Chapter 135


    Zenovia


    Pushing the hair away, he continued when I stepped back.


    “So…it took me a while, but I realized I was not going to die no matter how much I fought and pushed


    myself. But those around me were dying…at an rming rate. I had to change that. I could not save all


    of them but a few whom I could, I tried my best to care for them. Slowly, I found the survivors and


    gathered them to form a pack. I devoted my life to their betterment while silently hoping every day that I


    would not open my eyes the next morning. But guess what?”


    He asked, smiling like a madman.


    My heart broke to see him like this and I went towards him, trying to calm him down, but he stepped


    away again.


    “I…I never fucking died. Aisy died, but I am still alive. And… I would not have wanted to live…until I


    found you.


    Cahan said, thest four words leaving his mouth in a pained whisper. I felt as if somebody was


    squeezing my heart in a deathly grip and I could not breathe anymore.


    This. This was his way of telling me that I mattered to him. That he found the will to live…because of


    me. He had never been good with words, but his admission told me I was not just a random girl


    crushing on him.


    It told me that he felt something as well. And the burden of so many deaths, along with the guilt of


    staying alive with those memories, made him think he was unworthy of love.


    I could not bear to see him so vulnerable.


    “I would never let you die, Cal.” I began sobbing bitterly, and ran towards him, my hands holding him


    tightly. This time, he did not step away or push me back.


    And I held onto him like he was thest breath of air I needed to survive.


    The fear of losing him made my heartbeat race, and I gripped his shirt tightly, coiling my hands around


    him.


    My head was resting on his chest and I let the steady rhythm of his


    heartbeat calm my nerves. I could not bear the thought of not hearing his heart beat like this. He had to


    live. For me.


    He cupped my face and looked at me. “You…you changed me.” He said, and I chuckled despite the


    tears streaming down my face like a river.


    “You are the reason I found the will to live again. I had built walls around my heart to not let anybody


    I kissed his chest, letting my actions speak rather than words. He pushed the hair sticking to my


    temples behind and wiped the tears with the pad of his thumbs.


    “Then why did it take you so long to tell me all this?” I asked between sobs. I had been begging him to


    tell me everything from day one, yet he took so much time. I plotted running away from him, hated him


    and bickered so much with him, called him names while he endured it silently.


    I felt horribly guilty for everything I had done or said to him. He had just admitted he loved me in his


    own way. But I wanted more of this, more of


    him.


    And if I could jump upon this chance of making him realize just how much he wanted me, and loved me


    with the same ferocious intensity I did, I would shamelessly take it.


    His voice cracked, and I saw the way his lips trembled. “Because I was not sure if you would stay with


    me till the end. The pain of losing Aisy still haunts me to this day. And I did not allow myself to fall for


    anyone. I was afraid I would lose you, too. So it was better to make you hate me.”


    Cahan said, and I smiled through the tears. “We both saw how good that n turned out, right?”


    He chuckled, and I saw the first signs of relief cross his features.


    “Are you…are you still not second guessing your decision? Mirabel literally showed you what happened


    to her own daughter, Zee. I cannot bear to see something happen to you. I promised you the truth and I


    gave it to you. Theplete truth.”


    I kissed his fingers that were caressing my cheek and I saw the way he gasped. This was my Cahan.


    The Lycan King who was cold and cruel on the outside but was a sweetheart on the inside.


    I always knew he was only putting up a show of being cold and unreachable, but I could not have ever


    imagined the truth to be so intense….so jarring.


    The loss of a loved one leaves wounds and pain that seldom goes away. I had lost my mother, so I


    knew how that felt. But I had not seen the light in her eyes dim as I held her, sobbing uncontrobly.


    “I don’t deserve to live, Zee. I don’t deserve you either.”


    I put a finger on his lips to stop him from talking, but he pulled it away and continued to talk. “I could not


    protect Aisy and…and I attacked you, too. That is why I was not letting you be my anchor. I feel…


    I feel I will not be able to do justice to you or your feelings…”


    I could not hold back any longer. The fact that he had been living with so much burden and did not


    have anybody to share with all this life was heart wrenching.


    Cahan did not deserve this life. Nobody did. It was not his fault that Aislynn died, and he


    has been living with a tremendous amount of guilt


    all his life.


    Now I knew why he wouldugh cruelly when Drusi or anybody else h cruelly when Drusi or


    anybody else spoke about fate. He never really worshiped the Moon Goddess either. I only thought he


    was an atheist at first.


    Not all men believed in God. But he had been created by and left to rot. How could Selene do this to


    him?


    our Goddess


    I had been praying to her all my life and worshiped her, thought of her as my own mother. There were


    countless nights I would keep staring outside the window, looking at the moon and wondering if she


    was listening to me, if she was paying attention to her neglected daughter.


    But after hearing what Cahan went through, that belief in the Moon Goddess was shaken. I did not


    know what to think of her anymore. Not that she would care. She had left Cahan to rot for so many


    years and never thought of freeing him of his curse.


    I never thought I would feel anything but devotion to the Moon Goddess. But I guess now she did not


    have one more ardent believer of hers.


    And if she was going to send me to hell for siding with Cahan, so be it.


    “Zee, you should really think-” Cahan began again, but I did not want to hear any reason why I could


    not want him. In fact, the more he


    10:03


    revealed about the dark past, the more my admiration, love, respect and everything I felt for him


    increased even further.


    If he thought his revtion would make me shun him, he did not know


    me at all.


    “Think what?” I challenged him, twisting the fabric of his shirt in my hand and pulling him close.


    “I am drunk and you are not thinking straight. Us is a bad idea.”


    “Really?” I asked and brought my lips closer.


    Immediately his eyes darkened and whatever he was going to say next died on his tongue.


    “Zee…” His voice was more of a low growl than a warning. Maybe, he was asking himself to stay back


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    and not let his restraint slip.


    “Yes…” I said, now my lips just a hair’s breadth away from his.


    I saw the way his expressions changed and his eyes light with a fire I had begun to fear would never


    show up for me. But there it was.


    I smiled at that. Now, I had to push him just a bit more so that he would give up this stupid idea of


    pushing me away.


    The Lycan King needed just a little reminder that he wanted me and I


    my hand was more than ready to give him that. So I grabbed his face in and pulled him hard, crashing


    my lips upon his without wasting a second.