“You’ve got to be fucking joking,” I said, staring at Vivian’s door.


    “Do you want to know where you can get a lighter here or not?” Seph asked.


    “I wasn’t sure if we could do the old fashioned:” I mimed rubbing two sticks together with my hands.


    “Because that’s slow and impractical,” Seph said. “Vivian has plenty of little trinkets in her bag - I’m sure she’ll lend us one little lighter.”


    “Have you met Vivian?” I asked. “She is the queen of the entitled bitchdom.”


    Seph sighed. “Give her a chance. I promise she’ll be fine with it.”


    “And if she’s not?” I asked. “What if she demands something in return?”


    “I suppose we just meet her demands,” Seph said, knocking.


    The seconds after the last knock dragged on, as if we spent a whole hour standing in front of that door, waiting.


    Vivian opened the door just a crack, peeking through and grumling: “What do you want?”


    “We were wondering…” Seph trailed off, glancing at me.


    I sighed. “We want to borrow a lighter,” I said in a monotone.


    “Why?” She asked.


    I looked at Seph, before turning back and shrugging. “No reason.”


    Vivian paused, as if considering pressing us a little more. She then sighed, and slammed the door.


    “Welp, that’s that,” I said.


    “No, she’s just grabbing the lighter. She doesn’t like people seeing the inside of her room.”


    My brain instantly brought the memory of me sneaking around inside her chambers to the top of my memory. I said nothing in response.


    Sure enough, Vivian opened the door and handed us a green lighter. “Return it in pristine condition,” she said. “Or I will slit both of your throats.”


    She closed the door again. Seph turned to me and smiled. “A real charmer she is.”


    I shrugged, and carried the lighter over into my room, setting it down on the table. Seph settled in next to me.


    “Well,” I picked up the lighter. “I guess I’ll just do it then.”


    “Mh-hm,” Seph said, nodding.


    I flicked the lighter on, summoning a small flame. With the other hand, I grabbed a CIA-style bullet. Pinching either side and directing the logo towards the flame, I brought the metal to it. Nothing happened at first. After a little bit, I felt the metal begin to grow hot on my fingers. I lowered my body downwards into a half-crouch, trying to keep my hands level.


    My gaze checked the melting progress. The metal was becoming a little more liquid-ish, and the logo was beginning to fade. But, it wasn’t good enough. I felt bits of pain on my fingers as the metal heated more. I gritted my teeth, pressing down as hard as possible to create a second source of discomfort that distracted me from the first. With a grimace, I jabbed the flame further into the metal.


    “Son of a bitch!” I exclaimed, dropping the bullet when hit with the overwhelming heat. My gaze found its way to my hands - which were reddened from the heat. “Fucking burned myself…”


    Seph grasped my palm, and he shook his head. “Not a burn yet, but be careful next time,” he scolded.


    I looked into his eyes, and his gaze softened. After a moment, I broke eye contact, and reached down to collect the dropped ammunition. I poked it first, and was glad to feel that the metal was much cooler. I hesitated for just a second, before wrapping two fingers around some of the cooler spots and raising it up to examine my work.


    The ‘CIA’ written on the bullet was nearly unreadable, and the carving could have said anything. It was bent out of shape slightly, but that would have to do. I grabbed my gun and loaded it in. Thankfully, it was still good enough. I looked back at Seph, smiling. “Well, there’s one,” I said.


    He shrugged. “I suppose it worked.”


    “You ‘suppose’?” I teased, swinging the gun around.


    “Shit, Cade - be careful with that,” he shrunk away from the weapon.


    My mood dampened, seeing him like that. I sighed, setting the gun on the table and removing the bullets. “Yeah, I suppose playing around with weapons is not the best idea.”


    Seph rolled his eyes. “‘Not the best idea’ indeed.”


    After a moment’s pause, he picked up the lighter. “I’ll do the next one.”


    I nearly sighed with relief. “Thank you,” I breathed, sitting down on the bed. I was hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion, and had to fight the urge to just fall asleep right then and there. Instead, I just let my body fall down onto the mattress, but didn’t dare close my eyes.


    I heard the click of the lighter, and the sound of Seph’s heavy breathing. Normally, the sound would be unwelcome and annoying. But here, it was comforting; one constant in a world of chaos and unpredictability. My gaze stared straight up at the ceiling, trying so very hard not to let my thoughts wander.


    But, they did.


    Like a sudden weight placed upon me, I felt the air escape from my chest. I got plagued with true, bitter hopelessness. It struck in waves, pounding in my chest. Blood began to roar in my ears, as I tried not to react or dare show a sign of what went on within me.


    Like clockwork, the cycle had repeated. I went on with my day, trying to keep whatever bits and pieces of me that were left together. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes I could avoid everything and focus only on the task at hand. I could push myself harder and harder, work more and more - but still feel nothing. Downtime stacked on me just as much a looming task would to a normal person. For me, it was just another opportunity for my mind to revel in its own suffering.


    It could be worse, I tried to remind myself, as everyone had always done.


    I know.


    That part of me spoke again, the one that before now had only spoken for pain and violence. But now…


    I don’t need to be like this.


    It spoke again. Or, I spoke again… I couldn’t tell anymore.


    I can’t stop it.


    I can.


    What the fuck is wrong with me?


    There’s nothing wrong with you.


    You’re not supposed to hear someone in your fucking head.


    I waited for a reply, but none came. Almost as if it was in the distance, I heard Seph talking. I could not make out what he was saying; the words sounded almost… muffled.


    I sat up, forcing the world around me into clarity. I was suddenly aware of a pounding pain in my head, which I tried and failed to ignore. Seph was smiling, holding up a bullet clear of the CIA’s logo.


    “Good job,” I said, my voice hollow.


    Seph’s brow tightened in concern. “Are you okay?” he asked.


    A spike of painfully bubbly anxiety erupted in my system. He’ll think I’m crazy… I am crazy.


    I blinked a few times. “Yeah,” I forced out, trying to make my voice sound less pained than I felt.


    “You want me to do a few more?” he glanced down at the pile of bullets. “I think I’ve found a pretty good method.”


    I nodded, first slowly, then faster. “Yes, yes… I would love that.”


    Seph offered me a half-smile before returning to his work. There was a moment of silence before I decided to speak.


    “Seph?” I asked.


    “Yeah?” he responded, not looking up.


    “They’re going to find me,” I said.


    Seph froze, the fire still melting the bullet. “What makes you say that?” he asked stiffly.


    “Not now, but they will figure it out eventually,” I sighed. “I mean, they’re the fucking CIA.”


    “Sure, but you’re fucking Cade. You’re uncatchable,” Seph reminded me, back to focusing on what he was doing.


    “They caught me once,” I said.


    “They’ll never find out,” Seph said darkly. He sounded so sure of it that I almost wanted to believe him.


    “What makes you say that?” I asked, staring off into the distance with unfocused eyes.


    “If anyone ever discovers it…” Seph trailed off, his lips twisting into a sadistic expression. “We’ll make sure they don’t make it halfway to Whiteford’s office.” He dropped the now completed bullet, picking up another and starting on it.


    “It would look suspicious… another agent dead.”


    Seph looked up at me. “A true killer never strikes only once,” he said. “Make it look like a crazy Russian bastard who infiltrated our ranks.”


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    “It won’t be hard, I guess,” I added. “They assumed that much already.”


    Seph nodded, finishing up another bullet. He turned to me. “You want to do the next one?”


    “Sure,” I said, shrugging.


    We flipped places, me now positioned in front of the desk and Seph sitting upon my springy mattress.


    I grabbed the lighter and a bullet, hesitating before setting fire to the metal. I turned to Seph. “What’s your ‘pretty good method’?” I asked.


    “Hold the bullet steady, two fingers at each tip, and let the fire only graze the metal, not penetrate it.” Seph explained.


    It sounded pretty reasonable. “Thanks,” I said, positioning my fingers and the lighter like he said and activating the flame.


    Instantly, I felt the difference. Instead of the heat licking my fingers through the metal, I only felt a faint warmth from how close they were to the fire. I checked on the logo, seeing that, although it didn’t melt as fast, it was still working.


    “There we go,” I said.


    At the edge of my vision, I swore I saw Seph’s lips tilt upward into a smile. “It’s almost like being back in the days of being a criminal,” he remarked wistfully.


    “Except nowadays we have actual peace and quiet,” I said.


    There was a pause. “Peace and quiet isn’t always a good thing,” Seph muttered.


    I looked up, staring directly at him. “What?” I asked, half shocked, half relieved that he felt the same way as me.


    “I’m just saying that being left alone to your thoughts isn’t great if your thoughts are awful company.”


    I had no clue of how to respond to that. I could say ‘same’, could say that ‘peace and quiet are good’… but none of those sounded right. And, the second option would just be an outright lie. So, I just managed a “Hm,” and went back to my work.


    After a bit more silence, I checked the bottom of the bullet. The ‘CIA’ logo was fully removed. I picked up another bullet and continued.


    At some point, Seph pulled out his phone and began looking at something on it. I didn’t really mind, as the quietness helped me focus on my work. I forced myself to only think of checking in, making sure there was some variety in my task so that my limbs could not go on autopilot and leave my mind to wander.


    Before I realized it, I was finishing up work on the final bullet. I set it down, the logo cleanly removed, and sighed. “It’s done,” I said.


    Seph looked up from his device. His mind seemed to take a moment to process before he spoke. “That’s great,” he began. “You want to bring it back to Vivian now?” he asked.


    “I suppose that would be the next thing to do,” I said simply, standing.


    Seph tucked his phone in his pocket, and stood to follow me. We made our way towards Vivian’s door once more, and I knocked thrice before stepping back.


    Vivian opened the door and peeked out. “You’re finished?” she asked.


    “Yep,” I said, handing over the lighter.


    Vivian took it in her hands, turning it over and inspecting the state the lighter was in. “Good enough,” she decided.


    At the words, Seph scoffed.


    Vivian gave him a pointed glance, to which he rolled his eyes. I looked between the two of them, unsure if I had just witnessed some sort of psychic communication.


    Vivian turned to me next. “Next time you want to go on a murder spree, cover up your face better. Three more have dropped dead because you were careless,” she said.


    Without missing a beat, she whirled around and slammed the door on us.


    “You’ve got to be fucking joking,” I said, staring at Vivian’s door.


    “Do you want to know where you can get a lighter here or not?” Seph asked.


    “I wasn’t sure if we could do the old fashioned:” I mimed rubbing two sticks together with my hands.


    “Because that’s slow and impractical,” Seph said. “Vivian has plenty of little trinkets in her bag - I’m sure she’ll lend us one little lighter.”


    “Have you met Vivian?” I asked. “She is the queen of the entitled bitchdom.”


    Seph sighed. “Give her a chance. I promise she’ll be fine with it.”


    “And if she’s not?” I asked. “What if she demands something in return?”


    “I suppose we just meet her demands,” Seph said, knocking.


    The seconds after the last knock dragged on, as if we spent a whole hour standing in front of that door, waiting.


    Vivian opened the door just a crack, peeking through and grumling: “What do you want?”


    “We were wondering…” Seph trailed off, glancing at me.


    I sighed. “We want to borrow a lighter,” I said in a monotone.


    “Why?” She asked.


    I looked at Seph, before turning back and shrugging. “No reason.”


    Vivian paused, as if considering pressing us a little more. She then sighed, and slammed the door.


    “Welp, that’s that,” I said.


    “No, she’s just grabbing the lighter. She doesn’t like people seeing the inside of her room.”


    My brain instantly brought the memory of me sneaking around inside her chambers to the top of my memory. I said nothing in response.


    Sure enough, Vivian opened the door and handed us a green lighter. “Return it in pristine condition,” she said. “Or I will slit both of your throats.”


    She closed the door again. Seph turned to me and smiled. “A real charmer she is.”


    I shrugged, and carried the lighter over into my room, setting it down on the table. Seph settled in next to me.


    “Well,” I picked up the lighter. “I guess I’ll just do it then.”


    “Mh-hm,” Seph said, nodding.


    I flicked the lighter on, summoning a small flame. With the other hand, I grabbed a CIA-style bullet. Pinching either side and directing the logo towards the flame, I brought the metal to it. Nothing happened at first. After a little bit, I felt the metal begin to grow hot on my fingers. I lowered my body downwards into a half-crouch, trying to keep my hands level.


    My gaze checked the melting progress. The metal was becoming a little more liquid-ish, and the logo was beginning to fade. But, it wasn’t good enough. I felt bits of pain on my fingers as the metal heated more. I gritted my teeth, pressing down as hard as possible to create a second source of discomfort that distracted me from the first. With a grimace, I jabbed the flame further into the metal.


    “Son of a bitch!” I exclaimed, dropping the bullet when hit with the overwhelming heat. My gaze found its way to my hands - which were reddened from the heat. “Fucking burned myself…”


    Seph grasped my palm, and he shook his head. “Not a burn yet, but be careful next time,” he scolded.


    I looked into his eyes, and his gaze softened. After a moment, I broke eye contact, and reached down to collect the dropped ammunition. I poked it first, and was glad to feel that the metal was much cooler. I hesitated for just a second, before wrapping two fingers around some of the cooler spots and raising it up to examine my work.


    The ‘CIA’ written on the bullet was nearly unreadable, and the carving could have said anything. It was bent out of shape slightly, but that would have to do. I grabbed my gun and loaded it in. Thankfully, it was still good enough. I looked back at Seph, smiling. “Well, there’s one,” I said.


    He shrugged. “I suppose it worked.”


    “You ‘suppose’?” I teased, swinging the gun around.


    “Shit, Cade - be careful with that,” he shrunk away from the weapon.


    My mood dampened, seeing him like that. I sighed, setting the gun on the table and removing the bullets. “Yeah, I suppose playing around with weapons is not the best idea.”


    Seph rolled his eyes. “‘Not the best idea’ indeed.”


    After a moment’s pause, he picked up the lighter. “I’ll do the next one.”


    I nearly sighed with relief. “Thank you,” I breathed, sitting down on the bed. I was hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion, and had to fight the urge to just fall asleep right then and there. Instead, I just let my body fall down onto the mattress, but didn’t dare close my eyes.


    I heard the click of the lighter, and the sound of Seph’s heavy breathing. Normally, the sound would be unwelcome and annoying. But here, it was comforting; one constant in a world of chaos and unpredictability. My gaze stared straight up at the ceiling, trying so very hard not to let my thoughts wander.


    But, they did.


    Like a sudden weight placed upon me, I felt the air escape from my chest. I got plagued with true, bitter hopelessness. It struck in waves, pounding in my chest. Blood began to roar in my ears, as I tried not to react or dare show a sign of what went on within me.


    Like clockwork, the cycle had repeated. I went on with my day, trying to keep whatever bits and pieces of me that were left together. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes I could avoid everything and focus only on the task at hand. I could push myself harder and harder, work more and more - but still feel nothing. Downtime stacked on me just as much a looming task would to a normal person. For me, it was just another opportunity for my mind to revel in its own suffering.


    It could be worse, I tried to remind myself, as everyone had always done.


    I know.


    That part of me spoke again, the one that before now had only spoken for pain and violence. But now…


    I don’t need to be like this.


    It spoke again. Or, I spoke again… I couldn’t tell anymore.


    I can’t stop it.


    I can.


    What the fuck is wrong with me?


    There’s nothing wrong with you.


    You’re not supposed to hear someone in your fucking head.


    I waited for a reply, but none came. Almost as if it was in the distance, I heard Seph talking. I could not make out what he was saying; the words sounded almost… muffled.


    I sat up, forcing the world around me into clarity. I was suddenly aware of a pounding pain in my head, which I tried and failed to ignore. Seph was smiling, holding up a bullet clear of the CIA’s logo.


    “Good job,” I said, my voice hollow.


    Seph’s brow tightened in concern. “Are you okay?” he asked.


    A spike of painfully bubbly anxiety erupted in my system. He’ll think I’m crazy… I am crazy.


    I blinked a few times. “Yeah,” I forced out, trying to make my voice sound less pained than I felt.


    “You want me to do a few more?” he glanced down at the pile of bullets. “I think I’ve found a pretty good method.”


    I nodded, first slowly, then faster. “Yes, yes… I would love that.”


    Seph offered me a half-smile before returning to his work. There was a moment of silence before I decided to speak.


    “Seph?” I asked.


    “Yeah?” he responded, not looking up.


    “They’re going to find me,” I said.


    Seph froze, the fire still melting the bullet. “What makes you say that?” he asked stiffly.


    “Not now, but they will figure it out eventually,” I sighed. “I mean, they’re the fucking CIA.”


    “Sure, but you’re fucking Cade. You’re uncatchable,” Seph reminded me, back to focusing on what he was doing.


    “They caught me once,” I said.


    “They’ll never find out,” Seph said darkly. He sounded so sure of it that I almost wanted to believe him.


    “What makes you say that?” I asked, staring off into the distance with unfocused eyes.


    “If anyone ever discovers it…” Seph trailed off, his lips twisting into a sadistic expression. “We’ll make sure they don’t make it halfway to Whiteford’s office.” He dropped the now completed bullet, picking up another and starting on it.


    “It would look suspicious… another agent dead.”


    Seph looked up at me. “A true killer never strikes only once,” he said. “Make it look like a crazy Russian bastard who infiltrated our ranks.”


    “It won’t be hard, I guess,” I added. “They assumed that much already.”


    Seph nodded, finishing up another bullet. He turned to me. “You want to do the next one?”


    “Sure,” I said, shrugging.


    We flipped places, me now positioned in front of the desk and Seph sitting upon my springy mattress.


    I grabbed the lighter and a bullet, hesitating before setting fire to the metal. I turned to Seph. “What’s your ‘pretty good method’?” I asked.


    “Hold the bullet steady, two fingers at each tip, and let the fire only graze the metal, not penetrate it.” Seph explained.


    It sounded pretty reasonable. “Thanks,” I said, positioning my fingers and the lighter like he said and activating the flame.


    Instantly, I felt the difference. Instead of the heat licking my fingers through the metal, I only felt a faint warmth from how close they were to the fire. I checked on the logo, seeing that, although it didn’t melt as fast, it was still working.


    “There we go,” I said.


    At the edge of my vision, I swore I saw Seph’s lips tilt upward into a smile. “It’s almost like being back in the days of being a criminal,” he remarked wistfully.


    “Except nowadays we have actual peace and quiet,” I said.


    There was a pause. “Peace and quiet isn’t always a good thing,” Seph muttered.


    I looked up, staring directly at him. “What?” I asked, half shocked, half relieved that he felt the same way as me.


    “I’m just saying that being left alone to your thoughts isn’t great if your thoughts are awful company.”


    I had no clue of how to respond to that. I could say ‘same’, could say that ‘peace and quiet are good’… but none of those sounded right. And, the second option would just be an outright lie. So, I just managed a “Hm,” and went back to my work.


    After a bit more silence, I checked the bottom of the bullet. The ‘CIA’ logo was fully removed. I picked up another bullet and continued.


    At some point, Seph pulled out his phone and began looking at something on it. I didn’t really mind, as the quietness helped me focus on my work. I forced myself to only think of checking in, making sure there was some variety in my task so that my limbs could not go on autopilot and leave my mind to wander.


    Before I realized it, I was finishing up work on the final bullet. I set it down, the logo cleanly removed, and sighed. “It’s done,” I said.


    Seph looked up from his device. His mind seemed to take a moment to process before he spoke. “That’s great,” he began. “You want to bring it back to Vivian now?” he asked.


    “I suppose that would be the next thing to do,” I said simply, standing.


    Seph tucked his phone in his pocket, and stood to follow me. We made our way towards Vivian’s door once more, and I knocked thrice before stepping back.


    Vivian opened the door and peeked out. “You’re finished?” she asked.


    “Yep,” I said, handing over the lighter.


    Vivian took it in her hands, turning it over and inspecting the state the lighter was in. “Good enough,” she decided.


    At the words, Seph scoffed.


    Vivian gave him a pointed glance, to which he rolled his eyes. I looked between the two of them, unsure if I had just witnessed some sort of psychic communication.


    Vivian turned to me next. “Next time you want to go on a murder spree, cover up your face better. Three more have dropped dead because you were careless,” she said.


    Without missing a beat, she whirled around and slammed the door on us.