Chapter 75


    A week had passed , and I finally decided t o brave stepping outside .


    Everyone was being extra supportive , constantly keeping mepany or mind linking me t o ask how


    I’m feeling or what I’m up to but really , I just needed everyone to act normal .


    I didn’t want this pity .


    Kiara was the only one who really understood that , when she texted , it was just pictures of the twins or


    Dante , or talking about general things .


    I just wanted everything to return to normal , but could they ? My emotions were hot and cold , I went


    from happy to utterly defeated within moments of each other


    .


    Sometimes I’d remember shes of the cottage and him telling me he would wait for me , and then I’d


    see him ripping through my neck .


    I kept waking up at night , those bottomless pits of his eyes shing in my mind , his canines out as he


    bit me ….


    Myst thoughts were always the same in my nightmares .


    Liam won’t hurt me .


    I now wrapped my arms around myself as


    I walked through the pack grounds , just fresh air .


    wanting to think things through in the I had wanted to return to training but Damon had said it was better I


    didn’t , I knew why : Everyone was talking .


    I’m going to have to face it sooner orter .


    I didn’t want to be cocooned up .


    Sighing , I tugged at the sleeve of my ribbed ck shirt , which had three buttons at the top which I had


    left open .


    I was wearing some ripped jeans with tights under , paired with some ck heeled boots .


    I looked at the small plushie in my hand .


    Sparks … I wanted to go back to the graveyard but I hadn’t been able to … Right now , I just need


    someone to talk to .


    He was the only real family I had , I’m sure if he was here , he’d love me , right ? I heard snickering and


    looked up to see Owen smirking as he walked past me , smart enough not to push me .


    Guess he learned his lessonst time .


    I ignored him and headed to the graveyard .


    It was a dull day today … I pushed open the small gate and made my way over to Renji’s grave .


    I sat down on my knees before it and looked down at it .


    Like always , it was well kept .


    ” Hello Renji , I hope you’re ok … A lot’s happened since thest time I came here ….


    I’m sorry it took me so long when I promised to meet you …


    But I wasn’t allowed toe … I’m sorry .


    I wonder if Mom is with you now or not ? ” I asked softly , cing Sparks at the foot of the gravestone .


    ” Look , Sparks is back … He’s s o happy to be here again .


    ” I smiled gently as a soft wind blew through my hair .


    ” I was going to reject Damon .


    We were going to do it .


    I chose Liam … but … He marked me forcefully … and I haven’t seen him since … ” I whispered , feeling


    my eyes prickle .


    ” I don’t know what to feel .


    At times I feel numb , at others confused , upset , hurt … I know what he did wasn’t right , but I also know


    that Helios ‘ curse isn’t something we can just ignore .


    I’m worried about him .


    He’s in the cells , but I’m also … scared … ” ” 1 I covered my face as the tears began


    flowing and I sobbed quietly .


    ” I mention him and everyone gets angry .


    I s it wrong that I want to talk to him ? But I haven’t mind linked him either … I … I’m scared … I just I


    don’t want him to shut me out .


    ” I whispered .


    I loved him so so much , I get that , but at the same time , I can’t just forget what he did .


    The darkness in him was strong , but wasn’t this the time to help him ? The fear of what might happen


    was still there , but I was stronger than that .


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    Someone ced their hand on my shoulder and I gasped , jerking away as I stared up at Nina .


    I had been so absorbed i n my thoughts that I hadn’t even noticed her .


    ” Are you ok ? ” She asked with concern clear in her eyes .


    I nodded , wiping my tears quickly .


    ” Yes , I am .


    ” I said , sniffling .


    ” You’re a strong woman , Raven .


    It’s all going to be ok .


    ” She said , her eyes filled with confidence as she patted my back .


    I hoped so .


    Right now , I don’t know what to do ” I’m going to go .


    Thank you .


    ” I said softly .


    I stood up and she nodded .


    I nced at Renji’s grave , bidding him a silent farewell before I turned and left the graveyard .


    I walked along slowly , trying to make sense of my emotions , remembering a conversation I had with


    Uncle El a few days ago when he had visited me at Damon’s … ( FLASHBACK ) ” How do you feel ,


    I mean , emotionally ? ” He asked , shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he stood in front of


    the firece .


    It was just the two of us , Damon was out , and although I wanted to return to the packhouse , it would


    mean I would have to face everyone .


    I looked down at my knees .


    How did I feel ? ” Lost … Sometimes I feel like I got this , I can do this … How it’s ok , I’m ok … “


    ” It’s not ok and it’s alright to feel like that Raven .


    ” He said quietly .


    ” I think you need to stop trying to ept things , think deeply of what you want .


    ‘ ” 1 I stayed quiet and he continued .


    ” Where’s the confident Raven who was ready to own everything ? I want her back , I want her to


    consider her happiness above all .


    This curse is not on you , if it’s meant to be broken , it will be .


    We can do this but it doesn’t mean you need to be sacrificed or influenced to make decisions because of


    it .


    I want you to decide what you want without any external factors weighing on your decision .


    Without you feeling guilty of this or that .


    Until then , I want you to focus on yourself and nothing more .


    No what if I do this or it’s because o f this .


    ” nodded .


    ” I know , but we do know that the darkness of the curse yed a factor .


    ” ” It did , but it’s not an excuse .


    I love him and I am there for him , but you need to stop justifying it .


    Think only about your feelings .


    Also … If Damon were to markS you , that mark could be removed .


    ” him .


    My eyes widened in shock as I stared up at Remove the mark …


    .


    ” I know that removing it won’t undo the damage it has done mentally , but it can at least get it off you .


    ” I looked down .


    Right now , I didn’t know what I wanted .


    Although I knew that I would eventuallye to terms with it


    .


    I wasn’t sure what I wanted , but I had already nned to let Damon go … I wasn’t going to use him to


    remove the mark .


    Right now , I felt like I didn’t want anyone … I didn’t want a man , I didn’t need one … ” I’ll keep that in


    mind .


    ” I said quietly .


    ( END OF FLASHBACK ) I stared at the sky .


    Live for me … but to do that … I needed to get rid of the baggage from my life … all of it .


    ‘ Alpha .


    ‘ ‘ Raven ? ‘ Uncle El’s reply came .


    I want Dad’s trial to be soon .


    I know it’s been dyed , but let’s not postpone it anymore .


    ” ‘ Are you sure you’re ready ? ‘ ‘ I want to put this all behind him , I need this .


    ‘ I said quietly .


    ‘ Very well , your father’s will be tomorrow , and Liam’s , we will set it for two days after Haru’s .


    ‘ I knew Liam would eventually be trialled too … But so soon ? ‘ Ok , ‘ I said , quietly cutting the link .


    I knew what I wanted to do before then , what I needed to do .


    Visit Liam .