Chapter 23: The Agony


    I bend double, stomach twisting itself inside out, and dry wretch as my body tries to vomit out the


    contents of my earlier breakfast. A washing machine motion making me spasm as I gag once or twice.


    Sweating profusely, limbs shaking with exertion, and heart working so hard I think I''m having a heart


    attack, and it''s about to explode through my chest. I can feel my own pulse inside my ears and in my


    throat while I use my hands on my knees to brace my body and gasp for breath to fill myboring


    lungs. I feel like I''m on the verge of dying.


    "Here, drink some water and it''ll pass. Take a breather." Colton holds out a cold bottle towards me,


    foggy with condensation and straight from the ice bucket, at eye level and I can''t even muster up the


    ability to reach out and take it. I cough up phlegm, my throat burning painfully, and exhale wheezily in


    some sort of response. I can''t believe how unfit I am.


    "It''ll get easier, you''re just at the start of building stamina." He carries on, cing the bottle on the grass


    below me near my feet within my eyeline, and sinks down on his haunches to gaze up at me, tilting his


    face and smiling handsomely. A bead of sweat runs from my messy ponytail down past my ear and


    somehow travels across my cheek to drip off the tip of my nose. I can feel more running down the


    center of my spine, between my shoulder des, and I shudder.


    "If I... make it… that …far." It''s an effort and a half to get the words out and he grins at me, amused with


    my uselessness. We''ve been out here for hours. Stretching, running, exercising, jumping boards,


    climbing obstacles. I never knew physical training could inflict so much agony.


    "You''re doing fine. First time my father put me through this, I cked out and woke up covered in my


    own vomit, at his feet." He shrugs with that cute boy smirk as though it''s some sort of proud memory


    and I squint at him. Not sure why that''s a helpful or encouraging thing to say, and he chuckles, that


    sexy half smile of his bringing out his dimples and pats me on the back firmly. I feel like he''s being more


    condescending than sympathetic and inhale with effort, sure my lungs might no longer be working to


    full capacity, and then blow out a long hot exhale. Trying to recover enough to take the damn drink I


    sorely need.


    The noise of a field full of various aged people, all in different stages of training is all around us, voices


    echoing among the rumble of vehicles, and building works in the further distance. It feels like a school


    sports day, only with more shouting and yelling, and much older people. Also, a lot fitter, because I


    don''t remember my ss ever taking on a course like this and doing it without dying.


    The whole valley is in movement, orders being carried out, and there''s been an ongoing stream of


    trucks all day so far. Bringing supplies, materials, and wolves from further down the valley outskirts of


    its furthest point. They started construction further down and there''s been rumbling and thudding


    noisesing from that direction on the wind. They were quick to assemble and start to put things in


    motion at the crack of dawn and its humbling to see the force that is Santo, in the flesh.


    The worst of the internal burn inside of me calms down with the non-movement of my limbs and the


    three minutes of rest. I grab at the bottle and manage to straighten up, if somewhat painfully. My body


    trembling, and my legs weak, I can''t take it anymore slumping down on my butt ungracefully, epting


    fate. I''m done. It doesn''t help that we''re moving from spring to summer and the sun is hitting its high


    point of the day and slow roasting us all to a crisp. Not the best time to take your unfit self and put it


    through military style athletics.


    Colton looks up and towards a podium where senior wolves stand issuing orders at the masses, and


    nods silently. I guess someone is talking to him and he shes me back a sympathetic smile.


    "You''ll be pleased to know you have a two-hour rest and refresh session to go easy andy face down


    on your bed." He extends a hand to me, straightening up to stand up himself and I bat it away with


    another frown.


    "I''m going toy right here, thank you very much, and hope to god I wake up and this was all a bad


    dream." It''s a better attempt at verbal conversation but I still sound like an asthmatic dying pig. If only


    that was a strong possibility.


    I let myself slump back into the short prickly terrain cushioning my ungraceful fall, and stare up at the


    cloudless blue sky, so utterly relieved to be able to let my body finally stop. It would be a beautiful day if


    I could appreciate it.


    The fatigue washes over me and highlights how done my limbs are, and how unlikely it is they''re going


    to cooperate or recover anytime soon. I can''t take anymore even if I wanted to and hours of physical


    exertion have highlighted how unfit I am, while Colton barely broke a sweat.


    "Do you need me to go get a wheelchair, or give you a piggyback?" He''s mocking me now, his tone


    light, that air of cheeky and I can tell his dimples will be on show. I shove at his foot weakly as he gets


    up,es close and toe digs me softly. Trying to push me into action. He towers over me offering a


    little shade from the direct light and I take a second to admire the formidable build of my Adonis. He''s in


    a gray tracksuit that molds to his perfect muscr body and even in this heat, he has it zipped up to the


    top of the stand-up cor. No hint of being overheated, or sweaty or even reddening and I wonder


    what''s up with that.


    "Nope. Go away and leave me here to be one with the daisies. I''ve decided this isn''t the life for


    me." It''s humor on my part, the atmosphere between us today a lot less strained thanst night. He


    seems brighter, more like his usual self today, working, and training in the sub pack, I could tell he is


    back on normal form. Carmen even managed to irritate him less as we were all so focused on what we


    had to do.


    This morning, at dawn, started with a twenty-minute yoga type bunch of stretches, a warmup, followed


    by a two-mile run that was a major shock to my system. I''ve now added sadist to his list of less


    desirable traits, because he''s a bossy asshole who kept running behind me and pushing me along by


    my butt when Igged behind, refusing to let me stop no matter how much I begged him. Or maybe it


    was just an excuse to put his hands on my ass. Either way, it wasn''t appreciated while I was panting


    like an old person trying to climb a stair.


    "Can''t, the grass cutterse out at noon and I don''t think you would look good shredded and


    decorating the field. Come on,zy, we need to go shower, eat, and head out this afternoon. We have


    things to do."


    That brings me back to reality and hits me with a note of seriousness. I know what it is we have to do


    and whether I want to or not, I''m being dragged along, as he has this idea that from yesterday, I


    became part of his sub pack. Luckily, his father hasn''t been around today to see me among his best,


    because I know he isn''t going to like this slow integration Colton has me doing.


    The n this afternoon is to split into trucks to start visiting the viges around the mountain. Juan


    wants us to issue notices, and orders, to ''deal'' with disobeyers. Colton managed to convince him that


    force wasn''t needed, or advisable, in the end. I guess Juan slept on it, and this morning new orders


    were issued among the pack leaders. We''ve to deliver face to face written notice that might give them


    time toe around to having them up and move the few miles to the Santo domain. I know it''s


    because of Colton standing up to him.


    Colton has a good heart, and despite years of thinking him arrogant and careless of people below him,


    looking back, I realize he just stuck to his own kind, and in the old mindset that the packs were rivals.


    He had his close-knit circle and he didn''t like entertaining anyone new. He saw me as everyone else


    did, as one of the cast asides, and he made no attempt to interact with me. His defense of the people


    around the whole mountain tell me I had him all wrong.


    I reluctantly roll over onto my belly andy my cheek on the grass, enjoying the cool feeling on my


    previous overly warm skin. It''s a little stabby but a wee relief to climbings, sprinting, and


    jumping hurdles again. The rest of the pack are still off in the distance, carrying on, and I keep hearing


    Meadow issuingmanding directions to them as they tackle a huge wall they''re climbing. As wolves


    it would be easy, but today''s training was human only. Stamina building, apparently.


    "Just five more minutes." I moan softly, truly giving up on any form of movement as my body shuts


    downpletely, deting with a heavy, dramatic sigh. I yelp when his strong hands slide under me at


    speed, around the waist, him jumping over me and nting a foot either side of my hips as he lifts me


    up in one short sharp maneuver.


    My arms il, my legs curl and swing under him before he pulls me fully with him and drops me on my


    own feet. Clinging to his upper arms, making all sorts of desperate sounds and end up with the back of


    my head in the crook of his neck, my butt imbedded in his groin intimately. He doesn''t let me go straight


    away, just pulls me in tight with a sneaky hug, and lowers his own face so his mouthes level with


    my ear. As always, my body reacts even when I don''t want it to and I goosebumps all over, internal


    explosions and tingles going off inside my stomach so easily.


    "You should never turn your back on your mate…. Gives him all sorts of dirty ideas." That husky tone


    ignites all sorts of hot and fiery feelings in the depths of my pelvis and it seems to magically revive me.


    "Mate, huh? … I thought you dumped my ass and were sulking over the fact we would never be." I


    point out a little sassily, his arms sliding up around my ribs as he hugs me in against him fully. Taking


    advantage of the moment and initiating a different kind of contact.


    "It''s such a nice ass, that I realized my mistake and am groveling at your … rear." He chuckles in my


    ear, that telltale cheeky sound, and I know he''s only ying, but it strikes a chord in me that dampens


    the sexy mood, killing it dead. For a moment, that bitter pang of annoyed hits me in the stomach hard


    and I push away from him hastily, freeing his hold on me and step out of his embrace, elbowing him in


    the abs as I get away.


    "Don''t." It''s a moody bite to my tone, death of yful, as now stiff, and prickly, heart pained while he''s


    making light of this. I catch him out of the corner of my eye, sighing too, his whole fun demeanor


    changing as swiftly as mine.


    "Hey…. Don''t be like that." He reaches for me, but I step away again, picking up the discarded water


    bottle and turn on my heel to march to the main house. He said shower and food and I think we need


    some breathing space. Maybe I''m being too sensitive, but I can''t help the overwhelming urge to


    suddenly punch him in the throat, while sobbing my eyes out.


    "Lorey, baby?" He follows me, obviously getting the waves of wounded mood and sulkinessing his


    way. I know I chastised myselfst night, to be more patient and reel him in, but I''m so sick of this hot


    and cold thing he has going on. It''s up and down, touch, don''t touch. Mate, not mate, and it''s messing


    with my head. No wonder I''m having a hard time even sticking to my own n.


    I ignore himpletely, annoyed at myself for once again turning hostile when he was genuinely


    fooling around, but the fact I know we have two weeks before he marks that bitch as his, has me


    feeling all kinds of foul things. It doesn''t help that she spent thest few hours watching me,ughing at


    my attempts to keep up, and cartwheeling around me like some sort of gold medal gymnast, showing


    off, showing me how much better she is. She tried to make me look inadequate and kept interfering any


    time he got too close in showing me what to do.


    Hey, I didn''t mean to upset you. Talk to me.


    His voice invades my mind as I try and put distance between us, but it just irritates me all the more.


    Just make up your mind, okay…. Stop messing with my head and giving me mixed signals. It''s not fair.


    The obvious pain in my tone ebbs through and I flinch as he speeds up and catches me from behind,


    yanking me back by the upper arm and spinning me too him a tad aggressively. His little muscle in his


    jaw that twitches sometimes is working overtime and I stare nkly at his chest to avoid eye contact.


    "You told me we should take the time we have and do what the fates wanted us to do" he frowns at me,


    defensively, pulling me back a second time when I try to back off and gain distance, his voice edged


    with the same low irritation as mine. He has no right to be tetchy in this, and it''s not the way to handle


    my change of attitude.


    "Yeah, right before you stopped kissing me and walked away. You, again; hot and cold!" I point out,


    frustrated beyond belief and stupefied he doesn''t see how he''s being.


    "I''m not being hot and cold. I told you I love you and want to be with you! It''s just the shit keeping us


    apart that''s getting to me. I don''t want this to be harder, but at the same time I can''t not be with you. I''m


    drawn to touch you, be with you, constantly. That''s not mixed signaling." He really doesn''t see it the


    way I do, and I almost yell it in his face as the good old inner temper explodes at him.


    "YES, it fucking IS!!" I shove him away hard, aware some around us have stopped to look up,


    engrossed in the possible hint of drama going on over here, but I pull my head up and re at any I


    catch with eyes this way. Completelybative, and not like me at all. Surprisingly, any I challenge


    look away fast and Colton hauls me back for a third time, oblivious to his wrongdoing and feeding on


    my spreading anger.


    "Look…. I''m sorry…" It''s delivered through semi gritted teeth and I know it''s probably more from the


    fact I''m drawing unwanted attention and publicly challenging his authority, than being pissed at me, but


    it''s not the right way to handle me when I''m already overly tired from hours of physical ed, and


    sensitive, because I love him, and this whole thing is shitty as hell.


    "Aren''t you always?" I raise a brow, sarcasm oozing like moltenva from my lips. I p his hand off my


    arm, not caring if it stung, and make a fast dash to put distance between us before he reaches out


    again.


    Leave me alone! I shout it at him mentally and don''t let up, taking a sprint for the door and dashing


    forward as soon as ites into view. At least super speed has its advantages sometimes, and I


    almost collide with a group of young teensing out the main door and have to skid to a halt.


    Someonerge, and familiar, colliding into the back of me with equal speed, and emergency braking in


    such a way it almost sends me flying. Colton catches me around the waist as I topple headfirst from the


    impact and rights me just as fast, pulling me up so we weirdly end up back in the position that started


    this whole bickering argument. Me in his arms, as he''s wrapped around me from behind and his mouth


    at my ear. Only this time it doesn''t ignite a desire to snuggle in. Fuming and ready to w his eyes out,


    I turn in his arms to face him down.


    "You want me to ignore all this and just go with my heart? You want me to share your bed every night,


    act like everything is rosy, and perfect, and my father won''t do everything in his power to end this if I try


    to defy him? You don''t know what he''s capable of, Lorey. You don''t know the lengths he will go to stop


    someone he loves from doing something he deems wrong for our pack. I may be his son, but that


    means nothing." His biting tone, and sh of fierce in that normally cool expression snaps me to


    attention at the strained way the words rush out, his eyes softening from almost amber anger to that


    dark brown under lowered brows, blows a little wind out of my sails.


    "Like what?" Tears bite in sheer agitation, my emotions getting the better of me that here we are,


    arguing over this again, caught suddenly with the pain in his eyes, and he lowers his voice.


    "You never stop to wonder where my mother is? Our Luna… who should be here for her people, being


    the heart and glue that tends to our vulnerable, in all these years?" That low, raw question, which


    brings amber to his eye''s fully, winds me with the unexpectedness of it and I try to w at the memory


    banks for an answer in the moment. Remembering my own suspicions from before.


    Sometimes essing his memories is not that easy. There are so many, jumbled together, out of


    sequence, so sometimes it''s better to know what or who you''re looking for if trying to find an answer.


    There are confused snippets and nothing concrete that I can pull out in a second, other than she was


    unwell.


    "Well, where is she?" My fury dies a little, curiosity shining through and toning down this row. I can''t


    sustain that kind of mad when myme heart gets upset over him. Colton is a weakness, and he seems


    to know how to disarm my fury and cut right to the bone without trying. People seem bored we''ve


    stopped yelling and go about their day, bypassing us once more as he lets go of me and takes my hand


    instead. Tangling fingers intimately, his warm, strong, solid in my smaller, softer, looser, tightly.


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    "Maybe we need to have a talk somewhere private. I thought you would have seen all this in your head,


    but maybe not. I guess because I have so few memories to share of her. Come on."