Chapter 29


    I spit at him and p him in the chest, stupidly, not caring if he goes back to hard thrusting. I’m so not


    ready to back down, and maybe he might be the first guy who gets me to an orgasmic climax with a


    few more aggressive moves if I rile him up again. I can hate him and still get off on his manhood. Alexi


    just watches me for a moment before pulling out of me and gets up, yanking me with him harshly by my


    arm and hauling me like I am a weightless nothing. I am somewhere between rage, hatred and ‘get


    back inside of me and finish this, you arsehole’. My body is overheating from his attention and my skin


    blushed rosy, everywhere. Alexi takes a second to look me over and just grins in that self-assured


    ‘master of his universe’ way of his.


    He practically throws me on the couch. Somehow, I trip and end up face down, my face buried harshly


    on ck leather that starts suffocating me. I pull my hands to lever myself up, instantly trying to rectify


    my position and try to breathe, but he has my wrists faster than I can pull them and yanks them behind


    my back cruelly. I have no way of getting up from this bent over position or refuse his advances while


    held this way. Immediate horror hitting home that despite my refusal, he’s going to fuck me this way. I


    start fighting him, wriggling and making smothered yells and cries into the smooth fabric blinding me.


    Choking myself as I panic and squirm when he grabs my hip from behind to manoeuvre me into doggy


    position. Kicking my ankles apart and I almost crumble to my knees with the sudden movement—he


    has me powerless, my legs shaking and giving out as fear consumes me and I try like crazy to get my


    wrists from his cruel biting hold.


    A wave of terror overtakes me and I literally freak out at being face down while he tries to take me from


    behind. This is one thing that sends me into a psychotic rage and fear, and I will battle to the death


    before I let anyone do this to me again. That inner mental crazy who asionally surfaces,shes out


    and fights, twists and turns.


    Strength from God knows where. I push all my weight onto my chest and use my legs to break his hold


    on me, tears streaming and smearing across the couch as I cry out in desperation. Panic consuming


    me and turning me into a blubbering emotional mess in a nanosecond. I manage to get loose, enough


    to flip to my back and pull myself fully onto the sofa, to safety. Using my feet to shove him away as I


    curl up defensively and I can’t help the eruption of words thate out of me.


    ‘‘NO! NO! NO! GET FUCKING OFF ME. STOP IT! DON’T TOUCH ME!’’ I scream at him, lifting hands


    and legs defensively in readiness to fight, to save myself. A deranged little wildcat who has been


    backed into a corner and not caring about the spectacle of nakedness I am like this. He just pauses


    and looks at me as though I have lost my ever-loving mind. ‘‘What the hell are you doing?’’ He lifts his


    hands away, no longer trying to capture me and just looks nk. That typical Carrero response as I


    break and sob, hating that he reduced me to panic induced tears of fear. He has no idea how afraid he


    makes me or how doing that to me adds a whole new level of trauma. I have memories and scars that


    he knows nothing about.


    I’m breathing heavily and feeling stupid for my overreaction, but I just can’t. It’s how HE, that bastard


    boyfriend of my mother’s, always used to do this to me … hold me face down, suffocating in the


    nkets of my bed and hurt me from behind. He made me stand that way and if I buckled while he did


    it, then he would beat me ck and blue and start again. I can’t be taken from behind, it just makes me


    flip out irrationally and all I can see, hear, feel and smell is that fucking room back home and how many


    times he made me take this, tied, bound and gagged.


    I was a child.


    Warm tears slide down my cheeks and I just feel stupid and ashamed that he broke me enough to see


    this part. That I had a moment of weakness with him of all people and let my past and present collide


    so openly while ying into his hands and giving him more fuel for that sadistic smug mind of his. I


    swear since the day I met him he has been pulling apart the carefullyid bricks of my unbreakable wall


    and ruining the entire persona I built for myself.


    I don’t know how he even does it. I hate him so much!


    ‘‘What are you doing?’’ He asks again more edge to his tone as I stay in my stupidly childish position,


    holding up my palms and feet as though somehow nakedly I can stop him in this way. I have not a


    chance in hell of stopping the freight train that is Carrero, trembling like a pathetic feeble kid and


    sobbing in front of the one person who hasplete immunity to tears.


    Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.


    ‘‘Someone hurt me this way, repeatedly … Please don’t.’’ Ites out impulsively, broken and small


    and I curse myself for giving him this weapon over me. Information is everything to him and he uses


    your own scars against you effectively. I just feel so raw and fragile and start scrambling to rebuild the


    self-defence system I normally hide behind.


    Alexi just lookspletely unemotional and moves back, giving me room as I slowly lower my limbs,


    but his eyes never leave mine. I wipe my face and grab the grey fur throw from the couch and haul it


    over myself pathetically; needing a moment to regroup and put this shit back to bed. I feel vulnerable


    and way too wide open and eye him with zero trust. Embarrassed, humiliated and aware that I just put


    myself out there in a stupidly vulnerable position.


    I never fall apart anymore, I never let that stuff resurface and yet somehow the way he was being, the


    sense of being controlled and hurt, he brings it all back to the surface and has done from day one. I


    hate the effects he has over me and this was a mistake. A huge fucking mistake.


    ‘‘Who hurt you this way?’’ His question takes mepletely by surprise and I just blink at him brokenly.


    It’s not a gentle probing question, but one ofmand and a need to know. Carrero always needs to


    know, always questions things, and yet never seems to give a truly human response no matter how sad


    the answer. There is something wrong with him mentally and he ispletely broken as a person.


    ‘‘What?’’ I need more time to get my head together.


    ‘’Who hurt you?’’ He repeats it and sits on the coffee table, uncaring about beingpletely naked and


    clearlyfortable in his own skin. He just stares at me, with the same emotionless nk stare and


    waits for an answer. There’s nothing behind those pale eyes except calm, and I was wrong to think


    someone like him would feel anything for a woman being broken and tearful. It’s not a deterrent, and he


    probably wants to get it out and over and done with, so I will open my legs and let him finish what he


    was doing. He’s calcted enough to know it’s the fastest way to resume things.


    ‘’You did, on the floor. Leave me alone. I’m going to bed.’’ I try and deflect but when I try to get up he


    pushes me back down harshly, in no mood for games, and he’s in no rush to let me go either. I curse


    him internally and wipe another flood of tears from my cheeks, my body sagging with emotional fatigue


    and I have lost all cravings for hot sex now. ‘‘You belong to me … if someone hurt you then I want to


    know. I’ll take care of it.’’ Deadpan andpletely serious. I nch at him in stupefaction and then


    start tough manically, disbelievingly, and rather insanely.


    ‘‘Yeah sure Dahling, go find some fucking bastard who made my life a living hell long before your time.


    Good luck with that. What makes you are any better than him? You both figure you own me and I’m


    yours to do whatever you want to. The only difference between you and him is that you don’t hit me for


    your pleasure … yet—but you just inflicted pain on me in other ways so it’s not much of a step up.’’ I let


    out a sob and get angry at myself for letting him do this to me, letting him get to me. I get up shakily


    with my temper in full fury, no longer in control of the hot tears running down my face and Alexi doesn’t


    react, he just stands slowly and meets my small height. The throw is heavy and tugging down as I try to


    lift it up, but he just yanks it away and throws it down again. So I’m stood exposed, as he is, face to


    face.


    ‘’Are you done?’’ It’s all he fucking says, and I swear I seriously think about pping him for a second


    time. I shake my head at him in disbelief and shove him hard in the chest so he moves back a foot.


    Hating him with venom and for once it might be nice to have his human side show up when I require its


    presence. Sometimes, even I long for someone to care.