Chapter 8


    Banana Quest: Emergency Council


    IM: Hey everybody


    IM: Here we are with a special emergency convening of the thing we are *not* calling Banana Quest


    EW: but we are though


    EW: its right fucking there in the title


    IM: What? Hey!


    IM: How do I change the title?


    EW: im alive btw thanks for asking


    EW: so is kate


    KC: I’m alive!


    IM: Why would I ask that when you’re talking to me?


    EW: broke my fuckin arm though


    IM: Whoa


    IM: Which one?


    EW: that it? thats what you got when i tell you i broke my fuckin arm?


    KC: don’t worry Isaac! His arm is better now!


    EW: yeah did you know kate has a magical guitar


    KC: >;)


    HS: I’m so sorry about that.


    KC: It wasn’t your fault!


    IM: You good Heidi?


    HS: I’m good.


    HS: Lady Chains is out there somewhere.


    HS: But we’re on high alert.


    IM: What’s this about Lady Chains?


    EW: i see you liz


    EW: you ok?


    EE: I am alive, if that is what you mean.


    EE: Heidi, were you  atta cked by Lady Chains?


    HS: Yes.


    EW: she broke my goddamn arm


    EW: oh sorry bro


    KC: but we worked together! And we took her out!


    EE: For me it was Lady Chimes.


    EW: oh shit


    KC: does this mean that all the ladies are after us!? 8(


    KC: sorry, the Ladies


    EE: Maybe.


    IM: Wait, that can’t be right!


    IM: I’m with Lady Stars right now!


    EW: bro


    KC: RUN, ISAAC!


    EW: yeah but like play it cool you know


    IM: Guys I really think she’s cool


    EE: The Ladies are being influenced by the Gods.


    EW: oh dont get me started on those fuckwads


    IM: Wait, wait, anyone heard from Jim?


    IM: ...


    IM: So I guess we’re all just messaging Jim now


    IM: that’s cool


    IM: I’ll just casually relocate myself away from Lady Stars, hang on a minute


    JW: Oh sorry guys I wasn’t paying attention


    KC: Don’t worry about it Jim!


    JW: I’m okay


    JW: But I did get a weird text just like you said Isaac


    JW: and then Lord Foe came to get me, but Maugrim fought him off


    JW: and I can fly now


    EE: Jimothy, I am on my way to your moon. Hang in there.


    JW: Cool!


    JW: But like, you don’t need to come you know


    JW: it’s okay


    EE: I need to leave my moon for a while.


    EE: Something has gone very wrong.


    IM: For real


    IM: MY STATION IS GONE!


    IM: *flips table*


    IM: And we need to figure it out, like pretty quick


    IM: Because there’s a serious Dark World fleet out there right now


    IM: I mean there *was* before Anzu wrecked it


    IM: but still


    EE: I may have been illuminated as to some aspects of the situation.


    KC: You may have been eliminated?!?! 8o


    EW: whoa you were laminated?


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    IM: she was ill-imitated


    JW: lemonaded?


    HS: what


    KC: (rhyme, Heidi!)


    HS: aluminum aided?


    HS: I’m not good at rhymes


    EW: haha no that was great


    EW: aluminumated


    EE: If we may proceed?


    EW: *sniffed lady cynthea


    KC: shut up Eric!


    EE: Let us each describe what has happened, in brief.


    IM: Quite!


    EE: I met the king of my moon and was attacked first by Lady Chimes, then by Shade. The king is dead, and so is Lord Fair, who perished enabling my escape. My Guardian also protected me. I believe that the Gods orchestrated this attempt on my life.


    EW: holy shit


    KC: what was Lord Fair like?!


    EE: Beautiful.


    KC: 8(


    IM: I turned on a communications relay that let the Gods text us, so my bad I guess. The Gods summoned a fleet from the Dark World that destroyed my station, but I got out thanks to Anzu. I’m with Lady Stars and this goofy admiral in the Ardian defensive fleet.


    KC: Eric and I went to see Heidi, but Lady Chains tried to kill us! She’s SUPER TOUGH >:(


    HS: I received a message from the Burning God just before this.


    EW: and ive been subjected to the lunatic ravings of this bullshit changing god


    IM: What about you, Jim?


    JW: um


    JW: I talked to the D-man


    JW: He’s one of the gods, but I forgot which one


    JW: he seemed nice


    JW: Actually he warned me not to listen to the other gods


    JW: or to himself, I think?


    EE: Hmm. So perhaps they’re not all bad.


    KC: the green one saved our lives!


    KC: she warned us about Lady Chains! Otherwise we would have DIED


    IM: They’re tricky, though


    IM: And the Chained God said he’ll try again


    IM: to kill me


    EW: yeah i wouldnt trust any of these shitheads


    EW: all they can do is fucking talk


    HS: Yeah, it looks like they have really limited power. The Burning God can set some things on fire but I think that’s about it. They need to operate through other agents.


    EE: And they are using the Ladies because the ten Ladies are connected to the ten Gods, with whom their highest loyalties apparently lie.


    JW: that’s pretty much what D-man said


    JW: he said the Lords were okay though


    JW: except for Lord Foe


    JW: who tried to kill me


    EW: huh who would have guessed that lord foe would be a bad guy


    EE: I agree that we can trust the lords. Lord Fair died for me, and the last thing he said was that I would be safe with Lord Fierce.


    KC: lords are safe!


    KC: got it!


    HS: What else do we know about the Gods?


    KC: they can kind of see us ?:\


    EE: They are not unified.


    EW: these shitty ass gods


    EW: what the fuck


    KC: ?


    EW: fuckin scraping the bottom of the barrel for these cut rate losers


    EW: fuckin half price bargain bin spring cleanout sale at the deity depot


    EW: shitty stale leftover easter chocolate gods that nobody wanted


    EW: all dry and crusty and shit


    IM: You that upset about your arm?


    EW: IT FUCKING HURT BRO


    IM: Oh, that reminds me


    IM: They wouldn’t tell me anything about where they are or what kind of creatures they are


    IM: but I got the sense from THE ONE THAT TALKS LIKE THIS that he really didn’t want to kill me


    IM: or she, you know, whatever


    EE: I also spoke to that one. They were oddly encouraging.


    KC: That one’s the boss I think! It’s the THUNDER GOD, the biggest and strongest god! 8o


    KC: and yeah!


    KC: even the Chained God, who I’m pretty sure sicked Lady Chains on us, didn’t sound jazzed about it


    EE: Perhaps we can use that.


    EE: Perhaps we can talk them down.


    EE: Until then, or until we can work out a solution for stopping them, we must stay in touch.


    EE: Jim, I’m coming to Hyperion via door.


    EW: i gotta get back to my moon i think those metronomes might be kinda important


    EE: We should stay together if possible


    KC: I’ll go with him!


    EE: Isaac?


    ? IM: I think I’m safe on the fleet


    IM: I’ll get ARKO to find Lord Fierce


    EE: Watch out for Lady Stars.


    IM: aye-aye!


    HS: I am safe for now. I have a lot of security with me.


    HS: But I will have to go deeper into my moon.


    JW: that sounds dangerous


    HS: Yeah it is, Jimothy. But I have friends here.


    HS: You’re still going to apologize to Ruth, Eric.


    EW: yeah yeah


    KC: All right! Go team!


    KC: don’t forget we’re still going to all play together as a band!


    EW: yeah sure whatever


    EW: and remember


    EW: dont fucking trust the gods