--- [Isaac’s perspective]
My hair is gone.
I can only breathe through my mouth.
I can’t see through my left eye, or hear from my left ear.
I can’t feel or move my left arm and leg.
My sense of smell is gone.
But worse than all of that, the only thing I feel is the aching from all the bruises I got during the fight.
I can’t feel the grass I stand on, the breeze blowing against my skin, or even an annoying itch on a spot I can’t reach.
Just pain…
That’s not even accounting for the half-dozen other permanent sacrifices I made…
And what for?!
I don’t even know who I was fighting, or why…
Did I sacrifice those memories, or were it part of his abilities somehow?
Either way, my life will never be the same again.
I’m permanently disabled both mentally and physically; I hope it was worth it, because it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it…
Alex runs up to me and gives me a hug.
“You did it! You really did it!” – Alex
“Yeah…” – Isaac
He’s so excited for me, but why?
What’s there to be excited for?
I took the life of some random man I don’t even remember, and all it took was my physical and mental well-being?!
Fuck that!
“Now you can finally go back to being a regular hunter and save lives! Just like you always dreamed of!” – Alex
“…” – Isaac
I don’t even remember ever wanting that…
Who even am I…?
I feel like my life itself is all scrambled.
What was my childhood like?
Who are my friends?
What do I desire?
I don’t know…
I can only recall bits and pieces of my life; none of it makes any sense.
I feel so…
Lost…
I want to go back, back to whoever I was before.
No matter how terrible it may have been, it can’t have been worse than this…
I try to take a step forward, but with only one functioning leg, it’s almost impossible, so I slip and fall on the wet grass.
“Are you okay?!” – Alex
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“Alex…” – Isaac
“Yeah?” – Alex
“Please, can you just help me get home…” – Isaac
He looks over at Leanne and waves her over.
“Of course.” – Alex
He sees that I can’t move my leg, and so he wraps his arm around me and helps me get up.
Leanne waves her hand and a wagon of stone appears.
He helps me get onto it, then grabs it.
“Lux, yeah? I haven’t been there before, so you’ll need to guide me there.” – Alex
“Sure…” – Isaac
Do I even remember the way there…?
I…
I think I do, but…
“Move.” – Leanne
“Hm?” – Alex
“I know the way, and I’m much faster than you. I’ll take him home.” – Leanne
--- Back in Lux, right outside my parents’ house
She helps me out of the wagon, then creates a stone cane out of thin air.
“Take this.” – Leanne
She tries to hand it to me, but my left arm is paralyzed as well, and there’s no point in using it with my right.
“My left arm, it’s…” – Isaac
“I see. What about this then…!” – Leanne
She raises her hand, and a stone wheelchair comes out of the ground.
“That’s better!” – Leanne
She helps me get into it, then the wagon and the cane suddenly disappear.
“Now listen, when I next go to sleep, that wheelchair will disappear, so you’ll have to find a real one sooner rather than later. Okay?” – Leanne
“Sure…” – Isaac
“Alright! You may not have known Alex for long, but he cares about you a lot. Make sure to visit him every now and then, okay?” – Leanne
“Okay…” – Isaac
“Good. I’ll be off then!” – Leanne
Before I even get to say goodbye, she’s already gone.
I remember Alex’s name because we were in an exam together, and we fought at the battle festival, but that’s about it…
She’s acting like we’ve bonded over some shared trauma or whatever, but that never happened.
Or did I just forget that too…?
I roll up to my parents’ house.
Or at least I think, this is where my parents live…
I have some vague memories of living in some of the nearby houses as well…
I guess I’ll knock in case it’s the wrong house.
“Coming!” – ???
I hear a woman’s voice, but I’m not sure I recognize it or not…
She opens the door and…!
It’s my mother!
I remember her…
“Oh my god! What happened?!” – Mother
Right…
I probably wasn’t in a wheelchair last time we spoke…
I hear a voice from inside the house.
“Who there, honey?” – Father
“It’s Isaac! But he’s…” – Mother
He rushes to the door as soon as he hears my name.
“Son, what happened?! Are you okay?” – Father
“I’m fine…” – Isaac
“Come on in, we were just about to eat dinner.” – Mother
--- Half an hour later, just after dinner
I’m hungry…
We had soup, but I had to spit out all the solid bits.
When I tried chewing, I physically just could not make myself do it…
That must be another thing I permanently sacrificed…
I’m sure her cooking is great, but with my sense of smell gone too, it tasted bland…
“You said you’d explain after dinner, so please, tell us what happened.” – Mother
“Honestly, there isn’t much to tell. I fought some guy, I don’t even know who he is, and I ended up giving up everything to defeat him. My quality of life will never be what it once was, and I’ll never truly know why I did it.” – Isaac
“Why not?” – Mother
“Because I—or at least I think it was me who did it—permanently sacrificed large swaths of my memories. Whoever I was before is dead. I don’t remember who I fought, I don’t remember why I was so desperate to win, I don’t remember anything… I barely even remember you two…” – Isaac
“Oh, Isaac… Dear…” – Isaac
“Could it have been…?” – Father
He looks at mom.
“Oh…” – Mother
What are they talking about?
Do they know something?
“What?” – Isaac
“Do you remember Gael and Iris?” – Father
Gael and Iris?
I…
I don’t think so; it doesn’t ring a bell.
“No.” – Isaac
As soon as she hears that, my mother lets out a whimper and tears immediately stream down her face.
Were they important to me somehow?
Is that why she’s crying?
“Since birth, you three were always close. You were best friends, and seemingly nothing could separate you. One day, Gael left on a journey all by himself, and he was gone for so long we all thought he was dead. When he eventually came back, he had changed… He murdered poor Iris in her sleep, and since then, you promised to get revenge on him no matter what it took.” – Father
“His betrayal made a wound so deep in your heart that you were willing to do anything make things right, even if it cost you your own life. Of course, we never approved; the last thing we’d want was for you to get hurt as well. But it’s not like we could ever stop you… The person you fought was probably him, and if you really did kill him, like you said you did, then you won. You accomplished your goal…” – Mother
So I did it for this Iris girl?
I fucked myself over for life for a dead woman?
I’m so fucking stupid.
If she really cared for me, I doubt she’d want me to go through with it if this is what it would take.
If this is what I’d end up like…
And for God’s sake, I can’t even remember her!
All the memories we made together are gone.
It’s like she never even existed.
How the hell is that honoring her?
How the hell is that ‘making things right’?!
I’m so fucking stupid!
I could have lived my life to the fullest and honored her by remembering her, by telling others funny stories about her, or by writing about her so that she wouldn’t be forgotten when I one day die.
But no…
Instead, I erased her and ruined my life…
I’m so fucking stupid…