Chapter 1489


    When she said those words, Celeste felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It was as if


    a gap had been pried open, revealing the meshes of repressed feelings that nestled deep inside her


    heart.


    She felt so much lighter and looked at Gary with a gentler gaze.


    "There are many problems between the two of us. Maybe you don''t think so, but I really feel like our


    rtionship is a disaster."


    "A disaster?"


    Gary was shocked. He never thought she would use such a word to describe their rtionship.


    Gary''s first reaction was to retort, but he held himself back.


    He looked at Celeste quietly, and there was a sh of disgruntlement in his eyes, but he held his


    temper and said, "Well, tell me, how are we a disaster?"


    "I have no confidence." Celeste could tell from his tone of voice that he was doubtful and


    displeased. He was puzzled and at her words, but he was enduring it.


    She knew in her heart that Gary was trying really hard. He was trying to amodate her.


    She felt terrible.


    She had wronged him when he was trying to match up with her. She wasn''t qualified to be his


    girlfriend.


    Gary frowned and asked, "Celeste, why do you not feel confident?"


    "Because I''m not outstanding enough. Do you understand?" She felt inexplicably inferior, like she


    wasn''t strong enough to be by his side.


    Gary shook his head. "I don''t understand. Why would you say that about yourself? You''re an


    outstanding girl to me."


    Celeste gave an ashen smile. "I don''t have much confidence when ites to staying calm like


    you. When I''m with you, I can keep up with your footsteps, but I''m not strong enough to remain as


    composed as you."


    "I''ve been questioning myself. Can I really be your girlfriend? I''m not who I once was, do you


    understand how I feel?"


    "Every time I start questioning you or myself, I start feeling irritated, I don''t know what to do."


    "Whenever we run into something, I''m either questioning you or myself. I''m afraid ofing back to


    the same dilemma, or that I''ll be someone even worse."


    "I am afraid that you''ll hate me, because every time you''re angry with me, you''llfort me, but you


    don''t have the patience nor are you willing to tell me whatever it is you''re up to."


    Gary was stunned. He couldn''t quite understand Celeste''s thoughts.


    "And you''re leaving tomorrow, so all I want to say is, you should think about our rtionship when


    you get back. If you think we can stay together, then we''ll stay together. But if you think we can''t,


    you can tell me straight. There''s no need to force yourself." After careful consideration, Celeste


    made her choice. "I won''t me you. We can go back to the way we were before. Even if we''re not


    together, I''ll wish you the best."


    "What do you mean that I don''t need to force myself?" Gary frowned when he heard that. "Do you


    think that I''m just messing around with you? Do you think that I didn''t give it a careful-enough


    thought when I asked you to be my girlfriend?"


    "No, that''s not what I meant." Celeste shook his head, feeling a little dejected.


    "Alright then, tell me, what do you mean?" Gary punctuated his sentence word by word, holding in


    his temper.


    "I''m just saying that we should consider our rtionship carefully. Are wepatible enough for us


    to stay together?" Celeste was ever so gentle. "We should reflect on this seriously. Gary, I''m not


    trying to be emotional about this. I''m just trying to calmly talk about these things. Don''t get angry all


    because I''m saying things you don''t want to hear."


    "I''m not angry." Gary said in a deep voice, "My heart just feels uneasy."


    Celeste pursed his lips and said softly, "You''re a proud person. On so many asions, when you


    don''t want to listen to me, you''ll keep thinking you''re right."


    Was that how it was?


    Gary frowned slightly.


    "Perhaps you''re right. It seems like it''s hard for you to be with me." Gary said softly. He never


    thought about this before, but now, he had to reflect on it.


    Celeste''s absent reply acted as a silent agreement.


    It was true that she was strained sometimes.


    Love is fickle, you worry about what you may or may not have, it''s bound to be exhausting.


    Seeing Celeste''s silence, Garyughed and said,


    "Looks like you still have more thoughts in your head. But I can tell you why I''m angry, Celeste."


    Celeste was surprised and looked at him instinctively.


    "Because my heart has never thought of anyone else. The woman I love has always been you, and


    I''ve always thought we werepatible. Every time I got mad at you was because I felt like you


    didn''t understand me." Heughed in mockery at himself with eyes full of destion.


    He looked like he had been wronged.


    "You didn''t understand me", those four simple words shocked Celeste. Her eyes were full of hurt,


    her whole body was stiff, and all her attention was focused on those four words. After a long while,


    she snapped out of her daze.


    She nodded gingerly. "That''s right, I don''t understand you, I never understood you."


    Gary looked at her as she lowered her eyes. His long eyshes trembled faintly andughed self-


    mockingly as he said, "Perhaps we care more about ourselves, you and I."


    Celeste was stunned for a moment. When he looked up, she saw his eyes were filled with sorrow.


    She nodded. "Yes, maybe I have never understood you, and maybe I never will."


    After speaking, her eyes started stinging and she wanted to cry. She didn''t want to show him how


    useless she was.


    She lowered her eyes and didn''t dare to look at him again.


    They''ve been entangled together for such a long time, but they''ve had more conflicts in the past


    monthpared to thest four years. If they were going to continue being this awkward, it might


    be the best for them to take a break and calm themselves.


    However, as soon as they thought about separating, they felt ufortable.


    "That''s right. You''re right." Gary looked down at her lowered head. When he saw how tightly she


    pursed her lips, he started to understand the myriad of emotions she was experiencing.


    Sighing, Gary said, "I''ll start thinking about all of this as soon as I get back, then we can tell. If you


    really want to leave me, well, I can''t just tie you up for myself."


    Perhaps he didn''t want to fight anymore. Gary was also very tired.


    He had always looked too deep into things, and he always felt like everything was under control. He


    deeply considered what Ernest had said to him before and thought about its reasoning, which was


    why he decided to start reflecting on the rtionship between him and Celeste.


    "I''ll pack up my things and leave tomorrow. You can stay here without worries. If you want to return


    to London, go ahead. If you don''t want to, stay here." Gary''s tone was gentle. "Even if you don''t


    want to be my girlfriend, you''ll still be somewhat of a sister to me. I''ll always take care of you."


    Celeste drooped her eyes, and tears came pouring out.


    She didn''t know why she was feeling this crestfallen. She felt like she had said something wrong.


    There was finally a little step of improvement, and yet the oue became this way because of her.


    Maybe they really weren''tpatible enough to be in a rtionship.


    She couldn''t speak. She didn''t know what to say.


    Gary also felt dejected. Whenever he opened his mouth, the two of them would always start


    quarreling. Their current state would only ruin their rtionship even further. He didn''t think it was a


    good idea to continue arguing like this.


    He thought of taking a step back for the sake of advancing.


    Celeste didn''t say a word. Her tears kept falling as they dripped down.


    Gary was shocked still as he looked at her.


    He clenched his fists at his side, restrained himself, and sighed. "Why are you crying?"


    Celeste shook her head and said in a choked voice, "I''m not crying."


    She was just heartbroken. She was so heartbroken she didn''t know what to say.


    Gary felt helpless as he gazed deeply at the stubborn girl in front of him. He sighed, "I don''t know


    what led you to this state, but after thinking about it, I''vee to surmise that it''s because I didn''t


    give you enough security. I''ve reflected on it, and I agree that I''ve never considered how you might


    feel. I don''t know if you''ll like this n of mine."


    "I''ve always thought the decisions I''ve made for us were for the better, but in your opinion that might


    not be the case, so I''ll think about what you''ve said. I won''t brush you off, I''ll reflect on all of this


    seriously."


    Upon hearing what he said, Celeste raised her weeping head with tears streaming down her face.


    Gary''s eyes tightened as he watched her cry. He couldn''t bear to see her like this.


    He gazed deeply at her, then got up and walked over in the spur of the moment. Without saying a


    word, he stood in front of her, lowered his head, held Celeste''s face, and kissed her.


    They hadn''t been intimate for a few days, and the thoughts they''ve been having for the past few


    days erupted in a sh.


    He hugged Celeste tightly.


    He didn''t want her to cry. His heart wasn''t that cold.


    As soon as he saw her crying, he couldn''t help it.


    He hugged and kissed her fervently for several minutes before releasing Celeste. He gently ced


    his hand on her forehead and said, "Don''t cry. Once you cry, I won''t be able to control myself. I want


    you."


    Celeste froze for a split second, and she shed even more tears.


    Gary watched her tears fall and said softly, "You''re still crying? Do you want me to stay with you?


    You don''t want me to let go? Or are you too embarrassed to tell me?"


    She cried even more.


    "Celeste, you know I can''t stop your tears." Gary muttered as he wiped away her tears with his big


    hands. "I''ll only be more rash when you''re like this."


    Celeste only cried harder.


    "I''m so sorry, it''s all my fault. Don''t cry, Celeste, it''s all my fault." He apologized.


    "No, no, I never said it was your fault." Celeste cried and shook her head. "I felt like I was at fault


    because of my own limitations. I was the one who made our rtionship like this."


    Celeste was an incoherent mess, she hoped Gary would be able to understand what she was trying


    to say.


    "I think we shouldn''t be like this every time we meet each other. It''s like our rtionship is only built


    on our bodies rather than our emotional connection. That''s what I''m worried about."


    Gary trembled slightly as he hugged her.


    Although she couldn''t bear it anymore, she continued speaking softly, "Okay, I respect your


    decisions. Since you really don''t want it to be like this, then let''s try harder tomunicate


    mindfully, okay?"


    He wanted to make out with her before he left that night.


    However, Celeste''s words made him re-examine himself.


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    Since they hadn''t been together for the past two days, he had to restrain himself. Wouldn''t it be the


    same as when they couldn''t meet for those four


    years? There was nothing Gary couldn''t do.


    Holding Celeste''s hand, he took her upstairs and said, "I''m going to pack up. Can you do me a


    favor?"