out and put her suitcase in the trunk next to my bag. She sits down.


    ¡°Well? Did you get turned away?¡± I ask Mike.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, you¡¯ll see, she¡¯ll still be mine.¡±


    ¡°Come on, come on, Mikey. Tomorrow I will return your car to you safe and sound.¡±


    I pat him on the shoulder and get into the car. We¡¯re setting off. At first we¡¯re driving in silence. The route is a little winding. It¡¯s almost evening, about an hour more to go. I turn on the music quietly. The Beatles are a classic. But my idyll does not last long. Just when I¡¯m starting to forget that I¡¯m not actually driving alone, a voice comes from the back seat:


    ¡°Can you stop? I do not feel well.¡±


    ¡°Should you turn off the music?¡± I ask.


    ¡°No, I just want to go out. Can you help?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say.


    I pull over to the side of the road and turn off the engine. I open the back door.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you sit forward?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s more space here.¡±


    She actually settled down with her feet in the back seat.


    ¡°Linda, get out!¡±


    ¡°Give me your hand, please,¡± she asks.


    ¡°What a complicated woman,¡± I¡¯m thinking, but I still extend my hand. But instead of taking help, she pulls me on herself. I can¡¯t keep my balance and feel like I¡¯m starting to fall into the seat.


    ¡°Damn it!¡± ¡ª I swear and then hastily add, ¡°Sorry.¡±


    I rest my knee on the seat between her legs, and with my right hand I try to hold on to the backrest.She no longer holds my left hand, but puts it on her chest. From the realization of how ridiculous the situation is, I only now noticed that her tight shirt is unbuttoned by three buttons, she is not wearing a bra, and her breasts are rather large.


    ¡°The usual cunning thing. And you believed it,¡± I mentally scold myself.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, just stay in this position a little longer...¡± she purrs, ¡°Relax... Do you want to unfasten one more button?¡±


    ¡°Okay, we have to finish,¡± my brain says to me.


    But instead I run my thumb over her nipple through her shirt. Linda moans softly right next to my ear. I didn¡¯t even notice, I was already in the seat next to her, and the car door was slammed. She runs her hand down my jeans right there. Then she climbs onto my lap and rubs her delicious buns on them. It seems my penis has rebelled.


    ¡°Mmm, looks like someone hasn¡¯t had anything for a long time. This won¡¯t do,¡± she says and unbuttons two more buttons on her shirt. Her breasts are completely exposed. She leans closer to my face and licks my lips with her tongue. Then she pushes it inside and starts kissing me slowly. I close my eyes and respond with a mutual greedy kiss and I¡¯m ready to surrender to her power, to follow my animal instincts, but then the image of Christina appears in my head. Strict, judgmental and a little sad. And my consciousness immediately begins to protest.


    ¡°Stop! Linda, stop it. I am not ready. I don¡¯t like it in the car,¡± I¡¯m lying. I gotta say something.


    ¡°But you were ready, what¡¯s wrong?!¡± She pouts her lips offendedly.


    ¡°Just not now, okay? I love a cozy environment.¡±


    I get behind the wheel again and speed up. My beloved, with whom I will never be together, is probably already home. It seems that now I almost did something for which I could scold myself later.


    The sun will soon set below the horizon. Linda seems offended. But when we drive up, she looks at our house and tells me:


    ¡°Wow, guy, you¡¯re rich!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s unlikely, this is the family mansion of the late grandparents. Although my grandfather died before I arrived.¡±


    ¡°Yes, it¡¯s really cozy in such a house...¡± she says meaningfully.


    ¡°Will you go out on your own? I¡¯ll go get our things.¡±


    ¡°Yes, don¡¯t worry about me,¡± she smiles at one corner of her mouth. But nothing can be hidden from my sight.


    ¡°What a devil!¡±


    ***


    Aela is fussing. Dad asked to put a lot of cutlery on the table. All the employees of the house know that today they are all at the same table with us for the sake of a very important event. Only the heroine of the occasion does not know about this. Linda¡¯s things are in one of the guest rooms.


    ¡°I want to see your room,¡± she says.


    ¡°Slow down girl!¡± I pull her back.


    ¡°It¡¯s interesting,¡± she whines with disappointment.


    ¡°When will she finally shut up?¡± I ask myself.


    ¡°Where...¡± I ask my father. He points his finger towards her room.


    ¡°I see,¡± I say.


    ¡°Wear something more festive,¡± he asks.


    ¡°Of course, dad.¡±


    He leaves us alone.


    ¡°Make yourself comfortable. In the meantime, I¡¯ll go to my place. Then we¡¯ll come back and go have dinner,¡± I addressed Linda.


    I go up to my room. I have a fuzzy knitted sweater. It is perfect for such an event. I look into the chest of drawers, and¡­


    ¡°It was here!¡± I say to myself.


    I try to check everything again, but again I don¡¯t see it. This is weird. It was definitely in the chest of drawers.


    ¡°Well now... There¡¯s no time to look.¡±


    I take a cardigan from the hanger with a knitted winter forest on it. Dad brought this one from his expeditions. He bought it especially for me. He probably really cared about me, to the best of his ability. The cardigan and gray T-shirt are accompanied by dark jeans, which I take from the bag that I brought with me. OK it¡¯s all over now. I¡¯m going down. I need to call my lustful colleague.

 Part 4. Chapter 7.

    CHRISTINA.


    What should I wear? Oh my God! His door creaked. My heart is pounding. I hate myself for this. I chose a dress with blue and white vertical stripes. I¡¯m looking in the mirror. This makes me look a little taller. Exactly what is needed. It¡¯s funny that I try so hard for him even though I have no chance. Shoes¡­ Let there be sandals with a small thick heel. Hairstyle¡­ Two loose tails flowing over the shoulders. And also makeup. Although I¡¯m not strong at this, I make it light in brown tones. I look in the mirror again, and it reflects a quite pretty girl who really looks like she¡¯s nineteen. I need to go down.


    I open the door and go down to the dining room. Everything is already assembled. Only John is missing.


    ¡°Marie, can I help you carry it?¡± I ask.


    ¡°No, honey, I don¡¯t need anything. We¡¯re almost done.¡±


    A couple of minutes later he appears. He isn¡¯t alone. Next to him is a sultry brunette in trousers and an emerald-colored top. She is skinny. There is something tough but attractive about her features. She reeks of authority. And she¡¯s tall. I feel so helpless. I want to run away and cry in my room. After all, I¡¯m trying completely in vain. But I try to hold on, because they immediately head in my direction.


    ¡°Who is this here with us?¡± She asks arrogantly, and I¡¯m ready to fall through the ground as if I¡¯ve done something bad.


    ¡°Meet me,¡± he says to me, ¡°this is Linda, my¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m his girlfriend!¡± She looks at me with a destroying look.


    ¡°And this is Christina, my sister,¡± he continues more loudly. Everyone turns in our direction.


    I want to object, but he discreetly shakes my hand lightly and looks at me. I quickly look away. But what did I see in that short moment when our eyes met? Was it support? I guess it was just my imagination.


    ***


    ¡°My kitty, I have something for you,¡± Jack turns to Aela.


    She looks at him questioningly.


    ¡°Chris, give it to me, please.¡±


    ¡°Take it,¡± I hand him a small box upholstered in velvet. Since they are sitting next to each other, he asks her to stand up.


    ¡°You know, my love,¡± Jack begins, and Aela begins to feel shy. Freckles are dancing on her cheeks.


    ¡°When I first met you, it was a difficult time for me and my family. But you illuminated my life with your radiant smile, and the pain of loss receded. You always supported me and my children, even if sometimes it made you uncomfortable. And you always took care of my mother, until her last breath, and tolerated her whims. You took care of me while I didn¡¯t give much in return. Now it¡¯s time to change everything, and it¡¯s time for me to show how I can answer you. Aela Scott, will you marry me?¡±


    The heroine of the occasion covers her mouth with her hand, then laughs nervously, then almost cries. Jack hugs her reassuringly.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to give an answer now if you don¡¯t want to.¡±


    ¡°No, I agree! I was just worried.¡±


    She extends her hand to him, and he places a ring with a small but very elegant emerald on her finger.


    ¡°It will suit you perfectly.¡±


    With these words they freeze in a short, tender kiss. Everyone is making noise with delight. And then we continue drinking and having fun. All this time, only Linda is staring at me, but I try not to pay attention.


    ***


    After a noisy feast, everyone, tired and happy, goes about their business. I run upstairs to change clothes and go out to get some fresh air.


    I¡¯m wearing regular skinny jeans and a denim jacket. October is already coming to an end. Almost all the leaves have fallen. And this is just in tune with my mood. It would seem that nothing could spoil it. However, Linda comes out behind me almost immediately.


    ¡°Wait, girl, what¡¯s your name?¡± She shouts after me.


    ¡°He never had such a brazen girlfriend before. Let¡¯s see what she says,¡± I say to myself.


    I turn around and wait for her.


    ¡°I am Christina, and I am listening to you carefully¡­¡±


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    Yes, yes, listen very carefully. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re not brother and sister, you don¡¯t even look alike. I don¡¯t know why John calls you that, or why his father calls you daughter. After all, you don¡¯t look like him either. Or did your mother conceive you on the side?!¡±


    Everything is boiling inside me. She seems to be provoking.


    ¡°How dare you say that about me and my parents? My mother died, do you understand?! Now leave me alone!¡± I¡¯m about to leave, but she grabs my sleeve.


    ¡°Keep in mind, if you hang around my boyfriend, I will destroy you with the snap of a finger. You are dressed up like a cheap slut. You¡¯re so pathetic.¡±


    ¡°Are you finished?¡± I ask coldly, but there is a fire inside me of anger and resentment, ¡°John is my brother, that¡¯s true. But his personal life has nothing to do with me. Now go home to him and fuck him to death. I think that¡¯s what you want to hear from me. Besides, I¡¯m not alone. But I¡¯m not yet ready to introduce my Glenn to my dad, unlike John, who brings his ¡°girls¡± almost every time. And I will dress as I see fit.¡±


    ¡°I see how you look at him!..¡± she shouts after me.


    But I mentally send her to hell and quickly walk forward. I don¡¯t understand why she treats me this way. She doesn¡¯t know me at all. Or maybe John told her something¡­ It doesn¡¯t matter what happened, she¡¯s too aggressive and it¡¯s not fair. In addition, she is very quick-witted.


    ¡°And why did John call me sister again when everyone already knows everything?¡±


    It¡¯s good that I have my phone with me.


    ¡°Hello, Peter? Are you in the city? What a coincidence, me too! Can we meet? I want to take a walk around the city in the evening... Okay, let¡¯s go there. How soon will you be able to?.. Yes, see you!¡±


    After about forty minutes he finally comes up. Ten o¡¯clock.


    ¡°Hello. How are you? What¡¯s up?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t complain. I just got a little cold while I was waiting for you.¡±


    ¡°Would you like some coffee? It seems one of the coffee shops is still open.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea. I didn¡¯t take my wallet with me.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense. We haven¡¯t seen each other for a hundred years. This time I¡¯m paying, you¡¯ll have to me for the next time. A new reason to meet,¡± he laughs.¡±


    ¡°Okay, okay, I give up!¡± I playfully raise my hands up.


    The coffee shop is warm and has cozy dim lighting.


    ¡°Good evening. Do you want it to go?¡± The girl barista smiles at us warmly.


    ¡°No, we¡¯ll be eating here,¡± Peter answers her.


    ¡°We close in half an hour.¡±


    ¡°This suits us. Irish coffee and one iced glass, please. And two cheesecakes, chocolate and strawberry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. From you eighteen pounds.¡±


    ¡°So why did you decide to call me so unexpectedly? As far as I know you, you are not that impulsive in your decisions. And if you had planned, you would have warned me not an hour in advance, but several days in advance.¡±


    ¡°I guess you¡¯re right,¡± I answer, sipping my coffee through a straw. Peter looks at me curiously.


    ¡°I just felt uneasy. I wanted to walk alone near home. I don¡¯t have classes next Monday and I don¡¯t have to go back to Glasgow tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°So you study in Glasgow?¡±


    ¡°Yes. At the art school.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not surprised. Is your father helping?¡±


    ¡°Certainly. Although I have a scholarship. And I¡¯m also thinking about looking for a job. More precisely, I almost found it. Just¡­ Don¡¯t call him that anymore, please.¡±


    ¡°Whom? Uncle Jack?¡± He looks at me in amazement.


    ¡°You do not know, do you? He is not my real dad.¡±


    ¡°Well, well, well, wait. Is this what you want to talk about? Then how about we go to my parents¡¯ house? They will be glad to see you. Besides, we will have the whole night free to talk.¡±


    ¡°We should probably call Jack. I won¡¯t be back until the morning¡­ Hi, Jack?¡±


    ¡°Christina, where are you?¡±


    ¡°Jack, I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m probably distracting you.¡±


    ¡°No, no, everything is OK. We were just about to go to bed. What¡¯s happened? Will you get home by yourself? Take a taxi.¡±


    ¡°Everything is fine. I met with Peter.¡±


    ¡°Oh, say hi to him!¡±


    ¡°Of course, I will.¡±


    Peter indicated that he wanted to talk to him himself. I shrugged and handed him my phone.


    ¡°Good evening, Uncle Jack! Sorry to bother you so late. Christina forgot her wallet. But don¡¯t worry. I was just inviting her to stay with us for the night. Besides, mom and dad hadn¡¯t seen her for a long time and missed her very much. Tomorrow I will send her home in the afternoon when she wakes up. Do you mind?¡±...¡°Good night, Uncle Jack!¡±


    He gives me the phone back.


    ¡°Uncle Jack doesn¡¯t worry anymore. He only said that I personally put his precious daughter in the taxi.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re closing!¡± the barista girl announces.


    ¡°We¡¯re already leaving. Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Come again, you are so sweet,¡± she smiles at us.


    We look at each other and smile too.


    ***


    Peter and I chatted all night. I told him about the fact that I was an adopted daughter, and about my student successes, and about my new friends, and about the rude girl Linda, who offended me in the evening. He listened and did not interrupt me. In the end, I decided to ask him:


    ¡°Are you no longer offended by me?¡±


    Peter was silent for a moment.


    ¡°I can¡¯t be offended by you. It¡¯s your choice. I really loved you, and at first it was very difficult for me when you said that we would not be together. But then you introduced me to Amber. And whatever she did as a child is in the past. She is a very good girl.¡±


    ¡°Oh, so are you dating?¡± My eyes immediately lit up with curiosity.


    ¡°Yes. Of course, it didn¡¯t happen right away, but four months ago we became a couple. And you know, we are very comfortable together. We understand each other.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m very glad for you!!!¡± I clapped my hands.


    ¡°Hush hush. What do you have? Did you find anyone? What¡¯s his name? Glenn, is that so?¡±


    ¡°No, no, he¡¯s not my boyfriend. I told Linda this out of spite¡­ But I really have loved one person for a very long time. Maybe you will scold me, but I will tell you that this is none other than... John.¡±


    ¡°Unexpectedly, to be honest,¡± he said, ¡°Yes, this boy was always there. Does he know?¡±


    ¡°No. But he shouldn¡¯t either.¡±


    ¡°I understand. But if you want to get it, you¡¯ll have to work hard. He does not give the impression of a simple and understandable person. His head is probably full of his own cockroaches. And you need to tame these same cockroaches. And be careful, otherwise you may get hurt because of him. And I don¡¯t want you to suffer. You are still very dear to me.¡±


    With these words, he took my hands in his and looked me straight in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable, and again I felt that I was to blame. It seemed like something was still smoldering inside him. But I tried to smile and said deliberately cheerfully:


    ¡°Of course, you know, I am me. And I can handle everything. He will fall at my feet... Just kidding!¡± I let out a nervous laugh.


    ¡°I know you can,¡± he answered completely seriously, ¡°just try not to get into trouble.¡±

 Part 4. Chapter 8.

    JOHN.


    ¡°It seems that life has begun to change. But in what direction?¡±


    This is exactly the question I¡¯ve been asking myself lately. On the one hand, now I have wonderful sex, and perhaps even too much of it in my life. On the other hand, I don¡¯t like Linda at all as a person. She¡¯s tough, sometimes cruel to me, sometimes I hate her, but when she drags me into bed, I can¡¯t resist. It also happens that she might hit me, then everything in me boils, and I am ready to strangle her. At such moments, she again manipulates my body, and I, like a zombie, give up and follow her, because I so want to hear her moans and forget about everything that surrounds me. Unfortunately, my friend Mikey and I no longer communicate. I just don¡¯t have time. I don¡¯t even have time to think about Christina because on weekdays I have to wait for Linda if my classes end early. And when we come home, we eat, watch a movie, I give her a massage or we just fuck. We fuck all weekend with short smoke breaks, when Linda needs it, we order food from restaurants and alcohol for delivery. Only when the courier arrives does she greet him with a wide smile, half dressed. And he stares at her barely covered tits. It annoys me, but at the same time it makes me excited. It seems she figured me out. I moved in with her and no longer rent my cozy apartment with a plasma TV a couple of blocks from our shared home.


    There is only one thing that seriously worries me. She hates Christina. Even her name does not allow me to mention it. She also doesn¡¯t respect my father and doesn¡¯t want me to communicate with him. I don¡¯t understand what her hostility is based on, but if I try to object, she starts to get angry. She wears high, pointed heels and throws them at me as soon as she doesn¡¯t like something. I¡¯m already used to deviating so that they don¡¯t hit me. After that she usually tries to humiliate me in every way. And yes, in the intimate too. This torture has been going on for six months now, but I still work at the same school and gain practice. Of course, I can¡¯t leave this place yet. And sex with her has become like a drug for me, for which I am willing to endure a lot. Has she really broken me?


    ***


    Finally, I still had a free evening. It was Linda¡¯s friend¡¯s birthday. She decided that she would go there alone. I didn¡¯t mind. I¡¯m incredibly tired of her. And then I called my father.


    ¡°Hi, Dad!¡±


    ¡°Oh, I haven¡¯t heard from you for a long time. Are you okay, son?¡± His voice sounded a little worried.


    ¡°It was a lot of work,¡± I answered evasively, ¡°how was it at home? How¡¯s your fiancee?¡±


    ¡°Aela? She is amazing. Recently Christina came and they picked out a wedding dress together. Aela¡¯s brother also came. You won¡¯t believe it, but they are almost the same person with their faces. Only he is calmer than her. By the way, she wants to find herself a new job.¡±


    ¡°When do you want to have your wedding?¡±


    ¡°In early September. You¡¯ll come, won¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I will try. Honestly dad, I will try my best. At the beginning of September there will be a lot of work, you will need to have time to cope.¡±


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    ¡°I will wait for you. Will you visit us in the summer?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know yet, but I¡¯ll come with Linda.¡±


    ¡°Has this chimera calmed down yet?¡± the father asked.


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t ask. She¡¯s weird. Okay, dad, be there. When I have time, I¡¯ll call you again.¡±


    ¡°Take care of yourself,¡± said a voice on the phone and a beep was heard.


    I thought, continuing to hold the phone in my hands:


    ¡°How is my girl doing? Is she sleeping well and eating? Is this mysterious guy Glenn offending her? I wish I could see him and explain how to treat my precious... sister?¡±


    Unfortunately, for many people, we were still brother and sister, because we had the same last name.


    ***


    ¡°Darling, are you home?¡± Linda opens the door with one hand and laughs loudly.


    ¡°You said that you live alone,¡± a male voice with a slight accent answers her.


    ¡°Sam, it doesn¡¯t matter if you can fuck me right here, right?¡±


    ¡°Of course, baby!¡±


    I leave the bedroom.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on here?!¡± I¡¯m asking.


    ¡°Kiss me Sam, right now¡­¡±


    Anger begins to boil inside me and I say more loudly:


    ¡°I thought I asked a question!¡±


    ¡°Wait a minute. Get in the bedroom,¡± she tells her companion, and then grabs me by the collar.


    ¡°Come with me,¡± she hisses, and then pushes me into the bathroom, and, without turning on the light, begins to pull off my pants, kissing me as she goes.


    I try to push her away, and it seems that our lips are no longer touching, but then I hear a ringing sound, and my cheek begins to burn with hellfire. And again. In the dark, I can¡¯t grab her hand, and now I hear a sound on the other side of my face.


    ¡°Damn it!¡± I curse to myself.


    And again I get a slap in the face, a very strong one. My face is already buzzing, I¡¯m looking for the switch. She tries to pull my pants down again.


    ¡°What a bitch you are!¡± I¡¯m furious.


    She manages to manage my clothes when I finally turn on the light. I feel both pain and pleasure. I feel dizzy. But then she interrupts, not allowing me to finish. I hold my hand on the wall, my vision begins to double.


    ¡°Me? Yes, I¡¯m a bitch. If you don¡¯t like something, you can leave here. Just find the key to the apartment first. I closed it. Or you can join Sam and me. His instrument is still not occupied. And you can still talk, which means you also have some freedom.¡±


    ¡°How dare you?!¡±


    ¡°Shut up!¡± She interrupts me, ¡°Have a good evening, baby.¡±


    She kicks me in the side with her heel, and I end up sliding down the wall. The door slams and I lose consciousness.


    When I come to my senses, the light is still on, I try to get up, but my head is too heavy.


    ¡°You have to,¡± I tell myself.


    I don¡¯t remember where my phone is, but I¡¯m crawling on the floor. In the evening I was lying on the bed, probably the phone was there.


    ¡°No, you need to get up, five minutes won¡¯t change anything. Pull yourself together and get up.¡±


    I finally find the strength and slowly walk to the bedroom. Apparently it¡¯s morning. This idiot hasn¡¯t left yet. They sleep peacefully without even getting dressed. His head rests on her flat tummy.


    ¡°That¡¯s disgusting!¡±


    The phone is not on the nightstand, but I see it on the floor. I picked it up. There¡¯s a crack on it. Luckily the screen works. I go into the living room, fall exhausted on the sofa and try to find my father¡¯s number in my contacts. But my fingers press on another person¡¯s name. I lift my T-shirt, but it won¡¯t budge. And then I pay attention to what¡¯s red on the side.


    ¡°This is blood! This is bad,¡± I slowly realize.


    ¡°Hello...¡± a sleepy and familiar voice answers on the phone.


    My heart skips a beat.


    ¡°Hello¡­¡±


    ¡°But what am I doing?!¡± I immediately switched off. ¡°It¡¯s good that she doesn¡¯t know this number.¡±


    ¡°Da-ad,¡± I say quietly, ¡°I have problems. Sorry it¡¯s so early, but I need help...¡±


    My father arrived an hour and a half later. It was about nine in the morning. He took me to the hospital where I was treated. The police witnessed the consequences of the conflict. I was discharged from my job. Fortunately, the principal understood me and apologized for Linda. This is how two weeks of rest and time to rethink myself and my actions appeared in my life.

 Part 4. Chapter 9.

    CHRISTINA.


    The sun comes out from behind a cloud. I sit in the campus courtyard and sketch asymmetrical blouses. I was hired for a part-time job. I send them my sketches and receive a small payment for it. I¡¯m saving the money for a wedding gift for Jack and Aela. I haven¡¯t decided what to give them yet. It¡¯s good that I have a few more months. It¡¯s June outside, but it¡¯s cool. Of course, this is not always the case, but today it is especially noticeable. I¡¯m wearing a stretch dress the color of coffee with milk, a light jacket thrown over top and white sneakers. Hair in a ponytail and a cap on backwards.


    ¡°Good job,¡± someone remarks, leaning over me.


    This is Glenn. Today he is not as gloomy as usual.


    ¡°Shall I sit down?¡± He asks, and without waiting for an answer, he sits down opposite me. This is his habit lately. To watch me continuously, this has been going on since October. He tries to go with me everywhere when time allows. I can¡¯t say I like it, but his sister Kenzie looked at us and said she was leaving him in my care and began spending less time with her brother and more time with her new friend. I guess they are more than just friends, because one day I noticed this couple among the trees, and they quickly kissed. Whether it was a joke or not, I didn¡¯t consider it. It¡¯s not my business.


    Glenn annoys me with his silence and the constant gaze that I feel on me, but I feel terribly sorry for this lonely guy. However, I prefer to ignore his strange behavior. He always looks like a shadow. Sometimes we communicate, but he always tries to move on to discussing me, wanting me to tell him something about my life. But I don¡¯t think he needs to know that much about me.


    ¡°How is John doing?¡± I ask myself. A few days ago someone called me. He breathed heavily into the phone, but didn¡¯t say a word. ¡°Who could it be?¡±


    I finish a new collection of sketches and decide to call my dad.


    ¡°Jack, hi. How are you?¡±


    ¡°Hello, Chris. I¡¯m a bit busy. Everything is as usual with us. And you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m doing great. The exams are just around the corner, I¡¯m getting ready. I decided to take a break and call you.¡±


    ¡°My good girl,¡± comes an approving exclamation from the receiver.


    ¡°Listen, Jack, is everything okay with John?¡±


    ¡°Why are you asking?¡± His voice noticeably tensed.


    ¡°I was curious. No other reason for it.¡±


    ¡°No, everything is great. He is OK. Bye, honey.¡±


    He switches off.


    ¡°Somehow it doesn¡¯t look like Jack... It¡¯s strange.¡± I think and continue working. But the feeling of anxiety does not leave me.


    ¡°Stop looking at me! ¡°I tell Glenn irritably. Suddenly he answers:


    ¡°If I want to watch, I will watch. And you can¡¯t stop me from doing this.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll go, sorry,¡± I say.


    ¡°I¡¯m going with you,¡± he also gets up.


    ¡°Glenn, I want to be alone.¡±


    ¡°And I want to be with you,¡± he retorts.


    ¡°I understand, but I may have matters with my family that don¡¯t concern you. We can figure it out ourselves. You may not understand. You have no one except your grandfather, and you don¡¯t communicate very often. But I have a dad, his future wife and a brother, and we communicate regularly.¡±


    ¡°Or maybe I also want to be part of this family?!¡±


    ¡°What did you say?!¡± I feel really angry.


    ¡°Look, Glenn, don¡¯t bother me¡­¡±


    ¡°What if not? What will you do to me? Are you going to complain to daddy?!¡± He roughly grabs my hand, ¡°come with me.¡±


    ¡°It hurts, but it¡¯s okay, now I¡¯ll deal with him,¡± I think.


    ¡°Wait!¡± I¡¯m a little reluctant, ¡°Let me at least take the sketches¡­¡±


    Glenn stops, then goes back, throws the sketches into his backpack, without letting go of my hand, and drags me further.


    ¡°Hey!¡± I call out to him.


    ¡°Shut up and just walk,¡± his face became gloomy and impenetrable again.


    ¡°What the hell is happening to him?¡± I ask myself.


    We leave campus and go to the bus stop. I try to get some kind of answer, but he is silent. Finally, he mutters through clenched teeth:


    ¡°Either you remain silent and don¡¯t resist, or now I¡¯ll hit you. And it doesn¡¯t bother me that there are people nearby.¡±


    Then we drive in silence. Finally, we get off the bus and go to one of the houses on the next street. Glenn opens the door and goes up to the third floor, opens some apartment and pushes me forward and goes in himself. Then he calmly closes the door and puts the key in his pocket.


    ¡°And how do you want me to understand this?!¡± I ask angrily.


    ¡°Go into the bedroom,¡± he says, ¡°and I¡¯ll be in the kitchen. When you need me, I¡¯ll call you. But give me your phone. You can turn it off, I don¡¯t need it. I just don¡¯t want you to call anyone. There are some books there. You love to read.¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± I say irritably.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look like I¡¯m so thin, it doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m weak. You¡¯re already convinced of this, right? Now be a good girl and do as I say...¡± he continues just as calmly.


    ¡°What an idiot! There are devils in still waters. It¡¯s not for nothing that they say so,¡± I tell myself.


    Nevertheless, I go to this strange room. There really are a few books on the shelf. I take off my sneakers and land on my back on the bed. There¡¯s no point in raging. Looks like this guy is not so simple. Well, then I¡¯ll just lie here for a while and think about myself and John. I close my eyes. After a while, I still begin to fall asleep, but I quickly wake up because I feel that someone is touching my face. I quickly realize who is in front of me and jump up.


    ¡°Calm down. Put on your sneakers and go to the kitchen.¡±


    There is a bottle of wine and snacks in the kitchen.


    ¡°Will you have a drink with me?¡± Glenn asks, not taking his eyes off me.


    ¡°Of course,¡± I say.


    ¡°Ha, well, let¡¯s see how tough a nut you are,¡± I think to myself.


    He opens the bottle and pours wine into my glass. He also pours himself a drink, but less.


    ¡°Stop, stop, stop. This won¡¯t do,¡± I tell him, ¡°if you want us to drink together, pour the same amount, or do you want to say that a woman is worse than a man?¡±


    ¡°Of course not,¡± he says and tops up his own to the same level.


    He raises his glass:


    ¡°Cheers!¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    The glasses clink slightly. I drink my glass as slowly as possible. He pours a second one, but doesn¡¯t seem to want to drink it.


    ¡°Yours is not empty yet.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± I answer, ¡°I¡¯m just trying to feel this taste.¡±


    He looks at me suspiciously, but I look so natural that he decides to start his own glass.


    ¡°Well, since we drank for my health, now it¡¯s worth drinking to you?¡±


    We¡¯re drinking again. I get up and approach him. He looks at me questioningly. I sit on his lap:


    ¡°You don¡¯t mind, do you?¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± He seems unable to speak from surprise.


    ¡°More wine?¡± I ask.


    I add a little to him, and to myself too, for show. He nods approvingly, then hugs me closer.


    ¡°You probably don¡¯t know, but I love you and want you to be near¡­¡±


    ¡°Why wasn¡¯t I surprised?¡± I said myself.


    ¡°But you could have just told me straight?¡± I ask him.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t come with me. And also¡­¡±


    He finishes his glass. I¡¯d rather top it up for him. He gets up, and I have to get up too, takes the wine in one hand, the other holds my waist.


    ¡°Come on, baby, we need to celebrate.¡±


    ¡°What do we plan to celebrate?¡±


    Glenn is already drunk. He sways into the bedroom and leads me with him.


    ¡°Of course it¡¯s my birthday!¡±


    Then he closes the bedroom door. The glass is about to fall out of his hands. I pick it up and put it on the nightstand. He falls onto the bed and pulls me with him. I find myself on top.


    ¡°Baby, can you feel it?¡± He puts my hand on his stomach under his sweatshirt.


    ¡°Now you¡¯ve become bolder... It¡¯s okay, Christina, be patient, it won¡¯t be long.¡±


    ¡°Oh yes, dear, have some more wine.¡± I¡¯m convincing him.


    He finishes his glass in one gulp and tries to hug me. I don¡¯t resist, but with my free hand I grab his ass. He squeals a little in surprise, just like a girl, but then he starts looking at me strangely.


    ¡°Baby,¡± he says drawlingly, ¡°I want you¡­¡±


    And he rolls. I find myself at the bottom. Wine has a serious effect on him. I still hold his ass with both hands and feel for the treasured key. At this time he kisses my neck. This doesn¡¯t give me any pleasant feelings, but I¡¯m holding on.


    ¡°Mmm,¡± I hum right in his ear, he gets even more excited. I carefully pull out the key and quietly drop it on the carpet. Now I need to lull Glenn¡¯s vigilance. I pull off his hoodie. Underneath is a tight T-shirt.


    ¡°So, after all, he has things of his size,¡± I note. He is obscenely thin. I am again pierced by a feeling of pity for this man.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it later.¡±


    ¡°Would you like some more wine?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Will you kiss me?¡±


    ¡°What an impudence...¡± I whisper.


    ¡°You will not regret,¡± he adds.


    ¡°In this case I am waiting.¡±


    His gaze is clouded, he seems to be looking at me, but as if through me. I take the bottle and bring it.


    ¡°Take off your clothes, I want to take a better look at you,¡± he says.


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s hope he passes out quickly, Christie,¡± I tell myself sadly.


    I start to take off my cardigan very slowly. He pulls me towards him and it seems that something terrible is about to happen. I close my eyes. A miracle still happens.


    ¡°I think I want to go to the toilet. Wait a little. I hope that when I return you will be waiting for me without a dress.¡±


    Glenn is very unsteady. Somehow he makes it to the toilet. And as soon as the door closes, I quickly pull on my sneakers and cardigan, pick up the key from the carpet and tiptoe into the hallway.


    ¡°My love, I¡¯ll come now!¡± His voice comes from behind the door.


    I take it and look around, but his backpack is gone. I open the door. Luckily the lock is quiet. I found his backpack in the kitchen. Do I have enough time? I should make my way past the toilet and bathroom faster. I open my backpack, take my sketches and get ready to run. But then the door opens.


    ¡°Baby, I¡¯m already on my way to you.¡± He¡¯s only wearing underpants. He wanders, swaying into the kitchen.


    ¡°Well... Where can I hide?¡± I think feverishly


    I found some space behind the refrigerator. I squeeze through there and freeze. He goes straight to the refrigerator and opens it. I try not to breathe. Luckily for me, the door opens in such a way that it blocks me from his viewing angle. My phone remains. I almost forgot about it. But where is it? Okay, no time to look. After drinking water, Glenn walks from the kitchen to the bedroom, muttering something inaudible, but not very decent. I¡¯m going after him. On the way out of the kitchen, I rather hide around the corner because he turns away. I see that the phone is in the hallway.


    ¡°Looks like I¡¯m really lucky today!¡±


    He walks into the bedroom and I immediately slip out the door, grabbing my phone. I hear a dissatisfied cry coming from the bedroom. No time to wait for the elevator. I¡¯m running up the stairs as quickly as possible. But between the second and first floors my leg gives way and I fall down 2 steps. I¡¯m trying not to scream, getting up with difficulty, collecting the scattered sketches, and, limping, running on. I run out of the entrance, go around the house and only then do I calm down. Swearing can be heard from the window, but it quickly fades away.


    ¡°It seems he fell asleep.¡±


    I walk further, but my leg hurts more and more. I stop, gritting my teeth. I don¡¯t have money for bus travel, and I don¡¯t have a student card either. Everything was left in the dormitory. I call Kenzie, but she doesn¡¯t answer. Now may not be the right time, but I¡¯m coming back to the idea that John should be okay. It¡¯s enough for me to hear his voice and I¡¯ll find the strength to do a lot of things, starting with walking a couple of bus stops. But I know that this is impossible, he is probably at work. I¡¯m calling Jack. At least let him listen to me. Sometimes it¡¯s okay to complain. The beeps go off, but no one answers. I despair, but then I hear HIS voice.


    ¡°Hello¡­¡±


    Sounds a little weak.


    ¡°Well, hello... brother...¡± I tell him.


    There is silence on the line.


    ¡°Hello? Can you hear me? I know what you hear. Are you all right?¡±


    ¡°Why should it be bad?¡± His voice takes on cold notes again.


    ¡°And why am I doing this? I just have to finish quickly. Why did he answer? It was just my fleeting wish. And it seems that now it has come true,¡± I¡¯m reasoning.


    ¡°I just wanted to make sure.¡±


    ¡°Make sure of what?!¡± He interrupts me.


    ¡°Nothing, sorry.¡±


    I hung up. I guess it just seemed to me. It wasn¡¯t him who called that day. I¡¯m making it up in my head again. ¡°I¡¯ll think about it later...¡±


    I¡¯m running towards the dormitory. Unfortunately, that idiot Glenn wouldn¡¯t let me take anything with me. The sketches are a little disheveled. I¡¯ll get them in order anyway. I just need to return home.

 Part 4. Chapter 10.

    JOHN.


    Is everything really okay with her? Her voice sounded excited. And I can¡¯t even check and help if she needs it. Why did I even contact Linda? I didn¡¯t have time to fully recover. Okay, everything will pass and then I¡¯ll go to Chris. Although, I still won¡¯t be able to touch her, even if I really want to. This means there is no point in tormenting myself. I get up and go downstairs.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± Aela asks.


    She tries to look after me and spends a lot of time, constantly asking if I need anything. I don¡¯t get tired of her at all, because she gently insists, but does it unobtrusively. Dad needed such a wife for a long time. No, this does not mean that I don¡¯t remember my mother at all, but my attitude towards her is blurry and incomprehensible, and towards her death too. Then Christina was very young, and I was older, but my parents came home so rarely that I could not cling to the memories. It was all fuzzy. And Aela is cheerful, understanding, and pretty in her own way, although redheads are not my type. But if my father likes her, then it¡¯s good for me too. Although he hardly likes her for her face. She is completely harmless, but at the same time she knows how to defend herself if necessary, unlike my girl. Oh, if only she could really be mine¡­


    There is always a bright chandelier in the kitchen; someday we¡¯ll replace it and modernize the house, but for now we use what we have.


    ¡°Good evening, Marco,¡± I say to the chef, ¡°do you have a cake with mushrooms?¡±


    He looks at me in surprise.


    ¡°Is this the one that Christina usually asks for?¡±


    ¡°Yes, it is,¡± I answer with a straight face.


    ¡°Do you really eat it?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve never tried it, but I need to try it sometime.¡±


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll do it for you. Will you wait half an hour?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯ll sit by the fireplace. Call me when it¡¯s ready.¡±


    Unlike Christina, the workers are a little wary of me. Everyone loves her and spoils her on occasion. But it¡¯s not bad. I would spoil her too if I had the opportunity. I lie down on the sofa not far from the fireplace.


    ¡°Should I throw some firewood?¡± The father comes into the living room.


    ¡°Yes, dad, throw it, if it¡¯s not too much trouble,¡± I answer, ¡°by the way, your phone.You forgot it in my room when you came in during the day.¡±


    ¡°Oh, exactly. No one called?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Our baby called, but excuse me, father, I cleared the last one. She doesn¡¯t need to know anything about me,¡± I thought.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll go. And you warm yourself. Is your head feeling better?¡±


    ¡°Yes, today it hardly hurts, although there is still weakness.¡±


    ¡°You need to recover, son. You shouldn¡¯t have gotten involved with this girl, Linda.¡±


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯re right, father. Something went wrong. But I myself am to blame for this. At some point I stopped thinking with my head.¡±


    ¡°That happens,¡± he says to me.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°What, you too? Yes, though, Mabel?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I told about her. People are different. There are people who are very attractive on the outside, but inside they are empty. It¡¯s like an icy slide, you roll down it and want to slow down, but there is nothing to grab onto. And sometimes they are completely nondescript on the outside, but inside they are multifaceted and bright. There is a balance, but this is extremely rare. It seems that I found one such candy with a bright wrapper and a sweet filling.¡±


    He winks at me and leaves me alone. I close my eyes. He is, as always, right. Christina is a girl with no outstanding appearance. Of course, she knows this, so she tries to dress well to look more presentable. She is not stupid, but naive, and therefore sometimes does strange things. She¡¯s also quite clumsy. I just remember the moment when we fell into the pond, although I was very pleased to be next to her at that moment. And yet, there is something that makes me mentally return to her and worry. She makes me want to care and know that she is safe. But now I can¡¯t be sure of this.


    ¡°John, your cake is ready,¡± Marco interrupts my thoughts, ¡°will you come or should I bring it here?¡±


    ¡°Yes, please bring it.¡±


    ¡°Just a minute... Take it, John.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, I¡¯ll take the plate myself.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m left alone again. The wood is crackling in the fireplace. It¡¯s so warm. I eat sweet mushrooms from the cake. It¡¯s really very tasty.¡±


    CHRISTINA.


    My thesis on watercolor painting skills is almost ready. I¡¯m not worried, I¡¯m confident in the results. I wonder what will happen next. And then I need another scholarship, I want to improve my skills and open up new opportunities for myself. At the same time, I no longer want to be a burden to the family that raised me. It¡¯s time for our lives to go their separate ways. I will see them less and less, and finally they will forget me, although I will never be able to forget them. I guess I¡¯ll have to ask Jack for one last favor. I had already read a lot of information on the Internet and realized that I wanted to enter the London University of the Arts. I need to improve my qualifications, then I can make a decent living. The Glasgow School already periodically organizes my exhibitions, sometimes among other works, less often my personal ones. One day I agreed to participate in a charity auction, and my paintings were sold out very quickly. Everyone was happy, and then I received a small financial incentive. Therefore, I should try to study at this prestigious place, although my success rate is not that great, it is there.


    Somebody¡¯s knocking on the door. I snap out of my thoughts.


    ¡°Who is there?¡± I¡¯m reluctantly getting up.


    ¡°Christina, go down to the hall, please, guests have come to see you.¡±


    This is the first time I¡¯ve seen this girl. Probably some neighbor from the floor. I throw the cardigan over my top. The hall is always cooler than our rooms.


    ¡°Who could it be?¡± I¡¯m going down.


    ¡°Long time no see, friend.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Peter! I didn¡¯t expect to see you. What¡¯s the reason here?¡±


    ¡°I came on business and decided to come see you.¡±


    ¡°Oh cool. Shall we go for a walk?¡± I smile at him. It¡¯s good to have such a friend. He will always listen to me.


    We are walking. Newly greened trees rustle softly above us.


    ¡°Well, you¡¯ll finish your studies soon. What are you going to do?¡± Peter asks curiously.


    ¡°I would like to go to London,¡± I say.


    ¡°This is a good decision. Especially with your talent. But is it too far from home?¡± There is doubt in his voice.


    ¡°I can handle it, you know me,¡± I answer deliberately cheerfully. I start spinning, walking backwards.


    ¡°Hey, be careful,¡± he laughs.


    ¡°Excuse me.¡± A woman walks past us. I think I hit her a little with my clothes.


    We walk in silence for a while, then I say:


    ¡°I need your advice!¡±


    ¡°Of course, if I can help.¡±


    ¡°I have one friend. He is somewhat partial to me and is trying to get me¡­¡±


    ¡°Are you all right?¡± Peter interrupts me.


    ¡°Listen to the end,¡± I continue, ¡°in general, recently he tried to get me drunk, but in the end he got drunk himself. He tried to pester me, so I ran away. But we still cross paths, although to be honest, I try to avoid him. Do you think he told the truth or not?¡±


    ¡°Well, I didn¡¯t see him and I can¡¯t judge his actions, but he shouldn¡¯t have even jokingly offered you something. Have you told Uncle Jack?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Do you think you can figure it out on your own?¡±


    ¡°Well, I just have to pass the exam. His behavior irritates me. Sometimes he looks at me without looking away.¡±


    ¡°How long has this started?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s been a year already. But this is the first time he has behaved so badly. Although there were preconditions.¡±


    ¡°It sounds terrible, to be honest. Be careful. I¡¯ll leave you my number just in case. I replaced it. Of course, it won¡¯t be easy for me to get to you quickly, but I will help as much as I can. And be sure to call Uncle Jack. And also the police. They will help too.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Peter.¡±


    We reach the intersection of streets.


    ¡°How about having some coffee?¡± He smiles, his eyes beam with kindness.


    ¡°Of course,¡± I answered.


    And we went to the next street.

 Part 4. Chapter 11.

    I defended my diploma, which I am very happy about. Here comes the end of the school year. We received our diplomas, took a group photo. My classmates are going to celebrate this event, but I don¡¯t care. I don¡¯t see the point in such celebrations. This is just a step into a new life. I need to go home. Home¡­ Where is my home now? Do I have one? I go to collect my things and portfolio. I go up. I see that the door is ajar. It¡¯s strange. I freeze and listen, but everything is quiet. Maybe I didn¡¯t close it properly when I left. In the end I left the window open. I like it when the room is fresh. Nevertheless, I take out my phone just in case and prepare to call Peter, if anything will happen. We agreed. I open the door and go in. The window is closed.


    ¡°But I didn¡¯t close it,¡± I thought.


    The door closes behind me, the lock clicks.


    ¡°Do you want to talk?¡±


    I turn around and find myself face to face with Glenn. I reflexively press something on my phone. But then he pulls me close and starts kissing me. Drool runs down my mouth, it gets wet. It¡¯s so disgusting. With one hand he rips off my graduation hat, with the other he starts pressing my head to his. I try to wriggle away, but he squeezes my hair, and it hurts. The phone falls out of my hands.


    ¡°Enough... Give me her phone, Glenn!¡± A low female voice is heard.


    He stops smearing drool all over me and pushes me away. I lose my balance from surprise and fall.


    ¡°Damn, that hurts.¡±


    I yelp, but then I feel a foot on my back. ¡°Shut up,¡± Glenn hisses, leaning close to my ear, ¡°or you¡¯ll regret this right now. I won¡¯t forgive you for making fun of me.¡±


    ¡°Stop it. Now¡¯s not the time!¡± Linda says, ¡°It¡¯s a nice phone. Now let¡¯s call your brother. Hmm¡­¡±


    She scrolls through her contact lists, which I don¡¯t seem to have many of.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think your precious brother is here. Very interesting. Okay, let¡¯s dial his number. I still remember it¡­¡±


    ¡°No need¡­¡±


    I can hardly lift my head. I should get up and take my phone, but Glenn¡¯s leg is still preventing me from getting up.


    ¡°He¡¯s not answering... What a pity. Well, he won¡¯t even help you. I¡¯ll go and wait downstairs. Look, don¡¯t overdo it. It¡¯s too early. We¡¯ll have time to have fun with her a little later, when our sissy comes to her senses and is able to watch what happens to this shorty.¡±


    With these words, Linda gets up, opens the door and leaves us alone. Glenn still doesn¡¯t let go of me.


    ¡°Listen carefully, baby. Of course, you can scream as much as you want, but then I¡¯ll throw you out of the window. It¡¯s not very high up here, which means you won¡¯t die, but you¡¯ll definitely break something. Then I¡¯ll say that you just fell out of carelessness, and I didn¡¯t have time to catch you. And they¡¯ll believe me. After all, I¡¯m a modest, inconspicuous boy with whom you communicate well. So think before you open your mouth.¡±


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    He finally removes his leg from my back. I slowly lean on my hands and sit on my knees. During this time, he manages to close the door again. Then he grabs my hair and hisses through his teeth:


    ¡°Get up faster.¡±


    Through the pain, I somehow rise.


    Look, it¡¯s not that hard, and now take off your robe¡­ Blouse... Bra. Oh yeah. I should have gotten your useless little body last time.¡±


    With these words, he pushes me onto the bed and falls on top of me. And again he starts to stick his tongue into my mouth, and he twists my nipples. He doesn¡¯t care at all about my pain. He¡¯s thin, and I can throw him off me, but I¡¯m afraid that he¡¯ll hurt me, so I endure it. It¡¯s useless to talk to a maniac.


    ¡°I think I¡¯m aroused,¡± he notes with satisfaction, ¡°it¡¯s a pity that I can¡¯t take you here and now.¡±


    My breasts are unbearably sore, he spanks them, clearly enjoying the process. I close my eyes and try to think of something positive, but for some reason it doesn¡¯t work. After a couple of minutes, he finally stops making fun of me.


    ¡°Do you have red lipstick?¡± He asks before leaving.


    I point to the table. He opens the drawer.


    ¡°This one? See you later, remember that, bitch. I¡¯ll make you pay in full for not agreeing to be with me. And I really like you.¡±


    Left alone, I lay there, naked to the waist, looking at the ceiling. Tears flowed by themselves. I was too nervous. I didn¡¯t even have the strength to cover myself. I lay there like that for half an hour. Then I finally tried to get up. I wanted to call Jack, but then I changed my mind.


    ¡°John, you¡¯re probably sitting next to your father. How I wish you would hug me to your broad chest now, and I would cry for so long until I cried out all my sadness. But I have to live my life. After all, we are not related and even in status we are not suitable for each other now¡­¡±


    I wiped my tears, stood up, put on my travel clothes, packed my suitcases and a folder with drawings, and called Peter:


    ¡°Will you take me home? You¡¯re my friend. I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m asking you this.¡±


    Two hours later, we were driving along the highway, soothing music playing in Mr. Wilson¡¯s car.


    ¡°Did something terrible happen that you don¡¯t want to talk about?¡±


    I just nodded.


    ¡°It will pass.¡±


    He patted my head. I turned away and began to look out the window until I fell asleep.


    ***


    A week has passed. It was time to leave home and go to London for the entrance exams. I pretended that nothing had happened. Jack and Aela were planning to go and buy something special for the wedding. They always felt like something was missing. And it was no surprise. They were more in love than ever.At the same time, they decided to keep me company.


    ¡°Are you coming?¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    I grabbed my backpack and put all the essentials in it.


    ¡°New shoes on the shoe rack below.¡±


    ¡°Of course, you shouldn¡¯t have, but thank you.¡±


    The shoes are really beautiful. Dark green, polished, with a small heel. I really liked them.


    ¡°Anything my princess wishes. You¡¯ve been so moody lately. I hope you¡¯re okay?¡± Jack asked worriedly.


    ¡°Yes, just a little nervous,¡± I lied.


    This time we decided to go by train and left the car at home. It was more convenient. We planned to stay in a hotel for a couple of days. The train would arrive in London in the evening. And we planned to return home after the entrance exams. I looked out the window almost without stopping, thinking that soon we would all see each other even less often, and then stop altogether. I saw myself working somewhere in a small workshop, and in the evenings relaxing in a small apartment with a hammock, wrapped in a blanket and falling asleep in it.

 Part 4. Chapter 12.

    Autumn has arrived. My portfolio was rated above average, and I was accepted to study. In mid-September, I asked for three days off and went home for Jack and Aela¡¯s wedding. It was decided that the ceremonies would take place at the estate, and the newlyweds would go to Italy for their honeymoon.


    ¡°Italy... I wish I could go there. Many famous artists of different eras come from Italy. Maybe someday in my life I will be able to go there,¡± I thought.


    The sun is setting. For tomorrow, I ordered a modest but beautiful emerald midi dress with thin straps from the studio. This is the bride¡¯s choice. Everything should be green. I borrowed the black sandals from a friend. The bolero is also green, but a couple of shades darker.My makeup should be done by the makeup artist who will do Aela¡¯s.


    ¡°Thanks for the ride, Peter.¡±


    I take out the case with the dress and, waving at him, go to the house.


    ¡°We¡¯ll come tomorrow with Amber,¡± he says.


    ¡°See you!¡±


    Marie meets me near the house. She is carrying flowers freshly cut by her husband Claude.


    ¡°Oh, Christine, hi. Long time no see.¡±


    ¡°It really has been a long time,¡± I say, and I think to myself that this is my last visit to this house. And now we will probably never see each other again.


    ¡°How is life young? You go ahead and hold the door for me,¡± Marie chirps.


    ¡°Everything is as usual. Lectures, practice. Nothing new there. Sometimes you get tired of repeating events, but overall I am happy. Come in¡­¡±


    She squeezes through with an armful of pleasantly smelling flowers.


    ¡°Thank you, dear. I am glad that everything is fine with you.¡±


    ¡°You have already arrived. How nice!¡± Jack comes out to meet me. He is clearly pleased. He hugs me lightly. I move my hand with the case to the side and offer my cheek.


    ¡°You are too kind today.¡± He playfully kisses me.


    ¡°Of course,¡± I say in the same tone, ¡°and now I¡¯ll hang the dress in the closet.¡±


    ¡°Will you show me?¡±


    ¡°Tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Okay then. Will you have dinner?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯ll be down soon.¡±


    Aela is nowhere to be seen. I go into the room and hang the dress in the closet. Now I can rest a little. I sit on the bed and run my hand over the blanket. It is so soft and familiar, but soon all this will be behind me. But now is not the time for regrets. I just need to rest a little and join the general excitement. John will probably arrive tomorrow. So there is no need to strain myself. I look out the window. The trees are starting to turn yellow, but the leaves are almost not falling. Although a little more, and there will be falling leaves again. Tomorrow Peter and Amber will come. I haven¡¯t seen the latter one for a long time. In the past, she was not very kind to me. Maybe something has changed?


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    My cute childhood drawings on the wall. I go up to them and stroke one of them. I was quite carefree then. Mom and Dad always praised me. It¡¯s a pity that I wasn¡¯t their daughter. I will never be able to accept it, even if I really wanted to. It¡¯s a pity that Jane is gone. But Jack found a wonderful woman whom he loves very much, and he will definitely not be lonely. Plus, he has sweet John, who, of course, has a difficult character, but they get along now. And that¡¯s already good. Oh, I so want to breathe in his scent. But the damn sweater is so far away, in the dorm. Of course, I wouldn¡¯t take it with me. I keep it in a separate box. I open it only when I¡¯m really lonely to remind myself that I¡¯m not alone, because he will always be in my heart. Well, I need to go to the bathroom and change, and then go down and eat, so as not to keep anyone. There are a lot of things to do now, and my help might be useful. I¡¯m getting down to business.


    JOHN.


    It¡¯s dinner time now. I need to have a snack and help with the preparations. Of course, everyone else can handle this. But the more of us there are, the faster we can finish and go to bed. Practicality above all else. I get up from the chair and put the tablet aside. The video was educational, but I can¡¯t escape reality all the time. And my baby is probably already here. Although we have a five-year age difference, she is so naive that it seems to me that she is still a child.


    ¡°Look who¡¯s talking. You yourself were recently fooled by a woman. It¡¯s good that you ran away,¡± I remind myself.


    The hall smells of lilies and chrysanthemums. Not much yet, but in a few days the lilies will have to be taken away because the air will be filled with the intoxicating scent of unruly beauties. I inhale deeply.


    ¡°Ugh, how sentimental you are becoming!¡±


    I walk into the kitchen. My father is nowhere to be seen, but Aela has been there half the day. She helps Marco with the desserts, and she is doing quite well. I wave at her and smile. Her red curls are escaping from under the headscarf she has pulled over her head to protect the food from her spaghetti hair.


    ¡°Can you call Christina? Marco and I have too much work. And tell her there¡¯s something for her,¡± she says, without looking up from her work.


    ¡°Mushroom brownie?¡± I ask.


    They turn their heads in surprise and say in unison:


    ¡°No!¡±


    What unusual thing did I ask? I shrug and go up to the second floor. I knock on the door. But it seems she¡¯s not there. Where is she? I go down and hear one of the doors upstairs click. She¡¯s probably going to her room. I go up again. The door is slightly ajar, and a strip of light is shining through. It looks like she forgot to close it. It¡¯s a good thing it¡¯s always dark on the second floor unless you turn on the light on purpose. I¡¯m about to knock for the sake of decency, but at that moment I see her towel fall off and she¡¯s wearing only her panties. It looks like she was taking a shower. I freeze in amazement. No, of course, she has been dear to me for a long time, but suddenly I feel like I¡¯m looking and I can¡¯t tear myself away, that I really want to come up from behind and inhale her scent. And this is a new feeling. And my friend downstairs tells me that I think I want her. She casually takes a robe out of the closet and throws it over her shoulders. She puts her hair in a bun, which is unusual for her. It would seem that she does nothing unusual, all women do this after a shower, but she is special. It seems I can¡¯t hold back now.


    ¡°Hey!¡± I mentally slap myself on the cheek, ¡°how dare you? Control yourself at least a little.¡±


    I tiptoe a little further from the door and deliberately return to it loudly and knock.


    ¡°I think you forgot to close the door,¡± I say.


    ¡°Oh!¡± She turns around and covers her mouth with her hand.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that, you¡¯re too innocent, and that¡¯s why you¡¯re so sexy!!!¡± my brain screams.


    ¡°Aela asked you to help her and Marco,¡± I mutter and run like an arrow to the bathroom.


    My temples are pounding. I need to solve this urgently, to free my head at least for a while. So many beautiful girls have tried to please me. Any of those who have been in my bed, knew how to do many things and were good in their own way.


    ¡°Why do I love her? The most ordinary, and probably not very experienced.¡±


    I could not explain it to myself, and that made me want her even more. I imagined myself touching her body, and my mind switched off while I was solving this painful question. Then I powerlessly sank down onto the tiles and closed my eyes.


    ¡°It seems to have let up,¡± I whispered with relief.


    ¡°For how long?¡± my brain asked me suspiciously.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it later,¡± I assured it. But the doubts were too strong.

 Part 4. Chapter 13.

    CHRISTINA.


    Flowers are everywhere. They smell so different. They mix and I feel like a flower princess. I¡¯m going to carry the bride¡¯s bouquet today. It¡¯s so exciting. It¡¯s a shame my wedding will never happen because the person I love will never be with me. I¡¯m wearing the dress I brought with me yesterday. Aela likes it. Jack shook his head when he found out I paid for the dress and bolero myself, but he also likes my choice of style and color combination. My hair is styled in fancy braids, gathered at the back of my head into a rose. The sandals are a little uncomfortable, but that¡¯s because I¡¯m not used to them.


    In the morning, Aela¡¯s relatives arrived. The house is noisy. Jack is talking to them; in fact, they already know each other, but still not very well. Aela came to introduce Jack to her parents once, and then again for a picnic. Nevertheless, Aela¡¯s parents liked Jack, although he is only half Scottish. In addition, they had heard a lot about our grandmother because of her principled ness in many things. And as we know, the earth is full of rumors. In general, everyone was in high spirits. While waiting for the ceremony, the guests ate canap¨¦s, which Marco and another invited chef had so diligently prepared. It is unclear how they managed it in one day, but they cooked as if for an army of people. At eleven o¡¯clock, Aela¡¯s mother, her brother, who was also a redhead like her, John and Jack left for the church, ahead of us. For the occasion, Jack even put on a kilt with the tuxedo that his father had worn for the wedding. The rest of the workers in our building followed the owner in Claude¡¯s car.


    The bride¡¯s father, six-year-old niece and I were left waiting for her. The make-up artist had just finished. All that was left was to help Aela put on the dress. It was stunning. Simple, straight cut, not tight and without a hint of pomp, sleeves ending just above the elbow, decorated with lace. A cape with rhinestones on top. Her fiery unruly hair was straightened and styled in a heavy hairstyle. Pearls were woven into it, a veil was attached to the bottom, custom-made from the same lace that was used for the dress. Aela really liked the dress, but she couldn¡¯t find a veil to match it, so it was decided to order one. The bouquet, tied with green ribbons, has been standing in a vase since the evening so that it doesn¡¯t wither.


    ¡°Christina, don¡¯t forget to take it,¡± Aela quickly looks at herself in the mirror.


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    We go down to the hall.


    ¡°Well, finally, my beloved daughter came out!¡±


    ¡°Hi, dad,¡± she smiles at her father, who extends his hand to her, ¡°I hope you got here safely? This is Christina.¡±


    ¡°Even drove slowly, you don¡¯t have to worry. Alice and I dozed off. And Yuna was looking around the whole way.¡±


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    ¡°Did you ask a lot of questions?¡± Aela laughs, turning to her niece.


    ¡°No, auntie. Grandma said that dad would get tired if I bothered him, and then we wouldn¡¯t be able to come to you.¡±


    ¡°Christina, this is Grandpa Greg,¡± she finally tells me.


    ¡°Good afternoon, Mister Greg!¡±


    He extends his hand to me: ¡°Let¡¯s get acquainted, Christina!¡±


    ¡°And would you like to say hello to me?¡± Yuna pouts.


    I squat down and extend my hand to her: ¡°Hello.¡± She thinks for a few seconds and holds out hers.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯m starting the car, let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°A basket of petals,¡± Aela reminds.


    ¡°I already got it,¡± I answer.


    ***


    The church smells of incense. Everyone is waiting for the bride. The bagpipers have started playing. The pastor is talking animatedly to Jack at the altar. John is sitting in the front row with Grandma Alice. I should be sitting next to him soon. It¡¯s so exciting.


    ¡°Quiet, the bride is here,¡± a whisper rolls through.


    Yuna walks ahead, scattering petals along the bride¡¯s path. I follow her. And the last ones are Grandpa Greg and Aela, leaning on his arm. She smiles radiantly and a little shyly. When she reaches the altar, Jack meets her with a warm smile. I see love in his eyes. I hand over the bouquet and go to my rightful place next to John. I try not to look at him. Besides, I can smell his wonderful perfume again, just like on that sweater in my dorm, only fresh, so it is deeper and more expressive. I inhale it like a drug, which makes me even more embarrassed. Suddenly he leans towards me and whispers in my ear: ¡°Do you like it?¡± He grins insolently.


    I shudder, but then I try to pull myself together and look at him questioningly: ¡°Excuse me?¡±


    JOHN.


    When Aela comes in, I notice that she looks lovely. But then I see Chris, and my heart skips a beat. She looks so beautiful in that green dress. The sandals she never wears. She even looks pretty. I want to touch her, but then I¡¯ll lose control. The sight of yesterday is still too fresh, but now is not the time to give myself away. She sits down next to me. Oh, yes! I glance at her. She puts her hands on her knees, fiddling with her cute dress. Her eyes are closed, she inhales the scent¡­I need to tease her. I deliberately put on a little more perfume today. Will she notice¡­


    She reacts to my question a little strangely. At first she blushes a little, and then says with an innocent look: ¡°I was thinking. Did you say something, John?¡±


    ¡°I asked if you liked the smell,¡± I said directly.


    She blushes even more.


    ¡°Yes, it is pleasant.¡±


    And she turns away towards the bride and groom.


    ¡°If you were mine, I would do so many interesting things with you. You would never be able to forget me¡­ What an egoist you are, look at yourself. Aren¡¯t you disgusted with yourself?¡± my brain immediately bursts into my fantasies.


    ¡°Yes, I know, know,¡± I answer him discontentedly.


    CHRISTINA.


    After the ceremony, we go for a walk to take photos together. Peter and Amber invited me into their car. Aela will now go with Jack. So she let me go. As we left the church, Jack threw a plaid shawl over her shoulders, such is tradition. There is so much joy on their faces. As our motorcade moves to the suburbs, Peter and Amber periodically ask me questions. She told me about herself. And then suddenly asked Peter: ¡°Did you see how John looked at her today?¡±


    ¡°And how did he look?¡± I asked immediately.


    ¡°Strange. Studying. I don¡¯t know,¡± she said, puzzled.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be silly, Amber. She loves him. Don¡¯t hurt the person.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡± she raises an eyebrow, ¡°I sympathize with you, my friend.¡±


    The atmosphere is a little tense. I close my eyes and pretend to doze. They don¡¯t bother me anymore.

 Part 4. Chapter 14.

    CHRISTINA.


    After the first semester, the prospect of studying on an exchange in Italy shone brightly. It is for the most talented students. I need to work harder, and maybe I will succeed. At least no one stops me from dreaming. Studying is very important now. If I am lucky, my life will only get better. I want to find a job in Italy and get on my feet, and in my situation it is not so easy. I do not go home anymore, although I still communicate with Jack from time to time. He and his wife are on an endless honeymoon. So they are not too worried about me now. I do not tell them anything about my plans. They have not come to me yet, but they promised to visit soon. Well, I can not stop them from doing it.


    I am walking in an old London park, my sketchbook with me. It is winter outside, but it is not cold. It has rained a lot this year. Sometimes it snows, but then it turns into slush that squishes underfoot. It is a very sad sight. There is almost no scent of perfume left on my lover¡¯s sweater, although I tried to keep it so carefully, afraid to touch it more. Time washes away memories, but it cannot extinguish my love for him, permeated with bitter loneliness. On cold evenings, I put on the sweater and, with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands, imagine him hugging me, sitting next to me. Or maybe we are reading a book. Or we are watching a movie, leaning against each other, then eating cotton candy and laughing loudly. Perhaps this sounds too sweet. Well, time to be back and take a shower.


    JOHN.


    The water runs down my face, my shoulders, my back. I stand under the streams. I want her to be near me, but I know that it is impossible, at least for now. It is good that she is in London. Perhaps I should try my luck and move there too. That way I can keep an eye on her. She is still too naive. Why lie to myself? I will be able to enjoy her presence nearby. I will rent a small flat and invite her to move in with me. I need to discuss my plans for the near future with my father.


    ¡°Stop teasing yourself, otherwise you will stay in the shower much longer. Not that anyone cares, fortunately there are two bathrooms in the house, but think about what will happen if your hopes are empty? She has not given you a single sign. It would be better if you hated her, like before¡­¡±


    CHRISTINA.


    I train really hard. The teachers are happy with me, but it seems I won¡¯t be accepted as an exchange student, and I¡¯m wasting so much time. That¡¯s because I¡¯m a freshman, and there are only upperclassmen on the list. It¡¯s depressing. Well, I¡¯ll find a part-time job. By spring, the snow fell like an uninvited guest and lay in an even layer. That¡¯s not what I needed. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t like snow, it¡¯s better than the porridge squelching under my boots. But today is March 5th, and it¡¯s cloudy and white outside, even though there are no snowdrifts here. I¡¯m wearing jeans, a dark green plain turtleneck, boots, and a puffer jacket. I return to the dorm lost in my thoughts. It¡¯s on the next street.


    ¡°Hey, Christina! Here we are.¡±


    Aela waves at me. Jack is standing next to her. They are both so fresh and rosy. Yes, love has clearly done them both good. I hasten to put a smile on my face. It seems to be going well, because they do not notice my bad mood. They hug me. When they say something, steam comes out of their mouths. It always gets cold in the evening. They are going to go to a restaurant and invite me to go with them. I do not think twice. Perhaps I should tell them that I have a lot of homework, even though it is not true. But my mood is so depressed that I agree to go and unwind.


    ¡°That¡¯s good!¡± Jack tells me cheerfully.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll change my clothes.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll give you a ride and come back in an hour again.¡±


    They leave me at the entrance and drive away. I go up to my room. Why did I agree? I want to start a new life. Of course, I love them all, but they shouldn¡¯t waste their money and their love on me. It doesn¡¯t matter, I¡¯ll think about it later. I only have an hour. And the weekend is coming up, so I really should relax. I can¡¯t be in a despondent state anymore. I¡¯m already quite withdrawn and I have almost no friends. I leaf through my textbook and take notes on the necessary paragraph. This will come in handy. Time flies. Oh no, there are ten minutes left! I need to hurry. I look in the closet, what do I have there¡­ Yeah, this will do. I put on a dark gray blouse with a flamingo on the back. I designed it myself. And one of my friends from the neighboring faculty sewed it for me. I wear black skinny jeans with the blouse. Shoes¡­ Let them be boots with laces, no, better half-boots with a low wide heel. My beige coat. Hair¡­


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    ¡°What a slowpoke,¡± I scolded myself.


    What can I do quickly? A high bun. That¡¯s all, I think.


    ¡°I¡¯m already going down,¡± I answered the phone.


    I quickly glance at myself in the mirror and go down the stairs. Luckily, I put on light makeup before the walk, and I didn¡¯t have to waste time on that either. They¡¯re waiting for me a little further from the entrance.


    ¡°Wow, you look good,¡± Jack says approvingly, ¡°more respectable. Growing up.¡±


    I sit in the back seat. I feel a little sad and sleepy, but I try to hold on. I look out the window at the London streets lit by lanterns. Finally, we stop and get out. The French restaurant is immersed in a cozy semi-darkness. We take off our coats.


    ¡°Mr. Winnes,¡± Jack says, approaching the hostess.


    She looks at the list for a few seconds.


    ¡°Follow me, please.¡±


    We walked into another part of the restaurant. Everything is homely here.


    ¡°Mr., Mrs., Miss Winnes, please make yourself comfortable. Young Mr. Winnes, I think he went to the restroom. He¡¯ll be right there. Your menus.¡±


    ¡°Young Mr. Winnes? Hey, I wasn¡¯t told about that!¡± I look at Jack, puzzled.


    ¡°We don¡¯t often have dinner as a family.¡±


    Aela takes my hand: ¡°If you can¡¯t come to us, it doesn¡¯t mean that we can¡¯t come to you at least sometimes.¡±


    ¡°Did John get a new job or is he staying with you now?¡± I ask casually.


    ¡°Why do you need this information?¡± a male voice says ingratiatingly next to my ear.


    I flinch, turn around and find myself face to face with him. He leaned his hands on the back of the chair and loomed over me. For a second I freeze, looking into his eyes. Even in the dim light of the restaurant, I can see the mocking expression. I quickly bury my face in my menu.


    ¡°It was so awkward, why did you ask, stupid head?¡± I get angry at myself.


    ¡°Our boy is now a tutor. So sometimes the house is quite lively,¡± Jack says.


    John sits down next to me.


    ¡°Don¡¯t exaggerate, Father,¡± he says dryly.


    ¡°I¡¯m telling her the facts, son. Someday you¡¯ll be teaching your nephews math like that, and you, Christina, drawing. It¡¯s great that my children are so talented.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s finally order food,¡± Aela says embarrassedly.


    ¡°Are you expecting a baby yet?¡± I ask.


    ¡°No, of course not,¡± she assures, ¡°daddy is in a romantic mood.¡±


    ¡°Any requests?¡± Jack asks


    ¡°I trust you, I don¡¯t know much about French food,¡± I say stifled.


    ¡°How about a quiche with fish and greens?¡± John asks.


    ¡°What do you think, my love?¡±


    ¡°They serve gratin dauphinois here, I think. Let¡¯s get some?¡± Aela answers.


    ¡°We¡¯ll also have four pot-au-feu and a bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape, please, and coffee,¡± Jack says to the waiter who has come up.


    ¡°What coffee?¡±


    ¡°Two Americanos, one cappuccino and one latte.¡±


    While we wait for our order, Aela tells me about their honeymoon in Italy and other news in our city. Sometimes Jack puts in his two cents in the conversation. John remains silent. He is immersed in the contents of his phone.


    The food is incredibly delicious. I really haven¡¯t tried much in my life. I guess I just never knew what I liked. On the other hand, when I get on my feet, I¡¯ll try different cuisines from around the world. I drank half a glass of wine and liked its rich flavor.


    Aela looks at her watch: ¡°Oh, it¡¯s already ten o¡¯clock in the evening. We need to rest. But you¡¯ve been drinking, my darling. Maybe we can call a taxi and pick up the car tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll drive you,¡± John says.


    ¡°Actually, it¡¯s Friday night, you should unwind.¡±


    ¡°Sure. I have a couple of hours to spare. But can I pick up the car for the night? You won¡¯t be needing it anyway.¡±


    ¡°Take it, son,¡± Jack answers.


    ¡°Will you drive me too?¡± I ask hesitantly.


    ¡°What do you think about it?¡±


    He speaks to me distantly, in a dismissive tone, just like before. It hurts so much.


    ¡°I¡¯d appreciate it,¡± I say sheepishly.


    I look out the car window again at the streets we¡¯re driving through. The historic districts are very beautiful. But my already gloomy mood has finally fallen into the abyss.


    ¡°See you!¡± Jack says to John and blows me a kiss.


    ¡°Have fun,¡± Aela adds with a warm smile, ¡°see you later, Christina.¡±


    We are left alone.


    ¡°Move to the front seat,¡°John says in a commanding tone.


    ¡°Do I have to?¡± And why did I ask a strange question again? I love him, but I feel very stupid in his presence.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I bite,¡± he says sarcastically.


    I sit in the front seat. And before starting the car again, he says: ¡°You don¡¯t think I¡¯m going to take you back to that boring place now, do you?!¡±


    I remain silent. We are going somewhere.


    ¡°If I¡¯m going to relax, then you should also relax and keep me company. Your whole head is filled with studying. This is not right. You are persistent and talented in some ways, but you don¡¯t know how to stop. You¡¯ll get burnout,¡± he says rather dryly, but without judgment.


    I have nothing to answer to this.


    ¡°Have you swallowed your tongue? Don¡¯t get me mad!.. Consider that I stole you for the weekend,¡± he says, turning off the engine and leaning right into my ear.


    I shudder.


    ¡°Where are we?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Let¡¯s take a taxi to the club. I bet you¡¯ve never been there.¡±


    Since he¡¯s decided for me, and the weekend has only just begun, all that¡¯s left is to rely on him. But for me it¡¯s so difficult.

 Part 4. Chapter 15.

    The club is not too noisy yet, but people are arriving. Security guards inspect us at the entrance. They are checking documents. They look at me for a long time.


    ¡°Is something wrong with my sister?¡± John asks, a little defiantly.


    ¡°Everything is fine, come in.¡±


    We leave our coats in the cloakroom. Music is playing in the hall. It is louder than I am used to hearing.


    ¡°It will be even louder,¡± John says, as if reading my thoughts, ¡°keep your bag with you.¡±


    We sat down at a table.


    ¡°Do you want a drink?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I answered.


    ¡°I¡¯m paying today. Next time you will owe me dinner. Even though you don¡¯t always like what I say, you will have to tolerate my presence once.¡±


    He laughs at me again. I hate him at moments like these.


    ¡°Okay, I will drink, but with a snack.¡±


    ¡°Without it, I wouldn¡¯t have let you,¡± he grins.


    The music does get louder. We drink white wine and eat pizza with pineapples.


    ¡°A nice combination,¡± I note to myself.


    ¡°Do you want to go to the dance floor or sit for now?¡± John asks.


    ¡°Will you be mad if I order the Blue Lagoon?¡±


    The wine seems to have clouded my mind a little. He looks at me carefully. Then he finally agrees.


    ¡°Just drink slowly.¡±


    Then he leaves me alone and disappears into the crowd. I look at the couples floating past me on the dance floor. The feeling is unusual. I am a little slow and surprisingly relaxed. I want more. I have some money with me. I go to the bar.


    ¡°I want this cocktail.¡±


    I point at the first one I see. It is raspberry colored. I point at the first one I see. It is raspberry colored. It looks beautiful. I¡¯m siping it. A stranger approached me.¡°Let¡¯s get acquainted, babe?¡±


    He smells of alcohol.


    ¡°Sorry, but I¡¯m not alone,¡± I answered.


    ¡°Oh, come on. Let¡¯s go dancing?¡±


    He touches my butt. I begin to lose my newly acquired peace of mind: ¡°Back off!¡±


    But he does not leave me alone. On the contrary, he moves closer to me and starts to paw me.


    ¡°Get your hands off her!¡± Someone grabs my offender by the shoulder.


    ¡°Who are you? This is my girl,¡± the impudent fellow begins to object.


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    ¡°One more word addressed to my sister, and I will smash your whole face. Now get out of here!¡± John hisses impatiently.


    ¡°Sister? Sorry, bro.¡± He backs away and disappears into the crowd.


    ¡°What a bastard!¡± John is clearly angry. He sees my cocktail.


    ¡°Who ordered it for her?¡± he asks the bartender demandingly.


    ¡°She did it herself,¡± the bartender answers casually and shrugs.


    ¡°Chris, stop drinking,¡± he says more calmly, ¡°let¡¯s go dancing.¡±


    ¡°But I don¡¯t know how. People will laugh.¡±


    That¡¯s the last thing I want right now. My mood has already been ruined.


    ¡°Hey, look at them! They are all drunk, do you think you are the only one? They don¡¯t care about you. Bartender, can I have a shot, but not with pepper?¡±


    He dumps a flaming triple-layer shot into himself and takes my hand.


    ¡°Don¡¯t forget your bag, I told you.¡±


    We¡¯re going to the very center of the crowd.


    Close your eyes and just relax, take a deep breath and exhale a few times. Now just feel the vibe and move how you feel.


    The cocktail is starting to work. I guess I shouldn¡¯t drink any more. John is right. He¡¯s nearby and moving well.


    ¡°Oh, hi, Anna, what brings you here?¡±


    I can¡¯t hear the girl answering him, but she smiles sweetly.


    ¡°Yes, it was a long time ago,¡± John says.


    ¡°And she¡¯s beautiful,¡± I note during the flashes of the spotlights, ¡°why the hell are there beautiful girls hanging around him all the time. No, he¡¯s beautiful, but I love him, not them! Why can¡¯t he just be with me instead of making sarcastic comments?.. Hey, you¡¯re going to do something unnecessary. Although what difference does it make, you¡¯ll leave soon anyway. You will achieve your goal by any means necessary.¡±


    Alcohol seems to give me courage. They seem to be ending, but I decide to intervene in their conversation and come closer to her.


    ¡°I¡¯m Chris,¡± I¡¯m extending my hand.


    ¡°Anna,¡± she shakes my hand.


    I take John¡¯s hand and press myself against him so that she can see.


    ¡°I have to go. It was nice seeing you, John.¡±


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± he asks ingratiatingly right in my ear. His voice is velvety murmuring, interrupted by the music. I like it very much.


    ¡°Nothing special,¡± I try to parry the attack.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that,¡± he continues, still in the same dangerous proximity to me. I shudder. I need to save myself, I almost gave myself away. Although what difference does it make?


    ¡°I need to go to the restroom,¡± I tell him.


    ¡°Should I walk you there?¡± his hand touches mine back.


    Oh no, that¡¯s too much. And then there¡¯s the smell of his perfume, enveloping him all the time. I¡¯m getting tired of fighting my desires.


    ¡°No, no, I¡¯ll do it myself.¡±


    With these words, I hurry to leave him. I go into the restroom and look at myself in the mirror for a long time.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± a pretty blonde asked me.


    ¡°Yes, thank you. I just want another drink.¡±


    ¡°I understand,¡± she says sympathetically, ¡°I can keep you company.¡±


    ¡°But I¡¯m not alone, ¡± I answer her, ¡°it¡¯s just that I love one person, but I can¡¯t tell him about it. There are reasons for that.¡±


    ¡°Two Cosmopolitans, please,¡± she says.


    We pay the bartender.


    ¡°I¡¯m Angie.¡±


    ¡°Christina.¡±


    ¡°Chris. I¡¯ll call you that, if you don¡¯t mind. Sometimes it¡¯s better to say and feel sorry for yourself if something goes wrong, than not to try and torment yourself all your life.¡±


    I turn my head and see John sitting nearby, finishing his glass of whiskey.


    ¡°Oh my God, Angie, I hope he didn¡¯t hear our conversation.¡±


    She glances around and says: You¡¯re lucky. Besides being a handsome guy, (although not my type), he is also quite attentive to everything he does. He is not as simple as he seems.


    ¡°Are you clairvoyant? Where did you come to such conclusions?¡±


    She laughs: ¡°I learned to recognize gestures and observe people. This is my profession. However, listen to my words. If you do nothing, you will regret it later. I have to go home. My girlfriend is waiting for me. She doesn¡¯t like noisy places. Bye.¡±


    She left, and I tried to comprehend our conversation. A wave of warmth covered my body again.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go dancing!¡±


    ¡°I already thought you were hiding from me,¡± he sighs with relief, ¡°wait, have you had another drink? Your coordination is failing you a little.¡±


    ¡°Does it really matter?¡± I say.


    ¡°No, but this is too much for you. You might feel bad if you continue.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go already!¡±


    It seems like a sign of fate, but here begins a series of slow dances.


    ¡°There will be several. Do you want to dance it with me?¡±


    He seems a little confused. It is unexpected to see such emotion from the self-confident and cynical John. But does it matter? He and I are finally standing close to each other. I look straight into his eyes. The world is floating under my feet. I drank so much in vain. I don¡¯t feel bad, I just really want to sleep. But I can¡¯t ruin the moment.

 Part 4. Chapter 16.

    JOHN.


    Perhaps she should have consumed all that alcohol. I get to know Chris from a new side. Although I drank a little more than usual, I feel great. She put her hands on my shoulders and she is standing very close. I can look into the ocean of green eyes, a little clouded, but looking straight at me without taking my eyes off. It¡¯s a pity that I can¡¯t stop time. I¡¯m looking at her lips, they are small, but so seductive. And in the spotlight she is so beautiful.


    ¡°How could I not notice this?¡±


    We slowly spin. Her head rests on my chest. I gently stroke her back. Her hands intertwine in a lock on my neck, and I only press her closer to me. The song ends, and the next one begins.


    ¡°Another one?¡± I asked.


    She only nodded. Then, suddenly, she unclasped her hands, pulled me to her by the collar of my shirt with one and quietly whispered: ¡°I love you, John ¡­¡±


    For a second, my breath catches. Did I imagine it? But she doesn¡¯t say anything else and just looks at me with a long, searching gaze. I wanted to ask again, but I didn¡¯t dare, what if it¡¯s the whiskey in my head. However, her pupils have dilated. It¡¯s as if she¡¯s waiting for an answer, and not finding one, she whispers barely audibly: ¡°Forgive me.¡±


    Her eyes have gone dim. And she weakly puts her head on my chest. Her arms hang down. With her height, she looks so fragile and small. It looks like she¡¯s about to fall. I squeeze her shoulders tightly and say:


    ¡°Let¡¯s go home, baby.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t resist. I take our things, put a coat on her. The taxi arrives quickly. It¡¯s great that I rented a cozy apartment in a residential area of ??London a week ago. I didn¡¯t expect Chris to be in it so quickly and in such a situation, but maybe it¡¯s for the best. Her head rests on my shoulder. She dozed off. About twenty minutes later the driver stops. I pay the bill.


    ¡°It¡¯s time to wake up, Chris¡­¡±


    She opens her eyes, crawls out somehow, and closes them again. I pick her up, carry her to the apartment and lay her on the bed. The cool night air has refreshed me, and I am almost sober. I will have to change her clothes myself. Well, my pants are too big for her, so I will give her only a T-shirt. It will be like a dress to her. I would give her a bath, after all, I have already had to catch a glimpse of her naked body, but it is not kind to her in this state. Although it would help calm my nerves. And I also need to let down her hair, it is pulled tight. Time to get down to business. I pull off her coat and boots. Then I unzip her jeans and unbutton her blouse. She mumbles something unintelligible, but does not wake up. I carefully take off the blouse and even more carefully the jeans.


    ¡°And what to do with the bra?¡± I ask myself.


    If I leave it, she will feel uncomfortable. And if I take it off, I won¡¯t be able to restrain my male being.


    ¡°But what does it matter if it will make her uncomfortable? You can take a shower anyway and relieve the tension,¡± I tell myself.


    I take a T-shirt out of the closet. Finally, the last obstacle is passed, and a pair of snow-white small breasts open up before my eyes. My friend below reacts immediately. Trying not to touch her in the attractive areas, I lift her head and part of her body and, leaning her against myself, I put her head through the neck. The dangerous zone is finally removed from my eyes. And I almost overcame the temptation. I pull the hairpins out of her head and take off the hair roller. It scattered over her shoulders. I inhale their scent, mixing with the smell of shampoo. And why did I do this? My desire has become even stronger. I am going to fold her things and go to the shower. All that remains is to put her under the blanket. I take off my shirt and remain in only jeans.


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    ¡°You will have to sleep in the same bed tonight... But isn¡¯t that what you wanted?¡± my brain asks me.


    ¡°I want to drink...¡± she says, barely moving her lips.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get some water now,¡± I¡¯m whispering to her.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want water. Wine would be OK¡­¡±


    ¡°What an alcoholic,¡± I laughed to myself.


    Luckily, I have a bottle of good red wine in the fridge. I bought it for myself, but I can¡¯t help but share it with my love. I open the glass and bring it to her. She opens her eyes, but still looks tired. Of course, she slept for about an hour. I can¡¯t even call it sleep.


    ¡°Take it. I see you enjoyed drinking it,¡± I tell her in my usual manner.


    But it seems she hasn¡¯t sobered up yet. She looks at me with a sleepy look, then at the wine, drinks it slowly, puts the glass on the nightstand and says:


    ¡°Stay with me¡­¡±


    This time I heard right.


    ¡°You need to sleep, baby,¡± I tell her tenderly, looking at her.


    I¡¯m about to cover her with a blanket, but she tugs at my hand. I lose my balance and land so that my face is close to hers. We are separated by a few centimeters. I jerk away from her. She puts her hand on my torso and examines it. My hand reaches for her hair. I lean towards her and speak quietly in her ear:


    ¡°I told you not to tease me. Otherwise, I can hurt you. Men and women are built differently. And if you don¡¯t understand this, then I won¡¯t be able to protect you from myself.¡±


    Why should I explain everything to her like a child?!


    She just puts her finger to my lips and puts my hand on her tits. Right under her T-shirt. And


    I give in with a stifled moan. And squeezing her tits with my hand, I kiss her a little sloppily, but now is not the time for apologies, she brought it to this herself. Chris reciprocates, and pulling away tells me:


    ¡°I hate those beauties who slept with you. And I hate you for it too.¡±


    ¡°Shut up,¡± I interrupt her.


    I take her hand in mine and press it to my excited friend. He can be felt through my jeans and is insistently asking to be freed.


    ¡°Admire what you¡¯ve done,¡± I playfully curse.


    Chris looks at the bulge with interest and tries to unzip my jeans, but her hands do not obey her. Then she begins to gently stroke. And I am ready to fly into the sky like a kite.


    ¡°You know, I could fuck you here and now, I¡¯m excited and ready for it,¡± I¡¯m not shy about expressions anymore, ¡°but I¡¯ll do it when you ask me about it consciously. I don¡¯t need you to regret what you say and do. And when you¡¯re ready to repeat to me everything you said tonight, looking into my eyes, we¡¯ll go back to where we stopped now. So go to bed!¡± I want to leave already and relieve myself in proud solitude.


    ¡°You¡¯ll come to me, right?¡± she asks with some hope in her voice.


    ¡°Of course, my little silly. Where will I go from you?¡± I sigh resignedly.


    ¡°I think I need to go to the toilet,¡± Chris says.


    What the hell?


    ¡°Okay,¡± I agree, ¡°will you make it?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± she shakes her head doubtfully.


    I help her up, but end up having to pick her up and carry her myself.


    ¡°I¡¯ll wait for you outside,¡± I say.


    I go and turn on the water. I should probably fill the bath. A minute later, I start to worry and go to ask how she is, but then Chris looks out, scared.


    ¡°John, don¡¯t get any ideas,¡± she presses herself against me, as if seeking protection, ¡°my panties are wet. I¡¯m so embarrassed, I didn¡¯t pee, honestly.¡±


    I burst into fits of laughter. I can¡¯t catch my breath from laughing. Then, having calmed down a little, I squeeze out:¡°Let¡¯s go to the bathroom. You need to take a shower.¡±


    ¡°I really didn¡¯t do anything, the bed is dry, you can check. I swear.¡±


    ¡°I believe you.¡±


    I¡¯m putting my arm around her shoulders and leading her to the bathroom. Looks like she¡¯s never had a boyfriend. What a liar! I¡¯ll have to teach her myself. I think I¡¯m going to have some fun with her.

 Part 4. Chapter 17.

    JOHN.


    ¡°Calm down. Nothing terrible happened. Aren¡¯t you afraid to be in the same bath with me?¡± I ask.


    Chris shakes her head negatively.


    ¡°But then we¡¯ll have to undress you.¡±


    This time she nods her head in agreement.


    ¡°Raise your hands,¡± I command.


    She obediently raises her hands, and I pull off her T-shirt and throw it in the laundry basket. I¡¯ll have to give her a new one after the shower. Okay, I still have a couple in reserve. But now I have that same question again.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to do something now. Do you trust me?¡±


    Chris nods.


    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡±


    I stand behind her and gently pinch her nipples between my fingers and twist it lightly, then release it and touch it with my fingertips. They are hard.


    ¡°Do you like it?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she answers shyly.


    ¡°Do you want me to continue?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    I move her hair aside and kiss her neck. I hold her waist with one hand, while with the other I finally unbutton the ill-fated jeans. It¡¯s a freedom!


    ¡°Now just relax and let your body speak for you. You are too tense. Okay? No need to be shy if you like it, and tell me if you are uncomfortable. I will take it off if you do not mind.¡±


    Chris seems to be starting to sober up, because all the courage has gone somewhere, only a fragile girl is left, trying to close herself in her cocoon again. No, she must feel at least some pleasure from the fact that today she is next to me. Will she be able to say again that she cares about me? Maybe someday. In any case, I will offer her to live together, so that she gets used to me.


    I remain in my underwear, and my little girl too. Only her hair slightly covers her breasts. She is so tempting. I turn off the water. The bath is ready for both of us, but the water seems a little hot. I twirl a strand of her hair in my hand. And I lean towards her a little. She looks at me with wide-open eyes. I stroke her cheek with my finger and go down to her chin. Holding it, I lift her head and gently part her lips with my tongue. She does not resist. I slowly move her against the wall and finally press her. Now she¡¯s blocked. I hold her back with one hand, and with the other I begin to caress her breasts, kissing her all the while. Chris leans forward slightly to meet me.


    ¡°Good girl,¡± I note to myself with satisfaction.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to push you against the wall a little now. Wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist, okay?¡±


    She nods, not taking her eyes off me. I lift her up, and now her face is level with mine, or even a little higher.


    ¡°Do you want to kiss me?¡± I ask.


    She takes my face in her thin palms and presses her lips to mine. I reach for her panties. They are definitely wet.


    ¡°Ouch!¡± she pulls away.


    ¡°Don¡¯t fidget,¡± I¡®m warning her, ¡°I won¡¯t hurt you.¡±


    ¡°But it is wet,¡± she tries to object.


    ¡°It means you like my body,¡± I try to explain in simple terms.


    While she kisses me again, I run my finger over her wet panties, and again, and again. I feel her crotch pulsating. It¡¯s so exciting.


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    ¡°Do you want to move them aside?¡±


    I support her under the butt and pull the treasured strip.


    ¡°So wet,¡± I purr in her ear.


    CHRISTINA.


    I don¡¯t know when it all went wrong. We were at the club, I was drinking, and then what? I don¡¯t know how I ended up at John¡¯s place, but I¡¯m going crazy from the smell of him mixed with the smell of ¡°Fahrenheit¡±. I¡¯m terribly ashamed of my wet panties, but he doesn¡¯t seem to care. He¡¯s incredibly gentle. And I like it so much.


    ¡°Do you want to take them off? We don¡¯t need them anymore.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± is the only thing I can say.


    He carefully lowers me to the floor. He squats down and, looking up at me, says:


    ¡°I¡¯m taking it off.¡±


    But before he does, he runs his finger down the wet strip between my legs, back and forth. And again. I seem to like his touch. John doesn¡¯t take his eyes off me. It¡¯s so awkward. Finally, he takes my panties off my buttocks and grabs them with his very strong hands. He strokes them and squeezes them again.


    ¡°There are nice feelings,¡± I note to myself.


    He pulls the front part down, and this piece of fabric falls to my feet. Oh, I¡¯m completely naked. How embarrassing.


    ¡°The last frontier is crossed,¡± he laughs, picking me up and placing me right in the bathtub. A bottle of red wine appears from somewhere. It¡¯s already started. John takes a sip straight from the bottle, and then asks in a hoarse voice:


    ¡°Do you want more?¡±


    ¡°Just a little,¡± I say, embarrassed. I haven¡¯t eaten for a long time, and the wine is spreading through my body too quickly, although I¡¯ve only taken a couple of sips.


    ¡°Enough,¡± he says, ¡°sit down. I¡¯ll sit behind you.¡±


    With these words, he climbs into the bathtub after me. He hugs me again and presses me to himself. His underwear is wet, the fabric is stuck, and I feel his arousal.


    ¡°Sorry, I might be a little rough now. I want you and I¡¯m holding on with all my might.¡±


    He kisses my neck. Then my shoulder. I stroke his protruding dignity.


    ¡°Oh yeah!¡±


    I turn my head. His eyes are closed, his mouth is slightly open, he seems pleased. I put my hand inside and feel the hardness of his friend. A light groan escaped his lips. But he quickly pulls himself together, and his fingers quickly slide along my body to the cherished goal. He strokes very close. Closer, closer, and his fingers touch my mound below. I¡¯m in heaven. I try not to make sounds, although I really want to.


    ¡°Do you like it?¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡±


    There, in the lower abdomen, something is pulsating. John jumps out of the bathroom and runs away, a minute later he comes back.


    ¡°Where is our washcloth and shower gel? It¡¯s time to wash you.¡±


    He is less excited and more balanced. Then he rolls me up in a big towel and carries me to a big beautiful bed.


    ¡°Let¡¯s put this on. Now go to sleep, my baby.¡±


    ***


    It¡¯s midmorning. The sun¡¯s rays don¡¯t penetrate the window, thanks to the thick curtains. John is still asleep, and his arm is around my waist. I¡¯m wearing his T-shirt. It seems like last night something went completely wrong. I vaguely remember the events, but it seems like we had some kind of intimate contact.


    ¡°We didn¡¯t sleep together, I hope?¡± I ask myself.


    I gently push his hand away. My dream seems to have come true. The man I love is sleeping next to me with the most serene appearance. But I feel so ashamed. I try to get up, my head is splitting.


    ¡°Oh my God, where are my panties?! How embarrassing!¡±


    I go to the kitchen. I need to drink something. There is something in the fridge. Yogurt - that will do for me. I drink it in one gulp, and quietly creep into the bathroom. I look in the mirror.


    ¡°What a horror!¡±


    There are bruises under my eyes, my face looks tired.


    ¡°He saw me like this. This is a real nightmare. I need to get out of here quickly, before he wakes up. Clothes, where are my clothes?¡±


    Yeah, everything is hanging on the radiator. grab my panties, blouse, jeans. Where is the bra? And the blouse is wrinkled. Oh, screw it! I quickly put it on. I need to run. I¡¯ll think about it later. I tiptoe into the hallway. John rolls over. I stop and hold my breath.


    ¡°Phew, that was a relief.¡±


    I grab my coat. Luckily, my bag is in the hallway.


    ¡°Phone, I need my phone! Yes, it¡¯s here.¡±


    I try to open the door as quietly as possible and slip out. I close the door. I take the elevator down to the first floor and run as fast as I can to the next house, and the next. I trip and fall. It hurts. I think I hurt my knee. I get up and run on. At the next intersection, I stop and try to catch my breath. I order a taxi. Memories of last night are starting to come back in fragments. I¡¯m in deep. So embarrassed¡­


    JOHN.


    It must be midday now. My girl is sleeping next to me. It seems¡­ I run my hand over the bed and open my eyes. But where is she?


    ¡°Chris?.. Chris!¡±


    There is silence in response. I jump up. I look into the bathroom, but it is empty.


    ¡°Chris?! Please tell me this is not true! You are just hiding, right?¡±


    I go into the hallway, but her things are gone, and her bag. The door is closed, but not locked. She left after all.


    ¡°You¡¯re such an idiot, John. You scared her. You love her, couldn¡¯t you control yourself? She was the only one drinking, and you could think rationally. You are an idiot!¡±


    I grab the phone. I call, but she¡¯s turned off hers. I call again and again, but the voice on the other end tells me that the subscriber is unavailable. I¡¯m angry with myself. I dial my father.


    ¡°Is everything bad?¡± he asks sympathetically.


    ¡°She left, Dad. I¡¯ll break something, my nerves are on edge.¡±


    ¡°Send me the address. And try to calm down. I¡¯ll come as soon as I can.¡±


    The glass flew into the wall, it was on the nightstand nearby.


    ¡°Cool down, son. We¡¯ll figure out what to do next.¡±


    I¡¯m hanging up and sending him the address. I need to take an ice-cold shower. It will help calm my nerves.

 Part 4. Chapter 18.

    TWO YEARS LATER.


    KRISTINA.


    Christmas is approaching. The city is all in lights. The shops are full, the streets are more lively than usual. People meet, hug and go for a walk along the wide streets. I feel the spirit of Christmas too. And this year I will celebrate it alone again. It is a little sad, but I do not despair, because I made my own choice. Maybe it is for the best.


    ¡°The apartment is just right, small and cozy. Thank you for helping me find it, signora.¡±


    ¡°No need to thank me,¡± the woman smiles, ¡°you¡¯re paying.¡±


    The realtor is a woman in her forties, she is married and has two children. We met completely by chance when I first came to Rome on business.


    ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m so clumsy.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t rush so much, otherwise you definitely won¡¯t have time to do what you wanted. Are you a student?¡±


    I answered her haltingly in broken Italian, which I had just started learning. She laughed.


    ¡°Where are you from?¡± She switched to passable English.


    ¡°I am from Scotland.¡±


    ¡°My husband wants to go there someday.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll pay for the coffee. I¡¯m sorry it happened.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. My name is Celeste. And I¡¯m a realtor. Call me when you need me,¡± she handed me her business card.


    ¡°Okay, signora. Have a nice day!¡±


    ¡°Come visit us for the holidays, Cristina. My children are dreaming of finally meeting a talented artist.¡±


    I¡¯m a little embarrassed:


    ¡°I don¡¯t even know. I wouldn¡¯t want to cause any inconvenience¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk nonsense, girl. You are not bothering anyone, and you are especially welcome in our home. This is my address,¡± Celeste takes out a small piece of paper on which the address seems to be written in advance, ¡°think carefully. In any case, we will wait for you.¡±


    She leaves. I decide to take another look around, then go to the window. The area is not too poor, but not too rich either. The view is of ordinary Roman streets, but I like it. I want to make a sketch. Sometimes I draw it in a small notebook for myself as a keepsake. The atmosphere is right. I am interrupted by the doorbell. Maybe Celeste forgot something. But no, there is a courier standing in front of me.


    ¡°Signorina Cristina Winnes?¡±


    ¡°S¨¬, signore.¡±


    ¡°Someone asked me to deliver it to you.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    He looks in his notes.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, signorina, anonymously. Please sign.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Okay.¡±


    I leave a neat signature and hesitantly take the small box.


    Stolen story; please report.


    ¡°Merry Christmas, signor!¡±


    ¡°And to you too. Arrivederci!¡±


    It¡¯s strange. However, I must finish the sketch first.


    By evening, I finally mustered up the courage to open the strange narrow box. I untie the white ribbon from the gift.


    ¡°Who could it be?¡±


    There¡¯s a rustling small bag inside. And a blank sheet of paper on it.


    ¡°Hmm. Maybe they put it there by accident?¡±


    There are two Snickers bars and a gray twisted candle in the bag.


    ¡°What is this?! What nonsense¡­ Maybe I should really go to Celeste and her family for Christmas? Come on, Christina, you¡¯re exaggerating,¡± I say to myself.


    It¡¯s time to rest. I¡¯m tired from getting to Rome and then from waiting for Celeste. It¡¯s good that she found such a nice place for me in advance. And most importantly, it¡¯s small and cozy. I undress and lie down under a thin but very soft blanket, but I can¡¯t fall asleep. Well, I¡¯ll have to order something for myself. I think I¡¯m hungry.


    An hour later, I got a knock at the door.


    ¡°Signorina, your pizza.¡±


    ¡°Grazie, signor.¡±


    Finally, I can enjoy the wonderful taste of food. I open the box, and¡­


    ¡°Another white sheet of paper, on top of the pizza. What the hell? Okay, never mind, dinner comes first.¡±


    Trying not to think about it, I eat the pizza and wash it down with soda. Then I go back to bed and try to fall asleep quickly, not thinking about these strange things.


    The sun wakes me up, seeping through the crack between the curtains that I didn¡¯t close very well the night before. I don¡¯t want to get up from my soft bed, but there¡¯s only one day left until Christmas. I have some spare money, so I need to buy presents. I¡¯ll still accept the invitation.


    ¡°That¡¯s great. We¡¯ll be waiting for you at ten o¡¯clock, Christina,¡± there¡¯s satisfaction in her voice.


    What should I buy that would suit everyone?


    A large, elegant Christmas tree greets me almost from the threshold. More precisely, the living room is straight ahead, so that a beautiful view can be seen as soon as I open the door.


    ¡°Aunt Christina has arrived!¡± someone with a bunch of curls immediately hangs on my neck.


    ¡°Gabriella! Calm down, please. Let the girl pass. The slippers are on the bottom shelf,¡± says Celeste.


    ¡°Good evening,¡± I say, ¡°so you¡¯re Gabriella, then? Please take this under the tree.¡±


    ¡°Presents, presents!¡± the girl exclaims, snatching the box from my hands and running to the tree.


    ¡°Watch out, don¡¯t fall!¡± Celeste warns her, ¡°the noisy child,¡± she smiles at me.


    ¡°How old is she?¡± I look at Celeste understandingly.


    ¡°Four and a half. A hurricane, not a child,¡± she laughs, but at the same time she is a little embarrassed.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, signora,¡± I tell her, ¡°when we were kids some of us were really active.¡±


    She looks at me suspiciously.


    ¡°Somehow I don¡¯t believe it. You¡¯re too calm.¡±


    ¡°Well, we all grow up, right?¡± I smile shyly.


    ¡°I can¡¯t help but agree. But why are you standing there, come in.¡±


    The living room is decorated. Paper garlands are everywhere.


    ¡°My brother and I made these,¡± Gabriella shouts from the other end of the living room.


    ¡°This is my husband Antonio,¡± Celeste points to a stately man of about fifty. Gray hair is already starting to timidly break through his thick black hair. He looks at me through his glasses in a gilded frame and says to me in a deep, pleasant voice:


    ¡°Hello, signorina. So your name is Cristina, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s right.¡±


    ¡°And this is Vico, our pride,¡± Celeste continues and points to a guy sitting in an armchair in the back of the living room, ¡°say hello, Vico.¡±


    ¡°Good evening!¡±


    Vico is like his father, like two peas in a pod, only he doesn¡¯t wear glasses.


    ¡°You sit down for now, there¡¯s another chair behind the Christmas tree. Antonio, will you help me?¡±


    ¡°Of course, my doe,¡± his gaze is full of love.


    ¡°They suit each other,¡± I note. I walk in and sit down.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯ve joined us. I¡¯ve wanted to meet you for a long time. I once went to an exhibition at your university. Your work immediately caught my eye. It¡¯s a unique style. I think you¡¯ll be successful. I was pretty good at drawing in primary school, but then I realized I wanted to be a cardiologist, and I¡¯m still studying. I¡¯m twenty-four. And you?¡±


    ¡°Twenty-three. And I graduated this year. So now I¡¯m on my own.¡±


    ¡°Great, I¡¯m happy for you. What are your plans now?¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t decided yet. I want to get a job in an art gallery. But I¡¯m not sure my language skills are good enough to hold exhibitions. And I don¡¯t really want to go back to Scotland.¡±


    ¡°Can I ask why?¡± Vico asks curiously.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to talk about it. But I have my own reasons.¡±


    ¡°What about your family?¡±


    I hesitate to answer. I feel Vico looking at my hands, I squeeze them tighter than usual. Little Gabriella comes to my rescue.


    ¡°Brother,¡± she runs up to him, ¡°help me, please.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t beat the game on the tablet again?¡± his gaze warms.


    ¡°Yeah, there¡¯s not much left.¡±


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s go. I hope you can do it.¡±


    He finishes talking to me and dives into the game, explaining to his sister how to do it. Celeste comes up to us.


    ¡°Everything is ready, time to go to the table.¡±

 Part 4. Chapter 19.

    JOHN.


    ¡°The Christmas candles are already lit. Come on, John, everyone is waiting.¡±


    Aela is shining as always. I look up from contemplating the fire in the fireplace.


    ¡°I¡¯m coming, just wait a minute.¡±


    I¡¯m taking a small rolled-up piece of paper, tied with a rope, out of my pocket and throwing it into the fire. It flares up brightly and begins to disappear. I¡¯m watching without taking my eyes off it. And as the flame lazily turns over what¡¯s left of it for the last time, I¡¯m going to join the others. The house has been busy these last few years, just like it was when I was a kid. Only now it¡¯s not Grandma¡¯s friends who are with us, but Aela¡¯s many relatives and her and Dad¡¯s friends, new and old. Dr. Wilson and his wife are here too. And who would have thought it, but their son Peter and my childhood friend Amber are married and even expecting a child. We still don¡¯t get along very well with this guy, but we don¡¯t fight either. It¡¯s better than it could have been. There¡¯s a roasted sugar pig on the table, Marco is a real magician. He¡¯s getting on in years, so he¡¯ll soon be leaving us and going back to Italy. So Aela got some delicious recipes from him, and she¡¯s pretty good at it.


    ¡°Hey, John, you look good! Come on over! Let¡¯s have a family get-together. You¡¯re going to see your friends for the New Year anyway, and we don¡¯t know when we¡¯ll see each other again. Daughter, stop running and come sit with us! Son-in-law, sit her down, she is a real fidget!¡±


    ¡°Dad, stop, please,¡± Aela laughs heartily.


    ¡°What did I say wrong?!¡± the elderly gentleman is surprised.


    The tree is shimmering and blinking. There are presents lying underneath. And I¡¯ve been putting one of them symbolically for two years now. And then I take it away and it lies in my room again. Of course, the one it¡¯s intended for won¡¯t come. But this is for my own satisfaction. She is my personal prison. I probably shouldn¡¯t have let her go. But if she wanted it, I also couldn¡¯t stop her. She is like a bird that has flown out of a cage, sensing freedom. And she is unlikely to return to look at the world through the bars.


    ¡°John, you¡¯re an idiot! Why can¡¯t you just stop loving her? How did you get to this point?!¡± I¡¯m mad at myself, but that doesn¡¯t help matters.


    ¡°Let¡¯s have some hot mulled wine!¡±


    Well, here it goes¡­


    I know the evening will be long, and then it will smoothly turn into the night. Everyone here celebrates Christmas as before, although in Scotland not everyone celebrates it on the twenty-fifth anymore. The world is changing, and customs too. But this is what makes us all come together. Laughter, smiles, toasts and noisy chatter. It¡¯s hard for me to stay with them for too long. I decide to leave them and go up to my room. How arrogant I was before¡­ There is a framed photo on the nightstand. And in it she is in a pale gold dress with thick straps, holding a soft teddy bear. My father gave her this for her eighteenth birthday. On her face is a shy smile, which is so rare to see. Luckily, Aela captured it without Christina noticing. I look at the photo, then run my fingertip along the glass where her cheek is.


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    ¡°You know, you¡¯re an idiot,¡± someone says calmly from behind, ¡°that¡¯s why you piss me off.¡±


    I flinched. Who broke into my hideout? I turned around. Of course it was Peter.


    ¡°What are you doing here?¡± I ask him tiredly.


    ¡°Let me sit down.¡±


    He sat down in the next chair without waiting for my answer.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± he continues, ¡±I¡¯ll be brief. I didn¡¯t want to communicate with you for a long time, I even hated you, because I loved her with all my heart. I still don¡¯t understand what she saw in you. You did so much bad to Chris. I was so angry because she chose you and not me, although I was ready to do everything for her. Yes, our age difference is bigger than yours, but not much. Everything irritated me, starting from your appearance and your condescending attitude to everyone, to your manner of speech. I hated your endless girlfriends because she suffered from it. I was ready to go and beat you up, to shake all the shit out of you. But Christina begged me every time not to do it. She loves you so much that she even moved to another country so as not to hurt herself and you more. I don¡¯t think she knows that you care about her. So now, when you suffer, I¡¯m glad, I¡¯ll say it honestly. And the more you suffer, the better for you. I have a beloved woman, and of course I don¡¯t feel anything for my childhood friend anymore. But I¡¯m very upset that she chose such an idiot. I think she¡¯ll come back soon. I can¡¯t be completely sure. But I suppose she will. Chris is independent, but she¡¯s unlikely to stay in a foreign country for long, unless she finds herself a good guy¡­¡±


    ¡°Shut up,¡± I say through my teeth, ¡°leave while I am not in a condition to fight you.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t get worked up, hero lover, I¡¯m almost done.¡±


    He gets up.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure that will happen. But if you don¡¯t appear on the horizon, you¡¯ll remain alone. Although you deserve it.¡±


    ¡°Get out of here!!!¡±


    I throw a slipper at the door, but it is already closed.


    ¡°I can¡¯t leave my wife for long, but think about what I said,¡± comes from there.


    ¡°Damn!¡± I punched the wall. This lanky guy has made me angry again. I turn back to the photo. Christina is still smiling innocently, looking at me from behind the glass.


    ¡°And you¡­¡± I point my finger at the photo, ¡°You will be mine, got it? Don¡¯t even doubt it. I will not give you to anyone.¡±


    By the way, where is she now? I still remember her number. I dialed her. But her phone is switched off. Seriously? I¡¯m dialing again.


    ¡°Subscriber unavailable¡­¡±Where are you, girl? You haven¡¯t called or texted me once during this time! Although I haven¡¯t contacted her since she left either.


    ¡°I love you, John¡­¡±


    My throat is dry from these memories. I want to see her next to me again. I want her to repeat these words without a drop of wine, and then I could own her for the rest of my life, and she me¡­


    ¡°It¡¯s Christmas, John, maybe she found company. She must have been lonely there,¡± said my brain.


    My heart is pounding wildly. It¡¯s because I¡¯m angry and excited. I can¡¯t control myself when I replay that night and her barely audible moans in my head. I need to relieve the tension, or I¡¯ll break something now.


    CHRISTINA.


    I feel a little awkward. In an Italian family, it¡¯s almost as fun as it used to be at home. Only here, everyone respects each other. As a child, no one respected me much, except for Ann. She took care of me. And then Jack, Aela. And John, whom I could only watch from afar.


    ¡°How is he?¡± Thinking about him, my heart betrays me.


    ¡°Christina, you¡¯re so sad,¡± little Gabriella takes me by surprise. I smile shyly, ¡°don¡¯t you like it with us?¡±


    ¡°Of course I do. That¡¯s not the point¡­¡±


    ¡°She likes it, very much,¡± Vico says, suddenly appearing next to me, and in a quieter voice, ¡°you really like someone, right?¡±


    I shuddered.


    ¡°Shh,¡± he puts his finger to my lips, ¡°let¡¯s talk about this later, not in such a situation.¡±


    ¡°Baby, should I draw you something?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Hurray, hurray! Christina is going to draw me now!¡±


    ¡°Do you want me to draw you?¡± I ask in surprise.


    ¡°Of course I want to!¡±


    ¡°But it won¡¯t be quick.¡±


    ¡°I wa-ant! I¡¯ll sit quietly, I promise!¡±


    ¡°Okay, okay,¡± I agreed.


    I am given a sheet of paper and a notebook with a smooth cover. So, I begin.

 Part 4. Chapter 20.

    Soft light falls on Vico¡¯s face. And his skin takes on the shade of smoky quartz, and his hair shines and looks even blacker. The jacket fits him like a glove. The jeans hug his toned legs. What girl wouldn¡¯t fall in love with this young, promising man? But my heart is already taken.


    ¡°Order whatever you want,¡± he says, ¡°I¡¯m paying because I have a proposition for you. You can refuse, of course, but I think you¡¯ll agree.¡±


    ¡°How can you be so sure?¡± I ask, leafing through the menu.


    The waitress comes up to us. She sees Vico and freezes, staring at his face.


    ¡°Have you chosen yet?¡± he asks me.


    ¡°Caprese and cannoli, please.¡±


    The waitress notices me and winces. It makes sense, she¡¯s clearly prettier. Vico doesn¡¯t pay attention to her.


    ¡°And I¡¯ll have osso bucco, panna cotta and coffee. And two glasses of semi-dry white wine, please.¡±


    Vico keeps looking at me. I¡¯m silent, I feel awkward. Yes, he¡¯s very handsome, but I already have someone I love, even if we¡¯ll never be together.


    ¡°You can¡¯t hide your emotions,¡± he finally says, ¡°I like that about you. Unrequited love is probably sad. I don¡¯t know this feeling. I look at my mom and dad. They are perfect, but I don¡¯t quite understand what they feel. I am as cold on the inside as I am on the outside.¡±


    He speaks directly, without any embarrassment.


    ¡°Emmm.¡±


    ¡°Buon appetito!¡± says the waitress, continuing to glance at Vico.


    ¡°Grazie!¡± we answered in unison.


    She is disappointed, but still hopes for something.


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s do it, for our deal or something,¡± says Vico.


    ¡°You still haven¡¯t told me what kind of offer you have for me.¡±


    ¡°Will you be my girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°What, I¡¯m sorry?!¡± To say that I¡¯m shocked is to say nothing.


    ¡°Yes, everything I said before is true,¡± he continues, ¡°but I¡¯m not offering this for real. Do you want to be my fake girlfriend? I know I¡¯m straightforward, but that way I won¡¯t be pestered by girls. You¡¯ve finished your studies anyway, and now you have basically nothing to do. Have you ever thought about creating your own website and painting to order? They¡¯ve heard of you in Rome, your style is not perfect, but it¡¯s unique, and people will buy your work. Also, start social networks. I have a friend who will help you with the management first. Getting a job in a prestigious gallery here won¡¯t be so easy, you have no experience. Plus, it¡¯s working with people, and you¡¯re quite shy.¡±


    Yes, it¡¯s all factual. What kind of insightful guy is that?


    ¡°I¡¯ll help you buy everything for your home studio, if you decide to do so. And in your free time, you¡¯ll go with me to all sorts of meetings so that I can refuse girls like her.¡± Viko points towards the waitress.


    ¡°Besides, I think your chosen one is a rather complicated guy, since you ran away so far.¡±


    ¡°How did you find out?!¡± I was surprised.


    ¡°I just watched your conversation, behavior and made the appropriate conclusion. It wasn¡¯t difficult. For my part, I will try to behave as a partner should, decently. And of course, I won¡¯t take you to my bed. Don¡¯t even hope. I¡¯m just curious about playing in relationships. I¡¯m done.¡±


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    He eats with an unperturbed look. The waitress came closer, probably wanting to ask for his number. I¡¯m poking my salad with my fork. It¡¯s good that I ordered a little food, I¡¯m not in the mood for a hearty dinner now.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it, okay?¡± I say quietly, ¡°I¡¯m sorry I can¡¯t give you an answer so quickly.¡±


    ¡°Two days,¡± he says, ¡°will two days be enough for you?¡±


    ¡°I think so.¡±


    ¡°Okay, Cristina. Let¡¯s have a drink.¡±


    The waitress brings the bill. When we are about to leave, Vico gets up first.


    ¡°Should I help you put on your jacket?¡±


    This is my finest hour!


    ¡°Excuse me, signor, you... And this girl¡­¡±


    The waitress decided not to miss the moment. Vico ignores her, and when I button my jacket, he leans towards me and playfully touches my lips for a second.


    ¡°We are dating, otherwise we wouldn¡¯t have come here together. So don¡¯t get your hopes up. Anything else?¡± He looks at the discouraged girl with an icy gaze.


    ¡°N-no. Have a nice d-day¡­¡±


    We walk away a bit, and for the first time I see Vico laughing:


    ¡°Did you see her face?!¡±


    ¡°It was epic,¡± I answer cheerfully.


    The snow is crunching under my feet. There¡¯s not much of it, but it reminds me of my native Scotland. We stop at the house where I rent a small apartment.


    ¡°Won¡¯t you invite me? I¡¯m just kidding!¡±


    ¡°Go already, Gabriella, she probably misses her elder brother,¡± I smile.


    ¡°Yes, she¡¯s a very sweet child,¡± he says seriously, ¡°give me your phone, please.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°And how will you contact me if anything happens?¡±


    He enters the number and marks himself as that handsome guy.


    ¡°You have a big ego,¡± I tell him.


    ¡°Are you trying to say that I¡¯m not handsome? Then you¡¯ll be lying. And lying is not nice. Besides, it¡¯s not real. Right?¡±


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯re right,¡± I agree, ¡°then I¡¯ll go, bye.¡±


    He waves his hand at me and goes, adjusting his thick black hair with his hand. Any girl would probably faint from such a proposal from such a handsome man, but it seems that I am terminally ill. I go upstairs, undress, fall on the bed and look at the ceiling. It was too unexpected. He is certainly a strange guy, this Vico. John is secretive, and this one is straightforward as an ox. Although, perhaps, it is for the best. The doorbell rings.


    ¡°Who again?¡±


    I open the door. No one. There is a piece of paper on the floor. I look around, but there is no sign of an outsider. I pick up the sheet and close the door. Again. Who could it be? I am going to throw it away, but I turn it over, and ... There is the letter T in red pencil.


    ¡°What the hell?¡±


    Maybe this is a mistake? Although last time it was a personalized parcel. The snickers are in the same box, I completely forgot about them. I decide to watch what happens next. And yet, I feel uneasy. What if all this is really for me? I will probably give my consent to Vico. But I will write about it tomorrow. And now I am tired and want to sleep.


    ***


    A week later, Viko has a meeting with his friends, and he invites me to it. Dress code is green.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s not that hard,¡± I tell him.


    And it¡¯s true. I¡¯ve outgrown some of my clothes, but I need to check and realter it a little, although my height hasn¡¯t changed much since I was sixteen. I take a green, body-hugging, floor-length dress with black birds on it. It looks impressive. But I don¡¯t have any shoes. I have some money left, I need to stop at a boutique on the way.


    That handsome guy:


    ¡°Come out, I¡¯m waiting for you downstairs.¡±


    ¡°Give me two minutes, please,¡± I answered.


    I quickly examine myself in the mirror. I have light makeup on my eyes. I don¡¯t know how to do anything else. I hope this will work. Trying not to get tangled in my dress, I go downstairs.


    ¡°Hm, what¡¯s that on your feet? Did you bring a change of shoes?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I answer sheepishly, ¡°we need to stop at the nearest boutique. I¡¯ll buy some for myself.¡±


    ¡°Okay, it doesn¡¯t matter, get in. And we¡¯ll stop at a beauty salon. Let them fix it.¡±


    ¡°Is this your car?¡±


    ¡°I got it from my father. My parents want to give it to me when I finish my studies. But that¡¯s not soon. So sometimes I take advantage of the opportunity when he¡¯s not busy at the university and can lend it to me.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± I answer.


    ¡°Get in already.¡±


    He opens the door for me. A gentleman, no doubt.


    In the boutique, I find myself a pair of pumps with a small, thin heel. This is not my style, but I¡¯ll get used to it. In the salon, they help me make my eyes darker and draw small arrows. This contrasts with the beige lipstick on my lips. My hair is styled in a simple but beautiful hairstyle. And we head off further. Viko turns on some indie playlist. We are silent and enjoy the sounds and voices of the singers. Half an hour later, I noticed that we had already left the city.


    ¡°Where are we going?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t tell you, sorry. My friends have a villa nearby. They are from wealthy families, so they often organize all sorts of events. And yes, this is an overnight stay. I didn¡¯t even tell you, damn it. And there is no time to go back. Okay, it doesn¡¯t matter, we¡¯ll think of something. I took a change of clothes with me. Your face turned crimson. Don¡¯t be afraid, I won¡¯t hurt you. And I have decent friends. Just relax.¡±


    And he smiles encouragingly.

 Part 4. Chapter 21.

    The third day of the new year. People have already celebrated the holiday with their families, and now they are celebrating with friends. We drove up to one of the villas, which is lit up with New Year¡¯s lights. The door is opened by a maid, apparently.


    ¡°Ah Vico, come in.¡±


    ¡°The girl is with me,¡± he says.


    ¡°Salve!¡± she nods to me in a friendly manner.


    Vico helps me take off my jacket, and patiently waits for me to change my shoes.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± he takes my hand. I look at him questioningly.


    ¡°Have you never had a boyfriend, except for the object of your affection? Are you blushing again? I guess I¡¯m right. Okay, just be natural, we should look like a couple.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Vico, ciao!¡±


    A cute guy comes up to us, not as handsome as my companion, of course, but also cute.


    ¡°Oh, and who is this? Another little girl? This is the first time you¡¯ve come to us with someone else.¡±


    He looks at me with interest.


    ¡°She¡¯s not bad. Nice dress, signorina!¡±


    ¡°This is my girlfriend, Christina. Be nice to her! How¡¯s Mia?¡±


    ¡°Oh, sorry, Christina! I¡¯m Leon.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you, Leon.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not Italian? Your Italian isn¡¯t perfect, I noticed.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s not that good, sorry. I¡¯m Scottish.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, some of us speak English well, and the rest of us, I think, will understand. Bro, seriously? I¡¯m glad you finally found someone. Such a handsome man can¡¯t go alone. Mia is great, she¡¯s just recovered from a difficult period, she¡¯s already better now. And her tummy is starting to grow. She¡¯s still nervous, but we¡¯ll manage.¡±


    ¡°Mia is his wife,¡± Vico whispers in my ear. I nod.


    ¡±I¡¯m glad to hear she¡¯s better, bro. We¡¯ll try to be quieter.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Mia insisted on this party, I suggested she cancel while she was pregnant.¡±


    We go up to the billiard room, where the bar is located. We are met by three more guys and four girls. One of them is sitting in a chair.


    ¡°How are you, my love?¡± Leon approaches the girl sitting in the chair. She smiles and whispers something in his ear.


    ¡°Ciao, Vico! It¡¯s been a while.¡±


    The others greet us too.


    ¡°This is my girlfriend, Christina. Take care of her.¡±\


    They look at me with interest.


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    ¡°Wow,¡± Mia finally says, ¡°Vico, you surprised us. I¡¯m Mia. And this is Agatha, Renata and Carla. The guys are Stefano, Nero and Edmund. But I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll need their names, you can hang out with us. Vico, you don¡¯t mind if we steal your girlfriend, do you? She seems a little embarrassed. You probably haven¡¯t interacted with people like us often. Tell us a little about yourself and let¡¯s go have a drink. Carla, will you pour me some juice?¡±


    I look at Vico for support. He barely noticeable spreads his arms. I wasn¡¯t ready for such close communication. I¡¯ve never had any female friends. And it¡¯s hard for me to communicate with them. But I have to. Especially since Vico promised to help me with the studio, and while I have no income, the money I¡¯ve been saving is gradually decreasing. If this continues, I¡¯ll have to go home soon. And I¡¯d like to stay in Rome longer. And even more so, I don¡¯t want to ask Jack for help, I don¡¯t deserve it. I¡¯d like to communicate with them as equals. Okay, I won¡¯t hide my sin, I don¡¯t want to see John, otherwise I won¡¯t stand it. I feel too much love and pain towards this man.


    ¡°Hey? Are you okay?¡± Carla waves in front of my face, it seems, ¡°Blue Lagoon, beauty.¡±


    ¡°Grazie,¡± I say.


    Tell us how you met. We all know that no one can win the heart of this cold stone. Karla and Renata tried too, but nothing worked.


    Mia looks at me curiously. I drink the cocktail through a straw, perhaps faster than necessary:


    ¡°It¡¯s simple. His mother introduced us.¡±


    ¡°Wow, it¡¯s not that easy to earn his mother¡¯s approval,¡± Mia tells me. It seems like I¡¯ve grown in their eyes now.


    ¡°Another cocktail?¡±


    ¡°Can I have one?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Of course,¡± Renata says, ¡°Leon¡¯s parents have a whole bar here. Plus, they own a distillery.¡±


    ¡°Wow,¡± I¡¯m surprised.


    ¡°By the way, Vico is the youngest here. How old are you?¡±


    ¡°Twenty-three.¡±


    They laugh.


    ¡°In that case, there are two of you,¡± Mia says.


    It turns out that everyone here is between twenty-seven and thirty.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, we¡¯re still young and don¡¯t worry about age. Excuse me, signores, I¡¯m going to step away. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m feeling very well. But I¡¯ll be back soon,¡± she continues.


    ¡°You¡¯re not very talkative,¡± Carla notes, ¡°Renata usually doesn¡¯t talk much either. Long Island?¡±


    ¡°I think that¡¯s enough for her,¡± a male voice sounds in my ear, ¡°right?¡±


    Vico¡¯s black hair tickles my cheek.


    ¡°Do you want to steal Christina from us?¡± Mia asks him, laughing. She just got back.


    ¡°I think that¡¯s too much for a first acquaintance. So I¡¯m taking her.¡±


    He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.


    ¡°Hey, what are you doing?¡± I¡¯m indignant.


    Everyone laughs. I try to hit him on the back a little, but he doesn¡¯t pay attention to me.


    ¡°It seems like our rock really fell in love,¡± I hear one of the guys.


    I feel very uncomfortable. But fortunately, it doesn¡¯t last long. Vico opens one of the doors and puts me down on the floor:


    ¡°Sorry. I think I overdid it a little. I want to read before bed. And you really shouldn¡¯t drink anymore. What if you say something unnecessary,¡± he justifies himself.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. I¡¯m a little tired, so you came just in time. But there¡¯s only one bed, what are we going to do?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I told you I wouldn¡¯t touch you. It¡¯s big. Let me help you change?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re such a shy girl,¡± Viko laughs. His bag is already on the nightstand. He takes out his T-shirt.


    ¡°Are you asking me to sleep in this?¡± I ask him.


    ¡°What, do you want to ruin your cute dress? The bathroom is over there,¡± he points to the side.


    I came back two minutes later. Luckily, Viko is broad-shouldered and long, so his T-shirt looks like a dress on me. He has already climbed into bed, and I can only see the upper part of his body in a tank top and his pumped-up arms.


    ¡°What are you standing there for? Come here,¡± he tells me.


    I come over and sit down on the bed. I put my phone on the nightstand. I need to fall asleep faster.


    ¡°Hey, wait!¡±


    Viko sits up abruptly on the bed.


    ¡°You¡¯re like a child, honestly! Turn your back.¡±


    I obediently sit down with my back to him. He touches my hair with his hands.


    ¡°Now don¡¯t move,¡± he warns.


    ¡°Oh, I would have gone to bed anyway,¡± I grumble discontentedly.


    ¡°Shut up already.¡±


    Vico carefully removes the pins from my hair, and they fall over my shoulders.


    ¡°This is the first time I¡¯ve done such strange things,¡± he comments, ¡°you have to take care of your hair. It¡¯s beautiful.¡±


    After all the pins are removed, he hands them to me and returns to his book.


    ¡°Tomorrow we will ask the girls for a hair tie and a comb. Mia will probably have something. She and Leon have almost settled here.¡±


    ¡°Okay, buona notte,¡± I say, and turn away from him. I need to sleep. Luckily, the dim light from the table lamp doesn¡¯t bother me at all.

 Part 4. Chapter 22.

    The day was cloudy, like the previous one. It started snowing. Viko and I are heading home.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t like it?¡± he asks, puzzled.


    ¡°No, no. I¡¯m feeling a little unwell. Sorry.¡±


    I continued to look out the window. We drove to my house in silence.


    ¡°Do you need help?¡± Viko looks worried.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. You can go. When you have a free day, call me. We need to go to the craft store for supplies.¡±


    ¡°No problem. Have a good rest.¡±


    I take the elevator to my fourth floor. An A4 sheet of paper is hanging sloppily on the door. Someone clearly did it in a hurry. ¡°C¡±.


    ¡°Well, here¡¯s another one. It¡¯s not a marker, is it? It¡¯s either a wax crayon or lipstick, judging by its texture?¡±


    Apparently, that¡¯s not all. I don¡¯t understand what all these signs mean, but surely someone wants to say something. Fatigue has finally overwhelmed me. I come home and go straight to bed.


    In the morning my mood is as disgusting as the day before. I don¡¯t know why and how to deal with it. And I couldn¡¯t think of anything better than to sit down to paint. I haven¡¯t done any serious creative work for two months. My flower today is in black, white and grey tones, which matches my mood quite well. And the woman in it has flowing hair, like Medusa Gorgon. And this time the petals are much larger than the woman herself. It looks hopeless and terrifying. I take a break. I need to go to the supermarket and buy myself some food. But then my phone rings. An unfamiliar number¡­ Although wait a minute, it¡¯s not that unfamiliar¡­ John? What does he want? I decided to ignore it. He calls again. And again.


    ¡°He¡¯s so persistent.¡±


    I leave the phone. Let me just not exist for him. I don¡¯t want to be treated condescendingly, called a fool, and then pestered with obscenities anymore. I¡¯m not a toy. Even though I¡¯m not his blood sister, and theoretically we could be together, I¡¯m a living person. I want to be respected too. But I¡¯m not sure he wants to respect me. In that case, it¡¯s better for us to be apart, even if I think about him so much.


    I come back, see five missed calls and one text message.


    ¡°Where are you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think this has anything to do with you.¡±


    I mark his number with a ¡°J¡±. I think that¡¯s enough to keep it from getting lost. I remember our last meeting a couple of years ago, and I feel ashamed of myself. It won¡¯t happen again. I need to call Vico to borrow his camera for a while.


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    ¡°You¡¯re just in time,¡± That Handsome Guy tells me, ¡°I was just about to call you myself. Are you home?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I answer, ¡°I wanted to ask you for your camera. We were talking about the video, weren¡¯t we¡­¡±


    ¡°Nero is coming to see you in an hour. Remember, he¡¯s one of the guys we went to see? You haven¡¯t talked much, but he knows his stuff. He¡¯s in PR, I¡¯ll pay him, and we¡¯ll settle up later. Deal?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, sure. Thank you so much, Vico!¡±


    ¡°No need. You¡¯re a talented girl, and you deserve my attention. I gave him your number. I still have things to do. I¡¯ll run. Bye.¡±


    ¡°Bye¡­¡±


    Wow. Was that a compliment?


    When I look at confident Vico, I want to be like him. Not so straightforward, but confident. That will be enough. Well, since Nero is coming soon, I need to finish the picture.


    JOHN.


    I¡¯m so angry. She¡¯s ignoring me. If Peter was telling the truth, she owes me an answer. Let


    her tell me she loves me. Is that so hard?! Do my feelings mean nothing to her?


    ¡°She doesn¡¯t know about them, idiot,¡± I tell myself.


    But my brain still protests. I¡¯m holding a bottle of whiskey. Kate hugs me:


    ¡°Honey, you look angry. Are you upset about something?¡±


    Kate is one of my students. She¡¯s a senior at the university. She¡¯s a beautiful and very sweet girl. Tall, slim. Actually, we should respect subordination. But she likes me. Besides, I don¡¯t explain the materials to her anymore. She just wanted to come sometimes, and I gave in. She probably hopes for something, but I can¡¯t give her anything except my body. My mind is in faraway Italy. I¡¯ve come to terms with it for two years, but now I¡¯m unbalanced again, as if I were not twenty-eight but had just turned eighteen. It irritates me, but I can¡¯t do anything about it.


    ¡°Sorry, it¡¯s not your fault,¡± I tell her.


    ¡°You called someone, and then your face changed.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll try to cope with my emotions,¡± I answer her.


    I took another big sip.


    ¡°Do you want to tell me something or will you save it for later?¡± Kate asks.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Okay, we¡¯ll talk later. Is it because of the girl?¡±


    I turn my head and look at her with tired eyes.


    ¡°Apparently so. Too bad... When I¡¯m psychologically ready, I¡¯ll leave myself, okay?¡± she asks.


    I knew that Kate was smart, but:


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I tell her.


    She takes the bottle from my hands and takes a sip too.


    ¡°Don¡¯t drink, you... you¡¯re too good for this,¡± I say to her.


    ¡°What difference does it make? Let¡¯s make love and forget about our problems at least for now.¡±


    She speaks intelligently, but her eyes betray sadness. Of course, she doesn¡¯t deserve this. I have to admit, I¡¯m an idiot. Kate moves to my side of the bed, and looking into my eyes, sits on my lap. She looks so pretty in the dim light of the lamp. We could be a perfect couple. With a sigh, I pull her close and kiss her, a long kiss.


    CHRISTINA.


    Nero explains clearly what and how to do it better. He says that he can help with the regularity of publication at first, that they should be ¡°tasty¡± for the viewer. He explains that for YouTube I can film the entire process, and TikTok is exclusively clip-based.


    ¡°Christina, you¡¯re starting to fit into the world of social networks. It seems like you¡¯ve really grown up,¡± I whisper to myself.


    ¡°Hey, are you here?¡± Nero waves his hand in front of my face.


    ¡°Oh, yeah¡­¡± I caught myself.


    ¡°Stop smiling blissfully. Wait, what do you have there? Oh, is that a new one?¡± He points to the painting.


    ¡°Yes. I was really sad. And I decided to express it.¡±


    ¡°Wonderful. Let¡¯s start with that.¡±

 Part 4. Chapter 23.

    CHRISTINA.


    Two weeks later.


    On Friday evening, Vico and I returned from his parents. I was teaching little Gabriella the basics of drawing. She liked it so much that Celeste asked me, and even offered to pay for the lessons. I politely refused the money, arguing that I needed art supplies. Therefore, she could give them to Vico, and we would go shopping together.


    ¡°Oh, you two are inseparable,¡± Celeste narrowed her eyes slyly.


    ¡°Mom!¡±


    ¡°Signora!¡±


    We were indignant in unison.


    ¡°Okay, okay, I give in!¡± She playfully raised her hands up, admitting her defeat.


    ¡°Your mother is something,¡± I say.


    ¡°Yes, sometimes she gives out something that you don¡¯t quite expect from her,¡± Vico answers.


    ¡°Will you help me lift it up?¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course,¡± he agrees.


    We¡¯re going up.


    ¡°You have a cozy little cave.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t call it that,¡± I protest.


    ¡°I want to and I will.¡± Vico¡¯s eyes are smiling, although he himself is not laughing.


    ¡°Where should I put it?¡±


    ¡°Leave it on the bed, I¡¯ll sort it out later.¡±


    ¡°As you say.¡±


    I¡¯m walking behind. After putting it down, he turns around abruptly, and I crash into him.


    ¡°I¡¯m falling, I¡¯m falling!¡± I try to throw one of the bags on the bed and balance with my free hand.


    ¡°You won¡¯t fall, don¡¯t be afraid.¡±


    Vico catches me. The bag from my other hand falls to the floor with a noise. The guy is wincing.


    ¡°Christina, you need to be more careful!¡± he says discontentedly.


    ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m just clumsy.¡±


    Well, he holds me in his arms for a few seconds, and we look at each other. But then he pulls away.


    ¡°It seems like you¡¯re no longer in any danger. So I¡¯ll go. I¡¯ll call you the day after tomorrow.¡±


    I wave after him, confused. It turned out really awkward. In any case, I need to unpack the groceries. I take out the plastic boxes I have already bought and start sorting the paints, brushes, spatulas and other gadgets into categories. I am like a fish in water when it comes to art. I sincerely love and admire it. And, although I am not very open towards people, I like it when they get emotions from my work. I need to finish a new painting. Since I started communicating with Vico, my inspiration has returned and my soul has become calmer. I don¡¯t know why. Maybe it¡¯s his vibe, but I like it.


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    ***


    The snow has melted, but it¡¯s cool. I¡¯ve gotten out of the habit of cities being immersed in a grey, damp fog in the mornings, which then settles on the roads, making them wet. But today is one of those days. I want to walk alone through the streets of Rome. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve done it even once since I moved here before Christmas. Coat, midi skirt, shoes with a button-up. I look like a teenager now, honestly.


    Yesterday I posted a new post, and it got a hundred likes. It seems that social networks are really the way out. New people are signing up and leaving me messages of support. It¡¯s incredible. Lost in thought, I walk along the cobbled streets of the old town, and at some point a passerby in a coat and hat pushes me.


    ¡°Ouch!¡± I say.


    I think I hurt myself a little. My nylon tights were spoiled, but it¡¯s not that important.


    He didn¡¯t even apologize, the rude guy. And what¡¯s that lying around? A small piece of paper, folded several times.


    ¡°Signor, aspetti!¡± I try to call out to him, but he¡¯s already disappeared. It must have fallen out of his pocket. I¡¯m going to throw it in the nearest trash can, but why is it clean and folded several times? I decide to unfold it, and oh my God, I throw it away in horror. Blood, there¡¯s blood on it, and the letter H. It seems that it really was addressed to me. I pick up the sheet of paper before passersby get close to me and run home as fast as I can. This is absolutely no good. I close the door tightly and start looking for where I put everything I already have. Snickers, a candle, the letters ¡°B,¡± ¡°C,¡± ¡°H,¡± and ¡°T.¡± This is some kind of rebus. I absolutely have to solve it. I move them from place to place, and in the end I get: ¡°B*I*TCH¡±


    ¡°Wait a minute, there¡¯s a letter with lipstick. LIPSTICK? Damn, that¡¯s my lipstick from college, the one I gave to Glenn that time!¡±


    Oh no!


    An Instagram message pops up on my phone. I open it:


    ¡°See you there, babe!


    P.S. Have you enjoyed the taste of Snickers yet?¡±


    It¡¯s nine in the morning. Maybe Vico is sleeping. His exams are over and he has a week of proper rest, but I can¡¯t do nothing. Sorry, man, but my life is more important to me than your sleep.


    ¡°Hello?¡±


    Wow, I think I¡¯m lucky, he sounds cheerful.


    ¡°Vico, I¡¯m sorry to bother you, but I need help. Urgently. Can you borrow your father¡¯s car?¡±


    ¡°What happened? Are you worried?¡±


    ¡°Please, hurry up! I¡¯ll tell you everything later. I think you need to see this.¡±


    ¡°Okay, okay, I¡¯ll ask now. I was going to the gym, but if it¡¯s urgent, wait for me, I¡¯ll be there soon.¡±


    I start packing my clothes. It¡¯s good that I don¡¯t have much. I left most of them in Scotland with Jack and Aela. It seemed impolite to me to use what other people bought for me, even if they did it with good intentions. Two suitcases. I disassembled the easel to make it more compact. However, I still don¡¯t know what to do with the boxes. Now I have a lot of materials, but I won¡¯t be able to take them with me. It turns out that Vico wasted his money. Never mind, I¡¯ll definitely return everything to him.


    In about forty minutes, Vico calls me:


    ¡°I¡¯m at your house. Should I get up?¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course,¡± I told him.


    I open the door and pull him by the hand. He is clearly stunned by my behavior.


    ¡°What happened? You are all disheveled, suitcases¡­¡± he looks worried.


    ¡°Sit here,¡± I point to the floor.


    ¡°What is this?¡± He raises an eyebrow and ruffles his beautiful black hair.


    I tried to tell him lamely that my college friend got jealous and started threatening me. Of course, I don¡¯t mention the embarrassing moment when Glenn and Linda bullied me. I just say that he stole the lipstick and that I recognized it by the shade. Vico listens patiently and then asks:


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me before?¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure,¡± I answer.


    ¡°What are you going to do now?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know. I¡¯ll probably go home.¡±


    ¡°To your family?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Do you want us to call the police?¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    ¡°But he¡¯s stalking you.¡±


    ¡°I have no proof.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± Vico points to the sheets of paper still lying on the floor. My phone lights up again. Vico takes it.


    ¡°Don¡¯t ask for help, bitch, or it will get worse!¡±


    ¡°And you were going to solve this yourself?¡± he asks angrily.


    ¡°He only started sending messages today.¡±


    Viko takes a screenshot.


    ¡°This will come in handy. Don¡¯t delete it under any circumstances. I¡¯ll call my mom now. Take your suitcases. I¡¯ll take the boxes myself and we¡¯ll go to the car. Are you sure you took everything?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I babbled.


    And we quickly leave this house. And I just dreamed of a quiet life away from problems¡­

 Part 4. Chapter 24.

    ¡°Take off your shoes, let¡¯s go. You¡¯ll stay in Gabriella¡¯s room until we decide what to do.¡±


    ¡°I want to go to Edinburgh.¡±


    Vico takes my suitcases and carries them to the room.


    ¡°I understand, but we can¡¯t do it today,¡± he objects, ¡°in a day or two, once we have the tickets. Mom, of course, will sort things out with the apartment where you lived, but do you at least know where you¡¯ll go when you arrive?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll rent a room in a hotel, and then I¡¯ll find a new place to live.¡±


    ¡°Is your conflict with your family that strong?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you don¡¯t know, I¡¯m from a small town. And I don¡¯t want to go there right away, so I¡¯ll spend the night in a hotel. I have a childhood friend. If I need something, I¡¯ll ask him for help.¡±


    ¡°A friend, but not your parents.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who my parents are,¡± I finally say sadly.


    I haven¡¯t been able to talk to anyone openly for a long time. Well, yes, Peter. But he has his own life, I can¡¯t bother him. And I would never dare say anything to John. We don¡¯t have such a good relationship. Besides, I love him, but I don¡¯t really know anything about him. Would such an arrogant person listen to how I feel? Yes, he showed attention to me. And I even liked it, but he did it for himself, not for me. He just wanted to laugh at me.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Vico breaks me out of my depressive thoughts, ¡°I¡¯m sorry I asked you about this.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s fine. I grew up in a foster family. And they treated me well, but everything changed when I overheard my grandmother talking to her grandson. We had a complicated relationship.¡±


    The whole family knew about it, but they didn¡¯t tell me. At first it was offensive, then I rethought it and realized that I can¡¯t abuse their feelings and finances if I have no connection to this family except for the documented connection. I would like to pay them back. I don¡¯t think that until then things will get better for me, even if they don¡¯t think so.


    Vico listens attentively.


    ¡°You say grandmother and grandson... Do you mean brother on paper?¡±


    ¡°Yes, but for me he is something more. By saying that he is my brother, I create a barrier and forbid myself to feel anything for him. Although we do not have common blood, I cannot say that society will like it. But I cannot refuse John either, although he is a rather complex and closed person. I cannot be sure that I have any significance for him.¡±


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    ¡°Listen,¡± Viko takes me by the chin and looks with his dark eyes into mine, without taking his eyes off, ¡°you reason very maturely for your age, although outwardly you look very fragile and defenseless. I like your principles. And I am sure that you will succeed. But you need to come to an agreement with yourself. Thank you for sharing with me, I appreciate it. We have not communicated for long, but I am starting to like you. And as a woman too. No, I didn¡¯t fall in love, but you touched something in me. You can be proud of yourself. No one has ever managed to do that before.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I say, embarrassed.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me. I¡¯ll just be your friend, and you can always turn to us if you ever come again. And I¡¯m sure it will happen. It will definitely happen.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Vico.¡±


    ¡°Well, don¡¯t cry, don¡¯t cry...¡±


    We are sitting on the floor in his room. He hugs me and tries to calm me down. But the tears are in no hurry to stop.


    In the evening, we gathered for our last dinner together. Gabriella is silent and dejectedly pokes her food with a fork.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be upset,¡± Celeste tells her, ¡°You will continue to communicate, but at a distance. Christina needs to go to her family in Scotland.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I¡¯m sitting next to her and stroking her head, ¡°we will definitely see each other soon.¡±


    ¡°You will come back, right?¡±


    ¡°Of course, I will come back someday. But I don¡¯t know when that will be, so we will contact each other by video and continue your lessons.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Gabriella says capriciously.


    After dinner, I don¡¯t linger and go to rest. Little Gabriella follows my example. She is so cute. I close my eyes but can¡¯t fall asleep and just toss and turn in bed. After an hour or maybe two, I finally fall asleep.


    JOHN.


    Kate left yesterday, and now I¡¯m alone in my apartment again, able to reflect on myself and my bachelor life. Perhaps being alone isn¡¯t so bad¡­ sometimes. A message from an unknown number on Whatsapp. Who could it be? I open it out of curiosity. There¡¯s a photo of Christina. But it was clearly taken by someone from across the street.


    ¡°Maybe she asked someone? But she looks too natural. Oh, John, why do you care? You haven¡¯t seen her for a long time, just admire her,¡± I say to myself.


    After a while, another message. When I open it, there¡¯s a link to her Instagram profile. There are only a few posts, and they are recent. So she created it recently. She seems to be doing well there without me.


    Maybe I should fly to Rome and find her? Why did Peter say she was coming soon? It doesn¡¯t look like she¡¯s going. She¡¯s doing well there.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll think about it tomorrow.¡±


    I take a sip of whiskey and put the bottle back in the fridge. Time for bed.


    CHRISTINA.


    ¡°Signora, thank you for everything. And thank you for helping me now. You can send my boxes later by delivery. I¡¯ll let you know when I¡¯m settled, so it has somewhere to deliver. I¡¯m glad I met you all and spent some time here.¡±


    ¡°Write when you land, so we don¡¯t worry,¡± Celeste hugs me and secretly tries to wipe away a stingy tear.


    ¡°I¡¯ll definitely let you know, don¡¯t worry,¡± I say.


    ¡°It¡¯s time to go, otherwise we¡¯ll be late,¡± Vico volunteered to walk me to the airport, and now he¡¯s waiting for Celeste and I to finally say goodbye.


    He takes one of my suitcases and goes to the elevator. I follow him and at the same time wave to Celeste, and she waves to me.

 Part 4. Chapter 25.

    CHRISTINA.


    The airport is crowded, as always. Lots of light. Vico holds my hand.


    ¡°You¡¯re too small, you¡¯ll get lost,¡± he jokes.


    ¡°You¡¯re too worried about me. I¡¯m not five,¡± I object.


    ¡°Not five,¡± he agrees, ¡°but that didn¡¯t stop you from getting into trouble.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be more careful in the future,¡± I promise.


    ¡°You try.¡±


    We can¡¯t go any further together, and Vico says goodbye to me.


    ¡°You deserve better,¡± he says, hugging me, ¡°take care of yourself.¡±


    ¡°Oh, come on¡­¡±


    Nevertheless, I don¡¯t resist and hug him too. We stand like that for a while. I feel very comfortable in his arms. Appearances can be deceiving. In fact, Vico is kind inside, but he doesn¡¯t let people get close. And his straightforwardness adds to his sense of arrogance and coldness towards people. But he has a good, happy family. They will always support him. It is priceless.


    ¡°Time¡­¡± Vico reminds.


    ¡°Yes, yes, I¡¯m already on my way.¡±


    I walk forward, turn around and wave my hand to him, and he to me. The last minutes, three hours of flight, and I¡¯m home. Although, is this home? Edinburgh is almost unknown to me.


    ¡°You can handle it,¡± I convince myself.


    JOHN.


    Classes are over. Today a guy with glasses came to see me, a typical nerd, meticulously asking me to repeat every point. I had to explain it to him several times. I don¡¯t like people like him too much, but I have to do my job well. Sharing knowledge is not a pity, especially when it helps someone. And when it brings you income, it¡¯s doubly good. Tomorrow two more will come to see me. A brother and sister. High school students. I like these two much more. They are always polite, moderately curious and carefully take notes on my explanations. I also have an online meeting with a student. Life goes on as usual. So I can afford to rest. I¡¯m lying on the bed and playing the console when I receive a message from the same number as yesterday. I open it. I¡¯m curious what¡¯s there this time.


    ¡°Oh my¡­¡± I can¡¯t hold back an exclamation.


    Christina and some nice tall guy are walking with suitcases, holding hands. I call her all the bad names, but not out loud. I¡¯m angry, really angry. I hate her and myself at this moment.


    ¡°She should be yours John. Why is she with someone else? And where are they going, although what difference does it make?! As if your anger will change anything... You¡¯ve already lost her because you only wanted to get her, but did nothing for it,¡± I tell myself.


    I need to at least find out how she¡¯s doing. I write a neutral message in direct. Someday she¡¯ll read it anyway, and I¡¯ll find out about it, oh, the almighty social networks.


    I need to freshen up and calm down, I¡¯m too worked up. Soon it will be evening, and it will start to get dark. I want to watch a movie in the evening, and relax with a bottle of whiskey, of which there is very little left. This is the only thing that helps me fall asleep if she is not around.


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    CHRISTINA.


    ¡°Fasten your seat belts, the plane is about to land.¡±


    The passengers perk up, and so do I. Two years ago, I flew on a plane for the first time, just from Edinburgh to Rome. I was afraid the whole time, either clinging to the table or holding the window closed so as not to see how quickly we would fall down. Now I laugh at myself. It¡¯s not scary at all, and even fun.


    The plane lands. The pilot says goodbye to the passengers over the radio. We get off. And go wait for the luggage. This is my least favorite moment. Half an hour later, I can finally leave the airport and carry my two suitcases. The cold air hits my face. It¡¯s windy. Luckily, there is no snow. A blizzard is not at all what I would like to see and feel now. The hotel room is already booked, I took care of that yesterday. Now I just need to call a taxi and get there. Then I can get some sleep and decide what to do next. I have some money left, I¡¯ll probably ask Peter to help, but I¡¯m not sure about it yet.


    JOHN.


    An hour later, I¡¯m back home. I¡¯m relatively calm. A refreshing breeze and a cup of coffee from the nearest pastry shop around the corner brought me to my senses. No, I probably shouldn¡¯t drink today. My life is too boring, it¡¯s time to change something in it. When my grandmother invested in my education, she hardly thought that I would come to this. We had conflicts, but she believed in me. And my father and mother worked to provide for Christina and me. They almost never even took vacations. They expected us to grow up to be smart and successful people, but it seems that I failed. A screen behind which there is nothing.


    Another message from a stranger. I decide to ignore it, but something catches my attention.


    ¡°Watch carefully what¡¯s about to happen to this cutie.¡±


    What the hell? A video file. Should I open it? They probably want to piss me off again. Before opening it, I write:


    ¡°Who are you and what do you want from me?¡±


    ¡°Hello, my love. Have you seen the video yet? It¡¯s so sweet, right? I could have done it with you, but Glenn and I decided it would be much more painful for you, if we choose this way. And Glenn was able to take revenge on your ¡°sister¡± for turning him down. It¡¯s a shame we couldn¡¯t finish it. But you will be responsible for the rest of your lives for choosing each other. Goodbye... Now I will live happily with my girlfriend, and I don¡¯t need you anymore.¡±


    Anxiety fills me. What is this? I think it¡¯s Edinburgh Airport! Shit, did she come back and not tell me anything? Although, why should she? Who am I to her?


    The woman seems to be waiting for something. She keeps looking around. There are two suitcases next to her.


    ¡°Wait a minute, that¡¯s a dash cam recording,¡± I guess.


    Finally, she waves to someone and is about to cross the road. The car accelerates, and the woman gets closer. I¡¯m starting to guess what¡¯s going on.


    ¡°Hey, hey, don¡¯t go any further! Come back!¡± I don¡¯t even notice that I¡¯m expressing my emotions out loud.


    The distance between the girl and the car is rapidly decreasing. She turns her head and tries to move away, but the suitcases are making it difficult for her to maneuver. The car flies and crashes right into her. The suitcases fly in different directions, and she flies away and falls, just like in the movies. I jump up.


    ¡°Oh, my God, my God!!!¡±


    I start to mechanically search for my jacket. I have to get there as fast as possible. But it seems that¡¯s not the end of the video. She doesn¡¯t get up. The car drives back and accelerates again, it seems they want to finish her off.


    ¡°Nooo! Those bastards! My poor girl!¡±


    The car approaches again, but then people who ran to help stand in front of it. Luckily, the car brakes sharply, turns around and drives away. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I jump up, pull on my shoes, grab the phone, run downstairs and get behind the wheel.


    It seems I forgot to close the door, but what does it matter now? On the way, I dial Jack.


    ¡°Good to hear from you, son,¡± the voice on the phone answers.


    ¡°Father, father,¡± I almost screamed, ¡°come here urgently.¡±


    ¡°Inhale - exhale. Count to five¡­¡± I wish he wasn¡¯t so positive right now.


    ¡±Leave it all! Christina was hit by a car at the airport. I¡¯m on my way there. I¡¯ll look for the hospital she was taken to.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?! When did this happen?¡±


    ¡°Probably very recently. Some crazy people sent me a video.¡±


    ¡°Aela and I will be there as fast as we can. Have you called the police yet?¡±


    ¡°No, but I know who did it, and we can always catch them. Now is not the time. We need to take care of our girl.¡±


    ¡°Stay in touch, son... Why did this happen to us?¡± I hear before he disconnects.


    Really, why? There is no limit to the anger of people, and they will answer for this to us and her

 Part 4. Chapter 26.

    CHRISTINA.


    The car is approaching me at an inappropriate speed. I understand that I probably won¡¯t have time to jump away, but it¡¯s worth trying. The suitcases are big and unwieldy, but is it worth thinking about now? I probably love clothes more than myself. I¡¯m frantically trying to push one of them forward, but the car is already close. I only have time to look, but I don¡¯t see the driver, the headlights are too bright. Everything happens like in a movie. The car crashes into me at full speed, first I fall with my nose on the hood, and then I fly, fly, and a sharp pain pierces me¡­ I try to get up, but I can¡¯t, my legs don¡¯t obey me. The car drives away, and accelerates again. It seems to be intentional.


    ¡°Could it really be those two again?¡± I think tiredly.


    A young woman runs up to me and shouts something. But I can¡¯t answer anything. I don¡¯t feel anything anymore.


    JOHN.


    The ambulance has already left, the police too. Some people are still standing there. I run up to them.


    ¡°Excuse me, may I ask what happened to the girl who was here?¡±


    A woman answers me:


    ¡°Oh, so a car hit her, they took her away in an ambulance.¡±


    ¡°Do you know where? Wait, those are her suitcases, aren¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°Yes, it is.¡±


    ¡°Give them to me, I¡¯ll take them, but where can I find out where they sent her?¡±


    ¡°Ask the airport workers.¡±


    ¡°Of course. Thank you,¡± I say. I take the suitcases and am about to throw them in the car.


    ¡°Hey, who are you to her?¡± a man calls out to me.


    ¡°We were supposed to get married soon¡­¡±


    And why did I say that?


    ¡°Then write down the car¡¯s license plate somewhere, I remembered them. And I gave them to the police.¡±


    ¡°Thank you very much, I am very grateful!¡± I say and write down his information on my phone.


    I ran inside the building. There are two hospitals nearby where they could have taken her. At least that¡¯s what the staff told me. I¡¯ll have to call both. Right now I can¡¯t let my emotions get the better of me, otherwise I won¡¯t be able to be near her. I need to stay focused for as long as possible.


    ¡°Hello. Have you had Christina Vinnes? The girl in the car accident. No? Have a nice day!¡± Okay, next.


    This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    ¡°Hello! Christina Vinnes? We don¡¯t have that.¡±


    ¡°Did you look carefully?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, sure.¡±


    ¡°Hey, Dad!¡±


    ¡°Son, we¡¯re on our way. Did you find her?¡±


    ¡°No. They said probably the two closest ones, but they¡¯re not there. I¡¯ll call all the hospitals in the area.¡±


    Two more. But she hasn¡¯t been admitted there either. I stop the car. I¡¯m starting to panic again, and I can¡¯t let that happen. My father calls me again.


    ¡°Son, I found her, I¡¯m sending her the address. But she¡¯s in surgery now.¡±


    ¡°Never mind, send it to me soon.¡±


    I¡¯m flying faster than the wind. I¡¯ll probably get a speeding ticket later, but that doesn¡¯t matter right now. I ran into the hospital and inquired about her condition.


    ¡°You can wait near the operating room, but I think it will take a long time¡± they tell me at the registration desk.


    ¡°What the hell difference does it make?!¡± I curse to myself and run there faster.


    The doctor doesn¡¯t come out for a long time, and I start to worry a lot. I don¡¯t keep track of the time, but Jack and Aela have already joined me. They are also seriously worried. The doctor comes out after some time.


    ¡°Tell me what¡¯s wrong with my daughter, she¡¯s okay, right?!¡±


    I¡¯ve never seen Jack like this. Although I probably don¡¯t look any better now.


    ¡°A broken leg, we removed the bone fragments. Also, a bruised spine. She¡¯s unconscious now, I think the pain shock played a role. When she comes, you¡¯ll be notified.¡±


    ¡°But she¡¯ll be okay, right?¡± I ask.


    ¡°I think so. She¡¯ll stay in the hospital for a while.¡±


    ¡°Doctor, do everything you can!¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll definitely do everything we can,¡± he assures.


    The doctor leaves us, and we¡¯re left alone with our thoughts and worries.


    ¡°Boys, I understand that you¡¯re very upset, but you probably haven¡¯t even eaten much today. You need to have something to eat and drink some coffee, you look like ghosts. And don¡¯t even dare argue. Follow me!¡±


    She tries to cheer us up, although it¡¯s obvious that she¡¯s worried, too. She doesn¡¯t know how to hide her emotions.


    THREE DAYS LATER.


    My apartment is a little cramped now. Of course, there are three of us. I gave up my huge bed to my father and stepmother (that¡¯s what the papers say, right?), and moved to the couch in the living room. Aela didn¡¯t even cook these days. And neither did I. We just ordered something to keep up our strength and waited for them to tell us something, but nothing was changing. The ringing of the phone interrupted our already unhealthily light sleep.


    ¡°Christina has come to her senses. Let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m driving,¡± we¡¯ll take turns on duty anyway, ¡°one car is enough for us, right, father?¡± I say as we go.


    We¡¯re racing at full speed. It¡¯s still dark in the ward, the soft light is on, the blinds are closed. Christina is pale as death. There¡¯s a big bruise on her arm. My heart boils with anger at the sight of her. How dare these idiots mock my girl like that? She¡¯s dozing, but it seems shallow. We whisper something to each other. The nurse leaves, leaving us alone.


    ¡°Calm down, John, the police are already looking for them.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m thirsty,¡± a barely audible voice comes from the bed. We turn our heads at the same time.


    ¡°Hey, hey, how are you?!¡±


    ¡°Be quiet, can¡¯t you see?¡± Aela is the most reasonable one this time.


    Christina winces, but she can¡¯t get up. And she gives up trying.


    ¡°No, the doctor said it takes time to recover. Don¡¯t strain yourself and don¡¯t rush,¡± Aela hands her some water, ¡°stop standing there like idols and staring at her, she just woke up. Let the person rest.¡±


    She irritates me with her words, but she¡¯s right.


    ¡°Go, I¡¯ll stay with her,¡± I tell them and sit down on the couch nearby.


    The ward is for two, but Chris is alone in it now. There are all the amenities, and most importantly, one of us was allowed to look after the patient, because she won¡¯t be able to get up for a while. They inserted a plate, as far as I understood from the doctor¡¯s conversation. Jack and Aela exchange glances, nod encouragingly at me and leave me alone with Chris and my heavy thoughts.


    ¡°How did we get to this?¡± I ask her in my head, ¡°Why didn¡¯t I tell you about my feelings earlier? Maybe I could have protected you and today wouldn¡¯t have been so terrible for you.¡±

 Part 4. Chapter 27.

    CHRISTINA.


    When I open my eyes, I don¡¯t quite understand where I am. But then I remember that I¡¯m in a hospital. It¡¯s just as painful to move, almost impossible. Some time ago, it seemed to me that Jack and Aela were standing here. And John, too, but I must have imagined it. It¡¯s dark.


    ¡°It must be night now,¡± I guess.


    I look around the room. I feel weak, I need to sleep some more. My hand involuntarily clenches, and I realize that I¡¯m holding someone¡¯s hand. Then I find the strength to lift my head.


    ¡°Oh no! So I didn¡¯t imagine it, they really came.¡±


    John is sleeping next to me on a chair, his head on the bed. And my hand is squeezing his hand. It happened by accident, most likely. I must have dreamed something, but what? I don¡¯t want to disturb him. I feel so ashamed, I let everyone down again. I want to touch his hair and stroke his head. And breathe in that scent again that was in the old sweater I once stole from him.


    ¡°I wonder if John was looking for it. But does it matter now? Why did you leave if when you come back you think about him again? You¡¯re disgusting!¡± I tell myself.


    My hand squeezes a little tighter. I wish I hadn¡¯t. John throws his head up.


    ¡°Oh no!¡± he scolds himself and turns his head, wincing. It seems his neck has gone numb. At some point our gazes meet, and time stops. I¡¯ve missed those brown eyes with their barely noticeable almond shape. Probably no one has noticed it before. But he doesn¡¯t represent the same values to others as he does to me¡­


    ¡°You¡¯re a real fool!¡± he blurts out, and that moment of intimacy in our gazes is interrupted. He hasn¡¯t changed a bit.


    ¡°Be quiet for once,¡± I answer him quietly.


    ¡°Or what?¡± he asks impudently.


    I try to catch him, but I can¡¯t sit down, and he gets up, moves to a safe distance and continues to look at me carefully.


    ¡°Hey, that¡¯s not fair!¡± I protest.


    I¡¯ve already gotten used to the semi-darkness. His eyes are laughing, and a devilish smile appears on his thin lips. I¡¯m disarmed.


    ¡°I never said it would be fair.¡±


    I smile helplessly.


    ¡°Tell me, why can¡¯t I get up? Is it because I¡¯m too weak?¡±


    He suddenly becomes serious.


    ¡°Don¡¯t try. You need rest. In addition to a broken leg, you have a bruised spine. And maybe you can tell me who Glenn is?¡±


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    JOHN.


    Christina looks away.


    ¡°It¡¯s him, right?¡± she asks tiredly.


    It seems like this guy really got on her nerves.


    ¡°Okay,¡± I back off, ¡°you can tell me when you¡¯re ready. But keep in mind that the police are looking for him and my ex girlfriend right now. So your words could be very helpful.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you a description of him, and if you find his sister, she can help, I think. We went to college. You¡¯re probably tired. Go and rest. I can handle it. Just give me the phone, please.¡±


    I examine her carefully.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll go. If you need anything, call the nurse. Jack and Eila will come to see you tomorrow.¡±


    Christina nods slightly. I go out and quietly close the door behind me. Now that she¡¯s safe, I need to get some proper rest.


    ***


    Jack and Aela have left. Christina is still in the hospital, but I visit her regularly. She needs to get used to me. It seems she has become bolder in communication. And I like it.


    I need to finally unpack her suitcases. The Italians she stayed with have already sent her art supplies. All that remains is to wait, and I will prepare her work area. I go to the wardrobe, I have a couple of free shelves. Just enough for Christina. I open it. There are neatly folded skirts and dresses.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never rummaged through other people¡¯s things. There¡¯s a first time for everything. Who would have thought that you would ever do this?¡±


    A small cosmetic bag is also here. We¡¯ll put it separately. Or better yet, I¡¯ll leave it on the table in the kitchen. Now that the dresses are on hangers, it¡¯s time to start on the second suitcase. When I open it, there are blouses and tops, and also trousers.


    ¡°Has Chris lost weight or something? The size she wears is too small. She should eat well. I clearly have something to do in the near future. Oh, what do we have here?¡±


    There¡¯s a plastic bag at the bottom of the suitcase, and something in it. Should I look at it or just put it on the shelf? The temptation is strong, but I still decide that it doesn¡¯t concern me. However, when I put the bag down, it slips out of my hands and falls to the floor. I pick it up, but it¡¯s slightly open, and something familiar in color is sticking out. I opened it completely.


    ¡°What is this? My sweater? And I¡¯ve been looking for it for so long. And why does she need it?¡±


    I think she should tell me herself. Perhaps I¡¯ll take it for myself. After all, it is my clothes. I wonder if she wore it? Of course, most likely. This thought warms my soul. I hug the sweater to myself. I¡¯m getting too sentimental.


    ***


    ¡°Chris, clothes. I brought you some.¡±


    ¡°Oh, where are we going next?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t ask questions. Just get dressed. I¡¯ll help if you need it.¡±


    She blushes deeply.


    ¡°No need. I¡¯ll do it myself,¡± she mutters, ¡°turn away.¡±


    ¡°Oh, come on, what didn¡¯t I see there?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t answer and just looks at me expectantly. What a brat!


    ¡°Okay, okay, already,¡± I reluctantly turned away.


    ¡°Don¡¯t peek!¡±


    ¡°Well, actually, I wasn¡¯t trying. I¡¯m an honest person,¡± I tell her mockingly.


    Two minutes later I ask:


    ¡°Are you done? It¡¯s been taking a while.¡±


    ¡°Almost,¡± she answers.


    ¡°Hey, are you sure you don¡¯t need help?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she says, ¡°pass me the coat.¡±


    I turn around and start laughing.


    ¡°What?!¡± She blushes again.


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand your shyness.¡± And, leaning towards her, I add:


    ¡°And two years ago, you weren¡¯t at all shy about moaning in my ear with your sweet voice. Maybe I should get you drunk one more time¡­¡±


    And then I get a slap. It was unexpected and... painful.


    ¡°Shut your mouth!¡±


    Okay, I¡¯ll deal with her at home. Now we need to move to a safe distance.


    ¡°Actually, I wanted to help you put on your skirt, since you couldn¡¯t do it yourself. But if you don¡¯t want to, suffer on your own!¡± I say, offended.


    I watch her fail, her leg still in a cast.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± she says, embarrassed, ¡°it was an accident. Your words got me mad. My hand acted on its own... Please¡­¡±


    That¡¯s better. I go over and help her up and get dressed. Crutches are her friends for the next month. Chris uses them awkwardly. I helped her down and into the car. This is the time to turn this page of our lives.

 Part 4. Chapter 28.

    It¡¯s so awful that I gave John a resounding slap. Now he will probably never forgive me. But I¡¯m not ready to listen to such frank things yet. Even if I care about a person, it doesn¡¯t give him the right to talk to me from above. Of course, I have to apologize, although I don¡¯t really want to. Now I¡¯ll have to ask him for help all the time. And why don¡¯t they send me home? Better Aela than John. Although I don¡¯t want to bother anyone. Well, I don¡¯t have a choice. My leg is terribly heavy. I¡¯m learning to use crutches, and it¡¯s completely inconvenient. I wish I could get better sooner and live alone again to my heart¡¯s content. Since I came to Edinburgh, I¡¯ll definitely find a job in a gallery here. And my English is fine, I don¡¯t have to pick my words, like I did with Italian.


    ¡°Hey,¡± John calls out to me, ¡°get in the car, I¡¯ll help.¡±


    ¡°Let me do it myself.¡±


    ¡°This is no time to be stubborn, Christina,¡± he says, looking at me intently.


    Sitting in the backseat of the car, I look in the mirror and see his face focused on the road. Focusing on something suits him. I missed him so much¡­


    ¡°Hey, Christina, stop fantasizing!¡± I pull myself up.


    ¡°Do you like looking at me?¡± he asks mockingly.


    I look away.


    ¡°No, no, nothing like that...¡±


    He is clearly pleased.


    ¡°You¡¯re not very good at lying.¡±


    A few minutes later we pulled up to some apartment building. John stoped.


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s slowly get to the elevator.¡±


    He holds out his hand to me. I grab it.


    Soft and warm... I wish he would stroke me with it. Now, Christina, don¡¯t be a wimp, control yourself.


    As soon as the door closes, I start to feel uncomfortable. John seems to be a neat freak. But I¡¯ve always had a creative mess, although Eugene¡¯s grandmother tried to make me keep my room clean. But I didn¡¯t learn that lesson well. I sit down on the ottoman in the hallway with John¡¯s help.


    ¡°Let me help you take off your shoes. Don¡¯t mind, you can¡¯t do it yourself.¡±


    He squats down and helps, and then looks at me again as if he¡¯s waiting for something. Then he takes me to the living room and sits me down on the sofa.


    ¡°Wait for me a minute.¡±


    JOHN.


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    ¡°You don¡¯t have anything to tell me?¡±


    ¡°Ouch!¡±


    I raise an eyebrow.


    ¡°You were going through my things?!¡± she asks indignantly.


    ¡°Well, actually, I laid it all out. You¡¯re not here for just one day. I even gave you a work area, in case you hadn¡¯t noticed,¡± I say irritably.


    Her face becomes suspiciously calm.


    ¡°You could have warned me, but thank you for taking care of me.¡±


    No, no, honey, you can¡¯t get away with it.


    I lean towards her and say quietly and drawlingly:


    ¡°But this is my sweater. You¡¯ve had it for so many years. It¡¯s not an accident, right? Even if you deny it, I won¡¯t believe you.¡±


    Chris¡¯s face is still calm, but her eyes are panicked. She¡¯s probably thinking of an answer. I smile charmingly.


    ¡°Now I won¡¯t take my eyes off you. I will always follow you wherever you go. Consider me your personal stalker. No matter how you feel about me, you will have to agree with this. You will not cope without my help anyway. But you will tell me eventually how my thing ended up in your suitcase, and even separately from the rest in a bag. I am very curious to hear your version. Doesn¡¯t mean that I will believe it, because you will definitely try to come up with something plausible. But this is your attempt to open up.¡±


    She says nothing and only nods.


    CHRISTINA.


    This is a failure. When I see that he is wearing this sweater, I try to look unperturbed. But, God, how it suits his athletic figure. It will be difficult to avoid answering this question now. I need to think of something quickly. But nothing comes to mind. Besides, every time he is this close, I start to go crazy. When he finishes his monologue, I do not answer. My mind is filled with completely different thoughts. I need to get well soon. John leaves me alone and goes to the nearest pastry shop. He thinks that I have become too thin.


    ¡°Hello, Celeste?¡±


    ¡°Oh, Christina, I am so glad! How are you feeling?!¡± an excited voice comes from the phone.


    ¡°You already know, right?¡±


    ¡°Of course, your family called about your remaining things. We sent them, have you received them yet?¡±


    ¡°Yes, thank you, signora. I am fine. Only my leg is broken.¡±


    ¡°What a horror. Get well soon. I hope whoever did this will be held accountable under the law.¡±


    ¡°Sure, don¡¯t worry about it. Tell the little one that her lessons will resume in about three weeks. And say hi to everyone from me.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Don¡¯t get lost again. We were so worried until your parents called us.¡±


    ¡°Bye.¡±


    Well, that¡¯s one thing sorted out. Now I can look around. John¡¯s apartment is bright and minimalist. I like it here. I make my way to the bedroom. The bed is big. I notice something in a frame on the nightstand. I came closer. There¡¯s a childhood photo from Christmas. I was photographed once, even though my grandmother was against it. However, I notice that John is standing behind me. Back then, with that ridiculous curly hair that my grandmother tried so hard to curl, even when he grew up. I smile, and he sticks out his tongue surreptitiously. Nothing has changed. I¡¯m twenty-three, and he¡¯s twenty-eight, and he¡¯s still just as much of a bully. But I love him even like this.


    ¡°I bought donuts with different fillings. Let¡¯s go eat. Oh¡­¡± He comes over and takes the photo.


    ¡°I have my secrets too.¡±


    The evening has come too quickly. It¡¯s time to go to bed. I pull on my pajamas while sitting on the bed, but I can¡¯t put on my shorts. My leg won¡¯t let me.


    ¡°Let me help you.¡±


    John just got out of the shower. He¡¯s wearing pajama bottoms, but no shirt. Did he forget or is he teasing me?


    I try not to look at him. His torso looks too tempting, and when he leans toward me, it takes my breath away. He squats down, lifts my leg, and pulls my shorts on.


    ¡°Now get up and pull them all the way up. Like this.¡±


    He smells so good. I¡¯m probably going to go crazy. I can¡¯t show it.


    ¡°I want to sleep,¡± I start whining.


    He lays me down and carefully covers me with a blanket. And he does it so gently and carefully. It seems like a new side of him opens up for me.

 Part 4. Chapter 29.

    JOHN.


    ¡°Patience, just a little more patience,¡± I tell myself.


    This is not good at all. I want her so much now. But not this time.


    ¡°I¡¯ll wait until you fall asleep and then I¡¯ll go to the living room.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she replies.


    Christina falls asleep quickly. She¡¯s probably very tired, because she hasn¡¯t recovered yet. I go out to the kitchen and close the door behind me. When I¡¯m too excited or nervous, I smoke. This doesn¡¯t always happen. I refuse from time to time, but at other times it calms me down and I come back again. Christina probably won¡¯t like it. It¡¯s okay, I won¡¯t have to do it soon. She won¡¯t refuse me, right? I finish blowing out smoke. There was some gum somewhere. I need to get rid of the smell. Having finished, I go to the couch. I need to try to sleep. And it¡¯s difficult, the night is going to be long.


    After a while, I finally fell asleep, but not for long.


    ¡°No, nooo,¡± I hear a quiet muttering, ¡°don¡¯t¡­¡±


    I jump up and tiptoe to her, trying not to wake her.


    ¡°Please, Glenn... I... I¡­¡±


    ¡°Quiet, quiet, baby, wake up!¡±


    I immediately climb onto the bed and carefully try to wake Chris. It looks like she¡¯s having a nightmare. I put one hand under her head and reach for the bedside lamp with the other. The soft, muted light falls on her face. She¡¯s crying? What did that idiot do to her?!


    I¡¯m here,¡± I wipe the tears from her face onto the pillow.


    She opens her eyes and tries to pull away from me.


    ¡°Did you have a nightmare?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Everything¡¯s fine,¡± she tries to lie.


    ¡°What did that bastard do to you?!¡± I¡¯m about to burst out in anger, but I have to control myself.


    ¡°Leave me alone, please. Everything¡¯s really fine¡­¡±


    ¡°But if everything¡¯s fine, then why are you crying?! Did you have something with him?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she says, but she looks away.


    ¡°When they find him, I¡¯ll break his nose, or worse!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t do it, please. Just leave it,¡± she says.


    Why is she protecting him? Does she like him? Now I¡¯m going to lose it and scream like crazy. I probably look scary because she¡¯s trying to turn away and close herself off from me, but her leg is in the way.


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°Now,¡± I decide and kiss her sharply. Of course, I should have been more gentle, but I can¡¯t right now.


    CHRISTINA.


    He must not know how Glenn abused me. I can live through it myself. Yes, I love John, I love him with all my heart, but who is he to know about my problems? I clearly angered him with my answers. But I do not want to apologize for it. There was no need to meddle in my personal space.


    Suddenly he leans towards me, and our lips touch. Then he roughly sticks his tongue into my mouth, but I do not resist. It is as if my dream came true. Here he is not just somewhere nearby. I do not need to watch him from the side. I do not need to be upset or jealous of him. I close my eyes and surrender to the power of his skillful lips and arms hugging me. After a while, he pulls away.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡±


    No trace of anger remained on his face. Only calm. What changes? Did he just use me to shut me up?! It¡¯s so vulgar.


    ¡°Go away, I don¡¯t want to see you,¡± I say quietly. And he really does leave me alone without any objections.


    You don¡¯t deserve my suffering, nor my tears. From now on, I will treat you accordingly. I turn off the light and, covering my head with the blanket, fall asleep, with monotonous thoughts of the kiss that I replay over and over again.


    There are no windows in the bedroom, so I can¡¯t tell what time of day it is. I feel a little tired, although I definitely slept some. My crutches are nearby. I get up and slowly move to the bathroom. I need to wash my face. I turn on the cold water. It refreshes my face. I pat it dry with a terry towel. I look in the oval mirror. It seems my face has stretched out a little and has become yellowish. It lacked sun and fresh air. I hobble into the kitchen. There is a plate covering the toasts.


    ¡°Jam in the fridge,¡± the note says.


    I take out the apricot jam. The teapot is barely warm, apparently John left recently. I warm it up. I pour fragrant tea with mint from the teapot. I look out the window. There are two potted flowers on the windowsill. They look fresh. Apparently John takes care of them. I hear an SMS arrive on my phone. But I¡¯m in no hurry to go and check what¡¯s there. I don¡¯t want to get up now. Having finished breakfast, I head to the hallway to put on my coat. I want to go out onto the balcony. The crutch falls.


    ¡°Ugh, how awkward! Clumsy!¡± I scolded myself.


    Bending over is very awkward. I plop down on the ottoman and somehow manage. Yes, this is not how I imagined my life at twenty-three. Okay, this is a stupid idea. I¡¯ll better go check my drawing supplies. I hope nothing got lost along the way.


    After sitting for a while, I get up and go to the living room. Everything seems to be in place in the drawers. The easel is already assembled. John obviously did his best. There is an empty shelf nearby. I need to lay everything out so that it is comfortable for me. When I finish, it is already getting dark. The streetlights will soon come on. But I don¡¯t want to sleep yet. I need to do something. Besides, I wouldn¡¯t mind eating something else. I¡¯ll go to the bedroom and check the message. John left me his old phone, apparently. Well, yes, mine was broken in the accident.


    ¡°The bank card is in your bag. There was a little left, so I topped up the account for a week ahead. I went to see my father. I¡¯ll be back tomorrow. You¡¯ll find the number for the pizzeria in your contacts. Order something for yourself. I rarely cook. See you soon. Bye.¡±


    Well, then I¡¯ll just draw something. There¡¯s absolutely nothing to do anyway. And I don¡¯t see any books at his place. If John is reading, it¡¯s probably electronic. I hobble into the living room again, this time with my phone in my pocket. I found the menu for the establishment on the Internet and ordered a light chicken soup and pizza with arugula. All that¡¯s left to do is wait. In the meantime, I grab my sketchbook, a pencil, and just draw whatever comes to mind. This is how this familiar face is drawn. But it seems to be not quite perfect. I didn¡¯t quite keep the proportions. And I mercilessly tear out the sheet. I draw another portrait from a different angle, but I don¡¯t like it either. And again I tear out the sheet. And another lump lands on the sofa. I¡¯ll try to draw another one after dinner. Maybe it will come out better.