《The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance)》


 Chapter 1: 1

    Chapter 1: 1


    I turn in the ufortable, hard bed pulling the sheets up over the itchy hospital gown and try not to


    wince with every single pain that runs through my body. Even with the number of drugs they have


    pumped into me, it¡¯s no pic having broken ribs and a body that looks like it lost a fight with a train.


    I¡¯m in agony and barely able to take a breath without the aching, burning shuddering waves, of a good


    old-fashioned beating.


    Tyler and his men are animals and I hate to think where I would be if Sophie had left me to them; what


    was inevitably myst night on Earth if they had their way. The girl didn¡¯t owe me a damn thing, but she


    saved my bacon, and now I will be eternally grateful to her even if we never see one another again.


    I¡¯m woozy, waking with the throbbing of pain after a fitful few hours dozing in and out of sleep. I feel like


    I have been here days already, even though I know the reality is, it¡¯s only been half a day.


    Sophie is probably long gone with her boyfriend and my name banished for all eternity for getting her


    caught up in my mess. Owing drug dealers a lot of money and not having the means to pay for it, is not


    something everyday girls want to deal with. Getting kidnapped off the street by thugs and threatened


    with imminent death will be a second to that.


    I am just lucky she had a rich boyfriend who is rted to New York¡¯s biggest gangster; Alexi Carrero,


    and now, I guess I owe him my debt.


    A shadow in the corner of my room startles me out of thest ounces of sleep as I jump in fright, my


    heart racing and plummeting into instant trembles, to see what looks like a man standing by my window


    near the door. It¡¯s hard to make out properly with one eye swollen shut and the other barely able to


    focus in the darkness. The moonlit sky outside is illuminating him from behind so that to me, all I get is


    a sinister silhouette of a veryrge male, who is more than a little intimidating.


    Standing tall and broad, taking up the small space with an aura of authority, and yet he is so very eerily


    still, staring at me silently; it¡¯s almost like he¡¯s a statue.


    ¡®¡®I didn¡¯t mean to startle you, Miss Walters.¡¯¡¯ The smooth tone of a man inplete control, husky with


    a hint of an ent that isn¡¯t quite New York. Foreign maybe, and so slight it¡¯s only there in the odd little


    word, almost smothered out by a more upper-ss City dialect. It¡¯s as though he¡¯s spent years here but


    maybe wasn¡¯t born here.


    ents are kind of my thing, seeing as my own very upper crust London one stands out a mile when


    surrounded by tough New Yorkers. I made sure over the years that it never faded, and I avoided taking


    on American ng to avoid it.


    My heart immediately shudders at where I¡¯ve heard that specific ent before, at who this must be,


    and I blink as I try to make out his form a little more. Reaching for themp beside my bed and


    struggling to find where the nurse pushed the damn button control when she settled me for the night. I


    clear my throat nervously, heart hammering away in my chest, and struggle to try and sit, making a


    complete mess of doing so while wriggling about in the most excruciating manner. It¡¯s painful as hell


    and my poor bones feel like I am putting them through a rigorous ordeal.


    ¡®¡®Please ¡­ don¡¯t move on my ount. I only came to see that you were being cared for. We can talk


    another time when you are recovered.¡¯¡¯ He moves away from the window, and I catch more of him in


    the light, confirming exactly who this is. I would recognise that physique and profile anywhere, after


    seeing him out there walking through his minions and Tyler¡¯s men like the Kingpin of New York.


    He isn¡¯t someone you would ever forget in a hurry.


    Alexi Carrero himself towers by the end of my bed and turns to me for a moment, stealth like a panther,


    so fluid and graceful in his movements. My breath halting in my lungs as my body shivers


    apprehensively; he just oozes danger andmand so effortlessly that I can almost feel it in the room


    around me. This is a man I know I should be very afraid of, and I am.


    Physically recoiling back into my sheets involuntarily as he moves a tad closer, my heart elevates and


    my breath hitches in nervousness. My whole body turns mmy.


    ¡®¡®I ¡­ I ¡­ Wasn¡¯t expecting anyone in here sote.¡¯¡¯ I struggle to get the words out, sounding raspy and


    hoarse, my throat burning with the effort after spending my first hour here throwing up blood and


    phlegm while they tried to assess the damage to my body. It¡¯s not exactly my crowning moment and


    you really do not want to be in this sort of state while meeting an Adonis who just saved your life.


    ¡®¡®I was passing by, checking in to see that all is being taken care of. Your bills will being to me and


    upon your release, we shall talk. We have some arrangements to discuss concerning our new


    rtionship.¡¯¡¯ He is smooth and calm, almost like he¡¯s amused, but not being able to see his face is


    making this whole thing utterly terrifying. He has the air of sinister alright, that vibe of someone who will


    put a bullet in your head as fast as look at you, and I am not sure I want to be left alone with him. He¡¯s


    unnerving in a very intense way for someone not actually doing anything.


    Not much makes me this nervous in life; I came from the streets, I lived through hell and have met my


    fair share of cruel and evil men, but this one is like meeting the devil himself. He is doing nothing


    purposely or outwardly to make me afraid of him, but the atmosphere is sizzling with something that


    tells me this Carrero has a darkness inside of him that could block out the sun.


    Men of real power never need to state it or make it clear in any obvious way, it¡¯s just there, like an aura


    and anyone who meets them does not have to question its legitimacy.


    Alexi is one of those men¡ªwho wearmand like a shroud about their person.


    ¡®¡¯My debt ¡­ came to you I presume? ¡¯¡¯ The words cut like ss in my aching throat, even though I


    should be grateful I am not at the bottom of the river right now, and for having him swoop in and save


    me from certain death at Tyler¡¯s hands. I owe him fifty grand because of that stupid whore taking off


    with everything I had, trusting the wrong mousy little bitch and letting myself get distracted, but Alexi


    Carrero has a reputation that precedes him in the underworld.


    He¡¯s the stuff nightmares are made of, and I literally just became something he owns. It¡¯s a hard pill to


    swallow. Head of his mafia family, operating under the guise of businessman, but anyone worth their


    weight in cocaine in this world knows that he¡¯s the New York go to man if you want to conduct any


    business in this city at all. Without his blessing and greasing of palms you may as well get out of


    Dodge.


    He swooped in and saved my bacon from mere street runners, and now I owe the main man himself


    my life on a fucking tter. It couldn''t get any worse than that. He is not someone who needs to beat


    women half to death to chase up a drug debt; he is someone who will just drop you in the ocean,


    wearing metal boots, for not paying up in time and not even break a sweat over it.


    I am a family favour, Alexi¡¯s new problem.


    Well done Cami ¡­ did yourself a right good turn with this stupid fuck up. What the hell is he going to


    do with an ex-hooker who pushes drugs and sex for a living, and currently has nothing but the dirty


    clothes they took from me to her name? I have no value to a millionaire crook that has a whole city at


    his fingertips. Fifty grand is not easy to earn when your skills mean nothing to a man like him.


    ¡®¡¯My cousin offered to clear it on your behalf ¡­ fifty G. I refused, on ount of the fact you won¡¯t learn


    anything if people sweep in and fix all your mistakes so easily, and I am a huge believer in personal


    growth. Sophie is someone I care about, and I will honour that affection by taking you on. Don¡¯t get me


    wrong, Miss Walters, you will pay off the debt and I aim to make you work for it. I have ns for


    someone with your entrepreneurial skill set.¡¯¡¯ He sounds almost smug, self-assured, and I really wish I


    could at least see his face.


    This isplete torture, and my heart is pounding through my chest in a bid to escape my rib cage. I''m


    almost faint, not just from my physical difort either and I do not think I am going to like this guy or


    this deal. Gut instinct inkling at it.


    ¡®¡®What skill set exactly do you think I have?¡¯¡¯ I almost whisper it, showing my nervousness inly,


    realising I am breaking all my own rules in how to deal with men and their intimidation acts. The thing


    is, this one is no act and I have no desire to push any sort of power angle right now. I am literally at his


    mercy for my own survival.


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    ¡®¡®You are known for your ability to connect girls, parties, and product. You have a reputation as the go-


    to girl for anyone who has tastes and money to burn on fun; a name that had even reached my ears. I


    have a club in need of that kind of input and now I have you, it appears I was yed a profitable hand.¡¯¡¯


    I¡¯m not sure I like the way he keeps referring to me as his property, even if he does own my soul for


    debt. I also hate that when he talks it¡¯spletely controlled and steady as though discussing the


    weather and not a sordid n of my future. It¡¯spletely unnerving me.


    ¡®¡®You want your club to operate the same way my little outfit did?¡¯¡¯ I wouldugh if it wasn¡¯t so damn


    ridiculous, but I can tell he isn¡¯t joking. He¡¯s clever in a wolf-like kind of way and I can see the angle he


    hopes to y and what advantage he has in this, but I have never run a club or know anything about


    bars or booze sales. He¡¯s insane if he thinks he can make me work off that much money in some


    sleazy strip bar. My blood runs cold at the thought of what exactly this offer will entail.


    I don¡¯t do sex for money anymore and I won¡¯t go back to that means of survival at any cost. I would


    rather go take my chances with the fish and concrete boots than be made to fuck for hire again.


    ¡®¡®I think your talents and allure will give my club the edge and ss I have been looking for, while still


    operating to my clientele¡¯s tastes. It¡¯s an exclusive bar, closed door policy with memberships and you¡¯ll


    have amodation above ¡­ I have an apartment on the top floor I rarely use, and it seems you


    need a home.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s annoyingly polite in his dialect, well-spoken and precise.


    How the hell does he know so much about me? A few hours ago, I was not even on his radar and yet


    now he seems to know I have literally nowhere to live, on top of how I have been supporting myself for


    thest two years. I know better than to ask questions in this business and I can only assume he did


    his homework on me the second I became his baggage.


    Men with money and means! It¡¯s scary to know what a man with cash can dig up in no time at all.


    ¡®¡¯I need to try and collect my belongings from the ce I skipped out on a few weeks back, I owe them


    money.¡¯¡¯

 Chapter 2: 2

    Chapter 2: 2


    I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m telling him this, I have never had a need to be honest with anyone in my life, but I


    get the vibe that lying to him about anything would probably be the single dumbest thing I ever did.


    Possibly thest too, as he seems like someone who can sniff out a lie at a ten-mile distance.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll take care of it. Call this number in the morning and give my man the details.¡¯¡¯ He extends


    something to me in the darkness and I catch a glimpse of a card in his hand as he leans in to hand it to


    me. I take it carefully, my hands shaking so badly and fearful of touching him¡ªin case the devil can


    suck your soul out by contact alone. That¡¯s the sort of chill I am getting.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s two grand in rent.¡¯¡¯ I nch at his offer and push the card into the sheet beside me, tucking it under


    my thigh. You don¡¯t lose someone like Alexi Carrero¡¯s number or leave it lying around for hospital staff


    to find.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll add it to your tab ... Do you have a cell?¡¯¡¯ He shifts and moves closer, and I get extremely


    ustrophobic with the proximity of someone his size; strength emanating like a dark heavy cloak and


    that aura of an aggressive dominant male. He¡¯s formidable for a man, I remember that much from


    seeing him in daylight. I wish I could better recall what he looks like, but my memory is hazy with the


    finer details.


    ¡®¡®I tossed it when I ran. I don¡¯t have one anymore.¡¯¡¯ I sink back into my cushions when he steps thest


    small distance, suddenly right beside me; trying so hard to just make him out when I am blinded by the


    dazzling light of him switching on themp over my bed and I screw my eyes shut. Flinching at the


    assault, head aching intensely, before blinking myself back to the room and limatising slowly as I


    flutter them open to try and see.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll have one dropped off in the morning and you can give the details of where to collect your


    belongings then. When you¡¯re ready for release, you will be taken to my club, and we will talk again.


    Until then, Miss Walters, try to make the most of your recovery time. I happen to like a full effort from


    anyone I associate with.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s so calm and faultless.


    I am literally glued to that face and almost speechless, nodding at whatever he¡¯s saying because I am


    completely thrown. I clearly never got a good eyeful of him when I was shacked up in the back of that


    car with Sophie, bleeding myself into oblivion as I would remember someone who looked like this.


    Alexi is gorgeous, in apletely devastating, yet almost forbidden way, and I have to check my


    tongue is not hanging out; I never knew gangsters could be so ''Phwoar''. ck ruffled expensively


    styled hair, showing hints of a curl if it was left to grow, over tanned skin, and ice grey eyes that almost


    appear colourless¡ªlike a soulless animal searching over his prey for thest scraps to pick.


    He is all squared, chiselled perfection, with a clean-shaven face, hints of dark stubble below the


    surface. A ck ink tattoo of a dragon curling up one side of his neck, under a white button down, with


    a leather jacket moulded and sculpted to a very fit and toned body. Hints of more dark ink peeking over


    one hand under his sleeve, and I wonder how far his markings go, tempted to see that body with less


    covering.


    He has on expensive clothes and heady aftershave and a face that would not look amiss in a


    Hollywood mob movie. Alexi is a little too handsome to be real. The ent is slightly Italian; I caught


    the odd twinge in some words but it¡¯s so minor it¡¯s barely there. He has spent a lot of time in Italy if he


    wasn¡¯t born there for it to leave its mark. He is not the package I was expecting at all and I would put


    him in his early thirties if I had to guess; young for a mobster King.


    He has that look of mature and filled out though, that onlyes when men move out of their twenties


    and yet, there is still a boyish charm in the depth of that face. I¡¯m not going to lie; I would sleep with him


    in a second and enjoy every minute of it. He¡¯s definitely one I would notch a headboard space for, even


    if I have been ying the celibate game for a couple of years. I think he just found the direct line to my


    libido.


    ¡®¡®Until you¡¯re ready to work, I guess. Will be nice to see what you look like under the swelling.¡¯¡¯ He


    throws me a sardonic smile and I just swallow with great effort, still a little dazed at just how sexy


    another human can be with so little effort when you have good DNA, expensive taste and a great


    hairdresser. I have never had a full-blown ¡®¡®take me now¡¯¡¯ moment over any man before, and I hate that


    my face must resemble a smashed, bloated pumpkin and I can only see out of one eye.


    I am experiencing my first ever ¡®fuck me senseless'' moment in my life.


    ¡®¡®Right, thank you, I guess.¡¯¡¯ I have no idea why that¡¯s whates out of my mouth. I think the drugs


    are messing with my ability to flirt my way through any situation with the opposite sex, or maybe it¡¯s just


    him and I feelpletely out of my depth.


    I have never been faced with a human that I instantly needed to have naked and inside of me before.


    It¡¯s messing with my brain. My body is warming up to searing levels and I''m squirming in a bid to calm


    the tingles between my thighs.


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    Get your shit together Cami! You are well versed in the arts of seduction and ying it cool.


    ¡®¡®Try and stay out of trouble. I don¡¯t happen to have any patience for women who cause me any ¡ª bear


    that in mind.¡¯¡¯ The statement is made with apletely charming expression, but the intent is clear and


    not too veiled for me to extract the meaning. He¡¯s polite, well-mannered, and precise. It¡¯s in his neat


    attire and groomed appearance and the careful slow way he talks while boring your eyes with his


    unflinchingly; everything deliberate, calm and cool, in a well-yed way. This is a man who knows how


    to get what he wants in life and knows what poker faces to y with which people.


    That means he¡¯s smart, and behind that face, that could either be your ultimate fantasy, or your worst


    terrifying nightmare, is a fast brain and keen eye that adds anotheryer to an already formidable


    yer. I can see why he¡¯s known as New York¡¯s crime boss of the century¡ªhe is a born maniptor


    who reads people in the blink of an eye. He has summarised what he thinks I am in a heartbeat.


    Alexi Carrero is a predator in expensive tailoring and smiles, yet he has the ck soul of someone who


    has killed without remorse. I know his family''s body count must be immense by now, being four or five


    generations of underhand dealings and back-alley negotiations. They are infamous for who they are,


    even if some of them have turned legitimate and steer clear of the crime world publicly.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t intend to make any.¡¯¡¯ I falter,cking conviction, even though I truly do not want to end up on


    this one¡¯s wrong side. He just wipes away all my wiles and confidence, while I amid up ck and


    blue and swollen beyond recognition. Wait until I have my heels, my face, and my killer wardrobe ... an


    even keel to deal with Sexy Alexi! Tyler was a yground bullypared to this one and I know


    without a shadow of a doubt I have my work cut out.


    This one might as well be Lucifer himself, but he just met himself a Lady who¡¯s well versed in taming


    beasts and not afraid of the challenge. A match made in heaven, or hell, I guess. We will just have to


    find out and I may have use for this one if I can train him to heel.


    It¡¯s going to be interesting, peeling off hisyers to reveal what weaknesses I can. And I fully intend to


    exploit every single little one of them.

 Chapter 3: 3

    Chapter 3: 3


    ¡®¡®Here, just like you wanted ... Today¡¯s receipts, invoices from the deliveries, the tips, takings, and the till


    print off; would you like me to do anything else for you? Seeing as I am obviously not busy in Happy


    hour with serving customers and running myself ragged with your demands?¡¯¡¯ I re at Luciano,


    throwing the papers on his cluttered desk,pletely pissed that he made me do this on a Saturday


    night at eleven p.m. In our busiest season with Football yoffs and the bar is heaving since he


    opened it up to the public in Alexi¡¯s absence.


    Luciano just res right back with that unconcealed disdain he has for me since I arrived here. The


    short fat little balding creep has done nothing but rile me up the wrong way and put me down at every


    turn, from day one.


    The Cami of the streets would have romanced him and blown him by now if he was of any value to


    me in this life but as I have my eye on a much bigger and sexier prize then I am wasting none of my


    hard-earned ttery on the likes of pencil dick and hisplete hatred of women having an equal


    footing to him.


    I have been here for almost two months, since I got out of the hospital, and much to myplete


    disappointment our suave Italian has never reappeared in all that time to give me any sort of direction


    on what he wanted me to do in this damn club. The ce is nothing more than a cheap watered down


    back alley dive and Luciano couldn¡¯t run a treadmill, let alone a nightclub.


    This ce is barely scraping by; I think he knows it too, as requesting tonight¡¯s takings several hours


    early is a sign of desperation. I also have suspicions he has been diddling the takings for weeks, but it¡¯s


    his funeral, and when Alexi shows face I doubt he won¡¯t notice. I wouldn¡¯t be dumb enough to steal


    from him anyway.


    I never thought I would end up being nothing more than a glorified bartender, but at least Alexi¡¯s paying


    me the wages of a bar manager and the apartment upstairs is both luxurious and free, which is a nice


    bonus.


    It¡¯s modern, five stars and has two bedrooms in a lovely open-nyout. Although I suspect the ck


    silk sheeted master suite is his, and never go in there for fear of what I might find; it has something of


    Alexi in the stark masculine neatness and the locks on the inner door suggest he uses this ce for


    ytime when he stays here.


    I guess I should see the advantage on being so close to his boudoir, even if he might be a dark man of


    sinister kinks. It gives me the upper hand on seduction moves.


    Apart from his room, I have the free run of the whole upper floor in a four-story-tall New York building.


    We are snuggled in the back, dark depths, of warren-like streets, and my view is limited to windows


    and brick walls of buildings beside us, but the d¨¦cor is expensive, clean and airy. I ampletely at


    home in the minimalistd pad with high tech. No expense spared on the gadgets and entertainment or


    the fitted kitchen that is perfect for small meals.


    I can¡¯t grumble atnding on my feet this way, I¡¯m just bored with theck of scope for doing anything


    other than bing Luciano¡¯s mule for his workload as this ce crumbles to the ground around my


    ears.


    ¡®¡®Get out and get back downstairs, go shake your tits at people with cash to spend.¡¯¡¯ He growls at me


    with his crooked teeth on show and those watery blue eyes almost popping out of that loathsome skull.


    That bulging creepy vein appears over his reddening forehead, signalling I¡¯m pissing him off again. He


    loses his temper easily this one, and if I had the energy to clean up his mess I would have made the


    artery pop by now; he¡¯s easy to affect, and I reckon I could push all his buttons if I so desired.


    Wanker!


    ¡®¡®They couldn¡¯t afford me, hence why I leave dressing like whores to your staff.¡¯¡¯ I flick my long harlot


    red hair at him over my shoulder as I turn on my very high stiletto heel and smooth down my fitted navy


    shift dress. I was always more of a dress to impress than pop out to show the goods kind of girl. If a


    man wants it, then he will work for it and pay more. If you put it all on show and let him sample the


    goods before he buys, then you don¡¯t make half as many sales. His staff should really learn the art of


    teasing and enticing¡ªthey would get way more tips.


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    ¡®¡®You¡¯re a cheap slut that Alexi obviously installed here until he¡¯s ready for a new fuck buddy. He will


    use you and kick you to the curb as soon as he¡¯s done. Don¡¯t getfy Sweetlips ¡­ Alexi has his eye


    on more pressing issues than women! You¡¯re all mere distractions for him, and I for one, cannot wait to


    see him dump you in the gutter.¡¯¡¯ He smirks, pleased with his little put-down and I justugh sweetly,


    unaffected by smarmy little imps with penis envy.


    ¡®¡¯Dahling ¡­ green is not your colour; it shes with your high blood pressure.¡¯¡¯ I wink as I wiggle my


    way out of the office and smirk with the crash of things falling off his desk. He tends to swipe when he¡¯s


    raging, and I probably just gave him twenty minutes of picking up all those papers I just deposited.


    I''m a tad smug at how effortlessly I get to him, it¡¯s been my only amusement these past weeks.


    I wander out across the cream carpeted open floor of the office level, between therge potted palms,


    towards the row of lifts.


    There are two closed offices up here and a bank of monitors behind a huge curved desk in between,


    where one solitary security guard keeps an eye on the downstairs and other floors. Not that there is


    much to watch in an empty t, a storage floor which houses nothing but excess from the bar and dusty


    boxes or empty rooms. This level has only him and Luciano most of the time, while the bar is only busy


    from seven p.m. until four a.m. The rest of the time it¡¯s closed. The other office is always locked, so I


    presume it belongs to our missing hunk of the moment and I wonder when the hell that one is going to


    dazzle me with his presence.


    My underwear has been feeling considerably tight since I firstid eyes on him and it¡¯s wholly


    frustrating to find something that piques your interest insanely, and then just goes AWOL indefinitely.


    He spiked my interest and since then I have been having lucid dreams about that man and his sexy


    body, waking up all hot and bothered and craving sex.


    That¡¯s not like me at all.


    I pull out my gold swipe card that gives me ess to one of the two lifts and all four floors of this


    building. I noticed when Luciano gave me this the day I arrived that he has a silver one and I guess it


    means he cannot ess the apartment upstairs; not that anyone can! It¡¯s locked with a keypad that the


    guard had my palm scanned for on arrival. It¡¯s very high tech for somewhere Carrero rarely uses, and I


    wonder why he went to so much expense upstairs but left his club to run in incapable hands and still


    look like it was decorated in the nies.


    It¡¯s aplete contradiction to both the man and his apartment upstairs.


    I wander into the open space of the lift and lean back against the railing, sighing heavily. I can already


    hear the thrum of downstairs and impatiently run my fingers through my long, straight locks, admiring


    my reflection as the chrome doors close. I quickly check my wless makeup and red pout and give my


    ample breasts a little jiggle in the moulded lingerie to sit higher under my fitted dress. Looking good is


    an art form that I have mastered.


    Despite not having anything but long slender legs on show when I work the bar, men just fall over


    themselves to be served by me. I guess I was lucky to be born with a naturally pretty face that can be a


    knockout with the right eyeliner and lippy, and a body I work hard to keep toned and fuckable.


    Experience taught me that I have to live on my looks as much as I do my skills in this cut-throat world I


    exist in because women are second-rate citizens among gangsters andpletely disposable. We are


    ten a penny and most women in this world will drop their knickers for any guy with money or a hint of


    power, so you must stand out as something else.


    I aim to be more than just another forgettable whore, I have skills and ambition.


    The girls here all hate me, and I don¡¯t really care. I never came here to make friends and technically I


    am still their boss too, even if Luciano forgets it and treats me like his skivvy. I am harsh-tongued and


    intolerant, and I am not shy to tell them when they are pissing me off.


    I must admit though, the bar is running a lot more smoothly since I picked up the ck than when I first


    arrived. Just small changes to the rota, booze brands and how things are done, have made a world of


    difference. I could teach them a few things if I could be bothered to up the standard and ss to try and


    pick up the tips a little. I don¡¯t see the point though; I¡¯m hoping the bar goes under and Alexi has to find


    another use for me to work off the money I owe him.


    I would happily sweat it out under him in any position he required and revel in letting him find


    interesting ways to extract everyst dor. I could teach him a few boudoir tricks and show him just


    how good a girl can be with nothing but a tongue and a fair bit of practised suction. I did spend my adult


    life and half my childhood learning how to work sex to my advantage, and I am not against using every


    tool in my arsenal to achieve my goal.


    Alexi would be fun to use it on, seeing as he is the first real crush I have ever had in my life. That man


    makes me wet just thinking about him. Since that certain tall dark Italian piqued my interest I have my


    eye firmly on that rich and powerful package for sure. I can¡¯t help the little fantasies I have been having


    about him.


    Sex is something I miss, even if it¡¯s what screwed me up early in life, and I am more than ready to flex


    those pelvic muscles in the name of some fun now I have an opponent I¡¯ve found to be worthy.


    I got so embroiled in selling other girls to rich men when pushing Tyler¡¯s product and surrounding


    myself with spoiled and fetish-fuelled creeps, that along the way I just lost all interest in fucking anyone.

 Chapter 4: 4

    Chapter 4: 4


    A dick is a dick and when you are facing them shoved your way daily by over amorous arseholes who


    see you as a vessel for their pleasure and nothing else, it kills the buzz and suddenly your besty is a


    battery operated boyfriend. At least it won¡¯t smack you around or push itself down your throat and won¡¯t


    stop until you reach your climax.


    My ¡®¡¯BOB¡¯¡¯ keeps me happy while I avoid disappointing sex and it¡¯s less messy on the clean-up. It¡¯s


    also never forced me into anything I didn¡¯t want to do with brute force and I want to avoid any more


    beatings in my lifetime if I can help it. I have recovered from my fair share, and I am so done with


    broken bones and fractured limbs.


    I am lucky that in all the years and all the beatings I have taken I have very few scars and none that


    you can really see unless you look hard. Most of my scars I carry on my battered soul.


    I somehow think that Mr Carrero might have a few skills of his own in the bedroom department, and he


    doesn¡¯t strike me as a guy who uses brute force to get his way either. He has persuasive talent and


    command¡ªI doubt I would say no even if he asked me to let him screw me up the arse on his desk


    while baldy watched him poke me senseless.


    Luciano would probably get off on it; I think he has a hard-on for Carrero himself and his sexuality is


    questionable. His homophobic rage over the gay bartender downstairs screams of a repressed desire


    and I wonder if his wife only married him out of pity.


    I have heard the bar girls talking about Alexi in the staff locker area at the start of the night shifts. One


    of the girls used to be his Monday evening boredom fuck¡ªa bit of a kink whore that he tied up and


    screwed mercilessly. She implied that he likes being in control and likes to be rough¡­


    I wonder if we have ourselves a ¡®Mr Grey¡¯ or just a guy who is open to experimentation.


    Judging by her disappointment that he didn¡¯t beat her down or inflict pain to get her off, I can only


    assume he has lines he doesn¡¯t cross, even if he is into bondage. Not all Doms are into beating and


    whipping, and it sounds like Carrero is more into restraining rather than inflicting pain. He sounds like


    for him, it¡¯s all about submission and control anyway, and I am sure I can get around that. I¡¯m not really


    into it myself, being cuffed, tied and abused. It¡¯s like reliving my youth and I have no space in my head


    for weak little memories and stupid girls who didn¡¯t have the sense to outsmart them.


    I have my triggers in certain sexual scenarios, and I have learned to avoid anything that sets me off. I


    guess that is one area he would find me a disappointment because it¡¯s a no-go any day of the week,


    but I have other skills I could distract him with.


    The doors finally open, and I wander out listlessly, shaking my Tiffany bracelet back down my arm and


    adjusting my dress as I cross the lobby of the back hall to the bar door distractedly. The noise of the


    bar seems oddly low, and the house music is off, even though I heard it when travelling down. Now I


    can only hear hushed voices as though the bar is emptying, and it instantly confuses me.


    It¡¯s not even midnight, and this is normally our craziest time on a Saturday night.


    What the hell?


    ¡®¡®Miss Walters¡­ Nice to see you upright!¡¯¡¯


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    That voice halts every fibre of my being and I pause with a sharp breath, goosebumps and aplete


    physical reaction that has been missing from my life. It¡¯s like having warm water poured right over your


    head as arousing vibrations run the length of your body.


    If his voice can do this to me then I wonder what the rest of him would feel like and I can only imagine


    as my insides erupt in beautiful butterfly type flutters.


    Turned on with a voice; boy am I going to like being fucked by him.


    His smooth and husky tone, like liquid heat, pours over me from behind and my skin tingles in


    anticipation as I turn myself precisely and slowly to greet the one thing I have been waiting for.


    ¡®¡®Mr Carrero.¡¯¡¯ I give him my best sultry smile and extend a graceful hand, scanning that powerful


    physique in a pricey tailored suit and tie; he looks all business and immacte as always. Taller than I


    remember, even though I am in high heels, so I guess he is over the Six-foot mark easily. He¡¯s a long


    cold drink on a hot sunny day, and my desire is to lick him all over. I have to curb the urge to bite on my


    lip, while eye raping the shit out of him. I can barely contain myself and my knees are practically


    pressed together like they are conjoined.


    He regards my hand for a moment before taking it and politely gives me a firm shake, hand enveloping


    mine with sheer masculine size. A sign of a real man, one of my regrs used to say¡ªa good strong


    handshake and eye contact mean you will always know where you stand with someone; except I don¡¯t


    think the rules apply when someone has soulless eyes and a dark depth behind an emotionless face.


    I kind of get the feeling he is analysing every detail about me and evaluating how to y me.


    ¡®¡®You look better.¡¯¡¯ He makes an open appraisal of me from feet to face and back again, not shy in


    letting his eyes scan my figure-hugging outfit. I take a moment to bask in that little sess and push


    out my bust subtly for his eyes doing a return trip, moving closer to let him smell my scent. I spend an


    age picking perfumes that make men think of sex, and my current wear has been bringing bar humping


    horny boys to the club every night.


    Sex is my area of expertise after all and all men can be controlled with varying degrees of it; you just


    have to figure out the little tells every man has and Alexi, it seems, is a bit of a slender figure man and


    seems to like what he sees.


    ¡®¡®All healed and all forgotten.¡¯¡¯ I smile demurely and for a moment he just looks deep into my eyes as


    though he¡¯s trying to pick apart my brain, checking for vulnerability or womanly trembles over my awful


    ordeal. He obviously doesn¡¯t know me or my ability to bounce back up! I have had more beatings than


    hot dinners, and I am a very live in the moment kind of girl.


    If you let your past destroy you, then you let it define you, and you may as well lie down and die.


    With a past like mine, I could either choose to do just that or use every part of it to rise above


    everything they ever did to me and turn the things they taught me into tools instead and get the upper


    hand. No use crying over spilt milk and all that.


    I see the flicker of challenge and stand my ground this time, not the same feeble drugged girl he met in


    the private room of the clinic his men dumped me in for two weeks. I am back to being me, and power


    y is part of my forte.


    I have on my armour; makeup, killer heels and sexy dress with my newly dyed harlot red hair that is like


    my calling card. Jessica Rabbit was my ironic idol for my look when I made myself over at neen.


    I guess facing the one person I hoped would save me from hell and having them throw me from their


    property really did wonders for my mental state back then. Thanks Daddy,ing to America to find


    you was totally worth it.


    ¡®¡¯So, I see, I wasn¡¯t expecting stunning under that mess, and yet here you are ¡­ If you don¡¯t mind we


    need to go back upstairs and see Lucie.¡¯¡¯ He extends a hand back towards the lift and I nod graciously,


    impressed that he isn¡¯t shy with saying exactly what he thinks and high-fiving myself that he thinks I am


    ¡®¡¯stunning.¡¯¡¯


    I guess I have a definite chance of bedding me a Carrero after all. It¡¯s more appealing than going back


    to work the bar anyway.


    My eyes scan muscr build and my underwear heats up as I get crazily close to that sexy as sin


    body. He has a way with women without doing very much at all; I guess he must have a hell of a lot of


    testosterone swirling around to get me this worked up without effort. Usually, it¡¯s a lot of self-warming


    before I get ready to screw someone, and I wonder if he would be like an instant switch for me, a new


    experience.


    Most men are not the focus of my fucking, it¡¯s normally the act of getting off¡ªbut in this case, I think it


    would be the exact opposite. I most definitely would be focused on the man doing the screwing as


    much as the act of being screwed.


    ¡®¡¯By all means, you¡¯re the boss.¡¯¡¯ I smile seductively. I am going for flirty overkill as his brood of ck


    suited men linger in the hall, and he follows me back into the box I only just exited leaving them


    standing around like lost children.


    ¡®¡®Yes, I am. I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯te by and settle you into your role, but I had business elsewhere. I¡¯m


    here now though, and we have a lot to discuss.¡¯¡¯ The doors close on us as he swipes his own gold card


    and I try to stand as close as possible without being too obvious. I learned a long time ago that you


    have more effect on a man when he can touch you without effort and smell you with each inhale.


    Lingering within his grasp and making it easy. Arse out, boobs perked, mannerisms full on seductive


    and the little tell-tale sex arousers are in y.


    Touching my lips, my hair; my eyes straying to his mouth, so he thinks about kissing me as I nce his


    way, doing a mental checklist of my ¡®¡®y to win¡¯¡¯ and make him horny techniques.


    I am firing on all ¡®¡®fuck me¡¯¡¯ cylinders and on the full offensive. I have waited two months for this bad boy


    to show up, and he is getting the full Cami treatment on supercharge. I don¡¯t waste time when I have


    my eye on a prize and this onees with power, money and influence; a nice little puppy in my


    pocket to do my bidding if I can hone in on his kinks and make all his fantasiese true.


    Men are like dogs¡ªyou find the treats they like, and they can be trained into obedience and loyalty. It


    has gotten me this far in life so far, and he is like the golden ticket to pastures new.


    ¡®¡¯Did you enjoy your trip?¡¯¡¯ I flutter myshes with a slight subtle bite of my lip and I catch the smirk


    subtly cross his face as it deepens the hint of dimples that only adds to that unearthly gorgeousness he


    has going on. He rxes against the wall effortlessly and seems almost amused at my full-on signals.


    Leaning against me so his body warmth heats my naked arm in my capped sleeved dress. He¡¯s


    unusually warm-blooded even through a suit jacket and I can only hope it means he¡¯s hot-blooded in


    the sack. Italians usually are. He¡¯s picking up on signals and I¡¯m thinking he might be an easy win.


    Quick, clever, and clearly well-trained in recognisinge-ons. He seems game anyway and it seems


    he¡¯s not so different to mere mortals after all¡ªeven if he is a formidable


    yer.

 Chapter 5: 5

    Chapter 5: 5


    ¡®¡®Miss Walters? ¡¯¡¯ He eyes me sideways with more of a smirk than a smile and shakes his head lightly,


    almost a little cutely for someone like him. I hold my breath as he leans achingly close to me, shoulder


    to shoulder, dipping that huge height to meet my smaller frame a little. I have always had a thing for big


    men who make me feel delicate, and Alexi does exactly that; a perfect specimen.


    I inhale that heady spicy aftershave and again have to calm the fire going on in myher regions at


    his close proximity. I swear he gives me the walking horn.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, Mr Carrero?¡¯¡¯ I breathe sexily and angle my hip closer in a bid to reach him. ying coy, lip biting


    and lifting my chin so he gets the kiss me vibes thrown his way shamelessly. Nothing to stop him going


    in for the kill, and he looks me dead in the eye, those almost colourless portals to a wicked mind that


    stir up all my crazy hormones, and yet they lose all warmth in that expression.


    His smooth, rxed look, hits on cold and hard in a blink.


    ¡®¡¯If I wanted to fuck you, I would have done it by now.¡¯¡¯ He says it dryly, all hints of charming gone and


    nothing but a cold tone and icy re in its ce.


    My jaw drops at the sudden change in him and his assumption he could haveid me at any time of his


    choosing before now. Even if it might be true from this side of things, it¡¯s the assumption that I¡¯m an


    easyy before he even got to know anything about me.


    ¡®¡¯I didn¡¯t pay fifty grand for amon whore who tries to seduce me in my own elevator! Drop the act,


    get it into your head that I have an actual use for you and if you could keep your panties on and your


    eyes on the goal, we will get along just fine. There¡¯s nothing less of a turn on than a woman who throws


    herself at you so obviously.¡¯¡¯ He pushes me away harshly with a fingertip on my shoulder, winding me


    slightly with such unchivalrous force and steps away, straightening his jacket and flexes his shoulders


    as the doors slide open. Leaving mepletely gobsmacked and standing gawping like aplete


    moron.


    He knows how to push my buttons alright; anger buttons, and I am fuming as horny heat is reced


    with fiery anger. I just blink at him, my heart pounding, pride wounded and a tiny tremor of rage


    simmering inside of me like a dull ember trying to catch alight. Breathing hard and just locked on that


    gaze in a silent war of ¡®who the fuck do you think you are?¡¯


    Carrero is an utter fucking arsehole of epic proportions. He is no gentleman at all!!!


    ¡®¡®After you ¡­¡¯¡¯ He motions out the open door and I push myself up to storm past him with my chin in the


    air and a defiant frown stered on my very annoyed face; shaking my head in disbelief that he just


    blew me off in an extremely unssy and undignified way. I had him peggedpletely wrong.


    He must be gay; no man has ever turned me down when I am on the charm offensive.


    Wanker!


    It¡¯s not that I haven¡¯t met challenges before, but I have never been given a straight-out rebuff in such a


    wanker-esque way.


    ¡®¡¯Sit.¡¯¡¯ Hemands and catches me by the upper arm as we walk into Luciano¡¯s office. Tight enough


    to annoy me. I glower at him as he almost tosses me into a nearby chair, all chivalrous behaviour has


    gone south it seems; manhandling me like a piece of meat, and he continues walking to old farts desk


    in the corner.


    I notice Lucie pie is up on his feet and sweating like a pig as he stammers out Alexi¡¯s name, but I am


    too busy grumbling over what a prick he actually is.


    Squirm oinklet ¡­ I hope he treats you as shittily as he just did me.


    Might be the only fun I get out of Carrero starchy pants today. I still can¡¯t believe he just humiliated me


    like that in his goddamn lift.


    Complete and utter wanker.


    ¡®¡®Alexi ¡­ I, Mr Carrero ¡­ I wasn¡¯t expecting you back for a few weeks.¡¯¡¯ Luciano looks like he might


    actually pop that vein on his own and I settle myselffily into my chair for the show, resigned to sulk


    a little while he deals with the bane of my life and I unruffle some of my feathers.


    Alexi walks past him and motions him out of the way with a thumb jerk and then pulls open the desk


    drawer as Lucie looks ready to pass out. Paling and repelling water profusely, instant panic and sweat


    hitting full force, the guilt is practically dripping off him in neon shing waves.


    ¡®¡¯Where are the books?¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s tone is harsh, not so much of a snap but not amused as he ms the


    drawer and pulls the next one out. I am assuming this is him moving into pissed mode, and Luciano


    knows it. Carrero is on a mission to find them whether Lucie helps or not.


    ¡®¡¯I moved them ¡­ ummm, my ountant ¡­¡¯¡¯¡ªpiggy is huffing and puffing, and I cross my legs as I


    start to swing my foot in sheer enjoyment. So much so that I have to curb the satisfied smile aching to


    overtake my face as I enjoy the show.


    Nice to see him on the side of being beaten down by someone bigger and more aggressive after


    bullying me senseless for the past eight weeks¡ªjust desserts.


    I guess Alexi is aware that his nightclub watcher is apletely useless fart of a man after all. ¡®¡¯I pay


    an ountant to do the books, and they told me you haven¡¯t filed anything with them for three


    months.¡¯¡¯


    He ms another drawer and physically moves fatty over when he stumbles in his way and I guess this


    is what pissed Alexi looks like, yet it¡¯s hard to tell, as apart from an edgy tone he seemspletely in


    control. Three months?


    Yet I have been throwing every receipt and paper at Luciano on a daily basis for the past two of those.


    Interesting!


    I guess I can forgive him for rebuffing me when he makes the pond scum of my life squirm like a fish on


    a hook. It¡¯s very entertaining. ¡®¡¯I have had my own do it, I can have them ready in a few days.¡¯¡¯ More


    sweat, bigger vein and I swear it¡¯s almost ready to explode. I can¡¯t take my eyes off of the pulsing


    expansion that¡¯s overtaking his shiny forehead.


    ¡®¡®Why would you do that? I want them now. Right ¡­ now.¡¯¡¯ Very low, cold and precise; that tone I met


    that first time and even I hold my breath when it hits. I realise that nope, I was wrong and this one here


    ¡­ this is his serious don¡¯t fuck with me tone and I guess the psycho switch hovers somewhere within


    as Luciano turns puce; It¡¯s the sinister in the calm ¡­ his intimidation is when that slow even deliberate


    dialect hits. It changes Lucie¡¯s whole manner immensely.


    I figured out Carrero¡¯s first tell. When he slows down and goes ultra-calm he¡¯s pissed as hell and


    completely unpredictable. One for the memory bank; a little unnerving and a tad psycho, but I guess it¡¯s


    one to watch for.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    ¡®¡®Right now, sure ¡­ right this very ¡­ Urghhh, I will go get them.¡¯¡¯ He moves and turns on his heel


    making a half attempt at a run from the floor to the door and I wonder where the hell he is going. All the


    filing cabs are in here and I doubt his ountant can be reached at midnight on a weekend.


    Nevertheless, he leaves and a secondter we hear the lift ping, alerting us to his departure from this


    floor.


    Little Piggy is running away at an impressive speed.


    Alexi picks up the papers from the desk and starts looking through them, his eyes scanning, oblivious


    to Luciano¡¯s weirdness and I recognise them as the pile I brought up.


    ¡®¡¯Those are today''s up until eleven o¡¯clock.¡¯¡¯ I point out and smile when I catch his eyes flicker towards


    me. He doesn¡¯t look warmed by my attempts at y nice and carries on flicking through the receipts. I


    am trying to let go of my huff in a bid to still win him over, and he should appreciate that; I am not giving


    up on this puppy just yet, I just need to figure out a better angle to win him over slowly.


    ¡®¡¯He had them brought up mid-shift?¡¯¡¯ He raises a brow and watches me for a moment, questioning,


    thinking and I shrug as though disinterested in moody men.


    Well as far as he knows I am anyway. I aim to remove the ¡¯¡®throwing myself at him so obviously¡¯¡¯ from


    his memory banks and try something a little subtler.


    ¡®¡®I did as I was told by the sexually repressed little beach ball.¡¯¡¯ I shrug, tapping my red nails on the arm


    of the chair. Alexi just frowns at me before going back to scanning papers, unamused with my jest and I


    just roll my eyes at him dramatically.


    No sense of humour anyway. I don¡¯t feel as intimidated by him as I did the first time. I guess being


    bruised, vulnerable and doped up affected my senses and having him turn me down t haspletely


    pissed me off.


    He isn¡¯t as big and scary as I thought he was. Not in the stark electric lighting of his shitty nightclub


    anyway. He is just a man; a good-looking, tall and muscr stinking rich man but ¡­ still just a man.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t think he¡¯sing back! He¡¯s probably jumping a red-eye to anywhere but here.¡¯¡¯ I lean forward


    conspiratorially with a hushed tone and this time I swear I see the flicker of a tiny little involuntary smile


    on Mr Cool''s face. He drops it almost immediately, but I know what I saw and get that little sense of


    victory. Maybe he does have a sense of humour hiding deep in there after all, and I might be able to


    appeal to that side of him.


    ¡®¡¯This bar is a drain on my resources. If he has any sense he will pick somewhere I have no reach and


    no will to find him.¡¯¡¯ I catch the smirk again, sinister this time and do a double take, my face dropping at


    hispletely serious statement.


    Wait ¡­ is he being funny?


    I really cannot tell if he¡¯s joking or if he did make a seriousment about Luciano¡¯s very short future


    life.

 Chapter 6: 6

    Chapter 6: 6


    I feel a little sobered and pipe down, reminded that yes, he is still the same man who stood in the


    shadows of that room that night and made me almost shit myself. Handsome and fuckable doesn¡¯t


    erase cold-hearted killer with no soul. I need to remember the reputation that precedes this man¡ªhe


    didn¡¯t get it from being a pussycat.


    Wake up Cami! This isn¡¯t some toy you can manipte for shits and giggles; this is someone who


    could fuck up your entire life.


    This is a whole new level of male and behind the charm and seemingly calm demeanour is the man


    who earned a name for being aplete psychopath among his peers. ¡®¡¯While we wait on him building


    up some courage toe back and face me, how about we talk about our little arrangement?¡¯¡¯ Alexi


    drops all the papers with a look of disinterest, so they scatter on the walnut desk and sits down in an


    almost unusually casual way. Propping his feet on arseholes desk andnding his very expensive


    Italian shoes on top of all the clutter. He unbuttons his jacket and smooths down his tie beforeing


    to settle on my face.


    Some men really cannot pull off a suit but this one does it with so much ease I cannot imagine him


    wearing anything else. It¡¯s weirdly James Bond, only much sexier.


    ¡®¡¯About time.¡¯¡¯ I smile sassily, impulsively confident, even if my nerves are rattled and throw my leg over


    the other one, shifting them over to catch his eye in a very precise and sexy way. I catch the little flicker


    of grey watch my long, shapely legs getfortable in their new pose, slight and subtle, but he


    checked them out, and I add it to my little list that he is also a leg man.


    He¡¯s interested for sure, but he likes to chase, not be chased. I guess all the hours I work out, wax, and


    self-tan, are worthwhile when faced with an Adonis.


    ¡®¡®Well ¡­ as I told you, I brought you here for a specific purpose in this ce, but my priorities took me


    away from really setting you any sort of task. Luciano has issues with sharing authority, and I can see


    he has hindered you instead of following my orders.¡¯¡¯ He looks way too calm for a guy who''s telling me


    one of his minions disobeyed him. I figured someone like him would not tolerate such disrespectful


    behaviour and will probably hack his skull off with a blunt object before hanging it in his gallery of


    decapitated heads.


    Too many gangster movies Cami! Get serious.


    ¡®¡¯Let¡¯s just say he obviously missed the memo on rolling out the wee mats for my arrival at Club


    Carrero.¡¯¡¯ I raise a haughty eyebrow and this time I do get a smirk, an amused subtle smile at my pet


    name for his venue. The current name on the door is Bravos¡¯ Bar and I guess it came with the sale.


    I hope to God he intends a change in the near future.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    Alexi just regards me coolly from his casual pose.


    ¡®¡¯Lucie is family ... unfortunately, by marriage not by blood, and that means I give him some allowances


    that maybe I shouldn¡¯t. He was a temporary fix in a new purchase and now he¡¯s sort of part of the


    furniture.¡¯¡¯


    He shifts to cross his ankles and slides down in his seat a little more, looking more impressive as


    muscle bulges a little prominently and I have a hard time keeping my own eyes from scanning him. He


    could be a poster child for a good gym membership and a personal trainer. He certainly works me into


    restless impulsive urges to start working out ¡­ on him.


    ¡®¡®Meaning I am stuck with him.¡¯¡¯ I sigh heavily and bring my brain back to the present, dragging my eyes


    off that very t and probably rock-solid abdomen. I wonder what he bench presses and get a visual of


    him pressing on me.


    Phew! I maybe need to start fanning myself as heat creeps up from my breasts.


    ¡®¡®Maybe you should have used some of those feminine wiles on him in my absence, who knows, might


    have worked to put a smile on his face.¡¯¡¯ That eyebrow lift and hint of sarcasm make me grit my teeth.


    Icing my heating libido, a little.


    So now he¡¯s mocking me?


    ¡®¡¯Think I¡¯ll pass. Lucie doesn¡¯t invoke any passion in me. I would rather fuck a corpse.¡¯¡¯ I rebuff cattily


    with an equally raised brow. Annoyed that he just implied I should have made life easier by blowing his


    fat tubby little reject. Talk about insulting me.


    He looks at me silently for what feels like a long excruciating moment before tapping his thumb on the


    desk in a really distracting manner. I can¡¯t tell if he¡¯s taking me seriously or just bored with the topic.


    Bored with me; another strike to my pride.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯ve been here two months learning the ropes in how to run a bar nheless, now what I want is


    input on what you would do to this ce to turn a profit.¡¯¡¯


    So, instead of continuing to annoy me, we¡¯re onto business and his expression is back to nk. I guess


    topic changes are his forte when he is bored with a subject and a female.


    I clearlyck what he is interested in, and it vexes me. I hesitate for a moment wondering how much he


    wants from me and if this is a test to see how brass my balls are. I¡¯m stuck with him until I pay off my


    debt, and the only way I can get over that little hurdle of obedience is to make him money fast and


    thick. Sooner I am out from under that arrangement of servitude the better. Then he will consider me an


    asset and not a possession and may be more inclined to renegotiating the physical aspect.


    ¡®¡¯Close its doors for a start to cut its current clientele loose ... redecorate. Inject some cash into the


    current, tired design and rename it. Work out the clientele you want to cater for, and what perks you


    want to offer to members. I¡¯m guessing you mean girls, kinks, product, and parties?¡¯¡¯ I go for bold and


    verbalise what has been brewing in my brain thest few weeks as I worked downstairs.


    He looks impressed, rxing a little as he squares off his shoulders and slides his tie off easily and


    smoothly; throwing it on the desk and starts sliding his jacket off too. It¡¯spletely distracting in a very


    temperature raising way¡ªthe man has a body that would put a diator to shame, and now he is


    taking off the formal aspects of his attire I am feeling decidedly warm over here and squirming in my


    chair once again. Lack of hormonal control is very unnerving and new to me.


    ¡®¡¯My clients want a ce to let loose, talk business while being in an environment that caters to their


    tastes. Women are a must, men too ¡­ if they have tailoring to specific fetishes then even better. I have


    enough product to disable an army, and I intend to put enough security in here to be effective should


    things get rowdy. I¡¯m talking high profile men with a lot to lose should the goings on in here be leaked in


    any way. I want professional hookers of both sexes, willing to do anything for the right sum of money


    and to keep their mouths shut. They won¡¯t be expected to do anything against their will.¡¯¡¯ Straight to the


    point and those eyesing tond on my face as he talks in the most mesmerising way. His ent is


    just the icing on top of the very gorgeous cake.


    ¡®¡¯You think I have the contacts to source you high- ss hookers who operate in kink? I ran rich girls


    looking to feed a habit, not a brothel. I have no experience in what you require of me.¡¯¡¯ I blurt out,


    suddenly feeling a little in over my head with what he thinks I can do for him. Disappointed in myself for


    assuming I had this in the bag.


    ¡®¡¯You ran sex for cash ¡­ effectively, with noeback for your rich clients. You pushed Tyler¡¯s product


    in interesting ways, earned yourself more than the average street pusher in half the time, and that¡¯s


    what I paid for. Youe with style and reputation and one look at you walking down my hall told me I


    made the right choice. I can summarise the usefulness of people, Miss Walters, and given enough


    reign I think you have exactly what I need.¡¯¡¯ His confidence in me is a little rming to say the least. I


    never felt worthy of any sort ofpliment like this and now I am not sure I have what it takes for what


    he is proposing.


    ¡®¡¯You want my skills, my ss and my reputation to provide sex and hospitality in your gentleman¡¯s


    club,¡¯¡¯ I repeat just to rify and try to get my head around this. Heart hammering and palms getting


    sweaty.


    ¡®¡®Yes.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t move from his still position and just gives an answer and a hint of a smile.


    ¡®¡®But you don¡¯t want to fuck me?¡¯¡¯ I try for a cheeky smile, ast-ditch attempt at forward, and trying to


    lose my growing anxiety. Maybe he just needs softening up¡­ or hardening up, both of which I am


    pretty sure I can do.


    Either way, I throw it in there with a smile.


    ¡®¡¯No.¡¯¡¯ He just raises a brow at me with a severe look, telling me to drop it and I shrug it off. Not about to


    give up but knowing when to bide my time and work a little harder in a subtler way. He clearly doesn¡¯t


    like pushy women when ites to sex¡ªhe wants to be in control and be the pursuer ¡­ guess I will


    have to bring out the demure act and entice him in other ways.


    Carrero you are frustrating as hell.


    ¡®¡¯Had to be crystal clear on the perks of my arrangement.¡¯¡¯ I wink naughtily in a bid to smooth over that


    prickly demeanour and get nothing in return. Hepletely nks it.


    I guess I will be working on my merits alone and not on my back. Urghh!


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯ll be paid well, more if you make more¡­ still have use of the apartment upstairs, although I will be


    staying asionally in the next few weeks while in the city. The more you bring in the faster you pay off


    your debt with me. When it¡¯s paid off, we will talk again about your time with me here in this club and a


    new deal that may benefit us both, providing you work well and impress me.¡¯¡¯

 Chapter 7: 7

    Chapter 7: 7


    Carrero is very good at sticking to business and ignoring my wit, even if I was only half joking.


    However, I like that there is a chance at long-term involvement when I am no longer under his thumb


    per se.


    I imagined this was going to be the worst kind of deal, but it''s sounding sweet to me. I get to utilise


    what I am already good at without worrying about keeping the fundsing in at all, plus a pretty little


    paycheck and free housing. I just need to try and work around the details that I have no experience in


    and make him see how worthwhile I can be.


    It¡¯s making me nervous, anxious, but I have nothing to lose.


    Maybe Mr Mob isn¡¯t as fierce as everyone says he is. This sounds reasonable to me and so far, he


    seems like a bit of a kitten that just has a grumpy side. That, I can get used to, and learn to work


    around; maybe he justcks a sense of humour and is a bit of a starchy pants. He has to have some


    ws in his gic makeup somewhere.


    ¡®¡®Purely a business arrangement, not quite what I was expecting, Mr Carrero.¡¯¡¯ I flutter myshes his


    way for good measure and try not to fixate on how sculpted and kissable a mouth he has while gazing


    at it, but it is very, very hard. Especially after dealing with the likes of Tyler and his expectancy of a blow


    job every time I picked up my stash.


    The guy was a three-minute wonder under my skilled lips, thank God.


    ¡®¡¯Yeah well, organised crime is still a business, and I am all about profit and utilising my assets. I¡¯ll have


    a designere by this week to start going over the interiors and rooms on the second floor. I want all


    the extra space sectioned off into private rooms for clients'' ytime and a second floor VIP lounge,


    themed and tailored for a variety of X-rated, plus the basement cleared for storage to free it up. I will


    put new security in on the office floor, and down there.¡¯¡¯ Back on the point and oblivious to how much I


    am salivating over those shoulders every time he moves a tiny inch.


    ¡®¡¯Lucie is not going to like that at all ¡­ ruining his little man cave and turning his shitty dive into


    something that outsses him, even if it is filled with whores.¡¯¡¯ I point out and force myself to look


    around this badly decorated room rather than on mentally undressing the man across the room.


    ¡®¡¯Lucie does what he¡¯s told, and now that I¡¯m back that will be silently and with a smile. Now go get your


    ass upstairs while I find where he¡¯s hiding and speak to him about my ounts. I¡¯ll be up soon to


    continue our discussion over a drink infier surroundings.¡¯¡¯ The bossy tone of a man who is used to


    commanding people, and he wastes no effort in softening the tone.


    Wait, what? No fucking me, but go upstairs and I¡¯ll be up soon?


    I know he is a man who obviously gets what he wants, and that probably means women too, but I am


    not a puppy he can boss around and expect obedience, especially for no reward. It riles that inner


    defiance in me and I eye him a touch haughtily.


    ¡®¡¯Upstairs?¡¯¡¯ I eye him up, sliding myself to standing as gracefully as I can muster, and this time he


    doesn¡¯t hide the way his eyes travel up every inch of me with open appraisal once more. He isn¡¯t shy


    about checking me out, and that can only work in my favour.


    I think maybe he¡¯s a fan of less modest clothing, and this one might need some riskier styling to pique


    his attention. I happen to like my style, so not sure I want to go to all that effort, as maintaining it will get


    arduous and I made a deal with myself to not change for any man ever again; even him as alluring as


    he is. I have no desire to dress up and dumb down just to bang Alexi.


    ¡®¡¯Figured if we are going to be dealing with one another through the changes of my club and trusting


    you with my most prized clientele, then maybe we should get better acquainted; drinks upstairs,


    discussion, fine details!¡¯¡¯ He still lookspletely serious and I smile sexily. He may be saying that sex


    is off the table, but his eyes tell a different story when he wanders up over my body in a way which


    screams ¡®¡®I want to see you naked.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®Maybe there¡¯s hope for you yet,¡¯¡¯ I answer breathily and turn on my heel, giving him a full eyeful of a


    perfect wiggle as I stroll away, catching sight of Lucie trailing back in from the lift and looking like he¡¯s


    about to get his arse handed to him in a paper bag.


    I am not about to let Carrero think that I am a woman you leave waiting around on you like some


    desperado, hanging on his presence. When I get up to the apartment I get changed into my silk


    nightdress and robe and start getting ready for bed.


    My sleeping pattern dictates that I won¡¯t pass out until after four when I would normally be up here, but


    he doesn¡¯t need to know that, and I am putting my n B into action. I strip off my makeup and re-


    apply the barely there, going to bed, yet still sexy look. Sitting at my vanity and brushing out my hair


    before I pile it on top of my head in a carefree messy bun that takes a lot of finesse and skill.


    Content held by N?velDrama.Org.


    If he thought he had an easy woman to deal with then he doesn¡¯t know me or what he is about toe


    up against. I have a lot to learn about what makes him tick and a lot of tells to identify to work out the


    mechanics of this one, but the same goes for him. If he thinks I am a regr girl with easy to read


    attributes, then he has another thinging. I never do anything just for the hell of it¡ªI always have a


    n.


    My new n is to find how he ticks and use it to my advantage. Fundamentally, most men work on the


    same principles, just with varying degrees of maniption applied. If I find his buttons to push, then I


    will have him eating out of my palms before long. Or from between my thighs. ***


    After an hour of sipping three sses of Chardonnay, and sick to death of picking my goddamn acrylic


    nails, I get up in a strop and throw the bottle in the open-n kitchen that spans a whole L shape in the


    corner of the apartment. Walking past the sunken lounge area and his ck leather sofa, I curse him


    out loudly, boiling inside with the nerve of him.


    I cannot abide people who leave you hanging around like your time isn¡¯t worth shit to them. Making me


    wait for an age and still no goddamn sign of him.


    Bloody arsehole!


    I cage towards the door of my bedroom angrily as I am alerted to the main apartment door beeping with


    someone essing the hand scanner on the other side and spin on my heel. ring furiously that he


    really thinks leaving me waiting on him for an hour is eptable, and thenpletely baulk as he


    strolls in casually with some blonde bimbo on his arm.


    Fury finding a path from my toes and coursing through every vein in my body. Internal rage spiking at


    the sight of this bull shit.


    She is pouting and fluttering his way like an amateur and I swear it¡¯s so cringey it¡¯s almost puke worthy.


    I have to curb the urge to outrightugh at him and hisplete balls for bringing some whore up here


    after having me hanging about like a dick head for the best part of the evening.


    She looks cheap and nasty in a tacky red dress that leaves very little to the imagination, and I literally


    blink at the absolute nerve of the man. He could have had caviar and steak, and I was handing it to him


    on a te¡ªsomething that I don¡¯t just do for any man, but instead he brought home some pop in the


    microwave cardboard meal.


    I try to conceal my rage by smiling airily as our eyes lock across the room, and he smiles right back


    with an air of ¡®¡¯problem?¡¯¡¯ That I can definitely not miss. I feel like this is some sort of test or maybe he


    gets a kick out of goading people. If he is trying to get under my skin, he is about to learn I have ws.


    It¡¯s the first time I have seen him smile properly, all white straight teeth and annoyingly handsome. It


    practically changes his whole face from good looking gangster too, and I just curse him out even more.


    Feelingpletely engulfed with burning fury bristling in my bones. I start tapping my fingernails on my


    hip as I slide into a casual pose and rest my shoulder against my doorway in an act of nonchnce. I


    won¡¯t let him see that he has got to me in any way, shape or form.


    Strike one to you, arsehole.


    ¡®¡¯Go wait for me in my room.¡¯¡¯ Hemands at her, not even looking her way, never breaking eye


    contact with me and I swear I catch a glimpse of something in those greys of his; a hint of devious


    games at y. Tramp scuttles off like a good little puppy without a mutter, straight to his bedroom door,


    and slinks inside before throwing me a catty ¡®¡®hands off!¡¯¡¯ look that makes me smile harder. A touch


    sciously.


    Are you really trying to show me who''s boss? I will snap you like a twig, kitten. Do not test me, bitch.


    ¡®¡¯Didn¡¯t think you were going to show, so I¡¯m heading to bed, I¡¯m tired.¡¯¡¯ I push myself off and turn to


    finish my walk into my bedroom with a sway, adamant I am not going to be some weak little ¡®¡®run after¡¯¡¯


    like he seems to have up here with him, and I am not about to let it slide that he made me wait.


    ¡®¡®Come ¡­ have a drink with me.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t even wait for my refusal; just walks off towards the kitchen


    completely dismissing what I said and starts pulling out sses and bottles from the mini bar we keep


    stocked in here. I seriously consider saying no, and eye up the bedroom behind me with a moment of


    doubt.

 Chapter 8: 8

    Chapter 8: 8


    I know I shouldn¡¯t start off this little arrangement on the wrong foot, but something tells me bringing his


    good-time girl up here after making me wait this long was more of a power y and a message than


    anything. Carrero is a devious one, and he¡¯s trying to put me in my ce.


    I really do toil over whether I should suck it up and y nice, or tell him where to get off. Stuck for a


    moment in deciding what to do. I have always been the game yer and never had to second guess


    my actions because I am being yed; this is all new for me and has me doubting my own decisions.


    ¡®¡¯Sure ¡­ Whatever. Something stronger than wine. I have had my fill tonight and I could do with a


    nightcap.¡¯¡¯ I cross the floor, letting my robe fall loose so it reveals all mouldedce and definite peeking


    of nipples through the thin material, because I am not about to go easy on him when he just threw


    down a gauntlet at me. I may be backing down and having a drink, but I will y it my way, in a semi-


    transparent negligee andck of underwear.


    I always have a n.


    I slide onto the couch in the middle, so that wherever he chooses to sit he is going to be near me and


    watch that strong back and shoulders flexing as he makes drinks silently. He¡¯s discarded his jacket


    somewhere and is still in a white shirt and ck trousers, which are a little fitted to his mass form and


    completely bewitching. He seemspletelyfortable in this space and knows where everything is,


    so I assume he spends more time here than he initially let on.


    Alexi wanders back casually, stopping to hand me a ss of brown liquid and ice, and sits about three


    feet away from me, stretching his legs out to meet the square ss coffee table that nestles in the


    centre and getsfy. He scans me briefly with those wolfish eyes and makes noment on my


    inappropriate attire.


    ¡®¡®How are you settling into the apartment?¡¯¡¯ He looks at me with a closed off expression, confident in


    just taking over this space and takes a drink, resting his arm along the back of the couch so his fingers


    are almost level with my shoulder. Nothing in his manner to suggest he even cares that I might be


    annoyed with him.


    ¡®¡¯Completely at home and settled. I¡¯m someone who is used to adapting to new surroundings quickly,


    and you have good taste, it¡¯s a very nice apartment.¡¯¡¯ I cross my legs letting my peach coloured


    nightwear slide up as I do so, and don¡¯t bother fixing it; my robe fallingpletely open. I have a nice


    figure and naturallyrge bust and I have no doubt that he is notpletely immune to me and catch a


    flicker of appreciation cross that squared face briefly.


    ¡®¡¯Good; it¡¯s handy having you staying over the bar, especially once this ce starts to change and you


    can be close by if need be. I aim to stick around to see this done over the next couple of months and


    I¡¯ve cleared my schedule to be here. Lucie understands that things are changing; he won¡¯t be an issue


    anymore.¡¯¡¯ He takes another drink, and this time I follow suit and almost choke on extremely potent


    Brandy. It¡¯s never been a drink I enjoy and just reminds me of someone I would rather forget; that


    stench was all that ever oozed from him, and when he drank a lot of it his perversions swayed into the


    sadistic.


    I shiver as I push the memories away and focus back on the here and now.


    ¡®¡¯So, are you going to be more specific in what I am here to do, apart from help design your club and


    find you sexual objects for misuse?¡¯¡¯ I get straight to the point bluntly, still simmering with annoyance


    and losing that edge of seductive charm I¡¯m normally oozing.


    He smiles at that, a small amused smile and tinyugh into his ss as he drinks it down.


    I don¡¯t know what¡¯s so funny and he just irks me more.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re my hostess, my go-to girl. You will be the one that makes sure the evenings go to n and


    everyone is catered to. That¡¯s what you excelled at before and I want it done here. Keep my clientsContent held by N?velDrama.Org.


    happy, and the money will start rolling in.¡¯¡¯ He leans back and rxes into looking my way once more.


    Scrutinising me, sizing me up and I can see it. Not hiding it at all.


    ¡®¡¯So, I am not expected to join in the sex sessions then? Perform favours for your benefit?¡¯¡¯ I raise a


    brow haughtily with sarcasm, my stomach churning with apprehension, making it clear I am in no way


    about to agree to that shit regardless of my past, and he shakes his head. Thankfully, as it¡¯s a deal


    breaker for me and I want to make that clear from the get-go.


    I¡¯m an ex- hooker, not a current one and never will be again.


    ¡®¡¯As far as my clients will be aware, you belong to me. They won¡¯t touch what¡¯s mine; you do your job


    and nothing else.¡¯¡¯ Said like he means it, and I can¡¯t help the small weird warm feeling rising in my


    stomach at those words and shake them away quickly. It¡¯s not pleasant, a reminiscent ¡®you belong to


    me¡¯ running through my mind and push it away.


    ¡®¡¯So, I belong to you now? In name or in duties too, and what does that ownership mean for me


    exactly?¡¯¡¯ I always learned if you do not ask then you will never know, and I want all my cards on the


    table before I get any further into this with him. It sounds like this is a deal with benefits, but his


    statement downstairs contradicts that.


    These kinds of men have different meanings of ownership. Alexi pauses and looks down into his ss


    as he swirls the ice, considering my question it seems and slides his drink down on the table between


    his feet, before pushing it away and returning to a casual pose.


    ¡®¡¯It means exactly what it sounds like ¡­ You belong to me and while I own your ass, you live here, work


    for me, and don¡¯t do anything without my permission. It¡¯s that simple.¡¯¡¯ He gives nothing away with tone


    or expression and I inhale slowly, trying to calm my internal rattled pounding nerves. I raise both brows


    this time and give him a look that just says I am not exactly happy with this little statement, nching at


    the idea that he thinks he can ask this of me. I don¡¯t care if he saved my bacon¡ªhe wants to control


    me and with nothing to reward me in return.


    It¡¯s one thing to mark you as off the market for other men if he¡¯s screwing you, but another thing entirely


    to get a virgin¡¯s life handed to you.


    ¡®¡¯Do you own more than my arse? What about my own needs? What if I want to sample a little


    ytime?¡®¡¯ I gesture to his room, indicating his own little fun waiting in there, annoyed that he thinks he


    can rule who I fuck even if I don¡¯t have any current toy boys. Who¡¯s to say I won¡¯t take a fancy to one of


    his clientele? Someone a little more open to me than he seems to be. I will not stop looking at the


    bigger picture, and if a better deales along to get me out of this mess then I will pounce on it. He¡¯s


    not sounding like the fun I thought he was going to be.


    ¡®¡®Not in my apartment, or on my time, which is now all of yours. You can do what you want to do when


    you are no longer owned by me but in the meantime being mine means exactly that. Until your debt is


    clear ¡­ every single piece of you belongs to me.¡¯¡¯ The way he looks deep into my soul tells me that he


    isn¡¯t messing around with this. I push down the urge tough at his ridiculousness, but instead, I keep


    my cool adjusting how I am sitting to show more leg and cleavage and ster on a sexy smile of


    indifference. Ignoring the tension building in the air and the hint of atmosphere because this is going in


    a direction I am not happy with.


    ¡®¡®You said you don¡¯t want to have sex with me, but yet, it sounds like you¡¯re shelving me as yours


    regardless. I¡¯m not ying ball! You can¡¯t tell me who I can screw while I am to live a celibate life in a


    room next to you banging God knows who.¡¯¡¯ Anger erupts, even though I am trying to keep my cool,


    and the edge to my snappy tone makes him narrow his gaze on me. He seems to instantly be a


    lot more intimidating with practically zero change in his face.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, I can. In this business what you do reflects on me. You¡¯re being given responsibility and ess


    to powerful people and who you fuck means a hell of a lot more than you realise. Keep your panties up


    and your legs closed, or I will show you a side of me you won¡¯t like.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s a veiled threat all right. Calm,


    cold and precise. He¡¯s not ying around, but my inner fire is not about to go down without a fight. I


    hate people thinking they can control me in any way. I didn¡¯t fight my way out of Ennd and run


    thousands of miles to go back to that life, and I sure as hell didn¡¯t scrape by on the streets to get myself


    a new master and pimp.


    He ignites my fiery rage and my body instantly pinks up with the way my blood boils to the surface of


    my very pale skin. I have a redheads colouring, even with a scattering of freckles, and I hate that when


    I get mad it¡¯s literally visible on every part of me.


    ¡®¡¯I sell sex yet I¡¯m not allowed to have any. I¡¯m not a fucking nun.¡¯¡¯ I snap at him loudly and uncross my


    legs as I m my ss on the table too.


    ¡®¡¯No, you¡¯re not. You¡¯re Alexi Carrero¡¯s property and that means something. Get used to the idea, it¡¯s


    not changing anytime soon, it¡¯s not negotiable in any way shape or form. Let¡¯s call it small print in your


    Fifty-grand contract.¡¯¡¯ That smart arse tone and the way he looks at me like a smug prick makes me


    want to bash him in the face with his bloody ss.

 Chapter 9: 9

    Chapter 9: 9


    I swear I think I might hate him already; eyes as empty as I suddenly feel, my heart pounding in my


    ribcage as I try to control every inch of desire to tell him to go fuck himself. I would rather be in a river


    than this.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t think I like you as much as I thought I might. You¡¯re no fun and you have serious control


    issues.¡¯¡¯ I start to get up slowly and deliberately, telling myself to walk away before I erupt and make


    this worse. I need space to calm down and think this through before I throw in one of my Princess


    tantrums and earn an enemy for life.


    Getting up fully I turn to leave, but he¡¯s fast, catches my wrist and tugs me down beside him harshly, so


    I practically fall on top of him my cleavage almost bursting out of my negligee with the way the fabric


    has been pulled tight. It¡¯s almost under his nose with how close we are.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t care if you like me. You will do as I tell you and suck it up, Sweetheart. Otherwise, you and I will


    have a lot of problems. This sassy whore act is not interesting in any way and I really have no desire to


    fuck you. I want to use you for your skill, make money and not deal with any female drama in the


    process. I don¡¯t normally hire women for prominent roles so this is a learning curve and you will quickly


    learn your ce, what to do and when to nod and say ¡°yes sir¡±¡¯ Alexi runs a finger down my throat as


    he stares at me cruelly, almost nose to nose, my chest heaving with my struggling breath as I hold it.


    His thumb traces over the curve of my left breast intrusively, which is bulging out at him.


    Tingles burn my skin with his touch, and despite myself and how much hatred I have oozing his way


    right now my knees press together in response and my inner body spikes with heat. I know what he¡¯s


    doing, it¡¯s all mind games and putting me in my ce. It¡¯s all about being my master and calling the


    shots, so I steel myself and bite my inner lip to stop any outward reactions or involuntary expressions


    that he is looking for and just scowl at him instead. Holding my body taut and stiff so he gets the vibe I


    want him to get his fucking hands off me.


    ¡®¡®Like I said ¡­ Control issues!¡¯¡¯ I grit my teeth at him and yank my wrist free as I re at the smirk he


    has going on. He seems unfazed as I disentangle myself from him and pull away to straighten my


    dress. Yanking it so my cleavage nestles back in thece, where it belongs. Alexi gets up to tower over


    me and just seemspletely amused and unruffled.


    ¡®¡¯You have no idea how much I like control. Keep it up London, and I might rethink fucking you just to


    show you how much I can make you not like me.¡¯¡¯ He smiles fully this time, sinister in that tone, his


    eyes paling out with a hint of anger and a lot of edge that tells me it¡¯s not an empty threat. My whole


    body runs cold as a wave of unease floods me and my anger simmers cowardly.


    I got under his skin anyway and yet my heart fluttering in my chest and limbs tightening are more of an


    anxiety rted reaction than anything else. I feel a little sick that maybe I am out of my depth where he


    is concerned.


    I know better than anyone that men can make sex a cruel act of torture. I should know better than to


    y with fire. He seems like he would be good at making sex horrendous.


    ¡®¡¯Maybe I should leave you to your drink and go to bed. You have someone waiting after all.¡¯¡¯ I answer


    him nervously, hating that he¡¯s catching hints of my fear, but I have never had to navigate someone like


    him, who sends so many conflicting signals. Gentleman and smooth yer to brimming danger with the


    possibility of demonic things. I make another move to leave but like before, he isn¡¯t done with me and


    stands in my way, catching me by the arm as he spins me back to him. Almost nose to nose as he


    leans in fully to meet my height.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not your hero or someone who wants to be your friend or lover. This arrangement was not my


    doing, but I will make the most of any advantages that fall in myp. The sooner you learn to nod, smile


    and obey me, the better it will be for both of us. You represent me now and therefore all you do will be


    controlled by me! Learn when to shut your mouth and y nice.¡¯¡¯ The deliverance is that low psychotic


    tone I saw in Lucie¡¯s office. I swallow hard and try like crazy to stand taller, lifting my chin defiantly,


    despite my limbs turning to jelly.


    Backing down to monsters is not the way to y the game. You have to show strength or they will walk


    all over you and pound you into the ground. I have dealt with evil many times before, I just need to


    remind myself this one shields it with charm and great bone structure, but he¡¯s no different to other


    men. I have to challenge his authority over me and not let him grind me down into the dust. Do not


    show weakness.


    ¡®¡®My name is Cami, not London. I can follow orders, thanks for clearing up that little debacle for me;


    now I know what line there is and what not to cross I won¡¯t waste my time or yours ying games.


    Enjoy your night Alexi, I am going to bed.¡¯¡¯ I say it forcefully, voice strong and hiding any hints of a


    wobble but my flushed skin tells a different story and the heat in my cheeks tells me I am probably


    blushing crazily. I can¡¯t hide my reaction from his eagle eyes.


    Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org.


    There¡¯s a moment of pause as he just looks at me and I wish I knew what was going on in that sharp


    head. I think that¡¯s what unnerves me the most. His brain is a closed and locked room while most men


    are predictable and readable in small ways. Alexi has a poker face that has been honed to expert


    levels and those eyes tell you nothing at all about the inner workings of his mind. Empty palest grey


    andpletely devoid of human emotion.


    ¡®¡¯I want you down at my office for nine a.m. We start going over the designs and brainstorming over the


    problem with finding escorts on a permanent basis and working out other fine details. From here on in


    you can call me Mr Carrero, and you can try opting for longer dresses and keep your tits under wraps


    when I am around.¡¯¡¯ He yanks my robe closed in front of me harshly and I automatically catch the fabric


    and pull it tighter in a bid to feel more secure. Scalded, seething and cursing that this went the whole


    opposite way to how I imagined it would. I thought getting under his skin was going to be a piece of


    cake, but I underestimated him.


    Carrero is a hard brick wall, and I am not even close to knowing him well enough to lever into any weak


    spots. If I even want to anymore. All my instincts are saying to never poke the bear and leave it well


    alone.


    ¡®¡¯Yes sir!¡¯¡¯ I grit through my teeth sarcastically, putting my all into those two words and try not to re at


    that stubborn deadpan face as he steps away from me with a furrowed brow.


    ¡®¡¯That¡¯s more like it. There might be hope for you yet. I like women who know their ce in my world.¡¯¡¯


    He smirks devilishly and then brushes past me with a sideways nce, dismissing me and his mood in


    a spookily fast moment. I swear punching him in the throat would make me feel a whole lot better but


    instead, I just start counting in my head and try hard not to erupt at him.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ve heard ¡­ On their knees, gagged and bound while Master has his fun!¡¯¡¯ I slur dryly, unable to just


    stop that mouth of mine when I ought to know better. It got me many a backhanded p or punch in the


    mouth when I was younger and I don¡¯t know for sure that he isn¡¯t a man who won¡¯t stoop to that level of


    control.


    I move to walk to my own room hoping that the padded crap on his walls has an actual purpose for


    more than aesthetics in his mostly ck bedroom. I had thought it weird at first but now I¡¯m thinking it¡¯s


    more than art. Muffling the screams of his victims nheless, and I should be running for my room


    and locking the bloody door.


    ¡®¡¯Sometimes!¡¯¡¯ He smirks and strolls off casually, like he owns the world before he opens the door to his


    dark hole and disappears inside to go do whatever to that poor alternative to what he could have had.


    If I had a heart I might even feel sorry for her, but instead, I am thanking my lucky stars that he didn¡¯t


    actually make me his victim for a night. I have seriously underestimated him. Part of me wonders if


    maybe I did have a lucky escape. I¡¯ve never been into BDSM or bondage, and the thought of letting


    someone like him tie me up and possess me cruelly makes my blood run cold.


    I was eleven years old the first time my mother held me down and let a man use my body for his own


    dirty need so she could feed her own junkie habit. I cried, screamed and threw up in my own mouth,


    and yet they never let me loose until he was done with me and the damage was irreversible to my


    fragile mind.


    I became a tool for her to get her fix and my own worth and sanity yed second fiddle. I¡¯m d the


    stupid bitch overdosed when I was fifteen but it didn¡¯t save me from the hands of her pimp boyfriend for


    the years that followed or the repeated way he would hold me down, tie me up and force me to take


    what he could give in any cruel way he wanted.


    I don¡¯t intend to ever let myself be put back in a situation where I can¡¯t have some say or some control


    ever again. I would rather kill myself than endure letting any man ever take me back into a ce where


    I was powerless to save myself. I won¡¯t be a toy to be poked, bruised, whipped, and hurt anymore.


    If Carrero is a man that requires that from the women he sleeps with, then maybe I should just focus on


    work and money and forget this dumb idea about manipting him for my own ends. He¡¯s hot, sexy,


    yet dangerous, and that makes an alluring package overall. He¡¯s not like most men and the added little


    S&M thing is not a turn on for me¡ªit¡¯s a deterrent that changes everything.


    Men with kinks and money are used to getting what they want, and I have no longing to be


    another controlled pussy for hire when they are notorious for pushing the boundaries as far as they can


    with no fear of consequences.


    I spent years trying to run free from that life and I won¡¯t be his piece of abused arse for anyone.


    Let him beat and gag his cheap sluts. I will stay the hell away from that and do what he wants me to do.


    Provide fucks, fun, smiles and product, and make a lot of money.


    Four weeks of overseeing refurbishments and my mood isn¡¯t exactly improving where Carrero is


    concerned. In a month I have learned nothing of value about him, not managed to get under that mask


    of indifference or be anything more than an annoying voice in his day.


    Hees and goes sometimes, with another bimbo in tow, and I am sick to death of hearing the


    women wailing like banshees through sex anytime he stays over. I never opted for a roommate who


    had a sex drive of a serial screwer, and I sure as hell don¡¯t want to fall into bed every night and listen to


    some pper getting off with him when I am tired and pissed off.


    I¡¯m frustrated as hell with they of thend and this is not what I thought it was going to be, he has all


    the upper hand and I¡¯m nothing more than a glorified concierge in the making. He¡¯s infuriating and cold,


    bossy as shit andpletely devoid of any normal human emotion.


    I feel like I might hate him, even if he is still too pretty for words. Our rtionship is strained to say the


    least, and we are no more ¡®¡¯friends¡¯¡¯ than we were on that first day. He¡¯s the hardest person to warm to


    that I have ever met and every move he makes ispletely nned in every way. He¡¯s the King of


    maniption and has a brain that seems to be constantly ticking behind soulless eyes that give nothing


    away; he¡¯s a yer alright a very clever, devious one who only lets people that share his DNA close to


    him.


    Everyone else gets kept at arm¡¯s length, and he¡¯s forever strolling in and out like Master of the universe


    and barking orders at me. I have had it up to here with him. Even if he only stays overnight a couple


    times a week and the rest of the week he is in and out like a freaking yoyo.


    The club is slowly changing. Lucie is sulking like a wet dog and avoiding looking my way for fear of


    reprimand from his master, and I swear if Carreromanded it Lucie would lick his boots. He tries to


    exert authority when Alexi is absent, but I have learned that ignorance is the way to deal with him.


    I eye roll, sigh and walk away like he¡¯s nothing more than a buzzing fly around my head and it gets to


    him way more than outright defiance does. He now spends all his time hiding in his office and hating on


    me from afar with ugly little squinty looks.


    ¡®¡®Here, I want you to go get a dress for tonight; opera suitable.¡¯¡¯ Alexi tosses a credit card at me across


    his desk as he walks into the room I have been sitting in, waiting for him for thest half hour. He told


    me toe up here and as usual, like every fucking time, he made me wait for him until I couldn¡¯t


    stand it any longer, then wanders in when I am on the verge of storming out.


    I think he does it on purpose and it grinds on me hellishly. The guy gets a kick out of me sitting around


    endlessly, bored to tears while he swans around, and eventually shows up to wander in and act like my


    purpose in life is to wait on him.


    ¡®¡®Run out of trampy dates to take?¡®¡¯ I throw him some sass, no longer able to conceal my dislike when


    he¡¯s around and I no longer have a desire to. Most women fall at his feet and I would rather just ooze


    hostility instead.


    His ego is big enough, and I am not going to add to it. For the most part, he just ignores me anyway


    after his initial chastising on my ¡®¡¯attitude.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯I want someone who knows how to work a man. I¡¯m finally making use of all the pent up frustrated


    sexual tension you have going on; it¡¯s business and I have someone I want you to charm for me.¡¯¡¯ He


    throws me a smug look and the thought of pushing his letter opener in his face right now actually


    crosses my mind. It¡¯s within reach and very sharp. I wouldn¡¯t even feel bad with leaving a permanent


    scar on that face.


    ¡®¡®So, no sex until you demand it of me, with a man of your choosing?¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t conceal my disdain, my


    voice dripping with venom to match my mood. It¡¯s no different to the fucking pricks who ruled my life for


    years. I¡¯m just another prostitute in a ssy dress with a higher breed of customer.


    Alexi makes me sick to my stomach and I sometimes wish I had the guts to poison his coffee. Alexi


    closes the gap between us, to where I am standing and tilts my chin up to his face with a finger.


    Surprising me with the sudden physical contact and immediately muting my mind fury. I be docile


    andpliant with the surprise of the manoeuvre and just stare up at him while rendered silent.


    ¡®¡®My property, remember? I said charm, not fuck.¡¯¡¯ He prates my brain with a loaded look and I lose


    all courage when faced with his hands on me. It¡¯s like being touched with a supercharged electric volt


    anytime he even gets close to doing it, and he can render mepletely useless in the seconds after. I


    hate that he has that effect on me.


    ¡®¡¯You want me to flirt and seduce someone to do your bidding. What happens when you don¡¯t let him


    follow through?¡¯¡¯ I query unsurely trying to shake off the effects of his skin on mine with very little


    sess.

 Chapter 10: 10

    Chapter 10: 10


    Alexi lets me go and walks around me into the open area of his desk to where his seat is and carries on


    looking in a drawer for something. ¡®¡¯You have skills, London, use them. Make him think you possibly


    would behind my back, but not enough that he thinks you will. He knows better than to cross me in that


    way and you are well versed in the wiles of the fairer sex. You drop practised mannerisms constantly


    and live on your looks, so I¡¯m sure you can handle it. Sex is one of your little games and mediocre men


    don¡¯t know any better.¡¯¡¯


    Fuck off, wanker!


    I hate that he can deliver a put down with incredible ease and a smug look.


    ¡®¡¯So I am to y adoring squeeze but give the man the eyeful and tease. Maniption at its finest; I


    guess he¡¯s a man who can be swayed by his dick otherwise you wouldn¡¯t be taking me tonight, right?¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯You catch on quick. He¡¯s a contender for the next mayor of New York, high in the right ces and


    influential. He has a thing for redheads and has a sexless marriage that makes him an easy target for


    seduction. While you¡¯re distracting him with your assets, I¡¯ll be manoeuvring some favours he won¡¯t


    even realise he¡¯s agreeing to.¡¯¡¯ Alexi straightens once more and pulls out a file from the desk and ps


    it on top. I can see from here it¡¯s something to do with property and I guess he needs licenses or other


    nonsense for another purchase. Alexi has his fingers in many pies and I cannot keep up with his


    multiple wheeling and dealing at all hours of every day.


    His phone never stops vibrating and Mico, his very simr looking cousin and constant sidekick, is as


    much a personal assistant as he is his head of security. He nks him almost constantly.


    I have learned in the past month that most of the business Carrero oversees is surface legitimate. The


    dodgy dealings going on in the shadows and if you didn¡¯t know any better you would mistakenly think


    he was just another rich entrepreneur with his hand in a lot of gold pots in this city. I happen to know


    differently though and overheard one of his millions of ck suits that follow him around talking about a


    weapon shipment in his officest week. Alexi confirmed a shipment at the docks, and I know he has


    enough narcotic product in the USA already to pave his properties with gold should he want to. I cannot


    even begin to estimate his worth or that of the family he heads.


    I know that he¡¯s just the front man and many Carreros are inteced in this empire, each with their


    personal dealings and businesses that make up the family fortune. Alexi is their nominated leader, so


    makes all the big decisions while referring to his board of advisors¡ª uncles, father and grandfather


    apparently. They sit in darkened shadows and help him rule from afar. They are not a family you want


    to annoy, but they are impressively organised and work almost seamlessly. I have no desire to know


    what shit he has going on outside of the job he put me here for.


    The less I know, the better. If I ever want a chance in hell of breaking free from his reign over me, then I


    will keep my knowledge scant. The thought of being tied to this jackass for a lifetime is soul-destroying.


    I am so over how hot he is on the outside when on the inside a soul-sucking demon resides and peeks


    out at you wickedly.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ll push up my boobs and choose a suitable prick tease of an outfit.¡¯¡¯ I pick up the card and slide it into


    my cleavage with a naughty little smile. Always excited to have a shopping spree.


    Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org.


    Today¡¯s dress offers a little ogle but it¡¯s long and fitted as I¡¯m a believer of having one peek at a time,


    and Alexi is more of a leg man. I have an ample bust, and he has never really gazed that way with any


    real interest for any length of time. Some men like legs, some like arse and most like boobs, but Alexi


    seems to change his mind based on the weather and today is not a cleavage day for him. Even with it


    right there for a free look. He barely nces at my girls.


    ¡®¡¯ssy. Opera ¡­ Go for something that¡¯s not ck so you stand out among all the tuxedos and


    demure mistresses. I want him to notice you first, put your hair up, you look more knock out with it that


    way and go easy on the makeup.¡¯¡¯


    What the actual fuck?


    I know he¡¯s a controlling bastard but actually telling me how to look tonight takes the goddamn piss.


    I don¡¯t think so.


    He has a knack for igniting that bubbling pit ofva deep inside of me that sparks my temper, biting my


    lip to stop the instant knee-jerk reaction to tell him to fuck off I try for a straight face.


    ¡®¡®I am capable of making those kinds of decisions. I¡¯m sure I don¡¯t need direction on how to dress or


    make myself presentable.¡¯¡¯ I let that tant disdain loose in my tone, despite my calm demeanour, and


    he freezes slightly; pausing as he flicks through his file. His body just seems to get a whole lot more


    aggressive without doing very much at all.


    One thing I have learned is how much he hates it when he is questioned or disobeyed, and I am well


    versed in doing both.


    ¡®¡®If I have to pick the dress and put it on you while having one of the bar girls get you ready, I will. I¡¯m


    telling you how I want you to look so that¡¯s what I expect when you walk down here at seven.¡¯¡¯


    He has an edge to his voice, a look on that tightening jaw of brimming annoyance and I throw my hair


    over my shoulder defiantly even though my courage has taken an immediate run for cover and my


    insides are recoiling a tad. He scares me shitless, but I won¡¯t ever let him know it.


    ¡®¡¯Fine, whatever, it¡¯s your money and I will just make sure you get what you pay for. I¡¯m amazed you


    don¡¯t want me to dye my hair too.¡¯¡¯ I make a move to leave, still going for sass but with a lot less


    aplomb, and just trying to put distance between us as he follows me with his eyes.


    ¡®¡¯I happen to like the hair. It¡¯s the first thing that ever drew my eyes to you. Red is your color, leave it as


    it is.¡¯¡¯


    Well I wasn¡¯t expecting that!


    ¡®¡¯Was that apliment ¡­? Are you feeling okay? Do you need to lie down and let me take your


    temperature? ¡®¡¯I turn and raise a brow at him and catch his stern look receding slightly, easing my


    fragile mood too and for a moment there is that rare thing that happens asionally between us


    sporadically¡ªwhere I forget to hate him for a few seconds and remember he is still fuckable. It¡¯s rare,


    but it happens.


    ¡®¡¯Just go buy a dress and don¡¯t make me regret taking you. If you behave, I might reward youter.¡¯¡¯


    That softer look and sexy half smile he does bringing out those surprise dimples he manages to hide


    most of the time. What? Reward me? Hell no ¡­ Not a fucking chance is he getting me tied up in that


    bedroom of his.


    No matter how much he looks like sex might be worthwhile, I have heard some of the noises from


    women he has in there, and I am not getting involved in any of the shit he does. I recoil with the


    previous moment of hate reversal and remind myself what a dick head he is instead.


    Over my dead body am Iying myself down to be a victim at his hands in his chamber of pain.


    ¡®¡¯You can just throw more dresses my way and I¡¯m content. Easy to please with shoes. I¡¯m totally fine


    with material possessions and don¡¯t need very much else;pletely shallow gold digger over here.¡¯¡¯ I


    deflect cleverly trying to make it clear that banging him is no longer on my agenda while injecting a little


    half serious humour instead. I see what he¡¯s like in life and that muchmandeering aggression


    being poured on a helpless woman is not my idea of fun. I will never be one of his submissive women


    and long gone is my angle of using him. Ever!


    Alexi just looks at me a little oddly, with that furrowed brow over narrowed eyes as he hones in on me,


    it¡¯s like he¡¯s trying to dig through my face and into my head and I break the look by turning away,


    brushing off both his intense gaze and the weird awkward moment of pause between us.


    ¡®¡®Go buy a dress. You have till seven like I said. Be ready, I hate being made to wait.¡¯¡¯


    How ironic.


    He sounds different and for a second I wonder what I said to get a tiny little reaction from a man that


    normally seems immune to me in every way. I am not waiting around to ponder it and high tail out of his


    office in search of Mico to drive me to the nearest boutiques.

 Chapter 11: 11

    Chapter 11: 11


    The opera is not my idea of a good night and as we arrived only minutes before it began, I must suffer


    it before I am supposed to seduce this so-called future Mayor of the city.


    We are in a private box above the theatre and I feel a little like pretty woman up here¡ªit¡¯s practically a


    remake if I was setting the scene, although Alexi outshines Richard Gere hands down in his sexy ck


    tux.


    The box is private, dark andfy, with a red curtain draped to one side should we want more privacy.


    The dark red, velvet seats are like posh dining chairs with extra oomph and padding and weirdly very


    formal. It¡¯s obviously a V.I.P. box as we are the only ones in here and seems we have a prime view of


    the stage below us, withplimentary binocrs, a balcony and a curtained entrance to our rear that


    leads to an outer corridor.


    My strapless dress is red too, seeing as he did say it was my colour; long, fitted and has ultimate


    cleavage boosting abilities under a glittering faux diamond ne that draws your eye to my assets.


    It¡¯s figure-hugging but kicks out to a fuller skirt past my knees and trails the ground when I walk.


    Alexi totally digs it, even if he refused toment or admit it; I caught him trailing his eyes up my


    curves more than once when we were getting in here and I wonder if maybe he is a cleavage guy when


    they are framed by the right outfit. This dress definitely makes the most of my girls and his hands on


    my waist when guiding me in here was a tad on the possessive side when other men strayed a little too


    close with a wandering gaze.


    As much as I hated obeying him, my hair is up after I spent an hour in a salon making it perfect and my


    makeup is naturally wless with a bold lip. Alexi gave me the once-over with a nod when I emerged


    from my bedroom and his appreciative nces implied he was satisfied with my efforts. It¡¯s probably


    painful for him to admit I look smoking, as much as it pains me that I had to obey him on every aspect


    of how I look.


    I guess I can live with it asionally when his approval is the reward. It makes for a less hostile


    environment and if the music was a little less ear aching I would probably be enjoying myself in his


    company.


    He isn¡¯t too bad as a date. Although he is a man of very few words. Even now, sitting side by side, I


    keep catching the little looks as he casts another quick scope over my figure in this dress. He only paid


    forty-six hundred dors for it, so I am assuming he thinks it¡¯s worth it. I did make him pay through the


    nose to look this good, but he would have the nerve to tell me how to dress and I wanted him to suffer


    for the privilege. He didn¡¯t even react when I told him I maxed out the credit card he gave me today.


    Instead, he took it and pushed it back in his wallet with zero conversation, nce, or emotion at all.


    I was expecting an outburst at least, seeing as the hair salon was two hundred bucks alone for the up


    do, then there was my nails, shoes, clutch bag and jewellery, facial, makeup, massage ¡­¡­ I guess


    money is not one of the things he is hung up on when ites to this kind of thing. That suggests he


    has more than enough to think of a few grand as pocket change.


    He probably doesn¡¯t know what it¡¯s like to scrape by and have to make a few dorsst you a few


    days when surviving on the streets, hungry and cold. He has no concept of that kind of life; another


    reminder of how far apart we are in reality.


    The high-pitched singing is giving me a headache, and as I nce his way, I cannot really tell if he¡¯s


    enjoying it or not. He¡¯s watching intensely, looking at all the characters on stage,pletely engrossed.


    With his skill atplete inexpressiveness, he could be having the time of his life for all I know.


    I still have not perfected any sort of art in reading him, and judging by his cousins frustrated digs


    asionally, I do not think there is a human alive who can read that face, no matter how well you know


    him.


    I¡¯m not stupid though and I know he¡¯s probably scanning the room at the same time for faces and


    people and generally keeping a watch on his entire surroundings. What with his constant nk of men


    standing behind us in the shadows, behind the curtains and I feel ufortable with the duo¡¯s


    presence.


    I get that he takes an entourage everywhere he goes, but I think he could have at least left them


    standing outside his private box and not almost right behind me where one of them keeps leaning


    forward to look down my cleavage. It¡¯s one of his younger escorts, and he has clearly not learned


    where his eyes should stay in terms of Alexi¡¯s possessions. He¡¯s lucky Alexi hasn¡¯t caught him yet or


    his eyeballs would be yanked out of his face.


    Alexi leans in close to me as the curtain starts to fall and turns his face my way, clean-shaven and


    smelling like my idea of a good time with his sexy aftershave and masculine scent and hits me with


    those almost clear eyes which always knock me sideways, no matter how often I see them. They really


    are his best feature, which is saying something, as his face as a whole is pretty near perfect in my


    opinion.


    He can give me butterflies even now, and I hate that my body jumps to attention whenever his eyes


    meet mine. For a sadistic arsehole, he was blessed with a face thates straight out of female


    fantasies.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    ¡®¡¯Interlude. Now we go find Demagio and invite him here for the second half. Get your game face on


    London; you have a future Mayor to impress.¡¯¡¯


    It doesn¡¯t take him long to hone in on the man and his very young escort, whom I presume is his


    daughter, or else he has a taste I cannot fulfill.


    Hanging by the glittering bar in one of the plush carpeted lounges, under low lighting and chandeliers


    as Alexi swoops like a bird of prey and is fast in pushing me and my breasts right under the other


    man¡¯s nose.


    He isn¡¯t shy about handling me in whatever way he wants, and tonight is no exception in that respect. I


    am a piece of attractive meat to be dangled in front of a very hungry animal. Alexi is the game keeper.


    Now I see why I was getting the appreciative nces from Alexi as Demagio bes instantly


    mesmerised with all that creamy flesh on show and practically salivates between them. Alexi knew he


    was a boob man, clearly. Another premeditated game y on his part and I honestly feel like nothing


    he does is ever genuine.


    Anger and a sense of hurt pride aching low inside my gut and I push it away as stupid. He brought me


    as a pawn and I shouldn¡¯t be upset to be treated as such. This is who he is.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi! What a pleasure running into you here tonight; I wasn¡¯t sure you still came to the opera, it¡¯s


    been a while.¡¯¡¯ Demagio literally cannot tear those watered green eyeballs off my derriere as he talks


    and even though this is something I am used to, I am finding it increasingly ufortable as his young


    date eyes me warily with a distasteful look. She looks all of thirteen at most and has a haughtiness that


    is reserved for spoiled brats of rich people. I ignore herpletely but it¡¯s hard when a teen is giving


    you the mother of all death res.


    Young, short, mousy brown, chubby and dressed in a mother approved gown that would be better


    suited on a pensioner. I can see why this red painted woman is a source of disgust and her mother


    must be a joy. Now I see why it is a sexless marriage. I am guessing this offspring marked thest of


    their bedroom romps.


    Demagio is a round, red-faced and balding specimen that reminds me of an over inted tyre about to


    pop out of his trim fitted tuxedo. He seems like a man who should be eternally greasy in a vest and


    scratching his balls on some swampy back porch somewhere.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m a busy man and Cami here insisted on this little outing to show off her new dress, didn¡¯t you


    sweetheart? Cami this is Marcus Demagio ¡­ Marcus, Cami Walters.¡¯¡¯ Alexi throws me a fake look


    of adoration and gently presses his hand into the base of my spine, so I am thrust back into the fold of


    the two men, with my boobs right up under Demagio¡¯s chin once again. I wasn¡¯t aware I had been back


    stepping to get away until this moment and I throw on an equally fake smile back at him, at hisme pet


    name and manhandling. Standing my ground, so he can¡¯t get me any closer.


    I sure as hell do not need any prompts on seduction from him. I can handle this on my own. There is


    more skill in this than just waving my breasts at the man and Alexi has noprehension of how to


    subtly work a man into a sweat. He is all about the full offensive and that is not how I y.


    ¡®¡¯Charmed Dahling.¡¯¡¯ I shake Demagio¡¯s outstretched hand and smile sweetly as he practically melts at


    my feet. ¡®¡¯He likes to keep me hidden in little dark ces away from any form of human contact, as


    though I am some sort of ugly leper, don¡¯t you baby? Anyone would think he is ashamed of me.¡¯¡¯ I


    flutter myshes adoringly Alexi¡¯s way and almost grin at the hint of annoyance that flickers fleetingly


    by. Demagio bursts into an over dramaticugh and brings both our attention back to him.


    He is one of those enthusiastic types who overughs at women¡¯s attempts at humour because he


    thinks it might get himid.


    In your dreams creep! You couldn¡¯t even pay me to let you at me.


    ¡®¡¯How delightful, you¡¯re a Brit? I love your ent, how very royal. Sopletely charming and funny


    too, you are just divine!¡¯¡¯ He swoops up my hand in his for a second time and attacks it with sloppy wet


    kisses that get an Alexi eyebrow raise before he looks away and smooth¡¯s down his jacket, fixing his


    bow tie a little aggressively.


    I try not to pull my hand back and wipe it down Alexi¡¯s sleeve, even though I get the impression he


    didn¡¯t like that little move at all. Demagio is a little more hands-on than Alexi would seem to tolerate but


    as he is trying to sweeten him he is letting it slide, I learned quickly that you do not touch Alexi¡¯s toys,


    he is not a sharing yer even when it¡¯s a ruse in his favour.


    Demagio makes my skin crawl but as requested I am all smiles and charm with little subtle touches to


    encourage the flirtatious y as I slide an arm in his, giving him the full Cami spotlight treatment


    which assures men I ampletely smitten for them.

 Chapter 12: 12

    Chapter 12: 12


    Really, inwardly I am recoiling at the overpowering stench of his old man aftershave and the mmy


    sweaty feel of his suit as he pushes against me a little possessively. Luckily, I am a practised hand at


    convincing ugly men that I want them naked, sweating all over me and it¡¯s as easy as breathing.


    ¡®¡¯I may just steal you as my date.¡¯¡¯ I squeeze his arm and nestle closer in a very touchy-feely gesture,


    smiling adoringly. ¡®¡®Seeing as you appreciate my finer qualities. Alexi likes to tease my English-ness


    mercilessly, don¡¯t you Muffin?¡¯¡¯ I flutter sweetly his way seeing that cool mask of indifference envelop


    his face as he tries not to stare directly at my arm in another man''s. He has taken on the unreadable


    manner that usually means he is not a ¡®¡®Happy Chappy¡¯¡¯ while reaching for a ss from a passing tray.


    I sigh inwardly and wonder if all men revert to children when ites to sharing, as Mr Boss as he is


    sometimes, he gets a faint stroppy look in his eyes that screams of man-child and now is no exception.


    My insides sink a little. I am still wary of Carrero even if he does make for a good night out.


    ¡®¡®How dreadful, you surely cannot resist this ent or that dress. It¡¯s simply alluring and I bet she¡¯s a


    vixen in the sack right? These English girls normally are.¡¯¡¯ His dirtyugh, inappropriatement and


    shifty look at my tits for the umpteenth time make me wholly ufortable as I am fully aware his kid


    is standing literally two feet away, her face reddening at his remark. It¡¯s obvious he has had a few


    drinks, lost his inhibitions and Alexi seems to almost exude a change in the atmosphere very rapidly.


    I know this type of sleazeball and can handle him a thousand times over if I was not under the scrutiny


    andmand of one intimidating Carrero with an ulterior motive. Alexi is making me just as


    ufortable with his weirdness over a task he wanted me to carry out and I¡¯m simply at a loss with


    how to respond, except giggle and yfully nudge Demagio coyly as though he is insanely funny.


    Flirt mode still intact, pander to the man and make him think he amuses me. Brush that ego.


    ¡®¡¯She¡¯s surely something alright.¡¯¡¯ Alexi grits through a smile with an edgy undertone yet captures my


    upper arm and pulls me towards him, so I¡¯m dragged free from the other man and positioned right


    beside my seemingly jealous date, who hauls me in against his side with a strong arm and a no-


    nonsense look stered on his face. I can feel the slight tense sizzle in the air and Demagio looks a


    little perplexed suddenly.


    With his attention ripped from my body he seems to realise who he is fucking with. It was subtle, but he


    got the message loud and clear. Alexi doesn¡¯t like me ying over there with another man, even


    though it¡¯s what he brought me here to do and Demagio is getting a very strong hint that I am Alexi¡¯s


    girl in all aspects.


    I, on the other hand, cannot tell if this is part of the act, or if he is genuinely pissed at this. I try to ignore


    it and stick to what I am supposed to do, my stomach tightening in knots and getting a little uptight with


    his change. I hate having to second guess this man.


    He really is a mind fuck! He is making me tense.


    ¡®¡¯Where are you seated tonight? We have a great box over on the left side.¡¯¡¯ I ask demurely knowing


    Alexi wants to coax him back to our box and even if he is acting weird, I know that is tonight¡¯s goal.


    Sweetness and smiles oozing from every pore and I try to nk out the stiff and uncharming attitude


    that¡¯s fast-growing on Carrero. I am ying my part like he wanted and schmoozing and smiling the


    future Mayor''s way with all the skill of a seasoned yer. He cannot be mad at me for obeying him.


    ¡®¡¯Is that an invitation Miss Ennd?¡¯¡¯ Demagio seems to have forgotten he was scalded and goes back


    to a full sleazy offensive, fuelled by alcohol and eyeballing my boobs once more. Leaning into me


    suggestively and getting a little too close for my liking.


    Alexi looks around the room yet keeps a firm hold on me, as he seems to be preupied with other


    guests smiling his way. His grip however, hints at something more going on in his head; he is tuned into


    Demagio for sure and not about to let me go cuddle up with the man any time soon.


    ¡®Walters. Miss Walters!¡¯¡¯ He snaps back into the conversation abruptly, with a tight smile pasted on his


    face, unamused, that Demagio seems to miss and corrects him. I am not liking the vibes, but I carry on.


    He is reminding Demagio of his authority I guess, and the man is too drunk and too hormone fuelled to


    notice, too busy undressing me with his eyes and fighting to keep his tongue in his head.


    I have no doubt I am already starring in a porno in that filthy brain of his.


    ¡®¡¯Sure is, and we would love to have you bothe sit with us and keep me cosy. Alexi isn¡¯t much of a


    small talker and I get so lonesome over there while he¡¯s intent on watching his opera.¡¯¡¯ I joke and give


    Alexi a nudge to remind him of why we are here, a raised brow and a subtle ¡®¡¯get with the n¡¯¡¯ in the


    look I give him. It seems to register somewhere. His face softening slightly and I sigh with relief as his


    grip on me loosens.


    I wonder if he thinks I may find Demagio attractive and am too convincing at what he asked me to do;


    he clearly is not a man who likes his y things to give anyone else the attention he demands anyway.


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    Wasn¡¯t that why he asked me toe here though, because I am good at doing exactly this?


    If he wasn¡¯t being so weird I would be on seduction overkill and finding myfy zone, but Alexi


    makes this whole thingpletely unworkable. I don¡¯t feelfortable flirting with another man under


    his gaze, even if it is something I excel at. He is killing my mojo and how I normally operate is nothing


    like this.


    I am all about sussing a person out first and using subtle wiles, bodynguage and my smart mouth to


    reel them in and get them eating out of my hand. Enticing and leading a man by the nose gets you a lot


    further when he thinks there are hints of sexual possibility. Alexi, however, has pushed me in like a paid


    whore, all tits and smiles and unting my sex brazenly. Putting my victim''s brain on nothing but fucking


    me mercilessly.


    Once a man¡¯s brain is fully engaged in that horny mess then you lose some of your ability to cajole and


    sweeten, and he¡¯s like a dog with a bone that zones everything else out.


    Amateur Alexi ¡­ I mean really?


    It¡¯s obvious Alexi is more apt at seducing women.


    ¡®¡¯We have plenty of room for a couple more and you two are more than wee. I have some business


    you may be interested in.¡¯¡¯ Alexi finally gets with the program and smooth charmer is back in ce as


    he gets over himself finally. I don¡¯t know what that was, but Jesus, the man really knows how to make


    me antsy. It¡¯s not like I want to bed this old chubby pervert. Demagio isn¡¯t attractive by any standard


    and his beer gut makes him look ready to drop a child at any moment.


    His daughter is ring at him with a filthy look of hatred and tugging his arm as if to make it clear she


    doesn¡¯t want to go with us, but he ignores herpletely.


    Alexi is distracted by more greetings and smiles aimed his way and I guess it is the first time I have


    really noticed that everyone here seems to know him. Looking around briefly I can see he is getting a


    lot of attention from various sets of eyes, nods, and subtle smiles. We are in the fold of the rich and the


    powerful and he appears to be some sort of celebrity among them. It¡¯s a little weird to be the centre of


    attention in this way and it just adds to the pressure I feel to perform.


    ¡®¡¯Lead the way and bring a fresh bottle of champagne for my new charmingdy friend,¡¯¡¯ Demagio


    commands, surprisingly dominant as he slides his arm in mine this time and I try not to react as Alexi¡¯s


    whole manner stiffens in a millisecond, hostility churning up like a tornado. It¡¯s pretty obvious he is very


    much a guy who doesn¡¯t like people touching his things or being told what to do. Even if I am a human


    thing and have a mind of my own. I know he is all about appearances and I can only guess he sees this


    as a disy of disrespect by Demagio, when surrounded by peers watching him.


    I can feel the pissed mooding off him in swathes even if his face gives nothing away. Demagio


    should be d that Alexi wants something from him as it¡¯s probably the only reason he has not handed


    him his arse yet. Without any more small talk, Alexi orders a new bottle to be served to his box by a


    passing waiter with a snappy tone and leads the way. Taking my hand possessively, he pulls me once


    again free of my new admirer, so we walk ahead and move further on with some speed.


    It¡¯s a power y to regain what is his and the other man falls behind in step with his young daughter,


    enough of a gap to let Alexi turn to me quietly. He smiles softly and seemspletely unfazed despite


    all of that,cing my fingers in his warm strong hand snugly, and I am distracted by how familiar he


    feels.


    ¡®¡¯Are you okay?¡¯¡¯ I nudge him warily, testing the waters and wondering what he would do to me if I ever


    truly pissed him off. He has mellowed almost instantly, now we are walking ahead of Demagio, and I


    am starting to really wonder at his change in moods. For a guy who barely tolerates me at work, he


    seems to be a tad overprotective now we are here. I don¡¯t understand the mechanics of all this game


    ying and etiquette in his world, but I am guessing people are always watching for things like this;


    chinks in his armour. I don¡¯t know how to read his face, but he gives off enough static to hint of changes


    in mood, and he has had about five since he introduced me to the other man.


    ¡®¡¯Completely fine; you¡¯re setting him up perfectly.¡¯¡¯ That quick look and half smile that gives me


    absolutely nothing from what is going on in his head, and he seemspletely normal once more.


    Boy, are you confusing and very hard to read.


    This is very new for me, and I ampletely out of my depth with this one. I am not even going to try


    and dissect the psychology of it. He clearly thinks he knows what he is doing, and I honestly do not


    have the energy to figure Alexi out.

 Chapter 13: 13

    Chapter 13: 13


    The curtain is due to go up at any second as we take our seats back in the box, Alexi guiding me to sit


    between him and Mr Demagio, and as I do so the older man slides a concealed stroke over my thigh


    out of Alexi''s viewpoint with his thumb. I do not react at all, just keep my cool and ster a smile on my


    face but my skin is recoiling across my body and my insides are clenching up on me.


    I have been out of this game too long it would appear, and my short stint working in Alexi¡¯s club has


    dampened my immunity to unsolicited male groping. I have a lost a little of my edge and not as immune


    as I used to be.


    His young friend on the other side sits forward to peer over the balcony,pletely oblivious to her


    dirty old escort and I hope for her sake it is her father and their rtionship is innocent. I don¡¯t see any


    facial simrities that suggest this is her Daddy, but you never know.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re a charming creature Miss Walters, most alluring. Mr Carrero you are a lucky man to get to


    delight in this beautiful morsel every moment of the day.¡¯¡¯ He leans over me to talk to Alexi and


    breathes down my cleavage as his face gets that close.


    I sit back, leaning so my breasts are prominent, and try not to recoil with the contact, making a good


    show of an innocent manoeuvre that gives him a boner. It¡¯s hardly concealed in his tight trousers and


    open jacket, and I nce at Alexi to see if he has noticed it too. Demagio is practically humping my leg


    like a dog in heat and I guess he is a little sex starved judging by his behaviour.


    He¡¯s an easy y; heck, I could probably get him to strip naked and do the deed right here if I coaxed


    him a little more. Eating out of my hand so effortlessly, because he is about ten seconds away from


    coming in his pants over a pair of perky breasts; that suggests he hasn¡¯t had sex that he didn¡¯t pay for


    in a very long time.


    Alexi looks mildly pleased and yet somehow not. He¡¯s giving me some mixed signals and I cannot tell if


    he¡¯s being hostile or happy, but there¡¯s an aura. He tenses a little as Demagioys a hand on my knee


    to push himself back and conceal some of the obvious trouser tenting he has going on. Alexi isn¡¯t


    making it obvious if he has noticed, so I am guessing he has not.


    ¡®¡®So lucky ¡­¡¯¡¯ He says with a slight hint of sarcasm and I narrow my eyes at him with attitude. I know


    his sarcastic tone very well, I get it on a daily basis. That smug look and twitch of a brow as he mocks


    me.


    So much for being jealous. Prick!


    The curtains start lifting as the band warms up and the house lights start to drop. I have no idea when


    Alexi ns to secure all that he wants to with this man, so I need to keep up this act of extreme interest


    until he does. I smile softly Demagio¡¯s way, sexy looks, suggestive body positioning and ce a hand


    on his thigh very lightly to give it a little tap. It¡¯s all the fine details.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re quite charming yourself. Your wife is the lucky one.¡¯¡¯ I wink, making it obvious that it¡¯s for his


    eyes only as I tilt my head away from Alexi and conceal my face slightly. He almost beams in delight as


    the room darkens and I go back to sitting upright, waiting to endure the crescendo of noiseing my


    way and bracing myself for this awful entertainment once more.


    I¡¯ll just be d when we are done and I can go home and unstrap myself from this lung restricting


    dress.


    For a girl who likes expensive things and opulence, I have always hated the opera. It¡¯s just noise and


    over dramatic acting for me and I would rather put pins in my eyes than do this on purpose.


    Content held by N?velDrama.Org.


    I jump slightly as a warm hand slides cheekily into the side split of my dress whiches to hip level


    when I am seated and it¡¯s pulled up. Fingers curve my skin and squeeze suggestively on my upper


    thigh, fingertips curling around to graze thece edge of my underwear and I freeze instinctively,


    knowing I should not openly react.


    I squirm in my seat a little; wholly ufortable with the unwanted searing touch of a man who thinks


    he has a right. Trying not to make it obvious, I nce over to Alexi to see if he has noticed, his eyes


    are forward and on the stage, sitting casually and effortlessly owning his space and I wonder if he is


    deliberately ignoring this. He wants favour with Demagio, but I don¡¯t think he will break his own code of


    ¡®¡¯touch not what is mine¡¯¡¯. If he could see this I think we would see his psycho sidee out to y


    very quickly.


    ¡®¡¯I need to use the powder room, excuse me.¡¯¡¯ I stand, the hand dropping away discreetly and I make


    sure I don¡¯t look his way. I agreed to y flirty but if the creep thinks he¡¯s going to get his hand in my G-


    string a foot away from Alexi, then I am all out. I don¡¯t need that kind of drama and Alexi will flip his shit


    if Demagio disrespects him so tantly. It¡¯s obvious the guy has had too much to drink and has lost his


    freaking mind and sense of self-preservation. Alexi will snap his neck in the blink of an eye for touching


    what is his, right here beside him in such a sexual way. There are lines that even I know you do not


    cross and I won¡¯t be ughtered along with Mr Stupid over there.


    As far as Demagio knows¡ªI belong to Alexi. Even though I don¡¯t, well I sort of do.


    Fuck!


    Alexi throws me a look that says absolutely nothing, maybe a little question as to why after an interlude


    I wait until now to use the bathroom and then nods with an irritated look; giving me permission to leave


    and I make my way out of the box.


    I pass the curtains and his two burly bouncers without making eye contact before heading for the


    sanctuary of the bathroom to get this shit under control. Face ming, heart rate elevated, moving fast


    and d that cooling off time might give Demagio some thinking space to realise he is trying to y


    with fire.


    My heart is hammering like a war drum and my palms are mmy with that very close call. I can


    pretend all I like that Alexi is just an arsehole who annoys me most of the time, but it¡¯s in moments like


    this when I fly too close to the sun that it¡¯s obvious there is a whole lot of fear in me from that man. His


    unpredictability that lingers below the surface is something I am eternally wary of.


    I cannot dismiss the reputation of the man, even if at times he seemspletely stable and normal.


    Demagio clearly has a death wish tonight.

 Chapter 14: 14

    Chapter 14: 14


    After an extended time in the bathroom and missing a lot of that infernal noise out there, I smooth down


    my dress, touch up my face and make my way back out into the narrow empty hall of the theatre. The


    corridor is deserted while the performance carries on and I take a moment to catch my breath and


    linger, not quite ready to go back to ying nice and thrusting my boobs at Mr Mayor just yet while


    fending off his wandering hands. I just need a few moments to regroup and ster on that seductive


    face and fake smile.


    Alexi has no idea how hard this act is to keep up long term when the object of your fake desire turns


    your stomach inside out. I catch sight of the man himself walking towards me and sigh heavily, turn on


    my heel and walk back into thedies¡¯ room, hoping he hasn¡¯t seen me. He was looking sideways and


    not down this way as though trying to figure out where the bathroom was, and I hope I didn¡¯t draw


    attention by sliding back in here.


    I intend to hide and wait for him to go into the men¡¯s room further down the corridor before I go back


    out and high tail it back to Alexi. Maybe a quiet word and chair switch will be on the cards until he has


    his little man chat and underhanded agreements sorted out.


    This isn¡¯t fun at all. I have no desire to be walking alongside him, cosily back to Alexi. Even though he


    brought me here for this I know it should be done under his watchful eye. He¡¯s anal about that shit after


    all. Mr Control and suspicion, he trusts no one. If I walked back there, arm in arm with the creep, Alexi


    would probably throw me off the balcony.


    I drop my clutch bag back on the counter and look at my reflection while letting out a breath, aiming to


    count to fifty before walking back out, trying to return to serene and calm. I hope I miss him and get


    back to my seat first.


    I¡¯m tired already and this game isn¡¯t enjoyable; It¡¯s only fun when it is men of my choosing, my goal, my


    control and the consequences arepletely down to me. Alexi makes this stifling and knowing he has


    boundaries on how far these men can go makes me antsy. He just adds so much weight to my nerves


    and having the factor of a psychotic man about to erupt should someone cross one of his rules makes


    me wish I could just leave.


    A month in his presence has taught me that you do not fuck with him. For all his calm and cool control


    and sometimes charming demeanour, there¡¯s an underlying vibe that Alexi is not someone who would


    think twice about ending someone¡¯s life in a slow and painful way. He doesn¡¯t seem to just go making


    orders to pop anyone off, but it is there, in the depths that you know he does sometimes.


    It¡¯s inevitable in this business that he oversees distasteful decisions like that and I have no doubt he is


    a man who has taken care of a few things with his own hands. He¡¯s a killer for sure.


    I jump when the door swings open and giggle at my stupidity as someone walks in to use the


    bathroom, forgetting where I was for a moment. I halt with frozen surprise though, breath catching in


    my throat as I catch Demagio¡¯s reflection in front of me, grinning like a Cheshire cat at me from the


    doorway and realise it was me he was looking for after all and this just went from awkward to serious


    very quickly. ¡®¡®Surprise. See, I took your little signal and came out to have a little fun.¡¯¡¯ He slurs crazily,


    swaying on his feet, and I just gawp at him, swallowing hard inplete panic and disbelief as my


    insides drop to my feet. This man is clearly a sandwich short of a pic and has no clue how dumb of a


    decision this is.


    I most definitely did not signal him to follow me for a bathroom quickie.


    Shit, the idiot is going to get us both killed!


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    Blood drains from my face, body turning cold as he walks in further and I turn and move away, backing


    myself against the counter with nowhere else to go. Flirt mode switched off and self-preservation fully


    enabled. I can read very quickly that is not in his vocabry, and he thinks I owe this to him. He is in a


    frenzy of ¡®¡®I want to getid¡¯¡¯ and there is no talking him out of that.


    Thank you Alexi, for ying the man your way and changing the oue of how he behaved. This is


    why I suss them out first.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t know what you thought I was telling you to do, but you¡¯re wrong. Alexi would kill us both. I¡¯m his


    and he is very clear on things like this.¡¯¡¯ I try for calm and controlled but my voice wobbles and he¡¯s fast


    to get in my face, running a hand over my breast possessively as he cages me into the corner I have


    managed to put myself in. I keep calm, even though my insides are crumbling and my heart rate has


    elevated to epic proportions. Body vibrating with instant adrenaline and I shove his hand away from


    pawing at me; my skin burning and recoiling from the unwanted touch.


    ¡¯You have been giving me thee on and a hard-on for thest half hour. I want you and you want


    me, he¡¯ll never know. Just pull up your dress and I¡¯ll make this memorable.¡¯¡¯ He grabs my throat harshly


    to hold me still and tries for a kiss but I twist free and manage to slide out from the corner and in turn


    him, trying to get away with minimal fight. He is too quick though and grabs my wrist hauling me back


    aggressively.


    He is drunk, stinking of strong booze and it¡¯s clear from his zed eyes and slurred speech that all


    rational thought is gone and thest thing on his mind is Alexi Carrero.


    ¡®¡¯No ¡­ Alexi will snap. He will flip out like you have no idea. You don¡¯t know what he is capable of.¡¯¡¯ I try


    defensively, but he justes after me, relentlessly holding on and yanking me towards him, no matter


    how much I twist and turn and try to wrench my arms free.


    ¡®¡¯So, you¡¯re a cock tease? Like to get men horny and then won¡¯t follow through? A fucking whore; a


    fucking teasing, trashy little bitch! ¡¯¡¯ His smile and charming expression drop like a lead weight and the


    grip on my wrists bites cruelly. This unassuming little fat man has an aggressive side and I just walked


    right into an inevitable fight.


    I have limited strength even against someone as short as him, so I go for diffusion instead; sweet


    voice, calming tones and trying to struggle less. As much as I hate him internally, and my body is


    screaming to kick and run, I am trying for calm and controlled.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. I was merely being friendly, you seemed like a very nice man


    and now I¡¯m going back to my seat and Alexi. Let¡¯s just forget all about this. He doesn¡¯t need to know


    about this silly misunderstanding.¡¯¡¯ I try to get free discreetly, but he jerks me back to him rapidly so I


    fall against his torso, off my high shoes with a stumble and try to right myself. Heart pounding as


    adrenaline spikes higher and I know that this only has one oue.


    I know from experience I can never fight men off, no matter how unfit they are and it won¡¯t be the first


    time I have been held down and taken against my will. Less of a fight means it¡¯s over faster and with


    less damage to my body. I can regain some control of the situation if I y along and allow it. More


    fight gives me a chance of getting free, although it is unlikely, and I won¡¯t walk out unscathed.


    He will rape me and God knows what else in his fury if I make this harder for him.


    FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!


    Damn you Alexi!


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t think so. You and I, we¡¯re going to have a little fun and you¡¯re going to keep your mouth shut or


    I tell him how you came into the men¡¯s begging me to fuck you. He will never believe a whore over me.


    We go back a long way him and me.¡¯¡¯ He lookspletely insane, sloppy speech, eyes red-rimmed


    and clearly very intoxicated as I shake my head, swallowing hard and twist once more to get free in a


    last-ditch attempt.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi knows I¡¯m not that dumb. He doesn¡¯t have friendships, he has acquaintances. and he will still kill


    both of us. Even if I did seduce you! YOU are not that dumb. Think about this. Think about your


    daughter out there, sat with a man who kills for a living and what he will do to us.¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t get my arm


    free and this time he jerks me back and grabs me by the hair with biting force, bodily throwing me back


    against the wall to my side and winding me in the process.


    He takes away all my rational thought and instinct kicks in with his sh of violence, heaving for breath


    and ignoring the waves of aching pain flowing through my bones from the impact. I used to be


    submissive and docile when attacked, limp and cooperative so it would minimise what they did to me,


    but somewhere in thest couple of years and freeing myself from that life I have found a fire.


    Men don¡¯t have a right to touch me this way anymore and I will be damned if I am going to take this


    lying down. I am not that little girl I used to be and men do not have a right to take what they want off


    me with force.


    Never again! I swore when I got free that I would be in control and never let this happen again.


    I start to fight back, hitting at his arms with bunched fists as he lets my wrist go to shield his face with


    one hand and starts hauling my dress up savagely, fabric ripping at the seam. His hands are suddenly


    everywhere. I¡¯m fighting him, pushing his grasping fingers from my breast as he tries to tear one free


    from its confines and twisting my face as he tries to bite and kiss me. It¡¯s like he has more limbs and


    speed than me and I cannot keep up battling them all at once.


    He¡¯s a bastard, not the sweet easy manipted old man he seemed to be, and he¡¯s bloody strong. I¡¯m


    thrashing about in a bid to fight him off, but he chokes me with a sudden grab and I grasp at his fingers


    around my throat, wing to catch my breath, instantly unable to swallow or breath. Half coughing in a


    bid to get some air into my lungs.


    Being held by the throat seems to be the universal way to control a woman and it triggers more of my


    fight to the death instinct.

 Chapter 15: 15

    Chapter 15: 15


    I try to kick andsh out but my dress is too restricting and his fat body pounding mine against the wall


    as he tries to get his hard dick against me is stopping me from freely moving. He¡¯s yanking at his


    trousers trying to free himself before he takes another try at my dress.


    It seems he isn¡¯t happy with our position and once again bodily mauls me. He drags me with him in


    frustration and throws me against the countertop, so I fall back on it, my legs kicking up automatically


    and I know that is what he was hoping for. A better way to get my dress up and knickers off; he grabs


    one ankle as I try to make a dash to get down, and he pulls me around effortlessly.


    The sliding marble counter against a satin dress just made me more manageable, and he has the


    upper hand, putting his body between my legs as I p out and try like crazy to fight him off. He¡¯s all


    over me like a leach or an octopus with endless hands and a sucker like grip on me and I scratch and


    gauge as hard as I can while gritting my teeth and aiming all my aggression at him.


    I will not let him do this to me.


    I manage to pull myself further up somehow so my back slides up the mirror and my arse is perched


    over a sink which gives me a little unusual leverage, my knees nearer his front than around him as my


    dress is too tight for him to yank them open without getting it up first. I try to drag them round to push


    him off and aim a bite at the hand on my wrist, scratching my nails down his face desperately and


    aiming for his eyeballs. I have no scruples in a fight and will use any dirty method or trick to win. I have


    had enough cat fights in my life to learn there are a million ways to gauge, maim or injure an opponent


    with minimal effort.


    I¡¯m rendered dazed as a p catches me out of nowhere and I¡¯m thrown sideways, bashing my head


    into the tiled wall before slumping down on top of the sink below me. I somehow end up face down in a


    weird position for a second, disorientated with the impact; momentarily knocked for six as I try to get


    my wits back about me. He¡¯s pulling my dress up from behind this time and pulls me bodily to him


    making it very clear he will fuck me from behind as soon as he gets ess but I won¡¯t give in.


    This right here is a huge trigger in itself. I cannot be taken from behind. Panic and fear envelop me like


    a red haze. Adrenaline spikes, fury and self-preservation and sudden strength bursts from nowhere;


    spinning on the slippery counter top to face the little prick I w at his face again aiming for his eyes


    fully and digging my nails into them with a venomous effort.


    Hallelujah for sharp acrylic nails and their freakish strength and durability. He lets out a roar of pain and


    punches me square in the face in a bid to stop my assault, knocking me back but it¡¯s a feeble hit this


    time and it only serves to fuel my rage.


    In the seconds of his moving back I scramble myself upright into the sitting position once more. Spitting


    blood out of my mouth I use my back against the mirror behind me to bodily push him as hard as I can


    this time, putting everything I have behind this one almighty shove; levering my knees until I get my feet


    on his torso and use both hands and feet with all my might and hope my stiletto stabs him in the


    process.


    I push with every ounce of strength and speed I have, aiming to both get him off me and damage


    whatever ribs he has behind that chubby torso in the process.


    He falls back hitting the toilet door dramatically with a loud thud as it swings open behind him, and he


    tips over in a drunken slump over the toilet bowl backwards. That gives me a chance to get free.


    His body dumped like a sack into an ungraceful heap as he lets out a muffled moan and I see my


    escape.


    Grabbing my bag, realising he¡¯s ripped my dress as it ps in front of my breast, exposing a strapless


    red bra. I hitch it up, jump down and run for the door like a bat out of hell. No hesitation in getting out of


    here like lightning. I am an expert in running away in high shoes, even if I end up breaking an ankle and


    I can hyperventte and freak out when I am miles away from this creep.


    Opening the main door in aplete panic, hot liquid running down my face while one of my eye


    sockets burn painfully and gasping for air; it feels like my face is swelling with heat and pain but it¡¯s the


    least of my problems right now.


    I am intent on just fleeing the scene, and as I do so, I run smack bang into the wall of warm hardness,


    unshakeable muscle with both shock and disastrous results, known as Alexi Carrero. I literally fall back


    into the bathroom onto my arse with a dramatic thud that sends me sliding into the wall behind in the


    most ungraceful way ever.


    Winded, rendered immobile andpletely speechless. I can only gawp at him from down here. He


    looks at me utterly surprised through the open door and then up and past me as Demagioes


    thundering after me clumsily and freezes like a statue as soon as he sees Alexi staring back at him.


    Summarising very quickly what he is seeing, his face hardens into an unmistakable scowl. I can¡¯t catch


    my breath, blood filling my mouth and running down my face. I have a bloody nose and a bust lip from


    what I can feel and every part of my head is starting to throb. My hair falling in my eyes from my updo


    and I know it must be obvious what just went down here.


    Alexi is quick on the uptake, even on a slow day, and I sure as hell never did this to myself. My dress is


    ripped in several ces, I probably look like I just climbed through some hedges and I certainly didn¡¯t


    deliberately add a bloody mess to my makeup for added ¡®¡¯vavoom.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯Alexi ¡­ I swear she came onto me and ¡­¡¯¡¯ Demagio is back tracking, stuttering and stammering with


    fear.


    Fucking lying little prick!


    Finally, the guy has the sense to realise what he has done as I sit on the floor just trying to get my wits


    back and myself into some sort of sitting position. Not easy when your dress is like a second skin. I


    can¡¯t move really.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    Dizzy, winded and aching all over as it all catches up with me in one painful moment. This is going to


    hurt like hell in the morning. Alexi doesn¡¯t say a word, his face returning to cool and nk. Eerily he just


    steps towards me, bends and catches me by the waist with both of his strong hands to pull me up into


    his abdomen and cradles my face with one of them, tilting my chin as he scans all of me with a


    completely unreadable expression.


    He gives nothing away to how he is going to react. He is in that ¡®¡¯show nothing¡¯¡¯ mode and I just tremble


    under his scrutiny, relieved that he has intervened. It¡¯s weirdly gentle and even though I can¡¯t stand him


    any other day of the week, right now I suddenly feel safe in his arms. Like I know it¡¯s over, and he won¡¯t


    let anything else happen to me¡ªitpletely confuses me.


    No man has ever made me feel safe, especially not one like him, who probably has the capabilities to


    do a hell of a lot more damage than most. Yet standing in the crook of his arm, under his protection, I


    know Demagio has no chance in hell of touching me again, and he¡¯s not about to flip out at me for this


    either.


    We are in the female toilets; it¡¯s obvious who followed who in this and a bloody nose doesn¡¯t normally


    follow something consensual. Alexi isn¡¯t stupid by any means.


    ¡°Youid hands on her ¡­ on my woman; on my property?¡± He says it so calmly and slowly it puts the


    fear of God into me, his eyes trained on me, not breaking eye contact and I just standpletely


    frozen, with my breath held as my body turns to liquid in his embrace. His focus is clouding over as his


    grey eyes darken slightly and the tiny tensing of a muscle in his jaw are the only hints of his rage


    building underneath his mask. It¡¯s not aimed at me but even I begin trembling.


    It¡¯s his sinister low and even tone of inevitable psycho.


    Jesus Christ. Demagio is going to get it now.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi, I¡¯m drunk and stupid and ¡­ I thought it was what she wanted. She kept teasing me and giving


    mee-ons ¡­¡¯¡¯ Demagio sounds like he¡¯s about to cry and I cannot tear my eyes away from the


    soulless greys keeping me rooted to the spot. Alexi is giving nothing away, just so steady and in control


    and that¡¯s what is most unnerving. His eyes on mine, and he has me mesmerised in a trance of


    unease.


    The withering mess of man behind me is proof that Alexi¡¯s reputation isn¡¯t just a myth. If the man


    iming to have known him a long time having a mental breakdown is anything to go by.


    I swear he has started bubbling and out of the corner of my eyes I see him drop to his knees to beg. I


    catch a glimpse of ck from the corner of my eye as one of Alexi¡¯s men appears behind him, and he


    finally looks away from me, breaking his spell but keeping me up close against him protectively. My


    body shaking and clinging to him for support even though on any normal day of the week I would not


    be getting up close and personal for anything!


    ¡®¡¯Take Marcus outside; I¡¯ll be a minute. I want to talk to him.¡¯¡¯ He moves me aside, hand still around my


    waist keeping me pinned to him, so he holds my full weight, still cradling my jaw with a gentle hand and


    doesn¡¯t react when the man sweeps past us at speed.


    Demagio is still stammering apologies and avoiding looking my way. Alexi¡¯s men are practically


    dragging him as he offers no resistance. Begging like a little bitch to be spared.


    I hope Alexi kicks the utter shit out of him and cuts off his balls.


    Thest ck suit follows, and I can hear the voices stray further down the corridor until they are


    hushed tones in the distance and Demagio¡¯s begging whiny tone is barely audible. I have no idea what


    he¡¯s going to do but I can guarantee it won¡¯t happen in the opera house, so publicly. He will have him


    removed somewhere private instead and deal with him in his own time.


    Alexi lets go of my face and puts his hand into his inner pocket, bringing out a white folded


    handkerchief and presses it to my mouth firmly, stemming the blood that was making its way down my


    chin. I lift my hand impulsively, to cover it, and hold it instead.


    His hand underneath mine feels different, even though it¡¯s not the first time we have had physical


    contact, somehow the intimacy of this pose and what just happened has me feeling out of whack, and


    his touch right now is doing weird things to my nerves.


    He is calming me effortlessly, soothing me, and we just seem to stand for a moment locked in a gaze


    before he says anything. It¡¯s almost as though everything else fades out and all I am aware of in this


    second is his close proximity and those eyes reaching deep into my soul.


    ¡®¡®Here. Compose yourself and fix your appearance, I¡¯ll be outside. Take your time, as much as you


    need. I¡¯ll wait.¡¯¡¯ He says it so softly, so non-Alexi and I melt with some weird relief that he¡¯s not angry at


    me and being weirdly human and warm. I feel like we are in another dimension, to be honest. One


    where Mr Emotionless has a hint of gentleness and care and instead of hating on him I suddenly want


    to curl up against him and let him make it all better.

 Chapter 16: 16

    Chapter 16: 16


    I must be drunk! He finally lets me go as I cover the cloth with both my hands, letting me loose on my


    own shaking legs and pausing for a moment to make sure I can stand unaided. Closing the door


    behind him when he lets me go, so I¡¯m locked in here alone, back inplete silence and blinking in


    disbelief at how this just went down.


    I know no one else will get in here if he is standing outside and I let out a long slow breath of relief. My


    life is always drama and violence.


    Ipletely sag against the wall and sink a little. Ovee with adrenaline and yetplete


    confusion. That moment was almost tender, Alexi was almost kind and itpletely threw me. He¡¯s the


    devil incarnate who doesn¡¯t have a heart, yet he didn¡¯t seem that way right now, he seemed almost nice


    and genuinely concerned about me.


    Who knew he could be so gentle with his touch?


    I trace my fingers over where he held my face and can still feel his heat tingling there. No idea why his


    touch could leave a mark more effectively on my skin than what that arsehole just did to me and I push


    it away. Unnerved by something so stupid and shake it off.


    I straighten myself up and walk back to the vanity, catching sight in the mirror of the chaos I¡¯m in.


    My hair is falling down badly, pulled and messy, my face bright red and swelling on the left side. My lip


    is split and my nose is bleeding from the impact of the punch. I run his handkerchief under cold water


    and press it to the areas that are swelling trying to get myself under control, and trying not to baulk at


    the mess that arsehole has made of my face. I¡¯m enraged that he¡¯s ripped my new four-thousand-dor


    dress and has ruined itpletely!


    I manage to tuck the torn fabric into my bra, so it at least looks like it''s meant to be and not like its


    hanging off, and pull my hair down, so it falls in soft waves around me, concealing a lot of my injuriesText ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org.


    instead. I rummage in my bag and use whatever makeup and wipes I can to clean myself up and limit


    the obvious damage. Hiding and tidying all signs of anything amiss, so I can get out of this building with


    no one asking questions.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t like attention directed his way and this would draw a lot of concerned looks. I¡¯m a dab


    hand at this kind of quick clean-up; I should be aplete pro at hiding bruises and cuts on minimal


    tools at short notice. I spent the first neen years of my life doing this on a daily basis at either my


    mother¡¯s hands or the sea of men that came after.


    Sadly, my first lesson in makeup was how to cover a ck eye at a stupidly young age.


    I take about ten minutes more, tucking and adjusting my dress to conceal the damage and smooth out


    the torn seams to sit flush before I finally venture outside as tidy as I can be. Nerves are also evened


    out with my respite and I feel a little surreal butpletely back in control.


    Shaken but not stirred, as 007 would say. My life taught me the art of quick recovery.


    Alexi is leaning against one wall further down the corridor alone and looking very suave in his ck


    tuxedo, like a man who belongs in grand buildings like this every day of his life. He¡¯s typing on his


    phone and nces up when he realises I am venturing out towards him, sliding it inside his jacket and


    casting a smooth look my way.


    His ck shadows are nowhere to be seen, and he pushes himself off his leaning post, walking


    towards me to close the gap.


    I have to admit, he still looks pretty screwable any day of the week and even more so right now that I


    clearly have some sort of heroplex over him.


    His eyes scan me as he slides a hand under my hair and cups my cheek to pull my face up to him once


    more in an easymandeering movement. I guess he wants to investigate the damage on show,


    probably checking I can pass without drawing eyes our way as we leave before he allows me to try. ¡®¡¯I


    hate men who think that it¡¯s okay to hit women.¡¯¡¯


    He says it so matter-of-factly that itpletely takes me by surprise. An unchecked statement said


    without thought and I blink at him in half belief.


    ¡®¡®What? Aren¡¯t you some sort of kinky sadist who gets off on this shit?¡¯¡¯ I baulk at him, and he just


    frowns at me as though I said the most absurd thing; letting my face go and smoothing down his jacket


    while putting a little space back between us. That weird giddiness from his close proximity is still


    swirling inside of me and I try to ignore it and not over analyse it. The body does weird things to your


    emotions when you have had a shock or traumatic moment and it¡¯s nothing more than that.


    An adrenaline high and a rush of emotional state. ¡®¡®I don¡¯t get off on inflicting pain on women no, I like


    control and sometimes restraint, but I don¡¯t believe in violently dominating an unmatched sex.


    Everything I do is consensual and rtively pain free, there is more pleasure in offered submission


    than taking what you want forcibly.¡¯¡¯ He says it so seriously. I have tough at the irony in that


    statement,ing from him. He sounds normal but there¡¯s a slight look on his face that suggests he is


    brooding over a pissed off mood and maybe now is not the time to point out theplete contradiction


    to who he is in what he just said.


    It is, however,pletely blowing my mind; really umon in the rich and powerful, especially one


    who has a thing for BDSM and severe control issues. I am speechless and literally do not know what to


    say. Not what I envisioned of sinister sexy Alexi at all. Maybe he does have a touch of human decency


    in there somewhere.


    ¡®¡®Are you okay? Do you need me to have my doctor check you over?¡¯¡¯ He startles me with an even


    more unexpected question and now I know I must be dreaming.


    Alexi concerned? I swear I have fallen into an alternate universe, blinking at him as though he has two


    heads and just shake my head at him, brushing my reaction from my face.


    ¡®¡®I am made of a lot tougher stuff than that, I have also bounced back from a lot worse. I¡¯m not a


    withering flower Alexi; you can stop worrying I may keel over with dramatics.¡¯¡¯ I point out and smooth


    out my own attire one more time as though to prove the point. I would never admit that it has left me


    shaken and a tad fragile, but I am someone who will move on quickly. I don¡¯t need weird mollycoddling


    from King Mafia over here.


    Alexi seems to gaze for a long moment in silent thought. Unreadable as usual and I just dismiss


    overthinking it. He is good at scrutinising and making you feel like he has you under a microscope and I


    just stand taller and throw on a face that says ¡®¡¯I¡¯m totally fine.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯Shall we?¡¯¡¯ He nods down the corridor after a moment, clearly letting it go for now, motioning we


    should leave and I agree with a practised smile.


    ¡®¡®What are you going to do to him?¡¯¡¯ I ask meekly changing the subject. He moves his hand extending


    an arm that hints I am supposed to take it and I obey modestly and silently. I don¡¯t get why suddenly


    he¡¯s being so chivalrous and almost¡ªdare I say it¡ªcaring. I think Carrero must be drunker than I


    thought or maybe he really does think I am about to faint.


    I slide my arm further so it fits snugly in the crook of his and nestle against his side, trying to ignore the


    sense of calm suddenly enveloping me. I don¡¯t like it in any way shape or form, or that he has an ability


    to make me feel this way and once again put it down to the after-effects of mild trauma. He rescued


    me, therefore, I am obviously finding some safety in his presence, nothing more.


    ¡®¡¯I haven¡¯t decided yet. I¡¯ll wait till he¡¯s sober and grovelling and use it to my advantage. I never got


    around to securing those favors but I guess now I have an angle and you can put your cleavage away


    again.¡¯¡¯ He smirks at thest part and I just roll my eyes at him.


    Really loses all touch of humanity taking a cheap dig at a girl who has just been messed up and


    assaulted in a bathroom. I was wrong, Alexi is still a prick.


    ¡®¡¯Gee, thanks Dahling ¡­ Nice to get permission to pack away parts of my own body now you are done


    objectifying them for your own gain.¡¯¡¯ Sarcasm and dryness to my tone and I fall in step with him as we


    leave this hellhole behind. My face smarts but I have more than enough ability to act like it doesn¡¯t. I


    am minorly pissed that he is making jokes already; if I was a lesser kind of girl I would be traumatised,


    sobbing and probably giving full on dramatics right now. He has no idea how lucky he is that I bounce


    back and get on with it in super pronto time.


    ¡®¡®I love the irony. Seeing as you sold girls for sex to support yourself for thest two years.¡¯¡¯ He looks


    serious,bative over my statement and I just re right back.


    ¡®¡¯Women cannot objectify women. I just gave them an offer they couldn¡¯t refuse. You however, just tell


    me what to do and spit your dummy out if I don''t. You just got me into a position where I couldn¡¯t control


    the oue. YOU are the one who just put me in danger.¡¯¡¯ I point out boldly and lift my chin at him


    defiantly. Not about to back down over this topic at all!


    Alexi at least has the grace to shrug and nod, he knows he cannot argue with that. If it had been on my


    terms and left to be manoeuvred my way then it would never have gone the way it did. You do not work


    a sex-starved creep into some sort of wild frenzy within minutes of meeting them; you take it slow and


    win them over emotionally first.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re right, and I apologise. It won¡¯t happen again.¡¯¡¯ Still effortlessly deadpan and I just follow his lead


    as we walk, dropping something I do not want to talk about anymore.

 Chapter 17: 17

    Chapter 17: 17


    What¡¯s done is done and I have learned to never linger on this kind of shit or else it just fucks your


    head up. Get over it and move on, look forward and keep going, it¡¯s worked for me so far and I won¡¯t fix


    what isn¡¯t broken.


    Alexi falls intopanionable silence as we move and it¡¯s odd that I don¡¯t feel awkward about the lull in


    conversation. He does silence very well when he wants too, and I fall into step with his easy stride. Sort


    of d of it really. I don¡¯t feel like chit-chat.


    It¡¯s even weirder walking arm in arm with him so cosily and close. My naked skin on his smooth


    expensive tuxedo covered arm, walking out like any normal couple who have gone out on a date. I¡¯m


    held tight to his body and trying to conceal my face and worst parts of my torn dress by using him as a


    shield. I feel surreal and lower my face as we pass suited staff wandering around in the main lower


    floor when we leave the corridor.


    ¡®¡®I was wrong ¡­ about the hair. You look better when it¡¯s down.¡¯¡¯ He adds in afterthought and I blink at


    him with more than a stirring of suspicion.


    ¡®¡®Why are you being so nice? It¡¯s making me nervous! You don¡¯t do nice so what do you want?¡¯¡¯ I nce


    at him sideways and catch a tiny flicker of tightening muscle in his jaw. It¡¯s either a thwarted smile or an


    irritated grimace.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    Who can tell with him?


    ¡®¡¯I just got you roughed up because I wanted you to y a safe bet for me. I happen to feel responsible


    for the way it yed out and like I said, I have no patience for men who use force on weaker


    opponents. This wasn¡¯t part of the n and I detest when I don¡¯t predict an avoidable oue.¡¯¡¯ Irony


    as I¡¯m sure he pounds down weaker men all the time.


    Who knew Carrero would be a soft touch for women under all that cold indifference. I still don¡¯t know


    what to think about his little revtion; this doesn¡¯t fit the image he exudes daily. It certainly doesn¡¯t fit


    the way he behaves towards any of us; controlling bastard with zero tolerance to disobedience. He


    talks down to his little bedroom buddies anytime he brings one upstairs, and God knows what he does


    to them when he gets them in his bed; contradiction entirely.


    ¡®¡¯It¡¯s not my first beating. I am practically immune to men pping me around and exerting their


    dominance. I¡¯ll heal, I always do.¡¯¡¯ I say it impulsively. That mouth of mine working faster than my brain,


    and he halts; turns to me with a hint of darkness in his eye.


    ¡®¡®That¡¯s not admirable, or right in any way. You belong to me now. No one will ever touch you that way


    again.¡¯¡¯ That soft tone he used in the bathroom, and I am rendered mute as the palest grey eyes lock


    on mine in some weird silentmunication I have no way of deciphering. Carrero is aplete


    enigma to me, and I am totally out of my depth every time we connect. ¡®Complex¡¯ should have a picture


    of him next to it in the dictionary.


    He leans in and strokes my hair from my face, runs a thumb over my swollen bruise forming lips so


    softly it makes my body tingle. Caught inplete surprise and glued to that wless face and not sure


    how to feel at all as my insides dissolve into water and trickle away. I am powerless at this moment and


    can¡¯t catch a breath.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t ever want to see you marked like this again.¡¯¡¯ My heart literally stops beating, and he seems to


    flinch at his own words, stepping back suddenly, almost as soon as they are out of his mouth and


    completely lets me go.


    It¡¯s like watching a curtain fall fast and that gentle glimpse of something shuts hard and fast as his face


    smooths over. He seems momentarily at a loss himself and I guess he didn¡¯t mean to say it at all.


    ¡®¡®Let¡¯s go back to the club; you should go to bed with pain relief. Put some ice on for swelling.¡¯¡¯ He


    seems reluctant to get too close again and I for one am a little d. Whatever that was right there, it


    made me afraid. Ufortable with affections and in no way in hell do I want to explore anything that


    makes my body react like he does.


    I swore at fifteen I would never let a man into my heart or my head the way my mother did, and I am


    not about to let someone like him be the first. I see what happens when women let their emotions


    overrule logic, and they be victims of their own heart. Well, mine died a long time ago and I¡¯m


    sure that not even electric shock therapy could restart the beating of my cold dead organ. I¡¯m an empty


    shell of soulless unfeeling and I have no desire to root around in the depths and darkness of my lost


    soul to find a little burning ember of giving a shit.


    I¡¯m incapable of feeling. Giving a toss about anyone but yourself is how you get yourself fucked up in a


    fate worse than death. It¡¯s how you let people both hurt and disappoint you. I have no desire to ever try


    it.


    I wake up with a pounding headache and a sore face and slide out of bed with a groan. Body like a


    tonne weight and very aware that I have had a physical assault. It¡¯s still dark, and ncing at my


    bedside clock tells me it¡¯s four a.m. and I sigh heavily.


    We came home, and I did exactly what I was told and came to bed, not really feeling like being around


    Carrero after that weird moment between us, even if bed was not something I wanted to do. I can


    handle him being his usually obtuse and stubborn arsehole self but the softer glimpse threw me totally.


    I don¡¯t know how to deal with him being different, so I avoided him and decided to sleep this off.


    Except I can¡¯t; I need aspirin and a drink to clear the horrid metallic bloody taste from my mouth. I feel


    like I have the king of hangovers and even my body hurts in ces that Demagio didn¡¯t even touch.


    I pad out into the apartment in nothing but my nightdress, pulling my hair up messily into a bun on top


    of my head with one hand as I wander through, and stop dead in my tracks when I see him.


    He¡¯s sitting on the couch, lounging casually with a lot of papers across the table in front of him and a


    laptop open on top of it all. He¡¯s still in his dress shirt and trousers but his normally immacte hair


    looks a little scruffier as though he¡¯s been running his hands through it.


    I swallow and take a deep breath and continue on my way to the kitchen, curving around the sunken


    ind seating area in hopes he won¡¯t notice me. I can¡¯t be arsed with a lecture on my skimpy attire and


    breaking one of his cardinal rules of undressing when he is around.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re up early.¡¯¡¯ That damned voice makes me jump and I throw him back a nce, dropping my hair


    to fall back around my shoulders like a fluffy red cloud. He¡¯s obviously in a chatty mood and I have no


    energy for it. I feel battle worn and vulnerable.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t sleep much, always wake up randomly, and I need an aspirin.¡¯¡¯ I start rummaging the drawers


    until I locate them and rifle in the refrigerator for a bottle of water to wash them down, suddenly aware


    that this has to be one of my most semi-transparent nightgowns, and I am not wearing any underwear.


    Guess he will just have to suck it up and deal with it for once. It¡¯s not like I have body confidence issues


    anyway.


    ¡®¡¯That makes two of us. I can¡¯t remember thest time I slept more than four hours in a night.¡¯¡¯ Alexi


    sounds tired and I nce back his way, noting that his normally subtle stubble is more prominent in the


    early hours of the day. It must grow fast, and I know he likes his early morning shaving routine, as I


    normally hear his razor going. Perks of co-habiting with him means I get to see him do normal


    mundane things like a mere human and it takes away that mystery a little bit. He¡¯s just a normal man


    with normal habits and doesn¡¯te out of a factory with pre-perfected immacteness.


    ¡®¡®Well, you do tend to keep yourself up with a little bit of activity most nights you stay here, maybe


    bypass that and you will have more time for sleep.¡¯¡¯ I flick my eyebrows at him and he smiles softly.


    Aware that every weekend without fail he stays over and always with a new bimbo in tow.


    ¡®¡®Doesn¡¯t seem to make a difference to you.¡¯¡¯ He jibes back like a smart arse, reminding me of the sex


    ban he ced on me, and it just irritates my already tender feelings.


    HA FUCKING HA!


    ¡®¡¯Some of us have things other than sexual partners that keep us awake.¡¯¡¯ I retort without thinking and


    curse myself out, I have this dumb need to overshare sometimes and I have no idea where ites


    from. I told that stupid Sophie about my birth name and my past in a moment of weakness too. I¡¯m my


    own worst enemy sometimes and you shouldn¡¯t give people like Alexi any weapons or information he


    can turn around on you.


    Number one rule of survival¡ªdo not give away too much about yourself¡ªEVER. Never show your


    weaknesses or ways that you can be hurt.


    ¡®¡®Such as ¡­?¡¯¡¯ He leans back on the couch throwing his arm over as he turns to me and rests


    confidently, arm bent as it entuates the open neck of his button-down and showcases the peeks of


    tattoo curling up from the depths and behind his ear from up the side of his neck. I always wondered


    how far and wide that ck ink spread on his body and it still intrigues me. There is no denying that


    tattoos make most men sexier and Alexi doesn¡¯t need the help. It does, however, add to the sinister


    look he has going on and that is not an entirely bad thing.


    ¡®¡¯Every woman has her nightmares I suppose. I¡¯m no different to a million others.¡¯¡¯ I try and blow it off


    casually as I locate a ss and take a pill to help with the throbbing of my face. Turning my back to him


    as I refill with cold water and some ice from the dispenser. I jump when his body heates up beside


    me suddenly and he slides an empty ss on the counter, pulling over the bottle of ginying there and


    pours himself a new drink. ¡®¡¯You said you were used to being beaten ¡­ So is that what you dream


    about? Men who have hurt you in the past?¡¯¡¯ Probing Carrero on the prowl for Intel; Something he does


    a lot.


    Nosey bastard.


    I know better than to trust his probing questions.

 Chapter 18: 18

    Chapter 18: 18


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not about to give you my sob story Carrero, it isn¡¯t some hidden scar needing to be talked about. I


    am great at moving on in life and forgetting shit that happens to me and you are not much of a shoulder


    to cry on. Not that I need you to be.¡¯¡¯ I move away to get space from him, unnerved by the way his


    presence is making me feel ustrophobic suddenly. My body still tingling when he gets too near and


    having a hard time keeping the flutters at bay, even if I do think he is Satan. I swear it has to be his


    aftershave or something that makes me react this way without effort on his part, sometimes it happens


    without him even touching me and I hate that cannot get a handle on it. The devil''s allure or something.


    ¡®¡¯Your history beyond appearing in New York a few years back is sketchy at best. My man couldn¡¯t even


    find anything at all about you before that. Howe you haven¡¯t been deported back forck of a visa?


    Do we have a secret husband somewhere enabling your stay?¡¯¡¯ He looks nk and it¡¯s hard to tell if


    this questioning is intrigue or something more and I just shrug.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m American. I was born here and taken to Ennd by my mother when I was two. I don¡¯t need a visa


    because I¡¯m a US citizen with dual nationality. My father lives in Texas. Dead for all I care.¡¯¡¯ I walk to the


    couch and sit down, carefully pulling my legs out of sight under me and pull a cushion on myp to


    cover some of what¡¯s on show. I¡¯m more than aware he doesn¡¯t go for my full-on seduction act and


    after tonight I¡¯m not in the mood to y it anyway. I feel like I just need a break from the outward


    persona and just time to sit and let my pain relief work. Time off from being a toy for men to push


    around.


    I just want to feel secure for a little while and not meet any demands or pushy questions while I get


    some respite. It¡¯s rare in my life to ever just get a moment to feel still.


    ¡®¡®You don¡¯t have a rtionship with him then? Is he why you came back here?¡¯¡¯ Alexi is probing still,


    eyes doing a great job of not perving on the parts of me he can see, and I shrug again. Knowing when I


    avoid answering he turns into a controlling prick, but I don¡¯t really want to have this heart-to-heart with


    him. If I get it out quickly, without emotion he might just drop it altogether, feed his curiosity enough to


    never have him pry again. He wants information and that¡¯s all.


    ¡®¡®Yes and no. I showed up thinking I might have someone to call family, and he threatened to shoot me


    if I didn¡¯t get off his property. He called me a harlot and the devil incarnate; fucking alcoholic bible


    basher. He inspired the red hair though with his sweet words of Jezebel and Lucifer¡¯s bride. Have to


    thank him for that and setting me on my new path in life.¡¯¡¯ I say it without feeling but deep down it stirs


    an ember of spite and pain that I try to ignore. When it came to the lottery of parents I bypassed luck


    with both and ended up with the barrel scrapes of the gene pool.


    I¡¯m d I grew up looking like my grandmother, from what I saw of her pictures anyway. She was long


    gone before I appeared so didn¡¯t give me any reason to despise her the way I do my biological parents.


    Alexies back and sits opposite me on the L shaped couch, giving me plenty of space, hunched


    forward as he holds his ss in his two hands and swirls it slowly. His eyes downcast on his liquid


    refreshment as though he is deep in thought.


    ¡®¡®Nice guy. And your mother?¡¯¡¯


    Really? Alexi is a nosey bastard.


    He likes to know everything about everyone and anything. It¡¯s tiring, and I am not na?ve. I know he


    collects information to store in that fast brain of his that he can use at another time. Usually to get in


    your head or under your skin; I have seen him do it with ease.


    ¡®¡¯Dead. She was a heroin addict, and she died at my feet when I was fifteen.¡¯¡¯ Actually, on the floor a


    few feet away, but who¡¯s picking apart the details. Stupid bitch did it to herself and I watched her die


    with no sense of remorse at all.


    Another little tingle of bitterness about a past I have no space for hits me low in the gut and I swallow it


    away with the memory. People just use you and discard you anyway, it¡¯s easier to cut off all emotional


    ties and go it alone. Her death gave me some sort of freedom in a way. One less controlling bastard to


    use me as a punching bag.


    ¡®¡¯Jesus!¡¯¡¯ Alexi, for the first time ever, has an actual facial expression that I recognise. He looks


    momentarily sympathetic, a little surprised and I try to ignore it. Same as the moment of gentle, it


    throws me and I look anywhere but at him. His mask is slipping and I wonder if it¡¯s because he has


    been around me for weeks now and is starting to rx, or if it is because he is tired and home and lets


    it slide asionally.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t care. She wasn¡¯t worth much as family. I¡¯m better off without those sorts of ties to people, they


    just hinder you and drag you down.¡¯¡¯


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    Story of my life!


    ¡®¡®Not all families do that ¡­ Mine are close. All of us, even the ones who stay out of this side of the


    business. My twin and my cousins are my closest friends and I trust no one outside of my bloodline, I


    care about them and I work very hard to protect all of them, so I can¡¯t imagine what being alone must


    have been like and losing your mother so young.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sits back propping his feet on the table and I


    notice he has no shoes on, only ck socks and it¡¯s weirdly informal somehow. As is the frank and


    open way he¡¯s telling me things I never expected him to share with me. I wonder if he¡¯s softening


    towards me a little after all and it¡¯s prompted this couch sharing thing he has going on. It''s surreal and a


    little disarming.


    ¡®¡¯Believe me, losing her was the best thing that could have happened to me and leaving that wretched


    country was the second.


    I learned I had to rely on myself and myself alone. People don¡¯t give a shit about you, only what you


    can do for them. Presentpany included, but it¡¯s okay because I know that¡¯s the reality of life, and I


    am fine with it. I know where I stand with you and what is expected of me.¡¯¡® It¡¯s why I feel safe here with


    him. Heid down the rules and the boundaries, and he has stuck to them. He cohabits and yet doesn¡¯t


    touch me. I don¡¯t ever recall a man in my entire existence who treated me as anything other than a


    fuck. Sharing space meant my body was theirs to touch in any way they saw fit, and yet he has had me


    here for weeks and nothing has happened.


    Alexi looks pensive for a moment and sighs.


    ¡®¡¯Tonight wasn¡¯t meant to happen that way¡ªI apologise. I should have had more control of the situation


    and followed him sooner. I didn¡¯t think he would have the balls to try and pull a stunt like that; he knows


    me well enough to be thankful his dick is still attached right now. I realised when I walked into the


    men¡¯s and he wasn¡¯t there ¡­ Contrary to what you might think of our arrangement I take care of my


    own, even if all you are to me is a business asset.¡¯¡¯ It is odd how the man in such few words can both


    make me feel better and worse in one go.


    I need to stop caring about anything he says or does because it¡¯s just exhausting, and I shouldn¡¯t put


    any hopes on being more than a possession. Even if it¡¯s not a sexual one.


    ¡®¡¯Clearly.¡¯¡¯ I gesture around my abode, knowing fine well he didn¡¯t have to give me somewhere to live


    when he took me on, and he¡¯s paid me generously on top of that since I got here. I don¡¯t have any


    needs that aren¡¯t being met, except one.


    It still bites though that he did remind me that all I am to him is a business acquisition, it somehow


    smarts a little more than it should. Leaving an achy lump in my gut that won¡¯t shift.


    ¡®¡¯I know I¡¯m not an easy guy to talk to, but if you need me to listen I will.¡¯¡¯ Another moment of something


    else sparking through and I realise I don¡¯t like these soft Alexi hints. That¡¯s what¡¯s throwing me off. I


    prefer the cold bastard who lets you know exactly where you stand and doesn¡¯t care if you hate him for


    it. He doesn¡¯t give a shit and I like the fact I know it and can just not give a shit either.


    This right here though, hints of caring or something ¡­ it¡¯s making me uneasy and I start to get up to


    leave before this turns into a weird tear fest of touchy-feely. I don¡¯t fancy sitting in a sharing circle and


    letting out our deepest, darkest feelings. I feel antsy and suspicious and I know I am running because


    quite frankly, this kind of shit scares me witless. I don¡¯t like people prying or getting too cosy and cuddly


    with me, it makes me nervous and mistrustful. I am not one for all that ¡®¡®Kumbaya¡¯¡¯ round a campfire


    nonsense.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t need a shrink or an ear to bend. I need sleep and some concealer to get through the day.


    Goodnight Carrero, or good morning, whatever.¡¯¡¯ The best thing will be to go to bed and cut this


    conversation right now. Leave him to his gin.


    ¡®¡®London?¡¯¡¯ He stops me as I wriggle off the couch without shing him any more than I have to. He


    doesn¡¯t bother to avert his eyes though and I hate that fucking name. Irritation rising fast in my


    stomach. He uses it sporadically¡ªI think probably just to annoy me and I turn on him moodily.


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯You can trust me ¡­ to an extent.¡¯¡¯


    He just looks strange. Like he is going for sincere but something does not quite sit right with me.


    HA FUCKING HA!


    I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s a joke or just irony. He¡¯s thest person in the world I would trust with anything.


    Even I am not that dumb to believe Mr yer''s smooth tongue; he works and coerces people every


    day and this right here is just another game to him.


    I click as I realise the soft hints are really manipted drop attacks and suddenly it is alling into


    focus with amazing rity. He¡¯s trying to get in and under my wall and I can¡¯t believe I was so stupid I


    didn¡¯t see it until this very moment, but now it¡¯s crystal clear in one little sentence. He just yed me for


    information he couldn¡¯t dig up by himself and I walked into it like a goddamn amateur. He said it


    himself. His man couldn¡¯t dig up info on me beforeing to the USA and Carrero is a nosey fuck who


    needs to know everything about everything.


    That sneaky Arsehole.


    You get one Carrero ¡­ Not again.


    I feel so stupid that I almost fell for it. In fact, I DID fall for it.


    Arsehole.


    Utter Prick.


    Carrero is a devious snake, and he probably gives no more shits about tonight than he does about


    some random girl on the street going through the same ordeal. It¡¯s all just a gamey and another


    level of how he operates. He wanted my little sad backstory and now he has it, and I am left furious that


    he would pull the gentle hero card while I am in a fragile state.


    If that¡¯s the way you want to y, then two can y at the nice game. I¡¯m going to be so goddamn


    adoring and puppy-eyed you are going to think I genuinely like you. See what I can extract from that


    stiff exterior and learn about you.


    If he thinks I am going to roll over and be manipted by him then he has another thinging.


    Let the war begin.


    Wanker!

 Chapter 19

    Chapter 19


    I stand admiring the finished bar and lounge area from my viewpoint on the stairs with a huge surge of


    pride swelling inside of me, walking to the deep sunken area and turn in a full circle taking in all the


    newly designed and staged areas around me. The whole club looks amazing and the ck and gold


    palette with greys and subtle whites make it not only luxurious and nightclub feely but there¡¯s a hint of


    sexy in all the fixtures and fittings. Low ceilings, soft lighting and plush upholstery.


    This refurb hase in at over a million in costs from what I have been able to count and the whole


    ce is dazzling and sensual.


    Exactly the kind of club I would have put together if it was mine and I simply adore it. It screams of


    ss yet has a sinister edge that ispletely sexy¡ªweirdly the same way I would describe Alexi.


    A long granite topped ck bar curving around a central pired wall of bottles in a half arc to one side,


    overlooking therge couch edged room and little nooks of morous privacy. The hall now leads to


    fifteen little themed boudoirs¡ªone for every taste, and that has been repeated upstairs with matching


    rooms and ten more.


    We have twomunity areas, the second floor is our private V.I.P. area with its own bar and I literally


    cannot love my surroundings any more than I do.


    I was all about the fine details and little touches while Alexi was focused on the bigger picture and the


    whole feel of what he wanted. We came together and dare I say it, made a great little design team. One


    thing about Carrero is that we have simr tastes in decor and it is one area we never argued at all. I


    even love his bachelor pad upstairs and the progress meetings we had were almost enjoyable. We can


    be a good duo when we have a simr goal to focus on; when we stop bickering to just work.


    Alexi has built himself a very upper-ss whore house and already he has members queuing up at the


    doors to sample the Carrero hospitality. He has located a paid dating agency going into liquidation, and


    he¡¯s slowly procuring the escorts on their books onto his own. Being selective and picking them based


    on kink and ss. He knows what he wants, and he has swooped in and taken control of all aspects of


    that area, of which I am thankful.


    I spent enough of my life elbow deep in sordid, and it¡¯s nice to hand it over to someone more capable


    of taking it in his stride.


    ¡®¡®Club Carrero.¡¯¡¯ My nickname for this little endeavour that he finally stuck with, is lookingpletely


    divine. I have goosebumps for our opening tonight, and already the staff are bustling round stocking the


    bar and ice coolers, polishing sses and making everything ready for show time.


    I¡¯m just admiring all our hard work and dedication with onest scrutinising walkthrough. The old bar


    staff have all been fired, they were ipetent anyway and now we have hired cocktail skilled


    bartenders and servers. Uniforms are unusually modest, considering the aim of this ce. The non-


    sexual staff are all in ck tie and waistcoats¡ªtrousers for the men and knee-length skirts for the


    women and a ¡®¡¯hands off¡¯¡¯ policy on anyone that isn¡¯t contracted to give out favours.


    We have distinct differences in the requirements of our staff. Just the way Alexi wanted it.


    Product will be distributed by Alexi¡¯s men; a perk of being a member and all cash paid via membership,


    so it¡¯s an open bar with all kinks on the house. You pay to be a part of it and everything else is free.


    He¡¯s charging a ton and more for his powerful associates to get their nose in the door, and with twenty-


    five members a night only list, it can be controlled. They must book a month in advance for the nights


    they want and his list is already into the hundreds. He is making them pay through the nose for both the


    pleasure of what he offers and the chance to rub shoulders with people they might not normallye


    across any other way.


    Men like him love to y, but they always like to have an angle and make connections that serve them


    well. He has it all tied up in the perfect package under one roof. Men doing what makes them happy¡ª


    kicking back with other men while a flow of booze and cocaine keeps them perked and rxed and


    women suck and fuck them to their heart''s content. Raw and primal. Alexi knows what works.


    The waiting list is piling up from his contacts but his idea of one member for each room means no one


    will ever have to wait to get served. Each room is tailored to a variety of specs and tastes and women


    or men chosen ordingly. A member is awarded a card when they arrive, which gives ess to the


    themed room of their choosing. That means every night, twenty-five rooms are suited to twenty-five


    guests and it keeps everyone happy.


    It¡¯s a brain ache nning out the guest lists to never ovep what they desire, a bit like pre-booking a


    table at a restaurant that serves a specific diet. This club is where business and crime meet; everything


    looks and feels above board. Proper employee contracts, and measures to keep things safe and


    regted. Despite the fact he sells sex and drugs under this roof!


    He doesn¡¯t care how sordid a request a member has if his woman or man is consensual and safe


    words are used withoutint. Every client has a non-disclosure use in their sign up and the


    staff all have them too; nothing can go outside of these walls unless Alexi has a need for it too and


    getting in is like breaking into a fortress, what with the new triple entry system and lines of ck suited


    men wandering around all night. They¡¯re all armed, easy to spot and terrifyingly huge with wireless


    headphones and mics on full show.


    Carrero¡¯s infamous ¡®Men in ck¡¯.


    ¡®¡®You must be Cami?¡¯¡¯ A voice much like Alexi¡¯s snaps me out of my obsessive detail checking and I


    turn in surprise at a tall dark stranger that could almost be him, standing in front of me suddenly.


    Looming over me in a very spooky moment of ¡®¡®I must be seeing things.¡¯¡¯


    I do a double take, inhaling sharply and mighty confused with the doppelganger that is most definitely


    NOT Alexi.


    ¡®¡¯Yes ¡­ How did you ¡­?¡¯¡¯ I ampletely gawping at the insanity that someone could look that much


    like another person. It¡¯s freaky and knocking me all sorts of weird.


    ¡®¡¯Get in here? Perks of being Lex¡¯s twin. He mentioned he had a very sexy redhead running things


    down here. I¡¯m Gino.¡¯¡¯ He extends a hand and it¡¯s hard not to see this muscr giant is his brother,


    they are almostpletely identical in looks, minus the eyes. This one has blue and it makes a huge


    difference to the whole package. Somehow adding some life and colour to his whole face and softening


    it remarkably. I take his hand delicately and give it a little shake, still trying not to stare so obviously but


    it¡¯s uncanny. I have never met twins before, never met people who are literally from the same mould in


    so many ways. He stands, looks like, sounds like and is built as beautifully, as Alexi. Although, I can


    still tell them apart, even without the eye colour.


    ¡®¡¯Pleasures all mine.¡¯¡¯ I smile sexily, and he breaks into a very non-Alexi grin. It¡¯s strange to see on a


    familiar face that never tends to smile like this. Odd.


    I have to blink a few times to adjust to the strangeness.


    ¡®¡®He said you brought a touch of royalty to his pce, I can see what he meant now. The ent really


    is the cherry on top of the whole package isn¡¯t it.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s very frank and forward I¡¯ll give him that and far


    more animated and rxed in mannerpared to Alexi. If Alexi had a personality transnt maybe,


    then he could be him.


    I am a little touched that Alexi said something positive about me though. Stupid butterflies and teen girl


    reactions and I shake them away asplete nonsense. Ignoring the warmth spreading through my


    abdomen.


    ¡®¡®Which one of you is the eldest?¡¯¡¯ Twins have always intrigued me and these two are very alluring to


    me.


    ¡®¡®Me, although he acts like he should have been. Mr Boss and all that, I was born fifteen minutes earlier


    and I never let him forget it.¡¯¡¯ He grins again and this time with an air of cheeky and likeability, a hint


    that Gino is not a part of this world in the way Alexi is. A personality like his wouldn¡¯t be an advantage,


    he¡¯s too friendly, too smiley; unless like his brother he uses charm to disarm and is aplete psycho


    underneath. The masks they wear and all that.


    He doesn¡¯t give me the same sense of unease as his brother though and normally my gut instincts are


    honed to the danger factor. That sinister edge ispletely missing.


    ¡®¡®He¡¯s around somewhere, probably his office upstairs. I saw him earlier; would you like me to take you


    there?¡¯¡¯ I answer politely, pointedly and nod towards the internal door to the hall. Not really angling to


    stand and chatter to the look-alike when I have actual things to be doing.


    ¡®¡®Nahhh I know the way, I helped him choose this ce when he was scouting for a back-alley venue


    for his future man pad. I helped him sort out the apartment upstairs when he first started using it.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®I see ¡­ As in D.I.Y.?¡¯¡¯ I find that unusual for someone with Alexi¡¯s pay packet. Surely he would just


    hire someone in.


    ¡®¡¯No. I run a security firm, I installed all his high tech upstairs and you know ¡­ hand scanners and all


    the cameras in both the apartment and the other floors.¡¯¡¯


    My face falls, wave of unearthly chilling over me with that little detail. Cameras in the apartment?


    Since fucking when?


    ¡®¡¯I see.¡¯¡¯ I falter trying not to give my surprise away and mentally start cursing Carrero out. Stomach


    flipping over in knots as it dawns on me, what he just said.Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    He¡¯s been filming the apartment this whole goddamn time, almost five months of me living here under


    his roof and never once told me. It feels like aplete vition.


    Complete fucking arsehole!

 Chapter 20

    Chapter 20


    I walk around naked when I am home alone, and I have more than once got myself off on the couch in


    full view while watching porn on his huge TV, stuck to the goddamn wall. I am not exactly shy about


    self-pleasuring or even just doing my yoga work outpletely starkers in the lounge.


    Who the hell watches the footage back? That pervy silent guard on the third floor?


    Oh, my God!


    My blood runs cold at the thought and I wonder if he has cameras in my bedroom? Now knowing this,


    how much of my time alone does he get to see and what does he do with it after?


    I feel physically sick with both the thought of it and my fury bubbling likeva deep in my gut is fast


    combatting the initial shocked ickiness in my bones.


    ¡®¡¯You didn¡¯t know, did you?¡¯¡¯ He looks amused and even though I am trying not to react I can see he has


    that uncanny Alexi trait of reading people. He also has the same smug arsehole way of finding the most


    inappropriate shit amusing.


    ¡®¡®No, I wasn¡¯t aware I was living in the Big Brother house and having my every move watched by some


    greasy little pervert of a security goon.¡¯¡¯ I feel pissed, as I should. It¡¯s so underhanded, and so much for


    ¡®¡¯you can trust me¡¯¡¯ I guess that¡¯s what the ¡®¡®to an extent¡¯¡¯ was all about. I am absolutely fuming! Body


    vibrating and trying to keep still as my inner fight perks up.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi is the only one with ess to the apartment cameras. He has a direct link to them on his


    devices¡ªthumbprint activated. He can choose to have them go to sleep and only record when there is


    movement upstairs.¡¯¡¯ Yes, like me masturbating on his leather couch. Great. I hope he enjoyed the


    show because it¡¯s thest one he will be getting. I should never underestimate that prick.


    ¡®¡¯He should have told me. It¡¯s aplete invasion of my privacy.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯Yeah. Go tell Alexi that, and good luck.¡¯¡¯ Ginoughs at me and swaggers past with that same self-


    assured confident walk of a guy who''s always been chased by women his whole life, yet I find him less


    attractive than his darker counterpart.


    Gino is the sunny one; clearly not into the same shit as his brother and therefore probably a trustworthy


    and likeable fellow.


    Boring.


    He also isn¡¯t a sneaky arsehole who spies on his prisoners.


    I watch him walk away, a little awed at how from the back, minus the jeans and hoody, he looks exactly


    like him. Same broad shoulders and solid frame, same tall sexy swagger and nice tight arse, as he


    walks through the bar. He is effortlessly turning the heads of the new bar staff as he goes by. I lose


    interest as my eyes fall on the tanned broad neck and see it¡¯spletely free of Alexi¡¯s tell-tale dragon


    tattoo, that sits there growling at you all day long. It¡¯s as fierce as he is, and without it, Gino seems


    decidedly dull. He just does not have that aura around him that Alexi wears like a second skin. That


    danger that lies below the surface, and as much as it makes me uneasy every time I see him, I realise


    without it Gino is not of any interest to me at all.


    I always did like a bit of danger.


    ¡®¡®Miss Walters. The beer delivery is here ¡­ Where does it go again?¡¯¡¯ A small female voice curls


    around me, grabbing my attention and I turn to the small mousy wench before me. She¡¯s been here two


    days and already herck of initiative is pissing me off. She looks like an overgrown Disney character


    with her big eyes and over pouty mouth. Irritation biting me instantly.


    ¡®¡®How about in the cer with all the other booze Dahling? Or is that too much of a mind stretch to figure


    out?¡¯¡¯ I raise a brow at her and get a kick of satisfaction with the shocked and then wounded expression


    covers her face. I know that being a bitch is unnecessary but the second you show any form of nice to


    these people they stop doing as they¡¯re told and start taking advantage, gettingx. Show them not to


    fuck with you right away and you are less likely to have to deal with any drama. I don¡¯t need friends or


    to win any poprity contests. Alexi pays me to do a job, not earn chums and I will do it without


    unnecessary emotional baggage.


    ¡®¡®Right. And that would be ¡­?¡¯¡¯ She looks around like a dumb bimbo as though the cer is going to be


    in in sight. Can¡¯t quiteprehend they are usually found below ground. I roll my eyes and sigh


    dramatically.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m assuming where they normally keep cers ¡­ Under the building.¡¯¡¯ I exhale heavily and push past


    her inplete disinterest.


    ¡®¡¯Brandon?¡¯¡¯ I call out to the tall blonde, Thor lookalike, putting the new cocktail shakers on the shelf


    behind him.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, Miss Walters?¡¯¡¯ He turns quickly, snapping to attention with a smile and I smile back, always


    pleased at his over enthusiastic puppy routine. I like his eagerness and willingness to please. Mousy


    should take notes; instead, she¡¯s following me like a lost child and about to get a smack in the face if


    she doesn¡¯t step back a little.


    ¡®¡¯Over-see the beer delivery, make sure you bring the invoice up to my office when you¡¯re done. And


    give Dimwit here a tour of what a basement looks like.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯Yes Ma¡¯am,¡¯¡¯ he nods¡ªthat sweet little southern belle of a boy, obviously gay and I head off in search


    of the lift to go grace the Carrero brothers with my pleasure.


    I have a couple things I need Alexi to sign off on and part of me is dying to see them side by side and


    compare how far the simrities go. A bit like watching a Ying and Yang of sorts, and I am crazily


    curious.


    I wander through the lobby and straight into Carrero¡¯s office; well mine now, seeing as he gave it to me


    as he¡¯s here once a week at most. Lucie almost choked on his own tongue that day, and he has been


    slinking in the shadows scowling from afar ever since. He stays out of my way and I stay out of his; no


    idea what he even does here anymore as Alexi removed all his privileges, and he¡¯s nothing more than


    a desk dweller who just adds a bad mood to the atmosphere.


    I think because he¡¯s family he allows him to stay, but he doesn¡¯t want him anywhere else in his


    business and has nowhere else to put him. Like a bad smell, he just hovers in his space. Apparently,


    he retires very soon, and Alexi is making it worth his while to stay home as soon as he does.


    Good riddance.


    Opening the door, I expect to see Alexi lording at the desk but it¡¯s empty and I presume he¡¯s taken his


    twin up to the apartment instead for some family time. I still cannot believe those two shared a womb


    and came from one egg¡ªAlexi seems like he should have been a solitary invention. Unless it was a


    case of one baby getting all the good and the other became Alexi. I always assumed he was created in


    the pits of hell from the unquenched fire of the devil¡¯s cauldron. I wonder if he and Gino are a bit like an


    Angel/ Demon duo in some other realm, end of the world ¡®nature and bnce¡¯ bullshit.


    We haven¡¯t made any headway since that night after the opera and I guess that¡¯s why I am feeling


    subtly hostile towards my gorgeous master of above. I am charmingly sweet when he¡¯s around, which


    is rare, and he¡¯s his normal bastard self. Cold, bossy and always with a bimbo in tow.


    I¡¯m sick of the sight of him turning up to use his room for ytime and d that I will be down here till


    four a.m. every night now and its likely he will get on with his demands before Ie up to bed. Getting


    tired of listening to wenches climax while my own sex life ispletely dead. Thanks to controlling


    Carrero and his idea that I should be untouched while representing his good name, and I am


    completely frustrated.


    It¡¯s one thing to choose to be sex starved for a prolonged period, it¡¯s another to be ordered to be that


    way onmand.


    He spares no energy being civil to me either. Cold and direct, forever telling me what to do and keeps it


    all very clinical and business based. I have no qualms that he obviously does not like me. He also has


    no taste in women at all, so I guess it¡¯s not an insult. They are all mousy submissive little doorsteps


    with big eyes and a severe ¡¯¡®Yes sir¡¯¡¯plexion.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    I guess being a hardened Dom sort of means that¡¯s his type and I can now see why he doesn¡¯t like me


    much. I¡¯m too brassy, too gobby and too stubborn. I rarely do as I am told without argument, I sass him


    back when he¡¯s pissing me off and I no longer have any desire to sleep with the smug prick. I can


    barely upy the same room as him without wanting to throw things at his face and I absolutely love


    saying things to him to get a reaction. He has a fragile ego underneath that cold exterior and I have


    learned the art of bruising it.


    My phone vibrates in the pocket of my shirt dress and I haul it out to see Master himself is calling me. I


    sigh, push down the urge to red button him and answer with my fake cheery ¡®¡®happy to hear from you¡¯¡¯


    tone.


    ¡®¡®Yes, Carrero?¡¯¡¯ Sweeter than honey and oozing with disdain, this is our normal mode of conversing.


    He likes to call me a million times a week when he is not here, throwing out his orders and demands


    left, right and centre. I have him saved under the title ¡®Lord Arsehole¡¯.


    ¡®¡¯Get up here.¡¯¡¯ Raspy,manding and prickish like always.


    Fuck right off!


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m busy,¡¯¡¯ I answer moodily and wander to our shared desk to pick up a new file he¡¯s left sitting there,


    it has a post-it note on top which reads. London, take care of this ¡­ TODAY!¡¯¡¯


    I swear he just made me want to poison his next gin. I hate it when he uses that as my name and it


    really riles me that even in written form the man can sound like an arsey control freak and make me


    rage.


    ¡®¡®It wasn¡¯t an offer, it was an order.¡¯¡¯ He sounds like he¡¯s trying to y cool, yet there¡¯s an edgy vibe of


    slight pissed off-nessing through.


    Interesting.


    The curious little cat in me wonders what his twin is doing that has him so rattled and I really want to go


    watch the fireworks, even if that means doing as he asks.


    ¡®¡®Shock! You¡¯re telling me what to do ¡­ What a surprise.¡¯¡¯ I murmur with a half smirk and screw up his


    yellow note throwing it over my shoulder haphazardly. Giving no shits about it.


    Somewhere along the way my self-made n of killing him with kindness fell apart, the second I was


    faced with him once more. I just have no energy for being nice to that much arrogance in one big brute


    of a body. Sometimes he¡¯s lucky if I can get through the day without plotting his murder in detail and


    leaving traps to maim him.

 Chapter 21

    Chapter 21


    I would take delight in watching him suffer. ¡®¡®I may reconsider spanking as a hobby if you keep this shit


    up.¡¯¡¯ He sounds annoyed which doesn¡¯t even nearly faze me. I have learned that his danger tone is a


    complete contradiction to this and sparring is just in annoying him and nothing more. It¡¯s when he


    sounds eerily unemotional that you have to run.


    ¡®¡¯Kinky. I might be into it.¡¯¡¯ I jest huskily in a bid to make him more pissed. He hates it when I flirt even if


    it is in sarcasm and I can almost imagine those pale greys darkening to stormy steel right now. I figured


    out that his eye colour changes slightly per mood, so yet another of his tells in my little notebook of


    useful facts. I have a mental list titled ¡®signs that I am annoying Alexi¡¯ which is outlined in hearts and


    stars.


    ¡®¡¯I think it¡¯s time I took you in hand and worked that attitude out, nothing much seems to work so maybe


    I should try something else.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s a veiled threat, a hint of seriousness but again I don¡¯t give a toss. I


    have been getting away with sass for weeks now, and he either has a go, acts like a prick, or


    completely ignores me. No consequences for standing up to him, so why should I care anymore?


    ¡®¡®Don¡¯t make threats if you¡¯re not going to follow through. Anyway, what do you want? I have things to


    do and haven¡¯t got all day to stand around chatting.¡¯¡¯ I give him a tad more edge, remembering I still


    have a bone to pick over his secret cameras. Re-finding that little rage simmering inside.


    There¡¯s a long silence and I wonder if for the first time I might witness him losing his cool. I push all day


    every day, I know one of these days he is probably going to snap and make me regret every single


    second of it. I wonder if that time hase.


    ¡®¡¯Either you walk up here now willingly, or Ie get you and I will physically drag you kicking and


    screaming. Don¡¯t test me.¡¯¡¯ Okay so that tone sends a shiver through me. The calm, low and precise.


    He¡¯s really pissed now and I don¡¯t mean in his normally casually almost good-humoured way. He¡¯s not


    taking my shit today at all. Whatever his twin has done to his mood, it has put him on one and I am


    bearing the brunt. That wave of internal difort sobers me, and I swallow down all bravado, getting


    that shaky nervous inner floaty feeling. I know where the line lies.


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    ¡®¡®Sure. Keep your pants on Carrero, all a bit of banter.¡¯¡¯ I relent dejectedly, ent slipping when I am


    genuinely nervous, hating that this one tone change can put me in my ce so effortlessly. I have yet


    to see whates after that tone and I don¡¯t think I ever want to. Rumours are enough and I know


    from the ones I heard out on the street that he¡¯s worse than any nightmares I may still have.


    I turn on my heel and stalk out of the office back towards the lift, pulling my card from my bra where I


    keep it snugly hidden, to ess the lift to the floor above. I catch Lucie ring my way from his own


    office door, peering out like a little troll from his cave and I throw him a huge satisfied smile.


    ¡®¡¯You look as happy as always¡ªmust suck seeing me being the big bosses new sidekick, while you get


    demoted to book end. How does the new chain to your desk feel?¡¯¡¯ I wink bitchily and walk into the lift


    with a toss of my red locks. I hate that podgy little arsehole and I wouldn¡¯t put it past him to smother me


    in my sleep given half a chance.


    Iugh as a book goes flying past the doors as they slide shut and shake my head at the ridiculousness


    of the little imp. He¡¯s got a bad temper when he¡¯s out of Alexi¡¯s earshot but as he¡¯s the size of a pygmy


    then I doubt he could do more than punch me in the kneecaps. He fights like a little girl.


    It only takes a moment to get upstairs and when I enter the apartment from the main door both men are


    sitting on the couch with beers in hand lookingpletely cosy and weird as hell. Now this is really


    what a pair of bookends look like and I have to double take. It¡¯s creepy.


    Two Alexi¡¯s, yet not. One all casual and sporty with trainers and a smile, over tropical blue eyes, the


    other suited and booted with that sinister frown on his face at seeing me, a grey soulless gaze that


    literally goes through you, and I throw on a charming face.


    They are equally attractive visually, yet Gino is missing that something special.


    ¡®¡®You rang my lord?¡¯¡¯ I do a mock curtsy and Gino breaks into a boyishugh, amused at me already


    and throws Alexi a quick nce.


    ¡®¡¯I can see why she pisses you off little brother.¡¯¡¯ He pushes Alexi in the shoulder and he just res at


    his sibling in the most juvenile way. The great Alexi sulks when in the presence of brothers, how quaint.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not against shooting you in the face.¡¯¡¯ Alexi frowns, actually scowls at Gino, who justughs


    harder. I have never seen this side to him and I watch withplete interest, it¡¯s like seeing a glimpse


    of another person, and I am not sure I like seeing the Great Carrero as a mere human. Annoyed by a


    sibling and acting out aggressively.


    ¡®¡¯London?¡¯¡¯ He turns his attention to me.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, Boss?¡¯¡¯ I answer prettily with flutteringshes.


    ¡®¡®Get a drink and sit. My brother wanted to meet you properly, seeing as he has this insane idea that


    you must be special. Putting a woman at the helm of my man project and all.¡¯¡¯ Alexi looks indulgently at


    his brother, who is still smirking wildly, and I can see a hint of mutual affection in the passing of


    mirrored nces. I still cannot get my head around just how identical these two really are. It¡¯s


    completely uncanny even the way they are lounging side by side in such a casual man way with one


    foot on the centre coffee table each. I guess they really did break from the same cell.


    I¡¯ve seen images of twins before, but nothing like this kind of replication. From the mannerisms, the


    voice and the hair styling. If they both had the same suits on and sunsses concealing the colour of


    their eyes I don¡¯t think I could tell them apart, tattoos aside. Well, except Gino smiles; A lot. Alexi barely


    cracks one, so it¡¯s a definite tell-tale.


    I guess they have that psychic thing going on too, like most twins as Alexi shoves his brother, followed


    by a look and Gino gives him a weird wave gesture that gets one in response. A whole new little


    Alexi seems so different when Gino is around and silentmunicationprising looks, eyebrow


    twitters and hand gestures is unnerving. I wander off to get a drink and opt for a whisky on the rocks. I


    need something stronger in preparation for opening night and my first official duty as hostess to his


    very swanky new club.


    We have a full guest list tonight, twenty-five members, twenty-five escorts and some extras working the


    floor in case anyone likes more than one at a time. The full staff and security are all getting ready, and


    we have a DJ arriving at seven with some strippers for the main stage to keep the party entertaining.


    I wander over and sit at the end of the closest part of the couch and cross my legs, swinging one high


    stiletto in mid-air. I catch Alexi''s usual sweep of my legs, something he does so frequently I no longer


    notice it as much and Gino eyes up his brother instead. An eyebrow rises as he does so.


    I innocently take a long sip of my drink and pretend not to see the questioning nces. I¡¯m guessing


    Gino is amused that his brother can openly eye rape me yet refuses to sleep with me.


    Makes two of us Gino.


    ¡®¡¯So, Cami? How are you settling in over here? I have heard only good things about you.¡¯¡¯ Gino is the


    happy charmer of the duo, all smiles,id-back looks and open enthusiasm. Like a puppy needing


    attention knowing he is adorably cute. He¡¯s also a bare faced liar.


    It¡¯s ¡­ Draining.


    I almost choke on my drink and Alexi¡¯s furrowed nce at his sibling says it all.


    ¡®¡®I highly doubt that; your brother merely tolerates me because he knows I am what¡¯s best for his little


    business endeavour. If he had his way he probably would have strangled me by now and left me in the


    river.¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s eyes stray to mine and an unreadable expression as he settles his pale gaze. Probably


    mentally agreeing with me.


    ¡®¡®Lucie already has that on his priority list,¡¯¡¯ Alexi smirks and Gino rolls his eyes.


    ¡®¡¯I thought you were going to find somewhere dark and airless to put that little weasel?¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯I did ¡­ his office. I¡¯m biding my time until he asphyxiates and Dianna can¡¯t me me for it.¡¯¡¯ Alexi


    retorts and this time I smirk at his humour, dry and quick and more my taste. Gino is a too American hot


    boy with dazzling white teeth and effortless chatter.

 Chapter 22

    Chapter 22


    I like some darkness, even if it doese from Master Carrero. There is no one quite like him. For his


    ws anyway, I have to say, he can be amusing. ¡®¡®Lucie is my biggest fan. He secretly adores me and is


    just jealous that you get to sleep up here with me every night. He totally imagines the worst.¡¯¡¯ I flutter


    innocentshes and continue sipping my drink, exuding my sexual confidence with subtle little


    mannerisms that are as natural as breathing to me nowadays. Wasn¡¯t so long ago I had to force each


    one to build this fa?ade known as Cami Walters.


    ¡®¡¯Possibly because Alexi tells him the worst.¡¯¡¯ Ginoughs and the little flicker of smug crossing Alexi¡¯s


    face makes me wonder how much truth is in that joke. I have no idea how he got lumbered with


    Luciano other than through family but I don¡¯t get the feeling he likes him at all and canpletely


    imagine him using subtle hints to get under his skin. Lucie already thinks I¡¯m banging the boss and


    that¡¯s why I get preferential treatment, it would annoy him wholly if Alexi hinted at it too.


    ¡®¡®I get to cut him loose in three months when he hits retirement. Until then, I ignore him.¡¯¡¯ Alexi downs


    his drink and slides it on the table, tossing a cushion aside and gestures to me with a finger wiggle,


    patting the couch next to him suggestively and I just narrow my eyes. He actually smiles and the world


    does not selfbust. I hate that when he does it, even though it¡¯s so rare it¡¯s almost an endangered


    species; it makes me a little weak and weird for him. Alexi has dimples and a gorgeous smile when he


    flexes those muscles and I despise him more for it. It does funny things to my insides.


    ¡®¡®What? It¡¯s not like you to want me so close ¡­ Are you drunk?¡¯¡¯ I watch him suspiciously, looking way


    too self-assured and chirpy for my liking, yet I get up and move anyway. I know underneath that almost


    happy look, he¡¯s still brewing close to the pissed he was on the phone and don¡¯t want to push my luck.


    He¡¯s being non-Alexi and I should just tread carefully when he is not behaving as he normally does.


    Changes in character are usually a huge warning sign with any man and handling him with kid gloves is


    a must.


    I walk over and sit down closer, about a foot away and nestle myself back into my cross-legged pose


    and try to exude my confidence and ease, even though I feel anything but. Alexi reaches out, putting a


    hand across my legs so he cups my thigh and yanks me a tad closer. It makes me jump and almost


    spill my drink all over him. It¡¯s not like him to be so hands-on or want me glued to his side like this and


    Gino is watching with interest while depositing his own drink on the table.


    I have a moment of rm, a pang of doubt as I remember brothers from high school and how they


    were famed for group fucking the same girl; that was their kink¡ªbrotherly banging one girl at one time


    and my eyes dart from one to the other in rm. If Gino likes that kind of thing, maybe Alexi is willing,


    even if he does have me on a sex ban.


    Is that what twins deem appropriate because they are technically from one cell and half of one person?


    I stiffen as he tries to pull my legs closer possessively. It¡¯s only now that I am this close that I realise


    Alexi looks a little wired and even in the darkness of the room his pupils are tiny. Gino looks the same


    and it¡¯s not a coincidence. I look around for tell-tale signs of cocaine but see nothing at all, trying to find


    any other reason why my normally cool and cold arsehole of a boss seems to be suffering from a


    schizophrenic personality.


    ¡®¡¯I want you toe closer, no reason.¡¯¡¯ His eyes lock on my mouth, he slides an arm behind me on the


    couch to rest along the back behind my head and this time I know for sure something is up. I feel


    incredibly ufortable and look to Gino for answers. Alexi looks like he wants to devour me, eyes


    honed on me in a way which says ¡®¡¯I will fuck you right here, right now.¡¯¡¯


    Alexi made it clear he does not ever want to cross this line so there is no way in hell he is in his normal


    frame of mind. He¡¯s so close I can feel his breath on my cheek and his body warmth is taking over me.


    I tremble with the waves of testosterone oozing my way.


    ¡®¡¯Are youing to our opening night?¡¯¡¯ I try to keep the nerves out of my voice, fixating on Gino but


    Alexi running a finger down my throat to the open neck of my shirt dress makes me flinch. I¡¯m not sure


    what to make of his sudden attention and smile his way adoringly, trying to ignore what he¡¯s doing as


    he angles close enough to dip and lick my neck if he so desired. He angles so close I think he actually


    might and swallow hard, palms instantly mmy and trembles ensue.


    I am trying to read this sudden sexual interest in me and not react like I want to get up and run. I know


    how to y the game and I endure his touches with little outward reaction, as though having a cougar


    like him size me up for the kill is normal daily work routine.


    The sizzle of electricity in the very small space between us is suffocating me and despite not wanting


    this, my body starts reacting like a wanton whore at his closeness. I tighten my knees and curse myself


    out for having traitorous reactions to the man I really do not like. He may have the personality of a drain


    sewer, but physically my body is still hot for him. Gino just watches me with a smile and I feel like I¡¯m


    being hemmed in my two predators on the prowl for meat. Heart rate elevating that maybe I am in over


    my head and should get out of this room. I can barely breathe, my lungs getting tight and my inhales


    are shallow.


    ¡®¡®Do you need me to go get you a girl? You¡¯reing across as very horny and in dire need of relief.¡¯¡¯ I


    catch his hand as it heads to my first button and shove it off gently, pulling my dress back up and


    buttoning it one higher so no cleavage is on show; sending him a clear message to stop, flicking a


    nce and a re his way that is loaded with a warning.


    I don¡¯t know what this is but I don¡¯t like it. He doesn¡¯t cross this kind of line and I have no idea why he¡¯s


    doing it now. He had a chance with me and he blew me off. The feeling is now mutual and I have no


    desire to be his next bedroom victim.


    Alexi looks annoyed and tugs my legs in against him again so that my knees are pressed against his


    fully and my thigh is touching the full length of his upper leg warmly. I am practically sitting on hisp, in


    the arc of his arm and very much in his personal space. It¡¯s suffocating. I don¡¯t think I have been this


    close to him since the opera and I really have no clue why he¡¯s behaving so erratically or so over the


    top possessive. He is not one of the sex-starved men he likes to mess with, so I doubt he has a serious


    itch that needs to be scratched.


    ¡®¡®Rx sweetheart, my brother and I are always inpetition. He doesn¡¯t like the fact I made eyes


    and remarks about his sexy little redhead. Alexi doesn¡¯t share his toys, he never has, much to my


    disappointment. He¡¯s sending me the signals, not you. A HUGE back the fuck off Gino!¡¯¡¯ Gino is


    amused, he stands to pour himself a drink from the table and throws me a wink and a dirty look as he


    makes an obvious assessment of my body and legs. Alexi doesn¡¯t react, he just watches his brother


    with zero facial expression and I take a moment to calm the erratic pounding of my heart.


    I really want to move away from all this male dominance shadowing me, but I physically cannot move. I


    stay facing forward, otherwise a turn of the head will put my face right against his.


    ¡®¡®I asked him if I could fuck you. This is his answer.¡¯¡¯ Gino smirks. I nch at him and then throw a wary


    look at Alexi sideways. Not sure when this little question was asked but not sure how to react either.


    Wondering if that is what all those gestures were about and not understanding how they could trante


    so much silently. I know he doesn¡¯t want me to screw around and damage his reputation, but this is his


    twin, and we are in his private apartment.


    As for Gino? Well, he is aplete wanker, assuming I am a possession you ask to borrow and not


    someone who can make her own choices.


    What is it with these Carrero men? It¡¯s all about fucking ownership!


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    ¡®¡®You have a girlfriend. Go home and fuck her, this one¡¯s hands off.¡¯¡¯ Alexi says coldly and even though I


    rebuffed his fingers on me, he still has his arm around my legs like he¡¯s protecting his kill from other


    savage animals. His touch is searing my skin and heating me to volcanic levels as goosebumps travel


    over every part of me. He¡¯s definitely on something and I start searching the side of his face for other


    signs of drug use.


    ¡®¡¯Here ¡­ want some?¡¯¡¯ Gino holds out a silver box to me, almost reading my mind and this time I can


    see I was right to be suspicious. Cocaine in a vessel for easy snorting. Both have been up here getting


    high and I just give him a long look as I try to figure out what sort of answer I should give.


    Drugs are not my thing at all, but I have learned in thepany of men high on it, that refusal just


    makes them agitated and suspicious. I would rather do a small line and make them rx around me


    than have an argument about not wanting to. I used enough drugs on the girls I pimped out to keep


    them timid and pliable but I avoided product myself to keep a clear head. Maybe now is not the time to


    refuse.


    I reach out as Gino drops the metallic container in my hand, but Alexi takes it from me almost as soon


    as it hits my palm and throws it back at his brother aggressively, a frown enveloping his face. His eyes


    almost glowing with inhumane ability. Gino catches it expertly with fast reflexes.


    ¡®¡¯No!¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s that icy tone again and Gino looks right back with a sinister twinkle of mischief. I however, am


    shocked at the instant refusal, especiallying from someone who pushes and uses product like he


    does, yet he suddenly doesn¡¯t want me to do it. I know Alexi uses it socially from time to time.

 Chapter 23

    Chapter 23


    I have seen him snorting lines with his men when the refurbs were full swing and they were kicking


    back for the night. ¡®¡¯It¡¯s like that? She¡¯s not allowed to fuck me but you won¡¯t touch her, and she¡¯s not


    allowed to do a line with us but yet watch us do it right? Sure she¡¯s just your hostess Al? Seem a little


    bit possessive of your ything over there.¡¯¡¯ Gino is goading him and I can¡¯t tell if he¡¯s trying to wind his


    brother up or angling for a real fight.


    My inner nerves tighten and I sit a little stiffer, caught right up against Alexi as his whole bodynguage


    ups an aggressive gear. ¡®¡¯It¡¯s like that!¡¯¡¯ Alexi snaps back and I literally freeze with the change in him. I


    thought twins were meant to be close but right now they are two subtly hostile bulls going head to head


    with a lot of raw static in the atmosphere around us. He mentioned his brother was close to him so I


    don¡¯t know if this is all down to substance abuse or not.


    ¡®¡®What if I just take her, walk to your room and screw her right now?¡¯¡¯ He seems almost buzzing with


    amusement at that statement and I nch at this seemingly charming man who has now grown two


    heads. Guess the apple didn¡¯t fall far from the tree and he has Alexi¡¯s prick side too. No angel about it,


    these two are mischievous demons alright.


    ¡®¡®I think I would have a say, don¡¯t you?¡¯¡¯ I butt in snappily, annoyed with the arrogance that he could just


    have me, but Gino dismisses me with a snort and augh, and I am wondering if he is as nice a guy as


    I thought he was. Bad blood must run in their DNA for Alexi to be the way he is and I¡¯m not so sure


    Gino doesn¡¯t contain some of the psycho genes too. Ipletely misread him, something I seem to do


    with these Carrero men.


    ¡®¡®Try it.¡¯¡¯ Alexi drops his tone and slides his arm from over my legs, sits back and starts tapping his


    thumb on the hand hooked over the couch behind my head. I can do nothing but sit in terrified silence,


    watching this unfold,pletely aware of the tension around me.


    Alexi is poised, despite his visually casual pose and I don¡¯t doubt he would jump to action if Gino


    touches me. I wouldn¡¯t touch me if I were Gino. Alexi may be leaving me open to try, but I am breathing


    in the waves of hostile testosteroneing from him. He is loaded and ready to spring to his feet in the


    glimpse of an eye and I know the boy has some serious fighting skills.


    He trains with his boxer cousin two days a week and haspeted in amateur fights for charity. I saw


    the photos and news clippings in his office. He¡¯s a street fighter by nature.


    I take a long slow breath to try to calm my hammering heart, caught like a deer in the headlights. A twin


    stand-off. Sizzling atmosphere and I nce between them like a nervous teen contemting what a


    tug of war chew toy looks like after two wolves are done fighting over it¡ªthat¡¯s me right now.


    I feel sick and my body goes weak with the loss of adrenaline. Ginoughs again and lifts his drink and


    raises it in the air in a ¡®¡®touch¨¦¡¯¡¯ gesture and sits back down, much to my utter relief. Obviously knows


    which brother contains more violent tendencies and ability to enforce his wishes.


    ¡®¡¯Rx princess, this is what we call marking your territory with a pissingpetition. My brother is


    drawing a line where you are concerned and it¡¯s a strong one.¡¯¡¯ Gino is smug, Alexi looks scarily nk


    and I know it means he¡¯s not impressed. When he closes down to a deadpan demeanour, he¡¯s usually


    hovering over the abyss of rage.


    ¡®¡®Mine. Whether I am fucking her or not. Don¡¯t ever cross this line again.¡¯¡¯ He warns him and I just


    swallow hard, on edge about the cray-cray tendencies Alexi has over this possession thing. I wonder


    how hard it¡¯s going to be to cut loose when I no longer have his debt holding me here and shiver


    inwardly with the realisation that cutting Carrero loose when all is done and dusted might not be an


    easy thing. He has issues.


    ¡®¡®Just fuck her and get over it, you know holding out only makes it more intense. Give in to it, get her


    out of your system and then let me y with her.¡¯¡¯ Gino is smiling at me and I swear to God I feel like I


    may throw up or throat punch him with the way he¡¯s talking as though I am not even here.


    He¡¯s not Mr American nice guy, he¡¯s unhinged and twisted and reminds me of so many men in my past.


    I¡¯m practically pissing myself, he has me so wound up and nervous.


    ¡®¡¯Go back to Alessandra Gino, you¡¯re high and being a dick. You¡¯re scaring her.¡¯¡¯ Alexi moves and sits


    forward sliding his arm away from me to give me a little breathing space to exhale. Motioning to the


    bottle in the centre of the table as his brother leans forward and pushes it to him amicably. Despite all


    the weird whatever this is, they are still passing each other booze and acting like they¡¯re merely having


    a sibling squabble over which cartoon to watch. Meanwhile, I am having an emotional break and my


    hands are shaking with the intensity of what just went down.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m being serious. Alessandra and I have an open rtionship and I want to sample Red''s vour.


    Hell, Alessandra would get in on the action if I asked her too. How about it Red? Do you want me to


    fuck you?¡¯¡® Gino grins like an idiot and cocks his head to one side as he looks me over once more and I


    just re at him this time.


    He doesn¡¯t know when to stop, clearly likes living on the edge. I jump in fright as Alexi smashes the


    bottle on the floor between his feet. Throwing it down and he jumps up swiftly, ring at his brother and


    says not one word. Just this terrifying silent mass of man looking like he wants to rip heads off as he


    breathes heavily and prates Gino¡¯s skull with that colourless gaze. Gino continues grinning like a


    lunatic as my heart pounds through my chest. I swear I think I just had a heart attack. I sit stone still,


    afraid to move.


    Alexi never loses his cool¡ªEVER. Not like this; he has way more control than that.


    Gino seems intent on pushing his buttons to the core and I have no idea why someone would be that


    stupid. Clearly sadism and masochism run in the family. That or ack of IQ. You would have to be all


    kinds of stupid to y this game of cat and mouse.


    ¡®¡®Stay off the coke Gino. I hate when you get like this. Last time I almost killed you, don¡¯t push me to do


    that again.¡¯¡¯ The air crackles and Gino slowly stands up, matching his height and build and just seems


    completely unfazed, pushing his brother in the shoulder and throwing me a dazzling smile. Just as


    though he hasn¡¯t sent his brother to the edge of Nutjob so effortlessly.


    ¡®¡®I fucked hisst possession ¡­ right over his bed. Woke up in intensive care three weekster. Some


    fucking brother, huh?¡¯¡¯


    He is aplete and utter headcase and Alexi looks fit topletely lose his shit. I blink nervously as I


    absorb what he just said, yet I staypletely still and calm as though I don¡¯t care. Inside I am a


    trembling mess and I can barely breathe. I¡¯m shivering but not from cold, although my body has shut


    down in fear and I do feel like I¡¯m losing all ounces of body heat.


    ¡®¡®Go home.¡¯¡¯ Alexi warns him again and this time there is that slow tone of veiled danger. Gino takes


    note finally, obviously knowing his brothers signals way better than I do and it¡¯s not wise to keep this


    up. He might not be as lucky as seeing intensive care if he does.


    That tone is like the calm before the storm and it signals Alexi is about to lose his grip on humanity and


    turn into a weapon of mass destruction. ¡®¡®You¡¯re right; been on one all day. Too much coke and booze


    and not enough sex. I¡¯m heading off ¡­ enjoy opening night. See you around Red, it was my absolute


    pleasure.¡¯¡¯ Gino moves away from Alexi and skirts the table to head for the door, walkingzily and


    throwing back a smile at his brother that doesn¡¯t dampen the atmosphere at all.


    ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t call me for a few days,¡¯¡¯ Alexi warns and I wonder if this is standard cooling off time between two


    clearly unstable boys. Gino just throws a wave and a chuckle and pulls his silver box of fun out as he


    opens the door. Obviously not done getting wasted yet.


    I slide to my feet and put my ss down edging to get past one very wound up Carrero, who¡¯s oozing a


    lot of aggressive energy as he watches his brother leave and jump when he catches me by the arm


    and hauls me to him furiously. So fast and with so much strength I almost bump noses with him and I


    yelp, banging into his torso as Gino disappears out of the doorpletely, no backwards nce and it


    slides shut with a thud.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re mine. Understand? No matter what goes on, whether I fuck you or not. You¡¯re mine! You stay


    the hell away from Gino, or any man for that matter.¡¯¡¯ He seems deranged, a biting tone and nasty


    edge, losing that cool and his eyes are dark grey and terrifyingly wide. The warning in his statement is


    loud and clear, nothing veiled about it. He¡¯s obviously had a lot of coke himself and I nod mutely.


    Trembling with the way he¡¯s being and seeing a glimpse of his unhinged side finallying out to y.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m not interested in your brother. Not my type.¡¯¡¯ I whisper it hoarsely, breathing hard, genuinely afraid


    of him right now. I¡¯m not mad enough to y with that kind of fire. Alexi is a control freak and I am his


    current toy ¡­ I wouldn¡¯t put myself in harm¡¯s way by pushing his boundaries while I owe him my life.


    I tremble in his hold, don¡¯t fight or move but stay locked to that hard stare, going limp in his biting grip


    and close to tears.


    ¡®¡¯Keep it that way. He¡¯s made an art form of trying to take from me his whole life ¡­ I¡¯ll snap your neck if


    you betray me. I won¡¯t feel any remorse either.¡¯¡¯


    Shit!


    I swallow hard and literally cannot find the words as cold fear sweeps my body. I don¡¯t like this version


    of him at all and I wish he was just his normal bastard self right now, instead of this terrifying ranting


    psycho who says he will murder me for touching another man. He doesn¡¯t want me but no one else can


    have me and Ipletely believe every word. He looks insane.


    Carreros are all unhinged!


    I make a move to get away from him, my fear taking control and my run away button pushed, but he


    catches me around the throat and hauls me back, holding tight but not hurting me the way Demagio


    did. It¡¯s more the shock of how he grabs me and pulls my face to his, so we¡¯re literally nose to nose and


    that enables his control over me. Touching so briefly he is breathing against my mouth and my body


    sweeps with a new wave of cold fear and bespletely obedient and still. He looks vacant and


    my eyes start to bite with moisture as deep-rooted terror turns to tears. He looks like every other evil


    monster who ever defiled me right now and I feel like the man I have been getting to know and


    marginally trust is a million miles away.


    ¡®¡¯I will kill anyone you touch that isn¡¯t me.¡¯¡¯ He sounds venomous, voice low and husky and just res


    deep into my soul, making a very real statement that I know he is capable of carrying out. A moment of


    intense tension before letting me go and dropping me on my arse, back on the couch in an ungraceful


    heap. I can¡¯t breathe, literally wing for air and curl up instinctively into a ball when he steps towards


    me. Scared this is going to escte, but he just brushes past and stalks out of the sitting area and


    heads for his bedroom without a backwards nce.


    I take a deep hysterical breath, trying to pull air into my starved lungs painfully and let out a huge sigh


    of relief as I hit the body consuming shakes. I try to get my legs to work but they feel like Jelly. I don¡¯t


    know how to react at all and I know this isn¡¯t normal Alexi conduct. I have been around him enough to


    know this is drug-fuelled and sibling pushed rage, and he¡¯s showing the side to me that he¡¯s famed for


    in the underworld. If I ever doubted Carrero was aplete psychopath, then I just witnessed a tiny


    glimpse of it.


    I wipe a solitary tear from my cheek with the back of my hand and try hard to regain myposure,


    shaking like a leaf. All the past weeks of settling in here, finding my ce with him, it¡¯s all been a sham.


    I just got a massive reality check. He¡¯s not some romance hero that will sweep me into a better life.


    He¡¯s controlling, borderline abusively so and this is fast bing a toxic environment.


    If this is the mask lifting to show a little of his true colours, then I know it won¡¯t be long before more of


    that sidees into y.


    The sooner I break free from this the better and if I can¡¯t work off my debts fast enough then I will run


    far enough away that he can never find me. Alexi Carrero is not my happy ever after in any kind of way.

 Chapter 24

    Chapter 24


    I still feel shaken, even hours aftering down here and weing the first flow of Alexi¡¯s clientele


    and I cannot shift the feeling of foreboding and anxiety gnawing at my bones. He has yet to appear, he


    never followed me out of the apartment when I fled, and he hasn¡¯t summoned me back upstairs either. I


    would be happy if he stayed upstairs for the rest of the night and sobered up, but I know he needs to be


    down here for his club¡¯s very first night.


    I don¡¯t like the side to him I met, and I have no desire to see it again so soon. The confidence in the


    opinion I formed of him over thesest weeks has been shattered, and I am back to feeling like I don¡¯t


    know him at all. That sinister man from my hospital room and how in awe I was. I should have realised


    then that he had moreyers than an onion and I have barely taken the top one off.


    Alexi aside, everything is going smoothly. We have drunk men molesting half dressed women as they


    all sit and smoke, getting high in the lounge. The strip act has turned lesbian show on our new stage


    and drinks are fast flowing as they are served to both the lounge and the bedrooms where some have


    already taken their spoils. Alexi has two important suits in the VIP lounge upstairs and our trio of


    experienced Domdies are up there giving them a private party. Everything is ticking along like a well-


    oiled machine, even if I am aplete nervous wreck.


    I am the hostess with the mostest. Smiles with charm and tending to everyone¡¯s needs, making sure


    security are watching every room discreetly, keeping an eye on all that is going on while appearing to


    be sipping champagne and schmoozing enjoyably. I have double checked that all weapons were


    checked at the door and put under lock and key. Alexi has this club set up for maximum control,


    thought of every detail, and yet he¡¯s nowhere to be seen on his first night. I can¡¯t stop watching the door


    in angsty anticipation, dreading the moment he does appear.


    I expected him down hours ago. He is too anal about being in charge to not show at all, so I am under


    no illusion that he will stay away.


    I wander around checking drinks, checking the supply of precious white powder and that other


    preferred narcotics are being dished out in low doses. We want fun not death, and we have the men


    keeping limits on all they hand out. We must take care of our members when they be too


    intoxicated for their own good. Theye to kick back and rx and it¡¯s our job to make sure it stays


    that way.


    One of the men nods my way and I take it as a gesture to go over, moving across to where he¡¯s stood,


    and he nods towards one of the boudoir doors that is sitting open. I frown, pissed that we gave every


    member a personal key card for these rooms and told them to keep them closed when in use. Our


    security has ess that overrides all locks should we need to rescue one of our escorts and yet here


    we are with one sitting open while in use during busy time. Anyone could wander in and start


    unnecessary drama or embarrassment.


    Some of these men prefer their kinks to be hidden¡ªdiscreet is the whole point of the boudoirs. I walk


    over and push my head in before closing it, in case there is a reason it¡¯s sitting that way and get a


    complete eyeful of a naked old man pleasuring himself in the middle of the room, while Candy our


    school girl fetish jumps on the bed singing nursery rhymes to him. It¡¯s more than enough for me and I


    yank the door shut so ittches with a loud click over the top of the loud house music. I could see the


    pleasure he got from being seen and I guess he is a bit of an exhibitionist who likes to be watched


    while getting off. He hoped someone would walk in and check the door, it was just my luck it was me. I


    may have to bleach my brainter to remove that ugly eyeful.


    ¡®¡®Make sure his door is always closed. Don¡¯t bother checking inside first, just pull it shut and he will


    soon get the hint.¡¯¡¯ I tell my burly man and figure I should learn the new security by name if I am going


    to be dealing with this kind of weird shit. Our members have no idea the rooms are filmed for safety,


    and I am not about to tell our kink prick in there he can be watched with his door closed.


    I leave him to watch the doors in the narrow hallway and move to head out to the quiet part of the bar


    on the far end, nearer the main entrance where it¡¯s quieter. There¡¯s no one over here as the lounge


    seems to be the favourite spot so far, and we still have guests to arrive tonight.


    ¡®¡®London?¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice startles me from behind and I turn in fright, losing my calm demeanour in a


    sh and I try to reel it back in without being too obvious. Blood pressure immediately back up to


    dangerous levels and loss of all calm.


    ¡®¡®Carrero?¡¯¡¯ I reply warily, avoiding looking him directly in the eye. Heart resumes previous unearthly


    pounding as my body runs cold and hits high alert. I feel awkward around him, like the first night I ever


    met him. Out of my depth and unsure how to act.


    ¡®¡¯Can we talk ¡­ Upstairs?¡¯¡¯ He seems normal once more, maybe a little too normal for my liking.


    It¡¯s almost like he¡¯s trying to be reasonable and show me he has sobered uppletely, but I am more


    than wary of him right now. Even if he hase down from his artificial high, I saw that other side and


    now I can¡¯t undo it. ¡®¡®I can¡¯t leave your first night unsupervised. It¡¯d be very irresponsible of me, Boss.¡¯¡¯ I


    smile softly hoping I sound genuine, look rxed and unaffected, when really, my sweaty palms and


    trembling body tell me that is not entirely true. Truth being I don¡¯t want to be alone with him.


    He sighs heavily and clicks his fingers at the bartender, motioning two at him and points at the wall of


    expensive whiskies we had imported for his members. He serves only the best in here and his drink of


    choice is anything that puts hairs on your chest with one sip. I don¡¯t refuse the drink choice, knowing


    better than to find fault with amand right now.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    The tender goes straight to it as Alexi motions for me to sit on one of the high leather stools instead of


    leaving here and I sit obediently. Relieved he haspromised for a ringside seat and I can at least


    rx that he would not publicly flog me. There is enough security around here to deter any Alexi


    psycho moments. I hope.


    ¡®¡®I want to apologise for what happened. I normally avoid sampling my own shit on top of drinking all


    day, but Gino has a way of getting inside my head.¡¯¡¯ He sits next to me and rests his arms on the bar


    and I just sit stiffly, regarding him quietly. Not sure if this is another charm offensive to smooth over,


    seeing glimpses of the real him, or a genuine apology. I know I don¡¯t know him. In fact, I have not even


    nearly begun to graze the surface of this man in thest few months.


    ¡®¡¯He¡¯s your brother; I believe that¡¯s what siblings excel at. I¡¯m sure being twins must be worse.¡¯¡¯ I jest


    with an empty smile stered in ce and a smooth tone to mask how uneasy I feel. The bubbling


    tension tying my stomach in knots is unsettling.


    ¡®¡®I didn¡¯t mean to scare you. Gino didn¡¯t mean half the shit he said either, so disregard it. It¡¯s about


    getting back at me and nothing to do with you. He¡¯s still sore about me hitting him when we were teens


    and when he¡¯s on something he turns into a shithead, a bit like I do.¡¯¡¯ He gives me a one-shoulder


    shrug and dips his head as he works out a knot in his other. Avoiding my eye for a second and I think I


    am seeing the very first hints of genuine emotion from the man. A sincere apology and a touch of


    remorse for Gino.


    ¡®¡®So he said ¡­ Did you really put your twin in intensive care? How mad must you have been to almost


    kill your own brother?¡¯¡¯ The shiver which runs down my spine makes me visibly flinch, and he sits back


    when the bartender slides our drinks to us and walks away. The club staff know not to hang around the


    people whoe here, to listen in. That shit will get you bumped off.


    I focus on my ss and not on him.


    ¡®¡®I hit him once. I didn¡¯t beat him or even try to seriously hurt him. I was just pissed andshed out ¡­ I


    just caught him the wrong way and it almost killed him. He had a bleed on the brain and he will never


    let me forget it either. For some crazy reason he tries to make me snap like that again whenever he¡¯s


    on a high.¡¯¡¯ Alexi looks odd, sort of guilty I guess although it¡¯s hard to judge a facial expression that I


    am not used to seeing on him. I can tell underneath all that shit earlier he really does care about his


    brother even if the two of them are fucked up in the head with how they are together.


    Who knew the beast actually has a heart?


    ¡®¡®Your brother''s got mental issues.¡¯¡¯ I mean why else would you poke the bear that is Alexi, that takes all


    kinds of stupid and ack of caring about your health. I¡¯m sitting here sweating buckets over his change


    in persona and Gino is over there intentionally aiming for one. Guy''s crazy.


    ¡®¡®I think it runs in my family.¡¯¡¯ He nudges me with his shoulder and it¡¯s a weirdly friendly manoeuvre, not


    him at all and catches me a little off guard. A moment of that guy who sporadically shows his face and


    for a second seems a million miles away from the guy I know.

 Chapter 25

    Chapter 25


    I rx immediately with the hint of softer. Starting to really let go of what happened upstairs when faced


    with normal Alexi.


    ¡®¡®Was that a try at funny? Did you just make a joke?¡¯¡¯


    I can¡¯t help the smile of relief that washes over me, that he¡¯s back to being just his bastard self instead


    of psycho self. His pupils arerger and I wonder if his no-show was him just giving himself time to


    come down and level out. Getting that crap out of his system so he could act less insane. He knows he


    must be more controlled, even in his own domain.


    ¡®¡®I do asionally make them. So, tell me London, how¡¯s first night show timeing along?¡¯¡¯ He


    drinks his booze in one shot and taps his ss on the bar to get another, the tender running obediently


    toply and I just swirl mine around disinterested in getting a foggy head tonight when I must be on


    the ball. I was never a whisky fan at the best of times. All previous drama forgotten between us.


    ¡®¡¯Boringly content and quiet. Your little sex club is ticking along quite nicely and everyone is behaving.¡¯¡¯ I


    nod along to the loud area in the sunken room, and we watch as a tall stout man is led along the


    discreet hallway by two girls giggling and flirting mercilessly with him, one is already topless and stops


    to kiss her counterpart seductively. Alexi sighs and turns to his fresh drink with a look ofplete


    disinterest; not a guy that¡¯s happy his new venture is being a first night sess. He seems listless and


    agitated, as though he doesn¡¯t really want to be here.


    ¡®¡®Let¡¯s go upstairs. You don¡¯t have to be afraid to be alone with me. I won¡¯t hurt you.¡¯¡¯ He throws me a


    nce and I watch him for a moment, something still quite off in his demeanour, trying to second guess


    this sudden invitation to hang out with a guy who rarely puts up with mypany. It¡¯s not something


    we do when it¡¯s not work rted.


    ¡®¡¯What about watching over this ¡­ isn¡¯t that what you pay me for?¡¯¡¯ I wave my hand back at the club


    and he just shrugs it off.


    ¡®¡¯I pay you to do what I say, and I want you upstairs with me tonight.¡¯¡¯ He repeats sternly, and I catch the


    little flicker of a jaw muscle. He may seem like he is back to normal, but there is a restlessness and hint


    of aggression peeking through. I normally see him this way when business stresses him out and he lets


    off steam by fucking the life out of some bimbo upstairs. It doesn¡¯t sound like it¡¯s just for a nightcap and


    an early to sleep routine if he is giving me the invitation instead of rounding up a fresh kill.


    Alexi is looking to release his excessive energy, and he is looking at me to vent into. I falter, a refusal


    on my lips as nerves get the better of me but there is that stirring deep inside of me that knows I want


    to know what it¡¯s like; If that is what he intends with this invitation.


    All the butterflies and tingles he gives me with his close proximity will be more intense if he screws me,


    and the thought sends a little shiver of anticipation through me, every part of my reproductive system


    perks up and shimmies itself to attention.


    ¡®¡¯I thought you said no sex.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out without thought, putting my cards on the table because we both


    know that¡¯s what he is suggesting, and he smiles at me softly. No qualms, no denial that¡¯s what this is.


    ¡®¡¯So did I. Maybe Gino has a point and this, us, is tension. There¡¯s always something between us that


    usually ends in hostility; If I get it over and done with then I might not be so ¡­ possessive of my toys.¡¯¡¯


    He smirks, making a funny over his cray-cray upstairs and I shake my head at him. Unable to stop the


    genuine smile breaking free because we both know that is exactly what he is and it relieves thest of


    my uneasy tension. Just when I think he¡¯s aplete arse he goes and makes a self-depreciating joke


    about one of his biggest ws and melts my ice a little. Carrero is a weird one.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a wise move. We have a business rtionship and sex, even casual, can make a


    mess of everything. We know where we stand right now. Don¡¯t muddy the waters Carrero, it¡¯s not like


    you.¡¯¡¯ I get up to move away determined not to let this change, despite my body yearning to have him


    inside of me now he has nted that seed in my head. I ignore the way my underwear is heating up


    and remind myself that it¡¯s better to keep everything on a t tform where we both know where the? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    line lies. I¡¯m aware that adrenaline from fear can boost my libido crazily, and that¡¯s all this is. I¡¯m horny


    and looking for release because he scared the shit out of me. ¡®BOB¡¯ will take care of itter.


    Alexi catches me by the hip and draws me to him, even though I am trying to get away discreetly, and


    he is having none of it. He slides his ss back and stands up, moving in a sh, so he¡¯s face to face,


    pulling me against him bodily with minimal effort. I pause, holding my breath as he moves in and runs a


    finger across my cheek as he slides a strand of hair away.


    My skin erupts with fire and goose bumps and I stifle the urge to push him away, heart pounding at the


    very real possibility he is contemting this, and I just turned to putty with a touch.


    Alexi is strong and solid and very male, all the things which make my body peak and warm to aching


    for sex. I should tell him No, make it clear that this is dumb, yet a tiny part of me is tempted, even if I


    am wing myself inside in fear of what this step might do. The tingling gnawing throb in myher


    regions is clouding any rational thoughts, as grey eyes lock on mine and keep me captive.


    ¡®¡®Sex means nothing to me. It¡¯s just something I like and do. It won¡¯t change anything except take away


    the temptation. Clear the air.¡¯¡¯ I don¡¯t know if he is trying to convince me or himself with that statement


    and I want to say we should stop, yet my body is practically peeling its own clothes off. I have no self-


    control when ites to this man being this close. That weirdness about him is still in the air and I


    wonder if it¡¯s still the after-effects of whatever strength of his own coke he was snorting.


    That would and could exin thisplete U-turn in what he wants, and I truly do not know what to do.


    Sense says run, my naughty inner goddess who hasn¡¯t been fucked in so long is saying open your legs


    and have the time of your life. Alexi has been a lure from day one and the being denied him has only


    made this more tempting. My head is a mess as I try to figure out what the hell to do.


    Open a can of worms, mess, hostility, and destroy the puzzle of us that I am not sure I would know how


    to put back together, to say screw it ¡®let¡¯s have sex¡¯ and do things to me I have fantasised about for


    weeks. Or say no and stop myself leaping into the fire and probably regret not taking the chance.


    If he is this possessive now, what will letting him sleep with me do? And what about his tastes in what


    he likes to do during sex? I can¡¯t be tied up and I won¡¯t be his submissive either. There are things from


    my past which have left their mark, internally engraved in me and certain sexual scenarios that I know


    I¡¯ll freak out over. No matter how much I have tried to ovee them.


    He doesn¡¯t seem like someone you give boundaries to.


    ¡®¡¯Sex isn¡¯t something I get emotional over either; it doesn¡¯t mean it won¡¯t change things, Alexi.¡¯¡¯ I sound


    feeble and there is no real hint of refusal in my tone. I know where my body is swaying anyway. I¡¯m


    almost glued to him and my pelvis is naturally trying to feel out how well-endowed he is. Even I know


    he¡¯s put this line up, and we should leave it alone. I¡¯m scared, yet I¡¯m crazy horny for him.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi? What happened to Carrero?¡¯¡¯ He smirks at me and before I get a chance to say anything he


    swoops in and catches my mouth with his, moulding his lips to mine effortlessly and somehow teases


    me open in the blink of an eye as he kisses me seductively. It literally halts everything inside of me and


    I¡¯m stunned and powerless to do anything except be kissed by him. Moulding my lips to fit his as his


    tongue trails mine softly and I swear I¡¯m on the verge of falling into weak euphoria when an all-out


    panic attack and an overwhelming sense of terror sweeps through me.


    Alexi kisses me a little too well. Almost like he was made to do it. I shove him away hard. wing back


    my sanity somewhat and realising that kiss was the first time in my life that passion and desire


    threatened to consume me on a whole other level. I could lose control and myself in him if that kiss is a


    hint of what is toe. This is such a really bad idea.


    ¡®¡¯No kissing.¡¯¡¯ I breathe frantically, wing sanity back and pushing our faces far enough apart to be


    able to gasp for air. He doesn¡¯t release his hold on me though and just looks amused.


    ¡®¡®Why?¡¯¡¯ Heughs at me, and I just shake my head at him, grasping for sanity. Trying to get my


    thoughts in order and my racing heart under control. Full bodily reaction to that mouth.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s too personal and ¡­ intimate. It takes it from sex to something else.¡¯¡¯ I untangle myself from him,


    mumbling nervously. His hands have slid around my waist as I try to give myself space, but he looks


    completely unaffected and just gazes at me. That infuriating Carrero confidence oozing out of every


    pore and I hate the fact that his kiss made the earth move for me, but he just looks ¡­ Normal. Ughhh


    ¡®¡¯Fine by me. No kissing isn¡¯t a huge deal ¡­ Sure I can just concentrate on fucking you instead. Shall


    we?¡¯¡¯ He holds out his arm and I just frown at him, not even at the stage of agreeing with this, yet it


    seems I already have and I literally stand here in two minds about what to do.


    He is way too sure that he has me and out of stubbornness alone, I should tell him to jog on.


    Sex with him or not?


    Fuck!


    This is the worst idea and all my ns of using him for my own gain have long since died.


    Don¡¯t be stupid Cami ¡­ Listen to your gut and back the fuck away. He¡¯s too unpredictable and


    vtile a force to be manipted. ying games and trying to work out his weaknesses are too big a


    task and he reads people better than I ever could.


    If I have sex with him it will be purely for the act itself and no ulterior motive and I can¡¯t say I am not


    tempted. I haven¡¯t had sex with anyone for so long and there is only so much my vibrator can do for


    me. Real sex when it¡¯s done well with an amodating male is so much better. Alexi is my idea of a


    wet dream and my curiosity is aching to know what he will feel like all over me and inside of me; he


    could be the best sex I have had in a long time or aplete disappointment and a mere mortal in bed.


    I need to remember who I am contemting sleeping with.


    Alexi Carrero¡ªterrifying, cold mafia boss. The guy goes from disdain to tolerant around me in swings


    and roundabouts daily.


    And this change in him is down to ideas from his twin and drug-fuelled clouded thinking. I shouldn¡¯t let


    him take control of me this way.


    I take his arm regardless, no longer in control of my impulses and curse myself inwardly for being so


    weak. I¡¯m ying right into his hands and giving him the upper hand yet my knickers are already self-


    combusting at the thought of sex with him. I want to know if he has the skill to match the persona, even


    if it¡¯s the worst mistake of my life. I''ve always been an idiot who lived on the edge of danger and craved


    excitement.


    Carrero is like a huge vat of toxic soup and with my idiotic sense of adventure, I just dived right in.

 Chapter 26

    Chapter 26


    I stand in the apartment,pletely disorientated as he makes us drinks; silent and calm like we¡¯re just


    up here to have our usual chat and arguments, and yet I ampletely on edge and cannot rx. He


    seems normal, unfazed, unaffected, and he hasn¡¯t made any moves to touch me since we got in the lift.


    It¡¯s weird, unnerving and I shouldn¡¯t be like this. I¡¯m not a virgin or an amateur. Sex is part of what I do


    or used to. I taught myself how to ovee all the shit that surrounded it emotionally and learned the


    art of making it feel good instead. Finding the pleasure in it and getting off instead of the trauma of my


    past. I separated the memories and the act and used sex as a tool to get ahead in life. It got me here to


    America for a fresh start and I have never looked back.


    I like sex, I crave it and I have had it on my own terms many times. I have no reason to feel sick with


    nerves at the thought of sleeping with him, I have slept with hundreds of men in my lifetime and this


    won¡¯t be any different. I just need to separate in my head who I have built him up to be and look at him


    as any other hot-blooded male. A gorgeous specimen who makes me wet and is built like a guy who


    should have a sizeable package and the skill to use it.


    I jump when his fingers trail my arm from behind so softly that it sends warm shivers through every part


    of me and I realise in a sh of nerves that I ampletely at a loss with him. I am always the seducer,


    the one in control and making the moves. Sex is always down to my own devices or needs and I target


    what I want and go after it.


    It¡¯s not the case here, far from it. I have no angle to work with by sleeping with him and in fact, I think I¡¯ll


    lose an edge if I do, yet I can¡¯t stop myself from wanting it. He has flipped the tables by being the one in


    control. My seductions failed.


    He¡¯s powerful, dangerous and makes me want to see what it could be like even if he does put the fear


    of God into me at every turn. His coldness andposure make me want it more than anything and


    this ispletely new to me. A man who didn¡¯t fall over themselves to get me naked.


    ¡®¡¯Take your dress off.¡¯¡¯ He leans in, whispering into my ear from beside me and I just erupt in


    goosebumps, sensitive to everything that¡¯s him and unable to hold my calm and confident persona. I


    lose the ability to talk and just unbutton the front of my Gi dress until I get it to waist level, sliding it


    down from my shoulders obediently, like some dumb mute bimbo. Letting it fall to pool around my


    ankles submissively, before kicking it away. I am left standing in my favourite navy Victoria secret


    lingerie set in transparentce and shiver when his breath fans the back of my shoulders and ignites a


    sense ofplete longing. I¡¯m aware of him hovering to the right of me, almost behind me but not


    enough to make me scared. I have a thing about being approached right from the back and the touch


    of anxiety peeking around my head could just be that.


    ¡®¡®Maybe we shouldn¡¯t,¡¯¡¯ I whisper softly, getting that niggle of doubt once again; being taken over by his


    air all over me andpletely losing my courage. I am afraid that letting him possess me will change


    more than the dynamics between us. I can¡¯t exin it, it''s like I¡¯m standing on a precipice and doing


    this will be like stepping off a cliff. I have no idea what this feeling is other thanplete doubt and


    apprehension. I put it down to fear from the scene with Gino earlier and give myself a mental shake for


    my cowardice.


    ¡®¡®Losing your courage, London?¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s deep husky voice gives me tingles. I shiver as hot firm fingers


    trace my spine from the edge of my knickers, up my naked back to my neck, and close my eyes as the


    sensations overtake me. No man has ever ignited my body with just a simple touch and now I know for


    sure how stupid this is ¡­. He influences me, some power I do not understand, and I should take my


    dress and walk the fuck away, yet I¡¯m glued to the spot and my body won¡¯t listen.


    Mind and emotionspletely at war with one another. He unclips my bra and I know I am in the


    moment of choice right here. Stop it now, end this foolishness, or suck it up and just enjoy whatever


    sex happens between us. Mydy parts make the aching choice for me, practically crying to be


    remembered. Two years is too long without a real man between my thighs. Stop overthinking this and


    dissociate this moment with Alexi Carrero and just see him like any other man. I can do this. I want


    some release for my throbbing body, and he might be a good fuck with a more satisfying orgasm than


    my ¡®¡®BOB¡¯¡¯ can supply. Although that¡¯s a high standard to reach.


    My indecision falls to the floor in front of me along with my bra that he expertly unhooked, and he shifts


    beside me andes further forward, so he¡¯s looking at mepletely side on. and I take a moment


    topose myself and find my backbone. I know sex, I control sex and seduction is my forte, if I let


    him walk all over me I¡¯ll end up tied to his bed and gagged like a whore. I have no intention of letting


    him think he can treat me like all those little sluts he brings up here, I won¡¯t be his submissive. My fear


    won¡¯t allow me to be that whether I want it or not.


    Over the years my phobia of being used that way has grown and it¡¯s unbearable now, so I need to


    make sure I stay with my head in the game and not lose myself in surrender. I turn to him boldly,


    surprised to see he¡¯s already peeled off his shirt and is unbuttoning his trousers,pletely topless


    and toned with a muscr toned body on show and wasting no time at all. Those tattoos are not as far


    spread as I expected, curling over both shoulders and one side of his neck, down both arms


    sporadically and peeking out on his hand. As he leans to push down his trousers I catch a glimpse over


    his shoulder and see the majority of his artwork is down his spine and across his shoulder des,


    taking up most of the skin on disy and its crazily sexy. All ck ink and interwoven oriental designs,


    dragons and skulls. Something gothic yet beautiful in the way they all flow together to make an intricate


    lacework of patterns. He has a taste for the darker style of tattoos and I catch a snake interwoven into a


    skull on his left shoulder as a ck widow nestles on top. Morbid beauty. Very Alexi.


    He has a body to die for, all toned, tight, and sculpted. That sallow Italian skin is tanned just enough to


    make me weak at the knees but not garish and overdone like a man who frequents a tanning bed, this


    is all natural. He is, by physical standards,plete perfection and I guess he spends more time in the


    gym than I give him credit for¡ªeither that or he has great DNA and is lucky to have a fast metabolism


    and effortless physique. Alexi straightens up in only fitted boxers and I have to try not to check out how


    much he is packing but it¡¯s unbelievably hard not to notice. If he¡¯s even semi-hard right now then he¡¯s


    carrying way more than most men and I have a moment of doubt that this will be good. There is a fine


    line between well-endowed and ufortablyrge, something I learned from working the streets for


    years. I look away and try and just focus on his face and see the smirk already in ce. Mr Confidence


    oozing all over him. He knows he has a decent size in his shorts, smug prick.


    ¡®¡¯So ¡­ no kissing?¡¯¡¯ He regards me with a look ofplete amusement and I shake my head. It¡¯s


    almost like he¡¯s negotiating our contract once more and we¡¯re not standing naked in front of one


    another, about to change everything. I can tell he thinks the kissing thing is dumb, I mean why wouldn¡¯t


    he? Nothing is personal or intimate for him; he can kiss sluts all day long and feel nothing. To me


    there¡¯s something worse about being kissed than being screwed face to face, eye to eye and I would


    just rather not go there with him after his kiss in the bar started to affect me in weird ways. I kissed


    people in my past, sometimes. Usually to seduce and as a tool but it¡¯s not something I have done for


    my own pleasure, or because I wanted to kiss anyone.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    Alexi however, changed that.


    His eyes look paler, even in the dull light of the kitchen glow from the counter lights; shadows cast on


    chiselled perfection and I try to steady my racing heartbeat. He works me into a fever just by looking at


    him this way and I am so going to hell for this. Sleeping with Satan surely has to be bad for your health.


    ¡®¡¯Just sex. That goes nowhere else.¡¯¡¯

 Chapter 27

    Chapter 27


    ¡®¡¯A meaningless screw for our own pleasure.¡¯¡¯ I add hoping he gets that I mean nothing kinky. I won¡¯t let


    him possess me that way and this is unemotional and a means to an end. An itch that needs to be


    scratched to eradicate tension. That is all it is.


    ¡®¡¯Sounds fine to me, turn around.¡¯¡¯ Hemands and without thought I do it, not really contemting


    the request then jump when he catches both my wrists from behind me and pulls them back behind me


    roughly. Instant fear from both him being behind me and what he does.


    ¡®¡®What are you doing?¡¯¡¯ I yank them free and turn back on him in panic, meeting a smirk of amusement


    as he drapes his tie over my shoulders casually. All my reverse cylinders are firing full throttle in an


    instant.


    ¡®¡®What do you think? Tying you up, fucking you from behind, over that.¡¯¡¯ He nods at the low table and


    then makes a turning motion with his hand as though it¡¯s a reasonable request and I am just being


    obtuse. I refuse to budge this time, taking his tie from my shoulder and throwing it at the couch instead


    and stering a firm look on my face. Everything in me going weak with nerves but I won¡¯t let him see


    it. Also ignoring the fact he doesn¡¯t seem to think I need any sort of forey or time to work up to being


    pounded¡ªbut that¡¯s another issue to the one we have here.


    ¡®¡®No!¡¯¡¯ I say it sternly with emotion rising in my throat. Both at the thought of being bound and a flicker of


    a memory I¡¯m trying so hard to squeeze out. I push it down hard and he just tilts his head at me.


    ¡®¡®No? You¡¯re telling me no?¡¯¡¯ He turns me againughing in disbelief, shaking his head andpletely


    dismissing my refusal.


    A look of stubborn reigning in. He takes my shoulder firmly, turning me against my will, only this time he


    runs his hand around my waist and then one on my back and pushes me forward, so I¡¯m knocked to


    lean over and nt my hands on the coffee table in surprised response. He¡¯s manoeuvring me to do


    what he wants and treating this exactly like he probably treats all sex. No asking or gentle coaxing, no


    romance or two adults being equally involved; just bend over and let me screw you my way,pletely


    disregarding my refusal in any way. This is why he gives no shits about forey. He¡¯s a selfish lover


    that sees women as a means to an end and doesn¡¯t care if they even enjoy it. it¡¯s all about him.


    ¡®¡¯Can¡¯t half tell you always get your own way.¡¯¡¯ I shove him back aggressively, bile rising in my throat


    from that ache of unease coursing through me now and get myself upright again, moving out of reach


    of his hand as he goes to catch me, and I hold up a finger. That growing sense of anxiety like a heavy


    pit inside of me at his insistence to get behind me. I just can¡¯t.


    ¡®¡®No!¡¯¡¯ I snap at him and this time he looks mildly pissed, more than just pig-headed. Surprised, yet


    pissed nheless. I doubt any woman in his entire life has ever told him ¡®no¡¯ besides his own mother.


    ¡®¡¯Now what? No tying? No fucking you over the table? Do I need to sit down and write up a list?¡¯¡¯ He


    res at me and my temper spikes at hisplete arrogance and what he thinks he owns of my body.


    This was a consensual agreement and yet it¡¯s all on his terms and his wants, bloody bull brained selfish


    prick of a man.


    ¡®¡¯I won¡¯t be treated like one of your doormat sluts, you file in here like a fucking conveyor belt. If you


    want to have sex with me then show me some damn respect. I¡¯m not an object, I¡¯m a woman and I


    have some say on how I like to be fucked. Stop trying to push me into your shitty bondage crap when I


    said no.¡¯¡¯ I hadn¡¯t expected a feminist rant, but he just seems to pull this shit out of me. I don¡¯t care if I


    am standing in only a pair ofce underwear; he is making my blood boil.


    Heughs sardonically, not looking amused per se, just a tad outraged and probably disbelieving some


    mere girl refused him. He just shakes his head at me looking insane and wolfish as his temper begins


    to rise.


    ¡®¡¯You fucking serious right now?¡¯¡¯ That tone is very much a pissed Carrero. I know it well, it¡¯s normally in


    response to me goading him. I don¡¯t think I have heard him swear in this context before. I wrack my


    brains to think if he¡¯s ever sworn in temper and just cannot think of an example off the top of my head


    while getting highly anxious. He sounds angry, so therefore I know he¡¯s not demonic about to flip to


    psycho angry but still, it does put a little fear into me which feeds my annoyance.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, I am. You said you y by consensual rules and I am giving you my boundaries.¡¯¡¯


    I stand my ground despite my lip starting to wobble and I bite on it to hide it. I won¡¯t back down for the


    bastard, not when ites to this. I spent too many years letting others control what happened to my


    body.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck this shit.¡¯¡¯


    Alexi pushes past me moodily, knocking me sideways so I almost tumble over and grabs his shirt from


    the couch in a swipe of aggression. Reverting to spoiled little man-child and throwing an epic tantrum.


    He storms to the kitchen and starts mming around sses and bottles of booze.


    Seems he¡¯s good at making the rules but does not like listening to anyone else¡¯s and I¡¯m surprised he


    does actually listen. He is being ridiculous over something so minor. My own temper finds root and


    surges like a bushfire.


    ¡®¡¯Oh my fucking God! Are you seriously having a temper tantrum because I won¡¯t let you just use and


    abuse my body for your sadistic games?¡¯¡¯ I literally feel all ounces of self-control fly at his boorish,


    abusive arsehole act and throw a scatter cushion at his back impulsively. It¡¯s not my crowning glory


    moment and as soon as I do it Ipletely regret it. I always did have a bit of a throwing reflex and as


    much as I try to curb it sometimes, it happens all by itself.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    It hits him in the back of the head with remarkable aim and he turns like a demon from hell with the


    speed of light andpletely scowls at me with a rage I didn¡¯t think his face was capable of. Not one of


    his normal responses anyway. I guess he is still fragile after his Gino scene.


    He furrows his brow so deeply he looks insane and then storms towards me with aggression and speed


    that has me backing up to get away, tripping over my own feet and aiming for the nearest exit as


    remorse floods me and terror guides me.


    Shit! Shit! Shit!


    Now I know what true fear feels like. He¡¯s faster than I am and as he gets to me I literally panic in all-


    out white horror as he grabs me by the wrist. I impulsively p him in the face in frightened self-


    defence, hard enough it makes a horrendous noise and burns my hand half to death with the impact.


    Paling as the realisation of what I impulsively did, hits me.


    Cami? What the actual hell did you just do?


    It¡¯s a fight or flight reaction and as soon as I do it I swear I just want the ground to open up and take


    me; if I thought he was mad before, then the turn from fire to ice makes my entire body turn cold to fluid


    in one turn of his head. If evil had a face, then I am looking it in the eye and I literally recoil inplete


    angst as that sweep of intimidating calmes over him. I feel instantly sick with the wave of change


    that happens so obviously.


    He closes down all hints of emotion and that nk face takes on an eerie smugness. He smirks, rubs


    his thumb deliberately and slowly over his lip where the bottom of my palm caught him and looks at me


    in the most wrathful way I have ever seen on any face in my whole life. Cold, sinister and calm. His


    calcting brain devising a plot to make me suffer. I swear that¡¯s what I summarise in that expression.


    I¡¯m frozen to my spot and hold my breath because I think I just unleashed the insane and I have


    nowhere to run and nowhere to hide; even if his guards hear my screams they will ignore them. I know


    how this world operates and his paid goons are hired to clean up whatever mess he makes while never


    judging him for it.


    Alexi catches me around the throat like he did earlier and as I gasp in fright and sheer terror, he ms


    me back against the wall that I have backed myself up against. Winding me, he¡¯s nose to nose and my


    body ispletely limp because I know what¡¯sing and tense for the impact of a beating. I have


    been here a million and one times before, except the difference is that I know fighting Alexi is futile, and


    he¡¯s got the capability of killing me if I do.

 Chapter 28

    Chapter 28


    I don¡¯t doubt he has the skill andck of moralpass to do so. The man doesn¡¯t have a conscience.


    He brings his forehead to mine and looks me dead in the eye, both of us immobile and silent as so


    much tension in the air crackles around us. My insides have turned to ash and I know I¡¯m about to


    endure brutality like I never imagined.


    I stifle a sob, my body shaking visibly, and yet he just sucks all the air out of me with one swift move.


    Alexi kisses me. Completely blows my head out of the water as he forces his mouth on mine and I


    respond, somewhere between relief and primal urge from high adrenaline. Kissing him back, letting


    myself go with a surge of craziness. My fingers framing his jaw instantly, his arms are around my waist


    in a second and he¡¯s pulling me against him with a hunger that hits us like a typhoon. It¡¯s like being


    dropped in a hot pool of water after being out in the cold, body heat and impulsive reactions are sizzling


    crazily and we both seem to lose all control.


    I can¡¯t stop him and yet my mouth won¡¯t stop pulling at his; surrendering, caressing his tongue and


    biting his lip as he lifts me from my feet and pushes me back against the wall with the same force. He¡¯s


    not gentle in any way, not that I ever expected he would be. Harshly pushing me and gripping so that I


    know his attentions will leave my skin bruised, yet it just makes me crave for more. My fingers raking


    his scalp as I try and curl them into his hair which is barely long enough to get a grip of. I want him so


    badly I lose all inhibition.


    His hand cups my breast as he pushes against me and next thing I know I¡¯m on the floor, my body


    meeting ground abruptly and winding me with the force. He¡¯s on top of me, yanking my knickers off


    roughly, ripping them free and burning my skin cruelly as my nails rake his body, and he pushes my


    legs open with a knee. He shoves his own underwear down far enough to get free and I arch when I


    feel him spring against me, teasingly good. He kisses me fiercely, teeth hitting teeth, biting my lip and


    devouring me like a hungry animal¡ªall over its dying prey and ravenous.


    He doesn¡¯t care about how rough and unsynchronised this is; it¡¯s just pure animal. I was right about


    one thing¡ªhe has hot Italian blood, and this is mind-blowingly hot. I feel his erection out with one hand


    and grasp it tight enough to make it grow harder; rubbing him, clutching at him and suddenly consumed


    with a need to feel it inside of me. I¡¯m practically begging him to do this and no longer feel anything


    except an all-consuming burning need to have him in me. Cravings so strong it feels like I¡¯m an addict


    needing a fix. I may lose my mind if he doesn¡¯t give it to me.


    There¡¯s no gentle or slow about it as Alexi grabs my wrists and pins me to the floor roughly, almost


    mming my arms against the hard surface as I yelp. He moves to bite and kiss my neck, lifting and


    arching his body to fit mine and then practically pushes me across the surface with one almighty thrust


    ¡ªwith a cruel force he rams himself into me spectacrly. I cry out with a muffled moan as his


    shoulder covers my mouth and stifles it. There¡¯s no work up, forey or anything preluding to sex and


    now I know how he¡¯s choosing to punish me for hitting him.


    Even though it¡¯s consensual and I wanted this, there is no pleasure in what he does to me and I¡¯m


    reminded that Alexi is a bastard of epic proportion and not someone you ever fuck with. I hit him and


    therefore he made sex his weapon, making a point of hurting me in response. This is his brutal


    payback. He doesn¡¯t hit women, but he finds other more sadistic ways of getting his own back.


    A few seconds of burning, stinging and difort; he grinds into me, filling me, making my body rise


    and fall with every thrust and despite myself and how much I am screaming inside my own head about


    how much I hate him¡ªI start to moan out with every thrust and movement as he slows and starts to


    circle against me more evenly. It¡¯s almost as though he¡¯s now trying to get me to feel some pleasure. I


    took my punishment, a stinging quick pain that equals the one I gave him and now he¡¯s over it.


    Alexi is a sadistic wanker. I wasn¡¯t ready for him, yet somehow so quickly my body is finding something


    worthy of enjoying this. I can¡¯t move, he is making sure my protests to being restrained are ignored and


    I¡¯m literally held, arms and legs open and wide for him to take me any way he pleases. I can handle this


    face on though, my issue is being taken from behind.Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    His aggression is abating, and he seems to be getting into a more rxed rhythm as the first sharp


    pain numbs into aching and longing. I bite his mouth when hees for another kiss, angrily and


    passionately, and he grins instead, that sadist in him enjoying my fight and I just fight harder. Fuelled


    with my rage that he would fuck me like this as a punishment for defying him.


    I want him, but I also want to hate him, and I am not giving in like some wanton wench that easily. I turn


    my face away from another attempt at a kiss and he swoops in at my ear instead, biting the lobe as I


    bite on my own lip in ecstasy. Alexi may be a rough and selfish lover, but he has natural skills in firing a


    woman¡¯s body to a fever pitch, and I am not immune. It¡¯s all that solid mass of muscle and


    testosterone. He has ample equipment and there¡¯s not much he can do wrong when his natural size


    hits every good spot inside of me. He can be azy lover when he has the right tools that require


    minimal effort.


    Wriggling my wrist free until he lets it go, he cups my throat instead as he slows his movements and


    eases into me purposely, while still holding me captive. Finding his rhythm and a morefortable


    position.


    I grasp at his bicep, but a wave of pleasure shoots through me and I arch against him in the sweep of


    body weakening goodness¡ªa little shocked. No man has ever got me to cum without a lot of self-


    pleasuring during the act, so to have him find the spot to hit while forcefully taking me,pletely hits


    me with surprise. Another shooting waving of tingles and low stomach butterflies hit home. I pant as he


    thrusts deeper inside of me once more; it¡¯s the build-up of an orgasm alright and I begin to writhe


    around, unable to stop myself from moaning out, aching for him to give me my release.


    For the bastard that he is, sex is mind-blowing with him and it just grates on me that he isn¡¯t even trying


    to make it good. It¡¯s a total fluke that my body just works with what he¡¯s got. The floor is hard cold wood


    beneath me and with his weight and cruel body pressing down on me it all adds to the difort, yet


    the pleasure too. I can feel every bone chafing against the hard surface with his weight bearing down


    on me, but I don¡¯t want to change position as my pleasure builds. It¡¯s all too good.


    He lets my other wrist go so he can put his palm on the floor and lifts himself up, so his torso is high


    above me and releases some of the ufortable pain in my back. Thrusting, pushing, screwing me


    harder and faster while still holding my throat tightly, yet he¡¯s no longer hurting me. All I can do is clutch


    at his arms and hold on for the ride. Closing my eyes and breathing hard through every thrust of


    intense pleasure. Now I get why women sound like they do when his captive victim, I¡¯m moaning out


    like a dying animal and making noises I never usually make. I won¡¯t forget this in a hurry anyway.


    Alexi has just ruined me for any other man ever again.


    He leans back down and captures my mouth for a kiss, getting another bite from me and I dig my nails


    into his biceps as I do so. Wounding him, making it clear I am so pissed for what he just did to me, and


    I am not going back on the no kissing thing yet again. All I get is another smile, another smug confident


    look and more length pushed inside of me, slowly, teasing my body to insane levels of need. He likes to


    torture in any way he can and it¡¯s clear that sex is another tool he has harnessed to use to his own


    agenda. I am not the first women he¡¯s both tortured and pleasured to get his sick sadistic kick. It¡¯s


    written all over him.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m not sorry ¡­ if you hit me I find other ways to hurt you. If you don¡¯t want me to fuck you that way


    then keep your hands to yourself. An eye for an eye.¡¯¡¯ He pushes against me some more and I close


    my eyes, moaning and arching below him as heat and fire spread up my limbs and I grip his shoulders


    cruelly. Digging nails into him in a bid to tell him to fuck off, while caught in the throes of a building


    throbbing pleasure. When he pulls back and stops abruptly I blink my eyes open in protest and see just


    how satisfied he looks. That evil glint of smug because he knows he has me teetering on the edge of


    an explosive orgasm, and he¡¯s denying me it.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re a bastard you know that?¡¯¡® I blurt out in the respite of his still body, ring furiously at him for


    stopping mid-climax. Hating him with a passion. He leans up over me, not moving and still inside of me,


    then he let¡¯s go of me to rest both palms on the floor on either side of my head. I feelpletely


    hemmed in and trapped under the bulk of him with my legs propped up around his hips, but I can¡¯t


    exactly move. He has me pinned down in the most pornographic way, impaled to the floor. Not that I¡¯m


    comining.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t care. I¡¯ve told you once; don¡¯t test me as you won¡¯t like what I am capable of. You¡¯re lucky I am


    in a good mood.¡¯¡¯ He twitches an eyebrow sarcastically and I just shove at his chest and try to push him


    off. Rage firing out of every pore as I realise he has no intention of letting me cum and this is all about


    control and cruelty. Getting the upper hand.


    ¡®¡®If you¡¯re finished then get the fuck off me.¡¯¡¯ I snap at him, but Alexi justughs coldly.


    ¡®¡®Baby, you¡¯ll know when I am done, just y nice and I might move us from here to something a little


    comfier. y nice and I¡¯ll be nice. I might let you finish.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s that hint of truth which sets me off again,


    that love- hate thing I have going on for this man and his eternal skill at pissing me off, no matter what


    we are doing. Internal rage erupting from my volcanic temper.


    ¡®¡®What to all fours? Like you wanted me originally? I think I hate you and nice isn¡¯t in your vocabry or


    your gic makeup.¡¯¡¯

 Chapter 29

    Chapter 29


    I spit at him and p him in the chest, stupidly, not caring if he goes back to hard thrusting. I¡¯m so not


    ready to back down, and maybe he might be the first guy who gets me to an orgasmic climax with a


    few more aggressive moves if I rile him up again. I can hate him and still get off on his manhood. Alexi


    just watches me for a moment before pulling out of me and gets up, yanking me with him harshly by my


    arm and hauling me like I am a weightless nothing. I am somewhere between rage, hatred and ¡®get


    back inside of me and finish this, you arsehole¡¯. My body is overheating from his attention and my skin


    blushed rosy, everywhere. Alexi takes a second to look me over and just grins in that self-assured


    ¡®master of his universe¡¯ way of his.


    He practically throws me on the couch. Somehow, I trip and end up face down, my face buried harshly


    on ck leather that starts suffocating me. I pull my hands to lever myself up, instantly trying to rectify


    my position and try to breathe, but he has my wrists faster than I can pull them and yanks them behind


    my back cruelly. I have no way of getting up from this bent over position or refuse his advances while


    held this way. Immediate horror hitting home that despite my refusal, he¡¯s going to fuck me this way. I


    start fighting him, wriggling and making smothered yells and cries into the smooth fabric blinding me.


    Choking myself as I panic and squirm when he grabs my hip from behind to manoeuvre me into doggy


    position. Kicking my ankles apart and I almost crumble to my knees with the sudden movement¡ªhe


    has me powerless, my legs shaking and giving out as fear consumes me and I try like crazy to get my


    wrists from his cruel biting hold.


    A wave of terror overtakes me and I literally freak out at being face down while he tries to take me from


    behind. This is one thing that sends me into a psychotic rage and fear, and I will battle to the death


    before I let anyone do this to me again. That inner mental crazy who asionally surfaces,shes out


    and fights, twists and turns.


    Strength from God knows where. I push all my weight onto my chest and use my legs to break his hold


    on me, tears streaming and smearing across the couch as I cry out in desperation. Panic consuming


    me and turning me into a blubbering emotional mess in a nanosecond. I manage to get loose, enough


    to flip to my back and pull myself fully onto the sofa, to safety. Using my feet to shove him away as I


    curl up defensively and I can¡¯t help the eruption of words thate out of me.


    ¡®¡®NO! NO! NO! GET FUCKING OFF ME. STOP IT! DON¡¯T TOUCH ME!¡¯¡¯ I scream at him, lifting hands


    and legs defensively in readiness to fight, to save myself. A deranged little wildcat who has been


    backed into a corner and not caring about the spectacle of nakedness I am like this. He just pauses


    and looks at me as though I have lost my ever-loving mind. ¡®¡®What the hell are you doing?¡¯¡¯ He lifts his


    hands away, no longer trying to capture me and just looks nk. That typical Carrero response as I


    break and sob, hating that he reduced me to panic induced tears of fear. He has no idea how afraid he


    makes me or how doing that to me adds a whole new level of trauma. I have memories and scars that


    he knows nothing about.


    I¡¯m breathing heavily and feeling stupid for my overreaction, but I just can¡¯t. It¡¯s how HE, that bastard


    boyfriend of my mother¡¯s, always used to do this to me ¡­ hold me face down, suffocating in the


    nkets of my bed and hurt me from behind. He made me stand that way and if I buckled while he did


    it, then he would beat me ck and blue and start again. I can¡¯t be taken from behind, it just makes me


    flip out irrationally and all I can see, hear, feel and smell is that fucking room back home and how many


    times he made me take this, tied, bound and gagged.


    I was a child.


    Warm tears slide down my cheeks and I just feel stupid and ashamed that he broke me enough to see


    this part. That I had a moment of weakness with him of all people and let my past and present collide


    so openly while ying into his hands and giving him more fuel for that sadistic smug mind of his. I


    swear since the day I met him he has been pulling apart the carefullyid bricks of my unbreakable wall


    and ruining the entire persona I built for myself.


    I don¡¯t know how he even does it. I hate him so much!


    ¡®¡®What are you doing?¡¯¡¯ He asks again more edge to his tone as I stay in my stupidly childish position,


    holding up my palms and feet as though somehow nakedly I can stop him in this way. I have not a


    chance in hell of stopping the freight train that is Carrero, trembling like a pathetic feeble kid and


    sobbing in front of the one person who hasplete immunity to tears.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    ¡®¡®Someone hurt me this way, repeatedly ¡­ Please don¡¯t.¡¯¡¯ Ites out impulsively, broken and small


    and I curse myself for giving him this weapon over me. Information is everything to him and he uses


    your own scars against you effectively. I just feel so raw and fragile and start scrambling to rebuild the


    self-defence system I normally hide behind.


    Alexi just lookspletely unemotional and moves back, giving me room as I slowly lower my limbs,


    but his eyes never leave mine. I wipe my face and grab the grey fur throw from the couch and haul it


    over myself pathetically; needing a moment to regroup and put this shit back to bed. I feel vulnerable


    and way too wide open and eye him with zero trust. Embarrassed, humiliated and aware that I just put


    myself out there in a stupidly vulnerable position.


    I never fall apart anymore, I never let that stuff resurface and yet somehow the way he was being, the


    sense of being controlled and hurt, he brings it all back to the surface and has done from day one. I


    hate the effects he has over me and this was a mistake. A huge fucking mistake.


    ¡®¡®Who hurt you this way?¡¯¡¯ His question takes mepletely by surprise and I just blink at him brokenly.


    It¡¯s not a gentle probing question, but one ofmand and a need to know. Carrero always needs to


    know, always questions things, and yet never seems to give a truly human response no matter how sad


    the answer. There is something wrong with him mentally and he ispletely broken as a person.


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯ I need more time to get my head together.


    ¡®¡¯Who hurt you?¡¯¡¯ He repeats it and sits on the coffee table, uncaring about beingpletely naked and


    clearlyfortable in his own skin. He just stares at me, with the same emotionless nk stare and


    waits for an answer. There¡¯s nothing behind those pale eyes except calm, and I was wrong to think


    someone like him would feel anything for a woman being broken and tearful. It¡¯s not a deterrent, and he


    probably wants to get it out and over and done with, so I will open my legs and let him finish what he


    was doing. He¡¯s calcted enough to know it¡¯s the fastest way to resume things.


    ¡®¡¯You did, on the floor. Leave me alone. I¡¯m going to bed.¡¯¡¯ I try and deflect but when I try to get up he


    pushes me back down harshly, in no mood for games, and he¡¯s in no rush to let me go either. I curse


    him internally and wipe another flood of tears from my cheeks, my body sagging with emotional fatigue


    and I have lost all cravings for hot sex now. ¡®¡®You belong to me ¡­ if someone hurt you then I want to


    know. I¡¯ll take care of it.¡¯¡¯ Deadpan andpletely serious. I nch at him in stupefaction and then


    start tough manically, disbelievingly, and rather insanely.


    ¡®¡®Yeah sure Dahling, go find some fucking bastard who made my life a living hell long before your time.


    Good luck with that. What makes you are any better than him? You both figure you own me and I¡¯m


    yours to do whatever you want to. The only difference between you and him is that you don¡¯t hit me for


    your pleasure ¡­ yet¡ªbut you just inflicted pain on me in other ways so it¡¯s not much of a step up.¡¯¡¯ I let


    out a sob and get angry at myself for letting him do this to me, letting him get to me. I get up shakily


    with my temper in full fury, no longer in control of the hot tears running down my face and Alexi doesn¡¯t


    react, he just stands slowly and meets my small height. The throw is heavy and tugging down as I try to


    lift it up, but he just yanks it away and throws it down again. So I¡¯m stood exposed, as he is, face to


    face.


    ¡®¡¯Are you done?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s all he fucking says, and I swear I seriously think about pping him for a second


    time. I shake my head at him in disbelief and shove him hard in the chest so he moves back a foot.


    Hating him with venom and for once it might be nice to have his human side show up when I require its


    presence. Sometimes, even I long for someone to care.

 Chapter 30

    Chapter 30


    ¡®¡¯Go fuck yourself. You¡¯re a cold bastard and I curse the day you stopped me from being thrown in the


    river.¡¯¡¯ I turn to storm off, but he catches my wrist and hauls me back, meeting my pping hands and


    just deflects them, pulling me close as he silences me with another kiss. Only this time it¡¯s not like the


    one from before, it¡¯s softer, smoother and more like the kiss from the bar. Wrapping his arms around


    me as he lifts me up into him and runs a hand around my jaw to pull me closer. It¡¯s almost tender,


    hitting my craving need for someone to make me feel better and despite myself and my fury, I weaken


    to him almost instantly. Like it¡¯s a weird power he has and I can¡¯t fight it.


    Losing myself and letting go of my hurt, I kiss him back. Faced with less aggression and some tiny


    need in me wanting this somehow. A pathetic craving for little hints of affection, someone to make me


    feel like I matter.


    I kiss him and let him caress my tongue with his. I don¡¯t fight when he lifts me up around his waist


    tugging the throw from my legs, where it¡¯s still wrapped andying me back on the couch, so he can


    get on top of me. Alexi says nothing, just starts trailing my face and neck with nibbles and kisses as I


    dry my tears andpose myself once more. He seems oblivious to my upset as though thest few


    minutes never happened and starts working my body into a wild frenzy with a caress of trailing hands


    and a lot less rough y.


    It¡¯s as different to his first wave of sex as day and night and I arch, finding that pleasure once more,


    takingfort in physical touch as he gently teases my nipples with his teeth and feels out my inner


    warmth with his hand. Fingering me gently until I moan out, before sliding into me slowly this time. It¡¯s


    almost like he¡¯s trying to apologise for the harsh handling or being slightly considerate because he


    upset me, yet I know that¡¯s impossible. Alexi is never sorry about anything. He hasn¡¯t got it in him to


    feel remorse, so maybe this is just more maniption to finish what he started.


    He¡¯s horny and I never let him finish what we started. His hands have lost the urgency and even though


    he holds me down again, it¡¯s with less force or intent and his grip stays loose and gentle so that I can


    pull my limbs free if I want to. His movements and thrusts are slower and more precise; his whole


    demeanour has changed subtly but enough that instead of feeling like I am being attacked and


    screwed by a madman¡ªI feel like this is consensual sex, and he is trying not to hurt me anymore.


    Alexi brings me to a fever pitch over what feels like an age of ultimate pleasure, until my body arches


    and convulses and I cry out through an epic mind-blowing orgasm that makes my body shudder


    intensely for the longest minutes. Clinging to him, pushing myself to that hard torso until he pours


    himself inside of me too and lets out an exhale before slumping on top of me andpletely stills in


    the darkness.


    I have no sense of how long he has been having sex with me but it was enough to lose thest traces


    of light and for my body to fall into sated slumber as soon as he rolls off the top of me. He brushes a


    kiss across my temple, weirdly affectionate, as my eyes flutter closed.


    I barely feel the fur of the throw warming me as he slides it over, too busy zoning off to thend of nod


    with a body that finally got two whole years¡¯ worth of release from being celibate. Alexi quietly pads


    across the room to his own and disappears as I let myself fall into slumber, feeling a whole lot of


    nothing anymore.


    I wake up in my own bed alone and blink around in disorientated confusion. I fell asleep on the couch,


    yet I wake here in a bed that is obvious he has never ventured into. It¡¯spletely unbelievable to me


    that he would take the time and care to put me in bed like this and I sit up to gather my wits and shake


    my brain awake.


    It¡¯s gotten to the stage with him that I never know which way is up. He¡¯s a contradiction to himself in


    every way, the hints of decent that sometimes linger in him and sometimes peek through, and then he


    turns into aplete demon of epic proportions. I can¡¯t read him or get my head around him.? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    Psycho to gentle lover in a heartbeat, but he¡¯s still a bossy control freak with severe issues. Alexi is a


    mind fuck and I know I just made a huge mistake in letting him have thest ounces of me. Control is


    his thing, possession, and I just gave him the one part that he didn¡¯t already own willingly.


    I lost my hand; all my cards are now face up on the table and I left myself with no bargaining tools. I¡¯m


    such an idiot. I don¡¯t get what changed his mind on why sex is suddenly no longer off limits but I know


    him, he always has an angle and if he felt sex meant it helped him manipte and control me then he


    would use it. Maybe he thinks I¡¯ll fall for him, be more amodating and obedient if he starts


    fucking me.


    I have no intention of letting him get inside my head and unbeknown to him, sex does nothing for me


    emotionally, even if he is good at it.


    I get up and head for the shower, dazed, messy and just fragile fromst night. I need to get a grip and


    get some breathing space from him, he¡¯s like an all-consuming ck hole when he¡¯s near me and I


    cannot see the stars beyond. He just draws me in and nks everything else out in a bad way, I


    second guess myself and all my tricks and games fall hard on deaf ears. He¡¯s immune to all of them,


    andst night only proved that it¡¯s not an effect that works both ways.


    He got exactly what he wanted from me and I put up no resistance at all. Pathetic Cami, you¡¯re losing


    your edge over a fucking man. What the hell is wrong with you?


    I wander into the bar fresh and made up, in a tight ck shift dress, heels and with sleek hair. I took a


    couple of hours to make myself ready to face the world and I feel better.


    The bar is closed right now, but the staff are in cleaning up the remains ofst night all around us. I can


    hear hoovers going on in the boudoirs from the cleaners and Alexi is sat at the far end of the bar with a


    te of food as he reads papers. He looks crisp and ready to face his day in a fresh pale blue shirt


    over light trousers for once and I wonder if he even slept at all. It¡¯s not even ten a.m. and he was


    downstairs long before me.


    ¡®¡¯Good morning.¡¯¡¯ I smile brightly; not willing to act likest night happened at all and I nod at the girl


    behind the bar to go rustle me up the same as he has. Food is something we actually do here although


    there isn¡¯t much call for it when a party is in full swing and it¡¯s usually more of a staff request than a


    customer. We have some capable cooks on our serving staff, and she scuttles off to the concealed


    kitchen within the bar''s inner arch to make me grilled cheese and a side sd.


    He picks up his coffee, eyes never leaving the paper he is holding up and just takes a long slow sip.


    ¡®¡¯Morning London. You¡¯re down here early.¡¯¡¯ He nces at me, his eyes running up and down my outfit,


    and then goes back to what he¡¯s doing. He¡¯s acting exactly like normal Carrero and not like a guy who


    pounded me into his couch for an hour. It¡¯s like it never happened at all and I hate the sense of


    disappointment it gives me.


    Fucking amateur. I need to stop driving myself inside out and utterly insane over this indifferent


    arsehole and find myself a new focus and ything. I need a defenceless victim to flex my seduction


    muscles on and get this out of my system. I need a challenge and some fun of my own where the mind


    game master is my crown and not his.


    He screws with my whole calm and I hate not being the one who is being fawned over and adored


    effortlessly by sex starved men aiming to get another go between my legs. That¡¯s all this is.


    ¡®¡¯I think I might head into the city and buy a new dress or two today, before we openter.¡¯¡¯ I wriggle in


    the awkward bar stool, trying to getfy, but sitting on these hard surfaces reminds me that I am a


    little tender down there this morning. Being bruised from a premature entry leaves its mark and I bet


    the bastard would be satisfied to know he¡¯s left me in difort.


    ¡®¡¯Good idea. Get out of here for a while, give me some space for some clients I haveing.¡¯¡¯ He is


    even-toned, normal Alexi and I just gawp at his profile. Hating how much it¡¯s annoying me that he¡¯s


    being so fucking ignorant. It was good sex, even with all that happened in


    between.

 Chapter 31

    Chapter 31


    He could at least acknowledge that we work together. There¡¯s chemistry. ¡®¡¯Coming here? Don¡¯t you


    normally take your serious day to day work to your office in the city?¡¯¡¯ I know he has one; he has a


    whole building apparently and spends the time he¡¯s not here wherever that is. I will let this go and act


    like I don¡¯t give a shit either. Maybe pretend the sex was mediocre. He clearly must have thought so.


    ¡®¡¯This one is a more casual arrangement; People I don¡¯t want to be seen with publicly, make yourself


    scarce. Don¡¯te back till after three.¡¯¡¯ Alexi slides his hand into his pocket and pulls out his wallet,


    sliding out his ck stic and pushing it across the granite surface toward me. I just blink at the credit


    card and then at him with a questioning expression. He still carries on with his papers and doesn¡¯t look


    my way.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡¯Go pick a new wardrobe. I want you dressing a little sexier in the evenings, and get a few formal


    dresses for events I haveing up that I¡¯d like you to attend with me. I need a date that knows how to


    mingle socially and hold up intelligent conversations.¡¯¡¯ Commanding and emotionless, telling me what


    to do even if it is with his money.


    ¡®¡¯Another Demagio type arrangement?¡¯¡¯ I snap, even though I am trying not to let him get to me but his


    arrogant attitude and whole non-reaction to meing down has me feeling like I want to kick him in


    the shins with pointed shoes.


    ¡®¡¯No. I told you, that won¡¯t ever happen again. The only man who gets to touch you is me.¡¯¡¯ He drops his


    papers and pulls his food towards him, sliding his mug aside as I watch him silently. Simmering inside


    with weird hateful vibes that I cannot quite pinpoint. He just makes me so angry.


    ¡®¡¯So, we¡¯re still on that? Sex didn¡¯t cure you of that then.¡¯¡¯ I roll my eyes and re at him, bringing it up


    myself because, to be honest, it¡¯s pissing me off that he¡¯s acting like we didn¡¯t have sex, and damn


    good sex half the fucking night. It WAS good sex and that¡¯s rare.


    ¡®¡¯I didn¡¯t think it would, I just wanted to fuck you and show you who was boss. Allst night did was


    secure the fact that I own you; you are disappointingly easy to manipte for someone I had high


    hopes for. Your reputation is more than your skill London, and I was expecting fireworks and bedroom


    acrobatics, not tears and having to y nice.¡¯¡¯ And there¡¯s that sadistic smug smirk as he focuses on


    his food. Every reason in his words that remind me why I despise this prick so much. I know that is not


    a joke. He¡¯s not being arrogant or funny, he¡¯s being dickhead Carrero.


    ¡®¡¯This is getting old. You need therapy. I don¡¯t find anything attractive in this childish ownership bullshit


    you have going on and maybe you should find a new hobby or a fucking shrink.¡¯¡¯ I get up angrily,


    bubbling inside with hotva and rage, not caring if I have fooding. He just crushed me by implying


    sex was dull and treating me like shit. I am not staying for this bull crap, tears burning in the back of my


    eyes, but he catches my wrist and yanks me back to him, so I plonk back down on the stool. He¡¯s harsh


    and aggressive and sometimes makes me want to gauge his eyes out.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re my new hobby. Get used to the attention,st night wasn¡¯t a one-off and next time you will learn


    your ce. You present a challenge, a little wildcat I want to tame and discipline and show how to


    behave in a way which befits something belonging to me.¡¯¡¯ This time it¡¯s a sardonic smile, a confident


    tone that wreaks seriousness and I re hatefully because I know he means every stupid wording


    out of that idiotic mouth of his. This just went to a whole new level of war.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck off! Honest to God I cannot stand you andst night will never happen again. You were a mistake


    and ame one at that, I have had better sex with my little finger.¡¯¡¯ I spit it at him, and he just grins at


    me like it¡¯s the funniest thing he¡¯s heard all day and rattles my temper some more. ¡®¡¯Getting under your


    skin, London? You¡¯re losing your cool way more than you used to. You¡¯re not that great an actress and


    I know for a fact if I dragged you upstairs right now, you would be as willing as you werest night. I


    can almost see your panties dropping at the thought.¡¯¡¯ Sarcasm is thick, and he drops my wrists and


    goes back to his te, casually picking up his sandwich and taking a bite nonchntly. He just looks


    cocky and self-assured that he¡¯s ¡®da man¡¯ and the urge to knock histte over his nice trousers is


    overwhelming. I toss his credit card back at him with rage in my veins and I aim it for his face but it


    misses and whizzes past his shoulder instead. Not that he seems to care or even acknowledge it, he¡¯s


    too busy acting like I am an annoying mosquito that he is great at ignoring.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t need you adding more debt to my tab and drawing out this agony for longer. I¡¯ll pay for my own


    clothes and you should know ¡­ I¡¯m going apartment hunting, so I¡¯ll be back when I am back.¡¯¡¯ I toss my


    hair over my shoulder bitchily and slide off my chair defiantly, walking off towards the inner door, so I


    can go retrieve my bag from upstairs, moving swiftly so I am out of reach quickly, but he stays put.


    ¡®¡¯We¡¯ll see. Looking for an apartment is one thing. Being allowed to move out is another.¡¯¡¯ He calls after


    me with that shitty tone of arrogant prick that thinks he can rule everything about me, and I don¡¯t know


    how one man can make a couple of deadpan sentences sound like the most rage inducing thing in the


    world¡ªbut he is supreme at it.


    He slides his half-eaten food further along the bar towards me, out of his way, done with it and goes


    back to looking at his goddamn paperwork.


    ¡®¡¯I swear to fucking God!!!¡¯¡¯ I spin on him angrily, losing all remnants of cool and yelling it at him. ¡®¡¯You


    realise you are an arsehole, like seriously? You need to get a bloody grip. NEWSFLASH ALEXI! You


    cannot control someone who doesn¡¯t want to be owned! How are you going to stop me? Tie me up and


    lock me in this club? Take away my privileges of getting to go outside and chain me to the fucking


    floor? Lock me in a cupboard and keep me there indefinitely? I would like to see you fucking try, you


    complete prick!¡¯¡¯ I am practically stamping my foot at him, and he¡¯s just infuriatingly cool, watching me


    with that empty expression and those lifeless, colourless eyes. Unfazed, uncaring andpletely


    fucking devoid of humanity.


    ¡®¡¯Push me and see.¡¯¡¯ It''s not even raised in volume or tone. Infuriatingly unaffected while I¡¯m bubbling


    like molten metal over here.


    ¡®¡¯You have got to stop with the threats and the constant trying to put the fear of God into me. I don¡¯t


    care!!! Do your worst¡ªfuck me or beat me, defile me and crush me down like a worthless piece of shit


    that you found on your shoe. You wouldn¡¯t be doing anything I haven¡¯t already lived through, so if you


    thought you had an upper hand, then forget it. I can survive worse than you can throw at me so bring it


    on. I am so done with your bullshit Carrero, you are not the worst shit I have endured and if you are


    trying to break me then good luck ¡­ I died a long time ago and this is the fucking result.¡¯¡¯ I exhale after


    my mini rant and try topose myself. So fuelled with anger and breathing hard as my lungs strain


    against my outburst, my face flushed with effort and body burning with exertion.


    I really despise that he just draws this out of me effortlessly and I feel like he¡¯s trying to make me


    insane, slowly but surely. A man who can suffocate you withoutying a finger on you, another


    aplishment he would be proud of no doubt.


    ¡®¡®PMS? Or just woke up in the wrong bed and a massive case of ¡®why didn¡¯t he want to cuddle with me


    after I let him fuck me¡¯?¡¯¡¯ He smirks at me, mocking me with a convincing British ent and I just flip


    with that one little arrogant smug as fuck face and dickheadugh.


    I pick up his te of food which is nearer me than him and throw it over him, rather well aimed and


    surprisingly direct to the target, before tossing the porcin over his head like a Frisbee for effect and


    smashing it across the floor.


    ¡®¡®If I¡¯m going to be punished then maybe I¡¯ll start making it worthwhile!¡¯¡¯ I snap at him and turn to walk


    away, heart pounding as he sitspletely still and silent as sd rolls down his expensive clothes. I


    have no actual fucks to give, he¡¯s infuriating on every level and I want him to snap and strangle me to


    death, put me out of my misery once and for all.


    The bar girles back with the food I ordered and halts in open-mouthed shock as she catches sight


    of Carrero wearing his breakfast and does a double take from him to me and then back again


    sheepishly, all colour draining from her face. She has the sense to feel instant fear on my behalf.


    ¡®¡¯Better give it to him; I think he might still be hungry.¡¯¡¯ I snap at her too as I pass and try not to break


    into a run before hees after me. I know it¡¯s inevitable, but I am not waiting around for that. If I get


    my arse out of this club and into the street he¡¯s less likely to physically hurt me.


    I hear the scrape of bar stool on wooden floor and my heart literally jumps into my mouth, instant regret


    hitting hard, and I know I better run like the wind. Carrero obviously took a moment to digest what I just


    did and now he¡¯s raging.


    Reaction overtakes thought and impulsively I freak the fuck out. I don¡¯t look back, just break into a


    sprint in high shoes, aiming for the corridor to the back entrance and take off at speed. Apt at high heel


    running when I must. I have never been so petrified in my life, and even in four-inch heels I get to the


    door in record time and slide past his two goons who are napping on the job.


    I keep my ess card in my bra and with a swipe I¡¯m out in the morning sun, in New York¡¯s grey air,


    hightailing it down the side alley and up towards the front of the building to try and find a way out or a


    cab. I don¡¯t care if I have no bag or coat. I can charge most shit to my ount or go find a bank in the


    city to withdraw cash and keep out of the way all day until he simmers.


    I need to get the hell away from him while he cools down, and I am noting back until he does, it¡¯s a


    bit like lighting a fuse and realising you better move away from the st zone until it settles. Mr


    Dynamite is burning away and getting ready to go ¡®Kaboom¡¯.

 Chapter 32

    Chapter 32


    I leg it around the front of the building onto the open pavement and run straight into the smug bastard,


    thumping into that hard wall of intimidation and muscle standing waiting on me. I didn¡¯t see him at all. I


    literally ran straight into his goddamn chest and arms and get lifted right off my feet in an angry swoop


    that gives me no chance of changing direction. Breathless, panting and sweating from exertion, and he


    just strolled out the front bloody door catching me blindly.


    ¡®¡®Going somewhere London? We have more than one exit you know.¡¯¡¯ He sounds amused rather than


    angry, but I know that¡¯s not what that is. He¡¯s in devil mode and his amusement masks simmering rage.


    I try to wriggle and fight him off as he carries me back inside the gloomy club, feet dangling pathetically


    and no fight in me as I try to recover from my sprint. He barks at everyone who stops to gawp.


    ¡®¡®Everyone out!¡¯¡¯ He yells it into the silence and I go limp, fear washing through me as I realise this isn¡¯t


    going to end well at all. Emptying the room is not a signal for a cosy little chat and a heart-to-heart. I


    can¡¯t escape, he¡¯s too powerful, and he has me caught up in a hold that¡¯s making it hard to breathe,


    holding me tight enough to crack ribs as I wither with cold panic in his crushing grip. There¡¯s a


    scattering of feet as people exit from any door they can, knowing better than to disobey, and the room


    is cleared barren in a nanosecond.


    They all know who to fear and all he needs to do is click his fingers and everyone scatters to the wind.


    No one is going to stick around and help me. I wouldn¡¯t stick around to help either if it was me.


    There are no windows in this club, so apart from the light from the small high portholes he had installed


    and the electric mood lighting, we are in the gloomy darkness of a deserted bar and as it¡¯s a club, every


    wall is soundproofed to maximum effect. No one will hear my screams.


    Alexi walks me forward, focused on where we are going as I start to struggle again, my legs dangling


    above the floor by two feet and held taught against him, my arms tight to my sides and crushed to his


    chest as I have tip over his shoulder. He has me higher than his head and is making this seem like I am


    weightless. I could kick and damage him with my heels, but I think that would just add a level of stupid


    to what I have done already.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll behave, just put me down. Alexi, please ¡­¡¯¡¯ I start to tremble, fear coursing through my


    veins, but my tears mean nothing to him. He has no soul, and he might not hit women, but he finds


    other means to punish us, and I don¡¯t want to experience anything he can throw my way.


    I recoil into docile weight he is dragging along effortlessly, old habits die hard when I know that fighting


    is futile. I just defied him in front of his own people and now he¡¯s pissed, cold and closed off and that¡¯s


    when he is at his worst. I need to just revert to submissive and hope he gets over it quickly.


    He pulls out his master card and swipes one of the boudoir doors pushing it open harshly and drops


    me on my feet uncaringly, so I go over on one ankle and yelp in pain as he gets us inside. He doesn¡¯t


    stop to right me or even care that I cried in pain. The lights blink on automatically, with being motion


    sensors and I pale as the room before me bes illuminated and realise exactly what he intends to


    do to me.


    Using information fromst night to punish me in the worst kind of way. It belongs to another mafia


    boss, Santagato, and his taste is much like Alexi¡¯s, in that this room is full of BDSM ythings and a


    huge cross in the middle with straps to anchor his victim to. Alexi knows my fear of being restrained


    and being taken from behind is enough to make me an emotional wreck. He is all about the


    psychological trauma and I turn to run but get nowhere fast as he catches my upper arm and hauls me


    with him, his vice-like grip inescapable.


    I start to sob impulsively as he drags me in and kicks the door closed behind us, pulling me towards the


    wooden torture device in the middle, and I strain against him with all my might, trying hard to get loose


    from his barbaric grip; digging my heels into the floor with as much strength as I can muster. Alexi just


    yanks me with him like I weigh nothing more than a bag of sugar. Inside my organs are a mass of


    shaking Jelly and my blood has turned to ice water in my veins, I literally feel the blood drain coldly


    from every part of me, and I am left in deste fear.


    ¡®¡¯Please, Alexi, I¡¯m begging you.¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t help it; all my selfposure falling to ruin as he gets me


    closer and I fall apart mentally. Sobbing and clinging to his hand as I try to pry his fingers from me,


    praying for any hope that he has an ounce of human decency.


    Don¡¯t tie me up, don¡¯t bind me and gag me and hurt me. I¡¯ll die inside, more so than I am already.


    NOT AGAIN PLEASE, NOT AGAIN ¡­ Alexi seems nk, robotic and unreachable and just hoists me


    up as I try to curl up in a ball, dropping my weight to the floor to deter him, but it is pointless. He just


    sweeps me up and forces me, pushing me against it with his body and knee and bracing me upright


    then yanking one of my hands up in a bid to strap me to the shackles. He hauls my body taught with


    the way I am stretched up, even though I try to fight it and pull it off, but he just flicks me away


    effortlessly.


    Sheer brute strength and ack of soul make him myplete controller. I have nothing in me.


    ¡®¡®Tears and begging don¡¯t work on me. I know all your little wiles, London. As you keep telling me¡ªI


    don¡¯t have the heart to give a shit.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s so cold and I just give in, inevitable fate, no way to fight his


    strength, and I am all alone surrounded by people paid to look the other way. I know futile when I see it,


    and instead, I try to put what¡¯s left of my fight and energy into self-protection mentally, rather than


    physically. There was a reason I used to revert topliant silence; it¡¯s the only way to mentally


    disconnect from the horror being done to you, and the only way to salvage any sort of sanity. It¡¯s how I


    have lived through all I have ande out with some ounce of a functioning human.


    Close down, recoil inside and protect what I have left of my sanity. I learned this when I endured so


    much. I try to go into that ce deep inside my head as he continues to buckle me to this contraption


    and try like crazy to shut it all off, block it all out and numb myself away from what my body is going to


    endure. I can get through this. I have done so many times before when terrible awful things were done


    to my body.


    I close my eyes and bite on my lip until I taste blood, turning silent in my own mental hell as tears pour


    down my face. I flinch as every leather cuff he wraps around my lifeless limbs and waist is pulled tight


    and bites into me. Until I am fully held to the wooden cross and just hang my head inplete defeat,


    unable to look his way or focus on anything in this room anymore, awaiting my fate.


    I cannot bear to look into the face of my tormentor. It would just blur into the many faces of many dark


    memories and all woulde pouring out together. Whatever he intends to do to me cannot damage


    an already destroyed soul. I just have to live through the pain and focus on anything else. Go to my


    silent ce in my head where no one can hurt me; where they can¡¯t ever find me.


    There¡¯s quiet while I await the start of what he intends to do; tense, silent crying and waiting. The


    agony of knowing that I¡¯m about to go through hell once more as I disconnect my body from all that¡¯s


    inside. I do what I used to. I close my eyes and hum that song in my head that takes me away from


    here, limp and epting that I¡¯m going to live through it like I always do. If I can just shut it all out until


    he¡¯s done. I wait, and I wait, ready to feel the first strokes of ash or any form of touch, silencing my


    manic singsong from under my breath when nothing happens.


    Flickering my eyes open warily and staring at the floor where I can still see his feet. He hasn¡¯t moved,


    and I don¡¯t look up, not sure if this is part of the game. Nothing but silence and stillness surrounds me,


    and theck of movement makes the lights shut off spookily. I jump and reignite the dim glow with my


    own sharp reaction which coaxes me to look up and blink my eyes through blurred and pouring


    makeup to see he¡¯s just standing looking at me. A strange expression on his face and a furrowed brow


    as though he isn¡¯t sure what to do now.Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    Alexi looks like he has lost all traces of the anger and sadistic urge to torture me. He just looks normal


    and eerily still. My nose is running, and I swallow hard as tears continue to pour silently down my face,


    my heart breaking in two. I can see the hesitation in his stance, if not his face and for a moment there¡¯s


    hope that maybe he won¡¯t do more. Courageing back to me.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll stop fighting you. Please don¡¯t hurt me.¡¯¡¯ I beg him, I plead, my ent slipping so my more


    common dialect slurs through almost inaudibly. The hints of my trashy start to life in Hackney. I can


    barely get the words out, they¡¯re stuck in my throat, so breathless and fear fuelled. I know I am a mere


    shadow of the woman he¡¯s used to seeing in this state, and all my defences have shattered beyond


    recognition. He broke me so effortlessly, after all the years that I endured so much more, and he does it


    without even trying¡ªtwice now, and I know when I am defeated.


    This is my idea of the worst kind of hell. Humiliated and raw, open for him to see how vulnerable I can


    be. The depths of fear and trauma I feel right now are ripping me inside out and I¡¯m just stiff and


    poised, afraid of what I¡¯m about to endure. If it was any other man, then I don¡¯t think I would have fallen


    apart this way. It¡¯s him and the knowledge that nothing I do will sway him from punishing me in heinous


    ways is a powerful weapon against me. Yet he still just stands looking at me silently, until something in


    him makes him snap out of it, it¡¯s like he was in a weird trance. He looks away from me to the wall on


    his left and swallows hard. Like he¡¯s suddenly doubting whether he should or shouldn¡¯t and I see


    hesitation all over again.


    In the great man ofpleteposure and cruelty¡ªhe flounders. He drops his gaze to the floor and


    walks towards me; my body trying to recoil as I inhale sharply and start to panic, tugging on my


    restraints to get away from him, my breath bing raspy and on the verge of an all-out ckout.


    I maybe imagined it, and this is what he was waiting for. Me to look, to see what he¡¯s going to do. He¡¯s


    sadistic enough to wait for that, to lull me into a false sense of hope first.


    I don¡¯t want him to touch me, I can¡¯t take him hurting me this way and I won¡¯t survive. It somehow


    seems so much worse that it¡¯s him that is about to inflict this cruelty on me, and it¡¯s unbearable.


    He reaches up and unclips my wrist with a tug that renders me instantly mute with the shock. My arm


    falls down in front of me with the sudden weight of it, his eyes on task and avoiding mine as they focus


    fully on his face through a sodden mess. I pull my hand against my chest and grip the neckline of my


    dress, afraid to believe he is letting me loose in case this is a ploy to mess with my head some more


    and just watch and wait with bated breath.

 Chapter 33

    Chapter 33


    Untrusting and poised to use my free hand against him if it¡¯s a gamey. I have known so many forms


    of mental torture and this could be one of them. ¡®¡¯Consider this a warning.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t sound as self-


    assured as he normally does and he can¡¯t look me in the eye either. Avoiding my face altogether, even


    when he gets close enough to unbuckle my waist from therge belt around it. I don¡¯t know what the


    hell is going on, but I hold my breath in the hope that he¡¯s changed his mind and he¡¯s letting me go.


    Afraid to take this at face value and keep holding still, willing for my heart to stop pounding through my


    chest.


    Alexi starts setting my ankles free before my other wrist and frees me faster than he strung me up.


    There¡¯s nothing in his manner that suggests anything amiss, but I can feel it all around him. The weird


    vibe and thepleteck of hostility as though it¡¯s evaporated.


    I slump down when I am finally free and end up in a heap on the floor, my body unable to hold my


    weight with the way I¡¯vepletely lost the use of my limbs and turned into a shaking mess. Alexi


    doesn¡¯t attempt to catch me either, not that I expected he would. Letting out a sob as I curl up into a


    defensive childish ball and turn my eyes to the ground inplete humility. Ashamed of myself and my


    lack of strength when faced with a simple punishment that other women would take in their stride.


    I¡¯m pathetic and fragile when ites to this one thing and once again I showed him how effective it is.


    His feet turn at my eye level, and he starts to walk away after a moment, much to my relief. He leaves


    me here crying and shaking, unable to get up but it¡¯s what I would rather have than be back on that


    cross.


    He gets a few steps and then stops. My heart stops too. I stop crying and hold still, afraid he maybe


    hasn¡¯t finished with me yet, and recoil against the wooden stand when he walks back towards me,


    cowering under the shadow he casts and lift my hand defensively to my face. A pose of old, a pose of


    my childhood, no matter how hard you try to kill instinctual reactions, they stay with you for a lifetime


    ande out to just humiliate you further. I¡¯m shielding myself for an inevitable beating, against all


    sense telling me that Alexi doesn¡¯t hit women.


    Alexi leans down and scoops me up, shocking me, and yet I can¡¯t physically react to him doing it. I just


    go limp and numb, trying to keep my body curled up tight as he bounces me up into his arms for a


    more secure hold, cradling me against him. I don¡¯t know what to think and am too scared to try. He


    could just be moving me somewhere else to start again. I close up tight, and refuse to look up at him,


    keeping my chin tucked against my chest.


    He carries me across the room to the door. I don¡¯t trust his intentions at all and I won¡¯t let my guard


    down, even if this seems like he¡¯s found an ounce of decency. He says nothing, doesn¡¯t look at me, just


    walks us out of the room and into the bar which is still deste and then heads to the hall and the lift


    with me. I stay stiff, finding enough courage to lift my head and fix my eyes on his profile, in case it


    gives a hint of my fate toe, coiled like a snake waiting to strike. Except I am just waiting for an


    opening to jump down and run.


    I lift my arm to dry my face, but the tears are still falling, and when he puts me on my feet outside the lift


    door he lets me go, holding my arm for a moment until he sees I¡¯m stable enough to stand and steps


    away as though sensing I need space and him not to touch me anymore. It¡¯s the weirdest scenario


    ever, considering he¡¯s the one who just traumatised me this way.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s not your first time being shackled is it?¡¯¡¯ He asks me as the doors slide open and I can see my


    safety retreat in sight as long as he stays out here. I turn slightly to look at him and see something


    completely new which knocks me off a little. Alexi looks pensive and thoughtful, yet there¡¯s a look in his


    eye I cannot ce at all.


    I should tell him to go fuck himself, but the fear is inside of me that he will turn and drag my arse


    straight back to that room if I deny him anything he wants right now. I hesitate, swallowing hard and


    shake my head at him, trying hard topose myself while shaking like a leaf in a dazed state of


    surreal.


    I feel like I¡¯m in a dream and emotionally exhausted. ¡®¡®No,¡¯¡¯ I admit emptily. I¡¯m shell-shocked and


    metaphorically naked right now. I have no energy to lie when it¡¯s obvious to him that my fear was not


    for the unknown. I¡¯m giving him more ammunition, but I am beyond caring. I feel stripped and broken


    and just need the solitude of my room. If obediently answering him means he lets me go, then it¡¯s what


    I will do to get away from him.


    ¡®¡¯It wasn¡¯t consensual was it, or enjoyable?¡¯¡¯ Darkness falls over his face and I shake my head, seeing a


    brimming and brewing storm moving into the pale colour and darkening them too. I don¡¯t know why that


    makes him mad, seeing as he had no intention of what he just did being fun or enjoyable. It was a


    punishment and non-consensual, but somehow, he always disregards his actions when he makes


    statements like this. One rule for him and one rule for the rest of mankind. He really does have a


    superiorityplex.


    ¡®¡¯What were you?¡¯¡¯ He asks such a simple question, yet the answer isplex. Alexi has had hints that


    I was a damaged girl but I have nevere out and told him about my life before America. All he


    knows is I was a girl who got creative in making money and sold other girls for sex, but I have never


    told him I was sold a million times before that. He doesn¡¯t know about the before in great detail only


    hints of the truth. I am no fool and I assume he knows I have been a hooker at some point. I mean I did


    for a while even when I got here and needed to keep feeding myself.


    ¡®¡®A sad story of a girl who ran away for a better life.¡¯¡¯ I move into the lift and put distance between us,


    praying he stays out there and lets me find solitude alone upstairs. I don¡¯t trust this ¡®¡®nicey, nicey¡¯¡¯ act


    and I¡¯m waiting on him to snap and revert right back into cruel. I feel ravaged and emotional and I know


    that breaking down in front of him again just killed all my self-respect in one fell swoop. I feel deste.


    ¡®¡®And then you fell into myp.¡¯¡¯ He says sardonically as another sob escapes me, despite myself. Who


    knew those seven little honest words would be the start of a whole new kind of emotional pain?


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    ¡®¡®Water finds its own level. I should ept my fate. You can¡¯t rise above your station, no matter how


    hard you try, what ent you give yourself or how expensive your clothes may be.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s the most self-


    depreciating thing that hase out of my mouth in a long time, but he¡¯s ruined my mental state and I


    can¡¯t see beyond the misery right now. I started life as a worthlessmon shell being used by men,


    for men, and that¡¯s exactly where I am now. I never climbed out of my dark hole; I just found myself


    much more dangerous captors.


    Alexi drops his chin and stares at the floor for a long moment, his hand still on the button holding the


    doors and I hold my breath, willing him to let it and me go. I need space to be alone, and I am so afraid


    of what he¡¯s still capable of doing to me when I have no way of defending myself anymore.


    I¡¯m a trembling shell of weakness and barely keeping myself up on my shoes. My whole life has been


    unravelling since the day I met him and I would be better off more than a hundred miles away from him.


    Finally, he brings his eyes back up to mine and looks at me without a word, that normalck of


    expression, although something hinting in the depths of those empty eyes. He says nothing more, just


    let¡¯s go of the button. Letting the doors close slowly between us as it blocks him out of my sight and


    presence and releases me from his painful hold. Watching him as he disappears behind my own


    reflection in the chrome surface and I sag back to burst into a fresh wave of tears when I realise, I¡¯m


    finally safe.

 Chapter 34

    Chapter 34


    I do my duty silently and give Alexi a wide berth all night. The club is bustling, but I feelpletely


    empty inside as I y the role of smiling hostess. He¡¯s left me be, said nothing when I appeared at


    seven when the doors opened, after hours ofposing myself upstairs.


    I have been trying to put back on that face of control. He is doing what he does best it seems, acting


    like nothing is amiss and nothing prior happened to cause any awkwardness. I wouldn¡¯t expect


    anything less from him to be honest.


    I caught the staff whispering and throwing nces my way and I wonder if they are looking for my


    bruises from what they think must have been an inevitable beating. I mean I did piss off our lord and


    master and defied him so ruthlessly. What they don¡¯t know is that it was so much worse than that. He


    has the mental edge over me, knows how to break me, and uses that to control me much more


    effectively than violence. I gave him something he can use next time I step out of line, and he knows it.


    Alexi is king of the upper hand and I stupidly keep giving him all my ying cards. I¡¯m even more afraid


    of him than I was before, if it¡¯s even possible, and I am starting to think the only way out of this is to find


    my running shoes once more and use them. I can¡¯t see this ever ending, even if I do pay off my debt to


    Carrero; he doesn¡¯t seem like a guy who just lets you walk out the door when your deales to an


    end, and a year from now he may have enough leverage and emotional tools to have sent me to the


    loony bin.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    ¡®¡®Hello Red ¡­.¡¯¡¯ I jump when Gino¡¯s smooth tonees at me from behind and throw a wary nce to


    where Alexi is sitting with a group of men in the lounge area. Girls moving in to drape all over them like


    cheap whores and I turn away quickly when I see one of them sliding onto Alexi¡¯sp¡ªit hits me with a


    cruel twist in my stomach unexpectedly.


    I take a long slow inhale, both to shove it down and stop caring what he does, and to appear


    completely unfazed to everyone around me. It¡¯s like an impulsive reaction every time a malees


    near me, to guiltily check if he is watching me, and I am more than aware he has me double checking


    and watching every move I make tonight.


    What has he done to you?


    ¡®¡¯Gino.¡¯¡¯ I step back when he leans into me, making a very visual space between us, with Alexi¡¯s


    warning swirling in my mind, and he smiles almost knowingly. Looking too Alexi like in a pair of smart


    trousers and a shirt tonight, the dimness of the room making his eyes look grey and it¡¯s almost creepy


    in a way. How alike, yetpletely different they are.


    ¡®¡®Still mad huh ¡­? Look ¡­ I¡¯m sorry okay, it wasn¡¯t about you, but about me being a dick when I do


    drugs and getting at my brother. I¡¯m not normally that guy and I love my girlfriend. I¡¯m marrying her, and


    I don¡¯t fuck around on her.¡¯¡¯ He extends a hand to me and even though I know it¡¯spletely harmless,


    I can¡¯t get Alexi¡¯s voice out of my head to stay away from his brother. I cross my arms over my bust and


    throw him a tight smile with a raised chin, and just lower my brows seriously. Praying he takes the hint


    that I am not a touchy-feely person when ites to any male on the, while my captor is fifteen


    feet away.


    ¡®¡®Apology epted, can I get you a drink and alert your brother to your arrival?¡¯¡¯ My all business tone


    and no-nonsense stance. I just want him to step off before Alexi realises he¡¯s here, but he grins at me


    with a cheeky all-knowing look.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯ve been scalded huh? Yeah, you¡¯ve got to learn to stand up to him Red, or he will grind you to


    dust otherwise. Alexi is a hard arse but there¡¯s more to him if you look deeper, and don¡¯t let him get


    away with his bullshit.¡¯¡¯ He moves back, thankfully, and throws a look towards the party I guess he is


    attending.


    ¡®¡¯Well thanks for the tip, but it happens to be the worst advice ever. Alexi grinds anyone who stands up


    to him to dust and I just need to learn to keep my head down and stop looking for anything beyond my


    job.¡¯¡¯ I sigh and use the toe of my patent heels to kick out a fluff ball in the carpet in distraction. I¡¯m still


    pensive and sulking I guess, still feeling emotionally bruised and fragile, and could have done with


    staying upstairs tonight to get over myself. I¡¯m just not in the hostess mood. He¡¯s bruised my


    confidence. ¡®¡®You have no idea missy. How many women can you count on one hand that has a


    permanent appearance in his empire? Family not included.¡¯¡¯ Mr smug is smiling at me like a Cheshire


    cat who got all the cream and I just shrug him off with zero interest. I don¡¯t want to have a cosy little


    chat with him, I want to be left alone and mild irritation is brimming up inside.


    ¡®¡®I have nothing to do with his empire outside of this club, I have no clue.¡¯¡¯ I know it exists, he spends


    most of his time anywhere but here, but he¡¯s not a sharer of information and I have no desire to know


    the ins and outs of what he does or where.


    ¡®¡®Two ¡­ The other is his secretary at his main office, and she¡¯s known him since he was born. She was


    our father¡¯s assistant, this business is very traditional. Women have no ce in power and Alexi is very


    traditional about some aspects¡ªlike a woman¡¯s ce. Takes after my father and his generation; you¡¯re


    different Red, whether you think it or not. Alexi gave you responsibility and position in his club, you


    stand out to him as someone capable and worth more.¡¯¡¯


    I nce toward Alexi in two minds as to what Gino is saying and shake my head as I watch that


    handsome profile schmoozing with his clients in such a rxed manner. I know it¡¯s not clear-cut, and


    he had to do something with me to make back the money he paid out for my life. I¡¯m just a tool, and


    there¡¯s no real power in being a hostess of a sex club. Luciano was failing so I was the obvious choice.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m just a possession to him.¡¯¡¯ I lift my chin and try to exude my normal confidence even if the words


    bite me strangely. I hate that I feel so bereft after the encounter with the cross earlier, even though, in


    hindsight, he didn¡¯t actually do anything to me that was overly cruel or abusive. What he did was y


    on something he knew would make me freak out and get at me emotionally.


    I need to learn to mask those things better, so he doesn¡¯t see a worth in using them. I need to learn to


    be stronger when ites to standing up to him. ¡®¡¯If you hadn¡¯t noticed ¡­ he¡¯s not that possessive with


    his many women. He picks them up and discards them without feeling. He¡¯s crazy protective of you


    though, bringing out the jealous psycho in him ¡­ like right now.¡¯¡¯ He nods out towards his left and I


    nce up, finding Alexi¡¯s eyes are trained on us from his sitting position, and he doesn¡¯t look pleased


    at all. He pushes hisp kitten off abruptly, shoves her aside rudely and downs his drink while stillser


    locked on the object of his prating stare¡ªme.


    It¡¯s not an overly angry look, but I can see that he is far from happy. My blood runs cold and I move


    further away from Gino to make it very clear that it¡¯s innocent.


    ¡®¡¯He doesn¡¯t trust you, does he?¡¯¡¯ I try to get out of the firing line, but his eyes bore into me terrifyingly


    so.


    ¡®¡®My brother trusts me just fine when it counts, we have aplex rtionship; it¡¯s you he doesn¡¯t trust,


    Red.¡¯¡¯ He leans in and kisses me on the cheek before swanning towards his brother, taking me by


    surprise, and I flinch in dyed shock and half push him away. I can almost feel Alexi¡¯s re burning


    into me, and cannot look his way as heat envelops my face. That kiss probably just earned me another


    notch in his punishment book. He¡¯s breaking me down, bringing me to heel, and taking away all my


    fight while his brother Gino is a prick. Someone who likes to get a reaction from his twin, and he


    probably just made my night a living hell with that little manoeuvre. Slowly, ruthlessly I am being ground


    down into just another submissive little fuck buddy like all the rest, and I swore I would never allow


    myself to be that to another man.


    He¡¯s right, I¡¯m a challenge, and he won¡¯t rest until he moulds me into another ¡®¡®yes sir¡¯¡¯ and then he will


    discard me like he does all his ythings. I put my head down, ignoring him, avoiding eye contact and


    walk towards the corridor of boudoirs instead. Blocking him out with his overly dramatic death stare. I


    bury my mind in checking with security that everything is calm tonight as I can hear muffled moans and


    groansing from the rooms.


    I hesitate when I get outside the door from earlier and shudder with a little unbridled fear before


    stepping away to shake myself free of the memory and feelings it stirs up deep down inside. I have no


    desire to ever venture back in there.


    ¡®¡¯Are you interested in going in?¡¯¡¯ A voice startles me, and I turn to see an older man looking me over


    with a lot of interest; possiblyte fifties, tall and broad with salt and pepper hair and a slight Italian look


    about him, but I don¡¯t think he¡¯s a Carrero as he is missing that great bone structure they all seem to


    have. He exudes power though and I wonder if this is the famous Santagato who has a card to this


    room.


    Another dangerous and well-known gangster who rubs shoulders with Alexi daily; rumour has it they


    are friends and the families are joined by marriage somewhere down the line.


    ¡®¡®No. I don¡¯t join in, I just oversee and make sure all patrons are satisfied while being here.¡¯¡¯ I smile


    charmingly and feel immediately hemmed in when he gets a little closer. My normal sultry confidence is


    trying to resurface tonight, but she¡¯s just not with me and I curse myself foring down here at all. It


    seems I¡®m just going through the motions with no real conviction; I¡¯m a liability like this and I should


    know better. You should never walk into the lion¡¯s den without your battle armour and it''s exactly what I


    have done.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m sure Alexi wouldn¡¯t say no to me having a little fun with something as elegant as you.¡¯¡¯ He runs a


    finger down my cheek and I back up against the wall, recoiling as my insides churn from the unwanted


    touch, banging my arse subtly as I try to get a handle on the situation, nerves peeking. Normally I


    would rebuff and remove myself effortlessly, but this is not my night, and my sexy vixen mask is lying


    on the floor upstairs where Alexi stripped me of it.


    ¡®¡®I belong to Alexi. I don¡¯t y with anyone else.¡¯¡¯ I repeat robotically and pray that¡¯s enough of a


    deterrent, but my voicecks confidence, and he can see the fear all over me like a second skin. I am


    probably sweating terror and I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s him or the thought of Alexi catching another man¡¯s


    hands on me. Santagato seems to like what he sees, fear giving him a hard-on. I need to get a grip


    over this shit.


    ¡®¡¯That¡¯s right ¡­ She never ys with anyone else.¡¯¡® Alexi¡¯s voice cuts through between us and I swear,


    despite everything he¡¯s done, I feel a sigh of relief that he¡¯s intervening as he slowly walks into the fold.


    He leans against the door beside me, shoulder to the frame, so he¡¯s almost sheltering me, and it cloaks


    me with that insane sense of security once more.

 Chapter 35

    Chapter 35


    If I thought feeling safe that night at the opera was weird, then right now, after everything today, it¡¯s


    even weirder that I feel it when he¡¯s standing beside me protectively. One thing I can never doubt him


    for¡ªhe will never let anyone else fuck with me the way he does.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re no fun Lex! Getting me all hot and bothered over a new little morsel of delicious, the hair really


    does it for me.¡¯¡¯ Santagato picks up a strand of my hair and twirls it around his finger, tugging it from my


    scalp and pulling my face towards him slightly. I try to stand my ground, but I have no strength in me


    tonight, and I know better than to be obviouslybative with this type of man.


    Still leaning in close, Alexi yanks it free in a smooth abrupt motion that brings a halt to yfulness.


    ¡®¡¯Not a hair on her head, I don¡¯t share.¡¯¡¯ His voice has an edge, he sounds huskier than normal, and my


    heart rate ups a gear as I see a simr darkness move into the new man¡¯s eyes. He has that same


    dangerous air about him, exuding sinister control and physically the two of them are matched. I don¡¯t


    think I know which one would be victorious if this came to blows, and my heart ends up in my mouth at


    the thought of Alexi getting physical and possibly hurt.


    Alexi stands up straighter and moves in front of me slightly, smoothly with a charming smile, yet my


    mind hits a chaos of confusion as I panic on his behalf and have to still the desire to grab onto him.


    ¡®¡®She¡¯s not into your kind of games, Sid. She¡¯s more my style, and I can get you a redhead if that¡¯s what


    you have a longing for, just not this one.¡¯¡¯ I slide away from behind him and try to edge out, but Alexi


    catches me by the dress and stops me from going anywhere else. It¡¯s subtle and concealed by his


    body but I don¡¯t move, pausing and knowing I should do as I am told for whatever reason he thinks I


    shouldn¡¯t leave. I stay right behind him and just look down at the grip he has on the hem of my dress,


    trying to concentrate on those strong hands and zone out the possible drama that seems set to erupt


    around me while my body hits another wave of internal freakout.


    ¡®¡®You know I¡¯m a bit of a spoiled asshole and when I see something I want ¡­ Nothing else really gives


    me the same buzz. I have my eye on this one and ONLY this one, what¡¯s a little sharing between


    friends?¡¯¡¯ Santagato gets right in Alexi¡¯s face and I swear sparks fly. The air around me instantly sizzles


    with it, and I am struggling to breathe normally and hold myposure. I cower behind Alexi, cing a


    hand on his lower back as I shelter against him and hide myself fully from the terrifying other man,


    heart in my mouth.


    Oh shit!


    Alexi just stands his ground, but I can tell by his posture there¡¯s a subtle change in him. He¡¯s no longer


    in charm mode but poised and stiff like he¡¯s ready for something more physical and I begin to feel


    ustrophobic behind him, stuck by the wall. I just want to get out of this corner. I¡¯m scared, hating that


    I am the centre of what¡¯s happening, and he is all that stands in front of me if this goes badly.


    I note security moving closer without drawing attention and Alexi¡¯s shadow, Mico, appears right behind


    Santagato with a look on his face that says he will kill for his master.


    Mico is a Carrero; another huge muscr Italian with good DNA and faulty brain wiring that makes him


    a psycho. He¡¯s usually with Alexi wherever he goes and I feel a hint of relief that he¡¯s swooping in to do


    his job and nk his boss to exert force if need be. Gino appears behind Alexi, to my left, like a creepy


    double take and leans in behind him against the wall in the pose his brother just vacated with a smirk


    stered on his face. Seemingly hustling to get in on the fight in an oddly happy way and I second


    guess his brain wiring too.


    He just looks smug in a deranged way as a little army of Carrero men encircle their guest intimidatingly.


    I can see other men in the room turning and heading this way¡ªall on Alexi¡¯s pay packet and loyalty


    and realise he has himself a hell of a lot of backup in his own domain. Santagato has no chance when


    faced with the sea of Carrero men who pull together should you threaten one of their own. It doesn¡¯t


    ¡®¡¯She¡¯s not an option. I told you I¡¯ll find you an alternative.¡¯¡¯ Alexi grits his teeth and that tone is the


    danger rm that I swear makes me feel faint every time I hear it¡ªit never gets old. Swathed in


    friendliness but I would recognise it anywhere. If you ever wanted to know how Satan himself sounded,


    then it would be that tone right there that he adopts right before someone flicks his kill switch. It has the


    power to put the fear of God in any man.


    I guess Santagato feels the vibes too, and the impending crowd of ck suits moving in intimidatingly,


    so he breaks into a smile and pats Alexi on the shoulder in a macho yet wary way.


    Eyes shing with veiled rage, yet he¡¯sying down his sword and raising a white g. He¡¯s in Carrero


    domain and it¡¯s not a ce you want to pick a fight when you¡¯re alone and unarmed. That stubborn set


    of his jaw rxes, and he leans back slightly in a less dominating stance, while still trying to pull off


    confident.


    ¡®¡®Let¡¯s not make a bit of skirt be a factor in amunication breakdown, there¡¯s plenty of whores


    in here to satisfy my needs. Fancy a few in my room tonight and maybe vary the styles.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s receding


    with a smile but his face says everything; that anger is still there and Alexi is not rxing either. I can


    almost feel ripples of high octane hostilitying off him in waves, it¡¯s a little suffocating.


    ¡®¡®Sure, pick a few and it shall be arranged. I have more on standby if we don¡¯t have what you like.¡¯¡¯


    Alexi steps back, but there is still a tiny subtle edge to his tone. When Santagato moves away he lets


    go of my dress and nces back at me, his eyes skimming my face, and he drops his chin and tone for


    my ears only, brushing his mouth almost against my ear.


    ¡®¡®Go to my office, now.¡¯¡¯ He breathes it at me and I swiftly remove myself from the room and head


    straight for the lift, my heart in my throat, head swirling with dizziness and running like my arse is on


    fire.


    * * *


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t trust that bastard!¡¯¡¯ Alexi makes me jump when hees walking into the room, and I almost


    fall off the desk where I have been perched while waiting. I had been sitting picking my nails, lost in


    thought when he appeared and I jump to my feet as he closes the door.


    Lucie has stopped bothering to show up half the time so mostly we are alone on this floor nowadays


    and it¡¯s creepily quiet up here with all the new soundproofing downstairs. It feels like we are locked in


    solitude, a million miles away from the club.


    ¡®¡¯What do you think he will do?¡¯¡¯ I ask impulsively, knowing he means Santagato, standing beside the


    desk as I am too antsy to sit back down and my eyes are glued to him stalking around. He¡¯s dressed


    formally tonight and just looks painfully groomed and sleek in all ck despite his agitated manner.


    ¡®¡®I insulted him by saying no to his demands, he¡¯s not the type to just bypass something he wants. Stay


    up here for the rest of the night and keep out of his way, let him leave and simmer. If you reappear he


    will just try and goad me into another war over you.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯If it¡¯s that bad ¡­ why didn¡¯t you just let him have me?¡¯¡¯ I bite out bitterly, hating that in this world


    women equal objects and it¡¯s never going to change anytime soon. This is the reality of these men and


    their archaic system and is one of the reasons why I can never get free or ahead in this man¡¯s fucking


    world.


    Alexi throws me a dark look and I just shut my mouth, knowing I should still be wary of poking at him


    when he¡¯s brewing in a mood that isn¡¯t one you want to escte. ¡®¡¯That¡¯s not how it works. He wants


    what¡¯s mine and I refused, it¡¯s not about you, it¡¯s about boundaries and power bnce. The


    Santagato¡¯s and the Carrero¡¯s have equal footing, so he and I are on the same level in the hierarchy. It


    wasn¡¯t about a woman; it¡¯s about pushing dominance and standing. Why do you think he evenes


    here, when he owns a million clubs just like this?¡¯¡¯ Alexi seems more agitated at myment and


    yanks off his tie and jacket and throws them on the desk carelessly, loosening his cor as he stalks to


    the bar to pour a drink.


    He drinks too much, every time I see him he¡¯s pouring himself booze, and he needs to cut that shit


    down before he puts himself in an early grave. If he drinks as much as he does here when he¡¯s


    elsewhere, then maybe I should worry he has a problem, not that he often gets drunk at all. Apart from


    that night with Gino, Alexi never seems anything but sober. I just hate seeing him chucking it back


    anytime he is here, and he drinks more than I do.


    ¡®¡®Men areplete twats. I will never understand any of you. All this dominance bullshit just makes


    everything insane and dumbs you all down.¡¯¡¯ I blurt out in frustration and Alexi turns and smiles at me.


    It¡¯s a weird reaction but he props his arse on the edge of the bar and just looks at me for a long


    moment. His face softening from that cier frown to a softer, more rxed look.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sorry.¡¯¡¯ He says it so matter of fact and emotionless that I just nch at him.


    ¡®¡®For what? Santagato?¡¯¡¯ The great Carrero saying sorry! I should video this for the history books, and


    yet I actually have no clue why he is apologising for something that is out of his control. He was the one


    who stepped in to rescue me, once again. Seems to be bing a habit with him.


    ¡®¡¯This morning.¡¯¡¯ He looks sombre when he says it and I instantly pause and just nce at him in


    surprise, not sure how to react to that. I wasn¡¯t expecting this.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not a guy who says it very often but ¡­ I am sorry, I overreacted.¡¯¡¯ I just regard him and don¡¯t know


    what to say or feel.? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.

 Chapter 36

    Chapter 36


    I am rather taken aback that he feels like he owes me an apology when he really does seem like a guy


    who never would. I misbehaved and he punished me. It¡¯s not often men like that ever think they did


    something wrong, even if I think he did.


    Although his little surprising statement makes me feel remorse about this morning too, the way I acted


    and you know? Throwing grilled cheese. I bite on my lip and sigh at him. I guess the sex chat is


    obsolete and doesn¡¯t seem to be included in his apology, even though it¡¯s what started my little tantrum,


    and I should just be the adult I pretended to best night and forget we even had sex at all.


    ¡®¡®I shouldn¡¯t have thrown your food at you, and I apologise for ruining your clothes.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s genuine


    anyway, even if I sound stilted and sarcastic when I say it. Those were nice trousers and I doubt


    cheese greasees out of expensive fabrics without a lot of effort. He¡¯s ying nice, whether it¡¯s a


    ploy or a game I just don¡¯t know anymore. I have given up trying to understand or read him or evaluate


    his motives anymore, it all just makes me so goddamn tired.


    ¡®¡¯You need to stop pushing my buttons, stop making me crazy ¡­ I lose focus and shit like this


    happens.¡¯¡¯ He nods towards the door and I frown. Exhausted by the man and I just can¡¯t function


    anymore.


    His world, his rules, his overbearing presence when he¡¯s here, I never knew that walking into Carrero¡¯s


    kingdom would be such a mind destroyer of epic proportions. I used to be in control of every aspect of


    my life and no one got close or got to me. Everything, up until Tyler, was manoeuvred to be on my


    terms, but Alexi just strips you naked, twists you up and then spits you out. Since I met him I feel like all


    I do is over feel everything and make dumb choices.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t understand ¡­ How does you and me being at war make tonight happen?¡¯¡¯ Alexiughs


    disbelievingly and shakes his head at me like I¡¯mpletely na?ve sometimes, and it just infuriates me.


    He sometimes still treats me like a brainless bimbo with no concept of how things work.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re clueless, London, let me school you on the goings on in that room tonight.¡¯¡¯ He pushes off the


    bar and walks around the desk to sit against the edge in front of me so he¡¯s a lot closer and getsfy.


    Watching me like a hawk and devouring me with his eyes. I¡¯m way too tired to deal with all the shitty


    feelings coursing through me and stare at the clock on his desk instead. Intimidated by his presence,


    still stinging from being humiliated earlier, and I cannot believe it¡¯s still the same day. It feels like weeks


    ago now.


    ¡®¡®I got sloppy, I was watching you¡ªpreupied ¡­ thinking about this morning, pissed at Gino; being a


    little too interested in both of you and Santagato saw it. He was testing the waters, honing in on what


    he considers was a glimpse of a weakness. I fucked up and let him see that I give a shit, that¡¯s why he


    made a y.¡¯¡¯


    That¡¯s a revtion and I mp my mouth shut when words attempt to spill out, my brain going into


    overdrive.


    ¡®¡®I just gave him a weapon, he has an angle, something he thinks he can use against me if he needs


    to.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sighs. I am so tired of games and all this underhanded, backhanded maniption of this


    world. Alexi the mastermind and all theplication thates with it.


    I wonder what normal men and women do with their time if it¡¯s not steeped in devious ns and upper


    hands.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t understand ¡­ why didn¡¯t you just let him have me? Save yourself all of this, if it¡¯s that


    important, just let him do me and be done.¡¯¡¯ I get up and go to move away from his stifling presence,


    but he catches my wrist and pulls me back, cupping my face with his hand, and guides me close. I


    catch my breath, surprised with the gentle manoeuvre, and literally fall still, lungs ceasing to move with


    the unexpectedness of this.


    ¡®¡¯He would have taken you back in that room and not stopped from where I left off, I couldn¡¯t have stood


    there and let him.¡¯¡¯ He angles his face and for a moment I swear he¡¯s going to kiss me.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    ¡®¡¯I see.¡¯¡¯ It sounds stilted and alien, my body trembling subtly with the intimacy of this pose, and he just


    gazes at me for another long moment, barely moving and infuriatingly unreadable and nk.


    ¡®¡®I take care of my own. You gave me boundaries and it¡¯s my job to make sure they are upheld.¡¯¡¯


    I did? When?


    When I begged him not to hurt me and not do this. Even while he wanted to punish me, he stopped


    because I said no. He stopped because of my reaction to being tied up in that room and let me go


    without taking it further. A hint of something more in that chest than a hollow space where a heart


    should be? Or just another maniption move to get information out of me?


    That¡¯s what I can never tell anymore, like right now. Softness when I think he¡¯s a bastard, and yet he


    has a way of cajoling me and getting what he wants out of me when it appears. I should never trust


    him, as he always has a motive to go with each of his behaviours.


    Alexi is so fuckingplex. A control freak who adheres to boundaries? Even in anger? He makes no


    sense to me.


    ¡®¡®So, what now?¡¯¡¯ I want him to let go of me as he¡¯s making me feel uptight, ustrophobic and


    vulnerable, but at the same time his touch is soothing and familiar, and I don¡¯t want him to let go of me.


    He makes me so indecisive and confused all the time, and it just adds to the head mess he causes me.


    Alexi¡¯s eyes drop to my mouth and again I get the vibe he is contemting kissing me. I don¡¯t know if I


    want him to, but a part of me needs it, for this morning and forst night. It doesn¡¯t even make sense to


    me anymore, but now I have tasted him there¡¯s a craving to do it again. I want him to wipe away how


    he made me feel in that room and go back to the softness of the man who had sex with me on the


    couch instead. My insecure pathetic side craving an affection, so I can forgive how he was to me.


    I need therapy.


    ¡®¡¯I think I should move you elsewhere for a while, away from the club, make it look like you¡¯re gone.


    Discarded, like I lost interest.¡¯¡¯ He goes back to his serious expression and serious tone. The warmth


    dropping from his voice and I literally feel the change in air temperature as it cools instantly. Letting me


    go abruptly and wandering away to perch back against the desk nearer the front.


    ¡®¡®Wait, what?¡¯¡¯ That¡¯s not the answer I expected, and I blink at him. ¡®¡¯This is where I belong! Where I¡¯m


    putting in the hours and the work and paying off my debt to you, where else would I go?¡¯¡¯ I¡¯m panicking,


    unsure how else to take this and my head''s going around in circles. I wanted to be free of him and now


    he¡¯s giving me the option, I don¡¯t. I want to explore more of the hints and glimpses of someone else in


    him.


    I slump down into the desk chair beside me and nk my hands on the arms as though visibly telling


    him I am not going to be removed from this club.


    What the hell is with my brain?


    ¡®¡¯I have other ces, other properties and other businesses. I could use you anywhere I want and let


    this blow over.¡¯¡¯ Alexi has a look of determination on his face. He¡¯s not kidding.


    ¡®¡®Such as where?¡¯¡¯ I sound as desperate as I feel, and all I can think about is will I still see him the way I


    do now? Once or twice a week and most weekends. If he sends me elsewhere will he even care to


    come and see me anymore, or will I disappear into the depths of his empire? It¡¯s stupid and dumb to


    even contemte, considering I hate him with a passion, but I don¡¯t want to not see him. It knocks me


    for six because I have NEVER wanted any sort of connection to another human in my life. I abhor


    people and keep everyone at arm¡¯s length, and up until twenty minutes ago I fucking hated him too! I


    am so fucked up.


    ¡®¡¯The Hamptons for a while, I have a house there, you can lie low while I figure something else out. He


    would never think of looking for you there.¡¯¡¯ ¡®¡¯Wait, lie low? I thought you wanted to just put me out of


    temptations way?¡¯¡¯ My voice is an octave higher, making my panic obvious, but he doesn¡¯t seem to


    care. Alexi turns to lock eyes on me in apletely serious expression as though I do not really


    understand this situation at all. ¡®¡¯What do you think Santagato will do with something he knows is a


    possible weakness to me? I¡¯m not talking about groping you in the club, Cami; I¡¯m talking about


    taking you from the street and brutalising you to within an inch of your life to get a rise out of me first


    chance he gets. Our families may be amicable but domination in this business is everything. We have a


    turf war and any break in my strength is a plus for him. Distract me and I lose my edge ¡­ he knows


    this.¡¯¡¯


    My blood runs cold as it hits home exactly what being connected to someone like Alexi really means.


    I¡¯m a walking target and up until now his disinterest in me was my armour. He showed the wrong


    person that I am under his skin and now I¡¯m a weapon. Whether he cares about me or not, they believe


    he does and that means I can be used. They view me as an Achilles heel even if they are way off the


    mark and I feel sick to my stomach as it hits home just how much danger I am in.

 Chapter 37

    Chapter 37


    He¡¯s right, even I know how this business uses any tiny thing to get the upper hand. It¡¯s all about


    control. Damaging someone¡¯s armour and sliding in below it to use to their full advantage.


    ¡®¡¯You don¡¯t care about me, so this is all so stupid,¡¯¡¯ I say it meekly, meaning every word and knowing it¡¯s


    true as hees around to face me and lean back in his original ce, resting a foot on the chair I am


    sat in and looks down at me.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t trust you, I don¡¯t like you most of the time, but I care, whether I want to or not.¡¯¡¯ He frowns at


    me, no hint of the panic I feel right now in his emotionless face, and he¡¯s infuriatingly cool about this


    whole thing. He gets up and wanders off again, listless or restless where normally he is as still as a


    statue and I wonder if this is how he disys stress. Inability to stay at peace when he is working


    through a dilemma and has to keep walking or moving while his brain ys it out.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    ¡®¡®You have a really funny way of showing it.¡¯¡¯ I snap after him, my insides turning and twisting in terror at


    the thought I might be in real danger, lightheaded, trembling and mmy and again he turns on me


    with agitation.


    ¡®¡®You think you know me? You don¡¯t know anything about me, Cam ¡­ beyond the person you see here


    in this ce. If I didn¡¯t care, if I had zero shits to give about you then I would have handed you over to


    Sid any night of the week.¡¯¡¯ His bark takes me by surprise, sparking my inner flight or fight and I react


    with equal aplomb.


    ¡®¡¯I actually don¡¯t know what stopped you; there¡¯s a huge difference between caring and ownership, I


    don¡¯t think you know the difference and you certainly don¡¯t act like there is one.¡¯¡¯ I point out angrily not


    even sure why my anger is directed at him when it¡¯s Santagato who is fucking up the life I am only just


    warming to. Alexi is an easier target and he¡¯s here. I guess everything in some way coulde down


    to being his fault, and I need to vent and yell at him because my head is about to explode.


    ¡®¡¯In this business ownership is everything, it¡¯s the onlynguage these people understand.¡¯¡¯ The only


    language he understands.


    ¡®¡¯That¡¯s not caring. I don¡¯t think you¡¯re capable of really caring and you just use all of this as an excuse


    for being aplete controlling shithead.¡¯¡¯ Ironic that it¡¯sing from my mouth because I didn¡¯t think I


    was capable either, until Alexi. Whether I want to admit it or not ¡­ the arsehole has made me care


    about him and I hate him for it.


    How the hell can a girl with no ability to feel anything about anyone start to fall for the devil himself? I


    didn¡¯t think I had an ounce of heart left inside of me to even beat anymore, and he has done nothing to


    warrant any feelings for him. Yet Santagato posed a real threat and all I kept thinking was¡ªdon¡¯t hurt


    Alexi.


    ¡®¡¯Either way ¡­ one oue, whether I care about you or just own you, it makes no difference.


    Santagato isn¡¯t going to just back off. If the roles were reversed I would use any obvious weakness to


    get at him and throw him off his game. You pull out one brick and the tower starts toe down, I


    exposed a brick ¡­ He won¡¯t let that go.¡¯¡®


    ¡®¡®This world is the reason you are such a twisted prick. If this is the norm between people who you y


    friends with face to face, and invite to your clubs as acquaintances, I would hate to meet one of your


    enemies.¡¯¡¯ I ampletely deted with all of this.


    ¡®¡¯Baby ¡­ they are all one and the same, that¡¯s why I trust no one except blood. Out here they greet you


    with one hand while putting a gun to your head with the other. This is WHY I am the way I am.¡¯¡¯


    Trusts no one, not even me. I shouldn¡¯t care because I don¡¯t trust him either but I have never given him


    anything to doubt since he walked into my life. I have enough sense to know where the lines lie, he is


    the first person in my life I have never lied to or yed for my own ends. He is the first time in my life I


    have stability, security and protection, and he doesn¡¯t demand me to give over my body to get paid. He


    made me stop running and gave me a taste of feeling safe and cared for, like I finally belong


    somewhere.


    Alexi was the ¡®¡¯someone¡¯¡¯ who first showed me an ounce of worth by taking me under his wing and


    giving me shelter from a cold world in which I was endlessly trying to survive in. It¡¯s no wonder my


    fucked-up brain hastched onto him as someone to feel something for.


    He met my internal longings and sort of delivered them.


    Security, safety and belonging.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re just the same, you said so yourself. Is that what you do? You greet, smile and charm while


    putting a knife to my throat?¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s just confirming every move and step since I met him has probably


    been exactly that, and those soft hints I think I see are nothing more than a clever game n. Alexi is


    as bad as Santagato only more aplished at hiding his evil¡ªhis skills are in the psychology and not


    the physical pain.


    ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t think I don¡¯t see your games and lies, London. You¡¯re no angel, and you are not as honest and


    virtuous as you try to convince me you are. I wouldn¡¯t put it past you to pull the trigger for any one of


    those men if they offered you more than I was. You¡¯re an opportunist; I knew that when my men


    scraped you off the tarmac where Tyler¡¯s left you.¡¯¡¯ He sneers at me and I just shake my head sadly,


    hurt that he really is way off the mark in evaluating me. For a man who is good at reading people, he


    can¡¯t read me.


    ¡®¡®Shows how much you know about me, I know when I have it good, and I am not stupid enough to


    jeopardize that.¡¯¡¯


    Somehow we both end up on our feet pacing one another in a weird circle, me in agitation because I


    cannot contain all this nervous energy, and he¡¯s making me uptight by wandering around ying with


    things on the desk in a manner that doesn¡¯t fit him. He¡¯s like a caged animal or a boxer circling his


    opponent and unusually wired.


    ¡®¡¯You can keep singing the same song, but it doesn¡¯t mean I am going to whistle along.¡¯¡¯ He narrows his


    gaze on me and I just roll my eyes at him, he¡¯s so dense sometimes that it¡¯s hard to believe he can be


    that same ruthless cougar, mentally devouring people in his wake. He doesn¡¯t trust me, believe me or


    have any faith in my loyalty to him. Well he¡¯s a jackass because I am not dumb enough to cross him for


    anything, even if I didn¡¯t have some sort of weird feelings for him. I still value breathing.


    ¡®¡®You believe what you want. You¡¯ll see one day, and I don¡¯t have to prove anything to you.¡¯¡¯ I lift my chin


    defiantly.


    ¡®¡¯No, you don¡¯t, you just need to do as I say, and right now, I want you to go upstairs and pack


    everything that¡¯s yours, tomorrow morning you¡¯re leaving.¡¯¡¯ He shuts me down with a sentence that


    feels like a p in the face and my stomach drops to my toes.


    ¡®¡®What? You can¡¯t be serious. This is where I live, where I work.¡¯¡¯ Icy cold panic grips my throat as I


    realise he does actually mean to send me off. ¡®¡®Not anymore.¡¯¡¯ He stops pacing and justes to rest


    with those empty eyes on mine, no hint of humour. Just the palest grey, rimmed with a ck outer edge


    that never fails to prate my mind. He¡¯s deadly serious.


    Tears bite my eyes despite trying to remainposed and pain lurches through my chest like a heavy


    weight.


    ¡®¡®Where exactly are you going to dump me?¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯I told you. I have a house ¡­ the Hamptons, it¡¯s near family. I¡¯ll take you there and then when things


    settle down we¡¯ll see how thend lies.¡¯¡¯ Deadpan, emotionless and giving no fucks about getting rid of


    me and it wounds to the core. Even after sex, I don¡¯t mean a damn thing to him. ¡®¡¯What am I supposed


    to do in the Hamptons? I lived there before and it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.¡¯¡¯ There¡¯s


    no Alexi in the Hamptons, there¡¯s no club, no life, nothing to look forward to. It¡¯s full of dull rich people


    who take pride in gardening and barbecues and Sunday brunch.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find something enterprising to upy your time. Get packed. My family have a private


    ne, I need to go ask my cousin for a loan of his jet for an early trip.¡¯¡¯ He picks up a steel ball from the


    disy on his desk and tosses it from hand to hand casually, like he just announced something of little


    value.


    ¡®¡¯Just like that?¡¯¡¯ I have to stop myself from sniffing and making my emotion obvious, he would just use


    it against me and I can¡¯t take much more of this. A pawn in the chess board he lords over.


    ¡®¡¯Just like that. Now go do as you¡¯re told before I lose my patience.¡¯¡¯ This time it¡¯s a stern snap. No


    nonsense, don¡¯t fuck with me, Alexi, as he drops the ball with a thud back onto the weird base it sits on


    and I jump at his sudden change. He is lingering between normal and angry, and I am still too fragile to


    deal with tipping the bnce.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re a prick.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s impulsive, a reaction to him making me nervy.


    ¡®¡®So you keep telling me but it doesn¡¯t change anything. I¡¯m sick of having you under my feet, will be


    nice to have my apartment back and let loose again. The Hamptons will be a nice vacation for you, give


    me time to get my focus back.¡¯¡¯ I just blink at him, feeling like he just stabbed me in the chest with his


    damn letter opener. By focus he means women, and even though it shouldn¡¯t bother me it does.


    Like a wounding slice to my insides that hurts and digs at me cruelly. There¡¯s nothing I can do to sway


    his mind; he owns me and therefore he can ship me any damn ce he wants.


    I hate him!


    Sex was a mistake, a massive can of worms I should never have opened. The danger I felt before I


    took that step was all warning, my head telling me that myst defences were waning and I wasn¡¯t


    strong enough to take him on. Sex was thest barrier before my heart took its first beat for more than


    a decade and let me start to fall in love with the one person who will have no qualms about crushing my


    soul.


    I didn¡¯t think I was capable of love, yet fate is punishing me for everything I ever did to those girls; to


    Sophie Huntsberger. This is Karma''s way of paying me back for the life I have led, and I was the one


    who stupidly opened the door. Loving someone like him, it¡¯s like putting a gun to your head and pulling


    the trigger willingly. Except because he is the devil he follows you to hell and keeps tormenting you in


    the afterlife.

 Chapter 38

    Chapter 38


    ¡®¡®Move.¡¯¡¯ Alexi pushes me forward across the parking lot aggressively, still ring at me from the


    argument we had on the jet here, and I am still sulking about being dumped in my idea of Stepford Wife


    hell.


    I haven¡¯t slept, I look like death and my entourage of cases is being packed into the cars parked waiting


    for us by Alexi¡¯s ck suits. ¡®¡¯Stop pushing me, I am walking in four-inch heels and have a maximum


    speed setting.¡¯¡¯ I snap at him as I get another prod in my spine. He¡¯s been an arsey one since we got


    on the ne. Moody for him, not that it¡¯s that tantly obvious as he has one facial setting even on a


    good day, but it¡¯s in all the little tones and tiny facial changes, veiled mannerisms and the colour of his


    eyes that you really see what he¡¯s feeling. You have to look really hard and study his face endlessly,


    otherwise you would miss it at all.


    I realise it must be something I have done over the months, stare at him and watch him, because I can


    tell he¡¯s pissed and in no mood to be nice while looking suave and cool in that Alexi uniform of his. The


    man makes a tailored suit look like everyday wear and when teamed with a ck overcoat, like now, he


    really brings old school mafia back to life.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ll carry you if you keep stalling.¡¯¡¯ He warns through gritted teeth and my frayed nervespletely


    snap with how much of a weighty ck cloud he has been on me for thest twelve hours. I swear he


    has been bearing down on me ruthlessly and didn¡¯t go to bed all fucking night, choosing to wander the


    apartment while making calls, typing loudly on hisptop or annoying the shit out of me anytime he


    heard me make a noise. The downside to co-habitation with Drac, he hears when you are up and


    about and isn¡¯t shy on walking into your bedroom to see why.


    ¡®¡®You know what? ¡­ Just back the fuck off!¡¯¡¯ I snap, my ent slipping tomon Hackney girl and for


    once I don¡¯t give a toss. I turn on him aggressively, dropping the small handheld case I am carrying and


    square up to that mass frame with zero shits anymore. He really has got on myst bloody nerve.


    He just opens his eyes a little in sarcastic interest, amused with my female dramatics.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡®I am not fucking stalling okay! I am tired, emotional, exhausted even. I have been up all night and yet


    you insisted I put on a face and a sexy dress to fly out here and walk in shoes that are hurting my feet,


    on legs that just want to give out. I am done with your overbearing shitty attitude today and I don¡¯t know


    how much more I can take.¡¯¡¯ Ites out in a great Cami mouth vomit of things I should not say out


    loud to him of all people, and I know I have just given him more things to use against me.


    I can feel all the nces from his men silently judging me and probably expect me to get a p for my


    behaviour, yet they all just carry on as Alexi scrutinises me calmly. The storm of those restless hues of


    grey in his eyes; it¡¯s an art form to exude that much anger and hatred while lookingpletely


    unaffected, but I am no longer impressed by it. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he just ended it


    and put me out of my misery when ites to him.


    ¡®¡®How you ever survived on the streets as long as you did is beyond me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s all he says. Like I didn¡¯t


    just epically yell at him in front of his minions and I just blink inplete disbelief.


    ¡®¡®Believe it or not, you are more challenging than living life on the streets ever was¡ªyou make me


    insane.¡¯¡¯ I fight the urge to prod him in the chest and just pick up my bag instead, ring hatefully and


    turn to continue walking at my own speed in my own time, and I jump when Alexi yanks my bag from


    me, relieving me of the weight and nce back warily.


    ¡®¡¯Showing weakness, no matter what it is ¡­ gets you killed or gets the people you care about killed.


    You¡¯re not meant for this world.¡¯¡¯ He says it quietly and it has the same effect as putting water on a


    raging fire, everything inside of me simmers and I just feel weepy once more. It¡¯s the highest form of


    insult he could have given me; he has no clue how manyyers of this world I have managed to


    survive.


    How fucking dare he!


    ¡®¡¯If not this world then where? I don¡¯t belong anywhere.¡¯¡¯ A self-depreciating statement uttered softly


    and sadly that I never meant to say out loud, yet I did. It¡¯s him and how epically out of my own persona


    he makes me. He just turns me inside out and I say dumb shit that should be kept in the deep recesses


    of my soul. Alexi just smirks at me and shakes his head.


    ¡®¡®For a moment I actually believed you, well yed, London. Maybe your acts of vulnerable are far


    more deceiving than I first thought, but you can stop. I¡¯m in no mood for tears and sad faces. They do


    nothing and we¡¯rete, walk faster or I WILL carry you.¡¯¡¯ He warns, all ice and venom and I swear in


    moments like this I do not feel anything for him except a resounding need to stab him in his smug face.


    I wonder if a stiletto would make a good choice of weapon and contemte trying. He really knows


    how to get my blood pumping and insides churning up like a molten pit ofva.


    ¡®¡¯I think I hate you.¡¯¡¯ I bite at him and turn to deliberately walk as slowly as I can.


    ¡®¡¯Mico ¡­ Lift.¡¯¡¯ Alexi orders over my head, and before I get a chance to even figure out what he means,


    I am hauled up by the arm into Mico¡¯s space as he bends and hoists me up over his shoulder in a fluid


    silent movement that has me fighting him with a squeal. Futile endeavour and even I know I should


    give up. Mico seems like he would knock me out in a heartbeat for struggling, and he won¡¯t disobey his


    master for anything.


    Mico is terrifyingly solid and I am now being wench carried by a caveman, I stop struggling and just


    relent. He turns and starts heading at speed to our ride while Alexi walks at the rear and just raises a


    sarcastic smile my way, catching my eye and looking like aplete shit head, gazing at me with


    amusement and obviously patting himself on the back for making me furious.


    The anger inside of me is unparalleled and right now, I honestly would enjoy watching him trip and


    falling t on his face with smashing results. I stick my fingers up at him in the most udylike manner


    and then cross my arms under my bust, levering myself to sort of sit up and nt a look of contentment


    across my face. I make an awesome show of enjoying the ride. Maybe I am happy to be off my legs


    and carried to the car.


    I won¡¯t let him see him how much he gets to me. His thug can jog along and deposit me in the car; my


    feet are d of the respite, and when I get to wherever we are going I am burning all the shoes that


    Carrero makes a point of insisting I wear.


    Not dressing for his club anymore is going to be empowering, I will shred all my formal attire and sexy


    tailoring and make him eat them. I give no actual fucking shits anymore. His forms of punishment are


    getting borderline boring. Carrero must be losing his edge.


    * * *


    ¡®¡®You don¡¯t mingle, you don¡¯t go out if you don¡¯t have to and you don¡¯t have male guests. Same rules


    still apply here as in the city; you belong to me and if you let any man in your bed or between your legs.


    I¡¯ll put a bullet in his skull.¡¯¡¯ I stand admiring my nails acting nonchnt while dickhead gives me his


    demands in his very best soulless demon voice and I sigh, pretending to be interested. There¡¯s only so


    many times you can hear the ownership speech before it starts to get dull. It doesn¡¯t even instill a tiny


    flicker of fear this time, just disdain and impatience for the prick to bugger off and leave me alone.


    ¡®¡¯Yadda yadda. h h ¡­ death, punishment, emotional torture and don¡¯t disobey ¡­ I know the drill,


    Carrero. You can retire your whips and chains I¡¯ll be almost invisible and y nice so I don¡¯t attract


    attention.¡¯¡¯ I eye roll at him and then jump when he grabs me by the arm and yanks me with force into


    his torso so that I¡¯m shaken alert and almost choke on my own saliva with the shock of being grabbed. I


    swear my brain just bounced around my skull.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s not a fucking game, I have enemies everywhere, and they have no qualms about kidnapping


    women. Just ask my mother if you don¡¯t believe me.¡¯¡¯ He growls it at me, temper brimming and it


    completely quiets me, heart pounding through my chest.

 Chapter 39

    Chapter 39


    All the blood drains from my body, so I instantly turn cold and my body erupts in goosebumps. ¡®¡®Your


    mother?¡¯¡¯ I blink at him timidly, reminded that with him I should always have a level of fear and never


    forget my station. I should get it tattooed somewhere obvious as I have this insane ability to forget.


    ¡®¡®Yes, my mother.¡¯¡¯ No boration, just a statement and he closes down, which tells me I am getting no


    more information at all. He lets me go and I automatically rub my upper arm where his cruel grip has


    left the ache of bruising and just watch him as he walks around the lounge like a pacing lion. He seems


    more intent on checking our plush surroundings in good old sunny Rich-Ville than arguing this point


    anymore, and I am too tired for it anyway.


    His house is gorgeous. Huge and yet strangely devoid of anything Alexi. It¡¯s not like his apartment over


    the club that reflects his sinister side and masculinity. This seems showy, family orientated like it was


    professionally designed to be light, airy and homely, and he just doesn¡¯t fit.


    Neither do I, it¡¯s not to my taste and feels a bit like y pretend to be a normal person in this normal


    world of housewives and happy lives. Something I will never be.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m leaving you with security and Mico, I¡¯ll be back in a week or two, and I¡¯ll see where I will put you on


    a more permanent basis. Gino knows you¡¯re here. He will keep an eye, from a distance. Try not to get


    yourself in any trouble and keep your nose clean. This isn¡¯t the city and anything you do here will get


    back to me faster than you can blink. I know about your endeavours here before, and will be mighty


    pissed should you attempt any sort of a repeat. I¡¯ll still pay you and there will be no need to try and earn


    any other way. Oh, and stay well away from my cousin and his girlfriend ¡­ I doubt he has forgotten


    you.¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s going on at me but all I heard was Mico!


    Mico is his shadow and head of his security; he goes everywhere Alexi goes, constantly. He trusts him


    like no other and it¡¯s rare you ever see one without the other. I don¡¯t like the fact he¡¯s leaving him with


    me. Obviously has zero trust that I won¡¯t try and seduce his security or maybe make a run for it, but


    he¡¯s leaving himself open without Mico by his side.


    Who knows what kind of danger that will leave him in? I can almost taste my panic rising inside, and


    just keep gawping at him like he¡¯s out of his mind. Mico doesn¡¯t seem surprised or well, anything really.


    He has that same Carrero deadpan skill of not reacting, and could be Alexi¡¯s brother if you go by looks


    and mannerisms. He has the same tall dark handsome Italian genes and weirdly green eyes, the same


    overall death by re and oozing intimidation.


    I never knew Italians with olive skin could have green eyes but it¡¯s not as pretty or as soulless as the


    pale grey of a wolf. Mico is a typical Hollywood gangster movie henchman in a dark suit and ck


    overcoat. Silent, obedient and all seeing. He doesn¡¯t strike me as dumb either and has that same


    clever sadism about him that Alexi just effortlessly oozes from every pore. Only Mico is not as dominant


    and out there as Mr Mafia Boss is, and tends to be the silent intimidation in the room and only does as


    he is told.


    ¡®¡®Cami?¡¯¡¯ Alexi snaps at me and brings my attention back to him with an edge of anger, and I realise


    it¡¯s probably because I haven¡¯t responded and was ncing at his sidekick in evaluation. Probably


    thinks I am checking him out and wondering what getting him naked would look like, I mean he¡¯s not


    exactly ugly ¡­ but he¡¯s not Alexi.


    ¡®¡¯What?¡¯¡¯ I blurt in jumpy reaction, he still has an ability to make me flinch and instinctively respond.


    ¡®¡¯Do you understand?¡¯¡¯ He says it so slowly, like he¡¯s talking to a child, as much as I want to roll my


    eyes and sigh at him I just nod politely and give him my all-purpose quick smile of agreement.


    ¡®¡¯Yes, sir!¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®That better not be sarcasm!¡¯¡¯ He grits teeth at me and I can see he is in no mood today.


    ¡®¡®Oh just fuck off Alexi, I will do as I am told. I will have your bodyguard nking my every move anyway,


    so it¡¯s not like I can do anything other than what you say. He looks more than capable of enforcing your


    demands. You can leave now.¡¯¡¯ Sassy is back in y even if it¡¯s more agitation fuelled, and as much as


    I don¡¯t really want him to leave, he¡¯s pissing me off.


    ¡®¡¯Nice try. I have ns here for the next few hours then we can have dinner and I¡¯ll go back to the city.¡¯¡¯


    He dismisses me with an eyebrow flick and picks up mail on the side unit, flicking through distractedly.


    What?


    ¡®¡¯Dinner? Like a date?¡¯¡¯ I honest to God nch at him in disbelief, and he just frowns like I am


    completely stupid.


    ¡®¡¯No, not like a date. Dinner ¡­ I need an escort, I have business here. Wear something conservative,


    sexy underwear, high shoes and hair down.¡¯¡¯ He nods like I am a puppy getting amand to heal and


    this is an everyday request.


    My eyes are probably as wide as saucers as that inner rage sparks back up. ¡®¡®I told you to stop doing


    that. One, I can dress myself¡ªI manage daily with quite a level of sess and as you check me out


    when you think I am not looking, it¡¯s obviously a skill. Secondly, I assume the underwear is for your


    benefit and I wasn¡¯t aware I was now one of your fuck buddies whenever you feel like it. Possessions, I


    assumed, had some say over when, where and how, if I ever let you touch me again. And thirdly, oh


    yes I have a third ¡­ Stop telling me how to wear my hair it grows from my fucking head, therefore it¡¯s


    mine and I know how best to wear it.¡¯¡¯ That would be hormonal rage button pressed and put into y.


    And his response is to lookpletely amused as though I am having a mere tantrum over something


    mundane and not his overbearing ever-present control issues.


    Arghhhhhh!


    ¡®¡®Do I have to remind you of what happens anytime you defy me?¡¯¡¯


    I actually hate him. He just switches on intimidation at every turn and makes me melt into my own


    shoes and back down with one icy tone. I am so sick of it, but he knows it works and therefore he uses


    it. Like a dog whistle to a misbehaving hound and I realise maybe Gino is right, I do need to stand up to


    the tosser when he ys this card.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ll pick my clothes!¡¯¡¯ I stamp my foot childishly, straightening my bloody metaphoric crown. Pushing


    that tingling of apprehension away, and staking a im in my own goddamn life!


    ¡®¡®Underwear? My choice because you won¡¯t be seeing them, so it doesn¡¯t affect you if I go in my full


    birthday suit or my granny backup knickers.¡¯¡¯ I lift one finger and stroke it off dramatically, staring him


    straight in the eye as he towers over me effortlessly.


    ¡®¡¯Hair, shoes and makeup ¡­ however I feel, and whatever mood strikes me.¡¯¡¯ I strike off three more


    fingers, ring at him with furrowed brows and oozing attitude, waving my hands around like a crazed


    weirdo.


    ¡®¡¯You? ¡­ I don¡¯t care. I can take you or leave you any day of the week and makes no difference to me


    at all.¡¯¡¯ Fifth finger that I prod mid-air before lifting my other hand to carry on the list of things he will not


    dictate to me. ¡®¡¯Dinner? Well if you asked me nicely then I would probably agree as I have a long


    tedious stretch in the Boredoms to get through, and it might be nice to have a little fun, plus I¡¯m hungry


    and do not see a cook lingering in the shadows to rummage me up anything five star and have no


    desire to sweat in your kitchen either.¡¯¡¯ Alexi looks mildly unamused but I carry right on.


    ¡®¡¯And finally, Escort services? Unlikely, so don¡¯t hold your breath! Thisdy of the night hung up her


    crotch-less knickers a long time ago and you could never afford my current fee to get me out of


    retirement. Face it Carrero ¡­ I am above your pay grade.¡¯¡¯ I am standing my ground, even if I am


    shaking on it. Alexi locks eyes on me in a silent battle and I catch the slight shift of suits in the room,


    making a swift exit, which makes my heart sink. Bravado waning because I have no idea why his own


    men would walk out when one of his ythings dares to stand up to him.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    I know he won¡¯t hit me; that much I am confident in nowadays. I just have no idea what he is going to


    do. Sometimes he just ignores my show of fierce; other times he ties me to torture devices in dark


    rooms and destroys me with so very little effort.


    His own blood and shadows making a swift depart just tells me that his soulless demon side is about to


    make a grand entrance. He leans in close, terrifyingly so, and almost touches his nose to mine in a


    wholly intimidating way. A hand trailing my face almost delicately, sending shivers and ripples of


    something through my core as he puts the fear of God in me in the worst kind of way.


    ¡®¡®Disobedience never bodes well for you, London. As for me and sex ¡­ you can bet on it. Making


    stands, acting like you don¡¯t want it, but I can read you better than you think and every single pore on


    your body is screaming for me to touch you.¡¯¡¯ He leans closer and I swear I hold my breath in


    anticipation, despite every single part of me wanting so badly to tell him to go jump off a bridge; my


    traitorous pelvis quivering with proximity to his, and I can¡¯t keep my eyes from straying to his mouth


    while my body vibrates with the intimacy of how close he¡¯s gotten.


    I jump when he runs his thumb over my lips and tilts my head up to him with a finger under my chin, so


    I almost graze his mouth. I want him to kiss me, even while being terrified of his every move.


    Jesus, I am pathetic as shit and so fucked up.


    ¡®¡®I can smell the desperation.¡¯¡¯ Alexi drops my face and moves me back in one harsh fluid movement


    with one finger on my chest that feels like a stinging p to my pride.


    Letting him fuck me was the single dumbest thing I ever did, and we both know it. He has another


    edge, and true to personality, he intends to exploit its power over me. I can say no until the cowse


    home, but even I know the second he throws seduction my way I will fold and my fate will be inevitable.


    All he has to do is kiss me and I''ll be putty in his hands.


    Alexi is like a drug. You despise what it does to you, you hate yourself for needing it, and you know it


    will destroy your life and turn you into something you don¡¯t recognise anymore. Yet when it¡¯s within


    grasp you will give your soul to be possessed by it all over again.


    I ampletely screwed.

 Chapter 40

    Chapter 40


    I try my hardest to y it cool through an excruciating dinner with upper ss gangsters. It¡¯s obvious


    that¡¯s what they are, yet everyone is living the fake normal life out here and it¡¯s all behind closed doors.


    There are smiles and polite conversation about their monotonously boring lives and over-primped


    wives as they guzzle down overly priced food and act like they like their presentpany.


    We are sat in one of this town¡¯s most prestigious restaurants, surrounded by opulent settings and a


    sparkling chandelier over my head that is practically blinding us with light. A group of porky men with


    way too much cologne and wives that have had to be tied into their frocks to hold in the


    overindulgence. A lot of jewellery on disy, so much so the dazzle has given me a headache and the


    men can¡¯t seem to keep their bulging eyes off my cleavage.


    Seems Alexi isn¡¯t impressed with my choice of outfit and I did dress to just piss him off. He said


    conservative, yet he wants me to bend over and get fucked right after, so I dressed for the part. Ex-


    hooker turned mistress¡ªin a very tight, low, and revealing little number that clings to every curve and


    stops mid-thigh. Cleavage popping, harlot red like my hair andced up so tight at the back that it¡¯s


    almost defying gravity in keeping my breasts covered.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    I know I am rebelling and I will probably regret this decision very soon with the way he keeps ring at


    me, but I should embrace the fact that life with Alexi Carrero is going to kill me one way or the other


    and at least if I stop trying to obey I will have some control over the inevitability.


    He might choke me through sex this time and not let up until I no longer respond. It would be a blessing


    in disguise.


    I sip on my fourth ss of red in a bid to drown out the mundanepany and fuel my inner bravado. I


    feel tipsy and almost start to enjoy the waves of hostilitying my way.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re a very beautiful asset.¡¯¡¯ One of the suits'' voice waves my way and a moustache covered smile


    follows, eyes firmly locked on my tits as I zone back into the conversation. His dowdy grey-haired wife


    is looking at me as though she wants to ram her shrimp fork into my eyeball and I smile politely. I¡¯m


    guessing he asked Alexi if I was his wife and got his bog-standard reply of ¡®¡¯Hostess to my exclusive


    club.¡¯¡¯ He would never admit to having anything that remotely constitutes some sort of connection to a


    woman, that might be mistaken as a rtionship.


    ¡®¡¯Thank you, I do try. Alexi likes me to shine when he shows me off.¡¯¡¯ I add with charm, butced in


    sarcasm and get that cool set of greys thrown my way with an evil glint of displeasure. Same look this


    dress got me from the moment he took my jacket off as we started to sit at our table and saw it.


    Surrounded by eyes waiting to pounce on him, he couldn¡¯t react, and he¡¯s been simmering ever since.


    He¡¯s been very charming to his guests all night, oozing confidence and smiles. I can see why he never


    smiles much at the club. It¡¯s all he does when faced publicly with important people, and he must get


    tired with the pretence.


    He seemspletely at home among the upper ss all idly chit chatting and drinking expensive


    booze in elegant surroundings that use way too much gold in their decorating. Practically every


    inanimate object is shiny yellow metal.


    Even with his tattoos on show that should ruin the look of an elegant businessman, somehow, he just


    seems to fit in all the elegance of the morous setting. Alexi is a thug who can pull off ss. It¡¯s


    disconcerting, but I guess being raised in a billionaire family entrenched with generations of mobsters it


    gets inbred. He can sit confidently in a plush red padded chair and use an array of cutlery like a


    pampered pro.


    I have never really beenfortable around it, but I learned to y the part to fit in. High ss clientele


    is generous, and it¡¯s a lot less work for maximum profit than scraping the streets for enough to eat. I


    learned young that to seed in more than survival you had to up your ss and attract a better


    calibre of people.


    Saying that, the rich tend to be way more devious and perverted with their requests, due to the fact


    they always get what they want and aren¡¯t afraid to demand it. With moneyes a whole other world


    of depravity. Upping my game just opened me up to a whole new level of pain. I got out of the game as


    soon as I could and had enough money behind me to start fresh, reinvent myself and find another


    means to make money.


    Sex sells, it always does, and so I knew to get anywhere I had to keep it a part of my arsenal. I just


    didn¡¯t want to be the vessel that was used anymore and devised my own little brood of girls to open


    their legs instead.


    I was done being used, beaten and controlled and the night Rick put me in the hospital gave me my


    chance to take off and never go back. Who knew undergoing surgery to save my life and fix the


    damage he inflicted would open a passageway of escape and give me enough freedom to run as fast


    as I could.


    I could have killed myself leaving the hospital in the state I was in, and the looks I got boarding a train


    in a bloody hospital gown with a ck bag in my hands with all my worldly possession didn¡¯t deter me. I


    was neen, knowing my life was going one way if I didn¡¯t get out and I haven¡¯t stopped running


    since.


    I don¡¯t know what it¡¯s like to ever stop looking over my shoulder and I didn¡¯t know what safe felt like


    until Alexi, which ispletely bizarre. Always at the back of my mind is the thought that Rick might


    one day find me, but somehow, I don¡¯t think he would dare cross Carrero in a bid to get at me.


    ¡®¡¯Do you want to dance?¡¯¡¯ I watch as the gentleman to my left asks his wife and holds out his arm. They


    are probably the sweetest couple at the table, and he is the only one, minus Alexi, whose eyes haven¡¯t


    been glued to my bodice all through dinner. He takes his wife and helps her out of her chair so very


    carefully, as though she is a precious gem and I can¡¯t help but watch with envious fascination. The way


    he obviously still worships the woman, even with her wrinkles and grey hairs, the podgy midriff in a gold


    sequin dress and aged skin.


    He¡¯s no catch himself, in histe fifties or more, portly and short, but she¡¯s looking at him like he is a


    complete Adonis and the infatuation is evident. If I was another girl I would go as far as saying it¡¯s cute


    in a way, wholesome if you liked that kind of thing. I have no idea why it makes me feel wretched to


    watch them, welling up inside and a lump catching in my throat that makes my stomach ache.


    I nce away with a show of indifference and catch Carrero¡¯s eyes on me, watching me like a hawk,


    always watching for signs of my weakness, and he smirks. The rising of the pair give way to more


    couples getting up to head to the ballroom floor and it¡¯s not long before Alexi and I are left alone, and


    he looks like he has no intention of dancing with me. He¡¯s been cold, more so than normal, and I know


    it¡¯s because my outright defiance is brewing in that brain of his. Probably thinking up a heinous


    punishment suitable for the crime and I sigh at him with open irritation.


    ¡®¡®What is it? Why are you staring at me?¡¯¡¯ I wish he was invested in my cleavage, but that¡¯s not what


    this is, he¡¯s in thinking mode and something devious is going on in that brain.


    ¡®¡®Is that what you long for?¡¯¡¯ He nods after the couples on the floor and I blink at him in confusion.


    ¡®¡®What are you talking about? A life here in the Hamptons with some old crusty man pawing at me? No


    thank you.¡¯¡¯ I have way more self-respect than to be a trophy wife to some wrinkly old man for his


    money. I¡¯d rather make my own.


    Alexiughs and shifts to lean back in his chair lifting his dessert spoon and tapping it annoyingly on


    the surface.


    ¡®¡¯The love-sick man ¡­ adoring you and growing old together?¡¯¡¯ If he could have made that question any


    more steeped in sarcasm and disdain he would have, but it¡¯s weighty as it is. I hate that he caught me


    watching them and my face colours with heat that maybe for a moment deep down I got a pang of what


    that could be like, to have someone love me ¡­ but I¡¯m not stupid enough to ever want it or believe in it.


    I have seen the real face of men my whole life, it¡¯s all just masks and fairy tales and the reality is a dark


    and cruel result.


    The reality is men like Alexi and their belief that women are just objects they can do whatever they


    want to. His idea of love is ownership and punishment when you disobey.


    ¡®¡®I gave up on that fancy a long time ago. I¡¯m a realist. I¡¯m damaged goods and decent men, if they


    even exist, avoid women like me as though we are diseased. We are good for sexual use but nothing


    more.¡¯¡¯ I lift my wine and take a drink, trying to keep that enchanting smile in ce while we are so


    public, but Alexi leans into me, dropping his spoon and props his elbow on the table so he cages me in.


    That good old feeling of ustrophobia washes over me. He has this down to a fine art form now.


    ¡®¡¯So what do you long for, London?¡¯¡¯ He looks decidedly predator tonight and I recoil a little inside, wary


    of Carrero fishing for information. I have fallen into that trap way too many times.


    ¡®¡®I long for a tall, dark, sexy and handsome man ¡­ To stop fucking calling me stupid pet names!¡¯¡¯ I bite


    back at him, raising my chin and give him a good old raised eyebrow of attitude before sitting back to


    cradle my ss. Alexiughs under his breath and stays exactly where he is. Not fazed by my anger


    but revelling in it instead.


    ¡®¡¯Let¡¯s dance, we can continue this conversation out there.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t give me a chance to refuse, just


    grabs me, in the way he does by my arm, and yanks me with him to stand, so I have zero control of my


    limbs.

 Chapter 41

    Chapter 41


    Sliding a possessive arm around my waist, a little tightly and almost frog marches me to the dance


    floor. He does an up and down look of my dress with obvious disdain and tenses that square jaw of his.


    ¡®¡®I hate this fucking dress you look like a hooker.¡¯¡¯ He is all charm tonight isn¡¯t he?


    ¡®¡¯Thank you, that¡¯s the look I was going for.¡¯¡¯ I answer smugly as he hauls me into position on the floor


    and starts dancing me slowly to a very boring piece of ssical music, pulling me into hismand


    and almost lifting me off my feet with how tightly I¡¯m held. It¡¯s hardly loving orfortable and is just an


    aggressive show of how pissed he is at me.


    ¡®¡¯You think I am not tallying all this shit up in my head ¡­ forter?¡¯¡¯ He almost growls it with furrowed


    brows and tone husky as hell as my blood turns to ice in my veins. Heartbeat escting as weakness


    waves through me. I think they call that a wave of fear, yet I lift my chin and smile. ¡®¡¯Shock ¡­ Alexi is


    thinking up ways to put me back in my ce, should I be scared?¡¯¡¯ I shouldn¡¯t poke the bear, but he just


    infuriates me at every turn and even if I am palpating with nerves, I am no longer going to show him


    that he affects me. Even if I feel sick with the fact he does.


    ¡®¡¯The club isn¡¯t the only ce I have shackles installed.¡¯¡¯ He rasps and that does shut me up, face


    dropping and all bravado too. He¡¯s a prick that knows how to make me shit myself, and I wouldn¡¯t put it


    past him to tie me up and do heinous things to me in the name of punishment. I think he gets off on it.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re starting to lose your cool Carrero. Outright threats and angry tones, I think you might being


    down with something serious.¡¯¡¯ I jest at him, all fake attitude, while my heart pounds like a war drum.


    Alexi just smiles sciously.


    ¡®¡®You forget how much of you I can feel right now. Smart mouth, yet your body is in panic mode, you¡¯re


    running scared, London. So I can¡¯t be losing that much of my edge.¡¯¡¯ He is aplete arsehole and I


    look away across the room to avoid the amusement and arrogance all over his smug arse face. I hate


    how clever the Tosser can be.


    ¡®¡¯Why did you bring me here? If all you are going to do is be a prick all night.¡¯¡¯ I can feel the welt of tears


    brimming and it¡¯s so stupid, crying over him. Crying because of him and how much of an arsehole he


    can be. This is not who I am or the girl I have ever been. I rise above men and their games andugh


    in their face with no effect whatsoever. I don¡¯t get why he is any different and I hate that I cannot control


    it. The sooner he leaves me here the better. I need him out of my life while I get a handle on the power


    he has over me.


    ¡®¡®I wanted some arm candy and it looks out of ce if I don¡¯t bring a date. You were easier than finding


    a new one for tonight on short notice.¡¯¡¯


    Wanker!


    Knows how to make a girl feel special.


    ¡®¡¯How much longer do we need to stay here? I¡¯m bored, I want to leave.¡¯¡¯ I say huffily and just avoid


    looking at him at all. Wounded that he just gets to me and hating the fact that I am just now one of his


    many ¡®¡®women¡¯¡¯ and I have lost my use in his club that separated me from the rest. I know he¡¯s not a


    man you get easy ess to any day of the week and my use meant I got a free pass to see him


    anytime I wanted. Now I am being refiled under the ¡®¡®pick her up when I feel the itch for a redhead.¡¯¡¯


    Still slow dancing with his arm around my waist, one hand holding mine, my other on his broad


    shoulder and this intimacy is suffocating me. Like adding salt to my many wounds.


    ¡®¡®Now. I¡¯m done here.¡¯¡¯ He lets me go and takes my hand a little too firmly to ever be confused as tender


    and walks me to the nearest old man while he tells them we are leaving. Oldie gives me the once over


    with his eyes and that smarmy grin as he whispers something in Alexi¡¯s ear¡ªit¡¯s obvious to what he¡¯s


    saying. Carrero just pats him on the back firmly and smiles. ¡¯¡¯She¡¯s about to find out.¡¯¡¯ His nces my


    way do nothing to give me confidence, he just looks like he always does, and I sigh inplete


    detion, letting out a long slow breath and try not to let my nerves show. Let the games proceed ¡­


    * * *


    Mico drives us back to Alexi¡¯s grand house, nestled on its own little piece ofnd standing back from


    other huge houses in the street. It¡¯s a poster child for suburban living and wealthy lifestyles and is


    picturesque in a morous way. It¡¯s already lit up with the men who stayed behind and looks almost


    weing despite my sombre mood.


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    My future security hanging around inside greet us with the once over, checking all who enter, and he


    dismisses them when we get inside. Nodding at Mico and sending silent messages with nothing but


    slight looks, he guides me upstairs without much conversation about it and I just do as I am told.


    Not bothered that I am being ushered right upstairs upon our return, I¡¯m not really a cosy lounge and


    watch Tv type.


    The car ride had been in stony silence as the atmosphere thickened, and he stayed with eyes glued to


    his phone amid throes of gripping texts it seems. He never looked my way once and it just heightened


    my anxiety for getting back here; I know that he¡¯s pissed and have no clue what is going on in that


    head of his, nor am I eager to find out. He¡¯s someone who holds onto his little grudges, and he does


    like the added suspense of making you sweat it out a little. He¡¯s deliberately giving me the silent


    treatment to heighten my nerves and I should just not care. But that¡¯s like trying to turn back the tide:


    Impossible.


    I see I obviously have no choice in the nuptial arrangements, in the fact he¡¯s pushing me straight to the


    bedroom, and I am willing myself to be firm, hold my ground and make him sleep anywhere other than


    with me. He is holding fast, walking in silence along the carpeted and dimly lit hall but I can tell with the


    way he is cajoling where I head that his mind is made up, I am his prey for tonight. He meant it when


    he said sex was a must.


    I won¡¯t give in ¡­ I won¡¯t let him have sex with me because he has deemed it as the n and what he


    wants, I must break this part of the deal and not let it happen again; show him he does not own me like


    he does his other bimbos and sluts. He is gaining way too much control, and sex is a weapon he is


    effective with. I know that he is way too persuasive when he sets his mind on seduction, and I am way


    too weak for him, so I need to make a stand now. Before we get to his bedroom door and I can hightail


    it into mine as we pass. I¡¯ll say goodnight and go to my own room. Be strong, be fierce, hate him and


    tell him where to go.


    When we get to thending outside the room I was shown to earlier, I try to divert off to mine instead of


    the path to his he has me on, but he just tightens his hold on my arm and yanks me around back


    towards his own door. I struggle for a moment, protest in my movements, but my nerve is failing and I


    really do not want to have a tug of war with my own limb.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sleeping alone, in my room, without you!¡¯¡¯ I try for verbal bravado, but he knocks the wind out of


    my sail with a quick spin of my body to face him, before pushing me up hard against the wall to my


    right. My back hitting it with a little force that knocks me senseless, and he¡¯s right in my face moulding


    to me with every part of that strong muscr form. I catch my breath, pressed chest to chest and


    breathing hard as he advances on me like a vampire longing for blood.


    ¡®¡¯You can say No ¡­ but you have to mean it.¡¯¡¯ He sounds husky, sexy, overly confident and my


    stubbornness waivers. He¡¯s on that power trip because of my defiance over my outfit. Whether he


    wanted sex or not, he¡¯s pushing the point because I also denied that, and he is far too clued in on my


    inability to really turn him down. It¡¯s like he can read my freaking mind.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m not having sex with you. That part of this rtionship is done.¡¯¡¯ I just sound feeble and curse my


    lack of acting when faced with him. No matter how annoyed I am with him, I can¡¯t actually hold onto it


    as a deterrent to getting naked with him. It¡¯s like caving chocte even though you know it will just


    make your clothes too tight and you will regret itter.


    Stand up to him! Don¡¯t let him kiss you for God¡¯s sake.


    ¡®¡¯You don¡¯t sound so sure.¡¯¡¯ Alexi moves in an inch closer and his nose grazes mine, his breath on my


    sensitive lips and I have to fight to stop myself closing my eyes and inhaling how good he smells. It¡¯s


    one of those infuriating things about him, he always smells too good to be true. If you could bottle the


    one scent that drove you wild out of your mind with longing and horniness it would be Alexi Carrero¡¯s


    smell. It¡¯s inhuman. ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sure.¡¯¡¯ My voice trembles, it¡¯s so low it¡¯s barely audible, body trembling like


    crazy with the sheer closeness of someone who makes me ache for him and I curse myself for how


    weak I sound. Grappling to find my previous disdain for the man. I should be much stronger than this,


    and I don¡¯t get how just moving close and touching me wipes all that away. Sharing air, nose to nose,


    body pressed perfectly to his and heart pounding through my chest. I can literally feel my underwear


    selfbusting with the way he has me pinned, my mouth longing to be kissed by him, and yet I


    mustn¡¯t give in. My breasts heaving with the effort and so very afraid that he might actually kiss me and


    undo all my protests. That static between us crackles in the air.


    ¡®¡¯Goodnight then.¡¯¡¯ He smiles and begins to rx his hold on me so that I exhale in relief and start to


    sag a little that I haven¡¯t had to fight it, fight him. A little light-headed with the way I suddenly took in a


    little too much oxygen as he steps away, and even though I am rejoicing, I also feel bitterly torn and


    disappointed and curse myself out.

 Chapter 42

    Chapter 42


    ¡®¡¯Goodnight.¡¯¡¯ I whisper so softly and turn to make an attempt to slide away from him, relieved I am


    escaping unscathed, and he seems to have forgotten he¡¯s pissed at me, but he catches me by the


    throat, softly cups it and pins me back to the wall so fast I gasp at the surprise of it.


    ¡®¡¯Can¡¯t end a date without a kiss.¡¯¡¯ He smirks at me sciously, and that¡¯s when I know I¡¯m done for, he


    knows it too and this was all just meaningless teasing. Prick was ying me all along. He likes my little


    attempts at turning him down and I hold my breath and will myself to numb this out. Knowing I won¡¯t be


    able to dodge him.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡¯You said it wasn¡¯t a ¡­ ¡­¡¯¡¯ Alexi swoops in without warning and locks his mouth to mine. Silencing me


    and like the stupid weak fool I know I am, I kiss him back. Defeated as my body instantly heats and


    tingles; that same irrational impulse overtakes me as my hands find his neck and shoulders and I give


    as much as he is. Tongues intertwining in seconds, he pins my wrists to the wall as he devours me.


    My only excuse is the sexst time left me tainted and the craving I have had since needs to be fed.


    Once I get my fill then maybe it will stop.


    Alexi is the kind of kisser that blows your mind right out of the water, he knows what he¡¯s doing and


    kisses exactly as a seducer should. Your toes curl, you wish your clothes would literally peel off to save


    time and get him on top of you faster. He heats your blood to fever temperature in less than ten


    seconds with devilish good lip action and roaming hands, and you forget all self-respect or protests with


    just the feel of his mouth on yours. He doesn¡¯t give too much tongue, enough to tease, to draw yours to


    him and yet somehow it¡¯s like he knows just how to make love to your mouth without breaking for a


    breath.


    I have kissed a lot of men in my lifetime but none were as enjoyable as the way he kisses. Alexi has


    ruined me for mere men to ever kiss agai, and I hate that despite telling him no to kissing it¡¯s a


    boundary he chose to keep ignoring. I know that is just another power y in itself, he is all about


    games and putting me in my ce.


    I get hoisted up against him, bodies pressed as he carries me into his room and deposits me on my


    own feet when he finally breaks free to shut the door but leaves the lights off, so we are silhouetted in


    the moonlight. His hands skimming me as he dives for my neck and I literally turn to hot liquid, all


    resistance gone and my own palms slide under his jacket to push it off as he finds the upper edges to


    my stocking and rips them from my suspender belt. He drags my dress up enough to feel me out and I


    almost buckle with how quickly he goes straight for the goal. His hands in my knickers and figuring out


    that I got ready and willing the second he pinned me to the wall.


    I groan as he probes me, mouth back on mine and he grins against my kiss. I guess I can forget my


    refusal, he has me back like he did the first time. Panting for him.


    ¡®¡¯So much for not wanting me to fuck you.¡¯¡¯ He rasps breathlessly and goes back to sucking my jaw and


    lip while my body almost convulses with his intentions. He is equally good with his hands, and I am


    surprised that someone like him would ever have learned the art of giving pleasure to a woman this


    expertly, seeing as he¡¯s such a self-centred prick who normally takes what he wants. I have no doubt


    he could make me climax with what he is doing, and it¡¯s wholly unnerving.


    I have NEVER had a man get me off with just his hands and kissing. He truly is the devil.


    I cling to him as my legs turn to jelly and try like crazy to stop moaning so loudly. It¡¯s obvious I am


    enjoying what he¡¯s doing but I don¡¯t need to let him know that, he¡¯s smug enough without me making


    him cockier.


    My body turns to liquid heat and try as much as I can, but I know I¡¯m lost to what he is doing and the


    noisesing out of me arepletely involuntary. I was never really a verbal screw but Alexi gives a


    whole new meaning to moaning in pleasure.


    Alexi lets me go and I almost fall over with the sudden release of his body against mine, gasping in


    longing and annoyed that he¡¯s stopped what felt so good when he spins me around and almost face


    palms me to the wall. I end up with palms syed on the surface with him behind me, gasping and


    panting while his hands run down each side of my body and stop on my upper thighs. His touch


    burning my skin as he trails across it. I instantly sober from my lust drunk stupor and focus on the fact


    he has me this way, that tingling of uncertainty turning to fear and I make a move to try and turn


    around.


    ¡®¡¯I told you I hate this fucking dress.¡¯¡¯ He grinds his boner against my arse, hoarsely talking in my ear


    before biting my earlobe. I yelp, not enjoying this anymore and again trying to turn to face him, heart


    rate elevating, stomach turning in knots with the overwhelming foreboding coursing through me. Alexi


    just ttens me back to the wall and rips the damn dress open from the bottom middle seam and yanks


    it all the way up and apart that I practically fall out of it with the sudden release.


    It¡¯s raw and primal and ordinarily would make me hornier than hell. Ripping and tearing expensive


    fabric literally right up the centre, with brute force until it¡¯spletely detached, and he yanks it free


    and tosses it aside, still pinned to the wall in my underwear, and he¡¯s back against me, his body hard to


    mine as he presses one hand over my palm on the wall and the other slides around my waist. Instead ,I


    am just trying to breathe as I am held captive in a position that¡¯s turning me into a slow emotional


    wreck, still fighting his death grip to get him from behind me as my legs start to shake. It is heaven and


    hell all in one.


    To feel him wrapping himself around me and against me once more, filling a yearning emptiness that is


    always inside of me. My body stirring and heart soaring with his embrace, yet at the same time, there¡¯s


    a deep sense of terror at the back of my mind, reminding me he uses sex on me at every turn, and I


    should be wary. I don¡¯t like that he is behind me and my inner nerves are swirling and growing as I try


    like crazy not to let this fear raise its head in front of him again. Taking shallow breaths and staving off


    my panic attack. I won¡¯t show him the same mess he met that night in the apartment, I won¡¯t let him


    know how much being taken this way affects me, or he will endlessly use it.


    I have endured it many times before. I can and will endure it with him, before showing him that


    weakness once more. Grit my teeth and bare it. ¡®¡¯Tell me.¡¯¡¯ He rasps and tilts my head back with a hand


    around my throat, pressing the back of my skull into his strong shoulder firmly, and looks at my face


    from his higher view point. Even in half-darkness he looks formidable and sexy as hell. All strong lines


    and handsome features in the moonlight, he just exudes masculinity from every pore. The tormenter


    who seduces his prey.


    ¡®¡¯Tell you what?¡¯¡¯ I reply breathily, putty in his hands and willing to go to hell just to feel him inside of me


    again. I try not to focus on my rapid breathing or shuddering heartbeat as I fight the waves of darkening


    fear growing in the pit of my tummy. I want to turn around, but if I do then he will know why. I don¡¯t want


    to enforce his power of what this can do, so I will y along and fight its effects.


    ¡®¡¯That you want this ¡­ that you want me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s all about control and surrender for him and I bite on my


    lip, willing myself to defy him, fight him and refuse him that little consent he needs, but my voice has


    other ideas.


    ¡®¡®I want you.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s soft and breathless and I wish I could take it back the second I say it, hating my own


    failings. I tremble when I hear that low deepugh in his throat.


    ¡®¡¯Good girl.¡¯¡¯ The sinister edge within that normally happy sound makes my insides crumble to dust.


    Fear upping a gear as I realise this is not what I hoped it would be. Two words, spoken in that voice


    that always drags me to heel. I just unleashed the devil.


    Alexi grabs my wrist and pulls it back behind me and holds it against my spine cruelly, so fast I barely


    have a moment to catch on or take a breath. The arm around my waist tightens viciously as he hauls


    my body back and he kicks my ankles apart in a manner befitting a prisoner in shackles. Every ounce


    of blood within me drains from my body, cold terror draws thest warmth from me and my face ices


    with the knowledge that this is what he wanted.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi, not like ¡­¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t get the words out as he covers my mouth with a rough hand, mping me


    quiet and taking away any ability to refuse. He pushes my head against the wall as he bends me over


    and thrusts inside of me in one easy swoop that sends me crashing painfully against the hard surface


    as I bang my shoulder and chest with a muffled yelp. Manoeuvred and held like a piece of meat for his


    bidding. Entered again in that spiteful way of his which is meant to hurt. Held taught, bent over and


    being punished in the worst way I start wing frantically with my one free hand at the wall in a bid to


    get out of this position, pulling at his hand as I¡¯m forced with the power of his thrusts into a more


    prominent bent over shape while being screwed.


    My head hits the wall as he impales me again, my arm aching with the way I¡¯m restrained by one arm


    behind me and it¡¯s excruciating. There¡¯s no pleasure in what he is doing, he¡¯s punishing, humiliating


    and ravaging me in the worst possible way as his pration burns my skin inside and out. All


    enjoyment gone as fear racks through me, memories and pain slice through my brain, being taken from


    behind, mouth gagged, body bound as I was abused over and over until my body bled and my legs


    shook with the effort of staying upright.


    The traumas of those nightmares that never cease to haunt me, and he¡¯s making me relive every single


    one. The biting pain of unwanted sex, the burn as my body tries to reject what¡¯s not wanted and the


    rough hard way he is using my body and treating me like a worthless vessel to screw. He saw the


    weapon he had and he is using it. He turns everything into something to hurt me and this inhumane


    disy of dominance is just another tool to put me in my ce.


    I should have known I wouldn¡¯t bypass punishment, I should never have trusted him.

 Chapter 43

    Chapter 43


    I try digging my nails into his wrist to try and stop him, but he¡¯s got me held and gagged like he


    intended, and I can¡¯t get him off no matter how much I thrash, twist and turn. I can barely breathe or


    open my mouth to attempt biting, as the floods of tears hit me, through the veiled mist of panic.


    He¡¯s stronger, more powerful and my slight body is no match. Alexi fucks me for only seconds, until I


    am in the throes of emotional hysteria so great my legs give out, and I end up being held uppletely


    by him before he stops. The point of his effort was not his sexual gratification¡ªit was a in and


    simple lesson in my defiance. A tool to hurt me for standing up to him again and it was never about sex


    at all.


    My eyes are blurry with tears and my nose pouring from the instant sodden mess I have be. My


    heart is destroyed, my soul torn in two and I can¡¯t see from the blind panic of being unable to get free.


    Pain wracking through me from the distress of what he has done.


    Despite trying to hide this from him, he ripped it to the surface in the same way he forced me to endure


    one of my biggest fears. Letting me go, gracelessly dumped, I fall in a heap on the floor sobbing and


    wing desperately at my arms and legs to curl up, even though he no longer has a hold of me. He just


    stands and res while he buttons up his trousers and calmly rights himself as though he¡¯s doing


    nothing wrong.


    I feel vited and dirty, destroyed in every way as dark shadows and men fly at me through the dark


    shadows of being caught between reality and traumatic memory.


    ¡®¡¯I warned you ¡­ don¡¯t fuck with me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s low, cold and devoid of remorse. The evil in the darkness and


    he¡¯s no different to any of the millions of men who treated me like worthless rubbish. I am distraught,


    gasping, aching and shaking so violently I cannotpose myself. Unable to get off the floor or move


    from where I feel. Like a worthless rag on the floor. He didn¡¯t physically hurt me much, he didn¡¯t force


    anything on me, but he knew how to get to me on the worst kind of level, and as I pull my legs into


    myself as tightly as I can, curling up to shield my body from more abuse, I sob like a broken child. I


    physically cannot hate him anymore than I do right now. This was more than humiliating, it was soul-


    destroying. ¡®¡®Why ¡­ would ¡­ you?¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t get the words out through gasping breaths and hazy vision,


    broken inside and lost in memory and fear. ces I spent years locking out, and ever since him, they


    have been unravelling inside of me like a spew of bad dreams, suddenly resurfacing after years of


    being locked in a box.


    ¡®¡¯I told you once ¡­ I am not your hero or your lover. I told you that there would be consequences if you


    got on the wrong side of me.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds strange even for him, and I bury my face in my hands and


    just start to unravelpletely, trying to stifle my heart broken gasps, but I am just too far gone down


    that road of emotional despair. Shuddering with the effort to breathe, wiping my nose and face as it


    drips onto my naked chest. Hating and cursing him, yet so lost in my own misery that I don¡¯t care if he


    sees me broken.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    I don¡¯t care if it¡¯s what he wants¡ªhe has broken me. I wrap my arms around my legs and pull myself


    taught and small, tucking my head down into the ball I make with my body, like I used to when I was


    little in a bid to keep the bad men out and find a safe little ce where no one could find me. Make


    myself invisible, so they might leave me alone for just one day, one hour, one minute, even just one


    second to have no one wanting to hurt me.


    Almost without even realising I start humming that song I used to sing in my head, over and over to try


    to block it out. To self soothe and find that inner peace which stopped me from losing my mind a million


    times in my past, and to try to keep what they were doing out of my focus. Humming a stupid luby, I


    don¡¯t even know where I heard it but it¡¯s always there ready to centre me and bring me back to a safer


    ce in my head. Finding that little haven of unreality where my mind can detach from my body and


    nothing can touch me anymore.


    I jump when a warm touch on my arm breaks my internal bubble, crashing back to the still darkness of


    my prison, and Ish out ferociously.


    ¡®¡®Don¡¯t touch me! ¡­ None of you will ever touch me again.¡¯¡¯ I cry out, fighting shadows and cruel hands


    with so much pain and anguish in my voice as I fail to really grasp where I am anymore.


    Lashing out with one hand to p and scratch at whoever gets near. ¡®¡®Cami?¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice sounds


    different and far away from me, alien to how he ever sounds. His dark silhouette appearing close by


    between the shes and slices of other faces. I can¡¯t look at him, at the monster who takes pleasure in


    all the suffering of those weaker than him. The monster that uses my wounds against me in any way he


    can. I shift away, trying to crawl into the darkest corner of the room to hide, and curl back into a smaller


    space in a bid to hide from them all.


    If you¡¯re small and you¡¯re quiet, then sometimes they can¡¯t find you at all. Reverting to child and


    humming my stupid song like a deranged psychopath. The hand touches me again and I freak out,sh


    out and p as it tries to hold me again in full fury, ready to defend myself to the death if I have to. I


    won¡¯t let that bastard touch me again. I won¡¯t let anyone do those things to me anymore. Those


    horrible, painful, inhumane, degrading things. I can¡¯t take anymore.


    He makes a grab at my wrist, pulling me away from the sanctuary of my corner towards him, trying to


    get a hold on me for God knows what. I twist free, screaming at him hysterically, losing all ounces of


    sanity and reacting like a caged animal backed into a wall. Finding my fierce and protecting what¡¯s left


    of me.


    ¡®¡¯Let me go! Let me ¡­ Go!!!¡¯¡¯ I fight weakly, energy waning and sobbing more than fighting as my body


    gives up the fight from sheer exhaustion. Body getting limp, but I am trying to not stop. Alexi finally lets


    me go and disappears back into the shadows, silent and still once more as I regroup and pull myself


    tight back into my little ball in a bid to keep myself safe from him, he¡¯s my idea of hell.


    All of them out there, waiting for me. Poking at me and teasing me about what they are going to do.


    Little girl, oh I am going to enjoy having you ¡­


    ¡®¡®I won¡¯t do that again.¡¯¡¯ His voice sounds strangled and low, like it¡¯s not really him at all, and I just back


    away until I feel the wall behind me once more and tighten myself up smaller, tighter and shield my


    body. Mistrusting of the softness of his tone because I know it¡¯s all a lie and just another angle, another


    false tender to pull me back in.


    Rick used to be nice sometimes ... to get me toe out. Pretend to care, pretend he was going to


    stop. It was always a lie.


    I try and block him out and jump when I hear his shoes on the floor, scraping on the hardwood making


    steps. Except they''re leaving and noting closer, and everything in me pauses as I listen to them


    departing. Stilling all of me, as I hit full alert once more and just hold very, very, still. He walks out of the


    room leaving me here to sob into my own legs and hate him with every ounce of feeling I have left. Torn


    between dreams and reality and trying to w my way back. Honing in on the room around me and


    wing back out of that sense of insanity that had me falling into a ck hole of confusion moments


    before.


    He retreats, leaving me alone with my misery to ponder what I have got myself into, what I have


    allowed to happen to me. Alexi is not my happy ever after¡ªhe¡¯s my abuser, my enemy. He became


    what he is by inflicting suffering his whole life until he became immune to the effects of seeing it.


    I became what I am because I endured the suffering my whole life until I became numb to the effects of


    feeling it. Normalising what happened to me.


    We are what we are because of people like each other, and we exist because of one another. Both on


    opposite ends, yet the oues are always the same. Humans devoid of real feelings and empathy


    that cannot function like normal people. Neither of us can ever have a normal life or a normal


    rtionship, we don¡¯t y by the healthy rules and guidelines, he just reminded me of that.


    Alexi wants to control me and punish me; I want him to just let me go and leave me alone now that I


    have been faced with a maniptor I have no skill for. I don¡¯t want what I once did where he¡¯s


    concerned. To use him and get what I want from him because I know now it¡¯s apletely delusional


    dream. I stepped into his world and realised I was aplete amateur in every way.


    He demoralises with so little effort and inflicts mental scars from people¡¯s own issues¡ªthat¡¯s a master.


    That¡¯s someone who is well versed in his craft, and I am not willing or able to live alongside it anymore.


    He is destroying what¡¯s left of my mental state and it affects him in no way at all. I have no coping


    mechanism for someone who uncovers my darkest fears and uses them against me.


    As soon as Alexi leaves the Hamptons I¡¯m going to start devising a n to run. I did it once before,


    scraping together what money I could and changing my fate. Knowing when to get out has saved my


    life so many times. I found the courage and I ran from Rick, he owned me too; he had done since I was


    eleven years old. He made all my nightmares seem like fairy tales inparison and then some, yet I


    managed to outrun him and disappear into the world. I could do it again, run further this time.


    Alexi has way more reach, but I¡¯m sure I could find a way, escape and just blend into some other world


    if I try hard enough. Lose the red hair, lose the ent and lose my name, taking the skills I have and


    get out of the grasp of Alexi Carrero in any way I can.


    If I stay this will only escte, and he will destroy everyst piece of me. I don¡¯t want to live in fear for


    the rest of my life or have an inhumane devil destroy the little tiny parts of me that I managed to


    salvage through the years of hell I already lived through. I deserve to find some sort of refuge,


    somewhere in the world. I¡¯m not so worthless that I shouldn¡¯t have at least a respite from always being


    hurt.

 Chapter 44

    Chapter 44


    The Hamptons is as dull as I thought it would be and Mico is like my parasitic shadow. He never lets


    me out of his sight no matter what reason I give him for going out, even fordy¡¯s products; he still


    stands right there, three feet away as though I¡¯m going to crawl under the tampon shelf and make an


    epic escape.


    Alexi left after that night and I haven¡¯t seen him since. He was gone when I got up. and it¡¯s been five


    days with absolutely no word from him at all. Not that I should expect word as he never told me he


    would contact me, and after he left I am certain I don¡¯t want him to. I don¡¯t ever want to see him again


    after what he did to me and the furthest away I can get from him, the better. I feel nothing for him right


    now, except hatred and loathing and if I never saw him again, it would be too soon.


    I haven¡¯t abandoned my n of running. I withdrew as much money as I could every day for thest


    four when we stopped at the cash line and concealed it from Mico, the nosy bastard that he is. I swear


    now he is the man I have to deal with, and he actually talks, I am starting to see he is as bad as Alexi


    for his need to know everything and bossy self. You can tell they are rted.


    Using my own ount, not the credit card Alexi left for me to use on food and bills, I have managed to


    squirrel a decent amount away. I¡¯ve packed my money in the lining of my handbag and sewn it in along


    with my passport, so if Mico looks he will find nothing. They don¡¯t even know my passport is in my real


    name, so I have always kept it concealed.


    I aim to run first chance I get, and I don¡¯t care where I end up. I have a baseball cap in my bag waiting


    to be able to cover my tell-tale hair, and I am literally just waiting for that opportunistic moment that


    Mico lowers his guard. I am always watching for it.


    He¡¯s taking me to the wine store to stock up Alexi¡¯s cer this afternoon, seeing as the group of five


    security, that he doesn¡¯t think is overly excessive at all for one little woman, has been boozing out the


    last few nights from boredom and it is running low. I want some bottles of red to kill my nights if I am


    stuck like this for a prolonged length of time. I might have to get drunk enough to attempt a climb from


    my bedroom to escape at this rate, as Mico is bloody relentless at guard duty.


    We walk into the wine shop and I immediately run for cover behind the nearest shelves when I spot a


    very familiar blonde head, perky little frame and bubbly tone two aisles away and almost thrust myself


    into a crate of bottles in a panic to avoid her. Surprise hitting me hard and self-preservation kicking in.


    Mico looks at me like I have lost the plot and then his eyes scan the shop and a smile breaks across


    his face.


    ¡®¡¯Arrick ¡­ Sophs ¡­ hey cuz.¡¯¡¯ He wanders forward and I nce around to see if the blonde really is


    Sophie Huntsberger like I fear. Peeking out from my spot I catch sight of her turning and greeting Mico


    with a hug, fully entangling her petite frame in the hulk of a grizzly bear. I almost forgot she is a part of


    the Carrero family that all live here and I presume the tall handsome one with her is the Carrero she is


    living with, Arrick.


    I remember the name from that night Tyler¡¯s men held us captive. I guess they are living their happily


    ever after still, and she looks good. Healthier, happier and it churns up another bout of guilt for what I


    did to her and I push it aside.


    Sophie didn¡¯t deserve the shit I threw at her. She was more of a revengeful knee-jerk reaction to liking


    someone. I got petty, pushed her away for fear of giving a shit.


    I watch safely from afar, cursing my luck at walking into the one girl in this ce who would know who I


    am andst time she saw me broke my fucking nose. Okay, so I deserved it after what I did to her, and


    I do still feel a little bit shitty for trying to screw her over and drug her into a night of rape at one of my


    client''s hands.


    Sophie was someone I started to genuinely like, and then I realised that I did and backtracked epically


    to stop myself from ever being stupid enough to trust anyone. I pushed that girl down a well in a bid to


    stop my weak arse emotions from the possibility of a real friend.


    It¡¯s obvious the boyfriend is a Carrero, it¡¯s written all over him. He¡¯s fairer than most with sandy hair yet


    brown eyes and a softer jawline, but he¡¯s rted to Alexi alright. Stance, muscr form, quick smile


    and those straight eyebrows over eyes that can turn from charm to re in a second. I can hear him


    talking and he has that same husky depth to his voice like Gino and Alexi do. An unmistakeable


    sexiness that not all men have, and I guess the Carrero genes are strong and the family resemnce


    is crazily uncanny. Easy to spot at a distance though, which helps me immensely when dodging


    people.


    ¡®¡®How¡¯re things going with you two lovebirds?¡¯¡¯ Mico sounds almost normal when faced with family, and


    it¡¯s probably the most I have ever heard him say to anyone in such a chirpy tone. He never really


    speaks. ¡®¡¯Great. Sophie is still at school in fashion, and she¡¯s doing amazingly well, we moved in


    together into my apartment finally.¡¯¡¯ The deep voice of a guy who wouldn¡¯t be too pleased to meet me


    face to face. Sophie will have told him how I got her kidnapped after trying to ruin her life so yeah, steer


    clear of that Carrero. If I remember right she said he was a fighter, or Tyler did and I wonder if this is


    the cousin that Alexi sometimes trains with. I can see the appeal although he looks incredibly young.


    I¡¯m not into boys and college prep boy smiles. I like men with a little maturity and age, but he¡¯s a good


    match for Sophie. She has a young childish look about her and I can see how they gel. Barbie and Ken


    of the Hamptons.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡®Aww well done, always knew you would do well Sophs.¡¯¡¯ Mico sounds almost human.


    ¡®¡¯Thanks. How¡¯s Mandy? Are you still seeing her?¡¯¡¯ Sophie¡¯s sweet almost childlike voice is all sunshine


    and smiles, so unlike how she was when I knew her. She sounds happy and it makes my gut ache in


    envy. Peeking again, I can see her boy has his arm slung around her shoulder protectively and is


    holding her against him in a way that makes it clear this is the love of his life. He¡¯s handsome, in a less


    appealing way than Alexi, and strong. Looks like he would protect her to the death if he had to.


    I don¡¯t know what that must feel like. No one has ever loved me, not even my mother who was


    biologically built to love me. She used to scream in my face almost daily about how I ruined her life and


    drove her to drink and drugs. Every time she pounded a fist into my face in rage for something that


    upset her, she told me how it was my fault that she got mad andshed out, if only I would be good and


    stop angering her. I honestly do not know what love is supposed to feel like, and watching them now


    just makes me feel incredibly jealous and hostile because I know the reality is that I will never find out.


    Turning away and biting on my lip to curb the surge of emotion that wracks my heart and chest, trying


    to shake free these stupid emotions that Devil Carrero inflicted upon me and then I realise how close to


    the door I am. It¡¯s like being shaken to sense and suddenly I am very still and silent as my brain


    catches up with the program and I nce around to double check. Mico is talking, I can hear him, and


    he has his back to me, distracted with Sophie and her boyfriend.


    It¡¯s that little window I have been waiting for, an opportunity presenting itself, and I can¡¯t believe my


    luck. It literally just fell on me by chance and all thanks to Sophie. The girl really is great at saving my


    bacon.


    I rummage in my shoulder bag, pull out the cap without hesitation, knowing I need to take my chance


    before it¡¯s gone. I quickly roll my hair up to stuff inside as I pull it on my head. You have to be fast, take


    whatever chancese your way and always ready to go at the drop of a hat. ncing back to check


    that Mico is still upied I can see he¡¯s still not looking this way. I put my bag over my head to cross


    my body, so I won¡¯t drop it and take a long deep steady breath to calm my nerves.


    I¡¯m ready, I can do this. I need to just swallow and go. I close my eyes, count to five and then step


    away and head straight for the door. Adrenaline boosting and chest pounding.


    Don¡¯t look back, don¡¯t hesitate just open the door and leave. Just go. I walk as fast as I can, d the


    door has no sound when I open it and slide out into the street blinded by the sun. So quickly and jerky,


    my movements made in fear as it overtakes me. I cut left so I don¡¯t cross the window of the store, and


    as soon as I am out of view, I put my head down and run like the devil is on my arse.

 Chapter 45

    Chapter 45


    I literally feel like I have walked the streets of the Hamptons for days, alone and afraid, and yet it¡¯s only


    been hours. I have never felt so distraught and sick with regret in all my life. I have walked in circles


    and gone through a million doubts and emotions in the meantime, and feelpletely ravaged


    mentally.


    I got to the bus depot not long after I got away from Mico, and then lost my courage when I saw two


    boys who could have been Alexi¡¯s brothers at the terminal and realised I am in thend of Carrero.


    They all live and breathe around this part of the world, word would fly fast about wherever I was


    heading. I mean there are not many harlot redheads in this part and I stand out like a sore thumb.


    Five foot six, slender withrge breasts and a trim body, red hair, pouting red lips on a pretty attractive


    face and dressed head to foot in designer ck, figure-hugging tailoring and high-heeled boots. I am


    hardly easy to hide even with a mismatched baseball cap. I tried to track a flight out of here, but it¡¯s


    only a small private airport and getting a ne is like trying to get blood out of a stone. Alexi would


    trace my flight easily as they all pretty much go to JFK. From there I would then need to get another


    flight and risk hanging around in the city being trailed by CCTV.


    I know he has the means and I wouldn¡¯t put it past him to fly after me and make my life a living hell for


    running away. I literally have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide now reality and logic have set in and I


    realise how stupid this little adventure really was. His reach goes far beyond this city and this was the


    dumbest idea I¡¯ve had since sleeping with him.


    I¡¯m sat in a park, on a swing, and just staring at the ocean in the distance until it gets too dark to see


    much without the light of the streets. Hoping to find calm in the sea and the waves to still the crushing


    panicking beat of my heart and nerves. I don¡¯t know what to do, and the reality is I have no one,


    nowhere to go and nowhere to hide. Victim of my own designed circumstances. I have been alone my


    whole life, never had anyone to care or watch out for me ¡­ until him.


    The man I hate with a passion because he takes delight in my pain, and yet he¡¯s the first person who


    gave me a glimpse of what secure feels like. He gave me a home and a job and stopped other men


    from touching me; as fucked up as he is and how much of a controlling arsehole he can be, he¡¯s never


    touched me against my will either. I can¡¯t say that about any other man who ever came near me.


    Prick Alexi is the first man who actually gave me some sort of respect and responsibility, even if it was


    only running his club. I¡¯m already running from one monster that haunts my dreams and my life, makes


    me check behind me at every turn and watch over my shoulder in case he might be lurking. Running


    from Alexi will be so much worse.


    Rick was a small-time pimp with a violent personality and paedophilia tendencies. He hated to lose, but


    he never had the means to find me or the cash to follow me. Alexi has both, and the power to do so


    much more. I won¡¯t just be running from some evil narcissist with a bad temper and a hate at being


    fucked over by a little girl.


    I¡¯ll be running from a mob boss I still owe a shit load of money to, and he will not like that it makes him


    look bad. Being defied, disobeyed and made a fool of. His reputation will be on the line and he will


    make an example of me. It¡¯s so much worse and I was stupid to not think all this through first.


    I have to go back; I have to walk back to that house and beg Mico not to tell him because I am terrified


    of what he will do to me. If he goes apeshit over me picking my own dress I cannot even imagine what


    he will do to me knowing I ran away.


    It¡¯s a betrayal, even if he says he doesn¡¯t trust me, and in his eyes, he owns me. I just threw all that


    back in his face. No matter how much of a sadistic prick he is, he demands loyalty, and no matter what


    I feel, I owe it to him¡ªhe saved me more than once, and despite the emotional hell he inflicts upon me,


    he has sheltered me from a life that was killing me. He gave me a new start, a sense of purpose and


    something to be proud of, a job, home and responsibility.


    I¡¯m praying Mico has been looking and not told him for fear of repercussion; maybe if I get my arse into


    gear and go home I can make a deal with him to not let it go any further. I will literally let him fuck me to


    keep this secret from Alexi. I¡¯ll suck him as much as he wants and however many times just to keep


    this quiet.


    I left my phone at home this morning like I do every time I leave the house, so I couldn¡¯t be tracked,


    and now sitting here I realise I can¡¯t even pave the way and soften the return. Mico seems like the kind


    of guy who will give me a p, if not more. I haven¡¯t seen him push anyone around, but he has that


    violent vibe. Although, saying that, so does Alexi ,and yet he¡¯s never hit me and I know he never would.


    He just uses other means to hurt me.


    I know I have no choice in this at all. It¡¯s a clear-cut decision¡ªremorse and beg for forgiveness OR


    ultimate painful death. I get up and will myself to turn towards the road and head towards the direction


    of Alexi¡¯s house. It¡¯s about a thirty-minute walk or more, and if I don¡¯t go now I will end up sleeping out


    here and probably decide to throw myself in the ocean as it¡¯s a far better choice than any of the other


    options. I have zero courage and yet my legs start aiming homewards. If I can call it that.


    I¡¯m wracked with anxiety and terror, shivering because I am both cold and scared, and I paste on a


    determined look in a bid to convince myself that it¡¯s all going to be okay.


    Alexi won¡¯t just put a bullet in my head for running scared¡ªwill he?


    I stare at the unfamiliar sports cars in the drive, one dark te or ck and one a sort of dark navy,


    even in this darkness I can see they are not the same colour, although they are the same model. One


    is parked like it¡¯s been abandoned; half on the grass at an angle and something deep down is telling


    me this means something.


    Mico has a four by four, it¡¯s not here and neither is the other car some of his other goons use. Just two


    new sports cars, identical except in colour and my head keeps racing back and forth to two twins whoThis content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    are identical in every way¡ªexcept with different coloured eyes. Grey and blue.


    Fuck!


    I take a deep breath, count to ten and realise it will never be enough. I will never be ready to walk in


    that door if he¡¯s here.


    Crapping myself mercilessly and having to dig deep for an ounce of courage I have inside of me. I can¡¯t


    even think up a usible lie as there is nothing to exin my missing person for thest few hours. I


    literally legged it from Mico.


    Mico must have told him, he must havee and that has to be his car. It¡¯s way too expensive a sports


    car to be generally used by his suits, and I imagine being twins means the same taste in cars is


    usible. He did say Gino was close by and I brace myself for the inevitable.


    Be smart, think about this, he won¡¯t physically hit me or beat me. He might try to use sex again, but I


    won¡¯t let him. Not after thest time. I physically do not want him to touch me ever again and I think he


    has killed the power of seduction he had over me now, so it takes that out the window too.


    Tying me up? I have endured worse, and if that¡¯s the route he chooses then I¡¯ll numb myself out and


    make myself zone into another ce like I used to. I have the skills to survive so much more than Alexi


    Carrero. I have and will survive anything he can throw at me. I just have to have some self-belief and


    stop thinking my recent couple of years respite from this life has made me soft. I endured hell and have


    the internal scars to prove it.


    I can survive anything if I set my mind to it. I just need to find my courage and stop letting my fear of


    him drown it out. I need to stop goading him and fighting him, try to keep my head down and behave.


    Be a ¡®¡®Yes sir¡¯¡¯ woman like he wants. Stop giving him reason to do this to me.


    I jump when a car drives by in the street and realise standing out here is pointless, I need to just bite


    the bullet and go in before this gets any worse, and before one of his people in the house see me out


    here, standing like a terrified freak and contemting the end of my life. I take onest breath, eye up


    the abandoned ck car that looks like Alexi parking in a rage, chewing his ownwn up and giving no


    shits about it. Seems like something he would do.


    I take the steps up to the huge front door while my body aches to run in the opposite direction,


    swallowing down the lump of tightness in my throat and straining to breathe through a heavy chest. I


    am on the verge of an all-out panic attack. Faced with two huge wooden doors that are normally kept


    locked, they are all that stands between me and certain torture, except I didn¡¯t bring a key and I figure I


    should try the handle before I knock.


    Hand trembling visibly and I tense myself in a bid to make myself reach out and grab the cold metal


    knob. It¡¯s not locked and that just feels more like a sign that he is probably here.


    Shit!


    I open it and push it slowly to slide inside, blinking at the bright lights of the hall and dredging up


    courage from somewhere down in my toes to do this. White marble and cream walls blinding me after


    the darkness of outside as my eyes adjust to the modern interior. I don¡¯t get very far into the hall when


    a voice makes me jump ten feet in the air. My heart flips over, and that voice alone can make cold fear


    sweep my body in a nanosecond.


    ¡®¡¯Where the fuck were you?¡¯¡¯ Alexi shouts in a rage and a real one. Not that cold scary tone, but a very


    verbal angry tone, such as I have never heard. It¡¯s the worst sound ever, his growling, usatory and


    fury ridden voice makes me melt into a puddle of shaking jelly. Visibly recoiling into myself. I turn to the


    direction of the voice, seeing himing at me from the other room and I just freeze. My eyes wide


    and misting up.


    He¡¯s walking towards me at speed with a killer look in his eye that makes me doubt whether he would


    physically hit me, as Gino intervenes by walking in front of him and stops him with a palm on his chest.


    He murmurs something to him, two bookends in white shirts and ck trousers and even though a set


    of cold grey eyes under a furrowed brow are giving me the death re, he stays put, listening to his


    brother and just growls at me instead.


    That look could melt steel. He¡¯s like an animal waiting to be unleashed and I¡¯m the Sunday roast. His


    brother restraining him in a way, and even from here I can see the energy of rage bubbling under the


    surface and how badly he wants to beat me to within an inch of my life.

 Chapter 46

    Chapter 46


    I am rooted to the spot, paralysed and I literally start to tremble; that look never breaking, and he


    doesn¡¯t blink once.


    I can almost feel myself getting faint as my body gives way a little. Gino is talking at him, getting


    minimal response, but it¡¯s holding the beast at bay. Gino looks at me over his shoulder and I can see


    the tension, the air of concern that he knows he¡¯s only just marginally keeping Alexi under control and


    has doubts as to whether he can keep it up. He looks genuinely concerned, and it just fuels the wave of


    nausea which overpowers me.


    ¡®¡®Go upstairs, Cami ¡­ Now!¡¯¡¯ Gino snaps and I can almost see Alexi¡¯s muscles bulging and tensing


    with growing anger, hating me and barely keeping himself under control as I turn and hightail it upstairs.


    I get to the upper balcony and halt when I hear his tone and it makes my blood curdle.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m going to fucking kill her. No one runs from me.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds insane and it just adds new levels of


    terror to what I already feel. I sink down, my body suddenly weak, and I¡¯m unable to keep moving on


    my legs that have given up the game, clinging to the bannister in a bid to ground myself.


    ¡®¡¯Be smart ¡­ think about this and calm the fuck down.¡¯¡¯ Gino, I presume, as he sounds exactly the


    same, only not angry just indulgent and calmer. He sounds like someone who knows how to pacify the


    devil or at least try to.


    ¡®¡¯Calm down? She had the nerve to run Gino, which part of that don¡¯t you get? How this looks and what


    that means.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds volcanic and I have never seen or heard him lose his cool quite like this.


    This terrifies me more than that danger tone of his. This one is purely emotional and unbridled anger.


    ¡®¡¯Why did she run Alexi, huh? Because you are making her terrified. She¡¯s obviously afraid of you and


    whatever you did to make her run. You¡¯re only going to make it happen again if you go up there like


    this.¡¯¡¯


    Listen to your brother, he talks sense. I couldn¡¯t be any more afraid of him than I have be and this


    only fuels that fire. Gino has a very good point. I ran because of Alexi.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ll chain her to the fucking house.¡¯¡¯ He growls in response, and I curl up tightly on thending and try


    not to cry. Sliding my arms around my legs and rocking myself to try and stay calm while listening


    intently. I want to know my fate rather than sit and wait in my room for it toe to me, and judging by


    his tone and responses, I don¡¯t have much of a future left.


    ¡®¡®I brought her here to keep her safe and this is how she repays me!¡¯¡¯ I can make out footsteps pacing


    around, and I can almost imagine him like a caged animal, crazily walking the room to simmer that


    temper and keep his shit together. Although he¡¯s right, he did bring me here to keep me safe, yet the


    only person who is an actual danger to me is Alexi.


    ¡®¡®She came back, didn¡¯t she? She came to face you knowing what was waiting for her. You got to give it


    to her Alexi, she¡¯s got balls. For all that sweet face and vulnerable look, she¡¯s a gutsy one and


    obviously under your skin if this is anything to go by.¡¯¡¯ Gino sounds less intimidating than Alexi, a kinder


    tone to his voice but I still don¡¯t trust him, he¡¯s definitely one to watch. Devious should be the Carrero


    middle name.


    ¡®¡¯You don¡¯t know her like I do, it¡¯s all an act. She¡¯s a born maniptor and a whore.¡¯¡¯ It cuts more than it


    should, I don¡¯t know why but it does. It¡¯s not just that he thinks everything I do or say is gamey, but


    the fact he¡¯s calling me that when he doesn¡¯t even know what I was. That word has always been a


    huge trigger for me; I hate it and what it represents, what it means to be called that. I abhor it with every


    fibre of my being, and I start to silently well up with as much anger as fear over his use of something I


    despise.


    What would he call me if he knew all the tiny dirty details of my past?


    Tears break loose and pour down my cheeks, my heart aching even though it¡¯s for a dumb reason. I


    hate him, I never want him to touch me ever again yet it wounds me to hear him call me that. I didn¡¯t


    choose that path, I had to live with the hand I was dealt and survive while doing it.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    He has no idea what kind of strength and grit that takes. I was only a child, alone in a cruel world and


    instead of crumbling, just like so many kids who walked the same path, I thrived. wed some sort of


    existence, battled through hell and pain toe out the other side. He has no idea what sort of


    depravity and shit I have endured.


    ¡®¡¯You used to trust people you know? You used to see the good in people and give them a chance.¡¯¡¯


    Gino sounds saddened suddenly, and my ears perk up, stifling my sobs. Interest peeking through my


    anguish and any hints at more about Alexi is like a drug¡ªI need to know more about him. I am my own


    worst enemy when ites to him. No matter what he does, I have an affliction when ites to him.


    ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t start this bullshit again. I know this shit is why you keep trying to use her to get me to snap. I¡¯m


    wise to your attempts at it, Gino.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds mad again, his moods all over the ce, and yet I can¡¯t


    stop eavesdropping.


    ¡®¡¯Is it wrong to want my brother back?¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®I never went anywhere. It¡¯s all in your head. I am still your brother! I stille home for every family


    event like a good little kid and y the adoring Carrero, as expected. What more do you want from


    me?¡¯¡¯ Alexi is reverting to a cold tone and closing out emotion. I guess this is a subject he doesn¡¯t like,


    and I strain to listen through the railing some more, pushing my fear aside to just get snippets of the


    man. Leaning forward and straining as they move into the room and voices drop so it¡¯s harder to hear.


    ¡®¡®The thirteen-year-old who was like me. Before that day, before this life, the kid who used to do normal


    shit and behave like a normal human being sometimes. He would never have treated a girl like this.


    He¡¯s still in there somewhere, still lurking in the darkest shadows and I hate what stepping up in dad¡¯s


    shoes has done to you.¡¯¡¯


    Thirteen? Why is he being so age-specific?


    ¡®¡¯Gino, go home, this conversation is old and boring.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds icy and controlled. Gino¡¯s heading


    into dangerous territory and should leave Alexi alone, even I can tell from up here without evenying


    eyes on him. ¡®¡¯You think I don¡¯t see that¡¯s where it all went wrong. You didn¡¯t need to follow in dad¡¯s


    footsteps to forgive yourself for it. It affected all of us, and it was okay to not be okay.¡¯¡¯ Gino sounds


    emotional, his voice breaking, and I hold my breath, urging him to be more specific. It¡¯s too vague and I


    need details, craving information. Straining like crazy to hear and forget my own self-pity for a moment.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not doing this. This isn¡¯t a mask or a front¡ªthis is who I am. I don¡¯t pretend to be a cold bastard


    and not care ¡­ I AM a cold bastard who doesn¡¯t care.¡¯¡¯


    I can vouch for that.


    ¡®¡¯You care about your family, the ones who are blood, and if you can care about them then you can still


    care. You can care about her. It won¡¯t bring your kingdom crumbling down.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®What do you need Gino huh? You need me to tell you that it¡¯s okay and you can stop feeling guilty?


    Well you can. I shot him, not you. I pulled the trigger and killed him at point-nk range to protect both


    of you. She put a gun in my hand and I did what I needed to do to make sure all three of us got out of


    that car alive, it¡¯s not on you how I became or what life I chose thereafter, and it¡¯s not on you to feel


    guilty for it because I sure as hell don¡¯t.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds less manic and more controlled as he gets a grip


    on his own emotions and calms down.


    My head is racing with possibilities. From the mention of his mother, I know it has something to do with


    the situation with Santagato and I wonder if someone came after his mother when they were just young


    boys. Alexi shot their attacker, and from what it sounds like it changed his life for the worse.


    Oh Alexi, I wish I had known you before that. If you were thirteen, I would have been nine ¡­ Two


    children not yet fully touched by what wasing for them, and I wonder who we would have be


    had our lives taken another path.


    ¡®¡¯We were kids. Mom should have pulled the trigger herself to protect us, not you.¡¯¡¯ Gino sounds


    broken, like this still affects him deeply and there¡¯s a hint of something more when he mentions her,


    betrayal or me maybe. He clearly holds his mother responsible for Alexi.

 Chapter 47

    Chapter 47


    ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t do that, she wasn¡¯t part of that life, and she didn¡¯t have it in her to shoot anyone, she still


    couldn¡¯t¡ªso leave her out of this.¡¯¡¯ Alexi is warning him; and a hint that he loves his motheres


    through, a hint that he¡¯s capable of loving his family properly.


    I find that hard to digest, and also saddened that he can feel for people yet still can¡¯t for me. Gino


    mentioning the kingdom crumbling though? He thinks that kind of love will make him weak? Somehow


    affect who he is and how he does his job? It makes no sense to me.


    ¡®¡¯Still protecting her Lex, even after all this time? She failed you and turned you into this monster. You


    changed. Instead of dealing with the fallout, she pushed you towards dad and hushed you up about


    what you did, so she didn¡¯t have to admit it happened.¡¯¡¯ Gino sounds ready to cry and I cry instead,


    aching for a little boy who shot someone to protect his family and then got shunned for doing it. His


    mother saw the killer in him, and instead of being grateful, she made him feel ashamed for protecting


    those he loved. His own mother showed him women cannot love the monster he is. That women are


    not to be trusted in terms of letting them close. I hate that he¡¯s made me feelpassion but how


    could I not. He was a child, he was too young to be made to kill, just like I was too young to be raped


    and thrown into a world of sex and abuse.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck you, Gino, go home and stop trying to find what isn¡¯t there. This is me ¡­ This is who I am and


    who I was always meant to be. Dad just helped me find my way. Now, if you don¡¯t mind, I have a girl


    upstairs who needs to be reminded of who exactly I am and what happens when you fuck with me.¡¯¡¯


    That icy tone of control is back in ce, and I recoil in fear at that pulling back from the bannister and I


    get to my feet to crouch instead, ready to run, but I don¡¯t want to leave just yet. I want to hear all of this.


    Clinging onto thest words in case I miss a morsel of insight.


    ¡®¡¯Leave her alone Alexi, I¡¯m warning you. Don¡¯t cross that line, not with her. She means something,


    even I can tell that, and I don¡¯t believe she¡¯s lying when she looks at you. I think she¡¯s in love with you.¡¯¡¯


    How he could even know that is beyond me. I have tried so hard to just be indifferent when he¡¯s around


    me.


    Alexiughs; a blood-curdling nastyugh that makes every part of me wither inside, dying with every


    moment.


    ¡®¡®You have no clue ¡­ Cami, not even sure that¡¯s her name, is a born liar. You can¡¯t trust a single thing


    she does or says. She looks for a reaction and she pushes my buttons to test the boundaries. Don¡¯t


    think for a second she hasn¡¯t got her eye on a bigger prize, and is just biding her time to take off with


    the next billionaire who gives her an out. That this wasn¡¯t nned for whatever reason and whatever


    game she has in her head. She tried to seduce me within seconds of meeting me, Gino! Hardly a


    withering wall flower of vulnerable when she¡¯s giving me thee on to fuck her for her own ends. She


    throws tears and vulnerable around like a pro, you are way too soft to realise when a woman is a born


    yer and I won¡¯t fall for that shit.¡¯¡¯


    Alexi, you have no clue, and here I thought reading people and scenarios was your gift. Seems you are


    blinded by hatred when ites to me. Blinded by this idea that women are incapable of real deep


    feeling.


    Why wouldn¡¯t you doubt that? Your own mother taught you it was true. ¡®¡®Alexi ¡­ don¡¯t destroy what


    could be, you¡¯re wrong.¡¯¡¯ Gino warns pleadingly.


    ¡®¡¯I have no ce in me for love, especially not with someone like her. I wouldn¡¯t trust her with anything,


    let alone my heart. I sacrificed everything to be head of the family and I won¡¯t give it up for any


    woman.¡¯¡¯ It stings, breaks me, and even though I hate everything about him and what he does to me, it


    causes a pain so deep it feels like I can¡¯t breathe. I slump back down onto my arse and stifle another


    sob while breaking in two inside.


    ¡®¡®What are you going to do to her? Don¡¯t hurt her ¡­ You know as well as I do it goes against everything


    we were raised as.¡¯¡¯ Gino sounds wary, and I am crying silently and praying Alexi listens to him. I am


    dreading the moment hees up here and cannot imagine what depths of harm he will think up this


    time. He is sadistic as hell and can turn seemingly harmless acts into soul-destroying torture.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t hit women, I know the code and I follow the rules. It¡¯s been ingrained since we were born.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®You don¡¯t need to hit a woman to torture her ¡­ I know you, and you will do exactly that in your own


    way.¡¯¡¯ Gino obviously knows him well enough.


    ¡®¡®Why are you standing in front of her? What is she to you exactly, and why the hell do you care so


    much?¡¯¡® Alexi sounds dangerous, that hint of possession peeking through and I hold my breath and


    wait.


    Knowing that this is as close to jealous as he gets. That control and ownership are the same to him,


    and his rage over his toys is like that of a jealous lover.


    ¡®¡¯I think she¡¯s a girl whose been dealt a shitty life and tries to hide how badly she¡¯s suffering. I think


    she¡¯s a girl who needs someone like you to protect her, not to turn on her. She needs safety, not fear.


    She has a tough outer shell and walls because men have taught her to fear everyone Lex ¡­ She¡¯s


    alone. You could be the one that makes a difference if you just learn to trust her.¡¯¡¯


    Gino ¡­ ¡­ I have no words.


    ¡®¡¯Alessandra has made you soft Gino. You watch too many romance movies with her and she has you


    thinking like a woman. Go home and let me deal with my business my way ¡­ my woman, my


    problem.¡¯¡¯ There¡¯s a scuffing noise and I get up, poised to run to my room in anticipation like a scared


    animal, ready to jump, and yet I halt with another voice.


    ¡®¡¯He¡¯s right Alexi ¡­ She ran because she¡¯s scared. If you punish her for this she will run again, further


    and faster. I doubt she wille back of her own free will next time.¡¯¡¯ I recognise Mico¡¯s voice and


    nch. He has never seemed to like me or pay attention to me, and apart from being Alexi¡¯s cousin, he


    doesn¡¯t know me at all. I don¡¯t get why they are intervening unless they know exactly what Alexi is


    going to do to me, and they are protecting him from going too far.


    This thought makes me pale and I can¡¯t take it anymore. I get back up from my position on thending


    looking over the stair case and silently tip toe to my room, pulling off my bag and quietly shut the door.


    Pacing to the bed and wander in a circle trying to figure out what to do. My heart racing, my blood


    pumping fast, my palms are mmy and sweaty with sheer nerves. I seriously contemte climbing


    out the window and making a second attempt to run for it.


    I know he¡¯sing, no matter what they say or do to try and stop him. He won¡¯t let this lie, won¡¯t let this


    go. Alexi can¡¯t afford to not make an example of me; if this got out and he¡¯s beenx, then it sends a


    message to everyone. His position is everything to him. He just made that painfully clear.


    I am petrified, sitting on the edge of the bed and I kick my shoes off to pull my feet up and curl up tight


    to make myself small. I always felt more able to cope when I sat this way, somehow soothing myself.


    Running again is futile. I will just enrage the beast to inflict even worse damage when he caught me,


    and I know damn well he would.


    I jump when I hear noise in the hall and impulsively leap off the bed and head for the far wall to get as


    far from him as possible; tensing, my ears fully zoned in on the outer noises and everything in me goes


    to full alert. My door bursts open with vengeance and I swear I shit a brick and then some as an anger


    fuelled Carrero storms into my room and does a full head swipe to see where I am.


    He looks murderous, extremely hostile and from here I can see every muscle in his body brimming and


    bulging with the tension he¡¯s holding himself with. I back up against the wall until I feel it right behind


    my back, barely able to breathe but trying to hold my shit together as he stalks towards me and closes


    the gap between us. I have nowhere to hide and the death ray pration of that grey re sters


    me to the wall, so I stop moving or breathing and start praying instead.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m sorry.¡¯¡¯ Ites out fast and feeble as he gets to me and I almost choke, jumping in rm when


    he ms both palms at the wall on either side of my head, the loud thud making my heart jump out of


    my chest. His face fierce and eyes almost ck with the depth of dark in them that makes him even


    more terrifying. He leans in almost nose to nose and tenses his jaw so tightly it squares offpletely.


    ¡®¡®I should beat the shit out of you.¡¯¡¯ He snarls at me, his voice filled with venom and tears prick my eyes,


    my body shaking so badly I can feel my teeth chattering. I am trying so hard to keep my emotions


    under wraps but I can feel my face breaking, tears welling as I start to fall apart.


    ¡®¡¯I won¡¯t do it again.¡¯¡¯ My voice is trembling, quiet andpletely hoarse. ¡®¡¯You won¡¯t get the chance.


    You¡¯reing back with me and if you step out of line even once, I swear I will end you.¡¯¡¯ Alexi isn¡¯t


    ying around, and as a tear rolls down my cheek I can tell that he means every word. I have no idea


    what he will do to me for this and I just wish it was over already.


    ¡®¡¯I thought you wanted me out of the city?¡¯¡¯ I blurt out, hoping that if I keep him talking then this won¡¯t go


    beyond being growled at aggressively.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯ve taken care of it! I swear I should turn you over and remind you who is fucking boss in this


    rtionship.¡¯¡¯


    I shrink back and slide down the wall a little as my body gives out on me, waning with full body fear. I


    shake my head, almost begging him not to do that to me again as he just stares pensively for a long


    moment before carrying on.


    ¡®¡®You cane back ¡­ Blend in as just another no one. If you don¡¯t want me to punish you, then don¡¯t


    give me reason to do so. You get one pass and NEVER again. Keep your head down and stay out of


    my way.¡¯¡¯ He still looks deranged but my head''s swimming with hisxness, his verbal rity that he


    isn¡¯t going to do anything to me and this new information. I need to know where I am going to end up.


    ¡®¡®How? I mean ¡­ Okay.¡¯¡¯ I have no words. Part of me relieved he isn¡¯t escting this but a part of me


    knows that means nothing as he¡¯s a guy who can simmer on rage until he thinks up the perfect


    revenge, and it just means he could be dying it for something epic.


    I feel faint, ready topletely keel over, with shallow breaths and a swimming head and I just blink up


    at him in wide-eyed terror.


    ¡®¡¯Santagato thinks I¡¯m just possessive of all my toys now that I have more than one in the club ¡­ You


    won¡¯t be something he wants anymore.¡¯¡¯ That makes me blink, frowning instead of fear as I try to


    decipher what he means.


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    ¡®¡¯What? What do you mean you have more than one?¡¯¡¯ My heart flips over with that unfamiliar pang of


    pain and I forget my fear when faced with it. A new emotion stepping to the te and it¡¯s like it makes


    me forget why I should be cowering before him.

 Chapter 48

    Chapter 48


    My tears drying up when my brain moves to curiosity instead, and the smirk I see tugging at his face


    tells me I am not going to like the answer.


    ¡®¡¯I reced you. Well, added to you, so when youe back, Joanne ¡­ My new girl is your co-


    hostess. Santagato is taken with her and as I rebuffed him on her too he thinks I¡¯m just a possessive


    fuck. You¡¯re not in his sights anymore, especially with your absence and my screwing Joanne a little


    publicly in the VIP lounge. It means he just thinks I don¡¯t share my girls at all.¡¯¡¯ Alexi seemspletely


    deadpan now with a tiny smug look in his eye as Ipletely churn around inside, my heart wrenching.


    I literally feel sick as tears sting, but I blink them away and swallow them all down hard.


    Hating him more, wounded with the thought that he has slept with someone since he touched me. I


    know it¡¯s stupid, and he¡¯s been screwing women all along, but I don¡¯t know, I thought maybe I was


    under his skin enough that it had to count for something. I don¡¯t want anyone else, not since him and I


    hate the fact he¡¯s touched someone else even though he¡¯s not mine. I didn¡¯t think he could inflict more


    pain on me, and yet he proves me wrong all over again.


    I want him to go away from me, not touch me or even attempt it. He¡¯s dirty and tarred with the touch of


    another skank, and he can go fuck himself for all I care.


    ¡®¡¯Is she going to cohabit in the apartment too, like a cosy little threesome?¡¯¡¯ I snap at him finding my fire


    now I¡¯m fuelled on heartbreak, and Alexi looks taken aback by my change in demeanour, my sass


    prickling out to face the shitheadpletely head on, and I clench my teeth with added venom. He just


    smirks at me with sardonic amusement.


    ¡®¡¯Now there¡¯s a thought, but no ¡­ She¡¯s currently sharing my bed for now and she¡¯s got her own ce


    to stay. Something you should think about looking for.¡¯¡¯


    Now that is something that makes me give him a ¡®¡¯what the fuck¡¯¡¯ look of utter shock. I physically nch


    and cannot conceal the questioning gawp at the man who refused to let me leave and is now turning


    me out.


    ¡®¡®Now I can move out? Now you have some other tramp tending to your sadistic needs.¡¯¡¯ I shove him


    back, getting back to my feet, anger brimming and being stupidly reckless, but my rage is burning


    through me at a rate of knots and I want to stab him with something, anything sharp I can find. He


    knows how to fuck with my head and my heart, and I literally despise him at this moment.


    ¡®¡®She¡¯s a much better fuck than you ever were, and she happens to like getting banged from behind,


    while being cuffed to my bed.¡¯¡¯ He scowls through an evil smile. Wrenching my heart through my chest


    and stomping all over it so much that I reach out and I p him hard across the face without thought. It


    literally feels like the world just stops turning as the realisation of what I just did reverbs through me and


    my stinging hand drops to my side. I just stop breathing and curse myself inwardly for this impulsive


    idiotic reaction to this man.


    If my first p that night in his apartment felt momentous then this just topped that in fury, strength and


    skill, as a darkening red hand appears on Alexi''s face and I just palepletely. So much for keeping


    my head down and bing a ¡®¡®Yes sir.¡¯¡¯


    What the hell Cami? It just feels like everything falls silent around us, and he breaks into the cruellest


    smile I have ever seen.


    ¡®¡¯ssy. I told you once that you should keep your hands to yourself. I may not hit you but doesn¡¯t


    mean I won¡¯t let someone else teach you a little respect.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds devilish. If you looked up evil in


    the dictionary there would be a picture of him next to the word instead of a description. I don¡¯t react as


    I¡¯m in two minds about whether he would let someone else hurt me in ways he refuses too, and


    seriously do not know the answer to that.


    When ites to him I have no idea. He thinks he can keep hurting me but I give up caring anymore.


    It¡¯s all too much, too big and too consuming and I can¡¯t keep doing this. I can¡¯t fear everything about


    him forever. He¡¯s going to do what he¡¯s going to do regardless. I can¡¯t just back down and take it like all


    the other women he fucks, it¡¯s not in me to put my head down and just take it anymore. I took it all for


    the years that I was a prisoner, and I won¡¯t go back to that for anyone, not even him. I won¡¯t allow


    another monster to keep me shackled and obedient while putting me through the depths of hell and


    torment. I will go down fighting all the way.


    ¡®¡®Do your worst, I don¡¯t care about anything you do to me anymore, bring it on and see if I give a shit.¡¯¡¯ I


    stand my ground, faced with evidence of my p on his cheek, and yet he seemspletely oblivious.


    It must have hurt like hell as my hand feels like it¡¯s swelling to double the size and burning in


    excruciating pain.


    Alexi stands a little taller, pushing off from the wall to tower over me in all his glory. His eyes locked on


    me in a silent battle and that face of his returning to unreadable. It¡¯s like a stand-off and I can almost


    imagine the line in the dust between us.


    ¡®¡¯You haven¡¯t even begun to see my worst, London.¡¯¡¯


    I just re right back at him, trembling on my bare, feet but refusing to back down and show it this time.


    I hate that I don¡¯t even doubt that statement.


    I don¡¯t know what to think about Alexi and his punishments anymore. Nothing has happened, and I am


    on edge every second waiting for it.


    After he came to my room he just left, silently, confidently, calmly and looking smug as fuck. Knowing


    how much he got to me and revealing another tool in his arsenal.


    Jealousy and heartache, he knows it too. I put my heart on my sleeve without meaning too and showed


    him another woman could burn me. Biggest idiot move, EVER.


    Long after Alexi walked out, Mico came up and told me to pack for the next morning. He said that we


    were going back to the city and back to the club. It was a weird moment and I swear it was almost like


    he was checking on me and evaluating the damage when he walked in. I wondered if he thought his


    cousin had roughed me up, and the look of relief was evident when he found me sane and sat on my


    bed contemting some bitch named Joanne who thinks she can take over my ce.


    Mico is the one throwing me my orders nowadays. It¡¯s like Alexi can¡¯t even bring himself to talk to me


    anymore and in a way, I feel relieved. He¡¯s avoiding me, giving me the silent treatment, and pretty


    much acting like I am invisible.


    It was the quietest ne trip and car journey back, but now we¡¯re at the club and morning is brimming


    with new light. I can see he never even slept herest night. The tell-tale signs and made bed before


    the cleaners havee up here say it all, and my stomach is aching with the possibility he probably


    slept in any number of the boudoirs on the second floor with his new squeeze.


    Part of me is confused why he hasn¡¯t paraded her in here and fucked her openly in his room while I am


    made to endure it. That¡¯s his style and I know he will have thought about using it. I guess he¡¯s biding


    his time for something more epic, seeing as I didn¡¯t just run from him, I also hit him too.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    Alexi is simmering, that clever brain of his is working out something appropriate for the crime, and not


    for the first time, I regret not following through with my running away n when I had the chance.


    I admire myself in the mirror for onest time. I¡¯m wearing a new dress that I bought in a boutique in the


    Hamptons, it''s long past my knee and figure-hugging everywhere. Capped sleeves and modest


    neckline yet it''s crazily sexy and makes me look killer. It is pale coloured cream faux suede with serious


    body contouring going on, and I finish it with a narrow ck belt at my waist to entuate my curves,


    ck patent stilettos to look ssy and make my legs look divine. It makes my slim frame more


    elongated and I look taller than my normally crappy height of five feet six.


    My goal is to dress to impress, return to that persona I spent years perfecting and act like I no longer


    care or can be affected by him. I am the queen of hiding my feelings and acting like a cold bitch, and


    it¡¯s time I got back on track and did just that. He won¡¯t see me broken and wounded, he will see me


    manicured, sexy as hell and not giving a shit about him anymore.


    I always loved dressing up and looking elegant, never favoured the trashier styles and revealing


    clothes if I didn¡¯t have to. I prefer subtle hints of sexy that drive a man¡¯s mind wild, as it gives you more


    edge than putting all the goods out on show for everyone to sample. My hair''s down and sleek as I had


    my colour retouched at my upper-ss getaway, in a salon I used to use there, so it¡¯s on fire and


    looking radiantly gorgeous. Makeup wless and I have painted my talons ck to match my mood. I¡¯m


    in no frame of mind to take Alexi on today, but I look like I am and it might give me some of my self-


    confidence back that he is slowly chipping away every single day.


    I put on my favoured mask of brave, sassy and indifferent then head downstairs in search of breakfast


    and something to upy my day. It¡¯s almost noon, my body clock still in time with the bar closing at


    four so this is my early morning.


    We keep food in the apartment. Alexi has gourmet meals stocked in there weekly, but I have no desire


    to wait around heating one up and the bar staff do a mean grilled cheese that I can¡¯t resist. I just need


    different scenery than the inside of that dark space and interact with some normal non-sadistic humans


    for a little while.


    It is times like this I see the drawback in never allowing myself to have friends or allies. Always alone,


    always having to upy myself and left with my own inner thoughts, overthinking when I could be


    talking to another human or sharing my woes. It¡¯s the first time in my life I actually feel a little pang for


    just one real friend, someone else to lighten the burdens I carry.


    I wander down to the ground floor, bypassing the office where he will be if he is still here.

 Chapter 49

    Chapter 49


    I don¡¯t know what his business entails when he¡¯s not and I would rather never find out, to be honest.


    Seeing glimpses of some of the men he deals with and knowing he never has his phone away from him


    at all hours, day or night, has given me a rough idea that his empire and responsibilities are huge.


    He carries a lot while still maintaining a dominant stance and unbreakable demeanour to his enemies


    all around, while they y nice to his face. No wonder he is such a psycho.


    I wouldn¡¯tst five minutes doing what he does; it¡¯s why he¡¯s so good at maniption and coercing


    people and situations. I can see why he is what he is, but it doesn¡¯t make me forgive him in any way or


    swallow it any better. He¡¯s cold because he is immune to suffering and death. He has probably killed


    his fair share of people in thest neen years since he first pulled that trigger, and I don¡¯t doubt with


    every single one he lost a little bit of his humanity.


    I could never do it, never pull a trigger and take a life no matter how much I hate some people. It¡¯s not


    in me and I don¡¯t think I could live with the images ying in my head after.


    He keeps people at a distance, except his blood of course, they are all close-knit andpact as one


    fluid unit. That much was obvious in the interaction with Mico and Arrick. The Carreros are a family who


    stay close, trust one another and have each other¡¯s back. He cares about them, they care about each


    other and if you are lucky enough to be one of his family, like Sophie, then he makes sure nothing ever


    happens to you.


    Alexi moves mountains for the people he loves, and despite his cold bastard nature, I think he does


    and is capable of love. He knows how to care and nurture he just chooses not to. Not when ites to


    women he fucks anyway.


    That kind of love is something he is not open to at all. Alexi is a protector for the ones he allows himself


    to care for, and I am just an outsider looking in who never even scraped the surface of his armour. It¡¯s


    depressing knowing no matter what I try and tell myself, he doesn¡¯t care about me even a little bit.


    ¡®¡¯Good, you¡¯re up. Here.¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice from behind startles me and I jump as I turn to him and try to


    regain myposure fast, to not show he¡¯s rattled me. I wasn¡¯t expecting him to break the silent


    treatment so soon. He lookspletely deadpan this morning, no hint of anything under the surface


    just cool, controlled and groomed to perfection in a light shirt and chinos. He holds out a clipboard to


    me and I take it gracefully, eyes scanning the first page which is a list of tonight¡¯s guests.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    Trying to ignore my physical reaction and keep myself together. Trying not to show him he makes me


    jumpy, nervy and just fall to bits when he gets too close. It¡¯s like his presence makes me forget


    everything else and we seem to just start from the here and now. It¡¯s creepy and uncanny, I am not


    sure I like the ability to sweep it all away and act like mature adults in the new light of day. Not after all


    he has done.


    I tip my chin down and scan the paperwork in a bid to drive my mind on something non-Alexi.


    ¡®¡®Only fifteen?¡¯¡¯ I query, confused by the drop in booked rooms tonight when the club has been packed


    full since opening. One thing which will always take precedence over my fragile emotions, over him¡ª


    the running of MY club. It¡¯s my baby and I dislike it when someone else changes something to make it


    run differently to how I do it.


    I created this ce, tweaked it and caressed it beautifully into the pristine power pce it is ¡­ no one


    gets to fuck with that. I missed this ce like crazy when he sent me away and it¡¯s the one ce I feel


    at home.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s intentional. I made Joanne keep the numbers low, so we can give certain guests more options and


    more attention.¡¯¡¯


    Joanne ¡­ I don¡¯t even want to open that little jar of poison just yet. I have yet to see the bitch he has


    put in my ce in both this club and his bed. I try to focus on what I have in my hand but my heart is


    hammering and twisting itself inside out in pain.


    Don¡¯t let him get to you Cami, he knows exactly what he¡¯s doing.


    ¡®¡¯So which ones? So I can make sure their demands are met and their girls are extra attentive.¡¯¡¯ I purr at


    him, my fa?ade firmly in ce, making sure I show no interest at his mention of her. Or the fact I am


    internally brewing a storm at how he has changed the rota and the ns without consulting me first.


    My club, my rota, my way of doing things!!!


    ¡®¡®Number six on the list, Mercurio ¡­ He¡¯s important and demanding. Multiple girls, a constant flow of


    booze and product, and he likes to bring his closest to shadow him. His party is four men so that


    bumps up the numbers.¡¯¡¯ I scan the list and see a Robert Mercurio tagged as CEO of some business


    name that rings a bell. I think it¡¯s something to do with shipping containers and I wonder if this is who


    helps him get his weapons around.


    ¡®¡®Check. Multiple girls, food, booze, blow all night and extra special sucking up to him and his minions.¡¯¡¯


    I make a mental note to scan the member profiles and memorise his face for arrival, so I can greet him


    myself. The personal touch is always a good angle for ego brushing.


    ¡®¡¯Last two on the list, no girls and no blow ¡­ just booze and royalty treatment. Put them in the upstairs


    VIP lounge and close it off so no one can stray up there without an ess card. They want privacy.¡¯¡¯


    Alexi is in all business approach and I can handle him when he¡¯s like this. Focused, emotionally stable


    andpletely disinterested in me. ¡®¡¯Carreros?¡¯¡¯ I catch thest two names and blink up at him in


    surprise.


    ¡®¡®My father and uncle, they¡¯reing by to see what I have built here. I trust their counsel and I respect


    their opinions, both still have a hand in our family¡¯s responsibilities so I want them treated as such.


    They are meeting some business acquaintances that are booked in here, so mostly I want them left


    alone.¡¯¡¯


    I look back at the list, Giovanni and Dimitri and I nod,pletely intrigued that I am about to meet two


    of his peers who are not only important to him but direct blood links. His father, the man who moulded


    him, and I have heard Giovanni mentioned by Mico before, the uncle who ys a silent role but is still


    very much embroiled. Interesting.


    ¡®¡¯But no girls?¡¯¡¯ I repeat to be sure.


    ¡®¡®No. No girls.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯Boys?¡¯¡¯ I wink mischievously, despite my reservations around him and I smile naughtily, dropping it


    when I see the furious re thrown my way. Alexi is okay with gay, but it seems not when daddy and


    uncle are the centre of the joke.


    I clear my throat and look away from the intensity of those greys trying to impale me and lose my


    inkling of jest. Reminding myself that an anally retentive psycho stands before me.


    ¡®¡®No boys. No drugs. They don¡¯t partake, just treat them like they matter more than anyone else in here


    tonight, and you won¡¯t piss me off.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®I didn¡¯t think that was possible.¡¯¡¯ I joke sarcastically, mouth over brain and then sigh at myself for this


    inability to just stop trying to get a rise out of him. I lose my bravado, face paling as I catch yet another


    unimpressed look thrown at me and go back to my list. So much for wearing my mask of sassy and


    indifference. Like all my bestid ns ¡­ they go to shit when faced with him.


    ¡®¡®Any kink requests that I need to cover?¡¯¡¯ I go back to flicking the papers, diverting his rage and note


    it¡¯s mostly invoices for deliveries due today and some little hints on client requests ¡­ Caviar and


    oysters for room fifteen.


    For the love of God, sometimes this feels like a hotel and not a brothel of sorts.


    ¡®¡¯Taylor ¡­ room four. He¡¯s bringing some of his own whores tonight, so whatever he does to them in his


    own room, as long as they are not ours then do not intervene. Brief security, he wasn¡¯t impressed with


    our safe word policy and the limits on what he can do to the girls and this is thepromise.¡¯¡¯ Alexi


    actually sounds annoyed at that, strangely.


    ¡®¡¯Why can¡¯t he just do that shit in his own club if he wants to torture women, instead of leaving his mess


    here for us to clean up?¡¯¡¯ I bite, unusually piqued with sudden anger.

 Chapter 50

    Chapter 50


    It¡¯s not like me to give a shit where someone else is concerned as long as I get paid, yet it hits a nerve


    and Alexi sees it too. ¡®¡®Watch it, London, soon you¡¯ll be burning your bra and making poster boards.


    You might have to rethink thepany you keep and where you work.¡¯¡¯ Sarcasm at its finest and I just


    exhale heavily at him.


    ¡®¡¯Anything else?¡¯¡¯ I gloss over it, not willing to be picked apart or give him more fuel for the fire he


    started under me. I¡¯m in no mood to fight with someone who doesn¡¯t let you win, EVER.


    ¡®¡®Room seven. We ordered a specific brand of champagne for it, make sure it¡¯s the only room served


    with it and keep it topped up. Five grand a pop, so keep it''s exclusive and bill him on top of his member


    rates for what he consumes. He¡¯s also bringing a guest.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®Okay, so we have fifteen members and five male guests, twenty-five girls on the floor and however


    many four is bringing to y with himself. I¡¯ll call in a few reserves to bump up the number of women


    avable and make sure every man has his choice of multiples. Servers will be picked ordingly for


    your family to make sure I send up the most efficient.¡¯¡¯ I rattle it off like a checklist and Alexi looks


    pleased.


    ¡®¡®For everything you are, London, I never regretted making you the hostess of my club. Efficient and


    beautiful, a perfect little package. You look nice today, just make sure you keep your distance and


    watch Santagato tonight. He¡¯s booked in too, let Joanne deal with him as she has the skill in which you


    lack.¡¯¡¯ He raises that arrogant brow at me and I literally have to w myself inside out to not react. So


    many veiled digs in such a short statement after softening me with apliment.


    He never fucking changes.


    Fucking wanker!


    ¡®¡¯Am I going to meet mypetition any time soon?¡¯¡¯ I sound bitter, stupidly so, and I can¡¯t help the bite


    of tears that hit me. I swear this crying thing is getting ridiculous.


    ¡®¡®Soon. I¡¯m taking her with me for a lunch date, I need an escort.¡¯¡¯ He seems to smile through his words


    as his eyes bore into me with intensity, picking me apart and looking for that reaction. It¡¯s like the


    deathly blow to my soul. I swallow hard, trying to curb the shooting pain of bitter jealousy, and he just


    looks satisfied at my subtle reaction, testing out his new weapon I guess. Seeing if my reaction at the


    house was a one-off.


    ¡®¡¯Have fun.¡¯¡¯ I practically choke the words out and turn on my heel to get the fuck away from him before


    I start bawling like a child. He knows how to wound me and I hate him for it. If ever I found moments of


    weakness concerning him, forgetting what a bastard he is for a stupid insane second, then I can be rest


    assured he will always find ways to keep reminding me.


    * * *


    I don¡¯t meet the imposter until the club is starting to fill up.


    Music filling every dark nook and men filing in with wandering hands and smarmy smiles. I¡¯ll give


    Carrero his due, his club is never empty and his client list grows still.


    Give a man his basic carnal needs and you own him. All these rich powerful suits and here they are,


    wagging their tails like puppy dogs because Alexi lets them unwind, let loose and practice their


    perversions with minimal restraint. The club has its skill where secrecy is concerned, and these men


    have faith in the Carrero ability to keep it under the cover of darkness and hidden from the outside


    world.


    He is the king of the party and not one guest since we opened has had a bad night or a bad trip on his


    grade ¡®¡¯A¡¯¡¯ product he keeps dishing out. From what I hear his sales in his magical white powder has


    quadrupled as his members get a little bit adoring for it outside of their visits.? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    Tall and narrow, nestled in a row of other run down and some derelict buildings, it¡¯s obvious he chose


    this with the idea of making it inconspicuous and easy to bypass. From the outside, he has made this


    building look closed off and unused. cked out and sealed with no signage or anything that would


    suggest its interior purpose and in a back alley with only two entrances, both heavily guarded, and you


    have no way of getting in without an ess card or pin. It is soundproofed to the hilt, so you can be


    standing outside while the music res and you will hear nothing. It¡¯s like an alternate secret universe


    nestled so innocently in the poorer streets of New York. He even runs a car service to pick up and


    deposit his patrons, so no vehicles sit outside bringing attention to the building. He really did n this


    down to every little minute detail.


    Standing in the midst of the room as it starts to warm up, Alexi appears with a tall brte in tow by the


    side door he tends to use so his car can be kept nearby. Only staff can use that door as it¡¯s essed


    from almost behind the club, and a necessary fire exit should we need it.


    I try not to feel anything, pushing it all down as she wanders in, holding onto his arm like a fucking


    queen.


    I don¡¯t think he is a man who wants to share his crown and she should pipe down before he puts her in


    her ce publicly. Tall, slender, I would put her at five feet Seven or thereabouts and dressed well.


    Long waving hair tucked over one shoulder, and I can almost immediately tell this one has been a


    career Tom.


    A girl who went into escorting for the money and the sex, like a hobbyist. She makes it her life¡¯s goal to


    excel at it; she¡¯s me but without the scars, which ultimately gives her an edge, she¡¯s probably always


    controlled who, when and where and likes to get adventurous. I have met many Toms like her over the


    years. The ones who enjoy it, live for it and love the money it makes them. Nearly all of them came


    from stable childhoods and made this a career decision to satisfy a craving for expensive things and


    nymphomaniac tendencies.


    It was a girl like this who taught me that embracing and enjoying sex takes away some of the power


    they have over you. Back when I tried to form a bond with anyone who could show me a little affection.


    Catania never wanted to be my friend, but she did feel sorry for me.


    I was thirteen, immersed in a seedy and dirty world of control and pain, and she tried to give me


    pointers to help myself rather than intervene and help me escape. It wasn¡¯t in her interest to get


    invested in some scrawny little kid crying out for someone to see her. She told me to learn from it, use it


    and embrace what it could do for me.


    Men can be controlled by their desires and an aplished seducer can lift herself above the rest.


    She helped me realise that I could control how much it damaged me, and that gave me the strength to


    survive and turn it all around. She saved my sanity without even knowing she did.


    Looking at Joanne, I can see a born seductress who does just that, and she¡¯s almost draped over Alexi


    like she owns him. I hate her already.


    ¡®¡®London ¡­ Joanne.¡¯¡¯ Alexies level as I ster on the smile I greet our patrons with. Fake, oozing


    charm and yet inwardly wanting to stab the little wench a dozen times in the face with my shoe. I hate


    that he used that fucking pet name to introduce me to his new skank.


    ¡®¡¯Pleasured.¡¯¡¯ I smile smoothly as Alexi removes her from his side. She eyes me up and takes my


    outstretched hand to shake it loosely.


    Cold hands, a sign of fear, a weak handshake and I can tell she¡¯s just all act. Learning to read shit like


    this has always given me an edge. She is not all that the first impressions imply; there¡¯s an awful lot of


    fakery and y-acting on her part and I double take her with closer scrutiny.


    Up close she doesn¡¯t seem to have a whole lot of smarts going on, it¡¯s hard to exin but I can usually


    tell from a set of eyes at how bright someone is, and she has dumb bitch stamped all over her. Her


    designer dress that impressed at a distance is also fake. I know knockoffs when I see them and despite


    it being a good fake, it¡¯s nevertheless a copy.


    ¡®¡¯So, you¡¯re my back up.¡¯¡¯ She smiles sarcastically, and I raise a brow andugh at her withplete


    amusement. Alexi raises a brow at my reaction, watching with that quick eye and calcting mind. I


    think he expected me to break like a weeping heartbroken little girl as he is so used to seeing me that


    waytely and it only makes me more determined to be the girl he first met when he walked into this


    club months ago.


    ¡®¡®I think you mean alternate, for nights I am too busy to take over and have better things to do.¡¯¡¯ I lift my


    chin and make a point of bringing my height up, even if she stands over me on equally high shoes.


    Alexi seems to be silently observing with that damned smirk in ce and just clicks his fingers at a


    passing server for a drink.


    Arsehole!


    Enjoying the show as his two cats fight over their territory.

 Chapter 51

    Chapter 51


    Well, I have ws, and I am not against pissing on another feline! ¡®¡¯Well, whatever. I am going to enjoy


    watching you work the floor tonight after having it all to myself for a week, taking notes on what not to


    do.¡¯¡¯ The catty tone and narrowed eyes rile the bitch in me, and somehow, even with him watching on


    and finding this entertaining, I let my fire spike.


    If he brought her over here to push me and hurt me, he can go take a dive off a cliff.


    ¡®¡¯Bringing in a stand-in when we have a lover¡¯s tiff to run the club I helped build is not an achievement.


    You¡¯re a pawn in the great Alexi¡¯s mind games, and it¡¯s obvious by your level of insults that he will grind


    you to dust in a matter of days. Good luck sweetheart. You don¡¯t know what¡¯sing at you, and if


    you¡¯re still standing here looking as good as this in six or seven months'' time, then I might be


    impressed and consider you a worthy opponent. Right now, however, I see puppy chow sitting waiting


    while the wolf works up an appetite.¡¯¡¯ I don¡¯t care what he thinks of my little statement, I¡¯m not letting


    some arse-faced cow with too much lippy and squint eyeliner trod me underfoot. I may not have the


    skill to put him in his ce, but street bitch is my forte.


    She looks warily at him for some sort of permission, maybe reassurance, and shows a little hint of


    weakness in her armour. She is watching to see if it pissed him off and how she should proceed.


    Another ¡®¡¯Yes sir¡¯¡¯ woman, yet the difference is ¡­ I don¡¯t care if it pisses him off, and I don¡¯t need his


    permission to stand and fight my own battles. I never did.


    He is quick enough to point it out when I should shut up and as he¡¯s silently smirking, I guess he is


    finding me amusing with my strain of sass. She has no back up in Alexi, she has her own wit, sass and


    venom to take care of things, and it seems to be absent when faced with me.


    Alexi likes people to take care of their own shit and not rely on him for this kind of immature crap. She


    won¡¯tst ten minutes in his world.


    She blinks at me and lifts her chin without the presence of confidence to back it up and just makes a


    face that says ¡®¡®whatever¡¯¡¯. Completely at a loss with a response.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sorry. Did you think you were special and he doesn¡¯t fuck all of us? Clearly delusional. Alexi


    doesn¡¯t have favourites, he has toys and vours of the week. His redhead is in the dog house for


    being a naughty girl, and this is his attempt at disciplining her to behave. Have fun Dahlings, I have a


    club to run, so cheerio.¡¯¡¯ I push past them without a nce, although I do trail a hand across his cor


    and over his chest as I go in a rather sensual way. To make it clear to her that I have done more than


    touch the great Alexi.


    He doesn¡¯t do a thing.


    I leave her standing to gawp after me and wiggle my arse with every ounce of attitude I have, my


    clipboard underarm with tonight¡¯s details and things I need to keep an eye on and just strut myself to


    the bar and order myself a straight vodka on ice.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    What I said is true, but it doesn¡¯t make it bite me any less. I hate that he can hurt me with another


    woman, and I hate that I exposed it to him in a bid to stamp that cow down, but she¡¯s standing like a


    scorned child, so I guess it was worth it. Knocking her grandeur down a little is a great thing. Gives me


    a little mood boost for ten minutes anyway.


    I have another enemy tonight and a whole new war. If that bitch thinks she¡¯s moving in on my path and


    my ce in Alexi¡¯s world she¡¯s about to meet a redhead with a serious possessive side. He¡¯s a fucking


    bastard, but like it or not, there¡¯s a part of me that knows he¡¯s my fucking bastard and this is my fucking


    turf!


    I won¡¯t be getting pushed aside for a knock-off Versace and a hoe with a fake arse demeanour.


    ¡®¡®London, I told you to give Santagato a wide berth.¡¯¡¯ Alexi snarls it at me quietly as hees up behind


    me at the bar and I just sink in detion and ignore him hovering right at my back as best I can. He¡¯s


    been on my arse for everything tonight while swanning around with his new skirt and some other girls


    from the floor like a horny teenager. If he¡¯s making a show of not favouring me, then it¡¯s effective. Killing


    what¡¯s left of my self-respect and any inklings my heart might have had to keep on beating for him.


    I have literally had to endure him being ground on, kissed, felt up, and had a pair of naked tits thrust in


    his face when one of the girls gave him ap dance. It¡¯s some new kind of torture, and yet I managed


    to lookpletely unaffected on the outside while my soulmitted suicide. I feel like I exist in an


    alternate reality and no longer feel like I am here or real anymore.


    Every moment has be a constant mass of feeling like shit, and I''m on the verge of curling up to


    cry. For the first time ever, I think I see the benefits of getting high on Valium or boosting my depressive


    mood with some coke. Except he would flip his shit and find ways to turn it into a bad trip.


    Santagato has only approached me for requests, tending to his room and such, nothing more now that


    he realises I was a passing fad for King Carrero, but I guess Alexi is still keeping tabs on me enough to


    see hime near me. I don¡¯t know whether I should take hope in that or remind myself as a


    possessive bitch he still doesn¡¯t want people touching his toys.


    ¡®¡¯Calm yourself, New York.¡¯¡¯ I jibe at his constant use of my stupid pet name. ¡®¡®He wanted a specific girl


    with specific skills and some oysters sent to his room. He hasn¡¯t approached me for anything else


    except to meet his requests, and it seems I am no longer something he wants.¡¯¡¯ I turn back to the bar


    and continue flicking through my list, checking for the names I was searching for as I am sure we have


    an extra guest that hasn¡¯t been ounted for. Ignoring the fact he is STILL standing right behind me,


    even though he knows it makes me uneasy, I nk him out with all my might.


    I saw a face in the group that I don¡¯t remember greeting and have no idea if he came in with our guests


    tonight.


    ¡®¡®He had his hands on your ass.¡¯¡¯ He sounds angry; probably enraged his property has been defiled by


    another man¡¯s touch. I would be a fool to assume jealousy and sigh heavily, more interested in my


    problem than his.


    ¡®¡¯If you haven¡¯t noticed, most of your members think I am still touch worthy, and I am pretty


    aplished at removing their hands without insult. If you ever paid attention then you¡¯ll see that I get


    groped nightly, with subtle hands.¡¯¡¯ I smirk at that one because I know that will enrage his good old ¡®¡¯Do


    not touch what¡¯s mine!¡¯¡¯ mentality and show a severeck of Carrero respect.


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯


    Yep, definitely angry, his eyes changing from the palest grey to the darkest storm on the seas, and he


    also seems to grow a little taller. For once I get delighted at seeing his negative reaction. Nice to be on


    the offensive side for once.


    ¡®¡¯Your family have arrived; Mico told me they are upstairs and already have their appointment up there


    with them. Everyone isfortable and being attended to, all ticking over like a finely oiled machine. I


    think I deserve a raise, or at least a pat on the back, for how well I run your little operation.¡¯¡¯ I just gloss


    over his temper tantrum with indifference and try to focus on my tasks.


    I¡¯m not going to let him get to me, not now he has the nerve to sit pushing women in my face all night.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m taking you off the floor for the rest of the night, go upstairs.¡¯¡¯ Alexi dismisses my half joking


    suggestions, sounding grim and stubborn, that simmering temper is not as controlled as normal and I


    turn on him with shock.


    ¡®¡®Wait, what? Why?¡¯¡¯ I am literally gawping at him in disbelief trying to figure out if he is being serious


    right now. Instantly pissed that he can just haul me off the floor over something fucking stupid.

 Chapter 52

    Chapter 52


    ¡®¡¯Joanne¡¯s here, I don¡¯t need two of you tending, get upstairs and take the rest of the night off.¡¯¡®


    ¡®¡®No! I won¡¯t go upstairs and twiddle my thumbs till four a.m. I¡¯m happy down here and I don¡¯t care if


    your new toy is here, she¡¯s not capable of recing me and I don¡¯t intend to let her.¡¯¡¯ I have a stubborn


    determination too, and he can back off and get a grip if he thinks he can send me to bed like a child.


    That woman may be sharing his bed but over my dead body is she also going to be sharing this club.


    We built this and we run it together without interference. I am done being bossed around, pushed and


    trampled on by this arsehole.


    ¡®¡¯Since when has disobeying me ever been in your best interests?¡¯¡¯ Low tone, I¡¯m in the danger zone. I


    really am sick of this little control method nowadays, so instead of sinking back like I normally would I


    sh my own little fierce at him.


    ¡®¡¯Is this because other men dared to touch me?¡¯¡® I sh at him, tossing back my hair over my shoulder


    with a manicured talon.


    So fucking transparent it¡¯s unreal.


    I honestly think I should book him a shrink appointment myself; this control thing he has going on was


    maybe sexy in the early days of meeting him, but when it¡¯s rammed down your throat at every turn and


    his tight leash of possessive is around your neck, it gets old very fast.


    ¡®¡¯Yes. Now get up the fucking stairs.¡¯¡¯


    Well he isn¡¯t denying it anyway, and he did lose his cool very fast. I swear Carrero is unravelling the


    longer I know him. That cool controlled mask slips more often with every passing week, and I wonder if


    he¡¯s brimming on an almighty breakdown. Maybe I do get to him too, in the same way he riles me, as


    he is certainly not the calmposed Carrero of the early days anymore.


    I m my clipboard into his chest with an aggressive air, pushing it at him until he takes hold. Anger


    spiking and having a tantrum of my own, lifting my chin and tossing my locks back in an air of outright


    attitude.


    ¡®¡®You have an uninvited guest, someone not on the list and the body count is off. Go get your new girl to


    figure that one out, if she has the brains.¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s arrogant look drops to one of nk as he flits his eyes


    down to the board instead, flipping it back to look at the names.


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯ He scans the list and then looks back at me with a furrowed brow. ¡®¡®You¡¯re sure?¡¯¡¯


    The change in mood and manner highlights that he¡¯s at least listening and taking this seriously, so I too


    pipe down and move forward so surrounding ears do not hear. Putting our differences aside when it


    comes to something in ¡®¡¯our¡¯¡¯ club being off. We take security seriously and an imposter is never a good


    thing in this kind of business.


    Our issues with one another will alwayse second to making my baby run perfectly.


    ¡®¡¯It¡¯s hard to take a head count when everyone¡¯s disappearing and moving around the rooms, but I am


    certain we have one extra that¡¯s unounted for, and I don¡¯t know who he came in with. One of your


    members didn¡¯t detail a guest.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯What does he look like?¡¯¡¯ Alexi moves closer, voices hushed as he gets in against me, dipping his


    head close to mine to make sure no one picks up on the issue we are discussing. He is a man who


    likes to always look like he has everything in hand.


    ¡®¡¯Small, blondish hair, rugged and definitely not like he has the cash to afford a membership here. He¡¯s


    dressed casually too, and he¡¯s avoided me directly. I haven¡¯t seen him in half an hour, I¡¯m still trying to


    see which party he is sitting with, but he¡¯s either gone into one of the rooms or left. I can¡¯t assign him to


    a name on here.¡¯¡¯ I look up at Alexi¡¯s serious face, close enough to notice he¡¯s switched to a new


    aftershave. Not that it¡¯s important, but I noticed.


    ¡®¡¯No one¡¯s left. I¡¯ve checked with Mico about departures before I came over here, none of the guests


    have gone out.¡¯¡¯ Alexi seems pensive; all focus on this little issue, he hates not being in control and


    knowing every detail, so this will be his focus until he roots out the imposter.


    ¡®¡¯Well, as I am being sent to bed it¡¯s your problem now, good luck.¡¯¡¯ I turn on my heel to leave him.


    Hating that I am walking off from a problem, but the upper hand today feels great. I high five myself as I


    know he will be rethinking my departure when he needs his quick - eyed redhead to scope out the


    guests. Smug that I get to annoy him, even if it is in some minor way.


    I ster on my superior smile and walk p bang into brte as she practically throws her ss of


    red wine down the front of me with a dramatic collision.


    ¡®¡®Honest to fucking God.¡¯¡¯ I gawp, jumping back as the cold liquid seeps in and soaks my naked legs


    ufortably, the red fluid running down the full length of my pale dress, spreading and ruining the


    delicate fabric like a massive blood stain and pooling in my shoes until I shudder in both disgust and


    with reaction to icy cold liquid. I re up at her in full fury, the urge to rip her head from her shoulders


    consumes me, and my body turns into a boiling pit of moltenva as I try and get a grip on my clenched


    fists and urge to throat punch her.


    This dress was the only good thing that came out of my Hamptons hell, and now she has turned it to


    worthless trash. ¡®¡®Oopsy.¡¯¡¯ She smirks at me. idental maybe, but she¡¯s more than happy about it and


    gloating like a childish yground bitch.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡¯This dress cost more than you get paid a month, what the actual fuck?¡¯¡¯ I literally snap at her,


    usatory and hatred evident as Alexi¡¯s hand cups my shoulder firmly and tugs me back to disengage


    my crazy mode of ¡®¡®Kill Joanne.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®Enough! Get upstairs like I told you and don¡¯te back down. Joanne, go do your job and get this


    mess cleaned up.¡¯¡¯ He sounds as equally pissed at her as he does me, and she scuttles off like a little


    obedientp dog without a hint of rebellion. Obviously, my first assessment of her was right, she has no


    backbone when ites to Alexi. He will get bored of her faster than I can blink.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re paying for the dry-cleaning bill, seeing as she¡¯s your disaster. I didn¡¯t need any help down here


    and this dress is irreceable.¡¯¡¯ I snap at him,pletely distraught and enraged as I haul myself free


    of his grip childishly. ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t fucking touch me.¡¯¡¯ I grit it out under my breath as an afterthought in rage


    because he¡¯s a bully, a bossy shit, and I am done ying his stupid games.


    He lost the right to touch me after what he did in the Hamptons, and he will never get it back. His touch


    makes my skin crawl now. He lets me go but holds me still with those focused eyes and furrowed brow.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll pay for the cleaning or a new dress, now don¡¯t make a scene or I will publicly spank you.¡¯¡¯ He warns


    in an equally hushed tone, but I just roll my eyes at him.


    ¡®¡¯Of course you will.¡¯¡¯ Sarcasm oozing with disdain and even I know that¡¯s an empty threat. He might get


    someone else to spank me, but thisplete distaste for violence against women is a weakness for


    him that he should stop emphasizing. It¡¯s not honour or a code if that kind of trait is discovered by


    someone like Santagato.


    He just scowls and growls like a good old beastly monster, and I make a move before I encourage


    some other form of discipline. I am still sore about that damned room and that god awful cross among


    every other thing he has inflicted on me and just hightail it out into the corridor to work my way back to


    the lift before he rethinks my free pass.


    Wiping my dress in apletely useless manner and tutting and sighing at how ruined it is. The


    security men are huddled in a little groupughing and joking by the back door and pay no attention to


    me. The ones nearer the rear exit are gazing outside with the door open, and something going on back


    there that is either entertaining or dramatic enough to gather them like gossipy women to watch.


    I don¡¯t stop to find out what and walk along the quiet empty hall to the left which houses the lifts,


    concealed from the club and the door, pull out my card and swipe the nearest pad to get one to open. I


    wander into the first one that slides open gracefully, turn around and then jump in fright when a figure


    slides in beside me and covers my mouth with his hand before thrusting me against the wall


    aggressively.

 Chapter 53

    Chapter 53


    It happens so fast I don¡¯t have time to think or breathe, and as I am rammed face first against a wall


    with a hard body biting at my back I can barely move. I¡¯m knocked for six, instantly stunned as the


    doors slide shut, and I¡¯m left with aplete stranger holding me captive. My heart starts hammering


    as my body turns cold.


    Why does this shit always happen to me?


    ¡®¡¯Keep it quiet and I¡¯ll be nice, Cami.¡¯¡¯


    I have no idea who he is other than he¡¯s the blonde rough guy I spotted earlier and I have no


    connection to him. I feel sick with that infernal constant terror I feel nowadays and yet the fact he knows


    my name makes it more intense.


    This isn¡¯t random, he knows who I am. He also has me at an immediate disadvantage by pinning me


    face first against the wall and restraining me. Instant terror on its own, even if I did know him. A million


    scenarios run through my head from Rick paying this goon to finally find me, to any number of men or


    women I screwed over in the past tracking me down for revenge before Santagato crosses my mind.


    He was too polite and distancing himself tonight, too ready to y nice and forget that little drama from


    before. Knowing Alexi and his maniptive gamey I can almost be positive that this is Santagato¡¯s


    doing.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    I try to twist and free myself but he pulls his hand off my mouth, spins me, so we are facing one another


    and crushes my back to the wall cruelly. A relief to be out of that infernal position, but a short-lived


    feeling. He slides a gun out of his inner pocket, brings it up to hold at my temple and all bravado drains


    from me. Taking away all my fight as he smirks evilly, eyes running up and down with a look of creep


    with more than kidnap on his mind.


    ¡®¡®Who are you? What do you want?¡¯¡¯ I blurt it out, my body shaking and suffocated with the proximity,


    aware of how much danger I am in, yet I have no idea how he got past all of Alexi¡¯s men; heads will roll


    for this shit when he finds out.


    Up close I can see this guy iste forties, rough and not well shaven or well groomed. He has an air of


    street thug with watery blue eyes that seem devoid of life.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m no one, just a hired hand leaving a message. Seems someone of importance values you enough


    to warrant me to make a mark.¡¯¡¯


    Shit!


    Santagato never backed off at all, he¡¯s not convinced that Alexi isn¡¯t into me and still thinks I am a


    weakness. It has to be. I don¡¯t even know how he still managed to keep a firearm after getting in here


    as Carrero''s men pat everyone down, and we have metal detectors on every entrance. If he has a gun


    in here then he obviously had it left for him, meaning someone on the inside is involved, and he knew


    to wait until he got me alone.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m nobody¡ªjust a hired whore, I have no value to anyone.¡¯¡¯ I try to keep my cool as cold metal digs


    into my skin on my face and try like crazy to keep my wits about me. No tears, no weakness. I have


    more steel than this. My insides maybe crumbling to dust and screaming with hysteria but my mask is


    in ce and I can do this. I just need to bide my time until we get out of the lift and someone else,


    possibly security, sees us. We are in Alexi¡¯s building.


    ¡®¡¯A hired whore he hid in his mansion to keep safe, do you think people don¡¯t watch his every move? He


    shows a weakness, my boss takes advantage. That¡¯s how this works baby, and he¡¯s waited a long time


    to find an angle to change up the dynamics with Carrero.¡¯¡¯


    It IS Santagato. The slimy back-stabbing prick.


    ¡®¡®Why me? Why not any one of his family? He has a ton of them who are more important to him than I


    am and more essible.¡¯¡¯ Keep him talking and hope he takes me to either the office or the apartment,


    as both have silent rms that I can activate, and the desk man watching the cameras is outside the


    office twenty-four-seven.


    ¡®¡¯You don¡¯t harm a Carrero, that would start a war of epic proportions. You though, you¡¯re just a whore


    he¡¯s taken a shine too, that would just fuck him up, and his family won¡¯t back that kind of bacsh.


    You¡¯re an edge to a negotiation, and he can get you back when he agrees to a few demands.¡¯¡¯ He


    snarls yet moves in closer and runs a nose close to my neck and jawline, inhaling my scent in the


    freakiest perverted psychotic way and I wouldn¡¯t put rape past this creep.


    ¡®¡¯Back?¡¯¡¯ I try to bring his attention away from mentally undressing me.


    ¡®¡¯We¡¯re going up in a lift of a building that Alexi has armed to the hilt, how do you n on getting me


    out?¡¯¡¯ I know goading him isn¡¯t the best n but if I keep him focused and talking then he¡¯s less likely to


    start stripping me for his own desires.


    I can see the way his eyes are zing over and his erection is prodding me in the pelvis already. Men


    like this use sex as a means to feel powerful, and he wouldn¡¯t be the first arsehole to do it.


    ¡®¡¯You think this is an opportunist moment? You¡¯re a dumb broad. Offices have windows, high buildings


    have ways down and I have a van waiting outside. This building isn¡¯t watched from the outside looking


    in because Carrero is more interested in what goes on inside.¡¯¡¯


    I pale, rm bells ringing because I know what he says is true. There¡¯s an alleyway behind the building


    that you can ess from another street, the building isn¡¯t watched from outside and there¡¯s a fire


    escape that runs half way down to above the height of a van. If he gets me down that he can pass me


    off to anyone standing on the roof of a transit. This was nned, they have been waiting for a chance


    and my return gives them that.


    They knew I wasing back, what I don¡¯t get is why no one snatched me the night I ran? I was an


    easy target then, less hassle than this. Maybe that was all just confirmation for them. My running and


    his hightailing it to be there to find me.


    They missed a chance because they weren¡¯t sure I would be a weapon, and now they are.


    Fuck! Except I¡¯m not, Alexi won¡¯t bend to save me because I¡¯m only a toy and not of long-term value.


    He¡¯s not stupid, he will let me go the second he realises I affect his standing in this world and he¡¯ll let


    them kill me.


    I should be terrified of that prospect but I¡¯m not. I¡¯m strangely calm and devoid of feeling, much like I


    was when Tyler¡¯s men made it clear that day it was the end of my road. I swear I am broken and if it


    was Alexi making threats on my life I would probably be a hysterical puddle on the floor, yet here I am,


    solid and stable as a rock.


    I told Sophie something about me because I had no one else to remember it after I was gone. Who I


    was, my real name. I was disappearing after a lifetime of being invisible, and I told her something true


    and meaningless. I don¡¯t know why, I guess it was like an eptance that I never amounted to


    anything, and someone should know a girl named Lisa once lived in this body.


    Lisa was born with so much promise ¡­ but fate gave her a shit path, and she died somewhere after


    her eleventh birthday.


    Cami isn¡¯t a real person, she¡¯s a guise, a fa?ade, a mask, and she is truly worthless. A body that¡¯s


    been used by hundreds of men, a dirty vile hooker with no moralpass and no one who ever gave


    one shit about her. She fought to survive and hurt countless girls in the process; her death will not


    mean anything to anyone and therefore, I feel nothing about it happening.


    He drags me out of the lift on the office floor, tripping on my heels on the thick carpeting but I don¡¯t


    reach out to grab hold of him. I would rather fall and make it an effort for him to get me moving. The


    guard up here is new, he¡¯s only been here for thest two months, and instead of offering me relief at


    seeing a saviour he just nods and grins, and I swear I baulk at it.


    He¡¯spletely unshocked by the appearance of some greasy thug dragging Alexi¡¯s hostess by the


    arms with him to the office, and it dawns on me that this prick has been paid off.


    The nerve of the slimy little weaselly bastard.


    He¡¯s the insider? Someone who sits every day watching over Alexi¡¯s club like a silent protector;


    someone we put our trust in? He¡¯s new to here but I know he¡¯s been a paid hand for years in Alexi¡¯s


    empire.


    What the hell? Alexi was right, you can¡¯t trust anyone. They are all just opportunists waiting for a better


    deal, no wonder he keeps his circle of trust to blood only. No wonder he believes I will do the same, this


    guy has worked for him for a decade.


    As the hired hitman drags me towards the open office, I make to fight, twisting and digging my nails into


    his wrist with vengeance as I realise myst hope of help was aplete fail. It gets me pped hard


    across the jaw for my efforts, and sends me flying into the open office door, so Ind face first on the


    floor and lose a shoe in the process of carpet skidding and burning up my arm as I yelp in pain. It burns


    like hell and I scramble around trying to right myself, so I have a better position for a second wave of


    kicking back.


    ¡®¡¯Be fast, Micoes up here to check in every so often.¡¯¡¯ The gravelly voice of that traitorous bastard


    sitting at his bank of monitors makes me rage, and I literally will Alexi to find out what he¡¯s done. I want


    him to make his torture slow and fucking painful and I hope he drags it out for weeks and endures the


    worst kind of hell before he dies.


    ¡®¡¯The van should be there in two minutes exactly, everything is working to n.¡¯¡¯ The thug is over the


    top of me grabbing my limbs and body and dragging me across the carpet as though I am weightless.


    Effectively moving me without breaking a sweat, no matter how hard I am trying to resist.


    ¡®¡¯Shut the door in case anyonees up to check on me.¡¯¡¯ Traitor is up on his feet, picking up my shoe,


    and he tosses it into the room we are heading for.

 Chapter 54

    Chapter 54


    My captor bodily lifts me and tosses me right after it like a piece of lightweight rubbish and as I am


    hurled, half running as my legs hit the carpet, half falling and rolling with the force of it. I let out a


    muffled noise as I collide with floor again. I can still hear them as I stop dead, iling like a dead fish


    and gather my wits.


    I crawl forward and get to my knees in a bid to get to the desk, pushing my minor pain aside. I don¡¯t


    know what rms the button triggers or if the arsehole out there will be alerted, but I am not going


    without a fight. Alexi showed me how to trip every silent rm in this building and it¡¯s my one chance of


    someone that Alexi trusts toe and find me.


    I hear him stalking in behind me and make a run for it as I get to my feet and kick off myst shoe,


    panic overtaking as adrenaline courses through my veins. Dashing forward as he tries to grab me and


    almost breaking my ankle with the awkward jolt forward I make, I skim around the desk just out of his


    grasp. I slide my hand under as I go, making a quick grab and a fly finger jab to hit the concealed


    rm, a prominent small button under the left-hand side.


    I skid past, and he throws me a re across the desk which turns into a snarl and then a sadistic smile,


    revealing a squint of yellowed teeth.


    ¡®¡¯So you like games huh? Fiery little witch who wants to be caught. I like chasing ¡­ I like hurting, and


    we have a couple minutes to kill.¡¯¡¯ A sadistic scowl on that ugly face and I limber up with a fury inside,


    burning so violently with heat that it couldpete with the sun. I am not about to take this lying down


    and even if he fucks me up, Alexi wille, and this guy will be screwed.


    I back up, slide my dress up above my knees so it¡¯s not as restricting to move, and get ready. I have no


    idea who or what that button does but I can guarantee that in minutes someone is going to be up here;


    I won¡¯t let them use me to get to Alexi, and I won¡¯t die for him when I know he wouldn¡¯t care.


    I make a run for it, my head down, and determined as hell, I aim for the door, but I¡¯m not fast enough


    and despite adrenaline coursing through my body as every part of me pounds with all I have, he


    catches my arm and drags me backwards across the desk. It hurts like hell. Having my body rammed


    into a wooden ledge that topples me onto my back and then dragged across it whileptops, desk


    ornaments, pens and such scatter to the floor. It¡¯s like being poked and prodded with sharp inanimate


    objects all over every tender part of me, and I squeal out despite myself.


    What is it with rapists favouring fucking smooth surfaces to control me?


    He hauls me across and spins me, so my legse to his and even though I try to fight with hands


    and feet, he holds that gun straight to my fucking throat and pushes it so hard I start choking on both


    the protrusion into myrynx and the cold heavy feel of imminent death if he pulls that trigger. It douses


    my fight and I choke, my hands immediately moving to try and stop him impaling my neck by grabbing


    the barrel and stop it pressing harder.


    ¡®¡¯I like fire. I am going to fuck you hard before I let them take you.¡¯¡¯ He yanks me closer, pinned to the


    desk with that steel holding me still, my nose starting to run with what I presume is blood from being hit,


    and he starts grabbing at my wrist in a bid to better control me.


    I am trying to dislodge the infernal killing machine enough to keep breathing and struggle against him


    as he pulls one hand free. He has his back to my escape and try as I might I just need to hold on until


    someone, anyone, answers that rm and bursts in here. I let go, the metal digging in further, so I


    cough in pain and tears fill my vision with what he¡¯s doing, but I know help ising. I have no time to


    go weak with panic and fear, even though my body is soaring on adrenaline and shaking like crazy. I


    reach out and w whatever I can get hold of on the arseholes head and face.


    I knew fake nails had a purpose beyond prettiness. I get another stinging smack to the face when I


    catch his eyes with my nails, muffling a cry. I may be being grappled at by a paid goon with a gun and


    hard-on, but I won¡¯t relent.


    He pins my whole face to the desk with the t of his palm on my cheek, crushing my face sideways


    until the agony sears through me, feeling like my eyeballs may pop out of my skull, and it stops my


    every movement as I struggle to stay conscious. The metal against my throat presses harder, so I can


    no longer breathe, and he leans in rasping into my ear as the pressure in my cranium bes


    unbearable. ¡®¡®We¡¯re going to have ourselves a lot of fun over the next few days.¡¯¡¯ Heughs


    disgustingly. Licking my ear as he does, slow and vile so my skin crawls and I buck and gag at the


    touch.


    There¡¯s a strange almighty cracking noise so sudden and unexpected that my heart lurches in


    response. It¡¯s loud, weird and indescribable¡ªlike branches cracking underfoot and I have no clue what


    the hell it is. It seems to have been right in my face and suddenly all pressure goes limp and the


    bastard slumps over me heavily, his hand drops on my throat as does his gun, releasing the pressure


    immediately. That is before sliding down my body, dragging my dress as his weight skims me and


    slides out of sight to the floor.


    N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    I let out an exhale as everything starts to go from foggy to clear once more and blink at the ceiling first


    and then look down my body to where he seems to have passed out. Completely confused.


    I lift my head, panting and breathing hard to see where the hell he just went and freeze with shock at


    the sight before me. Coldness washing over me as I realise why he isn¡¯t on top of me anymore.


    Alexi is standing stock still, literally right behind where my attacker was a second ago with a murderous


    look on his face that makes all other fear I had for him pale inparison. He¡¯s looking down, and as I


    lever myself up to try and get up, oblivious to the way his men are charging in, like an endless sea of


    ck, I gasp in disbelief.


    He¡¯s staring at the lifeless body on the floor whose head is sitting at apletely unnatural angle with


    his eyes wide, zed in a hellishly horrible way and focused on nothing with his mouth gaping wide


    open.


    He¡¯s dead.


    In a sh of a second, Alexi snapped his neck and now he¡¯s lying on the floor of our officepletely


    and utterly dead.


    Alexi seems to blink himself back to the present and his eyese to mine with the most


    unfathomable look.


    ¡®¡®Are you okay?¡¯¡¯ He sounds normal, calm, stable, and yet my heart hammering in my rib cage and eyes


    fixed on the dead person on the floor tell me this is not normal by any standard. I flinch when he shoves


    the body aside with his foot heartlessly and makes a path to get nearer to me. Recoiling in fear as he


    gets closer, and I realise he just did that in literally the blink of an eye.


    I¡¯m caught in panic and disbelief that I just saw him murder someone with his bare hands. I don¡¯t know


    how to feel about him right now.


    I shake my head, as I don¡¯t know how else to respond, and stiffen when he sweeps me up off the desk


    in his arms and cradles me close like a fragile child at the speed of light, pulling me up to him and high


    from the floor. I don¡¯t fight, just stay obediently still as he carries me to the door and puts me back on


    my own bare feet. Mico is by the body now, checking he really is dead I presume, and shes Alexi a


    look of question and dare I say it irritation.


    I get the feeling this is not how he normally handles things like this, and the eerie silence of his men in


    the room as they stand around waiting for orders adds to the tension. Everyone seems shocked that


    Alexi took care of the problem this way and despite feeling shell-shocked I can see the way they are


    looking at one another.


    Even though he puts me down he still has an arm around my shoulders, sheltering me as his eyes


    travel my face, he lifts my chin with a finger to scan the marks and mess left behind from the ordeal.


    Oblivious to the obviously annoyed face from Mico and the questioning nces from his entourage as


    they move to crowd the lifeless man on the floor.


    That little muscle in his jaw tightens, but he says nothing as he surveys the damage. He just looks


    angry and brooding as he pulls me close and gives me the first real hug I have ever had in my life.


    Wrapping both arms around my body and moulding me to him protectively and securely. I catch my


    breath and freeze awkwardly as I don¡¯t know how else to react. No one has ever hugged me for any


    reason other than to get sex out of me. No one has been tender to me for any reason, ever, and I don¡¯t


    know how to react, especially when it¡¯s Alexi trying to be the consoling one, and despite myself, my


    body sags against him as I hug him back.


    Creeping arms around that mass of muscled body and the dry eyes turn misty as everything that just


    happenedes at me from all angles. Forgetting my fear and numbing out what¡¯s lying on the floor, I


    bury my face against his chest and let him solidly cuddle me, drawing strength from how it feels as


    tears begin trickling down my face and my body starts vibrating with the first stages of shock.


    ¡®¡¯Get the fucking guard in here ¡­ that bastard sat out there and didn¡¯t do a damn thing. I can bet he


    can shed some light on who this was.¡¯¡¯ Alexi barks as he rests his chin on top of my head, squeezing


    me tighter.


    If it wasn¡¯t in the midst of this shit it would be a moment I might actually treasure. A glimpse of a real


    human, right after I saw the monster he can truly be.


    Just when I think I can¡¯t hate him anymore than I do, he levels the ying field and wipes it all away


    with being both my hero and my consoler.


    My fight and loathing die in his embrace and I am just left a sobbing mess who needs him at this


    moment.

 Chapter 55

    Chapter 55


    I hold the ice pack to my face and stare at my shaking hands aimlessly. Sat on the couch in the


    apartment and just trying so hard to process all that just went down.


    I jump when the door opens, nervy as hell and Alexi stalks in with Mico, he looks me over with a


    completely unreadable expression, and they both walk straight past to the kitchen.


    I have been sitting up here for an hour or two, no sense of time, no idea what was going on down there


    and I can¡¯t get my head around anything. He brought me up here, handed me a strong drink and the


    ice pack then stroked my hair back from my face before leaving me alone. It was surreal, like another


    Alexi from another ce, and then he went back down to take care of the mess he made.


    Alexi killed someone, right in front of me, because of me. I don¡¯t even know what to do with that and I


    have no clue how to feel. I think I¡¯m in severe shock, everything feels surreal and floaty and even


    though my face is throbbing, I just feel numb. I saw the look on his face at that moment. The unbridled


    rage and then after, when he was pulling me off the desk the way he closed down and ordered his men


    to start cleaning it up like all he had done was knock over his coffee.


    No emotion, no remorse at all just an empty act of taking someone¡¯s life with no fear of repercussion.


    This is the real face of Alexi Carrero. This is why he¡¯s the way he is, this is what he was made into and


    over the years somehow, it was trained out of him to value another human life.


    He doesn¡¯t feel sympathy or suffering, how can he when he cannot even muster remorse for murder¡ªit


    exins a lot.


    Then there was the tenderness and the moments of making me feel like he cared that someone tried to


    take me from him. Multiyered andplex, and I was left second guessing whether he has the


    ability to feel emotion like a normal person or not. It was a stark contrast andpletely out of ce for


    what was happening around us.


    My head ispletely tangled over it. I don¡¯t know how to feel about him right now, he¡¯s just devoid of


    reaction as he stands over there talking to Mico in hushed tones while they pour themselves a drink.


    Like this is like every other Saturday night for them and nothing of value just went down.


    This is his world, this is his normal. Just like being beaten and abused is my normal.


    I am in way over my head, but one thing keeps racing through it and I cannot stop repeating it to myself


    ¡ªI just sealed my own fate.


    I just witnessed Alexi murder someone, and that means I am bound to him for life. You don¡¯t witness


    something like that and get to walk away. You leave in a box or not at all. I saw a mafia mob boss end a


    life with his bare hands and now I am a walking liability. My debt will never end, my freedom will never


    come, and I will spend my life in his shadow afraid to step out of line forever more.


    He can just snap a person¡¯s neck like it was nothing more than a chicken bone and I should have


    feared him all along. He has had restraint concerning me and I see that now, he¡¯s capable of so much


    more.


    I jump when a cold ss touches my shoulder, almost right out of my seat and drop my ice pack on the


    floor at my feet. I nce up warily, heart hammering like crazy and see Alexi holding a ss of booze


    out towards me, something dark with ice, and I take it shakily, carefully and avoiding looking him in the


    eye.


    He stands over me, unmoving andpletely calm, and then scoops to pick up the pack and dumps it


    on the table for me. I


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    have no bravado in this anymore. I just got well and truly put in my ce for all time where he is


    concerned. I have no doubt they have made that body disappear and the guard will be gone too. Lost


    in the depths of an organisation that cleans up its discrepancies, and I have no doubt that man will be


    brutalised until he gives them all the information they need, then what?


    Revenge? Reaction?


    I don¡¯t want to know how it works. I am so drained and so mentally messed up that I just want to sit


    here and stare into space. They dared toe into his house and start a war. Alexi won¡¯t leave that


    alone, it¡¯s not in him to not bite back. If Santagato is at the root then this is the start of a whole bigger


    thing.


    I sense him moving away silently, d he didn¡¯t try and coax words out of me and allow myself a


    moment to nce up and look at him, afraid of what I will feel when I do. He and Mico are leaning


    against the bunker once more, low tones and small looks my way from Mico who looks unsure. It¡¯s not


    hard to guess what they are talking about and I look away quickly, breathing shallowly.


    My heart and stomach sink, the edge of trepidation to what that look is. I swear an icy hand runs


    through my body as it dawns on me that I just became another mess, and maybe this is the way to tidy


    up loose ends.


    I look down at my drink wondering if he¡¯s the type to let you have onest drink before he takes care of


    what he needs to take care of and put it on the table impulsively, shivering and wrap my arms around


    my naked arms inplete fear.


    I don¡¯t think I am going to live to see tomorrow and I have nowhere to run. ¡®¡®Let me know.¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s


    louder voice startles me out of my trance and I realise Mico is leaving us, Alexi has his eyes on me and


    I literally cower under his gaze. Mico shutting the door as he goes, making me jump and I blurt it out


    crazily.


    ¡®¡¯Are you going to kill me?¡¯¡¯ Tears bite my eyes, even though I thought I wouldn¡¯t care about dying


    downstairs, somehow at Alexi¡¯s hand it seems a lot more horrific and all-consuming. I¡¯m terrified all the


    way down to my toes and cannot conceal the raw emotion in my voice, visibly recoiling and vibrating all


    over.


    ¡®¡®Why would I go to the effort of saving you if I was nning on doing the same to you? I would have let


    him take you and saved myself the hassle, clean up isn¡¯t cheap, or easy.¡¯¡¯ I hate the way it alles


    out of his mouth as though he¡¯s talking about his weekly chores. Like its normal, nothing, and it¡¯s a


    minor inconvenience and not the death of a person.


    Clean up? Is that what they call the disposing of a body?


    Oh, my God. I feel sick.


    ¡®¡¯I saw it, I¡¯m a witness.¡¯¡¯ I shudder again as the images of that man¡¯s face run through my head for the


    fiftieth time, and Alexi wanders over and leans on the back of his couch with his ss in his hand. Far


    too smooth.


    ¡®¡®Well as long as you have no intentions of running your mouth, then you should be okay.¡¯¡¯ He says it so


    nkly and I just blink at him.


    ¡®¡¯Who would I tell?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s an odd response to a weird atmosphere and a stranger reaction from a man


    who just seems unaffected.


    This isn¡¯t really happening.


    ¡®¡¯Then we won¡¯t have an issue, and no one¡¯s going to touch you.¡¯¡¯ He straightens up, downs his drink


    and then nces my way again, almost an afterthought as he scans my face. Moving to the side unit to


    lay his ss on a nearby surface.


    ¡®¡®Most women would have crumbled by now you know?¡¯¡¯ He even manages to sound a little impressed,


    his tone husky because he sounds exhausted and I just look at him emptily. Eyes filling with tears and


    shake my head, if only he could see inside my head and the reality of how much I am falling apart.


    My outward persona has always been good at masking it all, but surely in this state, he can see I am


    far from okay?


    ¡®¡®Who says I¡¯m not?¡¯¡¯ I may have been a hooker, a drug pusher and had my life inteced with back


    street darkness since forever, but I¡¯ve never seen someone murdered right in front of me before.


    Especially not by someone who my heart has decided to pin some sort of feelings on. I¡¯m traumatised


    in my own way.


    Alexi says nothing, walks around the couch to me like a sleek panther, regarding me silently as he


    bends to catch my hand in his gently. I don¡¯t fight his touch, so lost in my own head and free-falling.


    The initial feeling of apprehension where he was concerned abated with the long embrace he gave me


    downstairs. Soothing and bringing me back to Earth. He pulls me up to him, body following without


    fight, and stands me up, so I¡¯m face to face with him, barely touching he tips my chin up to him slowly


    and softly. All focus on my eyes and just so dreamlike and not really happening.


    He could pull me around like a ragdoll right now, there is nothing in me resisting or making any attempt


    to control my own limbs. Detached, floating inside my own body and emotionally shell-shocked to the


    core. I am definitely in shock. I know this feeling well. The numb before the fallout.


    ¡®¡¯I know what you need.¡¯¡¯ He says it softly, mouth hovering near mine as his eyes fix on my own.


    Looking at me like he just wants to make it all better. I shouldn¡¯t trust it, knowing it¡¯s never true when it


    comes from him, but I want to. To wake up yesterday and have this day y outpletely differently.


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s so soft, gentle and weak; like I just don¡¯t know who or what to be right now, and I have no


    fight inside of me. Just a fear that every second might be myst, and I don¡¯t trust what he will do to


    me.


    ¡®¡®Me.¡¯¡¯ Alexi leans in and kisses me, his hand cupping my face as he does so and tugs me against him


    carefully.


    It¡¯s not like any other time he has brought my mouth to his. There¡¯s no aggression, no dominance or


    pressure. Just a kiss, teasing me open to him and letting my head let loose and drift away. Unexpected


    tenderness and seduction and Ipletely fold. Falling into him with a need I didn¡¯t know I was


    capable of feeling.


    I want him to make it all go away and make me feel better. I want to feel safe in the way that only he


    makes me feel. I don¡¯t fight him, I don¡¯t know what or how to feel and right now I anchor myself to him


    in a bid to let him take it all out of my head. I don¡¯t want this burden or this memory, so he can have it


    all back.


    Alexi picks me up effortlessly, scooping up my legs without breaking free from kissing me into oblivion.


    He just keeps holding me to his mouth and secures me snugly against that muscr body, my arms


    sliding around him and my fingers curl into that short dark hair as though it¡¯s as natural as breathing.


    Sex can be a cure when you don¡¯t know what else you need, and as he¡¯s the master of this world I put


    my trust in him that he knows this is what it is.


    He wants to help me for once and I don¡¯t want to question it. He has been here a million times before,


    knows how it feels, and he knows how to make it go away.


    Alexi turns, keeping me held securely, that feeling of safety he gives me overwhelms me just like I


    wanted as he walks me to his room and carries me inside to block out the past few hours.

 Chapter 56

    Chapter 56


    I wake up in Alexi¡¯s bed alone, memories ofst night flitting through my head like it was all a dream


    from another ce, another dimension and none of it was real at all.


    Alexi made love to me for hours. Not like before, not like anything I ever expected of him. Silent in the


    darkness of his room, my body surrendered, and he brought me to heights of pleasure over and over.


    No rush, no war between us, no pain, no punishment, no being held down or bound. No aggression,


    dominance or ownership, in fact, we never spoke at all. Just two people locked in getting pleasure from


    one another and all else faded away to unimportance. Alexi made me feel like he had an ability to be


    something more and gave me a taste of what it would be like to be loved by someone like him.


    Just a glimpse, the fact he can be gentle and considerate and fulfil a need when you don¡¯t even know


    what it is. He made me feel better, he took my mind elsewhere, and not once did he put me in a


    position that gave me fear. He responded to my noises and seemed to know exactly how to give me


    what I craved at every turn and didn¡¯t stop until my body drifted into exhausted sleep.


    In the cold light of day however, I realise he was, in fact, securing the silence of his witness. My sense


    no longer foggy or clouded, my brain able to put things into perspective this morning, see things clearly


    and I realise I was just stupidly fantasising.


    Always a maniptor; always bends his method to suit what he requires. He made love to a woman


    whom he knows has feelings for him in a bid to make sure her loyalty and heart would keep her mouth


    shut. He didn¡¯t use fear or threats, this time he used sex and affection on a girl who has been


    screaming for both. It was the more powerful tool at his fingertips.


    Alexi is still the same cold bastard. He lost his power over me where sex was concerned. He knew it


    when I wouldn¡¯t let him touch me in the club. He just took it back and enabled his right to do to me


    whatever he wants. He made me weaker and made sure my refusal was less likely because he knows I


    can¡¯t refuse the possibility of another night likest night. I¡¯ll crave it and hold onto it in the hope of


    getting another.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    He predicted and counted on it.


    I am so tired of this game. So tired of everything always having an ulterior motive. I thought I could trust


    himst night, I thought I was seeing something more in the hopes that maybe there is something


    inside of him when ites to me. Now I see it was all a ruse to control me. He was failing before, so


    he tried a new angle. He knows I am in love with him, it¡¯s obvious. It¡¯s just another weakness to extort,


    and I am bing predictably easy at cajoling and ying whenever he sees fit.


    When did I be so easy to manipte and so goddamn basic?


    I have a pounding headache; I¡¯m stressed to the max and have been living upstairs like a hermit for the


    past two weeks. I¡¯m on a ban from going anywhere, ording to Mico, and Alexi doesn¡¯t want me on


    the club floor either. I am going out of my mind with cabin fever and had to turn to the inte for things


    to keep my mind upied.


    If I see another makeup guru with bronzer overuse or another movie about sisters doing it for


    themselves, then I think I may have a psychotic break.


    Alexi never came back after that night. After hours of being connected to every part of my body and


    soul, seeing me in every single vulnerable way he could and devouring me whole. He just left while I


    slept and never returned.


    He hasn¡¯t contacted me, talked or sent any messages other than through his shadow and sidekick


    Mico. I am to stay put, lie low and leaving this house will be a pain worse than death for me. Like a sad


    pathetic cling-on.


    I have sent him a text a few times and even tried to ring his phone in my weaker moments. He doesn¡¯t


    pick up, and he doesn¡¯t reply, truly icing me out and acting like I no longer exist. I just wish it didn¡¯t hurt


    me so damned much.


    He has a new way to inflict pain and it¡¯s this. Silence andck of presence. He¡¯s just removed himself


    from my life and initiated the worst kind of torture.


    I am losing my mind.


    Security has quadrupled, and my listless jaunts to the floor below to stretch my legs and get a new


    scene to gawp at just confirm the club is in lock down. Mico hasn¡¯t left this building in two weeks either


    and every day I appear lower than the apartment he¡¯s all over my arse to get back upstairs, barking


    orders and frog marching me up here with a no-nonsense grip on my shoulder.


    I get that they are all probably dealing with the fall out of that night, things in the pipeline and some war


    starting somewhere else. I just don¡¯t know why he had to add pain to what is already hell, by cutting me


    off after a night like that and icing me out.


    It couldn¡¯t have all been just a game n, I was there, I felt something between us that was more than


    sex. The way he touched me, held me and kissed me. That wasn¡¯t the Alexi Carrero that I know, that


    was someone else who made me feel like I was anyone else for just a few short hours. He cradled me


    to him, and he was in tune with my body, took me to ces I never knew I had the ability to go. I was


    hispletely in the way he¡¯s been trying to possess me from the start.


    I surrendered my soul and let him take me over and over until there was nothing left to give. Voluntary


    submission¡ªsomething he told me he craved in his women. I stopped fighting and just admitted


    defeat, that I love him.


    Somehow through theyers of cold, evil demon I found something that my heart wanted and I gave in


    to it fully. I ampletely lost to Alexi in ways I never knew I could be, and that night pushed me past


    an invisible line I can never go back from. If it¡¯s all about control then he¡¯s winning, he owns my mind,


    body and soul.


    I can¡¯t get that night out of my head for the other obvious reason, images shing in my brain and the


    noise of that crack. I swear I hear it everywhere I go and my body shudders. I cannot stop seeing his


    face when I close my eyes¡ªit¡¯s there like a madman prodding inside my skull. Not Alexi, but the man


    who tried to abduct me. He deserved to die, I know this, and I know what he had nned for me would


    have been horrific, but it doesn¡¯t make it go away or stop it leaching inside my mind, making me feel


    insane.


    I¡¯m so much more emotional in the past couple of weeks, up and down. Body aching because I¡¯m


    coming down with flu or something. I¡¯m run down, getting sick from stress and anxiety as it destroys my


    immune system. I always get sick when I am going through something traumatic and everything is just


    getting on top of me.


    I swear being locked in the apartment is like forcing me into depression and making me breathe stale


    air. I need fresh air, space and freedom, before I go insane.


    Joanne is running my club now, as much as it kills me inside. Mico was very blunt about that fact, and


    while I¡¯m holed up like a hermit and wasting away into hell, she¡¯s down there swanning around and


    doing God knows what.


    She couldn¡¯t run a piss up in a brewery, and she is probably destroying all of our club¡¯s credibility with


    her cheap tacky taste and ipetent management skills. If Alexi has been here, then he hasn¡¯te


    near me.

 Chapter 57

    Chapter 57


    I don¡¯t know if this was all part of his punishment brewing from running away and this is maybe the


    bacsh. Romancing me in bed, only to make me feel like a meaningless whore by cutting all ties and


    leaving me out in the cold for weeks on end. I know he¡¯s probably fulfilling his needs between someone


    else¡¯s thighs. I try not to think about it, trying to convince myself that I didn¡¯t imagine something else in


    him that night, but when facts are pping me in the face it¡¯s hard to hope for anything.


    Only I would fall for the devil himself who makes me feelpletely worthless in every way.


    ¡®¡®Lex says you need to pack up, I am moving you.¡¯¡¯ Mico breaks into my listless daze as I sit on the


    couch, staring nkly at myptop. Some video droning on endlessly about some vague, obscure shit


    that I clicked on for something to watch. I have no idea what it¡¯s about, and I am startled by his sudden


    appearance, but the real reactiones from his words. Heart elevating its beat instantly.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi is here?¡¯¡¯ My stomach does a little flutter, and despite myself, I get a high happy flip of insides


    that I might see him. I hate that in the past two weeks I have missed him, kept checking my phone and


    bringing up his name like a love-sick puppy and then felt like a pathetic idiot each time.


    I cannot control my internal reaction having first confirmation that he is actually in the building, where I


    am, close by, finally.


    ¡®¡¯Just do as you¡¯re told.¡¯¡¯ Mico frowns, avoiding eye contact and then leaves me to it but I can¡¯t just take


    that as an answer. If he¡¯s here then I want to see him! I want him to face me and know why he has


    completely just iced me out after everything. I want to know first-hand if it was all a lie and I imagined


    the whole thing.


    I¡¯ll know by his reaction to me, I will know by his eyes, his tiny tells and how he behaves when seeing


    me again. I need to know, it¡¯s wing up inside me like a persistent ache.


    As soon as I know Mico is gone I run like the wind to my room filled with stubborn determination and


    throwing all sense out the freaking window. I pull on a dress and discard the sweatpants I had on, pull


    my hair out of its ponytail and make myself presentable in minimum time. I was always good at sh


    prepping to get ready in a hurry and do so with amazing skill.


    I¡¯m not going to sit up here in the hope that hees up. I¡¯m going downstairs to see him and finally


    dull down this gnawing ache of longing I have for him, pining away like some sad idiot.


    ***


    I walk out of the lift on the ground floor cautiously, looking around warily for signs of security doing their


    walkabout. Getting in and down here was almost like mission impossible when it stopped on the office


    floor and I had to hide against the wall so Mico didn¡¯t see me. Damn lift and its need to open on every


    floor. I just thank my stars they never switch on the cameras in there.


    I could see that Alexi wasn¡¯t in the office, the door wide open, and just ck shadows milling around as


    Mico barked orders about taking my cases and boxes to Chicago.


    Why the fuck is he sending me to Chicago? He¡¯s not got a chance in hell of sending me so far away


    from him. I would rather die. I primp and preen myself as I walk down the corridor, my eyes everywhere


    as I go. Still, a hint of nerves ating down here, as it¡¯s my first time on this floor since that night and


    there¡¯s a sense of unease around the lifts. My stomach churning in knots as I move fast down the lobby


    to the main bar of the club, but my mind is on one goal, and I can almost feel him calling to me from


    somewhere in this building.


    I yearn to see him again. And then there he is, across the room instantly, with his side to me and every


    fibre of my being stops still and inhales fully. I wasn¡¯t expecting him to just be there, so effortlessly easy


    to find, and it hurts my heart to look at him.


    Nothing prepared me for the sucker punch to the stomach that seeing him again could give me.


    Alexi is standing with Joanne and a few of his men in the middle of the floor and my heart literally stops


    beating as soon as I see him. Tall and gorgeous with that perfect bad boy face focused on a clipboard


    in his hand. Perfectly sculpted male, oozing testosterone and confidence, and he just looks like my idea


    of heaven.


    How Satan himself can make you feel this way about him is beyond me. I guess the devil is a charmer


    and uses his wiles to seduce more than his power to terrorise you. When he made me afraid, he


    couldn¡¯t control me, so he made love to me instead, and now I¡¯m powerless against him.


    He¡¯s not in a suit for once. A leather jacket and jeans which look strange on him and his stubble is


    more prominent than normal. It¡¯s like Alexi is having a casual day, weirdly, yet he looks sexier than ever


    and I halt when I get to about ten feet away.


    It¡¯s almost like he senses me there and looks up and towards me with a slight head turn, eyes locking


    on me as soon as he realises what pulled his attention.


    Much to my heartbreak he just nks me and goes back to what he¡¯s doing as though it was nothing


    more interesting to him than a passing bird. Disinterested, unemotional and doesn¡¯t even scald me for


    being on the club floor. Nothing, not even an ounce of anger for my disobedience.


    I feel like he just ripped out every part of me inside, and yet like some deranged teenage girl I still walk


    towards him in a bid to get his attention. Craving him, longing for some sort of show that I mean


    something. All self-respect sliding away with thest ounces of my dignity, and yet I can¡¯t stop my feet


    from taking me towards him. I know I¡¯m being pathetic and breaking all the rules and codes of the boy-


    girl game but I need him to acknowledge me.


    He owes it to me after what we had, and I deserve to be treated like a human, someone with feelings


    and worth, not some sort of disposable object without any value in his eyes.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi?¡¯¡¯ I say it loud enough to catch his eye when I am practically at his group and they all stop talking


    and nce at me. Security don¡¯t react, it¡¯s only me after all, and go back to looking at what he is


    pointing out. Alexi ignores me and Joanne smirks at me with catty eyes and props a hand on her hip


    while eyeing me up with hostility and new-found confidence.


    She thinks my absence means she won my club, and him. She is standing close enough to him to


    make it obvious there is more going on there than an admirer and I just see red. Little tramp has been


    fucked by him more than once, I can tell. She has that smitten look of a woman who hasn¡¯t been


    burned by him yet and has only sampled the charming side when he wants something from you¡ªlike


    your soul in a bottle, or your heart on a tter.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi? I need to talk to you right now!¡¯¡¯ I repeat, snapping at him with desperation, mixed with anger at


    how he is treating me. Stupidly vocal but it¡¯s fuelled with despair and heartbreak and my better sense is


    not engaging in any way. His whole manner changes so subtly it¡¯s almost missable, yet I see it.


    Slight furrow of anger on that brow, tightening of the jaw and his body stiffens. I just pissed him off.


    Alexi exhales slowly and steadily, lifts his head to his main goon and hands him the clipboard with a


    nod and thatplete air of control andck of care.


    ¡®¡¯Do it and let me know.¡¯¡¯ He waves him away, ease ofmand and even though all of the suits move


    Joanne stays rooted firmly to the spot like an unwanted bad smell as he finally brings his eyes back to


    me steadily and scowls. Everything inside of me just dies with that look and now I know for sure that it


    meant nothing and that I mean nothing to him.


    Thest flickering ounces of hope die a death and fall by the wayside as my heart plummets into


    darkness.


    It was sex, a manoeuvre to keep me quiet and now we¡¯re back to how it¡¯s always been. I¡¯m a


    disobedient possession and he has no time to be dealing with my behaviour. He has a new toy and


    she¡¯s clearly well trained. I¡¯m just an annoyance in his day and the novelty he had over me has worn


    off. I am no value anymore.


    He has his club, he has someone to watch over it and keep the money rolling in and I have be


    excess to his needs. If anything I have be a liability to him, and my debt will probably never find a


    way to be paid off. If I had just been obedient and not fought him, not made everything harder and a


    challenge. Been a ¡®¡¯Yes Sir¡¯¡¯ then maybe I would be the possessive bitch standing next to him with a


    smug look and a sense of self-worth. Alexi has a type and it was never me.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡®What do you want, Cam?¡¯¡¯ he walks towards me leaving skanky whore standing watching me, but


    there¡¯s no amusement in his face, only cold indifference. Coming at me to cut down the need to talk


    loudly while ears and eyes are all around.


    ¡®¡®To know what¡¯s happening ¡­ Why I haven¡¯t heard from you in two weeks?¡¯¡¯ It chokes me, pain in my


    heart and throat as the words tumble out, and I am in fear of crying in front of him. I sound like a needy


    woman who doesn¡¯t understand what a one-night stand is.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ve been busy, and I had no reason to see you.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s like his words are bullets and every single one is


    slowly killing me.


    ¡®¡¯Just like that ¡­ discarded, no longer of any use to you?¡¯¡¯ My voice breaks and I can see bitch smirking


    over in the background. I want to throw something at her but Alexi just brings my focus back to him with


    his voice.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯ve been reced. I have somewhere else I can use you. A ce I bought in Chicago, a regr


    club, not like this. It needs an assistant manager that can up the ss a little.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t even look me


    in the eye as he says it, he just pulls out his phone and reads the screen before pressing something


    and putting it back inside his jacket. He doesn¡¯t care about me. He never did.


    ¡®¡®So you¡¯re sending me away? The further the better, didn¡¯t I mean anything? Didn¡¯t that night mean


    anything?¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t stop the tears breaking loose, despite trying hard to hide them and destroying my


    selfposure. I don¡¯t care anymore if she can see he¡¯s ripping me apart, she should know she has all


    this toe. He will chew her up and spit her out so effortlessly.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re embarrassing yourself, Cam. It was sex. You were emotional and irrational, and I took your


    mind off it. You were a liability and I couldn¡¯t have you crying to the wrong person.¡¯¡¯ Alexi turns to walk


    away from me but I grab his arm and haul him back. That crazy anger spiking from emotional


    devastation that is coursing through me like a pulsing throb.


    ¡®¡®Why are you doing this? How can you say that? I was there, it wasn¡¯t just sex.¡¯¡¯ The desperate wailing


    of a bruised heart. I am one of those pitiful, hysterical women clinging to a man who used her, hardly


    unique. My brain unable to really believe that what he did with me had no emotional effect on him in


    any way. I was cold and heartless and unable to love, yet hepletely changed all that. Surely that


    had to have done something to his dark soul somewhere in its depths. I had to leave some sort of


    impression in there.

 Chapter 58

    Chapter 58


    ¡®¡®What do you think it was then? To me, it was a fuck with a means to an end. I needed you quiet and


    rational and it worked, get over it.¡¯¡¯ He sounds so cold it stabs me in the heart multiple times. Eyes the


    palest grey and devoid of humanity, reminding me of the bastard that he really is, and it sobers my


    insanity right up.


    Aware there are eyes in this room and he¡¯s right. I am making aplete fool of myself by practically


    sobbing at his feet.


    ¡®¡®I won¡¯t see you anymore, will I? You¡¯re washing your hands of the problem and sending me anywhere


    you won¡¯t have to deal with me.¡¯¡¯ I sound broken and I feel worse, it¡¯s like I can barely breathe.


    ¡®¡®Go upstairs and pack your shit. Mico is taking you to the airfield at seven.¡¯¡¯ Alexi brushes me off,


    swiping my hand away that had still been clinging to his jacket like a lost child and I just burst out crying


    irrationally.


    ¡®¡¯If you make me go then I¡¯ll talk. I¡¯ll tell about everything you do, I¡¯ll go to the feds and fuck up your


    life.¡¯¡¯ It''s stupid desperation, a crazy woman¡¯s attempt to cling on to someone who doesn¡¯t want her and


    it¡¯spletely the wrong thing to say. I know as soon as ites out of my mouth that I ampletely


    fucking stupid in every way.


    Alexi spins on me in an angry sh, grabs me by the throat and walks me backwards at speed with so


    much force I smash into the door of the nearest boudoir and almost wind myself. It¡¯s fright more than


    agony and I il and grab his wrist as he pins me to the door with all the aggression of the monster I


    know he can be.


    ¡®¡¯Do you forget who you¡¯re threatening?¡¯¡¯ He snarls it right in my face so his breath fans my mouth and I


    gulp, sobering my dramatics. I quiver under that hateful prating re, trembling with fear.


    ¡®¡®One snap and I wouldn¡¯t even miss you, so don¡¯t push me and just take your chance to get the fuck


    out of my life. Run as far away from me as you like because this time, you have my blessing.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s so


    controlled and low. Deadly serious, that tone I have always been afraid of and that look in his eye he


    had after he took care of that man in his office.


    He¡¯s a stone-cold killer and I should know better than to rage a war against him. I sob, not so much


    from the force of his grip because he¡¯s not really hurting me, choking slightly, but that¡¯s clearly not his


    goal. It¡¯s more from the shock of his aggression and the cruel bite of his words in my face. Growling,


    cold and hateful like he¡¯s always been, I shouldn¡¯t even be surprised.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t want to go,¡¯¡¯ I whisper it weakly, pathetically feeble and considering what he is doing to me so


    stupid. He just drops his hold on me, so I fall into a slump at his feet with the sudden release. My body


    giving inpletely.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t give a shit what you want. I want you gone. You have done nothing but cause me headaches


    from day one, and I can¡¯t deal with you anymore. You¡¯re no fun anymore, London. This got pitiful and


    boring.¡¯¡¯ He just looks like he means it and everything I had inside of me that was clinging to any tiny


    hint of light, falls to ashes.


    ¡®¡®Why did you save me ¡­ any of those times?¡¯¡¯ Tears pour down my face as I sit on the floor looking up


    at him brokenly, nothing left of me anymore, and I just want to know why he even bothered. Alexi looks


    down at me with disdain across that face. Moves back so his foot isn¡¯t touching me and just shakes his


    head at the distasteful sight I make in front of him.


    ¡®¡®You had a use, now you don¡¯t. That¡¯s all it has ever been.¡¯¡¯ Alexi doesn¡¯t wait for me to respond; he


    turns and walks towards Joanne and takes her by the arm without looking back and possessively tugs


    her away with him towards the main entrance. His new squeeze and ything has no idea what is


    coming her way.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi ¡­ how can you say that to me?¡¯¡¯ I call after him in onest-ditch attempt to appeal to that


    softness somewhere inside of him. I don¡¯t want to believe it was all an act. My crushing heart cannot


    ept it, it hurts too much.


    ¡®¡¯Because it¡¯s true. Stop overvaluing your worth to me. You¡¯re nothing but a whore.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s like being shot


    in the heart at close range, calling me that ¡­belling me as that again. He knows how to really wound


    with very few words. I break down and just fall to the floor, my face eating carpet, but I don¡¯t care.


    All those years I endured so much. I held myself together through the worst kind of abuse and


    depravity. I endured violence and broken bones more than once at the hands of people who were


    supposed to care for me. I held my shit together when I got to America, living on the streets with no


    money or shelter for months on end, starving and cold and getting sick from being dirty after my father


    sent me running. I survived everything life has ever thrown at me and yet ¡­ One man!


    One twist of fate that put me in hisp, and he has managed to destroy all of me with just his words.


    Left sobbing on a club floor, and left to his minions to get rid of me. Throwing me out with the rubbish.


    I can almost feel Mico¡¯s pity as he loads myst case into the car and I stare numbly at the club in front


    of me. Standing in the damp grey light of this back street, staring at everything I thought would hold me


    captive for the rest of my life.


    Alexi let me go, just like that, no more worth to him, no feeling, nothing. No longer obsessed with his


    ownership of me, and I¡¯m just a problem he wants rid of, so he¡¯s sending me to be someone else¡¯s


    headache. I have no choice. As long as I still owe him money I am his to do with as he pleases.


    He doesn¡¯t want me, my body, or my presence anymore. I don¡¯t have to be persuaded to go either. The


    fact he left me sobbing on his club floor and walked away to let me, said it all. He is exactly who I


    thought he was. A cold bastard that used me for his own ends, chewed me up and spat me out. He


    does it to women every day of the week. I wasn¡¯t special in any way,


    Gino waspletely wrong.


    Joanne seems smug now, but I can guarantee she¡¯s next. Sooner rather thanter, she will be another


    sobbing mess on that club floor, and she won¡¯t be thest. I don¡¯t even take any constion from that


    thought at all, I¡¯m empty and just ¡­ done.


    I get in the car as Mico¡¯s phone rings; he closes the door on me and walks away to take the call. I¡¯m left


    sitting here numb and devoid of life. Staring at the back of my driver¡¯s head while he dys the


    inevitable with a dumb phone call.


    My life once again being turned on its head to start somewhere else, somewhere new with a new wave


    of strangers who will no doubt use me to some advantage that isn¡¯t to benefit me in any way.


    I know I look exactly how I feel. I didn¡¯t bother to fix myself after I washed my face and brushed my hair.


    Clothes wrinkled, face tear stained and limp red hair. I don¡¯t care about anything, and my appearance


    for once isn¡¯t polished and primped to conceal all I feel. I am just losing everything I am.


    I sit and stare at my own nails in myp, handsid loose and pale, like dead weights and just sit that


    way to await my fate. I am so tired all the time and that stupid flu bug I could feeling has my throat


    rasping beyond my bout of tears, my nds swelling as I sit here in the lull of activity.


    Mico wanders around the street for a few minutes talking before hees back and opens my door.


    ¡®¡¯Change of n, weather¡¯s taken a turn and all nes have been grounded until further notice, we


    have a storm brewing. I have to take you to an apartment Alexi has in the city until your flight is sorted.¡¯¡¯


    And just when I thought my dark cloud of heavy depression couldn¡¯t bear down on me any longer, there


    is this.


    ¡®¡®Why can¡¯t I just stay here until then?¡¯¡¯ I ask nkly, sick of being pushed around from pir to post all


    the time, and he hesitates. One thing I have learned about Mico these past few weeks is he¡¯s not as


    cold as his cousin, he has hints of a heart in there, and if I had to ever choose someone to feel an


    inkling of affection for in my life, it would be him.


    He also knows how to use his face from time to time to show an actual expression; maybe he could


    give Alexi a few hints.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi will be using it tonight, now you have removed yourself.¡¯¡¯ He doesn¡¯t need to spell it out, he


    means to hole up and fuck someone in all his sadistic glory and I start to cry again, even though I didn¡¯t


    think my body had anymore tears to give.


    I don¡¯t care if two men are staring at me like I have two heads and I¡¯m making them ufortable with


    my female dramatics. I am done hiding my pain; it¡¯s too big and all consuming. I don¡¯t want to feel


    anything for him anymore. I want to go back to the woman who viewed sex as a tool or a selfish


    pleasure and could turn what he did to other women out of my head with disinterest.


    I hate that he made me this way, turned it all on me, and now I cannot even imagine letting another


    man ever touch me again. He¡¯s ruined me for anyone else and he doesn¡¯t even care. Just goes back to


    his life, his fuck buddies and his apartment like I never existed.


    Mico closes my door and goes to the front of the car to get in, handing me back some tissues when he


    does and I take them with surprise, blinking through blurred damp vision at that face regarding me


    softly.


    ¡®¡®Do yourself a favour; find a life that isn¡¯t connected to him or us in any way. This world is not a ce


    for a woman, not without someone to take care of you, and it¡¯s definitely not a ce for a girl like you.


    Get out while you can.¡¯¡¯ I just look at him with a heavy heart and still my tears, sobering up with some


    real human treatment. Mico is a surprising source of it.Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡¯Maybe you¡¯re right; maybe I need a new game n, a new outlook on what¡¯s left of my life.¡¯¡¯ I lean


    back when the car starts to move and will myself not to look at that building one more time with the


    darkened windows that conceal what goes on inside. Even though I wonder if he¡¯s up there somewhere


    looking down.


    I know he won¡¯t be; why would he? That would imply I held some sort of feeling in that empty dark soul


    of his and I don¡¯t. He probably put me out of his mind the second he stopped looking at me.


    He is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life and that is really saying something.

 Chapter 59

    Chapter 59


    So the storm bes a hurricane of epic proportions and New York City is stuck in a typhoon that


    lasts two whole days. I¡¯m stuck in some lifeless, airless apartment on my own with Mico on phone


    duties should I need anything and yet it¡¯s not like I care.


    I¡¯m sick, nds all swollen and body aching with a fever. I toss and turn in bed and just can¡¯t seem to


    do anything but drift in and out of shallow sleep for small bursts. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s emotional and I¡¯m


    just run down, or I should be worrying about something more.


    Alexi never used condoms, yet he sleeps with so many women he could have given me something. I


    never thought of that aspect before, as I used to see his discarded condom wrappers in the bin when


    he has stayed over, and it never dawned on me he would be careless. I don¡¯t know why he never used


    them with me and it¡¯s not like I worried. I¡¯m not on birth control anyway, I don¡¯t need to be.


    They told me at fifteen when they operated on my internals for eighteen hours straight that the chance


    of ever conceiving a child was a million to one, my botched back street abortion, that almost killed me,


    made motherhood impossible. I almost bled to death from the tortuous treatment from some dirty quack


    that Rick made me go visit. He was so worried that my age would bring in authorities if I showed up at


    a sexual health clinic with the product of another unprotected rape.


    Clients who wouldn¡¯t wear condoms usually didn¡¯t like being asked and always ended up taking me


    forcefully. By the age of fifteen I was an empty shell and emotionally dead already, being told


    motherhood was out of the question didn¡¯t bother me in the slightest; why would I reproduce and bring


    another worthless life into this world.


    I don¡¯t bear any outward scars from all the years I endured Rick¡¯s kinks and clients. All his perversions


    were about making me feel it inside anyway he could. Toys, objects and violent sex and it amazed me


    that I still found a way to focus on enjoying the act even after he was done with me, but I guess the


    human brain can normalise anything when it¡¯s done enough.


    I only have one visible scar, hidden by a tattoo of a dandelion head on my hip. One mark where Rick


    shed me in rage because I wouldn¡¯t hold still while he drunkenly abused me. He smashed his bottle


    and somehow managed to get me across my hip bone. I had seven stitches and the stem of my tattoo


    means you never see it.


    Cleverly ced, so unless you trace it with your finger it looks like a stem and nothing more.


    A dandelion, a weed you can find everywhere. Common and ugly, unremarkable because of how many


    of them grow, until that is, it morphs into delicate light seed heads that find the wind and fly to freedom


    on the breeze. Such pretty things that have so much potential to go far, and I told myself that¡¯s what I


    was and what I was doing when I changed Lisa to Cami.


    Stupid sentiment, stupid tattoo!


    I can barely look at it at all anymore.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I guess Alexi assumed I was on something to keep pregnancy at bay, and no doubt when he got my


    bills from the hospital from my recovery, he probably already knew if I had a clean bill of sexual health.


    It was something he made sure of for all his escorts and by the way he so effortlessly included it in his


    demands, I think he¡¯s a guy who makes sure his whores are clean.


    I know I am, I got myself checked when I moved to New York and several times in the past after I was


    raped without protection. It bes as natural as breathing to check it regrly. All Toms tend to do it


    if they care about living, and it¡¯s a necessity when your life is all just sex.


    Alexi owned me, therefore he figured he could fuck me bareback and it woulde to nothing because


    all good girls in this business take care of little problems without harassing the men who caused them.


    Rick always used condoms which was my saving grace in the first few years when he abused me


    exclusively. He just couldn¡¯t stop getting hard for little girls and I thanked my lucky stars that when I


    started to mature and fill out quickly, his sexual urges towards me waned until he found someone


    younger.


    It didn¡¯t stop himing to me to let loose his sadistic side every so often though. I was one of the few


    girls who could take a beating, a brutal rape and a night of being tied and tortured relentlessly, yet still


    get up and face the world the next day.


    He tried to break me all those years, and he never won.


    As soon as I get better I will book myself into the clinic and be checked, even though Alexi is the only


    guy I have had sex with in a while. It would give me great pleasure to have Mico inform his dickhead


    boss that he gave me an STD. Somesting fucking impression that would be.


    I drag myself out of bed determined to go in search of a pharmacy for some medication to shift my epic


    headache and bruised aching nds. If it¡¯s flu then I can at least find something to ease the symptoms.


    I¡¯m just so drained in every way and fed up of lying in bed endlessly.


    Feeling low doesn¡¯t help and my emotional state is far from okay. I don¡¯t think I have slept enough,


    despite my body trying, and I just feel like a walking zombie. Sleeping pills may be an option to help me


    get some respite.


    I force myself to go out, even though Mico made it clear I should ring him if I needed anything at all. I


    figure some air and a little walk might help me shift this overall fatigue, heaviness and cotton wool


    brain. After weeks of being apartment bound and then stuck here, I maybe just need a little exercise


    and a change of scenery to feel better.


    As luxurious and well decorated as this modern man-pad is, it¡¯s still like being trapped in a five-star


    prison, and I am sick of being behind walls all the time.


    The weather is awful, still windy, pouring with rain andpletely hostile. I barely get two streets,


    struggling to face the onught ofshing rain when I realise this was a dumb idea and I should never


    have ventured this far. It was a struggle to get here, and I am so out of breath I can barely gasp enough


    oxygen to fill my lungs. I am so run down and sick and I overestimated my ability to venture outside.


    Alexi¡¯s apartment is in Manhattan upper east, so I find myself surrounded by swanky bars and


    restaurants with how far I havee and duck into the nearest one for a little shelter, so I can catch my


    breath and possibly drum up enough strength to head back again.


    I look drowned, my jeans clinging to me and moulding my jumper to my body. My ponytail is slick, water


    running down my back and my jacket is almost transparent it is so moisture filled. I never bought a


    jacket for extreme weather and this wind catcher is useless.


    I start coughing like crazy, my throat aching with the effort and the concierge just looks at me like I am


    clearly in the wrong ce.


    ¡®¡®Can I help you?¡¯¡¯ Some upper-ss bitch in a taupe dress, tapping her menus on her hips asks.


    Ironically, she looks a lot like me on a good day and if I wasn¡¯t dying of the lurgy I would sass her right


    back. Instead, I¡¯m already trembling with a mix of exertion, sickness and cold from the rain. Pondering


    how to get back home without passing out on the way. I feel so much worse and I am starting to sweat,


    despite shivering crazily.


    ¡®¡¯Just need shelter for a moment before I brave the weather again.¡¯¡¯ I answer with haughtiness and my


    ent alone makes her pipe down. It¡¯s one of the reasons I worked so hard on perfecting that well


    known English dialect over the moremon one I was given in life. It exudes ss and sexiness and


    now it is as natural as breathing and I don¡¯t have to try anymore.


    People here tend to immediately assume you¡¯re royalty or upper-crust with the exact andzy slurring


    of some sybles. It¡¯s why I drop the R in ¡®¡®Dahling¡¯¡¯ in such a dramatic way ¡­ people eat it up like I¡¯m


    the Princess of Wales.


    She double takes my outfit in a moment of doubt and I can almost see her summarising the likelihood I


    am of importance. Sodden jeans, a light jumper under a soaked pale jacket with no makeup, pasty


    pallor and red -rimmed eyes, my hair stered to my head and a swollen neck. Drowned rat chic. I just


    roll my eyes and take the hint that I am lowering the tone of her snooty establishment by being


    underdressed.


    ¡®¡¯Never mind, I¡¯m leaving.¡¯¡¯ Ites out a little strained and raspy as my voice breaks, hurting my throat


    more, so I cringe with the sharp grating pain I get from swallowing and just exhale heavily that when life


    gives me lemons, it likes to throw them all at my fucking head.


    I turn to walk out, moving to dodge iing people, and walk straight into the chest of one of the


    iing customers using umbres to shield them from the weather as he appears from behind the


    group. Hurting myself with a thud due to how frail my body feels and almost fall until the stranger


    catches hold of me and rights me on my feet, soaking his overcoat in the process.


    ¡®¡¯Sorry ¡­ I¡¯m just ¡­¡¯¡¯ I break into a coughing fit, scratchy throat prevailing as I chuck up a lung, trying to


    catch my breath and end up leaning forward in a bid not to choke. I know I must be a pitiful sight and as


    a familiar voice pours over me, despite my position, it makes my body recoil.


    I would know that voice anywhere, and I am in no way prepared to hear it right now.


    ¡®¡®Cami? What the hell are you doing out here?¡¯¡¯ I jerk back up as the umbre recedes into the hands


    of the ck-clothed escorts and realise I am face to face with Alexi Carrero, his shadow of entourage


    and his busty date in the doorway of a Five-star restaurant.


    FUUUUUUUUCKKKK!


    I straighten up, regain a tiny ounce ofposure and try to act like being caught half drowned while


    sheltering unwantedly in a plush pad ispletely normal for me. Not out of ce or sick at all.


    Despite how ourst encounter yed out, and how much of my heart and soul he has destroyed with


    his toxic self in thest few months, my heart still somersaults at the sight of him and my eyes hone in


    on the woman in searing jealousy that bites harder than my cough.


    She doesn¡¯t look street whore, she looks like a blue blood, in the money, mafia boss¡¯s daughter in a


    way, and she¡¯s linked to his arm like a dog in heat scanning me with very suspicious eyes.


    I really do not need this at all and as I sniff and cough my way into the gap to get past them I just try to


    avoid himpletely. I am no match and therefore I am doing the first sensible thing I have done when


    ites to him and one action I shall adopt from now on, getting the hell away from him; my eyes


    down to the ground and nking him out.


    ¡®¡¯Looking for a chemist, see you around.¡¯¡¯ I toss back at him without following with my eyes and make a


    break for it.

 Chapter 60

    Chapter 60


    My heart hammering in my chest at being around him again, but I won¡¯t put myself through his kind of


    hell anymore. I don¡¯t get very far when that cruel griptches on to my arm, and I am swung against a


    wall out of the way. Heart sinking that he can never just leave me alone, even when he is the one


    telling me to get out of his life. He¡¯s relentless, like a goddamn dog after a bone, and for someone who


    wanted me gone he isn¡¯t doing a good job of letting me go.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ll be there in a few minutes, this is an employee who should be elsewhere right now.¡¯¡¯ He smiles to


    the group I now see are with him, and realise this is a dinner outing of more than just him and needy


    over there. A few sets of upper ss eyes and a sparkling formal dress glint my way before they are


    ushered off by more ck suits.


    Alexi is left gripping me harshly, all smooth, smile and charm until they are out of sight. It drops the


    second we are left alone, and even the concierge had the sense to walk off with a dubious look our


    way. I feel my sanity go with her, so deted and exhausted and I sniff, coughing into my hand as


    another wave of dry convulsions that make me wretch hits me.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    My throat burns with the effort and I wish I had the sense to just ask for a ss of water at least. Alexi


    turns back on me coldly after watching his party depart, confident they are out of sight and earshot.


    ¡®¡¯You were told to stay put, what the hell are you doing here?¡¯¡¯ Same usual hateful tone and detion


    just consumes me. I can¡¯t take this on top of everything else that this man throws at me, and I p his


    hand off me angrily, sick to death of him and finding myst ounce of energy to bark right back.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck off. You don¡¯t control me anymore, it¡¯s not like any threat of punishment means anything either.


    I¡¯d happily let you snap my fucking neck the way I am feeling.¡¯¡¯ I turn on my heel to head towards the


    awful elements once again and get yanked back by the back of my jacket abruptly, and pulled into a


    little outer apex of hallway that is shielded from the inner restaurant, by my hood. I struggle and twist to


    yank it free, but he has me dangling like a bratty child.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m in no fucking mood. You were told to stay put and call Mico if you needed anything; you¡¯re soaked


    through, look like hell and in a ce you shouldn¡¯t be.¡¯¡¯ He rasps at me, losing his famous cool ever so


    quickly.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sorry, did I embarrass you while out with your girlfriend? Does Joanne know she¡¯s not your one


    and only?¡¯¡¯ I droll hatefully, silky sweet venom rolling off my tongue. He just looks like he really will


    strangle me this time, but I no longer care, sickness has a way of making everything around you


    unimportant and blurred out because all you can focus on is how close to death you feel.


    I was never good at being sick. I have a shitty reaction to all kinds of bugs and illnesses, and when I


    get them they all go the same way, horrid all-consuming fever and sweats when they hit their peak and


    I can feel that¡¯s where I am heading. Alexi just res at me.


    ¡®¡¯You really never know when to just shut up, do you?¡¯¡¯ Alexi snaps at me and this time I am roughly


    grabbed by the top shoulder of my jacket as he marches me outside, not even asking me to walk with


    him. Not that I would go willingly.


    My head swims and I stumble with dizziness for a second, which only gets me lifted by my clothes,


    manhandled aggressively. I am half dragged, half pushed out into the street as one of his familiar


    securitye rushing with an umbre to shield Lord Carrero from the rain.


    Alexi just keeps throwing me forward at speed until I¡¯m ushered to a car, which he opens and


    practically tosses me inside. I don¡¯t even fight or react, there is nothing left of me to do so and I just


    want to lie down. My head''s circling, brain throbbing and vision blotching. I¡¯m close to passing out and I


    need to be alone to get over this. I move over to get away from him when I hit the leather seat,


    expecting him to shut the door and scramble to the other side, surprised when he follows me in.


    What the hell?


    I don¡¯t even care; I gave up trying to work out why this man ever does anything he does anymore. I just


    make sure there is enough distance that he will stop touching me now he has me locked in here with


    him. I think of getting out the other side but one look at the heavens raining down out there and how


    shitty I feel, I just sink back and rest my head back on the rest behind my skull to give myself a few


    seconds respite.


    ¡®¡¯Go tell my date and my party I¡¯ll be back, I have been temporarily called away for a moment.¡¯¡¯ He


    orders the driver who immediately dives out of the car and heads to the man with the brolly. I guess it¡¯s


    a game of Chinese whispers and he¡¯s back in a fraction of the time.


    Alexi is smoothing the rain from his coat and just turns to me. I, on the other hand, am far beyond being


    able to wipe water off, and I am already shivering from the effects. My body feels volcanic and yet I¡¯m


    trembling involuntarily now I am off my jelly legs.


    I don¡¯t have any fight in me and I just sink lower into the padded seat and let my throbbing head take


    over.


    ¡®¡®Pharmacy, then apartment ¡­ Now, what¡¯s wrong with you? What do you need?¡¯¡¯ Alexi is back in


    unemotional mode and I wonder if this is because he doesn¡¯t trust me to go home and stay out of his


    way; he¡¯s going to deposit me and probably shackle me to his apartment, just for the hell of it.


    ¡®¡¯A morgue maybe, I think I¡¯m dying from Alexi rted diseases.¡¯¡¯ I answer sarcastically. Lifting my


    head, I look his way warily and earn myself another furrowed brow of disdain. He looks like he always


    does, except in a tux and annoyingly groomed. No hints of what¡¯s going on in that brain on the surface.


    ¡®¡¯Hardly. I make sure I¡¯m clean on a regr basis. You¡¯re sick; what is it? Flu?¡¯¡¯ He hasn¡¯t got a suave


    bedside manner, despite probably making a hot doctor and I just shrug at him.


    There goes my idea he¡¯s riddled me with sex diseases then.


    ¡®¡®If you¡¯re lucky maybe it¡¯s the gue.¡¯¡¯ Would probably be a blessing for him if I died of a horrible


    disease suddenly. I jump when he puts a hand on my forehead and p him away again impulsively,


    burning from his touch and the ignition of fury. I am surprised by that gesture but nothing should


    surprise me where he is concerned anymore. Alexi does shit for God knows what reason, and I will


    have an aneurysm if I even begin to dig at theyers and depths of how his mind works.


    ¡®¡®You have a fever, you¡¯re hot and unwell and you should be in bed.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯No shit, you know I happen to feel it and I don¡¯t need your powers of psychic to tell me I¡¯m running a


    temperature. I weirdly did manage to summarise that I might be sick all on my own.¡¯¡¯ I lose all strength


    in my voice, giving up physically and sink back down again, lowering my chin when the car starts


    moving. I may want to spit and scratch at him but my body is reminding me that I am in no fit state at


    all. I am barely holding on, I just want to go back to bed and a million miles away from him.


    Alexi tells the driver to find a Duane Reade and turns back to me with a concerned look that spikes my


    mistrust and anxiety about this man.


    ¡®¡¯Why are you being nice to me?¡¯¡¯ I turn to him with a look of suspicion. Alexi only does what helps


    Alexi, and he¡¯s not known for gantry orpassion, especially when ites to me. After how


    things ended, this is thest thing I expected from him at all.


    He just ignores me and pulls out his phone to answer the vibration it''s making. I leave him to it and turn


    my head to the window to watch the rainsh down on us while we move through the streets. New York


    is a city full of interesting sights and this part of it is both strangely and architecturally pretty yet


    intimidating all the same. People rushing about under umbres and cars whizzing past in the busy


    streets, despite the horrendous weather.


    ¡®¡¯Do you have water and food in the apartment, has Mico been checking in?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s said softly, so much


    so, that at first, I don¡¯t even think he¡¯s talking to me and jump when he touches me. Flinching and


    moving away pathetically, afraid of any contact from him at all.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m not hungry and it hurts to swallow, I just need some pills and a bed. I¡¯ll sleep it off and sweat it out.


    I¡¯m a big girl ¡­ I don¡¯t need anyone to take care of me or check in, I never did.¡¯¡¯ This time I don¡¯t look at


    him, I just continue watching the rain and impulsively trail my finger down the ss to follow a huge


    drop which moves so slowly it seems suspended in time. Focused on the small things to try and block


    him out. I draw a tiny circle around where it hits the outer rubber of the window and then go back up


    midway to trace a new fat drop as it makes the same repetitive path.


    Alexi taps his thumb on his leg and remains silent.

 Chapter 61

    Chapter 61


    I don¡¯t care what he¡¯s thinking about, I just want to get my medicine and be left alone for all time. His


    presence is like a lead weight and as much as I have ached to see him for the past Fort-Eight hours, I


    realise that it just reminds me how much I hate him, hate what he¡¯s capable of making me feel.


    ¡®¡¯Here.¡¯¡¯ He holds out his handkerchief to me and despite wanting to push it away I have water running


    down my face and a nose that¡¯s running like crazy, I ept it despite wanting to tell him where to go


    and just avoid eye contact once again.


    ¡®¡¯Stop being nice, I don¡¯t like it and it just makes me suspicious of your motives, which means I can¡¯t


    rx.¡¯¡¯ I snap childishly and start drying my skin, dabbing my face and blowing my nose as discreetly


    as I can. As soon as I have done all I can I just sag, so I face nk my own knees and sigh heavily;


    face against the damp rough fabric but being horizontal is far better than upright as another wave of


    dizziness overtakes my brain. He¡¯s the worst kind of headache and I don¡¯t need more.


    ¡®¡®What are you doing?¡¯¡¯ His annoying tone grates on my nerves. I close my eyes to nk him out


    feeling surreal and dreamy as my fever ups a gear and starts to seep over my entire body.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m so sick.¡¯¡¯ I can¡¯t face sitting up, it¡¯s better to be down here, my voice is getting croaky with every


    attempt at talking and I wish I had nevere out at all. The weather has made this a hundred times


    worse, and I just want to close my eyes and sleep it off while he has us driven across town to get what I


    need. For a moment I am actually grateful he decided to drive me.


    ¡®¡®Take this off, it¡¯s making you cold.¡¯¡¯ Alexi tugs at my jacket but I just yank away from him again.


    ¡®¡®Cooling me down, so it stays on.¡¯¡¯ I battle, half coherently without opening my eyes and I can even


    hear the slur in my own speech. I am not really enjoying being in soaked clothes but I have zero energy


    to lift myself back up and I don¡¯t want him to know how weak I really am in this state. My legs have


    turned to lead, and my body is giving up on me. That wave of fatigue hitting me hard and I tell myself if


    I just rest my eyes for a few minutes then the overwhelming sense of falling will pass.


    ¡®¡¯Stop fighting me Cam, just for once.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds fed up and I ignore him, curling my arms around


    my head and just close my eyes tightly to block him out. I know my position is fucking weird, but it¡¯s


    helping me feel less crap and also has the added benefit of not having to look at the arsehole or


    acknowledge him in any way.


    Wonder what happened to London? Guess that was just a cute name when he was trying to keep me


    under the thumb. He has decided to give me the heave-ho, so the pet name is gone too.


    Wanker!


    ¡®¡®Whatever.¡¯¡¯ I answer softly, letting the motion of the car soothe me as my body hits the extreme


    shivers, only this time I get a wave of cold enveloping me on top of them and I try to block it out. Letting


    my body give in to the feeling of rxation, and just let darkness move in for a little while to give me


    some relief.


    I jump with the jerk that jolts through my body and try to sit up in rm, failing epically as heaviness


    pulls me back own. Confused, dazed and realising I¡¯m topless, just in a bra and Alexi is yanking my wet


    trousers down my legs. I have no clue where the hell I am as I was just sitting in his car thirty seconds


    ago and I don¡¯t know how I even got in here.


    I¡¯m so out of it, it¡¯s like I am on something, wondering if he would drug me to bepliant and


    remember I never took anything from him to get this way. It must be the fever hitting me full blown as I


    am so out of whack I am practically walking on clouds.


    I seem to be on the bed of the apartment I have been staying in. Mico is setting up a tray by my bed


    with an assortment of fluids and medicines before switching on the TV on the wall behind him. I have


    no idea which reality I just woke up in where Carrero men are bedside nurses and Alexi is willingly


    looking after me.Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®¡®What the hell are you doing?¡¯¡¯ I blurt out groggily, my voice weird and speech slurred and incoherent


    and theny very still as another wave of dizziness overtakes me, losing my fierce as vulnerable and


    weak takeover.


    ¡®¡®Taking your wet clothes off, you¡¯re burning up and I need to cool you down, get you dry.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t need your help.¡¯¡¯ I try verbally again, crazily disorientated to the point everything is swaying and


    I can barely focus. I toss on the bed as bright colours obscure my vision and jump when I realise Mico


    has duplicated and there¡¯s two of him.


    No.


    Four wandering across the room throwing me a weird look and then his whole self blurs out of focus


    and everything blends into one weird coloured mass. I try to roll but my body feels weirdly unconnected


    to me and the weight surrounding me might possibly be my limbs which have ceased to function. I can¡¯t


    open my eyes properly anymore.


    Shit, I think I¡¯m sicker than I thought.


    ¡®¡¯Yet here I am.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds different, normal, far away and I toss and turn again in a bid to clear my


    head and shift the overwhelming sensation of heat and cold waving through my body in intervals. I¡¯m


    jerked again as he pulls the legs of my trousers free and all I¡¯m left in is wet underwear, somehow


    aware that I¡¯m lying on a bed mostly naked, and yet I feel detached from reality as though I¡¯m stuck in a


    bubble in my mind and the normal world is getting to be so far away.


    ¡®¡®You can¡¯t put her on a flight like this. Airports are starting to open in the morning ording to Jake but


    no way in hell is she fit for a journey.¡¯¡¯ Mico¡¯s voice waves through and I give up trying to look where it¡¯s


    coming from. I close my eyes and rx into the sensation of being bodiless. Stop fighting and be


    weightless, so I can fly around the room like a dandelion seed.


    Maybe I am that weed after all and I finally found my way to flying free on the breeze.


    ¡®¡¯I know, I can see her you know? She needs a doctor, call Wilson. We need to cool her down, she¡¯s


    spiking a fever.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds almost human for a moment, I hardly recognise him and wonder if he is


    different when he¡¯s alone with his family. He sounds more like his brother and for a moment I forget


    how much I despise him.


    ¡®¡¯Go to your dinner, I can take care of her. I¡¯ll get Wilson up here and do whatever he says.¡¯¡¯ Mico


    sounds like his normal solid self and I think I like him, really. He¡¯s not the hard arse bastard I thought he


    was, and he genuinely seems to give a shit. I have never really felt threatened around him, never got


    the vibes he was undressing me in his head, and he has never touched me sexually or inappropriately


    apart from that time he bodily carried me to the car.


    ¡®¡¯You were already supposed to be taking care of her, yet I find her walking the streets in this state. No


    one checked on her to see how she was in two days? Did you know she was sick? What the fuck do I


    pay you for? She looks like hell.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds pissed but I¡¯m literally washing away on an


    ufortable hot breeze that feels more like I am being baked in a sauna. I swear I¡¯m sweating and


    my face feels damp and mmy as sunlight burns my skin off, it¡¯s suddenly very bright in here and I


    couldn¡¯t open my eyes anymore if I tried.


    ¡®¡¯You told me to get rid of her, you didn¡¯t tell me to babysit. I was running around doing shit you told me


    to do.¡¯¡¯ Mico is snapping back. I have never heard him disobey or argue with Alexi. Alexi seems to


    disregard his petnce, surprisingl. Seems he only punishes women for talking back.


    ¡®¡¯Go turn the shower on and turn the temp down to lukewarm I¡¯ll take her in there. If she keeps getting


    hotter she might have a seizure.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re just sending her mixed signals Lex, leave her to me and just go. She got the message loud and


    clear ¡­ she knows you don¡¯t give a shit and want her gone, all this does is confuse things.¡¯¡¯

 Chapter 62

    Chapter 62


    I¡¯m surprised to hear Mico talking so candidly to someone he never seems to question. I guess they


    think I am totally out cold and can''t hear them talking around me, because let¡¯s face it, I am nked out


    star-shaped on a bed with a dead expression, closed eyes and barely able to move and I probably look


    like I am in aa.


    I wish I was, and maybe I would not feel so wretched or out of my head on crazy hallucinogens.


    I like Mico, he¡¯s a thug and a brutal henchman, but I like the fact he¡¯s probably the first person I have


    ever met that shows any concern for me, except maybe Gino. He seemed to do that too for a brief


    moment in that posh house so very far away.


    I wonder why he has a family home that he never uses.


    Focus Cami ¡­ stop floating off on the sea breeze.


    Jesus, I am definitely high.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re not taking her in the shower or stripping her, I¡¯m the only one who¡¯s going to do that.¡¯¡¯ There''s


    that edge of possessiveness and I literally cannot move a muscle. I feel paralysed from the waist down


    and yet the weird dreamlike state is doing a great job of not caring about anything anymore. It¡¯s like


    being merry drunk just, you know, without the merry and just the drunk.


    ¡®¡®What, you don¡¯t trust me? You think I¡¯m going to do anything to her? I have more respect for her than


    anyone ¡­ More than you fucking do. You need toy off her, let her go and realise who you¡¯re fucking


    throwing usations at. You may be the family front man Lex, but I¡¯m still a Carrero and an equal voice


    in how things go down.¡¯¡¯ Mico sounds angry and I wish I could open my eyes to see what they¡¯re doing.


    It¡¯s weird listening to an argument when your brain is blocking out any sense of what they are


    physically doing and ying the sound of rushing waves in your ears at loud levels.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t trust anyone when ites to her, she¡¯s bad news and I curse the day she walked into my life.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡¯All the more reason to just go. I¡¯ll make sure she gets well, and then I¡¯ll take her to Chicago and leave


    her there like you nned. She will be out of your hair and off Santagato¡¯s radar for good.¡¯¡¯ I hold still


    as I listen intently and a part of me reconnects with my heart beating faster, a tiny ounce of hope that


    this is the reason he did this to me, to protect me from that man, and that maybe I was right, that night


    did mean something.


    Like a homing beacon in outer space that just locked onto an Earth signal, my braines zooming


    back to perk up and listen intently for any slight hope that my devil is doing something for me because


    there is something in him that cares about me. ¡®¡¯I should have let her die that night at the hands of


    Tyler¡¯s men ¡­¡®¡® Alexi trails off, the room falling deathly silent and I feel that weight crushing in on me as


    my orbit implodes, the pain thates from the things he says cuts me to the core, spinning me out


    into space and I realise how many times he¡¯s done this to me.


    He builds me up with a hint of hope or softness and then shes me down brutally and destroys my


    head. I¡¯m an idiot to ever give myself any false hope where Alexi is concerned. I will never learn. He will


    never care, he cannot stand me.


    ¡®¡®You¡¯re a son of a bitch sometimes you know that? She¡¯s better off a million miles away from this


    bullshit. The girl needs a decent break. Someone out there who will look after her and show her


    another life.¡¯¡¯ Mico sounds pissed, judgemental and I stay still as a statue as I just try to breathe


    through my disembodied ache, trying not to cry, and trying to stay conscious as darkness keeps


    tugging at me to follow it out into the silence.


    ¡®¡®So you keep telling me, women like her, they end up where they belong.¡¯¡¯ Alexi making it very clear


    that this is a feeling of responsibility and nothing else.


    Women like me ¡­ whores, liars and opportunists.


    That¡¯s what he thinks I am, and all he sees is a jaded vessel who has been used by too many men.


    I give up on my sad little ray of hope and just feel dishevelled once more. Trying hard to block them out


    and really pass out. Willing to give in to the darkness before he does any more mental damage to me.


    Someone starts pulling my body but I can barely feel their hands on me. I¡¯m not connected anymore


    and do not react at all, allowing myself to be hauled down the bed and manoeuvred. It just sends me


    further towards the darkness and I struggle to stay conscious this time, failing badly.


    ¡®¡®Well, I¡¯ll make it my goal to make sure she ends up somewhere decent then, away from you, us and


    all the shit that goes with it. The girl needs a break in life,¡¯¡¯ Mico bites as I drift away so fast I can¡¯t stop


    it and I finally get the relief of falling through the air to go nestle in the darkness where it¡¯s painless,


    quiet and still.


    A ce where strong arms and warmth wrap around me and I start floating as we travel through space.


    I wake up in bed, tucked in nice and cleanly with a nightdress on and a much clearer head; I feel less


    unwell yet still fragile and bruised with a lingering temperature. That cotton wool head is not as severe,


    and my throat no longer feels like razor des are lodged in the passage. I think it must have been a


    virus andst night it hit its peak with a little help from a New York thunderstorm.


    This is what my body does, it gets sick and lingers for days and then WHAM like a sh flood it will


    spike, knock me for six for an intense twelve hours and flush it out of my system. It¡¯s how I have been


    my whole life.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    I jump when a girl wanders through from the bathroom and smiles at me, catching mepletely by


    surprise as I assumed I was alone. She looks no more than a teenager and I gawp at her withplete


    suspicion, no idea who she is or why she¡¯s wandering the apartment like some sort of candy-striper.


    ¡®¡®Who are you?¡¯¡¯ I blink at her defensively, struggling to sit up and pull the bed clothes up over the


    nightdress I now seem to be wearing. I don¡¯t stop to question who took my underwear off and put this


    on instead, and I don¡¯t think I want to know when only two men were herest night.


    ¡®¡¯Hi there. Sorry. Didn¡¯t mean to give you a fright. I¡¯m Reba, Mico said I was to take care of you until


    he gets back.¡¯¡¯ She fidgets awkwardly, and I scan her up and down with open spection. She¡¯s


    dressed in jeans, a jumper and trainers, her blond hair up in a ponytail and I just regard her for a long


    moment.


    A youthful looking fresh-faced teen with freckles, dimples and sweet brown eyes. Poster child for


    wholesome American youth.


    ¡®¡¯Who are you, exactly?¡¯¡¯ I pull myself to sit up and blink at the bright light that catches me from the ts


    in the blind. Covering my eyes I notice a ss of water on the bedside tray, propped beside an array of


    supplies from the chemist that Mico left.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m Mico¡¯s fianc¨¦e¡¯s sister; Mandy was herest night ,but she had to go to work and left me with you.


    I¡¯m your nurse, sort of, for today.¡¯¡¯ She lookspletely normal. Not like a gangster¡¯s sister-inw to be


    and wonder what kind of family allows their daughter to date a crazy mobster. This looks like a perky


    college girl from some cheesy American teen movie and not some second generation Italian who


    knows the score and turns a blind eye to the underworld activities.


    ¡®¡®Why did he make youe here? And Mandy, is she Mico¡¯s fianc¨¦e?¡¯¡¯ I blink at her, not getting this at


    all, I¡¯m sure I could have survived one night without some random girl seeing me butt naked and


    dressing me in my own negligee. It was just a fever or, some viral infection, and I feel tons better this


    morning. Alexi overreacted and Mico, well, he just did as he was told and now he¡¯s making sure he


    doesn¡¯t get yelled at again.


    ¡®¡¯Well you were really sick. Mandy is a nurse, so we helped him get youfortable as you were out of


    it all night and yeah Mandy and Mico go way back to kindergarten and fell in love. How are you feeling


    today?¡¯¡¯


    I honestly do not know how to deal with this girl, her concern seems genuine, and she¡¯s annoyingly


    sweet and almost likeable. It¡¯s weird to know I am missing a chunk of my night whileplete


    strangers took care of my unconscious body. I don¡¯t think I have had anything like that happen outside


    of a hospital in the many times I dragged myself to one.


    ¡®¡¯Better, weak, but not like I was. What happened to Alexi?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out before I can monitor my stupid


    mouth, heart sinking and knowing I¡¯m just setting myself up for another p to my pride. He was here, I


    remember him sort of, I remember something about being in water with his face beside mine, but I think


    I was dreaming.


    ¡®¡¯Lex was here until after one; until your fever broke and you started to cool. He left when you were


    calm and stopped thrashing around and talking in your sleep. Wilson his doctor was here, he gave you


    some injections to help you get better and told us to let you rest.¡¯¡¯


    He stayed long enough to know I was pulling through the worst and not running my mouth off probably.


    Although it doesn¡¯t sound like someone who doesn¡¯t care. He would have missed his entire dinner if he


    stayed till after midnight and I know how much he hates having to rework ns. He¡¯s anal about never


    beingte for anything, except when he has me waiting on him, then hepletely disregards time. I


    have no idea what to make of that at all. Doesn¡¯t fit the guy who nked me for two weeks and then


    threatened to snap my neck.


    ¡®¡®Talking in my sleep ¡­ what about?¡¯¡¯ I sidestep, trying not to over analyse it, knowing how much of a


    head fuck he can be. I am, however,pletely rmed at the talking out while high on fever, but the


    girl just shrugs nonchntly.


    ¡®¡¯Bad dreams, obviously just nightmares about monsters and pain, random things like calling out not to


    hurt you. You must have been hallucinating badly as you were making no sense and your dreams must


    have been something awful. Lex kept trying to keep you calm and still.¡¯¡¯ She flutters and smiles at the


    mention of his name and I get that creep of heat and try to shake it away, hoping to God he never


    clicked that I was crying out from memory and that in my dreams I do still see and feel the monsters.

 Chapter 63

    Chapter 63


    People like him that did awful things. It would both fuel that wicked brain with more emotional tools and


    probably give him a sadistic kick. I quickly distract myself by picking up on a weird detail in what she


    said instead and let it go.


    ¡®¡¯You call him Lex? I can¡¯t see him as a Lex somehow.¡¯¡¯ I try to move her onto something less raw and


    to the bone, distracting her instead with something menial. Only people I ever hear calling him that are


    his cousin and brother, it¡¯s oddly personal. I look her up and down not sure what to make of that


    obvious affection, even for him she¡¯s a bit young. She doesn¡¯t look old enough to have even left school


    yet. I never pegged him for that kind, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that he could be, and I


    just never realised it.


    No better than Rick and his tastes in young girls. I find it repulsive to think of him looking at someone


    like her in that way, and yet I can¡¯t ignore that tiny bite of jealousy, stupidly.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯ve known him my whole life, I consider him like an honorary uncle or even like an older brother, he


    can be intimidating sometimes but I like him.¡¯¡¯ No hint of a lie, the kid is smitten in a family connected


    way¡ªinnocent and na?ve. She¡¯s clearly deranged but clearly NOT sexually connected. Knowing that


    she sees him as family makes me feel better, immediately relieved even if there¡¯s something wrong


    with her.


    I guess family is different though, Sophie seemed to have genuine affection for him too and I wonder


    what it is they see in him. I guess she gets to see a different side to him than most and it makes me


    realise even more so how much my hopes of meaning something to him are based on fantasy.


    If he cared, I would have as much insight into the other side of him as the little girl standing in front of


    me. Someone he allows to see beyond what he is in this world if there is another side to him. The hints


    of softness I saw in fleeting moments that he obviously lets those he cares about see fully. Yet another


    sharp reminder that he never let me behind that barrier once.


    Let it go, Cami ¡­ Let him go. You can¡¯t make him love you and he clearly had a sense of obligation


    over carest night. He wants me gone and probably didn¡¯t want me to die on his turf, or in his


    apartment.


    I should just stick with the n and start my life somewhere else, get my head straight and sort my


    heart out; go back to my numb existence where I had freedom to y men for my own benefit.


    When did I be this woman? Head on a man obsessively, letting it overtake every part of my


    thoughts to the point he effects all my decisions and needs. I¡¯m losing my marbles, losing my sense of


    self and bing pathetic. I used to watch girls like this, going gaga over some suave man with a nice


    smile, andpletely pity them for their naivety and weakness.


    I swore it would never be me.


    I had seen all the faces of men and the masks they wore and I would never be duped by one,


    especially not one like Alexi Carrero. The worst kind of all.


    How the hell did I go from that to falling hopelessly for someone like him? He never once made me feel


    like he would treat me well, trust me, give me a rtionship or even care about me, and yet I went and


    fell for him anyway. Against all the odds the girl who could feel nothing for nobody loves the man who


    doesn¡¯t even like her. A man who is incapable of loving anyone like me.


    I guess being abused for all those years really did screw me up.


    ¡®¡®Well thank you, you don¡¯t need to stick around, I feel like I could take care of myself now.¡¯¡¯ Like I


    always did and always do.


    ¡®¡¯It¡¯s no hassle Mico ising by soon to shift swap and is bringing soup, he feels bad that he didn¡¯t


    know you were sick.¡¯¡¯ I don¡¯t really know how that makes me feel.


    ¡®¡¯Mico is genuinely a nice guy and the world doesn¡¯t have many of those. Really though, I am a big girl


    and I can get up.¡¯¡¯ I never saw thating either. Soup?


    Although he has never given me a reason to dislike him at all in the past months, he just never said


    much to me and kept his distance so that I never really got to know what he was really like.


    I haven¡¯t really known any decent nice guys in my time; the circles I moved in and the acquaintances I


    made in my chosen path brought me only men who always had motives. Like Alexi, he had something


    to gain from me and is now discarding me after he has gotten it. I don¡¯t know how to feel knowing that


    someone is willing to take care of me because I am sick for no reason other than he wants to; it makes


    me feel uneasy in a way. I know there isn¡¯t a reason not to trust him, but my gut never trusts anyone.


    I¡¯m not used to kindness.


    ¡®¡¯You clearly don¡¯t know many Carrero men then. The whole family are poster children for great DNA


    and amazing guys; my heart is on a certain young Carrero by the name of Anjelo. Hottest guy I have


    everid eyes on and I swear if he fills out like Gino and Lex, I won¡¯t make it to my next birthday still a


    virgin, he has crazy kissing skills.¡¯¡¯


    Shepletely gushes like teens do and I curb the urge to eye roll. Stupid girl with no clue what a can


    of worms men and sex can be. I also happen to think she really doesn¡¯t know much about men if she¡¯s


    lumping Alexi in the ¡®¡¯Carrero pool of wonderful men¡¯¡¯ list.


    ¡®¡®Don¡¯t rush into sex. Once it¡¯s gone you can¡¯t get it back and it changes everything, trust me, I know.¡¯¡¯ I


    sound friendly enough but the hint of warning in my tone isn¡¯t missed and she looks instantly sober.


    No idea why I even feel like I should be giving any sort of advice to flippant young girls I don¡¯t even


    know. I don¡¯t care about the lives of others, and I have no space for those kinds ofplications or


    problems. No one in the world ever cared about mine or me, so I learned to never care about anyone


    else. It¡¯s cleaner, easier, and avoids a lot of headaches and drama.


    ¡®¡¯Are you and Lex dating? It¡¯s just ¡­ he seemed concerned about you, I don¡¯t normally see him too hot


    about women.¡¯¡¯ She sits on the edge of the bed uninvited with wide probing eyes, youthfully curious


    and I just sigh at her knowing when I have no chance of shaking loose some young cling on.


    ¡®¡¯No, I work for him. We sort of bumped into one anotherst night and I guess he felt responsible


    because I was obviously sick.¡¯¡¯ She has that sniffing for gossip look that I used to see on the girls I was


    lumped with under Rick¡¯smand. I learned fast that women are devious witches who use any tiny


    titbit of information as a weapon to further their own needs and it was a great life lesson on when to


    keep your mouth shut and your thoughts private.


    ¡®¡¯Ahhh, well you¡¯re probably not going to like the fact your boss took a naked shower with you to cool


    you down. You were crazily hot, and he was worried you would have a seizure.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®What?¡¯¡¯ I literally gawp at her, fragments of memory making sense, but none of it does. I literally just


    stare at her as though I am not hearing her right, trying to pull back fuzzy memories without much


    sess. I do have a vague recollection of listening to Alexi talk to me under a constant stream of cool


    fluid, but it¡¯s so far away and lost in the recess of my brain I cannot fully conjure it up.


    ¡®¡¯I mean you were naked, not him, he was wearing pants. He just walked you in there and kept you


    under the jets until you levelled out a bit. He had to do it a few times before you finally started to cool,


    you were pretty out of it and hallucinating like crazy.¡¯¡¯ She shrugs and pulls herself onto the bed


    properly to cross her legs, with a devilish gleam in her eye at the thought that she thinks it¡¯s shocking


    my boss saw me in the nude.


    Personally, I find it more shocking that he took the time to care for me and I can¡¯t begin to get my head


    around that.


    Stop trying to figure him out.


    ¡®¡®Well I¡¯m d I was out cold then.¡¯¡¯ I deflect, not wanting to dig into that little mess or admit I have been


    naked with Alexi more than once.


    ¡®¡¯He was very clear about no one else getting to see you that way. He dried you and wrapped you up


    before he let us put your nightdress on over your head. It¡¯s nice by the way, feels divine it must have


    been expensive.¡¯¡¯


    Possessive, ownership. Of course, he wouldn¡¯t want anyone else to sample his goods, he still thinks


    that I belong to him and him alone, it is all he knows.


    I do admire how the girl can change direction in conversation with a click though, a typical teen with a


    lack of focus. It makes it easier to sway her far away from a topic that is making me tense.


    ¡®¡¯Thanks, I believe in quality, it¡¯s one of my few indulgences in life. Nice clothes, special lingerie and you


    get what you pay for.¡¯¡¯ A necessity in this business and one thing I did strive to do as I created Cami


    was to up my wardrobe to what I could afford and keep on improving.


    ss, elegance, a fa?ade of opulence and great taste. It brought in the men with money who believed


    in that sentiment exactly, you pay for quality.


    I mean, isn¡¯t that why Alexi chose to make me his club hostess? I can exude the essence of upper


    ss, royally raised hostess easily. Even if it¡¯s so far from the truth it¡¯s almostughable. I spent years


    devouring all the TV programs I could, read magazines and mimicked the royals. The inte gave me


    ess to elocution videos and even simple things like how to get in and out of a car, which cutlery to


    use at a five star dinner, the proper terms in social politeness and of course ¡­ using seduction as a


    very powerful tool.Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.

 Chapter 64

    Chapter 64


    My whole persona is a lie that ingrained itself inside of me through repetitive use. I created this girl and


    buried Lisa¡ªshe and my battered emotions are a thing of the past.


    ¡®¡¯Do you need anything? I can make you a drink or food.¡¯¡¯ The girl is watching me far too closely, even


    though I still feel weak and mmy, I don¡¯t want her here and fussing. I have never been good at letting


    people take care of me and especially not someone who isn¡¯t medical staff. No one cared before, so


    this is a new experience and I feelpletely ufortable with her probing presence.


    ¡®¡¯I need space and privacy. I want to get up, shower and make some tea. I appreciate what you all did


    but really, I just want quiet time to vegetate.¡¯¡¯ I soundpletely ungrateful and I know it. Mico didn¡¯t


    need to tend to me. Alexi ¡­ I don¡¯t even know where to begin. I just know as soon as I am well he will


    dump me on a flight to Chicago and be done with me, that is what he nned. I want to get better on


    my own, and mentally get used to the idea that I am being shipped off to a ce I do not want to go


    back to.


    ¡®¡®I understand that.¡¯¡¯ She looks disappointed, weirdly. Mico has left an arsenal of meds by my bed. I


    vaguely remember him putting them there and whatever Doctor Wilson injected me with has pushed


    this sickness out the window, so I am good to go and on the mend. I no longer need a nursemaid and I


    do not want one.


    ¡®¡¯Do you know what the doctor gave me?¡¯¡¯ I query, almost sure Mico wouldn¡¯t let some unqualified


    quack at me, even if Alexi would. It¡¯s not like I haven¡¯t put a lot of toxic shit in my body in the past, but I


    am always wary knowing my mother was an addict and I probably have an addictive personality too. I


    just like to keep track of these things.


    ¡®¡®Antibiotics mostly. A high dose to kick whatever it was out of your system and some meds to bring


    your fever down. He couldn¡¯t give you anything orally, so he went for injection and Alexi said to go for it.


    Is he your guardian?¡¯¡¯


    Again, with the na?ve blinking, questioning all his motives and decisions like she doesn¡¯t know what a


    huge control freak he is and I just shrug.


    ¡®¡¯Technically, I guess.¡¯¡¯ Seeing as he owns my soul. Thinks he does anyway.


    ¡®¡¯I figured you were close. I think it¡¯s cute to finally see him care about a girl. He always dates women


    he doesn¡¯t seem to give a rat¡¯s ass about.¡¯¡¯ She¡¯s smiling oddly, full dimples and fluttering eyshes


    and it just irritates me.


    Okay girly, enough of the chit-chat, you have no clue what you are talking about and I have no desire to


    do this anymore. Mildly getting annoyed and impatient with her hanging around me and that just stirs


    up my bitch side. I heave a heavy sigh to give her the final hint. ¡®¡®I think I will take a bath, a long soak in


    the tub. Feel free to leave, I¡¯m a capable swimmer and I¡¯m feeling much better, so I doubt I will pass out


    and drown.¡¯¡¯ I make to move and ignore that look ofplete rejection on her face. Confused why a


    young teen would want to hang around me. I don¡¯t even like people and especially not little girls with


    overly cute personalities and ridiculous ideas about men.


    I need space, quiet and food in that order and a n about what I am going to do about getting out of


    being packed off to Chicago.


    I wander out of the bedroom feeling refreshed, robed and a tad pink from my bath and DIY beauty


    treatments for thest hour. Figuring if I pampered the crap out of myself I would both feel better


    physically, look a hell of a lot better and it would drag my mind from the ever-obsessive head mess that


    is Alexi Carrero. I feel calmer, more focused and determined to not let that man have a long-term effect


    on me, yet I¡¯m still sombre.


    Yawning, still fatigued as I wander aimlessly into the almost silent surroundings and realise I am still not


    alone. She never left and she is stretched out on the couch watching Netflix on low volume while


    flicking through a magazine.


    I sigh heavily and make a beeline for the open n kitchen in a bid to ignore her and curse her for not


    fucking off when I made it clear that is what I wanted. I jump when her phone vibrates harshly across


    the ss coffee table and she shes a smile my way as our eyes connect when she goes to catch it.


    Spotting me and acting like she is not imposing on my space at all in any way. I roll my eyes, leaving


    her to her call and turn to the fridge in a bid to find food that requires no cooking. I am not really in the


    mood for stove tops and fussing. I just want to eat and go lie back down in bed and vegetate with a


    book.


    I am focusing on some rxation and drowning out my woes for a few hours. The best way to move on


    is to put HIM out of my head anytime he pops in there.


    ¡®¡¯Hey you, Uhuuuh, all better and wandering around in a very unsexy bathrobe,¡¯¡¯ she deres loudly


    after a moment of listening to whoever is on the other end. I assume it is Mico, and he will be relieving


    her if I have anything to do with it. I cast a sharp nce and yank the refrigerator open to scan the


    contents, finding cured ham, cheese and sd for a sandwich and start putting it all out in front of me


    on the counter. I lean into the open door letting the cool interior fan my face for a moment as I reach for


    a jar of mayo. I¡¯m still running a mild temperature and enjoying the cool air and jump when Ie out


    to see the little perky girl right at my side.


    ¡®¡®Yep she¡¯s right here, hold on.¡¯¡¯ She extends the phone to me with a grin and I frown back at her. I


    guess Mico isn¡¯t convinced I am not dead and at least I can tell him to remove his warden if I get to talk


    to him. I nudge her back with my bum and dump my new finds on the surface beside the bread. I shove


    the phone under my chin, bumping the door shut with my hip and rummage for a knife in the drawer to


    add to my array of sandwich constructing ingredients with eyes on the task.


    ¡®¡¯It¡¯s Cami, you can call off your little watchdog now I am upright and managing to fend for myself.¡¯¡¯ I


    answer brightly as in way of a hello, determined that he will be sending puppy eyes home as soon as I


    am done.


    ¡®¡¯You sound better anyway.¡¯¡¯ The raspy, deep huskiness of a voice that is not Mico makes my stomach


    flip over and my heart jump into my mouth. He was not who I was expecting to hear, especially not with


    how she was talking to him. That voice and its unearthly ability to fuck me up so easily ¡­ so much for


    clearing my head of this ever present and looming darkness.


    It¡¯s like he senses anytime I start pulling away and set my brain on letting go and jumps up to keep a


    hold.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi? I thought it was Mico.¡¯¡¯ I state the stupid obvious, flustered and at a loss for words when caught


    unawares, not sure what to say or how to act now he¡¯s the one on the other end of the line. There¡¯s a


    long awkward pause and I swear I can almost feel the tension thickening the air around me making it


    harder to breathe. Despite the confusing events of thest few days, he still has a physical effect with


    just his voice.


    ¡®¡¯Look ¡­¡¯¡¯ Alexi clears his throat and trails off into silence again for a moment and I just halt every fibre


    in my body and wait, like a dumb pathetic woman, for the man to say something else to me. Poised on


    a precipice that maybe he might have had some sort of personality transnt overnight. ¡®¡¯Last night ¡­¡¯¡¯


    He trails off again and I swear he is doing it to torture me, it¡¯s almost unbearable waiting for him to say


    whatever it is he is going to say.


    ¡®¡¯What aboutst night?¡¯¡¯ I butt in, in frustration, snappy with nerves and jump when the apartment door


    swings open and Micoes striding in across the room, lugging grocery bags and a smile. He looks


    over at me with genuine relief that I am upright and lucid and then grins at my immature babysitter, who


    is back on the couch pretending like she is not listening to me. I turn my back on both of them and


    cradle the phone closer to my ear, annoyed that they interrupted whatever it was he was going to say.


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 Chapter 65

    Chapter 65


    Mico¡¯s voice drifts my way as he starts talking to the girl, and I can guess by Alexi¡¯s overly long pause


    that he can hear him in the room.


    ¡®¡¯Look Cam, just forget it¡­¡­ It¡¯s just better this way. Don¡¯t make it harder.¡¯¡¯ Closed down, voice


    hardening along with my ns of putting him out of my head tonight. It¡¯s almost as though Mico¡¯s


    appearance triggered Alexi¡¯s arsehole side and that tiny uncertainty he had in his voice moments ago is


    gone in the blink of an eye as my heart sinks, nose diving my mood and making me feel that awful


    wretched way that he is crazily good at pulling out of me.


    I just want to cry all the time nowadays, and I know he is at the root of it. The sooner I cut Alexi from my


    life the better.


    ¡®¡¯Sure it is.¡¯¡¯ I sound sarcastic but part of me agrees that distance andck of his presence might be


    excruciating but needed. I can get my brain out of my arse without him hanging over me all the time,


    although I am not too pleased about the location or the urgency to go anywhere. I¡¯m fragile despite


    agreeing that he is toxic for me.


    ¡®¡¯d you agree. Guess there won¡¯t be any need to dy, right?¡¯¡¯ He hones in on my attitude and gives


    me some of his own.


    ¡®¡¯I don¡¯t want to go. Not Chicago anyway, anywhere but there, please.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out before I can try and hide


    it, the raw shakiness of my voice, defeat andck of fight, the fact I am almost instantly on the verge of


    tears because he is an arsehole, and I am mentally unstable if he even breathes in my direction


    nowadays. He has ruined my emotional state for eternity.


    ¡®¡®Why? What¡¯s wrong with Chicago?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s amand rather than a question and that weird edge to his


    voice that glints at a brewing mood. I stifle a sob knowing what¡¯sing without trying, another Alexi


    eruption because I dare question his decisions and sniff it back. Too tired for this. I refuse to let him


    know how vulnerable he makes me, it¡¯s not just from being unwell, it¡¯s him, it¡¯s always fucking him.


    The past few days are not forgotten just because he is being civil and spent a night taking care of me. I


    am all over the ce where he is concerned and part of me is longing for the gentle lover who held me


    close and kissed me passionately the night he protected me from an attempted abduction. The other


    part hates him and never wants to see him again, afraid of the person who can kill without remorse, yet


    the two continuously coincide and neither takes dominance. It¡¯s exhausting.


    Has he forgotten what I watched him do, what I know he did? I am still shaken and messed up from all


    that has taken ce beforest night and yet he¡¯s acting like it never happened at all. Like it doesn¡¯t


    matter he threatened to end my life only days ago.


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    I push it all down deep inside and y this like he does ¡­ ignore it, pretend it¡¯s not an issue, and all I


    care about is the conversation in hand even if I have started to feel pasty and weak.


    ¡®¡¯I just don¡¯t want to go back, there is nothing there for me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out a little pointedly, barely concealing


    my emotional state but it just serves to aggravate him.


    ¡®¡¯There is nothing here for you either, so what difference does it make?¡¯¡¯ He¡¯s annoyed at me for God


    knows what anymore and slowly the little tiny flicker of resignation inside, against all the odds, blows


    out and anger rears her ugly head. Hurt at his words and hispleteck of emotion for me after


    everything. Even though I know this, and it¡¯s not a fucking shock. He just looks for any way to stab me


    in the heart with just how much he wants me gone. I don¡¯t know how many times I tell myself I am an


    idiot for hoping I mean something to him, and I am stupidly repeating the same shit over and over.


    Stuck on repeat.


    ¡®¡¯How would you know what is here for me or what I ran from in Chicago? Not once have you ever


    asked me about what I want or what I need, it¡¯s always about the great fucking Alexi and what you


    want. You don¡¯t give a shit about me, so don¡¯t even pretend to act like you care about why I don¡¯t want


    to go.¡¯¡¯ A knee-jerk bacsh because he wounded me, and we are back in that cycle of fighting where


    we just both seem to want to wound and spit fire at one another.


    ¡®¡®Stop being difficult, it¡¯s all bullshit and maniption to make me change my mind.¡¯¡¯ This time it¡¯s a


    snap and that icy manner is losing its cool. He has a fiery side too and asionally I seem to know


    how to spark it without effort. More so the longer I am cursed with him.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck you. You have no clue and I don¡¯t need to exin anything to you about it either. You can¡¯t make


    me go, and if you do I¡¯ll not fucking stay there. You won¡¯t be around to make sure I stay!¡¯¡¯ I yell it at him,


    losing my own cool and stiffen when I realise both Mico and the girl are staring at me from where they


    are, still and rmed at my outburst. Mico looks at me with a sigh and a head shake so I turn my back


    on them and head towards the bedroom for privacy, away from prying eyes and ears, close to tears.


    ¡®¡¯I swear to God, you WILL do as I say and if you dare run ¡­¡¯¡¯ Low and steady, the danger tone that


    brings all my hair to stand on end but I bite down and ignore the warning.


    ¡®¡¯What? What if I run, huh? What will you fucking do to me? Choke me half to death and snap my


    fucking neck? Maybe I don¡¯t give a shit anymore Alexi! Maybe I don¡¯t give a toss about what you want


    me to do.¡¯¡¯ I am goading him, my own anger biting through tears and my voice as equally venomous as


    his.


    I am so sick of him thinking he can do whatever he wants with me and that I won¡¯t put up a fight. I know


    I am poking the bear, but I am in a world of pain anytime we have any sort of interaction, and I am so


    tired ofying down and taking it from him. I deserve more.


    ¡®¡¯I think you know what I am capable of Cam ¡­ don¡¯t test me.¡¯¡¯ His huskiness is more intense, and I can


    almost imagine those soulless grey eyes boring into my skull, sending shivers through every part of


    me, but I don¡¯t care. He is trying to intimidate me and control me again and he can¡¯t stop me from


    running. I ran from Chicago just like I ran from London, from Ennd, from Texas and Detroit and a


    million other ces too. I ran from Tyler ¡­ Nowhere in my life have I ever been able to stop running


    scared, stop looking behind me and leaving bad memories in my wake ¡­ until Alexi came into my life


    and held me still for a while.


    Chicago is just another bad memory full of enemies, and I will be thrown back into the lion¡¯s den if I go


    back there. I would rather be brutalised by Alexi¡¯s wrath than face the goons awaiting me in Chicago.


    More old debts and bad blood, men I screwed over and women who didn¡¯t like me on their patch. If I


    am heading to something Alexi owns, then I can pretty much be certain it¡¯s in an area that I have been


    before and surrounded by people who won¡¯t have forgotten me. I knew who he was even back then.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t care, do your worst. It¡¯s preferable than going back to some shithole I ran far away from, and if


    snapping my neck is what you are threatening, then why not save us both the hassle and have Mico do


    your bidding. He is in the next room after all.¡¯¡¯ I snap loudly and we both fall into some silent standoff,


    the air crackling with electricity, even though we are on two phones in separate ces and I can almost


    feel his anger radiating down into my ear. I am breathing hard and brush away the tears which have


    managed to roll down my cheek, my body vibrating with adrenaline and anger, a tinge of fear.


    ¡®¡®I¡¯m not doing this on the phone. You ARE going to Chicago and I¡¯ll drag you to the ne if I have to.


    Get packed, I can have it on the airfield in thirty minutes and wille take you there myself. The


    sooner the fucking better!¡¯¡¯ He is trying to reign in the control but that famous temper is getting the


    better of him and his voice is somewhere between that cool effortless evil and a raspy aggressive rage.


    ¡®¡¯Fuck you. So I am no longer allowed to recover from whatever sickness I had, right?¡¯¡¯ I spit


    sarcastically, knowing that me being unwell won¡¯t stop a short ne ride in his eyes.


    ¡®¡¯You dare to defy me then expect sympathy? Baby, you have no fucking idea what I wille there


    and do to you.¡¯¡¯ In so few words every ounce of blood and bravado drains from my body. He hangs up


    before I get the chance to answer, heart pounding through my chest and adrenaline takes over. I know


    that means he ising here and right now. There is no way in hell I am letting hime over here to


    force his will on to me and show me who is boss once more.


    I have no clue what he is going to do if I put up a fight and refuse to go, but I am not hanging around to


    find out. I do know what he is capable of, and I¡¯ll be damned if I am waiting for his arrival in a filthy


    mood with his sadistic mind on bending me to breaking point and forcibly putting me on a ne. He


    isn¡¯t against restraints or manhandling.


    I throw on ck trousers, a Lycra top and t boots without hesitation, no thought necessary, and pull


    my damp hair into a ponytail. I am panicking, rushing around and throwing myself together in a


    haphazard manner with no clue how I am going to get out of the apartment without Mico intervening. I


    need to though, I won¡¯t go to Chicago and I sure as hell am not going to endure another Alexi


    punishment because I have riled him. Not when I am this weak and unable to deal with him.


    He''s broken me, I know it and he does too. There¡¯s not much fight left and I cannot handle another


    scene like the club. I don¡¯t want his hands on me again or his anger aimed my way.


    I start throwing my clothes and belongings into the cases I have slid under the bed, throwing everything


    in while trying to formte some kind of n of escape. I wonder if the fire exit is a usible way to get


    out but looking at my cases I may have to rethink what I am taking. I despair for a moment and then


    pull out essentials only and start rummaging for a ck holdall to carry what I need. Bare minimum,


    running again just like so many times before and leaving everything I own behind me.

 Chapter 66

    Chapter 66


    This is just a rey of my life, a dozen times over. It¡¯s not lost on me that this is no sort of existence but


    I have no choice. I get myself into these situations and sometimes running is the only way out.


    I waste time looking for a bag and start to get extremely anxious as the clock keeps ticking. I pull out a


    small gym holdall I assume is his from the wardrobe and push what I can inside. Pulling on a jacket I go


    to the window to try and get it open. It takes effort, even though this is a modern and well-maintained


    apartment, I am not familiar with the locks or how to open the damn things. I manage to slide it enough


    to get my hand and arm outside, eyeing up the metal fire escape through the ss and push the bag


    out by squishing it through forcefully so itnds with a gentle thud on the staircase outside. Luckily this


    building is only five or so floors high and I am not about to escape from a massively high penthouse.


    The fire escape is a proper metal staircase from what I can see and the bottom floor has a pull-down


    ladder. It¡¯s do-able. I manage to pull the window further but it stops dead about a foot over and I cannot


    get it to budge no matter how hard I push. There is a slim chance of me getting through that gap, but I


    am determined to try it anyway angling myself to get through sideways. I manage to slide my head and


    shoulders through but my ample bust is a bit of an effort and a half. Squeezing and wriggling until I get


    through and then shimmy to my waist, grazing my chest ufortably and start lifting my feet in a bid


    to find leverage as I dangle head first out of the open window.


    My legs thrash about until I find something solid with one foot and push hard against it to give my body


    much needed traction, except the solid mass wraps around my ankle and yanks me back as I let out an


    almighty yelp inplete shock. Turning and struggling as I am pulled up hard inwards and my breasts


    wedge me tight in the gap in reverse of my first manoeuvre. The enraged ring Italian on the other


    side of the ss is enough to make me lose all fight and I fall stiffly still when he reaches out with his


    free hand and unclips the window slider at the top. I fall inwards with an inelegant crash and whelp as


    my body collides with the floor. It¡¯s not wholly painful, but it¡¯s enough to knock the wind out of my sails


    and I can only stare helplessly in wide-eyed horror as nerves and feare crashing down on top of


    me at his feet, trembling instantly because I made an already raging psycho worse.


    ¡®¡¯I swear to fucking God, I should beat you ck and blue for trying this shit again,¡¯¡¯ Alexi growls at me,


    still holding my foot in mid-air as I thrash around on the floor trying to kick myself free from the iron grip,


    still determined to run as he bruises my ankle with the sheer force of his hold on me. He must have


    been closer than I realised and got here in record time. This is the worst possible oue for me right


    now.


    I just pushed him from maybe a seven on his bad mood scale to an eleven easily and he appears


    nuclear. He lets me go suddenly and my leg falls at an rming speed, banging my heel on the floor


    with another thud and a sharp pain up my ankle. It¡¯s then I realise Mico is standing in the doorway


    lookingpletely pissed off too, except I have no clue at which one of us, as he is ring at Alexi¡¯s


    head like he might actually jump him if he touches me again.


    ¡®¡®Go ahead, I don¡¯t fucking care,¡¯¡¯ I yell straight back at him defiantly and I catch Mico wincing out of the


    corner of my eye. His eyes shing from Alexi to me and I know he is silently trying to tell me to pipe


    down and stop aggravating his cousin. He knows as well as I do that this is not how you handle him,


    and I am only making this worse.


    My fury and bravado waivers slightly until that pale grey re hits my eyes and Alexi snarls in that


    sinister way that makes my body recoil.


    ¡®¡¯Pretty sure I have a room fit for the purpose of doing just that. I told you before that you should never


    push me.¡¯¡¯ He reminds me and thest ounce of every part of my bravery dies, the devil standing in


    front of me smug at his ability to inflict fear. Memories of that room and being tied to that cross,


    memories of being tied, beaten and abused mercilessly over and over in my past. My face runs cold as


    the warmth of my blood drains down into my body as though freezing ice water is flushing through my


    veins instead and fear reces anger.


    ¡®¡¯Over my dead body!¡¯¡¯ Mico is the one to speak up this time making me jump, and Alexi spins his head


    to re at his cousin instead. A silent war of two ring formidable bodied men in full aggressive mode


    and I curl up and try and shimmy backwards against the wall in a bid to get smaller and slink away from


    the flying testosterone.


    It¡¯s funny how you revert to childhood habits when faced with a simr kind of horror. I''ve lost count of


    how many times I would curl up and try to hide from cruel hands and monsters. I have no clue what


    Alexi will do to me anymore. I have lost all trust in him after he grabbed me in the club and threatened


    to end my life, if I ever trusted him at all.


    ¡®¡¯What?¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds furious for once, not cool and low calm that sends chills down my spine, nope.


    This time its unconcealed rage and venom and I think this may be worse. His rage is unveiled and it¡¯s


    aimed at his cousin with a raw fury that is rare.


    This is how he was the night I tried to run from the Hamptons, this was the look I saw on his face when


    he snapped the neck of someone who touched what was his.


    ¡®¡¯You heard me. Leave her alone Lex, enough is enough of this BS.¡¯¡¯ The silent looks and that


    determined strong tone, steel and stubborn between them.


    ¡®¡¯What¡¯s it to you?¡¯¡¯ Alexi snaps at him.


    ¡®¡¯I won¡¯t stand back and watch you keep destroying her for absolutely nothing.¡¯¡¯ Mico moves closer to


    me and Alexi seems to grow in size, warning him to back off as he crowds his prey possessively.


    ¡®¡¯Nothing??? ¡­ Where have you been? She brings this on herself ¡­ every fucking time.¡¯¡¯ Alexi sounds


    exasperated, rather than furious.


    ¡®¡¯No, she doesn¡¯t. Your head''s up your ass when ites to her, and you know it. Let her alone and


    leave. She has done nothing to deserve the shit you throw at her and I won¡¯t stand here and watch it


    this time.¡¯¡¯ The air bes suffocatingly thick, and weirdly Alexi is first to break and look back at me


    with a touch of hesitation. He seems to be losing the fight, and rather than erupt like a volcano, it¡¯s


    almost as though Mico is dousing his mes.


    He pauses and then shakes his head angrily throwing me a look that ispletely unreadable before


    looking back at him with some weird unspoken message that Mico seems to understand. Alexi is back


    to ring at me before he lets out a huge sigh of exasperation.


    I just stay here curled up on the floor, heart in my mouth and weakly afraid, scared to move or bring his


    anger back to me.


    ¡®¡¯You know what? FINE! I¡¯m done with you and this shit, you don¡¯t want to go to Chicago? Then don¡¯t.


    You don¡¯te back to the club either, EVER! Let your hero here decide where to put you and stay the


    hell away from me. He clearly wants to be responsible for you from here on in, so he can have you. I


    swear London youe within fifty feet of my club or me after today, I will not hold back, and Mico


    won¡¯t have the chance to intervene. I will put you in a world of pain and regret that you will wish I had


    snapped your fucking neck already.¡¯¡¯


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I can tell without a shadow of a doubt that he means every word and it breaks my soul in two, no matter


    how afraid and how submissive I am sat here, he can still destroy my soul. Alexi res at me one more


    time as though imprinting my face to a file in his brain marked ¡®¡¯waste of my time¡¯¡¯ and then he turns to


    Mico coldly.


    ¡®¡¯She¡¯s your problem now. As soon as she pays off her debts you can cut her loose, but until then I


    never want to see her again. You do what the fuck you want; I don¡¯t want to know anymore. She¡¯s been


    trouble from the day we scraped her off the sidewalk, and I am not going to be the fool who keeps


    dealing with her. She¡¯s like a bad penny I cannot fucking shake.¡¯¡¯ His words cut me like a knife, my


    weak dumb arse heart can¡¯t shield me from the emotional pain this man can inflict, and I look away


    from my cowering space on the floor and stare at the wall for a moment instead. To bite back the tears


    and swallow down a reaction.


    I won¡¯t give him the satisfaction of my tears.


    Mico nods, looking determined and unemotional, there is another long moment of silentmunication


    between them before the stance softens and Alexi looks back my way onest time. Back in that


    unreadable and emotionless mask and I have no idea what he is even thinking. I just stare back


    emptily, welling up inside. Alexi doesn¡¯t wait any longer, he storms out of the room noisily, mming the


    door as he leaves, and I am left a trembling wreck on the floor, blinking Mico¡¯s way with a broken heart


    and a head so messy I have no clue which way is up anymore.


    Mico pauses to look at me as he reaches for the handle of the door.


    ¡®¡¯Don¡¯t look at me like that. It¡¯s for the best you¡¯ll see. You and Lex ¡­ you just bring out the worst in


    each other. He gets erratic and reckless and acts like a prize asshole around you. You get under his


    skin, Cami, and it¡¯s not a good ce to be. This isn¡¯t who he normally is or how he deals with shit. I


    think he knows he can¡¯t control it and somehow it just makes him worse. You¡¯re a liability to him and


    this ¡­ it¡¯s just toxic.¡¯¡¯ Mico shakes his head as though he cannot exin it either and yet it does


    nothing to make me feel any better.


    Alexi just made it clear that from now until eternity he never wants to see me again. As much as I


    should be rejoicing and celebrating that little bout of freedom my heart is crumbling to dust and I feel


    like I am bleeding out of every orifice as pain weighs me down and threatens to suffocate me.


    He set me free, made it clear I am never to grace his presence again and I should be happy, yet


    pathetically, I am dying inside, and my heart is weighing me down like a lead balloon.

 Chapter 67

    Chapter 67


    Sat alone in the bedroom as I pack everything I own with apleteck of interest, I cannot help the


    tears rolling down my face. Mico is in the other room making calls and figuring out where he is going to


    put me from now on. Alexi didn¡¯te back and I gather one of the heated calls shortly after his


    departure was him. Mico sounded enraged and left the building to finish his call, barely able to lower


    his tone as he continued their argument.


    The girl must have disappeared when Alexi got here as she has vanished into thin air and for that, I am


    actually thankful. I don¡¯t want anyone to see me sobbing and pathetic, like some poor battered woman


    at the hands of a cold bastard and his words.


    I just feel deste and in pain. Alexi has cut me loose and I should be happy about it, but I am not. I


    still harbour this dumb tiny little flicker that somewhere deep inside I mean something to him and as


    toxic as we are, I love him. I can¡¯t help or control how I feel about him.


    Despite it all, he found a way to make me feel again. I guess the apple didn¡¯t fall far from the tree after


    all, and I am exactly like my mother. Loving abusive controlling men who inflict pain in so many ways,


    and still clinging to the wreckage like a drowning victim, praying for some little tinge of salvation.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t care about me. I am a ything he likes to wound, and I can now free myself of his


    torment. I just need to get my head and heart to catch up and work together to rid myself of this


    disease.


    This wasn¡¯t what I imagined freedom would look like, but it¡¯s a hell of a lot better than running and


    surviving on my skills. I am so done with my old life and my old ways. This respite of not relying on


    maniptions and seducing men to get by has been the breather I needed, to really see how miserable


    I was and am as a person. Tired and weary and sick of running, fighting, every goddamn day just to


    stay afloat. I can¡¯t do this anymore.


    The older I get the lonelier my life bes, and I am starting to cringe with every male touchid upon


    my body, abhorring that my body is a vessel for them to use and own. Years of oveing my scars


    and internal battles to keep doing what I am good at, and it¡¯s slowly unravelling. I don¡¯t want to y


    games and use my female wiles anymore, I don¡¯t want to constantly look over my shoulder and run at


    the drop of a hat. I don¡¯t want to endure touches and perversions to scrape by.


    I am exhausted and weary and even though I am only twenty-eight, I feel like I have lived a life twice


    that long. I¡¯m used goods and scarred deeply, so there is no chance of a happy ever after for someone


    like me, but I can at least ept that life could be something else if I tried.


    I never imagined I could ever fall for anyone and I guess this is Karma¡¯s way of punishing me for my life


    choices and decisions of my past. Making me fall for the devil himself and bringing with it a world of


    pain and an inability to carry on as I did before. It hurts so much it¡¯s like an aching tooth in every part of


    my soul, and my chest is heavy with the weight of trying to breathe. The thought of never seeing him


    again, never having reason to hear his voice, even if he is cruel and cold towards me, is killing me.


    I jump, startled when Mico appears at the door and knocks gently to alert me to his presence. It¡¯s open,


    but I guess because I am sitting on the bed, slowly folding random pieces of underwear half-heartedly


    while staring at nothing, he must assume I am fragile.


    I guess I am, I¡¯m still feeling poorly and running a temperature, still exhausted both physically and


    mentally, sat like some deranged idiot who is leaking all her bodily fluids out of her face and down her


    sodden top.


    ¡®¡¯I need to go sort out some fine details about where you will be staying and what you will be doing. You


    can stay here tonight, and I wille by for you in the morning. You have my cell number if you need


    me, just be ready for nine a.m. and I will pick you up.¡¯¡¯ He is trying to sound upbeat and smiling,


    ignoring my obvious distress.


    ¡®¡¯Fine,¡¯¡¯ I answer so softly it is practically inaudible.


    ¡®¡¯Are you okay?¡¯¡¯ He surprises me with that question and I just throw on a mock smile through my tears.


    ¡®¡®Sure, maybe not right this second but I will be. I always am.¡¯¡¯ I shrug it off and wipe my nose on my


    sleeve like a child. It¡¯s times like this when he seems calm that I really see how much he shares of his


    cousins DNA. Tall, broad, handsome and very clearly of Italian descent, dark hair and green eyes over


    olive skin and if I wasn¡¯t so enamoured with one sadistic prick from this bloodline I would see Mico¡¯s


    appeal.


    He must be around his early thirties, like Alexi, yet he has a youthfulness about him when he smiles,


    something else which seems to run in their family. The rare asions Alexi actually smiled he had it


    too and surprising dimples.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re a warrior, nothing keeps you down does it?¡¯¡¯ He nods a smile at me, impressed maybe,


    admiring a quality I doubt I possess. I have no choice but to keep going in life, it¡¯s hardly a choice to be


    this way.


    ¡®¡¯Why are you doing this?¡¯¡¯ I look at him forlornly, confused that he cares about me after everything. I


    never did anything to try and earn it, but he does. If only it had been that simple when it came to Alexi!


    Mico furrows his brow cutely and looks at the floor as though I have embarrassed him by asking.


    ¡®¡¯We are a funny breed, the Carreros. Even with what we are and what we do ¡­ some of us have an


    ounce of decency and I hate to see women trapped by their circumstances in this world. Despite what


    year this is, this is still very much a man¡¯s world and you are a pawn being bounced around and used


    with no value other than a toy. I want to help break you out and save you from a lifetime of misery,


    Cami. Alexi is not your hero ... he is so caught up in his own head that he cannot see past his


    suspicion and mistrust, and he is aiming all his frustrations at you. I love my cousin but he can be a son


    of a bitch sometimes. He won¡¯t let any woman in and you are no exception, even if you do have an


    effect on him on some level.¡¯¡¯ Mico shifts on his feet and looks defeated for a moment, his posture


    sagging slightly, and it only fuels more tears.


    I get what he is saying, he knows I have feelings for Alexi, and he knows like I do, they mean nothing to


    him.


    ¡®¡®I never wanted to fall for him you know? It wasn¡¯t part of the n.¡¯¡¯ I don¡¯t know why I am telling him


    this. I guess I just need someone to tell, someone to talk to. Something I have never had in my life¡ª


    that longing for just one friend.


    ¡®¡¯Alexi has that way about him and women seem to fall at his feet no matter how he treats them. I wish I


    could say you were unique, but the sad truth is a lot of women have fallen in his wake and cried


    themselves sick. You deserve someone who treats you well and a new life away from all this shit.


    Someone to really save you from the horror of it all. Alexi won¡¯t.¡¯¡¯ That¡¯s a statement I already knew but


    didn¡¯t have the strength to hear someone else say, and it wounds me to the core. More tears fill my


    vision more intensely and I brush them away.


    ¡®¡®I don¡¯t need a hero Mico, I need to stop following the same path in life that leads me to men like Alexi.


    I need to work on being my own saviour and make smarter choices, and I need to stop putting myself in


    shitty circumstances.¡¯¡¯


    Isn¡¯t that the truth!


    I once heard someone say ¡®¡¯People are like water, they find their own level and attract like.¡¯¡¯ I guess


    because I am trash and I deserve the shit I endure, this is maybe where I belong. Mico smiles sadly.


    ¡®¡¯I think that¡¯s part of what gets under his skin ¡­ You are a survivor, tough and resilient. You bounce


    back from the worst shit and don¡¯t take much lying down. It makes him feel like he has no control over


    you, and it makes you unpredictable. You are also the first woman, who isn''t blood, that has ever had


    the balls to repeatedly defy him. He doesn¡¯t know how to take that from mere ythings.¡¯¡¯ A


    compliment maybe, or just an observation. It¡¯s the sad reality and it bites.


    He smiles affectionately and for a brief second I feel a moment of warmth. I guess this is the first time


    in my life I have someone even close to being genuine.


    Well Sophie, I guess. She tried, but I made sure I didn¡¯t ever let it reciprocate, and yet, in the end, she


    acted like a true friend when she saved my arse. I treated her appallingly and cruelly and it has


    followed me like a bad smell, eating at my conscience even though it¡¯s not something I ever battled


    with in my past. Guilt was alien to me until her. Since Sophie, I just feel like I am slowly losing the icy


    wall of indifference and my stupid emotions are all over the ce. Maybe it¡¯s not Sophie ¡­ maybe it¡¯s


    because King Carrero swooped in right from that moment and it¡¯s because of him my emotions have


    been crazily out of control ever since. He infected me in the worst kind of ways. Damn the Carrero


    bloodline.


    ¡®¡®I guess we are just notpatible like you said, we bring out the worst in one another, right?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s said


    to remind myself more than looking for his agreement and as we both nod, he moves to go.


    ¡®¡¯9 a.m ¡­ Be ready for a new chapter. I¡¯ll try and put you somece that gives you a chance. The rest


    will be on you.¡¯¡¯


    ¡®¡®Mico ¡­¡¯¡¯ I call after him, wiping my face again and he pauses to look back. ¡®¡®Thank you.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s heartfelt


    and emotional. It¡¯s all I manage to get out as my throat closes up with emotion and almost chokes me.


    Mico smiles softly, getting how much I mean it before he slides out and leaves me to myself and my


    woes.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    After I am done packing and I am all alone in Alexi¡¯s apartment I wander around aimlessly trying to find


    something to pass away the hours I have left here. I am cried out and empty, feeling listless and raw


    and just hoping I can distract myself from all that I feel right now. It¡¯s raining out, overcast, grey and


    cold. It is barely mid-afternoon, and I have nothing to watch or read that will hold my interest. How can


    it when my head has one image and one thought.

 Chapter 68

    Chapter 68


    The fact is that I am pining, stupid and emotional, and all I keep reying in my head is him and his


    parting words. Crushing my soul and tormenting myself, even though it¡¯s stupid.


    He wants me gone and I want to be free of him. There is no reason to feel distraught and set adrift


    because I am getting just that. I skim my phone for the millionth time and hover over his number.


    Somehow knowing these are thest hours of any connection to him is making me erratic and stupid,


    and I have to keep chastising myself for letting him get in my head in this way. All I can think about is


    how he was that night, in bed alone with me after he made love to me, and that¡¯s what it felt like. I know


    I am obsessing, but ¡­ It wasn¡¯t sex, not in Alexi¡¯s typical dominant and aggressive style. It was


    something else, something more. Something that got to me in ways that cannot be undone. It was


    seeing another side to him, one capable of softness and gentle caresses.


    In the darkness when my senses were on high alert because I could not see him, I was more aware of


    how he touched me, how he felt, and Alexi made me feel like he loved me for one single night. It


    changed everything.


    It¡¯s in my head, stuck on the fact that in all the months I was in his domain, I never once did anything to


    warrant how he treats me. I never lied, I never yed him or did anything deceitful or broke his trust. I


    never even had sex with another man besides him. I yed by his rules even if my mouth was my


    biggest w. I behaved, stayed in line for the most part and brought his club to where he wanted it. I put


    my sweat, heart and soul into polishing it to perfection, and getting it running so smoothly the dors


    were practically raining on him from above.


    I do not deserve what he is doing now. I never failed to meet the standard he set in our agreement. No


    other men and make my club work. That was it¡ªthat was what was required of me and that was what I


    did.


    Fuck you Alexi, you constantly moved the bloody goalposts and made life impossible. So why do I care


    so much that I am walking away?


    That¡¯s my problem right there, this inability to just let it go. Alexi showed me what it could be like to live


    a life where you don¡¯t run or use sex for a living. He gave me another purpose and some self-respect,


    something to be proud of. A hint of what it could feel like if he ever fell for me and I want more.


    I want my club. I want him and what it felt like that night! Safe, cherished and loved. Like it was only


    him and me in a safe bubble, where my past, or who I was didn¡¯t matter at all, and Alexi didn¡¯t make me


    feel owned or afraid for one night, despite what I had witnessed him do.


    Ironically, I saw the monster he can be, and then he showed me the part of him that wiped it all away


    straight after. It was the first time I saw more in him than what he shows the world. It was the first


    second of my life that I was just allowed to feel and linger in the moment without always being aware of


    danger or consequences. For the first time in my life, someone made me feel like it was not just sex,


    control, or fulfilling a need for themselves. He made me feel that I mattered to someone, even briefly.


    He took his time and made me finish long before he did, kissed me softly, passionately, caressed me


    and held me close even long after we were done. Every single second of that night was a huge


    contrast to what I had known from him before and it¡¯s in my brain like an obsessivepulsive need.


    I keep reying it over and over and I cannot believe that in those moments he felt nothing at all for


    me. It has gued me every second since, and it¡¯s why I cannot just let him go. He did that to make me


    feel better. No matter what other reasons he said it was for. I refuse to believe it was to keep me quiet,


    he has better ways to do that.


    He killed someone to protect me. He then came and consoled me and stayed with me until I fell asleep


    in his arms. I felt something and I didn¡¯t imagine it. And then I woke up alone and it¡¯s like he had cut all


    ties from me as though I didn¡¯t matter at all.


    That thought has the power to make me doubt all of it and send me spiralling in anger. Rationally, what


    he said after makes sense. Making sure I kept quiet and calmed down after witnessing a cold-blooded


    murder. Keeping me sweet so I wouldn¡¯t run and tell, yet if all that were true then why isn¡¯t he still


    pandering to me and keeping me close? He is acting like it doesn¡¯t matter at all and letting me loose


    despite what I witnessed doesn¡¯t make any sense.


    On some level, I guess it shows Alexi trusts me enough to know that I won¡¯t ever betray him, or tell the


    authorities what happened, or maybe he just knows that I have no doubts where I would end up if I did.


    Swimming with the fish in a pair of concrete boots.


    My head is going around in circles, over and over. I know that what he did is probably nothing to him. I


    don¡¯t doubt he has killed that way before and I can see that it¡¯s part of the reason he is the way he is. I


    have known cruel and sadistic men and I have known gangsters and murderers. Alexi is the first one


    I¡¯ve met who could kill with his bare hands and not react in any way whatsoever. It¡¯s terrifying, yet at the


    same time strangely reassuring.


    He¡¯s not a psychopath who got off on it or went bloodlust crazy. He did what he needed to do to protect


    me and then he cleaned up his mess and acted like it was nothing at all. The sane behaviours of a


    killer because this is a path he was set upon, and he has be numb to the things he has to do in


    order to fulfil a role. It¡¯s not the same as being a killer who revels in his bloodlust.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    Alexi has a moral code, it¡¯s just more of a soldier doing his duty than of a gangster killing for power.


    Like me normalising my abuse and trauma over the years and turning sex into a tool, Alexi has


    normalised what he must do to stay head of his family and uses his ¡®¡¯skills¡¯¡¯ as effectively as I did. We


    are more alike than I realised. We just have different tools in our arsenal and handle the after-effects in


    the same way, with disinterest and a non-emotional response. Completely unhealthy and inhumane,


    but somehow, it¡¯s how we survive.


    Well, how I handled things before him. He has broken me when ites to the after reactions. Since


    Alexi, I have met a barrage of feelings I long ago buried, and even allowing myself to form a friendship


    of sorts with Mico is proof that he has changed me in subtle ways. I care about Mico and I obviously


    care about Alexi. I would even go as far as saying I care about my staff at the club, and the club itself


    gave me a sense of pride and achievement.


    He trusted me to run something important to him and it gave me a sense of purpose and something to


    feel a little good over. Not selling my body, drugs or girls in the conventional way I had.


    Instead, a real ce where the women had a choice, and he protected them within his walls. He


    protected me, even when I told myself he was controlling and possessive¡ªnot once did I ever feel like


    he would allow anyone in that ce to use me for their own ends. As much as I hated it when he said I


    was his and acted like he owned me, I secretly loved that I was somehow branded as his and fell under


    his care and protection.


    He never called any of the other girls his, well not that I ever heard, but then I guess Joanne wouldn¡¯t


    act like the smug bitch she is if he didn¡¯t. Maybe he just keeps it between him and his ythings.


    I can¡¯t stop my head going round in circles of hate, adoration, misery, and love. He has royally screwed


    my brain up for the worst and now I am thinking about him and her, that skanky whore Joanne, and


    how she probably allows him to tie her up and do kinky things to her every chance she gets. Things I


    could never allow him to do, even if he wanted me to.


    I could never fulfil that side of his desires, so it¡¯s pointless even thinking of it. I need to quiet my brain,


    or I am going to turn myself inside out with insanity. I need to switch all this off.


    I wander to the mini bar in frustrated desperation and browse his vast array of booze. One thing the


    man likes is quality booze and a good variety of it.


    I pull out the gin and pour myself a sizeable ss and dunk in a few ice cubes for good measure. I was


    never one to run to alcohol to deal with a heavy heart and messy head but now seems like as good a


    time as any to drown my sorrows. I have nowhere else to be tonight and no one to care if I get


    smashed and pass out on top of my vibrator. I need to let off steam and get my shit under control. I


    need to stop thinking.


    ¡®¡®Bottoms up Lisa ¡­ a new day and all that shite! Forget about him and walk away.¡¯¡¯ I raise my ss


    half-heartedly, yet I cannot shift the lump of ache growing in my chest and stomach. Downing it in one


    and gagging on the strength of the alcohol, I pour a second quickly.


    I am always pretty controlled when ites to booze and drugs, partaking but never overdoing it as I


    like to stay in control. ying the part of intoxicated but really keeping myself sober, so I am on full


    alert. I don¡¯t need that right now and I want to forget. I want to drown out the overwhelming pain in my


    heart that¡¯s pulsing like a heavy drum through my body. I want to stop crying silent tears as though


    water pouring down my face is the new norm, and I want to hate him and move on.


    I open the lower cupboard and locate his array of crazily expensive bottles. I can tell by the fact some


    are still boxed he reserves these for special asions, and in my current ¡®¡®Screw you Alexi¡¯¡¯ frame of


    mind, I pull out the bottles and line them up ready for my pity party for one.

 Chapter 69

    Chapter 69


    Drunk me, is not a good thing and I remember in my hazy stupor why this is not something I ever do to


    myself. I am an emotional mess, sobbing into my ownp on the floor and cradling my umpteenth


    cocktail of hard liquor while pulling my mental state into disarray.


    I am a bad drunk and I can¡¯t switch off the depths of feeling going off inside me like a hot flowing


    volcano asva bubbles out through my body. I was stupid to do this to myself, and instead of drowning


    my sorrows I have opened Pandora¡¯s Box and can¡¯t seem to switch off the all-consuming pain and


    turmoiling from the dark recesses of my brain.


    It¡¯s like I have my own cinematic tragedy on rey, reminding me of my life and all my woes and stupid


    buried memories which are springing out in all directions, to add to how devastated I already feel.


    Despite all of that, HE is still foremost in my brain, guing me like the tormentor he is so apt at being,


    and even in his absence he still has that hold over me.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    Go figures that the demon would star in my self-inflicted daymares.


    I fall back on the floor and spill my drink all over his white plush rug as I let out another wave of gut


    wrenching sobs until I can¡¯t breathe anymore. My nose is runny and blocked, my eyes burning with the


    watery makeup that¡¯s poured down my entire face and left little dark droplets on the rug around me. I


    don¡¯t care though, screw his stupid ridiculously expensive rug in his stupid Manhattan apartment. Fuck


    Alexi and all that he is. I can¡¯t remember feeling this way in a long, long time. Not since the day my


    mother held me down at the age of eleven and let Rick rape me for a ten pound bag of heroin.


    The feeling ofplete hopelessness and devastation as she stole what was left of my sanity that day,


    for a pitiful little bag of smack and showed me how little value I held in her life. After years of beating


    me into submission and verbally stripping me raw of any self-respect or self-esteem I may have


    naturally had, she made sure she took thest ounces of me away that day. I was her punching bag in


    life and the source of all her anger. I was the baby who ruined her life, her marriage and the reason she


    was a scummy piss poor addict in the worst part of Hackney.


    A forgotten child that no one noticed, no one cared about, and I have never forgotten that is what, and


    who, I am. I spent years hiding the reality of my life from school and those who lived around me, but my


    story was not unique and many kids like me had abusive addict parents and lives that no children


    should endure. I had to learn to suck it up and deal with it. I had to learn to fend for myself and not rely


    on anyone else for anything in life. I fed myself, made sure I made my own money in any way I could


    just so I wouldn¡¯t starve or freeze. I stole, I begged, I manipted people just to get by and I learned


    that if you are streetwise and savvy and put all your frail feelings in a cold ce to die, then you can


    survive almost anything you set your mind to.


    Age is just a number and the smallest children can find strength in survival. That¡¯s what I did. I learned


    that men and women can be equally cruel, that people will turn a blind eye to something distasteful


    rather than help, even when you are a child. I learned that those in positions to help are sometimes as


    bad as those who abuse. I learned you should never trust anyone, as all humans have their own


    motives and it is never about your welfare in the end.


    I have seen it all. I watched kids being taken by social workers, buckled into cars and whisked away,


    only to end up in the children¡¯s homes and running away at every opportunity they could. I didn¡¯t have


    friends, because I couldn¡¯t trust anyone not to tell what I was enduring and fear of bing one of


    those kids being whisked off to a home to endure other kinds of wrong. I heard rumours, watched the


    fear of kids when the workers came round, and it was enough for me to never trust police, care workers


    or professionals who imed to take us away from cruelty.


    I learned to adapt by embracing the abuse and using it so I could rise above a lot of the street rats I


    knew around where I lived. I excelled because I was taller, slimmer, and prettier, than a lot of them, and


    I was smart enough to know it had a use. I started improving my dialect to appear older and more


    educated, from a better standard of living which gave me an advantage in making cash for myself.


    I tried to keep myself clean and groomed, so the school wouldn¡¯t be suspicious over my care, and so


    richer men would want to fuck me for faster profits.


    I dropped out of school on my sixteenth birthday, as soon as I legally could without question, and never


    looked back at further education. I yed the game and hid what was done to me, what I was being


    used for. I learned how to make men want me and act as though I liked what they were doing. I learned


    how to make theme quicker and I became a queen of seduction and sex, made it an art form in a


    way.


    By the age of fourteen, I had lost count of how many men had used me for their pleasure and games, it


    was just a way of life and some sort of sad eptance of what I was. I stopped feeling. It stopped


    being something degrading and wrong and became an act with a means to an end. I learned to lie, hide


    and manipte from a very young age, epted that I was a prostitute no matter how I tried to pretty it


    up and my days were spent screwing men and being exposed to indescribable acts on my body and


    soul.


    I died a little every second in the early days and never turned to anyone to rescue me, as I knew that


    was never going to be a reality. There are no knights toe sweep you away from the crap I lived


    through. You need to rely on you and you alone and that is how you survive in life.


    I let myself rely on Alexi and that was stupid. It was my undoing. I broke my own rules of not letting


    someone close or letting someone else call the shots. I flipped my entire gamey on its head for him


    and didn¡¯t even try in any way after my first hurdle to y him to meet my own ends. He was better at


    it, colder, smarter, and crueller, and I knew I was no match for him. He was a different kind of breed to


    most men, and I let him lead me by the nose.


    I only have myself to me. I was too weak to deny his touch, too pathetic to keep my heart and head


    out of this and too in awe of his extremeck of emotion to try and manipte him.


    Drunk beyond belief and crying myself raw all I can think about is Alexi, thatplete arse of a man


    and how he can discard me this way, treat me this way. For all that I was in my past and all that I am


    capable of, I did my best to be loyal and fair when it came to him. I never once yed him or tried to


    stab him in the back. I went against all I have been in my life, the person I made to survive ... all for


    him.


    I knew my limits and what side my bread was buttered with the chance he gave me. Safety, security


    and shelter, that¡¯s what I had by toeing the line in his world and it was all I have ever wanted. So I


    made sure I didn¡¯t screw it up by being foolish.


    Except I was stupid, but not in the way I have been in the past. I was dumb enough to think he meant it


    when he said sex meant nothing and would not interfere. He lied, he got what he wanted and it


    changed everything between us. He took everything from me for absolutely nothing connected to the


    job I did. I excelled in every way at running that club, and he chose to be a petty arsehole and put sex


    over business. He is the one who wanted sex without effect, and he is the one who let it destroy all he


    gave me. I deserve an answer for all of that, a reason he changed all the rules. I did all he asked and


    yet he gets to decide my fate and throw me aside.


    Why does he get to choose my future? Why does he get to use me and drop me so easily? Why does


    he get to walk away as though I meant nothing without any sort of exnation? Why does he get to


    take away my chance at a safe existence?


    He said sex wouldn¡¯t matter, and yet all it did was change everything and push him to despise me. I


    want to confront him and be angry about all of this, yet I also want that night too. I want that feeling of


    being safe, of being home finally. He showed me a possibility of another life, in another way. He


    showed me what loving someone could feel like and it left its mark on me and now I am ruined. He


    made me love him.


    I know that he doesn¡¯t want me near him anymore and I know it¡¯s partly my fault. I made it too obvious


    that I cared, clung to him. Maybe I was needy or overly obvious about how I felt and it suffocated him. I


    triggered him, I disobeyed him and I found ways to rile him when I know what he¡¯s like. I told myself so


    many times to just close my mouth and nod in obedience and yet failed to do so.


    Stop it Cami!


    You are justifying his behaviour, epting his torment because you are weak. Stop being like her, stop


    epting his treatment because he has twisted your head to feel like you deserve it. Stop excusing


    what he is doing to you. He has made you believe it¡¯s what you deserve, and you are so far beyond


    that. You deserve more. You deserve an ounce of respect for what you did for him!

 Chapter 70

    Chapter 70


    Loving someone is not a reason to treat you shittily. You deserve answers from him. I¡¯m battling myself,


    fighting my own thoughts and yet the overwhelming aching pain is taking control. Alcohol fuelled


    stupidness and I cannot seem to stop myself, dragging myself onto my feet as I sway around crazily,


    mentally yelling NO while my body aims for the bedroom with a set mind to finding my phone, with


    tears dripping off my nose.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I want to hear him say it in his own words. Why I¡¯m not good enough? Why he doesn¡¯t trust me? Why


    I¡¯m good enough to fuck and yet so easy to discard? I cannot seem to apply the logical ranting refusals


    to the parts of me which are in control and looking for where I left it, tripping over my own feet as I


    search the bed and bedside cab.


    I am two people in one brain and the dumb part,pletely intoxicated and ignoring reason, is in


    control of my physical movements. My heart shredding with the stupid intoxicated stupor I am in and


    nking every warning bell and rm call going off like a neon sign over my head. He doesn¡¯t want to


    talk to me and if he does he will find some way of being the arsehole he always is.


    That night was a one-off, never to be repeated and I need to stop clinging to empty hope and fantasy.


    Even telling myself this, I still keep looking for it. I locate my phone on the floor by the bed and slump


    down in a dishevelled heap beside it to pick it up, stabbing manically at the screen in an attempt to pull


    up his number and smiling to myself in satisfaction when, through my haze and blurry vision, I see his


    name across my screen as it connects.


    It¡¯s short-lived when it goes straight to his answer machine and I hang up and try again with a touch of


    bitterness. Seventeen times in a row like a psycho stalker not taking the hint, and seventeen times I


    have worked myself into a frenzy of rage because the arsehole has clearly turned off his phone after


    leaving me here to rot. Alexi never turns off his phone, so why today when he¡¯s dumped my arse on


    Mico.


    I wonder if he has blocked my number and another sob hits me full force with this realisation.


    Bastard! I wouldn¡¯t put it past him to be this cold. He truly has wiped his hands of me without one single


    tiny ounce of decency, and I, for one, am not going to just disappear without a fight because Lord


    Carrero deems it. I want to fucking see him and yell at the bastard, I want to have it out and hear him


    tell me what I did that was so fucking wrong in his life that he has to hate me the way he does.


    I want to know exactly why he never wants me near MY club again after I was the one who made it


    what it is. I put my all into that ce and now he is recing me with some airhead in a cheap dress


    who couldn¡¯t run anything, let alone my upmarket establishment. It¡¯s the worst part of this.


    I struggle to my feet and move around the room trying to locate something to put on my feet and scoop


    up the first pair of boots I see. I slide them on and fall off the end of the bed with an almostical


    thud which I am too drunk to feel. Groaning as the room spins around me I pick myself up clumsily to


    pull on the first coat to hand and yank it on. Pulling my heavy body back up, using the bed as support, I


    start stubbornly walking for the main door, once again tripping over nothing and spending a few


    minutes more getting off my face to try and go outside.


    This time I have to spit out fur from the rug that is all up inside my mouth and nose and shake myself a


    little to be more coordinated in a bid to get on the path I have set myself. Everything is swaying awfully,


    my head spinning and my insides feel like they are on a washing machine spin cycle.


    Emotionally I am a mess of rage and heartbreak and cannot stick with one or the other, I can¡¯t think or


    see straight and one thing is on rey in my head. Alexi does not care about me. But he is sure as hell


    going to face me onest bloody time! That little voice of sense and reason, so far away in the back of


    my brain, yet here I am, swaying down the hall with keys in hand and zipping up my tiny jacket to shield


    me from the horrendous weather outside. The desk clerk watches my attempt to walk by, and even


    though it¡¯s obvious I ampletely inebriated he just goes back to typing on his expensive pc at his


    polished marble desk and ignores my hazardous departure. The door man does the same and it just


    adds to the sense of tragedy, the emptiness inside of me, and the fact it¡¯s obvious I am in no state to go


    out alone, yet they do not give one shit about it.


    I am invisible, worthless and no one cares.


    The street is dark and wet, and I immediately get hit in the face with a cold biting wind andshing rain


    ¡ªnot that I care¡ªit can¡¯t be any worse than my makeup I stupidly applied after Mico left being in


    stripes down my face now. It¡¯s probably one of the reason both men just ignored me, I must look like


    hell. Some drunk mess who has severe mental issues by the looks of her, and they wouldn¡¯t be wrong.


    I give no shits at all. Maybe I do. I mean, why else would I be running towards a man who makes me


    feel this crap in general?


    All because I want to see him, because he doesn¡¯t want to see me, because he is sending me to be


    someone else¡¯s problem and no longer wants anything to do with me, because he is taking what I


    worked so hard for away. I know this is why this heightened panic has hit me in this way, this sense that


    tonight is thest chance I will have of seeing him. Getting this out between us!


    He is not an easy guy to get time with as he¡¯s always shrouded with his men or moves around a lot.


    You don¡¯t just bump into someone like Alexi very often if you do not move in his circles, and once I am


    out of his loop I will probably never find him again, never get to see my club, my baby, ever again.


    I don¡¯t quite know how I manage it, being that I can barely see straight, but somehow I get a tube ride


    downtown and end up two blocks from the club while still slurring every wording out of my mouth


    and walking like an injured fawn.


    People are avoiding me as the crazy drunk woman who is still sobbing her heart out, and I am more


    than aware of the pathetic spectacle I am making of myself. Typical New Yorkers avoiding something


    they deem is none of their business.


    I know I am pretty much signing my death certificate bying here and trying to see him, and I have


    no idea what to say or what I will do when faced with him, but all rationale has gone out the window


    and all my blurry stupid head is repeating is ¡®¡¯Find Alexi¡¯¡¯ I just need to see him. I have a speech in my


    head of what I want to say, angry and sad at the same time, my mind turning over a chaos of words


    and usations that I know I wouldn¡¯t have the guts to say if I was sober.


    I walk the rest of the way as the rain turns to drizzle and I¡¯m soaked through to my underwear. My hair


    is still tied up in a ponytail and acting as a tap for the water to run down my back and into my boots. I


    feel like my clothes are stuck to every part of me and I must look like I went swimming while fully


    clothed. I just have nothing else on my brain than the task I have set myself upon, too stupidly,


    drunkenly stubborn for my own good.


    When I get close to the back alley I start sticking to the shadows and avoiding the street lights. If any of


    his men catch sight of me then it''s game over, and they will stop me before I get to see him. Mico will


    march my arse right back to the upper side and dump me back in that apartment and probably chain


    me to a bed.


    It¡¯s not lost on me that hours ago I was making a break for it and running away from this man, and yet


    here I am stalking him stupendously in a bid to see him once more, even if I am nning on telling him


    a few home truths and where he can go fuck himself when I am done.


    This is how crazily fucked up he makes me and I have no idea which way is up anymore. I''m doing


    dumb arse things in a bid to w back some sanity.


    I get to the street which runs down the side of the club and the secret side entrance and hide behind


    some bins to watch for security. The door is closed and it¡¯s still only ten p.m., so the club won¡¯t be open


    just yet. Lately, he has been pushing entry time to eleven and I can guess that the door staff won¡¯t be


    standing behind it this early. I know the code for the entry pad and I just need to slide in unseen.


    I look around for cars back here, the closed off car park they use, and I don¡¯t see Mico¡¯s car or any that


    Alexi is normally chauffeured around in and start doubting he is even here. Heart sinking with the


    realisation that maybe I just ¡®¡®Mission Impossibled¡¯¡¯ it over here for absolutely nothing.


    Almost as though fate willed it, I see headlights sh my way and I recoil to hide behind the metal


    container out of sight as a sleek dark sports car slides into the car park. I recognise it as the one he


    brought to the Hamptons the night I ran away. Its Alexi¡¯s car for sure, if not his then Gino¡¯s, and I stay


    concealed while the engine tones down to a hum, signalling he is parking.


    I slide out as it manoeuvres to a stop quickly and brush the rain out of my eyes, so I can see who is


    getting out. He has his back to me and it could be either of them, dressed in dark jeans and a t-shirt


    under a leather jacket, annoyingly causal. It¡¯s not normally an Alexi outfit, but there¡¯s something about


    him that screams Alexi rather than Gino and I cannot pinpoint it.


    I watch with bated breath, taking in the trainers and casual attire from the back and really doubting this


    isn¡¯t Gino. When he turns sideways I catch sight of his neck tattoo and my heart elevates to a rapid


    beat, confirming I was right. This is Alexi, looking very Saturday night rather than workday chic and


    achingly handsome.


    I have to catch the sudden urge to sob and inhale quickly to calm the instantck of breath and prickle


    of tears at seeing him again. I already feel frail and close to meltdown but now I have the added


    palpitations and shaking limbs to go with it, my heart upping its beat and my palms getting mmy,


    despite being sodden from the rain.

 Chapter 71

    Chapter 71


    He walks around the car and I almost break in two when he opens the passenger door and helps a tall


    leggy blonde out, resting his palm on her back in a gentlemanly and very touchy-feely manner as he


    guides her towards the building confidently. Rushing her out of the rain.


    I want to scream and drag her away from him, fiery rage instantly coursing through my veins and my


    brain crashing like a tidal wave. Anger and pain coursing through me, jealousy and heartbreak with a


    crushing ache from him being with someone else.


    I hate him. I don¡¯t know what to do. I wasn¡¯t expecting him to show up here with a date and I had no


    n for what I should do if he had a woman with him.


    I sag and start to cry against the metal bin, burying my face in my arms to let it all out before I start to


    try and get my head together. I should go and not keep doing this to myself, but something inside of me


    doesn¡¯t want to. I came to see him, came to confront him onest time and drunk logic is pulling me to


    my feet and in the direction he went. Pushing it down and ignoring the lump in my throat and the


    spiking ache in my stomach as I heave and swallow down my hysteria. I console myself as best I can


    and take the steps after him to the door which has swung shut in the dark night air behind him.


    I¡¯m talking myself out of it even as I cross the park, well trying to, but my body is not getting the memo


    and I key in the ess code as soon as Ie level with it. The gentle beep and then the click of the


    door opening does not deter me. Stubborn headed and emotionally stuck on this path, I slide in unseen


    and enter the empty dark hall, thanking my lucky stars they haven¡¯t put on the lights down here yet. I


    can¡¯t hear Alexi¡¯s voice down the hall, so I bank right to the lifts which are dimly lit and concealed. I


    keep my face downwards as I pass against the wall under the camera here.


    If security is watching the screens then they might not guess it¡¯s me. My hair is soaked so it looks dark,


    almost mahogany and it¡¯s tied back, so in shadow it would look brown on the cameras low resolution in


    the dark. I am dressed like any of the girls when theye on shift so he will think I am one of them


    arriving early.


    It¡¯s amazing that even while banging into walls and tripping over my own feet with my blurry vision and


    cotton wool brain that I have gotten this far, and as I watch the lift doors close I sigh with relief, unable


    to believe I managed to get in here unseen and unstopped by any of his men. Metaphorically high


    fiving myself as I take another long steadying breath I dry my tears as the lift transports me up to the


    top floor.


    I have onest moment of doubt over what I am doing and shake myself.


    He is here with a woman, maybe already walking into the apartment to do God knows what with her.


    He doesn¡¯t want me here, he doesn¡¯t want me to see him and nothing I say to him will change that. I


    have no idea why I am still pursuing this.


    Will he really stand and listen to me going on at him about how he has done me wrong? He¡¯s Alexi, he


    doesn¡¯t give a shit. I stick to the wall at the side, concealed by the doors when it opens on the second


    and third floor. I can hear voices, but none are Alexi and I stay put until I hit the apartment floor, then


    slide out fast as I know for sure that security is bound to have seen me by now.


    My palm hits the ess panel outside the door and before I have a moment to ponder if he has


    removed my print to ess the door it clicks open, and I am inside in a second.


    Heart pounding with adrenaline coursing through my body, my breathing hard with the realisation that I


    have got up here and am really doing this as I push my way inside and blink as the first set of dim lights


    in the loungee on. It¡¯s obvious he¡¯s not here as the ce is in darkness and the lightse on as


    I walk through to check the rooms. I always loved the motion activated lights in here, but hardly a great


    thing when you are trying to be stealth and go unseen. I check both bedrooms, he is definitely not up


    here, so I¡¯m at a loss as to what to do.Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    If I chance going down then someone will remove me or cause a huge scene. There¡¯s hope that no one


    was watching the monitors as I got in here and I¡¯m safe and secure. I hope with me not staying here


    Alexi has no need to activate the cameras inside the apartment, so I could realistically stay here


    unseen for hours if no onees up. Worst case scenario, I spend the night and have to sneak out in


    the early hours before the staffe in to start cleaning at six a.m. Alexi would never know and I would


    get back in time for Mico picking me up at the apartment.


    Feeling listless I head for his mini bar and start rummaging for booze to make sure I do not lose this


    bravado and hide under the bed all night. I will need my drunken superhero sense to get out of here at


    some point and would rather staypletely sloshed in the process of making an utter idiot of myself. I


    don¡¯t want to sober up too much and start rationalising any of this shit. I would rather stay oblivious of


    sense for the time being and swallow down another bout of tears at the hopelessness of what I am


    doing.


    Dumber than dumb, this has to be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, yet here I am. Who


    am I trying to kid that this was only ever about giving him a piece of my mind? I came here to see


    someone my heart is pining for, no matter what I tell myself.


    He doesn¡¯t trust me, that¡¯s what Mico said, and maybe he needs to hear me tell him this isn¡¯t a game


    and that I care about him, that I love him. He is like me, protecting his heart and his head, maybe he


    just thinks I¡¯m using him in some way and is pushing me away to protect himself, the way I do with


    people.


    That¡¯s what my stupid head hase up with as I down another few rank mixed cocktails in a bid to


    get the drunkest I have ever been in my life. I end up sitting on the floor of the kitchen area and


    bursting into another bout of heart-wrenching tears.


    What the hell is wrong with me? I have never felt this deste or lost in my life, even after everything I


    have lived through. It¡¯s a whole new level of pain and despair and I cannot handle any of it. It¡¯s like all


    my absent emotions of the past twenty years of my life have somehowe together in one mass ball


    and decided to let loose on me at this very moment.


    I just want it to end, for the pain to stop, for my brain to still, and downing drink after drink isn¡¯t helping


    at all. It¡¯s making it worse, yet I can¡¯t stop.


    I lean forward holding a bottle of vodka by the neck and nt my face on my knees in a bid to calm


    down. Breathing so hard and crying so much that it¡¯s physically impossible to take a breath, and I try to


    level myself off a little. My ribs ache with the effort, my head still swimming, I just feel physically


    fatigued.


    ¡®¡®What the fuck are you doing here?¡¯¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice startles me with a jump and I spin up and turn to the


    door where he is standing like a giant aggressive bear. That little blonde bombshell cowering behind


    him.


    My insides melting to cold mush and his eyes are like steel knives aimed right at mine. I cannot look


    away even though it fills me withplete regret at being here. I know this feeling of fear well as it


    consumes me, and sense finally ps me with the absurdity of what I have done ining here.


    His presence reminds me of how much he intimidates me just by being in the same room, and I sink


    into the carpet in regret. This was sooooo dumb.

 Chapter 72

    Chapter 72


    ¡®¡®I came to talk to you,¡¯¡¯ I mumble out through garbled sobs and stutters and watch as his jaw tightens


    and his brows furrow devilishly. He looks anything but happy to see me and now I know what severe


    foolishness feels like as it floods through me at speed.


    ¡®¡¯There¡¯s nothing to say. Look at the state of you ¡­ what the hell, Cam?¡¯¡¯ Alexi stalks towards me at


    speed and I instinctively skate back on my arse and raise the bottle defensively. All he does is swipe it


    out of my hand and m it on the counter over my head as he stands over me, ignoring the fact I am


    curling into a little ball as he leans back to look at me.


    ¡®¡¯How much have you had to drink? Drunk and soaked ¡­ Do you want to get sick again?¡¯¡¯ He


    demands, sounding like an angry dad, and leans down to scrutinise me by grabbing my chin with two


    fingers, so he can angle my face and get a proper look at me. He pulls my face from side to side while


    he scrutinises me and I p his hand away, abhorring his touch and hating him for everything, shoving


    him in the shoulder to get my space back, but he doesn¡¯t move.


    It never dawned on me that maybe I got this horrendously drunk because I was still sick, and it could


    ount for how weak and weird I feel on top of in pissed.


    ¡®¡¯What does that matter? I¡¯m a grown up, I can do what I want!¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s a childish slurring mess and barely


    coherent as it falls out of my mouth thoughtlessly. I¡¯m digging in my heels because he is being his


    boorish cold self and he snarls at me with distaste.


    ¡®¡¯Sloppy drunk and irresponsible added to your list of assets. Well done, Cam.¡¯¡¯ He sounds like the


    bastarding sarcastic prick he always is, and I wonder why I even thought I could have this out with him


    and get any attitude other than this. I try and ignore his insult even though it bites and suddenly makes


    me ashamed of being this drunk.


    It was stupid and not me, but isn¡¯t this what he has done? Ground me down and made me be


    someone I never thought I would be. I don¡¯t even know who I am anymore!This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    He gets up and walks off, nodding at the girl to move away from the door, and jerks his head towards


    the couch. Like a good little puppy, she obediently trots over and sits down while eyeing him up


    adoringly. Brainless, submissive, awaiting his everymand with pathetic enthusiasm. I cannot even


    look at her as Alexi looks out of his apartment door to check if we are alone, before shutting it and us


    inside.


    I re at her hatefully, hating what she represents and why she is here. I was a fool for this man and


    he just reminded me of that.


    ¡®¡¯How did you get in here?¡¯¡¯ He turns on me, more out of curiosity than usation, but still very pissed


    and pulls my attention back to him. I gaze at that enquiring, angry frown for a moment and then sigh


    heavily and relent. I wanted to talk so I may as well grasp at his olive branch to do so, seeing as I half


    expected him to pick me up and bodily throw me out already.


    ¡®¡¯Your security is shit, and I have more assets than you give me credit for.¡¯¡¯ I pull myself up with the help


    of the cupboard handle and get to my feet while reaching for the vodka bottle. I feel knocked by his


    appearance and reverting to my n of staying sloshed to get through this. I need something to give


    me the strength to deal with him and his fuckbuddy. I pull it over and lift it to take another drink. Right


    now death by booze sounds like a great way to go and it would end the miserable existence known as


    my life.


    I barely get the neck to my lips when it¡¯s yanked out of my hands, a firm grip on my upper arm pulls me


    back and away from the counter top, so I sway badly and almost topple over, gasping with the fright he


    gives me.


    ¡®¡®What the ¡­?¡¯¡¯ I grasp out to steady myself, clinging to him as he throws the bottle into the sink with a


    ttering smash, shards and liquid spraying everywhere, and he ruins any chance of me drinking any


    more vodka.


    ¡®¡¯Enough booze, you can barely stand. You are a mess! What the hell were you thinkinging here


    and getting this smashed? What the fuck are you doing?¡¯¡¯ Alexi swings me to face him, so my hands


    meet his hard chest automatically to steady myself, and it is like an emotional trigger. Close proximity,


    touching him, and he¡¯s not being the worst kind of arsehole, yet. He¡¯s sort of being semi normal for him


    and it just hits home why I dide here.


    ¡®¡¯I love you.¡¯¡¯ I blurt it out stupidly, insanely and through a mass of snot and tears andplete


    incoherent drunkenness. I have no idea why this sudden deration is what I choose to answer with,


    but he freezes and looks at me with apletely deadpan expression that pretty much kills all weird


    hopes that maybe, just maybe, he cares.


    The long pause of unreadable silence almost kills me, but he does loosen his grip on my arm and just


    stands looking at me until I feel like I may shrivel from the exposure to those soulless eyes.


    ¡®¡¯I thought you had more ss than that ¡­ Is this the level of skill you have? A love deration,


    drunken tears and an invasion on my apartment. Are you really that desperate?¡¯¡¯


    And there he is, son of a bitch, sadistic and cruel all in one venomous sentence as he lets go of me to


    stumble on my own jelly legs. As though I am something disgusting to the touch. He steps back and


    just res at me as I sway on my feet, tears hitting harder than before and that aching spiking pain in


    my tummy spreads to my chest and throat.


    ¡®¡®It¡¯s not a lie, why do you think I am this drunk and this upset? You keep pushing me out of your life.¡¯¡¯ I


    sound desperate and I sound pathetic¡ªeven I can hear it, and I cannot stop the torrent of tears rolling


    down my cheeks. I have never allowed myself to be this way in front of any man since Rick raped me in


    my own home. He has no idea how far from a game n this is. I have no n at all.


    Alexi starts pping his hands in a soft apuse, startling me with a jump, and he smirks at me coldly.


    It¡¯s not exactly the reaction I was expecting, and it stills my tears for a moment as I just stare right back


    at him, bleeding out from my heart. Completely confused at his response.


    ¡®¡®Bravo, great performance baby ¡­ really had me hook line and sinker for sure! Now ¡­ What exactly is


    it you want, so we can avoid the amateur dramatics and get down to the point? I don¡¯t do maniption


    and if you think I¡¯ll be swayed by this shit, you¡¯re wrong. I don¡¯t give a fuck about you and I have ns,


    so spit it out.¡¯¡¯ He moves in close enough to say it in my face with meaning and hatred, then moves


    away and heads past me to go retrieve a bottle of whisky from the counter and pours himself a drink,


    oblivious to my emotional distress.


    He really is a hard-hearted prick. I cast my eyes over blondie on her perch, who is staring at her nails


    and lookingpletely smug about what¡¯s happening, and throw her a filthy look. She¡¯s all fake nails,


    fake hair, fake tits and fake lips, under a cheap slutty dress and fake designer shoes. A pale reflection


    of what I offered him.


    I hate her as much as I hate myself right now and I wish I had more sense than toe and do this.


    This is exactly how I should have known it would be.


    ¡®¡¯I just want you to care.¡¯¡¯ I turn back to watch him and try like crazy to stop the waterfall pouring down


    my face, but he has a knack of finding new ways to pull pain from deep within me and inflict it in higher


    doses. If I thought I was crushed with it before he walked in, I¡¯m at new levels now and struggling to


    breathe.


    ¡®¡®Well I don¡¯t, in fact, since I met you my life has been one constant headache, and I am looking forward


    to neverying eyes on you again. Does that sound like someone who gives a shit about you,


    London?¡¯¡¯ His cruelty and the way he looks at me over his shoulder before he throws his drink down his


    throat almost ends me and I break into a thousand pieces once again, like the many other times he has


    done this.


    ¡®¡®Why do you have to be this way? Why are you so hateful towards me? What did I ever do to you to


    deserve this?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out in a rush of trembling words, tripping over each other and almost incoherent in a


    garbled mess. I sound whiny and pathetic almost on my knees with the effort of keeping the room still,


    everything spinning away from me as alcohol courses through my system and makes this situation a


    whole lot worse.


    ¡®¡®Maybe because you think you are more important than any of the other women in my life and push


    past your station at every opportunity. You need a reality check ¡­ You are nothing but a trashy whore


    who let me fuck you more than once and can¡¯t ept that¡¯s all this has been. Money and sex, and now


    I¡¯m done with you.¡¯¡¯ He shrugs me away and turns back to pour himself a second drink, jaw tight and


    brows dipped, not even trying to conceal his anger at me.

 Chapter 73

    Chapter 73


    ¡®¡¯DON¡¯T CALL ME A WHORE!!!¡¯¡¯ I scream at him irrationally, shing rage at that little trigger word,


    anger fighting to the forefront over the pain and I¡¯m getting erratic. Whore is a word I hate above all


    else, a word I have been called over and over by anyone and everyone who wants to put me down.


    Someone giving me abel like that means they can justify how they treat me, as though I am not


    human and don¡¯t deserve any sort of respect.


    A whore is a choice, and it never was for me, it was a means to survive, and I am sick to death of being


    treated like that¡¯s all I am. A vessel to fuck, a body to abuse ¡­


    Alexi doesn¡¯t react to my outburst, just stays calm and unmoveable. Sometimes I wonder if he is even


    human at all. He¡¯s so devoid of normal emotions and reactions, it¡¯s like he¡¯s a bloody cyborg.


    ¡®¡¯You fuck men to make money, you¡¯re a whore ¡­ get over it. You chose that life so wear the title.¡¯¡¯ I


    swear he sounds no different to a school teacher spelling out the meaning to some random word and I


    snap, like some bubbling volcano from deep within, after a night of analysing and torturing myself with


    memories on this very topic¡ªites out of nowhere and I scream at him with all my might.


    ¡®¡¯I never chose this life! I never chose to be this way! I was eleven years old when my mother held me


    down and let men rape me for drugs. Don¡¯t tell me what I chose because I never chose that! I never


    chose to be a prisoner for years, or beaten and raped half to death to the point I wanted to die so many


    times over. I never chose to live my life running, hiding, lying to get by and I sure as hell never chose


    servitude and ending up with bastards like you!!!¡¯¡¯ The words are not enough and I am against him in a


    sh,shing out, pping at his stupid body and head in a bid to expel all the rage and pain that has


    been building up for hours. It¡¯s like I am consumed with a burning, blinding white insanity. Sparks and


    fury flying free in a bid to expel all that I feel. Crazily apt on my limbs that were molten a moment ago


    as I go at him with everything I have left in me.


    ws, fists, feet and more. Alexi is getting the brunt of a million beatings that I have endured. I¡¯m


    heaving air in an effort to breathe as even my lungs burn with the fiery pits of hell. Alexi is stronger and


    faster than me and with a sh of brute force he spins us both and bodily ms me back against the


    wall, almost knocking the wind out of me, and shocking me out of the barrage of ps I was firing at


    him. His hand is around my throat as he pins me and pain slices through my body from the collision.


    It¡¯s enough to turn me to dead weight and I cannot swallow with the vicious grip he has on me; my


    throat feeling like its closing up and I choke on my own saliva in panic. I instantly recoil to weak and


    repentant but it¡¯s toote, what¡¯s done is done. Hees nose to nose with so much hatred and


    aggression I practically recoil into my shoes.


    ¡®¡¯I told you never toy hands on me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s the sadistic tone and the eyes ofplete emptiness that


    send me into terrified hysteria, my blood running cold. He looks like a man who will beat me half to


    death without remorse or effort.


    I start grabbing at his jacket in panic as his hand closes around my throat even more firmly to hold me


    still. I gasp in fright that he might actually strangle me this time, wing at his hand at my neck and


    freaking out. My head is lost between reality and memory of men who went a lot further and the things


    they did, and I am in a blind panic. I know what it¡¯s like to be choked until you pass out; that horrible


    awful fear and panic to breathe, while your mind drifts and fades, only to wake up to horrendous acts


    upon your body and have them do it all over again.


    I won¡¯t let him do this to me. I won¡¯t let him keep hurting me.


    I start trying to push at him to get him off, hands raking his jacket and shirt and trying to w at his


    neck. He catches one of my wrists and ms my hand into the wall over my head in a bid to stop me,


    sending another stabbing pain to my body, another way to inflict fear as I am restrained.


    He is still in my face and looking terrifying. I have no clue what he is nning as he silently smirks at


    my pitiful attempts to break free, but all I can think of is what he is capable of. Tying me up, using me


    for his own ends and then snapping me in two when he is done. I am in no doubt with that satanic look


    on his face that I have met myst night on this Earth, Alexi will kill me.


    My free hand collides with something cold and hard under his arm within his jacket that hurts my


    knuckles and I instantly hone in for it in case it¡¯s heavy enough to be used against him. Grappling at


    what feels like a smooth metal and leather device Alexi looks down with a hesitated nce as I catch


    hold of it.


    Almost like slow motion, I realise with a sh that it¡¯s the gun he sometimes carries. Right there, within


    my grasp.


    Almost without thought, and quicker than he can release me to make a grab for it, I yank it free from its


    holster as he makes for the same thing, knowing he fucked up by letting me at it. I knew he sometimes


    carried one, it¡¯s not the first time I have seen him with a holster. I just never thought I would ever be


    laying hands on it in a bid to save myself from him.


    Even drunk I am oddly faster, fear fuelled as adrenaline soars through me, my heart pounding into my


    head and gasping for air. I push the gun at his chest with speed while he is still trying to go for my arms


    and shove him backwards with more force than I thought I was capable of. For the first time ever, like


    some crazy alternate universe, I manage to physically push him back because he is caught off guard


    and he stumbles a few steps away before righting himself.


    I grab onto the steel with two hands shaking violently and aim it right at his chest. My hands sweating


    and fear pumping through my veins at a rate of knots, sobering me slightly and highlighting the


    complete ¡®¡¯no way out¡¯¡¯ situation I find myself in.


    Alexi goes from anger to amusement in an instant transformation. The devil in that face of his, quaking


    me to my soul. He breaks into a sardonic grin that makes my blood curdle and moves back to stand


    casually in front of me, almost lounging indifferently. Not the reaction of a sane person at all, and not


    one you can reason with to save your own life.


    I am so screwed.


    ¡®¡®You going to shoot me, London?¡¯¡¯ He smirks at me and crosses his arms across his wide expanse of


    chest. Any other time and ce he would look like a guy confidently standing in a queue or waiting for


    a bus.


    What the hell is wrong with you, Alexi?


    ¡®¡¯I ¡­ I ¡­¡¯¡¯ I¡¯m frantically trying to think, knowing I just made this a whole lot worse, and if I put the gun


    down now then God knows what he will do to me. The blonde has gotten up and run to hide behind the


    bedroom door, squealing in fear and I wave it around in agitation as her noise gets louder and more


    hysterical.


    ¡®¡¯Shut up, shut up you stupid bitch.¡¯¡¯ I cannot think with the hellish noise she is making, and I am in


    freak out mode. She stops screeching and ms her mouth shut as though she thinks I might shoot


    her first and I try and reel in my scattered brain. I have never held a real gun and the fact it¡¯s here in my


    hand, heavy and cold, much heavier than I imagined it would be, makes this a whole lot more sickening


    to me. I¡¯m terrified of what I hold. My heart is pounding through my chest until I think it may burst out


    and Alexi is way too calm, standing watching me. He doesn¡¯t seem to care that a gun is pointing his


    way at all and I think I care more than he does, even though I¡¯m the one holding the damn thing.


    Breaking into cold sweats as nausea rises in my throat I swear I might have a heart attack. The girl is


    mumbling now, trying to keep quiet, but he¡¯s acting like she is not even here. Those cold grey eyes


    honed in on me and I just want to curl up and die.


    I don¡¯t know how to get out of this. He will make life unbearable and I have nowhere else to run


    anymore. Mico isn¡¯t here to stop him and the girl won¡¯t intervene in any way; he will kill me for this.


    I put a gun to his chest¡ªAlexi Carrero¡¯s chest.


    Jesus Christ, Cami!


    I am unsure what else to do except keep him at bay and prolong the inevitable until I can think about


    what I am doing. I threatened the life of a Carrero. You do not walk away from that unscathed.


    ¡®¡¯Are you going to do something with that or keep waving it around?¡¯¡¯ Alexi draws me back to his face


    and I lift it up and point it his way a little more intently, trying to fake bravado, telling him to stay back.


    My hands are shaking, and I can see the gun is shaking so badly that he has to be able to see it too.


    He¡¯ll know how much I am freaking out inside. I have my finger in the trigger space and it feels so alien


    in my hands. So heavy it¡¯s making my arms ache.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    I don¡¯t know what to do. It¡¯s like my brain is stuttering and failing to kick start, nk emptiness as panic


    circles around and around inside and all I want is to be anywhere but here.

 Chapter 74

    Chapter 74


    ¡®¡¯I just wanted you to see me, to talk to me,¡¯¡¯ I whisper, lost in my own head and the surreal haze that¡¯s


    surrounding me now. I feel like this is a dream and if I could rewind and go back a few minutes then I


    would. I sound like a crazy person having a mental break, maybe I am. Booze and Alexi¡¯s head games


    pushed me to a ce I never thought I would ever go. He broke me.


    ¡®¡®You know maybe you should just pull the trigger if it makes you feel better. Maybe it¡¯s the only way out


    of this.¡¯¡¯ He smirks again and I focus my tear blurred vision on his face, breaking in two. A face I came


    to love and hate at the same time and now a face that sends the fear of God into me.


    I don¡¯t know if he¡¯s being serious or ying with my head as he has that mask of deadpan on his face,


    and I cannot read him from his calm demeanour orck of emotions at this moment. I want him to shut


    up and stop talking because he¡¯s only making me worse, and I literally cannot stop shaking all over.


    ¡®¡¯Are you going to kill me?¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s out before I can stop it and I swear there is a flicker of something in his


    eye that looks a little like hesitation, so fleeting I cannot be sure. My heart stops and my stomach


    somersaults, knowing that could mean the answer is yes. I knew I would never walk away from this.


    ¡®¡¯It¡¯s more fun to make you suffer for a lifetime, London. I might just tie you up and keep you as my


    ything in my little ck room of whips and chains, teach you to never point a gun my way again.¡¯¡¯


    The words are his usual venomous hatred but the tone is missing. He sounds as empty as I feel and


    his words don¡¯t hit me with the same fear and intimidation that they normally do. It confuses me, but I


    know by now that he is all acts, games and lies and I should never fall for a single thing he does or


    says.


    He is smarter than me and more able to y mind games. Even though I am the one holding the gun, I


    know I will be the one who dies tonight. He will turn this around somehow, and I¡¯m no match.


    ¡®¡¯I just wanted you to care about me.¡¯¡¯ It¡¯s heartfelt and true, words from my soul, barely breathed they


    are so quiet, but he hears me and weirdly he looks away and then down at his feet. I don¡¯t know what I


    see, a glimpse of a look of remorse for a fleeting second, a lull in his master n on how to handle this


    maybe?


    Maybe just stalling so he can think of how to handle me, and my arms are already drooping with the


    effort of holding up this unearthly metal object. It¡¯s like a tonne weight in my hands and even my


    shoulders are vibrating with the effort. It¡¯s icy cold in my pale hands and crying out at me to drop it.


    I need to do something and soon before he can simply walk over and take it from me. I should just give


    it to him. I can¡¯t though. It¡¯s all that stands between me and the world of pain he can reign down on me.


    I can¡¯t take anymore and my mind is waning, my strength is gone and I won¡¯t be able to survive what


    he could do to me. All of this pain and longing will never have a happy ending for me.


    Girls like me don¡¯t have heroes and happy ever afters. They have lives like mine that end in some sad


    tragic way and no one remembers their name. There is no happy ever after for me. There is no way


    out.


    The emptiness and destion are not just about Alexi. It¡¯s about me and my existence and knowing it


    will never get any better. These past few months was the closest to any sort of realness to rtionships


    I have ever felt in my life, and all it has caused me is pain. It has highlighted how far from the road to


    worthy I am or will ever be.


    I¡¯m hopeless, worthless and no one cares what happens to me really, even Mico will forget about me in


    time. I will be a burden to him as I have done to Alexi.


    It¡¯s all thereid out in front of me with the most obvious solution in bold letters and I know what I must


    do to get out of this. I know how to put an end to this war between us and free myself from any more.


    ¡®¡¯You¡¯re right you know?¡¯¡¯ I smile through my tears at him, taking in that face that I both love and


    despise, taking in the man who can be both my protector and my tormentor. I love him and I hate him


    all at the same time, and even now when I know he could be the one who puts out my me, I have


    some sort of inkling of feelings for him in the embers of my burnt out soul.


    ¡®¡®About what?¡¯¡¯ He looks back up at me, his eyes softer than I have ever seen them and for a moment I


    wonder what he is really thinking behind that mask of cool indifference. The anger is gone and instead


    of apleteck of any sort of expression, Alexi just looks tired.


    He looks how I feel, but I don¡¯t trust what I see though, I can¡¯t. He¡¯s devious and I should never forget


    that.


    ¡®¡¯Maybe pulling the trigger is the only way out,¡¯¡¯ I answer emptily, truly meaning it. I got myself here and


    the only way out ends in a bullet leaving this chamber. We both know it and maybe that¡¯s what he has


    resigned to knowing too. If he tries toe at me I will pull the trigger, so he knows it¡¯s pointless to try.


    I look at the gun in my hands, adjusting to its heaviness in a bid to lift it higher, and stare at the


    simplicity of this thing that has the power to end a life. It¡¯s him or me. I have a choice on how this ends.


    You stop pain by removing the cause, right?


    ¡®¡¯Do us both a favour and go ahead, what are you waiting for? A change in me? It will never happen. I


    am who I am.¡¯¡¯ Alexi doesn¡¯t sound like he normally does and even though his words sound confident,


    there¡¯s a tinge of something else that makes me hesitate and nce back at his face. His eyes locked


    on mine, and yet I don¡¯t see anything other than Alexi and his cool indifference. I hesitate, try to grapple


    any sort of anything from that face and get nothing at all.


    I never did learn how to read him. I never really knew him at all.


    Blondie is sobbing and clinging to the door on the floor over by the bedroom, but I zone her out. If she


    has sense like any of the women who live in this world she will go in there and shut the door, so she


    sees nothing. Women in this world know to keep their mouths shut; she should save herself from what


    she is about to witness.


    I feel calmer suddenly, as though by somehow taking control of my actions and what I n to do it


    softens everything into a hazy surreal dream. My heart slows and my panic sizzles into a sad


    eptance. I sniff back some tears and smile softly through the haze of mess my face is in.


    He isn¡¯t going to try and stop me, in fact, it¡¯s like he wants it too, and it kills all thest ounce of doubt in


    me. He has always been one step ahead and always knows what I am thinking and feeling, so he has


    to know what is clicking away in my mind right now.


    He doesn¡¯t care, and he is right¡ªstop dying.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    ¡®¡¯I wasn¡¯t lying you know? It was never a game for me. I do love you, Alexi, and all I ever wanted was


    for you to love me too and see past what everyone thinks I am. I never lied to you, I never betrayed


    you. I changed because of you. You made me care.¡¯¡¯ I feel like he needs to know, I need to say it to him


    and want him to know I mean it.


    I didn¡¯t think I was capable of loving anyone and before I do what I am about to do I want him to know


    it. As awful as it was to fall for someone like him, he at least showed me that I could, and was not as


    broken as I always thought I was. He taught me I could still feel and I want it out there between us


    before I end this.


    He says nothing, just stares at me with those soulless eyes, watching my every move, and doesn¡¯t


    break the intense gaze he has on me. Silence stretched between us, and he is just ... immobile.


    I wish I knew what he was thinking, but it doesn¡¯t matter anymore, my mind is made up and I know how


    to be free of him. I lift the gun steadily, holding it tighter, feel the weight pulling my hands down, but I


    hold it steady and firmly tighten my grip. Determined within my haze of fuzzy head to finally put an end


    to the misery he causes me.


    ¡®¡®Just one bullet, right? That¡¯s all it takes, one moment and it¡¯s all over.¡¯¡¯ I¡¯m stalling, afraid of the other


    side, but determined not to sway on my decision. I want this to stop and I want to be free of my


    torment.


    ¡®¡¯That¡¯s right, one pull of a trigger will change your life forever.¡¯¡¯ He sounds sarcastic, a dry statement


    that I guess is a throwback from what he did at thirteen, the start of a path change for him that clearly


    affected him more than he ever wanted me to know. A moment of truth.


    ¡®¡¯I¡¯m sorry ¡­ Please forgive me.¡¯¡¯ A tear rolls down my cheek, genuine sadness for what I know is


    coming, and for a fleeting moment, I think he tenses to reach for me but then returns to standing stock


    still, letting the gun point right at his heart. Fearless and unemotional!


    I wouldn¡¯t expect anything less from him. A sad anticlimactic end to a world torrent of a ride. I smile at


    him slowly, genuinely with tears trickling down my face, my eyes locked as though somehow I can draw


    strength from those beautiful greys.


    I¡¯ll miss seeing them.


    Despite all he is, I will miss him.


    This is it ¡­


    The end to all my troubles and maybe now I can finally know what it is to be that dandelion seed, set


    free on the breeze and finding her way in the wind.


    Soaring to a better ce where he can never touch me again.


    I turn the gun to my own head and without hesitation, I pull the trigger.


    End of book one ¨C book two follows on.

 Chapter 75

    Chapter 75


    Light flickers painfully through the gap in myshes as I try to open my eyes. Completely disorientated


    and aware of noise and chaos around me, but it all seems so very far away. Strangely calm and


    floating inside a weird, weightless bubble of blurred reality, with sounds muted and distant.


    I reach out to touch my head, disembodied with a heavy limb, aching so badly all over. I feel like my


    skull has been split wide open and throbs gnawingly, but a warm hand stops me mid-air. Bringing me to


    a focus.


    ¡®Hush now there, darlin¡¯, just rx. Momma Jo got you. You take it easy youngdy and let me check


    your stats like a good girl. Don¡¯t you move, ya¡¯ hear. I won¡¯t be just a tick.¡¯ The caring honeyden


    voice of a southern woman washes over me and stills my movements soothingly. I flinch when her


    feathery touch awakens my arm, as though somehow it hadn¡¯t been part of me until that second, and


    my limb tingles as I drift in and out of this strange fuzzy haze. Disembodied in my odd foggy world.


    I have no idea where I am or what is going on. I can¡¯t see properly, a sleepy blurring mist of movement


    as I try to focus and get the sensation that I am lying on a bed. I cannot be sure if that¡¯s what is


    happening, although I am aware I amying out t and it¡¯s not ufortable. I can make out forms,


    maybe people moving in front of me, and yet I have no clue what I am looking at. Everything


    disconnected, so far away and heaviness holds me prisoner in my strange state.


    The harsh blinding brightness clicks off with a loud noise beside my left ear, amplified and echoey. It


    makes me flinch again and that voicees back to me in a gentle wave once more.


    ¡®Is that better honey? Lamp is a bit bright and you really should try and rest. It¡¯s after two a.m.¡¯


    I can¡¯t even make out the face hovering over me, despite its closeness, and the new shadows and


    darkness from what I presume is her switching off the lights for me, just makes it harder to see what¡¯s


    going on. I am trying so hard to blink and open my eyes fully, they feel like they are glued shut and only


    as little slits with no real ability to see much.


    Arger form further back appears, standing out in a white top and dark bottoms, seeming bigger than


    the blue haze of the woman nearer me and I can tell it¡¯s male. It has an eerierge presence that draws


    my consciousness towards it like a ma. It¡¯s as though my mind seeks refuge in whatever it is.


    ¡®Is she aware of what¡¯s going on?¡¯ The voice seems so very familiar to me, husky, masculine and


    warm, but I can¡¯t keep my eyes open as I try to hone in on the shape. I can¡¯t pinpoint why it¡¯s so familiar


    to me. Fatigue swimming in as it takes over and I try to hold onto the reality in which my brain is badly


    connecting. I am so confused and trying hard to grasp any sort of understanding to how I got here.


    ¡®She¡¯s still in and out. Was a nasty, big old bump to her head, and with all that booze we had to flush


    outta her system, she¡¯s just struggling to make sense of things right now. She be alright. Just let her


    sleep it off in the best ce for her, Mr Carrero.¡¯


    My brain perks up at the name, brain connecting, wing for recognition of the voice. It could be Mico,


    or it could be Alexi, maybe it could be Gino for all I can fathom right now. I just don¡¯t know. Nothing


    makes sense, or even why they would be here with me in this crazy ce. I am so out of whack,


    floating on a weird cloud of strange and yet my body won¡¯t respond. I am trying so hard to see; eyelids


    heavier now and no longer under my control as they nk everything out. Fighting to keep them open


    marginally.


    ¡®Does she know I¡¯m here?¡¯ The voice is so far off and low it¡¯s almost inaudible. Deep, sensual, male,


    Carrero, but indistinguishable as to whether it¡¯s Alexi or his cousin when it¡¯s this far off and surrounded


    by beeps, clips, whirs, and noise, making everything blend into one.


    ¡®Well, she has one mighty concussion and a hangover from hell, so it¡¯s hard to tell. Now hush up and


    let the girl sleep. She will open them pretty blues again soon enough, and be wishing she hadn¡¯t


    downed that boat full of booze to do away with whatever this little thing was trying to drown.¡¯ She


    laughs merrily. A throaty and deep bellyache of augh but there is something kind about it and it¡¯s the


    last thing I hear as I fall back into weightless darkness at an rming speed. Trying to cling on


    desperately with a limbless body as I will myself not to fall down the rabbit¡¯s hole. I struggle to stay in


    my conscious state and grip onto flickers of noise and movement instead.


    I don¡®t want to fall into oblivion. I want to get up and figure out what the hell is going on. How I even got


    here and what¡¯s happened to me.


    I have no idea at all. My memory is hazy and filled with odd images, shes of dark, light, nonsense


    and breaks in thoughts. I blink hard again as I try to get them open once more and realise, lifting my


    hand to touch my face, that I have something over my nose and mouth. Feeling out the air tube under


    my nostrils that¡¯s blowing a gentle breeze across my mmy skin and the distraction is enough to bring


    me back to the present once more.


    I must be in a hospital, but I have no idea how I got here or even why. Thest thing I can really pull


    together in my mind is being drunk and trying to get into Alexi¡¯s apartment. How drunk and stupid I was.


    All I can visualise is waiting for him on his floor and drinking so much more booze than my body could


    handle. No wonder I feelpletely headless, maybe I am still wasted as hell.


    I wonder if I passed out?


    I feel wretched, try to sit up, straining to move with soft grunts, internally fighting to throw off the nket


    of darkness holding me down. Sighing and giving up with the heaviness of my body right now as


    another wave of fatigue hits me hard and threatens to pull me under. Still not attached in any way and I


    try and clear my throat to speak out as ast-ditch attempt to make them aware I am with them in the


    room. I hate feeling like I am a floating entity and invisible somehow.


    Lifting my hands to rub my eyes open and clear the cotton wool surrounding my brain clumsily as


    heavy fingers twitch and slump on my cheek,cking grace. Nothing is real or lucid and I could be high


    on drugs for all I know. Nothing is coordinated.


    ¡®Don¡¯t try and get up, just sleep. Shhhhhh.¡¯ It¡¯s that voice again, gentle soothing, caring and I know it


    can¡¯t be Alexi. He would never sound this way when it came to me¡ªthe woman he loathes. The


    woman he takes pride in breaking at every turn. Alexi would not piss on me if I were on fire.


    It has to be Mico, he¡¯s the onlypassionate one in his cousin¡¯s world and I rx and not fight him as


    his hand cups one of mine. Bringing warmth to my limb that up until his touch felt numb and cold still. I


    want to be able to just get with reality and look at him, ask him why I¡¯m here, what¡¯s going on, but


    nothing works, and I am locked brutally inside my own weary head.


    I can¡¯t move or roll in any way, so weighted and achy and ready to fall out of orbit with every inhale. I


    can¡¯t seem to stay awake. Being dragged backwards over and over into the quiet, and I am losing the


    energy to fight to stay here.


    ¡®Cam, rx and rest. You¡¯re going to be okay. I would never let anything happen to you.¡¯ He soothes


    me huskily, a gentle fanning on my cheek of his breath as he leans close to whisper to me. The soft


    touch of alien heat as fingertips trail my temple and my face tenderly. The touch which ends all fight in


    me, almost as though he has some powerful magic, and like slipping silently from the surface of the


    water¡ªI let go, fully submerging.


    It¡¯s all I hear as I sumb to the gentle wavespping over my lifeless form and buries me in the still


    silence of nothingness.


    I wake up gasping for air, panic-stricken as my heart hammers through my chest and my body springs


    alert in mmy awareness. I sit upright with speed and a force that yanks the tube from my face


    harshly and makes me yelp as the drain in my arm tugs savagely in synchronised timing. Arm and nose


    simultaneously stinging with a sharpness that makes me feel nauseous right from the depths of my


    churning stomach. I am panting from the nightmare which ripped me out of slumber andpletely


    disorientated with my surroundings.


    I seem to be in a small room, filled with moonlight and shadows, breathing hard and sweating as the


    last fading dregs of my dream slip away, and my viewes into focus clearly, to calm me. It¡¯s still dark


    and I jump, insides somersaulting, when a tall looming figure moves from the window and turns


    towards me sharply, casting a shadow that hits me with a huge d¨¦j¨¤ vu and I recoil in terror. My skin


    goosebumps all over.


    ¡®Alexi?¡¯ It¡¯s out without thought, body draining of blood as cold fear grips my spine, trembling voice and


    tears prickle as he moves closer to me. Stupid reactions hit me before sense does and I try to make a


    dash off the bed to get away from him. mbering fitfully and awkwardly, so afraid, so traumatised by


    the memories of my dream and what he is to me.


    The monster who haunts me.


    The monster who pushed me to hold a gun to my head and end it all.


    I remember everything now. I know why I am here, and what Alexi made me do to myself in a bid to


    end my pain.


    I shot myself in the head!


    Except? ¡­ I can¡¯t have.


    I¡¯m still here. I am breathing.


    Maybe I¡¯m dead and this is my personal hell? It proves he was always the devil as he stands before me


    now, on the other side. My tormentor for an eternity.


    I feelpletely sick as nausea consumes me and churns my body inside out with a weakening lurch.


    ¡®Cami calm down ¡­ it¡¯s me ¡­ it¡¯s Mico. Stop!¡¯ The light flicks on over my head as he hits themp


    and I¡¯m dazzled by brightness, stopped in my tracks by him illuminating the room around us. Half


    hanging off my bed in a hospital gown as he clings to my arm to stop me face palming the floor.


    Desperately holding my writhing body as I stop bucking and fighting to run and realise it¡¯s not the devil


    himself after all.


    I hold still with paused breath and frozen fear as my brain catches up and connects the dots. Seeing


    him, taking in the room and face, seeing no one else here that would hurt me right now. I recoil my tight


    and stiff limbs and start to rx a little, breathing heavily to self-calm the waves of anxiety-ridden panic,


    body pulsating and mmy, as they start to slowly disperse.


    I allow him to pull me back onto the bed carefully and cautiously, he¡¯s being overly gentle but firm.


    Eyeing him up like a deer caught in the headlights and still so coiled to flee.


    My heart rate and lungs are pounding in unison as I drag in air in a bid to seem less hysterical.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry.¡¯ Ites out with a wave of tears, emotion hitting me hard. So exhausted suddenly, and


    distraught in the blink of an eye. My body sags with both relief and sheer weakness. Not fit for anything,


    let alone a fight or flight response as my heart still jackhammers in my chest. I grimace as he rights me,


    aching body and all, and my head hurts like crazy, more so than it did. A banging drum of ache going


    off like a pulse in the back of my skull.


    ¡®Don¡¯t be. You have had a rough few hours. How¡¯s the head?¡¯ He nods at my head and I automatically


    lift my hand to touch the one spot that hurts worse, right at the centre back where I am shocked to find I


    have a lump the size of an egg.


    It¡¯s aplete shock to me.


    ¡®What the hell? How did I get a ¡­¡¯ I trail off as something else dawns on me, mind rambling over newly


    found memories and it blurts out instead.


    ¡®Why am I not dead?¡¯


    I held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger with every ounce of decisiveness in me. I didn¡¯t hesitate


    and put it right to my temple. I intended to end it all.


    How does that trante to lying in a hospital with a banged head?


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    Mico pauses for a second and looks to the open door, his expression cagey for a moment, leaning in so


    as not to be heard and lowers his voice.


    ¡®Gun jammed, and the bullet stuck in the barrel. Alexi pushed you back to get the gun out of your hand


    and knocked you for six into the concrete wall. We thought he had killed you.¡¯


    His hushed tone and serious frown tell me that this is not a joke or a dream. I am not floating in the


    afterlife or hallucinating in aa.


    Everything just drains from me, the realisation of what I tried to do, how low I sunk. And yet ¡­


    ¡®Why did he try to stop me?¡¯


    It¡¯s the burning question in the forefront of my mind. Despite everything I can remember, my foolish


    heart still clings on to a flicker of something, and I inwardly scowl at my weakness. I hate myself for


    even thinking about him at this moment.


    Didn¡¯t he want me gone?


    Wasn¡¯t he the one pushing and pushing and goading me to break? Who stood there and did nothing to


    alter what I was doing? He had to know what I was nning, it was obvious.


    He doesn¡¯t deserve to dwell in my mind and thoughts. I need to put him where he belongs for all


    eternity. In hell with his sadistic ways.


    ¡®He¡¯s a son of a bitch Cami, but not apletely heartless one. Alexi wanted to end your connection;


    not watch you die. He never wanted that.¡¯ Mico looks away as he speaks, something in that face, but I


    don¡¯t know him well enough to trante it. He seems uneasy and unable to really look at me and I


    shake it away, along with the visual of that cold bastard peering at me from inside my own head.


    I blink around my surroundings instead, trying to free myself and focus on anything that is not Alexi


    Carrero. Taking note of the sterile surroundings instead.


    I guess the fact we seem to be in a regr hospital means they were told I knocked myself out and


    never mentioned the gun incident. It would exin his apprehension at being heard. It¡¯s not the private


    one I was inst time, so I am guessing I was rushed to emergency with only the mention that I had


    banged my head while stered on cocktails of booze.


    I know better than to mention the gun either. Last thing I need is being put on suicide watch and have a


    psych trailing my recovery. I had that once before, when my injuries from Rick seemed self-inflicted. I


    knew even then never to open my mouth and let the truthe out. It only muddies the waters and


    lands you in shit.

 Chapter 76

    Chapter 76


    ¡®So, what now? He just lets me get away with threatening him? I get handed to you and forgotten?¡¯ My


    voice is harsh yet low and I whisper hoarsely at him, aware that the door is open and you never know


    what night staff are still close by.


    Even I don¡¯t believe that will be the oue. Alexi is one to exact revenge and punishment for far less


    crimes. He won¡¯t forget that I pulled his own gun on him and held it to his heart. He would never allow


    me to go without some sort of reckoning for such gross behaviour. I mean the guy flipped over me


    throwing sd at him; I have no doubt pointing his gun at his heart is a far worse crime. Thates


    with a far worse punishment.


    ¡®He knows you weren¡¯t trying to kill him. You were scared, upset ¡­ drunk.¡¯ Mico turns his attention back


    to me and just looks helpless. Smoothing the edge of my bedclothes in an awkward manner and


    tapping his thumb on the over bed table at the foot. That infuriating Alexi trait and I nce away, pain


    slicing my soul in two. I hate that he still gets to me when he is not even here.


    ¡®So, what does that mean? I¡¯m forgiven? ¡­ life goes on. A pitiful little show from a desperate ything.¡¯


    I told him I loved him ¡­ and he destroyed me for it.


    ¡®No.¡¯ Mico inhales heavily, and yet I hold my breath and just eye him in question, tensing on the answer


    to what I am waking up to.


    Where do I go from here? What does Alexi do with me now?


    ¡®Alexi has told me to release you, all debt wiped. You go your way, we go ours. It¡¯s over Cami. You¡¯re


    free.¡¯ Mico sighs heavily as though somehow that¡¯s a relief for him rather than me, and I frown trying to


    take it in.


    I don¡¯t know how to react. Everything in me just falls eerily silent and I blink at him in disbelief. Numb


    inside so suddenly as my mind tries to understand the words that have juste out of his mouth.


    ¡®Just like that? Fifty grand struck off.¡¯ I sound as disbelieving as I feel. Alternate universe flying in to


    smack me in the head.


    I can¡¯t believe that something Alexi held over me to keep me in his clutches is now dismissed as


    nothing, now that he has broken me. I¡¯m dropped like an unwanted and used toy. I have lost the fun


    value, I guess. Alexi no longer wants a toy that¡¯s cracked ¡­ he has new ythings to ruin. Where is


    the fun in that?


    ¡®It¡¯s pocket change to him. Take this opportunity to start a new life somewhere far away from the name


    Carrero. Forget him, forget us and get off this path.¡¯ Mico watches me carefully, that warmth on his face


    showing through, and his voice reflects a hint of affection for me.


    He is my first real friend in life. Pity hees connected to that bastard cousin of his. Looks enough


    like him, sounds like him, and when he¡¯s in shadow and his eyes are not as green as they normally are,


    he can pull expressions just like him.


    The tears bite my eyes and that stubborn aching throb inside of me raises its ugly head. Traumatised


    for so many reasons.


    Everything I feltst night washing over me as I be more lucid and in tune with my surroundings.


    Every memory of what happened almost crystal clear as the minutes roll by and I cringe at my own


    behaviour.


    I am appalled that I genuinely tried to kill myself.


    I am so god damn stupid. I swore I would never let a man push me over the edge, and yet here I am.


    One fucking man undid all of me and sent me spiralling out of control. I am no better than my mother


    with her pathetic addiction to prick men with control issues and abuse fetishes.


    I refuse to keep being a victim in my own tragedy.


    ¡®Don¡¯t worry about that, Mico. I have no intention of evering back. Alexi is a dirty word to me and I


    scorn the day I everid eyes on him. He doesn¡¯t have to worry about me showing up anymore. I¡¯m


    done. Maybe I just needed a knock to the head to help me think straight and realise I should stay a


    million miles away from him.¡¯ I grit my teeth, stubborn shining through to push my pain aside and lock it


    all back up in that icy vessel inside of me. Back to the girl who never cared.


    My body is aching, but I¡¯m determined to pick up and find that cold part of my soul that shields me like


    a cloak.


    Cami Walters is a heartless bitch who lets no man fuck with her. Not anymore and never again!


    I have lived through worse than Carrero and I won¡¯t let him keep me down.


    Mico gets up and moves away from the bed. Silent and stone-faced, unreadable, much like his bastard


    cousin and just ponders me for a moment. Nothing on that expression to give his feelings away.


    Alexi¡¯s poker face. I have to hide the grimace that almost cringes out of me.


    ¡®Here.¡¯ He slides a thick envelope out of his inner pocket and gently throws it tond in myp, a heavy


    thud of a weighty packet and I flinch with the tenderness of my bones as it assaults me.


    ¡®Courtesy of Carrero new start.¡¯ He jests without any real humour behind the empty smile and I nce


    from him to the package in question. Nervous but I have no idea why.


    Mico has never given me reason to be so when ites to him.


    I slide it towards me cautiously and open the p with one finger to see what it is, peeking warily and


    my eyes almost pop out of my head at the pile of one-hundred-dor notes jam-packed into such a


    small vessel. It¡¯s crammed full. There has to be thousands here. Fifty at least, and I blink up at Mico in


    complete shock. Stunned by the gesture, mouth drying instantly.


    ¡®Why are you giving me this?¡¯ My voice trembles unsurely.


    ¡®He feels responsible; it¡¯s your foot up to a new life.¡¯


    Like a punch in the stomach, that one word that leaves a sour taste in my mouth pushes everything


    else aside and I let the p drop. Stunned goes to anger in less than two seconds.


    ¡®He?¡¯ I bite nastily. Every single ounce of flickering hope dies right inside of me. And I toss it back to


    Mico at the foot of the bed with a look of disgust for even letting me touch it. Feeling dirty as though


    he¡¯s infected me with a toxic chemical, I rub my hands on the bedspread to shift the feel of the paper


    from my skin. Mico watches me silently, a frown deepening on his handsome face.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want it. I don¡¯t want anything from him or any tie that he can evere back for. Give it back to


    him and tell him ¡­ I survived on my own my whole life; I don¡¯t need his handouts to start over. I can do


    it on my own.¡¯


    Mico just sighs heavily at my venomous pitch and scowling looks. My anger isn¡¯t for him.


    ¡®Take the money, it¡¯s nothing to him.¡¯ He tries for a defensive low tone, but I start shaking my head


    impulsively, even though it makes my headache worse and my mind sway.


    ¡®It¡¯s everything!¡¯ I raise my voice as anger peaks, sitting up higher in bed as that fire in my belly builds


    like a volcano waiting to erupt, and re at him furiously.


    ¡®It¡¯s control! It¡¯s the upper hand. It¡¯s him knowing after everything he did, that he still had to bail me out


    and throw me a life saver. He can fuck off. I don¡¯t need anything from him ever again. I will never


    ept another helping hand from that arsehole, prick faced, son of a bitch, wanker called Alexi.¡¯


    I finish about two levels louder and higher, as rage consumes me, and he just continues to stand there


    like the silent ck statue I know he can be. Unfazed by bat shit crazy Cami! It irks me that he has


    that same insane ability and just fuels how irritated beyond reason I am.


    She¡¯s still in there! My fighter, my self-esteem! What little of it I have; and she is rising in all her glory,


    fuelled by Alexi hatred right now. I need to hold onto that and let it feed and fuel my willpower. He may


    have knocked me down to dust, but I have the know-how to mix it back up to cement and rebuild my


    fortress. I have done this a million times before.


    ¡®That¡¯s not what this is ¡­¡¯ Mico breaks into my rambling thoughts.


    ¡®Stop it! I don¡¯t want it and this conversation is over. Please just go. If we¡¯re done then I just need to get


    better, get out and know where to collect my belongings.¡¯ I snap at him, closing down, pushing away.


    He may be my friend, my first real one, but I am doing the only thing I know how to do in life to protect


    myself. I am running away. Emotionally, mentally and when I am well¡ªphysically. I don¡¯t need other


    humans touching my life anymore. I am better when they are all gone. It has been proven time and


    again.


    ¡®Cami?¡¯ Mico soothes, trying to reason and moves towards me, pleading look enveloping that face


    and trying to soften my resolve, but I raise a palm. Remorse at being rude to him pushed down by my


    inner steel. I know what¡¯s best for me.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry. I am really thankful for all you ever did, but you and him ¡­ I just need you both gone. I don¡¯t


    need you standing guard by my bed or waiting for me to change my mind. It¡¯s over¡ªall of it. It¡¯s a


    concussion and I¡¯m not suicidal. I was drunk and stupid and caught in his spell ¡­ it¡¯s not the case


    anymore and I won¡¯t be downing booze anytime soon. Go, please Mico. I just need to let all of this go,


    and that includes you.¡¯


    Mico stops stock still, and we both regard one another, eyes focused and I try not to imprint the


    memory of his face in my mind as the one human being who was really decent towards me. I know I


    am putting myself first and this is the right thing. It only hurts for a little while and then it will all go away.


    I won¡¯t care about him soon and I will forget what he ever was. That¡¯s how this works on both sides.


    I don¡¯t have friends.


    I have to remember that.


    He just waits for what seems like an eternity as he analyses the stubborn set of my jaw and finally


    relents. He has the sense to know this is a battle he will not win. I won¡¯t back down and all of this is just


    dying the inevitable. He sighs heavily, eyes dropping as his intense digging of my features soothes


    away.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Mico picks up the money and holds it for a moment, weighing it as though he¡¯s thinking of trying again.


    Defeat crosses his face as he thinks better of it and slides it back into his jacket with a precise even


    movement.


    He pulls out a card instead and holds it out to me with a more determined half smile and locks his eyes


    back on mine with a newly returned unemotional gaze.


    ¡®Keep this. It¡¯s my direct number and I will be on the end of that cell phone should you ever need help,


    in any way, at any time ¡­ I¡¯m not my cousin Cami. I¡¯m your friend and I will still care about you even


    when you¡¯re gone.¡¯ His voice is gentle.


    It¡¯s a weird moment.


    Eyes locked silently. So many feelings coursing through me and I sniff back an unexpected tear. My


    heart aching with this strange tenderness, and doubt hits me low in the gut. Mild panic swirling that


    maybe I shouldn¡¯t be so hasty.


    If only Mico was the guy I had fallen in love with and had no other woman in the wings keeping his bed


    warm.


    Maybe I could have a chance to be happy with someone who might treat me a little better.


    I never had a friend¡ªnot a real one, and now I do I am telling him I never want to see him again.


    I am going to walk away the same way I came into the Carrero world¡ªalone and beaten.


    I lean out and take it carefully, so as not to touch his hand, and cradle it in my palm like a precious gem


    as my eyese back to his. Brimming with tears and unable to formte a response with the sudden


    lump that has lodged in my throat. I try for a smile instead and he just nods. Seemingly understanding


    of the raw emotion that must be evident on my face.


    He may not have ever been a lover, but my heart is breaking, nheless.


    ¡®Hang in there, kid ¡­ You¡¯re stronger than you think, and I don¡¯t doubt you will bounce back. It¡¯s the


    thing I admire most. I¡¯ll miss your face and that British sass and the club won¡¯t be the same without you


    ¡­ I¡¯ll make sure your belongings are brought here so you don¡¯t have us hanging over you anymore,


    bill¡¯s paid. You just have to get better.¡¯ Mico swallows, clearing his throat as though he too is suffering


    from a sudden surge of uncontroble emotions. His eyes misting, and he looks away from me to the


    open doorway.


    ¡®Goodbye, Mico,¡¯ I whisper so it¡¯s barely audible, and he nods. Clears his throat again, as though it¡¯s


    hurting him too. We both know I will never call and this is thest time he will ever see me. We are


    drawing a line in the sand and after this, I won¡¯t be a Carrero problem anymore.


    That¡¯s it.


    Our sad goodbye and he turns on his heel and leaves me alone to ponder what just happened. Heavy


    and pain ridden.


    Struggling to breathe as he disappears for thest time.


    My brain pushing it all aside and focusing on the only thing that matters now. After almost a year of


    agony.


    I¡¯m free.


    With the money in my bank ount, from working for Alexi with practically no living expenses, and


    nothing in my path to stop me. It¡¯s not a huge amount, but it¡¯s enough to scrape by if I am smart until I


    am back on my feet and find a ce to begin again.


    It¡¯s what I am good at.


    Moving, leaving, wiping the te clean and starting everything over again.


    I am Cami Walters and running is what I do best.

 Chapter 77

    Chapter 77


    ¡®Can you just not?¡¯ I snap at Lorraine, the other waitress in this hellhole, and shove her out of the way


    with my arse as she lounges in the hatch in my way for the millionth time today.


    I am already tense and irritated by my day and having her fat ugly face hanging around me is making


    me even more so.


    ¡®What¡¯s eating you, sugar?¡¯ She drollszily, that fake New York twang she tries to mimic, even though


    she is from Texas and eye rolls at me. Her frizzy, over processed nest of almost white hair over pudgy


    fake tanned and badly applied makeup is giving her an air ofte fifties, rather than the forty-two she


    told me she is. I swear she¡¯s on the verge of getting a fork in her eye today, and I am not in the mood to


    be dealing with a menopausal old hag with aziness disorder. She needs to tuck her disgusting spotty


    food baby away as it overhangs, giving her a muffin top on the trousers she has on today, and I wonder


    why I am the only one who gets stuck with the shitty pink waitress dress.


    I hate working here most days, but in thest forty minutes, I think that turned to extreme loathing.


    I have the first traces of a mega cold, banging sore head, swollen nds and if one more sleazy


    construction worker feels my arse when I am serving him lunch, I may actually scream. Flu doesn¡¯t


    make for a witty and happy, overworked slop server.


    Four months, five days, seven hours and twenty-three minutes since I walked out of that hospital with


    only three suitcases and a hat box and here I am.


    Living the fucking dream!


    That is if your dream is to be a shittily paid, overworked grease servant in a grubby back alley diner that


    stinks every day of fried food. Manhandled by sweaty mucky men and barked at by your Hitler of a


    boss as he also eye rapes you and can¡¯t seem to dig his eyeballs out of your cleavage on a daily. I


    don¡¯t think it¡¯s a mistake he supplied me with uniforms that are two sizes too small and I can barely


    move without a button popping over my bust.


    I am working to pay for a crappy one bed shithole across town in the dump dive better known as the


    lower west side, or the meat packing district. Hardly a safe environment for a young woman alone, but


    it¡¯s all I can afford if I want to stay in the city.


    I told myself it was downtime; a plod along stop gap until I got stronger and more able to climb back on


    the horse. And then I just kept telling myself I wasn¡¯t ready to get back on the street to start hustling for


    a better life. Really should have known from the moment I was arguing with myself over my reasoning,


    that I was not Okay.


    I¡¯m different somehow.


    Alexi broke me in so many ways, and the thought of going back to canoodling with dark-hearted, suited


    men in the world of drugs and sex, terrifies me. I¡¯ve lost my confidence and my ambition is shaky. My


    heart is fragile and bruised and I don¡¯t think I would have the ability to swoon and charm men in a bid to


    get the upper hand anymore. He showed me that there are men who are more terrifying and effective


    than being sexually assaulted. It¡¯s a different kind of brain fuck and the afterwards is equally


    devastating.


    I am still healing from being touched by him.


    I have enough money to live this out for a while, putting away what I can to make a real start


    somewhere else. I¡¯m just biding my time and trying to figure out where to go and what to do from here


    on in. Making ns for a different life, a safer one.


    I have no ambitions of grandeur, not anymore. I never finished school, never earned any qualifications,


    and besides my looks and my effortless skill at making men want to have sex with me, I haven¡¯t a lot


    else to work with. I know my youth and beauty won¡¯t stay with me forever, so I need a better n for a


    life that outlives it.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    That doesn¡¯t trante to very many jobs when you¡¯re trying to avoid men and avoid attention. The only


    things I have ever been good at.


    I manoeuvre around her with a re, avoid any more chit-chat with a woman I can barely stand looking


    at, let alone breathe the same air. She¡¯s a clumpy and grubby pain in my ass, always chewing on


    chicken legs andx when ites to doing her job and hygiene. She has favour with the boss though,


    as she lets him put his hand down her pants every time his wife is out at the wholesale. And then their


    weekly fuck session when she is on her day off, that isn¡¯t hard to hear. Grunting, pig snorting and


    humph sounds echoing from the back, make it obvious they aren¡¯t baking a cake together.


    Getting behind the crowded table and dodging the kid spitting peanuts all over the floor between the


    tables I get there as the nearest customer jumps up from his seat; startling me with his over-


    enthusiastic appearance. He has headphones in, listening to today¡¯s game, and I guess they just


    scored. Unfortunately, his elbow catches my tray and flips it at me at super speed, pouring two putrid


    soups, a swimming fried breakfast, two icy shakes and a water right down my already grubby pink


    uniform with a magnificent crescendo.


    I gasp, and then grimace with an ¡®Ughhh¡¯ as hot and cold assaults me simultaneously and soaks


    through in the most disgusting way. Clothes moulding to my body as it all slides down me with vile


    aplomb. My body shivers and recoils inside my sodden outfit as I cringe all over, eyeing him up with a


    furious re as he tuts at me and slides back into his seat as though I am the one who did something


    stupid.


    Dickhead!!


    ¡®Meghan!!! What the fuck?¡¯ Joe, my boss, screams at me from the frying pit he calls a kitchen, and I just


    stand there in utter disbelief. Today has been one of those crappy ¡®all bad things happen to me¡¯, kind of


    days. His voice has the same effect as nails on a chalkboard and I have to inhale very slowly before


    making a move.


    ¡®Stupid bitch.¡¯ The middle-aged customer mutters at me and I bite my tongue to stop myself cussing


    back at him with a vengeance as I start to peel tes from my tits and wiggle the crockery to fall back


    on the tray, which is still in my hands. I count to ten inwardly and keep reminding myself how much I


    need this job, ignoring Joe and his aggressive rant about my ipetence. He¡¯s banging around in the


    kitchen, hollering abuse my way and I try hard to zone him out. I am more fixated on the liquids running


    down my legs.


    I bnce what I can, then swoop down with one hand to retrieve things that are in the pool of mess on


    the floor. Internally pissed at life and hating that I now have to clean this shit up off the chequered ck


    and white tiled floor, and still serve this utter arsehole with more food that Joe will no doubt dock me for.


    He doesn¡¯t care whose fault it was.


    ¡®While you¡¯re down there, baby.¡¯ The customer juts his groin at my face as his fellow workers start to


    laugh dirtily, egging him on with macho snorts and more vulgar lewd remarks aimed my way. I keep my


    eyes on my task, bite my bottom lip to silence myself, and I give no response. Anger simmering low in


    my belly and my body stiffens with aggravation.


    I am so sick of these daily minor sexual jibes and groping, but it¡¯s a far cry from the life I knew as a


    teen. I can handle this crap, as annoying as it gets, in my daily routine. I just need to remind myself that


    this is nothingpared to the life I just got out of. No idiot man with harmless sexual innuendos could


    ever be as bad as the emotional torture from that one sadistic prick whose name I will never utter


    again.


    I just smile his way haughtily, lifting a brow, trying to curb my rage inside my fiery vessel and continue


    what I am doing while ignoring the crassments over my head.


    ¡®She has some tits on her. Hey sweetie, how about bend some more so I get a better view.¡¯


    Another male voice grunting with an amusedugh that makes my skin crawl, and once again I just


    ignore it. I get up and walk back to the kitchen, with as much confidence as I can muster, and no


    backwards nce or reaction while wearing an entire order. I stink.


    ¡®I¡¯ll get you a new tray,¡¯ I throw back verbally,cking sass, but I know better than to bite at the


    customers. I was on a warning three weeks back for pouring a full jug of lukewarm coffee in a man¡¯s


    lap after he stuck his hand up my dress and no danger am I walking on eggshells again to keep this


    measly job.


    Joe used it as an excuse to keep cornering me at every opportunity; to breath down my top and make


    suggestions about joining Lorraine in the ¡®quick fuck when the wife is gone¡¯ brigade. He has no chance


    in hell and if he could learn to keep his smarmy hands to himself then I would be entirely grateful.


    He¡¯s a huge chunk of a man, with a skinhead and facial piercings. Not my cup of tea at all and has as


    much grace and ss as the greasy mess on his diner floor. Joe is working ss, ex-construction, with


    a suitable vocabry andck of respect for women. He thinks nothing of pinning you to the counter as


    you pass and pressing his dick into your arse while breathing into your ear with so-called orders.


    I am biding my time until I figure out what I am going to do with my life, and I can guarantee it won¡¯t be


    as a waitress in any way, shape or form after this.

 Chapter 78

    Chapter 78


    I get off the subway and slowly walk the four blocks to my apartment. Tired, dirty and mentally


    exhausted from a day¡¯s gruelling shift, repetitive life, and generally just can¡¯t be bothered anymore.


    I have been feeling thisck lustre andpletely empty for weeks on end and cannot seem to shift


    the hovering grey clouds which follow me everywhere I go.


    I should quit, move on and find another job, but I¡¯m stuck. Like I am superglued to the cesspool I


    identallynded in for some respite in the sun, and now I¡¯m withering away in the heat of the day.


    I have no clue what I¡¯m going to do beyond this and no energy in me to try. I haven¡¯t been able to


    function properly in months, and every night I still dream about thatplete monster, Alexi Carrero.


    Tormenting me, making me hate him over and over. Heart breaking to icy shards every time he walks


    into my dream with those soulless grey eyes and an evil smirk on his face.


    I can¡¯t deny that his face alone gives me an iparable heart ache.


    In between the shadows and the monsters and the bad memories, he¡¯s always lurking, face shaded


    and shadowed sometimes, so I can barely see who he is ¡­ but I know. I can feel him, smell him. Close


    enough to touch. He stands in my dreams and stares at me silently, in the most foreboding way. Then


    other times he¡¯s there in my face, in clear daylight and stroking my cheek tenderly as though he might


    actually care, melting me to liquid and destroying my mind all over again. That is, before pulling out his


    gun and forcing it into my hand with a cold smile that doesn¡¯t reach his eyes.


    ¡®Do it.¡¯ It¡¯s all he ever says and then I wake in a flood of tears, unable to breathe with the freezing biting


    feel of that heavy steel still in my palm.


    It haunts me still. That I stooped so low as to try and end my own life because I was that broken. How


    far he pushed me to that cliff and only fate saved me from carrying it out. I was so caught in his power


    that I couldn¡¯t see how weak I became until it was toote.


    I shudder at the thought, a weird chill creeping over my entire body, and I try to shake it off. Sometimes


    when I am working, I can still feel it in my grasp and rub my hand across my hip to remove the horrible


    sensation from my skin. It¡¯s something I will never do again.


    I have no longing to die. I don¡¯t even know why I did what I did, and I am eternally disgusted at myself


    for letting him push me. I hate him for making me go that far.


    Despite all I dream about, he is the most terrifying of them all, even though mostly, all he does is watch


    me, stare at me, close enough to hear him breathe. It¡¯s all in the mind games and the way he could pull


    me into his control and it¡¯s thest thing I will ever let happen again.


    I will never let someone like him ever have that control again. I will run far away and always protect


    myself from here on in.


    In these months I have built up hardness in my heart and a wall of thick steel that no smooth Carrero


    charm will ever be able to prate. No one will ever get close to hurting me like that again. He will


    never get a chance. No one will. If he were to walk back into my life, I would run a million miles in the


    opposite direction.


    I was weak and stupid and I gave him too much to use against me. I let him in and I let him break me. I


    fell in love with the parts of him he designed to draw me in as I was supposed to do. He sought out my


    deepest cravings¡ªsecurity, safety, a home, a chance to be someone else, have someone to care¡ª


    and he used them to bring down all my defences. The hints of caring, the split personality character, it


    was all a ploy to grind me down, get under my skin and into my head. He is a devious yer, with a


    Masters in maniption, who needs control and destruction to thrive and I will never make that mistake


    again.


    I push open my door in the dark, damp hall, the smell of ck mould and years of disrepair hitting my


    senses with a bitter foul scent in the air that dries my throat on impact. Keeping my senses alert even


    though no one is around. It¡¯s not a good neighbourhood, Washington near 14th street, the crime central


    and downtrodden area of the city where both attacks and break-ins are frequent. I¡¯m already tense and


    on high alert, overly aware of every noise and sensation as my skin prickles in anticipation. I always


    feel this waying back here at the end of the day. It¡¯s hardly a home at the end of the day. It¡¯s a stop


    gap.


    I carry mace and a taser with me at all times again, and always on the watch for men in the shadows. I


    look around quickly, scanning the hall for followers, before I slide inside and immediately lock the


    several deadbolts I put on the door when I moved here. Not that they are much of a deterrent. They are


    barely gripping the rotten wood and one of them has fallen off twice. I have no doubts that with a little


    force they would be worthless. Sometimes I feel like it¡¯s a waiting game before my apartment is


    targeted. Ity empty for a long time before I moved in, rotting away, and I try to make it seem as


    though it still is; less chance of being the next break in, in this building.


    I pull myself up to stand when I slide thest low bolt near the foot of the door and sag against the


    chipped and peeling surface with a heavy sigh. I feel empty. Going through the motions, tired and just


    drained of life. My mood has been deste for so long now that I don¡¯t remember how to feel any other


    way. I honestly do not know what happened to Cami, this Meghan I have be is a depressive


    state of affairs, and she is a pitiful shadow of the girl I once was.


    I catch sight of myself in the mirror I have propped by my door as I pull off my sodden crusty dress and


    apron and dump them on the floor hatefully, disgusted by the smell and mess of them.


    Cami is long gone and this new me ¡®Meghan¡¯¡ªshe is a paleparison to who I was.


    I sneer at the mousy brte in the mirror, with her pale face, no makeup and chipped and broken


    nails, discarding the dress like every other city server who makes less than minimum wage.


    I look like a no one. A girl you would step over if she was sitting crying in the street.


    I look like a long-forgotten version of myself, whom I despise with my very soul. in faced, nothing


    extraordinary, just a young down-and-out trying to make ends meet. Someone who has had their very


    soul ripped out and never managed to find it again.


    I wonder if Alexi has it¡ªin a jar on his desk¡ªalong with all the other souls of broken women he has left


    in his wake.


    Only, that would imply he cared enough to treasure it, even as a trophy, which I doubt. It¡¯s probably


    rumpled and strewn in the gutter behind his club where he swept it out of his building after he was done


    with me.


    I¡¯m disgusting and pathetic.


    Lisa was weak and na?ve; she only knew how to keep running and looking for shelter. Escape was her


    only thought and nothing else. She did what she needed to do to survive, and she learned to take all


    that made her frail and broken and shove them deep inside an icy cavern to die of exposure. She


    numbed everything out.


    Cami rose from her ashes and held her own for a long time. She built a business and for a while, she


    thrived at it. She was bold and sassy, even while underneath it was all a lie. She yed the part of


    aplished hostess, and somehow along the way found a little self-worth, despite it all. She would


    never have epted this as her fate and would have kept chipping away endlessly to w herself back


    to some sort of cushy life and social standing. She was born to be in charge of her fate and her mindset


    was that of getting somewhere that she would never have to be controlled by anyone again.


    Why did I let him take it all away from me?


    He didn¡¯t save me from Tyler¡¯s men. He just prolonged my death. He strung it out and made it stretch


    over almost a year of agony before snapping me like a twig.


    Meghan, she¡¯s the ruin that is trying to limp on. She works, she eats, she sleeps ¡­ then she repeats.


    Not living, not going anywhere, just trying to breathe and lick her wounds in the hopes that one day she


    wakes up and that spark of something is still there to get her out of her self-made hellhole.


    Meghan is eternally tired and has no eye on the future.


    Alexi destroyed me and I can barely look at myself anymore.


    I walk away from my reflection and yank off the rest of my clothes clumsily, heading to the bathroom to


    run a bath and dodge the buckets I have propped around this leaky room. Pushing my foul mood and


    self-pity aside and dropping it on the floor with my discarded underwear, dishevelled.


    It¡¯s a miniscule apartment, barely enough room to swing a cat but it¡¯s safer to be in small confines;


    even shitty run-down ones.


    The pipes overhead are always dripping, but myndlord is an arsehole who requires blow jobs for


    favours, and I am so done with all that bullshit. I would rather live in squalor than do anything for a man


    in return for basic needs.


    Sex and seduction, they aren¡¯t part of my life anymore, and I am breaking habits of old at work to try


    and tone down my learned mannerisms and dialogue. I have tried to sound New York as much as I


    can, keep my sexy on the low, and avoid any sass or flirty skills to make life easier. All the things I


    spent twenty-eight years perfecting, and I am trying to throw them off like an unwanted coat in a bid to


    hide in this world.


    Cami is gone ¡­ this weird American ented nobody is nothing like her and anyone looking for


    Cam would think she was dead already. I guess in a way she is. I miss her. She was the realest me, I


    guess.


    I have kept my nose clean and my head down and don¡¯t intend to change that any time soon. Living in


    poverty is temporary while I regroup, and I am not passing out sexual tasters to anyone for anything


    anymore. I would rather sweep up pig shit all day. I just have no set n on where I will go, or what I


    will do, and I am biding my time until I can figure it out.


    I scan what¡¯s left of my expensive cosmetic products and sigh dejectedly. That heaviness sweeping


    over me once more. I have been scrimping what I can, knowing it¡¯s foolish to waste money on the stuff


    I really don¡¯t need. That¡¯s why my hair and nails were first to go, and I sold a lot of my expensive


    wardrobe, jewellery and perfumes, to pad out my savings.


    No more designer or elegant clothes, no more shoes or handbags. I pawned everything I could to travel


    light and blend into the shadows. I have nothing of value anymore. Just a shoebox filled with all my


    money, hidden under the floor with my passport, ready to go at a moment¡¯s notice.


    I haven¡¯t even unpacked my bags. I live out of them, never settling down and setting up this ce as a


    home, as I never had any intention of staying, even for this long. I¡¯m perched just waiting to go on to


    the next ce when it¡¯s time and I see an opportunity. Scraping everything I can together to build a


    fund that will take me a million miles from here or anywhere I have lived before.


    I¡¯m thinking somewhere hot and sunny and far out of the reach of any Carrero. Somewhere I can fade


    into a peaceful existence without anyone lording over me ever again.


    That is the only thing keeping me goingtely.


    I climb into the tub and soak my weary bones in the hot almost clear water, sliding down to submerge


    all of me to the very edges of my face and try to drown out the noises of downtown New York. Body


    rxing from stiff, stressed out achiness to an almost relieved sag.


    The sounds of sirens, traffic, constant noise and motion, is never-ending, especially around these


    parts. It¡¯s a high crime dump after all and only two days ago, a body was found only one block away.


    Daylight robbery gone nasty.


    I can still hear the wail of a car rm nearby and hear the screaming of the couple upstairs as they


    have another violent fight. Scraping furniture, heavy thuds and raised hysterical ranting overhead that


    echoes through the walls eerily. She gives as good as she gets and the gnawing grate of wood on


    wood over my head signals another epic battle.


    Fuck love if that¡¯s what it does to you.


    Why tie yourself to someone for a lifetime if they treat you like a punching bag?


    Why give your heart to a man who pounds it to dust like it doesn¡¯t mean a thing? Like HE did. Alexi


    never deserved mine.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    I should have run far away from him that night in the Hamptons and I know it now. I had a chance and I


    should have just kept going. Instead of being a feeble fool who let her fear rule her decisions, I should


    have had the sense to trust my gut.


    My pathetic weak heart held me back every time I had a chance to go, and I was stupid not to see it.


    I numb it all out mentally, push it away expertly and shove the heavy lump lodged in my chest back


    down to the empty gut and try to rx and let today go. Try so hard to push the tension and pain I feel


    every second I let him in my head out of my limbs and body, and concentrate on hot water and the drip,


    drip, drip of my tap.

 Chapter 79

    Chapter 79


    I slide down and do something I have done since I was old enough to bathe myself. I keep going until I


    fully submerge under the water, hold my breath, close my eyes and blot everything of the world away to


    hear only the high-pressure thrum of being underwater.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    I can ignore my knees getting cold as they stick out to amodate myid down position as the


    respite from the world is always worth it. Even in an ufortable half sized tub that scrapes my bum


    with its cracked enamel.


    I taught myself to hold my breath for up to two minutes as a child, even though I have never learned to


    swim. I used to count the seconds out and make myself do it for longer and longer. It was my escape,


    my secret underworld which cleansed my soul of all the sins put upon me while hiding me from the


    reality of my life. I used to wonder if it would be as peaceful to drown and finally be free of all that


    tormented me.


    I can manage half that time now, seeing as I no longer do it ritually or often enough anymore. Only


    when I feel highly stressed and need escapism.


    I relent after a minute and push myself up, wiping the water away as I inhale the cold musty air, and


    come back to focus on what is real. The disgusting grimy surroundings. I have to just ept this is my


    life now.


    Tomorrow is another gruelling long shift, another monotonous Thursday when we stay opente.


    Fridays are no better as I work six days a week and have no respite until Monday, my one day off. I


    work weekends, not that I have a life to have other ns that require the odd break to use in my own


    time. I am carrying on that age-old tradition of no friends, no one getting close and therefore ¡­ no need


    for weekends.


    I also feel wretched. This damn cold has been building for a few days and it¡¯s wiping me out. My eyes


    are puffy; I¡¯m constantly sniffing, feeling thirsty and have an itchy sore throat. These past months I just


    keep catching one thing after another as though I never fully recover before I am floored again. I seem


    to be sick all the time.


    I know it¡¯s because my immune system is shot, and I am hardly living in healthy surroundings; it all


    adds up to just being constantly under the weather. Just anotheryer to drag me down and make me


    feel like maybe it¡¯s time I upped and left and found somewhere better to step up to.


    This ce is a prison that I have chosen to dwell inside of and I no longer know why anymore. Why I


    am doing this to myself when I have a few grand under the floor to just start somece else.


    I sit up in panic as a coughing fit hits me suddenly and almost drown myself in the process as I slide


    about helplessly, grabbing for a towel and wiping my face free of water. It wracks through me, burning


    my lungs painfully, and I end up with a runny nose and watery eyes cursing myself that I don¡¯t even get


    to enjoy a soak in the tub anymore. Not that this tub is worthy. It¡¯s well matched to my shithole


    surroundings. Tiny, chipped and ky and has temperamental water flow when I manage to get it to


    work at all. Water that even on a good day, is always a weird shade of yellow or brown.


    I get out quickly and clumsily, feeling frustrated and just not in the frame of mind to wrestle with my own


    patience and stay in the bath. Not even spending time washing myself or my hair, but the mood is gone


    and I dry myself fast.


    This ce is too cold and dusty to walk around naked, so I throw on the pyjamas I keep hanging in


    here, only ce to use as a wardrobe seeing as the one in my room has rat shit and roaches inside it,


    crawling about and making my skin crawl. My clothes are kept in bags on the couch for more than just


    my need to leave, it¡¯s also for fear that I may get critters in them and I¡¯ve been bitten by many strange


    bugs here already.


    I really need to up my living conditions.


    I really need to sort my shit out.


    I grab a handful of toilet paper as I walk to bed, knowing I¡¯m going to need it if my nose keeps running,


    and climb into it. Not that it¡¯s much of a weing ce with a hard mattress and rough bedding that I


    got on sale in a hurry when I moved here.


    I am ready to just nk out the world and read a book. It¡¯s not like I use my couch nor have anything to


    do when I get home from work. I spend my time here on this bed just sleeping my life away, or reading.


    I don¡¯t even own a TV or anything which makes a noise and might attract people to investigate the new


    tenant¡¯s belongings. Nothing offort that would just waste my money either and I only have books


    because people leave them in the diner constantly. Joe throws them out if I don¡¯t take them home.


    This one¡¯s a western with a pretty sexy man on the cover, not my cup of tea, but better than staring


    outside my dirty windows until sunset and wishing myself to sleep.


    It¡¯s my only source of escape ¨C reading a book.


    I¡¯m not hungry either. I eat at work before I leave and that does me till breakfast most days, so that


    means hitting a gym or doing any sort of workouts isn¡¯t needed as I am not eating enough to really gain


    weight. I know I am not taking care of myself in the way I should. I know maybe I am depressed in


    some way because of the turnout of events and I should kick my own arse. I just cannot muster that fire


    for anything.


    I down the bottle of cough medicine I picked up before heading home in a bid to shift this bug, knowing


    it¡¯s dumb but I want it to knock me out for the night. It should work like a sedative, and maybe I won¡¯t


    wake tonight with nightmares and terrors if my body is drugged into nothingness.


    They havee back with a vengeance since leaving Club Carrero, and now there are more sinister


    men scaring me shitless in my dreams than ever before.


    I wake up with my book over my face haphazardly, where it¡¯s obviously fallen when I drifted off, jumping


    in rm at god knows what and blinking in the darkness of my room as I open my eyes to pitch ck.


    My heart¡¯s pounding crazily and the sweats hit me fast as Ie to, in disorientation. Groggy from the


    effects of the meds I took hours ago as I slide it off and try to get my bearings.


    I am unsure why I woke, as I was not even dreaming, and I feelpletely odd in a sort of


    disconnected almost drunk way; which I presume is cough med rted rather than sickness. Pushing it


    on to my bedside table as I feel around with shaking hands. I roll to my side to try and drift back off, but


    a little noise in the next room pricks up my attention. Like a tiny warning bell sending me into immediate


    high alert, it brings me to my senses in a breath pausing way.


    I pause, holding painfully still and listen, not moving. Heartbeat rising as I try to focus on what I thought


    I just heard and strain so very hard to listen over the sound of my shallow breathing and erratic


    pounding rhythm as fear takes a low grip of my insides.


    I hear something. Closing my eyes to cut off my attempts to focus on sights I cannot see and just listen


    very hard. So much so I can hear the blood rushing inside my head as adrenaline courses through my


    body. I know I am not imagining things; I am sensitive to things like this, ever since I came out to live


    alone again. I catch it again, so very faint, almost surreal but definitely in my apartment.


    A scrape, as though something is being shifted or moved around on my threadbare floor through the


    door, and I sit up to strain towards it as stealthily as I can muster. My bedroom door is closed, which it


    makes it hard to hear anything at all but it¡¯s unmistakable as ites a little clearer and closer. I push


    my bedclothes back and sit very still, poised in a sitting position;pletely petrified with a million


    things racing through my mind that I try to silence and just pull myself together.


    Footsteps!


    They sound as though they are trying to be light on their feet, but every time they venture nearer my


    room, the floorboards make a dull aching thud underfoot, where they are loose and I know for sure;


    There are people inside my space!


    No one knows who I am here!


    I slide out of bed as quickly and silently as I can as trembles take hold in the cold air. Holding my


    breath, nerves on an all-time high as I vibrate inside, I try to hold my shit in while simultaneously


    waking myself fully.


    Someone is in my apartment and I have no clue if this is a random robbery or something worse


    completely. The woman on the third floor was raped by an intruderst month, he took nothing of value


    and the attack seemed to be purely sexual. I am not about to go down without a fight if that is what this


    is. I am not some mere girl who will take being raped again so easily.


    I may not be a stranger to it, but it¡¯s still something I never want to experience again.


    I keep a baseball bat under my bed and I reach for it quietly, crouching down as low as I can to slide it


    out slowly without making a single sound. My entire body is internally shaking yet my hands seem still


    as I grasp it tightly; knowing full well that I am my only saviour in this.


    There¡¯s a creak outside my door and I pause, heart hammering through my chest, body turning cold


    with tingles and mmy with fear. I have been in situations like this before and I know I need to keep


    my wits about me until I get out the other side. Women are murdered every day in this city, and I am no


    one special that will ever be missed.


    I have no hero to intervene this time and for the first time, I wish Alexi was here, a pining so strong it


    almost rips my chest in two. I push him out of my head, hating that in moments of weakness I still need


    him, and grit my teeth in an effort to focus.


    I move towards it and tten my back against the wall beside the scraped wooden surface, as much as


    I can without disturbance or noise, ready to fight should theye in here, and praying they don¡¯t. I¡¯m


    ready to take someone¡¯s head off, to get through this.


    I close my eyes tight and open them fast to make them adjust to the dark faster, twice more until I can


    see shapes of furniture and outlines and can navigate a little more effectively. A trick I discovered as a


    child when I was trying to make the shadows turn into what they really were and not the monsters I


    imagined. Things begin to take shape as my night vision kicks in excruciatingly slowly and I can make


    out my room.


    I start visibly shaking with the passing time, even though it¡¯s only been seconds, terrified but poised,


    and waiting for the worst.


    There¡¯s a thud and a scrape, and I can hear mumbling as though there¡¯s more than one voice just on


    the other side of our separator, and I know it¡¯s only a matter of time. They wille in here if they are


    looking for things to steal, as there is not much out there to take. What they will find is me, and I don¡¯t


    know what that oue will entail.


    I strain to listen again but jump when my door is clicked open slowly. Whoever turns the handle does so


    with such slight and careful movement it tells me they know someone is in here and it¡¯s no deterrent.


    Shit, shit, shit!


    A huge figure in dark, looming taller and wider than me, slides inside the room quickly, looking towards


    my bed apprehensively and softly edges in with the grace of a cat. It¡¯s clear they are unable to see if


    someone is in the bed in the darkness in here.


    I see my chance.


    It¡¯s male for sure and the all ck outfit, rubber gloves and Halloween mask tell me that this is no warm


    and friendly night-time visit. This is a nned break-in.


    Aiming hard and high, putting all I have in me behind my very practised swing, I smack that fucker right


    in the face with a bone breaking crunch and knock him out cold to the world with a lucky whack. The


    reverberation as my bat collides and vibrates through the wood and then me, is followed by a satisfied


    crumpling and thudding of a human body copsing on impact. I probably broke his face severely and


    hisck of reaction is a sure sign I did a great job of disabling him and I literally exhale in relief.


    Internally my heart is pounding with a mix of fear and adrenaline, rushing of blood as I take a huge


    deep breath and gather my wits and what I need to do. There may be a second one out there who


    surely had to have heard this. I need to get to him first or by him before he sees me.


    Jumping over my silent victim on the floor in a sh, panic-stricken in my pyjamas still, I high tail it


    towards the front door, which is sitting wide open, eyes on my escape.


    I don¡¯t see iting at all, stupidly focused on safety and not my dark surroundings. The elbow to the


    face that gets me square in the middle of my nose, until my head bangs the floor viciously and it¡¯s the


    last thing I remember.

 Chapter 80

    Chapter 80


    I wake up with a throbbing face, shooting pain across my entire skull and forehead and the worst kind


    of headache from hell. I am on the cold, hard wooden floor of my apartment and for a moment I have


    no clue where I am. My body is stiff from it, and freezing from being here for a prolonged time in a very


    awkward position, like a dead animal.


    Disorientated and woozy, I turn on my side and throw up when the taste of blood hits the back of my


    throat making me gag, and I realise that my face is covered in it. Feeling out my features, I can tell that


    my nose is a mess, blood crusted around it, and it feels like it could be broken at the bridge where it¡¯s


    swelling badly and near unbearable to touch. Tracing it tenderly, so very carefully with my fingertips and


    recognising the burning ache of a bone that has to be at least cracked. My face already feels puffy and


    even though it¡¯s still so dark I can tell I ampletely alone in my surroundings. It has that eerie feeling


    of emptiness thates when you are truly alone. It¡¯s a moment that causes me internal pain and a


    huge wave of fear as I realise, I have been outpletely cold and vulnerable in a ce you wouldn¡¯t


    want to find yourself unlocked.


    My brain jumps to myst memories and I automatically push my hands to check my body and clothes


    erratically, feeling myself out and exhaling heavily as I do so. Pyjama bottoms are still on, as are my


    underwear and tank top over my sports bra. So I can thank my lucky stars I haven¡¯t been raped ¡­ this


    time. They don¡¯t tend to stop and re-dress you after the act.


    The overwhelming ache of emotion hits me harder and I push it down, along with the burn of tears,


    thanking my lucky stars I won¡¯t have to drag myself to a sexual health clinic and try and exin this


    away to be tested. It makes my head and heart throb as the realisation hits me how lucky I was this


    time; how lucky I am he didn¡¯t kill me with the force he must have hit me, or did worse to me. I am so


    lightheaded with an obvious concussion that I barely feel like this is real.


    I crawl until I get to the nearest piece of furniture and use it to lever myself to my feet, almost knocking


    it over on uneven legs, shaking and swaying all over the ce before I slump down on top of it and feel


    around for themp on the table beside me. It¡¯s not there, and as my eyes adjust to being awake, I can


    see my apartment is trashed, thempying a few feet away in the light cast by the moon from the


    sitting room window. They must have been braver with me contained and dead to the world, and went


    through this ce like enraged animals in a bid to find something of worth.


    The door in front of me is wide open and I get up and walk unsteadily to it to close it. Not sure what


    else I should be doing.


    It¡¯spletely fucked up; bolts and locks are mangled from what I suspect was a crowbar entry that I


    slept through in my drugged stupor and my supposed security has ripped clean out of the woodworm


    ridden door almost effortlessly. They knew this door wasn¡¯t a match and probably didn¡¯t make much


    noise getting it open anyway. Sheer luck it was on a night I had put myself into an induced deep sleep


    to get well.


    My door won¡¯t shut and when I switch on the overhead light my eyes immediately go to the gaping hole


    in the floor by the window as the dull illumination shows me the full horror, and I literally sink to my


    lowest. I don¡¯t care that the apartment looks worse than it did; it¡¯s not really hard to make a shithole


    look more like a shithole. It¡¯s what I can see that rips my soul out and the breath from my lifeless body


    in one fell sweep.


    The hidey-hole for all that I have scraped and saved and kept together, the loose floorboard by the


    window, they found it.


    I don¡¯t even check, even from here I know it¡¯s all gone and as I sink to the floor heavily, losing all life, I


    cradle my face in my hands and start to cry.


    Everything inside of me dying all at once as all hope and light of a way out of this ce is taken away


    on the breeze. They have just snubbed out my chance of a new anything; the theft of all that I had, my


    ns, what I could squirrel away, gone.


    It¡¯s one thing to start over when you have something behind you to enable a future, it¡¯s another thing


    entirely to start over with absolutely nothing except a pot to piss in when you¡¯repletely broke and


    all you had just got stolen by some arsehole looking to fuel his drug habit.


    I¡¯m screwed.


    I literally have nothing anymore.


    I now need my job more than anything just to bloody eat, and well, this ce looks like home sweet


    home for a very long time at this rate. Even with its roaches, damp infested rotting walls and floors, and


    a million and one broken things needing to be repaired. This is my reality.


    I let it all out in a long bout of sobs; gut aching with the effort and hating that it¡¯s brought me to this state


    of destion. Ever since that bastard broke me, all I seem to do is cry when shit gets on top of me. It¡¯s


    not who I was, and I despise that it¡¯s how he has left me. Cami would have taken this in her stride,


    picked herself up and put herself to rights. I am so tired of trying to be strong and find a path through


    the hellhole that is my life. I¡¯m beaten down and so sick of fighting tooth and nail to survive. A heavy,


    lingering sadness that¡¯s always trying to drag me down with every step I take.


    I sit and allow myself to cry it all out until I am weak and woozy and so exhausted that tears dry of their


    own ord. Not because I am able to stop them, but because my body doesn¡¯t have the energy to


    sustain them.


    I pull myself together, swallow the self-pity down with shame and struggle to get upright. Pushing back


    my hair, I try to get my mind on the task of securing my apartment and seeing what else they took;


    readying myself for the second wave of stomach punching realisation that it really is all gone.


    The police are pointless, they won¡¯t be able to do shit and all they will do is make me hang around


    while they take statements and then harass me to go to the emergency room, which I can¡¯t afford. Not


    anymore.


    I¡¯m fucking penniless.


    I turn to try and wedge my door shut, but it just keeps opening the more I push it, warped, broken


    somehow, fighting me all the way. I am too weary and dizzy for this, and I eventually jam a chair up


    against it in a bid to keep it closed while I get to the sink and clean the worst of my face up and assess


    how bad it is. It feels like I have been face palmed with a shovel.


    The horrendous image blinking back at me under dim, buzzing bathroom lighting in a cracked mirror is


    sobering.


    I look awful, my eyes are starting to circle with the tell-tale blue darkness and the bridge of my nose is


    swollen and bruised already. My skin pale and blotchy from tears and traces of being unwell and my


    eyes look red and veiny. The blood cleans away to reveal an ashen face and a swollen top lip. I¡¯m


    guessing he got me right in the centre of the face and I might be lucky with just a cracked or bashed


    nose rather than a broken one. It feels extremely tender and makes me nauseous when I touch it.


    It isn¡¯t the worst I have had to deal with, it¡¯s just going to get a lot of questions at work and piss Joe off


    that I¡¯m not his star turn on for sleazy customers looking like this. My head is pounding and I¡¯m not sure


    if it¡¯s from this or the fact I feel like death and barely capable of staying upright. The room keeps


    swimming and the turbulent motion going off inside my stomach is making me queasy. My nose is


    running with both blood and mucus so that I have to sniff, which then hurts my bloody face. I am in


    some mess.


    I go back to the door and try again to figure out a DIY way to secure it, but to no avail. The wood¡¯s


    rotten as it is and the busted parts which once held the screws and bolts are now splinters, gouges and


    splits. I have no tools and no knowledge on how to repair a broken door. I also can¡¯t pay anyone to


    come fix it either, so getting this shut and able to keep me safe from intruders just isn¡¯t happening.


    Fuck my life.


    I slump down on the floor and look around at the mess surrounding me, kicking the door with my bare


    foot and stub my toe in the process. Yelping, mad at myself while I cradle my throbbing foot and re


    around me. So much going off inside of me; the turmoil has me antsy, enraged and just overwhelmed.


    They really did do a number on the ce, checking every cupboard, drawer and bag and turning this


    room upside down. It feels vited and unsafe and somehow no longer any sort of ce I want to be


    in. My skin has goose bumped in high alert, and I am aware that it¡¯s still night and I cannot take my


    eyes off the now unsecured entranceway until morning. Not in this neighbourhood. An open door is like


    an invitation.


    They obviously thought they would find more things of worth than I actually have and had to go to the


    extra effort to find something to steal at all. Getting myself knocked out just gave them time to have a


    good look around and I guess that¡¯s how they found my space in the floor. When you walk over it, it


    tends to pop up a little at one end and make a loud creaking noise, that¡¯s how I found it.


    It¡¯s my own fault for keeping my money here instead of in the ount Alexi set up for me to be paid;


    stupidly never learning from my childhood tricks of hiding things under floors. I mean, how many times


    did my mother find my secret stashes in our old t? Little boxes where I hid what money I could stash


    for bills and food, and she would waste it on shit she could inject into her arms. She never found the


    one in my bedroom though ¡­ I left all I had behind in that rotten hole in the floor. Journals, pictures,


    memories of my life and I never went back for them.


    I should have used my cash ount, it has no ties to him other than he used to pay me there, but I


    didn¡¯t want anything to do with him anymore and I didn¡¯t want to be traced. Bank ounts and cash


    withdrawals are the worst kinds of paper trail if you have the means to look; which most people from his


    world do. I wasn¡¯t just running from Alexi, I was running from that whole world and all the ones before


    who might still have ideas of exacting punishment for my past sins. Tyler surely wouldn¡¯t turn his nose


    up at a second pop at me.


    My new job is happy to pay me cash in hand without question, so it was an ideal solution to hide my


    money in one ce where I could grab it at a moment¡¯s notice¡ªready to run, like always. I went off


    grid, hiding from everyone and this is where it got me.


    Robbed!


    In a shithole apartment in a shithole part of the city, and the only thing I have to look forward to is going


    to my shithole job to serve wankers shithole food for eight hours.


    I sigh and look at myp for the longest time, so exhausted, yet I know it¡¯s dumb to sleep while my


    apartment is essible. In this neighbourhood, any passing junkie or opportunist wille to see


    what¡¯s left for the picking and I can¡¯t be sure I wouldn¡¯t be on the list of things to take if I let my guard


    down for even a moment.


    I get up and start rummaging for anything to help me jam the door shut enough to get one of the bolts


    operational; determined to find some safety tonight, so I can recover from being knocked out. Pulling


    drawers and wading through the mess they left everywhere, tripping over crap and hurting my feet


    some more as I struggle with a pounding head and minor dizziness.


    I check my hidey hole with a heavy heart, preparing myself for what I know is inevitable and like I


    expected, the shoe box is missing its envelope of cash. It¡¯s not in the hole but pushed to the left under


    the sofa carelessly. All they have discarded over the floor is the few pictures from various parties over


    the years and my passport which was in with it. The one in my real name ¨C Lisa McAllister.


    It doesn¡¯t stop the heavy thud of regret and heartbreak hitting me all over again. I physically sag as I try


    to stay positive on what I need to do. They didn¡¯t want them obviously and I scoop them out of the box


    to put in my bag, which is overturned all over the sofa, and start pulling it all back together. There are


    clothes everywhere, some on the floor and kicked under the couch beside the box which once held my


    funds and I notice there is still something in there. I bend to retrieve what they have left behind.


    Pulling out the box from under the edge of the couch, to see what it is more clearly, I stop when I catch


    sight of a familiar ck card shining back at me in apletely unexpected way. Its high gloss coating


    catching the light and my heart and brain stop simultaneously with the familiarity of it as memory floods


    back to the night Mico handed it to me. It¡¯s a bittersweet reminder of safety and belonging, even while


    Alexi was making me insane.


    I stare at it for a long moment, pondering the decision to pick it up and pack it too, and just look for the


    longest time. It¡¯s almost as though I am afraid touching it will open the floodgates of feelings and


    memories I have tried to outrun for months, even though I know it¡¯s ridiculous.


    ck and simple with just M.G. Carrero in gold embossed lettering. Just the name alone sends spikes


    of pain shooting through my chest. Underneath that is says ¡­ Carrero Corp. That¡¯s all it says on this


    side and I pick it up slowly, stupidly careful as though it¡¯s a ticking time bomb, to flip it over revealing


    two phone numbers and a business address in Manhattan. I assume that¡¯s Alexi¡¯s offices and just that


    thought alone is enough for me. I drop it back down in the box as though it¡¯s burned me and kick it


    under the seat, determined not to use that avenue for help. Never going back to that means of security,


    knowing whates with it.


    Mico told me to keep it in case I ever needed him, and that day is not today.


    Nor will it be tomorrow, or the next.


    I discard my clothes and move off to keep searching for something to secure my door. That small bit of


    defiance that his name swirling in my brain has given me, I get some of my determination back, an


    ember of fire as anger bites. I won¡¯t be left looking elsewhere for help ever again. I have to do this on


    my own. Screw all Carrero men!


    I find a screwdriver and a hammer in the chaos under the sink and set about trying to bang my door


    back into shape haphazardly with no real clue as to what I am doing. It doesn¡¯t take long before iratePublished by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    neighbours start screaming at me because of the noise at stupid o¡¯clock and rattling floorboards over


    my head to quieten me down. I am attracting too much attention.


    A shifty-looking pair of teens take up residence along the hall and watch me messing with my door.


    Dressed in dirty tracksuits and looking gaunt and spotty, it¡¯s not hard to tell they are resident drug users


    and opportunists. I have only managed to draw them to the fact my apartment is essible and it¡¯s not


    even three a.m. yet. Daylight savings time means we are still in semi-darkness and for some reason


    that makes them more likely to attempt something.


    I know that I¡¯m drawing attention to the fact I can¡¯t get it shut so I push it closed and hold it there with


    my body, so I am blocking them out. I hope it looks like I¡¯m done, so they will push off, but a peek


    through the spy hole tells me they have wandered closer and seem to be eyeing up the door, nodding


    to one another.

 Chapter 81

    Chapter 81


    My heart sinks as that age-old knowing fear takes a grip of my throat and I know my apartment will see


    a second break in before sunrise. I am too tired for this.


    This city is full of people with no scruples, and I am an easy target, especially in this state. I don¡¯t have


    the energy to fight off two teens, even with my baseball bat and mace, not while I¡¯m sick and messed


    up and close to falling down with fatigue. I have no one around here that would intervene in any way


    and the sad fact is ¡­ I have nothing worthy of protecting except myself.


    I don¡¯t hesitate. I shove everything I own into my two holdalls, not that I have much to pack, then pull on


    some sweatpants and trainers and a hoody over my lighter pyjamas. I¡¯m not waiting around for a


    second assault in my own home, and as the ce already looks like Armageddon swept through, it¡¯s


    not going to make much difference to me. They cane see for themselves it¡¯s all gone and I won¡¯t


    be here to be the second choice. I make for the door, weighed down with two bags and a steel grit of


    getting the heck out of dodge.


    Something in me pulls me back, and despite myself, I walk back to that darn couch and yank out the


    box and lift Mico¡¯s card hurriedly. I stuff it into the open zip of the bag hanging on my shoulder before I


    exit the apartment and make my way outside onto the street.


    The teens watch me go. I walk fast, keep my head down, and avoid a couple more randoms up at this


    hour in the dank hallways as I get down the stairs to the ground floor and into the street. It¡¯s dark, cold


    and misty from iing bad weather and the air around me smells like factory smoke and dirty air that


    hurts my already fragile throat. I pull up my hood to shield me from the biting elements and as I walk


    away I nce back and up at my second-floor windows. From outside, I can already see shadows


    across the window of my apartment as they check it out, snooping for remains of the spoils. I can¡¯t


    believe the nerve of them but then again, it¡¯s hardly a shock that this shit happens to me all the time.


    I swear I am cursed.


    Good luck boys, you won¡¯t find anything of value and I won¡¯t be back until I can find someone willing to


    help me fix my door.


    I walk the streets for an hour, dragging my limbs, shivering incessantly with a banging head and heavy


    body. I have no idea where I am going, other than trying to kill time until daylight is zing in the sky


    and the building I live in wakes up and fills with more than just night crawling psychos. I¡¯ll feel safer


    going back when it¡¯s morning and I can spend more time trying to get the door shut before I need to get


    ready for work at least. It¡¯s only a couple of hours, maybe, before sunrise and I can handle street living


    until then. I mean, this was once my entire existence when I couldn¡¯t find a ce to stay, and I was t


    out broke after getting to America. I have slept under bridges and all sorts. I am no stranger to being


    homeless; I just didn¡¯t think I would still be doing it at my age. I had bigger ns than this.


    I have no doubt those boys will be snooping into everything in there for something worthwhile and I


    don¡¯t care. I have all I want with me and will carry it wherever I go, not that it¡¯s much. I sold everything


    of value and have only my basics now.


    They have musty old broken furniture and the pots and pans that were there when I moved in and not


    much else. I don¡¯t cook in the apartment at all; eating at work or buying ready to eat cold dinners. The


    cooker stinks of gas when you switch it on and sometimes cuts out after only seconds to make a


    whistling sound. I never trusted it so never use it.


    It¡¯s probably why I am always so tired and unwell; theck of decent, non-greasy hot meals and a


    varied diet. I have always been someone who needs a healthy diet to function well. It was one of the


    perks of living with Alexi¡ªhe was obsessive about health and good food. I miss his well-stocked


    refrigerator and the on-hand cook downstairs with her grilled cheese tes.


    I could murder a decent meal right now.


    I end up sitting on a bench in the park as the damp air clings to every part of me and worsens my runny


    nose; watching the trees in the wind and listening to the city noises all around me. Even at this hour, it


    never sleeps and it¡¯s a constant thrum of noise echoing over the rustling leaves.


    I sit and look around at the semi-lit area, streemps not doing much for this shadowy part and sigh


    sombrely.


    I always feel so alone and this makes me feel more so.


    It¡¯s early hours, cold and wet, inhospitable really, and I am sat with all that I own in two holdalls in a


    ce that isn¡¯t the safest, with no one caring where I am or what happens to me. I am almost twenty-


    nine years old and I am invisible in the world. It¡¯s pretty pitiful.


    Emotions take a nosedive as my cold bug takes over in the dark, cool air and I get a swimming head


    once more. Sniffing hard and coughing until my lungs burn and I can barely breathe. I shouldn¡¯t be out


    here when I¡¯m getting ill, but it¡¯s better than sitting like a target waiting for the worst back there.


    I curl up small and slide to my side in a bid to keep some of my body heat and use my bags as a


    cushion, wrapping my arms around them to find somefort. It¡¯s not thefiest of positions on a


    hard-wooden seat that¡¯s barely deep enough for my bum, let alone my full body. I jump in fright when a


    man walks out of the nearby bushes and spies me with more than an interested nce, perking my


    head back up totch onto him on high alert; watching him suspiciously.


    He looks away and whistles, all dressed in dark and concealed by shadows, so I don¡¯t get a good look


    at him.


    I don¡¯t think he¡¯s anything to worry about as his dog follows him from the same ce he appeared


    from, just an early morning walker while it¡¯s still empty and quiet, but it puts me on edge and reminds


    me how exposed I am out here. How many potential dangers there may be if I fall asleep here.


    I¡¯m tired, really exhausted, traces of concussion no doubt. I need to sleep but I have no other choice


    except to walk or wait until morning and I¡¯m more likely to be able to deal with my door once the


    apartment¡¯s empty. I sit back up in frustration, knowing only too well I will most likely pass out if I don¡¯t


    try to keep myself awake.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    I rummage in my bag for my phone to use as a light and pull out my book. I may as well focus on


    something other than my sore face, crappy body and pitiful plight, and pull the tattered western from


    inside the messy contents. As long as the rain stays off until I can go home then this is just a waiting


    game.


    I illuminate my phone and groan when I realise it only has four percent battery and my torch will nuke


    that in minutes, heaving another sigh at what is typical of my fucking life. I still yank my book out


    anyway, in case I can see it enough until it brightens up, even though it immediately starts curling with


    the dampness saturating the air. I¡¯m getting cold from my clothes slowly absorbing it and my cheeks


    are flushing with impending fever.


    My body was never good when it got damp and cold and I know by the time I head back I am probably


    going to be a lot sicker than this.


    It¡¯s almost like someone is trying to tell me something when I open the book and Mico¡¯s card drops out


    onto myp like he¡¯s making his presence known. I just stare at it stunned, silent, bringing him to the


    forefront of my mind, and suddenly torn about what to do as I really pause to think this through with a


    less stubborn head. I know I scorned the thought of help back at my apartment, but it¡¯s Mico, not Alexi.


    And now I am out here and really losing the will to live, the thought of a friendly face and five minutes of


    someone helping me out doesn¡¯t seem so bad after all. It seems pretty god damn alluring. Especially


    with the dog creeper lurking nearby and making me uneasy.


    If I call him, what will the oue be?


    Would hee and help me with my door and then just walk away again and let me carry on?


    Is that even fair to ask him to help me and then to go away again?


    I could go home and go to bed. I could get my apartment secured.


    I don¡¯t want a connection to Alexi, but I also don¡¯t want to sit here alone for the next few hours, waiting


    for daylight. I know that the longer I sit here the worse it¡¯s going to be for me in terms of my health, and


    I can¡¯t afford to take days off work. As it is, I will only eat if I am at Joe¡¯s now myplete savings are


    gone, including yesterday¡¯s meagre tips.


    I don¡¯t touch it, staring at the name on the card and my mind flits between Mico and the emzoned


    Carrero before me ¡­ Mico and Alexi. Family; theye as a pair.


    I just can¡¯t.

 Chapter 82

    Chapter 82


    I shake my head, stomach turning over as I put it back in my bag and hesitate, even though my heart is


    saying to leave it well alone. Something inside of me is fighting it and I¡¯m not letting it go as I tilt my


    head back to let out an exaggerated sigh into the eerie surroundings. My inner stubborn is grabbing at


    my soul and begging me to end my own agony and reach out to someone I know will help me.


    ¡®Just do it! ¡­ It can¡¯t be worse than this.¡¯ I say it out loud to myself, telling myself off, shaking some


    sense into me.


    I know before I pull that card out that I have already made my mind up. I¡¯m weakening, my health, my


    heart, my fight. It¡¯s all been shaky since the day I left that hospital and I have barely been holding on for


    months. I am so tired of struggling to fight every day, and the thought of someone else taking control for


    just five little minutes is like a life savour in the stormy sea. Just five minutes of not struggling to survive


    is all I need. My weary soul demands it.


    My phone is staring me in the face, reminding me that after four percent I will have no more phone until


    I go home. It¡¯s enough to make a call. It¡¯s almost like fate is telling me that it is now or never and I dial


    the number from the back of the card marked ¡®Cell¡¯ with no more hesitation, even though my heart is


    pounding through my chest. I wipe my free hand on my leg to remove the mminess and I¡¯m


    surprised to find my sweats are already severely damp. I won¡¯tst out here for hours if I get sodden


    this fast.


    As it rings, I begin to shake, mouth drying and knots inside my gut flip over and turn inside out. My


    chest gets very tight and I try to focus on the trees swaying in the gentle wind.


    It¡¯s not that I¡¯m afraid of Mico being cruel and telling me to leave him alone; I don¡¯t think he will.


    I¡¯m scared of having any connection to that fucking man, and Mico is well embroiled in the Carrero


    kingdom. Where there is one there is always the other, and they are too hard to separate.


    God, this is so dumb.


    I lose my resolve, fluttering heart giving up and I fumble, about to pull the phone away and kill the call


    as sense gets the better of me but a sound hits hard.


    ¡®Hello? Who is this?¡¯ The voice startles me; so husky, familiar, heart-warming, and he answers so


    quickly. It¡¯s as though someone up there knew I was going to lose my courage and hang up.


    I realise he won¡¯t know who this is unless I actually answer him. I ditched my phone from Alexi when I


    left the hospital, this is a throw away cheap phone, and he won¡¯t have a clue who is calling him. I am


    just so overjoyed to hear his voice, it has my throat all clogged up with emotion, and the feeling of


    severe loneliness for the first time in months abates a little.


    I swallow down the bout of nerves dredging up inside of me and clear my throat to find my voice.


    ¡®Mico, hey.¡¯ I sound pathetic, voice small and shaky and lose my couragepletely. He sounds


    exactly the same; unemotional, strong voiced with that little Carrero depth in the tone. It makes my


    heart hurt to hear it. Both because it¡¯s Mico and because it reminds me of another voice I never want to


    hear again.


    Every part of me is trembling as I close out the world and focus on that beacon of familiarity.


    ¡®Cami is that you?¡¯ He sounds surprised, his tone changes and then the phone seems to get muffled


    for a second as he either moves or switches ears. I guess he is surprised after four months to be


    hearing from me.


    ¡®Yes. I¡¯m sorry to call you so out of the blue, it¡¯s just ¡­¡¯ My voice breaks, both with tears that are hot on


    my cheeks at hearing a genuine friendly voice on the other end, and with the effort of talking as my


    sickness takes over. I¡¯m losing my voice, cracking and painful to talk and my nose is practically a


    running tap, dripping, so I have to keep wiping it on my sleeve.


    Damn this bloody New York weather.


    ¡®What is it? What¡¯s wrong? You sound upset ¡­ Are you hurt? Do you need help?¡¯ Mico sounds like


    Mico, genuinely concerned, mildly panicked and so decent it almost breaks me in two. I forgot what it


    felt like to have someone give a shit about me and I burst into tears, stupidly emotional. No one is ever


    nice to me and it sends me over myst tiny edge.


    It feels like a lifetime since I saw him and knew what safe felt like. Just knowing another person out


    there somewhere is connected to me in a genuine way is painful, in a good way. I¡¯m so tired of being by


    myself and watching my back all the time. He reminds me what it was like to have a home. Even one


    with Alexi.


    ¡®I got robbed. My apartment did, I mean. I just need help to secure it so I can go back and get myself


    together.¡¯ My voice is barely audible as it breaks again, and I try hoarsely to talk. It¡¯s obvious I am either


    sick orpletely exhausted. I¡¯m both.


    ¡®I just need you to help me get my door shut and locked, that¡¯s all. I¡¯m sorry to ask this of you but I


    didn¡¯t know who else to call.¡¯ Tears are blinding me as I struggle to get thestcklustre words out of


    me.


    ¡®Don¡¯t think that way, I told you if you needed help to call me. Now give me your address, I¡¯ming


    right now. Cami, are you sick? You don¡¯t sound so good, in fact, you sound awful.¡¯ Mico, gorgeous,


    caring, safe Mico. He sounds like a haven of hope, and I am suddenly so relieved I called him. I don¡¯t


    know why I was so afraid. He will help me, of course he will. He was always my saviour.


    ¡®It¡¯s nothing, just a flu bug. I just need to be able to lie down at home. I¡¯ll text you the address before my


    phone dies on me.¡¯ My voice fails, croaking to nothingness by the end of my sentence as sirens re


    nearby on the road past the park.


    ¡®Are you outside?¡¯ He sounds stern and bossy, a little Alexi for a moment and it sobers me right up.


    That connection is never far away and I nod silently, searching for some strength to give him.


    ¡®It was safer than where I was.¡¯ It slices to speak this time and I hold my throat as I squeak down the


    phone. I need some water, some warmth.


    ¡®Jesus Christ. Text me now, I¡¯m getting in my car. Hang up and get back to where I can meet you. I¡¯ll be


    there ASAP.¡¯ He¡¯s in amanding tone. The voice he uses to deal with his staff and it gives me


    reassurance that he will do what he can for me.


    ¡®Okay. I¡¯m a good walk from it now so I will head back,¡¯ I whisper and hang up without hesitation to


    save battery, not sure whether to feel relieved or just in despair that I had to ask for help, but d that


    it¡¯sing.


    If I wasn¡¯t sick maybe I would be stronger tonight, but I¡¯m just so tired. I have been this way for so long


    that I forget what anything else even feels like anymore. Foggy head and morose mood is my constant


    companion.


    I text him the address and then get up and pull my bags with me, dog walker is still lingering in the


    grass area, and he eyes me warily from his distance, obviously having heard my conversation.


    Something in that wandering gaze gives me shivers and I waste no time making a move to get out of


    here.


    ? N?velDrama.Org - All rights reserved.


    I get back to my apartment fifty-five minutes after calling him, weary from lugging my bags and just


    in unwell. I tried to walk fast but my legs could not handle the effort and as my battery died on my


    phone, I couldn¡¯t even alert him to the fact I was moving slowly. I have a low fever which I know will


    spike to knock me on my back soon enough and just need to get in and lie down as soon as earthly


    possible.


    I pause by the ck four-by-four in the street, parked on the edge of the pavement, and look around


    because it is so out of ce in this downtrodden area, among the crappy cars held together by duct


    tape. It¡¯s too modern and spanking new to be from this neighbourhood, so I guess Mico is already here


    and upstairs, which gives me a boost of calm. I guess he will be more than likely freaking out that I


    have passed out somewhere in a ditch ¡­ considering how crappy I sounded on the phone. Not being


    able to get in touch has probably made him a bit bad-tempered and I progress into the building wearily.


    I drag myself upstairs pulling my body by the bannisters, somehow relieved to know he¡¯s up there


    already and I am not walking into the apartment alone, settles my nerves. I hope he didn¡¯t encounter


    the two wannabe house breakers when he got here, as no doubt he would have kicked them both out


    with broken faces. Mico is much like Alexi in that you do not fuck with him and as he¡¯s built the same as


    his cousin, he has no issue enforcing his dominance. It¡¯s why I guess he is Alexi¡¯s second inmand


    and very efficient at it. He can be just as terrifying and cold.


    Ie face to face with some strange man at my outer door, unscrewing something in the hinge area,


    and stop in surprise that he already has someone here doing this, and isn¡¯t just going to help me fix it


    ourselves. I guess I should have known a Carrero would bring in a professional pronto, and it just


    makes me feel a little lighter immediately. I guess that¡¯s one trait he shares with Dick Head Devil that I


    never hated. They take control and sort things out with minimal effort or fuss. They make you feel like


    you are being taken care of, even when ying bastards to your face.


    It always confused me about Alexi. How he could care enough to protect me while fucking me up in the


    head, but then I could never tell how much real, and how much was designed to mess me up.


    ¡®Can I get past you?¡¯ I look him up and down, casually dressed but the bag of professional tools tells


    me he is either a carpenter or a locksmith. He smiles and moves out of my way, opening the door like a


    gentleman for me to enter. He has a fatherly air about him, mid-forties, kind-faced and just a repeat of


    most greying haired middle-aged dads in this city.


    I pull my bags with me, dropping them inside my door as my eyes scan the room, and spot Mico in the


    small kitchen area putting cutlery back in the drawer and clearing up. The room already looks less


    chaotic and I swear my heart melts for a moment at both the sight of my friend who fills me with an


    insane bursting bubble of warmth and the fact he is trying to put to rights some of the chaos for me.


    It just brings tears to my eyes, immediately overwhelmed with the sight of him, that I push away


    stupidly and give myself a shake. It¡¯s not the time to fall apart.


    Stop being so soft, Cami!


    ¡®Mico?¡¯


    I startle him, and he spins around, a look engulfing his face that goes from joyously happy to see me, to


    complete horror in a nanosecond. His eyes scan me in poised shock, as though he isn¡¯t sure how to


    react.


    I forgot I looked like I lost a fight with a truck, the swelling and bruising are pretty numb from the cold


    and as long as I don¡¯t touch my face, I can almost forget it¡¯s even there.


    ¡®Jesus Christ, Cami.¡¯


    Mico¡¯s response ispletely overshadowed by a harsh-toned snappy statement thates at me


    from behind, making me jump, my body bristling instantly in stupefied reaction as my reunion with a


    friend is abruptly interrupted.


    ¡®Where the hell were you?¡¯ It¡¯s a harsh usatory deep tone that makes my skin instantly tingle in


    response.


    I didn¡¯t know I could have a full physical bodily reaction to one sentence, but I do; a very negative one!


    Which boils my blood on sound alone and stiffens every single muscle in my body. I would know that


    voice any day of the week.


    Turning to see soulless grey eyes piercing mine as he stalks aggressively into the room from the same


    door I just walked through and I swear I start snarling at the man. There¡¯s an instant ignition of an


    electric voltage between us as sparks fill the musty air.


    Thest sight I ever expected to see, and thest man on Earth I ever wanted to. I don¡¯t know who the


    fuck he thinks he is and I never invited him in!


    Alexi looks enraged at my battered appearance and stalks towards me in jeans and a leather jacket


    zipped up to his throat. His eyes, in that tanned and toned face, devouring the mess of me, but it only


    serves to make him madder for some reason. I step back, making it clear he gets no closer, with an


    angry snarl pasted on and he stops awkwardly ¡­ four feet apart as we just stare at one another. So


    much tension in the air that I don¡¯t know whether tough, cry, or kick him in the head.


    I have never had a full-on violent urge to physically force something sharp into someone¡¯s eyeballs


    before now, but if I was holding anything worthy of doing the job I would have done it already. Just


    being here makes me hate him with a vengeance I didn¡¯t know I was capable of, and I am barely


    holding in the overwhelming crazy anger bubbling like a moltenva pit inside of me.


    He smells of outside, aftershave and him and although everything seems like it did way back when I


    last saw him, he seems different to me somehow. He looks exactly as he did¡ªirritatingly good looking,


    all dark hair, tall and foreboding¡ªmuscr, well-groomed and smoother than fucking smooth.


    Expensive clothes, those peeks of sinister tattoos at his neck and hands, empty almost colourless eyes


    and an expression that tells you nothing at all. It¡¯s like the past months have never happened and I


    have walked back into the room that night to find him the exact same way. Except ¡­ I don¡¯t feel like I


    did. I am not scared of him anymore.


    I guess I have no more shits to give about him, and only sheer contempt stands between us. My anger


    and defensive hatred spikes from nowhere, shocked to the core at his sudden appearance and really


    not expecting it at all. Like a wild cat backed into a corner by her most loathed predator, I turn on him


    viciously.


    ¡®What the hell has it got to do with you, and why are you even here?¡¯ I bite at him; that old fire in me


    bristling into fury and reigniting a spewing volcano in my belly I haven¡¯t been able to muster in a while.


    Pulling my hood down and coat off and chucking it across the room at the couch in a rage as my


    temperature continues to rise, in a bid to expel the sudden burst of new-found energy his arrival has


    given me.


    ¡®I have been driving around these fucking streets for the past half hour looking for you! It was only


    because I saw a small figuree in here that I parked up to check if it was you! Where the fuck were


    you?¡¯ He just snaps right back at me, that husky raspy tone of a pissed man. Lord and bloody


    commandeering fucking Carrero. He never changes.


    He ignites that fury inside of me that kindles so very effortlessly in his presence, and from down deep in


    my toes I find Cami curled up in her recoiled position. That Madame herself gets her arse off the floor


    and faces up to meet the one man she will never back down to again. Only Alexi could raise her dead


    rotting carcass inside of me.

 Chapter 83

    Chapter 83


    ¡®Did I ask for the great fucking Alexi Carrero toe on down here and start acting like the prize


    wanker you can be? NO, no I fucking did not! I asked Mico, MY FRIEND, for help! Someone who


    actually gives a crap about me, and in no part of that conversation did I say ¡­ bring that prick of a


    cousin of yours as I miss being treated like shit!¡¯ I throw sarcastically, standing taller and lifting that


    defiant chin while I am the one who steps forward to him ungracefully. I am in the full throes of Diva


    mode as she finds her feet and blows the cobwebs off.


    The distance between us shortens and two very pissed and buzzing people get their rage on, face-to-


    face while the atmosphere turns to static around us and sizzles with the effect.


    Alexi seems to grow about five feet instantly, but I care not. This bastard will never make me cower at


    his feet again. I have learned one thing in his absence¡ªI am the one who gave him the power to


    wound me and I won¡¯t ever do that again.


    ¡®Well it looks like you found yourself a man who treats you so much better, Princess.¡¯ He smirks cruelly


    and reaches out to touch my swollen face smugly and gets himself a massive hand p over his wrist


    for the effort. My knee-jerk reaction to the disgust of himying a hand on me that echoes with the


    noise of the thwack as my skin hits his.


    ¡®DON¡¯T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!¡¯ I explode at him, shoving him back bodily in the chest with t


    palms, using all my might as rage consumes me erratically. He stumbles and that cocky halfugh, half


    disbelieving look he gives me, sets off my psycho side. She has been hiding for months but I guess she


    does need a good airing.


    I turn on him to face down that demon of a wanker I do not want in my apartment and do what Cami


    does best. I pick up the nearest object to me and lob it at his head! Even though we are not very far


    apart and a p would have better aim. I know it¡¯s a bit schizoid, but after all, that¡¯s how he makes me.


    ¡®Jesus Christ!¡¯ Alexi barks and ducks as a stray shoe from the table whizzes over the top of him, and he


    dodges out of my way like a panther with amazing reflexes. He wasn¡¯t expecting that and the shocked


    expression fuels my desire to do it again; a slight kick of enjoyment at unleashing some sort of payback


    on the utter arsehole.


    ¡®Cami, for God¡¯s sake!¡¯ Mico yelps from across the room but I just nk him out. I have a lot of


    fucking angry words yet toe out and I will happily let them be apanied by missiles aimed at


    Alexi. I turn and head for my bags by the door, now he has scooted sideways away from it and lift one


    to throw at him impulsively. It¡¯s heavy enough to hurt but light enough to throw: perfect weapon.


    ¡®You¡¯re fucking crazy!¡¯ Alexi snaps again, dodging my weightier attempt and it only fuels to make me so


    much more volcanic. Annoyed he would have the nerve to call ME crazy!!!


    I grab an armful of random shit from the floor¡ªshoes, a book, a couple of ornamental trinkets and one


    by one I start throwing them in his direction, on a hateful roll without a breather so he has no gap to


    come at me.


    It feels amazing to be honest, even if I AM acting like a crazy person. Alexi deserves so much worse


    than things being thrown at him.


    Although Mico is near him, and both split and scarper in opposite directions as I let loose and give a


    good go at being a baseball pitcher. Alexi is the aim, but he¡¯s too bloody fast and my near misses are


    fuelling my annoyance and frustrations all the more.


    ¡®Cami!¡¯ Mico tries to get close but I aim a shoe at him and he runs for cover too. He has no idea how


    mad I am at him for defiling my space with this demon, and he better get out of my way or be a


    victim of my throwing ability.


    The man on the outside of the door walks in, turns and walks straight back out when he sees me


    launching things. I guess he wanted to know what was going on and shuts the door behind me to shield


    himself. No wish to be part of the crazy woman¡¯s breakdown.


    Sensible man!


    ¡®You are aplete fucking bastard who deserves everything I can throw at him!! You have no idea


    how much I want to ram something down your throat right now!¡¯ I yell at Alexi as he moves speedily


    towards me to catch what I am throwing, but I just run in the opposite direction and throw things over


    my shoulder at him to keep him at bay. Alexi may be faster than me but his self-preservation is honed


    in on dodging items rather than catching me. I get to the couch and slide behind it, so he cannot


    physically get to me, and find another treasure trove of throwable prizes.


    Hairbrushes, hairdryer, more shoes, bags, pots, anything that was thrown around and Iunch one


    after the other right at that prick¡¯s smug head. I am on a roll and I have enough fight in me from months


    of pining in pain to fuel me all god damn night! He keep¡¯s pping and whacking them away,


    annoyingly.


    It¡¯s very therapeutic as I expel so much hurt and heartbreak at the hands of this man. He has no idea


    as to the depth of sadness I have dealt with for the past months, or how much shit goes on inside of me


    while battling squalor to survive every day.


    Mico is keeping out of the way now and trying to shout over the noise at me to calm down, but it¡¯s


    falling on deaf ears while I have Satan in my sights.


    ¡®Will you stop? I came here to talk, not be maimed, for fuck¡¯s sake!¡¯ Alexi is still yelling at me and still


    making me worse. He brings it on himself just by breathing in my direction.


    ¡®I won¡¯t stop till I knock your fucking head off, you wanker. I hope I break your nose or your teeth. I hope


    I take out an eye!¡¯ It¡¯s juvenile, but damn it feels like being alive again and despite my feverish head


    and rather crazed erratic mood, I am actually fighting for once. Cami is still in me. She isn¡¯t dead!


    She has just been hibernating.


    Mico walks at me from his side, palms raised as he tries to get past me to his cousin as a shield and I


    pause when I realise he is aiming for Alexi not me.


    ¡®STOP. STOP!¡¯ He soothes in a very loud tone and pushes Alexi back by the shoulder, so hees


    between us slightly, widening the gap from the couch and brings a tiny halt to our war. I continue


    ring at my arch nemesis over his shoulder and Alexi returns the favour. Both of us fuelled on mutual


    dislike and giving as good as we get in terms of filthy looks. Alexi¡¯s eyes are so dark they actually look


    coloured for once, and his jaw is stiff as he grits his teeth and gives me his best death stare. It does


    nothing anymore. The power he once held over me is gone.


    ¡®You two are a fucking nightmare!¡¯ Mico sighs heavily as I take a breather from swing arm and lower the


    trainer I am holding. My shoulder aches from the exertion and I take the moment to catch my breath,


    unaware I was heaving until now. Lungs ready to explode and body screaming at me that I am in no fit


    state for this kind of behaviour. Physically, I feel like I have run a marathon, and I am perspiring


    profusely under my clothes. I guess being sick has its downfall when I need energy to leave at least


    one scar on that pretty face. A bloody nose would be nice.


    ¡®Make him leave!¡¯ I bark back and get an annoyed frown from Mico this time, which makes me pipe


    down. I don¡¯t want to be pissing off my hero, even if he has questionable loyalty! I mean why else


    would that tosser be here, if Mico hadn¡¯t told him?


    I¡¯m losing the buzz anyway, the fun is fading away, and tiredness ising back. I guess it was a


    temporary high from the shock of seeing the idiot again and it is expelled already. I¡¯m still fuming


    internally, although shock and something else is sweeping through my body, and I just feel raw and


    vulnerable now¡ªemotions threatening to the surface. I¡¯ve been on one hell of a rollercoaster these


    past twelve hours and I wonder if part of me is in a state of delirium ¡­ I do feel odd.


    ¡®He came to talk. You are going to put that down ande over here and listen! Stop being a fucking


    Diva, Cami!¡¯ Mico snaps at me, his dad tone is full-on aggression, and he lowers his brows in a


    simr way to his cousin which only riles my temper once more. I am still equally annoyed at Mico.


    ¡®I am noting out until that bastard goes way over there!¡¯ I sulk and point to the far corner of the


    room with the toe of the shoe I am holding and nod at Alexi smugly, getting another icy look as he sighs


    and shakes his head before turning on his heel. He obviously realises I am not going toply until he


    does and for once is being smart about it.


    Surprisingly!


    ¡®Overdramatic much! Psychotic females,¡¯ he murmurs under his breath, but I hear him, and that snap of


    fire he brings out in me triggers the toss. The trainer flies through the air quite poetically and catches


    him unawares right in the centre back of his skull with a dull thud that is a short-lived victory and seems


    to bring the entire room to a deathly silence. That tiny little trigger of regret swirls from inside of me as I


    remember a cushion throw way back in his apartment and Alexi¡¯s vtile reaction even then.


    He spins like a psycho, my breath catching in response, eyes venomous and moves so fast in a lurch


    towards me that Mico grabs him frontally and tries to rein him in. It¡¯s a fast-reflexed manoeuvre, and


    he¡¯s barely controlling his viciously enraged prisoner as he attempts to jump my couch and throttle me.


    Alexi is seething and I think I just flipped his kill switch. My body literally turns cold.


    All the blood drains from my veins and I realise I just went a step too far as Mico endeavours to hold


    onto him as he tries to fight towards me. I start arming myself with heavy objects in readiness for battle,


    and know that if Mico cannot control him then I better be ready to protect myself. Heart pounding and


    my eyes never leaving his face I gather an arsenal to my chest.


    ¡®I¡¯m going to fucking kill her!!!¡¯ Alexi yells at him and me, eyes boring into mine with the stormiest chaos


    within their depths; a guy who has snapped.


    I re back, unwilling to show him any fear or back down, even though I am quaking right down to my


    toes and know this was a stupid move.


    He doesn¡¯t own me anymore, and he has no right to be here, but it doesn¡¯t mean he won¡¯t try to punish


    me.


    ¡®Just fucking try! I will stab you in the god damn throat, you psycho!¡¯ I screech back, wielding a hair


    tong that¡¯s about as pointy as the shoe and probably incapable of prating skin, but I wave it


    manically anyway as though I intend to use it.


    Mico loses his grip on the fighting beast, and before I get a chance to re-arm myself with something


    more suited for impalement, I drop my finds impulsively in fright. Alexies thundering towards me,


    jumps the couch to get at me and I hightail it with my heart in my mouth at full speed away from him.


    Squealing in absolute terror, heart racing like I am high on drugs because I know whates with an


    Alexi eruption of anger, and the bastard is fucking fuming. I¡¯m not dumb enough to not expect


    something awful in retaliation.


    He catches the back of my t-shirt, yanking it firmly so I almost fall backwards with the sudden stop, to


    get a hold of me once he clears the furniture and is now in the space I upied. I turn and bend to


    manoeuvre out of it just as fast, and he pulls it right off my head leaving me in a sports bra, not giving


    two shits if escape is the result. He doesn¡¯t relent, throws it aside angrily and keepsing behind me


    with intent. Chasing around my fucking room as Mico attempts another capture of one scary as shit


    Carrero and fails. So now there are three of us running around the room in a ridiculous game of catch


    the mouse.


    I throw objects at him that I grab on passing and almost fall as I climb over the couch after a full circle


    of the room, and I manage to grab a long-handled spoon on the table on the way past. Alexi just jumps


    after me, clearing it easily like some superman athlete who cannot be taken down from his pursuit. He


    skims it at speed, so I turn on him and start waving and swinging it at his face to battle him off¡ªthe


    deranged motions of someone trying to wield a wooden spoon as a sword and meeting a very fiery


    dragon with ws made of steel.


    Alexi dodges my vicious assaults and grabs both my hand and the spoon in a crushing grip, hot skin


    burning mine with a sizzling connection; in the blink of an eye he yanks the blooming thing out of my


    hand ferociously. It makes me yelp with the force he uses and continues to grip me cruelly, all of my


    bravado melting away like ice on a hot pavement. I remember how terrifying he can be and I pour into


    my own shoes as terror takes hold.


    Mico loses his absolute shit, halting whatever heinous act King Carrero had in his head for when he


    caught me and yanks me away from him brutally, so I am left bncing precariously for a moment as I


    right myself. Putting himself between us angrily as he intervenes what could havee to an awful


    head.


    ¡®That¡¯s it!!! I will let you both fucking kill each other and just god damn leave if you don¡¯t cut this shit out.


    I am too old for this crap! GROW THE FUCK UP! BOTH OF YOU!¡¯ He lets Alexi loose and shoves him


    back hard, a visible telling off that cools his jets instantly. Weirdly, returning a sense of human to that


    evil scowl and I drop my bunched and ready fists to waist level in semi-shame, unwilling to relent just


    yet.


    I am trying to figure out if he really would leave me alone with this knob head, and if he did, I wonder if


    Alexi would finish what I failed to do back in his apartment that night. He¡¯s definitely angry enough, and


    we both know he has the skill to end my life without much effort. I wouldn¡¯t put it past him!


    ¡®She needs to stop acting like a deranged mental case and calm the fuck down! I came here to help!¡¯


    Alexi goes for thest word but Mico spins his head towards him and I can only guess it¡¯s a murderous


    look as Alexi bites down into sulky mode and res away from him, to me, and then walks off towards


    the back of the room in a strop.


    Boy takes a telling off, it seems!


    His whole body is tense and poised. Like a caged animal waiting for its dinner, or a child who is moody


    and just had a scalding. I wonder if he is trying to reel in his own bad temper and impulsive need to


    snap my neck, by walking away to breathe. I cannot decide on which and stupidly it gives me the urge


    tough maniacally at him, which earns a re from Mico at me too.


    I really think I am losing the plot.


    Mico brings my attention to him with another sigh and a head shake and I finally drop my hands in


    defeat, also scalded and trying to simmer down. Body vibrating with exercise I didn¡¯t need and lungs


    trying not to self-implode as I calm. I can feel those judgey eyes on my face and he quietens his tone.


    ¡®Who did this to you?¡¯ Mico¡¯s face softens hugely; his tone warm once more as a fingeres up and


    moves a stray hair from the mess of what I am being brought back to ¡­ my face. I presume my eyes


    are already ck and blue as he studies me.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Alexi turns against the wall in the background, catching my eye as I can feel him boring into me, and


    leans against it stiffly. Watching me like a wolf, fully tuned into my answer and I just shrug it off


    nonchntly.


    ¡®It¡¯s nothing. Part and parcel of my current existence. I am more concerned about that.¡¯ I point at the


    door that is vibrating as the man on the other side drills something and Mico nces around too.


    ¡®This ce isn¡¯t the best.¡¯


    Like I don¡¯t know that!


    I raise a brow in sarcastic silent response at him. He just shrugs back with a smile.


    ¡®I told him to secure all the windows and even put a lock on your bedroom door as a secondary secure


    room,¡¯ Alexi butts in, eyes eating at me still, pitch smoother and less violent but I just nk him. I don¡¯t


    want him to be my saviour, even if he has calmed down immensely and is brooding in the corner.


    I never asked him toe here, and he is still not wee, no matter how quick of a turnaround in


    demeanour he has just had.


    Ie out of my self-inflicted temper and walk back to sit on the couch in tired defeat. Micoes and


    sits at one side of me and ces his hands on his knees as he evaluates me a little more


    closely.

 Chapter 84

    Chapter 84


    ¡®You don¡¯t look well and this ce is hardly the Hilton.¡¯ He nudges my shoulder with his and I smile


    softly, fully aware of how things are. Amazed by how quickly my insides are returning to normal and the


    effects of one smouldering Carrero in the corner are wearing off now I am over the worst of the shock.


    I¡¯m still not repentant over throwing things at him; I¡¯m just sorry I only hit him once. I¡¯m still smarting, but


    it¡¯s hard to stay enraged and high octane when your body is giving up on you.


    I think I am in dazed shock at his presence though, it doesn¡¯t really feel like he is here. This is a weird


    dream after months of sleeping.


    ¡®You don¡¯t have to tell me that,¡¯ I respond quietly, fully aware that this is barely better than sleeping


    under a bridge right now and freeze when I catch Alexi¡¯s feet moving towards me across the floor. I


    won¡¯t show him that his proximity gets to me, so even when he walks over and sits on the arm of the


    chair at the other side of me, a few feet away, I try to ignore himpletely.


    Easier said than done when your body decides to go into over the top high alert the second he¡¯s within


    five feet. I nk him out as though he isn¡¯t there.


    Alexi has fallen silent and seems to be staring at me as though something intensely alluring is on the


    side of my face. It¡¯s distracting but I continue to look at the door in front of us as the man working on it


    opens it slightly and starts messing with the edge, Mico looks up too.


    Alexi, I¡¯m assuming, is trying to dig through my skull and extract information on who would dare bruise


    something he clearly still considers his possession and has no interest in anything much else right now


    except my head. Maybe he is just fantasising about tying me up and punishing me to his heart¡¯s


    content. He¡¯ll never fucking change.


    His intense gaze on me is ufortable and I really cannot decipher the weird sombre vibe I am


    getting from him when he¡¯s this close. Or his odd silence now we are no longer physically fighting.


    Four months of him eating my brain every night and in one tiny little twenty-minute meeting with him


    again I remember every reason I left the hospital and never looked back.


    He¡¯s an arsehole.


    I sigh as the tension hits peak level and turn to Mico inplete bewilderment.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want him here. I don¡¯t need him here, so why is he here?¡¯ I say it softly,pletely exhausted


    and I don¡¯t care that he is right beside me. I don¡¯t want to talk to him or look, or smell, or feel him close


    to me anymore. I can barely breathe with him in my room. Alexi is thest person in the world I ever


    want to be around again.


    This isn¡¯t what I need.


    ¡®He¡¯s only here as long as I am. The door is almost done, and then he won¡¯t be much longer on other


    things. Look, Cami, I think you should let me put you in a hotel for tonight and I cane see you


    again in the morning; alone, to talk properly.¡¯ He gives Alexi a look over my head, sort of serious and


    yet apologetic now my back is on him, and I shake my head in irritation at this show ofmand when


    really there is no hierarchy in this situation. This is between Mico and me!


    It¡¯s got fuck all to do with Alexi so he can stop seeking permission from him and let me deal with my


    own shit.


    ¡®I don¡¯t need a hotel. Look, I¡¯m sorry if I seem ungrateful when you came down here to help me. I¡¯m just


    ¡­ I just don¡¯t want to do this. Not with him. I¡¯m sorry but that ship sailed and we have nothing to say to


    one another.¡¯


    ¡®He came here to talk, make sure you were okay. Things have changed in your absence ¡­ if you just


    ¡­¡¯ Mico looks perplexed, but I don¡¯t want to hear it.


    ¡®Don¡¯t Mico. I¡¯m too tired for this.¡¯ Mentally and emotionally.


    ¡®What if he has something more to offer than this?¡¯ He gestures around the room but I burst out


    laughing and stand up, no longer able to deal with the way my body is goose bumping all over with his


    proximity, or how hemmed in he has me feeling. I feel ustrophobic, restless and antsy. Alexi has me


    all out of whack and I need him to just leave.


    ¡®Not unless it¡¯s his head on a tter.¡¯ I avoid looking his way, but I am more than aware his eyes are


    following me.


    ¡®It¡¯s negotiable.¡¯ Alexi interjects with a level tone that tells me nothing of his seriousness, and this time I


    spin on his face angrily. Annoyed he is trying to make light of things in this way, and just eternally


    irritated by everything he does, in general. He knows how to stoke my embers back to fire anyway.


    ¡®Are you trying to be funny?¡¯ I snap, good old temper rising once more, and throw a pointed snarl his


    way. Sensitive to everything thates out of that man¡¯s mouth.


    ¡®God forbid I would do that, right?¡¯ He snarls right back at me, his own temper going off again when


    pushed by mine and now I see why this was such a dumb idea. Neither of us is capable of being in one


    room without wanting to rip each other¡¯s faces off. Mico should never have brought him and I don¡¯t care


    what offer he might have. This is proof we will never work out in any way.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t know you had a sense of humour or knew what a joke was? I am just amazed you even


    attempted something you clearly have no aptitude for.¡¯ It¡¯s sarcastic, cold and venomous. Back to


    juvenile and Mico slumps and buries his face in his hands with a long low groan.


    ¡®Would you two give it a rest? I have a major headacheing on.¡¯ He sounds defeated, giving up on


    us and Alexi gets up to tower over me once more. Imposing and intimidating, but I am not about to


    back down for him ever again. I bristle as he takes up a position right in front of me, clearly ready to go


    at me again. I stand taller and lift that bloody chin of mine!


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry; I learned my wit from you. Queen of sarcasm, and couldn¡¯t help lowering myself to your


    level.¡¯ He snarls right at me, turning slightly, so we are face-to-face once more and I have to grit my


    teeth instead of knee him in the balls like my brain is telling me to do. I have to simmer the salty


    bubbling inside of my stomach and keep the absolute fury off my face.


    He just knows how to get right inside my head and twist, twist, twist.


    Wanker!


    ¡®You will never be on my level, Baby, but one thing is for sure ¡­ it¡¯s not beneath you at all. I am so out


    of your league you¡¯re practically non-existent from my viewpoint.¡¯ I toss back my hair and give him my


    best Cami sass move, raising brows and smirking evilly.


    ¡®Yeah, this is such a ssy look ¡­ Baby! I¡¯m so gutted that I don¡¯t meet your standards.¡¯ He picks up a


    strand of mynk, mousy brown hair and tugs it, that smarmy look that makes me want to punch him in


    the throat and reminds me how crappy I actually look. I may feel like Cami at this moment, but I don¡¯t


    resemble her at all, and he just bruises my ego by pointing it out.


    ¡®My ss is more than skin deep. Unlike you that is. You have about as much depth as a puddle.¡¯ I


    raise a sarky brow, biting on my own tongue to hide my venom and try to sound unaffected by him.


    I swear Mico gives up on life. He sighs, groans and gets up and walks to my kitchen and starts looking


    for a kettle, or something to do while we have ourselves an immature squabble over here. I think he¡¯s


    resigned himself to the fact this is the inevitable oue, and he should just stay out of it.


    ¡®Mature ¡­ as always, London.¡¯ Alexi raises his brow right back and I cave immediately. Both with the


    snide remark and the use of that not cute, ever fucking irritating pet name he likes to use on me when


    he is being a prick. Temper that has been brimming inside all this time just explodes with that little


    superior fucking put down, and all my hatred and loathing is right back in his face.


    ¡®Why don¡¯t you do us all a favour and go fuck yourself??¡¯ I scream at him, losing my cool and letting


    loose.


    ¡®Why? When I can just fuck with you! It¡¯s way more fun and not that hard,¡¯ he spits back, an evil


    glimmer of that sadistic controlling prick who uses punishment as a method to intimidate, and I snap.


    ¡®Go and choke, youplete fucking wanker!¡¯ I squawk like a crazy.


    ¡®I like the idea of choking ¡­ pretty sure you would make a good test subject.¡¯ He just sounds sinister as


    fuck and I quake deep inside, no longer in control of my reactions, but it doesn¡¯t deter me at all.


    ¡®Try it and I will cut your fucking balls off with something blunt!¡¯ I¡¯m seething with rage, making threats


    and taking no heed of the voice of reason in my brain trying to calm me down.


    ¡®Not this again.¡¯ Mico interjects, pushing between us as tempers reach sky-high and my urge to start


    chucking shit at Alexi¡¯s head starts all over again. He pushes us apart forcefully and gives Alexi an


    extra shoulder punch as though somehow, he is more at fault than me, and Alexi just continues to re


    past him right at my eyes. I won¡¯t back down either.


    ¡®I¡¯m done ¡­ get the fuck out of my apartment, youplete tosser.¡¯ I yell in rage at him and throw my


    hands in the air, done with all of this and eager to finally put my head down somewhere soft and forget


    he ever existed once again. I am fast unravelling and the longer I stand here, the more exhausted I


    feel.


    ¡®If that¡¯s what you call this dump!¡¯ Alexi snorts right back at me, tone full of sarcasm and arrogant prick


    face self-importance.


    ¡®Well, you won¡¯t mind fucking leaving it then, WILL YOU?!?!¡¯


    I don¡¯t look back but storm off to my bedroom, so overly frustrated with his bullshit, and shut the door


    on both of them with a massive m that makes the thin walls vibrate and a poorly hung picture falls off


    inside my room with a bump. Luckily it has no ss and I turn and pace around angrily, seething with


    the nerve of the god damn arsehole.


    Not able to contain the way my body is shaking, both with adrenaline, anger and fever and all the mess


    going off inside of me as everything collides into one finally.


    My body was holding being sick at bay while fuelled on whatever that was out there, but it¡¯s well and


    truly worn off and I just feel wretched; waves of heat and cold, overwhelming nausea and runny nose. I


    am slowly falling apart.


    Content provided by N?velDrama.Org.


    I sit down on the end of my bed when weakness hits me low in the gut, and it¡¯s only then I realise it¡¯s


    less chaotic in here and my clothes are hanging on hangers on the bathroom door. Mico must have


    been busy while waiting for me. I never pegged him as someone capable of domestic and I don¡¯t get


    why he would bother. Guess he was passing time as it took me ages to get over here; while Alexi was


    out looking for me. I push that thought away fast.


    Right now, I don¡¯t know how to feel.


    Numb, shocked and tired, like my brain can¡¯t cope with anymore tonight after the shit day I had, among


    other things. I feel like my brain is going to explode.


    I really do not know if what I just walked into was an actual dream, or maybe a nightmare, and the


    surreal aura going off around me could be that I am really caught in a drug-induced terror and really


    none of it has happened at all.


    Alexi is doing what he always does¡ªfucking my head up brutally and it¡¯s testimony as to why he


    should stay away from me ¡­ Forever.


    There¡¯s a gentle knock on my door and I stiffen, unsure which of them it will be, then logically realise


    Alexi the prick would just walk in because he thinks he¡¯s king of the world and owns everywhere his


    bloody feet go. He wouldn¡¯t bother knocking; especially not in something I call my own. He thinks he


    owns me and all that goes with it.


    ¡®What is it?¡¯ I call back gently, rasping because yelling only made my throat worse, and I am on the


    verge of stupid tears over a stupid man.


    ¡®I need to go get something, but I¡¯ll be back and ¡­ Alexi wants to talk to you Cami, please, for me,


    hear him out.¡¯ It¡¯s Mico, sounding quietly gentle and stable and I feel guilty for sitting in here sulking at


    him. However, I also want tough at the most ridiculous thing Mico could have said to me.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want to talk to him. There is nothing in the world he could say that I would ever want to hear.¡¯ I


    sound childish, petnt and it¡¯s not Mico¡¯s fault. He¡¯s just stuck between me and his lord and master


    and trying to not be the bad guy. I don¡¯t know why he is so suddenly pro Lexi and Cam but I don¡¯t care.


    I just want them to both go away now. Thest dealings I had with King Carrero was him trying to evict


    me from his life, so why would he even try to have a conversation with me now?


    ¡®You might want to hear this given your current situation.¡¯ Mico says louder and I just stare at the door


    in suspicion.


    ¡®I doubt it ¡­ I¡¯d rather eat shit and die than listen to anything Alexi might say to me.¡¯ I know I am being


    childish. That man out there stole every ounce of my sanity and left me in a hospital to rot. He never


    checked if I was okay in the three days I was there. He never showed up, never enquired about me or


    anything. I was just disconnected and left to go out into the world alone. He never once stopped to


    wonder about the girl he slept with more than once and then pushed to an attempted suicide at his


    hands. He made me feel worthless.


    In the four months I have been gone it¡¯s like he never even existed, no word, no sign, no slight hint, and


    now suddenly, he wants me toe out because he has something to say. He¡¯s a bully and a control


    freak and there¡¯s nothing I want from him.


    Hell, to the NO!


    ¡®Cami, please. Just listen to him, this is as much for you and me as it is for him. After he¡¯s done


    talking he¡¯s going to leave ¡­ he promised me. I¡¯ll be back soon; the carpenter needs something to


    secure your windows.¡¯


    ¡®Mico, wait! Don¡¯t leave me with him.¡¯ It¡¯s out like a frightened pathetic kid who thinks the bogey man is


    out there to get her and her only protector is legging it.


    Who will stop him acting like a total loony if I piss him off again and he gets a proper hold of me?

 Chapter 85

    Chapter 85


    Mico sighs heavily.


    ¡®He¡¯s not going to do anything to you, I swear. Trust me. I wouldn¡¯t have brought him if I thought he was


    going to hurt you in any way, and he knows that if he scares you, I will break his face.¡¯ There is


    something in Mico¡¯s tone that says he isn¡¯t lying to me and I silence my insta-response of no and sit for


    a moment trying to calm myself down.


    ¡®Why can¡¯t he just leave me alone?¡¯ I sulk weakly, sounding fragile and quiet. Sighing and hating how


    tired all of this is making me. The hours ticking away and I still have to try and sleep before I need to


    get up for work. At this rate that¡¯s not going to happen and I cannot even face the thought of a ten-hour


    shift on little sleep and a raging fever.


    ¡®Because he spent four months trying to find you and he wasn¡¯t about to let this opportunity slip by.¡¯


    That shuts me up and I blink up at the door, disbelieving what I heard, and not sure if it¡¯s a ploy to make


    me more open to talking. He didn¡¯t act like someone who was pleased to have found me. He acted very


    much like the same sadistic arse he has always been. Annoyed one of his toysshed back.I doubt it¡¯s


    true ¡­ unless he has another reason or changed his mind about my debt.He can¡¯t. He wiped it clean,


    he cannot backtrack now.


    We have nothing to talk about.


    ¡®I¡¯m going.¡¯ Mico taps the door as a way of signalling goodbye and I panic, jumping up to chase him


    impulsively and not stay here alone with Alexi. Yanking the door open and high tailing it after him,


    breathless once more with tight insides as sheer fear overtakes me. Except Ie smack bang into


    Alexi¡¯s chest and do an ever-graceful toppling act backwards onto my arse; arms frantically waving as I


    land with a thud. He wasn¡¯t expecting me toe dashing out either, and he stumbles back from the


    collision before righting himself and walking to where I¡¯m syed on the floor like an immobile infant.


    Heart bouncing through my chest and bum bruising instantly from impact ¡­ I¡¯m winded and sprawled


    out like an invalid.


    He reaches out a hand to me in a gesture to help me up, but I lift my foot and shove it away before


    rolling to get up on my own. Mico throws me an exasperated look as he disappears out the door, and I


    am left alone with Alexi and the guy still screwing and doing God knows what to the door frame. He is


    taking a very long time and trying hard to ignore this weird dynamic we have going on.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry.¡¯ Alexi moves back to give me space and I just lift my chin higher and walk past him, acting


    like I couldn¡¯t give a toss that he is still here and trying not to rub my arse as I do so. I won¡¯t give him


    the satisfaction of knowing that actually hurt me.


    Old Cami showing an inkling of herself when caught in his presence. I am ruffled, breathless and


    inwardly aching in every way from being poorly and exerting too much energy already, but he doesn¡¯t


    need to know it.


    ¡®What do you want?¡¯ I have no space for niceties and no energy to spend on ying polite with the


    arsehole in my apartment. It¡¯s already been proven we rub each other the wrong way and this will only


    end badly.


    Despite that, I really want to ask him if it¡¯s true that he has been looking for me, but my pride won¡¯t let


    me. I shouldn¡¯t care ¡­ I don¡¯t care ¡­ it means nothing. Just changed his mind about my debt and


    letting a possession loose before realising he didn¡¯t want to. That¡¯s all it will be. He hates to lose. I have


    no illusions about who and what he is anymore. I was never more than a ything that he got bored of,


    and he is only here because he has some demented idea I can do something for him again. Not likely.


    ¡®To talk ¡­ to offer you something that will help both of us.¡¯ He seems oddly submissive now, and even


    though his first snappy greeting alerting me of his presence was hostility thereafter, he now seems to


    be following me around like a puppy as I do my best to ignore his presence. His initial anger and


    aggressive aura have faded into nothing, and instead, there¡¯s a weird calm to him that¡¯s trying to have


    an effect on me. I¡¯m not stupid though and I know he likes to y with your mind in any way he can.He


    seems different somehow and I guess maybe it¡¯s because he has lost all his shine and intimidation


    over me. I am not his anymore, and he cannot do a damn thing to me without my permission. He lost


    his power and now I see him for what he is.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    Even if I can¡¯t deny that he still has an effect on me.


    Every hair on my body is standing on end, skin goose bumped and insides in knots from him just being


    near me again. I hate him all the more for it. That all it takes is getting close and I lose all control of


    bodily reactions around him. Clearly still feel something for him, despite myself.


    Idiot!


    ¡®What could you possibly have that I would want?¡¯ I turn on him, determined not to look weak when he¡¯s


    in my face again. It¡¯s thest time I lose all ounces of self-respect in the presence of this man and I¡¯ll be


    damned if I do it again. I will never let myself sink so low for anyone, and he won¡¯t see me vulnerable


    again for as long as I live. I need to just stop biting when he pushes me.


    ¡®Your job back.¡¯


    ¡®What?¡¯ I blurt out inplete disbelief, half blinking as my brain catches up and half shocked into


    numbness. He has his eyes locked on me, standing a foot away, suffocating me with his sheer size but


    I stand my ground and do the only thing I can do.


    I burst outughing because he surely isn¡¯t being serious, and this has to be the single most ridiculous


    thing I have ever heard in my life. Intoical hysterics so intense I instantly bend double as tears fill


    my eyes and struggle to breathe through snorts. It¡¯s not the mostdylike way tough at your enemy,


    but it¡¯s genuine and it feels good to do it right in his face. My ribs are aching with the sudden exertion


    and he just stands stock still, staring at me as though he doesn¡¯t understand the joke which only makes


    it all the funnier.


    I hear him sigh heavily as I carry on, but he still says nothing at all and I have topose myself to be


    able to talk, standing upright while holding my side. I take shallow breaths to calm myself and wipe my


    eyes with the back of my hand, flinching at the pain from my busted face.


    ¡®Now I know this is a joke. Nice try though. You almost had me there. What do you really want?¡¯ I try


    and calm myself, more escapee tears from giggling so hard, but he is persistent in that starchy serious


    mood, eyes following me in a very deadpan face, standingpletely still and unreadable. He doesn¡¯t


    crack one tiny smile.


    It¡¯s weird just how calm and quiet he is being, for him. Especially after our little drama of minutes ago


    where he was chasing me around the room with a will to throttle me, and now he¡¯s just appraising my


    reaction with a sombre looking cute boy frown and a weird softness around his eyes. I¡¯m not sure I like


    the way he is looking at me or the drastic change of tactic which rouses suspicion. Itpletely sobers


    me as I get an inkling of something being off with him and finally right myself back to sanity. Even Alexi


    from the first days of knowing him was never this unaffected by me throwingughing fits at something


    he said.


    He was confident andmanding and had no qualms about bossing me around and telling me how


    things were going to go or being very verbally pissed. This version in front of me suddenly seems


    apprehensive, trying not to appear too intimidating, and I know somewhere in that head of his there¡¯s a


    motive for how he¡¯s being, there always is.


    It¡¯s Alexi after all!


    ¡®You back IN my club, back AT the club. I need you to fix it.¡¯ He swallows subtly, but I get the feeling


    that he is actually being serious in this and it¡¯s not a joke at all. There¡¯s no hint of malice or smugness


    from the tone or face. His demeanour ¡­ the way he¡¯s not stopped staring at me since I turned around


    and is annoyingly following my every movement as though his eyes are glued to me, it all screamsck


    of sarcasm and every ounce truth. Alexi cannot seem to tear his focus from mine, scanning me


    searchingly for a real answer. Waiting for it to sink in that he is not lying and it hits me strangely.


    He knows once it sinks in that his proposal is something I may want; I might actually want to sit and talk


    about this. I hate that he also knows it¡¯s the one thing that can still spike my attention, even after what


    happened between us. That club was my baby, my heart and soul, and the thought that they have


    fucked it up somehow jars me¡ªa tiny sliver of care that it¡¯s running badly and suffering without me.


    I know it¡¯s dumb. It¡¯s not a person or a living thing, but it was mine. I built and nurtured it and honed it to


    perfect running. It was something I had pride in and cared about, and he¡¯s here because they have hurt


    it in some way and now it¡¯s broken without me.


    ¡®What¡¯s wrong with it? What have you done?¡¯ It¡¯s the only thing I care about, and I¡¯m trying so hard to


    ignore the sweaty, mmy feeling in my hands or the way my heart is trying to escape through my


    chest the longer I am exposed to his intense staring. It¡¯s like he is trying to pick me apart. Aware with


    every passing second that it¡¯s just him and me alone finally. Mico is gone and the carpenter has


    disappeared back out into the hallway.


    I hate that I look like a homeless wench from the back woods, and he looks, well, like him. Tailored,


    groomed, clean-shaven and sexy as hell, dare I admit it. Talk about feeling inferior and unprepared for


    a little cosy business talk. It gives him the upper hand.


    I fucking hate him.


    ¡®It¡¯s failing ¡­ it¡¯s not the same. Clientele is dropping off and it¡¯s causing me nothing but headaches in


    the running. It¡¯s losing money like crazy.¡¯


    Alexi finally releases that captive hold he has on me and walks away to sit down on the now cleared


    couch of the room behind us. Upside to lobbing it all at him, I guess. He walks to it and sits, leaning


    forward to put his elbows on his knees and watches me in a very casual pose more befitting Gino than


    him. I think he expects me to follow as though we are really going to talk this out.


    I, however, am not rxing around this demon just yet; I cross my arms across my chest and stay


    exactly where I am ¡­ not trusting him, ever again. I would rather stick pokers in my eyes than believe


    anything he says to me.


    ¡®Firstly, you spent a great amount of effort evicting me from that same club. You did everything to get rid


    of me and now you¡¯re here expecting me to just forgive and forget and crawl back?¡¯ I point out moodily,


    tone snippy and chin up. I may not look like the old brassy redhead, but she still lives inside me. Alexi


    brings her out in crazy fashion!


    ¡®Things are different,¡¯ he answers calmly, giving nothing away, and I just furrow my brow.


    ¡®Hmm ¡­ Secondly, why would Ie back to such job insecurity a second time? Dependent on your


    moods I could be out on my arse again just as quickly, as soon as I sort it out.¡¯ I spit it a little


    aggressively this time, neither of us moving from our stand-off positions.


    ¡®I would make sure you had job security ¡­ a contract prohibiting me from doing it again.¡¯ His eyes drop


    to the floor for a second and I just narrow my gaze as I watch him. Looking for his tells and mannerisms


    to get a clue as to what¡¯s going on in that wicked brain; I see nothing.


    ¡®There¡¯s no one else in New York with my skill set, probably better, who cane be your skivvy?¡¯ I


    question seriously; pretty sure that I am not the only capable one.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want anyone else. You built it, you made it work, and it has you all over it. Why would I choose


    someone else to fix what you can fix? It¡¯s limping ¡­ I need you to patch it back up.¡¯ Alexies back


    to settle those pale greys on me studiously and I stare right back undeterred, pushing all those


    overwhelming feelings down deep. Unable to decipher if they are for him or the topic, but I am not


    backing down from trying to eat into his head with my own prative gaze the way he is doing to me.


    ¡®You left that second-grade ssless hoe to run things, didn¡¯t you? What was her name? Joyce?¡¯


    Sarcasm is back to being my friend and his little sigh tells me he is still not immune to my sass.

 Chapter 86

    Chapter 86


    I know fine well she¡¯s called Joanne, but I¡¯ll be damned if he thinks I give a shit about his woman in any


    way, shape or form. He chose that rancid slut as his bedfellow and hostess, so he can choke on it. He


    chose her over me. I hope she gave him STDs.


    ¡®She hasn¡¯t been the best choice and now the club is losing money.¡¯ Again, he looks at the floor, and if


    it wasn¡¯t Alexi the tosser Carrero he would seem defeated and a little submissive. I know better. He¡¯s


    trying to manipte me into doing what he wants.


    ¡®Boo hoo. Should have thought about that before you kicked me to the curb then, shouldn¡¯t you?¡¯ I turn


    away from him and walk to the kitchen with a satisfied smirk, not falling for his BS, to retrieve a drink of


    water to soothe my parched and raspy throat. Also needing a little head space as his ever-looming


    presence fills my room like a ck cloud. I hate that no matter what; he just pulls all the air out of my


    orbit effortlessly. It¡¯s like he has his own gravity and I am eternally sucked in by it.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    Opening the fridge for the bottles I keep there; I realise it isn¡¯t even on. I close and open it again before


    feeling inside¡ªit¡¯spletely warm; the sour smell of food going off tells me another shitty appliance in


    here has packed in and I sigh. mming it shut angrily because it¡¯s something else I don¡¯t need right


    now ¡­ I have enough stress. Another little notch on the crap list of crappier things that are trying to


    send me over the edge this week. My cooker doesn¡¯t work. Now the god damn fridge doesn¡¯t work. The


    shower already packed in and baths are temperamental. I don¡¯t have a microwave after it exploded and


    now, I don¡¯t have the money to think about buying anything anymore.


    Will anything else go wrong in this godforsaken ce this week?


    ¡®I¡¯ll make it worth your while.¡¯ Alexi is behind me almost instantly, scaring the bejesus out of me, and I


    jump in obvious reaction because I was distracted and didn¡¯t hear him sneak up on me. Cursing him


    out mentally for scaring me this way, it¡¯s still a sensitive scar¡ªpeople close behind me in any way. He


    was probably peering at the darn refrigerator too and I shove him back with my arse aggressively in a


    bid to make him move, hating that he crept up behind me into my space and made me ufortable.


    Hating that he saw my shitty, empty, rotting broken fridge and knows I am up shit creek with nothing


    that works. I stalk across the room noisily, sulkily, making it clear I need space from him, carrying my


    lukewarm bottle even though I have no desire to drink it now.


    ¡®Doubt it.¡¯ I shrug and plonk it on the wobbly table beside my mirror, catching sight of how awful I look,


    and it¡¯s a shock to the system even though it¡¯s hardly a new reflection ¡­ a little punch to the stomach.


    My face is ck and blue, now that time has allowed it all toe out. My nose is swollen and my top


    lip has a split that I didn¡¯t see until it got this bad from expansion. I look like I have been run over,


    specifically my head, and it¡¯s no wonder Alexi is staring at me so weirdly. I would stare too. I look like


    Quasimodo¡¯s little sister by all ounts.


    Brown lifeless hair in a messy bun on my head from sleeping in it, hair falling down everywhere in


    haphazard untidiness, and I look pale and skinny with crazily huge eyes. A mere shell of the girl he


    knew and it¡¯s a wonder he thinks I¡¯m capable of being his hostess once more when I look like utter


    crap. Meghan baby, you really are a in Jane with shit taste and no skill in making yourself


    presentable.


    Alexi looks at the floor between his feet, and I can¡¯t tell if he is trying to keep that infernal temper of his


    under control or whether he is at a loss on how to proceed. He seems different but maybe that¡¯s


    because I¡¯m different.


    That hopeless love-sick weak-willed idiot who threw herself at his mercy is now a cold-hearted shadow


    who wants nothing to do with him. I wouldn¡¯t care if he got up and walked straight back out of my door.


    In fact, it would give me great joy to see him leave. I wouldn¡¯t cry one single tear if he disappeared back


    out into the beyond to never return again¡ªI cried over him enough in the first days of leaving, and I


    won¡¯t ever do it again. I guess he can sense he has lost his edge and ising up with some devious


    n to put me back in line. That¡¯s what he does.


    Not a chance, New York!


    ¡®You can have ten percent of the club, use of the apartment above ¡­ without me staying there, and a


    wage rise from managing hostess to club manager; Full control of the club and all aspects of running it.¡¯


    He looks up as he says it, disarmingly honest faced and soft, and everything in me flushes down to my


    toes in surprise as my heart somersaults at the unexpectedness of it. The offer or the look, I have no


    clue.


    He makes me feel uneasy and I look away again, forgetting for a moment how much I hate him when


    he¡¯s hitting me with an offer that actually makes me second guess my decision to tell him to go fuck


    himself. I hesitate, swallowing down the sudden lurch of stomach to mouth and fluttering wings in my


    chest. Instantly light-headed as though anxiety has perked up and my knees go all weak and weird. It¡¯s


    not like he¡¯s asking me to fuck him, but somehow it has the same internal response.


    ¡®Why would you offer me all that after you tried so hard to get rid of me? You dodged answering that ¡­


    but I need to know!¡¯ I am the one to lock eyes on him this time, keeping my distance because I don¡¯t


    trust him toe near me and yet, I can¡¯t help believing him.


    I know Alexi when he is in maniption mode and right now, it¡¯s all deadpan business andck of


    devious. He looks rxed and normal; human like. I saw this version of him when he put his money


    and club before everything, and we had rare genuine moments between us where our only concern


    was keeping it ticking over. It is one version of him maybe I can believe in; the businessman who cares


    about one of his endeavours.


    ¡®I told you ¡­ the club is losing money and clients, and it¡¯s running itself into the ground. You built it, you


    made it tick and I need you to do that again. Only this time with security over your position, so you can¡¯t


    be made to walk away.¡¯


    He¡¯s clever, I¡¯ll give him that. Dangling a part of my club in front of me to own and hold as mine. Even if


    he wants me gone, I¡¯ll still get a cut of the profits as long as he legally gives me the ten percent. He¡¯s


    offering a binding agreement in case he has a little temper tantrum and tries to push me out again¡ªhe


    thinks it will sway me.


    It¡¯s tempting; so is the apartment, knowing he would never be in it, but I just can¡¯t.


    The swirling knot of sickening tension in my stomach is acting as a healthy sign of foreboding. Never


    get into bed with this man ¡­ he will fuck you, fuck you over and fuck you clean out the window without


    a second look. He did it to me spectacrly.


    ¡®So, you found a use for me and decided it was time to pick me back up out of the gutter, right?¡¯ I can¡¯t


    hide the hurt in my voice or the disdain, even trying, and Alexi sighs heavily at my tone. He is still


    seated, rubbing his palms together slowly, and moves to lounge casually back on the couch to watch


    me further; taking over his space. Obviously annoyed that this isn¡¯t going how he nned, but then he


    isn¡¯t actually trying hard.


    Where is all that charm and easy schmoozing?


    He just seems half-arsed and more interested in staring at me than using his actual skill in convincing


    me. This isn¡¯t the negotiator and lord of mind games I know and despise¡ªthis is some weak offer with


    no real conviction.


    Must not want me at his club that bad after all!


    I just shake my head at him in utter disappointment that even when throwing me a deal, it seems


    begrudged ¡­ or something. I actually don¡¯t know what it is. He¡¯s infuriatingly unreadable, even if his


    heavy exhales and frowns hint that he¡¯s frustrated.


    ¡®You want me to say I¡¯m sorry?¡¯ Alexi jumps to his feet suddenly, startling me out of my own head and


    walks towards me. He stops when I back away into the corner, panic hitting my face as everything


    inside of me tumbles into my toes feebly. Knocked by his sudden movements and losing every ounce


    of courage. His face changes subtly from determined and serious to another unreadable expression,


    less determined and serious. I don¡¯t even try to fathom what it is, because he looks as tired as I feel,


    yet I know it¡¯s probably an act. He is the one single male on the I have never been able to read


    in any way, even knowing some of his tiny tells. I know for sure; he never shows you what¡¯s really going


    on under his mask ¡­ it¡¯s always illusion.


    ¡®Maybe,¡¯ I shrug with one shoulder sarcastically, in a bid to dismiss my responses, cover my stumble.


    ring at him now he¡¯s closer as a warning to back off¡ªnervy of his proximity and back to fighting my


    bodily reactions to this man.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry. Is that what you need to hear? I¡¯m sorry for how it panned out, how it ended. I¡¯m sorry for all


    that I did and said ¡­ I was wrong ¡­ I was an asshole. I. Am. Sorry! I NEED you in my club, Cam. My


    club needs you back at the helm once more. ¡®


    Alexi and his amazing attempt at genuine sorrow, worthy of an Oscar with that almost believable


    performance. Almost! I can¡¯t help the bitter taste that consumes me and the internal anger thates


    out of me so easily. I shake my head and do to him what he did to me when I put myself out there and


    tried to tell him how I felt, fuelled withplete abhorrence at his pitiful attempts. I apud his efforts;


    pping my hands softly and send a fake smile his way.


    ¡®Well done. Almost believed you for a moment and then I remembered, you¡¯re incapable of remorse or


    guilt, and I don¡¯t actually care about your club. It¡¯s nothing to do with me anymore and it can sink for all


    I care.¡¯ I drop my hands and just stand my ground, obvious toxicity in my tone, watching that


    unemotional face as he scans mine, and we stand locked in a silent war of stubborn minds¡ªNeither


    willing to back down, and neither capable of doing so.


    ¡®Well, that¡¯s a lie.¡¯ He smarts at my response, irritation rising for sure and I just raise a smug brow and


    smile at him as if to say ¡®Really?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s calm demeanour sizzles away fast.


    ¡®You want to stay here, in this shithole and go back to what? Waiting tables in that little pink dress on


    your floor over there, Meghan? Really looks like you¡¯re doing so well for yourself.¡¯ He pans the room


    with his hand and frowns my way, knowing he has the upper hand in what he is offering, but I really do


    not give a crap. I hate that he obviously picked up my dress and read my name badge ¡­ nosy bastard!


    ¡®I would rather rot here, wasting myself in a diner than ever get stuck in the same ce as you again.


    Been there, done it and own the fucking t-shirt!¡¯ This time there is real venom in my voice, bruised heart


    showing through because he has me backed against a wall, and he knows it. My life is shit and I¡¯m in a


    deste ce with a bleak future that anyone can see with one look at this ce. He is offering me a


    real way out, a way back to something I want, and yet, I would rather suffer in hell than let him y with


    my head again ¡­ than let him act as the hero, when really all I would be is his little pawn to pull to


    pieces and throw in the gutter when he was done; All over again.


    I am no fool that cannot see past him this time. Alexi is a cold bastard who only cares about what¡¯s


    good for business and what keeps him amused. He ys games, he uses people, and he discarded


    me when I lost what little leverage, I had in his world. It would just repeat all over again.


    ¡®This is business, it wouldn¡¯t be the same,¡¯ he implores in a gentler tone, trying to simmer that burning


    fire I can see so clearly in the tight jaw and straight brow, but I can¡¯t simmer my own volcano now he¡¯s


    stirred it up.


    ¡®It was meant to be businessst time, until you fucked me. Do you remember that Alexi? YOU fucked


    ME! You are the one who took it from that to the train wreck it became. Why the hell would I give you a


    second chance at it? What¡¯s the matter? You disappointed that the gun jammed, huh? Want a do-


    over?¡¯ I spit my words at him, tears biting at me from nowhere as I stupidly let him get to me. Being


    tired and poorly really ys havoc with my ability to cope emotionally, and he¡¯s an arsehole who pulls


    this shit out of me. I try and hold it together, really pull it back inside, until I can barely see through the


    blurry haze of misty eyes, aching throat from trying so hard not to cry and hating that he still gets to me


    like this.


    ¡®I never wanted that. Why do you think I tried to stop you?¡¯ Alexi walks at me again, eyes shing with


    anger at my usation and I back away from him at speed, this time banging my back on the wall and


    slide down as fear makes my legs crumble. He caught me off guard, upset and struggling to pull myself


    together. It¡¯s no wonder I overreact. He still has that effect on me even now and I curse myself for


    letting him see it; Hating my own pathetic inability to stand up to him when I am emotionally low.


    Alexi stops suddenly, surprised by my response especially since half an hour ago I was trying to take


    his head off, and he moves back. His eyes on me as I cower down here, and he turns away to stare


    across the room, the side of his profile on show and I watch silently as he tenses his jaw off and on as


    though he¡¯s trying to regain his calmer demeanour. He takes a moment and looks back at me and I


    swear for a tiny flicker of a moment I see guilt, apprehension and something else¡ªreal regret¡ªmaybe.


    I just don¡¯t know.


    I flush with shame at behaving this way and struggle to bring back some of my sass. Cami is fading


    into fatigue and I need her to keep me strong in his presence.


    ¡®I¡¯m not going to hurt you, in any way, I swear.¡¯ He breathes it out softly, almost endearingly but I¡¯m not


    dumb enough to fall for that shit. His hand twitches by his side as though he¡¯s contemting a hand to


    help me up, but knows I will refuse again. I just blink away the evidence of my pain and try to stop it all


    pouring out more effectively.


    ¡®I don¡¯t believe you. You¡¯re not capable of making that promise.¡¯ My voice shakes, honest emotion


    breaking through finally, and I inwardly p myself for letting him see me break. Months of building up


    resistance to his effects and ites down in minutes of his appearance. I haven¡¯t moved on at all.


    Alexi looks at the floor, frowning. A look of shame washing over his face in a flicker and then it¡¯s gone.


    ¡®I need you in the club, at work. That¡¯s all I am asking for. I will keep my distance, give you space and


    control and you can negotiate the terms you want. You won¡¯t be mine anymore ¡­ You will be a partner


    in business and can leave whenever you please. I will stay the fuck away if that¡¯s what you need me to


    do. I won¡¯t cross the line where you are concerned.¡¯

 Chapter 87

    Chapter 87


    It sounds like a reasonable offer. Sweetening the deal, removing himself from the scenario, sounding


    like he means it, but he can¡¯t take out the one thing which leaves it sour no matter how many bonus


    points he adds on¡ªthat it will still be a connection to him. And as long as he is involved, there will


    always be that ck cloud of doubt that he will leave me alone.


    I get up slowly and clumsily, and move away from the corner I have put myself in giving him a wide


    berth, and head for the couch to sit down. Trying to look more confident than I feel, and praying Mico


    comes back soon. The carpenter has shut us in and seems to be silent now, oblivious to what¡¯s going


    on or in fact deliberately got out of here and is staying away.


    ¡®This is no life for you, Cam.¡¯ Alexi is trying to appeal to me in other ways and I just roll my eyes even


    though I am facing away.


    ¡®Well, it¡¯s pretty much how I started out, so I can¡¯t say it bothers me that much ¡­ home away from


    home.¡¯ I answer sarcastically, swallowing down thest of my vulnerable sniffles. I¡¯m no stranger to


    poverty or hard times. I know I can get through worse than this if I have to. I have lived through harder


    times and I will again, once I get a little time to pick myself up.


    ¡®You deserve so much more.¡¯ He follows me with a heavy tone and I eye roll harder and almost strain


    an eyeball this time.


    ¡®Don¡¯t even ¡­ You make meugh you do.¡¯ I can¡¯t help the sardonic smile pasted on my face as I spin


    at him, mymon dialect breaking through my practiced posh, at the irony of his words. He must


    think I was born yesterday to believe any of this horse shit and at least he has done what he does best;


    pissed me off and reced woe with fire. Nothing ignites my fight more than Alexi being a dickhead.


    ¡®Did I deserve more when you sent me packing? Or is it only when I have a use that you deem me


    worthy of an actual existence?¡¯ I spit it at him, seething with hatred and venom and yet still, he just


    looks deadpan.


    Nothing is sparking him beyond minor irritation and I don¡¯t get it. He was very much the alive and


    kicking hell hath no fury when Iunched a shoe at his head, why the hell is he being so controlled


    now? What did Mico say to him before he left to have this much of an effect on his behaviour?


    ¡®I don¡¯t want to fight with you, Cam. I am trying to give you a lifeline to a better ce.¡¯ Again, another


    sombre and steady tone with no real conviction. He¡¯s trying his hardest to appear like he¡¯s a stable


    human being and not the crazy psycho I know that dwells inside.


    ¡®See, this is my problem right here. You think what you¡¯re offering is a better ce and a brighter future,


    but I have been there and done that, Dahling. You may be offering better surroundings, money and a


    job I excel at, but ites with a price on my soul, and it¡¯s one I am not willing to pay a second time


    round. We both know you will have me five minutes and the urge to exert control and punishment will


    be your undoing. Stop trying, I¡¯m not biting. I don¡¯t want it. Go back to your club Alexi and find some


    other mug to deal with you. I bet Joyce will jump at the chance.¡¯ I lift the cushion to myp to still my


    shaking hands and sigh when he moves closer, not getting the hint that his proximity is not wee. I


    tense up, every inch of me battling between shivers and goosebumps and butterflies going crazy, but


    he ignores it and sits down next to me. A two-foot gap between us, and he turns my way to lean a hand


    on the back of the over worn leather seat which puts his hand very close to my shoulder. I can feel his


    eyes prating my face and try to nk him by staring straight ahead at the door, as it visibly vibrates


    again with whatever the carpenter is doing. At least it¡¯s a sign he is still here and I am notpletely


    alone with this demon.


    ¡®Twenty percent! I will triple your wage and stay away from the club as much as you need me to. I won¡¯t


    interfere in any way. I give you my word.¡¯


    He just doesn¡¯t give up.


    ¡®Jesus, she must really have done a number on that ce. Are you that desperate?¡¯ It¡¯s almost a


    disbelievingugh.


    ¡®I¡¯m not leaving you here.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice has that hint of softness that reminds me of that night; when I


    thought he could maybe love me too. It¡¯s a sharp biting reminder of how deluded I was to ever fall for


    hints of caring. It throws me for six, heart reacting, yet I refuse to let him see it. Shutting it down quickly


    and I harden myself to him.


    ¡®That¡¯s not your choice. It¡¯s mine.¡¯ My voice is barely above a whisper. All my fight is dying with my


    energy. I need to lie down soon or I may pass out. All of this is just too much on my weak body at one


    time and like always, he is draining all the life from me.


    Alexi is frustrated, runs a hand through his hair and scratches his jawline in an out of character


    mannerism, beforeing back to look me over; his brain clearly all over the ce with my constant


    refusals. He¡¯s not a guy who ever gets a ¡®No¡¯ and I¡¯m pretty impressed with how much he is holding


    onto his cool. I know inside he must be raging and desperate to administer some sort of heinous


    punishment for defying him. He¡¯s probably fantasising about picking me up and locking me in the boot


    of his car against my wishes before shackling me to his bar.


    ¡®Who hurt you? The asshole who broke in? A boyfriend? Client?¡¯ His words sound strained, but his


    assumption makes me rage.


    ¡®Client? Really? You think I have such low self-esteem that first sign of trouble I go back to being a tom


    on the street? How many fucking times Alexi ¡­? I wasn¡¯t a whore by choice and I don¡¯t sell sex to any


    man for anything, anymore. I survived with what I knew and as soon as found another way to do so, I


    left it behind. Just get out ¡­ just fucking go, you¡¯re making me crazy and I need to lie down.¡¯ Fury


    erupts and I push my cushion at his chest as I push him back and storm to stand. He doesn¡¯t move,


    just keeps prating my skull and giving nothing away; Waits for me to spin on him before he slowly


    gets up to meet my height and then some. He stands over me in that huge frame and intimidating


    posture he has.


    ¡®I¡¯m not leaving you.¡¯ He is as stubborn as I am, and we re at one another, so close we are sharing


    air.


    ¡®How ironic ¡­ Where was that sentence when I needed it, huh? Where was your chivalry then? We


    don¡¯t do well in one another¡¯spany Alexi, and I think you should just go. This is pointless. You


    won¡¯t get the answer you want, and I don¡¯t want you here.¡¯ I give in,pletely fed up now and no


    longer trying to goad a fight. I just want this over so I can rest, and it¡¯s obvious in my tone and


    breathless deliverance.


    Alexi turns agitatedly and paces the room, again with the hair messing. A mannerism I have only seen


    him do when he was tired and stressed over business. I have never seen him behave this way when


    his face hasn¡¯t been pushed in a file or glued to hisptop.


    There is no way in hell my refusals mean that much in the grand scheme of Carrero businesses. His


    club isn¡¯t one of his priorities in life, or his biggest earners. In fact, he always told me it was beneficial


    for contacts but not overly profitablepared to some things he owns.


    I don¡¯t get why it¡¯s getting to him this much. He could just go hire someone to do a better job than that


    donkey faced tramp he hides in his basement.


    ¡®YOU are NOT staying here! You¡¯reing to the club and staying in the apartment tonight and you¡¯re


    going to quit that dead-end job that makes you wear that piece of shit dress. Meghan isn¡¯t your name, I


    don¡¯t want to hear it again and you WILLe home, Cami! It¡¯s where you belong.¡¯ Alexi explodes


    slightly; I guess frustration finally builds to that level. It¡¯s that bossy, arrogant ¡®I OWN YOU¡¯ tone that I


    knew he hadn¡¯t lost¡ªhiding in the pretend docile act. He¡¯s losing his temper with me and here it


    comes. Next will be the side of him that really knows how to party in hell. Sadistic Satan with his


    crooked crown!This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I¡¯m d. This is the side I want to see! The reminder of why I should stay a million miles away from him


    for as long as I live. No matter how good an offer he¡¯s throwing my way; In case I ever forgot what a


    controlling piece if shit he is.


    I jump to my feet too, anger spiking as quickly as his just has, bravado strong when in full volcanic rage


    about to erupt.


    ¡®Don¡¯t you dare tell me what to do, you arsehole. Don¡¯t think you can waltz in here making demands


    and throwing your weight around just because I¡¯m down on my luck. It¡¯s my fucking life! I will survive


    this like I do everything fucking else. I survived you, didn¡¯t I? I survived a bloody crack in my skull at


    your hands, and I have survived men who almost killed me countless times. Why don¡¯t you just piss


    off?¡¯ I turn haughtily to walk towards my bedroom, so done with this conversation and him, and


    determined to end it. Signalling that this is well and truly over and he should let himself out.


    How would he know where I belong? He spent weeks telling me it wasn¡¯t with him, so why would I


    listen to him now?


    Alexi grabs my wrist unexpectedly and yanks me back harshly, causing me to gasp with the surprise


    and fly back to face him defensively. I flip my shit in shocked reaction; Sanity jumping out a window


    when ites to this man ever trying to restrain me again.


    That inner demon, the girl he bruised and broke. The one he shackled and emotionally abused. The


    one, who has been licking her bitter wounds for the past four months, throws out her head and attacks


    with a fury that makes his rage pale inparison.


    I p at his shoulder and arm, shoving him and wrenching my wrist free, hurling abusive curses at him


    and screaming with all my earthly might as he just tries to defend himself uselessly.


    ¡®DON¡¯T EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN!¡¯


    Alexi seems shocked at my overreaction and just lets me go, eyes wide in question, yet he holds his


    hands defensively up which signals he isn¡¯t going to try anymore. Instantly backing down from his


    aggressive handling and a wary expression crosses that normally arrogant face. The guy, who always


    punished me for daring toy a finger on him, releases me without even a tiny spark of annoyance at


    what I just did. He just seems out of his depth so suddenly.


    ¡®You lost the right to touch me; you won¡¯t ever get it back. Keep your hands to yourself!¡¯ I cry it at him;


    tears pouring down my face as everything inside of me slides out rapidly and I no longer care. He can


    go die for all I care; I¡¯m done with him and this conversation. I am done hiding how much he screwed


    me up.


    I don¡¯t stop to wait on his response, just drag my arse to my bedroom at speed, clumsily, and shut the


    door hard with a bang that rocks every wall hanging in my room. I push a chair up under the handle so


    he can¡¯t follow, and throw myself against the door too. I slide down and huddle beside it as an extra


    barrier to keep him out¡ªcrying because I am frustrated, angry, broken inside and so very sick.


    I just want him to leave me alone and stop messing with my head just by being here. He has no


    concept of how messy in my brain it has been since Ist saw him and I wasn¡¯t prepared for any of this.


    Alexi just makes me feelpletely crazy.


    The knock on the door stops me and I curl up into a tight little childish ball, willing him away, deted


    with his persistence.


    ¡®Go away!¡¯ I yell through muffled tears, but he knocks again.


    ¡®I¡¯m not letting you in so just go away,¡¯ I blurt out, my voice muffled as I silently sob.


    ¡®Cam? ¡­ Did they ¡­?¡¯ He trails off and I turn to look at the shut door, confused by that weird broken


    sentence and it hushes my tears for a moment as I try to mentally finish his it. He sounds weird,


    hesitant, his voice low and patchy. He doesn¡¯t sound like him at all and it draws out a question from me


    surprisingly.


    ¡®Did they what?¡¯


    I don¡¯t know how or what he¡¯s talking about, or what he is even on.


    ¡®Did they touch you beyond violence?¡¯ His voice cracks as he asks it, a gut kick at the sound because


    it¡¯s so alien from him, and it dawns on me what he is asking. He thinks my reaction to his touch is


    because my intruder raped me, and for a moment I want to bothugh at how insane this moment is


    and yet cry that it takes everything that¡¯s gone before to actually see a genuine moment from him. He


    thinks they raped me, and he sounds horrified by that fact. Alexi sounds like it actually matters, even if


    he is a few years toote. I guess I shouldn¡¯t be surprised, seeing as I know how he feels about men


    hurting women in that way, even if it¡¯spletely ironic because he just fucks our heads up instead of


    our bodies.


    I let him stew for a moment, staying quiet and shaking my head at him through that wooden wall


    between us, findingposure in this irony. I hope he feels bad, even if it¡¯s just fleeting andy my


    head back down on my knees to calm myself further.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ It sounds strained, pleading almost. Begging to know how far they went in hurting me, and as


    much as I want to make him suffer, I don¡¯t want it to be like this. I¡¯m not him with his mind games and


    emotional weapons. I don¡¯t ever want to be like that again. I¡¯m not that girl anymore.


    ¡®No. They just knocked me out and left me on the floor while they ransacked this ce. I woke up


    dressed. They didn¡¯t rape me Alexi.¡¯ I lift my head and listen to his silence, looking at the squalor of my


    surroundings and long for the warmth and cleanliness of the apartment over the club. He knew which


    carrots to dangle alright; it¡¯s the first home I ever really bonded to. I cannot get the aching longing of


    homesickness out of my head as I sit and look at my dim reality.


    I dealt with all this in my first weeks here and thought I had it under control, but I guess with him being


    here, making me feel this way, it¡¯s alling back to hit me again like a freight train.


    I think I hear him exhale but it¡¯s muffled through the door, and then he speaks again.


    ¡®I want to have you checked over; to be sure you¡¯re okay. Concussions can be serious.¡¯


    Don¡¯t I know it!


    Three days in hospital with a migraine from hell after he banged my head into the apartment wall. I had


    headaches for weeks that lingered for days and were so severe I would see spots even a week after. I


    ended up back in emergency when I started throwing up after a particrly bad headache ten days on,


    and was told that I had to take it easy, let my head heal. I had a fracture in my skull that needed time.


    Something that private clinic he paid for never mentioned when they released me. They were more


    interested in reporting my well-being to the bill payer than telling me anything.

 Chapter 88

    Chapter 88


    I guess Alexi is sensitive to head injuries given what happened with Gino, and this isn¡¯t really about me


    at all. He just happens to get panicky over people dying from brain injury, I guess.


    ¡®I¡¯m fine. I just need you to leave,¡¯ I call out softly. I don¡¯t think I have the energy anymore to even get


    up.


    ¡®I told you. I¡¯m not going anywhere without you. I¡¯m not leaving you here.¡¯ He sounds determined and I


    just get agitated once more¡ªour roundabout of emotions and moods that never ends.


    ¡®Jesus Christ Alexi!¡¯ I get up, despite the effort it takes, yank the chair away from the door and pull it


    open with force, to be faced with him standing, leaning both hands against the frame, so I walk right


    into his space as he stands bracing himself. It¡¯s a bit like getting pped in the face being suddenly


    assaulted with him in such an up-front manner. I practically bang my nose on his chest but I don¡¯t show


    that it rattles me.


    ¡®Why?¡¯ I implore, exhausted with him already and it¡¯s been less than an hour in hispany. I forgot


    how tiring he can be and how infuriatingly stubborn when his mind is set on something.


    Alexi¡¯s eyes run over my face and I swear I see a tiny flinch as he gets a fresh look at the mess of it in


    this light. We are directly under a weirdmp that overhangs my bedroom door and probably the


    brightest spot in the apartment. Eyebrows dipping, he flexes that square jaw before looking back into


    my eyes. He hesitates, a long pause as he just stares at me, that brain obviously whirring and clicking


    away.


    ¡®I need you in my club.¡¯ He¡¯s the one who moves away this time, and before I get a chance to say


    anything else the carpenter opens the door and walks in, breaking the tension that¡¯s thick enough to cut


    with a knife.


    ¡®Door shuts and I fitted a new internal lock and handles on each side. I put some of your dead bolts


    back on with a wooden panel to strengthen the wood and straighten it out, and will get to the windows


    when your man returns with the catches from my workshop.¡¯ He draws us away from our conversation.


    ¡®Thanks. Mico will settle the bill when he gets back.¡¯ Alexi turns to him and walks towards the man to


    check the door, opening and shutting it himself and trying the locks as he inspects its strength. He


    looks for a moment,pletely at home, takingmand and supervising something and it serves to


    remind me of who he is.


    ¡®Put every bolt back on and maybe a couple more, can¡¯t be too safe right?¡¯ He throws me a look over


    his shoulder and I just roll my eyes at him, turn and walk back into my room and sit on the bed to


    steady my shaky legs. I think my body has finally lost the fight, and I have no idea how I am still


    standing. I sink into the semi-hard mattress dejectedly, picking at the bobbled nket while trying to


    zone out from reality for a few minutes, to get some respite.


    It all feels surreal and like I¡¯m not really here. I am that sleepy.


    A few hours ago, he was a distant memory and now he¡¯s here throwing orders around and taking over


    like he always does; Takingmand, filling the atmosphere with his dominant presence.


    It¡¯s like no time has passed and I just want him gone so I can breathe. He makes it near impossible to


    think straight. It¡¯s too easy to sit back and fall under his care when it¡¯s like this and I know he will keep


    weakening me to the point I end up agreeing to anything. He¡¯s too potent to be around, and I am too


    feeble to stay standing for much longer.


    I look up when movement at my door attracts my attention and catch him standing there, leaning


    against the frame and looking at me again. I must have zoned out from tiredness to not have heard him


    come back. And just gaze at him with the heaviest and slowest of exhales.


    ¡®What now?¡¯ It¡¯s quiet, low, defeated because I¡¯m just too tired for this shit.


    ¡®It¡¯s an open offer¡ªfor when you change your mind¡ªIF you change your mind.¡¯ His tone matches mine


    in terms of gentleness andcklustre. Alexi is relenting, backing down, and now I know something is up


    with him. Alexi NEVER backs down, ever. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s in his DNA to do so and I squint at him


    suspiciously.


    ¡®Why are you being so weird?¡¯ It¡¯s out of my mouth before I put my brain in gear and I curse myself for


    it. I can never just shut up, let him say his peace and leave ¡­ can I?


    ¡®A lot can change in four months ¡­ maybe I just realise that I made mistakes in how I treated you.¡¯ He


    frowns at me with a hint of a smile that brings out one dimple and it shakes me a little. A reminder of


    that charm he has tucked away and how well he uses it to his advantage. Like a bucket of icy cold


    water tossed in my face.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®Too little, toote. Should have figured out what you had when it was still yours. It isn¡¯t anymore. You


    gave me my freedom and I¡¯m not handing it back. We¡¯re going around in circles so maybe just admit


    defeat and leave.¡¯ I shake my head at him, trying to ignore the pain in my gut from his words and just


    pray Micoes and takes him away soon.


    Alexi just keeps staring at me relentlessly with that infuriatingly unreadable face, and despite all he has


    been, I don¡¯t feel the fear like I used to when faced with Mr Unemotional.


    I don¡¯t care what he¡¯s thinking about, he has no power over me anymore. Since he arrived, I have


    thrown things at him, pped him and shoved him around, and he has yet to actually retaliate in any


    way. Something tells me he isn¡¯t going to; I don¡¯t know how I could know that, but I can feel it.


    Something has changed in his behaviour; I should stop questioning it and thank my lucky stars he¡¯s


    ying nice ¡­ not that I trust it.


    Almost like I willed it, I catch Mico¡¯s voice as he walks in behind Alexi and appears at the door too. Like


    a saviour in the midst and I¡¯m rushed with relief and genuine happiness to see him back. My body


    sagging finally, knowing I can rx once more, and he might finally remove this thorn from my side.


    ¡®Hey, I¡¯m back. Is sheing with us?¡¯ He sounds bright and weirdly cheerful for such an early hour in


    the morning. It annoys me that he also expected me to jump and run after Carrero like a sad little


    puppy; I grit my teeth and give him an unamused look.


    ¡®No, she is not,¡¯ I answer for myself and throw him an usatory re. Mico was meant to be on my


    side, not pairing up with his freakishly simr looking cousin on this. He¡¯s the one who told me to break


    free of this life and start over.


    Why the hell is he back pedalling now?


    Alexi and Mico pass some sort of look at each other and Alexi turns and walks back into the other


    room, leaving me staring at my so-called friend and I wonder what the heck that was. Some silent


    municado¡¯ between gangsters and Mico is taking over? It¡¯s unusual for Alexi to step out of a


    discussion when he isn¡¯t winning. Mico sighs andes in to sit on the bed beside me without


    invitation, but it¡¯s not like I can be bothered to refuse. I have barely enough in me to move from the bed


    anymore.


    ¡®Take the offer.¡¯ He looks me right in the eye with sincerity, a genuine pleading frown, and I start


    laughing at him.


    ¡®I can¡¯t believe you. Four months ago, you stood in that room and told me to cut ties with this life and


    get far away from it. That he would never be my hero and I should get far away from all of you.¡¯ I


    remind him sternly.


    ¡®I know, but things change.¡¯ Mico looks from me to the open door, I guess to check if Alexi is hovering


    nearby.


    ¡®Why, what¡¯s changed exactly? Other than he¡¯s losing money,¡¯ I ask pointedly, disinterested in Alexi¡¯s


    whereabouts.


    He motions around the room as if to say my current living situation has made him change his mind, but


    I¡¯m not buying it. Everyone can go through patches of being down on their luck; they don¡¯t throw in the


    towel at the first hurdle. Mico was adamant enough to walk away from me in the hospital and let me go


    too. I am not going to believe for one second that me hitting a low point has motivated Alexi to grow a


    heart in his empty chest. He didn¡¯t know until he got here, unless he has been keeping tabs on me,


    which I wouldn¡¯t put past him, to be honest. I know he has spies everywhere.


    Mico sighs, seeing the disbelieving look sttered across my face, and turns back to me with a


    friendlier effort.


    ¡®It won¡¯t be the same; I¡¯ll make sure of that. If you came back, I can promise it would be different.¡¯


    ¡®You got a cage big enough to keep that locked up indefinitely?¡¯ I nod towards Alexi, who seems to be


    pacing the other room and watching the carpenter at the window, trying not to look in here and failing.


    He seems restless and antsy, which is another unusual state for him. Not that I care anymore.


    I don¡¯t know how to read him but even so, I can tell something is off. He¡¯s acting strange, Mico is acting


    the same and I feel like I have hit the twilight zone with these two. I wonder what else is going on under


    the surface of this offer to warrant the weirdness from the two of them, or their insistence Ie back.


    There has to be more to this.


    The club is not that important in his empire, so I know this is not like a life or death ¡®we need you to


    save the day¡¯ type scenario.


    ¡®Didn¡¯t I tell you once that there is a lot more to him than what you see? He wouldn¡¯t be here if he


    wasn¡¯t trying to make amends. Give him a chance Cami, to put right some of the shit that went


    down.¡¯ Mico takes my hand and squeezes it, making me jump with the movement as he does so, and I


    stare at him a little distrustfully. Overkill with nice, evening from him of all people, makes me


    nervous.


    ¡®He isn¡¯t capable of remorse, so I doubt that¡¯s true.¡¯ I don¡¯t move my hand but it stays ridged in his hold


    ¡­ awkwardly so.


    Mico sighs again, heavily, disying his frustration, but he glosses over my response.


    ¡®Think about it ¡­ Alexi won¡¯t revoke this offer. He wants you toe back. We both do ¡­ Give him a


    chance to prove you wrong.¡¯


    Alexi doesn¡¯t want me, he wants his money-making machine to be put right again, and he knows I¡¯m


    the one who set her in motion. I have the know-how to make her roll again. No matter how many


    different ways they phrase it, my answer will be the same.


    ¡®I have thought about it. Alexi is the reason I won¡¯t ept it, and I¡¯m sorry if I seem ungrateful Mico. I


    just have to find my own way now. I¡¯m sorry I made youe here, and I will pay you back for the


    repairs ¡­¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t. It¡¯s nothing.¡¯ He sounds defeated too and I don¡¯t get this softly, softly, approach from them. Both


    are men who get what they want, or they manipte the oue of what they want. I have watched


    them both pair up and smoothly close many deals in the club. Neither is trying to force me or


    manoeuvre me and it¡¯s wholly unnerving.


    I think he realises this is useless too and I won¡¯t back down. Alexi keeps ncing my way and he¡¯s


    making me nervous. His weird behaviour, pacing like a caged animal in my small space, the unusual


    quiet and even letting Mico take over when ites to enforcing what he wants. This is not how he is


    and I don¡¯t trust either of them at this moment. Team tagging me to try and sway me toe back. I


    don¡¯t believe for a minute that I am that important. There is always an angle ¡­ always a motive. Not


    always obvious, but I can guarantee there is one.


    ¡®I have work in the morning. I need to try and get some sleep before then. Just get my head down for


    an hour at least. Thank you for this ¡­ really ¡­ thank you.¡¯ I nod at the other room and impulsively


    squeeze his hand back before letting it gopletely. d to be free of the contact.


    It¡¯s not that I am not grateful; I just need them to leave and let me lie down. I¡¯m weary, hot with an


    impending fever and emotionally fraught. This whole thing has been a huge ordeal, and I am still


    suffering the after-effects of a knock to the brain which is making me feel sick and dizzy.


    Last thing I expected was a Carrero invasion, and now I am definitely suffering the effects of that.


    ¡®Don¡¯t change your number or run off anywhere in a hurry. You have no idea how hard we have been


    looking for you these past months, Meghan.¡¯ Mico smiles at me this time, amused by my name choice,


    back to friendly and reliable henchman and I smile too.


    ¡®You don¡¯t think it suits me?¡¯ I nudge his shoulder with mine, rxing in the moment and remembering


    all the reasons I missed this guy. Thatck of danger around him, that solid safety knowing he is not my


    enemy in any way, shape or form, and having a genuine friend and ally at times that I can honestly


    rx with.


    ¡®No, neither does the hair.¡¯


    I shrug at that, not willing to admit that funds forced that more than animosity did and catch sight of


    Alexi watching me from the other room, watching us, silently.


    He¡¯s leaning against the far wall with one foot propped up behind him, his phone in his hand as though


    he¡¯s texting, yet his eyes are on me. When he catches me looking back, he gives me a small smile,


    enough to freak me outpletely. It¡¯s a half smile, not his usual smirk, and somehow strangely soft.


    It¡¯s almost as though for a moment he was trying to be warm and endearing. I look away again not sure


    what that was. Inner waves of cold mistrust sweep through me.


    It was not his usual sardonic or calcting look; it seemed, dare I say it, for a moment ¡­pletely


    genuine like he was happy to see me.


    I must be high; I am so much sicker than I thought.


    ¡®Right ¡­ get out of here. Let a girl sleep. I¡¯m sure you guys have made this ce like a fortress


    already.¡¯ I shove Mico¡¯s shoulder, keeping my eyes averted from that devil out there, and exhale with


    relief when he does get up to go and pulls the door with him.


    ¡®We¡¯ll let ourselves out when we are done. Windows won¡¯t take long and we shall try and be quiet.


    Seriously, think about it Cami ¡­ Please.¡¯


    ¡®Go!¡¯ I throw the nearest cushion at the door and he yanks it shut to dodge it, leaving me alone atst


    with a final click as he closes it tight. I slump backwards on the bed and let my arms fall out in a star


    shape, finally able to just stop and fall to bits ¡­ exhaustion hitting me hard.


    I know they will mill about out there till the job is done, but in here I am going to sleep. I can forget all


    about them and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.


    I have so much to process and yet all I want to do is close my eyes and forget all of this.


    I have no money.


    I have no way out of this dump.I do have an offer though ¡­ even if I have no intention of taking


    it.

 Chapter 89

    Chapter 89


    I push through the door of the diner exactly three and a half minuteste due to the fact my train was


    dyed, and I then had to run to get here in half the time. I¡¯m out of breath, lungs on fire and sweating


    like crazy, not just from exertion, but that damn flu has overtaken with a vengeance. My emotional state


    is fragile to say the least and I am running on empty.


    I can¡¯t stop sneezing, my nose is pouring and I have a throat like razor des, walking around with that


    awful cotton wool head. On top of that I have a killer headache from my face and I just feel like death


    warmed up.


    I got maybe an hour and forty minutes of sleep before my rm went off and I had to drag my sorry


    arse back up. Judging by the still hot, half-drunk takeaway coffee sat on my counter, Mico and Alexi


    must have left not long before I woke.


    It was a surreal feeling to get up to an organised room and new shiny locks and bolts on every possible


    avenue into the apartment. I must have passed out pretty quickly too. I woke up to my bedroom door


    sitting open with its own shiny lock inside and the room around me a little less chaotic. Someone had


    even fixed my bedclothes and pulled an extra nket from my chair to ce over the ones I had over


    me in the frosty room. I am guessing Mico. Although something in my gut reminded me of the times


    Alexi did that exact thing in the club apartment and I brush it aside.


    I hate him and he hates me.


    That¡¯s the end of that story!


    I had to leave my spare uniform to soak in the sink this morning as I forgot to do itst night, and then


    got pissed when I opened my front door to find an undeniable Carrero security guard sat on a chair


    outside; ck-suited and booted and reading a newspaper as though this was a normal daily


    urrence.


    I almost had an epic rage-fuelled meltdown that he left me a bloody bouncer to watch over me. Typical


    god damn Alexi! Although, he did have fresh coffee and hot croissants for me, and offered me a lift to


    work, which I refused. I sent him packing back to his kingpin and told him that if he bothers me with his


    henchmen again, I will just move and change my name.


    I hope he gets the message. I don¡¯t need this today.


    Pressuring me and reminding me of what it¡¯s like to be back in the fold of Carrero. I¡¯m not an idiot. I


    know what he¡¯s doing.


    ¡®You¡¯rete!!¡¯ Joe is on my arse as soon as he gets a whiff of my appearance through the door and then


    gawps in horror when he catches sight of me.


    Way to boost my confidence!


    ¡®What the fuck? You can¡¯t work looking like that! You look horrendous!¡¯ He rages at me, eyes bulging


    out of his veiny forehead. As though getting roughed up is somehow my fault and I curb the urge to


    promptly stick my fingers up at him.


    ¡®Doesn¡¯t stop Lorraineing in every day,¡¯ I answer tartly and get a snarl from her in the corner as


    she wipes down a table. I throw her a catty wink and give zero shits that she¡¯s offended. I know the


    bitch hates on me at every opportunity and there is no love lost between us. I pick up her ck


    constantly.


    ¡®Funny! Get your ass over here. You can work in the kitchen with me instead and Lacey can serve. I am


    not having you on the floor looking that shit.¡¯


    Lacey being his wife who spends most of her time filing her nails while sat on her arse in the office, so I


    don¡¯t see that happening. The kitchen is about the size of a postage stamp so if he has ideas of a cosy


    afternoon stuck in Sweats Ville with him, he has another thinging. It¡¯s a retro diner in the smallest


    space ever and his kitchen constantly stinks of Joe¡¯s sweat and fried foods.


    No thank you!


    ¡®A sore face doesn¡¯t mean I am incapable of carrying trays. Get over it; I¡¯ll chuck some concealer on. It


    looks worse than it is.¡¯ I sigh and throw my hands on my hips in a bid to stand my ground. I may not


    feel the part today but I won¡¯t let him push me around. I had enough of that from Alexi. He has certainly


    woken Cami up for sure, and she is rearing a tired head.


    ¡®You will do as you are told and work in here. I won¡¯t have my customers made ufortable by the


    mess of your face.¡¯


    ¡®Is the issue that I¡¯m not fuckable today? Or do your customers keep their women tied to the kitchen


    sink when they have gotten out of line and required a smack? Afraid of the bacsh? Looking bad to


    your men folk?¡¯ I sass at him, tongue operating without thought and for once, I don¡¯t care. She has kept


    silent long enough in this hellhole. My temper is very frail and easy to rile this morning.


    ¡®Shut up and get over here,¡¯ Joe snaps at me, and despite the urge to tell him to go fuck himself I


    obediently do as I am told. I am more than aware of my financial situation and I should keep that at the


    forefront of my mind today, even if the urge is to stab him in the face. I just need to keep my mouth shut


    and get this shift over with, so I can at least use today¡¯s tips to get home and back tomorrow.


    My phone vibrates in my bag as I walk to the kitchen to dump it and my jacket on the staff hangers and


    nce at it quickly as I hang my things up. It¡¯s Mico. And despite myself, I smile and open the


    message.


    ¡®Still know how to rile him. You never change. M X¡¯


    I guess their security took my message back to his boss already and Alexi is having himself a little


    temper tantrum. I can¡¯t help but feel a little smug, a grin spreading over my face with major satisfaction


    at the thought of it, and I giggle to myself. I can still piss him off with minimum effort and it feels good.


    I reply quickly, ncing over my shoulder to make sure Joe doesn¡¯t catch me texting on the clock and


    send Mico my response.


    ¡®Alexi still knows how to be a controlling arsehole. I¡¯m not the one who needs to change. X¡¯


    I feel satisfied with that reply and bury my phone back in my cheap handbag and leave it on silent.


    Despite the sore face and impending death from the lurgy, I have, it makes me feel a little chipper in my


    mood. Annoying Alexi is almost as good as finding a bonus in my pay cheque. It never gets old. He is


    too easy to trigger when you know how.


    I throw on the apron hanging on the door that has probably not seen a washer in months and tie it on


    tightly; prepping myself for a gruelling day in the hell zone he calls a kitchen. I try and avoid this most


    days as it¡¯s hotter than hell, greasy and smoky and has the added insult of banging against Joe every


    time he moves. No doubt I will be posted on dishwasher duty or vegetable chopper but it¡¯s better than


    being sent home and losing a day¡¯s pay.


    God knows I need the money now, more than ever.


    Such is the crappiness of my life.


    An hour to go and I get to leave.


    It¡¯s been a day I won¡¯t forget, and I am dead on my feet. My head is swimming fromck of sleep ¡­


    completely saturated with illness. I am sicker than a dying dog, trying not to cough and sneeze every


    two minutes, and that letch has rubbed up against me for the umpteenth time while apparently walking


    to the refrigerator. I cringe as his sweaty clunky body presses me against the sink again, painfully


    banging my pelvic bone against the steel ridge that sticks out, and I know it¡¯s going to leave a bruise. It


    more than riles my temper which has been hanging by a thread for hours;pletely snaps it when


    this time a hand slides across my arse as he does so, copping a grope and leaning against me as he


    cages me in. I freeze, breathing out slowly to control the rage burning inside of me and try not to react.


    ¡®Cosy in here, huh?¡¯ He whispers hoarsely into the back of my hair as everything in me goes on


    ultimate high alert at having a man wedged behind me. Anxiety biting and mping my chest down


    heavily as my limbs tighten defensively.


    All day I have been elbow deep in dirty water and greasy tes, inhaling overly fried food and choking


    on smoke from the grill by the back door. All day being barked at and yelled at because I wasn¡¯t fast


    enough, in his way, or generally there to be abused, and now he has the nerve to slide a hand up my


    dress.


    That¡¯s all it takes. One little tiny insult to the mass of injuries I have suffered for months ¡­


    metaphorically of course.


    One creepy slimy hand inching up my naked legs and between my thighs as he moves closer to my


    stiffened posture, breathing down my neck like some escaped psychopath and I finally lose my shit in


    major Cami style.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    I can¡¯t stand people standing so close behind me, and I definitely cannot stand men thinking I¡¯m a free


    grope whenever they have the horn.


    I¡¯m so sick of this shit!


    I turn on him violently, bringing the pot out of the suds filled lukewarm water I have my hands in, and


    smack him in the face with it as I turn aggressively, catching him on his big ugly pointy beak. It¡¯s aimed


    but I act like it¡¯s idental.


    It¡¯s a knee-jerk reaction that results in an instant messy explosion of his nose as he drops to his knees


    and starts cradling his face through muffled grunts. Blood pouring beautifully down his chin as though


    he just got a facial period.


    ¡®Sorry I didn¡¯t see you there.¡¯ I snap sarcastically, knowing without a doubt I just screwed myself over


    and I am so fired. It¡¯s just that after seeing Alexi this morning, and dealing with all his shit, this is the


    last thing on Earth I have the ability to deal with anymore. The boy riled me up tight and put me down to


    uncoil at whoever was closest for the bacsh. I¡¯ll me him for this ¡­ he deserves the me for


    everything that goes wrong with me nowadays.


    ¡®You fucking bitch! ¡­ You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!¡¯ He squeals like a pig as he crawls around


    the floor in sheer shock of what I just did, grabbing for something to stem the flow. I wish I could say I


    felt a little remorse, but I don¡¯t.


    I dry my hands slowly and carefully on my apron, remaining calm and precise with my mannerisms,


    while he kneels in his own bloody mess and tries to stop the blood with a dirty rag from the nearby


    counter I saw him using on spilled fish guts earlier. pping it around and wing at his face as tears


    and pain envelop his skull. I feel absolutely no remorse whatsoever.


    In fact, it feels freeing and lifts everything bad about my sullen temperament today.


    Lorraine ducks her head over the server counter and stares in as Lacey appears at the kitchen door


    blinking at themotion. I honestly never saw the attraction between them, Lacey as his wife. She¡¯s


    short, round and grey-haired with a pinched face and way too many wrinkles if she is the same age as


    him. I doubt he porks her anymore as even for him, she is hideous.


    I know half his customers can hear him wailing like a little bitch and I should get out while I can, but I


    have gone past the point of caring. I think I did that four hours ago when he ¡®identally¡¯ brushed my


    breast with his hand when he reached over me for a saltshaker. This has been a slow build all day of


    having enough, fuelled by the memories of a grey-eyed Carrero when he woke up my inner beast.


    ¡®Well you should learn to keep your hands to yourself. I¡¯m not Lorraine, and I am not interested in


    letting your putrid tiny dick anywhere near me when Lacey is out of the shop. Oh, by the way ¡­ I quit.


    You can ram your job up your arse you sanctimonious slimy wanker.¡¯


    I lift that defiant chin, finding a morsel of Cami pride inside of me, English ent on full assault


    despite them never hearing it and push past the hulking great b of a man as he cowers on the floor,


    over dramatizing his injury. It¡¯s a broken nose, hardly the end of the world, and I have had way more


    painful things to cope with than that. He¡¯s a big guy; he should have a better pain threshold than this.


    Lacey looks about set to self-implode, her face puce with impending explosion, and is more interested


    in ring at Lorraine than what I just did to her so-called better half or my change in ent. Choking


    back fury as I swipe my coat and bag from behind her, I make my way past to leave them to it.


    ¡®Lorraine has been fucking Joe?¡¯ She spits it at me as though looking for confirmation to what she just


    heard,plete shock on that manly gob of hers, and I nod with a disgusted look stered on my


    face.


    ¡®Gross, isn¡¯t it? I don¡¯t know which one repulses me more, and the sight of the two of them banging in


    therder every Thursday put me off eating from here ever again. Guess I won¡¯t be back. Oh, maybe


    think about throwing out the frozen pig in the freezer, Lorraine let him fuck her up the arse over it. I¡¯m


    not sure if the pig joined in, but it certainly sounded like it.¡¯ I smile innocently and take great delight in


    the beetroot hue that floods her face as a vein pops out at me from her throbbing forehead.


    I am done.


    That was like a little cherry on top!


    I hightail it out the back exit to avoid the customers and Lorraine witnessing all out horrific murder and


    smirk when I hear Lacey erupt in a demonic rage as the door swings shut behind me. I would love to be


    a fly on the wall when she exacts her revenge on his cheating arse, but I now need to figure out what I


    am doing for cash. Closing them out as the cool New York air fans the heat out of my bones and brings


    my attention to how sweaty and greasy I am. I need a shower, badly, and a change of clothes.


    I take a deep breath, enjoying the air for a moment until harsh reality hits home and bursts my little


    momentary happier bubble.


    I have no job, probably won¡¯t see a dime of this week¡¯s wages after that and no way to pay my rent in


    three days¡¯ time. I have three dors to my name from the bottom of my bag and nothing worthy of


    selling in my arsenal of personal effects to even scrape together money in a rush. I can¡¯t even pay for


    the subway home and I am nowhere near able to walk that far back to my apartment. When I do get


    there, I have no food anymore, thanks to a screwed refrigerator turning what I had bad and I haven¡¯t


    eaten all day due to feeling unwell. It¡¯s probably why I am so light-headed, on top of the heat.


    I throw on my jacket and put my head down and head towards the route that leads to home. Not sure


    how I am going to get there unless I walk the few miles. It¡¯s not like I have a choice and I have to keep


    my meagre three dors for emergencies.


    I resign myself to the fact this is happening and head homewards.

 Chapter 90

    Chapter 90


    I walk until I feel like I can¡¯t anymore, not that I have got very far, and sit on a bench to try and regain


    some of my energy. Tired, fed up and drumming my brain on what I should do. My body is in no fit state


    for a hike, and I am so breathless and faint that walking all the way home looks like it¡¯s going to take


    hours. I am moving at a snail¡¯s pace.


    I still have to pick up a paper and start scanning the ads for a new job, figure out how the hell to keep


    myndlord at bay without resorting to oral pleasure and get home before it gets dark and too dodgy to


    be out and about my own neighbourhood.


    I am so stressed out already that the thought of curling up on this bench and going to sleep seems like


    a much better option. I have already lost all the excess heat from being in a steam room all morning,


    and I am starting to shiver as my body adjusts to being outside¡ªwhich only serves to make me feel


    worse in general.


    I pull out my phone to see if I have any inte data left, in the hopes of doing a local job search for


    something that might interview this afternoon and give me a closer destination to aim for. I see a text


    waiting instead.


    It¡¯s from Mico.


    ¡®Just remember, the offer will still stand no matter how long you take to think about it. We are at the


    club for the next few days. M X¡¯


    I am guessing this was his reply to my earlier message and has been sat waiting.


    I sigh as I read it, absent-mindedly chew my lip and drop my phone into myp inplete frustration,


    blowing out air. My mind is in overdrive at my predicament and seeing the possibility of a solution as I


    start picking at my chipped nails.


    The club is closer to me than home is, and maybe if I swing by and ask for Mico, he can drive me back


    to my apartment¡ªonest favour before I cut ties once more and send him on his way. His text


    changes nothing. My mind is already made up on that front but I know what he¡¯s like. If I go there to


    see him and say thanks for my apartment, he will offer to take me home without me asking. I know he


    will, especially if they are trying to keep me sweet and consider the offer.


    I sit and hum over it for a few minutes, really torn about going there but the grey skies moving overhead


    and the distant rumble of thunder make up my mind for me.


    I can¡¯t sit out here in a storm. I¡¯m already sick enough, and if I start walking, I won¡¯t be halfway home


    before I get soaked through and probably pass out with the effort.


    I also happen to have a major fear of lightning and the crackling sky fills me with a huge sense of


    foreboding. I have many memories of hiding under beds during raging thunder and lightning storms and


    it still makes me shake. The pping, snapping sh of that high volt dagger like energy and being


    stuck in it is not my idea of a fun walk.


    The club is maybe three blocks at the most, practically on my doorstep when I worked here, and if I


    move my arse, I might get there before the rainshes down on me and puts me out of action for


    longer.


    It¡¯s mid-afternoon and chances are that Alexi might not even be there. I mean, he is a busy guy after


    all. Mico is a phone call away and would easily make one of the club staff drive me if he isn¡¯t able to


    see me.


    I really just need to get home and think about what I am going to do from here on in. I have to make


    three dors stretch food wise until I can get a cash-in-hand position somewhere fast and it¡¯s not really


    asking him for more help if I show up and he offers. So, it¡¯s not like I am abusing his kindness really.


    The p of lightning in the far distance makes me jump a mile high, heart somersaulting and


    hammering like a war drum and motivates me to move. I get up and walk south at speed, even with a


    tired body and woozy head. One thing that has always made me jumpy is exposure to full-blown


    storms. Nothing will energise you like fear does.


    I stand outside the main door of Club Carrero and stare at the sinister cked out building with major


    trepidation, like I am walking into the lion¡¯s den. My heart in my mouth and my hands wringing one


    another nervously as I try to find the courage inside of me to walk on up. I feel like I have run a


    marathon, even though I only walked for twenty minutes.


    It looks exactly the same as it did all those months ago, yet seems alien to me now; so muchrger and


    more imposing. I have been trying to drum up the nerve to go to the door and press the inte to


    alert someone to my presence. I just cannot seem to find it in me.


    I keep looking up at the ck tinted windows on the other floors and wondering if he is here.


    Wondering if they can see me standing like some lost little idiot andughing at how easy it was to lure


    me back. I feel so stupid and out of ce.


    The sides of the building are sporting new high metal fencing with cameras pointed this way, so you


    can no longer ess the rear with a vehicle, or on foot. There are heavy thick wire coils across the


    tops to stop people climbing over, and from here I can¡¯t tell which cars are in the private car lot behind;


    He has closed down entry like Fort Knox, and minimised ess to anywhere but the front door.


    I guess that invasion by Santagato¡¯s man, and then mine, made him rethink the security of his building


    in my absence. He really has upped the ante and I wonder who mans all the cameras facing my way


    and if I should just wave at them.


    I lose my couragepletely, as the realisation at how weak this looks hits me, and turn to leave in


    utter defeat, shamefaced. Fifteen minutes of staring at this building and I just cannot do it. Even if I am


    desperate for a lift home, I can¡¯t make myself walk up those stairs and press that buzzer.


    I feel like a moron, cursing myself out for still being this feeble when ites to him. I thought I was


    stronger, especially after already seeing him and head awaypletely downhearted. My n in ruins


    and now I have to walk in the opposite direction for a longer trek back home.


    Stupid girl!


    ¡®London?¡¯ The voice halts me, my heart jumping through my chest at the unexpectedness of it and I


    nce back in as much surprise as reaction as his voice draws me to the door.


    Alexi is standing in the open doorway, obviously saw me on those infernal cameras, and now I¡¯m


    standing here like a rabbit in the headlights and feel incredibly ufortable.


    He just looks like he always does ¡­ far too gorgeous, groomed,id back and smooth for my liking.


    Prick obviously waited to see what I would do before ending my agony. Another reminder of why I


    dislike the tosser.


    ¡®Alexi!¡¯ I don¡¯t know what else to say; words evading me when faced with him in the harsh light of day


    once more, and my stomach starts doing strange little lurches and dives. I put it down to hunger and


    ignore it ¡­ even when my palms instantly m up.


    ¡®Youing in?¡¯ He moves aside and nods to the dark doorway. It¡¯s impossible to see anything inside


    from here and I nce from him to the open space in hesitation. I don¡¯t actually know what to do now


    that he¡¯s opened it.


    Being faced with him, seemingly acting human for once, and rain beginning to gently pitter-patter on my


    head and face makes me look back to the street and then again at him¡ªtorn with indecision.


    He looks good, dare I say it. Dressed all in ck, a shirt and trousers with a tie that is barely noticeable


    as it blends in. He has gone for the tone-on-tone look with this and it is pretty devastating to see him in


    old Carrero uniform. ck is, and always will be, his colour. It entuates that jet hair and those very


    pale wolf-like eyes set in natural olive skin.


    Alexi of this morning was casual and a little less intimidating. Tailored has always been where he is at


    his most formidable because he has a body that can pull off the angles and suits. It¡¯s a great look,


    usual for him and looking a little too intimidating for a weekday while I am stood in my dirty, cheap


    nylon, cotton-blended mini dress covered in stains.


    ¡®I wanted to see Mico about something.¡¯ I stammer, losing my cool and making a shit attempt at


    confident and brassy.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t facially react, just pushes his hands into his pockets and leans back against the door


    frame casually, entuating his masculine mannerisms and body. His eyes never leaving mine. It


    opens his jacket to show off the subtle lines of his waistcoat in his three-piece and I blink to dislodge


    my eyeballs from what that body looks like naked, jarred by the return of familiar. I still remember every


    detail ¡­ annoyingly so.


    ¡®He¡¯s upstairs in the office. Anything I can do for you?¡¯


    He seems still to be that weird vibe of strange today. The over politeness andck of domineering prick


    is making me instantly alert and wary and I eye him suspiciously. ncing up at the windows and


    wondering if Mico really is up there. I second guess the likelihood that Alexi would go as far as locking


    me in his club if I dared to venture in and keep me a prisoner until the end of my days, and realise I am


    being stupid. Even if he did try, Mico would let me go again. He¡¯s not the same kind of arsehole as his


    cousin. He wouldn¡¯t allow him to tie me up and lord over me in that way. Not after what happenedst


    time.


    ¡®Cam ¡­ I¡¯m not going to throw you in my damp musty dungeon as some sort of sex ve.¡¯ His amused


    voice yanks me out of my daydream. It¡¯s like Alexi reads my thoughts and I throw him a frown as


    though it¡¯s thest thing that would ever cross my mind. Unnerved that he can still read minds,


    especially mine.


    ¡®I thought little boudoirs of chains and whips were more your style,¡¯ I jest automatically, harsh-toned and


    defensive and soften when he breaks into a smile that seems genuine¡ªcatching me off guard with it.


    Not an Alexi, smug prick smile, or even a scious arsehole one; just a smile that brings out his


    dimples and softens those pale grey eyes to look less sinister.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    For a moment, it¡¯s easy to forget what a wanker he can be when he looks human and dare I say it,


    handsome. I have to remind myself that a good bone structure and effortless style is not the way to


    measure a man¡¯s character¡­ especially in rtion to him. Alexi may have the swoon genes, but he


    clearly missed the queue for decent person. He has no soul.


    ¡®Only with consent. So as long as you don¡¯t ask me to take you upstairs and tie you up, then you should


    be fineing in.¡¯ He smiles again, charming and disarming and I narrow my eyes suspiciously.


    ¡®Is that a funny? Are you making jokes? Have you fallen and banged your head?¡¯ My hands find their


    hips of their own ord and I take up my familiar Cami stance. I may not look the part, but he always


    finds her in the ruins. It¡¯s bing a skill with him.


    I mean really, this is not the Alexi I was expecting to encounter, and I have no trust in whatever this odd


    behaviour is. It¡¯s almost like I am meeting him for the first time and we have no history between us. If I


    didn¡¯t know him better, I would actually think he was a decent general Joe and not the sadistic tosser I


    know he can be.


    ¡®In or out, London? I haven¡¯t taken up a new hobby of being a doorman. I don¡¯t have the patience


    required.¡¯ Another smile, all white straight teeth and mischievous flickers in that look.


    I forgot about this side to him. His borderline yful and sometimes tolerable side.

 Chapter 91

    Chapter 91


    ¡®When you put it like that.¡¯ I cross my arms as though I have every intention of standing here all day


    and he sighs, moving off the frame and pulls the door with him with a look of ¡®Okay then.¡¯


    ¡®Knock when you want in. I¡¯m busy.¡¯ He makes a move to shut the door and I gawp in disbelief, angered


    at his arseholeness, and then lose my stubborn immediately as it gets dangerously close to being shut


    and lightning ps the sky overhead. A spark of intense light and head snapping crack above me that


    makes me yelp out. Heart attack imminent as rain follows in a sudden sh downpour.


    ¡®Wait!¡¯ I half squeak half yell it at him as I make a dash forward, forgetting all resistance and run for


    safety, ducking down as though I may be struck at a distance by that bolt of scary in the sky and getting


    sodden for my efforts. I hate that he made me fold, well the weather did, and as the door swings open


    slowly again to amodate me getting in beside him this time, I see that smug face of the yer I


    know and despise.


    ¡®You¡¯re a wanker,¡¯ I retort at him, stomping up the stairs and waltz past him haughtily. Refusing to look


    him in the eye as I get in the door and shake the water from my thin jacket automatically. I hadn¡¯t


    bargained on bad weather, so I am wearing the thinnest of summer jackets that¡¯s taken the brunt of it.


    ¡®So you keep telling me.¡¯ He follows me into the dark club, dim after the bright daylight outside, and I


    skirt ahead trying to get my eyes to adjust before he gets too close. Stepping down the low stairs to the


    sunken floor of the centre of the bar, onto the plush carpeting which makes my feet sink into it


    deliciously. I look around, blinking as my eyes adjust to the dullness.


    I notice immediately that things seem different somehow. I can¡¯t quite put my finger on it at a nce,


    but there¡¯s definitely enough of a change to make my hackles rise and my eyes start scouring walls,


    chairs and the bar to try and see what it is that¡¯s making me pause. The initial overwhelming feeling at


    being back in my space, my first real home, is short-lived as gut instinct takes over and pushes me to


    start inspecting protectively. This was my pce and something is off.


    So many conflicting emotions at being back here and it hits me with a soft pain in the chest just how


    much I missed this ce. A sob catching in my throat at all that is around me, screaming at me to


    come home. I have to steady my trembling hands against my t stomach, and for once, something


    other than Alexi affects me on every level. My club has more presence for me right now than he does,


    and I am distressed with a feeling that it¡¯s somehow suffering and calling to me. I feel like the long-lost


    child who has finallye back into the arms of its mother. Well, not my mother, she was batshit crazy


    ¡­ Mother club.


    The room is still dark and glossy with the same seating and general ouy, but the walls don¡¯t seem


    right. The colour seems brighter in theck of overhead lighting, and in fact, theck of light makes me


    look up to see why it is so dim in here. There¡¯s a weird fogginess to the room which kills the cosy


    atmosphere I spent hours creating.


    ¡®What is that?¡¯ I point up at the ugly globe light thing in the ce of the crystal chandelier I hand-picked


    for this room as I cross the marble floor and fix my eyes to the distasteful intruder. It¡¯s barely enough to


    see where you are walking, let alone light this room. It also looks ridiculous in this d¨¦cor and minute on


    such a vast ceiling that demands grandeur and opulence. It¡¯s like a scar on the dark paintwork.


    ¡®We had a flood from the new sprinkler system, and had to change out some fixtures and fittings,


    repaint the walls. There was a lot of cosmetic damage that took a few weeks to put right again.¡¯ Alexi


    offers in way of answer.


    That¡¯s it! The walls are a different shade, even in this light I can tell and that thing over my head is


    dreadful and out of ce. The reason it feels like my club is different is because it¡¯s a paleparison


    to what I built. It¡¯s been repaired, replicated, yet somehow not. They changed things, made it look


    thrown together and cheap and it smarts like a bugger. My heart wounded stupidly.


    ¡®You picked that?¡¯ I point up at it and Alexi looks up too, shrugging as he scans the fixture and looks


    back at me as though he doesn¡¯t understand my obsession with a light fixture.This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I was the one who poured over the finer details, not him. He never understood my OCD when it came


    to finding the right things to go in these rooms, or my inability to settle for apromise in d¨¦cor


    choices. He left me in charge for that very reason.


    ¡®I left it all to Joanne. I wasn¡¯t here.¡¯ He answers inplete disinterest, unable to see what¡¯s wrong


    with this picture. Annoying me immensely and setting my teeth on edge.


    No wonder his stupid club is failing, if they ignore what makes it high ss and appealing and rece


    things with inferior alternatives which kill the ambience.


    I stop my pacing as something else catches my eye, halting in outrage impulsively, as Alexi walks right


    into the back of me with a thud that makes me yelp. Colliding ungracefully and hurting my arse and


    shoulder as his hard figure hits me with minor assault.


    ¡®Sorry ¡­ Don¡¯t stop suddenly.¡¯ He snaps usingly, throws me a shady look and moves to my side; I


    just turn on him, anger simmering from the depths of somewhere and square up to him furiously. Not


    caring about how close he is or that he did, in fact, move from behind me without being asked ¡ª I have


    more important issues to pick with him.


    That bitch took down the club name from the fucking wall. The name I picked and had made into a


    large ornate gold-carved oval which used to have pride of ce in the centre of the bar wall. It¡¯s gone


    and some disgusting modern art of people fucking hangs in its ce. It¡¯s putrid!


    ¡®Let me get this straight ¡­ you let that ssless Walmart reject make d¨¦cor decisions on your million-


    dor night club because ¡­ you were busy? You let HER take control of important decisions which


    affect the look and feel of your high-ss gentleman¡¯s club? Then you have the nerve to act like it¡¯s


    nothing!¡¯ I almost spell it out at him, the venom evident in my voice, anger bubbling in my veins at high


    temperature levels and I can barely contain the shaking inside of me. He just blinks at me as though I


    have lost the plot.


    This club was my sweat and soul and Alexi spent as much time as me pouring over details for the high-


    ss finish he wanted. It took weeks of one-on-one conversation, magazines, design boards and


    endless shopping trips where I maxed out his credit cards.


    He means to tell me that when it needed repairs, he let that trailer park tramp pick out this crap from a


    dor mart catalogue, because he just didn¡¯t have the time to care?


    I think I may just flip my shit.


    ¡®I was busy. I have more important things to do in my week than deal with this.¡¯ He lookspletely


    unfazed and indifferent. I nch at his uneptable answer and frown furiously. Heart beating hard as


    my temper soars and I try to take steady calming breaths to control the fiery pit threatening to consume


    me.


    Oh my fucking God, he makes my blood boil.


    ¡®What else has she ruined? What other crass choices has she made and thrown on MY fucking club? ¡¯ I


    throw my hands on my hips, that fierce in meing out because I am damn protective of this ce,


    and the thought of that skanky bitch undoing all my hard work in one fell swoop has me eating broken


    ss. I hate that snivelling prat with a vengeance and she just gave me a reason to want her to choke.


    Now I¡¯m raging and engulfed in pure venom. My eyes tearing everything apart manically and I inhale as


    a smell lingers around me that I noticeding in, but didn¡¯t analyse until now.


    It smells damp and musty in here as though it¡¯s gone unaired for months. I start sniffing through my


    blocked and bunged up nose, like a crazy person, and Alexi lifts aical brow at me studying my


    behaviour.


    ¡®Look, Cam, there was a flood and she took care of it. I haven¡¯t stopped to ask what that entailed, just


    paid the bills and let her get on with it. Truth be told, this is the first time I have been here in months


    and really haven¡¯t had time to evaluate it.¡¯ Alexi sounds defensive, as though answering to me rather


    than exining, and seems hesitant. I don¡¯t care how odd he is being, I am livid with him. He was


    meant to look after this ce. He has let it turn to ruins. This was OUR baby, our joint pet project.


    ¡®You¡¯re an idiot. I can¡¯t believe you didn¡¯t care enough to even keep tabs on this or bothered to make


    the decisions at all. What the fuck is wrong with you?¡¯ I am so enraged I cannot even contain it and


    Alexi is acting like this is no big deal, like he just doesn¡¯t get how much I loved this ce. I adored, held


    close, was proud of and worshipped these walls. It was mine ¡­ it was ours ¡­ and now it stinks.


    Where the fuck is my bloody Club logo?


    That thing cost three grand and weighs about ten kilos. If that bitch has tossed it, I will break her


    fucking face.


    I throw down my jacket and bag on the floor, roll my sleeves up to inspect, for myself, just how much


    she has abused my rooms. I storm off towards the bar to examine it more closely, gawping and


    nching at the rows of cheap booze on the smeared ss shelves¡ªDusty, dirty, unloved and


    covered in spiges. I feel sick at the sight of it all.


    I waltz to the end, flip up the hatch and walk behind the bar on a mission, rage fuelling me now and


    ignoring how sick and tired I was when I arrived. I run my finger along the front of the bottles, across


    surfaces and ssware and grit my teeth at the ck and encrusted dusty finger I pull back. The dust


    which clings to my skin makes me simmer like a demon from hell.


    ¡®Have you seen this? The ce is fucking filthy!! What¡¯s with this booze? What the hell are you serving


    this shit for? It¡¯s cheap and nasty and would be the same as serving your clientele battery acid!¡¯ I swipe


    up a bottle of middle-grade whisky and wave it in the air towards him, wielding it like a weapon and


    m it down on the surface harshly when all he does is continue silently to watch me get myself


    worked up into a tornado of fury. Annoyingly vacant in a casual pose.


    This is crap he would never even serve his staff, not even the lowest paid, let alone his prized clientele.


    It is cheap tat and looking around I can see most of the drinks have been reced with mediocre


    quality booze and nothing looks clean at all. In fact, there are smears on every polished surface and


    the very floor I am standing on is stained and sticky below my feet. Tears bite my eyes and I swallow


    down a huge lump in my throat at the ipetence of the people I left behind to keep this ce afloat.


    He should fire every fucking one of them!


    He crosses his arms over his chest and stands immobile in the centre of the floor watching me, that


    facepletely deadpan and I turn back to the rows of bottles in front of me getting madder with every


    label I can see.


    ¡®If she isn¡¯t keeping up the hygiene on the bar what¡¯s the bet the rooms are a fucking disgrace, and


    what is that rank smell? Alexi, what the fuck have you let her do? Did everything I implemented get


    thrown out the door along with me?¡¯ I snap at him, unable to keep the hysterical heartbreak out of my


    voice, and he at least has the sense to look down and sigh.


    My blood is boiling as I pull out sses which are smudged and still dirty with residue of lipstick too. I


    m them on the marble top noticing the bloody thing is covered in gouges and scratches, and run my


    hand over it angrily to feel out what I maybe cannot see. Leaning down to look across the surface in the


    shittiest light ever and smack my palm on it when I see more along the top of the full length of it. One


    long scrape from three feet down all the way to the end as though something heavy was dragged along


    it.


    ¡®Waste of Italian fucking marble. Look at this shit! You didn¡¯t pay a crap load to let the staff treat it like a


    chopping board.¡¯


    I am on rant mode and Alexi is not saying a word anymore, just letting me get it out it seems.


    I can¡¯t contain it. Storming out and heading straight for the first of the rooms like a hellcat on fire and


    almost kick it open when it jams slightly. The door frame warped, no doubt from water damage she


    hasn¡¯t seen fit to get reced, and I am faced with a room that stinks of damp, sweat and sex that


    makes me gag. A wave of nauseating smell hits me in the face like opening a furnace door; I turn my


    head and almost puke. Putrid air and visible uncleanliness, dim lighting that adds a grubby hue to


    everything in here. I can see a dirty vibrator peeking out under the corner of the bed, which has stained


    with filthy sheets from weeks of sex and God knows what else, and that¡¯s more than enough for me.


    Bile continues to rise in my throat at the sheer pain from seeing my hard work has turned to absolute


    shit. She is a dirty bitch who has let this ce be infested with filth.


    I turn on him in the worst mood I have ever been in my life. All rational thoughts and feelings have been


    left in the middle of the floor, and I am so close to bursting into tears that I cannot contain it anymore.


    ¡®I can¡¯t handle this ¡­ that¡¯s disgusting. Have you smelled that room? I bet the rest are worse ¡­ How


    could you let it get like this? Why don¡¯t you care?¡¯


    My voice breaks as one silent tear escapes and trickles down my face. The thought she could single-


    handily destroy something I took so much pride and joy in makes me feel sick to my stomach. It¡¯s all I


    ever had in my life that made me feel worthy of being someone else. It¡¯s where I put all my effort into


    doing something I could have pride in! I was more than a broken prostitute within these walls.


    ¡®Cam ¡­ I wasn¡¯t here, this is all news to me too. I didn¡¯t know it was this bad.¡¯ Alexi is on the defensive


    again, tone low as he looks around the room with a fresh eye and shakes his head as ites to rest


    on a broken mirror on the far wall. He doesn¡¯t look pleased and seems abnormally sombre and guilty.


    Finally, he is seeing what I am and having some sort of reaction, although it¡¯s nowhere near as intense


    as mine. I want to curl up and bawl my eyes out.


    One of the huge custom-made gold gilded mirrors, cracked right along its ten-foot centre, has been left


    hanging up there like that would ever be eptable. Not only is it horrendous to see but if that ss


    fell out of that frame, it would kill somebody. I can only guess at how out of hand the nights in here


    have been getting if they smashed one of the mirrors mid-party. Joanne doesn¡¯t give a toss about this


    ce¡ªevidently. She doesn¡¯t get what it means at all, what it means to me.


    It¡¯s out of my mouth before I even have a chance to think it through, moved by how much this has hit


    me and not thinking straight. All I can see is the mess, the ws, the bad choices, broken things and


    the filth, and I know that left to her she will never look after this ce the way it deserves. My baby


    needs me.


    ¡®I want my club back! Mine to do with as I please and you can take that sloppy wench and tie her up in


    your fucking room indefinitely for all I care. She touches my club again I will cut her fucking hands off.¡¯


    Tears start rolling,plete conviction inside of me as I try to pull myself together. Common sense in


    the back of my brain telling me to slow down and think about this ¡­ but it¡¯s toote. I¡¯ve seen it now


    and I can¡¯t unsee it; this will haunt me for a lifetime if I abandon it now.

 Chapter 92

    Chapter 92


    I had nothing my whole life. This ce was everything¡ªhome, safety, security and warmth. It was all I


    ever wanted in my life. It doesn¡¯t deserve to be neglected like this. These walls deserve care.


    Alexi just stands there, infuriatingly quiet, watching me, and I am not sure he even heard me. He just


    stares as I cry softly and stare at the mirror as though I can will it back into one piece. I am in so much


    internal pain and distress.


    ¡®Alexi!¡¯ I yell at him, bringing myself back to tear my gaze away from the ruins. Frustrated and mming


    the boudoir door behind me to close out the stench which is still wafting our way. I have no desire to


    check the others, and wipe a tear from my cheek that is rolling over my skin.


    She has destroyed my home. I won¡¯t leave it like this, in the hands of some inadequate hoe bag. I won¡¯t


    walk away and let it crumble into disrepair. I can practically hear its walls crying out for me toe


    save it. He offered this to me ¡­ he offered a real piece of owning it. It¡¯s not just e back and be my


    servant¡¯ ¡­ he offered me a real chance at ownership and being important in this ce.


    My brain is in chaos, torn between my heart and my head, and I know it¡¯s stupid to be impulsive when I


    am feeling this way. I should leave and really consider his offer and what that means for my future.


    ¡®Twenty-five percent.¡¯ It¡¯s all he says, eyes on me,pletely serious and I blink at him, sniffing back


    the upset and my flu, eyes from him to the bar and back again as my brain tries to push away the


    emotional irrational fog that is clouding logic.


    I know I¡¯m tired, sick, upset and I should walk away. It¡¯s like I am glued to the spot and some weird


    dormant maternal instinct for my baby is refusing to back down.


    He has seen the weakness and is ying hard ball while he has an opening. I know this and I should


    shoot him down. Forever the clever negotiator going in for a kill with something he knows will work. I¡¯ve


    exposed a weakness and he intends to utilise it. I may as well use the upper hand if he really wants me


    back.


    ¡®Eighty percent? It¡¯s more mine than it has ever been yours. I want IT ¡­ not a connection to you.¡¯ My


    brain is a whirring mass of clicks and spins as I try to pull it together and think about what I am


    agreeing to here. Voice raspy with feeling, he is seeing the Achilles Heel and diving right in. Master


    maniptor won¡¯t miss out on my moment of low.


    I¡¯m too emotionally connected to this ce, too close and it¡¯s clouding my judgement. I should walk out


    and get some space and perspective to think about this, but my mouth and brain are not working as


    one. My heart is pounding like crazy.


    ¡®Fifty ¡­ Equal shares. A partnership on paper but I will stay out of the running. I will make sure this club


    is worth your efforts and abide by your boundaries.¡¯ He isn¡¯t moving, isn¡¯t breaking a sweat the way I


    am and I can¡¯t just put it on being unwell. I know I am digging my own grave by even thinking about this


    but what do I have out there ¡­ Nothing; a shitty dead-end hole to walk home to, no job and no money


    ¡ªA constant threat of danger and hiding endlessly from old enemies. My life is pitiful and has been


    since I left here. I couldn¡¯t sink any lower if I tried.


    I was always safe here with him¡ªeven when he was making me lose my mind¡ªhe protected me, took


    care of me, even while torturing me.


    Maybe with boundaries ¡­?


    ¡®And the apartment above as part of the deal.¡¯ It¡¯s out, even as my own head is trying to shake sense


    into me, reminding me that this clubes with a connection to him, always! I am too enraged at


    seeing it for myself. What she has done to my baby. Doubts and excuses and real hesitation as I try to


    argue with myself internally, but it¡¯s falling by the wayside behind my impulsive stubborn brain.


    ¡®It¡¯s a part of the club, so fifty-fifty. It will be yours to use and I won¡¯t stay there unless you allow it.¡¯ He


    digs his heels in, that sombre tone giving way to business Alexi and that sh of something in his eye


    fuels my fire. He is calmly negotiating and moving closer so subtly that I don¡¯t even react ¡­ too fuelled


    by chaotic mind mess.


    ¡®I want full use without you staying there¡ªEVER! Mine and mine alone. No walking in and out


    whenever you feel like it,¡¯ I retort not backing down, and this time Alexi uncrosses his arms and


    scratches his jaw, eyes never leaving mine.


    ¡®I can¡¯t promise that; some nights I need to be here. I will always ask your permission first. It won¡¯t be


    like before. You set rules and I will obey them.¡¯ His eyes lock on mine intensely, something slightly


    warm in that nothing expression and the air seems to sizzle between us. He¡¯s isn¡¯t being the Carrero I


    know and that should put me on high alert, but insanely, I believe him.


    I need a good p for this level of naivety.


    He knows he has a tiny hook in me and he¡¯s clinging on in any way he can. I should walk away, but I


    can¡¯t seem to.


    He¡¯s dangling a diamond encrusted carrot to a starving person with a bling fetish.


    He¡¯s being weirdly amodating and it should be signalling all my warning bells but I have my eye


    on bigger goals and I can always tell him ¡®no¡¯ when he asks, right?


    Hold him off ¡­ Keep him at arm¡¯s length ¡­ Not like how it was before!


    God, I am so fucking weak. Who am I kidding? This is stupid! RUN Cami RUN, as fast and far away


    as you can. Alexi is not going to ever treat you well.


    ¡®That wench can fuck off and stop interfering in how I run things. ¡®Hoe-anne¡¯ needs to go. I don¡¯t ever


    want toy eyes on her again. Not after this!¡¯ I put my hands on my hips and nod my head at the room,


    stand my ground and face him, locked in a stand-off. I am angrily determined to put right what that idiot


    has done in here; even if that means living within arm¡¯s reach of this tosser again. I can handle it this


    time.


    My heart isn¡¯t his anymore. I know what I am walking into this time. I know how to deal with him.


    So I am telling myself over and over, wondering if I say it enough will I actually start to believe it.


    I also never want to have to deal with that smug bitch ever again and forget what she was in my


    demise. It bites that he kept his slut around after he discarded me. I wonder if that¡¯s a part of my


    reasoning not to back down. If Ie back, I have the pleasure of kicking her out on her arse and I for


    one cannot let that opportunity slide by. It¡¯s what she deserves!


    ¡®She stays as your relief when you need time off. You can train someone else in the meantime and


    rece her when you have.¡¯ Alexi isn¡¯t budging either, even if he is trying to pretend he is a sane and


    stable person. I suppose he always was when it came to making money and business. His level head


    on and focus on his club. It¡¯s when it came to me and sex that he turned into a raving lunatic.


    That can work in my favour¡ª just keep sex out of the equation this time and we should be fine ¡­


    right?


    ¡®I get full control of all the decisions and you just pay for it. No asking permission or arguing the point. I


    decide ¡­ you do!¡¯ I raise my chin, widening my eyes at him to show I won¡¯t back down on that one at


    all, in any way, and he just nods at me without any change of expression. My heart is hammering, body


    vibrating with adrenaline and I cannot believe I am actually negotiating this with him. Or that he is


    agreeing to my terms.


    I cannot forget who this man is¡ªeven if he¡¯s ying the role of sane and reasonable.


    It feels like I am in an alternate universe or maybe I am high and not really here. Maybe I died on my


    apartment floor and this is the first stages of hell when they lure you into a false future before ripping


    the floor away and letting you drop into the fiery pit below. Alexi would definitely be a part of this¡ª


    seeing as he is the devil incarnate.


    ¡®Anything else?¡¯ He brings me back to focus, head brimming so full I think it may pop. There¡¯s nothing


    in his casual pose to suggest anything devious in his intention. God knows my eyes are scrutinising


    him for any hint of his known tells and I am getting nothing at all.


    ¡®I get to move back upstairs, today ¡­ I am not ashamed to admit that I don¡¯t want to go back to that


    apartment and have no energy or cash to do it anyway. I need to lie down and I don¡¯t want to waste any


    time in checking this ce over and start sorting out a list of things that need seeing to immediately. I


    want all the bookings cancelled until this ce is deep cleaned and sanitised while I order all new


    stock.¡¯ It¡¯s a bolshie order, but if I am stupid enough to do this then I may as wellmit and do it right.


    The thought of never having to go back to that dank room and crappy building isn¡¯t exactly breaking me


    up inside. In fact, I am suddenly filled with renewed vigour and a tiny inkling of what could be mistaken


    for hope. To be in a warm safe bed tonight is my idea of heaven. No one could offer me anything more


    alluring than that.


    ¡®Joanne can call all my clients herself and do that. Make use of her while she is still here¡ªshe¡¯s your


    problem now.¡¯ He moves to the bar and slides onto the nearest high stool, inspecting the surface with a


    look of irritation and avoidsying his hands on it. He turns to me, propping one leg up casually on the


    support of the seat under him. Leaning against the counter heys an elbow on top instead of naked


    skin, obviously aware it¡¯s not the cleanest. Believe it or not, Alexi is a bit of a germaphobe. Not majorly,


    he just likes things neat and precise and sanitary. I learned that from living with him.


    ¡®This is going to cost you ¡­ that marble alone was fifty grand Alexi, and she¡¯s turned it into a


    scratched-up piece of trash. It¡¯s ruined.¡¯ I point out, testing him to see if money chat will get a different


    reaction.


    ¡®Whatever needs to be done do it. I don¡¯t care what it costs. Just write me a list and send me the bills.¡¯


    Weirdly calm for him. Making agreements like it is second nature but I am not going to knock his out-of-


    character behaviour. He isn¡¯t overly frigid when ites to spending money on this ce, not that I


    remember anyway, but that¡¯s when it was being modelled from scratch. This ce has already be


    a money pit after he spent a million dors the first time around, and I am asking him to sink more cash


    into it. Not his usual approach to business, but I guess he¡¯s partly trying to keep me sweet as we


    negotiate mying back.


    It¡¯s obvious now why this ce is going down the shitter, and I am not going to stand back and watch it


    sink.


    ¡®Repainted, restyled, restocked. I want the cleaning crew in here tonight, this ce is vile. I want it done


    my way¡ªno matter what it is.¡¯ That chin is lifting by itself, standing taller, finding my old self and my


    emotions are calming as Ie to terms with this stupid decision I have made here. I am back in his


    grasp, voluntarily and yet, I feel nothing but numbness about that ¡­ maybe a tiny little ember of relief.


    I¡¯m not sure yet what it is.


    ¡®Fine.¡¯ A small satisfied smile as he continues to watch me, standing here like a spare limb and losing


    all my fight and fury, fast.


    ¡®Mico will collect my stuff from my apartment for me?¡¯ I raise a brow at him, bing overly aware of


    how crappy I must look as his eyes roll over mezily. Now my distress is piping down and the shock of


    seeing this ce is fading, I am suddenly overly sensitive to my haggard appearance and dirty hair. I


    want to at least get clean and put some makeup on, and maybe brush my birds nest. He makes you


    feel inadequate when he looks like he does.


    ¡®Whenever you want, I¡¯m not nning on staying here tonight, so it¡¯s all yours. I have a meeting uptown


    which will runte, so you can have this whole ce to yourself to pick apart and critique to your


    heart¡¯s content. We can talk more tomorrow when I get back ¡­ get things rolling.¡¯ Alexi is still pulling


    me apart with his gaze, so I turn and walk around as though to convey my indecision rather than move


    because he¡¯s making me nervous now.


    ¡®You said you would up my wage. I guess if I am part owner then that changes a few things?¡¯ I ask


    timidly, now thinking about the fact I just cured my money issues in one fell sweep and the light-headed


    woozinesses back. I went from minimum paid ex-waitress to club owner in less than an hour. My


    head can¡¯t even dissect that yet. All the things I was close to tears over on that bench¡ªfixed in one


    little Alexi Carrero sentence ¡­ Home, job, safety.


    I can regret itter.


    ¡®We can talk money tomorrow, so I can have mywyer draft a contract for half the club and whatever


    tiny details you want included. I¡¯ll make sure this is worth your while, Cam. I have to stay uptown until


    noon so there¡¯s no rush to do anything except rest and relimatise to home.¡¯ His tone pulls my eyes


    to him and the way he said thatst word. Eerily soft and almost tender, even calling it that, and for a


    moment we lock eyes and I get a weird fluttering feeling in my gut I really do not like. He just sets a


    small smile on his annoyingly nice mouth and I break contact and look away, nerves hitching and try for


    a verbal distraction.


    ¡®So, this is happening, you¡¯re really going to just let me take half your club ¡­ the apartment ¡­ make


    changes ¡­ really?¡¯ It¡¯s like an afterthought as I calm down and my brain catches up, realising what I


    am doing to myself as bravado dies and reality starts to seep in. My doubts from the start of the


    conversation are finally getting stage space and I already know it¡¯s toote to back down. My heart¡¯s


    invested no matter how much my sense is telling me to leave. I made a knee-jerk decision because I


    was faced with a ruined club, and now I¡¯m starting to let it sink in I¡¯m having doubts that I can walk back


    in here and be around him again.


    ¡®I told you I needed you back here. We¡¯re negotiating it, aren¡¯t we? I¡¯m deadly serious.¡¯ He sounds it


    too. I honestly no longer know how I feel. It¡¯s all raw and mixed up and confusing. I feel like I amThis belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    walking the edge of arge hole that¡¯s trying to suck me in. I need thinking space.


    ¡®You know this time won¡¯t be like thest ¡­ there are boundaries thate with this, Alexi.¡¯ I need to


    make it clear that I am not part of his empire, even if I do this. I am not part of what he owns anymore. I


    need to protect myself from a repeat of what came before. He needs to know that I am out of his grasp


    this time. I couldn¡¯t live through any of that again, no matter how much I want my club back.


    ¡®Such as?¡¯ He is infuriatingly still as I fidget and pace, breathingboured as I try to calm a rapid heart


    rate. The poise of the old me in tatters. No mask anymore, no more games. I¡¯m scared, shitting myself


    at what I have agreed to do.


    ¡®Me! You don¡¯t get to tell me how to dress, who to date or how to behave. No punishments. No taking


    liberties or throwing your weight around. I¡¯m not one of your toys anymore.¡¯ It¡¯s the first real genuine


    and heartfelt statement andes out in the softest voice. I curse at myself for sounding vulnerable


    but I cannot take it back now. My hands tremble because this is where it really matters. This is where I


    can easily walk back out the door if he doesn¡¯t agree.

 Chapter 93

    Chapter 93


    Alexi, for the first time, looks slightly ufortable, eyes flicking to hisp and a tiny frown, a moment


    of something I can¡¯t read before theye back up to meet mine.


    ¡®Agreed ¡­ to a certain extent ¡­ I need you to still represent me and my name, Cam, whiches with


    restrictions.¡¯ His voice is equally soft, quieter as he responds and the moment seems as far away from


    business as possible. As far away from Alexi and Cami conversations as it could be. Another lengthy


    pause as I let his answer sink in and find my inner strength once more.


    I can never let him reel me back in, not with soft looks and tender tones. I know all his tricks.


    ¡®I know how to be discreet and how to behave, trust me to know how to do this without your direction. I


    am not part of this deal. I will be my own person and I can walk at any time. If you make me feel like


    you did, in any tiny way then I won¡¯t hesitate to leave you.¡¯ I feel like I am signing my life away, this


    heavy weight of doom hanging over me trying to warn me of a stupid decision, but I was never that


    good at listening to my gut; Always running towards danger.


    He has the upper hand and all the things in the world I want. I am tired of surviving. I want toe


    back and stop running from the world in general. It was easier when I was here, wrapped in the Carrero


    empire¡¯s safe bubble. I miss knowing what that could feel like. I miss my life.


    ¡®If that¡¯s what it takes, then fine ¡­ Anything else?¡¯ He doesn¡¯t seem so happy anymore, yet he¡¯s not


    angry either. Agreeable even if it¡¯s begrudged, but I sigh with relief that he¡¯s not picking apart these


    demands in the way I was expecting him to.


    The Alexi I know isn¡¯t this easy to negotiate with, and isn¡¯t so reasonable when ites to positions


    and toys. He¡¯s a born Dom and this must be killing him.


    ¡®You don¡¯t get to touch me, in any way, shape or form, from here on in ¡­ at all.¡¯ I spell it out as basically


    and clearly as I can. No touching means no chance of ever weakening me back to his way of thinking.


    It¡¯s my only real defence when ites to dealing with him.


    Alexi this time does react; that eyebrow flicker, the little tightening of his jaw, a visible flinch and


    disbelieving halfugh, half snort. He doesn¡¯t like this one. My guts tighten, heart skips a beat and I


    hold my breath¡ªon edge and waiting.


    He looks away across the room and the second flinch of his jaw hints that he really is not happy about


    that little demand, his mind running through it, over, under, and around, probably tying the fucker up


    and poking it with sharp things. I won¡¯t back down on this one for anything.


    I don¡¯t want him to ever touch me again and with this one thing in ce there is no danger of ever


    falling back under his spell. No sex, no punishment, no way to hurt me.


    No control.


    Alexi¡¯s biggest weapons are all tied up in one little rule!


    ¡®It¡¯s a deal breaker for me if you say no,¡¯ I add in afterthought, finding courage, and Alexi looks a little


    madder for a moment. Eyes narrowing at whatever he¡¯s ring at across the room, turning it to stone


    with the power of that frown, before he turns back to me with a heavy sigh and a little shake of his


    head. As though he is really battling to be okay with this. I can see the storm in those grey eyes as he


    bites on his typical reaction to curb it.


    I should take all of this as a warning and just forget it. Just go. I should not put myself in danger this


    way again.


    ¡®Whatever you want.¡¯ It¡¯s through almost gritted teeth and his tone has an edge that borders on


    severely agitated, but he agreed and I let out the breath I have been holding tight in my lungs as


    warmth floods my body. He may be an aplished liar and prick, but when he makes boundaries, he


    tends to stick to them. I can tell by his salty mood he is doing just that.


    Screw him. I don¡¯t care if it pisses him off.


    ¡®I want all this in writing¡ªALL of it. I want you to promise me. I would also like a use that states if


    you break any part of the contract that results in me leaving then the value of my percentage is paid to


    me in full before I walk away, to cut all ties ¡­ Without argument ¡­ Without taking it to court!¡¯ I am the


    one to raise brows this time; fighting my corner, fuelled by nerves and a deep sense of unease. I know I


    am ying with fire but my sanity depends on this. Alexi looks both pissed and impressed at the same


    time and shakes his head lightly in disbelief. I know him too well, and that sadistic bastard is most likely


    mbering to throw a hissy fit inside thatplex brain. He¡¯s probably trying very hard to keep it


    hidden.


    ¡®Would you like me to sign it in blood too?¡¯ Sarcasm because I have annoyed him but there¡¯s not a


    whole lot he can do about it. He starts tapping the bar with his thumb, a little frustrated tell that informs


    me I am under his skin already and his temper is fraying.


    ¡®If you want, or a pen would suffice, but I know you like being dramatic for effect.¡¯ I¡¯m not ying ball


    and backing down for his moods this time¡ªSassy all the way. Cami will be proud of me. The girl he


    broke isn¡¯t here anymore and she has no intention of ever letting him do that again.


    I may be stupidly walking back into his world against every ounce of sense inside of me, but this time I


    know what, and who he is, and exactly what he is capable of and I won¡¯t be burned twice. Alexi has


    another thinging if he thinks I¡¯m the same weak idiot who poured her heart out at his feet and tried


    to end her pain in the worst possible way. I don¡¯t love this man anymore, so he has no hold over me.


    ¡®We done? Finished tying me up in demands? Stripping me for all I have?¡¯ He sounds sulky, proper


    little boy in a bad mood, and for the first time in a long time I feel smug about his tone of voice. A smile


    curling across my lips unintentionally and I have the urge to giggle at his behaviour.


    ¡®Stroppy much! I may need a wage advance to sort out a wardrobe and such. I got robbed after all. If


    you hadn¡¯t put me in a position where I had to sell all that I owned I wouldn¡¯t need to buy more, so pay


    up Carrero ¡­ I me you for my catastrophic oue.¡¯ I have my game face back on, confident when


    faced with sulky. Even If I don¡¯t really feel it, but my new rule is to never let him in again to see beyond


    this bravado.


    Alexi ponders my face for a moment before leaning back and pulling out his wallet from his inner jacket,


    sliding out a ck credit card and holds it out to me without hesitation. I blink at it, and then him, and


    do a double take at just how easily this one was to get out of him. I shrug with one shoulder, internally


    surprised and a little smug about this victory too. He isn¡¯t even going to argue on this point and I fully


    intend to exploit him this way while I am on a roll. I feel like he owes me and I have no qualms in


    spending HIS money.


    He cost me everything and it¡¯s a small price to pay in return.


    ¡®I hope the hair is on that list ¡­ brown isn¡¯t your colour,¡¯ he adds as he watches me tuck it into my bra


    at the side of my left breast, his eye lingering on the cleavage I exposed in doing so. I ignore it, and he


    quickly averts his eyes to scan my hair instead, which is in a bedraggled ponytail and I have to agree. I


    hate this hair; it¡¯s why it spends its life tied up and looking like a birds nest.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t have the funds for the Cami upkeep, Dahling, but don¡¯t worry, red has always been my colour


    and will be one of the first things I spend your money on. Nice to know you agree.¡¯ I wink, a good old


    Walters trait and smile cattily, falling easy into my old role and rooting out the mannerisms. It feels great


    to air them confidently.


    I too perch an elbow on the bar and lean into it while still facing him, finding it ridiculously easy to fall


    back into old behaviours now I am back here. I missed being this girl, she¡¯s the real me.


    ¡®It¡¯s definitely your colour, and I miss it. The limit is ten grand, let me know when you need it paid and I¡¯ll


    do it. Let¡¯s call it business expenses; I need you to look like the hostess, not a waitress. Buy whatever


    you need to bring her back. It¡¯s Cami I¡¯m paying for ¡­ Not Meghan!¡¯ Alexi gets up and makes a


    move to walk past me, stopping when he gets level and turns to me so we¡¯re facing, even if he towers


    over me in ts.


    ¡®Meghan sadly died earlier today. When her ex-boss¡¯s nose met the base of a very heavy pot, and I quit


    before he fired me.¡¯ I get a little inkling of pride when I say it and can¡¯t help smiling wider when he


    breaks into an unexpected smile too. A real one, dimples and all.


    ¡®You did what?¡¯ He halfughs, half questions me and I just shrug, a moment of genuine pleasantness


    between us.


    ¡®The creep wouldn¡¯t keep his hands to himself. Take note, New York ¡­ I learned how to finally deal with


    men and wandering hands; would be a shame to scar that pretty nose of yours too.¡¯


    Alexi stops smiling and that hint of overprotective and possessive psycho flickers over him instead. I


    know it too well and it sobers my moment of cheer. He hates people touching what is his, even if he


    has agreed that I won¡¯t be.


    He seems to stop and think for a moment, a struggle to control those stormy facial tells he has going on


    so very subtly and then snaps himself back to deadpan, something in his head clearly clicking into


    ce. A decision made, no doubt.


    ¡®I have to go get some work done upstairs; I¡¯ll leave you to it.¡¯ His tone is tight, borderline angry, eyes


    scanning me again and, in this second, I really want to be able to read that face and know exactly what


    he is thinking. Being this close he makes it hard to breathe and I should maybe make it clear from now


    on he should always stay five feet away at all times, for my own mental state.


    I know he¡¯s probably working out what punishment he should exact on Joe and I honestly do not care.


    Joe¡¯s not my problem anymore and Alexi isn¡¯t either. This club is my focus and as long as whatever he


    does stays away from me and these four walls, he can do whatever he wants. He won¡¯t just let it slide


    that Joe touched me ¡­ just like I know deep down he probably has men scouring the streets for the


    yobs who robbed my apartment. I know that side of him all too well but I no longer want to know about


    it. Be it some kind of responsibility to protect those he employs or something else, I¡¯m done giving it


    brain space.


    ¡®I want some time to look this ce over, make a list of things that need doing anyway before I head up


    to MY new apartment and take a nap. You can tell your tramp to call the guests and the escorts and


    cancel them all for the next week. Should be her that takes the shit for that, seeing as she is why it¡¯s


    being shut.¡¯ I call after him as he walks confidently towards the inner hall door and I watch him go, eyes


    following lines of his body and try not to check out his arse when it¡¯s facing me. He always did have a


    nice butt.


    ¡®You can tell her to do it yourself, she¡¯s due here in twenty minutes. Feel free to tell her she now


    answers to you even though I am back. I don¡¯t have time for her.¡¯ He throws me a sort of smile, as


    though he knows in that statement, I¡¯ll get some evil joy. I just smile back with a matching one. Two


    devils together sometimes, us two. I try to ignore the moment.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t seem that bothered that his toy is about to get her marching orders and I wonder if he is


    still sleeping with her. It has been four months after all, and he isn¡¯t known to stick with one girl for long.


    I doubt she is still gracing his bed; I know him better than that. She too lost her usefulness no doubt, or


    became too easy and not any fun anymore. Not that I care or want to think about who he is sleeping


    with. It¡¯s none of my business.


    ¡®I will. It¡¯ll be my pleasure.¡¯ Full Cami charm back on show and it earns me a lingering look before


    Alexi walks off, stopping as he gets to the end of the corridor and looks back at me with a changed


    expression.This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®I¡¯m happy you reconsidered my offer. You belong here.¡¯ It¡¯s all he says and despite myself, I can¡¯t help


    the little tingle of emotion that runs through me. Hating myself immediately after he wanders out, and


    push it down deep pulling on that stubborn head and remind myself that no matter what ¡­ I won¡¯t


    soften towards him or let him back in.


    I am immune to his shows of charm and caring. I know they are always fake.


    Besides, that ship has sailed.


    This is business only!

 Chapter 94

    Chapter 94


    Staring at the bathroom ceiling as I soak in the tub, feels like heaven on earth. Warm, clean and


    luxuriating as my aches and pains soothe away in a bath I can actuallyy down in. Nothing scratching


    and poking into my skin under my body and no dirty brown, unhygienic and marginally warm water to


    contend with.


    Soft music from the apartment sound system is ying something ssical, floating in the air around


    me as citrus-scented candles burn in the low light and creates the most rxing atmosphere I have


    been in for months. I feel like I am a million miles away from the reality of how life was hitting me just


    twelve hours ago.


    It¡¯s such a contrast to how I have been living and feels like my prayers have been answered. You truly


    appreciate things like this after struggling for so long.


    I¡¯ve missed these rooms, this bathroom and the luxuries thate from being here in this world. I can


    barely keep my eyes open, fatigue swimming over me fromck of sleep and my lingering bug. I forgot


    how good this felt, even though it¡¯s such a basic thing and taken for granted until you find yourself


    poverty-stricken.


    I love this tub, it¡¯srge enough to submergepletely, big enough for two if I wanted apanion


    and the jets for the Jacuzzi are on low, foaming away and giving me a full body massage as I soak in


    expensive bubbles¡ªcourtesy of the housekeeper, who stocks the bathrooms with products even when


    not in use and I could kiss her. I might die right here ofplete satisfaction, purring like a kitten as all


    of my problems ebb away.


    I am one hundred percent on a cloud of delirium, and cannot believe that only this morning I was


    stressing about where I was going to end up, or how to feed or fend for myself after today.


    In one day from practically homeless, unsafe, and broke, to being in five-star amodation with a


    bank ount destined to be singing a merry song soon enough. This is the life Cami was born to


    live, and she has been waiting on a reappearance of it with bated breath.


    Money aside, the sense of being protected while being here is iparable in any way and it¡¯s this


    that I ached for more than anything in the past weeks. To feel like I could stop running, stop being


    weighed down and fighting so hard. Bastard or not, Alexi always made me feel as though nothing


    outside of him would ever harm me and I would never want for material things. I can just exist here,


    with no real worries other than him.


    I have my doubts of course, about being back here in such close proximity to him, but I¡¯m not as


    worried as I was. The way I see it, he cannot do a damn thing to me if I don¡¯t let him get close enough


    to damage me again. Alexi is a mental abuser not a physical one and he needs you to be emotionally


    invested to really get you on that level. I see that now. He needs physical contact like sex to effectively


    turn the knife, well when ites to my scars anyway. As long as I keep all of that in the forefront of


    my mind and don¡¯t ever let myself fall under his spell again, then I will be fine. I can get through this


    and stand up to him.


    We got through months ofpanionable business before we ever had sex, and it can be like that


    again if I just remember¡ªsex ruined everything. No sex¡ªNo problem.


    My mood is definitely brighter and more serene now, and I am really feeling positive about this, even if


    in my depths, the swirling sense of pride and stubborn is battling with me like an infernal tornado.


    I am trying to ignore the warning bells, pangs of fear and push the anxiety aside. I can always leave if


    this goes pear-shaped, maybe just be better prepared for a life back out there, and have back up ns


    ready in case I need to go this time. This doesn¡¯t need to be forever and I should look at it as a


    temporary step to a better ce until I see where it is going.


    I can always walk out on him if he puts me back in a ce where I feel threatened.


    I came up here from the club after I did my walk around and found a million things which pissed me off,


    so I needed to unwind and wipe the grime of the diner out of my pores once and for all. Joanne was


    enraged at finding me perched on a bar stool waiting for her, and it was my greatest pleasure to throw


    my orders in her face like a wench. All while dressed as Meghan from Joe¡¯s diner and looking like a


    street hobo that was far beneath her.


    Somehow it made it all the more satisfying and her tantrummy ¡®I am going to ask Alexi¡¯ didn¡¯t end well,


    when she marched up to his office and came back down ten minutester with her tail between her


    legs and a pouty lip that was more suited to smacked toddler. Whatever he said to her put her face


    completely out of joint, did a magnificent job. She was tearful, docile and went off to the ground floor


    makeshift office to call the clients and staff without argument.


    It was the highlight to my day.


    I already have a cleaning crew booked in all day tomorrow and the next, after thirty minutes on my


    phone to various ces for a full sanitise. Just falling into my old role effortlessly, like I never left.


    I also have decoratorsing to look over the paintwork that needs redoing, in dark grey instead of the


    shitty green tinted stone that she had pped on the walls in my absence.


    Lights are being hauled down as I lie here rxing by the amodating wiringpany who are


    being paid double to get that crap out of here pronto, and the new ones are being delivered tomorrow. I


    managed to snag next day delivery on some pretty expensive chandeliers online, much like the ones


    Hoe-anne removed and I cannot wait for her to see them go up.


    The bar is being unstocked by the bar staff who had already turned up for their shift, they are all off


    tomorrow as they will be back in two days to restock when our new deliveryes in. I wasted no time


    in doing my job, tired and sick or not.


    Alexi has kept out of my way upstairs in the office. I haven¡¯t even seen Mico yet so I don¡¯t even know if


    he is even here, or knows that I am. I wonder if he will be happy and surprised by my change of heart.


    He seemed just as keen as Alexi, so I guess so.


    I have a million things to get through this week to get my club back to the standard I set upon it, and I


    am starting after it¡¯s clean and fresh. I also need to have the sprinkler system checked over, seeing as


    it was the source of a flood and I don¡¯t trust that bitch to have bothered. I am determined to get this


    baby back to its previous glory and smooth running and I have a day to get myself back to the ¡®hostess


    with the mostest¡¯ to get over whatever this is.


    I used my phone to get on top of things needing immediate attention and the bar as a desk to start


    ¡®doing¡¯, which is what I have always been good at. No time like the present to dent a to-do list.


    Now I have the apartment to myself, my belongings all lying in the living room after one of the men took


    me for a half hour to get them, and hours of my evening to soak my troubles away and never face that


    shithole of an apartment, or Joe, ever again. I left myndlord a lovely note, stuck to the front door,


    telling him to go ram his rent. He used to love swinging by on the due date to try and coerce more than


    what I owed him, and he¡¯s due in days. Good luck with that, arsehole.


    My face is no longer swollen like it was this morning, and most of the marks can be hidden with a good


    bag of makeup when I go shopping tomorrow to refill both my cosmetics drawer and my wardrobe. My


    shopaholic side is ecstatic with that turn of events and I have a bubbling sense of excitement every


    time I spy King Carrero¡¯s sexy credit card on the vanity. All in all, I feel like life just got a whole lot


    sweeter.


    I can almost forget that I just signed my existence back over to the devil when I¡¯m surrounded by clean


    comfortable settings and have a whole day of retail therapy and spa nned.


    I managed to get a quickie appointment for my hair and nails at my preferred salon and Alexi has given


    me a driver at my beck and call for the day. He had his head of security inform me when I ventured to


    the lift toe up here.


    He really is pulling out the stops to keep me here and I wonder if this is all really about his club. If I


    didn¡¯t know better, I would wonder if there is any guilt brewing in that closed off mind of his and then


    remember ¡­ this is Alexi we are talking about and that¡¯s as usible as flying pigs.


    I have a use once more and I have something he needs from me. He likes to use what he can acquire


    and that would be me once more.


    This time I won¡¯t be so na?ve as to think that I can let my guard down and let him near me in any way,


    except for business. This is a new ying field and I won¡¯t bend the rules for anything. Any feelings I


    once had for him are lying beneath a solid concrete floor because I have buried them so deep I never


    want them to resurface. I don¡¯t trust him, I don¡¯t put it past him to turn nasty at the drop of a hat, but I¡¯m


    prepared for it this time.


    First sign of him trying to y with my head like he did and I will leave this all behind, even if I own half


    the club. I will not let Alexi Carrero screw me up again, and I refuse to continue being afraid of him.


    I have no doubts that this cid act he has going on is a temporary thing until he secures what he


    wants from me and I will be watching for the change, ever aware of how he is.


    I just do not want to spend my first night out of squalor thinking about him. I want to enjoy this luxury


    and the fully stocked cold fridge he has up here and spend the night vegetating on the bed to watch the


    fifty-five million channels he pays for on the t screen in there.


    Alexi knows how to keep a girl satisfied; materially anyway. I can¡¯t deny that, and I am overjoyed to be


    back in this apartment feeling like I am home once more.


    I missed this more than I missed him.


    I am looking forward to climbing into my old bed with its soft plush mattress and sleep under one


    hundred percent cotton sheets to get over the remainder of this bug. It¡¯s a far cry from the damp mess I


    woke up in this morning and I don¡¯t even feel a little bit guilty about nning on maxing Alexi¡¯s card. I


    feel like it¡¯s the least he can do.


    I pad across the living room in bare feet and a plush bathrobe that smells a little like Alexi, although I


    am trying to ignore that fact, with my hair wrapped up in a towel on top of my head. I am rosy from my


    hot soak for an hour and feel amazingly soft and refreshed, if not crazily sleepy. My brain on food as I


    head for the refrigerator to check out what he has in here, starving because thest meal I had today


    was the croissants from his henchman outside my door at first light.


    Alexi tends to keep his apartments stocked with food when he ising and going and this one looks


    like it was stocked today, everything has long use by dates and nothing has been opened at all, not


    even the creamer for his coffee. It suggests he intended staying here this week for whatever reason


    and I hope to God he isn¡¯t still nning on it. I need some space to limatise to this dumb decision I


    have made, and I can settle a lot better if he stays out of my way for a while.


    He¡¯s a bit of a health freak and never eats anything sweet, so it¡¯s all sds, pasta and food you can


    microwave from a gourmet delivery service. He is anal about that body of his remaining a fat-free


    temple and it is one area I could never get on board.


    I¡¯m a chocte and cake craver and I have to put in daily yoga workouts to make sure I exercise it off.


    It¡¯s almost like my wake-up ritual when life is going better for me.


    I stick my head inside as I rummage and jump when I be aware of someone behind me, moving


    up close enough to make my hackles rise with a sixth sense. I almost drop my te of acquired goods


    on my feet as I spin around in rm. Heart somersaulting with the fright it gives me and I curse loudly


    in a mini yelp.


    ¡®Sorry, didn¡¯t mean to scare you, I thought you heard mee in.¡¯ Alexi is standing there looking at me


    like this is the most normal thing in the world and all I can do is blink back at him, feeling underdressed


    and heart hammering like a war drum as I try to calm my sudden breathless demeanour. He made me


    almost shit myself and I¡¯m not used to people creeping up on me like that.


    ¡®I thought you said you would be gone all night?¡¯ I snap at him usingly, frowning, more in reaction to


    the fact my body is in trembling meltdown of aftershock, hand on my chest to calm my erratic breathing


    and slow down the manic panic of my heart. He just gazes at me, still dressed in his earlier outfit minus


    the jacket, so it¡¯s all rolled up sleeves with tattoos on show and fitted waistcoat moulded to the muscles


    under that expensive shirt. His tie is loosened and the top button of his shirt undone so overall, it¡¯s a


    more winding down ensemble than the rigid groomed and foreboding of earlier.


    He looks like he has had a tough afternoon and the slightly ruffled hair adds to it. I hate that he looks


    fuckable like this and curse myself for that tight warm sensation low in the pelvis which reminds me that


    sex and I haven¡¯t had a rendezvous since I graced his bed months ago. I need to get my ¡®Battery


    operated boyfriend¡ªBOB¡¯ some new batteries and have a reunion. That will cure my horny cravings


    brought on by this arsehole.


    ¡®I forgot to lift something from the safe. So here I am.¡¯ His eyes wander over me slowly and I¡¯m not too


    impressed with the way he lingers obviously on the gaping V of the robe at my cleavage, a small


    appreciative softening of his expression and I yank it closed and just frown harder.


    Pervert!


    ¡®So you ARE leaving again?¡¯ I lift that defiant chin, not about to get all cosy and buddy with a roommate


    when he made it clear I wouldn¡¯t have one tonight. I don¡¯t want thepany and he would be thest


    person I¡¯d choose to spend my night with any day of the week.


    What a harsh contrast to the first night we both spent together in this apartment months ago. When I


    deliberately dressed to seduce him and he knocked me back.


    ¡®I said I wasn¡¯t staying, didn¡¯t I? I have something to collect. You look like you are settling in, do you


    need anything?¡¯ Alexi doesn¡¯t seem as ¡®Mr Charm¡¯ as he was earlier, definitely a hint of something in


    that tone, a gruffness and tension, harbouring a mood maybe and I just shrug it off and at him.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®Peace ¡­ck of Italian men in the room. That would suit me.¡¯ I throw him a charming smile with a


    sarcastic tone and ignore that flicker of annoyance in that pretty face of his as the softness flutters


    away to that cold steel that is more his normal look. Turning back to the source of food and enjoyment


    and nk his presence as best I can. I am trying to ignore the way every one of my nerve endings and


    senses have hitched to high sensitivity with his presence. I put it down to being scared half witless by


    an unannounced appearance.


    ¡®I can take a hint.¡¯ It¡¯s uttered rather sulkily, that husky tone of a bad-tempered Carrero, and I am aware


    of him walking off towards his bedroom as I continue my food search, bent over and looking for


    something sweeter than fruit. I find nothing to satisfy my craving and go for a full te of pasta and


    sd instead, with a disappointed sigh. Chocte would have been good. At least I won¡¯t have to do


    much of a workout to take this off my hips at any point. I pull the door shut and head for the couch to


    getfortable.


    Alexi is only a few minutes before hees walking back out and I notice his tie is gone, and he¡¯s


    sporting a leather jacket over his shirt with the neck open. Waistcoat is gone too. It¡¯s weirdly semi-


    casual for a meeting, but he can pull off any look, I guess. A perk of being a smoking hot half Italian


    with demon eyes and a jawline that makes most women weep with desire. It¡¯s okay to admit that he will


    always do it for me when ites to attraction, but it doesn¡¯t mean anything. Thinking he¡¯s screwable


    isn¡¯t the same as letting him do it.


    He throws me a heavy look as he walks past, waving the file at me as if he needs to prove the reason


    for his arrival and I just watch him go by, taking a mouthful of food in disinterest; Willing him to just go


    away.


    He pauses by the door before he opens it and looks back at me like he has something to say, and I


    watch him expectantly. Halting mid-chew and raise my eyes towards him as he stands there.


    Alexi¡¯s eyes go from mine to the floor in a second and he instantly seems to hesitate; looking back at


    me before nodding an awkward goodbye and then just leaves without actually saying a word. I just sit


    gawping as the door swings back and clicks closed before me.


    It¡¯s the weirdest moment ever, and the fact it¡¯se from Mr self-assured and confident is even


    stranger. It¡¯s almost like he wanted to say something andpletely bottled it then legged it before I


    noticed. Maybe I am just reading into that too much as I¡¯m tired and a bit wonky headed from being


    poorly.


    I don¡¯t know what to think about it or if I even imagined it, but he¡¯s gone in a blink and I push it out of


    my head as not important.


    Whatever that was, be it intentional because with him nothing is ever straightforward, or be it


    something else, I am not going to care. When ites to him, I don¡¯t want to know why he does


    anything or whatever little act or mind games he has going on. I¡¯m not the same girl and I know him


    better than he likes to think.

 Chapter 95

    Chapter 95


    I wake up sote it¡¯s crazy, after sleeping more than twelve hours and curse myself for not getting up


    and starting my day hours earlier, like I nned. It totally screws up all my good intentions for today as


    it¡¯s blooming noon already. My hair appointment is at one so that gives me enough time to shower,


    dress and go out and get that done first before I even get a look in at anything else. My shopping trip


    and beauty treatments are all this afternoon, so I have that still to look forward to anyway. It¡¯s just all my


    ns concerning details of the club that will have to wait.


    I obviously needed it. I do feel so much better, and falling asleep before eleven p.m. must have given


    my immune system a long overdue break as I don¡¯t even feel anywhere near as ill as I have done these


    past days. It¡¯s probably due to my healthier surroundings too, the sanitary conditions and some real


    foodst night.


    I rarely had that when I was working in the diner, barely slept each night, and barely had a decent


    routine or great meal. I was always on edge, always aware of my surroundings and how unsafe I felt,


    always worrying about tomorrow. I got four- or five-hours slumber, maximum, on a good night and even


    then, it was broken by bad dreams and constant paranoia that I was not alone.


    It¡¯s a strange feeling to wake up here, feeling utterly still and calm, as though deep down I know I am


    completely safe and protected by the barrage of men in this fortress. Ironic, being whose apartment, I


    am in, but there¡¯s a feeling of peace inside of me which I know will probably wear off.


    It¡¯s just a reaction froming out of the shitty situation I was in and getting some respite, knowing I


    am fed, sheltered and with an ieing my way. A relief to my stress levels and soon sense will


    take the novelty away.


    I am sure a day of addressing my appearance will sort that right out. Put Cami back on the map and


    feel more like my old self once more. I cannot wait to turn this in Jane in the mirror back into a feisty


    redhead, and the thought of something that costs more than five bucks to wear after my spree is giving


    me tingles. I have always been addicted to expensive clothes and I am almost itching to just go straight


    for the kill. It¡¯s even more satisfying when it¡¯s not my money and hurts Alexi¡¯s pocket in the process. A


    small revenge for what he took from me, even if he never intended for my life to go that way. He did


    however cure me of my little heart problem ¡­ letting someone in, weakening it. It¡¯s now back to a


    stone-cold solid mass of ck death and I can thank him for reminding me why it should have stayed


    that way.


    Don¡¯t ever trust anyone when ites to your own well-being and needs. No one in the world will ever


    look out for you and have your interests as their sole focus other than you. People just disappoint and


    hurt you. Love is for the stupid.


    I jump out of bed, bypassing breakfast because I have no time right now, and aim to get ready as


    quickly as I can to get out there and find my girl.


    * * *


    Wandering downstairs in the only type of clothes I have right now, jeans and a jumper over trainers, I


    head into the bar to find out where my driver is. Surprised to see it¡¯s bustling with people and activity,


    including Mico and Alexi and a little group of ck-suited men being given orders. He¡¯s assembling


    new security and shaking up rotas and requirements for the club.


    So much for not helping run the ce, huh!


    I forgot he said he would be back after twelve. I guess it¡¯s a good thing as he can tell me which man is


    expected to chauffer me around at hismand. Half his goons never seem to know what¡¯s going on


    in the daily running and I would rather get it from the horse¡¯s mouth himself, so he has nothing to sulk


    aboutter. My n is to keep him sweet and cause no abrasive moods between us for anything. That


    way he has no reason to start being the prick he can be.


    Nothing is going to ruin my mood today, not even him.


    ¡®Good morning,¡¯ I chirp brightly, interrupting the little flock of them standing by the bar. I can see Mico


    has a clipboard in hand; his checklist of doing whatever and Alexi is on his phone, as usual, texting


    away his life. They two are like bookends sometimes, noses down and eyes focused on tasks with that


    same little curved centre of one brow on the left.


    Weird.


    They all stop and look my way, most of them just gaze and turn back to what they are doing in


    disinterest at my familiar face but Mico smiles brightly, throws a happy wink as if to say, ¡®d to see


    you¡¯ and Alexi puts his phone down and slides through between two men to walk directly to me.


    ¡®Afternoon.¡¯ He corrects me with that suave air of know it all cockhead.


    Hmm, so maybe he¡¯s right, but I don¡¯t like the condescending tone.


    ¡®I guess you haven¡¯t left the building yet?¡¯ He continues when I just raise a brow at him and give him a


    withering look, curbing a response. I know full well he will have every single man in this building trained


    to report every detail to him on the inner workings here, and he knows this is the first time I have


    ventured out of the apartment. Not to mention his little apartment cameras that I have not forgotten


    about up there.


    Lexi-cam!


    I will make sure I never walk around naked in there ever again.


    ¡®Clearly.¡¯ It¡¯s a sassy smile and a flick of my damp hair that I have just left loose seeing as I am on my


    way to get it chopped and dyed. I won¡¯t rise to his bait.


    ¡®Here, I never gave you this.¡¯ He reaches into his inner jacket of that expensive dark te suit he is


    wearing today and pulls out a smooth oblong on a key chain. It looks like a matt ck pebble and holds


    it out to me on his finger, dangling while swinging sinisterly.


    ¡®What is it?¡¯ I just blink at it and don¡¯t move to take it until I know what I am epting. It looks suspect.


    ¡®The ess to the front door and side entrance, we changed out the cards and keypads for these


    swipe keys to be more secure. Each one is tagged to the user so we know who ising and going,


    and we can disable any of them singrly and remotely if one is stolen ¡­ Gino¡¯s idea. This is yours; I


    had it set upst night so you could have it today.¡¯


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Stops unwanted hostesses drunkenly breaking in, I guess.


    He is in all business mode, even if I am getting a vibe of irritated mood. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s aimed at me


    though. I think he¡¯s generally having a stressful day and it¡¯s not like him to wear his moods so openly.


    Alexi is the Lord of unreadable on any given day, so something major is up with him. I wonder if it¡¯s why


    Mico is closed down and in efficient mode among his men and hasn¡¯te to say a proper hello. The


    inner running¡¯s of ¡®Carrernd¡¯ must be getting to them today.


    ¡®Fancy.¡¯ I take it carefully, so as not to touch him, and y with it between my two hands at my waist,


    turning it over to inspect it and smoothing my thumbs over the weirdly silky rubber surface, even though


    I am more interested in what¡¯s eating him. I can feel the strange waves of somethinging off him


    that was not around himst night.


    ¡®Don¡¯t lose it. We don¡¯t have many spares.¡¯ He frowns, watching me for a second before clicking his


    fingers and motioning his hand at someone across the room toe to him. That same annoyed edge


    to his tone and I am certain that it¡¯s not me at all. He watches him walk towards us and I study his


    profile for a second, seeing the tight muscles in his jawline that scream ¡®Stressed to the max¡¯.


    I actually feel a tiny hint of sympathy for him for a moment and wonder how much he does juggle all the


    time as Commander and Chief to his family¡¯s empire. He¡¯s so young for that kind of weight, and I guess


    it exins why he is the way he is sometimes. It can¡¯t be fun being him all the time. Doing the things he


    has to and the choices he has to make. I never thought what a burden that must be when your flesh


    and blood are the ones relying on you .


    The shadowy hulk of a man in a ck suit walks over and stands dutifully beside him. Looming like


    Lurch the butler and I smile sweetly as a way of saying hello and try to paste on my friendly face. Need


    to make friends with my new entourage for an easy life.


    I give him the once-over as he genuinely smiles back kindly, and immediately see the family


    resemnce. A huge man,rger than most Carrero men I have to say, but definitely rted. Dark hair,


    the palest green eyes, like Mico only duller, and that great bone structure and handsome quality their


    family have nailed. He has toe from the same gene pool as Alexi, except this one has a kind face


    and an instantly warm manner that is more in resemnce to Gino than his twin.


    ¡®This is Jackson; he¡¯s your driver and security. Wherever you go, he goes¡ªDay or night.¡¯ Alexi


    commands in boss mode and that hint of the old him is peeking through, even beyond his weird mood.


    No nonsense¡ªthis is how it¡¯s going to be and I get no choice, but I wouldn¡¯t be me if I just agreed. I¡¯m


    not really trying to rile him; I¡¯m just voicing a dislike in his manner towards me. Making it clear for the


    get-go this isn¡¯t eptable this time¡ªinner peeking of irritation that he¡¯s already throwing demands


    around and it¡¯s been less than twenty-four hours back in his domain.


    ¡®I don¡¯t need a shadow, I¡¯m not you. I also do not happen to want one either,¡¯ I point out starchily.


    ¡®No, but you¡¯re now my partner so you will do as you¡¯re told and like it.¡¯ That edge to his voice I am no


    stranger to. He¡¯s still in there, bossy, domineering and controlling arsehole. The man I would still love to


    throat punch with a pickaxe.


    I guess it¡¯s a goodbye to the docile act already; I presume it was only until he suckered me in and got


    me to hand over my soul once more. Problem being, I am not going to y this likest time.


    ¡®Driver, fine ¡­ security, not a chance. He can wait in the car for me like a good little minion. No offence


    big guy.¡¯ I nod a smile his way as I cross my arms across my chest stubbornly and that glimmer of


    annoyance in Alexi¡¯s eye tells me he isn¡¯t as agreeable as yesterday. His cranky mood is obviously


    overpowering the fact he needs to y nice where I am concerned.


    ¡®Non-negotiable!¡¯ Alexi shes that fierce at me, clenched teeth, that low tone of ¡®do not push me on


    this¡¯ and I lift that stubborn little face of mine in instant response¡ªfire meeting fire because this time


    around he isn¡¯t pushing me about. I am not his ything or his submissive little bitch anymore.


    ¡®I have a wax appointment; should he hold up my legs when I get my bikini line done then? Hold my


    arse cheeks apart?¡¯ I smile sweetly, malice and venom in those softly uttered words of faux innocence.


    Alexi clenches his jaw tighter, that frown furrowing and his eyes darken about fifty shades of grey in a


    blink.


    He didn¡¯t really think of that, did he?


    ¡®Why are you being difficult?¡¯ It¡¯s an usation born of frustration, veiled anger and a lot of hostility


    brewing. I guess he thought I would be so thankful to be back I would be a submissive ¡®yes sir¡¯ and all


    would be forgotten. Just because I was in a pitiful situation doesn¡¯t mean I have forgotten a single thing


    about how I got there.


    He¡¯s got another thinging if he thinks I am going to be an easy ride when ites to his control


    freak traits.


    ¡®Why are you being a bossy arsehole and already trying toy down thew?¡¯ I snap back impulsively,


    standing taller in the face of a fight. Jackson looks at the floor and starts shifting on his feet


    ufortably, making it obvious he¡¯s nervous or just wishing he was anywhere but here, but I don¡¯t


    care.


    The silent stand-off and res we throw one another, atmosphere sizzling once more as our silent war


    reigns supreme. Fire and static igniting in the furious expressions, growing harsher by the second, are


    interrupted by the driver clearing his throat and Alexi seems to remember where he is.


    He drops that venomous cold look that was forming fast and seems to instantly return to a statue-like


    nothing, turning to Jackson instead.


    ¡®Take no shit from her! Don¡¯t let her lose you and wait in the salon, but not in the waxing room. If she


    gives you any attitude, throw her in the trunk with my blessing. Gag her if needs be!¡¯ He smirks as he


    says it, that sadistic tone of his that used to put the fear of God in me, but it only amuses me now. Alexi


    is pissed at me already and I can see this is going to be a great day.


    Smiling wickedly at him as I am enveloped in smugness and not caring if I am poking the beast. He


    can¡¯t do a damn thing and he knows it. I have the ability to walk away this time and I can push to my


    heart¡¯s content in that case. Maybe ying nice shouldn¡¯t be the goal. I can fuck him off as much as I


    like and he will just have to learn to live with it.


    ¡®Yes, boss.¡¯ Jackson gives me a wary look and I can already tell he is going to be a pussycat to


    manoeuvre. He doesn¡¯t exude that Alexi ferociousness, despite his size, and is giving me the vibe, he


    is a tad slow in the smarts department. Men like him are easy to handle andpletely my forte. He


    won¡¯t be hard to sway to what I want with a little tender affection, soft smiles and baby talk when I have


    bidding to be done. He¡¯s one for wrapping around my little finger and more the type of man I can


    manipte with my eyes closed.


    See, she¡¯s not dead after all. Cami is still in here waiting to find her crown once more.


    Alexi has boundaries, and as much as he hates it, I know he is weirdly anal about sticking to certain


    ones. I have all the power this time because he needs me here more than I need to be here. We both


    know that.


    It finally dawned on me in the shower earlier, while washing my hair that I am the one who gets to call


    the shots in this new arrangement; that¡¯s why he was being so amicable and agreeing to my terms ¡­


    which simmered all that I loathe about him. He knows this ce is dying a death and rather than let a


    million dribble down the drain, he just has to suck it up and let me run it. I am the best thing for it and


    like it or not, he agrees.

 Chapter 96

    Chapter 96


    It¡¯s nice to finally be appreciated, even if it¡¯s only because he was losing money. It¡¯s something anyway.


    From worthless and not wanting me around, to actually being needed on my own merits and skills and


    nothing pertaining to sex. It gives me a little feeling of something warm, maybe pride and for the first


    time in my life, I feel a little worthwhile for a talent that has nothing to do with my body or my looks.


    Something to give that¡¯s more than my flesh and something I can actually care about.


    ¡®I will max your card, just pre-warning you.¡¯ I add in afterthought, another little prod at him. I may as well


    make the most of it while I can and Alexi brings those almost colourless eyes back to mine with another


    annoyed nce.


    ¡®Whatever; just be back before seven. I need to see you before I go. We didn¡¯t finish talking.¡¯


    I nch at him.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Whatever?


    He gave me a ten grand limit card, and he doesn¡¯t care if I max it?


    I think he might be sick or maybe misheard what I just said. Or he might just be too distracted by


    whatever he has going on in his brain and I should take full advantage of it. He said whatever, after all.


    ¡®Why?¡¯ I try to distract myself from the card thing and focus on the demand that we have to have


    another little chat. I was hoping to avoid cosy one-on-ones with him so soon. I want to just find my feet


    today and get back to being the girl I thought was dead.


    ¡®I told you, we need to talk about money and I will have something for you by then that you need. I have


    a dinner after seven, so you need to be here before I go,¡¯ hemands, eyes on his phone as it


    vibrates and that furrowed brow is back on, hints of annoyance in ce ¡­ definitely not rting to me


    then. I only have half his attention today and I guess he has other matters and his focusys


    elsewhere.


    ¡®What if I am not?¡¯ I can¡¯t help it, he¡¯s too easy when there are no punishments dangling over me, and


    I¡¯m irritated that he¡¯s more interested in his phone right now. I¡¯m in a naughty mood, high on the better


    turn of luck in my life, and feeling decidedly mischievous where Carrero is concerned. I want to y


    him at his own game for a little while. Being the one calling the shots. I also demand his full attention


    when we are chatting.


    ¡®You really want to test me today?¡¯ That low tone and narrowed gaze move in fast, eyes flickering to me


    quickly, and I finally lose my bottle with that uber cool and calm pitch of his that means he¡¯s idling near


    his full-on sadistic psycho switch¡ªHis text obviously getting to him.


    There¡¯s one thing poking the bear but another thing to shove the stick entirely up its arse. I should


    remember that son of a bitch and nasty demonic prick still lingers under that sexy persona, and bear in


    mind he does snap from time to time. I should set myself some boundaries too, on how far I push. I¡¯ll


    stay healthier for longer if I do.


    ¡®Fine, I shall be here. I want to get some of my to-do list sorted tonight anyway, get back onto the night-


    time schedule and altering my sleep pattern. Better to workte and get used to my five-a.m. knock-off


    time.¡¯ I relent, letting go of the sass for now and killing him with sweetness and smiles. Alexi looks wary


    for a moment as though he doesn¡¯t trust the change in me and softens too.


    ¡®Good ¡­ Sorted. Don¡¯t bete; I don¡¯t like to be kept waiting.¡¯


    Alexi is back to oozing charm, yet that tone is still on the offensive, smiling as though he is joking but


    there¡¯s that warning edge in there. That look that says, ¡®I¡¯m still the devil underneath¡¯.


    ¡®Nice to see you back on form, I was starting to forget what a dickhead you are.¡¯ I wink at him and then


    brush past, waving my hands at Jackson to follow me like a good little puppy dog. Satisfied in the look


    that Alexi gives me on my departure. Aplete deadpan, unamused frown that equates to nothing


    much, but the way he follows my progression out the door with his eyes tells me it got to him more than


    he¡¯s letting on.


    He¡¯s very sensitive since I came back, and not for the first time I wonder what went on in the four


    months that I haven¡¯t been around. He¡¯s off his game in a lot of subtle ways, and I am picking up on it


    because it¡¯s not the Alexi I left behind four months ago¡ªsomething has changed. I just can¡¯t put my


    finger on it.


    ¡®Chop, chop, luv. I have a hair appointment to get to.¡¯ I click my fingers in the air, full on bossy queen


    mode and rush out the door with renewed happiness and a smile.


    My driver obediently tails me, and I don¡¯t stop to look back when I get to the front door.


    Tapping my newly manicured pearlescent grey nails on the bar and throwing back my glossy red vixen


    hair I missed so much, I feel like the old me once more. I sit gracefully sipping the red wine I poured


    myself and patiently watch the cleaners running around with buckets of solution and cloths, as they


    wipe down every surface in sight. They have apparently been at it all day and this ce stinks of


    bleach and cleaning products, so much so it¡¯s stinging my eyes, but it¡¯s a whole lot fresher and I can


    actually see, now the new lights have been installed overhead.


    The bar is gleaming, and every chrome fitting in sight is mirror sparkling. Somehow, with the switchover


    of bulbs, the room feels cosier, less stale and musty, and the man who came to inspect for mould has


    treated a couple of areas ready for the repaint. The air is breathable once more and I had them burn all


    the bedding from the boudoirs this morning, out in the car lot ¡­ along with that filthy vibrator.


    There¡¯s a whopping chandelier over my head, giving a soft glow to the surroundings, and the new low


    lights on the wall sconces are making this ce feel sexy once more, rather than gloomy.


    There¡¯s a note from the electrician on the pad by the till informing me he thinks the electrics don¡¯t need


    a thorough exam as he found no evidence of moisture in the wiring from the previous flood, but a few of


    my switches should be reced because they are faulty. Something else I need to get on top of. I don¡¯t


    like this idea that something is not right and it¡¯s something Joanne should have resolved before months


    had passed. Faulty switches are deadly.


    I¡¯m feeling decidedly more like Cami, dressed in a ck Gi dress that hugs me like a second skin


    from knee to neck, it has long sleeves and is deliciously clingy, over high ck stilettos and a simple


    gold belt at my waist. I feel good. I look a million times better and my long sleek hair has been


    pampered into gorgeous submission by the talented ire from my hair salon.


    I even managed to hide a lot of the mess on my face with a facial and a new bag of makeup from my


    favourite boutique and Sephora. Spent a fortune on the top-up, although I was annoyed to find my


    trademark red lipstick has changed shade subtly and I have no idea what happened to my old one. I


    never found it after leaving here. I guess it got left behind and binned.


    Cami is staring back at me from the mirrored wall behind the bottles on the shelves behind the bar


    and I can¡¯t help but smile at her gleefully, happier than I ever thought I would be to see her again. It¡¯s


    divine in a way, like a long-lost friend, signalling better times.


    Finger¡¯s crossed anyway.


    ¡®You look familiar.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s smooth tone falls over me as he appears in the reflection behind me and


    moves to sit beside me on the stool casually, giving me a thorough look over and breaking into a wide


    smile. A genuine looking one that brings out those hidden dimples and for a moment he¡¯s very Gino.


    Too charming for my liking, he has that air of predator on the prowl, always hidden in the depths; I re-


    cross my legs and turn to face him morefortably,ying my ss down. No reaction other than a


    raised brow.


    ¡®Andpletely out of bounds,¡¯ I add as a warning, reminding him that no matter what, ¡®No touching¡¯ is


    a deal breaker. It gives me instant delight to see that smile drop into hisp to be reced with a tiny


    frown, and he looks back towards the club from where he came with a heavy sigh for a moment.


    ¡®You¡¯rete.¡¯ I point out leaning over to tap his watch with one pointed acrylic fingernail annoyingly, and


    he just shrugs at me wickedly, not moving his overly expensive watch away from piercing talons.


    ¡®I said you couldn¡¯t be ¡­ I didn¡¯t say anything about me.¡¯ He smirks and goes back to that happy


    twinkle in his eye he came in with. He¡¯s definitely lost his bad mood from earlier and it seems riling one


    another is a two-way hobby. Smug arsehole likes doing it as much as I do.


    Wanker!


    He hasn¡¯t changed that anyway, keeping me waiting as though I have nothing better to do with my day


    except hang around for his entrance. He likes to feel important.


    ¡®You look good ¡­ nice to see this back.¡¯ He raises a hand as though he¡¯s going to run his fingers down


    a strand of my hair and then halts mid-air, putting it down and turning in towards the bar toy his arms


    there instead. A strange twitch to that squared-off clean-shaven jawline of his.


    I guess the no touching thing was forgotten for a moment but he¡¯s ying nice and respecting that


    boundary, for now at least. I have no doubts that along with the temporary reasonable behaviour, it will


    soon fizzle away, and I need to get my shit together to handle him when he starts being his devious self


    once more. Not that I don¡¯t think he¡¯s being that way now, he never does anything without prior thought,


    and I know there¡¯s got to be a reason behind the lull in sadistic since I saw him again. It¡¯s brimming


    under the surface and itching to be let out.


    ¡®So ¡­ You wanted a little chat about money and said you had something for me! What ¡­ a cage? A


    new set of handcuffs?¡¯ I jest, bringing this conversation away from my appearance, trying to lighten the


    heaviness of the air between us now we are shoulder to shoulder. Alexi just avoids looking back at me,


    smirking as he points to a booze bottle, and the shadow that came with him skirts behind the bar to


    pour him a drink dutifully.


    I have no clue how he would survive without his ever-attentive minions at his beck and call. He is too


    used to throwing around silent orders and I wonder what he would be like if he ever had to survive


    alone and penniless the way I have. I don¡¯t know if he could. As scary as he is and masterful in his


    world, I couldn¡¯t see him thriving as a street rat with nothing and no one, the way I did for years.


    ¡®I have mywyer drafting a contract with all your ¡®suggestions¡¯¡¯ he says it very sassily and throws me a


    naughty nce, knowing fine they are demands and non-negotiable¡ªA little grudged nudge.


    ¡®Hmm,¡¯ I am not biting though.


    ¡®How about I pay you a lump sum, set amount per month until the club starts improving, and then we


    can talk over the profit margins and what you are entitled to as half partner when it starts rolling in?


    Name your price, within reason, London.¡¯ He looks over me again; something he is having a hard time


    stopping while sitting here and, in a way, it pleases me. He obviously still likes what he sees. I should


    use that to torment him now he can¡¯t do anything about it anymore.

 Chapter 97

    Chapter 97


    I guess the feeling is mutual, he looks devilish in a sexy way still.


    And we are back to that little pet name of his that I dislike so much. I stare at him for a long moment,


    wondering what he has up his sleeve with such a generous offer, and tap my nails on the bar


    impatiently; Brain in overdrive and not afraid to be shameless.


    ¡®Triple what you paid me before. Seeing as I am no longer hostess and I will make this club better than


    it ever was. New York!¡¯ I throw my new pet name at him. If it¡¯s good enough for the goose, then it¡¯s


    good enough for the gander.


    I have the upper hand; if he really wants me here then he won¡¯t argue. Triple is probably a little greedy


    but I think I deserve it after all the shit he put me through. It also means if I save and end up back on


    the dump then I have instant funding to get far away from here. Backup n in motion. I¡¯m going to


    tuck away enough cash to make sure I never end up back in the meat packing district or end up


    working for another Joe.


    He narrows that gaze on me and then breaks into a sly smile and taps his own palm on the bar,


    mimicking me.


    ¡®Just triple? I was expecting you to ask for a hell of a lot more. Deal! I¡¯ll get it sent over first thing. Now


    come on. I have something upstairs for you.¡¯ He jumps to his feet, done with this now he thinks it¡¯s


    settled and starts to head off, but I am not going anywhere just yet, instantly annoyed.


    ¡®Wow, wait! ¡­ Who said I was done here? If more money is on the table then I am not just agreeing to


    that,¡¯ I retort childishly, metaphorically stamping my foot, simmering severe annoyance. I should have


    asked for more.


    ¡®Already did! Should have aimed higher, baby. Triple until a profites rolling in. End of conversation.¡¯


    It¡¯s that husky, no more chatter and ¡®I am boss¡¯ tone that I bloody hate¡ªI grit my teeth as burning anger


    circles in my stomach.


    Conversation is futile when he has his mind set, and I am in no mood for a fight after a good afternoon


    and a great mood. I have to stop myself breaking into full-on ¡®NOT A CHANCE¡¯ mode and instead try


    and simmer.


    ¡®FINE! Well, in that case, you better keep your credit card topped up because I have expenses that I


    need taking care of while I reinvent myself and revive the redhead.¡¯ I sulk haughtily, hating how he


    managed to manoeuvre me so quickly back under control and took over our negotiation. I am


    supposed to be wearing the trousers in this, not him. The control freak needs to learn a thing or two


    about backing down and staying there.


    ¡®Looks red to me.¡¯ Another sh of smug smiles and I can¡¯t do anything except follow him out of the bar


    because he is still walking off, regardless of my not moving. He isn¡¯t waiting and if I sit here to prove a


    point he will just go to his dinner and I won¡¯t know what it is he has to give me. He is obviously setting


    limits on what hold I have over him ¡­ and I guess he also just retracted his credit card.


    Total Tosser! That didn¡¯tst long.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    I should have known I would still have to battle him on some level, he¡¯s incapable of ever just letting go


    and behaving himself.


    My curiosity is getting the better of me and I slide down to totter after him on overly high heels without


    making it obvious I am hurrying to catch up. It¡¯s been months since I was constantly on shoes like this


    and walking is something I have to learn all over again when perched on five-inch heels.


    I do love sexy shoes though and I like the fact I am not such a tiny next to Giant Kingpin when I have a


    few inches to bring my nose nearer his. He¡¯s annoyingly tall.


    Alexi is standing holding the lift door open when I catch up and slink past him with my head held high.


    Avoiding his eyes as they run up and down my body for the umpteenth time in my very tight little


    number, ande back to rest on my face as he lets the door go to slide shut. He punches in the 3rd


    floor button for the office and then leans back against the opposite wall, eyes eating into me brashly


    and I cross my arms across my chest to stare at the chrome doors and our slightly distorted reflection


    ¡ªdoing my best to appear unaffected by the eye raping.


    ¡®You do look good. I meant that and I like this.¡¯ He motions to my outfit and I just nce his way with a


    disinterested smile. Not caring if he did or didn¡¯t, he doesn¡¯t get to choose how I dress this time around.


    I never chose it for his benefit and I have no shits to give either way.


    ¡®It¡¯s because I have ss and taste. You¡¯re not used to it after spending months with Hoe-anne.¡¯ It¡¯s


    heavily toned with sarcasm. I just can¡¯t stop taking bites at Joanne, like an itch I have to scratch


    because even though I¡¯m here, I still haven¡¯t forgiven him for anything that went on before I left here. I


    still harbour so many resentments about everything, and it¡¯s what I will use to continue to keep my


    distance when ites to him.


    Alexiughs under his breath, extremely amused at my jibe and says nothing about it. We resort to


    silence as we climb up two floors in the very small enclosure. I can smell him from here, more so than


    sitting in the bleach-fumed bar¡ªAftershave, body wash and his own personal scent. He likes citrus and


    subtle spice and all together it makes for an alluringbination.


    When the doors open on the third floor Mico greets us with a smile. He¡¯s leaning against the doorframe


    to the office and there are another couple of security guards perched on the desk with the bank of


    monitors to the right. I am happy to see the two uniformed men sitting behind that are distinctively


    Carrero and I guess he only trusts blood to watch his club from here on in. I wonder whatever


    happened to the guard from before, the one who let that arsehole try to take me, and shiver with the


    obvious answer.


    Alexi would have extracted whatever information he needed and then literally cut him loose. Not


    breathing and weighed down with concrete boots in the bottom of the river probably. I wonder if he ever


    sorted the Santagato issue out and if I am still in danger bying back here.


    Although, knowing Alexi, he is a lot more inventive with ways to get rid of baggage. I presume with his


    sadistic mind he probably has more fun than just disposing of them.


    I follow him out and walk past Mico with a warm smile, always genuinely happy to see him. He grew on


    me a long while back and I don¡¯t harbour anything but real genuine feelings of care when I see him. It¡¯s


    nothing like what I felt for Alexi, more like sibling affection, if I knew what that was, and even though he


    looks a lot like him and is a very handsome man. There is just no attraction there at all. Life would be a


    lot simpler if he and I gelled that way, and he had no fianc¨¦e to speak of; but the sad truth is, I¡¯m just


    not interested in Mico beyond friendship. I adore him; I may even have a sort of love for him. I feel safe


    with him and I know I can trust him in every way. He genuinely has a good heart.


    I hate myself for thinking this, but ¡­ he¡¯s not Alexi.


    I was always a sucker for a powerful and dangerous path and Alexi is exactly that.


    Get a grip, Cami.


    ¡®Looking good Cami, nice to see you again,¡¯ he grins and flicks my hair as I pass and earns himself a


    head turn from Alexi in front of me. I only see the side of his face but it¡¯s a filthy look and I guess he


    hates that his toy won¡¯t let him touch, but Mico can. He must be furious with that little detail as we all


    know how much he likes to be the lord of all things. Mico however,pletely nks it.


    To add salt to the wound I stop to pat Mico on the arm and give him a little twirl of my new dress to


    show it off¡ª can¡¯t bypass annoying Kingpin Carrero.


    ¡®You like?¡¯ I wiggle my hips and lift my heel to show off my sexy ck patent Louboutin shoes, making


    a real show in modelling for him, and Mico gives me a mock wolf-whistle in response.


    ¡®Definitely ¡­ nice to see you back to how you were. This ce has been severelycking in beautiful


    redheads.¡¯ Mico hits full boyish smile and it¡¯s cut short by the sharp-toned, anger-filled voice in the


    office ringing our way.


    ¡®You done? I haven¡¯t got all day!¡¯ Alexi sounds pissed and a tad green-eyed, and I giggle under my


    breath as I make my way in getting a small shake of the head and knowing smile from Mico. He knows


    what I was doing, and he finds his cousin¡¯s reaction equally funny¡ªmy ally in annoying all things Alexi.


    It¡¯s what he deserves.


    ¡®Shut the door,¡¯ Alexi snaps at me as I get inside, and I just can¡¯t stop the smile spreading across my


    face at his irritation. It¡¯s obvious I still have some skills at getting under his skin. He is behind the desk


    at the wall where his safe is, body poised with a hint of angry stiffness and I slide the door shut until it


    clicks quietly, smug, before walking over to stand in front of it.


    Alexi res at me for a second, cold and unamused, and then goes to the painting which conceals the


    steel door of the office safe and punches in the code to open it, before scanning his thumb.


    Alexi has a double wall safe in here¡ªinside the mainrge space is another concealed door which is


    activated by his thumbprint alone. It clicks internally and I watch him pull out a bag from deep within


    that¡¯s about the size of a shoe box; he pulls it out steadily, supporting the weight carefully. I forget my


    fun and be intrigued with a package this size; he implied it was for me, so I perch against the desk


    to watch him.


    He keeps his more sensitive things in the inner safe and only Mico and I are ever present when he


    opens it. I figure his brother designed this for him some time ago¡ªMr high tech who thinks of


    everything his underworld twin would need to protect himself in criminal doings. Ifw enforcement ever


    got into his safe, they would never know the part behind existed and I know he has the same system in


    the one in his bedroom. I have seen him leave it sitting open when I stayed there before. Not that he


    uses the bedroom safe that often or that I am in there frequently, but I remember.


    He brings the velvet ck bag and deposits it on the desk, right in the middle, motioning with a finger at


    me toe to him and I do as I am told without hesitation. Too engrossed on whatever is in that bag to


    think about defying him.


    I¡¯ve always been a curious little kitty; it¡¯s why I always get in so much trouble.


    Alexi moves over so Ie to stand in front of the bag on the desk beside him as he leans and pulls


    out the contents carefully, stretching in front of me so his shoulder and arm almost graze me. I move


    back a little apprehensively.


    First thing I see, with a small sharp inhale, immediate unease hitting hard, is thepact, dainty ck


    handgun he draws out of a ck leather holster and holds it up sideways in front of my face. My mouth


    goes dry and my hands tremble as I am filled with severe nervousness.


    I nce from it to him in hesitation, heart hammering instantly and body rippling with goosebumps born


    of trepidation, unsure what the fuck he¡¯s doing.


    He lookspletely deadpan.


    ¡®Why are you giving me that?¡¯ I ask in mild panic, suddenly afraid and alert all at the same time. Guns


    and I, in his presence, don¡¯t bode well.

 Chapter 98

    Chapter 98


    My suspicious brain immediately jumps to the worst kind of conclusions and I pale ¡­ blood running icy


    cold through my veins as my breathingbours.


    The thought that maybe he wants me to finish the job I didn¡¯t do very wellst time I put a gun to my


    head flits through my mind. Maybe he¡¯s arming me so next time I can just do it somewhere alone where


    he won¡¯t have to sit and watch or feel obliged to intervene.


    I try to pull my head out of the gutter, but my trembling hands and light head are hitting me with all sorts


    of warnings. Alexi doesn¡¯t seem fazed at all.


    ¡®It¡¯s for you, take it. I need to show you how to handle it.¡¯ He just carries on as though he¡¯s oblivious to


    myplete freak-out.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want it!¡¯ It¡¯s out as fast as a lightning bolt, panic hitting hard, and no matter what he has going


    on in that clever head I am avoiding it at all costs.


    ¡®I don¡¯t care. I need you to carry one from now on. I need you to befortable handling it.¡¯ He holds it


    at breast level trying to get me to take it by holding it practically against me and when I don¡¯t, he grabs


    my hand and lifts it before depositing it forcefully in my palm.


    ¡®No touching,¡¯ I snap at him, anger overtaking fear and p the gun in his chest to hand it back.


    Snapping stupidly, but I am terrified of this beast.


    ¡®Stop being fucking stupid then,¡¯ he snaps right back at me, grabbing it from me and repeats that same


    forceful movement. Giving me no choice in this and makes me hold this infernal hunk of metal against


    my wishes.


    I knew it wouldn¡¯t take long for the prick to break the hands-off rule and I should use his bloody gun to


    bitch p him in the face.


    ¡®Fine!¡¯ I snap yanking it from his grasp, if only to stop his handsy behaviour, and hold it by the trigger


    with my thumb and forefinger so it dangles below my hand like a dirty rag. Making a show of


    disobedience and not really wanting to hold another gun in my life, ever again. I am still traumatised


    from thest time and it¡¯s no better than holding a severed head; I am not about to start Lara Crofting it


    in the office because he has lost his god damn mind.


    He erupts at me, disintegrating hisst threads of held temper.


    ¡®Jesus Christ! I am trying to protect you Cam, for once stop being a pain in the fucking ass and let me


    do that. You¡¯re my business partner now, not my hostess and that makes you a target more so than


    before. I need you to be able to protect yourself in case anything like before happens again. It was a


    close call and one where we¡¯re lucky I intervened when I did!¡¯ He is losing his shit with me, yelling and I


    just shake my head at him, spitting nails and venom all in one go. My self-defence system has kicked in


    and it¡¯s overflowing with defiance and hostility, my body pulsating with energy and ready to ram it down


    his throat if he keeps pushing.


    ¡®Don¡¯t fucking talk to me like that. I don¡¯t need to put up with your shit this time and I won¡¯t have you


    yelling at me or man-handling me like a bloody doll.¡¯ I drop it on the table dramatically, so it thuds and


    gouges the expensive wooden surface cruelly. I turn to march away, but he yanks me back by the


    upper arm, almost knocking me into the seat behind with the force, and lets me go instantly when I turn


    in full fury at himshing out with well-aimed ps at those hands.


    ¡®What part of NO fucking touching, do you not get?¡¯ I yell louder than he can, and this time he stops,


    grits his teeth and silently and murderously stares me down. Unmoving and it¡¯s obvious he is probably


    envisioning choking me to death over his newly scratched walnut desk. Both of us stiff and facing each


    other aggressively.


    ¡®Look!!¡¯ It¡¯s that insane psycho tone through clenched teeth and I cross my arms over my chest in a


    show of indifference. Alexi takes a long slow and deliberate inhale, I guess trying to simmer that


    infamous temper he has going on and moves a little agitatedly; Flexing his shoulders, unclenching


    teeth and staring to his left for a moment to reel in his thoughts and fire. I can physically see him putting


    one hundred and ten percent effort into not turning prick on my ass and it¡¯s pretty weird to feel in


    control this way.


    I can see why he likes it. I get a little buzz.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    The Alexi from before would have tied me to his desk by now and reduced me to quivering tears while


    he watched in evil satisfaction. He seems to be really trying hard not to repeat previous performances


    and it boosts my sense of confidence around him. Whatever I missed in four months, it¡¯s obvious, Alexi


    has told himself that he can¡¯t repeat what he did to me before. His club depends on me being here, and


    he is aware that treating me differently is a must.


    He takes another calming breath and turns back to me, those grey eyes stormier than hell because he


    is obviously furious, and this time with a more even tone starts again. Controlling himself amazingly


    well, considering.


    ¡®I need you to bepliant and just not make this a fight. I am trying to do what¡¯s best for you, so you


    can return to this life without a cloud of threat.¡¯ He sounds reasonable, but the grit in the look tells me


    he is still simmering and on the verge of snapping. His words, however, make my stomach flip over with


    the realisation that Santagato may still be a real danger.


    ¡®You really think someone will try to get at me again?¡¯ This thought hadn¡¯t crossed my mind ining


    back here but I guess it¡¯s usible. Santagato is still out there, and if I am back and someone


    important once more, then maybe Alexi is right. Having something like this on me should I ever find


    myself in that situation again would level my chances of getting out alive. I hesitate and eyes flicker to


    the gun as he picks it up again¡ªbrain torn in two as I internally battle being okay with this. Forcing


    down the urge to reject and try to cool my impulsive temper.


    Small andpact, it looks like it¡¯s been made for a woman with a sleek designed handle with a tiny


    pearl iy on the side of it. It¡¯s almost pretty, even for a clunking piece of metal that could destroy lives.


    I shiver when he holds it up again and this time, I take it properly and carefully from his firm hand


    without argument, eyes glued to the piece. Even while my heart and hands mirror one another with


    quivering tremors.


    ¡®Hold it out in front of you, point it over there. I want to see how you hold it, how you stand with it.¡¯ Alexi


    nods to the far corner of the room of the outer wall, and I turn to do as he says, breath hitching because


    this makes me more nervous than I care to admit. He can surely feel me trembling with how closely he


    hase to stand beside me, and for once, he isn¡¯t the cause of my bodily reactions.


    Holding it in one hand, it¡¯s a lot lighter than Alexi¡¯s gun and feels weirdly small and cold in my clenched


    palm. A better fit than his was. Arm shaking because I am so scared of having one of these in my grasp


    once more and jump when Alexi slides behind me to lean over my shoulder and see the gun from my


    perspective.


    Ipletely freeze as his body heat flows over my entire spine and his breath hits my neck. That


    internal trigger of fear at a humaning in at me from behind and I stop breathing.


    ¡®Sorry.¡¯ Alexi clears his throat and moves back to the side of me, seemingly picking up on the change in


    my bodynguage and I blink at him in disbelief. Eyes ncing from the gun to him and back again


    sheepishly; confused for a moment that he would remember, and actually care enough to move. It


    knocks me off bnce and I can¡¯t stop blinking his way, unsure whether that was a genuine moment or


    a calcted one and it sends my stomach into hysteria.


    I shouldn¡¯t think about it.


    Let it go Cami. This is how he always starts messing with your head. Do not care!


    He angles in to extend an arm along mine so his warmth is like a second skin, and adjusts the way I


    have the gun nestled in my hand, pulling it back slightly so it¡¯s not so outstretched. I lose focus on the


    death machine and be fully aware of how he is touching me and leaning against me, igniting


    sensations that I am not weing.


    He¡¯s close enough to breathe him in and try as I might to look at the gun in my hand, I am overly aware


    of him right in against me as he directs. So close his face is almost pressed to mine, and even though


    he isn¡¯t meant to be touching me, almost every part of his upper body is against me as he crouches to


    my height to see the way I am holding the gun.


    My traitorous body tingling, igniting and jumping between fear and excitement inplete confusion ¡­


    it¡¯s crazily intimate even though it¡¯s not meant to be.


    Shit.


    He still makes me hot and wanton.


    I drop the gun in his hand and slide away as fast as I can, losing my nerve and back out of his space


    quickly. Knowing when I am too close to the sun to keep flying.


    ¡®I can¡¯t do this right now. I umm ¡­¡¯


    I cannot think of a decent excuse to not have him pressed against me with a gun lesson. Alexi just


    regards me emotionlessly and butts in while I¡¯m scrambling to get away.


    ¡®I need you to befortable carrying this as soon as possible. Here.¡¯ He ignores the weirdness of my


    behaviour and pulls out a strange strap looking concoction of leather and metal buckles, and that¡¯s it¡ªI


    am totally done.


    ¡®Yeah, kinky is not on, baby. Get the fuck away from me.¡¯ I make to leg it around his desk hurriedly, and


    Alexi eyerolls dramatically.


    ¡®Fuck sake, Cam! It¡¯s a holster. You wear it under your dress around your hips so the gun nestles


    there.¡¯ He nods between my legs and I look down in rm at the thigh gap I know is under there,


    rmed that people would want to put it near their intimate parts. I am not really wanting that hunk of


    metal wedged in the entrance to my Vajayjay. Imagine if I tripped and fell.


    Ouch!


    ¡®I figured with the kind of clothes you wear this would be concealed and handy to reach should you ever


    need it.¡¯


    That actually stops me in my tracks; the fact he thought about this. Thought about me and how I could


    carry something to protect myself.


    Stop caring!


    ¡®You want me to carry that all the time?¡¯ I don¡¯t know what else to say, except start questioning to cover


    up the emotional meltdown I seem to be having; Pissed at myself for letting him knock me off kilter over


    a dumb bloody gun.


    ¡®You were attacked right here under my nose, in my own domain¡ªso yes, all the time.¡¯ There¡¯s


    bitterness to his statement.


    ¡®Are you sure I am the most stable person to hand that thing to? How do you know I won¡¯t shoot you?¡¯


    Or myself?


    It¡¯s meant as sarcasm butes out more genuine than I intend, emotion cracking mid-sentence, and


    my eyes well up with a sudden overwhelming surge. Alexi¡¯s facepletely softens as he clicks why I


    might have a real issue with this.


    Finally!


    ¡®Because you didn¡¯t when you had the chance, and if I thought you were emotionally unstable, I


    wouldn¡¯t be doing this. I trust you.¡¯


    I almost faint at that revtion.


    Now I know he is messing with my head and I shake mine at him as that moment of weakness is


    pushed away by the street-smart side. The part that almost fell for his little well yed move blushes in


    shame as the rebel in me res hatefully at her.


    ¡®Sure you do. The worthless whore who would jump at the next offer and stab you in the back to get a


    step up in this world,¡¯ I spit it out, reminding him of his own words bitterly, the sound of theming


    back to haunt me and hate myself when a tear bites and fills my vision more sessfully. I look away


    trying to shake the memory, hating that it¡¯s only taken him less than two days, and he is already getting


    under my skin in a way I swore I would never let him again.


    This was such a bad idea and I should just walk now before I get in too deep again. He¡¯s obviously too


    good at this.


    ¡®I should never have said those things to you. It¡¯s not what I think anymore and I apologise ¡­ Now


    please, Cam ¡­ I need you to take this and let¡¯s start again.¡¯ He sounds soft and caring with that low


    husky tone, pitched sexily for effect.


    It¡¯s the impersonal delivery of the apology that makes me re at him. The insincerity of it and now I


    know he¡¯s only saying what he thinks I need to hear and putting no effort into it. He¡¯s trying to rally me


    into what he wants me to do and using gentle words and tender expressions instead of force. A new


    tactic he¡¯s learned in my absence no doubt.


    I snatch up the gun and the holster and step away haughtily.


    ¡®Pretty sure Mico can help. He is a proficient gun man, I hear. Thanks.¡¯ I am not hanging around doing


    this and I turn to leave with my head on distance and space and getting Alexi¡¯s feel off of my skin. I


    would rather take lessons with someone whose touch doesn¡¯t remind me how much I miss having sex


    ¡­ with him.


    Urghhh!


    ¡®Are you going to find a fight in everything I do?¡¯ It¡¯s almost in exasperation, his voice losing the


    softness and instead he just sounds tired. Alexi the great sounds exhausted and it makes me falter as I


    leg it to the door; I turn back and nce his way.


    I¡¯m not prepared for the way he¡¯s looking at me and for a moment I feel guilty ¡­ even though I have no


    reason to be. He¡¯s eating me with his eyes, so pale and haunting under a furrowed brow that gives him


    a lost wounded boy look¡ªa look of remorse that is probably not real; and something else. A longing


    that I don¡¯t know what to ce it on. Probably just for me to behave if I know him. The look spurs a


    moment of unveiled honesty from me by this mouth, which sometimes acts without thought and I cringe


    as ites out.


    ¡®I don¡¯t trust you. I don¡¯t want to be hurt by you again.¡¯ It¡¯s out breathily despite myself, and I look away


    when I realise I said it out loud to the one person you should never give emotional weapons to. I may


    as well throw myself out the window because I did what I swore I wouldn¡¯t do¡ªgive him ammunition


    once more.


    I¡¯m such an idiot.

 Chapter 99

    Chapter 99


    Alexi looks at me for a long pause then softy exhales and looks down to break eye contact, eyebrows


    dipping further, and for a second, he just looks weary and almost human ¡­ A little lowering of his


    infernal armour to show something real. I just stay rooted to my spot, cradling my odd gifts against my


    chest and can¡¯t look away from him.


    So much tension sizzling in the air.


    ¡®Do you think I would give you half my club if my intention was to hurt you again?¡¯ He doesn¡¯t look me


    in the eyes this time, eyes on his desk as he leans down and ttens his palm on the surface where I


    took a huge chunk out of the wood by throwing the gun on it, but he doesn¡¯t look annoyed. He just rests


    on his arms and leans forward, losing that intimidation in this casual stance and I loosen my hold on the


    bundle in my arms.


    I don¡¯t know why, but the change in atmosphere and the way he¡¯s acting lowers my guard too, and for


    once I feel like we are having ourselves a truly honest conversation¡ªWithout malice.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know.¡¯ It¡¯s the truth, even if I shouldn¡¯t be giving it to him.


    ¡®I need you here. I know you can walk at any time, so I¡¯m not going to make the same mistakes that I


    did. I know I¡¯m responsible for how it ended and I regret that, whether you believe me or not.¡¯ I swallow


    hard as a lump lodges in my throat at his words, and yet still cannot tear my eyes from his downward


    tilted face, watching intensely for truth. He seems to be sincere. My heart hitches up in speed once


    more and the good old mmy handse back, along with little flutters in my stomach. He really


    knows how to get maximum reactions from me.


    Finally, hees back up at me and it¡¯s like being caught in that spell all over again¡ªthe steady lock


    of soft eyes and a haunting look that draws you in powerfully. Alexi has a gift for enamouring women


    and pulling you to him like a ma with the subtlest of actions, and I am not sure if that is what this is,


    or something deeper between us. He would be a great vampire. I shiver and break it by looking away,


    never falling for that shit again, real or not. I can¡¯t and won¡¯t ever walk on that thin ice and try to kid


    myself it can stand under the weight. My heart is not as strong as it once was thanks to him, so I need


    to be extra protective of it.


    ¡®If that¡¯s true then stick to the rules. No touching. Keep your distance. Let me do my job. I¡¯ll learn to


    trust you one day if you stick to what I ask.¡¯ My voice is shaky and low and it¡¯s obvious that I am getting


    emotional, stupidly letting him see, but this is what he¡¯s always been good at; Undermining my bestid


    ns and screwing me up. My only defence is that he adheres to what I haveid down.


    ¡®Then you need to let me protect you in the ways I know how. Trust that in this I know better. This is my


    world, Cam; listen to me when ites to your safety. It¡¯s the one area I have never given you reason


    to doubt me. You have to admit that when it came to protecting you, you could always trust me to do it.¡¯


    He is almost pleading with me and I know I can¡¯t argue with what he is saying. When shit hit the fan, he


    always looked after me. He swooped in more than once to do so, and when things went sour, I always


    felt safe from the outside world around him.


    I relent, letting the items drop to hang in front of my waist with a loose hold as heart and head finally


    join forces and I just feel incredibly bad for making him upset. If that¡¯s what this is.


    ¡®Are you going to teach me how to fire it too?¡¯ It¡¯s my way of saying he wins. Backing down and


    epting that in this, I trust him. Mico may be willing to teach me, but Alexi is the one who wants to. If


    this is going to work then maybe I have to give a little. Get used to working and being around him in


    some sort of amicable way.


    My gut is telling me that this is his way of showing he is trying too, that maybe it is different from before.


    ¡®I can take you to the shooting range as many times as you need to getfy with it ¡­ whenever you


    want. Bring it over here. I don¡¯t want you carrying it until you¡¯re confident with it. It¡¯s not loaded but still,


    it can stay in the safe until we can spend more time with it and I at least want you to learn how to hold it


    properly before I leave.¡¯ That soft haziness is lifting from his tone and manner, and bossy pants is


    starting to move back in. Alexi in control is hisfort zone and he likes it when I don¡¯tbat his


    orders.


    ¡®Who knew you would be Mr Gun safety?¡¯ I jest a little to break the tension but do as hemands and


    walk back to him to hand it over. He avoids touching me this time and takes it carefully.


    Clicking and pushing something he pulls out an inner long sleeve from the handle and turns it around to


    show me an empty little chamber, holder thing. Completely hollow and has nothing inside.


    ¡®Not loaded. I wouldn¡¯t put something dangerous in your hand until I knew you could handle it.¡¯ He


    pushes it back into the space it came from until it clicks and turns it to face me again, handle out for me


    to take expectantly. There is something a little sexy about his easy handling of a weapon, even if it¡¯s


    small for his hands, and I have to shake myself to stop gazing at him holding it. He is far too


    comfortable with a firearm for my liking and it just reminds me that he carries one often.


    ¡®Now hold it up and point it like a good girl to get used to how it feels. Move it around, get to know it. It


    needs to be an extension to you so that you will never fear picking it up. You have to learn to trust


    that it can save your ass.¡¯


    I take it slowly and point it first at the wall then swing to him with a mischievous smile, trying for cocky,


    pointing at him for a second and then lose my nerve as memory takes over and drop it to face down


    completely. A sudden sh of panic and stomach-churning ache as I remember what that night felt like


    and have to choke back the well of emotion that threatens to make me cry.


    ¡®I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever befy with this, it¡¯s pointless,¡¯ I say dejectedly.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t even flinch, even when it was facing him. Although he knew it was empty, it would still


    make me nervous if he pointed an empty gun at me. He doesn¡¯t seem to care. In fact, he drops back


    into that tender way of talking as though he realises my barrier is more mental scarring than anything


    else.


    ¡®It¡¯s new to you; you¡¯re not used to how it feels. You have a fear that will fade. Understandably. People


    assume handling a gun is easy¡ªit¡¯s not. Ites with so many feelings and thoughts, and a huge


    responsibility. I promise you, there is nothing to be afraid of with this gun, in this room, with me. I would


    never let anything happen to you. Pick it up and point over there.¡¯


    What he says triggers a memory and as I try to pick out what it was in his sentence that stirred a weird


    spike in my chest, he starts pushing me towards the wall again and tries to position me beside him.


    Head being pulled back from conversation to actions.


    He¡¯s persistent anyway and I obey, tensing when he guides me by the waist to right against his side,


    but this time he doesn¡¯t lean against me as before and keeps the gap enough to let me breathe.


    Moving in to direct, this time without further touch, and I forget all the previous row.


    ¡®Drop it in height slightly; you want it level with your shoulder. Pull it in so you have control and both


    hands on it to keep it steady until you get used to the weight.¡¯ Alexi is in tutor mode andpletely


    focused on how I am standing, eyes running over me as I get limatise to it in my hand.


    It feels weird and my nerves are still all over the ce, body trembling, yet somehow with him right


    here making sure I can do this, I feel better about it.


    Knowing it¡¯s empty, knowing he is very well versed in gun handling is somehow reassuring; I don¡¯t miss


    the irony that Alexi can have me here holding a gun, just months after that night, and make me feel


    utterly safe and in control.


    He really is a head fuck and a half.


    ¡®Okay, press here, that click and little catch. That¡¯s your safety. When that¡¯s on like it is, the gun won¡¯t


    fire. I want you to flick it on and off right now until you can do it without thinking ¡­ an automatic


    response to picking up your gun. Otherwise, it¡¯s pointless even doing so.¡¯ He directs me to a little lever


    that I can reach with my thumb and I do as he says. Flicking it on and off until my thumb gets tired from


    the effort and my whole hand aches from fatigue. I nce up at him; his eyes focused on my hand and


    take a moment to really study his profile when he is so still and transfixed.


    He¡¯s the exact same as he was months ago. Clean-shaven, a little too gorgeous for mere mortals, with


    soulless grey eyes, yet there¡¯s a hint of something new I never noticed before.


    He feels my eyes on him and nces at me for a second, locking onto my blues and I see it more


    intensely. A weird softness in ce of what used to be utter cold. It¡¯s around his eyes, his mouth, that


    icy, harsh and sadistic that I always saw there seems to have calmed a little, and when he looks at me,


    instead of hatred, I can¡¯t decipher what is there instead. Something that turns my insides to mush. I


    lose my nerve and look back at the gun, heart fluttering strangely and once again a little breathless ¡­ I


    lose my courage.


    ¡®It¡¯s heavy and my arms are getting sore. Can we pick this up tomorrow Lexi? I need to start making


    calls on my to-do list.¡¯ I appeal to that kinder side I feeling from him in a bid to escape.


    ¡®Lexi?¡¯ That cute boy smile hits me from far right and ispletely unexpected.


    ¡®I meant ¡­ Alexi,¡¯ I stutter and instantly flush. I didn¡¯t mean to shorten his name to sound affectionate, it


    was a slip of the tongue and his disarming response signals end of gun lesson. I hand it over with a


    quick tight smile and avoid looking at him directly. Panic over taking as things get weird. Even Alexi


    seems to visibly shake himself and turns as awkwardly as me.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®I like it. I have dinner ns so yeah; I need to get going.¡¯ He avoids looking at me.


    ¡®Yeah, whatever. So, till tomorrow. I have things to do now.¡¯ I slide away and keep my eyes on the


    ground as I walk, high tailing it away from him and I know I am running¡ªmentally and emotionally. Like


    Speedy Gonzales at a hundred miles an hour.


    ¡®Tomorrow,¡¯ He repeats after me, his eyes flicking to my departing body as I throw him back a sh of


    smile and a wave, getting to the door and realise I should take some papers with me to look over


    upstairs. I ampletely aware of the atmosphere and tension getting too heavy to breathe between


    us, and watch absent-mindedly as though I have no idea how to act. He takes everything from his desk


    and I assume it¡¯s all going back into his safe.


    I don¡¯t even want to dissect thosest seconds and just focus on what I have to get done tonight.


    I figure I should grab my phone and clipboard and work through the calls and arrangements I need to


    make. I also have to track down a marble restorer to fix the bloody bar if that is even possible.


    Recing it is costly and time-consuming and we had to wait eight weeks thest time before they


    came and fitted it.


    That got a little too weird for me and the best thing to do when it gets like that is to remove myself from


    anywhere near him. Take myself out of the equation and give him space until it passes.


    ¡®I need to stay upstairs tonight.¡¯ He adds it; just as I swipe the stuff I want from the spare desk and


    head to the door. My hand halts on the handle, stomach dropping like a lead weight, and I fumble. This


    is thest thing I need, and I can hardly tell him he can¡¯t stay in his own apartment after he literally just


    showed me he bought me a gun out of the need to protect me.


    Fuck, fuck, fuck.


    Bastard is softening my resolve and I don¡¯t like it.


    ¡®Sure, whatever. I¡¯ll keep out of your way.¡¯ I try to sound disinterested and yank the door open instead.


    Making sure he knows it will be what it will be¡ªHim in his room and me in mine. No confusion about


    that. Act like I do not give a rat¡¯s arse and him staying there has absolutely no effect on me


    whatsoever! In case he¡¯s testing me. I just hope I have the strength to deal with him bringing a


    ymate.


    ¡®I can deal with that.¡¯ The soft tone is almost sexy, and I drown out that husky devil voice and march out


    of the office instead. Determined to get myself back on top and focus on the club.


    I shut my brain off as efficiently as possible and refuse to pull apart my thoughts and feelings as my


    insides spiral out of control.


    I wave at Mico as I pass and get a charming smile and wave back before I hit the lift, walking in when it


    opens and turn to rest against the back wall.


    As I do so my eyes automatically pan in the open door of the office facing me, and I see Alexi standing


    looking right back. Hands in his pockets and casually watching me as if he has nothing better to be


    doing. It makes me ufortable, and then he smiles softly at me as the door closes and I swear my


    heart flips over.


    Fuck.

 Chapter 100

    Chapter 100


    I went to bed earlier than I intended tost night, unable to deal with knowing he could turn up with


    some random slut and I wanted to be asleep before he did. I downed two sleeping pills to make sure I


    was oblivious to any sexual moaning or appearance of his ythings and woke up groggy before


    getting down here as fast as I could. I had no intention of awkward morning greetings either and even


    though I am tired and feeling listless, I submerge myself into sorting the club out.


    It¡¯s cleaner and the brewery is restocking the basement as we speak. I have cases of foreign booze


    being shipped in and the kitchen is being filled with fresh ingredients to feed the staff. Joanne had


    stopped that service the second I was out the door, meaning no food was supplied at any point from


    the girlsing on or leaving twelve hourster.


    It¡¯s a gruelling shift and not exactly convenient to pop out for takeout, and she should have thought


    about that before she started having escorts passing out mid-shift from exertion andck of food. They


    have a very physical job and our clients expect more than a half-arsed fuck before they want to call it


    quits. Food may not seem important to someone who has never worked on her back for long hours, but


    I have the sense to know differently. Keep the Toms happy and you keep the men smiling. It¡¯s hardly


    rocket science.


    Joanne is hiding in the downstairs office at this moment in time. She has been cancelling client lists for


    the past couple of days and having to grovel and exin to childish rich men why they cannote to


    their favourite hangout while I turn my nightmare back into a pce.


    I found she had fired five of our seven cleaning staff, fired two of the bar staff and four of our servers in


    a bid to save money and scrimped on the booze to hide the fact she was losing him customers.


    Memberships dropping off, and to top it off one of his high rollers had an overdose here two months


    back because she was failing to limit the product flow to each member. Fuckwit could have screwed


    everything up had he died here. I doubt Alexi even knows about this yet and I am not hiding it from him.


    Let her see his demon side when he¡¯s in a rage. I¡¯m sure she is ill-equipped to handle him if someone


    like me can¡¯t.


    I have the electricianing back at the end of the week to rece all switches, and it¡¯s not too soon


    as one of the sockets at the bar sparked at me this morning when I tried to plug in the neon sign over


    the cocktail counter. I have had to stick a sign over it which says ¡®Do not use¡¯ before one of our staff kill


    themselves.


    I also located and had my oval club logo rehung in pride of ce after finding it in storage in the


    basement, and personally took a match to that shitty piece of artwork she had used instead. She stood


    gawping when my ¡®Club Carrero¡¯ sign went back up, all polished and gleaming and signalling my return


    as Queen of MY club!


    It¡¯s one thing after another and it¡¯s only now I find out the new sprinkler system, which was the cause of


    all the mayhem, doesn¡¯t even work and had to be unplumbed to stop the leak. She never had it


    resolved, wasted thousands installing it, and now it¡¯s off because she couldn¡¯t figure out how it was


    leaking. Which is inplete vition to city code and could get us shut down until it¡¯s rectified


    anyway.


    So that¡¯s plumbers, electricians and decorators alling down this week with a view to causing more


    disruption before this building gets better.


    We still have to abide by certain fire and safety codes even if this ce isn¡¯t exactly above board. It¡¯s


    run like a legit business, with payrolls, regtions and things in ce to keep the City authorities


    happy. Joanne has failed to answer notices and inspections in thest month and I have a pile of


    paperwork a mile high. To top it off there¡¯s a huge mountain of receipts that have never made it to the


    ountant, and the books are a total mess. Alexi didn¡¯t just avoiding here; it seems he washed


    his hands of the whole fucking ce while I was gone. There are no hints that he even checked in on it


    sporadically.


    I¡¯m in a rage, throwing papers across the desk in the office, which is now shared again, while scraping


    my fingers through my hair against my scalp in agitation, and getting more and more furious as I try to


    sort it out. My temper is simmering between an all-out tantrum andplete frustration; kicking my foot


    against the wooden leg from its crossed position, and fingernails tapping on the surface as I try and


    decipher more jumbled chaos.


    Alexies swanning in around ten a.m. looking shower fresh and perky in sweats and a workout top,


    whistling to himself merrily, which is weird. He has on a hoody with no sleeves that¡¯s cut out around his


    shoulders in a very ttering way. It showcases the sheer size and strength of those toned, muscled


    biceps and the way his tattoos curl all the way down to the backs of his hands, up both arms and sneak


    behind them under the fabric.


    I have to drag my eyes from lingering on them. He looks hot, even I can admit that it gets warm in the


    panty area at the mere sight of him like this.


    By the looks of it he has added a new addition to his left hand ¡­ where the tattoo used to stop at the


    wrist it now matches his right in meeting his knuckles. It¡¯s looking glossy, meaning it has some sort of


    barrier cream on it as it heals, so I am guessing this was done yesterday at some point after he left


    here. I am pretty sure I never saw it before.


    It¡¯s another gothic skull, entwined with barbs and snakes that melt into all his other ck ink like a


    mosaic. He has a thing for dark themed images.


    He is clearly going to the gym this morning and I re at him when he throws a boyish smile my way,


    that cheeky twinkly look in his eye which suggests a great mood. Meanwhile, I am stressed to the max


    clearing up the mess he let happen.


    I wonder if it¡¯s sex induced and scowl all the more.


    ¡®You look happy,¡¯ He says drily giving me the once over, joking obviously, and I just cast another furious


    look his way.


    ¡®This ce is a shambles; I hope your ountant isn¡¯t busy because I am sending them four boxes of


    shit to decipher.¡¯ I rage at him, unamused and with sarcasm, miffed that he seemsx about the


    pandemonium of his nightclub.


    ¡®Tell them it¡¯s from me and they will prioritise it.¡¯ He shrugs with one shoulder, a hint of a half-smile at


    me. He just doesn¡¯t seem to care at all about the surface of strewn paperwork or his extremely


    harassed hostess and I lose thest of my frayed mood.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®How could you let it go this way? This was half a year of my fucking life in the making, Alexi. It¡¯s been


    left to drown in shit and fall apart like it never mattered. How is that good business?¡¯


    I ampletely frustrated at him and toss papers his way in agitation. They fall off the end of the desk


    in a slippery sweep andnd around his feet on the floor like scattered leaves as he gets to the edge.


    Looking down at them he steps back and bends to start picking them up slowly. No more annoyed than


    he was on entering and I wonder what gives¡ªhe¡¯s never this cheerful.


    ¡®I was busy.¡¯ He responds nonchntly as though it¡¯s a reasonable answer that takes away all the sin


    of letting my baby die; an annoyingly nd and repetitive answer that enrages me.


    ¡®Busy? Too busy to care that you were haemorrhaging money, and your whole set up to wine and


    manipte clients was turning to ashes? What in the hell was more important and took four months of


    ignoring this ce?¡¯ I snap at him and toss a pen on top of the pile of sheets in front of me.


    Alexi straightens up and slides the papers on the table on top of mine, so they spread back in my


    direction, and hits me with an intensely serious look.


    ¡®Looking for you!¡¯ He retorts; a spark of slight annoyance in his tone now, and as much as I wish it was


    true, I know better. Always trying to turn an edge on me and make me yield to him emotionally.


    Not a chance.


    ¡®Funny. Seriously though, what the hell did you think would happen if you left it to rot? Joanne has as


    much business sense as the goon you leave to watch the car park. Hardly high in the IQ department,


    so I am guessing she was a vixen in the sack to be left with all this responsibility.¡¯ I sound bitter, but I


    don¡¯t care. I¡¯m pissed off, elbow deep in this stress of paperwork that is going to take the ountant


    days to work through, and as it stands, I don¡¯t even have a current members list of who exactly is still


    paying toe here and who left. She seems to have been prioritising the same thirty clients over and


    over and not varying them ¡­ Seems like some of them have waited thest four months for just one


    night here. No wonder a lot of them cancelled.


    Alexi trying to be smart isn¡¯t making me rage less, his sense of humour is dickish.


    He sighs and perches on the end of the desk as I bury my fingers in my hair at the temple once more


    and slump over the file I have open. Half covered in what he threw and roll my eyes as theynd back


    on the point of my misery. I can¡¯t even begin to figure out where to start when ites to his client list,


    she has post-it notes everywhere and half of them have fallen off and stuck to unrted pieces of


    paper.


    ¡®Move over, let me see how bad it is.¡¯ His tone softens noticeably and the heavy exhale he exudes


    calms my own anger at him. Hees around the table and I lean away as he towers over my right


    shoulder to bend down and look at what¡¯s in front of me. Smelling heavily of body spray and shower gel


    and I can see this close his hair is still damp. I try and ignore the obvious effects he has on me


    physically, as my insides clench and tingle and tell myself that a sexual attraction is fine. I know that¡¯s


    what these recurring sensations are¡ªthe longer I am around him.


    It¡¯s the acting on it that¡¯s dangerous, and I am aware of a sizzle of tension between us. It doesn¡¯t mean


    a damn thing; just a chemical reaction from my overly hormonal body when faced with a devilishly sexy


    male. He oozes testosterone so it¡¯s no wonder.


    He leans one palm on the desk to curl over me, the other hand on the back of my chair to steady


    himself, and it has the instant effect of caging me in and putting us dangerously close. My heart rate


    spikes and I squirm in my seat to move out of his way.


    I wonder what happened to the girl he probably, most definitely, brought home if he is up and about this


    early. I can¡¯t help it running through my head as I am assaulted with his familiar smell and proximity,


    like a long slow heat travelling through me to end up on my cheekbones.


    ¡®Are these the current memberships?¡¯ He seems oblivious to me as he moves in close, his free hand


    behind me on the back of my chair slides around the headrest further, so my chair gets pulled in,


    stopping me from getting away. I try not to react or show him how ufortable it suddenly makes me


    and just focus on regting my erratic breathing.


    ¡®No idea. She has three lists with same names and different ones scored out on each, and then there¡¯s


    this.¡¯ I duck under him to reach for the stray piece of paper with ten names written down I have never


    seen before, and the word ¡®Members¡¯ in capitals at the top.


    Very organised and efficient, Hoe-anne!


    ¡®As you know the iing payments are numbered, not named, so they could never be traced to


    recipients by prying eyes and I have no idea where she even put the files with that information. I have a


    list of payments and no clue how to allocate them to names.¡¯ I sigh heavily, moving back and banging


    my shoulder against Alexi¡¯s peck as he gets a little too close while reading the papers strewn on the


    table. I instinctively move further away, burning from the touch and aware that he¡¯s now a little too


    suffocating on top of me, without meaning to be. I try to wheel out from under him and the chair decides


    to be a wanker and jam in the rug.


    ¡®Jesus Christ,¡¯ He mutters under his breath and flicks the sheet over to the next page, looking as


    confused as I was when I first opened this. Focused on what he¡¯s looking at and not on me acting like a


    prize idiot and freaking out about touching him.


    Get a grip Cami. He¡¯s hardly going to make your clothes fall off onmand by touch alone.


    ¡®Get her in to fix this shit. Make her start over and call every single name on the list to confirm a new


    membership, and inform them that the club is being overhauled. Cancel everything and start from


    scratch. Send the important stuff to Crawley over at ountancy and tell him it¡¯s needed pronto.¡¯ Alexi


    sounds stern and mildly miffed.


    ¡®You want her to start from scratch with a clean members list and cancel all payments just like that?


    How do you know anyone will bother toe back?¡¯ I nch at him, shocked he would clear it


    completely ¡­ Stupidity, right there.


    ¡®Tell them I will be here. That was what attracted some of them in the first ce and maybe have her


    inform them that my redhead is back running things. How it was run was half the allure. You were


    missed.¡¯ He throws me a loaded look and a smile before he gets up and moves away, walking to the


    long low cupboard we have for keeping paperwork and picking up a ss as he pours himself a


    whisky.


    What happened to staying away from here?!?!


    Also, so much for a healthy start to his day and going to the gym.


    I sit back and exhale loudly, flushed from being anxious over this stuff and from the weird heat that hit


    the city today. It¡¯s sunny out and the air-con is battling to keep up with it today, moisture collecting down


    my spine under my thick tailored dress that is meant for cooler weather.


    Or maybe just because I had a six-foot odd Carrero practically on top me seconds ago. The facial


    bloom is definitely down to him.


    I need to find ways tobat that if I am going to be near him from time to time. I can¡¯t deny he still


    looks good even if I do hate him. I am back to the celibate existence and my ¡®BOB¡¯ hasn¡¯t seen daylight


    in months. I should self-relieve some tensionter and see if it helps my ansty behaviour when he gets


    within two feet of me. My temperature rise because of this man is as annoying as he is.


    ¡®I need some air. It¡¯s stifling in here and I need to take a break from staring at this shit under artificial


    lighting.¡¯ I push back and get up, passing him at the end of the desk as his eyes follow me, intentions of


    taking a walk downstairs and outside for a while to reset my brain. And to get away from him until my


    hormones reset to normal.


    ¡®Where you going?¡¯ He queries, still hints of that better mood and it¡¯s slightly infectious. I¡¯m used to


    cranky and sombre from him, so being happier is somehow atmosphere lifting.


    ¡®Don¡¯t worry ¡­ I¡¯m only venturing to your very safe car park to get some real air and bask in the sun for


    twenty minutes. I need a break and I¡¯m getting a headache from that.¡¯ I nod up at the ceiling, pointing


    out the office lights in here, even though they are expensive and not the factory type which kills your


    eyes. It¡¯s not great sitting under them for hours on end. I need a change of scenery.


    ¡®If you leave the car park, take Jackson. There¡¯s no argument on that front.¡¯ Alexi warns and I just


    eyeroll his way.


    ¡®Yes Sir, loud and clear.¡¯ I reply with a heavy sigh. I am in no mood for a battle. I¡¯m too wired and


    uptight from the mess I am stuck in the midst of, and I still need to handle calling the stupid bitch to


    ¡®I mean it Cam. If you leave and he¡¯s not with you, I will rethink the punishment rules in a heartbeat.¡¯


    There¡¯s a lightness as though he¡¯s half joking but enough undertone to say he¡¯s not.


    ¡®Fuck off, Alexi.¡¯ I throw back and walk out with an extra wiggle of attitude knowing full well if he bloody


    dared, I would dump his arse faster than a hot coal.


    I don¡¯t wait around for his response and get in the lift before he can start another little Cam - Alexi war. I


    am in no mood for it today.

 Chapter 101

    Chapter 101


    The car park is less stuffy and a wee break from the club indoors. Even with all its sexy lighting


    and modern exterior, it is still a huge ck box that has little to no natural daylight inside and the way it


    is secured means it doesn¡¯t ever have open windows for fresh air. It relies heavily on electrical lighting


    and air-con to keep the flow and temperature.


    It doesn¡¯tpare toing outside to just breathe and feel some real sun on your limbs. Something I


    did a lot of when working in the diner, inhaling fried grease all day long.


    I perch my butt on a low brick wall that juts out along in front of one the new metal fences. It used to be


    the old territory marker for where to park, but is pointless since he turned this into a hemmed in


    paddock and acts as a makeshift bench of sorts. Leaning my head back against the fence I slide my


    shoes off and stretch out my naked legs to warm in the sun for a while. My dress is knee length and


    rides up a little as I sit, so it¡¯s glorious.


    Closing my eyes and letting the tightness seep out of my body as heat beats down on me, I jump when


    a tiny little mewl noise startles me from my right.


    I flinch a second time, heart jumping, when I notice a little ginger, scruffy furball curled aggressively


    behind the tyre of the nearest car, ring at me fiercely. Eyes almost illuminated from his shadowy


    vantage point and intensely honed in on me. When I lean down to look more closely it growls at me


    angrily in a long, evil and forbidding noise that sends my nerves rattling, and I recoil apprehensively.


    He¡¯s a little demonic and wild for my liking.


    ¡®Calm yourself, psycho. I wasn¡¯t nning on touching you.¡¯ I move further along the wall, shifting on my


    butt to put distance between us and turn away from the scabby little stray. Picking up my shoes


    carefully and sliding them back on my feet while keeping an eye on it, in case it¡¯s in attack mode for


    breaching its territory. It makes me nervous with that beady gaze stuck on me relentlessly.


    Stray cats aremon in New York, especially down the back alleys and where therge dumpsters


    sit. This one looks like he has been through the wars and is a little worse for wear, hiding in the


    shadows of one of the four-by-fours. Even from here I can tell it¡¯s scrawny and filthy.


    I get up and walk to the back steps of the club and attempt to sit there instead, on the low wall at the


    base of them. Not really in the mood for taking on a crazy cat, and jump when it appears to my left,


    crawling out of its little shelter to stare at me from under the bo of the car. Slinking after me as


    though it¡¯s trying to intimidate me out of its parking lot. He doesn¡¯t seem as ferocious in the light and


    looks more flea-bitten and pitiful than anything.


    ¡®What do you want? Stop eyeballing me. I don¡¯t have anything for you.¡¯ I turn my back on him to get it to


    go away and head up the steps to the doors to put a little more space between us. I slide down to


    perch on the top one and lean back against the solid security door as a backrest to watch the little


    demon sidekick as he snarls at me from his position.


    He¡¯s scruffy, skinny and not the most attractive of kitties. Looks like a tom judging by the missing eye


    and half an ear ¡­ probably not had a decent meal for a long time. He is all loose skin and obvious


    bones, and the funny angle of his tail midway suggests it was broken long ago and has healed


    crooked.


    Despite his little aggressive nature, something in me feels kind of sorry for him, and in this heat, he¡¯s


    probably desperate for a drink. I wonder how long he has been living out here as it¡¯s the first time I


    have noticed him.


    I yelp in rm, head torn from thoughts of the cat when I catapult backwards as my backrest caves in


    with someone opening the door behind me. Ind t on my back with an ungraceful thud, my head in


    the gloomy hall of the club, facing up at the smug looking prick that just opened it.


    Alexi stands over me looking down, obviously amused with this little manoeuvre and fully aware of what


    he was doing with a smart-arse smile on that clean-cut face.


    There¡¯s a camera pointing down on the step and a screen inside this door showing this exact angle, so


    he saw me sitting here before he yanked it open at speed, purposely.


    ¡®You¡¯re a wanker.¡¯ I re up at him from my lying down position and he just grins a little harder, still


    towering over me casually, as though he could do it all day. I continue to lie here , acting like I am quite


    comfortable and in no way bruised or pissed at him for being a tosser.


    ¡®Stop lying down on the job, wench.¡¯ He chuckles at his own joke. I just throw him a grim look and bite


    down the urge to punch him in the balls. Alexiughing is a rare urrence, although it is having only a


    negative effect on me seeing as I¡¯m now lying on a dirty floor in an expensive dress, thanks to him.


    ¡®This isn¡¯t funny; I think you¡¯re a prick.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s funny from up here,¡¯ He smirks, still beaming in merriment and gets the bird thrown right at him


    from my horizontal position ¡­ my temper simmering at his antics.


    Alexi leans in extending a hand to help me up, but I just p it away, ring furiously because now my


    bloody dress is probably dusty and mucky right up my back, and I have to get up ungracefully while this


    arsehole watches me. I am in stubborn and Princess mode, and I would rather struggle than ept


    help from him.


    I roll awkwardly in my very tight dress, and spend a few minutes getting up while he leans with one


    hand on the door, keeping it open and still grinning at me like this is the funniest moment in history.


    Amused that my tight attire makes getting up like some sort of acrobatic act.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®You really are having trouble with the no touching thing, aren¡¯t you?¡¯ I snap at him in response, riled


    and irritated and turn to walk back outside as I dust myself down, not really in the mood for my quiet


    sun time anymore, but as he¡¯s blocking the hall, I¡¯m not pushing past him either. The frame of mind he


    is in, he would probably do something equally childish to me for shits and giggles.


    ¡®About that ¡­¡¯ Alexi seems to brush off the fun, turning serious, his expression straightening out and


    follows me outside as I sigh. I can feel a foreboding wave of heaviness that whatever he¡¯s going to say


    is about to dent my mood for the rest of the day.


    ¡®Can we just discuss the terms of that little rule?¡¯ He turns on me when I get to the top step and move


    to let him pass. He makes it clear walking away is pointless. His smile gone but still has that air of good


    mood and amusement, and it makes me instantly suspicious. He rarely does obvious moods, even


    good ones, and I have no idea at all why he¡¯s in such a great one today. He has been like this since he


    first appeared.


    Especially after seeing how shittily his club has been running for months. I just cannot get over how


    little that seems to mean to him at all.


    ¡®No.¡¯ I shake my head at him and try to dodge him, but he blocks me bodily and I have no choice but to


    stand my ground, his back to the steps, so I cannot get by.


    ¡®Sometimes touching is unavoidable and I just think it should be more specific ¡­ like I can¡¯t fuck you¡ª


    unless you want me to that is.¡¯ He adds that with a cheeky smirk and I swear he¡¯s been drinking or


    something. He¡¯s too merry today and it¡¯s creepy.


    This is a flirty, maybe cheeky side to him that I have never really been privy too and I don¡¯t get why it¡¯s


    on show now. An odd vibeing from him in droves as his eyes twinkle with a little more depth of


    colour in the sunlight. He looks as though he has a smile churning under that good bone structure and


    his whole posture is casual and rxed.


    Maybe because he no longer owns me and has to seek permission for things he could just take before,


    he¡¯s applying charm and sexy. Who knows?


    ¡®No. You agreed! You can¡¯t back pedal now. No touching is what it is ¡­ NO TOUCHING!¡¯ I fire back at


    him, crossing my arms over my chest in a bid to get some breathing space between us. I am fully


    aware my insides have started that slow rise to heat of their own ord because a hunk of muscle and


    testosterone is practically pressed against me and talking about sex. Traitorous knickers twisting


    themselves up as little flitters in myher region tingle away crazily.


    I am starting to despise the fact that we have a natural sexual chemistry so strong that it even


    overpowers my longing to loathe him. I guess that¡¯s how the devil reels you in over and over again


    though. Makes you open your legs, just with some smooth moves and a little coaxing.


    He¡¯s infuriating me with the way he¡¯s hemming me in against the door, which has now swung closed


    behind me, and I can¡¯t get off the step while a huge six-foot hulk is standing in front of me like an


    unmoveable wall.


    ¡®What about this.¡¯ He pokes me in the rib softly, jokingly, and I swear I might self-implode with how


    irritating he is being, pping him in the shoulder in fast reaction and get even more irate.


    ¡®What is with you today? You¡¯re like a bloody child. Stop touching me! And what¡¯s with this?¡¯ I wave my


    hand over his mouth area pulling the cringe face dramatically¡ªIrritation hitching along with my pulse.


    ¡®Why are you being smiley? It¡¯s weird and creepy and something you don¡¯t do.¡¯ I sound petnt and


    stroppy, but he¡¯s making me nervous with his out of character behaviour.


    He just keeps grinning at me as though to prove my point and I can¡¯t help thinking maybe this is some


    weird sociopathic trait. Maybe he has lost the plot in thest months and I am witnessing the creepy,


    happy calm before he annihtes the world ¡­ Or maybe just me.


    ¡®Maybe you just put sunshine in my day, Red.¡¯ He mimics Gino¡¯szy dialect and flicks my hair with his


    finger annoyingly, earning himself another hand p, although this time on the back of his. It stings my


    palm and I give him another re as my mood borders on violent anger. I don¡¯t like the way he can act


    as his twin rmingly well. It doesn¡¯t look right on him somehow and I don¡¯t like him seeming so Mr


    Nice.


    Yeah, I know I am screwed up. I don¡¯t trust good guys or the act of one.


    ¡¯Eww, don¡¯t!¡¯ I put my finger in mouth and mock vomit at his attempts.


    ¡®Cringe isn¡¯t your style and you definitely need work on those chat up lines,¡¯ I eyeroll dramatically.


    ¡®Tell me what works for you and I am all in.¡¯ It¡¯s a low, husky definite flirt mode. The charm and jokes


    are making me uneasy, narrowing my gaze at him with warning that I am onto his weird little game,


    even if I don¡¯t know what it is.


    ¡®Is this you being a prick? Or is this you being ¡­ I don¡¯t know ¡­ devious? Isn¡¯t there a puppy


    somewhere you should be torturing?¡¯ I¡¯m flustered, face heating because he¡¯s making me fidgety with


    thispletely new side to him, and I can¡¯t for the life of me figure out what angle he¡¯s ying. Open


    flirt and chat up lines are never his style and they were never aimed at me. I know he isn¡¯t being


    serious; I mean he can¡¯t be, surely, and I don¡¯t get if he thinks this is eptable humour¡ªit¡¯s not. Not


    with our history. It¡¯s in bad taste!


    He knows we are not going there again and why would he want to? He¡¯s the one who pushed me out.


    ¡®This is me beingte to meet my cousin for boxing practice. I gotta go. Be good for once.¡¯ He pushes


    my forehead with his palm, like a sort of cheeky high five, and dodges my well-aimed third p,


    laughing at me as he jumps down the steps. He is still dressed in head to toe casual sportswear and


    trainers and looks effortlessly d¡¯ about to go jogging.


    I think he¡¯s had a lobotomy as this is NOT Alexi Carrero. Not the one I know anyway.


    ¡®You¡¯re a jerk,¡¯ I yell after him.


    ¡®A sexy jerk; Deny it all you like; I know you agree. You can both loathe and lust after me


    simultaneously,¡¯ He replies with a grin and a wink as his car beeps and shes as he gets near it with a


    key in his hand. That small dark sporty number he uses when he isn¡¯t being chauffeured around by


    minions.


    ¡®That¡¯s arguable. I¡¯m not good at multitasking,¡¯ I throw back, unable to stop the slight smile hitting my


    face, despite myself¡ªConfused that he is actually capable of doing it.


    His mood is infectious, annoyingly so, and I hate that he, of all people, just managed to drag a genuine


    smile from me. I have never known someone who can control such a basic thing while you hate on him


    ruthlessly ¡­ smiling genuinely, unwillingly, ispletely new on me.


    ¡®Before I forget, I booked the shooting range at eight p.m., wear somethingfy. And there will be


    touching ¡­ a lot of it, just saying!¡¯ He pulls open the door, winks at me again, cheekily and moves to


    slide in, but I¡¯m quick off the mark.


    ¡®Wait! Alexi, about that,¡¯ I call out in afterthought, not about the touching remark, even if it¡¯s an instant


    piss me off point because he has no chance, but the gun thing.


    He pauses and I impulsively make my way down to where he is, steadily down the steep steps on


    stilettos,ing to stand on the other side of his open door so it separates us and face him over the


    top. Bold and brave in the topic we need to talk about. I can¡¯t miss the opportunity he has just opened


    up.


    ¡®What about it?¡¯ He turns serious, that glint of Master that I know well and it puts me more at ease than


    his previous few minutes. This Alexi I know and can sometimes handle. The Alexi I know how to


    behave around¡ªthe one who never made me smile despite myself. This is who I need to see so I


    know how to behave.


    ¡®I thought about it in bed for a long-timest night and ¡­ I don¡¯t want it. The gun ¡­ not the umm ¡­ you


    know, touching stuff.¡¯ I don¡¯t know why telling him this makes me nervous, or start rambling like a


    weirdo, but butterflies start rising in my stomach in anxiety and I can already feel my palms getting


    mmy. I guess it¡¯s because I know he isn¡¯t going to like this one bit, and I have seen enough glimpses


    of normal Alexi these past few days to know he can still turn. He may be on the charm, or cocaine or


    something right now, but that dark side is in there simmering away. He can go from zero to sixty in less


    than three seconds.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ Alexi butts in, a deep warning tone, but I raise my palm hesitantly, swallowing down the fearful


    knot lodged in my throat.


    ¡®Just hear me out.¡¯ My voice trembles a little, but I¡¯m set on this and spent the first hour in bed tossing


    and turning over it. Pulling my brain apart and looking at it from all angles. Alexi has a reasonable side


    sometimes ¡­ just not in rtion to feelings. So, if I give him a logical reason then he might listen to me


    without blowing up. I¡¯m praying anyway.


    I know how to handle him sometimes; I should dig deep and try to keep him sweet.


    Alexi sighs heavily, obvious irritation growing, crosses his arms over that impressive chest, which looks


    overly good in his tight sports tops may I add, and frowns at me. My heart sinks because Mr Control


    Freak is peeking out and getting ready to erupt. I can sense it. I swallow and just go for it, knowing a


    fast exnation is better than dragging out my ultimate death at the hands of an angry Carrero.


    ¡®You can teach me all day long how to handle it, fire it and even carry it around like a second skin ¡­


    but I am never going to be as strong or as fast as someone like you.¡¯ I start, sounding confident and


    have a conviction to my tone. Alexi just remains silent as though waiting for me to exin further, frown


    moving in and those deathly steel greys get more intense on my face.

 Chapter 102

    Chapter 102


    ¡®All it takes is one jerk to take that gun from me, in a fight or a fumble because I hesitate, or he¡¯s just


    quicker and turns it back to be my end instead of my protection. I would rather not tip the bnce


    of oues by carrying something that could be used on me, Alexi. It¡¯s not me. I don¡¯t want to walk


    around always aware of that thing under my dress, always worried that I might have need of it because


    it¡¯s there. I know how my brain works, and if you make me walk around with it, I¡¯m going to be a


    nervous wreck, always fixating on the fact it¡¯s there. Let¡¯s be honest, in your world, danger aimed at me


    is always going to be male and probably trained a lot better than I will ever be. It won¡¯t be something


    that keeps me safe. It will make me feel the exact opposite.¡¯ It¡¯s not really the speech I had prepared


    last night because under that angry scrutiny of grey eyes piercing my skull it¡¯s hard to think straight, but


    it¡¯s sort of the gist of what I decided¡ªIn a rushed effort to get it out before he explodes.


    Alexi shakes his head angrily staring off across the car park, and I can tell he¡¯s trying to curb an


    outburst. He¡¯s pissed at my reasoning, his jaw squaring and tightening as he grits his teeth. A sign he


    doesn¡¯t agree, but I am set on this. I don¡¯t want it and I don¡¯t want to carry something like that on me,


    ever. I don¡¯t let him verbalise it though. Best to get in before he starts a fight. Throw on the sweetener


    and appeal to his smart part.


    ¡®Look ¡­ If it¡¯s a tossup between that hunk of metal or being nked constantly by ck-clothed


    psychos you deem appropriate protection, then I¡¯ll take thetter and give you no shit about it. Tie


    Jackson to me for all I care. I would rather him than a gun and I¡¯m not going to back down on this.¡¯ I


    exhale with thest words, relieved I got to say it and now wait with added tension for a reaction.


    ¡®Until the first time you dodge him and take off on your own?¡¯ He snaps at me, a throwback to me giving


    Mico the slip in the Hamptons, and my stomach lurches at the peak of pissed off Carrero. Furious going


    on under that seemingly calm expression but all his little signs are evident ¡­ Tense body, tensed jaw


    and rolling storms in the depths of his grey eyes. That brain is hovering over his rage button being


    flicked, and I need to tread very carefully. Appeal to his sane side. Something I always avoided before,


    but realise now that outright defiance makes him flip so easily. Reasonable cajoling just makes him


    simmer.


    There are ways to handle him and I am slowly learning it makes a difference sometimes. Alexi isn¡¯t as


    complex as I used to think, he just requires someone to read his tells and avoid his triggers. Pander to


    him a little. He has an ego, a bad temper and a need to be in control of all things. He hates being


    undermined and I used to do it frequently. I see that now.


    He¡¯s a man child, a sinister, powerful one, but still ¡­ definitely a man child.


    ¡®I promise you. I know this is for my protection, I won¡¯t do that again. I know you only want me to be


    safe and protected and the gun was for my own safety.¡¯ I¡¯m trying for submissive, soft tones and gentle


    words, genuine soothing of his ruffled feathers. I lock eyes on his to show him I mean it, but he¡¯s


    moving on his feet, shifting; that need to expel energy brimming inside of him.


    I can tell he has a whole lot going on in his head and he wants to tell me it¡¯s his way or no way, yet


    something is holding him back. I¡¯m waiting on the eruption, but all I am getting is a very controlled, if not


    angry Alexi and his inability to look directly at me. He keeps clenching and unclenching his jaw, his fist,


    and staring across the park as though answers will magically appear before his eyes. Atmosphere thick


    and tense between us as I stand and internally tremble in anticipation of the war I am predicting. Then


    finally, he turns back to me.


    ¡®Jackson will never leave your side; he will walk you to and from the fucking apartment morning, noon


    and night. Youe out here for air ¡­ he does too. You want to go upstairs mid-night for a fucking


    aspirin, he goes too. You want to go get a bikini wax or a lingerie shopping trip then HE GOES TOO.¡¯


    He snarls it at me, voice raised angrily, rage clearly building at my refusal and as much as I¡¯m taken


    aback by just how venomous this topic has made him, I nod mutely.


    Obedience. That¡¯s what he wants right now.


    Give him that!


    If I spark at him, he will spark right back and this will explode between us. I¡¯m too much of a fiery


    person when he is this way, and he is a vtile person that I seem to be able to rile. I remain silent and


    keep that innocent look on my face so as not to push him further.


    Alexi throws himself into his seat without another word, just another filthy re because I made him


    mad, and he ms the door shut. I guess he decided getting away from me is the best thing for both of


    us and I get out of the way, walking back across the park to the steps to give him space to leave.


    A little happy at it though. Avoiding imminent death.


    I can feel his eyes burning into me as he starts the purring motor with an aggressive roar, pulling out in


    reverse to back up to face the gate at speed. He''s pissed. He needs to simmer, but he agreed¡ªwhich


    is huge!!! I coerced the great dictator and I barely broke a sweat.


    I think it¡¯s the fact he had to back down and ept something against his wishes that has him madder


    than hell, but it¡¯s a little victory for me. I made Alexi back down and all it took was some gentle coaxing


    instead of outright defiance. I should remember that in future. It maye in handy.


    I nce back momentarily, something in my gut as the safety gate jerks and starts to automatically


    slide open. Security watches from above to remotely trigger it for carsing and going and I catch


    movement in the bottom corner of my vision.


    Right by the gate the little scrawny furball crawls out into the path of where Alexi is heading, and as he


    pulls forward, eyes still on me, I panic. Action over thought and I literally jump into the path of his car


    trying to leave the grounds and throw my arms in the air with a crazy squeal.


    ¡®WAIT!¡¯ I screech in sheer fear and hysteria as I try to protect that mangy, pitiful creature from certain


    squishing.


    Alexi ms on the breaks violently, car stopping millimetres in front of me abruptly, very dramatically,


    and rips himself out of that seat like a tornado in a split second; A furious, venomous growl thrown my


    way.


    ¡®What the fuck are you doing?¡¯ He roars at me as I throw my head round to see furball scurrying back


    under the closest vehicle in fright and heave a sigh of relief. My body copsing inwards and dissolving


    into the shakes as adrenaline kicks my arse. His car is practically touching me.


    ¡®You were going to run over Feral. You weren¡¯t looking, you would have killed him.¡¯ I gesture towards


    Mico¡¯s four by four breathlessly, where it¡¯s cowering just under the bumper, and Alexi snaps his face to


    look that way. Eyes scanning the ground as he searches for whatever the fuck a feral is, rage on his


    face growing into a snarling, seething fury. His normally ivory skin turning a hue darker as blood boils


    under the surface.


    ¡®A FUCKING CAT? You made me almost hit you for a fucking cat!!!!¡¯


    Alexi is in full-blown hurricane mode and I recoil a little; definitely terrified of thisplete and utter


    combustion of that Italian temper.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t want you to kill it.¡¯ Tears well up because he¡¯s scaring me right now, memories of how much of


    a cruel bastard he can be, and he just res once more.


    ¡®It¡¯s a fucking stray; looks like killing it would be a kindness. I can¡¯t believe you risked your life for a


    mangy flea-bitten creature! GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD.¡¯ Alexi booms loudly and this time I move


    fast, eyes full of moisture as my body starts to visibly shake and impulsively cry at him.


    ¡®Stop yelling at me, you¡¯re scaring me,¡¯ I wail back tearfully, sobbing suddenly and overly sensitive and


    emotional to his reaction. Alexi just turns volcanic.


    ¡®If I wasn¡¯t someone with fast reflexes, I would have hit you and you¡¯re telling me to stop yelling at you!


    Stop being so fucking dumb! I didn¡¯t spend four months searching the country for you to fucking run


    you over in my own car lot. Stay off the road, stay with Jackson, and stop pissing me off ¡­ and stop


    fucking crying. I fucking hate it!¡¯


    He is the usual cold heartless prick he always has been, and I was wrong to think docile was his new


    persona. Alexi is still a wanker, and through watery sniffs and acting like a wounded Hollywood diva, I


    stick my fingers up at him in response to him being aplete tit-wank.


    ¡®Go away. I don¡¯t like you anymore,¡¯ I answer childishly, turning on my heel with tears running down my


    face as Alexi, yet again, aggressively chucks himself back in his car and takes off at neck-breaking


    speed that makes his tyres squeal and leaves a ck set of marks on the road.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    I don¡¯t stop to take a second look and storm into the lobby and m the outer door; hating him for


    making me cry.


    I¡¯m in the club sitting at one of the booths and looking through all the papers I have been sorting all day


    on the table in front of me, when Alexi reappears. He¡¯s been gone for hours, most of the day, and I


    have been on tenterhooks waiting for his reappearance. Knowing he left in a rage and worried about


    the bacsh I know ising from making him furious.


    I am doing my best to ignore Joanne ¡­ she¡¯s fluffing around. Coming up and down to update me on


    the calls she¡¯s making and how many of our clientele have renewed membership. She¡¯s been at it all


    afternoon and just pissing me off endlessly. Her face just irritates me and the knowledge she has had


    sex with Alexi makes me despise the very air she breathes. I just cannot get over the grudge against


    her that she was used to both hurt and rece me, and then ruined my club.


    Alexi looks over at me as he walks in, like a homing pigeon, and I swear the air sizzles between us


    instantly. He has an unreadable expression but I can still tell he¡¯s pissed from the tight set of his face


    and his rigid posture. My heart sinks down to my toes and my stomach churns over in angst.


    I guess I¡¯m going to find out if punishing me is a boundary he will adhere to after this. I know he likes to


    simmer and think up heinous ways to make me suffer for annoying him, and this will be a true test of


    whether our rtionship ends today. I feel sick with the thought I might be about to throw it all away,


    again. I won¡¯t stay if he crosses that line again.


    Never again!


    He¡¯s dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, over trainers now, gym clothes gone and even though he looks


    casual and almost human, that air of psycho is cloaking him. He carries that danger around with him so


    effortlessly.


    Mico appears behind him, dressed casually too, simr outfit and I wonder if he was at the training


    session with him. It¡¯s rare to see those two dressed out of the Mafia uniform on any given day and


    never at the same time. Mico smiles my way and I wave back softly, a hint of one on my lips that I am


    not really feeling when all I can focus on is the heavy thud of my heart.


    I¡¯m tense, bristling with nerves and my insides are doing a good impersonation of a washing machine,


    now he¡¯s here. Alexi res and turns his back on me and heads to the bar as though dismissing me


    somehow, and I hate that it causes a little spike of pain in my stomach. The room instantly feels smaller


    and suffocating.


    The staff are polishing sses and restocking the imported booze that arrived today, speciality brands


    for specific members, and milling around aimlessly.


    ¡®Give me an ice water,¡¯ Aleximands, loud enough that I can hear him from here as the tender


    jumps to action and I bury my face back in my file. Pretending I¡¯m fine and not fully aware of him and


    his every movement.


    Joanne appears almost like a bad smell and immediately hones on our returning Lothario, making a


    bee line for him instead of me, with the papers in her hand. I can practically smell her desperation to


    get some attention from him.


    She gets to his side as he slides onto a bar stool and beams at him adoringly. Sticking her tits out and


    pasting on a demure pouty look as she sidles alongside him sickeningly.


    I roll my eyes and try not to watch, stomach tying itself in knots and notfortable witnessing this little


    encounter. I hated watching him with her before and now it¡¯s unbearable, not knowing what she has


    been to him for the past few months.


    ¡®Alexi, hey ¡­ I have the new final list of all the members who are staying with us in the overhaul. It¡¯s


    looking busy.¡¯ She sounds perky and upbeat and is close enough to sit on hisp. Despite myself I


    can¡¯t help ncing up over my folder to look, aching with internal pain and yet unable to pull away.


    Alexi picks up his ss of water and takes a drink carefully, eyes on the bar and not her, a long slow


    pause before he turns her way coolly.


    ¡®And?¡¯ It¡¯s the sarcastic cold tone that used to be reserved for me every time I dared to intrude on him,


    and she falters a little. Her smile drops and cheeks flush with a hit of embarrassment, and she tries


    again.


    ¡®I thought you might want to know or see which ones are still on the list. They are your clients after all.¡¯


    She waves the paper as though for him to take, smile looking more manic than genuine now, and he


    just narrows a colder gaze on her; Locking that deathly chill of his on his prey.


    ¡®Your boss is right over there. She¡¯s the one you tell this to. And my name is Mr Carrero.¡¯ He leans in,


    saying it so calmly, coldly, precisely, that tone that still gives me goosebumps and points at me without


    looking my way. I sit very stiffly, poised and listening intently.


    ¡®Right! I ¡­ umm.¡¯ Joanne is nervous, melting into her own shitty shoes and looking like a kitten about to


    break. Fumbling with the paper and yet it gives me a weird feeling.


    Seeing him still so cold and cut off and able to intimidate a woman without remorse is confusing me all


    the more. He is not this way with me now, even when I am annoying him.


    ¡®Why are you still standing here?¡¯ Alexi is still staring her down and she fails to answer with any real


    words, just a stuttering mess of incoherent garblees out; Nerves getting to her as she buckles


    under the intimidation of Carrero. She never stood a chance with someone like him, and it makes me


    feel smug to know it. Although I didn¡¯t fare any betterst time around.


    ¡®Go away. You¡¯re annoying me.¡¯ He raises a brow at her, that look that could level any woman to ashes


    and it dawns on me that he hasn¡¯t changed at all, in any way, shape or form.


    Seeing it used on someone else is like having my eyes opened, more so to the fact that Alexi has


    changed towards me alone.


    It¡¯s still there, that cold indifference and not giving a shit about hurting some mere female, even one he


    has slept with and used. Joanne is crumbling at his feet and gets away from him fast, eyes welling up


    with moisture and her skin staining hues of red, leaving him to turn back to his water without a second


    look. Mico¡¯s non-reaction beside him makes me look about the room in question.


    The staff, Mico, even Jackson hovering by the tables nearby, no one bats an eyelid at how he just


    treated her. Even though it was brutal and appalling¡ªJust like they never did when he treated me that


    way either. Kingpin treating an insignificant minion in any way he saw fit ¡­ Typically nasty and cruel.


    Alexi hasn¡¯t reformed or changed and this behaviour isn¡¯t a surprise to them because it¡¯s normal for


    him. And always has been. They are used to it.


    I blink at his back and think about this for a moment.


    He¡¯s not changed in any way, except towards me.


    As I hear Micough and look up again I can see Alexi smiling genuinely towards him, amused over


    something andpletely unconcerned about what just took ce. His rxed features and dimples


    on full show, oblivious to my watching him. Mico says something and Alexi nods, shoves him in the


    shoulder yfully and then taps the bar with his thumbs in a really weirdly casual gesture as though


    ying an invisible drum, pulling his feet up to the rung of the seat so he can hunch forward and lean


    on the bar like any normal guy. He looks so far removed from Mafia Boss right now.


    Joanne has done one, bolted back upstairs in humility instead of bringing the file to me, thankfully, and


    I just cannot tear my eyes or mind away from him.

 Chapter 103

    Chapter 103


    Alexi is acting differently, treating me differently. Yet, he is still the same as he always was to everyone


    else. Seeing glimpses of him like this is seeing glimpses into the person he is around Mico and his


    family when no one is around to be Mafia King for. The person Mico will openly question and argue with


    in private. Not the sadistic overbearing arsehole he is in public with him.


    The club is sparse right now because of the time of day and all the people in here are either non-


    important tenders or Carrero men on security detail. Carreros he knows well, mostly. Alexi is rxed


    and off guard and not keeping up the manner of brooding Boss. He¡¯s nking me, but yet not bothering


    to put on any act with me in the room either.


    This can¡¯t just be about running his club, can it?


    Watching him joke andugh with his cousin reminds me of this morning, before I put him in a foul


    mood. Seeing hints of humour and good vibes I wonder if I have crossed some weird line into his inner


    circle; that secret club, which his brother and cousins belong to, and possibly Sophie and that girl from


    his apartment that never saw the demon in him. Seeing the secondyer to his personality that stays


    hidden from anyone he doesn¡¯t trust and realising I crossed over somehow. I¡¯m seeing hints of why the


    women in his family think he¡¯s someone else. Why they like him.


    It¡¯s mind-blowing.


    Alexi only lets family in, so I¡¯m not sure if I am even close to being right. I¡¯m not his friend, not someone


    he needs to let in to run his club, and he definitely doesn¡¯t trust me. I¡¯m overthinking this. I must be.


    He¡¯s maybe just having a good day and kicking back a little. I maybe just never saw it before, when I


    was all caught up in matters of the heart and fighting him every step of the way. I just cannot shake the


    thought that this means something in regard to him and me.


    When he gave me the gun, he said, ¡®I trust you.¡¯ and I dismissed it because, to be honest, all he does is


    mess with your head and y games.


    Nothing he ever says should be taken as gospel. I ignored it because I thought he was trying to


    manoeuvre me to do what he wanted, but sitting here now, watching him, it¡¯s like a little light bulb going


    off.


    These months apart, something in him stopped and re-evaluated me for whatever reason, and I am yet


    to find out what happened in my absence. Something made him rethink bringing me back and now it


    hits home that maybe he has started to believe he can really trust me. I know he didn¡¯t before. He told


    me as much. Sat here, thinking this through, I realise that his whole opinion of what and who he


    thought I was has genuinely been altered. He wasn¡¯t lying when he said it.


    Alexi looks at me differently now. I just don¡¯t know why.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel about that, it¡¯s like being hit by a cold st of icy water in the face,pletely


    unexpected. I am not getting a new and reformed Alexi at all. I am getting the side to him that people


    like Sophie get to see, only still with the added lingering Bossplex. He may not have strong


    feelings for me in the way I had for him, but he has changed his attitude on what he thinks of me and


    this is the result. I think Alexi is potentially trying to let me in under his mask. He¡¯s trying to make


    amends in his weird, overbearing and controlling arsehole way.


    He won¡¯t punish me for earlier ¡­ I am confident of that now that I¡¯m really dissecting this. It¡¯s why he


    keeps simmering before reacting towards me. He¡¯s trying to treat me differently than he did before. The


    pauses and looking away, clenching his jaw ¨C all signs of thinking before he acts towards me. All hints


    that he is trying to be different ¡­.for me.


    ¡®Alexi! It¡¯s Gino.¡¯ Jackson calls out to him across the floor, pulling my brain back to the present and all


    of us turn and look up to see Mr Smiley himself walking in the front door, beaming from ear to ear and


    my heart sinks. All my thoughts fluttering away like paper on the breeze at this demonic shit stirrer


    walking in.


    He¡¯s good at goading his brother, he gets off on it, and so I am staying out of the way. I value my health


    and I don¡¯t want a return of possessive crazy in Alexi when Gino tries to rile him. He¡¯s already angry at


    me and giving me the obvious cold shoulder, so I don¡¯t want to antagonise that.


    Even if he is treating me differently, he is pissed as hell and still capable of ripping me down with words


    and vile looks. What he did to Joanne is proof of that. She is probably upstairs sobbing into her own


    lap, and even though I dislike her immensely, I can empathise with how that feels. Alexi can make you


    feel worthless with absolute minimal effort and doesn¡¯t even break a sweat over it. I doubt he has ever


    experience remorse, to be honest.


    ¡®Hey all ¡­ Was passing and thought I would check in to see if you were here.¡¯ Gino is dressed pretty


    much identically to Alexi, and it¡¯s kind of weird, seeing them even more like bookends. Even the choice


    of colours they have on is the same. ck and turquoise t-shirts over washed out jeans with white


    trainers. I wonder if that¡¯s a weird twin thing, drawn to the same kinds of clothes, colours ¡­ and cars. I


    wonder if it extends to women and try to visualise what his girlfriend must look like. It would be a hint to


    Alexi¡¯s type I guess, so maybe I don¡¯t want to know.


    Alexi gets up and embraces him in a manly hug and Mico follows suit. Seeing them acting like normal


    men, greeting each other warmly, makes me gawp and just enforces the fact he isn¡¯t putting on any


    show for me being here. He doesn¡¯t care if I see this side to him anymore.


    I have entered an alternate reality¡ªone in which Alexi has a human side and knows how to smile. And


    hug. And be nice.


    Ew!


    ¡®Red!!!¡¯ Gino barks my name happily and I flinch, dropping my pen as I jump and realise I have been


    staring into space as I thought this out. I recoil into my seat when he moves towards me at speed,


    trying to get away from him before he pounces on me.


    ¡®Look at you, all Miss Official and serious. What¡¯s he got you doing? Books? Paperwork? You look very


    pretty today and it¡¯s awesome to see you back.¡¯ Gino is killing me with over-enthusiastic friendliness


    and I lean back away from him when he swoops in to give me an awkward hug.


    ¡®No touching,¡¯ I yelp at him defensively, raising my palms, momentarily phased by the resemnce to


    Alexi and automatically spitting it out at him.


    I catch Alexi raise a brow at me across the room, no hint of anything readable, and Gino moves back


    bursting out in a cheesy grin.


    ¡®Ouch ¡­ What you done to piss her off, Lex? Even the lookalikes are getting a no go warning.¡¯ He


    laughs, jesting, and I right myself in my seat and smooth down my dress in a bid to not act rattled.


    ¡®She¡¯s mad at me for yelling at her,¡¯ Alexi answers smoothly, watching me without a flicker of remorse


    or emotion and I just stare straight back at him, mirroring his expression. I won¡¯t back down or show


    him he got to me and left me feeling upset all day over a row.


    Also, maybe the fact that a long while ago he pretty much told me to never let Gino touch me, in a very


    psychotic way, and despite not belonging to him now, it¡¯s still in the back of my mind on some level.


    I won¡¯t rock that boat.


    ¡®Maybe I just don¡¯t think men should assume women are for touching whenever they see fit,¡¯ I retort


    haughtily, aiming my remark at him, and that gets a smile from Mico this time. Dodging the real issue


    between us and going back to me answering Gino. Alexi frowns so deeply I¡¯m sure a growl must


    apany it.


    Touching is a real sore point with him today.


    ¡®I have to agree with her on that one,¡¯ Micoughs as Alexi throws him a foul re too, and then hits


    the back of his hand into Mico¡¯s abdomen, making him flinch. Childishly boyish and acting like a regr


    human being.


    I think I must be high or something¡ª this cannot be real.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®No one asked you, asshole.¡¯ Alexi mock snaps at him and Mico just shakes his head knowingly,


    seemingly on the ¡®in¡¯ about that detail between us. It¡¯s weird knowing that he has confided the terms of


    our arrangement to Mico, but I guess being his second inmand is a sign he may also be his


    closest friend andpletely in his trust. More so than his twin in some cases it seems.


    ¡®What have you been yelling at Red for this time?¡¯ Gino saunters back to Alexi and shoves him


    backwards so hends his butt back on the stool ungracefully and throws a swing at Gino with his foot.


    Gino dodges it expertly and tries for a palm p at Alexi¡¯s head; he¡¯s faster and ducks out of range. It¡¯s


    typical male aggressive carry-on between brothers but the fact that Alexi is in the midst of it has me


    feeling like I might be hallucinating. He just looks so ¡­ normal.


    ¡®Piss off. She sometimes needs yelling at. She¡¯s a walking disaster who has no concept of personal


    safety!¡¯ He turns his back on me on the stool and grabs Gino in a headlock, pulling him with him and


    the pair burst into an immature wrestling match for a few minutes before Mico pulls them apart with a


    heavy sigh.


    ¡®Stop being assholes, move. I want to sit down.¡¯ Mico shoves Gino over and sits between them like


    some referee or father figure, and pushes Gino again when he leans back trying to take a flick at


    Alexi¡¯s head. Alexi is faster and catches his hand, giving it a twist before Mico can stop them. Gino


    muffles a yelp and swats him off.


    ¡®Will you two stop that! I swear sometimes you two need to be muzzled.¡¯ Dad voice on and he


    aggressively shoves them both apart, to stop the shenanigans. I am guessing this is not new at all and


    Mico is used to acting as middleman between the two.


    I can¡¯t do anything but stare, weirdly out of my mind with the craziness of what I am watching. Alexi just


    regressed twenty years in the space of five minutes, and this guy sitting here ¡­plete stranger to


    me. I feel like I don¡¯t know him at all. Gino too ¡­ Mr smooth and smiley ¡­ both of them.


    Juvenile little boys and I have to practically push my eyes back in from popping out of my head. I can


    guarantee no one outside of the Carrero inner circle gets to see this behaviour.


    Who the hell is this person?


    ¡®Dickhead.¡¯ Both of them say it in the same tone at the same time, to each other, with the same


    unamused expression, as they re across at one another behind Mico¡¯s back; Completely identical


    bookends.


    This time, without thought, just a simple reaction, I impulsively giggle out loud at the craziness of it ¡­


    Twins for sure.


    Alexi casts a nce back my way, his expression softening towards me as we connect intensely, a


    strange weird buzz of something in that look that makes my heart flutter unexpectedly across the room


    and then I look away quickly¡ªsuddenly engulfed in unexpected shyness, and my cheeks warm in a


    blush. Heart rate ups the ante and I forget how to breathe.


    What the hell was that?


    It''s the sudden warmth after being stressed all day over him being mad at me. A stupid reaction to him


    letting it go a little.


    It makes me pipe down and I hide my reaction by burying my face back in my file as heat envelops my


    entire body. Not wanting to draw any more attention from him.


    ¡®Go kiss and make up. Stop giving her the Alexi cold shoulder. It¡¯s obvious you want to,¡¯ Gino goads


    him immaturely, not backing down, being his usual prick self and I nce up in annoyance, throwing


    him shade. Not sure I like him pushing this point. I know Alexi is still stewing over his anger at me, and


    Gino should leave it alone. I don¡¯t appreciate his jokes, or him trying to cajole Alexi to do anything in


    rtion to me, certainly not kissing ¡­ definitely not while I¡¯m sensitive suddenly to his every move and


    response. I feel like everything inside of me just hit high alert.


    ¡®Can¡¯t ¡­ she doesn¡¯t want me to touch her, so I¡¯ll stay over here and piss you off instead.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s eyes


    run over me for a second time, slowly and deliberately, burning my entire body as though I was just


    scorched by the sun with that loaded look before turning away. I recognise that look. It¡¯s what I feel


    every time he gets too close. The physical undressing with mind alone.


    The attraction is still there for both of us; despite everything ¡­ it¡¯s sobering in a way.


    He actually sounded sarcastic mad rather than raging mad at that one. A haughty tone to his voice,


    hurt boy mood, and it was said loud enough that he wanted me to hear him.


    Alexi is sulking, and I guess the touching rule is getting to him more than I gave it credit for. Makes


    sense if he is walking around horny, as much as I am.


    Meanwhile, I am sat here sizzling inside with weird random emotions, high pulse rate and breathless


    for no apparent reason other than it has to be sex based. I feel like he just ravaged me with a look.


    ¡®What she do?¡¯


    Gino again, and I feel like I might tear my hair out. I can¡¯t stand it anymore. I get up causing chaos with


    my papers due to trembling hands and grab at them as they go flying in every direction; Making a show


    of leaving them to it as I evacuate clumsily. I¡¯m not sticking around for this and I need to get away from


    him so I can stop acting like an overwrought oddball. BOB and I have a date tonight for sure. I am


    going to self-pleasure the Alexi right out of me.


    ¡®None of your fucking business,¡¯ Alexi snaps, seemingly aware of my impending departure as he


    nces my way again, eyes connecting once more and I almost feel my knees give out with the way


    we hit on contact ¡­ sizzling my blood to soaring levels. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s happening to me, but I


    should get the hell away from him and the warning that Gino is pissing him off. Mico puts a hand on


    Gino¡¯s shoulder and gives him a shake.


    ¡®Enough. Don¡¯t poke the bear.¡¯


    My sentiments exactly.


    I don¡¯t hang around to see where this is going and walk on, unsteady jelly legs, past all three of them


    perched along my marble bar, out of the club and into the lobby without looking their way. I would rather


    not witness him building to volcanic levels and nning my demise because of it, or show him that he


    has had some weird all-consuming effect on my nervous system that I cannot exin.


    Sex has a lot to answer for!

 Chapter 104

    Chapter 104


    ¡®London?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice makes me stop dead as I get to the hallway for the lift and my heart drops like a


    lead weight. He¡¯s followed me, and I turn back, ready to face another yelling match or sadistic prick


    appearance. I¡¯m just overwhelmed with whatever the hell that was between us back there and he¡¯s


    clearly in the mood for putting women in their ce today and functioning on high sexuality.


    And he called me London, which is usually not a good sign.


    I move slowly, inhaling heavily to reel in my chaotic hormones and face him, expecting the worst. He


    just looks calm, unemotional and unaffected in the way I am, which irritates me.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    One sided sexual tension then?


    ¡®You dropped this.¡¯ He hands me a sheet of paper with my handwriting all over it, a list I have been


    ticking off as I work, and I sigh. A little relieved that¡¯s all he followed me for, and bring my eyes back to


    his as I take it. He studies me closely.


    ¡®Thank you.¡¯ I don¡¯t know what else to say. There is an awkward pause because he just stands


    towering over me silently, looking at me with that effortless deadpan expression of his, and yet the air


    between us gets instantly thick and heavy.


    My panties are not as ready to drop so dramatically but the embers are still glowing.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry I yelled at you,¡¯ he mutters quietly. It¡¯s not the most heartfelt apology of my life, and it¡¯s


    obvious he¡¯s still being a moody prick as he says it with a slightly strained tone. A look on his face that


    he feels obliged to do this rather than wants too, but I guess it¡¯s better than nothing. I can tell it¡¯s not


    easy for him to do it.


    Alexi never apologises beforemitting horrible acts of punishment on me, so maybe I am being


    saved from future worry. He only ever said sorry when he was letting something go or already


    administered the revengeful reaction in the past¡ªnever before.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry I tried to Wonder Woman a rescue for a stinky stray. He ran away by the way. I don¡¯t think he


    will be back.¡¯


    Impulsively, I fill the weirdness between us with words and back down feebly. Losing all my sass when


    he¡¯s this close, even while I am still reacting down in theher regions like a sex-starved


    nymphomaniac; Standing awkwardly, feeling fidgety while trying to staypletely still to hide it.


    Think of BOB ¡­ BOB, myrge well-endowed vibrating friend and a nice night of porn and orgasms.


    That should cure me for a while!


    ¡®Actually ¡­ he was in the lot when I pulled in, ran right out in front of me.¡¯ Alexi looks grim and despite


    myself and my normalck of empathy for most human beings, a massive pang of pain strikes me


    across the chest, killing my libido dead. I grab his wrist impulsively inplete horror, clutching him in


    painful panic.


    ¡®Oh my god, you didn¡¯t ¡­?¡¯ Tears hit my eyes, such a stupid reaction over some dumb unwanted


    animal but its automatic and I can¡¯t help it. A vision of him running over that poor, defenceless little


    beast strikes a massive dagger in my heart. Throbbing instantly as it rips me in two.


    Alexi frowns at me as though I am insane and then looks down to the death grip I have on his wrist,


    clinging to him needily in the hope he is joking. My knuckles turning white with the effort I am holding


    on. He¡¯s probably wondering how it is he can¡¯t touch me but I get to anytime I want. Not that this is


    affection. I am on the verge of hysteria over some creepy cat.


    ¡®Little shit dodged me, he¡¯s fine. Probably sharpening his ws on my paintwork as we speak.¡¯ He


    answers sarcastically, disinterested in the poor animal¡¯s plight and my eyes widen in shock.


    ¡®You tried to hit him?¡¯ I squeak, appalled that he would try to run it over, a weak defenceless innocent


    animal. A poor kitty, one just looking to survive. I let him go inplete disgust, abhorrence all over my


    face.


    Alexi just rolls his eyes at me and sighs.


    ¡®No. Add animals to my no women, no children rule. Unless he throws himself under my car or gives


    me reason to run him over ¡­ I am notpletely devoid of morals,¡¯ He replies tartly.


    No, just a heart.


    He brushes away the red imprint I left on his arm as though swatting a fly off, and I almost choke on the


    sudden swell of tears that hit me in the back of the throat and eyes.


    It calms my internal hysteria but I¡¯m still gawping at him, overly fragile, emotionally now. Unsure if he¡¯s


    joking, lying or just being a prick, and when he touches my hand softly, I jump out of my skin at the


    unexpected touch.


    ¡®The cat is fine. I told Daniels to get it some food and water if it¡¯s going to be living in the lot. Looks like


    shit, probably came here to die. It seems old.¡¯ He adds warily and I get the vibe he¡¯s trying to stop


    being a dick. In his weird way.


    ¡®What?¡¯ It just sets me off again though, what he said and this time I do start crying. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s


    bloody wrong with me. I don¡¯t want it to die here like some sad lonely unwanted street rat. The thought


    is heart-breaking.


    ¡®Jesus Christ, are you having your period or something?¡¯ Alexi steps back as though I¡¯m somehow


    offending him by getting upset over something so dumb; I p him on the chest amid blurry tears and


    stupid sobs ¡­ distraught and unable to control it.


    ¡®Shut up, I can¡¯t help it. Leave me alone. I don¡¯t have periods and I¡¯m allowed to cry okay. Are you


    completely abhorred by women¡¯s tears in case they infect you somehow? It¡¯s not catching Alexi¡ªyou


    can¡¯t contract human emotions by being exposed to tears you know!! It¡¯s not a disease!¡¯ I p him in


    the shoulder again for being an insensitive arsehole and he just shakes his head at me.


    He doesn¡¯t know that I don¡¯t have them and can¡¯t function like a normal woman down there, but it still


    annoys me when men use the period dig anytime a female is emotional.


    ¡®Women! ¡­ I will never understand you.¡¯ He mutters it under his breath at me and gets a frosty look in


    return. He really is a charmer sometimes.


    ¡®Well least you can admit it,¡¯ I snark back at him, wiping my nose on my sleeve and try to stem the


    tears. I feel stupid for getting this way over something ridiculous. My hormones are haywire today and I


    should probably go lie down or something.


    ¡®I agree about the gun.¡¯ Ites out of nowhere, that brain of his changing direction and it has the


    same effect as a sobering stroke, getting me to stop sniffing and blink it away to look at him instead.


    ¡®You do?¡¯ I am not sure I believe what I hear but everything inside of me is surprised into a more stable


    mood anyway. Staring at him questioningly as his expression softens greatly.


    ¡®Yeah ¡­ So, Jackson always on your ass and you have a new driver, so he doesn¡¯t ever have to


    abandon you to park. His name is Wes; he ising down from my uptown office to be stationed here.


    All he does is drive, nothing else. Think you can handle that? Obediently?¡¯ Alexi skims the agreement


    part, obviously miffed that he did, in fact, have to side with me on one of hismands and I feel smug


    about it. A little warmed by the fact Lord Carrero is rethinking an order and actuallypromising with


    me.


    Hell just froze over.


    ¡®Yes, Sir.¡¯ I won¡¯t argue on this point because, to be honest, I never thought the day woulde that he


    would ever actually agree with me. I calm myself, smooth my dress down to regain my cool control and


    wipe away thest evidence of my upset.


    The cat is fine. I am fine. Deep breath.


    ¡®You forgetting something?¡¯ Alexi looks instantly stern and I honestly have no clue what he¡¯s on about.


    ¡®What?¡¯ I just blink back at him in bewilderment, looking down to check my file and then my dress in


    case it¡¯s something stupid, questioning everything mentally.


    ¡®Jackson? You¡¯re not staying down here so why isn¡¯t he with you?¡¯ It¡¯s that edgy bastard toneing


    back because ¡­ well because it¡¯s Alexi, I guess.


    I sigh at him.


    ¡®Oh, for God¡¯s sake, I am in the hallway of your ¡­¡¯ I shut my mouth when I realise what I am saying.


    Especially with the lift right at the side of me where I was almost abducted. Alexi just raises that


    infuriating brow and stays staring like a cold stone arsehole. I crumble, all resistance wavers, and I am


    momentarily renderedpliant.


    ¡®Okaaaay!¡¯ I relent in an exasperated sigh.


    ¡®I shall go get him.¡¯ I make a move to go but the hand he sts on my chest ungracefully to stop me


    almost sends me back on my arse and enrages me in an instant. Still not quite getting to grips with the


    whole no touching thing, and I sometimes wonder why I bother. He has no concept of boundaries


    except when he chooses them.


    I throw him my unamused re and he just ignores it. He presses something on the side of his head


    instead and carries on.


    ¡®Jackson you¡¯re wanted. Hallway. Now!¡¯ Commanding, cold, efficient. He¡¯s back to Mafia King. I have to


    say, I instantly miss the little hints of human.


    I have to do a little double take and blink to really see it, the thing he used to talk into. I can see a small


    almost clear thing in his ear like a little wireless radio, and he catches me looking at it as I try to figure


    out what it is.


    ¡®It¡¯s how we all stay in touch. This is the mic.¡¯ He points to a tiny little clear dot on the inside of his t-shirt


    neckline that¡¯s barely a ¡®thing¡¯ and I must say I¡¯m impressed. It¡¯s so inconspicuous it¡¯s barely there and


    very high tech, most likely expensive as hell. I lean in to nosy at it and give him an intrigued smile.


    ¡®Gino?¡¯ I ask automatically, and he nods, a hint of pride on his face that¡¯s sort of cute. He really does


    love his brother I guess, even if they are weirdlypetitive and very strange together. It¡¯s odd to see


    an actual caring response from him and I rx a little more.


    ¡®My brother has skill. Tech genius when ites to security. Now talking of which, he came to invite us


    all out for a night on the tiles. You want toe?¡¯ Alexi raises expectant brows, another change in


    conversation direction, and a soft smile appearing ever so slightly that distracts me for a moment. I


    have to shake my eyes away from how subtly sexy it is.


    ¡®As in a night on the piss? With a bunch of Carrero men? Like a little Carrero gang bang? I¡¯m not sure


    that¡¯s my thing.¡¯ I am confused by the invitation, disarmed by it, but Alexi smiles at me properly and his


    dimples give me internal butterflies that make me curse myself out.


    ¡®Yes, a night out. A regr club like normal people, not an orgy, and he¡¯s taking Alessandra his


    girlfriend. Mico is taking Mandy and a few of our cousins with their womene too. We do this


    sometimes, to let off steam. How about it, London, do you want a night off?¡¯ He leans one hand against


    the wall to tower over me intimately and I just haul my papers to my chest nervously, overly aware of


    how he is making me feel again, crossing my arms over them to feel more secure.


    ¡®As your woman?¡¯ I ask warily, seeing where this is going if everyone couples up for a cosy little family


    bonding time, and no way in hell am I going down that route with him again. My heart rate pitches as


    nerves move in.


    ¡®No, as just someone who wants toe and enjoy herself for a night. I can take a date if you would


    feel better about it.¡¯ He frowns at me as he says it and I get that inner aching pang that springs a quick


    answer.


    ¡®Yeah, I think not. I¡¯m not ying third wheel to you and some rancid doe-eyed ything.¡¯ The thought


    of enduring him with some hoe draped all over him makes me feel physically sick.


    ¡®Do you want toe or not?¡¯ Alexi is getting irritated, and as Jackson appears and starts walking


    towards us, I sigh dramatically.


    ¡®Fine. As long as having you as escort means I don¡¯t need him for one night?¡¯ I throw a thumb


    Jackson¡¯s way and Alexi shrugs.


    ¡®He cane if you are, bring Susan, his wife. Sure she will love being taken for a night on the town.


    You up for it cuz?¡¯ He looks up at his goon and throws him a questioning look.


    I am not sure I like all thisck of public Mr Mafia and silent respect. He¡¯s being so overly familiar and


    normal with his usually obedient man that this feels casually cosy. I am not used to any of this, and I


    am not sure I can get used to being on the inside and looking out.


    It¡¯s ¡­ odd.


    Alexi the silent domineering psycho was easier to swallow than this moody something else. I don¡¯t


    know if it¡¯s because it¡¯s softening him around the edges and giving me a new perspective, but it¡¯s


    making me uneasy. It¡¯s hard to hate him when he¡¯s humanising himself to me, bing tolerable and


    I¡¯m not sure I want that. That¡¯s what he did that night when sex was something else, and I am more


    than aware that if he can¡¯t use sex as the same weapon then he isn¡¯t against using everything else. I


    still can¡¯t decide if he¡¯s ying me to pull me close or if he has genuinely let me see another side to


    him.


    I want my reason to hold onto hating him and keeping my distance. I still don¡¯t trust that he won¡¯t flip


    like a switch, and if I lower my guard with this new side to him, I won¡¯t see iting until it¡¯s toote.


    ¡®You know me, Lex ¡­ booze and music and a night off. I¡¯m all in.¡¯ Jackson nods with a huge warm


    smile that is endearing. Hees across as a gentle giant and I instantly like him.


    I gaze back at Alexi again, that handsome face as he focuses on me and gives me nothing in that


    appraising look, which lingers over my face for a little too long before he sighs softly.


    I should just say I don¡¯t want to go out with them, but the calling of a night away from here and a reason


    to get mmed up and let my hair down a bit is too alluring. Part of me wants to see what they are like


    when they hang up their day job coats for a night and have a big Carrero get together away from here.


    I¡¯m curious to see how much deeper Alexi¡¯syers go.


    I also want to see Gino¡¯s girlfriend. Purely for research purposes, of course.


    ¡®Sorted. Pack a bag and be ready in the next hour. We have a ne to catch.¡¯ Alexi moves as Jackson


    closes the gap and heads back to where he came from ¡ªI¡¯m still trying to get my head around what he


    just said.


    ¡®A flight? What?¡¯ Confusion overruling refusal and he throws me back a smile.


    ¡®I can¡¯t exactly kick back and have a night off in my own city. I need to go where no one knows me.¡¯


    Oh. I never thought about that.


    Of course, he can¡¯t be anyone but Alexi Carrero in New York. He wouldn¡¯t be able to go unless nked


    by his men, and even then, he couldn¡¯t let his guard down with family and get drunk. It makes sense he


    would want to go somewhere as an anonymous Joe and be able to really have a night off properly.


    It must be a burden to constantly have to watch your back and be on your guard.


    The thought of going somewhere new and exciting with Alexi as just a normal guy is a little intriguing.


    Despite myself, I want to see what that¡¯s like, and against all internal warning, I click my fingers for


    Jackson to follow and head upstairs to go pack.

 Chapter 105

    Chapter 105


    I slide into the seat of the private jet, quietlyughing at the emzoned gold ¡®C¡¯ logo on absolutely


    everything in a very amused manner that gets a shrug from Alexi. It¡¯s not his ne but it belongs to his


    cousin or something, and I get a kick out of the familiar iconic mark everywhere. I have seen it on


    buildings in the city and on paperwork in the office sometimes. It¡¯s not Alexi¡¯s trademark, but the


    business tycoons in the family use it to solidify a brand. Carrero is a household name on a lot of high-


    quality products and services in the States.


    I move in and slump down into the moulded leather of the best aerone seat I have ever sat on in my


    life, enjoying the feeling of well-designedfort as my weary bones unfurl. Even though this belongs


    to family; with his money I¡¯m sure he could afford one of his own and wonder why he doesn¡¯t. He


    travels enough to warrant it.


    I don¡¯t understand the dynamics of the Carreros at all, or the way the underworld and above-board


    sides coexist and share, yet remain separate in public lives. It¡¯s odd.


    It seems like they are one secretly huge close-knitmunity underneath, who are either on the good


    side or not. Everyone still interacts and knows what the other side is doing and seems fine with it


    ovepping asionally; Private rtionships, such as meeting his cousins for training or family time


    out of sight, away from prying eyes. The media never connects the shy businessmen with the


    politically ingrained ones like Alexi.


    I know his cousin Jacob Carrero is on the New York¡¯s hot men list for the umpteenth year in a row, and


    yet Alexi has avoided being printed in any sort of glossy his whole life. He is hotter than his cousin by


    any standard, in my opinion!


    Both are known billionaires with manypanies at theirmand, yet somehow Alexi is given a free


    pass from the media and only those with his dark world connections know of his true reputation and


    purpose in life.


    I guess money can buy you any kind of front you need and equally hide the parts you wish to remain


    unseen. He has powerful friends in high ces and generations of connections that enable this almost


    split existence. He can pass off as introverted money-maker who frequents events, and those in the


    know are aware you never cross him or gossip about what his family are if you want to keep breathing.


    It¡¯s crazy how society lets it go on in the shadows this way.


    I guess it¡¯s a form of protection too, for those not embroiled in Alexi¡¯s world and some who are. He can


    take better care of the innocents if they are not linked to the family¡¯s crime side; protect acquaintances


    who show him favour. And I know, above all, he has a huge thing about responsibility for his family and


    protecting them, always. With him, family are priority. I have always known that about him. It¡¯s the first


    rule in his code book.


    Familyes first!


    We got here before anyone, the little Club Carrero group of us, so as I rx after choosing my back


    seat in an empty ne, Alexi moves in from trailing after me at a distance and sits on the seat right


    next to me and getsfy too. Stretching out his legs and throwing me a soft smile as he settles in


    right beside me. I am not surprised he chose to sit here; seeing as everyoneing has a partner and


    I guess it would look weird if he sat somewhere else and left me alone. Alexi never goes dateless by


    choice, so he will expect everyone to assume I¡¯m a current ything.


    I don¡¯t really care as long as he knows that¡¯s not how this is.


    Apart from Gino, Mico and now Jackson, I don¡¯t know anyone else who ising with us and as far as


    I know, it¡¯s a small group.


    Mico and his girlfriend Mandy already picked seats at the very front of the ne, facing forward to have


    some ¡®alone time¡¯ and we are right at the back where the tables are because I wanted a window seat


    and somewhere with a desk space to spread out. I don¡¯t do social groups very often.


    I brought some books to read on the flight, seeing as he told me it is three hours to Miami¡ªthe


    billionaire destination for nightclub getaways apparently. I don¡¯t want to spend three hours making small


    talk with anyone, especially not Alexi.


    I can¡¯t believe we are all just hopping on a ne to Miami for one night of getting drunk and partying. It


    does seem rather random and spontaneous for Alexi, but as Jackson told me in the lift, this is a two-


    yearly event and it¡¯s the only way Alexi ever really kicks back properly in his busy schedule. My being


    invited seems a little more symbolic the more I think about it, and as I nce his way to evaluate him, I


    can¡¯t help feeling this is significant.


    Alexi is texting on his phone, oblivious to me while he is focused on whatever and doesn¡¯t look my way,


    even when I stare at him for a good three minutes. That handsome profile set on what he is reading


    and he just looks so young tonight. Not intimidating or boorish in any way. He seems rxed and in a


    bright mood. Even on the car ride here, he was yful and seemed to ooze a new side to him. It was


    strange, if not a little nice.


    He¡¯s still dressed casually from earlier, with the addition of a leather jacket which only emphasizes the


    tattoo running up the side of his neck and behind his ear. He had a haircut today and it¡¯s shorter and


    spikier than normal, he looks like any other hot man on the way to a weekend adventure. Effortlessly


    youthful and sexy and I pull myself away from overly examining him, aware that he has a very extreme


    effect on myher regions when I allow my brain to stray down that path. I am trying not to let my


    hormones cloud my brain when ites to him.


    I¡¯m distracted by more people boarding and get a smile from Gino as he drags in a tall leggy brte,


    who looks very Italian, by the hand. She is slim, tanned, exotic and gorgeous, with a massive set of


    boobs over a tiny waist under a very tight red dress, and smiles our way graciously.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    ¡®Ehi, Alexi, da tempo non ci vediamo,¡¯ she beams at him, and he looks up waving back¡ªobviously


    understanding her.


    ¡®Hey, Alessandra, nice dress.¡¯ Alexi gets up, eyeing her up appreciatively, smiling naturally, and moves


    along the aisle to kiss her on the cheek. I watch in disbelief, a churning of something in the pit of my


    stomach as she gives him a warm hug and kisses him back. It¡¯s not awkward or forced and he still


    seems as rxed as he was.


    ¡®You look so sexy in this. Gino might havepetition, huh? She jests cheekily, smoothing her hands


    over thepels of his jacket,ughing when Gino frowns at her and shoves his brother in the shoulder


    yfully. Alexi just winks at Gino and ignores the faux outrage on his face. It¡¯s obvious that Gino has no


    qualms about his woman¡¯s loyalty. Or else this is just in sick.


    Alessandra has a very heavy Italian ent and I don¡¯t know whether I like her or not. I don¡¯t appreciate


    her overly touchy way with Alexi, or the fact he seems to be totally fine with it.


    I swear to god they better have never had a threesome or I may just leave on the grounds of that


    thought alone.


    She oozes sex appeal and is effortlessly beautiful and sensual in every way she moves. Inhumanely


    stunning with a body to die for and I can tell even from here her dress is designer. She has taste.


    The cut and fit is beautiful and I am instantly envious of her. Not just because she¡¯s ¡®blow your mind¡¯


    hot, but because she¡¯s standing with Alexi¡¯s arm around her waist cosily as they continue to have a


    quiet conversation in Italian, as though it¡¯s the most normal thing for him to do. She has his full


    uninterrupted attention.


    Gino seemspletely unfazed, waves to me and then slides into a centre seat as his woman is being


    monopolized by his twin. I am getting no hints of jealous or mistrust from his manner, even while my


    own heart is pounding out of my chest painfully. Trying to rip my eyes from the sight of them.


    I wonder if Alexi finds her attractive, I mean he obviously does. Even I can see her merits, and I am


    straight as theye. Although I am not against girl on girl when it serves my purpose and I have


    seduced women before when I needed to.


    She leans her arm on Alexi¡¯s shoulder when he lets her go and continues talking, perching against him


    as though she owns him, which makes me bite my lip to curb the breathy waveing over me. I feel


    sick, even though I know I am being dumb¡ªit¡¯s just he used to use women as a weapon on me


    frequently and I cannot stomach seeing it now, even when it¡¯s innocent. It feels like anxiety or


    something painful and I try like crazy to squish it down. They carry on chatting, oblivious to my mini


    meltdown.


    From here all I can pick up is Italian, which I cannot speak. Alexi is returning in fluent dialogue too, so I


    get nothing of the conversation anymore and it¡¯s frustrating to have no clue what¡¯s being said. The odd


    nces she sends my way unnerve me and I look down, opening my book to appear disinterested. It¡¯s


    obvious he has mentioned me, and I don¡¯t actually want to know what he just said if I am honest.


    Scanning the pages to find thest ce I left off and trying so hard to calm myself internally, I jump


    when dark hair falls in front of me like a curtain as she leans over to perch on my table.


    ¡®Hello. I¡¯m Alessandra. You¡¯re Cam- eell- eeya, right?¡¯ Her ent makes her pronounce my name in a


    very quirky way that gets a tingle of a smile from me. It¡¯s oddly cute, even if this is the woman who was


    using my Alexi as a leaning post a moment ago.


    I mean Alexi ¡­ The Alexi ¡­ That Alexi ¡­ Not My ¡­


    Never mind!


    Up close and personal she¡¯s even prettier and that ent is heavy and husky and effortlessly sexy. I


    can see why Gino would never cheat on her with someone like me. She¡¯s a goddess walking among


    mere mortals and up this close there is not one blemish on her. He would be mad to look elsewhere.


    ¡®Hi, Cami, yeah.¡¯ I shake her outstretched soft hand, feeling ufortable at the attention of this girl


    and nce by to see Alexi is leaning into Gino¡¯s aisle, they are locked in deep conversation as we wait


    for more guests; ignoring our little introduction¡ªUnimportant to him, I guess.


    ¡®Ahhh how sexy, I love your ent. Lex told me you were a cute little English girl, but he didn¡¯t tell me


    how beautiful you were. You are just adorable.¡¯


    Cute. Little. English. Girl!


    Is that how he sees at me? Some na?ve immature child! Stereotypically British! And cute? What the


    fuck is cute? Puppy dog or kitten like? Jesus Christ!


    I feel so offended and somehowpletely gutted if that is how he describes me to people. It¡¯s the


    most unttering thing a man could say about a girl who spent her years training herself to be a vixen.


    ¡®Thanks, I wasn¡¯t expecting a siren to board the ne and now I feel a little underdressed.¡¯ I point out


    charmingly, nodding at her obvious club wear and then back at my casual ck trousers and top. I


    came dressed to travel and packed my outfit. I never even looked at my hair and makeup from what I


    had done already. She looks set to walk off the ne and straight onto the red carpet, and I hope to


    God that¡¯s not what we are doing as I will have to get ready on the ne. I should have asked him. I


    don¡¯t feel particrly confident anymore.


    ¡®I came straight from a shoot. I am a model and just couldn¡¯t resist borrowing this little number for our


    night away.¡¯ She giggles naughtily and throws me a wicked smile.


    A model ¡­ go figure.


    I feel like I am paling inparison, yet despite what she is and how she looks I am not getting any


    catty vibes at all. The exact opposite in fact. She seems genuinely nice and I have never known how to


    take nice people. I haven¡¯t had many interactions with them and my brain always tries to find out what


    they are angling for.


    I have met very few in my existence and I just don¡¯t know how to interact with them. I feel inadequate


    and ufortable and just smile her way; my inner pangs of emotion settling down once more.


    ¡®I like it. I have a weakness for expensive clothes.¡¯ I distract, turning on the faux sultry charm I normally


    reserve for men in the hopes it covers how out of my depth I am around her.


    ¡®Me too; I think you pay for quality and mour and luckily Gino indulges me¡ªMy Bambino.¡¯ She


    nces back and smiles their way; unconcealed adoration for the man she is besotted with, and I get a


    bigger pang of stomach clutching envy, wondering what it must feel like to have that sort of connection


    with someone and have it returned equally.


    Alexi looks this way, watches us for a moment and then goes back to chatting. Nothing in his


    expression at all, like always; infuriatingly disinterested in me while Gino sends little puppy eyes


    wandering over at his woman.


    For a second a little sharp spike in my heart hits me and I wonder what it would be like to have Alexi


    look at me that way.


    It¡¯s stupid and destructive. I should wash that toxic right out of my head.


    I¡¯m letting this weird mood colour my thoughts and all this crap with him needs to exit immediately. I


    need to get better control of my messy feelings, sooner rather thanter.


    I can see more people boarding just past her¡ªA mix of very Carrero looking men and their women and


    spot Jackson too, with a small blonde pretty. He left the club to go fetch his wife earlier, unlike Mico


    who had here meet us here. I haven¡¯t met most of these people and they all split up to nestle


    around the ne in little groups, waving and saying hey to everyone else. It¡¯s obvious they see one


    another frequently as no one rushes to congregate in an excited huddle.


    ¡®I better go sit beside my lover; he misses me when I am gone too long. I am sure Alexi feels the same


    when he lets his beauty out of his sight. You finally tamed the beast in that one.¡¯ She winks at me


    demurely, catching me off guard.


    What?


    ¡®Oh, we¡¯re not ¡­¡¯ I don¡¯t get a chance to finish as she leans in and pinches my cheek in a surprising


    and very personal manner that shuts me up with the jump she extracts out of me.

 Chapter 106

    Chapter 106


    ¡®Adorable! Carrero men, we are so weak for them. Ciao Be.¡¯ She steps back to wiggle down the aisle


    back to her man and Alexi moves to let her slide in, getting another peck on the cheek as she passes.


    She pats him lovingly on the shoulder too.


    I can¡¯t really say I have a right to feel jealous about the obvious affection, I mean she¡¯s not the first


    ¡®family¡¯ member to say that they adore Alexi, and I guess they see something in him to feel that way.


    It¡¯s just, I do.


    Insanely crazily, heart pounding in my chest feeling of hurt, watching how he interacts with other


    women who are not part of his world or games.


    It¡¯s not that she¡¯s touching him¡ªit¡¯s how he is behaving that slices me irreversibly.


    Women in his family whom he marked as out of bounds; He treats them with a kindness and respect


    that he has never shown me or any of the women I see in the club with him. Touches, cuddles,


    gentlemanly behaviour, and God forbid ¡­ affection. They are never shown his cold and sadistic side,


    yet, I have seen all sides now, mostly the worst.


    I look away when he walks back towards me, trying to push it down and not feel affected by it, but it


    has cut me, deep inside. Eyes misting and throat aching.


    Crushingly so.


    Knowing that even if he is treating me differently to how he did before, it¡¯s still not how he treats women


    he obviously cares about. I have to swallow down the fresh wave of tears as they hit me hard in the


    back of my throat and my chest gets achingly tight.


    Stupid to ever have let myself believe this was more. I realise somewhere deep down I must have still


    been harbouring it somewhere. No matter how much I have been denying it to myself.


    ¡®What are you reading?¡¯ Alexi moves back in causally and slides beside me, oblivious to my fragile


    mood. He lifts the edge of my book which has fallen t in myp even though I am staring down at it


    nkly and I get flustered with his sudden attention.


    ¡®Umm, I don¡¯t know, I just grabbed it because it was pretty.¡¯ It¡¯s not a lie, I saw it on the shelf of the shop


    I was in yesterday and grabbed it because I liked the cover. My head is a nk on what I have read,


    too caught up in swirling emotions and trying to hide my upset from him. He just throws me an odd look


    before buckling up his belt and nods at mine. I just made myself sound like aplete airhead while


    trying to cover the fact I¡¯m in pain, all because Alexi doesn¡¯t care about me.


    How stupid am I?


    Did I learn nothing the first-time around? Didn¡¯t I warn myself to ever, NEVER, ever go back down this


    path where he was concerned?


    ¡®Everyone¡¯s here, get ready for take-off.¡¯ He nudges me lightly with his shoulder to pull my attention and


    I drop my book and obediently buckle up. I put my bag and book on the table, eyes downcast on task


    and unable to look at him until I pull my shit together again. Hands trembling like an amateur and


    fighting my emotions to just stop crashing into one another like a freak.


    ¡®Once we are in the air, we all tend to gather in the centre and have a few champagnes. You can get to


    know my cousins and their women and feel more at ease.¡¯ Alexi leans in so his eyes are on me, forcing


    me to look up while I take long slow breaths to calm my pounding aching heart, and I just smile as


    though he ispletely off the mark¡ªLocking it all away in the cavern of my empty soul.


    ¡®Who said I am not at ease? I¡¯m the queen of social, aren¡¯t I? Hostess with the mostest?¡¯ I smile, full of


    fake bravado and oozing confidence just like I always have, whether it¡¯s true or not, and Alexi just


    slides a hand over mine snugly. Cupping my small hand under hisrger one in a perfect fit, his skin


    insanely hot on my cooler body temperature that just ignites butterflies inside every part of me. A small


    act that makes me freeze, unable to react visually because I don¡¯t want him to see it, and I don¡¯t want


    to draw attention to us by saying anything either.


    ¡®We get to be other people for once ¡­ no acts, no masks, just rx and forget who we are for one


    night, Cam. That¡¯s the whole point of this.¡¯ He utters is so gently, tone oozing warmth, and I fumble as


    he lets my hand go. A loaded look that I cannot decipher and there¡¯s a pitch to his voice I don¡¯t


    understand. There¡¯s a few seconds of tension between us and I can feel his eyes eating into me even


    though I am not looking directly at him ¡­ Heart catapulting into my throat.


    I gave up second guessing his meanings a long time ago and just nod mutely. Alexi runs his eyes over


    my face slowly, no flicker of emotion, not that I can see from the corner of my eye, before he settles


    back for take-off and I rx a little; breathing easier when he¡¯s no longer touching me.


    He moves away, looking down the aisle as Mico draws his attention by yelling something back to him,


    and I turn to the window to blur him out for a moment.


    Thrown by that moment of whatever it was and his weirdly affectionate touch, breaking the No touching


    rule yet again. I am trying not to read anything into what he said but my head is already swimming and


    it¡¯s making my lightheaded. I look for a distraction for both my brain and my rollercoaster stomach that¡¯s


    acting like it¡¯s on a spin cycle.


    ¡®Gino really did pull a stunner, didn¡¯t he?¡¯ I change the subject and nod down to where they are sitting.


    Aiming for a neutral topic, although I know my stupid jealous side wants his honest take on Alessandra.


    I want to know if she¡¯s his type.


    Everyone seems to have gathered in the middle or front of the ne away from back here and yet Alexi


    chose toe sit with me out of the way regardless. There¡¯s space beside his twin, he could easily


    have sat with them. Next to the gorgeous touchy-feely he had draped over him moments ago.


    Bitter, Cami? Really?


    I always was someone who chose to disappear into the background when I could.


    ¡®Alessandra is pretty, I guess.¡¯ He shrugs,cking real interest as he says it and I blink at him in


    surprise.


    ¡®Really? Just pretty? You guess? ¡­ She¡¯s gorgeous and effortlessly sensual in a really ssy way. It¡¯s


    crazily alluring,¡¯ I reply honestly,plete girl crush on show despite my stupid feelings over her and


    him, then blush at the fact I am telling him of all people. I am a bit weirded out that a hot-blooded male


    like him isn¡¯t salivating over her, to be honest. I don¡¯t think I believe him. She¡¯s the ultimate wet dream


    for most men.


    ¡®She reminds me of you.¡¯ Alexi answers without looking my way and I snap my head to look at him in


    disbelief. Shocked with that revtion, and yet he still seems soid back and calmly serious.


    ¡®No, she doesn¡¯t. I can only wish to have been born with that much sex appeal,¡¯ I blurt out through a


    tiny disbelievingugh, not convinced at all that she and I areparable in even the smallest way.


    Alexi gives me an odd look as if to say, ¡®what are you talking about?¡¯ and I pipe down,pletely,


    knocked with his reaction. A double take and second guess that he thinks I have anything she does.


    Does that mean he thinks I¡¯m just pretty? Or does that mean everything I just said about her, he sees in


    me?


    That little flip over of my stomach answers that for me.


    I don¡¯t see myself from in here, so it¡¯s hard to judge how Ie across to people. I don¡¯t notice my


    mannerisms or my persona when I am buried inside my own head and just doing what I do.Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Of course, I spent my life trying to learn to be what Alessandra is naturally, but I¡¯m always aware that


    it¡¯s just a fake mask I wear, and I work hard to portray it. Some parts are maybe as easy as breathing


    now, but they were self-taught and not naturally acquired. Alexi is implying she and I are alike, and I


    take it as a massivepliment if that¡¯s how he sees me. I guess more than apliment as a hot


    swirling sense of pride fills me up in the weirdest ces.


    Alexi thinks I¡¯m ssy, sensual and alluring? Sexy?


    Then again this is Alexi, and words and gestures from him are just tools to mess with your head. I


    shouldn¡¯t ever forget that, no matter how he seems or how he¡¯s been treating metely. I should never


    drop my guard where he is concerned. I have seen the other side.


    He is trying to break down my walls and I won¡¯t let him.


    My heart is maybe weakening foolishly, but my head is screwed on and trying to guide me in the right


    direction. I need to learn to put it back in control.


    The flight goes from quiet and dull, to party in the air after take-off. Unclipping belts and gathering in the


    centre to drink together, just like he told me we would, and the hours pass in a blink. It¡¯s easy to slowly


    rx and put everything out of my head when plied with champagne and listening to insane chatter


    around me. They are a very animated and entertaining family, and between them, have many stories


    and jokes that pull you in and keep you amused.


    Alexi changes gradually as we leave New York. Rxed, let¡¯s go a little and downs a few drinks with


    his brother. Side by side in the centre aisle with me perched on his left on the armrest as I sip my third


    champagne flute. A definite warm head and surreal feel as booze takes hold. I am trying not to get


    stered though, aware that my emotions are a bit cagey and I should steer clear of intoxication. I


    know how that goes when I get drunk.


    I watch him unfurl like some weird beautiful orchid and am fascinated with just how much he changes


    when surrounded by family and no pull towards responsibility or keeping face with people who matter.


    The further we get from New York; the more Alexi seems to lose that cold hard side to him and just


    warms up a lot. Getting more youthful with every mile, almost like watching stress and tension he must


    always carry, ebbing out of him.


    He smiles, he makes jokes, and like it or not, he seems to have really good rtionships with the men


    and women in his family. Passing jibes and jests between all here and behaving very gentlemanly


    towards them when dishing out drinks and chatter. I don¡¯t think I have ever seen him really drunk,


    despite how frequently I see him drink and this is weirdly eye-opening.


    I have been quiet for most of the trip so far, taking it all in silently, drinking the atmosphere in with these


    people, who genuinely seem to get along and like one another¡¯spany.


    Loud, boisterous Italian people who can drink their own weight in booze without getting obviously


    stered and who all poke fun at one another mercilessly.


    It¡¯s a weird feeling being included, yet not.


    I never had a family, never knew this kind ofradery in groups of people held together by blood.


    There¡¯s no malice, no sly or underlying maniption in this space. No one here to get something out of


    it beyond enjoyment.


    I don¡¯t know how to rx and interact the way they do with one another, and even though the affection


    seems real, I just feel like I¡¯m an outsider who can¡¯t rte in any way.


    I don¡¯t know how to be this way with people and getting drunk and watching them all, just makes me


    feel really alone.


    I¡¯m not here to y a role or impress men and seduce a situation. I¡¯m here to be me and just join in,


    and I ampletely out of my depth with that minor detail. I have never just had to be somewhere for


    the person I am and invitedpany, for no reason other than they wanted me here. Not wanted for


    my body, my looks, or anything pertaining to sex. I¡¯m not an object in this setting.


    I have no clue how to be, who to be or how to act. I have no clue what¡¯s expected of me. Truth be told,


    I¡¯m not a nice person and I have nothing to offer people when I have no game to y or act to hide


    behind; nothing interesting, nothing to be proud of. If they scratch too deep, they will realise I¡¯m


    worthless trash that just looks good in a designer dress and has no substance or depth¡ªFake as my


    nails.


    I have no funny stories or tales about friends and family. I have nothing to offer them and it¡¯s not like I


    can tell them about my job either. It¡¯s an unwritten rule that the club is a no-go area among people he¡¯s


    rted to. They wouldn¡¯t understand it ¡­ The ex-hooker running his sex club in Crimes Ville. They


    would really not like that at all.


    The drunker they all get the quieter and more detached I am. Not sure how to y people pleaser and


    social queen in this situation among genuine people. Regrettinging if this is a sign as to how my


    night is going to be. I just feel empty and so very sad.I have no goal or motive other than to just enjoy


    myself ¡­ I don¡¯t know how to be like that. I never once had to take a look inwards and ask myself, what


    makes me have fun or how to be happy. My life has never been about that¡ªit¡¯s always just been


    survival; Watching my back, nning my next move. Staying one step ahead of the game.


    ¡®You okay?¡¯ Mico moves up beside me and drops a drink in my hand as mine was empty and had been


    for a little while as I sober up with the reality that I shouldn¡¯t havee. I stopped drinking without


    wanting to draw attention to the fact by cradling an almost empty ss. I ept it, then discreetly slide


    it on the table as soon as he turns his eyes from me.


    ¡®Fine,¡¯ I give him a fake smile and watch Alexi as he leans over Gino to push Alessandra in the face


    because of something funny she said to him. There is a sibling quality in their behaviour and it just hits


    me low in the gut as my eyes sting with moisture. Even he has a side that can function with normal


    people¡ªSatan can gel with humans.


    I don¡¯t belong with these people. I never belonged anywhere.


    I feel like I am in an alternate reality and just want to go sit alone in the back and let the effects of the


    booze I have drunk wear off. I feel too floaty and surreal and that just makes me emotional and


    depressed. Insides churning up horribly.


    Drinking this much is a bad idea, I should have learned that from thest time I was drunk around Alexi.


    Drink and I do not go well together, or hand in hand in any way. It rips out my solid foundation and


    leaves me teetering weirdly between outright emotional outbursts and feeling strangely fragile. I lose


    my cold outer wall.


    ¡®What is it?¡¯ Alexi the bloodhound is on me now as Mico scrutinises my face and I sigh heavily, pasting


    on big, fake happy and shake my head, swallowing down all signs of anything amiss with thest


    ounces of strength in me.


    ¡®Nothing, I¡¯m just quiet when I¡¯m with people I don¡¯t really know.¡¯ I lie and hope to God it seems


    genuine.


    Alexi gets up and slides out of the aisle past us with a frown on that pretty face of his, tapping my arm


    and extending a hand to me which makes it obvious I am to take it. I can tell by the expression he¡¯s in


    no mood for refusals and I don¡¯t want a scene among these people. He wouldn¡¯t think twice about


    humiliating me.


    I take it, cursing him for giving me no option other than to do so and momentarily close my eyes while


    taking a breath as he closes my hand inside his possessively. I let him pull me off my perch and drag


    me back to the ne seats we started in. He slides me in front of him quickly to sit back where I left my


    book, and he follows to close me in by sitting right beside me again.


    ¡®What¡¯s wrong?¡¯ He¡¯s on me as soon as I nestle into the seat, turning to me and caging me in by putting


    a hand behind my head on the rest and one on the table in front of me. Closer than I can handle him at


    any given time and I try to nk out how good he smells.


    I can tell he¡¯s already slightly drunk and he seems different ¡­ Softer. All that sadistic ice is harder to


    see under foggy grey eyes and a rxed expression. It¡¯s unnervinging from him. He seems more


    like Mico at this moment and yet a lot more invasive on my person.


    ¡®I¡¯m fine, I told you.¡¯ I wave him away with a dismissive gesture and sigh heavily, turning to look out into


    the darkness of the sky. I am gripping onto my sense of okay with my fingernails and trying to give


    nothing away.

 Chapter 107

    Chapter 107


    ¡®You don¡¯t like my family?¡¯ He asks seriously, frowning at me, and I can¡¯t tell if he is annoyed by that


    fact, or just curious. He¡¯s being his usual self and giving nothing away about what he¡¯s feeling or


    thinking. Sometimes I just wish I had a little tiny inkling of what goes on in his head¡ªjust once.


    ¡®Your family seem nice and I already knew a couple of them. I¡¯m fine. Just not really in the party mood


    yet, I take time to warm up,¡¯ I answer calmly, quietly, dodging his intense focus and keep on ncing at


    passing clouds right by the window.


    ¡®You regreting?¡¯ He presses the matter a little tighter toned.


    Jesus, he¡¯s like the Spanish Inquisition and I don¡¯t get why he cares so much about this.


    ¡®No, it¡¯s just ¡­ nothing.¡¯ I exhale in defeat, body tensing with increasing stress levels. No idea why I


    feel like I owe him an exnation. I turn away and look out of the window more obviously in the hope


    he¡¯ll leave me to sit here alone and let me be. I need quite head space to sober up and stop being such


    a downer.


    ¡®It¡¯s something, what is it? Is it me? You worried I¡¯m going to be an asshole to you? Has somebody


    made you feel unwee? Have I?¡¯ He nudges me a little forcefully and I nce back to give him an


    irritated look, rubbing my arm where he touched me. He¡¯s hardly Mr Gentle at times and drunk I can


    see he¡¯s more aggressive than normal. I don¡¯t think he means to be, he is just a naturally heavy-


    handed person that is oblivious to his own strength. It just exasperates me and all his pushing is doing


    is making me feel overwhelmed like I might cry and pathetically I blurt it at him.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know how to do this.¡¯ Ites out feebly, like a small broken child. I sound so weak and hate


    myself for letting him hear my vulnerability over my own dumb inadequacy.


    I drop my eyes and go back to looking out the window, feeling stupid and ashamed, shame flushing


    from my toes and heating my face. Mortified that I¡¯m admitting this to him.


    ¡®Do what? Get smashed in the air and let your hair down? Forget to hate me for five minutes? Enjoy


    time in mypany?¡¯ He sounds exasperated with me and I just sigh harder. He has no concept of


    what I even mean.


    Why would he? Even he can fit in with normal social scenarios.


    ¡®No.¡¯ I don¡¯t want to juste out and say, ¡®act like a normal human in a normal social setting and just


    be normal.¡¯ How do you tell someone like him that you never had to be involved with people when you


    weren¡¯t angling for some reason or goal? That being in a family or friends setting just makes you feel


    incredibly small and invisible, because no one taught you or showed you how to behave. No one loved


    you or cared about you. That you spent your whole life by yourself, or with abusers, and nice people


    stayed well away from you in case you infected them with your worthlessness. I never had value to


    anyone, let alone him ¡­ now he wants me to blend in and act like I belong with this group of semi-


    strangers and find something meaningful within myself to share with them. There¡¯s nothing like that


    inside of me. Even I know that.


    ¡®Then what?¡¯ Alexi is starting to lose his temper, and I am aware that maybe I¡¯m embarrassing him in


    front of them by not being the social bee he thought I would. By being weirdly quiet and a loner when


    they are all getting drunk and merry, and being so touchy-feely and family like with one another. He


    assumed I would be Cami the hostess and peruse and charm my night away like a pro. He doesn¡¯t


    understand that all of that is a lie, an act, a mask I wear. It¡¯s my job to be that way and I have to


    constantly work at it.


    I can¡¯t rx and just be like the others here. They are doing it naturally.


    I mean, right now Alessandra is sitting on Gino¡¯sp and Jackson¡¯s wife is leaning over the seat in front


    of them to chat about God knows what, both smiling. Mico¡¯s sitting draped across two seats like a kid


    with Mandy¡¯s hand in his, stretched across to her; Doe-eyed and talking to one each other and Gino at


    the same time, all smiles and happy faces. The others are all lounging in a little group as they all


    intermingle and chat as a whole. It¡¯s effortless andfortable. They gel, they get on, and they know


    one another inside out.


    I¡¯m the ck sheep in a ne full of white horses.


    ¡®Look, I¡¯m sorry if I am showing you up in front of them, you should have left me in the city,¡¯ I snap back


    at him quietly, trying to keep my voice hushed so they don¡¯t hear us, and Alexi just sighs at me, tapping


    his thumb on the table. I can tell he is getting increasingly agitated at myck of ying nice. He¡¯s not


    famed for his patience or empathy.


    ¡®Is that what you think this is? I¡¯m annoyed because you¡¯re sitting quiet and not blending in?¡¯ He lowers


    his tone to a growl to match the volume of mine, trying not to draw attention either as those noisy


    passengers further down erupt intoughter at something that¡¯s been said.


    ¡®You¡¯re pissed because I¡¯m an embarrassment who doesn¡¯t know how to act like a normal person when


    surrounded by people who don¡¯t want anything from me.¡¯ I blurt it out tearfully, sadness getting the


    better of me and my voice trembles. Alexi just narrows his eyes at me. Scanning my face for signs of a


    lie probably, then he just looks like he always does ¡­ slightly psycho in a very unemotional way.


    That¡¯s always reliable anyway.


    ¡®Don¡¯t assume you know what I¡¯m thinking when ites to you.¡¯ Ites out like a warning and it just


    pisses me off. How he can turn sentences into veiled threats without any actual threat in them, and just


    knows how to irritate the shit out of me with a tone and a look that tells you fuck all. It¡¯s really bloody


    annoying, that shitty trait of his. Hiding everything he feels and thinks under a mask of robotic


    indifference and I actually loathe it with a god damn passion. I hate that it leaves you always guessing


    and never knowing anything truthful about what he actually wants!


    ¡®Why did you want me here?¡¯ I blurt out in exasperation at him. I can¡¯t figure out if he thinks I¡¯m his


    ything for the night or if his motives were purely just that he thought I might actually enjoy myself.


    Which I highly doubt! He had to have known I wouldn¡¯t just fit in with his family and their women, and I


    am still no closer to reading him and the things he does.


    ¡®I wanted you toe. Believe it or not, I like yourpany, for the most part.¡¯ He looks away sulkily,


    furrowed brow, eyes gaining stormy dark hues and that edge to his tone; Always a fucking dig in his


    words that takes what he says and makes it something else entirely. This is what he does. Says


    something almost nice and yet in a way that makes it clear he doesn¡¯t mean it or is just messing with


    you, or putting you down.


    ¡®Sure ¡­ Is that why you spent so much time and energy trying to kick me out of your lifest time


    around?¡¯ I snap in response, still holding on to ounces of hurt and resentment for all that has gone on


    before. I knew drinking was a bad idea and my mess of emotions and old grudges are now starting to


    spew out from that little box I swore to leave it all tightly packed away in. Temper churning when fuelled


    by bitterness.


    Alexi res at me. That deathly anger of a madman and shakes his head as though I have no right to


    say that.


    ¡®Let it go. I had my reasons and you¡¯re here now, aren¡¯t you?¡¯ He looks away as though dismissing me


    for something minor and I lose my temperpletely. Blood and rage bubbling up like an overfilled pot


    on a burner.


    ¡®No!! I have a right to be pissed and hurt for how you treated me. You think because you gave me my


    job back and treat me marginally better this time that I should just fall at your feet again? Please ¡­


    exin what your reasons were, as this is news to me!¡¯ I spit, voices still drowned out by his loud family


    but I¡¯m not keeping quiet anymore. I cannot contain this.


    ¡®I¡¯m not doing this here. Drink your champagne and leave it alone.¡¯ Alexi mps down on me through


    gritted teeth, that I assume is meant to hush me before they hear us.


    Always caring about what everyone else sees and thinks of him.


    ¡®Good old Mr Carrero. Don¡¯t defy, question or cause conflict, right? Do as he says, shut up and look


    pretty. Don¡¯t question him in front of anyone! What will you do if I don¡¯t, huh? Bodily throw me off your


    ne?¡¯


    I have no clue how I went from sombre to spitting teeth and trying to goad him into a fight, but I have all


    this pent-up anger in me that alcohol is stirring up and it has nowhere else to go except at him. He


    caused it and now it¡¯s bubbling away inside of me like a little cauldron of hissing rage.


    ¡®Fuck¡¯s sake, Cam. What do want from me? An apology? An exnation? What will it change? The


    past is the past and I brought you back, didn¡¯t I? I cannot undo what I did but it doesn¡¯t mean I don¡¯t


    regret it. Sorry is just a word ¡­ One I have said to you already!¡¯ It¡¯s an effort to pipe me down with


    hushed angry words but it has the opposite effect.


    I have never in my life been as raging mad at a single human being as I am right now. The pig-headed


    attitude of this man and his refusal to back down and admit he did anything wrong makes me want to


    smother him with his own jacket. Sorry may just be a fucking word but it happens to mean a lot when


    someone has royally screwed you up and treated you like shit. He has never actually told me, not once,


    that he was sorry in a meaningful way for what he did with any real kind of remorse. He has only


    thrown it at me to get me to obey him and I don¡¯t for a second believe it was genuine. Any time!


    ¡®You are fucking unbelievable!¡¯ I m my palm on the table and get up, forcefully pushing past him out


    of the seat to get out and sit anywhere but with him, and jump when he grabs me by my hips and hauls


    me onto hisp aggressively so I fall harshly.


    Ind ungracefully in a sitting position against him, held taught with his vice-like grip on me, side on


    and unable to move as he restrains my arms to my sides with a force that silences me. My breathing


    laboured and heart thudding inside my ribcage as every part of me rises to outrage like a volcano.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry. I was wrong. I pushed you away. Is that what you need to hear? You want the word; you can


    have it ¡­ Sorry. Sorry. SORRY! Does it make you feel better, hate me any less? Magically undo the


    shit that went on before?¡¯ It¡¯s delivered in that even husky tone ofplete pissed off Carrero. He


    could be reciting a fucking shopping list for all I care.


    I wriggle my arms free angrily, body ignited with hot rage and shove myself away from his chest,


    abhorring his touch, and struggle to get loose, but he only yanks me closer.


    ¡®You have a lot to learn about apologies,¡¯ I spit in his face, ring, hating him with every fibre in my


    body.


    Alexi, however, goes into that dead calm control he is an expert at and despite holding me tight, so I


    can barely move, he seems effortlessly still. It¡¯s that danger tone that used to pull me to heel.


    ¡®You¡¯re not the only fucked up person who has issues you know! It was never just about you. You think


    you understand it, Cam? You think you know what I felt, why I did what I did? ¡­ I had reasons!¡¯


    We¡¯re nose to nose, angry and sizzling, a voltage between us that could probably short out the ne,


    so much anger and hatred and venom pouring out. Unlike every other time, it does not quieten me into


    submission but fuels my temper


    ¡®What is that supposed to mean? You treat me like shit because you¡¯ve had a crappy life? Yeah, I can


    see how being born rich in a family who gives a shit about you would screw you up and make you this


    way. Arsehole! Or wait, some sob story about being misunderstood and shunned by Mummy, is that the


    excuse? She didn¡¯t love you enough so you took it out on a woman who actually did!¡¯ This time I


    manage to yank myself free with a violent jerk and shove him hard in the upper chest, no longer caring


    about drawing attention. Stupefied with the words I just threw at him and yet I don¡¯t care anymore.


    I told him I loved him, he knew I did. What does it matter, confirming it!


    Alexi lets me loose with unveiled anger on his face, and something else. If I didn¡¯t know better I would


    call it hurt. I fall out of his embrace and onto my feet, pulling myself away from him quickly by clinging


    to another seat.


    I scramble upright and walk down the aisle trying to act as unaffected as I can, smoothing down my


    clothes, and taking slow even breaths to reel it all back in. I head on two rows to the first seat that faces


    forward and turn my back on him; Sulking upset and furious. So much bubbling inside of me that I


    cannot contain. My whole body is tingling from toes to scalp with irritated goosebumps.


    No one has looked this way, none the wiser to our spat and now I really do just want to go home and


    be done with this. I am on the verge of aplete emotional breakdown, fighting myself over stupid


    tears and wishing I never agreed to this at all. My chest is so heavy and achy I feel I might be having a


    heart attack.


    I wondered when his mind games and head mess would start, and should have known any olive


    branch to something out of business always leads to this¡ªAlexi trying to fuck me up for his own


    amusement. He always turns me into a raving loony. I don¡¯t get why he has to do this to me every time!


    I jump when he slides in beside me and honestly justugh, sarcastically, bitterly; at the nerve of him.


    He¡¯s an eternal dog with a bone and if he thinks he can push me to insanity again, he has another thing


    coming.


    ¡®Leave me alone!¡¯ I semi yell it at him, but the noisy crowd is onto singing and drowns me out with a


    chorus of Oasis¡¯ Wonderwall, someone is ying on an iPhone.


    Drunk people!This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.

 Chapter 108

    Chapter 108


    ¡®I wish I could; you have no idea.¡¯ Alexi slumps back into his seat and just stares at the ceiling for a


    moment, deted and almost exhausted. His brimming prick has subsided and he seems a hell of a lot


    less aggressive so quickly. I know it¡¯s an act and I don¡¯t buy anything he says.


    ¡®So, it¡¯s my fault now is it? ¡­ Some weird pull to make my life an endless misery?¡¯ Iugh sardonically,


    enraged at such a stupid statement.


    Fucking prick.


    Alexi looks across at the people climbing over seats to get closer together and the merry atmosphere


    and sighs again. His whole demeanour has lost that intimidation and he just seems like he did when we


    arrived, only not so happy anymore.


    ¡®You have no clue, London. Can we stop fighting and just forget this shit until tomorrow? I brought you


    here to have fun, not a battle, not drama and you upset. I brought you because I am trying to treat you


    how you deserve to be treated. I am TRYING to make you feel like I want you in my life, even if you


    don¡¯t see it. I don¡¯t do words ¡­ I act. I show, not tell. I¡¯m not the best when ites to talking, about


    anything ¡­ but I¡¯m trying, Cam. ¡¯


    He turns back to me and itpletely shuts me up, all my feelings falling into a heavy pit into my shoes


    as his words render me speechless. He¡¯s looking at me, and for a moment a flicker of something is


    there. A look at me that makes my heart flip over, a look so simr to how Gino looked at Alessandra, a


    small speck of something warm, longing looks, and then BAM ¡­ it¡¯s gone and there¡¯s nothing once


    more. No anger, no emotion, just a nk look that tells me he¡¯s closed up back inside his head but his


    words seemed genuine.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    My rage fizzles a little but I¡¯m not that dumb to let my guard down. With him, it will always be up. He


    lies, it¡¯s second nature and I know it.


    Pondering the meaning, too emotionally distraught to think about this right now, and aware this isn¡¯t the


    best ce for an all-out screaming match, I let it go. He is Alexi after all, and we have an audience. I


    wouldn¡¯t put it past him to gag me, tie me up and stuff me in the overhead locker for the rest of this trip.


    I nce past him at his family and relent.


    ¡®You have a funny way of showing it then! Fine ¡­ Truce. Not that I believe you, but because I cannot


    be bothered with this anymore and you are giving me a headache and killing my buzz.¡¯ Now I am the


    one sulking and being childish and when Alexi leans out and drags two sses from the table across


    the aisle toe back with, I take one with a re. epting the drink but letting him know he still


    pisses me off and this isn¡¯t over. I can¡¯t ever trust him. A temporary lull in our war means nothing. I


    need time to regroup ande back stronger.


    He clinks his ss against the top of mine and throws me a weird look.


    ¡®To us!¡¯ He says drily, sarcastically and I just eyeroll dramatically. Getting my crazy under control and


    finding Cami¡¯s cold sass instead.


    ¡®Match made in hell; Just fucking perfect.¡¯


    I down my drink in one and push the empty ss on the table in front of me briskly, turning to stare out


    of the window instead of at him, and he falls silent beside me and lets out a subtle heavy sigh.


    The rest of the ne ride is short and silent between us. We stay seated together, but I stare out the


    window and act like I am engrossed in watching the nothing in the darkness and just watch aimlessly


    for city lights. Alexi stays with me, quietly listening to his family and asionally joining in across the


    aisle to chat without really returning to the party¡ªan uneasy vibe between us.


    I don¡¯t care. I wish he would move and leave me be, but he seems oblivious to what I want. We are


    close tonding anyway so it isn¡¯t that much longer before we do, and Alexi seems introverted and


    sulky, no longer in the mood to join the fun in any real way. I guess our row has killed his mood but I


    have no remorse over what he started.


    He¡¯s still a shit head.


    I just feel numb and tired and have no will to get merry anymore.


    When we depart quickly from the ne everyone is shuttled in a bus to a nearby five-star hotel they all


    seem very familiar with and left to get ready. Much to my shock, considering how well I know him, Alexi


    has booked me my own room next to his, but not connected by internal doors. He ushers me there,


    carrying my bag for me in our weird moody silence, and then deposits me without any fuss; Handing


    me my key card as he wanders to his own without a second nce. No smile, no verbal, nothing. Just


    directed, deposited and deserted.


    I guess he is still in the mother of all moods ¡­ Sulking or something.


    I don¡¯t spend much time pondering that but get showered as quickly as I can, knowing we are heading


    right back out and not lingering in our rooms. It doesn¡¯t take me long to get morous, seeing as speed


    prepping is a skill I acquired over the years. I mean, when you are paid by the hour and want to get out


    as soon as your client pays you for his fuck, you get your ass ready in a heartbeat and leg it before he


    expects extras. A lot of men get buyer¡¯s remorse once the money leaves their hands and no longer


    agree they should pay for sex.


    As soon as I am ready I wander out to the hall to see if Alexi is out here yet and catch him leaving his


    room too, his eyes running over my short sparkly number and high strappy shoes with more than an


    appreciative nce. He doesn¡¯t seem as frosty now and my own mood is marginally lifted from the


    process of doing my hair and makeup. It¡¯s always been a calming pastime that I enjoyed. Turning in


    jane into supermodel. It makes me feel better.


    It¡¯s obvious he likes what he sees and that t expression warms a little around the edges. I feel a


    million dors in this outfit and I am hoping it puts the glitter back in my tight emotions. I haven¡¯t found a


    reason to be happy about being here yet and the little frown still lingering on his face just adds to that


    sense of foreboding. Both of us brewing I guess.


    ¡®You look stunning. Silver is nice on you.¡¯ Alexi surprises me by breaking the cold silence between us


    with apliment and I blink at him a little suspiciously. His furrowed brow smooths out as he scans


    theplete glittery number that moulds to my body, and he hits me with a dimpled smile instead¡ª A


    subtle one¡ªIt has an odd effect on my nerves.


    ¡®Thanks. You paid for it.¡¯ I add in response drily, eyeing him up in his all ck getup; shirt, casual


    trousers and expensive matt leather shoes. His leather jacket is back on and shades nestled in his hair


    even though it¡¯ste evening and hardly sunny. It¡¯s darker than dark out there already.


    I can grudgingly acknowledge he does look hot, as per usual, and yet he is still pissing me off by just


    breathing. Even if he¡¯s back to ying nice and applying the charm thickly, I cannot just move on the


    way he seems to.


    ¡®Still pissed, huh?¡¯ He walks towards me and casually holds out an arm for me to take, as though


    chivalry is a normal act for him, but I just pull my silver leather clutch bag closer and shrug him away


    with a re.


    ¡®I¡¯m not pissed. I¡¯m nothing ¡­ Let¡¯s go.¡¯ I answer haughtily, refusing to give in to his arsey self and


    lifting that defiant little chin of mine in a show of ¡®couldn¡¯t care less¡¯. I walk off first, leaving him standing


    as I head for the bank of lifts and Alexi follows obediently; surprisingly, but I don¡¯t stop to examine his


    compliance. I just want to get to our destination and let go with loud music, dark lighting and lots of


    people. There¡¯s no pressure for chit-chat in a nightclub and I might be able to lose him for a while to go


    dance by myself if I am lucky. I always loved to dance my night away.


    ¡®You know? ¡­ You are hard work sometimes.¡¯ It¡¯s a slightly humorousment, given in a light tone


    but I spin on him harshly.


    ¡®Says you? Oh, my God, you are the most infuriating, mind-fucking person I have ever met in my life,


    and you have the nerve to say I am hard work? How ironic!¡¯ I snap at him and get madder when it¡¯s met


    with a grin instead of that normal Alexi fire and rage. He looks smugly cocky and just infuriatingly happy


    all of a sudden.


    ¡®Mind-fucking? Is that a thing?¡¯ He chuckles at me as though enamoured with how adorably cute I am


    being and tweaks my cheek yfully. I flinch at the surprise gesture, eyes popping with the non-Alexi


    manoeuvre and nch at the same time. It infuriates me and I p his hand away, no more amused


    with that than any of this conversation. I wonder if he has suffered a bang to that thick bloody skull of


    his which resulted in a personality transnt. I mean, when the hell did he start pinching people and


    acting like some goofy happy weirdo?


    ¡®Piss off, Alexi.¡¯ I have no other words. He is trying to goad me into whatever this is, and I am not


    ying ball. Alexi is all games and smiles and I am not taking part in his highly suspicious and


    unnerving behaviour.


    ¡®You know you are the only female I have ever known that is openly hostile towards me, no matter what


    I do? ¡­ Well, maybe my mother, but that¡¯s a different kind of passive-aggressive.¡¯ His tone is still light


    and breezy but I just frown hard and throw him an impatient look, checking my phone for the time and


    ramming it back into my bag in a wave of frustration.


    ¡®Why are you talking to me?¡¯ I throw my bag under my arm abruptly, tucking it in tight and visualising


    Alexi¡¯s head as I squish it under my armpit; More than a little annoyed that we are not progressing to


    the lift like I want. Regardless of being angry with him, I still need to wait on the tosser to escort me to


    our transport to the club. I have no clue where we are going and I don¡¯t want to sit here all night alone


    and bored like Billy no mates! I could have done that back home in the apartment and not wasted time


    and effort making myself look red carpet ready just to stare at a hotel room walls.


    ¡®That¡¯s what friends do ¡­ they talk to one another. It¡¯s supposed to be nice.¡¯ It¡¯s a slight eyebrow raise


    and another oddly happy smile and I just hit the sarcastic giggles. Ridiculous ¡®are you mad¡¯ sort of


    manicughter that makes me wonder about my own sanity. He¡¯s not amusing, he¡¯s deluded! He brings


    out the absolute worst in me sometimes.


    ¡®Are you serious right now? Friends? On what, Alexi?¡¯ I retort, hand on my hip as I scan him with


    a re that is meant to portray ¡®I think you¡¯re high right now¡¯. I¡¯m not impressed at all and just getting


    more fidgety and uptight every second we spend loitering here and not making progress.

 Chapter 109

    Chapter 109


    ¡®Well, what would you call us ¡­ if not friends?¡¯ His gaze narrows on me, smile fading and something


    more serious in its ce. Still not moving, like a tall stubborn mannequin and I relent with an


    exasperated sigh, knowing he has no intention of going again until he decides he¡¯s moving. Talking is


    on his agenda for some stupid reason.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know ¡­ business acquaintances. People coexisting for a mutual benefit, but certainly not


    friends! Friends like one another, Alexi!¡¯ I point out scathingly, using my bag to point at him and me as


    though to emphasise my statement, willing him mentally to just walk forward and get in the damn lift I


    can hear pinging away about twelve feet from us as they open.


    ¡®I like you, so ¡­?¡¯ He shrugs boyishly, expression solemn now and I know he¡¯s just trying to get to me.


    I know that¡¯s bullshit and now he is trying to just pull me into another little mind game.


    ¡®Like a sore head, right? Or like a bullet to the kneecap?¡¯ I ask sarcastically, turning and decide to go it


    alone. He can catch up or I will simply wait downstairs until pig-headed moves his arse. I am done with


    this weird chatter he has going on.


    ¡®I was going to say you are more like an itch I can¡¯t scratch. Sometimes though, it feels really good,


    because I am weird with stuff like that.¡¯ He smirks as hees level with me, finally keeping pace and


    this time I eyeroll. It¡¯s hard to stay furious or act indifferent when he startsing out with this


    nonsense. I wonder if he drank more while getting ready as he¡¯s merrier than I expected and


    completely on one. If this is him trying to be funny or endearing then it¡¯s not working.


    ¡®There¡¯s something wrong with you,¡¯ I point out, looming closer to the doors and press the button to call


    one to our floor once more. We only just missed two of them because of his infuriating stalling and God


    knows how long before the next. It¡¯s a massive hotel with twenty floors.


    Alexi stands back a bit, eyes still eating me up shamelessly and I do my best to ignore it. I¡¯m simmering


    between bad mood and not giving a shit, and if he could just stop antagonising me until we get there


    then I might actually loosen up a little.


    ¡®You¡¯re what¡¯s wrong with me, London ¡­ You just haven¡¯t figured that out yet.¡¯ Alexi moves closer to


    wait beside me properly, body heat enveloping me like always and that hated tingly effect he has on my


    nerve endings. I am starting to get used to the fact that my internal horn trigger is sensitive to whatever


    he exudes and learning to dismiss it a little easier ¡­


    Sometimes.


    I turn to look at him but am interrupted when the lift opens before us. I go to move quickly, relieved I


    have the excuse to move us apart, but he catches hold of my hand from behind in a soft grip, halting


    me, and I turn instantly, shocked by the touch.


    My heart jumps into my mouth and I lose all bravado when he¡¯s practically nose to nose with me in one


    easy step forward. The urge to shove him away is stalled by the sudden impact of those haunting eyes


    so very close to mine. Alexi is practically within kissing distance and I breathe in a heady mix of his


    scent and the aftershave he reserves for nights out. Thrown by this manoeuvre. He smells divine and it


    just annoys me all the more.


    My body does what I hate; goes limp and submissive when caught in his spell and every single sense


    hits high alert as a steady flow of goosebumps ripple across every surface of me.


    ¡®I think you might be mentally unstable and that¡¯s what¡¯s actually wrong with you.¡¯ It¡¯s more of a


    whisper, body reacting to his close proximity and my fire burning out so rapidly it leaves me breathless.


    ¡®Maybe you just make me crazy.¡¯ He utters it so softly I feel the breath of his words against my lips and


    realise how close we have gotten ¡­ Heads angling closer, almost mesmerizingly so.


    I clear my throat and move away from him, suddenly conscious of theck of air between us, shaking


    his hand from mine and pulling it up to cradle on my chest out of his reach. Aware that he¡¯s in predator


    mode and this is a seduction move that I almost just let myself be swept into. I should have known this


    would happen along the way, I just didn¡¯t expect it so soon.


    ¡®Feeling¡¯s mutual, now back off before I knee you in the balls. I told you this was never happening, so


    fuck off. I mean it!¡¯ I push him hard in the chest and get a smug smirk as he steps back unwillingly.


    Finally, space again. I brush myself off and inhale to remove the traces of his effects over me. Rattled


    and body on sexual high alert in the worst possible ways. Sensitive to everything around me now.


    ¡®How do you do it?¡¯ Alexi asks. A random thing to say and I blink at him in surprise, halting my visual


    shaking him off. Itching to just get in the damn lift but he¡¯s driving me crazy with this.


    ¡®Do what?¡¯ I blink at him, infuriated and ready to drag his arse in there as he stands his ground, eyes on


    me again, boring intensely into mine. They are back to the almost colourless hue he has most of the


    time; Rimmed with the darkest grey border that sometimes gives them the look of a wolf or a husky.


    Weird for a human but it only ever added to his appeal. Alexi has eyes that look like they belong on a


    vampire or a soulless being.


    ¡®You never give up!¡¯


    It¡¯s not a sarcastic or condescending statement, but I know it has to be some sort of jab at me on some


    level, even if he sounds soft and strange. I would say in awe, but I know that¡¯s wrong and it¡¯s just Alexi


    being a mind-fuck.


    ¡®Okaaay, you are clearly drunk and being odd. Alexi, sober up or I am going back to my room and you


    can go dance solo. You¡¯re weirding me out with this shit and I¡¯m over it already.¡¯ I throw my hands on


    my hips and he sighs heavily.


    ¡®I¡¯m not drunk ¡­ I¡¯m just ¡­ Never mind. Come on, they¡¯re all waiting downstairs to meet up.¡¯ He finally


    relents; obviously guessing this is getting him nowhere and starts moving.


    ¡®I¡¯m noting if you¡¯re going to act like a freak with me all night!¡¯ I make a point of standing my


    ground this time but Alexi is having none of it, he walks by swinging an arm around my waist snugly


    and forcefully walks me with him so that I yelp at the handsy move. A step closer to our lift and now I


    am the one who doesn¡¯t want to go in.


    ¡®I¡¯m going to be a gentleman all night and prove to you that I can be a decent guy,¡¯ He grates out


    stubbornly in a less than gentlemanly tone.


    ¡®Yet you say those words while manhandling me, when I clearly told you that touching me was a no-


    no!!¡¯ I push myself out of his embrace but don¡¯t get far when he catches my wrist and continues to drag


    me inside the small enclosed space. He turns on me with a grin that has all dimples and shing charm


    on show.


    ¡®Yeah, sue me. I said decent, I didn¡¯t say perfect.¡¯


    We walk towards our very morous billionaire hangout that¡¯s known for celebrities and crazily rich


    people, after we get off the same posh shuttle bus that chauffeured us to the hotel.


    He may like to be anonymous on his night off but choosing a rich folk, high-profile hangout is rather


    ironic. I get that maybe it¡¯s because security in these ces is high, as we are all patted and scanned


    on arrival for concealed weapons when we get to the main entrance and all the red ropes blocking


    entry. I catch him watching me¡ªwatching the guard¡¯s hands more specifically, as he runs the wand


    over my ¡®boobage¡¯ area slower than the rest of me with intensely focused eyes on my cleavage. Alexi


    snarls with an apanied growl when the man lingers too long, and then gently pushes me forward


    ahead of him as though to tell the guy enough is enough. It¡¯s not aggression at me, but the death re


    honed on the security is very hostile as the goon seems to swallow hard, rather than question the fact I


    am being moved out of his way.


    I get waved by awkwardly and wait patiently for my angry escort. He literally res the guard down into


    a liquid mess in his own shoes as he skims over him far quicker than anyone else in line. I guess when


    a pair of pale greys is locked on your face withser precision at close proximity, and pretty much


    bearing into your skull for daring to touch his toy, you move on as fast as you can. He still intimidates


    people far too easily. I guess it¡¯s that aura of psychotic sociopath he always has circling around him.


    ¡®Rx ¡­ Forgetting yourself for one night, remember?¡¯ I nudge him as he is let loose, still throwing the


    guard serious shade, and yank him with me by the jacket sleeve stubbornly. My own mood is back to


    light and breezy after the bus over here. Everyone in high spirits and even Alexi seemed mellow, until


    now that is. I guess it finally rubbed off on me and I can forgive and forget for a few hours while


    enjoying myself. I¡¯d rather try and have fun than spend the night being the atmosphere killer.


    Alexi follows andys a hand on the small of my back possessively to guide me in front of him, still


    simmering at that idiot security, but we catch sight of the ones ahead of us who already got through and


    catch up with our party quickly.


    Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Despite thinking he is an arse I still came with him, so I¡¯m going to y nice and stay close. For all he


    is, he keeps me safe wherever we go and other men at bay, and I need that from him right now. It¡¯s


    nice to have someone else have your back and relieve you from always having to be on full alert.


    I aim to get drunk; try and have a good time, seeing as we are here now, and then go home to never


    ept this kind of offer from him again. It¡¯s tooplicated between us and it just leaves room for a


    whole lot of misunderstanding.


    * * *


    The night is going far better than expected and despite the no touching rule, I don¡¯t mind Alexi being


    handsy in the way he¡¯s been all night. It¡¯s not sexual or intrusive, just keeping me close, guiding me


    when we move and pulling me onto hisp when there are no other seats around for me to sit on. So I


    don¡¯t end up like a third wheel outside of the group, or easily essible for the hordes of overly touchy


    men in this club. He¡¯s looking after me in his obsessively protective way.


    I can¡¯t fault it when it¡¯s the first night of my life I have been able to truly rx and just be myself in a fun


    setting.


    Sitting in hisp is an odd experience. I mean, it is Alexi after all, and beingfortable in such an


    intimate way is not normal for us. The first couple of times he did it I sat stiff and awkward, very aware


    of the warmth of his body under me and how close this made us, and his hands remained loose at his


    sides. It was as though he somehow wanted to show he wouldn¡¯t touch me.


    He hasn¡¯t said as much, but then he¡¯s not much of a talker. With him, it¡¯s always actions over words.


    I have to really fight myself on how he makes me feel when we have bodily contact, and I am not going


    to lie ¡­ Alexi has me hornier than hell now I am alcohol powered once more. He¡¯s all manly muscle


    and good looks and oozes sex appeal, especially when he¡¯s cradling me this way. He feels nice when


    he touches me, smells even better, and I swear he couldn¡¯t have any more testosterone if he tried. I


    maybe have had moments of drunken drooling and been flirtier than is safe. My knickers may self-


    combust if this keeps up.


    Alexi, weirdly enough, has been the perfect gentleman. He¡¯s not even openly flirting and hasn¡¯t given


    me any reason to feel like he¡¯s moving in on me.


    That has thrown me a lot, confused me more and only heightened suspicion. I have been second


    guessing him all night and I can¡¯t stop staring at him when he¡¯s lost in conversation and oblivious to my


    looks. Trying to figure him out and climb into that closed offplicated brain of his.


    By the tipsy fourth and fifth time I am happily draping a free arm around his neck as he keeps one


    around my waist, he seems more at ease with it too; Chatting to his brother or cousins while I am


    nestled against him. It¡¯s bing almost normal¡ªrxed.


    Alexi feels strangely safe andforting like this; Holding me close, no sense of danger or foreboding


    that he used to instil in me, and giving other men here a very clear stay away sign, that offers me


    protection. I don¡¯t get any hints that he will try and push this to be anything else either, but then I


    shouldn¡¯t let my guard down.


    I have to keep reminding myself over and over ¡­ This is Alexi Carrero. The one and only.


    I am loosening up though, touching him too, when maybe I shouldn¡¯t encourage it. I keep impulsively


    falling onto hisp when returning from dancing or sitting beside him and leaning into him with his arm


    around the back of my chair as booze takes effect. I know I¡¯m going to regret being so cosy with this


    devil, but I am trying to do what he said and forget who we are for one night. No grudges, no masks, no


    rules. Just enjoy being free and happy for once.


    Something that is so very rare for me. Yet here I am, smiling and giggling and genuinely having a pretty


    amazing time, with him of all people; some unwritten truce tonight.

 Chapter 110

    Chapter 110


    ¡®Don¡¯t you agree, London?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice breaks into my thoughts as I slide in beside him in on my


    return from the bathroom; A small space between him and Alessandra, who is facially glued to Gino as


    they have themselves a passionate make-out session. Her arse bumps into me as I squeeze against


    Alexi a little more, sliding my arm in his, so I can lean closer and nestle in against him with my temple


    on his shoulder. I¡¯m starting to wane with booze consumption and sore feet from way too much dance


    floor shenanigans. I¡¯m getting tired as the night moves into the early hours. It has to be after 2 a.m. for


    sure.


    ¡®Agree with what?¡¯ I flutter myshes up at him adoringly from my position and he automatically


    smooths a hair from across my face as he gazes back down at me. A slight gentle touch that causes a


    million tingles to erupt from my skin and insides, insides somersaulting and letting loose my cage of


    butterflies, and I try to push it aside. He¡¯s been this way all night and I should put it down to copious


    amounts of vodka loosening him up. He¡¯s been drinking them like water.


    I know I¡¯m being overly touchy too as alcohol takes away inhibitions, and I am trying to police myself.


    It¡¯s hard to remember how much I hate him when he has made meugh all night, kept me cared for,


    plied me with endless drinks and given me an abnormally huge amount of time and attention even


    though we are surrounded by his kinfolk.


    Maybe he does like me after all.


    Maybe a mafia king can change a little bit?


    ¡®The club is starting to shape up. That bringing you back was the best thing for it.¡¯ He smiles softly,


    those eyes of his are darker and hazy tonight and I almost melt into them so effortlessly when


    apanied by dimples.


    Stop it, Cami! Shake yourself and sober up.


    ¡®Hmmmmmmm.¡¯ I smilezily, not really wanting to get into the details or a frame of mind to unearth the


    ¡®why¡¯ to my leaving the club. I am in too good a mood to go back to being pissed at him for that.


    ¡®You don¡¯t agree?¡¯ Mico slides in with a grin, across from us on another seat, and I catch his eyes


    scanning our cosy position with an odd twinkle. He¡¯s drunk too and casually leaning back with an arm


    around Mandy, who looks asleep to be honest. Her face tucked into his chest and her hair is fanned


    over it. She was downing shots like they were going out of fashion earlier, so maybe she has passed


    out and he¡¯s taking care of her. Seeing them like this solidifies how cute they are together. They sort of


    fit somehow, and it only highlights that I care about him in apletely tonic way, as I feel so much


    warmth seeing them curled up cosily.


    ¡®I¡¯ll agree when I wipe all traces of Hoe-anne out of my d¨¦cor and the running of things. Can we not talk


    about the club please, for one night?¡¯ I answer a touch harshly and Alexi moves beside me. He slides


    his arm out of mine and instead drapes it around my shoulder loosely and pulls me in for a squeeze. I


    have to adjust my bum nearer to be able to sit up rather than be pulled over.


    ¡®My girl¡¯s sensitive.¡¯ He grins at Mico and earns himself an elbow jab from me. I¡¯m getting irate with the


    direction of this now; it¡¯s an area I wanted to forget for one night.


    ¡®Is she? Might be nice to meet her sometime. Is she here?¡¯ I look up haughtily as I sit more stiffly and


    upright, deadpan expression andplete seriousness to my tone. Alexi frowns down at me, wounded


    expression, and Mico bursts outughing.


    ¡®That¡¯s you told.¡¯ Mico interjects with augh that gets a foot swipe from Alexi at his legs.


    ¡®She wouldn¡¯t be her if she didn¡¯t have a sassyeback and hints of Alexi hate ¡­ I think it¡¯s


    mellowing though!¡¯ Alexies back to gaze at me and I just shake my head at him with a sigh.


    ¡®I think it¡¯s ingrained for an eternity,¡¯ I reply with a shrug and weirdly Alexi just smiles at me softly.


    ¡®We¡¯ll see.¡¯


    The answer is soft and for my ears only and has the effect of a tidal wave of goosebumps and heart


    flutters which I push aside. I just raise a brow sarcastically as though brushing it off and focus on


    drinking my ¡®sex on the beach¡¯ without a real answer. Alexi is being overly nice, so I am going to just


    ignore it.


    To everyone else we must look like we are together, properly, although theck of make-out sessions


    and groping some of his family are doing around us should be a huge neon sign. Alexi isn¡¯t shy about


    grinding up on his current date and here we are acting like first daters from a Christian school. It¡¯s very


    na?ve and innocent on the surface.


    Although I may have visualised screwing him relentlessly more than once tonight when he didn¡¯t catch


    me eye raping him from head to toe. It sucks knowing what that is like¡ªwhat he feels like and how


    good sex with us was when he wasn¡¯t being aplete psychotic bastard.


    I am going to have to give ¡®BOB¡¯ the work out of all sex sessionster at the hotel. Thank fuck I packed


    him in my bag in the off chance I may get an urge or two from being tipsy around a sexy Carrero or ten.


    I¡¯m not going to lie and say I would never like to do it again ¡­ he works, we worked. It¡¯s just not worth


    the fall out and the damage he inflicts on me emotionally.


    I swear alcohol has a lot to answer for, but at least it¡¯s not making me miserable and emotional tonight.


    Somehow with him being this way, I feel more stable and chirpier than I maybe should. I should


    probably be more on guard, more self-aware and keeping an active distance.


    It seems he is the one being sensible instead.


    He¡¯s kept his hands in ces that aren¡¯t a huge deal to me, hips, hands, shoulder or small of my back.


    In fact, I get the feeling he is making a conscious effort to not touch me anywhere inappropriate that


    might make me ufortable, although I am trying not to dissect it. He¡¯s not made any attempt to hold


    me captive when I wanted to dance or stray away with one of the women, even when I went to the bar


    with Mico. He seems rxed, carefree and very drunk.


    Very non-controlling psycho.


    He seems far removed from the Alexi Carrero I met a year ago. The two are worlds apart tonight, and I


    am truly starting to warm and rx in hispany. I can admit, just not to him, I am having a good time


    with him watching over me.


    His cousins and such are a weing group of people, dance like mad and party like pros. I have


    been swept into the fold and my legs are aching with being dragged up over and over again by the


    women around me until most of them are now chilling by their men or passed out like Mandy. I haven¡¯t


    laughed as much in years, if ever, because they all have a quick and wicked sense of humour, and their


    constant stories and family tales are hrious. I feel like they are genuinely nice people and it makes


    his connection in all this even stranger. Two sides to thatplex man.


    It¡¯s a weird feeling to be part of the crowd and included. Alessandra specifically keeps pulling me with


    her and twice has dragged me to thedies¡¯ room to touch up our makeup and gossip about the


    random hopeless outfits we have witnessed. Money does not always buy taste, and we have pointed


    out someplete garish dresses on odd women. I like the girl. We have this whole drunk


    camaraderie going on and she is easy to be around. Although she is now arse bumping me


    horrendously as her and Gino get very turned on and handsy, and I think it¡¯s pretty close to some booth


    sex the way they are going at it¡ªclearly hot for one another. I just wish I wasn¡¯t stuck between her and


    Alexi, but his brother hasn¡¯t strayed far from him all night.


    Gino and Alexi when in the same crowd naturally draw to one another, and I have noticed Alexi is


    always on the right side no matter what. When they walk, sit or chat. They rarely separate, even when


    Mico gets in the fold, and they huddle in that way to chat. Gino and Alexi are always a pair no matter


    what groups they all split off into. Not as in glued side by side but as in always just together. A sign the


    bond is really still there, two halves of one cell. It¡¯s something I have watched for hours now and


    completely intrigued.


    They drink the same drinks, they sit the same, they look andugh the same, and they even get drunk


    in the same way. It¡¯s spooky as hell.


    ¡®Dance with me!¡¯ Alexi nudges my leg with his to bring my attention back to him and holds a hand out


    with that cute boy soft smile of his. He looks unimposing and just endearing. I ept willingly, seeing


    as I have danced with him off and on all night, he¡¯s actually pretty good at it. I have no more regrets


    abouting. I have seen a whole new side to him that¡¯s more human and less bastard for once.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I wonder if it willst beyond tonight.


    Competent mover, confident with it, and I¡¯m aware of all the nces and smiles surrounding women


    give him when he gets up with me to guide me to the clearing on the floor amid the movers and


    shakers. He always attracts a lot of female appreciation and it¡¯s not just because he is a good-looking


    man. He¡¯s tall, stands like a dominant, oozes alpha male and walks with an aura of self-confidence that


    practically has them throwing their knickers at him.


    I don¡¯t me them. I had the same physical response to him when I firstid eyes on him too. He is


    something anyway, even if his dark soul and cruel mind are a part of that. Not that tonight supports it.


    The human version he¡¯s being has me feeling all out of whack around him and it¡¯s wholly disconcerting.


    It¡¯s easy to forget how much I dislike him when he¡¯s been on the charm offensive all night; Smiles,


    smooth mood, weirdly nice andpletely not Alexi.


    He takes my hand in his, warm skin,cing his fingers through mine snugly in a hold more befitting


    Mico and Mandy than us and leads the way to the floor. I can¡¯t help the little warm flutters his touch still


    gives me, but I push it down and try to ignore it. Along with the breathless light-headed feeling I am


    getting with too many cocktails.


    I¡¯m drunk, much more prone to fragile emotional outbursts, pointless thoughts and silly reactions, so I


    am trying to keep my mind on chirpy and fun and not ponder anything beyond that. Even hand holding.


    I need to ignore my inner SHE, heated and squirming sensually as it takes a tight grip on myher


    regions. I can go back to hating him when we get home, but right now I¡¯m enjoying the person he¡¯s


    pretending to be and trying not to mentally meltdown over it.


    If he was like this from day one then maybe I would have liked him a whole lot more. Well I fell for him,


    but I never actually liked him, which is stupid I know. I don¡¯t even understand it myself. I guess there


    were always parts that called to my deepest parts in the depth of his levels¡ªhis protective side, his


    possessive never share me with anyone side. Maybe even sometimes that pushy, controlling bastard


    who made me feel like I mattered in some way, even when he was verbally telling me I didn¡¯t. He gave


    me something that my soul craved¡ªa ce to call home, self-worth in his empire and safety; the


    possibility of love. Even if at the same time he was destroying me in other ways ¡­ and finally taking it


    all away.


    Also, I can never forget the man who held me close and made love to me after Santagato¡¯s man tried


    to take me. Whoever he was that night¡ªthat is the Alexi I fell hard for, and I am seeing glimpses of him


    again in his behaviour tonight. I¡¯m aware it¡¯s probably why I am feeling so woozy and strange.


    He is so much like Gino in his mood and personality like this and I can see they are more alike than I


    used to think. This side of him is reserved for family I guess and his once every two years night off. I


    assume this is why he doesn¡¯t get raging drunk very often. Softens all his hard edges and he loses that


    sinister cloak of evil.


    The music changes when we get to the floor, from the intense house beat that has everyone bouncing


    around to a much slower smooth jam that is pushing couples to start swaying towards one another, and


    I back up to get back off the floor; Apprehensive with the slow smoother tune that is made to make-out


    too. Alexi doesn¡¯t though, he slides his arm around my waist snugly and pulls me in against him, so we


    end up torso to torso and I only have his shoulders to nt my hands on. It¡¯s either that or I¡¯ll look like a


    weird iling idiot. Breathless and shocked with the sudden manoeuvre when faced with his body


    pressed to mine.


    ¡®What are you doing?¡¯ I yell in his ear over the loud music, not sure where in the no touching rules I


    would put this little move. His groin is most definitely pressed into my pelvis and my boobs are only


    getting breathing space because my arms are between us, bent to keep my palms on his shoulders.


    He¡¯s all around me very evasively and I start to feel suffocated with a very low and foreboding sense of


    panic.


    ¡®Dancing,¡¯ he answers back, leaning in so his mouth is against my ear, breathing down onto my neck


    and naked corbone and igniting millions of internal eruptions. Like tiny fireworks in my stomach. He


    sways with me as he gets a little cosier in how he¡¯s holding me. One arm around my waist, keeping me


    pinned to him solidly and the other slides up to tten between my shoulder des, so my face is


    against his cheek as he leans down. Completely wrapped up in his hold and unable to move or escape


    it. Not a part of me is saved from touching him, even his feet are separated so one is between mine


    and my knees are on either side of his leg. It just feels a whole lot of dangerous and going too far,


    compared to sitting on hisp. This is a step over the line.


    ¡®Alexi ¡­¡¯ I try to put some space between us, feeling instantly ufortable with how intimate this is. I


    agreed to dance not cuddle up to a love song, and I don¡¯t trust my body to just be okay to dance and


    then go sit down like this is nothing. I can literally feel every single part of him against me and my nerve


    endings are sparking with the sensation¡ªBreathless, more light-headed and so out of my depth as my


    lady parts stir warmly and little shes of twisting heat move up inside of me so my vajayjay throbs and


    tingles. I know that sexual craving well, and he ignites it effortlessly. Stomach tightening with it.


    It¡¯s the first time since I left him that I feelpletely under his control, and even my heart is struggling


    to stay afloat of the swirling emotions and longings wrapping me up in desire.


    I hate him, but he¡¯s still someone who can turn me to mush, he¡¯s still gorgeous and strong and sexually


    appealing ¡­ Even if he is a wanker.


    I try to push against his chest to get free, but he only pulls me back and wraps me more snugly within


    his body and arms and I have to fight myself not to give in, close my eyes and enjoy how good this


    feels. It¡¯s not good, on any level. It¡¯s Alexi moving in for the kill, fucking with my mind and luring me


    down the path of impending destruction. My brain is screaming at me to reverse, turn and run like a bat


    out of hell, every part of me stiffening up in response to my nerves and fear jumping to high voltage.


    ¡®Rx ¡­ Being other people tonight, remember?¡¯ He scoops one of my hands in his, by releasing the


    one between my shoulder des, and holds it like we are going to waltz, tilting me back so suddenly


    that I yelp, startled. He pulls me back up fast and does a cute littlembada move against me, grinding


    pelvis to pelvis a ¡®dirty dancing¡¯ with a weird face pout that¡¯s so wrong on him. Despite myself, and


    the instant selfbustion with his crotch hitting me in a very good ce that almost buckles my


    knees, I start giggling at him. Ridiculous has never been his forte and the sudden injection of humour


    kills all my crazy rambling thoughts and quietens my doubts.


    He pulls another crazy face, equally silly, and shimmies against me like Patrick Swayze, only badly. No


    coordination on purpose. The face makes me break. He just looks so serious, yet not. Completely


    hrious and I burst into a proper light-heartedugh. Alexi smiles too, all dimples, white teeth and


    smooth eyebrows and a soft deep chuckle escapes him, I feel it rumble through his strong chest.


    Rxing, he loosens his overly tight embrace on me and I let my free hand slide around his shoulders


    as he dances me around in aical tango. Definitely not serious in any way, pulling squeals of


    laughter from me as we bump into nearby couples, who re our way as though we are troublesome,


    bothersome kids. He spins me under his arm before trying a risky lift, picking me up and tipping me so


    far back my boobs almost leave my dress.

 Chapter 111

    Chapter 111


    ¡®Alexi!¡¯ I squeal in hysterics, holding onto my assets and wriggling like crazy as he rights me on my feet.


    He just effortlessly pulls me back to him, like I¡¯m a weightless rag doll and yanks me back to our


    couples dance position. I can barely breathe betweenughing and trying to catch my breath from


    being tossed around. Eyes streaming from the sudden fun of him and dress pulled half around me in


    the most awkward way, that¡¯s almost obscene. I try to right myself as we return to calm and gentle


    swaying once more, buzzing from enjoying his yfulness.


    I like this Alexi; he¡¯s someone I could spend time with.


    ¡®This better?¡¯ He jokes in my ear, yanking my dress for me so it straightens out, and I just shake my


    head at him inplete indulgence. He¡¯s lightening the awkwardness of tender moments by adding


    comedy and losing all serious Alexi with it. I hate to admit it ¡­ he looks adorable when he¡¯s being


    foolish and carefree.


    ¡®You¡¯re so weird.¡¯ I giggle at him, getting another grin in return. Eyes on me intensely that seems to


    burn a little too deeply into my mood.


    ¡®Takes one to know one, London,¡¯ he winks cheekily, and then I give off another yelp as Alexi spins me


    under his arm again and pulls me back with extra force so we collide ungracefully. This time though I¡¯m


    nose to nose, and he slides both arms around my waist so I¡¯m pulled up tight, heels leaving the floor


    with his sudden capturing of me, unable to breathe with his face right in mine so instantly, as we are


    now almost equal in height.


    His eyese to rest on mine and it feels like everything else in the room just fades out to a blur, he¡¯s


    all I can see; Music numbing out, so I be overly aware of his voice without shouting anymore. My


    already fast pulse rate ups to dizzying levels and that faint dreamy head gets decidedly light as all I


    zone in on is everything that is him. His aftershave encircling me like a seductive fog.


    ¡®You¡¯re so beautiful ¡­ I don¡¯t think I ever told you that. You are, you know? I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever known


    a woman whopares to you in any way.¡¯ I hear him loud and clear over the music and my hearts


    starts hammering through my chest as panic returns some of my sense. Walking onto the red zone, my


    rms start screaming on high alert through my brain painfully. Getting dangerously close to him is not


    ever going to happen again and I put my hands up to separate us¡ªswearing internally that I should


    have seen thising¡ªevery single one of my senses is wide awake and instantly sober.


    He lowers me to my feet slowly, nose brushing mine softly, my breath halts in my lungs and it feels like


    everything just goes deathly silent. That power he has over me knocking me mute for a moment. Alexi


    moves in before I can get my head to stop spinning, breathing to calm down and regte. In a


    millisecond, as I¡¯m trying to find the strength to peel us apart, his mouth grazes mine so softly, almost


    like a breath has skimmed my skin delicately, erupting in the most heart fluttering sensations as he


    leans in for an inevitable kiss.


    There is a pause for a second, as though time stops and everything freezes around me. My mind, soul


    and body fall about five hundred feet in a blink and I jump into extreme panic mode.


    ¡®Alexi, don¡¯t!¡¯ I snap, pushing him away hard as my entire bodily organs jump out through my chest


    cavity. Physically, it¡¯s a harsh shove that I didn¡¯t think I had in me and it separates us effectively,


    shocking him with my aggressive reaction.


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    He looks hurt, eyebrows dive bombing and jaw tightening along with his whole posture. Eyes zing in


    the darkness, instantly wounded little boy that makes my insides stammer with confusion, staring at me


    as we stand a foot apart, still surrounded by dancing women and men oblivious to us. No one is


    noticing what¡¯s going on and it¡¯s obviously not apparent my body is self-imploding right now. My head¡¯s


    buzzing with a million thoughts and feelings, breathing hard and raging all at the same time.


    ¡®What do I have to do, Cam?¡¯ It¡¯s such a random weird thing to say, and he soundspletely alien.


    Voice low and dare I say it, emotional. Which can¡¯t be¡ªIt¡¯s ALEXI!!


    His eyes are on me as though trying to pick apart my brain and then those brows lower further to that


    angry look I know and despise so much. Losing all hints of who he was minutes ago, and that sadistic


    face appears so unweingly. It just ignites the rage that lives down in the depths of my soul,


    scrambling inf rom the shocked chaos of my internal battlefield to save the day.


    ¡®What are you talking about?¡¯ I throw at him usingly, confused by him, and he looks away; that jaw


    tightening so much I see muscles protrude, and I can visibly see his mood plummeting to the depths of


    hell in a nanosecond. Familiar is on show and getting stronger by the second, should I ever doubt the


    true face of King Carrero.


    So much for being softer tonight?


    Just because I won¡¯t let him kiss me?


    He hasn¡¯t changed one fucking bit.


    He¡¯s a controlling, arsey, moody fuck bucket of a man, taking a tantrum because he doesn¡¯t get to call


    the shots when ites to me. I should have known his reaction to my refusal would be like this. I


    know him, and I stupidly forgot that for one fucking night.


    ¡®Really? You have no fucking clue? I swear to God ¡­¡¯ He rages at me, all snarly and the wolfish devil


    making an almightye back. His body poised and stiff, and he, much like me, looks as though he is


    about to go ten rounds in a boxing ring. Except, he¡¯s obviously a lot scarier than I am¡ªBack to war,


    back to familiar territory between us.


    ¡®NO, I don¡¯t! Stop being vague and fucking spit it out!¡¯ I yell at him over the music, inplete


    frustration. Anger getting the better of me too. Not caring if people nearby have stopped dancing to


    watch what they assume is a domestic. They can all piss off.


    ¡®It¡¯s nothing¡ªJust forget it!¡¯ He retorts, throwing a hand through his hair in agitation, turns on his heel


    and walks off in a strop without looking back. He leaves me standing on the dance floor and I just gawp


    after him inplete shock. Head reeling from what just went down in the space of three minutes and


    yet furious that he just stormed off like a childish little brat.


    All because I said No?


    He makes my blood utterly boil with the nerve of the arrogant pig-headed idiot.


    ¡®Screw you. You fucking pig wank, shit head of a cunting fuck bucket!¡¯ I scream after him incoherently


    and storm in the opposite direction, head high and teeth gritted so fiercely I may break a crown. I¡¯m not


    chasing him; I don¡¯t care if he¡¯s being a juvenile idiot. I am fucking seething mad! Blood boiling in my


    veins and skin itching with a furious energy.


    I told him when I agreed toe back that this wasn¡¯t happening. He and I ¡­ no touching ¡­ no sex.


    No going down that path where he uses it as a weapon to control me, and I will be damned if he starts


    raging at me for upholding it. He agreed. He signed a bloody written contract that had it in the small


    print; just like I asked.


    How fucking dare he!


    I storm through the club, avoiding the route back to our group and head for thedies¡¯ room instead. I


    need to cool down and calm my anger before I go back and sit with them, as I don¡¯t want to be


    answering questions about my obvious snarling rage. I can barely keep myself under control, let alone


    hide it.


    Alexi has wound me up to high-heaven and I want so badly to punch something right about now ¡­


    Preferably his face. My insides are simmering so that I¡¯m irate and annoyed with every single person


    who gets it my way as I shove and push my route to a quiet spot aggressively.


    I don¡¯t care if he starts looking for me, I need head space, and Alexi needs to give meplete alone


    time. I¡¯m pissed off, drunk and swaying around on overly high heels with venom coursing through me


    that could melt his fucking face off. I hate that whenever I feel like I am softening towards him in any


    tiny way he throws a spanner in the works and screws it all up. He just knows how to flip my own


    psycho switch so effortlessly, and sometimes I wish I had the god damn strength to drag him into a


    room, tie him to a cross and then beat him about the head with his own bloody gun. He¡¯s an arsehole of


    epic fucking proportions.


    I was just starting to think this business thing could work if he just kept it tonic, and bam, a kiss.


    What the fuck?


    He¡¯s drunk, yes, but it makes no difference. He didn¡¯t want mest time, he made me crazier than hell


    and destroyed me to the point I tried to shoot myself. Why does he think I would ever entertain that


    again?


    Idiot!


    I stalk into the women¡¯s bathroom and eyeroll at the massive queue to the cubicles, mood plummeting


    more. I can¡¯t even get close to a sink let alone a mirror and turn on my heel to find somewhere else to


    mope instead. Anger and upset merging into one and I can feel that dangerous wave of tears moving


    up from my stomach to my throat, threatening to engulf me. I am useless when drunk, and now I know


    the inevitable ising. Tears and tantrums and woe is me, and this couldn¡¯t have happened in the


    worst possible ce¡ªHundreds of miles from home. I¡¯m stuck with him until I get back there.


    Damn you, Alexi!


    Pushing through crowds of expensively dressed clubbers once more, even more agitated that people


    keep getting in my way when I¡¯m in no mood for it, until I find a sign for an outside smoking area and


    force my way through to get to it. I feel drained, losing my warm glowing buzz from alcohol as I get into


    the cool evening air and rx a little as it hits my naked arms and shoulders in my short strappy dress.


    Miami is a hell of a lot warmer with more humidity than New York, and even though I¡¯m in a very short


    and low backed dress, I don¡¯t feel cold at all. I feel relieved to have air and space and some quiet from


    the thump, thump, thump of the club. It¡¯s a distant noise out here.


    I went for subtle sexy, short cowl neck dress in silver sparkles with a dropped back to just above my


    arse, leaving nothing much to the imagination for once. I wanted to show off, be seductive and m


    and show all my assets in one go. I wonder if deep down I was deliberately trying to entice him and


    punish him a little from afar. He never reacted to my shows of legs, cleavage or such before. Maybe I


    deliberately dressed this way to get a rise out of him, and look how it backfired. Games and Alexi never


    bode well.


    Now I¡¯m out here though, with the gentle breeze blowing into the open back of my dress, it¡¯s making


    me feel exposed. Loss of my angry escort and I am suddenly a pathetic vulnerable half naked girl.


    What the fuck is wrong with me?


    I move to stand in a space out in the roofed area, near the fence which acts as a blockade for people


    trying to get in the club this way, and gaze out onto the shoreline in the far distance. This club is


    practically beachfront in a very pricey part of Miami. Alexi knows how to pick venues anyway, and I


    guess this is a hint that Carreros, even those on security detail wages, are pretty loaded. None of them


    blinked an eye abouting here and I have seen them all paying for their own drinks all night. I guess


    all Carreros are rich, even the lower levelled henchmen.


    Must be nice toe from money.


    I have never been to Miami before, so this should have been an exciting new adventure instead of


    standing out here hating on that arsehole yet again.


    He knows just how to make me crazy.


    ¡®You got a light?¡¯ A surprise male voice precedes a tap on my shoulder and startled, I turn to see a man


    in his mid-thirties smiling at me, while standing a little too close forfort. An average Joe with blonde


    hair and blue eyes, but he¡¯s dressed in head to toe Versace, so I assume another rich patron of the


    club. It¡¯s full of them. I have zero interest.


    ¡®Sorry no. I don¡¯t smoke.¡¯ I smile politely, cool toned and turn back to gazing at the view, but he doesn¡¯t


    seem to be having it. Missing my fuck off and leave me alone vibespletely.


    ¡®Beautiful night isn¡¯t it?¡¯ He interjects, pushing his cigarette into the top pocket of his jacket, and moves


    to stand beside me instead. I just sigh with the intrusion, hating that no matter what I do, men always


    feel like it¡¯s their right to bother me. Temper is already simmering like a volcano about to have an all-out


    eruption, and now I have to deal with ae-on.


    FUCK MEN!


    ¡®Yeah, gorgeous. I better get back to my boyfriend.¡¯ I answer with apletely t tone, making it


    obvious I have no desire to converse, and avoid all eye contact with him. I turn to move hoping the age-


    old boyfriend statement will get rid of him, but he follows me annoyingly.


    ¡®I¡¯ll walk you back in, I have to go find matches at the bar.¡¯ He smiles overly friendly, and even though


    it¡¯s obvious he¡¯s harmless enough it still pisses me off that he insists on trying. I get this all the time


    from males. Thinking subtle NO means try harder. I can see me having to tell him to push off a little


    more directly if he doesn¡¯t.


    He has that air of gentleman regardless, so I doubt he will try physically; Just more of an irritation when


    I need to be left in peace. He just seems a bit dim and I walk faster to get back into the building first so


    that I can walk off and leave him behind. I intend to lose him and then go somewhere else to sulk and


    get some brain space to expel my rage at tosser Carrero.


    Coming into the dark hall that led out here I don¡¯t see a little lump in the carpeted floor where the seam


    meets the rubber mat of the entranceway and trip over it clumsily, crashing to my knees dramatically


    and painfully. Yelping in shock as pain shudders through my shins like an electric volt when I collide


    with the hard floor under very thin carpet.


    The guy is fast behind me, almost stumbling drunkenly into the back of me with my abrupt stop and


    slides hands around under my arms to pull me to my feet. Not wee in any way but there¡¯s not a lot


    I can do about it. Triggered by a male behind me and touching me in any way from back there.


    ¡®Oopsy ¡­ That looked sore, you okay?¡¯ He slurs merrily as he helps me up awkwardly in a pretty shit


    attempt and almost sends me falling again. Uncoordinated hands everywhere and I try to push him off


    me without drawing attention to the fact his touch is making me cringe, internally recoiling in ingrained


    fear. I get back on my heels, being held onto a little too tightly as I try to disengage him still, but he


    starts wiping down my knees on my behalf to remove the dust and debris from the floor.

 Chapter 112

    Chapter 112


    ¡®Honestly, I can do it, I¡¯m fine. It didn¡¯t hurt.¡¯ I turn towards him to dislodge his arm from around me,


    agitated with his efforts, patting him on the chest to let me go with a smile through gritted teeth. He


    leans back up, so we are nose to nose and that¡¯s thest thing I see of his face.


    Like a sh out of nowhere someone tugs me out of his arm, so that I stumble backwards into a wall


    and lose my bnce momentarily. Head spinning with the suddenness of it and the ck form that


    literally dive bombs him with such force it takes him flying back against the hall wall so fast I cannot


    really focus on what¡¯s happening right away.


    It takes me a moment to realise what the hell is going on, as Alexi pins him by the throat to the inner


    hall wall and starts pummelling a fist into the guy¡¯s face. He¡¯s all over him like a fierce animal, wildly


    unleashed, punching, holding him up and lifting a knee to the man¡¯s abdomen with sessive thrusts


    as he ils any attempts to defend himself. Alexi is too fast and too strong and the man¡¯s nose


    explodes across his face, covering him in blood.


    Alexi has his back to me so I cannot even see his expression, although I know him and the sadistic


    unemotional trance he went into that night with Santagato¡¯s man is what I am expecting he is in now¡ª


    Fighting form on show, trained killer. He fights like a machine.


    ¡®Alexi, stop it.¡¯ Hysteriaes from nowhere, bubbling out of me with waves of sheer anxiety, and I


    launch myself at him impulsively. I grab onto Alexi¡¯s arm to pull him back, but he just physically shakes


    me off as though I¡¯m nothing more than a light breeze, while continuing his torrent of hate onto the


    man¡¯s now lifeless body. At this angle I can see him side on. He lookspletely deranged, eyes so


    dark they are almost all pupils and focused intently on annihtion of his victim. It sends a cold icy fear


    through my veins gripping my stomach tightly. It¡¯s like the lights are on but none is home.


    I try again, hauling at the back of his shirt this time as I try to get behind him, pulling and yanking with


    all my might and pping his shoulders to stop the assault, but he¡¯s relentless. It¡¯s like I¡¯m not even


    touching him.


    ¡®He didn¡¯t do anything!¡¯ I scream at the back of him again, pulling and pulling, but he shoves me back


    with his body aggressively, to shake me off and I get a fright with the unexpected action. I fall over my


    own shoes, which are ridiculously high, as I crash to the floor and sprain my ankle at the same time. I


    land in an ungraceful heap and even that doesn¡¯t get him to stop and see if I am okay; Although, I


    wouldn¡¯t ever expect him to.


    He¡¯s never cared about hurting me before or seeing me helpless on the floor.


    I try and mber to my feet, wincing at the ache in my ankle; and then with utter relief, I catch sight of


    Mico and Gino as they both jump over me and fly in to control their enraged boss. Mico hooking him


    from behind swiftly, under Alexi¡¯s arms and Gino slides between him and his victim to forcefully push


    him back while grabbing him around the back of the head and pushes their foreheads together. I am


    guessing this is a tag team, age-old method of controlling his rage as they all move back five feet and


    contain the tornado. It¡¯s so effortlessly done it¡¯s almost like a fluid dance. I exhale with a huge sigh of


    relief, tears running down my cheeks that seem to havee out of nowhere, and my body starts


    trembling like crazy, with fear, shock and adrenaline.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®Enough, enough ¡­ It¡¯s me, Lex ¡­ It¡¯s me.¡¯ Gino is in his face, soothing with words and even though


    Alexi tries to throw them off at first, he seems to calm instantly. Blinking back to reality as the red mist


    lifts and he sees his brother in his face. His body seems to lose its rigidity, and both men look visibly


    relieved that the cyclone is not putting up more of a fight. All of them seem to sag in synchronised


    movement.


    The guy, now slumped on the floor, makes an awful gargling sound with his throat that shudders


    through me andys motionless on the floor a few feet from me. He looks like he has been run over by


    abine harvester. So much blood and mess all over his face and I feel instantly nauseous at the


    sight of it.


    Tears are still pouring down my face, more than before as I crawl to my knees and get up shakily,


    putting weight on my ankle and find it¡¯s not as bad as it first seemed. It aches but I can walk. My focus


    is more honed in on the men than the injury.


    Gino keeps a hold of Alexi tightly; obviously unconvinced he is truly calm, while Mico slides from behind


    and goes to check the guy¡¯s pulse, ring at his cousin as he scans the mess of his face.


    ¡®What the fuck were you thinking, Lex?¡¯ Mico scolds and bends to pull the man into a sitting position


    and leans in to listen to his chest. I can¡¯t look. It¡¯s horrible and stomach churning to look at the pulp left


    where a face used to be and I wonder at a human that can do so much damage, fuelled only by anger


    and with his bare fists. Alexi is insane.


    I think I am in shock, standing trembling and watching them numbly as all emotion and chaos starts to


    subside into a deep well of dark inside of me, something churning and bubbling together when sudden


    fury hits me hard¡ªAlmost like an afterthought. Without hesitation, just pure reaction, I fly at Alexi,


    shoving Gino aside like a crazy bitch and start hitting him in the shoulder with a bunched fist as hard


    and high as I can muster.


    ¡®He didn¡¯t do anything! He didn¡¯t do a fucking thing!¡¯ I screech at him furiously, blinded by tears and so


    overwrought with anger that I don¡¯t care if he reacts to my assault. I want him to hit me. I have so much


    venom inside of me right now it would be the cherry on the cake. Hit me, so I can stab him with my


    shoe and be done with him forever.


    Alexi shoves me back angrily halting my blows, ring at me furiously but I won¡¯t back down. I fly right


    back at him, pping at his chest and hating him with everything I have in me. All that pent-up anger,


    hurt, heartbreak I harbour, and grudge for the past weeksing together in one overly emotional blow


    out and aim all my loathing I have for this man in hitting him.


    ¡®You¡¯re aplete fucking psycho ¡­ Jealous fucking arsehole! This man did nothing to me!!¡¯


    Gino intervenes, pushing his arm between us to hold me back while Alexi bustles up to m back at


    me a second time, icy re and body poised to fight once more, but I do not give a shit. No fear, no


    intimidation at his stance or res. I want to tear his god damn head off. I am not scared of him


    anymore!


    ¡®Didn¡¯t look like that from where I was standing!¡¯ Alexi roars at me, craning over his brother¡¯s arm as he


    leans in at me and I aim a p at his face.


    ¡®Then you¡¯re a fucking moron ¡­ who¡¯s fucking blind!¡¯ I snap right at him, teeth clenched.


    Gino¡¯s faster, catches my wrists and pulls me away, trying to be referee between us, but I resort to feet


    instead, struggling to get free and aim any kick I can at him. I am determined to wound him in any


    physical way I can.


    ¡®I tripped, he picked me up you fucking psychopath. That didn¡¯t warrant beating him to death! You¡¯re


    completely unhinged, you know that?¡¯ I scream at him through tears and rage and Alexi doesn¡¯t even


    flinch when one connects with his thigh.


    ¡®Bullshit. Knocked me back and found yourself another mug to fleece right? Flirting all night and then


    took great delight in a knock back. Once a whore always a whore! I should have known it was all an


    act.¡¯ He spits it at me venomously. Rage and hatred thick between us once more, and I forget


    everything nice I might have thought about him tonight. It was all fake. He has a cheek using me of


    acting.


    There he is, that sadistic bastard prick I fucking hate. I knew it was too good to be true that he was


    being docile and reasonable these past weeks.


    All of it was the game I thought it was, and he has just confirmed it. Alexi isn¡¯t anything like he pretends


    to be, this is the real face of that utter arsehole. He cannot hide his true self for long¡ªDevil fucking


    incarnate.


    This time Gino isn¡¯t fast enough and I p Alexi in the face hard. Palm stinging with the shooting,


    burning pain as the noise echoes like a thwack in the unusual quiet out here. He doesn¡¯t even react,


    even though it had to have hurt him as much as it did me. He just res harder.


    ¡®Go fuck yourself. I fucking hate you.¡¯ I bite cruelly.


    ¡®Feeling¡¯s mutual, baby cakes; can¡¯t believe I ever thought it could be any different between us.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s


    sadistic tone, full on icy and nasty and it¡¯s like a wee friend. I know where I stand with this man,


    this arsehole, this cold, evil and cruel piece of shit who would as soon shoot me in the face as look at


    me. It¡¯s nice to know right here is some real honesty between us.


    ¡®Bite me! You¡¯re never going to change.¡¯ It¡¯s equally cold and direct and theck of emotion in my voice


    gives me a little of my pride back. I can do him nowadays it seems¡ªlearning from the master himself.


    ¡®Enough!¡¯ Gino is pushing us apart and this time Alexi shoves his arms away aggressively and turns


    away from me with that inhuman indifference I havee to expect.


    ¡®Keep her ¡­ She¡¯s nothing to me. I¡¯m done with this bullshit and her.¡¯ He pushes both of us to one side


    with an easy sweep, expelling some of his aggression, and storms down the hallway back to the exit.


    Jackson and his other cousin Marcus walk in, both turning behind him and follow him straight back out


    obediently silent. A flurry of men and then he is gone.


    ¡®Jesus Fucking Christ!¡¯ Mico, a man of few words, gets up and pulls out his phone. I almost forgot he


    was here for a moment and just let my eyesnd on him as everything topples in on me. I start trying to


    get free to leave too but Gino keeps a grip on me, turning to grab me around the shoulder.


    ¡®Go block the door; I need to get this shit cleaned up. Take her out to the car; she¡¯s leaving and so is


    he.¡¯ Mico barks at Gino bossily, and he obeys, pulling me with him despite my fighting and wriggling to


    get free and half drags me towards the door ungracefully.


    ¡®Don¡¯t fight me. We have major damage control to do and you need to shut up and behave.¡¯ Gino snaps


    at me, sounding strangely like his brother in this second and I pipe down immediately. Senseing


    back that something major just went down here, and we could all be in a lot of trouble. It¡¯s as sobering


    as a bucket of ice being thrown over me, and I fall mute and submissive in an instant. The realisation


    that this is serious and now we could all be up shit creek if this man is dead. I would be an essory to


    murder, not just a witness. I mean, I am here as they talk about cleaning it up!


    Holy shit!


    I stay silent and start allowing him to move me.


    As we get outside he hands me over to Jackson, who is still standing here, into his warm weing


    grasp. It looks like he was standing watch. I get the strong vibe I should y ball as I don¡¯t want to


    be someone who goes from ¡®valued¡¯ to ¡®on the disposal list¡¯. That thought alone sends my


    stomach into a skittish mess of lurches and flips.


    ¡®I¡¯ll stay here, call the car and get her in it. You need to wait for us getting Alexi out of here.¡¯ Gino says


    to him gruffly. Fatigue hits me hard as reality drives home and I start to shake again, head unravelling


    now I am being passed about like a fragile piece of china.


    ¡®Okay. I¡¯ll take care of Miss Cami, don¡¯t you worry.¡¯ Jackson nods and takes a proper two-handed


    hold of me, manhandling me with him and ushers me along a side hall that cuts through a part of the


    club to the cloakrooms instead of going via the main floor.

 Chapter 113

    Chapter 113


    It all happens so fast, it¡¯s like a blur.


    Getting deposited in a car by Jackson while all around me bes surreal and dreamlike. I feel


    weirdly numb overall but there¡¯s a simmering energy inside of me that has me on edge, overly aware


    andpletely strung out. Snappy with the man ushering me in here and I wrench myself out of his


    grip and throw myself into a window seat childishly, carrying my shoes.


    The bus is a small transport that seats twelve people. Long and low with pairs offortable leather


    seats on each side of the aisle and tinted windows. Like the limousine of buses. The driver looks hired,


    so I know to be hush-hush about what went down and I sulk like a child, crossing my arms over my


    chest and stare out into the dark street, tapping my bare feet against the leg as my heels nestle in my


    lap where I just dropped them.


    Alexi shows up minutes after me looking devoid of any sort of regret, and like an automatic trigger for


    my wrath, my temper bubbles over instantly. Just the sight of him is enough.


    I throw my shoes at him, aiming for the shit head¡¯s face as he enters and hope I at least take out an


    eye. It would be nothingpared to what he did to that man back there and he bloody deserves it.


    He just ps them away with a filthy re aimed at me and carries on as though I am a mere


    annoyance in his day. The devil lurking in those sinister cold eyes and that stiff deadpan persona on full


    show. I hate him with a passion so strong I can almost taste it.


    Jackson is still sitting with me and pulls me to sit back in my seat when I lift up to take a flying attack at


    the man once more. Pinning me down expertly yet gently, and I obediently do so realising this is going


    to get me either knocked out, or left in Miami.


    Even I know my impulsive anger is out of control and I watch him with loathing, holding myself in my


    seat with all my might as he crosses to a seat facing me and slides down. Alexi just scowls my way


    once he is settled, eyes locked in silent battle for a glimmer of a second before he puts his head back


    on the headrest and stares at the ceiling instead. Breaking our connection and fazing me out. I swear


    he starts to count; counting down the seconds until he erupts and orchestrates my demise, no doubt.


    Watch him try. I will use anything to hand to stab that fucker in the eye.


    Violent prick.


    I can¡¯t calm down and when we whizz to the hotel it only takes minutes before we are in the lobby. Mico


    shows up from God knows where to get in the lift with us as we make our way through the quiet


    entryway¡ªRelieving Jackson of babysitting duties. He was acting as a blockade between two people


    who are doing their best to pretend the other is invisible; the air thick with static and tension between


    us.


    He seems relieved to be let loose and throws me a warm smile as he moves to let Mico get between us


    instead. Mico is in boss mode and has Alexi¡¯s normal air ofmand. Alexi, however, is staring at the


    floor, distant and disconnected, and hasn¡¯t said one word in the whole time since he got in the bus. Not


    even an apology, or one utterance or acknowledgement of how wrong it was.


    He hasn¡¯t looked my way since he sat down either. That vibe of closed up, emotionally dead psycho is


    around him like a thick fog and it just fuels my inner temper. I¡¯m so sick of this side of him.


    ¡®Go back to the club ¡­ make sure everyone thinks these two have just gone back to the hotel together


    ¡­ say nothing in front of the girls.¡¯ Hemands Jackson¡¯s way; he nods like an obedient puppy dog


    and takes off quickly. Mico ushers me, more so than Alexi, into the lift. Alexi just follows behind us, and


    yet I am overly aware of his constant heavy presence like a big dark cloud thundering over me. I¡¯m still


    seething inside with this bubbling pot of rage at him for what he did tonight.


    I cannot stop the image sliding into my brain of that man and all that blood¡ªStomach swirling with


    nausea and anxious despair. That infernal noise he made while trying to breathe will haunt me for a


    lifetime and I have no clue if he is still breathing anymore. How the hell they will clean this up is beyond


    me.


    Mico shoves me a little harshly to the corner once inside, obviously expecting some kind ofsh out


    when we are in confined quarters again. He seems annoyed, even if it¡¯s hidden under an air of


    authority, and stands between us lifting a finger to silence me impulsively when I open my mouth ¡­


    ring the lord of stone¡¯s way.


    ¡®Don¡¯t!¡¯ He warns me sternly, eyes narrowed under a very unimpressed frown, and I mp my mouth


    shut before he turns to Alexi with a darker look.


    ¡®And you! ¡­ What the fuck, Lex? You need to get your shit together and your head out of your ass. If


    this situation is fucking you up this much that you make dumb mistakes, then you either act on it, or let


    it go. You¡¯re the head of the family and you are acting like a juvenile asshole. You¡¯re going to screw


    everything up that you have spent years building.¡¯ Mico is mad as hell¡ªvoice tight, body as stiff as his


    cousin¡¯s¡ªbringing my own simmering emotions to a weird sort of lull as more memories from the club


    start filtering through. I have been pushing them down the whole way over here, but now in the quiet of


    the hotel, and reality hitting hard, I cannot shake that man¡¯s face as he gets more invasive in my brain.


    It was horrible, non-recognisable as even a human head, let alone a face and Alexi has probably killed


    him. I think it¡¯s more than likely I just witnessed a second cold-blooded murder.


    ¡®What happened to him? The man at the club ¡­ is he ¡­?¡¯ I blurt it out tearfully, anger giving way to


    some sort of dyed shock and inevitable crying as soft tears well up and threaten to pour down my


    hot cheeks. Mico just res at me and sends little flickers of fear into my stomach.


    ¡®It¡¯s being taken care of, he will be fine. Forget about it.¡¯ There¡¯s more Alexi in his tone than the Mico I


    know, and it serves to remind me that they all have roles and masks in this world and I shouldn¡¯t forget


    that. Mico may be my friend, but he is and always will be a paid killer in the empire Alexi runs. I don¡¯t


    doubt that he has a soul as twisted and scattered with his evil doings as his cousin. He¡¯s not my Mico


    right now; he¡¯s a paid second inmand cleaning up the mess the Mafia King created. And he¡¯s not


    happy about it.


    Alexiughs under his breath, an eerie evil chuckle which draws my eyes to him by Mico¡¯s side,


    bringing a strange cloak to the air. My body hits a new type of awareness, riled by him and my skin


    prickles in reaction.


    ¡®The girl who doesn¡¯t care, huh? He was nothing to you ¡­ you said. Seems like it.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s sarcasm sets


    me off again, in a way only he can. So little but yet, I react in the extreme. That insta-flip of some inner


    crazy woman who has very little control and I fly to face him, pushing my body towards him in a show


    of hostility. Mico¡¯s arm blocks me from advancing further as he sticks it out.


    ¡®He did nothing, youplete fucking sociopath. He did absolutely fucking nothing. For once in my life,


    a guy bypassed groping me to help me stand up. He was a gentleman! Something you know nothing


    about! You killed a man for fucking helping me get up on my feet!¡¯ I spit venomously at him, straining to


    face him down over Mico¡¯s solid forearm, and he sneers back at me.


    ¡®Trust me, he¡¯s not dead. Yet! ¡­ You seem to have a high opinion of him, for just being a nobody, who


    did nothing.¡¯ He spits back childishly. The fierce in him peeking up and raw hatred mirrored in his


    expression. He turns towards me so we are once again eye to eye.


    ¡®What, you jealous? I have more respect and concern for the guy you beat half to death than the


    arsehole who won¡¯t stop trying to fucking control me? Gee, I wonder why that is?¡¯ I ooze sarcasm,


    laughing at him as though he is insane, and roll my eyes for effect.


    ¡®Control you? Giving you half my fucking club, the apartment, money and security? How is that trying to


    control you? If I wanted to do that I have tried and tested means of putting you back in your ce. You


    are so fucking self-absorbed and blind to the obvious. You¡¯re not worth the effort.¡¯ Alexi is yelling back


    and Mico is struggling to keep us apart with a hand on each of as we both try to get closer in our bitter


    snarling match ¡­ practically spitting venom.


    ¡®Stop it right now.¡¯ Mico is trying to control it, but there¡¯s just too much hatred in this tiny space; the air


    crackling around us. My body feels like it¡¯s on fire, heart pounding out of my rib cage, and everything in


    me straining to hold back my limbs as I ache to full-on attack him. He brings out such violent responses


    in me that I never knew I was capable of.


    ¡®Don¡¯t think I don¡¯t know the only reason you rolled over and gave in is because it was dying anyway.


    Losing money which I know you hate. I am under no illusion that my usefulness is all that keeps me on


    the sweet side. I¡¯m just a possession in your little treasure trove of toys. You¡¯re spitting out your dummy


    because this toy won¡¯t let you y and you think others are getting at her instead!¡¯ It¡¯sced with


    complete superiority to him. Full on sassy Cami and I throw him a disgusted look as I pull myself


    back and cross my arms petntly. A show of bitch and that I couldn¡¯t give a toss about him or his


    moods.


    ¡®Fuck this shit ¡­ I¡¯m damned if I do and damned if I don¡¯t. What¡¯s the point? There¡¯s no pleasing you! I


    try and I still get punished for it ¡­ Fuck you, Cam. I am so over this.¡¯ Alexi throws his hands up in


    frustration and ms a palm against the back wall aggressively, making me flinch. The tiny room


    echoes loudly and I swear I feel the tremble under my feet. Mico throws him another angry re, I


    guess a telling off and Alexi just throws it right back.


    ¡®What are you talking about, you narcissistic prick?¡¯ I am so sick of these vague statements he makes


    and even though I am engulfed in rage, I cannot back down when ites to him.


    ¡®Me? Narcissistic! ¡­ Ever looked in the fucking mirror, baby? I think you are the queen of narc! Ever


    the fucking victim when ites to me, right?¡¯ His tone matches the sarcasm in mine and his insult


    riles me back to fever pitch, yanking my arms out as I fly for him once more; a new wave ofplete


    internal moltenva spewing forth.


    ¡®You have a fucking nerve, calling me a narc. You have been a grade ¡®A¡¯ bastard since the first moment


    Iid eyes on you. You don¡¯t know how to be anything except a prick of epic proportions. You¡¯re such a


    fucking Wanker!!¡¯


    Mico is trying to pull me back, but I p his hands off me and shove him instead, not that it does much


    when he¡¯s built as solidly as Alexi. I just need to vent all this aggression somewhere. If he wasn¡¯t here I


    am pretty sure this would have alreadye to blows and Alexi is shifting from one foot to the other as


    though the feeling is mutual.


    ¡®You seemed to like me more when I was exactly that, so maybe it¡¯s how it should have stayed. Get out


    of my face Cam; I swear I am not against choking you. You want to test your little written out


    boundaries with me right now? ¡­ See if I can keep my hands off you for much longer?¡¯ The malice


    rings out the truth in the threat and I justugh at him bitterly. Alexi turns away from me and shakes his


    head, Mico yanking me back as the door opens, and even though I am poised ready to attack again, I


    get hauled out the opening door by the upper arm before I can. Mico is simmering but I think it¡¯s anger


    at the situation and our bickering and not one thing in particr. He¡¯s being unusually quiet and yet the


    aura of deathly intent is seeping from him into the air.


    I don¡¯t get a chance to start again, Alexi stalks off towards his door on the left first, no hanging about,


    and Mico drags me to mine and practically throws me in it when he gets it open. Handling me in more


    of an Alexi fashion than a Mico and it sobers me up at just how pissed off he must be to be acting like


    this.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®Get your shit together; jet¡¯s being wheeled to the runway as we speak. You two need to get out of


    Miami while I do damage control.¡¯ He practically snaps at me, hostility evident in his stilted movements


    and harsh tone. Mico is not being his usual demure solid self, but taking control and acting like his


    tosser cousin instead.


    I don¡¯t have much to pack seeing as I put everything in my bag before we headed to the club and just


    pull off my shoes, to throw them in and slide my ts back on. I chuck a jacket over my dress without


    looking his way and scan my room for makeup and toiletries. Mostly everything is already tidied up.


    ¡®You done?¡¯ Mico asks sharply, seeing me standing zipping up my holdall and I nod gently, trying to be


    as obedient and submissive as possible while he¡¯s this way. I don¡¯t like Mico mad and cold. He¡¯s never


    this way towards me and it¡¯s definitely brought me down a peg or two with my spiralling temper, very


    quickly now we are alone ¡­ without my catalyst to fuel my fire.


    ¡®Good, give it to me.¡¯ He stretches out a hand and with a gesture to hand the bag over, I do so. He


    takes it and pulls my room card out of the slot by the door to turn the lights off as we go. I follow him


    when we leave the room, him using the ess card to lock the door behind us.


    Alexi is in the hall before us carrying a holdall too, still dressed in the same clothes and jacket and now


    with shades on, even though it¡¯s dark. He doesn¡¯t look my way, just walks to lead and seems to take


    control of the problem at hand.


    ¡®I can take her home alone. You go back to the club and act like nothing happened. None of the girls


    need to know we went back, just tell them I couldn¡¯t keep my hands off her and we are holed up back


    here. When we don¡¯t show on the flight tomorrow, tell them we¡¯re staying an extra day. They will


    assume it¡¯s a romantic stop-over.¡¯


    The lies just effortlessly ooze out of him and I can see Mico nodding like this is normal. I snort in


    disbelief.


    ¡®Yeah, couldn¡¯t keep your hands to yourself.¡¯ I retort sarcastically and Alexi just stops, so I walk into the


    back of him with a minor painful thud, banging boobs and face on that rigid body, and he turns on me


    angrily.


    ¡®From now on, just shut up. I don¡¯t want to hear you. I don¡¯t even want to look at you right now. I might


    actually get to the point of throwing you off my ne if you don¡¯t!¡¯ he snaps it harshly, anger fuelling his


    pitch and I just snarl right back, lifting that defiant little chin of mine. I won¡¯t have this arsehole put me in


    my ce or make threats.


    Mico shoves him in the shoulder, both to tell him off for being a dick and to hurry him up, and I just


    stand my ground and fume. I know this is dumb because Alexi of old has no qualms about making me


    suffer in heinous ways, but I really no longer care.


    Alone with him on a flight for three hours means he can do anything at all he wants to me, but I still


    have no shits to give. I hate him so much at the moment that I don¡¯t think there is anything he could do


    to me that I would take lying down. He dares try to use any of his little weapons like he did before and I


    will be the one pushing him off his fucking ne.

 Chapter 114

    Chapter 114


    We get there eventually, another tense silent car ride where everyone pretends the others are invisible,


    and Mico just seems to be texting furiously, ignoring the brutal standoff between us. The air is heavy


    and dense with it and I try my best to act nonchnt and stop myself from letting anger get the better of


    me. I have no energy left for this and I just want to go home. I¡¯m deted, body aching from a night of


    dancing and intoxication and now I think I¡¯m suffering the trailing effects of shock.


    All I want to do is lie down on the ne and block him out until I get there and can go to bed to get the


    hell away from him. I¡¯m weary as the booze wears off and the night¡¯s events take over my shattered


    mind to traumatise me with visions of half mangled heads.


    Exhausted and waning. I don¡¯t want to fight anymore. I just feel all used up and suddenly emotionally


    fragile. Nerves frayed and on the verge of bawling my eyes out. I guess it¡¯s because I cannot shake


    that image out of my head, Alexi on a violent rampage that twists my stomach up in knots.


    I honestly do not know if he thought he was protecting me, or if it was fuelled by jealousy, and I doubt


    he will rify it either. He¡¯s in closed down and don¡¯t question my actions mode. I¡¯m too wiped out to try


    and care about it and just stare at the passing scenery until the nees into view. It¡¯s not pitch-


    ck outside, as night gives way to morning light but it¡¯s still dark enough to have streetmps on and


    headlights in use.


    Mico is just depositing us on the flight, then leaving to go back to do exactly what he said he would.


    Make this all go away and smooth over the family¡¯s questions of where we are, while cleaning up his


    cousin¡¯s catastrophic mess.


    It doesn¡¯t take long to get to the airfield and I don¡¯t wait for Alexi to open my door as we pull up beside


    the jet on the private runway. I get out, taking my bag silently, and head straight for the stairs that are


    sitting down waiting for us as an air hostess runs to grab it.


    ¡®I can manage,¡¯ I state hoarsely, dismissing her with a hand swipe, pushing past her and head in to


    march down the aisle and sit in the first row that has a table for leg room. Head closed off; eyes on task


    and refusing to let my bubbling cesspool of strangled emotions get to me for the next few hours. I¡¯m


    going to sleep, sober up and just try to get back to New York without killing him. Only way to do that is


    byplete avoidance altogether. I have so much anger still aimed his way that it¡¯s better if he just


    keeps the hell out of my way. My insides are in turmoil and it¡¯s not just from alcohole down.


    Alexi follows and when he gets near me I plonk my bag on the seat beside me, so he knows to leave


    me be, and turn my face away so there¡¯s no eye contact whatsoever. He doesn¡¯t stop, just walks past


    me silently, no hesitation and goes to sit up the back instead. Throwing himself in a seat heavily and


    chucks his bag and jacket on the table in front of him before pulling his phone out. I re back at him


    over the top of the seats before I sit down having watched him walk back there, and turn to face the


    front once more.


    Three hours of silence will do me just fine. He can stay back there for all I care and if hees near


    me I will gouge his fucking eyes out.


    * * *


    I must have fallen asleep on the flight pretty quickly, abo of booze and that it¡¯s the early hours of


    the morning, as the first thing I know is a warm hand touches my arm, startling me awake in


    disorientation and I jump in reaction. Heart and lungs trying to leap out of my body and then slump


    back inwards to send my nerves haywire.


    ¡®We¡¯re here, get up.¡¯ Alexi is standing over me, voice husky from tiredness,cking venom and much


    softer eyes than hours ago are eating into me. He looks fed up andpletely devoid of any signs of a


    hangover or even wrinkles from a long flight. He is leaning in, so I feel instantly ustrophobic and I


    shove his hand off me angrily. Chest resembling a war drum with the fright he gave me.


    ¡®Don¡¯t touch me.¡¯ I¡¯m still fuming, even though I just woke up and take a minute to grasp at my


    surroundings and get my bearings. He sighs heavily and moves back to let me out as I get up,


    disorientated, and storm past first to get off the ne before him. No mood for another him and me


    spat.


    I¡¯m groggy, tired and unsteady on my feet, but I am acting like a fierce little kitty cat and ready to kick


    him in the face should he give me shit on the ride home. I was dreaming about crazy things and it¡¯s not


    made for the best of moods at all. My head and body are mmy and achy from an impending


    hangover, and having a short three-hour nap has left me feeling so out of whack. I think I might even


    still be drunk and my hands are trembling crazily.


    I shiver as the night air hits me and realise it¡¯s past dawn and achingly bright out. I have no concept of


    time and the noises of early morning and crisp air p me to my senses.


    Alexi strays behind me at a distance, still quiet and being sensible enough to leave me alone as I get in


    the car that is waiting for us¡ªA ck, sinister, mafia standard, four by four with a familiar driver from


    his club. I make sure I am in before he is and move across, so he¡¯s nowhere near me when he appears


    at the same side after me. I immediately turn my face to the window aware that he¡¯s carrying my bag as


    I stupidly forgot to lift it and curse myself irritably. He hands it off along with his to the man holding the


    door as he gets in, and both of us just settle into the leather seats to stare out of opposite windows.


    Tension thick like smog and the air crackling with electricity that I can even feel on my tongue as it


    tingles. I expected some sort of Alexi bacsh by now, some demonic rage or punishment at how I


    have behaved towards him, but he¡¯s just sat simmering and acting like I¡¯m not even here. This is


    getting to be a habit for him ofte. Letting my behaviour slide, no matter how volcanic I get with him.


    Not that I care


    I¡¯m nking his presence too and I hope to God it stays this way. Last thing I need when feeling surreal


    and sleep deprived is an all-out screaming match with Satan.


    His phone beeps and he pulls it out to deal with whoever is contacting him, nose down as he reads the


    illuminated screen in the now dark interior. All his vehicles have heavily tinted windows so it makes it


    feel like we are in a box or a roomy coffin. This one has a screen between us, and the driver slides it up


    slowly as the engine starts. I guess they can also feel the hostile vibes between us and are getting out


    of the firing line.


    Alexi presses his phone screen and slides it to his ear as we set off, moving down in his seat to adjust


    his sitting position more casually, untypically lounging which showcases how tired he is; while I sit stiff


    and upright and straight as a board. I cannot conceal how much I don¡¯t want to be in a vehicle with him.


    It¡¯s written all over me for anyone to see.


    ¡®We justnded. She¡¯s not dead, no. You will be happy to know she did the smart thing and slept the


    whole way home.¡¯ I feel his eyes on me and turn with a nasty scowl, meeting that smug prick


    expression of his. A tingle of crackle between us as fury meets arsehole and eyes lock in another silent


    battle of wills. Both of us re before I turn my nose back to the scenery, relenting, and try to nk him


    out. I¡¯m guessing it¡¯s Mico and he was worried Alexi had strangled and disposed of me on the flight


    home. My phone is buried in my bag and probably dead, so if he tried it maybe he was genuinely


    scared for my life¡ªEven though I am not.


    If Alexi wouldn¡¯t even let me shoot myself, then I doubt he¡¯s going to try and do away with me, even in


    anger.


    ¡®How bad is it?¡¯ He sounds sober and solemn for a second, a touch of something huskier and mellow to


    the tone, and I wonder if it¡¯s a hint of regret. My ears prick up at that and I listen despite myself,


    straining to hear the voice on the other end but there¡¯s nothing. It¡¯s too muffled by Alexi¡¯s ear and Mico


    isn¡¯t naturally a loud talker either. I wonder if he¡¯s asking about the state of his victim or the likelihood of


    this eventing back to bite him in the arse. I hope it does, big time. It¡¯s what he deserves for


    attacking that poor defenceless man.


    I feel his eyes sweep me on me again, like a sixth sense that knows when he¡¯s looking at me, and just


    tuck my face around and lean my head on the rest to try andpletely nk him; Nose almost to the


    side window and neck in an awkward angle that isn¡¯t thefiest. I¡¯m still reeling from the waves of


    exhaustion sweeping my body brutally and will this journey to be as short as possible.


    ¡®Let me know. I¡¯ll have my cell on all night ¡­ well, what¡¯s left of my night.¡¯ Alexi sounds a tad pissed


    and I smile in disbelief at that statement. No one but himself to me for the screwed up shitty end to


    our night, so if he is trying to pin it on me then he can piss off. I turn and re at him to signal I heard


    thatment and he just raises an eyebrow at me, locking those colourless greys on me in the


    dimmest light. They almost glow in the darkness and yet I don¡¯t break the contact. Staring him down


    too as he does me. No fear or backing down for this girl when ites to him anymore. His acts of


    intimidation are as effective as his threats nowadays. They mean nothing to me anymore.


    One thing I have learned these past weeks in his presence, he won¡¯t ever touch me in the ways he


    once did. For whatever reason, I am out of bounds for that treatment and I know it. I¡¯m confident of it


    now. Tonight has only proved it, by letting me be after attacking him physically. The man I knew before


    would have made me suffer irreversibly for a lot less than that. Not once has he used that low death


    tone and warned me about the dangers ofying a hand on him. Not once has he actually made a


    move to try to scare me into submission again.


    Alexi maybe hasn¡¯t changed all that much in the grand scheme of things, but his boundaries when it


    comes to me have and it gives me a new sense of power I never had before. A warm inner stability that


    I know Alexi is nothing to fear anymore ¡­ Even if he did just beat a man half to death in front of me.


    ¡®Do you want to talk to her and hear for yourself? I swear I haven¡¯t done a damn thing to her.¡¯ Alexi


    sounds agitated and I can only hazard a guess that Mico is grilling him, checking on me, and it warms


    my icy veins a little. Knowing that mad or not, he still worries and I throw Alexi a haughty raised brow


    and a smug smile¡ªstupidly gleeful with his irritation.


    ¡®If he had he would be ball-less right now, Mico.¡¯ I say loudly so I can be heard on the other side and


    that little muscle twinge in Alexi¡¯s jaw makes me smile all the harder, satisfied with the reaction. That


    furrowed brow and intense look that tells me to shut up.


    ¡®Yes! ¡­ See! ¡­ Told you. Still as snappy and fucking charming as always. Not gagged, beaten and


    broken into submission. You can stop texting me like a frantic father and trust me when I say ¡­ I would


    never hurt her. I told you, didn¡¯t I?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s tone drops as he says it, as though he really doesn¡¯t want me


    to hear it and my smile drops, blinking at the husky weird way it came out, and what he said as my


    stomach twirls and tips. Anger and emotional deadpan vacant and he soundedpletely normal for a


    moment, if not a tad serious.


    I stop ring and instead look away and stare at the screen in front of us awkwardly, and try not to


    think more deeply into that sentence than I should. It does weird things to my insides and the sudden


    breathy butterflies make me antsy enough to shift in my seat nervously. It¡¯s hard to stay mad when he


    says things like that and instead I focus on just numbing it all out again; Eyes on passing streets, early


    morning drivers and all the hustle and bustle of Manhattan.


    ¡®We¡¯re not far¡­ I¡¯ll see you tomorrow.¡¯ Alexi sighs heavily and then hangs up his phone and slides it


    onto hisp quietly. I can see him out of the corner of my eye and catch the flicker of a look at the side


    of my face before he goes back to staring out of his own window.


    Even though we¡¯re fighting, and what happened in Miami was vtile and rage-fuelled with a lot of


    aggression, I don¡¯t feel afraid of being here with him, not in the slightest. I don¡¯t understand why and I


    don¡¯t want to dissect it. There¡¯s an ambience of truce in the air, despite lingering resentment and I


    wonder if it¡¯s just down to being exhausted. I close my eyes and tip my head back on the rest to get


    comfy and make a show of going back to sleep.


    I want to anyway, I am really that tired but my head won¡¯t shut off, and I am so crazily aware of him


    sitting this close to me in the car. I can smell his aftershave and his familiar Alexi scent, can feel traces


    of his body heat even though we are a foot apart and the air seems filled with his presence. I screw my


    eyes shut to mentally shake all my senses into silence and try for at least pretend sleep. I know he will


    leave me be if he thinks I am out cold and it affords me some silent thinking space.


    When we pull up to the club half an hourter Alexi taps me gently on my hand and I jump almost out


    my skin, head snapping up and blinking at him in pale-faced shock. I wasn¡¯t expecting actual touching,


    and I think I did eventually start dozing off because I once again feel all out of whack and all over the


    ce from sleep addled fuzzy brain. My heart is doing a rhumba, instant shakes from being torn


    awake.


    Alexi gets out and holds the door open for me, two ck-clothed security men appearing from the


    building behind him in very bright morning sky already, and I realise we are parked out front and not in


    the parking lot of the club. Regardless, it¡¯s where we are, and familiar sights of home are looming


    above us. I have never been so happy to see this damn dark building standing tall in its back-alley


    space. Back in the city, back on familiar territory and finally I get to go be alone in my own room and my


    own space where he doesn¡¯t get to be.


    I get out ungracefully, legs like jelly as I hit the pavement on tired feet and walk past him, curiosity


    getting the better of me now we are here, and I realise he isn¡¯t following me. I don¡¯t know what is with


    my brain or my stupid emotions but the sudden realisation he isn¡¯t evening into the club at all hits


    some odd nerve deep down and my response is genuine shock.


    ¡®You¡¯re noting?¡¯ I nch at him, no clue as to why I thought he would, or the fact the strange


    sense of disappointment tells me I wanted him too. I have no idea why I¡¯m being such an idiot over this.


    I can¡¯t fathom it at all.


    He slides back into the car quickly, leaving me gawping at him from the street while one of the men


    hauls my bag out of the boot and throws me a shady look. Probably wondering why I am questioning


    the boss, and with attitude, because it would be certain punishment for one of his lowly goons.


    ¡®This sociopath is fucking off for a few days. I have other people to deal with; ones who don¡¯t want to


    poison my coffee. Get the club open by Friday; I¡¯m sick of it losing money. Do your job, get MY club


    open, and do it pronto.¡¯ Alexi sounds like him of old. No expression in his voice, no emotion or


    anything. Just that cold bossy indifference I loathe with a passion and he goes to pull his door shut, but


    I stop it mid swing. Instantly aggravated by him and the fact he¡¯s leaving me here.


    ¡®OUR fucking club and it will be ready by Friday, don¡¯t worry about that. Don¡¯t bothering back for


    opening night, I¡¯m sure I can handle it alone and you will only lower the tone.¡¯ I spit at him, tears circling


    in my throat which are beyond ridiculous, and I don¡¯t get why I am suddenly angry with him because


    he¡¯s doing the decent thing for once and giving me space. I willed him to fuck off the whole way home


    and now he¡¯s doing it I¡¯m majorly upset with him ¡­ Irrationally so. I don¡¯t even know what the hell is


    going on in my own body and brain sometimes.


    Alexi just looks grim at both my tone and my words.


    ¡®I¡¯ll be here. Don¡¯t want you being left alone with all those rich men looking forpany. I know how


    easily you give in to temptation.¡¯ His anger stirs up from the depths in that biting response, and our


    eyes meet as temperatures soar again. Always easy to goad each other into a fiery rage. I have never


    known a man who can send me into a swirl of moods like a PMS¡¯ing teen with bad hormone control.


    ¡®Fuck off, Alexi. Bagging a rich man has never been my goal in life. If it was I would have never stopped


    you tonight. I would be nakedly fucking you half to heaven in that hotel right now.¡¯ I point out with my


    nose in the air and hands on my hips¡ªfull-on bitch sass.Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®That was a moment of drunken stupid¡ªforgot who you were for a second¡ªdon¡¯t worry it won¡¯t happen


    again!¡¯ He too adopts that sarcastic hatred, riling me further.


    ¡®Yeah, figures. Like I would want a repeat of the most unmemorable sex I have ever had in my life.¡¯ I


    spit at him in bitter retaliation, scathed by his remark and shut the door on him instead, mming it


    hard before he can retort and spin on my heel to storm to the entrance stairs of the club. Tears bite at


    me and that heavy thick lump in my throat threatens to choke me.


    I don¡¯t wait around to see if he has anything to say on the matter, holding back my emotional stupidity


    and that sense of extreme loneliness that hits me hard in the gut as I make my way up the steps


    quickly. I¡¯m nked by the two men, who walk behind me and usher me inside safely.


    It¡¯s early morning, birds singing in the sunny dawn light, and yet I feel like an icy grip has taken hold of


    my heart as I enter the near pitch-ck club. Every part of me that was desperate to get here falls by


    the wayside in a sense of deted disappointment now I am here. I wonder why I was so eager to get


    back to this.


    It feels empty and hostile, devoid of any feeling ofing home and warmth, even though it¡¯s exactly


    as it was twelve hours ago.

 Chapter 115

    Chapter 115


    I have worked my arse off for five days getting this club ready, and now, as opening night looms upon


    me, I stand out in the car park giving Feral his daily food portion. Sun zing down on us in this


    gorgeous weather, warming my head and shoulders in my loose shirt dress,pletely out of the norm


    for the time of year and I feel a little less tense than I did indoors. My nerves for re-opening night have


    been getting to me for days, and I¡¯m strung up to high heaven with a constant lead weight in my


    stomach.


    I may have grown a little attached to this snarling little ginger beast and have been feeding him twice a


    day when I pop out here for air. It¡¯s be ritualistic for me. Escaping my confines for breathing space


    to expel my anxiety and seeing to this hopeless creature. He¡¯s starting to look a lot more appealing


    these days, now that skin and bone has a slight padding and thicker healthier fur.


    He¡¯s staring at me from under the bo of the nearest car, his usual hiding spot, as I scrape out the


    cat meat into the steel bowl I keep out here for him and top up the water from the bottle I brought down.


    He knows the drill but yet he always acts like I am invading his space and doing some awful act.


    Feral hisses at me when I straighten up.


    ¡®Oh shush, you crazy beast. I know you are nicer than you pretend to be. Just remember whoes


    out here and feeds you every day. Show a little gratitude.¡¯ I tell him off with a friendly tone and watch


    with stupid pride as he settles down his aggressive verbal¡¯s instantly; res watchfully.


    The cat slowly edges out, not yet ready to trust, and I move back to give him the space he requires to


    make a dash for the bowl like a starved animal, even though he¡¯s started gaining weight. I wouldn¡¯t go


    as far as saying he is thriving yet, but he¡¯s noticeably better. His coat is lesscklustre and the flea


    tablet Jackson crushed into his food on Monday seems to have taken care of the little infestation he


    had going on. He isn¡¯t scratching and the bald patches and bloody scratches look like they are starting


    to heal already.


    We still can¡¯t get near him, but he tolerates us within three feet now, instead of six, which is huge.


    Watching us whenever wee out, and he has the sense to at least avoid the cars now. Which is a


    complete relief to my nerves; I swear I got so antsy anytime cars came and went I thought about


    banning all of them from parking here and telling them to go find space in the street. I am a little


    protective of my hostile kitty cat.


    I pick up the can and bottle to clear my rubbish away and turn to head back in as he growls at my


    departure¡ªA long, low deep noise this time.


    ¡®I¡¯m taking that as a thank you and goodbye you ungrateful little scab. I do enjoy our chats though ¡­


    See you tomorrow, Feral. Sleep tight and watch out for the traffic.¡¯ I throw back with a smile at him,


    getting a big yellow re from his one and only good eye and head back into the building. Shaking my


    head at how I could find something as visually unattractive as Feral, adorably cute. There is obviously


    something warped inside of me.


    I don¡¯t know what made me start buying real cat food for the bloody thing in the first ce. I think it was


    seeing it out here the morning I came home from Miami looking skinny and unwanted and eating


    scraps from the edge of the bins to survive.


    That ginger little street rat that nobody cares about¡ªkind of struck a chord in me. I have been taking


    care of him ever since. Even roped Jackson into it to make sure the cat had eyes watching for him


    around the clock when I wasn¡¯t out here.


    I head indoors, eyes adjusting from bright light to gloomy dimness that always seems worse after being


    out there. I head upstairs and catch sight of that tramp ¡®Hoe-anne¡¯ in Lucie¡¯s old office when I get up to


    the door of mine and throw her a distasteful look.


    I still hate her ever-lingering presence, but it¡¯s an advantage having a skivvy to order about and do the


    mundane shit I cannot be bothered with. My ns for her stand-in are to train someone to such a


    ¡®You sorted out tonight¡¯s guest list like I told you to?¡¯ I throw her attitude ¡­ Just because I can.


    ¡®Yes. A couple of them are bringing guests.¡¯ She has that catty air to her tone although she tries to veil


    it¡ªunsessfully. Feeling between us is mutual.


    ¡®Put the list on my desk when you¡¯re done so I can vet the guests. We check everyone whoes


    here, every time we book a night. Double check and dot every ¡®i¡¯, no mistakes.¡¯ I learned the hard way


    that all guests should be ounted for.


    ¡®Yes, I know.¡¯ She answers with a snotty tone and gets a frosty look from me. I have been putting her in


    her ce all week and she is trying not to go down without a fight and failing.


    I haven¡¯t heard from Alexi either. Not since the night we went to Miami, and I am still simmering over


    that. He¡¯s a thug, a jealous irrational arsehole who waspletely out of order, yet he¡¯s still part owner,


    and he owed me some sort of fucking contact before now. An apology, or just to check in and see how I


    was doing. He¡¯s annoyed me immensely for not even one measly little god damn text.


    It¡¯s not that I gave a shit about some random man getting beaten; it was that he attacked someone


    merely for touching me, in front of me, and put the fear of God in me in the worst kind of way. He


    violently pulverised someone because of me and yet, has ignored me for almost a week.


    Anytime I forget who or what he is it¡¯s like he has to remind me that he¡¯s a soulless demon and put it


    back in my face that he¡¯s capable of so much; That raw brutal aggression, like a machine. He


    annihted that guy effortlessly.


    Alexi shows a tiny bit of human and then destroys it by showing you a tidal wave of theplete


    psycho that dwells inside him. I wonder if it¡¯s because of the simple fact he let his guard down and fear


    hits him hard that you might see a little deeper. Think he might harbour a softer side.


    I¡¯m really starting to see that he has major issues on a serious level. Getting to know him more than I


    did first time around has me second guessing all that clever and smooth aura of evil, and wondering


    just how broken he is under theyers he disys. He¡¯s not as clear-cut as he once appeared to be. I


    think Alexi is a lot more screwed up than he likes to let on.


    I know he trains with the cousin who boxes, I¡¯ve heard him talk about him, and a lot of his cousins are


    all into martial arts and some form of fight training. He can probably do a lot of damage effortlessly, but


    that man was no match andpletely unprepared. If Mico and Gino hadn¡¯t intervened I have no doubt


    that he would have killed him, without any remorse, right there in front of me. He is clearly not against


    me witnessing that again.


    It¡¯s also a stark reminder of how ingrained it is in his head that taking a life is nothing. He¡¯s emotionally


    disconnected from the act in every way and I have often tried to dissect why or how he got to this point.


    Jackson told me that the Miami ¡®incident¡¯ has all been taken care of; the club owner is a friend and


    wiped the security feed from the hall we were in. The ¡®victim¡¯ neither died from his injuries nor did he


    get a good look at Alexi as it happened so fast, and he was drunk enough to not remember much after.


    Not even me. It¡¯s all been cleaned up and fizzling away as though it never happened at all. Jackson


    told me his injuries seemed a lot worse than they were, and that the man is on the mend in a Miami


    hospital.


    Not that any of that makes me feel any better or able to forgive Alexi for it.


    Never underestimate the proficiency of his clean-up crew, following in his wake to make sure Master


    Carrero is never touched. It¡¯s pathetic.


    His reach goes beyond New York, so I don¡¯t doubt there is plenty of Miamiw enforcement on his


    payroll if it¡¯s a destination where he frequents to kick back. Alexi¡¯s touch goes much further than our


    city, even I know that. I knew who he was when I was in Chicago, and beyond. I heard rumours, knew


    who they were as a collective family. They are known in the realms of the rich and powerful, and Alexi


    has a framed picture on his wall of his father with one of the previous presidents. I do not


    underestimate the level of corruption he is involved in.


    Untouchable.


    Beating some man in a club is nothing to him.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    I head into my office and sit down with a heavy sigh and weird mood, spying the bag of cat treats that


    Jackson has left for me here. I smile involuntarily, a little warm pick me up to my internal sombre


    heaviness. He brought them from home because his wife¡¯s kittens don¡¯t like them and I swipe them up


    to put in my desk forter. It gives me a reason to go visit the little fleabag before bed and check in on


    him. It¡¯s sad to admit but Feral¡¯s visits have be the highlight of my day. Nurturing some poor little


    beast back to health and seeing him improve daily, gives me some sense of self-worth.


    Jackson has taken a shine to Feral too and made him a little shelter in the far corner of the lot to sleep


    in when it¡¯s raining. He utilised some old stic tubs and cut a doorway in the side of one he upturned.


    It¡¯s all cosy and watertight with the lid as a removable base we can clean. Filled with old rags and a


    pillow, Feral at least has somewhere weather resistant andfy to sleep at night, and we have seen


    him use it.


    I¡¯m supposed to make Jackson shadow me where ever I go but what Alexi doesn¡¯t see, he doesn¡¯t


    know about, and I¡¯m too pissed at him to obey his ¡®Jackson will shadow your every move¡¯ bullshit this


    week.


    I take him when I leave the club, or when I am downstairs he tends to follow me at a distance, but


    never ventures up here unless I ask him to, and when I feed Feral he usually just hangs around in the


    hall in case I need him. Watches me on the internal door camera so I can have a little me time; Which I


    have needed a lot oftely while working daily in this building that¡¯s constantly full of people.


    I like Jackson, he reminds me of Mico, only quieter and softer. He¡¯s a huge man, much bigger than his


    cousins in build and weight. Broad, a little tubby around the midriff, but he has a nice face, definitely


    that Carrero bone structure, and he smiles often. He¡¯s a soft touch with his cats and he mentions


    Susan, his wife, frequently. It¡¯s a wonder he works in this lifestyle at all as I wouldn¡¯t peg him for a Mafia


    henchman.


    Carrero men areplex and despite this whole Gangster world and bad things they do, some of them


    are definitely more human than Alexi is. I don¡¯t mind my escort, he¡¯s security when I need it and gives


    me a feeling of safety when I go anywhere. Jackson gives me a sense of confidence that I won¡¯t ever


    be attacked in this ce again¡ªMy own personal guardian angel ¡­ even if it ispliments of


    Dickhead Alexi.


    I throw aside all the papers that arsehole needs to sign and approve and sulk a little, listless and


    staring aimlessly at the room spreading out in front of me. It¡¯s been eerily quiet and empty for days; the


    whole building has felt that way, and I am trying to ignore the fact it¡¯s been for as long as Satan has


    been absent. I hate that even though I get to run this club, he still has to co-sign everything of


    importance. I should have that kind of responsibility as I am the one doing everything here, and it just


    infuriates me that he still has to have some level of control, even from afar.


    Wanker!


    The painters are done, the electrics done, although I have a lift engineer scheduled next week as the


    one nearest Lucie¡¯s office keeps making a weird clunking noise every so often and I want it checked


    out. The bar is ready; the marble was reced with a faux granite worktop while our expensive surface


    is being restored in a shop in Seattle. It annoys me that it has a cheap temporary fix but in the dim


    lighting you don¡¯t notice it. Club is clean, tweaked, refinished in my style and restocked with a fresh


    guest list for tonight with new entertainment.


    I have a strip show nned on the centre stage down there, aside from the escorts, and I¡¯ve paid two


    pole dancers to do acrobatic performances throughout the night. Jackson oversaw the carpenters fitting


    our new floor to ceiling poles on the stage, and I have a week of varied sexy rted acts booked for


    our opening weekend. My aim is to entertain them as much as satisfying their pleasures.


    Champagne and food are all ready to be served tonight as a sort of celebratory boom. I have servers in


    ck and white uniforms to ssily stand out, and they are under orders to make this a m party


    evening, rather than the mundane sex and drugs they had for thest four months. Alexi¡¯s club was at


    its peak when the nights were fun and lively, and they felt like they were paying toe to a high ss


    after party, not just some dim smelly club to getid. Joanne had no clue how this ce worked and


    she focused on turning it into a brothel.


    She has no concept of theyers to what this ce does. A lot of the men never even venture to the


    sex rooms at all and deals and connections are made by hobnobbing shoulder to shoulder, getting


    drunk with influential people in a safe space, and snorting their brain cells away on coke. Nothing they


    do here goes beyond these walls and our armed, very obvious security make them feel like they can


    rx and kick back. They are taken care of on every level and it is part of what they pay for¡ªTrusting


    the Carrero name to look after them.


    The girls are a perk, not the focus. The drugs and booze are lubricators for deals and underhand


    agreements. Alexi¡¯s contacts list quadrupled after his first month of having this ce open, and she


    really had no vision at all. Take away the mour, the gold star treatment of your guests and the


    attention to all the little luxurious details and you are left with a whore house that makes you pay


    through the nose for stale services. That¡¯s not what we built¡ªit¡¯s ssy even if its foundations are


    sordid.


    I don¡¯t get why Alexi just walked away from it for months. I don¡¯t believe for a minute he was really


    looking for me and it¡¯s his sarcastic way of just being a prick. Highlighting the fact, he did the exact


    opposite of look for me. I know how his mind works and if he wanted to find me he would have. I was


    close enough and still in his domain.


    I don¡¯t buy that bullshit for even a second.


    I push it all out of my head, restless and nervy because tonight is a huge deal for me, and I feel like I


    have to prove my worth all over again. Regain my crown more so, now that he and I are not exactly


    getting on anymore.


    I hate to admit that it¡¯s getting to me more than it should and a brewing storm of anger circles every


    time I think of how easily he has just dismissed me once again. Cut me off while he sulks and it bites


    like a son of a bitch. I have more worth than that. I am not one of his stupid toys or vague employees. I


    own half this god damn business now. I signed the papers he had sent to the apartment weeks ago.


    He needs to stop treating me like a disposable object!


    Getting up,pletely frustrated and unable to sit at peace, I decide to head back downstairs to expel


    my excess energy. Even though I just got up here. I just need to check onst-minute details to be sure


    it¡¯s all in order, that staff ising in as scheduled and the bar is sparkling and ready. I¡¯m antsy with


    swirling nerves, fidgeting like crazy and having to blow out long heavy breaths every few minutes to


    regte my building anxiety. I know tonight will go to n; I have to have a little faith in my abilities.


    Alexi did ¡­ he brought me back for this purpose.

 Chapter 116

    Chapter 116


    I head back for the lift and go downstairs.


    I do a walk through with Jackson following me, around all the rooms and seating areas, pointing out


    tiny things that should be rectified before Showtime. Such as the squint light on the ceiling of the


    largest lounge pit in the main VIP lounge. And the lopsided fabric of one of the swags up over the


    stage. He goes off to find adder and I drill the staff who havee in early to dost minute prep on


    tonight¡¯s running. I am in boss mode and trying to focus all my nerves on the little details. An area I


    have always excelled at.


    ¡®Keep the champagne circting; always have full trays walking around, and keep the food going too.


    Treat this like a charity event where you would constantly have canap¨¦s and booze being distributed


    among the guests. If they are sitting, then watch for them gesturing you over. I want every single man


    whoes in here to feel like he has our full and utmost attention on them and feel special, all night.


    No matter who they are.¡¯ I sound stern as I watch the little gathered arc of eyes on me for direction¡ª


    my mix of servers and bar staff.


    ¡®Yes, Miss Walters.¡¯ I get an echo from all of them, all eyes on me as I pace back and forth agitatedly. I


    am aware that I am getting more frantic as golden hour looms upon us and I don¡¯t know how to settle


    my nerves. I don¡¯t remember it being this bad first time we had our opening night here, but maybe


    that¡¯s because Alexi helped take control and all the weight was not on my shoulders alone. His


    presence has been a huge void all day.


    ¡®You all now have these.¡¯ I point to the little mic chip on the cor of the nearest girl. An exact replica to


    the ones Alexi and all his security use. I don¡¯t have one because I don¡¯t want the distraction of them


    talking to one another all night when I need a clear head to keep my eyes on the entire scene.


    ¡®Any problems at all, you press it and talk. Security is all wired in to one another and as long as you


    state where you are and say RED, they wille. Don¡¯t use it for anything other than that.¡¯


    ¡®So, we say ¡­ Main lounge, red?¡¯ The young blonde dimwit who is forever questioning me speaks up


    and I turn and stare her down. Not impressed with her butting in.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®Yes Veronica, like that,¡¯ I snap.


    ¡®It¡¯s Victoria ¡­¡¯ She butts in shyly and I just eyeroll at her in annoyance.


    ¡®That¡¯s nice, Veronica. Now shut up, I¡¯m talking,¡¯ I retort cattily, more prone to my bitch sidetely while


    my emotions have been a little overwrought. I am still very much a believer of leaving my staff a little


    afraid of me, so they never get too cosy.


    ¡®Don¡¯t abuse it. Only if you feel like there¡¯s an issue or risk. Not for anything else. Right, Veronica? Our


    security is working too and watching everything, so don¡¯t annoy them.¡¯


    Dimwit nods her head like an overenthusiastic puppy and I just sigh at her, wondering what possessed


    me to not give IQ tests when hiring for this ce. Sometimes I swear I got the barrel scrapings of the


    pick. The rest of my staff all nod quietly.


    I have to brief the escorts when they arrive of the new measures put in ce for their safety and apart


    from that, get ready for tonight. I am nning on a good long soak in the tub and I have a leisurely two


    hours left to make up and put on my new dress.


    I have gone for ck sequins all over in a very elegant little cocktail number. It¡¯s got a scoop cowl neck


    andce-up corset back that helps hold my girls up with cleavage popping effect. Shoulders and a little


    boobage on show subtly, yet long moulded sleeves andes to around my knees¡ªSexy yet not


    overly so.


    ¡®Ok, chop chop. Make sure everything sparkles like a diamond and nothing is out of ce. We have


    two hours till Showtime and you lot have to carry on organising all the food onto trays and get


    everything perishable into the refrigerators in the kitchen. Work out between you who is overseeing the


    food side and who is overseeing the Champagne. I want the bars tended up and down all night as we


    have guests in both lounges.¡¯ I p my hands at them, more so to focus my own brain back on task


    and get another round of nods.


    ¡®Yes, Miss Walters.¡¯ Again, my little echo of minions, and I am satisfied to leave it to them, waving them


    off with a hand gesture. I click my fingers at Jones, the head of floor security here, and he walks over


    towards me with that same unemotional, unreadable expression. I swear they must all go to a training


    camp in infancy to learn this shit.


    ¡®Ma¡¯am?¡¯ He¡¯s another Carrero of some kind, or he¡¯s just very Italian with good looks. I sort of can¡¯t tell


    with some of the men and smile at him charmingly; full-on one hundred watt dazzling Cami.


    ¡®Escortse in an hour before Showtime, make sure they get their new ess cards to the rooms


    and their panic rms. They have to wear them at all times. I will be down to see them before we open


    the doors, but I want them briefed on your new protocols if they encounter trouble. We don¡¯t want


    anything to go wrong tonight.¡¯ I am less haughty with this man as I know he is very capable and runs


    his detail with an authority and attention that I respect. He¡¯s never given me any hassles.


    ¡®Yes, Ma¡¯am.¡¯ He repeats in that same deadpan tone, eyes on me inoffensively.


    Everything must be perfect. I have a lot to prove to myself and to that Arsehole Alexi.


    ¡®Joanne will be down here as back up, but you know ¡­ disregard anything she says unless she¡¯s


    screaming rape or someone has her cornered in the BDSM room ¡­ Maybe.¡¯ I smile wickedly, a hint of


    humour seeping out and his face breaks from expressionless to a little smirk. I know he has never


    warmed to her either. His manner with her is always brisk and hostile.


    ¡®Understood.¡¯ He nods and moves off to handle his own men in ck and I head out to go back


    upstairs for the second time. I just cannot seem to settle in one ce for more than a few minutes and


    it is starting to drive me mental. I need something to do with myself to stop my antsy pacing and


    obsessive order issuing. Maybe I should go take that soak in my bath now and start getting ready.


    Focus all my energy on that.


    I head towards the hall that leads to the back door, getting level with the lift cut-off and nod to the two


    securities whose detail it is to guard this door all night as I go to pass.


    Suddenly the back-security door swings open, crashing against the concrete wall to the side with a


    deafening thud from sheer force, and Alexi and Micoe dashing in, looking like their arses are on


    fire and pping at something near their legs; Kicking back out towards the blinding sunshine and


    making a lot of noise and disruption to boot.


    It¡¯s a chaotic entrance and for a moment I forget that it¡¯s dickheads first appearance all week and just


    stand to gawp at whatever they are doing. Comical entrance from two iling bodies.


    ¡®Fucking psychotic little freak,¡¯ Alexi bursts out with a yell, kicking the door shut dramatically and


    forcefully in anger and Mico bursts outughing before spotting me standing there.


    ¡®You train that thing to kill Alexi on sight?¡¯ He throws me a smile and I just look bewildered. Confused


    with what the hell is going on and why they both seem to be breathless from walking the ten feet from


    the car park. I pegged them both as much fitter, unless they ran here.


    ¡®What are you talking about?¡¯ I ampletely baffled.


    ¡®He¡¯s talking about your new guard dog taking a liking to my fucking leg¡ªYour fucking cat!!¡¯ Alexi snaps


    at me, irate, openly annoyed and bends down to rub his leg under the knee and then his thigh. It¡¯s the


    first time I notice three little dots of blood appearing through the denim of his jeans he¡¯s wearing. I stifle


    a smile as it dawns on me that he has just been epically mauled by my good little boy.


    ¡®Feral attacked you?¡¯ I can¡¯t help the giggling that bursts forth through my words, and he res at me,


    straightening up and snarls my way. All thoughts that he mighte back nicer than he left a week ago


    die a death.


    ¡®That flea bitten psycho should be run over,¡¯ he narcs and I just narc right back.


    ¡®I would say the same about you, but here you are. If you get left to walk around attacking people, then


    so should he. Leave him alone.¡¯ I answer drily, hands on hips. The air sizzles once more with our


    familiar electric hatred and Mico just sighs like a worn out and already fed up dad, caught between


    siblings.


    I go to turn on my heel, disinterested in taking this further and smug that he got what he deserved, but


    Alexi¡¯s sudden movement towards Mico alerts me.


    ¡®Give me your gun; I¡¯m going to shoot it in the fucking head.¡¯ He soundspletely serious and even


    though Mico doesn¡¯t attempt to reach for his gun, I freak out impulsively. Jumping at Alexi and grabbing


    his arm to pull him away with a sudden swelling ofplete crazy protective instincts kicking in.


    ¡®Don¡¯t you dare!!! Don¡¯t you fucking dare!! You leave him alone, you hear me!¡¯ Tears blur my vision


    instantly. Panic grips me as my insides feel zapped by a voltage of pain at the thought of him hurting


    Feral, and my voice wobbles as I try to restrain him, getting an Alexi set of hands on my shoulders as


    he pushes me away harshly.


    ¡®I wouldn¡¯t waste the bullet, to be honest. He¡¯s a worthless scruff. That cat goes for me again I will


    break the fucker¡¯s neck.¡¯ He snaps at me, using his forearm to push me away from him because I am


    still stupidly battling his hands to make sure he gets nowhere near Mico¡¯s gun and I¡¯m left teetering on


    my shoes and grab for the wall for support.


    Hardly a gentleman!


    ¡®They say animals are good judges of character ¡­ maybe he can sense what a prick you are?¡¯ I throw


    at him and he just smiles at me sciously; his normal traits firing on all cylinders today.


    ¡®Nice to see you too, thanks for the wee back. I totally missed the sunshine that you are in my life,


    Cam.¡¯ Alexi pushes past me and heads for the lift, dismissing me and this topic, meaning he is going


    upstairs and I just sigh heavily as I try to calm my inner war.


    He¡¯s in casual clothes, and with only a couple of hours till opening, I guess he¡¯s getting ready here. In


    his room, in the apartment I was just heading too.


    I wish he would just leave again.


    ¡®London,e. I want a briefing before you go do whatever it is you do here all day.¡¯ He walks into the


    lift, turns and stares at me expectantly, grinding words at me sarcastically and Mico just sighs and nods


    with his head that I should follow.


    I stand there in two minds about whether I should tell him to Fuck off, or follow, and relent.


    He¡¯s here for the night and I will have to put up with him whether I like it or not. I may as well be the


    mature one, get this over and done with seeing as he will just follow me if I don¡¯t. Besides, going


    upstairs takes that sadistic brain far away from my cat and out of harm¡¯s reach.


    I walk in after him, expecting Mico to do so too, but he just waves at us before walking on by, towards


    the ground floor of the club and leaves us alone as the door slides shut.


    Shit!


    I am so not ready for a solo moment with him, especially not with the filthy mood he just arrived in.


    Alexi stands stiff on his side of the space, facing forward, and I stand awkwardly on my side, facing


    forward. We fallpletely silent, despite our spat and I automatically start staring at the nails on my


    left hand because it instantly gets extremely tense in here as the door slides shut.


    No one is going to speak it seems and I am not about to break the eerie quiet because the tension is


    deafening. I can feel the heaviness of atmosphere fall around us like thick smog, yet we say nothing,


    surprisingly. Both ignorant and stubborn and refusing to break the ice in any way now we are alone.


    I figured first day back he would have an Alexi epic go at me for how things were after Miami, but he


    doesn¡¯t. Just silently waits for the door to open on the third floor and walks out into the hall of the


    offices without acknowledging me in any way. I don¡¯t know whether to feel relieved at that or annoyed


    that he¡¯s being a bastard.


    Joanne jumps to her feet as I follow him and almost falls head first into us in her eagerness to wag her


    tail at her master returning; still a sad little cling-on where he is concerned, even though it¡¯s obvious he


    has absolutely no interest in her. I guess she fell out of favour in my absence and has met the


    indifference of Alexi ever since. It¡¯s very cold out there, I should know. Chasing him and submissively


    licking his boots doesn¡¯t do a whole lot for you. Neither does putting a gun to your head and telling him


    you love him.


    ¡®Alexi, so good to see you back,¡¯ she chirps up, all bosom and smiles, preening like a desperate hoe


    needing a dick fix.


    ¡®Go away.¡¯ Alexi doesn¡¯t even look her way, delivers the deadpan order without emotion and the


    crumbling of her expression is pitiful. It¡¯s brutal to watch, yet also strangely satisfying.


    ¡®I umm.¡¯ She tries for a second attempt but this time it¡¯s me she annoys as I follow him closely.


    ¡®He said go away,¡¯ I repeat, and she just stands gawping at us until we walk into the office together,


    matching strides and I shut the door in her face behind me with a raised brow that says ¡®see ya¡¯.


    Joanne irritates me even on a good day, and I just cannot forgive her for being used to both hurt me,


    humiliate me and the fact she ruined my very expensive cream dress with red wine months ago. I like


    to hold a grudge. I never was a nice person.


    Alexi wastes no time walking straight to his/my desk, which neither of us is willing to relinquish even


    though there is another by the window. We both always take this one like some sort of juvenile power


    struggle in this domain. He slides in, sits heavily, plonks his feet on the table on top of all my paperwork


    and eyes me challengingly. I know he is trying to piss me off and it¡¯s working; Although, I am better at


    acting than that, and I am not about to show him that he is getting to me.

 Chapter 117

    Chapter 117


    ¡®So what have I missed ¡­ and are we ready for nine p.m.?¡¯ Straight to the point, no other chit-chat or


    mention ofst week?


    Fine by me.


    Two can y at that game!


    If Alexi is taking the all business route to interact with me then I can handle that just fine. However, I


    hate that it makes me feel weirdly upset and just triggers a nerve¡ªstupidly so.


    ¡®I took care of everything. Club¡¯s ready, guests are sorted, and everything is in hand. All you need to do


    is put on a suit and look intimidating.¡¯ I smile drily, tight facial expressions because it takes so much


    effort.


    So be normal then.


    Not that he isn¡¯t in jeans and a t-shirt, it¡¯s just like this he¡¯s more street boxer than Mafia king and that


    edge of psycho he keeps in his back pocket is not so obvious when he dresses down. As much as I


    dislike that part of who he can be, I dislike it when he is less sinister to look at.


    I know ¡­ I¡¯m fucked up. Somethingpletely wrong with me and I probably need therapy.


    ¡®I¡¯m bringing a guest¡ªChief of Police¡ªNice to keep things friendly with our localw enforcement,¡¯


    Alexi smirks, deviously so. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s because of what he said, or because he is enjoying


    behaving like an inconsiderate arsehole who takes no responsibility for being a thug in Miami.


    I knew he had police on the take, but I didn¡¯t think it stretched as high as that.


    ¡®Does he need special requirements?¡¯ I add, trying to appearpletely professional and keep that


    edge out of my tone even though I feel irritated at him. Annoyed with myself that I am simmering hurt


    over how he¡¯s pushed all talk of what happened away, as though none of it matters ¡­ as though I don¡¯t


    matter.


    ¡®He likes redheads.¡¯ That dangerous sh of the eye trying to goad me to bite, and a hint at him being


    in sadist mode, and I just shake my head, refusing to fall for it.


    ¡®Good for him. I¡¯ll find him one.¡¯ I¡¯m not going to react. He¡¯s angling for a fight and being his usual prick


    self, probably because I am not falling all over him for finally showing up to his own club.


    In a way I also sort of feel relieved with the appearance of this version of him. I didn¡¯t trust Mr Nice,


    couldn¡¯t rx when he was ying docile, but I know exactly where I stand with smug arsehole


    Carrero, and know how to handle him when he is this way. No second guessing, no surprises. No trying


    to figure out his motives. As messed up as it is, I actually trust this side of him. I know it, it¡¯s familiar and


    this isn¡¯t an act to goad me to his demands. I know what is expected of me. He¡¯s sulking and being a


    tosser¡ªnothing new there.


    Alexi, at the very beginning, was this man. Blunt, bossy, all business, and those first few months when


    we built this club, I could both tolerate him and sort of rx in hispany. It was sex that messed me


    up when it came to him, nothing else but physically letting him inside of me. Once he got into my body,


    he got into my mind and my heart. It¡¯s better with veiled hostility and our eyes on the club instead of


    one another.


    This version won¡¯t ever get that chance.


    ¡®I want a brte, none of the club girls. I want someone new. Not someone who has been passed


    around to everyone and their dog downstairs.¡¯ His eyes sh in amusement and I know it¡¯s said as a


    dig at me. Hurting me for my past and trying to use his biggest weapon against me¡ªwomen.


    Despite myself, I choke on my own saliva; a pain hits me hard in the gut and I try not to physically react


    outwardly. I haven¡¯t seen him with women since I came back, and he hasn¡¯t used any to get at me untilThis belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    this very moment. It¡¯s the first time in a long time he has put me down with an insult this way too, well,


    apart from calling me a whore in Miami. I take a steady breath to calm the way my heart and body just


    spin into meltdown, and it takes all of my strength to hide it.


    ¡®Thought you preferred blondes?¡¯ It¡¯s there in my voice, that tiny ounce of hurt and I just pray he can¡¯t


    hear it.


    ¡®I prefer redheads, but that¡¯s off the table, so I¡¯m improvising. I can¡¯t sit downstairs twiddling my thumbs


    and not sampling my own goods. It would look wrong. Suspicious ¡­ Unless you¡¯re offering?¡¯ That


    maniptive look in that smug face gets me and I know exactly what he¡¯s doing.


    He¡¯s testing me, to see if I bite. To see if he still has an emotional hold on me and trying to make me


    jealous. He¡¯s goading me because I rejected him in Miami and he wants to know how far it goes. Do I


    just not want a repeat of before and do care, or am I really over him? He wants to know.


    Alexi isn¡¯t that hard to read anymore. I have just been blind to it. He doesn¡¯t talk things out and expect


    honesty in an answer, why would he? He lives in a world of liars and backstabbing opportunists that


    has coloured his levels of trust ¡­ he tries to figure things out for himself with maniption and pushing


    boundaries. He reads people on the surface and tries to summarise the oue by triggering


    responses; Very clever.


    I am the type of girl to cut off my nose to spite my face though, and to hide that maybe I do still have


    some sort of feelings; I will supply him with a girl and watch him fuck her. Just to show I do not care at


    all ¡­ Even if it kills me inside.


    ¡®I¡¯ll get you two if you like, one for each side to take it in turns. I know you have more stamina than most


    men.¡¯ I lift my chin and re him down, voice oozing charm. Our eyes locked on one another for a


    moment as neither speaks. Alexi doesn¡¯t give anything away in that face of his, just those pale greys


    set hard on my blues and neither breaks the look for a long pause.


    ¡®Better make it three, I n on getting shit-faced and I get horny and kinky when I¡¯m high. Maybe need


    to use our special room if you can work that. I miss tying up docile women.¡¯ He smirks, less genuine


    this time and I just swallow hard to stop any kind of physical reaction.


    He doesn¡¯t have that control over me anymore. Even though it does hurt, and it does get to me. I¡¯m not


    that weak heart who crumbled at his feetst time, and I won¡¯t ever give him the satisfaction of knowing


    he gets to me.


    ¡®Sure. I road tested it while you were gone. Found myself a little ything of my own and wanted to


    wipe away those memories for new fun ones. Only way to get over your past is to take control of it,


    right?¡¯ I add haughtily and smile wickedly when his face physically changes.


    Not subtle, not cool and controlled. He lookspletely livid, tense jawline, eyes darkening and brows


    dropping dramatically. His eyes drop to his desk.


    ¡®Bullshit, we both know how you feel about being tied up.¡¯ He doesn¡¯t sound so sure anymore, his own


    voice losing the venom and confidence, and he taps the table with his thumb; Agitation and instant


    difort on show.


    I have begun to realise this is a major tell for a range of his emotions, usually negative. He does it


    either when he¡¯s trying to distract himself from something or gets excited in a very happy mood. It¡¯s


    how he focuses himself to control his outward reactions. Right now, I am guessing he¡¯s trying to control


    his temper.


    ¡®Maybe I just needed the right lover to show me the good side to it, and I never said I was the one in


    straps,¡¯ I cattily respond, insides swelling with that sense of satisfaction at ripping at him the way he


    does me. Venom in every word that I hope makes it all the way to his soul. Poison the fucker.


    Guess I am about to find out if he can respect the no punishment boundaries and the fact I never


    agreed to be his this time. Alexi looks like he might explode, a weird smile that¡¯s not really a smile, and


    a very intense frown for a second as he grapples to get a hold on his obvious emotions; Losing face


    under fire and his ability to be Mr Deadpan. It¡¯s wholly wonderful to watch him crumble and struggle to


    stay in control.


    ¡®Hope he¡¯s a good fuck. You could use one; get rid some of that bitterness you got going on, might put


    a fucking smile on your face.¡¯ He snaps as he pulls open a drawer in agitation and starts rummaging,


    eyes on that and not me, and I wonder if it¡¯s a tactic to give himself a task to focus on while he keeps


    battling his internal demon. Getting under his skin the way he used to get under mine.


    I can see why he liked it; the power trip, the upper hand. Knowing you wounded the person in front of


    you in ways that get to them on every level for your own sick pleasure. I could get used to this when it


    comes to him.


    I instantly break into a huge happy grin and sh it his way, seeing the rage as his eyes get darker as


    he nces my way and off again¡ªMaking him eat his own words.


    I wait for the outburst, the jealous psycho act in which he tells me I am his and he will kill anyone who


    dares to touch what he owns, but it doesn¡¯te. He can¡¯t seem to look at me and all his smugness


    and prick fight seems to simmer into silence as he searches for something in the desk and then ms


    it shut.


    He knows I can date whoever I want.


    He knows he has no hold over me that way this time as long as I am discreet.


    He knows I can walk out the door and nevere back.


    I have all the upper hand this time, and it only just dawns on me that in this I have left him powerless.


    His toy isn¡¯t his toy anymore. She¡¯s her own person, and he has to curb all his control freak bully ways


    because she can just disappear again. And it matters to him this time if she does.


    I never thought of that before and wonder if the docile act was him trying to distract me from realising


    this. Staying on the nicer side so I wouldn¡¯t click over how much of a better standing I have this time


    when ites to him. I have grown stronger.


    The bnce has shifted, tables have turned. He needs me more than I need him.


    He knows I will survive on the streets and not look back; I did it my whole life. He has more to gain from


    me being here. I will only lose money and a roof over my head, but that¡¯s nothing. I have restarted from


    scratch many times over. Alexi has millions of dors and a reputation to lose if his club goes under. He


    hates to fail at anything, so this ce dying would be catastrophic to Mr Control freak money maker.


    He¡¯s not going to punish me. He¡¯s not going to push the boundaries like he once did and hurt me the


    same way.


    I can¡¯t believe I just figured that all out from one catty argument, and it changes how I see this entirely.


    That night in the club was his frustration because I rejected him, and he couldn¡¯t do a bloody thing


    about it. So, in his internal turmoil, he took it out on a bystander. I took his control away, and Alexi


    needs that more than anything in life to be able to function. It¡¯s all he knows and it¡¯s what he has self-


    taught to deal with being exposed to his life at such a young age when it spiralled away from him with


    the pulling of one little trigger.


    He¡¯s not been here because he¡¯s sulking, annoyed, probably pissed that he used to be able to have me


    eating out of the palm of his hand, and now ¡­ I won¡¯t even entertain a kiss when drunk.


    That must have really smacked him where it hurts¡ªHis ego and his pride.


    Everything¡¯s changed between us, and I really feel like a huge light just clicked on over my head and


    illuminated him in all his wed glory, growing in confidence as we silently share the same room.


    ¡®Is there anything else?¡¯ I break the long silent standoff, waiting patiently for bossy pants to issue me


    orders. Or some demonic cruel statement to bend me to my knees once more, but he just waves his


    hand at me. I defeated the monster.


    ¡®I have better things to do. Go away.¡¯ It¡¯s a huffy childish snap of voice.


    Alexi is upset. Not in his sinister ¡®I¡¯m a mean asshole and you should fear my wrath¡¯, although looking


    back it¡¯s not his mannerism that¡¯s changed, it¡¯s my perception of it. He¡¯s no longer a threat, and I am no


    longer afraid of him.


    Truly ¡­ It¡¯s not an act. I am honestly stood here with no single tiny ounce of fear anymore.


    He had Miami to put me in my ce and he chose to attack someone else. Whether he cares or not is


    irrelevant anymore. Alexi has shelved me as untouchable, and he has set himself boundaries I now


    believe he won¡¯t cross: Ever.


    It feels pretty good.

 Chapter 118

    Chapter 118


    Alexi is avoiding me. Party in full swing on our first night and I ampletely in control of the event. I


    would go as far as saying our first night is a sess, minus one tiny little detail ¡­


    Tyler, my ex-drug dealer, that beat me half to death hase as a guest; I was too preupied


    because of Alexi to check the bloody guest list beforeing down here to see. Joanne, the tit of a girl,


    obviously ignored the list of banned names when looking through this, or else it was deliberate, and


    she¡¯s in need of a good p. It just adds a level of extreme anxiety to my night and has me looking


    over my shoulder constantly always aware of where he is.


    I may have nothing to fear from him anymore, but he still tried to kill me and that won¡¯t just go away. My


    stomach is swirling with nerves knowing he¡¯s here, and I just cannot rx. I keep biting my lip and


    picking my nails and then scalding myself for showing my unease so obviously. I¡¯m better than this and


    need to get with the program.


    So far, I have caught him looking my way more than once and I hope he has the sense to stay away


    from me for the rest of the night. I¡¯ll have security beat him to death if hees too close to me. He¡¯s


    getting ck-listed after this and Alexi doesn¡¯t seem to have noticed him either.


    Alexi is being who I expected him to be though, no surprises there on that front. He¡¯s sitting among a


    bunch of suited and booted men, deep in conversation, with a woman gyrating on the table amidst


    them all. She keeps lifting her leg and sliding her foot over Alexi¡¯s shoulder to draw his attention


    seductively, but so far, he hasn¡¯t actually moved her from table top.


    Not that I am keeping tabs on him across the room or anything.


    He isn¡¯t knocking her back either and the other brte who keeps sliding up beside him to stroke the


    tattoo on his neck and flirt shamelessly isn¡¯t getting rebuffed at all. He hasn¡¯t returned the favour, but it


    doesn¡¯t mean he won¡¯t. Alexi likes to work up to picking a ymate and then will just swoop on one and


    take her off to be screwed mercilessly. I did what he wanted and plied him with 3 brtes who are


    under orders to y up to him, pander and pet. If he screws them I don¡¯t want to know. They are not


    from our pay packet but one time hires for tonight. I wanted him to think I just didn¡¯t care at all, and so


    far, he doesn¡¯t seem all that interested in them, surprisingly.


    I seem to be more torn up and bothered about them and I should just stop looking his way altogether.


    He can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. I don¡¯t care.


    If I tell myself that enough times maybe the heavy slicing pain in my chest will finally fuck off.


    I watch the room, intermingle with guests and keep tabs on the flow of booze and food. Like before, it¡¯s


    security that passes out product, and they know the limit per member when ites to the substances.


    They are on specific orders to keep tabs on volume. It¡¯s back in ce. Keeping everyone merry, not


    wasted and avoiding overdoses.


    We want them pliable, not dead.


    ¡®You look pretty.¡¯ Mico sidles up beside me, eyes scanning where Alexi is sitting, always aware of his


    cousin and always protecting him, even on a party night. It¡¯s a sense of reassurance knowing Mico is


    ever watchful and always on guard.


    ¡®Thank you. It was a tad extravagant, but I figured tonight was a special night.¡¯ I run my hands down my


    sparkling dress which keeps catching in the lights and giving off tremendous little flickers and shimmers


    as I move. You can¡¯t miss me in the room anyway; I¡¯m like a disco ball.


    A ssy one, I hope.


    ¡®Back at war, huh?¡¯ He nudges me and then nods at Alexi, who catches my eyes on him and I look


    away quickly.


    ¡®Don¡¯t know what you mean. It¡¯s all business over here,¡¯ I answer airily. I won¡¯t show even Mico that


    he¡¯s getting to me. I am done being second guessed when ites to my feelings for that man.


    ¡®Sure, it is. You two are so alike sometimes, it¡¯s terrifying.¡¯ He watches Alexi intensely and I focus on his


    profile instead as he then scans the room andes back to my face.


    ¡®Please ¡­ I am not a raving sociopath who beats people out of some sense of ownership.¡¯ I feel a little


    insulted to get thatparison.


    ¡®He doesn¡¯t think sometimes, Cami. He reacts. Jealous and overprotective ¡­ You care about him, he


    cares about you, yet for some reason, neither of you are capable of putting down the guns for five


    minutes to see what could be.¡¯ Mico looks right at me with a frown across that handsome brow as


    though trying to push the point, and I just shake my head at him. Wrinkling that forehead as his frown


    deepens but it just annoys me on some level and I sigh heavily at him.


    ¡®It¡¯s frustrating to watch.¡¯ He adds with a nudge against me as though it¡¯s going to soften me in some


    way.


    ¡®That¡¯s a lie ¡­ I told him I loved him, then he let me use HIS gun on MY self. Please don¡¯t try to make


    me feel something for him again. It¡¯s dead ¡­ this is only about the club, or else I wouldn¡¯t be here.


    What he did in Miami was inexcusable and controlling, as usual; Nothing else.¡¯ Despite how cold I


    sound, Mico has touched a nerve and any time I think about that night I get the same panging ache in


    my heart. That little hurt I just cannot let go of.


    Alexi hurt me, he broke me, and when I threw myself at his feet, he let me rot. It¡¯s the one factor that


    keeps me clinging to my loathing of the man.


    I won¡¯t ever forget that and it¡¯s behind every resentment I feel for him. If he cared about me, even a tiny


    ounce of a sliver, he would havee to the hospital to see if I was okay ¡­ but he didn¡¯t. Cracked my


    skull and left me there, after pushing me to the verge of dying. He didn¡¯t have enough remorse to even


    muster being by my bedside for thirty seconds, to make sure I would live, and it¡¯s with me all the time.


    Mico exhales heavily, clearly frustrated.


    ¡®Cami, open your eyes. Alexi doesn¡¯t waste his time on people he gives no shits about, yet he


    protects you at every turn. The girls ¡­ he¡¯s obviously no interest in them, so I am guessing he asked


    for them to just piss you off.¡¯ He nods back his way a lot more forcefully.


    ¡®What are you talking about?¡¯ I turn to Alexi and watch him for a moment as he pushes the brte


    who¡¯s slid onto hisp off, and shoves her away harshly. No nice and friendly manner when dealing


    with fuck buddies anyway. Picks up his drink and puts his foot on the table so she can¡¯t do it again. He


    doesn¡¯t look like a man who is enjoying the female adoration, and as he is normally exactly that type of


    man, it stops me in my tracks. I have no response.


    Maybe he¡¯s just not in the mood and maybe they aren¡¯t his type.


    ¡®He pushed you away to protect himself, and you. Everything he has done has been his fucked-up way


    of trying to handle a situation, badly. I didn¡¯t get it at first ¡­ not until you were gone.¡¯


    I look at him like he has two heads. Not pulled in by this BS and definitely not about to fall for some


    touching deeper understanding of his cousin. Alexicks depth ¡­ there is no hidden emotionalyer. I


    have found that out time and time again.


    ¡®Humiliating me and making me feel worthless? That¡¯s not keeping me safe, that¡¯s just a sadist who


    likes to screw your head up. He doesn¡¯t get off on physically hurting women; he gets off on control and


    destruction of their emotions and mind. Mico, I adore you ¡­ but please. When ites to Alexi just


    ept that I will never let him hurt me again, and you don¡¯t know the half of what he did to me, only


    what you witnessed. Your loyalty is cute but misguided, and Alexi is just a cold bastard who sees dor


    signs written all over me. I can live with that, I have epted it is what it is. What I mean to him.¡¯ I pat


    him affectionately on the shoulder. Pushing down all he¡¯s making me feel and refusing to get mad or


    upset at this. I slide past behind him, signalling the end of this stressful conversation, to see what the


    girl at the bar is pping her hands at. She is waving at me erratically and distracting me, thankfully.


    Mico just lets me walk off with a lingering look of mild agitation and am relieved to let that topic go to


    bed.


    ¡®What is it?¡¯ I snap at her when I get close, leaning over the bar and look down to see blood sttered


    all over her skirt and shirt. I realise she¡¯s pping around a sliced finger and there¡¯s a smashed ss


    on the floor.


    ¡®For God¡¯s sake, stop that, put something on it and go see Mike at the back door. He is the first aider.¡¯ I


    tut at her and slide into the bar via the lift hatch on the counter to take over for a minute. Wiping down


    the blood she leaves behind with a cloth and disinfectant spray and chuck it in the sink for her to deal


    with.


    I take a few minutes to sweep up the ss and clean up her mess before she appears back beside me


    with a bandaged hand and a smile on her childish face.


    ¡®Mike¡¯s hot ¡­ I so would.¡¯ She blushes, assuming we have some girly camaraderie, and I ignore her as


    she heads back to the far end to serve someone who has staggered over. Disinterested in which men


    my staff would fuck in here.


    I let myself out the open end which leads to the hall and walk smack bang into the smug prick I have


    been avoiding all night.


    Just bloody great!


    Fuck my night!


    Not Alexi this time, but Tyler, as he makes his way to the restroom beside the kitchen. It¡¯s like being


    shocked with a taser and my blood runs cold as every part of my skin prickles with hatred. I exhale


    heavily.


    ¡®Well, well, look what the cat dragged in?¡¯ He slurs my way, obviously intoxicated and the stench of


    booze on his breath hits me in the face. He looks me up and down, blocking my escape and leans out


    in front of me with a hand on the wall, so I can¡¯t get past. Dressed like a typical street goon in a cheap


    suit and tie, a little step up from his usual attire but still ¡­ he looks like shit.


    I take a deep breath and try not to show him that every part of my body has hit the adrenaline shakes,


    and my mind is practically wing at me to get the hell away from him¡ªinstant ustrophobia. I stand


    taller, rest my hands across my chest as I cross them and do a good job of holding my own.


    ¡®Tyler.¡¯ I try for polite and lift my chin a little higher, refusing to be intimidated by this creep, even if he


    did try to kill me and dump me in the river. My time with him is long gone, he¡¯s nothingpared to


    Alexi in terms of torment. If I can handle Carrero, then Tyler is nothing but an irritating fly in my soup.


    ¡®Cami, Cami.¡¯ He slurs again, obviously a littlex on the booze, and he takes a long, slow, sleazy


    appraisal of me. Eye raping me disgustingly and let¡¯s his putrid eyeballs nestle on my tits for the


    longest time.


    ¡®Can I help you with something?¡¯ I try not to show my obvious hatred for the moron or the way my skin


    is crawling; Business tone on and a charming fake smile¡ªHostess under pressure.


    ¡®Check you, looking all Queen Carrero in his little kingdom. Never pegged you for the manager type.


    What did you do to win the big guy¡¯s favour? Bend over and take it anytime he wants it to get this job?


    Suck him off like the pro you are and wrap him around those little fingers, you devious bitch.¡¯ Heughs


    at his ownment, a snarly, almost creepy smile, and I just push down the urge to punch him in the


    throat. Obvious jealousy that someone he deemed fish food found a higher standing than him in his


    own world. That must bite like a bitch.


    ¡®ssy. Can see you have no concept of someone¡¯s usefulness.¡¯ I sigh heavily again and try to move


    past him to get away from this agonising conversation, but he blocks my way for a second time. Moving


    himself physically in front of me and halts my passing. I simmer my anger and try to just hold my shit


    together.


    ¡®I remember how useful you were ¡­ makes me get an ache in my pants. Baby, you look so very


    fuckable in this get up.¡¯ He breathes on my face, leaning forward, and I lean back away from it.


    Dodging booze stink and trying not to gag at both his shite on lines and the smell of the little rat.


    ¡®Fuck off Tyler, go have a wank somewhere that¡¯s not my club. No one needs to witness those levels of


    horror.¡¯ I try for a third attempt to get past him, but he blocks me again, bodily moving in right against


    me this time, running a grubby finger down my arm and I shrink away, pping at it.


    ¡®Don¡¯t touch me!¡¯ I warn, hackles rising as irritation moves to anger at the nerve of him. I hate that the


    creep still thinks he has a right to put a hand on me.


    ¡®Touch you? I used to have these pretty red lips wrapped around my dick anytime I wanted. I miss


    them, figured when Carrero tosses you in the trash we might make ourselves a new little arrangement.¡¯


    He runs his finger up over my lips and I recoil as though he has just burned me; Shoving his fingers


    away with so much rage swimming through me. Despising the very air he breathes.


    He literally makes my skin crawl and I step back, putting some space between us and cringe visibly.


    Nausea swirling up from both anxiety and the fact he is vile.


    ¡®Look, baby. I sucked your tiny little prick because I had no alternative to get what I needed. It was so


    bad; I think I might only eat girls for the rest of my life. You left me traumatised. Not even battery acid


    could remove the taste of your rotten shrimp from my mouth, for months.¡¯ I flutter myshes at him


    innocently, words steeped in venom, and that nasty snarl spreads across his face as fury ignites.


    ¡®Soon as he cuts you loose, you and I are going to y. Put you back where you belong. Your face in


    myp.¡¯ He grinds his teeth at me, obviously angered and losing his cool. The threat in the tone is


    genuine and he means every word.


    As much as I stand and smirk and act like I don¡¯t care, the rage inside of me is eating me up. I open my


    mouth to retort with a sassy put-down to show this little prick where his ce is, and then jump when


    Alexi¡¯s voice moves in behind me. My body freezes with the approach of body heat at my back and


    then strangely sags as soon as I know for sure it¡¯s him. I can sense it¡¯s him, even without his voice, and


    I physically rx. Not triggered with him behind me the way I normally am, because he signals safety.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    Tyler is in so much trouble now.

 Chapter 119

    Chapter 119


    I rx so fast it¡¯s unearthly and that sense of ¡®you did it this time, you idiot¡¯es over me as my face


    curls into a wicked grin aimed the slimy arseholes way.


    ¡®Tyler ¡­ Long-time no see.¡¯ That smooth fake charm in Alexi¡¯s voice that I know is concealing an evil


    reaction to seeing this smug arse harassing me. Everything Alexi is, he won¡¯t ever tolerate someone


    threatening me or insulting me; especially not in his club.


    He slides a hand around my waist gently, weingly for once, and moves me aside, so he can get


    past to the object of his focus. Sliding bodily as he brushes by me, and it instils in me aplete sense


    of calm¡ªAlexi in control and standing between me and the prick who was trying to ruin my night.


    I can¡¯t fault him when he sweeps in as my hero once again.


    ¡®Mr Carrero ¡­ just catching up with an old friend.¡¯ Tyler looks instantly nervous, knowing his ce in


    the hierarchy, and I can see the wheels and cogs turning in desperation. He¡¯s not sure if Alexi heard his


    foul behaviour or exactly what I am to the man, so he¡¯s worried he just pissed off one of the big boys


    and is about to get bitch pped. Alexi just walks right to him, unfazed by the show of submission as


    Tyler recoils a little, losing height and face as he turns into a scared little bunny.


    ¡®So I see ¡­ Your tie is uneven, can¡¯t have that, allow me.¡¯ Alexi slides his hands around Tyler¡¯s tie, his


    body blocking most of what he¡¯s doing from view of the rest of the club. He slowly takes hold of the


    fabric in a firm grasp with two hands and makes a show of fixing it and tightening a little upward. I


    watch withplete confusion at this strange manoeuvre, even for him, it¡¯s odd; Right until he tightens


    his hold and slides the knot right up to Tyler¡¯s throat, very severely, so he goes instantly bug-eyed and


    mouth gags at the shocked reaction. Tyler chokes and makes a weird gasping movement, but knows


    better than to raise his hands and try to cause a scene or fight back.


    Alexi makes it impossible to swallow or breathe and keeps a firm grip on the knot around his neck


    cruelly, the devil in him getting a kick for inflicting suffering. He is semi strangling him and moves in so


    he¡¯s nose to nose in the most intimidating of ways. My heart flutters as it dawns on me this was a


    nned nasty move, and he is very much my pissed off Rottweiler at the moment.


    ¡®That¡¯s better ¡­ Can¡¯t have you looking untidy. I mean, you do represent a dear friend of mine and you


    are his guest in my establishment.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice isced with over-friendly sarcasm and I can pick up


    the hints of crazy in that tone. Towering closely over Tyler, barely a hair¡¯s breadth from touching him


    and I move in too, nking him so he¡¯s concealed even more. Even I know you don¡¯t mess with another


    kingpin¡¯s sidekick; even if he does insult your hostess right here under your nose, and Alexi is making a


    bold move by pulling up his friend¡¯s minion like this. I shield him so he¡¯s hidden from view and nce


    around to make sure no one¡¯s looking. Jones is watching us, and he too moves to stand further back


    down the hall and hides us from the rest of the room by blocking the entrance, motioning one of his


    men toe stand beside him.


    I knew I liked him as head of security for a reason.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    ¡®Umm Mr ¡­ Um Carr ¡­ err ¡­ o¡¯ Tyler tries to get it out, obviously choking as his face turns puce and


    is helpless to fight back, gasping and trembling all over. Not that I would suggest it, because Alexi


    stands over him by a foot and outsizes him in every way. He would kick his butt right back to the hood


    without breaking a sweat.


    I can¡¯t help feeling a little smug as I watch this. Alexi¡¯s shoulder rounds slightly as he lowers himself


    down to the other man¡¯s height, and I move in as close as I dare to hide him from prying eyes. My


    handse to rest on his strong spine and muscr back so he knows I am nking him; Nervous


    that someone might spot this and alert Tyler¡¯s boss. I don¡¯t know what would happen to Alexi if they


    did, and even if I sometimes hate him, I don¡¯t want him hurt¡ªespecially not for protecting me.


    ¡®I don¡¯t ever want to see you near her again. Not a look, a breath or a fucking step in her direction.


    EVER! AGAIN! She is someone you should always respect, no matter where you see her. She¡¯s with


    me and always will be, and I am not someone you ever want to piss off. Not when ites to her. I


    lose all sense of reason. Do you understand me, Tyler?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s tone is low, the psycho intimidating way


    he has of talking that just turns blood to ice and kills any doubt that he might not be serious. His words


    have an impact on my thundering heart and I don¡¯t know what to make of them really.


    Tyler visibly pales, still gasping for breath as Alexi takes one long slow look at him and prolongs his


    feeling of death by asphyxiation. Everything around me tenses and I¡¯m not sure he won¡¯t actually let


    him suffocate if I¡¯m being honest. I begin to panic that maybe he will stand here choking him until that


    happens. I know it¡¯s within him to be that ruthless and cold.


    Tyler¡¯s hands start twitching as self-preservation fights to the top, body in panic mode because he has


    no air flow anymore, but Alexi just pats his cheek like he¡¯s a puppy and smiles before he finally lets him


    go. Adding anotheryer to threat and insult and making a point that Tyler is well beneath him.


    I think I let out a breath of relief as much as Tyler does.


    Tyler gasps and he immediately rushes to loosen his own tie frantically, taking a huge breath


    dramatically; Coughing, gasping, eyes popping out of his skull. It¡¯s pathetic, and tears fill his eyes as


    colour starts returning to normal on his skin. He¡¯s visibly shaken and struggling to regain some


    composure without making a further fool of himself.


    Alexi pats his shoulder coolly, in an over-friendly way, harshly enough that he knocks him over slightly


    and smooths down the little imp¡¯s jacket with a calm demeanour. No hints of the veiled psycho he just


    spat out at this man now.


    ¡®Nice suit ¡­ My driver has one just like it.¡¯ He smiles at him evilly, overkill of nice tone, another p on


    the shoulder that sends Tyler reeling sideways to scarper out of the way properly. Alexi towers over him


    by more than a head and makes him look like the weaselly little shithead he is.


    ¡®Yeah, thanks, Mr Carrero.¡¯ Tyler starts trying to get away by pressing himself to the wall and sliding


    past me, in a bid to keep distance and get away from Satan. There¡¯s real fear on that rancid face and I


    swell with a sense of good mood and smug satisfaction; warming a little to my dickhead hero for


    sometimes being aplete psycho. First time I guess I have seen the benefit of it. Well, maybe not


    the first.


    I can¡¯t help but smile genuinely at Alexi when he turns back to me, hands sliding away from him now


    the drama is over and letting all my tension follow Tyler back to where he came from. Alexi, however,


    seems momentarily uneasy and smiles back with a hint of strangeness in his expression¡ªUnreadable


    again.


    ¡®Don¡¯t take any shit from minions ¡­ You¡¯re a part of my empire. If he bothers you, tell Jackson to shoot


    him in the face.¡¯ I know it¡¯s a joke, maybe, but it¡¯s the way he says it which makes me giggle stupidly.


    Completely out of ce, and for a moment I forget that he¡¯s an evil subus that drains me of


    happiness at every turn and shake my head at him.


    ¡®I shall ¡­ With pleasure.¡¯ It¡¯s a genuine warm tone and a warmer smile from me. We do a weird silent


    look at one another, and then away type of thing, awkwardness stiflingly heavy between us suddenly. A


    strange tension in the air that crackles, and my insides loop de loop in response. It¡¯s hard to decipher


    the emotion in how he looks at me, before his face fallspletely serious and all ounces of softness


    disappear in the blink of an eye.


    ¡®Get back to work; I don¡¯t pay you to stand about.¡¯ He snaps it, almost angrily.


    Just like that, the bubble bursts and I remember that Alexi IS and always will be aplete wanker. I


    re at him in response to theplete U-turn in his mood.


    ¡®Charming ¡­ Go choke on your brtes,¡¯ I snap back and turn on my heel to walk away from him.


    Refusing to stand here and have another insult tossing battle when I am trying to remainposed as


    queen of the club. I don¡¯t need this right now.


    Scolded by the change and bruised that he just went from hero to idiot in under zero point five seconds.


    ¡®I will thanks.¡¯ Alexi throws back and walks off towards his little party once more. Oozing hostility and I


    just don¡¯t get why he had to turn back into a prick after a moment of genuine something between us.


    I know I am the one who threw the insult, but it bites when I watch him slide down into a seat and two


    girls immediately nk him to try their luck at pawing and wing him. I look away and shake my head,


    swallowing down the lump that hits my throat; Eyes instantly stinging with immediate tears, cutting my


    soul to pieces, and just try to not let him see that it still gets to me. The longer I am around him in this


    ce the more it bothers me, even though I shouldn¡¯t care. He can still hurt me so easily.


    I tell myself to turn around and look. One, to show him it doesn¡¯t get to me, and two, to show myself


    what a slut he is and remind myself why I should never fall for him again. Mentally strengthen my


    resolve to get over him once and for all.


    I turn slowly, cautiously, heart pounding through my chest and steel myself ready for the eye assault of


    him and his half-naked escorts. Knowing it is going to hurt.


    Except Alexi is women free, and two smack faced looking wenches are sulking and walking away from


    him moodily as though they just got their marching orders and I nch; Surprised, considering he is the


    one who asked for these hoes all night.


    I catch his eyes for a second, ncing at me, and we meet across the room. It¡¯s a long pause of


    intensity that makes me tingle all the way down to my toes and I swear, for a second, I see a flicker of


    mirrored pain in his expression. Alexi is the first to look away. He picks up his drink and then moves


    back to turn towards the man beside him and nks my presence.


    I pull myself back together, mentally shaking the stupid out of me that¡¯s trying to dissect what it meant.


    I need to stop torturing myself over this man, go back to walking the floor, and do my best to ignore him


    for the rest of the night. Otherwise, I will lose the hold I have over my sanity once more.

 Chapter 120

    Chapter 120


    I walk into the office where Alexi has been holed up for hours and rap on the door as I enter to get his


    attention. Dressed in another tight jersey dress today, this one is long sleeved and stretchy, ck to


    match my mood and broken up with a gold belt that matches my killer heel shoes. I¡¯m in sleek chic and


    not been in a very merry frame of mind all day. I feel like I have been tugging along a looming ck


    cloud everywhere I go sincest night, and I am just simmering with hostile energy.


    ¡®What is it?¡¯ He doesn¡¯t rip his eyes away from hisptop as he types, just keeps on with whatever he is


    doing, and I linger by the door. Mildly annoyed that he doesn¡¯t even give me a look to acknowledge me


    properly, seeing as this is the first I have seen him today. He has been holed up out of my way and


    sending moody vibes through the whole building from afar. It feels like everyone has been tiptoeing


    around, and I am pretty sure he is the cause. A look or a ¡®hey¡¯ would have been bloody polite, to say


    the least!


    He¡¯s in a white shirt opened at the neck, no tie, and from here I can¡¯t tell what trousers he has on but I


    assume they are grey, like the jacket he has hanging over the back of his chair with a tie peeking out


    the breast pocket. His sleeves are rolled up exposing all that delicious ck ink that I tear my eyes


    away from and just stare at the top of his head. He is radiating stressed and harassed today and it¡¯s


    almost deafening in the surrounding atmosphere; Perfect timing to aggravate him a lot then.


    ¡®I thought I better let you know that I am taking tomorrow off¡ªAll day¡ªI won¡¯t be down for the evening,


    but I have briefed my paleparison on her duties, and trust Jones to be my eyes for the night.¡¯ I


    answer ndly, sighing at my own heavy mood, weighed down today by some weird sullen emotions


    that have had me on the verge of tears multiple times over the stupidest crap today already; May as


    well share the joy with a deserving tosser.


    My statement certainly catches his attention and he lifts those stormy eyes, hinting at a more than a


    headache of a day with a strained expression on his face, to stare at me coldly.


    ¡®Why aren¡¯t you working it? We only openedst night!¡¯ There is definite annoyance in his tone but I just


    shrug nonchntly, giving not a care. Not in the mood for his shit after leaving me coldst night. He


    was aplete nk arsehole after the Tyler incident and avoided me for the duration, before slinking


    off to bed before the doors closed. He was up before me this morning too, so we missed each other


    completely. If I didn¡¯t know better I would think he was avoiding me.


    ¡®I¡¯m just not. I need a day to myself and you¡¯re not staying upstairs either. I want to be left in peace.¡¯ I


    point out and raise a brow as if to dare him to challenge me on this. It is one day a year I don¡¯t like


    people near me.


    ¡®Why? What¡¯s so special about it?¡¯ Alexi the bloodhound, sniffing on a tiny bit of Intel, and being


    typically nosy and controlling. I should have known this would turn into the Spanish Inquisition. My


    irritation rises up inside hotly and I push down the urge to just turn and walk off.


    ¡®It¡¯s a need to know, and you don¡¯t. I¡¯m off for an hour to get my nails touched up. I broke onest night


    opening an overly secure Whisky bottle.¡¯ I automatically nce at my broken tip and turn to go,


    dismissing him airily with a quick empty smile. Not about to defend my decision.


    ¡®You can¡¯t have the day off if you don¡¯t tell me what it¡¯s for,¡¯ he snaps, halting me in my tracks, and my


    skin bristles all over as that annoyance turns to simmering bad mood.


    Fuck¡¯s sake.


    ¡®Maybe I have a date.¡¯ I throw him a poisonous smirk, and he just immediately tenses all over. Hisrge


    shoulders the most noticeable visually and that deep sense of smug cools my jets a little.


    Poke, poke, poke, little bear.


    ¡®Then no ¡­ You¡¯re working.¡¯ Closed off, cold tone and eyes back on his screen like he¡¯s dismissing me


    with no further conversation. I know it¡¯s because he thinks it¡¯s about seeing another man¡ªhe¡¯s so


    transparent and it¡¯s almost bloodyughable.


    ¡®Partner ¡­ Not boss. I don¡¯t even need to tell you, but I was being polite. It was not a request but


    merely an announcement.¡¯ I answer him calmly, equally cool toned with hints of stubborn inteced.


    Digging my heels in, frowning at him, and not about to take any of his nonsense. He can¡¯t tell me what


    to do anymore and he needs reminding constantly of that.


    Alexi taps his thumb on the table beside his keyboard, his little tell when he¡¯s simmering or trying to


    think up a way to handle the current situation. It¡¯s satisfying to watch him squirm anyway, and I rest


    back against the door frame casually to see how much more I can prod and push him before I go. It¡¯s


    the only fun I may get today.


    ¡®You think ditching work to go fuck about is professional? Men over money? Maybe I hired the wrong


    girl and had a higher opinion of you than I should have!¡¯ It¡¯s an insult and a way to get me to bite, and


    despite knowing this, it really gets under my skin more than I should let it. I know he pulls this stuff out


    for a reaction and his words are his biggest weapon. I know he only uses what he knows will wound to


    truly piss you off to the maximum, but still. I bloody snap. No one cares more about this club than me.


    How fucking dare he!


    ¡®It¡¯s my birthday!!!! ¡­ I like to spend it locked away from the world and curse out the bitch who blessed


    me with life. OKAY? Not a fucking date.¡¯ I retort angrily, nerve endings tingling with my fiery anger,


    falling for his BS and giving him the info he was angling for, but I am not working on the one day a year


    I allow myself to sit in a dark depression and hate myself for ever being born.


    Alexi just looks at me silently for a long, infuriatingly unreadable moment,pletely devoid of human


    emotion.


    ¡®Fine ¡­ Get Joanne to cover you. ¡¯ He dismisses everything in his previous tone, with disinterest now


    that he has the answer, and it makes me want to choke him all the more; Manipting shit head.


    ¡®That was the n before you decided to be an arse about it,¡¯ I snap childishly, and he just sighs at me.


    All his bad mood taking a turn and he puts on a reasonable face.


    ¡®I understand the birthday thing ¡­ it¡¯s just another day. Wish Gino would catch on to that and give it a


    rest.¡¯ He seems pensive for a moment, and even though I am getting vibes of serious and could


    probably dig for info on why he feels that way about his, smart mouth wins over. He has me riled in an


    already crappy mood and I am juvenile for shits and giggles.


    ¡®Is it because you have to share and it¡¯s not all about Alexi?¡¯ I droll sarcastically, eyes all intent on


    looking smart arse and I raise a haughty brow.


    Alexi¡¯s natural growly face falls immediately, followed by a fed-up sigh that instantly makes me feel a


    tiny bit remorseful. I don¡¯t get why he always makes me feel thisbative, he just does. He shakes


    his head and goes back to his screen with that tell-tale sulky boy attitude and wounded expression that


    gets me right in the chest. Something in his demeanour that gnaws at me, tugs right at my heart strings


    for a moment and I hate that he makes me feel this way.


    ¡®There¡¯s no man ¡­ There never was. You are more than enough male in one lifetime to be dealing


    with, Carrero. I haven¡¯t got the stamina to put up with drama from any other arseholes in my life. Have


    a nice day.¡¯ I roll my eyes at my own dumb weakness and turn on my heel to walk away, not waiting for


    retaliation or even a reaction, and feelingpletely stupid for telling him the truth and losing that tiny


    annoyance in his day. It¡¯s such a dumb move and no doubt one I will regretter.


    I don¡¯t know why I am all soft and caring about his mood after he¡¯s been an ignorant prick but here it is.


    Alexi¡¯s getting into my head and messing me up without even trying. I am obviously just having a very


    off day and should go back to bed.


    Jackson is waiting patiently outside the door for me and I slide my arm into his as I meet up with him,


    instant calm and soothing warmth to pick me up out of my dark hovel and set me up for a brighter day


    ahead.


    This past couple of weeks I have grown a little fond of my gentle giant, and much like I summarised


    from the start ¡­ he¡¯s like a loyal puppy dog who will happily bounce along for a little affection. I don¡¯t


    have to flirt or make eyes at him. I just have to be nice, treat him with respect, and he is more than


    willing to oblige.


    Alexi would probably hate how easily I have wrapped him around my little finger, but I feel safe with


    Jackson. He¡¯s a sort of big bear protector with a heart.


    ¡®Nail salon, Miss Cami? He smiles my way, his use of the title and name is just part of his charm, and


    he has called me it from day one. I like it, makes me feel like a very preciousdy.


    ¡®Yes, then we can stop off for that sorbet you like on the way back. I fancy something to cool me down


    in today¡¯s heat.¡¯ I smile widely at that little dimpled face of his and resist the urge to poke him in his


    pudgy cheek. Alexi would have a shit fit if he knew one of his deadly henchmen was my adorablep


    dog.


    He gets that excited look that would trante to a wagging tail and I can¡¯t help the little warm fuzzy


    feeling it gives me to put a smile on his face. He¡¯s been my sort of stand-in Mico when they were


    absent, and I would dare to say, I would be sad not to see Jackson in my day now that I am used to


    him being my shadow. He¡¯s not the brightest of men, but fiercely loyal to his wife and loves nothing


    more than talking all about how much he adores her and his family.


    I am starting to realise that Carrero men break the mould, and I just wonder where it all went wrong


    with Alexi.


    I am also aware how the girl who always kept people at arm¡¯s length, and never trusted any man, has


    now got rather warm affection for at least two Carrero men and a debatable something for their angry


    master.This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    * * *


    I wake up on the morning of my birthday in a pre-decided crappy mood. It started before I got into bed,


    and although I shouldn¡¯t put so much emphasis on one shitty day a year, I can¡¯t help it. It¡¯s not just my


    birthday, it¡¯s the day she let that bastard do what he did to me and changed my entire life. That fateful


    day aged eleven years old, that day my mother really lost her right to call herself that, once and for all.


    So I am in no mood to really celebrate the anniversary of the death of my innocence in any way, shape


    or form. It¡¯s a bad memory from a dark ce and one I wish would just bypass without my knowledge.


    I get up and head straight for the shower so as not to ponder on it, dragging my arse in that same


    crappy frame of mind from yesterday, already overshadowed with my own cloud of doom and gloom. I


    have ns to keep myself upied all day¡ªShower, food, take my time getting ready, then I have a


    couple of hours to vegetate in front of a shitty bunch of soppy films and drink my sorrows out till lunch. I


    might go do some retail therapy if I want to go out, but basically, I want a day of nothing but me time;


    Sad time to get it out of my system and then get through until tomorrow, to ignore it all again for another


    year.


    I take forever in the shower. It¡¯s around ten a.m. as I tried to sleep aste as I could, but my body kept


    waking me. At one point I could have sworn I smelled Alexi¡¯s aftershave but that¡¯s ridiculous. He didn¡¯t


    even stay herest night at all, and it was early hours of the morning at a time the club was shut. He


    left around eight and never came back to the club, so it couldn¡¯t have been him up here for anything. I


    came to bed myself before midnight, in a bid to be done with this day before it even began, and left


    Joanne to watch the floor seeing as that¡¯s what she is there for.


    I wrap myself in a robe and pad out to my room to get dried and dressed, opting for sweats and a t-shirt


    today. I¡¯ll changeter if I decide to go out, but for now, I want a break from being Cami. I just want to


    be no one¡ªa kid who never had to worry about her appearance or her manners or her persona. Just a


    little girl who used to love climbing trees and watching the world go by.


    I used to pretend I was an invisible ghost, high up in my ce among the leaves where nothing could


    touch me or see me, and I want to go back to that feeling for the next twelve hours ¡­ disappearing for


    a day with no one expecting anything from her.


    I used to be so fearless of the heights I would climb to. It was my escape for when my mother was on a


    comedown and rattling from withdrawals, or when Rick was looking for me.


    I stopped climbing those trees after I turned eleven.


    I wander into the living room, feeling sombre, my head trying to blot out the things it wants to think


    about, but my mood is that of fatigue and emotional exhaustion. This always happens on this day. My


    brain is unable to shut it off or think about anything else, but at the same time swirls round and round


    combatting the memories, so I don¡¯t let them seep in and drag me into tearful despair. She is always in


    the forefront as I strike off another year, whether I want to see her in my mind¡¯s eye or not¡ªlike a bad


    smell that lingers.


    Did I love my mother?


    I think in some ways I did once, a long time ago. That desperate sad child who just longed for her own


    mother¡¯s approval and affection because she never gave it to me. I know there must be some kind of


    syndrome name for a stupid loyal attachment to someone who continually abuses you, and no doubt


    most would point it at how I feel about Alexi and shake their head in disappointment.


    She hit me and cursed me out as far back as I can remember. The first memory I have of her really, is


    standing in a soiled nappy, holding a dirty nket asfort and feeling cold. I don¡¯t even remember


    what age I was, only that my stomach hurt and I was sobbing and reaching for her in so much despair. I


    walked across the bare wooden floor of what I assume was the t we spent our lives in and I


    remember saying ¡®Mummy, Mummy¡¯ and just wanting some sort of human affection. The bitch kicked


    me halfway across that room and told me to shut the fuck up.


    That is how I remember my mother.


    Always quick to violence, always quick to push me away, always quick to destroy me in any way she


    could. Her scars on me are not physical ¡­ but they are here, always on me like dirty marks. She set


    the tone for myck of self-worth.

 Chapter 121

    Chapter 121


    I had no one else though, and despite everything she did to me, I would still clean her up when she


    wasid passed out on the floor and covered in sick. I would put her to bed and try to clean our shitty


    rooms in a bid to please her. I would beg for money and food to take care of us. Even after that day, I


    still used my own wiles and skill to make sure our house had heat and food, and I never let her starve.


    She didn¡¯t provide for us, she justid around wasted.


    I watched her when she was out of her face on a high, and I bathed her when she hit the sweats, shits,


    shakes and convulsions of withdrawal. I did my duty, and slowly over the years, all I felt for her


    disappeared along with her health and it became a burden instead. She taught me how to resent.


    I didn¡¯t have a childhood, I didn¡¯t know what it was like to know affection or love, so even now I find it


    hard to give or receive that elusive emotion in a healthy way. Mico and Jackson are slowly changing


    that.


    Alexi was another story.


    Alexi taught me I could feel, but he never showed me how to love. He showed me how to be weak and


    let another human destroy you when you lower your guard in any way. How much more you can rip a


    person apart when you use their heart and mind as the weapon and not their body. Alexi maybe made


    me fall in love with him, but he never showed me what it was to be loved¡ªnot really. I still don¡¯t know


    what that feels like.


    That night I convinced myself was more than sex, I now see was nothing. He was ying me, and I fell


    for it hook line and sinker. So desperate to just mean something to him while he broke my heart in two.


    I don¡¯t know if he can really love, or if he¡¯s just a dark soul with no empathy for what he does to anyone.


    Glimpses of him with his family show someone who can care when blood is the tie, but I don¡¯t know if


    that¡¯s an ingrained rule in his moral code, set by his upbringing; to respect and keep family close. I


    never actually saw any real affection that would tell me Alexi has any depth to how he can feel, even


    for them. I saw him ying the part of brother, cousin and human, but then he turned around and beat


    a man half to death without hesitation.


    He seems to care for Gino, yet he hit him and almost killed him in their teens¡ªHis own twin¡ªThe other


    half of him. If that doesn¡¯t tell me that his ability to really love is questionable then I don¡¯t know what is. I


    just have to ept that Alexi Carrero is broken on a very deep level and I never stood a chance with


    him.


    I seem to be someone who is drawn to these broken abusers and try everything to gain some sort of


    emotion from them. So lonely and pining for someone to care deeply. Alexi, my mother¡ªboth had my


    heart and devotion and both kicked me across the room as though I was worthless.


    I bypass the couches, head caught elsewhere, and go straight to the kitchte to put the kettle on


    and make myself a cup of tea. Filling it and switching it on and then absentmindedly getting my cup


    ready. The cleaner who takes care of this ce unpacked some groceries for us yesterday and I have


    a rummage to see what is here, but nothing really grabs my attention. I¡¯m in the mood for some self-


    indulgent food,fort eating, and Alexi, the king of healthy, has a disappointing weekly order of great


    organic and bnced meals in there, as per usual. The guy is a walking fitness regime.


    I really need to call up the shop he orders from and jig the food lists. It¡¯s not that they send us the same


    boring stuff week in and out; it¡¯s a varied gourmet n of meals and such. It¡¯s just there¡¯s no chocte


    or cake, and never anything like crisps and biscuits. Although cookies and chips, as they call them


    here, are something I have never seen him eat. I cannot imagine him sitting on the couch to pig out on


    junk food while watching a movie. I don¡¯t think he watches TV at all; I have never seen him do it. In fact,


    I have never seen him rx like a normal human in any way and I don¡¯t even know what he does to


    rx, if at all ¡­ well apart from sex. I guess that for him is time for himself; an activity that chills him


    out. It has to be, it¡¯s the only thing he does that puts a smile on his face.


    I live here now, this is my apartment, and it¡¯s time I took over the food he has sent here and the million


    and one bottles of water of every vour instead of wine. I need wine right now, lots of it¡ªred and


    expensive and inrge quantities.


    I make my tea, throw my damp hair back off my face and turn to go sit on the couch when something


    catches my eye on the central coffee table. A colourful rectangr package and a cupcake in a stic


    see through box drawing me like a singing choir in a quiet room. I blink a couple of times, sure I¡¯m


    imagining it, and approach with caution, convinced they are some sort of wishful thinking mirage.


    The cupcake is chocte, richly dark and almost twice the size of a normal one. It seems to have


    decorations stabbed into its surface, in blue, white, and red. I move closer, intrigued and can¡¯t help the


    little giggle that erupts when I see from my new angle that they are actually little British gs and


    sprinkles to match; Horribly London themed in the most amusing way.


    The package is a long, small rectangle, but the wrapping paper has bright red London buses all over it


    and there is no denying these are for me. I am the only Brit in Alexi¡¯s club after all.


    Problem being ¡­ who are they from?


    Only one person in this building ever locks onto the London thing and makes my Englishness a point of


    disdain. I stare at the gifts for a long moment, torn over whether he would or wouldn¡¯t, holding my


    breath as intrigue eats at me and it dawns on me ¡­ He is the only person I told that it was my birthday,


    so that limits my options on who these are from. My heart flutters and flips over multiple times as this


    settles in and I second guess the likelihood.


    He wouldn¡¯t have then told Mico or anyone else; considering he said he understood the whole ¡®no


    birthday celebration¡¯ thing. And well, he wouldn¡¯t deem it worthy or important anyway. My birthday is a


    nothing day to him. I thought it was anyway ¡­ but then there are gifts.


    These have to be from Alexi, although I don¡¯t get why he would even bother, and I prod the packet


    suspiciously. Sure there has to be a devious reason behind them, and it¡¯s probably some hurtful


    present to get at me. He doesn¡¯t do gifts, from what I have seen, and this just confuses me immensely.


    There has to be some sort of ulterior back stabby, get at me insult in this.


    My nerves peek up, stomach churning with unease, and my anxiety swirls in my suspicious brain as I


    ponder them for a long minute and finally relent. I open the cupcake first and it instantly smells divine.


    Dipping my finger into the icing and almost die with the explosion of pleasure in my mouth as I suck it


    off; Rich chocte vani with a hint of pistachio that is melt in your mouth heaven. My tongue erupts


    with vour fireworks.


    I know where this is from ¡­ that butter icing is a familiar treat andpletely unique to that one


    bakery. My favourite cupcake bar, four blocks away and I can¡¯t believe he knew to even get me one


    from there, or that this is my long-standing regr vour choice. The only person who knows about


    this weakness is Jackson, who takes me there a couple times a week for my sugar craving. So it has to


    be a coincidence. He obviously just got local for convenience and assumed all women love the triple


    chocte and vani supreme with pistachio icing. He couldn¡¯t know it¡¯s what I order almost every


    time, or that I have been pleading with them to create supersized for ages. One cake is never enough


    and two are too much, this is somewhere in between and perfection personified.


    It¡¯s too good to gorge while distracted, so I push it aside while focusing on the other packet that has my


    curiosity going haywire. I pull the little parcel towards me, turning it cautiously and trying to figure out


    what it is. My brain is fully on this now, and I am so zoned on the distraction I realise I am feeling a little


    different. Sombre mood is on the up thanks to a cake, and even though I know this gift will probably


    sober me in some sort of pissed off way, I am enjoying the fact I now have cake. My insides are bubbly


    and cheerful and my heavy, achy thundercloud is looking a whole lot whiter and fluffy.


    I carefully lift it and shake it to see if I can figure out what it is and get a soft noise of something moving


    around faintly, turning it over to inspect the overly neat and clearly professionally wrapped item. Quaint


    buses and tiny little Union Jacks ring me in the face and I envision Alexi for a moment calling me


    ¡®London¡¯ and smile strangely, a swelling feeling in my chest.


    Screw it.


    I rip into it and throw caution to the wind, revealing a long ck velvet rectangle that looks rmingly


    like a jewellery box. Gasping in genuine surprise and I drop the paper on the table, taking a deep


    breath before clicking it open. I pause in shock as a very delicate chain bracelet stares back at me,


    shining in bright silver where it¡¯s daintily nestled¡ªtwo small charms on one end, and yet, overall, it¡¯s


    simple and ssy.


    This has to be a mistake.


    I turn over the little metal charms impulsively and that feeling of disbelief hits me in the stomach all over


    again. My insides somersaulting and emotion chokes me with a lump in the throat, eyes misting over.


    One has a diamond set in the centre of a little metal heart shaped te, it looks real anyway. I know my


    diamonds and I doubt Alexi is the type to buy a fake when he goes to the effort of buying a gift at all.


    It¡¯s a small pretty charm that just sparkles when it moves.


    The other charm is the one that gets me the most though and I pale as I stare at the tiny little metal


    circle, stamped with the image of a dandelion head that¡¯s as clear as day. Embossed into the silver and


    filled in with a darker almost ck iy so it pops out beautifully.


    Why would he choose this?


    I never told him my sentiment about the dandelions, or how I used to think I could fly free on the wind


    as though I were one. It was a childish idea written in some long-lost journals from my childhood that I


    left behind in Ennd. I never told anyone of the importance to the tattoo on my hip. My ramblings of a


    broken girl who tried to get that mess out of her head were abandoned under a floorboard in a derelict


    building I left behind. I never wanted to see those tatty notebooks again.


    That¡¯s when it hits me¡ªmy tattoo!


    It¡¯s hardly hidden on my hip.


    Alexi has seen me naked more than once, he never questioned it even though he saw it; maybe, he


    just assumes I like them. I mean I have one tattooed on my body after all. I guess it¡¯s just an


    assumption that a girl would have that because she is fond of them. He notices these things, obviously


    an easy gift for him that didn¡¯t require much thought.


    I sigh and swallow down the sense of anxiety and panic that seeing this gave me and return to


    complete confusion, mind scrambled and emotions torn as I sit here and stare at this piece of very


    pretty jewellery.


    There¡¯s no obvious message in this gift. No digs at me or anything untoward. It seems like a thoughtful


    present on the surface and I pick it out to examine it while trying to figure out why he would even


    bother.


    Its dainty, pure silver stamped with a mark to prove it, and so very gorgeous; just my style. The box is


    from a well-known jewellery store, known for its one-off pieces and extortionate price tag. Alexi must


    have paid a packet for something I am passing off as veiled insults.


    I always tend to pick silver jewellery for myself, as gold looks odd on me. Cool toned skin suits cool


    toned metals when ites to wearing them against naked areas. He obviously noticed.


    If I were to choose something for myself then it would be exactly this, even though I have a love-hate


    rtionship with my dandelion tattoo, but then that¡¯s hardly a surprise considering we share simr


    taste. We managed to put together this whole club without argument on any design aspect, so I guess


    we just have an eye for the same kind of things.


    It¡¯s beautiful and despite myself, I put it on my wrist.


    If I can just forget who it came from then maybe I can appreciate how much I like it.


    I should give it back to him and keep things as they are. Business like, with a lot of mistrust and


    distance.


    I sit back and hold my arm up, watching it sit there delicately and exhale long and slowly, blowing out of


    my mouth as though I have no clue how to behave. I don¡¯t know what to think and even though


    common sense says put it back in the box and leave it here, I like it more and more the longer I look at


    it. He certainly pulled the rug out from under me with this, and I can¡¯t settle until I know why or what he


    hoped to achieve with it.


    So much for birthdays being a day we can just bypass. He doesn¡¯t celebrate his but buys me


    something for mine? This would have taken some effort on his part to get this and leave it here, since I


    spoke to him yesterday afternoon, and now exins how I remember the smell of his aftershave in the


    apartment. He obviously came up here himself to leave it.


    Not really the Alexi I know at all. Sneaking in, leaving this and leaving me be as I asked.


    Just when I think I have a handle on what a douche bag he is, he does something to knock me over


    and set my brain on another messed up path to confusion. I can¡¯t help but think this is a gamey at


    trying to get back in my favour. I¡¯m too resistant and the kiss at the club showed him I am no longer


    easy to seduce.


    Isn¡¯t this what he does? ¡­ Pulls back andes in gently with a new arsenal when things are not


    ying his way; hitting me from an innocent angle to soften me up before he strikes?


    I don¡¯t know anymore.


    I pick up the cake and take a bite, distracted, still glued to my wrist in thought, and yet I just can¡¯t seem


    to take it off.


    Fuck it.


    This content ? 2024 N?velDrama.Org.


    I like it, and he obviously spent money on it, so whatever his intentions were, I am keeping it. It only


    bes something to use against me if I let him, and it¡¯s no different to maxing his credit card on a


    shopping spree. Let him spend money on me if he thinks it¡¯s going to get him somewhere¡ªit won¡¯t. I


    know him better than he thinks, and I am done looking for hints of good in him.


    Once bitten twice shy. Or in my case, I have been mauled to death by him and have no intention of


    letting him get a sniff near me again.

 Chapter 122

    Chapter 122


    Weirdly, my day isn¡¯t as bad as every previous year.


    I find myself watching movies and eating cake without really pondering anything of the past and


    anytime I catch sight of my new pretty, it makes me feel kind of strange. I have no idea why. I mean, I


    love jewellery as much as the next girl, but I have never been particrly attached to any I ever owned.


    This one little bracelet is fast forming some strange attachment to my heartstrings so that anytime I


    catch a glimpse, I smile. Stupid little inward bubbles I cannot exin.


    Maybe it¡¯s because in all the twenty-nine birthdays I have had, this is the first one someone bought me


    a gift; Even if it was from him. It¡¯s a strange feeling to think of it that way, yet it has somehow distracted


    me from the usual routine of tears and low mood and lying in a depressive state. The dandelion


    reference got me thinking and maybe I¡¯m not done with it yet.


    My tattoo had a meaning once, and despite the road I have travelled, I¡¯m here. Safe and protected,


    earning wages and doing something I can have pride in. No one touches me in ways that I don¡¯t want


    to be touched anymore, not even Alexi, and I¡¯m no longer surviving on street smarts and wiles to get


    by. I¡¯m no longer stressing about where the next lot of money ising from or dealing with the likes of


    Tyler, sex, and drug distribution. My body is my own for the first time in a long time.


    I may not have risen in any spectacr way or be someone normal people would aspire to be


    like, but that dirty little child from the streets of Hackney, who was always hungry and cold and fearful of


    the men who would creep into her room. She¡¯s safe ¡­ she¡¯s warm ¡­ she¡¯s fed, and even though Alexi


    is a tosser of epic proportions, I know he won¡¯t let anyone hurt me. In his own weird fucked up way,


    he¡¯s always been my protector when ites to the outside world.


    That night in the club, he saw a man with his hands on me and I don¡¯t know what his motives were


    really. Be it that he thought he was hurting me or simply that I chose another man after refusing him,


    the fact remains, Alexi will always protect me no matter what is happening between us. He could have


    hurt me, or punished me, but he didn¡¯t. He turned on someone who was touching me, even if it was


    misguided. I don¡¯t forgive him for his behaviour, but I am not as mad as I was.


    In fact, since I havee back, he hasn¡¯t tried to punish me at all. Controlling me is not high on his list


    of priorities anymore either and I wonder if my novelty wore off. If it was no fun after he broke me, and


    he¡¯s victimising some other poor girl somewhere else. I don¡¯t even want to think about that and as


    fucked up as it sounds ¡­ the thought gives me a jealous pang of agony low down in my gut; Hating


    some imaginary girl who may not exist, for starring in his sadistic games and monopolising his


    attentions.


    What the hell is wrong with me?


    I guess I can live with the fact that I owe him something ¡­ even if it annoys me. He didn¡¯t need to bring


    me back here and he didn¡¯t need to give me half the club either. I still don¡¯t understand why he gave up


    fifty percent so easily and I will probably never get an answer that is honest.


    He¡¯s aplete enigma to me sometimes and if I could just have a little tiny clue as to how his thought


    process works then that would be grand.


    I know I should probably thank him for the gifts but a part of me still doesn¡¯t trust that I wouldn¡¯t be


    ying into his hands. I mean, I¡¯m grateful and I do love them, it¡¯s just ¡­ there has to be a reason.


    He always has a n.


    On the upside, I have been so preupied with his reasoning that half the day has gone by with my


    head on that instead of more depressing things. I guess I owe him for that, even if it wasn¡¯t his intention


    at all, and I now feel restless and bored instead of close to putting my head in the oven and I¡¯m itching


    to go buy a dress that my bracelet will look pretty with.


    I¡¯m a shopaholic. It¡¯s a problem.


    I thinking from nothing and having to scrape all I had to be able to afford nice things made me this


    way. I have a serious addiction to owning material things because I never had any growing up. I guess I


    have my mother¡¯s addictive personality but seeing as it manifests in buying clothes and shoes I am


    happy to indulge it. A lot healthier than the crap she would inject into her body or pour down her throat,


    and I would never hand over a child to pay for a new Birkin bag or thetest Versace outfit. I like nice


    things around me ¡­ whereas she liked to live on another and disconnect from the reality of the


    world.


    I¡¯m also hungering for real food after that cake and nothing in the refrigerator is screaming to be eaten.


    It¡¯s all too healthy and wholesome for me today and I have a craving for takeout, or greasy and spicy


    andpletely not good for you, food.


    I get up and head to the bedroom to throw on a face and some clothes, aware that I feel better than I


    expected, and I wonder if my new circumstances and more positive outlook on life concerning my


    current state of affairs have really been at the root of my different attitude to today.


    I am a year older, a year wiser and a year further away from the worst kind of beginning. Maybe I am


    finally learning how to let that go. Stop looking back and starting to look ahead.


    Jackson is hovering by the door looking awkward, seeing as I have been in the lingerie department for


    the best part of an hour, and it¡¯s obvious he doesn¡¯t normally go knicker shopping with his wife. I told


    him not toe with me, I was quite happy to have a day going solo, but he got one sniff of me in the


    lobby and that was it. With Alexi in the building, there was no way he was going to let me wander off


    without an escort.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    He¡¯s my shadow for the day and as much as I told myself I needed solitude, he¡¯s been pretty good


    company; Carrying bags, making jokes, being a sunny personality in my outing. He doesn¡¯t know that


    today is any different to any other day, or so I assume. Although a couple times he has looked at me


    like he wants to say something, and he is being way more amenable than normal. I mean, usually, by


    now he would be looking fed up with my hours of retail therapy, instead of standing guard by the door


    with a perma-smile on his face as though he is having the best time ever.


    ¡®I won¡¯t be long,¡¯ I call over to him, and the shop assistant milling nearby looks to me, then him with a


    strange look. She¡¯s trying to summarise if he is a weird husband who has a serious avoidance of sexy


    underwear or if I¡¯m some sort of celeb with a bodyguard. Jackson does have that aura of security and


    the trademark ck suit and doorman jacket is a massive giveaway. He¡¯s just missing the earpiece


    today to finish off the bodyguard kit.


    The reality is I¡¯m nobody, with an overbearing Alexi who won¡¯t let me out of Carrero sight for even a


    shopping trip. Santagato has been at the club since that day and he hasn¡¯t given me a second nce,


    so I am not sure if he is still a threat anymore. I guess probably because the hostility between Alexi and


    me is pretty obvious to anyone capable of watching us for more than five minutes. Santagato can¡¯t miss


    the fact we are not exactly cuddling up all cosy, and maybe has deemed me unworthy of interest. I


    don¡¯t want to ask Alexi about it in case it just gives me a reason to feel unsettled.


    I wave the girl over and hand her my armful of purchases, tired of picking out sexy underwear that no


    man is ever going to see, and yet I still want it all. Looking good for myself is one of the few high points


    in my day. I follow her to the desk to get them rung up.


    * * *


    Outside on the street, Jackson toddles ahead to put the bags in the boot of our car, and the smell of a


    hot dog vendor further along the pavement catches me. I haven¡¯t had a street dog in so long and the


    smell makes me instantly crave what I cannot see, waving to Jackson that I¡¯m heading left and he


    quickly rushes to throw the bags in and follows me at speed.


    It¡¯s not often I walk around the streets on a shopping trip; we normally head for my favourite stores, and


    he¡¯s very good at car to door transport when Wes is with us and can deposit and collect us without


    parking issues.


    Jackson spies the hot dog vendor too and gets that same face he gets when we visit the sorbet shop.


    Wide-eyed childish excitement and I can practically see him salivating. The guy likes to eat and despite


    great DNA he is a lot more padded around the midriff than his cousins. Family resemnce is strong,


    but Jackson is just a lot cuddlier than most of the hard-bodied people in his family. I am guessing by the


    fact he practically lives at the club he has never been to a gym in his life, and has a serious affliction to


    junk food, is probably why.


    My kind of buddy.


    Mico and Alexi are definitely gym besties, I have seen the two of theme swaggering in with


    holdalls and sports towels, smelling of shower wash and looking decidedly slimmer. It¡¯s a ritualistic


    thing with them and I can¡¯t say I amining. Alexi has a body that melts women¡¯s clothes off and I


    enjoy the eye-candy even if he is aplete nightmare sometimes.


    ¡®All the trimmings!¡¯ Jackson is ahead of me already and gives me a questioning look as he turns for my


    order.


    ¡®Same?¡¯


    I nod in answer and move off to browse the tourist stall next to the hot dog stand, while Jackson chats


    away to the street vendor as he makes us two fully loaded dogs piled with onions and relish and extra


    mustard. The smells have me drooling too, but I don¡¯t like standing over the steaming cart and stinking


    out my hair with smoked dogs. I keep my distance and spin the nearby disy tower to amuse myself


    while we wait.


    Distracted by lots of garish tourist tat on show, stic Statues of liberty, foam hats and oversized


    sunsses, I turn the little turnstile and catch sight of something that makes me instantly giggle¡ª


    Ridiculously so. A smile stering across my face and brightening up my mood tremendously.


    It¡¯s a pair of men¡¯s socks, white, crisp and longish with a ck silhouette of the New York¡¯s skyline


    around the base. Right above there¡¯s a little ck crown and the text in bold capitals ¡®Kingpin of New


    York¡¯ around the ankle area.


    I don¡¯t know why I find this absolutely hrious and Alexies to mind, but I do andugh so hard on


    seeing them that tearse to my eyes and blur my vision instantly; A bubbling and fizzing swirl of


    inner amusement as I lose the ability to stand still and end up bending to stop myself getting a stitch


    from too many hysterics. I couldn¡¯t even imagine him wearing these but the thought of it is hrious.


    ¡®You okay?¡¯ Jackson looks me over and the only exnation I can have for myplete overreaction


    is my fragile emotional state today, but then I get a visual of Alexi wearing nothing but these socks and


    I start hyperventting with hysteria so intense it only makes my sides hurt more. Crushing ache in my


    ribs and my stomach cramps up with the effort of exertion. Laughing so much I start choking on thin air.


    ¡®Are you okay? Really?¡¯ Jackson is by me in a sh, patting my back and trying to get out of me what is


    so funny. All I can do is point at the ridiculous socks andugh more, on the verge of dying because I


    cannot stop long enough to take a proper breath and my chest is caving in on me too. Tears run down


    my cheeks and that damn image of a naked ¡®Sexy Alexi¡¯ and these damn ugly socks is killing me.


    Jackson doesn¡¯t get it, which only makes me feel dumber, this thing funnier, and I cryugh in pain


    because it¡¯s given me about five stitches now. I don¡¯tugh like this very often and I think my body is


    having an all-out stroke from the experience.


    ¡®You like those?¡¯ He asks warily, handing me napkins for my runny face as I try to calm down and catch


    my breath, but all I can get out is ¡­


    ¡®¡­. For ¡­ Alex ¡­ eee ¡­¡¯ and I set off again. Giggle overload, and Jackson startsughing at me


    because I must look so ridiculous. It feels so good tough this way and yet also extremely sore.


    Jackson sees the funny side when he picks up a pair, examines them a bit more closely, and grins. He


    shakes his head and hands me them as though that¡¯s what he thinks I want.


    ¡®I think he might suit them.¡¯ He winks cheekily and I finally start gasping in air to stop myself before he


    sets me off again, clutching my sides and straightening up to pull myself together.

 Chapter 123

    Chapter 123


    Seeing them closer sets me off once more and I¡¯m done for;ughing harder while I fish around in my


    purse and wave money at Jackson as if to motion that I need these.


    I can¡¯t wait to see Alexi¡¯s face when I hand these over as a thank you for my London themed birthday


    gifts. I cannot even imagine him getting it at all or breaking a smile on that moody starchy pants face of


    his; even better. A joke he might not get, but I cannot resist it. New York socks for Kingpin New York


    himself.


    I try to calm myself as Jackson pays for them and hands me back a paper bag that is so street tacky


    that it hits me all over again in a third intensive wave. Tacky socks in a brown paper bag and I am


    giving them to the Mafia billionaire as a thank you for a sarcastic gift¡ªjust perfect.


    I have no idea why this is making me crease up so much, or even why it¡¯s as funny as it is, but I just


    can¡¯t stop, even when Jackson hands me my greasy dog and I tuck my bag under my arm. I hit the


    extreme snorting giggles and almost choke on the first bite I ram in my mouth to stop it. Coughing


    manically as I inhale cooked sausage and dry roll and almost die from it.


    ¡®You know ¡­ You¡¯re what he needs, Miss Cami. Lighten him up sometimes and put a little fun back


    in his life.¡¯


    Jackson sobers me instantly and it isn¡¯t as funny anymore as his words p me with some reality.


    Mood dropping like a lead weight that cures me of this weird hysteria, and I smooth down my clothes


    as I dislodge the obstruction and clear my throat as Ipose myself sombrely.


    ¡®I will never be what he needs. I am, however, grateful for my job ¡­ and for this.¡¯ I get the words out


    hoarsely as I dangle my bracelet absentmindedly; no idea why I even bring it to his attention, other than


    to distract his topic of conversation and Jackson admires it with careful fingers.


    ¡®Alexi showed me it this morning when he had me pick up your cake.¡¯ He seemspletelyposed,


    acting as though this is a normal thing for him to hand out, and I just gawp in startled disbelief.


    ¡®What? He showed you this? This morning? You collected the cake?¡¯ I nch at him and Jackson just


    smiles at me as though nothing is amiss in that statement; my head whirling like a merry-go-round on


    speed. Recovering quickly and now just intent on what he said.


    ¡®When he asked if I thought you would like it ¡­ he said it was a thank you. I guess you must be running


    the club a lot better than that Joanne ever did. I don¡¯t like her much.¡¯ Jackson is a sweetheart


    sometimes and very honest about his opinions of the staff in the club, but right now I want to


    interrogate the crap out of him over my bracelet and cake. Confuddled and immediately zoned in on the


    importance of what he just said, my stomach starts tying itself in knots.


    I just give him a long look that just screams of ¡®What?¡¯


    ¡®He never told you, did he?¡¯ I ask warily and watch for a dishonest reaction, but Jackson is not a good


    liar. There is nothing in that sweet pudgy face to say he knows what today is; despite Alexi showing him


    my gifts and having him collect one.


    ¡®About what?¡¯ Innocence¡ªHe genuinely thinks this is a thank you gift.


    ¡®Nothing ¡­ I just ¡­ I was surprised that Alexi bought me this, that¡¯s all. It was unexpected, and the


    cake. I didn¡¯t know he sent you.¡¯ I stammer while covering up and try like mad to get my head around


    this. I mean, I knew he must have pulled some strings to get them to me for this morning; I just didn¡¯t


    assume he put that much thought and effort into it, and then asked others if I would approve. That is


    not the man I know at all.


    ¡®He asked me for your favourite ce to buy them as he knows you have a sweet tooth. He called them


    last night and had them make up a special order.¡¯ Jackson smiles knowingly at me, a twinkle in his eye


    and that smug ¡®Ahhh young love¡¯ look on his face that only makes me antsier.


    I don¡¯t know what to say. I¡¯m gobsmacked and seriously overthinking while trying not to. Alexi showed


    him my bracelet and asked if I would like it. He asked Jackson, who spends a lot of time with me, about


    my favourite bakery and favourite cake. Hardly the behaviour of the Alexi I know and hate and have


    come to expect nothing from.


    I stare at my charm on my bracelet once again and feel really, really odd. Not sure how to react now I¡¯m


    looking at it and second-guessing his whole motive all over again. The level of symbolism on the


    dandelion connection is now a big huge question mark in my brain.


    ¡®We better move; looks like rain ising. There¡¯s a storm due tonight, meant to have lightning.¡¯


    Jackson interrupts innocently and I blink at him before looking up at the grey sky rolling in. The nervous


    unease storms give me makes me shiver involuntarily. Pushing my other thoughts aside for when I get


    home and can dissect this alone, I feelpletely shell-shocked.


    ¡®Yeah let¡¯s go back, I¡¯m tired and I need to lie down.¡¯ I add and slide my arm into his, dumping my


    uneaten dog in the bucket. I havepletely lost my appetite suddenly and squeeze the brown bag


    under my arm securely, reminding myself it¡¯s there, and now I want to give them to him all the more.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel, but I sure as hell don¡¯t feel as smug about my bracelet as I did earlier.


    Alexi isn¡¯t at the club when we get back, so I wander into the office and ce the brown bag on the


    desk. Not sure if he will be back at all today but I¡¯m still nning on staying upstairs tonight regardless.


    I look around for a pen and a post-it note and scribble one quickly, so I can deposit this bag of hrious


    socks for him to find. I lost the courage to give them to him face to face after Jackson¡¯s little revtion,


    and now I just hope he might see the funny in them too.


    If his gift was genuine and thoughtful, then I now feel guilty for buying these to mock him, and hope he


    just sees them as gratitude for the London themed gifts by New Yorking him back. Seeing as it¡¯s my


    new pet name for him.


    I nce at the note to double check it reads well, not too grateful and nicely nice, but appreciative.


    ¡®From London to New York ¡­ Something every man needs when ruling his kingdom. X ¡¯


    I stick it to the bag and leave it there. Not even sure why I feltpelled to add a note or even still give


    him the damn things. He probably won¡¯t get the joke at all and throw them out, but I couldn¡¯t resist.


    Socks for the kingpin and it still amuses me anyway, making me smile as I leave them there and walk


    out shaking my head.


    He did however, unwittingly make my birthday less of a shitty day. It¡¯s been spent with my mind on


    other things¡ªmainly him, and now even without trying, my brain is back there on his desk wondering if


    he will like my tacky little gift.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    My mother couldn¡¯t be further from my thoughts or my mood, and I actually have a modicum of


    happiness fizzing around inside of me anytime I look at my wrist.


    I didn¡¯t buy them to be a bitch, even if they were bought in humour. I bought them because they made


    meugh, and possibly because I am thankful that he took some time out of being a prick to do


    something nice for me on a difficult day in my year. I just hope I don¡¯t find out the real motive today and


    burst the bubble that¡¯s keeping me from concentrating on the date.


    I head back upstairs after nodding at the staff down here, ever watchful of the club and I¡¯m d to find


    the apartment empty.


    There¡¯s no sign he has been here at all today and I change into sweats and my yoga bra and settle in


    front of the big screen to trawl for a movie. My ns are simple ¡­ Jackson is picking me up Chinese


    takeout and munchies. I am going to watch a marathon of movies I have never seen before. Numb out


    my brain, pig out, get fat and have a night off from being anything except a couch potato. I am not


    moving from this spot at all until the day ends and I can put this one behind me for another year.


    Zoning out, leaving it alone and forgetting all about her.


    I¡¯m home. I¡¯m safe. I¡¯m warm and fed. I don¡¯t need to keep looking into the scars and sadness


    anymore; I just need to leave her buried in the past¡ªAlong with all that came before.


    I have a future here, stability and security, thanks to the contracts Alexi had drawn up only days after


    my arrival here. I have a copy of a deed which gives me half the club, and that includes half this


    apartment. If I want to walk away he needs to buy me out and that little earner would set me up for life.


    Either way ¡­ Alexi has made sure that I¡¯ll never go back to scrounging on the streets, even if he gives


    me reason to leave him in my past, and that IS something to be thankful for.


    He¡¯s taken care of my future, even if he isn¡¯t in it.

 Chapter 124

    Chapter 124


    I wake up disorientated and groggy, well rested but so out of whack. I¡¯m in my own bed when I was


    sure I fell asleep on the couch during my movie marathon and blink at my surroundings. I sit up


    suddenly when I realise that I don¡¯t have my duvet over me, but the throw from the end of my bed and


    can only assume I was put here by someone else. I am still wearing my sweatpants and yoga bra and


    try to get my bearings. Completely confused at how I ended up through here.


    The smell of coffee lingers in the air and I get up warily to stretch and yawn, knowing only one person


    would be in here brewing that foul stench, and he is probably the one who moved me from the couch.


    He maybe came up and wanted to sit in the living room and moved me for that reason. I shrug it off;


    run my fingers through my bedhead before padding out into the apartment sleepily.


    It feels eerily still and I can tell no one else is here anymore, but the mess I left on the coffee table has


    been cleaned up and the room restored to neat and tidy. I guess the cleaner has been already,


    although she normallyes at nine. A quick nce to check the wall clock has me nching when I


    see its past ten a.m.


    I didn¡¯t wake up once, not at all. For the first time since forever, I slept right through the night without


    sleeping aids, and I cannot remember being moved from couch to bed. No night terrors, no


    restlessness or taking an age to pass out. I have slept more than twelve hours straight, and I am not


    even sick to warrant it.


    I rub my head, wowed by the fact I have probably never managed that in my entire existence and


    wander into the kitchen to make myself tea while I mull it over. I spot Alexi¡¯s mug on the draining rack,


    upside down, drying from earlier use, a strangelyforting sight. He has been here, just like I thought


    with the smell of overly strong Italian coffee but the coffee machine is switched off now. I automatically


    feel it to see how cold it has gone but it¡¯s barely lukewarm, meaning he left hours ago.


    That little inner drop of disappointment in my belly grabs me and I shake it away as being stupid. I


    shouldn¡¯t care if he¡¯s already left for the day and most likely not even in the club anymore. I have no


    reason to see him.


    It does mean he must have slept herest night, came in at some point after ten because I was


    definitely awake at the stroke of ten. That means he did what I asked of him and stayed away for


    almost the full duration of my birthday. If he came after midnight then maybe even stayed away for its


    entirety.


    The thought surprises me and I double nce around the room to be sure I am seeing this for how it is.


    It¡¯s definitely his mug on the rack that was not therest night. He¡¯s the only one who would even use it


    as the cleaner wouldn¡¯t. He knows I don¡¯t drink coffee, so the machine is only in use when he is up


    here.


    It had to be him.


    It feels weird knowing he¡¯s been here twice while I slept and yet didn¡¯t try to wake me. He carried me


    when he came up to bed and saw me passed out on the couch like sleeping beauty. He put me to bed,


    not that it¡¯s the first time but it¡¯s definitely the only time it hasn¡¯t followed sex. He could have left me


    there, I wouldn¡¯t have known any different.


    I rub my face, trying to push it out of my head and fill the kettle for a cup of tea with one hand as I ruffle


    my messy nest of hair into some sort of neatness. My bracelet catches in it and I untangle it carefully,


    remembering its existence and stare at it for a long moment.


    The small dangling dandelion charm catches my eye and ups the fluttering in my stomach and I ponder


    just exactly what possessed Alexi to buy me anything at all. Still warmed by the sight of it.


    I can¡¯t deny that his behaviour since I came back has been confusing and contradicting, but I¡¯m not


    willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. There will be an angle, I am certain of it. I just don¡¯t care


    what it is so don¡¯t need to ever find out.


    * * *


    After I am showered and ready to roll, I wander down to the club to start my day, of sorts. It¡¯s almost


    noon and I am feeling decidedly rxed in my new navy dress and matching shoes; Conservative for


    today and low heels. I spoiled myself yesterday with my new lingerie and bought an outfit that had


    three quarter length sleeves, which showcased my precious new essory. I know wearing it might


    make him think I really like it a lot, but I¡®m not bothered. It¡¯s sparkly and pretty and it goes with my dress


    in all its understated elegance.


    The club is already bustling with the early staff thates in to get the ce ready every night. We


    don¡¯t do clean up at closing, we do it from noon onwards when we restock and reset the whole ce.


    That means my staffe in shifts¡ªsome from noon to mid-evening and then those whoe in


    fresh and work till four a.m. It means our clientele get attentive and perky staff and surroundings that


    are constantly spotless. I worked out this new rota perfectly and it means I am no longer always


    required during the day to oversee mundane deliveries or watch the cleaning staff un-gunk the sex


    rooms.


    I am only required when I want to be here and it takes so much pressure away from me. I get to swan


    around barking orders and overseeing that all runs smoothly. It¡¯s a much better set up this time from


    the one set of shift workers who worked long hours. I¡¯m rather proud of myself for getting it right and


    allowing myself to breathe a little easier.


    I do a quick walk around to make sure people are carrying out their jobs and then lift the cat food and


    water from the kitchen down here to go feed Feral. I¡¯mte today so he will be pacing the car park for


    his breakfast and waiting for me in a foul mood¡ªLittle grumpy fleabag that he is. I have a bit of a spring


    in my step, light and cheerful with a sunny demeanour for no apparent reason. It just feels like a good


    day and I wonder if it¡¯s because I had a wonderful unbroken sleep.


    I pass Jackson in the hallway and throw him a genuine warm smile and get one in return.


    ¡®Morning, Miss Cami.¡¯ He beams my way as I pass and I just grin back, full of the vigour¡¯s of life.


    Surprising, seeing as yesterday was my birthday.


    ¡®Morning Jackson, I¡¯m off to see furry psycho.¡¯ I giggle at my own title for my little Ginger, heart


    brimming with genuine tenderness for the flea-bitten crazy.


    I don¡¯t get another step further when a familiar husky voicees at me from behind, sending my inner


    body into an instant explosion of tingles and butterflies and my chest tightens as my heart rate ups a


    gear.


    ¡®There you are, London! I was upstairs looking for you.¡¯


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    I pause, breath catching in my lungs as Alexi catches up with me from the lift, obviously having missed


    me in passing, and turn with my brightest smile. God knows where he was in this building, probably the


    office floor, and I feel weirdly shy around him suddenly. A strange warmth and bubble of happiness that


    he is still in the building. I don¡¯t know why there is a change in how I feel around him today, other than


    waking up tucked up in my own bed and knowing he did it.


    Maybe the gifts? The thoughtfulness behind them?


    I don¡¯t know!


    ¡®I¡¯m right here. Where do you think I would be?¡¯ I question him cheekily, definite perky mood at his


    appearance and no hint of sassy at all. I feel great and even he couldn¡¯t dampen my sparkle today.


    He¡¯s looking unusually suave in casual attire again, a t-shirt and jeans that are snug but not overly tight


    and has shades stuck on his head in his messy hairdo. It¡¯s a good look but it¡¯s not my perfectly tailored


    sinister mobster, and I feel a tad disappointed in it. He¡¯s hot like this, but he¡¯s smoking in a suit.


    ¡®I left some files on the desk for you that you needed signed. And I wanted to say thanks.¡¯ He grins at


    me, all dimples, sparkly eyes and great teeth, looking equally merry today and I wonder if maybe there


    is something in the water. He gestures me with his eyes, nodding down and it takes a moment to


    register that he¡¯s sticking his foot out and lifting his jean leg to let me see his socks.


    I pause as I stare at them, momentarily dazed, and burst outughing when I notice the little Kingpin


    font around his ankle just above his trainer and smile stupidly. Losing all inhibition and breaking into a


    real grin of genuine amusement.


    I never actually imagined he would wear them and it¡¯s ridiculously funny to me. Alexi can be surprising,


    to say the least. If only he was also naked ¡­ would have just made it for me.


    ¡®You don¡¯t have to wear them; they were bought as a joke.¡¯ Iugh softly, forgetting myself around him


    for a minute and basking in the genuine happy look he throws me back. The air around us gets light


    and fluffy and my whole body rxes in his zingy presence.


    ¡®I happen to appreciate the gift, even if it was bought to put me in my ce. London to New York! I love


    them.¡¯ He reaches out and tugs a strand of my hair affectionately, a cheeky smile and a glint in his eye


    that only serves to make him more devilishly handsome. It sobers me up instantly as Ie to my


    senses and pull my guard back up; should never get too soft around this man, for anything.


    ¡®I should go feed the cat.¡¯ I swallow hard, moving away and turn back on my heel to get out of here


    before this goes anywhere else. He¡¯s in an infectious mood, and I know that means I have less of a


    self-defence system in his presence.


    ¡®Hold the door, I¡¯ming. I have to leave,¡¯ he adds in afterthought and follows me, despite it being the


    last thing I want, and catches up to keep pace with me as I get to it with easy strides.


    ¡®Where are you going?¡¯ I ask to cover the awkwardness I feel around him now, and he just pulls down


    his shades as sun floods in from the open door as I yank it towards me. Looking all yboy cover


    model like this, and I shake my head to dislodge the giddy weirdness thates over me with him


    getting closer.


    Damn this body and its infernal internal inability to not want to get this man naked between my thighs.


    He should bottle whatever it is he gives off and sell it to men who can¡¯t getid. Works wonders on


    unsuspecting women.


    ¡®Another of my clubs; I have a meeting with my bar manager about an overhaul of another ce.¡¯ His


    tone is bright and warm, husky as usual with that very deep sexiness that I could listen to all day. It¡¯s


    more evident when he¡¯s beingpletely rxed.


    ¡®A club like this?¡¯ I question, intrigued and also a little green with that thought. Somehow having more


    than one of my little endeavours doesn¡¯t sit well with me and I double nce at him, leading the way


    outside ahead of him and down the steps towards the bowls I keep there for Feral.


    ¡®No ¡­ a regr nightclub that I have owned for years; it needs updating and some cash thrown in to


    give it a boost. It¡¯s uptown, right in cash central.¡¯ He smiles sexily at me and my stomach plummets as


    my insides churn crazily.


    Stop it, Cami.


    We walk in two directions when we hit the tarmac of the car park, and I sigh in relief to be getting


    control of my libido again. Me to the left and him to the right towards his car, throwing me a nce as


    we separate and I stop to rip the can lid off the food with the little tab on top, hoping focus will simmer


    my inner tingles a little.


    I have no idea why he¡¯s majorly affecting me this morning.


    ¡®You want toe?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s question makes me stop and turn to look at him in surprise as he stands at


    his car and opens his driver door.


    ¡®What, me?¡¯ I look around in case he¡¯s asking someone else that I didn¡¯t know was out here, and then


    look back to him when I realise he¡¯s smiling at me in wide-eyed surprise.


    ¡®Yeah, you ¡­ Girl who made this ce look amazing; could use your input over there and some of that


    Cam magic.¡¯ Alexi is in a very good mood today, it¡¯s weird. There¡¯s probably something wrong with him,


    possibly a bang to his head¡ªespecially if he¡¯s inviting me for a ride along to another of his businesses.


    He¡¯s all smiles andid-back charm and I narrow my eyes at him, forgetting about dishing out Feral¡¯s


    food as he starts yowling at me nearby in annoyance.


    ¡®You really want mypany? On purpose?¡¯ I nch at him, and he just narrows his gaze at me,


    amused but yet not. Looking at me like I might be a bit insane and he shouldn¡¯t have to answer that.


    I jump in fright as something pushes against my naked leg, a warm fuzzy sensation that¡¯spletely


    alien to me and look down in shock. Eyes bulging with what I see. Feral rubs his face across my naked


    ankle for a second, head butting me yfully. Affectionately purring like a maniac, or a vibrating toy and


    has another go at meowing pitifully.


    I don¡¯t know why this little act of trust gets to me on a major level, but I just stop every fibre of my being


    and gawp down at the little crazy furball. He¡¯s showing me some clumsy affection as he rubs his body


    back and forth across me in a bid to hurry the deliverance of food, but I just stare. A lump catches in my


    throat and I stand frozen, afraid to move as my eyes mist over and my heart swells so achingly it sticks


    in my rib cage painfully.


    ¡®I think he¡¯s telling you to hurry up and feed him.¡¯ Alexi points out the obvious, seemingly not as


    impressed with this contact and not understanding the significance of this moment. My cat is touching


    me ¡­ On purpose, by choice!


    Feral refused toe near us, no matter how often we came out here and here he is, by his own


    volition, rubbing against me gently and purring at me because he wants to. It¡¯s a massive show of trust


    and affection and I can¡¯t believe Alexi doesn¡¯t get it at all.

 Chapter 125

    Chapter 125


    Tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision as my hand starts to tremble around the can I am still holding;


    instantly blown away by something so basic. I mentally shake it off as I check myself, pulling my shit


    together; breathe out the overwhelming wave of emotions and lean down slowly to tip out the contents


    into his bowl. Iy the can on the ground, still bent over and tentatively reach for the cats back, pausing


    with nerves cascading out of every pore¡ªTense and hopeful.


    He makes another sweep against me, even though his food is there, and gently I run my fingers along


    his spine feeling his soft fur and surprisingly warm body heat whichpletely soothes my soul. The


    cat butts his head up to meet my palm and for a second of sheer joy lets my rub his head properly.


    It¡¯s short-lived¡ªas soon as he sees the food is out he darts off, tail in the air and the moment is gone,


    but it was a moment of utterpletion for me and my chest and stomach are brimming with weird


    vibrations.


    Weeks of trying to tame this infernal beast and he rewards me with a second of utter bliss. I got to


    touch him. He trusts me. He likes me. He might even really love me in some weird cat way. I¡¯m worth


    something to someone on a genuine level.


    I could sob right now and turn to Alexi as I straighten up with a warm tear rolling down my cheek; A


    happy goofy smile on my face.


    ¡®Did you see that?¡¯ I ask him meekly, ovee with breathlessness and Alexi just frowns at me.


    ¡®You know that thing waits for me every day and aims those little fucking ws of his at my legs on a


    daily. I¡¯m not the best person to praise you on his obvious devotion, seeing as I would love to run over


    the little shit¡¯s head in a heartbeat.¡¯ He points out dryly, still leaning over his open car door as he


    watches me and I just eyeroll and wipe my face. Killing the moment for me and I shake my head that I


    would expect him to understand.


    ¡®You really know how to ruin a good thing, don¡¯t you?¡¯ I sigh and the weird flicker of expression that


    crosses his face apanied by ¡­


    ¡®Yeah ¡­ tell me about it,¡¯ in a sombre tone, seems out of ce and weirdly unconnected to our


    conversation. He looks away across the car park as though distracted and sighs heavily too. The


    atmosphere takes a distinct turn as I return to gazing adorably at my ugly little pet; Pride filling me up in


    every tiny space inside of me.


    ¡®Are youing or not?¡¯ Alexi bursts into my thoughts and I look down onest time at Feral eating


    away contentedly, oblivious to me now, and scoop to lift the can to deposit in the bin by Alexi¡¯s car.


    ¡®Are you going to y nice and be a gentleman if I do?¡¯ I ask brazenly, thest ounces of my moment


    fading away quickly and lift my eyes to his inbat, not in the mood for any Alexi prickness today. I¡¯m


    high on life and just had one of the best moments ever. I won¡¯t let him burst that little joyful bubble.


    ¡®Yes, ma¡¯am. On my best behaviour. Scouts honour.¡¯ He nods cheekily, a mock salute I assume from


    the boy scouts and I sigh heavily. I doubt he actually means it, and yet, I am in the mood for getting out


    and seeing something new. The club is my happy ce but it doesn¡¯t mean I don¡¯t get bored seeing the


    same four walls every day.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    ¡®I have to be back here before six ¡­ I have stuff to do.¡¯ I point out, not sure why I am even


    contemting this little trip but I guess curiosity is getting the better of me. Another club he owns


    sounds like something worthy of checking out. I have always been intrigued by what else he does with


    his life outside of this ce.


    ¡®I swear we shall be back before then. It¡¯s a quick visit, not an all-day thing.¡¯ He¡¯s still focused on me as


    I walk towards him and then gesture to the club behind me with my hand.


    ¡®I better tell Jackson in case he thinks he¡¯s lost me and has a meltdown. He¡¯s very protective, you


    know.¡¯ I nod in the general direction but Alexi shakes his head.


    ¡®I can do it.¡¯ Alexi motions to his earpiece, presses his finger to it. Of course, I remember the little


    security gadgets again. They seem to wear them all the time and Alexi is no exception. I know they


    have a distance limit but anyone within a few hundred feet of one other is still in range, so I assume he


    uses them wherever he goes to stay linked to his men all over the city. He has to have men dotted


    every few hundred feet for sure, so probably always has some sort of contact with someone like a


    game of Chinese whispers.


    He tells Jackson he is taking me with him, and then leaves his door open to walk around and get the


    other side ready for me to get in. He leans in, throwing his jacket into the back seat, brushes off the


    passenger side then steps out of my way as he lets me move in and slide into his car; Towering over


    me closely as I push past and try to ignore the butterflies erupting deep in my stomach when we touch


    briefly.


    I¡¯m getting used to them now and just ignore the infernal sensations as another downside to life around


    him.


    I have never actually been alone with Alexi in a car that he is driving. We only ever went in the back,


    chauffeured by Mico or one of his drivers, so this feels strangely intimate as he closes my door for me


    and moves fast to get in the other side.


    What I would have given to be alone in this way before ¡­ when I was stupidly enamoured with him and


    craving his attention. It¡¯s weird that now I no longer want it he seems to offer it freely and it¡¯s ironic. The


    less I chase him the more he seems to want me in his life¡ªit¡¯s not lost on me and I wonder if that¡¯s


    what this is. I stopped giving and he starteding after me.


    Isn¡¯t that what he said he liked? Women who are not easy to catch?


    I don¡¯t want to think about it, it¡¯s just another head mess waiting to happen, and I slide on my seat belt


    as I put it out of my head.


    ''What exactly is this sporty little number anyway? It''s very you.'' I eye up the sleek and dark interior of


    his car, all gadgets and high tech and screams of expensive man toy.


    ''A Bugatti Chiron Sport! Custom painted to my specs.'' He beams proudly, grinning my way like the cat


    who got the cream, shades pushed up again and obviously enamoured with his car as he buckles up


    and adjusts his seating position to getfy.


    ''Let me guess ¡­ is it Italian made?'' I eyeroll for effect, knowing full well he has a serious thing about


    his roots.


    ''All the best thingse in Italian packaging, Bambino.'' He winks smugly, and it has the opposite effect


    of being charmed. I pull a cringing face and gawp at him.


    ''Ew, please don''t ever use that term again, so cringe Alexi. I think I just vomited in my mouth.'' I


    mock push my finger in my throat to simte an up-chuck response, and he justughs, shaking his


    head as he presses his palm to the back of my headrest, so he can push himself around to check


    behind us before he reverses.


    ¡®Don¡¯t let my cousin hear you say that ¡­ It¡¯s his tried and tested means of pulling thedies; He got a


    wife out of it.¡¯ He throws me a knowing look, smiling at my head shake and then smoothly pulls his car


    out of the space, gentle on the gas. I slide down to rx a little, feeling confident that he¡¯s not a stupid


    boy racer, and I am perfectly safe with him.


    Fast cars have always made me nervous and I don¡¯t doubt he has his moments where this car is


    pulverised for the fun of it, but he seems sensible enough not to drive that way now.


    ¡®We could go eat after ¡­ I know a little ce that you might like.¡¯ He smiles my way, head on another


    topic, as is his way. For a moment it¡¯s like being in thepany of Gino and I look away perplexed. Too


    smiley, tooid back and amodating. Not Alexi at all. He¡¯s in a good mood for sure, but whenever


    he gets a little too easypanion, I get scared.


    ¡®I thought this was a business trip ¡­ now lunch too?¡¯ I ask unsurely and focus on anything but him as


    he expertly gets us out into traffic without killing Feral. I watch for a second, poised and nervous as we


    leave through the gate and watch my little furball lift his head from his bowl and watch us go without a


    hint of reaction. Straining up to peer over the bo and then through Alexi¡¯s window as we pass. The


    cat has really begun to grow in confidence and Alexi frowns at him and then at me and my overly


    concerned face.


    ¡®It¡¯s eating, nowhere near my wheels, so rx ¡­ And it¡¯s something we both need to do so it¡¯s easier to


    get food on the way back than having something hereter. Do you good to get out more.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s tone


    drops, a little bossier,manding, and I rx with the appearance of it. Used to this persona.


    ¡®It¡¯s not a date?¡¯ I ask haughtily and Alexi throws me a frustrated nce before focusing back on the


    road.


    ¡®God forbid you should go on one of those with me, right?¡¯ He sounds mildly sarcastic and I just shrug


    at him.


    ¡®You said it, not me.¡¯ I point out and rx back as he rather confidently manoeuvres his roaring beast of


    a car along the road into mainstream traffic and gets us going quickly.


    I like his car, it suits him.


    Dark, purring and powerful, with a lot of vroom under the bo. It¡¯s sexy in a shy sporty way and


    completely pantybusting when that roar vibrates from even the smallest amount of eleration. I


    have never really been a girl who gets wet over machines like this, but with him behind the wheel, I can


    see the merits.


    ¡®Would it be so bad to give me another chance? Wipe the te clean?¡¯ Alexi throws me a cautious


    look; I can¡¯t tell if it¡¯s genuine or if he¡¯s taking the piss and I automaticallyugh.


    ¡®Once bitten, twice shy ¡­ I don¡¯t do second chances.¡¯ I point out, mping down on whatever this is


    and ignore the way his eyes stay on my face, intensely, for a moment. It¡¯s making me uneasy and


    already I regreting; Anxiety starting to build deep down and that heavy foreboding gnawing away


    inside.


    I am not ying his games. I am not letting him pull me back into whatever this is. He¡¯s obviously bored


    and has his eye on a rematch with me. I should have known an invite would be loaded.


    Over my dead body.


    ¡®Yet, you¡¯re here with me ¡­ so I guess somewhere under all that fiery rage, you must have forgiven me


    a little bit.¡¯ Alexi doesn¡¯t sound smug or even amused, but there is something in the tone which doesn¡¯t


    sit with me. A probing niceness that is definitely not real.


    ¡®Why are we talking about this? I thought we were all business here?¡¯ I point out and he frowns this


    time.


    ¡®All business, yet we buy each other gifts?¡¯ He nods at my wrist and I actually regret wearing it now if


    he is going to read into it or use it as emotional leverage. I pull my hand into myp and re at him


    this time.


    ¡®Okay ¡­ Spit it out, because I know it has an angle, as does this car ride and this topic of convo. What


    devious shit head ns do you have for me huh? Is this part of your ¡®swoon her and strangle her¡¯


    routine again? Bored that we are too docile and nothing majorly emotionally traumatic is happening?¡¯ I


    turn on him and raise my eyebrowsbatively, not going to sit here and let him start all this shit with


    me again. Alexi just frowns and looks away, body sagging slightly.


    ¡®Forget it ¡­ I¡¯m just trying to find some middle ground with us, Cam. I know why you feel the way you


    do about me.¡¯ He hits sulky face and low tone and it just irritates me hellishly.


    ¡®Well, you can drop it. I came back to run the club, nothing else. I would appreciate it if you just kept


    this as it is¡ªbusiness only! We work better when it¡¯s kept that way.¡¯ I point out bitterly and try to


    unstiffen myself in the seat to rx, but he has me all wound up and anxious.


    ¡®Yeah ¡­ Business.¡¯ He mutters it under his breath and this time doesn¡¯t look at me, sullen suddenly


    and just focuses on driving instead. Despite the fact he¡¯s the one who riled me, it makes me feel guilty,


    which then makes me feel pissed at him for evoking that emotion; Always screwing with my feelings in


    some annoying way. I shake my head and it¡¯s out before I can stop it.


    ¡®Look ¡­ I know I should be thankful that you dide back for me when you did. My life wasn¡¯t going


    too well, and it¡¯s not that I am not grateful, Alexi, it¡¯s just ¡­¡¯ I trail off; losing my nerve and stopping


    short of saying ¡®You broke my heart irreversibly.¡¯ Because that¡¯s what he did, on top of all the rest of the


    horrible crap he put me through. He destroyed me, he ruined me, he left me deste and the first


    month of life without him was like living in a state of emptiness. I can never let that happen to me again.


    ¡®I hurt you. I get it ¡­ I know.¡¯ He finishes it for me and I tense and look out of the window, tears


    brimming like pools on my lowershes, trying so hard not to let this conversation affect me.


    At least he acknowledges what he did wrong¡ªI guess that¡¯s a step forward from how he used to be


    with me.


    Neither of us says anything more, a heavy silence in the air that taints the whole atmosphere, and I¡¯m


    drawn to the fact he seems as stiff and tense as me. Silence deafening because of how much tension


    is swirling between us, and I can¡¯t stand it.


    ¡®Thank you for my bracelet anyway.¡¯ I breathe out after it finally gets too much for me and touch it


    gently, almost automatically. I do love it, more than I want him to know. No one ever just bought me a


    gift for the sake of it before, and even though I¡¯m sure there¡¯s got to be a reason for it, he still hasn¡¯t


    made it clear or thrown one at me, so maybe it is what it is.


    Just a gift he thought I would like: For my birthday.


    ¡®Thank you for my socks.¡¯ Alexi breaks into a half smile and the weird static lifts a little. Air clearing and


    the lead on my chest subsides too. I hate it when we fight; he has the ability to make everything feel


    awful without trying to.


    Despite myself, I smile softly. Knowing they are on his feet and it is still pretty ridiculous to me. Killing


    the bad mood and lifting the fewst traces of bad feeling between us.


    ¡®You¡¯re so strange sometimes.¡¯ I giggle involuntary and Alexi nces my way with another cute boy


    smile then an obvious sigh as his expression brightens up.


    ¡®Says the British chick with the psychotic kitty cat as a pet.¡¯ Alexi leans out and pushes me in the thigh


    with his palm childishly and I just p his hand back.


    ¡®No touching!¡¯ I jest at him, no conviction behind it, and more of a warm reminder as he lifts his hand


    over my thigh in mock threat.

 Chapter 126

    Chapter 126


    ¡®Just a little bit of touching ¡­ You¡¯re too irresistible to not want to touch.¡¯ It¡¯s a wink, a return of yful


    and yet my heart plummets.


    Don¡¯t go there, Alexi, please. I don¡¯t want to fight again.


    I mentally will him to not go down this route and just push his hand away as he smiles my way.


    ¡®Did you have some sort of personality transnt when I was gone?¡¯ I chide him, half serious and


    deting inside, knowing that this was a dumb invitation to ept. There¡¯s too much between us that


    comes out whenever we are left alone, and I don¡¯t think we should try to build any sort of camaraderie


    outside of the club if this is anything to go by. History means there is so much tension and resentment


    lying in the silence that neither of us wants to air. I¡¯m not that great amunicator, and he seems like


    he wants avoidance of the before too.


    ¡®Maybe I just had a wake-up call ¡­ in more ways than one.¡¯


    ¡®Because your club went down the shitter and you realised you might actually need me?¡¯ Ites out


    impulsively. Damn that quick bitch in me, and I throw him a knowing look aiming for sarcasm, still trying


    to jest in my witty banter even if there is a heavier tone to it. This time he looks me dead in the eye and


    it hits me a little more precisely.


    ¡®Or I just realised I needed you without giving a shit about the club at all.¡¯ Alexi throws me a serious


    look, something in his expression that makes me instantly terrified, heart pouncing up in my rib cage


    and I hit the instant sweats. I look away, breath eluding me as cold fear takes a grip on me all over.


    ¡®Don¡¯t go down this route, please Alexi. I can¡¯t ¡­ just ¡­ stop the car. I¡¯m getting out.¡¯ Panic overtakes


    me, irrational internal hysteria that I know where this is heading. Straight to Alexi¡¯s form of hell and


    heartbreak and I pull off my belt impulsively; Fully intending on jumping out of his moving car if he


    doesn¡¯t stop, rather than be pulled into another emotional game where he fucks my head up and


    pushes me beyond my limits of coping.


    I thought I was stronger than this when it came to him, but my heart is thudding and my head is


    spinning as my eyes well up with tears. I¡¯m not as immune as I thought, and hints of him trying to pull


    me back down that road of caring about him send me into an all-out panic attack as the car closes in on


    me.


    ¡®Cam, don¡¯t be stupid. Put your belt back on,¡¯ Alexi barks at me, reaching to grab me harshly as it slides


    off; Blinded by the ustrophobic need to just get away from him.


    ¡®Stop the car,¡¯ I repeat emotionally, tears overflowing pathetically now, and I go to grab the handle when


    he makes no effort to pull over. I yank it, so the door opens a click and then gasp with physical contact


    as I¡¯m hauled sideways. Alexi grabs hold of me by the upper arm, pulls me towards him so there¡¯s no


    way in hell I can jump out, and swerves his car to the side of the road recklessly, almost clipping the


    rear of a car in front and turns on me furiously.


    ¡®What the fuck are you doing? Do you know how serious that could have gotten if you tried to get out of


    a moving vehicle, Cam?!?!¡¯ he yells at me angrily, fierce-faced and gripping me as though his life


    depends on it, hurting me slightly with his force.


    ¡®What the fuck are YOU doing? All this bullshit you are throwing at me!¡¯ I yell straight back in his face,


    shocked impulse, trying like crazy to pull his hand from me but his fingers are biting in with that death


    grip of his.


    ¡®Trying to be honest with you!¡¯ Alexi bites back but I finally wrench free, losing his hot fingers around my


    slender arm, and shove him off nastily. I turn to throw my door open and dodge another attempt to


    lasso me.


    I won¡¯t stay here and do this, I¡¯ll walk back to the club, get my shit and leave.


    I say nothing, just haul myself upright out of the car and quickly start pacing back in the direction we


    came, body on fire and mind racing. I jump when Alexies up behind me at speed, catches me fast


    and spins me around to face him with a tug that almost sends me spiralling over.


    ¡®Cam, stop! You¡¯re being stupid.¡¯ He pulls me by the arms towards him to steady me and keep me


    close and I justsh out and p them away.


    ¡®No, you stop! You said this was business ¡­ you said you would leave me alone ¡­ you said it would


    be different this time! I wouldn¡¯t havee back if you hadn¡¯t agreed. I won¡¯t let you do this to me


    again ¡­ I won¡¯t let you get back in my head with your mind games and veiled motives, to hurt me all


    over again. You promised!¡¯ I wail at him, words tumbling out in a torrent of rushed panic and upset,


    tears blinding me and running down my face as my words break with sobs I cannot contain.


    Unconcealed misery in the way I¡¯m falling apart in front of him.


    The bastard still has the same power over me, despite everything, and all it took was a hint of pulling


    my heart towards him gently and he has me running scared. Like a rabbit being chased by a wolf. I¡¯m


    terrified and overwrought and trying so hard to just get away from him.


    ¡®I¡¯m not going to hurt you. I swear. I have no motives this time and I¡¯m not doing anything to try to fuck


    with you. You have to believe me, Cam.¡¯ Alexi sounds strained, voice low and almost emotional, but I¡¯m


    too caught up in my own agony. I can¡¯t take him at face value.


    ¡®Yes, you will. It¡¯s what you do; it¡¯s what you always do. It¡¯s what you can¡¯t help yourself from doing to


    me at every opportunity you get.¡¯ I keep pping away the hands he tries toy on me, hysteria


    building crazily from deep down inside, and he seems to give up entirely. Lifting his hands defensively


    as though trying to show he will stop grabbing me if I just calm down. Eyes locked on my face in an


    expression that just screams at me to breathe.


    ¡®Okay ¡­ okay ¡­ I¡¯m done. I¡¯ll drop it. I didn¡¯t want to upset you and make this worse. I¡¯m not touching


    ¡­ look ¡­ I swear. I don¡¯t want to hurt you and I definitely don¡¯t want to keep fighting with you.¡¯ He


    looks pensive, that face not giving much away but his voice is unusually hoarse, even if it¡¯s soft-toned


    and low, and his eyes are boring into mine in an almost pleading way. Nodding at me as if to make me


    look around and realise he has let me go. He¡¯s trying to corral a wild animal with a soft approach.


    I try and calm myself a little, aware that people around us are looking our way and take some heavy


    inhales to self-soothe; I wipe my face and bring myself back to sane as shame overwhelms me. Gutted


    that I just showed him how afraid of him I can be when it¡¯s a case of my feelings being chewed up all


    over again. I exposed my weakness after saying I never would.


    ¡®I told you that this had to be different or I would walk away,¡¯ I remind him, shuddering with an emotional


    inhale, and Alexi lowers his hands slowly. Deliberate, precise movements that have the strange effect


    of helping me settle too. He¡¯s being careful not to antagonise me and something in his manner is


    helping mee back down to Earth.


    ¡®I know ¡­ I heard you ¡­ loud and clear.¡¯ Alexi sounds softer, indulgent maybe. He probably just wants


    me to stop drawing attention to us and get back in his car, but I¡¯m still wringing myself out, riding the


    tears and painful stabs to my heart.


    ¡®I will go,¡¯ I add strongly, making it clear that my boundaries are set, and ying with me mentally will


    cross the line.


    ¡®I know you will. You don¡¯t have to convince me. I don¡¯t doubt it.¡¯ He quietens too, sombre toned and his


    eyes flicker down to our feet for a moment. A show of submission from him is very rare.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want you to go.¡¯ It¡¯s almost inaudible, he says it so quietly.


    ¡®Then don¡¯t mess with my head, or try to make this more than it is; Business¡ªit¡¯s all we are and it¡¯s the


    only way this works.¡¯ I lift my chin with one final swift sniff and stubborn is stered back on my face¡ª


    emotionally pulling my shit back together and smoothing myself down.


    Alexi closes his eyes for a moment, only a second, but I see it and as he exhales slowly, he brings


    those pale greys up to mine. Although they look foggier storm over the sea right now, and he


    prates me with a loaded look.


    ¡®If that¡¯s what you want ¡­ need ¡­ to stay. Then that¡¯s what you get from me. I swear.¡¯ He seems


    resigned to give up which ispletely unusual for him.


    ¡®It is!¡¯ I answer shortly, and Alexi, a look of defeat overtaking his face that is alien on him, moves back,


    gesturing to his abandoned car on the pavement which is drawing a lot of angry looks from


    pedestrians. Both doors are sitting slightly open and I take another steadying heavy breath to calm my


    nerves, reeling it all back in with a degree of control before I walk past him and head back to it.


    I don¡¯t trust him, but his club is important enough to him that it seems to give me some bargaining


    power. If he wanted me, he could easily break me like he did so many times before. I just proved that.


    Seduction, forcefully ignoring my wishes¡ªHe still has the tools.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    I don¡¯t get why he seems passive and obedient this time around when I put up my boundaries.


    Something in our separation changed whatever this is between us and I am not sure it¡¯s just about the


    club. I am not sure there isn¡¯t something else that I don¡¯t understand, yet.


    I get back in the car without fuss, embarrassed by my public meltdown and silent when he joins me in


    his own seat. Neither of us says anything as we both buckle up and he starts the car again. That


    strained heaviness back between us.


    We continue our drive uptown with very little interaction, but the sizzling atmosphere and weird quiet is


    thick and imposing. He flicks on the radio, almost to cover the awkwardness and seems introverted and


    lost in thought. That good old deadpan and unemotional face he wears most of the time taking over,


    and I revert to inside my head to get myself back on track.


    Push away the little scene we had and try to find that part of me that is capable of standing up to him.


    Despising how he just managed to push me over and shake my emotional foundations. I hate that it¡¯s


    still in me¡ªthat I still care about him so deeply that he can affect me. I can¡¯t deny it after losing my shit


    so easily.


    He still terrifies me, but not in the way he once did. It¡¯s not fear of retribution or fear of how sadistic he


    can be anymore. It¡¯s the fear of feeling things; that he could pull me down that road to loving him again


    and break me even harder than he didst time around. It¡¯s the terror that my heart isn¡¯t as closed off


    and immune as I kept telling myself it was, and being around a different side to Alexi, more than he


    said we would see each other, is having an effect. He¡¯s weakening my resolve and my heart is starting


    to remember what it¡¯s like to love him.


    He said he would stay away ¡­ yet he doesn¡¯t.


    He said he wouldn¡¯t touch me ¡­ and yet he does.


    He said it would be just about business ¡­ yet it¡¯s not.


    I can¡¯t let him mean something to me once more. I have to find that inner strength and push it all down


    and learn that when ites to Alexi Carrero ¡­ that ship has long sailed and my heart should go back


    to sleep in its dark recesses. It¡¯s nothing but a tragedy waiting to happen, and likest time, he would


    walk away unscathed while I¡¯m left festering in my own misery.


    I can¡¯t forget what he did or what he pushed me to do. It¡¯s a deterrent from ever giving him control


    again.

 Chapter 127

    Chapter 127


    The club is high end, huge and very clearly well used in a very trendy part of Midtown, it¡¯s called


    ¡®Alfa¡¯s¡¯. Its d¨¦cor isn¡¯t overly dated, just a little worn and faded, and even empty you can smell the years


    of sweat, boozy-bodied dancers and stale smoke. It¡¯s modern and obviously up market but it just


    misses the little ¡®va voom¡¯ that makes a ce stand out.


    I take a walk around the vast room of multi-levelled tforms and seating as Alexi talks to his manager


    by the bar, sitting sipping an ice water because he is driving and watching me do my slow evaluation.


    He told me to go explore and tell him what I think needs to be done and it¡¯s exactly what I am doing


    while I get a little head space.


    I can feel his eyes on me every second, burning my skin and giving me goosebumps. He¡¯s been


    weirdly quiet and distant since we got in here and that suits me fine. Careful not to get too chummy,


    and even though he opened my car door, he kept his distance and gave me breathing space. It seems


    our little ¡®chat¡¯ has registered somewhere and he¡¯s being a gentleman for once.


    I can handle unemotional and aloof Alexi, when the focus is business.


    * * *


    We walk out into the midday sun after spending a lot longer than nned talking fine details with rk,


    his bar manager. It was better than I thought it would be, and he made me feel valued, as though my


    opinion held real weight while they both listened and rk took notes. I don¡¯t know who Alexi told him I


    was, but the guy treated me as though I had some kind of authority in club d¨¦cor. It was kind of nice.


    Alexi has a file in hand of suggested changes, repairs and such, and a list of things his manager took


    notes on that might improve the takings, all suggested by me. I gave my input and Alexi didn¡¯t find fault


    in a single suggestion; Both of them listening while I gave my feminine point of view on the look and


    feel of what he was aiming for, a real boost to my mood, and yet back in the car we are once again


    strangely silent.


    There¡¯s an atmosphere between us still, one I cannot read but it¡¯s there nheless, and I¡¯m tired from


    the emotional drain it puts on me. I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster in thest couple of hours


    and I am mentally exhausted and a little fragile.


    ¡®Do you want to go for food?¡¯ Alexi breaks into my muggy brain, and I blink his way uncertainly.


    ¡®I¡¯m hungry but I¡¯m not sure having a cosy little lunch date is wise, so I guess not,¡¯ I point out nkly,


    giving him a one-shoulder shrug and a pointed look, but he just smiles at me.


    ¡®Then call it a business lunch, we can recap what we talked about at the club. I¡¯m starving and you


    must be too, it¡¯s after two.¡¯ He is in serious mode¡ªa hint of bossying through and I can tell it¡¯s


    pointless to argue. I wanted this version of him and it is back with a vengeance. I don¡¯t know if that


    should be a sign to rx and maybe I am being over cautious, but either way, he wants us to have


    lunch and NO is falling on deaf ears; Even if he did make a show of asking me first.


    ¡®Fine.¡¯ I back down, literally starving too as I skipped breakfast this morning, and sink back into my seat


    a little huffily. He¡¯s left me feeling bruised all day, regardless of lifting me up in the bar, and I cannot shift


    this weird knot of anxiety in my stomach.


    ¡®Italian?¡¯ He throws me a raised eyebrow as though my input means something and I just eyeroll.


    ¡®Because I obviously don¡¯t have enough of it in my life ¡­ sure ¡­ Italian it is.¡¯ I sigh and look away from


    the furrowed brow he starts giving me and stare out the window at passing scenery instead.


    ¡®I know a little ce close by Club Carrero¡ªfamily-run¡ªreally good food.¡¯ He ignores my obvious put-


    down and just carries on, undeterred; A brighter, chirpier, mellow hue to his voice.


    ¡®By your family?¡¯ I nch at him, weirded out that he might take me somewhere to meet more Carreros


    when things between us aren¡¯t exactly friendly. I am not in the mood to y nice and put on my Cami


    mask anymore today. I¡¯m just tired.


    ¡®Kind of,¡¯ he answers absentmindedly as he leans forward to look behind him out the side of his window


    at trafficing up the side, before he turns left. Distracted by focusing on the road.


    ¡®Meaning?¡¯ They are either family or they are not. He¡¯s vexing me without even trying.


    ¡®A family who took me under their wing when I moved to the city at seventeen; I go there sometimes.¡¯


    He throws me back an odd smile and then concentrates on manoeuvring the car into a little side alley


    which cuts through to another road and gets us moving in a new direction with the traffic heading


    downtown. I am guessing the restaurant is on the way back to the club.


    Great!


    I¡¯ll give Alexi one thing¡ªhe is a very capable and confident driver and I feel strangely safe at his


    chauffeuring abilities.


    Twenty minutester, he silently cuts us through another dim alley and we end up down a very dark,


    small back street that has washing lines strung between the buildings overhead. It¡¯s a bit like going to


    Chinatown, but it¡¯s all bed sheets and aprons and adds to the intimate secrecy of this little building


    nestled in secrecy; Sun shing through the gaps as we move and I wonder at where we are. I know


    it¡¯s Little Italy, where the club is, but I cannot get my bearings as to exactly where.


    There¡¯s barely room for cars down here, and as he parks with the car propped up on the pavement in


    the narrow alley I let myself out, rather than wait for him to be a gentleman and get my door. It¡¯s a real


    squeeze to exit it and he would have no chance fitting in here as well.


    Alexies around the front to meet me at the bo, and, without touching, guides me towards the


    little open door of the small crowded building ahead of us. I can already smell gorgeous food wafting


    our way, infused with garlic and herbs and my mouth starts watering. I may have had reservations


    abouting to eat with him, but now I can smell it I am delighted he decided to bring me here. It


    smells divine and my taste buds start firing on all cylinders from the aroma alone.


    We duck inside and step down into a tiny darkened restaurant, tables crowding the small space with


    red and white chequered cloths and lit candles on each surface. It¡¯s gloomy at first, until your eyes


    adjust from the sunshine outside, but as the roomes into clear view I get the vibe of Old Italian


    heritage and cosy surroundings. Traditional twee but so quaint it¡¯s adorable.


    There¡¯s warmth in the little rustic room and an elderly greying man in brown cords and a cream shirt


    makes a start towards us, catching my attention as he beams with delight at seeing us.


    ¡®Alessandro!!!¡¯ The heavily ented male rushes forward to pat Alexi enthusiastically on the shoulder


    before swooping in and kissing him on both cheeks in a really over dramatic way and hugging him


    heartily. All hugs and back ps in a very OTT wee. Alexiughs, uttering something Italian too


    and hugs him back.


    Italians!


    But¡­


    Who is Alessandro?


    It never dawned on me that Alexi was actually short for something. I never questioned it, and now I can


    hear someone call him that it just does not fit at all. It¡¯s such an old man name for someone as sexy as


    Alexi. I don¡¯t like it on him one bit. Sexy Alexi is a far better title and it has a ring to it.


    When the man steps away he swoops on me and I get a helping of the wet kisses on each side of my


    face, disturbingly so, and I try not to cringe as he rambles away in Italian chatter as though I can


    understand it. I don¡¯t react, just smile politely and take the weird greeting before discreetly patting my


    face with a napkin when he turns his attention back to my date.


    ¡®This is Cami,¡¯ Alexi gestures towards me, smiling brightly and looking a little too Gino, before


    answering the man in fluent Italian again, faultlessly. I find myself gazing at him intensely. There is


    something really hot about Alexi speaking his family¡¯s native tongue so fluently. If you didn¡¯t know any


    better you would think he was a purebred foreigner when he is like this, and it¡¯s captivating to listen to


    that husky voice talk in tongues of romance. I know he must have spent a great deal of time there as


    he harbours an odd twang in his normal dialect, but you don¡¯t tend to notice much unless you listen


    hard.


    He catches my eyes on him and smiles softly, a weird moment between us that makes my skin erupt in


    feathery sensations and I look away uneasily; Stomach flipping and heart drumming intensely from the


    briefest things. Still haven¡¯t got a grip on it.


    When we are shown to the nearest table and settled down, I¡¯m dutifully handed a paper menu that¡¯s


    handwritten and the old man sweeps off to fetch us some fresh hot Italian bread, and water.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    ¡®Alessandro, huh?¡¯ I throw Alexi a smug look and smile, banter over a name that definitely doesn¡¯t suit


    him. I just cannot associate him with it at all. It conjures up greasy pool boys looking for a quicky with


    ageing rich women.


    ¡®Yeah ¡­ Mothers! It¡¯s the Italian form of Alexander. She truly likes to torture her kids. At least it¡¯s not


    Luigino!¡¯ He smiles back, pronouncing Gino¡¯s full name with an ent that could possibly melt knickers


    and that really ends me. I start giggling at the absurdity of that name. It really is worse than Alessandro


    on every level, and now all I can think of is that little Mario brotherputer game duo, and Gino in


    green overalls.


    ¡®Really? I thought Gino was at least just that ¡­ Gino! Jesus, did your mother not like either of you


    much then?¡¯ I ask through my merry giggling fit, forgetting all my stress and weird mood vibes as I rx


    with him. Alexi picks up his menu and bops me on the head with it, looking amused. yfulness back


    on and the air clearing between us once more.


    ¡®Yeah, something like that. She is very traditional and very Italian. My mother likes to remind us of that


    every day.¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t like it ¡­ You¡¯re Alexi, nothing else,¡¯ I point out, and he keeps smiling at me, reminding me of a


    simr conversation over my use of the name Meghan. Leaning back in his chair casually he turns his


    menu to scan it.


    ¡®Do you need trantions?¡¯ He waves it at me and as I look down at my own I can see it¡¯s all in Italian


    and I have no clue what any of it says. It could be symbols and dots for all I can decipher.


    ¡®Hmmm. Why don¡¯t you just pick me something? As long as there is wine to wash it down, I¡¯ll like it. I¡¯m


    not a picky eater.¡¯ I smirk and throw my menu down in front of me, leaning back to match his pose and


    watch him as he reads it.


    ¡®Red? Your favourite colour ¡­ Okay, we could just have today¡¯s special. It¡¯s spinach and four cheese


    risotto with pancetta and mushrooms.¡¯ Alexi nces up at me over the paper and I nod approvingly.


    ¡®Sounds good. And yes, to red ¡­ always.¡¯


    ¡®I could get on board with that.¡¯ He throws his cheeky wink back at me and that weird tension from


    earlier lifts a little¡ªtaking nothing from his retort except a mild flirt. He¡¯s in a charming mood now he


    has food on the brain, and I can let go a little and just go with it. Early upset finally forgotten and I look


    around the quaint little room and really appreciate my surroundings. It has a good ambience, warm and


    friendly and makes for a simr frame of mind. I like it.


    ¡®So how did you find this ce?¡¯ I probe, interested that someone like him would find somece like


    this a good fit. It doesn¡¯t seem all that Alexi to me. Not shy, expensive or sinister enough. It¡¯s a little


    homely and too family feely for our Mafia king and his avoidance of all things wholesome.


    ¡®I kind of fell into it ¡­ literally. I was drunk, lost, trying to find my way home and ended up down here


    somehow one very wet night. I tried to find an exit via the side of the building and thought scaling a


    fence was quicker than walking back out the way I came. I ended up falling into their backyard and


    knocking myself out ¡­ very, very, wasted.¡¯ He raises a brow and gives an apologetic shrug with his


    tale, and I burst outughing and shake my head at him in disbelief.


    ¡®Seems very far away from all the Carrero grandeur to get lost around here. What did they do when


    they found a sleeping Alexi in their garden?¡¯ I ask, lifting the water ss to turn right way up to fill, but


    Alexi is fast and swoops in for the jug before I do and pours me some in a very chivalrous manner.


    Proof he was raised with manners anyway.


    ¡®I started life in an apartment near here ¡­ downtown, average, far away from everyone ¡­ They just put


    me on a fold-up bed in the kitchen to sleep it off. Next morning, they fed me and sent me on my way.¡¯


    ¡®And you came back?¡¯ I seem surprised by this but then I guess seventeen-year-old Alexi was not as


    closed off and untrusting as thirty-two-year-old Alexi and probably wasn¡¯t much like he is now. I get a


    pang of longing to know what he was like back then and try to picture him so much younger and much


    less affected by his world. I wish I could have met him before all that makes him who he is hadn¡¯t fully


    seeped into his soul. Maybe I would have liked him a lot more.


    ¡®I realised I left my wallet around here somewhere, so I had toe back. I didn¡¯t really intend for it to


    be a regr haunt.¡¯ His eyes meet mine with a sort of resigned nod and he carries on filling his


    own ss.


    ¡®And now here we are,¡¯ I point out with a beaming smile as old man Italy brings us his basket of


    breadsticks and deposits a fresh jug of iced water on the table despite the one I¡¯m drinking still being


    cold. He removes the first jug anyway as Alexi gives him an order, still in Italian. He writes it on a little


    pad, nods with a smile, and when the old man totters off I lean in conspiringly.


    ¡®He doesn¡¯t speak English?¡¯ Nodding after him, confused that someone living here for all these years


    hasn¡¯t grasped basic English and he just shakes his head in reply.


    ¡®No. His wife does and his children, but not him. He just never learned how I guess.¡¯


    Talking of such, a girl wanders through casually, around my age,te twenties, and beams at us sitting


    here as soon as she looks up; bursting into overenthusiastic happiness as she spots my Lothario at the


    table.


    ¡®Alessandro!¡¯ She mimics that of the older man, ent not as heavy, and rushes over to paw and kiss


    Alexi on the cheeks, a little flirtier than the old man did, breaks into fluent Italian without looking my way


    once.

 Chapter 128

    Chapter 128


    She¡¯s small and brte, curvy in ces with an ample pair of tits and has that exotic brown-eyed


    beauty of a native Sicilian ¡ªAttractive in a wifely, cosy girl next door kind of way. I¡¯m not impressed


    much by her, and she¡¯s dressed like an Italian peasant right out of a history book. I wonder if it¡¯s the


    gimmick for this ce.


    Alexi is as he always is around adoring Carrero women, even though she is not one. Charming, warm


    and entertaining and seems to think touchy-feely is appropriate as she leans in for an awkward hug


    thatsts for a few seconds. I watch with ack of amusement, gut aching a little while I battle the


    spiralling emotion rising in my stomach of my jealous bitch side clenching her ws into my soul.


    Bitterness has a horrible taste.


    She ignores my presence, even when Alexi says my name mid foreign spew of words, and she barely


    nces my way. It¡¯s not hard to tell she has a major thing for him and I lift my menu, sighing heavily to


    block her out, and pretend to be engrossed in something I cannot read rather than witness this vomit


    inducing show of desperation. There is only so much woman gushing I can take around him, and she


    will probably be in need of an underwear change after this. I swear she¡¯s on the verge of climaxing from


    just getting to touch him.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ Alexi breaks into my thoughts as he nods up to my left and I realise old man is standing with a


    hot te already by my side and waiting patiently for space. I guess specials are already made and


    waiting to be dished. Moving my hands and pushing the menu into the holder in the centre to let him in


    while heys a steaming, gorgeous smelling te in front of me I look up at the duo instead.


    Cling-on is standing with one hand on Alexi¡¯s shoulder, possessively, as she takes the te from her


    father andys it before him like she is serving some sort of lord and master, and that¡¯s when I catch it


    ¡ªthe flicker of deep infatuation as she fondly eye rapes him. The way she keeps nudging in for bodily


    contact under the guise of innocence and that sort of obvious intimacy of two people who have


    definitely seen each other naked. The good little submissive girl pandering to her Dom ¡­ Without a


    shadow of a doubt, I instantly know he¡¯s fucked her.


    She¡¯s definitely his type anyway¡ªmousy little ¡®Yes, Sir¡¯ with no mind of her own and controlled


    completely by him just breathing her way. She is practically ready to lick his boots or drop to her knees


    should hemand a fucking blow job. It¡¯s pathetic and I instantly hate her.


    I roll my eyes as it dawns on me and my mood takes a severe tumble about three floors down. I doubt


    there are many women in this city who have crossed his path in life that he hasn¡¯t bedded, but isn¡¯t it


    sweet he brought me to meet one and have himself a little disy in front of my very eyes. Parading


    exactly what he does in his spare time to wound me in any way he can. He never changes and I fell for


    another game n move to piss me off and test how much it gets to me.


    The answer is¡ªa fucking lot!


    Alexi seems to catch the shift in my mood as I pick up my fork and try to stab my food to death, even


    though it requires a scooping motion. He mutters something to her, so she looks to me, then him, and


    waves a little half-hearted hand with a crushing expression of disappointment aimed my way. She


    walks off in pursuit of her father, who has run off to greet some new guests, with a sour expression. I


    ignore her departure like it doesn¡¯t matter at all. Not going to show him that I am visualising stabbing


    her in the throat with my fork and possibly impaling Alexi¡¯s balls straight afterwards.


    Alexi watches me for a second, says nothing and then starts eating too. A questioning frown on that


    serious face. I am just bubbling up inside like a quiet little volcano about to blow her top and inwardly


    seething.


    ¡®You like?¡¯ he asks after we both down a few mouthfuls in minutes and I just nod disinterestedly, as


    though I have no need for hispany anymore. The food is great, but it could be cardboard for all I


    care right now. Alexi just has a way of making me feel shit without trying and my taste buds are not


    really connecting to my brain which has a million things swirling around in the chaos of a bad mood.


    I¡¯m jealous¡ªI know that¡¯s what this is and it¡¯s dumb and stupid and ridiculous. I don¡¯t want him. I don¡¯t


    want to have feelings for him and therefore it shouldn¡¯t bother me. He¡¯s slept with probably hundreds of


    these mousy doe-eyed girls in his lifetime ¡­ It¡¯s nothing to do with me. Yet I cannot help the slicing,


    sharp stabbing pains in my chest and heart and how close I am to crying. As per usual he has tapped


    directly into my hormonal flip switch and put me on the cliff edge of weeping like a moron.


    ¡®What¡¯s wrong?¡¯ Alexi questions me again and this time I throw on my fake happy face and beam it at


    him. Not willing to ever let him see that he STILL gets to me. It will die in time, I¡¯m sure of it. Little


    disys like this will kill what is left of my beating heart soon enough.


    ¡®Nothing ¡­ enjoying my food. I was starving,¡¯ I answer emotionlessly, and he just frowns harder at me.


    ¡®We both have pasts, Cam.¡¯ He offers as a way of exnation, clearly honing in on what he thinks my


    problem is, but I won¡¯t give him the benefit of the doubt. I won¡¯t let him know that it bothers me.


    Business¡ªthat is all.


    ¡®We sure do ¡­ I¡¯m just enjoying my food, Alexi, nothing else,¡¯ I repeat tly, eyes on the food and not


    him, even though I can see him in my peripheral vision, and he is still looking at me.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    Alexi sighs, his face losing all hints of anything I can read as he just tucks into his too; nces pulling


    my attention every so often as we eat in silence and awkwardness grows between us again.


    See, this is why it should always just be about business when ites to us.


    ¡®You want to talk about the club ¡­ or eat and go?¡¯ Alexi¡¯s mood has nosedived, evident by the edge in


    his voice and I just shrug, not feeling this anymore anyway, and throw him another mock smile that is


    meant to conceal anything deeper going off in my brain.


    ¡®It¡¯s gettingte, we should really move.¡¯ I offer as way of an answer and I catch the closing down of his


    emotions in the flicker of a blink. I see it, the tiny tell of a man who just gave up trying. He looks at his


    food, concentrates on eating quickly, and sticks to downing water to wash it away.


    I, however, quite happily slosh down the red wine like an alcoholic when annoying girles and pours


    it for me. I throw her a scious look to try and hide how much I wish she would just go away and


    choke, but she lingers like a bad smell, and my hatred and anger only multiplies with every second she


    is here. Until the air around me is so toxic it¡¯s almost tinted green with how much venom I am excreting.


    ¡®We don¡¯t need anything else. Thanks.¡¯ Alexi dismisses her coolly and her crumpled expression and


    quick departure do nothing to ease my rage.


    We eat in less than fifteen minutes, both clearing tes without any interaction, or seemingly enjoying


    what had the potential to be amazing food, and act like nothing is amiss between us. Alexi gets up first


    and wanders over to the till seemingly ignoring me. I get up and wander to wait by the exit.


    When he pays the old man, he has a bit of a sentimental goodbye with them, obvious friendship on


    show. I stand back by the door and look disinterested; trying to look anywhere but at him.


    Girly moves in to embrace him needily, wide-eyed and overly enthusiastic at luring him away from me,


    but Alexi somehow manages to block her attempt discreetly and leans to give her a quick peck on the


    cheek before turning on his heel and walking off quickly. She looks surprised, crestfallen at his rebuff,


    and I just turn and walk out first so he doesn¡¯t need to open the door. It should give me a sense of


    satisfaction, but it doesn¡¯t. I¡¯m too low in the pits of misery and self-pity to feel anything else.


    I guess she was boring him, seeing as his attention span to women is about three point five seconds on


    average.


    We walk to the car, feet apart and Ipletely ignore him; Simmering inside and cursing myself out for


    being stupid enough to ever go anywhere with him. I should always remember that he does shit like


    this to get at me, all the time, and just because he¡¯s being nice or appears like he¡¯s not the shit head he


    used to be, it doesn¡¯t mean a damn thing. I get into his car and don¡¯t wait around for him to open my


    door, buckling up quickly.


    The car journey is much like the meal¡ªSilent and strained.


    Two people lost in thought as we stare in different directions, and it¡¯s obvious there is a growing


    agitation in him as the air crackles between us. We drive for about two minutes before he finally kills


    the quiet and snaps at me.


    ¡®What is it? What did I do?¡¯ Alexi sounds pissed, surprisingly, and I just throw him a look that¡¯s meant to


    say ¡®you¡¯re a bit mental, love¡¯ acting like I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s talking about.


    ¡®Don¡¯t even give me that look ¡­ innocent and confused don¡¯t fucking suit you!¡¯ Alexi retorts again, only


    louder and much more venomously, and like a good old shake, he riles my temper too. Bringing it


    bubbling out of my cesspool of rage.


    ¡®Oh, give over.¡¯ I answer in a very British way, ent slipping tomon as he has annoyed me that


    much and roll my eyes at his overreaction. Silence was fine ¡­ he obviously cannot abide being


    ignored.


    ¡®What the fuck did I do?¡¯ Alexi repeats, anger brimming hellishly in that tone, and I just bite like the idiot


    I am. Fire matching his as my calm melts away in the volcanicva that boils up from deep within.


    ¡®Parading your fucking conquests in my face like fucking always. Is that why you took me there? To


    have yet another woman thrown in my fucking face! For daring to deny you and pissing you off?¡¯ I rage


    at him, turning in my seat aggressively to face him off, but he just gawps at me like I¡¯m stupid.


    ¡®What? That¡¯s not what I did ¡­ and she¡¯s hardly recent ¡­ I slept with her when I was eighteen years


    old, Cam. It didn¡¯t even cross my mind!¡¯ He sounds angry, maybe worse than me, but as I am spitting


    bullets and ignoring all the inner warning about making him mad, I carry on.


    ¡®Whatever. I don¡¯t fucking care anyway, so just shut up and leave me alone!¡¯ I spit at him violently.


    ¡®You don¡¯t care huh? Yet you sat in a foul mood and made lunch unbearable, all because some girl I


    fucked over ten years ago came near me. Really seems like it.¡¯ He lets out a sardonicugh and I just


    rip my gaze away and stare out the window, knowing I just walked into that one.


    He now knows I am still jealous ¡­ fucking idiot that I am.


    ¡®Maybe I do okay, but so what? You spent the best part of six months tormenting me with other women,


    so excuse me for still being sensitive about that whole thing and not appreciating it being rubbed in my


    face.¡¯ Tears bite me and I inwardly curse my inability to remain emotionally stable around this man. He


    just brings it out of me like a torrent of unleashed water that I have no control over.


    ¡®I¡¯M FUCKING SORRY!!!!¡¯ He yells at me so loudly it¡¯s like a boom, making me jump in reaction, and I


    just spin on him with a death re of fury; Seat belt straining with the effort of containing me.


    ¡®SORRY DOESN¡¯T CUT IT!¡¯ I screech straight back, right in his face, incensed with the nerve of the


    prick. More so as he puts metal to the floor, giving it more gas and speeds up our journey back to the


    club. My heart ends up in my throat as I cling onto my seat in sheer terror, but I won¡¯t give him the


    satisfaction of seeing me scared at his driving. He¡¯s only trying to get at me.


    ¡®Neither does giving you half my club, my apartment, my time and attention or my fucking patience, it


    seems,¡¯ Alexi snarls. Tone moving to that low and serious psycho level I used to melt into a puddle at


    hearing, but not this time, not anymore.


    ¡®You can¡¯t buy forgiveness, Alexi!¡¯ I snap, battling myself to try to remain calm as the swirling fury builds


    up inside of me tobat my exploding nerves.


    ¡®So tell me how I do gain it, Cam? ¡­ because I have no fucking clue when ites to you, and


    whether you believe it or not ¡­ I am sorry for what I did to you. I am just so sick of trying to figure out


    how to prove it.¡¯ He sounds fed up, angry and just over this whole conversation already.


    ¡®Maybe I need to know why? Maybe you just need to tell me what it is that I did to deserve it, so I can


    understand why? What it was about me that made you want to destroy me ¡­ I need to understand why


    you did all that and then U turnedpletely and brought me back again. MAYBE I need to know what


    happened in those four months that changed you from a total prick to someone who takes me out on


    lunch dates and buys me birthday gifts like he might actually give a shit. I don¡¯t get it ¡­ I don¡¯t get how


    you can go from hating me to acting like you might care, or is all this still just a game to you? How am I


    expected to believe anything you say or do when I don¡¯t trust any of your motives?¡¯ It¡¯s out in a whoosh


    of tears, hatred and frustration. Hands shaking, body stiff as I confront him and Alexi falls instantly


    silent, deadpan taking over as he looks at me and swallows hard.


    There¡¯s a long silent stretch as he looks from me to road and then back again; Furrowed brow


    deepening, a look in his eyes that I cannot ce, and then he sighs heavily and swallows again.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t hate you ¡­ I cared. I always cared. I just didn¡¯t believe you or trust you. I read you all wrong


    and I hurt you to punish you for getting to me in ways I couldn¡¯t control.¡¯ He sounds different. His anger


    has dissipated, reced with a quieter wounded tone. A hint of emotion in his voice, sombre, and


    losing all his aggression.


    I actually believe his words for once because there is something in his deliverance that says honesty. I


    don¡¯t know why I know, but I do.


    There it is though, between us¡ªthe confession I needed to hear that night when I held a gun to my


    head, whether it¡¯s true or not.


    Too little toote.


    ¡®Believe me? ¡­ What do you mean believe me? What are you talking about?¡¯ I pick apart his dialogue


    and assess it, but that one sticking point needs more rification. I feel all messy in my head, jumbled


    up and clinging onto thest ounces of calm as confusion mingles with some sense of hurt and relief at


    getting a real answer from him.


    I look at him pleadingly ¡­ brain going back to the million times we were together and what exactly I did


    to be doubted.


    I didn¡¯t tell him how I felt until he had me twisted up inside, chewed me up and spat me out. I don¡¯t


    understand what he means by that statement. I never lied to him or told him anything he could take as


    a lie. There was nothing to not ¡®believe¡¯ in any of it.

 Chapter 129

    Chapter 129


    ¡®The sob stories, tears ¡­ games ¡­ vulnerability ¡­ fear. I saw the person I thought you were, your


    reputation¡ªNothing else. I saw someone trying to manipte me, Cam ¡­ You wouldn¡¯t be the first


    woman to use abuse as a way to make a man soften towards her.¡¯ He looks away, almost as though


    he¡¯s ashamed to utter the words to me, and it kicks me in the gut like a mule. His words slice at me like


    a dull knife straight through my soul, and I flinch in rage as I get exactly what he means.


    He thought I was ying him, and all those times he broke me to pieces, was all an act to get under his


    skin.


    ¡®Believe that I was abused, or that I was traumatised by what you did to me? Fuck you! ¡­ You have no


    idea what I have lived through. What men have done to me. How dare you!! HOW FUCKING DARE


    YOU!! And you¡¯re a liar! If you ever really cared about me, then why did you keep pushing me until you


    broke me, and then stood there and let me break my heart at your feet? Why did you leave me in that


    hospital to rot when you thought I almost died, and try to pay me to go away, to get out of your life?¡¯ I


    yell at him, enraged, overwrought and emotionally unstable all at the same time. I unclip my belt as


    soon as I realise we are pulling into the car park of the club already, no longer able to stand to breathe


    the same air as him. It must have only been minutes from here to the restaurant.


    I don¡¯t wait for him to stop either, just push open the door to jump out, not waiting for answers to my


    ranting when I cannot conceal the sizzling energy coursing through me. He ms on the breaks so I


    don¡¯t roll out of a moving vehicle with the rapid exit I make, and we screech to a halt as my feet hit the


    tarmac.


    ¡®Cam!¡¯ Alexi yells after me, but I am already out of his car, walking off at speed, bubbling like a volcano


    and hating him with every single part of my soul; Tears running down my face and wounded to my core.


    Nothing he could have said would take away the depth of heartache I feel at his hands.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ Alexi calls after me and then is drowned out by the roar of his car as he parks it at speed in the


    nearest space and I spin in rm. Fear gripping me instinctively with the violent sound his engine


    makes and know he just sped across the park in anger.


    ¡®WATCH OUT FOR FERAL!¡¯ I screech, eyes scanning the lot hysterically, thoughts of him running him


    over and killing my little scruffy beast hit me hard, and then almost crumble as I sigh thankfully when I


    catch sight of a little ball of ginger fur curled up beside his food bowls from earlier; where I left him. It¡¯s


    like a wash of cold water as the sheer relief sweeps through my blood.


    Automatically I move to him, to protect him from the insane psycho and his overly expensive machine


    and pause in sixth sense terror as something grips me coldly with how he looks.


    Feral is where we left him, curled up peacefully like a small ginger ball of fluff, right beside his food ¡­


    except ¡­ he¡¯s napping.


    Out in the open, in daylight, exposed¡ªsomething he never does.


    My heart skips a beat and Ipletely pause. Mind numbing over as my breathing hitches in terror.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ Alexi crosses the park towards me, still agitated and has that same angry tone as he catches


    up to me, but I hold up a hand in desperation to silence him as I edge forward and move closer to


    Feral. Something deep inside me telling me that this is wrong ¡­ something isn¡¯t right. I can barely find


    the strength to take the steps forward. He doesn¡¯t move or lift his head as I approach.


    Alexi obeys¡ªFalling still and quiet as he moves to me much less aggressively andes level with


    me, turning to look at what I am.


    Feral always senses youing.


    He always runs and hides before you get within five-feet, but he¡¯s not doing anything exceptying


    there as still as a statue. Nothing at all is moving, not even the little rise of his body as he breathes.


    My heart starts beating out of my chest painfully, blood rushing through my ears deafeningly. All


    previous rage forgotten as a cold icy panic grips me inside and I move even closer, crouching slowly,


    slightly afraid to touch the soft ginger fur. My hands are trembling noticeably.


    Alexi stops me with a hand on my upper arm that pulls me back gently, steps in front of me a little and


    leans in swiftly past me as he nudges him softly with outstretched fingertips, a tad roughly as though


    sensing what it is I think I see.


    Feral doesn¡¯t move, and somewhere inside I already know what that means. I knew the second I got


    near him ¡­ That eerie coldness around him that onlyes with death; that same quiet aura of


    sucking the warmth out of the air around a body that I felt when my mother died at my feet.


    My head doesn¡¯t want to say it but my heart knows as it breaks in two, and I burst into instant heartfelt


    tears.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    Feral¡¯s dead ¡­ his affection this morning was his way of saying goodbye¡ªFor giving him a better end


    to his days where he was fed and cared for in a small way. He knew he was leaving me.


    I fall apart. Tears hitting hard and my body sags weakly as Ipletely crumble and lose the ability to


    stand.


    Alexi straightens fast and pulls me against him, wraps his arms around my fragile frame and tugs my


    face in against his throat as he consoles me and bes my stability. Hands keeping me locked tight


    to that massive body, and even though we are fighting, and I hate him, he gives me what I need but


    didn¡¯t know I did. He cradles me, cuddles me in, wrapping me up tight, sheltering me as though I¡¯m a


    small child in need of protection, and holds my skull against his neck with a strong hand in the back of


    my hair¡ªWrapping around me fully.


    ¡®He was old ¡­ it was his time. He died knowing you cared, Cam.¡¯ he hushes me against my temple,


    enveloping me in his solid embrace, and I can do nothing but cling to him hopelessly¡ªburying my face


    against his chest as I cry my heart outpletely broken over such a stupid thing. My armscing


    around his wide torso and I screw my eyes shut to stop the tears flowing free. I can¡¯t do anything


    except sob like a broken child while my body is wracked with a pain bigger than me.


    Alexi holds me tight and says nothing more, just lets me crumble for the first few minutes before the


    calm of shock grips me and I start to softly whimper instead; Still held against him, trembling and


    inhaling his smell, his aftershave, as it gives me a sense of calm. The feel of his clothes and muscles


    tight against me as he grips onto me in a non-sexual embrace that holds me up. He¡¯s being my


    support, even if minutes ago we were yelling at one another. It all adds to that sense that it¡¯s going to


    be okay. It hurts but it¡¯s bearable when I¡¯m held safe like this.


    We are so screwed up.


    ¡®I¡¯ll have Jackson and Micoe out and take him to be cremated. You can have his ashes if you want


    them.¡¯ Alexi sounds like he always does, unemotional and just cold, but his suggestion isn¡¯t so. He¡¯s


    offering me some sort of console in a way he knows how. Maybe he doesn¡¯t feel anything about Feral


    dying, or even know how to sound like he has any empathy, but I do, and he¡¯s trying to be what I need


    him to be right now. He¡¯s acting as if I matter. He¡¯s trying to show he can care, in his own way.


    It¡¯s not the man I know ¡­ It¡¯s the man who took care of me when I was in shock that night Santagato¡¯s


    man tried to take me¡ªthe man who took care of sick Cami when she spiked a fever. It¡¯s the man


    who climbed into my heart, despite myself, showed me hints of someone else and enabled the sadistic


    in him to ruin me.


    I tip my chin up, feeling him move back, so I can look at him and try to dry my tears as I swallow down


    the mess going off inside of me.


    ¡®He was just a stupid cat ¡­ it doesn¡¯t matter.¡¯ I have to force the words out, through garbled sniffs as I


    try to push him away, ashamed at my heart-wrenching reaction to losing something that wasn¡¯t even


    mine. He just catches my hands and pulls me into his arm once more as he slides it about my


    shoulders, turns us, and starts guiding me to the building carefully. Treating me like fragile china as he


    makes sure I¡¯m steady on my feet and leads me to the door without letting me go.


    I give in and let him, needing his strength right now as my heart bleeds out of my body, and I cannot


    bear to look back and see Feral lying there alone.


    ¡®Don¡¯t leave him like that!!¡¯ I jerk my face up in rm, voice crushed with the depth of pain I am in,


    panic slicing through me at that thought, and he turns to me swiftly. Complete exhaustion swimming


    over me with the torrent of feelings I cannot control.


    ¡®I won¡¯t ¡­ Soon as you are inside and settled I¡¯ll get them out here. I won¡¯t leave him here. I promise.¡¯


    Softly spoken, Alexi traces a tear from my cheek and wipes it away before it drips from my chin to meet


    the dampness on my bodice from the rest. Just adding to how broken and vulnerable I feel. I can¡¯t bear


    to look back and see Feral once more ¡­ left curled up in the sunshine as though he¡¯s merely asleep.


    Another slicing stab to my heart bites me and I clutch onto Alexi with my arms as though he holds the


    key to making it stop consuming me darkly.


    It¡¯s easy to forget who he is when he¡¯s being like this and I lean in against him and bury my face in his


    chest once more, pulling his arm around me to blot out how much this hurts. I¡¯m not akin to this kind of


    grief, not even when my mother died, and I don¡¯t know how to handle it. It¡¯s thrown my whole mind and


    soul into chaos.


    Alexi gets me inside, the sun changing to dark gloom and I have to blink to adjust to the change. Still


    attached to him and needy, even though my self-preservation is kicking in and telling me to let him go. I


    shouldn¡¯t be wrapped in his hold like this. It only confuses things, and I was the one who told him to


    never touch me. Even though, here I am, holding on for dear life like he is an anchor to the shore and


    all because of a bloody cat.


    The visual of that little stupid furball in my head sets me off again and he just pulls my face against him


    once more, cradling me from sight as he takes me to the lift, past milling security, and finally deposits


    me inside. He stands me in the corner, so I can prop up against the wall, and gently strokes back my


    hair away from my soaked cheeks and uses the hem of his t-shirt to dry my face. Exposing muscled


    abdomen as he does so and it stops me crying for a moment to make me giggle absurdly¡ªsuch a


    weird thing to do or use as a hanky and definitely not an Alexi thing. He strokes a thumb across my


    cheek tenderly and tilts my face to look at him. There isn¡¯t much in that face, but a softness in his eyes


    and a slight hint of gentle in his manner.


    The loss of him around me is sobering and I blink around at my surroundings as ites into view;


    tiredness rising up with the overwhelming emotions that hit me all at once. I feel like I have been body-


    mmed by a brick wall.


    ¡®I¡¯ll just be a minute.¡¯ He lets me go, turns around and pushes the door button so it opens again and


    disappears for a moment, leaving me here alone. I lean back against the internal wall and try to bring


    some calm back to my frazzled heart. Wiping my still damp face and sniffing back the dumb tears that


    just keep falling.


    I push Feral¡¯s little one-eyed face out of my brain as another buckling pain hits me in the chest and


    shove it down with all that has ever hurt me in life. Bringing back a littleposure and wrapping my


    own arms snuggly around me to give myself thefort he has removed. I feel cold and start


    shivering, unsure how tobat all these crazy bodily reactions I am having. I just feel so


    disconnected.


    Alexi reappears as the doors start to slide shut, catching it with his palm, seconds before closing, and


    pushes it back toe inside. He looks me over for a second before hitting the fourth-floor button and


    hesitates abouting close again. Seems he ising upstairs with me anyway and I¡¯m not sure if I


    want him toe back and cuddle me. I shouldn¡¯t be letting him console me this way.


    He doesn¡¯t attempt to touch me this time, standing facing me, maybe second-guessing the likelihood I


    need another hug and leans against the wall, mirroring my pose. I just stare at the ground between us


    and take long heaving breaths to silence my own sobbing. Calming even while my soul fills up with icy


    emptiness and my head moves into the surreal state of dreamlike quiet that follows shock. I have


    suffered it many times, so I know the expected aftereffects like the back of my hand.


    ¡®You must think I¡¯m really dumb ¡­ crying over a stray animal I barely knew,¡¯ I utter at him, unable to


    look up and a little ashamed that I showed this side of me to anyone, let alone him. This is not how I


    react to things in life. I never cried over my own mother so why would I cry over a back-alley moggy


    that was about as pleasant to me as toothache? There is something wrong with me. The only time I


    ever had this type of extreme over reaction and heartbreak was the night Alexi broke me.


    I am starting to feel detached as the numbness overtakes me and instead a sweeping sense of


    complete tiredness moves in. It douses all else out and makes me so heavy I just want to lie down. I


    know this is normal after something shocking you, and maybe I need to take a nap and let the surreal


    exhausted phase pass. Fighting the fatigue as it weightily falls over me like a fog.

 Chapter 130

    Chapter 130


    Alexi regards me for a long moment, so much so I look up at him to see if he even heard me and catch


    those calm grey eyes locked on me. He looks thoughtful and strangely sobering.


    ¡®When Gino and I were around nine years old we looked after a stray dog we called Benny ¡­¡¯ He


    frowns at me, an air of cute boy crossing his face as though locked onto a happy memory of a pet he


    once loved. A tiny little hint of dimple as something in his mind¡¯s eye makes him smile just a fraction. I


    quieten myself down and listen intently, immediately drawn to the hints of genuine in him and captured


    by it.


    ¡®This one day, after school, we took a bone down to the street where we knew he liked to hang around


    during the day, and we found his body in the gutter ¡­ car had hit him and he had died quickly from his


    injuries when we weren¡¯t there.¡¯ Alexi frowns harder and that softness pales out to a far more sinister


    look that I am more familiar with; the look of a calcting mind focusing on heinous acts, no doubt. I


    frown too, tears filling my eyes for him in sympathy for a loss I am able to understand. Another pang of


    pain at what he is saying as I imagine two little boys finding their beloved Benny how I just found Feral


    and it strikes a low ache in my gut as I grip myself tighter and try to shake it away.


    ¡®Did you cry over him?¡¯ I ask softly out of curiosity, wondering if that¡¯s why he is telling me this. If maybe


    feeling more for an animal than any human before is normal for screwed up people like us¡ªMore


    compassion for something defenceless.


    ¡®Gino did ¡­ for hours. He ended up keeping my mom up all night with how bad he was about it,


    hysterical crying. Nothing could console him.¡¯ Alexi stops staring at me and looks at his hands instead,


    then to the floor; almost as though he¡¯s ufortable remembering that about his brother.


    ¡®You didn¡¯t cry though?¡¯ I probe gently, knowing it¡¯s unlikely, he doesn¡¯t seem the type and Alexi shrugs


    and brings that light-coloured gaze back to mine hauntingly¡ªNothing there except good old deadpan


    and emotionless. He would have said both of them, had he cried too.


    ¡®No. I didn¡¯t. I set about finding out who hit him instead ¡­ kids saw what happened; some asshole with


    a shy red Ferrari a block away, left him to die.¡¯ The coldness in that familiar tone makes me shiver.


    ¡®What did you do when you found him? Tell your father? ¡­ report it?¡¯ I question, distracted from my


    own sorrow and invested in the story of little Alexi instead. Trying to imagine what he looked like as a


    tiny nine-year-old boy, big grey eyes and broken over his little dog. It gets me right in the heart in


    excruciating ways.


    ¡®I went to his house and waited for him toe home. Then I hammered nails into his tyres and


    covered his paintwork in battery acid while he was inside, as payback ¡­ He killed something I loved,


    so I killed something he loved. I guess I was never someone who showed emotion in a healthy way,


    even that young. I carry the Carrero curse that Gino seemed to bypass.¡¯ Alexi smirks, but it¡¯s in a sad


    way at thest statement, almost as though cursing his own ws. The darkness moving into that face I


    know well and even though it should put another shiver down my spine¡ªit doesn¡¯t. I just conjure up an


    angry little boy who didn¡¯t know how to express his emotions in the right way. He cared; he showed he


    did in a way that not many would understand. He exacted revenge for someone hurting something he


    loved and I wonder if he still has the same w now.


    ¡®Sounds very much like an Alexi reaction.¡¯ I smile softly too; less distraught as good old emptiness


    bes my dominant emotion and wipe another tear away from my now drying eyes. Somehow


    understanding that little kid and his violent outburst when he was in pain; that wild little boy who grew


    up to be a wild six-foot man who still handles emotions badly.


    ¡®I don¡¯t think it was the healthiest way to grieve, but I didn¡¯t know any different.¡¯ He hits me with the little


    half smirk and dimple again, this time it is self-mockery and genuine and it makes me smile too¡ªA


    strange atmosphere developing between us.


    ¡®Well who got over the loss faster ¡­ You or Gino?¡¯ I ask, wondering if he is telling me I should man up


    and find another way to feel sad over the loss of Feral. If that is what the moral of this story is. To find


    an outlet in another way and not be weak like his brother was.


    ¡®I doubt my brother is telling anyone about that dog over twenty yearster ¡­¡¯ Alexi locks those eyes


    on me and I get it¡ªhis message is a contradiction to my presumption. In an instant; I was wrong about


    what he was saying.


    He¡¯s telling me that I am not dumb to cry and that maybe it¡¯s what I need to do to move on. He¡¯s telling


    me that I¡¯m not an idiot for caring about some stray I barely knew ¡­ because he did too, a long time


    ago. He didn¡¯t cry, but he cared, and he showed it in weird ways.


    Maybe, in the same way, instead of telling me he cared, he brought me back and gave me half his club.


    Who knows? I don¡¯t even want to dissect why he does the things he does. Or why I feel like he¡¯s slowly


    trying to give me glimpses that there¡¯s someone more inside of him.


    Unexpected sympathy from a man I never thought would ever give any. He gets why I¡¯m hurt, and he¡¯s


    telling me it¡¯s okay to be so. Somehow it makes me feel a little better, that it¡¯s okay to not be okay.


    I never knew I needed anyone to say that to me before, but I do. I am so tired of being strong and


    alone. I never thought that message woulde from him of all people.


    When the door opens on the apartment floor he pulls me into him by the arm and drapes his about my


    shoulders to lead me. He guides me to the door and I don¡¯t argue about it, d to have someone else


    take control for a while. I feel shaken and surreal, and right now his touch is giving me something I


    need¡ªfor once it¡¯s okay to let him touch me. His unexpected empathy and gentleness is feeding the


    empty hole that¡¯s forming in my chest and staving off the chill that¡¯s trying to consume me.


    I know it¡¯s stupid to let him, but there¡¯s a need in me to feel some sort of contact from him while my


    heart is breaking.


    When we get inside he lets me go with a gentle push towards the couch, urging me to go sit while he


    banks left to the kitchen and pulls out two sses and his favourite brand of gin. I move to the couch


    and slide down watching him, pulling my shoes off and curling my legs under me as I yank a throw


    cushion into myp and cuddle it close. I focus on his strong back as he moves and fixes us drinks with


    ice, and sit silently mesmerised, like I don¡¯t know how else to behave. I feel like this is all now some


    kind of dream and I am not really here.


    He walks back to me carrying both of them as ice clinks merrily in the liquid. I just watch him silently,


    feeling out of my head somehow; An alternate reality where Alexi is my friend and caregiver and I


    forget how much I despise him. A reality where I need hispany to help me feel okay.


    ¡®Here. Best thing for you right now.¡¯ He hands me a ss and sits beside me, dropping an arm behind


    me along the couch to cage me in, even though he doesn¡¯t physically touch me, and without hesitation


    I fall in against his side and rest my head on his shoulder sighing heavily, sinking in and letting myself


    fall weightless. I sip on the warm liquid he gave to me, burning my throat as it goes down, yet it¡¯s


    soothing in a way, warming my insides and just stare ahead at the t TV screen even though it¡¯s not


    on. My head instantly swimming so that I feel dizzy.


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    He doesn¡¯t react, it¡¯s as though this ispletely normal for us and it makes me rx all the more. He


    just picks up the TV remote and switches on the big screen without disturbing me too much. The lights


    are on in here, but with the remote he dims them to dark and leaves us only in the lights from the


    screen and some random movie that¡¯s half way through. The apartment is windowless so even though


    there¡¯s sunshine outside, there¡¯s no light in here anymore, and it feels like night-time already. It¡¯s


    incredibly intimate in a safe warm way.


    ¡®Don¡¯t go down there tonight ¡­ I¡¯ll stay with you. Joanne can work the floor for you and you can have a


    night of quiet and rest.¡¯ He slides his hand to my shoulder from behind and pulls me snugly against


    him, encased in a strong arm so I curl fully and drop my cushion into hisp instead. No resistance to


    being in his embrace. It feels oddly normal, somehow soothing¡ªfamiliar.


    ¡®I just need a little time to regroup, I¡¯ll be okay ¡­ I always am.¡¯ I hesitate, distracted by the way his


    warm body and hard muscles are almost perfectly shaped to amodate me and feel like this is the


    most natural way to sit.


    What happened to Alexi the prick Carrero? The guy who would only touch me to abuse me?


    ¡®You don¡¯t have a choice. I¡¯m taking care of you now, and I¡¯m telling you we stay here and forget about


    the club tonight. It isn¡¯t going anywhere.¡¯ Alexi sounds stern and this time he pushes me gently so I fall


    into hisp, unable to stop myself. My head hits the cushion I dropped so I end up lying down on my


    side on his legs. Curled up in a loose foetal position that reminds me howpletely wiped out I am,


    and I don¡¯t want to get back up. He starts stroking my hair carefully, from root to jawline as gently as he


    can and it makes my scalp tingle all over in the most body satisfying way. My eyes flicker heavily as I


    surrender to how good this feels. A huge sense of still andfort that wipes my brainpletely


    nk. No one has ever stroked my hair before.


    His fingers move to trail along my temple and down the length of my hair to shoulder, tingling across


    my skin softly. Igniting a calming sensation as his gentle touch gives me prickles and butterflies all over


    and inside my body.


    ¡®Neither of us needs to be down there ¡­ I¡¯m tired, you¡¯re upset. Let¡¯s just watch a movie, order food


    and vegetate for one night. I could use the night off and you need one. I¡¯m not leaving you alone and


    you¡¯re in no state to work the floor.¡¯ Alexi brings his hand back up to my head and starts gently twirling


    a strand of my hair around his finger, killing the protest which was forming on my lips. Despite all my


    little warning bells going off like crazy, I close my eyes and just enjoy the tender sensation.


    No one has ever yed with my hair or spent time trying to soothe me in any way. No one has ever sat


    and just cuddled me for any reason that didn¡¯t prelude to sex and no one has ever let me lie in theirp


    and just vegetate. I wonder if this is what being loved is meant to feel like and it wells up in my chest


    like an expanding lump.


    I don¡¯t care if this is just another gamey or mind-fuck anymore. I want to lie here and let it all drift


    away in this sea of gentleppinging over me from the hypnotic way he is making my scalp tickle


    and zing. I want to feel cherished, even if it¡¯s a lie. It¡¯s the most rxing sensation I have ever known,


    better than a full body massage.


    Right now, he is making me feel safe, and if I focus on nothing else then I can pretend, for one night,


    that he cares about me. I can feelplete for just a little while and forget that I am always so lonely.


    Alexi slides the ss out of my hand that I was unaware I was still holding, and I don¡¯t respond. Eyes


    shut as I slide onto my back and continue to bask in his fingers trailing my hair in the semi-darkness,


    with only the background noise of the television. He switches hands and strokes the other side of my


    face softly, erupting goosebumps on my skin unobtrusively as he traces my cheek and jawline very


    carefully. He shifts under me to getfier and put his feet on the coffee table, so I have a more even


    surface and I catch the noise of his shoes hitting the floor as he slips them off. He wiggles under me a


    little lower so he can sit snugger into the couch. Gettingfy so he can watch his movie and leave


    me be. Alexi has no obvious intention of leading this to anything more and Ipletely rx, somehow


    knowing, deep down; he won¡¯t try anything with me. Sex isn¡¯t on his agenda.


    I stretch my legs out so I am extended along the leather surface of the seat and leave my weight to


    surrender to thefy position I find myself in, shutting down my brain and letting the fatigue from how


    I feel overtake me.


    It¡¯s notte, barely even five p.m., but I need to take some time out and sleep for a little while. Re-


    centre my brain and let the shock of finding Feral sink in so it doesn¡¯t hurt as much anymore. I am


    emotionally overwrought and exhausted, and I want to numb out all the pain and sorrow from finding


    my little kitty cat has gone and left me. I miss him already ¡­ so very much.


    ¡®Just an hour maybe ¡­ then I¡¯ll get up and go down to work,¡¯ I murmur softly, voice hazing out as I drift


    off quickly, feeling unusually safe in a ce that I probably shouldn¡¯t.


    ¡®We¡¯ll see. Don¡¯t think about it anymore, just sleep.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice melts over me protectively and gnaws


    at the little bouts of suspicion going off inside of me, despite my resignation to take this at face value.


    ¡®Why are you being so nice to me?¡¯ I murmur so softly it¡¯s barely coherent but his fingers continue


    trailing and twirling my hair hypnotically, pulling me down into darkness and peace.


    ¡®Because I want to be ¡­ and you deserve me to be.¡¯ It¡¯s a soft response, gentle and husky.


    ¡®Hmmm,¡¯ it¡¯s thest thing I utter as I give in to the rxation and start dozing away into slumber;


    Heavy darkness pulling me down into oblivion.


    If my senses were on the high alert like normal, he would be thest person I would ever let myself fall


    asleep on.

 Chapter 131

    Chapter 131


    I wake up in my own bed. Well, once again ON my bed, with a throw over me, and yet again, it¡¯s mid-


    morning and I cannot remember anything after falling asleep. There¡¯s no way I just slept right through


    from five p.m., but as I check my bedside clock it shes nine forty-three a.m. at me and I rub my eyes


    in disbelief. I didn¡¯t dream, no night terrors, no crazy shadows and monsters dragging me out of


    slumber¡ªa silent dreamless sleep that almost never happened before I came back here. This is


    happening more and moretely and I feel refreshed from a full night¡¯s rest.


    I am still wearing yesterday¡¯s dress, so Alexi must have brought me through and put me to bed at some


    point. This is getting to be a habit for him, and I sit and ponder for a moment the fact that he didn¡¯t even


    try to wake me or do anything beyond let me sleep.


    I still don¡¯t trust him, but somehow,tely ¡­ I don¡¯t hate him quite so much either. He keeps showing


    me glimpses of another side, and as much as I keep telling myself that it¡¯s a lie¡ªan act, a way to get at


    me¡ªthere¡¯s a part of me that wants to believe in those parts of him as something real.


    The same idiot girl who looked for love in a heart incapable of loving her ¡­ I am a fool.


    I fell asleep on Alexi¡¯sp like some damn trusting moron; I don¡¯t even know why I keep falling into this


    cycle of caring for him.


    Yesterday was exhausting, the fights in the car that we never finished, and the way he was with me


    after Feral ¡­ which reminds me of my loss. It hits hard again with a thud to my stomach which I


    immediately mentally block out and push away.


    I learned the best way to deal with emotional pain is to push it away quickly, stop thinking about it and


    focus on anything else until it stops hurting so much. That¡¯s what I intend to do to forget that beast and


    remove its little ws from my heart strings.


    Alexi has left me feeling strange and disconnected somehow. Confused hopelessly over what he is to


    me¡ªwho he is anymore.


    He¡¯s not the person he was before I left. He¡¯s not the Alexi who made me crumble to dust anytime he


    saw signs of my weakness or used them against me. I still have those same weaknesses, yet he hasn¡¯t


    dared to breach them again.


    He hasn¡¯t tried to control me or hurt me in any real physical way ¡­ except after Miami when he called


    me a whore ¡­ but we were both calling each other names and it was a reaction to rejecting him. He


    hasn¡¯t forced a seduction on me, even when he went for a kiss and I said no.


    When I said NO before I left, he would just use his hold over me to bend my will and catch me in his


    trap of powerless submission. He could do it again so easily if he wanted to, and yet he hasn¡¯t¡ªNot


    once.


    He was genuinely hurt at my rejection that night, and instead of sadistic or manipting, he walked off


    with a wounded expression and left me alone.


    He has kept to a boundary even if it¡¯s on his terms ¡­


    No touching equates to no sex for him and not general day to day touchy-feely. So, in his mind, he¡¯s


    doing what I asked by not seducing me.


    Stay away. Well, that one he just seems to ignore and is here more than not, just likest time. Not that


    I canin. His presence has helped me move on a little, and I would be lying if I said I didn¡¯t


    sometimes like him around.


    Keeping this business between us? I guess him not seducing me is what he deems enough, and


    maybe growing closer neutrally is a sign he really is trying to build a tonic rtionship. I see hints of


    it.


    Likest night.


    Alexi is multiyered andplex and I don¡¯t know what¡¯s real anymore.


    I keep waiting for the punishments, the cruelty and the blows to my heart with the cruel words of how


    little I matter to him, and yet they don¡¯te. Not this time. It¡¯s almost like he is afraid he may push me


    to that point again where I held a gun to my head and willed my life to be over. He seems cautious


    around me as though that night left a mark on him too.


    It¡¯s in the small things. The way he keeps avoiding standing directly behind me, he even apologised for


    it that day in the office. He knows it¡¯s something that makes me ufortable, and he actively tries not


    to do it now. He bites his tongue most of the time instead of reacting to my anger, and when I flew for


    him in Miami, he has never brought it up again that I dared toy hands on him. I know it¡¯s a huge


    trigger for punishment, and yet, nothing.


    Alexi has changed ¡­ when ites to me anyway.


    He told me he cared, he always cared and I don¡¯t know whether I should believe him or not. He never


    ever told me that before. He always made a point of making me believe the opposite, to wound me. It¡¯s


    like hurting me is thest thing on his agenda this time, even if his impatience and frustration get in the


    way.


    He said he read who I was wrong and that he thought it was all a lie ¡­


    Does he mean my tears, my reactions to what he did to me? Surely, he couldn¡¯t think how I reacted in


    the Hamptons to what he did was all just an Oscar worthy act to get under his skin. I waspletely


    powerless and he traumatised me.


    But then ¡­


    If he saw only a maniptive woman known for her skills in working any angle to get her way,


    combined with his deep-set mistrust of any mere mortal without the Carrero bloodline, then maybe he


    didn¡¯t really see me as genuine at all.


    If the tables were turned, would I believe in someone I picked off the street, who had screwed a known


    drug mule for fifty G, and then proceeded to try to manipte him in the first days of meeting him? My


    reputation for lies and deceit and cold-hearted opportunism preceded me. Alexi had to have known all


    about my colourful existence, and the way I made my money and manipted men effortlessly. I


    thrived by seducing men and lying to get what I needed.


    His guard was up before he even knew me. And who am I kidding? Manipting and using him was


    exactly the n I had in mind for King Carrero. Fate is the one who whipped the rug out from under me


    and made me show him the genuine someone else I could be, without even knowing why I was


    choosing him to be the one. He didn¡¯t know thating into his world gave me a chance to be


    someone else and I took it.


    I just don¡¯t know anymore. I will never be able to justify what he did to me¡ªEven if it was misguided


    and based on mistrust. He still crushed me, and when I told him how I really felt, he destroyed my


    heart. I tried to tell him the truth and whether he dismissed it as a lie or just didn¡¯t care, I will never


    know.


    If he had actually cared ¡­ it would never have gone the way it did.


    Maybe this is just more maniption, and telling me he does now is more about pulling me close and


    keeping me obedient. He gets more of that when he ys nice, and maybe he has realised it is far


    more effective than cruelty.


    That sounds more like Alexi¡¯s way of thinking ¡­ keep her sweet ¡­ keep her amicable ¡­ keep her


    obedient. And we all know how much he loves control.


    I push myself out of bed with a heavy sigh. The weight of heartache still lingering as a grey cloud over


    me and I walk out into the lounge with slow steps. I just feel wretched today, a doom and gloom


    hovering, and I cannot bear to think of that little furball. The ache in my chest from knowing he¡¯s not out


    there anymore is heavy and exhausting.


    I jump, startled and insides leap to my mouth when I walk into the view of Alexi on the couch in his


    workout hoody. The one with the sleeves cut away so it¡¯s all tanned and tattooed arms and shoulders


    on show and sweatpants as he works on hisptop. He has his feet crossed on the coffee table, face


    down as he reads his screen, and I blink at him twice. Normally he is a rise early and fucks off kind of


    guy, and yet he¡¯s still here at a time he normally never is.


    ¡®Hey you. You hungry?¡¯ he asks, spotting me. As if this is the most normal thing in the world for us, and


    I frown at him, not sure if I am still dreaming. There¡¯s a weird air of domesticity in this scene that


    doesn¡¯t sit right with him here.


    ¡®Not really. I just woke up.¡¯ I answer groggily and pad over to the kitchen dodging looking at him, aware


    I have bed hair, probably really smudgy makeup from sleeping in it, and yesterday¡¯s wrinkled dress. He


    doesn¡¯t even seem to notice. I am the one who is overly aware of how shit I must look next to fresh and


    fine over there.


    ¡®There¡¯re bagels up there if you want them. Mico picked them up for you.¡¯ His steady voice follows me


    to the counter and I avoid looking back knowing his eyes are on me. I can feel them as my body


    prickles all over annoyingly.


    ¡®Mico? Where has he been hidingtely? I feel like we have be two ships in the sea at night, that


    never cross paths very often.¡¯ I point out, ncing back and catch Alexi¡¯s instant frown. A hint of


    something in that face that makes me turn properly to stare at him, and I perch myself against the


    cupboard behind me.


    ¡®He¡¯s busy.¡¯ The closed tone and way he avoids my eye hit me immediately, and I instantly know what


    he¡¯s doing as a light bulb flips on in my head. He¡¯s being evasive and guilty.


    ¡®Oh my God! Are you keeping him away from me¡ªbecause you¡¯re jealous? You think there¡¯s


    something there?¡¯ Iugh at the stupidity of it and Alexi at least has the grace to remain silent. He


    flexes his neck trying to conceal a reaction, but I am slowly learning the tiny Carrero tells on this man.


    He taps his thumb on the side of hisptop¡ªa sign of stormy thoughts. Ufortable at being caught


    out.


    ¡®You¡¯re unbelievable. Do you think I fancy him?¡¯ I ask again, giggling at how childish he¡¯s being, if that


    truly is his reasoning, and get myself a dark look thrown my way; annoyed ¡®drop it¡¯ res that make me


    smile brightly with utter amusement.


    ¡®You two seem awfully cosy. You know he¡¯s engaged right?¡¯ An angry tone, veiled in the calm slick


    voice and I burst out full-onughing at him. He¡¯s only cementing my suspicion, even if he cannot admit


    it.


    ¡®You ARE jealous. Oh, baby,¡¯ I chuckle. Cute voice pandering to him and turn to fill the kettle, smug and


    amused at something so ridiculous. He really is a huge man-child sometimes.


    ¡®I¡¯m not jealous¡ªhe¡¯s busy,¡¯ He repeats sternly, but I just shake my head and carry on with what I am


    doing. Pulling a mug over and getting the tea bags out of the cupboard.


    ¡®Sure he is ¡­ busy doing things you tell him to do, andtely I¡¯m guessing all of those errands are


    away from here, and me. You¡¯re so transparent.¡¯ I answer smugly and turn to boil the kettle.


    ¡®You¡¯re overthinking it,¡¯ he snaps back moodily, annoyed because I have caught onto his little naughty


    boy antics.


    ¡®I happen to like his girlfriend. She suits him, and I also have no feelings there whatsoever¡­ other than


    friendship. He doesn¡¯t do it for me Carrero. He¡¯s hot sure, but not my kind of hot.¡¯ I ampping it up,


    completely entertained that under all that intimidating bossymand, he is still an insecure little


    control freak who hates his toys giving anyone else the attention he demands. It¡¯s strangely adorable.


    ¡®Whatever.¡¯ He churns out childishly and I turn and give him my brightest smile. My whole mood a hell


    of a lot lighter now I¡¯m teasing him mercilessly.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org.


    ¡®You think I like him more than you?¡¯ I throw a mock pouted lip, and with the baby voice and sarcastic


    tone, he just throws me a deadpan, irritated stare.


    He¡¯s very annoyed!


    ¡®I don¡¯t care,¡¯ he retorts and goes back to typing, only harder and pounding the keys a little


    aggressively, and that furrowed brow is practically touching his chin.


    ¡®That¡¯s why you have removed him ¡­ Right?¡¯ I turn and butt my arse against the counter again and


    cross my arms over my bust as I wait for my hot water, picking him apart intensely, and he shifts


    uneasily in his seat.


    ¡®FINE ¡­ He¡¯s busy because you two seem to be a little too buddy buddy, and I ¡­ he has a girlfriend!


    One I happen to like, a lot. I¡¯m making sure it stays that way.¡¯ Alexi is trying to cover his arse and make


    this about protecting his cousin, but he¡¯s not actually very convincing.


    ¡®I don¡¯t want him and I can tell the feeling is mutual; If you are worried that I have a softer spot for him


    than you ¡­ Maybe I did ¡­ but maybe I don¡¯t anymore! Stop hiding your cousin in fear I will run off with


    him, Alexi!¡¯


    I sigh honestly, losing the fun in poking him while he looks sullen, and I don¡¯t want to fight. If all this of


    late is him trying to be a better human towards me then maybe I should return the favour. He was my


    rockst night and I need to at least respect that¡ªJust this once.


    ¡®I told you, I don¡¯t care,¡¯ he repeats sternly, refusing to back down, and it annoys me a little. A reminder


    of his favourite way to hurt me in the past and I narrow my gaze at him.


    ¡®You don¡¯t care if I like you?¡¯ I prod, not letting this go because he started something in his car, and we


    never actually got this out between us. A swirling tension in my lower belly which warns me to put it to


    bed, but he has stoked my fire now.


    Alexi sighs and closes hisptop, as though he has lost the willpower to keep doing what he¡¯s doing,


    and slides it onto the seat beside him instead, pulling his feet back andnding them on the floor so he


    can lean forward and locks his eyes on me.


    He sighs again; rubbing his palms together distractedly and just seems to stare at me for the longest


    time.


    ¡®You wanna talk? ¡­ Let¡¯s talk. It¡¯s obvious there is something you want to say, or ask me, and I¡¯m right


    here! I won¡¯t lie to you. Floor¡¯s yours, London. Let¡¯s get this out between us.¡¯ He is all serious now.


    Eyes on mine, tone husky and genuine, and his expression is that of his softer side. Aplete


    transformation of a bad mood to frank and open and it makes me shit myself. Fear moving in with an


    increase in heart rate and my palms get instantly mmy.


    I stare right back, and even though I have a million things I have stored up to say to this man for the


    past few months, I have no courage or the strength to be told some home truths. Not while my heart is


    already fragile and in pain.


    When faced with him willing to be honest with me ¡­ I am too scared to say the things I need to say, or


    ask him the three things I have always wanted to know.


    Did you care when you were hurting me? Did I ever really matter to you? Why did you honestly bring


    me back?


    I¡¯m scared to ask them because if I do, his answer can still wound me. Despite telling myself a million


    times I feel nothing for this man ¡­ I know it¡¯s a lie I cannot keep hiding behind. I still care and it still


    matters to me if he ever did.


    My voice stays silent and I lose all confidence in how this is ying out. Looking to the floor uneasily


    and I start picking at my acrylic thumbnail.


    ¡®Nope ¡­ nothing. It¡¯s all in your head.¡¯ I swallow hard, my heart hammering as feint moves across my


    body, and I am instantly lightheaded with the fear of being caught in his direct headlights. My hands


    shake badly and I turn away to deal with my tea now the kettle has boiled and clicked to off. d of the


    excuse to look away and hide the blush of colour creeping up my cheeks, or the way my bottom lip


    trembles so badly I have to bite on it.


    I do care.


    I still love him.


    Fuck.


    He sighs heavily and the noise of the seat as he either shifts in it or gets up seems to echo loudly in the


    sudden deathly silence. Alexi seems agitated and I turn and catch him gathering up his papers on the


    table and hisptop haphazardly. Looking annoyed with tight facial muscles and a stormy look in his


    eye.


    ¡®I have to go out ¡­ I¡¯ll be backter to change for a dinner, but I won¡¯t be around today.¡¯ He sounds


    how I feel - deted and weird.


    He avoids my eye and there¡¯s a moment of heavy awkwardness between us.


    ¡®Have fun.¡¯ I answer emptily with a fake brightness and get a fake smile from him in response.


    Both of us y-acting and I don¡¯t even know why.


    ¡®Stay out of trouble.¡¯ It¡¯s emotionless and cool, as I would expect from him. He doesn¡¯t wait for an


    answer, just heads to the door and leaves quickly, as though he can¡¯t wait to get away from me


    suddenly.

 Chapter 132

    Chapter 132


    I am listless and keep clock watching today, even though I have nowhere to be except down in the


    club, and getting ready for another night of business as usual. I have an idea why it¡¯s making me so


    restless and frustrated, beyond the obvious sadness. It¡¯s called Alexi.


    This ce is running so smoothly nowadays that I really have nothing much to do most of the time


    except observe and supervise. Apart from paperwork asionally and overseeing deliveries I have


    tuned my well-oiled machine to perfection. Spectacr organisation means it can practically run itself


    and I can swan around more than actually do anything.


    Mico appears and catches me sitting at the bar.


    ¡®Hey you ¡­ future mistress.¡¯ He breaks into a huge amused smile and dumps a pile of files on the bar


    carelessly that he has obviously brought to go in the office. It looks like some of the ounts we have


    been waiting for. I¡¯m guessing this is not a random passing joke.


    ¡®He told you?¡¯ I turn to him with amused questioning and lean back against the bar. Letting my eyes


    wander over that familiar ¡®head of the mob¡¯ attire of his. Dark tailored suit, ck tie and a heavy ck


    coat, even though today is still on the warmer side. I swear they have a manual somewhere with all the


    rules and codes of being a Carrero henchman that states¡ªck is the colour and Savile Row for


    tailoring.


    ¡®Alexi tells me most things ¡­ especially when sassy Brits use him of underhanded jealous


    behaviour.¡¯ He winks this time and then moves to sit beside me casually, as he motions the tender


    cleaning sses for a bottle of water from the fridge in our view. The man obediently does so.


    ¡®He didn¡¯t admit it.¡¯ I shrug, knowing full well it¡¯s exactly what it was.


    ¡®Yeah well, he sent me to pick these up at the ountants and drop them off here, so I think he¡¯s trying


    to prove you wrong, Cami. How you doing today anyway? Jackson took that ¡­¡¯ He trails off before


    saying cat and I just throw on my fake happy face and shrug again, trying to ignore that pit of biting


    sadness which has followed me all day. I couldn¡¯t even bear to go into the kitchen and see the food


    stacked on the counter for the scrawny little creature. I told Jackson to get rid of all traces that I ever


    knew a cat called Feral.


    I don¡¯t want his ashes either¡ª I want to forget all about him. It¡¯s just easier that way.


    ¡®Fine ¡­ just nning my seduction of Alexi¡¯s henchman to take over his world,¡¯ I jest diverting the


    topic, and he shakes his head too.


    ¡®Give him a break; he¡¯s out of his depth on so many levels when ites to you. Alexi has never had to


    navigate this kind of rtionship before, and you still screw him up. He¡¯s like a teen boy learning from


    scratch.¡¯ He looks down at the bar and has that same annoying habit of tapping his thumb there. I


    guess it¡¯s a sign when they are hiding something or thinking something through. Weird that DNA can


    carry mannerisms.


    ¡®What kind of rtionship would that be? Respecting a female instead of tormenting her?¡¯ I add drily


    and Mico just throws me a darkened look.


    ¡®I told you once ¡­ there¡¯s more to him than meets the eye, and how he feels about you is his business.


    You two need to learn the art ofmunication.¡¯


    ¡®Ughhh. You¡¯re so loyal sometimes, it¡¯s painful.¡¯ I prod him in the shoulder and he just smirks before


    getting up and sweeping up the files into a neat pile he picks up.


    ¡®I love and respect my cousin ¡­ I won¡¯t be the one who talks for him though¡ªthat¡¯s on him. He needs


    to man up when ites to you two.¡¯ He moves away and I shove him as he passes, frustrated with


    his vagueness.


    ¡®Meaning?¡¯ I ask snottily, eyebrows arched in expectance of a real answer. He just raises his brows


    right back at me in the most infuriating way and walks off towards the corridor, obviously dismissing the


    rest of our conversation.


    ¡®Stop annoying each other for a start and start being honest ¡­ even if it¡¯s terrifying. Running is a bad


    habit!¡¯


    I swear a little inkling in my gut tells me this isn¡¯t a random observation. Maybe Alexi realised I bottled


    out of talking upstairs this morning and these are his words, not Mico¡¯s. I pale with the thought that he


    could read me up there, and I wasn¡¯t so great at hiding that from him.


    Running is all I know. Both physically and emotionally, when life throws me shit I don¡¯t want to handle.


    It¡¯s an impulse to protect myself, and he has no idea how necessary it has been to me.


    I don¡¯t get a chance to talk more as Mico is out of sight and leaving me pondering his wise words that


    he has a habit of spitting out and then walking off after.


    He is fucking infuriating sometimes.


    He¡¯s like Jiminy Cricket; sweeping in to offer guidance, then buggers off without giving you any real


    answers, so you have to figure it out for yourself.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    I guess him and Alexi could be Pinhio and Jiminy. I giggle as the connection hits me and find it


    hriously funny the more I think about it. Mico sits on his shoulder being his conscience, so he doesn¡¯t


    have to have one, and Alexi ¡­ well, he¡¯s the adventurous and stubborn little boy who likes to lie; ironic


    really. I wonder if Alexi has a desire to be a real human too, although his nose certainly does not grow


    when he talks shit ¡­ it would be an advantage if it did.


    I go back to focusing on the book I have propped on the bar, trying to kill some hours, and ignore my


    uptight and fragile mood; Pushing the stupid out of my head along with visions of wooden puppets and


    donkeys. I sit lost in words, pulled into a fantasy romance when Mico prods me on the way past in the


    back of the shoulder.


    ¡®Gotta go. Catch youter. Alexi will be back to get changed this evening and I¡¯m to pick him up from


    here, so guess tillter¡¯s ¡­¡¯ He smiles and I smile back warmly. Waving as he disappears, and he


    doesn¡¯t give me a chance to pick his brains anymore.


    I do think it¡¯s funny though. Alexi sent him here specifically to prove he¡¯s not jealous and he hasn¡¯t been


    deliberately keeping him out of the way.


    Such a childish thing to do, even for him.


    Cute that he wanted to prove it, even if it was the actual truth.


    Boy needs therapy.


    It¡¯s past seven and I head upstairs to start getting ready for tonight, showering and pulling on a new


    dress. I am going red, in a slinky, loose and floaty number that is more summer days than nightwear,


    but I am not in the mood for figure hugging and sexy. I still feel weird and out of sorts, and I am doing


    everything in my power to not think about Feral. Jackson took care of it. It¡¯s done and I need to forget it


    as a nothing in my life. My bruised heart will heal, and it will only serve to help lock it up tight in its


    metal coffin once more. Every new scar just hardens my resolve to never care again.


    I cared too much for something that shouldn¡¯t have mattered and now I need to get over it.


    I am not in the mood for ying seductive hostess tonight. I want people to leave me alone, so I can


    just do my job without pandering to anyone or anything. I¡¯m agitated and prickly all over and just trying


    to get through my day.


    I jump when Alexi walks in the door, catching me straightening my hair, by the mirror in the lounge that


    hangs on the outside of his bedroom wall. I prefer doing my hair out here as the socket is directly below


    it for easy ess, and he smiles when he sees me. Seems he¡¯s in a very casually cheerful mood


    tonight.


    ¡®You look nice, as always.¡¯ He looks me over and walks closer, still dressed in sportswear from this


    morning, but he smells freshly showered and his hair is damp. I guess he was having a boxing training


    day or something physical.


    I have learned that Alexi has a lot of excess energy and he uses sport to keep himself level. Boxing is


    the preferred hobby, ording to Jackson. He does that sometimes to let off steam and hone his skills


    as a cold-blooded thug who beats up men in nightclubs.


    Yes, I¡¯m still smarting over Miami. He has still not apologised either.


    ¡®It¡¯s new.¡¯ I give it a little sway side to side as the skirt swishes around me gracefully, admiring my


    reflection as he passes behind me and tugs my hair as he does so. A juvenile reaction that highlights


    the great mood he is most definitely in.


    ¡®Hey.¡¯ I aim a p for him, but he¡¯s too fast and bobs into his room with augh, calling out innocently


    once he is out of sight.


    ¡®I have to get changed, can you pour me a drink, please.¡¯ His voicees from further into his room


    because he has left the door open and I roll my eyes at his expectancy that I should serve him, yet find


    myself putting down my straighteners anyway and head for the kitchen. No idea why I am being so


    obedient and nonbative. Maybe because he''s infectious when he is like this. And he did say


    please.


    ¡®Booze or coffee?¡¯ I yell and jump when his head pops out with apletely naked upper torso. All that


    tanned muscle and tattoos on show and it has the same effect as mildly tasering me in the vajayjay.


    Jesus Christ, Alexi!


    ¡®Coffee ¡­ I need a clear head tonight.¡¯ He throws me a charming, drool worthy smile, oblivious to my


    squirming hot knickers, smiles, and then slides back out of sight as I am left dazed and lingering at all


    that muscle and skin he just shed at me.


    Boy still makes my underwear get tight. He has a seriously unfair advantage with looking how he does,


    and I push down all those niggling urges with anger at myself, for being so weak.


    Arsehole.


    ¡®Why you changing here anyway?¡¯ I yell in afterthought at him¡ªdiverting my horny brain to safer topics.


    ¡®I thought you had an apartment in upper Manhattan you live out of?¡¯ I ask him, confused that he has


    come here just to get changed. Normally hees in and out in various attires that he definitely does


    not keep here. I am under no illusion that this apartment is not one he calls home.


    ¡®I left my tux here to get cleaned ¡­ easier to juste change here.¡¯ He wanders out wearing an open


    shirt over ck trousers and is in the process of buttoning up as he wanders towards me confidently,


    not bothered at all about his state of undress around me.


    I have already boiled the kettle and make him instant coffee rather than set up the coffee pot like he


    normally would. He seems like he¡¯s in a hurry and doesn¡¯t say anything when he sees the jar. I know


    he¡¯s usually a coffee bean snob.


    I cannot tear my eyes off that expanse of sexy chest and physically have to rip myself away to turn


    around and look anywhere but at him. Body heating up with the sizzling effect of his proximity, and I


    almost forget how to breathe.


    His hair is damp and messy from pulling off clothes over his head, ruffled gorgeously even though it¡¯s


    mostly short. That lip biting, yummy body on show, with little hints of ck ink on a tight, toned surface,


    which does crazy things to my internals. Full-on electric horny vibrations pummelling me in theher


    regions and I sigh in total frustration. BOB has been a paleparison to that hunk of male flesh


    between my thighs. The cravings for sex have never been as much of a problem as they have been


    since the day I met this man.


    Does he have any idea how much of an alluring sight he is when walking around like this?


    ¡®I aming back here after dinner. I want an early start on stuff I need to do in the office, so makes


    more sense to sleep here.¡¯ Hees up beside me, sliding his arm around to pick up his coffee in front


    of me and throws me a charming smile, face so close he¡¯s almost in mine, and the air gets painfully thin


    between us.


    I just smile awkwardly, aware that his sudden close assault has my skin prickling sensually, and I stiffen


    in difort.


    ¡®You smell nice,¡¯ he utters in a soft but heavy tone, those eyes locked on mine so my body tingles, then


    moves away and takes a drink of his coffee as he goes to the table andys it down. He straightens to


    button up his shirt, disappointingly putting all those carved abs under wraps, and pulls a bow tie from


    his back pocket which had been dangling there.


    I watch him expertly tuck himself in and wander to my mirror to put it on and tie it, mesmerised with the


    way a bow can neatly appear from such a strange shape and note that it¡¯s something I have never


    learned to do. I¡¯ve never had a need to put one on a man and watch him a little too intensely¡ªA


    practised skill.


    He already has shoes on and when he walks back into his room to get his jacket I hear a st of a


    drier as he quickly sorts his hair out. In the couple minutes of quiet, I can almost visualise him with his


    hair gel, taming hints of waves into scruffy neatness.


    I love Alexi¡¯s most recent haircut. All short back and sides now and a little unruly on top, which leaves


    enough hair to run your fingernails through and grip onto in the throes of passion. Not that I will be, it¡¯s


    just a preferred thing.

 Chapter 133

    Chapter 133


    He¡¯s back in minutes with a freshly styled do that adds to that groomed perfection of his as he pulls his


    jacket on one sleeve. Body emphasised by what he¡¯s wearing and I am instantly drawn like a ma to


    look at him. My eyes scan impulsively, immediately to the one thing that stands severely out of ce,


    and causes an instant nervousness deep down in my gut; A tight chokehold on my stomach.


    ¡®Why are you carrying tonight?¡¯ I nod towards the holster under his armpit, face dropping as


    seriousness hits me to dampen my libido. His gun on show and he just ignores me and continues


    putting on his jacket smoothly to cover it up. Something in my stomach swirls with unease, nerves


    rising as suspicion hits me and I move closer to him.


    ¡®Alexi? You never carry when you¡¯re going to dinner. Why are you taking a gun?¡¯ Sixth sense has all my


    rms firing and my palms get instantly sweaty as nerves eat away at me. Something deep down


    alerting me to this one detail and I can¡¯t shake it away; A deep achy unease of something being wrong.


    I have watched hime and go from this club, been with him at dinners, parties and such ¡­ he


    NEVER carries when he goes to these things. That¡¯s why he has security with him instead.


    ¡®Sometimes I do.¡¯ He avoids my eyes, voice strained and husky as he tries to dismiss me and I know


    it¡¯s a lie. I can tell. I don¡¯t know how but I do. In all the months of knowing him, never being able to


    second guess when he¡¯s honest, yet right now, I just know. It kicks me low down with a fresh pang of


    pain.


    ¡®Is Mico going with you?¡¯ my voice is higher, hints of anxiety peeking up as I get more internally


    hysterical, and he is doing his best to avoid me, dodging me as I follow him around like a persistent


    child. He walks away from me to use the mirror for his final check on appearance as he rights his jacket


    and buttons it up carefully.


    ¡®Of course,¡¯ he answers tly and that just tips me over. Theplete obvious in what he just said.


    Mico is going with him!


    Mico is ALWAYS armed for this reason. Meaning he has no need of this unless his gut is telling him


    otherwise. Something in him telling him he needs extra protection tonight.


    I swear everything inside of me turns to instant stone and grips me coldly. My lip trembles as I am hit


    full force with a wave of gut-wrenching concern for his safety, so strong I can almost taste it.


    ¡®What kind of dinner? With who? Where?¡¯ I question like the Gestapo, getting more and more worked


    up, my voice straining with emotion as he tries to get around me and sighs as I block his path. Getting


    in his way and hindering his progress.


    ¡®You¡¯re making mete.¡¯ He says calmly, a little hint of a sigh but not annoyance. Alexi isn¡¯t getting


    pissed with my behaviour, which means I have hit on something truthful and it only serves to make me


    worse. He moves me with gentle hands on my shoulder, but I grip onto one of them as he goes to


    leave, and cling on tightly.


    ¡®Alexi stop it ¡­ You¡¯re scaring me ¡­ You don¡¯t carry a gun, EVER, when you go out to these things. If


    you feel something that tells you that you need it, then don¡¯t go ¡­ stay with me. Stay here.¡¯ I beg him,


    tears hitting me from nowhere, terror clutching at my insides cruelly; twisting my guts all up into knots


    with danger bells ringing in my head deafeningly. I can barely catch my breath.


    Alexi just stops and turns his eyes to mine, slowly inhaling and pulls me close to him with a sense of


    complete calmness. Facially against him, so our body heat meets, but I¡¯m too wound up to get any


    other reaction. His whole manner is that of the guy who cuddled me after finding Feral¡ªsoftly, softly.


    I don¡¯t trust it one bit.


    ¡®I know what I¡¯m doing. This is my world.¡¯ He leans in and kisses me on the forehead, unexpectedly


    tender and lingers for a second, while I breathe him in and close my eyes at the forbidden touch


    between us. He throws mepletely off guard and I can¡¯t stand it anymore, eyes shing open as my


    brain connects the dots with a more intense agony.


    It¡¯s too weird ¡­ it¡¯s too much like a ¡®goodbye¡¯ for my liking and I don¡¯t let him go; both hands on his


    wrist as he tries to walk out and I hold with all my might. I dig my heels in and don¡¯t care if I am acting


    like an insane person. I won¡¯t let him walk out that door. Every instinct is telling me he shouldn¡¯t leave.


    ¡®You¡¯re not going. I won¡¯t let you ¡­ in fact ¡­ if you go ¡­ if you leave ¡­ I¡¯ll never forgive you. Ever! I¡¯ll


    pack my bags and run away, I¡¯ll go somewhere you can never find me and screw your stupid club.¡¯ I


    start crying. Words tumbling out in a rambling mess of shaking voice and trembling limbs, gripping on


    with everything I have in me as he tries to pry my hands from him without hurting me. Panicking while


    Alexi looks surprised at my venomous threats and stops in his endeavours to get me off him. He


    swallows noticeably as he returns that pale, calm gaze to my face and stops me fighting with a gentle


    stroke across my face, moving hair from my damp cheek.


    ¡®Careful baby, I might think you care.¡¯ He smiles softly, a gentle look in his eyes as he traces a tear from


    my skin with his thumb and wipes it away carefully. Distracted by him, he manages to slide his arm out


    of my hold and I just shake my head desperately.


    It calms my internal chaos for just a fraction of a moment; enough that he manages to get space


    between us while I¡¯m stunned at the tenderness of his action. Then fear grips me as he turns and walks


    away quickly, knowing he needs to go before I grab him again. He moves fast and doesn¡¯t look back.


    ¡®Alexi, don¡¯t ¡­¡¯ I croak, voice cracking as I impulsively run after him into the hall, he walks right into the


    open lift before turning and stopping me from following him with a raised palm. He looks tense, not


    angry or agitated, just pleading, with an expression that makes me want to wrap myself around him and


    never let him out of my sight.


    ¡®Trust me. I¡¯ming back.¡¯ It¡¯s all he utters, and I stand sobbing and clinging to myself, hugged by my


    own arms which aren¡¯tforting. The door slides shut between us and I start to hyperventte as it all


    comes crashing in on me. That sense ofplete emotional breakdown because he¡¯s not listening and


    I feel like everything is spiralling out of my control.


    I run to the button and press it hard, over and over in a bid to get it open once more, or one of the two


    lifts to open up. All I can see is his one going down on the counter under the button. With every second


    my internal angst intensifies. I can¡¯t breathe properly, gasping and panting as I shiver and shake.


    ¡®Don¡¯t you fucking dare, Alexi!!!¡¯ I scream at the chrome doors, blinded by my tears, willing him to listen,


    even if he¡¯s already gone.


    ¡®Don¡¯t leave me!¡¯ I sob as I w at them in a bid to open them manually, but they still take an age.


    My heart hammers inside of me as something tells me he knows he¡¯s walking into a trap. He knows


    something, which means, tonight, he may not have a choice but to be armed. He has a sixth sense and


    truly knows this world, so if he believes something is amiss and is taking extra precautions for his own


    safety, it means something really bad is going on. In his world¡ªbad means something along the lines


    of most normal people¡¯s nightmares. Bad means Alexi is in really deep shit ¡­ Which means there¡¯s a


    chance he may not evere home.


    I can¡¯t think straight. My mind falling into pieces of broken shards and shambles around my feet and I


    try to pull myself together, try to be rational about this.


    I wish I didn¡¯t love him ¡­ I wish I didn¡¯t care, but my heart is shredding and when the dumb door finally


    opens I throw myself in without hesitation. Stabbing the G button with a force that almost cracks my


    nail, and I start pacing frantically as I wait for it to move. wing at my hair as it finally slides shut and


    feels like it takes hours to descend to the lower floors.Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    I dash out in frantically, no shoes on, looking a fright with makeup dripping off my chin amid a torrent of


    tears, and can only see the normal floor security milling around as the back-door swings shut painfully


    slow because of its safety hinges.


    He must have already gone out and I run, pushing past them manically, as I get startled looks, yanking


    it open and pull myself out into the darkness, assaulted by the cool night air. I can only see the


    backlights, glowing red in the darkness, of Mico¡¯s car leaving¡ªtoo far to be stopped and already out of


    the gate. My mind scrambling into high alert mode, and I wonder if I can get to the front door to stop


    them in the street before they get any further.


    I turn, mind set on hell-bent crazy and desperate to just stop him in any way I can, and run smack bang


    into Jackson. It¡¯s like hitting a warm padded wall at force and I gasp in stunned shock as a minor ache


    hits my whole body with the collision. I am still sobbing and acting like a crazydy as he catches hold


    of me.


    ¡®Miss Cami, what¡¯s wrong?¡¯ He gives me a weird hug, fully capturing my limp form as he holds me


    still, calming my iling limbs and keeping me rooted to the spot.


    ¡®We have to stop him ¡­ Something¡¯s wrong ¡­ I can feel it. Alexi needs toe back.¡¯ It¡¯s out in a


    whoosh of broken, breathy, tearden words as I swallow and choke trying to get them out, and


    Jackson¡¯s face tightens. A calming over him as he seems to understand exactly what I mean and


    nods in a very soft and fatherly way at me, while patting my back gently. My body is straining and


    buzzing with energy to run after Alexi, but he¡¯s not letting me.


    ¡®He knows what he is doing, don¡¯t ever question that. Alexi has more instinct for things than any of us,


    so he wouldn¡¯t go if he didn¡¯t know what he was walking into.¡¯ He squeezes me reassuringly. Still a tight


    grip, but I shake my head, brushing away his sense and sniffing back a gulp of even more tears.


    ¡®He¡¯s stubborn and pig-headed and sometimes blinded by it. His luck has to run out one day. I need to


    stop him.¡¯ I wail it at him but Jackson turns me, coercing me into his arm, pushing aside my fight as he


    slides it around me and walks me back to the lift forcefully.


    ¡®He¡¯s surrounded by men who would take a bullet for him any day of the week. He has nothing to worry


    about,¡¯ he soothes kindly.


    ¡®Then why does he need a gun with him?¡¯ I baulk desperately.


    ¡®Sometimes he likes to have an extrayer of security. You know him, Miss Cami; he is always two


    steps ahead and sees everythinging. He¡¯s going to be just fine!¡¯


    Jackson is calming the worst of my hysteria as logic starts to move in and unfog my brain, knowing he


    is right ¡­ In this anyway.


    Alexi is what he is because of his crazy skill at reading situations and people, and always being ahead


    of his game. He¡¯s ruthless, but he¡¯s clever. He wouldn¡¯t walk into a trap without all his avenues being


    covered and Jackson is right. He is known for overying the safety factor. It¡¯s why he is still breathing.


    It¡¯s why he suffocates me with security and over protectiveness.


    ¡®He told me to make sure you stayed put ¡­ To take care of you. Let¡¯s get you upstairs and a drink to


    calm you down. Alexi will be back by ten or eleven, and you will see for yourself, everything¡¯s fine.¡¯ He


    is trying so hard to bring back my sanity with soft talk and gentle pats on my shoulder and I stop


    fighting him, somewhere in my head, I start to listen. Needing this reassurance so badly as nausea


    circles and swishes my stomach to death. I sniff and brush away the tears, blinking at him in utter


    vulnerable defeat, clinging to his words.


    ¡®He told you to make me stay? To take care of me?¡¯ I blubber, wiping my cheek with the back of my


    hand. Jackson nods and I know that Alexi must have known I would follow him down in the state I was


    in. Stopping me¡ªwhich only adds fuel to my unease, but I am trying to self-calm before I turn myself


    inside out with my own over thinking.


    ¡®Mico and Daniels are with him, and he has taken extra men tonight. Two cars ¡­ eight men. He¡¯s


    ying safe and he¡¯s got everyone armed just in case. He knows how to handle this business. He¡¯s


    had a lifetime doing it.¡¯ Jackson¡¯s words are starting to filter through, making sense of my manic panic


    and I take long deep breaths, tilting my face up to him very childlike¡ªmy voice fragile.


    ¡®Really? You really think so?¡¯ I ask him meekly when the doors slide on us and we are held in the small


    lift as it starts to move.


    ¡®He ys safe ¡­ if he thought he was in real danger, he would never go. He has an ego but he¡¯s not


    stupid. This business is bigger than him and he knows it. He knows there are people who rely on him


    being here, so he wouldn¡¯t deliberately throw himself in harm¡¯s way. It¡¯s not how we Carreros operate.¡¯


    Jackson is doing a good job of bringing me down, but I am still sopletely overwhelmed with the


    tightening knots of anxiety that are pushing my heart rate to painful rates.


    ¡®Maybe I should call him ¡­ to be sure.¡¯ I nod at him erratically, seeking permission, not really inside my


    own mind and grasping stupidly. I may not have been able to stop him leaving but I can talk to him,


    hear his voice, and convince him toe back.


    ¡®Maybe, just to put your mind at ease; Get yourself to calm down if he tells you himself, he¡¯s fine¡ªHe


    will be fine. He always is.¡¯ Jackson gives me a small squeeze, I guess to add weight to his words and I


    swallow down thest of my over emotional outburst.


    ¡®Right ¡­ You¡¯re right. I¡¯m being stupid. I don¡¯t need you toe in.¡¯ I nod again letting him go as we


    open on the apartment floor and give myself a shake. Calmer head on calling Alexi and just trying to


    stop acting like some irrational psycho having a weird meltdown.


    He¡¯s right. This is Alexi¡¯s world ¡­ he¡¯s king yer for a reason, and I¡¯m sure his gut instincts are a lot


    better than mine. In fact, I know it. He¡¯s a cold killer with a quick mind and sadistic streak. I know that


    more than anyone. He¡¯s a name of foreboding for a reason, and he¡¯s made it to thirty-two years old


    without onceing close to death, as far as I know.

 Chapter 134

    Chapter 134


    It was the gun. It spooked me, and maybe not because of where he¡¯s going, but maybe just seeing it on


    him, being in the apartment together¡ªalone. Maybe I¡¯m just triggered by memory and being an idiot;


    that panic inside of something being wrong ¡­ was just memory perhaps. I still carry the burden of that


    night on my soul and this could just be that. Alexi and I, we have so much history and I shouldn¡¯t


    dismiss the effect it¡¯s had on me and my sanity. Getting myself worked into hysteria and being stupidly


    weak over something he has with him on a normal day, so why should I freak about him taking it out of


    an evening? It¡¯s part of his work uniform and not exactly unknown to be on him.


    ¡®Are you okay?¡¯ Jackson moves to follow me out but I raise my palm to him.


    ¡®I¡¯m calmer ¡­ I¡¯ll call him ¡­ let him tell me himself I¡¯m an idiot. Honestly, go back down, I¡¯ll be okay


    once I pull myself together.¡¯ I smile, embarrassed at my disy of womanly meltdowns now that my


    sane head is pushing through the chaos and returning all bodily functions to a more even keel. I feel


    dishevelled, exhausted as thest ounces of being distraught starts to fade away. I have to fix my face


    all over again; I bet I look a fright.


    Jackson seems torn abouting in, but he does as I ask and moves back into the lift with a gentle


    look. I turn and leave him to go back downstairs. I walk through the open door of the apartment I left


    sitting that way, and go off to find my phone, padding across the apartment to get it from my charging


    dock by the mirror.


    I¡¯ll call him, and he can tell me himself that he has this under control ¡­ that I¡¯m an idiot. I¡¯m pretty sure


    he will happily do so. I just need to hear his voice; I don¡¯t know why but I do. I¡¯m so rattled and shaken


    that it¡¯s all I am focusing on to bring me back to a sane level.


    I pick it up from the side unit and find his number I have saved under ¡®Lord Arsehole¡¯, still the name I


    use and dial it. It rings only three times before he answers.


    ¡®What is it, Cam?¡¯ He sounds serene and normal, like nothing is amiss. Not even annoyed that I am


    calling him, even though he just left minutes ago; that familiar husky low tone of the most heart-


    warming voice in the world. It gives me instant calm, and I close my eyes to visualise his face¡ª


    confident, unaffected and deadpan in that infuriating way of his. I wouldn¡¯t change it for the world.


    ¡®Tell me nothing is going to happen to you tonight ¡­ Promise me.¡¯ I don¡¯t hesitate, whispering it


    pleadingly as I cradle my phone as close to my mouth as I can, somehow willing him closer. He sighs


    heavily. There is no point pretending I am calling for anything else ¡­ he knows I was a crazy mess


    when he left me here.


    ¡®Do you think I would be where I am now if I didn¡¯t always know what I was walking into ¡­ how to y


    it? You have to have a little faith in me, London. I know what I am doing, and I will see you when I get


    back. I promise.¡¯ Alexi¡¯s voice lowers, probably because there are others in the car with him and I get a


    new wave of tears hitting me suddenly and choke as my throat closes a little. This time it¡¯s not for the


    same reason.


    It¡¯s the strange intimacy between us in this call; the almost tenderness in his tone after how he left me


    ¡ªthe way he left me¡ªthe kiss that halted my entire being for a moment. My body trembles at the


    memory but I push it away right now.


    ¡®If you think there¡¯s any reason, Alexi ¡­¡¯ I start to warn him, to beg him to listen to sense if he should


    think anything is amiss, but he cuts me off.


    ¡®Trust Me,¡¯ it¡¯s all he utters, determined with its intent, and I wipe away a stray tear epting defeat.


    Knowing this is pointless.


    He¡¯s stubborn. He¡¯s an arse. He thinks he knows better and maybe he does. I am scared and I know


    it¡¯s probably not as in cut as it seems, but a lot of things colliding with the appearance of his gun


    have obviously tipped me all out of whack. It¡¯s the gun from that night, it¡¯s the only one he carries, and I


    fell apart at the sight of it. I need to think logically and stop letting emotion cloud my judgement. I know


    better than that.


    ¡®Maybe one day ¡­ Just swear you areing back to me.¡¯ I need the reassurance from him. That part


    of me that knows I still love him and what would happen if he was ever just gone. My whole life hangs


    in the bnce of his survival.


    I am pretty sure the next Carrero in line to his throne wouldn¡¯t see my importance, or the club¡¯s, and


    find a way to send me back to the gutter I came from. Alexi is a lifeline that means more to me now


    than what he can give me. I need him in my life, whether he¡¯s good for me or not.


    ¡®I have to ¡­ Who else would drive you crazy and make your day worth living, huh? You need me to


    keep you out of trouble. You have a knack for getting roughed up.¡¯ He tries for humour and despite


    myself, I smile down the line at him, wiping another tear and epting that my heavy chest is no longer


    from fear, but from just him.


    ¡®You¡¯re a prick sometimes,¡¯ Iugh softly, knowing what he says is true though, and I close my eyes one


    more time to just listen to that voice. Still notpletely convinced that he¡¯s safe but it¡¯s out of my


    hands and I need to have faith in his ability.


    ¡®You¡¯re a pain in my ass ¡­ but I¡¯ll alwayse home to you. I promise. Now get off the phone. I¡¯m


    busy and my men are looking at me like I¡¯ve gone soft.¡¯ He sounds moremanding and back to


    normal; Hints of sarcasm and mock, but not in a nasty way. I smile, warming with the banter that is


    sometimes okay between us and let go all the worry that¡¯s strangling me.


    ¡®I think maybe you have,¡¯ I jibe, but I know that¡¯s not true. Alexi is still as he was. Still capable of


    bastard and sadistic, I¡¯m just not the focus of it anymore.


    ¡®Only where you¡¯re concerned; Go do your job ¡­ it¡¯s almost Showtime. Go make us some money and


    stop worrying over things that are not your concern. It¡¯s my problem, not yours.¡¯ It¡¯s a telling off I guess.


    A reminder I should trust him to do what he does, he¡¯s the boss for a reason, and even though I¡¯m now


    calm and sane and no longer crying, I can¡¯t shift the weight in my belly.


    ¡®Aye, aye, captain. I shall not bother you with my female hysterics again.¡¯ I mutter it defeated, knowing


    he¡¯s right¡ªonest sniff, onest deep breath.


    ¡®Good ¡­ I¡¯m not built for them. And you seem to have more than most.¡¯ Heughs at that, a soft, gentle


    almost nothingugh, and puts thest band-aid on my stupid wounds. I shouldn¡¯t be worried. He¡¯s


    Alexi Carrero ¡­ Kingpin of New York and this is his domain. I¡¯m a fool to have ever thought he didn¡¯t


    have this in the bag. He¡¯s a cocky, arrogant, self-loving arsehole for a reason.


    ¡®Get off the phone, you wanker,¡¯ I toss back at him, our banter returning genuinely and our tone evens


    out. All intimacy moving away from intense and I do feel lighter.


    ¡®Cam? Did you know your cell could do this?¡¯


    ¡®Do what?¡¯ I ask innocently and wait patiently for some extra special amazing trick and realise the


    phone has gonepletely silent. I take it away from my face and look at the screen.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    Fucking bastard hung up on me.


    I rage at the nerve of him, caught between augh because it¡¯s a cheeky arse move that is just a


    complete Alexi thing to do, and annoyed that the insensitive prick would actually fucking hang up on


    me.


    Just when I think he¡¯s getting a little too Gino ¡­ tosser does something like that.


    Arsehole.


    I text him impulsively, enraged that he¡¯s such an insensitive moron and aplete dickhead at the


    most inappropriate times.


    ¡®Sometimes I really don¡¯t like you! London X¡¯


    I stick my nose in the air in a snooty mood, d that I feel better from talking to him and less crazy


    scared that he¡¯s riding off to be executed, even if he has annoyed me. I feel dumb now I think about it.


    Riled, that, as per usual, he had to go and ruin something nice with the plonk of a man he is.


    ¡®I¡¯m into that. And thanks ¡­ For admitting you sometimes do. Now stop bothering me! X¡¯


    Prick.


    I wander listlessly around the club, picking my nails, watching the floor without much interest. Angst is


    my new current mood, and I am finding it hard to breath with the weight that has settled on my chest.


    The hours have been dragging so slowly it feels like time has stopped, and I¡¯m obsessively clock


    watching like a freak. Mind unable to stay with my task at hand.


    ¡®Miss Cami ¡­ Cami?¡¯ Jackson is following me again and I look at him as though he has two


    heads, unsure why he is repeating my name incessantly. He has been like a suffocating shadow all


    evening and I don¡¯t normally get this irritated with him.


    ¡®What?¡¯ I snap, that feeling of inner turmoil making me cranky.


    ¡®You¡¯re pacing like a mindless bot ¡­ maybe you should go have a break?¡¯ Jackson has been very


    attentive to my anxious pacing all night, overly aware of my sensitive mood and snappy tone with the


    staff.


    I can¡¯t help it¡ªit¡¯s now well after eleven and Alexi has note back, not replied to any of my texts


    and not answered any of the times I rang his phone. I¡¯m obsessing over his safety and worrying myself


    sick over it. My insides are so strung out it feels like I might throw up.


    It¡¯s a dinner! They usually never run majorlyte, and he hasn¡¯t contacted me to say he¡¯s staying away,


    even though he doesn¡¯t really have to, but he should havee back by now. He said he wasing


    back.


    He promised me!


    I know I¡¯m being ridiculous and maybe it¡¯s a night of drinks and God knows what. It¡¯s none of my


    business what he does outside of these four walls ¡­ or even in them sometimes. I just cannot shake


    the foreboding fear that my initial gut instinct was right, and he knew there was something tonight that I


    should be worried about.


    ¡®I¡¯m fine ¡­ I just need to go do something, then I¡¯ll be back.¡¯ I dismiss him coldly.


    By something, I mean call him again, or Mico, because I¡¯m edgy and tense and all I need is a little


    ¡®we¡¯re fine¡¯ and I¡¯ll calm down. I have put off texting Mico because I felt stupid but now I just can¡¯t stand


    it anymore. My phone is in the kitchen on charge and it will take a minute to bite the bullet and do it. It


    could just be that Alexi has his phone on silent because of his dinner and doesn¡¯t know I have been


    trying.


    ¡®Wait!¡¯ Something crosses my mind as I go to walk away and I turn back to him.


    ¡®How far is the reach on your wireless thingamajig?¡¯ I point at his ear thing and motion at his chest


    where I know the other part will be concealed.


    ¡®Hundred yards or so ¡­ out of Mico¡¯s reach if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking? I can try their channel but it


    won¡¯t reach.¡¯ He gives me that knowing look and I exhale heavily¡ªinstantly disappointed. It must be


    obvious that my earlier upset is guing me once more, and I blow out a long steady exhale to calm


    my trembling nerves.


    ¡®I need to call him. Something¡¯s wrong, I can feel it.¡¯ I sound like some needy wife, and I am aware


    Jackson is giving the weird eye as though I am one, but he just doesn¡¯t get it.


    My life, whether I like it or not, ispletely tangled up with Alexi Carrero on so many levels; it¡¯s not


    just about this club, this ie, this opportunity.


    He makes me feel safe.


    If it wasn¡¯t for him I wouldn¡¯t be here, I wouldn¡¯t have the apartment upstairs or my standing in this club


    as part owner. If it wasn¡¯t for him I would still be on the streets, hauling arse and begging for scraps in


    the shitty direction my life was going in. If it wasn¡¯t for him I would have probably met my end at Tyler¡¯s


    hands a long time ago and be another nameless face in the morgue, swept under the title of ¡®unknown


    victim of crime.¡¯ If it wasn¡¯t for Alexi I would just not have a life at all.


    Alexi has made sure that my survival depends on him, and he somehow managed to solidify it by


    dragging my heart in too. I just cannot imagine a life in which he doesn¡¯t exist and the thought


    absolutely terrifies me. If he died ¡­ I would die too.


    We are weirdly connected, and as much as I hate the fact, I can admit it. Alexi changed me in


    irreversible ways, so that I can no longer just go back to the street and pick up where I left off. Those


    four months were proof of that.


    He broke me, picked out the worst parts of Cami and turned them to ashes, but in her ce, he


    rebuilt something else when he gave me another chance. He shaped a woman who has no desire to


    ever go back to selling her body to survive. To live on her wiles and manipte and lie to everyone in


    her wake. To screw people over and always be looking behind her, over her shoulder, for thest


    person she ripped off. To keep living alone with no ties to anyone; She was a despicable worthless


    deviant, and she died with the part of me that Alexi ripped down ¡­ she never came back with me to


    this ce.


    I want more! I want to be proud of what I do and have something to have pride in. I want the security of


    people around me who care. I like my life now, even him sometimes, and I have no designs on


    maniption or upper hand in any way. I have everything I need, all I ever wanted as a child.


    A ce to belong¡ªSafe and warm ¡­ sheltered.


    I want for nothing, and even when he is being a boorish prick, I have always known he would never let


    anyone hurt me.


    In his own fucked up way, he has been trying this time, to make me feel valued and worthwhile; healing


    some of the wounds he left on my heart. Even if he can¡¯t actually say the words and make them sound


    like he means it, he has been showing me a different side to him. I have seen it, even if I denied it at


    first. I may not be dumb enough to fall back into his ws, but I appreciate the fact he has been trying


    to heal some of the things he did to me. I have seen his efforts even if I sometimes mistrust them.


    I pace away from Jackson, leave him watching me with an exasperated expression. He obviously isn¡¯t


    having the same panic over Alexi¡¯s safety as I am and doesn¡¯t get the depths of fear coursing through


    me.


    I avoid people milling around and head out to the corridor, using my pass to get into the kitchen out of


    the way, d to see it¡¯s empty.


    I head straight for my phone, pull it off the charging dock and immediately swipe to Alexi¡¯s number and


    hit dial, tensing my whole body and holding my breath as I put it to my ear.


    It rings out for what seems like an eternity then goes straight to his answerphone and I try again.


    Two, three, four, five times in a row with mounting panic as each one trails off then goes to his


    voicemail. I take a heavy breath and shake myself, instead pulling up Mico¡¯s number and try him with a


    sense of hope and my fingers crossed.


    I get the same result.

 Chapter 135

    Chapter 135


    Heart plummeting and head consumed with worry and frustration. I know it could just be that they don¡¯t


    want to be disturbed and both have their phones on mute, I have never tried to call him at a dinner


    before, so I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s normal protocol.


    I trawl my phone to see if I have Daniels¡¯ number, or any of the other men on his watch, then try Mico


    again when I find none. It just goes to answerphone right away this time and I shudder. Completely


    overwhelmed with this and hating how overwrought it has me feeling. I¡¯m just cut loose and lost and


    don¡¯t know how to act. My brain is spewing over a thousand scenarios and visions that turn my


    stomach inside out. I need to stop thinking the worst but I can¡¯t help it.


    Something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones and soul, and Alexi never usually ignores his phone at


    any other time of day. It seems like Mico has turned his off suddenly and I start to tremble crazily.


    The panic which started upstairs hits doubly hard, almost winding me, and I rush out into the corridor to


    shake myself and take a breath. I head back to look for Jackson to have him call any of the other men


    he knows are on Alexi¡¯s security detail, but I am stopped with him meeting me half way. He looks ashen


    and so very serious.


    ¡®No one is answering their cell ¡­pletemunication ckout,¡¯ he states, almost as though he


    read my mind and tried to call people when I was. I wonder if we cross called Mico and that¡¯s why I got


    his answerphone.


    I instinctively try again and this time Mico¡¯s rings out in the same way Alexi¡¯s did.


    Shit!


    ¡®Not a single one of them is answering, Jackson. What does that mean?¡¯ I ask him grabbing onto his


    jacket pathetically, which only emphasizes my growing despair.


    ¡®It means something is going down and Alexi has put everyone on noms mode ¡­ it¡¯s normal for


    him. Keeps the channel clear and stops prying ears from any Intel.¡¯ He looks a little stressed, but not in


    full-blown freak out like me, and I grip him harder.


    ¡®Meaning?¡¯ I can¡¯t handle it. I¡¯m visibly shaking and wing at him for answers to still my beating heart


    but I cannot get control of it.


    I feel sick. Something inside me knew ¡­ it just knew.


    ¡®It means something is happening and we wait. We use the radios like Chinese whispers across the


    city. If there is news it will be passed on until it gets to us. These mics are secure and we all have our


    own channels.¡¯ Almost as soon as it¡¯s out of his mouth he pauses and covers his ear with his finger and


    thumb. Looking up and past me towards security down the hall and my eyes follow too. I see them all


    pause and listen, and I guess something on their wireless hase through, passed on just like he


    said it would. Everything just stops dead as I hold still and wait for whatever it is.


    ¡®Shit!¡¯ Jackson pales and presses his ear.


    ¡®It¡¯s Jackson, I need the venue location ¡­ We¡¯re on our way from Zone 3 Club. We¡¯ll take over the pick


    up.¡¯ He says to some unknown voice in his ear and I tug at him crazily. Emotion taking over as my heart


    starts racing again. Mind turning faint with the overwhelming assault of everything I am feeling. I feel


    like my surroundings are starting to spin wildly.


    ¡®What¡¯s happening ¡­ What¡¯s wrong?¡¯ I squeal as he pulls me off, starts clicking fingers and pushing


    men, who all seem to crowd this way. Two of them from the group pull me aside and it seems they are


    organising something between them agitatedly, all abuzz with whatever they heard, and I am shoved


    away as unimportant. The air is crackling among them and hitting me with bad vibes.


    ¡®Jackson? What?¡¯ I squeal at him in hysteria and pull him by the arm out of the fold of his men


    frantically. He clears his throat, seems to pull himself together and holds onto me with a firm grip on my


    arms.


    ¡®There¡¯s been a shooting ¡­ There are casualties. We need to go pick up our men as police have


    cordoned off the restaurant and cars can¡¯t get out.¡¯ His face is unusually white and I can tell he¡¯s not as


    calm as he¡¯s making out. I pale as everything in me turns to ashes and a numb shock hits every part of


    me. The blood rushes to my head so that my stomach lurches and eyes blur.


    ¡®What about Alexi? What about Mico?¡¯ Ites out like a strangled gasp and Jackson¡¯s eyes drop from


    me agonisingly. His face haunting and eyes wide as something hits him hard.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know. No names¡ªonly that we need to pick up five survivors from their party of eight.¡¯


    That¡¯s all I remember as my body gives out and my mind nks with the heavy pain I can¡¯t handle.


    I pass out.


    I wake up on the couch in the apartment, a cool damp cloth on my head that¡¯s been draped over my


    eyes, but no one is here with me and I mber to get up in panic. My shoes are on the floor next to me


    and there is a throw pulled over my body by whoever deposited me here. I nch inplete


    disorientation.


    I guess the men put me here, probably Jackson, considering the care I have been shown. I have been


    shoved out of the way and left to sleep for God knows how long; an unimportant hysterical woman who


    just got in the way of the bigger picture. They are probably down there like panicked rabbits, running


    about in chaos, falling apart, trying to find out if their leader is dead.


    Alexi might be dead.


    It hits me with the same shock it did downstairs and I instantly wretch in reaction to a real magnificent


    trauma to my heart. Pulling myself off the couch I have to run to get to the kitchen sink before I vomit all


    over it. I throw my face in the steel sink and brace on my palms, either side of me as sheer devastation


    consumes me.


    Despite the heaving of my body trying to expel what¡¯s in my stomach, nothinges up except pain


    and saliva through tears and desperate choking. I continue to wretch over and over, but again there¡¯s


    nothing there because I haven¡¯t eaten in hours to even bring anything up. I was so overly anxious all


    night I couldn¡¯t think about food.


    I slump down when it subsides, clutching my ribs, sliding down the unit into a heap on the floor, fatigue


    gripping me suddenly. My body¡¯s giving up on me and I roll down into the foetal position as I try to gasp


    for air as all my thoughtse cascading in on me at once¡ªThe realisation that this isn¡¯t a dream.


    I can feel the atmosphere in the building around me, almost as if it were trembling in movement. The


    chaos of a kingdom trying to find it¡¯s king and tearing apart, crumbling to dust¡­ or maybe that¡¯s just


    me. Maybe it¡¯s me that¡¯s falling apart.


    My body hits full blinding panic mode and as it alles rushing back for another sweep. I turn,


    hysterical in excruciating pain, convinced my insides are going to selfbust or I may pass out from


    the inability to breathe. My lungs are aching with the effort as I try and drag air into them, shaking like a


    leaf as tears pour down my cheeks, blinding my vision, clog up my nose and throat and soak my dress.


    I can¡¯t move; the weakness that has overtaken me is suffocating me with extreme weight.


    I believe the worst ¡­ five of the eight he said¡ªthat means three are dead ¡­


    Alexi and Mico wouldn¡¯t answer their phones.


    Maybe because they can¡¯t.


    The two men who mean the most to me.


    I can¡¯t survive this.


    I don¡¯t know how.


    I start sobbing all over again, howling like a dying animal with a noise I never knew I could expel, and


    gripping at my hair as I try to stop the gnawing pains stabbing through every single cell of my entire


    body. It¡¯s more than I can bear and I am just wailing desperately, brain crashing and stuttering because


    it cannot function anymore.


    I have my first panic attack in years. The room closing in and vision cking out as my heart pounds; it


    feels like I¡¯m having a heart attack inside my ribs and my limbs stiffen in chaos. I gulp and gasp and


    w at my throat and will myself to breathe, but end up face down on the floor as I struggle to get


    control¡ªA mess of tears and running makeup as I w for something to take this pain away.


    I knew ¡­ deep down ¡­ I knew something was wrong.


    Why didn¡¯t he listen to me? Why didn¡¯t he stay with me?


    I manage to crawl to my knees desperately and head for the table like a child learning to move; trying


    to just stop the terror from an inability to fully expand my lungs.


    A part of me is telling myself to get up, to pull myself together and rationalise. Trying to find that little


    girl who curled up to die at eleven years old, much like this, and pushing her to stop ¡­ just stop


    Cami.


    Breathe.


    Except how can I breathe when my oxygen is gone? Snubbed out and taken from me before I really got


    to see if there was more for us than this. I¡¯ll never breathe again if he doesn¡¯te back to me. I will lie


    down and go with him.


    He promised me.


    HE PROMISED ME!!!


    I reach cking out levels of oxygen starvation, and as my lungs finally realise, I gulp in air; my brain


    pushing through and urging me on. That sense to survive reigns supreme, and gives me enough to


    haul myself back together and calm the god-awful noiseing out of me.


    I haul myself to the table heavily and grab my phone painfully. Robotically type in his name, doing the


    only thing I can to get my shit together. I push it to my ear as a part of me tries so hard to just make him


    answer. It¡¯s all I have to cling on to, to make this not true. To stop myself being ripped apart by the


    devastation of the possibility that my Alexi might nevere back. I can¡¯t allow myself to think that


    way.


    He can¡¯t be gone ¡­ I won¡¯t let him go. I won¡¯t let him leave me.


    I push my back against the table as Ie to curl on the floor in the space between it and the couch,


    tears streaming down my cheeks as it rings and rings and I close my eyes and curl up tight, sobbing as


    once again I get his answer phone. My mind is unable to ept that it¡¯s true.


    I just need him to answer. I scrunch my eyes tightly closed and even consider praying to a god I don¡¯t


    believe in. I¡¯ll do anything to bring him back.


    ¡®Cam?¡¯ A painfully familiar husky voice startles me, only not from my phone ¡­ ites from behind


    and I spin in muddled brain confusion to the figure in the open doorway looking my way, and double


    blink at the shadowy form framed by the bright lights behind him.


    My heart somersaults and blinding tears halt mid-sob in disbelief. Everything in me just stops dead. A


    moment ofplete pause as my world stops spinning and my head catches up.


    He can¡¯t be real ¡­ it¡¯s not him. I¡¯m having some sort of grief-fuelled hallucination as I scan the


    unfamiliar casual clothes, knowing he left in a tux, and he can¡¯t be standing looking at me like that if he


    is dead. He¡¯s dressed all wrong, in a ck hoody over ck trousers and a pair of trainers.


    He looks confused, normal in every way andpletely the best sight I have everid eyes on, and I


    just gawk at him stupefied and blink away the tears and hazy vision to look again.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    ¡®Cam, what¡¯s wrong? What is it?¡¯ He sounds deeply concerned, genuinely so, as his eyes search mine


    for signs of a reason, and I just openly stare at him. I can¡¯t quite get my mind to trante what I am


    seeing.

 Chapter 136

    Chapter 136


    ¡®Alexi?¡¯ I wail it frantically, as though a ghost has walked in and is trying to trick me. And before thought


    hits me I chuck my phone down harshly, not caring about breaking it, and run straight for him; my body


    finding a sudden surge of newfound strength and energy, throwing myself around his neck in a moment


    ofplete craziness before he disappears again.


    I collide with hard torso, his taller height as I leap at him and wrap myself around his neck, practically


    strangling him with my overenthusiasm. I¡¯m unable to stop the sobsing over me as his familiar


    smell and familiar touch envelopes mepletely.


    ¡®I thought you were dead.¡¯ I blurt out throughboured breaths, trying to calm down. Shuddering from


    thee down of my epic emotional breakdown. I pull him close and try to convince myself he really is


    here. I am all but raking my hands over him to check every inch of him is unscathed, undented and


    truly real flesh and blood.


    Alexi wraps me up tight and pushes his face against the side of mine as he cradles my head to him.


    Squeezing me half to death in the most wee hug I have ever had in my life. Overwhelming me with


    how much I need his touch.


    ¡®Why would you think that? I¡¯m right here. I¡¯m fine ¡­ honest. Rough night, but I am absolutely fine. I


    promised you, didn¡¯t I?¡¯ He soundspletely and utterly like him, in every single way. If not a little


    shocked at my behaviour, but he won¡¯t let me go and holds as tightly as I do¡ªMy body warming and


    tingling where icy cold once dwelled. My heart rate multiplies for the feel and relief of him really being


    here with me, wrapped in a beautiful hug that fills up my soul. I cry, but not in despair, just real genuine


    heartfelt thanks that he dide back to me, and he is crushing the life out of me with the most


    meaningful embrace.


    I pull back to look at him, so much going off inside me. His pale grey gorgeous eyes scan my face and


    his finger he trails down my cheek to wipe the sodden mess away. Looking at me like that ¡­


    handsome and gentle, Ipletely surrender to the joy and relief coursing through me.


    I don¡¯t utter an answer, instead, I kiss him.


    I throw in everything and pull his face to mine with determined fingertips, and give my most grateful


    ¡®thank the heavens for bringing him home¡¯ passionate kiss that I have ever given anyone in my life.


    Alexi pauses for a second, stunned by the unexpectedness of it no doubt, and pulls back. Looking me


    in the eye, seemingly shocked at what I just did, and then he too moves in and kisses me back without


    hesitation. Locking his perfect mouth to mine so that he prizes open my lips, just enough to fully


    connect in a way that sends explosions through my stomach.


    It¡¯s a kiss that rips me apart inside, my heart aching and body crumbling to dust as I¡¯m submerged in


    the kind of euphoria you can only ever dream of knowing. My heart hammers through my chest and my


    whole body turns to explosive bubbles as his soft lips caress mine and pulls me intoplete heaven


    ¡ªHe feels divine.


    Alexi¡¯s hands slide from around me to cradle my face as he moulds perfectly to my mouth and explores


    my kiss with a matched passion. Fuelled by pain from believing I had lost him forever, I give him my all


    and he meets it in every way. He kisses me like he means it and it¡¯s a far cry from any way he has ever


    kissed me before. I can feel the longing in it, and we both be one on matched movement and


    sensual teases. Arms sliding around one another as bodies are moulded together sensually. His


    tongue grazes mine and he just tastes so good.


    Alexi slides one hand under my hair and angles my face to him so he can push against my tongue with


    his and deepens the kiss he gives me. Making love to my mouth and tangles us up together in a way


    that ignites every single piece of fire I possess; Mouths opening to amodate the kind of French


    kissing that melts your body into liquid ecstasy. We cannot get close enough. There¡¯s a raw hunger


    being let loose in an unbridled fashion as our fire builds and the kiss sets a crazy need alight - one that


    consumes me.


    I want him.


    He wants me.


    He pulls my dress over my head in one sweeping movement that separates us for seconds, startling


    me with the sudden release of my mouth and whipping off my clothes past my face. I dive straight back


    in, locking my mouth back to his and surrender to another toe-curling snog. I start hauling his hoody


    over his head, t-shirt following with his help and uncover all that hot smooth skin calling to be touched.


    No hesitation at all. Fuelled by animal hunger, all thoughts of anything else momentarily drowned out


    by this unyielding need for him toplete me.


    Whatever happened tonight, I don¡¯t need to know. I just need to feel him all around me and know he¡¯s


    safe. It makes me cling to him all the more in the realisation that something went down, and he might


    never have returned. I am just relieved he¡¯s not one of the casualties, and his manner when he came in


    tells me that neither is Mico. He wouldn¡¯t have been so calm had his cousin been hurt, or worse.


    My men are safe¡ªboth of them. I can thank God that he listened to me.


    I bite his bottom lip as Itch onto him and gasp when both his hands grab my arse hard and pull me


    up against his groin aggressively, showing me how crazily turned on he is too, as his erect penis grinds


    through his trousers against me. It¡¯s hotter than hell and I¡¯m aching between my thighs with the


    knowledge that he wants this too.


    The craving for sex with him is almost ripping me in two. Hands turn to ws, I rake down his pecs and


    abdomen, a surge of power as I feel him flinch and move under my scratching caress; A groan low in


    his throat which only pushes me to devour him all the more. He has always been a lover of rougher


    handling and I am only too willing toply.


    I¡¯m in ck knickers and ace bra and moulded to him as he stands in just trousers and fast


    unbuttoning to set him free. Alexi dips and sucks my neck erotically, trailing nibbles and kisses, small


    bites, before tilting my head back to trace his tongue between my breasts and slides my straps off my


    shoulders smoothly. My inner thighs almost convulse with his touch, and I long to be free of my


    underwear and have him all over me and inside of me immediately.


    This isn¡¯t sweet, soft, romantic passion between two people. This is primal need because one of us


    believes they would never see the other again, and the other is an aggressive hot Italian who knows


    how to feed a need when faced with unbridled passion. Alexi is at his best when he is untamed and let


    loose a little, and I am a girl who likes his special brand of amour.


    Alexi picks me up easily and I automatically wrap my legs around his waist. Mouths entwined once


    more, arms around his strong neck to get as close as humanly possible and hold me up. I get lost in a


    kiss that was designed to make women fall apart. He¡¯s a natural, and whether this is from years of


    practice or just an ability born within him ¡­ Alexi has ruined me for any other kiss ever again.


    Alexi probes my mouth with his tongue and I feel the bra I am wearing fall loose as he expertly unclips


    it from behind and lets it go. I pull my arm out and remove it, followed by the other before I toss it aside


    carelessly. His one free hand cups my breast harshly and he breaks away from my mouth to push my


    nipple up to his teeth, sucking, biting and grinding his teeth across the sensitive end. I moan out,


    pushing my fingers into his hair and grip tightly as I yank his head back aggressively and push my


    mouth to his once more. He makes me crazy for his lips on mine and I know he can handle a little feisty


    cat in our sex.


    His hand under my backside grips me hard, so that I yelp then giggle against his teeth, pushing my


    soaring body heat higher. I gasp when I find myself dropped on a cool satin surface and realise that we


    are in his room already, on his bed as he follows quickly toe over me like a panther on his prey. He


    cages over me, bringing his mouth back to mine as his hands roam down every curve with a firm


    possessiveness. Breaking from my mouth to lean down and kiss my throat and breasts, sucking and


    nibbling as I arch under him and wrap my legs around him once more. His kisses burn with a passion I


    feel inside of me and I could be in heaven right now. I am pretty sure this is what it looks and feels like.


    If Satan is allowed to run amuck and fuck all the angels that is.


    I pull the waistband of the ck trousers he had on with his tux and finish undoing thest buttons,


    pulling them down and trying to fight clothes out of my way. My mind on one goal¡ªunveiling that


    throbbing hot part of him that my body is yearning for and letting him find his release inside of me. I


    want it more than air, and I am almost turning inside out with the heat of the fire coursing through me. I


    feel like my body is practically tearing in two in desperation to feel him inside of me. Vibrating with a


    hunger, the suspense has me squirming and pulling at him to put me out of my misery. I have never


    known sex could feel this intense without actually starting yet.


    Alexi leans up and helps me, stopping his assault of sucking kisses to push them down and releases


    himself to full glory, just enough for me to get my hands around him and it¡¯s clear neither of us are


    stopping this. Alexi has an erection that shames most men, he wants me as much as I want him and I


    slide my knickers down with one hand before he takes over.


    He pulls them down the length of my body, stopping to swoop in and kiss me on my inner thigh as he


    does so, and lifts my legs with him as he sits up to kneel. He edges them past my feet, near his ears,


    before he throws them behind him carelessly. Pulling my ankles apart roughly and bending down to


    bury his mouth and tongue between my thighs and connects to my throbbing hot awaiting centre.


    I arch with the sudden shock of the unexpected pleasure and grab at the bed sheets in ecstasy. Rolling


    my head back and tightening my limbs as his probing tongue enters me and makes me spasm almost


    instantly. Climax won¡¯t be hard when he has me this turned on and sensitive, and I moan out again


    when he probes me more deeply with another stroke of his tongue.


    ¡®Oh my god ¡­ ahhhh.¡¯ I cry out as he sucks my clitoris and feels his way inside me with his finger at


    the same time, finding me ready and wet for him¡ªI almost orgasm there and then.


    Oral isn¡¯t something I have had a lot of in my life, seeing as most men want the gratification for


    themselves, and very few return the favour. Alexi, however, has skills in sucking and probing me so that


    I lose the ability to do very much else except writhe about on his sheets and lose my mind in sheer


    pleasure. The hot wet sensation of him kissing me down there, much like he kissed my mouth, and I


    end up almost bent double with the way my spine arches as tingles run up my abdomen.


    He never bothered with oral any other time he fucked me, and even though we have had rough sex


    before, this still feels different. He seems to care if I am enjoying it as much as him, and this little


    attention to something he never gave me before is a glimpse at another change. He isn¡¯t trying to


    possess me in any way¡ªhe¡¯s making this an equal pursuit. Not an Alexi move at all.


    Alexi releases me when my moans reach fever pitch, body tingling and heating from toes to my


    stomach in pleasurable waves - a sign I am close to cumming and I gasp in annoyance. Looking back


    down at that smug gorgeous face as he leaves me dangling on a precipice so close to it. Crawling up


    me with that hard body of his anding to rest over me. Arms caging my arms as he dips down to


    run that delicious tongue up my neck and then drops a kiss on my mouth quickly.


    ¡®Why did you stop?¡¯ I frown at him, frustrated, breathless with how close tobustion my body is;


    Skin hot and goose bumping, pretty much useless to do anything when I am on the verge of explosion.


    ¡®I want to be inside you when you climax. I want to feel you cum, baby.¡¯ He grinds against me hoarsely,


    igniting me with the throbbing sensitivity he has left my clit in. Returning to kissing me again and locks


    our mouths together as his hand kneads my breast and his other is used to keep most of his weight off


    me by palming the bed beside me.


    He doesn¡¯t waste time anyway; pulling my hips up to meet him when he releases my tits and slides


    inside of me slowly, to connect our bodies in one even sweep that exacts aplete groan from both


    of us. He always fitted me so perfectly and this brings back every good memory of how much sex with


    him has always been mind-blowing when it wasn¡¯t used to hurt me. No harsh taking, no thrusts to put


    me in my ce. A slow easy move once he worked me into a state of readiness.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    ¡®Ahh, Alexi, fuck.¡¯ I cry out as the wave of pleasure from what he was doing before doubles and


    intensifies with what he has instead. I always did like his natural size and girth when it came to my body


    ¡ªwe are a perfect match and the heat and soft skin of a penis is way more satisfying than BOB could


    ever be.


    Fuck my vibrator when the real thing blows the sensations clean out of the water.


    I clench my legs around him impulsively when he moves further into me, hands finding his abs, and


    trailing around his waist and up his back as he lowers down on top of me. His mouth back on my


    breast, and then up my throat with licks and nibbles before he¡¯s back at my lips, and devours me all the


    more.

 Chapter 137

    Chapter 137


    Alexi starts pushing into me, quick hard thrusts once he knows my body has amodated to fit him,


    and he doesn¡¯t hold back. He fucks me hard, uncontrolled passion as he pushes his weight down on


    me and finds my wrist with his own hand, pushing one arm over my head and holding me taut, so he


    can control how deep he hits my core. I w at his shoulder and cling to him with my free arm, trying to


    get him as bodily close as I can. I want to taste every inch of him as I lick at his throat, his jawline and


    capture his lips for another scorching make-out session. I bite on his lip harshly, holding on for dear life


    and moaning as he screws me with a force that has us both panting and gasping for breath. His bed


    squeaking and creaking under the effort and I swear it might copse.


    It¡¯s not slow or even adventurous by any means. It¡¯s more of a burning need to quickly be consumed,


    and as he impales me harder, bodies getting mmy with exertion and grunts and groans start


    overtaking the air. My legs are wrapped around his waist as he pounds me intoplete submission,


    amid pants and pleasure squeals.


    I starting undone equally fast. Missionary position, at it like horny teens who are trying to annihte


    one another with brute forced sex, but it has to be one of the best moments I have ever had in my life.


    He is hitting the very best spot inside of me over and over and I can feel the warmth of my body


    soaking him with the evidence.


    Alexi grabs my free iling hand when I try to hold onto something as waves overtake me, sliding his


    palms to both of mine and intecing our fingers as he pins my hands on the bed on either side of my


    head. Pushing and thrusting and climbing with me as he lifts himself up, so we are nose to nose.


    ¡®Cum for me baby. I want you to take me with you.¡¯ He breathes in my face, pulling my eyes to his as


    we lock on and the gaze intensifies how good it feels. Having those soulless grey eyes almost


    ovee with pupils in the darkness of his room, something sizzling between us as I pant and try to


    stay with him. I don¡¯t want to look away. I love his eyes, I always have, and right now, they are the


    doorway to heaven as he makes me climb higher.


    He continues to push me to that high goal of an explosion, not slowing his thrusts or the force of how


    hard he¡¯s hitting me inside. It¡¯s beyond crazy good and I swear I may never walk again after this, but it


    will be so fucking worth it. Alexi is an actual porn star in the making, and I have never known sex could


    be this amazing.


    I arch, my body meeting his off the bed and crumble in a scream of ecstasy as everything inside of me


    combusts in one showering star-strewn moment of an explosive orgasm. Ites so fast I don¡¯t have


    much of a build-up, and as much as he tries to keep my face to his, he has to let me go as my limbs


    spasm and my body convulses around him.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    He doesn¡¯t stop, pushing through it so that it drags out and lingers, bringing my pleasure past the point


    of human capability, and all I can do is cry out and scream his name as my body soaks around him


    satisfyingly. He finds his release in my exaggerated climax, gripping my hands tighter so there is a


    second of brutal crushing of my little digits, and shudders along with me. Finding his own orgasm inside


    of me and igniting a tiny trail of ongoing convulsions between my thighs and up my lower abdomen to


    fade out the most mind-blowing thing that has ever happened to me. That was a fifteen plus on the


    orgasm scale by any standards.


    Thest waves of heavy breathing and panting as he slows to aplete stop, before copsing on


    top of me and stills us finally. A mmy pair of bodies in a heap, glistening in the dull light, still


    intertwined and connected as he catches his breath.


    It was fast ¡­ hard ¡­ sexy as hell, and right now my body is tingling from my toes to my scalp in the


    aftereffects of almost being torn in two in the best way. My inner thighs are drenched with the evidence


    ofbined pleasure as he slides out of me gently. I know I should get up and clean myself up before


    we soil his ck bed sheets, yet I literally cannot move. My entire body dies a death from utter sedation


    from being sopletely satisfied. My legs shaking with it.


    Alexi is panting as he lets me go and rolls off me to slump on the bed beside me ¡­ both breathing like


    we have run a marathon, facing the ceiling in the darkness as we lie apart and try to regte our


    breathing and body heat. I am sweating like a pig, way too hot even though I am lying naked and my


    body is zinging all over. There¡¯s isn¡¯t a part of me that is not singing from his attentions.


    ¡®Holy shit.¡¯ It¡¯s all he mutters in a very satisfied sexy and husky tone before he leans in, kisses me on


    the temple quickly and then gets up to slide off the bed, before heading to his bathroom and shuts the


    door. I guess he has the sense to get cleaned up, seeing as there must be a hell of a lot if how it felt


    was anything to go by.


    I take a moment to bask in the carefree moments of satedpletion. My body feels whole and my


    mind and heart are still and content. First time that¡¯s ever happened in my lifetime. My sexual cravings


    of thest months finally met; my heart and body ying a crescendo in the aftermath.


    Just for a moment. A little carefree, no reality check just yet, second of my calm and guilt free mind.


    One tiny pause of happiness.


    Before the darkness of a heavy and painful realisation hits me hard like a swift kick in the face, and


    sense, no longer lust drugged,es around to shake me harder than hard. I swallow and focus my


    eyes on the roof over me as my heart plummets and nausea begins to swirl at the realisation of what I


    have just done.


    I let Alexi fuck me ¡­ again.


    I brought sex to the table, in a rtionship that only knows destruction at its hands.


    What have I done?


    After everything he did, and everything I swore I would never let him do again. I crossed that line to sex


    and I just opened the door to his ability to fuck me up all over again. It hits me like a sucker punch in


    the stomach as my entire happy mood and tingles give way to crushing self-doubt and the heavy


    weight ofplete panic once more.


    Didn¡¯t I learn anything?


    Didn¡¯t I tell myself that when it came to sex he changes and turns on me like a caged beast?


    I have been down this road before! When I stupidly thought it wouldn¡¯t change anything and it changed


    EVERYTHING.


    My heart is no longer slowing from exertion, but pounding and hammering in my chest as fear and the


    realisation that he will destroy me all over again hits me hard. It¡¯s what he does. Only this time I¡¯m not


    strong enough. I won¡¯t be able to take it twice ¡­ this time I can¡¯t.


    If I thought I loved him before then it¡¯s a paleparison to how I feel about him now. It¡¯s nothing like


    last time; it¡¯s more all-consuming and much deeper than I ever thought it could go. He¡¯s fed it


    somehow; nurtured and made it grow, all while I was telling myself I didn¡¯t care about him. He¡¯s swept


    me off the rug once more and manipted and manoeuvred me into a ce where he can ruin me all


    over again. And I walked right into it. Like aplete amateur.


    I can¡¯t stay here with him.


    Terror grips my throat, catapulting my mind and body in synchronised escape mode and I sit up with


    the real fear of what I just started. It hits me at full pelt, my body weakening as sweat creeps down my


    spine and I look to his bathroom door nervously. The only bright light in the room ising from the


    gap under the door, and I climb off the bed nervously and run for the lounge.


    I leave my underwear behind, find my dress on the floor where he left it and pull it over my head in a


    hurry. Mind in chaos as my throat dries out and tears sting at my eyes. Heart catapulted into my


    stomach and I¡¯m only focused on one thing¡ªrunning!


    If I leave he can¡¯t hurt me again. Get out of his reach ¡­ out of his grasp ¡­ out of his city this time. Go


    further than he will ever find me.


    I can¡¯t and won¡¯t let him mess with my head all over again.


    My bracelet catches in my hair as I drag it out of my neckline and I gawp at it in horror, pulling it open


    instinctively and throw it on the table as though it has burned me. A symbol of his tools and weapons to


    get into my heart, and I was stupid not to see it.


    He wooed me this time, didn¡¯t force his control on me. He was clever, pulled me close and let me fall all


    over again.


    I need to break ties with him ¡­ now, fast. Before it starts and I¡¯m too weak to run.


    He gets inside my mind and I be a willing prisoner so easily. I have no defences once I know he¡¯s


    inside of me and now he has all the upper hand. Sex showed him that I still want and need him. It¡¯s all


    he needed from me.


    I drag myself to my room, grabbing shoes and my bag in blind-eyed desperation, furiously trying to


    gather my wits as I clutch my things to my chest and head back out as quickly as I can. I start running


    for the apartment door, refusing to look back or take anything else. I just need to go and get far away


    from him, to safety. I can start from scratch again, it doesn¡¯t matter.


    He can have his club back. He can take everything as long as I get to go and get to stay sane.


    My heart is almost bursting through my chest as my body flushes with cold fear and I yank at the door


    to get out.


    ¡®Cam? What are you doing?¡¯ His voice hits me like a freight train, and I turn like a deer caught in the


    headlights to see him standing at his bedroom door in a pair of boxers, looking at me with an


    expression that screamsplete confusion. He just looks wounded and stiff and the question in his


    face breaks mepletely. Abhorred that I should have apletely guilty reaction, thinking I might


    hurt him.


    That¡¯s how screwed up he has made me.


    I start to cry properly, not sure why, but it¡¯s what hits me first as I tremble visibly in front of him; All my


    scars on show.


    ¡®I have to go ¡­ this was a mistake,¡¯ I blurt out, voice strained and all over the ce, gasping for air and


    he just frowns at me more deeply.


    ¡®What are you talking about? Why do you have to go?¡¯ It¡¯s not exactly the unemotional deadpan that I


    am expecting, it¡¯s more that of a hurt child and I know it¡¯s starting already; getting inside my head,


    working on me to knock me down.


    ¡®We don¡¯t work ¡­ you and I ¡­ this is how it starts. Sex ruins everything and I can¡¯t do it again. I won¡¯t


    survive you a second time.¡¯ My hands are shaking as I cling to my shoes and force them against myself


    so harshly, they start to bruise and hurt my breasts. Gripping so my knuckles turn white and I can¡¯t


    keep my eyes on his. Boring into me intensely and I start to falter, my body turning weak as I get dizzy.


    Alexi¡¯s face crumbles, and he loses all hints of Carrero confidence, leaving the look of someone I have


    never seen before; A face that seems to show hints of real emotional turmoil and pain. Real upset.¡ªA


    y at acting like he cares.


    ¡®It¡¯s not like that this time. Just give me a chance to exin.¡¯ He sounds as broken as me and I try to


    shake it away. I know it¡¯s a lie, an act, a game to him, but yet, my heart breaks in two and I weep


    pathetically, showing him all my vulnerabilities and ying right into his hands.


    Stupid, stupid girl. I am falling into the rabbit¡¯s hole once more, and he will chew me up and spit me out.


    ¡®Don¡¯t! This is what you do!¡¯ I whimper back at him, wing at my hair near my temple, prodding myself


    in the head with a finger manically, looking crazy, messed up on so many levels. I¡¯m scared of him for


    what he has the potential to do to me. That silver tongue and insane ability he possesses to overpower


    my soul.


    ¡®You get inside my head and fuck me up ¡­ you make me think one thing and then rip me apart with


    another. You push me to desperate levels where the only option I see to get out is a bad one.¡¯ I clutch


    at my hair and make grabbing motions over the side of my head, like I am trying to pull out my own


    brain as I try to reel in the control. Eyes blurry with the tears falling down my face and I can feel my


    knees giving way under my own weight. Body powerless and at breaking point. It won¡¯t take much for


    him to strike me down again; so effortless to break me a second time.


    Alexi makes a move towards me, shaking his head solemnly, but I jump back, clutching my bag and


    shoes harder against me, so they start to really hurt me a lot with the pressure I am forcing them


    against me with, a sign of my sheer petrified state.


    I¡¯m terrified of him.


    He can hurt me in ways no one ever could and this time ¡­ I invited it.


    Idiot Cami. Stupid, fucking idiot.

 Chapter 138

    Chapter 138


    ¡®Cam, it¡¯s not what you think. I swear.¡¯ He looks ashen, I¡¯m not sure how to read his bodynguage, but


    he seems to be unsure as to what to do, and I stand like a panicked animal held in a trap. Looking for a


    way out and itching to turn and take off as fast as I can. My body seems frozen in fear as that predator


    moves in on me and my heart is almost crashing out of my ribs in response.


    ¡®Just let me go ¡­ take your club, your money, your apartment. Rip up the contracts. I don¡¯t want them. I


    don¡¯t want anything from you.¡¯ I¡¯m sobbing as I try to back out, but the door has swung behind me a


    little and I have to turn to pull it open, frantically struggling with its heavy weight and grasping manically


    for the handle. I can feel him getting closer as he moves in on me and it spurs my fight or flight instinct.


    Finding the strength to give it a mighty yank open and hightail it into the hall away from him.


    ¡®Cam. They don¡¯t matter to me. They never did, it wasn¡¯t about the club. Don¡¯t leave me like this, you


    need to know¡­¡­.¡¯ Alexi calls after me,ing at speed, and I close my eyes tight as I hit the lift


    button and beg for it toe fast; Feet unable to stay still on the carpeted floor and almost dancing in


    terror as I urge it to hurry.


    ¡®I have to go.¡¯ It¡¯s a broken, tiny whimpering voice, and yet he hears me. I can¡¯t look back at him but I


    can feel his heat close to me as hees towards me.


    ¡®Listen to me ¡­ please.¡¯ Alexi is right behind me and I freeze when he closes in against my body and


    back, hands on my shoulders to get a hold of me. My whole body moves to high alert, jumping in sheer


    terror as both memory of my past, and memory of things he did to me, shock me like a high electric


    volt, and he lets me go instantly.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry ¡­ shit ¡­ I didn¡¯t mean toe at you from behind. I didn¡¯t mean that. Cam, I¡¯m sorry,


    honestly. I don¡¯t want to scare you.¡¯ He sounds weird, tripping over his own words as I recoil away like


    a scared rabbit and wrap myself up in my own embrace, still clinging to my things desperately like


    some sort of lifeline for getting away. I stare at him warily as he backs off, his hands up in a defensive


    truce gesturing he isn¡¯ting at me. I shoot forward fast, hit the button again and stop at the weird


    look on his face that makes me pause.


    He looks as distraught as I feel. Brows furrowed over sad eyes that seem to have lost all hints of


    colour. That jaw tense and something in his expression that tells me he¡¯s close to emotional.


    ¡®Please ¡­ don¡¯t. Cam ¡­ baby ¡­ please. I just need you to let me talk, for you to listen. I need to


    exin.¡¯ His eyes mist over too and his skin pales, he¡¯s looking at me so pleadingly it strikes a pain in


    my heart, but I just shake my head, lip trembling with the force of my own fear and heartbreak. I know


    it¡¯s all games and maniption to mess me up, confuse me and make it impossible to think straight.


    He¡¯s a sadist who gets off on crushing girls like me to death and I mean nothing to him¡ªI never did. He


    told me that often enough and I would be a fool to ever believe someone like him could ever love or


    care about some white trash nobody like me. I know what I am ¡­ I have always been worthless to


    everyone.


    As the door opens, he catches me by the wrist firmly so I can¡¯t dash in, holding me tight, and I turn on


    him, eyes wide as I choke back on desperate cries; unable to formte a sentence through garbled


    words and sniffs of panic.


    ¡®Cam ¡­ I swear ¡­ it¡¯s not the same ¡­ I¡¯m not the same ¡­ don¡¯t leave me, I¡¯m begging you. I don¡¯t


    want to go through that again, please.¡¯ It¡¯s such a desperate plea that unlocks my throat and I find my


    courage to face my abuser.


    ¡®Go through what? Losing your toy? ¡¯ I cry at him, knowing I should close my eyes and ears and block


    him out. He¡¯s the devil incarnate, and he will fuck my mind up if I let him. I was the one who went


    through hell, not him. He¡¯s trying to turn it on me.


    ¡®Losing you again. Months of agony in trying to find you, not knowing where you were or if you were


    okay. Ripping myself apart with regret and desperate to see you. I can¡¯t let you leave me. I need you


    here.¡¯ His voice breaks and I gawk at him, heart ripping in two because I am so confused and so


    scared and broken with the reality that I am about to lose everything again¡ªAll because I was too


    stupid to not fall in love with him all over again.


    Part of me is weakening to his words, and that fragile piece of me that longs for them to be true is


    aching for someone in the world to just want me. While the other part, the one he burned and broke,


    she¡¯s running for the hills and freaking out in case he tries to weave a spell over her once again.


    ¡®Why should I listen to anything you say?¡¯ I cry at him as I yank my wrist free from his hold, finding inner


    strength and resolve to keep going and hurl myself inside the open lift in front of me. Alexi moves fast


    too, grabbing the two doors so they won¡¯t start to close, and looks me right in the eye. Those haunting


    grey eyes so devoid of colour or warmth as they prate me withplete intensity and hold me


    rooted to the spot. His face consumed with the pain I am feeling all over, mirroring my agony.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    ¡®Because I¡¯m in love with you ¡­ and I will do anything to keep you.¡¯


    End of Book Two ¨C Book Three follows on.

 Chapter 139

    Chapter 139


    ¡°What?¡± Everything in me halts to some weird frozen moment, suspended in time and my manic panic


    calms instantly to surreal numbness. One questioning word jerked out of me in response to his


    statement.


    Standing in the lift facing him while he holds the doors wide, only feet apart and so close to escaping I


    can almost taste it.


    Tears stop and my body stills. I openly stare at him inplete shock. Brain stuttering on his words


    and unable to react whilst in a state of disbelief.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    I stop my noisy breakdown and hold very still, breath paused, emotion idling while I wait. The hysteria


    of a moment ago fades to this eerie silence between us as I pause for an exnation, an expansion of


    his sentence. Of a meaning to him saying the word love, to me, of all people.


    He can¡¯t love me. It makes no sense. He hates me. He hurts me, he always has.


    But he just told me he loves me, and he will do anything to keep me.


    My brain is melting. I don¡¯t know how to process any of this.


    It must be a game n. This is who he is¡ªa maniptor. Cruel sadistic devil and he doesn¡¯t love. He


    could never love me.


    He shunned my confession of the same thing not so long ago. This can¡¯t be real.


    I lean back against the lift wall heavily, to steady my suddenly lead weight of a body and jelly legs and


    give myself space to try to process some of this.


    I can¡¯t believe we havee full circle and here we are again.


    The same apartment where I poured out my soul at his feet, and he pushed me away into the cold and


    lonely solitude of a broken heart. Where I put a gun to my head and tried to ease myself of the pain he


    inflicted.


    This ce where he shunned my love. He now has the nerve to tell me he loves me. If that isn¡¯t some


    sick twist, then I don¡¯t know what is.


    I¡¯m almost afraid to breathe. It¡¯s like his words have stopped everything around us and between us and


    even time itself is hovering in some suspended alternate reality.


    Alexi looks panicked, eyes on me widening as he nces away down to his feet nervously and then


    back at me hesitantly, swallowing hard. The atmosphere filling with his own trepidation and consuming


    the air around us. I don¡¯t know how to feel but the dy seems like an eternity and the waves of his


    own emotion are upping the tension of every ticking second.


    Waiting for him to lie again and cut me down over and over. That¡¯s what this is, surely? A well-nned


    devious manoeuvre. To crush my soul again.


    It¡¯s agony. A form of torture and I wonder if this is all part of another sick move. I don¡¯t know why he


    needs to keep hurting me. I don¡¯t know what I ever did to him that was so bad he needs to destroy me


    this way.


    ¡°I said ¡­¡± He clears his throat finally, an awkwardness oveing him, and he can¡¯t seem to keep still.


    Nervous energy overtaking, moving almost in a fidgeting manner as he inhales heavily, almost willing


    himself the courage he doesn¡¯t feel.


    This is not the Alexi I know, and it only deepens the knot of somethingrge and painful, growing in the


    pit of my stomach.


    Fear maybe. Anxiety? Anger?


    It¡¯s a far cry from the self-assured maniptor I know and hate. This is a glimpse of someone entirely


    new. A side he keeps well hidden from the world and I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s even real. A side that is


    throwing me off kilter and I¡¯m suddenly faced with a stranger and a head full of doubts and chaos that¡¯s


    threatening to choke all oxygen out of my body.


    A rabbit caught in the headlights of an oing truck. Knowing I¡¯m about to be mowed down in


    another Alexi head fuck. I should run. Go. Not wait for a reply, but my feet won¡¯t move, and I hold my


    body still in anticipation. My dumb heart clinging on by one thread that maybe it isn¡¯t a lie.


    Stupid pathetic girl.


    I should know better.


    It¡¯s always a lie.


    My heart races, clinging tightly to the things in my hands for some sense of grounding to reality. Hurting


    myself with my own shoes and bag which only remind me I was running away to save my sanity. I


    shouldn¡¯t have stopped.


    But like a fool, here I am, and I just stare at him, holding my breath and waiting ¡­ endlessly waiting.


    Tick, tick, tick.


    A new kind of agony.


    ¡°I love you.¡± He says it huskily, softly, with less conviction, more haste and obvious fear.


    Three little words that steal my air with a pain so intense it feels like he has stabbed me in the chest.


    His voice is lower and raspier as though he struggled to get the words out a second time and he cannot


    look me in the eye as confidently as he did. Eyes finallying to rest on mine, and for the first time in


    all the months I have known him, Alexi looks scared and so very young. He looks like those words are


    terrifying to him and he just let out the biggest secret he has harboured deep down for a lifetime.


    It has the same effect as punching me in the throat unexpectedly and I try to shake it away, frowning at


    him while my insides bleed out and my head is filled with a foggy confusion. My whole-body prickling


    with cold shards of dizziness.


    Shell-shocked. Thrown, I have no clue how to digest these alien words from the devil¡¯s tongue. Lie or


    no lie? Believe or don¡¯t believe?


    ¡°Why are you saying that to me?¡± I reply desperately, voice strained and raw. All the stilled emotions


    coming back in force all at once, in a tidal wave, and I¡¯m so very overwhelmed with a dozen conflicting


    feelings. Trying to pull apart my tangled confusion.


    I need to figure out what sort of angle this gives him or why he is trying for this instead of letting me


    leave. If there is more to his games, and I have re-opened that door.


    I should never have had sex with him. I knew it would change everything once more. Start another


    round of his specific kind of cruelty. This is how he gets his kicks.


    ¡°Because I mean it ¡­ I just ¡­¡± He sighs through his words heavily, still acting like apletely


    different man. One who is almost shy and awkward and not him. Not Alexi Carrero by any means. It


    fuels my suspicions and rakes the burning embers deep down inside. Anger and hatred growing in the


    doubts at this contradictory show.


    That inner fire in me is battling to be dominant and she takes a grip of me steadily, firmly, giving my


    soul a massive shake, rattling my senses into high alert.


    This could be a trap of devious proportions and he could be poised and ready to rip my soul from my


    body all over again. Just for shits and giggles. Just because he enjoys destroying me over and over.


    Just because this is who he is.


    ¡°Stop it. This is lower than low. What the hell do you get out of this? Why do you need to do these


    things to me?¡± I snap at him, tears drying on my skin as a sense of self-preservation floods me instead.


    Head trying to grasp on the most obvious answer¡ªAlexi and mind games. It¡¯s all this could be.


    ¡°I¡¯m not lying. Why do you think I have spent weeks trying to show you that things are different? I knew


    you wouldn¡¯t believe me if I told you. I knew this would be the reaction if I just came out and said it. I


    needed you to have a reason to believe me first, so I had to prove it to you. I knew you would run


    otherwise, because you had no reason to trust me.¡± He moves towards me suddenly, but I recoil and


    sink slightly into my feeble position, shifting to the corner of the lift in a half-crouched foetal position.


    Still so afraid of this man¡¯s ability to maim me. He pauses, seeing my obvious fear as it envelops me,


    and holds still. Raising his palms a little to indicate he won¡¯te any closer and has to quickly grab


    the door as it starts to close again. Keeping his hands locked firmly on the sides of this box-like prison.


    Angry or not, this man still has the power to ruin me in heinous ways, and I¡¯m still trapped in hisir and


    the focus of all his attention. I¡¯m no fool. I¡¯m vulnerable and unable to hold my own against him. He


    proved that so many times in the past. He doesn¡¯t need to touch me to end me.


    ¡°Believe you? BELIEVE YOU? Why the fuck would I believe you saying this shit to me, Alexi? You


    spent months torturing me, making me feel worthless. You sent me away, you broke me into a


    thousand pieces and told me to my face I meant nothing to you. Why would I believe you suddenly did


    a U-turn and changed everything you felt about me?¡± I gasp and thrust my words at him, sounding


    more venomous than I feel inside. Pulling myself back up to standing but I still stay jammed in my little


    space to keep him far from me.


    ¡°I know, Cam ¡­ I know! My head was a mess; I had no idea how I really felt when everything was so


    fucked up and confusing, and I didn¡¯t want to trust you in any way. You fucked me up. You made it so I


    was all over the ce and I didn¡¯t know what I was doing or feeling, didn¡¯t know what I had. How could


    I admit I loved you when I didn¡¯t know what was real? I didn¡¯t trust you. I didn¡¯t know what this was


    between us.¡±


    He looks at me pointedly, voice hoarse and eyes steadfast on mine. His apprehension fading away and


    hints of that domineering arsehole peeking back through. Somehow it gives me more courage to see


    the familiar in him.


    I almost choke on his words though, pain and bitter anger rising inside of me. So much rage for what


    he just said to me. The utter bullshit in that little speech.


    ¡°It was always real. I never lied to you. I never once yed games with you. You had me even when I


    didn¡¯t want it to be so. You changed everything for me ¡­ and you ripped down all my defences until I


    was nothing. You made me love you, youplete fucking idiot, and then you destroyed me. I did


    nothing wrong. I never deserved that.¡± I wail at him, in frustration, heartbreak and despair. Angry that it


    alles down to this. That he thought I was ying him all that time. That his cruel wanker side was


    on the full offensive because he believed I was nothing more than a manipting whore out to get his


    money, his power, or maybe just his heart, so I could be his puppeteer. Just a devious gold digger


    in his eyes who came with a bad reputation for being just that.


    He has no clue how wrong he was, how deep my feelings for him ran or how for the first time in my life


    I tried to be someone else. Someone who could hold her head a little higher. I wanted to be better than


    I was.


    ¡°I know that now. I do, and I¡¯m sorry. I don¡¯t know how else to say that to you.¡± Alexi seemspletely


    submissive once more, backing down at my spew of pain. Shell-shocked in his posture and just not his


    usual confident sadistic self. Every part of him is almost screaming at me that this is not an act.


    My head and heart are torn at whether I should believe this.


    I don¡¯t know this man in front of me right now, and my head is swimming and reeling and knocking


    everything out of whack. I¡¯m just engulfed with so much hostile energy as it brims up inside of me,


    needing a release. I can¡¯t trust him. Anytime I do he flips me upside down and crushes my soul and I


    shouldn¡¯t believe him.


    Maybe because of the climactic emotional breakdown followed by an overly majestic orgasm at this


    man¡¯s hands ¡­ I¡¯m now suffering a pent-up release of everything all at once and it¡¯s manifesting in


    sheer rage. Bubbling up like an explosive volcano and I have so much desire to smack him around his


    stupid head with my shoes.


    Alexi silently stares at me as though he has no clue how else to be, or maybe this is part of his game.


    His n.


    Fuck knows what this even is anymore. I don¡¯t know.


    My internal fear and chaos erupt beautifully, unable to hold it in. All the memories and thoughts,


    conflicting and confusing facts. I push off from my corner, stand tall ande at him with all the fire


    and fight that dragged me out of those dirty London streets so long ago.


    ¡°You¡¯re a liar ¡­ you are a fucking liar. I was there. I remember all of it. You don¡¯t do that to someone


    you love. You don¡¯t treat people the way you treated me and then tell them it¡¯s because you loved


    them. You don¡¯t fuckinge back from all of that with a little sorry.¡± I¡¯m seething and spitting teeth,


    unable to conceal my fury anymore. Hating that his excuses are to justify what he did to me.


    Nothing justifies what he did. He can never understand the depth of what he put me through. There¡¯s a


    permanent ck hole in my soul that is devil shaped and nothing in the world can fix that.


    It¡¯s better to be angry at him because rage stops the weakness in me from believing his sweet little


    words and love confession. It stops me being a dumb hopeful and falling for his bullshit all over again. It


    stops me hoping that I can ever mean something to anyone and being stupid enough to get sucked in.


    ¡°I can exin.¡± He starts but I don¡¯t let him finish. That inner psycho gaining strength. So not doing this


    shit with him again.


    ¡°EXPLAIN!! EXPLAIN WHAT?? That you are a twisted sadist who screwed me over in every way he


    could and now tries to pull this shit on me? That I¡¯m supposed to believe you now, because for some


    reason, you decided to stop ying with my emotions? Am I supposed to swoon at your feet and forget


    it all because ¡­ Oh, my Lord ¡­ the sadistic prick actually loves me?¡± I spit it at him, tears clouding my


    vision from the sheer force of everythinging out. Voice breaking but I don¡¯t care. He has me


    stripped naked and raw in all my painful glory and now he can suffer the consequences of that.


    It¡¯s nothing but a game. I repeat this to myself like a mantra and try to block out the way his soulless


    eyes are devouring me.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that. It was ¡­plicated.¡± Alexi looks around him ufortably, uneasy at hisck of


    control of the oues, but I don¡¯t care. I want him to feel awkward and uneasy. He has no clue what


    it¡¯s like to not be the man moving the chess pieces. The one in control. It¡¯s nothingpared to how he


    made me feel for months of my life.


    I want him to feel overwhelmed and out of his depth. If I could wound him the way he has wounded me


    in the past I would, but I know I don¡¯t have it in me.


    I¡¯m not the girl I used to be. He changed that. I can¡¯t be the cold bitch I once was, even if he deserves


    it.


    ¡°You¡¯re a prick. A fucking arsehole of epic proportions. A sadistic wanker who deserves me to kick him


    in the balls and then some!¡± I yell at him, stabbing at the lift button with my heel in my hand in a bid to


    get away from this and him. I know it¡¯s pointless, he still has his hands holding the doors open wide so I


    can¡¯t go anywhere, and it angers me even more. Keeping me here against my will. Erupting at him with


    sheer frustration.


    ¡°Let them go!¡± I snap at him, swinging my shoe at one of his hands to dislodge him, but he stands his


    ground and prates me with those pale greys as though trying to climb inside my head. His


    demeanour returning to calm, cool, deadpan as he thwarts my escape. Alexi is steeling himself and


    closing down, I guess he knows a fight ising, and maybe I prefer that to this other version of him.


    There are wet rivers on my cheeks from tears that have again started falling, and I suddenly feel


    completely pathetic. That he so easily destroys me, even when I¡¯m fighting him tooth and nail. He


    destroyed Cami Walters and turned her into an emotional wreck with no ability to hold her shit


    together anymore.


    ¡°I¡¯m not letting you walk out of my life again.¡± He grits his teeth, pushing out his words in a more sinister


    way than is appropriate for love confessions, and I re at him. Seeing only the monster in his midst.


    Knowing that even with sweet words in his mouth, he has an ability to wreak havoc on my world.


    ¡°I¡¯m not your prisoner and I am not listening to this emotional bullshit. I know what you are doing, and it


    won¡¯t work this time. I won¡¯t let you fuck me up any more than you have done, and I won¡¯t stick around


    to be your ything once again. If you think this will shackle me to your bed, you are sooo wrong.


    SO FUCKING WRONG!¡± I swing again and this time Alexi dodges my shoe by lifting his hand and hold


    the door higher, so it won¡¯t slide even an inch.


    It just triggers my psychotic side.


    ¡°This isn¡¯t like that, I¡¯m being honest. Nothing else. I¡¯m not trying to hurt you or y games with you. I


    want you here because you want to be, not because I can keep you here.¡± Alexi dodges another jab at


    his hand, one more carefully and venomously aimed, for maximum stabbing and he finally let¡¯s go of


    the one doorpletely, still wedging them open, nheless. Hisrge body against one side so they


    won¡¯t close. My efforts are so futile it¡¯s just fuelling my fire.


    ¡°Well then, let them fucking go because I want to leave. I don¡¯t want anything to do with you ever


    again.¡± I screech at him and this time hurl my shoe impulsively at his head inplete desperation. He


    ducks fast, like a bloody panther with those demonic reflexes of his, so it flies over the top of him. He


    spins his head to look at where it went before snapping back to me. Furious frowns across that


    normally pretty face,ing back to throw shade at me.


    ¡°Really?¡± It¡¯s that sarcastic, disapproving wanker tone of his I hate, and I forget everything else and aim


    better this time. I have another shoe and that face deserves a heel embedded in the centre of it.


    Won¡¯t be so fucking pretty if he is sporting a stiletto nose job, will he?


    All sense and maturity die a sudden death. The second shoe flies at his face and he has to be lightning


    fast to get out of the way, finally releasing the doors when trying to save himself from my missile to his


    head.


    ¡°Yes, really!¡± I yell after him, throwing my bag too, aiming for the back of his skull with a kill shot for


    good measure, as the idiot is too good at dodging my throws. Now he has me furious and logic is


    winging past his face with my handbag. I want to physically hurt the tosser.


    I¡¯m so enraged that he thinks he can do this whenever he wants, without consequence. As though he


    owns my heart, body and soul, and I am nothing more than a pawn in Alexi¡¯s game of chess. I hate that


    he thinks he has a right to pull me around this way and doesn¡¯t give a shit what it does to me.


    ¡°For fuck¡¯s sake, Cam!¡± Alexi bolts to the side as my bag flies beautifully past his left cheek, almost


    grazing him, but sadly not. I sigh loudly at how annoyed that makes me, smug though that he has had


    to pull back and the doors begin to slide shut while he gets out of harm¡¯s way. Finally set loose and the


    lift can get me the fuck out of here.


    They are closing too fast for him to get back to them in time, and as I watch the space condense to an


    almost closed wall of steel, I suddenly realise I threw my much-needed attire into his fucking apartment,


    like an idiot. Shoes and bag containing money, bank cards, ID, passport and anything else a fleeing girl


    would need to start a new life.


    I can hardly run around New York in nothing but a sheer dress, and I don¡¯t even have any underwear


    on.


    Jesus Fucking Christ!


    Groaning inwardly, I stare at my bare feet and skimpy dress and realise I¡¯m not going anywhere unless


    I want to sample New York living in practically no clothes when snow is moving in. I¡¯m not brave


    enough to walk around in the club barefoot, let alone the streets. This was such a dumb move on my


    part.


    I just had to throw my shit at him, didn¡¯t I? Good move, Cami, fucking epic.


    ¡°Arghh,¡± I growl out, pissed at myself, mming a hand between the doors as they almost shut on me,


    leaving just an inch, and push them apart with a little more vavoom than is necessary. Seething


    inwardly that I have foiled my own escape by impulsive throwing. I don¡¯t hesitate and pull myself as tall


    as I can, jutting my chin out and pulling out my stubborn side.


    Wanker can fuck right off; I¡¯m only getting my things and walking back in here.


    I march right past him and his bewildered look, towards my bloody bag, intent on grabbing what I need


    and leaving him for good. If I¡¯m nning on hightailing it into the night, shoes are a must ¡­ a bag with


    money is a second. Maybe even a jacket or a bra now that I¡¯m no longer hurtling out so he doesn¡¯t see


    me go. I can pack properly and throw him a big ¡®fuck you¡¯ as I saunter out.


    He can¡¯t keep me here, and I may as well grab some heavy objects to throw at him on my departure,


    you know, to ensure he won¡¯t block the lift doors again. Maybe that massive, heavy stone vase thing


    outside my bedroom door. Certain that might actually knock him out.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look so pleased ¡­ I needed that and I¡¯m onlying in to get them.¡± I snap at him as I stalk


    past, head up and not caring one bit that my boobs are bouncing around unsupported in a very loose


    dress. I never dressed for a great escape, and as I storm in, I think I might need a rethink on my


    running attire. Possibly a suitcase on wheels to yank behind me. Maybe trousers and some ts. It¡¯s


    cold out there after all.


    As I stoop to pick up my scuffed Louis Vuitton bag, it dawns on me that I¡¯m not quaking in my boots


    anymore. I¡¯m upset, I¡¯m seething, furious, but my fear has dissipated. The inner terror that he would


    morph into some demon and chain me to his bed haspletely evaporated around me. I guess him


    trying at round two of fucking with my head does that; pulls my self-preservation back into the forefront.


    It¡¯s a weird feeling, to suddenly stop trembling and realise I still have a hell of a lot of fight left in me yet.


    Cami isn¡¯t dead. Not really.


    As I turn, I catch Alexi standing idly inside the apartment behind me, watching me with that deadpan


    expression, and I realise there has been an almighty shift in him. No intimidating me with scowls and


    deathly stances. Noing at me, restraining me or manoeuvring me to bend to his will. Instead, he is


    casually standing, waiting to see how I¡¯ll proceed, almost unsure about what else he should do. It¡¯s


    obvious enough that I take note.

 Chapter 140

    Chapter 140


    Suspicious of this behaviour, I keep one eye on him as I look around for my discarded items, but he


    stays put and watches me in that silent predator way of his. Seeming more like the man of thest few


    months than the sadist of pre-shooting myself in the face days.


    I know it¡¯s been there all along and I was oblivious to how far it went. The little niggles that something


    had changed were all dismissed, and now looking at him silently observing me, I can see the


    uncertainty in his demeanour is very real.


    If he isn¡¯t lying, if he means what he says, it exins a lot from the past few weeks¡ªabout the change


    in him. I just don¡¯t understand why though.


    Nothing happened that made him suddenly grow feelings for me. I left, he found me; we carried on.


    Nothing at all to sway how he saw me.


    ¡°I¡¯m not good at this.¡± He blurts it out in an almost painful rush of words as I nce at him again. That


    broad set of shoulders on that powerfullyrge body sagging slightly, the drop of his chin as he looks at


    the floor hesitantly again. He seems so much tamer than how he normally is.


    ¡°Good at what? Losing games? I¡¯m not ying so there¡¯s no win or lose about it.¡± I nch at him


    sarcastically, pushing my thoughts aside as nonsense and go in search of one of my shoes, bewildered


    that it¡¯s vanished from sight and venture further into the apartment to find it. I didn¡¯t think I threw it this


    far. Then again, I threw with venom and probably much harder than I realised. It¡¯s not lost on me that


    I¡¯m fast regaining myposure and feeling a little light-headed and not quite here. I guess it¡¯s the


    adrenaline wearing off, and I¡¯m beginning to calm down.


    ¡°Feelings ¡­ talking about this shit.¡± He follows me, gaining distance fast and a little too close to where I


    am, sounding exasperated with me. He hems me in with his looming presence, a little too close in my


    danger zone behind me and I spin on him. Still prickly enough to react when threatened by his


    closeness.


    ¡°That¡¯s not what this is. It¡¯s you annoyed because you can no longer manipte me. And stoping


    so close to me from behind, you know I can¡¯t stand it!¡± I throw a raised eyebrow and ¡®fuck you¡¯ look at


    him and turn back to head off, but he catches my hand in his and pulls me back sharply. That warm


    searing touch of his skin on mine a little too familiar, and it triggers my fear response.


    ¡°Don¡¯t fucking touch me!¡± I yelp in reaction and p his hand away. Hating myself that his skin on mine


    stirs so many unwanted feelings and hopes. Too familiar, too inviting. I bloody hate that amid all this my


    body yearns for him the second heys a finger on me. He¡¯s the devil incarnate with his stupid charms


    and devious spells.


    ¡°Then stop being a pig-headed, stubborn diva and listen to what I¡¯m fucking telling you, woman!¡± He


    barks right back with the infamous Alexi temper. Still in there after all. I literally gawp at the angry,


    definitely Alexi Carrero devil tone that just threw those words in my face. It¡¯s almostughable.


    ¡°Charming. Haven¡¯tpletely changed then have you?¡± I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at


    him with a shake of the head. Simmering with a temper on the verge of breaking loose once again.


    ¡°From love to whatever that was.¡± I point out tantly, waving a finger at his face, nodding my head as


    though to point out his tone.


    Alexi looks like he might actually strangle me. There is no other way to describe his erratic expression


    and heavy exhale.


    ¡°Frustration! Because you are one of the hardest women tomunicate with, I have ever met.


    Cami, I ¡­ Love ¡­ You. No games, no motives, no fucking anything. No maniption, or


    underhanded ulterior motives. I love you. And that¡¯s it. Now stop storming around and listen to me.


    Believe me when I say I want you in my life. Not for money, nor sex, nor this club, but because I want


    you and I want to be with you!¡±


    It¡¯s semi-yelled at me in a harsh tone that is more befitting of him telling off one of his minions than any


    remorseful sweet nothing, but in that, I can tell it¡¯s not a practised y or a mouthful of horse shit. He


    isn¡¯t acting. He¡¯s pissed that his confessions are being treated as lies, and he is trying like crazy to


    keep his cool while that hot Italian temper kicks off.


    This is probably the most honest response I have seen in him yet. One I actually believe in.


    Maybe.


    I don¡¯t know how that makes me feel. Faced with what might be the truth.


    My head and heart are in chaos, and I¡¯m so consumed with anger and pain right now as a flood of


    conflicting thoughts and feelings fight with one another. When ites to this man, it¡¯s no wonder I¡¯m


    in a hell of a mess. Nothing with him is straightforward or ever has been. Staring at his face in a


    suspended sort of mood. Unsure what to say to that. I sigh and let my mouth run loose. It¡¯s always


    been its biggest w.


    ¡°You had me. I stood right there ¡­ and you let me believe I was nothing.¡± I croak as tears return at my


    words, raking up memories I should leave in the past where they belong. I point to the nk part of the


    wall by the kitchen, with a backwards nce over my shoulder, to where I stood on that drunken fateful


    night. The wall marked with a tiny little indent to where my skull met it and shudder at seeing it, even


    though I have passed it for weeks on end without a second thought.


    He really is under my skin tonight.


    The night I held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I wanted to die because of this man, this one


    right here, trying to y off all of that as nothing because he now wants what I offered him back then.


    My heart lets loose, pent-up tears and wracking agony as the memory of his rejection and my failed


    attempt to end it all floods through me, sobbing returning with a vengeance as it hits home that he isn¡¯t


    lying. Alexi is telling the truth.


    I just can¡¯t forgive what he did to me to get to this point.


    He cares about me.


    Why couldn¡¯t he have cared before he destroyed me?


    ¡°I know.¡± He at least sounds remorseful, eyes on mine and voice low. Once again losing all that


    hostility, guilt seeping through so that even I can recognise it, as weird as it is to see in his expression.


    Sombre expression, a slight frown over soft eyes that are stormy and dark in colour for a change.


    It¡¯s there, on show and seems very real. Alexi has regrets. The king of cruel has a conscience after all,


    but all it does is twist the knife deeper in my already bleeding heart.


    This all just is too sad for words.


    ¡°I told you ¡­ I said those three little words to you.¡± I can barely get my voice out coherently amid the


    gulping tears and emotional blubbering that are pulling me apart so quickly. The hopelessness of all of


    this when so much hurt hase first.


    It all feels so empty. After all this, to finally see something genuine from him, when we are at a ce


    where I will never be able to forgive him.


    ¡°I know.¡± Alexi no longer looks controlled or cocky. He looks hurt, sorrowful and intent on gazing into my


    tear-filled eyes. A softness to him I have seen in short moments these past few weeks and only now


    realise maybe they were real.


    ¡°Why now ¡­ after all that? Why, when I¡¯m too afraid to let you close, do you decide I¡¯m worthy of


    something more?¡± It¡¯s desperation for answers and a broken heart torn in two. The despair of a


    confessioning toote.


    You can¡¯t fix our kind of tragedy, even for love.


    Alexi steps towards me and I step back. A clear signal I don¡¯t want him near me, and he relents.


    Stopping himself and moves away instead, to give me space, the flicker of pain evident as his eyes dip


    to avoid me for a second.


    A show of real emotion. Who knew he was capable of such things? Capable of showing me he is


    human after all.


    It just makes the ache grow, spreading from my stomach out to every limb and even my face trembles


    with the agony I¡¯m feeling.


    ¡°You were always worthy. I just screwed everything up. I was scared, I was torn, I was lost in my own


    mistrust of you. Blinded by what I believed. I was protecting myself.¡±


    He sounds how I feel. Like he knows that this is pointless, and the past is more than can be ovee.


    ¡°So, what changed?¡± My voice cracks, face wet with my sadness, and I curl my arms around myself


    and try to give selffort from the internal pangs running through me. wing for answers to the


    mountain of doubts and questions within me.


    ¡°You tried to hurt yourself because of me. And then I almost killed you in desperation to stop you. That


    night changed everything. You can¡¯t keep lying to yourself when your heart is lying in a hospital bed


    after you almost lost her.¡±


    I never knew a sentence could rip my heart to shreds, but that one does. Choking me with a lump in my


    throat so I have to swallow hard and breathe through another sob. His voice wracked with strained


    emotion.


    Alexi reaches one hand towards me impulsively then retracts and shoves them both in his pockets as


    though he assumes it will make him less likely to invade my space. He shuffles on his feet


    ufortably, looking ashen and pale for his normally tanned self, and I start to go numb as my body


    takes over to shield me from hurt. Tears rolling down my face but all that goes with them dulls. I¡¯m just


    so exhausted.


    ¡°If that¡¯s true then why did you leave me there, alone? Why did you tell me to go then try to pay me to


    leave you alone? Why didn¡¯t youe for me, or tell me then?¡± My head is scrambling back in time, for


    the questions that gued me for those months. The number of times I told myself he never cared


    about me. He owes me answers. Months of loneliness and scraping by to survive, when he could have


    ended it all before it began.


    ¡°I never left you there alone. I was beside you until I knew you would be okay. Then I did what I thought


    was best, to protect you. Get you the hell away from me so I could never hurt you again or push you to


    hurt yourself. I didn¡¯t know what else to do to make sure you wouldn¡¯t try a second attempt after


    recovery. I never wanted you to die, or get hurt like that, and I wasn¡¯t sure you wouldn¡¯t do it again if I


    didn¡¯t let you go.¡± Alexi''s voice softens hugely, as do his eyes on me, and the anger that was firing


    between us simmers to something gentler. He moves closer slightly, pulling his hands out and I stand


    my ground eyeing him warily. The tension has evaporated, and I¡¯m too tired to keep fighting him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t remember you there. I don¡¯t believe you.¡± Another tear trickles down my face, words uttered


    softly and this time he reaches out and brushes it away. His touch, so unwanted yet so longed for


    makes me flinch at his caress, but I still don¡¯t move away. Rooted to the spot as my heart aches for


    answers from him, stopping myself from closing my eyes to savour the gentle way he wipes my tears.


    For so long I wanted him to feel something for me. So many nights I cried myself to sleep because I


    believed I was nothing to him.


    Yet with one simple caress, a lot of little moments surface to give me a new perspective on recent


    times with him. A reminder of the man who consoled me after Feral died. Miami, before he beat


    someone half to death.


    He was in there, but I failed to see it until now.


    The knee-jerk reaction I had to his uttering of those words is simmering as my confuddled mind tries to


    piece these things together. My emotions already waning from fatigue as though I just cannot take any


    more for one night. Confusion taking over, and I¡¯mbatting my own feelings and thoughts.


    ¡°I held your hand, I stood by your bed and watched you sleep. I told you a million times I would never


    let anything happen to you. Even if that meant letting you go. I mean it¡ªI will never let anything happen


    to you. I promised I would always protect you. I told you I was sorry, and I meant it, Cam. If I could take


    it all back, I would.¡±


    His gently uttered words send tingles down my spine. His voice soft and low as he stands only inches


    from me, bodies apart and mirroring poses. The only touch between us is his hand lingering on my


    cheek and the way his breath fans my forehead and nose from his taller height. The intensity of this


    moment has me trawling through my memory banks.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    A flicker of him standing in his office when he said those words before, kindle in my mind. An intimate


    moment just like this, a tiny pang of d¨¦j¨¤ vu and how familiar they seemed even though I couldn¡¯t put


    my finger on it at the time. My memories jumbled and foggy from that night, and yet I hear his voice and


    those words as I struggled in the darkness. As clear as day, they run through my nk head as though


    confirming the truth. I hear them as though he is uttering them in my ear all over again.


    ¡®I will never let anything happen to you.¡¯


    In the office when he tried to give me a gun, and in that hospital when I awoke to darkness and voices.


    I thought it was Mico. The stranger in the shadows who calmed me and told me they were there. That


    strange power they held over my racing mind and drew me to a quiet, peaceful ce so I slipped back


    into slumber.


    It was Alexi in the hospital beside me that night, both were there, but he was the one whoid his


    hands on mine and soothed me. There were two shadows, and the one who calmed me, as he is doing


    now, with a gentle trailing touch of fingers down my cheek ignites the memory fully.


    Alexi was by my side when he thought I might die. It was him who asked if I knew he was there. I can


    remember it all now. My head bursting with new information which adds to the confusion of my heart.


    It¡¯s funny how seeing things from a new angle can alter everything you knew before.


    He was there with me. He took me to get help. He stayed by my side and held my hand.


    My heart almost breaks all over again at the thought of after what I did, he took care of me and


    watched over me while in my hazy state of a concussion, I was dying from a wounded heart. If I had


    known it was him, maybe I wouldn¡¯t have run. Maybe I would have given him a chance to fix things.


    Maybe I wouldn¡¯t have continued to cry myself to sleep over him for months after. Maybe I wouldn¡¯t


    have let the hate grow and fester.


    ¡°I gave Mico the money to ensure you started somewhere else, where I couldn¡¯t hurt you anymore. I


    wanted you safe and alive, even if that was nowhere near me. I knew I hadpletely destroyed any


    hope of taking it all back.¡± Alexi leans a tiny inch nearer so I can feel his words on my skin, his breath


    tingling across my face more so than before. I stare nkly at his chest to focus and stop myself from


    falling apart.


    ¡°You left me there though. You still walked away, and I woke up without you.¡± I utter softly. Clinging to a


    reason to still deny him.


    ¡°I did. I left Mico to watch over you where I knew I wasn¡¯t wee. I went and got so drunk I lost a


    week of my life before he came looking for me and kicked my ass back in touch. I was a mess, Cam. I


    couldn¡¯t handle anything anymore, and all I did was drink myself into oblivion so I wouldn¡¯t keep seeing


    you inside my head. By the time he sobered me up they had discharged you and it was toote.¡± Alexi


    steps in so much closer, bodies a hair width apart so we are breathing the same air, and I can feel his


    heat radiating through me. We are almost physically touching. His hand drops from my cheek and we


    both stand there, millimetres apart, so close yet so far.


    I look up into those normally windowless eyes and see the pain reflected in mine. A dark stormy grey


    sky over a turbulent sea. Alexi so focused on me that the grey has deepened in multiple shades, and


    his pupils seem huge in the dim light. Goosebumps cover my body in a direct reaction to his proximity,


    and I¡¯m almost breathless with the intensity of this moment.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t youe after me if that¡¯s true?¡±


    I want to believe him so badly. I want that yearning part of my soul to finally havepletion, but I can¡¯t


    just ept what he says. He has contradicted everything he once told me. People don¡¯t change and I


    can¡¯t forget what he did.


    ¡°I did. I swear. After battling my brain in a million different ways, but you¡¯d already gone. You¡¯re not an


    easy woman to find when you decide to disappear, and nothing and no one could locate you for dust. I


    promise, I looked, baby, everywhere. I couldn¡¯t find you. I didn¡¯t stop looking for you in all those months.


    I made myself insane with it.¡±


    I don¡¯t know what to say, my skin tingling all over from what he is saying. I¡¯m so torn apart inside with


    confusion and fear. Afraid to let his words sink in, afraid to believe in anything.


    I disappeared, and he really looked for me? It wasn¡¯t a lie.


    I don¡¯t know anymore. My head is so muggy and drained, and my brain is struggling to keep


    processing. I feel like I¡¯m in an alternate universe, one where Alexi Carrero has a heart and the ability


    to give a shit. I feel dizzy with all of this.


    ¡°Why are you telling me all this now? You¡¯ve had months of me being here to say something. Why not


    then? Why not in Miami, why not in the restaurant, or after Feral died? You had so many opportunities.¡±


    I shake my head at him, still gripping myself tightly as a way of shielding my heart. Looking for the ws


    in his words. Trying to stop myself from weakening and dissect it all. Trying to stay strong and deny


    him.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know how. After everything, I knew it wasn¡¯t a simple case of admitting it. I knew I had pushed


    you so far away that I had zero chance, and I¡¯m not exactly the best person at talking things out. I had


    to show you first I was not the same, and I was looking for that ounce of hope you still cared about me.¡±


    There¡¯s a hint of a smile pointing out that my reaction to thinking he was dead was the hope he had


    been waiting for. I threw myself at him, distraught, and then had sex with him.


    What other sign did he need?


    It was obvious from that I cared, and he swooped in and took his shot¡ªsex.


    My smile drops as cold terror run through my veins with that single thought, and I step away from him


    unsurely. Fear clinging as my brain connects with what I already learned in the past¡ªsex gives him


    power over me. Sex is the catalyst to games and pain and breaking me to pieces.


    The inner me is so desperate to protect myself from the wounds he can inflict that she is backing up at


    a hundred miles an hour. Knowing that sleeping with him gave him back the knowledge that I still love


    him. He had enough belief to admit he cared, but he knows he has power over me once again.


    ¡°I don¡¯t trust you,¡± I whisper as though ashamed to say it out loud, and he sighs heavily.


    ¡°I know you don¡¯t.¡±


    We both stand and look at each other for a long moment and he again reaches out to me, this time to


    brush a strand of my hair from my face, and my body explodes in tiny shivers and trembles at his


    touch. I¡¯m falling to pieces and should get away from him. I need time to think and let this all sink in at a


    distance. He¡¯s too potent when he¡¯s close. He makes it hard to see things clearly and all this could just


    be another maniption.


    ¡°That¡¯s my problem to fix.¡± He utters it as softly as my words hade out. An eerie strangeness


    surrounding us as all of this sinks in, and I face an undeniable fact ¡­ we both know that each of us


    cares. Yet the ground between us is so broken and marred with the aftermath of our war that I don¡¯t


    know what to do now. It¡¯s hard to believe in someone who was once Satan in your world and took


    pleasure in seeing you crumble.


    I have so many questions, so many things I want him to tell me, to answer, to clear up my confusion


    and doubts, but all I do is stand and stare at him helplessly.


    Silence grows noticeably before he finally clears his throat.


    ¡°So ¡­ are you still leaving me?¡± Alexi cuts to the point and I sigh heavily. His question is so simple yet


    so loaded and my head is a screwed-up mess. A simple question with no simple answer.


    ¡°I was never with you to leave you.¡± I point out dryly, lightening the heavy mood and thinning out the air


    a little. It breaks the tension, getting an Alexi frown and he gently prods my cheek affectionately. This


    strange new vibe between us has me all out of whack.


    ¡°You know what I mean.¡± He smiles at me softly. Not a full-blown charm your pants off but an honest,


    slightly amused look. Resembling the one he gave me so very long ago in Luciano¡¯s office when I first


    figured he found me entertaining at the very least.


    That seems like a lifetime ago now.


    This weird heavy atmosphere between us is like a fog nket covering us up and making the air thick.


    ¡°My head¡¯s a mess, I don¡¯t know how to feel or what to think. This was not exactly something I foresaw,


    and now I don¡¯t know what it is you want from me.¡± My voice is shaky and weak, my body trembling


    with nerves, and I feel like I¡¯m standing on a cliff about to leap off.


    So much danger. So much uncertainty.

 Chapter 141

    Chapter 141


    ¡°I want you. That¡¯s all there is to it. I want to show you that you don¡¯t have to fear me and maybe prove


    you can trust me.¡± Alexi gets straight to the point, lifting my hand into his and slides his fingers between


    mine to hold me tenderly. I stare at our entwined digits, feeling his heat flow into my cold, smaller one


    and gaze at it, disconnected. The space around me is surreal as though I¡¯m dreaming. I should lie


    down. I¡¯m verging on passing out at this rate.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know what love was, what was staring me in the face. I haven¡¯t exactly had anything to


    compare it to.¡± Alexi sounds incredibly young once more, flitting between his normal cocky self and


    these glimpses of an unsure teen that are throwing me off. This is a side I doubt anyone ever sees in


    him and yet it''s softening me to him a little.


    Warning signs and neon shing lights in my brain are telling me to proceed with caution. Half my


    senses are saying ¡®DANGER, DANGER¡¯ and the other half is being pulled into warmth and hope and a


    lot of maybes.


    Aware that I¡¯m weakening, I slide my hand away quickly to pull myself together. I¡¯m not that feeble or


    stupid.


    I move away and walk to the couch and slump down to get some breathing space, body just giving in


    from holding itself up, sinking my head between my palms and elbows on my knees as I exhale heavily.


    So many emotions flooding me and I¡¯m exhausted. It¡¯s the middle of the night, probably nearer morning


    and I¡¯ve had an emotional few hours. This all feels surreal and crazy and I don¡¯t think I have it in me to


    deal with touching and hand holding. I don¡¯t have the strength to withstand him. He¡¯s too good at


    coercing and controlling oues and I won¡¯t be drawn in.


    Alexi follows me and sits down too. Not close enough to make me feel crowded but not far either. He


    leans forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging down between them as he watches me.


    ¡°Say something ¡­ anything.¡± He urges me a little desperately and I turn and look at him for a second.


    Amused by the desperate tone but wrecked by all of this.


    ¡°Something,¡± I mutter weirdly, unsure what else to say and then giggle at my stupidity. I feel like I have


    stepped out of my body and am floating out in space, just dreaming.


    ¡°Funny.¡± Alexi smiles and then throws himself back against the cushions in agitation, exhaling much


    like I did. Both so frustrated with this odd, strained mood between us. This huge precipice I¡¯m standing


    on the edge of.


    Who knew love confessions could go so badly?


    ¡°I¡¯m still here.¡± I point out, as though I need to. I guess it¡¯s my way of saying I¡¯m thinking and maybe


    believe him a little bit. I don¡¯t even know. I feel like part of me wants to try and reassure him or


    something. I¡¯m not even sure why. My feet would not head to the door even if I tried. I¡¯m wiped out and


    practically ceasing to function.


    ¡°Yes, you are. For how long though, is what I really want to know.¡± Alexi nudges me lightly; his hand


    touching briefly against my arm and sets his gaze intently on me from his more casual position. He


    seems more rxed that I haven¡¯t run out the door. I guess sitting down is a clue I¡¯m not about to leg it.


    Although I am still thinking about it.


    ¡°How long is a piece of string? I can¡¯t give you an answer that I don¡¯t have.¡±


    I really wish I could say, ¡®yes, I want you too¡¯; the truth is I¡¯m scared shitless of letting this man ever get


    that close to me again. He has the power to do so much damage on so many levels and giving him the


    knowledge that he can, is suicide. I have to protect myself.


    ¡°I just need a chance to prove to you I won¡¯t hurt you again. To be what you need me to be, however


    long that takes.¡± He sounds sincere anyway, looks serious. My brain is egging me on to take it at face


    value.


    ¡°How do I do that?¡± I blink at him, stupefied that it¡¯s even possible.


    ¡°Stay. Spend time with me. Give me the chance to turn this around, make this into something more.


    Just give me time and opportunity¡ªthe rest is on me.¡±


    It¡¯s not an unreasonable request, I suppose. Well, not for any normal human, but this is him and me


    and our past.


    ¡°And if I can¡¯t? What then?¡±


    ¡°Then I will do what I promised to do. Bow out of this club and leave you to it. There are no strings


    attached. You still own half this club, and this apartment is yours. Everything we agreed, in the


    beginning, stays the same. I exit left so you don¡¯t have to deal with me anymore.¡±


    I stare at him for the longest minute, a lump in my throat and stomach forming, and my fuzzy head still


    going around in circles. One thing keepsing to the forefront over and over.


    ¡°Do you trust me?¡±


    He never used to, everything he said and did was because he didn¡¯t. So, I don¡¯t understand why he


    changed in my absence. It¡¯s an important question.


    ¡°Completely.¡± He says it with heartfelt conviction, no hesitation or thought and a look on his face that


    swears truth. Eyes unflinching and focused on mine, an expression that hides nothing, not even


    adoration and I shake my head at him, confounded by it. How he could just change his opinion so


    dramatically. The way he is looking at me right now, as though I¡¯m the most perfect being on the,


    and I just can¡¯t have faith in it.


    ¡°Why? You didn¡¯t before.¡± Not even a tiny ounce of trust in me did he once harbour. If his exnation is


    true, then mistrust was the root of all the evil he did to me. What changed that? And when?


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know you the way I do now. I was ignorant of a lot of factors. A lot of truths. I needed to open


    my eyes and see beyond the mask you wear. I had to take the blinkers off and really see you. Stop


    doubting what was staring me in the face and give you a chance.¡± Pain in his words, a knife in my heart


    that he could never possibly really know me. Not with all the cobwebs and skeletons in my closet. He


    has no concept to how far my ck hole of misdemeanours extends. I knew this was too good to be


    true.


    ¡°And how exactly did you do that?¡± No one in the world knows all my secrets and scars, only me. No


    one could love me if they did.


    I need to know though, so maybe I can do it too. Learn to harvest this thing called trust from a


    surprising source. Right now, he is still as much of an enigma to me as he has always been. And try as


    I might to have faith in what he is saying, I can¡¯t. He has wounded me so deeply and now nothing but


    extreme fear blocks my way.


    Alexi looks pensive for a second, then shifts in a way that suggests he is getting worried about my


    reaction. His whole manner changes, a little stiff and guarded and he moves to a more upright position.


    An air of tension oveing him that leaches to me and hikes my nerves up again.


    ¡°There¡¯s something I should have told you weeks ago. I just didn¡¯t know how to, or how you would


    react.¡± He nces at me and away again, eyes flickering quickly, guilt all over that normally nk


    expression and my nerves are piqued to epic levels once more. I¡¯m an emotional wreck and there is no


    getting around this.


    ¡°What? Just spit it out, rip the band-aid off.¡±


    It can¡¯t be any more mind-blowing than telling me he¡¯s in love with me. I think now is a good time for


    confessions because I literally cannot react any worse than I have done so far. Load it on, bring it all


    out. May as well when I¡¯m saturated to death with all of it.


    How bad can it be?


    ¡°I need to show you.¡± Alexi gets up quickly, eyes still avoiding me, and walks off toward his room


    leaving me to sit here like a confused idiot. Watching the direction he went in and straining to listen to


    sounds as he disappears. I expect to hear a drawer open or something simr, but it sounds like he¡¯s


    punching in the digits on his safe keypad instead. Whatever he wants to show me he keeps in his


    bedroom safe.


    Now I¡¯m worried.


    He doesn¡¯t use that thing like an extra cupboard; he uses it as its purpose intends. To store things you


    wouldn¡¯t want others getting hold of.


    I wonder if it¡¯s something sinister or creepy; I mean he is the master at shocking me to the core with the


    lengths he goes to with his devil side. I¡¯m not sure what I¡¯m expecting but my gut says it¡¯s not good at


    all.


    I fidget, fingers itching, so I pull a cushion into myp to focus my nervousness. I blow out some air to


    try to expel the tension and tap my foot absentmindedly, so wrought and tied up with angst.


    Alexi reappears quietly, startling me, carrying what looks like a ck shoebox only a little squarer, and


    comes around toy it on the coffee table in front of me. He slides it towards me, a heavy-looking


    offering, and stays standing, towering over me and looking a lot like a little boy in a lot of trouble.


    My stomach turns over, skin prickling once more, and I just blink at it. I nce from him to the box,


    lungs struggling to function as anxiety sits on my chest like a baby elephant and I sit back nervously,


    steeped in mistrust.


    ¡°This better not be a severed head or something weird ¡­ like a hand.¡± I blurt out stupidly, nerves


    frayed, imaging some oozing past enemy or maybe Tyler, dismembered and bloated as some weird


    mob boss love token and Alexi just frowns at me so hard his eyebrows almost touch his nose.


    ¡°What?¡± It¡¯s all he says and with such disbelief, I try to smile and shrug like I was joking but still lean in


    tentatively and prod the box warily with my foot in case it¡¯s about to implode on me. I¡¯m sure body fluids


    would be seeping out of what looks like cardboard, so maybe whatever it is dry¡­like a shrunken head


    or a jar of body parts.


    ¡°I swear to God, it¡¯s not a human limb. I think you need to steer clear of watching gangster movies,


    London.¡± Alexi sighs, and flips the lid off for me rather dramatically, causing me to panic gasp and lean


    back, revealing something I never thought I would ever see again.


    It¡¯s a sight that makes me shoot forward again and sit upright like a statue, as though someone just


    fired a rocket up my arse. My stomach somersaults fully and my heart literally stops beating as I¡¯m


    winded so badly, I exhale sharply. It¡¯s so much worse than a severed head.


    I actually wish it was a bloodied limb sitting there instead.


    Therein lies several journals of my youth. My long-lost diaries all tattered and worn and disyed in


    tissue paper like he is presenting me with the crown fucking jewels.


    I would recognise them anywhere. A sight worse than any I could have imagined.


    I long ago left them in a damp-ridden, mouldy t in London, hiding under a crooked floorboard when I


    ran away. I should have destroyed them instead of leaving them to rot along with everything I once held


    onto. I left every possession and tie to my mother in a building that was practically derelict thinking they


    would rot with her.


    How he came to have them in his possession is beyond me. I don¡¯t even know how on earth he could


    have them or if they are even real.


    What kind of witchcraft is this?


    I gawp at him, so sure I¡¯m dreaming and should pinch myself to break this god-awful nightmare once


    and for all.


    Diaries of years and years of having no one else to turn to and offload the horrors of my life. This was


    how I got it out of my head and battled on to breathe another day. I put everything into these dire little


    notebooks. Every woe and dark secret. Every confession and dying dream. It was my outlet to stay


    sane, and I used them to tear the ugliness out of my brain and lock them away to burden the books


    instead of me.


    These journals contain every horrid, dark and painful memory I never want to examine again. Almost


    like cutting open my skull and letting the pictures pour out across the floor for him to see in all their


    detailed glory. I was always a good descriptive writer; it was my therapy, and now sitting here, it¡¯s the


    worst thing I ever did. I never intended for anyone to see them, let alone Alexi.


    I shove the box away hard with the t of my foot, so it slides hard off the other end and almost topples


    off, but he catches it quickly. Scooping fast and righting it back onto the table with a wary nce at my


    face. He seems unsure how to react to me and just stays calm and still.


    The icy coldness sweeps over my entire body as the blood drains, I must be white as a sheet with the


    horrors of seeing the ghost of my past on the coffee table. What¡¯s left of hope and warmth dies an


    immediate death.


    ¡°How did ¡­ where did ¡­ why, you ¡­ I ¡­?¡± I¡¯m babbling, confused, brain chaotic as I try to think of all


    the things I wrote within those pages, and he has them all. Words tumbling off my tongue which


    suddenly seems to not work.


    It¡¯s like giving him every single humiliating, painful thing out of my head andying it bare. Loading a


    gun for him and holding it right at my heart.


    I held nothing back in those books.


    From long before the first time she let Rick touch me while I was her emotional and physical punching


    bag. The reason her life was so shit. All the meid on a child for merely existing. She hated me so


    much. My own mother, the woman who gave me life. I used to wish she would take it away again and


    relieve me of a life that was wracked in misery just to stop her loathing me with every fibre.


    Those books chart a life that¡¯s so shameful that no one should be cursed to read them. Details of things


    that make me sick to my stomach just pulling back what they contain. I¡¯m surprised they didn¡¯t burn out


    his eyeballs as he flicked the pages.


    I pushed away all thoughts of salvation at 16, epted my fate and turned myself into a numb whore to


    make enough money to plot an escape. It¡¯s all in there. Right up to the day I let the pen drop and


    stopped writing it all down. The moment I died inside and never needed it anymore. The day I left them


    in that hole to never see the light of day again.


    Every tiny, dirty little sad sentence which opens all my dark past and illuminates every cobwebbed


    corner. The death of a child. The rise of a worthless shell.


    Pain, ns and promises.


    It¡¯s how he knew about my dandelions and their meaning; now lying in tatters on the table in the form of


    the bracelet he gave me. Now even that weighs with significance, knowing why he picked them of all


    things to gift me.


    It¡¯s why he sees me in a different light.


    Alexi knows the worst of my years. The worst of me.


    He knows things I would never tell another living soul. If he wants to destroy me, then he has had the


    power to do so for however long he has had these books. More fodder than I would have given him in a


    lifetime of living in this club, all in a concentrated powerful dose. He knows everything he could use to


    snub out thest of me.


    Yet he has done nothing except avoid it. He had so much ammunition, so much he could use to wound


    me, and yet he hasn¡¯t done a thing with this information, except avoid hurting me with it.


    The opposite of what a devil would do.


    ¡°I¡¯ve had them since you went missing, and yes, I have read them all. I¡¯m not sorry about that but I am


    sorry I didn¡¯t tell you before now.¡± Alexi has the sense to look ashamed, down to the floor, frowning so


    boyishly. Like he has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but all I can do is tear myself apart


    and cry, that he of all people knows everything.


    Every sordid evil thing that Rick and my mother put me through, the men, the abuse, the violence ¡­


    the shackles and being tied up. The child paedophile ring he passed me around, to be filmed, raped,


    photographed and used until I grew to look more like an adult and no longer fit the purpose. The years


    of being destroyed, humiliated, defiled. How I was broken to pieces over and over and had to keep


    gluing myself back together.


    He has all of it.


    The botched abortion that made me sterile, the years of picking myself up, pping on makeup, even


    when my body was bruised and torn, and letting men have sex with me was so painful my legs would


    give out. He knows how I crawled out of a hospital bed after my insides were stitched back together to


    get back on the streets for fear of Rick¡¯s wrath. For that was worse than internal bleeding and intense


    agony. Pushing away the pain and actively getting out there to enhance my ability to seduce men for


    my own ends. Learning to woo and use my wiles to create the woman who sits before him now. The


    sham, fake girl who masks a million sins.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    A girl who spent years learning how to no longer care.


    The beatings, the rapes, the torture. My mother¡¯s overdose and how I stood and let her die, watching


    her with no remorse as she gasped herst breath. The endless days of wishing myself dead even


    though my own willpower wouldn¡¯t let me execute it.


    He¡¯s right. He didn¡¯t know a damn thing about me before and now he knows too much. Things I would


    never tell a living soul, even under threat of death. He knows everything that is worth knowing if you


    wanted to build a solid way of torturing someone to death. He could crush me so much more brutally


    than before.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel about this other than suffocate with anxiety. Tears blinding my eyes as I stare


    at that damn box and he just stands there too.


    ¡°How?¡± It¡¯s all I can force out, unable to catch his eye andpletely shamed to my core. I feel


    vulnerable and naked, and now everything between us these past few weeks suddenly makes sense.


    The subtle changes in not only him but Mico too, and I don¡¯t doubt Mico has an idea about what¡¯s in


    these books. Alexi tells him everything, he is his closest friend.


    Its unbearable weight crushing all that¡¯s left of my self-respect.


    They know my ugly truths. The worthless mess I really am. My poor beginning and trying to w myself


    some sort of life.


    It¡¯s devastating.


    ¡°I had a PI dig backwards when I couldn¡¯t find you. He tracked you down to Hackney after pinpointing


    English women and Texan men married with one registered daughter, born in the states. I pay him the


    big bucks because he is thorough. It took a while, and he found these in an abandoned apartment in a


    derelict building when he went out there to find out more about you. Or should I say about Lisa?¡±


    And time seems to just stop.


    My face freezing over with the realisation this goes beyond just reading about my past. His PI stood in


    that very ce that I left to rot after I ran. No one else would have moved in after, the whole ce was


    scheduled to be levelled, and they had been slowly evicting tenants over those years. I¡¯m surprised it


    was still standing. I left such a long time ago.


    He knows my name is not Cami.


    He knows I¡¯m not who I pretend to be.


    I have no words, no breath in my body. I just sit like a startled deer in the headlights. Unmoving, afraid


    to feel because there¡¯s an entire world of tears and pain behind my dam, aching to be let loose. I blink


    at that infernal box and pick at my nails absentmindedly, turning it over and over in my head. He knows


    absolutely everything there is to know about the sad little girl who died the day I changed my name. It''s


    excruciating, and I can¡¯t bear to look at him anymore.

 Chapter 142

    Chapter 142


    Shame washing over me as all the little bricks of my persona crumble to the ground. He will never look


    at me the way he did. It¡¯s no wonder he changed.


    ¡°I thought maybe if we started at where you came from then we would have an idea of where you


    would go.¡± Alexies and sits beside me, slowly, carefully, as though he can sense how fragile I am


    feeling. So many things in my head drowning him out. I don¡¯t care where he sits anymore. The real


    danger is facing me in a cardboard box that he has positioned back on the table. The past catching up


    to me once more, and I¡¯m so terrified if I touch even one of those cruddy, mouldy covers that everything


    will turn to dust and I will never recover. I don¡¯t want those memories back.


    He doesn¡¯t seem like a guy who knows he has an edge over me. He isn¡¯t beaming with devious delight.


    He¡¯s acting as though I¡¯ve had a major shock and he¡¯s cing himself and his words around me


    carefully.


    Meanwhile, I just want to burn those damn books and never see them again.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Cam. If I had known that it was all real ¡­ I would never have ¡­¡± he trails off, his words


    heavy and raw, reflecting my emotions and I keep staring at that box. Like some numb illiterate mute


    who has lost all ability tomunicate.


    Afraid to do anything else as my entire being turns to fragile stones that could crumble if I move one


    tiny little bit. I feel like all that is holding me up is theck of air in this room. One little breeze and I will


    topple into a pile of ashes and blow away like the nothing I am.


    I assume he means when he used my past against me to wound me. Truly believing I was lying to him


    about it all, and now he knows I never did. It¡¯s the apology I had been waiting on, yet it doesn¡¯t really


    make me feel any better at all. It means nothing to me now, in the new light of things.


    It all makes sense though. Why he¡¯s so overly aware of standing behind me, changing how he is


    towards me these past weeks. The insight I suspected and know for sure he has. The click, click, click


    as every detail falls into ce.


    Alexi really has been trying to change how he treats me, because maybe, just maybe, he truly cares


    about me, and these books opened his eyes to everything about that little voice in my head. The one


    who tells me I¡¯m not good enough. The story of a lonely, hopeless case who tried to survive at any cost.


    That I keep everyone at a distance because I¡¯m afraid of how people can hurt me.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter anymore.¡± I¡¯m numb and shocked. I think it¡¯s finally seeing something from my past in


    the flesh. Like somehow, it¡¯s had this strange effect of pping me in the face with a lot of pent up pain.


    I feel traumatised to haveid eyes on something very real, like a portal to my scars I never expected to


    examine again. It¡¯s all fresh once more. The things I left behind and swore would never touch me


    again. All here in myp.


    ¡°It does matter. All of it matters. It¡¯s why you feel the way you do about me. It¡¯s why you''re sitting here


    like this, afraid to believe in me.¡± His soft tone pulls me to look at him, breaking my connection to that


    box and I shake my head sadly.


    ¡°How can you stand to look at me, knowing what you do? How can you feel anything for the girl you


    read about in those books?¡± The self-pity oozing, but it¡¯s all I hear as it drowns my head in rushing


    noise. Blotting out what¡¯s happening between us and I¡¯m just caught in the shame from being exposed.


    It¡¯s all that matters now. He knows Cami is not who I am, who I was born. I came from nothing, am


    nothing and will never be worth anything more than nothing. She¡¯s someone I created to mask where I


    came from and nothing about her is true; not the posh upbringing, the high-ss education, and all my


    airs and graces are self-taught. I have had my mask ripped off when I least expected, and by the


    person I never wanted to see behind it.


    It¡¯s the worst feeling in the world.


    He doesn¡¯t just have the bare facts and minor plot to my existence; he has every thought and feeling


    and gritty detail. He has the evil things I thought of doing to Rick in his sleep and the times I plotted to


    make my mother overdose so I could be free. He has the very moments of weakness where I thought


    about picking up one of her needles and blocking life out the way she did. The times I talked myself off


    the ledge of bing another wasted junkie, fucking her life away.


    He has the darkest stupid fantasies of a little girl praying for a brave hero on a big fierce dragon to


    come and burn down the world to save her from her prison. He has it all. It¡¯s like having a massive


    microscope and zing light shone on your deepest darkest depths and exposing them to the world.


    It doesn¡¯t feel good at all.


    ¡°Why would you think I would look at you in any other way than withplete infatuation? You are


    stronger than I ever gave you credit for. You survived, you kept going no matter what was done to you


    and look at you now. You are not even a shadow of where you came from, Cam. You are worlds apart


    from what¡¯s in those books. You are a queen among mere mortals.¡± Alexi sounds genuine, a strong


    statement, a hint of pride in that husky voice, his words a bit strange for the man he is, but it all feels


    like a fake band-aid to cover my bleeding wounds.


    ¡°It¡¯s all a lie, I am nothing but a shell and a mask,¡± I repeat robotically. I think I¡¯m in shock, this feeling of


    being stuck in an airless void where emotion is suspended, and I¡¯m detached from everything around


    me. Dreaming.


    ¡®Cam ¡­¡¯ Alexi starts but I hush him up.


    ¡°Look at me ¡­ really look at me. It¡¯s all fake. It¡¯s makeup and hair dye and expensive clothes and a


    fake ent I practised to death. It¡¯s tricks, smoke and mirrors and false confidence. Nothing else.


    Nothing worthwhile. Nothing real. It¡¯s an act to fool people into thinking I am more than I am.¡± I get up,


    wrapping myself up again in my arms and pace away from him, but he darts to his feet fast and follows


    me, oozing that hostile aura he wears well. It doesn¡¯t even faze me. He¡¯s not the worst thing in the


    room anymore.


    ¡°That¡¯s bullshit. I didn¡¯t fall for the fake, Cam, I fell for the honesty in you. The person you are when


    someone gives you a chance to open up¡ªI see that now. The parts that were trying to reach out to me


    and show me the real her. I fell for her even when I didn¡¯t want to, and that¡¯s who I see every day.


    That¡¯s who I see now.¡±


    He follows me around the room even though I try to walk away from him, suddenly penned in and


    ustrophobic and needing to be free of his scrutiny. I dodge him, changing direction several times but


    he is relentless and keeps blocking me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who I really am. I¡¯m definitely not who you see. The voice in my head is still that same


    stupid girl who had hopes for something more, someone to save her. That moron girl who was na?ve


    and weak and should have let silly hopes and dreams go to hell.¡± I cry at him in despair, so mired in


    self-pity and just needing to let it out.


    ¡°I¡¯m trying to save you. I¡¯m trying to give you more. So, it¡¯s not stupid. I¡¯m right here offering hope.¡± He


    catches my wrist and tugs me gently to face him as I turn to walk off again. Still being cautious even if


    his demeanour is on the more aggressive side.


    ¡°Be real Lexi, how do you go about saving someone like me whose monsters dwell inside her own


    head? I¡¯m beyond saving.¡±


    You can¡¯t save someone like me.


    ¡°By going back and cutting them down at the source. Help remove them from the shadows of your life


    and free you, for a future where all monsters have to go through me to get to you.¡± Alexi¡¯s eyes glint


    and his face twists slightly to hint at anger. The more sadistic side of him peeking out in a micro sh to


    show his demonic side. Something in his words stilling me in my tracks.


    ¡°What do you mean? I don¡¯t understand. Cutting them down at their source? How can you do that?¡±


    His hold on my wrist loosens and he lets my hand drop to my side once more, avoiding eye contact


    immediately and inhales slowly and deliberately. His whole manner changing so swiftly, and I recognise


    the evasive behaviour. I know him well enough to know avoidance and guilt when I see it. The journals


    are not all he hid from me.


    ¡®Alexi? What are you talking about?¡¯ My little suspicion radar pings into effect and this time it¡¯s me who


    follows him when he moves away. All thoughts of woe and misery held still as that little drama detector


    in me jumps to high alert. It¡¯s the way he said it. There is something there. That gut feeling of


    foreboding, and I need to know.


    Alexi evades me and paces towards the little unit where we keep the drinks and sses, but I tug at his


    sleeve and stop him in his tracks.


    ¡®ALEXI!¡¯ I yell it, this time in frustration, and he stops dead so that I walk into the back of him and jump


    back from our soft collision. Anxiety and anger kindling once more. I can feel his hesitation oozing my


    way.


    ¡°I went to London. He didn¡¯t mail me those books.¡± It¡¯s the same tone of confession, and for a second


    time my insides flip over and my heart stops in my chest.


    ¡°What?¡± it¡¯s that knee-jerk reaction of a response and he visibly closes up as he turns to face me.


    Caught out. Shutting down to deadpan when cornered.


    ¡°You went there? You were in that shithole? Why?¡± It¡¯s an usatory tone, spat at him in response. I


    swallow hard, blood running cold at how much worse this is getting, and slowly I try to sit on the edge


    of the table, my legs turning to jelly and giving way on me. Forgetting about the box and weakening to


    lightheaded, that this night just keeps getting worse.


    I didn¡¯t think it could, and yet he has this great habit of proving me wrong. Alexi in Hackney, in the ce


    I lived. The squalor and shame of that run-down shithole.


    Oh, God.


    Alexi seems restless and paces away as though he too is having a hard time reeling in a reaction or his


    thoughts and feelings. This feels like one very long night ofrge confessions and major traumatic


    events. I want to lie on the floor and die.


    I swear this better be a nightmare and I wake up to find none of it is real¡­well maybe the first part


    could still be.


    Maybe he thought I went back? I have no clue why he would go there at all. I don¡¯t like it one bit. It¡¯s


    one thing to read about the poverty I existed in, it¡¯s another thing entirely to see it for yourself. Even I


    would never go back to that rat hole. I can¡¯t even imagine what he thought when he walked into that rot


    riddled tiny t in one of the worst areas in the borough, especially after all this time abandoned.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t told you everything ¡­ I¡¯m not sure I should.¡± He walks across the room thenes back


    towards me again, too much nervous energy and he cannot look at me. He is emanating so much


    energy it¡¯s like an instant anxiety trigger, and suddenly I don¡¯t want to know anymore. My instincts are


    telling me it must be worse than the books, worse than him being there. I don¡¯t think my nerves can


    take any of it, but not knowing will be worse, and my head will run riot and twist itself insane with


    questions.


    I don¡¯t want to know but I need to know.


    ¡°I think you owe me a million exnations tonight, Alexi. If you want me to stay, then be honest with


    me! Stop letting this all filter out in a drib-drab motion and just get it over with. I don¡¯t think my nerves


    can take much more. It surely can¡¯t be worse than ¡­¡± I wave my hand in the air in an epassing


    motion, meaning ¡®this, everything¡¯ hoping to God I¡¯m right.


    He throws me a look that says, ¡®I bet it can¡¯, and my stomach drops to my toes like a lead weight. Not


    sure what it is he wants to tell me, and suddenly afraid of what could be worse than my past being in


    his possession. Maybe I should have just stayed in the elevator and left after all.


    Alexi walks past me to the kitchen, so I¡¯m left perched on the coffee table withck of mobility, and he


    pulls out a ss to pour himself a drink, motioning with a look to ask if I want one too and I nod.


    Something tells me I need a stiff drink if he thinks it¡¯s bad enough to warrant one.


    Mr cool and controlled has done a bloody runner, and this guy is making me antsy as hell.


    A million things are running through my head and yet I draw a nk on what he could have to tell me


    that¡¯s worse than knowing everything about Lisa. That¡¯s the worst in my eyes. Second is standing in


    that ce.


    I detailed everything, and I mean every single thing I lived through. Rape does not make for good


    reading when written by an eleven-year-old on the verge of aplete breakdown. I bleached my body


    until my skin bled in a bath hot enough to melt my skin. I felt so filthy and used. At eleven I understood


    what had been done to me. I should never have known that kind of thing at such a young age.


    He read that. God ¡­ he read it all.


    He saw the where. He stood in a room I described and could envision the scene I set.


    Hees back and hands me something dark on ice and downs his in one go, still standing over me,


    and I can feel the nervous energying off him in droves. Apprehension in his posture and the way


    he moves around before sitting further away so he can look me dead on across the couch.


    Sitting away from me is not a good sign. Alexi needing space is Alexi drumming up the courage to tell


    me something bad; I can feel it. King of invading my space only wants his when he is stressed.


    ¡°I went there when he told me he had those.¡± He nods towards the box and I avoid looking at it again.


    It¡¯s like a giant ck cloud in the room, and I¡¯m afraid if I set my eyes on it again it will suck me right


    into misery. I want them gone. I can¡¯t function knowing they are so close.


    ¡°He read them ¡­ tracked Rick down ¡­¡± It¡¯s the way he adds it quickly, a strained tone to his voice that


    snaps my attention to his like a hawk.


    Rick!!!


    Why would he want to find him of all people? Even him saying that name leaves a horrible taste in my


    mouth, bile rising in my throat, and I want to scrub that name from his tongue, so he never says it


    again.


    Alexi should never have a connection to that man, not even a verbal one. Those two worlds should


    never collide. As much of a bastard as he is, it was nothingpared to that sadistic freak. Alexi would


    never do the things Rick did.


    ¡°Why? I would never go back to him. Never go anywhere near that ce, not for anything.¡± It¡¯s an


    automatic response and he just ys with his ss, rolling it so the ice slides about the empty vessel


    and makes a dull clink-clink noise as he does so. He stares at its depths, and I know he is wrestling


    with the right words, a coldnessing over him that is more in keeping with the devil I met so long


    ago, and I shudder at his appearance. He is choosing his words carefully and thinking over his


    approach.


    ¡°Because I asked him to.¡± That hint of a low growl as Satan Alexi moves into that face, and my mind


    puts two and two together and runs in fright at the conclusion. My insides somersault and a cold


    weakness flushes my entire body instantly. I know the beast in him and all the signs of it being pulled


    out to admit it ate all the vige sheep. I don¡¯t know if I want to know more but I need to.


    I stare at him, stupefied and holding my breath. My heart hammering in my chest and hands trembling


    because a huge part of me already suspects what he is hiding, even if it seems preposterous to normal


    people. Alexi is not normal people, he is Alexi Carrero; I know he has capabilities that are far worse


    than anything I have witnessed him do. His reputation through the years was not built on a myth. I


    know where this is heading, even if I don¡¯t understand why he felt he had to go there and do this.


    ¡°Why did you need to find him, he means nothing to me?¡± I can barely whisper the words out because


    I¡¯m scared to have him tell me more. Unable to keep looking at him as my trembling makes the ice in


    my ss clink uncontrobly, and I follow Alexi¡¯s example and down the burning liquid in one go.


    Warming my throat and singeing it all the way down to my belly, giving me an instant numb warmth that


    does nothing to calm my insides which have hit a spin cycle on a washing machine. I know what¡¯s


    coming and I don¡¯t know if I can bear for him to say the words.


    Oh, Alexi.


    ¡°Mico said it was guilt, a way to, somehow, take back the things I did to you. Maybe it was, or maybe I


    just couldn¡¯t let any man walk this earth who dared hurt you like that. Someone like him doesn¡¯t


    deserve to breathe and walk around untouched. I wanted to make him suffer the way he made you


    suffer. I wanted to do something besides searching for you endlessly.¡±


    And there it is. Exactly what I feared. What I knew wasing. The question is, how straightforward


    was it? I know him. He¡¯s not a quick and clean type when he has a vendetta. That sick, twisted bastard


    in him isn¡¯t retiring anytime soon.


    ¡°Oh, my God, what did you do? Alexi, you didn¡¯t need to do anything. He¡¯s my past. Oh, God ¡­ I don¡¯t


    know if I want to hear this.¡± I nch at him, eyes widening as a million thoughts run through my head


    and I cannot help but gawp at him. He is in full-blown Mafia King mode. Deadpan, almost emotionless


    with that slight furrow of a scowl on his hardened face. His eyes paling out as that meaner side of him


    Alexi has done something awful. Worse than a snap of a neck no doubt. It¡¯s all over him. All the signs


    are present.


    ¡°Not as much as I should have.¡± He looks away, face changing to show something else, but he¡¯s too


    quick to turn from me to hide it and I sit in stony-faced shock. I hate that I know him well enough to


    figure this out, and my mind is struggling toprehend how bad it could have been. He knows no


    limits when ites to cruelty and I¡¯m afraid to dig deeper for specifics.


    ¡°Is he ¡­?¡± I can¡¯t even say the words. Bile rising in my throat almost choking me, but I have to know if


    he ended it and he¡¯s not chained up somewhere enduring a lifetime of excruciating torture in my name.


    I couldn¡¯t bear that. I¡¯m not Rick. I¡¯m not as cold as Alexi either, even if I used to be.


    ¡°He won¡¯t bother you or any other girl ever again. It¡¯s done.¡± He jumps to his feet and stalks back to the


    kitchen to pour himself a second drink, obviously to hide whatever warring emotions are on show, and I


    try to absorb what he said. Trying hard not to show anything on the surface to what he just admitted.


    Alexi went after Rick, did whatever he¡¯s hinting at, and now he¡¯s dead. I can summarise that is exactly


    what he means, and he¡¯s admitting to killing for me for a second time. My gut says he isn¡¯t holding back


    on the death part because, in his world, life holds little value. It¡¯s not something shocking or unheard of.


    Sadly, it¡¯s part of his norm to deal with people in this way. Alexi doesn¡¯t see cold-blooded murder the


    way someone outside his world would; killing is just a tool, an epted part of life.


    Someone like Rick is like swatting a fly or running over a toad in the road. It¡¯s nothing to him, so I can


    only guess his aversion to spelling it out properly means he took the long slow route of killing Rick, in


    gruesome painful ways thatsted days. Something he thinks will disgust me.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    I don¡¯t even know how to feel about that other than a sense of nothing. Even though I should be


    abhorred, afraid maybe. I should feel something, maybe disgust or shock but I don¡¯t. Not really. Beyond


    the surprise of his confession to all of this.


    Rick deserved to die for all he did.


    There¡¯s more fear in connecting Alexi to the sort of monster in my head who could torture a man than


    knowing that perverted fuck writhed in agony until he took hisst breath.


    I don¡¯t care that a life has been snubbed out.


    I care about seeing Alexi as some cruel and evil being who could do it. Afraid he changes how I look at


    him with a few sentences and I can¡¯t have him give me the sort of details that would do that.


    That¡¯s fucked up.


    There is something truly wrong with me.


    What I do care about is that he took it upon himself to track him down and do something about


    someone who caused me so much pain and misery in my life. Whether it was guilt for how he wronged


    me, or just a need to hurt someone that had inflicted trauma on the person he ims to love. He didn¡¯t


    go after him for anything other than doing it for me.


    Alexi really does love me. In his own fucked up way. Killing Rick was a way of making amends for the


    wrongs he did me or just to ease my suffering and snub out the monsters guing my life.


    Alexi is all about actions and not words, and you cannot get any louder than hunting down and ying


    a pig like Rick for me.


    It¡¯s not a lie, a game, a way to get to me¡ªit¡¯s a truth. I¡¯m watching him now as he pours a drink and


    hides from me because he¡¯s worried my reaction to his confession will be like that of his mother;


    rejection and fear of him. Seeing an unlovable cold murderer. Convinced I will only see a monster, just


    like she did. Crushing his soul, just the way a cold woman did to a child who never deserved it. It


    exins so much about him.


    I suddenly feelpletely overwhelmed. All those floating emotions swirling around me and the ones


    which flood my head and heart are empathy and gratitude. For a misunderstood little boy who shows


    his love in the strangest ways.


    Like hunting down a dog killer and beating his car to death.


    He didn¡¯t tell me this because he wanted to prove anything, other than he¡¯s always cared. He didn¡¯t do


    it to make mee back to him either. He didn¡¯t even tell me until now. He is only telling me because


    he wants honesty. Something we never had the first time around.

 Chapter 143

    Chapter 143


    I put my ss down and stand up slowly, eyes on his tall, strong back as he messes with the ice


    cannister, fidgeting to get his excessive energy under control and I walk forward. Growing in


    determination and confidence, knowing this is what I should do.


    Watching him as I close the gap between us and sensing his own quiet despair that me knowing about


    what he did will send me running for the door twice as fast. I can feel his tension from afar. That scared


    little boy awaiting the inevitable rejection from another woman deeming him unworthy of love because


    of the things he was programmed to do.


    Who could love someone who kills so brutally, so cruelly?


    Me.


    I could.


    Because I understand why.


    No hesitation, nothing else in my head except this overwhelming feeling that I want to do this. I need to


    do this. I owe him this.


    I walk up right behind him, slide my arms around his waist and push my head against his back as I hug


    him tight for a second, and squeeze him with all my might. Somehow, I want him to know that what he


    did ¡­ it means nothing to me in the way it should. I¡¯m not any girl; I¡¯m numb and broken to this world


    because of all I have endured, and I understand that in his world, torture and murder don¡¯t have the


    same value as out there in a safe suburban existence. Alexi killed for me ¡­ that is how he trantes


    his devotion. It¡¯s fucked up, crazy, but utterly right for who he is.


    And I¡¯m equally insane. Only someone like me could see the act of devotion in something so vulgar


    and despicable and want to reward him for it.


    He feels good, too good, smells even better, and the way his touch has always brought me a sense of


    safe and secure envelops me again. Wrapping myself around him as his body stiffens at first with the


    contact and then he rxes in my arms. Feeding my need for his touch and reassuring him that I don¡¯t


    feel disgusted at what he did for me.


    Alexi catches my wrist around his t, hard abdomen and tugs me around him, lifting his arm so I¡¯m


    pulled to the front of his body and hugs me back. Wrapping me up tight in his arms and pushes his chin


    over the top of my head so I¡¯m cradled small and tight within his embrace. Held firmly in the safest


    ce in the world. Entangled bodies fitting together so effortlessly. We just fit.


    His tall, strong mass and my slender curves. Like two pieces of yin and yang that slot together to make


    one whole.


    ¡°We are apletely fucked up pair.¡± His low husky tone buries into my scalp along with the warmth of


    his breath, and my head tingles. His chest sounds hollow for a second as his voice reverberates


    through me and I hold tight. It¡¯s the biggest understatement of the century, and yet he¡¯s right.


    Only someone as fucked up as him could ever truly see someone like me as worthy. We are both


    screwed in terms of normality.


    ¡°Maybe that¡¯s why I like you.¡± I bury my face in his chest and close my eyes, breathing in his unique


    Alexi scent. Heart hammering through my rib cage because I admit that maybe I do. Wanting to


    immerse myself into the familiarity of his body. Feeling that tingle of safety and security only he has


    ever given me and rxing a little.


    It¡¯s a start, I guess.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take like. It¡¯s something anyway. Room to grow into something more.¡± His voice oozes over me like


    smooth velvet and I hold on tighter, wondering why this man seems to be made for hugging when, in


    life, he is not the cuddling type. He doesn¡¯t do much of the touchy-feely stuff but that doesn¡¯t matter


    right now. He isn¡¯t letting me go.


    His hand smooths down my spine slowly, t and strong with ample pressure then back up as he


    strokes down my long hair gently, ttening it out and brushes its length with his fingers. He seems to


    have a thing for ying with my hair, not that I¡¯mining. It¡¯s crazily sweet and unexpected from


    someone like him. A tender, genuine affection, and I lift my face to look up at him as I get that little tug


    as he ys with a strand of my hair.


    ¡°What now?¡± It¡¯s a good question because I honestly do not know what we are supposed to say or do


    after this. I¡¯m not ready to throw myself at this man just because he possesses a heart. I¡¯m grateful for


    what he did, but as I pull myself away, feeling him release me reluctantly and straighten myself up, his


    eyes wander over me slowly. No further forward than we were minutes ago.


    ¡°You tell me.¡± He looks wary and I sigh heavily, repositioning myself against the counter so we stand a


    foot apart. Strained awkwardness returning now we are no longer touching.


    Isn¡¯t that just the thing? I have no clue.


    There¡¯s a long tense pause as my brain scrambles for a response, and I stare at him reluctantly,


    absorbing every single one of those masculine features. He truly is a handsome devil, even with those


    cold eyes and that brooding frown. He just continues with that unreadable expression and watches me


    just as intensely.


    ¡°I need time to think. I need to sleep. My head¡¯s a mess and there are a million and one things in there


    flying around.¡± I step away from him to get a little extra space I so need right now, catching the look of


    disappointment as he realises the hug was a one-off, for now anyway. This is my only option to get


    some headspace.


    I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m doing beyond going to bed and being alone for a while. There are a million and


    one things to process that are piling up to mountainous proportions, and my poor frazzled head can¡¯t


    separate all of this.


    London, Rick, Love, Murder ¡­ Jesus Christ, Alexi. You really are a major in terms of head mess.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be here.¡± He nods towards the couch and I stare at him for another long moment.


    ¡°Will you do something for me?¡± It¡¯s soft and pleading but I need it. Vision straying to that box in the


    background and yet I still cannot bear to let my eyes fall on them directly.


    ¡°Anything.¡±


    His response pulls a tiny smile from me, but I curb it quickly and focus on what I need.


    ¡°Burn those journals for me, please. I never want to see them again. I never want to talk about it ¡­ or


    Rick. My past is the past, and all that¡¯s connected to it doesn¡¯t exist anymore. It all died with him. It¡¯s a


    moot subject from here on in. Promise me.¡±


    It¡¯s a stern-voicedmand and Alexi has the sense to nod and say nothing. A moment of intense


    staring at my face before he shifts on his feet. He turns and walks to the table immediately, picking up


    the box and fishes around inside it for a moment, pushing the books aside. And I nce down at my


    feet, afraid to see him pull one out.


    I really cannot handle their existence in this room.


    He puts it back down and walks to me, something small in his hand and holds it out casually, his face


    lightening with a hint of a shy smile.


    ¡°You may want this. Don¡¯t think it should meet the furnace.¡±


    I blink as my eyes focus on the ck tube in his hand, confused for a second as to what I¡¯m looking at,


    and I realise as my eyesight settles on it that it¡¯s the red lipstick I lost thest time I lived here. The no


    longer manufactured shade of red that was always my signature colour. The exact shade of my hair.


    The one I looked everywhere for and realised it must have been left behind.


    Weirdly, emotional trauma makes me happy gasp at the sight of it. Truly having ast psychotic break


    after one long evening of way too much drama.


    ¡°Oh, my God, where did you find it?¡±


    It¡¯s almost like everything from thest few hours fall away to nothing. Focusing on something so


    unimportant and meaningless, but it¡¯s a distraction from this reality. It¡¯s something to yank me back to


    yesterday before this topsy-turvy night happened and pulled the rug from under me. Normal on a wave


    of surreal.


    ¡°Cleaner found it under your bed and I couldn¡¯t throw it away. It¡¯s all I had left of you.¡± Alexi looks


    instantly uneasy at this obvious admission of feelings and I smile at him, stupidly. His words seeping in


    and what he just admitted to.


    He kept it for sentimentality. Alexi the devil incarnate Carrero, kept a tiny piece of me, even though it


    was something insignificant. It¡¯s cute, for him anyway.


    ¡°And I used to think you were devoid of all human emotions.¡± I jest and poke him in the abdomen for


    good measure, aware of my sudden jokey urge to touch him, and the instant lift of my mood over some


    materialistic object. I always used possessions to push my feelings away into that box in my head.


    Deflection at its finest. Some habits die hard.


    ¡°There she is ¡­ my sassy brit with herebacks. I was worried I had lost you there for a little while.¡±


    He smiles back, a genuine soft dimple raising glint that reaches his eyes and hands me my tube of rare


    and wonderful red liquid bliss. I grip it and take a long, heavy inhale, this time careful not to graze


    fingers, even though I want to feel his warmth on my skin one more time before I go.


    There¡¯s just too much confusion inside of me, and my senses are telling me to walk away and give


    myself headspace. He¡¯s too potent, too good at pulling me back to him. Tonight, has drained me of


    everything and flipped me upside down. I would be too susceptible to fall back into his bed while feeling


    this way, and that would be disastrous. I¡¯m too vulnerable and I must protect myself, even if he does


    care about me.


    ¡°I should go to bed; I have a lot to process.¡± The air of awkwardness between us returns once more


    and we separate again by a few feet as he returns to the table to put the lid on that damned box before


    sliding it under his arm securely. Hiding out of sight the things I asked him to get rid of. I¡¯m guessing he


    will do as I asked and remove it as soon as I¡¯m out of the room and knows that space is probably a


    good thing for both of us.


    Doing as I asked without question. There is hope for him yet.


    ¡°I think sleep will do you good. You look wiped out. We can talk whenever you want. I¡¯m not going


    anywhere.¡± Alexi strays a little closer but it¡¯s too much, I have so much going on in my head and under


    my skin that I move away to breathe. I no doubt have a million more questions to get out of my head


    before I feel able to stand and be okay with him again, but for now, I¡¯m prickling with the need to be


    alone. I just feel like, right now, I don¡¯t know him anymore.


    The man of thest months is not the one who stands before me now, and having one sentence


    change our entire dynamic, has changed who I see before me. It¡¯s too much. My head¡¯s a mess.


    Alexi the cruel, controlling tormentor, has be the man who murdered for me, trekked to London to


    find me, and confessed to being in love with me. I have so many scenarios to rey and rethink now IN?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    know these things, and thest months could do with being analysed carefully while I figure out what to


    do. It¡¯s a lot to swallow.


    He didn¡¯t leave me in that hospital and discard me like an unfeeling son of a bitch. He stayed until he


    knew I was okay. He held my hand. It changes so much.


    He¡¯splex for sure, and I feel like I have barely grazed the surface.


    ¡°Okay, so ¡­¡± I trail off and turn on my foot sheepishly, moving away shyly and trying to go towards my


    bedroom. That heavy atmosphere of two people feeling strange around each other, even though only a


    short while ago we were having hot naked sex in the room only twenty feet away.


    I blush at the memory. Another odd reaction in a tense and strained moment.


    Blushing over sex? I would never do anything that weird. Sex was my life, my skill, my weapon. With


    Alexi, however, sex always felt different, even when he was using it against me. He took it from being a


    tool for me and turned it into something more. Something intimate.


    I turn on my heels properly and walk to my room, gripping my lipstick tightly as though it¡¯s the most


    valuable possession I own. I think maybe because he held onto it all this time, because it was a part of


    me and he couldn¡¯t let it go, somehow helps me believe that all of this is real.


    I¡¯m intent on lying down in a dark space and unravelling all this mess in my head. I have so much to let


    loose and think over.


    Alexi, Rick, the diaries, everything that happened tonight and where do I go from here. What do I want?


    I¡¯m just so emotionally empty.


    ¡°London?¡± Alexi¡¯s voice stops me, and I nce back over my shoulder at him.


    ¡°What?¡± I look at him through narrowed eyes as I catch the odd soft expression as he watches me walk


    away. Still standing where I left him, only now the box is in his two hands, held tightly in front of him.


    ¡°You¡¯re not nothing ¡­ you¡¯re everything. My everything.¡± His eyes on mine, voice gentle and sexily low


    with that half smile I see him with sometimes; a genuine moment of real Alexi.


    My heart thuds heavily with a weird, painful pang that isn¡¯t sore. It¡¯s an odd moment of deep emotion,


    and I swallow the instant lump that forms in my throat, threatening to choke me. Tears hitting the backs


    of my eyes and I blink them away.


    I have no words, no response to that. He just blew me away unexpectedly.


    ¡°Goodnight.¡± It¡¯s all I can force out as my eyes mist over, despite my efforts, and I turn and hightail it to


    my room before he sees me break down and cry my weird little heart out; because for the first time in


    my life, someone said it and I believed them without question.


    Sleep eludes me. Not that I thought it wouldn¡¯t, but it¡¯s frustrating just the same.


    I spend what seems like forever tossing and turning in the bed, unable to clear my mind of anything


    and everything and rolling myself into a frustrated mess. Up and down like a yoyo. Mood and emotions


    twisting me up and trawling me out just to do it over again. My bedclothes get so screwed into an


    unholy mess I end up getting up and fixing them several times, so unsettled and restless that I¡¯m


    making myself crazier than hell.


    I can¡¯t think straight because I¡¯m so utterly tired, yet I can¡¯t clear my head enough to close my eyes and


    think of nothing at all. It¡¯s exhausting and making me irrational and tearful all at the same time.


    He really has a lot to answer for.


    Alexi is all up in there in a hundred different ways. Good and bad, I guess. Churning over months of


    scenarios and shining a new light on meanings and oues. Picking apart every conversation we


    have had since I came back. Pawing over hurt and happier memories like I can¡¯t really believe any of it


    for how they seemed anymore. Face value means nothing now I¡¯m looking backwards.


    Sex, confessions, Rick, life in general around Alexi. It¡¯s all a jumbled, confusing bundle of a mixed and


    muddled mess. Trying to slice open all that I thought I knew and add this new insight to every detail.


    Trying to take away the obvious and apply a lot of double meanings to really see Alexi acting like


    someone who gave a shit instead of someone who didn¡¯t.


    And that one burning question which is sending me into an emotional meltdown.


    What now?


    I know I love him; I can¡¯t deny that fact no matter how hard I try. It is how it is, even if I don¡¯t like it, but


    loving him and admitting it to him and giving him thest ounces of power over me terrify me. I don¡¯t


    think I can do it.


    I can¡¯t forget what he did or how easily he can rip me to shreds. He may be ying nice now, but what


    if he turns, what if we don¡¯t work or I piss him off? Can I ever trust him with all of me once again? I have


    been there and done that and he threw me aside like an empty rubbish sack.


    You don¡¯t do that if you care.


    He wants us to be something more.


    What does that even mean? What is more? Can we be more than what we are? Is that even possible,


    given where we havee from and what has gone on between us? What does ¡®more¡¯ mean for him


    and what would he expect from me to be that ¡®more¡¯?


    A rtionship?


    I don¡¯t even know what that is like, even by normal standards. I never had a real rtionship with


    anyone in my life; in any way. Not even any sort of real two-sided friendship let alone love; well Mico


    and Jackson don¡¯t really count because it¡¯s business, and they are paid to tolerate me.


    My own mother couldn¡¯t stand to look at me and I don¡¯t know how to form long-term bonds or trust with


    anyone, let alone a man who crushed me in two and was the root of me trying to end my life.


    Trust is a funny thing, and despite my affections for Mico and Jackson, I don¡¯t even think I trust them.


    And they have done nothing for me to doubt them. How can I begin to learn to trust Alexi? After


    everything he has put me through.


    To trust that he cares for me so we could be something more¡ªif he even does.


    If I believe him.


    I do.


    Sort of.


    Maybe.


    I don¡¯t fucking know anymore.


    I kind of do, yet there are so many doubts and fears in knowing what he is capable of, standing in my


    way. Blocking any thoughts of trying to see how this goes.


    If he loved me back then and could still do those things to me, then he is capable of doing them again.


    Why wouldn¡¯t he? He has no limits, and he can snap and repeat shit to hurt me if I push him enough


    again. Punishing me, hurting me. It¡¯s in him. I mean a guy who can torture and murder someone in cold


    blood can definitely inflict more mental damage on me. All in a day¡¯s work for someone like him.


    I can¡¯t take it anymore, and finally, I relent and get up to go fix myself a warm drink and find some


    sleeping pills in the kitchen. Anything to get a break from this self-inflicted torture and give my head a


    rest. I feel like my brain is wringing itself out and pushing its mass through a meat grinder. Sleep


    deprivation will not help me figure anything out, and it¡¯s giving me nothing but a headache.


    I pad out to the kitchen through the dark living room and almost jump out of my skin when I turn into the


    kitchte and walk smack bang into him at the fridge. Heart missing a beat and squealing like an idiot


    as I collide with a warm, hard body in the semi-darkness. He has all the lights set to low, so I literally


    didn¡¯t see his all ck dressed skulking self in the shadows.


    ¡®Fuck¡¯s sake, Lexi!¡¯ I jump half a mile and almost drop dead of a heart attack.


    ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to scare you.¡± He smiles at me, looking daunting and obviously impressed with his


    sinister prowess when lurking around in the partially lit apartment. I just eye roll at him as I try to calm


    my erratic heart and weak limbs.


    Pantheres to mind. He has the silent, confident walk of a ferocious ck beast in the shadows.


    Wearing what looks like a form-fitting work out tee over sweatpants. Modern day ninja or cold assassin.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you use beds?¡± I ask sarcastically, still recovering from my minor stroke as he moves out of the


    way to let me pass. I lift the milk jug out before I head for the counter past him to put space between us


    again and regain control of my shallow breathing.


    ¡°Sometimes. It smells of you, so I didn¡¯t think sleep would be achievable.¡± He answers it so matter of


    fact, but those eyes are homed in on me and every movement and I can feel them following me around


    the space. Alexi is trying to read me for any kind of reaction, I guess.


    What he said though has a more profound effect. I blush right down to my roots and eye him up


    sheepishly as I get what he meant by that. What we did in his bed hitting full force like a pornographic


    rey in my mind¡¯s eye, and I can¡¯t deny that little heated tingle between my thighs at the thought. I


    push it down again and try to ignore the way my whole body just perked up with the appetite of a


    ravenous whore. I mean the guy fucks like a lothario and has the tools to make it memorable. Getting


    turned on by him has never been a problem.


    Seems my libido had a fast recovery anyway, even if my mental state hasn¡¯t.


    ¡°Right, of course.¡± Instantly losing my cool and spill milk everywhere on the surface as I try to fill a mug


    for the microwave. Very skilled.


    ¡°Did you get any?¡±


    What? Sex? The smell of Alexi on my sheets? What on earth is he talking about? I nch at him


    questioningly, face warming as that juvenile blush creeps up to my temples and gets two shades


    darker, judging by the heat my face emanates.


    ¡°Sleep ¡­ you look frazzled.¡± He finishes, and that glow turns hot crimson on my face as I inwardly


    curse myself for turning into this odd uncool freak with him right now. I have no clue what¡¯s wrong with


    me, other thanplete fatigue. I¡¯m acting like a virgin who got caught alone with the school heartthrob


    hinting at nooky.


    What happened to my years of seducing men like a pro and being the level-headed seductress with all


    the moves?


    He¡¯s killed my sexual prowess dead.


    I wasn¡¯t expecting him to be out here, and now I¡¯m all fingers and thumbs and feeling unusually


    nervous around him, while he seemspletely normal once again.


    What the hell is with his effects on me? I swear it¡¯s some kind of voodoo. Must be some demonic skill


    given to the devil to lure unsuspecting women to their deaths.


    ¡°No, not really. Lots going on in here.¡± I tap my temple with a long-manicured nail and try to turn my


    attention to heating milk for a hot chocte to help me rx a little and not look like such a ditzy klutz.


    I¡¯m overly aware of how big he is in this small space and the way he is hovering around me, moving in,


    sapping all the oxygen in the room. I drop my spoon and inwardly curse at the uselessness of my own


    digits.


    ¡°You seem nervous.¡± Alexi points out the obvious and I blow out a lot of air heavily, knowing I can¡¯t hide


    it from him, and resistance is futile. I¡¯m sweating nerves and he is so close my heart is palpating and


    making me so uber jittery, it¡¯s crazy. My skin is tingling all over and I¡¯m so sensitive to his nearness I


    can practically feel him. He isn¡¯t dumb and reads bodynguage and mannerisms better than anyone.


    He can clearly see the hot mess I have be.


    I drop the spoon again, ttering onto the surface loudly and try to look like I have my shit together


    when I retrieve it.


    I don¡¯t know why he is now having this kind of effect other than because I know he is expecting an


    answer I don¡¯t have. Or maybe because my head just keeps screaming ¡®ALEXI LOVES YOU¡¯.


    Nerves because everything has changed between us. Or just an emotional break as I finally leap off


    the sanity shelf and into the mental breakdown pot. Who knows?


    ¡°Look, I know you are wondering what I¡¯m thinking about in terms of what you said. I just ¡­¡± I have no


    clue how to say it. I just feel like I need to fill the gap with something verbal.


    ¡°You¡¯re scared.¡± Alexi states bluntly and I pause to catch his eye. He seems normal once more and


    much like the Alexi I¡¯m used to. It¡¯s oddly reassuring in a very fucked up way. He seems unfazed,


    unaffected and devoid of all normal human emotions. So, back to usual then.


    ¡°Confused.¡± I correct him, but even I know he was right the first time.


    ¡°I¡¯m not expecting you to dive into my arms and announce a rtionship, Cam. I¡¯m not asking for that. I


    know that¡¯s something I have to work towards and earn, all I¡¯m asking for right now is the chance to


    spend time with you. Take you on a date or two and not have you run out the door like a maniac at 4


    AM after mind-blowing sex.¡±


    Mind-blowing? Is that him telling me that sex with me is as good for him as it always is for me?


    Don¡¯t overthink it, Cam. Sex is sex for men. As long as they get to poke a dark wet hole until they cum,


    they¡¯re usually happy.


    He leans in against the counter beside me, propping his butt at it so he can look at me while I fumble


    with jars of cocoa and almost drop the mug when trying to get it in the microwave.


    Lord have mercy on my soul.


    Please stop disabling my hands and making me look like an utter moron in front of this man.


    ¡°Sounds so simple when you put it that way.¡± I stammer out, attempting to sound like me, only higher


    pitched, much antsier and hanging on the verge of a mental break.


    ¡°It is as simple as we make it.¡± He takes the jar I have lifted from my hand and opens it for me,ying it


    on the counter, making it clear he can see how much I¡¯m struggling to do basic tasks. I take a deep


    breath, hating how obvious I¡¯m being and try to steady my trembling fingers before I continue.


    ¡°Hmm,¡± I answer as though I¡¯m distracted, but really, I¡¯m inwardly shaking. He¡¯s not trying to pressure


    me, actually he probably is, it¡¯s Alexi after all, but either way, it suddenly feels very intense in here and


    I¡¯m struggling to catch my breath.


    I think they call that a ustrophobic response to being cornered. He is pushing for an answer I don¡¯t


    have and I¡¯m running the other way because I¡¯m not ready to decide.


    ¡°I know you still care about me. Last nighting home to that, was all I needed. It¡¯s what I have been


    looking for ¡­ a glimpse that you still feel for me. I won¡¯t fuck this up again. I know I only get one


    chance.¡± He leans in again and takes the jar out of my hand as I attempt, ungraciously, to get the lid


    back on, and closes it for me before handing it back.


    So domestic nowadays.


    I avoid looking at him as he slides nearer, and I concentrate on putting it back in the cupboard without


    dropping it on my own face.


    ¡°I thought you were dead ¡­ I was emotional, erratic.¡±


    Insane.


    ¡°Perfect.¡±

 Chapter 144

    Chapter 144


    That gets me blinking up at him and catch that weird half smile he does that has a crazy softness to it.


    My insides flip flop all over, warning me how dangerously close I am to falling right back under his spell.


    I need to be smarter. He has so much power over me and exerts so little effort to use it.


    There is so much more weight on this now, I have to be stronger.


    ¡°Why are you being so smug and annoyingly confident right now? You weren¡¯t so self-assuredst


    night, so what is it that¡¯s got you smiling and acting like I¡¯m a done deal today?¡± I snap at him, not so


    much in anger but irritated that he is making me crazily nervous and awkward, making assumptions,


    and I¡¯m making an idiot of myself. I hate that I¡¯m not in control of me. Alexi just grins at me.


    ¡°You¡¯re still here. My odds went up massively when you stopped trying to escape via the elevator. And


    you haven¡¯t stopped blushing since you came out here. I can see it even in this light, so I¡¯m reading


    that as progress.¡±


    Wanker.


    ¡°Ugh, you¡¯re an arsehole you know that?¡± I sigh at him, turning a mock raised brow and pouted facial


    expression but he silences me with a swift move and pauses just before we lock lips. Catching me off


    guard with such a smooth move so I don¡¯t react initially.


    It¡¯s almost like he is awaiting the rejection or seeking permission, and when I make no move to stop


    him, too busy being mesmerised by his sudden nearness, he inches thest small gap and kisses me


    softly on the lips.


    Moulding his warm, soft mouth to mine gently and making me incapable of any thought.


    I should have stopped him. I don¡¯t know why I didn¡¯t. I truly am aplete idiot sometimes.


    It¡¯s not a full-on snog or a kiss that requires a response, just a soft pressing together to render me


    mute, delivering a very effective stomach of butterflies and skin erupting orgasm of sensations before


    he pulls back again. Still staying close enough to graze his nose against mine in a cocky way. Almost


    like confident ownership, and I have no words as I just struggle to breathe properly.


    ¡°Another ten percent rise.¡± He grins, annoyingly so, and I sucker punch him in the abdomen in a bout of


    pissed off that his words have thrown me. Enjoying the muffled ¡®ugh¡¯ that I extract from him when my


    limb connects with all that carved muscle; winding the son of a bitch.


    ¡°You have a lot to learn about romance.¡± I huff and shove him away from me harshly. Annoyed that all it


    took was one tiny little kiss and I turned to mush. Arrogant tosser needs a good kick in the balls.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you will train me in time.¡± He retorts and this time it¡¯s rewarded with a re and an


    unimpressed hair flick.


    Cocky bastard thinks I am a done deal and I give him a sterner look than thest one. Not sure I like


    that he is certain that all it will take are some well-timed kisses and garbled love confessions and I¡¯m


    under his spell. He seriously is aplete arrogant wanker with an ego far too big for any single man


    to possess.


    ¡°I liked you better when I was leaving; I might go pack a bag after all.¡± I sulk, sticking my chin up and


    get nothing but a smile from him.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    Arsehole.


    ¡°Have dinner with me tonight.¡± He ignores my threat and swoops in with a charming smile and leans in


    so close I¡¯m sure he might try for another kiss, but this time I lean away. I concentrate on getting my


    cup out of the microwave as it beeps, relieved to have an excuse not to look at him. Although I¡¯m aware


    that he is so close to my face that one little turn sideways, and I will end up lip to lip without trying. I


    pretend I cannot see him and carry on.


    ¡°I have a club to run. Money to make and all that.¡± I point out, eyes down on my hands as I almost


    scald myself with hot milk and shovel in scoops of sugar haphazardly. I don¡¯t even take sugar but it¡¯s a


    task that makes it seem like I¡¯m ignoring him. He needs to learn his ce.


    ¡°Lunch then.¡± He presses, not giving up and I throw him an exasperated look and a heavy frown,


    careful to lean further back when I turn, so I do not end up knocking noses and having that mouth on


    me again. He isn¡¯t moving back, despite my flip to cool and huffy, and in fact, it¡¯s just annoying me more


    that he¡¯s oblivious to it.


    ¡°We did that already, and it wasn¡¯t that sessful,¡± I reply dryly.


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t ¡­ okay, forget that. Breakfast ¡­ it¡¯s not even sunup, we have plenty of time to get ready


    and go find somece to eat.¡±


    Relentless, pushy control freak. Not taking no for an answer. How very Alexi!


    ¡°How is this giving me time to think?¡± I snap at him this time. Now he really is frustrating me as


    domineering, bossy shithead moves back in and I wonder if Alexi the love confessor was a figment of


    my imagination. I thought it wouldst a lot longer than this, but nope. Right back to his usual prick self.


    Pushing me around and trying to coerce me into what he wants, and not giving a toss about my


    boundaries and my needs.


    ¡°I changed my mind. Thinking gives you more time to convince yourself running is the right option. I¡¯m


    hoping if I swoop in fast then you won¡¯t,¡± he winks, and I¡¯m totally done for. Temper snapping and full-


    blown diva taking hold. I won¡¯t have him shepherding me to what he wants and trampling all over my


    feelings like they don¡¯t matter. He has done that too many times. I m the things I¡¯m holding down and


    turn on him aggressively, rage igniting, and tears close behind.


    ¡°This isn¡¯t a joke or a game! This is my heart. My life. This is a big fucking deal to me. You have no idea


    how afraid of you I still am, in so many ways. You hurt me so badly Alexi and you cannot just push me


    around and bully me into dating you just because you decide to be fucking nice and say a few sweet


    things to me. This isn¡¯t how it works!¡± Tears erupt dramatically and blur my vision as I swing away from


    him to hide my upset, abandoning my cup but don¡¯t get very far. Alexi catches me by the upper arm,


    naked arms in the flimsy negligee I¡¯m wearing, and pulls me back into his embrace, wrapping me up


    and holding me tight. Giving me no choice but to remain his prisoner in a manly hug that¡¯s close to boa


    constrictor pressure. He grips me tight, his own heartbeat pounding through his chest against mine,


    almost in unison.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m not trying to push, and I do know how much this means. It does to me too. I¡¯m scared of


    losing you, and I¡¯m trying to be patient, but I need to be around you. I¡¯m sorry, Cam. I really am. I don¡¯t


    know how else to be, this is who I am.¡±


    His words cool my jets a little, but they don¡¯t turn off the waterworks running down my face. His strained


    tone and genuineness simmer my anger to something else entirely, but I feel prickly still and don¡¯t want


    his touch.


    ¡°You¡¯re pushing me to do what you need and want and not giving me time to breathe or think. I wasn¡¯t


    lying when I said I don¡¯t trust you. This isn¡¯t how to change that.¡± I manage to push myself free from his


    hold and yank myself away to stand by myself, hating that he can break me down to an emotional


    mess without trying. He stands still and watches me, looking like his usual foreboding self, knowing he


    shouldn¡¯t do anything else. He has the sense to leave me be anyway and I wrap my arms around my


    body to console myself. Shivering, but not because I¡¯m cold, just exhausted with all of it. Aching for


    some mental peace even for a few seconds.


    ¡°I have never felt this way about anyone. I don¡¯t know how to do this, or how to behave. I¡¯ve never


    wanted this before and never knew how intense this could be. I feel like I can¡¯t breathe when I¡¯m not


    with you and now I¡¯ve finally told you, I don¡¯t want to pretend anymore. I¡¯m done hiding how I feel about


    you.¡± He looks as lost as I feel, eyes boring into me so very desperately and some of my upset


    dissipates a little at the lost boy look on that face and the words that seem honest.


    Neither of us knows how to do this, it¡¯s not like we have a guidebook on how to love and trust.


    It¡¯s like the blind leading the blind.


    ¡°You broke me, Alexi. Really, really destroyed me, and I never fully recovered. It¡¯s not that easy to let


    someone who does that back in when you found it hard enough to do the first time around.¡± I admit


    honestly, sheepishly and can¡¯t look him in the eye anymore. Flinching when he moves towards me,


    caging me in with his body and traces the tears down my cheek. His breath warming my face as he


    moves in all around me and overtakes my space once more. My head is full of his scent and nearness.


    ¡°If I could go back and change it all, I would. Believe me, Cam. I know what I did.¡± The tender caress of


    a lover and not the man who terrorised me and reduced me to ashes. My body responds with tiny


    shivers and I pull his hand away from me, unable to bear this when feeling so unsure. I¡¯m not ready for


    caresses and kisses. Coming through here was a mistake.


    ¡°I just need one day of space and normal and being allowed to think. I need that from you. It¡¯s a lot to


    take in.¡±


    More than anything in the world, all I need right now is to let it all sink in and catch up and try to get my


    head around things. I don¡¯t even know what happenedst night while he was gone, who was shot,


    what went down, and he hasn¡¯t mentioned Mico at all. I guess everyone is fine as he seemspletely


    unfazed.


    I¡¯m sure if Mico was hurt then Alexi would be a mess. He cares about him. He¡¯s his right-hand man,


    cousin and best friend all rolled into one.


    ¡°I never thought that request would be so hard ¡­ I¡¯ll try. Patience isn¡¯t my strong point.¡± Alexi reverts to


    sheepish too, and I think he realises his confidence was a little premature. We are not just going to fall


    into sex and love and happy ever after like a goddamn romance book. We have so much between us,


    and I¡¯m not sure if I can move past any of it with him. My life is so fucked.


    I need to find a crash course in romantic rtionships because I have no clue how to have one.


    ¡°Is Mico okay?¡± I ask finally, annoyed at myself that, until thesest few minutes, I never thought to ask.


    So much for being his friend. I just assumed that he was okay because Alexi seemed okay and it¡¯s only


    being brought up now because I¡¯m a wimp and looking to detract him from his current conversation to


    give my head a break.


    I¡¯m such a shitty person.


    ¡°He¡¯s fine. Why wouldn¡¯t he be?¡± Alexi frowns as though it¡¯s a weird question, looks a little suspicious


    and moves away suddenly to walk to the couch and give me space. My radar pings immediately, and


    despite feeling like I have been dragged backwards through an emotional bush, all my attention peaks


    at the sudden change in his behaviour and his obvious ignorance of a shootout in which I thought he


    was dead. His instant decision to give me space after practically leg humping me, says it all. I honestly


    might cry if this is yet another hidden story that he should have told me.


    There¡¯s more.


    I know when he is being an evasive tosser. This is one of those times. I don¡¯t know if I have the mental


    capacity for more though.


    Oh god, but I won¡¯t rest until he tells me. I hate my brain.


    ¡°What happenedst night?¡± I follow him, not satisfied with vague when I need details and intel, now he


    has set off my bullshit detector. I need to know who was hurt and why it happened. I need to know if


    Alexi is in danger if he leaves this building again, the chances of a repeat. I need to know what


    happened.


    Like it or not, I care about this wanker and I don¡¯t want anything to happen to him. Even if my head


    might actually explode at anything more it has to absorb.


    My stomach is swirling at the thought of a repeat of that agony and it makes my insides tighten with


    anxiety.


    ¡°It was nothing. Went as nned.¡± He dismisses me with a look that¡¯s his normal ¡®conversation over¡¯


    face and I gawp at him. The urge to smack him on the head is curbed instantly and instead I follow him


    a tad aggressively to where he sits down and stand in front of him.


    ¡°As nned? What are you talking about? You knew there would be a shootout?¡± I never once thought


    he would be behind something like that and put himself in the middle of danger. That takes all sorts of


    insane, and I thought he was smarter than that.


    He surely doesn¡¯t mean that, does he?


    Alexi frowns, sighs heavily and sits for a moment, regarding me as though torn about what he should


    tell me. Either that or wondering why I walk around his apartment in see-through ckce scraps of


    satin lingerie when he¡¯s not allowed to touch. I can never tell with his facial expressions, to be honest.


    It could be he¡¯s annoyed that he has to exin himself to me or justify his business actions, but he


    seems to know better than to deny me right now. I move beside him and sit-down, eyeing him up


    usingly and see him relent as he catches my stubborn brow lift. A sign I¡¯m going nowhere without


    answers.


    He sighs heavily. His frustration is evident.


    ¡°I set it up ¡­ it had a purpose. It¡¯s a need to know.¡± He shrugs it off and picks up his cell from the table,


    swiping the screen and I get annoyed, yank it out of his fingers and m it down on the leather couch


    impulsively. Exasperated with the return of King Carrero attitude, I swear he has more personality


    changes than a woman on her period. It¡¯s like he forgets he¡¯s supposed to be keeping me sweet.


    ¡°What in the actual fuck do you mean you set it up? Oh, and you bet your arse I need to fucking know!¡±


    I say it slowly and precisely, rage consuming me that I went through all the worry and agony when he


    could have just told me it was his fucking doing. He could have pre-warned me that he had shit going


    down and was in full control the whole time.


    It takes a serious kind of fucking arsehole to do that to a woman.


    Alexi res at me for my obvious anger at something he did, my nerve at taking his phone and pulls it


    back from the seat. Putting it back on the table in front of us, slowly and precisely to make a point that it


    annoyed him and grits his teeth. He¡¯s pissed that I¡¯m not behaving like a submissive good girl and he


    can¡¯t do shit about it.


    Yeah, tough cookies, sweetheart.


    I¡¯m liking this hold I have over him. Guess it works both ways and I could get used to this.


    ¡°I needed Santagato to owe me, so I could use him to my advantage. He¡¯s not an easy man to get


    under the thumb so it had to be extreme.¡± He nces at me sideways, but I do not move an inch, still


    inwardly seething that I went through that emotional hell and he was the one who ¡®nned¡¯ it. What a


    complete jackass and I wonder if he manipted my upset to see if I gave a shit about the stubborn


    headed wanker.


    I wouldn¡¯t be surprised. I bet it¡¯s why neither he nor Mico would answer my calls.


    Sadistic, self-centred asshole of a man. Honestly, what I see in him ispletely beyond me. I need


    my head examined.


    ¡°By shooting your men?¡± I ask in stupefaction. Wondering how the hell he can choose to sacrifice his


    own family in such a horrible way. Surely, he isn¡¯t that callous.


    ¡°By having someone shoot his son and intervening to save the kid¡¯s life. He owes me now. He owes me


    big.¡±


    I literally drop my jaw and stare at him as though he has two heads, mind blown and unable to put all


    that together in any logical way. Suspicion of underhanded manoeuvring of my emotions dropping


    away. It¡¯s like a sick game between all these powerful men, and yet I¡¯m struggling to figure out how


    shooting Santagato¡¯s son ended up in losing some of his own. My brain is reying some cartoon


    gunfight at the O.K. Corral and imagining flying bullets whizzing past his head in some Al Capone type


    shit.


    ¡°How in the ¡­ do I even want to know? How many of your men died?¡± I swallow, head reeling and just


    blink a lot in his general direction. Adding more weight to my over-saturated brain and I¡¯m amazed I can


    still feel anything anymore.


    ¡°Umm, none. I wouldn¡¯t put them in harm¡¯s way. You want to know then I¡¯ll tell you. If that¡¯s how you


    want this to be; no lies, hiding nothing from you, then I¡¯ll tell you.¡± Alexi sits up straighter and turns to


    face me. Eyes on me and I bite back my anger, confusion at theck of death count, chew on my lip


    and nod at him. If Alexi is capable of transparency, then maybe there is hope for us yet, and I need to


    know why it was whizzing around earpieces that five or six were dead. I¡¯m so confused.


    It¡¯s the reason I thought he was dead. I didn¡¯t imagine it!


    He sighs, a man who doesn¡¯t exin his actions to anyone and yet here he is, having to tell a mere


    woman, the lowest in the pecking order in his world. He tenses that strong jaw and blows out his breath


    in a show of minor frustration before picking up a cushion and pulling it onto hisp to rest his hand on


    top of. Stilling his hands, I guess, and I mentally screw up my nose at our shared trait.


    ¡°Santagato¡¯s son is a piece of shit who murdered a prostitute in cold blood several years back. NYPD


    couldn¡¯t pin it on him and her father, who was a detective at the time, took early retirement. He had a


    breakdown in which he pistol-whipped Marcus Santagato in an interview and developed a drinking


    problem.¡±


    None of this means anything to me so I just sit staring and nod at him. Acting like I give a shit about


    any of these men when I really don¡¯t. I only care about the ones I know who went with him and how


    many Carrero security never came back. Some of those men I knew.


    ¡°He has been lying low for a long time, this cop out there biding his time. A little tip he would be there


    tonight, a gun pushed in the right direction and some rification that Marcus was the man who killed


    her. I knew it would go down, and we were waiting for it.¡± Alexi is in serious mode, looking at my face


    for a reaction as he summarises, very briefly, what sounds like a n that took a lot of setting up and I


    can only sit numbly and take it all in.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°I needed Santagato to owe me for a life. I saved Marcus after he took a shot to the shoulder. Mico and


    I took out detective Lafoy between us, no idea which bullet did the job, maybe both. We saved his son''s


    life and got him out of there fast before NYPD swooped in. With it being an ex-cop, the chief made sure


    we were out before shit hit the fan which is why I made sure he was at dinner. Witness to my


    innocence, and not about to make it public it was one of his own boys in blue that shot at a restaurant


    of rich New York businessmen and innocent bystanders.¡± Alexi lookspletely satisfied with his well-


    executed n, that clever nature and mind on show. I literally spend a second adding all this up in my


    brain and really taking stock of what a genius of a shit he is.


    No mention of casualties either so that means there was an error in the chain of Chinese whispers, and


    I got upset over absolutely nothing. Bloody Jackson and his idiot men. No one died then, except for


    some random ex-copper.


    ¡°You¡¯re insanely devious, you know that, right?¡± I just gawp at the level of smarts this man has and


    can¡¯t get my head around what sort of brain this would take. All the yers falling neatly in ce to get


    them where he wanted them. That takes skill and confidence.


    ¡°I needed the upper hand and now when Santagato reaches out and tries to clear the debt, which he


    will hate hanging over him, I get what I want out of it.¡± Alexi shrugs with one shoulder nonchntly. A


    look of sheer satisfaction that all his eggs are lining up. Pleased with himself that all this came out as


    he wanted it to, even me throwing myself at him. I¡¯m still not convinced that wasn¡¯t part of his overall


    n. He is just too maniptive not to factor it in.


    ¡°Which was what?¡± I blink at him, mind running empty on anything other than making sure the man no


    longer tried to infringe on Alexi¡¯s life.


    ¡°Your immunity. He will nevere after you again for any reason, even if you leave me.¡± Alexi locks


    his eyes on mine and I almost choke with that answer. Eyes widening with the weight of why he set that


    up and I can only blink at him for long seconds. Head unravelling that in one night he has thrown not


    one but two major episodes at me that tantly dere his love. He did factor me into his ns, just


    not in the way I am mentally using him off.


    He did all that to keep me safe.


    He did that for me.


    To ensure I would never be a walking target again where that man is concerned. I can¡¯t even react as


    the realisation hits me hard and shocks me to the core. A warm fuzzy feeling curling up inside of me


    and sending little strange flutters right up to my throat.


    ¡°You¡¯re insane. They could have killed you; you could have been shot.¡± Vision blurring as tears fill my


    eyes at that horrendous realisation, and again, my head is thrown into chaos about what I feel for this


    man.


    ¡°Maybe. I have survived it before, besides, Mico is a fast gunslinger and would throw himself in front of


    a bullet for me so I wasn¡¯t worried.¡± He smiles at that and impulsively I p him across the shoulder for


    making light of something so serious, such is my insta-rage at him. It¡¯s not humorous in any way and


    joking about it is such bad form. My hand instantly stings with the force of punishing the ignorant


    wanker, but he just looks pleased with my violent assault.


    I think he is seriously deranged and in much need of having his head examined, more so than me.


    ¡°That¡¯s not funny. None of this is. You instigated a shooting and put yourself in the path of a crazy


    gunman youplete tosser.¡± I snap at him, voice hoarse with the sheer force of emotion running


    through me. That fear of something happening to the idiot, making my insides ache with an acute type


    of pain that threatens to take my breath away or cause a massive coronary.

 Chapter 145

    Chapter 145


    ¡°I like a little danger, it¡¯s good for the heart.¡± He winks this time, and that gets him a second t handed


    smack of ¡®not amused¡¯ and a cushion swung at his face which he catches and yanks forward, so I¡¯m


    pulled into his face with mine.


    I cough on the fast intake of breath it causes and as he catches me and rights me; wee so close


    we are almost nose to nose and there it is again; the feeling he wants to kiss me and the weaker side


    of me knows she would probably let him.


    ¡°If you didn¡¯t care then it wouldn¡¯t be upsetting you. Seventy-five percent, give or take a few.¡± He winks,


    and that makes me lose my shit all over again and forget anything about fucking kissing. I grab another


    cushion to smother him, swinging it at his head, so not impressed with this. This percentage crap will


    get him maimed and if I find his gun, I will shoot him my fucking self. He just bats it away and smiles at


    me devilishly as I mber back to my previous position.


    ¡®Idiot.¡¯ I snap, annoyed with him thwarting my attack. Riled by his stupidity in putting himself in danger.


    ¡°You¡¯re worth it. Santagato won¡¯t be a problem and I can sleep at night instead of watching you like a


    hawk. All is right in my little world again.¡±


    Smug and stupid. God help me.


    ¡°You¡¯re mentally unstable in the worst kind of way, you know that?¡± I spit it at him usingly, angry that


    he is dense enough to risk his life for moronic things. Annoyed that I do indeed care far too much about


    it, and it probably won¡¯t be thest time he makes such dumb decisions.


    He makes me crazy and throws me off centre. He makes me doubt he could ever truly love someone,


    and then in the next breath, he¡¯s torturing abusers and getting shot at to protect me. My head is so


    screwed up with all of this.


    ¡°Yep.¡± He shrugs again, giving no shits about it and looks annoyingly arrogant as he throws me that full


    charm offensive smile of his. Dimples and all, and I just eye roll at him.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you do the normal things, like choctes and flowers? Hitmen, PI¡¯s and gifting guns are not


    romantic, Alexi.¡± I sigh heavily, sinking back in a dishevelled slouch into the cushions to try and wrap


    my mind around this insane person next to me. A man who thinks torture and shootouts are the way to


    protect his love interest.


    ¡°You don¡¯t like flowers. And you prefer cake.¡± He smirks at me sideways and I roll my eyes hard at him,


    even if it is true. He is such a knob.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be a smart arse, it¡¯s not appropriate timing.¡± I sigh at him, just so done.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want some smoochy soppy asshole who buys you flowers and choctes. You want


    someone who can handle shit, kill your monsters and make sure you¡¯re always safe. A crazy mob boss


    with a steel dragon who would burn down the world for you. One who can take your sassy mouth and


    give as good as he gets.¡±


    A reference to my childish fantasy of a hero riding a fire breathing beast. He really did read every word.


    Alexi slides a hand in mine and pulls my fingers over into hisp to curl up with his, watching me


    intensely, but I don¡¯t object. That craving for his warmth on mine has been swirling deep down and I


    sort of like this. Hand holding was never my thing, but his hands arerge and epassing and


    make me feel nice inside. Still and yet somehow gooey. An affection he doesn¡¯t give often, or not just to


    anyone. Heces his fingers through mine snugly and holds me tight so I cannot even flex them.


    ¡°Thing about dragons is, they sometimes burn you by mistake, just for getting too close. They can¡¯t


    help it; it¡¯s just how they are.¡± So much loaded intent in my statement as I stare at the way his hand


    dwarfs mine. Looking so pale next to that naturally tanned Italian skin and he just smiles it away.


    Missing my point entirely.


    ¡°Just as well I¡¯m not the dragon and merely its master. I would take the heat before I let anything burn


    you again, London. It¡¯s my job to keep you safe.¡±


    That godforsaken pet name, but I don¡¯t really hate it anymore. If he cared all this time, then I guess


    ¡®London¡¯ was always his way of showing me affection.


    How can I hate that?


    It¡¯s his version of sweetheart or darling without being soppy.


    We sit and look at each other for what seems like an eternity, holding hands, weirdly intimate in the dim


    light from the lights in the kitchte, illuminating us a little. Surrounded by shadows and silence in the


    room. My heart beating through my chest in a slow rhythmic timing to the clock on the wall in the eerie


    stillness now we have just stopped. I¡¯m suddenly aware of how right this seems, and it does what it


    does¡ªsends me into panic mode, heart shrivelling, head kicking me back to reality and I instantly feel


    mmy and hemmed in.


    ¡°I should drink my cocoa and try to sleep a little.¡± I pull my hand free, running anytime the air between


    us gets emotionally charged, losing my courage, and he sighs softly. Nodding in defeat and recognising


    that I¡¯m withdrawing from him again. Just too much fear to just let go.


    I get up and walk quickly to where I left what will now be a lukewarm drink, but it doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯ll


    drink it anyway just to not stay and do this anymore. I need to stay guarded and in control, or else I will


    be sucked right back in without really figuring out if it¡¯s what I want.


    He¡¯s too potent.


    ¡°Want to share my bed?¡± He calls after me and I pause, shocked to a standstill and turn to nce at


    him over my shoulder hesitantly. Not sure he actually said that to me.


    ¡°What?¡±


    I think I¡¯m hearing things. Surely Alexi did not just ask me to spend the night with him. I mean, even


    before, he wasn¡¯t one for bed sharing. He was more of a fuck and run and leave you to wake up alone.


    He doesn¡¯t snuggle.


    ¡°We already had sex, so what harm would it do to sleep beside me? I want to wake up beside you for


    the first time. I promise not to take off before you wake up this time.¡± It¡¯s the tiny little hint of uncertainty


    in the normally confident tone that makes me hesitate. It¡¯s not expected, he¡¯s genuinely asking with


    hope. Asking for somethingpletely abnormal for him.


    My face must visibly drop, insides lurching and breathing getsboured at his suggestion as his smile


    fades and he looks instantly apologetic.


    ¡°I know, I know. I¡¯m pushing and not giving you space. This is harder than I thought it would be. I just


    want ¡­ you.¡± Alexi looks defeated, back to that boyish weirdness I¡¯m nowhere near being used to, and


    I shake my head at him. Instantly feeling all kinds of horrible and guilty, even though I have done


    nothing wrong.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a good idea. Not yet anyway. I just want to get my cocoa and sleep in there.¡± I nod


    towards my room, reassuring myself that it is for the best. He runs a hand through his short hair, clearly


    stressed with how this is going, or maybe it¡¯s just his inability to be patient with me. I really shouldn¡¯t be


    surprised, it¡¯s one area he has serious issues with on any day of the week. He has none and his


    impulse control is non-existent at the best of times too.


    ¡°I¡¯m still here. That says something.¡± I point out with a shy smile, trying to make that enough for him for


    now. I can¡¯t handle anything beyond that for the time being. Alexi nods, a little sombrely, but it¡¯s better


    than a guilt trip, and I quickly scoop up my mug and make a run for it before this conversation goes


    around in circles.


    Make an escape before my own niggles and conscience have me heading for the wrong bedroom.


    I finally managed a little sleep after obsessing crazily and turning my head inside out for a few hours.


    Torn about the choice in front of me I never imagined I would ever have.


    Alexi loves me.


    Alexi is offering me something real.


    I think the world has ended and hell has frozen over because I cannot seem to digest this at all.


    I never in a million years would have imagined him of all people, offering me something that only a few


    months ago I had longed for from him. I had been mush at his feet and would have done anything for a


    chance at iming his heart, and now here I stand with exactly that, and it¡¯s like it¡¯s not even real.


    Detached from any sense of reality and floating like a numb blob of confusion in my head.


    My initial reaction to his confession of love was anger because of everything that has gone on between


    us before, and now ¡­ I don¡¯t know anymore. The levels of mistrust and the huge wall of trepidation that


    this man has done so much damage so effortlessly to me is holding me back. My heart is divided.


    I still love him, but I don¡¯t know if I want to be loved by him. Walking that path may just be a repeat of


    the past and a whole lot of misery and pain for me, or it might not be. The Alexi of the past few weeks,


    the past few hours, is aplete change to the one who inflicted so much cruelty before. I don¡¯t know


    what¡¯s real and what is a maniption to manoeuvre me into his arms.


    He really seems like he is trying to reform his ways for me and gain trust, or it could be a world ss


    act fuelled by the information, he has on me now, for his own evil ends.


    I don¡¯t know if he truly is trying to get me to forgive him.


    Can I? I just don¡¯t know. The heart is a funny thing and when you burn it so deeply that it gives up on


    living it¡¯s very hard to convince it to beat again.


    I never thought it would the first time, and how does that old saying go¡ªonce bitten, twice shy. I think


    in my case it¡¯s not just shy but recoiling into the depths of solitude so no one can ever find it again. I¡¯m


    terrified of feeling that profound agony at his hands and will do anything to avoid letting anyone hurt me


    so cruelly again.


    I need a break from my own thoughts because I¡¯m driving myself insane and churning my emotions into


    a messy ball of yuck. There is no other word for the chaotic tangle I find myself in and I need to stop


    turning this over in my mind. I just need a normal day, with mundane tasks downstairs and no thoughts


    beyond that. That would be heaven for a little while.


    I get up, shower and eat breakfast, or lunch should I say as it¡¯s afternoon when I surface, all alone.


    Alexi is nowhere in sight, but the evidence of his being here is. The coffee mug on the drainer and the


    coffee scent in the air from the machine, which is now sparkling clean and empty. The cleaner has


    obviously been up here as it¡¯s all neat and perfect and hides all evidence of a restless and possibly life-


    altering night.


    It¡¯s as though nothing has happened, and my world isn¡¯tpletely jumbled up into an unsure future.


    No sign of emotional fall out and devastating tears from confessions.


    So much rests on whatever decision I make. Life will never be the same no matter which path I choose


    to follow.


    With him, I may either be blissfully content for the rest of my days or end up with a second attempt at a


    bullet to the head. Without him, I may still have a future in this club although I don¡¯t really see how as


    he would never stay away indefinitely, it¡¯s not him to do so, or I might end up back on the streets and


    the worst kind of existence. Everything is so unsure.


    Theundry basket, no doubt, contains my underwear I so carelessly discarded, and my shoes and


    bag are sat neatly on the coffee table for me. My bracelet sits shining like a pretty little beacon and I


    hesitate before picking it up. I threw it here so callously, to sever all ties to him, and now it holds more


    meaning than before. The thought behind the buying it.


    I put it back on after a moment of pause and turn it so I can stroke the charms and push the reason for


    his choice out of my head. I still have a severe connection to this piece of jewellery, maybe more so


    now.


    I meant what I said to himst night; the past is the past and we shall never talk of those journals, my


    life back then, or Rick again¡ªit¡¯s done. It¡¯s like nothing is amiss and nothing altered the world at all on


    the surface, and that¡¯s how I want it for today.


    Except everything is different today and I can¡¯t stop churning it over and over in my mind with both


    tion and trepidation. My entire future is at a crossroads that could upend it all.


    Alexi told me he loves me. He wants me.


    I never knew those three little words could fill me with such all-consuming terror.


    I wish it could have been like in the movies when the hero finally admits his love to the wronged girl,


    and she falls into his arms and they kiss all the pain away, and we all know it¡¯s an inevitable happy ever


    after.


    That¡¯s how it¡¯s meant to go, right?


    Not this weird wave of apprehension and fear and running away because the man has already shown


    you, he has the power to crush you to nothing. And the cold heart to follow through. I never knew love


    could be such a huge, terrifying step.


    I can¡¯t look through it all and see hope for a different ending. I trust nothing about him, and my sanity is


    stopping me from blindly throwing myself in the deep end once more. I¡¯m not as na?ve this time around


    and so madly in love with him that I will let myself be mauled by wolves at his hands, just to be close to


    him. This time I know I need to protect myself, and he needs to show me that I can trust him with my


    vulnerable soul before he gets even an inch closer to it.


    I don¡¯t know how the hell he will pull that off.


    Maybe he¡¯s right and a date, or just spending time together, might help unravel my crazy thoughts and


    let me observe him a little more closely. Study him and try to gauge what¡¯s true and what¡¯s not.


    If I can just stop that impulsive desire to run away from him any time he touches me or gets too close;


    my heart hammering through my chest painfully, and an inability to breathe when he is beside me. I¡¯m


    pretty sure that is not the desired response when beside a man who wants to build a rtionship with


    you.


    Do I believe him?


    Part of me does, part of me doesn¡¯t. He has almost done a three-sixty turn around since I left, and


    there is still a huge part of me that doesn¡¯t understand how someone can change so drastically towards


    a person, even though I know he had my journals. Even though he had a lot of time thinking things


    through and learning a lot about me I wish he didn¡¯t know.


    Unless it¡¯s all just a clever part of a bigger game and it¡¯s all lies.


    Then there is the Rick confession, and well, I did not see thating at all, and to be honest, I don¡¯t


    think I had the brain capacity to take it in when he told me. I was at saturated levels of emotion and it


    was one more block to a pile of scattered bricks that I couldn¡¯t put together. Today, however, I¡¯m pulling


    that little titbit out of my head and I¡¯m really examining what he said.


    He didn¡¯t just track down the man who abused me and screwed me up for all eternity; he didn¡¯t just find


    him and put a bullet in his head and end his reign of terror on young girls across Hackney. He said he


    made him suffer.


    I don¡¯t know if I want to know exactly what he means by that, but knowing how sadistic Alexi can be, I


    don¡¯t doubt it was bad.


    These are the parts of him I need to know more about if I have a chance of anything. How can I trust a


    man who has so many levels of both good and evil when I don¡¯t know the half of it? Where one stops


    and one starts, where it all ends. Where his boundaries lie in terms of what he can do to me if things


    fall apart.


    I need to know how far it goes, where his cut-off point is, and what to expect of his worst side if I am


    ever to feel any sort of trust or safety with him. I need to know if he feels any kind of pleasure or guilt


    from those kinds of acts and if he would turn on me again if I anger him.


    I need to know if Alexi really is a psychopath. If he can feel genuine remorse for things he does. Or if it


    is all an act to appear human.


    I think that¡¯s a very important fact to know about a man. And what a rtionship to him would entail. I


    mean, I know he can be a controlling bastard and overwhelmingly aggressive and hostile. He dishes


    out punishments and biting, wounding words without a thought. I know nothing about the psyche or


    behaviours of such people or what is normal for them. I may have to google ¡®how do I know if my lover


    is a psychopath?¡¯ to get some sort of clue on this.


    A guide to living with a serial killer for dummies.


    It¡¯s so not funny.


    Would I be willingly delivering myself to someone who would entrap me with love and then torture my


    sanity right back out of me all over again, or would owning his heart make a difference?


    Can crazy killers feel deep love?


    There is so much uncertainty with a man like Alexi. He isn¡¯t a straight-up simple male. He has about a


    millionyers ofplexity and a lot of dark hidey holes in that soul of his. I need to see what it is I¡¯m


    getting myself into if I take a leap of faith. I¡¯m no match for him. The first round between us taught me


    that.


    If he isn¡¯t some emotionless loopy fruit cake with a penchant towards snubbing out life, then what the


    hell is he? A mob boss bound by responsibility and numbed by the things he has had to do over the


    years? Like a trained soldier who kills to protect and hides the effect it has on him?


    I see no remorse or tortured soul in those empty eyes of his, so I doubt he experiences guilt.


    Jesus Christ Cami ¡­ what the fuck have you got yourself into?


    I had to go and fall in love with New York¡¯s most dangerous man, and now he¡¯s trying to bind us


    together for eternity. I really need to figure this shit out and learn who he really is all over again.


    The Alexi I thought I knew, was only a tiny part of a bigger picture.


    I need to be smart about this.


    This decision will alter the rest of my life. I don¡¯t doubt that if I give him a chance and see if this can


    work, then my life will be short-lived if it falls apart. I know too much, and I would be a liability. He


    couldn¡¯t just let me go all over again if we fail. He would have to kill me. That¡¯s the norm for his world


    when women try to walk away.


    That puts a new nt on my decision and adds about ten times the weight.

 Chapter 146

    Chapter 146


    I venture down to the club, wearing a simple back fitted shift dress over ck ts with my hair up in a


    sleek ponytail. Understated m today and simple with natural makeup, which isn¡¯t my normal forte. I


    feel like a change, and to blend in a little, rather than my bold and brassy self. Low key to match my


    fragile mood, I guess.


    I don¡¯t know if he is still in the building, but I¡¯m hoping we don¡¯t cross paths for a little while. I need


    some normal to get my flow back and settle down after the past hugely traumatic and crazy twenty-four


    hours.


    I can almost feel the calm and serene emanating from the club as staff work to put it to rights for


    tonight. The drama ofst night forgotten because no Carrero men were harmed. The missing three


    had been Alexi, Mico and driver because the chief of police had sent them off ahead of the rest to miss


    out on the drama that followed. Gossips all over the club are whispering about it in dark corners and


    clearing up the misunderstandings. So much confusionst night from garbled, chaotic messages, but


    today it¡¯s like a peaceful nket has dampened it all down again.


    Everyone back to business and carrying on with their duties like old hands who never blink at the


    asional shooting in a public ce.


    I¡¯m avoiding the news because I know for a fact it will be all over it and spewing whatever cover story


    the chief of the NYPD has put out there. The level of corruption in Alexi¡¯s world is insane and destroys


    my faith in humanity.


    He can literally get away with murder, which is a terrifying thought.


    I wonder how he pulled that off in London with Rick. I¡¯m guessing he has friends all over the globe who


    band together and pull in favours for the right price, and I know from when I lived there, London has its


    own underground crime scene and rich mob bosses. I have no doubts he has a few English Mafia as


    reliable friends across the water. Alexi is a man with a lot of connections and a reach that travels far.


    He can do whatever he wants, and his power has no limits. Such is the reality that most normal people


    have no concept of.


    What¡¯s one little paedophile pimp¡¯s death to them?


    Absolutely nothing more than a small favour for a powerful chum. The same world in which minions


    disappear daily only to be found in concrete boots nestled among the shoals of fish nibbling away at


    their flesh.


    The whole thing makes my head spin.


    People in the real world have no clue about this alternate existence that carries on right under their


    noses. The daily deals and deaths and the inscrutable characters who think nothing of selling people,


    arms and drugs, and get away with all sorts of heinous mischief. I have been part of that world for so


    long I doubt I could ever live in another. It¡¯s there in the smiles of powerful men you think you can trust.


    Mayors, Police chiefs, respected businessmen and so many more. They are where the real power lies.


    Money talks and human life is cheap.


    I don¡¯t see myself being able to transition from that kind of experience and knowledge to be Suzie


    Homemaker. Raising brats and baking cookies in that fantasy world where everything is hunky dory.


    That¡¯s not what I see for myself and it¡¯s not what I want, not that I can have it. I don¡¯t want to pretend I


    have no clue about the dark side of the world, and I don¡¯t want to try to fit into the pretend y either. I


    don¡¯t know what Alexi wants in a woman, but I won¡¯t be tied down to be his trophy or kept with


    nothing to do all day except buy shoes and max his credit cards. There will be no mini Alexis in my


    future anyway, Rick took care of that and it¡¯s something Alexi must know if he read the journals but


    didn¡¯t mention it.


    I want to have control over what I do. I want pride in some aplishment and focus in life. The club


    gives me that, but I have an ambition that grows even further. I want something respectable, so I don¡¯t


    have to hide the title of what I do or avoid normal conversations with people in Alexi¡¯s public world, who


    know nothing of seedy sex clubs and drug-fuelled nights of debauchery.


    I want something semi-eptable. Something that takes me away from abhorrent sexual favours and


    leering perverts. I¡¯m tired of always feeling dirty. I need something reputable.


    A normal night club or a glitzy hotel job would be good, something tomand. I¡¯ve always been good


    at overseeing, organising and managing. I guess it¡¯s my only real gift in life, and being able to wine,


    dine and schmooze people to what I want has only added to that ability. I¡¯ve learned how to read and


    predict people¡¯s needs and it¡¯s a skill that only those who have lived a life of servitude can ever truly


    learn. I learned it at the school of hard knocks and know the power of keeping people sweet in any line


    of work. Well, until Alexi. I really could not make myself bend to his will at all.


    Alexi saw it long before I did. He picked up on what I could do for him and he was right. The club is


    rolling along fluidly and raking in around 100 G a week from memberships alone. It has people begging


    to get in on it, and with the extra cash they throw at our girls, security for product extras and servers in


    tips, we don¡¯t have a shortage of staff anymore. Everyone wants to work in this club, and everyone


    wants to be a part of the Carrero party. Word is filtering through to anyone worthy that they need to be


    involved, and Alexi already mentioned moving the entire club to bigger amodation to cater to his


    growing member¡¯s list as something he would need to think about. His club uptown that we visited for a


    refurb may be on his shortlist as a new venue, and I can¡¯t say I won¡¯t be sad. This ce works because


    of location and size, and if he expands, I¡¯m hoping he keeps both and runs them simultaneously or my


    share will be worthless.


    I have created a little nook of awesome and it¡¯s slowly paying Alexi back the cash he has invested in it.


    I don¡¯t want him to outgrow it or the need for me to run it.


    The main bar is busy with minions, running around wiping down surfaces, restocking and hoovering.


    It¡¯ste in the day so they are almost done with the ritual clean up and I can only see the regr


    security milling around. I bypassed the office floor in case he was in there and now I¡¯m looking for him,


    stupidly.


    I wish my brain would pick a side and stick to it. I don¡¯t want to see him and then when I can¡¯t see him, I


    suddenly want to. I should just go chain myself to him, I¡¯m pathetic enough.


    I watch one of the bar girls meticulously inspecting shelves and wiping them down before giving her co-


    worker hell for missing some grubby spots and my attention is peaked. I¡¯ve noticed her attention to the


    details a few times and her eagerness to keep on top of orders and customer satisfaction. Her name is


    Rebel from what I can remember, only stuck out to me because of its meaning, but now, as I watch her,


    a little n forms in my head for a possible Hoe-Anne recement and it puts a smile all over my face.


    She¡¯s smart, meticulous in her own appearance and looks more hostess than waitress if she had the


    right dress on. She isn¡¯t afraid to put others in their ce and has a little spark of Cami that doesn¡¯t


    offend me. I also am not offended by her and she treats me with respect.


    ¡°Miss me?¡± Alexi¡¯s voicees at me from far left as though I¡¯d summoned him magically with intent,


    and I jump guiltily when I turn to see him walking out from one of the boudoirs with Mico behind him


    andpletely forget about Rebel.


    ¡°You two have something to confess?¡± I nod at the sex room, Mico is closing and smile wittily as Alexi


    frowns at me. That look of zero amusement when I make gay jokes at him or any of his kinsmen. I


    swear the boy is secretly a homophobe.


    ¡°How do you know we weren¡¯t having a threesome?¡± Alexi retorts with a smirk and I just continue to


    smile back. Although a little flutter in my stomach reminds me that this man has more power over me


    than I like to admit. I know he is joking but still, it stirs the little green-eyed monster in my belly. I don¡¯t


    like his joke when it cuts to close to the bone.


    ¡°Because the girls don¡¯t start until four, so unless it involved one of your big burly men ¡­¡± That gets a


    deeper frown from him, severe furrowed brow and wrinkled nose, and he slides an arm around my


    shoulders casually and tugs me to walk with him. Annoyingly intrusive and stronger than the average


    man, so I have no choice but to fall in step with him and re at his hands-on approach.


    ¡°We were having a private chat away from ears and the rooms are soundproofed.¡± He offers in way of


    answer and continues to keep walking me right back out of the bar without asking if I want to


    apany him. It¡¯s odd that suddenly, he thinks the touching rule has changed, but I guess I did fuck


    that up by having sex with him yesterday.


    He sees it as an amended situation, I guess. No touching died with the no sex. He has another thing


    coming if he thinks sex is on repeat anytime soon. That is one area I was stupid to cross over into and


    have no intention of going there until I figure out what I want from us.


    ¡°Yet they are filmed, with sound. So, you know, your security could still hear you.¡± I remind him and get


    that nk look that serves to remind me that his security now only reallyprises of people in his


    bloodline, after our little invasion and attempted kidnapping some months back. He trusts them and so


    conversations overheard are safe. It¡¯s just my floor staff he avoids.


    ¡°You look pretty.¡± Alexi cuts in and changes conversation smoothly, obviously bored with the one we


    are having and Micoes up level with us.


    ¡°I second that.¡± He smiles at me warmly; a familiar looming presence, looking enough like his cousin to


    see they are rted, with their dark hair, Italian good looks, smouldering eyes and overly muscr


    stature. They are wearing matching dark suits and standard issue Mafia overcoats before stepping


    ahead to open the rear door and Alexi finally lets me go. Not following Mico immediately out of it but


    turns to face me instead and makes it clear this is where our littlepanion walk ends. He has


    somewhere to go and they are leaving. Hence the heavy jackets as it¡¯s now getting into a colder


    season in the city and heavy snow is due in theing few weeks. My insides sink a little; he has only


    just appeared and now, he is going. So much for wanting a day to myself, my stupid heart is


    contradicting it and I feel pathetic.


    ¡°Have dinner with me tonight?¡± He swoops right in with the request; no hint of hesitation and I sigh at


    him heavily. As much as I don¡¯t want him to go, my stubborn pride is not willing to be bent to his will so


    easily. We went through this and he has learned nothing.


    ¡°Alexi ¡­ you¡¯re infuriating. Like a dog with a bone.¡± I cross my arms over my chest, stand tall and adopt


    a no-nonsense expression. I stare at him with a very snooty pout. I only get a smile in response and he


    brushes a single strand of my hair back off my face that ignites the usual goosebumps and tingles, and


    I curse my wretched traitorous body. The tender affection knocks me off guard but doesn¡¯tpletely


    soften me to him.


    ¡°I know what I want, and I don¡¯t like wasting time when it falls into ce. You lit a fire under my ass and


    now I have my sights set on us.¡± The stubborn set of that very square jaw and no hint of soft this


    afternoon. He has his one-track mind engaged, bull-headed demeanour on and there¡¯s no sweet and


    loving in sight.


    ¡°What about what I want?¡± I look away from him, too caught up in that set of alluring pale eyes that


    draw you in and hold you captive, aware my heart is stammering again. He easily affects me and when


    he¡¯s inmander and chief air space, he is too efficient in manoeuvring me. I have no chance with


    this man as it is, God forbid I be so enamoured with him and steeped in his binds that I have no


    way out.


    ¡°Trust me, if I didn¡¯t care about what you want, this would go a whole different way. Just a date, Cam.


    I¡¯m not talking about anything else; no sex, strings, weird shit, or games. Just dinner, anywhere you


    choose, some time away from here. I want you to give me a chance that¡¯s all.¡± Alexi, boorish and single


    minded, bearing down on me with a loaded look and I relent, cracking so easily under pressure. I hate


    when he makes me feel anxious, but it¡¯s my own weak nature and my longing to see him for more than


    these few stolen seconds that truly makes me cave. If he wasn¡¯t walking out the door, I probably


    wouldn¡¯t be panic deciding. I¡¯m literally torn in two about agreeing.


    ¡°You know if you refuse, I¡¯ll just follow you around all night and make tonight a living hell.¡± He adds with


    a devilish smile that just elicits an eye roll and a sigh from me.


    I know he would do that, specifically to annoy the shit out of me.


    ¡°What makes you think I care? I can ignore you.¡±


    ¡°Can you? I can be really invasive when I want to be, and we both know you hate distractions when


    working the floor. Besides, you cried when you thought I was dead. I know you care and you¡¯re still


    here, so I have more leverage than I thought I did.¡± Smirking like a smug deviant, but I¡¯m not caving


    that easily. Even if he is right.


    ¡°I cry when I break a nail, dahling. Really doesn¡¯t hold much weight. And I¡¯m only still here as I love my


    job and wasn¡¯t really in the mood for a new start. It was cold out.¡± It¡¯s an attempt to dodge what he


    already knows, and he is clearly not buying it.


    ¡°You care about me, even if you can¡¯t admit it. Last night said it all and I¡¯m not about to back down and


    act like I didn¡¯t tell you how I felt. You¡¯re right, I¡¯m a dog with a bone when I want something and it¡¯s


    yourpany tonight, whether you agree or not. So, don¡¯t count on getting any work done.¡±


    Hardly the most romantic of propositions from a bossy sod with his mind set on what he wants, but


    what do I expect? It¡¯s him after all.


    ¡°Is this the arrogance I can expect from now on? Thinking you know what¡¯s going on in my head and


    using it to bully your way through?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not bullying, I¡¯m giving you the option. Date or stalker ¡­ it¡¯s that simple.¡± He grins at his own


    deviousness and all I can do is exhale heavily, nce heaven wards for strength and ept the


    inevitable. He was never easy to live with before and now he will simply be the same unbearable brute,


    except with his mind set on pushing me to spend time with him. I think I liked him more when he spent


    half his life avoiding me.


    ¡°Okay! You¡¯re not funny you know, even if you think you are.¡± I almost snap it at him, frustrated that he


    knows how to corner me and harass me into shit when I still feel all messy brained. I¡¯m useless.


    ¡°That¡¯s a matter of opinion.¡±


    I don¡¯t even dignify that with a response, just straight to my demands to regain a little control here.


    ¡°Not a restaurant or anywhere where you have fucked the staff.¡± I raise a brow at him sarcastically,


    looking for a little bad mood to wound that cocky attitude and this time it pulls a heavy exhale from him.


    He¡¯s not amused with the dig but it¡¯s not sparking a fight either. He just looks slightly irritated.


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t intentional. I was trying to let you in on parts of me that no one else gets to see and it


    backfired. So, nowhere that I have any ties, past or present. Understood.¡±


    That surprises me a little, but I don¡¯t dwell on it. I should remember how good he is at coercing you to


    feel what he wants you to feel.


    ¡°Yeah, well, I would rather not have some scrawny old conquest salivating over you and ruining my


    food. I¡¯m also in no mood for dressing it up and acting proper. I want to chill a little tonight and get my


    head back together, so make ns on those details.¡± If he expects me to cuddle up all smiles and


    charm and act like an amorous date, he has another thinging. He wants to pursue me, then he can


    deal with whatever moodes with him pushing me into it. I will also not be putting on a face, heels


    or a dress and he can deal with a casually attired woman who can¡¯t be arsed with five-star behaviour


    and multiple cutlery. I need simplicity tonight.


    ¡°So where to?¡± Alexi nces back over his shoulder and I know he¡¯s probably getting antsy that he


    needs to go. Mico out there with the car running already, no doubt. Waiting patiently because he is a


    gem who seems happy to see us working things out. Alexi only likes to bete when it is of his


    choosing.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I have never actually been on a real date in my life. Maybe something normal, like


    average people do, and not flights to Miami to hang out in billionaire nightclubs where you have the


    urge to beat people.¡± I smirk at that little dig and get a full-blown smile right back at me, dimples and all,


    which do funny things to my insides. No remorse whatsoever at me bringing up that little ck mark


    against him. Not that he has ever exined that night, and that¡¯s still a conversation to be had.


    ¡°So, no violence, sex buddies, shing the cash and extravagant venues? Leave it with me. I really


    need to go.¡± He leans in surprisingly fast and nts a chaste kiss on my cheek that startles me. I hate


    that he ignored all my veiled attempts at getting a rise out of him and threw them off with humour and


    nonchnce. No rising to my bait and showing his mean side.


    Dickhead.


    He doesn¡¯t wait around though, just a wink and a cheesy, satisfied smile and he¡¯s off, rushing out the


    door like a man on a mission, and I¡¯m left hanging in the hall wondering how the hell he just coerced


    me into spending time with him on a date, even while telling myself I needed time out. Or that I¡¯m left


    gawping after him, feeling disappointed and listless because he is leaving me here.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    Arsehole.


    He simply storms in and takes over everything, and it is annoyingly effective. He truly is like a tornado


    who just sweeps through and leaves everything in carnage.


    I¡¯m not prettying myself up, wearing something sexy or doing anything to make him think he has earned


    anything from me. I want food, time out of this building and then I wille home, ditch him in the living


    room and go to work. If he thinks anything beyond that is happening, he can go find someone else to


    fuck. I won¡¯t care ¡­


    Much.


    Okay, that¡¯s a lie. I will care and probably stab him and her to death with my stilettos should he be that


    stupid.


    Until I suss him out a hell of a lot more and pull apart any ulterior motives in his decision that I am what


    he wants, then he¡¯s getting nothing in return. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a damn thing.


    My presence, mypany, but fuck all else until I get my bearings and figure out if he truly is being


    honest with me. The second he makes me ufortable or shows any hint of screwing with me, I¡¯m


    gone.


    His club, his apartment, all of it. I will leave it all behind without a second thought to save myself.


    I¡¯m not ying stupid this time and gambling with my heart. I won¡¯t allow myself to get to that point of


    desperation where I feel I have no other choice than putting his gun to my head.


    ¡°You okay?¡± Jackson''s voice startles me from behind and I turn to meet that happy, loving faceing


    towards me down the hall. My gentle giant, the carer and protector I would be lost without nowadays.


    He is the mood lightener I need in Alexi¡¯s absence.


    ¡°Just fine.¡± I throw him my genuine big, warm smile and slide my arm into his when he¡¯s next to me.


    The calm to my day and someone I never have to dissect or second guess. His only motives in life are


    doing his job, which is keeping me safe and angling to go for food at every opportunity.


    ¡°You want to go out before tonight starts?¡± He asks his usual daily question as we have got into a


    routine of going out for some shopping or sorbet to escape this ce for an hour or two before show


    time. I havee to depend on my little Jackson time outside of ¡®Carrernd¡¯. The boy just wants


    treats.


    ¡°I suppose a little shoe shopping couldn¡¯t hurt. Maybe pick up an ice-cream or two.¡± I grin when his face


    lights up like the proverbial puppy dog he can be. Jackson loves nothing more than junk food, and I


    long ago learned that if you ply him with it before the shopping excursion, then he will happily sit for as


    long as he takes to eat it while I shop in peace.


    ¡°Lead the way Lady Cami. I heard they have two new vours this week at Ample Hills Creamery to


    try.¡± He knows it¡¯s my favourite parlour in Midtown Manhattan and is close to some of my usual


    boutiques. Killing three birds with one stone. Satisfying my shopping and junk food cravings and taking


    my mind off Master Carrero and tonight¡¯s date.


    ¡°Okay but we can¡¯t have a long outing today, I have dinner with our lord and master before the club


    opens.¡± That doesn¡¯t leave me long to go out,e back to oversee prep and get ready. It¡¯s just as


    well I¡¯m putting no effort into the date then, isn¡¯t it?


    He nods and mock bows, not even blinking that I would have ns with Alexi, before leading the way


    to the elevator so I can hop upstairs for my bag and jacket and it puts me in a much better mood.


    Maybe giving me Jackson as my shadow and personal bodyguard wasn¡¯t the worst thing Alexi could


    have done for me. He chose someone sweet, patient and trustworthy. A big cuddly bear who would


    take a bullet for me, and again, it adds to the level of honesty in what Alexi says he feels for me.


    He is always protecting me, and he picked Jackson based on what he thought I needed, not just an


    intimidating silent bodyguard who keeps me under lock and key. He gave me someone to trust,


    someone to call a friend. A reason to feel less alone in his big old empty club and someone to rely on


    when he was not here to keep watch himself. Alexi always has reasons behind every choice he makes,


    and I¡¯m seeing the evidence of his care in the choices he made for me on my return.


    Maybe he isn¡¯t so bad, and tonight I should give him a little benefit of the doubt. Lighten up a little and


    take each hour as ites. Maybe turn down the frosty dial, rx and try to have a little fun. Stop


    overthinking and start paying attention to the small details that tell me he has a heart after all.

 Chapter 147

    Chapter 147


    I throw my third sexy dress on the bed and slump down in a deted heap, annoyed with myself that


    I¡¯m doing exactly what I said I wouldn¡¯t do. Prettying myself up for him and stressing over how to dress


    and what to wear like some sad little teenage idiot on a first date. I can¡¯t believe myself sometimes.


    He texted me and told me to be ready for six and to dress casually. Whatever that means. Ironic really,


    as that was my original n; to show ack of effort and now, here I am with a bed full of dresses and


    he is the one telling me to dress down.


    I don¡¯t know if he means casual pretty for somewhere like his Italian restaurant or if he means jeans


    and sweater casual. I¡¯m not asking him because then he will think I¡¯m keen for tonight and I¡¯m definitely


    not. This is my first stage of observing and analysing him. Spend time, suss him out and look for all the


    little acts and niggles that cement whether this is genuine.


    I need to be sure I¡¯m not being yed, once and for all. Tonight will tell me that, and then maybe if I can


    suss it out, it will make the decision a whole lot easier.


    That¡¯s about as far as I have got with my ns, anyway. y along, be nice, rile him asionally, and


    try to figure him out. Shouldn¡¯t be too hard to tell if it¡¯s fake with some well-ced button pushes to see


    if his mean side is sleeping or just hiding from me. Alexi can act demure and charming all he wants, but


    the proof of the pudding and all that is when I make him lose his temper with me. It¡¯s easy to poke that


    bear¡ªdisobedience or just flout the ownership buttons and boom. We have ourselves an Alexi


    meltdown and immediate sadistic appearance with that temper he struggles to control.


    A necessary evil to see how different he really can be. If I have to endure being punished to see him for


    what he really is then at least I¡¯ll know what my future would be like. I can run and never look back, with


    no doubt that I was saving myself from a lot of heartache.


    I pull on another figure-hugging dress and nce at my clock, cursing myself that it¡¯s almost six and he


    will show up at any minute. Picking a long jumper dress over skinny jeans, to look like I made zero


    effort, I re-brush my hair back into its sleek ponytail and turn it into a messy bun. I¡¯m going for the ¡®I just


    threw this on and forgot we had ns¡¯ kind of look, finished with a scarf and ts.


    Not my normal ensemble on any given day, but this is not any normal day. And I won¡¯t admit I have


    been fussing with my appearance for almost two hours, driving myself insane with nerves and


    indecision.


    I touch up my neutral makeup and apply a lip gloss rather than my trademark red lip and scrutinise


    myself a little too closely. Obsessing, and I know I¡¯m doing it because my nerves are on high alert and I


    feel ridiculously uncertain.


    I look young, pretty girl, almost college student. Not sure I like the look but it¡¯s definitely not screaming


    seduction of any sort, and I think at the back of my mind, that¡¯s what I was aiming for in reality. I don¡¯t


    look like I normally do and part of me wants to see if it makes a difference to him. Does a non-sexy and


    slutty Cami still make him want to nail me?


    Sex is a NO. It¡¯s the one area where I¡¯m not willing to leave myself vulnerable again. Yesterday was


    stupid and if he truly wants something between us, he will ept I¡¯m taking it off the table, effective


    immediately. No end date in sight for the time being either. I can make do with BOB should I get horny,


    and well, I already know he hits the spot every time. You can¡¯t beat a battery-operated boyfriend in


    times of need.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    I walk out of my room, adjusting my jumper as hees strolling in, right on time, looking unusually


    happy and bright and smiling my way. Alexi has gone full-on casual and I¡¯m bitterly disappointed that


    he won¡¯t blink twice at my attire. He¡¯s in grey washed jeans and a tight blue T-shirt under a ck


    leather jacket and a pair of leather boots. Completely casual and now I¡¯m the one annoyed he didn¡¯t


    make more effort. He doesn¡¯t even look like he shaved and is sporting stubble on that normally clean-


    shaven face.


    I have hit an alternate dimension.


    It¡¯s more Gino¡¯s style than Alexi¡¯s. If it wasn¡¯t for that dragon tattoo peeking out at his cor and those


    grey husky eyes looking my way, I would swear the wrong twin was up here.


    ¡°You look cute.¡± He smiles at me as he bypasses and goes straight into his room without any appraisal.


    I swear it¡¯s three words no woman ever wants to hear from the mouth of the man she¡¯s dating.


    What the fuck is cute when ites to men?


    Puppies are cute! Kid sisters are CUTE!


    Women you want to bang senseless are never CUTE!


    What the hell is with me? I seem to have more moods than a psycho with PMS and need to get a grip. I


    dressed down to annoy him, then get pissed because he did too, and now I¡¯m getting hormonal and


    sulky because he called me cute. I swear I need a Xanax or something to level my emotions out.


    If this is what a love confession from Alexi does to you, then maybe I should feign a headache and go


    to bed. I can feel disaster brewing with how weird I¡¯m being and should really admit defeat before


    tonight ends in tears.


    I thought him being ¡®off¡¯ would be my biggest hurdle, but it looks like this is all on me.


    He reappears carrying a set of keys in one hand and a messenger bag in the other and I look him up


    and down quizzically. Student chic seems to be catching and I¡¯m not sure I like it on him.


    ¡°You¡¯ll need a warm jacket; we¡¯re taking my bike.¡± He pulls his bag over his head, still not making any


    real attempt at checking me out and zips up his jacket while nodding towards my room, and I stare at


    him.


    ¡°Your what?¡± My jaw drops open and my insides instantly flutter and die. Fear clearly evident on my


    face with widening eyes and a startled expression. I hope to God he doesn¡¯t mean one we pedal, not


    that either option is better than the other. A petrol guzzling version has never been on my list of things


    to experience in my life. I have sanity.


    ¡°My bike ¡­ motorbike. I have a very nice one and it¡¯s handy for small streets and casual dates.¡± He


    grins and throws me that irritating wink before turning me and giving me a gentle shove to my room,


    dismissing the look of horror on my face and being a little pushy in the process.


    ¡°Oh, and maybe take your hair down, the helmet will only fuck it up and make it ufortable to wear.¡±


    ¡°Helmet?¡± I squeak and instantly feel faint. A cold wash of weakness oveing me.


    ¡°Well, you could go without, but brain smear on the sidewalk isn¡¯t a good look if we crash.¡± The tone of


    his voice is way too serious and I sh back an rmed gasp his way. Eyes wide with terror and my


    heart stops beating.


    ¡°Oh, my God! CRASH?¡± I swear he is trying to terrify me, and I¡¯m frozen to the spot, gawping like a


    fool, skin turning cold withck of blood that just pulls an evilugh out of him. Mr Sadistic is still in


    there.


    ¡°Jesus Christ, do you seriously have zero faith in me? I wouldn¡¯t take my bike if I thought I would end


    up killing you, Cam. Now move.¡± He shoves me again and this time I trip over my doorway and half jog


    inside to grab whatever coat seems to have the most padding. Clumsy but distracted and thinking only


    of skidding along the road to certain death and leaving the imprint of my face on the concrete. I try to


    shake that visual out of my head, but my hands are already mmy and my heart bursting out of my


    ribcage. I¡¯m not sure I want to get on a motorcycle. I¡¯ve never sat on one in my life and didn¡¯t even


    know he owned one, let alone rode them.


    It just seems like a stupid thing to do on purpose, and I cannot understand what would possess anyone


    to want to do it.


    ¡°You are like ¡­ an aplished biker, right?¡± I stammer as Ie back out, sounding like a total


    wimp, voice trembling lightly, pulling on my own leather jacket that¡¯s a lot longer than his. Praying it


    covers all vital organs and saves me from certain death should I meet tarmac up close. I feel sick with


    churning nerves and already picking at my zipper nervously.


    ¡°Very.¡± He ignores the obvious fear in my voice, catches me by the hand firmly and pulls me with him.


    Not waiting to check if hand holding is something we are doing and yanking me like a disobedient


    younger sibling who won¡¯t do as they are told. Seems he thinks it is as heces his fingers through


    mine securely so I can¡¯t escape him, and I¡¯m pulled with him at a brisk pace that gets a re thrown at


    the back of his head.


    ¡°Wait. I don¡¯t have my bag or my phone. I don¡¯t have keys or money or anything.¡± I stop, getting my arm


    tugged with my rapid pause and he yanks me a little more firmly with him, so I yelp and almost fall over.


    I frown at him angrily. Alexi doesn¡¯t even seem to notice my hateful re, and he isn¡¯t exactly being


    chivalrous in the first minutes of what is meant to be a romantic date.


    Arsehole.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need anything, just you.¡± I get a warm smile thrown back at me and I¡¯m once again hauled


    behind him, rather aggressively for a guy attempting charm and adoration. I try to wriggle my hand free,


    but he holds on tighter and shes me that look of his that says, ¡®keep trying, I¡¯m not letting go¡¯. Hints of


    that controlling prick lurking under the friendly persona, and I narrow my eyes and put one ck cross


    on my mental list for tonight. He earns a few of those on this ¡®date¡¯ and he will see thest of me.


    Wanker.


    I can strike ¡®gentle¡¯ off the list too then. Seems that part is not longsting. Being manhandled like a


    piece of meat is not my idea of romantic wooing. He has a lot to learn about schmoozing me into a


    better mood after this.


    I get pulled at a brisk pace to the lift, where I¡¯m silenced with a chaste kiss thrown on my lips when he


    turns me beside him. Right before he punches in the ground floor button. It¡¯s so rapid I cannot object


    nor take part; a grazing of lips much like the one in the kitchenst night, and he gets a pointed look so


    frosty I could freeze the air in here.


    ¡°You know kissing me isn¡¯t really the done thing when we aren¡¯t actually a thing.¡± I point out ndly.


    Another ck cross on my mental list of first date misdemeanours.


    ¡°Well, yesterday I had my dick inside you, so I¡¯m guessing it¡¯s not really a step too far to do it.¡± I get that


    cheeky arrogant smirk and I p him in the shoulder impulsively.


    ¡°Alexi! That¡¯s crude and not very gentlemanly. You¡¯re a prick and not doing a great job of making me


    want to date you.¡± I huff and get even more annoyed when that smirk turns into a wider grin, amused at


    me. He rests his shoulder against the back wall casually and shrugs.


    ¡°Look, I¡¯m expecting sex to be a no-go, considering you were like a speed runner right after. At least


    give me kissing, within reason. As for wanting to date me ¡­ looks like you¡¯re here anding with me,


    so I have no worries on that front.¡±


    Arghh, PRICK!


    ¡°When did this be a negotiation? We had a no touching rule, remember? And it¡¯s hard not to go


    out with you when you are dragging me along like a stroppy toddler.¡± I point out harshly.


    ¡°Once again ¡­ my dick, inside you yesterday. I think that pretty much neutralises that arrangement.¡±


    He shrugs again, in a manly, smug manoeuvre, and I wonder why I tolerate this man; he truly is a shit.


    ¡°Is this your idea of wooing me? Not very romantic are you!¡±


    ¡°Are we having this same conversation again? I can do flowers and choctes and sickeningly sweet


    terms of endearment if you like, but then I won¡¯t exactly be making myself transparent and as honest as


    I can for you. It would be fake, and I thought the idea was to gain your trust by letting you in. No more


    masks. No acts, no games. The real us.¡±


    He finally trails his eyes up and down my outfit although no visible facial expressions to tell if he still


    thinks I¡¯m fuckable like this. Not that I care¡ªmuch.


    ¡°I feel like I¡¯m in a dream and it¡¯s slowly turning into one of those ufortable daymares.¡± I point out


    sarcastically and get an eye to the ceiling in a ¡®save me already¡¯ gesture as we travel downstairs. Alexi


    sighs heavily and throws me a pensive nce.


    ¡°Fine. Flowers, choctes, calling you Hunny Bunny or some other vomit inducing term. Just don¡¯t


    comin when I have to beat people to level myself out a little. I can¡¯t do nice without bncing it with


    something violent.¡± He sounds deadly serious. I actually believe him.


    ¡°Yep, I¡¯m in an alternate reality. One where Alexi Carrero says Hunny Bunny in a conversation, without


    breaking a sweat.¡± I smile at that, really seeing the funny in those wordsing out of that mouth. Who


    knew that was a term he had in his verbal brain bank.


    ¡°I think I just died a little inside.¡± He frowns, utterly deadpan, and it breaks me unexpectedly. It pulls a


    genuine hearty giggle out of me, and I realise our weird conversation haspletely lightened my


    mood with how utterly ridiculous it is. I never thought this would be a topic I would ever have with him


    or that he could be this funny, and I¡¯m not sure if he meant to be. He has my sense of humour; dry and


    sarcastic with apletely serious tone. I think I just fell in love with him all over again. Definitely a


    side to him I may have previously overlooked.


    ¡°I¡¯m putting my foot down on you calling me anything other than Sir.¡± That cheeky sideways nce and


    I open my mouth in outrage, immediately over the slight adoration I was teetering on.


    ¡°Fuck off. Sir, my arse. I would call you dickhead before I crawl at your feet and refer to you as my


    master.¡± I cross my arms moodily over my bust, finally losing his hand in mine and it only seems to


    propel him to the next level.


    Alexi yanks me to him bodily by my upper arm and nts a kiss on me that stops everything.


    A full-on lip to lip meeting with passion and perfection and he kisses me properly for the first time since


    he uttered those three words. Pressing me back against the wall so I¡¯m utterly powerless to him and my


    legs give way. His body hard against mine and all I can do is surrender and struggle to stay in control


    as everything swirls deliciously. He kisses me dizzy and leaves me breathless.


    Like a weak fool, my lips part and I allow him to not only kiss me into oblivion, but I kiss him back.


    Tongues warmly sliding together, lips moulded as we find our rhythm. Churning my knickers into a wet


    mess. He knows how to ignite the horn factor for sure.


    It¡¯s on the hotter side of tender, and as he pushes me back into the corner of the lift, so I¡¯m bodily


    trapped rather than propped up, my hands find their own way up the front of his jacket and slide around


    his strong neck. Savouring the feel of that hard, hot body that moulds to my curves in all the right ways.


    His knee slides between both of mine and he pushes himself against me in a very sexual way that


    leaves no room for misunderstanding. His thigh wedged high between mine has the desired effect and


    hits me to the upper level of desperate for sex in a millisecond.


    I have always hated that as a kisser he¡¯s a bloody demon, gets inside of every part of you while making


    love to your mouth andpletely overwhelms you so you cannot do anything except obey.


    Alexi kisses me until the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly attracts his attention and he


    stops to look back over his shoulder, grinning wickedly, like the cat who got the cream. He knew what


    he was doing, and he is high fiving himself mentally that he got me how he wanted and submissive on


    every level. He doesn¡¯t need me to call him Sir, he just reduced me to mush andpletely


    overpowered me voluntarily. Always the fucking maniptor who has to show he can.


    I curse him under my breath.


    I can only assume we are on the ground floor and in full view of whoever was standing at the lift doors.


    He lets me go, captures my hand as his prisoner once more and pulls me with him, even though my


    unsteady legs almost give out as soon as I¡¯m released. We pass two security, dressed all in formal


    ck, and a very amused looking Jackson who beams at me widely and suddenly seems ovee


    with merriment.


    ¡°Have a nice evening you two. You look lovely, Miss Cami.¡± He calls as we pass and ps Alexi on


    the back in addish camaraderie way that just screams ¡®good luck gettingid tonight bro¡¯.


    My face instantly heats, no doubt blushing from my roots to my toes. I avoid eye contact as I¡¯m led out


    past them and straight out the rear door like a silent puppy dog on a leash.


    I¡¯m not doing a very good job of holding my own against King Carrero. Knowing they all saw that feels


    weird because it wasn¡¯t a game of seduction for me, but something meaningful, and somehow, I didn¡¯t


    like being watched or exposed and vulnerable that way. Being devoured wholly seems like something


    people shouldn¡¯t see.


    It¡¯s already dark out, even though it¡¯s just after six and the air is crisp and biting cold, another hint of an


    impending snow spell. I follow him carefully down the stairs, hints of the first frost making them slippery


    and he keeps a firm hold of my hand as he guides the way. He waits every couple of steps to help me


    down and his attention to making sure I don¡¯t fall soothes a little of my irritation. He can be sweet in


    unexpected ways sometimes. Logical, practical ways rather than thoughtful romantic ones. If you


    summarise all he is and put them together, then his nicer traits bnce out the dickhead ones


    asionally. He can be a gentleman when you least expect it and he does take care of the people he


    loves. His men want for nothing.


    My breath catches in my throat, instant panic when standing in the centre of the car park I see he


    wasn¡¯t lying at all. A huge ck beast of a motorcycle is perched on a kickstand and shining in the light


    of the car park¡¯smps. It¡¯s almost sparkling with how glossy all the ck paintwork and shiny chrome


    is. Two helmets perched on the long seat. An intimidating beast of a machine that screams of power


    and speed and thest of my blood drains to my feet as cold fear grips me. Nausea swirls back to the


    front of my stomach and I tremble internally.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure about this.¡± I blurt out impulsively, digging my heels in and not wanting to go any further,


    terror strangling me.


    ¡°Trust me. I won¡¯t let anything happen to you and I will drive very carefully and slowly. I swear.¡± Alexi


    doesn¡¯t miss a beat, yanks me with him and I yelp when I¡¯m tugged along harshly, almost sliding on the


    tarmac, but he rights me by grabbing my arm and steadies me.


    ¡°Stop doing that!¡± I bark and p his hand around mine. It¡¯s really annoying me the way he keeps


    dragging me around. It feels like he is being a pushy tit and not giving a shit how infuriating it is.


    ¡°And the kissing thing needs to ¡­ you know ¡­ stop!¡± I add in afterthought, stomach churning as the


    wordse out, but I need to keep my wits about me and kissing him destroys that. I¡¯m pretty sure he


    knows it too, and it¡¯s why he is so insistent on trying.


    ¡°Come on, Cam. You weren¡¯t exactly hating it back there.¡± He tries for a smile and a pull towards him,


    but I put my hand up to stop what I suspect is another swoop in to silence me with a snog. I¡¯m onto his


    little powers of persuasion. It¡¯s not new to me and if he thinks it¡¯s a tool to keep me pliable, he can fuck


    off.


    ¡°This is what you do. You manipte me, coerce me, kiss me into submission and not let me be my


    own person and work in my own time. Stop trying to push me to march to your tune. I won¡¯t ever trust


    you if you keep doing this and it¡¯s not helping your cause at all.¡± I snap at him and shove my palm


    against his chest to push his face back; keeping him at bay despite his superior strength.


    Alexi¡¯s expression sobers, he looks uneasy almost instantly, runs a hand across the back of his neck


    and looks out over the car park away from me. His grip on me loosens and the space between us


    widens.


    ¡°Old habits die hard.¡± He mutters to himself or maybe me, and brings that set of greys back to mine,


    looking a little sombre and deted.


    ¡°It¡¯s hard to not want to kiss you, it¡¯s not that I¡¯m trying to mani ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, you are. You want me to get in line and do what you want me to do. I¡¯m not stupid. I know what


    you¡¯re doing. I know you better than you think. You can¡¯t force me to fall in love with you, Alexi.¡± I point


    out and he has the grace to just frown at me.


    ¡°I¡¯m used to things going my way. Getting what I want ¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll back off.¡± He moves back a little


    bit and the look on his face barely conceals a hint of boyish hurt.


    ¡°I need to feel like I have control and I¡¯m not being cornered or pushed. If I feel that way, I¡¯ll run. It¡¯s


    bred into me. You said you wanted to give me time, so do that. I need to feel safe with you before I can


    rx and learn to trust you. Just ease up, stop making me defensive.¡± I make it clear, hoping he gets


    the point loudly and I sigh a little when he dismisses me with a frown and pulls the smaller of the two


    helmets off the seat instead. Avoiding an answer but I can tell by the change in his cocky manner that


    something filtered through. There¡¯s an immediate calming of his energy.


    ¡°Need me to put it on you?¡± His voice and tone are softer, and he holds it out rather than sweeping in to


    force it on my head. I think he realises he is being way too dominant, and it¡¯s only hurting his chances


    of a nice evening.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t we take your car?¡± I¡¯m desperate to avoid getting on this death machine and I don¡¯t get why


    he wants to use this. It¡¯s not impressing me at all. I was never one of those girls who liked to have


    terrifying speed contraptions between her thighs. Well, unless it¡¯s six inches and takes batteries.


    ¡°I¡¯m taking you somewhere that doesn¡¯t have car ess, it¡¯s too narrow and hellish to find parking. I


    can get this baby right to the door and park it on the path.¡± He ignores my hesitation and puts the


    helmet on my head, over the hair I never pulled down and yanks it on with a tug. He was right about my


    bun hurting but I¡¯m not about to admit it. I grit my teeth and ignore the knotted bruising pain in my skull


    where the helmet is pressing on it.


    ¡°Where exactly is that?¡± I ask after letting him get it over my face. Alexi has my visor up and leans


    down to mess with a buckle and strap under my chin, fastening it and sliding it tight. It¡¯s hard when he


    is this close and focusing below my vision not to stare at that wless face or watch those mystical


    eyes so intent on what he is doing. I cannot deny that Alexi is gorgeous, even when I hated him, even


    when I¡¯m afraid of him. He¡¯s annoyingly handsome in the godly way you find in movie stars and


    romance heroes. I guess like Vampires and Demons they use their physical appearance to fool you into


    following them. It¡¯s their sparkle to lure you in.


    ¡°It¡¯s a surprise. You¡¯ll find out when you get there.¡± Hees back up from staring under my chain with


    that look of self-assured master of his kingdom and I severely regret letting him take me out at all. Alexi


    is unpredictable, and for all I know, he could drag me somewhere insane where I¡¯m highly


    underdressed. I have no clue what his idea of a date is. It could be a dungeon full of chains and whips


    and I might never see daylight again.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like surprises. I hate not knowing what¡¯sing.¡± That¡¯s kind of normal for a life spent running


    and hiding and looking over your shoulder. I need to feel in control of all my eggs and baskets to feel


    safe. Worst date ever¡ªto let a man who once destroyed you choose the venue, make all the rules and


    keep you in the dark about all the details. I¡¯m an idiot.


    ¡°Exining would take longer than just getting there and seeing for yourself. I hope you¡¯re in the mood


    for Chinese.¡±


    ¡°Chine ¡­¡± I don¡¯t get chance to argue or say no because he slides my visor down over my face and


    thumps the helmet on top of my head to make sure it¡¯s on right and almost knocks me senseless with


    his heavy-handed thud. I gag on an ¡®ouch¡¯ because of the stupid hair bulge on top on my head and try


    not to show him that was bloody sore.


    I hate the fact he avoids argument or questioning his ns by being his boorish self and shutting me


    up. No gentleman in that body of his at all. I know that smack on the head was deflection and I re at


    him through my tinted ss with a furrowed brow and diva pout.


    My voice is muffled inside my enclosed space and my heavy breathing mists up my visor instantly,


    making me panic instantly. ustrophobia and fear, and now I¡¯m locked in here I can feel the hysteria


    rising.

 Chapter 148

    Chapter 148


    ¡°Alexi!¡± I freak out, yanking at it to get it off my head, hating this feeling of trapped, muffled istion and


    stop when his voicees through my ear from the side loudly, almost like he is in here with me.


    ¡°Can you hear me clearly?¡±


    I stop the manic panic and nod mutely. Not sure how the hell he can be inside my helmet, but it has the


    calming effect of being let loose. Not trapped in here with my own voice, but he can hear me.


    ¡°You can talk you know, the helmets have wireless speakers and mics, so we can still hear each other


    over the bike.¡± He taps the visor in my face as though motioning to inside the helmet and I giggle


    nervously, so much tension whooshing away as I do so. The suddenck of panting makes the visor


    clear up again and I can see perfectly out of it. Just takes some getting used to.


    ¡°Right ¡­ weird.¡± I don¡¯t know if it is because I¡¯ve never been on a bike before, but I find it odd that


    helmets have wirelessms.


    ¡°You sound so close.¡± As though he is inside my brain and yet it¡¯s oddly reassuring.


    ¡°I¡¯m close, and in a minute, you will have to hold on to me and be even closer.¡± That smirk in his tone


    and I know he is grinning to himself at that little fact.


    ¡°Now I know why you chose a bike as transport,¡± I respond, rolling my eyes even though he can¡¯t really


    see me through my foggy tinted visor.


    ¡°It¡¯s the only way I can get you to cuddle up to me without argument.¡± Heughs a little as he says it


    and I just sigh, realising this is happening no matter what I say or do and allow him to guide me and


    help me climb onto that infernal machine.


    He takes hold of me by the waist, reassuringly, and helps me up and over as gracefully as I can muster.


    I sit astride the bike, subtle hints of faint stirring and shitting myself while trying to not have an epic


    meltdown and make aplete idiot of myself in the process. I cling onto his arm when he lets me go,


    feelingpletely unstable, and clench my teeth as he turns away and the bike wobbles a little. My


    insides somersault but I try not to react and sit stone still so as not to topple us over.


    Alexi climbs on in front of me carefully, so he doesn¡¯t catch me with his foot as he slides over, pulling


    the bike up with him to straighten it and I impulsively grab on around his waist from behind, clinging for


    dear life. Alexi doesn¡¯t seem to notice the death hold I have on him and pulls on a set of leather gloves.


    He seems to have every faith in this machine and his ability anyway.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    ¡°Put your feet on those.¡± He bends, catching my foot and moving it to a little t rest near the back of


    the bike at the rear wheel. It puts me in a better position, and I copy him, finding the one on the other


    side without his guidance, without letting go of the grip I have on him. My lungs and heart are fighting to


    keep functioning and I¡¯m feeling dizzier by the second due to shallow breathing andck of oxygen.


    Real fear growing inside of me and spreading coldly through my veins. I repeat a mantra under my


    breath ¡®we won¡¯t die, he won¡¯t kill us¡¯. It¡¯s all I can do to stop myself freaking out as moving on this


    infernal thing looms in on us.


    ¡°Tell me you drive this a lot and have never ever had any sort of bike ident in all the years you have


    owned them.¡± I sound as scared as I feel, heart pounding and almost crushing him with the way I¡¯m


    clinging on. My body is cold, and I¡¯m jittery as hell.


    ¡°Not crashed ... much.¡± He chuckles, and I almost get back off again. The strangled noise thates


    through my mic makes himugh at me all the more.


    ¡°I¡¯m kidding. Calm down, London. Never crashed, and I have been driving bikes since I was way too


    young to do so. My dad taught me as early as seven years old how to zoom around on a dirt bike. It¡¯s


    like second nature. You can rx and enjoy the ride.¡±


    Easy for him to say.


    ¡°Just tell me when it¡¯s over and if I pass out, then don¡¯t let me fall off.¡±


    Alexiughs again, a husky rumble, amused and I can tell he is enjoying my trauma. Arsehole¡¯s getting


    a kick out of putting the fear of God into me. You can tame the beast a little by introducing him to love


    but that sadist in him will still find ways to get pleasure in his new-found personality transnt.


    ¡°You¡¯ll be just fine. I¡¯m going slow, just for you.¡± The tone says honesty, but my gut tells me he is lying.


    He doesn¡¯t seem like the type to drive his thunder machine in any other way than super-speed.


    Isn¡¯t that why men buy these things?


    I swallow my nerves as he starts the engine and revs it a little, and even through my helmet, I can hear


    the powerful roar as it vibrates through my thighs and I cling onto him even tighter. Arms wrapped


    around his waist until my arms ache with the effort and praying to some sort of god to get me through


    this. I hope I¡¯m cutting off his blood supply and give him a fraction of the difort I¡¯m feeling. He


    obviously wanted me scared and I¡¯m sure this is a method to getting me all feeble and weak, so I cling


    to him pathetically.


    I am literally putting my life in his hands and I wonder what the hell I¡¯m doing.


    ¡°When you feel me lean to one side or the other, lean with me. It¡¯s how we turn and if you stick to my


    body, then it makes it a hell of a lot easier to keep my turns fluid. Don¡¯t fight me or lean the other way,


    mould to me.¡± Alexi¡¯s voice pops up in my helmet, barely muffled by the bike growls, and I mentally


    cross myself.


    ¡°Don¡¯t kill us,¡± I answer with more than a touch of trepidation in my shaking voice, heart doing the


    rhumba through my stomach so dramatically he must be able to feel me shaking.


    Alexi sniggers again, that low husky, sexy hint of amusement at my unease in that devil tone of his. I¡¯m


    so fucking d he is enjoying this torture.


    ¡°I¡¯ll try not to. You should feel honoured; I don¡¯t let anyone on this thing except me.¡± He leans forward


    lifting one foot to whatever he puts it on and pushes us onwards.


    That¡¯s all I can take, that lurch of movement and I close my eyes, screwing them shut tight and grip on


    so hard I¡¯m sure I might crack his ribs. Alexi catches one of my wrists and pulls my arms up to his


    upper rib cage as he nestles his pert butt between my thighs and the bike tilts to one side.


    I can¡¯t see, I¡¯m not opening my eyes for anything and my visor is pressed between his shoulder des,


    anyway. I¡¯m literally terrified and so close to him that if I die, I¡¯m taking him with me. He deserves it for


    this bullshit.


    All I can feel is that horrible lurch of my stomach being thrown to the back of my rib cage as we speed


    up and the way we seem to sway side to side like we are on a rough sea.


    Noise, movement a sense of falling and going fast and I¡¯m sweating inside my clothes like I¡¯m on the


    verge of dying.


    I really, really hate this. I am never letting him do this to me, ever again.


    I¡¯m sure he loves it though. The fact I have no choice but to be moulded to his body and wholly


    dependent on him for survival. I now see exactly why he put me on this damned machine. Alexi is a


    tosser. He is the lord of being in control and he put me on something that gives me no option.


    A couple of minutes go by of the same feelings and movements. Me stiffer than a board and afraid to


    breathe, but my body adjusts to it. I get used to the sensation, although my stomach flips every time the


    bike roars and I turn my helmet to the side, sliding across his back and open my eyes.


    It¡¯s a bad idea, as streets, lights and traffic whiz past and I close them again. It¡¯s somehow worse


    seeing we¡¯re going faster than it feels and I curse his lie that he would go slow. I should have known he


    would not stick to that.


    Prick!


    Thankfully wherever Alexi is taking me, is not far from the club. Still in Little Italy and as the bike slows


    down and his leans and tilts be more exaggerated, I can tell we are turning down alleys already. I


    lift my head to look and see I¡¯m right. Narrow alleyways and tall dark buildings looming around us as he


    slowly manoeuvres his machine into a little maze of inner single-track roads, not meant for cars of any


    great width. They are barely footpath wide, and he turns us several corners one after the other. I sit up


    a little and loosen my hold, looking around at the worn and mucky stone buildings, the dimly lit


    windows, and find we are heading into a part of Little Italy I have never ventured into.


    This area has a slightly industrial feel, and in the darknessing over us, it feels like we are a million


    miles away from the club. The terrain and vibe are so different. This is more of a downtrodden area,


    like the ce I rented when waitressing.


    Alexi rounds onest corner, slowing the bike down to a rapid stop outside a chipped green door,


    putting his feet down to steady us as we stop. Looking up at a set of stone stairs. Parking right at the


    bottom of them and kicks out the stand before leaning the bike to the side slightly. I automatically put


    my foot down onto the pavement to stop myself falling off and he turns to help slide and guide me off


    fully. Holding onto me until I¡¯m standing on jelly legs, trembling and have to stop myself from kneeling


    down and kissing the sidewalk for being back on it. I¡¯m clearly still affected by my fearful journey and he


    follows me off the damn killing machine.


    Alexi hops off a lot more confident than me, straightens up and pulls open a weird boxpartment on


    the rear of the bike. He pulls out a brown carrier bag and a white box from what seems like Mary


    Poppins¡¯ handbagpartment with magical endless storage.


    Heys the bag on the ground and the box on the seat, perching it to bnce and pulls off his helmet


    stashing it in the now empty space that didn¡¯t look big enough for it. No helmet hair for him anyway.


    I try to find the buckle under my chin, looking down even though it¡¯s pointless and jump when Alexi¡¯s


    hands slide around my throat gently and he does it instead. Pulling off my helmet in seconds and then


    sticks it in the back of his bike before locking the box lid. He lifts his spoils back up and gives me a


    charming smile. Looking unruffled and happy for once.


    ¡°We¡¯re here ¡­ up those steps.¡± He nods to the darkened doorway and I let him take the lead. Intrigued


    by our surroundings but also confused as we seem to be in a residential area rather than a business.


    Definitely not a Chinese restaurant.


    ¡°Where are we exactly?¡± I follow closely, a sense that this neighbourhood isn¡¯t the safest area to be in


    and almost walk right into the back of him at the top of the steps as he fishes in his bag for keys.


    ¡°My first home. Where it all began.¡± He replies, getting the creaky outer door open and heads in,


    gesturing me to follow with a nod into the dark interior. He holds the door open with his elbow so I can


    duck inside the gloomy hallway of an apartment building.


    I nch at those words, blinking as I take in the stairs and entrance once again. Downtrodden, grimy


    andmon, hardly the ce I imagined a rich Carrero would begin in this city.


    The inside is a dark musty stairway, concrete with a wrought iron bannister edging the stairs. I can see


    other internal doors as though this is an apartment block of several small units and looking up shows a


    couple of floors in the space where the stairs go. Alexi heads right to the foot of them and I follow


    quietly. Intrigued by this run-down building and theck of grandeur I¡¯m used to seeing him surrounded


    by. It¡¯s borderline inhabitable and the kind of ce you expect to find rats and cockroaches in every


    corner. A reminder of where I stayed after I left the hospital and reinvented myself as Meghan.


    ¡°Top floor, although it¡¯s only a couple flights.¡± He adds, not looking back and I try to stay close.


    Uncertain about our surroundings and trying not to step on any creatures I¡¯m convinced might be


    lurking in the dust and dirt of each solid step.


    It¡¯s dark, no natural lights at all as there are no windows, the dim electric lighting overhead is all we


    have, which is dull as hell because most of the bulbs are out. That flickering, buzzing kind of light that


    gives you a headache. The building feels deserted, and theck of maintenance suggests not many


    people use this.


    ¡°I thought you came from money. This ce is a bit rough isn¡¯t it?¡± I point out when we climb the stairs


    quickly, passing more chipped and battered doors, and the concrete beneath our feet could do with a


    good sweep. It¡¯s so dusty it''s choking me and stirring up all kinds of unwee smells. The clouds of


    dust circle around my feet. Definite signs of disuse. I¡¯m guessing a lot of these apartments are empty


    nowadays.


    ¡°I did. I just didn¡¯t want to be a trust fund baby and always rely on my father¡¯s wealth in life. I found this


    ce once I secured a job nearby and rented it. I went it alone for a while.¡±


    Well, that¡¯s a revtion and I wonder how old he was when he did that. Moved out to the city alone and


    stood on his own two feet. I blink up at his tall figure in front of me and really take stock of that little titbit


    of info. There really is more to him than most silver spoon babies from wealthy backgrounds.


    Alexi leads us to a ck, more recently painted glossy door that seems a lot more maintained than the


    rest of the building. Signs of cleanliness around it too as though someone tends to this hallway here


    and the apartment behind it. The overhead light at the entry is bright and clean and illuminates us more


    sessfully. Making me blink as we stand under it.


    Opening it, he pushes the heavy door inwards and reaches in with his carrier bag hand and flicks on


    some lights to illuminate the interior.


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand. I thought you went straight into the family business with your father?¡± Now he has


    me stumped and I blink as the smell of chemical cleaners and air fresheners waft strongly in my face,


    out into the damp stairwell and draw me into a much cleaner interior with healthier air to inhale. He


    obviously has someone regrly keep this ce in check, there is not a hint of dust or dirt or any signs


    of disuse in here.


    I always envisioned, after his mother turned her back on him, that he followed his father to the city and


    worked as one of his henchmen. I mean, I assumed after taking someone out, his father saw the


    promise in his son and mentored him to be his recement. Took him under his wing and turned him


    into the cold leader that became infamous in this city.


    ¡°Nope. Come on, you can question me inside when I get this ce opened up. It¡¯s been a while since I


    was here.¡± Alexi walks in ahead of me as the apartment lights flicker on, both overhead and


    underlighting, as the cosiest looking loft apartment I have ever seen,es into view.


    It¡¯s nothing like the club or his apartment I stayed in before.


    It¡¯s urban and industrial and homely. Leather armchairs all battered and scuffed, a wall lined with


    bookshelves, books, trinkets, photos. Neutral tone paintwork with lots of textures from various objects


    and soft furnishings galore. There are rugs on the floor and some that ovep for a warm, inviting floor


    space that requires barefoot investigating, and an electric fire already burning bright in a hearth in the


    centre of the wall, withmps that came on when he flicked the main switch.


    The whole ce has been set up to be homely, filled with junk shop finds or cheap decor and reminds


    me of a secret reading nook in an old library, or a professor¡¯s office in his home. It has an air of a


    hidden, magical ce, a little nook secreted away in a dark, disused corner of New York, and I


    absolutely love it.


    There¡¯s a whole wall of battered metal signs and car license tes disyed neatly, all set out in a


    gallery and some from random ces in New York.


    I like it a lot. I could see myself happily hiding here for weeks on end. It¡¯s not a ce I would ever have


    put him in a million years though. It¡¯s human and warm and screams of someone sentimental with a


    love of the simple pleasures in life and a love of this city. There¡¯s a tacky, bronzed statue of liberty sat


    on a shelf near the signs and some odd postcards from far and wide propped around it. Signs of


    someone sentimental who keeps unusual tokens. Like lipsticks.


    Alexi veers right to the tiniest kitchte along the wall that the door is on, and as Ie in and close


    it behind us as I do a full scan of the room. Taking everything in easily as it¡¯s so small.


    It¡¯s tiny. A square room with an open-n living room and kitchen, there¡¯s a door in the far corner which


    I guess is a bathroom, seeing as there¡¯s a ck metal staircase leading up to a tform ten feet over


    my head. It covers half the ceiling and has a matching metal balcony which doesn¡¯t conceal a small


    bedroom space. Mattress on the floor, more rustic bookcases I can see from here and only just enough


    room to stand up. It¡¯s cosy as bedrooms go and very urban chic.


    I would never imagine him staying anywhere like this and it¡¯s not the style of the Alexi I know.


    It¡¯s like a time warp of some mythical safe haven where adventures start. It¡¯s typical New York living for


    those on a normal factory wage who make the most of the space they can afford. You pay per square


    footage and this is the space you would expect a low earner, the living wage to wage type can afford.


    Evidence of cosy nights in as he was budgeting his ie are all around. DVDs, CDs, books galore


    and this space is well worn and lived in. I can almost imagine a young Alexiing home and


    discarding his boots and jacket by the door and being enveloped into this physical hug of a ce. He


    made a home for himself to be less alone. Filled it with things to make it his. I know all about recing


    feelings with possessions.


    Alexi is opening a fridge and depositing two bottles of wine from his bag on the counter and some


    beers in the door. He holds out the white box with a smile, bringing my full attention back to him with


    how at ease he seems in here and I take it carefully with a hint of suspicion.


    ¡®What¡¯s this?¡¯ I eye him up and then look down at it. A lightweight cardboard box that is no bigger than


    a muffin case.


    ¡°Your Choctes and flowers.¡± He adds with a wink and goes back to flicking switches on the wall


    which are connected to a thermostat panel. Not borating more than that. I assume he¡¯s putting the


    heating on to kill the chill in the air.


    The ce doesn¡¯t feel unused, but it¡¯s a bit chilly considering the season we are in and warmth will just


    complete its perfection. I¡¯m also sure he must have had a cleaner recently as there is not a speck of dirt


    and the whole ce smells fresh with a washcloth hanging on the tap over the sink. It looks damp and


    is hung neatly to dry out. Everything is gleaming from a very recent scrub, most likely in thest few


    hours. It¡¯s cute that he got this ce worthy of a visit. As always, his attention to detail is something we


    have inmon.


    ¡°This looks too small for both,¡± I add with a giggle, anticipation pushing me to flip up the lid on the


    cardboard box that¡¯s barely big enough to fit a mug, or maybe a corsage. Iugh out loud when I spy


    the chocte cupcake covered in pastel-coloured sugar flowers. A generous-sized cake for one from


    my favourite bakery. I would recognise one of their cakes anywhere.


    ¡°Smart arse.¡±


    It¡¯s touching and gives me a warm gooey feeling.


    ¡°You like cake ¡­ so ¡­¡± he shrugs, like the confident, cocky arse that he is and carries on opening


    cupboards and pulls out sses. I gaze at the cake and then at him and once again feel like I


    underestimate him at every turn. He seems to be a never-ending surprise when you least it expect it.


    He won¡¯t ever bend to someone else¡¯smands, but he willpromise so he can stay true to who


    he is. Sometimes in clever ways, much like with this gift. He¡¯ll never give me choctes or flowers by


    the conventional standards, but I think his version of romance might actually warm me more than I


    expected. He¡¯s trying, for me. Never thought that would ever happen.


    A warm, fuzzy feeling moves up within me, enveloping me and rxing me, and I gentlyy the cake


    box on the counter and push it back forter as I watch him. He looks different tonight. Younger,


    carefree and less intimidating when surrounded by a ce where he obviously feels he belongs. He


    looks happy and I appraise him with a fresh eye. He just seems different. Maybe because he¡¯s taken


    himself out of his empire and dressed like a normal Joe Bloggs for the night, removing us from


    grandeur,mand and anything that ties him to the man he has be. Knowing him, that was his


    intention, and all of this was a well thought out n.


    Putting us in a ce where he created a nk te. No ties to the club or anything that¡¯s normal for


    us. I can see why he chose this over a restaurant.


    ¡°You were telling me why you lived here.¡± I remind him and pull off my coat so I can fix my messy hair. I


    must look a fright after being assaulted by that helmet. I throw it on the back of the nearest armchair,


    pulling out my hair pins one at a time so I can smooth my hair back into ce and neaten it up by touch


    alone. I was always good at doing my hair without a mirror and it can¡¯t get any worse than what I can


    feel falling around my ears.


    I return to watch him pour two sses of red wine. He is obviously paying attention to the details, as


    red is my wine of choice and he rarely drinks it. He is trying to impress even if he doesn¡¯t act like it and


    it tugs an involuntary smile to my lips. Amused by it.


    ¡°I decided that I wanted to do my own thing and find my own way in life. My father put his foot down on


    me joining him in the ¡®family business¡¯ and I was rebelling.¡± He hands me my ss, picks up his to


    chink against mine in a motion of ¡®cheers¡¯ and nods to the cosy room in front of the fire. Gesturing for


    us to go sit down.


    I¡¯m itching to sit on the plush rug, down in front of it and haul out the albums I spy as we walk across


    but I¡¯m a good girl and sit in a chair instead. Acting demure and inquisitive, subtly. My eyes scanning


    the room intensely and trying to pull out all the little details in a ce Alexi started life in. It¡¯s weird he


    brought me here because this is nothing of what I imagined of him. It¡¯s so personal and a contradiction


    to anything I know about him.


    ¡°He said no to you being what you are now? Then how?¡± I bring my eyes back to his as he hauls off his


    jacket and throws it on top of mine as he sits down on the chair opposite me, leaning forward to the


    beat-up wooden trunk that serves as a coffee table. It¡¯s rustic and well-loved and I wonder what sort of


    treasures are hidden in its belly. It has a lock on one side and a padlock keeping the contents safe from


    prying eyes.


    The whole ce is decorated in antique shop finds, retro possessions and random things. It¡¯s eclectic


    and inviting in so many ways. A movie set for some student boho movie or artsy film.


    ¡°I get the feeling you¡¯re going to ask a million questions now we¡¯re here. What do you want to know,


    London? I brought you here to let you get to know me, so I guess I better do that.¡± Alexi puts his ss


    down, pulls the cushion from behind him and tosses it on the floor before sitting back and putting his


    feet on the trunk too. Gettingfy in a strangely casual way. It¡¯s obvious that this ce helps him


    unwind and as hard as I try to ce him here, it just doesn¡¯t fit the man I know. I feel like we¡¯ve


    stumbled into an alternate reality and Alexi just took off his dark cloak and mask to reveal some young


    hero, one that I don¡¯t know at all.


    I narrow my eyes at him, a million questions poised in my head and take a long, slow deliberate sip of


    my drink, sliding off my shoes to pull my legs under me and I haul my own cushion around to put on my


    lap to rest my hand and ss. I getfy too, dy the barrage of questions to let him think I¡¯m


    sussing out my surroundings. Which I am, I guess.

 Chapter 149

    Chapter 149


    I like this ce; it gives you that instant calm feeling of being somewhere safe and weing. A bit like


    being in his arms. I shake that thought from my head before my brain follows the being in his arms to


    something a little more X-rated and remind myself, I¡¯m supposed to be dissecting this man and figuring


    him out.


    ¡°That depends on how much I¡¯m allowed to know,¡± I ask with a slight brow raise and a half smile. My


    seductress side smoothly flowing now I feel more at ease. I too am drawing serene from our calm


    abode.


    ¡°Whatever you want. I meant it when I said I would earn your trust. If that means being an open book


    and telling you whatever you want to know, then here we are.¡± He gestures around him, watching me


    carefully.


    ¡°You could have done that at the club, why bring me here?¡±


    Because Alexi is a devious shit who likes to set a scene and manipte a response. I have seen him


    do it for his own ends a hundred times. It¡¯s what he does, and he does it so well.


    ¡°This is my little corner away from reality. A sanctuary, I guess. I get to leave Alexi Carrero at the door


    and just be Lex. A teen kid who came to the city to figure his life out. I figured it would be the best ce


    to start altering the person I have shown you up until now. I brought you to the one ce where barely


    anyone else gets toe, for that reason; no prying ears either.¡±


    No one else except whoever got this ce visitor worthy today. I¡¯m onto him.


    ¡°So even though you grew up and bought a swanky apartment, you still have this ce ¡­ as a bolthole


    of sorts?¡±


    I¡¯ll y along, see where it takes us. I start to wonder if this is all staged, and this belongs to one of his


    minions and not him at all, but his obvious ease is contradicting that. I get the impression he knows this


    ce intimately, has lived here, and even though it doesn¡¯t initially reek of Alexi Carrero, there is


    something of him in the atmosphere. I can¡¯t quite put my finger on it yet.


    ¡°Yeah. I bought it after I started working for my father and just couldn¡¯t let it go. I have a lot of memories


    here, a lot of me that was left behind when I changed the path I took.¡±


    It¡¯s also in the same area he once took me to lunch, so the geography adds up. He told me that day he


    once lived near there. I didn¡¯t forget that tiny titbit.


    I exhale heavily, knowing the only way I will get the full story is to go back to the start. Like me, his story


    is not clear cut or as simple as I thought it was, and I guess to know the man, you need to know the


    journey. I want to know how he came to be King Carrero if his father opposed it. I want to know how


    someone who could lovingly create this home, became someone who could tie me up and rip my sanity


    to shreds. The two don¡¯t match up.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to ask about how you got here. I¡¯m guessing your mother yed a part and I know


    you shot someone at 13. I want to know your history. How you got to be what you are now if you


    started here and your father turned you away from being like him?¡±


    Seems like a reasonable request, given he offered.


    Alexi considers me for a long minute before getting up and walking over to his bookcase. There¡¯s a


    stereo and a row of CDs and he turns it on putting one in before turning back to me, lifting the remote


    and turning it down low. Maroon five starts soothing me with familiar notes, ying around us


    unobtrusively and I smile on the inside. I¡¯ve heard him y their songs at the club when he¡¯s in the


    office. This is definitely Alexi¡¯s pad. His music tastes are very rigid, and this is a song he ys a lot.


    He bends down as I watch him from my sitting position as he slides out a ck leather photo album


    from the shelf below before walking back; he hands it to me and returns to his seat confidently. That


    smooth swagger that reminds me of who he is.


    I watch him closely, unsure what to do until he nods at it and gives me permission to open.


    ¡°My family album, one of them, courtesy of Gino. Figured you might want a visual of the people in my


    past.¡±


    I let out a little ¡®huh¡¯ under my breath, smiling as I screw up my face. Surprised that he even owns these


    kinds of things and look down to do as I¡¯m told. I want to see what ¡®family¡¯ for him is. I want to see the


    bitch that Gino mes for his cold heart and chosen life path.


    I flick open the pages, presented with an array of simr looking men and children, family pictures,


    holiday shots. The usual for any family in an album. A lot of strangers and some familiar. I recognise


    Gino and Alexi in some, as small children. I spot who I think might be Mico in many of them. Alexi


    however, I can¡¯t mistake.


    Not much has changed to not recognise him, even as a boy. Those eyes apparent throughout, and that


    serious scowl he has when he is unhappy. It¡¯s in a lot of these pictures, which is sad considering those


    around him are beaming with smiles and obvious glee. Even with that little frowny face, he was an


    incredibly cute kid. A little dark and sinister even then, but adorable and even harder to separate from


    Gino without tattoos and badass tailoring. They are creepily identical. There is a lot of him and his twin


    and then just one with their father. He isn¡¯t really in a lot of the images and I guess his line of work kept


    him absent a lot. Much like Alexi who never seems to go back to The Hamptons often.


    His father hasn¡¯t changed in many years from what I can see. Still a lot like the tall, powerful man I met


    at the club. So much like his son in looks but with more wrinkles, grey hair and different colour of eyes.


    He has that air ofmand but not that sadistic aura like Alexi.


    I flick the page to a whole family shot and instantly recognise the twins, their father, three other children


    and a woman who is certainly not a Carrero. They did not take after her if she is who I think she is. She


    looks drawn and bitchy, to say the least. Attractive, long dark blonde hair, which is probably dyed, and


    brown eyes, but with her, there¡¯s an impression of coldness to her I sometimes see in him. It makes me


    pause on her face for a second, hesitating at the connection.


    A striking woman with intimidating cruelty in that look that as much as I hate to admit, he has. Alexi has


    more of her in him than I think he wants to admit. It¡¯s not in the looks, it¡¯s in the manner. The way she¡¯s


    poised, and even though one hand is on her child¡¯s shoulder, a girl, there is an impersonal detachment


    in it. She is groomed and precise and seems like an addition to the picture, not really one of the family.


    She gives me the heebie-jeebies.


    ¡°Your mum ¡­ this is her, right?¡± I tap her face and motion him to look where I¡¯m pointing, and he leans


    in and nods.


    ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s her.¡± He doesn¡¯t sound impressed.


    ¡°She seems a little sterile. Even in a picture.¡±


    ¡°She was mad at me before that shot. As usual, I did something to make her angry, and it was my fault


    she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there.¡± He sighs heavily and drinks a good portion of


    his wine, averting his eyes to his stereo and I flick back down to the cold woman¡¯s face. Not convinced


    that it¡¯s the only reason she looks like an anally retentive arsehole. Alexi seems deted with me


    picking out her to start this, but I want to know so desperately.


    ¡°My mother and I have never bonded in the way she did with my siblings. I have four. I was always a


    problematic kid, and she didn¡¯t know how to deal with me. It affected our whole rtionship and I pretty


    much spent my childhood on the outside of my own family. The ck sheep, making everything


    difficult.¡± He adds as he stares at his fire and bookcase, avoiding my eye, and that little tug of


    heartache appears low inside of me. Empathy for that poor little boy who just wanted her love, flooding


    me from nowhere. Maybe Gino was right, and their mother had a huge part in how he is.


    ¡°So, it wasn¡¯t because of what you did when you protected her as Gino said?¡± I know I¡¯m admitting to


    eavesdropping by asking this, but I¡¯ve always wanted to know the full story of Alexi and his mother. If


    she was like this before that event, then why?


    Alexi narrows a look at me, bringing back his face with a tilt, obviously wondering where I got that


    snippet of info, but he doesn¡¯t ask. I think he knows that I¡¯ve listened in when I shouldn¡¯t and carries on


    as though it no longer matters. Maybe back then he would have been pissed, but not now when he¡¯s


    offering me it all, anyway.


    ¡°No.¡± he looks pensive, nces to the floor then gets up and heads to the kitchen for a beer instead of


    his wine. I can tell he doesn¡¯t like talking about this stuff and the agitation is all over him already. That


    evasive behaviour of his. The first thing he always does is avoidance is to get out of range and give


    himself space. I know him too well.


    ¡°We don¡¯t need to do this you know,¡± I call after him, feeling like I¡¯m crossing into an area that makes


    him ufortable and I really don¡¯t want to. Not wanting the side of him I fearing out to y on


    purpose, even if I nned on bringing it out. I want to know, but I don¡¯t want to ruin the mood that


    started, and I¡¯m stuck here with him for the time being. I¡¯d rather not poke the bear and make this a


    miserable first proper date. It has the potential to be nice, considering how it started.


    I will wait until we are back on neutral soil and I have the means to call Jackson toe save me


    before I attempt to bring out the devil in him. Better to have an exit n in ce first.


    ¡°I want to; this is how you get to know people properly, and I feel like I have all the inside scoop on you


    already and should bnce the scales a little.¡± He walks back, beer in hand, but doesn¡¯t sit. Just


    wanders to the stereo and flicks through his collection of CDs.


    That reminder he has my journals heats my face, my stomach dropping at the fact he knows all about


    me and I nce away. Instant gut wrench and I push the painful feelings away quickly. Back to the


    photo on myp and scowl at the bitch staring back at me. I don¡¯t like her, even without seeing more,


    there is something in her that reminds me of my own mother. Thatck of warmth in her eyes and the


    way she is holding herself aloft like she hates everyone in the fucking world. I shudder, pulling myself


    away to shake her off.


    ¡°I guess. It¡¯s just weird seeing you so open and forting and being apletely different person.¡± I


    lose my bravado, almost talking into my chest and swirl my wine in one hand. Remembering he knows


    everything really sours my mood, reminding me of why I¡¯m here. I have so much riding on this, and no


    clue where to begin. I¡¯m out of my depth with him.


    ¡°That¡¯s kind of the point of this. Changing how you see me; being able to trust me.¡± He smiles my way


    when I look up and catch his eye before he returns to his previous position, sitting near me with his feet


    on the floor this time. Taking over the space once more in thatfy armchair that looks made for him


    ¡ªweirdly.


    There¡¯s a feeling of awkwardness seeping back between us, straining the atmosphere, and I can tell


    he¡¯s not asfortable with this as he is making out. He doesn¡¯t share personal things so this must be


    taking a huge amount of effort on his part. It¡¯s not lost on me that he¡¯s doing this for me.


    Always pulling my brain in two directions with every move.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know where to start,¡± I utter shyly. No clue how this began and not knowing the questions to


    ask. My version of his life is wrong, so I¡¯m at a loss.


    ¡°Okay, so maybe a condensed version and you don¡¯t have to ask questions?¡± He smiles softly, it


    doesn¡¯t reach his eyes though, and I can sense the nervous tension in him still. He¡¯s still as a statue, a


    little too calm which usually means he¡¯s working twice as hard to be so. This bothers him. Offering this


    so he won¡¯t have to be grilled like a POW by me. It¡¯s obvious he doesn¡¯t like divulging his past and he


    probably isn¡¯t toofy with doing this at all. As a person he keeps his life private and his thoughts and


    feelings hidden from most, all the time. This must be hard, and it chips another little shard of ice away


    from my heart where he is concerned.


    ¡°Sounds like a n.¡± I smile too, except mine is genuine, d I won¡¯t have to coax a story or ask things


    that might upset him. If he¡¯s in control of the intel he gives, maybe we can get through the backstory


    with minimum fuss.


    Alexi pauses, I guess trying to figure out where to start and shifts in his seat, a little straighter and at an


    angle where he can look at me without turning his head.


    ¡°I was a bad kid, right from the get-go. Hyper, naughty, never seemed to do as I was told and


    disciplining me did nothing. If anything, it made me worse and more likely to be a little shit. I was


    aggressive, defiant and stubborn as hell. Every mother¡¯s dream kid, huh?¡± Alexi sort of half smiles, half


    frowns. A self-deprecating statement that hints that he never really grew out of it. Even I know that.


    ¡°Nothing much changed there then.¡± I giggle at him; his hopelessness is sweet and that makes his


    smile break properly too. A genuine ¡®cute boy with dimples¡¯ smile that rxes me, and some of the


    nervous tension I was holding balled up inside me, dissipates a little. The tense atmosphere around us


    eases slightly, and as I cradle my wine and take a sip, I can see him loosen up visually too. Those


    shoulders not so square and rigid as he finds a morefortable slouch. I guess my mood is softening


    his as he sees me warming up.


    ¡°My brother was the pr opposite to me. I guess it was a case of good twin, bad twin, and as we were


    my mother¡¯s first offspring, she didn¡¯t know how to deal with me. So, she pushed me out, praised him


    and decided that ignoring the bad behaviour was how to punish me. Gino was the golden boy, and I


    was the kid she apologised for wherever we went. It wasn¡¯t deliberate, I didn¡¯t know how to be any


    different. I wasn¡¯t actively trying to be bad; I just couldn¡¯t stop it. I grew up knowing I was the one she


    didn¡¯t really like, barely loved, and I guess it got to me a lot more than I admitted to myself.¡± Even


    though his words are level and show no hint of the turmoil they cause him, I can tell he¡¯s hurting. His


    manner is way too controlled and cool, which I have learned is when he is hiding the most.


    My poor baby.


    ¡°I can¡¯t imagine watching your siblings being loved while she was being cold to you, that¡¯s horrible. It¡¯s


    a form of cruelty that is just unfathomable to me.¡± I blurt out, my heart already aching for a little kid who


    was shunned for being the naughty one. I guess also having a mother who was cruel I can rte to him


    in that way. See the abuse, even if his mother never delivered punches and blows as mine did. She


    fucked him up just the same. Denied him the basics that a child needs¡ªa mother¡¯s unconditional love.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t her fault I was the way I was. It wasn¡¯t until I was around nine they finally figured out I have


    ADHD, and back then I had something called ODD, or Conduct disorder ¡­ which pretty much means I


    had a reason for being a bad kid; my shrink told me parental rejection exacerbated the disorder into a


    much more serious issue. I was pushed away for being bad and it made me worse on so many levels.


    Ironic really.¡±


    It¡¯s a defeated softugh, a shrug and a shake of his head as he tries to pass it all off as meaningless. I


    sit in stunned silence and try to absorb this fully. I never thought for a second there would be more to


    why he is this way.


    I don¡¯t even know what ODD is.


    My brain whirs and clicks into overdrive as it filters through.


    ¡°I guess knowing I had an actual reason for myck of correct behaviour helped me understand myself


    enough to improve on some levels. Having a name for what it was helped me calm down a lot. I wasn¡¯t


    so angry all the time, I had tools to get through and a counselor, and my father tried to help. He got me


    into boxing and clubs to expel my energy and changed how he dealt with me when the meds did


    nothing. I¡¯m verybative when youe at me head on, aggression is second nature. Softly works


    wonders, even with parents, although my mother never learned that about me.¡±


    Alexi looks away,pletely hoodwinking me with thest of that statement and I blink at him in


    disbelief. I don¡¯t know how I didn¡¯t see it before, but it makes perfect sense now it¡¯s out there in front of


    me. Brain engaging what I know and figuring it all out.


    I also figured out a long while back that when your approach to him is ubative, he reacts so much


    better. Soft and reasonable as opposed to guns at the ready. Exins why Mico, the calm and wise


    companion, gets through to him.


    ADHD¡ªimpulsive, aggressive, hyperactive, full-on and obsessive sometimes. I know a lot of the traits


    as one of my regrs back when I first came to America had it and was very open about what it was


    like. Alexi is a tick list of so many only just more extreme, I guess. Maybe that¡¯s what the ODD thing


    does, amplifies the worst parts.


    Although I know nothing about the ODD thing, the disorder, and I try to analyse his face as he takes a


    swig of his beer and avoids looking at me properly, obviously feeling out of his depth when revealing


    this kind of information to me. He taps his thumb on his bottle and I know for sure he is uneasy and


    ufortable. Feeling naked, which I can sympathise with fully. I sat in his apartment just as


    vulnerable when I saw those journals.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    My heart goes out to him. Endearing him to me even more.


    ¡°You had an actual reason for how you were, surely she changed how she was towards you? Once she


    knew.¡± I coax him, knowing he probably feels a little exposed in the way I did when I knew he¡¯d read my


    journals. People like us don¡¯t open up, and it¡¯s hard to admit all your deepest shameful secrets to


    someone. Alexi has never hinted at having real problems before, so I guess not many people know and


    I can see how someone like him would see that as being wed. It¡¯s no wonder he hides it. It could be


    used against him by anyone who wishes him harm. Real emotional scars.


    Who knew?


    ¡°Not really. She saw it as an excuse to discard me all the more. I was broken and unfixable. She took


    no me for the antisocial behaviour and exaggerated aggression I was developing. My dad put me in


    various types of counseling but all it did was give her more reason to push me out of sight. She¡¯s all


    about appearances, and a kid in therapy isn¡¯t good for that.¡± For the first time in this whole confession,


    he sounds bitter as he says it, and my heart breaks for him. A deep churning tight pain that lodges


    halfway up my chest and suddenly I have an overwhelming need to hug him to death. I have to hold


    myself still, the urge is so deafening.


    ¡°So, this disorder. What is it and what does it mean?¡± I lean forward and put my ss on the table,


    thirsty for info rather than booze, and home in on his face, even though he is now staring at the neck of


    his bottle. Pushing my swirling feelings aside to get what I can out of him. I¡¯m not about to stop him


    now, even if his words are hurting both of us.


    I never expected I could feel this protective of him, and yet here I am, cursing that bitch and wanting to


    squeeze it all out of him with cuddles.


    He sighs heavily, colour appearing ever so slightly on his cheekbones, and I know he¡¯s probably


    fighting himself on every level to continue telling me. I¡¯m picking at wounds and hesitant with how deep


    I should scratch but I¡¯m like an addict who needs more. I would hate him doing this to me so it feels a


    little one-sided even though it shouldn¡¯t. He has more on me than I could ever tell him, anyway.


    I¡¯m so awed that I¡¯m getting this much from him, I¡¯m like a kid at Christmas, fixated on him and


    desperate for more. To understand, to dissect the man and hisplexyers. Alexi is way more than I


    thought he was. I could never have imagined us sat here and him telling me a sad story about an


    unloved child with real issues. I could never imagine that within half an hour of this I would be perched


    on my chair, leaning to him and so focused and empathetic to him that I¡¯m longing to touch him.


    This is Alexi levelling the ying field. Giving me the same ammo he has on me. It¡¯s a show of trust


    and I can see that. Letting me in to know things very few do and showing me that if he has the means


    to hurt me, then I now have the means to hurt him. He is clever, very much so. He nned this date to


    every detail, knowing it would set the bar on how things between us will proceed.


    ¡°They call it antisocial personality disorder in adulthood. It means I don¡¯t have the right emotional


    responses to certain things and have a lot of bad behaviours I don¡¯t see as wrong. Kind of a good fit for


    what I do, so it¡¯s hard to help it when it makes me good at what I am.¡±


    He¡¯s back to factual, maybe this topic is easier for him to exin because it''s less personal. He¡¯s


    exining a condition and not divulging the wounds his mother inflicted.


    ¡°What kind of things?¡±


    Cold-blooded murder? Sexual aggression?


    Maybe. I mean, I have to ask.

 Chapter 150

    Chapter 150


    ¡°Do you want the textbook version?¡± He throws me a wary look and I nod gently, impatient to know


    more about him, even if I am feeling a little wary. Mentally storing the name to search on google when


    I¡¯m alone. Even if he exins well, it won¡¯t be enough and now I want to know everything there is to


    know about what it is. This is a major thing.


    ¡°It¡¯s characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and criminal behaviour. Maniption, deceit,ck of


    empathy, sometimes controlling behaviour. Aggression, violence, pushing people into things I want and


    not giving a shit what it does to them. Sex is often a weapon and something I know I use. Doesn¡¯t


    exactly paint a good picture of me does it?¡± Alexi looks sombre, as though regretting telling me this,


    and realising he is doing the opposite of giving me a reason to trust him; for me, it¡¯s not like that. He¡¯s


    being honest about the worst of him and not hiding this from me. He is shining a light on the things that


    could earn my forgiveness, just by being truthful with me. Laying it out bare right in front of my eyes.


    It¡¯s not too dissimr to him reading those damn journals.


    ¡°It sounds about right for you,¡± I utter softly, trying to lighten the atmosphere. In the back of my mind, I


    wonder if that means he¡¯s incapable of promising to never hurt me again and something inside of me


    sinks like a lead weight, dashing hopes I never knew I had inside me. If he¡¯s only partially in control of


    the things he does, then how could he stop himself from doing those things to me again.


    I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to cry, a bitter disappointment flooding me I never sawing,


    and that lump in my throat consumes me painfully. Biting at me sharply right in that void where my


    heart lives.


    ¡°I have a shrink and I don¡¯t take meds. They don¡¯t work. And before you came along and screwed my


    head up, I was doing okay. It¡¯s hard to treat something like this when your job makes most of those


    traits a requirement, so my shrink is at a loss other than trying to keep me level. The only thing which


    helps when my head¡¯s racing is alcohol. I self-medicate asionally.¡± Alexi is so blunt and matter of


    fact about it, but his tapping thumb as he hits his thigh softly tells me otherwise. All that excessive


    energy I sometimes see brimming out is clear now. He¡¯s putting a brave face on a difficult topic and I


    blink at him, losing all reservation as I lean towards him. I feel empty and just need to w back some


    hope now I¡¯m armed with this.


    It also exins his alcohol consumption. He¡¯s not spiralling down towards an addiction; he¡¯s trying to


    keep himself centred.


    ¡°So, you can control it then? I mean, it¡¯s not like having an alternate personality that takes over.


    Snapping and beating men up in nightclubs for daring to touch me.¡± I push gently, a hint of humour with


    myst jibe that goes with my cheeky hint of a smile. My heart hammering and breath paused because


    I truly want to know if whatever this is between us has a future. If this is something he can ovee for


    me. I don¡¯t care how he treats the rest of the world, but I want to know if he can stay true to his promise


    that he will never hurt me again ¡­ never use sex as a weapon or crush my soul. If he can curb the


    violent outbursts I saw in Miami or if I¡¯m doomed with a man who is unpredictable and hostile, and I


    would be smarter to run away.


    ¡°Mostly. I never had an emotional conflict that fucked me up the way you did before. You brought out


    the worst in me, but it¡¯s not like that anymore. I told you I would never hurt you again and I never will. I


    promised and I won¡¯t go back on that. I¡¯m in control of me, most of the time. Miami was ¡­ booze,


    jealousy and a need to protect you. It was a one-off. I normally keep my shit together a hell of a lot


    better.¡±


    This time he gives me a loaded look, something in me wants so badly to believe him and I can almost


    feel him willing me to believe. I look away, processing and trying to keep things lighter than they feel


    right now.


    Miami was a lot of things, I guess. He saw a man all over me, and whether jealous or afraid I was being


    hurt, he snapped, epically. He could have killed him, and I can¡¯t forget how he was that night. He


    pushed me away and sent me flying and then after, typical angry Alexi all up in my face. Although, he


    didn¡¯t do anything to me, even though he was fuelled on rage and looking devilish to boot. Maybe the


    answer is in that memory already. He didn¡¯t hurt me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say. I honestly never imagined you had an actual reason for being how you are,


    or that I would ever see you with a psychiatrist. That¡¯s a major thing.¡± I get up impulsively, hating that


    the more he opens up the more withdrawn and closed off his tone and expression is getting, and I


    know this must be unbearable for him. He¡¯s trying not to recoil into the cold, silent sadist I know and


    hate and it¡¯s obvious how much he is trying to give me this. He keeps switching from a casual pose, to


    upright stiffness, and I can¡¯t sit over here aching for his warmth and watching it. It¡¯s painful.


    ¡°Yeah. Not exactly something a Mafia boss wants to admit to having, but without him, I don¡¯t think I


    would have any sanity left. Him and Mico, they are the sense when Ick it. Between them, they stop


    me going off the deep end and being worse than I am.¡±


    Makes sense. I always said Mico was like Alexi¡¯s walking conscience and I guess that is truer than I


    could ever have imagined. Alexicks the right emotional response to some things and Mico is there to


    point it out to him when he listens. It exins why he could be so cold to me and didn¡¯t seem affected


    by things that would break other men.


    I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m relieved to find this out about him or worried about how deep this goes. It unnerves


    me that this man might honestly never feel remorse for the things he does, even though he ims to


    know what remorse is. I watch him, my heart throbbing and my stomach turning over with a feeling that


    is very close to heartbreak. I feel wounded with the possibility that Alexi may never truly feel as deeply


    as he says he does, and I don¡¯t like it at all.


    His version of love might never live up to mine.


    Instinctively, limbs moving without thought, I walk over and climb onto hisp, surprising him and


    curling up like a needy little kitten. Needing his touch as much as wanting to give it. I feel like he just


    tipped me all out of whack again and sent me on another spiralling freefall and I need reassurance. I


    need that sense of security his touch gives me.


    He says nothing, just moves to amodate me and I slide my arms around his neck, nestling into


    him, needing to feel him and needing to believe he can love me the way he says he does. I need that


    more than anything.


    I want him to know what he¡¯s saying isn¡¯t scaring me away and I¡¯m willing to give him a chance. It¡¯s the


    first time since I met him, I can honestly say without a doubt he is being open and honest. I feel for him,


    truly. The pain he endured for something that was never his fault and he has tried all these years to fix


    himself. He wants to be a better man and that is the hope I¡¯m clinging onto right now.


    I never imagined in a million years he would tell me that.


    I never imagined, even an hour ago, I would be the one making the first move to close the gap between


    us physically.


    This Alexi, with all his ws and putting himself out there¡ªI like this guy. I could love this man if he can


    love me back. Maybe I can learn to trust him.


    Alexi slides an arm around my waist to pull me closer and rests his forehead against mine gently. No


    hesitation with being tender and it pulls me in more. My arms sliding around those shoulders and I curl


    my legs into a neat little ball on top of him. His body locking me close as though he might never release


    me; that safety I always yearn for envelops me with his touch and everything in me calms to a less


    traumatic hum.


    Warm andfortable on a strongp, pressed in the muscr arms of a firm body. He was built to be


    a protector. The perfect specimen of a man.


    ¡°I expected you to run for the hills already.¡± He utters softly, a new tone for him and possibly the most


    alluring in his whole arsenal, and I shrug. Feeling so much suddenly, tingling inside and out and I could


    stay like this forever. He somehow makes me feel right when everything around me is falling apart. Our


    conversation has quelled some of my ¡®ready to run¡¯ impulse because I think I want to console him more


    than I want to flee. Thest minutes of chatter has blown my vision of him to pieces, and right this


    second, he¡¯s just a wounded boy who needs my hug.


    ¡°I¡¯m not very bright and as you always point out, I like getting myself into trouble. I don¡¯t think I could


    find bigger trouble than you. I¡¯m drawn to danger.¡± I giggle softly and it works to crack a handsome


    smile on his face. He exhales heavily, blowing out some of his own tension but keeping me close.


    It¡¯s probably the most honest moment of intimacy we have ever had. No games, no motives, just nose


    to nose, so close it¡¯s like we are one and there¡¯s stillness and peace between us. If my stupid head


    doesn¡¯t kick in to make me jump ship and head for the hills, then I could get used to this.


    ¡°I know right from wrong if that¡¯s what you¡¯re worried about. I¡¯m not a psychopath and I do feel


    something when I ¡­ take care of business. Some of the things I do leave their mark. I feel remorse, for


    some things anyway, and I do love people that matter to me. I love you, that wasn¡¯t a lie. I may not


    always have the right reactions to certain things but the basics of what I feel works, Cam. I¡¯m capable


    of loving you and treating you right. Don¡¯t be afraid of me.¡± Alexi¡¯s voice is soft and husky, so close I


    can feel the air on my lips, and I gaze into those endless grey eyes.


    It¡¯s like he read my mind, dug into my thoughts and found the fear dwelling there. Alexi is still too good


    at second-guessing people, and in this instance, I¡¯m d to have his reassurances.


    I look at him for a long time, my insides turning to mush but always with that little niggle of fear in the


    background.


    ¡°So ¡­ you found out you were problematic, and your mother still shunned you. Then what?¡± I try to get


    it back on track and away from this lovey-dovey talk, not ready to go down that route, and Alexi¡¯s brow


    furrows a little. He knows I¡¯m backing off from romance and love talk for now, that¡¯s not what this hug


    was for, and he narrows a fixed gaze on my eyes. Taking the hint and realising this isn¡¯t cuddling up for


    smoochiness.


    ¡°Gino and I were slowly growing apart. He didn¡¯t understand or see what I could see. I resented him


    because of it. We looked identical, we are alike in so many ways, yet she adored him and hated me,


    and I couldn¡¯t understand why. I med my brother rather than her, as screwed up as that sounds. It


    was easier toy me on anyone that wasn¡¯t her. So, my behaviour got worse and I continued to be


    the outcast of the family. Always a loner and kept away from the get-togethers, even though she was


    the only one who pushed me out. The rest of them tried to bring me back into the fold and I guess it¡¯s


    why I now have close bonds with so many of my cousins. They didn¡¯t give up on me and weed me


    back with open arms.¡±


    I see that respect and loyalty every day when his men are around him. Mico and Jackson, they adore


    him, and I can¡¯t believe any of them would¡¯ve pushed him aside before he was theirmander. There


    are genuine bonds with his closest family, I see that. Another hint that he can, and does, formsting


    rtionships and controls his sadistic side. His mother though, what in the hell is she all about?


    Fucking bitch.


    ¡°At thirteen, you shot someone to save her. That changed nothing?¡± I push gently, trying to understand


    the mechanics of their rtionship. He obviously has some weird need to never me her, and I just


    can¡¯t fathom why.


    Alexi is keeping me close to him in what feels like a natural and soothing position on hisp. Nothing


    sexual in his hold on me. He seems as happy as I am to be connected this way. It¡¯s innocent and


    serves no purpose other than to give each other a little human contact while talking about something


    difficult. I don¡¯t think we have had many moments where touch wasn¡¯t loaded in sexual intent or some


    sort of maniption. Maybe after Feral, now I think of it. He only intention was soothing me and that¡¯s


    what I¡¯m doing for him now.


    ¡°You would think, but no. It was our birthday; she was taking us for ice cream because it¡¯s what Gino


    wanted. It happened so fast and it was him or us. I don¡¯t remember thinking about it, or hesitating; I just


    knew I had to save us after our driver was taken down first. He dropped his gun and I did what I had to


    do. It was over in seconds.¡±


    Just like that. A teenage boy with no previous experiences of doing anything like it and he stepped up


    to the te like a hero.


    ¡°That¡¯s why you don¡¯t like birthdays either!¡±


    He nods his head at me, and I screw up my face a little for him, curling up in his arms andy my head


    against his chest without thinking about what I¡¯m doing. It seems natural, and as I want him to keep


    talking, I know that not staring at his face might make him morefortable to do so. Alexi slides his


    other arm around me and holds me close, as though this is what we always do. It seems necessary. I


    wish I had let this happenst night when I saw those journals. Maybe I wouldn¡¯t have reacted half as


    bad.


    ¡°She was grateful at first, but then when it sank in, and she realised my response to what I did wasn¡¯t


    normal, she changed. I had no remorse, no regret. In my head I had logically done the right thing,


    therefore I had no reason to feel any sort of guilt. I saved my family¡ªit was him or us, and I truly


    couldn¡¯t see the wrong in that. My father understood, but she was abhorred by myck of emotion over


    it, and it was the nail in my coffin. She wanted me out of the house and away from my siblings, so sure


    I was going to turn out to be a serial killer and ughter them all in their sleep. She and my father


    fought all night, we could hear them yelling in their room about how unhinged I was.¡±


    The little tremor and hint of raw emotion as he trails off, says it hurt him deeply. To hear how his own


    mother thought of him as a monster, when all he did was protect her.


    ¡°Lexi, that¡¯s horrible. She rewarded your heroism with repulsive behaviour. Your mother is a goddamn


    bitch who should have stood by her son and helped him when she knew he had something to exin


    hisck of feeling.¡± I retort angrily, pushing upright again and ring at him as though she is sitting


    there instead. This impulsive anger shooting out from deep inside me with a fire that could melt ss.


    ¡°I killed someone, Cam. That¡¯s not normal, and then I felt nothing but justification for what I did. That¡¯s


    not normal either. Even I know that. A thirteen-year-old kid killing for the first time, I should have had


    some reaction to it! A trauma, maybe nightmares or some sort of after-effects. I had nothing.¡±


    He tries to exin but there is no dowsing my hot-headed temper when it erupts.


    ¡°With what you have, then actually I think it¡¯s perfectly fucking normal. You logically removed the guilt


    because you knew you did something good. Is she deluded? Did she miss the fact you were seeing a


    shrink for exactly that? Did she miss the fact you saved her fucking life and is still breathing because of


    you? Yes, you killed a man in self-defence and then you didn¡¯t cry about it and fall to pieces. That¡¯s


    pretty impressive in my book. I didn¡¯t cry over watching my mother die at my feet, does that mean I¡¯m


    crazy and unfit to be loved? I wanted to put the needle in her fucking arm myself and it was only a


    matter of time before I did. Self-preservation is a good fucking reason to feel nothing for taking a life or


    watching someone die without feeling. I think the only unhinged twat in your family has breasts and


    calls herself a fucking mother!¡± I rage at him,pletely overwhelmed with volcanic hatred at the


    stupid cow who shunned her child after saving her life. On a rant of epic proportions because this has


    hit me so deeply and I can¡¯t believe anyone can be so cruel and ungrateful.


    Is she dense? He saved her goddamn life. He did what any man would do in that position, but he was a


    child, which makes it even more remarkable.


    Alexi frowns at me like I¡¯ve gone mad.


    ¡°Not exactly the response I was expecting.¡± He smiles at me, brushing hair back from my face and it


    only angers me more.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m not an anally retentive fucking arsehole who cares more about her reputation than her son


    who needed her. She can go fuck herself, Alexi. Your mother is aplete knob and half the reason


    you have issues!¡±


    ¡°A what?¡± Alexi bursts outughing at my explosive outburst, a cheery break that sounds almost


    melodic in this heavy topic, and I re at him. Not simmering in any way but I¡¯m itching to march my


    arse to The Hamptons and give that woman a piece of my mind¡ªand a p.


    ¡°A dick!¡± I retort dryly and heughs more. Amused with my British insults and maybe just my general


    reaction. I¡¯m seething and he¡¯s not really dampening it.


    ¡°You and Gino have the same view on that. It seems me being evicted from the family home opened


    his eyes to what I¡¯d been saying for years. Gino has never forgiven her for it, and he cannot forgive her


    part in where my life headed. He thinks this is all on her.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m d, it seems your brother has a sense of loyalty and gratitude that¡¯s missing in your mother¡¯s


    DNA. What a fucktard!¡± I jump up, itching with this overwhelming hostility that needs an outlet. I grab


    my wine and take a huge gulp, so engulfed in outrage my body is tingling all over. A violent outburst


    seems necessary and I suddenly understand his rage in Miami and need to just pulverise someone.


    She threw her child out of his home at thirteen for protecting his family. What an idiot! She doesn¡¯t


    deserve someone like Alexi. Someone who will stop at nothing to keep the people he cares about safe.


    A man who would kill or die to protect you.


    Can she not see how huge that is? The sort of soul who sacrifices himself for those he loves.


    A man who has killed for me and stood in the way of any harming at me from the moment I met


    him. Alexi is my hero, maybe not the fairy-tale version on a white horse and gant armour. He is more


    of the dark variety and scarier than the devil, but he would never let anyone hurt a hair on my head and


    now I realise I¡¯ve always known it. It¡¯s why I fell in love with him, even when I had no reason to.


    He has gone above and beyond to show me he will do anything to keep the monsters at bay. Tracking


    them down to London and delivering a cold punishment befitting the crimes. He set up a shooting to


    orchestrate a protection n for me.


    What more do I need? It¡¯s shining like a neon sign, staring me in the face.


    He has never shown affection in conventional ways so he would obviously never show love in normal


    ways either. He has shown me in Alexi ways, repeatedly. Protecting me, swooping in and saving me,


    doing what he can to keep me safe. Buying me a bracelet on a birthday I didn¡¯t want to celebrate while


    still leaving me alone. Taking me to Miami with his family and trying to show me how to use a gun. It¡¯s


    always been about keeping me safe, close and showing he cares.


    He loves me. Why? I don¡¯t know, and will probably never work that part out, but I¡¯ve never been as sure


    of anything in my life as I am of that.


    He would put his life in front of mine to make sure nothing happened to me, even if he died. That¡¯s love.


    That¡¯s what his mother should have cherished.


    It¡¯s Alexi¡¯s form of love.


    Alexi tugs me by the wrist back to him and yanks me onto hisp again, a little harshly. What¡¯s left of


    my wine sloshing around as he pulls me back to how I was before, curled up against him intimately.


    Seems he preferred me on top of him and I don¡¯t fight him as I¡¯m enveloped back into a position that


    calms me down instantly. My fire dwindling in his embrace.This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    ¡°You¡¯re nothing like her.¡± He brushes my hair back from my face, fingers grazing my skin delicately and


    adjusts me, so I¡¯m satfortably once more. He takes my ss from me andys it on the side table


    out of the way. Those pale greys boring into my soul as he gazes at me. A serious expression, yet


    somehow soft,pletely captivating. Simmering me down to a low hum.


    ¡°Good, she¡¯s a prick of epic proportions and you don¡¯t need that kind of negativity in your life.¡± I snap


    and then smile in embarrassment as my cheeks flush at just how much this has got to me. It¡¯s even a


    surprise to me that I would react so venomously, but I can¡¯t help it.

 Chapter 151

    Chapter 151


    Alexi, the sweet, grey-eyed, handsome boy in those pictures, did not deserve that at all. He was an


    innocent little kid who had done nothing back then to be punished for. She should have loved him no


    matter what. She should have pulled him closer because of his ws and reassured him. He didn¡¯t ask


    to be different. It wasn¡¯t his fault.


    ¡°She put you on this path, Gino is right. She maybe didn¡¯t force you to follow your father, but all the


    bricks wereid in the years leading up to it.¡± There¡¯s a stern tone in my voice but he just takes my


    hand in his and inteces our fingers snugly, like he didst night.


    ¡°No, she didn¡¯t. That night did. It showed me what I was capable of. I asked my father to take me under


    his wing with his men. I wanted to be useful in a ce my behaviours could be a gift rather than a


    curse. I wanted to belong somewhere that she would never get involved. She didn¡¯t push me there, it


    was my choice, and he said no.¡±


    Still trying to divert any kind of me from her. He may not see it, but Alexi still craves her eptance


    even now. There¡¯s a part of him still suffering from herck of love towards him. I can see it all over


    him. She made him believe that no woman would ever love him the way I do, and it coloured how he


    treated me when I got close. No wonder he never trusted me. He was programmed to believe he was


    unlovable. A sadistic monster abhorred by women.


    ¡°He loves you. He didn¡¯t want you to follow in his footsteps at all, did he?¡±


    Alexi shakes his head and sighs heavily while I stare in disbelief, learning his father never wanted this


    for him. It doesn¡¯t add up. His father named him as his sessor; I know that much. How he got from


    that to this is a mystery.


    ¡°He eventually bought that house in The Hamptons to keep me in the family fold after almost eighteen


    months of my mother refusing to let mee home. Gino came too. I had a nanny and a housekeeper,


    but I spent a year of my life living with my Uncle Giovanni and his family and some time in Sicily with


    my Italian family. My father tried to keep me on the path like my cousins. Law-abiding, school, college,


    business, family and kids. That was what he wanted for me. It was never this, even now I don¡¯t think he


    likes it, but he has to ept what is.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t want that? A normal life with normal things?¡±


    I can¡¯t imagine it to be honest. Alexi in an average job with a doting wife and children while following


    the rules and going to church. His soul is too dark to be content with that get-up.


    ¡°No. I wanted to feel like I fitted in. I didn¡¯t in the life he wanted for me. I was still a problem at every


    turn, and I didn¡¯t feel things the way I should. I had a serious violent streak, and after beating way too


    many stupid kids at school he put me into professional fight training to expel some of it; he thought it


    would exhaust my aggressive tendencies in a controlled way. My mother hated everything about me,


    which only fueled my need to be aggressive. It¡¯s how I release my emotions. When I¡¯m sad, hurt, angry,


    frustrated, I need a physical outlet in some way. I¡¯m fucked up.¡±


    Also exins his need to use women so frequently yet never let them get close to him. He used sex as


    his way to blow off steam for all the emotions he can¡¯t process properly. The same way I kept people at


    a distance and was cold to everyone who grazed a little too close. The way I burned Sophie for making


    me feel something for her. We¡¯re not that different; he¡¯s just a lot more physical than I am and a lot


    more testosterone-fuelled and dominant.


    I can work with that. Understanding him, how he ticks. I can find a way to stop it from happening


    between us. His reactions every time I got under his skin, it was always cruel and physical, and he


    seemed to go too far. Then he would stop. Try to undo a little of what he did, even if I couldn¡¯t see it at


    the time. Alexi reacted with actions and tried to wound those who wounded him. I was a threat and he


    hurt me because I got to him. Yet he also regretted it; the signs were all there. All this has opened my


    eyes and a lightbulb flickers on.


    Physical exertion in different forms to handle different emotions. Logical ones. Sex for stress, sexual


    cruelty for anger or pain. Violence for rage ¡­ it¡¯s finally making sense.


    There¡¯s logic to him even if it¡¯s not normal male logic, there is a pattern which means there¡¯s a way to


    live with him and work this out.


    ¡°A no-win situation then. So, let me guess. After a few years of your father still saying no, you found a


    job and fucked off to the city to go it alone. Cutting yourself off from all of them and trying to figure out


    who to be?¡± I answer for him, seeing how this might have panned out, and he shrugs then nods at me.


    Oh, Alexi.


    That fighter in him and stubborn streak a mile high. He punished his father for saying no in the only way


    he knew how. Outright rebellion and istion.


    ¡°I got a job in a factory near here, spent my weekends getting trashed with fellow workers and fucking


    girls. I went to work, came home, slept, fucked and tried to forget the name Carrero.¡±


    Sex reced violence. Control became his obsession to make sure he stayed on a better path. His


    control is all about policing himself by controlling his environment and those whoe near him. He


    needs to be in charge to feel sane. No surprises out of his nned oues. No wonder I can make


    him crazy when all I did was rebel, stand up to him and do the opposite of what he wanted me to do.


    A control freak to feel sane. It¡¯s necessary for him.


    I pushed him as much as he pushed me. We drove each other to the brink.


    Alexi is a psychology goldmine. No wonder he has a shrink. I messed him up because he had no


    control over me or what I was making him feel. I was the worst thing that walked into his life and he


    was struggling to rein it in, while his gut told him to mistrust everything about me. After all, his mother


    taught him that no woman would ever truly love someone like him, because of the things he does. She


    ingrained this belief that he couldn¡¯t trust women because no one could love a monster who kills for


    those he cares about.


    And not to mention my own little reputation and what he knew of me. Manipting gold digger who


    yed men for money and screwed over my drug supplier.


    We were the worst thing that could ever have collided, and ourck of honesty only made for a really


    messy pairing. It was all games and deception while we both hid real feelings for each other and


    broken hearts.


    My head whirls with just how dented he truly is, that underneath that cool, calm exterior and persona of


    a killer is a lost boy who just needed his mother to love him. She set him on his path and then took no


    responsibility for how he turned out. Left him to go it alone, and he did. Getting so much more detached


    from emotion and sense as he did so. She made him the way he was so I can thank her for all he did to


    me in the past, for the mistrust and the cold heart he came at me with.


    Fuck her.


    ¡°Your father came looking for you though, right?¡± I surmise, guessing the way this story is going. He


    gave his dad no option but to take him on in the life Alexi wanted or continue to be estranged. His


    father clearly adores him and couldn¡¯t bear to let his son live like that. At least he had one parent who


    loved the bones of him, ws and all. Another reason he puts all his faith in his male family and


    henchmen. No man has ever let him down the way his mother did. She set the mould for how and who


    he trusted.


    It all makes sense.


    ¡°Yup. He came looking, offered me a position in the lower ranks with his henchmen, knowing I wouldn¡¯t


    want favours because of being his son.¡±This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    I already know the rest of that story because it¡¯s well distributed myth and folklore in the criminal


    underworld.


    He climbed the ranks of his family fast, because of how good he was at cruelty, violence and


    emotionless decisions. He was made to be a leader and was his father¡¯s right-hand man by the age of


    twenty. Alexi took over from his father at twenty-four, the youngest head of any Mafia family in history.


    His personality was almost engineered to be exactly what he is. Logic over emotion thinker, as long as


    no British redhead fucks with his head, who could carry out what is necessary to keep the family strong


    and safe. He pushes aside feeling when responsibility muste first. Alexi is the perfect soldier.


    Snubbing out life, making the hard decisions and feeling little to no remorse when he must act upon the


    worst of them.


    ¡°And now here you are,¡± I finish, making it clear I don¡¯t need more details. I¡¯m both enlightened and


    heavy with the weight of so much knowledge in one go. I thought I knew what I was getting, and now I


    see there is so much more to him than I could ever have predicted. It will take more than one night to


    truly get to know and understand how he ticks, although in one conversation I feel like I have made a


    huge breakthrough in understanding him.


    He¡¯s not what he seems. He¡¯s so much more. Complex doesn¡¯t seem like a strong enough word.


    ¡°Here I am, and here we are.¡± He smiles warmly at me, relieved at getting it all out, I guess. Once again


    brushing back the hair that constantly falls over one eye on my face and I bask in the softness of his


    touch. The proof that he can be a gentle lover and a caring man. The hints at something more in him.


    Alexi needs nurturing to show more of this side, he has spent so long pushing it away as an


    unnecessary part of his personality and now he is trying to reignite it for me. I don¡¯t doubt there was a


    time he was softer, gentler and much more tender with people he knew. That dead dog got to see that.


    He hardened over the years, much as I did, but there¡¯s hope. He¡¯s choosing to let me in, and he


    already trusts me. He did the hard part. Now I need to find the way too.


    ¡°You just wanted your ce in the world, where who you are would not be a problem. You wanted to fit


    in. I know how that goes. I know what that longing is like.¡±


    I sympathise, knowing how deep it can go until it¡¯s all that consumes you.


    Looking for that ce that feels like home.


    ¡°I excelled a little too well.¡±


    That¡¯s an understatement if I ever heard one.


    ¡°Your mother, does she still ostracise you?¡± I¡¯m curious about how things stand with them now he is


    master of their family crime business. Has he regained honour in her eyes now he is no longer an


    unruly teen runaway? Does she see the respected businessman, or does she know about his dark


    dealings?


    Knowing him, she probably thinks he¡¯s a banker.


    ¡°As long as on paper I¡¯m respectable and y nice when I go home then I would say we have an


    amicable rtionship nowadays.¡±


    That sounds strained. A loaded sentence for sure.


    ¡°So, you put on a good son mask and businessman of the year persona and avoid all talk of


    henchmen, snapping necks, and arms deals?¡± I raise a brow at him and he just shrugs.


    ¡°That¡¯s the norm for men in Italian Mafia families, London. Women don¡¯t get involved. She wants to go


    to church, do her charity bake sales and pir of themunity crap. As long as I don¡¯t rock the boat in


    which she sails then she ys adoring mother to her reformed son.¡±


    Ugh. The thought of it makes me sick. She gets away with years of neglect and abuse and is treated


    like a queen at the end of it. He¡¯s still dancing to her tune, even after all these years and all he has


    be.


    I hate her!


    ¡°How can you be bothered with all the fakeness?¡±


    There is enough dishonesty in his world. Home should be the ce where it doesn¡¯t live. Even I wanted


    a ce where I didn¡¯t have to put on a show and lie all the time. I found that when I was in the club


    apartment and it¡¯s a necessary respite.


    How he can stand to look at her is beyond me.


    ¡°I can¡¯t, that¡¯s why I rarely go home and fell in love with a girl who is nothing like that. I don¡¯t want that


    kind of rtionship, like my parents. I never did. There are enough lies and deceit in this lifestyle, I


    don¡¯t want it between us anymore. I want something pure with you.¡±


    I really want those words to be the truth.


    ¡°It¡¯s hard to forget everything and take you at face value, you know that?¡± It¡¯s not easy to go from a


    lifetime of trusting no one to trust the one person who wounded you deeper than most. Even if he


    makes it sound like a possibility within my grasp and something I might actually want.


    ¡°I know. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could shake the shit out of myself and realise what you


    meant to me way back then, I swear, Cam, I would. I am sorry for the shit I did to you; it still eats at me


    every time I look at you. You didn¡¯t deserve any of it. I should never have hurt you, in any way.¡±


    A lump catches in my throat, eyes blurring as tears threaten and I look away, not willing to let myself


    get emotional over this. I have to be stronger. I don¡¯t want to cry and turn this into a sob-fest.


    ¡°I thought you said this date involved Chinese food.¡± I deflect immediately, that pang of fear circling


    whenever we move to us and can sense the way he looks at me. Appraising my expression.


    He knows I¡¯m moving away from getting too deep into conversation when it turns to us and he lets it go.


    He doesn¡¯t want me to run and I have no energy for doing that anytime soon. I feel that subtle exhale


    from his body through to mine as he hides a sigh and I pretend not to notice.


    ¡°We have to call for a delivery, menus are in a drawer in the kitchen. We have till eight, then we¡¯re


    going out.¡±


    ¡°Why, where are we going? I have to be at the club for opening.¡± I point out, rmed as I didn¡¯t think


    this would be anything other than dinner. I signed up to a date, and in my head, it was to end before


    opening time.


    ¡°There¡¯s a private movie theatre near here that ys old ssics every night at eight. I figured it would


    be something normal and date like to do. You wanted that after all.¡±


    I did, but I thought we were doing dinner and then home. I get up sharply, pushing myself out of hisp,


    standing to face him down usingly, with hands on hips.


    ¡°What about the club?¡± I remind him. Something he seems to dismiss whenever it suits him.


    ¡°I already told Mico to get Joanne to cover for you tonight.¡±


    Ugh. I shudder at him saying it. I hate it when he says that wenches name. I hate the reminder of what


    he did with her and if I could physically peel her vile existence out of his mouth, I would. It just makes


    me narkier.


    ¡°So, you nned to make this an all-night thing then, without giving me a choice? And using my pale


    comparison to ruin my club without me pre-nning anything? I didn¡¯t know this would be that kind of


    date?¡± It¡¯s spat with hostility even he can¡¯t miss.


    He knows how to ruin a mood, even if I was warming to him and seeing the possibilities.


    I look him over angrily, annoyed at being coerced, realising that he¡¯s been drinking since we got here,


    and he brought enough booze to make driving home a no-go. Even Alexi doesn¡¯t drive while drinking,


    and I doubt he brought his bike to then abandon it. I can¡¯t believe I never thought of this or noticed his


    alcohol consumption.


    Wanker walked me right into being stuck with him all night in a very inhospitable part of Little Italy with


    no way of phoning anyone to get out of here, and no money for a cab. No wonder he made me leave


    my bag behind.


    Is there no end to how controlling he can be?


    Just when I think I can trust him and have faith in the less devious side to him, he acts like a


    manipting wanker.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t?¡± He looks amused, surprised that I¡¯m shocked at this oue and I lean back and re at


    him. Daggers and rockets all in one look. Proper rage moving in at being manoeuvred by someone who


    ims he isn¡¯t trying to do that anymore, and I stare him down.


    ¡°You said dinner. There¡¯s no after ns to that. I¡¯m not sleeping with you if that¡¯s what you intended.


    Sex is a no-go.¡± I point out bluntly, making it clear from the get-go that I won¡¯t cross that boundary


    anytime soon. If he nned a little romantic night here, then he can go fuck off and sleep up there


    alone.


    ¡°We can share a bed without having sex. We don¡¯t even have to get naked. Or if it matters that much to


    you, I can sleep down here on the floor. I have a fold out for when Gino or Mico used to stay.¡±


    ¡°Or option three ¡­ I go home after food and you sleep here alone!¡±


    I strop off towards the kitchte with my ss for a refill and yank out drawers for a menu, inwardly


    seething that he took liberties and decided what I was doing tonight while giving me no say in the


    matter. I swear I¡¯ll get a cab home if he keeps pushing his luck. I will thumb one down and get Jackson


    to pay at the club door if I have to. I walked right into another Alexi dictated n and stupidly thought


    he would be different.


    Fucking control freak!


    Alexi saunters up beside me, casually pulling a drawer open I hadn¡¯t got to yet, slides out a pile of take-


    out menus andys them in front of me quietly. I can feel his eyes on the side of my face and make a


    good show of ignoring him.


    ¡°You¡¯re sexy when you¡¯re pissed at me.¡± He has that whole husky, seductive tone going on and I grit my


    teeth and get angrier. I know what he is doing and it won¡¯t work. I¡¯m madder than hell and no Carrero


    charm will fix that.


    ¡°Well, I must exude twenty-four-hour seduction then, seeing as that¡¯s how often you make me pissed at


    you. You are quite the expert in angering me by the hour.¡± I sulk and move to filling my ss slowly so I


    don¡¯t spill any, and focus on deliberate, careful movements to convey just how furious he has made


    me.


    ¡°If all I wanted was to fuck you then I wouldn¡¯t have brought you here. I would have just made a y for


    you at the club and not put any effort in. I know how to get your panties wet.¡±


    I nch at that statement and catch the smirk on his face.


    ¡°Why do you always say such wanker things?¡± I turn on him aggressively,pletely enraged now,


    blood bubbling up inside me and outraged at the shit he says. Alexi takes the bottle from me as I get


    dangerously close to overflow and puts it down.


    ¡°It¡¯s honesty. I didn¡¯t bring you here for sex. I brought you here to get the hell away from the usual us.


    From who I always have to be when I¡¯m home.¡±


    Well, he failed majestically at that. Pretty sure at home he is also a major fucking egotistical control


    freak with no qualms about bending me to his will.


    ¡°I think you need to take a ss in romance 101. You''re incredibly bad at it! And honesty isn¡¯t always a


    good thing, especially when it¡¯s crass and ignites more rage!¡±


    Alexi turns me so my arse is up against the counter, not caring that I stiffen and try to resist as he


    cages me in. With an arm on either side of me, he moves in so close his nose almost grazes mine. It


    has the same effect as a dampening nket on a fire, and I recoil feebly within myself when pinned in


    the clutches of a man who very recently told me he has clinical reasons for being a violent, cold-


    hearted tosser.


    I should pin that to my mental noticeboard as a reminder not to push any psycho buttons on purpose.


    ¡°I want you; I won¡¯t lie and say sex isn¡¯t on my mind anytime I look at you, but you mean more to me. I


    want something real with you and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen. Even if that means


    getting out of myfort zone in every way, opening up, and living a celibate existence around you for


    however long you need.¡± He leans in slowly so that his nose does graze mine and my breath catches,


    losing all ability to stay mad when he has me trapped in his space. Air thinning as my lungs and head


    are filled with his smell. Always so heady.


    He pauses, so close I almost move forward myself to bridge the gap. Impatient suddenly with what he


    is withholding even though I gave him shit for kissing me already tonight.


    I hate that he can make me want to kiss him, even while telling myself no. It¡¯s satanic.


    ¡°Say I believe you and I¡¯m willing to see where this goes ¡­ what is it exactly you see for us?¡± I clear my


    throat, aware of the way my eyes are straying to those chiselled lips that are ripe for kissing. Cursing


    myself for this insane weakness in me for him and guessing that downing my wine on an empty


    stomach was a bad move. All the shit of thest twenty-four hours has clearly messed my head up, and


    sanity has jumped off a bridge. All I keep thinking about is his touch, even while telling myself to stay


    guarded and distant. ns going to shit due to myck of willpower.


    ¡°A rtionship. A real one. Exclusive, just you and me and no bullshit. No lies. No games. I want to be


    the man you need me to be and I want to treat you the way you deserve. As my queen. I¡¯ll move


    heaven and earth to make you happy, Cam.¡± Alexi lifts a hand and trails gentle fingers down my cheek


    tenderly, igniting a trail of small explosive goosebumps as my insides lurch with emotion. His words and


    touch are an effectivebination, and I¡¯m falling fast and heavy, with no chance of being saved.


    He¡¯s leaning so near I¡¯m almost salivating with the need to be connected to him and the urge to be


    kissed grows wildly stronger. His words are those I have longed to hear from him for so long and a part


    of me, a tiny little part, wants to believe what he said is true.


    I want to believe and hope he can be what I have always needed. What I have wanted since I first fell


    for him.


    ¡°If you fuck this up, I¡¯ll go. I¡¯ll leave you without a word and just disappear back to where Ie from.


    You won¡¯t find me a second time. There¡¯s no room for mistakes. I won¡¯t let you hurt me again.¡± I


    whisper so quietly I¡¯m not sure he hears it until he nods. Wrestling myself for self-control and hating


    that all my decisions are crumbling to dust as I surrender slowly, with every second I¡¯m with this version


    of him. My fight is dying, and I know it.


    I wasn¡¯t prepared to meet this side to him, and if I thought cruel Alexi had the real power, then I was


    wrong. This one, he can get into ces inside me, without touch, I didn¡¯t think anyone could. He¡¯s


    breaking me down and pulling me in.


    Alexi is inside of me in every way, and it¡¯s only a matter of time before I lose all fight and rejection and


    give myself to him all over again. It¡¯s terrifying knowing I have no will to stop it.


    ¡°That goes without saying. I know I have no room for error where you¡¯re concerned. Just take a chance


    on me, that¡¯s all I ask. I want this more than air.¡± Alexi grazes my nose with his softly, tingling my skin


    and erupting my senses to a fever pitch so I almost stop breathing. Poised and waiting for what I now


    need, rather than want. I need him to kiss me so badly I can almost taste it, but he stays still,


    unmoveable, and I wonder if this is him showing me, he will adhere to my boundaries. I said no to


    kissing and as much as he obviously wants to, he isn¡¯t going to.


    He really chooses the most inappropriate times to toe the fucking line.


    I get so frustrated I throw caution to the wind and kiss him instead. Push forward and stand on tiptoes


    to close thest little distance to him. Fast and impulsive with a passion that ignites the second his


    warm lips touch mine.


    Fuck this shit.


    I want him to kiss me and I don¡¯t care if I said no earlier. I¡¯m aching all over for that bind to him, that


    much-needed affection within my grasp and I take it.


    Screw logic, fear and ns. I like getting lost in his kiss, and the mental silence it gives me whenever


    he does. Thinking is overrated anyway.

 Chapter 152

    Chapter 152


    Alexi tilts his head as my lips meet a tad aggressively and cups my jaw with his hand to pull me snugly


    andfortably as he ducks lower. Pushing his fingers into the underside of my hair, mping me to


    him possessively and taking immediate control. Not that I¡¯m surprised orining. I have a serious


    weakness for this man dominating me the second kissing or sex is involved. Weirdly, as in life, I hate it


    when he exerts his authority over me at any other time. He¡¯s my alpha male though, and in this, I don¡¯t


    want his submission; I want him to devour me. He¡¯s his most impressive when he is in control in this


    way. He makes me feel desirable and addictive when he overpowers me sexually.


    He kisses me softly at first and then opens his lips to tease mine with them and traces my tongue with


    his. Sensations swirling, making me dizzy and giddy all at once. Waves of flutters rushing from my


    head to my toes and my body responds quickly.


    Alexi kisses me tenderly rather than passionately, keeping it to a simmer rather than a scorching hot


    make-out session but it still gets me breathless and heated to my core. Heart bouncing in my chest as


    his other hand slides around my waist and pulls my body to him so my curves mould to his hard lines.


    A perfect match. A body to make girls go weak and the confidence to use it.


    He pulls me up to meet his height a little more, so I¡¯m almost stretched out and then more, because I


    have ts on which leave me a lot smaller than him. He continues tracing my tongue and kissing me


    into oblivion until the vibration in his pocket courses between us and I jump in fright. Struggling to catch


    my breath and instantly turning red at how quickly I submerged myself in him.


    He chuckles when he releases me, just enough to pull his cell phone out and looks at the screen.


    ¡°Call for some food, phone is on the wall. I need to take this, it¡¯s Mico.¡± He leans in and kisses me


    chastely on the lips, an oddly natural moment that seems too fluid and then lets me go to wander off


    and answer his cell. Still within earshot but not so I¡¯m staring at him while he converses.


    I take a minute to catch my breath, steady my pounding heartbeat and get some life back in my weak


    limbs. His kiss just ruins me.


    I turn and flick open the first menu on the pile and browse the selection while trying to get my hormones


    and heart under control. Acting outwardly like I¡¯m not as affected as I am. Breathless and tingling all


    over from his attention and still trying to get a handle on my erratic mood. My heads all over the ce.


    Standing here taking a moment to gather myself and wondering what the hell I¡¯m doing.


    I pretty much just told him I¡¯m in on this. I¡¯m willing to see where it goes. I kissed him after telling myself


    I would y him to see him snap and remind myself what an arse he is. It¡¯s hard to remind myself of


    his bad if I¡¯m rooting for the good and secretly hoping this is what he says it is.


    I feel like an idiot for caving in the first hour of Alexi trying to be the nice guy, and I need to remind


    myself how much of a devious maniptor he can be when he wants something.


    Except ¡­ all he wants is me, so where does that go?


    Manipting me to get me to love him back ¡­ it hardly sounds like a bad thing when I put it that way.


    I push it aside and try to focus on the task at hand and the here and now. Food, always good for


    distracting me from life for a while. Giving my head time to catch up with the programme.


    I stare at the menu for a long minute, really pondering if he truly wants something between us, and all


    this is real. If this is who he can be for me. Failing at putting it out of my head and stopping myself from


    turning and watching him as he talks to Mico. I can still hear him; he sounds upbeat and happy and


    unusually good-humoured with his cousin.


    Maybe, just maybe ¡­


    Am I being weak and stupid and falling for his BS all over again?


    I nce over my shoulder, despite myself, as he paces around talking and he catches my eye as he


    turns, throwing me a sexy smile and a loaded look. My heart skips a beat and I look away fast, not sure


    I like the fact he has always been in control of my body¡¯s reactions and now infiltrating my mind and


    soul in so many ways.


    I scan the menu quickly to make a show of not being rattled, pick out a pork and mushroom dish I like


    and lift the handset. I already know Alexi¡¯s order, seeing as he has circled items on this paper, and I


    guess they are his regr orders. Only someone with a habitual order would circle his menus when he


    comes here, and it surprises me that someone as spontaneous as him has such rigid eating habits.


    Then maybe not. He likes control and safety; he loathes the unknown and not controlling oues, so


    I guess ordering the same dish isn¡¯t a surprise at all. I really am learning about him.


    I phone through the order and they tell me it will be thirty minutes. I hang up and turn to see he is still


    on his phone and sat on the bottom step of his metal staircase, kicking off his boots and gettingfy.


    Lost in conversation with his right-hand man and I look around for something to do while he¡¯s busy. I


    can hear the change of tone to serious and know they have moved to business. Always connected to


    his world in some way. Alwaysmanding, even from afar. It¡¯s how he is, and I don¡¯t mind it when it¡¯s


    not aimed at me. It¡¯s reassuring to hear how fluidly he can blend from this to that persona in a way.


    He wouldn¡¯t be Alexi otherwise.


    I pull out cutlery from the drawers and set up the trunk in the room for food, with tes and stray


    candles I found in beside the bowls in his cupboard. They are not the romantic scene setting type, but


    more of a ¡®power out and in need of light¡¯ stash that most kitchens have. I set them up on saucers and


    get the space looking a little rustic cosy. He may not have a romantic bone in his body, but I know what


    I like, and it¡¯s a candlelit take-out with a sexy Italian, making small talk. There is nothing wrong in


    setting a pretty table. I¡¯m all about the details and ambience, it¡¯s what I¡¯m good at.


    I walk over and flip through his CD collection, picking out a smoochy slow album from a band in my


    teens. Surprised he would even own it and stick it on his stereo. This whole apartment is clearly a


    throwback from his teens as I don¡¯t think people own CDs anymore. Or even stereos to y them on. It


    has an old back to the nies feel and I adore it. I never had much of a teenage part of my life, so this


    is quaint and cute.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    Alexi finally gets off the phone, saying goodbye while sounding upbeat and jovial and leaves it sitting


    on the stairs before wandering over to me. I know Mico is in the know about what¡¯s happening with us


    and seems to be keeping himself scant and neutral. Letting things develop without ying interference.


    ¡°I¡¯m guessing you ordered my usual?¡± He smirks and I nod at him, knowing he means the circled food,


    and go to sit down on the floor by the trunk, preferring that to a seat, right in front of his faux fire on the


    ss screen in the surround. It¡¯spletely fake but it has a warming effect and hees to sit down


    opposite me on the floor too. He pulls over his family album and flicks through it while swigging on his


    now warm beer, eyes down and nothing readable as he does so. I take a sip of my wine and watch


    him, aware that I put a table between us because I no longer trust myself. I need to stop falling into him


    at every opportunity and slow down. We came here to see how things could go, and at this rate, I will


    be naked and climbing on top of him before dawn, reminding myself just how good he is in bed.


    No sex. It has to be that way.


    ¡°What are your other siblings like?¡± I enquire genuinely, shaking the Alexi porn out of my head,


    wondering if he and Gino are a one-off or if their weird dark side runs among them all. Gino is no angel,


    but he has his Alexi moments too, just not as extreme. He¡¯s the tamer, more socially eptable


    version.


    Boring, in other words.


    ¡°Nothing like me. My two younger sisters are shy and reserved but my baby brother is a bit wilder. He¡¯s


    only ten though, so nothing major.¡±


    ¡°Wow. I imagined they would all be adults. I can¡¯t imagine you with a kid brother. That¡¯s weird. Do you


    like kids?¡± I ask cautiously, swallowing hard and wondering if it¡¯s something he sees in his future one


    day, knowing it¡¯s not a reality for me or even something I want. Kids put the fear of God into me. He has


    not mentioned what he sees in terms of children in his future, so I guess that means he sees none.


    ¡°I neither like nor dislike children. I have a lot of them in my family, so I¡¯m used to them when they¡¯re


    around. I never really thought about it. I guess I tolerate them.¡± He shrugs it off and slides the album to


    the floor,ing to rest his elbows on the table and gazes at me. Confirming my belief that he has no


    great desire to be a dad and I let it go contentedly.


    ¡°Nice touch.¡± He nods at the candles and I blush and look at the fire instead, wondering why I added


    the element of romance. My n was to suss him out and here I am egging myself into something


    more with him at super speed. I realise I¡¯ve set this room up for seduction, even if it was not my


    intention.


    ¡°Well, you need pointers,¡± I answer dryly, downying it all and it gets me that age-old smirk. I used to


    hate that cocky smile of his, but it¡¯s growing on me. It¡¯s hard to stay hating a man who¡¯s capable of


    being this cute. And he can be, when he is not scowling or saying mean things.


    ¡°The movie tonight is ¡®The Godfather¡¯, we don¡¯t need to go watch it if you don¡¯t want to.¡± Alexi butts in


    and it draws a giggle out of me.


    Of all the films to be ying, it had to be that one. Ironic.


    ¡°Very appropriate. I haven¡¯t seen it though, so I¡¯m game if you are?¡± No longer pissed about being his


    prisoner and not working tonight. It¡¯s sunk in and that kiss killed any sort of refusal. I catch him


    watching me in that weird casual pose that seems a little too human for him, and he shrugs with both


    shoulders.


    ¡°Sure, it¡¯s one of my favourite movies of all time.¡± He taps the table and picks up his beer again, the


    weird awkwardness growing between us now as we sit here making small talk.


    I¡¯ve never dated anyone in my life and right now, I definitely do not feel like I¡¯m in thepany of Alexi


    Carrero. I don¡¯t know how to behave with this version of him and I pick at my nails, fidgeting because


    I¡¯m so out of my depth. This isn¡¯t a controlled seduction to manipte a man. This means something


    and it has the power to wound me.


    What if he finds me boring and this ends up being strained and quiet, now we have all the heavy stuff


    out of the way? Nothing to say to each other beyond that.


    ¡°Why are you nervous? I won¡¯t do anything to you.¡± He observes smoothly, sliding his bottle to one side


    and reaches across to catch my hand and pull it back to the centre of the table. I let him, watching the


    movement, relieved he is still a keen observer and can read me without me having to verbalise. He


    turns it so my palm is upwards and runs his fingers gently across mine to tten them out, using his


    other hand to draw small patterns across my palm. It tickles and has an immediate soothing effect


    while also hitting me with immense tingles and dampening the sense of trepidation. He has a way of


    reaching inside of me in surprisingly tender ways for a man who used to instil fear. For a side he


    doesn¡¯t use often, he seems prettyfy in the role.


    ¡°I feel like I don¡¯t know you. This is all very strange and unsettling. I guess I¡¯m just trying to figure you


    out and how I should behave.¡± I point out, trying to sound unaffected. My voice is soft and breathy as


    the intensity of what he¡¯s doing overtakes me. These little touches, they¡¯re killing me. I¡¯m losing all fight


    and he probably knows it.


    ¡°I¡¯m still the same man; I just have more to me than first appears. Much like you.¡± Alexi watches me


    purposefully and I shiver under his scrutiny, looking away to gaze at the fire once more.


    ¡°I guess,¡± I answer quietly and shrug subtly. Unsure what else to say. He knows too much, and I regret


    that, even If I had no control over it. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me, instead of what he


    thought I was before.


    ¡°I do see you differently, you know. Have done since that night. Going to London, reading those books,


    seeing where you came from and the ¡­¡± He trails off and it causes me to nce his way, hating that


    sometimes our brains flow to the same thoughts; it¡¯s sort of spooky. It¡¯s like my thinking appears out


    loud and he somehow sees it. There was a certain something in his tone that sends off a little inkling of


    suspicion and I watch him a little more intently.


    ¡°What were you going to say?¡± I push for an answer and the stroking on my hand stops, confirming he


    is holding back as he pauses for a moment. He looks uneasy, his eyes dipping to look at my fingers


    instead of me and I know for sure there is something he isn¡¯t saying. Whatever ¡®the¡¯ was.


    ¡°Nothing.¡± Evasive, closing up and deadpan expression moving in. Alexi is shutting down to hide. I sigh


    at the appearance of his evasive manoeuvre.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that. You promised me honesty. You do not get to pick and choose what to be honest about! I


    think the Rick confession topped the shock so anything else isn¡¯t worth hiding.¡± I yank my hand away


    from him and catch his eye as hees up to look at me again. Hesitation written all over him as my


    fire burns bright with irritation once more. Angered that he says he will be transparent and then


    backtracks.


    ¡°Not tonight. You told me I should never talk of London again, so I won¡¯t.¡± The stern in his tonebats


    mine but I¡¯ve never been one to back down where Alexi is concerned. Even if that makes me a fool


    sometimes.


    ¡°Well, I take it back. I feel like you¡¯re hiding something, and now I won¡¯t let it rest until you tell me. So,


    spit it out, New York.¡± My guts coil up and my good old rattled nerves go straight back to being taught


    and riled. I can¡¯t let it go now. I need to know.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to ruin this, Cam. Leave it alone. Please.¡±


    ¡°No. Tell me. Finish that sentence, Lexi. I want to know. I don¡¯t like it when you¡¯re cagey and hold back.


    It has me thinking the worst and I start over analysing everything.¡±


    Think about all the shit and horrid crap that has me running for the hills.


    Alexi sighs heavily, frowning as he again looks at the table and this time his own hands while the flex of


    his jawline tells me he is turning something over in his mind. A flicker of those pale greys, that subtle


    clench of his jaw and my insides sink.


    I¡¯m like a dog with a bone now, so sure he¡¯s hiding something from me. And now he has put it there in


    my suspicious mind, I need to know. He will drive me insane with it otherwise.


    The tension is thicker than dense fog and Alexi is visually uneasy. He sighs again, a sign he knows he


    has no choice and then seems to relent, clenching his hand and rubbing his palm with his thumb that


    signals it¡¯s stressing him. It pushes my nerves to tighten and my stomach knots.


    Maybe it is worse than killing Rick. Maybe I don¡¯t want to know, and I should have left it alone. I¡¯m


    always too quick to underestimate what he¡¯s capable of, and now, staring at him and pushing for


    something I will probably regret hearing, my nerves are heightened once more.


    Alexi frowns, taps the table again, rubs a hand across the back of his neck and braces himself for a


    confession. He fixes his gaze on the t surface instead of me and seems to ready himself for a bad


    reaction.


    Inhale, exhale, a weird flicker of a frown and then finally he lifts his eyes to mine and looks apologetic


    and wary that I may be about to flip out.


    Dragging it out is killing me.


    This is not going to be good.


    Shit.


    I had to push for this, didn¡¯t I!


    ¡°Pictures, videos ¡­ of you. That scum kept a catalogue of both on every girl he ever ¡­¡± Alexi cannot


    formte the words, so repulsed by what he knows went on in Rick¡¯s world and I shudder at the


    memories, pped with what I was not expecting him to say.


    I was wrong. It is as bad. Maybe worse.


    My blood runs cold, much like finding out he had my journals and my eyes fly to his, gluing to them in


    wide-eyed horror. Fear, that he didn¡¯t just know of the existence of those things, but he watched them


    or looked in the folders and piles of disgusting media I knew Rick kept. It¡¯s one thing to read about


    those vile acts and another entirely to see it visually.


    I feel sick to my stomach, instantly paling and hit with a dizzy spell that has me clutching the table edge


    to steady myself.


    Why would he tell me this? I was stupid to ask, to push.


    I remember well, the hysteria and mess every time that manid hands on me. He loved nothing more


    than to document how brutally he used his victims and most of those pictures show me bloody and


    broken. Various states of delusion as my brain tried to detach from the horrendous acts befalling me


    and save me mentally. Sometimes I would float on the ceiling, looking down on my lifeless body and


    watch him ravage me until I bled. It¡¯s a miracle my body is not more twisted and scarred and


    dysfunctional than it is.


    Rick liked to document his perversions on film, in stills, and motion, for some sort of satisfying ego


    boost. He was a sick fuck who kept a filing cab of girls¡¯ names and folders and thousands of


    pictures he would make us help develop and store for him. That was how twisted he was. He did it to


    us, filmed it and then made us help him turn them into viewable items for his collection.


    I don¡¯t doubt there were hundreds of me, tied up, naked and broken in all kinds of disgusting poses with


    marks of his torture and debauchery on me. He would film his ¡®adventures¡¯, his newest ¡®kinks¡¯ with his


    little girls and save them for self-pleasure when he was alone, or to sell to his ring of perverted clients


    who got off on seeing kids ruined. Sometimes he would make me kneel in front of him and blow him off


    while he watched them on a screen the size of his wall. A projector, reliving the things he would do to


    us. I was not the only child he defiled. I was one of many of the poor unfortunate souls who strayed into


    his path. Stories like mine, with mothers who were wasted junkies and only saw children as a tool for


    getting high.


    ¡°Please tell me you didn¡¯t keep those too?¡± My hands and voice shake, barely audible as I try to get it


    out, shock giving way to a full-blown panic attack as I gasp for air and force myself to stay calm. Alexi


    shakes his head.


    His rage as intense as my pain as he too relives what he saw, and I know he must have seen enough


    to react this way. Maybe he didn¡¯t watch them all or flick through every image, but he saw more than he


    wanted to. That would change any decent human¡¯s opinion of the girls in that room of memories. That


    would leave a mark, even on someone like Alexi.


    He may be a monster on many levels, but he is not a paedophile or a violent abuser of women. The


    things Rick kept; they would scar anyone who saw them. I lived it, and yet the images I was forced to


    help file still traumatised me. I cannot even imagine what Alexi must think as I sit and die all over again,


    knowing that he knows things no one else could know about me. Things I never even wrote down.


    ¡°Everything I found in that ce connected to you, I burned. I wiped you out of that hellhole; every


    trace as though you were never there, and then I wiped him off the face of the earth for putting you


    there. I intended to just kill him until that point, but those pictures, those films ¡­ I¡¯m not a nice person


    when I don¡¯t have reason to be and seeing even a tiny amount of what he did, Cam, I made him wish


    he was never born, and then some. I¡¯m not sorry I made hisst days hell. It was nothingpared to


    what he did.¡± Alexi looks fiercely dangerous for a moment, that cold tone that used to send the fear of


    God into me, yet now, sat here, it brings mefort. That sadistic look and dangerous manner, they


    are all that¡¯s keeping me from crumbling on the floor and sobbing my heart out.


    A tear rolls down my cheek involuntarily. Knowing he saw more than I ever put in my journals. The


    abuse, being used, there was so much that I could have filled a dozen more books with, had I written


    about every time in detail. Alexi knows everything there is to know about what set me on the path to


    who I am now. It¡¯s horrifying.


    ¡°That¡¯s why you changed when I came back, isn¡¯t it? You and Mico, you both treated me differently.¡± I


    stare at my fingers, brain engaging as it all clicks into ce and now, I see all the little hints from the


    past few weeks. They both treated me like I was more fragile, more broken than they ever did before.


    Kid gloves and attention to the things they knew were real scars. It¡¯s why Alexi wouldn¡¯t stand behind


    me without apology. He knew it was all real and he was trying to make amends. He didn¡¯t just read


    what could be a story from an over dramatic girl. He saw with his own eyes. It would affect you so


    much more than a book would.


    He saw why I used to freak out, in the videos when Rick would stand behind me, and most of the time,


    he would gag me to shut me up because panic attacks were not something I could control. He liked it.


    The fear, the hysteria he brought out in me. Sometimes I would vomit and choke because the gag


    wouldn¡¯t let me expel it properly. He liked that too. It¡¯s why he kept doing it from behind, tying me down,


    holding me in ce by any means and savouring the terror he was inflicting. It was another level to his


    perversions that got him off.


    ¡°One of the reasons. The other was facing the fact that no matter what I did, or how much I pushed you


    away ¡­ I was in love with you. That you did nothing to warrant how I treated you. And I treated you in a


    way I¡¯m not proud of. I went too far. Blinded by a belief you only wanted to use me and hating the fact


    you were outmanoeuvring me so effortlessly. I was powerless when it came to you and I took it out on


    you in the worst ways.¡±


    Worse than even he could have imagined. He didn¡¯t know though. I can forgive him for not knowing any


    of this until it was toote. I see that now. He had noprehension of the damage.


    Alexi is watching me closely; I can feel those eyes boring into the top of my skull and yet I cannot bring


    myself to look back at him. My heart is aching, and my body is yearning. I feel exposed and naked¡ª


    ashamed. I feel like he has ripped the rug out from under me and I¡¯m sitting here with nothing else to


    hide from him.


    You can¡¯t change what is done though, and the only way forward is to let it go. I¡¯m not there anymore


    and what he saw is a long done and dusted ordeal from years ago. What Alexi did should be shelved


    with it all as something to forget. I¡¯m not there, we¡¯re not there anymore and much like the shock of his


    having my journals, the shock of knowing this will pass too. The pain of his cruelty will follow. I can¡¯t


    undo it and crying over it will fix nothing.


    Alexi killed the son of a bitch and destroyed all that tied me to him. In doing so he redeemed himself a


    little. He did me a favour and exactly what he set out to do. He removed a monster from my shadows


    and burned all the nightmares that held me to him. I¡¯m just reeling with the shock of it and if I breathe, I


    can move on, it¡¯s not the worst. I¡¯m no angel, some of what I endured was karma.


    It is what it is, and I have to ept my part of the me in everything and forget it.


    ¡°I have done plenty in my lifetime to warrant the treatment. Sophie will testify to that.¡± I mumble it


    quietly, knowing I¡¯m no innocent, and maybe I didn¡¯t deserve Alexi¡¯s punishments, but I have done


    things that warranted far harsher repercussions. I¡¯m not a good person either. Maybe Alexi was my


    Karma, and now my sins are bnced I can finally move on in life.


    ¡°You and me both. Faced with my equal, it¡¯s no wonder I couldn¡¯t look beyond to find any trust. I


    measured you by my standard and assumed you were doing to me what I intended to do to anyone I


    had use for.¡±


    ¡°More alike than we care to admit. Both guilty of things we should never be proud of.¡±


    There¡¯s silence between us as we both ponder that statement and the heaviness of the truth weighs


    upon us. We are two people cut from the same cloth. I understand him sometimes because I know


    what world he exists in and what it expects of him to continue to dominate it; he knows why I did all that


    I did. Born of necessity and given no choice but to survive. He sees everything that happened in a new


    light since my past wasid out in front of him. That¡¯s what changed how he treated me. He re-


    evaluated everything and took away the maniption and deceit, the lies and games, and realised he


    was ying a one-sided war with a girl who just wanted to find safety in the darkness. I guess I couldn¡¯t


    really find a man who would understand more than he does.


    Alexi moves the candle on the table, turns it and fidgets with the saucer I stuck it on, looking for a way


    to change the subject.


    ¡°I know you hate that I know things about your past, but you would never have told me any other way.


    I¡¯m d I got to see them. That I learned about you. Even though it upsets you, I would never have


    really understood if I hadn¡¯t read them. I needed to know you, Cam, needed to understand you. It


    changed everything in my head and brought us to this moment.¡± Alexi is still tense and poised but his


    words soften and the way he looks at me only adds anotheryer of shame. Lifting my chin to nce


    his way and see only a gentleness that wasn¡¯t a familiar sight on that face beforest night but one I¡¯m


    fast bing ustomed to.


    ¡°Instead of a gold-digging whore, you now see some broken abused kid who should abhor sex and


    men, right? Someone to protect. Feel sorry for. A victim to treat like fragile ss?¡± Ites out


    usingly, that need to hide my vulnerability with anger, a verbal outlet, tosh out when I¡¯m being


    exposed, but he gets up andes around the table instead of reacting. He reaches for me and pulls


    me with him, up to my feet, backs us up so he has room to get back to his space and pulls me onto his


    lap once more, in one easy fluid movement I don¡¯t have the energy to resist. This time on the floor and


    cradles me as close as he can get me in the hollow of where he has his legs pulled in, so my butt sits


    snugly on the rug between them.


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t. I see a strong survivor and fighter. A courageous woman, someone I underestimated and


    misunderstood. If anything, it¡¯s made me fall harder for you because I realised that despite all you have


    lived through, with mistrust and fear of men, you tried to let me get close to you. That I didn¡¯t just reject


    a love confession, I destroyed something special and rare. You¡¯re exceptional and worth a hundred of


    any other women I ever met.¡±


    I shake my head, disagreeing with the sentiment. Stirred by the words but disconnected to their validity.


    ¡°I¡¯m nobody. I did what I needed to survive and that¡¯s all, nothing any other girl like me wouldn¡¯t have


    done in the same position. I¡¯m not special or ¡®exceptional¡¯ I¡¯m just ¡­ nothing. I¡¯m not worth anything,


    not even close.¡± So much self-deprecation in the face of my bruised emotions, fuelled with his words


    that bring out only a heavy hollow pain that makes me want to cry. He frowns at me steadily, tilting my


    face to him with a finger under my chin and wipes my cheek with his thumb to remove the trace of my


    tear.


    ¡°You really have a major self-esteem issue, it¡¯s not the first time I have heard you say that. Do you


    really think I would lose my mind for an average girl? A nothing? A weak opponent? You fucked me up;


    you dragged me through hell and back, Cam. I would say it takes an exceptional woman to break


    through my steel exterior and find a way to tear me down. Many have tried and failed.¡±


    Alexi¡¯s determined tone and sombre face just gain another head shake. He has this all wrong.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything. You just assumed I did. I was honest with a man for the first time in my life and


    tried to be something more while losing myself to him and his games.¡± I point out bluntly, raising a brow


    at him as I lock my eyes on his and he has the grace to look guilty. He looks away first, at the table


    then at my hands in myp before picking one up and entangling our fingers together snugly.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. More than I can ever express.¡±

 Chapter 153

    Chapter 153


    The conviction in his voice, the gentle way he strokes his thumb over mine and pulls me to his chest to


    lean his nose against my temple, stirs a belief in me deep down that this is a genuine apology, for all of


    it. Alexi really does regret the past between us and for the first time, without doubt, question or niggles,


    I truly believe him.


    We have hit a crossroad and I need to choose a path. I can either dwell and continue to find fault and


    put hurdles in his way, or I can take his hand and see where this takes us. I¡¯m so tired of living in the


    shadows and misery. I have a longing to walk into the light and maybe my master of darkness will be


    the one to lead me there.


    ¡°No point dwelling anymore. The past will only drag you backwards.¡± I deflect the tender moment and


    push him away gently to give myself breathing space. Hating the route of our conversation and stare at


    the fire instead. Hating myself for being so conflicted and hot and cold with him, even if I cannot help it.


    Not knowing how to feel or how to be with him from one minute to the next is fucking me up. Trust will


    not be easy to gain, and my head will keep throwing a spanner in the works. I just need to take it as it


    comes, roll with the punches and trust my gut.


    The low, flickering orange and yellow and the mesmerising dance of the mes instil peace as I try to


    cleanse myself of the erratic emotions building inside me. Trying to find something steady and stable to


    pin my attention on for just a few minutes while I pull myself together.


    ¡°You haven¡¯t said much about his death, about what I did to him. Does it scare you? Does what I did to


    him change how you see me?¡± Alexi seems a lot less confident, his voice lower, softer, and it brings my


    attention back to him. I regard him for what feels like an eternity, turning this over in my mind before I


    shake my head and shrug, before answering.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    What do I really feel? I guess if I¡¯m honest, then not very much. A monster is dead; the world is a better


    ce without him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know Alexi. Am I repulsed by knowing you tortured an abuser who brought pain to so many like


    me? No. He had iting, and karma brought you to his shores. I knew who you were before I even


    met you. I know you have capabilities that most would be terrified of. I¡¯m not. Am I scared because you


    took his life? No. I watched you take a man¡¯s life once before and that scared me, but only because


    you didn¡¯t seem to react to what you did. I didn¡¯t know if I was next for having seen it. You were


    switched off emotionally, and I didn¡¯t think I had any value to you back then.¡±


    He wants honesty, so I¡¯m giving it to him. Start as I mean to go on. No more lies between us.


    ¡°Even detached at what I was doing, I could never switch off my feelings for you. It¡¯s part of the reason


    I lost my shit with you so easily. I would never physically hurt you like that.¡± He interjects, but I sigh it


    away.


    ¡°To me, you are someone who physically hurt me, more than once. Maybe not in the sense of hitting


    me or forcing me into something like Rick did, but you used things against me that did way more


    damage. I¡¯m scared of what you could to me, but I¡¯m not scared of the fact you¡¯re a killer. Ites with


    the job and I know you are probably as numb to it as I am with the shit I endured in my life. I


    understand the psychology of learning to normalise abhorrent things, Alexi. It¡¯s one thing I actually


    share with you to an extent.¡±


    Oh, boy, do I know about bing an eptor of the seedy in a bid to live on through it.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be afraid of me. I didn¡¯t know the effect I would have on you¡ªI swear. I thought it


    was lies and maniption, and I was showing you it had no effect. I didn¡¯t think there was truth in what


    you told me.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have many triggers, but Rick left his mark on me, and I¡¯m still trying to find the way to ovee


    thest traces of him.¡±


    I squeeze his hand, wanting him to stop exining. I get it. I know why and I understand it deep down.


    Looking backwards, over the past few hours, has opened my eyes to so much that happened between


    us.


    ¡°I know. I didn¡¯t exactly help.¡±


    Alexi needs to stop twisting himself with guilt over this if we are to move past it. I believe him. He¡¯s


    sorry, truly.


    ¡°What did you do to him?¡± I ask in afterthought, bing a little detached and numb again and this


    whole scenario seeming more like a dream as adrenaline fades and I suffer the after-effects of a


    comedown. Mentally exhausted by it already.


    I hadn¡¯t wanted to know before but sitting here with Alexi being so open to honesty, there¡¯s a part of me


    that does want to know. An idea of what my brutal abuser suffered before his demise. Maybe it will give


    me the closure I have sought my whole life. Knowing he got what he deserved in the end and


    experienced a tiny fraction of my suffering.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure telling you is a good idea. I can be a sick fuck. I know this; I don¡¯t want you to be even


    more afraid of me than you already are. I¡¯m trying to prove that I can be someone else for you.¡± Alexi


    looks ufortable once again and nces to his right to avoid me. Face forming a frown and I can


    feel the nervous energy all around us. He¡¯s worried that I¡¯ll only see the actions of a deranged monster


    and not the reasons he did them.


    I¡¯m past that now. I¡¯m not his mother.


    ¡°You tortured him?¡± I push gently, dismissing his reasons for not being detailed and Alexi nods without


    looking back at me.


    ¡°Did he die from that or ¡­?¡±


    I want to know. I want him to tell me and normalise this between us as an insignificant conversation that


    puts it to bed and gives him no reason to think I will dwell on it after tonight. I don¡¯t want him to carry


    doubt that it¡¯s affected how I see him.


    ¡°I put a bullet in his head. I was wasting time there when I should have been here looking for you. I


    ended it because I had better things to do. My priority was continuing to look for the woman I sent


    running. Does that sound like a sane person?¡± Alexi sinks a little and I guess he hates that he just


    walked himself into this conversation with me and is killing his chances of proving he can be what I


    need.


    This time I slide my arms around his neck impulsively ande level with him, moving myself to sit


    straddling him, he looks me dead in the eye, nose to nose once more. Close and personal.


    ¡°I knew you were crazy before I even met you. It¡¯s part of why I had the major hots for you the first time


    we did meet. Guess I¡¯m not sane either when you look at it like that.¡± I smile softly and lean in to kiss


    him gently. Wanting so badly to take that look of utter rejection from his face. All I keep thinking about is


    how his mother pushed him away for being this person, and even though I know it¡¯s not normal to love


    a killer, I want tofort him so badly.


    He killed for me, twice.


    Not because of blood lust, but to protect the woman he ims to love. Even if it included torture and


    terrifying acts of cruelty. I don¡¯t care.


    It¡¯s not exactly a romance worth shouting from the rooftops, but for a man like him, it¡¯s a sign he gives a


    shit about me. It¡¯s his way of loving and protecting and giving his all. As screwed up as he is, he felt


    outraged for what Rick did and exacted punishment befitting the crime.


    If Alexi didn¡¯t care then he wouldn¡¯t have done it that way, he wouldn¡¯t have killed him at all.


    Maybe I am as screwed up as he is because I understand it and I love him for it.


    ¡°I kill people, Cam, and sometimes, I don¡¯t feel anything about it. Remorse is not always a given when I


    feel it¡¯s justified.¡±


    I think he is trying to shock me with an honest reply and a neutral tone. Seeing if I will up and run, but I


    stay put. Testing me to be sure I ept this is who he is.


    ¡°So do soldiers, protecting their country. No one hates them for doing what is necessary. You do what


    you were raised to do and what is needed to keep your empire safe. To keep me safe.¡± I point out,


    confirming he has nothing to fear and pull his hands to my waist, encouraging him to pull me closer.


    ¡°Could you fall in love someone like me, knowing what you do?¡± Alexi slides his hands up my back, so


    he holds me as near as humanly possible, nose and foreheads firmly together. Grey eyes boring into


    mine, dissecting my soul. Searching for the truths he so desperately needs.


    ¡°I already did. Even when I was terrified of you.¡± I point out, voice dropping to a whisper befitting our


    proximity, a softness to match the feelings rising inside me. Alexi leans to the side a little, a head tilt


    that puts our noses side by side so he can get nearer my mouth and kisses me softly, needy. A gentle,


    chaste meeting of soft warm skin that makes my heart erupt in a million little flutters.


    Pulling back, he slides his fingers under my hair, cradling my face on both sides and draws my eyes to


    his as he straightens back up.


    ¡°If I could go back to that night when you said those words to me, I would change everything and undo


    all the mistakes I made. Those three words are my goal, but to deserve them this time and to never


    hurt you again. I would die for you, I will kill for you and I will rip this city apart if you needed it, London.


    I promise you I won¡¯t let you go a second time; I know what I have to lose this time.¡±


    Alexi¡¯s words pull tears from my eyes and my throat constricts painfully. There¡¯s no hint of deviousness


    in the hoarse, raw way he¡¯s saying those words or the prating gaze he has stuck me with. It¡¯s like


    he wants to climb inside me and make me believe him so badly, and all I can do is nod at him.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you the chance to make me believe. Don¡¯t fuck it up.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t.¡± Alexi silences my tears with another kiss, fuelled by longing and raw passion and I give in to it


    hungrily, wrapping my arms and legs around him and losing myself in the most dangerous ce in the


    world.


    In Alexi Carrero.


    Breaking away to catch my breath, I find myself back against his forehead, eyes re-joining. I trace his


    features with gentle fingers and admire the beauty of my devil man.


    ¡°You need to rx, drink some wine and trust that I won¡¯t cross your boundaries. You are in control of


    what happens between us.¡± He runs his fingers up my spine and tangles them in the tips of my hair,


    brushing through and then repeating the hypnotic touch over again.


    ¡°What if I add touching to that list?¡± I whisper quietly and he pauses what he is doing. Stilling with a


    finger wrapped in my hair, his eyes straying from my mouth to my eyes with that unreadable


    expression.


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll respect that and not touch you. Is that what you want?¡± His tone so soft and inviting and I


    impulsively shake my head. If I say yes, he will stop what he¡¯s doing, and I don¡¯t want him to stop


    touching me. I need his touch, more than I ever thought I would.


    Alexi has a way of grounding me and making me feel safe, despite everything, and right now he is


    calming my nerves with such a simple act of tenderness I would never in a million years have


    connected to him. Confessing his feelings for me enabled him to shake off thest traces of the mask


    he was hiding behind with me. He has shed the act to show me what he can be if I let him.


    I don¡¯t want to go backwards and give that up now.


    ¡°Tell me what you need, so I¡¯m not riding blind all the time. I¡¯m not good at reading you and I don¡¯t have


    a high sess rate in knowing what you¡¯re thinking.¡± He pleads, so desperate to make sure he doesn¡¯t


    ruin this.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. Time. Honestly, I have no clue. I don¡¯t trust people, so I have never had to think about


    how to let someone in.¡± I feel stupid for saying it out loud, and the realisation of just how lonely my


    existence has been hits me in the face. Before him, I had no one, and without him, I return to a


    loneliness that¡¯s soul destroying. He really is my world.


    I don¡¯t know what I did to deserve him, but I¡¯m not about to walk away from the chance of being his


    world too.


    ¡°You trust Mico and Jackson, don¡¯t you?¡± He raises a brow at me questioningly, like he suddenly


    realises how hard trusting is for me, and I hesitate.


    My instinct is to say no, but I honestly have no idea. I wouldn¡¯t divulge my deepest secrets to them the


    way I have blurted out to Alexi in the past, but I know neither of them would deliberately bring me harm.


    Trust is such a loaded word.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I answer honestly because I truly don¡¯t.


    I yawn and stretch out on the bedzily, stirring slowly like a cosy kitten waking after a peaceful


    slumber. A huge sense of weightless contentment waving over me like a warm nket in the moments


    before I fully connect with consciousness. I jump when arge, hot hand gently grips my hip in reaction


    to my wriggling and scares me half to death. Rousing me fully as I¡¯m not used to waking up beside


    someone, ever. My heart skips a beat for a second and sends me into instant sweats and floundering


    panic, deep inside. It alles back to me in a rush and I blink at an unfamiliar ceiling and a rotating


    fan that¡¯s too close forfort. Blurry vision clearing to bring my surroundings to me.


    Hazy in my sudden awakening, mouth a simr consistency to a furry carpet and my head aches with


    the after-effects of far too much alcohol and a night of walking myself to death. I have a monster


    hangover, head pounding me into oblivion as those first few seconds of happy waking ebb away into


    reality, and now I remember whose fault it is and who is lying beside me, breathing so deeply in his


    ownatose state of slumber.


    The devil himself, who kept plying me with booze and egging me on. He is the reason I have woken to


    suffer.


    I¡¯m lying in bed with Alexi and I take stock of that for a moment, forgetting my miserable state and stare


    at his face just inches from mine and hold my breath for a second. Absorbing the moment. Connecting


    the dots and seeing the importance of this moment.


    We have never woken in the same bed and it¡¯s strange yet warming in a way. He always gets up and


    leaves long before I wake, and the fact he is still here, touching me tenderly, holds me still and makes


    me analyse how it feels.


    What it means.


    Alexi chose to be here till morning, brought me to a ce I can¡¯t leave without his say so, and shared a


    bed without running off before dawn. Another truth to his words.


    Sure, it¡¯s a control freak manoeuvre to keep me captive in hispany overnight, but it¡¯s an Alexi


    move at romance. I wouldn¡¯t expect anything else from him, to be fair.


    He really wanted to wake up with me, like he said. So, he made it happen, whether I agreed or not.


    I don¡¯t even feel surprised at that.


    It feels nice. There are no other words to describe this sense of quiet contentment that waking in his


    arm gives me or the intimate way we are facing each other in the bed. Connected, close enough to


    share air although with enough space not to be overwhelmed, or for me to feel caged in by him. I¡¯m


    drawn to watch him. The rise of that wide chest and fall as he sleeps on under my gaze. Unaware,


    trusting, so powerful as a male physique but he looks so young and vulnerable like this. To lie beside


    me,pletely oblivious to me watching him. It¡¯s a show of trust. He let me get beside him when he is


    at his most vulnerable. Face peaceful and nk, but so youthful and pretty.


    I guess all those times I never really analysed why Alexi was a fuck and run kind of guy. I just assumed


    it was intimacy issues. Keeping women at arm¡¯s length and never too close and cosy. Now I think about


    it, it¡¯s self-protection in other ways too. He has a lot of enemies and being asleep beside some strange


    girl he just screwed, leaves him open and unprotected. I know there are women in his world who are


    used to get close to a man and be part of their demise. Women kill too ¡­ or let men in that can. He


    knows I¡¯m no threat at all.


    I have never seen him sleep. Not to my recollection and for a moment I see someone entirely different.


    Peaceful, gorgeous and has an aura of something that draws you close and urges you to wrap your


    arms around him. Something boyish and needy, aching for love.


    No masks, no controlled manner because he is asleep. My heart constricts with so much feeling for this


    man that I scare myself senseless with the sheer overwhelming depth of it and move away again,


    edging backwards to break his spell over me. Even unconscious he has a power like no other.


    A deep pit of fear grips me with the immense way he takes my breath away and rips the rug out from


    under me while doing nothing at all. I stop breathing in his presence, controlled by my heart beating


    only for him. He never lost his hold over me, he only made it grow stronger, and I¡¯m so stuck in his own


    brand of quicksand and sinking by the minute. Just looking at him reminds me that he has the power to


    make me want to stop surviving entirely.


    He¡¯s still clothed, with his arm draped across me possessively, while still maintaining a distance


    between us that allows me some breathing space. We are on the mattress of his loft bed, which is


    surprisinglyfortable for being on the floor.


    The room up here has a strange safe quality to it, tucked in the rafters with minimum furniture and


    belongings up here. The open metal balcony gives it an airy feel despite being a tiny space and I feel a


    million miles away from anything that is Carrero, or part of his world but I think that was always his


    intention.


    To take me from all I know of him and have formed in my mind about him. To bring me to a neutral


    ce, dressed differently, cut off from anything else that is our norm. Disconnected from Alexi Carrero


    and his empire and showing me the real him¡ªLexi. He can be so much more than I ever gave him


    credit for. This ce,st night, it was all proof of that.


    He¡¯s clever, I always knew that, but now I think about thest twelve hours, I see he really thought


    about the best way to lower my guard and convince me he could be something more. It worked,


    judging by the way I¡¯m staring at him like a lovesick fool. Hepletely changed me from abative


    ¡®No¡¯ to a hopeful ¡®I want to see where this goes¡¯ all in the space of one date.


    Devil of a man, that he is.


    I¡¯m still not really feeling this ce is suited to the man I know but I¡¯m understanding some of the


    connections. It¡¯s in the fine details of his belongings and personal choices within these walls and I no


    longer doubt that it belongs to him. His secret bolthole and a ce so special it means something to


    have brought me with him. I believe him when he says he allows only a few he trusts toe here.


    Last night I poured over his book collection while teasing him relentlessly and realised the authors


    reflect the ones he has lying in the apartment over the club. He has every Stephen King book in


    existence for a start. Duplicates here. The eclectic collections have hints of things I know he likes, and


    the CD variety is the same music he ys in the office. Alexi knows what he likes and is consistent. He


    doesn¡¯t deviate. Little clues to remind me, none of this is a lie.


    I roll away from him gently, slowly and work myself to the edge of the mattress where I can step off the


    bed easily, which is practically on the floor. I stretch my legs out before attempting to get up and inch


    out of his grasp, so I don¡¯t wake him up. His hand finally slides from my body as I get further away, out


    of his natural reach, but he just continues to inhale and exhale silently, no movement from him at all


    when I get free.


    He looks beautifully peaceful, in all his handsome glory. That face sporting dark shadows of impending


    stubble. Ruffled hair, jet ck and gloriously sexy when it¡¯s not in its usual styled and groomed manner.


    Casual and rough around the edges, creased and rumpled. It suits him more than I thought it would.


    Makes him approachable, softer somehow. Like he is an actual human and not some cool, tailored


    control freak who lives in sharp suits and sinister scowls.


    He is dressed in a tee and jeans, although he¡¯s barefoot, and it¡¯s a nice outfit for showing off toned


    arms, a lot of ck ink from his tattoos and the perfect profile of that face. Alexi looks underwear model


    worthy like this,id in crumpled white sheets, one arm bent and propped under his head to support it.


    Smoking hot if I do say so myself. I could stare at him all day and never get bored of that sexy man.


    I tear my eyes away to sit up. I steady myself on the mattress and force myself upright properly, despite


    the woozy wave of nausea and dizziness which hits me full force as I do so. Head pounding intensely


    and room swimming as I try to hold myself together. I think I might still be a tad drunk and already that


    washing machine stomach is making me regret letting myself get so wasted with him. Ipletely let


    myself gost night, no concerns about getting so drunk I could barely function.


    My gut had convinced me I should trust him to take care of me. I mean, it¡¯s what he does after all. He is


    very good at it when he isn¡¯t being a violent psycho.


    We had our Chinese food and went to that little movie house he told me about, merry and rxed with


    all our heavy topics of conversationid to rest. Food was a wee break to the emotional stuff, and


    we ended up talking about the vaguest things. I never just sat and talked to him for the sake of doing so


    before, and it was weird how easily we could talk about nothing and everything, and I forgot myself and


    just chilled in his sparklingpany. Seeing why the women in his family feel adoration for him. He can


    be incredibly easy to spend time with when he isn¡¯t trying to manipte the scenario or teach you a


    lesson. He¡¯s easy going when he has nothing to battle you over.


    We drank both bottles of wine to loosen up while we ate and a couple more that we picked up on the


    walk back from seeing ¡®The Godfather¡¯. It was nice. Mellow andfortable and then we came back


    here, yed music, teased each other mercilessly and talked about the film. We talked more about


    random, trivial crap, like if Mico will ever bite the bullet and marry Mandy, and Jackson¡¯s birthday


    coming up, what we wanted to surprise him with for that. Normal people stuff, like every day couples


    do, and we got a little drunk in the process.


    Okay, we got more than a little. We got so drunk he had to carry me up the stairs, in fits of giggles, and


    I finally got to hear himugh properly. Alexi¡¯s genuine, non-guarded and having a good timeugh.


    The most perfect sound in the world. Dimples in all their glory.


    He had to haul me over his shoulder when I almost fell down the stairs backwards before we finally got


    on the bed up here with a DVD on his tv until we fell asleep. A drunken stupor on my part, with my


    head on his chest, watching something full of action, shooting and sexy movie stars who jumped out of


    helicopters.


    It was surreal.


    Like being out with a regr guy, getting drunk and a lot of kissing. Alexi pulled me over at every


    opportunity on the walk to and from the theatre to get his tongue in my mouth and the drunker we got,


    the riskier those kisses got. I swear I was not the one stopping sex and I cringe at the memory of how


    stupid I was.


    I was a wanton whore who got her hands down his pants in the stairwell and had myself a good grope


    of his obvious erection. Feeling very powerful that I could make him groan, yet so drunk I lost all my


    inhibitions and just wanted a release to how horny he was making me. I remember every detail of


    rubbing myself up against him, plying him with my full-on seductive moves and flirty behaviours. I¡¯m a


    seasoned pro and he knew loud and clear I wanted sex. I was not about to stop it either.


    Alexi, however, was a perfect gentleman who kept his hands above waist level and kept things PG-ish,


    for him anyway, surprisingly. He pulled my wandering fingers out of his jeans and threatened to tie me


    to the bed if I didn¡¯t stop torturing him. Pretty sure he was hoping to follow through on that threat,


    knowing his love of bondage.


    He didn¡¯t let it develop though, no matter how hard I pushed. Even when I got huffy and told him to stop


    being a killjoy and screw me already, he turned me down t and reminded me that sober Cami


    would cut off his balls if she woke up naked next to him.


    He had a point and I would have if I woke up with the memory of him taking advantage of me in my


    altered state of mind. Another show that I can trust him if I set a boundary and am not able to genuinely


    remove it. He respected me, in a way I never thought someone like him would.


    I remember the basics, but I¡¯ve lost a lot of the finer details of the night in a blurry merry haze of being


    ddered drunk, although I do remember feeling safe. The whole time, I just felt wrapped in a bubble


    of secure warmth, where nothing could ever get at me. Stuck to his side as though I knew he wouldn¡¯t


    let anything happen to me again. I never knew that kind of security, before him. No one in my life ever


    took care of me or kept me safe. Not even my mother.


    Alexi was looking after me though, and I let go for once and trusted someone to watch my back. I don¡¯t


    remember ever getting that drunk in thepany of anyone without any niggles of fear, so it amazes


    me to think I allowed myself to be that vulnerable while with him. Miami was a start,st night I


    truly loosened up. I guess there is hope for us after all.

 Chapter 154

    Chapter 154


    The awkwardness and weird strained silence disappeared once the wine flowed more freely, and we


    found we had a lot of things we could talk about between movies. Alexi is funnier than I thought he


    could be, with a dry humour not unlike mine, a wicked childish streak that can be adorable when it


    shines through. He annoyed me immensely, more than once, and we bickered frequently, but he just


    swooped in and shut me up mid rage with a tongue in my mouth. He¡¯s too good at doing it, like stealth


    snogging and you don¡¯t see himing at all. My legs gave out and body melted the second his lips


    glued to mine and I ceased to think about anything, except him.


    This morning, however, in the cold light of day with a mega headache and fuzzy brain, waking up cosily


    by his side, all my doubts and fears dive right back in.


    I shouldn¡¯t forget who he is and what he can do. I have to be smart and keep my heart shielded until I


    suss out if this thing between us can work. There is a lot at risk, and my sanity is still in recovery from


    being burned by him before.


    You don¡¯t forget the wolf just because he wears sheep¡¯s wool well. Alexi is still a demon under that


    pretty face, I just haven¡¯t given him cause to show it yet. He is on the charm offensive because I¡¯m


    something he wants. When the novelty wears off or I give him a reason to be mad, then we shall truly


    see who he really is.


    The true proof of whether I can trust him will be when I disobey him and make him angrier than hell.


    If he punishes me, I¡¯m gone. That¡¯s my hard limit. I won¡¯t forgive him for inflicting pain on me, even if it


    is only emotional.


    I just don¡¯t know if I deliberately want to push it anymore, to see. A part of me tells me I¡¯ll get my


    answers and then I can walk away unscathed. Then the other part of me is clinging onto this little ray of


    hope that just maybe, he will not disappoint me or hurt me like he keeps promising.


    The guy I was withst night is someone I could truly fall head over heels in love with. Even though


    technically I already am. It¡¯splicated and my head and heart is aplete mess. I don¡¯t know


    which way is up anymore and I¡¯m dealing with a man who can be twopletely different people,


    depending on where he is and what he wants. He wears many coats and can turn in the blink of an


    eye. I shouldn¡¯t underestimate what he is capable of.


    He is a cold killer with a serious sinister side.


    I should never forget that.


    He¡¯s still asleep, nose against his own shoulder and looking sexily scruffy, lying face down and


    sprawled out like he owns the space around him. Like this, it¡¯s easy to imagine a future with him and a


    chance at something that might work. A gentleman who made me feel like I would never have reason


    to fear or doubt him. A guy who gave me goosebumps and butterflies and bowled me over and flipped


    me upside down with this new side to him.


    Therein lies his lure. Alexi can appear to be exactly what I want because he knows how to read and


    y me. He knows about me and my deepest secrets, therefore he knows how to be, and who to be if


    he wants to make me fall under his spell all over again. I still don¡¯t trust him when I remember he is a


    wolf who can bend and change to manipte what he wants out of people. Including me.


    I watch him for a moment again, looking at him and pondering things. Torn in two and only seeing who


    was here with me all night.


    We didn¡¯t get under the duvetst night; I remember that much, both fully clothed we had one fur throw


    over us that we brought up here from the chairs. The wine went to my head, and within minutes of


    being curled up here against him, in this secret hiding hole he calls his sanctuary, I fell asleep like some


    trusting idiot and slept in his arms.


    He is the first man I have ever done that with.


    Felt at peace enough to sleep without fear. I didn¡¯t wake from bad dreams either. In fact, I don¡¯t think I


    dreamt at all, not once.


    I move slowly to get up as I desperately need the loo, dder fit to burst if I sit here much longer,


    making hime to a little as my weight makes the bed dip and then release, but all he does is move


    his face to the other side, slide his arm up under the pillow and fall back asleep. Lying on his stomach,


    so all I get is that sexy haircut and a peek of the dragon tattoo. Peaceful and angelic, like a true devil


    hiding all that evil out of sight. I watch him for a second until his breathing returns to heavy and steady;


    holding my breath before I get up to work my way downstairs to the bathroom with as little noise as


    possible.


    As I slide up and out, my butt nudges the books on the shelf at the end of the bed and I mber to grab


    the scattering objects before they thud to the ground and rouse him. I just want some alone time to get


    my shit together before he wakes up. I need the headspace and serenity of time alone now I¡¯m on the


    way to being sober. I need to process and just have a minute to breathe.


    I turn the books the right way up and try to slide them back into the shelves silently when the title of the


    first catches my eye and stops me pushing it in. It¡¯s a psychology textbook about his personality


    condition and I impulsively tip it sideways to let the pages flip open for a quick nosey. That part of me


    that is eager to know more about what it means in terms of him as a person kicking in. I scan the words


    eagerly, desperate for more insight.


    It has a lot of highlighted lines and notes in handwriting I recognise as his, and I feel like I¡¯m being way


    too intrusive. Highlighted paragraphs on self-therapy and such. A few lists scrawled in the margins of


    techniques to self-calm and a lot of website links. Proof that he tries to change how he is, a little ray of


    hope for my confused soul.


    I close it and push it back in beside a ck leather-bound book, heart racing slightly in case he sees


    me going through this stuff and I pause to examine it. Interest piqued because it seems out of ce


    among textbooks. It looks like a journal and when I pull it out and open it, I find that it is.


    Alexi has his counsellors name inside the cover on a little contacts sticker and I wonder if this is a


    therapy journal, when they make you write out your feelings and thoughts. I¡¯ve never had a psychiatry


    appointment, but a couple of my regrs did and were very open about the process, sharing their


    diaries and leaving them in in sight. Apparently, it¡¯s amon way to give the doctor insight into


    your thoughts and feelings and is a healthy way to help you vent the things you might not otherwise


    say.


    I push it back and stare at it for a second, feeling like I¡¯m crossing a boundary, and this is a gross


    invasion of his privacy.


    Alexi read my journals so it would only be fair to read what might be an insight into his head, somehow


    though I know he wouldn¡¯t like it, even if he has already been there and done that. He trusts me


    enough to tell me about this stuff, it¡¯s a step too far to take that knowledge for myself.


    I let it go, sort the books back into ce and get up quickly, leaving it be and knowing it¡¯s the right


    choice. If he wants me to know, then he will let me read it on his terms. I don¡¯t nce back in case the


    urge is stronger than my willpower and make my way downstairs to his bathroom. Head swirling with


    the fact he seeks out ways to better himself. That says a lot about how his head works.


    Of course, I¡¯m curious about him, but I don¡¯t want to snoop this way. I want him to tell me, answer any


    questions I have, and it wouldn¡¯t hurt to do some research online about ADHD and this disorder. Maybe


    that¡¯s all the information I¡¯ll need. Maybe I¡¯ll get answers beyond anything I expected to get, just by


    learning about it in a way he won¡¯t need to know about.


    I slide into the door at the bottom of the stairs, quietly tiptoeing into the small tiled room. The bathroom


    matches the rest of this studio loft apartment in that it¡¯s rustic and very far away from money and


    grandeur. He has a tub with a shower over it, shielded with a simple white shower curtain and industrial


    fixtures and fittings. The basic bare necessities in here, toilet, sink with very few toiletries and no real


    d¨¦cor or trinkets to style it. A functional bathroom owned by a dude with very little concern for home


    furnishings when taking a dump or shaving his face.


    It¡¯s more Alexi than I realised. His bathroom at the club may be modern and sexy but it¡¯s as stark as


    this with nothing personal and not a lot of grooming products on show. He likes uncluttered simple


    routines to get ready, nothing changed there.


    I think about getting cleaned up before he wakes when I catch sight of myself in the mirror over the sink


    as I turn around and close the door. My reflection is pitiful, and I look like I¡¯ve been dragged through a


    hedge with smudgy makeup and obvious sign of alcohol abuse. I look a fright and I definitely do not


    want him to see me looking this shit this morning. The old me would never be caught dead looking this


    hellish in the presence of a man.


    I know he has seen me looking worse in the past. Tear stained, drunk, soaking wet and even sick, but


    none of those times did I think I had a chance in hell of anything with him. It¡¯s different now. Knowing


    there¡¯s something real between us that could grow, I¡¯m suddenly very self-conscious with how I look


    around him. Deep down I want him to want me and I can¡¯t exactly pull off seduction when I look like


    this.


    A hangover is not a good look, it¡¯s like junkie chic after an overdose. Something I left on the streets of


    Hackney when I bought my first designer dress.


    I barely get a chance to wash my face when I catch wind of his footsteps on the metal stairway, softly


    padding down towards me and quickly pat it dry to make myself presentable. Brushing my fingers


    through my hair quickly, trying to fluff it out and tame the wild bed head. Acting like some desperate


    teen whose crush just came sauntering in and cursing myself for such juvenile behaviour. I have more


    skill than this, more experience in ying men, and I need to stop putting him on some higher pedestal.


    No man has ever got me in a tizzy the way he does and it¡¯s uncool. Lame as hell.


    He is male; therefore, the fundamental basics are the same. He is no different to any other man I have


    ever seduced and coerced, only this one has an actual invested interest in me that should make him


    easier to sway.


    Well, it would if he wasn¡¯t Alexi Carrero.


    The fact remains, I need to stop overthinking and just be calm around him; do what I would normally do


    to entice a sexy beast with pale eyes and a soulless aura that draws you to the underworld with him.


    Be me. I mean he fell for me, without my trying. I need to have more faith in that. Stop panicking that I


    won¡¯t match up to his expectations when really, he knows all the worst of me, and it hasn¡¯t sent him


    running for the hills at all.


    I¡¯m makeup free, rosy-cheeked and a little blushed from using cold water to wake myself up and not


    exactly the cat liner temptress I normally am. I look like a very young and innocent me, who is


    completely out of her depth.


    ¡°You in there?¡± Alexi taps the bathroom door gently, making my heart flip over with nerves and I open it


    rather than answer, smiling shyly, getting hit with just how good he looks ruffled and sleep creased in


    his clothes. He doesn¡¯t seem to have any hang-ups on me seeing him straight out of bed, anyway. Not


    that he should. It¡¯s inhuman how good he looks.


    He¡¯s still too fuckable by any standard, even with slight dark circles and a lot of morning stubble. Just


    my luck I would bag the one man in the world who looks hotter with a hangover, not worse, all while I


    look like crap.


    His stubble is about 3mm away from beard stage and I reach out and run my fingers across his chin


    impulsively as soon as he gets close, as though I¡¯m an inquisitive child eager to feel this crazy


    phenomenon that grows fast on that tanned face. I guess it¡¯s because he¡¯s olive-skinned and foreign


    with ck hair that erupts at the speed of light. He must shave twice a day to keep that baby-faced


    clean-shaven look he usually sports. I hate to admit, but I like this just as much. It highlights that sexy


    square jaw and masculine look he so effortlessly has. Makes him even more rugged and badass and


    has the same knee-weakening effect as when he is in a power suit sat at his desk.


    ¡°Good morning to you too.¡± Heughs in a carefree, cute, gorgeous dimpled way at my childish groping


    and leans in to kiss me gently on the lips. Chaste and closed mouth, but it does stupidly weird things to


    my insides, and I know that the longer I¡¯m around this version of him, the harder I¡¯m falling. Kissing is


    now our thing, afterst night, it seems. I¡¯m notining; I sort of like the affection it shows from


    him. His need to just touch me in such an intimate way. Softening me and bringing back that dreamy


    quality to being around him.


    He¡¯s potent, infectious, and I was stupid to believe I could resist him. I fell in love when he was at his


    worst, I have no chance of staying unaffected when he is trying to be his best for me. Not when he is


    like this.


    ¡°Morning. We sleptte.¡± I pull my hands back, away from being a little too eager on that face and


    brush my clothes down, aware of his closeness and able to inspect my in face more readily. Self-


    conscious of my appearance andck of ability to keep him at arm¡¯s length after such a cosy and full-


    on night with him. Dismissing the gushy feelings invoked by a sweet greeting kiss.


    Last night I had wanted him so badly, throwing caution to the wind and pawing at him mercilessly. If he


    had pushed me up against a wall and tried for sex, I¡¯m pretty sure my knickers would have fallen by


    themselves. I know I came stupidly close to just begging him to fuck me and throwing all caution to the


    wind. Stupid move by a stupid girl fuelled with booze and high on finally getting the man she wanted all


    along.


    Today, however, I¡¯m back to shy, sober and reserved and feeling like maybe I need to put a little


    distance back between us. Sensible head on. I let it go too far and I¡¯m putting myself on a limb I¡¯m not


    sure can take the weight yet. I need to reel back and bring some distance into y. It¡¯s not smart toN?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    jump in with both feet when dealing with a man who likes to set things on fire for amusement. I don¡¯t


    have an ambition for being burned, even a little. I don¡¯t have the constitution to survive it anymore.


    ¡°I¡¯m starving. Want to go somewhere for ¡­¡± He doesn¡¯t get to finish as his cell phone sends off weird


    little beeps interrupting us, and he pulls it out of his back pocket, frowning at the screen with a dark look


    before putting it to his ear. His whole manner tensing, and that flicker of his other side is immediate.


    It¡¯s odd how I can tell. The change in him is so sudden and clear to me now. That colder, harder,


    dominant aura closing over him as soon as the other world touches him, and I shiver at its appearance.


    ¡°Santagato, how can I help you?¡± His voice dispels all hints of warm and tender and it¡¯s that cold, devil,


    sinister air, mirrored on his face as he visually closes up. This is Alexi Carrero moving in and it¡¯s


    transfixing to watch the instant shift in him. It¡¯s also a necessary reminder that he¡¯s still this person


    outside of these walls, and something I was forgetting all too quickly. Love drunk on a version that was


    new and alluring.


    I stare at him warily, curiosity piqued because that man is calling him, but I know he has been waiting


    for him to reach out. He still owes Alexi a favour and maybe now he wants to get it dealt with, so it no


    longer hangs over his head. He is a lot like Alexi in that he hates not being in control of things.


    I just watch silently, crossing my arms across my chest and feeling oddly fragile today. Stuck in the


    bathroom as he is still in the doorway so I can¡¯t really go anywhere else and wait it out. Alexi doesn¡¯t


    seem to care that I¡¯m listening in either.


    ¡°How important is it, as I¡¯m busy right now?¡± Alexi sounds stern, a hostile tone to that normally husky


    voice and definitely not friendly at all. His bodynguage stiffens up, and he just seems very


    unapproachable and nk.


    I stand still as he listens to the voice on the other end, his gaze narrowing on me and he frowns harder,


    lifting his arm to check his wristwatch and then runs a hand over his brow and through his hair before


    scratching his scalp in an agitated manner. Restlessness. Frustration, maybe? Not a good sign either


    way.


    It¡¯s the version I see every day at the club. The version I was only too willing to forget existed when


    blinded by sweet words and charming behaviour. A p to my senses that this right here is all part of


    what I¡¯m getting, and I should wise up. This is who he will be for much of the time, he can¡¯t change who


    he is.


    ¡°Yeah, sure. I can meet you at Club Carrero in thirty minutes. We can talk there.¡± His frown moves to a


    full-on scowl, a hint of something sinister that sends shivers through me and then he nods.


    ¡°That¡¯s fine by me. See you there.¡± He doesn¡¯t wait for goodbyes but hangs up and pushes his phone


    back behind him quickly. Eyesing to mine and lightening up slightly. That mist of dark fading away


    to just a light fog. An exnation poised on those lips, but I intervene.


    ¡°I heard. I guess we are leaving?¡± I point out, strangely disappointed that we are leaving so soon. Not


    that we had anything nned that I¡¯m aware of, but I like the version of him when he¡¯s untouched by


    his job and empire. Alexi away from all of that and tucked up in this little bolthole. I can¡¯t get enough of


    him. I wish we could stay here forever, just the two of us wrapped up in this make-believe little nook


    where his soft side happily dwells. Far from the real us, where things have hope and love is a


    possibility.


    Part of me worries that a return to normal will be the return of his usual self; when I¡¯ve only just started


    to peel back the manyyers to get to the real Alexi, the one he doesn¡¯t show to the outside world.


    ¡°I had ns for us today, but we will have to rain check. I don¡¯t know how long this will take; you know


    I¡¯ve been waiting to hear from him.¡± He walks past me, towards the kitchte and rummages in


    cupboards for instant coffee and pulls out two mugs, even though I don¡¯t drink it. I feel so rough though,


    I will, just to perk up a little and get my head straight. Remove the foul taste from my mouth and maybe


    dull the body fatigue with a caffeine injection. Deted suddenly that the real world is beckoning us


    back to it and I¡¯m not ready to go.


    I want us to stay here and just repeatst night.


    ¡°I need to call Mico toe pick us up and get Jackson to bring the trailer for my biketer. I¡¯m in no fit


    state to drive. Some sexy woman got me drunk and then tried to torture me to death with heavy


    petting.¡± He throws me a cheeky grin; full-on Hollywood charm and I rx a little. Smiling back softly at


    the reminder ofst night, the signs he is still in there and not fully converting to demon Mafia boss just


    yet, and shrug innocently.


    ¡°I was testing to see if you really meant it when you said you would respect the sex boundary.¡± I walk


    forward to shadow him in the kitchen area and watch him get the cups ready while filling the electric


    kettle. Being aplete liar and not willing to admit that I just wanted to jump his bones and forget all


    about celibacy when fuelled on booze and light-headed with lust. I would have to be dead to not get


    turned on by a hot Italian sticking his tongue down my throat while he pressed his six-pack andrge


    erection against me.


    ¡°I passed with flying colours, even if it almost killed me.¡± That smirk and wicked gleam intensify,


    seemingly pleased with his act of chivalry and I just eye roll. Amused with him.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be the judge of that, New York.¡± I point out dryly, not letting him know that I¡¯m crazily impressed and


    thankful that he kept his hands to himself, even if I stupidly acted like a wanton slut who was aching to


    be fucked by him. He showed me I could trust him.


    ¡°We didn¡¯t have sex; therefore, I get an A-plus.¡±


    ¡°Hmm, I¡¯m thinking maybe a B-minus, seeing as there was to be no kissing unless I instigated and you


    most definitely put your tongue in my mouth uninvited, several times.¡± I nudge him with my shoulder,


    moving up beside him and lean against him gently, resting my head against his arm as he watches the


    kettle boil. Needing contact and feeling brave enough to take it. There is a new atmosphere between us


    this morning and touchy-feely, invading each other¡¯s space seems like an okay thing. An unwritten rule


    that now we have no boundary to touching. He just carries on as though resting against him is the most


    normal thing in the world. I guess being stuck to each other all evening and sleeping side by side has


    added a new dimension.


    ¡°You instigated the first time, so that was me covered for the duration of the date.¡± Cocky mode started


    though.


    ¡°That¡¯s not how it works.¡± I lift my head and give him my best imitation of a frosty look but I¡¯m not mad


    at all. He kissed me until my face itched with stubble rashst night, and then some. And the smokin¡¯


    hot twenty-minute make-out session in the corridor downstairs, where he most definitely groped my


    breasts and squeezed my arse while pinning me to a wall with his erection, was the sexiest twenty


    minutes I have ever experienced in my life. I never knew the prelude to no sex could make me hornier


    than hell. I was so wound up I was almost leg humping him like a crazed dog in heat.


    Alexi makes me feel desirable on crazy levels. Beautiful and powerful. I never imagined he would


    possess that sort of power over me and make me feel that way in a million years. Like I¡¯m the single


    most perfect woman on the.

 Chapter 155

    Chapter 155


    ¡°Maybe we should revisit the kissing thing. Not sure I can give that up on top of sex and heavy groping.


    I mean there is only so much I can handle keeping in check. I¡¯m not really that much of a good boy.¡±


    Alexi slips me a sexy smile and picks up the kettle when it clicks, to pour us coffee. Watching the steam


    rise and hit with the heavy aroma as soon as the cups are filled.


    ¡°You¡¯re not a good boy at all, that¡¯s part of the charm. I think if we are revisiting the kissing, it requires a


    proper negotiation. I have to get something back if you are getting free rein to kiss me,¡± I jest huskily,


    flirtationing out all by itself and aware I have slid my arm through his and am pressing my body to


    his side a little too possessively. Pushed up tight so I can get as much of him as possible.


    ¡°You get my tongue in your mouth with all its expertise, several times a day. That¡¯s reward enough.¡±


    That arrogant wink and I frown at him.


    ¡°You¡¯re so modest.¡±


    ¡°I know. It is exhausting being this amazing twenty-four seven, but I can handle it.¡± He gives me a wink


    that just gives me the urge to kick him in the shin. I like his tosser side, yet at the same time, I want to


    throttle him for it.


    ¡°You¡¯re such an arse. An arrogant one.¡± I giggle at Alexi¡¯s weird humour and let him go when he hands


    me a ck coffee with an overly joyful gaze.


    ¡°That¡¯s why you like me! Creamer is in the refrigerator.¡± I get a kiss on my temple and my smile beams


    wider of its own ord. Indulgently amused with him and unable to deny that it¡¯s that cocky self-


    confidence that makes him crazy alluring.


    ¡°Who said I do? And thanks, but I think I need ck coffee for how rough I feel. Someone got me too


    drunk and now I¡¯m suffering.¡± I groan and take a sip as Alexi pulls out his cell again and starts texting.


    Probably informing Mico that we need him as a cab driver toe get us. Not that I¡¯m sad. I do not


    want to get back on that death machine while my stomach is already doing the rhumba. He can leave it


    here till the end of time for all I care. Sitting on his motorbike was not exactly the highlight of my life.


    ¡°Should have let me fuck you, it¡¯s guaranteed to cure any hangover.¡± He pauses between sips of his


    own ck coffee to throw me a loaded look and I sigh at him.


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that¡¯s a lie.¡±


    ¡°Well, now you will never know.¡± He smiles and then leaves me there as he wanders to the nearest


    armchair and sits down, putting his mug on the trunk and pulls his socks and boots over to put them on.


    A perk of sleeping in our clothes is we don¡¯t have to get dressed. Just shoes and jackets and out the


    door. I can shower at the apartment once he goes to see Santagato.


    I follow him and sit on the other chair, mirroring what he is doing with my own shoes and catch him


    ncing my way. Pulling them on quickly. I slept with socks on, unlike him so I achieve my goal faster.


    ¡°That¡¯s my favourite sound in the world, you know?¡±


    ¡°What is?¡± His statement catches me off guard and I wonder what the hell he is talking about. Looking


    momentarily confused.


    ¡°Yourugh, I just don¡¯t hear it enough. Something I aim to change.¡± It¡¯s a serious observation, no hint


    of trying to charm at all and it catches me off guard.


    I giggle shyly at that revtion, impulsively and blush from my toes to the top of my head. Knocked


    sideways with the way he just suddenly throws an unexpected sweetness at me; it knocks me off kilter.


    ¡°And here I was thinking they had bypassed the romance gene in your creation.¡± I smile softly,


    matching the one he gives me, and he goes back to focusing on hisces.


    ¡°Yeah well, maybe I can learn some new tricks, just for you.¡± It¡¯s more of a mumbled response not


    really asking for a reply and I watch him a little too closely, biting on my bottom lip as a host of inner


    emotions and feelings collide dramatically. My heart andher region fighting for dominance, and I


    shake my head to push both smoochy feeling and the sex-starved one aside.


    Like I said, far too potent and I¡¯m way too hungover.


    ¡°Do you think he will agree to leave me alone?¡± I ask nervously, bringing the topic back to Santagato to


    normalise things between us again. Hoping that if Santagato backs off, then Alexi will lighten up on the


    overprotective regime he has me on, where I can never leave the building without an escort.


    I¡¯m not used to a constant presence after twenty-eight years of surviving alone. I find it ustrophobic


    and highly stressful. Having reins put on me and caging me in. It makes me want to break free and run.


    ¡°That depends on how I deliver it. If he thinks I¡¯m just protecting my asset because you run my club,


    then yes. If he thinks it¡¯s personal, and I¡¯m in love with you, then he won¡¯t want to lose that edge. I have


    to y this carefully. This world is all about games, smoke and mirrors. You know this.¡± Alexi looks


    serious for a moment, that darkening cloud hovering close by in those eyes of his and sits up to look at


    me properly, his boots on and tied already.


    I still find it weird how readily he says those three little words. After keeping them from me for months


    and now they slide out of his mouth as easily as any other. I think he is getting used to feeling them on


    his tongue and the fear of the power they once had over him has evaporated. I guess realising he


    trusted me and wanted me, made a huge difference to how he saw them.


    I push that down along with a dozen other thoughts I don¡¯t have the energy to address this morning.


    ¡°Do you think he would try to get at me again if he doesn¡¯t agree?¡± My nerves return at something I


    have tried not to think about at all sinceing back, but Alexi shrugs.


    ¡°Not if he wants to stay breathing. I honestly don¡¯t know. It shocked me the first time because I really


    thought he knew better. We are allies but not friends. He knows what I would do to someone who


    crosses me and if I could have proved it already, Santagato would be yesterday¡¯s news.¡±


    I don¡¯t doubt that. You don¡¯t cross a Carrero. Everyone knows that.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t confirm it from your security man?¡± I¡¯m surprised to find that he still isn¡¯t sure. I was


    convinced all this time that he¡¯d got answers and had solid proof it was him. He has never mentioned


    doubts before.


    ¡°No. He was paid to look the other way by the asshole who tried to take you. I fucked up by putting him


    down before getting information. It¡¯s not normally my style but seeing him hurting you ¡­ I reacted.¡±


    Alexi looks away, strangely sombre suddenly and I reach out and touch his hand. I hate it when he gets


    that sudden look of remorse, as though he thinks his heinous act or a reminder of it will send me


    running like a bat out of hell. It¡¯s little insecure moments of knowing he can be inhuman and cold with


    his mother¡¯s words running around in that brain that no one could love a monster like him. I know that¡¯s


    what it is because my mother left me with the same damage. No one could ever love a worthless little


    whore who gives men what they want for money.


    She was wrong.


    Alexi loves me.


    His mother was wrong too.


    I love him.


    ¡°Is that what you did in Miami too? Just reacted?¡± I don¡¯t know why thises to mind now, other than


    wanting to know why he half killed a man that night. We touched on itst night but it was fleeting, and


    we didn¡¯t delve into details too much.


    Another scene in my head of his worst sideing out to y when I least expected it. I have never


    managed to shake that image. How precise, controlled and violent he can be when he sets his sights


    on targeting a man. How disconnected he was and the way his brother and cousin had to physically


    bring him back to the present. He was gone, and it scared me. Knowing he can just zone out and


    destroy someone like that.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    He can definitely hold his own as a fighter, it was almost fluid and instinctive to annihte another


    human, all while his mind was God knows where. I wonder if it¡¯s like me when I disconnect while being


    hurt, my mind taking off to protect its sanity¡ªmaybe not. I guess I¡¯ll never understand the red mist that


    overcame him that night.


    Alexi looks back at me, expression softer and slides his fingers around mine, enclosing my hand gently,


    pulling it closer to him. Warmed by my reaching out to him.


    ¡°I came looking for you to say sorry for acting like an asshole. I was drunk and I knew I overreacted. I


    just saw you with some guy all over you and you were pushing him away. I thought he was hurting you


    and I didn¡¯t stop to ask questions. I guess seeing some asshole trying to choke you on my desk left a


    mark and I saw red. It¡¯s an instinct to protect you, I just lost sight of when to stop. The jealousy came


    when you defended him.¡± He looks down at our joined hands and frowns at the admission. Another


    thing he probably hated. My ability to make him jealous of which he had no control, and it made him


    snap at me andsh all his anger my way once he¡¯d stopped half killing a man. Out of control, bruised


    from a rejection then told off when he thought he was being my hero.


    No wonder he got so mad at me and then took off to cool down and put some distance between us. He


    didn¡¯t dump me there to make me suffer; he left so he wouldn¡¯t make things worse between us. He was


    hurting, just as I was.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t about ownership then?¡± I watch him carefully, feeling stupid now I really think about his


    actions that night, and he shakes his head. It never dawned on me he would see me in danger and


    swoop in without stopping to ask.


    ¡°Only because you are mine to protect. I would never let anything happen to you. No matter what.¡±


    Alexi leans towards me, closing the gap, eyes locked on mine and I don¡¯t hesitate to meet him halfway,


    getting the kiss he was angling for and it sends my stomach into sizzles and butterflies. Soft, gentle


    kissing, unobtrusive but fully effective in turning me to mush. We linger together even after he pulls


    back, his nose brushing mine and there is a moment of something pure and intense before my feeble,


    fearful self pulls back.


    Always shitting a brick at the dumbest moments and running away. I have no courage.


    Alexi ignores my fast separation and the way my cheeks colour with it. Suddenly ufortable with


    how easily he draws me in like a moth to a me. Leaving myself open and vulnerable, despite the pep


    talks to stop doing that.


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have said the things I said to you after. I¡¯m sorry. I don¡¯t think, I just react in my normal


    mode of being aplete asshole. I have a temper.¡± He mutters it a little defeated, voice low, and


    again that urge to wipe away that look from him spurs me forward.


    ¡°I think we are both guilty of throwing around names and insults when we fight. I¡¯m not innocent in how


    I am to you. I know I can be extremely vicious. I have been a bitch as much as you have been a jerk.¡±


    My face flushes further as I admit it, knowing my sharp tongue and violent outbursts towards him in the


    past are no better than him calling me a whore or being a dick to me. We can be pretty vtile and


    explosive when we lose our temper. Too alike in so many ways. Fuelled on impulsive rage and anger


    towards each other. Equally passionate, even in a negative way.


    Alexi¡¯s cell phone rings, breaking the seriousness of our conversation and he looks down at it with a


    heavy sigh.


    ¡°Mico must be here already, he must have been close by. Let¡¯s go, London. We¡¯lle back here. I


    promise.¡±


    Alexi jumps to his feet and holds out a hand, eyes much brighter and a ghost of a smile on that face.


    Leaving our undrunk coffee sitting and I don¡¯t hesitate to follow, grabbing his hand in mine again, warm


    skin on warm skin and sliding to my feet beside his taller height. I would follow him anywhere afterst


    night.


    Comforted in knowing he intends to spend another one here after this. Our own little secret ce to just


    be. Watch him stop meing back here for a repeat.


    ¡°Showtime.¡± He smiles at me, before grabbing both our jackets, throwing them over one arm, and his


    keys from the table as he leads me to the door inmander mode. Pulling me with him while


    fastened in his grasp securely. Ready to face reality after our break from it.


    Not just in rtion to Santagato either.


    After I shower in my bathroom and get dressed in my usual figure-hugging dress and sleek hair and


    makeup, I wander back downstairs to the club to see what needs doing. Alexi never came upstairs with


    me, waiting for Santagato to show up and I have no doubts they are probably in the second floor VIP


    lounge as we speak. I¡¯ve only been up here for forty minutes since we got back, and we didn¡¯te


    far. The club is literally minutes from his old bolthole and I already miss it. The way he is when we were


    there, the break from reality to be with that version of him, I¡¯m already craving it.


    It feels odd to be here now, back to life as though nothing¡¯s happened at all; when, in reality, absolutely


    everything has changed. It¡¯s only been two days and yet it feels like a week has passed since the night


    I thought he was dead.


    My entire existence has been tipped upside down and dropped on its head magnificently. No wonder I


    feel so shaky and fragile in myself today. I feel like someone has held me by one foot over a cliff and


    I¡¯m still dangling there.


    I make my way down to the ground floor, hungry and hoping the bar girl Cheyenne is on. She makes a


    mean grilled cheese and we skipped breakfast, even though it¡¯s almost noon already. We slept soundly


    thanks to a lot of alcohol and now I¡¯m starving, and aspirin has numbed my pounding head to bearable.


    Hunger pangs are so intense I feel faint and just desperate to eat.


    I¡¯m surprised to meet the entourage of mening towards the lift as Ie out on the ground floor


    and realise this is Santagato¡¯s party showing upte, which Alexi hates. He is the only one allowed to


    run behind schedule otherwise it makes him rage.


    A handful of Carrero familiars behind them, but no Mico as he only dropped us off then left to go run


    errands or some nonsense. Alexi and Santagato side by side in front of his own group of heavies too.


    Ie face to face with both as I step into the lobby, unaware. It¡¯s so sudden I take a sharp intake of


    breath and almost trip over nothing. Surprised and unprepared for this chance encounter and not


    mentally on the ball.


    Like aplete love-sick idiot, I smile brightly at Alexi as soon as Iy eyes on him. It¡¯s impulsive and I


    know I do a full-on swoon smile the second I see him, but I literally cannot help the reaction. He is now


    in shirt and trousers, which he keeps in the office for a quick change, and back to tailored sexiness,


    clean-shaven and swoon worthy. He must have got changed and ready down here while waiting on his


    late guest.


    I regret it as soon as I feel my face do it and know I just fucked uppletely.


    He has been getting to me on major levels, and I just failed at hiding it because I spent a night with him


    while being wooed to heaven and back. Such an amateur move and I know better than this. Gut


    cringing inwardly with a tight contraction and shame washes over me at such a faux pas.


    Alexi throws me an icy re that¡¯s usual for his normal arsehole self but because of how he has been


    thest few days, it hits me like a p. It¡¯s a telling off and a bump back to reality. A pang of hurt in my


    heart that he looks at me so harshly and brings back a million memories of what it feels like to be out in


    the cold where he is concerned. Something I didn¡¯t need a reminder of today when I¡¯m sensitive from


    an over excessive night and should have spent the day on the couch instead. He¡¯s instantly pissed at


    me and my mood dies a horrible death.


    ¡°Ahh. The sexy Miss Walters.¡± Santagato leers at me and I throw him the same smile I gave Alexi to


    cover it with an ¡®I¡¯m just in such a smiley and overly friendly mood¡¯ but Alexi butts in. Fury all over his


    face and I honestly cannot tell if it¡¯s real or not. Knowing him, most likely genuine.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you have work to be doing?¡± He snaps at me and it sobers all the love-sick stupidity right out of


    me. Faced with King Carrero and not an ounce of warmth. The wrath of a wanker and I instantly know


    my ce when in the presence of his allies.


    Worthless woman. How could I forget?


    ¡°I umm.¡± I stumble over my words, stunned at how he is talking to me when only an hour ago I was his


    world, being kissed and reassured and romanced. Now here I am, getting overly distraught at the


    change in him and unable to deal with this right now. I was bing too used to the other side of him


    and how sweet he can be, and this is like being kicked in the chest by a mule. My stomach tightens and


    an undeniable lump lodges in my throat threatening to choke me to death. It¡¯s like he just threw a


    bucket of ice water over my head when I wasn¡¯t looking; I¡¯m reeling, which is screwing up my ability to


    compose myself for a quick recovery.


    I¡¯m way too emotional from being hungover already and this will push me right over the edge. Even


    though I know I¡¯m being far too sensitive, and I should evaluate this without emotion. Take it at face


    value and nothing deeper.


    ¡°If you have nothing better to do, then bring coffee up to the lounge, pronto.¡± Alexi dismisses me, tone


    giving nothing away except irritation and pushes past as though I¡¯m an annoyance in his way; nearly


    toppling me off my feet and I almost burst into tears at the rough handling. I catch sight of Jackson in


    my line of vision, walking behind the men who are all piling into the lift as he throws me a concerned


    look.


    ¡°I¡¯ll help you, Miss Cami.¡± He throws me a warm smile, a gentle hint that he sees I needfort.


    Probably spotting the mist of tears in my eyes and I keep my back to the men, so Alexi doesn¡¯t see that


    he has wounded me with just an attitude change. He would only get angrier at my obvious show of


    distress in front of these people.


    I know this is because he¡¯s with those men and this is just how he must be, but it doesn¡¯t make it sting


    any less. He didn¡¯t need to be so harsh or so believable in that I¡¯m an uninteresting employee, one he


    has zero attachment to.


    I should have stayed upstairs. I¡¯m not mentally equipped today, and I will feel like shit now.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get right to it, Mr Carrero.¡± I bite sarcastically, a tinge of upset in my tightening tone and throw my


    hair over my shoulder before heading towards Jackson. Refusing to let Alexi see me upset. I bite my


    bottom lip to curb the urge to burst into stupid tears and just focus on my refuge. My gentle giant, my


    friend, and the way he is urging me to him like the solid dude I know he can be. He would never turn


    demon prick on me just to keep face.


    ¡°Do so and make it snappy.¡± Again, with that sinister, cold, dickhead tone and I walk off at speed to hide


    just how much I hate this version of him.


    He just undid so much in a two-second conversation.


    Anger soaring in to push the pain aside and every damn doubt, fear and disbelief in me the other night


    swoops back in full force at the return of Tosser Carrero. Bruised and struggling to brush it off.


    ¡°Ignore him, Miss. This is just how he is sometimes. He has to keep up appearances.¡± Jackson pats me


    on the shoulder as I enter the kitchen, seemingly in the know, and he fills therge urn we have in here


    for coffee. I can feel his eyes darting from me to what he¡¯s doing, but he stays quiet.


    It¡¯s a huge steel cannister thing that makes mass amounts of hot water quickly and is used for groups


    of businessmen who convene upstairs like a boardroom sometimes. Jackson readies two trays with


    mugs, sugar bowls and creamer, and I just stand there like an incapable fool, licking my wounds.


    Turning over the way he was being in my head and picking him apart until all that¡¯s left is a pile of


    ashes.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I smile through my frown and try to wipe it off my face, telling myself I¡¯m being overly


    sensitive. He is a wanker; I know this, and it¡¯s expected of him to show that when he is out there with


    them


    It¡¯s Santagato¡ªof course, he¡¯s not going to show any hint of adoration of me around that man. Alexi


    has a persona, and he is just dusting it off and keeping his mask firmly in ce. I¡¯m forgetting the


    history with Santagato and what a threat he is to me and thinking like a lovesick fool. I need to find my


    own facade and put it back on the way he did, for when we are in front of these people.


    We are not even a real thing yet and here I am getting hurt over him being his usually bossy cold self.


    His normal Alexi Carrero self. The version of him I should have been expecting when we got back here,


    I mean, wasn¡¯t I mentally preparing myself for this on the drive home and reminding myself that his


    mask would re-engage under this roof? Of course, I was.


    I have spent months with this version of him; I know what to expect.


    Except it really is getting to me in crazy ways. Biting a little too deeply that afterst night it¡¯s so easy


    for him to just turn on the nasty once more. Maybe it would be easy to revert to treating me like shit and


    punishing me too. Look how smoothly he transitioned, and not even a blink of hesitation at pushing me


    aside. And I really can¡¯t turn off how much it cuts deep.


    That¡¯s not love. That¡¯s not the man who slept beside mest night.


    Jackson nudges me a momentter, breaking the odd little daydream I was having as I turned over


    Alexi¡¯s behaviour in my head, and I realise he has all the trays ready. Two of them because of the


    number of men upstairs and he slides the one carrying only the cups towards me, so he takes the


    weight of coffee pots and creamer. A true gentleman, as always. Alexi could learn a thing or two from


    his cousin.


    ¡°All ready, Miss. Want to lead the way?¡± Jackson gives me another gentle smile, a reassuring moment


    that he has my back and I snap myself out of it and lift that stubborn chin, reigniting that inner fire I


    possess. I¡¯m being weak and stupid and well, at least it opened my eyes to his ability to revert to kind


    and reminded me why exactly I should pull back and be wary of getting too deep too fast with him. I


    almost let it slidest night but this morning, that little scene, has me back on the offensive and overly


    aware of how he ys me.


    If Alexi wants to y cold and Mr Business, then I should follow suit and stop making more of it than it


    is. Be who he is used to seeing in this club. Fuck him.


    I take the tray with a smile on my face that doesn¡¯t go beyond my mouth and pull on my big girl pants.


    Willing to just dismiss this and get on with my day and not let it get to me. No doubtter he wille


    find me and confirm he was only being that way because of Santagato, or maybe he won¡¯t, and I will


    realise that all of yesterday was bullshit.


    I need to be tougher than this. I used to be tougher than this. I let myself second guess everything but


    not anymore. Don¡¯t trust the man who can make you feel worthless so easily.


    I walk ahead and get to the lift pressing it with my elbow awkwardly, waiting for Jackson to catch up as


    impatience and anger course through me, fixing my steel armour and putting my walls back up.


    It¡¯s a silent trip to the second floor as I gather my wits and pull my face together before I head along the


    narrow corridor to the entrance of the VIP lounge, my normal confidenceing back slowly.


    The door is sitting open. I can hear low voices as we approach but not make out anything of what they


    are saying and steam ahead to obey my bloody orders.


    ¡°Boss.¡± Someone says loudly as we approach, and all the chatter stops. I guess it¡¯s a minion signalling


    the conversation to end as we approach. To Santagato, I¡¯m ears that should hear nothing, even though


    Alexi will tell me afterwards, anyway. I know he will. Even if he is a massive tosser of a man who


    deserves a punch in the balls.

 Chapter 156

    Chapter 156


    He tells me things like this, he told me about things even before, so I have no doubts.


    I walk in, this time keeping my eyes off my sulky bastard of a man and slide the tray down in the centre


    of the seating on one of the low tables. I have to avoid looking his way and get with the programme that


    we can barely stand each other. Jackson slides his beside mine neatly, an eerie silence of men staring


    at us, and as I go to follow him out, I¡¯m halted by that snappy tone.


    ¡°Pour it ¡­ get your head out of your ass, Walters.¡± A harsh cutting tone that signals I¡¯m not done here.


    Alexi sounds pissed still, and I spin to catch him ring at me as though I havemitted the ultimate


    sin by expecting them to pour their own. They expect servitude of women in his world, even I know


    that. What I didn¡¯t expect was him to still be in the throes of prick mode and singling me out again.


    Why the fuck did he make mee up here if he was going to be like this? He could have got any of


    the staff to run after his arse and serve his buddies. This all feels a little too personal.


    And when does he ever call me Walters? Never, not in the whole time I have known him. It¡¯s always


    Cam or London.


    I re right back, this time upset reced with an ignited fury that he should talk down to me like a


    piece of shit in front of these men. I don¡¯t care who they are. He has no right to treat me so badly when


    I run this fucking club and make it what it is. I¡¯m not just one of the low wage staff downstairs. I own


    part of the fucking building! I earned my respect.


    Santagato sits back and getsfy, lounging like a fat cat who owns the joint and I can almost feel his


    eyes boring into me, enjoying my humility. Smug and getting off to a woman being put in her ce. A


    woman he was denied not so long ago and nausea swirls in my stomach, my skin crawling as his eyes


    eat me up like fresh meat. Hating him with a passion for enjoying this.


    ¡°How awful of me to forget my ce.¡± I grind out thest word, oozing disdain with every syble,


    throwing Alexi a dagger of a sneer and pull the tray towards me to put the cups out. I grit my teeth to


    stop myself mming them on the polished surface and rein in the bubblingva threatening to explode


    out of me.


    WANKER, ARSEHOLE, TOSSER, PRICK, ARSEHOLE!


    All of the above and then some.


    Alexi ignores me and talks right over the top of me like I¡¯m nothing. Not everything, not his everything


    ¡­ just the worthless nothing he said I wasn¡¯t.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    Actions speak louder than words Alexi. Don¡¯t you know that?


    ¡°Can¡¯t get the help nowadays.¡± He smirks and Santagato lets out a dirty gratingugh. Like nails on a


    chalkboard and I shudder inwardly. Anotheryer of my skin threatening to peel from my bones as


    cringe overtakes me. I really despise Santagato with a passion only my hatred of Alexi rivalled; maybe


    he can have it back.


    ¡°Well, if you have to choose between efficient or fuckable, I guess it¡¯s hard to tick both boxes. I can see


    her assets are probably best carried out on her knees.¡± He snorts dirtily and my whole body stiffens as I


    try not to react. I start inwardly reciting a mantra to myself.


    You know this is how this world works¡ªignore and breath.


    Don¡¯t react.


    Don¡¯t reply with a catty remark.


    For the love of God, just keep your mouth SHUT.


    I can¡¯t even bring myself to look at Alexi and all the blood drains from my face as his voice cuts in.


    ¡°I¡¯ve had better. She is good at keeping the papers in order though.¡±


    I swear I feel like I might be sick, listening to him like this. The way he just dismissed sex with me in


    such a degrading manner. It¡¯s too much. I just can¡¯t.


    The same cold bastard he has been for months and even though I know it¡¯s not real, it¡¯s so hard to


    separate. How can I believe he is capable of more when it¡¯s so easy for him to revert to kind? How can


    I have faith in someone who is capable of still being this way after telling me he loved me?


    It¡¯s unnecessarily cruel. It¡¯s cold and hurtful and it¡¯s what I should have expected from a man who used


    my past to destroy me. He isn¡¯t any different. He is exactly who he has always been.


    I pour a few mugs full of ck coffee carefully, keeping myself in check to show nothing outwardly. My


    mask moving in to shield me from prying eyes and I make very practised deliberate movements to hide


    how my inner self trembles and breaks, ready to sob her day away. I slide them in front of the men


    sitting, stomach tight and throat closing, pushing the sugar bowl and creamer jug to them, only too d


    that I can escape now I¡¯m done. I turn to push one at Alexi knowing he takes his ck with no


    sweeteners at all.


    ¡°Do you take anything? Sugar, creamer? Arsenic?¡± I mutter thest word under my breath at him but


    it¡¯s obvious by the tiny, angry flicker in his jawline that he heard it, and I get a cold re thrust at me


    from under furrowed dark brows. Those pale eyes stirring with a hint of a storm, and I sense a


    foreboding that makes me want to run.


    ¡°Go be a good girl and find something to polish downstairs. Maybe tidy up your makeup while you are


    at it, I can¡¯t stand looking at sloppy women.¡± Alexi growls at me, pointing out that my liner is probably


    smudging from unquenched tears on the way up here and earns himself a seething, hateful re. The


    air bristling between us with a static that makes the hair on my skin stand on end. In this second, I


    loathe him.


    I lift my chin, swoosh my hair back with sass and turn on my heel without a further response, I don¡¯t


    wait a moment longer. Ready to storm off on stilettos and screw him to hell and back¡ªI hate him.


    Fuck that wanker, I will never let him touch me again.


    ¡°That ass ¡­ I would love to fuck her ck and blue and still get hard for a second round.¡± Santagato¡¯s


    filthy mouth follows me out the door and I inwardly cringe once more, skin crawling and aware of the


    fact Alexi has not once warned him off this time. His lewdments go unchecked and no show of


    possessive ownership at all.


    Alexi the bastard wouldn¡¯t let Santagato near me, but the person in that room said nothing about his


    sexual remarks. In fact, he fucking encouraged it. I hesitate for a moment and wonder if this version of


    him would let him touch me and I have no clear answer. I¡¯m confused, heartbroken and angrier than


    hell. No clue what the hell happened to him in such a short space of time and just wishing I never came


    down at all.


    I m the door as I storm out, fire and tears battling to be dominant and I head straight for the lift.


    Jackson close at my heel and he seems to sense he shouldn¡¯t say anything this time or get too close.


    An icy silence emanating from me that speaks volumes. Jackson sheepishly gives me my venting


    space and I refuse to let myself crumble for someone who doesn¡¯t deserve my tears.


    Fuck you, Alexi Carrero. I should have known this is who you would be.


    I look up from my seat at the bar where I¡¯m sorting through receipts as the group of men walk past.


    Alexi deep in conversation with Santagato amid them and I try my best to nk thempletely. Still


    pissed as hell and overly prickly from earlier. He pauses as theye level and looks at me coldly,


    pulling my eyes to his with just the power of that stare and I curse myself for the tingles that spread


    across my body like wildfire. Averting my gaze just as quickly and trying to zone him out.


    ¡°Walters?¡± He almost barks it, prickish tone and bossy shithead demeanour fully engaged and I slowly


    lift my head deliberately to hide the fact I¡¯m hating on him and he is not exactly helping the situation.


    ¡°What, Mr Carrero.¡± I ooze hostile charm and sarcasm as I re right at his smug bastard face and his


    eyebrow twitches slightly. Think he has finally realised I¡¯m so livid I¡¯m beyond furious and maybe he is a


    little too convincing.


    It¡¯s not a game for me. It¡¯s not an act. I¡¯m genuinely wounded and right now I could easily stab him in


    the face with my pen.


    ¡°Inform my guest for the club tonight that I won¡¯t be here. I have ns, won¡¯t be back before dawn and


    will rearrange during the week.¡± Doesn¡¯t skip a beat, just a smoothmand with no hint of anything in


    it. Another reason to up my level of anger at him.


    I know he has no specific guest for tonight, so this is code for ¡®baby I¡¯m dumping you and fucking off


    with my Mafia sidekicks for sex and drugs and wanker antics somewhere else tonight. Don¡¯t wait up¡¯.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get right on that.¡± I droll, bitch and frost so intense even Jackson looks at me with a questioning


    nce, and then at Alexi and walks off. Knowing he should keep out of the firing line and not able to


    react.


    I just stare Alexi down, pull my gaze back to my paperwork as if I don¡¯t give a rat¡¯s ass and try to go


    back to pretending that he is dead to me. I will freeze the arsehole out and see how much he likes it.


    Let him dangle at the other side of this and see how it feels to be treated as unimportant.


    I don¡¯t bother looking up again when I hear the footsteps progress towards the main door and try not to


    get hit with that wave of pure disappointment as he leaves with them. No real attempt to smooth things


    over, even if they were close by and just fucks off and leaves anyway.


    Does he not have a clue that when your woman is contemting packing her bags and heading for the


    hills because of your arsehole behaviour, then thest thing you should do is leave her to go cavort


    with men she fucking hates!


    It¡¯s not even 2 p.m. and Alexi is obviously nning on making an entire half day of whatever they are


    doing. I don¡¯t even want to know.


    As far as I¡¯m concerned, Alexi can go fuck himself.


    You don¡¯t treat people that way, for any reason. You don¡¯t try to make amends for the past by turning


    right back into the same arsehole who made me hate you in the first ce and think I will be fine with it.


    Because I¡¯m not, in any shape or form, and he has underestimated the importance of my hostile mood.


    I don¡¯t care if he doesn¡¯te back for a week. I don¡¯t want to see him after this.


    I go back to my papers, scattered across the marble bar in a haphazard mess, determined to just put


    him out of my head and my heart and forget everything he said to me in thest two days.


    Dismissing it all because really, how can I feel anything warm and fluffy when he¡¯s shown he can still be


    an evil sadist who doesn¡¯t give two shits about my feelings.


    He has me seething, restless and utterly deste inside. As though a cold front moved in and killed all


    my internal organs so that even crying is impossible. My tears have frozen like jagged little icicles


    inside me to inflict even more pain.


    Just bloody dandy and my ns and hopes that today would be a great day are defunct. Killed my


    mood, brought down the sun and just ruined everything. Like a typical boorish pig-headed son of a


    bitch whose internalpass points only at his own egotistical needs and thinks nothing beyond that.


    I won¡¯t let him get to me like this. I will bury my head in my work, pass the time with tasks before the


    club opens tonight and then go to bed and ignore him when he shows face. No doubt drenched in the


    smell of cheap perfume, tacky whores and booze. I don¡¯t doubt he will continue to y the part of a


    Mafia boss and enjoyp dancers, whores and free fucks if they are offered. I mean, look how quickly


    he changed to amodate his buddy and his disgusting remarks about me.


    If he thinks he can cosy up to me after this, he will soon learn that he had only one chance and he blew


    it. I won¡¯t let him pull me around and mess with me like he did before. I meant it when I said I would up


    and leave so he could never find me again. I will not let him hurt me.


    About a half hour after he left, while I¡¯m still smarting and pping papers around willy-nilly, frustrating


    myself with an inability to concentrate, my phone lights up on the bar and Alexi¡¯s name shes on


    screen. No doubt calling to exin his shitty behaviour, flicking my go to hell switch, and I just red


    button him and mutter a ¡®fuck off¡¯ under my breath. Impulsively hostile and not ready to hear anyme


    excuses or half-assed attempts at smoothing it over.


    Like he could anyway.


    I push it away, no ounce of remorse at hanging up on him and try to focus back on the paperwork I


    have been badly attempting for thest hour. I grit my teeth when it immediately lights up again with


    that arsehole¡¯s name. He¡¯s persistent anyway but if he wants stubborn, then that¡¯s what he will get. I¡¯m


    sure I have a will to match his and I won¡¯t back down no matter how he is on the phone. He can¡¯t


    sweeten me up for anything.


    I pull it over to pick it up and press answer before snapping down the line at him, no hint of anything


    except rage. I want him to know right off that I¡¯m so mad my blood¡¯s boiling.


    ¡°What the fuck is it?¡± I half yell at him, fuelled on bruised feelings and major nose out of joint syndrome.


    Temper frayed and taking no shit. Come in hot and ¡®let him have it¡¯ mentality. He started a fight when


    there was no fight to be had, so he can suffer the consequences.


    ¡°What kind of way is that to answer the fucking phone to me?¡± he snaps right back, angered by my


    reaction, really not being the smartest in how he should handle me. The appropriate response should


    sound nothing like this, and I lose my shit at him.


    ¡°Oh, I thought this was how we were ying nice nowadays. Isn¡¯t this lesson one from the Alexi school


    of charming beloveds? I mean, I thought that¡¯s what upstairs was. Public disys of affection.¡± The


    sarcasm is so thick it¡¯s practically dripping off my tongue and the long silent pause only adds to the


    crackling tension between us.


    ¡°Use your head, Cam, and stop being pissy. I¡¯ll be back after midnight. We will talk then. I don¡¯t have


    long before I have to go back inside.¡± Alexi¡¯s tone softens a little, but it¡¯s the whole no apology and


    annoyed attitude that really gets to me on every level, making my skin bristle. Insides lurching and that


    moltenva that dwells inside pours out effortlessly over my battered exterior.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be asleep. I have a headache and to be honest, you¡¯ll just make it worse. Go fuck yourself!¡± I hang


    up on him before he can reply and m it face down on the surface, not caring if I crack the screen


    because that prick pays for it anyway. It was one of his stiptions of working here, so he could always


    get hold of me whenever he deemed me worthy. I get a few seconds of smugness, tapping my nails on


    the bar for being brave enough to cut the call, before groaning out loud when it immediately vibrates


    again. I flip it, scowl at his name then instantly red button him and switch the damn contraption off. Not


    about to get into a heated match over the phone and I have work to do. He can stew and go vent his


    annoyance at Santagato. I have no fucks to give.


    ¡°Go to hell, you obnoxious, prick faced, arsehole of a man.¡±


    I yell at it, loudly, erupting in sheer frustration then look around when a muffled cough catches my


    attention. Suddenly aware of my surroundings and the fact I¡¯m not alone as I¡¯m sitting in the club¡¯s bar


    surrounded by hustle and bustle.


    Jackson, my ever-present looming shadow shifts ufortably in the corner where he is sitting,


    reading a paper and pretends he isn¡¯t eavesdropping. It was obviously him who alerted me to myck


    of solitude, and I redden as I absorb that little titbit of information.


    I nce around the bar and realise a lot of my staff are milling around doingst-minute prep and


    organising, trying not to look my way and Joanne is eyeballing me from the main lounge where she is


    polishing champagne flutes. Probably fantasising about my death or something equally pleasant,


    judging by the pinch-faced expression on that bitch¡¯s ugly face. Constipated or startled, I can¡¯t decide.


    Either way, it¡¯s not attractive and I dismiss her with a snooty frown. I still hate that cow.


    I duck my head and try to ignore them all, cursing Alexi out and hating on him even more. Annoyed that


    I just flouted my temper in front of my staff because of him and adding it to my tick list of reasons to


    never want to talk to him again. I turn back to my papers and sigh when I realise, I have done nothing


    but make a mess with my ounts; I scrunch up my paper to start over. This is all I have done for the


    last hour or so because of him. Unable to focus or think straight and screwing up my maths


    stupendously. It¡¯s going to take all day at this rate to just bnce the ounts for the week.


    ¡°Hey ¡­ umm, she¡¯s not, no. I think she went for a lie down with a headache.¡± Jackson¡¯s voice filters to


    me softly, waving across the echoey room and I nce back over my shoulder at him. His face


    reddening, a sure sign he is telling a lie. He is the shittiest liar ever with people he knows. He throws


    me a shady look and a half smile, and I realise Alexi has called him instead of me. That¡¯s why he is


    squirming. I tense as I listen, poised like a cat, straining to hear even though I shouldn¡¯t give a toss


    about what he is saying.


    ¡°Sure boss, I¡¯ll tell her to call you when she err ¡­ umm wakes up.¡± Hopeless at it, sopletely


    hopeless it¡¯s borderline adorable. He really is just a big goofy puppy.


    I can hear the unease in his tone, the strained way he is choosing words, and he is squirming


    uncontrobly as though his seat just got to extreme heat levels. Nervous fidgeting from a guy who


    works in yet is useless with dishonesty. Irony at its finest.


    Alexi may be his cousin, but he looks up to him as the almighty power in his family and it strikes my


    heart softly that he would lie for me. That is probably something he has never done before, judging by


    how badly he¡¯s doing it.


    Jackson my sweet protector drawing a line in the sand between Alexi and I and choosing the right side.


    It gives me a warm gooey feeling that slightly dulls all the chaos coursing through me. A moment to


    ponder the fact that maybe trust is something I have for Jackson at least, my friend.


    He¡¯s a good man, and that deserves an extra-long trip for sorbetter.

 Chapter 157

    Chapter 157


    I¡¯m watching the floor half-heartedly, picking my nails and sighing with boredom. There is a weird, eerie


    quietness to the club tonight, and it hasn¡¯t escaped my attention that several members failed to show


    for their pre-booked night of fun. There is an aura of seriousness in the air and it¡¯s affecting everyone in


    here. I¡¯ve even caught Jackson pacing the room and looking around in confusion as to why the


    atmosphere is so sombre.


    It¡¯s given me an anxious knot in my gut all night which has only grownrger by the hour and has me


    fidgeting uncontrobly. I hate the atmosphere in here and the fact no one seems to be in the merry


    frame of mind like on a normal night.


    It¡¯s not like we have changed anything that would have this kind of negative effect. There is a full strip


    floor show going on, tenders serving booze and drugs and the girls are working extra hard to get the


    men going. The men, however, are huddled in little serious groups with a lot of secretive chatter going


    on among them. Something is amiss, and it¡¯s practically radiating around the room. Theck of one


    grey eyed Carrero has me riled up and trying not to think the worst, brain zooming back to that shoot-


    out and I sigh for the millionth time to release some of my pent-up tension that is coiled inside like an


    overloaded spring.


    ¡°Miss me?¡± I jump a mile high when the smooth unmistakeably husky voice catches me from my left


    side and I spin to see Alexi casually propped against the end of the bar on one elbow, looking freshly


    showered and changed from his formal attire of earlier into a white shirt over jeans. His hair is damp


    and ruffled and he pushes off his resting ce and saunters towards me confidently. Bit odd that he


    woulde home and shower, seeing as it¡¯s now after midnight but I dismiss it as not important and


    acknowledge the tiny tingle of relief running through me that he¡¯s here. Not shot or something else


    sinister with the way the atmosphere has been tonight. It crossed my mind more than once that I


    should worry about him, even if he is an unworthy letch who needs a good kick up the backside.


    ¡°No.¡± I retort snappily and cross my arms over my bust in my figure-hugging ck jersey dress to cover


    the way I jumped. It¡¯s looking fine on my toned and tight little body I¡¯m rather proud of, and I made an


    extra effort to look both sexy and wless tonight, with him in mind. To rub it in his face that he won¡¯t be


    getting near me by a mile.


    His eyes run over me unapologetically, obviously enjoying the view and I hope it gets to him, seeing as


    I currently dislike the prick. I turn away from him to scan the room once more, dismissing his presence


    as though he could be any Tom, Dick or Harry, and I give no shits. He wants to y at acting like there


    is nothing between us, then I¡¯m all for doing the same. I¡¯m still stinging from his manner with me earlier


    today and I just cannot seem to let it go.


    ¡°Still mad at me, Princess?¡± The voicees closer, my left ear and neck tickling with the softness of


    his breath as he leans in to make sure I hear him and walks past a few steps to stand apart and mirror


    my pose, crossed arms and scanning his club. Making a show of being nothing but employee and


    boss.


    Fuck off, wanker.


    ¡°If you haven¡¯t observed ¡­ this is what that looks like!¡± I snap petntly, spitting my words venomously


    at his back. Alexi frowns and tilts his head towards me, a little look of concern crossing his face.


    ¡°You know everything I do has a reason, don¡¯t get uppity because I had to y at being indifferent.¡± He


    sighs heavily, ncing my way with a little more furrow to his brow, a look of wearinessing over


    him, and it just irritates me even more that he isn¡¯t even attempting an apology. In fact, he¡¯s not


    affectionate tonight at all. He seems closed off, strangely aloof andcking his normal fizzing energy. It


    just adds to my heightened state of annoyance.


    ¡°That was not what that was, that was overkill and you know it. I forgot, logic over emotion and you


    don¡¯t give a shit who gets hurt. Especially when ites to me.¡± I sulk, tightening my arms over my


    aching heart. Tears biting my eyes because I truly harboured a minuscule little hope he would walk in


    and at least try to backtrack his behaviour. That a tiny hint of the man I spentst night with would


    make an appearance.


    Oh boy, how wrong I was. Still manages to cut me without trying. Acting like he sees nothing wrong in


    what he did.


    ¡°That¡¯s not true. Can we not do this here? Let¡¯s go upstairs for some privacy.¡± He turns again and


    throws me a cool look that to an outside eye appears to be Alexi talking down to his staff and getting


    bored with her. I narrow my eyes and frown back at him furiously. Temper working up under my skin


    with the way he thinks he can boss me around.


    ¡°I¡¯m working. For another three hours, so ¡­ no.¡± I turn on my heel and head towards the bar, suddenly


    craving something stronger than water now he is here. I have been sulking all night and not in the


    mood for booze until he showed up. Killing the ounce of good mood I had wed back with his mere


    presence and shitty attitude.


    ¡°Don¡¯t make me carry you.¡± The warning, low-toned threat that has a hint of a smile in it. I don¡¯t know if


    this is an attempt at being funny, or if he is being a dickhead and it¡¯s a real threat.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t dare!¡± I throw a wary look back at him and the smirk and evil glint in his eye tell me he


    definitely would. I swallow a tad loudly and shrug, trying to hide it as though I don¡¯t believe him.


    Heartbeat slightly elevated regardless because hauling my arse out of this room, in front of all these


    people, would be beyond humiliating. Hoe-Anne over in the corner all wide-eyed and gawky at his


    presence would probably enjoy the show.


    I walk to the bar to act like I don¡¯t care and tell the tender to get me a vodka on the rocks, flinching


    when a warm body slides right up beside me and saps all the oxygen right out of my space. Still able to


    do that even when I don¡¯t like him very much.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to know the oue of my day? Not even a little bit curious, seeing as your existence


    hangs in the bnce?¡± He presses in gently so his arm is against my side, imposingly hot on my cool


    skin, making no obvious moves to touch me. It has that devastating effect of familiarity and tingles


    coursing over me. Once again cursing him out silently that body chemistry betrays me.


    He turns so his back is against the wooden ledge, leaning back so he can prop his elbows and lounges


    casually with me in his peripheral vision. I know he is aware of the eyes on us in this room, so he can


    look at me without actually doing it. I just eye roll and sigh heavily. Curiosity is killing me concerning


    Santagato and the fact Alexi was asking him to back off, where I am concerned. He is right; as much as


    I want to stand here and make him suffer, I really want to know what¡¯s going on and he¡¯ll only tell me


    when we are alone.


    Manipting me because he can, and he knows how.


    Tosser.


    ¡°Fine, but once you¡¯ve brought me up to speed, I will continue my night. It is my job after all. I don¡¯t


    intend staying upstairs with you any longer than I have to.¡± I¡¯m losing the anger in my tone and it¡¯s


    being reced with fatigue instead. Pissed at him for all of this but no energy to fight him anymore. I¡¯m


    still recovering fromst night¡¯s booze fest and only still down here out of stubbornness because I didn¡¯t


    want to be essible to him when he came home. I felt like I had more control by showing him he


    couldn¡¯t stop me working the bar. Sense told me to go to bed and sleep off my all-day hangover. I


    should have listened.


    ¡°Oh ¡­ and a sorry would not fucking kill you!¡± I hiss at his ear as I turn with my ss in hand, whipping


    it up as soon as it¡¯s slid my way and storm out ahead of him to take my booze to the hallway lift with


    me. Just cannot let him go without some sort of consequence to his actions.


    ¡°It might,¡± he chuckles as he follows at a slight distance and I eye roll so hard I almost detach my retina


    while gritting my teeth, so I almost crack a crown.


    I catch Hoe-Anne ring from her little corner of doom and gloom where a punter is pawing at her


    mercilessly, and she watches us leave with a look that tells me she hasn¡¯t warmed to me at all ofte. I


    really need to start interviewing for an assistant so I can kick her arse out my front door. I don¡¯t know


    why I add to my misery by still having her here every night. It¡¯s no fun and I lost interest in making her


    suffer an age ago. She just acts as a reminder that Alexi screwed her to wound me.


    She is a constant toxic presence; I want her gone and I may have identified a possible recement in


    one of my bar staff. A new girl, Rebel, seems to have the makings of apetent organiser, and I had


    been watching her tonight as she works the floor. She takes pride in what she does and has an eye for


    detail and cleanliness and an air of authority over her fellow staff; they respect her and listen to her


    directions. I file her at the back of my brain and don¡¯t look back until I turn at the bank of lifts and press


    the button with my best impression of utter boredom andplete disinterest.


    Alexi wanders up casually as though he hasn¡¯t a care in the world, ignoring my mood and throws me a


    cheeky wink as he walks into the lift beside me as the doors open.


    ¡°You look fuckable as always, London.¡± It¡¯s the first thing he says as we stand apart and he scans me


    with those wolfish eyes of his. No shock that he dismisses anything he doesn¡¯t want to deal with and


    just tramples over me with his boorish alpha male bullshit.


    ¡°That¡¯s nice. Not that you will benefit.¡± I sulk petntly and he justughs at me. A light boyish chuckle


    that grates on my nerves because it¡¯s the same as saying ¡®sure, we¡¯ll see.¡¯


    All his cold controlled mannerisms sliding into that more casual rxed way he has when watchful eyes


    are gone. Now that I notice it, I see it more and more. The change is so subtle but also so vast. The


    many cloaks he wears.


    ¡°You cannot be seriously this pissed about earlier. You know Santagato was my number one suspect in


    what happened here. I was hardly going to show him any weakness where you were concerned.¡± He


    shrugs it off which just ignites my temper and I don¡¯t hold back, spinning at him so I slosh my booze all


    over my hand clumsily.


    ¡°Did you have to be so bloody convincing and nasty and make me feel like shit? You didn¡¯t need to be


    such a prick!¡±


    ¡°Cam, you walked out of that elevator smiling at me with puppy dog eyes and love hearts floating


    around your head. I had to shut you down fast and rile your temper. You are very good at exuding


    poisonous hate towards me when I piss you off. Santagato would never doubt how much you loathe


    me when you¡¯re mad. Hell, I can¡¯t even tell if this is genuine hatred or just hurt and angry.¡± He reaches


    for me and I p the back of his hand away so hard it stings my palm but has the desired effect of him


    dropping it back down.


    ¡°Screw you. I forgot you don¡¯t understand how normal feelings work, so tough shit if you actually hurt


    me, right?¡± My voice catches in my throat, a raw, vulnerable sign of impending tears and I turn away


    from him slightly, so I don¡¯t have to look at him anymore. Trying to simmer and not bubble over but it¡¯s


    so very hard.


    ¡°Come on, Cam. Seriously? I thought you knew what was going on.¡± Fingers trailing up my arm lightly


    that I push away aggressively, feeling prickly and unable to stand his touch. He just sighs heavily.


    ¡°Leave me alone.¡± It¡¯s a sulky, petnt half tearful snap.


    I yelp when he catches my upper arm and yanks me ungraciously with a little oomph back towards him,


    almost sending me off my high heels and I instinctively hit him in the chest with my free hand. Annoyed


    with the heavy-handed manhandling and re at him with as much hatred as I can.N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    ¡°You want me to say sorry? I¡¯m sorry. I really did think you would understand the why once you cooled


    down. I didn¡¯t try to hurt you. I figured you of all people in this building could figure out I didn¡¯t mean any


    of it.¡±


    He doesn¡¯t wait for me to say anything but takes my ss from me and downs it in one go, arrogantly,


    igniting more fury, which earns him an annoyed shoulder p and an irate ¡®hey¡¯.


    ¡°What? You were throwing it around rather than drinking it. Now shut up ande on.¡± Alexi grabs one


    of my waving hands as the doors slide open and pulls me out ungentlemanly towards the apartment


    door. Not even giving me a chance to retort to hisme apology.


    It earns him another p, this time in the back of those annoyingly broad shoulders, just full-on violent


    tonight. The only way I can expel all I¡¯m feeling because he is so shit at grovelling and I¡¯m in need of


    venting. Not that my feeble efforts would do him any damage. He doesn¡¯t even flinch, just keeps his


    demon grip on me and almost drags me into the t at the speed of light. He doesn¡¯t acknowledge my


    ps at all.


    ¡°You are a tosser, you know that?¡± I just sulk at his back when he finally lets me go in the open-n


    living room and heads for his beloved coffee maker, dumping my ss on the counter noisily and


    leaves me standing in the middle of the room.


    ¡°Yup.¡± He doesn¡¯t even look back and the arrogance in his manner, even now we are alone, sobers me


    a little. The loving, soft and sweet Alexi of this morning is severelycking right now, and I narrow my


    gaze at him distrustfully. There is a weird mood circling him, I can taste it.


    Maybest night was a fluke or maybe he¡¯s changed his mind now he has had space from me all day


    and realised themitted rtionship stuff wasn¡¯t really for him.


    My heart literally stops, as does my breath as my lungs pause painfully. Instant panic that maybe he


    doesn¡¯t want me anymore and I¡¯m just really slow to catch-up.


    It has the same effect as ripping my heart right out.


    ¡°What is with you tonight?¡± The words are out before I can filter them, strained, panic-ridden suddenly,


    and he just throws me back a strange pensive expression, a little surprised that I can sense it, before


    pulling open the cupboard for his coffee and supplies to get his machine going.


    Alexi isn¡¯t used to being read, I guess. He is normally so good at keeping all things under a mask.


    Which only adds to the weight of my growing hysteria that maybe I¡¯m right, and he really is


    backtracking his love confession and that¡¯s why he was so cold earlier.


    ¡°I have a lot on my mind. Sit. We need to talk.¡±


    Bossy, demanding, no hint of love, and I consider walking out and going back downstairs. I¡¯m not in the


    right frame of mind for arsehole Mafia boss. I already feel fragile and I know he possesses the switch to


    my crying mechanism. Now there is this added weird atmosphere and my nerves are telling me he is


    about to dump me before we are even a thing; I suddenly feel sick and bordering on dizziness so


    intense I sway on my feet slightly.


    ¡°Tea?¡± He asks in afterthought, his tone a little softer this time. It¡¯s almost as though he¡¯s reading me


    just as well as I¡¯m reading him and backs off, knowing he¡¯s being a jerk. Sensing my heightened


    emotions. I nod when he throws me a gentler look with a hint of a smile that brings out those dimples


    and he fills the kettle and turns it on.


    ¡°Ok, so now I know something is up. When do you make me tea?¡± I query nervously, voice a little high


    with nerves.


    ¡°About to break up with me or something?¡± It¡¯s a bad attempt at veiling a genuine fear with humour and


    it gets me a confused frown flicked my way.


    ¡°No.¡± He lets out a disbelieving chuckle, a second nce that hints he is contemting if I¡¯m serious,


    and then sighs. His face dropping as he realises that maybe I might be serious and hits me with an


    intense look, all seriousness oozing into his expression and manner.


    ¡°I love you, Cam. Nothing¡¯s changed. Just rx and have a little faith in my feelings. They aren¡¯t


    something I can switch off or lose interest in. I¡¯m sorry I was an asshole. I honestly didn¡¯t think you


    would take it this way. It won¡¯t happen again, I promise.¡± Another concerned little furrowed nce and


    he turns back to what he is doing, surprised that that¡¯s what would be in my head. Taking a moment to


    think while he does what he is doing.


    It isn¡¯t a slushy begging for my forgiveness, but it¡¯s an acknowledgement he did wrong; although I¡¯m


    still smarting, and he hasn¡¯t unruffled my featherspletely.


    Those three words though, they are very effective when he uses them the right way.


    I move to sit on the couch, anger and all the messy stuff inside me dissipating slightly with that one little


    reassurance. So easily swayed by him, despite myself, and just in need of something solid to take me


    off my Bambi legs. I feel like my limbs are turning to jelly.


    I slide down as elegantly as I can, pulling my feet to the side and slide my stilettos off. My feet almost


    sing with gratitude at being released from their tight prison after a night spending too much time on


    them. I rest my arm over the back of the couch to appear more rxed than I am, and watch him


    getting mugs out ready, looking oddly domestic for him. He keeps ncing my way with a little unsure


    glimmer on that face and it adds to the dampening effect on my upset.


    I think he¡¯s genuinely surprised that I thought he would end us, which smooths over a little of my anger


    even more.


    ¡°Santagato isn¡¯t behind the attempted abduction of you.¡± Ites out so unexpectedly. A random


    statement breaking the silence between us. I literally gawp at him as he continues readying my mug


    with a tea bag, taken aback by that. Stunned.


    ¡°What? He said that?¡± I blink at him in utter disbelief, heart plummeting once more, wondering if he


    would believe the man denying it.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t ask him, or for any favours either. The conversation took an early turn which cemented the fact


    it wasn¡¯t him.¡± Alexi turns and walks towards me to let the coffee machine do its thing andes and


    sits down right beside me, pulling my free hand into hisp and surrounds it with both of his snugly.


    Capturing me and wiping away even more of my hostility with such an affectionate touch. A reminder of


    last night and this morning which thaws my frost some more.


    ¡°I ¡­ umm ¡­ what?¡± It¡¯s all thates out of my stupefied mouth as my brain tries to catch up,


    distracted by the warmth of those strong hands and how they dwarf mine gently. The immense sense


    of overwhelming relief that he¡¯s back with me, not a hostile nasty-mouthed prick, but this one. Hand


    holding and I love you, and I realise I¡¯ve been so overwrought all day with the fear he was aplete


    figment of my imagination all along that it was manifesting in getting ready to dump him and run. That it


    was all a lie and I was setting myself up for heartbreak all over again.


    I am an insecure mess.


    But he¡¯s here, looking at me with that gentle calm face, eyes softer, tone lower, hands on mine. I exhale


    and let it all go in one ¡®close to tears¡¯ breath I¡¯ve been holding in all day. Not all the way to forgiveness,


    but he¡¯s right, I knew why and got so caught up in the emotion of it all.


    ¡°Santagato didn¡¯te to see me because of what happened with his son. He came to ask for intel.


    His mistress was found floating in the river at dawn and he doesn¡¯t think it was suicide.¡±


    The blood literally drains from my face, pulled back from my selfish thoughts as I watch Alexi¡¯s


    expression turnpletely deadpan, his whole manner slowing down to that scary precise way he has


    when he is outwardly controlling all signs of emotion. He doesn¡¯t want to give me a reason to freak out.


    It¡¯s a huge reason to do so though and his reaction, the deathly seriousness of it, only brings on the


    freak-out faster. I stop breathing and grip his fingers so tightly I cut off blood cirction.


    ¡°A few weeks ago, Dimitri Carmichael, another family head, found his long-term submissive hanging in


    her apartment. At the time they thought it was suicide, but it¡¯s looking a little too coincidental. Going


    after the mistresses of the most powerful men in New York. Add your attempted abduction as a


    possibility, and it looks a little less random and more premeditated and specific.¡±


    I choke on a cough while trying to inhale and panic as I try to breathe, words tumbling out painfully.


    ¡°Why them, us? Why not families or wives?¡± I lean forward to cough it out shifting my whole body to a


    sitting position as I attempt to catch my breath and Alexi ces a warm hand on my back and rubs it to


    help soothe me. His t palm working smoothly in circles and giving me something to cling to, to focus


    on as I stop myself from outright hyperventtion. Fear turning me cold as it sinks in that he was right


    all along, and a real threat has been looming over me all this time.


    ¡°They are sending a message, not trying to start a war. No mob boss would retaliate over a


    meaningless piece of skirt.¡±


    This gets a gasping wide-eyed look thrown his way, that hint of venomous anger returning, and I sit up


    harshly.


    ¡°I forgot ¡­ in your world unless you marry us then we are worthless and at the bottom of the pecking


    order. Disposablemodities you don¡¯t give a shit about.¡± I sound furious even though I know it¡¯s not


    his fault. That he cares about me. It¡¯s just how it is. Women in this game are meaningless and easy to


    rece. Like I was. His show downstairs in front of Santagato is the norm for women like me and only


    reminds me that he isn¡¯t the norm with me. I matter, even if he was being aplete idiot. The proof is


    right here now.


    Whores are ten-a-penny to a man with power and money. Only wives and family have any value or


    hold any sort of stance where respect is concerned. Whoever is going after the women in their lives


    know this and see them as disposable toys that won¡¯t harbour any reale back.


    ¡°Well, that is an option. Would take you out of the firing line.¡± His solution earns him my fierce snapping


    back in.


    I re at him this time as he takes all the romance out of what would be him suggesting marriage and


    shake my head angrily. I won¡¯t do something as drastic as that just to stay safe. Hurt that, to him,


    marriage would be a useful tool rather than a need to spend his life with me.


    ¡°I¡¯ll pass on your dutiful n. Don¡¯t do me any favours!¡± I snap under my breath, aching inside a little


    too much at something so dumb. It¡¯s not that I ever thought about marriage, ever, or is even something


    I want, it¡¯s just something like that should not be a second thought resolution to a problem like this. It


    should mean something.


    Alexi just sighs at me, sensing this is not the mood I need to be in to go down that route and carries on


    instead.


    ¡°Whoever is behind this, they know how it works and is close enough to have specifics on who we are


    fucking. They had to have seen us together to click that you and I had merit. Back then, we were ¡­


    complicated, but they still knew I cared about you.¡±


    I feel like everything just stops, including time and my heartbeat as my anger falls away once more,


    shocked out of me with real fear. It slides down to my feet along with my body warmth and my security


    and puddles on the floor limply.


    ¡°So, they might try again? I might not be safe?¡±


    Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

 Chapter 158

    Chapter 158


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I think it¡¯s best to assume you are not in the clear. From this moment on, you won¡¯t be


    anywhere I am not if it can be helped. I don¡¯t want you on the club floor until I know what¡¯s going on


    and why. You are exposed down there, and when it¡¯s dark and crowded, all it takes is one moment with


    the wrong guy in the shadows. I can¡¯t lose you.¡±


    My heart sinks at the thought of being a prisoner in this apartment once more, but what can I do. Spies


    everywhere and down there I¡¯m too essible on a busy night. He¡¯s right. Security would need to


    babysit my every move; all it would take is a minute. A poisoned drink, an injection, or even a de to


    the right part of my anatomy. These are the means these people use and they have the courage to go


    after someone in a club on a busy night. They already tried once.


    ¡°Santagato, he came to you for help ¡­ so it¡¯s definitely not him, or this Carmichael?¡± I¡¯m almost


    choking on the words but asking questions is all that is keeping me from a full-blown freak-out.


    ¡°No. We have a sit-down tomorrow afternoon, all five families. Whoever this is, they are not known to


    us. I think someone is moving into the city and trying to disy a powerful front. Getting to us close to


    home, showing they have balls, the means and insider knowledge. This seems a lot like someone


    trying to make a mark before they move into my territory.¡± Alexi¡¯s grip on my hand loosens as he turns it


    over and seems to inspect my dainty fingers in his, running his index finger down the small thumb


    against hisrger one and measuring my small hand in hisrger one.


    I¡¯ve never understood the mechanics of the old Italian code, but I know that certain things are more of


    an inconvenience than a deration of war. Targeting the women who hold no value; Alexi is right. It¡¯s


    not a call to start a war, it¡¯s an effort at saying ¡®Look how cocky and well ced I am. You should


    consider me worthy¡¯. Someone is trying to piss on their property and show dominance.


    I curl up against him instinctively, like a child in need of reassurance, forgetting why I¡¯m even mad at


    him anymore when my brain is swirling with something this serious and this real. A threat and one


    aimed at me. It has just dawned on me that the attempted kidnapping was a fail and they might not be


    done with me yet if Alexi is one of the men on their hit list. Considering how things are between us now,


    then I would be a very good weapon against him.


    He cares ¡­ therefore it would be highly effective to throw him off his game. Even I know it would fuck


    him up if I died.


    I tried that, and he admits he panicked and hauled me to a hospital where he stayed by my side until he


    knew I was ok. If I died, I can¡¯t even imagine what he would do.


    Shit


    ¡°What do we do now?¡± I sound feeble, weak-voiced and afraid; he slides an arm around me, pulling me


    up against him so I cany my head on his chest and he leans his chin on top of my crown. Close and


    safe, everything less terrifying when I¡¯m in his arms. Less likely to hyperventte or cry, or curl into a


    ball and hide under the sofa.


    ¡°We act carefully. You stick with Jackson no matter what and whenever I can, I will have you with me.


    My apartment is like Fort Knox and has live-in security, a housekeeper and a gardener there all the


    time. We should think about moving you there and just y safe until I know more.¡±


    I look up, blink at him again, this time in referencing a gardener when he clearly said apartment. A


    stupid thing to catch on but my head isn¡¯t exactly following a logical thought pattern in my weird


    shocked state.


    I have never heard of any billionaire penthouse apartments which had need of a gardener before, but I


    curl up again and let it slide, assuming he is making some weird, vague joke. Alexi has an odd sense of


    humour at the weirdest of times. I don¡¯t even stop to ponder the fact he said he wants to move me to


    his own home. It¡¯s unimportant and just a measure to keep me safe.


    ¡°I have to go for my nail appointment tomorrow morning, it¡¯s a busy salon and the only time they can


    see me for a month. I can¡¯t cancel, Alexi. My nails are badly in need of an infill. I have other


    appointments too. I can¡¯t just up and leave here like that, this is my home and my job.¡±


    I¡¯m rambling.


    I know it¡¯s such a stupid thing to be worrying about, but all this could be for nothing andst months. I


    can¡¯t let myself look shit because we are on some sort of code red, and I will go insane with only walls


    as a view and nothing to upy my time with. Alexi will stop fancying me if my hair gets three-inch


    roots and my nails look like I have been gardening in his imaginary whatever without a shovel ¡­


    trowel? I don¡¯t even know as I have never tended nts in my life.


    Okay, so I¡¯m kind of losing my shit.


    I pull myself out of his arms to twist and turn and look at him, cing a palm on his chest to keep


    myself upright and he runs his fingers up my wrist and arm until his hand cups my face gently. Soothing


    me instantly and I return to calmer, less erratic thoughts. He pulls me close and kisses me softly on the


    mouth, stilling my manic panic.


    ¡°Then Jackson is with you every second of the appointment. He¡¯s ex-military, highly trained and won¡¯t


    let anything happen to you. I can meet you after, as I still have ns that we never got around to. I¡¯m


    not done with convincing you to stay with me.¡±


    I nch. Jackson hardly seems like a stealth weapon, but then I guess he must have hidden talents if


    Alexi trusted him to be my shadow all this time. I guess I never even connected Jackson with anything


    terrifying because to me, he is an oversized puppy dog; Alexi would never have chosen him if he


    wasn¡¯t the best at protecting me, now that I think about it. Of course, he would choose his best because


    he loves me, but I just cannot see it.


    ¡°So, until future notice, I have to live up here and not work? How the hell am I going to survive that? I


    don¡¯t do being caged up and bored very well. This may kill me all by itself.¡±


    Alexi¡¯s heavy sigh matches mine, and he brushes the hair back off my face in that affectionate little way


    of his. Another reminder of yesterday and I know I¡¯mpletely lost, back under his spell.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure we can find something to fill your time. Use this temporary phase to spend time together.¡± He


    pulls me into hisp properly so I end up straddling him, stretching my dress, which luckily has a high


    Lycra content or else I would be billing him for a recement. I nuzzle downfortably on top of his


    strong, wide thighs, fully aware that this could be an ultimate horn pushing position if I wriggled enough,


    but he strokes my face instead and all thoughts of sex flutter away, doused by trepidation.


    His body and mine seem to fit together so naturally like this, but it doesn¡¯t move the heavy weight of


    anxiety from deep within me. Even if I do automatically check him out with both eyes and hands,


    smoothing over his shoulders and hook behind that tanned tattooed neck. Coming to rest on the eyes


    of the devil and finding only peace.


    ¡°Hmm.¡± I don¡¯t sound convinced but deep down I know that this is inevitable.


    Women are dead. It may be a coincidence, or it may not. Either way, I have no choice but to let him do


    what he does best. Protect me in any way he sees fit. Trust his instincts and obey him for once. He has


    never steered me wrong in the past when it was for my protection. I can rely on him for that.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go to bed.¡± Alexi breaks into my thoughts, a wave of exhaustion overtaking that handsome face


    and he runs his hands up my sides and under my arms to lift me off hisp, the touch tickling me, so I


    flinch and giggle involuntarily.


    ¡°Together?¡± It¡¯s out before my brain engages, and as he pulls me with him to a standing position he


    sweeps in and floors me with a semi-passionate kiss. That stubbly face and warm lips devouring me


    immediately and pushing all refusals far away. Moaning lightly with the overwhelming sensations he


    ignites any time his lips meet mine. Kissing me senseless. He pulls back but keeps me close, a hand


    on my jawline, his nose pressed to mine as we share air and space, inhaling how good he always


    smells.


    ¡°Why not? I like sleeping beside you. It feels right and makes me happy.¡± He doesn¡¯t wait for my


    answer, turning me and tugs me with him dominantly, abandoning tea and coffee as the machine


    perctes in the background and he leads me to his room instead. No hesitation when he knows what


    he wants. My dominant pushy arsehole of a man.


    I wouldn¡¯t really change it if I¡¯m being honest.


    ¡°You know I still don¡¯t want to ¡­¡± I pause by his door, tugging back to stop him as we near the room.


    Nerves rising inside me as I eye up the dark interior and that ck sheeted bed that has seen plenty of


    action. The tremor of doubt still inside me.


    ¡°I promise, I¡¯ll keep my hands to myself. I just want you beside me. It¡¯s been a long day and you have a


    way of making me forget everything.¡± He leans in slowly and gives me another soft kiss on the mouth,


    this time grazing warm firm lips against mine in a feather-light burst of eruptive tingles, silencing my


    doubts, and then gently pulls me into the room before breaking away.


    I don¡¯t object and let him lead the way.


    I¡¯m not over my irritation from earlier but the lure of sharing his bed and sleep is calling me, knowing


    the sense of secure and safe he gives me is more powerful than the tug of being naked with him. There


    is no sense in denying myself that kind ofpletion as I already know I¡¯m weak as hell when ites


    to this man.


    I mean, I was contemting leaving the bugger until he came home and touched me. I really have no


    willpower against him.


    I¡¯m pathetic.


    My morning starts out quiet and weirdly calm. Alexi is gone when I wake up, but the little note he left


    propped on his empty pillow, informs me he is downstairs working in the building today, until his


    meetingter.


    The little note I may have held and pondered over for far too long. Tracing the neat script writing and


    the little out of character kisses at the end. Heart all butterflies and stupid teen girl feelings coursing


    through my body. Feeling all sorts of goofy and smiley, mood instantly sunshine with something so


    basic.


    Mush is bing a permanent mood for me when ites to this man.


    Just the simple act of being considerate and I¡¯m a pathetic puddle of icky goo. He didn¡¯t want me to


    wake up alone and think he had once again abandoned me after a night of curling up and sleeping in


    his arms. He wanted me to wake up and know that he wasn¡¯t far away and left me sleeping while he


    had work to do. The guy really is trying to be someone I could love and have faith in.


    Last night we didn¡¯t talk much. Just curled up in bed in underwear and held onto each other after the


    initial small talk and awkwardness of getting into it. Cuddling, staring at the stark darkness while he


    yed with my hair and told me how happy he was that I was in his bed. It felt serene, peaceful and


    cosy. Entwined limbs and gentle caresses. It felt right and safe.


    He kissed my temple when he sensed my breathing became heavy and even as drowsiness hit, and


    then I drifted off with my head on his chest so quickly it was insane. Completely forgiving him for his


    behaviour earlier that day.


    Waking to his note made sure yesterday is a distant memory.


    Morning Beautiful, I couldn¡¯t sleep in with you, but I will be downstairs in the office when you wake.


    Come see me when you are up, break up my mundane day with a little British sexiness and that smile.


    Lexi xx


    Alexi really is different this time.


    He even used my version of his name as a sign-off. A shortened habit I somehow naturally started


    using, and it¡¯s bing the version which rolls off my tongue before his full name does. I don¡¯t know


    why. Maybe because it¡¯s softer, cuter and somehow more personal having my own version of his name.


    Something that makes him mine. Like he calls me Cam. Even though everyone else in the building


    keeps it at a full Cami. I have stopped noticing that I say it and only tend to use Alexi when he pisses


    me off.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    Maybe getting closer and giving this a chance might be easier than I thought it would.


    Looking divine in a fitted shift dress and silky straight hair, I wander down at midday, feeling weirdly


    upbeat consideringst night¡¯s conversation about Santagato. I took my time, giving myself deliberate


    space to get ready even though I was itching to go find him and see him as soon as I woke up. I


    refrained, held myself back and mentally gave myself a stern talking to.


    I have watched girls for years throw themselves at men and run after them like sad little puppy dogs. I


    won¡¯t be that girl. I may love him, but he has a lot to prove and I have to fight myself tooth and nail not


    to forget that when I¡¯m being smothered with charm and sexy affection. It¡¯s so easy to let it all go and


    take him at face value when he is being an adoring man who leaves me wake-up notes.


    Need to remind myself this is only part of the picture and I must see all of him before Imit to


    anything. I have to see him mad at me, hell-bent on punishment.


    I dressed formally again with less full-on sassy, and a little of my reserved and understated today. Get


    the lift to the office floor with my mind on one thing and nothing else.


    Seeing him.


    From the second I opened my eyes it¡¯s like I could feel him on the floor below and was being drawn to


    go there. I miss him, even though he hasn¡¯t left. I need to upy the same space as he is to feel


    settled again.


    I know I will be banned from the lowest floors as soon as doors open but until then I still have the run of


    my own building. I won¡¯t let cabin fever set in if I don¡¯t have to and fully intend to utilise my daytime


    freedom. The club is out of bounds when not open, so I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll be safe to roam around until it does.


    Alexi is in the office with Mico when I get down there; both dressed in sportswear, ck of course, a


    shock of shocks.


    They¡¯re really not adventurous about moving into any great deal of colour outside the monochrome of


    ck, grey and white in most of their outfits.


    Both are looking fresh and showered as they lean over the side desk and pour over papers while


    mumbling to each other in quiet tones. Hushed bookends who are so very simr from behind. From


    here they sound identical, also Italian. I realise they¡¯re not even speaking English as I pass and throw


    them both a quick amused nce, checking out Alexi¡¯s pert and toned arse in his sweatpants and give


    him a ten for sexiness. Okay, maybe a twelve.


    They are both so focused on what they are doing; they don¡¯t hear me or see mee in.


    ¡°Afternoon gentleman.¡± I interrupt sweetly, smiling merrily at them, wander in and head for the main


    desk. It¡¯s obvious he has been sitting there as papers are strewn on the surface and the seat is out and


    facing the side as though he has just got up. I go for it, about to stake my im in my jovial upbeat


    mood, knowing this tug of war over whose desk it is won¡¯t end soon.


    I¡¯ll show him who is boss today. It¡¯s all mine.


    ¡°Hey!¡±


    I jump as a warm strong grasp mps my wrist and I¡¯m tugged around, almost toppling me from my


    shoes into Alexi. He hits me with a kiss so fast I don¡¯t see iting. Left reeling for a moment,


    teetering, he rights me with a steadying arm around my waist, squeezing me close so we are nose to


    nose and leaves me breathless. It¡¯s a chaste pressing together of lips but it does major funny things to


    my insides on every level. Squishy toyse to mind and small toddler chubby fingers gripping them.


    ¡°That was a rather aggressive manoeuvre.¡± I point out with an impulsive giggle; Mico is watching us


    from where he is standing with a hint of amusement on his face. It¡¯s not that I have never had an


    audience before, but I¡¯m aware of his presence. A little too aware and it makes me nce by Alexi¡¯s


    sexy smile to check that Mico isn¡¯t staring at us.


    ¡°You walked by me without a hello, sooo. Hello.¡± Alexi¡¯s smile is of the 1000 kilowatt today as he tilts in


    for a second kiss, but I know we¡¯re being watched and turn away from him quickly. Face reddening


    suddenly as embarrassment floods me and I try to avoid looking at either man. Losing my cool, instant


    awkwardness and I stare at my feet as I try to unravel myself from him.


    I have never been shy, God knows there was no room for it in my life, but suddenly, being watched


    while Alexi is being cute and intimate feels odd. I feel like we are performing, or under a microscope


    somehow. The scrutiny is heavy.


    He nces back at Mico after being rejected with my invasive response and sighs. Sensing why and


    checking to see if his cousin is in fact watching. He¡¯s not. It¡¯s my paranoia.


    ¡°She¡¯s shy. Who knew?¡± He points out to his buddy in an attempt at humour, covering what sounds like


    tiny disappointment in his voice and I wriggle to get free, annoyed he kept a tight grip on me when I


    tried to escape.


    ¡°So I see.¡± Mico smiles our way, over his shoulder and moves to turn around so he is fully facing the


    other way. Obviously trying to make me feelfortable, like the good egg he always is.


    ¡°Maybe she just doesn¡¯t like you.¡± I butt in sarcastically at Alexi and move quickly to get out of his reach


    while he is distracted. Sliding his arm off me as he goes tosso me again and getting a frown in


    response with my quick dodge. I duck and step away.


    ¡°She does, she just won¡¯t admit it yet. Needs me to work harder.¡± He replies with a faultless smile,


    directing his gaze at me again, following my movements and seems unfazed by me avoiding him. He is


    in a better mood this morning and it¡¯s a little strange considering how stressed he seemedst night.


    I¡¯m not used to him being this full-on when inpany though. I guess as it¡¯s Mico he isn¡¯t refraining


    from a show of affection.


    He is grinning like a Cheshire cat at me again and has more of a Gino aura around him that changes


    the whole atmosphere of the room. That boyish,id back manner of his brother¡¯s. He seems way too


    chilled and Mr Smiley.


    ¡°Why are you so perky and joyful, anyway?¡± I deflect, hoping a change of topic will give me some


    breathing space. Although he hasn¡¯t stopped watching me like a hawk and is still very close to where


    I¡¯m trying to get to the desk to sit down.


    ¡°Why not? I woke up with a beautiful girl in my bed, sun in the sky and a billion dor increase to my


    bank ount. It¡¯s a good day.¡± He shrugs and moves to follow me to the seat I¡¯m rushing for, obviously


    not done with me yet.


    I don¡¯t even falter at the mention of that much money. I know recently he had some corporate deal in


    the making and the payoff was huge. Hispany bringing in more revenue all over and a nice fat


    bonus as the CEO. A billion dors might not be an exaggeration. It¡¯s something I¡¯m slowly getting


    used to in his world. That to him, thousands of dors are an hourly pay rate.


    Alexi isn¡¯t just lord of the crime world; he is also a shrewd businessman with legal corporate dealings of


    his own and many more he has an interest in purchasing. Best of both worlds.


    I never understood why they still follow arms and drugs in and out of the country when he can make a


    killing in other ways. I guess when a family has been built on and thrives on crime, then it¡¯s hard to let it


    go. The reputation and dangerous edge make him more worthy and less likely to be screwed over.


    God knows.


    Carrero was one of the original Mafia families from Sicily and the roots run deep. Tradition and


    reputation are not something they like to kill. I¡¯m sure it doesn¡¯t hurt when investors are too scared to


    rock the boat or deny him anything, either.


    ¡°I guess those are all good reasons.¡± I slide into the chair, but hees to perch his butt on the desk


    right in front of me, making it clear I¡¯m not getting away from his attention. He can be like a child


    sometimes. He wants your full undying focus on him, and you have no say until he gets bored. A lift of


    the hand and he trails his fingers across my cheek delicately, igniting goosebumps and that fluttering


    sensation in my belly. I push them away, annoyed at myself for reacting, and frown at him,


    ufortable with not being alone when he is showing this side. I make myself busy with looking for


    papers in the drawers for the stock take I was doing a couple of days ago and try to appear normal.


    Acting like I didn¡¯te down here with the sole purpose of seeing him. Even if I did.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Are you still pissed from yesterday? I thought you were over that?¡± He asks softly, a


    little tinge of hurt concern in his tone, slightly strained, soft, this time at my batting him away and I


    nce towards Mico as an answer. Eyes flickering on his huge form, who has his back to us while he


    reads the papers on the desk, and then back to what I¡¯m doing. I know Alexi is master eagle eyes of


    bodynguage and hints, so he should understand my silent message.


    I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m finding this unsettling to have him here when Alexi is being sweet. I guess deep


    down it¡¯s because Alexi being soft makes me more so, and it¡¯s a vulnerability I don¡¯t like people seeing.


    It''s ok for Alexi to see it ¡­ he¡¯s Alexi. It¡¯s not okay for anyone else to see me at my weakest. Getting


    behind my wall and knowing I can be human and can be tender and loving too, for the right man. It¡¯s


    not an act or a y for something I want. It¡¯s genuine, and I don¡¯t want to feel watched.


    ¡°He knows you have a heart Cam, it¡¯s not a shock to him. He was always fighting your corner and


    reminding me you were vulnerable.¡± Alexi answers, reading me a little too well. My cheeks flush with


    how dumb it sounds out loud and I continue to pull open drawers and avoid his gaze on me. Startled


    though that Mico saw that much when I tried so hard to stay strong.


    ¡°Here, here. Sassy but fragile at times. You don¡¯t have to hide from me, Cami.¡± Mico chimes in


    across the room ncing at me with a handsome smile, a nod that is meant to reassure me before he


    turns and is back reading the paperwork in front of him. Giving us space in his own way. I just fix my


    gaze on his wide back for a moment and ignore Alexi eating into the side of my skull with those wolfish


    eyes.


    ¡°I know ¡­ it¡¯s just ¡­¡± I almost whisper it, feeling foolish.


    ¡°You¡¯re worried people will see you as soft and no longer respect you. That they might think they can


    mess with you.¡± Alexi finishes my sentence for me, and I exhale heavily without really confirming that is


    exactly what it is. Mico knows me as tough and sassy. He hasn¡¯t seen me go to mush and love hearts


    when Alexi showers me with his softer side. The raw, vulnerable part of me thates out and I know


    she¡¯s an easy to target to crush when out in the open like that. Not that Mico would, but it¡¯s just I¡¯ve


    never let my guard down the way I do with Alexi, for anyone. I don¡¯t want others to see it. I don¡¯t want


    them to know that my heart beats at all. That I can be wounded like any other mortal girl. It¡¯s why I run


    when I¡¯m afraid. So that people don¡¯t get a chance to inflict more pain when I¡¯m already low.


    ¡°In my defence. I saw it all along.¡± Mico turns again and shes me a wink this time that makes me feel


    stupid for reacting like this. He has always had my back, and he figured out my feelings for Alexi even


    before I did. I need to learn to trust him too. He has never left me doubting his intentions and he¡¯s


    rooting for his cousin and me to make this work. If anyone would be happy to see us growing closer,


    then it would be him. He has given us space and quiet support thesest few days. Kept out of the way


    and left us to have tender moments while with him without imposing.

 Chapter 159

    Chapter 159


    I¡¯m being ridiculous.


    ¡°You did.¡± I smile shyly, knowing he did, can¡¯t deny it really and stare at the desk instead, aware of both


    of their eyes eating into me now, and once again that overly heavy uneasinesses over me. I jump


    when Alexi touches my shoulder to pull my attention to him.


    ¡°Mico is the one person I trust most in the world, besides you ¡­ and sometimes my idiot brother.¡± He


    jokes in afterthought. That soft, subtle hint of a smile, his voice husky and affectionate, so much depth


    and meaning in so few words. The way his pale eyes bore into mine as he says it sets my nerves


    tingling and heart hammering in my chest in a gooey, lovesick weirdo way that only adds to the blush


    spreading across my cheekbones.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you two some privacy. I need to go check on the men, anyway.¡± Mico shifts from his perch,


    hearing the change in Alexi and sensing the heaviness of the moment and gets up. He knows when


    two people need a few moments to have themselves something intimate. Leaving rapidly, which only


    makes me blush even more.


    ¡°Think you made him feel awkward.¡± I point out to Alexi, but he just leans in and cages me in by resting


    his palms on either side of my chair, so his facees level with mine and I have no escape. This


    close it¡¯s easy topletely lose yourself in that handsome face and alluring set of eyes. He smells


    edible, like always and that subtle aftershave he always wears surrounds me warmly. I stare at his


    mouth with that inevitable longing to be kissed, whenever he gets close.


    ¡°I think he could sense how much I wanted to do this.¡± Alexi moves in deliberately, using his nose to


    brush against mine and ignite a million sensations. He tilts his head as he angles to kiss me properly.


    This time slow and smooth as he finds my mouth, connects us faultlessly and teases my lips open with


    his. His hands automatically sliding into my hair behind my ears so he can gently hold me and holds


    himself in an awkward position to kiss me properly.


    My hands move up to cradle his jawline, strong and defined although spiky with five o¡¯clock shadow as


    I kiss him back. That rough grate against my skin, his face against mine which feels highly erotic. I


    move in to make it more passionate and use my tongue to trace his, as I too get lost in pressing us


    together as close as is humanly possible. That soft stomach fluttering slide of his against mine. Our


    mouths locked as he kisses the sense right out of me with a practised technique.


    Alexi kisses in a way that suits me perfectly. As though we were always meant to do this to each other,


    synced by nature and moulded to be a snug fit. As I lose myself in the familiar feel and taste of him,


    surrendering every part of myself to the hot igniting passion that grows between us, I¡¯m aware my


    underwear heats and mydy parts hint that maybe a service would be a good thing. That tense,


    yearning ache thates on when you desperately want sex. Knees pressing together tobat my


    stomach tying itself in knots as my toes curl from his attention.


    Sex is a no-go because of trust, but it doesn¡¯t stop my body craving him every time he touches me. Our


    chemistry is still as strong as it¡¯s always been and right now, I want to devour him whole. My


    temperature soars and skin prickles. Straight back to when I was fuelled by alcohol and my brain took a


    long break to dumnd.


    He¡¯s breaking me down with every day I get to experience this side of him, and the longing for sex is


    almost killing me with a fever of crazy horniness caused by this man. My body ups a gear so quickly,


    aching to feel him inside me again as memories of how well we fit together sends little explosions from


    my inner thighs up through my core and into my lower abdomen¡ªjust from a kiss. The first hints of how


    easily I would achieve an orgasm when this turned on. I don¡¯t think it would take much.


    Alexi slides his hands behind me, down to my waist to encircle me tightly and pulls me out of the chair


    and into the open space between his feet, pulling us back so he can straighten. He has his butt against


    the desk, sat slightly so I¡¯m nearly his height like this. I end up cradled right against him, between his


    legs snugly, arms wrapped around me so he can continue to kiss me senseless. All while feeling every


    part of my body moulded to his hard, seductive form, like a full-on, every inch pressed together puzzle


    piece. He has the body of a god.


    My blood is pumping fast, body on fire with desire as I wrap my arms around his neck and let go


    completely. Abandoning all reasoning in my lust-fuelled haze. Fingers trailing the cor of his T-shirt


    while being cradled tightly in his arms, pressed against that strong chest. They somehow find their way


    down his abdomen, squeezing between us and underneath his clothes to trace out a sculpted six pack


    and the waistband of his sweats. Tempted to pull them towards me and go fishing for what I want the


    most. Alexi¡¯s hands move and slide down my curves, one hand to my thigh before he slides it up and


    under the hem of my dress and pulls me sharply to him so I can¡¯t feel him out anymore, crushing my


    own hands t between us. His other around my waist inching down to my arse.


    Alexi finds it easily, the other hand following suit, smoothing his fingers down to cup both cheeks,


    gripping, pulling me hard against his groin with a little aggressive grasping that only makes me crave


    him more. His tongue caresses mine expertly, muffling my moans of pleasure. He has me feeling all


    kinds of sexy and desirable as he slides over my body and feels out every part of me with a raw hunger


    that is almost primal.


    This man has me groaning, panting, writhing against his growing erection and we have toe up for


    air before I selfbust. I literally let him grope me senseless while investigating every inch of my


    mouth with his. Fever pitch heat emanating between us as we both break free to catch our breath.


    Both struggling to inhale properly, we stay together breathlessly with nose tips touching and eyes


    locked intensely. He turns me, guiding my body in his usual domineering manner so I get butted


    against the desk instead. Eyes never leaving mine, inhaling each other¡¯s air.


    His hands slide to my thighs, push up my dress to pants level and he grips them and lifts me up, so my


    hands fly to his chest to steady myself. He perches my butt on the desk in a fluid motion and my feet


    dangle free of the floor, opening my knees to get as close as he can. He slides my dress further up my


    thighs, so it doesn¡¯t restrict me, and exposes my underwear fully before he dives in again to kiss me


    dizzy. His obvious erection pushes against my scantce underwear, which is throbbing with intense


    heat and I flinch with the contact, groaning under my breath at just how much it arouses me.


    This time I have him between my thighs where he feels a little too good, and I swear if the fabric of our


    clothes were not a barrier right now, I would let him take me here and now. Such little willpower. I¡¯m so


    wet my underwear is soaking through as we continue and part of me just wants him to take one of


    those hands and fondle so I can get a little relief. He isn¡¯t venturing anywhere near though. Hands on


    my hips, tongue in my mouth, groin pressed hard against my pelvis, but he is behaving in a very


    gentlemanly manner concerning touching. Alexi is not angling for sex, just pushing me to the heights of


    horny because he can.


    And he knows he can do it too. Always got to have his little kick of control.


    I don¡¯t want to stop though.


    God, I want him to keep going, rip my knickers off and take me on the desk like a caveman. We both


    know Alexi is a sex god when that crazy aggressive desire is unleashed. I can almost taste how much I


    want it. He has me going crazy with desire. Pressing into him, hauling at him to get closer and biting his


    lip. Kissing him with a ravenous appetite, fingers trawling his neck and scalp. I get my knees up at his


    hips and press him to try and urge a little dry humping, wrapping my legs around him to try to pull him


    on top of me. Alexi just continues devouring me with sensual, hot kisses and his hands stay firmly


    where they are.


    I want sex. I want sex. I want sex now, right here, this goddamn second, before I scream. Jesus, I SO


    WANT SEX!


    And therein lies my fear. How willing I am to just let him take that final step back to sex and power over


    me and its insanely stupid. Like I¡¯ve learned nothing from the past and have no desire to protect myself


    from history repeating itself. I¡¯m so dumb sometimes. I have zero will to stop this, in fact, I don¡¯t even


    try. Just kiss harder, deeper, run my hands down his front and massage his bulge to make it clear I


    want him to fuck me.


    There¡¯s a knock on the door and I pounce away from him guiltily, leaning back and creating distance,


    shame washing over me that I¡¯m literally this weak anytime he gets those lips near mine and push him


    back as I struggle to the floor. Sense hitting hard, hands removed from his crotch while he grins at me


    for thatst fondle and something deep inside of me yells curse words at myck of willpower.


    It¡¯s not the mostdylike of efforts, but as reality ps me around the head that thirty seconds more


    and I would have been on my knees sucking the hell out of him, goading him to let me screw him on


    the desk, it¡¯s a sobering shake.


    Alexi looks bemused, almost as though he can hear all my thoughts and he knows where we were


    heading, but helps me get back on my feet, with my dress smoothed down again before calling out.


    ¡°Come in.¡±


    He watches me right myself and I press my palms to my cheeks to cool the heat that is flushing all over


    my body. Heart bursting out of my chest as though we just had a sex marathon all over the office and


    strangely antsy that it got interrupted.


    I can feel his eyes devouring me like a predator as I move away, sense tells me it is lust based rather


    than that he wants to y me for dinner, and it doesn¡¯t help me calm my frazzled nerves or sizzling


    libido in the slightest. I can¡¯t help the rush of excitement at that little thought, he wants me as much as I


    want him and push it down deep to bury it in the depths of my stomach.


    BOB needs to spend a long busy night with meter, to get rid of some of this pent-up crazy. A good


    few orgasms on my battery-operated fuck buddy should curb some of this insane craving. If Alexi wants


    to bed share, I may have to tend to myself in the bathroom first.


    ¡°Mr Carrero.¡± It¡¯s one of his drivers and he looks perplexed as he takes in my flushed and wrinkled self,


    trying to act innocent and failing if the heavy breathing I have going on and his boss looking like a guy


    who may start dry humping my leg is anything to go by. Sporting the hints of a trouser tent that is trying


    to go down. Alexi instantly reverts to his hard, cold manner. Face closing to deadpan and aura of


    aggressive psycho like a cloak sweeping over him.


    I guess the poor driver can feel the sizzling sexual tension in the air, judging by his apologetic manner.


    It¡¯s thick as city smog and what he may have just interrupted with his timely intrusion.


    ¡°What?¡± Alexi snaps a little harshly, obviously frustrated and then clears his throat, tenses his neck


    from side to side and looks at the man in a much more controlled way. Lack of getting further affecting


    him too, even if he wanted to act like it didn¡¯t. It¡¯s all over him now. That hostile sex starved manner of a


    man who got turned on and can¡¯t do shit about it. I wonder if he¡¯s a man who self-pleasures. We might


    both be hiding in our bathroomster and having a cold shower before sharing a bed tonight.


    ¡°Your datest night left this in the car, and I didn¡¯t know if you wanted me to return it.¡± He holds up a


    fur capelet, dangling it like a dead animal in the suddenly deathly silent room and everything in me


    literally turns to ashes and falls around my feet in the most heart-stopping, brutal and crushing way.


    I spin on the man, eyes widening to huge proportions in gasping horror, heart plummeting and just


    gawp at him horrendously.


    ¡°Your what?¡±


    I spit the question at him venomously, unable to control the outburst of shocked pain that hits me and


    bubbles forth, and the strained tone in my voice betraying the instant hurt. Like a stab to the chest as


    those words filter through my brain and I realise that I¡¯ve been living in a fantasynd and forgetting


    exactly who this arsehole really is.


    A date! A fucking date with a fucking woman, who left part of her wardrobe in his goddamn car.


    I¡¯m such aplete and utter blind moron.


    It¡¯s like all those niggles of mistrust and disbelief just burst all over my head and pour over me like icy


    cold water. All the reasons I kept telling myself to keep my guard up. Here they are¡ªstaring me in the


    bloody face as they shatter my soul to pieces.


    Last night when he fucked off all night with Santagato and then showed up on the club floor already


    showered and changed. He had a date ¡­ he had a date all night, away from me, with another woman,


    followed by a shower ¡­ which can only mean ¡­


    Oh, my God.


    There is only one reason you shower before presenting yourself to the woman you are meant to be


    dating. To hide the stench of a cheap whore on your skin.


    I feel sick at the thought of him screwing some harpy and thening and lying in bed with me, giving


    me all this bullshit about me being who he wants. All thatst night, cuddling up, sweet caresses and


    gentle words. It¡¯s all fucking shit, nothing but ashes in my mouth now as I realise; he hasn¡¯t cared about


    pushing for sex because he¡¯s still getting it elsewhere. It¡¯s all just fake and empty promises and exactly


    what I should have expected.


    ¡°Burn it, I don¡¯t give a shit.¡± Alexi sounds angry, but my seething rage built from aching pain is all-


    consuming and I turn on him fiercely. Blinded to the fact he has someone here with us by the utter


    incontroble heartbreak I¡¯m experiencing.


    I fucking believed him when he said he loved me. Even when I told myself I didn¡¯t ¡­ this is the proof


    that I did. This pain, this slicing my soul into tiny shards of sharp ss. The splintering of a heart that


    never fully recovered from the first time.


    ¡°Your fucking WHAT? I hiss at him again, gritting my teeth to try to control the spiralling emotions I


    cannot contain. The hysteria of a crazydy growing bigger than I can contain and ripping through my


    skull at a rate of knots.


    This is bigger than anything I have ever felt in my life, and I wonder if this is how betrayal really feels


    when it¡¯s someone you love. Unleashing the crazy in me as jealousy devours my soul and turns my


    heart to stone. It cuts deeper than anything he did before; because this time, I stupidly dared to hope


    and believe. He ripped the rug out from under me.


    Alexi stays fixed and motionless, eyes on his driver and shakes his head subtly. Maintaining that


    uncaring and controlled manner and concealing that he even gives a shit about my outburst. I no longer


    care about keeping us a secret, I couldn¡¯t give a toss about appearances or who fucking knows about


    us right now. I¡¯m so volcanic I want the whole world to hear me screaming at this tosspot. I¡¯m physically


    wing myself to stop a violent attack on his face.


    ¡°You can go,¡± hemands, and the man scurries off like a scared puppy, pulling the door behind him


    quickly; because he realises, he just started a shit storm in here. He may not know we are a ¡®thing¡¯, but


    he recognises a woman about to turn murderous psycho time bomb when he sees one.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t even turn my way with the click of the door meeting frame.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that. You know how things work, don¡¯t turn this into something it¡¯s not.¡± He dismisses me with


    an even, bored tone and moves to put space between us,pletely ignoring the red mist I have


    hovering over my head. My breathing is so insanely heavy I¡¯m almost hyperventting, and he just


    turns up the dial with that reaction. I can¡¯t think straight. My head stammering and heart bleeding as I


    try to grasp a sense of this, stuck to this spot and unable to physically move because I am stone cold


    stiff with sheer rage.


    He lied to me.


    He betrayed me.


    ¡°What it¡¯s not? Do you mean a fucking date? You had a fucking date, Alexi, while telling me I¡¯m what


    you want!!¡± I sound insane, my voice at dog whistle level and hoarse like I¡¯m screeching even though


    I¡¯m not. He just tenses, hostility oveing him because I have learnt that you never question Alexi


    angrily. It enrages that inner psycho in him and puts him on the aggressive defensive even when he is


    in the wrong. That wholebative trigger of his that brings out his dickhead side.


    I don¡¯t fucking care right now; my heart is breaking all over again.


    ¡°I had an escort. For appearances. Don¡¯t overreact.¡± His tone is tight, and I can tell it¡¯s through gritted


    teeth because he is trying to keep his temper under control and not let this escte. He walks to the


    drinks cab and fusses with sses to pour himself a drink, giving himself a focus that¡¯s not me, and


    I wonder if this is his way of trying to curb an outburst. I, on the other hand, want to poke and jam sticks


    in that twat of a bear and get some goddamn straight answers. My heart¡¯s pounding so hard out of my


    chest it¡¯s actually painful. I feel like you could see it thumping out of my ribs.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    ¡°Did you fuck her? Beforeing home to me.¡± It¡¯s almost a wail, but enough venom that you really


    cannot tell if its rage or devastation. I¡¯m trembling all over, legs weakening as my limbs start to sag. My


    eyes stinging with tears as they build up, but I won¡¯t let myself fall apart over this dickhead of a man. I


    should have known.


    I should have bloody known I could never trust him.


    ¡°No. Don¡¯t be stupid. You¡¯re overreacting; use your head, Cam.¡± Alexi is pissed at me being pissed at


    him. Lord of notmunicating and shutting down on me, expecting me to just ept his exnation


    and be done with it. Not even a fucking sorry. Just his word isw and I¡¯m in the wrong for being


    affected by it.


    How fucking dare he.


    ¡°I don¡¯t believe you. You kept it from me, you showered beforeing near me. Why else would you


    do that if you hadn¡¯t fucked her? So I wouldn¡¯t smell her?¡± I¡¯m losing the battle against my own tears


    and my eyes are filling with warm fluid, blurring my vision. My pulse feels like its throbbing through


    every inch of my skin. There¡¯re horrible skin crawling tingles covering me from head to foot, like ants


    running all over, only their legs are as sharp as razor des. It¡¯s physical pain, every inch of me.


    ¡°Because I stank of smoke, booze and cheap perfume from Santagato¡¯s strip club. I hate smelling that


    way, so I showered. Big fucking deal.¡± A shrug, a casual toss of a nce at me before he downs his


    drink and sets up another. Adding booze to the problem. Acting distant, hostile and domineering.


    I remember him saying he uses alcohol to self-medicate and I wonder what it¡¯s doing for him now?


    Calming, stopping him blowing his shit at me? Or just helping him lie and evade me so I don¡¯t see the


    truth?


    ¡°You¡¯re a liar. The only way you could stink of cheap perfume is by having physical contact with the


    whore wearing it. To think I actually believed you would not touch another woman ¡­ ha fucking ha! I


    should have known that theck of pushing for sex was a sign you were getting it elsewhere. You don¡¯t


    change. I hope she¡¯s worth it.¡±


    I have reached that level of shouting where I¡¯m sure everyone on this floor can hear me, and the


    angrier I get, the more controlled and calm he seems to get. Alexi is turning inwards. All that anger and


    hostility is being clung onto and pushed down to appear indifferent to me and freezing me out.


    ssic fucking Alexi.


    Leopard never changes its spots. Sadly, for me, it¡¯s all the proof I need that he will always be an


    arsehole incapable of being what I need.


    ¡°It¡¯s a strip club!! Of course, women pushed themselves up against me, it¡¯s what he pays them to do.


    Doesn¡¯t mean I did anything about it.¡± His tone is frosty, to say the least. Eyes boring into me across


    the room like knives with a backwards scowl and yet I cannot read him at all anymore. All his tells are


    gone, his manner cold and his eyes so stormy grey now I lose my courage and look away. That tremor


    of fear in me when connecting to an older version of him and all my faith, hopes and dreams shatter to


    the floor.


    The energy in the room bubbling between us as two hotheads take different approaches to be raging


    mad at each other. I¡¯m not him, I cannot cool my jets when faced with a pain that could kill me. I want to


    rip his stupid fat head off.


    ¡°Sure ¡­ right ¡­ the man who couldn¡¯t help himself from having a new whore every night he was here,


    but if it was me and I let some man paw at me, you would rip his throat out. It¡¯s me, so I¡¯m overreacting.


    I¡¯m in the wrong for you being a cheating fucktard who can¡¯t keep his hands to himself!¡± It¡¯s a mess of


    torn words from a raw, strained throat, mixed with a waterfall of unshed tears as I try to hold them in.


    I never knew something could hurt like this.


    ¡°I have self-control, I¡¯m not a dog who has to bone everything that tries to give me an erection. I also


    haven¡¯t cheated on you. I told you I wouldn¡¯t be with another woman and I meant it.¡± Simmering scowl,


    he is losing his cool even though he is trying. The voice raspier as he matches my moreboured


    breathing.


    ¡°I don¡¯t believe you. It¡¯s what you do. You cannot help yourself from being aplete prick. Is this why


    you don¡¯t push me for sex ¡­ because you are getting it on tap anyway? ANSWER ME!!¡±


    I erupt. True psychotic scream at him, a release of so much pressure and the tears burst forth.


    ¡°Jesus Christ.¡± Alexi res at me furiously, finally snapping that mask in half at my sudden savage


    explosion.


    ¡°No, London. I am not pushing you for sex because you don¡¯t want me to! I am trying to establish trust


    and it¡¯s obvious that¡¯s not working if this is anything to go by.¡±


    ¡°Why should I trust you? All you have ever done is use sex and women to hurt me and now this ¡­ you


    left me here after treating me like shit to go spend a night and do God knows what with some pper


    you probably took from downstairs. You don¡¯t care about me, you never did.¡±


    That little sh of something in his eye hits me like a thunderbolt, I catch it even though It¡¯s so fleeting I


    almost miss it through blurry vision, and I realise I¡¯m right. He did take one of the whores from this very


    club, right under my fucking nose. That little tiny hesitation and the way he turns his back on me to hide


    it was a tell. I hit the nail on the head in grand fashion.


    ¡°Oh, my God!! You are a wanker!!¡± I scream it at him again and he spins to face me like the scary crazy


    devil he can be. That aggressive asshole from Miami who yelled in my face and called me a whore.


    ¡°You know what ¡­ you¡¯re right. She was from the club, not that it matters because NOTHING


    FUCKING HAPPENED!! Fuck THIS ¡­ fuck US ¡­ fuck IT! Go tantrum elsewhere as I really cannot


    handle this bullshit with you. I am not lying to you and I have done nothing wrong. Last thing I need is a


    jealous psycho act because I dared to take some other female out to dinner to cover what we have


    going on. If you can¡¯t see that then get out of my fucking face. I can do no right with you.¡±


    ¡°You are a fucking cunt of epic proportions, you know that? Well, you can go piss off and screw


    whatever tramp you want. I¡¯m not stupid enough to cling on like some sad Hoe-Anne for the scraps you


    throw my way. I won¡¯t let you use other women against me ever again, or mess with my head, twisting


    everything so I¡¯m the one in the wrong. Narcissistic prick!¡± I break into a tirade of crazy ranting, yelling


    at him, tears breaking loose all over my face and down my neck with the sheer volume, and hating


    myself for lowering myself to use the C word. Alexi stiffens, grits his teeth and clenches his jaw so it


    squares off devilishly, and goes back to pouring his amber liquid and then drinks it in a jerky, angry


    motion, as though to nk me out. He doesn¡¯t even look my way. Just shakes his head and refuses to


    engage anymore.


    ¡°Wanker.¡±


    Completely nks me, stares at the wall and blocks me out.


    It¡¯s all I need to flip that switch. I storm past him, pushing him bodily from behind as hard as I can and


    with all my might. I want to physically hurt him. Both palms on his shoulder des so he falls forward


    into the cab with a slight thud and the ss bottles and such clink while something falls over and


    pours everywhere. He uses his free hand to brace himself against the wall to stop himself tumbling


    over. It¡¯s a shock to him as he didn¡¯t see iting but I have not one single regret. I only wish I was


    stronger and could have pushed him through the bloody wall.


    I don¡¯t stop for his reaction to my assault, because I don¡¯t care if he chases me down and fucking


    spanks me ck and blue. I yank open the office door and literally storm towards the lift, in a cloud of


    ck hatred and hell hath no fury scowl on my tear-stained face.


    We are done. It¡¯s over. I hate him.


    ¡°Cami?¡± Mico¡¯s voice follows me.


    ¡°Don¡¯t! Leave me alone. Go tell him if he has any sense, he will do the fucking same.¡± I snap and stab


    the button beside the closed door and will it to appear, not wanting to turn and look his way. I can feel


    eyes on me, and I know the difference between Alexi and Mico by sensation alone. Alexi is in the office


    ring at me from his position, letting me storm off to blow out no doubt.


    Mico is keeping his distance while my back is to him and thankfully the door opens immediately. Mico


    follows quickly and stops it shutting as I stand inside, shaking with rage and tears pouring down my


    cheeks once more. Makeup tinted sshesnding on my dress and I just stare at them.


    ¡°What¡¯s happened?¡± He lookspletely rmed, eyes wide and furrowed concern etched on his


    face. For a moment guilt gnaws at me for yelling at him. Mico hasn¡¯t done anything wrong.


    ¡°Ask that wanker or maybe his fucking date.¡± I p Mico¡¯s hand away, despite my moment of regret, as


    he stops the door from closing, again igniting my temper. He instantly goes from a look of concern to a


    look of ¡®ahh¡¯ in about two seconds t. Registering why I might suddenly flip my shit after the cosiness


    of a few minutes ago.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that. He¡¯s crazy about you ¡­ you¡¯re taking this the ¡­¡± He doesn¡¯t get to finish as the


    doors close on him, cutting him off thankfully, and I¡¯m whisked downstairs by the magic of modern


    technology. Curling myself up in my arms and trying to breathe through snotty sobs while stopping


    myself having simultaneous traumatic aneurisms and a major heart attack.


    I literally cannot breathe.

 Chapter 160

    Chapter 160


    Tears blind me as the elevator hits the ground floor and I take a moment topose myself fully. Using


    the backs of my hands to stem the tears and blot my face without smearing it more. Trying to use the


    reflection of the chrome doors to clean myself up and wipe my liner and mascara from under my eyes


    and hide them mess on the ck part of my dress. I have always been good at a quick recovery and


    manage to bring myself to calm and presentable in mere minutes of deep breaths and gulps. Shaking


    myself, pushing the pain into a deep dark hole that is turning my body icy and my heart numb. Hysteria


    drying up as logic boots me in the arse.


    You should have seen thising, Cami. You should have never believed in him.


    I make my way through the hall, head down to avoid security taking a good look and d Jackson isn¡¯t


    milling around here. He has a day off. I slide into the main part of the club which is crowded with staff


    doing the daily prep for tonight, and I¡¯m aware of the looks and questioning stares I¡¯m getting.


    I cannot hide that I¡¯m upset, because frankly, my makeup must be blotchy as hell in this light. I¡¯m


    always very precise with it, so looking streaky is a major tell. I head for the bar to grab some tissues


    and avoid looking directly at any of them as I do so. I don¡¯t want to go back up and fix my face, I¡¯m


    hoping I can just pass this off as nothing.


    ¡°Ouch ¡­ watch it.¡± Hoe-Anne snaps at me bitchily, that constipated face of hers ring my way as I


    collide with her, not paying attention to her walking towards me, and then snarl at the smug, dog¡¯s


    dinner vomited up twice look on her face as I pull back. Ugly souls really do make ugly faces.


    The reminder that she was one of his whores hits me ten times more than it ever has, and I look


    around me suspiciously, suddenly realising that any of the women in this room could have been with


    himst night. They are all devious backstabbing opportunists who use sex to lure men. It¡¯s why we


    hired them. She could be hereughing at me from afar.


    I wrack my brain to think of who was missing as I scan faces and dismiss the rank letch in front of me


    with a shove out of my way. I have no interest in her and blur out her protest and insult as she trots off


    away from me. That anger I felt upstairs rips through me a hundred-fold, with an intensity that turns my


    blood to moltenva. Faces running through my brain of the staff I thought had more sense than to


    cross me.


    I know it wasn¡¯t Hoe-Anne as I saw her many times through the night, so it had to be someone on the


    rota who wasn¡¯t needed. I re passed the skanky po-faced boot walking around ring my way and


    look at the girls wandering around with hoovers and dustpans. My head clouding with that red mist


    once more.


    A couple of the toms are here to get their rooms how they like them, and as I watch, I¡¯m ovee with


    furious jealousy all over again. That kick to my gut once again. The tearspletely shrivel into a dark


    depth of ashy hell and evaporate as that inner demon I possess moves in with a deathly chill, she is a


    queen at possessing.


    The ¡®me¡¯ who has been sleeping for far too long. That wicked, cold bitch who will let no one fuck with


    her. She raises her calcting head and views the room with the eye of a nuclear vessel who has her


    radar pinging on all targets. Scowling hatefully at the girls I thought I could rely on.


    ¡°Cam ¡­ a word.¡± Alexi¡¯s voice cuts into my thoughts, disrupting them with a sharp yank of my brain


    back to the present and I throw my head over my shoulder to catch sight of him wandering in.


    He looks less angry, but as I¡¯m on an Armageddon ten strike mode, I just sneer and turn away from


    him, walking another few steps to widen the gap and stand in the middle of my club. Making it clear he


    gets zero chance at talking to me and I want him to leave me alone. I¡¯m figuring out which whore gets


    her ass handed to her and the two of them can go fuck off together.


    People rush around manically to look busier now he has appeared and it¡¯s obvious to everyone some


    sort of ¡®Camlexi¡¯ battle is brewing. Last time they felt this much fury in the room he chased me down the


    hall wearing my breakfast. The thought of that cross just fuels my fire and every shitty mean thing he


    ever did to me in the past is all the ammo I need.


    I can feel him making his way towards me, his presence affecting me as it does and do a quick nce


    of the room for an avenue of escape, so he doesn¡¯t get a chance. There isn¡¯t one. He has men on the


    doors, all the exits and the way back upstairs are behind him and I have a room full of staff. The only


    way to make Alexi fuck off is to draw attention to us in a major way. He won¡¯t make a scene if all eyes


    are on me.


    ¡°Can I have your attention everyone?¡± I call out loudly over the humdrum of busy noise, stupidly


    nervous andpletely impulsive in a bid to make him stop walking at me. Out of the corner of my


    eye, I catch Alexi halting mid-step as he freezes at the unexpected nature of my reaction. Mico appears


    behind him and stops in his tracks too, as the attention of everyone in the room turns to me and the


    noise drops to a freakish silence in a blink. You could hear a pin drop and it¡¯s eerie as hell. Suddenly


    the centre of focus and everyone looks to me and then the two awkward men in the bar¡¯s passage


    looking like they just got hit with headlights. Alexi for once looks ufortable and tries to rx his


    posture to appear unaffected. Mico looks concerned, face dropping and brows joining. He knows


    something is brewing.


    I take onest nce toward Hoe-Anne, fury in my veins fuelling what I¡¯m doing and do a sweep of all


    the female faces in the room surrounding me onest time, none the wiser to which slut is getting


    pped. One of these tarts was with himst night and I¡¯m done being fucked around by this Carrero.


    No more. He doesn¡¯t get to use women and sex to hurt me ever again.


    I look right at him for a long cold moment, to regain that hurt from upstairs, pulling myself together and


    mustering all my hatred in one scathing re before turning back to my employees with an evil smirk


    as my n formtes in my brain.


    Fake bravado in my posture and pushing as much strength into my voice as I can. I repeat to myself.


    You are an ice queen. You have more skill than this.


    ¡°Thanks, dahlings. I just wanted everyone to take a moment and give me your undivided attention. I


    promise it will only take a second and then you can all toddle off back to your little jobs.¡± I sound


    brighter than I feel and that ability to act my way out of everything moves in and expertly seeps into my


    persona. She¡¯s still in there. Months of suffering and rebuilding myself because of this man and one


    little betrayal brings her back in all her glory.


    Cami has suffered the death of her heart all over again. I feel nothing in the space it was beating


    anymore but ice queen has found her crown.


    There¡¯s a shuffle of murmurs as they exchange questioning nces, and some look at Alexi to see if


    he is part of this unexpected announcement. I often rally my staff in small groups to assign them jobs,


    but I¡¯ve never addressed the whole room this way, and I can see many worried looks developing over


    many faces.


    They¡¯re worried, as they should be.


    I¡¯m in no mood for screwing around.


    There is a scurry of noise as two of the escorts walk in the front doorte for their shift and I wait a


    moment until they realise, I¡¯m standing here. Eyes on them coolly and I tap my nail on my watch and


    point for them to go stand by the others.


    ¡°If you could join us for a minute, that would be lovely. This concerns all of you.¡±


    Confused little nces before they scurry apologetically to the rest of the group and turn to face me,


    whispering questions and getting shrugs in response. They haven¡¯t missed it yet. No one has a clue


    about what I¡¯m doing, not even Alexi.


    I can feel his eyes eating into me and I feel nothing but numb and cold emptiness at that.


    My confidence is dying but that fire in me is keeping me going, aware all eyes are on me and even the


    male security is milling in the background listening. I feel sick and my heart is hammering in my chest,


    but I¡¯m not backing down now. The moment I do he will swoop in on me and I want this to be


    memorable.


    I wait for a second as I steady my hands and clear my throat. Breathe in slowly to centre myself and lift


    that defiant chin a little higher. Flicking my bright red hair back sassily. Nerves getting the better of me


    for a second, but I remind myself of why I¡¯m doing this.


    He wants to treat me like a side chick ¡­ he wants to fuck me around ¡­ he can suffer the


    consequences. I won¡¯t be kept a secret anymore; one final ¡®here I am¡¯ before he can go fuck himself. In


    the room he humiliated me in, in front of Hoe-Anne many months ago, seems poetic somehow. I won¡¯t


    be a dirty secret he hides in the shadows and treats like shit anymore. Onest centre stage bow and


    then I¡¯m gone. Leave him in my dust, and everyone else too, with a memorable departure.


    ¡°So ¡­ as your boss and part owner of the club, I feel it is very important I should only employ staff I


    feel I can rely on. I figured the best way to do that would be to ask you all a simple question. Sort of


    reconfirm loyalty, thin out the herd and kill off the sickly ones, so to speak.¡± I start my little speech,


    smoothing out my dress to regain myposure and hide any doubts. Still, the silence prevails. I take


    my time and just nk him out of my peripheral view. I can see Mico¡¯s arm on his from behind and can


    tell he is being told not to react or intervene.


    Mico has no idea.


    ¡°A lot has changed since I first came here to get this ce up and running, a lot of changes to my


    personal situation and even my standing in this endeavour. I feel like we havee a very long way


    and I know many of you are new staff and may not be aware of just how important my role is here. I


    now own fifty percent of the building and business you are standing in and have control of all that


    happens on this floor. I have thest word, as Alexi agreed.¡±


    There¡¯s a little gentle gasp and wave of whispers as those who didn¡¯t know, get up to speed. A lot of


    shifty looks from Hoe-Anne as it dawns on her that I¡¯m more than just an appointed hostess who tries


    to make her life hell; I own that bitch¡¯s arse and have been paying her wage for weeks. It feels great to


    see that little titbit spread across her face in the most soul-crushing expression of ¡®oh shit¡¯, followed by


    ¡®this sucks arse.¡¯


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    The noise simmers down and I wait for that intense silence once more before I continue, staring


    straight ahead at the main huddle of staff and try to keep my shit together. I can feel his prating


    gaze from afar. The waves of his energy and aggressive aura affecting me even over here.


    Cheating fucker.


    ¡°One of the changes happens to be very personal and affects the people I can have in my employment


    from here on in. I do hope you will all understand as it¡¯s down to that, that I need to take a moment to


    ask you all to do something.¡±


    I swallow as I try to find the willpower to keep going. This is for Alexi; a message, a brave move to


    show him I won¡¯t take this bullshit lying down. He wants a queen I will show him a fucking queen! Then


    when he explodes and does what he does in the name of punishment, I will have myplete and


    absolute reason for walking away and never looking back.


    ¡°I would love for you to bepletely honest with me, it¡¯s easy to find out if you lie ¡­ I mean we do


    have someone to corroborate the truth over there.¡± I nod at Alexi smugly, gesturing his way and draw


    all eyes to his presence to leave them in no doubt. Summoning the courage to look at him. I catch the


    serious confusion and questioning that sweeps over his face as he attempts to pull apart my motives


    and intentions. He has no clue what I¡¯m doing and standing ready to march over to me, poised and


    bristling with rage. I know that I better get on with it. He gets within a foot of me and he will drag me


    kicking and screaming to God knows where. This is going to be ugly and I have already set my sight on


    the front door as a way to get out.


    I take a deep breath and just let it out.


    ¡°Could you raise your hand please if you have ever dated, kissed, shared oral sex or fucked Alexi


    Carrero. Promptly if you would.¡± It¡¯s out in a very rushed, clipped, breathless yet cheerful and polite


    tone, thatpletely goes against how I¡¯m feeling inside.


    I just died a little. The words take what¡¯s left of my crumbling soul and blow them away on the wind. It


    hurts more than I thought it would and I brace myself for the truth I¡¯m about to see.


    The shocked silence, the face on my ex-man as he goes from bewildered to ¡®what the fuck are you


    doing?¡¯ then ragepletely consumes his whole manner. He can¡¯t hide his reaction.


    Mico¡¯s hands appear on both his shoulders from behind and I guess he is taming the beast who wants


    toe over and snap my neck. Stopping the lurch forward I catch in that powerful body. Restraining


    him and for a moment I¡¯m thankful Mico is as big and strong as his crazy cousin.


    I act like I can¡¯t see him and focus back on the room. Inwardly shaking, nerves dying because I know I


    have crossed a line you cannote back from. All that old fear and uncertainty about his character


    back in full swing. The deep dread of knowing I¡¯m unleashing his beast.


    My staff stand in stupefied silence for a second until one brainless bimbo lifts her hand hesitantly, all


    while staring at Alexi. It draws me back and gives me something else to concentrate on. It¡¯s almost like


    she is afraid not to and one by one a few others do the same. They know he is watching, and he knows


    which little bitches he has had his hands on. Which vaginas his dick has graced. Which mouths have


    pleasured his dick.


    They lie¡ªthey fucking die.


    I can¡¯t hold the swirl of nausea or the light-headed sway that passes over me, but I hold my ground and


    raise my brows with a tight smile. I won¡¯t show him I care.


    I won¡¯t care. Not anymore.


    There aren¡¯t many, a lot less than I expected to be honest, and I throw a stern ¡®you better not be lying¡¯


    around the room and scratch out one more near the front. Even so, it¡¯s a dire and low number for what I


    expected, and it won¡¯t be hard to rece these women soon. The faces are pale, worried, regretting


    their own weakness and everyone is ncing nervously from me to him with a shocked ¡®are they a


    thing?¡¯ look.


    I feel nothing but that twinge of acheing back tenfold as I look at the array of women before me. All


    mousy types with severe ¡®yes sir¡¯plexes and one or two are professional submissives. Not one of


    them anything like me in looks or demeanour. He likes the good little obedient ones who don¡¯t stand out


    too much for being stunning either. I guess they are the type he can keep quiet when screwing them


    behind my back.


    Everyone in this room now knows what he and I are, or they suspect anyway. How could they not after


    this?


    Screw him and his secrets. His enemies already know I¡¯m a target so outing this isn¡¯t going to change a


    damned thing. I¡¯m already in danger.


    Alexi looks livid, his face deadpan but there¡¯s a hint of a sneer and a dark cloud of ¡®I¡¯m going to fucking


    kill her¡¯ oozing out of him and I get an ounce of satisfaction that I got to him. He might self-implode


    when I get on with it. Worth it to get under his skin before hepletely ruins me.


    ¡°Thanks ¡­ oh, you too, dahling. We all know you are a dirty stop out that fucked him over there.¡± I


    stare right at Hoe-Anne who is trying to hide behind a girl on my left and she almost trips over her own


    feet as I single her out. All heads turn to her and her wide-eyed look to Alexi gets her no back up at all.


    He just turns towards me and shakes his head¡ªdeathly slow, precise, eyes locked on his target. It¡¯s all


    in the eyes. He is beyond furious, blood boiling manic type of mad, and his pupils are the size of


    pinholes. He looks exactly like the demonic schizoid who used to terrify me. That fear stirring down low


    once more, and I know we can¡¯t ever fix this.


    I don¡¯t want to. I¡¯m worth more than being betrayed. He made me see that for a short time.


    I deserve more than this. I am worthy of being loved properly.


    That signal of ¡®I¡¯m verging on volcanic right now and I may actually strangle you in front of these


    people¡¯ just pulls a sarcastic smile out of me. Good at pretending, hiding the fact I¡¯m quaking in my


    shoes.


    Hoe-Anne finally raises a feeble hand that¡¯s so pathetic I eye roll. It¡¯s slow, hesitant and totally


    unnecessary as I already know what a loose vagina¡¯d hoe she is. She let him fuck her in front of the


    entire club. Says it all really.


    ¡°Good, are we all done? Anymore? Don¡¯t be shy. I will fire you for lying so it¡¯s better to just get it off


    your chest. All rtionships need trust, don¡¯t they, dahling?¡± I turn and throw a very pointed look at my


    so-called ex-man, drilling that point into his face with a blue-eyed gaze that could cut ss. His face


    twitches as he suppresses the explosive temper growing inside of him and loses what control he has of


    his cool demeanour for a second. Mico once again keeping a tight rein on him. I¡¯m humiliating him in


    front of all his bitches, just like he did to me. I¡¯m the one in control right now ¡­ in my room, in my club,


    and my staff. See how he likes it.


    There¡¯s a gasp, another rumble of hushed voices and the heaving inhale of a couple more. One more


    girl lifts a coy hand.


    ¡°Which one of you was out with himst night?¡± I add as an afterthought and there¡¯s a puzzled look


    around from many heads and worried chatter as they whisper usations. One girl finally moves


    forward from the back, a nobody from the toms who specialises in role y. She looks me up and down


    and then to Alexi, as though wondering what the hell I¡¯m on and I smile brightly. Completely unfazed.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t raise your hand!¡± I point out coldly but with an evil smile aimed at her ample bust, disgusted


    with herck of remorse. She looks annoyed.


    Either way, I¡¯m about to show him he can¡¯t lie anymore: she is right here to out his bullshit. Truth always


    has a way ofing out.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think I needed to ¡­ it was business, not a real date. Nothing happened.¡± She tries in her


    defence and I admit it startles me at first, but I¡¯m beyond caring and for all I know, he coached her on


    how to respond should I ever find out. I¡¯m done with this shit. Irritated by her, him, all of them. Unwilling


    to believe this and disappointed that she would cover for him.


    ¡°You¡¯re all fired. Get your shit and get out of my club. You have twenty minutes if you expect to get paid


    for today.¡± I wave my hand airily towards them all, fuelled by the insta-rage of her answer. Anger and


    something else swirling up into my stomach and down my limbs. A little tremble of doubt, but I push it


    away and stomp it to death. Refusing to be swayed. I lift my hand and point one finger at her as thest


    show of my power. Dismissing what she said as unimportant.


    ¡°You too, sweet cheeks ¡­ bu-bye.¡± I wave at her and then turn on my heel, so I¡¯m facing Alexi, and


    nk all of them now I have done what I intended. Acting smug and cross my arms across my chest in


    a manner he knows only too well. Cami is on the warpath and willing to take that crap, head on. I


    may be shitting myself inside with what I know ising but I will not back down and show him fear.


    I¡¯m done being his doorstep.


    ¡°I swear ¡­¡± Alexi¡¯s snarly, low husky voice echoes towards me and Mico hastily turns him around and


    half hauls him out of the room quickly. Enveloped into a flurry of men at Mico¡¯smand and he exits


    from sight swiftly.


    I can sense the rage and aggression like a huge ck hole sucking the air out of his space as he


    leaves and I shiver, knowing what I¡¯ve started. This will get the punishment I goaded him for so long


    ago. If anything brings about the worst of him it¡¯s this right here, and I may finally get my answer on


    whether someone like him can ever really change. Not that it matters anymore. The second he


    cheated; we were done.


    I turn my attention back to the room and the stony figures who have made no movement.


    ¡°Chop, chop. Get to it or every fucking one of you will be joining them.¡± I smile when there is an


    immediate jump to attention and people scurry around to get back to what they were doing before.


    Every single body flees in various directions, minus the ones who just got their marching orders. They


    look to one another bewildered before Miss Escort heads to the back room where they keep lockers,


    resigned that she is done here, and all of them follow. I¡¯m thrilled to see Rebel is not one of them. She


    looks amused, smirking as she watches a couple of the less friendly girls stomp off like huffing queens


    and shakes her head after them.


    ¡°That¡¯s what they get for fucking with the boss¡¯s boyfriend. I hope she cuts his balls off too.¡± I hear her


    murmur across the room to the girl next to her, before patting her on the arse and shooing her into


    action. I catch her eye as she makes a move and there¡¯s a pause. She nods at seeing me staring, a


    small confident smile almost like a show of respect before she turns and walks off, leaving me feeling


    strangely thankful to her.


    I have hopes for that girl, and now I know she hasn¡¯t been near Alexi, I can be sure I found myself a


    new hostess when I leave this ce far behind me. I may be walking away but I still own half and I¡¯m


    taking the money that¡¯s mine. I don¡¯t need to be here to pick up a paycheck from earnings. I deserve it


    for what he has put me through. He owes me.


    ¡°You can¡¯t do this to me.¡± Hoe-Anne sidles up behind me, furious and spitting teeth, that ugly puss of


    hers chattering away like a demented animal. Finally finding her backbone to have it out with me.


    I sigh and look her over with a superior snort.


    ¡°I¡¯ve already done it. Get your crap together and vacate my premises before I have my men throw you


    out on your skanky cheap arse. It¡¯ll give me so much joy seeing you manhandled and literally tossed


    outside.¡± I turn to ignore her as I walk to the bar, tapping the surface and pointing at the vodka,


    basically telling her to fuck off. She has the sense not to follow and a quick nce shows a tearful


    tramp standing statue still instead.


    Good riddance to bad smells.


    The tender rushes to fix me a drink. Eyes on the task and not on me.


    My nerves are shot, my mind¡¯s on exactly how Alexi will react to this, and my palms are sweaty.


    Needless to say, this will be an eventful afternoon when I finally face him. He¡¯s probably working


    himself into all sorts of heinous thoughts and vile moods and probably dusting off his straps and chains


    as we speak.


    ¡°Who the fuck do you think you are? I busted my ass for this club while you were gone, done


    everything asked of me since and you treat me like this!¡± The little witch has finally found her venom,


    came running back to try again and I literally sink in my seat. Cannot be bothered anymore. I turn and


    look her up and down as though she is something vile stuck to my shoe. I note she has a cheap


    copycat of my favourite ck shift dress on and is sporting a very suspect shade of red lippy.


    Paleparison.


    ¡°I think I am your ex-boss and that you are boring me. Go away little gnat before I swat you with


    something heavy. Like Matt here¡¯s fist, right in your throat.¡± I graciously ept my vodka straight and


    throw in some ice from the dispenser on the bar, doing my best to ignore the wench twitching about like


    a weirdo beside me. Her version of anger is more like an aggravated panda. Not very intimidating at all.


    ¡°Just say the word, Miss Walters.¡± Matt winks back at me, all blonde-haired and blue-eyed charm. I just


    giggle under my breath and sip my booze. No one ever really liked her here, and I¡¯ve been a pretty


    straightforward employer where Matt is concerned. Never gave him reason to hate me.


    ¡°Alexi won¡¯t let you fire me just like that. You¡¯ll see. I¡¯m a part of this club. He cares about me.¡± She


    spits her dummy rather pathetically and I sigh again, realising this isn¡¯t deterring her and turn to her


    slowly and deliberately. Practised mannerisms kicking in and slide one leg over the other in a sexy


    glide.


    ¡°You thought you had your ws in him, didn¡¯t you? Well, he brought me back to do the job you were


    failing at because, frankly, he said you were shit. I don¡¯t think he just meant at running his club either.¡± I


    raise my brow and open my eyes widely in a sarcastic and catty way as if to say, ¡®oh dear, how


    embarrassing¡¯ and then look down at her crotch and raise my brow even higher. That snide tone I excel


    at.


    ¡°Fuck you. You think I don¡¯t know you two have been shacked up since you returned? I¡¯m not stupid.


    It¡¯s obvious, and you deserve each other. Two poisonous assholes with vile personalities that


    completely deserve the unhappiness they will bring.¡± A scathing attempt to hurt my feelings and I just


    giggle at her. A ridiculous little imp with awful fashion sense and no real idea of how to be ssy.


    ¡°I¡¯ll drink to that.¡± I smile brightly and raise my ss obnoxiously.


    ¡°Well, he did mention marriagest night so that may just happen. Go away Hoe-Anne, your presence


    is no longer required. I have important things to do.¡±


    ¡°Screw you. I will sue you for unfair dismissal.¡± She spits at me childishly, losing what¡¯s left of her cool,


    and I burst out into a proper, deep heartyugh at that. Right from the soles of my feet. Insides


    loosening with the actual amusement at her empty threats. It releases some of my tension, and I have


    topose myself to respond.


    ¡°Go right ahead. Sue Alexi Carrero for firing you from his underground, illegal sex club after you got


    found out, for publicly fucking him in front of New York¡¯s most powerful men, including the mayor. See


    how far you get. I¡¯m guessing your story would end in the bottom of the river, wearing concrete boots


    and filling the fish¡¯s bellies for a few days. You should really learn how to pick your enemies, love.¡± It¡¯s


    too funny to be true and we both know she wouldn¡¯t find a singlewyer in this city who would touch a


    case against any Carrero in this side of the family business. She would disappear faster than you could


    blink for trying to stir up that sort of a shit storm. I sincerely hope she does, just to know her lifespan


    was short.


    ¡°Good luck with your life tied to him. He isn¡¯t capable of decency or real affection for any woman. He


    will discard you all over again, like the trash that you are.¡± It¡¯s herst attempt at wounding me, she¡¯s so


    obvious it¡¯s kind of sad and I just grin all the more.


    ¡°Well, not that it matters as he legally gave me the means to live a financially stable and wealthy life


    without him. So, it¡¯s a win, win really. Toddle off, sweet cheeks, you don¡¯t work here anymore and


    you¡¯re boring me. I have seen more sass and betterebacks in kindergarten children.¡± I¡¯m done with


    this conversation and done with her. It¡¯s petty, and she needs to get the hell out of my face before I ram


    my ss down her throat.


    I don¡¯t give her the opportunity to continue, I just get up, leave my drink, and walk away nodding at


    security as I pass. It gives them the signal loud and clear, to escort her out if she tries to follow me.


    Joanne was a leech in this ce, always hanging in corners and I am so not regretting finally cutting


    her loose. I should have done it an age ago and saved myself so much misery in seeing her in this


    building day after day.


    I wish we had done this forever ago and maybe I would have had some closure from her.


    I get to the hall and look around warily. No sign of Alexi and Mico out here and I know he has either


    dragged him up to the office or the apartment and maybe I should stay down here. Now that I have


    vented me anger in the most dramatic way, I¡¯m no longer as fierce and bold as five minutes ago.


    Alexi will be raging with me, even if I have every right to tell him to go fuck himself. Last thing I want


    right this second is to see him flip out, possibly drag me to the nearest room and tie me up to his


    crucifix again.


    I wanted to know if he still would. Guess I¡¯ll find out if boundaries and promises really do hold any


    weight with him nowadays.


    Except, now, I¡¯m utterly terrified of knowing what ising.


    An act of war.

 Chapter 161

    Chapter 161


    I stand for the longest time in the kitchen area of the lower floor, knowing I¡¯m dying the inevitable.


    Alexi upstairs barging around like a crazed panther and looking to take it out on the person who just


    publicly disobeyed and humiliated him. I can almost visualise him in all his vicious glory. Caged, wild


    and ferocious while his family try to contain the eruption.


    We were to be a secret ¡­ I have made that impossible now.


    I feel like I can¡¯t breathe, lungs constricted and wrapped in chains. My body is heavy, running cold with


    the profound eptance that this will only end badly for me, and I can¡¯t stop shivering. I¡¯m so jittery.


    Avoiding him is dying what I deserve but facing him is a fate worse than death.


    I need air; I need space; I need solitude. My head is spinning a million miles an hour and the pain from


    his ¡®date¡¯ revtion is numbing out as logic and sense filter through to give me a massive shake.


    Regret reces anger for what I just did; apprehension reces the satisfaction of purging my club of


    his past conquests. My brain has stopped her impulsive hate attack on the man who wronged me and


    is now in the ¡®maybe I overreacted¡¯ frame of thinking.


    I¡¯m an idiot sometimes. Too fiery and kick out without thinking at all. Actions from reactions and little to


    no thought about what truth is staring me in the face.


    I did overreact ¡­ her response solidified what he said upstairs. ¡®It wasn¡¯t a date, it was business¡¯ in


    other words, paid to apany him and act like an adoring mistress. He doesn¡¯t pay forpany or


    sex; he doesn¡¯t need to. So, she understood she was ying a role and it was going nowhere. He


    separated it by making it clear it was a business arrangement and nothing else. Took any hopes or


    misunderstandings out of it so she wouldn¡¯t get the wrong idea. Something he would never do for a


    screw.


    Her attitude said it all. His attitude said it all. He was mad because I questioned his truths. He isn¡¯t the


    type to lie to me about cheating. He would just say it how it was. That¡¯s who he is. He was angry


    because I used him when he knew he was being honest.


    And of course, he wouldn¡¯t see it as a detail he had to tell me about. She served a simr purpose to


    the extra men he takes with him, even if they¡¯re not needed. It¡¯s all about appearances and letting his


    enemies see only what he wants them to see or know what he intends, and yesterday was all about


    keeping me secret and safe. She was just a number to his party and not anything of importance.


    He didn¡¯t lie.


    He put on a show to hide the fact there is a woman he cares for.


    Me.


    And now because of me being aplete idiot, he will have to work ten times as hard to protect me as


    big-mouthed pissed whores run amok and tell the world how Alexi Carrero¡¯s hostess threw a jealous fit


    and sacked his past conquests. It¡¯s just painting a huge red arrow over my goddamn head. Women


    who already move in dangerous circles and their gossip could be overheard by the wrong people.


    Rumours spread like wildfire when it¡¯s something like this.


    Absolutely fucking great, Cami. Gold star for brightest brain in the building!


    I feel sick with the realisation that I acted like aplete mental case consumed with jealousy and pain


    because I¡¯m insecure and untrusting and carry a million issues rting to that man. I didn¡¯t stop to let it


    filter or think it through and now ¡­ well, we are at war and he is probably storming around, trapped by


    Mico, and venting like crazy about all the heinous things he wants to do to me. Which of course, Alexi


    will try so hard to control.


    I don¡¯t think there is enough booze in the world to calm that kind of chaos right now. And yet another


    little detail I should have picked up on. He was self-medicating right there in front of me to try and keep


    his cool with me. I was attacking him, and he was trying not to overreact. That¡¯s why he was propped at


    the bar and downing shots one after the other like a thirsty alky. Self-calming that quick to aggression


    personality of his because he didn¡¯t want to fight with me or make things worse.


    Stupid girl.


    I need to leave him to calm down and let his own sense of logice into y.


    Which it will, eventually.


    Maybe.


    Alexi left me after Miami for a week, for this reason. To evaluate, think it through and calm himself back


    to human. He will take time to do the same here, although hopefully not a week. To recognise that it


    was a knee-jerk response from an over-emotional woman who has been burned by him many times.


    I¡¯m praying that smart head will push the bad temper aside if I give him a little breathing space and I


    never have to find out if punishing me is still a possibility. Alexi calms down eventually, I¡¯ve seen it. He


    can be reasonable when handled the right way.


    God, I know this. I know how to approach him.


    He gave it to me in ck and white, that night at his little bolthole. An aggressive,bative approach


    gets the same in return. He can¡¯t help it. He reacts to fire with fire, even though he loves me. He


    recognises this and even told me that gently is how to deal with him. He was giving me the key to


    avoiding this kind of shit between us. He can¡¯t change all that he is, and he knows this, so he gave me


    a way tobat his worst and ept him. If I had asked him sanely, and listened, we would probably


    still be upstairs making out on his desk.


    In those moments I was putty in his hands and no thoughts of mistrust were invading to stop what he


    was doing. I was all his.


    I head back into the main bar which is now back to being organised and polished with the departure of


    girls done and dusted and try to shake it all away with a head toss. Legs weak, hands trembling and a


    huge lump in my throat which might be my heart trying to vomit itself out of my body. I feel nauseous,


    antsy and I¡¯m twisting the bracelet on my wrist trying to remember that he can be someone else. It¡¯s


    proof of that; proof he can be sweet and caring and not a psycho. Someone considerate and


    thoughtful, and if I let him cool off, we can fix this.


    I won¡¯t argue anymore. I¡¯ll be good. I¡¯ll stop jumping and sticking my foot in my mouth if he just lets this


    slide this time. I¡¯ll be obedient without question ever again.


    I can¡¯t face anything he is capable of doing to me, it truly will be the end. Even if I know I caused it.


    Everyone is working faster and quieter than usual, probably for fear of losing their own positions and no


    one nces my way as I walk through and head to the main entrance impulsively. My natural poise


    with chin up and a confident stroll, like I have no cares. Mask intact while my insides are crumbling to


    ashes. I have to keep swallowing the excessive saliva down from my stomach as it tries to bring up my


    entire gooey lining. I¡¯m just fraught and scared and hurting because, above all, this stupid thing might


    be the end of what never really got started. I know myself well enough. If he does anything to me then


    I¡¯ll run, regardless of me and being deeply in love with him. I won¡¯t stay. My self-preservation won¡¯t


    let me.


    I just need a little air and open space to get my shit together, my bravado back and think about how to


    handle him. I¡¯m sure with some quiet, I can figure something out.


    I don¡¯t even second guess my destination, it¡¯s like a longing, a need for sky and oxygen and calming


    thoughts. Headspace in an area free of restraint and impending doom.


    I push past the two girls leaning there in front of the main door, using a nearby pir as a rest. Dressed


    in red underwear and satin robes over fake boobs and sculpted bodies. I think it¡¯s our pole dancers for


    the show tonight and try my best to ignore their eyes following me as I get to the door behind them. Not


    really taking them in at all.


    I¡¯m desperate for fresh air and push myself outside to stand on the front steps of the building, pulling


    the heavy wooden door shut behind me. Sun assaulting me instantly, even though it¡¯s a crisp frosty day


    with a smell in the air of threatening rain. I blink and shade my face for a second as my eyes adjust and


    inhale the air as deeply as I can. More in a bid to feel less frantic, than to breathe.


    It¡¯s blinding after the darker confines of the bar and I stumble forward before my eyes have really


    settled into the brighter surroundings.


    ¡°You okay, Miss Walters?¡± The familiar voice of the head of securityes through and I nod my head


    in his direction. Trying not to engage in case he asks me to go back inside. Blinking as I see more men


    standing out here, doing God knows what. Normally all security is inside but I guess due to the frenzy


    of cleaning, some of them are out here smoking a cigarette and enjoying the air. Taking advantage of


    daytime freedom before the club opens tonight.


    I never really thought about the fact that most of them work constantly and never seem to go home or


    have a day off. It¡¯s a way of life for some of them and they work longer than twelve-hour shifts. Mico


    never seems to do anything else except shadow Alexi, even into the night, I know he obviously has


    time with his fianc¨¦e and time for a home, it just never seems that way. He is always with him.


    Saying that, however, Jackson is AWOL today, apparently, it¡¯s his wife¡¯s birthday and Alexi gave him


    the day off. It¡¯s weird to imagine Jackson with a normal everyday life and family outside of these walls.


    Or that Alexi deems something like that as a reason to be home. Guess he has always shown heart to


    his family.


    It also means I cannot stand here, but the thought of going back in sends me into an internal meltdown.


    They are imposing on my people free zone and I¡¯m tetchy, itchy with the need for solitude and sun.


    I need headspace. Desperately.


    I move down the steps, away from the men and they go back to conversing about a football match


    once I¡¯m out of the way. Not paying attention to my whereabouts, in fact, one of the girls inside opens


    and closes the door, throwing out a cigarette end and I catch head security nce back with a satisfied


    nod. He thinks it¡¯s me going back inside I guess and hasn¡¯t spotted me sliding away to be shielded by


    the stair wall. He goes back to chatting and I¡¯m forgotten so easily.


    No one reporting me to upstairs for going wandering.


    I wander a little further onto the cracked concrete pavement and walk in small circles for a while,


    hidden from view by the tall half-standing wall that used to be some sort of barrier. It¡¯s high enough to


    act as a shade for me. I pace absentmindedly to try to calm my erratic swishing insides and breathless


    angst until the air prates my clothes and cools me down to a mild shiver. One eye on the group of


    men for no real reason and satisfied they haven¡¯t acknowledged me over here at all.


    It¡¯s not overly freezing today, and my dress is made of wool, so it¡¯s warm enough not to go in for a


    jacket. I keep moving until I¡¯m around fifteen feet from them, gazing out into the street and the traffic


    coming and going at the far end of the longne ahead. The club nestles in a side alley not far from the


    main road, so even though it¡¯s noisy out here, the immediate area in front of me is car-free. It can be


    peaceful if you walk far enough from milling security groups


    I stare up the darkened building and its foreboding presence and shiver at the thought of him in there,


    on the upper floors, pacing crazily. I wonder if he can see me from the tinted-out office level, if that is


    where he is, and jump at a sudden invasion to my thoughts.


    My phone vibrates in my dress pocket, startling me out of myself and I automatically pull it out,


    nching at Alexi¡¯s name and slide it right back in without answering. My heart skips, stomach lurches


    and restarts its rhumba of a crazy beat with that nauseating cold flush running through me once more. I


    nce back at the main door hesitantly, as if expecting it to burst open and him to appear. Not so sure


    anymore that he isn¡¯t watching, and my panic moves up a notch.


    So not ready for a showdown or public humiliation at his hands. His impending presence affecting me


    like hands around my throat squeezing tightly and I gasp to throw it off, scurrying in the opposite


    direction to the club door like a scared rabbit. Instinctively running away; so like me.


    I power walk a little further to use a nearby wall as cover should he appear and hope to God he


    doesn¡¯t. Cowering behind it for a moment to check that he isn¡¯t about to burst out in all his sadistic glory


    ande chasing me down the path.


    I¡¯m not afraid of Alexi in the way I once was, but I¡¯m scared of what he is capable of when he is


    seething mad. And I know that right now, he will be on level one hundred of a nuclear episode and


    probably worse because his cousin is standing in his way.


    I haven¡¯t tested the boundaries like I once did, and I don¡¯t know if my newly found rtionship with him,


    and the changes of my heart, means I¡¯m less capable of withstanding the same treatment as before. Or


    if he could still do it to me. I don¡¯t want to find out. It was hard enough the first time, but after all of this, I


    think it would kill me for him toe at me in the same cold and cruel manner. Doing those things now


    would destroy me in many more ways. Seeing his kindness, his ability to love, would only make it so


    much more of a betrayal this time.


    My phone starts again and this time I pull it out and stare at it, body trembling and knowing the longer I


    ignore him, the worse he will be. I hover over the call button, chewing on my bottom lip, but I just


    cannot ept it. My nerves get the better of me and I stare until it stops, after about twenty rings.


    I breathe a heavy sigh of relief when it finally stops, and I shudder and hang my head in defeat. I will


    have to face him at some point. I just don¡¯t know how right now.


    I need time. He needs a lot of time.


    I jump out of my skin when my phone beeps loudly and almost squeak in fright at the unexpectedness


    of it. Proof of how on edge he has me, and I nce at the text as it pops up on my home screen.


    What¡¯s left of my fight melts into my shoes.


    WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??!!!


    It¡¯s him again and, needless to say, he¡¯s not simmering as I hoped, but obviously working himself into a


    demonic fury that could melt steel. On the warpath and raking the club to find me. Which means I¡¯m not


    going in there for anything, not even a million dors.


    Not when he is like this.


    I¡¯m not that stupid.


    My feet decide for me, turning on my heel and heading away from the club to put some space between


    us, where he won¡¯t think to look. I will call him back but not until I¡¯m out of sight and far enough away


    that he won¡¯t be able toe and drag me indoors without looking for me. Lots of space is a good


    thing. Behind a building, out of his view and reach, until we talk it out¡ªa lot.


    I might talk him down from the ledge before seeing him and give myself a fighting chance at surviving


    this. No one knows more than me how filthy a temper he can have, and how much aggression pulsates


    through that cold body when he is riled like this. I spent enough time with him to know you don¡¯t go


    facing this version of him by choice. You have to caress and smooth down the fire before you attempt


    to get close. We are very alike in that way.


    He is mad at me for multiple things at this moment; I need to treat him like a venomous snake someone


    has trodden on. Very, very, carefully, soothing words, great distance and a lot of nerve.


    I walk another few feet before my phone vibrates again, but as I can still see the club from here, I hold


    off, duck my head and walk a hell of a lot faster. It¡¯s panic walking and I¡¯m very aware my steps match


    the speed of my erratic heartbeat.


    If he can¡¯t immediately see me, then I¡¯ll feel better. Safety in distance and all that.


    Walking, walking, walking¡ªin stupidly high shoes until I get past a few alleyways and find an opening


    leading onto the main road further down. A couple of blocks should do it and then I will answer.


    He isn¡¯t giving up. My phone gaining missed call after missed call and I have had to mute the ringer to


    stop myself jumping every time it goes off. I get another text after another string of calls.


    ¡°I have walked this building twice, where the fuck are you hiding?¡±


    Alexi obviously doesn¡¯t think I would venture outside, given the fact he told me I should never do it and


    another wave of cold fear runs down my spine. Like I suddenly just pped myself in the face with that


    fact and remembered all the reasons I was never ever to go anywhere without security.


    I literally freeze in the middle of the pavement and make an absurd ¡®arghh¡¯ sound out loud.


    In all of this, Ipletely forgot about the fact he said I should never leave the club alone, and I just


    gave him yet anotheryer of disobedience to go volcanic over. Because all the rest was not enough,


    and I clearly have a death wish today.


    Stupid, stupid, stupid.


    This is all me. Rash decisions without thought that always leads to me being in hot water and worse


    shit. Story of my goddamn life.


    I stand very still, dead in my tracks and turn around with a ¡®fuck¡¯ falter of my heartbeat. Eyes wide, as


    blood drains from every inch of me and I realise how far I have actually walked, beingpletely


    oblivious to my surroundings while caught inside my own head. I wasn¡¯t even looking around me like I


    normally would, so preupied and obsessing over Lexi. I have wandered out to the other end of our


    very long street where roads cross and traffic is flying past the end and down by me every few


    seconds.


    I really am trying to push him to the max today, aren¡¯t I?


    Jesus Christ.


    Dawning on me that this is possibly the worst idea and only going to add rage to the pot, I decide


    heading back is a much more sensible option before I answer. Maybe hide in the basement and lock


    the door, add a few crates behind it and maybe anything heavy, like the safe, to barricade me in and


    deny all attempts at leaving the building.


    If I can¡¯t get in the front door unseen, then I can leg it to the side entrance at the gate, dodging the men


    outside if I can. If I¡¯m in the car park and omit the fact I wandered off, then maybe he might not kill me.


    God, he is going to kill me.


    This wasn¡¯t just disobedience; I have put myself in danger and in his eyes that¡¯s unforgivable. He


    spends his life busting his arse to protect me. He will flip and make the club scene seem marginal if he


    finds out I came walking out here.


    Goddammit. I¡¯mpletely idiotic. I¡¯m such a wanker.


    I only take a few steps homeward bound, pulling my head out of my arse to pay attention to the street


    when something catches the corner of my eye. Yanking all my dulled senses back onto high alert and


    homing in on something in my peripheral vision. Knocking me out of Alexi agony and into ¡®pay attention


    to your surroundings¡¯ mode.


    A ck car, long and sleek, moving very slowly at a walking pace, and I don¡¯t know why but it draws all


    my focus as something stirs in my gut. Trepidation and unease and a heightened awareness of how far


    away from the club I have strayed on foot. It¡¯s two minutes in a car, but for me, it¡¯s a six-minute run at


    the very least in stilettos. Oblivious, the whole time, to whether someone was following me, or if I¡¯m just


    overly suspicious because Alexi will be volcanic about this. Maybe it¡¯s a coincidence.


    I lift my chin and walk on, pretending I haven¡¯t clocked it, internally praying it¡¯s nothing but a car looking


    to park. As the car slides past me and pulls in, butting its nose up on the pavement in front of me, my


    eyes instantly travel to the man on this side getting out and grinning at me. No attempt to do anything


    except face me. Eyes pinning me with a look that leaves no misunderstanding.


    A butch rugged sort of man, short and stocky with a snarl and a skinhead. He¡¯s dressed head to toe in


    standard Mafia uniform and I know he is not a Carrero. He¡¯s all wrong, far too white supremacist and


    looking at me like a starved dog who just came across his dinner.


    I turn quickly to make a run for it, head screaming, even if the direction is further from Alexi, and gasp


    as I realise another male is walking up behind me, and shudder to a standstill in fright. He¡¯s a bookend


    as far as attire is concerned to his obvious partner. They must have been following me after all and


    waited until I was out of the Carrero danger zone before risking getting close.


    That inner panic rearing her hysterical head, my body runs cold and prickly with the sudden shock of


    what I have walked into. Heart hammering through my chest and my body fires into high alert. My brain


    scrambling for a n.


    ¡°Be a good girl now, Miss Walters, and don¡¯t cause a scene.¡± He grins, all toothy and snarly, sadistic


    hints in that ugly eye and my stomach drops to my feet.


    Property ? N?velDrama.Org.


    Shit.

 Chapter 162

    Chapter 162


    These are not Alexi¡¯s men. These are men who have obviously been watching the club and waiting for


    an opportunity to arise. I just gave them all of me, with my own stupidity. God knows how long they


    have been hanging at a distance watching theings and goings in case they got a chance at picking


    me off. It¡¯s horrifying to imagine they may have been out here this whole time, waiting for a time like


    this.


    I nce at him moving in and the man from the car is now behind me, blocking my path. Aware of both


    and my senses telling me how far away from actually touching me they are. More aware of the one


    behind me as it instils a higher fear factor, but my brain calms and the part that works well in a crisis


    moves in to formte an exit strategy. Eyes doing a quick scan of every avenue around me. Adrenaline


    kicking in and I do what I do best. Lift my fucking feet and run like a bat out of hell crazy woman with no


    desire to die, to my right, down the alley I hade level with and put everything I have into moving


    like a whippet on cocaine.


    Run bitch, RUN.


    I¡¯m a pro at sprinting in heels and tight dresses and I¡¯m pretty swift in my departure. The shock of it


    makes them hesitate so I get a jump start of seconds. Enough time to turn left down an alley out of


    sight and then left again, down another space, until I get to a recessed door in the street. It¡¯s a total


    fluke manoeuvre, fuelled by extreme fear but it pays off. The door is set back enough and in the


    darkest of shadows where it is positioned. Close enough to jump into it before they catch me up. It''s


    deep enough to press my entire body up against the chipping surface so that when one of them runs


    past they can¡¯t see me. Shielded in the frame of the opening as my hand scrambles behind me to try to


    get it open. Hand cupping rusty, rough metal as I get a grip on the handle and turn it frantically. It


    doesn¡¯t budge at all.


    They wille back and check these little nooks when they realise, I couldn¡¯t have gone far. I¡¯m


    blowing out air dramatically, panting and trying to keep my shit together. Chest burning with the sudden


    exertion, and breathless as I struggle to inhale air. My limbs are shaking badly, and my feet are on fire


    from running in heels.


    I hear one shout to the other about doubling back; knowing he wille this way only sends me into a


    terror fuelled frenzy. I start frantically looking around for somewhere else to go. They are too close, and


    I¡¯m too exposed. I have nothing to defend myself with and everything in me is shaking and stammering


    with dread and I need to get away.


    I spy another door further up the alley, in a darker spot, and take my chance; abandoning my locked


    haven, I make a second run for it. Pushing myself off with speed, giving it my all, galloping as fast as I


    can without letting my heels hit the concrete in case they hear it, tiptoes all the way and press myself


    into that doorway as I had the first as I m into it. I try the handle, yanking until it makes an odd


    crunching noise and much to my relief, it opens.


    Thank you, God.


    I throw myself inside, too hyped up to feel relief, right into the abandoned building as though jumping


    out of a fire-engulfed window. Desperation in every action and still struggling to breathe any valuable


    amounts of oxygen.


    Dust, cobwebs and dirt clog my lungs as I inhale the musty damp air that clings to my face in the


    tumble-down interior, stifling a cough as I do so. I manage to wedge the warped door shut again as


    quietly as I can, pressing against it with my butt and pushing hard. I stand with my back to it, aware


    there are filthy windows nearby; although dirty and smeared they might still see me if I move out of the


    shadows. I just hold incredibly still, using my body¡¯s weight to make sure they think this one is locked


    too if they try it.


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    My phone vibrates again. Knowing it will be Alexi, my heart somersaults, a little ray of hope, and this


    time self-preservation kicks in above all else and I grab at it to answer. No hesitation whatsoever now


    I¡¯m in danger that is not from him.


    ¡°Alexi ¡­¡± I whisper harshly, panting and trying to stay quiet while being heard by him. Voice trembling


    in hushed husky tones.


    ¡°Where the fuck are you? I¡¯m standing in the fucking bar ¡­¡± he snaps like a madman on a tirade, but I


    stop him mid-yell, crunching my eyes shut for fear they might hear me. My hands trembling as I cradle


    it as close to my mouth as I possibly can.


    ¡°Shh, please. I¡¯m in trouble, Alexi.¡± Ites out desperately, my voice a weak, raspy whisper, breaking


    as tears bite my eyes. Hopelessness washing over me at the sound of his voice.


    My saviour. My hero.


    There¡¯s a crunch of footsteps in the alley which echo my way and Ipletely freeze and hold my


    breath, crushing my phone to my face to mute any external noise from it. Alexi has fallen silent for a


    second anyway and I just pause, afraid to move a single inch.


    ¡°Cam? What are you talking about? Where are you?¡± His tone does aplete two sixty in his


    recovery and instead of rage is a deep, genuine concern. That cool, controlled huskiness but with a hint


    of something that sounds like fear, in a hushed tone as though he senses he needs to be quieter. I wait,


    listening for the sound outside to dissipate, afraid to speak or draw attention


    ¡°Cam? Talk to me ¡­ tell me where you are.¡± Alexi sounds strained this time, the fear overtaking his


    normal unemotional manner. A hint of panic in that normally cool tone pressing me, but I can¡¯t say


    anything until I¡¯m sure they won¡¯t hear me. The footsteps seem to be going the opposite way, fading out


    and I exhale heavily, pulling the screen from my mouth quickly. I may only have seconds.


    ¡°I came out front and walked right. I may only be a block away, but they are chasing me. I don¡¯t know


    who they are. Two men. I¡¯m in an old building that¡¯s left past a parked ck car on the kerb and then


    first left again, I think. I don¡¯t know. I can hear them looking nearby. Find me, please.¡± Ites out fast


    and muted, scrambled thoughts confusing my whereabouts. Tears prickle my eyes with sheer anxiety,


    moisture springing up and bubbling down my face as it hits my cheeks. I know he is close, but not close


    enough to save me should they find me in here.


    They want me and I have no doubt they are the people who tried and failed the first time around. The


    people Alexi spoke of, who¡¯ve murdered two women already.


    Alexi needs toe. I can¡¯t fight them, and I can¡¯t hide forever, they won¡¯t give up if they know I¡¯m


    close.


    ¡°I¡¯ming, baby. Stay calm, keep your head and find somece to stay hidden. We¡¯reing. You,


    you and you follow me, in my car. NOW ¡­ Cam, I won¡¯t let anything happen to you, I promised, didn¡¯t


    I? Just try to keep your head in the game, don¡¯t fall apart. I¡¯m moving, getting to the car.¡± I can hear his


    steps, on the verge of a run, and the crunch of gravel and muffled voices as Alexi assembles his


    rescue party into vehicles. Giving orders mid-conversation and it¡¯s a relief to know he is moving, acting


    fast. He¡¯sing for me.


    My baby ising.


    ¡°I¡¯m scared.¡± I stifle a sob down the phone, clinging to his voice to feel safe even though I know he can¡¯t


    help me right now. I just need to cling to him and hope he is faster than they are.


    ¡°I know, baby. You need to stay put and hide until I get there. I¡¯m already on my way. Just stay on the


    phone and keep quiet.¡±


    ¡°How will you know where to look? I¡¯m in a building, what if the car has moved?¡± I cry a little more


    desperately in afterthought as I realise, I don¡¯t know how to navigate him. I don¡¯t know the street names


    or even how far I really came. I wasn¡¯t paying attention.


    ¡°By turning on your phone tracker. I already have you on my screen. I¡¯m here, I¡¯ming. No one is


    going to take you from me¡ªever. I made a promise to you I don¡¯t intend to break. Nothing will ever


    happen to you.¡± It¡¯s a certainty in his tone, a fierce statement with a hint of that deathly snarl he can pull


    off easily. He means it and it gives me a moment of calm, enough to pull my shit together as I nod into


    mid-air. He won¡¯t let them take me, and they won¡¯t be stupid enough to kill me here.


    Will they?


    I know he¡¯lle. I know he will protect me¡ªhe always does. Alexi won¡¯t let them take me; he will


    move mountains to get here before they find me. I have every faith that he will. I just need to wait until


    he finds me, and if they find me first, I fight hard and loud until he hears us. I won¡¯t die. I won¡¯t leave


    him. He won¡¯t let me leave him.


    The noise in the alleyes back down towards me, echoing eerily and Ipletely freeze, pushing


    my attention fully on Alexi to zone out the fear. Alexi is quiet but I can hear noises on his end as I clutch


    it to my ear. I think he is checking his screen for my location and leaving the call open, but he isn¡¯t


    listening. I can hear voices in the background, Alexi, Mico, other men as he tells them which turn to


    take.


    I can hear so much of where he is and the fact they are on the move, then realise I shouldn¡¯t be


    listening to his atmospheric noise but listening to my own otherwise they could creep right up on me


    and I wouldn¡¯t hear them. I pull the phone away and turn my head to stare at the scratched and warped


    door I¡¯m leaning against. The rough surface catching the fabric of my dress and leaving threads


    hanging loose.


    The crunch of gravel is nearby, the hushed tones of two men mumbling to each other and I know they


    are practically on the other side of the door. I didn¡¯t hear them approaching and now it sounds like they


    are trying doors and buildings because they haven¡¯t found me.


    ¡°It¡¯s the only way she could have gone. Check all the doors, even that one over there. One must be


    unlocked. She didn¡¯t just vanish.¡±


    FUCK


    There is only one door further up where I was, it¡¯s locked, so then they will try here and it¡¯s not giving


    Alexi enough time to find me. On foot, he is at least ten minutes. By car a lot less, but only if they


    already have them out of the lot. The car park gates are slow and sometimes the cars out front from his


    staff block the street. My head is a muddle of ¡®what ifs¡¯ and I¡¯m chewing off the topyer of my bottom


    lip while torturing myself.


    I feel like my body has turned to lead and my heavy limbs are slow to cooperate. My mind is torn


    between curling up and sobbing or running my arse out the door screaming on Alexi. I¡¯m just so


    desperate not to be in this situation anymore. I need to stop myself freaking out and blowing my hiding


    spot. So antsy; nerves strung out and body twitchy, fidgety as my feet ache to leg it. I am poised to run.


    ¡°Wait ¡­ what about down there? I¡¯ll go check it out while you keep looking here.¡± The voice


    commands, close enough to hear them clearly through my wooden safety barrier as though they are


    right next to me and I would put them at standing maybe six feet away. There is more crunching of


    shoes on loose stones, scraping, which then turns to steps on concrete and I bite on my lip insanely


    hard to still my pounding heart. I taste blood, trying to quell an impulsive yelp and stare at the window


    almost two feet from me, watching for his shadow as he passes it.


    I don¡¯t know what to do. Stick to the door so if he opens it, I move too and hide behind it. All he will see


    is an empty building, hopefully.


    Or will he check behind the door first?


    My heart is pounding through my rib cage so badly it feels like I¡¯m having a heart attack and I know all


    they need to do is get hold of me and get me into that car and we¡¯re gone. For all I know, they have


    driven it down here for easy kidnapping.


    Alexi might be able to track my phone but it¡¯s whether he gets to me before they do something. The


    intention is murder and they might do it right here and take my body elsewhere.


    Shit


    The handle turns in my grasp and I jump, covering my mouth with my hand to curb the terrified squeal


    and I hold my breath again, biting down hard on my tongue to distract myself with pain. My body is


    against the door pushing with all my might so that when he tries to open it, he meets resistance. I pray


    he thinks it¡¯s jammed and moves on, but he persists. Nudging, bumping into my spine and heightening


    my already sky-high fear levels.


    There is another movement of the handle, twisting my wrist to an almost snapping point as I struggle to


    hold it, then nothing for a moment. I stand listening, waiting, pressing myself firmly against it and wait.


    Trying to figure out if he has decided it¡¯s locked and is moving on away from me. Too tense to hope for


    that and just poised and still in a horrible long tense second that seems tost forever.


    It happens so fast I¡¯m not prepared, the sudden human weight whack as he shoulders the door


    viciously that shocks through my body and catapults it. Sending me flying with a squeal, across the


    dirty, shrapnel strewn floor in a chaotic throw. My shoe catching on a little step and I¡¯m flung on my


    knees painfully into the dim light of this derelict prison. Scraping with dramatic aplomb across the rough


    concrete with grazing pain as I skid to a dirty halt amid a cloud of thick, dry dust.


    ¡°Well, well. There you are. Sneaky little bitch.¡± The cruel, deep voice of my predator, and as I struggle


    to get up, cutting my palms on ragged debris and broken ss, he yanks me from behind by the hair


    and pulls me forcefully up against him. Dragged to kneeling and iling limbs like a puppet who just


    had their strings cut. My hands fly to my hair to grab onto the way he¡¯s ripping my roots to shreds. A


    sharp, effective pain to gain control.


    It¡¯s a million triggers in one.


    Taken from behind, a man breathing down my neck and igniting all my cringe and hysteria impulses;


    held captive and already high on the fumes of terror and fear knowing this man is here to harm me. I


    start fighting back uncontrobly with ps and kicks as I mber to my feet, wing nails at whatever


    I can reach. Blinded by memory and the will to survive. Screaming my loudest at him so my hero, who I


    know ising, can hear me.


    His hand crushes over my mouth to silence me, an arm around my ribs as I throw my body weight


    backwards into him to knock him off bnce, but it¡¯s futile. He¡¯s crazily strong for a short fat creep.


    He clings to me, tightening his hold on my ribs, pressing me with enough force to crack a few and


    winding me in the process. He is trying to reduce my fight and oxygen and ws his fingers into my


    face as he smothers me. Biting pain and bruising grasp to disarm me and induce submission.


    Except, I¡¯m not anyone¡¯s docile little victim. I¡¯m Alexi¡¯s little hellcat and I won¡¯t go quietly.


    My hands are free, and I use my phone to aim backward ps at his face and head, knowing it would


    serve more worth than my tiny soft hands. It¡¯s my only weapon right now and I will use it to both hurt


    him and let Alexi know they have caught me if he puts it back to his ear. I whack at what I can before


    losing my grip and it¡¯s sent sliding off mid-air and crashes to the floor.


    He is my only hope in getting out of this alive.


    My other hand finds his cheek and I use my nails to grab hard and dig into the flesh I manage to cup


    there. Piercing into softness and digging with all my might. There¡¯s an angry roar as acrylics connect


    fully and he cruelly yanks my face sideways, pushing my body by letting me go with the arm around my


    waist. I¡¯m spun towards him and he delivers a brutal p right across my left cheekbone and eye


    socket, epassing a vast area with one sharp smack. It knocks me momentarily senseless. That


    burning, spiky pain that instantly spreads to make you feel like half your skull just exploded and rattles


    your brain inside its chamber.


    It¡¯s a blunt, hard thwack that immediately turns to pulsing swelling flesh as my body follows the curve of


    my knock and I crumble in a heap on the ground to the side of him. Dazed and my vision blurs a little.


    Once again being stabbed all over my lower body by the crap and broken shit all over this dirty floor.


    I can take a punch or two, I know that much, and I try to shake it off as I scramble to get to my knees


    once more. Hand sliding over my leg, then ankle and grabbing my shoe as I do so. My wits about me,


    even if they are a little detached with the force of that knock.


    Stilettos are not just a choice because they are sexy, I don¡¯t just buy cheap shoes either, with no real


    strength to the heels. I buy solid expensive and sleek footwear that has enough heel strength to use as


    a weapon should I ever need it. I learned the value in a good shoe a long time ago.


    With pointy toe in hand and himing at me again I go for his leg and stab him as hard as I can in his


    inner thigh. Throwing my weight behind it and cupping my shoe so the heel is gaining strength from the


    palm of my hand. A thrusting motion with intent. It¡¯s a satisfying slug into flesh and I know it pierces him


    as it disappears into a fat thigh.


    Another growl and roar that makes my blood curdle as he yells out in pain and blood instantly spreads


    around the embedded weapon. He throws another swing at my face, less coordinated but this time I


    duck, and he catches my hair in his iling fingers instead.


    Getting a tight grip of me, he yanks me back to my feet, pulls me level with him and grasps my shoe-


    wielding hand so tightly he crushes my wrist bone with the ferocity of his anger. He is trying to stop me


    pushing it in further than it already is, but I won¡¯t relent at all.


    ¡°You little fucking bitch. We are going to take our time with you and make you suffer for days for that. I


    will rip your fucking pussy to shreds and enjoy every minute.¡± It¡¯s a snarl in the shadows and I¡¯m half


    blinded by the bright light flooding in through the open door behind him, unable to see him properly.


    Eyes blink at the sudden assault and a blur of dark and light confuses me, so I have no clue what is


    going on.


    He twists my wrist painfully, causing me to release the shoe finally and its tters to the ground with an


    anticlimactic little noise as it slides from his gaping wound. My only hope of fighting a man this size. He


    overpowers me cruelly and all I can do is grasp at his legs to stop myself crying out with the pain he¡¯s


    inflicting. He is going for a broken bone.


    Something shadowy catches my eye across his shoulder as I ponder my fate and try to figure out how


    else to get loose, but I don¡¯t have the vision to see what it is. Still adjusting to him opening the door and


    flooding us with sunlight.


    It¡¯s the end of the road now. I¡¯m fucked.


    A whoosh of air, a sudden release that hauls him back and pushes me away, so I¡¯m dropped on my


    arse in the dirt, blinking stupendously. I can only just make out a dark, strong form of someone tall and


    muscr, all in ck, positioning himself between us in lighting speed and delivers a swift, calcted


    punch to the throat of my assant. One single, quick blow right at his Adam''s apple.


    It¡¯s all a whir of mere seconds, as though I¡¯m in slow motion and the world is speeding around me. My


    vision blurry with tears and my left eye is burning so bad it¡¯s streaming. All I can see as I try to


    limatise is the fluid form of a trained fighter, a silent deadly movement and intimidating presence.


    My attacker gasps weirdly, gurgles and then drops to his knees clutching at his throat dramatically; my


    eyes widen as my vision clears fully on what I can see from my huddled position. I realise the form


    standing off centre between us is very familiar and all my fear trickles away as though a warm wave


    just washed over me from my scalp to my toes. Relief rushes to my every pore in a huge nket of


    complete heat and exhaustion. Body sinking with the instant release, knowing I¡¯m safe.


    Alexi turns to me after he watches the man sprawl out across the ground, looking cold and terrifying.


    Much like he did the night he snapped that man¡¯s neck in the club. No emotion at all; just uses his foot


    to push his victim away, like discarded trash, as he takes hisst gargling attempt to breathe and


    completely stills in an undignified heap. Alexi seems unaffected by the gruesome scene, while I look


    away and try not to react to something as horrifying as someone suffocating to death. Hating my


    attacker yet appalled by how awful that kind of end is. It will leave a mark on me, watching someone


    helplessly struggle for breath that way.


    Alexi crushed his airway, one single punch in the right part of a man¡¯s throat and boom ¡­ dead. A very


    effective and stealth way to kill someone and obviously a trained move. Alexi is a man who uses his


    hands more than weapons and I stare numbly at the scene before me. I feel like this is a dream and I¡¯m


    no longer here, adrenaline coursing through me and yet it leaves me utterly exhausted. I suddenly just


    want to lie down and pass out.


    ¡°Get up. We need to move. I have to find the other one.¡± There¡¯s no warmth or concern in that low,


    deadly tone. A detached iciness and the way he hauls me up by my arm and grabs my shoe for me,


    tells me he is not in ¡®lover Alexi¡¯ frame of mind. It¡¯s like I¡¯m a naughty child being pulled up by a parent


    for tantruming. Manhandling me aggressively. He is switched off, closed down and in full ¡®don¡¯t fuck


    with me¡¯ mode. Alexi the Mafia boss still enraged at me and all up in assassin head as he sorts out my


    mess.


    He waits for a second as I slide it on, limbs shaking and doing my best topose myself quickly while


    getting no reassurance from him at all. He pulls me into the light to do a scan of my face and body with


    serious narrowed eyes and no hint of warmth, no hint of anything at all in fact, in those soulless eyes


    before he pulls me out with him into the alley again. He frowned, that was about it, but I don¡¯t doubt he


    ismitting the mess of me to memory to take out on kidnapper number two when they catch him.


    Alexi isn¡¯t one to forget.


    Out here my eyes are drawn to the number of ck suits moving fast in and out of the crevices of the


    streets between abandoned four by fours. I recognise all as Carrero vehicles. There are two of his


    cousins out here that work security on the doors and Alexi nods to them and then back inside the


    building silently. They obediently nod a quietmunication and duck past us inside. I know what that


    means.


    Clean-up crew. They are here to assist him and then take care of the mess left behind. Like it never


    happened. They will prop up the body, remove it and deposit it however men in the Mafia do.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t say anything to me at all. No words offort, no hug like that night in the club. Just pulls


    me at a fast pace out of the alley so I struggle to keep up on tender feet and bruised limbs, holding


    firmly at the very top of my arm and doesn¡¯t look at me again. It¡¯s a biting grip and a hint he has no faith


    in me not to run away from him right now. He is back to hard, cruel and pissed and I should keep quiet


    if I have any sense.


    I can sense the waves of angering off him in droves and it just changes my anxious, fear-addled


    mood to one of emotional angst instead.


    We get out into the next part of the alleyway and I can see a dozen more Carrero menbing every


    corner here. I have no doubts he has a shit ton more of them searching every single street until they


    find the second man. Alexi will want one alive to interrogate and finally find the source of whoever is


    behind this. I know he will make it a personal chore to extract the intel.


    We keep walking until we get back to the main road and I blink at the row of ck four by fours that line


    the pavement for as far as I can see. I guess they came in droves at hismand and that one ck


    sedan is still sitting half on the kerb where they left it. Meaning that one man is still here somewhere


    and running for his life if he has any sense. Now he is the one chased down like a rabbit and hiding in


    one of the derelict buildings.


    I hope he feels the same terror I did.


    Alexi willpletely fuck him up for this.


    Alexi marches me to the nearest vehicle, still almost dragging me on my feet with his fast steps and no-


    nonsense aura. Still won¡¯t look at me and still no verbal from him. He opens the back door, almost


    pushing me into the back seat harshly, making it clear he¡¯s madder than hell, before leaning in over my


    legs so he can look at the driver. A snarling sort of psycho look.


    ¡°Take her to my apartment. Stay there with her until Ie. I¡¯m sending the B team with you as extra


    security. If she tries to get out. Chain her to the fucking car.¡± Alexi barks his order and the young man


    nods seriously. Eyes steadfast and not once looking my way for fear of hismander.


    ¡°Yes, boss.¡± That nervous agreement of a man who knows his boss is in no mood for any other answer.


    My heart sinks and I just stare at Alexi¡¯s face as he turns to me. Praying for signs of softer or less


    hostile in him. Colourless eyes are almost ck right now and that normally handsome bad boy look is


    a full-on sadistic devil. I swallow loudly and still my shaking hands by sping them in myp.


    Alexi pulls back out and only stops to focus his attention on me for a second, to yank my seat belt


    across me and leans in to clip it on briskly. Almost snapping it off in the fastener, he does it so harshly.


    ¡°You will stay put. Do not fucking leave that apartment, under any circumstance. No arguments, no


    answering back and no fuckingint. You will obey me or suffer the consequences. Do you


    understand me?¡± Harsh, angry and biting. A throwback to the Carrero I used to cower before. It gives


    me an instant emotional lump in my throat, tears welling up and I swallow hard again, nodding feebly.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I whisper it timidly. Knowing he is beyond raging at me and now is not really the time to try and


    talk to him. He closes the door sharply, swings it with a m and bangs on the roof to signal the driver


    should go with more force than necessary.


    As soon as the driver turns on the engine, the car in front starts up and moves first. As we drive away, I


    realise there is another at our rear all driving in convoy. Alexi disappears back into the building he


    found me in and doesn¡¯t even watch us leave. That walk of a predator in hunting mode and I know he


    won¡¯t be following me until he has his prey and devours the son of a bitch.


    This is my security and we are being sent somewhere I have never been to get put under house arrest


    in the meantime, and probably indefinitely. I guess walking out of the club means he doesn¡¯t trust me to


    go back there and so close to a man they are searching for.


    I sigh heavily, close my hands and wring my fingers crazily. Realising that my phone is still in that


    building where I dropped it and I won¡¯t get a warning when he ising or have a way to even contact


    him about it.


    I feel beyond sick. Shock taking over where adrenaline is wearing off, and I just have a huge need to


    cry suddenly. Overwhelming waves of intense emotion I cannot curb at all, and I lean forward burying


    my face in my bloody hands, scratched, aching and rough to let it all out.


    A blubbering mess of sobs and hysterics now that I¡¯m safe, and everything caves in on me heavily.

 Chapter 163

    Chapter 163


    Alexi¡¯s apartment is huge. Walking in the door, ushered by four big burly men I know from the club and


    all inplete silence. I don¡¯t even take the time to acknowledge them individually or even look up past


    ck heavy coats and wide chests to recognise each one. Just a group of intimidating security in


    matching outfits and earpieces who escorted me from car door to apartment door.


    I have no words anyway. Dishevelled, filthy and broken inside as I¡¯m led into a massive open n


    penthouse apartment that I would never think of putting Alexi in. A building in Upper Manhattan¡¯s most


    luxurious area.


    It¡¯s warmer and homelier than the d¨¦cor of the club, with slight ties to his bolthole in the styling. Huge


    soft corner couches, side tables and furniture for lounging andying cups by your side. In front of vast


    windows spanning entire walls and showing New York at its finest in sweeping views. I feel like we are


    on top of the world as we are so high up in a vast modern yetfy home that is less stark and male


    than the club. My eyes scan the roaring ss fire in the natural brick pir standing imposingly in the


    middle of the room, giving no real heat so it¡¯s obviously a digital screen. It serves as a divider to the


    metal railed stairway behind it at the far end. I¡¯m close to a white glossy kitchen that spans an entire


    wall and uses unstained real wood topped ind counters to create a more sectioned off space. The


    whole ce is in earthy tones, neutrals with fur rugs and cosy furnishings ced strategically around


    with the odd sculpture and a lot ofrge potted greenery freestanding around us. It¡¯s vast but there is a


    sense of intimacy in all the little arranged seating nooks.


    Arge, grey wolf-like doges trotting out from behind that huge chimney breast structure startling


    me with his sudden appearance. Instantly my heart hammers faster, and hands go mmy as it drops


    its nose and sniffs the air lower to the ground while reaching it out towards us. Smelling us.


    An intimidating wild looking beast that stands abnormally tall for a mere dog. It¡¯s easily at my waist


    height and although slender all over, it has a mass that hints at speed and power. It¡¯s unnerving, much


    like waking in a hospital room with a stealthy Alexi in the shadows and that same feeling of intense


    anxiety and awareness ovees me. Skin prickling with nervousness and my blood cools my


    overheated body almost instantly.


    The dog, if I can even call it that stands off and watches us suspiciously in his poised stance, pulling


    my attention to its head as it raises it fully; studying us, eyes boring into us. They all seem oblivious and


    obviously used to its a presence, but I¡¯m rooted to the spot, locked in a battle of stares from an animal


    that looks like it belongs in a Red Riding Hood movie. I¡¯m the girl in red and I might be about to be


    lunch.


    I shiver, trying to hide my fear but I can tell it already senses it as it watches, statue-like and just does


    not react at all.


    The men scatter and go off to do a sweep of the building even though there is two security sitting at an


    office right at the main door in the only real sectioned off room in this ce. They nodded at us as we


    walked in. No one¡¯s bothering to even tell me what to do now I¡¯m here, or if I should curl on the floor in


    the foetal position until this scary arse wolf goes away.


    I just stand awkwardly, trying not to fidget, and move a tiny inch towards the sitting room while never


    letting my eyes trail away from those two beacons of intensity he has going on.


    He reminds me of someone equally terrifying.


    The soulless pale grey eyes of Alexi, on an animal. It¡¯s weird and yet somehowforting and I can


    see what drew him to this animal if it is even his. That eerie pair of devil eyes,cking warmth and


    colour.


    ¡°Lync. Here.¡± One of the men reappears quickly, having checked a nearby room behind a heavy


    wooden door I¡¯m only drawn to when I hear him close it. He calls to it as he walks back to me and it


    bursts into a run, tail lifting to wag as it heads for Reynold. One of Alexi¡¯s most used henchmen in his


    security team. He bends down, although he doesn¡¯t need to move far as the dog is about the size of a


    small bear, and aggressively rubs its head and body while crooning at it.


    All of its scary ¡®I may eat you¡¯ manner, disperses into puppy whimpering and crawling around the man''s


    feet as it tries to roll on its back for further affection. Melting the hostility and suspicion away as he folds


    back his ears and his jawline seems to curl back into a weird dog smile with half-closed eyes at the


    petting. He¡¯s soft as hell it would appear. It¡¯s as big a transformation as dickhead Alexi to sweet Lexi.


    ¡°Is he Alexi¡¯s?¡± I ask stupidly, watching at my safe distance, trying to not feel weirded out that he even


    has a pet, let alone a scary reincarnation of him if he was an animal. It just doesn¡¯t fit the idea I had of


    him and he has never mentioned this at all. He acted like Feral was a strange thing to have and now I


    find he has an actual wolf. Lync definitely looks wolf rather than husky now I¡¯m examining him up close


    and not wondering if I can outrun him. He has huge paws and teeth, despite a skinniernky frame and


    very rough fur.


    ¡°He is yeah. Lex likes to keep him out of the way. He¡¯s a wolf mix with an Inuit in there somewhere.


    Rare and not quite your usual domestic pet. Lex rescued him from a kill shelter who had worried his


    mix would make him a vicious animal and unsuitable for re-homing.¡±


    I nch at that and blink at this animal again. His eyes are fixed on me once more in the most


    distrusting way, watching my every move while having his belly rubbed and it strikes me just how like


    Alexi the dog really is.


    Ferocious, untrusting, almost snarling feral dog, that I have no doubt is a biter when he wants to be.


    Yet, the ability to trust and a love of being petted with the right people. A much softer inner side of his


    personality.


    I wonder if I rubbed Alexi¡¯s tummy, he would not strangle me to death for today.


    Might be best not to try though.


    I guess he saw a kindred spirit in this poor beast and now I¡¯m feeling a little less intimidated by


    something that belongs on the cover of a wild ska animal book. Even if I¡¯m not entirely convinced it


    isn¡¯t sizing me up for dinner.


    ¡°He takes a while to warm to people so don¡¯t be offended if he keeps his distance and watches you like


    he might maul you. Lync was wild when Lex took him in, and he doesn¡¯t trust just anyone. He¡¯s well


    trained though and doesn¡¯t like the taste of human flesh.¡± That wicked smile, a chuckle that puts my


    fears to rest even though I won¡¯t admit it was what I was thinking, and I eye roll at his attempt at


    humour. Much like his cousin with his dry jokes. I think it must be a Carrero trait to be dry, blunt and


    sarcastic in humour.


    I have to wonder at the coincidence in the wolf though. Sounds like Alexi in so many ways and I can


    almost feel myself warming to the mutt on that knowledge alone.


    ¡°Lync is a pretty weird name for a wolf thing, dog.¡± I blink at it, still aware of its eyes homed in on me


    and wonder if it¡¯s the kind of animal to rip your throat out while you sleep. That¡¯s not really eating you,


    it¡¯s just removing you from its territory and wouldn¡¯te under hungering for the taste of flesh.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    ¡°Gino. He likes to think he¡¯s funny and called this poor mutt the missing link. Some joke about Lex not


    being human or some shit. It stuck and now we all call him Lync.¡± He rubs him onest time and then


    straightens up to make a move. The dog rolls back to a sitting position and immediately turns his eyes


    back to me. Intimidation at its finest. The thing doesn¡¯t even blink and I squirm ufortably and look


    away.


    I admit, the more you look at him, once the initial shock of seeing this beast for the first time wears off,


    the more you appreciate just how handsome an animal he is. He has definite wolf-like traits in his


    colouring and markings. That long face and piercing eyes, thenkier frame of a wolf over something


    like a husky. But then those eyes are something else. So pale and almost colourless in a face that has


    a much darker grey in it. It¡¯s eerie but alsopletely Alexi.


    Pale eyes, tanned skin and jet-ck hair in an angr face. It¡¯s what makes them stand out in the


    same way Lync¡¯s do. The contrast.


    It¡¯s beautiful.


    The man and his beast; it¡¯s kind of cute and a little enlightening. He cared enough to save this animal


    and raise it. Judging by how healthy it looks he makes sure it¡¯s cared for when he isn¡¯t here. I¡¯m


    guessing there is constant security, and the bubbling pot on the stove in the cooker suggests there is a


    housekeeper kicking around that makes sure his dog is walked and fed and adored in his absence.


    ¡°I¡¯ll just steer clear until it decides not to eat me¡± I smile warily and take a giant curve around them to go


    look for a seat. My legs are sore, my feet are painful from running in these damn shoes and all the


    debris I got in them. I¡¯m scratched up and covered in filth. My battered body and face are burning,


    dress messed up. I¡¯m aching and I must look an absolute fright after full on sobbing for most of the


    entire journey here. I feel drained both mentally and physically. Emotionally I¡¯m just numb and trying not


    to dissect what will happen when Alexi shows up.


    I have no doubt it will be bad judging by how he was as I left.


    ¡°Miss Walters, Mr Carrero told me to have a bath ready for you and some fresh clothes in his room.¡±


    The female voice startles me,ing from far left behind me and I jump then turn to see a very small


    woman in herte fiftiesing down from behind the stairwell at the chimney.


    She¡¯s tiny, a little thick around the waist, dressed like a stereotypical Italian mama in a vige setting,


    with a floral dress under a cosy pink cardigan and apron over chunky boots. She has a wrinkly tanned


    but warm and friendly face, with matching grey hair in a tight bun at the nape of her neck.


    If I had to conjure up some weather-beaten kindly olddy in a magical story, then it would be her and


    I¡¯m instantly soothed by her heavily ented voice.


    ¡°I will show you to his room if you follow me.¡± She smiles warmly, watery blue eyes shining at me with


    no hint of malice, and I try not to dissect her as I walk towards her.


    I expected him to have a young, hot, highly sexed housekeeper he could bang when he was bored, not


    a motherly, frail little woman who is more likely to hug away your tears. I wonder if she too is some sort


    of Carrero rtive although I¡¯m not sure he would put them in a position of servitude.


    Well, actually ¡­ most of his men are, so maybe he would.


    ¡°Thanks. I could use a soak in the tub.¡± I reply brightly, liking this idea of getting away from men and


    dog and being alone to soothe myself. It doesn¡¯t go unnoticed that despite being cold and pissed Alexi


    still called ahead to make sure I would be taken care of. A bath and food, knowing I¡¯m a mess and


    would probably need an energy boost after the shock of what happened. I¡¯m light-headed, fragile and


    woozy. A bath and food sound like all I can handle at the moment.


    Even mad at me he¡¯s still trying to care for me, that must be a sign that maybe he won¡¯t go nuclear on


    arrival.


    ¡°This way.¡± She nods back up the stair and I follow obediently. Desperate to sit down and take these


    shoes off but not willing to show any more vulnerability than I have. My hands are caked in dry blood


    and grime and stinging from a thousand minor scratches and scrapes, all over my exposed legs. I¡¯m


    amazed all my nails are intact though, so sure I would have broken at least one in that scramble.


    My hair must be a riot after my tussle with my attempted kidnapper, and I shudder as the image of his


    dead body slumped at Alexi¡¯s feet zooms in to give me another stomach lurch. I push it aside, more


    afraid of the pissed Mafia boss who still has toe and see me over what he did to that man.


    As we climb the open stairs, I take in the surroundings to distract myself and my rhumba pulse.


    Pushing Alexi out of my head again. Nerves having themselves a rollercoaster ride through my body as


    I shift from hot to cold, calm to uptight, every few seconds.


    The carpeted stair has ss bannisters between the wrought-iron railing and just adds to the airy feel


    of space and luxury as we disappear to a second floor into more of the same neutrals and plush cream


    carpeting. No polished floors in sight up here.


    The lower floor from what I can see is mainly all lounging space and kitchen, the sectioned off security


    rooms at one end but there¡¯s a hint of a room at the far end where a door is camouged in the brick


    wall. It looks like the apartment should end there, but as we climb upstairs, I realise the apartment must


    extend much further and it leads to more rooms. Behind that one door must be a corridor to more


    rooms downstairs and up here I can see he easily must have at least five rooms or more unless there


    are less and they¡¯re just huge.


    I don¡¯t know why he needs an apartment this size when he has several others. He¡¯s single and clearly


    only lives with a dog. It seems like maybe one day he has ns to expand and I push it down and


    ignore it as nothing. Another niggle I can¡¯t deal with right now which just adds to my tight tension and


    knotted up insides.


    She leads me along a hallway that stretches right down the centre of the upstairs floor. Many rooms are


    on either side behind natural wooden doors and I like the fact this ce has the space to spend a lot of


    time and never feel hemmed in. Maybe that¡¯s why he bought it. He can be here a lot of the time and


    never tire of the rooms or get ustrophobic.


    I¡¯m taken down what feels like the longest corridor ever, to the one double door facing us and opened


    into arge master suite whose windows match those of downstairs. A full ss wall on one side,


    making is light, open and bright. That view is spectacr and gives you a feeling of being up in the


    clouds.


    The room itself is bigger than the entire club apartment.


    A massive ck four-poster bed in the middle made up withyers of white bedding and furry cushions,


    shoved up against a free-standing brick chimney-like pir with built-in shelving. Dark wooden floors


    and one wall is a cleverly concealed row of white doors which I assume are wardrobes and meant to


    look like one glossy wall. There are some huge dark wood dressers along the wall to my right, between


    this door and another set of closed doors which are the only other things in here, besides a massive


    ss panel firece on the chimney, a good ten feet over the bed, and above the dressers facing it is


    an equally huge TV. Everything is concealed, no clutter or much furniture and insanely serene with it.


    Art on the walls is sparse, although they arerge to cover all the white spaces that are left. They are


    abstract and brightly coloured sshes over muted tones.


    ¡°Bathroom is in there; I will get you something from my wardrobe to wear that might fit until Mico has


    your clothes sent over.¡± She smiles pleasantly pointing at that door in the room and nods at the


    bathrobe on the bed. A white fluffy one, concealed because it matches the throw on the end of that


    luxurious setup.


    ¡°If you leave your dirty clothes here, then I will have themundered.¡± She smiles again, wide and


    friendly and doesn¡¯t even flick her eyes over my messy dishevelled appearance with any kind of


    question. Just epts.


    I like her.


    ¡°Thank you ¡­ umm ¡­ did Alexi say when to expect him back?¡± I ask awkwardly as she turns to leave,


    knowing she might not have a clue, but it¡¯s worth a try; my stomach is tying itself in knots and could do


    with a little intel. If I know when he¡¯s about to show up, I can at least rx in the meantime and unwind


    all the taut nerves and sickening anxiety running through me.


    I don¡¯t want to sit here for days waiting for him and not know what will happen when he shows up.


    That¡¯s a special kind of agony.


    ¡°He said to make sure you were attended to and that he would be home shortly and to prepare dinner


    for you both. He does not like reheated food, so I¡¯m guessing he intends a return within the hour.¡± She


    smiles again, nothing but warmth in that wrinkled little face and I wonder if she was an attempt at giving


    himself a stand-in mother. She has that maternal vibe and I could see why he wouldn¡¯t want the hassle


    of a live-in maid whom he has banged. He hates women trailing around after him when he¡¯s done with


    them.


    A cosy home he never lets on is his, a dog and a motherly maid. Alexi made himself what he was


    lacking, and I can see why he never let mee here before. Like his bolthole, this ce is


    somewhere he can be someone else, and it feeds a side of him that his mother never nurtured.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I falter, covering my sheerck of knowing what¡¯s happening or even something as basic


    about him as not liking reheated food. It¡¯s not something that ever came up, seeing as I don¡¯t cook for


    him, or have ever had to get food for him. A girlfriend should know these things though. I want to know


    these things about him.


    After today I guess that¡¯s a moot subject and I can stop nning beyond tonight if he¡¯sing back


    today. I don¡¯t see how we can have a future after today.


    She hovers a moment to see if I have any other questions and then nods when I remain silent. She


    walks out and closes the door quietly behind her, clicking it securely and leaving me with myself, my


    thoughts and my bath.


    As soon as I¡¯m alone it all sort of leaches out in a loud, heavy sigh and my body sinks from its practised


    posture. I stopped crying in the car, to be honest, I think it was the shock and an initial reaction to that


    turbulent episode of events. I then sat quiet and numb for the rest of the car journey and now it feels


    like I have a heavyweight of doom and gloom pressing down on me as I have another look about me.


    Trying to shake off the weary fatigue of carrying such an emotional burden. I feel like I¡¯m not done


    crying, but I don¡¯t want to start again in case it never stops. Instead, I try to take my mind off it by


    investigating my surroundings. Walking past the bed to nosey at a space I can see before the windows.


    There¡¯s a huge dog bed in the far corner the bed had concealed when I was at the door, and now I can


    see a bookcase tucked in around a corner beside it. A little dark square space where the dog has his


    bed, toys and a couple of shelves with cors, spare tags and a puppy framed picture over it. The pir


    on the other side making a small nook where Lync seems to have his own space. Furry rug peeking out


    under therge, plump bed.


    I wander over to it, realising it¡¯s much deeper andrger than it looked, and finger the array of novels


    and bric-a-brac nestled here on the built-in bookcase, filled with very Alexi things. Thrillers, spy books,


    psychological novels and framed pictures of those Alexi holds closest. All suggesting this apartment is


    truly where he spends time and calls it home. It¡¯s a hidden piece of his bolthole and some of the items


    resemble the kind of things he keeps there. Sentimental little things, random, eclectic statues, books,


    trinkets and my hand hovers over a picture of me.


    It¡¯s a selfie I took on his phone one day in the office to assign to my number when he told me to save it.


    I did it in sarcasm, just to annoy him whenever my name popped up on his screen. Pouting an overly


    dramatic kissy set of blood-red lips, a wink as I tousle my hair seductively, cleavage out and nestled


    cross-legged on his desk, a lot of thigh on show with his chair in the background. I remember taking it


    and the way he frowned at me when I handed his phone back to him.


    It¡¯s been printed out as a five by seven inch and he has it propped in front of arge picture of him and


    his brother, at eye level. No frame but in front of everything on that shelf in prime viewing position.


    My heart somersaults, the warm feeling of gooey he seems to be able to inflict and I harbour a little


    hope that maybe this won¡¯t be as bad as I think it will. Calming some of my frazzled nerves.


    Alexi kept a photo of me with his personal stuff in a home he likes to keep people away from.


    I don¡¯t know when he printed this, but the fact he has it, says a lot. That lump that forms in heart and


    chest making itself known and I feel even more inclined to cry, just for different reasons.


    I run my fingers over my overly sexual pose and an almost smug expression, knowing I meant it to get


    at him and wish I could rece it with something more genuine. Maybe one of us. A picture that was


    not intended to get on his nerves, although judging by the fact it¡¯s here, I don¡¯t think it had the desired


    effect.


    I quickly move past it, fixating on other things on the shelf and push it out of my mind before I have the


    urge to cry again. Focusing on the pictures in frames but avoiding any of him because I¡¯m not ready to


    stare at his gorgeous face and break all over again.


    There are pictures of Gino, Mico, Jackson, the guy I saw Sophie Huntsberger with, so I guess that¡¯s


    Arrick. And one with him and Alexi in boxing shorts and gloves, and another man who is most definitely


    Carrero. All three of them have that look. The third one is a lot like Alexi in so many ways. ck hair,


    strong, tall and handsome but he has green eyes and a severe love of tattoos all over his arms,


    shoulders and chest. I mean, the three of them do, but he has by far the most coverage. He¡¯s holding


    up a glove and has a cheeky grin aimed right at the camera. Nock of confidence in that one, anyway.


    To have such great DNA in a bloodline where all of you are a little too hot by human standards is pretty


    annoying. I can see that it¡¯s a strong gene and seems to produce little replicas through the entire family.


    These could be his brothers, cousins, maybe even second and I wouldn¡¯t be able to tell.


    I put the picture down and pick up one of a girl. She looks young, maybe teens and I recognise her


    from his picture album as one of his sisters. She¡¯s pretty, cute, sort of innocent looking but definitely a


    raven-haired, blue-eyed beauty of a Carrero.


    This family and their looks. Crazy.


    The pictures are also a little pointer that my cold, heartless brute cares enough to keep his family close


    in sentimentality. I have never owned a framed picture of anyone in my life and wouldn¡¯t have any need


    of a shelf to stow them on. I never knew what it was like to be part of a family until I was taken into


    Alexi¡¯s club and despite his issues with his mother, it¡¯s obvious he cares about his family a great deal.


    I slide off my shoes, dusting off as much of my collected debris as I can before sliding out of my soiled


    dress and lingerie and leaving them heaped on the floor in a little pile for the woman I didn¡¯t get a name


    for. They look like I wore them to a mud wrestling match, and I pull on the fluffy robe and pad to the


    bathroom, leaving the mess behind me. Leaving his shelves alone and tearing myself away from


    torturing my sanity. I need headspace and not reminders of him right now.


    My whole body is sore, bruised and achy. Much like my soul and the thought of sinking into hot water


    and letting it all ebb away is all I can focus on. My brain is shutting down on me due to fatigue and


    emotional exhaustion and my eyes are dry and itchy from crying it all out.


    The taps are still running when I open the door and step inside to a huge cloud of scented bubbles


    growing on the surface of the deep water in the middle of a tub made for two.


    The tub is huge, big enough for Alexi, Lync and me if I wanted it, made from a natural looking grey


    stone in a bathroom decked from floor to ceiling in the same grey tiles and built-ins. It has sunken wall


    lights inside frosted shades and a whole natural spa feel to it which is a stark contrast to the almost


    clinical furnishings of his room in the club. These are softer, less edgy and sterile. I guess because this


    is the ce he considers home, then he opted for a slight softening of his harsh choices.


    Like the bed.


    Huge and foreboding, but simple white and natural bedsheets, with a fur throw across the end.


    Masculine, minimalist yet oddly weing. I can imagine lying in that bed and watching a good old city


    rainstorm in the sky from that wide wall of floor to ceiling windows. He has shades pulled up and sheers


    at the sides with a runner that suggests he can cover all the windows with either a light fabric to still see


    the lights at night or the ckout blinds when he sees fit and wants daytime darkness. That¡¯s someone


    who likes to watch the view while falling asleep so even more of a contradiction to the windowless box


    of the club.

 Chapter 164

    Chapter 164


    I like this apartment; it somehow seems like I have been here before even though I have neverid


    eyes on it. I love the open space and simple furnishings. Nothing overly showy or shy, nothing fussy.


    Just enough to feelfy and rxed in a way that invites you toe in and lounge your cares away.


    It¡¯s peaceful and feels like home, even though I¡¯m a stranger within its walls.


    It¡¯s no surprise I like it though; one thing I found when making the club gorgeous was that Lexi and I


    have a simr taste in d¨¦cor, and we gel well in terms of style. We can argue about most things, but we


    never argued over styling choices.


    I waste no time in sinking into the hot bath and letting my weary bones blend with the water, turning my


    limbs to fluid weightlessness. I exhale with relief at theforting feel of hot liquid overtaking my skin


    as it submerges and slides over all the little marks and grazes littering the surface, cleansing them of


    grime and blood. Stings and nips bing numb as I adjust to the heat and sigh heavily to let all my


    woes go.


    I needed this so badly, just to reset and calm down.


    It smells like rose water, courtesy of the maid no doubt as it¡¯s hardly an Alexi smell, and the bubbles


    surround my face, blocking out all thoughts for a moment as I just revel in this kind of perfection. I use


    my foot to turn the tap off when the water brims to the very highest edges of the bath and just sink,


    allowing my bum to lift off the bottom as I¡¯m suspended, floating in rxation.


    Not that overflow would be an issue with a fully tiled floor and a drain in the centre. There is an open


    shower across from me so I¡¯m guessing this is a wet room and often gets a drenching when he uses it.


    I¡¯m shocked he has a tub at all as he does not seem the type to use one.


    I allow myself to float for a bit, lifting my bum up enough to feel as though I¡¯m being carried on a cloud


    of bubbles, and close my eyes. So overwrought and anxious inside still, even if it¡¯s deep and not so


    apparent and I try to let it go as my body unfurls.


    All the stress and emotion that was overwhelming me seeps out from my body and drifts away. I only


    wish my mind would follow suit and I try to nk out the many thoughts and feelings still tormenting


    one another in the background, causing the twisted tight feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like my


    insides are on a wash cycle and I know it¡¯s down to the fear of how he will be when he arrives, even if


    I¡¯m not actively pondering it now.


    I stare at the ceiling, submerged to my temples and ears and let myself lie out straight so I¡¯m fully


    suspended in the hot bubbles, far from touching the sides, even if I cannot let my mind flow so easily


    into rxation. I close my eyes, exhale slowly so my body and face sink into the water andpletely


    submerge myself to blot the world out. Like slipping into another dimension, or through clouds


    peacefully to another world below. I just disappear from the surface without barely a trace.


    My ageless method of truly trying to let it go for a few minutes.


    Sinking to the bottom gracefully until the hard base catches me from my floating realm, letting it all go,


    and focusing on the steady beat of my heart. My mind distracted with keeping my breath. The noise of


    the water pressure in my ears always did the trick for me when I was young and needed an escape. It¡¯s


    hard for your mind to keep fretting when your bodyunches into survival mode and focuses on not


    drowning as you stay in the depths for as long as your lungs can handle.


    I always used this when I couldn¡¯t find relief any other way. I stay under for as long as my lungs allow;


    until they burn and my throat aches with the need to inhale. I let my hands and legs do as they please,


    just motionless, blocking out everything while I listen to that loud bubbling pressure around me and it


    blots all my woes and troubles out.


    Just bubbles, heartbeat and weightlessness. Caught in a timeless watery world where stress gives me


    a little respite.


    It¡¯s only a couple of minutes of true freedom and solitude before I push myself up to take a much-


    needed breath, gasping dramatically because I pushed myself to the utter brink of not being able to


    breathe like I always did. Lungs burning with the effort. I swipe the water, diluted makeup and bubbles


    off my face with my hands, sliding it back over my head to smooth my drenched hair t. Inhaling and


    gasping the oxygen I was depriving myself. Sitting up, pulling my knees up to steady myself and


    revelling in the after-effects of my self-levelling therapy technique. Feeling calmer and refreshed


    somehow.


    ¡°You still do that?¡± The voice makes me jump, body flinching, and I scramble to cover my breasts with


    my palms, looking towards the uninvited figure propped against the door frame. Heart almost ripping


    out of my rib cage in fright when my blurry vision settles on a foreboding body in ck. Stifling a yelp


    with the sudden shock of his appearance.


    ¡®Alexi! You scared me.¡¯ I gasp, as all warmth leaves my body and my blood once again runs cold with


    impending terror.


    Alexi is watching me, looking extremely serious and unreadable with a straight brow, standing casually


    with his shoulder wedged in the frame and leaning in as though it¡¯s keeping him upright. Nothing


    obvious in his manner but he isn¡¯t as smoothed out, tailored and smart as normal. His clothes are a


    little ruffled, his hair unruly in its styling and a darkness in his eyes that send the fear of God through


    me.


    I¡¯m very aware of my naked, vulnerable state and pull bubbles in to cover me up while I face him.


    Scrambling for calm andpletely unnerved under that prative gaze.


    ¡°Do what?¡± I blurt in reply to his question, to break the intense way he is pinning me with a loaded look,


    shocked at his sudden arrival and back to nervous and breathless as my heart rate explodes. A little


    frantic with the unexpectedness of his appearance and still reeling from that.


    ¡°Drowning yourself to escape reality.¡± He smirks at his description of it and reminds me it was


    something else he would have read in those damn journals. My method of escape.


    I hate that he knows everything like that.


    He seems odd. Not quite his normal smug self and yet not seething mad like he was earlier, and it just


    ups my nerves because I simply cannot read this mood at all. It¡¯s weird and almost resigned in a way.


    All my rm bells instantly singing out loud and it just adds to the weight of my anxiety around him.


    ¡°Another ten seconds I would have dragged you out of there. Wasn¡¯t sure if you were escaping or


    committing suicide. I can never tell when it¡¯s you and me.¡± He pushes off from the door, that sarcastic


    comment biting me cruelly and walks in to perch his arse on the end of the bath at my feet, where he


    leans forward and rests his elbow on his legs without much of a look towards me as he does so.


    I look down into the water, eyes smarting at his words and unable to meet his. Bruised with how he


    reminded me of that attempt and a little hurt he would say it in such a way. I suddenly feel feeble, and


    all my Cami fire takes a run and jumps out the window. I sit stiffly and try not to over analyse his


    posture or his cool manner.


    He is still in the same sweats and t-shirt from earlier and looks only slightly dustypared to how


    filthy I was. Although, I spot the reddening marks on his knuckles and slight bruising from this angle,


    and shiver at knowing exactly how he got them. It¡¯s more than punching one man one time in his throat


    would cause and I guess they found the other one.


    Alexi would not be here already if they hadn¡¯t. Knowing him, the guy is tied up in some warehouse


    somewhere while his most trusted interrogate the life out of him. Alexi only asionally does it himself


    from what I have heard, but I can guarantee his knuckles are evidence of him taking his fury for me out


    on someone else. It¡¯s why he¡¯s calmer. He had his outlet, and that puts me in a better position and less


    likely a target for that much high energy aggression. That¡¯s a blessing in itself.


    ¡°Funny.¡± I nce up at him warily, no real amusement in my tone and stay in my upright perched


    position, pulling more bubbles towards me to use as a covering so I don¡¯t need to keep my hands on


    my breasts. Aware that any other person invading while I was in a bath would outrage me, but it


    doesn¡¯t even cross my mind with him. He¡¯s had me naked, seen me so, and this doesn¡¯t feel like an


    invasion or crossing of a line. In a way, I¡¯m d he just sprung on me, so I didn¡¯t have time to n and


    torture myself for his arrival. This way is like a ripping a band-aid off. Although I might need a bigger


    one after he is done.


    He turns his head and watches me for a second. I can feel his gaze, then he looks at the floor and


    away from me too. Both of us suddenly unsure, awkward and unable to look at each other. It just


    heightens the tense atmosphere and my heart sinks to the hard base of the bath. Deting me more.


    I can already tell all that anger and hostility has majorly subsided, and he just seems very distant and


    weirdly aloof.


    I don¡¯t like it.


    When he is like this you, just can¡¯t get a read on what he is thinking or feeling. You don¡¯t know if he is


    pissed off, tired, or what. Just closed off and the energy is buzzing but not with his explosive side.


    It makes me feel worse, not better and I would rather he stormed in to deliver a chastising. It¡¯s what I


    expected and waited for and now theck of it has me overly suspicious. Mind going into overdrive.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I wasn¡¯t thinking. I overreacted, I acted stupidly.¡± I blurt it out nervously, pressured by his


    oddness to apologise, to make this right as thoughts of calm before the storm in the past weigh on me


    heavily. He just shrugs and picks at his thumbnail with his other hand.


    It¡¯s not one of his mannerisms and even though it should bepletely insignificant, it¡¯s not. To me, it¡¯s


    Alexi behaving outside his normal and a signal that we are not okay by a long shot. He is not okay, and


    all this is NOT okay. I feel sick again, nausea swirling up as my insides tighten with that heaviness of


    dread so intense, I struggle to swallow or breathe.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say anymore, Cam ¡­ us ¡­ this ¡­¡± He inhales heavily, fixes his eyes on his


    shoes and then shrugs again. A defeated tone, his body sagging slightly, and I stare at his gorgeous


    profile and try to dig a meaning out of that. Clinging to him visually. Desperate for him to snap out of it


    and maybe just¡ªsnap.


    I know how to deal with angry and explosive. I don¡¯t know how to deal with this.


    ¡°What about us?¡± I manage to swallow a sudden huge lump in my throat with a bit of effort, my gut


    telling me this isn¡¯t good and sit forward slightly. Stiffer, heart beating faster as though I can sense this


    is about to get worse.


    ¡°It¡¯s not working, is it? Nothing I do or say; it won¡¯t fix it.¡± He drops his hands between his knees, lowers


    his head and runs his fingers through his hair in agitation, scratching his scalp for a second before


    sitting up properly and I just hold my breath. A little shell-shocked by this response to getting here. I


    expected a tornado or a pissed Carrero with punishment on his mind. Not this calm, quiet version who


    seems like he has just had enough.


    Of me.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± I ask shakily, my nerves jumping around inside my stomach and my heartbeat


    starts bouncing out of my chest, banging against my rib cage erratically. Pain splicing me deep down


    as my senses piece his words together. A horrible sense of foreboding turning into a full-blown panic


    attack.


    ¡°You fight me at every turn. Rebel, disobey and almost get yourself killed. You don¡¯t want this and no


    amount of me trying hard will change that. You¡¯re never going to forgive me, never going to trust me


    and you are sure as hell never going to love me the way I love you. I know when something is dead. I


    promised you the club and you can have it. All of it. Take it. I¡¯m done. I¡¯d rather you were alive and safe


    away from me than dead because I was too stupid to let you go.¡±


    He soundspletely defeated as the words flow smoothly from that devil¡¯s tongue to stab me in the


    chest over and over. My body hit all at once with the shrapnel of excruciating, slicing and biting mini


    bullets. I literally gawp at him, but he doesn¡¯t even nce at me, just pushes himself up, turns on his


    heel after that shocking statement and walks out of the bathroom away from me. Strong purposeful


    strides, right out the door before I even get a chance to say anything to him.


    It was thest thing I expected, and it triggers instant anger inside me, fuelled by my extreme


    heartache. A bubblingva pit of rage and hurt, heart shattering but pride picking up a piece because


    she¡¯s going to stab him in the face with it for doing this to me.


    ¡°Hell NO!!! Don¡¯t you walk away from me.¡± I yell after him, hauling arse out of the tub so water and


    bubbles spill everywhere dramatically, sloshing all over the floor in a crescendo of noise; dragging the


    robe on over my sodden body and twist out my hair to dump the excess water on the floor. Stomping


    my naked feet on the slippery surface I follow him like a bat out of hell. Forgetting all fear and all


    humble apologies when he just pressed my red ignite button and has the nerve to walk off mid-


    conversation.


    This is not some minor detail he can brush off. This is my heart, my soul and the rest of my goddamn


    life hanging in the bnce.


    I catch up with him as he wanders across the bedroom to the door, ignoring mepletely. That


    stubborn high and mighty walk of a guy who knows he¡¯s in the shit and I literally have to control the


    urge to push him over, t on his face. Anger and the need to hurt him in somehow because it¡¯s exactly


    what he¡¯s doing to me. I have a growing, swelling balloon of ¡®arghh¡¯ expanding inside of me and it just


    switches on that hell hath no fury venom in me.


    ¡°You are a fucking liar and a bloody coward!¡± I shout at him, tearfully enraged, angry and so fucking


    distraught all in one. Bubbling over, pouring my hot, spicy fury all over the ce and leaving wet


    footprints on the polished floor. He stops in his tracks, turns his head and res at me angrily.


    ¡°Liar?? You know, for the record, I haven¡¯t touched a single woman, not in any sexual or inappropriate


    way, except you, since that night they tried to take you from me in the club. Not even one! Because of


    you fucking with my head and making it impossible to want anyone else. I haven¡¯t lied to you either,


    about anything, since I brought you back for a second chance because I couldn¡¯t even if I wanted to. I


    wanted you to trust me. So, liar, no. Not about anything. Whether you believe me or not, it¡¯s a fact.¡± It¡¯s


    the hoarse tone and the utter devastation that pushes through in his furious expression that breaks me


    further. So much inside of me bubbling to the surface, and how dare he walk the fuck away and tell me


    he¡¯s done with us after everything he has put me through.


    He doesn¡¯t get to just walk away from me in that way. He can¡¯t. I need him.


    ¡°Yes, you are! You say you love me, will do anything to keep me and yet here you are, walking the fuck


    away. That¡¯s not love. You¡¯re giving up on me because I¡¯m hard work. Because I make mistakes. What


    about the mistakes you¡¯ve made, huh? You don¡¯t fucking deserve me if that¡¯s the case, no man does. If


    you loved me, you would fight to the goddamn end for me, no matter how hard I can be. That¡¯s what


    love is!¡± I blurt it out, voice cracking as tears clog my throat. Hating on him viciously, in disbelief that he


    is leaving me this way after everything he said. He promised he would do anything to keep me, yet he¡¯s


    bailing like everyone else in my life has done. Discarding me with the trash instead of fighting for me.


    Reconfirming I¡¯m the worthless nothing my mother always told me I was.


    If someone as fucked up as Alexi cannot even stick with me, then what hope is there for me?


    He made me believe I was worth more to him than this and I did ¡­ I believed it.


    Alexi instantly looks enraged, frowning, jaw tightening to severe chiselled proportions and that tiny


    clenched flicker. That hint of fierce anger peeks up again. Rounding on me so we are face to face,


    bearing down with intimidating height and muscle as I stand half covered and barefoot while dripping all


    over the floor and struggle to pull the robe over wet limbs to tie it shut.


    ¡°That¡¯s bullshit. I¡¯m walking away because I want to protect you, nothing else. I know when I should


    give up and when all I¡¯m doing is putting you in danger. Don¡¯t hit me with this crap, Cam. I would


    fucking die for you; you have no idea how deep my feelings for you go. You¡¯re ingrained in me, my


    thoughts, my feeling and my dreams. None of that will make you love me though. I will never stop


    wanting you, but I love you enough to let you go. Even knowing I will spend my life broken without you.¡±


    Alexi, for the first time ever, sounds like he might just break too. Real emotion in his voice, the tone full


    of hurt, and a raspy shake to his voice as his eyes mist over. It just makes my own tears burst out. That


    genuine raw, vulnerable emotioning from him breaks me into a thousand sharp and gnarly pieces


    which twist me inside out.


    Tears building and heart breaking. I want so badly to just scream at him, tell myself this is what I


    expected, and he isn¡¯t worth my time or my heartache, but I can¡¯t. I need him too. I can¡¯t let him walk


    away in defeat and never see where this could go. He loves me. He really does and he is offering me


    everything I ever wanted.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare do that. Say all this to me when your intentions are to leave me and walk away. You


    told me you would always look after me!¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t today proof of why I should? Look at us. We¡¯re vtile and fucked up, and we bring out the worst


    in each other. You could have died, Cam. I have never felt fear like that in all my life. Thinking I wouldn¡¯t


    get to you in time. It scared the shit out of me, and I can¡¯t do that again. I can¡¯t put you in that kind of


    danger, I couldn¡¯t live with myself if something happened to you.¡± He rubs his face, pushing away


    frustrations, pain and visible emotions, antsy and restless because this is as hard for him as it is me. I


    just stare at him hopelessly, cradling my body and shivering from the dampness still gracing my skin as


    it bothers me and adds to my fragile mood.


    ¡°Today was a lot of things. Stupid knee-jerk reactions fuelled by jealousy and a broken heart. I thought


    you were betraying me all over again.¡± I sigh dejectedly, trying so hard to make him see sense; afraid


    that he really means to end this and hating him for it. My words just seem to piss him off even more.


    ¡°How many times? I¡¯m trying to prove to you that I¡¯m not going to hurt you again. I changed for you; I¡¯m


    trying for you! Everything I do, Cam, it¡¯s for you!¡± He erupts, not in temper but a snap of raw hurt at my


    lack of faith in him. Eyes boring back into mine under furrowed brows and aplete look of


    exasperation.


    ¡°I know. Do you think I would be standing here if I believed you cheated on me? I calmed down, I


    thought about it and I realised what an arsehole I was. It¡¯s why I went outside. I was afraid of what you


    might to do to me after I realised how wrong I was and how stupid I acted. I was afraid you would


    punish me and how much that would end us. I didn¡¯t want us to end.¡± Ites out in an exasperated


    rush of words, not really doing a good job of exining all the emotion and thoughtlessness that went


    through me today, just so desperate to have him change his mind.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    ¡°Jesus Christ! This is exactly what I¡¯m talking about.¡± He snaps again, temper riling and instead of


    understanding me I just seem to make him madder.


    ¡°Punish you? What have I been saying repeatedly? Everything I know about you, everything I¡¯m trying


    to prove to you, and you think I would still do things I admitted I regret? I WON¡¯T FUCKING HURT


    YOU! I would never do the things I did again. I learned my lesson!¡± He yells it at me, loudly, and despite


    myself, I flinch.


    ¡°This right here, this is what I mean when I say you will never forgive me, never trust me, never believe


    I can be someone else for you and you will never love me the way I love you. It¡¯s pointless.¡±


    His outburst triggers one of my own, igniting so much inside of me that my simmer pops and my boiling


    pot explodes right in his face. In sheer exasperation at how dense and thick-skulled he can be, I snap


    right back.


    ¡°Who says I don¡¯t love you; youplete fucking idiot of a man?¡± It¡¯s yelled hysterically, tearfully,


    stubbornly, feeling exposed and vulnerable but just so exasperated that he cannot see the feelings


    behind all my insecurities and actions.


    He¡¯s walking away because he thinks my actions are down to never being able to feel any trust or love


    for him. They are in fact, the exact opposite. He rips me up and chews me to shreds because he has


    owned my soul all along. I couldn¡¯t love him more than this if I tried, and nothing he has ever done has


    managed to kill the way I feel about him. Even when I wanted so badly to hate him.


    I¡¯m seething mad that he is so blind to it and stupid sometimes. Walking away because he thinks I¡¯m


    rebelling, instead of realising I¡¯m just afraid to let him see how weak I am for him.


    Complete fucking knobhead.

 Chapter 165

    Chapter 165


    ¡°Why do you think I react so badly when you hurt me? Why I run when I think you might do something


    to make me want to leave you? I¡¯m scared because you can hurt me in ways no one has ever had the


    ability to do. And you don¡¯t even need to touch me to do it. I act like an idiot because of how I feel about


    you!¡±


    He just stands stock still and stares at me as though I have two heads, or he didn¡¯t quite hear me


    correctly. Both of us feet apart, motionless and he just continues to lock those eyes on me for what


    seems like the longest time. Prating my skull as that clever brain ticks and turns over whatever he


    is thinking about. A return to deadpan, calm and still. Temper evaporating away to nothing. He reverts


    inside his own head and simmers to a deathly silence in the quietness of the room.


    ¡°Do you?¡± It¡¯s soft, unsure, and I can almost taste the apprehension and fear in those two little words.


    The same fear from the night he first told me he loved me.


    The way my heart constricted and crumbled, and I couldn¡¯t breathe with the terror of what those words


    could do to me. Only in this case, it¡¯s theck of them that is killing him. He wants them so badly. My


    little lost boying out and showing face. The deepest part of him that truly needs eptance.


    It¡¯s now or never; I have to take a leap or just let him leave. Tears pouring down my face in ce of


    scowls and hatred, I realise I need to stop hiding or I will lose him. He wants to protect me and leaving


    me is his n if I don¡¯t admit that I do.


    ¡°Why would I be here if I didn¡¯t? Why would I havee back? Why would I have stayed? You never


    gave any sane woman a reason to try again, so I was eitherpletely stupid to let you drag me back


    ¡­ or ¡­¡± I shiver as I say it to him, knowing I¡¯m exposing all of me by admitting this. Giving him back a


    power he once held and knowing he can wound my heart all over again if he wanted to. It¡¯s a leap of


    faith and hope.


    My heart is telling me he won¡¯t abuse my trust this time. My need to stop him leaving is battling all the


    red alerts and ¡®don¡¯t do it¡¯ right out of me. Maybe in order to trust him, I need to have a little faith in


    myself to just let go and stop dangling over the precipice.


    ¡°Say it. I need you to say it if it¡¯s what you feel. You came back because ¡­¡± Alexi¡¯s voice is softer than


    mine now, eyes devouring me and there is so much within them; longing, a need to be loved that I


    know only too well. It¡¯s mirrored in me every time I look at my reflection. Lonely little children who just


    want to be the centre of someone else¡¯s world.


    Two broken souls who have yearned to truly belong to someone in some real way. Something


    unconditional, while knowing the worst of you and not letting it stop them, anyway. Seeing your ws


    and shrugging them away as unimportant. Seeing your worth. Something we have both wanted and


    needed our whole lives. Something we can give to each other now.


    I hesitate, fear choking me so much I close my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek. Trembling


    because it¡¯s a choice I have to make¡ªhonesty, and the wallse down. I have no more defences


    against him, and from here on in we try to do this and mean it. Or lie and keep my safety intact and


    he walks away from me, leaves me financially stable butpletely alone.


    A life without him in it. That¡¯s not a life I want. Even if this way is terrifying me to the core.


    ¡°Be honest. Have faith in me and give me the chance to prove to you I can give you the world. Treat


    you like you deserve and never give you a reason to run, ever again.¡±


    His words dig into my heart, through my soul and hurt me on so many levels. Wrenching the deepest


    parts of me open, and I can¡¯t keep a grip on the locks of my internal doors anymore. Moving closer to


    me, all signs of anger dissipating as he focuses softer eyes on mine and hems me in with his sheer


    size. Breaking me down because I¡¯m hopeless for him.


    ¡°I love you. I never stopped.¡± I say it as a ghost of a whisper, closing my eyes tight to block him out, so


    petrified of saying the words again but needing so badly to do so, they just slip out. Trying to forget the


    pain of the first time I trusted him with this part of me. Exposing my weakness for him and knowing he


    has the power to make me put a gun to my own head.


    I know he heard me.


    The sudden invasion of his warmth right in front of me, his body moving in close as his fingers trace the


    tears on my cheek; I blink my eyes open to find him standing so near his nose almost touches mine.


    His eyes are zed with real emotion, the frown is gone, and he just looks incredibly young and unsure


    so suddenly. A hint of joy but so clouded with uncertainty. His other handes to mine and he


    inteces our fingers before pulling my palm to his chest and ttening it over his thudding heart.


    Pulling me closer so we share air. My body instantly electrified from his proximity and I¡¯m overwhelmed


    with tingles and butterflies.


    ¡°Do you mean that?¡± He sounds different. Vulnerable, soft and low. Nothing like the man he can be,


    and I know he is as scared as me at this moment. It¡¯s odd to feel it reverberating from him as I never


    imagined anything in the world could phase Mr cool and indestructible. I can feel it though, his fear


    pulsating in time with mine.


    I nod, unable to say it again or tear my eyes from those endlessly pale doors to another dimension. The


    guardians of my soul. Alexi¡¯s facepletely changes, and I get to see for the first time what a happy


    Alexi looks like when he isn¡¯t guarding himself. He smiles; full-on Hollywood, dimples and all and those


    eyes sparkle with it, changing his whole demeanour and expression to an infectious high.


    He looks devastating like this and I know it¡¯s not even close to Mafia King at all. This is my Alexi, no


    one else gets to see him this way.


    ¡®I love you, London. More than you will ever know. I have never felt the way I feel about you with


    anyone¡¯


    It¡¯s all he utters before leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips, my heart bursting like a firework at


    his touch, sinking against him greedily, my body moulding to his and pulling all the necessary warmth,


    longing and joy back from him into my cold limbs, taking what I need from him.


    A kiss to wipe away thest twenty-four hours. To feel his strong body against me and his mouth on


    mine. He knows how to make me feel safe, he always did, and I need it now more than ever. When I


    feel at my most vulnerable with him, he needs to help me ovee that with his own skills at making


    me secure. Just as he is doing now, wiping all the tears and misery away with the gentlest of touches,


    feeding my craving for his intimacy and touch.


    I lift my fingers and trace his jawline gently, scratchy stubble on soft tips, deliciously perfect. Needing


    this more than air as he pulls away.


    I pull my fingers out of his hand, move back to put space between us and step back properly. My


    mindset on what I need to do to take thatst step in being his and proving to him that he is what I


    want, and I¡¯m willing to take a leap of faith to keep him. That trust maybe isn¡¯tplete, but I want to


    keep going down that path to fully believing in him. He didn¡¯t turn on me after everything that happened


    today. He didn¡¯t even explode at me for it, and I know that for him that¡¯s a massive change to how he


    was before.


    Alexi watches me, confused by the sudden movement but he doesn¡¯t follow or say anything. Sensing I


    have something to say or that I need space and just remains still and steadfast in staring at me. Eyes


    still twinkling and his whole manner seems lighter and brighter.


    My insidesbust in a fit of nervous energy and I take a steadying breath to try to dull the tension


    that consumes me. I slide shaking hands up my robe and push it off my shoulders, so it slips down and


    pools at my feet on the floor, leaving me standing before himpletely naked. Body shivering with the


    residue of my bath and the damp robe, but I know I won¡¯t be cold for long.


    I nce up shyly, despite always being confident in my own skin with everyone else in the world.


    Hesitant, trembling and then push down all my nerves and find that inner queen I know is there. Lifting


    my chin defiantly, I lock my eyes on his beautiful ones and squash all the fears inside.


    He looks at me in a way that removes all doubt that could ever cross my mind about what he feels.


    Alexi¡¯s adoration shines through at me with that sexy smile and intense gaze.


    ¡°I know you won¡¯t touch me unless I ask you to. I know you won¡¯t physically hurt me because you


    promised me, and I believe that you meant it. I know you love me. I have felt it and seen it and standing


    here now I don¡¯t doubt it anymore. If you walk away and leave me, I¡¯ll never survive, Lexi. I love you


    and I want this to work. I want to be with you.¡± I swallow hard, aware I¡¯m not as brave as I appear and


    still fighting myself on taking this step. It¡¯s huge. Symbolic for me and I know once I do this I can¡¯t go


    backwards. I¡¯m jumping back in with two feet and cementing ¡®us¡¯ for all time.


    He never breaks his visual hold on my eyes, not even flicking away to check me out while I stare right


    at him.


    I push everything aside and focus only on how much I want him. I need him too.


    ¡°I may notpletely trust you, but trust exists in here, and I¡¯m willing to let it grow. Don¡¯t give up on


    me.¡± I lift a little higher, pausing and looking away to his chest, letting his eyes scan all of me as he


    stands motionless, listening, watching, taking it in and analysing me with that quick brain. I get nothing


    from him, even when he slides his gaze down over my naked breasts and curves andes slowly


    back up to lock on mine with a heavy look that prates my soul. The smile faded away, but he still


    has a joyous aura surrounding him.


    ¡°I will never give up on you. If you want this, then you will never get rid of me again. I swear. I¡¯m in this


    for the long haul, London.¡±


    Alexi is as beautiful as the first time I everid eyes on him, maybe more so. Standing here assured


    that my life and future lies with this man. All the doubts lift their heavy weight from my shoulders and


    that inner me unfurls and holds out her shaking hand, nervous butpletely certain.


    ¡°Good. Now take your clothes off, get over here and make love to me. It¡¯s about time we stopped


    fucking around and got down to the real business.¡± I smirk as I say it. Hardly a sweet romantic


    seduction, but one thing I have learned is that I need to find my backbone with him.


    He is a bossy shithead at the best of times, and he will never do full-blown romance. He clearly likes a


    dominant woman even when he acts like he hates it and needs one to keep him in hand. No feeble girl


    would put up with his mood swings or his bullshit or have the nerve to face him when in full-blown


    psycho mode.


    No one except me.


    I was made to deal with this arrogant arse.


    I need to remember that when dealing with him.


    Alexi breaks into the most gorgeous unguarded and carefree smile that almost instantly turns me to


    mush. All doubt and worry melt from that face and those dimples almost end me.


    Too sexy to be true.


    ¡°As you wish.¡±


    He takes hold of the hem of his shirt and in one sweeping motion pulls it up over his head and free from


    that luscious body, exposing tanned traceable lines of muscles. Those endless ck ink tattoos from


    knuckles to shoulders and up one side of his neck across deliciously wless skin. Glorious eye candy


    and he doesn¡¯t stop there. He kicks off his trainers and bends, swooping down and giving me that


    delightful view of the tattoos that sweep onto his shoulder des in an equally sexy manner as he pulls


    off his socks and straightens to strip. The sweats get tossed aside and so do the butt-hugging boxers


    until he is stood as naked as I am. No hesitation whatsoever, nothing but a smile.


    Alexi is not body shy anyway and try as I might to not directly stare down at his ample package, I have


    to take a reminder peek. Even not fully erect it¡¯s enough to make my knees tremble. Reminders of what


    that important piece of his body can do to mine. Admiring himpletely.


    I¡¯m caught off guard by a new tattoo on his chest that stops me in my tracks as my eyes do a second


    sweep, and I double take, putting my hand up as he steps to me, blinking in disbelief at what I see. An


    instant catch of my breath.


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± I lock a prating gaze and a pointer finger on what looks like a dandelion head with


    some tiny seeds flying free on the breeze towards his shoulder. A delicate stem curling into a C and


    flowy script writing inside the shape it makes.


    It says Cami.


    Sat right over his pec and off to the side of his heart to nestle snuggly. cker and more prominent


    than his others so I guess it¡¯s fairly recent and still looks raised as though it is healing. He nces


    down as I study it, my heart and eyes brimming to overflow, touched with an intensity so deep it¡¯s


    physically painful. It wasn¡¯t therest time I saw him topless, the night I had sex with him, so it¡¯s most


    definitely recent.


    ¡°A tattoo.¡± He points out nkly then throws me a cheeky smile and an eyebrow raise that says


    ¡®obviously¡¯. Unapologetic for a romantic gesture he didn¡¯t admit to having. He never mentioned it at all.


    ¡°When? Why?¡± I sniff as those dratted tears bubble over, suddenly ovee, and he looks down at it


    again. Seemingly underwhelmed even though it¡¯s his and just shrugs one shoulder boyishly.


    ¡°Couple days ago, because why not? You¡¯re mine even if you didn¡¯t agree. I wanted you with me


    always.¡± It¡¯s the youthful him from the bolthole, smiling almost shyly as I examine his new addition,


    reaching out to touch it and gently trace my fingers over the raised bumps and crusted scabs as it


    heals, careful not to hurt him. So many inner feelings consuming me. Ovee with just how often he


    pulls the rug out from under me.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel about his choice of tattoo or that my name is etched on his skin forever. I¡¯m so


    crazily overwhelmed all I can do is stare and gawp, churned up in so many good ways. My heart aching


    with pure feeling.


    ¡°You¡¯re an idiot.¡± I sniff, sounding pathetic, but I don¡¯t mean it. I¡¯m blown away, so touched he would do


    this for me, and it just adds fuel to my desire to make this official.


    He maybe isn¡¯t conventionally soft and gooey but his heart beats strong for me and this is anotheryer


    of proof. I don¡¯t need choctes and flowers when he carves my name into his chest for all eternity


    instead.


    He walks forward, closing the gap between us and cups my face delicately, lifting my chin as he moves


    in and ces us forehead to forehead, lightly touching, before trailing those fingertips down the


    sensitive skin of my throat. My attention back on him as Ipletely turn to jelly at his touch. He


    follows the lines of my body, skimming across one breast and igniting goosebumps, until he sends my


    nipple into an orgasm of tingles. Distracting me from my upset and I forget all about his tattoo in the


    heated moment.


    ¡°I would have to be to want to tie myself to you for a lifetime, little hellcat.¡± He gives me that wicked


    smirk of his and I just shake my head at him in amusement, not even fazed by his unromantic sweet


    talk. I would expect nothing else from him.


    I stand still, mesmerised with the way he is taking his time and making me feel like a goddess with


    gentle caresses, his hands smoothing down and over my skin gently, attending to every curve and line.


    Igniting a desire so strong the hunger warms my body quickly. Exploding sensations as he trails across


    and around and over me and cups my arse cheeks before squeezing them lightly and pulling me


    against him carefully.


    He makes me feel small and fragile against his bulky muscr body. Tiny and delicate especially with


    how carefully he touches me, eyes on me and breaths as shallow as mine.


    Soft gentle strokes across my body and breasts, enjoying his freedom to touch me as he pleases. His


    eyes following his progress before leaning in to kiss me equally carefully. He¡¯s moving slowly, being


    deliberately gentle and precise while running his hands and fingers over me until I cannot take it


    anymore. Working me into a deliberate frenzy so it excites us both into heightened longing. The


    evidence of his erection growing between us and just adds to my horn levels as it presses against my


    pelvis. Throbbing in unison.


    A seduction of touch and agonising when you haven¡¯t gotid in quite a while.


    I¡¯m close to selfbusting and wrap my arms around his neck to haul him against me impatiently.


    Burying my fingers in his hair and pushing my nails against his scalp gently to urge him on. Pulling his


    mouth to mine for a more passionate kiss that involves tongues and nibbles on those delicious lips.


    Letting myself go fully and egging him on.


    Alexi locks lips on me firmly, then breaks into a grin when I edge my pelvis against him suggestively,


    pressing hard and pushing my breasts against his ttened palm.


    ¡°You said you wanted romance.¡± He reminds me and I just shrug with a serious look across my face.


    Amused that of all the times he decides to listen to my requests, it¡¯s when my brain takes a dive and


    my vagina sings for attention.


    ¡°I also want you to hurry up and just get it on ¡­ sooo.¡± I giggle in time to his softugh as I butt my


    body against him suggestively, suddenly flowering in this new confidence bubbling up inside me. The


    knowledge of knowing this is real. I¡¯m what he wants. No games, no lies, no maniption.


    N?velDrama.Org: text ? owner.


    BOB may need to find a new fuck buddy now.


    ¡°You¡¯re beautiful.¡± It¡¯s uttered softly, bringing the fun back to intense but has the same effect as a


    calming stroke, and I¡¯m lulled into that wispy, warm, fuzziness again as he bends down and scoops me


    up into his arms like a bride to be. Body delicately lifted against him, cradling me into his naked chest


    and strong arms and I wrap myself around him further. Nuzzling his neck and jawline and nting soft


    kisses until I meet his mouth. Taking what I want from him freely with no rejection. He kisses me back.


    Alexi carries me the short distance to the bed andys me down steadily, never breaking away, before


    bracing himself over me. Climbing on and nuzzling himself against my body, my legs opening to ept


    him. We slot together snugly, bodies touching in so many pleasurable ways, but he doesn¡¯t move to


    sex despite his obvious arousal and my less than subtle hints to get on with it already.


    Instead, he releases my lips, kisses my jawline, nibbles, sucks, trails feather light tickles and licks down


    my throat and attends to each of my breasts with the same motions until I arch under him and almost


    beg him to take me. Body on fire with desire, electrified all over and pulsating at the apex of my thighs.


    His hands trail and trace my face and every time he bends to minister another suck to my nipples, he


    comes back to kiss me tenderly, graze noses and give me a heavily loaded look. Taking his time,


    working me up to wanting him more than I can bear. Slow and deliberate, pushing me to fever pitch


    longing as he finds every sensitive inch of me and treats it to kisses or strokes.


    ¡°Alexi, you¡¯re killing me already.¡± I groan, and arch again under his attentive sucks and nibbles, trying to


    wrap my arms and legs around him to speed it up, but he just restrains me a little, grins wickedly and


    continues with his slow seduction of my body.


    He moves down the bed, to my feet, to my ankles, my inner thighs. Every part of me except the one


    area I would die to have his tongue inserted into right now, until I¡¯m almost begging him with pelvic


    thrusts. I¡¯m so wet I can feel it around the inner thighs wherever they touch as I move, and the intense


    stomach tightening heat and ache is crawling up my body until I¡¯m panting.


    I need sex, like yesterday.


    He smiles and continues what he¡¯s doing and if I didn¡¯t know better, I would guess he is enjoying the


    way he has me almost begging for it.


    Punishment for all my misdemeanours?


    More ravenous kisses to my throat, jaw, cheek, mouth, nose, and even my eyelids as his fingers inch


    slowly across my abdomen. Making a deliberate point of avoiding the one ce that¡¯s pulsating and


    crying for attention. I¡¯m wriggling crazily, overwhelmed with how much I want him inside me in any way.


    Even his tongue or fingers will suffice to stop the longing wing me inside out. It¡¯s no longer desires


    and heat building, it¡¯s moving to frustration and ¡®fuck me now for fuck¡¯s sake¡¯. I¡¯m almost whining


    childishly, whimpering for attention in one major zone.


    My goddamn vagina!


    ¡°Are you trying to torture me?¡± I ask breathlessly as his hands graze my inner thigh a mere millimetre


    away from my throbbing wetness for the millionth time and I practically thrust myself at it desperately.


    ¡°This is how all those months of being around you felt. It¡¯s a specifically agonising kind of pain don¡¯t you


    think?¡± He grins, that always present edge of sadistic in the depths and I shake my head at him,


    exasperated with the arsehole he can be. Suddenly clicking on why he is taking so long. Gawping a


    little at the sheer nerve of him sometimes.


    He is trying to wind me up as some sort of subtle payback; I guess. For my behaviours thest two


    days and all that happened in thest few hours. Maybe even thest weeks of his pandering and


    efforts.


    Alexi is a prick sometimes.


    He can¡¯t help himself. The need to overpower and punish is strong within him but if this is the extent of


    what he will do to me, if this is the worst, then I can live with that. Sexually teasing me and driving me


    to horrendously horny heights is fine as long as he follows through. Judging by the very hard boner


    sticking in my thigh I¡¯m sure it¡¯s inevitable that he will.


    I know he likes sex as much as I do and well, he¡¯s also winding himself up to crazy levels too.


    Always a wanker amidst the nice. God help me.


    Romantic confessions and tender moments pushed aside so he can still administer some form of


    control, but I¡¯m not even mad. It¡¯s him. It¡¯s what I should expect if I¡¯m to live a life by his side. This is the


    choice I made in epting all of him. The way he will undoubtedly have to ept my crazy green side


    who ups and fires half the staff on a whim because he has pissed me off. Seems like a fair trade to me.


    All my fears and doubts that he would still hold that grudge and use it to find heinous ways to hurt me


    and teach me a lesson, crumble to dust. The realisation that those days are gone, and he will never do


    anything like that again. He won¡¯t cross that line and hurt what we have. He won¡¯t risk losing me.


    This is about as bad as he will get.


    ¡°Take me now or piss off and leave me to do it myself. You are breaching the no punishment rule and I


    have a mind to tell you to F off, you wanker. I have a vibrator that has a tried and tested level of


    satisfaction if you¡¯re going to be a tosser.¡± I raise a haughty brow and smirk with intent, implying I mean


    it. He has me almost turning inside out with the need to be fucked and I don¡¯t care if it¡¯s soft and


    romantic and gentle. I¡¯m practically humping his leg and will go find myself a stand-in BOB if he doesn¡¯t


    do something about it. I¡¯m sure the maid has one somewhere seeing as she doesn¡¯t seem like she


    would have a lover at her age. God, I will even go retrieve a cucumber at this rate.


    Who knows though? These Carrero types all seem to be horn dogs from what I have heard around the


    club.


    ¡°Testy. I like it when you get mad.¡± He looks smugly happy. Satisfied with his own level ofplete


    tosserism.


    Yep, sadist is still in there and aching to be let out to y.

 Chapter 166

    Chapter 166


    I just gaze half amused and raise my brows at him tomunicate my deepck of being impressed.


    He seems to get the hint and relents with a chuckle and a wink.


    Alexi lifts himself over me on his strong muscr arms and gazes at me for a long moment, once again


    stopping the shenanigans and making me even more impatient.


    ¡°You on top.¡± It¡¯s more of a suggestion than an outrightmand, and I frown at him a little before


    moving to change positions without question. Forgetting the whole tosser thing and just eager to get


    him inside me.


    It is a preferred position for me as it makes you feel like a man¡¯s penis is reaching so much further and


    you get to control what¡¯s being done. Not that I think with him it will be needed, although I¡¯m sure it will


    be even more mind-blowing in this new position for us.


    Alexi has never instigated me on top any of the times we had sex and it¡¯s not a coincidence. I was in


    the game long enough to know that dominants like him, with a penchant for bondage and humiliating


    women, never allow a woman to take control of sex at all. Never do they let her get on top and give her


    any sort of power in the games. It¡¯s a dominance thing, all about control and teaching their sub where


    their ce is. Alexi may not be a full-on proper dominant in that scene, but he has those tendencies


    and the alpha male is strong in his DNA.


    On top a woman can choose the intensity, speed, how hard or how long. She can stop and start, move


    and even lead herself to her own orgasm if she desires. It¡¯s a huge thing for someone like him to


    suggest that, right off the bat, I take the lead. He¡¯s a bornmander, and he just handed me his


    crown.


    Alexi showing me I¡¯m his queen, and with me, he¡¯s an equal and no longer trying to control me. My


    heart fills up with the realisation that this is just another hint at how much he is trying to be someone


    else for me. Romantic in his own little ways and affecting changes for only me.


    I get up on my knees, letting him turn and nestle where I have warmed the bed and left it a little damp


    from my wet hair and slide over him to get in position. No hesitation in my new power over him. I just


    act like this is the most natural thing in the world for us while scoping out that sexy body as I move,


    cing hands on his six-pack and stopping to trace out his abs as I climb onto him. Body pulsating with


    need.


    His erection is already standing waiting for me and I guide him slowly inside me effortlessly as I get on,


    so slick from his attention that I basically just move onto him and can nestle right down. Filling me,


    stretching me in ces that have yearned for this, and I groan with the instant pleasure of having him


    inside me again. The perfect fit. It¡¯s a sensation iparable to anything else in life. An inner craving


    that gets instantly fed.


    Alexi could turn me into a sex addict with his equipment and that satisfying, intense throb of being


    completely full in all the right ces. It travels right up to my inner stomach and makes every part of me


    tingle crazily.


    I exhale as thest few millimetres slide into me, my arse nestles on himfortably and I slowly move


    my hips forward and back into an easy slide to feel him out. Instant satisfaction at just being joined


    again. That pleasurable wave consuming my pelvis and lower abdomen and twirls up inside of me like


    a serpent.


    Alexi¡¯s hands slide up my body and he palms my breasts, both at the same time, searing heat of those


    large, hot hands, eyes devouring me as he does so, and I¡¯m left feelingpletely worshipped.


    That craving bursts into a full-blown spasm of pleasure and my eyes instantly snap shut amid moans I


    cannot contain as I rock and grind on him. Alexi¡¯s hands skim across my chest and back down as I


    move, beforeing to nestle on my hips, helping me find my rhythm as I ride him slowly.


    My hands are t on his chest as I rock and glide my body and bring myself to heightened pleasure


    with every thrust. I don¡¯t even try to conceal how good this feels. Moans and low rumbles from deep


    inside me as I bite on my lip and try not to bang him like a sex deprived crazy woman just to reach


    climax quickly. I want to savour and enjoy every second of this. I forgot how he feels in this way when


    it¡¯s not mad chaotic sex like the night I thought he died.


    Alexi is letting me have full control and surrendering himself to me fully with no interference. Keeping


    his hands loose on my waist so I¡¯m the one deciding on the speed of movement. It feels amazing.


    A man who puts importance in using sex to manipte, control and punish is giving me the reins and


    letting me fly. It¡¯s the biggest way he could show me that this is not what I feared it would be when it


    finally happened. He isn¡¯t using this power to control me again. He is giving me the lead in sex, so I


    always know I¡¯ll be safe with him this way. When I¡¯m at my most vulnerable, he is letting me control


    what we are doing for the safety I desperately need to feel secure with him.


    He¡¯s making me trust him when I¡¯m at my most unsure.


    It¡¯s as huge as telling me he loves me all over again and I start to cry softly as my body builds to a


    crescendo of intensity, suddenly overwhelmed in all my senses and unable to stop it. It just leaks out of


    me from nowhere and I get so instantly emotional I cannot stop.


    ¡°Hey, what is it?¡± He stops the motion of us and leans up, using his elbow to prop to a half sitting


    position while the other handes to wipe away my tears, stilling me, and we sit motionless. His abs


    more prominent like this as I focus on them with a slightly embarrassed blush creeping over me. My


    body tingling and heated to the core, prime to explode in climax, but my emotions seem to just dissolve


    me into a mess, and as the waves of a growing orgasm fade, I look at him tearfully, sniffing back the


    tears as my heart feels fit to bursting.


    ¡°Nothing. You just ¡­ this is real. This is something ¡­ we¡¯re really doing this.¡± I blurt out, wiping my face


    and feeling stupid that I had this kind of epic revtion while fucking the man I have longed to have for


    weeks. I have turned into aplete sap and it¡¯s embarrassing. It¡¯s like my brain just had an epiphany


    of huge proportions that we are no longer just dating; we are in love, we are a real thing, a couple, an


    item, a something.


    I have a someone.


    Me¡ªlittle unwanted Lisa.


    One who has seen and knows the deepest, darkest awful parts of me and yet, here he is. It didn¡¯t faze


    him in any way. He¡¯s not going anywhere. He epts me in all my scarred and ugly dark glory.


    ¡°d you finally caught onto that.¡± It¡¯s a smirk, a wickedly cheeky one that breaks my tearful episode


    instantly and reces it with a giggle instead. He¡¯s good at knowing how to swing my mood with a


    sentence, even if it¡¯s usually on the negative end and he¡¯s being a smart-arse dickhead.


    Guess he knows me better than I thought.


    ¡°Maybe you should finish the job and remind me what it is about your skills I have been missing. I¡¯m all


    for being your master in bed, but right now, I need you to just take the lead and remind me what it is


    about you that first made me want you.¡± I raise a brow and a watery happy smile, handing over the


    baton and giving him permission to be himself. Needing him to be in charge while Ipose my stupid


    head and get my shit under control. I don¡¯t want to ruin this with waterworks and sappy girl hormones. I


    want him to take me. That wildly aggressive and controlling prick who first screwed me senseless on


    his couch and turned my world upside down.


    Alexi nods. No hint of a question but more of a slight relief that he doesn¡¯t have to y nice and be too


    docile in sex from now on. A hint that this was probably really hard for that domineering side and his


    control freak ways. Alexi will never be a passive and easy tomand lover. He will always be a bossy


    shit with a need to be on top. I¡¯m really awed that he would change it for me though.


    Before I get a chance to blink or take a breath, he flips us over and is on top of me in an instant, sliding


    himself back into me with a confident thrust that silences my words and reces them with a low


    groan. Back in control, where he likes to be, smiling down at me as he leans in and hits me with a kiss


    on the forehead. It¡¯s a little sign of ¡®baby, I will still be your gentle man, but maybe you better think up a


    safe word¡¯. Moving into that sexy hostile mode of crazy sex and a lot of positioning.


    Property ? N?velDrama.Org.


    I tense for a second and wonder if it really is wise to unleash him while I feel a little tender and raw,


    then think ¡®screw it¡¯ how bad could it be?


    ¡°Scream as much as you want, it turns me on.¡± That wicked, sadistic smile that warns me of his


    intentions riles my excitement, apprehension too and then Alexi moves into screwing me senseless.


    Fast, hard, almost aggressive as he pins me to the mattress and gives my body what it has needed


    since the first time we ever had sex. He lifts my legs and wraps them around his waist, holding one of


    my wrists to the bed tightly as his mouth devours my throat, my jaw and my lips. Igniting all that burning


    passion from within me.


    It¡¯s literally the opposite end of the spectrum to what he started, and I couldn¡¯t be quiet even if I wanted


    to. We¡¯ve had so much sexual chemistry since the day we met which has only intensified and been


    escting for weeks on end. He is making sure we release a lot of that right now.


    I admit I have a moment of concern that maybe I won¡¯t handle him in all his unleashed crazy glory, and


    I might have to bail and get back on top. The first few minutes of being body mmed to the bed while


    howling my lungs out like a panting porn star has me rethinking the wild one¡¯s dominant ways.


    Thrusting, pounding me into the bed, manoeuvring me around the room in every way possible until we


    both drip with perspiration and the groans and moans and grunts and cries are echoing around us like


    crazy. We are definitely not quiet. And even he, the master of silence, is adding to the noise in ways


    I¡¯ve never heard him before. I guess he too is letting go of a little control and allowing himself to be


    unguarded with me.


    It feels too good though. An internal deep kind of satisfying sex that makes my body sing and positions


    that even a well-used whore like me has never been in before. He¡¯s adventurous anyway and not shy


    about telling me where, how and what to do. I don¡¯t think I ever got a full-on y of this side of him until


    now, and I bloody love it.


    If I thought we had hit our best sex in any of the other times we have done it, this then I was wrong.


    Alexi ends up with me up against the headboard, gripping me by the hips and legs. I¡¯m half sitting half


    clinging to him as he kneels in against it, pulling my legs up ridiculously at a right angle to my body so


    he can insert his penis and thrust it into me with gusto while I struggle to inte my lungs.


    My back and head bouncing against it as he drives home all six foot of his power and length and fucks


    me senseless into oblivion and makes the whole bed rock. Creaking like crazy and so sure the


    headboard might snap off and the firece tumble down on my head.


    All I can do is obey like a limp ragdoll, body on fire with excessive heat and perspiration from our


    efforts, moan my lungs out and scream as my body mini climaxes under his skilful touch and thank the


    gods I¡¯m flexible. I¡¯m practically folded in half and he just seems like he¡¯s having a good time.


    After having my ankles at my ears, at one point my arse bouncing around when he had me around his


    waist while standing in the middle of the room, and the upside-down pleasure of a sixty-nine when we


    indulged in a lot of oral, then this one is a bit of respite on my flexibility. Alexi is insatiable and has more


    stamina than most mortals. Not to mention a lot of upper body strength and ability to hold me in almost


    any angle and still perfect that art of thrusting his ample manhood into me.


    I don¡¯t think I have ever experienced a sex romp quite like this, and I wonder how much he has been


    holding back in all the times before. Unleashed, he truly is a goddamn porn star on Viagra and maybe


    cocaine. No wavering energy on his end, and I thank the gods he has a disorder that fuels his energetic


    side. My body is beyond tingling, sweating like a bitch and red all over from the amount of grasping,


    rubbing, banging and being pounded against the mattress, floor and furniture. I don¡¯t think a lesser


    woman could keep up with him.


    As I near what feels like a huge body-ripping orgasm, building up from my toes, I cry out so loudly his


    dog starts howling from somewhere else in the apartment; freaky like an actual wolf, and I wonder if I¡¯m


    actually in some X-rated twilight rip off. That, of course, gives me the urge to giggle and threatens to


    intervene on my third orgasm.


    Thest two were smaller, toe-curling, but this one is building to nails breaking on his back proportions.


    Knowing the dog can hear us is a little off-putting, considering he has a team of men and a maid all


    sitting downstairs, and I¡¯m suddenly aware of the creaky bed springs, the bangs as the headboard hits


    the wall, and just how loudly I have been screaming for thest God knows how long. We have been


    thumping on the floor when he had me on the sideboard and it kept tipping back too. I may never be


    able to look at any of them again. I¡¯m sure he broke one of the vanity¡¯s legs while I was t on my back


    on it and he was prating me right up to my tonsils and holding me down by my breasts.


    Move over Mr Grey. Alexi doesn¡¯t need a red room when he has plenty of fun on normal everyday


    furniture.


    Now that is what I call skill.


    Nose to nose, sweat dripping from his brow and down that handsome face, as he kisses and fends off


    my kinky bites, he slides me back down onto my back, under him on the bed for thest mile. I¡¯m


    ravenous. Fired up on a healthy amount of extreme desire, horniness, longing and pretty much putty in


    his hands. Letting my wild side go to match his and leaving him covered in scratches and bites to mirror


    the finger marks and redness he is leaving on my skin from excessive manoeuvring. He can be gentle,


    sure, but holding me on his shoulders in mid-air while exploring me with his tongue meant he had to


    keep a tight grip on my thighs and that left marks. Bending my feet to my head so he could impale me


    all the way to my throat also left marks. In fact, just about every single position I have been in has left a


    reminder that will fade by morning. The only thing he hasn¡¯t done is doggy style because he is making


    sure he never once gets behind me. Even in his frenzy of hard mming and aggressive screwing, it¡¯s


    the one boundary he has held up without it even crossing my mind.


    I trust him to always stick to it. Even high on lust and crazed sex hormones. He is still making sure he


    keeps me facing on, no matter how we screw.


    ¡°Alexiii, ugh, fuuckkk.¡± I throw my head back as the waves shoot up from my toes to my knees and


    abdomen with very little prior warning that it wasing this soon, climbing and dragging heat, spasms


    and tingles with them in a growing almost overpowering climax that gets to my core and head at the


    same time. Arching under him so my breasts touch his chest and my weight is held up on my elbows.


    Head fit to bursting as it¡¯spounded with extreme pleasure.


    An explosion that literally rips a primal scream from me and I shudder under him violently, body


    spasming out of control as I¡¯m engulfed in the best orgasm I have ever experienced in my life; crying


    out and making weird, choking animal noises just because it¡¯s so fucking good. Clinging on with nails


    and all for dear life as my body releases enough fluid to signal a proper climax of epic proportions.


    Oblivious to all as erotic dizziness and extreme pleasure make my body convulse and soak him to the


    extreme when I hit the pinnacle finale.


    I gush like a dam just exploded and probably sent a tidal wave across the bed.


    He keeps thrusting, undeterred by being hit with a tsunami and he too finds his release and pours


    himself into me as thest of my cries and spasms end all over him. A dizzying end, instantly


    exhausted andpletely done with sex.


    Real satisfaction and something so rare after sex with normal men.


    I slump down when it subsides, cradled into his arms as he too nestles down heavily through his own


    release after the longest, most satisfying session I have ever known, and try to catch my breath. He


    even beats BOB hands down on intensity and I mentally retire that long, thick purple gem, to a drawer.


    I¡¯m crushed by his weight for a moment before he regains some strength and lifts off the top of me. Two


    mmy bodies zinging with electricity and tingling with satisfaction that no vibrator has ever got out of


    me before.


    Well, maybe if BOB is a good boy, then one day he and Alexi can have a threesome with me.


    Not that I think Lexi needs the help. But you know, I have more than one ce to insert him. I think


    being double tapped by those two might be the only thing that ever tops this fuck session.


    Alexi pulls me with him down the bed and manages to flop my lifeless body on the drier parts of the


    mattress with zero help from me. I¡¯m literally incapable of moving and my body has just given up. A


    combination of having sex with this animal until it got dark outside and having my mind blown by not


    one but three amazing orgasms in however long we have been doing this. I¡¯m sated, drained and


    happier than I have ever been in my life. My limbs are detached and not doing any moving for me at all.


    If you fall for a crazy nutter, with a tendency towards sadism, cold brutal acts and shit loads of money,


    make sure he can fuck you like a god and you will never have reason toin ever again.


    Good sex can make up for a lot of misdemeanours. Alexi¡¯s skill is the type of sex that can turn a sweet


    innocent girl into a raving psycho who would cut a man, for ever trying to leave her. He is that good in


    the sack.


    I thought dying sex with this man would only heighten the reunion a little. Not make it out of this


    world mind-blowing that we may never top again. There isn¡¯t a single part of me that¡¯s not goose


    bumping and buzzing, and the blush across every surface of my skin on show and the sheen of


    perspiration is a testimony to the workout he just put me through.


    Alexi moves from over me and rolls onto the bed beside me, pulling me so I end up curled over him


    with my cheek on his chest, sprawled across half the bed like a dead body. I can¡¯t even talk. That¡¯s how


    knackered I am. I can barely catch my breath or breathe and just flop as he manoeuvres me still.


    Literally think I might have a cardiac arrest judging by the way my heart is struggling to calm its insane


    rhythm and I may not be conscious for much longer.


    He runs his fingers over my back, bringing me back to reality, straightening out my semi-dry hair like a


    fan over me and twists and twirls the strands as we both catch our breath. Revelling in this kind of


    sedated goodness. I¡¯m too gone to appreciate the tender act or moments of sweet affection he is


    lavishing me with. I need to do nothing for a few minutes, or I may die.


    ¡°That was worth the wait.¡± His husky voice rumbles from inside his chest and I can only smile like the


    Cheshire cat and nodzily, not even able to put anything into moving my head more than an inch.


    He puts meaning into the statement ¡®I¡¯mpletely fucked¡¯.


    I have never been this physically drained and unable to function after sex before. Alexi is a demon. I


    swear he is not of this world and in no way human. It would exin a lot and if ADHD means he is like


    this indefinitely, then I just found more reason to like it.


    I lie there enjoying his gentle strokes and caresses on my naked spine and across my hair for a few


    minutes before I can look up at him and attempt to string some words into a coherent sentence. I


    literally struggle to move with the intense fatigue and I¡¯m sure I will sound drunk when words finally


    transmit.


    ¡°Well, that was something I want to repeat. After a lot of recovery time.¡± I exhale with meaning. Maybe


    a week or two or even longer if theck of feeling in my legs is anything to go by. I may need a


    wheelchair.


    Smiling, I catch his eye and the utter contentment I see there as he smiles back at me in a very soft


    smitten way I never in a million years imagined I would see on his face.


    Not Alexi Carrero¡¯s face.


    For any woman.


    It does insane things to my insides.


    ¡°You¡¯re amazing.¡± He grins at me before stroking back my hair and pulling me up the bed from under


    my arms as though I¡¯m nothing more than a weightless, empty bag of air to him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think any of that was me.¡± I exhale heavily, still in recovery mode, useless as a person and


    nestle against him more cosily now I¡¯m nearer his neck and get enveloped into a hug rather than using


    him as a mattress.


    Not even lying at that. I don¡¯t think anything in the whole session was actually me.


    Alexi exhales too. A cross between a satisfied sigh and a tad frustration and I tilt my face to look at him,


    a little niggle starting in my belly. A change in his overall energy and the atmosphere suddenly dies a


    little. Gut telling me he¡¯s not staying in bed with me like this and my stomach flutters with detion.


    ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°I could lie here all day, but we need to get up. I have to go find out if my men have useful intel and


    then go to my dyed sit down with anything I have learned. You need to eat.¡± He moves from under


    me, nting a chaste kiss on my temple and slides to sit up and plonk his feet on the floor.


    Just like that, back to reality and he has his crown and serious head back on. No lying about to enjoy


    what just went down between us and I sigh and flop onto my back in detion.


    Annoyed with the way he can just change the mood and ruin the moment and pissed at myself for


    being this needy.


    ¡°We could lie here for a little while.¡± I sulk petntly feeling way more disappointment than I should,


    considering he just gave me a solid couple of hours of one-on-one attention. I don¡¯t even care about his


    intel anymore, not when I¡¯m fully fat cat and oblivious to anything outside of our bubble.


    ¡°We could but I would have to reschedule and then we wouldn¡¯t be able to get on a flight first thing and


    it would fuck up my ns for the next three days. We can lie hereter.¡±


    I sit up, both curiosity and trepidation piqued and nt my eyes on those wide shoulders as he moves


    to get off the bed.


    He said ¡®we¡¯, so I¡¯m going wherever he is but the fact he is only mentioning it now puts me on edge a


    little.


    ¡°Fly where, and what ns? Couple hours ago, you were dumping me and handing over the club, and


    now you have ns for us?¡± I raise a sceptical brow and get that charming sh of sexy smile thrown


    over his shoulder. Arrogant and gorgeous, a lethalbination.


    ¡°I was going with or without you, I¡¯m d it¡¯s not thetter. Vegas, to see a casino I¡¯m thinking of


    buying. It isn¡¯t a bad thing getting you out of the city for a few days, and I think maybe after this, we


    need some time away from all of this shit.¡± He gets up, cockily confident in his nakedness and wanders


    towards the bathroom without attempting to cover up.


    He really is set on getting to it, I guess Alexi is not a man who justzes around.


    Too much energy in that body and head. I watch him move away. Bitterly disappointed that we couldn¡¯t


    just stay here and fall asleep together like normal couples would do after the first important sex


    session. Even if it¡¯s not thatte and we haven¡¯t eaten. It would have been the perfect end to that type


    of sex. My little bubbles, tingles, and happy gooey stuff inside me shrivels up and dies, and I¡¯m slightly


    irritated even though he isn¡¯t really deserving of it.


    I watch him and am momentarily distracted though. Alexi has a very nice arse, it¡¯s very peachy and pert


    and got me fanning myself with thoughts of round two just watching his casual stride of naked booty


    and I almost forget what we were even talking about.


    ¡°Hmm,¡± I answer distractedly and literally have to tear my eyes away as he turns to me with a cute ¡®I


    caught you¡¯ look.


    ¡°My men should have something more from that scumbag we chased down, I will be a few hours.


    Meanwhile, I have Mico gathering all your stuff from the club to bring here, make sure you pack for at


    least three days of Vegas heat and be ready for an early flight.¡±


    The minor details fly over my head as one huge red g jumps right out at me in thatmand.


    Forgetting all else and mood plummeting like a ne into a fiery volcano. Burning the pilot to death.


    ¡°Bringing all my things? As in, moving out of the club? To here? Don¡¯t I get a choice of where I might


    want to live?¡± Eyes widening, heart rate elevating and I spring up like we didn¡¯t just have hours of


    bedroom gymnastics knackering me. I know he mentioned before this would be the safest ce for me,


    but I didn¡¯t think it was a permanent and undiscussed decision. I thought we would at least talk about it


    first.


    ¡°Nope. I told you. Safer with me ¡­ then maybe, just better with me. You don¡¯t belong in the club


    anymore.¡± He shrugs, that cockiness of ¡®I¡¯m the boss and I¡¯m deciding what¡¯s best for you¡¯, and I just


    scowl at him. Anger hitting me hard that you give him an inch and he takes half the state. He does not


    get to exclude me from my own club and job without even a thought to ask me first.


    ¡°You are a shithead with a severe bossy arseholeplex sometimes, you know that? Even if I do


    happen to love you, it doesn¡¯t mean you get to dictate. If I want to live here, it will be my choice when


    you ask me in a proper, gentlemanly and loving way. The club is my home and I should get to choose,


    not you. It¡¯s my job and you do not get to decide when I¡¯m done being there!¡± I raise my brows and give


    him my strongest pointed look in a haughty bitchy tone that is meant to soundmanding. Standing


    up to him and drawing a line in the sand that I won¡¯t put up with it. I¡¯m not one of his ¡®yes, sir¡¯ hoes from


    back in the days before Cami was his woman!


    Alexi just smirks, turns back towards the bathroom with a glint of wickedness in those pale devil¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°Good luck with that. I need to shower and head out.¡± He just strolls off whistling to himself and the


    urge to throw something has me grabbing his pillow and chucking it right after him in fury. Rage ignited


    that he¡¯s such a smug prick. Itnds with a weird heavy thump a few feet away from him.


    ¡°Wanker!¡± I yell, literally biting bullets and madder than hell. Alexi is an arse. I should have known he


    would still be a bossy one no matter how he feels about me.


    He turns at the door and winks, no retort, noeback, just a fucking wink and smile and he pushes


    the door half closed so he can get behind it to ess his shower. Uncaring if he just ruined sex and left


    me with a filthy mood and a desire to poison him.


    He knows I can¡¯t argue; he knows he will get his way because of what just went down, and I know it


    too.


    He¡¯s right. I¡¯m safer away from the club and anywhere he is. I can¡¯t exactly say I don¡¯t want to stay


    here; this apartment is my idea of heaven. It¡¯s just I should get a goddamn say in my own life. He does


    not dictate and boss me around. He is NOT my master.


    I swear I just got a glimpse of what life with this man will be like. He honestly does not care if he is an


    arrogant sod with a major control freakplex. After all his love confessions and making me cum like


    a waterfall, he can still be such a dickhead.


    My dickhead though. All mine and I no longer even doubt that. I guess I will have to learn to pick my


    battles with this one and remember how to coerce him when I don¡¯t agree.


    If he thinks he got himself an easy ride with a woman who will bend to his will, then he has another


    thinging. My fucking club, my choice when to leave it.


    Arsehole.

 Chapter 167

    Chapter 167


    I¡¯m bored out of my mind, amusing myself since Alexi left, by watching Netflix in the main sitting room


    and sprawling out in my new domain. All on my lonesome with the lights on low, the glowing firece


    creating a beautiful ambience in front of me and the sweeping lights of night-time New York to my right.


    It''s semi-dark, peaceful in a cosy and homely sort of way and I¡¯m utterly rxed in my surroundings.


    The couches are deep,fy andrge so I¡¯mid out like Cleopatra and enjoying the size of his


    massive TV in full HD and an endless list of channels. This ce was made for rxing and I adore it.


    For a guy who doesn¡¯t do much of it, he certainly kitted this ce out as though he intended to. I


    wonder if now we are a thing, he will make an effort to spend more time here and try to sit down


    asionally and do ¡®couple¡¯ things, like watching a movie. He did it the night Feral died and it gives me


    hope that maybe he might limatise to being more domesticated with reason to be so. I personally


    feel like I could happily transition to cosy nights by the fire curled up beside him and slow lovemaking


    sessions upstairs afterwards. I could see myself here for a long time, settled, even if I want to yell at


    him for taking away my choice to do so.


    I¡¯m guessing Alexi has set Jackson up to watch the club in my absence tonight and I told him about


    Rebel before he left. He said he would ry the info to Jackson to have her help him on the floor and


    ask her toe to see me after we get back from Vegas to sort it out properly. Just another indication


    I¡¯m under house arrest until further notice and not allowed near my own club. My job, my room, my club


    ¡­ banished. Of course, it riles me, but after my idiotic behaviours, I¡¯m in no standing to argue with him


    on that front anytime soon.


    He didn¡¯t even seem fazed by my objections to being moved here permanently, just shut me down with


    a kiss and told me to shut up before we started arguing again.


    I can¡¯t argue over it while someone out there wants to hurt me, but still ¡­


    He¡¯s a wanker sometimes.


    Not that it will be a hardship, with this much space, luxurious surroundings and a maid on call who


    cooks like a dream. Alexi didn¡¯t stay for food. Just showered, informed me that Mrs Capone, yes her


    actual name, which gave me a solid five-minute giggling fit that earned me an eyebrow-raised stare


    from him, would feed me whenever I wanted.


    It was divine. A cheesy herb pasta of some sort and garlic bread, followed by creamy ice cream and


    apple pie that still has me stuffed and ready to pop. I also learned when a little old man came trenching


    down the stairs carrying his boots, she has a husband and they both live here full time.


    He is a gardener and handyman and tends to all the nts in the house and whatever needs fixing or


    sorting out. No idea where he was all evening, but it added to my shame knowing this sweet, wrinkled


    old man was probably on the bedroom level when Alexi had me wailing like a banshee and screaming


    his name through one of my many orgasms.


    That sex though ¡­ it¡¯s left me feeling content and so very chilled with a warm glow at knowing I get a


    repeat anytime I want.


    Jackpot.


    The perks of my psycho lover and his overly energetic and aggressive side.


    Alexi¡¯s dog settles himself on the couch beside me, pulling my attention away from my slushy film. It


    has been slowly moving closer all evening and getting braver as I sit here on my own and watch movie


    after movie. Either because it¡¯s interested in me, or it wants some of my snacks the maid left sitting on


    the low coffee table when she retired for the evening. They only work until 6 p.m. and then anything we


    require after is on us to fetch or use the little room of security men to go fetch for me; so she made me


    a tray of fruit, crunchy snacks, popcorn and cakes to tide me over after she went upstairs. I can¡¯t eat a


    bite, but they all look delicious.


    Lync crawls up the couch from the far end and then stops,ying his head down to watch me at his


    safe distance and settles back once more. I turn back to watch Matthew McConaughey chasing down


    some blonde on a motorbike, satisfied he will stay put for a while longer and rx some more, not


    really intimidated by him all that much. It¡¯s taken him a few hours to get this close, and he has less of a


    wild nature than Feral did. He seems cautious, more than rabid.


    I took a second bath after Alexi left and washed my hair this time before blow drying it, pulling on some


    of my silky, sexy nightwear and a robe from the vast number of suitcases Mico¡¯s men dumped upstairs.


    Getting myself ready for his returnter just because I can, and maybe I want him to want me all over


    again when he gets home. Now I¡¯m recovered from earlier. Libido back intact. That kind of sex is


    addictive, and my body recovers quickly.


    The maid was up there organising all my things while I ate, despite my protests and now I¡¯m trying to


    pass away the hours while trying not to be pissed at the fact the shithead has moved everything I own


    here, even down to BOB. The maid opened the first case and there he was in all his purple glory.


    Nice Mico. Thanks for touching and packing my ten-inch sex toy. I can now never put it anywhere near


    my vagina knowing that his hands have been on it as it will be like cheating on Lexi. Weird too,


    considering it¡¯s Mico. Ugh.


    I still have no phone and forgot to ask Alexi what happened to it as I¡¯m sure his men will have picked it


    up. Cut off from even knowing when he ising back and left picking my nails and trying not to


    ponder over what intel his men pulled from that arsehole who tried to take me from him.


    His security is in the little office by the door keeping out of the way, no good for information because I


    don¡¯t really know them, they never came to the club but are definitely Carrero. Three inside and two


    men stationed outside as extra measures who every so oftene in here. One of them will pass me


    and walk around the house to check the rooms. Not that anyone will break into a skyscraper penthouse


    by any means other than the door. We are practically in the clouds up here. They are also armed and


    not exactly hiding it as they walk around in shirts and holsters, giving me a nod as they go by but


    generally keeping out of my space.


    It feels like Alexi has been gone forever, and I¡¯m not used to justzing around doing nothing but eat


    and wait. It¡¯s gettingte and I¡¯m exhausted yet refusing to go to his massive bed without him. I want to


    know what¡¯s happening and I really want to curl up with him the first night in a strange ce.


    I miss him. We¡¯re only just beginning, and I feel clingy and needy after the events of the past day or so.


    I need him here to level me out and give me calm.


    I want to wait for him, but I think it¡¯s probably a better idea to get in bed and wait there instead. He has


    an equally huge tv up there positioned for optimal viewing from the bed and maybe if I head up then


    this huge furry beast will stop sitting four foot away and stabbing me with those eyeballs. The dog is


    creeping me out and he will eventually get right up beside me and then God knows what. Chew off my


    leg? Lie on me and crush me to death? He is hardly small.


    He is literally silent and still, much like his master as he bores those hauntingly simr eyes right into


    your skull in the most intimidating way and doesn¡¯t even blink. The dog is a master of making you


    uneasy.


    I have still not decided if it is sizing me up as possible supper, or a chew toy. It¡¯s not a dog you can get


    a read on. I mean he could be either the most nervous and sweet animal just sussing out if I mean him


    harm, or like Alexi, a crazed psycho who sits behind a calm demeanour as he works out the best way


    to torture you just for his own amusement. Just because he can.


    It is still really odd to me that Alexi has a pet dog that he raised from a young age and obviously cares


    a lot about. It¡¯s just another little titbit of showing me apletely different man. One capable of loving


    an animal and having the empathy to save him from destruction because of what he was. Kindness in


    that soul of his.


    I saw what it gets fed, and it¡¯s all good quality raw meat and hand prepared food. The dog is a freaking


    king in this house and very much Mr and Mrs Capone¡¯s baby. The old man was covered in licks and


    slobbers upon appearance and gave the dog a treat from an inner pocket he must carry around all the


    time.


    Weird.


    I give up on the film which is giving me way too many panty warming thoughts about Alexi in a tux and


    get up, grabbing my bottle of water and head to bed. Resigned to the fact that maybe sleeping away


    the hours is better than nervously awaiting his return and working myself into a horny mess, now BOB


    is eternally defiled.


    I only get to the foot of the stairs when the cold, wet nose of that beast touches the back of my naked


    ankle and I yelp in fright. Recoiling in horror and blink back down at his questioning expression. Big


    head cocked to the side, trying to look harmless. I¡¯m notpletely fooled.


    ¡°What the fuck is it?¡± I half yell at it as I turn on it sheepishly. Nerves rising a little at his perseverance to


    stick by my side. Stomach a little tied up in knots already with things simmering in the back of my mind


    and this dog is just adding to it.


    ¡°You¡¯re creeping me out. It¡¯s not cool!¡± I stare at it imploringly, but it just sits its butt on the floor and


    stares right back, silently, in that same unemotional way his lord and master has. Not even a tail wag


    from thenky thing.


    I¡¯m starting to think Alexi is just a reincarnated wolf and this pooch can sense his brother or long-lost


    rtive in him.


    Fucking weird mutt.All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    ¡°He likes you, Miss.¡± The voicees from the top of the stairs, startling me with her sudden


    appearance as Mrs Capone makes her way towards me carrying an empty ss. She¡¯s dressed in


    slippers and a housecoat and I guess she needs a fresh drink. I sigh with relief at seeing another


    human, and I hope the dog will now follow her down the stairs once more.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure I can extract ¡®like¡¯ from how he is behaving.¡± I point out, moving to let her pass and edging


    away to escape those eyes.


    ¡°Lync is a good boy but very reserved about who gets affection from him, much like Mr Carrero. They


    are a good match. You give him time to figure you out and this puppy will roll up in bed with you.¡± She


    fondles the dog¡¯s head in passing with her free hand and gets a lick in return and a thump thump as his


    wagging tail hits the floor a couple of times. He stays rooted to the spot though with that fixated gaze


    on me.


    I eye her up as she descends, thinking about what she said and smile absentmindedly as the thought


    of Alexi curled up in bed with me pops into my mind¡¯s eye. Warmed by her observation that is pretty


    urate. Heart filling a little with just how much I havee to depend on him.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m going to bed to wait for Lexi, so the dog can stay here.¡± I point outmandingly, trying not


    to sound fazed by it and turn to leave, hoping shessoes him or something equally efficient to take


    him with her.


    ¡°Unfortunately, Lync can open doors, so Mr Carrero gave up on banishing him from the bedroom. You


    can try though.¡± She smiles softly, knowingly, with a hint that rys slight smugness under a beaming


    affection for this crazy creature, and I just exhale heavily. Resigned to the fact he may juste to sit


    on the bed and intimidate me for the next God knows how long before Lexies home. I get the vibe


    it¡¯s his intention and wonder if Lexi trained him to do just that. I wouldn¡¯t put it past him.


    ¡°Okay¡­whatever. If he mauls me to death, then so be it.¡± I flick my hair over my shoulder sassily, turn


    on my heel and flee up the stairs quickly. I¡¯m hoping he is too distracted by Mrs Capone to follow but


    I¡¯m wrong, and he passes me on the top step speedily before leading the way to the open bedroom


    door. Full stride and bounds ahead of me with that clumsy wagging tail.


    Ugh.


    ¡°Fucking dog,¡± I mutter under my breath and try to ignore his presence. Not overly happy with the fact I


    have earned myself a new stalker, but what can I do? He¡¯s a persistent pain in the arse; much like his


    daddy.


    The room is neat and tidy with no visible sign of anything that is mine at all, nor our earlier antics and


    bed messing, and I take a minute to look in the cupboard doors to check. See where all my belongings


    have disappeared to.


    Alexi has a lot of storage, all concealed in this space and I can see all his suits, shirts and such neatly


    lined up inside the far end. Shoe rack, tie rack, belts, trousers. It¡¯s all contained in less than half of the


    space even though he has an impressive amount of clothes, whereas mine is less than that on this side


    and looks practically empty.


    Moving around all the time meant I have not spent a lot of time gathering belongings, shoes and


    clothes. Every time I fled, I got rid or sold what I could, and it has been a slow build to a decent


    wardrobe again. My things look sparse, but all ounted for. I guess more closet space is an


    advantage though, there¡¯s room to grow and three sets of shoe racks crying out for some Louis Vuitton


    additions should I end up here for the long haul. I close the cupboard and turn to walk to the bed,


    pushing it to the back of my mind, stopping in my tracks as I spy Lord Lync sprawled across the foot of


    it as if he just owns this space.


    ¡°Jesus fucking Christ,¡± I mutter agitatedly. The dog is worse than the master, in that he is a relentless


    stalker who won¡¯t take a hint. Even Lexi isn¡¯t as dense as the damn mutt.


    I do my best to pretend he isn¡¯t there and climb in, d the bed is big enough for me to do so without


    disturbing him, hauling the tv remote with the bed covers and switch it on. As soon as the screen lights


    up, the dogys his head down right at the base of my feet and closes his eyes.


    A little weird, but at least he isn¡¯t staring at me anymore and I resign myself to my new bedmate. A


    grudged one. If he isn¡¯t going to eat me, then he better not be a snorer. I may throw him out the window


    if he is.


    I scan the menus for a new movie and press on one that doesn¡¯t take much intellect to watch. Some


    cheesy chick flick, before snuggling down in bed to getfy and try to stop obsessing on when Lexi


    will make an appearance.


    He¡¯s seeing his men, then having a sit down with the other families. He could be gone all night. I


    remind myself that if he is, then I won¡¯t make a fuss, and I won¡¯t use him of all sorts when hees


    in if he¡¯s stinking of cheap perfume and looking to head straight for the shower. I remind myself to trust


    him, trust in what he feels for me and learn to let things go.


    I check the bedside clock and sigh heavily when I realise it¡¯s only 9 p.m. It¡¯s been a monumentally long


    day with a shit ton going on, and I can¡¯t believe it¡¯s only evening.


    It¡¯s been the longest week of my life since that shoot-out and I honestly feel like it¡¯s been weeks with


    Alexi pursuing my heart, instead of only days.


    It feels like days ago they chased me into that alley, not hours, and I shudder at the memory of it all, so


    dreamlike yet disturbing. I push it down and close my eyes as that knot tightens in my stomach.


    Apprehension returning to prickle across my skin and I thank some invisible force all over again for


    guiding him to me in time¡ªmy hero.


    Alexi will never let anyone hurt me or get at me ever again. I just need to stop being such an idiot and


    fighting him all the time. He¡¯s right; I do rebel and I do disobey him. But he needs to learn a better


    manner of delivery other than bossy shit telling me what to do.


    I need to lighten up though and ept there are some things he can¡¯t change about him, but he¡¯s


    trying. I can see it and I should try too.

 Chapter 168

    Chapter 168


    I jump, awakening in a dark silent room as the weight on my legs shifts heavily and emits a long low


    growl. It makes my heart stop, skin prickling all over, suddenly frightfully aware as I get my bearings


    and remember where I am and what the hell is lying on me. Pulse quickening as I groggilye to, a


    cold sweep of blood due to the abrupt manner I awoke in the eerie room,cking any TV noises. The


    illumination of the city view is subtler than I would have expected and not casting a great deal of light at


    all.


    His low grumble puts an instant fear of me God in me and I try to focus on him towering over me by


    pushing myself to half propped up and stare at the beast.


    I must have fallen asleep with that movie and the TV has gone into standby and switched off. It¡¯s dark


    as hell, and it dawns on me as I look around to figure out what¡¯s happening the shades must be


    activated by light or a timer as they have alle down two-thirds of the way, so this room is almost


    completely pitch ck. I have no clue what time it is.


    Lync stands up over me, shifting closer protectively and seems to perch himself with a foot on each


    side of me. Even though I cannot make him out that well, I can sense he¡¯s facing the door and is


    listening intently. I sit up further to see what it is he can hear and then yelp in fright as that damn


    beast¡¯snky whip-like tail smacks me right in the mouth with a sudden violent wagging. Bitch pped


    by the damn dog for God¡¯s sake.


    It knocks me sideways and senseless for a moment and distracts me from my thumping heartbeat and


    trembling limbs. Cursing him out and rubbing my startled jawline as I push his arse away from me


    harshly.


    ¡®Arsehole.¡¯ I mutter at him grumpily. If anything, he woke me up fully and now all my senses are on high


    alert thanks to being dog smacked.


    Hepletely changes in the blink of an eye, from silent and still predator into a yappy, excitable


    puppy that rolls over, jumps up and flies off the bed, all while making the most insane whimpering,


    barking noises that signal extreme excitement. The dog legs it, right out the room, pushing the door


    open and letting light flood through from the illuminated hallway beyond. I blink at the assault, eyes


    unable to focus as fast as his apparently do and then blink at the clock sat on the bedside table, trying


    to get my bearings. It¡¯s ten past midnight and it urs to me it might be Alexi returning home and the


    stupid mutt can clearly tell.


    I exhale with relief and slump back down into my mountain of cushions to await the appearance of my


    hunky bedpanion, a smile spreading across my face and that warm glow of utter happiness at


    knowing he might be back.


    I mean it¡¯s his weird as fuck pet. I¡¯m sure it gets happy to hear hime back as he isn¡¯t here that


    often anymore. It¡¯s obviously Alexi.


    Neglectful dick.


    He¡¯d better not shelve me in this apartment like he has done Lync and go off to spend nights in the club


    with some hoe. I¡¯ll rip his goddamn throat out and cut off his dick to feed to the damn dog. I bet Lync


    would probably enjoy a good bit of meat like that and I would definitely not regret doing it.


    I lie and wait, expecting him to walk in at any moment and get mighty restless when after a full four


    minutes he¡¯s a no show. Staring at the dark nk ceiling and straining to listen to any sort of noise and


    get absolutely nothing at all.


    Now I¡¯m wondering who did, in fact,e in that set the dog off on euphoric wagging and slide out of


    bed to locate my robe to curb my ¡®need to know¡¯ agitated state. I pull my satin kimono from the


    cupboard by the light of the hall, blinking to adjust as I near it and pad out to head downstairs to see.


    Annoyed that if it¡¯s him, he hasn¡¯t bothered toe to tell me and yet apprehensive that maybe the


    dog is nuts and he just sees ghosts or imaginary friends sometimes.


    Oh, I hope not.


    I¡¯m suitably covered in case it¡¯s one of his many minions, so I don¡¯t have to exin to Lexiter why


    they have cardinal knowledge of my tits in sheerce. This sexy nightdress stops mid-thigh, mostly


    transparent, and I have no underwear on under it, strictly put on for his benefit and I won¡¯t be caught


    wearing it by some random security doing a walk around. Alexi would kill me, then him, and then


    probably me again.


    I take a couple minutes to get to the end of the long-carpeted walkway and head down the stairs into


    the dimly lit apartment. It''s eerily quiet but there¡¯s a faint sound of music drifting ever so gently from the


    door at the strange brick wall. I can see from halfway down the stairs it''s sitting open and look around


    to check who is in here. Heart upping a gear, I feel like I¡¯m sneaking around in some forbidden domain


    and it only heightens my senses. Nervously tapping the metal railing and tiptoeing on, eyes darting


    around in case I get caught. I have to inhale heavily to calm my erratic breathing and remind myself


    that I may be a prisoner for my own safety, but this is my new home. I shouldn¡¯t be afraid to get caught


    exploring it.


    The door to the office by the entrance is shut and muffled voices contained within. Security clearly


    locked away and doing whatever it is they do. I stop and wonder what cameras they have in here and


    nce around for anything obvious, realising this will only make me look more idiotic if they can see


    me. I stop, straighten up and try to look confident like I¡¯m not snooping in any way, shape or form.


    The lights are off in the kitchen and living room and only floor lights set to dull are keeping the ce


    bright enough to walk around. It¡¯s obvious Mrs Capone has gone to bed, and the dog is nowhere to be


    seen.


    I wait for a moment, nervously as I realise this might be anyone and not Alexi at all. I could wander


    down to happen upon a change in his security detail or just someone popping in to check all is quiet.


    Maybe one of his men actually sits in that little room at night, or whatever is behind there.


    I mean, it¡¯s Alexi¡¯s home. It could be a dungeon, a gym, maybe a medieval torture chamber that leads


    to a steel box of a room to muffle the cries of the people he interrogates.


    Maybe not. He wouldn¡¯t keep that under the same roof as his sweet little mummy stand-in.


    I reckon he has one though and that¡¯s where they took my kidnapper.


    I could go knock on the office, ask if they know when he¡¯sing back, or I could go check out the


    extra part of the apartment in the pretence of looking for Lync and nosey in that room now it¡¯s open. My


    curiosity has been twitching since I realised there is more apartment in that direction behind that wall.


    Lync did piss off on me rather rudely after moving to sleep on top of me like a heavy bone crushing


    nket, so trying to locate him is a great excuse for anyone I bump into along there.


    I could say he makes me feel safe up there all alone and I need him back.


    I take a deep breath, pick up my wavering bravado and go marching purposely down thest steps and


    towards that vast urban chic brick wall. Mind set on not being aplete wuss. I need to go find out if


    that arsehole came back and didn¡¯te to see me.


    The door is stained in simr tones of reimed wood as the wall which makes it blend into the


    brickwork and I head right for it. Concealed but not invisible and now I¡¯m set on going there, nothing will


    stop me. Except, maybe the cries of a human man being tortured. That would have me backtracking


    and hightailing it back upstairs.


    Pulling it open I spy a corridor inside with only two more doors visible in the entire space. Surprising, as


    I expect a hall like upstairs with several doors leading off. One is shut tight on the darkened side and


    nothing to tell me what is beyond it, and one is sat open, emitting light and music from the interior. The


    hall itself is dark wood and polished floor and a little foreboding.


    I recognise the Maroon 5 song drifting my way as soon as I hear it and rx a lot. Exhaling as my body


    sags, realising just how tense I was and smile involuntarily.


    Alexi has specific musical tastes and that is one of them. I exhale again and shake the stupid away,


    loosen my robe a little, fluff up my hair and adjust my breasts to perkiness before pushing the door


    open to reveal a very cosy study.


    I want to look good for him when he has been gone all night. No harm in primping and preening to get


    his blood flowing in the right direction. I went to bed with minimal makeup, a figure-hugging ¡®fuck me


    now¡¯ nightdress and no knickers for this reason.


    Alexi is here, much to my relief and delight, sat on a long leather couch taking up one wall, reclining


    casually with Lync sprawled along beside him, head on Lexi¡¯sp. Both upying a two-seater brown


    leather couch that looks invitinglyfy.


    He is holding a brandy ss and swirling the contents while staring straight ahead at a faux fire burning


    silently on the wall facing him. I¡¯m starting to think he is most definitely a firece man with one in


    every room here and his bolthole. I wonder if fire is another calming method for him, my crazy little


    possible pyromaniac.


    The desk and shelving at the far wall are shrouded in shadow so all that is illuminated is where Alexi is,


    and the floor up to the firece. The rest of the room is dark all around and he¡¯s just there looking


    magnificent and weing. My heart bursts to overflowing at the sheer sight of him and immediately


    changes my whole mood from apprehension to happiness.


    He nces at me when he catches sight of me walking in and gives me a strained smile that doesn¡¯t


    quite reach his eyes and no dimples on show at all. My smiley and bubbly internal fizz of joy disperses


    just as quickly, to be reced with worry at theck of his own enthusiasm at seeing me.


    ¡°Hey, gorgeous. You should be asleep; we have to get up early.¡± He sounds low and strained, eyes


    duller than normal and hints of dark shadows in that angr face. His stubble peeking through from a


    long night.


    I falter as I remember I didn¡¯t even bloody pack and just push it aside as unimportant right now. He


    would only see my forgetfulness as me rebelling again and I¡¯m not in the mood for bickering. Especially


    as I didn¡¯t deliberately disobey him, I just had other things on my sleep-addled mind.


    I missed him. I was worried about him and his meeting.


    ¡°Well, if your Chewba sidekick hadn¡¯t woken me with his spazzing out to see you, then I would still


    be asleep. Why didn¡¯t youe up?¡± I ask warily, sensing his unease almost like waves of thick static


    coming from him. Alexi is agitated and stressed, and I guess the dog cuddles and booze down here is


    him levelling himself off beforeing to me. My senses alert and suddenly overly sensitive to his


    weird aura and murky mood. Tension rising inside me immediately that makes my skin prickle with


    unease.


    He doesn¡¯t answer, just downs his drink and carefullyys the ss on the little table to his right.


    Avoiding my eye and adding to my anxiety.


    Now I know he uses alcohol to help his ws, I don¡¯t really see it as excessive anymore. He doesn¡¯t


    drink a lot, and it only seems to be when his overall nervous energy is high. I guess that¡¯s how he


    contains it and manages that cool and calm demeanour.


    It¡¯s not ideal but it works for him, obviously.


    ¡°Come, sit. We need to talk.¡±


    Those words make my stomach drop to my feet and that little niggle of insecurity cranks up a level.


    Nothing good ever came of a man telling a woman they needed to talk, and I hesitate. Realising just


    how badly I will fall apart if Alexi now decides he doesn¡¯t want this anymore.


    I¡¯m an insecure person, with a lot of self-worth issues, obviously, my mind instantly goes to go to ¡®he


    wants to dump me¡¯.


    I move forward steadily, trying to hide my internal panic, keep the stained facial expressions at bay then


    yelp as he catches my hand and yanks me onto hisp, almost killing the damn dog in the process.


    Lync has the sense to dart out of the way just in the nick of time, sitting up to blink at me as though I¡¯m


    to me for almost pancaking his skull.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look at me like that, me him.¡± I direct at the mutt and Alexi just hauls me morefortably


    into his body and forces my face around to his with a hand cupping my chin. Hauled and manhandled


    so my cooler skin burns with hands all over me and the close contact of his warm body. Pulled up tight


    like he is wrapping up something precious.


    He kisses me firmly, pulling my face down towards him for a second so we make full facial contact,


    noses, foreheads, mouths and chin, squished up together and assaulted with a needy pressing of lips


    that trantes to a man who is mighty wound up. He then he lets me go with a very heavy outward


    exhale. A sigh so loud it can only trante that he is extremely fed up.


    ¡°I missed you.¡± It¡¯s as breathless and low as it could possibly be, and he sinks me into his body,


    wrapping me up in his arms and pulling my legs so I end up curled like a little ball in his embrace. He


    rests his chin on top of my head and just holds me tight. It¡¯s like being cradled as a baby, warm, tight


    almost suffocating. Crushing me to him soundly and I can feel his heart beating through his chest a


    little faster than is normal for him.


    I can sense the stress seeping out of his pores and push him back to lift my chin to see his face.


    Gazing up at him as concern overtakes me. Not liking that all I can feel are vibes of high tension and


    low mood.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong? You seem ¡­ off.¡± My voice trembles lightly, because deep down my gut is going crazy


    with anxiety and tying itself in knots. I¡¯m so sensitive to the changes and moods in him because there is


    still that fear he will tell me this has all been a game and he duped me to the extreme.


    I know it¡¯s stupid when all the evidence points at the exact opposite but it¡¯s still early days for me


    epting that this is real and hard to ovee in just a short time.


    Alexi lifts a hand and strokes back my hair gently, like he always does, before kissing me softly on the


    forehead. Coming back to rest his skin against the spot he graced with affection and looks down at me


    with so much fatigue on his face. Dark circles, tired eyes and apleteck of hard lines of familiar


    cold scowling. He seems all used up. So very young and deted, and I just hug him tighter.


    He¡¯s tired, and even though it¡¯s obvious to me, it¡¯s not to the untrained eye. I have learned how to


    understand his tiny signals so much better. I can read this on him loudly.


    ¡°It¡¯s not Santagato, and it¡¯s not as simple as someone moving in to im some turf.¡± He breathes it out


    with a low husky tone, irritation present and as selfish as it seems, I get instant relief that¡¯s what he¡¯s


    uptight over and not us¡ªme, more specifically. I exhale with a rush of warmth enveloping me, recing


    the cold doubt that this is not about us. It¡¯s about bigger things and I¡¯m being stupid.


    I need to stop doubting a man who imprinted my name on his chest for all time.


    ¡°Are you going to tell me?¡± I press gently, lifting my hand to trace the buttons up the ck shirt he has


    on, against that strong hard body, until I get to the top one and trail the V of his exposed neck with


    gentle fingertips. Smooth tanned skin with only a slight peek of hair. Takingfort in being able to


    touch him this way freely and being nestled in his embrace.


    Nothing feels like this does, nothing ever could. I feel like I¡¯m where I belong.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know where to start. It¡¯s the pasting to finally payback for things that happened when I was


    just a kid.¡± Alexi slides his arm under my legs and stands up suddenly, taking me with him, cradled


    against his chest before turning around and depositing me on the couch carefully while he moves to a


    little side unit to get a fresh drink. I just nestle down, hating the sudden separation, freezing when Lync


    crawls forward and puts his face in myp the way he had with Alexi minutes ago. I just sit motionless,


    and stare at his huge warm head nestling heavily in the crook of my body as I try to getfortable


    again. His excessive heat creeping through the thin satin of my nightdress and I nervously pat him as


    gently as I can. t opened handed tap taps on his head with a look that must trante disgust


    because I¡¯m so very wary of him.


    This dog is going to eat me I¡¯m sure of it. I¡¯m thepetition and he is a fly little fucker, attempting to


    take my guard down until I least expect it.


    I realise Alexi is silent and still and nce up to catch him staring at us weirdly. Frowning with a hint of


    surprise and yet that tiny smile of amusement. Eyes fixated on my hand on his dog¡¯s head and I nce


    down in case he thinks I¡¯m smacking him or something absurd.


    ¡°What?¡± I ask defensively and put more effort into stroking the heavy lump on my legs gently in case he


    thinks it¡¯s some sort of animal abuse and I just broke his little code of proper treatment. Lync has


    strangely odd textured fur. It''s soft yet wiry and a little unruly and doesn¡¯t feel too bad when you smooth


    it properly


    ¡°Lync doesn¡¯t like new people and usually takes weeks to get within feet of someone. It¡¯s just odd. He


    won¡¯t lie down like that with anyone, except me.¡± Alexi turns away to pour the drink into two sses he


    has pulled out and I blink down at Lync in a moment of ¡®oh¡¯. Those words sinking in and taking note.


    Not sure how to feel about that and push it out of my head for the much more important topic at hand.


    ¡°The past Alexi ¡­ing back ¡­ go on.¡± I almostmand with impatience andy my hand down


    beside me to stop attracting the dog as a distraction.


    Alexi turns, giving another strange nce at his beast, then me, then him again, the smile is genuine


    before hees back and hands me the brandy he has poured. He stays standing to leave us settled


    this way, obviously liking the fact his two possessions are bonding. He seems amused anyway, maybe


    warmed by the fact Lync seems to like me and I guess he isn¡¯t so bad after all.


    Wild little beast that he is.


    ¡°Back when I was young, and my father was head of the family, six Italian families were always warring


    over the state of New York. It¡¯s prime real estate, and they all wanted to govern it.¡± He begins with what


    is obviously important backstory and I nod, watching him as he paces around slowly. That restless


    energy finding it hard to dissipate and I wonder if Lync somehow helps to ground him when he needs a


    focus. He was calm enough with the dog in hisp when I walked in.


    ¡°The problem with always fighting within the families meant it left resources stretched thin and left all of


    us vulnerable to outsiders trying to push in. Too busy fighting among ourselves.¡± He adds, turning on a


    low lightmp on a desk I didn¡¯t see in the shadows and brings much more warmth to our dim room.


    ¡°Sounds chaotic. Stressful.¡± I point out and sip my burning liquid slowly, keeping my eyes on him and


    listening intently. I didn¡¯t want a drink, but I guess he feels like I might need one and I have told myself I


    will try to argue less from here on in.


    ¡°So, my father sat down the families and tried to bring them together. To create a sort of hierarchy


    where they united while governing their own areas respectfully. No more turf wars but an ability to


    come together should anyone else try to invade.¡± He raises a brow, a sip of his drink as he takes a


    breath and I nod. Understanding fully.


    ¡°Makes sense. Better to focus on making money than shooting rivals, right?¡±


    ¡°Right. Clever girl.¡± Alexi smiles at me, a sudden genuine hint of adoration in that serious expression


    and it still gives me those little goosebumps every time I see those dimples. I flush with heat at his


    obvious infatuation and wonder how many times he gave me this look and I just failed to see it while


    living in denial. I saw this smile before, many times. I was so blind to what he felt for me.


    ¡°The problem is the sixth major yer in the city. The Giuseppe family ¡­ Dimi was power hungry and


    didn¡¯t want to settle for a piece of the pie. He wanted it all and thought he had the means to take it from


    the rest of us.¡±


    ¡°What? Fight all five families? Did he have an army or was he just stupid?¡± I nch at the craziness of


    taking on just the Carrero family let alone a united five powers that run this ce. He had to be


    mentally unstable to assume he could power his way over five of them. Santagato¡¯s family are also a


    force to be reckoned with. I don¡¯t doubt they all are.


    Alexi is still standing by the desk with his butt perched on it, closed off, and an aura of tenseness


    cloaking him. I sit up a little more primly, moving Lync away, and cross my legs now this conversation is


    taking a more serious turn. Feet on the floor and ss in hand. Robe falling away because of its


    silkiness and I just let it.


    ¡°The treaty was formed, and a code agreed upon, but he refused toe, refused to sign his way into


    the union. My father reached out to meet him alone to try and resolve this for the greater good of the


    families, but Dimi had other ns. He sent out his men to take down the spouses and offspring of


    every head of the family as a show of his power ¡­ sound familiar?¡±


    That dip in his tone, the eyes narrowing at his amber liquid and I nod mutely. Things clicking together


    but trying not to summarise just yet.


    ¡°Much like a low key, taking down the mistresses for the same reason. So, this is him?¡± Now it¡¯s stirring


    in my head with a huge sense of foreboding as I realise this may be a huge Mafia war brewing and far


    bigger than just some stupid power y to get one up on the other. One that has taken decades to


    build towards. I feel sick instantly, stomach swirling heavily and skin breaking out all over in cold icy


    spikes and prickles. I shiver at the thought of it.


    ¡°No. I was thirteen when Dimi¡¯s henchmen hit our family ¡­ you know how that went. Only two others


    were sessful hits. A lot of innocent deaths in two days. Dimi is dead.¡±


    There¡¯s a silence as Alexi looks down into his drink again, pondering those memories from so long ago,


    and I instantly feel an overwhelming sense of pain on his behalf. That day moulded his path and now


    they¡¯reing back to try and ruin his life. No wonder he is so off. I ache to get up and hold him,


    squeeze him tight but I can sense he wants space. He would still be sitting with me in hisp if he


    didn¡¯t.


    ¡°So, if not Dimi, then ¡­?¡±


    I push gently, my voice equally low in the intimacy of this small room. Alexi clears his throat and looks


    up with a heavy breath and a wry look.


    ¡°My father had the entire family wiped out of this state, one way or another. All the men were executed


    in the space of two weeks and their women and children given the option of fleeing with all they had or


    joining the men. Other families stepped in to help and they purged that name from every corner they


    could find. Giuseppe was removed from existence, and for thest fifteen years has been extinct in


    these parts.¡±


    I literally sit wide-eyed and motionless as I try to wrap my head around what he is telling me. The


    complete destruction of an entire bloodline in two weeks. That is the cold touch of being in this world


    and the sad truth of the power they hold. Someone threatened them, and they dealt with it; not a single


    news report or whisper of it happening was heard in the whole state.


    A whole family¡ªwiped out. Poof. Gone.


    Jesus Christ.


    ¡°So, if they are all dead, then who? How is it connected?¡± I nch and down the rest of my drink in one


    go to steady the heavy thud of my heart.


    ¡°Dimi had daughters. They all fled to the origin of their roots in Italy. His eldest Marianne ¡­ she¡¯s


    behind this. She came back, and it looks like she intends to carry on where her father left off. All of this,


    she was attracting attention and showing us, she was an adequate leader.¡±


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    It¡¯s my turn to narrow my eyes as his words filter through, the sudden rage inside meing from


    nowhere. The thought of all of this being some showy ¡®look at me and what I can do¡¯, and I just flip.


    ¡°What a stupid bitch. How the hell does she take on five families with nothing but left-over members


    who were scattered in the wind and think she cane in here and throw her weight around?¡± I snap.


    Annoyed at this faceless wench and the sheer nerve of her. Picking out people like me in some sort of


    power y to prove she is a worthy adversary.


    What the actual hell?


    ¡°Some of those children were boys ¡­ some married into her family and it seems she has the wealth to


    hire outsiders. Men who have no respect for the code or order. I guess she feels like she is owed a


    ce here and wants to stir up a name for herself before approaching the ruling five families.¡±


    ¡°So, it¡¯s a kind of new turf war with an old enemy? Except her goal is what? To join you. How does she


    get that from killing all your girlfriends?¡±


    ¡®It¡¯s a show of resources and how big her balls are. She gets intel into our lives, to show she can,


    targets ones that will rile us but not actually dere war. She probably hopes it puts us in a state of


    unrest and willing to negotiate peace once more.¡¯ Alexi shrugs, obviously as baffled as me why she


    thinks a n like that would go down well with someone like him. I just gawp, push my ss on a side


    table and stand up abruptly, dropping my kimono as it slides away and I pace around in agitation.


    ¡®So,ing after me twice ¡­ is that because she failed, or just because she wants to make more of a


    mark on you? Seeing as you¡¯re the unofficial godfather of these five families.¡¯


    I¡¯m riled, and hot with temper. Body itching all over so that even my flimsy nightwear is suffocating me.


    My skin feels like ants are crawling all over me and even pacing madly, cuddling myself, does not


    remove the tightening grip running over my whole body. High, intense terror at the news I¡¯m being


    enlightened with and rage that some dumb bitch is using me as a pawn in a pathetic game of kings and


    crowns.

 Chapter 169

    Chapter 169


    ¡°I think she has a personal vendetta against me; the man I shot at thirteen was the man she was


    supposed to marry. It doesn¡¯t matter that everyone was ughtered anyway. She has her eye on you to


    serve up a specific cold message to me. That¡¯s why they¡¯ve been watching the club. You are number


    one of her top five. Send me a message and wound me the deepest. It¡¯s why she hasn¡¯t given up on


    you after a failed attempt. This is because of what I did.¡±


    Alexi trails off with that serious tone and swirls his drink again. My insides all gripping together in a


    horrible heavy coldness as it sinks in and I literally swallow my saliva noisily as bile rises in my throat.


    Shuddering with the awful reality of this shitty insane world and the yers who treat lives like


    disposablemodities.


    ¡°So, they wille again? Her men will keeping after me until I¡¯m dead?¡± It¡¯s shrill, high pitched


    and drenched in fear as I shudder, voice breaking as ites out of me and everything pales around


    me as my eyes blur at the bite of tears. Alexi puts his ss down and stalks towards me.


    ¡°You think I would let anyone touch you? That I won¡¯t do everything in my power to keep you safe? I¡¯m


    not my father. I don¡¯t need to rally the families to fight back, we are already united, and I have way


    more reach than he ever did. I can end this with one death¡ªhers. If that¡¯s what it takes, then that¡¯s


    what it takes.¡± He growls it, eyes on mine as he brushes back my hair and pulls me to him by my


    jawline with one gentle hand, bringing me to him so we stand facing each other closely.


    ¡°She dies and it stops?¡± I lock my gaze on him, needing his presence to stop myself panicking into


    hysteria. Reminding myself that he does and will always keep me safe. His dominance and aggression


    oozing as proof that he will do anything to protect me.


    ¡°She is the head of her family; without that, they will go running back to where theye from. She is


    the one with the balls and the vendetta. If she¡¯s dead, I believe the rest will run back to Italy.¡± He traces


    my lips with his thumb and leans in to touch the tip of his nose against mine. Calming me with gentle


    caresses and just being my rock when I need him.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s stopping you? Why hasn¡¯t the order already been issued? The fact you¡¯re sitting here


    mulling this over tells me something is in your way. I know you and you wouldn¡¯t be sulking in the dark


    if the n was in ce.¡±


    ¡°My family won¡¯t allow me to kill her for what has gone on so far. She¡¯s a woman who was scorned by


    my blood and they don¡¯t want to start what could be another war. They don¡¯t want New York to


    experience that level of bloodshed again and don¡¯t deem her misdemeanours as anything worthy of a


    hit.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re kidding me, right?¡± I nch at him, eyes widening, and that pit of hot anger bubbles up again


    inside me warming my icy cold shivers away to nothing.


    ¡°They don¡¯t agree that the rest of them will dissipate if she dies. They think revenge wille anyway


    and that the risk isn¡¯t worth it over a couple of whores.¡±


    ¡°Bullshit! You know this world and you know these kinds of people. You cut the head off the snake and


    the body ils around like a useless limp dick until it eventually dies. That¡¯s what will happen when you


    take away their bossdy and remind them of the Carrero power. Take her out, be done with it and


    forget them all over again. You know it¡¯s the right decision, and I¡¯m not just a fucking whore. I¡¯m yours


    ¡­ I¡¯m Alexi Carrero¡¯s heart. That has to ount for something.¡± I rage at him, fury on full show and


    blood levels soaring as my heart beats out like a war drum.


    Alexi smiles at me unexpectedly, breaking my growl with that genuine sh of pearly whites and runs a


    thumb across my cheek gently before leaning in to peck me lightly on the lips and graze his nose


    against mine.


    ¡°I knew there was a queen dwelling inside of you.¡± Another proud smile, another touch of noses and he


    lets me go.


    ¡°I can¡¯t go against the board. My hands are tied unless I can convince them that this is the way to nip it


    in the bud. Trust me, I¡¯m working on it. Thinking out a n.¡± He walks away from me, leaving me


    standing in the centre of the room and goes back to the booze cab.


    ¡°The board? Your musty old table of ageing Carrero men who previously ruled the roost? What do they


    know of modern times and how it works now? You are the one who has headed this family for a


    decade, almost. Things have changed, it¡¯s not the same as when your father was standing here, and


    they should have a little fucking faith that you know what you¡¯re doing by now.¡±


    ¡°You think I don¡¯t know that, but I was raised by a code and respect for the men before me. If they say


    no, then I cannot proceed. My father isn¡¯t objecting, but the rest are, and I can¡¯t dishonour their wishes.¡±


    I¡¯m ranting and he¡¯s calmly pouring another drink. He waves a ss my way and I shake my head, too


    churned up for more booze when my insides are bubbling away like a volcano about to erupt.


    ¡°Then they are idiots. Go get someone else to do it then ¡­ Santagato, one of the other family heads,


    and just act like it was nothing to do with you. Make it happen, Lexi, make the fucking bitch go away!¡± I


    squawk a little hysterically as the words tumble out and he pauses to look at me, bringing me down


    from the rafters with a frown.


    ¡°I can¡¯t. I won¡¯t. Asking a favour of that magnitude shows a weakness in my chain ofmand. I can¡¯t


    have Santagato know my family isn¡¯t united on something like this and give him an edge over me.¡±


    Alexi is deadly serious and that stubborn streak in him is showing through. I know the how of the inner


    workings, the twisted games and stupid signals always in y around these men. I sigh and resists the


    urge to ¡®arghh¡¯ at him.


    ¡°Ugh, your family politics, God help me. Sometimes I realise it¡¯s a blessing to be alone and have no


    one to call blood.¡±


    I throw my hands in the air in exasperation and Alexi gives me a dark look that cools my jets instantly.


    A hint of hurt and I know I just insulted him in some vague way. I guess he considers me his family


    now, but that¡¯s not what I meant.


    ¡°I have to meet her, sit down and see if there¡¯s another way I can eradicate the issue. It¡¯s not ideal but it


    will buy me time and maybe your safety if we cane to some sort of ¡­¡±


    I don¡¯t even let him finish his sentence. Snapping aggressively.


    ¡°Oh, my fucking God, are you kidding me? This woman tried to kill me ¡­ TWICE. Fucking TWICE


    Alexi! And you¡¯re going to sit down with her and have a little chat over coffee? Really? Is that all I¡¯m


    worth to you?¡± The rage erupting in me is not really aimed at him because I know how rooted in


    tradition and rules his family are, and his hands are tied. I¡¯m venting, upset, being unfair, but it¡¯s


    frustrating as hell when he knows the way to fix this and he just can¡¯t do it.


    ¡°You think this is what I want? I would snap her fucking neck on sight for touching you. Go against all


    my morals about touching women and not give two shits. She took on the role of family head, she lost


    her right to protection as a woman. If I do that, though, my head goes on the block, and you ¡­ Cam,


    my family would have no qualms about removing a girl they deem as influential over me for my acts of


    defiance. This is serious.¡±


    Alexi yells back at me, tempers rising between us, shocking me with his words as I realise the


    magnitude of him disobeying the board. I rub my fingers through my scalp to try and release some of


    the pressure building inside me, scraping my brain back inside my skull to stop the onught of tears


    threatening toe tumbling out. They are not in hurt, but in sheer agitation at the shit I find us in.


    ¡°Then point me at her. Show me where to find her and I will do it my fucking self. I have drugged


    enough women over the years, used my wiles and cold-hearted abilities to fuck people up. I¡¯ll do it. It¡¯s


    not hard to overdose with something in her drink at a nail bar or a beauty salon. I have the balls to do it


    and the ability to pull it off. It doesn¡¯te back on you then does it?¡±


    I¡¯m babbling, tears take over and my voice breaks hoarse and raw as all my emotions bubble over,


    pacing and hissing with sheer anger and venom and Alexi just watches me, suddenly so still.


    ¡°I actually believe you. That you would and could.¡± It¡¯s a quiet observation from a serious tone and I


    can¡¯t tell if he¡¯s impressed or shocked. I know in my heart I would do it. It¡¯s a case of me or her.


    ¡°I don¡¯t need your permission, just where and when I can get to her. That bitch tried to kill me. I won¡¯t


    live in fear with that scraggy cow walking my streets. If you do something, then your family take me


    God knows where and what? Kill me? Fuck no¡­ you¡¯re all insane, and I¡¯m not letting her take me out


    while you figure out what to do!¡±


    ¡°No. They can fucking try! Your hands stay clean. I won¡¯t have my woman doing my dirty work, and my


    family is my problem when and if the timees. I won¡¯t have that on your conscience, we both know


    you have never ended someone¡¯s life.¡± Alexi¡¯s temper bites and his tone sharpens to match mine.


    Anger high in the air but we¡¯re not mad with each other. Just all this crap threatening what we have


    starting between us.


    ¡°Well, you make it look easy so I¡¯m sure I could live with it.¡± I point out, referencing the times I have


    seen his cold and uncaring response to doing it. He doesn¡¯t care so maybe I won¡¯t. Going after her is


    justified and I have enough cold in me still to see it through.


    ¡°You think my first time didn¡¯t leave its mark on me in some way? You think any time after didn¡¯t do


    something to my soul? I¡¯m this way because of what I have done for my family. I died a little with every


    one I took and lost the ability to value life anymore. It dehumanised me far worse than having my own


    problems did. I can kill without feeling Cam, but it doesn¡¯t mean I never used to, or that I didn¡¯t have


    any reaction, even in my fucked up way. I still have dreams and nightmares about the people I have


    tortured. I won¡¯t let you go through the same, no matter who she is.¡±


    It¡¯s a revtion and a peek inside the head of someone I used to think a sociopath. He clearly isn¡¯t, as


    nightmares and dreams signal guilt. Alexi maybe feels nothing for what he does at the time, but his


    dreams punish him instead. On some level, his subconscious knows what he does is very wrong.


    Anotheryer to my cold-hearted killer that no one would ever guess. Probably why he sleeps so little


    and it¡¯s not just all ADHD rted.


    Alexi yanks me toward him by the upper arm and wraps me in his embrace, a tad aggressively, and yet


    I¡¯m silenced by his words. Held against his elevated heartbeat, closing my eyes as I wrap my arms


    around him too, right around his torso and squeeze him tight. Head whirring with the chaos of the


    problem in front of us and how stupid this is. He has the means, and the ability and yet stupid fucking


    family bullshit is standing in his way. My insides are all churned up and my body is trembling with the


    emotion running through me.


    Fuckers.


    My head won¡¯t relent though; brain whirring with solutions that bypass him and all his dickhead family.


    ¡°Fine. I will just get Jackson to do it then.¡± I point out and push myself away from him with a smirk and a


    superior little look that says, ¡°so there.¡± Injecting some humour into my tone but it¡¯s only half a joke and


    my heart tells me Jackson would do it if I asked. They would punish him though so I would never ask


    him.


    Alexi frowns at first and then breaks into a goofy smile and shakes his head at me. He knows this is


    getting nowhere and he doesn¡¯t want to fight with me either. This matter is too big, and I don¡¯t see a


    resolution tonight. He is too stubborn and so am I. We won¡¯t find an answer while yelling at each other


    and I¡¯m too tired to keep doing this.


    ¡°You¡¯ll be the death of me, you know that?¡± he states softly, temper calming, fatigue fading out the fight


    and he reaches out to trail his hand across my chest delicately, igniting goosebumps and cooling the


    last ounces of my rage. His eyes following across the scraps ofce barely concealing my ample


    breasts, and he finally seems to notice I¡¯m dressed in practically nothing and ready for some love.


    ¡°You better believe it mate because if you take another damn hoe on a date ever again, those words


    will be your reality. I¡¯m crazy enough to poison you and then cut your manhood off to make you


    choke on it.¡± It¡¯s only half in jest with a stern tone and warning re and Alexi lifts his hands


    defensively, palms outwards towards me as he breaks into a chuckle. A grin widening across his


    handsome face.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    ¡°You outed us ¡­ gossip will be moving faster than cocaine through the port, so I don¡¯t think anyone


    expects to see me dating anyone else. You are the only date from here on in, I swear. I¡¯m still pissed


    about what you did at the club ¡­ don¡¯t think I¡¯ve forgotten that just because younded yourself in hot


    water right after, but I get why.¡± He nudges me with his elbow and drops his hands.


    ¡°So, sue me. I don¡¯t regret purging the club of all your little sluts. Hoe-Anne needed to go. You can¡¯t be


    a reformed hussy if you keep your conquests in your bloody living room.¡± I lift my chin defiantly, not


    backing down on why I did it and a little smugger about it now I¡¯m no longer terrified of the


    repercussions. It was the best thing I ever did, even if it was spectacrly dumb.


    Alexi regards me for a long silent moment and then sighs heavily, knowing he has no standing in this


    argument and should just give up while he can. I may have acted like an arse, but he lit the rocket


    under me and gave me the fuel to cause chaos.


    ¡°Former slut. And now the club is unmanned an in need of a hostess thanks to your green-eyed flip out.


    You need to figure that out when we get back.¡± It¡¯s a stern tone but the smug hint of a smile tells me he


    isn¡¯t that bothered anymore. Maybe he was earlier, but he had enough violence and sex today to purge


    his system. Bruised knuckles lingering, probably from venting with fists on my kidnapper¡¯s face.


    ¡°That girl I told you about, I have faith in her ¡­ Rebel, she¡¯s on the staff and has potential.¡± I point out


    and get that little uncertain look he gave me when I mentioned her earlier. Not convinced that anyone


    called Rebel is hostess material. Alexi just doesn¡¯t like that I¡¯m the one picking girls and not him.


    My little control freak.


    ¡°We can talk about it on the flight. Right now, I really need to fuck you and sleep. We have a flight at 5


    a.m. I¡¯m tired, agitated and have a lot to do.¡± Commander and chief mode initiated, but it just flips my


    ¡®hell no¡¯ switch. I hate it when his bossy arse selfes out to y.


    ¡°Excuse me! I¡¯m not sex on tap you know. I get a say in when and where. Maybe I¡¯m tired too and don¡¯t


    want you to fuck me.¡¯ I cross my arms over my boobs haughtily, only pushing them into a bulging


    cleavage he immediately locks eyes on.


    And I used to think he wasn¡¯t a boob man.


    Alexi gives me that seriously sadistic smile of his and I swear my heart stops for a moment. It¡¯s that ¡®I


    will bend you to my will and enjoy the screams¡¯ look.


    ¡°Lync ¡­ bed.¡± Hemands softly and the dog immediately jumps up as though he was not snoozing


    on the couch and darts out of the room at lightning speed. An air of urgency that sends shivers from my


    toes to my groin. I know what¡¯sing and despite my verbal objections, my body is already trying to


    pry my thighs open to wee him home.


    Traitor.


    Alexi walks over and pushes the door shut right behind the now absent dog, with a quiet click, before


    turning back and leaning against it heavily. Backing up against the only escape route in here and


    undresses me with his eyes from hem to breasts.


    The air instantly thickens with mutual sexual tension and I bite on my lip to try and curb the outward


    show of being on board with this. It¡¯s no fun if I just let him have his own way right off the mark.


    ¡°Want to find out how persuasive I can be?¡± That look of the smug controlling wanker who first seduced


    me in his club, standing with the confidence that we are not leaving this room without him getting his


    way. Muscles straining under his shirt and I find myself scanning his pants for an erection; I¡¯m not


    disappointed.


    ¡°You have met me, haven¡¯t you ¡­ rebellious, stubborn, disobedient. I¡¯m not one of your little ¡®Yes sir¡¯


    ladies.¡± I raise a brow and push my hands on my hips to stand my ground. Only emphasising that my


    nightdress is very short, and the motion lifts it slightly to expose parts on my naked body through the


    lace patches that are strategically ced for hints.


    I cannot deny the heat isn¡¯t building between my thighs, but this is a matter of pride and well, just in


    beingbative because he is being a bossy dick.


    Alexi sucks in his bottom lip in a wholly distracting way and smoothly unbuttons his shirt while


    devouring me from head to foot with those eyes of his, slowly and provocatively. Uncovering tanned


    sexy chest and his newly acquired Cami artwork which only gets my body trembling.


    I bite on my inner lip to curb the sensations swirling up my abdomen as sexpletely moves to the


    forefront of my mind. He can turn me on with the slightest of looks.


    I¡¯m wet, there¡¯s no denying it; the throbbing, longing ache of needing to getid consumes me all over


    again.


    ¡°You know how I let off steam and get rid of excessive stress?¡± he asks me huskily, that voice all


    smooth and low and very reminiscent of the Mafia King who figured out he could drive me wild with just


    a touch and a kiss.


    ¡°I¡¯m not one of your little subs.¡± I grind out, trying so hard to stop my legs from visibly shaking while


    clenching my pelvis to stop it calling out to him with open arms.


    ¡°No, you¡¯re not. You¡¯re my queen. And my sexy as sin little hellcat who reminds me that sex can be the


    most amazing experience in the world.¡± He utters it as he steps towards me, finally discarding his shirt


    and exposing all that yummy flesh which I cannot stop myself from gobbling up with my eyeballs. That


    dandelion tattoo staring me in the face and reminding me how true his words are.


    Fuck he is just too damn sexy.


    He stops right against me so only his heat is touching my body through the thin fabric and inhales the


    same air I do. I¡¯m intoxicated by the scent that is gorgeously him and tremble a little as my body


    instantly surrenders to him fully. All fight dies when faced with a man I want so badly.


    Girl, you¡¯re so damn weak.


    Alexi leans slightly so his fingers catch the hem of my nightdress and he slowly pulls it up with him,


    catching it in his other hand as it lifts over my naked hips and slides it up my body.


    I don¡¯t know who I¡¯m trying to kid. My arms lift and I let him slide it right over my head and off to leave


    me standing in nothing but my birthday suit. No objection from me whatsoever when myher regions


    are already getting ready for another Lexi visit.


    ¡°I¡¯m yours.¡± He surprises me with the gentle statement and whispered tone, pressing his nose to mine


    as he says it, looking deep into my eyes so intensely I swallow hard and falter for a second. My heart


    erupts in all kinds of achy yet good palpitations, my stomach twisting as emotion catches in my throat.


    Such tiny little words that may not mean a hell of a lot to many people, but to me, from him ¡­ he just


    completely owned me. I have no defences against this man. He surrendered all he is to me. The


    dominant alpha gave his all to his woman.


    ¡°And I¡¯m yours,¡± I whisper back and sink into his kiss as his arms slide around me and I blot out


    everything that is not Alexi Carrero.

 Chapter 170

    Chapter 170


    Vegas is hotter than hell, you could fry a breakfast on the tarmac here and even though we only walked


    into the hotel minutes ago I¡¯m already sweating and gasping for air like I just ran a marathon. I have


    never been to this city and I¡¯m already wondering how people can live here. The airport was busy and


    hazy with heat rising from the ground upon arrival that looked like mysterious, magical dimension


    aberrations, and I feel like I have literally been turning to a puddle in my clothes since we stepped off


    the ne. It¡¯s stifling.


    Alexi is looking suave in a short-sleeved white shirt, beige chinos and shoes while I¡¯m dripping makeup


    down my face into my sweater and jeans. I thought it might be afortable travelling outfit. It now


    exins the strange look when I said I was putting a woollen sweater on for the journey. Tosser could


    have told me it¡¯s three thousand degrees the second you walk off the ne.


    Mr Tan never seems to feel the temperature, be it hot or cold, and isn¡¯t remotely affected right now. He


    also never mentioned that we were hauling Gino and Alessandra on the trip and we are stood waiting


    for them in the foyer because they came in on another flight from elsewhere and are rendezvousing


    before we go to our room.


    ¡°Lexi, I¡¯m too hot ¡­ I need to strip off.¡± Alexi is dealing with the check-in and I¡¯m holding onto the back


    of his shirt to stop myself keeling over with dizziness. Holding on because I feel faint, ustrophobic


    and exhausted from travelling, and using his body as a post to steady myself against. Propped behind


    him at the huge curved wooden desk of the massive open entrance of this five-star establishment.


    ¡°Take your clothes off then.¡± He smirks and throws me back a cheeky smile that gets an eye roll. All too


    devilishly handsome and devoid of any effects of this suffocating temperature. He¡¯s been in a happy


    mood sincest night. Obviously chipper about something.


    ¡°Sure ¡­ I¡¯ll just get naked in the lobby and you won¡¯t have an epic shit-fit over men staring at me.¡± I


    point out, sighing moodily, and he shrugs and looks back at me over his shoulder again from his


    leaning position, on the smooth walnut surface.


    ¡°You¡¯re mine now ¡­ I ain¡¯t got nothing to worry about.¡± It¡¯s a cocky little sentence and I just gawp at


    him, trying to understand the logic in that. I don¡¯t think a jealous, possessive side is an easy thing to


    switch off.


    ¡°Dickhead,¡± I mumble at him as the desk clerkes back from doing whatever she was doing at the


    computer to the side. Bringing all attention back to her small curvy frame and huge bug-like eyes, all


    glowy and blue with threeyers of heavy fakeshes, roaming him a little too greedily. She smiles


    brightly, swishing her hair back seductively behind an ear, all while staring right at his mouth. Salivating


    at the thought of what she could do if she had a chance.


    ¡°Here are your room cards, Mr Carrero, and the driver and car you requested will be parked out front


    for you in the morning.¡± She flutters those long spiders at him and perks her boobs up a little as she


    hands them over, giving him the full-on ¡®fuck me¡¯ act I can spot a mile away. It instantly grates on me


    and answers my theory ¡­ jealousy isn¡¯t cured by being together.


    I will rip that bitch¡¯s throat out.


    I just re, seething inside with a dull, tight intensity that makes me want to test the strength of my


    acrylic nails on her face.


    It doesn¡¯t seem random either, judging by the edgy little looks ande-on eyes. It¡¯s notpletely


    unbelievable to assume he has been here before and this one endured a night of being tied to his bed.


    I can almost taste it on her with thisck of professionalism; while his cold demeanour and ignorant


    behaviour only confirm the suspicions. He seems a little too starchy and closed off, and to me, that


    screams the loudest. I know him well enough to read how he behaves with past conquests. They mean


    nothing more to him than an irritating fly buzzing around his head. He¡¯s been there, had what he


    wanted and lost all interest. He doesn¡¯t waste manners on disposable ythings either.


    Alexi takes them from her without really acknowledging her and slides the cards into his shirt pocket.


    Avoiding eye contact so she backs off, and I literally prate the side of his face with an intense


    unamused stare, knowing full well he has had sex with her on a previous trip to Vegas. He likes to use


    familiar hotels and circles menus. It¡¯s no shock toe upon old conquests on getaway trips.


    ¡°Thanks. Can you book a table for four in the restaurant under my name for eight?¡± He smiles emptily,


    not meeting her eyes at all, and instead messes with his watch strap. She almost gushes as she


    catches his hints of dimples. Over-familiar as hell; definitely fucked him.


    MY dimples bitch. Back the fuck off.


    I swear I¡¯m growling at her over Alexi¡¯s shoulder but it¡¯s like she hasn¡¯t even seen me. I¡¯m clearly not in


    her line of vision and she only has eyes for someone she thinks she might get a second pop at. I¡¯m


    guessing he had a datest time he bedded this shameless hussy, so I¡¯m no deterrent to her.


    ¡°I shall do. Any requirements? Such as near the band or the veranda again?¡± She flutters some more,


    twirling her hair in a disy of obvious flirtation and leans in suggestively so more cleavage pops out of


    her tailored jacket. I can¡¯t take anymore. The proof is in one word.


    AGAIN!!


    ¡°Preferably anywhere you are not,¡± I snap and push past him to put myself between them aggressively.


    Alexi just steps back, raising a brow as her face turns scarlet and gives up his prime position at the


    desk so I can stomp my way to it instead. Straight up, cold ring, hoity-toity stance, and I tap my nails


    on the table between us impatiently. She clears her throat instantly and evades my snarling eye


    contact.


    ¡°By a vent with cold air would be exactly where I need to be. So, any air conditioners in the room, I


    want to be right under it. Comprende? If that isn¡¯t too much trouble!¡± Cami¡¯s sarcastic, venomced


    tone is oozing out of me and I lock a nasty gaze on her face to make her even more nervous as she


    stutters and messes with papers in a bid to evade my razor-sharp scowl. Standing tall with one hand on


    my hip and an aura that screams ¡®Not in the mood, bitch¡¯.


    ¡°Umm.¡±


    She falters, turns to shuffle over something on the desk, dark hair falling messily from behind her ear


    over that overly made-up face, and blinks a polite and stunned smile my way.


    ¡°Certainly, Miss err ¡­ umm. I shall make sure your party of eight is under one of the ceiling units. Our


    whole dining room is well ventted.¡± Her previous husky and flirty tone shrivels like an overcooked


    tenderloin and just adds to my irritation with her.


    Little tramp making moves on a guy when he has a woman right beside him. She needs to learn her


    ce.


    ¡°Good ¡­ maybe go stand in there for a bit, dahling, and cool the fuck off. I doubt you have time for a


    cold shower while tending to your little desk, despite obviously needing one.¡± I snatch the leaflet she


    has pushed out in front of us, detailing the hotel; venom and ice in y and turn on my heel to slide my


    arm into Alexi¡¯s as I pass. He¡¯s smirking at me, totally amused and allows me to lead the way as the


    nearby bellboy grabs our bags. Letting me tug him with me as I cast back another snide look at


    miniature, perky boobs behind us and catch her ncing away quickly.


    ¡°Penthouse suite.¡± She calls after us, at our luggage escort to inform him where to take them, in a weak


    voice that highlights I made her ufortable.


    ¡°Someone¡¯s grumpy fromck of sleep and a long flight ¡­ or is it the heat?¡± Lexi taunts me smugly,


    walking in step with that confidence of the smart arse he can be, and I just scowl at him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t pretend you haven¡¯t screwed her before! It¡¯s written all over you. So, grumpy, yes, as you didn¡¯t


    let me sleep at allst night, so we almost missed our flight. You then had to make sure I was a


    member of the mile-high club, so I didn¡¯t even get to nap ¡­ remember? I¡¯m ming you for any mood I


    may have from here on in because it¡¯s your fault. You need to be neutered.¡± I snap at him, tightening


    my hold on his arm while my prickly skin and rattled temperament try at cooling off in sweltering heat.


    He has me sulking, well she does, and I pull my sweater off as we walk, so done with sweating like I


    have run a marathon. Letting go of him to sweep it up off my body in a gush of much-needed relief.


    Taking it off leaves me in the silky nude coloured vest top underneath and finally, I manage to catch my


    breath with a little waft of air on damp skin. I have no bra on so obviously the first thing Alexi¡¯s eyes do


    is home in on them and he frowns.


    Maybe a little jealous after all that my ample double Ds are swinging free in a loose and slightly


    revealing top that at first nce makes me look naked. He says nothing about it though, seeing as he


    told me to strip off.


    ¡°I forget how intuitional you are. If it¡¯s any constion I don¡¯t rate her as more than a one at the most.


    Definitely wouldn¡¯t do her again, even without you in my life; besides, you would miss it too much and it


    wasn¡¯t all one-sided.¡± He winks, dismissing my attire with another nce at my breasts, another frown


    and then looks at where we¡¯re walking. I just shake my head at him. Simmering back to a better mood


    and unable to argue with that. Impressed that he kept his control freak side under wraps despite his


    obvious disapproval at my undergarment.


    Not that I care. Alexi will never dictate what I wear. I dress for me and me alone.


    I may be as bad as him in terms of giving in to his sexual advances too readily, but I¡¯m ming him for


    everything, regardless. He has a high sex drive, and when he wants to go at it, he has too much


    stamina in the sack. Sometimes you just want a five-minute screw and some sleep. Alexi rarely seems


    to manage quickies.


    ¡°Shut up. I need to cool down and take a nap.¡± It¡¯s less irritated in tone, but I¡¯m not fully over the blue-


    eyed pper making eyes our way. Still tetchy and irritated at everything in general.


    ¡°I¡¯ll let you sleep on one condition.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t even ¡­¡± I warn with a scowl turning to face him head-on when we stand to loiter. We now have


    to await our apanying duo, they texted minutes ago to say their cab was almost here.


    If he is daring to try and tell me what to do in terms of much-needed sleep, I will p him in the face


    with his own dick and enjoy doing it.


    ¡°No mention of anything about ¡®business¡¯ in front of Alessandra. She has never outright asked Gino,


    even though she must know something, or at least have suspicions. She travels. She likes to pretend


    I¡¯m nothing more than a businessman, and Ginoes from a virtuous Catholic family with no


    skeletons in the closet.¡± He points out with a hushed tone as we catch sight of the pair walking in from


    outside hand in hand, with the most perfect timing. They look casual and rxed and more


    ustomed to this heat than me in matching cream coloured summer wear.


    Alessandra has her dark hair swirled on top of her head in a sleek bun and a loose-fitting dress that


    grazes the floor as she walks, with a peek of sandals below. Gino is in a white tee and cream shorts


    over flip flops and looks more like a guy on a summer holiday.


    ¡°I get it ¡­ an extension of how your mother likes to live? Fine by me. The only person I don¡¯t want to


    have lies hanging over me with is you. A little pre-warning that you fucked the desk clerk in future if you


    don¡¯t want me moody!¡± I point out and give him that intense look he gives me when he is trying to put a


    serious point across. Simmering, jealous, and maybe overreacting because I¡¯m truly shattered from not


    enough sleep, but it bothered me.


    ¡°I never wanted my parents¡¯ rtionship of smoke and mirrors and fake lifestyles. I will never lie to you


    and don¡¯t want you to lie to me. As for her, she wasn¡¯t worth mentioning, and I forgot until we walked


    over there. She wasn¡¯t memorable.¡± His tone is barely a whisper as they literally get right up to us and


    Gino lets go off Alessandra to take a step towards Alexi for a man hug. Our conversation meeting an


    abrupt end with the arrival of ourpanions. I swallow down thest of my mood and apply my bright


    smile, ready to y the part of happy girlfriend. Appeased by the fact the desk girl was not memorable.


    ¡°Something we finally agree on ¡­ we should celebrate.¡± I smile sarcastically at him quickly, before


    moving away to face them and I get one in return from him as he and Gino embrace. Alessandra


    shocks me with a hug too and I awkwardly embrace her, pulled into her slight body and almost kissed


    half to death as she attacks my cheeks one after the other.


    ¡°You two look ¡­ tired.¡± Gino grins annoyingly, all know-it-all and smug and then turns and gives me a


    cuddle that just feels weirdly Alexi. It¡¯s odd that they have so much of them that is the same, yet they


    are nothing alike. I mean I can tell by touch alone it¡¯s not Alexi, but he fits me in the way his brother


    does, with an rmingly simr hugging style.


    Build, body, height, testosterone. How they squeeze you half to death with a bear grip cuddle. Still


    eerie.


    ¡°You look very cute.¡± Alessandra steps forward and tweaks Lexi¡¯s cheek before leaning in and giving


    him a kiss to follow it on one cheek, not overly enthusiastic like she was with me and I get the vibe


    she¡¯s drawing an appropriate line in the sand. She doesn¡¯t want me to feel jealous by being overly


    soppy with my newfound boyfriend. I think my respect for her just shot up another ten points and it


    rxes me fully, knowing there¡¯s at least one woman in the world who poses no threat to what we have


    growing. He has definitely never had sex with her either.


    I know it¡¯s hypocritical that I¡¯m bothered by that, given I have easily slept with hundreds of men in my


    lifetime, but it matters, nheless. Something I have to work on, I guess.


    ¡°So, you finally stopped fucking about and got the girl.¡± Gino beams, cocky and obvious, and I just eye


    roll. I should have known this wasing, and I¡¯m not really in the mood for the dissection of ¡®Camlexi¡¯


    while it¡¯s too hot, and we still have some hoe¡¯s eyes on us. Not to mention, an overwhelming desire to


    lie down and nap right where I stand.


    ¡°And we are very happy about it too.¡± Alessandra cuts in with that heavy ent, a hint of scorn in her


    tone and nudges her man in the ribs, casting him a warning look. I¡¯m guessing they¡¯ve had a


    conversation about not bringing this up.


    ¡°When¡¯s the wedding?¡± Ginounches in and I give him the filthy look of ¡®shut up¡¯ this time. Alexi


    doesn¡¯t even blink.


    All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    ¡°When she has slept, cos damn this woman is cranky as hell today.¡± Alexi shoves me in the shoulder to


    stop the way I¡¯m making dagger eyes at his brother and then hauls me against him and drapes his arm


    loosely around my shoulders. Pulling me tightly to him possessively, yet affectionate. I just curl up and


    lean into that warm mass and exhale heavily to try and stop the weary mood I¡¯m in. Instantly calm when


    in his arms though. Surrounded by that heady scent that is uniquely his.


    ¡°Ha ha.¡± It¡¯s apletely sarcastic response from me,cking tone and emotion with a deadpan face


    and it gets me augh from Gino.


    ¡°When in Vegas, baby ¡­¡± That cheeky look, as he reaches to tug a strand of my hair, so like his


    brother, and I shove him away. pping at his hand as it makes a grabby motion and I just cower


    under Alexi¡¯s arm. Moulding into him for some protection from his annoying as shit brother.


    ¡°What? Hit a strip club and get an STD? Fuck a busty desk clerk?¡± I snap with less attitude this time,


    deflecting the hint away as my heart rate ups a level at his weird suggestion. I give him a short look and


    he turns around and pulls his woman into him mirroring our pose. Amused with himself, and I¡¯m left


    scowling at how much of an annoying prick he can be.


    ¡°Ouch, I sense thatst one is loaded. I find it interesting that my brother has made no rejection though.


    Can¡¯t miss an opportunity to get hitched in a rush ¡­ no big white wedding, no fuss. Might even talk this


    one into it.¡± That smirk and wink, as his own cuddle buddy ps him in the abdomen with a look of ¡®not


    a chance¡¯. Gino flinches and rubs his stomach then grins like a goofy teen at her reaction.


    ¡°I want big and white and showy. So, you can get that thought out of your head, right now.¡± She


    chastises him, pointing at his face like a schoolmarm, unamused at the suggestion. She shoves him


    when he whispers something else in her ear and points him towards tits and eyshes over at the


    check-in desk, motioning they still need to.


    Meanwhile, I¡¯m here swirling his observation about Alexi around in my overly suspicious brain and turn


    usingly to him and scowl. A little hint of panic seeping into my bones and restricting the oxygen from


    filtering to my lungs.


    ¡°I thought you were allergic to marriage?¡± I ask haughtily, knowing that the man I met over a year ago


    most definitely wasn¡¯t one for settling down. Gino is right. His silence is at odds with who he is and


    suggests that there is zero opposition on the matter. The Alexi I know would have shut him down in a


    nanosecond and yet, this version let it slide with nothing to weigh in.


    ¡°Allergic to saddling myself with the wrong women sure; not allergic to marriage with the right one.¡± He


    leans in and kisses me swiftly, knocking me silent with a quick peck of lips on lips. Last thing I ever


    expected from his mouth and despite my knee-jerk need to reply with something sarcastic to knock this


    topic on the head, my insides do something weird and fluttery.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be picking out your dress just yet. White isn¡¯t your colour. Not sure it will ever be mine.¡± I half


    mock him, half seriously shitting a brick and try to turn this conversation into something else. The


    thought of a shotgun Vegas wedding scares the bejesus out of me. That¡¯s a very permanent tying of


    yourself to someone and not easy to undo.


    Especially tying yourself to a man you¡¯ve only just started to want, trust and rx with. My head is


    nowhere near anything beyond that. We have barely grazed the surface of co-existing in a rtionship.


    I mean it¡¯s only been a week since he turned me on my head and told me he loves me. A lot has


    happened that makes it seem like weeks, but the reality is, we have been doing this for all of five


    minutes, and I only just came to terms with the fact we are in a rtionship with a possible futurest


    night.


    Marriage is a NO, for a million reasons.


    ¡°I hear you can get married in ck here, wearing a gun and carrying your wench kicking and


    screaming over your shoulder. I do, is merely a suggestion.¡± It¡¯s said in the deadpan, emotionless


    manner he excels at, but I can tell it¡¯s his version of humour. I don¡¯t find him funny at all, looking at me


    in that straight-faced, cool way of his with those pale greys eating my soul to death. I raise a brow and


    just stare right back. An unamused look in return as if to say, ¡®you even try it and I will maim you¡¯.


    ¡°It¡¯s only legal if she says I do.¡± I point out drily. Heart thundering out of my rib cage even though I know


    this is only in jest. mmy palms and trembling limbs follow abruptly, and that breathless feeling adds


    to my heat-induced dizziness.


    Alexi just smiles and shakes his head at me.


    ¡°Calm down feisty. No one is kidnapping you to throw you down the aisle with me. We¡¯re here to see a


    casino and take a break from normal life while Mico does more digging on the events of yesterday.


    Marriage will be a conversation for another time.¡± That shuts me up and I continue to blink at him in


    stunned silence when he turns his attention to his brother and then checks his watch.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take you upstairs and you can go to bed while I work out the arrangements for visiting the casino


    tomorrow and make some calls. I have things to do before we explore. Plenty of time before dinner.¡± He


    reaches into his pocket for his vibrating phone and moves me back a little while he swipes the screen.


    I¡¯m literally mute as my head pulls apart this conversation, summarises a ¡®not in hell¡¯ and leaves me


    feeling oddly surreal and nervous.


    ¡°Why do you want a casino all the way out here, anyway?¡± I ask, still trying to cool myself as I adjust to


    the heat and pull at my top which is now sticking to me. Alexi¡¯s eyes nestle on my breasts for a second


    before he goes back to his phone and types on the screen.


    Typical man.


    ¡°Retirement n. I thought I told you this. When I¡¯m done in New York, then Vegas is my final


    destination, to live out my days in a casino I lord over. The one we look at tomorrow.¡± He continues


    talking, frowning at his phone and doesn¡¯t even nce at me. Just assumes this is information he has


    previously divulged and I slide up beside him to prise his attention back on me. Sliding my arm in his


    very muscr one and press him against my left breast. Needy for his touch when I¡¯m feeling oddly


    fragile.


    ¡°Why are you buying it now if you have no intention of retiring for a long time?¡± I croon. Distracting


    myself from anxiety-ridden thoughts of shotgun weddings and determined to return to my normal mode


    of sexypanion.


    ¡°Because I can, and I have the family in Vegas to run it for me and build up a reputation in the right


    ces until I want toe out here.¡± He just continues typing, and yes, it vexes me that my wiles have


    zero effect on this man at times. Although he did say something interesting.


    ¡°Carreros in Vegas?¡± My attention piqued to find more of them in existence.


    ¡°We¡¯re everywhere. Not all of our rtives settled in New York, some didn¡¯t settle in the USA at all. I


    have family in Europe.¡± Finally, he throws me a sideways nce and the second those sexy soulless


    grey eyes connect with mine I smile, heart all a giddy, satisfied with a morsel of attention and lean


    against his upper arm possessively. Resting my head on his upper bicepfortably.


    ¡°In London?¡± My head turns over with his confession about going there, and I wonder if that is how he


    knew he could freely get away with heading to a new turf and torturing a scumbag to death.


    ¡°The very ce. Cousins, second cousins ¡­ they operate under the name rke. ¡°


    This time I lift my head in startled recognition and blink at him. A name I had heard when moving in the


    underworld circles in Ennd, and now it makes sense, they were always big, burly, foreign-looking


    men. They all have that same bloody DNA.


    Carreros ¡­ you wouldn¡¯t fucking believe it.


    They have been connected to my life since I was born.


    Rick avoided them like the gue and kept out of their way because they were ruthless bastards who


    had reputations for being as cold and sadistic as my very own Lexi. Go figure. They were known for


    running things, being the heavy hand and taking care of business in the worst ways. It doesn¡¯t even


    surprise me that they share a bloodline.


    I now wonder if he did a little digging to see if any of them knew anything about me when visiting his


    British family. I wouldn¡¯t put it past him. His whole trip to London, being able to locate Rick and do what


    he did without worrying about repercussions. It all makes sense now. Alexi had his family over there to


    assist him.


    ¡°Right, we ready to go upstairs?¡± Ginoes back, manhandling Alessandra from behind with a


    bellboy in tow to match ours, who is still waiting patiently. He has our bags on a trolley and is standing


    with his arms folded behind his back. Knowing better than to hurry the big spenders who rent out


    penthouse suites.


    ¡°About time.¡± Alexi throws him a cheeky look and pulls my body into his arm again as we turn to lead


    the way, cuddled against him as we walk. He slides his phone back into his pocket and I get that


    undivided attention I wanted once more.


    It¡¯s amazing how quickly this is bing normal and second nature as my dependency on his


    affections grow stronger. I rest my head on his shoulder as we move, inhaling him andmitting his


    touch to memory. All nerves and anxious energy fluttering away on the gentle breeze as the air


    conditioners catch us from above as we get out of the open grand entranceway.

 Chapter 171

    Chapter 171


    I¡¯m groggy and sleep muddled when I pad through to the main sitting area of our living room in a loose


    summer dress I changed into, rubbing my eyes and yawning like I didn¡¯t just have myself the longest


    siesta. Blurry eyed, cooler due to efficient AC and generally in a happier mood now I have slept. I


    wander towards the long leather L shaped couch where Alexi is sitting to slide down beside him and


    curl up next to that sexy body of his.


    He¡¯s on hisptop with his phone propped to his ear, leaning forward to the coffee table and has a


    brown file of papers open to his right. He¡¯s working so I just lie down beside him and push my feet


    against his thigh to have some contact. I must have slept for a couple of hours at least as the lunchtime


    sun that was up when we got here is now lower in the sky which suggestste afternoon. I twirl my hair


    and watch him, feeling wholly content, sighing with just how quickly the resentment and scars from how


    he was towards me in the past are fading. My heart brimming with the adoration I feel whenever I look


    at himtely. He runs a quick gentle stroke over my foot to acknowledge my presence but doesn¡¯t look


    my way.


    ¡°What else did you dig up?¡±


    He¡¯s talking to Mico I presume. I was a little shocked that our trip to Vegas was missing a ton of Carrero


    escorts until I overheard him and Gino, when we were heading to our rooms, talking about this hotel


    being secured by their Vegas rtives. Apparently, this hotel is connected to a branch that is being sold


    off to Carrero hotels and the security is already very Carrero embroiled from the other side of his family.


    His cousin Jake, along with his father and brother, are heading the takeover. Their family are merging


    two businesses into one and soon this five-star haunt will be emzoned with a gold pentagon and a


    giant C. It must be a massive undertaking as this chain of hotels was once the Carrero empire¡¯s biggest


    competitor.


    They are slowly taking over the high-ss world of hotels, spas and luxury cruisers from what I hear.


    ¡°My father is still siding with the board; my hands are tied unless something changes. She hasn¡¯t done


    anything to warrant a heavy-handed retaliation, so they want me to find a peaceful resolution.¡± He


    sounds pissed, it¡¯s subtle but that tension he tries to roll out of his shoulder highlights this is still a


    subject that¡¯s grating on him. Alexi likes to be in charge, so his family mping down on the course of


    action he wants to take is seriously pissing him off.


    I don¡¯t get why they care.


    She is a nothing woman trying to meddle in affairs she has no business in. Her family were ughtered


    and chased out of the city once before at their hands. I don¡¯t get why they would stop him from getting


    rid of the problem this time when she has shown she is just as ruthless as her father was.


    ¡°No. Don¡¯t. We will be back the day after tomorrow. Wait for me before we finalise the details. I need


    time to think this through and figure out how to approach it. Tell Santagato I will see him on my return.


    Keep everything low key as though nothing is amiss. We act like nothing has happened.¡± Alexi nods a


    few times as though listening to a response then says goodbye and hangs up, the scowl on his face


    deepening to a full throttle frown. He puts his phone on the table and finally leans back to scoop up one


    of my feet inrge strong hands. Startling me with the sudden attention.


    ¡°You feel better after your three-hour nap?¡± He pulls my leg so my foot ends up in hisp and rubs it


    gently, massaging my sole enjoyably. Obviously not in the mood to discuss his call or what I overheard.


    Alexi is deflecting and I don¡¯t want to talk about it anyway. That bitch can wait until we go home.


    ¡°Mmmm¡± His foot rub is divine, and I close my eyes to savour his hands on my body. Tingles creeping


    up my leg to my warmher regions. Alexi¡¯s touch is an aphrodisiac and already my mind is picturing


    him naked. He has always been good with his hands, even when he was being a jerk. He has a


    confident, firm touch and is good at working kinks out of all sorts of muscles. Getting his thumb right in


    there and teasing my limb into submission.


    ¡°Want to hang out here until dinner and have some fun or go act like tourists for a couple of hours?¡±


    I¡¯m literally torn. The thought of getting back in bed with him is an obvious first choice, but I did just


    spend hours in there and feel a little cooped up and in need of air. I want to explore with him and


    behave like normal people for a little while. I love him more when he¡¯s disconnected from his business


    face and out with me as just two people in love.


    Then again¡ªsex. With my dominant porn star.


    Decisions, decisions.


    I never thought I would ever like a man being in full control in sex, by choice or crave it with him as


    much as I do. I always assumed that should I ever have feelings for a man he would be someone who


    submitted to me in the bedroom and I would call the shots in every way. It¡¯s the only way I thought I


    would enjoy sex and feel safe with a man. Not Alexi. He is at his best when you let him take over, call


    the shots and manoeuvre you in any way he wants.


    I know I¡¯m safe with him; he wouldn¡¯t use that time between us to hurt me ever again. I would bet my


    soul on it.


    I trust him enough to know that we won¡¯t go backwards. He could have punished me after leaving the


    club. He was beyond mad and it was a prime example of the time he would have in the past. He didn¡¯t.


    Not even a little.


    He just wants to keep me safe and I need to stop being suspicious of his motives and rx with him.


    Seeing control when he is being cautious is my biggest w. He loves me. I need to just remind myself


    of that every second. Even if it¡¯s hard to feel like it¡¯s true sometimes. He gives me more than sex; he


    gives me him and tender moments, ess to his deeper gentle side. He gives me time away from his


    world so it¡¯s just Lexi And Cam.


    I know I will easily get both if that¡¯s what I want. Sightseeing with his alter ego and then sex. I¡¯m starting


    to understand the power I have over him and how he rarely refuses my requests. He¡¯s a soft touch for


    his little redhead and it¡¯s very cute.


    ¡°I want to have a soak in the tub, maybe after that, we can go wander and see some of Vegas. I feel


    dusty and sleep rumpled. You cane too if you like.¡± I throw him a sultry look, enticing him toe


    with me for some non-sexual intimacy and he continues to frown at me. Clearly has other ideas and


    sex was the answer he was aiming for.


    ¡°Go run your bath, I still have some calls to make. I¡¯lle keep youpany in a few minutes.¡± He


    lets go of my foot, leans over me so he can deliver a chaste peck on my lips at a full stretch and then


    moves back to return to his previous position, leaning towards hisptop. I can sense his tension, and


    this trantes to ¡®go let me unwind for a minute, maybe have a vodka¡¯.


    I roll off the couch, pulling my dress up as I do so and make a point of walking past the table and


    around it, so his line of vision catches me slowly sliding off the only covering I have on. A slow, sexy


    tease up and over my head that is meant to get him moving a little faster. I might not want sex right this


    second, but I do want him to follow and keep mepany.


    By the time I get back around behind the couch, I¡¯m trailing my dress behind me saucily and naked as


    a newborn baby. A nce backwards, a sultry side look and lip bite, catch him watching me walk away,


    eyes locked on my body, and I wink at him naughtily.


    ¡°I have more self-control than you think.¡± He points out and turns away with a smug smirk and picks up


    his phone. Makes a show of going back to hisptop, trying to prove a point and I stick my fingers up


    behind his back. Riled that he always has to show me he never going to be ledpletely by the nose


    when ites to me. No matter how good I am at it.


    I guess it¡¯s mutual. I won¡¯t ever by a ¡®yes, Sir¡¯ kind of woman, no matter how much I love him and how


    many times he makes me orgasm. I don¡¯t think I would want him to be a ¡®yes, Ma¡¯am¡¯ kind of guy either.


    Alexi is who he is, and his bossy dominant arsehole side is a huge part of what makes him sexy. If he


    got too soft and under the thumb, I think I would lose a lot of the sizzle I have in my pants for him.


    I exhale with defeat and just pad to the bathroom while shaking my head at him. Immediately turning on


    the taps when I get in and readying it for my soak. I drop my dress on the floor at the door and go about


    preparing myself in the nude.


    I tie my hair up on top of my head, cleansing my face in the mirror as my bath fills up insanely fast.


    Fogging out the reflection and filling the room with aromatic smells of the scents I poured in. A


    mountain of bubbles threatening to pour over the edge.


    I look fresh-faced and rosy-cheeked, and staring contentedly at myself I realise, for just a second, that I


    look different. It¡¯s not a major change, subtle but there. A softer almost surreal difference to my face


    that I cannot put my finger on.


    I look young and healthy and somehow ¡­ glowing. It¡¯s not the steam in the room or theck of


    makeup. I have no clue what it is, but I don¡¯t recall ever looking this alive and bright-eyed and cheery


    when I¡¯m not even smiling. I just look ¡­ happy. Youthful.


    I gaze for a long moment, zoning out in an empty nk daydream until the strong smell of my bath


    brings me back to the present and I realise it¡¯s almost overflowing.


    I shake it away and turn to the tub and turn off the taps, climbing in and sinking down into the very hot


    water to rest up against the edge with the attached headrest. Settling into a veryfortable, soothing


    position when surrounded by luxurious heat and that floaty feeling that water gives you. Submerging


    weary bones into a fully pleasurable weightless heat. Sighing with contentment at the unique joy of


    having yourself a bath. The most rxing thing in the world besides orgasm afterglow with Alexi.


    ¡°Thought you might want this.¡± Alexi startles me as he walks in, carrying red wine for me and brandy for


    him andys my ss on the edge beside my head. Coming to perch his butt on the rim of the tub and


    leans over me slightly, looming in and locking eyes. Still in his earlier outfit but his shirt is a little more


    wrinkled up.


    ¡°Thank you. Now get naked and get in.¡± I smile at him adoringly, but he just frowns at me once more.


    Dips his fingers in the tub and then shakes them off with even more of a furrow of those ck brows.


    ¡°I¡¯ll pass. I have not taken a bubble bath since I was about five years old.¡± He gets up, walks to the


    edge in the centre where a little wall juts out to join onto a low surface around the edge of the room,


    and sits down properly with more of a butt resting spot, to watch me soak.


    ¡°You¡¯re not getting to sit and watch me if you¡¯re noting in.¡± I point out. Annoyed that he thinks all I


    wanted was his presence in the room and not naked beside me. He has no sense of intimacy and how


    nice it might be to share a bath.


    Sex isn¡¯t everything.


    ¡°I would like to see you enforce that.¡± Again, with that smug tone and I can tell he¡¯s in that obtusely


    yful mode, yet still has that simmering aggressiveness of being pissed off. It makes for a weird mood


    and it¡¯s times like this he frustrates me.


    Petnt, childish and yet trying to be sociable.


    ¡°Fine ¡­ I just thought it would be romantic.¡± I sigh heavily.


    ¡°We already established that I don¡¯t follow the normal trends of romance.¡± He sips his booze,


    undeterred by my obvious disappointment and I eye roll at him. Losing the good mood vibes and


    irritated at him for hisck of cooperation for something so dumb.


    ¡°You know what? Forget it, I thought it would be nice. Go back to what you were doing.¡± It¡¯s a huffy


    response, born of lingering tiredness from the heat and just fragile sensitivity for no reason. I think I¡¯m


    still rattled from yesterday¡¯s events and I¡¯m being stupidly emotional. Can¡¯t seem to get myself in check


    since we got on the flight this morning.


    Maybe that¡¯s what downstairs with the receptionist was about too.


    Yesterday I could have died. Despite not having the normal reactions to severely traumatic events that


    most women have, they do still haunt me. Yesterday was a horrible day, with a frightening realisation of


    how easily my life could be snubbed out. Those men terrified me. If he had taken just a little longer to


    find me ¡­ it doesn¡¯t bare thinking about. He came for me, but it¡¯s still hanging over me like a dark cloud


    of regret. I was so stupid and almost handed myself over to certain death.


    I¡¯m not pissed at him, I¡¯m livid at myself.


    Alexi sighs heavily, stands up as if to leave, ruining what¡¯s left of my mood as a heaviness drags my


    stomach to the base of the bathtub and I resign myself to tears. Because that¡¯s what emotionally fragile


    and stupid girls do when their boyfriends unintentionally upset them.


    I stop mid internal rant at how much of an insensitive unromantic prick he is when he perches his ss


    at the end by my feet before unbuttoning his shirt slowly. Locking eyes on me and a hint of a


    begrudged smirk.


    ¡°I¡¯ll have to shower that smell off me after this. Why do women have to soak in floral scented bubbles?


    What¡¯s wrong with normal water?¡± He¡¯s grumpy, that hint of childishness breaking through because I


    won, and I perk up and can¡¯t stop the smile widening across my face. All doom and gloom jumping out


    the window to be reced with a sudden rush of ¡®I love you so much¡¯.


    Definitely hormonal and emotional today.


    ¡°Because it smells good and then so will I.¡± I grin at him, enamoured that he¡¯s taking a dip with me just


    to keep me happy. Overwhelmed with a need to squish him in a grateful hug. Fizzing up inside with


    tion.


    ¡°You tell my brother about this and I may smother you to death.¡± He pulls off his clothes quickly and I


    lean forward to perch my arms on the tub, crossing them, and rest my chin on the hollow as I watch the


    layers peel away to reveal all that muscled toned body and ck ink. Perving on him the way he did


    with me. Laughing at his threat and mentally filing it for future ckmail.


    ¡°You¡¯re such a baby.¡± I point out and bite on my lip to curb the hot urges that sh through me when he


    takes his boxers off.


    Even when it¡¯s not erect it¡¯s still impressive.


    ¡°I¡¯m not drunk enough to sit in there for more than ten minutes.¡± He warns me and then walks forward


    and steps in. Making ¡®ahh¡¯ and ¡®ouch¡¯ noises as his foot hits the water. I can only guess he¡¯s a pussy


    when ites to hot water.


    I like my baths at skin boiling temperatures.


    ¡°Jesus Christ, are you taking a bath or boiling soup? Cam, it¡¯s like five fucking thousand degrees in


    here.¡± He snaps, dances his limbs about in it as he tries to get in properly and makes it way more


    dramatic than it really is. I just stare at him with one raised brow and immediately re-evaluate his


    manliness as he bops his butt in and out a few times before even thinking aboutmitting to full-body


    submergence. It just kills all that alpha prowess dead, and he may have scarred me for life.


    ¡°Shut up and sit down.¡± I grab his hand as he ils his arms around and pull him to get him moving. I


    was hoping for an epic ssh as he fell in but he¡¯s too strong, and all I do is tug his arm, like a child


    wanting Mummy¡¯s attention.


    It¡¯s painful to watch a grown man the size of Alexi, slowly lower his derri¨¨re into the bath for the fifth


    time, stopping and lifting with ¡®ahh¡¯ noises before his butt actually hits the base. Kills any sexual urges


    dead.


    ¡°I¡¯m starting to think you were formed in hell ¡­ this is not rxing. Pretty sure my dick will fall off.¡± He


    sulks when slowly leaning back, arms up in the air to avoid adding them to the burning pit of hell at the


    same time as his torso.


    Property ? N?velDrama.Org.


    Baby!


    ¡°Jesus Christ. Its hot water, you absolute woman. Stop your moaning, lie back and chill out.¡± I assume


    the position as though demonstrating but he just sits as he is, reaches for his ss and downs it in one.


    Sitting stiffly upright and obviously afraid to lower any more skin into the water.


    ¡°Now what?¡± he asks expectantly. Staring at me like a child who just finished his candy and isn¡¯t


    satisfied.


    ¡°Umm, you lie back, close your eyes and let the water pull away all your stresses. Soften the tension


    out of your muscles.¡± I look to the ceiling in exasperation and go back to my pre-Alexi invasion


    lounging.


    He mumbles under his breath, something about sex being the answer to that and women being crazy.


    He huffs, he sighs, and he turns the simple act of lying back into a monumental effort that has me eye


    rolling so hard I almost strain an eyeball.


    ¡°You know you can just get out again if it¡¯s that horrendous.¡± I point out, feeling irritated that what


    should have been something romantic turned into Alexi reverting to the age of five and me feeling like a


    mother with an unruly child.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. I just need my skin to stop disintegrating, peeling off in chunks and then my skeleton can


    assume the pose.¡± He finally leans back and mirrors my pose, head on the padded waterproof cushion


    that is suction cupped to the edge and lifts one foot up so he can nudge me in the thigh and pushes me


    over further to one side roughly.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± I ask, lifting my head to fix my re on him. Annoyed that I¡¯m now being kicked,


    and he is making this whole experience infuriating.


    ¡°I¡¯m bigger than you are, I need more leg room.¡±


    He shoves me again, bodily with his knee and hip and almost sends me under a mini wave he causes


    with the motion.


    Ugh!


    ¡°Five minutes ago, you wanted to get out and now you¡¯re stealing my space. This is not how I


    envisioned this going.¡± Sighing heavily, shaking my head at him as I strain to look him in the eye. That


    sinking feeling that maybe, call me crazy, he might not be the romantic type who enjoys shared bubble-


    bath time.


    Shock.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see how this is romantic. Women are fucking weird. Sex in water is dry and awkward and


    slippery. What¡¯s romantic about getting naked and not being able to enjoy anything about it.¡± He


    genuinely sounds perplexed at this and that shrug sends me over the edge.


    ¡°That¡¯s it! Get out ¡­ I¡¯m never doing this again. Honest to God! If I ever suggest a romantic bath again,


    like ever, then give me a good hard shake and remind me you¡¯re a tosspot about it and a fucking baby.¡±


    I sit up, sending water sloshing everywhere and my wine ss falls in with the overflow, turning the


    area around me red for a second. It just adds to my annoyed sizzling temper, insides twisting with the


    anxiety his behaviour is giving me and ruining the calm I normally get from this pursuit.


    ¡°Thank fuck.¡± Alexi darts up and sloshes even more water over me, soaking my hair that I was trying to


    keep dry and just stands in front of me in all his glory. A little lobster red from the chest down and


    oblivious to the fact he is standing bollock naked, staring, while I simmer and rage at him.


    ¡°Can we go have sex now?¡± he asks innocently, and I throw my bloody head support at him, whipping it


    off its suction cups and aim right for his dick with aggressive intent. He dodges and bats it away and


    hits me with that devilish smile of his. Amused with his own behaviour despite my obvious rage.


    ¡°Fuck off, you wanker.¡±


    ¡°Enjoy your rose scented wine water. I will await you on the bed ¡­ take your time. I have third-degree


    burns to recover from.¡± He hops out, grabs a towel and saunters off with it, not even trying to cover up


    or dry himself and I flop back with an exasperated ¡®argh.¡¯


    ¡°Don¡¯t hold your breath. I happen to like long soaks that take hours!!¡± I yell after him, tone tight and


    snippy. Intent on punishing the sod for being his usual prick self.


    I won¡¯t make the mistake of trying to entice that tosser into something I deem romantic ever again.


    Alexi cannot be coerced. I should remember that.


    He thinks I don¡¯t know he deliberately goaded me into throwing him out; he knew exactly what he was


    doing. He wanted to act like he was making the effort and I did ask him, yet he¡¯s really not romantic at


    all.


    Dickhead.


    I should have known better!

 Chapter 172

    Chapter 172


    Alexi pulls out my chair as we seat ourselves at the dinner table at eight, standing beside it so as not to


    cage me from behind. Always aware of that little fact. Always making me love him all the more.


    We are in the grand burgundy and gold dining room of the ssy hotel, alone so far as we are first


    here, and he slides his hand down the open back of my silver sequin gown as he moves beside me to


    sit down. Trailing fingertips down to where the dress closes over my bum and runs gentle featherlight


    touches across the naked skin before pulling away. Igniting every nerve ending I possess.


    Tingles erupt across my skin and I blush at the memories of rolling about upstairs with him. Body still


    warm and glowing from the recent climax he gave me; I lean into him to deliver a kiss on that delicious


    mouth. Alexi cups my jaw lightly and kisses me properly, making me forget where we are, as he teases


    my lips apart seductively and gently caresses my mouth with his. Just a few moments of oblivion to our


    surroundings.


    Yes, I was pissed for a while, but after I enjoyed my soak in the tub for half an hour, I came out to find


    him wearing nothing but a smile and holding a bottle of champagne as a peace offering. I soon forgot


    what I was mad about and he had me giggling childishly. He is too irresistible to stay mad at for long


    and I know what those hands and that body are capable of. He still finds my weaknesses and utilises


    them to his full advantage and had me on the bed and moaning in under three minutes.


    Alexi ordered some light snacks to tide us over till tonight and we ate most of the food off each other¡¯s


    body as we got inventive. It quickly got very messy and sticky and then he moved me to the floor to


    remind me why I let him get away with being an unromantic shithead. The bed was disgusting by the


    time we finished and the champagne he poured over me to lick off stained everything. It required


    showering after, which of course was just an addition to our session and despite his ¡®water makes sex


    dry¡¯ he managed just fine to pin me against the wall and screw my brains out.This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    I think I have a serious addiction to the wild unleashed side of him. Even though he tends to prop my


    knees by my ears and show me who¡¯s boss. Forgets the human body has limits to flexibility and he is


    lucky I¡¯m pretty bendy.


    I treated him to one of my very finest blowjobs; finally got to show that man where my biggest talent


    lies. Pleased to say that he is a mere mortal and when sucked well, he can¡¯t hold off cumming for long


    at all, and now I know how to end a long sex session if my body decides enough is enough. He


    returned the favour and we never made it outside for any sort of sightseeing. Not that I¡¯mining.


    I¡¯m now soid back, rxed and satisfied it¡¯s like being tipsy on fine wine. It may be the copious


    amounts of champagne adding to my surreal dream-like state, but I feel good. Merry, chilled, nothing


    bothering me, and all my focus is on his little discreet touches on my leg under the table.


    It was to my great delight to inform tits on the main desk that our bed needed some clean bedding as


    we sexed it up, and now it was too filthy to sleep in. She almost choked when I told her, quite bluntly,


    what I meant by that.


    Alexi just gave me that sideways, amused look of seriousness and made no remark. I could tell,


    despite his silent, deadpan face, he was a little smug that I was broadcasting to little miss boobs that


    he was, in fact, a sex beast in the sack. He¡¯s a man after all. They do like to have their egos stroked


    and have girls profess all about their masterly skills to one another.


    Gino and Alessandra appear with smiles and air kisses as they pass and proceed to sit further around


    the huge table. It¡¯s barely seconds before I have time to drop my napkin on myp when Alexi stands


    up to greet our four other guests.


    Prompt, on time as he likes it and I turn myself to see the approaching Carrero cousins. Lexi pulls the


    first into a handshake and a manly half pat hug type manoeuvre.


    ¡°Rob, Georgie, good to see you again.¡± Alexi moves between them and embraces the second of the


    men. I don¡¯t even need a DNA test to tell who they are. They have fairer hair than the standard ck of


    most of the Carreros, but the features and piercing blue eyes are a giveaway. Height, build, and that


    annoying Hollywood sexy smile. They are brothers and obviously cousins of Alexi and Gino. Either that


    or the illegitimate sons of his father.


    They have two women in tow, both blonde, leggy, pretty things and they are introduced as the wives,


    it¡¯s brief hurried as though their presence is unimportant. Not that it¡¯s a shock, this is the general way of


    men in Alexi¡¯s world; woman equals object. They don¡¯t get formal intro¡¯s and when they do, it¡¯s brief


    and uninteresting.


    ¡°This is Cami Walters, my girlfriend.¡± Alexi helps me stand and I take a moment to gawp, a weird


    startled look as the words pour so effortlessly out of his mouth. Both for the proper introduction and the


    way he just says it so easily while putting me in between himself and the men to shake hands.


    WOW.


    Never in a million years did I think that sentence would roll so smoothly from this man¡¯s tongue. The


    fact he presents me and brings me to his side for a formal meet and greet is also another strange


    move. I¡¯m not being used to charm or coerce the men; therefore, my presence doesn¡¯t need much


    attention. Alexi is acting like a proud owner of a shiny new toy, showing it to his peers. This is not the


    done thing. Even I know that, and the odd strained looks on the faces of this party of four says it all.


    ¡°Howdy. You sure are a pretty little thing.¡± They almost say it in unison, with a very odd ent for


    Carrero men. Slightly southern and not native to Vegas or New York which makes me blink twice, and


    it¡¯s obvious it¡¯s an emptypliment from two men wondering why their cousin just made an extra


    point of introducing a girlfriend.


    I assumed all Carrero men came from the same batch and would all have that little half hint of an


    authentic Italian ent hidden in the upper-ss New York dialect, like Alexi.


    Introductions are made between everyone, polite hugs and handshakes before we are all finally seated


    and the men almost instantly jump into talks about the casino, they have been scoping out here. It¡¯s


    obvious they have done the groundwork for Alexi and I sit and mull over the menu to let them talk.


    Feeling that overbearing weight of ¡®women shall not be heard¡¯ing over from that side of the table.


    Introductions forgotten.


    Alessandra is wearing sunsses already, seeing as she and Gino got very drunk while having noisy


    sex all afternoon. We heard them when Alexi opened the door for our food cart and texted Gino to tell


    him the halls were echoing with the noise they were making. This hotel has two penthouse apartments,


    in what used to be one huge one. They share a hall with us with a door directly opposite ours.


    The two of them are still in the stage of parties and wild living with her being a model who travels a lot.


    Every time they get together, they go wild, ording to Lexi. When she is home, they get a little crazy


    together, horny, smashed and loud and now she is silently regretting the amount of chardonnay she


    downed.


    The other women arepletely silent and it¡¯s eerie. They don¡¯t even converse with each other; they


    stare at their menus, sses of water and then tes while they await the menfolk to pick food. I watch


    them feeling somewhat bemused that this archaic 1950s type of woman still exists.


    The carefully chosen modest clothes, the perfect, groomed appearance of eptable, good Christian


    wives and both have dainty silver crosses around their neck dering their faith. I can¡¯t help ncing to


    and from women to men and then Alexi and it¡¯s obvious there is a huge difference here.


    Gino and Alessandra are oblivious, but I can smell the intensely religious influence and the old-


    fashioned pecking order of women who know their ce. Women who don¡¯t look up and make eye


    contact without permission.


    These are women who obey their men. Something I know is normal among families steeped in tradition


    and I catch myself ncing at Alexi and contemting it. I wonder if this is expected of the married


    women in his family. I wonder if I ever married him would his need to lord over me intensify like it did in


    the beginning and he would coerce and push me into another ¡®Yes, Sir¡¯. The thought gives me a


    horribly abrupt drop in the pit of my stomach and cold goosebumps bristle over my whole body.


    I just couldn¡¯t live that way.


    They are like mindless bots awaiting permission to breathe or be seen.


    Downcast eyes, sullen expressions and I can imagine sex is given when ordered and probably


    missionary once the bloom of the honeymoon period has worn off.


    ¡°Are you ready to order?¡± A waitresses to the side of the table beside the first blonde and she


    blushes profusely without looking up. Instantly ufortable at being singled out first. That immediate


    uneasy reaction and her eyes fly to her husband who is deep in conversation and unaware. I can see


    the hesitation all over her face and body as she tries to figure out how to behave withoutmand.


    Too caught up in knowing her ce that she won¡¯t interrupt him to draw attention.


    It¡¯s pathetic and just makes the bile in my stomach rise faster. That edge of ¡®fuck no¡¯ing up and


    over me.


    ¡°Ma¡¯am?¡± The waitress tries again, sounding a little less patient but gets the same rabbit in the


    headlight response. A woman unable to speak without permission, fumbling with her napkin and


    refusing to look the server¡¯s way. It¡¯s excruciating to watch really, and I butt in to save her soul from


    going to hell, or wherever naughty Christian girls go when they enrage their masters.


    ¡°I¡¯m starving and almost ready to eat Lexi¡¯s tie. God, these men know how to make us wait. I¡¯ll have the


    steak, rare with a side sd and your finest house red wine.¡± I push out brazenly, interrupting the tense


    standoff and loud enough to be heard. A weird deathly stillness drops into my orbit and the two women


    immediately stop, eyes widening as they stare at me with crimson blushes spreading across their


    petrified faces. They both seem to stop breathing. The whole table falls silent. I could hear a pin drop


    and try not to react with the sudden deafening quiet.


    Alexi looks around to see what has happened, with the sudden change of atmosphere to an ice-cold


    chill, and one of the men frowns at me before whipping the menu out of his wife¡¯s hand and sternly


    orders meals for them both. He doesn¡¯t even ask her what she wants and just tosses her menu back


    when he is done. Cousin two follows suit and then Gino and Alessandra order for themselves quickly


    while no one seems to take a breath.


    There¡¯s a weird strained tension all around us, like a heavy smog and finally Alexi pipes in to break it.


    ¡°Steak for me too ¡­ make it a bottle of red for the two of us and I will have a straight brandy while we


    wait. She¡¯s right, we are all famished, and thedies shouldn¡¯t wait to eat while we men talk shop.¡± He


    doesn¡¯t seem at all flustered in the way the men are behaving but I can feel eyes eating into me,


    summarising the cause and realise that Alessandra is being oddly quiet too.


    I don¡¯t like the vibes I¡¯m getting. I can tell I just broke some unspoken rule of etiquette for this family


    and I¡¯m regretting it profusely. I don¡¯t want Alexi mad at me for something so dumb.


    ¡°Where wee from the women wait for the men because they know their ce. It¡¯s a sign of


    respect.¡± One of the men butts in harshly, obviously not impressed with Alexi flippantly palming off the


    situation.


    Rob looks at me pointedly, a weird snarly tinge on the corner of his mouth of pure disdain that a woman


    stepped out of line and I just stare right back at him, hackles rising and that fiery pit of hotva in my


    stomach swirls. Brewing for a showdown. He¡¯s trying to intimidate me, which I must admit is working,


    but I¡¯ll be damned if I back down to this arsehole and show him he has dominance over me. He is not


    my lord and master, no man is. Not even Alexi fucking Carrero!


    I don¡¯t care if I broke a rule. I¡¯m a free person and I can up and walk away if I want to. They have no


    power over me.


    I don¡¯t get the chance to reply though, even though my sarcastic response is lingering on my lips,


    poised and scathing.


    ¡°Well, she¡¯s not from there and it¡¯s not how I expect her to be. My woman has a mind of her own and


    knows exactly where her ce is. She doesn¡¯t need to be reprimanded by anyone who isn¡¯t me!¡±


    Alexi¡¯s tone is loaded even if it¡¯s said in a friendly way, and I watch the silent tug of war that goes on


    between him and the lighter-haired Carrero. That power imbnce as the other man, clearly older than


    Alexi, bites his tongue from a harsh bacsh. Eyes locked, a million trantions in tiny looks and it¡¯s


    obvious Alexi can out-stare him any day of the week. I recoil a little inside, although no longer worried


    that he will scold me for my faux pas and just loving him even more for standing up for me.


    ¡°Wait till you¡¯re married and it all changes. Women need discipline and leadership. They learn or they


    suffer for the disrespect.¡± Cousin two, the one called Georgie pipes in, grinning smugly, trying to


    interject a little lightness with his words, despite the content being despicable and I can feel their wives


    trying to disappear under the table across from me. He ces a hand on his wife¡¯s thigh and squeezes


    hard, emitting a grimace from her and she flushes seven shades redder. It¡¯s obvious she doesn¡¯t like


    his public manhandling, and I wonder if arranged marriages are still a thing in families where title and


    connections still matter as much as money.


    I would never have paired them normally. Either that or she is miss prim and proper and God may burn


    her soul in hell for having some public form of contact with her husband. I have heard worse.


    Alessandra clears her throat and also seems to revert to submissive so suddenly, shocking for her


    normally brassy, bold self and it finally clicks. My brain giving me a shake.


    Alessandra has dealt with this family for years andes from an Italian family much like theirs. It¡¯s a


    different set of rules when in the presence of Alexi¡¯s family, and the far-out wider circle of Carrero. She


    knows how to act with these people and is toeing the line. It¡¯s aplete contrast to the outspoken sex


    goddess I have known in my brief time but it¡¯s a hint that I have no idea what I¡¯m dealing with.


    They have different values and opinions about their women in different sectors, and this attitude is


    more in keeping with other mob families and how they treat their worthless sex dolls. The man I first


    met in Alexi was like this with his women. Be silent and be obedient, but he¡¯s not like that with me


    anymore; I have never seen it with his cousins or twin and their women either, or any of the men


    around us constantly, so I do not think it¡¯s the norm for the New York family at all.


    Alexi obviously had the influences in his life though, which suggests more of the Carrero line is like this,


    just not the ones from The Hamptons and the city.


    I know the branch in London was equally vile with women, now that I know the rkes are Carreros.


    They treated their wives like objects, as far as the rumour went, and no women they were seen with


    appeared to be their wives. Escorts and dates were always whores.


    ¡°Her ce is wherever she chooses it to be. I don¡¯t need to silence my woman to earn her respect.


    Cam knows how to be when I need her to be a certain way. This is family, she doesn¡¯t need to be


    anything but herself in your presence.¡± Alexi grits his teeth, that edge of anger moving in, annoyed for


    me, biting with that sh of famous temper and Gino coughs and leans forward. He can sense Alexi


    growing agitated and we all know what an unpredictable explosion that can be.


    ¡°New York is a lot different to bama, Rob. Women are far more independent and outspoken. We just


    had to learn to roll with the punches and loosen the leashes a little. They are harder work but that¡¯s


    where the fun lies. Alexi likes a challenge and Cami is definitely that for him; he would never be


    happy with servitude and nods in his chosen one.¡± Gino is trying to joke and calm the atmosphere in his


    smileyid back way, but I can already feel the tension in Alexi thickening the surrounding air. My cool,


    controlled one has zero patience when ites to me, even I have figured that one out. It¡¯s the one


    chink in that facade I used to be unnerved by. Mr Control is incapable of keeping his shit together when


    you add me to the equation.


    It¡¯s sweet but a total shitty weakness considering what he does.


    ¡°Well, you have certainly changed. Last time we met up your date was both obedient and silent and


    understood the meaning of the men taking the lead. Are you going soft cuz? Over a piece of skirt ¡­ is


    she really that good of a fuck? Or maybe you just lost your touch in keeping your bitch under control


    and making excuses.¡± Smirking, smug arsehole, acting superior towards his cousin and even I know


    that is the absolute wrong move.


    I don¡¯t like him.


    I snarl subtly and re at the conceited moron, grasping my napkin to curb the urge to tell him to go


    choke on his brother''s dick.


    This Carrero is a massive knob jockey, and I, honest to God, would love to see him talk to me this way


    back in New York, surrounded by Mico and Jackson. Pretty sure both of them would have something to


    say.


    Wanker.


    ¡°Watch your mouth. I¡¯m warning you.¡± Alexi growls, startling me with his sudden interjection, that low


    sadistic tone of the devil that used to terrify me to death. Such few words, precise, slow but loaded with


    meaning and the heaviness of my anxiety is painful with the sudden death chill.


    It¡¯s the way he always used to rein in control in any given scenario. It means he¡¯s most likely bordering


    on snapping necks.


    I can¡¯t breathe in properly, just the memory of who he can be when riled, and even Gino falls quiet.


    Alexi is teetering on a cliff edge. It¡¯s that evil husky note of ¡®everyone in this room should be very afraid¡¯


    I know only too well.


    Everyone does


    ¡°He didn¡¯t mean anything by it. No disrespect Alexi. You¡¯re the head of the family and he forgets


    himself.¡± Its George butting in, stammering sheepishly, trying to eyeball his brother to back off and


    looking less assured. Trying to tame his brother in the way Gino is trying to diffuse this pissing contest,


    and I can see which of the four got the alpha genes and which got the peacemaker ones. It¡¯s so tense


    that the air crackles.


    It seems though that Alexi¡¯s tone is universally feared. Even arsehole Rob looks less cocky and nerves


    are peeking through in the way his eye twitches ever so slightly under Alexi¡¯s unbreakable and


    unmistakably angry stare.


    I broke a rule of etiquette within this hierarchy. I dared to speak first and order my food without


    permission from my man. This is the aftermath and now dinner is going to be a fucking ball.


    I feel sick. Anxiety gives way to nausea and I clench my hands on myp under the table to hide my


    difort. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Sure my heated face is the red


    blush of embarrassment at causing this. My body stiff and on high alert, blood running cold.


    I expected this kind of opposition in his world of men in suits back home, but not between family. His


    own men. It reminds me that this world is bigger than us, and Alexi isn¡¯t the monster I once believed


    him to be. He shows me more respect than these men show their own wives. He has always given me


    a sense of safety, even when he was being the devil. I never really gave him credit for that before.


    Rob tenses his jaw and furrows his brow rather menacingly, sits back in his chair so he¡¯s no longer


    leaning on the table but it¡¯s all posturing and I can tell his fight has died. His whole demeanour takes on


    that of a sulky teen rather than a grown man itching to battle. Backing down because he is no match for


    his cousin. Alexi, the stealth, still growling darkness by my side, has one arm resting casually and his


    whole body is poised as though he¡¯s unaffected. That means he is about a second away from jumping


    over the table and breaking bones.


    ¡°Yeah, I forget that even though I¡¯m older, had way more time and experience under your father¡¯s


    guidance, I was bypassed for my kid cousin, who was still in diapers. Sorry.¡± The tone matches the look


    and it¡¯sughable. Moody man child that has reverted in years in the blink of an eye and his insult is


    petty. Even Alexi frowns with a look of ¡®what was that?¡¯


    It all makes sense and falls neatly into ce with that begrudged and venomous statement though.


    Rob was meant for the role of leader, wanted it, expected it, but Alexi swept in and took it from him. I¡¯m


    guessing he assumes Alexi¡¯s father had a role in his own son taking over, but I know that is far from the


    truth. Alexi was made for this role and his family saw it against all his father¡¯s wishes.


    You can¡¯t deny natural gifts.


    The air between them may have seemed friendly at first nce but the jealousy andpetitiveness


    are there lingering between us all. Now it¡¯s been highlighted I can see it seeping from every pore of the


    man. Wearing it like a thick cloak.


    Not all Carrero men are charming. Some of them are meant for the world in which I grew up and it


    makes more sense to me now that their family has been known for generations as heavy-handed and


    ruthless gangsters. The hearts of the Carreros I know is not in all of them. They are unique.


    Power mad, cruel and petty is the norm. I will bet your bottom dor this branch of the family treats their


    women with less care than Alexi¡¯s part in every way. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if they used fist and foot to


    punish them into submission and broke them down mentally. Much like the men I have known in my


    past. Much like he did to me when I was the enemy.


    I move slightly closer to Alexi, that same old fear wing up inside me when men who show a cruel,


    violent side peeks out and I¡¯m the focus. I press my leg against his thigh to feel more grounded and


    take a littlefort from feeling his strong body so close to me. His natural heat reverberating through


    my naked leg.

 Chapter 173

    Chapter 173


    He would never let them insult me or hurt me. That safety and security I get from him is an instant balm


    as the warmth of his body flows through at our point of contact and calms me instantly.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t visibly react to my moving to him, but his foot slides towards me and he rests his knee


    against mine as a subtle message that he feels my unease. It¡¯s a small tiny movement but I understand


    its intention, and I¡¯m immediately soothed with knowing he¡¯s as in tune to me as I am to him nowadays.


    He¡¯s reassuring me that he¡¯ll always fight my corner.


    ¡°I can¡¯t help that I had a natural aptitude where you didn¡¯t. Some of us are more capable of handling


    things. Now shut up and focus on why I¡¯m here. I¡¯m losing patience and you don¡¯t want me pissed ¡­


    younger cousin I may be, but I won¡¯t hesitate to remind you who the fucking boss is.¡±


    Alexi doesn¡¯t waste time in acting it either. He¡¯s asserting his authority and the energy is building in him


    rapidly. I can feel iting from every pore, psyching him up to act should he need to show them who


    is boss. That level of anger and cool controlbined sends shivers down my spine and even I sit up


    and take note. Poised like a panther, hostility brewing and apleteck of care that we are in a


    crowded restaurant. Alexi is confident, this hotel is partially Carrero owned, and he doesn¡¯t have to be


    so careful in his behaviour here. Money can make so much go away.


    The two men tense, hold their gazes on his face, turning a tad whiter inplexion and I jump when a


    ss is swung in front of me from my other side surprisingly.


    ¡°I¡¯ll drink to that,¡± Gino chimes in, shoving the vessel a little too close to my face to let me know I¡¯m


    being shielded from both sides, and eyeballs the cousin as intensely as his twin is doing. A little backup


    and visually saying he will join in the fucking up of these men should they continue to pursue it. Gino


    may not be a cold sadist like his brother, but I don¡¯t doubt he has enough of the cray-cray gene to make


    an impact and he wouldn¡¯t let his brother battle on his own.


    They shared a womb after all and came from a single cell.


    I realise thating here with only these two was maybe not wise if there is animosity between parts


    of their family that he never warned me about. Surely, he should have brought backup if he expected


    something like this. He told Mico and Jackson to stay put along with all his other escorts so we could


    have a free weekend with no third wheels. He said he wanted this to feel like a weekend getaway,


    rather than just business.


    I thought all the Carreros were a united front with a wealth of loyalty and respect, not a simmering feud


    between these men. I find it odd that Alexi wants toe here and buy a casino to retire in, with these


    men as his support system. He must be insane.


    Rob loses all venom instantly and drops his eyes to the table; his posture immediately ckens, and he


    sighs heavily before ncing at his brother and lifting his head once more.


    Obvious defeat and withdrawal.


    Thank God.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Forgive me. I talk out of turn and I mean no disrespect. I¡¯m somewhat shocked after thest


    girl seemed to be so stereotypical for what you date.¡± He is backtracking, remembering who he is


    fucking with and relenting. Not as dominant as he likes to make out¡ªall hot air and no spark¡ªbark


    without a bite.


    I physically breathe out heavily with relief.


    ¡°The reason thest girl isn¡¯t here today is that she bored me quickly, as do all nodding obedient little


    doorsteps with no backbone. There¡¯s no challenge if there is nothing to tame,¡± he adds in a less


    dangerous even tone. An obvious insult at his cousins¡¯ choices of wives and their rtionships in


    general, and I feel a little smug at his sarcastic reply.


    High five, Alexi.


    I have to say, though, his sentiment is a revtion to hear. I always assumed he wanted submission


    and obedience in a woman. It kind of exins why he fell for me. I have always been far too rebellious


    for my own good. Even afraid of him I still stood up to him asionally.


    ¡°You disrespect my woman again ¡­ I will shoot you in the fucking face. I may be your blood, but I¡¯m


    your boss first and foremost and it will do you well to remember that.¡± Alexi snaps, anger breaking


    loose just enough to get the point across, and both men sit like stone with zero reaction. Chastised and


    remembering he has the skill and means to carry through on a threat like that.


    ¡°Understood.¡± It¡¯s George who talks first and then Rob nods and holds out a hand to Alexi in a show of


    submission. Shaking his hand to end this weird and tense dinner fight. It may have been brief but I feel


    like itsted for long minutes. Alexi watches their united hands for a moment as he grasps it firmly and


    then tightens his grip when Rob moves to release it and sit back.


    That moment of confusion passes over Rob¡¯s expression in an rming second as his own knuckle


    and wrist pales with the force they are being squeezed free of cirction. Alexi likes subtle intimidation


    and a show of aggression in a small way. Tyler didn¡¯t fare well with a tie choke, so I assume this is


    meant in the same way. I hold my breath and try to pretend I¡¯m not looking by staring at my dinner


    settings, but I can still see him from the corner of my eye. Heart rate elevating.


    ¡°She will be my wife one day, and she will stand as my right hand. If you value your ce in our


    empire, I suggest you apologise to her and show the same respect you show our mothers. You know


    the wife of the head holds the same power ofmand and will have a foothold over your head soon


    enough.¡± Alexi¡¯s own knuckles whiten as he applies real force and the grimace on Rob¡¯s face suggests


    he is in crushing pain. He nods, profusely and stammers at me sloppily.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Miss ¡­ umm ¡­ Walters. I ¡­ umm ¡­ mean no disrespect. My apologies.¡±


    I¡¯m too distracted by what Alexi just said to really take in his shitty apology and I just nod distractedly


    and offer him a vague smile. My brain losing interest andtching onto something that sparked my


    inner devious. I forget tense, anxious and uneasy and zoom right into some little words.


    All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    ¡°Sure whatever. No harm no foul.¡± I mutter half-heartedly, waving a dismissive hand and forgetting my


    nervespletely.


    Alexi lets him go and he yanks his arm back to rub his tender digits while Alexi sits back smoothly as


    though nothing happened. Mr cool and controlled once more and carefully smooths his shirt and tie out


    to regain that suaveposure. Didn¡¯t even break a sweat.


    My brain, however, is running over two points. Alexi reckons we will marry ¡­ okay, not that much of a


    shock considering he has now brought it up a couple of times today and the day I do, if I do, I have the


    same power in his family as he does.


    That¡¯s crazy.


    Themand thing ¡­ I never knew that the women in this family also gained a title, so to speak, when


    married to the boss. It makes sense. If anything happened to Alexi, such as prison or kidnapping then I


    would assume control in his absence. I had heard of this in the past with mob families and now I feel


    stupid for not even thinking it.


    If I marry him, I be Mrs King Carrero¡ªQueen Carrero, and I have a say in what happens to


    bitches who try to end my life.


    If Alexi couldn¡¯t give amand, then I wonder if I could.


    I blink at him, that dreadful Marianne running through my head and I falter for a second about whether


    his men would follow my instruction and deal with her if I married him this weekend in Vegas. The clogs


    turning, the wheels moving, and I can see an answer to his family blocking him from making a move.


    He can¡¯t issue the killmand ¡­ but I could.


    I could literally end all of this so easily, for both of us. Take away the threat and get some control back.


    The thought crosses my mind and I immediately push it away again as stupid and impulsive. It¡¯s a


    maniption for an oue, and I shouldn¡¯t even think of doing it for that reason.


    I should want to marry him because I love him. At this point in our journey, we are wing at some


    honesty to build something real, and here I¡¯m deviously thinking of a n to use what he is to me for


    my own ends.


    After everything we have gone through, lies and games, maniption and misunderstandings. It would


    ruin us if I used this to get what I want. I don¡¯t want to harm what we have growing between us. I want


    to be trusted and to trust him. I can¡¯t ask him to never betray me and then do exactly that.


    Isn¡¯t that what we are trying to learn to do? Isn¡¯t that why he is trying to show me he can be someone


    else just for me?


    It¡¯s there though. In my brain swirling around and I wonder about it a little too long. Guilt eating at me


    rapidly inside as I honestly ponder it with some real depth.


    Mico would know if it was a possibility. He wouldn¡¯t lie to me. And Mico would carry out the order


    should Imand it as Mrs Carrero. I know he would. He respects the code of their family as much as


    Alexi does, and now it¡¯s in my head, I can¡¯t stop turning over the idea with a real invested interest.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t move you from the south to Vegas to have you give me doubts. Are you sure you are up to the


    task of taking direction and running my Casino?¡± Alexi¡¯s stern tone wades in over my thoughts, bringing


    me back to the fact they have still been talking while I zoned out, and I watch the two brothers shift in


    their chairs. One looks uneasy while the morebative just looks moody. I don¡¯t know what else I


    missed, but that tension is still in the air and Alexi is no more rxed than when he was delivering


    death threats.


    ¡°We spent years on the outside of the family, it takes some adjustinging back into the fold and


    having to toe the line under a younger cousin.¡± Rob has lost that arrogance and seems almost


    submissive in his approach now and I wonder about the history there. What actually went on in this


    family to cause a rift.


    ¡°Ladies. I suggest you all go powder your nose before dinneres to the table. We need a few


    minutes.¡± Alexi casts an eye around the table, obviously needing to chat this out with his cousin away


    from an audience of inferior women, and I almost jump in fright as the other three leap to it and vacate


    like scared little rabbits. I guess the tension of the conversation had them all poised to flight. I, on the


    other hand, raise a brow at mymanding man and catch his eye, with that hint of refusal brewing


    inside. Despite myself, I just cannot back down and obey him when he throws orders my way, it¡¯s a


    knee-jerk reaction I can do nothing about.


    Alexi¡¯s stern expression softens as he turns to me smoothly. He leans in close, so his mouth grazes my


    ear, his breath fanning my cheek intimately; to the men, it looks like a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye.


    ¡°Please, baby. I need a few minutes alone with them.¡± It¡¯s softly spoken, for my ears only and pulls a


    huge satisfied smile to my face. Purring like a Cheshire cat as I lean back to lock adoring eyes on my


    hunky specimen and overflow with stupid joy at such a simple thing.


    ¡°He¡¯s learning!¡± I mock sweetly as I too push my chair back and give him an appreciative peck on the


    cheek to reward him for being a good boy. Slight lipstick marking him for his efforts. Happiness


    bouncing about ten feet higher.


    Alexi just looks indulgently at me, trails his fingers up my leg seductively, out of sight of the others as I


    get up and swan away merrily, shaking my arse for his benefit because I can feel his eyes following me


    out the door. Even with a tiny almost nothing touch and a whisper, he melts my knickers and improves


    my mood tenfold.


    It only takes a moment to catch up with Alessandra at the bathroom entrance in the foyer and the two


    blonde Stepford wives hurry in ahead of us. In case we infect them with our boldness.


    God forbid.


    Alessandra grabs my wrist before I follow and pulls me back beside her, leaning in close and hushes


    her voice to a low level. Her face is serious and devoid of that normal sassy spark. She looks hungover


    but there¡¯s a tension in the depth of those dark eyes.


    ¡°Be cautious with those two. Watch what you say in front of them in here. They are programmed to


    repeat all to their menfolk.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± It¡¯s an impulsive response even though I had gathered these women were not the type I could


    confide my hopes and desires in.


    ¡°The Carreros had a rift for many years and one of Alexi¡¯s uncles took his family South because of it. I


    know Gino and Alexi don¡¯t think I know what goes on with their family, I just choose to pretend to not


    know. I don¡¯t know those women in the way I know the other women who married in, so just be wary.


    They do not have the same values as the rest of the family and their father-inw is a very cold man


    with his eye on still controlling the Carrero empire one day.¡± That heavy Italian ent of hers isced


    with warning and I lean in closer and match the volume of her voice. Fast bing ustomed to my


    new friend, and deep down, since the first time I met her, I get the feeling I can trust her


    wholeheartedly.


    ¡°Why is Alexi choosing to have them involved then if the ulterior motive is to take over?¡± I nch, skin


    prickling in reaction to the thought all is not always merry and loyal within this family. The thought of


    some back-stabbing mongrel trying to pull the wool over my Lexi¡¯s eyes has me spitting fire in a


    nanosecond. Fiercely protective of him and ready to brandish my ws to defend him.


    ¡°Alexi¡¯s father wants to reunite his family and well, Lex always wants to make him proud. The cousins


    are more willing toe back than their father is, and this is a way of mending bridges after they


    picked Alexi over Rob to be next in line. Alexi is a good man; he will do as his father asks and try to


    bond them once more. Family is everything to him, but he is not stupid. He knows there is a possibility


    of betrayal but he likes to keep his enemies close so he can predict their next move.¡± She nces


    around to make sure no one is listening.


    ¡°Giving them a position of power for a few years and rebuilding something to work on while keeping a


    watchful eye. That¡¯s the Alexi I know. God, I¡¯m so d I was an only child and have absolutely no


    rtives still living that bother with me. Family politics is way too restrictive and exhausting.¡± I sigh


    heavily and rx a little as her hold on me falls away.


    ¡°I know none of them well at all and the men give me a very bad vibe. Not all Carreros have the same


    moral code. There are a couple of branches who have very dark hearts.¡± Alessandra looks nervous and


    lowers her voice to an almost inaudible sound and I sense real fear in the depths. I forget, that despite


    her brassy ways, she has led a rtively sheltered life and probably never really brushed the darker


    side of her future family. She doesn¡¯t know men in Alexi¡¯s world and will never see that ugly side of life.


    Gino would never allow her to.


    ¡°I think you call that the vibe of a wife beater. They seem pretty controlling and anti-strong woman if you


    ask me.¡± I nod towards the bathroom door with a toss of my hair and sassy little chin lift. Despising the


    cowering doorsteps in the midst.


    ¡°They are old school, much like many Italian men in this family. The older generation sees the women


    as nothing more than child bearers and servants. These women are what they like in a wife¡ª


    submissive and docile. Alexi wouldn¡¯t allow anyone who hits their woman to work for him, so I assume


    it¡¯s not how it appears.¡±


    ¡°I suppose. For all his scary and hostile, Alexi is not a woman beater.¡± I sigh with major adoration and


    Alessandra grins at me from under thickshes and beautiful deep dark eyes. Not missing one beat of


    affection in my tone.


    ¡°You are both so beautifully in love. Alexi isplicated, but since he met you, I see more of his softer


    sideing back. He used to be such a sweet boy but over the years he hardened so much, became


    so cold and distant. I see him again when you are by his side.¡± She touches my arm softly, a gentle


    moment from someone with a deep affection for my devil. She has known him a long time and I¡¯m


    touched by her genuine affection for him.


    ¡°If you had told me that a few weeks ago, I would haveughed and called you a liar outright, but now


    ¡­ I can believe it. I¡¯m seeing apletely new side to himtely and I can almost forget who he can


    be at times,¡± I admit quietly. Still bowled over when I stop and really think about it. Looking back now it


    all seems like a blurry dream and a man who never existed. His actions fading the past away into


    nothing, the longer I¡¯m by his side.


    ¡°Alexi needs someone who understands all sides of him and their necessity to exist. Don¡¯t try to change


    him too much. He has a very important role to y and that hard edge of his keeps him safe, keeps all


    of us safe. He needs to be loved, dark side and all, no exceptions.¡±


    She knows way more than she makes out and I smile at her knowingly. Hearing her loud and clear.


    God bless her clever little heart.


    ¡°I know. I don¡¯t n on changing him, just the parts I have to live with.¡± I assure her, understanding


    what she means in every word.


    It¡¯s because it¡¯s what I need too.


    Unconditional love from someone who knows your worst and just epts it for what it is. No apologies,


    no usations or harbouring grudges for the scars we bear. We get each other and we love each other


    without limits.


    ¡°Nowe on before they wonder why we are dyed. They will be whispering about us, huh,


    Bambino? Think we are all lovey together. Kissy kissy!¡± Alessandraughs, that hearty husky, sexy way


    she has, all heavy Italian, and I smile at her joke. Not that I would turn down getting one on one with


    her if I was drunk enough. She¡¯s hot and I appreciate a girl who can do things men would never think


    of.


    Alessandra yanks on my wrist and leads me into the bathroom to grace thepany of our silent,


    feeble dinner guests.

 Chapter 174

    Chapter 174


    The rest of dinner is anticlimactic, uneventful and about as interesting as the fifteen minutes we spent


    in thedies¡¯ room making polite strained conversation. Everyone seems to be on their best behaviour


    after the interlude and the meal goes on with no more drama.


    It¡¯s not exactly rivetingpany or thrilling conversation. The majority is discussing the casino, family,


    New York and stock markets. I swear, for a moment, I forgot Alexi is even a crime lord at all when he


    can be exceedingly convincing at ying boring businessman and ys nice with imbeciles and their


    puppy dog wives.


    Alessandra and Gino are itching to get the night going, I can sense it seeping from them. Alessandra


    told me in the bathroom we are heading out to a club after this, just the four of us. To party the night


    away and I¡¯m notining, after spending most of the day in bed. I want to experience a night out


    like we had in Miami with the way Alexi and I are now. I think it would increase the enjoyment tenfold,


    being able to curl on hisp and get crazily drunk and horny before letting him carry me back to our


    shared bed.


    That has me excited with anticipation for a good fun filled night, drunken crazy sex with my hot Italian


    and thenzing away in bed with him as we recover. Sounds like heaven.


    I still really love the fact that I get to sleep beside him every night. It¡¯s weird, something I¡¯m not used to


    and aplete novelty I¡¯m still in the throes of treasuring. I never thought I would ever look forward to


    sharing a bed with a man on a long-term basis, let alone actually want to be in a rtionship with one. I


    never thought I had it in me to not run a thousand miles from a man trying to trap me into his life this


    way, yet here I am. Not even attempting an escape.


    The opposite in fact. I look forward to climbing into bed with him, even if all we do is curl up close and


    sleep. It¡¯s a connection like no other and takes trust to be that vulnerable beside someone else, from


    both sides. Sleeping nose to nose while wrapped up cutely.


    I find myself ncing his way through dinner and dessert, even when we move to after-dinner drinks.


    Listening to him and his men talk and just bask in his presence. Enjoying being able to rx beside


    him, watch him and be secure in knowing that afterwards, I get to have him all alone and monopolise


    his attention. Nothing terrifying or sadistic, just tender and safe. My Lexi from his bolthole, the version I


    was afraid was a one-off. It¡¯s not. He is with me always and I¡¯m starting to realise he is always under


    that mask, ready to reassure me in tiny ways when I get worried about how he seems.


    He isn¡¯t the dual personality I once thought him.


    His little looks in return are not lost on me, neither is the subtle way his hand asionally strays under


    the table to stroke my thigh or rest on my knee. Little intimate touches kept under wraps just to tell me


    he likes me by his side. Reinforcing the fact that no matter how Mr Mafia he seems on the surface; his


    heart still beats for me inside that body. That little shining, flickering candle that never goes out.


    Outwardly he seems like he always does, smooth, unemotional and far too cool, but I can see through


    it.


    Alexi is controlled by choice. He masks everything from probing eyes and it¡¯s only now I have got to


    know theyers of him I can see subtle tells. He does feel, he does care, and he gets rattled. It slips


    sometimes, but mostly, he keeps it all behind doors of indifference until he is alone and can let it loose.


    Those closest to him get to see more of who he is, and I get to see everything under that.


    I realise that is something very special not even Mico gets to see. The way he is with me, I doubt he


    has ever shown anyone else in his life for a very long time. I get the special parts of him just like he


    gets the deepest secret parts of me. That¡¯s why this is working. We both have something more to give


    that is only meant for each other. Something just for the two of us. A safe space to be weak, vulnerable,


    gentle, honest. No judgment and no one trying to use it against us in that little bubble.


    I never knew I had it in me to be worthy of love or had any love to give that someone like him would


    want. What we have between us though, is probably the purest and most sacred thing I¡¯ve ever had in


    my life. He feels like home. I never knew that a person could be that haven I had longed for all my life,


    that a man could be all the things I yearned for tied into one. Home, security, safety. He is all of those


    things and so much more and I don¡¯t need to search for that ce anymore. Alexi makes me want to


    be the best I can be for him. My life is no longer about just me and focusing on myself.


    He is all that I need and want.


    ¡°Right, can we wrap this up and go find a nightclub? I¡¯m bored to my back teeth of talking money and


    shop.¡± Gino finally butts in, verbalising what I¡¯m feeling and thankfully Alexi nods. A little subtle sigh that


    indicates he is done.


    ¡°Yeah, time to let off steam and go find a club. You guysing?¡± Alexi invites the two, now less surly


    cousins, but the stricken look on the wives¡¯ faces suggests they won¡¯t being if they do fancy a


    night of fun. I get the impression women get left behind. Invitations stop at the men and they get no


    say.


    I can almost guarantee they are the type of wives who follow the Mafia mistress rule. Don¡¯t mention


    them, don¡¯t make a fuss and know that weekends are mistress days. Turn a blind eye and don¡¯t get


    upset.


    Sad really and another reason to never get married.


    ¡°Not tonight. We must get these two home and back to the kids. It¡¯s a good thirty-minute drive out of the


    city to where we are living now.¡± Rob lifts a brow and flicks the first real nce at his wife in the past


    hour of sitting here. I guess to tell her to ready herself to leave in a brisk controlling gesture. She jumps


    to obey, pulling her bag to her and making a show of readying herself to get up.


    They have all but ignored their women¡¯s presence all night. They even sat them off to one side and


    paired up beside Alexi to monopolise his attention. I guess I should be relieved that no matter where he


    has taken me, even before we were a thing, he always sat me by his side and attempted to include me


    in conversation asionally. He has never outright shunned me in a corner the way these men have.


    There was respect, even when I was an untrusted enemy he wanted to break.


    Another tell that maybe I have always meant something to him, even before he knew it himself. Or


    maybe Alexi was just raised differently. His father seems to respect his mother, anyway.


    ¡°Next time.¡± Alexi shrugs off the refusal, uncaring if theye or not. He¡¯s bored and wants to go out


    now it¡¯s all wrapped up tonight, he¡¯s eager to get going. I can tell that restless nature is fed up doing the


    mature dinner and business chat withpany he is not too enamoured with. It¡¯s practicallying off


    him in waves of heightened sparking energy that is settling around me, that need to release his excess.


    Buzzing and coercing me to feel that way too. He really affects everything around me so effortlessly.


    All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    He gets up and pulls my chair out to coax me to do the same, eager to get moving now he has seen an


    escape route, tossing his credit card on the table for the bill as the waitresses scurrying over.


    Hand on my naked skin at the back of my dress, other on my arm as he slides me to my feet and keeps


    a hold on me.


    ¡°Yeah minus the ball and chain. We will leave them home and the four of us can go have a real man¡¯s


    night out.¡± Arrogant cousin grins directly at me for a second and I don¡¯t miss the implied tone. Rob


    really is testing my patience. That smug arsehole typical male show of intimidation that trantes to ¡®I


    will take Alexi to a strip bar and watch him fuck some random whore, bitch. Just to get one over on


    you¡¯.


    I smile straight back and just shrug innocently. Showing I have zero problem with that.


    See, I know one thing for sure, Alexi won¡¯t do what he doesn¡¯t want to do. No man alive will ever sway


    that stubborn arse to follow the beat of another man¡¯s drum. And he has made it abundantly clear that


    cheating on me is one of those things. I don¡¯t have to worry about other women anymore. Even if my


    insecurities sometimes tell me otherwise. I can trust him to stick to the boundaries. Something he is


    actually good at. If he wanted multiple women, he wouldn¡¯t have tied himself to just one. That¡¯s not his


    style.


    ¡°Sure. My father might be with us for the next trip. See what he wants to do.¡± Alexi pulls me around to


    beside him by the hand and motions towards the exit while the waitresses running back with his


    card. His reply mentioning his father is a way of saying ¡®he won¡¯t be up for anything sleazy¡¯ and even I


    know that. Alexi is very verbal about the fact that his father has never betrayed his mother in all the


    years they have been wed. That loyalty and trust in their marriage are important to him. In all the times


    he came to the club he sat upstairs, and women up there were banned when he was using the VIP


    lounge.


    Unusual for what they are but a sign Alexi was raised differently to the norm for these men.


    They may have other weird lies and secrets concerning their criminal dealings, but the basis of their


    love is pure, and they do not cheat. I see it in Gino and Mico, and even Jackson. All devoted to their


    women and they never treat them the way these two cousins treat theirs. I can already see Alexi is cut


    from the same cloth as his father. When you get his heart, you keep it and it transports you to an inner


    circle of trust where he will never betray you.


    No one bats an eye that he just paid for the entire meal and I wonder if this is expected when you dine


    with the boss. No one else seemed to volunteer to foot the bill, maybe it¡¯s a dominance thing. The boss


    wants to pay, and anyone mentions it gets kicked in the balls. I could imagine Alexi doing just that. He


    is a bit of a controlling wanker sometimes.


    Alexi takes me in hand a little firmly, guiding me out and pushing me towards the dining room exit with


    a little pressure on the base of my spine again, sliding lower as he feels me out. Still offering goodbyes


    and struggling to break loose from his cousin''s ongoing chatter. They are clinging on a tad desperately.


    Gino and Alessandra already followed suit, jumped up and made their farewells before heading out just


    in front of us, eagerly. I guess it was unanimous between the four of us that this dinner was less than


    enjoyable. They get to run off while we are being held back with ongoing conversation, and I sigh


    heavily.


    An evening spent with men talking about casinos, gambling licences, profit and loss and all the yadda


    yadda to owning empires was incredibly dull.


    Normally I¡¯m all for listening in to my smart-brained man and understanding his businesses more, but


    tonight, dining with the beefy chuckle brothers, was painful. It was repetitive, monotonous basics about


    installing them into the casino if Alexi goes ahead with the purchase of the one we are viewing


    tomorrow.


    It looks like a certainty, anyway. The way they were all talking it¡¯s almost as if he has bought it already.


    Apparently, there has been endless months of negotiation and back and forth betweenwyers and


    owners and Alexi needs to do a final once over of the entire premises before agreeing to a final price.


    He has seen it before, back in the early days of considering it as a viable option, but he had a brief tour


    and no real in-depth insight into the building.


    Tomorrow, he has the current manager taking him to view every single inch of the casino and bar and


    the residence rooms in the hotel above. Apparently, the current owner has moved out of the penthouse


    apartment that takes up the top two floors of the whole building and will be kept as amodation for


    Alexi when hees to oversee his building.


    The cousins were angling for the floors to be separated into two living quarters for them and their


    families, but Alexi snubbed that out pronto. He intends to retire here one day, move permanently, and


    those top two floors will be redesigned to suit his needs for when that dayes.


    Our needs.


    That fact gave me the warm fuzzies.


    Rob sulked a bit, realising he wasn¡¯t getting free board on top of his manager''s wage and then sat


    quietly for a good half hour trying to show his displeasure while his brother chatted. Alexi ignored it.


    He isn¡¯t one to be pushed to change what he wants for anyone, let alone a sulky employee who already


    pissed him off before the food came.


    ¡°We will see you at the Casino in the morning then.¡± Rob cuts in as we start to walk away and I feel


    Alexi¡¯s arm stiffen a little, his hand presses to the base of my spine a tad aggressively as he guides me.


    A sign that this is not what he had nned.


    ¡°You¡¯re not needed. I will call you after and tell you what¡¯s happening.¡± It¡¯s blunt, a little cold, and I can


    tell he¡¯s moving from pleasant family dinner, back to big boss dealing with a minion.


    ¡°I thought we would be there to give input; I mean we are the ones who¡¯ll be running it.¡± Rob chuckles


    smugly, once again trying to put himself on a higher footing and I know it¡¯s the wrong thing to have


    done. The tone, the way he has cut out to step in front of us to block us going, and I can literally count


    down the few seconds it takes to see the Alexi switch.


    3 ¡­ 2 ¡­ 1 ¡­ Mafia boss, boom.


    ¡°I will pay you to manage whatever the fuck I buy. You get no input on where I put my money, time or


    effort. You will do as I say and run my casino how I tell you to run it. Even if I let Cam paint it pink and


    fill it with drag queens as croupiers.¡± There is a hint of amusement in the tone to make him sound like


    he¡¯s teasing, rather than biting, but that stiff cold stance and the undercurrent of a growl in his voice


    says otherwise.


    Rob just got put in his ce¡ªagain.


    He baulks at the mention of me having more say over d¨¦cor than his input in total, and I cannot help


    but twitch a little smug smile from the corner of my mouth. Avoiding looking directly at him and his


    instant WTF stance.


    ¡°Well, okay. I was under the impression our input mattered.¡± Rob tries again, his chuckling is more


    nervous and his eyes dart to his brother, who is offering no back up this time. He has learned not to


    mess with Alexi¡¯s decisions; his brother should take a hint.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t. If that is a problem, I have two others willing to relocate here and run things in my absence.¡±


    And it¡¯s the kill shot. Alexi at his finest. Closing down any misunderstanding on how little value their


    opinion holds in this matter. Tone t,manding and a ¡®shut the fuck up and get out of my way¡¯.


    My way or go fuck yourself because you are receable.


    I kind of love that about him.


    I know how he is, only too well, and he means every single word. He doesn¡¯t get hung up on making


    emotional decisions over business. He is a stubborn hard arse and easily annoyed. He would fire them


    just for questioning him this way. Rob looks shocked and shuts uppletely.


    ¡°We¡¯re all good. We know all this and we¡¯re fine with it.¡± George cuts in quickly, panic all over that


    shocked expression of his as he realises, they are teetering on the precipice of abandonment by the


    Carrero empire once more. They are desperately trying to w back in and find a footing, so this is the


    last thing they want.


    ¡°Good. Now go home. We have ns.¡± Cold, curt, to the point, and Alexi pushes me forward again


    lightly to bypass our tall obstruction who wisely steps aside this time, sheepishly avoiding eye contact


    with me.


    ¡°Sure, Boss!¡± It¡¯s sarcasm, more sulking, and I eye roll as soon as I pass him and cannot be seen. He¡¯s


    worse than Alexi with his sulking, moody, foot-stamping tantrums.


    Alexi nks him and we head out far behind Gino now, who has disappeared out the door already and


    probably hightailing it to their rooms to get changed for party time. d to be away from this gloomy


    duo. They are overbearing as a mood killer.


    I exhale heavily as we leave the dining room, and our dinner guests stand at the table as the waitress


    brings their wives¡¯ coats. Leaving them far behind and I can physically feel the weight lifting as the


    space between us expands.


    ¡°That was tense.¡± I point out as we walk to the safety of the lifts out of sight, and Lexi takes my hand in


    his, interlocking fingers snugly. Now he can rx and be himself a little more and can touch me freely


    the way he has been itching to do all evening.


    ¡°It will be more so when they find out they won¡¯t be managing my Casino after the deal is done and


    dusted.¡± Alexi doesn¡¯t even break his stride as he says it, face deadpan, and I nch at him.


    ¡°What?¡± I gawp, shocked.


    ¡°You really think I could deal with two assholes who question me at every turn and put my girl down at


    dinner, on a long-term basis? They are stop gaps because they are already here. I have family who


    knows how to take orders and whom I trust above all. They will move out here once everything is in


    order, and my two cousins will be demoted to the security detail under the watchful eye of Beppe,


    Mico¡¯s brother. He already runs a tight ship for me in other areas and I think he will enjoy having those


    two under hismand. I agreed to bring them back into the family as I saw fit. Dinner just helped me


    ce them in a more suitable position for the long term.¡±


    ¡°In other words, they pissed you off, so you demoted them.¡± I raise a knowing brow and cast him a


    wicked look. Unable to stop the smile curling across my face.


    ¡°You know me so well.¡± He winks back, that face breaking from serious expression to cute smile with


    dimples and he changes instantly from stuffy businessman to my familiar Lexi. Sexier, warmer, more


    smiley. The devious shithead that I adore.


    ¡°Can we talk about the pink and the drag queens though?¡± I nudge him with my shoulder as he slides


    out of my hand and puts his arm around me instead, pulling me up against his warm body to meet his


    snugly. A preferred way of walking together for him. He likes full body contact as much as I do.


    ¡°No, to pink. The rest is negotiable.¡± I get another wink and a full-on smile that almost melts my


    knickers, and I rest my head against his shoulder as we wander into the first avable lift.


    ¡°I quite like the thought of a fully pink casino manned by celebrity divas in glitter frocks. Can¡¯t imagine


    many mob bosses would hang out there though.¡± I giggle, enjoying the release of tension now we are


    free to breathe.


    ¡°This one included.¡± I get the stern look now as I tease him for his own sarcasm and burst outughing


    properly.


    ¡°Well, might as well just gift it to me then, as I think it would be a roaring sess.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t one club enough?¡± His hand slides down to cup my left butt cheek and he squeezes it cheekily,


    making me jump a little at the surprise manoeuvre. Warming me up for what might happen when we


    get upstairs. I don¡¯t mind a dy in going out.


    ¡°I have ambition. I won¡¯t be happy until I¡¯m wearing your crown.¡± I jest happily, allowing his hand to stay


    on my arse as we watch the doors slide closed before us; he punches in the penthouse floor and


    swipes his card in front of the infrared scanner. He visibly rxes and I can sense all his tension ebbing


    away.


    ¡°London, stick with me and you will have a crown of your own. Every queen needs one. I happen to like


    a woman with ambition and her eye on a prize.¡±

 Chapter 175

    Chapter 175


    I roll over in the overly warm bed and groan loudly as light hits me in the face, someone¡¯s pulling the


    curtains back in our room to flood us with an unearthly glow. Burying my head under the duvet I try to


    stop the swirling insane motion of the room and the prating pain as shards of light try to slice my


    skull open. Head booming away like someone is merrily stamping on it, and my body is fragile like


    cracked ss that¡¯s about to fully shatter under pressure.


    ¡°Time to get up. We have a tour this morning of our future abode.¡± Alexi is way too chirpy for a guy who


    partnered me in drinking ourselves into oblivionst night and I cannot remember anything past the first


    bar and the twenty shots we downed in a drinking game with his brother. My head¡¯s thumping out a


    badly yed rhumba beat, and nausea is swirling in my throat so that I gag anytime I move. My mouth


    is literally carpeted with some old man¡¯s swirly 50s shag pile and I have the awful taste of metallic that I


    just can¡¯t shift. I¡¯m suffering and this demon needs to leave me be. I don¡¯t want to go anywhere.


    ¡°Nooooo.¡± It¡¯s all I can mumble out, muffled pathetic whining in my nest of covers and sheets that seem


    to be wrapped up around me. Not all thatfortable but it¡¯s better than the light slicing my retinas and


    impaling my brain. If I move, I may actually die. My stomach contents are warning me that any slight tilt


    up may end in exorcist style spewing. Every single inch of me hurts and I¡¯m suffering the hangover


    from hell.


    ¡°I have aspirin and iced water here. Come on, get up. Don¡¯t be a lightweight.¡± Alexi tugs the sheets


    from over my head and I immediately squeal at the searing pain of level 1000 sun re once more.


    ¡°Stop it. I hate you.¡± I cry and grip at them to get them back, but he doesn¡¯t stop there, catching my foot


    under the end of the duvet and yanks me free from the covers and drops me nakedly on my arse at the


    foot of the bed. A lovely ungraceful thud as my naked booty collides with a furry rug, and I curl into the


    foetal position, grimacing, covering my head with iling arms. Much like a vampire about to be toasted


    to death. I don¡¯t know what the hell he is on but he¡¯s about to be castrated for this. Covering my eyes


    with my palms as I try to adjust to this assault.


    ¡°Tosser!!¡± I bark at him but that smug grin as he towers over me, freshly showered, shaved and in an


    open white shirt over dark trousers is all I get in response. Blinking his way and trying not to grimace


    with this god-awful pain. I swing a p at his face and get nowhere near it, yanking what I can reach of


    the bedclothes back to save my eyesight, but Alexi stands on it. Stopping me from hiding once more.


    Arsehole is a sadistic prick.


    ¡°You loved mest night. So much.¡± He emphasises thest two words and gives me a knowing wink


    which earns him a p in the kneecap for torturing me this way. It¡¯s all I can reach, and I end up hurting


    my hand on hard muscle and bone while he just continues to smile at me.


    O


    I blow on my dented digits and wave it around to curb the burn of hurting myself on his leg.


    ¡°Drunken sex is not loving you. It¡¯s alcohol-fuelled horniness, and you were avable.¡± I snap at him.


    Insanely tearful with how miserable I am in my current state; head almost reaching pressurised


    explosion level, I squint as my eyes water. I crawl up weakly and back onto the bed awkwardly,


    uncaring about being starkers and hauling the sheets to get back under them into a safe little cave. My


    brain feels like it¡¯s colliding with the insides of my skull and my eyes are all but glued shut. My tongue


    has an inch-long fuzz covering it and my throat feels like I have drunk sand.


    I honestly reckon I must have drunk a bar¡¯s worth of booze to get in this state and it¡¯s the first time in


    my life I have lost all memory of a good night out. I know we had sex because my body feels like we


    had sex. A lot of it, mostly wild, definitely aggressive, and judging by the fact I feel bruised in every


    muscle and joint, we had ourselves an adventurous workout. Only sex could leave me feeling this way.


    Only sex with Alexi, anyway.


    ¡°Well, you loved me enough to marry me, so ¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I lose all forms of rejection and stiffenpletely.


    Alexi catches me around the waist as I give up my pathetic doggy crawl to the top of the bed and lifts


    me up like a weightless lump before propping me back on my feet at the side of the bed this time. Not


    that I¡¯m fighting, while my brain pulls out his sentence, stretches it out across my dark muggy space


    and dissects every single word slowly. My blood runs cold and magically all hangover symptoms just


    freeze.


    ¡°What did you say?¡± I stand up by myself this time, turning to him abruptly with widened eyes as he


    bends to pick up a sheet and drapes it around my shoulders for me. He lookspletely serious now


    and gives the covering a little tug so I can catch it at the front and cover myself fully. Automatic pilot


    initiated, I catch hold of it, eyes glued to his face and I can only imagine. I¡¯m bug-eyed and gawping.


    ¡°That you love me. Even when you say you don¡¯t.¡± A wink, a smile and a peck on the check before he


    saunters off towards the bathroom to continue his morning routine of getting ready. Mr chirpy and not


    hungover at all and I have to blink, shake myself to recall his exact words, so sure I just imagined them.


    I just stand very still, brain catching up and repeat what he said in a slow, deliberate manner. Feeling


    them out.


    ¡°Married you, so ¡­¡± I almost choke on the words as my stomach dives like a brick into the depths down


    there. My mind a swirling mess of hazy memories, bars, clubs. An Elvis impersonator and Alexi fucking


    me on the bo of someone¡¯s car in a dark car park behind a huge white building. Broken images


    and slight foggy rey slowlye back the longer I stand here, but nothing at all to do with any kind


    of marriage.


    Alexi wanders back through with a toothbrush in his mouth, letting go of it and holding it in his cheek,


    he walks by the side table and swipes something up before bringing it to me. It¡¯s a piece of A4 paper


    and he holds it up to show me it in all it¡¯s awful and so not funny glory.


    He pulls out his toothbrush, slight disbelief overshadowing that smile as he stares right back at my


    shocked, probably white pallor. Not sure if I¡¯m being serious or not.


    ¡°You married me in a Chapel of Love, London. So, Good morning, Mrs Carrero.¡± He looks smugger


    than fucking smug. Seriously, even for him, it¡¯s like all the fucking smugness avable in the universe


    justnded on his arrogant fucking face of intensified, quadrupled smugnicity and I snatch that


    offending A4 sheet of bullshit right out of his hand, dropping my damn sheet and pulling it to my face for


    my blurry vision to cut through.


    I devour it with the speed of a cocaine addict and literally gasp out loud in an agonising muffled wail.


    My brain melting on impact.


    My head just stops dead, and every fear I have ever had about being someone¡¯s possession, their


    belonging, their servant, runs through me at a searing level of terror as that paper of ownership swims


    before my eyes painfully.


    I was Rick¡¯s; I was his prisoner. I was my mother¡¯s, legally hers to do as she pleased. Now this ¡­ tied


    to Alexi, a man who destroyed me, and irrational as it is with no real obvious reason to feel so terrified,


    I am. I know how owning something negates all worth of them as a person and behaviours change. I


    saw it in his cousins today and what they expect from a wife. It¡¯s how this world works, and Alexi was


    once that man. I was an object he owned.


    I was an object my entire life and what came with that?


    Debauchery, pain, a misery that ripped me to shreds and left me as only a shell of a person. This


    bindingw that straps you to another human and silences your voice because you no longer belong to


    yourself.


    I know I¡¯m being ridiculous on some level, but I can¡¯t help it. Blinding fear that I just put myself in a cage


    and threw away the key is bearing down on me with that suppressed pain of years of very to a man


    who ruined me. I cannot separate the two. The faith and security I have been building with him die in


    the face of a drunken decision.


    It¡¯s like a choke hold on my throat. Losing my identity, my freedom myself. Bing the shadow to a


    man that already has severe ownership ws.


    The blood runs from my veins all the way down my body, leaving a cold wave of pale in its wake as I


    read the tiny cheesy scrawl on the worst looking marriage certificate I have ever seen. So bad it cannot


    be real.


    A cream printed sheet with a border of hearts and musical notes in red ink. The certificate itself basic,


    ck ink and right at the bottom two very familiar signatures, followed by two more traitorous bastards¡¯


    scrawls.


    ¡°Elvis married us.¡± I baulk at the writing on the bottom, scanning over the legal crap, eyes falling over


    our two witnesses.


    Alessandra and fucking Gino. Wankers.


    ¡°This isn¡¯t funny.¡± I stutter breathlessly, literally losing the ability to breathe. Tears hit me hard as I read


    it over and over and my heart and stomach join my blood flow down in my feet. My legs turn to jelly and


    I stumble back to sit on the bed as the shock overtakes me. I flop on the bed and can¡¯t do anything


    except stare at it in utter horror.


    ¡°Marriage isn¡¯t a joke, Cam.¡± He says it so calmly I snap my head up and re at him stupendously.


    ¡°Why would you do this to me? What about fucking trust?¡± I yell, tears cracking through, my voice


    hoarse and painfully raw, louder than is warranted, but as fire and rage bring everything back up, my


    body and cold limbs burn hot with theva I¡¯m spewing. Tears blurring everything and panic coursing


    through me at a rate of knots. I¡¯m on the verge of an all-out panic attack.


    Alexi has the audacity to look pissed now too.


    ¡°What the fuck has trust got to do with us getting shitfaced and rocking up at a chapel in Vegas?¡± He


    snaps it right back, missing the memo on the proper handling of your girlfriend when she wakes up to


    your stupid as shit behaviour.


    ¡°Because I fucking know you!! Everything you do is nned and coerced and I can pretty much bet my


    life on it that this was your nning and manipting. Do you think marrying me means you get more


    control? That now I can¡¯t ever leave you? Well, fucking watch me go, wanker.¡± I get up to toss the


    paper at him, with a very anticlimactic flutter as it see-saws to the ground between us and I turn on my


    heel to stomp my way out of the room. I don¡¯t care if I¡¯m naked. I can¡¯t take a breath and the walls are


    closing in on me as I struggle to inhale any oxygen. iling, grasping at my chest because it feels like


    I¡¯m having a heart attack.


    The room is still tilting from side to side and I¡¯m walking on Bambi legs with a pounding face, but I still


    give it a go.


    ¡°Nice. Sure, just fucking leave. I¡¯m sure roaming the hotel naked will work out great for you. Oh, and by


    the way ¡­ it was your idea. So, your anger is a little misdirected, babycakes.¡±


    I stop dead in my tracks, a glimmer of an idiotic idea about being Queen Carrero and having Mico


    shoot that Marianne woman in the eyeball flutters across my brain, and once again all my insides


    slump to the deck. I was so consumed with marriage before I got drunk that it¡¯s not farfetched to


    assume that while intoxicated, I rolled with it. I literally crumble where I stand and clutch my face in my


    hands with an almighty groan as I slump in a dishevelled heap on the floor.


    ¡°Yeah thought that would cool your jets.¡± Alexi sounds peeved, agitated and that snarly, husky tone he


    usually reserves for fight mode is spiralling around me.


    I spin on him, ungraciously, seeing as I¡¯m on the floor and it¡¯s more of an animal like manoeuvre, but


    I¡¯m not willing to back down as my entire life flits before my eyes.


    Marriage is like a prison sentence for someone like me. It¡¯s ownership. Jail bars, handcuffs on me from


    now on and I already know what a controlling dickhead he can be, at the best of times. There¡¯s a good


    chance he will turn into his cousins and treat me like something he owns once more.


    This is the worst thing ever and thest thing I would ever have done sober. He was supposed to take


    care of me.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have taken advantage of me in that state. The fact I have zero memories of much ofst


    night is a sign you should have taken better care of me!¡± It¡¯s venomous and yet also anxiety fuelled.


    Sobbing, voice hoarse as I throw usations at him. Heart weighed down like a steel block is resting


    on my chest.


    I am full-blown panicking, head racing at how to undo this, but he just stands holding his ck


    toothbrush and res right back at me. Fighting mood engaged and I know I¡¯m going to get limited


    sense out of him when stubborn arsehole mode is activated.


    ¡°You do realise I was as drunk as you, I can just handle it a little better. I didn¡¯t take advantage of


    anyone, and I sure as hell didn¡¯t betray your trust. It¡¯s fucking marriage, Cam, without a prenup. I have


    way more to lose than you in this. Think about that while using me of shit.¡± He rages, yelling this


    time. That face snarling, frowning, and looking incredibly hostile with a tense jaw and lowered brows.


    ¡°Sure. Like I believe that!¡± I toss back angrily. Wiping my face and refusing to ept anything he says.


    ¡°You were the one with your hands down my pants, your tongue in my ear, begging me to make it


    official. You were the one who dragged me into the first chapel we came to, and you were the one who


    hauled me out the side door to consummate our marriage on Elvis¡¯s car right after. I¡¯m the idiot who


    threw all caution to the wind and married you, exposing everything I own. I lose half if you divorce me


    now. I think if anyone was fucking coerced then it was me!¡± He throws his toothbrush at the bed,


    obviously needing some way to vent and turns on his heel, body bristling for a physical release and


    storms off towards the bathroom door.


    ¡°You¡¯re lying. You wouldn¡¯t be that dumb, and me. Why would I do that? Why would I tie myself to you


    after dating you for five minutes of my life? I didn¡¯t even want to get married ¡­EVER!!¡± I crawl back to


    the bed, pull myself up on shaky limbs and slump down on the edge as Ie level with it again,


    burying my face in my hands as everything crumbles around me.


    I just can¡¯t function at the moment.


    You cannot annul a marriage if you made a point of screwing your betrothed right after the ceremony,


    and Alexi won¡¯t be up for any sort of dissolving of this, judging by how he¡¯s reacting. My head¡¯s racing


    with all of this and how stupid I was to have this kind of faith in him.


    ¡°You said you wanted to untie my hands and let me deal with that Marianne bitch once and for all. That


    if I couldn¡¯t, you would.¡± Hees storming back, throwing more words at me venomously. Clearly not


    done with this either.


    I jerk my face up to look at him, now standing framed at the bathroom door, looking upset, angry, a


    furrowed brow, clenched jaw and narrowed eyes that are almost ck with his swirling emotions. Body


    tense. He¡¯s a little dishevelledpared to the happy mood he woke me up in. He looks hurt through


    and through, and even this mad and devastated at the situation I find myself in, it eats at me guiltily. He


    is bristling, stiff and ready to fight. Like he might just go kick someone in the head thirty times and then


    stomp on their lifeless body some.


    My face just feels numb and I¡¯m sickened that I would be this dumb. That we would both be this dumb.


    He¡¯s right. No prenup for someone with his wealth and power is insane, but then again, he isn¡¯t against


    snapping my neck should I dare to ask for a divorce. In his world women who know as much as I do, do


    not get to drag you to divorce court to im any of your finances.


    ¡°Why would you agree if that¡¯s why I said I wanted to marry you?¡± I bawl at him in utter desperation,


    hoping this is all some vague joke or a dream. Maybe I just haven¡¯t woken up fully.


    If it¡¯s real though, Alexi had to have his own motives. Because he is Alexi, and he obviously saw a


    means to an end with my stupid garbled drunken n. He may have found mineughable but doesn¡¯t


    mean he didn¡¯t have his reasons. He does nothing in life without an ulterior motive. Always has a n,


    always has a use for someone.


    It¡¯s what he does. It¡¯s what he is.


    ¡°Because I love you and you are it for me. Whether we married now or in years toe, it was


    inevitable. I didn¡¯t lie when I said I was in this with you forever, Cam. I didn¡¯t care that you had an


    ulterior motive, it was beneficial because I knew you wouldn¡¯t marry me anytime soon without one. I


    know you love me so I figured it would work itself out when we were sober, and marriage gave me an


    option we didn¡¯t have before.¡± It¡¯s a defeated low tone and I can tell there isn¡¯t a single lie in his answer.


    His whole manner shifting from raw fury and yelling to this anguished, wounded response, and he tears


    his eyes from me to stare at the floor.


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    Cutting my heart open like a knife as my insides spew into myp and I shiver involuntarily.


    ¡°That¡¯s a sad reason to marry me.¡± The tears return, voice cracking and I cry softly at the hopelessness


    of that statement. I feel so broken and confused as reality sinks in that this is real, and this is where we


    are at.


    I was a million miles away from being ready for this kind of step and boom, it¡¯s done. It¡¯s like being


    stabbed in the chest for so many conflicting reasons.


    ¡°It¡¯s the truth. I can love you and be with you for the next ten years, but I wouldn¡¯t be able to protect you


    the way I can as my wife. My namees with so many boundaries. No one can touch you now.


    You¡¯re Carrero. Family. Protected. My family cannot sit back and ask me to remain neutral now we


    have done this. She tried to abduct and murder my wife and that holds a hell of a lot more weight than


    it did twelve hours ago.¡± He moves back, leans heavily against the frame behind him. Voice so low and


    raspy and yet I can still hear the pain in his words from my reaction. I can¡¯t feel remorse though, when


    suspicion and anger, regret and fear are circling inside of me like a venomous poison affecting every


    inch of my being. I am in survival mode, stuck on defensive and powerless toe down.


    ¡°So, there was a partial motive, beyond how you feel for me?¡± I¡¯m wing at myself inside, dying a little


    with so many crazy thoughts and one very stupid one which is hurting me above them all, even though


    it¡¯s insane.


    I have no memory of my own wedding day.


    Whether I wanted one or not ¡­ it¡¯s done. And I won¡¯t ever be able to recall it one way or another. That,


    in itself, is like being kicked in the heart with steel toe-capped boots.


    ¡°The motive was keeping you safe. You can¡¯t be mad about that.¡± His eyese up and lock on mine,


    while I¡¯m still half sprawled on the bed and clutch at sheets to pull up over my body, trembling as


    everything filters through and my hangoveres back into focus. Suddenly shivering with a cold


    growing from within me.


    I inhale heavily, tears rolling down my cheek hopelessly and I just stare for a long moment. Instincts are


    to run, and I know I need space. Now. He needs to leave so I can think, pull my shit together.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how to feel right now. I¡¯m still half drunk, majorly hung over and my head is about three


    seconds away from exploding. I need to process this. I need a shower, an aspirin, and an hour without


    looking at you to think about this.¡± I sniff back the torrent of tears lingering inside my head that are


    threatening to turn into a tidal wave of sobbing, body beginning to shake violently with shock and Alexi


    sighs loudly. A tense shoulder flex, a twitch of that square jaw as he visibly snorts at my request. Anger


    and heartache don¡¯t go together well on him.


    ¡°Fine. I need to go see Gino anyway and make some calls. Room¡¯s yours for an hour. Be ready for


    when Ie back, we have to go to the casino.¡± He sounds clipped and cold. Directing attention off


    topic and pushing the details of what we are fighting about to one side.


    I know he is pulling back whatever it is he is feeling and just showing me the angry side for now. I can


    tell he¡¯s hurt deeply. Alexi disys pain in this way. Anger, aggression, yelling. Anytime in the past, he¡¯s


    reacted like an utter cockwomble towards me for anything rting to emotion, it¡¯s usually him in pain.


    He isn¡¯t hard to fathom when you know that.


    This is no different. He turns cold and mad when you hurt him. He fires what seems like hate your way,


    but the reality is, it¡¯s because he loves me and the pain I inflict cuts deep. He doesn¡¯t know how to


    process or disy it like most humans do.


    He walks forward and picks up the certificate and looks at it for a long moment with an unreadable


    expression before carefullyying it back on the side table, his shoulders sagging slightly and turning


    away from me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t regret it. One day you might agree with me.¡± His words strike me right in the feels, casting a


    new slicing pain.


    He leaves it there then turns and heads back to the bathroom to grab his phone and watch, and


    buttons up his shirt over all that exposed tanned muscle quickly in the mirror before turning back to me.


    ¡°Just remember ¡­ my main reason for saying yes is because I love you. That¡¯s it. Secondary, it was to


    keep you safe, so maybe sit and think about that before you use me of fucking betrayal.¡± He strides


    out, stopping to pick up his shoes from under the nearby table and then walks around it and heads for


    the bedroom door to leave. Not another look my way. Just a tall, clipped posture, stealth mode and


    stocky walk of a man who might just go and beat someone up because he is that pissed.


    I watch silently, wrapping my arms around myself while still shivering from the shock of what I woke up


    to.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel but I know one thing. You shouldn¡¯t be contemting doing a terrified runner


    from finding out you just drunkenly married your boyfriend of five minutes. My legs are literally jelly or I


    would already be hauling arse and getting the hell out of here. I feel sick and cannot begin to unravel


    everything going through my head.


    I pull myself upright properly, determined not to sit here and dwell. I will drive myself insane if I do. I


    need to deal with my physical misery right now¡ªmy hangover. Get a drink, take pills, sort that shit out


    best I can. Think about all this once I clear my brain a little and the urge to throw up simmers from


    severe to subtle.


    I lift my chin despite everything inside me crumbling to dust, climb unsteadily off the bed and walk


    purposely to the bathroom. A little fragile, swaying around as I do so.


    Focus on the tasks and not the problem.


    That¡¯s what I do. When hit in the face with an epic head fuck, I push it aside, get a grip, pick myself up


    and get on with what I need to. Even if I throw up and cry my eyes out while getting washed.


    Shower, dress, eat, get your shit together, Cami. This is what you do. Crisis pushed aside and make


    yourself presentable to face it head-on once your brain catches up.


    I will figure this out. I will find a resolution to this little bump in the road.


    I do love him.


    I just don¡¯t know if I love being married to him.


    Not like this.

 Chapter 176

    Chapter 176


    Exactly one hour to the second after he left the room he walks back in, looking a little stony-faced and


    unreadable. His mood appears frosty and he casts me a nce as I sit on the couch finishing up my


    lipstick. I pretend I¡¯m not affected by his sudden appearance and don¡¯t react to him walking in.


    Focusing hard on just applying my signature red stain while holding apact mirror.


    Although, in reality, my heart skips a beat, my stomach sinks and I have to breathe very slowly to keep


    my calm at the sight of him. My hands tremble. I feel sick instantly and know that we are either going to


    fight or ¡­ well, who am I kidding. We are probably just going to fight. I mean, how can we not?


    I overreacted slightly¡ªmajorly. I can¡¯t undo that reaction and yet I¡¯m still internally panicking like a freak


    and not able to even broach the M word yet.


    I¡¯m clean, dressed, made up and less ¡®ugh¡¯ after several aspirins and two bottles of water. I haven¡¯t


    eaten yet as my insides are still doing the washing machine cycle of a hangover program, but I feel


    more human. A little less psychotic.


    Emotionally I¡¯m still nowhere further forward other than in a state of ¡®was this all a dream¡¯ but his


    manner brings it all back to reality. Alexi is as closed off and prickly as when he left, and it just ruins my


    Zen that I have been struggling to maintain while doing my face.


    I sat and stared at that certificate for the best part of 15 minutes and despite the crazy manic panic


    running through me, there was also incredible sadness for the most stupid things. A deep gut-


    wrenching regret that contradicted my reaction as a whole.


    I will never know what it was like to have him propose. I will never have pre-wedding nerves or doubts,


    and I will never have a memory of marrying him if this pans out and we make a go of it. If I even can. I


    will never know the highs and lows that go with any of those things, nor experience the excitement or


    feelings of joy, the emotions ¡­ any of it. I have nothing of that at all. I woke up married, like a clinical,


    manipted manoeuvre, and it¡¯s left me hollow and broken in so many ways. Like a shock to the


    system and I¡¯m still reeling in the aftermath.


    Maybe if I had all of that, my gut instinct might have not been to freak out about being locked up for life


    in a dark hole and abused till the end of time. If I had some control, some say, made a choice and had


    a memory of wanting it ¡­ then, maybe.


    Yeah, the idiotic things that invaded my brain while tearing my hair out over my unexpected marriage to


    a dickhead.


    Instead, I can¡¯t stop obsessing over this overwhelming ustrophobia of being someone¡¯s possession.


    It¡¯s leaving a sour taste in my mouth, and even having time to really examine it and talk some sense


    into myself, I can¡¯t shift that terror of being owned. A deep scar from past lives that have no bearing on


    how he feels about me, yet it changes everything.


    I feel insecure, frightened about the future. My peace of mind and contentment he helped nurture, has


    gone.


    I lost all of that in one drunken haze that ended with very wild sex, and lots of it judging by the mess of


    lube and champagne all over the sheets when I went looking for my bracelet.


    I woke up shackled. A name on a piece of paper binding me to my master. Contained, entrapping me


    for life.


    I push that aside, knowing I¡¯m being irrational, and I just need to let this settle for a while. Get used to it


    and stop letting those inner fears and scars cloud over reality and twist my brain into seeing worse than


    is there. Focus on other things.


    Anything.


    Like, what kind of sex we had in herest night.


    Lube is new for us, so I¡¯m guessing I got kinky and wanted anal. I have been known to like it


    asionally, when I feel dominant, kinky, and get on top to do it for myself, and drunken sex with Lexi I


    can imagine he was very open to something like that. He doesn¡¯t seem like a guy who wouldn¡¯t be into


    adventurous sex given past performances, and it exins why even back there is tender. He¡¯s not a


    small boy, I might have to sit on a doughnut for a week.


    I¡¯m also deeply gutted that I broke my bracelet, even if I¡¯m hating on him right now for no good reason,


    seeing as he hasn¡¯t actually done anything wrong. Not by sane standards, anyway. Just me and my


    faulty wiring and screwed up emotional mess.


    I must have caught the catch during our bed aerobics as I have snapped the sp and had to leave it


    dejectedly on the table while I got ready. Something else I¡¯m smarting over, and every time I look at it, I


    feel like crying. It feels symbolic to me. Breaking the charm bracelet he gave me that encouraged me to


    never give up on my dreams of freedom.


    Ironic.


    It¡¯s the first thing Alexi¡¯s eyes fall on as he wanders closer. His presence making me nervous like it


    used to, and I know all of this is psychological on my part.


    I¡¯m a goddamn mess.


    He doesn¡¯t say anything, just picks up the bracelet and examines it before dropping it back on the table


    carefully, my eyes following it as he does so.


    ¡°We will get it fixed when we get home. If you still want it that is?¡± It¡¯s a boyish, hurt statement uttered


    sulkily and I sigh at him heavily, despite all my inner angst. I¡¯m a little less crazy after having some


    headspace and not really looking for a cat fight with him. His manner eats away at me, softening some


    of my iciness.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be like that. Of course, I want it. Stop being a dumb arse.¡± I nce his way, trying to be less


    hostile than I was, aware that yes, he is maybe hurting, and I should say I¡¯m sorry, but I just can¡¯t. I feel


    like he trapped me somehow, even if it was my idea. I can¡¯t shake that.


    He looks away from me to the side of the room, tensing his jaw and I can¡¯t tell if he is mad or just upset.


    I guess he will be worse when I tell him I¡¯m noting. I just can¡¯t face going outside and touring a


    casino when my brain is in lockdown and telling me to run away.


    ¡°Look just go to your thing. I¡¯m hungover and not in the best frame of mind. I¡¯ll be here when you get


    back. I just need some quiet and space to think about all of this.¡± I sound confident but my voice wavers


    over thest words, knowing full well he will react badly. He snaps his eyes back to me and res with


    that terrifying Devil Alexi look.


    Here we go.


    I lose all courage and hate that my nerves fritter back to that feeble mess he used to lord over. I¡¯m


    doing this to myself and it¡¯s only adding to my fear that things are now going to change. I¡¯m sliding


    backwards and all those feelings for him I was oveing are grabbing me tight and pulling me under.


    ¡°Hell, No! You areing, even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming.¡± He snaps at me


    and I blink to stop the sudden wash of mist that clouds my vision with surprise tears. Close to


    emotionally breaking because I¡¯m in a weird, fragile mood. Defences igniting and doing what they do to


    shield me. They make me mad.


    It¡¯s not a sweet request but a fuckingmand and like good old Cam and Lexi, my rage ignites at him


    thinking he can tell me what to do.


    ¡°Fuck off. I¡¯m staying put. You can¡¯t do shit about it; you don¡¯t own me, so stop acting like you do!¡± I


    snap right back at him, verbalising that internal issue in my fury; anger meeting anger and our eyes


    lock on target. Fire in their depths.


    ¡°Watch me.¡± It¡¯s that low husky growl that used to put the fear of God into me when he used it in the


    past, but I just lift my chin higher as I rise elegantly from the couch and walk around it to head back to


    my room. Completely faking bravado as my insides melt like goo, but I¡¯ll be damned if he¡¯ll see me


    afraid of him, ever again.


    ¡°Be a good boy and toddle off, I¡¯m hungover and tired and will take a nap while you go see your boring


    casino.¡± I pat myself on the back at the deliverance of my haughty put-down, despite feeling far from


    sassy. Putting on my mask and hiding the real me from him at this moment. Everything changing in my


    head and I saunter off barefoot towards the bedroom with the confidence I no longer feel.


    I just need to not be around him until I get my shit in order. I¡¯m afraid of him all over again and it¡¯s


    eating me inside out. I can feel his metaphorical cor around my neck, choking me slowly.


    I squeak in surprise when the bastard hooks me from behind by the wrist, tugs me so hard I spin


    towards him, catching my breath, and in the blink of an eye end up over his shoulder in a very


    udylike fashion. So fast I can¡¯t even counteract it.


    I start fighting, of course, pulling at his shirt and pushing his head so he will let me go but he doesn¡¯t.


    Squealing, fighting, pping his muscr shoulder because I hate being restrained and carried about


    and was already in that mode of uncooperative battling.


    He just wraps an arm around my legs so I can¡¯t move them, smacks me hard on my arse so that the


    noise echoes the room, only muffled by my cry of ¡®ouch¡¯ loudly in his ear; then he almost drops me


    when he bends down to retrieve my shoes. It has the same effect aspletely shackling me. I can


    hardly move from my position and hitting him only hurts my hands.


    ¡°Put me down, dickhead.¡± I squawk at him, but he just bumps me higher over his shoulder, bouncing


    my groin on bone and muscle that¡¯s really ufortable and I ¡®ooft¡¯ with the feeling. He spins me


    around towards the door and strides purposefully towards the exit. Ignoring my protests and treating


    me exactly like I¡¯m now his to own and possess.


    ¡°I swear to God, Alexi. You put me down this instant or I will scream all the way down the foyer and get


    you arrested. This is not fucking eptable!¡± I¡¯m hysterical, voice rasping my throat painfully and still


    trying to use my fingers to prise his arm off my legs. I can barely reach it from this angle.


    ¡°I¡¯m not against knocking you out, baby.¡± It¡¯s a snarl, even if he does call me baby, and I gawp in open-


    mouthed disbelief. That cold sweep of genuine terror as I doubt his words.


    All my fears falling into ce and this is exactly what I would expect of the arsehole I worked for a year


    ago. Marriage and its chains binding me to a prick I no longer like. The change I was expecting. Lord


    and master. Sadist and ruler. Cruel and cold.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t dare!¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say that about me carrying you and look, here we are.¡± He pats my arse again with my


    shoes this time and I lean over as far as I can and smack him hard on his own butt, which is moving


    below me as we walk. Determined to maim him and fight to thest. Alexi doesn¡¯t even flinch and my


    palm stings with the after-effects.


    I fought my way out of hell once before; I left Rick ¡­ I won¡¯t be owned!


    ¡°Fuck you,¡± I spit venomously, and try to push myself off, to no avail. He¡¯s striding purposely and I¡¯m in


    a grip that is more on par with a superhero than a mere mortal.


    ¡°Anyway, do you really think the hotel security will intervene in a newlywed tiff? I mean, they¡¯re family.¡±


    He chuckles this time, not an evil enjoying my pain kind ofugh, but genuinely amused, and it just


    confuses me even more. I curb the urge to p him over the head as we make our way down the hall


    to the lift thates up to the penthouse floor. Anger flooding me and recing inner angst. Rage


    bubbling from inside of me that this shithead thinks he can do with me as he pleases, and that self-


    preservation of Cami Walters kicks in massively. I¡¯m burning up with the fire consuming me.


    ¡°So much for being a changed man! You¡¯re the same controlling shithead who tied me to a fucking


    cross!¡± It¡¯s all I have to throw at him, still wriggling and trying to break free, but he just tightens his grip


    until it hurts me enough that I stop. He is still a bastard under all that charm.


    ¡°London, if I didn¡¯t love you, I would have choked you until you passed out to avoid the agro.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, fuck you. FUCK YOU!!!¡± I yell it at him, purposely leaning as near to his ear as I can to


    deafen him with screeches, and he leans away slightly, a furrow to his brow as I obviously injure his


    eardrum. It¡¯s all I have.


    ¡°Do not make me silence you. You won¡¯t like it.¡± It¡¯s not really said in a snarling way. No growl, no evil


    intent. It¡¯s more of a sigh and an ¡®I¡¯m fed up¡¯ passive-aggressive remark.


    ¡°Don¡¯t make fucking threats or I will be gone as soon as you put me down, wanker. I¡¯m not afraid of


    you.¡± It¡¯s a lie, tears biting at my eyes and determination not to show him that¡¯s exactly what I am right


    now. Lost in the past mentally and everything blurring together insanely. My chest is constricting so


    much, my lungs are burning with the effort to breathe and I feel like I¡¯m escting to a point where


    breath will no longer be possible. My heart ripping through my rib cage as it pounds mercilessly against


    it. It physically hurts.


    I try to p his arse again, but he dumps me on my feet as soon as the lift doors shut, locking us in


    here; I totter unsteadily and m a palm to the wall to steady myself and I¡¯m momentarily stunned as I


    try to get my bearings. The silver steel box-like shell of a lift and the sudden release leaves me woozy;


    the room spins a little, and it shuts me up as that awful creeping cold washes over me and turns my


    stomach inside out. He pulls me to face him and thrusts my shoes at me harshly.


    ¡°We can dance in circles, insult each other, make threats, throw things, fight and have ourselves some


    major headache inducing drama. We both know that ends up with meing after you, saving your


    ass and then we kiss and make up ¡­ or ¡­ do as your fucking told, and I will take you somewhere nice


    for lunch after. Good girls get rewards.¡± Alexi moves back out of range of my shoes in case I make a


    swing for him, but I just re hatefully. Despising that tiny hint of a smirk and the way he¡¯s eyeing me


    up,pletely amused at my difort.


    ¡°Why are you such a tosser?¡± I¡¯m shell shocked. Feeling like he just dragged me through an emotional


    bush and I just blink at him bewildered. My brain leaving my body somehow like I¡¯m not really here.


    ¡°Why are you such a nightmare at times?¡±


    Despite everything I¡¯m feeling and fighting him on, his words wound me. Like a knife right in my heart.


    ¡°Fuck you. I don¡¯t even want to go to your stupid Casino, anyway.¡± I sulk, turning away from him to the


    left so I face the doors and not him, trying topose the rush of three thousand conflicting feelings


    pulling me apart inside. Alexi pulls me back to him again, annoyingly easily, stronger than I will ever be,


    a hand on my upper arm snugly.


    ¡°Our casino, Mrs Carrero.¡± It¡¯s a smug, sarcastic little smile and eyebrow raise, and it just ignites my


    fury once more. That sense of suffocation that turns all my sanity switches to off.


    ¡°Don¡¯t call me that, you utter wanker.¡± I impulsively swing a shoe at him, which he dodges expertly


    before breaking into augh and loses all forms of aggression. Not really seeing my tear-filled eyes or


    hearing the subtle sniff as I catch my misery from breaking through. Blind to everything except my fury,


    which seems to be amusing him.


    He has no concept of how much this is fucking me up inside. Everything feels different and shaky and


    suddenly all trust and security are gone. I feel alone all over again. Trapped in a box with no way out


    and limited oxygen that¡¯s running out. Alexi is dismissing my behaviour as me beingbative and


    grumpy and to him, it¡¯s banter, humour. Whatever the fuck he is reading it as, and he is acting


    ordingly. For once his great skills at reading people is failing him, well, not that I¡¯m surprised. He


    told me I¡¯m the one person in the world he finds impossible to read. My masks are as effective as his.


    ¡°Get used to it. It¡¯s your new title.¡± He smiles properly, a twinkle in his eye and that Hollywood finest


    dazzling his whites at me. It just leaves me cold.


    ¡°Don¡¯t make me hurt you. This isn¡¯t funny, Alexi.¡± It¡¯s a raw moment of strained emotion as he appears


    more amused by the second and he pulls a shoe out of my hand and drops it on the floor in front of me,


    motioning to put it on. I p the other one in his chest for him to hold, realising wearing shoes might be


    an advantage and re some more. Still trying to maintain that haughty demeanour and not let him see


    how much I¡¯m truly hurting inside.


    He can¡¯t see me weak and vulnerable. He¡¯ll exploit it, he knows how.


    ¡°It¡¯s a little funny. Look at you all riled up and ready to impale me with a shoe.¡± He tweaks my cheek


    cutely, holding onto my stiletto I almost stabbed him with and smiles at me in sickening adoration that is


    clearly fake, and a piss take. Laying it on thick and I baulk at how much I want to stab him in the centre


    of that smug arsehole face.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m such a catch. It¡¯s no wonder you jumped to marry me while I was semi-conscious and


    unable to make a rational decision on my own.¡± I spit back, bitterness and truth in my words, while


    pulling on my shoes and yank the other from him to follow suit. Oozing sarcasm through dislike and just


    get another infuriating smile dazzling my way.


    ¡°See, this is why we work. We understand each other so well.¡±


    No, we don¡¯t. You have no idea what I¡¯m thinking or feeling.


    ¡°Fuck up, tosser.¡± I pull my shoe on aggressively and then turn to stamp my foot down to get it on


    properly and cross my arms facing the door once more. Needing not to look at him while I get this


    under control and just breathe. Count to ten, let the panic pass and realise, he isn¡¯t actually hurting me.


    It¡¯s all in my head and he hasn¡¯t really done anything.


    I feel hatred and fear and a lot of other shit because my brain is having a hard time separating reality


    from the past, that¡¯s all. I need to calm down and evaluate all of this. Alexi could hurt me but he¡¯s not.


    He carried me but he¡¯s not actually trying to scare me.


    ¡°Psycho.¡± He tweaks my cheek again and earns himself a hand p for his efforts. Too tetchy and his


    touch is driving me crazy, making my skin feel like ants are crawling all over me.


    ¡°Stop trying to be cute, it¡¯s not working.¡± I¡¯m fully enveloped within myself and my own mental thoughts


    and he has no chance of bringing me round. Soon as we hit our floor, I¡¯m leaving him there and getting


    back in this lift so he cannot get to me. I need to be away from him like. I need my space, my freedom,


    my air, my sanity.


    I¡¯ll need to time it so that I dart back in as the doors shut and he is facing the other way. I¡¯ll show him


    how this will y out. No one will ever drag me back to very. To imprisonment. I didn¡¯t spend years


    fleeing and wing to be free, to end up right back in a locked room.


    I can¡¯t stop this overwhelming desire to just run. Fast as I can, as far as I can. From him. From my


    gilded cage, locks and chains, straps and crosses, and little dark rooms where objects are made to


    sleep so they know their ce.


    I close my eyes and force Rick out of my head, sickened at his sudden appearance and do my best to


    shake it away. Bile rising as his smarmy cruel grin bites at me inside my skull. Laughing at me for


    He¡¯s not Rick. He¡¯s not going to hurt me.


    I resist the urge to force my knuckles against my temples to drive him out, squeezing my eyes shut for


    a second to cull the movie in my head.


    When the door opens, I fasten on my fake sweet smile as soon as I feel the air from the hall hit my


    legs. Autopilot taking over and go to follow him out, as per my n. Head moving to calcte an


    escape n, but Alexi is having none of it and in a simr manoeuvre to our room, he hoists me back


    onto his shoulder in an undignified manner. Igniting my fight-or-flight impulse.


    ¡°Alexi!!!¡± I squeal as we depart, only this time he has had the foresight to pin my arms with my body so I


    literally cannot do a thing to break free. I can¡¯t hit or p or do anything except il around like a


    dolphin on drynd.


    Many heads turn our way as I¡¯m Neanderthal carried across the foyer, breathing heavily and just


    mentally adding this to the list of all the reasons he won¡¯t ever see me again after this. He¡¯s crossing


    the line.


    ¡°Can¡¯t have you making a run for it, can I London?¡± He bounces me on his shoulder so it almost winds


    me, and I get another arse p for my trouble. It¡¯s not heavy or sore it¡¯s just another Alexi ownership


    action. Another reason to flee.


    I hate that he knew exactly what I was thinking.


    Prick!!


    ¡°Stop fucking doing that. I honest to God fucking hate you sometimes!¡± Another venomous hiss through


    watery eyes and clenched tears. He has no clue what¡¯s going on inside of me and stupidly thinks this is


    just how we are asionally.


    ¡°Just sometimes? It must be true love.¡± He throws back with a merry tone and I relent, seeing boobs at


    the main desk, watching us as her eyes almost pop out of her head. It has a dampening effect on me,


    self-preservation kicking in and her snide blue eyes distract me from my current mood. I lift my chin,


    swallow it all down for appearance''s sake because I hate that tramp. I¡¯ll be damned if she thinks Alexi


    and I are in trouble, so I try to look less abducted and more ¡®lovers having fun¡¯. Smirking cattily and


    wink at her when she catches my eye. Bitch looks away but I get none of the smugness from putting


    her in her ce. I just want to wail at him to let me go.


    I could honestly punch him in the throat about now.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like you very much.¡± I hurl it at his head quietly, turning to re at him from my viewpoint with


    every ounce of loathing I can muster right at this moment.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t say you don¡¯t love me so I will take that as a good sign.¡±


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    ¡°Wanker.¡±


    ¡°Wifey! I like that, I may now call you that instead of London.¡± He really seems to be enjoying my pain,


    much like he used to. Jocr light tone, bouncing me like he has a kid on his hip. I actually despise


    him.


    ¡°I swear to fucking God, stop FUCKING calling me that.¡± It¡¯s no better than Rick calling me his ¡®little girl¡¯


    his ¡®pretty¡¯. Labels for toys, titles for possessions.


    Nausea chokes me as bile rises in my throat and I clench my eyes closed to shift that bastard out of my


    head. In all these years I have never had this much trouble closing him down and pushing him away as


    I¡¯m having now. I know it¡¯s all rted. Trapped, suffocating, seeing Alexi as the bad guy since I woke


    up. It¡¯s a mental breakdown of epic proportions fuelled by a ustrophobic response to waking up


    married.


    ¡°Mrs Carrero has a nice ring to it. Mrs Cami Carrero, the wifey!¡± He repeats himself loudly, obviously


    in the full throes of amusing himself and as we make our way past nosey arseholes milling around and


    out to the limo, that¡¯s waiting, I just give inpletely. I stop fighting and go limp like I did anytime I


    knew the oue would be worse if I fought it. There is nothing in me and my body is fatigued and


    achy.


    ¡°You know what, I don¡¯t care. You¡¯re a sadistic arse who will say it just to annoy me, so, go ahead. It


    doesn¡¯t bother me. You¡¯ll soon get bored.¡± I slump, losing all what¡¯s left of my dwindling energy and


    fight. Too restricted to move, too weak to ever be a match for him.


    Defeated. Experience has taught me I¡¯m never a match for who he can be.


    ¡°I doubt it.¡± He shakes me to rile me up some more andughs quietly when I try to knee him in the


    chest impulsively. Pretty hard to do in a restrictive figure-hugging navy shift dress.


    ¡°I hope your casino flops.¡± I¡¯m being childish now, but I¡¯m totally done. All I have left is verbal insults


    and closing down to behave like a spoiled baby.


    ¡°Well, seeing as you will be involved, and it¡¯s also now going to be half your casino, then that¡¯s a really


    silly wish. If it flops, I may just dump you in it to revive it like you did the club and visit you for the


    asional weekend booty call.¡± Heughs again, genuine low, husky and natural.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t bloody dare. I would cut your balls off for dumping me here and showing up for sex.¡± He


    at least ignites that green jealous psycho from deep down with that statement, and it¡¯s a wee


    break to the despair I was spiralling down into. A flicker of normal at the thought of him using me in


    some way.


    ¡°Better keep me sweet then, hadn¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°You know what, we are done talking. I can¡¯t stand it when you¡¯re like this, so I¡¯m not talking to you


    anymore.¡± It didn¡¯tst and my energy waivers with another Alexi torment. Still struggling from the


    effects ofst night on top of everything and unable to fight my own body and mind when in chaos


    without energy.


    ¡°Can I have that in writing because that sounds like bliss to me?¡± He just sounds chipper and smug.


    ¡°Fuck you!¡±


    ¡°I knew it was too good to be true. Heads up beautiful, our car is awaiting your sexy ass.¡± He dumps


    me on my feet once more and ungraciously shoves me in an open car door under the wary eye of the


    doorman holding it. I¡¯m pushed around easily, like a damp ragdoll, now all my resolve has fluttered


    away.

 Chapter 177

    Chapter 177


    I just snap my lips shut, throw Alexi my most venomous look and slide across the seat in an attempt to


    w back some dignity, crossing my arms once more and moving away so he won¡¯t touch me, and to


    show him how pissed off I am. Alexi slides in, ps my thigh a little saucily and nudges me over with


    his shoulder and hip so he can have more room. His grey eyes fixing on mine, light and cloudless,


    which suggests he really isn¡¯t in abative mode at all. He looks annoyingly chilled.


    ¡°Rude!¡± I snap, annoyed that he bodily moved me while smirking like a smug dickhead at his own


    hrities. Nothing about this is funny. His manhandling, his manner, his fucking annoyingly happy and


    jokey mood. He has plenty to be sorry for.


    Abduction, assault, imprisonment, all very good reasons for me to be pissed off at him.


    ¡°Yeah but I¡¯m sexy, so I get away with it.¡± He really is on some weird happy sarcastic mood kick. I look


    to the ceiling for strength and exhale noisily.


    ¡°What is wrong with you? Why are you being so ¡­ ugh.¡± I give up. I¡¯m in a strange ce between


    tearful, afraid and seething mad and can¡¯t seem to figure out what to do with all of that. It just has me


    tired. Prickly, caged in andshing out like a terrified cat in a cage.


    ¡°Happy? Non-argumentative?¡± He smiles with that devilish twinkle in his eye and throws his arm across


    the back of the seat as we get shut inside, so he circles my shoulders. Closing in on me like prey he¡¯s


    about to devour.


    ¡°Prickish,¡± I retort coldly.


    ¡°Because I woke up this morning and realised, I get to torment the shit out of you every single day for


    the rest of your life, and you signed up for it.¡±


    If that¡¯s what you call it? Ownership and abuse.


    That cheeky smirk turns into a full-on grin with his arrogant cockiness at the fact I¡¯m now tethered to


    this arsehole until I divorce him or die trying. I can already tell he¡¯s going to be unbearable. In his head,


    I probably just need sleep, time, indulgence, to get over my mood and we can live happily ever after in


    our forced marriage.


    ¡°You know people get married to love and cherish each other for life, not see it as an excuse to deliver


    emotional and mental torture to the one stuck with them.¡± The truth in my words sting, and I have to


    close my eyes again to control the waterfall waiting to tumble out.


    ¡°Yeah, but you married me.¡± A wink this time, which pulls an eye roll and a grimace out of me. I¡¯m not


    impressed with this man; from the moment I opened my eyes, and it¡¯s getting worse by the minute.


    Nothing he can say or do will help.


    ¡°God help me. We need to get a divorce; I already hate you and it¡¯s only been one morning.¡±


    This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.


    ¡°It¡¯s against my religion, looks like it¡¯s till death do us part.¡± He scoops my hand in his and surrounds


    my fingers with his snugly, pulling my hand onto hisp and cradles it there. I don¡¯t stop him. Wishing


    the normal soothing warmth his touch gives me was present, but it¡¯s not. I just stiffen, let my hand go


    ck and don¡¯t react in the way I normally would at his touch. That sense of calm and safe is dead. I


    feel restrained.


    I sulk and stare out the window and ponder my life. About what I¡¯m going to do with this nugget head


    next to me and that goddamn marriage certificate. I can¡¯t stay with him like this. It¡¯ll only make me feel


    worse. Like suffocating to death every day of your life, over and over¡ªlike drowning.


    I watch the Vegas scenery roll by, trying to get lost in my own thoughts, resigned that I should stop


    opposing this trip and get it over and done with. I¡¯m only slightly aware of Alexi¡¯s voice when he starts


    talking to someone on his cell phone. I zone him out and rest my head against the chair behind me,


    letting out all my anxiety and woes in a long emptying breath. Trying hard to calm myself, ease the


    rivers of moltenva pouring through my body. nk out the pain and fear and grasp at rational.


    I just need to get my head around this before I can figure out my next step. Try to battle down my


    demons and think logically. I know most of this is an erratic panicked response to a situation, and it¡¯s


    made worse byck of sleep and a major hangover. I should breathe and let it all slow down and sink in


    gently.


    I mean what¡¯s the worst oue, really. Sensibly, if I forget why I¡¯m feeling like I do.


    I¡¯m living with him already, so I guess it just bes permanent. No big horror there. If he behaves


    and nothing changes then it¡¯s no different to cohabiting ¡­ right?


    No. He owns me now.


    I get more respect from everyone if I¡¯m not just his mistress; I guess. A Carrero is protected and


    cherished in his world.


    That¡¯s not worth it.


    Okay, job security because he will never fire his wife.


    Yes, he would. He totally would because he now thinks he has a say over everything I do.


    I try to see the positives beyond the whole getting to spend my life with him and share his bed every


    night, shackled to my master and obedience whether I agree or not. If I try hard and forget the ¡®owned


    for life by aplete control freak who knows how to destroy me¡¯, maybe I will calm down.


    It¡¯s marriage. Tied to him for eternity. Possible servitude, and what if I try to leave him?


    Running away as his wife will be a hell of a lot harder than just some random mistress.


    I ran when I was thirteen. It got me locked in a little room, tied to a bed and punished for days. Alexi


    isn¡¯t all that different. I¡¯m his now. He owns me legally. He wouldn¡¯t take kindly to me running.


    Stop it, Cami. Alexi isn¡¯t Rick. You¡¯re blurring the lines because it scares you. Stop obsessing and


    think clearly.


    The girl who swore to never allow another man to own her in any way. To never bow down and ept


    another master, and I just drunkenly married the biggest control freak I have ever met in my life.


    Someone who has proven to me before just how much of a cruel sadist he can be. Someone who


    broke me in ways no man ever has.


    I shudder at the thought that he could change now he has the leverage over me and involuntarily


    tremble.


    I can¡¯t see past it.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± Alexi turns his head, pausing on his phone mid-conversation to look at me, pulling my


    eyes to him. Concern etched lightly on that smooth tanned face.


    ¡°Hungover and in need of a nap.¡± I lie faultlessly, impulsively, hiding the real reasons behind my


    shakes. Internally crapping myself for something most girls spend their life dreaming of. Alexi¡¯s


    expression softens and he smiles a tad.


    ¡°We won¡¯t stay long, and we can have lunch at the suite after, if you prefer that to going out?¡± He cocks


    his head to the side with a studious scan of my face. I can tell he¡¯s doubting the truth in my words; he


    has an inkling I¡¯m not beingpletely honest, and I turn back to the window to stop him dissecting


    me. Finding pain in the gentle look he is giving me, and it only makes my thoughts riot all over again.


    If he gets a whiff of my desire to run, who knows how that will go. He woulde after me.


    ¡°Yeah. I need more sleep.¡± I exhale heavily as though to prove the point, cringing as he squeezes my


    hand with a little tender acknowledgement and goes back to his call.


    I feel wretched for lying to him. I haven¡¯t done that since we started this romantic, lovers to whatever


    we are now, and all it does is make me feel guilty. Crazy really, considering I used to lie my way


    through life effortlessly and I¡¯m sat here convincing myself he is once again the devil incarnate and


    about to chain me to a cross.


    I don¡¯t lie to him anymore and I curse myself for eating myself inside out because of it. My hand moves


    to myp, sliding free of his and I fidget with the hem of my tailored blouse over the long pencil skirt I¡¯m


    wearing. Nervously, brain and emotions in turmoil.


    Stop internalising and just tell him. Give him the chance to defend himself and sort your head out,


    Cami. Let him help you shake away the demons and give you the reassurance once more. You know


    he can.


    I know that there is a side of him that reaches me in ces no one can. If I speak, say something,


    maybe his part can find mine. She¡¯s in here hiding, curled up small and crying to be saved from herself


    all over again. I need to focus on the fact he is the one person who has proven he can do that.


    Help me settle the demons back into their deep dark holes and show me the way once more.


    ¡°Actually ¡­¡± I clear my throat as the word tumbles out painfully, nerves choke me instantly and I curse


    myself for my inability to just tell him the truth. My inner conscience when ites to him is annoyingly


    dominant, guilt mauling me, but my fear of verbalising vulnerability is taking over. Old Cami and old


    habits are hard to separate when I feel like everything is in jeopardy.


    Alexi pauses, moves his phone to his shoulder and regards me seriously. That look that tells me


    nothing at all and I realise I can¡¯t really gauge how he will react when I¡¯m unable to tell how he is feeling


    at the moment. Too caught up in myself to read him. I lose my couragepletely and swallow my


    words.


    ¡°Never mind, it¡¯ll keep forter.¡± I fold, even more so when those dark annoyingly perfect straight


    eyebrows furrow across his face and he looks a tiny bit irritated. Just adding to the weight of my fear.


    ¡°If you¡¯re sure?¡± It¡¯s onest olive branch to talk this out but I shrug it away. Insides gnawing with


    nerves. Couragecking and I swallow it down.


    We have a whole casino to view and then an afternoon in our hotel no doubt. We don¡¯t fly home until


    tomorrow so I¡¯m sure it can keep until we are alone. Build up some bravado to broach this topic once


    more when I¡¯m less hungover and dying. Maybe give him a chance to help me through this mess in my


    head because I don¡¯t think I can do it alone.


    ¡°Positive.¡± I throw a weak, feeble smile that doesn¡¯t ring true and avoid his prative gaze once more.


    Breaking my heart because I need help to get me through what I¡¯m feeling, and I just denied myself the


    hand of the person who has the power. I¡¯m pulling away from him and dissolving all we have built.


    I¡¯m willing the minutes away until we get to this damn building. Alexi goes back to his call and I can tell


    it¡¯s Mico on the other end when I actually listen to what he is saying. Trying to focus on something other


    than my own mental breakdown and breathe slowly in through my nose to push the anxiety attack


    further away.


    ¡°She will forgive me, eventually. Might cost me a divorce though.¡± He winks when he catches me


    watching him and my face flushes at how easily he is joking about this. It¡¯s surreal that he just doesn¡¯t


    get it.


    His mood isn¡¯t on the negative side even if he is in cool and controlled mode, but I guess it¡¯s because


    we are on our way to a business appointment. Alexi wears different masks for different scenarios and


    likes to get in character and the right mindset before getting there. He might just be cheerful about


    buying something new and putting this issue aside while he focuses on what he is doing.


    That¡¯s what he does, and I know this. He has always separated the emotional aspect from business


    and put one aside when needed.


    I don¡¯t get why he isn¡¯t more freaked out like me over this whole marriage thing though. Alexi is literally


    the biggestmitment-phobe on the and had no intention of shackling himself to anyone, ever.


    He didn¡¯t even rate women as worthy of constantpanionship before us.


    How can he not understand how huge and terrifying all of this is?


    He smirks as he listens to his right-hand man, looking irritatingly handsome in his casual attire and


    well-groomed appearance. Rxed, confident and very much still the wolf-like sex god I met in the first


    days of life with Alexi. Getting to know this nicer side has never taken away from that badass persona


    and panther-like demeanour he has going on. If anything, knowing him the way I am beginning to only


    makes me realise how effortlessly suited to his world he is and none of it was ever an act. He really is a


    straight up gangster.


    ¡°Well, she dislikes Mrs Carrero immensely, so maybe stick with Cami. Yeah, hates it more than


    London.¡±


    Ha fucking Ha.


    So now they¡¯re joking over what to call me. I whip my hand out and stick my middle finger up at him in


    an udylike retort and frown grumpily his way. Still agitated and all over the ce.


    ¡°Tosser.¡±


    He just smiles at me, dimples and charm oozing over me and I try to ignore the little internal flutters


    they still give me. Hints of him rxing and the hostile snap at me earlier is fading away. His move


    back to a sunnier disposition is unwittingly calming me down.


    I riled him with my reaction and Alexi does what he does, gets hostile and bites back because I know


    you have to handle him a certain way. It¡¯s a circle with us. I bite, he bites, I bite harder and so on until


    something gives. Alexi took another route and has been trying to diffuse us away from fire and hell hath


    no fury, knowing this is what we do. He¡¯s trying tobat it.


    Another hint that I¡¯m just overreacting and should just talk to him about what I¡¯m feeling, instead of


    pushing him away and hating him for my messy head.


    Damn him.


    ¡°Yup that was her. Looks like I might be on the couch for the rest of our unofficial honeymoon.¡± He


    chuckles with no seriousness, mood still improving as the morning progresses and I¡¯m overwhelmed


    with almighty heartfelt guilt and crushing regret.


    He tries so hard and every time I just p him down and see only the worst in his intentions. I always


    fail to see what¡¯s staring me in the face. I let my mistrust blind me to reality.


    He loves me and would change the world to keep me happy.


    Thatment is the final straw, I don¡¯t even know why, other than I just can¡¯t hold all this in anymore


    and everything I have been clenching inside like a crumbling damn just bursts free, like the frayed rope


    holding the weight up, finally snaps. All the angst and anxiety and worry and confusion, fear and


    memories, and I just burst into immediate tears with a loud spontaneous sob. Pain because I¡¯m hurting


    both of us with my ingrained insecurity and terror.


    My hands fly to my face and I turn away, so he doesn¡¯t see me cry like a moron. Mortified that it all just


    broke like this when I was trying to keep it from him. I couldn¡¯t hold the act any longer and now I¡¯m


    gushing wounds and heartache all over myself. A pathetic woeful copse, ripping masks off left, right


    and centre.


    Everything just hurts so much.


    ¡°London? Cam? What is it?¡± His hands pull me back to him, unravelling my tightly hunched body as he


    unclips my belt and tugs me into hisp and a strong embrace, fluidly. Speedy, effortless because to


    him I¡¯m feather light. He pulls my face to his and curls in around me, caging me into that security of his


    warm body so he has his nose touching mine from a weird angle. Instantly wrapped in Carrero and


    strangely cocooned in a tight space that just feels and smells of him.


    Instant safety, the missing sense of security I was aching for, and despite my whirring thoughts, he is


    still an anchor in the stormy sea when I least expect it.


    ¡°Talk to me.¡± The soft concern in his tone matches the panic in his voice and I stop my stupid noises to


    try to talk. Blubbering like a fool, sodden from my outpouring and floundering hysterically. Swallowing


    and inhaling heavily to calm the crazy and say something. My insides heavy and weighed down with


    aching pain.


    ¡°How can ¡­ you ¡­ why are you not ¡­?¡± It¡¯s a mess of soggy words and sniffs and I gulp as I try to


    regain control properly. Unable to pull myself together for one coherent sentence.


    ¡°Take a breath, calm down. Nice and slow. Take your time, baby.¡± He strokes my face so very gently


    and smooths my hair away from my now drenched cheeks tenderly, that coldness has gone and only


    the soft and caring version of Alexi is here with me right now. The man I need. Smoothing my hair,


    brushing my cheeks to catch falling drips and snuggles me in so close, all my senses home into his


    body and nothing else.


    I will always need him.


    I needed him when I woke up, not the angry yelling him, that snaps when I do. I needed this version of


    him to just give me time to filter in what I was finding out.


    Brushing through the hair on my temple with his fingertips to calm me down as he cradles me close


    with his other arm tightly around me. Finding a strand of my hair to twist in the way he does when he is


    soothing me, my scalp tingles from the tiny tugging and I find the inner calm moving back in to silence


    the manic panic. Gaining control of my tears and erratic gasping, burying my face against him and


    holding on tight like my life depends on him. Clinging to my rock.


    He still has the gift.


    ¡°I¡¯m scared.¡± Ites out breathily, a low feeble whisper, and he frowns as he strains to hear me.


    Pulling my face back with careful fingers so he doesn¡¯t lose eye contact with me. So close he¡¯s blurry to


    my tear-washed eyes.


    ¡°Of what? Me? I thought we were past that.¡± The crestfallen way his face changes and he hugs me a


    little closer, wrapping me in a bear hug. Regret evident in that gorgeous pair of the palest grey eyes.


    Bringing me hypnotically to stillness and shaking some sense into me finally as it¡¯s allid in front of me


    so obviously. Alexi was never going to hurt me. He¡¯s who he is for me, and that won¡¯t change, even


    with a binding license to tie me to him.


    My past, my fears choking me into this hysteria. He isn¡¯t the reason. I¡¯m punishing him for my own


    scars.


    ¡°Marriage. Ownership ¡­ being a prisoner.¡± I can barely say the offending words, gulping and breathing


    in heavily to regain some sense of sanity and stillness. The trauma of uttering it brings full-on shame


    coursing through me horribly. Alexi squeezes me again and turns my strand of hair around his finger a


    little more so the scalp tingles to ground me again. Instinctively knowing how to soothe me, with just his


    low tone, soft touches and keeping me close.

 Chapter 178

    Chapter 178


    ¡°You think marrying me changes anything, Cam? It¡¯s paper, nothing else. It won¡¯t change anything


    about us. Everything I said still stands. You can still walk away if this doesn¡¯t work out and get


    everything I promised, and more. I¡¯m not going to turn into some domineering psycho that chains you to


    the kitchen sink. Marriage means something to me. I want to make you happy and I wouldn¡¯t jeopardise


    what we have for anything.¡± His soft voice lulls me into quiet, and even though the tears still roll down


    my face, I finally calm. Soothed by his husky voice and the way it washes over me like a gentle


    summer breeze on a hot day. My lighthouse in the dark.


    ¡°I never got to choose. I have no memory of any of it. No proposal, no wedding, nothing. Just a


    hangover and a piece of paper signed by fucking Elvis. It¡¯s devastating. I just woke up belonging to you


    legally and that¡¯s it. Just your possession ¡­ like I was to him. Something to be passed around and


    caged, trapped ¡­ controlled.¡± The raw rasp as my words fall out of their own ord. Whole truths, no


    hiding, even though it¡¯s painful to say it. I shiver with the thought of that monster again and blink him


    out of my mind¡¯s eye.


    This time Alexi sighs and pulls my chin up slightly so I¡¯m looking up into those endless pale greys head


    on. So animal-like in many ways, yet also perfect and alluring and the grounding magic for me. I could


    stare into those eyes for ever and a day and never get bored of looking at them. They are most


    definitely his best feature, even though they can also make him the most terrifying at times. Right now,


    they hold me still, captive to him and he traces my cheekbone down to my jawline tenderly. Igniting that


    familiar stomach of tingles and butterflies, drawing me to that sense of safety.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t even think of it that way. I¡¯m sorry. You¡¯re not a possession, you¡¯re my soul and the most


    precious thing I have in my life. I¡¯ll make that up to you, I swear. We just need to use it to our advantage


    in the meantime and take it one day at a time. When you see that all it changes are the things which


    benefit you, then maybe it won¡¯t seem so huge, so scary. I don¡¯t own you. I never will. Marriage isn¡¯t


    about that for me, I¡¯m not my cousins. You will always be the one who calls the shots, even if I like to


    pretend I¡¯m in charge. You own me, London, heart and soul. I could never hurt you again, it would kill


    me.¡±


    His words cause a lump to catch in my throat and my heart to constrict with deep emotion, all while


    soothing my frazzled nerves, bringing rational thought back, and I rest against him so helplessly. My


    temple finding the hollow against his corbone and I tuck my head under his chin like a child. Curling


    up small to take what I need from him when I feel like I¡¯ve been cast loose on a stormy sea.


    ¡°This is all so overwhelming for someone like me. I have hang-ups and issues, Lexi, all of them pointed


    at a life with no man calling the shots¡ªever. I have never seen a healthy marriage up close. All the


    men who used my services were married, sexist pricks and screwing around behind their wives¡¯ backs


    while dominating them in life. They lost their identity, their voices, their sense of worth. Hardly a great


    example of what marriage is. Marriage is something I never wanted and just feared what it would be.¡±


    ¡°You think I nned a wedding? Until you, Cam, I didn¡¯t even n on a steady lover. I never fucked the


    same woman regrly beyond a couple of weeks. This is all new to me too. You broke all the rules for


    me in so many ways and we make this what we want it to be, together. We decide what marriage is to


    us. I promise you ¡­ I won¡¯t be like those men.¡±


    ¡°Mr Carrero, we are at your destination.¡± The driver''s voicees over the in-car tannoy system,


    interrupting us, putting an abrupt end to our conversation and we both sit up a little. Alexi frowns at the


    faceless voice, irritation peeking because he obviously needs more time with me.


    ¡°Great.¡± He responds into the air and scoops me into a bear hug so tight it¡¯s an inch away from


    breaking ribs. A final reassurance before showtime because we can¡¯t sit in here indefinitely and he


    knows it as well as I do. Disappointment floods me as I realise this is what I needed. This side of him


    cutting through my panic and holding me still. I¡¯m not ready to let go.


    ¡°One day at a time. One step at a time. Nothing changes except your name and that¡¯s for your benefit.


    We can talk more after we get back to the hotel, but right now, baby, I need you toe in and look at


    this ce with me. I need you to be the queen I know you can be. Put on a face and act like you want


    to be here. Can you do that for me? We won¡¯t be long and then you can fall apart again right after. It¡¯s


    my job to pick up your pieces and we can get through this.¡± There is an undertone of pleading as his


    embrace ckens, his words mending some of my shattered heart and I sniff back, swallowing my


    upset and ster a small smile on my face. Weak from my outburst but he has dispelled so many


    demonic voices that were wing my brain apart.


    ¡°I can do that for you.¡± I sound like a little girl promising a parent to be better after a scolding. Watery,


    sniffly and just very vulnerable. Alexi is treating me with kid gloves and brushes my tears away softly.


    ¡°I never doubted it.¡± He kisses me on the tip of my nose, pulling a smile from me unexpectedly. Such a


    goofy and weirdly sweet kiss and I give him onest cuddle, wiping my face as I do so on the back of


    my hand.


    The car pulls to a sudden stop and Alexi deposits me back on my seat, clumsily wiping my face for me


    once more which I know must be awful. It¡¯s a paternal tenderness and brings a brighter, genuine smile


    to my face. My whole demeanour finding something to hold on to and maintain some serenity this time.


    My mascara and eyeshadow must be running everywhere, and God knows how intact my eyeliner is. I


    try to pull myself together, dabbing my eyes and face and wiping underneath them with practised


    fingers to try and remove the worst of my runny makeup. Alexi smooths my hair down with ast


    appraisal over me and then turns as his door is opened and gets out, stopping just outside to extend a


    hand to me and I follow obediently.


    No hesitation in his touch anymore. Calmer because I no longer feel as threatened by him and logic


    has a better foundation on which to perch.


    He takes my hand in his as I slide the rest of the way over the seat and step outside to straighten up.


    instinctively smoothing my dress as I go. Before I get to move past him, he steps in and bends to kiss


    me on the mouth so gently it¡¯s almost nothing, just a graze of lips, but it sends my heart hammering


    through my chest in a pleasant frenzy of tingles and flutters. It brings me back to reality further, shutting


    the door on a million ghosts clutching at the depths of my soul.


    He is blocking my path and giving us a moment to leave that little scene in the car behind us. He¡¯s


    closing a metaphorical ck hole for me. Brushing it aside so I can adopt my game face and do what


    he needs.


    ¡°You look beautiful, as always. Smile and look adoring, London. We have a casino to buy.¡± He kisses


    me on my forehead, this time with more pressure, a firm reassurance, before stepping aside, locking


    our fingers together firmly and leading the way. My body pulled against his side so we are touching as


    much as is humanly possible, and I take strength from his natural warmth and strong build.


    I do exactly as he says. Suck it up and present that seasoned actress I spent a lifetime perfecting, to


    the world. Lift that defiant chin with as much confidence as I can muster.


    All I can focus on is being what he needs me to be right now. A role to y. An old familiar habit to


    detract me from reality for a little while.


    I can do this.


    We are outside the covered entrance to a very huge and morous building that¡¯s as intimidating as he


    can be. It¡¯s dated but you have all the basics of luxury and opulence in the entranceway, including


    doormen and valet parking. I eye up the hustle and bustle of people milling around for such an early


    hour and take it as a good sign there is life and money in this building yet.


    I cling to Alexi¡¯s hand, trying to look and feel more human but rely on him fully for my strength. A


    complete contrast to the journey over here, and I swallow down the messy, tangled brain waves to get


    on track. Steadier legs, lungs freeing up enough to breathe. Eyes scanning the building and giving me


    a focus that strengthens my ability to pull myself together.


    The colour scheme is pretty ancient, in golds, reds and burgundies that look worn, it¡¯s reflected in the


    carpets and walls and in need of a repaint. It¡¯s ssic casino from the nies and I can see wear and


    tear on every surface as we venture inside. Chipping paint, scuffed brass fittings, and faded threadbare


    patches across the sea of gross, swirling patterned shag pile that goes beyond the horizon.


    My head forgets all the previous emotion, locking it all down into a neat little box forter while my


    designer and critical business eye move in, pushing everything else aside. That numb calm that is a


    weing feeling.


    It has potential, really nice fixtures and fittings that could use a refurb to bring the gold hue back to what


    it once was. Huge chandeliers but very tired and could use a polish and possible upgrade. The


    ambience is depressing with way too many low lights and a stale smoke and booze odour throughout


    the grand room. The windows are all covered in heavy curtains that should be opened with sheers and


    framed with something more luxurious to bring some brightness into this space.


    Despite the shoddy d¨¦cor, the ce is heaving, even for an early weekend morning, and the noise of


    slot machines ringing from my left pull my eyes to a huge area filled with rows and rows of them. D¨¦cor


    matching the room we are in.


    ¡°Mr Carrero.¡± A voice drags my attention back to the suited middle-aged man approaching us,


    apanied by matching ck-suited men that are not a patch on Alexi¡¯s normal security. Theyck


    the build and intimidating look of Carrero. You can tell they are probably a bunch of pussy cats and not


    really all that effective.


    All wearing cheap suits and overly serious expressions, pretending to be far meaner than they are. It¡¯s


    all just posturing and hardly effective when you¡¯ve been in the presence of real terrifying men. Alexi


    doesn¡¯t let go of my hand, just steps forward and extends his other to shake the hand of short guy with


    the overly white teeth. He¡¯s pushing his fifties but trying to stay young with cosmetic help and a bad


    haircut that tries to conceal his balding head. The teeth look as fake as his tan.


    ¡°Mr Rogers. This is Cami, my wife.¡± Alexi sounds almost proud when he says it and it does weird


    things to my insides. That breathy intake of panic at that alien word; I inhale slowly to counteract it. I


    don¡¯t outwardly react though, just smile and extend a hand when he moves to me with an offered


    handshake. Keeping myself in check and showing nothing of the war those words inflicted on me. He


    has the grace to ignore my obvious patchy makeup job and smiles politely.


    A mmy, sweaty, warm, squelching embrace, palm to palm that tells me this guy is shitting himself


    right now and riddled with nerves. I watch him a little more closely as he steps away, releasing my now


    moist hand and his eyes dart back to Alexi.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    All the signs on show, sweating, breathless, antsy behaviour and overly loud volume when talking. He¡¯s


    either scared of my man or this deal means way more than I expected. He isn¡¯t a match to my cool,


    controlled, crazy to my left. Alexi looks amused by the obvious show of submission and I know his


    sadistic side will get a kick out of the unintentional intimidation. He is a cocky arse sometimes, and he


    loves nothing more than showing off his prowess of alpha with inferior men like this. He oozes that sort


    ofmand that most men seem to pick up on.


    ¡°Pleasure.¡± Sweaty smiles quickly at me but it¡¯s an uninterested pause before he waves at the foyer


    behind him and ushers us to where he ventured from. His full interest is on Alexi and his approval and


    I¡¯m a secondary annoyance in his day. Another man that sees women as worthless objects to bang. I¡¯m


    d a Carrero of Alexi¡¯s choosing will rece him.


    ¡°Let¡¯s start upstairs in the observation area, that way you can get a bird¡¯s-eye view and we will take it


    from there.¡± He points up at the very high ceiling to a weird half circle area with endless mirrors along


    one corner of the room, and Alexi nods. It¡¯s obviously a secure room to spy on clientele from the


    clouds.


    ¡°Sure. My wife could use a ss of something cold and maybe a sandwich before we start, she isn¡¯t


    feeling very well and skipped breakfast. If you have a room, she can go freshen up too?¡± Alexi turns to


    me with that deadpan expression but his tightening sp on my hand tells me he is trying to make me


    feel important. Putting my needs before all, and the request for a powder room is because he knows


    I¡¯m feeling underdressed and grubby with my tear-stained face.


    He didn¡¯t like the obvious dismissal of my presence and is regaining his position as the dominant.


    Enforcing that his wife is just as crucial to this as he is and herfort trumps all in this room. My


    insides warm at his attention, anotheryer of anxiety sliding away and releasing me from that internal


    heaviness. No master would make a point of putting his possession¡¯s needs first in a business meeting


    of importance.


    I love him.


    Sweaty looks constipated suddenly, and I guess it pisses him off that he will have to pander to the


    woman before Lord Alexi budges on a tour.


    I sigh and squeeze his hand back, feeling for the first time what being a queen is like. Equal importance


    in the eye of the King. No one else gets to dismiss her, even if she isn¡¯t important to the scenario. I¡¯m


    no longer an invisible female in a room of men. All eyes are on me.


    I know my job and it¡¯s not to embarrass him in front of these men, it¡¯s to make him proud of his choice


    in a mate. Prove that I¡¯m worthy of standing by his side when he wants me to.


    I ster on my best, award-winning and seductive smile, tilt my shoulders back to straighten my


    posture and stand tall as I lift that chin. Sweeping my red hair back over my shoulder gracefully and fix


    the little greaseball firmly with my eye.


    ¡°That would be awesome, I¡¯m so hungover from this madman¡¯s drinking shenanigansst night. Just


    can¡¯t keep pace with him. He¡¯s a devil, I swear.¡± I purr demurely, old Cami moving in with ease now


    she has a role to y and knows what¡¯s expected of her.


    Schmooze and charm, be the adoring wife and help him see the possibility in this very huge building. I


    can do this with my eyes closed.


    Easy.


    Alexi rxes so slightly that I¡¯m the only one in the room who catches the way his stiff posture loosens


    a little. That sexy intense way he¡¯s pinning me with soulless eyes softens and he turns to the man with


    a confident smile as baldy nods ecstatically. Falling over himself to meet our demands.

 Chapter 179

    Chapter 179


    The casino is pretty much the same story all over. Dated and worn but has so much potential for a


    buyer with enough cash to inject into the ce. It¡¯s busy the entire hour we are here, with never-ending


    pings and tinkling noises from the slot machines, and the croupiers on the casino floor have people at


    every table. The addiction is severe in Vegas and the shattered dreams and empty pockets of many a


    soul is to be had. It¡¯s a sign though that it¡¯s a money maker, with a ready-made customer base who


    won¡¯t go anywhere, anytime soon.


    The manager tells us that the owner is simply not interested in his casino anymore and injected his


    cash into his new neen-year-old bride and their mansion in the Bahamas. He¡¯s not looking to pay


    out money to update the d¨¦cor and wants a fast sale to the highest bidder to retire in peace and live out


    his days with his child bride. So, a perfect opportunity for a master of making cash like Alexi. He has


    the funds to pour into it and the drive to make it work.


    I mentally high five the old man¡¯s gold-digging wife though. Clearly set her eyes on a goal and will end


    up a very rich widow if she knows how to screw him into an early grave. I always thought it was the


    route I would one day take, but I guess I lucked out and found myself a billionaire whose money is the


    least important thing to me. The man himself, with none of it, would be enough. I would follow Alexi if


    he was broke and homeless.


    Talking of which, he hasn¡¯t let go of my hand the entire time we have been here, making me feel better


    somehow. My calming rock who seems to sense that it¡¯s only his touch that is keeping me from rolling


    back into that fragile mess I was in the car. I think he might be right. I still feel a tad shaky in terms of


    mental stability on the whole waking up hitched thing, but I¡¯m trying not to think about it at all.


    Removing the shards of panic and hysteria a little at a time as he keeps messoed to him no matter


    where we go. The only time he did let me go was when I went to thedies¡¯ room to fix my god-awful


    reflection. Cursed at his lie, the one telling me I looked beautiful. Clearly, the shithead just wanted me


    to get out of the car and I looked like someone had poured the contents of my makeup bag down my


    face. Luckily, I always carry a patch up kit in my bag and he had the sense to bring it with him while


    abducting me from our hotel room. Not that looking normal once more changed baldy¡¯s attitude towards


    me in any way.


    It¡¯s obvious that beingbelled wife is a huge shift in how men of his world treat women like me though.


    They are staying respectful and wary of how to respond when I chirp in with my two cent¡¯s worth.


    Listening when I talk and kissing my arse as much as they are kissing his. Seems they have a fear that


    annoying me will get them some sort of backhanded wallop in the face. Maybe a throat punch.


    Content is property of N?velDrama.Org.


    I¡¯m now seeing what it is my clever man was trying to show me when we arrived. Putting me in the


    centre, bringing focus to my needs. He always was a man of action over words.


    That by his side, bearing his name, I¡¯m treated in a whole different manner by all those around me. It


    doesn¡¯t just give me protection from wannabe Mafia whores with a penchant towards abductions and


    murder; it forces respect where I no longer have to take any shit from any man in his domain anymore.


    Well, from anyone. Alexi is literally the only man alive who won¡¯t get shot in the head for pissing me off


    now that I¡¯m deemed worthy of a title. It¡¯s weird.


    Alexi was pointing out that my importance just skyrocketed and suddenly made me a valuable figure in


    the room. I¡¯m not a broken street rat or whore anymore. My past wiped clean with one little matrimonial


    ceremony.


    I don¡¯t need to take crap from anyone, as long as I¡¯m his wife. Something new for my brain to pull apart


    and think about when I get back to the hotel and try to face my crippling fears once again. The benefits


    of being owned.


    I had to see it for myself, and as I walk around amused with theplete change in how I¡¯m being


    treated by mere men, I lose a little more of that internal tight, ustrophobic insanity that was spiralling


    around me in the car. Realising that I have a power I never expected.


    I¡¯m doing my best as Cami. Sexy, purring kitty with long ws and my manner is once again


    bing natural as we walk around surveying our new abode. Rxing into the role that is second


    nature and forgetting that earlier I was a sobbing mess in hisp and he was my gentle consoler. She


    can exist when she is alone with him, I see that now. Out here we have roles to y.


    He¡¯s now all Mafia mode, tall, straight, cool. Silent mostly, but those eyes see everything. The best part


    is, he doesn¡¯t have to pretend about us anymore, no matter who is here. I¡¯m not a worthless mistress


    he has to hide like a shameful, dirty secret for fear of being used against him. I¡¯m something worthy, for


    the first time in my life. If they touch me now, he will start world war three.


    I¡¯m walking around linked to him, basking in his attention even though it¡¯s subtle. Alexi ys this as he


    always does. Deadpan with that face that doesn¡¯t tell you a damn thing about what¡¯s going on behind


    those eyes, although my gift in reading him is filtering back, now I¡¯m calm. He asks very specific


    questions at random times and more than once gets our red-faced tour guide squirming with replies.


    Quick, smart and observant.


    I can tell the so-called security men are also intimidated by him as they go above and beyond to run


    after his arse the entire walk around. They watch him like an eagle but keep their distance and


    practically recoil when he turns his gaze on any of them. It¡¯s sad to watch, albeit amusing.


    I kind of like that he has this insane gift of instilling fear in men without even trying. It¡¯s definitely


    rekindling the horn factor in my underwear, even if my head is still a huge messy pile of poop. I feel like


    I¡¯m walking around in a floaty dream and nothing is real anymore. An alternate universe and nothing is


    touching me emotionally.


    Weirdly disconnected now. Maybe it¡¯s emotional exhaustionbined with major booze recovery.


    The penthouse floors are not overly inspiring when we get there. Not if it¡¯s to be our future love nest,


    and I can see where we will rip down walls and have the floor n rearranged. The whole ce reeks


    of an owner on hisst legs of life, and it hasn¡¯t been updated in about twenty years or more.


    Old dark wood, lots of seventies panelling and musty greens and golds in the d¨¦cor. It has an air of a


    gentleman¡¯s smoking club and not ¡®us¡¯ at all. I actually miss Alexi¡¯s apartment and long to go back and


    curl up on the bed with him and Lync. That damn mutt. Craving to go home to something familiar and


    safe.


    The longer we are in Vegas the more I miss New York, but I don¡¯t think it¡¯s the city. I think it¡¯s all that


    has happenedtely; I need a little quiet, normal, and time hiding away in his house to get my bearings.


    We wander, we inspect, we both look bored before he drags me with him to the door and makes it clear


    we are done, and he wants to go. He has seen enough.


    Alexi leaves them with a smile, a nod, and tells them hiswyers will contact Mr Addleson¡¯s


    representative to proceed with an offer befitting what he has seen. He doesn¡¯t hint either way what that


    will be or give any insight as to whether he was impressed by the ce. Usual for him. Locked away


    behind those eyes that devour souls left in his wake. He could either loathe it or love it and they have


    no clue at all.


    In the car, he pretty much says, ¡®It will be ours¡¯. And that little mischievous look tells me he probably


    already decided that long before he saw it. That clever mind knows down to the dime what he will pay,


    and I don¡¯t doubt he will get it for what he wants to spend. He is very persuasive that way.


    I mean, he convinced me in less than a week to trust, love and live with him; here we are, walking


    around hand in hand deciding on a future together when my first instinct was a refusal and to run. He


    has skills, this one. I always underestimate him.


    It won¡¯t be cheap, this little future ¡®Camlexi¡¯ home, and the revamp alone is sickening to think about. I


    don¡¯t like to pry into Alexi¡¯s financial business but even I know it will be a huge risk investing in the


    ce if he offers too much. It worries me that he¡¯s biting off more than he can chew.


    I hate to admit though, that deep down the whole thing is exciting, doubts aside. The thought of one


    day getting to walk around the updated Casino and live upstairs when Lexi no longer has to y


    kingpin of New York. Something away from the crime world and debauchery of the sex club. Something


    moderately respectable where I won¡¯t have to lie about what I do for a living.


    It got my heart racing and my pulse rattling as I eyed up rooms and fittings galore on the way back


    downstairs; I tried to envision what my touch could do to the ce. All other niggles and thoughts and


    fears locked down tight while looking beyond our current dilemma to a future where he still belongs with


    me.


    To have a ce like that as a retirement n sounds like my idea of heaven.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t say much to me on the drive back to the hotel; I¡¯m curled up against him with my head on


    his shoulder trying to nap. Still needing a connection to him. Afraid the overwhelming feelings and


    thoughts will strangle me half to death if I stop having bodily contact and allow my mind to wander. So, I


    stay close, remind myself of his touch, and focus on everything but how I felt when I woke up this


    morning. Pushing it aside with all my might.


    He¡¯s on his phone, anyway, talking through details with Mico while I try to block out how shitty I feel,


    physically. Nausea, headache, just generally yuck. Numb and bleurgh is the only way to sum it up.


    Eyes heavy and brain trying so hard to power down and zone out. I need to sleep.


    My hangover hit its worst point of the day after I ate that club sandwich. Food made me feel ill, and I


    had to act my arse off for the rest of the hour to seem like I was on top form. Now I can lie here and just


    die, suffering like crazy. I all but held vomit in my throat the whole time and drank about three bottles of


    water to keep it down.


    Back in the room, led by Alexi carrying the shoes I threw off in the car, he lets me go to pad to the


    bedroom, brushing his hand over my arse and giving me an adoring smile as we finally part ways. He


    throws my shoes down and immediately goes to the couch to retrieve hisptop bag. I watch him as I


    head to bed. Tired and eager to lie down. I know he¡¯ll be focused on the casino and his brain will be


    brimming with everything he asked about, for a while. I leave him to do what he must do. Email, call,


    speak to hiswyers, and do Alexi things.


    We need to talk, but for now, I need a bed, aspirin, and a dark room, more than I need to talk about


    where we go from here, in terms of marriage.


    I have to get some of that under control on my own and really evaluate today.


    I was scared that he had a possessive hold on me in the form of a legal document calling me his, but


    the entire morning he was exactly who I havee to love and depend on. No change, no lording over


    me. Instead, he tried to show me the positives this one simple thing can have on my existence beyond


    what it is between us. It offers me an opportunity to no longer be cast down and trampled on in his


    world while still surviving within its boundaries.


    It¡¯s a way to get that happy life and still be connected to the darkness he needs to thrive within. He is


    giving me the protection I never knew was possible. If I cane to terms with the reasons why I don¡¯t


    want it, then maybe I can live with it.


    I have a lot to think about in terms of what this actually means, beyond bing a prisoner in my own


    hellish mind.


    ¡°Wakey, Wakey, sleepyhead.¡± Alexi brushes his fingers across my face and rouses me from a glorious


    sleep with that sexy huskiness of his voice and hot familiar touch of his skin, star-shaped in this huge


    king-size bed, my body weightless and cosy. Brain reset and finally free of both headache and heavy


    fatigue that was making everything foggy.


    He is lying beside me, propped on one arm casually so he leans over my face, admiring me, and bends


    in to kiss me lightly as my eyes flutter open and adjust to the gloom of the room. Igniting those


    butterflies inside of me that brings on a happy, bubbly internal kind of merry. It¡¯s darker than when I fell


    asleep and I can tell it¡¯s probably evening already.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I reply drowsily, stretching out like a Cheshire cat, content and yawning the tiredness away.


    Revelling in his affections that are bing so necessary the longer I¡¯m with him. I like his little


    touches and kisses more than I ever thought I could, take something from them I never knew existed in


    life. They are like air to my lungs, sanity to my scatty brain and I never imagined he could be the way


    he has be in the past weeks towards me. It makes me fall for him so much harder than I thought


    was possible.


    ¡°It¡¯ste and we need to make ns.¡± He leans in again and delivers another lingering kiss on my lips,


    rubbing noses, moulding mouths, this time a little seductive light tongue action, his fingers lightly


    tracing my face and down my throat, igniting tingles as he does so. I giggle at his amorous approach to


    a half-asleep woman, sliding my hand up and around that strong neck to pull him closer when he


    breaks away. Loving the temporary lull in my self-inflicted mind mess and focusing on being seduced


    by a sexy man. It piques my libido and I¡¯m not against waking up to some bed action if he is game.


    ¡°Why? I thought the n was I sleep, and you do whatever you do. Be kingpin while I bezy mistress.¡±


    I yawn again, impulsively reaching up with my other hand to stroke fingers across the five o¡¯clock


    shadow appearing at his jawline. I run my nails gently around that square sculpted shape, admiring the


    face that makes me horny before he catches them in his and pulls my attention back to his eyes by


    kissing my fingertips.


    ¡°We have done all we need to do here, and I have to go see my father. I figured if we caught ate


    flight tonight and headed straight to The Hamptons from JFK, we could kill two birds with one stone.


    Vegas is not exactly doing me any favours where you are concerned and maybe my house, near my


    family will be a good ce to spend a night before heading back to Manhattan. Time out somewhere


    rxing.¡± Alexi fixes me with a gaze that seems a little unsure. A storm brewing in the mist of his eye


    colour and I can tell stress isying just under the surface. He¡¯s holding it in and waiting for a sign as to


    how I¡¯m feeling.


    I blink at him stupendously, my brain on slow mo. So many questions from such a loaded statement as


    I try to wake up properly.


    ¡°Leave tonight? Instead of tomorrow night?¡± I clear my throat and rub my eyes, confused by the


    change.


    ¡°Yeah. I need to tell my father face to face about us before it gets back to him via my big mouthed


    brother. I owe it to him to tell him first and there are a few things I need to discuss with him in general.¡±


    Alexi looks instantly ashen, furrowed brow, squared off jaw, and that tiny little flicker showing he¡¯s


    clenching it. His words have my confidence wavering just a tad and I realise it¡¯s because ¡®things¡¯


    concerning ¡®us¡¯ means our shotgun wedding which I burst into tears over. Alexi has no idea how to


    navigate what I feel as we still haven¡¯t talk about it properly, and I¡¯m afraid to open that can of worms in


    my brain already. I just want to rx in the absence of hysteria for a little while longer. Pretend it¡¯s not


    real, bury my head and act like nothing is different. For now, anyway.


    ¡°Right.¡± I sound less enthused about it than I mean to, and he instantly looks away across the room for


    a moment. Dropping my fingers and pulling far enough away that my hand around his neck slides free


    from its own weight. That heavy inhale and the way he sags slightly, tells me that this bothers him as


    much as it does me. He recoils to hide his reaction, but I can read it anyway. I wounded him, and I


    inwardly curse myself out for it. Guilt eating into my stomach in an awful wrenching manner.


    ¡°Give me a month. Just one, and if after those four weeks you still feel this way, we will get divorced


    and go back to just as it was. Quiet, quick and easy. All that matters to me is that I get to be with you,


    even if that takes marriage off the table forever.¡± He still doesn¡¯t look back at me, a tinge of hostility


    building in the air around him as he gets to his feet and makes it clear we aren¡¯t going to cosy up in


    bed. I can feel iting down on me in heavily.


    Alexi has his own orbit sometimes and right now it¡¯s stormy weather with meteor showers brewing in


    the dark gathering clouds. Maybe he thought after I slept it would be a different story, and I just pped


    him back down and stabbed him in the heart simultaneously. Waking me up cheerfully was premature


    and I think he just cottoned onto that. Nothing has really changed.


    I can¡¯t help how I feel though. Even if I now have a huge aching weight pressing on my chest, and my


    throat has constricted like I¡¯m having some sort of nut-rted allergic reaction. Mood nosediving into


    the depths of hell.


    His solution is a surprise, as it¡¯s not what I was expecting at all. Mr Control Freak and uber bossy ¡®my


    way or hit the highway¡¯ would neverpromise to this level. I know it¡¯s not what he wants, I can tell by


    the tone and his manner, but he is willing to do this to keep me happy.


    I¡¯m blown away that he¡¯s offered me a way out and it¡¯s not lost on me the magnitude of what this


    means. Alexi will do anything to make me happy, even if it hurts him in the process. It¡¯s huge and the


    lump in my throat growsrger, almost choking me as warring emotions hit me in the stomach like a


    subtle punch. Another reason to feel like an even shittier person. I wish I could just be happy and want


    this as much as he seems to. But I can¡¯t stop all that spiralling terror in the back of mind.


    ¡°Why a month?¡± It¡¯s the only dumb thing thates out of my mouth, even though it doesn¡¯t really


    matter. Deflection from how vulnerable I suddenly feel. Trying to pull him away from brewing thunder


    and hailstones while skirting the real issue at hand. Ungrateful callous bitch who punishes a man that


    only tries to protect her, putting my happiness over his needs. It¡¯s humbling and creates massive


    pressure in my hollow chest that threatens to make me cry again.


    ¡°Because I can use the fact you are my wife to once and for all deal with our issues in the city. One


    month is enough time to let it all settle down and let people know that you are. Protected as family, and


    it should cull a lot of threats in one go. Carreros are untouchable if they don¡¯t want the wrath of my


    family raining down on them. If we divorce, no one will be told, and you will still have the same


    protection. We use it to solve a problem and take the emotion out of it.¡± His clipped low tone, the


    absence of his touch and the avoidance of his eye on me says it all. He moves away from the bed,


    looking around for something and I get antsy, anxiety growing like arge ball in my inner body. I can


    feel him pulling away and closing down into familiar emotionless Alexi Mafia Boss Carrero.


    I stare at him silently, feeling the pain in his factual, emotionless words and know that, in a way, I¡¯m


    rejecting him. The reason for my fear isn¡¯t enough to shield his heart from what I¡¯m doing to him.


    Stirring up my internal tension and nausea just talking about this again only cements the fact I may


    never stop feeling this way. I couldn¡¯t exin it if I wanted to. I don¡¯t fully understand it, even after all


    the logical pep talks I gave myself at the Casino. I can¡¯t seem to separate it from the past and


    somehow being trapped.


    ¡°One month. I¡¯ll try. If on this date next month, I still feel like this, then I want us to divorce and never


    talk about it again. It can carry on as before and we just never mention marriage ever again, for as long


    as I live.¡± It¡¯s harder to spit those words out than I thought it would be, and I almost choke on the effort.


    Like swallowing thick peanut butter, but I need the reassurance of a get out n. A month is like a


    temporary trial, and as long as I know ites to an end, then I can get through it. Freedom is shining


    again, like a light at the end of the tunnel. It¡¯s apromise of sorts.


    I feel like an utter bitch even saying that to him though, and the way he clenches his jaw, squaring it off


    and avoiding my eyes, tells me he is taking it worse than he is letting me see.


    ¡°Deal.¡± He turns back to the bed, holds out his hand in a mock shake and I take it gently. Hating the


    way he¡¯s making this formal and business-like suddenly. His eyes cast on my hand rather than my face,


    and I ache for the sparkle, which has instantly dulled in them, toe back. This version of him seems


    like a wounded boy holding it all in and showing his tough ¡®nothing can hurt me¡¯ persona. He¡¯s never


    looked so young as he does now, and Ie so close to tears it physically hurts my heart. I almost


    take it all back, but the words catch in my throat and choke me from saying what I mean.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean I don¡¯t love you. It¡¯s just ¡­¡± I have no words to exin. Just a longing so severe to


    take that look off his face and make him thaw back to the tenderness of minutes ago.


    ¡°I get it. I do. I don¡¯t have to like it though.¡± He lets go and pulls away from the bed, hand releasing my


    grip quickly as though I have burned him. Rotating his shoulder to ease a knot out, avoiding eye


    contact by turning away slightly. A cold tone and distance in his expression I should have expected, but


    it still makes me break. Even though I know he wouldn¡¯t turn on me as he did in the past, that inner fear


    of his sadistic side hasn¡¯t quite died yet. I know what he is capable of when shielding himself from pain,


    and I just gave him every reason to feel a lot of it.


    I suffered at his hands before because he knew I had the power to wound him in ces no one could


    get to. I understand why he did the things he did to me. Alexi has walls higher and thicker than mine


    and scars that run as deep. Armour-ted, heavily armed and rigged with booby traps for anyone who


    gets in. He gave me the golden key to bypass it all, and yet here I am, using it to stab him in the heart.


    I¡¯m a wretched, horrible human.


    He just wants love. Like I do. That ce in a person to call home and feel epted in all our jaded


    glory. ws and all.


    ¡°Get packed. I got us a flight at after dinner, so we should eat first and then head to the airport. Gino


    and Alessandra areing with us.¡± He sounds clipped and devoid of any real obvious emotion which


    only makes my stomach sink further. I know him too well. The less he shows the more he is feeling. I


    have hurt him and he¡¯s taking it like the devil he can be.


    Locking it down and presenting an ¡®I don¡¯t give a shit¡¯ deadpan face to the world. Issuing orders and


    expecting obedience. I sigh lightly, deting further. Knowing this will change how he is with me while


    he processes it a little.


    I nod mutely, knowing any further refusals would not be wise right now. I need to learn to read him and


    act ordingly if I¡¯m ever going to survive the storm that is Alexi Carrero. Give him space when he¡¯s


    brewing, leave him be when I have acted like an idiotic selfish shithead and broken his heart. Even if I


    didn¡¯t mean to.


    He walks off, leaving me sitting in bed watching the empty space he departed from and pondering


    everything sadly. Left hollow, achy, heavy and tearful.


    I never thought when I woke up this morning that I¡¯d end the day as a wife. That while struggling to


    process it, I¡¯d be hurting Alexi in ways I couldn¡¯t fathom. I really wish I could be like any normal woman


    and feel happiness and joy at the fact we did this, but I can¡¯t. Where there should be joy there¡¯s fear of


    the unknown and a chokehold so tight it threatens to end me.


    I¡¯ve had a lifetime of being used, owned, bruised and controlled by men. Marriage to me is a prison


    much like being bound to a cross. I be his property, lose my identity and have to answer to a


    husband for any decision I want to make.


    I fought my whole life to choose my own path in life and be free of the bonds of servitude and abuse.


    It¡¯s suffocating, and there¡¯s that constant fear in the back of my mind that he¡¯ll be exactly like his


    cousins were at dinner, now he can lord over me as ¡®husband¡¯. There are men who see that as a title to


    be domineering, controlling arseholes and I already know he has those tendencies in huge


    proportions naturally. I¡¯m weak when ites to having faith and trust in him, and even when my eyes


    and heart try to show me something hopeful, I get too afraid to believe in it. Life has never given me


    anything but pain. The times I felt hope, wed myself out of shit, it dragged me back down, stamped


    all over me andughed in my face. Experience has taught me that you should always be suspicious


    and follow your gut. Anything else gets you crushed.


    My gut says this will change everything for me, for the worse.


    I shudder at the thought and push it down as far as I can.


    Even though logic is telling me I may be wrong, and today only proved Alexi is still the same towards


    me as he has been since he told me he loved me, maybe even softer as each day ticks by. I just can¡¯t


    trust him yet. I haven¡¯t seen enough of who he will be with me to think about throwing away all that I


    am, and all that life has taught me about men.


    You don¡¯t just throw yourself into the lion¡¯s den without first sussing out they of thend and arming


    yourself.


    I can¡¯t live my life being an obedient, invisible nothing, living in the shadow of my man. I don¡¯t have it in


    me to step in line and be subservient. I see women in this world at dinners and events all the


    time; silent, feeble women living under the thumb of their criminal overlord master and cowering at


    every angry nce. Very few women in this world are treated with love or cherished, in any way. They


    know their ce, and the world of men in the Mafia and criminal dealings are some of the most


    backward, sexist and archaic men on the. Alexi may seem different in some ways right now, in


    the honeymoon phase which I know will end, but the Alexi I met almost a year and a half ago was very


    much one of the boys.


    Can he really have changed all that much just because he fell in love with me? When the novelty wears


    off and I¡¯m just another part of his day, will he still be so amodating, and dare I say it, sweet?


    What happens when everyday life settles in and he tires of his new toy? Do I get shelved like all the


    other women who married men like this? To live out their days pretending not to know about the


    hookers and the mistresses that are rife in their clubs and bars? To be church going, bake sale,


    pir of themunity, wifely women who do no wrong and never speak out of turn about their


    husbands and their jobs. Pretending to be happy while drinking myself to sleep every night alone when


    he stopsing home? Knowing the smell of cheap perfume, he wille wearing, when he crawls


    home drunk and disinterested in fucking me anymore.


    That is all I¡¯ve seen of men like Alexi for as long as I can remember. I was on the other side. I was the


    whore who serviced the husbands and listened to their whining and bitching about their ¡®ball and


    chains¡¯ their ¡®frigid little women¡¯, and how miserable married life is behind the white dress and fake


    congrattions.


    And that adds anotheryer to my apprehensions.


    I was the woman they carried out their secret fetishes and cruelties on because their women were not


    worthy.


    Is that what we will be?


    Alexi can¡¯t tie me up and strap me down to fulfil his needs, so what will be of his kinks and desires


    now he¡¯sssoed himself to me?


    And me, what will I do when he decides I have no ce in the club anymore because it¡¯s not befitting


    his wife to work there? Housewife? Pampereddy of leisure?


    How will I hold myself together when I suspect he¡¯s having sex with other women and pushing me


    aside like these men have done for decades? When I¡¯m expected to be silent, obedient, and know my


    ce. All while he¡¯s ripping me apart from inside out all over again.


    Marriage ruins everything.


    I would rather go find his gun and finish my half-assed attempt of months ago.


    I won¡¯t live that way.

 Chapter 180

    Chapter 180


    Somehow, we managed to pack, navigate to the airport and fly to JFK as a group with very little


    meaningful chatter. Mostly small talk and nursing hangovers from our heavy night previously; a sombre


    mood, and the strained atmosphere is so thick it¡¯s almost opaque around us. Gino seems very aware of


    my turmoil about being Mrs, and after a brief joke about a shotgun wedding, Alessandra elbowing him


    hard in the ribs, no one brought it up again.


    Alexi didn¡¯t react, just kept his eyes on his phone, which he used so he didn¡¯t have to talk to me after


    we left our room. He seemedpletely disengaged, from all of us, abnormally sombre and quiet and


    disinterested in anything. He even bailed on dinner with ourpanions and left the three of us to eat


    while he was in the room, working apparently.


    Consumed with a text conversation with God knows who, he left me to sort myself out, follow him at a


    distance and try not weep at the fact he was nking me. It was a quiet, less animated group of friends


    returning from an exhaustive two days with a lot to think about.


    I feel lost. Wretched, prickly, emotional and just all out of whack. Trying to keep my ¡®give no shits¡¯


    facade and pretend like he isn¡¯t literally messing with my head on multiple levels with this whole icing


    me out, cold shoulder bullshit.


    Alexi is closed off and simmering. He doesn¡¯t touch me once in transport from Vegas back to New York.


    Keeps a distance between us, only speaks to me briefly when directing or giving a yes/ no answer, and


    although not making it so obvious, I can tell he is trying to avoid me when he can. Always a few feet


    between us no matter where we are, and he rode up front with the driver on the way to the airport. He


    has never, in all the time I have escorted him, sat up front, for any reason at all.


    Clipped, polite andmanding. All affection and love have been pulled back into that little


    emotionless bubble around him for the time being and I left him to it. In his icy orbit with prickly terrain.


    Knowing when to poke the bear, and honestly, I don¡¯t have the emotional energy right now. I am all out


    of sharp sticks.


    I¡¯m bruised inside from how cold he seems, a little mad at him for doing it this way but understanding


    that this is Alexi hurt. Experience has taught me in the past that heshes out at me when I hurt him


    and this is, I guess, a less vtile reaction. He doesn¡¯t want to punish me for damaging his heart so


    he¡¯s keeping us apart and limiting interaction. I don¡¯t have to fucking like it and nausea swirling in the


    pit of my stomach is definitely linked to my emotional anxiety, rather than the residual hangover. He has


    me all kinds of tense and stiff.


    Another pointer that he really is trying to show me I can trust him in every way, by not flipping out at me


    and doing something heinous to wound me back. We will never go back to the way we used to punish


    each other before.


    It¡¯s depressing though, wing at me internally so I get fidgety and restless and nce at him


    obsessively. Craving his attention. Wanting him to just stop and love me again. Be my Lexi. Just look at


    me, even for a second.


    I end up sleeping most of the flight just to avoid bursting into tears at the huge loss I feel at his manner.


    Breaking inside with how easily Alexi can fuck me up and how dependent on him I have be. This


    one change in his demeanour towards me and my whole security and happiness is on a shaky ledge


    over a crumbling precipice into a hellish abyss. It¡¯s sad that I¡¯m that easy to dent, but it is what it is.


    I love him so much that it kills me to be denied his softer side, even for mere minutes. I need it to feel


    sane. Without it I rip myself to pieces with over thinking, insecurities andck of faith that he loves me.


    I¡¯m pathetic and weak and needy. Doubting all of this.


    Easy to screw mentally, when your name is Alexi. Not that I don¡¯t deserve it, but still. My chest aches


    with the effort to breathe and my heart feels like he has rammed about ten knives in there between my


    ribs.


    I allow him to usher me from airport to cab, sit well apart silently and then to the private airfield for the


    second leg of our journey out to The Hamptons. It¡¯s the early hours of the morning when we finallynd


    in the little private ne and stumble through the tiny office to an awaiting driver. Barely taking in the


    scenery at all while I obsess over that jerk. A standoff of sorts as we walk parallel, zero conversation or


    contact and he never once looks my way.


    Every tiny instance just notches another cut in my already pining and bleeding soul.


    Alessandra is leaning against Gino as we walk and looks ready to fall asleep as soon as we get in the


    limo. Spreading out to face one another in the interior and Alexi immediately pulls out his phone and


    slides away from me on the seat to sit against the window and look out. The gap between us is not


    huge, but it feels like a massive gulf to me. Sitting opposite a cuddling couple of lovebirds who are


    wrapped up, intertwined lovingly, only draws attention to how lonely he¡¯s making me feel. Aching and


    craving just one touch, one look to settle my agonising worry and remove the insecure pangs of panic


    growing inside my icy veins.


    Content is property of N?velDrama.Org.


    No hand holding, no touches, kisses, caresses. He barely acknowledges me at any point. I don¡¯t know


    how much more of this I can take. I feel emotionally distraught and so fragile like I may crumble at any


    moment.


    Outwardly though, good old Cami is doing her finest at acting like she doesn¡¯t give a shit. Tired,


    confident and just seems bored. That impable mask that shields everything and always has done.


    Two of us, rmingly alike in our aplishments. I always knew my ability to act my way through life


    would be my one saving grace in all things. I never thought I would have to revert to this with him


    though. I guess some habits die hard.


    Alessandra nudges me with her foot and smiles gently, catching my attention and I smile back. She can


    see it too and she¡¯s trying to soothe me with an ¡®it will be okay¡¯ look. It doesn¡¯t take away the huge


    cavity forming inside me, but I just put more effort into appearing absolutely fine, so she believes I am.


    I must have dozed off as we drove from the small airfield as next thing I know, a warm hand brushes


    my shoulder to rouse me, and I flick my eyes open. A slight moment of joy that he¡¯s finally over his sulk,


    but Alessandra is the one leaning over me gently. Crouching in the car to amodate her so she


    doesn¡¯t end up sitting on top of me.


    ¡°We¡¯re here, Bambina. Alexi and Gino have gone to open the house and switch on the lights. It¡¯s very


    early.¡± That sexy Italian sultry ent of hers, so thick and familiar but it just adds another wound to my


    heart; he left her to wake me and bring me in rather than do it himself. That instant dissolving of a tiny


    flicker of happiness, and I¡¯m left with a gaping hard dark hole inside of me. Straining to smile while my


    face aches to crumble.


    This is getting beyond a joke.


    There¡¯s sulking and there is being a cold fucking bastard who is trying to punish me by freezing me out.


    There is a fine line between the two and I¡¯m starting to think it¡¯s thetter. Proof that maybe I was right


    all along about him being a dickhead in marriage. He¡¯s punishing me and now it¡¯s tantly obvious.


    ¡°I¡¯ming, go ahead.¡± I clear my raspy throat, teetering on the brink of tears over something stupid


    and move in my chair to bring my dead limbs back to life as she moves away and climbs out of the limo


    ahead of me. I just need a few moments to wake up fully andpose myself before I burst into a


    flood of pathetic tears.


    He¡¯s making me feel much like he used to. Like I¡¯m a worthless nothing to him that gets discarded


    when he¡¯s had what he wanted. It stings deeply, crushes my throat so swallowing and breathing


    beboured, but I hold it in and push myself into numbness.


    Onest look around to make sure I have everything as I pull my shit together and realise my coat and


    bag are all still rumpled on the chair beside me, shoes on the floor by my feet. I have got so used to


    him picking those things up for me to carry that I just see it as another reason to feel pissed and


    broken. It¡¯s stupid and subtle but it¡¯s a clear fucktard message from Alexi. He¡¯s trying to get to me with


    these trivial things.


    Wanker


    Clever, devious fuck. Sulking and pissed because I won¡¯t do what he wants. Hurting me for hurting him


    in that manipting way of his. To anyone else, I look like a crazy bitch for reacting to something like


    this, but I know him.


    I should have known better than to think he was just hurt by rejection. It¡¯s starting to feel more like he¡¯s


    pissed at my disobedience.


    Or maybe I¡¯m just grouchy, tired, jetgged and in much need of unbroken sleep and some headspace,


    and I¡¯m over thinking thispletely. Either way, he can fuck off and leave me alone if he is going to be


    like this for the rest of the night. I¡¯ll go to bed and leave him sleeping somewhere else. I don¡¯t need him


    toying with me this way, and I swore if he ever did, I would run from him as fast as I could and as far as


    I could so he would never find me.


    I won¡¯t let him see he is getting to me.


    I¡¯m better than this.


    I mber out of the car, into the cold dawn air and grey light. I shudder and freeze when the house


    comes into view, stopping me in my tracks as my foot hits the pavement, the chauffeur patiently waiting


    with the open door, averting his eyes from me. It¡¯s like an assault I¡¯m not expecting, and I guess my


    fragile mood is the reason it hits me in this way. Already simmering and boom ¡­ a st from the past


    to fuck me up even more. My heart drops to my feet and I stand motionless for a few seconds as I take


    in the building before me with a sense of dread.


    I have so many memories of this ce fromst time I was here and the haunting flickers of seeing


    Gino and Alexi¡¯s cars on thewn the night I ran away from here hit me harshly, deep in my stomach. I


    haven¡¯t been back since that night and all that followed and the goosebumps that run across my entire


    body send a cold wave of mixed fear, sadness and pain through me.


    It¡¯s hardly a good feeling to stand here now with this huge house bearing down on me in that strange


    twilight between dusk and dawn when I¡¯m all alone. Staring up at illuminated windows, rustling trees


    and can feel the oppressive weight of the past, reminding me of how cruel he can be. Not when I¡¯m


    feeling this insecure and shaky with how things are between us.


    This is the house where I think he finally broke the first major piece of me off and turned it to ashes.


    Reducing me to hysterics in the bedroom up there, behind the window I¡¯m staring at, and I shiver


    involuntarily as I blink away that memory. A tear fills my eye and I brush it away, angry at my


    weakness, my own pathetk of resolve when faced with nothing more than a distant memory. Body


    stiffening from cold, both externally and internally.


    He holds so much power over me already, and we have only just begun.


    I take a breath, pull myself to a full stand and let it all out heavily. Refusing to be beaten this way. Mind


    over matter, push it away, don¡¯t let him get to you. Never again. It¡¯s just a house, a moment from the


    past that can¡¯t hurt me now.


    I walk purposefully up the path to the huge doors, trying hard to push all the little visions, noises,


    feelings, and horrible thoughts away. The doors are still ajar for me and I brace myself before stepping


    inside to the brightly illuminated grand hall. Taking onest breath for courage and steeling my nerves.


    Unsteady legs, turning to jelly, my hand trembles as I clutch my coat and bag to my side, dropping


    them on the chair by the door as I get inside. Just trying to be calm.


    Memories flood back instantly as my eyes scan the familiar hall. Alexi pacing in here angrily and his


    brother holding him back, devilish and about tomit murder for my attempted escape. The night I


    ran because he corned me upstairs and used my past to destroy me.


    My blood runs cold, brain fighting me to stay in the present and I wonder why I¡¯m having so much


    trouble shifting these thoughts.


    I spent months with him since being here and have never been gued as I am now. It¡¯s like the house


    has kept all these images lingering in the air to push back into my brain the second Iid eyes on it.


    Tormenting me, putting me back in my ce to quell thest ounces of resolve I had brimming before I


    walked in here.


    I jump when a warm hand touches my back and I spin like a shocked deer in the headlights at the huge


    form standing behind me to one side. Tall, male in shadow as the lights behind almost darkens him out


    completely. Like a st from the past and distant haze of hospital rooms and sinister first meetings. My


    heart skips a beat, lurching in fright and for a moment I swear I don¡¯t know where I am. I flinch, lift my


    hand defensively and cower impulsively, eyes wide and I gasp in panic.


    Head so lost in another time and ce with that flight-or-fight instinct switched on while my emotions


    are all over the ce.


    ¡°Hey. You okay? Don¡¯t be scared.¡±


    It¡¯s Alexi. I would know that sexy tone anywhere, and as my eyes adjust, I can see his tattoo peeking


    up under his jacket cor to confirm I¡¯m not imagining things. Bringing me back to the here and now


    even though my body is poised and caught in an instinctive ready to run mode. Heart hammering


    through my chest as I try to work him out, steeped in mistrust. Guarded and nervous.


    ¡°So, you¡¯re talking to me now?¡± It¡¯s a knee-jerk reply, covering my thundering heart rate and shaking


    limbs, ignoring his question and I pull away from him, so his hand no longer moulds to the base of my


    spine, aiming to walk away and give him a dose of his own medicine. Put distance between us so he


    can¡¯t see how rattled I am. How emotionally fragile this is making me.


    Two of us can be cold and uncaring. If he can¡¯t touch me, he can¡¯t feel how much of an effect this ce


    and his mood is having on me.


    I haven¡¯t felt this alone and afraid in weeks, maybe months. I never thought I would feel it because of


    him again.


    Alexi catches my wrist as I start to move away, to gain some breathing space, and pulls me back to him


    firmly but gently and gives me no choice but to follow. He slides his arms around me and pulls me up


    against his body, despite my initial rejections. I have no say. He is strong and swift, and I¡¯m


    manoeuvred into a hug with very little effort. I don¡¯t even fight him, tiredness sucking all my energy


    away, andbined with his touch, I just give in.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I needed some headspace and time to think. I didn¡¯t mean to upset you. You look like you¡¯re


    thinking of running straight back out the door. What¡¯s wrong, Cam?¡± He sounds broken too. Voice


    raspy, low, unsure. A hint of sadness in there that indicates he isn¡¯t lying.


    That ends me and all mybative instincts on the spot. Like being hit with a sudden shot of warm air


    after being out in the cold. Return of soft and loving and I¡¯m aplete wuss. Crumbling to him like


    some needy wanton pathetic woman, so desperate for the side of him that only I get to see. I wrap


    myself up in him and slide my arms around his waist, nestling my face against his chest, inhaling his


    smell, and close my eyes to breathe him in. Tears brim up instantly and I literally give up all my strength


    and sag into him, relieved for this contact and a return of the man I love. All the pain from thest


    couple of hours forgotten in one cuddle. I¡¯mpletely hopeless.


    ¡°You,¡± I mumble quietly, everything from my defensive ¡®show him you don¡¯t care¡¯ slipping away and I¡¯m


    once again at his mercy. Close to breaking down and sobbing against him. Relieved to just feel him, for


    that gentler side to be mine all over again.


    ¡°I¡¯m an asshole, we both know that. I was processing, and you didn¡¯t seem to want me anywhere near


    you.¡± He kisses me on top of my head, strokes my hair down my back and squeezes me snugly to him


    with both arms.


    I squint at that statement and look up at him questioningly, head racing over thest few hours but he


    looks back and raises his brows as if to confirm it. A look that says ¡®right?¡¯


    Thinking back, I guess I really was just as responsible for the icy space between using here. He


    was closed off, and I made no attempt to talk to him either. I didn¡¯t touch him, didn¡¯t walk with him, and


    anytime I felt his eyes stray to me I held my ground and didn¡¯t acknowledge him. We were both doing it


    and I spent the entire time acting like it didn¡¯t affect me. Maybe like me, he pondered that I didn¡¯t want


    him near me and was hurting as much as I was. With more reason. ncing my way, agonising over


    my coldness, and being affected and insecure as much as me.


    I rejected being married to him then I literally kept my distance all the way here. I can see why he didn¡¯t


    wake me in the car now. He felt pushed away, and that¡¯s why he seems so sad now. Both of us lost in


    our own heads to cool off and think while we should have been talking and touching, like this.


    Seeing it that way makes me feel shitty, and I push it out and away realising he wasn¡¯t punishing me at


    all. He was doing what he did when I was in hospital and removing himself because he thought it¡¯s


    what I wanted.


    I¡¯m an idiot sometimes.


    ¡°We just haven¡¯t been here since ¡­¡± The words catch in my throat painfully as I try to change the


    subject, shamed at being such a fool. Like I just rammed a cactus down my neck, unable to finish the


    sentence as it bites me.


    Alexi sighs heavily, his embrace noticeably firming up to get me as bodily close as possible. That sense


    of security nking me as he does. I can almost feel his relief at being able to touch me again and


    realise it must have been killing him to be so close yet so far apart while torturing himself over this


    whole mess. His distance was because he knew proximity would make him touch me impulsively.


    ¡°I have so many regrets when ites to you. This house I guess harbours a lot of them. I¡¯m sorry. You


    know that, right? I would never hurt you that way again, in any way. I swear, Cam. The things that


    happened between us, none of them are how I would ever treat you again, for anything. No matter how


    mad I am, or how hurt, I will never cross that line and risk losing you¡ªever. I need you to trust that,


    even if you don¡¯t trust me. I¡¯ve changed.¡± He buries his face in the top of my hair, his voice and breath


    warming my scalp, sending tingles and goosebumps all over, from my temple down to my feet. I screw


    my eyes closed harder, and just let myself fallpletely under his control. The ce I¡¯m always


    safest. He¡¯s a magician when he wants to be, and I¡¯m so far under his spell. Powers of persuasion run


    deep with this one, keeping me rooted to the spot. Smoothing it all away as easily as he can inflict it.


    ¡°It¡¯s so hard to forget and just let go,¡± I mumble, finally letting go of my tears as they begin to fall down


    my face softly. Not wracking, heaving sobs but a broken, warm outpouring of so many harboured scars.


    It¡¯s hard to stop hurting, overthinking and seeing things in a skewed way, when sometimes, like thest


    hours, they are not what I see. Once the waterworks start, I can¡¯t seem to stop them. I guess it¡¯s partial


    relief that all that worry and pain thinking he was going cold on me, was me being a fool and not taking


    it at face value. Something I do a lot with him because of my own stupid head and its insecurities. So


    much inside me, a lifetime¡¯s worth of pain and I never ever just let it go. Today just helped it alle to


    the surface, I guess.


    All that fear and seeing him and Rick as one, blurring lines because I feel trapped and can¡¯t get my


    head around it. I¡¯m turning something that others see as pure and good into something terrifying and


    twisted. Lost in my own head and not seeing what it might be to him instead.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you to forget ¡­ you never will. I just want you to forgive me, more than anything. To stop


    punishing me for things I will never do again and seeing the worst in me. I¡¯ll do whatever it takes to fix it


    all. To trust that I won¡¯t do anything that causes you pain in any way, ever. I need you. I don¡¯t think I


    could go on living if I lost you a second time, it was hell on earth and I never want to feel that way again


    for as long as I live. You¡¯re my universe, London. I would move mountains for you. You have to believe


    that I will do anything you need to earn your trust, your faith in me.¡± He sounds as desperate as I feel.


    His husky low tone, quiet and soothing. Words only for me, so hushed in therge space around us.


    Heartfelt. Just the two of us alone in the world in this ce as though no one else exists anymore.


    Moulded as one and it fits so perfectly.


    Time stands still.


    I stop and just take note. Knowing what he says is true and I do keep running away and punishing him


    because I¡¯m afraid. I jump into hatred and usation before logic shakes my arse and wakes me up


    again. It¡¯s my form of protection, even if it¡¯s dumb. The past is exactly that, over and done with, and


    Alexi has done so much to try and show me that he won¡¯t ever cause me that feeling of terror and


    heartbreak ever again. I need to stop dragging him over hot coals and using it as an excuse to run from


    him.


    Everything he has ever done, even before, always had hints of wanting to keep me safe. Even when he


    was crushing my soul he still jumped to my defence whenever he thought I was vulnerable, and it


    wasn¡¯t a game. The opera, the attempt at the club, my being sick in the rain, moving me to The


    Hamptons and then exploding when he thought I had run away. Knowing him the way I do now, I can


    see the care behind his reactions. The truths through the bullshit. Yelling at me in sheer frustration in


    the times he thought I was in danger and he was powerless; like after I was robbed, and I went walking


    in the streets while they found my apartment empty. He yelled because he was afraid and then relieved


    to see me in one piece. He doesn¡¯t know how to express in a healthy way, so his fear, worry and


    anxietyes out as anger and aggression.


    He pushes people away, pulls up the aggressive mask and uses his wall of hostility to sway you away


    from the truth. It¡¯s what he did to me over and over, punishing me for making him love me while he


    thought I didn¡¯t care. We both did it. In different ways, wearing different masks, so alike. It¡¯s what I keep


    doing to him now, even if I don¡¯t mean to. Fucking up his head, hating him when he keeps trying to


    prove his worth. I have been emotionally bruising him for weeks.


    Alexi cared, even while he hated how much I was hurting him.


    He tried so hard to make me see it when I came back. The club, my job, giving me a gun, keeping his


    distance, my birthday, Miami ¡­ and Feral. He was screaming it at me in his own painful silence all


    along, and I was too blind to see he was holding out a hand and hoping I would just take hold. He has


    still been clinging on no matter how hard I fight because he can¡¯t let me go. He looked for me; he went


    to London and destroyed someone who hurt me and wiped my past from physical history the only way


    he knew how. That¡¯s how Alexi loves.


    I have always read him wrong. I have med him, pushed him, hurt him. used and misunderstood.


    Much like I¡¯m probably doing now with this marriage problem.


    ¡°Don¡¯t close me out and leave me feeling alone. I hate being alone. I was always alone, until you. Don¡¯t


    do that to me. Even when I deserve it ¡­ I can¡¯t handle it.¡± I whisper so softly it¡¯s almost inaudible.


    Knowing I deserve it because I keep trying to make him do it.


    I¡¯ve been pushing him, knowing somewhere deep down he would keep chasing me. It was a power that


    I was aware of even though I questioned it, but somehow it was a way of feeling worthy. Pushing him


    and making him beg, plead, chase. It¡¯s not healthy and it¡¯s not going to give me his heart forever.


    These past few hours of him not chasing me, it¡¯s opened my eyes and pped me in the face. Showed


    me the devastation if he just stoppeding for me and caring, and I can¡¯t live with that.


    This marriage thing, it¡¯s not a tool or a game for him. It¡¯s not a validation of ownership. If I use it to


    wound him, he won¡¯t keeping and I¡¯ll end up losing him with no one to me but myself. I need to


    stop using his heart against him, just because I know I can. It¡¯s drawing a line in the sand.


    The dam bursts and the sobs follow. Probably relief that he¡¯s right here with me once more and it¡¯s not


    toote. I can choose to leave loneliness behind me and take a leap of faith, even if it scares the shit


    out of me. Stop pushing him and hold on tight.


    Those three sentences that seem so insignificant to anyone else, they are at the centre of everything


    that¡¯s wrong with my life, my past and my memories. All that has ever been wrong.


    I had no one. No one loved me, no one cared. I was a forgotten little girl whose own mother despised


    her, and her father never wanted to see her again. I spent my life fighting to look after myself and not


    let anyone close for fear of being hurt over and over. I have lived through deprivation and horrendous


    ordeals, just to shake myself down, and struggled to survive just one more day. I trusted no one and


    knew no other way to be. My life had no meaning.


    When you live a life knowing you are eternally alone and no one would notice or care if you ceased to


    exist, it¡¯s hard to be any other way. No one cares if you starve, or you bleed, or you¡¯re so cold you


    sleep in an alleyway night after night among the rubbish just to try and retain some heat and shelter


    from men wishing you harm. To beg for scraps and hide in shadows because safety doesn¡¯t exist


    anywhere in your life. There¡¯s no home, no person to turn to when you cry in despair night after night.


    No one to help ease your pain or your burden. No one tofort you when you¡¯re sick. No one to help


    you find money to eat or clothe yourself. No one gives a shit if you live or die. That was my existence


    from the second I was born.


    I was invisible all my life. An object for abuse and nothing more. No worth to anyone unless they had


    the means to use me; I was their possession and nothing else. Even for my mother to sell off. I had


    nothing really. Always destined to end up back where I started, no matter how hard I ran away from it.


    Pulled down into the gutter time and again, no matter what. It¡¯s where I belonged.


    I never knew care, safety, or love ¡­ until Alexi. If he takes it away now, I¡¯ll die. It¡¯s the worst form of


    cruelty he could ever inflict on me. Having felt its warmth and power, it would be so much worse to end


    up back in the gutter now. I wouldn¡¯t survive it anymore. He broke the coldness in me, and now I don¡¯t


    have what it takes to go back to hiding in the shadows.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I really am. I won¡¯t, I swear. That¡¯s not what I was doing, I just thought you needed me to


    leave you be for a little while, even though I hated it. You¡¯ll never be alone because I¡¯m not letting you


    go for anything in the world. You¡¯re my forever. I waited a lifetime to find you and I¡¯m not about to let


    anything take that from me. Not even the dissolving of our marriage. I would follow you around the


    world for the rest of my life, you have to know that. You¡¯re my perfection, the other half of my soul; I


    would die without you.¡± The raspy raw tone that matches mine, sodden with emotion and a slight strain,


    hints he is welling up too. An intense truth behind his words. Probably the most honest, human moment


    in his life and it is for me. Mirroring how I feel about him in every way.


    Words I have longed for my whole life.


    Alexi breaks me. Only this time it¡¯s not from cruelty or coldness. He breaks me in a new way entirely.


    Really drumming it home that the stupid shit I do needs to stop. I¡¯ll lose him. He deserves a real chance


    with someone who can forget the past and take him at his word. His actions scream so loudly, and I


    need to stop jumping to conclusions and tarring him with a brush he no longer deserves. Alexi loves me


    more than anything in the world and I think I finally, truly understand that now. I can feel it in everything


    he does ¡­ even what happened in Vegas.


    He married me on the hope that maybe I would be okay with it once I had time to digest it because he


    knew I wouldn¡¯t marry him of my own volition or sober. He saw it as a way where I could truly be his,


    not in the way I¡¯m seeing it. He wanted to make me the centre of his universe. Protect me in ways he


    felt he couldn¡¯t and show the world he had someone he valued above everything else and he didn¡¯t


    want to hide it anymore. He put me in the forefront.


    I let it all out with gusto. Clinging onto him as though my life depends on it. Wracking sobs, ungraceful


    heartfelt tears from the soles of my feet into Alexi¡¯s chest, and he just holds me close, strokes my hair


    and lets me cry. There¡¯s nothing else to say right now. It¡¯s all just pain and blubbering and a huge


    vessel being emptied with no holding it back until the damn thing is empty. I feel like I have been


    holding this in my entire life, and somehow this is the key to opening the void and draining it once and


    for all. He seems to sense it and lets me get it all out.


    epting it, facing it and choosing to let it go.

 Chapter 181

    Chapter 181


    It¡¯s bigger than me and I struggle to breathe through the tears I never knew I could cry. He broke me


    somehow, throughout the day; maybe this whole week has been building to this moment. These past


    weeks, months, most likely. My heart peeling off itsyers of armour slowly and opening deep, dark


    secret rooms one by one to air them out and set things free.


    Something had to give. All the pressure I have been bottling up, everything building. The mistrust, the


    fear, the heartache. It¡¯s all unnecessary.


    I belong to someone who will take me as I am, scars and all, and never judge me for it. Worthless and


    messed up to everyone else, but he doesn¡¯t care about any of that. It doesn¡¯t lessen the worth he


    thinks I have. And he sees a queen. He always did.


    Finally, I truly believe him. Even when I thought I did ¡­ I didn¡¯t.


    Doubt¡ªit dies a death and I make a conscious decision to stop questioning and twisting what I see


    when ites from him. I trust him; he proves it over and over. For the first time in my life, I have


    complete, one hundred percent faith and belief in another person. I must hold on tight and never let him


    go.


    He will always protect me and put me first. I just had to stop denying it and running from it. Find my


    voice and take down thatst wall from between us, physically hack it down at the root. He had already


    done it for me, in every way. Marriage was thest tiny brick for him. You can¡¯t get any more of a


    deration of undying love and adoration than jumping to wed a girl who makes you walk through fire


    for even a smile. No hesitation either ¡­ no regrets.


    He knew what he wanted, and he took it whatever way he could. He is willing to dissolve it to keep me


    happy, even after all of that and it says more than he ever could with words. Alexi has always been a


    man of action over words.


    It¡¯s like I¡¯ve waited so long to unburden all of this properly. I guess I needed to really believe in this and


    standing here in the house where he once tore me down to nothing, I¡¯m somehow finding a way to let it


    all go. Forgiveness is cleansing, and I forgive him for everything he has ever done. I¡¯m freeing us both.


    Fuelled by today, this morning, all this ¡­ I don¡¯t know. Either way, my head and my heart are so done


    carrying it all with me and letting it stand in the way of what I could have. Blocking me from trusting him,


    having faith in him.


    Every scar, every bruise, cut, wound, defilement of my body. Every punch, p, kick and hand around


    my throat. Every man who took me against my will and every invisible mark it left on me. Every piece of


    my shattered heart at the hands of my parents. Every medical procedure needed to put me back


    together after another violent sexual or physical assault. All retreating into a deep, numb cavern that is


    no longer connected to me.


    It¡¯s as though those scars are now tears and I¡¯m throwing them away one by one, giving them to him


    because he seems to know how to pull them out and throw them far away. Just holding me, keeping


    me close and letting me set my heart free.


    There¡¯re so many of them, it¡¯s a tidal wave threatening to be a monsoon; maybe when I¡¯m done,


    there won¡¯t be very much of me left, but there¡¯ll be the parts that are worthwhile to Alexi. The little parts


    of me he wants to keep and help nurture into something more.


    He saw me. In the dark, despite being an invisible shadow. He somehow saw me through all theyers


    and masks and lies and found that little girl who never really had a chance. Someone to care about. He


    saw her, held out his hand, and told her it was okay to go with him. A broken little boy who felt as


    invisible as me, needing to be cared about in the right way. Somehow, we found each other and saw


    through everything we had put in the way to throw people off our scent. Two wounded little kids aching


    for home and love. So alike in so many ways.


    The man I never believed could feel anything more than disdain for me, standing here to be my rock,


    holding me up as I expel years of damage and heartbreak into a huge wet patch on his shirt. Healing


    me just by holding me and waiting patiently until I¡¯m done.


    I finally found home.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    I finally found worth.


    Someone who wants me, for eternity.


    Marriage can mean whatever I want it to mean. The proof is in the way he has given me control of


    everything between us since they came for me¡ªhe isn¡¯t Rick and never will be. They are thousands of


    miles apart as people, and he made sure that monster will never grace my life again.


    He is Alexi, my Lexi ¡­ and I never want to lose him.


    Marriage isn¡¯t his hold on me ¡­ it¡¯s my hold on him. My certificate of ownership. Alexi surrendered his


    soul to me, not the other way around. I see that now. I was always the one with the power.


    That thought changes absolutely everything.


    It was my idea, my choice, my pushing. He followed me. He agreed. He epted my cor around his


    throat without a second thought or a single fear about it. No matter what I¡¯ve done to him. My dominant


    gave up himself and handed it all over.


    He once told me that the real pleasure came in volunteered submission and I think I get it now.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want a divorce.¡± It tumbles out from that manic mess of me as I pull my head back and try to


    focus on him through my watery, blurry vision. Things bing clearer by the second, with an


    avnche effect, gathering speed and seeing him as someone else entirely. No longer a master or


    someone to push me into the shadows. It was always me that had that ability.


    He came after me ¡­ every time. He saved me. He followed me. He searched for me. He gave me


    everything. He protected me. It always was and always will be me that leads, and he does what he


    needs to do to keep me safe and happy. I see that now. The person he gives me, the person he shows


    me, it¡¯s for me and me alone. He could walk out of this room right now and that badass Mafia boss


    could take care of business with a cold heart andck of empathy, kill someone and walk right back in


    here and it wouldn¡¯t matter. He would revert to this loving, gentle, loyal man who touches me with


    careful strokes and gentle kisses. I¡¯m the exception to all rules for him.


    ¡°Just don¡¯t change.¡± I follow with that tiny ounce of lingering insecurity, the fear is still there, albeit


    dripping down my face to escape, but thest hours of disconnection made me realise that fear is


    nothingpared to losing what we have. I can ovee fear. The silence and destion of him


    severing me are so much worse than being his possession. However, I think realising we own each


    other takes the heavy weight that¡¯s been suffocating me all day and pushes it off a cliff.


    I can take it a day at a time. I can see how it goes. I can always ask himter to dissolve it if that¡¯s what


    I need. Somehow, deep down I know it¡¯s not. I just need him.


    I realise that now. He does what I ask, what I need. I have to trust in that, in him. I don¡¯t want to go back


    to being a nameless face in the shadows of his world, hiding my love for him. Today almost killed me


    and that¡¯s what it would go back to.


    I need what we had at the casino. I need the title of wife, I need him.


    I need to stand up and be proud to be his queen. We were made to stand side by side.


    It¡¯s barely coherent but he seems to understand loud and clear. Smoothing fingers through my hair,


    across my face to move it back and cradles me tenderly. Pulling me up to look at me, nose to nose,


    sharing air.


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t really nning on one. I figured a month was plenty of time to change your mind and let it


    settle down.¡± It¡¯s a mischievous, cocky smile, no shame in his obvious arrogance at all, and for some


    reason it makes meugh, rather than mad. Tears breaking into giggles and I find myself bothughing


    and crying at the same time. A release that¡¯s so needed.


    ¡°Why do you love me? I¡¯m not a good person; I have done so many awful things. I¡¯m used goods,


    broken and messed up. Why me? Of all the people in the world, why did you fall for someone like me?¡±


    I sound pathetic and pleading. But I need to know what made me so special in a world where he could


    have had his pick of women. Why did he choose the street rat, ex-hooker and devious maniptor as


    his lifelong mate? I don¡¯t doubt the feelings; I just need to understand why, so I can put all this to bed


    once and for all. He could have chosen anyone.


    Alexi smooths back more of my hair, careful fingers on his fragile prize, and kisses me on the forehead


    softly before wiping away some of my tears. Sill standing in this brightly lit deserted hall with no sign of


    his brother or Alessandra anymore.


    ¡°You¡¯re my fallen angel. I mean, your halo is a little crooked and your wings are a little burnt, but what


    other kind of angel would overlook my conduct? I think it makes you even more addictive. I like a lot of


    naughty with my nice. And your particr brand of sexy and devil red makes for abination that


    was made for me. I was never going to settle for a nice girl, London. I need a challenge, someone to


    put me in my ce. Someone who understands the shit I do and why I do it without having to hide who


    I am. I was waiting for you.¡±


    Alexi pulls me in, so our noses and foreheads touch lightly, and even though tears are still sliding down


    my warm cheeks, I smile widely, my heart filling with so much love for him. Pain subsiding, heart fit to


    bursting, and somehow, I know deep down, this is it for us. I¡¯m where I belong, and he won¡¯t fuck this


    up. I won¡¯t either. Not anymore.


    It¡¯s too valuable.


    ¡°I have to admit ¡­ the devil is much more alluring than a bog-standard mortal man. I guess I might


    need therapy because all the things which attracted me to you in the first ce are probably all the


    things I should have run away from. I love you for exactly who you are, even when you are terrifying.¡± I


    sniff some emotion back down and bask in the way he¡¯s looking at me. Piercing me with almost silver-


    grey eyes, adoring me beautifully.


    ¡°In light of recent developments, there is something I need to do.¡± Alexi lets me go so suddenly I almost


    fall t on my face with the surprise of it, such was the amount of my weight he was holding up, and I


    grab his shoulder to steady myself. A little taken aback by his sudden release. He steps back, eyes


    fixed on me and before I can really figure out what he is doing, he swoops to get down on one knee in


    a really dramatic fashion for him. Serious expression suddenly and very confident in the swoop down to


    the cold floor.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t look away once, just scoops my hand from his shoulder that went down with him and


    holds it tight in his. Encasing my fingers warmly and securely. I¡¯m blinking at him, confused with what


    he¡¯s doing and just stare. Silent tears, sodden face and acting like a pleb with no clue as to why he is


    now on the floor.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± I ask stupidly, convinced he¡¯s maybe dizzy or something. I really don¡¯t connect the dots


    at all. A little dense in the aftermath of an emotional breakthrough.


    ¡°Cami Walters ¡­ I know we did this backwards, but it doesn¡¯t mean I can¡¯t fix it with a do-over. You


    wanted the memory, London. Your wish is mymand. Will you marry me ¡­ again? Date and venue


    of your choosing because I love you enough to marry you twice.¡± Eyes locked on mine, smiling sweetly,


    holding his stance perfectly, I gawp, cover my mouth with my hand as the shock hits me hard in my


    stomach, chest and throat simultaneously. Literally aching in all the best ways and I almost sob in


    reaction.


    He is one thousand percent serious, and I wipe my face with the back of my hand a dozen times to try


    and control the waterfall I still have going on; I sniff through a bunch of short raspy breaths as I self-


    calm. A little slow on the uptake and shell-shocked to boot. I mean, I really didn¡¯t think that is what he


    was doing. I definitely didn¡¯t recognise a proposal.


    ¡°You¡¯re crazy.¡± This all seems so surreal. Composing myself as best as I can although I should really


    give up and ept, I¡¯m aplete mess. A short moment of calm in my internal storm and I wait for


    the grasping ws of panic to grip me once more, but nothing happens.


    ¡°You already knew that when you met me.¡± He just smiles, in that devastating dimples and Hollywood


    way that turn my knees to jelly and my insides to mush. Trepidation is in there, peeking out, but mostly


    I feel calm. Overjoyed, strangely, considering he just proposed the dreaded M word.


    ¡°Promise me something.¡± I blurt it out as doubt seizes me again, and those niggles about marriage and


    what it means, rise from the depths. Simmering inside and refusing to back down but I know I have


    control of this. They are just thoughts and fears that will warp my mind if I let them. I¡¯m the one who


    needs to fix that.


    ¡°Anything. Just name it.¡± So intently looking into my soul and keeping me grounded. Reminding me that


    fear is nothingpared to no Alexi.


    ¡°If our marriage goes stale and I¡¯m no longer what you want or need ¡­ end it. Don¡¯t be like those men


    who maintain an empty marriage and visit women like me. Don¡¯t betray me. Just be honest, always be


    honest. If this doesn¡¯t work, don¡¯t let it drag on. Don¡¯t turn me into an object.¡± My hands shake as I


    realise exactly what I¡¯m doing. I¡¯m agreeing to this andying down the boundaries as we do. It¡¯s our


    thing. Setting the guidelines, the rules and terms to our arrangements. Willingly shackling myself


    despite the crazy terror growing in my veins. The things I¡¯m terrified of happening, out there for him to


    see and address.


    Throwing myself into the deep end with this man while all my doubts and questions are screaming at


    me to stop and be more cautious. I swallow it down and shake it away. Refusing to let my brain ruin my


    life forever. I can ovee this.


    Why break what¡¯s be a tradition between us with something as silly as sense and logic. I mean, it


    was stupid decisions that kept leading me right back to him.


    Life without him is not an option. Life as his mistress will never be what it can be as his wife.


    ¡°It will never happen, but I swear, I¡¯ll never lie to you. I¡¯ll never deceive you, and if things go sour, I¡¯ll fix


    it, or I¡¯ll end it. I promise.¡± I can feel the genuine oath in his words. He means it in every way.


    ¡°I¡¯m scared.¡± It¡¯s myst final dy before I give him a proper answer. Nerves getting the better of me


    and tears threatening to overflow once more. It¡¯s thatst little moment of panic that feels a lot like


    stage fright before stepping out into the limelight. Just having a little trouble getting on top of it and I¡¯m


    wavering slightly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be. There¡¯s nothing to be scared about when you¡¯re with me. I¡¯m not scared anymore. It¡¯s more


    terrifying to think of a future without you in it than anything else we do together.¡± Alexi seems so calm


    and in control, patiently kneeling there on the floor, probably bruising his knee on the Italian marble,


    and I take onest long heavy inhale to calm myself fully.


    I can do this.


    He said exactly what I feel. The right words to soothe my worry. The thought of a future life without him


    in it does not bear thinking about and all the fears, doubts and niggles quieten to a low hum rather than


    a deafening choir inside my head. I can live with the little noise they make when it¡¯s all put into that kind


    of perspective and I remind myself over and over of the facts. Marriage may not be what I wanted but


    I¡¯m willing to take each day as ites to be with him. And if things head in any way I do not like, I will


    ask him for that divorce. My gut tells me he will give it to me. I¡¯m pinning all of it on that little truth.


    When fear rises, I have an out.


    I¡¯m putting his needs before mine. Like he does for me.


    That¡¯s love.


    I¡¯m not entirely convinced this will be for me and that it won¡¯t all go pear-shaped, but for him, I¡¯m willing


    to see how it goes. He just keeps surprising me so who knows, maybe Alexi will be exactly what I¡¯ve


    always needed. Maybe married life won¡¯t be as bad as I keep telling myself it¡¯ll be. I mean, it¡¯s been


    almost twenty-four hours, and so far, he hasn¡¯t exactly been anything like a controlling arsy fucker,


    except when I hurt his feelings. I guess that¡¯s hopeful.


    I will definitely live to regret this.


    ¡°Then yes, Mr Carrero. You can marry me again so that maybe I¡¯ll get a memory of it this time. Just


    don¡¯t expect me to let you choose anything in terms of the venue or the ceremony if ourst one is


    anything to go by.¡± It¡¯s a tearfulst sob-crybo as fear and happiness kick each other¡¯s butts and


    I¡¯m left dazed and washed out.


    Alexi breaks into a grin and jumps up so fast he knocks the breath out of me when he scoops me into


    his arms, a strong embrace, and sinks a kiss on me that renders me speechless. Wrapped up tight in


    his arms and kissed senseless so that I can barely inhale. Faces crushed together and enthusiasm kills


    all skill, but it¡¯s a kiss I will treasure forever because I can feel the genuine ecstatic happiness in it from


    him.


    ¡°I just want to point out that you chose the venue, Elvis and car bo consummation, London.¡± He


    grins again as he breaks away, leaving me gasping for air and a little overheated. His eyes the palest I


    have ever seen them, and he looks devastatingly gorgeous, that twinkle full-on dazzling me.


    ¡°Lexi ¡­ shut up.¡± I poke him in the rib and get another kiss for my efforts. This time a practised toe-


    curling, tongue action kind of smooch that makes me forget about everything else except getting naked


    underneath this man.


    ¡°About fucking time, can we now stop hiding behind the door and go to bed?¡± Gino¡¯s voice echoes our


    way and we break apart to see them both peering from behind the small, dark wood study door on the


    right side of the hall. Looking bashful like naughty kids who have been caught by stern parents. I¡¯m


    guessing they went in there for God knows what reason and then didn¡¯t want to interrupt us. That¡¯s kind


    of embarrassing


    ¡°Congrattions ¡­ umm ¡­ again.¡± Alessandra breaks in, lurching out of the study with a little hop to


    come at us with a bright beaming smile. Looking beautifully happy and tearful and reaches out to both


    of us impulsively. I honestly like this girl so much.


    Alexi lets me go to get a warm hug from her and she hesitates before grabbing me.


    ¡°So, this time, you¡¯re happy about it? Non?¡±


    I never understood that weird Italian way of meaning yes by saying no, but I nod and grin at her and


    throw myself at the girl for a cuddle. Hell, if I¡¯m making rash decisions like marriage and shit then


    making proper, touchy-feely friends with my future sister-inw is nothing inparison.


    And then it dawns on me.


    ¡°I guess I¡¯m staying as one of the family after all.¡±


    I have an actual family now. A real one. A family who seem to like me enough to care if I ceased to


    exist. That thought hits me just as hard as knowing that Alexi will always take care of me and my eyes


    moisten with a new wave of these ridiculous goddamn tears.


    He gave me something more than himself. Something I never dreamed I would have.


    ¡°You were already one of us, Red.¡± Ginoes up behind her and rubs me roughly on top of my head


    over his girlfriend¡¯s body. A very weird, almost sibling like move, and I cock a brow at him with a


    strange expression at his odd gesture, wiping my face and totally embarrassed at the wet mess I have


    be.


    ¡°My brother just hadn¡¯t caught on all that quickly!¡± He grins, undeterred by my strange looks and sucker


    punches his brother in the shoulder casually. He looks rmingly like Alexi doing that and smiles at him


    with a knowing grin that gets him a dramatic eye roll.


    ¡°Shut up, or I¡¯ll shoot you in the face,¡± Alexi growls, scowling and frowning in the most insanely cute


    way while being utterly serious. I beam at him, adoration and crushing like a maniac because I wouldn¡¯t


    have my feral beast any other way. Hostile, aggressive, crazy in bed and just a little prickly sometimes.


    Perfect.


    Alexi. Always the charmer.

 Chapter 182

    Chapter 182


    ¡°I can¡¯t do this, Lexi.¡± My heart is hammering through my chest and I have checked my appearance


    three dozen times in the full-length mirror of the bedroom we stayed in for the rest of the night.


    Obsessed with my appearance as anxiety strangles the life out of me. Trying to focus on something I


    can control and getting a little preupied with its importance.


    Property ? N?velDrama.Org.


    We were busy most ofst night, making up for our strained day with lots of gentle lovemaking, kissing


    and caresses, and I¡¯m aglow with his attention today. Cheeks flushed, skin dewy, and a twinkling


    happiness in my eyes I¡¯ve never seen before. I feltpletely chilled when I got up this morning, well


    almostpletely. That was until he dumped this little announcement on me that we¡¯re having a cosy


    family brunch at Mummy¡¯s house.


    Ugh.


    Last night was a repeat of the night he first made love to me, after the failed kidnapping at the club.


    Only without him holding back on the feels, and hepletely blew my mind on so many levels. He


    can be so sweet, attentive, affectionate and warm when you peel away those dark sadisticyers. He


    turns into a youthful, smiley, touchy-feely boy when his guardpletely dissolves, andst night was


    the first time I truly felt like we both did. No more hiding or secrets between us.


    It was the epitome of perfection and this morning I couldn¡¯t be any stronger on my decision to stick with


    this and see where marriage can go.


    His touch was gentle and intimate. He couldn¡¯t get enough of me and wey wrapped up together in


    between slow,zy sex sessions with pillow talk about everything and nothing. It just felt right, and


    natural. As though somehow, we finally found each other and let everything go to start afresh. Two


    people with no previous, no scars, no memories of hurting each other at all. The past fell away to


    reveal something new and precious and so very special. Alexi bing the man I never knew he


    could be for me. Like an old soul I¡¯ve known for an eternity, and we just eased into being together so


    effortlessly that I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn¡¯t dreaming. I didn¡¯t think I could love him


    more than I did but this morning it¡¯s reached all new depths and I cannot bear to think of ever being


    parted from him.


    Neither of us slept much but weirdly, I feel rejuvenated and fresh. As though we are in some dreamlike


    world where nothing can ever touch me again. He looks the same. A new spring in his step, warm


    happiness in the undertones to that serious face and a look in his eye that matches mine. We¡¯re happy.


    We work. He¡¯s my perfection and I¡¯m his.


    I groan inwardly as reality catches up with my reflection before me and reminds me of the one little


    hurdle we still need to ovee today. I would rather just hibernate here with him all day and have


    more ofst night. Cocooned in ¡®Camlexi¡¯ world where nothing will ever be scary again and my heart


    feels worthy.


    I¡¯ve dressed a tad formally today, trying to make an impression. My gut turning and wrenching nerves


    hit me hard once more. Popping my little love bubble. I exhale heavily as I find nothing wrong with my


    attire except a severeck of confidence in meeting a part of his family that matter.


    I once again start pacing, mmy with anxiety and checking my angles and makeup obsessively as I


    turn and wander around aimlessly. I need to be perfect. wless and manicured with nothing out of


    ce so I feel less erratic and uptight. This introduction is important. If they hate me, I¡¯m scared it will


    affect what I am to him on some level, even though he says it won¡¯t. Alexi loves his family. He puts


    them above everything, so I need their approval.


    ¡°Yes, you can.¡± Alexi¡¯s being his usual calm self, unaffected outwardly even though this surely must be


    making him antsy too. I mean it¡¯s his blood, his mother for God¡¯s sake. He is just over there, confidently


    sorting his shirt and watch by the en-suite door of the bedroom while looking impably groomed as


    always in a nice fitted ck shirt that gives him mega ¡®phwoar¡¯ factor. Nothing in his appearance to


    show how he is feeling now we are minutes away from leaving.


    Alexi is one of those men who can pull off suits, formal clothes, sexy fitted tailoring and casual attire


    equally well, and I really don¡¯t know which version I like more. Right now, he¡¯s in all ck, dressed


    down marginally by only wearing shirt and trousers, but he looks model worthy, that tan more obvious


    against the ck and those eyes standing out a mile as the one pale feature in the entire man.


    I still to this day can¡¯t stop staring at those almost colourless eyes with that dark-rimmed, sexily sadistic


    and haunting look. They truly make his whole face.


    ¡°You should just go, and I¡¯ll stay here. You said it yourself, she won¡¯t like this one bit anyway, so what¡¯s


    the point in meing along to add drama? She¡¯s going to hate my presence.¡± My hands are


    trembling, and he stops strap straightening to raise a brow at me. Aplete unamused look crossing


    that almost deadpan expression. My insides sink with that one little look of his I read so well. It¡¯s his


    ¡®over my dead body¡¯ automatic response that will end in me being carried if I refuse.


    ¡°This isn¡¯t for her. My father ising back and will show up for lunch, she knows you¡¯reing, and I


    want to tell him that you are now his daughter-inw. Rx. It¡¯s me she dislikes, so nothing you do can


    disappoint her more than I do.¡± He says it so matter of fact, it actually breaks my heart in two for him,


    pushing aside my jitters. That horrible hard twist in my chest that his mother doesn¡¯t deserve him at all.


    She has no idea how amazing he really is under all thoseplicatedyers. What she is missing out


    on.


    ¡°Why do you put yourself through this if this is how you feel about her? You don¡¯t need to see her or


    live up to her expectations. She doesn¡¯t deserve you. We could have met your father in the city.¡± I have


    been fiercely overthinking this meeting with his mother for thest two hours after we finally got out of


    bed, and I have worked myself into insanity over the brunch he arranged when he got up this morning.


    She was surprised to find her twins had flown in through the night and, of course, extended a lunch


    invitation to the four of us at Alexi¡¯s childhood home nearby. I didn¡¯t overhear much, just the cool


    clipped tones of Alexi being polite, and it¡¯s clear he puts on a certain mask when dealing with her. It


    was painful to listen to. Detached, business-like and incredibly respectful towards her. It almost made


    me cry to hear my warm man being his cold Mafia side with someone who should love him


    unconditionally. She is the reason he found it hard to believe I could love him for so long, so I already


    hate her without having met her yet.


    ¡°She¡¯s my mother and the only one I have. I owe her a face-to-face when telling her about us. I can¡¯t


    me her for how I turned out. That was on me.¡± He avoids my eye and carries on smoothing his shirt


    and trousers out, checking them for lint before checking himself in the mirror. Not that I can tell if he¡¯s


    happy with his reflection as he shows nothing. Closing down and turning cool in readiness but I¡¯m not


    upset by it. I know it¡¯s for her and he¡¯s obviously disying his own nerves in a low-key fashion.


    ¡°Oh yes, you can!¡± I retort sharply, frustrated that he still defends the bitch even after everything he told


    me about her.


    ¡°Cam. Just get your shoes on and take a few deep breaths. Maybe count to ten, or twenty. Behave


    yourself, wench.¡± He smirks, finishes adjusting himself and slides on his leather jacket, looking suave


    and distracting while I¡¯m over here trying to rage and get out of this little cosy family lunch. It¡¯s enough


    to make me simmer a little.


    ¡°Fuck off.¡± It¡¯s not really said with any malice and I get a smile as he passes me and a peck on the


    cheek. A hand trailing my arse and that butt pinch of a man who knows he owns my body.


    ¡°You look fuckable by the way.¡± I also get an added arse p as he saunters out the bedroom door and


    I just eye roll after him and shake my head. Straightening my dress and tossing my hair back for one


    last obsessive check.


    ¡°So ssy. It¡¯s beautiful, actually. You¡¯re so crass sometimes.¡± I do the once around at the mirror and


    reluctantly grab my shoes with a resigned sigh of eptance that this is happening. I wouldn¡¯t put it


    past him to fireman¡¯s lift me over if I refuse to cooperate, and I want calm and controlled when meeting


    that icy bitch for the first time. I feel sick. Insides washing machine style reminding me that this could all


    go horribly wrong.


    ¡°Nope ¡­ it¡¯s fuckable. I was right the first time. That¡¯s better than beautiful. You give me a hard-on.


    Mountains can be beautiful, and I don¡¯t get an erection for those.¡±


    Alexi says it so seriously I just gaze at him without an ounce of reaction, sliding on my shoes as I lean


    against the unit by the door.


    ¡°It was definitely your romantic nature that bagged me, that and your stunning metaphors that really


    make me feel precious.¡± I eye roll sarcastically. Alexi gives me that cute boy smile with those panty


    melting dimples, and despite myself, I smile back at him, amused by how he can be sometimes. I


    wouldn¡¯t really change that tactless unromantic side to him. He does it in his own way and it means so


    much more than flowers and choctes.


    I need a stiff drink to get through this, but at least Gino and Alessandra will be there to help diffuse any


    awkwardness when Alexi announces I¡¯m not just his date, but his bride. That will go down like a lead


    balloon with his mother. I¡¯m not exactly a mother''s dream idea of a daughter-inw, and I¡¯m still having


    a little turmoil over the whole M word and what it means. It will pass in time, I just have to keep looking


    at what I have, reminding myself how much I need him.


    We sat for hoursst night before sex and sleep, talking about things in general. Marriage, his family,


    life. I guess I feel more positive about it all today now I¡¯ve had time for him to set my mind at ease.


    Time to hear him tell me that nothing will change between us except for the better. Basking in his


    affections, that adoring gaze that removed any doubt that he¡¯d always take care of me. I feel stronger


    today, knowing I¡¯m not just something he owns, but I¡¯m the woman by his side who gives him as much


    as he gives me. Two halves of one soul. He lets me lead; I never saw it before yesterday.


    Alexi isn¡¯t much of a talker normally butst night for whatever reason we justy there in the dark and


    seemed to talk about the Universe. Easy, non-forced conversation and jokes that had meughing.


    Opening up about stuff I never thought I would talk about with anyone, and he was an open book,


    willing to answer anything I asked. We talked about his ADHD and how it affects him, and I really feel I


    was blinded for so long about howplex he is and how much he hides his love and care in small


    ways. It¡¯s been there all along even while he was battling me horrendously.


    My boy!


    He knows his mother¡¯s going to be pissed because I don¡¯t meet any of the criteria she set for her


    children¡¯s suggested soulmates. I¡¯m not religious, Italian, well connected in an honourable family or


    evene with the right ent. I¡¯m a lower-ss working hussy whoes across as overly sexual


    and purring is my preferred mode ofmunication. I have pert and ample breasts, a slim body and


    endless legs, and even I know she will judge me on that alone. I was built to seduce, and I know she


    will see through me and figure out what it is I¡¯m good at. Women know; they always knew I was paid


    sex even when I didn¡¯t open my mouth.


    And as for my hair, well, he thinks I may just give his mother a hernia when she sees my Jessica


    Rabbit colour. I guess jezebel red will stand out to a good Catholic woman who spends her time making


    cakes for church bake sales. Just confirm her worst fears, that her son has been pulled in by some


    cheap gold-digging whore with a stranglehold on his heart.


    It¡¯s how it will look to most people.


    She didn¡¯t pre-approve me previously to give her blessing on our union, or even know he was dating


    anyone seriously. A big no-no apparently in the world of dating a Carrero from his particr strain. She


    didn¡¯t get a wedding invite or get to announce an engagement, and in fact, the whole showing up to


    drop on her that we¡¯re already wed might make her head explode. He told me she is very anal about


    traditions, so I have no chance. All the little crosses stacked up against me before I step foot in her


    home.


    Just great!


    Alexi told me to expect the worst oue and then multiply it and that might be close to what he is


    expecting will happen, to be honest. So, it¡¯s no wonder I¡¯m a bag of nerves.


    I fretted over my outfit for so long in a bid to minimise damage, until he asked me what I was doing


    earlier. When I said I was trying to find something conservative and mother-inw approved, so as not


    to make this worse, he walked over to my case and hauled out probably my tightest and sluttiest dress


    in there. He got pissed at me, raged a little and yed tug of war with my clothes.


    I guess approval from her is not on his important job list today. It was a ten-minute tiff over what I was


    wearing before he walked out to go cool down. I got it though, no showing a false me and I chose a


    favourite dress he couldn¡¯tin about. Alexi really doesn¡¯t like it when I try to change who I am for


    anyone.


    He then got agitated with me when I toned down my makeup to a neutral, barely there look, and then


    fully lost his temper when I picked ts instead of my usual stilettos. A little bit of a ¡®don¡¯t fucking


    change for her!¡¯ yelled at me and that resulted in a straight vodka shot before he almost burned a hole


    in the carpet from pacing like a caged tiger. Trying not to lose his cool with my choices while ranting at


    me that he didn¡¯t fall for some replica of his mother for very obvious reasons.


    I relented, more afraid of ruining our day together than her, and went with my trademark face, heels


    and a ck shift dress. Quickest way to appease my devil is to do as I¡¯m told and fall in line with his


    requests. It seemed to simmer him back to amicable when I rocked out looking very much like Cami


    working the club¡ªmy norm. I saw him visibly rx, and I wondered if he needs the familiarity of me


    beside him when we go to see her. Someplex Alexi reason that this is an issue today more so than


    normal.


    I guess I don¡¯t like seeing him being someone else either, so maybe it works both ways.


    We look very coordinated and sleek now that I see what he¡¯s wearing.


    Alexi cheered up anyway and tried to take my dress back off to get in a little quickie before he got


    ready. I may or may not have given in and allowed a semi-dressed forey session to help him reel in


    those chaotic energies of his. Sex is therapy for him and what kind of wife would I be if I didn¡¯t help


    ease his moods in such enjoyable ways. It was not full-on sex, more of a lot of hands down pants and


    groping until I finished him off orally. Boy owes me an orgasm when we get home as now my blood is


    burning hotter than hell and I¡¯m looking forward to that intense relief.


    I head out into the hall behind him when we¡¯re ready, and down the stairs looking around for Gino and


    Alessandra, but the house is silent. All I can hear is the jangle of Alexi picking up keys in the kitchen


    after we split, and he veered left. I stopped to slip on my lightweight jacket.


    ¡°Where is everyone?¡± I call out to him, looking around the opulent grand hall warily and meet him as he


    comes out the door again. Surrounding me with that sexy aftershave.


    ¡°They were summoned over early to spend some time with my mother alone. She is orchestrating their


    engagement announcement and no doubt taking over their wedding ns. I get my control freak nature


    from my mother, by the way.¡± He sighs, obviously disinterested in his brother¡¯s wedding prep, and my


    heart sinks further. The woman clearly goes all in for that shit, so this is going to be brutal.


    ¡°Ahh. Exins a lot.¡± I smile sexily, trying not to let my twisting internal organs ruin my mood. Alexi


    fixes me with a sultry gaze, runs a hand firmly from my thigh, up my side, and under the curve of my


    breast before finally palming it in his hand with a little squeeze. Eyes devouring me as he traces my


    curves. Igniting the usual sexual tension, especially now he has me turned on and in dire need of a


    conclusion to what started upstairs.


    ¡°I like this dress. I¡¯ll like it better when I take it offter.¡± I get a wink and a kiss on the cheek before he


    extends an arm to gesture it¡¯s time to go.


    ¡°You¡¯re such a man, sometimes.¡± I sigh, batting his hand away as he runs it along my hemline to feel


    what¡¯s going on under the dress. He has been a little overly horny today, understandably. Sex is his


    way to unwind and let off steam, so I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a coincidence that a meeting with his mother for


    lunch is preceded by several quickies before going there, and he¡¯s angling for another. I¡¯m not against it


    but we¡¯ll bete and that will only make this so much worse.


    ¡°Behave!¡± I brush his hand back again as he tries for another feel of myher regions and I tug his


    jacket with me instead. Pulling him to the door and reeling in those wandering fingers.


    Sooner we get this over and done with the better. I¡¯m not against a little bit of sex-mad Alexi, but my


    head and nerves are too preupied with the mother-inw from hell to enjoy it right now. Alexi does


    as he¡¯s told and lets me yank him out into the fresh crisp day. It¡¯s unusually sunny.


    ¡°Promise me you¡¯ll ignore anything she says. My mother can be a bitch and she isn¡¯t shy about using


    words as weapons.¡± He stops me when we hit the first step, so he can turn and quickly lock up and I


    eye him warily. That mass of muscles and good genes, looking stiff and ready to take on the world.


    ¡°More so than me?¡± It¡¯s not exactly a joke as I know I can be a prize bitch at the best of times, but I


    need him to lighten up a little. His mask is making me nervous.


    ¡°Juries out on that. I¡¯ll tell youter.¡± He smirks and earns himself a nudge in the ribs before we¡¯re


    blinded by the mid-day sun, leaving the shaded area of the porch, and I spy a gleaming ck four by


    four that someone has deposited on the drive.


    I heard him call and arrange for a car drop off this morning, and in true Carrero fashion, here we have


    ourselves a big ck beast, shining and ready to go. Not that we really needed a car, as he said his


    folks¡¯ house isn¡¯t that far away.


    ¡°Well. I can hold my own, I¡¯m a big girl. You wouldn¡¯t have married me if I was a pushover. You needed


    a daily challenge.¡± I sh my biggest diva smile his way, lift that chin and slide into the car as he opens


    my door for me. Holding it wide like a true gentleman and I can¡¯t help noticing that slight furrow of a


    frown appearing and the tense little tightening of his jawline. He¡¯s clearly anticipating it.


    ¡°True. Maybe now I should worry this will be more explosive than I predicted.¡± He turns to me as I settle


    into the seat, hands me my seat belt and watches me clip it on. upied with tasks and very little


    words.


    ¡°You worried?¡± I reach out and smooth that furrowed brow back to sexy straightness, a soft caress on a


    face I adore so much. A moment to remind him I love him. He lifts his hand to mine as I trail it down his


    cheek tenderly, encapsting my skin with his warm, familiar touch that always ignites full body


    euphoria.


    ¡°Not about her. You can hold your own though, so maybe I have nothing to worry about after all.¡± A


    slight smile, a softening of that muscle in his face.


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s get going and see how this pans out.¡± I have my battle mode connected and firing at the


    ready just in case. I won¡¯t go down without a fight and if this bitch insults my husband, I may have to


    tear her a new one. I won¡¯t let anyone disrespect the love of my life.


    ¡°Like World War three.¡±


    My sentiments exactly but I don¡¯t want to stress him out, so I smile demurely, toss my hair back and


    give him a soft look. Trying to transfer some positive thoughts his way in the hopes he aims them right


    back. No more dying this. Suck it up, take a deep breath and ept this is happening even if my gut


    is trying to knot itself into oblivion.


    ¡°Funny.¡±


    ¡°Just be you. The only one you need to impress is me. No one else matters.¡±

 Chapter 183

    Chapter 183


    The house is huge and beautiful like some sort of movie set for the lifestyle of the rich and famous. A


    towering white mansion set in a beautiful green manicured garden like some modern painting. Set in


    the sunny Hamptons, near the coast in a very picturesque area thatprises of nothing but huge


    grand houses, that just spew wealth. I can see why the Carreros reign supreme here. It¡¯s like the real


    housewives of Orange County.


    Their home a show house for sure,pletely devoid of lived in family life and we are let in by a maid


    who ushers us into a sitting room in what appears to be a deserted house until she runs off to find our


    host. Marble entranceway not dissimr to that of Alexi¡¯s nearby abode, huge sweeping staircase in a


    wless neutral palette. It¡¯s glossy magazine worthy with massive professional vases of floral


    arrangements dotted at key points on expensive furniture around the edges of the room.


    I find it odd that Alexi is being treated like a guest rather than a family member, left standing here to


    await his mother, but I keep my mouth shut as I watch him pace the floor, clearly unsettled in these


    surroundings. Not wanting to point out the obvious and hurt him more than he has been under this roof


    already. This must hold a million memories from him that leaves a sour taste in his mouth.


    He seems like a fish out of water in this house and I really do not connect him to the calm white and


    neutral tone d¨¦cor, or the pristine almost museum-like settings. It doesn¡¯t seem child-friendly or even


    family orientated and is more like a five-star hotel than somewhere weing.


    He seems restless and closed off already, walking away from me to give himself some much-needed


    space and I know not to take it personally. He¡¯s battling his own inner demons and I just give him a


    warm, supportive smile when his eye catches mine. A storm in those eyes for all the world to see, the


    only hint that he experiences a depth of emotion below that smooth exterior. My heart aches for him


    and I feel powerless to make him better. A knot forming in my gut and throat simultaneously and I just


    will this to be over fast.


    This is not a family home, it¡¯s a show-off pad to impress visitors andcks any sort of warmth. It¡¯s not


    my cup of tea at all and I instantly long for Alexi¡¯s apartment back home in the city. It¡¯s cosy urban chic


    and has a sentimental collection of things hidden around the walls, out of in sight. He has more


    character and love in his home than this ce does, and I can see why he always felt like an outsider.


    The house feels cold and sterile much like the woman I see in the pictures on the walls. Staring down


    at us with superiority from an array of family portraits that allck my grey eyed Adonis.


    Fucking bitch!


    ¡°Alessandro.¡± A heavy, husky ented voice trails towards us from the open door which surprises me


    as I never thought of his mother having anything other than a New York dialect. It¡¯s obvious she¡¯s a


    native Sicilian and now makes sense why he spent most of his childhood there and why Alexi has a


    hint of a genuine Italian mixed with his, but this is a shock, to say the least. It¡¯s so strong it¡¯s almost


    hard to pick out her English. It does have a seductive quality I guess, but I prefer Alexi¡¯s mixed dialect


    over hers.


    A small elegant woman follows through behind her greeting, bleached blonde hair expertly coiffed into


    a French roll on the back of her head and dressed impably in tailored, wide leg tan trousers and a


    cream silk blouse that moulds to a small petite frame with plenty of curves. She looks too young to


    have sons Alexi¡¯s age and on closer inspection, I can see she is well groomed with attention to details.


    Much like her son. Nothing out of ce at all.


    A fan of Botox and such no doubt, and her body suggests she is a gym junkie. Hardly the picture of


    motherhood I was envisioning from the faded pictures in Alexi¡¯s bolthole. None of them had been


    recent of his mother, but she looks pretty much the same with an air of stic face. Her demeanour is


    poised, precise to the extent where I would have envied her only a short time ago but now, I realise


    how much I have changed. I dislike her on sight, beyond what I know of her. She exudes something


    hostile, even while smiling and acting like she is pleased to see him.


    She crosses to him, takes his hand and air kisses him dramatically on both cheeks before patting him


    on the shoulder as though he is a puppy dog. Alexi leans in to amodate her smaller height, eyes


    not meeting hers properly and he seems stiff andpletely nk. I can tell he has withdrawn well


    inside his head and mask and I hate seeing him his way. The whole thing seems very fake andcks


    any real affection and love. He¡¯s ying the part of an obedient and adoring son, and she in no way


    deserves the respect.


    ¡°Mother. You look stunning as always.¡± Alexi kisses her properly on one cheek and she stands like a


    statue, almost as though she is enduring his tenderness rather than enjoying it and I instantly hate her


    more. Despising the very presence of the cow. Dismissing him as if he¡¯s worthless, like his love is


    something to pass off, and I swallow down a verbal remark, biting hard on my lip before it shoots out.


    Anger rearing its ugly head like a volcano about to blow itsva pit.


    She has his coldness in droves, his controlled manner and standoffish demeanour when you don¡¯t


    know him very well. I can see exactly where his traitse from so it¡¯s even more mind-boggling to


    know she rejected him because of most of them. I guess Alexi didn¡¯t fall far from the tree, and she


    hated having an image of her to point out all her ws in such a visual way. She rejected him so people


    wouldn¡¯t see through her own mask of hiding so many imperfections. Too much in her image to pass off


    as a troubled child, so she kept him away from her so no one would make the connection.


    Prick.


    ¡°Mother, I would like to introduce you to someone important to me. This is Cami.¡± Alexi nods towards


    me, his face instantly softening when we lock eyes and the adoration reappears to bring me into the


    fold. My temper simmers as I bask in that look that is only for me, and I step forward extending a


    practised hand with a fake, overly friendly smile and adopt my most alluring tone. I was always good at


    pretend y, and I can wear it like a second skin.


    ¡°Pleasure.¡± I hold it out mid-air and she just eyeballs it like it¡¯s a dirty rag and I¡¯m somehow offending


    her by brandishing it her way. Her focus sweeping my sharp acrylic talons painted in harlot red, and I


    can almost see the distaste rising in her throat. Her eyes narrow, she swallows hard and I get nothing


    but a cool re.


    ¡°What happened to thest girlfriend? She was ¡­ sweet.¡± She motions my way with a hand flick but


    doesn¡¯t look at me directly, turning usingly to her son with a scowl. Her tone polite, scathing with her


    words and I baulk at just how rude she is. Ignorant as fuck, and who brings up thest girl when in the


    presence of a current one.


    Jesus Christ!!


    Seriously, I already want to stab her in the eyes with my nails.


    She has me fuming as my blood bubbles in my veins and heat rises to my cheeks to signal my fury.


    Taken aback by the question, I just hold myself up and gawp stupendously. Alexi¡¯s face drops to that


    familiar sadistic scowl that makes his brows almost meet in the middle and his eyelids lower on those


    glinting eyes.


    ¡°Jesus Christ, Mother. Clearly not with me.¡± Alexi hesitates from adding more to that sentence, curbing


    the tremor of temper I see flick across his face as he tries not to react the way I know he normally


    would. Those eyes darkening and that tense muscle in his jaw bes prominent once more.


    ¡°Again ¡­ Cami, my significant other. It would be nice if you said hello,¡± he says through gritted teeth


    with a snarl hiding in the depths of his tone. Swirling with rage and trying to grip onto a modicum of


    calm out of respect and misced love for this cranky woman. I can see why he avoidsing here.


    All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    I remain unmoved, face a mask of amusement as though she made some vague joke and I continue


    smiling warmly, hand still in goddamn mid-air. I refuse to back down and be scorned by this half pint


    with shit fashion sense and ame manicure.


    He ushers her towards me briskly, obviously annoyed, by cing a hand on her back, and as her eyes


    sweep over me that face tightens to hide her reaction to mepletely¡ªvery Alexi-esque. Seems


    closing down and hiding everything from the world is a learned trait or one passed down in his DNA,


    anyway.


    Her gaze settles on my hair first, eyebrow twitching in distaste, and then my dress and shoes in a very


    slow dissection as she mentally sums up my character on first impressions. Her eyes are all that


    betrays her disapproval, and she again ignores my gesture and crosses her arms neatly across her


    abdomen to make it clear she¡äs not going to ept a handshake. I drop it, try not to seethe out some


    cuss words in her face and just give her that knowing bitchy look.


    I see you for what you are.


    I can almost taste how much she dislikes me.


    ¡°Lovely to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you.¡±


    All bloody awful!


    I purr, not intimidated at all and flick away my hand boldly, not letting her ice me out and try to humiliate


    me. Alexi was right. She has met her match in me, and she has no idea what kind of pussycat she is


    dealing with. I¡¯m way more feral than some purring littlep friend. I will w her goddamn eyes out of


    her skull. My hackles are rising, my spine stiffening and that cold edge to my tone moved right on in of


    its own ord.


    Her eyes widen as I speak, this time clearly taking real note of my ent and that little head cock


    before she shes a dark look at Alexi and mutters something in Italian for his ears only. Judging by the


    tone, I don¡¯t think it¡¯s apliment.


    Alexi¡¯s face goes from calm control to an instant growling frown, a flush of colour on his cheekbones,


    signalling insta-rage, jaw tightening in one swift move. His whole posture instantly goes rigid and he


    seems to grow an inch taller.


    ¡°She¡¯s English and so fucking what?¡± He snaps at her and earns himself a haughty reply, yet again in


    Italian which only seems to make him worse. She almost hisses at him and he turns to her to lock


    those soulless eyes dead on her, no hint of backing down at all. She stands tall to meet his superior


    height and raises her voice, something foreign that I totally miss but it sounds like a put-down.


    It seems to momentarily put him in his ce, and he looks away from the bitch to across the hall,


    grinding his teeth, flexing those jaw muscles and looking mighty pissed to boot. I wonder what she said


    to him, or what disappointment in him she threw his way to wound him. I can see my little lost boy


    peeking out and I¡¯ll bet your bottom dor she just reminded him how awful a son he has been all these


    years.


    I tremble with a furying from so low down I swear it seems toe from the depths of hell and


    filters up my body, dragging a burning heat that could melt steel. Face tightening and hands balling into


    fists. She has no idea how protective of him I am, and she is pushing all my psycho buttons.


    I stay very still and act like I have no idea what¡¯s going on. I want to explode at her and spray her with


    all thates with it. This is going so much worse than I thought it would.


    ¡°I was actually born in Texas, so not British through and through.¡± I jest lightly, scrambling for something


    to say as I try to bring Alexi¡¯s eyes back to me, sounding sickly sweet and trying to dismiss the hostility


    to regain control for him.


    She turns on me, all hoity-toity and superior, and hits me with that matronly foul look that scary mothers


    can pull off when kids misbehave.


    I waiver under the woman¡¯s dark scrutiny, so like my mother¡¯s from way back and beyond, and hate


    that it affects me. She just mumbles something elsepletely incoherent to me while poking me dead


    in the eye with her gaze.


    Alexi lets out a weird littleugh, oozing hostility and sarcasm, and I can almost count down the


    seconds to the explosion. I can sense it building in him, and whatever she is saying he isn¡¯t ying


    nice as she expects him to. She¡¯s pushing his buttons with whatever she said, and we should all just


    leave him alone now. It¡¯s that snarly sadistic chuckle that signals ¡®I¡¯m going to fuck you up¡¯.


    ¡°She doesn¡¯t speak Italian so at least have the backbone to speak English, so she knows what insults


    you¡¯re throwing around about her! And for the record, you don¡¯t know shit about her so how about you


    shut the fuck up and leave her alone.¡± He loses his temperpletely, that snap and brusque tone


    making both me and her flinch simultaneously.


    He knows he¡¯s losing his control and I see him physically repent, turning to storm off away from her and


    towards the drinks cab in the corner off to the left. He knows he needs to reel in his shit and he¡¯s


    searching for alcohol to take the edge off his spiralling temper. Chastising himself for disrespecting this


    awful woman.


    I follow him feebly to get the hell away from this rude arsehole before I say something I regret and


    agree a drink would be good about now. I walk at a pace to match his and try to edge his way before


    she follows at speed.


    I literally will her to go the fuck away before he really snaps, and I have to deal with the fallout. Alexi in


    a bad mood is headache worthy.


    ¡°How dare you speak to me like that Alessandro; I¡¯m your mother and you will not behave in such a


    manner under my roof. Show me some goddamn respect! I raised you better than this!¡± She matches


    his tone and level perfectly and for a second, I can see exactly where that temper and intimidating,


    growly, husky tonees from. Alexi may look like his father but that cold side and sadistic bastard


    personality is all her. It runs deep as hell.


    The woman is clearly a narcissist on some level and Alexi was the child she singled out to me his


    entire life.


    Who is she trying to kid when she talks about raising him?


    He seems to try his best to ignore her, pouring liquor from the first ss bottle into a tumbler and nods


    to me offering one. I shake my head, despite wanting one, as I know I might just let rip if I have a drink


    right now.


    ¡°How about you stop insulting my wife and we won¡¯t have a fucking problem.¡± He throws a look over his


    shoulder at her, yelling it loudly, straight at her face, and even as the words leave his mouth, I see the


    instant regret in his eyes. Impulsive words that he didn¡¯t want toe out this way.


    The horror in my belly that he just blurted it out like that, while she¡¯s on an anti-Cami rampage, and


    well, the absolutely mortified expression on her face seals my fate.


    It¡¯s like a lead balloon being dropped on a ss floor in a silent room. The gasp from her and the


    shocked wide-eyed ¡®Alessandro!¡¯ before he clicks what he just said and throws me a little look of ¡®shit¡¯.


    It wasn¡¯t what he wanted, and now it¡¯s just fuelled the hatred she has brewed for this wicked jezebel


    standing in her hall. I have defiled her son''s good name just by being linked to him. Hell, she probably


    thinks the name Carrero is now cursed, used goods for all time.


    ¡°Your what?!?!?¡± she erupts loudly so it echoes in this vast room; losing her cool, she storms at him to


    grab his elbow and yanks him to look at her. She hasn¡¯t got the strength to really move him but the


    spew of toxic Italian that follows her manoeuvre gets him spinning on her of his own volition. I step


    back against a nearby couch to steady myself, legs turning to jelly with this turn for the worst and I try


    to inhale slowly to keep my cool.


    ¡®My wife! Yes, Mama, I married her ¡­ in Vegas. It¡¯s a done deal, so say hi to your new daughter-inw.¡¯


    Alexi has given up trying to keep his shit together, and the appearance of that cold and terrifying


    persona that sends shivers through me snarls the words her way. She doesn¡¯t even blink an eye,


    instead, she also takes on that weird evil re, the insanely intimidating stance of someone rallying


    themselves for a fight.


    ¡°I¡¯m disgusted that you would cheapen our family name by marrying amon slut on a whim, most


    likely high on drugs and booze while pissing your life away. You never change! You just drag us down


    in any way you can, and now you have outdone yourself!¡±


    There is real hatred in her tone and despite his anger and furious expression, I catch the hurt in his


    eyes. The tiny bite of her words and the dip of his brow as he swallows what must be a familiar


    statement thrown at him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you fucking dare! You don¡¯t know her or anything about how we are together. I won¡¯t let you talk


    about her like that. I didn¡¯te here for your approval. I came to tell my father, and I would appreciate


    if you let me do that. We can leave and forego your cosy lunch if you prefer. I don¡¯t give a shit. I came


    to see him, not you, and now you know.¡± Alexi is simmering all his rage, trying to control it, and I can


    practically see the haze of fiery heat emanating from his poised and stiff stance. She squares up to


    him,pletely unfazed by the hulking great mass of aggressive testosterone in front of her, and I


    wonder if she really is oblivious to the fact, he kills men with his bare hands. I wouldn¡¯t be so quick to


    get all up in his face if I were her, especially not bad-mouthing me to shit. He has killed for me. I


    swallow loudly, gripping the chair in sheer terror as anxiety spreads through my limbs, rooting me to the


    spot, and I forget to breathe.


    ¡°How could you do this? I can see what she is. A gold-digging whore with a fake ent and a tight grip


    on your bank bnce. Look at her. Where did you find her? A strip club, Alessandro? She ismon


    and obviously used to wrapping men around her finger for all she can get. How could you be so stupid?


    You are not a na?ve boy, why would you lower yourself to marrying someone so unworthy? A woman of


    the night, painted red for the world to see.¡± That nasty toxic tone dissolves into pathetic crocodile tears


    as she pulls on the victim act, and I can see exactly what she is doing. Turning the tables on him


    because her anger isn¡¯t getting her the result she wants from him. I know this act all too well because


    I¡¯m fucking epic at it and can manipte on a whim. She¡¯s doing exactly that, ripping out his feet from


    under him to reduce him to a remorseful mess.


    Alexi¡¯s temper dies a death and the look of shame and guilt sweeps over him instantly.


    I guess I know where he gets his ability to manipte people from too.


    I can imagine what kind of mother she was to this little boy growing up. A viper tongue with a million


    insults for a child she could not control, and then the heavy emotional ckmail and usations when


    she couldn¡¯t get him to toe the line. He rebelled, he yed up and chose his own way in the world and


    no doubt met this wrath with every step he took. Either by viciousness or tears, she manipted him


    and made him feel worthless, just as she is doing now.


    That¡¯s enough for me. And I can¡¯t take this anymore. Something inside of me snaps at the sight of her


    trying to reduce him to this mess. I won¡¯t let some bitch twist my Lexi¡¯s head and heart this way.


    He¡¯s mine now and you do not fucking hurt him in any way!


    ¡°Actually, it was a gutter downtown after a bunch of thugs beat me up for a drug debt I bumped. I¡¯m an


    ex-hooker, luv, and I fucked men for money, not married them. I had my own little operation going


    before this one bailed me out of the shit storm and gave me a job in his sex club. Saved my arse and


    well, I fell for him hook line and sinker. As for the ent, it¡¯s genuine, sort of. I¡¯m a Londoner, but yeah,


    common as theye, and grew up begging for scraps and screwing men from a very young age. You


    were close though, so half a gold star for that. As for his bank bnce, well, I don¡¯t really need it


    considering he gave me the club, and it turns over a nice little profit with all the rich suits whoe to


    cheat on their wives from your neck of the woods. Oh, I¡¯ve met your husband, by the way, he seemed


    nice when he popped in.¡± I raise a catty brow, tone dripping with disdain as I pull myself up and lift that


    defiant chin, fixing a blue hostile re right on her face. I watch her go from rosy fake despair to ghost


    white, shocked stupid, and then the beetroot puce of filthy rage in the space of thirty seconds t.


    Hand on my hip and a cocky smirk on my face as I count the seconds it takes for her head to explode.


    If she is anything like her son, then it won¡¯t be long, and I smirk as I rx into an obvious ¡®fuck you¡¯


    pose. Alexi turns and looks at me, mouth slightly agape because I obviously cut him off before another


    snarling rant, and shocked that I just said what I said to his mother, of all people. I throw him an


    apologetic ¡®she made me do it¡¯ shrug and try for a smile to meet his stone-faced expression.


    If I can handle him, then I sure as hell can handle her, stuck-up psycho bitchface.


    ¡°What the ¡­? Oh, my God. That¡¯s ¡­¡± She stammers with so much seething anger she can¡¯t get the


    words out, stuttering, forgetting she was whimpering and trying to guilt him into submission, and then


    lets rip. Broken Italian follows in a great gush of words aimed his way as she rants and stomps in a


    circle waving her hands and arms in the air in an overly dramatic gesture. A whoosh of incoherence.


    Alexi just turns and downs another drink as though he doesn¡¯t know what else to do, facepletely


    deadpan, and he seems to just shut up shop and go on an instant vacation.


    That¡¯s not a good sign. He¡¯s trying to control whatever is about to burst out of him.


    I don¡¯t know if he too is about to go nuclear because my mouth and I just can¡¯t help themselves, or


    whether he is wishing he would just fall down a very deep hole in the next three seconds. Either way,


    Alexi is also brimming on an all-out explosion and I¡¯m not one hundred percent sure which of us it will


    be aimed at. He closes up tight, like that little dark enigma he can be, and we get nothing at all of what


    he is feeling now as he manically starts downing shots. It¡¯s a weighty, sudden pause where all the


    oxygen is sucked out of the room and I instantly feel faint. The crackle of tension electrifies the room,


    and it bes so heavy the atmosphere begins to crush me.


    If she is the one he gets his worst side from, then being stuck in the middle of two of the them in this


    kind of epic outburst is not my idea of a great ce to hang out. The fallout might kill me identally.


    ¡°You have to divorce her! I WILL NOT have this kind of filth in MY family. Do you hear me, Alessandro?


    I will not let you continue to shame me in this way!! I have been through enough at your hands and I


    won¡¯t allow this to continue. You dissolve this marriage right now!¡± She screams it at his back, and he


    tenses so visibly I tense too and hold my breath as I wait for the first strike of Armageddon to befall this


    room. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s static in the air from all the friction or Alexi himself that makes the sizzling


    noise, but an overcharged current seems to zap me, and I shiver with it. Recoiling inside myself too.


    I don¡¯t know what to do beyond my smart-mouthed retort and I am now literally at a loss. Trembling in


    my shoes and watching him like a hawk, knowing that some form of retaliation wille once he stops


    downing straight vodka. He downs another and I pray internally. Really worried that he is verging on


    some sort of selfbustion.


    ¡°No, he will not!¡± The loudmanding bark makes me and her jump a mile high in unison as a tall,


    familiar figure storms in and ms the front door shut behind him. The noise echoing harshly in the hall


    and travels towards us, probably alerting the entire household of drama. A look ofplete rage


    crossing that normally peaceful face, and Alexi¡¯s father storms through to this room and towers over his


    wife as he res her back into submission. Shepletely crumbles into a small, feeble act as though


    he somehow didn¡¯t catch her being an utter prize bitch. It¡¯s clear who wears the trousers in this


    rtionship.


    ¡°Our son has chosen a wife, a woman he loves, who is willing to love him unconditionally. I was rooting


    for them for months and this is how you treat our daughter-inw on the first meeting? If anyone should


    be ashamed, it is I with the conduct of my wife. Go upstairs and bring some sense to yourself, woman! I


    won¡¯t have this anymore.¡± It¡¯s a thundering, humiliatingmand and now I¡¯m over here wondering if


    Alexi really had any chance at all. Commander and chief and scary as shit side clearly came from


    Daddy, and cold, cruel and sadistic arsehole came from Mummy. He really had zero chance of doing


    well in the lucky dip gene pool when added to the ADHD thing.


    He is one hundred and fifty percent the product of his parents, and as he finally seems toe back


    into the battle with a look that tells me nothing much at all, his mother whimpers that pathetic snivelling


    drivel once more. I guess the little broken girl act is meant to make her menfolk back off and


    mollycoddle her. It¡¯s actually quite pathetic, and I can see why tears had no effect on him that time I


    was breaking my heart at his feet. She uses them as much as she uses her coldness and made him


    immune.

 Chapter 184

    Chapter 184


    It¡¯s not the expected oue; grown woman turning to childish puppy dog mush, pawing at her angry


    husband like a devious minx; I find myself eye rolling at themest form of female maniption there


    is.


    ¡°You knew? You met her?¡± usatory tone as she tries to regain some footing. Alexi sighs loudly and I


    nce his way to see him turn and butt himself against the table, throwing me an unreadable look


    before he downs another drink and I try not to count how many that is. By the look of his suddenck of


    trying, I guess he has been prone to scenes like this before, where his father had to steamroll in to


    defend him, and Alexi mentally goes off on a cruise and leaves him to it. I just stand here like an idiot, a


    third wheel and in no way wanting to witness this shit.


    ¡°He¡¯s my son. He has no secrets from me, he never did. Unlike you, he confides in me andes to


    me often!¡± It¡¯s putting her in her ce and any other mother might feel a little appalled, maybe some


    guilt over that, but not her.


    ¡°He¡¯s broken my heart and ruined my dreams of a big white wedding for him. A nice Italian girl with


    morals and a beautiful future with angelic babies. It¡¯s all ruined ¡­ how can I exin her to my friends?¡±


    She sobs unconvincingly, trying to w back some of her stance in the eyes of her master. I have to


    curb the urge to mutter ¡®Oh, give over¡¯ in a sarcastic knee-jerk response.


    ¡°Pretty sure the only thing I ruined is your ability to tell your friends your son is married to a notable,


    worthy female from the churchmunity. Beyond that, my rtionship with Cam is none of your


    business and her past is nobody¡¯s but ours.¡± Alexi snarls her way sarcastically, and I have to stop the


    giggle that threatens to break free at his obvious true statement. He catches my eye and I get a tiny


    little hint of warmth in the look. I badly want to go over and curl up in his arm, but I have a feeling that


    might make her mentally snap. I stand my ground instead.


    ¡°You have no idea what you have done!¡± The little sweet and broken act snaps nastily, and her outburst


    at her son erupts like a speeding bullet once more. The woman is positively nuts. Spitting usations


    at him for ruining her fake as fuck life, she clearly has a screw loose and forgets her family is the


    fucking Mafia.


    ¡°ENOUGH!!¡± Alexi¡¯s father ms his hand on the nearby desk to where he is standing, almost between


    them, eliciting another jump from me and literally kills thest of my nerves. These people have me all


    kinds of a nervous wreck and I need a drink as much as Alexi does. This has gone so much worse than


    I thought it would, by a long shot. I¡¯m visibly trembling while my innards vibrate so heavily, I almost chip


    my teeth. I¡¯m sweaty, mmy, breathless and obsessively ncing at Lexi for a signal as to what I


    should do, but he¡¯s too preupied with holding a ss of booze and trying to focus on that instead.


    He¡¯s out of his depth. Mr in control, who knows how to handle most situations, doesn¡¯t know what to do


    here and I get the feeling he¡¯s lost in his own head struggling to hold on to that famous rage. He¡¯s


    battling himself from not crossing a boundary concerning his mother while his brain wants to defend me


    in the way I know he does. He¡¯s simmering and the waves of rage and energy bounding this way do not


    bode well. I think I¡¯m the one who needs to get him out into the air for a little respite. If he stays here,


    he may consume half the bar and then beat his mother around the head with an empty gin bottle.


    Not that it would be a bad thing.


    ¡°Alexi. Take your wife and go join the family in the greenhouse until Ie down. I need to speak to


    your mother upstairs, alone.¡± It¡¯s a sane, controlled, cool tone,pletely loaded with intimidation, I


    recognise only too well. Guess he too realises his son is fighting a losing battle with himself and can


    sense he needs space. He loves and knows his son well, and I throw him a warm smile to


    communicate my agreement.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    I obediently walk to him and coax him gently to take my hand and follow me. I slide the ss away


    from him andy it down, knowing he has already consumed too much, and he needs to stop.


    He doesn¡¯t argue, falls into obedience like a child beingmanded by a parent and I get to see my


    sweet little boy in the depths, d someone else is taking control. He just nods, pats his father on the


    shoulder as we pass him and follows me out of that room silently. My heart is hammering through my


    chest and Alexi¡¯s tight grip on my fingers trantes just how riled up he really is, even though he isn¡¯t


    showing it dramatically. I can feel it oozing off him in waves because I¡¯m tuned into it.


    When we get out the first door, he walks ahead of me taking control and leading the way. Finding his


    head, I guess and reverting tomander of all things. He says nothing.


    I wait until he leads me through an airy sitting room to a set of huge ss patio doors and out into a


    massive, gorgeous garden before I break the silence.


    At the far end of a hugewn, I see people milling around an open ss building that is keeping them


    warm in this cooler weather, sets of tables and lots of children running in the manicured grounds with


    various garden toys, balls and hoops. Looking a lot like a picture postcard for rich happy families on


    this unusually bright day.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I just couldn¡¯t help myself. Are you really mad at me?¡± I whisper meekly as we fall into a slow


    casual step to make our way across the garden. Looking up at that face and worrying that we are


    heading for an almighty fight ourselves, but Alexi just blows out some air and grimaces, shaking his


    head and fixing a look on me that trantes frustration and simmering anger that he is trying to expel.


    ¡°No baby. You reacted exactly as you always do. One of the reasons I love you is that sassy mouth and


    take no shit attitude. I¡¯m amazed my mother didn¡¯t choke to death swallowing that mouthful you threw


    at her. Fuck her. She deserved that and more for what she said about you.¡± He leans into me to throw a


    quick kiss my lips, almost tripping me up in the process and removes his hand from mine tosso an


    arm around me instead. Pulling me in against him and hugging me in a way that tells me he needs it.


    My touch is a balm for him and he¡¯s aching all over from that ugly scene. I can¡¯t imagine how


    emotionally traumatic that was for him and the aggressive nature in which he squeezes me tells me he


    is far from getting it out yet. He¡¯s wound up, inwardly agitated.


    ¡°To be fair, I only got the English bits, but I can imagine it was along the same lines of what she did let


    me understand.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,mon, cheap, whore, unworthy, foreigner, gold digger, manipting devious tramp ¡­ you get


    the gist.¡± He frowns and throws a dark look over his shoulder back at the house, anger obviously


    stirring in the pits of that mind, but I¡¯m piqued by one word.


    ¡°Cheap? Fucking cheap? Are you kidding me? This dress probably cost more than her entire fucking


    outfit. I have expensive tastes and a lot of ss. How dare she call me fucking cheap. Goddamn bitch!¡±


    My free hand goes to my hip with attitude, stopping us mid-walk to pout and rage over that tiny detail,


    and Alexi bursts outughing. Unexpectedly cute and it seems to even surprise him.


    ¡°In all that, cheap is the only one which bothers you?¡± He looks at me like I¡¯ve lost the plot, slowly


    losing the heavy weight from his shoulders, and that furrowed brow straightens out to a happier


    expression.


    ¡°Well, I can¡¯t really argue with the rest, can I? I meanmon ¡­¡± I tick it off on one finger with my


    other hand.


    ¡°Whore. Unworthy. Foreigner¡ªsort of. Gold digger ¡­ well, it was my original intention many moons


    ago, and I have been known to exploit a few rich men. Manipting devious tramp sounds like a pretty


    urate summary of my skills. Tick, tick, tick.¡± I motion and wave my fingers around and he just


    shakes his head at me again, a smile widening across his face before he pulls me back to him and


    wraps his arms around my waist so we¡¯re facing each other. Snuggling me close, bringing him back out


    of orbit so easily.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. None of them applies to my wife. She¡¯s a perfect angel who


    can do no wrong in my eyes.¡± Humour and affection are back, and the tension finally seems to leave


    his body in one fell swoop. Nosing me with his and getting all smoochy and sweet, a massive


    turnaround to moments ago, and I realise that maybe I¡¯m the stress reliever for him nowadays. All tied


    up in one package. Sex, love, tenderness. Everything he needs to let off steam rapidly.


    He kisses me firmly for a few seconds and I can sense thest traces of his anger ebbing away through


    me. The way he tightens his hold and kisses me chastely but with intent and inhales my perfume


    before letting me loose again. Almost like an exhale to let it all go.


    The worst is over. She knows; there was drama and now it¡¯s done. Anything else, well, can¡¯t be worse


    than that, and we can leave now his father knows.


    ¡°Hmm. Now I know you¡¯re talking shit.¡± I press him on the nose in a little bop way with my finger and


    curl up in his arm when he turns me so we can walk again. Heading to that little picture-perfect group of


    people who haven¡¯t noticed us yet and are oblivious to what just went down.


    I can see Alessandra in the distance dressed in a very conservative summer dress for her, toned-down


    hair and makeup, looking very Stepford wife. Seems like impressing Mother Carrero is the aim of the


    game and all I can see is people dressed in Sunday best, looking groomed and proper while I¡¯m


    rocking up in slutty shoes and a tight dress that leaves very little about my body shape to the


    imagination. Its only redeeming quality is that it¡¯s knee-length and high cut across my bust.


    I guess it¡¯s why she so quickly picked up what a dirty, unworthy slut I was.


    Walking on grass is killing my shoes though and I stop to kick them off when Alexi¡¯s cell phone starts


    ringing. He too stops to hold my arm and give me bnce while he answers it, waiting patiently for me.


    ¡°What¡¯s up Mico?¡± He listens quietly, nodding for what seems like an age while I pick up my shoes, feet


    sinking into the cool grassy surface rather deliciously and dangle them in one hand by the back of the


    trademark red heels.


    ¡°Tomorrow morning, what time?¡± Business tone engaged; Mr Mafia Kingpin resumed. Whatever Mico is


    saying has Alexi forgetting our current dilemma and taking on hismander and chief persona. He


    looks at his watch, letting go of my arm and nods us onward towards the lunch party now I¡¯m barefoot. I


    start walking, feeling the slightly damp grass between my toes and listen to him continue his


    conversation.


    ¡°So, who will be there? And does my father know, I haven¡¯t had a chance to talk to him yet.¡±


    When we are almost upon our group, he catches my wrist quickly and holds me back from walking the


    last few feet. No one is looking this way, and he waits while he finishes his call, obviously not wanting


    anyone eavesdropping.


    ¡°We¡¯ll get a flight tonight and get back to Manhattan for it. Finally, an end to this bullshit. The nerve of


    the woman. I¡¯ll talk to my father before I leave here and figure out the best way to proceed.¡± He sounds


    clipped and a tad agitated once more, and I can guess which woman he is talking about. I haven¡¯t


    forgotten about her.


    Ice my fingers through the hand he is holding me with and use my other hand to wrap ours together


    snugly, dropping my shoes at my feet, suddenly feeling insecure with the mention of that Marianne


    bitch and needing his touch. I use my toes to draw patterns in the grass as I wait for him, so I¡¯m not


    staring his way and making my upset obvious while lightly swinging his arm with me from side to side.


    Alexi¡¯s eyes are on me, watching me amuse myself, his expression softening slightly as he follows my


    movements.


    ¡°Yeah. Do that. You know the drill, and I will call you after I speak to my dad. Set it up. I¡¯ll sort flights


    when I get off the phone.¡± Alexi lifts our joined hands up and looks at the way I have threaded both sets


    of my fingers in his one hand with an adoring smile before pulling me over firmly and nting a kiss on


    my lips softly. A smile and a look that says, ¡®you¡¯re the cutest¡¯.


    ¡°Yeah Sure. Soon, okay. Bye. See you tonight.¡± He hangs up on Mico and stares at me for a good ten


    seconds with such an odd expression before saying anything.


    ¡°I love you.¡± It¡¯s a sweet, soft promation born of finding me adorable at the moment, and I break into


    a huge smile in return, warm and fluttery butterflies rising inside me with that insane way he just makes


    everything feel perfect.


    ¡°I know you do. I love you too.¡± It¡¯s my turn to lean up on tiptoes and deliver a kiss this time. A pause


    before I get to his mouth and a tilt to the side, teasing him before he loses patience and yanks me the


    last tiny inch to sink a kiss that¡¯s less PG on me. Tongues and passion inducing. Arms sliding around


    me, and he picks me up to embrace me properly. My feet automatically lifting behind me, so we get full-


    on body contact and have ourselves a mini make-out session in full view of whoever looks this way.


    Held up like this he rests me against him when we break, and we just gaze at each other for a moment.


    Completely content when with him this way, lost in that grey gaze as he floors me with a look that never


    ceases to win me over. My heart giddy and mood once again soaring from his attention.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry about your mother and how this has ended up.¡± I truly mean it. I may think she¡¯s a toxic bitch,


    but she¡¯s still his mother, and that scene was ugly, even by my standards. I know it had to have hurt


    him, and even though he seems fine now, he will simmer for a while yet.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care anymore.¡± Alexi slides me down onto my feet and keeps me close, tracing his fingers


    across my cheek and then my bottom lip before brushing my hair back from my face and kissing me on


    the forehead affectionately.


    ¡°Yes, you do.¡± I nudge him lightly, a half smile and rest my head against him. I know him better than he


    thinks, and this is obviously getting to him.


    ¡°I spent my life believing no one could ever love me the way you do because of her. She drummed it


    into my head that I was a monster, sick and twisted, wed, and nothing but a source of pain and


    disappointment for her. You know what ¡­ she doesn¡¯t know you and yet I saw that same venom in


    there she always aimed at me. My mother is wrong. I have people who care about me and love me,


    and I don¡¯t need her approval or her love anymore. I have you now. I never had it and nothing I do will


    ever earn it. I would rather be happy with you than bend over backwards to earn her twisted version.


    Leave her to my siblings, they fare better than I do, and she will never understand what we have.¡± He


    gazes off towards the people and looks far away and wistful for a second. Losing himself in his


    thoughts and I squeeze him tight.


    ¡°We are both products of shitty mothers, guess that¡¯s why we fit. We get it. We understand the mess it


    made us,¡± I state, watching those grey eyes set on his family as they all chatter andugh and watch


    their kids y.


    ¡°If I was that bad, that unlovable, I wouldn¡¯t have found you. You are worth more than fifty of her, any


    day of the week. That¡¯s all I need. Like I said, fuck her. I had to grow up sometime and realise my


    mother isn¡¯t all that.¡± Hees back to me with onest soft smile and releases me once more, hand


    coming out to take mine and he finally pulls me towards the others. Leaving the drama in the house as


    he obviously wants to see these people ahead of us, all smiling and looking warm and weing.


    Typical Carreros.


    ¡°Yeah, fuck her. Fuck my mother too. We are the ones who deserved better. Not them. Look at us ¡­


    the unlovable found something amazing, so we can¡¯t be all that bad.¡± I smile up at him and get that one


    thousand-watt Hollywood grin right back. A kiss to my temple as we walk together, and I know I¡¯m


    exactly where I should always be¡ªby his side.


    For the first time in my life, I actually mean it. I know what I endured in my life at her hands was never


    my fault, and I won¡¯t live my life continuing to live in the shadows of the cruel things she made me


    believe about myself anymore.


    Alexi has shown me that I am worthy. I am lovable, and I deserve my own happy ever after with a man I


    can trust. Even if he was probably the worst candidate at the start of this crazy journey. He deserves it


    too, and he is more than worthy of my entire heart and soul.


    When we get to the table Gino spots us from further into the garden where he is kicking about a ball


    with some very small humans. It takes only minutes to be enveloped by the group and introductions are


    quickly made from people with a severe obsession with cheek kissing and bear hugs. I¡¯m introduced


    rather proudly as Alexi¡¯s new wife, and, of course, a lot of mock shock and outrage at missing the


    wedding ensues.


    It¡¯s a flurry of people for a solid ten minutes as the news spreads that yes, themitment-phobic,


    womanising cousin has, in fact, got himself hitched. I must be some sort of goddess, angel, a saint with


    patience, yadda yadda. I endure a lot of jokes at his expense but it¡¯s all in good form, and it¡¯s obvious


    these people are truly happy for their ck sheep of the family cousin. Alexi takes it all in his stride with


    a smile, and his mood from his mother¡¯s behaviour flitters away on the breeze as quickly as mine does.


    They have infectious happiness that sucks you in and makes you forget your dark clouds.


    I don¡¯t feelpletelyfortable surrounded by all these touchy-feely, overly nice people but it


    doesn¡¯t take long to rx enough in his arm to sit and pick at the cold buffet that¡¯sid out for lunch in


    this huge greenhouse. Not that I would call it that, as there are barely any nts and it¡¯s more of a


    social building filled with seating and tables. I would hazard his mother hasn¡¯t got much of a green


    thumb and uses this for functions and lunches with her church-going friends. I wonder if she had it built


    to keep up with the neighbours and then failed miserably at any botanical raising.


    Before long, his parents appear in the distance and make their way towards us, noticeably apart and


    stiff in posture. His mother has a pinched pped expression on a face that looks like it¡¯s been sucking


    lemons for thest half hour of her absence. She has clearly had a major dressing down and Alexi¡¯s


    father approaches us with a smile and a handshake, looking much happier than she does. I can¡¯t help


    the little smug uprising in my belly when I paste on my gracious smile and aim it at the sour bitch. Her


    strained mirroring smile and overly polite behaviour signal a woman who is seething inside.


    I hope it chokes her.


    She knows how to y the game though and nods our way begrudgingly. Alexi looks away, avoiding


    her eye contact and smooths his shirt down trying to distract himself. Her husband makes a beeline


    right for us, no longer in his full suit and tie but now, like Alexi, in shirt and trousers, while she hangs


    back and tries not to re. Appearing busy with her guests while side watching us coldly. You can feel


    the hostility and poor Lexi continues to ignore her, breaking my heart for him even more. I personally,


    don¡¯t give a toss about the crotchety old tart.


    ¡°Alexi, finally. Congrattion my boy. I¡¯m thrilled to find you¡¯ve finally put this poor girl out of her misery


    and made her one of us.¡± He shakes his son''s hand heartily, smiling widely with genuine warmth on


    that normally serious face, before pulling him to his feet for a manly hug and a lot of back-pping. It¡¯s


    weird to see Alexi so physical with someone, but I guess that gentler touchy side had toe from one


    parent at least. I guess Daddy is affectionate, and the intimacy I get from my husband stems from


    having some real love and warmth from someone in his childhood.


    Alexi says nothing, just smiles in that subtle way of his, pleased with himself and not overly verbal. He


    pulls me to my feet gently so his dad can hug me too. Somewhat awkwardly as I never know how to


    take genuine human interaction like this, especially not with men.


    It¡¯s weird, the embrace and the pat on the back, very Alexi like and when he steps back, he kisses me


    on the cheek. I blush stupidly, for no reason other than it feels strange to be greeted and epted this


    way. A paternal greeting rather than the sleazy ¡®let me fuck you¡¯ that I get from most men. It knocks me


    off a little and I revert to a gawky child with no grace in her movements and a sudden urge to fidget and


    stand oddly.


    ¡°Wee to the family Cami. I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t see my son get hitched, but I want you to know I¡¯m


    very proud of him for his excellent choice. Ady to tame my wild child is just what he needs.¡± There¡¯s a


    low chuckle from him and Alexi shakes his head, his expression hard to gauge but I think it¡¯s


    amusement. He¡¯s aware of his mother¡¯s presence and I can tell it¡¯s making him keep that aloof and cool


    mask he wears so well. I smile warmly at that little statement though.


    ¡°I think the only wild one in this rtionship, is mydy.¡± He points out with a smirk that earns him an


    elbow nudge, and he pulls me into the crook of his arm once more. My favourite ce to be and


    snuggle into familiar and safe which instantly chills me out.


    If I could, I would be glued to this man¡¯s body twenty-four seven.


    ¡°I think you bnce each other out when you¡¯re not causing mayhem and chaos. It will be an


    interesting marriage for sure, never dull when you pair two fiery, passionate souls. I envy you.¡± He


    winks at me, heavy truth in his observation and pats his son on the shoulder as he nods to the figure of


    Alexi¡¯s mother, who¡¯s now padding off towards her other guests. Making a great show of removing us


    from her presence, and I bet it doesn¡¯t go unnoticed among the others. His father leans in, lowers his


    tone and with a scarily Alexi, serious deadpan voice, utters words for our ears only.


    ¡°She won¡¯t say another word about your union, and you are both wee in our home whenever you


    wish.¡± It¡¯s followed with a grim apologetic smile, a softening of his face that somehow makes my


    stomach flip over and my throat ache. I guess a lot of feelings are stirring in the depths and I¡¯m not


    entirely sure it¡¯s for me. I think it¡¯s for Alexi and what he must be feeling right now. Knowing his mother


    would banish him for good for simply falling in love.


    Makes me sick.


    ¡°Good. I think it¡¯s finallye to the point where mother and I should just avoid each other for the sake


    of the family. If she can¡¯t ept my wife, then I¡¯m done trying.¡± Alexi adds a little forcefully, that hint of


    stubborn him in the husky growl and his father sighs. I blink his way, uncertain if he means his words


    when I know how much he yearns for her approval deep down.


    ¡°Give her time. She will get over the fact she couldn¡¯t force your hand or choose your marriage partner.


    You know how she is when things do not go her way. She is obsessed with appearances.¡±


    Oh yes, I can imagine. I live with her son who has the same charming disposition and equally stubborn


    vile streak.


    ¡°We aren¡¯t staying. I need to talk to you about somethingter this evening when the family have gone.


    We need to be in the city for an early meeting with Giuseppe, so I cane back when everyone


    leaves.¡± Good old business tone back on and Alexi is closed up tighter than a vacuum sealed package


    once more.


    Alexi¡¯s father frowns and I too turn and look at him sharply, instantly winded by this revtion. I¡¯m


    guessing that¡¯s what his call with Mico was all about. I¡¯d just assumed it was some sort of meeting


    about her. Now my head is spinning and reeling with the fact he is going to sit down with that woman,


    face to face, so soon. No ns in ce.


    And do what exactly?


    I throw him a shady questioning look to try to get him to borate but a child runs up and throws


    herself at his legs, killing the conversation t. A noisy bubbly intrusion of a mini person and I step


    away quickly, for fear of being wrinkled or made sticky by the little grabby blonde thing. Itpletely


    distracts me from the conversation as I shield myself from being infected by a child.


    Ugh.


    Alexi automatically bends without hesitation and picks up the little girl, resting her on his hip as he


    continues to talk to his father, but Ipletely zone out what they are saying and stare at him with a


    semi-shocked gawp. Not really seeing the easy fluid movement as a reality I ever expected from him. It


    throws me a massive curveball. Fixated suddenly with just how easily he lifted that kid up like it was a


    natural response and he didn¡¯t even flinch or think about it. The guy who hated a stray cat enough to


    think of shooting it and is generally a cold bastard to most people¡ªmale or female!


    I watch them intently. A slow-churning knot of something building inside me that feels a lot like anxiety;


    I bite on my lip and be more unsettled as I watch him with her.


    Alexi bounces her on his hip and then lifts her little ragdoll in her hand up to wave at her while he talks.


    Homed in on his conversation but expertly distracting the little one. Bouncing her until she giggles and


    then he nts a kiss on the little chubby cheek of a child that looks no more than three years old,


    maybe. It was so automatic I don¡¯t even think he realises he did it. He looks way toofortable and at


    ease with little people, and I find itpletely rming. Nausea swirling inside me in disturbing ways


    and my stomach drops to my feet, taking my good mood and sanity with it. I try to stop openly staring,


    but I can¡¯t.


    He just looks so ¡­ paternal.


    ¡°Cam?¡± his voice snaps me out of my weird hazy daydream, and I realise he is both looking at me and


    talking to me. A strained expression and a confused tone as to why I¡¯m nkly gawping like an idiot.


    My face is cold and I¡¯m sure my blood has drained to leave me white as I sheet.


    ¡°What?¡± I flinch and spin my head around to see what or where I¡¯m meant to be paying attention.


    He nods to my left and I realise someone is stood holding something out to me with a bright smile. A


    presence I did not have an inkling was there.


    ¡°I said can you hold her while I nip to thedies¡¯ room?¡± The woman in front of me is one of his cousins,


    all dark hair and green eyes and very much a Carrero DNA candidate, and I blush to the roots of my


    hair. Embarrassed to have been caught off my social game. The thing she is holding out to me is a little


    tiny human baby wrapped in a nket, blinking at me expectedly and I instantly stop breathing.


    I freeze, eyes widening in shocked disbelief that someone would hand me one of these strange things,


    and I make a really poor attempt at trying not to ept the awkward bundle on automatic pilot while my


    brain is screaming a refusal. She¡¯s caught me off guard and there seems to be several pairs of eyes on


    me.


    She doesn¡¯t wait to see if I¡¯m capable of not dropping her offspring on its head. Ignores my hesitation


    and fumbling mumbles and practically tosses it into my arms before sauntering off in search of the loo,


    while I¡¯m left holding this bundled blob of baby smells and noises like a bag of dog poo. I hold it away


    from me, fear of being puked or drooled on, and so awkwardly that Alexi looks immediately distressed.


    I¡¯m barely grasping it in fingertips and its weight pulls it down below my boob level where it was first


    thrust, arms straining with this sudden mass. I catch his rmed fleeting look of shock at my


    mishandling of his rtion and he quickly deposits his own miniature human on her own feet to rescue


    the poor baby from my inexperienced hands.


    ¡°It isn¡¯t a bomb, London. You know it can touch you without causing damage.¡± He bundles it up in his


    arms fluidly, saving its soul, smiling gently, voice oozing with amusement and instantly lookspletely


    at home holding someone else¡¯s mini-me once more. My heart just dissolves into ashes. Standing as


    awkwardly as before only now with the added shell-shocked aura around me.


    ¡°You like kids?¡± I blurt out almost absentmindedly as that internal fear takes over; my hands turn


    mmy and my mouth goes dry as this brand-new information I never once thought of asking him


    before, hits me in the face like a shovel. Kids were never a topic we gravitated to, and now I¡¯m staring


    at him cradling some little smelly thing like it¡¯s the most precious object in the world and my whole


    happiness shes before my eyes.


    I just stare at him cooing and cuddling it, popping a dummy in its mouth like it¡¯s something he does


    every day, and he looks up at me calmly. No hint of anything at all to help me sort out the tidal wave of


    crushing emotioning over me, threatening to drown me with insecurity.


    ¡°I guess. I mean I don¡¯t mind them. I grew up around a constant stream of kids of varying ages, so I


    guess they are just part of life and what I¡¯m used to.¡± He looks back down and nuzzles its tiny little face


    with his nose, creepily cute and gentle for him when it makes a little gurgle, soothing instantly and he


    again rocks it from side to side. Paternal instincts strong and I baulk, panic rising, nausea swirling as


    hysteria starts to hitch.


    He just looks too damn proficient at this baby nonsense and as my eyes scan around me at the happy


    couples and the children of the Carrero family, a picture-perfect scene of what society expects,


    something hits me in the gut with painful precision.


    Maybe he expects kids toe now we¡¯re married and looking at a life together?


    Oh, shit!


    The blood drains from every cell in my upper body, leaving a cold wave in its trail and I sit down so


    suddenly, breathless and instantly lightheaded so it¡¯s a flop rather than a gracious movement. Aware


    suddenly his father has moved on and we are now alone with this bundle between us.


    I never for one second factored children into a life with him. It¡¯s not something we ever brought up or


    talked about or even thought about. It¡¯s never crossed my mind in any way because I made my peace


    with it so long ago.


    If he wants kids, then he can¡¯t have them while married to me. I can¡¯t have children. I don¡¯t want


    children. I never did.


    I feel sick, nausea waving over me, and I fan my face as my entire worldes crashing down on me


    with this one unforeseen detail that could destroy everything. All the visions of our happy future and


    perfect life draining away so cruelly and I realise this was inevitable. It was bing too real, too true,


    and I should have known I never really deserved a happy ever after. That some splinter in our


    rtionship would ease out and infect it all.


    The world would crash, and I would end up back in the gutter, because that is what life decided was for


    me from the day I was born.

 Chapter 185

    Chapter 185


    These are things people figure out before they marry someone, and here we are, already invested and


    now I¡¯m thinking about the fact I should have told him this already.


    Babies! Not a fucking chance in hell.


    He won¡¯t know, unless he did read all my journals, but even then. I wouldn¡¯t say it was obvious from


    those diary excerpts that my inability to have kids was permanent or even a blessing. I went over the


    abortion and such and the after-effects and recovery, but I don¡¯t think I ever spelt it out, in ck and


    white, that my body no longer produces eggs for any chance of fertilisation.


    How do you tell the man cradling a newborn like he was born to do so if that¡¯s where his hopes lie then


    it won¡¯t happen with me?


    How do I tell him that I can¡¯t give him this and wouldn¡¯t want to even if I could?


    Is this what he wants?


    The happy 2.4 children, family home and Carrero expected happily ever after?


    Jesus Christ. Fuck, fuckity, fuck.


    I never thought something so stupid could be the end of us, and now it¡¯s staring me in the face like a


    huge dark hole just about to pull me in and crush me to oblivion. He¡¯s a Carrero and their family is of


    all-consuming importance to them; of course, he would want to carry on his lineage and make a new


    generation of little Alexis. I was so stupid to never even think of this before now. It changes everything.


    I literally lose all strength; limbs turn to jelly and my blood runs icy. It¡¯s hard to take a breath and tears


    prick at my eyes as all I have held onto thest few days turns to dust in my fingers and I can¡¯t hold on


    anymore.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong, you look like you¡¯re on the verge of hyperventting? What is it?¡± Alexi hands off the


    baby to an appearing Alessandra, expertly and smoothly, who instantly coos and mollycoddles the ugly


    little bundle of diaper rash and sleepless nights and I try to blink away the mounting tears. Even she,


    the sexy lingerie model, has more maternal instincts in her pinkie than I have in my whole being. It just


    adds to the devastation of my heart and I can¡¯t even look at him.


    ¡°I¡¯m just ¡­ tired. Heat ¡­ umm ¡­ jetg.¡± I stammer out my excuses but that telltale frown shows he


    knows I¡¯m talking shit. He knows me just as well as I know him, and he is not buying my sudden


    deterioration as anything other than what it seems to him. That I¡¯m upset.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go get some air in the shade.¡± He doesn¡¯t wait for a refusal, bossy mode initiated, he just hoists


    me to my feet sharply by the hand, so I cannot even refuse, and pulls me towards the darkest part of


    the garden behind some huge outbuildings. I stumble as I walk, trying to keep up with his brisk pace,


    and I can feel the tension beginning toe off him in droves as he gets agitated with my sudden


    change of mood. I trip a couple of times now I have my heels back on and they don¡¯t do well with thick


    grass. He stops to pull them off my feet for me, face a picture of seriousness, and without saying a


    word, tosses them aside out of the way so we can leave them here, and continues pulling me after him.


    ¡°Where are you taking me?¡± I watch him warily, questioning as my head does a three thousand miles a


    minute somersault, and I turn into a melting pot of anxiety, devastation and worst oues for our


    forever. It¡¯s all just gone up in a puff of smoke in my brain. My insides are screaming, my heart bleeding


    and I¡¯m dreading the words I know I need to say to him.


    ¡°To be alone, and you are going to tell me why you suddenly look like you¡¯re either going to cry, throw


    up or pass out.¡± It¡¯s a stern statement, that usual emotionless tone but I can tell he¡¯s concerned. My


    face is heating up which means my cheeks are clearly getting some colour back, but I¡¯m trembling, and


    I really don¡¯t feel good at all. I feel like I¡¯m sliding into quicksand and there will be that moment of panic


    as suffocation snubs me out. Standing on a precipice.


    How the hell do I tell him and burst our happy bubble once and for all?


    I cling onto his hand for dear life, almost like it¡¯s myst chance to touch him, even though I know that¡¯s


    stupid. My overthinking, terrified insecure brain going into overdrive. My own worst enemy sometimes


    and I tremble all over.


    He gets us out of sight behind the building, along a tree line and little private path that seems to lead to


    another building, stopping me in the space and turns me so I can lean back against the wall and look at


    him. It¡¯s a secluded private space inplete shadow, with no prying eyes, where we can be


    completely alone. Caught between a huge fence and a building with an overhanging of thick foliage.


    I wonder if this was a known hiding ce for him when he lived here.


    Steadying my trembling body and trying to take a normal breath to inte my painful lungs. I swallow


    hard to curb tears and try to avoid that prating stare as he eats into my soul with a dissecting look.


    I lose all bravado under his scrutiny and sink back, sighing it all out to just crumble under his presence.


    Knowing it wille out, either way, it¡¯s inevitable.


    ¡°Is that what you want? Babies, a family and all the stereotypical life with a wife BS?¡± I gesture back


    towards the path we came, it alles out in a desperate gush, bordering on tears and I literally fall


    apart. My cool,posed act dissolves wholly and I wrap myself up in my own arms, eyes filling as I


    watch him for the devastating answer that¡¯s about to shred my heart to pieces.


    ¡°Do I want babies? Life with wife BS? What has gotten into you?¡± He just sounds dumbfounded and a


    little amused by my question and totally misses the pointpletely. Reaching out to touch my face


    with a gentle hand but I push it away, unable to bear it right now while our future hangs in the bnce.


    ¡°Do you see us having kids? Is that what you nned or hoped for, is that what you need in your happy


    future?¡± This time it¡¯s a low-key wail and the tears threatening to burst forth spill out gently, warmth


    sliding down my cheeks, but Alexi just stares at me as though I have two heads.


    ¡°Why are you bringing this up now? Is this what¡¯s gotten you so upset?¡± It¡¯s not an answer, it¡¯s another


    deflection, and it breaks me. Pathetic woman once more with tears and ridiculous over emotional


    reactions turning into a sodden mess at this guy¡¯s feet. I start to sniff and whimper pathetically.


    ¡°I can¡¯t ¡­ babies are a no, ever. Even if I wanted to keep you by giving you one. I couldn¡¯t. That life,


    that dream will never be a reality if you stick with me, Alexi. I can¡¯t have kids and I don¡¯t even want any


    if I could. There¡¯s no future for us if that¡¯s what you need.¡± It¡¯s blurted out in a trembling mess,


    sttered with sniffs and tears as I get myself all twisted up inside and hysterical, awaiting death by


    divorce. He has no clue how deeply this will destroy me. Losing him now, after everything, will be the


    end of me. My lungspletely dete, and I struggle so hard to catch my breath.


    ¡°Jesus Christ, Cam. You see me cuddle my niece and suddenly, you¡¯re having a meltdown thinking I


    want to knock you up and reproduce. Calm down and take a breath.¡±


    It¡¯s a weird tone I cannot read, and I just blink at him, hopeless at stopping my tears. He seems at a


    loss about whether to touch me or not, his hand hovering and then he straightens up and looks away


    for a second to regain his ownposure. His frown smoothing as he adopts a gentler expression and


    comes back at me. He leans in against the wall, cing a hand over my head so he can get close


    without properly touching me and sighs. Moving in so he¡¯s right against me and it brings me to focus


    rather than my iling erratic crying.


    ¡°I know you can¡¯t have kids. I read your journals. It¡¯s never been an issue, and the reason we haven¡¯t


    talked about this is I figured it was obvious I knew. Even before, we never used protection and yet you


    never asked me why?¡± That soft tone of my gentle lover, the eyes I love caressing me with a


    tenderness he reserves for me when I¡¯m fragile. Low and sultry, calming me with words. I stop dying by


    suffocation and take a quick gasping breath.


    ¡°What?¡± My brain is trying to process and filter what he is saying, and the expression on his overly calm


    face as I wipe at my sodden cheeks, helps me feel slightly less hysterical at his response. I expected


    shock at my revtion but then I am one for jumping two feet first into wrong conclusions.


    It¡¯s obvious he knew all along as he seemspletely unfazed.


    ¡°I have never used condoms with you. You never once queried that. I figured you were on birth control


    at first, hospital tested you as clean but then after ¡­ you never asked so ¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t get what you¡¯re saying.¡± I stutter and stammer at the same time as trying to get myself back to


    calm and normal. I have a vague memory of the hospital asking if I would consent to aplete health


    sweep, which included sexual health, when I was there, and it dawns on me that he probably requested


    it before putting me in his club. Pre-vetting his chances of catching an STD from me back when he


    acted like sex would never happen.


    Dickhead.


    Alexi straightens up, inhales, runs his hands through his hair and fixes me with a very serious


    expression. Slightly agitated and that restless energy peeking through. This is him stressed, now I


    know what it looks like. It sobers me and I just steady myself, looking at his profile.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want kids. Why would I? With my history and my issues, what kind of father would I be? What


    would I pass on and why would I put my kids in danger the way my father did with us? It¡¯s bad enough


    worrying about keeping you safe twenty-four seven, I just couldn¡¯t be a father. I never saw kids in my


    future either and still don¡¯t.¡± He pulls me to him, meeting no rejection from my limp self this time and


    wipes my face gently, removing the traces of tears as I silently gawp at him, really taking in what he is


    saying.


    ¡°Maybe right now you feel that way, but what if one day ¡­¡± I start again, brain doing what she always


    does, picking everything apart to mess me up more than I am already. That infernal deep-rooted


    insecurity that I will never truly deserve happiness.


    ¡°I had a vasectomy ten years ago, Cam.¡± It¡¯s a straight-faced, factual statement, and he throws it out


    there between us with a thud.


    Bam!


    ¡°Huh?¡± I really do gawp like a goldfish this time, mouth widening and just blink like a weirdo. All hysteria


    pped silent and his words are like an icy bucket of water on a very small fire. I just sizzle to nothing.


    ¡°Why?¡± I¡¯m not sure I know how to react.


    ¡°For all the reasons I just told you, and to make sure a one-night fuck didn¡¯te back at me with an


    unwanted pregnancy. Women are devious and things can fail.¡±


    We both stand there for a moment letting this sit between us in the cool air of the shade. A silent, tense


    moment as my brain processes this and he waits on me to catch up, hand still tracing gentle lines on


    my cheek as he soothes me and dries my face.


    Alexi made sure he would never reproduce, on purpose. That stubborn calcting head, ten years ago


    now, decided that kids would be a never. I know him. He doesn¡¯t make decisions lightly when they are


    this serious, and his expression tells me he doesn¡¯t regret it one bit.


    He truly was made for me in every way.


    I lose all doubt, my sadness and panic dispersing as though all this was nothing.


    After a long moment, I slide my other hand into his and rx a little when he tangles our fingers


    together snugly. Believing him, feeling reassured by what he¡¯s told me. Inhaling slowly to self-calm and


    locking eyes on his to gauge if he is being one hundred percent honest with me.


    ¡°I thought they were reversible, so one day you might decide ¡­¡± It¡¯s an unsteady, trembling whisper. I


    just need to be a hundred percent certain this won¡¯te back to bite me.


    ¡°Nope. Not a chance. I never want kids. I made that decision a long time ago and even marrying you


    hasn¡¯t changed my mind on that. I don¡¯t need kids when my family produce babies every few months,


    there are always kids to borrow and hand back at family lunches. It¡¯s a moot subject and always will


    be.¡±


    That stubborn,mander and chief and his word isw. This time I get a tiny smile from him, a hint at


    humour, and I shake my head trying to take it in and remove all doubts and fears slowly. My nerves


    returning to calm and I¡¯m left drained and emotional from my ten-minute meltdown.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like babies or small people. I don¡¯t want to borrow any in the first ce.¡± I shake my head in


    disgust, the thought of baby vomit and dirty diapers are a no for me, and I guess I want no more


    illusions or misunderstandings on this front. Confident in our love once more and finding my stability


    again as my voice returns to normal. Disaster averted.


    ¡°I can live with that. Babies kind of kill the Mafia boss street cred, anyway.¡± He smiles properly this time,


    a warm chuckle that melts me to my core and makes it all okay again. He pushes me back against the


    wall a tad forcefully, so he can lean in to rest his nose against mine andpletely cages me in with


    his body, so I¡¯m cocooned in all that is him. He trails another soft stroke down my cheek, igniting tingles


    and fireworks inside me andpletely calms me, finally, eyes locked and air filled with his scent.


    ¡°It¡¯s more fun making the baby than having one, in my opinion. We get all the perks with no chance of


    disaster.¡± It¡¯s a grin, dimples and all, and this time I giggle through the watery mess I made of myself.


    ¡°Now on that, I agree. Maybe we can just go home and get right to that instead of this little shindig.¡± I


    need that sort of pick me up after this stupid meltdown.


    ¡°That¡¯s a good idea. I think we are more than done here and some time alone will put this to bed. I


    need to make some calls and sort some shit out too. Let¡¯s get out of here.¡± Alexi leans in and kisses me


    into submission, hands skimming my curves as he raises my body heat with tongue and tonsil action


    before pulling away, leaving me breathless. My body peaks up faster than normal considering he left


    me unfulfilled from our earlier rendezvous and the emotional wailing is reced by the horny moaning


    of a girl in desperate need of sex. Almost like flipping a switch.


    ¡°Can I tell your mother we¡¯re leaving, to go shag and have some more dirty whore sex?¡¯ I twinkle a


    mischievous smile his way wickedly, and he shakes his head at me, that sexy smile spreading across


    that wless set of pearly whites.


    ¡°I think you and my mother should be kept apart indefinitely. For my sake more than anyone. I¡¯ll say our


    goodbyes while you take off your underwear and get warmed up. I¡¯ll get us out of here faster if all I can


    think about is yourck of panties under that dress.¡± Another quick kiss and a fondle between my thighs


    have me nodding in utter submission. Body fully ignited when his warm hand teases me into full-blown


    cravings.


    ¡°Naughty boy,¡± I whisper seductively leaning up to suck on his bottom lip and deliver a little nibble as I


    do so, pulling an equally seductive groan from him, turning to putty in my expert hands. I push him back


    aggressively and lean over to remove my thong sexily, slowly and deliberately, aware of his eyes


    trailing my hands as I do so and putting on a show, leaving it to slide down thest length of one ankle


    before lifting my foot and pressing it to his groin firmly. Hooked like a little offering on my manicured


    toe.


    ¡°Little present for you. Something to keep you cosy until we get home and I can rece it with


    something warmer.¡± I rub my foot up and down his crotch, feeling out the growing bulge, satisfied with


    the hardness I feel forming before he lifts my foot off and slides the nude colouredce off thest


    inches and puts them inside his jacket pocket. Eyes on me, steadily eating into me as he pictures me


    out of this dress, no doubt. Lust evident on him as it is on me and it gives me a huge sense of power


    knowing I have this much of an effect on him.


    ¡°What am I going to do with you?¡± He smirks, and that sexy gleam of horniness in his eye tells me


    exactly what he intends to do with me when we get back. It excites me on so many levels I can almost


    taste the desire growing thick inside me. I have ns of my own too, something that has been at the


    back of my mind thest few days, niggling away. A detail I have been pondering as we grow closer.


    Something he will like and will be a huge leap of faith and trust for me.


    I want to make him happy, and I know how to do it. More so now that this little issue has been brought


    to the forefront and made me feel insecure for all of ten minutes. Alexi is about to be a contented


    little husband with a wife who is willing to meet all his needs.


    Alexi leads the way from the garden, scooping up my shoes as we pass and splits away from me to jog


    over and tell his family we are leaving. I idle by the path at this far edge and pull my shoes on as I wait


    for him. Watching him with a strange contentment stilling my nerves as various family members hug


    and kiss him. Looking so at home with them and much more rxed than when we arrived. My stupid


    tears have stopped, and I just feel in great need of being naked and joined to him to wipe away my


    dumb insecurity.


    I note his father giving him a goodbye hug thatsts longer than anyone else, but his mother is


    nowhere to be seen. I shrug it off, wondering if she has returned to her basement to go throw some bat


    wings in her cauldron. Maybe gone to stuff more decapitated heads for her secret collection. Bet she


    has a whole cupboard of voodoo dolls stashed away with Alexi¡¯s face on. I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll get added now.


    Alexies back to me as I get to the edge of thewn, wandering slowly so he could catch up and


    slides a hand in mine, throwing me a handsome smile and a quick kiss to my cheek before we


    continue. It pulls a happy smile from me and I thank my stars he is who he is, and no longer that


    bastard I fell in love with months ago. He has surpassed all I thought he could be in every way.


    ¡°Ready, sexy? I can¡¯t wait to get you home. These bad boys are burning a hole in my pocket.¡± He pats


    the chest of his leather jacket where my underwear nestles, and I grin at him.


    ¡°Let¡¯s not do this again in a hurry. I now see why you rarely venture home.¡± I point out and get a smile


    and a shrug from him which signals both ¡®let¡¯s drop it¡¯ and ¡®yeah, I agree¡¯. My poor lost boy and his


    mother issues. Something I need to work on with him so he can learn to cut that bitch¡¯s hold on him


    and set it loose. I took a long time to do the same with my sad excuse of a mother, but he will be free to


    smile more when that ck cloud stops raining on his parade every day.


    ¡°My mother is inside greeting some new arrivals so if we use the side door, we might just avoid her


    altogether.¡± It¡¯s a tense tone, his agitation swirling again, and I guess it won¡¯t be a bad thing to swerve


    herpletely. For his sanity and to avoid any ugliness in the absence of his father. He is obviously


    eager to get out of here and worried about another scene.


    I don¡¯t doubt that she might get nasty if we run into her without him once again. She seems like a snide


    maniptive bitch who would be that underhanded.


    Alexi leads me through patio doors into arge kitchen that is nestled to one side, and the house


    suddenly seems gloomy and silentpared to the outside sun and noise of babbling people. Eerily


    so. We walk across to the main door on a cold tiled floor, which is nked by a couple of doors inside


    the kitchen that seempletely out of ce. We are almost at the exit when we catch the sound of


    his mother¡¯s voice drifting this way anding closer.


    ¡°Come to the kitchen with me and I will make you a coffee before we head out.¡± Her shrill, Italian


    ented tone grating on me instantly.


    Alexi flicks a look my way before changing route and hauls me into the door to the left, pulling me in


    fast and closing it as quietly as he can. So swift he almost knocks me off my feet and my heels barely


    touch the floor. We are suddenly encased in a dark room with no windows whatsoever, and I can¡¯t tell if


    he just locked us in arder. I can¡¯t see shit.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± I whisper hoarsely, grabbing onto him in the dark while my eyes adjust and he


    ushers me further in, bodily pushing me into the dark depths away from the door so she can¡¯t hear us.


    ¡°Taking you on a detour to get by her. This is her study, there¡¯s another door over the other side to the


    hall entry. We can leave that way.¡±


    Alexi¡¯s warm hands smooth around my shoulders and then to my waist as he feels me out to guide me


    and then curses loudly as he stubs his foot on something as we try to navigate in the dark. A grind of


    furniture on the wood floor as something heavy shifts with the impact of him.


    ¡°Shh,¡± I remind him, ncing back to where we came just in case she hears us, but theck of her


    voice out there suggests the doors are thicker than they look, and sound doesn¡¯t travel far.


    He lets me go and I¡¯m blinded by a sudden invasion of light as he switches on a deskmp, and I


    realise I was walking right into a love seat in front of me. Another step and I would have been sprawled


    on top of it.


    ¡°She¡¯s moved the furniture around.¡± Alexi points out before leaning down to rub his shin and I guess he


    got attacked by the arm of the same chair. It would have been a noisy topple with both of us colliding


    had he not found the light.


    I blink around at the tiny room and immediately see something tantly obvious.


    The starchy cold neutral d¨¦cor thatcks character and a dozen family portraits hung around the wall


    with one member missing in them all¡ªAlexi.


    Could she be any more pathetic?


    It enrages me instantly, my blood simmering to a boil so fast my cheeks flush with heat and I have the


    sudden urge to stab her smug face in the portrait over her desk with anything sharp I can find.


    I scan the room, taking in the clear desk with only a leather desk pad on view, everything clean and


    orderly, minimal d¨¦cor, even theck of trinkets and books on the shelves dotted around. There¡¯s not


    even a telephone or aptop on the surface of her overly expensive desk. The whole room is devoid of


    personality, much like her, and her dislike of her child is pretty fucking evident.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t look around, just scoops my hand up and leads me to a door on the far wall to get us out


    of here. Head intent on leaving. I have the urge to stop and pee in her huge ficus nt by the door as


    we leave, just to leave her a little unknown hate message.


    ¡°Fuck. It¡¯s locked,¡± Alexi mutters as he tries the handle ahead of me then scoops to look around and


    possibly find a key or something to get it open. I¡¯m sure someone like him isn''t against lock picking and


    I wonder if he is looking for something to do that with.


    ¡°So, what now?¡± I get bored after watching him rummage in a nearby unit for thirty seconds as he


    exhales heavily. Obviously annoyed that we¡¯re trapped too.


    ¡°She said coffee, right? That will take minutes at the most, so we wait and head out when she¡¯s gone.


    We just need to listen by the door for the all clear.¡± He straightens up and gives me an apologetic half


    smile that doesn¡¯t reach his eyes, and I blow out air in frustration.


    ¡°I feel like a teenager hiding from a scalding.¡± I point out and Alexi crumples up his face adoringly and


    shrugs my way.


    ¡°We are technically doing just that.¡±


    He makes me giggle and I immediately cover my mouth to hush myself up as he walks back to the door


    we came through, presses his ear to it and bes instantly still and silent. He exhales and wanders


    back to me with an unamused look on that chiselled face.


    ¡°They are in there chatting away so shouldn¡¯t be long. She likes to make fresh coffee for arrivals.¡±


    Yet, she didn¡¯t for us!


    He walks to the desk and plonks his butt on the edge and just gazes at me. Not at all impressed with


    the predicament we are in, and I know my knickers in his pocket will be reminding him of what is being


    dyed. He¡¯s not a patient guy at all and dying sex for something like this is putting him in a sour


    mood. I reckon this house, her, and all of today is something he just wants rid of so we can go back to


    our carefree lounging in bed again and forget all this shit. I want to go back to the city and back to his


    apartment and forget everything for a few days. I feel like we need some downtime to hibernate


    together. So much has happened in such a short time and my head is still reeling from it all.


    ¡°You know ¡­ we can amuse ourselves as long as we¡¯re quiet.¡± I point out and wander over to him to


    slide my hands up his abdomen and under his jacket to feel out those delicious pecks and that


    washboard stomach. Fed up with waiting when he is over here looking crazily fuckable with just a hint


    of broken little boy. That look always gets me needing so badly to save him.


    ¡°Hmm.¡± He doesn¡¯t sound convinced, so I nudge myself up against him, forcing his legs apart to


    amodate me and aim straight for the jugr. Pressing my body to his and snuggling up close so I


    can both feel him up and feel him against me. I cover his tanned throat with gentle teasing kisses as


    my hands smooth down that bulky body and run over the waist of his trousers heading for their prime


    target.


    Alexi catches my wrists and pulls away to look me in the eye. Stopping my slow easy groping with a


    look that says, ¡®not here¡¯.


    ¡°This is my mother¡¯s study. It¡¯s disrespectful in many ways. We should just wait and put this on the back


    burner until we get back to the house.¡± His words say one thing but the look on his face and the way his


    eyes lock on my mouth say another. Alexi is stirring with untamed lust too.


    ¡°Only if we get caught.¡± I smile wickedly and aim for his mouth, leaning in further to nt a kiss on him.


    Much like his power over me, Alexi rxes into my kiss and parts his lips to let me get my tongue


    inside that mouth. Tracing my tongue over his, intoxicated with the delicious taste of him and pushing


    him into a passionate make-out session. As soon as his hands loosen, I wriggle mine free and go


    straight to unbuttoning his trousers. Not backing down that easily. He¡¯s not the only one who can


    seduce into submission, and he needs to learn we both have skills for doing it.


    ¡°Cam!¡± Alexi warns, pulling away from my lips and again attempts to stop me by catching my hands,


    and this time he brings them up to his face to lightly kiss my knuckles apologetically. Indecision


    flickering over that face and I lean past him and flick themp off.


    ¡°Maybe with no lights you might feel less inclined to remember where we are. It¡¯s just a room, and we


    never got to finish what you started on your desk at the club. I¡¯ve had crazy, horny fantasies about you


    fucking me on a desk since then.¡± I point out, licking my lips before going back to administering kisses


    and nibbles across his throat. Undeterred because he isn¡¯t pushing me away from him despite stilling


    my hands. Alexi is wavering between no sex because this is Mummy¡¯s room and full-blown desk sex


    because he wants it.


    He¡¯s infuriating me with hisck of getting involved, but I¡¯m not easily swayed. A part of me wants to


    defile this room with him, just because the bitch has excluded him in every way and no way deserves


    his respect. She makes him miserable and singles him out as something broken. Fucking him on her


    desk will give me great pleasure imagining her sitting here topose whatever holier than thou


    correspondence she fills her mundane life with, right where her son nailed me. In my immature brain, it


    seems like the ideal way to deliver juvenile payback.


    Alexi allows my kisses and slowly runs his hand up my thigh to my waist before pushing me away


    again gently, just enough to bring my face back to his and stop my serious heavy petting. I sigh again


    loudly.


    ¡°It¡¯s wrong ¡­¡± he starts, looking so young and unsure. I don¡¯t like it. It¡¯s not who he is, and she has so


    much to answer for.


    ¡°Shh. What¡¯s wrong in screwing your wife? No one will find out; it can be our naughty little secret,¡± I


    point out, cutting off his verbal rejections and slide right back in. His body is telling me he is getting


    turned on and thinking about it, but his mind is putting that prick of a woman at the forefront and


    probably chastising him for always disappointing her. I can feel his erection growing against my pelvis


    and the way his hands are itching to roam my body. His kiss alone tells me he¡¯s hornier than hell.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that.¡± Alexi sounds forlorn and utterly deted and I step back, and even though he can¡¯t see


    me, I frown at him harshly. Disappointed in the hold she has over him and a little pissed that of all


    people, I can¡¯t break it. I¡¯m meant to be his queen and I should have way more sway than her. I at least


    deserve his respect and care, she does not.


    ¡°Fine, if you won¡¯t fuck me then I will just amuse myself, get off the desk I want to sit there.¡± I shove him


    yfully and smile when he obeys and moves, pushing past and feeling my way out to get to the edge,


    turn and slide myself onto it. His hand stays on my shoulder so he can feel where I am, and hees


    back to me. Standing so close I can feel the electric sizzle in the air around us. Supercharged sexually


    and still inhaling that favourite scent of his. My insides turning themselves inside out with the need to


    have sex, now he has me all antsy and turned on.


    ¡°If you won¡¯t y with me, maybe I will just y with myself. I¡¯m knickerless and horny. Turn on the light


    and watch if you want.¡± I utter seductively, emphasising my words with a huskier tone and slight


    purring. Knowing how to push my king¡¯s buttons.


    Undeterred with theck of response as he mulls it over, I switch on the light anyway, smiling at his


    heavy hooded gaze that is fixed on me like a panther waiting to devour his kill. It¡¯s exactly what I was


    hoping for.


    I turn and slide my hands down over my breasts and down my dress, edging it up when I get to the


    hem so I can have full ess to the little disy I¡¯m about to put on for him. I¡¯m not shy about


    masturbating; I reckon it will change his mind pronto.


    I wiggle and slide until it¡¯s high enough to expose all I have and then lean back on one arm and slowly


    lower myself to lie across her desk, lifting my feet to the edge so he gets a full view. Legs akimbo,dy


    parts taking centre stage and I prepare to finger fuck myself until he joins in.


    Alexi doesn¡¯t wait to see if I will go ahead and self-pleasure; like a dog in heat, he¡¯s on me in a second,


    lust taking over and pulls my body to the edge of the desk to butt his groin against my naked genitals. A


    little aggressive tug that bounces me against him and I elicit a happy giggle with the sudden change in


    him. He leans over me to capture me in a kiss that sends us into a frenzied passion and seals his fate.


    Alexi wants what I¡¯m offering, and he justmitted.


    Content is property of N?velDrama.Org.


    Screw you, Mummy Carrero. Your naughty boy is going to christen your desk, and I may leave my


    thong in the drawer as thanks.

 Chapter 186

    Chapter 186


    Teeth, tongues, lips,ing together of a rather aggressive game of tonsil tennis as his hands slide up


    my body and I wrap my legs around his waist. Moaning quietly with the way he ignites every nerve


    ending in me. Body tingling and on fire within seconds as I rub myself against the button and rough zip


    on his trousers, pushing myself into a fevered frenzy of longing.


    There is no real forey, just a sudden need to consummate our passion right here and now and I


    reach down and unbutton him so he can spring free from the confines of fabric. Alexi feels me out,


    probing my warmth with his fingers, finding me wet and willing and doesn¡¯t waste time on formalities.


    He slides into me soon as he leans back over me and presses down on me as he does so, so our


    bodies fit snugly and muffle my moans of pleasure as they overtake me. Snug as a hand in a glove, he


    fills me up in the best kind of way, spreading that pulsating, gorgeously good feeling up through my


    pelvis and into my abdomen as he starts fucking me on his mother¡¯s desk. My wild one unleashed and


    doing what he does best. Untamed in all his glory and a little feral mating.


    When I groan, he puts a hand over my mouth to silence me and earns himself a bite and a grin. His


    mouthing to my throat, my hands tangling in his thick dark hair as we get lost in the motion of a


    quick release.


    I lift my pelvis to him and encourage faster stiffer strokes, hard screwing for a fast climax and don¡¯t


    worry at all about skill. This is to satisfy a craving and a short quickie to pass the time while being stuck


    in here. I don¡¯t care about the execution as long as I have him inside me, joined to me intimately. I feel


    whole when Alexi and I are having sex. Nothingpares to having him all over me, possessing me


    and making me his all over again.


    It¡¯s only moments of sheer bliss, him grinding on top of me as I try my hardest to keep quiet, mumbling


    quietly, wing his neck half to death with my talon sharp nails as heat and ecstasy ride up in waves


    from my pelvis, and I close my eyes to savour every minute of defilement of this bitch¡¯s desk. So close


    to climax even though he has barely worked me up to it. I guess dyed pleasure and waiting all day


    has helped the process.


    ¡°Alessandro!¡± There¡¯s a harsh yell, and I thrust my eyes open, snapping my head to the left where the


    blinding light of the open doorway startles us to stop. Alexi turns too, and I¡¯m too busy staring at the


    shocked, angry expression of bitch-faced Mama Carrero gawping at us in horror while holding a gift-


    wrapped box that I don¡¯t even see what his reaction is. My insides clench, my stomach lurches, and my


    first reaction is to burst into a snortingugh. Completely inappropriate but somehow not. I stifle the


    urge tough, seeing as I¡¯m lying t on her precious thousand-dor desk, my dress up around my


    waist and my legs wrapped around her son while his trousers and boxers are down by his knees.


    ¡°Shit.¡± It¡¯s a low rumbling hiss under his breath before he sinks his face down on my shoulder and lets


    out a slow groan while pulling out of me. It¡¯s a bit of a ¡®fuck my life¡¯, and I have to p a hand over my


    mouth to stifle theugh that decides to continueing out of me.


    Yes, I¡¯m amused that she walked in, it¡¯s even better than I hoped for.


    She stands stock still and he has to fumble with himself and his clothes while still against me, so she


    doesn¡¯t get a full-on pornographic eyeful. She doesn¡¯t seem to have any intention of looking away


    either. He pulls away dragging my dress down with him to cover my modesty and I barely move to help


    him. Not caring one iota if she sees me nude.


    I stay for a moment, with eyes fixed on her, locked in a battle of snarled hatred and make unhurried,


    deliberate movements to cover myself in my position. Alexi sliding me off the desk to my feet, as I¡¯m


    not doing it, and he turns away to button his trousers properly.


    No one talks while we return everything to decent. I continue to look her way with a satisfied, smug


    expression, hoping to convey how unperturbed I am by her interruption. I feel like a sassy cat


    sharpening its ws in readiness for a territorial battle. I just marked my territory by pissing on her


    lawn.


    ¡°What on earth do you think you are doing? Defiling my room with this trash!¡± She ps on an


    overhead light and storms into the room fully, pulling the door shut behind her in case anyone catches


    a whiff of what is going on. I presume that would be worse than death for her, to have this little


    shameful scene on show.


    Alexi rights himself and turns back to face her, stony expression, no hint of anything, and I really have


    not an ounce of remorse. I don¡¯t know what I was expecting from him if she caught us, maybe remorse


    or an apology, but he seems to have gone the opposite way. Alexi is in full-blown hostile defiance, and I


    wonder if this was the face he wore whenever she caught him being naughty as a kid.


    He reacts to conflict in aggressive ways; maybe if she hadn¡¯t insulted me and had a go at discovering


    us, he would handle this a whole lot differently, but she has pushed his ¡®fuck¡¯ and ¡®you¡¯ and ¡®die¡¯ button.


    Awoken his prick mode, and good luck with that. Even I know the only way around this version of him,


    is to breathe, calm down and back off, ande back at him with gentle handling. Even if he is in the


    wrong.


    Softly softly wins the war with Lexi baby.


    She clearly never learned that lesson in his entire life.


    I¡¯m kind of d she caught us and hope she has to burn the desk, forever picturing Alexi fucking his


    hooker wife every time shees in here. It¡¯s wonderful.


    ¡°Avoiding you.¡± He points out dryly and I flick a sideways nce at him. Waiting for the apology


    because I know he didn¡¯t want to do this in here; there must be some semnce of shame inside him


    for crossing a boundary in his mother¡¯s study. He looks closed off and still, like the scary predator he


    can be, and I simmer a little, trying to feel him out.


    ¡°This is who she is pushing you to be? This slut encouraging this kind of filthy behaviour in my house


    and ¡­.¡±


    ¡°OUR house. Do you forget I was both born and raised here, and this room used to be the ce you


    locked me in anytime I was bad? Do you remember that? Sending me in here for hours on end to think


    about my behaviour, in the dark, because you told me you didn¡¯t want toy eyes on something as


    wed as me. As for my trashy wife pushing me, did she look like she was the one being dominating on


    your desk? I have a mind of my own and march to no one¡¯s beat but mine. Did you learn nothing from a


    lifetime of knowing me?¡± Lexi¡¯s tonepletely changes, and I blink at him in surprise, not only for him


    taking me for what I obviously orchestrated, but also looking around the room once more and trying


    to picture using it as a den of punishment when he was a child.


    Locking him away, making him feel isted.


    And why in the dark? What kind of cruelty is that?


    This room is pitch ck even in the day, so I cannot imagine how a little boy would feel being locked in


    here and told he was not allowed a light on. I wonder if it¡¯s why he never has the rooms inplete


    darkness at home. He always has low lights on. He has them everywhere and on a timer, so soon as it


    gets dark, theye on to create peaceful glows, and the apartments are rarely dark. It never dawned


    on me before how he never hasplete darkness, ever.


    The bitch scarred him.


    ¡°What did I ever do to deserve a son like you?¡± She almost spits it at him, smashing down the boxed


    gift on a side unit, startling me so I jump in fright and almost lose my heart through my mouth. She flies


    back around to face us, snarling, hating the very sight of us; I just cross my arms across my boobs,


    pushing them up and jut my hip out as I face her with attitude. Complete bitch mode incited, and I take


    on that good old catty stance of a girl who¡¯s not about to take any shit from anyone, least of all her.


    ¡°The question should be what did he ever do to deserve a mother like you? From where I¡¯m standing


    the only one who deserves to be locked in a dark room is the arsehole in front of me.¡± I snort in


    repulsion at the rancid woman, and she almost breaks her neck whipping around to re at me. Our


    eyes lock and the tension sizzles with the heavy fog of nastiness. Alexi walks to beside me and slides a


    hand around my upper arm to guide me away from her piercingser beam stare and tries to


    manoeuvre me to turn away. Maybe sensing she is psycho enough to fly at me, she is definitely


    brimming with violent intent.


    ¡°We¡¯re going. I¡¯m not doing this again. Goodbye, Mother.¡± He says it to both of us, lifting a brow that


    emphasises how serious he is, and I guess he doesn¡¯t want this scene to pan out. He¡¯s done and he


    just wants to leave before he snaps. I can feel him brimming with that restless negative energy that¡¯s


    usually followed by sadistic behaviour and I relent, knowing he is trying to rein himself in. My need to


    protect him overwhelms me, and I know getting him out and away from her is what he needs. That and


    a stiff drink or ten.


    ¡°What is that supposed to mean?¡± She uses, following us as we make it to the door and ms a


    hand on the handle as he reaches for it, blocking our way and making it clear we don¡¯t get to leave


    while she has a bone to pick. I can imagine the bully she was when he was a child as she stands there


    trying to intimidate us, forgetting she is the shortest one here. If I was a lesser woman, I would find her


    terrifying, but instead, I lift a brow at her and justugh out a ¡®pfft¡¯ noise in her face. Ignoring her


    question.


    ¡°Really? Are we your prisoners now, dahling? Going to spank our bums? I might like it, so go ahead.¡± I


    chuckle at the stupidity of the woman and shove her hand off by leaning down and tugging her wrist


    away without a care for her reaction. She¡¯s small and thin and I¡¯m sure I could take her, although Alexi


    would probably never let her get near me.


    She acts as though I have full-blown pped her in the face when I let go. Lurching back, grasping her


    hand and gasping dramatically, eyes widening as she looks his way in faux victim horror.


    ¡°How dare you touch me, you rancid whore! That¡¯s assault!¡± She snaps at me, but I don¡¯t get a chance


    to respond. While I¡¯m busy self-imploding to explosiveva proportions, Alexi spins me out of the way


    so he puts himself between us, and towers over her menacingly.


    ¡°Shut the fuck up and don¡¯t ever talk to my wife like that again. Who the fuck do you think you are? I¡¯m


    the head of this fucking family now, not Father, and you will do well to remember, in our family, that


    makes me God. My word isw. The reason you get to live your sad quiet little lie of existence in peace


    and safety. You ever disrespect me or my wife again, I will show you exactly what kind of son you


    deserve. I have held my tongue for over thirty years, and I¡¯m done ying your games. Don¡¯t piss me


    off, you won¡¯t like the side of me I have kept hidden out of respect for you, Mama; that side will give you


    nightmares no one can save you from! Trust me, there¡¯s a side of me I have protected you from, and I


    have no qualms about showing it to you now!¡± Alexi is snarling, growling, leaning in as she curls into a


    timid little ball, instantly silenced in genuine fear at what I suspect is a first for her. I see the horror in


    her eyes, the paling of herplexion as her blood drains away, the terror that used to run through my


    veins as Beast Alexi is unleashed.


    She made one vital mistake¡ªshe underestimated that he snaps for me and won¡¯t take any shit when it


    comes to his wife. She pushed too far.


    I guess this is the first time she has ever truly seen who he can be, what kind of cold and nasty he has


    in him, and it might make her rethink how lucky she has been to have him trying to win her love for


    decades. I have no doubt the real him would send her into hiding, and he has spent so long keeping it


    under wraps around her that she is shocked mute.


    He¡¯s will never earn her love, but maybe now he will earn her distance and silence and put her in her


    fucking ce. As the head of his family, she owes him respect at the very least.


    ¡°I ¡­ I ¡­¡± she whimpers, silenced and stuttering as he prates her with that scowl that still puts the


    fear of God in me, and I can see it¡¯s the face from his father, only scarier. Her instant submission


    signals she knows better than to fuck with it on him, it¡¯s thrown her, so maybe now she realises she


    shouldn¡¯t fuck with Alexi either. Like father like son, only a hundred times deadlier, and with no depth of


    husbandly love to save her from his wrath. She was never a mother to him and maybe now she will


    figure out that would have been the only thing to have saved her.


    ¡°Go away. We want to leave without looking at you. I¡¯m done with you.¡± Still snarling, he sounds almost


    satanic in the low sinister tone, and she ups and scurries out of our way quicker than you can blink.


    Genuinely afraid of him probably for the first time in her life. I should feel smug at this point, but I don¡¯t.


    I feel saddened that when he calms down, he will rey this in his head, regret it and have a pretty


    deep emotional reaction to how he was with her. Under all that cold is a heart that is easy to wound.


    I hate her for pushing him to this.


    Alexi turns and yanks open the door to the vacant kitchen, her guest clearly gone, and holds it open for


    me. Waiting with no hint of expression anymore. Closed up tight and retreating into his head until we


    get out of here. I perk up, paste a smile on my face for his benefit, straighten up and throw her a warm


    smile oozing with disdain.


    ¡°Thanks for lunch, Mum, see you for Christmas dinner.¡± I wink and blow her a kiss, sarcasm dripping


    and smile when she practically swallows her own pinched and pursed lips. The look on her face is


    priceless and it gives me a bit of a kick.


    Tit wank of a woman.


    Alexi pushes me out gently, reminding me it¡¯s time to leave and follows out by my side, saying nothing


    else. He doesn¡¯t look back, doesn¡¯t utter a goodbye, just takes my arm and leads us out into the kitchen


    before pulling me silently through the house to get out of here.


    Leaving that scene behind us and I hope hisst ounces of always crawling for her approval with it.


    ¡°Go up, I just need to make a call and take a minute.¡± Alexi smacks my arse saucily as we walk in the


    front door of his house and sends me trotting across the floor in bare feet. He has my shoes in his hand


    after I discarded them in the car and tosses them onto the hall chair, watching me wriggle away


    suggestively towards the stairs. Smiling his way and winking at him because I can. He watches me with


    that sexy smile, eyes scanning my curves and making me feel like a goddess. All drama ebbing away


    and now I have my mind on more important things.


    He didn¡¯t say much driving over here and he seems to be a little introverted after that ugliness. It¡¯s clear


    he did not want to talk about it, so I left it alone, knowing if he wants to talk it out then he won¡¯t be shy


    about it. I left him to brood, and I can tell he is trying to throw it off, so it doesn¡¯t follow us for the rest of


    our day. I can almost bet he needs a few minutes of headspace, to down something strong and breathe


    before following me. Self-medicating and putting himself back to rights. Since finding out that¡¯s the way


    he levels himself off instead of meds, I haven¡¯t cared about his booze intake at all. It¡¯s rare when he''s


    doing fine, so not much of a problem in my eyes.


    He promised me a conclusion to our desk fun so at least she didn¡¯t ruin his sexual appetite with her


    nonsense. I so badly needed that damn orgasm I have been chasing all day. I feel so uptight and antsy


    with all these false starts and the emotional shit that¡¯s gone down.


    No babies¡ªthank God.


    First time meeting that witch¡ªOh, lord.


    Her being a sanctimonious abusive arsehole¡ªmy poor baby.


    His mother finally lost her power and control over him though, in a very anticlimactic way, nevertheless,


    it happened. Something in him shifted at that moment and I don¡¯t doubt she will tread carefully with him


    in the future, now she has seen hints of what he has always tried to shield her from. She has no clue


    how hard he has tried to only show her the side she would want and approve of. It¡¯s not how love


    works.


    The love he had for her doesn''t outshine the love he has for me, and she is no longer someone he


    needs to feel any kind of worth for. He has me, and she might realise that when it all calms down. He is


    his father¡¯s son and she must have known that one day, the time woulde when her power over him


    died at his own hands because he holds so much more than she does. He could crush her effortlessly.


    Even though I know he wouldn¡¯t. She has no idea how lucky she is that he cares about her, even if it¡¯s


    a misced love she in no way deserves. Alexi could have made her life hell all these years, but he did


    the opposite and tried to be what she wanted in him, on paper anyway. He can stop pretending now; I


    love him, and she either epts it or leaves him the hell alone. She''ll have me to deal with should this


    shit continue, and I won¡¯t hold back.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be long, otherwise I''ll put all my clothes back on and watch daytime TV. You snooze you lose,


    bad boy.¡± I wink back at him, bringing humour to the atmosphere and willing him to be okay. I feel guilty


    now we aren¡¯t there anymore and have deep remorse for putting him in a position for that kind of


    oue. As much as I hate her, he loves her. She¡¯s his mother, and what just happened is probably


    killing him inside now. Hiding it away as he does and shelving it for another time.


    Sounds familiar.


    Only difference is, I will not let him slide back into trying to appease her. I have more sway over him,


    and things will change where she is concerned. Enough is enough.


    I disappear up the stairs with my head on executing my n of thest few days. Now more than ever


    when he really needs a good way to relieve stress and a pick me up to how wretched he must be


    feeling. I hold the key to making it all better and I aim to pull out all the stops for him to ensure I do. I


    love him so much.


    ¡°Twenty minutes max,¡± he calls after me, but I¡¯m already darting up the stairs so I can set about looking


    for something appropriate.


    I don¡¯t know why, but maybe it¡¯s all this marriage talk and thinking about cheating husbands and weird


    fetishes that nted a seed in my head somewhere during thest few days. I thought about what I


    wasn¡¯t giving him in terms of his needs. More specifically, Alexi¡¯sck of kinky sex, bondage and such,


    since we got together. I know he took it off the table because of how I am with it, but I know it¡¯s in him


    to want it and long for it. That¡¯s what kinks are. Strong desires and urges, and men stray when theirs


    are not met. He married a sex worker with more skills than most, and he should be able to use that for


    his own pleasure when he needs it.


    All content is ? N0velDrama.Org.


    God knows I revel in his skills from his past.


    I don¡¯t want Alexi to be unsatisfied with our sex life anytime soon, I want to be all he needs, all he


    desires. After these past few days, I feel like he needs to know I will go the extra mile for him whenever


    he needs me to. He has changed so much for me, so I should, and will manage my hang-ups for the


    asional BDSM themed night of passion. I trust him not to put me in a position where I¡¯m


    traumatised. He knows my worst and he won¡¯t cross a line.


    I rush about the bedroom we are using, pulling all my clothes out of my case, looking for sexy


    underwear, suspenders and such, and something we could use in a very gentle game of bondage and


    restraint.


    This is a huge leap of faith and trust for me, and I believe in the fact he will never hurt me. That he


    knows my limits and won¡¯t cross boundaries. I already know that pain isn¡¯t his thing, it¡¯s just about


    control and restraint. I can live with that if it¡¯s him. I love him enough to try, and then when I¡¯ve done it


    once, it can be something we visit from time to time when he wants something spicier. I won¡¯t let him


    get bored of me.


    I can push all my fears and scars aside for him. I can do this. I can be what he needs in every way. I


    love him that much and I want him to see that he is worthy of a love so deep I¡¯m willing to do anything


    for him. Undo the doubts his mother put inside his head. Now more than ever.


    I strip off, ignoring the wing, rising trepidation and nerves, and pull on red lingerie in sexyce and


    matching suspenders;pletely focused on what I¡¯m doing and pushing fear aside. Aware he won¡¯t


    be long, so I¡¯m being speedy. Fis stockings and red stilettoes. Hair pulled up into a messy updo


    and I retouch my makeup with a sultry smoky eye and my devil-red lips I had neglected to put on for


    lunch at his mother¡¯s when opting for a toned-down shade. Alexi likes this colour on me. I¡¯m dressing


    up in a way I know he will appreciate, tailoring to what he likes on me for extra oomph. Intent on turning


    him on and making him wild with need.


    I give myself a once over, hands beginning to tremble as I take in the sultry, seductive goddess before


    me. She looks confident and capable and in no way quaking internally with a dry mouth and pounding


    heart rate. Sex Queen from head to toe. I pull out the long leather belts I had to rummage in Alexi¡¯s


    case for when looking for suitable restraints. They¡¯re not ideal but I have to work with what I can find.


    Two, one ck and one brown, expensive, soft Italian leather belts with small buckles. Not very


    daunting to look at but to me a terrifying decision that will take extra will power to carry out. The thought


    of it makes my hair stand on end and I get goosebumps all over in dreaded anticipation. I feel like my


    body goes limp and weak and my blood runs cold at what I¡¯m about to do, willingly.


    Trust.


    I keep chanting this to myself. A reminder to keep myself calm and immerse myself in the faith I have in


    him. The importance of this for me is to show him I trust him. He has taken so many huge steps for us


    and I need to show him I¡¯m willing to do the same. I¡¯m willing to put my fears aside and give him one of


    his biggest desires to make him happy too. I know he won¡¯t do anything terrifying to me even while he


    has full control and the green card to do as he pleases.


    I catch the sound of footsteps on the stairs and panic, haphazardly throwing the suitcases off the bed


    and kicking them to one side neatly. Running to pull the blind so the room is in semi-darkness, and


    quickly light the array of candles I collected from all over the room to sit along the vanity to create a low


    sultry ambience. I press my phone for the soothing music to y over the Bluetooth surround sound


    system just as Alexi walks into the bedroom and catches sight of me standing with my hands behind


    my back, concealing the two belts I have rolled up to hide. My chest heaving from myst-minute manic


    run about and the pulsing, throbbing wave of apprehension from what I¡¯m about to do.


    My heart is pounding through my chest, breathing shallow and nerves frayed but I can do this. I just


    need to look at him and remind myself that I¡¯d die for this man. He makes everything in my life right,


    and I owe him some sort of token that''s more than just saying I love you.


    He stands for a second in the doorway as his vision adjusts to the lower light and I can see the shining


    glints of his eyes as they travel up my body from feet to face. Taking me in, scanning the room as he


    rxes against the frame and a smile spreads across his face. He seems calmer, back to confident


    alpha, probably thanks to a few shots of booze, and much more rxed in posture.


    ¡°Well, this looks enticing. Are we ying games or just getting romantic?¡± he asks huskily, lust


    consuming him as soon as heys eyes on my outfit. The way he slowly gazes over me again,


    lingering on my breasts tells me this works for him.


    ¡°Come in, shut the door and you will find out.¡± I purr at him, sex kitten on full show and relying on my


    years of self-training in how to make a guy crumble before your feet. Little sexy mannerisms going full


    throttle, pouting, pushing my bust and arse out and making sure I let my hands glide to key points of


    my body to allure him even more. I¡¯mpetent in seduction, and I want him to believe I¡¯m in full


    control and fully on board with this. If he senses doubt, he will stop it and banish this from sex in the


    future. His need to protect me overrides everything else, even his own desires. He sacrifices so much


    for me.


    Alexi does as I tell him, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he walks in confidently and turns to shut the


    door firmly. His slow deliberate movements, so very catlike sometimes.


    ¡°Take your clothes off while you''re at it,¡± Imand forcefully, still that low husky tone that always


    guaranteed to make men horny. Internally, I''m still shitting myself, but at least I sound sure and can


    hide the wobble in my voice. A sudden wave of faintnessing over me and I swallow it down to


    push it away.


    He turns slowly, smirks at my show of dominance and starts unbuttoning his shirt carefully, eyes on me


    and being very cocky about it. He has already discarded his jacket and cufflinks downstairs; he kicks


    off his shoes, eyes homed in on me in an unbreakable gaze as we lock together. He seems amused by


    me taking over and not against it so I hold steady and know that if he goes for this, I may just brighten


    his night and smooth over some of the upset from earlier. He deserves someone to pull out the stops


    for him. He deserves myplete and utter devotion.


    I fidget with the belts behind my back but hold my ground, walk slowly towards the bed while facing him


    so he doesn¡¯t see them, and stop at the foot.


    ¡°Hurry up, I¡¯m waiting.¡±


    Anothermand as he slides his shirt off, exposing all that chiselled perfection and dark ink across


    his body and he swiftly removes his trousers, boxers and socks until he ispletely naked and very


    obviously getting hard. I watch that wless specimen as he saunters to the bed, trailing a hand across


    my abdomen as hees level with me, aching to touch me as much as I want to touch him. I shiver


    at the familiar touch, body eager to unite with him again, but I hold back and wait.


    ¡°I thought you liked to be dominated, what¡¯s with the switch up?¡± He doesn¡¯t sound overly bothered,


    more intrigued and maybe a little excited about the prospect of a reversal. As much as he likes to be


    boss, I think asionally he is open to me taking the lead. He admitted I did on our wedding night


    anyway and he had noints on that front.


    ¡°Shut up and get on the bed. It¡¯s a surprise.¡± I so badly want to push him on there, but I wait and watch


    him climb onto the bed, painfully slowly, before he turns and getsfy lying on it and props himself to


    sitting against the headboard. Arrogantly confident, intrigued and watching me like a hawk. My skin


    goosebumps with apprehension, my stomach lurches, and I swallow down thest of my doubts to try


    and quell them.


    Just fucking do it.


    ¡°Good boy. Now close your eyes.¡± I don¡¯t want him to see my crawling up the bed with belts in hand, I


    want this to happen naturally and fluidly with no build up or weirdness. Just get on top of him and put


    the straps in his hand so he can do to me as he pleases. Like ripping off a band-aid.


    Talking about it will only make me lose my nerve.


    As soon as he closes his eyes, I let the belts loose to dangle free so I can use my hands to get up and


    crawl up his body slowly and carefully, easing myself over him like a little cat. I start by kissing his legs


    and thighs, moving up as I go, licking his skin as I do so. Working my way up and trying so hard to turn


    myself on in the process so I don''t think about what¡¯sing. Grazing my breasts against him when I


    lean low to taste the delicious salt of skin and masculine scent.


    I can do this.


    When I get level with his penis, almost fully erect from my attention, I lick up his shaft,ying the belts


    on either side of him and lean over to deliver a world-famous Cami blow job. A sure-fire way to get us


    both ready for maximum pleasure, bending low to take as much of him down my throat as I can and


    suck delicately. For me, this always acted like a trigger and got me ready for sex. I don¡¯t know why; I


    guess because I don¡¯t mind doing it and it always signals what¡¯sing. My body firing up in readiness


    and I can¡¯t ignore it¡¯s taking more time than usual.


    His groans spur me on and when he''s fully erect in my mouth, hardening so it stands up all by itself, I


    know that putting this off for much longer will only kill my courage once and for all.


    I suck him all the way to the tip,ing away seductively, and position myself on my knees before


    straddling him and pressing my thighs to either side of his so I can hover over his erection while looking


    down at his face. My knickers are crotchless so they can stay on and still give him ess.


    I pick up one belt and drape it across my shoulders to use on my neck or upper body, flinching at the


    cold leather nestling on my skin and push away memories quickly. I pick up the second to drape across


    my wrists, ready to be tied. Offering myself like a submissive so he has no confusion as to what this is.


    I lower my chin and drop my eyes to his chest, knowing the preferred way of giving power for most


    Doms. It¡¯s like I almost move into autopilot and a weird zombie trancees over me. My mind is


    trying to separate me from my body to endure this, and I have to fight myself to stay lucid.


    ¡°Do I still have to keep my eyes shut?¡± His husky tone pulls me out of my head, and I watch him for a


    millisecond under loweredshes before taking a steadying breath.


    ¡°Not anymore. Open them and take over.¡± I sound confident anyway, even though I¡¯m quaking inside,


    stomach swirling with nausea and heart racing so rapidly I may pass out. When he slowly opens his


    eyes, fluttering a little in the dim light, he immediately locks onto the belt across my wrists waiting for


    him to wrap around them to restrain me and pauses, his whole body stiffens. Everything seems to


    freeze for a second.


    His eyes flicker from that to the one around my shoulders and back again, a slight hint of a frown as the


    happy expression slips away, before he sits himself up a little more. An aura of Mr Mafia Boss seeping


    in and I hesitate for a moment, wondering if he might have an all-out flip of persona on me.


    ¡°What is this?¡± He looks confused, not exactly the response I was going for and I stay still, holding my


    pose. Willing myself to be brave and trust him. No matter the persona he will not hurt me.


    ¡°What do you think this is for? You moron. To do to me as you please.¡± I jut my pelvis backward and sit


    slowly to angle myself just behind his erection,ing down to nestle at eye level, waiting for my


    master to take over. Distracting myself so I don¡¯t fall to pieces and give away how afraid I feel right now.


    He wants submission, all out obedience. It¡¯s what he will get from me during this sex romp. I know the


    rules and how to y, and it will all be over soon enough.


    ¡°You don¡¯t like this; you don¡¯t want this.¡± It¡¯s a deting, t statement, and I can see this isn¡¯t going to


    be the spontaneous sexy scene I thought I was creating. Alexi moving in as protector and questioning


    my motives. I sigh inwardly. Nerves hiking with every second of dy.


    He wants to talk it out but I¡¯m just willing him to get on with it before I curl up and cry. He doesn¡¯t touch


    me or the belt, just continues to look at it, and then me and frowning. His face a picture of suspicion


    and subtle refusal.


    Killing my confidence, and emotions swirl up where lust should be, aware his erection is calming


    noticeably between my thighs.


    ¡°But you do. This is what you like. This is what gets you off, so I¡¯m giving it to you. The way you


    compromise for me. I want to make you happy too.¡± My voice wavers, insides crumbling in a way I


    didn¡¯t want them to. The longer this goes on the more I¡¯m losing my resolve to do this, and fear is


    consuming me. I¡¯m not turned on in any way and it will be worse for me if I can¡¯t get my head into this.


    Goddamn it, Alexi, just do it already. I¡¯m doing this for you.

 Chapter 187

    Chapter 187


    ¡°Please,¡± I whisper it so quietly, begging him to stop questioning, to just take what I¡¯m offering him. He


    surely understands my reasons. I close my eyes when he finally leans up and pulls one end of the


    strap and tugs it off my wrist slowly. The material sliding coldly and making me shiver. Eyes on what


    he¡¯s doing, and I exhale, appeased that we are still going ahead even if a part of me dies a little inside.


    Like an idiot because I started this.


    I wait with bated breath for the dreaded feel of leather on my skin, but nothing happens. Anticipation


    makes me tetchy, heightening my senses to rming levels and I notice every noise and sensation. I''m


    antsy and I can¡¯t stand it anymore.


    Instead, the slide of the one around my neck startles me and I gulp in air, jumping slightly, realising he


    might start with leashing me and tying me after he gets a makeshift cor on me. A lot of men like Alexi


    like to have you leashed and tied up for full control. I have endured it during some of the worst


    moments of my life, but I¡¯m trying to separate those memories from this moment, for him.


    I try to hold still, heart pounding with that tiny scare, anticipating the feel of his touch, trying to hold


    myself together, but still, nothing happens; I¡¯m forced to flutter my eyes open to look and see what he''s


    doing, he feels so still beneath me. Unnerving me with his silence so that I cannot bear it anymore.


    I blink at him in the low light and realise Alexi is sitting looking at me, holding nothing in his hands, just


    appraising me calmly with such an odd expression on his face.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± I mumble, seeing this whole thing disintegrating into a ruined surprise I


    completely ballsed up. Alexi doesn¡¯t look anything¡ªjust deadpan seriousness and no hint of a clue to


    what he is thinking.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want this.¡± He lifts one hand and runs a gentle stroking caress down my cheek, igniting familiar


    tingles and reducing my fight-or-flight response dramatically. A familiar loving touch to remind me he


    will never make me feel threatened. It works like a heavy nket being draped around me on a cold


    night and stills some of my manic trembling.


    ¡°Yes, you do. It¡¯s what you like. It¡¯s what you need, and I want to be what you need.¡± A lump of emotion


    catches in my throat as I realise how badly I¡¯m failing in this. Suddenly tearful because the one thing


    I¡¯m good at is having no effect on him. I seduce, I use sex and supply satisfaction to men. It¡¯s what I¡¯m


    good at. I spent my life being a seductress and master of sex, yet here I am unable to get my husband


    to partake in his own fantasies.


    What the hell has happened to me?


    ¡°You¡¯re already what I need. I don¡¯t need this, and I know you don¡¯t want this either. You don¡¯t bind your


    queen; you worship her as an equal.¡± Alexi picks up the belt from the bed where heid it and tosses it


    across the floor away from us, picking up the second, does the same to make it clear he won¡¯t be using


    them and has no desire to do so. I watch them fly andnd ceremoniously with aplete sense of


    failure.


    ¡°Stop it.¡± I cry in rm grasping for them and missingpletely, too slow, panic setting in that if I fail


    to be all he desires and needs, then one day he will go looking for that kind of satisfaction with


    someone else. This was about proving to him I trust him and it¡¯s all falling apart. Sudden hysteria rising


    out of me, based in fear and inadequacy, and I move to get off him to go retrieve them.


    ¡°No. Listen to me. Stop it, Cam.¡± He catches my wrists and pulls me to face him, dragging me back


    gently, holding me still, bringing me to aplete halt as that bossy tone takes over. He is so serious,


    looking at me like a schoolteacher chastising a wayward child. He pulls me closer, lets go of one of my


    wrists and cups my jaw instead, bringing me to lean into him so we are almost nose to nose and taking


    control of me and my hysteria. I¡¯m breaking inside, body haywire with conflicting feelings and thoughts,


    and my breathing is hitched as he stills me.N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    ¡°I never needed that for getting off, it was never about that. It was about distancing myself from the


    women I fucked. Seeing them as objects and making them unable to touch me back. It kept them under


    control, the emotions out of the sex and impersonal. I¡¯m not into bondage, Cam, it was a means to an


    end and just became a way of life. A habit to get what I wanted withoutplications or over clingy


    women, and a part of my everyday mask as Alexi Carrero¡ªMafia boss. Listen to what I¡¯m telling you ¡­


    I don¡¯t want it.¡± He holds me tight until I stop blinking at him in stupefaction and my brain slowly catches


    up to what he''s saying. Gawping at him and trying to absorb those words.


    ¡°What? I don¡¯t understand.¡± I blink back the despair swirling through every cell and stare at him fully.


    Locking a questioning look on that handsome face.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t want the touchy-feely shit. Look what happened when we had sex ¡­ you were someone I


    allowed to wrap herself around me and you got inside my head, inside my heart. To the point where I


    was craving your touch, your kiss. Everything I tried to avoid for years. I don¡¯t need that shit anymore,


    Cam, I just need you and the way we are. Sex with you is the best I have ever had, and I would never


    change how we do it. You are the most amazing thing in my life, you have to believe that.¡± The feels


    from what he says hit me hard, a lump forming in my throat that almost chokes me and I throw myself


    at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hold on tight. Unexpectedly ovee with heavy


    heartbreak or heart happiness, whatever it is that consumes your body painfully while feeling utterly


    high and yet prone to a sob fest of tears.


    ¡°Please don¡¯t be lying to make me feel better,¡± I mumble against his throat as I squeeze him in


    desperation, but he just hugs me back, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a tight little


    cocoon. He manoeuvres us to our side so we can both stretch out and lie down on the bed, and


    presses me t against him, from toes to nose.


    ¡°I told you I would never lie to you again and I''m not going to. The thought of tying you up makes me


    sick to my stomach. I never want to see you look at me the way you did in the club that day¡ªthe cross.


    The night we came here. It killed me to see you break, and I hated myself for doing it. I won¡¯t do that to


    you ever again, for anything. I¡¯m supposed to protect you, not put you in a ce that hurts you, and this


    would, even if you say it won¡¯t.¡±


    And just like that for the second time in two days, hepletely breaks me, in a good way though, and


    I crumble into a shocked sob, turning to a liquid mess while wrapped in his arms. I cry so dramatically


    he squeezes me tighter and buries his face in my hair, stroking my back and shoulder with his free


    hand.


    ¡°I wanted to prove to you I trust you.¡± I sniff against him for what seems like forever as those strong


    arms surround me and gentle hands pull the strands of hair out of my now disintegrating hairstyle and


    twist them slowly to soothe me in the way he instinctively knows how. His touch a balm to my pain.


    ¡°I get that, and it means so much to me to know you would do this for me. Trust me, I see it. I just don¡¯t


    need it, not like this. We have something better, something stronger, and I don''t want you to offer


    yourself to me this way again. You¡¯re my queen, I¡¯ll never want this with you for as long as I live. If you


    think I will look for it somewhere else, then don''t. Nothing will everpare to what we have, and I


    won¡¯t jeopardise it. I don¡¯t need it, I never did. It¡¯s the past and a part of me that no longer exists as


    long as you love me.¡±


    And I will love him forever.


    I lift my chin and wipe my face, sniffing away the traces of my emotional breakdown. Tired, feeling


    weak and vulnerable but understanding him fully. Understanding more than most the need to have a


    different persona and masks and things that maybe we didn¡¯t like but were a necessity to the part we


    yed.


    ¡°I totally ruined this didn¡¯t I?¡± I¡¯m turning into an emotional wreck ofte, and I don¡¯t know how the hell


    to get my shit together. He just seems to be able to bring out this side of me, to dig deep beneath my


    layers to find my most vulnerable spots. I¡¯m not the girl I was the day he walked into my life to save me.


    He haspletely destroyed the cold, hard side of that persona, and now I need him to be my vicious


    wall of security instead.


    ¡°Nah, London. We''re only having ourselves a dyed start. How about you roll over and let me show


    you how it¡¯s done?¡± He nudges me with his knee between my thighs suggestively. I dry my messy face


    and manage to muster up a smile, heart filling and all doubts dissipating. He always knows how to


    make it better.


    ¡°That sounds like an offer I don¡¯t want to refuse.¡± I perk up a wide grin, trace his face with my thumb


    and swoon when that sizzle of electric we so easily ignite, rolls through my body and tingles myher


    regions. Instant horn onmand. Only he holds that special button. With fear thrown aside my body


    reminds me I still need a climax.


    ¡°Close your eyes and you¡¯ll soon find out.¡±


    I do as I¡¯m told, squeezing them tight and lean back as he kisses me passionately, easing me onto my


    back until he cages me expertly, moving himself to hover over my body. Kisses, teases, caresses as he


    positions us how he wants, and Ipletely rx under this kind of domination. All pain, paranoia and


    upset fluttering away under his breath-taking attention. My body tuning into his touch seamlessly.


    This I can do a hundred times a day, submit to his bossy sexy side where I know his touch will never be


    harmful or cruel. I trust himpletely.


    He finally moves down when he breaks away. His breath spanning my cleavage and then abdomen,


    igniting tingles and flutters inside me and I arch up when his hot, wet tongue and warm, soft lips


    connect with my skin. Working across my pelvis where myceys, deliciously slowly, and works it


    down until he pulls them halfway down my legs, kissing my thighs and the inner softer areas gently on


    the descent. Teasing me into heightened pleasure and longing and making me wet for him all over


    again.


    Once he gets them down far enough, he pulls one of my shoes off to ease my limb up and removes


    them from one legpletely, discarding them where they are and props my leg up, bending at the


    knee and holds it there. Opening me up for him now I¡¯m free of fabric.


    I wait with bated breath, skin tingling all over with the intense erotic pleasure of waiting for that most


    intimate of kisses, and I don¡¯t have to wait long. Squirming with need and breathless with excitement.


    Tongue connects between my thighs when he scoops down and pushes my legs further apart to


    amodate him. He pulls my pelvis towards him and angles me up, so he gets unrestricted ess,


    my body melting into a useless, weightless mass of liquid as I surrender to the pleasurable feeling of


    hot, wet tongue caressing mybia. Groaning instantly as that weakening wave consumes me.


    I cry out, losing myself in the sensation of the best oral sex I have ever had in my life, moaning his


    name as I w at the bed sheets and get ready for that mind-blowing orgasm that has evaded me all


    day.


    We end up on a private flight early next morning, as the airfieldst night had to cancel all flights back


    to Manhattan for several hours because of a helicopter pilot crashing on one of the runways.


    Apparently, someone poisoned the poor pilot with pistachio cake, not realising he had a severe nut


    allergy and almost killed the man. Bloody helicopter crash due to cake poisoning has to be one of the


    most farfetched reasons to dy a flight I have ever heard, and it put the airfield out of use overnight.


    Well, I suppose it¡¯s not as bad as the time I had to fly from Chicago to New York and the pilot died


    when his lift plunged several floors of the building he wasing from; a freak ident that started a


    fire and ravaged the whole building. You couldn¡¯t make this shit up. Apparently, everyone died in that


    ze.


    Alexi didn¡¯t want to drive home either as he literally hates long, monotonous road trips; kills his restless


    nature, so we stayed another night with a booked ne flight rather than a chopper, to avoid bad juju,


    soon as they started operating again. Because of it, however, we had to schedule our flight back early


    for us to make Alexi¡¯s sit-down with the Mafia bosses and that queen bitch Marianne. So today I feel


    rushed, half asleep and still trying to let my head catch up with thest few days. I feel unusually


    rattled, nerves prickly because of why we are rushing back and unable to settle.


    Alexi went off for an hourst night to meet his father and left me keeping our bed warm. I didn¡¯t pry


    when he got back as he seemed shut off, thinking things over in a rather broody manner that signals he


    wants space. He spent another thirty minutes locked in a study downstairs making calls, and by the


    time he climbed into bed with me I was already asleep. Waking up to his smiling, happy self and didn¡¯t


    ask about the details before he got me up to go.


    By the time wend we will have to hightail it to the venue right from the airport with only minutes to


    spare, so he spent half the night getting agitated with his ns going to shit. He hates to be


    unprepared for anything and abhors when his ns get side-tracked. I can feel the restless energy


    coming off him in droves, and no amount of booze will settle him until this is over. I feel a tiny bit out of


    my depth with the brewing atmosphere and know that the only cure for him will be an end to this


    meeting.


    Yesterday, despite all that, was nice though, sitting curled up together in bed andzily making love,


    talking and watching the sun go down. We stayed home for the rest of the day, ordered takeout,


    lounged around and teased each other mercilessly. Removing all previous memories of this house


    completely from my brain.


    Cuddling up and watching old movies, which I have found he actually likes. We share so many tastes,


    it¡¯s crazy. Alexi put my needs before business and when I was suitably chilled and sleepy, fed, satisfied,


    and no longer wanting sex, that¡¯s when he called his father and left me to snuggle on his side while he


    was away. Surrounded by the cosy smell of him, content for once with a calm head and no stupid


    suspicious thoughts ruining my happy.


    He actively avoided all mention of his mother and as much as it pains me to know he is inwardly


    gnawing over that, I left it alone.


    I could get used to this life with him. He may not be Mr Romantic, but he really is learning and things


    between us are steadily growing with every passing day. Alexi opening up, bing morepetent


    at being gentle and tender, and really blowing all my expectations out of the water with whom he can


    be. He makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be in life. I think this marriage thing might


    actually work if he keeps being this man for me. I have no more doubts about it.


    I don¡¯t care how many gangsters he shoots or tortures as long as the version thates home to me is


    this one. This is the man I could spend a million years and more with and never tire of being with him. I


    like the fact that this is who he is for me alone; it makes it even more special. No one gets to share


    what I have with him; no one gets treated this way except me. I¡¯m his queen, his world and he makes


    me believe it with every second he showers me with this love and attention. I wouldn¡¯t change who he


    is, not even the other side of him as he needs both to survive and I can¡¯t love only half of a man.


    ¡°Where the fuck is he?¡± Lexi is agitated when we walk through and out of the airport office expecting to


    see Mico¡¯s car at the entrance, and nothing is there. I sigh heavily, knowing thest thing he needs is a


    reason to be angry. Not a good start when Alexi is already gearing himself up for a showdown with that


    woman and reverting into bossymander. He hasn¡¯t told me what¡¯s going to happen, and because


    of this stupid mess up with flights, I guess he''s taking me with him and will probably have to sit in the


    car outside. I have no clue. I don¡¯t want to ask him as my nerves have already shot up about a hundred


    feet after I heard him tell Mico to bring his gun and holster to the pickup.


    He¡¯s going armed, which I hate, but I don¡¯t want to say anything and make him aware that I¡¯m stressing


    about it. His head is on other things and he doesn¡¯t need me having a little anxious meltdown adding all


    up in there to distract him. He needs to be focused and in control and just put an end to this shit so I


    can live a safe existence with him in our new life.


    This is a part of the rtionship I need to get used to, and I wish I didn¡¯t panic anytime he mentioned


    his gun. I get so afraid for him. I don¡¯t know what I would do something ever happened to him, and my


    fear of guns is, most probably, set for life.


    ¡°There.¡± I point out the approaching familiar four by four I spot in the distance in relief, and Alexi picks


    up our bags and pushes me gently toward where the car will pull in against the kerb. We are running


    late after a flight dy on top of the chaos of the closure and we really are cutting it fine for arriving on


    time. He seems detached, and I know his brain will be arranging, coercing details and working out his


    action n. I know to leave him be.


    He throws the bags in the boot as Mico opens my door and helps me in the back with a smile and a


    kiss on the cheek. He offers rushed congrattions and a wink before Alexi jumps in beside me. Mico''s


    obviously happy for my new title as Mrs Carrero, and I give him a warm smile. d to see Alexi¡¯s


    familiar shadow back with him and it eases some of the trepidation of this meeting. Mico will protect


    Alexi where I can¡¯t. That¡¯s why I adore him so.


    ¡°Floor it, I hate beingte,¡± he barks at Mico as though it¡¯s somehow his fault, and I cross all my fingers


    and toes impulsively, praying to God this goes well and Alexies out unscathed. I have no idea


    what this meeting is even for. No clue what they will discuss or what oue there will be if Alexi has


    to y nice by order of his family.


    We lurch into motion and Alexi hands me my seatbelt to clip on, checking I¡¯m buckled in before he does


    his own and pulls my hand to hisp. I can already tell he''s put on his Mafia mask.


    ¡°You¡¯reing in with me, so I need you to look beautiful, stay quiet and do not react to anything that


    is said or done in that room. I need you to be my girl, the one who keeps her shit together and shows


    them how strong a queen she is.¡± The serious tone and intense way he¡¯s leaning into me send shivers


    down my spine. Locking those eyes on me and not a single hint that he''s kidding. I swallow hard.


    ¡°Why do I need to be there? What¡¯s going to happen, what is this even for?¡± I blurt out, anxiety and


    panic rising like bile in my throat, my body stiffening in terror and he squeezes my hand to calm me,


    stroking back a strand of my hair gently and letting his persona slide into gentleness for a moment.


    ¡°There are a few oues. I don¡¯t want to give you a reason to worry when nothing is certain, so I just


    need you to trust me. She asked for this meeting because she thinks she can negotiate a ce on the


    board. She wants to be the sixth reigning family in the city thinking she can take her father¡¯s ce. All


    this bullshit, posturing and showing what she was capable of, was her way of saying ¡®look at me, I have


    skills and power too¡¯.¡±


    ¡°What a stupid bitch. Are your family still against you putting a bullet in her fucking skull?¡± I ask, lifting a


    brow and wondering why he needs to go through all this if they have changed their view. Alexi settles


    back against his own seat, keeping my hand in his and frowns out the window.


    ¡°Yes. She hasn¡¯t done anything to you since I married you, so they still won¡¯t budge. They don¡¯t want


    me to touch her. There¡¯s a code, rules to y by and a treaty the families signed. She didn¡¯t touch you


    as my wife, so technically I still cannot retaliate without real cause. If I give the order for someone else,


    it¡¯s the same thing. I can¡¯t do this and none of the others will do it without my say so. I¡¯m fucked.¡± He


    sounds as pissed as his words make me feel, and that little twinge of muscle in his jawline is a sign


    he¡¯s harbouring a bad mood.


    ¡°So, what then? She just gets to lord about and act like a fucking queen after going for me twice?¡± It


    spikes my instant temper and I throw myself back against the seat in frustration at thisck of resolve.


    Forgetting my own nerves.


    It¡¯s the only thing still hanging over our heads in this life and I, for one, want to see the end of. Wife title


    may save me from future attempts, but that bitch has tried twice, and I want to see her punished.


    Churning up all sorts of angsts and angry sensations in the pit of my stomach.


    ¡°Do you really think I would leave it like that? You need to trust me. Just don¡¯t react, no matter what. I¡¯m


    not sure about exactly how this will y out but be prepared for anything. There are five heads at this


    sit-down, she has wronged more than just us. My main priority is keeping you safe.¡±


    I fidget with my cuff, missing my broken bracelet and wish I was wearing it right now. Alexi has it


    wrapped up in his case for repair when we get home and, for some reason, I feel like I need its


    presence for luck and protection about now. Looking out the window as we speed through traffic the


    best we can, I try to push it all down and distract myself with the scenery.


    ¡°I know you will find a resolution that makes you happy. I trust you.¡±


    I really do. He¡¯s a man who always orchestrates things the way he wants them, and I shouldn¡¯t


    underestimate how good he is at it. I mean look at us; he has me, after everything, and I would never


    have believed that would ever happen.


    ¡°Good girl. Just stay by my side no matter what. I want you there so I can send a clear message. I need


    her to know that you are out of bounds no matter what happens today. If anything kicks off, stick to me


    like glue. Nothing will ever happen to you again, not as long as I¡¯m with you.¡± His words send a tremble


    of fear through me, tightening my gut but I know he will do what he says and keep me safe. He told me


    once he would die for me and I truly believe he would throw himself in front of a bullet to stop me


    getting hurt. I shudder internally and curl back against him, wrapping myself around his arm


    possessively to draw that security I need to keep me calm.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare die or get hurt or anything dramatic like that. I¡¯ll never forgive you,¡± I blurt out churlishly.


    Heart aching with the very real threat that it could happen.


    ¡°Duly noted, London.¡± Lexi pats my hand and strokes my cheek tenderly before pulling out his phone


    and stares at the screen. It¡¯s on silent so didn¡¯t ring. He puts it to his ear and mumbles something in


    Italian that goes right over my head.


    I zone out and stare at the scenery once more, hating this and working myself into an internal frenzy,


    so taut with nerves I feel sick. I just cling onto him and count down the streets we pass to keep myself


    calm. Willing this to be over, and I know as long as I keep breathing and keep my shit together, we will


    be leaving and heading home soon enough. I have to remind myself that this is just a blip and totally


    something he can handle.


    He¡¯s Alexi Carrero, maybe reformed for me but that badass psycho he can be is very much alive and


    kicking in that body and just waiting for the right ce toe out to y. I have faith in his ability. He


    didn¡¯t get that reputation by being a pussycat.


    When we pull into a downtrodden area of Chinatown, in a narrow alley, I¡¯m surprised to see what looks


    like a massage parlour looming over us and the familiar ck cars of Carrero security lining the street


    in which we park. Men are milling around and jump to attention the second we pull up, obviously been


    awaiting our arrival and briefed on what¡¯s required.


    I recognise many faces and feel instant relief knowing his men are here, surrounding the building, and


    as far as I can see, dominate the body count ratio with other men I assume belong to the other families.


    That safe circle of his family and my tension dissolves a little. Knowing there is safety in numbers and


    his men are all highly skilled and efficient. I feel better knowing he has an armed escort ready to wipe


    out anyone who should try to touch him.


    Alexi pulls me with him as he slides out the car, keeping me close, our fingers interlocked, and I notice


    the subtle handoff as Mico passes him a gun. Alexi slides it inside his jacket, tucking it God knows


    where, and I look away and count to ten under my breath to stop myself from reacting. He knows I saw


    but I won¡¯t show it. I won¡¯t let him see my stress levels skyrocketing. He squeezes my hand subtly as if


    to reassure me it¡¯s merely a precaution and we will be just fine. So tuned in to me, as I am to him,


    nowadays. I try for a soft smile but end up just giving him a weird grimace.


    As a group, surrounded by some of his men, we make our way through the small building, following


    Mico and are led into a bigger inner hall. A long, dark corridor scattered with everyday things like


    cleaning supplies, magazines and bric-a-brac that litter rickety side tables in a gloomy, badly lit building.


    It smells musty and damp and in no way morous at all.


    ¡°What is this ce?¡± I whisper quietly for Alexi¡¯s ears only. Afraid it¡¯s a setup as it seems such a bizarre


    meeting ce. I hope to God she doesn¡¯t own this and all these seemingly innocent workers milling in


    shadows and doorways aren¡¯t undercover assassins waiting to take us out. My brain''s being a little bit


    erratic, paranoia spiking when my body is tingling like a radar alerted to a million intruders, but I mean,


    in this world, anything could happen.


    ¡°It belongs to Santagato. He arranged the meet in a neutral zone so she couldn¡¯t manufacture


    anything.¡± Alexi¡¯s hushed confident tone suggests he trusts that decision. Always one step ahead.


    Okay, so he¡¯s smarter than I am, anyway. See this is why Alexi is the boss and I should trust his


    instincts.

 Chapter 188

    Chapter 188


    They lead us to arge, carved, ugly wooden door depicting nude women mid-orgy, and I eye roll at the


    crassness. Suits Santagato to a T. Mico slides in front of us quickly, knocks on it several times in a


    coded bang while we wait silently and patiently. Tension making the air so thick I can almost cut it with


    a knife. I have to still my trembling body, clinging onto him for dear life, focusing on his warm hand


    encasing mine snugly as a form of grounding and I repeat the mantra ¡®he will always protect me¡¯ inside


    my head.


    It¡¯s opened immediately and two men move aside as we are let into a dark, smoky room where several


    men are sitting at a long table. I cannot count how many there are, eyes scanning the crowded scene


    quickly as my focus tries to adjust rapidly. I swallow my breath, my heart plummets and I just let him


    take the lead.


    Alexi walks us in behind two of his men and Mico. I can tell at a nce which ones are the bosses, by


    their suits and grim expressions, while all the rest of the men in ck coats and heavy builds are


    obviously security. I catch sight of the enemy for the first time and instantly want to strangle the bitch to


    death as her eyes meet mine and she throws a smug little smirk our way.


    Sat halfway down the table and nked by two men in grey suits, she looks cocky and arrogant, homed


    in on us as we move in and get ushered to two empty seats at the head of the table.


    She¡¯s older than I expected, maybete forties, early fifties, dyed brown hair piled on her head messily,


    no doubt trying to look sexy. She has way too much makeup on to appear more attractive, but she is


    missing the natural beauty that''s needed to really pull off her look. Her clothes are tailored, an attempt


    at sharp businesswoman, but she just looks dowdy and out of ce.


    She¡¯s haggard and tired looking and I can¡¯t stop ring at her with as much venom as I can muster.


    Shecks that air ofmand that these ageing men and scary bosses have. Alexi has more presence


    in his pinkie toe than her entire entourage. She is a major disappointment to what I had built up in my


    head.


    ¡°Interesting. Bringing along your little toy to a sit-down, Alexi. So like you to send a message in


    everything you do.¡± She smirks to herself, so self-assured in the fact she thinks she knows why I¡¯m


    here, and it gives me a moment to throw a devious smile her way. Knowing she has no clue why my


    presence here is so important or what I am to him now. She is about to get a rude awakening that will


    wipe that idiotic arsehole look off her fake face.


    Alexi ignores her, it¡¯s like she didn¡¯t even address him at all and just looks to where he is guiding me.


    He leads us to our seats, in his own time, and pulls my chair out for me, patiently waiting while I slide in


    and he finally lets my hand go before pushing it in for me again as I connect. Deliberately slow and


    controlled, making it clear no one rushes him or gets any sort of interaction until he decides. It¡¯s a


    power y on his part and as the room fallspletely silent, I realise how effective it is.


    It¡¯s odd being sat at the top of these men, looking down the long narrow expanse of table littered with


    sses and elbows. The other men in the room nod our way and give mumbled greetings, nods,


    showing their respect, and it¡¯s pretty obvious, even to me, that despite it being a five-family treaty, they


    treat Alexi like the Godfather. Head of the table says it all. They have been waiting for him and cing


    him here gives him the authority in this meeting.


    He sits after I¡¯m settled and leans back in his chair before fixing his gaze on the woman who caused us


    so much grief. Precise in his manner, smoothing his jacket out and moves his water ss to the side


    out of his way. Making it obvious he isn¡¯t in any way bothered by her presence.


    ¡°What did I miss?¡± Alexi throws it out there and turns his attention to Santagato with a shoulder rotate,


    easing out his muscle, like two dudes catching up after the gym.


    I cringe when I see that man, sitting directly to my right, and try not to look at him too obviously, hoping


    no one really notices me tucked in here. Santagato is still a letch and a dangerous man I want no


    interaction with. He may not have made an attempt on my life, but he is still one hell of a bastard.


    Apart from her, I¡¯m the only other woman in the room and it makes me wholly ufortable. The


    symbolism in that is overwhelming. These men do not bring their women to this shit. Alexi has to be


    breaking some sort of rule, surely.


    ¡°Just ourdy here bigging herself up and trying to convince us we should allow her to take her father¡¯s


    ce in the treaty to govern New York.¡± Santagato sneers at that, obviously not impressed.


    Alexiughs, that deep sadistic chuckle, as though it¡¯s highly amusing to him, and rocks back in his


    chair a little more. Fixing her with a prative gaze that could shatter ss. I hold my breath and


    posture, still as a statue and just watch, unable to do much else. So tense I literally feel rigid. Alexi


    seems right at home though, surrounded by these suits and taking over his chair like he owns it.


    ¡°Your father never had a ce in this treaty so there is no ce to take, Marianne.¡± He fixes her with a


    prative gaze, and she has the audacity tough right back. Smug in herself and no clue who she is


    dealing with. She has no concept of who he can be and that is worrying. I might start the timer on how


    long it takes before she finds out.


    ¡°We both know that¡¯s just a technicality. We were supposed to be a part of this until your families wiped


    them all out.¡± She raises a haughty brow and I nce at Alexi quickly, the amused chuckle, the small


    shake of his head. Not bothered by her retort.


    ¡°You take no responsibility for his actions then? The reason we had to. He ced hits on our families''


    most vulnerable, like a coward!¡± Another boss steps in, enraged at the nerve of the woman, bursting


    forward onto the table and mming his hands down in rage. I sit back and watch as the men around


    the table mutter theirints at her wed logic loudly. Getting agitated verbally and Alexi raises his


    palm to hush them all into immediate silence. They do as instructed, a deathly silent wave falling over


    us instantly which again confirms he is boss in this today.


    ¡°Is that the legacy you wish to carry on?¡± he asks her smoothly, taking control once more.


    Marianne looks around them all and smiles like a Cheshire cat. Unfazed at their grumbles and I can


    see her mistake. She assumes these fat rich men have gone soft in all the years of living in a peaceful


    city. She thinks she can swoop in with a little intimidation and just take up a ce left vacant by her


    father.


    Why? Because she thinks Alexi is the only one to be reckoned with and she thinks she has his number.


    He didn¡¯t retaliate so maybe he has gone soft. I can see it in her eyes. The far too confident brain of a


    stupid woman who has be power drunk on her achievements so far. She has no idea who she is


    fucking with or that the only thing holding him back is his family.


    ¡°I want to carry on where my father left off. I have way more capability to rule than he ever did.¡±


    She thinks this sit-down is like a little business negotiation where she puts her demands, and all is


    forgiven and forgotten. She showed her muscle and her reach by targeting women that had no real


    value and now thinks she has earned a ce in the group of New York¡¯s most powerful. She thinks she


    can leave here today with a position on their board and a chunk of New York in her pocket.


    As if it was that easy.


    Woman thinks the crime lords have got rich, fat andzy over the years and want to avoid bloodshed at


    all costs. You can tell she has never existed among the underbelly of these people or seen how


    disposable life is when someone gets in their way. She was raised spoiled, wealthy and entitled, and


    has a superiority that will be her undoing. She is no crime lord at all. Just a cocky bitch with a few hired


    guns and a lot of money. No match for my man and I can already see the cogs turning in his head as


    he sizes her up.


    He is gifted at reading people in situations like this, and I can tell he is rxing by the second with what


    faces him. A fly on his windscreen and easy to squish. I rx too, a little reassured this will not be the


    bloodfest I envisioned and lean towards him to feel his body heat through my dress, to slow my racing


    heart and find that much-needed security of being near him.


    ¡°So, what do you bring to the table, aside from murdering women and children?¡± Alexi cuts through all


    the bullshit of this y nice conversation and she fixes her attention on him with a sly little look.


    ¡°Oh, little Alessandro Carrero. You seem to be the main man nowadays. You know, I wasn¡¯t surprised


    to hear you had grown through the ranks until you took control as head of the board. Even at thirteen,


    when you shot my fianc¨¦e, you showed promise as a ruthless leader. What happened to you, huh?


    Where is that formidable killer I heard so much about? Seems to me that was all pissing in the wind to


    scare off folks trying to move into this city. Was that your first andst killing, little boy?¡± She deflects


    with sarcasm, trying to show the upper hand and humiliate him. Eyes narrowed and prick side on show.


    Oh, I swear to God. Shoot her Alexi. Right in the face, in fact, do it somewhere that makes her die


    slowly so I can take the time to stick the bird at her and watch her squirm in agony.


    I haven¡¯t hated anyone this much in a long time but damn, I fucking hate this cow. Her attitude when


    she doesn¡¯t even know him. I wriggle in my seat as volcanic temper simmers inside me and try so hard


    to be as still and panther-like as he is. All that perfect cool control he has is breathtaking. He just fixes


    her with that deadpan look that used to drive me nuts.


    ¡°You¡¯ll have to try harder than that if you want to get a rise out of me. Your maniption skills leave a


    lot to be desired. I guess age is not always an indicator of skills orpetence, olddy.¡± Alexi, smooth


    and smug, sweeps in and shuts her down with a controlled tone, a putdown and aid-back


    manoeuvre; he casually lounges in his chair, so he looks bored as hell with minimum effort. The man


    who stood in my hospital room and scared the bejesus out of me is here in all his glory, owning this


    scenario, manipting it subtly. She just shrugs, trying to deliver the same level of iciness, but cannot


    hide the way her hand trembles as she reaches for water to moisten her dry throat. Annoyed that he


    just rebuffed her cattiness effortlessly and made her look foolish.


    I already know Alexi would never sate his thirst and show a hint of weakness or fear. A dry throat


    definitely signals apprehension and nerves. Amateur move girly, even I know that.


    ¡°If I had anything to worry about, I would be dead already. It¡¯s obvious things have slipped since my


    father¡¯s day.¡± She smiles bitchily, a wobble in her voice and I guess his manner is unnerving her. That


    icy, prating gaze that pierces your soul as he pulls you apart, and does so in such stealth stillness,


    it freaks everyone out.


    He truly is the King when ites to this stuff.


    ¡°Cute.¡± He just smiles devilishly and seems wholly amused at her attempts to better him. Marianne


    takes another drink, lifts a brow to signal she isn¡¯t affected, but her bodynguage is dissolving and it¡¯s


    obvious she is starting to waiver. I think she expected an easier negotiation and straight down to


    business, as her ballsy attitude has a shelf life. It was all a front in a bid to appear in control until the


    real man of the hour swept in and showed her how a boss acts. No one can prepare you for a


    showdown with Alexi and it¡¯s obvious she wasn¡¯t expecting the thirteen-year-old kid she remembers to


    be this predator before her.


    Good looks, impable DNA and a sexy wardrobe throw you off a little at first, but five seconds talking


    to his demon side and you know your number''s up. He wears intimidation like a cloak and its aura is


    strong.


    Alexi¡¯sp lights up under the table and draws my eye. I realise he has his cell phone sitting just out of


    sight and he nces down so subtly it¡¯s practically unnoticed. I side squint at his face unsure what his


    message says but I catch Santagato throwing him a sideways nce too before he looks down to


    where his hand is under the table. I guess he has texted him.


    The hackles on my neck rise as, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Mico is throwing some shady


    looks to the man on his left after he looks at his own phone, and the overwhelming sense of foreboding


    hits me hard. Tiny hints and signals from Alexi¡¯s men that most would miss but I know theirnguage


    from watching them protect the club. Something is stirring.


    The one Mico is eyeing up I don¡¯t recognise, and a strange atmosphere seems to emanate from Alexi


    almost instantly. Something changing in the surrounding air.


    ¡°Is that all you have to say? You¡¯re awfully quiet, are you trying to scramble aeback?¡± Smug bitch


    raises a brow, and I really want to throw my ss at her.


    ¡°Not at all. Just a bad cell phone reception day.¡± Alexi jokes and she looks confused at that response.


    As am I. I turn to him questioningly as he sits up a little straighter, ces his phone on the table in front


    of him carefully, and locks eyes on her menacingly.


    ¡°Just awaiting a signal ... much like this one,¡± Alexi smirks, nods in a hardly noticeable way that would


    look like nothing to anyone else, and suddenly everything erupts. One tilt of his chin and men leap into


    instant action.


    In the blink of an eye, the men on either side of her are yanked backwards violently, by the men in suits


    behind that I thought were with her. Clear stic bags pulled over their heads and zip tied around their


    throats in the most grotesque, frightening fashion; so fast it¡¯s like a dance that has been rehearsed to


    precision, stealthily done. It¡¯s speedy and efficient, and she lets out a scream as the man behind her


    grabs her wrists and pins her to the table in a full body hold that disables her from helping her men.


    I literally recoil in panic, nearly swallowing my tongue as my heart rips out of my chest and I¡¯m hit with a


    cold wave of fear.


    The other men at the table react in many ways. Some gasp and lurch back in their chairs, shocked,


    some sit steadfast, unfazed by this brutal scene, but it¡¯s Santagato and Alexi who draw my eye as the


    fear and panic course through me, strangling me into frozen terror. My heart almost selfbusting,


    it¡¯s hammering so fast, but I hold firm like I told him I would. Unable to do anything else.


    Keep your shit together, breathe.


    They nod at each other, a clear signal of partnered nning as two men in front of my eyes suffocate to


    death slowly in the most terrifying and traumatising few minutes. Bodies twitching and writhing while


    being held still by muscr men with zero expression. The wide-eyed terror and gasping, godawful


    sounds as the bags dete, fog up and cling to their faces, sucking into the cavernous space made by


    gaping mouths and the whole table shudders with the kicks of their feet trying to get them loose.


    I swallow instant tears, choke on panic and cling to the table until my knuckles turn white. Labouring


    breaths as I try to keep my head together. It¡¯s excruciating to watch and nothing at all like in the


    movies.


    My skin pales all over as life and blood drains away, yet I¡¯m rooted to the spot watching this horrific


    scene, knowing instinctively I shouldn¡¯t show any weakness to what I¡¯m witnessing.


    No one else moves or speaks until the gasping and thrashing subsides and two bodies slump forward


    heavily and facepalm the desk. They are dumped unceremoniously now that life has been stolen away.


    It¡¯s awful and I feel like I¡¯m sat in some daymare, grasping Alexi¡¯s leg under the table to try to keep


    myself calm as the woman¡¯s wails turn raspy, tears streaming down her face. Herposure gone and


    skin white as mine must be.


    ¡°Why? Why?¡± She screams again as she is released and grabs at the man on her right, but try as she


    might to rouse him, it¡¯s obvious he''s dead. Pulling at him, pawing at the bag on his head to get it off


    with fumbling fingers as she realises, she''s toote. It¡¯s pathetic and traumatising and my eyes bite with


    tears, emotion swirling at what I just witnessed.Content is property of N?velDrama.Org.


    Alexi stays steadfast, slides a hand over mine to offer gentle touch and remind me he''s still with me. I


    inhale heavily to calm my own shuddering limbs and pull myself together as quietly as I can. Shock


    overtaking.


    ¡°You really should know better than to move into my city ande after my wife. Did you really think I


    would ever let someone threaten mine and not fucking react?¡± Thosest few biting words of cruelty


    and Alexi¡¯s devilish, sadistic tone, that can still put the fear of God into me, shuts up the hysterical


    banshee across from me. She looks up, tears pouring down her sodden, blotchy face, makeup running,


    skin white and almost translucent with the fear of knowing this is the end for her. Her badly yed n


    coming back to bite her in the arse as she clings to a limp body that offers no help anymore. Breaking


    in front of me.


    That revtion caught her attention, and the ripple of head turns around us highlight she isn¡¯t the only


    one shocked by this news. Everyone seated looks our way except Santagato, who smiles like an evil


    psycho and turns his chair until he faces her. Revelling in this gruesome scene with an unhinged smile


    on his face. It¡¯s clear it¡¯s no surprise to him that Alexi married me, and now I know who Alexi was on


    the phone tost night working this all out.


    ¡°Your ¡­¡± she gasps, failing to say the words, choking on them as though chewing sawdust. The heavy


    silence as it sinks in with everyone around the table what that means, is deafening.


    I clutch my hands into balled fists so firmly my nails dig into my palms, but I just can¡¯t stand this


    anymore. I¡¯m fighting so hard to be gracious and poised while inside I¡¯m terrified and on the verge of an


    all-out panic attack. The only thing keeping me sane is Alexi¡¯s hand on my thigh now I have moved my


    fingers out of his.


    ¡°Yes ¡­ my wife. Guess your intel wasn¡¯t all that. And yes, I know who it was, and we won¡¯t be hearing


    from Lucie anymore. I took care of that problem already.¡±


    I gasp at that, the vision of that fat little gimp from the club spinning into my brain and I gawp at Alexi¡¯s


    profile in utter shock.


    Lucie was a Carrero, well sort of. Married in and supposedly trusted, but even I know that won¡¯t save


    anyone who betrays them. I don¡¯t even have to wonder what happened to him. Lucie is probably fish


    food in concrete boots as we speak, as there is no way in hell the Carreros would let that shit slide.


    Now I know why he was sullen when returningst night. One of their own turned on them and for him


    that¡¯s a low blow.


    Marianne looks defeated. She doesn¡¯t deny who was feeding her information on which girl to target and


    it all makes sense. The jealous little prick thought we were screwing before we ever were. He hated my


    position in the club over his and I can see why he would run off to sell his intel to anyone who would


    take me out of the picture.


    Complete wanker.


    That¡¯s how she invaded the security and paid off people in the club. How they knew the fire escape led


    from the office and how to get me alone. Little prick, I hope Alexi made him suffer when he found out.


    And I hope it was slow.


    I now know why his father wanted to see him, andst night they took an hour to talk. No doubt


    nning, dealing with their own and his betrayal. All skeletons falling out of the cupboard one after the


    other.


    Jesus Christ.


    ¡°You and I are going to get very well-acquainted Marianne. See Alexi here, he did me the honour of


    saving my son from a man who made an attempt on his life. It seems only fair I deal with the woman


    who made an attempt on Alexi¡¯s wife. An eye for an eye. Well within the code. A debt repaid on my


    terms.¡± Santagato breaks into my swirling thoughts and I snap my focus to him, that sadistic look in his


    eye that prates hers and I can tell he is looking forward to whatever he has nned. Alexi¡¯s


    maniption of that shooting paying off in a way he never meant. Tying up loose ends without getting


    his hands dirty.


    It¡¯s alling together so effortlessly, like he said it would.


    Her face dropspletely and thest desperate look around the room at what I had assumed were


    her men, sees no one stepping in to help her. In fact, several men relinquish their guns on the table and


    file out of the room silently, showing their decision to walk away, knowing what will happen to them if


    they do not. No ounce of fight in the ones who are not her blood, and no one stops them from leaving. I


    guess they''d already agreed not to intervene before this went down; it would exin why I¡¯m now


    seeing Carrero and Santagato men behind everyone one of them within this room. Just in case they


    tried. This really was a hastily nned meeting, and they tried to cover all bases.


    She begins to sob desperately and try as I might to muster any kind of empathy for her, I cannot. She


    brought this on herself when she came after people they cared about. When she came after me.


    ¡°Any opposition to Santagato clearing his debt to me in this way, raise hands now. This is not my


    choice to make. I don¡¯t lord over another family head.¡± Alexi asks the room and there is a tense silence


    as the men look from one to the other, yet no one moves to raise a hand. A murmur of low chatter as


    some whisper to one another, a wave of unease that travels around us as theye to a decision on


    what affects them all. It¡¯s a treaty, and I guess with an important decision like this, he likes them to think


    they helped even if it¡¯s clear it¡¯s already decided.


    The tension is killing me, my insides are crumbling to dust as my heart rate elevates once more and I


    shit myself on so many levels. Even being beside Alexi is doing nothing to alleviate my growing fear


    while he''s in Mafia King mode, cold and cruel and I can¡¯t stand it. We need to get out of here before I


    throw up or pass out. I¡¯ve had enough and as hard as I¡¯m trying to keep myself in check I¡¯m sweating,


    terrified of witnessing more than I have already and watching whatever heinous acts they subject this


    woman to.


    I have seen a lot in my lifetime, but watching a woman being raped and tortured cuts too close to the


    bone and I just can¡¯t. I start trembling again, praying Alexi would never expect me to watch this. He


    loves me; he knows it would leave its mark on me. Even if she deserves to die.


    I¡¯m frantically holding myself together with every ounce of strength I can muster and on the verge of


    crying.


    ¡°No ... No ¡­ NOOO!¡± Marianne screams at all of us and jumps up to do a runner. Her fear overtaking


    and survival mode kicking in. She is blocked by men all around her, forced back into a seat brutally with


    no care to the fact she is female, and duct taped down for good measure. She thrashes and fights but


    it¡¯s futile. They manhandle her roughly and one delivers a backhanded p across her face to quieten


    her. The noise reverberating around the room and through me so I shudder at it.


    I bite on my lip to quell the emotions. Sit painfully still and concentrate on breathing. It¡¯s a brutal


    reminder of what worth women have in this world. How sadistic and cruel these men are, and how


    lucky I am to have someone to make sure this is never me again. Alexi doesn¡¯t even blink. She made


    her bed and he has no qualms about what happens to her.


    With another nod from Alexi her mouth is duct taped too, to shut up the god-awful squawking to bring


    some quiet back to this echoey space. It¡¯s clinical, like something out of a gangster movie and I feel


    faint as my blood soars in my ears and crashes around my brain. I haven¡¯t been this scared in a long


    time, and I have to keep looking to him to remind myself I¡¯m safe. This isn¡¯t happening to me. No one is


    going to touch me.


    Alexi gets up, walks behind me, trailing a gentle fingertip across my back as he does so, another


    calming measure because he can sense I¡¯m iling and circles the room until he gets to her side of the


    table. Walks up, parting the men out of his way so he has a clear path to her, and ends up by her side;


    leaning down so his mouthes level with her ear, he looks right at me. That emotionless dark look


    of a human devoid of all remorse and emotion that makes my heart stop beating. A reminder of who he


    is, staring me in the face.


    What they don¡¯t know is, it¡¯s also his way of giving me a focus and keeping me sane, diffusing my fear


    and taking control of this room while his bride is in it. He knows I won¡¯t be able to stand watching them


    tear her apart.


    He ces a palm on either side of her deliberately and slowly, so he can hold his weight up and leans


    down menacingly. Towering over her, caging her in and calmly holds his pose, not breaking a sweat or


    any outward signs of tension.


    ¡°You see her right there?¡± He nods my way. It¡¯s loud enough for everyone to hear him in the now silent


    room, husky and low with that cruel tone that brings out goosebumps and makes my hair stand on end


    instantly. My body tingling with anxiety at the appearance of Devil Carrero. Someone I hoped to never


    face again.


    I can¡¯t look away from him, even if he is a stranger like this. Eyes locked on mine, so cool and devoid of


    everything, and I have to keep reminding myself that this is okay. This is who he can be. It means


    nothing to me because it¡¯s not who he is for me. I have nothing to fear from this version of him. It¡¯s a


    very well-yed ruse and he is still inside there. I will never have to be afraid of any version of him,


    even here. If anything were to happen, he woulde for me, shield me and never let any of them


    touch me. I know it in my heart. This is just one of his many faces and means nothing in our


    rtionship anymore.


    This is his mask, and he wears it like a second skin because he has to. He¡¯s the reason his family can


    live happy safe lives, this is his duty and who he has to be. This is not MY Lexi; this is THE Alexi


    Carrero and as soon as he''s done, I will find my parts of him and get the fuck out of here.


    I just keep chanting it in my head as the tear-sodden woman nods, her body shaking so visibly she is


    practically vibrating, and the stench of human urine fills the air. I gag, my heart ripping to shreds at


    witnessing such extreme human fear. Alexi looks down, moves his feet with a hint of disgust and


    returns to his intimidating pose, avoiding what puddle she just left on the floor.


    I can smell the fearing from her, can feel her heart pulsating through mine in unison, her


    adrenaline spiking to almost heart-stopping levels. She knows this is the end of the road. I can¡¯t


    imagine what that feels like right now and sat here looking at it, I¡¯m torn about what I feel.


    ¡°She¡¯s the reason this is how it ends for you, should she deem it so. You fucked with the wrong girl.


    That¡¯s my queen and touching a hair on her head gets you killed. Your life hangs on whatever she


    agrees to, so maybe it¡¯s her you should start begging.¡± He straightens up a little to look at me from a


    better viewpoint, and I can feel eyes burning into me from all directions. Men sitting up to take an


    interest in the woman who stole the heart of their emotionless leader and whom he now rests so much


    importance on. Eating into me and questioning the worth of the sassy redhead who runs his club.


    There¡¯s a mutter of unease and I can feel it right down to my toes, the assumption I¡¯m some fake


    imposter who is turning Alexi soft.


    Alexi just publicly made it known that touching me, ever, is a fate worse than death and informed even


    his closest allies that I¡¯m forever out of bounds. He marked me as his queen. The guy who used to hide


    us from the world. It¡¯s another move on his part to make sure I¡¯m always safe and no one can im


    they didn¡¯t know. No one can deny knowing I¡¯m his wife now, protected under his family name and


    marked as the shortest route to death should they ever touch me. They know me by sight.


    ¡°London? Yay or nay to seeing the end of this reign of terror and letting someone else deal with it? It¡¯s


    our shout as to how this goes. My insult on my family to pass off.¡± Alexi addresses me and I nch at


    what he¡¯s asking. Shocked to be singled out in this room of psychos, but I get it. It¡¯s a show of


    leadership. Some other head wants to take care of his problem to settle a debt and he won¡¯t lose face


    by admitting his family have tied his hands. It¡¯s insanely clever. We pretend to relinquish something we


    want to do to let Santagato off with what he owes. Tying it all up nicely.


    He wants my permission to give Santagato the go ahead. He wants the men in this room to


    acknowledge my importance in the decision to make her someone else¡¯s problem. Even though she


    affected a lot of them, somehow me being a wife gives him trumps on her being his problem. He is the


    only one with a genuine reason to sentence her to death, ording to their code. It¡¯s almostughable


    and so juvenile. His hands are cuffed, so he is handing her off to someone who now has a reason to do


    it instead. It¡¯s Mafia politics at their finest.


    A mistress is worthless, a wife isw.


    I hesitate, aware of everyone looking my way, his words filtering through my head at a hundred miles


    an hour and I remember the one thing he asked me to promise.


    ¡°I need you to be my girl, the one who keeps her shit together and shows them how strong a queen she


    is.¡±


    It¡¯s running through my mind as the force of eyes eating into me, dig and pressure me into an almost


    hysterical level of anxiety, but I breathe slowly and do my best to maintain my poise and stillness. I


    have honed this act for a lifetime and my acting ability does not fail me now.


    I can do this. I can pull this off and not show any weakness. I have learned from the best at how to be


    outwardly cold, and now I need to show my mentor I can be worthy to stand by his side in this part of


    his world. I may only have to do this once and forever be sheltered and safe from any future threats.


    This is symbolic. He wants me to take my ce and show his peers I¡¯m not to be crossed. That I¡¯m as


    ruthless as he is, and they should respect me. He is crowning me, just like he said he would. I doubt he


    will ever put me in this position again for the rest of my life after this. Once will be enough. I know what


    I have to do.


    I take a slow, steady and deliberate inhale to bring my voice to a calm level, and I look him straight in


    the eye, using him as a source of grounding and locking a solid, steadfast expression on my face.


    As long as he is with me, I shouldn¡¯t be afraid.


    ¡°Let him kill the bitch, I¡¯m bored already and want to go get some lunch. I¡¯m starving.¡± My voice is husky


    and strong, and it doesn¡¯t even sound like ites from me for a moment. Such is the alien nature of


    that cold tone andmanding voice I omit. Genuine boredom in the haughty, emotionless delivery. It


    startles me, it¡¯s so convincing, but Alexi smiles sadistically, amused by my deliverance, looking proud,


    and finally straightens uppletely. He also got my hint that I don¡¯t want to stick around for this and


    see more than I have to. I drew a line for him, and that subtle nod tells me he understood.


    ¡°Guess we¡¯re done here. She¡¯s all yours, Santagato. Do what you want with her and enjoy the rest of


    your day. I have lunch ns with my wife.¡± Curt and polite, so not like someone sentencing a person to


    death, and I lift my chin and toss back my hair hoping to look as equally unbothered.


    The fear in the woman¡¯s eyes cuts me to the core, but I force myself not to look away, aware I¡¯m on


    show, and these men are sizing me up for my worth by Alexi¡¯s side. They see their cold and cruel


    leader picking himself a mate; I need to show I haven¡¯t softened him or give them a reason to doubt


    who he still is. Love hasn¡¯t changed the fact he¡¯s a badass and worthy of his title, and they need to see


    that.


    This is a reaffirmation that Alexi is still who he always was and my appearance in his life and kingdom


    only makes him stay strong to the evil he can be. They all rely on his calcting mind and emotionless


    decisions to keep the bnce in this city. If I showed myself as something that ruined that, they would


    make sure I was eliminated. Alexi is important, more so than I ever factored before.


    ¡°Here, here.¡± A lone voice from an elderly man is apanied by a table thump, then another, and


    another, and soon all the men are thumping agreement to mymand, and her fate is sealed. The


    room changing in atmosphere and noise levels as whispers turn to chatter and riotous energy


    surrounds us. Like a mob awaiting a hanging, they are all getting excited at what they get to do to this


    lowly woman in their midst.


    It¡¯s disgusting, and I don¡¯t doubt there will be many who stay to witness her demise. That¡¯s who these


    people are. I never really had a say. Her fate had only one ending.


    Alexi walks back around until he stands behind me, keeping space between my back and his position,


    just a gentle reminder my love is still in there, aware of getting too close to me in this way. I sit stiffly,


    aware of his presence and feel instantly calmer knowing he is close again even if it¡¯s behind me and


    making me antsy.


    ¡°Let this be the end of it. Her family name dies with her, and from here on in, any of her rtives show


    up in this state, we end it on arrival. Agreed?¡± Alexi throws out the question to the room and gets a


    chorus of a unanimous yes. No hesitations, no chatter, almost a jolly roar of agreement as they poise


    awaiting their bloody show. Worked up on entertaining violenceing their way. I shudder inwardly.


    He taps my shoulder, indicating I should get up, and I do so as gracefully as I can. Quickly because


    every cell and nerve ending is itching to run the hell out of here, and I avoid looking at their prisoner


    once more. Santagato¡¯s eyes follow me as I do so, and he nods right in my direction. Catching me


    unawares, standing as we get ready to depart.


    ¡°Mrs Carrero.¡± It¡¯s a friendly nod and smile and it¡¯s again followed by a chorus from the men


    surrounding us. All standing and showing their respect with nods and murmured goodbyes as we


    leave. Showing respect for his wife and then repeat it to him. It¡¯s overwhelming to suddenly be treated


    as something of worth among the men who treated me as an object to be used only months ago.


    ¡°We¡¯re leaving.¡± Alexi takes my hand and pulls me out of the seating area, men moving to let us out


    and Mico re-joins us as we reach the door. Bringing back our circle of security to nk us, and I


    instantly rx in this haven of ck Carrero suits who are a sign that we''re going, and this is done. I try


    to push that bitch out of my head even though a tiny hint of remorse is swirling in my brain, I remind


    myself she deserves it. My life or hers. It¡¯s that simple.


    I don¡¯t turn and look back at the pitiful woman, pushing her out of my head and conscience once and


    for all and vow never to think of her again. Filing her with Rick and anyone else in my past whoever


    hurt me. They are not important anymore.


    She is getting what she deserves, and I don¡¯t doubt Santagato will exact revenge for killing his mistress


    before he delivers the fatal blow. She took something from him too, and it seems like he was just


    looking for the excuse to punish her for it. I wouldn¡¯t want to fall into his possession to be tortured and


    murdered. I know how these men can be and I will, thankfully, never be on the receiving end again.

 Chapter 189

    Chapter 189


    Soon as we get out the door Mico nks me on one side with Alexi on the other and we are instantly


    surrounded by more Carrero security. Like a ck wall that¡¯s imprable and offers instant calm to


    my frazzled brain. Guiding us efficiently and shielding us from all angles. Overkill, but I guess I¡¯m


    thankful for it.


    ¡°What about the rest of her outfit?¡± Alexi asks as we walk briskly out of the building, the first to leave,


    but I can already hear chairs scraping as others depart, now we have. Some of them eager to walk


    away now they''ve found a resolution to this debacle.


    It¡¯s weird how something that hung over us for months is tied up with a bow in one very brief sitting. I


    can¡¯t get my head around the fact the threat is gone, and I no longer need to live under house arrest for


    any reason. A sudden lightness to my mood as the heavy weight of burden is lifted.


    ¡°Most departed as soon as they heard their source of ie was about to be put down. No one is


    loyal when they¡¯re hired hands. Santagato¡¯s men have already taken down anyone true to her. We


    stayed back and watched, exactly like you said. No Carreroid hands on any of them, nothinges


    back to us.¡± Mico touches his earpiece and mutters something under his breath for his men¡¯s ears only.


    Stalling so he falls behind us slightly and I try to just continue with my graceful, poised walk out of this


    miserable ce.


    I slide my arm in Alexi¡¯s, needing him to be more normal for me right now, aching for his touch as my


    heart rate still pounds erratically through my body, silently clinging on, but he continues talking. Too


    aware that we are on show and he can¡¯t let that mask drop just yet, not even for me while in public.


    ¡°Good. I¡¯ll call my father and tell him it¡¯s done. He can inform the family that Santagato chose his own


    repay. Carrero didn¡¯t issue any orders. Can¡¯t be pissed if I didn¡¯t disobey them.¡± He sounds smug,


    satisfied with the hand he yed, and somehow miraculously got the oue he wanted all along¡ª


    clever bastard.


    Even I have to admit that¡¯s probably a smart way around it.


    ¡°An eventful weekend all round.¡± Mico reappears by my side with a smile on his face and Alexi smiles


    too, ncing my way with a loaded look. Understatement of the century.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel if I¡¯m being honest. I just gave the finalmand to end that woman¡¯s life and I


    should feel something. Maybe guilt or regret but there is an empty ck hole in my gut, and I feel like


    I¡¯m disconnected to my surroundings now we are no longer in that room. Stuck in a dreamlike haze.


    Maybe because I spent my life dissociating with horrible things, so it¡¯s like second nature and I can just


    shrug it off and leave it behind me. Maybe this is how Alexi deals with shit. He¡¯s normalised trauma and


    heinous acts and can drop them by the door as he walks away like an unwanted sack of rubble.


    I feel out of whack and jump when Alexi¡¯s hand slides across my back and snaps me back to reality. I


    realise we are out on the street, standing at the car door, and he is trying to guide me inside away from


    prying eyes. I have turned zombie on him and shivering with the after-effects of that room. Mental state


    deteriorating a tad.


    ¡°Just hold it in for a few more minutes until we are out of sight, and earshot.¡± He whispers huskily in my


    ear, kissing me on my temple to hide his rushed prompt. I bite on my bottom lip, get in the car while


    holding onto his arm and slide across to let him in quickly. He follows suit, gets in and immediately pulls


    out his phone and looks down to type. Staying in role and I try to not rush over to throw myself at him


    despite needing to so badly. I¡¯m folding in on myself internally and I need my rock and anchor to help


    me get my head back on track. I need my gentle Lexi, not this Mafia boss beside me.


    I catch a glimpse of men in the hoards departing the building, splitting into cars and just keep my eyes


    forward on the road, face tight and emotions in check. We are still on show which I guess is why Alexi


    is not touching me a lot. They would see it as weak or odd for him to be tenderly mollycoddling me after


    that little scene. These are men who deal with far worse, so if he is seen tending to my fragile self after


    something so minor, it would prove I don¡¯t have the constitution for this life, and he¡¯s going soft.


    It¡¯s all smoke and mirrors and games.


    I keep it together with all my might, watching the road as Mico and our escort of cars navigate through


    the tight little streets of the colourful Chinatown and gets us back on track, heading out to Upper


    Manhattan. Back into fast traffic and homeward bound.


    Once we lose most of the foreign cars that had followed us, Alexi turns to check over his shoulder and


    the side windows before turning to me, scoots closer, pulls me against him in a hug and slides his arm


    around me. Secure in the knowledge we are finally out of sight and he knows I desperately need him in


    this way.


    ¡°You okay? I¡¯m sorry I had to put you through that, but it was necessary.¡± He slides both arms around


    me to envelop me, pulling me in tightly so my seatbelt strains and I rest my cheek on his chest; I close


    my eyes to breathe him in and return to that safety he always makes me feel. Unloading the heavy


    weight of everything like dumping off a huge thick coat. Suddenly able to breathe and realise how


    tightly I was holding myself until this moment. I dissolve into a mess of loose limbs now he has me. I


    can let it go, knowing he will take the burden away.


    ¡°I will be. It was a shock. You should have warned me what wasing, Lexi. I could have prepared


    myself for that.¡± My voice trembles and I close my eyes as his finger traces my cheek and brushes my


    hair away from my face tenderly. So familiar, and so necessary for me.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know for sure it would. Santagato was still trying to get a reach out on everyone in her


    organisation until I got that text. We weren¡¯t sure if we had everyone covered as the meeting was so


    rushed andst minute. We had no room for error or bacsh. It had to be one even sweep or it wasn¡¯t


    happening.¡± He kisses me on top of my head, lingering to inhale my scent and ground me fully; I slide


    my arms around him and detepletely. Head whirling with images of men suffocating right in front


    of my face. Pushing the horror away along with the broken face of that woman. I shudder slightly as I


    close them down tight in a ck hole far in the depths of my mind.


    ¡°So, they''re all gone?¡±


    Theplete wipeout of a threat in a very organised hour. It¡¯s mind-boggling that they could


    orchestrate that kind of efficiency in just one night.


    ¡°She had a lot of paid guns who were only too happy to walk away to fight another day. Her trust circle


    was small, and the two men with her were her stepsons, not blood. Their father died years ago. There


    is no one toe after this. It¡¯s over. Her family abroad won¡¯t retaliate, they wanted nothing to do with


    this.¡± He assures me and there is no hint of dishonesty in his tone. It really is over.


    I¡¯m guessing they reached out via his father and checked what the oue of doing something to her


    would be. Her family clearly had more sense than she did.


    ¡°What a stupid woman. Thinking she could take on the likes of you lot and live to tell the tale.¡± I shake


    my head, pulling back to get lost in those calming grey eyes. Finding the safe harbour in the pale


    unearthly beauty.


    ¡°She thought she had figured it all out, much like her idiot father did decades ago. Come in with a show


    of force and put fear into the other heads. Bully them into letting you lead. The logic is wed. You


    should always know your opponents and their capabilities before throwing down a gauntlet. I was never


    going to just brush this off.¡±


    ¡°She wanted power and position. She just went about it in the worst way.¡± I understand the silly girl¡¯s


    logic and I nch at why she ever thought it would work. These are men who have power and a


    ruthless desire to keep it. They don¡¯t hand it over to women with attitude that easily. Her gender was


    the first fault in her n.


    ¡°Should have married me, huh; maybe she would be sitting at the head of the next table issuing orders


    if she had.¡± He jests but I don¡¯t smile. This whole bizarre scene wasn¡¯t funny, but I see the funny in


    what he said. I spent my life trying to be someone and in one drunken Elvis service, I¡¯m suddenly a


    respected figure among the men I hated and endured my entire life. It really is a fucked-up world out


    there.


    She wanted this power; she fought and killed for it, and where is she now. Left in a room with


    murderous men who will make herst hours hell on earth, for merely trying to get what they have, in


    ways they probably gained it to begin with. The imbnce of this misogynist world we live in.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go home. This has been a hellish few days and I just want to curl up and have a normal day to


    forget all this.¡± I¡¯m exhausted, mentally and physically, and feel like we''ve been stuck in an emotional


    whirlwind for thest few days. I want nothing more than his couch, Alexi and Lync curled up beside


    me, some mindless Netflix box set and a good ss of red wine. Pretending none of this is real. Like


    normal people do. Home sounds like the most amazing thing at this moment.


    To detach and put this all to bed. To forget, to be wrapped in the bubble of ¡®Camlexi¡¯ where this reality is


    a blur and doesn¡¯t really touch me anymore.


    ¡°I second that. I need to go outter, but you can have me all to yourself for a few hours first. My father


    is flying in, we have a board meeting tonight to talk about how this went down.¡±


    Obviously not something they want to discuss over the phone.


    I sigh at the reality of this life and just nod. This is how it will always be, well, until the day he retires,


    and our casino beckons us. Until the day he is free of the responsibility of heading this family and


    having so many rely on him. This is what happens when you marry the King. I knew this when I got into


    things with him, and I have to ept that that world will always have a ce in who he is.


    I wanted a ce where I could live between the two. Unable to exist in suburban reality, but neither did


    I want to live in the underworld of crime, sex and murder, and Alexi gives me that weird in-between


    ce I never knew existed. By his side, I can walk either way at any time, and live in the grey area


    most have no concept of. The ce he has been dwelling most of his life with his men, his father and


    anyone else who has to wear two personas and be two different people. I feel like, somehow, this is


    how I was always supposed to end up. Not choosing one or the other to find my happiness but


    choosing him and letting it all slot into ce.


    I curl up tightly in his embrace and sigh heavily, everything seeping away so there is only the feel of


    him and all the peace thates with it.


    ¡°It¡¯s over. Finally. Maybe now we can start living and work on this crazy marriage of ours.¡±


    ¡°The marriage isn¡¯t crazy, just the wife.¡± He chuckles in a funny retort and gets a swift p in the


    abdomen for his cheek. My unamused scowl at his jest before he hauls me to him and kisses me firmly,


    pushing it to passionate immediately as he buries his hands in my hair and reminds me why we work


    so well.


    Putting an end to the conversation and reminding me of all the reasons he makes me crazy, in one fell


    swoop.


    My head''s a mess and I just need some normality for a few days to get all of this in order. To let go of


    the angst and chaos and ugly memories which I know I¡¯m capable of. I have witnessed some awful


    things in life, been at the receiving end and still lived to tell the tale. Guilt is something I¡¯m good at


    letting go of and I¡¯m sure in a few days I won¡¯t remember that bitch''s name.


    She fucked with the wrong couple.


    I need to figure out what is happening with the club and where I¡¯m meant to live now that we¡¯re married,


    and where we go from here. There is so much up in the air clogging up my brain and now we are back


    on home turf and I¡¯m free to wander about in my life without severe security, I intend to sort it out once


    and for all.


    It doesn¡¯t take long to get to the apartment. We are escorted by two men up to our floor who then


    vacate to the little security room with the regr staff here. Leaving us to our home with privacy as


    though they are not even here. It¡¯s all very swift and silent and Alexi barely acknowledges them, such is


    the normality of it for him. It will take some getting used to, and I was only just beginning to tolerate


    Jackson as my shadow. I hope to God that isn¡¯t the end of him being my sidekick as I will miss him like


    crazy.


    Jackson knows me and my moods, he knows my schedule and my likes, so I will put my foot down and


    cling onto that little gem as my permanent bodyguard. Alexi will say yes because it¡¯s me and I¡¯m


    learning that he rarely refuses me if I ask in the right way.


    Boy is bing someone I can wrap around my little finger.


    Lynces tearing at us as soon as we walk into the open living room, the gorgeous smell and sight of


    his home, air filled with something delicious from Mrs Capone, bubbling on the stove for our arrival.


    Alexi steps in front of me andmands him ¡®down¡¯ before he takes a flying leap at us in his


    excitement. He is a flurry of wagging, fluffy, ecstatic wriggling to get against us and a lot of tongue


    licking at any part of our anatomy he can get to. It¡¯s a happy homing that does its best to drag


    away thest dregs of the dark cloud hovering over me. All of this just fits and is the ce I have been


    looking to belong to my whole life.


    Ecstatic to be back here in surroundings that have quickly be necessary to me. An extension of


    him so no wonder it feels right. I wouldn¡¯t change anything about this apartment at all.


    Alexi crouches down and gives him a proper rub and hug, rolling him onto his back for a tummy


    massage and I pad past them to wander over to the sitting area, discarding bag, jacket and shoes as I


    go. Relieved to be doing so. I give them their few minutes of male bonding time as I know Lync will


    come cosy up to me right after. I missed that furry beast in some weird way.


    I get to the couch and flop down like an empty rubble sack and slide my legs along the seat before


    exhaling loudly. This feels like the one ce in the world where nothing can touch us anymore, and if


    I¡¯m being honest, I wouldn¡¯t mind if this is the permanent home. He hasn¡¯t mentioned if it will be, but I


    would assume so seeing as this is Alexi¡¯s choice of home. It¡¯s the best of all worlds, really. Has cosy


    touches simr to his bolthole but the modern sleek design of the club and his other apartment. It¡¯s


    spacious, with more room than we would ever need, with a garden on the roof and around the clock


    security. My idea of heaven.


    I could stay here until the end of time and never feel caged in. It¡¯s perfection in a building and it¡¯s both


    sides of the man I love, colliding into one.


    How could I not love it and all within?


    ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a second. I have something for you; I just need to check where it¡¯s been put.¡± Alexi


    wanders past me, throwing me a charming smile and I sit up, blinking after him as he disappears


    towards the stairs near his office. Wondering when the hell he had something for me sent here and


    when he even arranged it or why. I should get used to his surprises, he¡¯s a man of sentiment and I


    guess he will fill my future with random gifts at odd moments when I least expect them.


    Not sure this is the best timing for something romantic and gifted, but then again, maybe it is and will


    help settle me down and forget this morning.


    I pick up the remote, sink back on the couch andzily channel hop while trying to clear my mind of


    images of what we just left. Hating that they are guing me, but then it¡¯s only just happened, and I


    reckon I¡¯m still in a weird state of numbed shock. I have been through this before and it will pass, it


    always does. I just need a good distraction until it goes away.


    Those men. It was brutal and will probably haunt me for days yet. I know it will fade, much like seeing


    him kill one or two other men in the past few months has, and over time, I might not care anymore


    when I¡¯m exposed to shit like this. But for now, my head''s churning it over and making me feel sick and


    antsy.


    Marianne¡ªwell, what can I say about her. It was long overdue, and she brought it on herself. She tried


    to take me twice and I have no doubt she intended to have me killed. She¡¯s not worth my brain space.


    I think what got me the most was theck of human response in that room. All those men, uncaring and


    disregarding human life so easily. No one was shocked or scared that they were murdering people in


    front of them. No one worrying about the bacsh. It¡¯s horrible to know people like that exist in the


    world and they do such things with the same nonchnce as someone taking the rubbish out. It¡¯s a


    normal way of life for them. None of them cared at all, and I doubt any are sitting mulling it over an hour


    later.


    It will be a normal way of life as long as I choose to be with him, so I need to man up and let it go. I


    made my bed, and I epted all of this. It¡¯s not much worse than the shit I have done in my past and


    it¡¯s something that''s normal in his world.


    Alexi reappears carrying arge hat box, and it distracts me from my thoughts, sitting me up with


    intrigue, I put my feet back on the ground to eye him warily.


    ¡°You know I don¡¯t wear hats, right?¡± I point out with a tone that sounds a little condescending. Not sure


    why in hell he would suddenly buy me one and despite myself, I feel stupidly disappointed. I don¡¯t want


    to be ungrateful but seriously ¡­ men don¡¯t buy women hats. It¡¯s in weird. I thought he had more


    taste and insight than that.


    Alexi carries it unusually carefully and slides it onto the table in front of me, pushing Lync back who


    seems overly interested in it for some reason. Sniffing it in a rather rabid manner and almost breaking


    my leg with his ecstatic tail wagging. Whatever the hat is made of, it clearly gets dogs excited, which


    makes me even more apprehensive about what the hell it is.


    Alexi sits beside me, taking over the couch and takes the tv remote from me and discards it beside him.


    Looking cool as a cucumber despite my obviousck of excitement. It¡¯s that cocky arrogance of a man


    who is sure his woman will like his offering, even if she looks unimpressed so far.


    He¡¯s strange.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a hat. It¡¯s something I figured you would love when Jackson told me about it. I¡¯m sorry about


    the timing, but I figure it¡¯s a good distraction.¡± He smiles at me softly, no hint of anything suggesting


    he¡¯s worried I''ll hate it, and I just blink at him and then the hat box and back again. My gut telling me


    that maybe it¡¯s something worse than a hat if it requires a box this size.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a head in a box or anything like that?¡± I¡¯m sceptical, he is a Mafia boss after all, and I have


    visions of some severed head, maybe Marianne¡¯s, sitting in there, oozing fluids. I mean, that¡¯s what


    they do in Hollywood gangster movies.


    We just left her with that gang of thugs to be beaten, tortured and in so maybe it¡¯s not hers, but I¡¯m


    sure it has to be something equally significant to celebrate my move to Queen Carrero. Maybe Rick¡¯s


    ashes or some shit. I don¡¯t know, Alexi can be weird sometimes.


    Okay not that weird, maybe I need to stop with the over-thinking sometimes, I even scare myself with


    my conclusions that are never right. It might not be ashes ¡­ it might be someone¡¯s hand or foot. Might


    even be someone¡¯s genitals to show me some rancid past abuser is too dickless to hurt me again.


    Okay, Cami, stop now.


    Sometimes I even freak myself out.


    Alexi shakes his head at me, almost like he can hear my babbling thoughts, and smiles encouragingly.


    ¡°No more Godfather movies for you, London. I sometimes wonder what goes on in your head. It¡¯s not a


    body part. It¡¯s not something disturbing. I¡¯m not a sociopath, despite the earlier confusion on that


    subject.¡±


    I give him a sardonic look of ¡®ha¡¯ and shove his arm away as he tries to prod me in the face with his


    pointer finger.


    ¡°Okay, give me a hint. I don¡¯t think I can take any more surprises after this morning. If it¡¯s not something


    gruesome then what is it?¡±


    Alexi sighs and loses thest of his non-existent patience, hauling the lid off rather than answer me and


    pulls the box closer to the edge of the table. That impulsive streak of his would be almost adorable if he


    wasn¡¯t such a stroppy git with it sometimes. Ruining his own surprise.


    From my vantage point, it looks empty, so I screw up my face and lean forward to scrutinise the


    contents, warily edging nearer in case it¡¯s some sort of jack in the box waving around someone¡¯s ring


    finger or some shit. I jump in surprise when a little furry ginger ball pops up and scares me half to


    death. It¡¯s mobile, breathing and makes a noise.


    I literally jump, squeal and cling to Alexi when it lets out a sad, pathetic little miaow. A tiny wail that


    stops me in my tracks and makes me peer at the hairy gremlin again, with a less suspicious mindset.


    ¡°It¡¯s not going to eat you. I mean, after that mangy, flea-bitten ¡­¡± Alexi sounds sarcastic but the re I


    throw him stops him mid-sentence. A look that tells him I might castrate him if he carries on.


    Criticising my feral baby.


    He just stops. Knowing my re of ¡®don¡¯t you fucking dare¡¯ which seems to cool his jets, and he


    switches to a charming smile instead to cover his misdemeanour.


    The miaow calls to me again and I¡¯m so drawn Ipletely forget all else. I lean in to peer at the


    delicate little bundle of ginger stripes and fluffy white tummy and really take stock that it''s not some


    rabid gargoyle at all. It¡¯s a kitten. A little blue-eyed poofy bundle, crying desperately to be picked up.


    Cooing and calling me to adore its precious little fluffiness.


    I do so, without hesitation and pull it into myp to cradle and stroke immediately with careful hands,


    glowing with the way its warm, precious little body fills them. Babies I don¡¯t do but this, well, it is heart


    melting gorgeousness that makes you want to rub your face on its ickle belly.


    ¡°You bought me a kitten.¡± Tears hit me, eyes misting up as I lovingly pet the little thing, and Alexi leans


    over and uses one finger to ruffle the fur between its ears delicately. Totally not an Alexi move, and I


    just give him an adoring watery smile, my heart full to bursting. Morning forgotten, fears, anxiety and


    guilt, all lost in a white fluffy wave of ''ahh''.


    ¡°Figured it was this or a baby.¡± Heughs devilishly and I throw him another serious re, followed by a


    swipe with a scatter cushion which he dodges. It¡¯s way too soon to be joking about all the shit that¡¯s


    gone down thesest few days and he just shrugs at me. Doing what he does best I guess, making


    light of things others wouldn¡¯t and somehow taking away the heavy doom and gloom of the topic. He¡¯s


    still a dickhead sometimes, but he¡¯s my dickhead.


    ¡°You are so full of surprises.¡± I genuinely beam at him, unable to tear my eyes away from this loving,


    wriggling little parcel.


    It¡¯s true. I would never in a million years have expected toe home to Alexi having bought me a tiny


    kitten. I don¡¯t even know why he did it or when he arranged this, but I love her, she¡¯s the cutest thing


    I¡¯ve ever seen, like Feral without all the battle scars, only much smaller. As she curls her little paws


    around my hand and licks my thumb, I grin like a lunatic. Insides melting, heart filling and senses all


    going gaga.


    Everything forgotten when faced with such cuteness overload. I really needed this more than I ever


    thought I would, she heals so many wounds from this past year. She¡¯s all mine, and she fills a small


    dark ce inside of me that Feral left behind.


    My heart swells and I go all ¡®goo¡¯ and ¡®ahh¡¯ for this bitty little thing. Instant adoration for how sweet she


    is, and that warm gooey feeling normally associated with human offspring in most women. I love her


    already.


    ¡°Jackson is the one who told me they were looking for homes. He found the mother and her litter


    behind the club and took them home a few weeks back, so there¡¯s a good chance the father was Feral.


    He didn¡¯t want to upset you by telling you so soon after we found him, so he has been taking care of


    them and been calling her Red.¡±


    ¡°Feral?¡± I gawp up at him and then back at Red and blink away the sudden tears that swim in front of


    my eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the connection which now holds even more weight. I can¡¯t exin


    the way it makes me feel as it¡¯s so all-consuming on many levels. I want to cry and squeeze her, hug


    him and dance in circles all at the same time. Feral¡¯s baby, his legacy and here she is,ing home to


    me. It seems right.


    ¡°Yeah, figured that would make her more special and hence why I had to take her. They turned sixteen


    weeks yesterday and Jackson really needed to get them out of his house now they are climbing the


    curtains and eating him out of house and home. She¡¯s ripe for a forever home.¡± Alexi leans down and


    pets Lync who is still mbering for attention, giving him some adoration to curb any jealous reaction,


    pulling him between his legs and giving him a hug. Lync just continues to stare at his new sister and


    whines because he wants to sniff her.


    It seems really odd to me that two men like Alexi and Jackson have been having kitten conversations.


    Call me crazy, but he''s not who I met that day in the hospital so long ago. That Alexi Carrero was not a


    kitten buying, kitten naming type at all. He wasn¡¯t even a dog man and looking at him now, giving Lync


    so much affection I meltpletely.


    My heart is heavy with happiness and pain for my unforgotten feline, and I just stare at her, seeing


    more simrity to him now. The little angry face despite purring away. The way her fur starts strong and


    red and fades to almost white by the time it reaches her tail. Unusual striping and a lot of personality in


    that silent little stare she has fixed on me.


    ¡°She¡¯s perfect. I love her. I really do, Lexi.¡± I break into soft tears and nuzzle her to my face, revelling in


    her tiny little body rubbing against me,ughing stupidly when she licks my nose, and he slides his


    hand up my back tofort me.


    ¡°Thought you might. Are we keeping the name? Red?¡± Alexi lets Lync go and slides me closer to him


    so he can drape an arm around me casually. Clearlyfortable with the adoption of a new pet that


    might sharpen her ws on all he owns.


    ¡°Red? I like it. Maybe Gino will stop calling me it if we have an actual Red in the house.¡± I stroke its tiny


    head, listening to the whimpering baby noises and beam as its vibrating body purrs itself into a quick


    slumber, still curled as Iy her down gently. She seems content anyway, and she''s a little chubby


    monster whom I predict will soon have Lync terrorised, if she is anything like me.


    Alexi¡¯s big bad wolf is sitting with a cocked head watching her at a distance with both interest and


    confusion, unsure if he wants to get close. He¡¯s a gentle giant so I have no doubts he won¡¯t hurt her,


    but he will soon get to know this little kitty has ws.


    Lync and Red.


    Alexi and Cami.


    The simrity is not lost on me and that poor dog doesn¡¯t know what he is getting himself into. I almost


    feel sorry for him and gaze at Alexi with the same kind of empathy, giggling to myself when I see the


    connection. What he has to put up with, in me.


    ¡°You¡¯re good at distraction, you know that?¡± I lean into Alexi and nudge him with my shoulder, more


    than aware of how he just swooped in with this little thing right at a moment my head was spiralling out


    of control. Bringing me peace like he always does. He just seems to know how to pull me out of a ck


    hole and bring back a level of sanity to my messy head.


    ¡°It¡¯s my job. Keeping you happy. Putting up with small furry psychos that will probably grow up to leave


    permanent scars on my legs,¡± he jests, smiling down at me, and I rest my head against him to watch


    her sleep.


    He strokes Red again but this time his other hand slides on top of Lync¡¯s and he pets them both


    simultaneously. My eyes wander from Red to Lync and I sigh with the weird contentment this little


    scene gives me.


    ¡°Guess we have a ready-made family after all.¡± That statement sends my giggles into overdrive and


    Red miaows in protest as I move withughter. Annoyed I woke her up and that just gets me even


    more. Insanely happy so suddenly and I can¡¯t contain it.


    ¡°She¡¯s a little diva already. I love her. She¡¯s perfect.¡± I give Alexi a peck on the cheek and am rewarded


    with him catching my chin in his fingers and get pulled back for a proper kiss. Sinking a passionate one


    on me that curls my toes and leaves me wanting more. Moulding me to him awkwardly so I can leave


    her on myp while sliding my arms around his neck. Devouring him needily.


    Breaking away, breathless and hot, aching for something more than a kiss now he has me fired up. I


    slide my sleeping baby onto the couch and watch her with adoration as she curls into a ball on the fluffyN?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    cushions. Lync pads over to sit on the floor and props himself below her, matching her pose and makes


    it clear he is taking on the role of guard dog and protector for our new little princess.


    Alexi smiles, tugs me onto hisp away from the duo and smooths back my hair in the way he always


    does. That gentle caress that is uniquely him.


    ¡°Takes after her mother.¡± Another smile, dimples and all, and it floors mepletely.


    ¡°See, you¡¯re learning. I¡¯ll make a romantic of you yet Mr Carrero,¡± I purr happily, easily sliding against


    him fully, fitting snugly in the best possible way.


    ¡°Over my dead body. Rom-what?¡± Alexi grins, capturing me in another kiss and pulls me in close for a


    make-out session that will definitely end up in the bedroom. No better way to forget all the drama that


    surrounds us than getting lost in a happy naked ce where he reminds me of all the good skills he


    has.


    He¡¯s right¡ªwho needs romance when you have him?

 Chapter 190

    Chapter 190


    I¡¯m standing staring at myself in the mirror, nerves eating away at me and fidgeting with my dress a


    little obsessively. It¡¯s long, fitted, ivory, and very ssy. A sleek, full-length, fishtailed number that looks


    great on my body, with my toned-down neutral face and minimal jewellery. Stomach in knots and anally


    checking my appearance like my life depends on it. Despite knowing, I look wless.


    N?velDrama.Org holds ? this.


    D¨¦j¨¤ vu from the morning I met his mother and yet this is way worse. I¡¯m terrified.


    ¡°You look gorgeous, stop fretting.¡± Alexi¡¯s voicees from behind me and he sways to the side of me


    as he approaches. I stop him mid-step and lean my body against him gently. Backing myself against


    him. This is something I have been working on for a while now. Letting Alexi get behind me, touch me


    when standing there and leaning against him. He doesn¡¯t object, just stands still recognising my


    attempt and lets me fall back against him gently.


    It¡¯s stupid and weird, I guess, that it¡¯s such a hard thing to ovee, but he¡¯s been so gentle and


    understanding and never makes me ufortable. He strokes a finger down my exposed spine in my


    backless dress and kisses me on the back of the head, making sure not to wrap me up so I feel


    trapped even though I know it¡¯s dumb. He understands though and with the therapy sessions he talked


    me into, I¡¯m doing better on so many levels when dealing with my past. We share a shrink, as odd as


    that sounds.


    The inner anxiety and fear are getting less every time I let him stand behind me but I can still only


    handle this for seconds at a time and pull away as soon as that choking feeling rises in my throat,


    threatening to bring on a full panic attack. It¡¯s still a trigger, but one I will ovee for him one day, so


    he can stop watching how he approaches me in our daily life. I want to stand in his arms and curl up


    like normal people do.


    ¡°Why are you in here, anyway? What happened to not seeing me until I¡¯m walking down the aisle?¡± I


    turn to him, chastising him teasingly without meaning it and smooth down his tuxedopel


    automatically, straightening his bow tie to admire the handsomeness that is my husband. About to be


    husband all over again in our little ceremony to solidify our four-month-long marriage.


    ¡°We¡¯re already married, London. I also don¡¯t believe in bad luck. Besides, I need you to sign this so we


    can get the ball rolling before we head off on our honeymoon.¡± Alexi lifts the file he has in one hand and


    slides it onto the vanity beside me. The Carrero logo emzoned on the cover and I squeal in


    excitement. Knowing exactly what this is as I¡¯ve been on tenterhooks for days waiting on hiswyers to


    draw it up.


    ¡°Is that what I think it is?¡± I literally bounce as that fretting, nervous energy explodes into sheer


    happiness. Ovee with excitement that pushes all else away.


    ¡°Open it and see.¡± He throws me that devilishly handsome smile, with full dimples and sparkling eyes


    that make me want to bone him so badly.


    Sexy bugger.


    He moves back and holds out a pen to me. A smile of utter bliss on that perfect face and I take it


    merrily. He moves aside to let me in and slides his hand on my arse as I bend over to scope out the


    paperwork.


    Flicking open the file, I swear I dissolve into a pot of bubbly, warm contentment. It¡¯s the final contracts


    for my new business just like I hoped, and I can¡¯t contain the ecstatic squeal that bursts forth a second


    time. Alexi standing proudly watching me with utter amusement at my reaction.


    Weeks of Alexi negotiating a price and taking over New York¡¯s finest finishing school fordies of the


    rich persuasion. A ce I will excel at moulding women whoe into money and grandeur into ssy


    ladies ready for social events and appearances.


    The school is already thriving and well known among socialites and city celebrities, but the owner


    wanted to retire and leave her ship at the helm of a worthy captain. Alexi knew her well and convinced


    her over a very elegant dinner that I was that woman.


    I AM that woman.


    I had the ability to take amon street rat and turn her into a polished New York socialite with all the


    skills required to hold her own among the rich and powerful. It¡¯s what I was born to do. I¡¯m an example


    of my own skills.


    Alexi banned me from working in the club, just as I knew he would, even though I still own it; Rebel


    does a great job of keeping me informed. I sign papers, make the big decisions but that little earner is


    ticking along nicely under the girl I have trusted to stand in for me. Making me a mint. I wanted


    something respectable and worthwhile I could do on my own. Build it up, not be afraid to tell people


    what I do when my husband introduces me at dinner parties. I wanted something of my own I could be


    proud of. Something to fill my days instead of living a life of leisure. I wasn¡¯t built for boredom.


    I also didn¡¯t want Alexi to pay for it. So, I used the club as coteral and made him loan me the money


    with a repayment n in ce so the school would truly be mine. I expected opposition from him and


    his control freak ways, but he agreed to everything. Maybe because I set up a proposal to take to the


    bank if he said no and that would have really pissed him off.


    In fact, he seems proud that I wanted to do this myself and not rely on him. I have ambition and drive,


    and he guessed that stopping me would be the sure-fire way to make me miserable.


    I can do this.


    Thest few months have given me space to grow so much within myself. A newfound confidence in


    my abilities and I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I mean, I bagged myself Kingpin over


    there when I truly was thest person in the world who ever stood a chance with him.


    Settling into life with him is never boring. He¡¯s still a badass control freak who needs gentle handling


    and often drives me insane. But sometimes, I¡¯m a spitfire psycho who throws things at his head. We¡¯re


    dysfunctional and vtile at times, but we work. I¡¯m happy, he makes me happy and now with this, I will


    have that identity and independence I was terrified of losing. I will have my own focus and worth in this


    world he lives in. I won¡¯t just be the wife of Alexi Carrero. I¡¯m Cami Carrero, mentor to girls across the


    state in all the most notable families. A name and reputation of my own and no reason to hide in


    shame. I stand beside him, not behind, and he is happy with a wife who wants to be seen.


    I finally, legally changed my name to Cami. Now I have no fear of a paper trail catching up with me. If


    anyone from my past surfaces, Alexi deals with it. In the way he knows best. I almost look forward to


    them trying because I know how swiftly he makes them regret their reappearance.


    Tyler learned that the hard way. A minor little erotic asphyxiation gone wrong with some cheap hooker


    saw him choking to death purely by ident. Well, as much of an ident as any that happen in


    Alexi¡¯s world. He should have known my husband wouldn¡¯t let him carry on being a twunt to me at


    every asion we rolled up together. It only took one more sly, underhanded insult, and the next day


    came the devastating news that Tyler had had a sex-rted end to his miserable life. What a shame. I


    didn¡¯t cry for him, but we attended his funeral to pay our respects¡ªNot.


    You don¡¯t fuck with my man if you expect to keep breathing for any length of time.


    Tyler is no more, Rick is no more, and Lisa is no more. She¡¯s just a distant memory of a little broken girl


    that no one loved or cared for. She was amon little street rat who owned nothing and had nowhere


    to go, except down.


    Cami, on the other hand, she¡¯s thriving. With a family of Carreros who love her, a husband who


    adores her, and the future looking brighter every day. She can only go up and will never know the pain


    of solitude and fear again. She¡¯s home. Finally found what she had been searching for her whole life.


    I stay out of his world as much as I can, but he tells me everything. We have no secrets and he knows


    where my boundaries lie in terms of what I¡¯ll get involved with.


    Marianne¡¯s end was thest time he exposed me to the grittier side of his world, and he does his best


    to keep my life stable, calm and safe. This I can deal with and I no longer worry I¡¯m not enough for him.


    He takes care of me, shields me, and treats me in a way I never felt worthy of.


    Alexi worships me every single day. Little gifts and affection, time and attention, and he will take me


    with him whenever he can. I couldn¡¯t have asked for a more perfect man or a life that is just so tailored


    to what I needed.


    I sign the paperwork on all the little post-it marked spots excitedly, flipping through the loan pages and


    the business takeover details, having previously read through rough drafts with my ownwyer, and


    finally, get to thest page. Signing Cami Carrero boldly on thest dotted line with a flourish and a


    massive happy smile. Almost jumping up and down, such is the internal happy, bouncy ecstasy


    shooting through every cell.


    ¡°There. All done.¡± I hand him back his pen with a glowing radiant grin in the best mood I have ever felt.


    It¡¯s all falling into ce and things are really starting to look rosy in terms of me and my business


    ambition.


    ¡°By the time wee back from our trip to Sicily, you should have the keys to your school and life can


    move forward.¡± Alexi leans in and kisses me softly, stroking back my hair into my elegant updo and


    admiring me for a moment. Those gorgeous pale eyes so still today, no storm brewing at all and he


    sweeps over me with that same longing he always has whenever we are upright and clothed. He would


    keep me in bed forever if he had his way.


    ¡°I¡¯m so excited I could burst.¡± I giggle and pull another cutesy smile from him. Melting inside with a


    giddiness that makes me feel like a child. Bursting with a happy buzzing energy that could rival his.


    Clinging onto him as I do my little happy dance that pulls augh from him as he watches me.


    ¡°I have something else for you. Something new to wear while we retake our vows.¡± He slides a hand


    inside his jacket and pulls out a little ck leather box, holding it out to me and I take it with a flourish.


    Smiling widely at a gift which I know will be thoughtful, they always are. I¡¯m always blown away by his


    surprise presents. I have loved everything he has ever bought me, and I click it open hurriedly, so


    eager to see what it is. He knows me so well and never disappoints.


    There¡¯s a tiny, silver and diamond encrusted crown charm sitting in the velvet-lined box, sparkling back


    at me. So delicate and beautiful and I finger it carefully as I inhale with surprise. Instantly calmed from


    over-enthusiastic to a sudden emotional stillness. Touched deeply by this expensive tiny piece.


    ¡°Every queen should have one. I told you I would give you one of your own.¡± He utters softly, watching


    me, a look on his face that matches mine. Adoration, contentment, happiness. He too, these past


    months, has mellowed in so many ways andpletely surpassed all expectations as a husband.


    ¡°It¡¯s for my bracelet?¡± I ask quizzically, turning my wrist and my beloved, most cherished piece of


    jewellery, I never take off, rolls around to show off its existing duo of charms. The little heart is the same


    size and style as this crown; I hold out my arm for him to unclip it for me so I can add my new little


    trinket to wear for eternity too.


    Alexi undoes it and takes the box to add my crown for me, turning to the vanity while he sorts it out for


    me before sliding it back on my wrist and fastening it securely. Swiftly, with an expert touch seeing as


    he has to take it off for me when I shower every day. I turn my hand and jingle it lovingly when it¡¯s in


    ce, admiring it, falling in love more so than I was before. Admiring the perfection in his choice.


    ¡°I love it. It¡¯s so perfect and beautiful. Just like you.¡± I throw myself at him in an embrace, genuinely


    moved as I hit him with a hurried kiss and then wipe my lipstick from his lips with a grin so wide my face


    hurts with it. I feel like it¡¯s all I have done for weeks. Smile through my days and end up with many


    laughter lines. May have to think about Botox at this rate.


    ¡°Lex, everyone¡¯s ready.¡± Mico¡¯s voice trails in the open door and pulls our attention to him, butting into


    our moment, standing there all suited and booted in a matching tux to Alexi¡¯s. Looking handsome and


    ready to get this show on the road.


    Nerves hit me hard again and I blow out a steady stream of air to try to re-centre myself as my stomach


    turns over and churns with the reminder of what we are doing. That sign we are going upstairs to do


    this in just a minute. I shouldn¡¯t be nervous but I am. Being soft and gooey in front of our nearest and


    dearest goes against everything in me.


    ¡°We¡¯reing, go up. We¡¯ll only be a second.¡± Alexi dismisses one of his best men and turns to me


    softly. Fixing me with a tender look and takes both my hands in his, tangling my fingers snugly within


    his and calming me.


    ¡°Let¡¯s do this the right way.¡± A smile, a forehead to forehead gentle nudge and he takes my arm and


    slides it into his carefully, treating me with kid gloves like he always does, making it obvious he won¡¯t let


    me dy it even if I¡¯m petrified.


    We arranged a ceremony in our own roof garden, in this warm month with everything in the


    greenhouse blooming and looking beautiful. A small private affair. Although the live feed video set up


    so certain family members can watch is apromise on his part. Alexi wanted more than our


    immediate loved ones here, and I didn¡¯t want anyone except our two witnesses if I¡¯m being honest. The


    video feed enables a room full of guests far away in The Hamptons to be a part of this, and I get to


    have my small gathering in intimate surroundings in our home.


    It¡¯s hard to break habits of a lifetime, and I don¡¯t think I will ever really settle into a huge family


    gatheringfortably.


    We had a temporary chapel set up with a floral archway and a petal covered aisle, all tended to so


    lovingly by Mr Capone. I love our Capones so much; they feel like the parents I never had, and thanks


    to them, I¡¯m slowly learning Italian under careful guidance. They just add to the world in which I now


    dwell and couldn¡¯t want more from.


    I never imagined I would ever talk him into it being so uber romantic, with a venue all candle lit and


    pretty, but one thing I have learned is a sure-fire way of getting what I want.


    Tell Alexi it will make me happy and he will move mountains to make it so.


    My king, so easy to coerce to my will now I know how.


    We walk out of the room steadily; me clinging onto him as I quell my nerves bytching to his body, and


    Lync jumps to attention, waiting patiently for his master by the door. He¡¯s looking very smart and


    groomed and wearing a little bow tie for the asion in the matching dark blue that the bridal party is


    wearing. Those freakily simr eyes are sparkling with glee because he loves nothing more than


    attention.


    I love this dog to bits, and although Alexi told me under no circumstances would his dog get dressed


    up, I managed to swing one little cute essory. Red has a matching hair bow and is upstairs already


    being held hostage by Alessandra. Red is the ultimate Diva and will never do what you want her to do if


    she doesn¡¯t want to do it. Sitting pretty for my big day is not high on her list of cat priorities but luckily,


    she loves my best friend Alessandra and will sit in herp for hours to be petted. Red has blossomed


    into a beautiful cat, the spitting image of her departed father.


    Alessandra and I have be inseparable. We spend many lunches and shopping tripsparing


    our twins and spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and shoes, and maybe the asional


    pet essory seeing as she adopted Red¡¯s sister. Luckily our brothers like each other¡¯spany and


    we frequently double date with them. The little happy group of perfectpanions who ept me as I


    am, ws and all.


    It¡¯s helped bring Alexi back to thend of humans and normal things. Cinema trips, the zoo, pics in


    the park and all that gushy stuff he avoided like the gue. He and Gino seem to be closer than ever


    before, and Gino has even quit his asional use of narcotics and far too much booze. He¡¯s trying to


    grow up and act like an adult. I mean, he is scheduled for his own wedding in six months¡¯ time.


    They much prefer taking their women to clubs and weekend getaways to hang out in saunas and hot


    tubs nowadays than getting smashed and hungover on trips to Vegas, where anything can happen


    while under the influence.


    Alexi is even teaching me how to ski.


    Crazy.


    We head up the stairs from the bedroom floor to the roof, and I stop him as we get to the door to the


    outer area, having ast moment of panic and insecurity. Insides churning with nerves, hands trembling


    as reality kicks in and we¡¯re right here about to do this thing. One step away, to be precise.


    ¡°Wait.¡± I grip onto his arm tightly, taking a second to suppress my doubts and swallow hard.


    ¡°Tell me you love me.¡± I blurt it out, sounding small and afraid. Something that hits me every so often


    when my demons and dark doubts gue my brain, threatening to choke me with crippling self-doubt.


    Alexi turns to me slowly, he knows the drill by now, he is adept at dealing with me when myck of


    worth peeks out.


    He runs a gentle finger across my temple and down my cheek, tracing me tenderly, eyes locking on


    mine as he allows me a few seconds to breathe slowly. A minute to gather myself as his touch brings


    me around. He pulls me close and rests his head against mine, so we are nose to nose and the rest of


    the world seems to fade away into oblivion.


    ¡°I love you, more than anything in the world.¡± It¡¯s said with conviction, that low soothing tone of his


    melting away my woes and worries. Reminding me that nothing is ever scary when by his side, and I


    sink against him. Breathing out and remembering all the reasons I want to do this.


    ¡°You want this?¡± I ask meekly, always afraid that one day the answer will be no, even though I know it¡¯s


    stupid. I¡¯m working on those insecurities though. I know one day they will stop, and I won¡¯t ask this


    anymore. He will stop having to reassure me and we can just live in blissful harmony.


    Maybe.


    ¡°There is nothing I want more than this, except you.¡± He nudges his nose against mine, which pulls a


    smile from me and a quiet little giggle. He can be cute sometimes, even though he hates it when I call


    him that.


    Perfect answer. I¡¯m training him well.


    I smile properly, sinking against him all the more, instant putty in his hands as he always knows what to


    say.


    ¡°Right. I can do this. Then Sicily for two weeks of sun, sex and meeting extended family, right?¡± Back to


    the ce Alexi spent most of his childhood; back to the source of that sexy hint of an ent. A holiday


    away from all of this before I start my new job.


    ¡°Right.¡± He nods at me adoringly, never breaking eye contact.


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    I inhale as slowly as I can, trying to steady my trembling hands as those wolf-like eyes settle me down


    and that calm, cool stillness he exudes brings the same sense of serenity to me. I never noticed until


    recently just how much I need that solid, statuesque quality he has when I¡¯m in a crisis. His icy manner


    and impable stillness. He¡¯s my rock.


    ¡°Okay.¡± He repeats and this time, without hesitation, takes my hand.


    The End.


    The Novel will be updated first on this website. Come back and


    continue reading tomorrow, everyone!