“Save me.” “Give it back. “Your purpose...” “Stand, your hell does not end he-”“The most sinful of them a-”


    The voices overlapped in my sleep. I opened my eyes tiredly as the Sunrays burned on my eyes. I always forget to stop the alarm before going to bed as I haven’t been to school for a week. Mom asked me about it after school called her and I only told her that I’ve been sick ever since. She never pressed me to go as she probably knows that I was making things up. I stared at the blinding lights beneath my feet. I went downstairs to eat and saw food on the table wrapped and ready to heat. I looked at the clock and it was 7 AM. Normally I’d be rushing to the station right now while eating on the way, but I didn’t feel like attending today like usual. As I took the first bite of the toast mom made. It was eggs and tomato with cheese. She knows it’s my favorite. As the bite was in my mouth the bell rang. I wondered if mom forgot something so while eating, I walked to the door and opened it.


    “Y-Yosuke!”


    I was greeted with two familiar voices calling my name.


    “Haru, Sakuta? W-What are you doing here?!”


    My two childhood friends were at my doorstep. Those two were the last people I wanted to see right now. As I looked at them, I immediately felt shame and cast my eyes down.


    “Are you ok? You haven’t been to school in a week…we were getting worried.”


    Haru spoke up and I noticed the worried look in her eyes as she looked at me. I am a mess as it is. Weird dreams that I can’t remember, Broken hopes and aspirations, and the feeling of being a failure to everyone’s expectations.


    “I’m fine I was just feeling sic-” Before I could finish Sakuta grabbed my collar, and I saw the anger in his face.


    “Don’t give me that crap! You idiot you did the best you could! So, what if people are disappointed? They’ll forget about it after a week. You’re only human Yosuke. It’s not your fault a whole team lost.”


    I knew he was right. And yet, I still hated myself for that missed chance. Our upperclassmen put all they’re hopes on me and I didn’t deliver even though I knew I could do better. What Haru and Sakuta didn’t know is that those same upperclassmen blackmailed and harassed me after loosing the tournament. They ruined my notes, made rumors around me, and I tried to run away by staying here. I resorted to other ways when I was hanging on a thread mentally. But I could never tell anyone about my attempts. My cowardly attempts. Suddenly, Sakuta pulled my sleeves up and I immediately pushed him away. Haru gasped as she looked at me with tears in her eyes while Sakuta remained frozen.


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    “Just go…you’ll be late.” I desperately tried to hide my shame. I didn’t know why I pushed him like that. Was it because I knew and recognized my own cowardice? Haru clanged to my sleeve, “Yosuke…Talk to us. We wanna help you. I want to help you.” I pulled away while not uttering a single word and closed the door behind me. I leaned into it as I sat down. A few moments later I heard Sakuta call me a coward just before telling Haru that they should hurry to school, and I felt my heart ache more than I could express. My cowardice made me push away my two best friends. Even when I knew it existed, I couldn’t stop it. It was a part of me that I never let go ever since I was a kid. I always ran away from everything that hurt me or made me uncomfortable. When I became the only man in mom’s life, I also tried to run from the responsibility my dad entrusted me. Even if she doesn’t say it. Even if she smiles and talks to me happily all the time. I know she’s disappointed. The thing that will haunt me forever. The expectations that a low life like me can never fulfill. It’s only a matter of time before I also run away from life. The only thing I needed was a trigger. And now I had it.


    The ledge was slippery due to the heavy rain tonight. When I got out a few hours ago, I didn’t bother to check the forecast like I used to. Maybe I made this decision way before today. I looked at my trembling feet in disgust, was it the cold? No…I just couldn’t believe after everything, all these memories and happiness will be over in an instant. I worked hard for all of it over the 16 years I endured this life. It’s unfair. I just wanted to get a scholarship to help mom and i messed that up and it ruined my life. But i knew it was my fault for not saying anything even though I knew I wasn’t up to the task. All their expectations came crashing down and I was left with the feeling of failure. I kept telling mom that everything was alright and when I told her we lost she just told me to try harder next time. What does she know? I worked so hard and yet nothing mattered in the end. No..I’m sure she was only trying to make me feel better. Will she be sad? Will Sakuta and Haru forgive me one last time for being like this? I know It’ll all be over soon. I just need a little push and some courage. Right, I remember coming here last week after school thinking now’s the time to do it, before I chickened out and went back home. But now even as I was trembling and barely breathing, I wanted to at least let my final act be one without any fear. And before I knew it, my feet slipped. And the blinding lights became even brighter. And all that was on my mind was that weird dream from this morning. Then everything faded into darkness.