"Goodmorning, dad!" I say, looking at my dad who is sitting on the couch slouched to the table with his eyes on his laptop. My dad doesnt respond which is to be expected becuase he doesn''t talk much. He is always working everyday for some weird laboratory things. Like, at the very least grunt at me? It''s kinda rude.. but I just have to brush it off


    I go to pick up my cereal from the cabinet which has been building up dust over the years. If only my mom was hear to clean this stuff up, it wouldnt be such a bio hazard around here.


    Get the milk in the fridge, then the bowl, and then make cereal! That''s kind of all i eat for breakfast everyday. Dad doesnt have the money to get groceries. It doesnt make sense to me like, isnt he a scientist? Dont scientist get alot of money.. man i dont know


    Click. I hear my dad close his laptop and see him get up to go to work


    "Dont mess up the house" he says


    Ironic because, the house is already messed up. Theres dust everywhere. The floor boards are broken. Some of the cabinets are as well. This place looks abandoned. But yeah. "I wont" I reply.


    He shuts the door with his flimsy arms, he looks like he hasnt eaten in days. Dont get me wrong, I love my dad. It''s just.. I dont know if he loves me..


    My house is huge. Like a mansion. He doesnt have the money to get groceries but has the money to have this place?? I dont know how that works. It gets pretty lonely around here becuase its so big. I wish we could afford a phone or atleast a flip phone so i can text my friends. Oh wait i dont have friends. Man this sucks. I wish I had siblings, but I''d be youngest. My mom died giving birth to me. Isnt that crazy like, great way to say I''m fat!


    I wonder what she was like. My dad talk about her sometimes. She sounded like an amazing person. I feel so guilty, I wish I wasn''t born


    Anyways! No time to be so sad right! Actually I have nothing to do all day.. uhh, i''ll just sleep on this rubbish couch with its visible springs, its night now anyways.


    "Goodnight, honey"


    Who was that. Sounds like a girl. Nevermind I''m too lazy too open my eyes. Kidnap me if you will i have nothing to lose anyway.


    I wake up in a fuzzy dream land with rabbits and rainbows. Dont ask why my dreams are so happy go lucky, it just is and I love it. I go to my cousin, chloe''s house. She''s a really nice kind child, younger than me but she''s mature for her age.


    We talk about life problems, like school and that stuff. Then I talk about my dad.


    "Your dad is like this becuase you killed mom"


    "I didnt want to kill her"


    "You killed her." Chloe said. And it hurt. So. Bad. She kept saying it, over, and over, and over, more distorted with each word. Until she stopped, suddenly. Then she pointed at a picture hanging on the wall. It''s mom''s grave.


    "That''s where you belong, useless child"


    No. No. No. No. I don''t like this dream. I want to wake up. It was meant to be happy. Mom said she wanted me to be happy..


    I wake up, my eyes filled with tears. I see a bright figure above me, watching me.


    "EW GET AWAY FROM ME CREEP!" I bolt up and try to push.. the air? Where did it go, are my eyes deceiving me? Weird. I still have the guilt inside my stomach, it wont dissappear. Tears roll down my cheeks, as i sit betrayed, and confused.


    What was that thing standing beside me?


    Was it even real?


    Why would chloe say that?


    All these questions swirled around my mind, and it''s ruining me. I hate it, so much. I hate it. If i were to choose between death and feeling this feeling i would kill me a million times over and that wouldnt even amount 0.1% of how much i hate this feeling. I want to run away from it, i dont care if it''s unhealthy. Why is everything so sad?


    I stand up, whiping my tears. I head to the stairs and i hear a voice behind me.


    "Follow me"


    From all the horror movies i have watched at chloes house, this is a big HELL NO. So im gonna act like i didnt hear it. I walk upstairs, and head to my room.


    "Theres nothing behind that door, --by"


    Did it js call me by my name or by baby? I ignore it. I want to go to bed and sleep all day, this is so draining. I open the door and go-


    Where


    Is


    My


    Room


    What the fuck?


    I step back, my breath trembling, and I feel nothing at the heel of my feet. I look behind me, the hallway is all that is left now. Is this real? It cant be.. no way. Its a void. Am I still dreaming. All I wanted to do was rest. The world is collapsing around me, the ground is shaking.


    "I said follow me, abby"


    And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, everything is back to normal. Except.. the crosses used to be tilted but now its.. right side up? Isnt it supposed to be the other way around with this stuff? Was it always like this? No, I know my house, I went through this exact hallway a million times.. am I tweaking?


    Never mind. I mean, upside down is danger then right side up must be safety! God is the best for real, all that praying paid off. Wait I never prayed. Man I just wanna sleep.


    I open the door to my room and then head to bed. Lay down on my blue sheets, trying to drown out all the noise with my ipod. I just want to sleep. I feel so tired. I shut my eyes


    "Honey i know your tired but you really need to follow me.."


    Its that voice again. I realised something, its that the voice never sounded demonic, it sounded angelic. It sounded trustworthy, was it the one that laid the crosses upright?


    "Open your eyes for me"


    I hesitate for a while, but then I open my eyes.. Im on my sofa.. again? I rub my eyes and touch my face and realise i have been crying. The whole sofa, it''s drenched in my tears.


    Dad opens the door and looks at me like in crazy with his empty eyes. "I told you not to mess up the house." He says.


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Yeah.. sorry." The sofa is already broken though like why does he care about it so much??


    Ignoring all the things that happened tonight, I go upstairs to go to my room, again, and as i walk through the hallway, again, I notice that the crosses are upside down this time.. but i''m too tired to actually care, just kill me man.


    I enter my room and go through my drawer, looking for mom''s VHS tape. It''s the only thing I have of her, other than her big portrait hanging in the living room. I shove the tape into my VHS player, and turn on the TV. I know that it''ll be the same thing, I just like listening to mom.


    "Heyyy, babyy. It''s mommy and daddy! And we just wanted to say that we will love you no matter what happens! Daddy, has been a bit down lately because the doctor said i probably wont make it, but what if a miracle happens, right!"


    Mom is so excited and enthusiastic, i love it. I wish a miracle did happen


    "And even if the miracle doesnt happen, you will still be alive so dont blame yourself okayy babyy. Mommy did this to herself! Becuase mommy loves you. You will be something amazing! Wait I didnt name you yet did I. Lets go to daddy, to help get a name for you!"


    Dad used to be so lively..


    "Hii, honey. What should we name our daughter?"


    "Uhh I dont knoww, she''s in your belly so why dont you name her"


    "Your stupid, this our baby! So WE name it! See your stupid lab is making u insaane"


    "Shutupp! Im fine honeyyy, see" dad says, as he forces a big smile.


    "Babyy, i know the doctor said i might not make it but look at the bright side! The doctor did say might so i might make it as well!"


    "Yeahh i hope so.. i dont like thinking about it"


    "Its okay, i understand!"


    "Abby sounds like a good name."


    "Yess!"


    I cant help but smile when i see mom and dad happy. It makes me happy.


    I hear the door open, it''s dad. He examines me, my face, and the TV in 5 seconds, and then closes the door. He does seem pretty bad at times, but he would never disturb me when I''m watching this, because he understands how hard it is. It''s nice to know he does becuase, atleast theres something behind those empty eyes.


    I pause it, and take out the tape to put it back in my drawer. Then I open the door and my dad is standing, waiting right beside it. "Did you need something?" I asked.


    "No, I was just checking if u were asleep. It''s past your bed time"


    "Oh yeah, I didnt realise. I''ll go to sleep"


    I close the door and head to bed. For a second I wonder if he was standing by the door to listen to mom. I''m too scared to ask and maybe he feels too guilty to admit it. I dont know. Today was so rough. Tomorrow will be another day


    That was some good sleep! Man the sun is shining bright today, my curtain cant even provide me shade from this light. Maybe it''s cause it has holes and stuff.. ughh. I wish I had better things.


    There''s no point in feeling so sad and lonely. I get out of bed and stretch my body till I''m awake. My room is pretty big, I have a queen sized bed for some reason, and it''s in the middle of the room. There''s 2 drawers besides my bed, both gray because of the dust they have collected. The door is on the other side of the room, across my bed. Theres one window on the left of my bed, which also collected dust.


    I walk up to my window and open up the curtains. I call myself more of a night person, but I really love the feeling of the sun touching my skin at the morning. It just feels peaceful. This mansion is located in the middle of the forest, so I can hear bird''s chirping and other nature sounds. I mean.. it isn''t all bad living here I guess. Sometimes the forest is the only thing alive.. even I''m more dead.


    Last week I told chloe I would go to her house today but.. considering what happened in my dream... I know I''ll sound stupid! Just.. what if it comes true? I dont know. I''m probably just being dramatic, forget it. I can''t let her down over some stupid dream.


    As I start thinking about these things, I hear the car start from outside. Oh my god, is he gonna leave without me. Did he forget?? I rush down the house, and tap the car window. My unresponsive dad takes like a full 10 seconds to look at me and roll down the window. "What?" He says, looking all confused. "I''m supposed to go to chloe''s house, remember?"


    "You were? Oh wait yeah.. i forgot. Get in, I''m already late." Maybe you wouldn''t be if you weren''t so forgetful..


    Noo, i shouldn''t thinking that. He''s going through a more rough time than me. I mean, i did lose my mom but.. he lost the love of his life.


    I get in the car


    But still like, Isn''t it kind of unfair? No maybe im selfish


    I shut the car''s door and we drive of to- "where are we going to again?"


    "Chloes house, dad.."


    These awkward car drives are the only times I would be close to my dad, yet he feels so far away. It''s like he''s a mountain, only most visible from a distance. Only most dangerous up close. Unmoving, no vulnerable spots. He''s hard to talk to like rocks. I''ve tried starting conversations with him before, but it would usually end in a lecture so I have also grown distant too I guess


    His eyes are so dead.. I feel so guilty when I look at him. It was my fault mom died, even he said it. If only she aborted me, I wouldnt be such a nuisance. I''m hopeless, I don''t deserve to feel this way.. or feel feelings in general. I deserve all the time my dad hit me.


    "Why are you crying? I''m bringing you to chloe''s house, be patient will you?"


    What? Oh. I''m crying.


    I didn''t even realise.


    "Look kid, we can''t be sad forever. Look at the bright side. Uhh, the sun didn''t explode or anything yet." Dad says, attempting to mimic mom''s enthusiasm. How did he even notice i was crying. His eyes were somewhere else this entire time.


    "I know that this is different from what i''m usually like but.. I''m not a monster, Okay? I still see you. If I were you I''d probably punch me out of frustration.." Woah. That''s completely different.


    "I don''t actually know what im doing anymore. I can''t.." He pauses


    "Oh no, did i say something wrong?" I realise I accidentally stared at him a bit too long


    "No, uh, thanks by the way. I love you."


    "Yeah." He says.


    I dont know what to say about this. That felt a bit too real. Wait am I still dreaming? I hope not..


    The only thing that moves when dad talks to me are his lips. He looks like he''s decomposing, his skin is so pale. And he is so skinny. His eyes are hollow, if he was asleep I''d actually think he died. I wouldn''t want that to happen. He''s the only person that takes care of me in.. whatever way he does.


    "We''re here." Dad says. I look outside and wonder whether I''m lost or he is.


    "This is my school dad.." I mumble. Unsure why I''m bothered to explain.


    "Yeah, aren''t we going to school?" Why is he so confused all the time.


    "No, i graduated highschool months ago. We''re going to chloe''s house"


    "Oh. Yeah."


    After a painfully long car drive, we arrive at.. my elementary school. Does this dude have amnesia?? "This is my elementary school, dad.." I say, wondering why I didn''t even consider walking


    "Dont use that tone with me." He says, mad for god knows what. Why does he always do this. "Sorry."


    There''s no point in arguing.


    We drive off once again. And arrive at... "Dad, this is my house.."


    "I know. Get out" Huh!? What did I do??


    "What?" I reply, rightfully confused. He gets out the car, opens the passenger seat door, and grips tight around my left arm and drags me out.


    "Dad?! What did I do?!" I cry out.. no response.


    "Let go!" Oh my god..


    He shoves me into the living room, and pushes me on to the floor. "Oh my god dad, I promised chloe-"


    "Don''t. Start." He says, his cold body facing away from me.


    "Dad! Let me go to her ho-"


    "Shut the fuck up. You deserve hell. I can''t even look at you." He says as he walks out the door...


    "Yeah.. I can''t look at me too."


    He stops in his place, and turns around to look at me with his cold, heartless eyes. "You were the reason she died." He says, with a serious tone in his often shaky voice. "You are the reason I''m alive. you should have died with her." He continues.. not this again.. "If you were dead I could kill myself whenever want, but you aren''t, and I hope you die." I hope I die too.


    "I''m 2 hours late now." He says as he walks away, leaving me looking at the floor as I sit with tears in my eyes. "I shouldn''t have asked him to drive me.." I whisper to myself, disappointed. The main door shut as loud as the other times he was mad at me. If he wants me to die so badly why can''t he just kill me, he is heartless anyway.


    The silence I hear is loud. It always was, why am I so lonely. What''s the point of living if all I do is survive. It''s so unfair.


    I bring my knees up to my head, and bury my head in my arms, as I cry and cry and cry. I can''t stop crying. I''m such a big cry baby.


    Snap.


    What? I''m on my couch again. This time there''s more tears and the couch is more drenched than last time. Was that a dream? It felt so real though.. Was I dreaming? Am I crazy?


    "Come take me!" I scream out. "I know I''m not crazy! That was real!" Or was it? "I know it''s you!" I call out like a madman, desperate for the voice from last time would come. "Just give me a sign I''m not crazy!.. please.." I cry out, feeling hopeless. No response. My face turns bitter as I become more and more frustrated.


    Why is everything repeating? I feel like I''m slipping from reality. It''s like I''m falling in an endless void, but I''m on this couch. If I''m correct, dad would come through that door any moment now, and say "I told you not to mess up the house" or something like that.


    I wait.. and wait.. in a few minutes, he will come. And say exactly what he said last time. Minutes pass. Then hours pass.. and nothing. Is he late?


    I go outside and see that his car is parked outside the house. The night is still. A bit too still, so I head back becuase it''s scary to go out alone at night. Where is he? I start worrying. My stomach twists and turns and I feel like vomiting.


    Did something happen to him?


    Did he die?


    Did he commit- no. No? I hope not.