Chapter 69


    The following day , I had left the cottage early after showering and headed to training feeling restless and


    nervous .


    My heart was breaking and although I knew this was a decision I had decided on , it still hurt .


    I would talk to Damon no matter what , right after , I couldn’t keep dying it .


    After training and once I had showered , I quickly grabbed an oversized hoodie that fell to my thighs and


    some over – the – knee boots .


    I left the packhouse , my hair still wet from the shower , heading straight to Damon’s like a woman on a


    mission .


    Not today .


    Not today , nothing was going t o stop me .


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    I rang the doorbell , letting out a breath I didn’t know I was even holding when I finally reached Damon’s


    home .


    ‘ Damon ? I’m outside .


    I said through the link softly .


    My heart cracking a little more .


    ” This must be important , huh .


    ‘ His deep , sexy voice came .


    ‘ Hmm .


    ‘ I replied , feeling awful and waiting for him to open up , he did a few momentster .


    He had a shirt on , but the buttons were undone , showing off his perfect body .


    My stomach fluttered and the pain in my chest reminded me of our connection .


    ” Hey .


    ” I said softly .


    ” Hey , gorgeous .


    ” He said pulling me into his arms , I closed my eyes , hugging him tightly .


    His beating heart was like a soothing melodypared to the thundering of mine … This decision I had


    made … Was there really no other way ? I knew the answer to that …


    ” Hey … What’s wrong ? Are you ok ? ” His soft voice brought me out of my reverie , m y heart beating


    like a drum as I slowly moved back and nodded , forcing a smile .


    I was the selfish one here , wanting them both … but I knew who I was prioritising and what needed to


    be done was for the both of us ….


    ” Yeah , kinda … Can we talk ? ” I asked softly .


    ” Sure .


    ” He said .


    ” Shall we go for a walk ?


    ” ” Ok .


    ” I said , thinking we could go towards the woods , somewhere alone … Maybe being inside would just


    make it even more suffocating .


    He stepped out and locked up l behind himself , shoving the keys into his pocket . He gave me a small


    sexy smile and began t o button up his shirt , hiding those perfect abs from the world .


    We stayed silent and he let me lead as we walked along .


    With every step I took , I felt as if my feet were dragging … Goddess … please … give me strength … I


    slowed down when we were in a deserted area of the woods , the rustle of the leaves like a whisper of


    disapproval at what I was about to do here … Walking down towards the river , I stopped looking around


    .


    We were a good way away from the Alpha’s home . I sat down , motioning for him to sit opposite me .


    He sat down , his soft blue eyes meeting mine and my heart clenched painfully .


    Why did I feel like he knew this was bad news … ? ” It’s ok Raven , you can tell me whatever you need to


    .


    You know that .


    ” He said softly , taking hold of my hands , those sparks of pleasure wrapping me in warmth and kissing


    my knuckles softly . I closed my eyes , before opening my eyes and staring down at our hands .


    He was special too ….


    ” I haven’t been fair .


    ” I said softly , my eyes stinging already .


    No matter how hard I tried to keep the tears at bay I knew I wouldn’t be able to , not today . He frowned


    slightly , concern clear in his eyes , yet he waited for me to speak .


    The sound of the river and the birds chirping in the trees were the only sounds around us , yet even then


    , our voices simply blended into our surroundings , promising me that my words would remain a secret


    ….


    or were they pleading for me to not do this ? ” Raven … It’s okay … Look , whatever it is , it’s going to be


    ok .


    ” I blinkeding out of my thoughts .


    ” I need to say this … Please let me speak .


    Don’t tell me it’s ok , none of this is ok .


    ” I said , taking a deep breath .


    I licked my lips , biting down on my lower one .


    Where do I start ? How do you tell someone you are about to break their heart ? Especially when they


    don’t dese it … ” I’m sorry you got a shitty mate like me .


    ‘ I whispered , my eyes stinging as I stared a this ne , unable to look into his eyes .


    ” I’m sorry that I treat you the way I do … That I haven’t even treated you as mine … I’m sorry that I’m


    not the mate I should have been … I don’t even get why the goddess paired someone like me with two


    mates , when I have done nothing to treat you equally … I’m so fucking sorry , but it’s not enough …


    Goddess , it’s not enough ….


    ” My throat felt constricted , I couldn’t breathe properly .


    ” Gorgeous … Don’t ever me yourself , I haven’t really stepped up either … but it’s ok … Maybe Liam-


    ” I shook my head .


    ” Liam won’t change his mind – set … he won’t and we both know that .


    ” I whispered quietly , trying to fight back the storm that was threatening to break its dam .


    ” If he doesn’t agree , what will you d o ? Will you fight for someone who hasn’t even been fair ? Would


    you fight Liam ? ” The sadness in his eyes tugged painfully a t my chest .


    I knew the answer , no . Not because he didn’t care enough , not because Liam was his Alpha , but


    because Damon had a heart of gold and all he knew was giving , not taking … and that was what I was


    doing once again .


    Hurting him .


    His next words confirmed that … ” I’m so fucking sorry … I can’t go against him … It’s not just that he’s


    my Alpha … He … He always put you as number one Raven .


    When we were kids … he always looked out for you , always talked about you ….


    always wanted you … I’m the one who was too busy looking elsewhere ..


    His voice held so much pain that he was trying to hide , but he was failing … failing s o badly . ” Or


    perhaps you subconsciously told yourself I was off – limits because of Liam’s love for me ? ” I asked


    softly .


    He looked at me , and shook his head .


    We didn’t know … We never would know because we had already walked our chosen paths … ” No … If


    ites down to one of us , he is the one that deserves you .


    ” He said softly , kissing my hands once again .


    ” With this curse , pushing Liam would have been fucking catastrophic .


    I am not going to ever risk that . ”  I nodded , if Damon or I tried to pursue anything , it would have


    caused Liam to go off the edge into the darkness .


    Love , bonds , and our situation weren’t as easy a s one might think … And regardless , I couldn’t use


    the curse as an excuse .


    I clearly favoured Liam so I couldn’t hold Damon back any longer either .


    The moon goddess gave some werewolves second chance mates … I prayed to Selene with everything I


    had inside to give Damon someone better … Someone who would treat him like a king … A thought at


    the back of my head wed its way to the forefront of my mind , telling me that what if Liam died ? Would


    I break the bond with my surviving mate ? But I knew the answer to that .


    Yes , because if that happened , I deserved to be alone .


    Damon was no ones back up , he deserved the best .


    ” Rejection … That’s what you’re implying .


    ” Damon said , smiling slightly .


    Breaking the final grasp on my tears .


    ” I won’t say this for the sake of it , but because it’s the truth .


    You deserve someone who treats you as the one and only king in her life .


    You deserve someone who doesn’t favour another above you .


    For someone with two mates , I should be equal , but even if it’s the circumstances or my own fault , I


    haven’t treated you right … I can’t string you along Damon , it’s hurting me too .


    ” I sobbed , staring into his eyes .


    I needed this , for me , for him , for Liam … No one was happy like this … But in the end , it was Damon


    who would get hurt the most by the rejection , but he was hurting like this too …  ” I’m so fucking sorry


    …..


    I’m sorry ….


    ” He let go of my hands , his heart pounding .


    I could sense his sadness too as he cupped my face , brushing away my tears .


    I gripped his wrists , the pain in my chest unbearable .


    It hurt , so so fucking much .


    ” The same thought came to my mind too that perhaps our parting is the right thing to do , even if it isn’t


    the best thing … We can’t let Liam turn to the darknesspletely , and I can’t go against him … ” He


    said softly , brushing away more of my tears .


    My lips quivered and I looked into the shimmering eyes of his wolf .


    ” I love you , Raven , and even if we cannot b e together as mates … Will you promise me that you will


    always be my friend ? ” He asked , his eyes shining with unshed tears .


    My vision became blurred with the tears that were spilling down my cheeks .


    Yes , that was a promise I’ll always keep ..


    Even if Liam didn’t agree , I would always be there for Damon as a friend because he had lost so much


    in life .


    I know it would never be enough … I wasn’t doing him justice , and I’d carry that guilt with me for the rest


    of my life … ” You don’t need to ask me that … Damon , you are always going to be someone special to


    me .


    I love you too .


    I want you to know that …


    ” ” I also wish I could tell you that I did have a connection to you too … Before the mating ball , I had


    feelings for you both … Liam was my first love … But I loved you too … But what’s the point in saying all


    that when all I’m doing is hurting you … I broke into wracking sobs , letting go of his wrists to mp my


    hands over my mouth .


    It hurt .


    I couldn’t breathe .


    My chest … My heart , breathe … breathe … His arms wrapped around me , pulling me into his chest .


    He stroked my hair , not caring that I was soaking his shirt with m y tears .


    He rubbed my back as I took deep breathes , but for some reason , I wascking oxygen .


    ” I love you too … You’re a pure soul , Raven *** He whispered , his voice thick , and I dared to look up to


    see his own eyes glinting with tears .


    I gasped , sobbing painfully .


    ” It won’t be goodbye …


    ” His soothing words and gentle caress , why was he so selfless ? Did he agree because he wanted to ?


    Or was it because h e didn’t want to make my decision harder for me ? ” This is for someone we both


    love .


    ” He added quietly , kissing the top of my head .


    I nodded , for someone we both love … Moonlight Muse Author