Chapter 122


    “She gave me some good advice while you took about three hours to get ready…. I didn’t want a


    reaction, miele, I was grateful. I’ll never make you jealous either. I’m sorry, baby.” He kisses me,


    breaking away to rub his nose against mine, a little show of affection that I’m getting fond of. “I don’t


    have any interest in getting reactions from other women … Only you.”


    I smile up at him shyly; he always knows just what to say to me and that inner anxiety fades away,


    reced with a sudden desire to curl around him and squeeze tightly.


    “What advice did she give you?” I question softly, my arms finding his waist even though we’re still


    standing at the top of the stair in my apartment building. His mouth staying close to mine.


    “To remember how easy it is for you to hide behind that wall when you’re scared … To never let it stand


    between us again.” He kisses my forehead softly. “She reminded me that despite seeming like you’re


    always in control and capable, deep down you’re that same kid from Chicago who learned to keep


    people out. No one protected you …… But I’m here now and I’ll always look after you, il mio amore.”


    He kisses me again, slowly, more deliberately, sending my heart into a fluttering mess as I be


    putty in his hands.


    “I know you will,” I answer honestly, my mind casting back to Ray Vanquis and his admission that Ray


    was gone from my mother’s life for good. He smiles at me, locking eyes, before pulling me after him


    down to the car in the street below.


    Some teenagers are gathered around admiring it and stand back in awe when he opens the door and


    throws my bag into the tiny rear seats. Jake gives the kids money and thanks them for watching his car


    while there are smiles and high fives all around. One of them whispers loudly that he knows who he is,


    and they all seem to flush. I notice he’s given them each a fifty and almost balk at it. Kids from around


    here aren’t exactly well-off, he probably just made their month. Easiest way to spend a few hundred


    bucks. Something I’ll never get used to with him is thisplete disregard over money.


    They stand back in admiration to watch us drive off.


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    Less than an hourter we’re at the airport boarding Jake’s private jet with all our bags in tow. This has


    happened so fast, I’ve barely had time to think, let alone breathe. I feel like I’m running away from work,


    from life, from everything and taking a time out in some fantasy romance novel with a millionaire who


    can pull strings like no other. I should be used to this side of him, we used to take business trips at the


    drop of a hat and to him this is no different. To me, this is craziness. My whole world has been upended


    overnight.


    Jake pulls me up the steps and leads me into the jet with him, a sense of familiarity that feels so good. I


    missed this ne, I missed everything that was a part of him, of being with him. I missed our trips


    together.


    He guides me to a window seat and slides in next to me,ying a hand on myp with a smile and


    another kiss. Jake’s constant kissing is starting to be my normal, but it still catches me by surprise how


    demonstrative he can be, I’ll never tire of it. With hugging, hand holding, affectionate gestures, and


    constant verbal praise, I never imagined he would be this way. I never saw it with any of the women he


    hauled along or went out with, they were the ones who always clung to him, pushed him for a kiss or a


    hand to hold, always trying to get affection from him. He always seemed aloof and overly polite with


    them.


    He shifts in his chair retrieving his phone from his pocket and looks down at the vibrating gadget, a


    frown of frustration crosses his face. He nces at me, a fleeting moment of doubt but then answers


    hesitantly.


    “Marissa … How can I help you?” he sounds tense and nces my way warily, obviously watching for


    my reaction.


    My stomach drops and I turn away to look out the window and bite my lip in vain. I won’t let him see me


    upset over this. She had to surface at some point, I couldn’t go on pretending she didn’t exist. His hand


    finds mine on myp and pulls it back to him, entwining our fingers gently and giving me much needed


    attention and reassurance.


    My caring boyfriend.


    Who knew that Casanova could be this attentive? So in tune with me he knows when I need his touch.


    “I won’t be here for the next couple of weeks, so that will be a no.” He seems irritated. I try not to listen


    and lean my face against the window instead, concentrating on watching the airfield while the crew


    load our luggage and get ready to take-off, the door is still open, and I have the urge to get up and go


    outside until he’s off the phone.


    “Look, I told you … No, I did … I’ll be there at the end of the month … You’re the one who doesn’t want


    me at the other appointments … Because I’m noting to see you. There’s no reason toe more


    often.” He snaps. “OK, Marissa, I need to go … I’m taking my girlfriend on a break … Emma! Fuck off,


    Marissa. Just hang up before you say something you’ll regret.” He disconnects angrily and throws his


    phone across the aisle at another seat with surprising uracy and aim, that fiery temper of his has


    seen many cells hurtling this way. He turns to me and tugs my hand, so I nce at him, seeing he


    looks worried when I face him, and it melts some of my iciness.


    “I’m sorry, bambino. I didn’t expect her to call.” He leans down, rubbing his nose against mine, catching


    my chin with his hand and tugging my mouth open a little so he can kiss me tenderly. I respond, trying


    to forget my upset in the midst of his touch as I hear the click of the door being shut and pull back to


    look past him. We’ll be taking off soon, so I move to fasten my seatbelt.


    “You don’t want to talk about this?” he asks warily, watching me, but I just shrug and tend to my belt.


    What is there to talk about? I don’t want there to even be a situation with Marissa, but there’s nothing I


    can do about it.


    “What’s there to say?” I finally answer because his eyes are boring into me and he hasn’t moved.


    “You haven’t even asked for updates … What’s expected of me before the babyes.” He’s walking


    on eggshells trying to gauge my reaction and I look away as the tears rise inside of me. I don’t think I’ll


    ever feel able to talk about this.


    “What is happening?” I mutter softly, only because I feel he wants me to. He senses my distance and


    sits back, he knows Emma in closed down mode, knows when to step off a little. I may be improved


    Emma nowadays but it’s early days and easy to revert to kind. Although Jake seems to be in new and


    improved mode too, and instead of old Jake pushing me for answers, he’s being gentle.


    “I need to fly to LA once a month … Go to antenatal sses with her as she wants me at the birth.” He


    shifts, making the seat creak with his weight, and turns toward me so he can watch my profile a little


    better. I continue to stare out of the window, trying to detach myself from this conversation. Distancing


    myself from the pain that’s wing up inside me and strangling my soul. “She doesn’t want me at any


    of the medical appointments, scans et cetera, just the sses … Every four weeks for the next six


    months, then fortnightly until the babyes.”


    “LA?” I repeat in surprise,st I knew, Marissa lived in New York. Location seems like a safe topic, but


    also one that annoys me. He’ll have to go there once a month to see her.


    “Yeah, she headed out there after we came back. She’s got a condo that she’s living in … It means


    though, that when I fly there, I’ll need to stay over one night for the ss and head home next day.” He


    nces down at my hands, seeing it held loosely drops it. I hadn’t realized I’d let go of my grip on his


    and instead he slides an arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward him. “Talk to me.” He pleads a


    little desperately.


    “I am …” I start but his look stops me, furrowing his brows and I swallow down the pain.


    “You’re asking questions … Not really telling me what you’re thinking, baby.” He chides softly. “I want to


    know how all of this is making you feel. I want to know if my going to see her will upset you.” He sighs.


    “You’ve never told me how you feel about there even being a baby.”


    I turn my face away and hold down everything because talking about this is too hard.


    If I tell him how I really feel, what then? It’s not exactly good … And then he’ll know how much I hate


    this.


    All I can manage is a shrug, the words too painful to spit out but he sighs and squeezes me a little


    tighter.


    “You know the old me would have been pissed at this … You going silent and brushing it off. Acting like


    you’re bored and don’t care … I now realize that this version of you is when you’re hurting the most,


    miele. You don’t need to say it, Emma, it’s pretty clear that you’re distraught over this whole situation.


    It’s okay to not be fine with this … I’m not fine with it either.”