Chapter 222


    Arrick’s POV


    ~ Le’s party ~


    Le’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning


    around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my


    brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’


    and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this


    beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.


    I spy Sophs, Le, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little toote due


    to not watching where I was going and swerve at thest second before she spots me. My heart


    lurching at running into her again when I’m already aplete emotional wreck. Hating that even still,


    my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way


    too drunk for this shit and my bnce is fucked as it is. I should never have downed so much booze in


    a bid to numb out my heartbreak.


    “I just need to make sure my baby sister is okay, you know, cos I love her more than life, and the world,


    and the earth, and the …” Le’s slurring,manding, cutesy voice sways my way as I make to


    escape but someone grabs me in passing and hauls me backwards with a firm tug. No sense of


    bnce whatsoever means I stumble backwardsically, arms iling for a second before I’m righted


    by my main man Daniel, who seems sober. My head spinning with the effort and growl as I turn on that


    blonde little fireball known as Leelou. Hating that she brought me right back beside the object of all my


    pain and the reason I was fleeing. I’m more than aware of Sophs standing looking like my idea of a


    fantasy in a sparkly little silver dress, big beautiful blue eyes in smoky makeup and that gorgeous


    blonde hair which brings back so many painful happy memories.


    “Arree!” Le chants and startles me with her ninja-style maneuver, she’s waaaaay drunker than I’m


    and being held up by her husband, seeing as I seem to have trouble standing still. I clear my throat


    painfully as instinct pulls my eyes to Sophs, because I can never control that part that’s always drawn


    to her, hating that she blushes and immediately turns away to avoid the contact. My heart clenches in


    my chest and my palms immediately get mmy at her proximity again. I still haven’t recovered from


    dancing with her earlier.


    “What, Leeloo?” I lean in and bop her on the head, loving the bones of one of closest friends and


    amused she’s this hammered at her own party. I sway in and almost bang her face to face and have to


    right myself before Daniel ends up holding us both up again. Everything is swaying and I am overly


    aware of the sexy, beautiful crazy little distraction to my left. All I want to do is touch her.


    “Take Sophie home and look after her. She needs a real man to take care of her, not that gay guy she


    hangs about with, making moon eyes at my husband.” Le is slurring and her words don’t make


    sense. I frown as I decipher and repeat it slowly in my brain once more, picking out the two most


    important words ‘gay guy’ and throwing a questioning look at her. Instantly confused as something in


    the back of my mind jumps to attention.


    “What gay guy?” I lean in and try to get her full attention, but Daniel starts pulling her in the direction of


    the door, in a bid to control her wandering body and she throws me a deep frown, like I’m thick. A


    sweet look of ‘duh’ on her pretty face.


    “Christian! He’s lovely and all, but Sophie needs a real boyfriend, Arrick. Why don’t you love my sister?


    She’s awesome and beautiful, and she adores you. You would make such cute babies and look; we


    would be like a real brother and sister.” Le grabs my face clumsily and nts a kiss on my nose, in a


    mortifyingly cute, yet kind of gruesome way as her words reverberate through my skull and I stand like


    a shocked silent moron as they filter through. Daniel has obviously had enough, and starts pushing her


    outwards, throwing some sort of weird nce Sophs way which only heightens my suspicion and I


    throw her a look that asks ‘why?’


    Heart racing as I take in what Le said, body instantly stiffer as my drunk haze is kicked aside a little


    to really grasp the weight and rity of those words. I almost can’t inhale and have to swallow hard to


    really let it sink in that Christian is gay. That ‘boyfriend’; touchy feely, hands on my Sophs, with her


    every second of every minute of her days, shadowing her in her life, is into men … so that means …


    “Come on you.” Daniel lifts and scoops Le up into his arms, looking mighty fucking guilty for a so-


    called mate and he avoids my re. Confirming Le isn’t lying and is not being drunk and mental.


    Christian is fucking gay! I stand rooted to the spot for a second, chest hammering and breathing


    shallow as it really hits home that I wasted months without her, because of him! Christian!


    “Le, I’m staying here. I don’t need anyone to look after me and I don’t need a boyfriend. I’m fine.”


    Sophs offers sweetly, her eyes homed in on her sister and avoiding me as I stare at her side profile,


    eating into her face to try and pull out answers, knowing fine well she’s been caught out. I can see it all


    over her. The guilt because she’s never been dishonest with me.


    She lied to me.


    Sort of. I mean, okay she didn’t say he was her…. but it was implied. It looked like… and Jake told


    me… Mother fucking assholes!


    Judging by this beingmon knowledge among the Huntsbergers, I am pretty much banking my


    family knew too, and I’m the only idiot who was kept in the dark, suffering because I thought she’d


    moved on. Jake is going to get a broken face for letting me believe it this, for letting me pine and suffer


    when I should have been chasing her to the ends of the world.


    Sophie moves to help Daniel with Le as she loses a shoe and follows them, scooping it up and


    avoiding what’s probably my death re, aimed at her head as it all sinks in that thesest months, she


    hasn’t been dating Christian… he’s nothing more than her friend and she’s been single this entire


    fucking time. My relief is shrouded in anger, hurt, betrayal at some many parts of this and I’m pissed


    that after everything we were, she let me believe it.


    She follows them, picking up discarded jewelry and a bag before Le hugs her around the head when


    we step outside and she waves them off. So small and petite and looking every bit like the other half to


    my soul. Even if she’s one who fucking lies to me.


    I’m like a hound dog stuck to her ass, relentlessly following her because I have to know for sure. That


    he’s gay and why the fuck she let me believe otherwise. Why the charade, why the weeks of agony


    when I could have just …. I could have fixed us. I could have fixed everything so long ago.


    As soon as they saunter off and it’s only the two of us out here on the doorstep, Sophs turns and tries


    to dodge me, making it obvious she isn’t going to offer any kind of exnation and tries to veer around


    me to go back inside. I am in no mood for avoidance, not when I find out the girl, I am crazy about and


    only stayed away from has been hiding behind a fucking lie. A huge one that changes everything.


    I grab her by the hand as she passes and pull her back with me. Head set on answers and being a


    drunk asshole because I’m fucking raging that she kept the truth from me. To hurt me? To fuck me up?


    Yeah, I deserved it, but it still sucks that it cuts this deep and she has no idea what it’s stopped me from


    doing these past months. How many times I stood outside her apartment and didn’te to her, didn’t


    try harder to reach out or get to her. How much I have pined, ached, and longed to see her. He’s all that


    stood in my way because I thought she had moved on and all I ever wanted was to see her happy.


    I pull her down the steps with me, into the garden, focused on heading to my own garden and away


    from eyes, ears and fucking gay friends who pretend to be boyfriends in an attempt to keep her away


    from me. So not in the mood for interference when I have a lot to say and I’m drunk enough to do it.


    Moving fast, paced with anger and aware of her struggling to keep up. She tries to get her wrist free


    from me but in no way am I letting her go until we have this out. She has no idea the agony I’ve been


    through thinking she was with him, that her and him were ... I can’t even. The thought of it presses on


    my ribs and makes breathing harder.


    “We need to talk,” I hear the slur in my voice and tell myself to calm down. To remember why Sophs no


    longer has anything to do with me and why I’m dragging her petite little ass across the street like a


    madman on a rampage.


    I’m the one who should be groveling, exining and I need to stop raging because I’m hurt. Need to


    remind myself of how much I hurt her and why she might’ve pretended to have someone else. To keep


    me away, to protect her heart. To make sure I stayed out of her life because of what I did. To convince


    me she didn’t need me anymore and show me she had severed all ties and meant it. All of which stab


    me in the stomach with the reality of why she stopped me from getting near her again.


    “Arrick slow down, wait!” her voice is panicked, tugging backwards but her resistance only makes me


    worse. Her struggling to get away from me and making it clear that all this time, she chose to keep me


    thinking she had moved on with another guy. It cuts me to the bone and rips me to shreds inside. I


    would have chased her, I would have crawled on my knees to her, to see her, to beg for forgiveness to


    have her back in any way. She dyed all that because I thought she had fallen for another guy.


    “Why did you let me think you and he were together? “I spin on her angrily when I get us into the side


    passage of my mom’s garden. It’s secluded and private enough here and far from the party. Blocking


    her in the side of my home and she stumbles into my sudden halt, falling off her ridiculously high shoes


    and into my chest. She goes over her ankle and yelps, grabbing onto my arm and abdomen to stop


    herself and I instinctively catch her in my arms, pulling her against me, stopping her falls and it calms


    some of my fire.


    Stupid shoes.


    I lean down and pull them off her feet automatically, swooping into us of old and tending to her so she


    can stand on the soft grass without breaking her leg, and drop them beside her before straightening up


    to re at her for answers. Heart racing, body poised because so much importance rides on this little


    tiny fact. I’m almost crippled with a low guttural fear that maybe he isn’t gay, and she does love him that


    way.


    Her face changes from pale shock at minor pain to all out Sophie rage, bristling up, little warrior posture


    pulling free and she shoves me hard in the chest to get me the hell off her.


    “I didn’t tell you I was with him in that way, not once! Don’t you dare hit me with this shit!” she spits


    angrily; my fiery little diva hitting full throttle as she squares up to me, enraged that I have used her


    of something she has clearly done. For a moment that swell of pride and warmth stirs deep down. I


    always loved this side of her, even when I was on the receiving end. The evidence of teaching her to


    never let anyone every mistreat her again. Her fire, her fight, her spirit. It’s the beauty of Sophs. I


    makes my anger sizzle down and my heart open wider to continue bleeding out.


    “Then why would Jake think that? Why would you not want to see me again? Tell me straight, Sophie


    … is there someone, are you seeing anyone? Have you moved on?” I’m cycling between anger, real


    fear, and fucking despair. Heart pounding through my chest as logic starts to push in and the very real


    chance that Sophs might not have moved on at all, and instead of hopeless unrequited love, she might


    actually still have a modicum of feeling for me and I should be begging her, not yelling at her. Then


    there are the doubts that he’s not gay, I’m being a drunk asshole and she’s about to tear me a new one


    and never speak to me again.


    I impulsively catch her delicate chin in my hand and tug her to face me, towards me so desperate for


    real answers and no bluffs, lies or games. Anger subsiding when faced with the enraged woman I


    would die for and the feel of her near me, making everything less shitty. Longed to be this close to her


    for months now.


    Sophie recoils and shoves me hard across the arm to dislodge my hold, that inner demon sparking in


    her eyes and I drop my hands when faced with the version of her I used to see often. Blown away by


    the appearance of my hurricane. There’s not one version of her that I could ever dislike. She’s my


    beautiful storm, who has the power to rip through my heart and devastate every part of me.


    “It has nothing to do with you.” she snaps, furiously, ring at me with venom and I’m shocked at the


    fury and poison behind that look. Winded by the very real evidence that my hurting her has left her just


    as messed up as I’ve been for months. My anger fully sizzles away to nothing at all when faced with


    sheer fury and what to others would look like irredeemable hatred. I know I have a chance, a glimmer


    of hope to talk her down and around and maybe a chance at fixing some of my mistakes. I know her, I


    know what I see.


    “It does when I can’t stop thinking about you, can’t stop missing you. I just need to know Sophie if I


    blew it … if I’m toote?” I lock my focus on that beautiful face, seeing the tears well in her eyes, the


    stubborn jut of that chin and all the little tells that the Sophie wall is fully functioning and up around her


    on all sides. She’s seething, throwing me her strongest hostile, ‘I hate you’ vibes, which can only mean


    my baby’s in real pain, and she might still care about me too. If she had moved on, I wouldn’t be able to


    wound her anymore, no matter what I was saying to her. Not like this, to this depth.


    “Don’t you fucking dare! You don’t have a right to do this to me again … To say this to me!” it’s spat in


    usation, shielding heartbreak and only because I know her the way I do, I see it. The fire, the


    venom, the tough girlshing at me and hating me because I hurt her. I broke my angel, and this is the


    fall out that I deserve. I recoil inwardly, all anger dying when I realize I should never have started this


    with rage. I should havee at her on my knees and asked for forgiveness. She’s not as fierce as


    she likes people to think and I pushed her into a corner without stopping to treat her heart delicately. I


    forced this reaction. I’m a dumbass, and it pulls a sense of calm to my ravaged soul, a tiny p of


    sober. That I need to change my approach.


    “Sophie, I just want to talk, to exin.” My voice breaks a little as my tone and manner fully switch from


    anger to heart felt submission. Knowing I have no right to be mad at her for protecting herself against


    me. I deserved it. I don’t want to fight with her, I don’t care if she let me believe it and it’s fucked me up


    for weeks, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things orpared to how I wounded her. Focusing on


    the fact that it means she isn’t in love with him, dating him and I might stand a chance at some


    redemption if I stop fucking around and tell her how much I need her.


    “I’m not a toy you can pick up and drop anytime you feel like it, Arrick. You hurt me. You chose


    someone else. You don’t get toe back and try again. You don’t get back in.” her voice waivers, her


    eyes filled with moisture as she tries to avoid looking at me and scoops to grab her shoes, making it


    clear she’s leaving. I panic, not willing to let her go ever again and not ready to be done with this


    conversation when I haven’t had a chance to say half the shit spiraling in my mind, now we’re here.


    Cold icy terror grasping my guts with the very real possibility she might walk off. I catch her by the wrist


    as she straightens up, pull her to me in a bid to keep her here but Sophie flies into demon mode and


    shoves at me, pping with her shoe at my arm so I release her before she darts back out of reach.


    Wild eyed and panting. Scolded by my touch.


    “Don’t touch me. Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” She screeches at me viscously; raw pain on show


    as tears cascade down her face, an expression that rips my soul in two because it’s exactly the same


    as the night I shredded her heart and rejected her once and for all. That undeniable heartache that I


    caused her, and it makes me bleed. Everything inside of me crumbles to dust and I’m left with panging,


    throbbing ache. So much regret and desperation.


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    “Please, Sophie, hear me out. Give me a chance to exin, a chance to say what I have wanted to say


    to you for weeks.” I lift my hands defensively, trying to show her I won’t touch her. I know her mind and


    how she is when in extreme pain. The no touching, give me space or I’llsh out self-defense mode


    and I hate that I initiated it. It’s in full throttle and she’s verging on an all-out freak out if I keep pushing


    her. She begins pacing in a circle, her body bristling, breathing erratic and I can tell its because she


    needs tosh out, vent, so close to the breaking point. Her emotions are spiraling, and she can’t calm


    them without help when she’s like this. Only I could and I have no way of helping her if she won’t let me


    close. I feel so instantly helpless and the need to hold her consumes me.


    “Why? So you can tell me how confused you are? How you don’t want to hurt Natasha? How you love


    me, but you don’t know how to feel? Go fuck yourself! I moved on … I found a way to deal with things


    on my own, and thest thing I need is you fucking my head up all over again! Go away.” It’s a spew of


    tear sodden venomous words, thrown for maximum wounding impact and it does. Truth has a way of


    slicing your soul. It cripples my heart and I wince like she’s stabbed me with a fishing pole right through


    the chest because I did all that to her, like a dumb fucking moron who had no idea what he was losing


    at the time. I don’t have a second to react, or respond, when she spins on her heel and starts stomping


    away. Making it clear she’s done with this, me, us, and walking away.


    I follow her desperately, I mean, what else can I do. She’s literally my entire reason for breathing and


    hate me or not, I swore I would never let her walk away again if I ever got the chance. I love her, she’s


    all I want in life and I can’t let her go without a fight. I won’t give up until I say everything I need her to


    hear and do everything in my power to have her listen to me.


    “Do you want me to beg? I will, I’ll beg … on my knees, Sophie. If that’s what it takes for you to hear


    me out. That’s all I want, just a chance to speak to you.” I call out in despair and pace after her into the


    middle of our street, dropping to my knees impulsively as the words flow out, to show her I’m serious,


    and holding my palms out skywards, praying she stops and stays. I so badly want her to turn around


    and for her to listen. I don’t know what else to do. She deserves grand gestures and sos, not drunk


    assholes in the street who can barely stop slurring, making a damn fool of themselves, but I’m working


    with what I’ve got.


    She nces back sassily, a flick of attitude and anger, eyes filled with tears as though expecting it to be


    a lie and shudders to a halt when she sees me on the ground. A look of shock passing across her


    sweet face in a nanosecond. My heartbeat stops with a flutter at her instant response.


    “Stop it. Get up. Don’t do that.” She yells at me, turning and waving her hands, motioning for me to get


    back up as though somehow my doing this is the absolute worst thing in the world. I don’t move. I’m


    broken and the woman I’m crazy about is going to walk away for a second time if I don’t grovel and beg


    and tell her how much I need her. I can’t go through life without her. It’s too hard, too empty, too bleak


    and she took al the sun and goodness, the happiness with her when she walked out.


    My eyes are blurry as I’m ovee with aching pain, my throat hoarse with pent up emotion and the


    need to have her stay with me. I have nothing else if I don’t have her. I can’t let her go on not hearing it


    from me, my mouth my words, that I love her and losing her was the single worst mistake of my life.


    Something in her expression snaps and she marches at me, angrily, sobbing her beautiful little heart


    out and starts tugging at my jacket in a bid to haul me up, looking around likes she’s scared people will


    see me and it strikes a pain in my heart. That she cares that I’ll embarrass myself, or the fact she


    knows I don’t so public shows of vulnerable and emotional. For her I will, for her I would walk barefoot


    through fire and brimstone to show her I love her. Sore knees on cold uneven gravel is nothing


    compared to months of agony at not being in her life.


    “I want you back, Sophs … I need you. I can’t keep going on like this, without you. It just gets worse


    with every passing day. I can’t do it …. I’ve tried and I can’t live a Sophieless life.” She’s still tugging


    hopelessly as I swallow hard and try to bring her focus back to me, meaning every word. Body wracked


    with a toothache like throbbing, knees starting to really smart through my tux pants and remaining stiff


    in keeping this position. I will beg her for an eternity if it’s what it takes. A heartfelt tear rolls down my


    cheek in utter desperation to have her back in my life in any way I can get her. For her not to hate me


    the way she seems to now and to stop fighting for one second so I can try and break through her steel


    walls again.


    “I don’t want to face a future that doesn’t have you in it. I can’t live that way. Nothing means anything


    anymore.” My voice breaks as my emotions do. Aching for her, needing her more than air, and feeling


    hopeless in how to navigate this. How to undo everything I’ve broken.


    Sophs covers her ears as she drags in a ragged breath, inhaling a sob, crumbling from tough and


    fierce to small and wounded and showing me that somewhere in there I can still make her cry. This


    affects her on some deeper level, and that means there’s hope that she still cares enough. That my


    words struck a chord and she maybe misses me too. She moves to covering her face when a fresh


    torrent of tears hit her instead and I can’t stand it anymore. Crushing, heavy pain consumes me that my


    baby sobbing in the street, looking this broken at my hands and my carelessness with her heart.


    I jump to my feet, stalking to her and wrapping my arms around her upper body to hug her instinctively.


    Wrapping myself around her fragile, tiny, figure and almost melting at being able to get this close to her.


    Nothing and no one ever feels like she does. Thating home, that missing part to my being that


    somehow slots in and makes the world feel right and safe again. Sophie is the missing piece; she


    always has been.


    Finding a way to slide a hand under her chin softly and tugging her up to face me so I can see her. I try


    to calm myself back to that cool solid she needs in her life. To be her grounding force and push my


    head mess and frazzled emotions aside as I pull myself together. She doesn’t fight me. She relents. I


    feel the change in her stiff stance as she hesitates, sags slightly, and I can’t contain how good she


    feels.


    A warm rush of adrenaline that I get the first tiny hints that she’s softening, that she’s responding to me


    and itpletely overwhelms me in every way. I step in a little more, lean in and do what I’ve dreamt of


    since I let her leave me. I kiss her. Finding her mouth, pressing against her with all the passion and


    longing coursing through me of months of despair and emptiness at losing her, as I find my way back


    home against the only girl that’s ever really mattered to me.


    It’s bittersweet. The soft press of her sweet warm mouth, memories flooding in to remind me of her


    taste, her smell, the way my heart selfbusts and my stomach fills with butterflies at this kind of


    contact. My head and crazy mind falls silent, like I slip effortlessly under a calm warm sea as


    nothingness and contentment floods my soul and brings me real peace again. Sophie was always the


    anchor to my internal manic insanity. Just like I’m the steady rock to her outward hurricane.


    For a second, she stops, caves and kisses me back, for the sweetest locking and joining of lips that


    ignites tingles and goosebumps over my entire body. Lost to her, floating in space and free falling as I


    lose consciousness to everything but the feel of her mouth against mine. A parting of her lips signals


    her falling into this with me, as I move to take this to another level of intense as passion sears and


    need for her overtakes logic. Heart somersaulting at her touch, being back with her this way, physically


    rejoicing in being allowed to taste her once again and she’s as sweet as I remember.


    And then she ps me.


    I don’t see or feel iting at all and it knocks me for six. Good old Sophie recoil, she yanks back and


    delivers a face tingling one hander that knocks some sense and sobriety into my thick skull and


    reminds me just how much of a cyclone and sassy diva she can be. Stunned with the impact, brain


    jolted from fantasynd and knocked with a stinging thud back to the here and now and faced with my


    hellcat whose spitting teeth and my audacity to kiss her. My cheek tingles and I take a moment to reel


    my head back around at the fact, she actually pped me.


    Sophs? Babe?