Chapter 221


    Arrick’s POV


    ~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~


    I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m


    still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to


    pick the venue. This ce is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch


    break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way


    and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and


    although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She


    won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.


    “Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is


    supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and re him down. Back on formtely and I will


    put him on his ass again if he keeps this up, I’m not one to deal with attitudetely. I shove him in the


    shoulder towards the restaurant door and catch Charlieughing at us. He’s my trainer and at six feet


    seven, built like a giant brick shit house, I am not too keen on any reprimanding from him in public. He’s


    one of the few guys who can match me in a ring, and he isn’t against trying hard to punch me out. I’m


    lucky I have speed and agility on my side.


    “That was a good session, Arry. Keep it up and a championship will be yours my boy.” Charlie pats me


    on the back as we enter the building and the young female Ma?tre D rushes towards us with menu’s,


    grinning wildly. Tom scoots forward to deal with her, seeing a possible fuck buddy, as I turn to my main


    man. I spend so much time with himtely that we should be sick of seeing each other.


    “I figured that focusing all my energy into beating the shit out of people, was better than letting myself


    drown in self-pity.” I smile at him coolly; he knows how I have been these past weeks and he nods with


    a fatherly smile. He has seen me at my worst, especially right after finding out Sophie had a boyfriend


    and pulled me out of the alcohol binge state I went into. He focused me back on fighting and saved me


    from myself.


    Not exactly doing much better nowadays, still broken and living like an empty shell, but at least I have a


    focus and a release for all the shit going off inside of me. He’s twenty years older than me, but the guy


    has a seriously mean body and a demeanor that screams ‘I will fuck you up.’ No one knows how much


    of a softie he really is, how much I respect him and howtely, he has be an ear for all my


    problems. My Sophie stand in of sorts.


    The small brte is pointing into the back of the busy room at tables up near the back and Tom leads


    the way. We follow closely, stomachs rumbling,pletely starving from an excessively energetic


    session and I feel good about how I’m doing with my trainingtely. Focused everything on just doing


    that and nothing else. Taking a time out from Carrero Corp, taking time out of my own head, and


    expelling all the shit that keeps messing me up, physically. I’m doing well, honing techniques and


    feeling positive about a fight I have lined up.


    “Is my princess ready to go?”


    “I am.” The familiar sweet voice hits me like a sucker punch as we walk down the center walkway of the


    room and I stumble. I would recognize her voice anywhere, and it’s like being hit with a thousand spiky


    pins all at once, over every single part of my body. It’s been haunting me for weeks, she’s never out of


    my head, or my dreams, always there in the shadows of my mind, every second.


    Thatugh, her cute giggle, carefree and pure, and I am renderedpletely incapable for a moment,


    turning impulsively to see the familiar small blonde head, with her back to me, leaving a table with a


    blonde stocky guy, that is a shit sight to see. My breath catches in my throat and I literally can’t move,


    immobile with a mix of pain, and longing to see her.


    My Sophs.


    I know who he is. Seen him with her from afar. The guy who reced me, who swooped in and caught


    her when I let her go. My careless abandonment of the most precious thing I ever had. She doesn’t


    know how many times I stood outside her apartment and lost the courage to just go in and see her.


    How many times I caught sight of hering out and left, afraid, ashamed. Unable to just tell her how


    much of a mistake I made. How I feel about her. Usually he is right along with her, shadowing her,


    holding her hand and has been the deterrent in my approaching her for weeks. My stomach twists in


    my gut and the words are out almost impulsively, because I’m caught off guard.


    “Sophie?” I sound pathetic, unsure and I’m aware I’m standing still, in the middle of the aisle while my


    mates shake their head at me and wander off. Charlie throws me that look...’Good luck’ smirk. He


    knows who she is, he’s met her many a time on social asions, he knows she’s the reason my life fell


    to shit. Is still falling to shit.


    Sophie pauses for a second, I see her tense and I can’t stop the way my eyes devour every little piece


    of her. Her smallpact body, dressed in a pale printed floral dress that’s cute, a woolen cardigan


    and t sparkly shoes. She looks like Sophie of old like this, and it crushes what’s left of my soul. Her


    hair back to blonde, past her shoulder now and looking every bit like the girl I dream about every night.


    I can’t breathe. Body rigid, tensed and waiting to see that face turn to me while holding everything in.


    This is agony in its truest definition.


    The blonde guy with her, the guy I saw her with at her building, the guy Jake told me is the man she’s


    serious about. He has her hand in his as they turn together, and I have to hold onto every part of my


    self-control to not rip them apart and shove him halfway across the room. I hate that he’s touching her,


    that he gets to be with her, be close to her, make herugh and listen to her problems. I hate that he’s


    with her at all. It’s a mix of pain and anger, jealousy, and regret, and it sucks like hell.


    “Hi.” She says softly, surprise in her face; so perfect, a voice that can both wound me to the core and


    yet fill a part of me at the same time. Those blue eyes that have been missing in my life, burn my heart


    with just one contact and I have to swallow hard to control how much it hurts. She looks like everything


    I miss. No girl has everpared to her, how beautiful she is, how she makes me feel.


    I was a fool to ever lose her and I deserve this bull shit right here. I deserve to feel this way. I deserve


    for this to hurt like crazy when I look at the innocence of her face, the fear in the depths of those


    mesmerizing eyes. I put it there and I have no right to her anymore. I added scars to a heart I was


    supposed to heal and lost the rights to be part of her world.


    I never deserved you, baby.


    She smiles past me, I guess at Charlie as he moves to our table, recognizing him, and long for her to


    look back at me, to bask in her smile for just a second, to remember what it feels like to connect with


    her in anyway. To have her undivided attention again. I can almost taste how badly I want that.


    God, I miss her so much, this is excruciating.


    I thought I felt pain these past weeks, missing her, seeing her from afar, but this right here. It’s worse


    than hell. Having her look at me like this; closed up, hidden behind the Sophie self-defense system that


    is clearly on show, while lover boy slides his arm around her protectively. I want to throat punch him so


    badly, but I try to not visually react.


    Get your fucking hands off her.


    “How have you been?” I clear my throat; it’s like trying to dislodge nails and I’m having such a hard time


    acting normally. I don’t even know why I’m doing this to myself. I guess I just want something to hold


    onto... a new memory of her, so they never fade. It’s all I have left.


    I can’t tear my eyes from her in this moment, I just want to imprint every detail of her to my mind. She’s


    the light that is missing in my dark life.


    “I’m good, just getting on, and you know? … I have school.” She answers cautiously, holding in


    everything of her that tells me what she’s thinking. Icing me out. I can almost see her trying to avoid


    looking at me, all the old tells are there. The ones I spent years helping remove. She’s back to


    guarded, afraid, seeing me as a threat, and it twists the knife harder. She is fidgeting, picking at her


    nail, and pushing one foot behind the other, so juvenile, so Sophs, and I want to just reach out and pull


    her to me. To take it all away again and bury my face in her neck and hair. I really did lose her and fuck


    it all up. I hate seeing her this withdrawn, quiet and distant. She hasn’t been that girl to me for a long


    time and it brings back a million memories of just exactly what I have lost.


    I miss you... so much


    “Hi, I’m Christian, Sophie’s told me about you being childhood besties, and I have to say I’m an admirer


    of your fighting skills, Arrick. I see you had another knockout victory two weeks back, against Tiger


    Marse.” The blonde guy, Mr. Suave good looking and immactely dressed. holds his hand out to me,


    pulling my eyes from her as he leans out. Hand waving in front of me expectantly and I really bite down


    on the urge to break his fingers and ram them up his own ass. I can barely keep my heart rate under


    control, my breathing, as this courses through me.


    I see her watching me pensively, and give in, trying not to make her hate me anymore than she does. I


    take his hand and shake, applying more pressure than I should because I really, really, want to hurt him


    right now. Every part of my body is tense and poised to take the fucker down and beat the shit out of


    him. Take all this pain I am feeling and expel it on someone worthy... the guy who gets her. Because


    he’s not me.


    “Thanks. Nice to meet you, Christian.” I hesitate at what else to say, trying to y cool, be a gentleman.


    I know it’s what she will want; when I just want to pick him up by the throat, mess him up and warn him


    about what I will do to him if he ever hurts her. The way I did.


    I’m distracted by Tom calling on me impatiently and turn to throw him a cold re. A little ‘back the fuck


    off.’ frown because he needs to leave me alone right now. She’s more important. He frowns back at me


    unamused, but I ignore him and turn back. I can’t stop myself looking her over again, like a bee to


    honey. Can’t stop taking in how good she looks, how in her absence she has grown even more


    beautiful. I didn’t think that was possible. I clench my hands to calm the internal shaking and longing,


    aching because there is so much more I want to say to her. I want to pull her to me, away from him and


    hold onto her with everything in me.


    I finally get that saying, “regret is a killer”, because this bites like a mother fucker.


    “You look good Sophs. You always were more beautiful as a blonde. I like this on you, the sweet girl


    look … It’s more you.” It’s out impulsively, this need in me to verbalize how amazing she looks,


    standing here, watching me quietly. I don’t care if her boyfriend doesn’t like it. I’ll break his nose if he


    has a problem with it. If I want to tell her she looks beautiful, then I fucking will, and he gets no say.


    She always looks beautiful, even at four a.m. drunk and tear stained in a dress I hate and leaning on


    me to save her. What I would give even to have that part back. I would change everything if I could go


    back and know what I do now.


    “Thanks. You too. I mean... You look good.” She looks away shyly, inhales slowly and I can tell she


    wants me to go, to leave her alone. Another stabbing pain, another wound at her hands when she


    doesn’t even mean it. I hope she knows somewhere, deep down, that this isn’t what I wanted with us.


    That I would move mountains to go back and even have what we had before.


    Charlie calls me again and I feel like I might lose my shit with him. I don’t want to go; I want to stay here


    and remember every piece of her... I don’t know if I will ever see her again, or if I do, when. He has no


    idea how big a deal this is, to have her finally talk to me, after months of silent hell. How many times I


    have tried to will her to call me and got nothing. I turn and gesture two minutes, ring again and see


    Tom shove him in the arm, lean in to say something and I hope to god he’s threatening him... I sure as


    hell will be taking this out on his face soon enough.


    I look back and see her shuffling her feet ufortably and my heart sinks. She wants to go; I should


    let her. Stop dragging this out, even if I would have her stand here all day just so I don’t have to not see


    her again. I’m making this awkward for her, making her upset and that’s thest thing I want.


    Her boyfriend is staring at me a little oddly and I wonder if he is trying to figure out what I was to her. I


    doubt he has a clue. Knowing Sophie, she probably hasn’t told him about the past either, something


    she tells very few.


    “I need to go, Sophs; are you going to Le’s party?” Still clinging to hope I will see her again. This isn’t


    enough, it will never be enough. I don’t want a future where I don’t see her. It’s not bearable.


    “We sure will be, won’t we sweetheart? Can’t wait to meet Daniel, and of course, Le. Her parents


    have told me she’s the family fireball.” The guy squeezes her shoulder and I can’t bear it and look away


    before I physically hurt him. I should go before I do literally punch him out. I never knew it could feel


    this way.... seeing her with someone. There are no words to describe this agony or the levels of hatred


    and aggression coursing through me.


    “Guess I’ll see you both there then.” I catch her eye, simmering my anger expertly, trying so hard to


    save that face in my head. That beautiful angelic face that can haunt my soul for an eternity. She will


    always be my idea of perfection and beauty. She was made to satisfy every craving in me, in every


    way.


    “Guess you will.” The quick smile doesn’t reach her eyes. She can’t look at me, no matter how much I


    will her to, beg inside to have my moment with her. To find that connection somewhere between us and


    know it’s still there. I want it so badly I can taste it, but it isn’t.... she has closed the door.


    I took years getting in... and one stupid second of one bad choice, I lost all of it. Severed a limb, now


    she doesn’t need me anymore. I doubt there’s any love left for me, after what I did to her and that


    realization breaks thest ounces inside of me that had hope.


    I need to let her go. Even if it kills me to do so.


    “I better go before they start kicking off and eating the tablecloths.” I turn and motion to Tom that I am


    coming, I really need a second to get my head straight, without those tropical blues torturing me softly.


    Pull myself together.


    “I suppose, bye, then.” Her soft angelic tone draws me back, winds me with just how much this sucks.


    Saying goodbye like strangers who are passing by emptily... it was never meant to be this way. I was


    never meant to lose her.


    She’s my girl, my beautiful angelic, sweet, perfect girl. My face aches with the tingles over taking my


    body, emotion hitting me hard, clenching my teeth so much I may crack a crown, and I know I won’t be


    able to hold it together for much longer. I will literally rip her out of his arms and wrap myself around


    her, to keep her close, to never break my hold on her ever again.


    I am so in love with you, Sophs.


    He pulls her away, like he controls her, and I have to stand my ground and not react. Rage swirling up


    to demonic levels and that jealous side kicking in full throttle and wanting to rip his jugr out. I want to


    swing a kick at his face for pulling her that way. No one manhandles her. She isn’t a possession or a


    fucking puppy; she is the center of the fucking universe and he shouldn’t be hauling her. He should be


    treating her like a queen, taking care of her like fragile crystal, and giving her the world. Not a tug out of


    a restaurant.


    Sophie deserves the world.


    I grit my teeth when he smiles and waves at me, cursing inwardly and clenching every muscle. Willing


    myself to behave. Sophs looks away and allows him to lead her away. Making me hate him all the more


    for it.


    I hate this... panic rising inside of me, feet itching to follow her... always follow her, like I should have


    done that night. Countless times. I hate that I never, I regret it with every fiber in my body. I would never


    make the same mistake again.


    One chance Sophie... I would grab it with both hands and hold on to you with everything I have.


    She throws back a look that catches me in the eye and the heart in the same second and it’s thest


    blow. Crushing pain, as the sweetest, most amazing girl I have ever known, ever loved.... walks away


    in the arms of someone who was lucky enough to catch her. You don’t push the love of your life out so


    that someone else has to break her fall. If you do, you deserve to lose her to him.


    I swear he better make her happy, he better treat her like the princess she is, or I will personally fuck


    him up. She deserves the world, someone who will look after her in every way. Protect her. Cherish her.


    Understand her, and what she needs.


    I watch them go, unable to tear myself away until long after they leave the restaurant, her face lingering


    in my head. I can’t bear the pain, yet I cannot physically move until I lose sight of her. It draws every


    ounce of my energy and saps any chance of a better moodpletely out of me. I finally turn and walk


    to my table emptily,pletely deted, no longer hungry. Unable to think about anything else


    anymore and this undying urge to go back to the training ring and beat seven shades of shit out of


    Charlie, because I feel like it.N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.