Chapter 178


    “You think marrying me changes anything, Cam? It’s paper, nothing else. It won’t change anything


    about us. Everything I said still stands. You can still walk away if this doesn’t work out and get


    everything I promised, and more. I’m not going to turn into some domineering psycho that chains you to


    the kitchen sink. Marriage means something to me. I want to make you happy and I wouldn’t jeopardise


    what we have for anything.” His soft voice lulls me into quiet, and even though the tears still roll down


    my face, I finally calm. Soothed by his husky voice and the way it washes over me like a gentle


    summer breeze on a hot day. My lighthouse in the dark.


    “I never got to choose. I have no memory of any of it. No proposal, no wedding, nothing. Just a


    hangover and a piece of paper signed by fucking Elvis. It’s devastating. I just woke up belonging to you


    legally and that’s it. Just your possession … like I was to him. Something to be passed around and


    caged, trapped … controlled.” The raw rasp as my words fall out of their own ord. Whole truths, no


    hiding, even though it’s painful to say it. I shiver with the thought of that monster again and blink him


    out of my mind’s eye.


    This time Alexi sighs and pulls my chin up slightly so I’m looking up into those endless pale greys head


    on. So animal-like in many ways, yet also perfect and alluring and the grounding magic for me. I could


    stare into those eyes for ever and a day and never get bored of looking at them. They are most


    definitely his best feature, even though they can also make him the most terrifying at times. Right now,


    they hold me still, captive to him and he traces my cheekbone down to my jawline tenderly. Igniting that


    familiar stomach of tingles and butterflies, drawing me to that sense of safety.


    “I didn’t even think of it that way. I’m sorry. You’re not a possession, you’re my soul and the most


    precious thing I have in my life. I’ll make that up to you, I swear. We just need to use it to our advantage


    in the meantime and take it one day at a time. When you see that all it changes are the things which


    benefit you, then maybe it won’t seem so huge, so scary. I don’t own you. I never will. Marriage isn’t


    about that for me, I’m not my cousins. You will always be the one who calls the shots, even if I like to


    pretend I’m in charge. You own me, London, heart and soul. I could never hurt you again, it would kill


    me.”


    His words cause a lump to catch in my throat and my heart to constrict with deep emotion, all while


    soothing my frazzled nerves, bringing rational thought back, and I rest against him so helplessly. My


    temple finding the hollow against his corbone and I tuck my head under his chin like a child. Curling


    up small to take what I need from him when I feel like I’ve been cast loose on a stormy sea.


    “This is all so overwhelming for someone like me. I have hang-ups and issues, Lexi, all of them pointed


    at a life with no man calling the shots—ever. I have never seen a healthy marriage up close. All the


    men who used my services were married, sexist pricks and screwing around behind their wives’ backs


    while dominating them in life. They lost their identity, their voices, their sense of worth. Hardly a great


    example of what marriage is. Marriage is something I never wanted and just feared what it would be.”


    “You think I nned a wedding? Until you, Cam, I didn’t even n on a steady lover. I never fucked the


    same woman regrly beyond a couple of weeks. This is all new to me too. You broke all the rules for


    me in so many ways and we make this what we want it to be, together. We decide what marriage is to


    us. I promise you … I won’t be like those men.”


    “Mr Carrero, we are at your destination.” The driver''s voicees over the in-car tannoy system,


    interrupting us, putting an abrupt end to our conversation and we both sit up a little. Alexi frowns at the


    faceless voice, irritation peeking because he obviously needs more time with me.


    “Great.” He responds into the air and scoops me into a bear hug so tight it’s an inch away from


    breaking ribs. A final reassurance before showtime because we can’t sit in here indefinitely and he


    knows it as well as I do. Disappointment floods me as I realise this is what I needed. This side of him


    cutting through my panic and holding me still. I’m not ready to let go.


    “One day at a time. One step at a time. Nothing changes except your name and that’s for your benefit.


    We can talk more after we get back to the hotel, but right now, baby, I need you toe in and look at


    this ce with me. I need you to be the queen I know you can be. Put on a face and act like you want


    to be here. Can you do that for me? We won’t be long and then you can fall apart again right after. It’s


    my job to pick up your pieces and we can get through this.” There is an undertone of pleading as his


    embrace ckens, his words mending some of my shattered heart and I sniff back, swallowing my


    upset and ster a small smile on my face. Weak from my outburst but he has dispelled so many


    demonic voices that were wing my brain apart.


    “I can do that for you.” I sound like a little girl promising a parent to be better after a scolding. Watery,


    sniffly and just very vulnerable. Alexi is treating me with kid gloves and brushes my tears away softly.


    “I never doubted it.” He kisses me on the tip of my nose, pulling a smile from me unexpectedly. Such a


    goofy and weirdly sweet kiss and I give him onest cuddle, wiping my face as I do so on the back of


    my hand.


    The car pulls to a sudden stop and Alexi deposits me back on my seat, clumsily wiping my face for me


    once more which I know must be awful. It’s a paternal tenderness and brings a brighter, genuine smile


    to my face. My whole demeanour finding something to hold on to and maintain some serenity this time.


    My mascara and eyeshadow must be running everywhere, and God knows how intact my eyeliner is. I


    try to pull myself together, dabbing my eyes and face and wiping underneath them with practised


    fingers to try and remove the worst of my runny makeup. Alexi smooths my hair down with ast


    appraisal over me and then turns as his door is opened and gets out, stopping just outside to extend a


    hand to me and I follow obediently.


    No hesitation in his touch anymore. Calmer because I no longer feel as threatened by him and logic


    has a better foundation on which to perch.


    He takes my hand in his as I slide the rest of the way over the seat and step outside to straighten up.


    instinctively smoothing my dress as I go. Before I get to move past him, he steps in and bends to kiss


    me on the mouth so gently it’s almost nothing, just a graze of lips, but it sends my heart hammering


    through my chest in a pleasant frenzy of tingles and flutters. It brings me back to reality further, shutting


    the door on a million ghosts clutching at the depths of my soul.


    He is blocking my path and giving us a moment to leave that little scene in the car behind us. He’s


    closing a metaphorical ck hole for me. Brushing it aside so I can adopt my game face and do what


    he needs.


    “You look beautiful, as always. Smile and look adoring, London. We have a casino to buy.” He kisses


    me on my forehead, this time with more pressure, a firm reassurance, before stepping aside, locking


    our fingers together firmly and leading the way. My body pulled against his side so we are touching as


    much as is humanly possible, and I take strength from his natural warmth and strong build.


    I do exactly as he says. Suck it up and present that seasoned actress I spent a lifetime perfecting, to


    the world. Lift that defiant chin with as much confidence as I can muster.


    All I can focus on is being what he needs me to be right now. A role to y. An old familiar habit to


    detract me from reality for a little while.


    I can do this.


    We are outside the covered entrance to a very huge and morous building that’s as intimidating as he


    can be. It’s dated but you have all the basics of luxury and opulence in the entranceway, including


    doormen and valet parking. I eye up the hustle and bustle of people milling around for such an early


    hour and take it as a good sign there is life and money in this building yet.


    I cling to Alexi’s hand, trying to look and feel more human but rely on him fully for my strength. A


    complete contrast to the journey over here, and I swallow down the messy, tangled brain waves to get


    on track. Steadier legs, lungs freeing up enough to breathe. Eyes scanning the building and giving me


    a focus that strengthens my ability to pull myself together.


    The colour scheme is pretty ancient, in golds, reds and burgundies that look worn, it’s reflected in the


    carpets and walls and in need of a repaint. It’s ssic casino from the nies and I can see wear and


    tear on every surface as we venture inside. Chipping paint, scuffed brass fittings, and faded threadbare


    patches across the sea of gross, swirling patterned shag pile that goes beyond the horizon.


    My head forgets all the previous emotion, locking it all down into a neat little box forter while my


    designer and critical business eye move in, pushing everything else aside. That numb calm that is a


    weing feeling.


    It has potential, really nice fixtures and fittings that could use a refurb to bring the gold hue back to what


    it once was. Huge chandeliers but very tired and could use a polish and possible upgrade. The


    ambience is depressing with way too many low lights and a stale smoke and booze odour throughout


    the grand room. The windows are all covered in heavy curtains that should be opened with sheers and


    framed with something more luxurious to bring some brightness into this space.


    Despite the shoddy décor, the ce is heaving, even for an early weekend morning, and the noise of


    slot machines ringing from my left pull my eyes to a huge area filled with rows and rows of them. Décor


    matching the room we are in.


    “Mr Carrero.” A voice drags my attention back to the suited middle-aged man approaching us,


    apanied by matching ck-suited men that are not a patch on Alexi’s normal security. Theyck


    the build and intimidating look of Carrero. You can tell they are probably a bunch of pussy cats and not


    really all that effective.


    All wearing cheap suits and overly serious expressions, pretending to be far meaner than they are. It’s


    all just posturing and hardly effective when you’ve been in the presence of real terrifying men. Alexi


    doesn’t let go of my hand, just steps forward and extends his other to shake the hand of short guy with


    the overly white teeth. He’s pushing his fifties but trying to stay young with cosmetic help and a bad


    haircut that tries to conceal his balding head. The teeth look as fake as his tan.


    “Mr Rogers. This is Cami, my wife.” Alexi sounds almost proud when he says it and it does weird


    things to my insides. That breathy intake of panic at that alien word; I inhale slowly to counteract it. I


    don’t outwardly react though, just smile and extend a hand when he moves to me with an offered


    handshake. Keeping myself in check and showing nothing of the war those words inflicted on me. He


    has the grace to ignore my obvious patchy makeup job and smiles politely.


    A mmy, sweaty, warm, squelching embrace, palm to palm that tells me this guy is shitting himself


    right now and riddled with nerves. I watch him a little more closely as he steps away, releasing my now


    moist hand and his eyes dart back to Alexi.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    All the signs on show, sweating, breathless, antsy behaviour and overly loud volume when talking. He’s


    either scared of my man or this deal means way more than I expected. He isn’t a match to my cool,


    controlled, crazy to my left. Alexi looks amused by the obvious show of submission and I know his


    sadistic side will get a kick out of the unintentional intimidation. He is a cocky arse sometimes, and he


    loves nothing more than showing off his prowess of alpha with inferior men like this. He oozes that sort


    ofmand that most men seem to pick up on.


    “Pleasure.” Sweaty smiles quickly at me but it’s an uninterested pause before he waves at the foyer


    behind him and ushers us to where he ventured from. His full interest is on Alexi and his approval and


    I’m a secondary annoyance in his day. Another man that sees women as worthless objects to bang. I’m


    d a Carrero of Alexi’s choosing will rece him.


    “Let’s start upstairs in the observation area, that way you can get a bird’s-eye view and we will take it


    from there.” He points up at the very high ceiling to a weird half circle area with endless mirrors along


    one corner of the room, and Alexi nods. It’s obviously a secure room to spy on clientele from the


    clouds.


    “Sure. My wife could use a ss of something cold and maybe a sandwich before we start, she isn’t


    feeling very well and skipped breakfast. If you have a room, she can go freshen up too?” Alexi turns to


    me with that deadpan expression but his tightening sp on my hand tells me he is trying to make me


    feel important. Putting my needs before all, and the request for a powder room is because he knows


    I’m feeling underdressed and grubby with my tear-stained face.


    He didn’t like the obvious dismissal of my presence and is regaining his position as the dominant.


    Enforcing that his wife is just as crucial to this as he is and herfort trumps all in this room. My


    insides warm at his attention, anotheryer of anxiety sliding away and releasing me from that internal


    heaviness. No master would make a point of putting his possession’s needs first in a business meeting


    of importance.


    I love him.


    Sweaty looks constipated suddenly, and I guess it pisses him off that he will have to pander to the


    woman before Lord Alexi budges on a tour.


    I sigh and squeeze his hand back, feeling for the first time what being a queen is like. Equal importance


    in the eye of the King. No one else gets to dismiss her, even if she isn’t important to the scenario. I’m


    no longer an invisible female in a room of men. All eyes are on me.


    I know my job and it’s not to embarrass him in front of these men, it’s to make him proud of his choice


    in a mate. Prove that I’m worthy of standing by his side when he wants me to.


    I ster on my best, award-winning and seductive smile, tilt my shoulders back to straighten my


    posture and stand tall as I lift that chin. Sweeping my red hair back over my shoulder gracefully and fix


    the little greaseball firmly with my eye.


    “That would be awesome, I’m so hungover from this madman’s drinking shenanigansst night. Just


    can’t keep pace with him. He’s a devil, I swear.” I purr demurely, old Cami moving in with ease now


    she has a role to y and knows what’s expected of her.


    Schmooze and charm, be the adoring wife and help him see the possibility in this very huge building. I


    can do this with my eyes closed.


    Easy.


    Alexi rxes so slightly that I’m the only one in the room who catches the way his stiff posture loosens


    a little. That sexy intense way he’s pinning me with soulless eyes softens and he turns to the man with


    a confident smile as baldy nods ecstatically. Falling over himself to meet our demands.