I am lost in Hae-in’s eyes. If they are brown, the brown is so dark it is almost black. I see myself reflected in them. At that moment, my phone buzzes. Apparently we also have phone service. I break eye contact with Hae-in and pull my phone out of my pocket. Jason’s picture is on the screen. I press the screen against my chest because I don’t want Hae-in to see who it is. I feel my face go red. So stupid. I start to silence the phone, but then I realize, if Jason doesn’t get in touch with me he will call my mom. I glance at Hae-in and say, “Uh, I better take this.”


    Hae-in nods. A frown is forming on his face.


    I turn away from him and head down the drive. I answer. The voice I once loved, asks, “Oh Iz are you okay? I heard about the storm.” Jason is the only person who has ever called me Iz.


    A well of conflicting emotions rise inside of me. I reply, “We are okay. Auntie Ji An lost a few windows but everything else is okay.”


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    “That’s a relief.” He sounds genuine.“I am glad you are okay. I’ve missed you.”There is a pause as he waits for my response.


    In that moment I realize that I haven’t missed him. I tell him, “Thanks for checking on me. We are really busy. I need to get back to it.”


    “Oh, sorry.” I can hear the disappointment in his voice. A part of me leans towards being a bit more kind, but another part of me pushes back. He continues, “I will see you when you get home.”


    This is not a request, this is an assumption that I will want to see him. I don’t want to see him. In fact if I never saw him again, I would be okay with that. All I say is, “Okay. Bye.” I end the call. However, with two short words I have committed myself to a meeting I don’t want. I turn, on the porch Hae-in is looking at me. Beside him is Auntie Ji An. Quickly, I drop my eyes. Whatever my eyes are communicating, it is something I don’t want either of them to see. I pray Auntie Ji An doesn’t ask me who it was. She doesn’t. I feel the cold tingly of panic as it rushes through my body. I don’t want this panic Jason ignited in me. What am I so afraid of? I think I am afraid of going backwards. It has taken months for me to regain my current equilibrium. I don’t want that stolen from me, and worse than that, I don’t want to give it away. NOT THIS TIME.