Chapter 71


    He walks around the car and I almost break in two when he opens the passenger door and helps a tall


    leggy blonde out, resting his palm on her back in a gentlemanly and very touchy-feely manner as he


    guides her towards the building confidently. Rushing her out of the rain.


    I want to scream and drag her away from him, fiery rage instantly coursing through my veins and my


    brain crashing like a tidal wave. Anger and pain coursing through me, jealousy and heartbreak with a


    crushing ache from him being with someone else.


    I hate him. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting him to show up here with a date and I had no


    n for what I should do if he had a woman with him.


    I sag and start to cry against the metal bin, burying my face in my arms to let it all out before I start to


    try and get my head together. I should go and not keep doing this to myself, but something inside of me


    doesn’t want to. I came to see him, came to confront him onest time and drunk logic is pulling me to


    my feet and in the direction he went. Pushing it down and ignoring the lump in my throat and the


    spiking ache in my stomach as I heave and swallow down my hysteria. I console myself as best I can


    and take the steps after him to the door which has swung shut in the dark night air behind him.


    I’m talking myself out of it even as I cross the park, well trying to, but my body is not getting the memo


    and I key in the ess code as soon as Ie level with it. The gentle beep and then the click of the


    door opening does not deter me. Stubborn headed and emotionally stuck on this path, I slide in unseen


    and enter the empty dark hall, thanking my lucky stars they haven’t put on the lights down here yet. I


    can’t hear Alexi’s voice down the hall, so I bank right to the lifts which are dimly lit and concealed. I


    keep my face downwards as I pass against the wall under the camera here.


    If security is watching the screens then they might not guess it’s me. My hair is soaked so it looks dark,


    almost mahogany and it’s tied back, so in shadow it would look brown on the cameras low resolution in


    the dark. I am dressed like any of the girls when theye on shift so he will think I am one of them


    arriving early.


    It’s amazing that even while banging into walls and tripping over my own feet with my blurry vision and


    cotton wool brain that I have gotten this far, and as I watch the lift doors close I sigh with relief, unable


    to believe I managed to get in here unseen and unstopped by any of his men. Metaphorically high


    fiving myself as I take another long steadying breath I dry my tears as the lift transports me up to the


    top floor.


    I have onest moment of doubt over what I am doing and shake myself.


    He is here with a woman, maybe already walking into the apartment to do God knows what with her.


    He doesn’t want me here, he doesn’t want me to see him and nothing I say to him will change that. I


    have no idea why I am still pursuing this.


    Will he really stand and listen to me going on at him about how he has done me wrong? He’s Alexi, he


    doesn’t give a shit. I stick to the wall at the side, concealed by the doors when it opens on the second


    and third floor. I can hear voices, but none are Alexi and I stay put until I hit the apartment floor, then


    slide out fast as I know for sure that security is bound to have seen me by now.


    My palm hits the ess panel outside the door and before I have a moment to ponder if he has


    removed my print to ess the door it clicks open, and I am inside in a second.


    Heart pounding with adrenaline coursing through my body, my breathing hard with the realisation that I


    have got up here and am really doing this as I push my way inside and blink as the first set of dim lights


    in the loungee on. It’s obvious he’s not here as the ce is in darkness and the lightse on as


    I walk through to check the rooms. I always loved the motion activated lights in here, but hardly a great


    thing when you are trying to be stealth and go unseen. I check both bedrooms, he is definitely not up


    here, so I’m at a loss as to what to do.Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    If I chance going down then someone will remove me or cause a huge scene. There’s hope that no one


    was watching the monitors as I got in here and I’m safe and secure. I hope with me not staying here


    Alexi has no need to activate the cameras inside the apartment, so I could realistically stay here


    unseen for hours if no onees up. Worst case scenario, I spend the night and have to sneak out in


    the early hours before the staffe in to start cleaning at six a.m. Alexi would never know and I would


    get back in time for Mico picking me up at the apartment.


    Feeling listless I head for his mini bar and start rummaging for booze to make sure I do not lose this


    bravado and hide under the bed all night. I will need my drunken superhero sense to get out of here at


    some point and would rather staypletely sloshed in the process of making an utter idiot of myself. I


    don’t want to sober up too much and start rationalising any of this shit. I would rather stay oblivious of


    sense for the time being and swallow down another bout of tears at the hopelessness of what I am


    doing.


    Dumber than dumb, this has to be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, yet here I am. Who


    am I trying to kid that this was only ever about giving him a piece of my mind? I came here to see


    someone my heart is pining for, no matter what I tell myself.


    He doesn’t trust me, that’s what Mico said, and maybe he needs to hear me tell him this isn’t a game


    and that I care about him, that I love him. He is like me, protecting his heart and his head, maybe he


    just thinks I’m using him in some way and is pushing me away to protect himself, the way I do with


    people.


    That’s what my stupid head hase up with as I down another few rank mixed cocktails in a bid to


    get the drunkest I have ever been in my life. I end up sitting on the floor of the kitchen area and


    bursting into another bout of heart-wrenching tears.


    What the hell is wrong with me? I have never felt this deste or lost in my life, even after everything I


    have lived through. It’s a whole new level of pain and despair and I cannot handle any of it. It’s like all


    my absent emotions of the past twenty years of my life have somehowe together in one mass ball


    and decided to let loose on me at this very moment.


    I just want it to end, for the pain to stop, for my brain to still, and downing drink after drink isn’t helping


    at all. It’s making it worse, yet I can’t stop.


    I lean forward holding a bottle of vodka by the neck and nt my face on my knees in a bid to calm


    down. Breathing so hard and crying so much that it’s physically impossible to take a breath, and I try to


    level myself off a little. My ribs ache with the effort, my head still swimming, I just feel physically


    fatigued.


    ‘‘What the fuck are you doing here?’’ Alexi’s voice startles me with a jump and I spin up and turn to the


    door where he is standing like a giant aggressive bear. That little blonde bombshell cowering behind


    him.


    My insides melting to cold mush and his eyes are like steel knives aimed right at mine. I cannot look


    away even though it fills me withplete regret at being here. I know this feeling of fear well as it


    consumes me, and sense finally ps me with the absurdity of what I have done ining here.


    His presence reminds me of how much he intimidates me just by being in the same room, and I sink


    into the carpet in regret. This was sooooo dumb.