Chapter 129


    I wake up and try to stretch out, but I’m restricted by Jake’s heavy body, wrapped around me like


    always. If I have oneint about my lover, it’s this unearthly way of sleeping. He literally manages


    to get as much skin on skin and limb twisting as possible and somehow maneuvers me into positions


    while unconscious that defy the human body’s ability to bend.


    I slide a leg out from between his, rotating my foot to get some feeling back and attempt at retrieving an


    arm which has gone to sleep pressed under his weight. He is impossible to get loose from in bed, the


    second I move free he reaches out and re-curls himself to me, pulling my limbs to how he wants them


    around him. He’s sleeping heavily, I can tell by his deep, even breaths, so moving slowly I manage to


    get myself loose with some effort.


    Sitting up beside him, I gently stroke his cheek with a smile on my face. His sleeping habits are more of


    an insecure child longing for cuddles than the confident awake Carrero, just anotheryer to my


    fascinating man that endears him to me.


    I get up, finding a robe quickly and head out to the upper deck for some air. It’s dark but the horizon


    has hints of color as though sunrise is not far away, the air is cool and refreshing after his stifling body


    temperature.


    I was dreaming about my mother again,tely she’s been guing my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s


    because of Jake being in my life this way, I somehow feel obliged to tell her, or if it’s just being with him


    which has started to make me feel differently about my decision to see her again. She is still my mother


    and being with Jake has shown me what she’s always been searching for and never found, which, in a


    way, is sad. That one guy who can bring such happiness to her life, the way Jake has mine and I have


    some remorse about it now.


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    Is it wrong to want to find love? To be that desperate for it that you push away all the bad and try not to


    see it.


    There’s no denying he’s changed me in so many ways, he’s brought that cold ice queen PA back in


    touch with emotions and feelings that I could never have imagineding back to. Changed my way of


    thinkingpletely.


    I’ve seen my mother in a different light and yete back around to feeling some sort of forgiveness


    toward her in such a short space of time. Maybe it’s because Jake told me about my father and


    somehow, it’s made my mother more appealing to me. Despite her ws she kept me, raised me, and


    in her own way, I know she loves me. No amount of money in the world would have made her walk


    away, even when she chose her lovers over me, in the end it was I who left and she never tired of


    asking me toe back to Chicago.


    I breathe in slowly and deeply, finally cool enough to go back below deck, tiredness fogging out the


    thoughts which woke me. The call of his body luring me back toy beside him, as though it’s starting


    to fade at hisck of presence. I am a butterfly who needs the sun to fly and he is that light for me.


    I climb back in bed slowly, he’s shifted in his sleep, so he’s moved away to lie on his back and it’s


    easier for me toy down beside him. cing my head on his chest, his arm automaticallyes


    around me, pulling me up tight against him, his chines to my head. He makes me smile; even


    asleep he somehow has this sixth sense that I’m here. I wrap my arm around his ribs and close my


    eyes, trying to push my mother out of my mind’s eye for the time being.


    “I’m awake, baby.” His voice startles me. “I woke up and figured you needed some ‘you’ time … I


    always wake up when you leave me.” I sense his smile against my hair, the irony of his sentence. He


    told me that my going away had been a huge wake up call to how much he needs me. I shake my head


    at his cheesiness and throw a light kiss on his broad chest.


    “I was thinking about my mother … I guess I’d been dreaming about her.” I shrug nonchntly and


    sigh.


    “You thinking you maybe want to see her?” he asks cautiously, he still has no idea how to tread over


    the subject of my mother. As far as I know, he thinks I should have a rtionship with her because she


    gave birth to me. I’ve always known he had some mixed feelings about the woman who left me


    subjected to so much in my youth, but his own rtionship with his mamma has made him ignore


    them.


    “I don’t know anymore.” I exhale heavily. “Part of me never wants to see her again …… Then part of


    me feels like I’ve so much more to say to her.” His other armes across and envelopes me in a


    tighter hug, cradling me in.


    “She’s still your mamma. I think you’ll always regret not trying to talk to her again. If you want to see


    her, I’lle with you … For moral support.” His hand moves up to my hair and begins caressing my


    scalp gently.


    “I think I’d like that,” I utter softly, closing my eyes and listening to the steady beat of his heart in his


    chest, lulling me back into calmness. I think about the fact that old Emma never wanted Jake near her


    past or her mother, yet here we and I’m happy to have him with me.


    His chest rises and fall a little more quickly and his arm tenses a touch making me take note of his


    sudden change in demeanor. I open my eyes, aware of how in tune I’ve be to him, how he seems


    hesitant suddenly.


    Does he maybe not want toe to Chicago?


    “What is it?” I ask bluntly, alerted and I too tense, sensing something is off. He sighs heavily as though


    he’s just been busted and stiffens all over.


    “I had a message on my phone when I woke up.” He sighs again. “We might need to cut this trip short,


    miele.” He lets go of me and slides out of the bed, reaching for his jeans and pulls them on before


    coming to sit back down to take my hand. I can see his face in the moonlighting in the uncovered


    window ports. I’ve learned that when he thinks an argument is likely he’ll always get up and pull pants


    on. It amuses me as somewhere in my head I wonder if he’s protecting his tackle in case things get


    frisky. Maybe he thinks I’ll go in for the kill below the waist in anger. It only makes me anxious now that


    he thinks a fight is brewing.


    “Why? … What is it?” I stutter in confusion and my heart beats a little harder.


    “Marissa … She’s demanding that we sit down withwyers, she wants our agreements in writing. A


    contract so to speak, and my father is pushing for it like crazy. She also wants to talk money and her


    requests. If I ignore her, she’ll only keep hounding me and ruin our time here.” The tightness in his


    voice makes my skin prickle and irritation sparks as that green eyed me kicks out.


    “She wants what? Does she think you’re going to go back on your promises? She doesn’t need your


    money; her family is as loaded as yours, and what goddamn requests? You owe her nothing, until that


    babyes then she’s nothing to you … Your rtionship will be with the kid, not her!” I snap, my rage


    getting the better of me and the rush of negative emotion fuels my outpouring. Sitting up quickly, my


    insecurity and jealousy showing face in unison. He leans forward grabbing me and pulls me over


    toward him, his hand stroking my cheek gently in a bid to calm me.


    “She thinks I won’tmit to the sses and being at the birth because I now have a vested interest


    elsewhere … You … It’s also pushed her to demand that you’ll not be included in the trips to LA or the


    rtionship I have with her, and that after the birth you can’t have anything to do with the baby unless I


    marry you,” he says hurriedly, an edge to his tone as he rushes to get it out.


    I gasp in shock … Confusion crushing me.


    What? She’s threatened by me? She’s trying to drive a wedge between us in the only way she can.


    It’s obvious she’s still in love with Jake and this is her biggest weapon. She’s going to use his child as a


    pawn to maneuver him to meet her demands and try to tear us apart in the process.


    “You’re going to agree?” I snap in anger, his hands tightening on me as tears gather in the back of my


    eyes, stinging with a bite.


    “No! Why would you think that?” He frowns. “She can’t dictate who I take with me on my own fucking


    ne to LA, or who stays in the hotel with me, she doesn’t own me. She’s not my goddamn wife. Once


    that kid arrives, if she wants me to have ess then she’ll need to get used to the fact you’ll be there,


    whether we’re married or not.” He gets up, letting me go and paces back and forth in agitation. “She


    doesn’t need money, but I’m giving her money anyway, for our child … Not for her. Marissa is


    maniptive, it’s a fucking gift of hers, she thinks by throwing in the jibe about marriage that I’ll run for


    the hills because she thinks I’m amitment-phobe.” He sneers. “She’s no idea how different things


    are with you … If I need to marry you to let you see my kid, I’ll marry you tomorrow, because I’ll marry


    you anyway … Now or in the future, Emma, you’re going to be my wife.” He storms around letting that


    infamous temper rip and I just gawp at him, stupefied.