Chapter 185: Gloria Takes a Break
Sheloran sat, clutching her knees, moping.
Baxlon was wrong, right? She wasn’t a bad person…
Was she?
No. He <em>was</em> wrong! She wasn’t like that! She wasn’t!…
She wasn’t.
<em>You are.</em>
She flinched at the unwanted alien thought.
“Go the poop away,” she muttered as unwanted memories flooded in, and the periphery of her eyes started to ripple and pulse.
“I <em>said</em>… Go. Away.”
Her eyes calmed down.
The memories, however, didn’t disappear. The leering Threen lunging for her, their grasping ws reaching for her extended throat…
Then their screams…
Even now, the memories didn’t frighten her. Well, they did, but not because they were <em>scary</em>. She was never in any real danger. Those Threen were dead the moment she stepped into the restaurant. The only thing undecided was the timing of their deaths, something entirely under <em>her</em> control.
<em>That’s</em> what truly frightened her…
That… and the fact that she <em>liked</em> it…
She liked it a <em>LOT</em>.
But… How?
How could she <em>do</em> that? How could she <em>do</em> any of what she was doing?
It made no sense.
“Oh, Great Prophet,” she whimpered, “what <em>am</em> I?”
She crouched and prayed, begging for answers, guidance… anything…
***
Gloria ran her hand along the <em>magnificent</em> hull of her battered warship.
She just liked the way it felt.
She just wished she knew something, anything about it.
Her eyes turned towards the ripples, bulges, and tears in its hull…
<em>Irreparable</em> ripples, bulges, and tears…
She and the chief had tried everything they had, and nothing could make the goddamn stuff budge.
She made an annoyed little sigh.
“Bunny,” she called out.
“Sheloran is still inpartment J27,” Bunny replied, “she hasn’te out yet.”
“Gah!” Gloria said as she threw a fully discharged sma torch against the bulkhead.
She snarled.
“Right,” she said as she headed towards the hatch leading out of the cargo bay.
“Gloria?” Bunny inquired dubiously, “Where are you going?”
“Where do you think!” Gloria snapped.
“Bad idea, Gloria,” Bunny replied. “She <em>said</em> to give the frog some space.”
“Oh, I’ll give her <em>space</em>,” Gloria replied in a distressingly cheerful tone, “If she doesn’t start talking, I’m going to give her all the <em>space</em> she could possibly want!”
Gloria reached the hatch and tried to open it.
It was locked.
“Bunny...” Gloria said with a dangerous edge to her voice, “Open the fucking door.”
“Look,” Bunny replied, “I wasn’t going to say anything, but what <em>exactly</em> do you have against Sheloran?”
“I’m just sick of her bullshit, that’s all,” Gloria replied as she retrieved the sma cutter and reached for another power cell. “The whole pretty pretty princess bit is getting really stale.”
Gloria returned to the locked hatch and energized the torch.
“Gloria, what are you doing?”
“Cutting this hatch open,” Gloria said with a cute bubbly voice that filled anyone who knew her with dread.
“Endangering the integrity of the ship is a big no-no, and you know it,” Bunny said calmly. “I’ll unlock the hatch, but let’s have a little chat first.
“Chat away.”
“What, <em>exactly</em>, do you have against Sheloran?” Bunny repeated.
“I fucking told you,” Gloria replied as she switched off the torch.
“Gloria,” Bunny said carefully, “After you… after you decided to y dress up and indulge in your diaper fetish, I obtained your service record… your <em>real</em> service record, from the Alduin.”
“You what?!?”
“You were about to kill yourself!” Bunny eximed, “I didn’t know what else to do! I got some real psych and profiling software and—“
“How could you do this to me!” Gloria shouted.
“How could I do this?!?” Bunny shouted back, “How could <em>you</em> do that… to <em>me</em>! You almost… killed yourself… right in front of me! Do you have <em>any</em> idea what that did to me? I felt so… <em>helpless</em>… I kept analyzing the incident over and over and over again, and I couldn’t <em>understand</em>… Do you know what that does to something like me? Do you?!?… I… I had to <em>understand</em>… I had to… So I contacted Alduin… He knows about… about suicide, how to detect it, how to intervene… how to <em>help</em>… I… I couldn’t help you, Gloria.”
Gloria seemed to slump into herself.
“You almost <em>died</em>!” Bunny eximed.
“But you did help me,” Gloria replied, “You stopped me.”
“Only because I had Jon Wintersmith’s manifesto,” Bunny replied in a pained voice, “I didn’t <em>help</em> anything. I just got lucky. If it wasn’t for that, you would have overdosed right in front of me, and we both know it… I’m not going to get lucky a second time, Gloria. What if it isn’t you next time? You aren’t the only person who’s been through the shit, you know. What if it’s She, or Greg… or… or… <em>Jessie</em>… I can’t let that happen!… I HAD TO UNDERSTAND!!!”
“Goddammit...” Gloria muttered. “I’m… I’m sorry, Bunny.”
“Well, you should be!” Bunny replied, “You really fucked me up when you pulled that stunt. Do you have any idea how many indicators and contributing factors this crew has?!? Do you?!? You are all little bundles of self-destruction dancing about without a care in the world… Even… even...”
“Jessie?” Gloria asked.
“Do you have any idea what she’s been through?” Bunny asked in an anguished voice. “If <em>you</em> can’t handle <em>your</em> life…”
“Jessie is a survivor,” Gloria said confidently, “...<em>the</em> survivor… She’s a lot stronger than I will ever be. You don’t need to worry about her. She’ll be fine.”
“I didn’t think I needed to worry about you.”
“Then you aren’t the brightest calctor in the drawer,” Gloria replied.
“Yeah,” Bunny replied, “I know that <em>now</em>. You were practically screaming that you were about to break ever since <em>The White Star.</em> If I knew then what I know now, I would have gotten you help… somehow… I’m sorry I failed you, Gloria.”
“Listen!” Gloria eximed, <em>”You</em> did NOT fail me, alright. <em>I</em> failed me. I failed me a <em>long</em> time ago. I failed… so many… Do you have <em>any</em> idea how many people, <em>innocent people</em>, I’ve killed?” Gloria asked in an anguished voice.
“Unfortunately,” Bunny said, “I only have your records from the <em>Alduin</em>. However, I am familiar with the Reapers and what they did during the Federation War… It was war, Gloria. It was war, and you were a member of the Republic Navy.”
“Yeah,” Gloria said bitterly, “just following orders… Fifty million of them… I still see them… In my mind… I still hear the screams… every… fucking… day...”
Gloria sat down with her back against the hatch.
“Every… day...” Gloria sighed. “I envy you, you know, your ability to switch things off.”
“Does it <em>sound</em> like I can magically switch things off, bitch?” Bunny snarked. “Ever since you made suicide ‘real’, I’ve been checking every single one of you asshats hundreds of times a day, even when you are sleeping.”
“Well, that’s not creepy at all.”
“Fuck you… <em>princess</em>...”
Gloriaughed.
“God, I <em>hated</em> that name,” she chuckled. “Not that it wasn’t deserved… I was <em>such</em> a prissy little princess back then.”
“I could barely recognize you,” Bunny snorted. “Talk about creepy.”
“Oh, the Navy was one great fun-filled adventure,” Gloria sneered, “Of course, back then, before the bug, it was. It was just one big game for the little rich girl who didn’t feel like going to work at the family business.”
“Why Morays, if you don’t mind me asking,” Bunny asked.
“It was the only way in,” Gloria chuckled ruefully, “The Navy had its fill of ‘gentleperson adventurers’, and a fucking Samuels was thest thing they wanted in the ranks ‘taking a career from a real officer’. Being xen on top of everything else certainly didn’t help, either. However, Moray berths were always open, so I took one. It’s not like I was actually going to see action. We had been at peace for over a century. Besides, Morays were ‘exciting’, and there was a ‘dangerous mystique’ even back then. I felt ‘badass’,” she added with a snort. “I just wanted to fly ships, that’s all. Once I was in, I qualified for anything they would let me fly.”
“… likending shuttles?” Bunny asked carefully.
“Read that part too, did you?” Gloria smirked, “Yeah, likending shuttles, ground transports, any small ship, really. It didn’t matter to me as long as I could fly.” She shook her head.
“It doesn’t even seem real now, you know,” she sighed. “I was such a… <em>princess</em>… God, I was a moron.”
Gloria hopped up.
“Ok, enough therapy,” she smiled, “I have a frog to talk to.”
“I’m not entirely sure that’s a good idea, Gloria.”
“Meh,” Gloria shrugged, “You made your point. I’ll be nice.”
There was a click as the hatch unlocked.
***
Sheloran was still sitting in a little wad of misery when a knock interrupted her self-pity party.
“Go away,” she said glumly.
“No!” Gloria cheerfully replied. “You’ve been sitting in there for what now, a day? At least go to your quarters, maybe get something to eat. You little freaks <em>do</em> eat, right?”
“Leave me alone!”
“I brought goodies,” Gloria said, “premium treats from Mother Mars herself!”
Gloria shook a bag suggestively.
“They’re good.”
“I’m not hungry,” Sheloran moped, “Go away.”
“Ok,” Gloria said, “What’s eating you.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I wouldn’t understand,” Gloria smirked, “I wouldn’t understand someone having a monster in them that they can barely control on a good day? One that takes over no matter how bad you try to stop it? One that leaves you standing in a room full of dead people, some of which you honestly didn’t want to kill? One that eats you a little bit more every fucking day until it’s all that’s left?”
Gloriaughed ruefully.
“Oh, I have <em>no</em> idea what that’s like,” she snorted.
The door slowly opened, revealing Sheloran staring at her with huge eyes.
With a speed that took Gloria entirely by surprise, Sheloran lunged out and hugged her.
“I’m so scared!” Sheloran eximed.
“Yeah,” Gloria said as she patted Sheloran’s back, “I know.”
Gloria offered Sheloran a brown paper bag.
“Here, eat a bug.”