Chapter 148


    My day is going to consist of sitting about here if I don’t n something productive. I end up sat in


    Jake’s rarely used home office with myptop and try to work through everything Margo has forwarded


    at my request. It seems taking that month away from this side of the business has made it so much


    harder for me to slot back into this life and I’m finding it less than satisfying.


    The time we’ve spent at the office, I barely made a dent and found every file ridiculously hard to focus


    on. My mind always wandering to the six-foot two hunk in the next room. I used to love working for, and


    with, Jake but now, looking back, I think it was more than just the job; it was him and being around him,


    even if back then I couldn’t admit it to myself. Now that he is mine and all I can focus on; I’m finding


    returning to PA mode more than difficult.


    Staying home today hadn’t only been because Jake insisted, I just didn’t want to go in and deal with the


    mundane right now. My head is all over the ce and old in control and got her crap together Emma so


    far removed from who I have be, this is getting difficult. The change in dynamics between us has


    altered how I feel about my career, something which shocks me to the core. I have more than just a job


    now. I have a future to look forward to, I have hope. I have love from someone who makes me re-


    evaluate everything I nned for in my man free, single life I had painstakingly worked toward.


    By lunch I ampletely fed up, close to tears at my own inability to focus and decide I need a change


    of scenery. Looking through my clothes, I find something feminine and floaty, bought by Donna the


    personal shopper that I previously dismissed as ‘not my thing’ and throw it on. I’m aware of how


    differently I have begun dressing because of Jake. Romantic clothes that I would never have tolerated


    before. Soft, girly dresses, cute shoes, and essories, my whole style losing the hard tailored and


    cold PA look and bing far more young college girlfriend. A style I have never embraced but


    somehow, seeing that look on his face when I dress this way makes the world of difference. I don’t


    have to be scared of attracting sleazy men anymore, I have my protector and he will rip men apart who


    try to touch me. I like the fact that Jake has that sh of jealousy to match mine, makes me feel less


    insecure and stupid. He is my security nket now; I don’t need my armor anymore.


    * * *


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    I get Jefferson to take me to Queens to see Sarah before she heads out to work and spend some time


    with her in front of the TV, catching up. It seems like forever since I was here, even though it’s been


    barely days. Marcus is at work, having finally found himself a regr nine-to-five position in an office


    block and things seem to have settled between the ever-sparring couple. I notice the apartment looks


    different, small, subtle, masculine changes such as a new stereo and upgraded TV. Part of me a little


    hurt that he’s changing things with Sarah and I’m no longer part of the decisions or part of the


    atmosphere anymore. I guess it’s a good sign, we’re going in our own directions, letting life lead us.


    I enjoy my time with her and while I sit watching Sarah make us food, I catch up with Sophie on the


    phone.


    “I’m doing good … I really like my school; Le takes me shopping almost every weekend. She’s


    awesome and I love the fact that she says she’s your bestie.” She giggles, obvious affection for her


    new sister. Le hinted that Sophie has befriended Arrick Carrero too.


    “Tell her I’lle next time you go. I could do with some new girly things.” I smile and actually mean it.


    I catch Sarah throwing me a puzzled look and mouth, “Shopping”, at her. She looks rmed and


    makes meugh at her reaction. I guess the old me would never have wanted to go on a girly shopping


    spree. The old me ordered all her clothes online and never cared about anything girly.


    “That would be amazing, Le never shuts up about you … And Jake,” she adds hesitantly then


    bravely asks, “Are you two really together now? Like, as in, properly a couple?”


    “Yes, we are,” I answer proudly and smile at the satisfied giggle on the other end. My face warming at


    her childishugh, so good to hear my girl in such a way. After everything, she sounds happy. Really


    happy and it forms a huge lump which lodges in my throat.


    “Good, because you already seemed like a really good couple. He looks after you.” She remarks as


    though giving her blessing. No hint of the scared and sad girl that she was in Chicago not so long ago.


    “Yes, he does. He’s perfect.” I agree, that longing for him toe home washing over me again. I


    check my watch and catch another haughty look from Sarah. She’s chided my constant time checking


    since I arrived. He won’t be home until the middle of the night and it’s only mid-afternoon. Not long now.


    Emma, you’re being one of those predictable, pathetic women who cannot function without their man!


    The conversation soon turns to my mother and Sophie is overjoyed to hear I’m finally going to see her


    to smooth things over; the girl has real affection for my mother. Despite all my issues with her, my


    memories and my past, all Sophie has known is a woman who took her in when she needed someone


    and that led her to me. She begs me to take her next time, once she has a break from school and


    makes me promise. I can’t tell her that I regret making ns to go, she would never understand.


    Before long, Sarah needs to leave for work, and I get Jefferson to drive her there before I head back to


    the city. It’s still early but I’m restless so I swing by Carrero House to collect some files from Margo.


    Maybe if I just throw myself into it without Jake around to distract me then I might finally feel capable of


    doing this job again.


    I get up to the sixty-fifth floor, ignoring the looks from almost everyone I pass. For once, I can’t decide if


    it’s because I’m Jake’s girlfriend now or because I’m dressed in a romantic floaty dress and look


    nothing like PA Emma. I stick my chin up defiantly and walk on regardless. Chin held high and a


    confidence glowing from me that seems to be flourishing with love.


    * * *


    I end up sitting in Jake’s chair in his office with my feet, free from shoes, curled up under me, pouring


    over the documents Rosalie has brought for me. A lot of it is just reading and catch up, the merger


    details, some other small projects Jake has on the go, some new updates to thepany policy. It all


    just blurs together and soon I’m distracted and bored.


    Bored? I never bore of work.


    I check my watch again, sighing that it’s barely 4.00 p.m. At least he’ll be getting on a ne around


    now, I frown as I realize he’s not called me since this morning. I didn’t want to call him in case it


    interrupted the meeting. Not one text. Which shocks me and hurts me at the same time. I check my


    phone and realize that’s because it’s died at some point between the apartment, Sarah’s, and here so I


    go off in search of Jake’s charging dock to plug it in on the other side of the room, it’s too t to switch


    on so I leave it alone for now.


    Completely bored, I end up swiveling my chair around and watching the New York scenery with a


    heavy sigh, letting the papers slide down myp. Leaning back in the seat and curling my feet under


    my legs, I smile at the fact this is the first time I’ve sat in Jake’s chair. Even as his PA I would never


    have dreamed ofmandeering his office and snuggling in his chair, somehow it seemed too


    intimate, yet here I am now. Using his chair in ce of him, using his office to feel closer. This is as


    much his style as his apartment, all masculine colors and modern art and tiny, sentimental touches. If I


    close my eyes, I can still smell his scent lingering in the room.