Chapter 44


    The silence stretches between us endlessly, both looking at each other, then away awkwardly; neither


    sure what to say or do. I know he’s looking for the words to fix this, but there aren’t any. I know his


    good guy persona means he will try though, and all that kiss did was prove he wouldn’t be able to. He


    loves someone else and kissing me just repulsed the hell out of him. I guess he wanted to know,


    without just having a two-second smooch sprung on him, and now he knows. He doesn’t feel the way I


    do. Like I didn’t already know that, and I don’t need him standing there looking like he may pass out to


    remind me. His face tells me a thousand things that he doesn’t need to verbalize.


    “I need you to go.” I know it’s the only thing I can ask of him for my own sanity. If there had been any


    sort of fairytale realization he has the same feelings, he would havee out with it. It is ringly


    obvious that Arrick has only ever seen a vulnerable kid who liked to hang out and share so many dumb


    interests, before moving on to a real rtionship with someone he fell in love with. He has his life


    mapped out, and it never included me, in any way.


    “Sophs?” He raises his hand and seems to struggle for words. “I need some time to let this sink in ... I


    can’t think straight.” He steps towards me again then stops and moves by me in afterthought, it’s


    almost like he no longer knows how to behave around me either. I sigh and stay still, rooted to the spot,


    deted and epting of the fact that I always knew this was never going to go anywhere. Arrick is an


    over-thinker, he always has been, and it might take him a couple of days to let it sink in ande to


    the same conclusion, but he will. When his affection for me and the urge to always do the right thing


    clears away, and he sees how impossible this really is.


    This is property ? of N?velDrama.Org.


    Crazy how those three little words change everything between us.


    I know I lost him the second he understood what I meant; it’s written all over his face and in his


    reaction. I never stood a chance of being anything more than his friend, his childish sidekick, that kid


    who needed a protector and a shoulder to cry on, and nothing more.


    His kid sister.


    “I’m sorry, Sophs ... I just don’t think I feel that way about you. I have a girlfriend, and I don’t know how


    the hell to y this. I should never have kissed you, and I have to tell her.... That’s not who I am. I don’t


    cheat. I don’t know what that was.” He hangs around by the door and seems like he isn’t sure if he


    should stay or go. My insides turn to lead, and I don’t think I have any tears left in me to even let out. I


    feel empty. Arrick just took thest ounces of what was left inside of me and killed them t. He didn’t


    even mean to, and yet, here we are.


    “It was nothing, why bother? It was barely more than a graze of lips, almost chaste, and probably


    brotherly on your end. You will only hurt her, and it’s pretty clear that it was a spur of the moment test


    that failed. I don’t me you for anything. You have always been everything for me and more. I owe


    you so much, and I fell in love with you for it. Now maybe you’re right. We grew apart, and maybe we


    were meant to, exactly for this reason. So, go ... I’m not mad. I just need you to leave, and maybe we


    should just stay clear of each other for a bit, while I get my head straight.” I say it so steadily, so


    deadpan and sure, that I even believe it myself.


    “Sophs?” Arrick starts, his voice croaky and hurt, but I only shake my head. Stubborn girl reigning


    supreme in a bid to shield myself.


    “Just go, you’re only making it worse.” I state coldly. Refusing to look at him or move. I can sense him


    lingering by the door, hesitant because deep down Arrick is a good guy. No matter what he feels for


    me, he is decent; not someone who just pushes feelings aside carelessly and it’s probably destroying


    him to hurt his best friend this way. He would never intentionally do it.


    “GO!” I say it more firmly this time, more forcefully, holding my breath for what seems like forever until I


    hear the click of my door closing behind his silent steps. I exhale heavily, releasing so much sadness


    and crumble into the nearest seat with an exhausted thud, and yet another bout of unwee and


    uncontroble tears.


    I feel like he just ripped what was left of my sanity away.