--- [Gael’s perspective]
After joining The END and becoming a Raguelite, I started taking my training more seriously than ever before.
They have huge facilities with all equipment you could ever need.
There are dozens of experienced hunters who specialize in teaching.
Each group is huge; with so many people all training for the exact same purpose, it’s very easy to stay motivated.
Additionally, there are countless sparring partners.
Be it someone who specializes in speed or strength, someone who is skilled or unskilled, someone who aggressive or defensive, big or small, smart or simple…
Any kind of sparring partner imaginable is there for you to train with.
But that’s not all…
They also have specialty finders…
However, I didn’t have access to them at first.
Although I was competent at BDM, I was only roughly as strong as a lower end F-rank hunter.
Trying to teach someone like that BDM would just be a waste of time in most cases.
So instead, they made me train my BDM skills for the first few years I was there.
The training was more intense than anything I’d ever done back home, but it was worth it.
I was progressing at a much quicker pace than before, and within a year or two, I was already strong enough to be an E-rank hunter.
But I didn’t stop there…
Since the momentum of my progress was still going strong, I continued my BDM training.
After another year or two, I had gotten to the point where I could probably beat most D-rank hunters in a fight, and I hadn’t even learned SDM yet.
I thought things would stay like this, but it was around that time when my progress suddenly halted…
Before, I could noticeably feel myself getting stronger from week to week.
But now, I would sometimes even feel as if I had regressed from month to month.
I hit my ‘wall’.
This was about as good at BDM as I’d ever get.
Over long periods of time, I could probably make marginal improvements, but nothing substantial.
I hit my peak.
Usually, you don’t reach your limit as quickly as I did; for most people it happens slowly over time.
But my progress was going unnaturally fast due to The END’s intense training regimen, so I also hit my limit equally as fast.
It was finally time to learn SDM.
At that point, I was more than skilled enough to learn it.
I had already been recommended to learn it long ago, so when I finally asked to see a specialty finder, they arranged the meeting on the same day.
When I got there, he created some sort of mist.
After we both breathed it in, we became temporarily connected to each other.
He could see into my soul, and I could see into his.
All his deepest thoughts, all his most authentic feelings, all his biggest insecurities, and all his dreams and desires, were on full display.
I could see everything.
Including his specialty.
He didn’t need to explain how it worked, because the moment we were connected, I just knew.
The same was true the other way around as well…
“Interesting… You don’t have to learn your specialty, you already know it.” – Specialty finder
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“What do you mean?” – Gael
“You have what is called a ‘passive specialty’. It’s rare, but it does happen. People with passive specialties have their specialties permanently active since the moment they were born. The same is true for you.” – Specialty finder
“I see… But… What is it? What does my specialty actually do?” – Gael
“… You see…” – Specialty finder
There have been a few points in my life that I could consider ‘turning points’.
Moments that have changed the course of my life for the better or the worse.
One such moment was when the dungeon monster escaped and wreaked havoc in my hometown.
Another important moment was when I decided to leave Isaac and Iris to go on a journey by myself.
The third was when I learned the horrible truth of the world, and joined The END.
When my ability was explained to me, that was the fourth and final turning point…
Honestly, it shouldn’t even be lumped together with those other three; this one was so much more important than anything that came before.
Since I found out what my specialty was, my life can only be categorized into two periods of time; before I learned what ability was, and after.
“Your specialty allows you to sacrifice others for a permanent boost in power. Essentially, every time you take a life, you get stronger. But it’s not quite as simple as that… How large that boost in power is depends heavily on how much you personally care about the person you kill. If you kill a stranger, the boost will be pretty insignificant. If you kill a family member or close friend, it’ll be enormous…” – Specialty finder
The moment I found out what my specialty is, I knew what had to be done…
After learning the truth of the world and how much unnecessary suffering is happening to millions of innocent people every single day, I dedicated myself to stopping it by any means necessary.
With only BDM, the limit to how strong I could get was around that of a D-rank hunter.
I’m not delusional; a D-ranker could never make a change.
I need to get stronger.
It’s the only way to make a difference…
Isaac and Iris…
I care more about them than I do my own life…
If I kill them…
…
I knew what had to be done the moment I learned what my specialty was, but I couldn’t admit it to myself…
The thought was so horrible that I locked it away and tried my best not to think about it.
It couldn’t be true.
It just couldn’t…
But…
Every single day, the nagging feeling of knowing I would have to take their lives one day would pester me constantly.
Every day that passed where Emperor was allowed to live, was another day where millions would suffer.
I couldn’t lie to myself any longer; I had to go through with it…
I went back home to Lux, and as expected, they were nowhere to be found.
They had long since decided to fulfill their dreams; becoming hunters who’d slay dungeon monsters so that what happened to us wouldn’t happen to anyone else.
When they heard of my arrival, they quickly came back.
I wanted to tell them everything that had happened, and I wanted them to tell me everything that had happened to them.
But knowing what I was about to do, I just couldn’t…
The guilt was too much.
The thought of acting friendly with the people I was about to kill was so revolting I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I was already a sick sick person for going through with it in the first place; I didn’t want to stoop even lower.
I genuinely believed that in the end, what I was about to do was the right thing, but that didn’t make myself any less deserving of hell…
Regardless of whether or not it’s the right choice….
Regardless of whether or not it’ll bring about peace…
Regardless of whether or not it’ll ease the suffering of millions…
Taking the lives of those you love the most is still evil.
I know it is, but unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil…
We went to bed, and while it didn’t take long for them to fall asleep, the same couldn’t be said about me.
There’s no way I could sleep knowing what I was about to do…
Before I came back home, I didn’t have a plan for how or when I would do it.
I knew I had to, but that’s it.
Any time I tried putting any thought into the specifics, I’d feel nauseous and unable to come up with anything.
In that moment when I saw them sleeping there so peacefully, I knew…
I knew how it had to be done.
The first sacrifice would be Iris.
Why her?
Because she was closest…
I love them both equally; there could never be any reason other than a practical one for who would be the first victim.
While she was still unconscious, I slit her throat so deeply she’d instantly die without waking up.
Even though she had to die, she didn’t have to suffer…
That’s when reality hit me…
I just killed Iris.
I just killed Iris.
I just killed Iris…
That wonderful person who had been nothing but great to me my entire life was dead.
I would never get to hear her laugh again.
I would never get to see her smile.
All her dreams were gone.
Everything she had spent her life working towards was for nothing.
She was dead…
I was supposed to kill both of them, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t.
Isaac was all I had left, I couldn’t kill him too…
I stood there for the rest of the night, trying desperately to convince myself to do it, but I just didn’t have it in me.
Iris could at least go peacefully without suffering, but due to my cowardice, the same couldn’t be said for Isaac.
He’d wake up to Iris lying dead right next to him, knowing I was the one who did it.
He’d have to live without the person he cared for the most for the rest of his life, all while knowing the one who did it was the other person he loved the most.
He didn’t deserve any of it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to kill him too…
I tried my best to do it for the rest of the night, but after he woke up, I knew it was too late, and I ran away.
Shortly after this, the most vile and disgusting thought I’d ever had entered my mind…
Due to all the despair and suffering I caused Isaac, I could feel myself caring more and more for him than ever before.
The empathy I felt for him and what he was going through was killing me, but it just led me to the most awful conclusion…
Not killing Isaac, and instead making him suffer, was good.
My specialty makes me stronger when I kill people; the more I care for them, the stronger I get.
After making Isaac go through hell, I now care for him more than I ever thought was possible…
Killing Iris instantly made me as strong as the strongest C-rankers in the world; maybe even borderline B-rank.
I can’t even imagine how strong I’d get if I kill Isaac now…