Book 13: Chapter 46


    I solemnly said, Nier, I still want to go.


    Nier sat up from the ground and, hopeless, she sighed: Did you go see Lucia? Why is that that you randomly get excited every time after seeing her? Dear, do you really want to go?


    I affirmatively nodded: Ah, I do. I wont let you go alone. Ille with you. Nier, I really want to go. I want to witness this. I want to kill the wyrm for myself; not for Ying and Xia. Just for myself. Nier, I really want to go. I really want to go!


    Nier let out a heavy sigh: I shall choose to do my best, since you have made your decision. Dear, we shall go, as you want to y it, but you must keep yourself safe. Dont let anything happen to you.


    I nodded, and then walked up to Niers side to give her a gentle hug. She didnt speak or hug me back. She just stayed in my embrace. I gently stroked her back then softly asked, Whats wrong, Nier. Are you angry?


    Mm, responded Nier, in a muffled voice. She chose to be forthright: Im truly very angry. Im not angry at you but myself, and Im jealous. Im jealous of Lucia. Im the same as her. Im your wife, as well, and you promised to not be bias, but Im still very jealous of her.


    Why?


    That was what I afraid of most when it came to my wives. I treated Lucia and Nier the same way. I was afraid of one of them would say I was bias towards one of them. I, therefore, did my best to spend the same amount of time with each of them and split things evenly between them. I felt that was treating them equally.


    Because replied Nier, hesitant.


    Nier raised her head. She had emotionless eyes in the past. This time, she revealed a strong reluctance this time, nheless. Her jealousy was strong enough to turn to hate. She took in a deep breath as though she was doing her best to stop herself from crying.


    Im jealous. Too jealous. Why? Why is Lucia is able to raise your spirits every time? Why do you seek her out whenever you cant think things through? She can definitely raise your spirit, too. Why can she raise your spirit, yet I am forever stuck making you feel troubled? Im honestly jealous of her. Very jealous. Why? How can she understand you so well?


    Niers tears started to slowly course down her face. Some say that tears taste sweet if theyre tears of joy, while tears taste salty if theyre tears of sadness. I suppose tears of despair and jealousy must taste as bitter as bile. She grabbed me tightly. In a shaky voice, she borated, Im honestly very jealous of her. Lucia understands you so well, while I dont understand you at all I don know what you want to do and why you want to do things


    I gently stroked Niers back. Voice quiet, I exined, Its all right, its all right, Nier. Lucia understands me, for weve been together for a very long time. Lucia and I are childhood friends. Weve been together, since we were young. Thats how Lucia knows me so well. Lucia knows what I want to do and what exactly I want.


    Nier tightly gripped my chest and loudly shouted, Thats why Im jealous of her!! Shes far too high above me! Lucia spent too much time with you before I knew you. I thought time didnt matter; I thought I could catch up, but I now finally understand that its not the case. Lucia grew up with you, so she understands you. Youll always think of her whenever youre at a loss. Why dont youe to see me? Why? Why? I feel Im inferior to Lucia But you only feel that Lucia can provide you with direction when youre at a loss Why do you trust her so much? Why cant you reach out to me the same way?


    I had no argument, because Nier was right, for that was how I saw Lucia and Nier. Unlike my love with Nier, my love with Lucia didntprise of a nightlife. We sometimes wouldnt even be intimate, even during the day, but Id seek out Lucia when someone tries to stop me and when I didnt know what to do. It was probably because I trusted Lucia, and she always knew what exactly I wanted. Lucia knew what I wanted and thought better than myself. Moreover, she always stood by my side, regardless of what I said or wanted to do. She wouldntin and protected me whenever I was in danger.


    I think the time advantage in my rtionship with Lucia was what made our rtionship deeper than my rtionship with Nier. Lucia and I didnt need to cling together to share the same thoughts. Lucia and I werent a sweet couple, but the sort of couple that wasparable to a tranquilke, and we had absolute faith in each other.


    I believed Lucia would protect me, and I trusted her to support me. Simrly, Lucia would trust me and walk side by side with me.


    I gave Nier a light hug, and thenforted her in a soft voice: Its all right, Nier. The only reason Lucia and I consult each other often, is because we were always together before, not because I love her more than you. I love you, too, Nier. My love for you is the same as my love for Lucia. I cant say that I can give you exactly what you want, but I can guarantee Ill give you my best the same way I do for Lucia. Nier, I spent a very long time with Lucia. In the past, we were together, but thats fine. We dont have a past, but we have a future. As long as were together, we can be the same, as well.


    Nier softly sobbed and rested her head on my chest. I didnt continue to say anything. I, instead, hugged her tighter and slowly stroked her back and long ck hair. She tightened her arms around me and quietly replied, We will definitely have a future me. We will definitely have a future. I hope there wille a day where you can be by my side when youre confused and lost. I wont make you feel troubled again. I promise to do my best to understand you. I promise Dear, in the future


    There wont be in the future, Nier. Ill always be by your side in the future. I promise. This is thest time Ill be wilful. Believe me, Nier. Ill be by your side in the future. I promise to be by our childs side. I wont endanger myself again. I promise