Our electricity flickered off this evening. We have called an electrician. Due to the tornado’s damage it will be an unspecified amount of time before a repair man can come. TonightI am in Hae-in’s room, Hae-in has been relegated to the couch in the front room, while Auntie Ji An and Gong Yoo share Neighbor Song’s room.


    I hear the back door open then close.I wish I had the stamina and the courage to join Hae-in on a run. I wish I had the courage to just talk to him. But, I don’t. Since Jason’s call I have felt off kilter and scared. Jason is a determined man who knows how to play me. Before I came to Korea I would have settled for almost any terms just to have him back. Not now. Jason was my first serious relationship ever. He is a good guy. I could turn him into a monster tonight, because honestly that would make me feel better, only I don’t. Worse, I can’t. Too many memories have crept to the surface of my mind.


    I do miss what was good about us. That good wasn’t enough to keep him with me. This stings. Unable to bear my thoughts any longer, I get up and go to the kitchen. Some hot honey tea might soothe my upset stomach. Unexpectedly,the back door opens. Hae-in didn’t go for a run.  He takes one look at me and asks, “Are you okay?”


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    I find I can’t speak. All I can do is shake my head. He crosses the distance between us. Without thought or reservations I step into his arms. He pulls me close. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. I feel the panic I have felt since Jason’s call begin to ease. The comfort of Hae-in begins to pull me out of the funk I put myself into. His hand strokes the back of my head. I don’t move, I just hold on tighter. I have so missed being held by a man.I feel the tightness in my chest uncoil, but I don’t let go and he doesn’t let go either. I look up at him. His smile is gentle. He asks, “How do you feel now?”


    I whisper, “Better. Thank you.”


    He doesn’t ask what’swrong. He waits. I hear myself telling him, “The call I got today was from my ex. I think he wants us to get back together.”


    Hae-in’s expression changes ever so slightly when he asks, “What do you want?”


    At this moment, I want Hae-in. I don’t say that though. I say, “I just want to move forward. I know it is over and that makes me sad.”


    He doesn’t say a word, he just pulls me closer.