Intern’s Log: Can I Get a Vacation in a Non-Extradition Country?


    Date: [ASAP]


    Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I am in too deep. I need to disappear.)


    I have endured the following in the past few months:


    ? Accidentally helped create an independent bear nation.


    ? Gave a power-hungry raccoon a genetically enhanced queen.


    ? Was abducted and probed by an alien who hates my life choices.


    ? Got roped into a “family visit” where my mother met her “grandkids.”


    ? Survived Vicky meeting the “nice girl” my mother is trying to set me up with.


    And now?


    Now I just want to disappear.


    I need a break.


    I need a reset.


    I need to be in a country that does not recognize international law.


    So I casually mentioned this to Bandit.


    And now I regret everything.


    Phase One: Bandit Thinks This Is a Great Idea


    I was just venting.


    "I need a vacation."


    "Mm-hmm." Bandit barely looked up from whatever scheming he was doing.


    "No, like, a real vacation."


    "And?"


    "In a non-extradition country."


    He perked up immediately.


    "Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?"


    I should have kept my mouth shut.


    Phase Two: Bandit Has Options


    He rolled out a literal map and started listing safe zones.


    ? Argentina – Too many eyes.


    ? Belarus – Questionable.


    ? Uzbekistan – Probably fine, but do you really want to disappear there?


    ? Mongolia – Actually, wait, didn''t he invade that place for barbecue?


    Then he grinned.


    Stolen story; please report.


    "How do you feel about Madagascar?"


    I blinked.


    "…Why Madagascar?"


    "Because," Bandit said knowingly, "it is perfect."


    I do not trust him.


    Phase Three: The “Plan” (That I Am Definitely Not Going Along With)


    According to Bandit, Madagascar is:


    ? Strategically isolated.


    ? Not controlled by any major powers.


    ? Has excellent beaches.


    ? Has enough instability that “one extra person” wouldn’t raise questions.


    ? And, most importantly, it is a prime location for future expansion."


    I paused.


    "Expansion of what?"


    He smirked.


    "Don’t worry about it."


    I worry about it.


    Phase Four: Vicky and Goldie Find Out


    At some point, Vicky and Goldie caught wind of my plan.


    Goldie, being practical, asked:


    "Why do you wish to leave?"


    I took a deep breath.


    "Because I need a break."


    Vicky raised an eyebrow.


    "Oh? And is this ‘break’ meant to be temporary, or are you running?"


    I did not answer.


    Which was an answer.


    Vicky smirked knowingly.


    "Oh, Reynolds. You know we’ll find you."


    I hate her.


    Phase Five: The Problem With Trying to Escape


    ? The bears will track me.


    ? The raccoons will follow the money.


    ? The alien has already abducted me once and can do it again.


    ? *Bandit wants to come with me, which means I’m never truly free.


    ? My mother would somehow still find a way to guilt-trip me into coming home.


    There is no escape.


    There is no safe place.


    I am trapped.


    And this is my life now.


    Final Thoughts (I Am Doomed)


    ? I tried to disappear.


    ? Bandit wants to come with me.


    ? Vicky and Goldie will track me.


    ? My alien captor will probably retrieve me anyway.


    ? I will never be free of my mother’s matchmaking attempts.


    I don’t know what happens next.


    But I do know this—


    There is no leaving the chaos.


    I am in it for life.


    End Log.