Chapter 38: Unknown Heart


    The next day, Luca took me to go see Hayden. I loved and hated seeing him at the same time; it made


    me happy being around him, but at the same time, it made me sad that he wasn''t awake. I watched the


    dance rehearsals and even danced a little before Luca took me back to his house. Jason and I watched


    a movie while Luca cooked dinner. Luca cooked all food I ate for a week straight. I think it was to make


    sure that I was eating, but I wasn''tining; Luca made amazing food. I''d gained my weight back


    and actually started looking out for the baby. If this was thest thing that Hayden would ever give me, I


    would cherish it always. I owed him that much. My dad stayed with me until I was stable, which Luca


    attributed a lot to. After my dad left, I was surprisingly fine. Luca kept me too busy to think about


    anything else. Jason was there for me too, but not as much as Luca. It was like he made it a point to be


    around me at all times. I didn''t mind it; I liked thepany.


    Hayden had been in aa for four months with me visiting him almost every day. It did get easier. I''d


    epted the fact that Hayden wasn''t waking up anytime soon. I''d also epted the fact that I was six


    months pregnant. Luca would take me to my doctor''s appointments with me which helped a lot. It kept


    me from feeling so vulnerable and lonely. I went all that time without celebrating any birthdays or


    holidays. I watched as everyone else moved on with their lives. I couldn''t. I''d decided to keep the baby,


    but I hadn''t told anyone yet. My dad kept up the payments for the apartment and I quit my job. I was


    going to keep the apartment exactly the way it was. All of my clothes were at Luca''s house, but I was


    saving the apartment for whenever Hayden woke up. I wasn''t going to touch a thing. I wanted


    everything to be exactly as he left it when he got home... if he got home.


    I''de back from a walk and closed the door behind me. I didn''t see Luca or Jason anywhere so I


    went looking for them. I''d entered the living room just in time to see Jason and Luca trail off to Luca''s


    room. I couldn''t help myself. Once the door closed, I tip toed over to the door and pressed my ear


    against it.


    "You can''t do this to him. Hitting on his girlfriend, his pregnant girlfriend while he''s in aa? Come on


    man, from the first time Hayden saw her; he was in love with her. He loves her. And your n is to,


    what, derail her?" I heard Jason say.


    "No! Look, I''m aware of all of that, but what if Hayden doesn''t wake up? Then Jo will be alone; really


    alone. And pushing all of her friends away the way that she is, she won''t be able to handle it. I''m just


    going to be here for her, no matter what she decides. I just want to keep her from spiraling," Luca


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    argued. Jason sighed as he took a beat.


    "This is low, Luca," Jason said. "You like her... I would even go as far to say that you love her," Jason


    said. Luca didn''t say anything.


    "I can''t help that," he said softly. I''d heard enough. I tip-toed away and up the stairs to my room. I sat


    criss-cross on the bed and subconsciously rubbed my hand over my stomach. I had a nice baby bump


    going. At seven months, I thought I would show a little more. There was a knock on my door.


    "Come in," I said. It was Luca. He smiled at me softly.


    "Hey, we didn''t hear youe in. How was your walk?" he asked. I shrugged and avoided his eyes.


    "Fine, I guess. I''m just really restless right now," I answered honestly. I couldn''t help their recent


    conversation ringing through my head. Luca liked me... loved me. I didn''t know how I felt about that.


    "Dinner will be ready in a little bit," he said, before he sat on the bed next to me. I nodded and looked at


    my bump.


    "Hayden''s going to miss the birth of his daughter," I said in a whisper. It was more of a realization than


    talking to Luca. He put his hand over mine.


    "Everyone else will be here for you," he said, trying tofort me. I finally looked at him.


    "You mean you?" I said. He hesitated.


    "Of course, I''ll be here for you too," he tried to cover. I sighed and stood up.


    "I heard you talking to Jason," I admitted quietly. I covered my stomach with my arms and looked at him


    as I waited.


    "What do you mean?" he asked. I sighed and looked at my feet... well, attempted to look at my feet.


    "I know how you really feel about me," I exined.


    "And?" he asked. "I can''t help the way I feel... but I haven''t acted on my feelings," he said. He was


    right. I looked at him confused. I had to know.


    "Why?" I asked in a whisper. He stood and walked until he was standing directly in front of me.


    "Because if I do, you''ll feel guilty... you won''t talk to me again, and I don''t want that," he exined. I


    knew that he was right, but in this moment, I was lonely. And I was tired of waiting on something that


    might never happen. I wanted him to kiss me.


    "Hayden''s been in ama for five months. I am seven months pregnant. Hayden is your best friend...


    and I''m his girlfriend; whether he''s in ama or not. You know that... and I know that," I said out loud


    mostly to put my brain back on track. "And Luca, I''m keeping the baby. This little girl is thest thing


    that Hayden ever gave me... I''m keeping her," I added. Luca nodded.


    "I know. I figured you would a long time ago," he said softly. He took a step away from me. "I''m going to


    go fix you a te," he said, dismissing himself. I let out a breath I didn''t even know I was holding. This


    was not good. I ran a hand over my face.


    "Ow," I said as I felt a push against the inside of my stomach. I put a hand where the baby just kicked


    and looked at my stomach. That was a powerful kick. I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. I


    went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer.


    "What''s wrong?" Jason asked. I sighed loudly and put the ice pack against my stomach.


    "She''s is kicking... really hard," I said. Jason chuckled lightly before he hesitated. He wanted to say


    something. "Look, I talked to Luca already; I heard y''all," I admitted.


    "And?" he asked. I sat on the couch in the living room andid my head back.


    "And nothing," I finished for him. "We talked, and he understands that I''m Hayden''s girlfriend;a or


    noa," I said. Jason sat on the ottoman and pulled my feet onto hisp. I let my eyes close as he


    started massaging them.


    "And... you''re okay?" he asked. I nodded.


    "I''m fine," I said. I ended up falling asleep sitting there as Jason massaged my feet.