Chapter 7: 6- Cut


    Even though I was tiredying there, I couldn’t sleep. So I thought. I thought about Alpha Chris and


    how I managed to be here.


    To me it was odd, I couldn’t remember Alpha Dereking to the pack, but I remember seeing his


    eyes. I barely remembered the hospital, but I remembered the sparks when he grabbed me. I don''t


    remember a lot of my childhood, but Alpha Chris was burned into my mind.


    His hands, eyes, hair, smell, height, voice, everything about him. I hated it. I couldn’t stand him.


    ''But you think about him?''


    ...It’s not like-...


    ''Okay slut, then-''


    A knock sounded at the door. I quickly got up, earning a headache from moving too fast, and rushed to


    the door. When I opened it Beta Mallory was standing there.


    “Hey Violet, you ready?” He asked in a lighter voice.


    I nodded and he took me down to the kitchen. We sat at the table where food was already set out. I


    noticed my te had less food on it than his and I was grateful because I would feel bad wasting more


    food.


    He started small conversations while we were eating. I finished quickly, likest time and soon the food


    was taken and he walked us out to the living room.


    He sat on the sofa with a clipboard and told me to sit with him because he had something to talk to me


    about.


    “Violet, do you remember I said we talk about your clothes. Now- Violet, it would make me feel like


    you’re listening if you looked at me, or at least up.” He wasn’t mean when he corrected me. I looked up


    at him and he gave a soft smile.


    “So, I’m going to ask you some questions about your sizes and what you prefer to wear. I’m going to


    assume you’re a small, yes?” He questioned.


    I nodded.


    “Alright and how about shoe size, and bra size?” I felt slightly unco- well more ufortable at that


    question. I simply shrugged because, in truth, I didn’t know.


    “That’s okay, someone can size youter…” He wrote down on his clipboard and my eyes couldn’t help


    but stare.


    I know if I was with Alpha Chris I would’ve been pped unconscious for starring.


    ''Why is he any different?''


    ''Don’t be so fucking disrespectful, you bitch!''


    ...I’m sorry…


    ''Don’t be sorry, be better.''


    Alpha Chris’s famous words to me rang in my head and my eyes immediately fell from Beta Mallory’s


    clipboard to my own hands positioned in myp.


    My interest in what Beta Mallory was talking about seemed to be slipping like sand through a sieve. My


    mind started to wander to my abuser. Not in the affection way, or in the way that I’m missing him but in


    a fearful manner because I felt so lost in what was happening.


    Where was he?


    Was he close to me?


    Is he on his way to find me?


    My mind physically hurt, I couldn’t deal with it.


    ''You can’t deal with anything.''


    ...Shut up!...


    “Violet.” Beta Malloy’s voice snapped me back to reality, and I nced up at him “I asked you, do you


    have any preferences when ites to clothing? Like shorts or pants or like, short-sleeved shirts…”


    He trailed off with his question, hoping I got what he wanted.


    Please check at N/?vel(D)rama.Org.


    I was hesitant with my answer, “um, l-long-sleeved s-shirts a-and p-pants…” I spoke in a low voice and


    I felt selfish for having a preference for what to wear. I felt like I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted,


    no, I knew I didn’t deserve it.


    I chose long-sleeved shirts to hide my scars, especially my wrist. And pants, the same reason. I didn’t


    have too many scars on my legs, I was just insecure.


    “Alright,” he wrote on his clipboard and again my eyes became glued to it. “Violet, how about


    nightwear? Any preference, the same…?”


    I shrugged my shoulders, I felt like I was already too much of a snob. I knew I should’ve just kept my


    mouth shut.


    ''Oh, Violet, you can keep your mouth shut?''


    ''You always had it open for Chris…''


    ...That...that’s not-''


    ''Shut up.''


    ''Your bruised knees speak for themselves.''


    ''Yeah, and even when your mouth wasn’t on his dick, you always knew how to talk too much.''


    ...I-...


    ''Shut up, you tramp!''


    ''Too bad Chris never disciplined you enough to learn to shut up…''


    “Violet, you’re crying.” Beta Mallory, for the second time today snapped me out of my thoughts.


    I brought a hand up to my cheek to only be greeted with wetness. I was crying. I stumbled out an


    apology.


    ''Don’t you know how to keep your mouth shut!''


    “Violet, do you want to go upstairs or something?” His voice had a gentle tone to it.


    ''Cut.''


    I nodded my head and sniffled as we got up.


    ''Cut.''


    He led me up the stairs and to my room.


    ''Cut.''


    He shut the door and I immediately ran to the bathroom. I noticed that the bathroom has been stocked


    with some beauty products.


    ''Cut.''


    I practically yanked open the cabs and drawers till I found it. Something sharp. Shaving razors. It


    seemed like the moon goddess was on my side because sitting right beside the pack of razors were


    de refills.


    I smiled.


    My brain was pounding, my headache growing and it seemed like my hands weren’t moving fast


    enough.


    They fumbled along with the boxes and it spurted open like a can of worms. I grabbed a razor, closing


    the drawer, and sat on the ground by the tub. I quickly looked over to see if the door was locked. It was.


    ''Cut goddammit!''


    I did. I put it and slid it along my skin. A relieved sigh escaped from my lips.


    ''Good.''


    I made mark after mark. Scar after scar. I didn’t stop until the voice in my head told me we were good.


    Bit by bit I got up and cleaned my mess. I figured I couldn’t get their white towels dirty, so I used some


    toilet paper and flushed it.


    I washed my cuts and noticed the small crosses made in years time. They were formed when I started


    to do both horizontal and vertical cuts.


    ''Very pleasing.''


    A sense of satisfaction washed over me at the voice''s approval.


    I pulled down my sleeves and went to lie down.


    After a few hours, a tapping came at the door.


    I went to answer it, and there was Beta Mallory. He gave a small smile, “dinner time!”


    I followed him down and sat with him. I barely touched the food, even though I knew I needed it after


    just losing blood, I couldn’t find it in me to eat.


    Beta Mallory didn’t really speak, but I felt his eyesight on my wrists. They were wrapped and I had a


    shirt over it but I didn’t put it past his Beta self to not smell the blood. .After we were done, he walked


    me back up to the room.


    I felt exhausted so I walked over to the spot on the floor. It was on the right side of the bed on the floor,


    so when you opened the door, you wouldn’t see me. Iid and I knew that no matter how exhausted I


    felt, I wouldn''t be able to sleep tonight.


    If I wasn’t blessed with nightmares in my sleep, I didn’t get any sleep. Lovely insomnia. Truly amazing.


    My eyes were burning and I felt light-headed through-out the whole night. But I never got to close my


    eyes and drift away.