Rex Rewind vaulted out of bed with the finesse of a caffeinated acrobat, his neon-green mohawk springing to life as the rooster’s crow shredded the morning silence like a chainsaw through a pi?ata. “Loop fifty-something-plus-a-taco-and-a-half,” he declared, grinning at the cracked ceiling of his Chronopolis apartment. The burnt-toast stench wafted in, a familiar slap to the senses, but Rex didn’t flinch. He’d just survived—well, died in—a factory-exploding, robo-cat-blasting fiasco, and he was buzzing with the kind of reckless optimism only a time loop could inspire. “Today’s the day I purr-ge this nightmare,” he said, spiking his hair with a dollop of Chrono-Grease. “Or at least get a decent one-liner in before the reset.”
He yanked on his studded leather jacket, the unofficial uniform of a man too stubborn to stay dead, and glanced out the window. Chronopolis sparkled in the dawn light, a chaotic jewel of spandex, steel, and pigeon droppings. A coffee cart erupted in a fireball down the street, sending baristas scattering like caffeinated cockroaches. A hero in a sombrero wrestled a sentient cactus, losing spectacularly as spines flew. Robo-pigeons strafed a hot dog vendor, their beaks glinting like tiny daggers. Same old madness, but in six hours, Captain Catastrophe would unleash his Doom-Meow-Tron 3000—laser whiskers, steel claws, and all—and turn the city into a giant litter box. Rex would die, wake up, and curse that rooster again. Unless he got it right this time.
The door crashed open, and Penny Pincher stormed in, her perm a frizzy thundercloud, her rolled-up newspaper raised like a judge’s gavel. “Rent, Rewind!” she barked, glasses glinting with menace. “I don’t care how many times you die—pay up!”
“Penny, my penny-pinching paragon,” Rex said, striking a pose with one hand on his hip and the other twirling an imaginary mustache, “triple pay, tacos, and a victory bonus if you stick with me. We’re hitting the big leagues today—Captain Cat-astrophe’s going down, and I need your cents-ational skills.”
She lowered the paper, squinting like he was a tax form with missing receipts. “Triple pay and a bonus? What’s the catch?”
“No catch,” Rex said, dodging as she swatted at his mohawk. “Just a giant robo-cat, some explosions, and my usual charm. We’re raiding Gadget Gabe’s for heavy artillery, grabbing tacos, and storming the tuna factory. You in?”
Penny smirked, tucking the newspaper under her arm. “Fine. But if you blow us up again, I’m haunting you—ghosts don’t pay rent.”
“Deal!” Rex said, bounding downstairs with Penny in tow. They hit the streets, where Chronopolis’s morning chaos unfolded like a circus on a bender. A hero on a unicycle juggled flaming torches, nearly torching a flock of robo-pigeons. A villain in a tutu spray-painted “Ballet Is Chaos” on a bakery, twirling away as sprinkles rained down. Rex dodged a runaway shopping cart piled with cabbages, grinning. “Step one: fuel up. Tasty Taco Tony’s awaits.”
Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.
They reached the neon-lit shack, where Tony—a burly man with a mustache that could wrestle a bear—greeted them with a bellow. “Rex! Penny! Taco Tuesday special—spicy beef or spicy beef?”
“Double spicy,” Rex said, tossing coins. “Gotta meat this day with gusto.”
Penny munched hers, eyeing him skeptically. “What’s the plan, pun-master? More mops? Exploding ceilings?”
“Nope,” Rex said, wiping salsa off his chin. “We’re going big. Gabe’s got the goods—Boom-Blasters, smoke bombs, maybe a jetpack if I’m lucky. Then we hit the factory, nab the remote, and turn that kitty into scrap. No more dying—well, maybe a little, but less.”
They finished their tacos and bolted to Gadget Gabe’s, a junkyard of genius behind a dumpster on Bolt Avenue. Gabe, a greasy tinkerer with goggles and a grin, waved them in. “Rex! Back from the grave again?”
“Time loops, Gabe,” Rex said, leaning on a counter piled with ray guns and a singing toaster. “Need something to purr-manently declaw a robo-cat. Got anything with extra boom?”
Gabe rummaged under the counter, tossing out a grenade launcher—Boom-Blaster 5000—and a clunky device with a blinking red button. “This here’s the Cluck-Zapper 3000,” he said. “Stuns anything, even that rooster that hates you. One zap, and it’s lights out.”
“Perfect!” Rex said, snagging both, plus a handful of smoke bombs. “Penny, you’re on smoke duty. I’ll blast and zap. Let’s fish-ish this.”
They hit the tuna factory at noon, the stench hitting them like a tidal wave of regret. The Doom-Meow-Tron loomed dormant, Captain Catastrophe pacing and ranting to his tabby-clad minions. Rex winked at Penny. “Showtime.” She lobbed smoke bombs—“Time to cents some chaos!”—and fog choked the room. Rex charged, Boom-Blaster in one hand, Cluck-Zapper in the other. “Hey, Cat-astrophe! Your kitty’s about to get cluck-ed up!”
The captain spun, monocle flying. “You! My purr-fect plan won’t be stopped by a punk with bad hair!”
“Bad hair, good aim,” Rex quipped, firing the Boom-Blaster. A grenade slammed into the Doom-Meow-Tron’s chest, exploding in a shower of sparks and steel. The robot staggered, one whisker fizzling out. Minions rushed, but Penny hurled tuna cans—“Eat fin-ancial ruin!”—and Rex zapped them with the Cluck-Zapper, dropping them in twitching heaps. “Shocking purr-formance, boys!”
The captain activated the robot, lasers slicing through the smoke. Rex dodged, zapping its leg with the Cluck-Zapper. It froze mid-swipe, circuits sparking, and Rex whooped. “Nailed it!” But the captain grabbed the remote, cackling. “My kitty’s still got claw-some!” A claw pinned Rex, and a laser whisker zapped him—darkness.
Rooster crow. Rex sat up, laughing. “Cluck-Zapper’s a keeper. Next loop, we fowl the captain’s plans for good!”