Chapter 36


    I am rather taken aback that he feels like he owes me an apology when he really does seem like a guy


    who never would. I misbehaved and he punished me. It’s not often men like that ever think they did


    something wrong, even if I think he did.


    Although his little surprising statement makes me feel remorse about this morning too, the way I acted


    and you know? Throwing grilled cheese. I bite on my lip and sigh at him. I guess the sex chat is


    obsolete and doesn’t seem to be included in his apology, even though it’s what started my little tantrum,


    and I should just be the adult I pretended to best night and forget we even had sex at all.


    ‘‘I shouldn’t have thrown your food at you, and I apologise for ruining your clothes.’’ It’s genuine


    anyway, even if I sound stilted and sarcastic when I say it. Those were nice trousers and I doubt


    cheese greasees out of expensive fabrics without a lot of effort. He’s ying nice, whether it’s a


    ploy or a game I just don’t know anymore. I have given up trying to understand or read him or evaluate


    his motives anymore, it all just makes me so goddamn tired.


    ‘’You need to stop pushing my buttons, stop making me crazy … I lose focus and shit like this


    happens.’’ He nods towards the door and I frown. Exhausted by the man and I just can’t function


    anymore.


    His world, his rules, his overbearing presence when he’s here, I never knew that walking into Carrero’s


    kingdom would be such a mind destroyer of epic proportions. I used to be in control of every aspect of


    my life and no one got close or got to me. Everything, up until Tyler, was manoeuvred to be on my


    terms, but Alexi just strips you naked, twists you up and then spits you out. Since I met him I feel like all


    I do is over feel everything and make dumb choices.


    ‘‘I don’t understand … How does you and me being at war make tonight happen?’’ Alexiughs


    disbelievingly and shakes his head at me like I’mpletely na?ve sometimes, and it just infuriates me.


    He sometimes still treats me like a brainless bimbo with no concept of how things work.


    ‘’You’re clueless, London, let me school you on the goings on in that room tonight.’’ He pushes off the


    bar and walks around the desk to sit against the edge in front of me so he’s a lot closer and getsfy.


    Watching me like a hawk and devouring me with his eyes. I’m way too tired to deal with all the shitty


    feelings coursing through me and stare at the clock on his desk instead. Intimidated by his presence,


    still stinging from being humiliated earlier, and I cannot believe it’s still the same day. It feels like weeks


    ago now.


    ‘‘I got sloppy, I was watching you—preupied … thinking about this morning, pissed at Gino; being a


    little too interested in both of you and Santagato saw it. He was testing the waters, honing in on what


    he considers was a glimpse of a weakness. I fucked up and let him see that I give a shit, that’s why he


    made a y.’’


    That’s a revtion and I mp my mouth shut when words attempt to spill out, my brain going into


    overdrive.


    ‘‘I just gave him a weapon, he has an angle, something he thinks he can use against me if he needs


    to.’’ Alexi sighs. I am so tired of games and all this underhanded, backhanded maniption of this


    world. Alexi the mastermind and all theplication thates with it.


    I wonder what normal men and women do with their time if it’s not steeped in devious ns and upper


    hands.


    ‘’I don’t understand … why didn’t you just let him have me? Save yourself all of this, if it’s that


    important, just let him do me and be done.’’ I get up and go to move away from his stifling presence,


    but he catches my wrist and pulls me back, cupping my face with his hand, and guides me close. I


    catch my breath, surprised with the gentle manoeuvre, and literally fall still, lungs ceasing to move with


    the unexpectedness of this.


    ‘’He would have taken you back in that room and not stopped from where I left off, I couldn’t have stood


    there and let him.’’ He angles his face and for a moment I swear he’s going to kiss me.


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    ‘’I see.’’ It sounds stilted and alien, my body trembling subtly with the intimacy of this pose, and he just


    gazes at me for another long moment, barely moving and infuriatingly unreadable and nk.


    ‘‘I take care of my own. You gave me boundaries and it’s my job to make sure they are upheld.’’


    I did? When?


    When I begged him not to hurt me and not do this. Even while he wanted to punish me, he stopped


    because I said no. He stopped because of my reaction to being tied up in that room and let me go


    without taking it further. A hint of something more in that chest than a hollow space where a heart


    should be? Or just another maniption move to get information out of me?


    That’s what I can never tell anymore, like right now. Softness when I think he’s a bastard, and yet he


    has a way of cajoling me and getting what he wants out of me when it appears. I should never trust


    him, as he always has a motive to go with each of his behaviours.


    Alexi is so fuckingplex. A control freak who adheres to boundaries? Even in anger? He makes no


    sense to me.


    ‘‘So, what now?’’ I want him to let go of me as he’s making me feel uptight, ustrophobic and


    vulnerable, but at the same time his touch is soothing and familiar, and I don’t want him to let go of me.


    He makes me so indecisive and confused all the time, and it just adds to the head mess he causes me.


    Alexi’s eyes drop to my mouth and again I get the vibe he is contemting kissing me. I don’t know if I


    want him to, but a part of me needs it, for this morning and forst night. It doesn’t even make sense to


    me anymore, but now I have tasted him there’s a craving to do it again. I want him to wipe away how


    he made me feel in that room and go back to the softness of the man who had sex with me on the


    couch instead. My insecure pathetic side craving an affection, so I can forgive how he was to me.


    I need therapy.


    ‘’I think I should move you elsewhere for a while, away from the club, make it look like you’re gone.


    Discarded, like I lost interest.’’ He goes back to his serious expression and serious tone. The warmth


    dropping from his voice and I literally feel the change in air temperature as it cools instantly. Letting me


    go abruptly and wandering away to perch back against the desk nearer the front.


    ‘‘Wait, what?’’ That’s not the answer I expected, and I blink at him. ‘’This is where I belong! Where I’m


    putting in the hours and the work and paying off my debt to you, where else would I go?’’ I’m panicking,


    unsure how else to take this and my head''s going around in circles. I wanted to be free of him and now


    he’s giving me the option, I don’t. I want to explore more of the hints and glimpses of someone else in


    him.


    I slump down into the desk chair beside me and nk my hands on the arms as though visibly telling


    him I am not going to be removed from this club.


    What the hell is with my brain?


    ‘’I have other ces, other properties and other businesses. I could use you anywhere I want and let


    this blow over.’’ Alexi has a look of determination on his face. He’s not kidding.


    ‘‘Such as where?’’ I sound as desperate as I feel, and all I can think about is will I still see him the way I


    do now? Once or twice a week and most weekends. If he sends me elsewhere will he even care to


    come and see me anymore, or will I disappear into the depths of his empire? It’s stupid and dumb to


    even contemte, considering I hate him with a passion, but I don’t want to not see him. It knocks me


    for six because I have NEVER wanted any sort of connection to another human in my life. I abhor


    people and keep everyone at arm’s length, and up until twenty minutes ago I fucking hated him too! I


    am so fucked up.


    ‘’The Hamptons for a while, I have a house there, you can lie low while I figure something else out. He


    would never think of looking for you there.’’ ‘’Wait, lie low? I thought you wanted to just put me out of


    temptations way?’’ My voice is an octave higher, making my panic obvious, but he doesn’t seem to


    care. Alexi turns to lock eyes on me in apletely serious expression as though I do not really


    understand this situation at all. ‘’What do you think Santagato will do with something he knows is a


    possible weakness to me? I’m not talking about groping you in the club, Cami; I’m talking about


    taking you from the street and brutalising you to within an inch of your life to get a rise out of me first


    chance he gets. Our families may be amicable but domination in this business is everything. We have a


    turf war and any break in my strength is a plus for him. Distract me and I lose my edge … he knows


    this.’’


    My blood runs cold as it hits home exactly what being connected to someone like Alexi really means.


    I’m a walking target and up until now his disinterest in me was my armour. He showed the wrong


    person that I am under his skin and now I’m a weapon. Whether he cares about me or not, they believe


    he does and that means I can be used. They view me as an Achilles heel even if they are way off the


    mark and I feel sick to my stomach as it hits home just how much danger I am in.