Life was crowding in—in the way it does. I wished I could hide away from the world for a few more days with Gideon lecturing and talking to me, but the week bled by.


    I held a cloth to my face, perched on the windowsill.


    My face stung from where the Duchess had tossed her tea at me. I''d acted suitably shocked, and she''d behaved the same way she did in my first life and not the way she did in my second. The Duchess was acrimonious while telling me her actions were for my own good. The very picture of a stepmother forced to care for an unwanted illegitimate child. An obvious difference from my second life where she''d acted half-heartedly.


    I rolled the vial between my hands.


    I wouldn''t drink the potion.


    I''d spent days thinking about how to cure the Qi-dispersing poison and hadn''t found a solution.


    According to Gideon, the Qi dispersing poison in this world wasn''t the one he knew, and the effects were weaker, dissipating over time. My best chance was not to take this potion and be careful not to expose the fact that my mana was returning.


    Surprisingly, the system wasn''t helpful. The shop had more items I could purchase, but they were useless in this situation. No matter what changes he''d undergone, Gideon couldn''t change his core functionality, and I—who hadn''t started cultivating—had level restrictions he couldn''t bypass.


    I didn''t understand half of that, but he wasn''t useful.


    I bought and took a remedy pill to heal the injury on my face. The pill was more effective than the potion and I had to stay up late to make myself look haggard.


    I emptied the potion into a jar I bought in the system store before placing the healing potion in the system''s storage. This was a gamble, but I had limited options. I''d have to wait and see if the Duchess or the Kala tribe noticed I had magic. I guessed not. The tester wouldn''t be so expensive if it were that easy.


    I''d have to experiment and slowly check how much the Kala Tribe was surveilling me. Most likely, my contact with the old lady alerted them, but I couldn''t be too careful.


    A knock on the door pulled me out of my musings. "Enter," I said.


    Catherine peeked around the door, a smile on her face. "Good Morning, my lady." Her eyes watched my face, gauging my expression.


    "I won''t bite," I said, rolling my eyes and tossing the empty potion vial on the floor. It didn''t shatter.


    I was a bit disappointed.


    I wanted to break something. I wanted to see it shatter and crumble and disappear.


    Catherine glanced at it before looking away.


    You''ll feel better if you hit her.


    I pushed that thought away, walking to the tub. I wrote it down this time, the way I should behave. There was no way I was taking the risk of making another mistake. I hadn''t gotten ill during the week, but the shadow of what happened lingered. "So, who are you?" I asked, shooing her after she filled the tub with water and tried to help me undress.


    "I''m Lady Madeline''s niece, Catherine," she said, organizing my clothes on the bed, her body partially hidden by the screen divider.


    "That''s it?" I hung my arms over the edge of the tub, watching her. She picked the same dress as my second life, but different shoes. "Only child? Hobbies? Something other than Madeline''s niece?" I sank into the tub, fighting panic as the water covered my nose. I tried to stay calm, but it didn''t work. "So boring." I shot to my feet.


    I stood, shaking, as I got out of the tub.


    I grabbed a towel and started drying off, but my hand paused at my hair. They hadn''t dyed it.


    No, I hadn''t asked. I thought for a moment.


    "That is how I am, my lady. I don''t have time for anything else—my mother is sick, you see." Catherine''s face fell before she forced a smile.


    "Oh, sorry about that." I looked at her and looked away, my actions awkward. There was a pause as I let the silence stretch. "I... Hope she—can you get me some dye?" I asked, harsher than necessary, getting angry at being embarrassed and changing the subject.


    Catherine smiled, relieved I was easier to get along with. "What color?" she asked, not glancing at my hair.


    I touched the dry, muddy strands. "Brown," I said, sneering as I pushed it behind my ear. I asked for brown and she''d bring black.


    It wasn''t the time, but a part of me wanted to grow out the natural pink color of my hair—not only as an act of rebellion but as a reclamation. It was a part of who I was, good or bad. I hadn''t dyed it because I hated the color—I just wanted to be accepted.


    I sighed. There was no point in thinking about it now. I started dying my hair shortly after coming to the Duchy and stopping raised red flags in my second life. "And," I said, hesitating as I looked around the room. "Can you find out when the crown prince will be here?" I giggled, ducking my head when I couldn''t get myself to blush. It was hard enough not to retch when I spoke of him.


    "My lady," she said, looking around the room with me. Catherine came closer, whispering. "You''ll get in trouble." She looked at me with earnest, pleading, and worried eyes.


    Shh, I held a finger to my lip, glancing at the door before whispering. "I won''t," I said, shaking my head and sending my curls flying. "Please. I''ll take a little peek." I pinched my thumb and index finger together, leaving a small space. This, I planned to do exactly like my last life—peek from behind columns, bushes, and windows. I dreaded the few face-to-face interactions we had.


    "My lady," she said, fixing the cuff of my dress, a blush staining her cheeks. "You--" she passed, seeming to think about what to say. "I''ve heard he''s handsome."


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    We giggled together, sharing a glance, sharing a secret.


    In a week, I''d meet the Baron and have my first encounter with the crown prince—both of which I dreaded.


    "Will you do it?" I asked, grabbing her arm and swinging it back and forth.


    She hesitated, looking at me and biting her lip. "I shouldn''t."


    Think, it took a moment before I remembered.


    I grabbed a ring from the dresser, put it in her hand, and curled her fingers around it—my jewelry was hideous, but they didn''t skimp on the price. I channeled all my desperation as I looked up at her. "Please."


    "My lady, you''ll be marrying the Baron. It—It''s best not to dream." I got the feeling she was reminding herself as much as me. She pushed the rind back at me.


    She looked at the ring, and her mask cracked. Catherine’s lips curled as she looked at the thick gold ring with a small ruby inlaid at the top.


    “Isn’t it nice?” I asked, presenting it like a treasure in my palm. I’d genuinely thought that at one point. I was fond of this ring in my first life. I rolled it in my palm, feeling nostalgic. I''d brought it to the capital, but stopped wearing it after Ashley laughed at me. “It’s my favorite.”


    “I don’t,” she said, pushing at my hand while blushing.


    “Please,” I pressed, knowing she’d already accepted. It wasn’t because Catherine needed money, or maybe she did, but there was a sense of security when it was an exchange. I remembered giving her a necklace in my first life–ah, I remembered. A group of maids always complimented my jewelry and said how jealous they were. It was my first time receiving a compliment since coming to the Duchy, and I believed what they said.


    “It’s unique, miss.” She tucked the ring into her pocket and we completed our little deal. “Where are you going to meet the baron?”


    I thought about it.


    I was suddenly curious about how her life turned out. Bastien most likely died while she and I were in the capital.


    My grip on her hand was tight.


    She flinched, watching me as if I''d launch myself at her and bite.


    I forced a smile. "It''s just a dream. It can never be more than that."


    Her eyes flashed with surprise, but I turned away and stormed out of the room.


    My steps were fast, and she had to run to keep up with me. As I stormed through the halls, the servants moved out of the way, ducking their eyes.


    The weather matched my general mood. Torrents of rain poured, chilling the air in the grand stone castle. The air smelled faintly of burning wood, and a familiar panic welled up inside me. It was distant, almost an echo. It wasn''t mine.


    My feet paused, frightening a woman dusting a tapestry so bad she fell. I glanced at her, sneering in contempt. There, hanging on the oppressive gray wall, was a deep red tapestry embroidered with gold threads. I couldn''t tell the design—I was there, trapped in a barn as fire crept towards me.


    The feeling passed quickly, my mind knowing the fear wasn''t mine even if my body didn''t understand.


    "Bring this to my room," I said, pointing at the tapestry. "I like it."


    The woman on the floor''s eyes flashed with relief. I''d often taken a fancy to things. Whether I received them was a different matter and she couldn''t decide.


    I forced my feet forward. Catherine stayed close, not saying a word. My memory of this place was faint, or I''d tried not to think about it.


    Despite the luxury, the castle felt bleak with old, damp shadows. The guards, discreet but present, made it feel stifling. The mournful howl of the wind outside increased my feeling of being trapped.


    I came to the family dining room, and a maid standing outside the door hurried to open it. I''d thrown it open on more than one occasion, rattling the hinges. After a while, a maid appeared to open and close the door, guarding against me.


    I couldn''t help comparing the room to the sprawling grandeur of the castle''s great hall. It showed how much care the Duke had for his family. This chamber was smaller, enclosed, almost warm—if such a thing truly existed within these cold stone walls.


    "Mother. Father." I couldn''t help noticing other things I''d overlooked.


    In the center of the room was a rectangular wooden table—at the head sat the duke, and to his right and left were the Duchess and Selena. Beside the Duchess was Tracey. Next to Selena was a space—the chair removed, and beside that space was Bastien.


    My chair was beside Bastien''s.


    They separated us from them—different in their eyes, strangers intruding on their warm family meal. And that''s what it was—this table bore simpler meals—still rich, but without the excess you''d expect. Fresh bread and fruits sat alongside bowls of thick stew, all arranged with care rather than spectacle.


    "You''re here," the Duke said.


    After the Duke''s greeting, the three engaged in low conversation. Tracey sat close enough to be part of the family, but far enough to feel the distance--always searching for a way to be included.


    I took my seat.


    I glanced out the window. Usually, it would be cheese, or something light, but Selena didn''t like porridge, and the day was cold.


    There were days I made trouble here, and days I didn''t. Today, I sat in silence.


    "How are you, Father?" I butt in. My question sank into the silence. I bit my lip, eating was for show. I''d already taken a fasting pill.


    I glanced at the Duke. When I was young, I''d crane my neck to see him, hoping for a glance, a word spoken just to me. That feeling was still there but muted, even more distant than my second life.


    I moved my food around the plate, listening to the laughter. I''d already taken a fasting pill. My emotions had returned after that episode, but like the reaction caused by the smell of the fire, other things lingered from my life as Milly.  I closed my eyes, a ghosting of pain in my throat as I swallowed.


    I pushed away from the table, cutlery clanging to the ground.


    "Sit down." The Duke leveled a stare at me, and my legs went soft.


    I plopped into the chair.


    "You''ll marry. None of this petty rebellion will change what is to happen." The Duke''s sounded exasperated, as if we''d had this conversation before.


    Or—he was prepared for my rebellion?


    I closed my eyes, covering my face. I''d made a mess of things the last time.


    The Duke misunderstood my reaction and started lecturing me.


    "I won''t come to breakfast, if this is all you''re saying to me." My voice was too high—I aimed for petulant, but it bordered on hysteria. "You''re in a rush to get rid of me." That''s it, more control.


    "Jal, Joseph is a wonderful man."


    I blinked at Selena.


    It was obvious who she was talking about, but I, his fiance, didn''t know his first name. That wasn''t true. He''d introduced himself, but I was inattentive, far too preoccupied with searching for the Crown Prince. The Baron didn''t try after that, and we spent our time in silence.


    Bastien paused before continuing his meal.


    "What did you call him?"


    "Leave," The Duchess said, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin.


    "What am I, a dog? Which is it, leave or stay?" My voice was loud, but no one looked at me, not even the servants; a testament to how often I''d done something similar. I lifted my plate, smashing it on the ground before storming out of the room.


    I went straight to the library.


    "Miss?" Catherine asked.


    I turned, not even realizing she''d followed me. "What?" I asked.


    She glanced at the sign on the door.


    I rolled my eyes.


    "I''ve got to have something to talk about other than the four walls of my room. I might not want him, but she can''t have him." Let that get back to whoever needed to hear it. "Did you find out?" I asked, pushing the door open.


    The librarian dropped the books in his hands when he saw me enter. He scrambled to pick them up, worried eyes darting to the door.


    I was about to speak when the door opened and Bastien walked in.


    He glanced at me, and then at the librarian. "I haven''t done anything—yet."


    "Yet?" He asked, turning piercing eyes towards me.


    I shrugged. "It could go either way."


    Bastien looked worried—like he didn''t know what to do with me. It wasn''t time for him to be in the library, but it didn''t look like he''d followed me either.


    "I won''t burn it down," I said, surprised that I wanted to.


    The man who''d just gathered the books, resting them on his table, knocked them off with a whimper. "Young Master Bastien," the man said, his eyes pleading with Bastien.


    "Why are you here?" Bastien asked.


    I shrugged, head down, digging my toe into the space between the flagstones. "I''m looking for something to make me interesting. And not so," I waved my hand over my body, tugging at my hair.


    "Is this because of Selena?" Bastien asked.


    My body jolted, only faking some of my reaction. "No," I said. "That''s stupid." My answer was quick, my voice loud. I rushed off, darting between the shelves.


    "She won''t give you any trouble, just leave her be." It was hard to make out his words, but I heard something about books for class--feeling relieved that was why Bastien was here.