Chapter 200


    “I still love you, Jake, but I’m so confused right now and so hurt. I was always yours. I don’t know how


    else I could’ve made you believe it. What else I could have said or done?” I’ve no idea what else to say


    after that. So many things are running through my head, trying to process that Jake could be as


    insecure as me in our rtionship haspletely thrown me, I never imagined someone like him


    would doubt anything; let alone how I felt about him.


    “You didn’t need to, baby. I should’ve realized it before acting like the world’s biggest asshole. I love


    you more than anything in the world, you have to believe that.” He catches my other wrist and pulls


    both hands up, so I’m drawn toward him, his forehead touching mine, giving me no option but to obey.


    His alluring green eyes meet mine, but they are dark and foreboding with the intensity of his emotions.


    Emotions matching mine.


    I missed those eyes so much, like doorways to my soul.


    “You’re mine, you’ll always be mine, and I’ll literally rip the world apart to keep you, bambino.” He leans


    in and I know he’s going to kiss me, moving in slowly, his eyes focused on my mouth with a hint of


    longing so intense it stings through my chest. My heartbeat rises in tempo and my blood runs cold as


    fear overtakes me. My breathing hitches as he gently grazes his lips across mine, soft, warm, and


    tender. Familiar lips that I could almost fall into, hoping to erase the pain they caused.


    Marissa floods into my head smirking at me, pulling Jake’s mouth to hers while her eyes bore into the


    recesses of my mind, forcing me to push him away sharply.


    “I can’t … Not yet.” I gasp yanking back trying to reel in the crazy burst of emotions that are


    overwhelming me, suffocating me, and making my body tingle crazily. He lets me loose with a sigh and


    a look on his beautiful face of utter detion.


    “I understand. I told you, whatever you need, no matter how long it takes. I’m going to do whatever it


    takes to have you back with me.” The sincerity in his voice helps calm me.


    “I can’t think straight … I’m so tired and overemotional.” I sag against the couch, letting out a slow


    breath, wiping more tears from my already sensitive face. The hangover hits me hard again and fatigue


    pushes at my eyelids cruelly. I long for some peace in this nightmare for just a little while, all this


    emotional roller coaster has done is make me crave for sleep.


    He leans out pulling me into his arms, strong, safe, and secure. He slides back along the couch and


    nestles me alongside him as he lies down, his arms and legs around me, spooning me. I don’t fight or


    struggle. I’m too tired to protest or resist, a part of me wants this, after everything that he’s told me, a


    part of me needs to feel him around me right now. The pain of being close and not have him touch me


    has been agony.


    “Go to sleep, neonata. I’m not going anywhere; I could use the sleep too. I was up all night checking on


    drunk women.” He buries his face in the back of my hair and breathes me in, surrounding me with the


    security that I’ve been aching for. My mind is telling me to push him away, but my heart is aching with


    his touch. I close my eyes, trying to bring calm to my reeling mind, trying to ignore the way my body is


    rxing into him, molding itself to his hold like a traitorous whore.


    You’re weak, just like her! Your mother would be so proud!


    I push the voice in my head away, too tired for battle, too tired for any of this. I know I shouldn’t let him


    touch me, but I can’tpete against this. I’m tired, broken, and hungover and right now, lying here in


    his arms is a battle I’m too exhausted to fight against.


    “Maybe for a little while,” I say. “Then I should go.” I’m already rxing into him, tiredness fuzzing out


    my brain, like being enveloped into a soft, fluffy, warm room after a terrifyingly cold night. It’s so easy to


    rx in his arms, they’ve always been my safety and my whole world. The fatigue is moving in with


    just his hold over me as though I’ve been waiting toe back to this.


    Lying here like this I finally feel able to still my mind, focusing on just the feel and smell of him. The


    gentleness of his breathing and the way his fingers stroke my arm. It’s all so familiar and so necessary


    to my mental state. I don’t fight sleep as it moves in, enveloped in his arms, in the warmth and security


    my body has been longing for.


    Text ? by N0ve/lDrama.Org.


    * * *


    I wake with a jump, dreaming I was falling, my heart racing as I bump back to reality. Jake’s arms


    tighten around me and hold me still.


    “It’s okay,” he mumbles, sleepily, not fully coherent, bringing my cheek to his mouth and kissing me


    lightly. His warm breath giving me tingles and soothing my racing heart. “I’m here.” His voice is gravelly,


    he’s half-asleep and I’m still held in his arms on the soft leather couch, only now there’s a warm, fur


    throw over us and the room is so dark it’s almost impossible to see. The only lights on show areing


    from New York’s sparkling glow through the long, wide window behind us and I guess we must’ve slept


    for hours as it’s the middle of the night. Hisfort pains me, the way he can be asleep and still try to


    reassure me.


    “I’m okay, it wasn’t one of those dreams. I dreamed I was falling, and it gave me a fright.” I try not to


    move, knowing if I turn to him, I won’t stay here, I’ll leave. I don’t want to face reality and do this right


    now or give up being in his embrace just yet.


    “Do you want to get up?” He squeezes me a little, clearing his throat to sound more awake, a huge


    lump hitting me in the stomach. The surge of emotion at his closeness and all his Jake mannerisms. He


    sounds unsure, wondering if I’m going to ask to go home. I can feel it in the tense way he’s holding


    onto me and my heart bleeds a little.


    “Don’t ever do that to me again,” I cry, suddenly letting all the emotion break loose at his tenderness.


    He freezes, his body going stiff , a slight ripple of his muscles against me.


    “Do what?” His voice hoarse, as I unleash this burst of crazy Emma who has pounced out in the dark.


    There’s a mild hint of confusion in his voice as he tries to understand what it is he’s done to me while


    lying here next to me.


    “Don’t ever hurt me again … Don’t ever do that to me again! Don’t kiss another person or shut me out


    or make me feel like I don’t matter! Don’t make me feel like you don’t love me anymore or don’t give a


    shit about how you make me feel.” The sobs overtake me, and I can’t say anymore. He crushes me to


    him, wrapping those arms tightly around me, pulling me into his body so we’re almost one.


    “Emma …” The pain in his voice matches mine, grabbing me so close that he’s squeezing me. “You


    think I would ever be that stupid again? Thisst week has destroyed me. Do you know how many


    times I drove to Queens and sat a block away from your apartment, stopping myself froming for


    you? About three times a day, every day. I had to stop myself because I knew you didn’t want to see


    me, and it killed me. I was right there, baby, when flowers were rejected, and gifts thrown back,


    because I hoped one of them might make you call me, and I wanted to be there as soon as you did. I


    swear I’ll never, ever hurt you, never betray you again. I’m sorry, sorrier than I can ever find the words


    to tell you. No one hates what I did more than me. Please, Emma, just give me one chance and I


    promise you I’ll never give you another reason to leave me for the rest of our lives. I love you, you’re all


    that matters to me, nothing else is worth anything if you’re not a part of it. How you feel is everything.


    You’re inside of me, you’re a part of me, my heart doesn’t beat without you, baby. I need you,” he says


    it all, barely taking a breath, clinging to me fiercely.


    I turn in his arms and throw myself around him takingfort from the person I need most in the world.


    I still ache, I’m still grieving for what he’s done but I need to be here with him if I’m to heal. The


    wracking pain from being away from him is more unbearable than facing the pain of what he’s done to


    us. It’s crazy and messed-up; maybe it makes me weak but it’s the only way I can function.


    “I don’t want to leave,” I whimper, with my head buried in his neck.


    “No one is making you go, Emma, in fact, they’re going to have to fight me to the death to try to get you


    out of my arms. I won’t let you go.” The hoarseness in his voice betrays his emotion, close to breaking


    down, yet with a hint of stubborn Carrero.


    “I want toe home.” I sniff, quietly, my heart wrenching through my chest, painfully.


    “I want you home. I need you home.” He presses his mouth to my forehead and inhales me heavily.


    I sound like a broken child, wrapped in my security nket, longing for him to take all my decisions


    away and take care of me. I can be angry and sort out the mess of what we have left tomorrow, then,


    when I’m more able to, we can face this, together; whatever ‘this’ is, or is going to be.


    “I still don’t know if I can …” I hesitate, screwing my eyes shut against his chest, breathing in his scent.


    “I told you, I’ll do whatever you need, baby. As much space as you need … As much time as you need.


    Come home, I’ll sleep somewhere else in here if that’s what you need. I’m begging you.” His voice is


    rough and low, his arms holding me tight, and I know he’ll never let anyone take me.


    My Jake. My security. My tormentor.